How to I get my adult son who is a paranoid schizophrentic to calm down without getting upset myself?
704744
This is a very good blog, a beginner’s guide to abnormal psychology. \nShort, clear and simple; and you can even post your question and contact the author regarding particular subject you are interested in, for FREE\n\nhttp://sensitive-psychoworld.blogspot.com/
1059849
i know how you feel.  except mine is a 3 year old tantrum king!  spouse is deployed and we're far from home so i feel your pain...almost like being a single parent.  i enrolled him in a day program.  i feel like such a better parent when i see him.  i have a chance to miss him.  he is soooo feisty and just an all around boy he drives me nuts so having him burn his energy for 4 hours a day and then coming home...he's nice and relaxed and doesn't fight me when it's bed time.   also, you probably heard the saying.....terrible 2's, horrible 3's......lol
228272
I have dealt with this too. The best thing to do is for him to start back on his meds. But with someone with this condition you can not convince them. They have to decide for themselves and sometimes they do. You can try to talk to him when he is being nice if you think it is safe. But I know from experience their mood can change quickly. If he is not on his meds you should not be there. It can be dangerous. I know you care for him but you do not want something bad to happen. Find someone to live with until you have the money to move, a friend, a parent, someone.
29490
Find a good therapist.  A psychologist would be a good person to talk to.  Check with your insurance provider to see whick doctors they'll take and start calling those doctors.  His issue might not be anger, but a manifestation of anxiety.
417532
Some people just enjoy this practice.  You might consider making an appointment for the two of you with a licensed therapist.  It's often easier to talk with a disinterested third party as a go-between.  The therapist should be able to help your son explain to you why he engages in this behavior, as well as help you understand why your son does it.\n\nI would gently suggest that you do not berate your son for this behavior.  He is probably dealing with a lot of issues within himself regarding it already and, being an adolescent certainly isn't helping him any right now.  Until you can get the 2 of you into therapy, you might want to just make it a non-issue.
120207
An excellent book to read and keep in your private library is "The Explosive Child".  This book has a wealth of information about living with children that have difficult behaviors and explosive temperments.  \n\nFrom personal experience I can tell you that you have to have clear, concise, well defined and understood rules.  You must be 100% consistent.  It's not worth the fallout to give in if a rule has been made.  Implement a positive behavior support plan.  Rule out additional problems such as learning diabilities, seizures, mental health disorders, developmental disabilities, etc.  If the child exhibits violent behaviors address them swiftly with a zero tolerance policy.  Safety is a primary objective.  Make it clear that if the child cannot or will not control his behavior then he can be placed in an environment where safety is assured.  That can be a hospital, residential center, or juvenile facility.  Ask for help.  Actively seek programs and resources in the community to help involve your son in positive programs.  \n\nIt's a rough road.  Seek out some support for yourself also. Other parents that share similar difficulties can help you to cope or find resources when your well has run dry.  If nothing else it is a relief to be able to talk to other people that know just what it is like to be where you are.  If you can't find a local group Yahoo groups, MSN or one of the other online communities can be excellent sources of support.
882358
I've not heard of of it, but here is what I would try to do about it.\n\nAnother male (this is very important), who he's receptive to (such as his best friend or father), at a time when he's calm, such as in a bar, needs to point out the problem in the following way.\n\nThey would say, for example, "Were you aware that when you're angry, you actually roar and growl. It terrifies <Name of your 20 month old>".\n\nNote, he didn't lead up to it with something that would get his back up, like "X was saying the other day that you had a big row". He just said it out of the blue.\n\nThe point is, just to state the problem as a fact, without the emotional-baggage. There's no request or demand to do any specific thing. What he does about it is entirely up to him.\n\nThe same sentence coming from you would be interpreted as criticism and start another argument.\n\nThat's it. The friend  just makes him aware of the problem and leaves him to think through for himself what to do about it. Virtually all men love their young children and wouldn't do anything to scare them.\n\nHe'll most likely think about it for a while, then stop doing it.\n\nIf it starts another argument, just tell him you mentioned it to the friend for the sake of the kid, that he's not in trouble, smile, then leave him alone.\n\nDefinitely don't get into a long discussion. The objective isn't to have all the past things he's said to hurt you acknowledged and apologised for. Its to fix the problem. Attack the problem, not the person.\n\nAs far as the rage and rowing goes, it just needs someone (a male friend again) to point out that the problem exists and ask him to fix it in his own way and in his own time.\n\nHe can suggest that he reads up on the internet and in books (see links) on such subjects as the difference in the way men and women think and communicate, marriage-guidance and anger-management. \n\nHe needs to study hard In the subject areas of understanding women and having a good relationship. Now that we have the internet, this is much easier than it was decades ago. Someone needs to tell him that a lot of the stuff he reads is written in a style that suits women. He needs to bite the bullet and extract the 1% that is useful from the 200 page books.\n\nOne key point is that a man's whole personality is based in feeling competent and successful. That's why criticism or anything that can be misinterpreted as criticism causes so much trouble. In most men it causes grumpiness and moaning. In his case, it seems to be at the anger level.\n\nHe can get his own Yahoo Answers account and ask specific questions on here to both men and women (All those "What does it mean when..." questions).\n\nI think there's one thing you need to do too. Have a read of this article. Many women don't understand that having a discussion (even a short one) of a relationship problem stands no chance of having a positive affect and solving it. The exact opposite is true. It has a 100 times negative affect, magnifying the row, because every sentence you say is misinterpreted as criticism and blaming and demands for apologies, etc. The man just has to escape because his mind is mangled by the rate at which new emotional issues are being raised that he has no understanding of and needs an hour per item to think about.\n\nIf there's a problem, just point out that it exists and ask him to go away and think of a solution. Only deal with a single problem at a time.\n\nA man can't fix an emotional problem in an emotional way, just in a logical way, like a car-engine.\n\nWomen tend to discuss every last detail of a problem and discuss them in groups. Men like to work alone, only asking for help when needed. If he needs information from you, just provide it in as few words as possible and stick to the facts.\n\nIf he eventually learns to stop getting angry and things get better, he may event
515943
Gosh - this is serious.\n\nOK - I guess you need to have a chat with your boyfriend about this and tell him how it makes you feel and ask for his permission to discipline them in order to protect you own children.  It is your place to ensure your children are safe.  And they need to learn what is and what is not acceptable.\n\nPerhaps it would be best if you both agree appropriate ground rules and suitable course of action beforehand.  \n\neg be nice to your children, do not go in your room.\n\nThen make clear to them when they next come what will happen - they will get one warning and then if they do it again there will be consequences.\n\nThey'll soon wake up if (for example) their misbehaviour results in them losing treats (or if it's your house) being put outside until they're prepared to apologise, or being sent back to their mothers early (unless that's what they want).\n\nIt is important that you do act on this because the longer you wait the more they'll believe that you're inaction means that you agree with their behaviour.
