Any good resources on how to deal with spouse with PTSD?
814267
If I understand this question there are 2 issues - the first is that you are having difficulties coping and the other is that he is suffering and has just returned or is enroute back to his unit and is also having adjustment difficulties. I am also going to assume that, based upon your description of not living near an installation you are a Guard/Reserve family. As long as this is accurate, my first suggestions is to contact the Family Support Group (FSG) leader and see if they have formed a support group of spouses yet. If they haven't, contact your rear detachment and get the name/number of your state assigned Chaplain. Even if you are not religious - he/she is the one the Army has given all the answers and resources to. Tri-Care will also cover counseling services for you, but there are a lot of little details you must take care of before going to see someone (go to the myTriCare website for full details for the region you live in). Once again, your rear detachment can assist with all of that if it is confusing. As for your husband, every FOB, CSC and Base Camp has certified combat counselors stationed on them or nearby. If his symptoms are severe (suggestions of harming himself etc.) contact his chain of command through the rear detachment ASAP!! If his symptoms are mild, find out who his downrange chaplain is and contact him/her and ask them to speak with him. You can find out who this is either through the state chaplain or your rear detachment. Your FSG may also have this information. If all else fails, AND THIS GOES FOR ANY SPOUSE WHO READS THIS please feel free to contact me directly at sofgrant@hotmail.com and I will specifically address or provide contact names and numbers for you.
741179
Sweat heart everybody makes mistakes.\nYour husband is going through some unbelievably tough experiences. Life in Iraq is brutal.\nWrite him every day, keep the letters upbeat but still telling him how much you miss him, and need him around. Tell him about your child, tell him you talk to her about him all the time. Send him care packages, make them a piece of home, send your picture and a camera telling him you can't wait to see him again. When he says the things you wrote about skim over it, it is such an untrue thing to say it deserves little time. Remind him that he is the only one for you and that your family is the most important thing.
284032
I warn my husband about this all the time.  I feel me and him don't have a deep mutual understanding of each other.  You know how with some people you have that love and understnading and emotional connection and with others you don't.  he and I don't have that - thought we did but we rushed into the marriage.  I keep telling him that if he continues to be that way - he complains and argues about everything that I am interested in and criticizes me for the way I do things ..doesn't understand the real me. We just doesn't have that real true love "connection" as your wife calls it and "emotional" understanding for one another ... he has no idea what i mean when i explain this to him; I tell him he's gonna be the guy that 10 years down the road the wife will say "i want a divorce" and the entire time he would never see it coming and would wonder "where did I go wrong - i thought everything was fine" ... but you know what .. I commend you for reading books and seeing a counselor.  I try to read books about this stuff to my husband and he gets mad and defensive or he'll just ignore what I'm reading to him.  If she doesn't give you that chance to work it out then she is just fed up and there is no hope.  Give her a little more time - although she probably feels less hurt becasue she knows you are still wanting to be with her so she's not scared about this time apart.  If you were to act like her and accept it - then it would scare her.  When I threaten to leave sometimes and he is beggin for me not to, I feel the urge to leave even more because I know I have the upper hand and he's wrong.  But .. if he would act like he wouldn't care for ex: one time he said "fine I'll pack your bags for you" I felt really vulnerable and hurt but it scared me ... and we ended up making up instead of me leaving.   Take everyones advice - just take it day by day - you'll be fine and she'll come around - if its over just let it go .. use what you have learned to help you out later.  Just note that women need emotional attention and understanding- we are weird like that.
481961
Go to www.emofree.com  They can direct you to a practitioner of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), many of whom will help for free. EFT is astoundingly effective with PTSD. You can also contact me directly about my own experience with EFT.\nTerry Chamberlin
906589
Talk to each other. Since you’re the one who is aware of the problem then I would recommend that you initiate a discussion with your husband about your sexual concerns. If you’re afraid to, then the problem that you just mentioned is not confined to the bedroom. Sex is communication and more often than not good sexual communication is reflective of good overall communication between partners. If you’re afraid to create conflict, than you will most likely shy away from one another in all areas of your life.\n\nIf your husband responds positively to discussing your sexual relationship, then you’re on your way to solving your problems. Not knowing your sexual history, I can’t comment on your experience and knowledge about sexuality. One thing you should know is that very few couples intuitively know how to pleasure each other. To create a mutually satisfying and loving sexual relationship takes awareness and knowledge. The two of you need to spend time reading about sexual techniques. By doing so, you can learn the "what and how" of sexual pleasure. If you go to our Bookstore, you can find a number of excellent books on sexuality.\n\nLike with the above couple, I would recommend that you spend time exploring each other’s bodies. Ask each other what it is that is sexual stimulating. Demonstrate by taking your partner’s hand and placing it on the exact pleasure spot. This is the best way to improve your sexual connection.
