How does one cope with inlaws on both sides in an interracial couple relationships?
817359
It actually sounds like your in law problems aren't as bad as some folks.  On his side, if it's pretty much the little sister that doesn't get along with you try developing a relationship with her, take her to lunch, call & chat with her if possible.  Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground.  If his family feels intimidated by your outspokeness, try toning it down around them a little.  Sometimes it can be a real learning experience to just listen to other folks.  It's probably just different communication styles.  Again, just look for as much common ground as you can find.\nOn your side, I think your mom needs to get a grip.  Your husband sounds like he's good to your son - what does your mom want - for you to hold out for the guy whos in jail?  She needs to learn to accept your choice.  Best wishes!
88168
My mother in law was the same way.  My husband didn't want to get involved because he said it was like a soap opera.  But then he did get involved and we no longer talk to his side of the family.\n\nYour husband needs to get involved for the sake of your marriage. She needs to tell you why she acts like that.  Most likely it's the same old thing of she feels like she is loosing a son.  Hopefully she would be willing to talk about it.  I started with a very polite letter but face to face would be better.  Work out a way that she can continue to be part of his life if that is what the problem is.  But your husband needs to support you!\n\nWe would e-mail and I showed my husband everything.  She would also yell at me on the phone and then tell him I was yelling at her.  He figured it out.  We went through counseling and she couldn't even be honest there.  So that is when we both said enough and don't have any communication with them anymore. You have to do what is best for your family.\n\nProof is always the best but your husband should trust you there and be willing to work out a solution.  But if your mother in law won't talk about it there isn't much you can do but avoid her.  But don't let it affect you. I ended up having major heath problems because of the stress.  It's her problem not yours!
883553
Five months before the wedding we were fighting constantly about a lot of stupid things, like what the color of the walls would be on our bathroom or how to buy the perfect toilet (this is no joke...), one day while I was inside our soon to be home, I was getting angrier by the minute because one of the carpenters was insisting on needing more money which I didn't have; that same day we were having dinner with both our families for a formal proposal and so that my father in law asked for my hand in marriage for his son (this is traditional were I am from), so I called my fiancee and told him about the carpenter and he told me to handle it myself since he was at work. \nWe both started shouting on the phone, and things got really heated. I hung up and by the time we had to go to dinner I didn't know if he was going to show up or not.\nSurely enough, there he was, standing outside the restaurant with my father in law, and as soon as I saw him I knew we were going to be ok.\nAll of this just to tell you that it is ok to have mixed feelings about getting married, you are starting a new life and parting with the old one can be stressful, so don't worry about it, think about how much you love the person and whenever you get nervous breathe and try to concentrate on that.\nGood luck!
168573
Well my girlfriend and I are both PRODUCTS of interracial relationships (me: black/white  her: latina/white).  and we occasionally get hasseled by lame-os who don't think our being together is cool.  And still others who don't think our PARENTS being together is cool.  But Screw them.  We learned not to care what other people think long ago.  That comes with hearing so much racial crap as children.  You soon realize that race doesn't matter, and neither do the people that think it does.\n\nI really hope that you're able to distance yourselves from these negative people that are giving you a hard time about it.  And once people see that it doesn't matter to you, most of them will start to see you two for the PEOPLE you are.  Not the race.
