Coping with memories of child abuse?
817369
Stop crying. I am not saying that that wasn't sad and I am not saying you shouldn't cry, but you've got to stop thinking about things that happened in the past.\n\nIt's a crazy notion propogated by the society, that when someone sexually abuses you, he/she makes you impure. It's wrong. You are not responsible for the things that were forcibly done to you. You are as pure as you were when you were a kid. The other guy has sinned; it's his fault. If you constantly cry and be unhappy, you are only punishing yourself for something that was never your fault anyway. Not fair to you AT ALL.\n\nForget about the past and relatives who just don't care about your feelings. Who wants such nasty people to love you anyway?\n\nLook at today. You've got a job. You probably support yourself well. I am proud of you. Now only if you stop crying and see that you don't deserve to be unhappy, you'll be perfect. :)\n\nSmile!
879267
You will NEVER feel the same..BUT you don't have to hurt...thinking about her and remembering her is wonderful....it will be painful for a time but if it lasts too long talk to a priest or get therapy. I lost 2 children and my father. It hurt like hell for years and years and years...BUT I got help also I decided THEY don't want me to suffer and I will see them again in HEAVEN.....so I no longer suffer. I talk up at the sky to them at night here and there..the times get  less often but they are everywhere.....do whatever makes you feel at peace.....but remember she loves you and doesn't want you hurting..rmemmber the good times and if it helps say you are sorry for the bad times..she can hear you and you will feel better!
860492
its a very common occurrence and very simple one too.......\nyou remember your childhood because you want to because it is full of events you want to keep in mind but now it seems you are stressed.do meditation and yoga that would definitely help.
1094910
i've gone through a lot of emotional issues from the time i was little. My father as an abusive ex-drunk and my mom has always been somewhat verbally abusive. How do i feel about it?I hate the fact that i was never really allowed to have a care free childhood and hate having memories of my dad beating me up or having to leave my house at night because my mom and dad had fought.
1181384
I was once in the same situation for 10 years...I was verbally abused as well as physically abused...we had 2 children...in 60's we had no place to escape to...I eventually was given a way out.....our son is in prison because of his painful childhood....so I do know where you are coming from...people should never stay in an abusive relationship "For the Children" they are suffering that abuse with you....\nAs far as the healing...well its been nearly 28 years since I got out of that marriage...I have anger problems....I have memory loss... I have anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome...but I have been holding out pretty good...healing takes time...I am still healing...one thing I did learn from all this...Men who do this sort of thing have a complex...they look to you as above them so in order to bring you to THEIR level they have to over power you enough to make themselves feel better about themselves..just hang in there...go forward don't look back....get a journal and write down your feelings..it really helps...and sometimes its better than trying to explain it to people who have never been there...time heals all wounds...but for some...it just takes a lot of time....let me know ...been there...done that...
994022
Oh wow yeah I remember it! I really didn't want to go. My dad took me on my first day and I cried all the way there. When we got to the classroom I had a temper tantrum and pulled at my dress and some buttons came off so dad had to take me back home to change. I calmed down a bit when we got back to school. Then I was sat playing quietly in the afternoon with some building bricks and this boy kicked them over so I punched him! We ended up as really good friends after that though and 29 yrs on we still keep in touch!
872715
no...you can go to therapy.. i think if there was a way to erase memories alot of people would be doing it. i for one have had a horrible like, i was molested as a child rapped 2 times as an adult was a drug addict and you know what i survived i have all these horrible memories inside my mind but i live with it and you can too.
1032827
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Of course, you did nothing wrong to deserve such treatment. Sometimes parents actually select one child for abuse, but don't abuse others in the same household. It's called scapegoating. Forgiving is more about releasing your feelings of hatred than about bestowing some mantel of "forgiveness" on them. Holding onto hatred can hurt you. When you're ready, I think you would benefit from forgiving them. Of course, you will never forget. Respect is something they should have taught you by showing it to you. It normally is part of love. Rather than respect them, I think now you would be lucky to tolerate them. You may even need to limit your time with them for your mental health. Also for your own mental health, I would recommend finding a good psychologist to discuss the abuse you experienced growing up. Years of such of abuse is not healed quickly. Please be patient with the process. If you're not satisfied with your first psychologist, get another one. When you have children of your own, please consider taking parenting classes or child development courses from the community center or community college. Unfortunately, children of abusers sometimes become abusers themselves. Learning proper techniques of caring for a child will help ensure a happy and healthy relationship with your own children and an end to the cycle of abuse. Good luck to you.\n\nI haven't read this book, but Amazon gives it 4 of 5 stars:\nBad Childhood---Good Life : How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood by Laura Schlessinger
438991
When I was a child, my parents partied wildly and fought each other with venom and hatred.  I heard the gospel from my grandmother.  Anyway, when I was about eight years old my five year old sister came to me one night and asked her big brother what she should do about Daddy.  I learned that night that Dad was molesting her.  This was a complicated issue for a five, eight, or fifty-eight year old to deal with.  I told her I didn't know and that I would think about it and get back to her.  My dilemma was that if I told Mom, Mom would use this in her war against Dad.  If I confronted Dad I was sure that he would just reject me for it or at the very least just deny and shuffle me on to other things.\n\nWhat I didn't decide to do was deal with it, basically I sold out my sister for a relationship with a broken Daddy.  At this time the weight of the world settled on my little shoulders.  I had no understanding at the time of my guilt and the weight of my non-action on my sister's behalf.  Three years later we were living in a little town and we kids got involved in a neighborhood church for the cookies and punch in Sunday School.  Some ladies talked Mom into going to church and so it happened the summer of the next year when an evangelical group came to our church to run a crusade.  There was great music and powerful evangelistic messages and one night in the two weeks this went on, I felt God calling me.  I'd listened to the preacher/evangelist and was considering his message but it was God who'd moved in my heart.  I was no longer a child with childish concerns, but the harder issues were upon my mind.  I still didn't have any understanding of my guilt about my sister, but when I went forward, once I'd made the decision to step out, I felt light as a feather, as though walking a foot off the ground.  The release of guilt was so freeing, I was in tears and didn't know why.\n\nIt wasn't until twenty years later that I went over those memories with an adult understanding and realized what my poor sister had had to deal with all by herself that I realized where all that guilt had come from.  We discussed these events and are quite close today, but the years in between were more distant between us.  I know God is real from many other experiences but this was what brought me to faith.