819016
My first response is to smack him!....No don't..lol...it would help if we knew how old he was. But parents, and I am a parent, we do stupid things. Sometimes or most of the time, without realizing it. If we are busy we pass things off on our children to do and when we hear complaints, whether legitimate or not, we don't want to hear it. We just want what we said done....done! We don't listen to reason. And we think, we know it all. That's why, I talk to my son all the time and not like the "after school special" talks, we simply talk about anything and everything and I try my best to be completely honest with him, even when I have done something wrong or bad...(not parent like). \nYou really need to sit down with your parents. You need to do this without your brother being there. It should be somewhere other then your home and you should be completely honest with your feelings and how they are treating the situation. If that doesn't work, try writing them a letter. If that doesn't work, then if you are older, realize your brother may be going through some changes in his body and mind, try talking to him and letting him know your feelings and see where that gets you. It is truly your parents problem and not yours, however, you are stuck in the middle. I hope this helps. You sound like a sound kid just looking for real advice and you deserve respect from your parents and brother.
330644
no i dont believe you can, you need to make his mother see that there is something wrong with her son before he succeeds in killing himself.
763681
Treefrog, these both look like good bets, if not to get direct help, then to get information as to where you can go for help.\n\nGood luck! And I know what you're experiencing. Years ago, before my brother was diagnosed as schitzophrenic, my family had similiar frustrations. Hang in there, keep trying.\n\nhttp://www.state.tn.us/mental/crisis.html\n\nhttp://www.namitn.org/resources.htm
1182416
Just talk to your child and let them know that you love them no matter what they decide.  to love you or not.  I'm not a parent but who ever told your kid that has serious mental problem.  But your child is 18 so he/she should be smart enough to decide how they feel on their own.
568931
You probably can't convince him. I'd say the harder you try the worse it will be. If he can't handle your anxiety attacks you REALLY need to be with someone else. As for your mum being against him, everyone knows mum's can be difficult so that's really not a valid reason. Best thing to do is tell him you respect his decision and show him you can do great without him. That's far more attractive.
22723
First of all, take a deep breathe. It is not so bad really:). Know that this person is dealing with ALLOT her/himself too. Look in your telephone book and in the telephone book will show numbers you can call for guidance. This person is like you and I, and just needs understanding, medication, counseling and allot of love and understanding right now. I know because my mother is one who is bipolar.....they love like everyone else and hurt like everyone else...so smile and give this person a hug daily. It truly helps them overcome anxiousness.
225343
You can start looking at why they are making you stressed: Is it the nagging? Your parents care for you, but it and can be a down right pain - been there, done that, and screaming at them never worked.  They may not be aware of your inner feelings. Have you tried telling them what the effect of their behaviour is having on you?  You will need to be calm when you discuss this! so onto the next comments:\nTo calm down: Find a quiet spot away from the parents then do abdominal breathing exercises (see source below, or a school counsellor may be able to help you on this)\nTo relax: you can read a book, play an instrument, do something that you enjoy.  Or you can practice yoga and meditation (the techniques are good - you don't need to worry about the religious side of it).  These two exercises when practiced regularly will help you to cope with outside stresses much more readily, since they exercise your body and your mind. Meditation will also help with concentration - something that's useful for school!  But with all things, discuss with your parents on the suitability.\nA word of caution - drugs are not your answer - they will only add to your problems!
498956
No you are not one sided you have a voice of concern he needs to be told about what he is doing and to be made to understand the consequences behind his actions or else. That simple!\n\nIt sounds like to me that mom's is giving out excuses for his behavior and she too needs a reality check to or else she will be in for a lot of heartache herself.\n\nMy best advice to you is if mom's don't want to handle the problem then you step in and let him know what the score is!\nBut he needs to be told and told soon before he goes to prison for a long time or wind up dead somewhere.\n\nBut somebody has to step up to the plate on this and help him because he sounds like he is in some real problems, and he doesn't know it yet.\n\nYou be that person to do what has to be done, just to save her and him from pain.\n\nGood luck:)
1153109
I would suggest counseling. Maybe this person does not know how they make you feel, or even if they do, they don't know how to stop. If they grew up in a household that was always yelling, then they don't know any other way to be. If you can't get the person into counseling, then you either find a way to deal with it or find a way to get out.