184135
It is very hard to sad to deal with. Do you have family near by? That helped me. Do you work? Praying really helped alot! Do you have IM? does he have it too? I know on the AKO you get install the IM and that saves some heatache. \nI remeber when my hubby was there. I was 4 months preggers when he left. That was very diffcult. But you have got to keep your self busy.  I know it sounds mean but you really have to. Hang in there and I will keep you in my prayers as I do for every miltary spouse and their spouses!
811600
My husband has been to Iraq twice, the first time for 15 months and the second for 10. He leaves again next summer for another year. The thing that helps me the most is being around other military spouses and families, because they know what I am going through (and don't ask annoying questions like "how do you do it" or "what would you do if he died" or say things like "I could never do that, it must be so hard waiting on him.") I know that being around military families may not be an option since you may not live in the town with him. The first deployment we weren't married yet and I lived in a non-military area. It was different but I was able to find a couple of people (reservists wives, etc) that were going through the same thing. If you can't find someone to hang out with, try an online support group, Yahoo Groups has a lot of them for military girlfriends/fiancees.I also do my best to stay busy, which for me has meant going to school full time. I am graduating soon, and I am planning on doing a lot of volunteer work and staying home with our baby on this next deployment. Anything that will keep you busy and keep your mind off of it as much as possible is a good thing. I also recommend writing to him as much as you can, every day if possible. I like to tell him about my day and "talk" about the kind of stuff we'd talk about if he were home for dinner. That way I don't feel like he's missed out on a whole year of my life. Mail - letters, pictures, packages - are always appreciated when they are deployed. \n\nI know it sucks, but after he has been gone for a little bit you will get into a routine. You will also learn what works for you and what doesn't. I found that the second deployment was easier because it wasn't such a new experience and it was easier for me to get into my "deployment routine." I have also found that if you wake up and tell yourself that it's going to be a good day, and don't allow yourself to do otherwise, you will feel a lot better. Good luck with his deployment and know that everything will be ok because you love each other. When he gets home all the pain and sadness will be worth it, I promise!
705432
Being a military wife, yes, it's hard when my husband is deployed for long periods but I have gotten used to it.  I have my own job, activities and friends to bide my time with while he is away.  I knew what I was getting into when we got married and I'm sticking with it.
531554
I understand how you feel. My spouse is in the service and it kills me when he has to deploy. Unforunately, you can't stop him from going but you can do alot to help the time pass. \n\nSurround yourself with friends and family, pick up a hobby, concentrate on raising and playing with your baby, go to the gym or go swimming, start an online journal....the list goes on.\n\nTry to keep your head up. Letting your Husband know that you are upset will make him upset and we both know that'll just add more stress to his situation. It'll be hard but try to stay positive.\n\nIt is definitely tough....but remember....there is nothing like a great homecoming.\n\nI hope I helped. :-)\n\nGod bless.
910331
First of all, remember children are far more resilient that adults realize.  If you're strong, your son will be as well.  \n\nYou both need to sit your son down and talk to him.  Explain to him where daddy will be and what he'll be doing.  Get a calendar and show him just how long it'll be.  Then tell him he can start marking off days until daddy comes home.  Also, explain to him that things come up in the military and it might be a bit longer or shorter.\n\nTake pics of daddy and son together.  Put them in a photo album just for your son.  Also, when our daughter was young, I got a non-breakable plastic picture frame.  It was part of her daily toys she played with.  Whenever she played, there was daddy, right along with her.\n\nThere's no telling when he'll be able to make phone calls.  It's not always convenient to have your son there or awake when the calls come in.  However, as often as possible, he should call to talk to your son as well as you.  Also, have him write and adress letters specifically for your son.  It makes them feel special if their not just part of the letters to mom.\n\nOther than that, all I can tell you is to be strong.  He WILL pick up on whatever emotions you're feeling.  If you're upset, he's going to be.  If you cry, he's going to cry too.  Kids are very strong and very smart.  They honestly usually do as well as the parent at home does.  Be sure not to change his routines or do things different than you normally do.  \n\nGood luck!!  Tell your hubby to stay safe and "thanks" from one who's been through it 3 times already.
197489
Ooooo. Sounds like a familiar situation...\n\nFirst- This shouldn't be about right or wrong. That just makes people defensive and nothing comes out of it. \n\n\nYou do a lot and he needs to recognize that. \nHe needs to pitch in more and at least not depend on you to cook all the time. \n\nMy wife and I just had our first baby. We are both exhausted because we take shifts to feed the baby. Sometimes I have more energy and I cook or do some cleaning or vice versa. But marriage and kids is all about team work. You guys are in this together. \n\n\nPerhaps you need to approach this in a way that doesn't make him defensive. (if that is possible.) You want to make him see your point of view without him feeling like he needs to justify his actions. \n\nOwn your feelings. Tell him that you are too tired to cook, or say you need his help with something specific because you are worn out. Mention the part about being a team. \n\nBut make sure you let him know you do appreciate him to. Guys need that and we like to be able to help and feel needed. Using those words might get more action out of your hubby.\n\nEffective communication will help you through.