277897
Most of the bad things that have happened to me have happened in my childhood.  Being abused by my mom's boyfriend when I was 12, being sent to foster homes, her marrying him after she was told about it, not meeting by biological father until I was 13.  Since I've become an adult my middle child was diagnosed with a rare liver cancer at two weeks old.  She was given 8 rounds of chemotherapy and had 80% of her liver removed when she was 7 months old.  I was on stand-by as a donor because they weren't sure they'd get it all.  Although in the darkest hours it's hard to think God was really there, but He was and I'm stronger for it.  My daughter is a thriving "terrible" healthy 2 year old and I have a 8 month old son and a 5 year old son who are healthy too.  It's easy to lose perspective and be negative, but good things are just around the bend.
780557
I had a abusive childhood to, my father abused me, even now after 20 years sometimes it still hurts so much, bruses can be seen and heal but scars on the inside remain - they maybe hidden but remain for life. I think when you have been hurt and rejected by a parent it hurts so much because it's not meant to happen, your parents are meant to be the ones that love, support, care for, and protect you no matter what, they are the ones that made you! the fact that they are the ones hurting you is so confussing and wrong. Sometimes even now, i feel why me?  after my father, my mother became ill and rejected me, i had no other family or friends.\n My father contacted me again when i was 18, to confirm that he could find me where ever i was, and to remind me that the abuse was all my fault!, as i was "such a horriable child"! I know this wasnt the case, i was seen and not heard, to scared to be noticed, I went on to marry someone at 17 who was the same as my father, after 11 years of abuse from him too, i had a breakdown, he visited me in hospital just the once while i was on suicide watch to tell me to "go ahead as your useless and unwanted" i had hit rock bottom, so i decided to fight, fight against all the people that told me i was nothing, it has been hard, lonely, frightening sometimes, and like i said you have moments when you feel that twang of pain and desparation, dont dwell on it, they were the bad ones not you. turn your back and walk away, The hardest thing i find is with my little boy, knowing not only does he not have a grandfather,but his father repeated the rejection and fear that happened to me as a child, and that was something i didnt want. Now however, 2 years later i am married again, to the most wonderful man ever, there is happiness out there, but you need to take the chance to believe you deserve it, and fight for it. I dont think i will ever feel perfect, but i know my son and i have the right to happiness, Counselling has helped me alot to, so much so i am on my way to becoming a counsellor myself, Try talking to your doctor to, years of people telling you your nothing takes it toll, antidepressants can help give you that little bit of clear thinking that you need to escape. In answer to your question: Nothing, your human, alot more human than those who hurt you.Good luck
8605
Time. A long time. I guess it depends on how things happened. Whether it was sudden or you were both holding on to what you knew was only a matter of time. For me I chose to only remember the good things about him. Sometimes I would watch a movie or see him or hear something that would remind me and instantly I wanted to become violent and sob and scream. But each time that happened I would remind myself of some moment when I was totally happy with him. I would also calmly see that we were better apart (even if I had to lie to myself) but that I had a lot of good memories and lessons from that relationship. Distractions don't last forever but neither does the heartache. Genuinely accept your circumstances and remember that misery is a choice. You can find the best things about your life just how it is and make a conscious choice to be happy.
519015
How about instead of forgetting... remember the good times. Only time with help you with that sorry. However after awhile it wont hurt so much and you will be fine.
665040
My abusive ex.  I won't go into details but the physical and mental damage done by this man is something I carry with me all the time.  Because of him I cannot have children and underwent 5 surgeries to fix the physical damage.  The paranoia I deal with on a daily basis because he has not been caught can be crippling at times, to the point I get afraid to go outside or go anywhere alone.  I cannot trust people like I used to nor do I let people close to me anymore, except a very select few.  It's left a feeling in me that seems to say people will suck you in by acting nice then they will turn on you like a rabid dog once you are sucked in and let your guard down.  I know, realistically, that isn't the case but it has left that feeling.  No, I'm not over this yet but I am working on it.  It just takes time to undo the damage done.  But it did take part of me and who I used to be away and I will never be able to get that back.
179429
I'm sorry to hear about that.  You have my sympathy.\nTry to remember the good things about that person.  Remember a joke that person told, or a funny thing he or she did, or some harmless prank they pulled.\nIf you remember the good, you can overcome the bad.
843251
You have to tell someone. If you are worried about the way your Mum may react you need to get another adult family member that you trust  to talk to her. If there is no family member that you trust then maybe a teacher etc. I can tell you as someone who was raised with abuse you need to break the cycle. Silence will not solve this problem. hope this helps and I hope even more that this problem is resolved
790244
I was also molested as a child and i learned to get over it. All your friend needs right now is someone to support her and you can be that person for her. In time she will let go of the past but in the meantime her family and friends need to be there for her.