923342
If you yourself are not trained, I recommend you get in touch with a local agency or treatment center that specializes in order to have a trained facilitator present.  \n\nYour intentions are admirable, and support groups are very much needed.  But if safeguards are not in place for folks, then the level of vulnerability they will be at can put them at risk for re-traumatization.  \n\nThere are agencies and groups that can help you initiate a new home group.  One I can think of is Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (they have a manual I happen to like, but I think it's more physical than sexual abuse survivors).  Another resource is Survivors of Incest Anonymous.  Finally, you can also check out Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN) - associated with Tori Amos, if you're familiar at all.
679432
I served a tour in Iraq.\n\nFirst of all you need to stop watching the TV news.  They are not trying to give you accurate information - instead they are trying to drive up ratings by exaggerating the dangers.\n\nKeep in touch with him.  Emails, letters and care packages will really make his day.  I do not know if satellite internet is available over there (I had it in Iraq).  If it is then you should be able to talk to him using Yahoo video chat.\n\nKeep yourself busy.  Get involved with your units family support group.  If your units support group is nothing more than a gossip club then find some other spouses who want to do the support things and form your own mini-support group.  \n\nBe proud of your husband and of yourself.  Changing the world for the better is a hard job - but years form now you will be able to state that you 'did your part.'
485109
Oh man, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this Oct and 5 years of being together. It has taken us a long time to figure this one out. The answer sounds so simple but it can take ALLOT of self control and discipline. The key to a successful relationship is having a forgiving, unconditional love for your partner. Being able to accept blame and admit wrong doing and knowing what to do to change is a big key. When we talk "fight" we do not tell the other what we don't like about them but what we recognize they don't like about us. This way its not assigning blame and creating defensive walls but acknowledging wrong and working together to change. We are best friends, lovers, and we embrace all things together as a team. Marriage is the HARDEST thing to do in this journey we call life but I PROMISE it has the largest rewards! My husband and I got divorced last year and realized on the day of our divorce in the courtroom that we were running from our problems and making the biggest mistake of our lives. You have to go THROUGH your problems, you can not avoid them in any way. Good luck to you
468635
Yes, as a survivor myself I can tell you that it does indeed help, but she has to be ready to admit that she was abused and it's not ok that it was done to her, but it wasn't her fault. Also she needs to be open to the idea that these surrounding issues that she is having may be related. I found that the more I talked about my rape, the less it bothered me to talk about it, and soon after, the nightmares went away, I was able to go out alone again, etc. Time doesn't heal ALL wounds, some wounds need to heal from the inside out, and that takes help, love and support. Thank god for my husband. You are a good man, don't give up on her, she needs you more than ever right now, it may be frustrating at times, but get her into therapy and get yourself into a support group. beg her every day if you have to, just tell her it's because you love her and you WON"T let this ruin your marriage. good luck!!
556552
if you can't work with hubby to set some limits to give your marriage breathing room, then maybe it's time to get some counseling so you can understand why you're scared to death and learn some tools to help you cope with upcoming changes.\n\nBy remaining scared, you don't have to make any changes and can continue to complain. you're letting yourself get in the way by telling yourself you're scared. scared of what? ending up on the street? won't you get a job? if you get fired won't you look for another one? dig deep and find out why you're setting up your own obstacles. good luck.
628780
If you have not experienced PTSD, it's hard to explain the feeling.  If you know any older citizens who served in the Gulf War,  Vietnam War or even World War II, for instance, you can ask them about being "shell shocked", or PTSD.  For some people it never goes away.  I know from experience (an almost fatal auto accident that crippled me and took my professional life away at no fault of my own) that it's still there, under the surface, after 5 years.  However, I made myself get in the car and deal with it.  I think your b/f is on the right track and I'm impressed that he's willing to face his greatest fears.  You go ahead and encourage him every way you can and let him be a man and have a full life again without being co-dependent on anyone else.  He doesn't need to be an emotional cripple. What would he do if you weren't there to drive him??  He'll be proud of himself before long.  A pat on the back goes a long way.  So he might have stressful moment or two; he can learn to deal with it and get stronger and should continue to get professional help as long as he needs it.  He probably is feeling guilty as hell because he lived; not to mention every thing else involved.  Let him go...give him a nudge and hold him when he needs it.  Encourage him to help others with this problem.  Helping is great healing therapy for him and others.  He'll be living with this for a long time.  God bless you both.