770094
If your fiancee wasn't the one making the stand, then you don't need to do anything.  If you want to invite him, then do it.  If you don't want them at your ceremonies, then don't invite them.  \nIf your guests decide not to show up because of that, then that's on them.\nYou can't get caught in the middle.  Let the people who are offended take their stand and let the gay people and the offended argue over this.  You are not going to be able to play peacemaker in this situation.\nPeople are going to stand for what they believe in and you are not going to resolve this issue with them.\n\nBut since your fiancee has a problem with gay people in his home, then you either need to side with your fiancee or get a new one.  If you are divided over this issue, it will cause too many problems with your marriage since your brother is gay and you seem to be close to him.  Part of marriage is becoming "one flesh".  If you are going to allow this to divide your marriage, that means you do not have the intention of becoming "one flesh" and you will remain divided and have an unhappy marriage.\n\nYou're going to have to choose sides in this case.  Marriage is about siding with your spouse.  If you don't respect him in this case, then you shouldn't get married.\n\nYour fiancee is taking a stand for what he believes in and I respect him for it.  These days, people think we should tolerate everything for the sake of peace.  I disagree totally.  If we tolerate everything, then evil will prevail.  I don't care if I'm called a bigot, a homophobe, gay basher or whatever PC name they label me as.  I would take the same stand as your future husband.
1117709
I am friendly with all different type of people - no difference which ethnic group they belong to, but for marriage I think people should try sticking to their own race - it's easier for you and your kids.
455235
What you wrote sounds like my story. I've got the same problem with my mother in law. My husband really appreciates that I act like I'm stupid. \nI refuse to drop down to her level and when she is really mean to me I just smile and nod. Sometimes I think she tries her hardest to piss me off, but I won't give her that joy.\nFor your husband it's probably best to ignore the situation and play along like you all get along. It's not worth splitting up families over. You may regret it if your husband decides to choose for you and stops speaking to his mom.\nBe happy she doesn't live IN your house. \n\nStay the respectable party and don't let your feelings show! I know this is tough but it's the most peaceful way. Good luck, don't let her drive you mad, you've got the upper hand!
540721
it  really doesnt matter. \n\nas long as they like and appreciate you.\n\nyou are good to go.\n\ndifferent how?\n\nbe happy that they are different, or you would be so bored with the same old average in-laws
1012894
Possibly she is trying to help and also wants to be a part of the family.  The best way to deal with it is respect.  Show her respect at all times and remember that the person you married was raised by this woman so she cannot be all bad.  You may also want to consider that it may be your attitude that is the problem.  Try to approach her not as your mother in law but as you would any other person you deal with.
667923
Be the mature one about this situation and put an end to it.  Talk to your husband and tell him that you don't want things to be like they are and you feel that your mother-in-law and father-in-law should come over and have a family discussion.  You start off the discussion by saying to your MIL "I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt...I spoke out of  anger when I said I didn't want to see you again and was just venting."  Then explain to your MIL and FIL that you want the family to all get along but there need to be some changes because it really hurts you when your MIl __________________________________  fill in the blank with what she does that bugs you.  That way everything is out in the open, you apologized and showed you are trying to work things out. (Mind you, in the back of your mind you'll be saying...look B+tch, I'm just doing this to make my husband happy...but, she doesn't need to know that.)  Good Luck.
925594
I am a white American Female and my husband, a Filipino, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I could not imagine life without him.  Interracial marriage is perfectly acceptable as long as the people love each other and are ready to forge a new life together whatever the obstacles.  Our biggest obstacle was some cultural stuff because we grew up so very differently, but with time love and tenderness we worked through it and are falling more in love everyday!
413820
Sorry that you had to endure that. The truth is that not only Americans, but some amount of people from all cultures have these prejudices. And they even have these prejudices against people who have no say-so in who they are, for example if your parents happen to be of different races, these prejudiced people often are rude to the child who had nothing to do with their parents' decision to have children. The best thing to do is ignore them without being rude--you don't want to engage them in any fights. And remember that prejudice is based on ignorance, so you will more than likely not be able to reason with them. Ignore them and live your life. And best of luck to you and your wife.
824468
To some families race is important.  If you read the bible, you will see why some families believe that races should not mix.  He is not the one with the problem.  It seems to be his family.  If he is not strong enough to break it to his family...he is not strong enough to be in an interracial relationship.
466887
NO! I don't hate anyone for their skin color, and I think it's wonderful that you and your fiance have found one another. I hope everything works out for you and I wish you only the best! Congratulations on your engagement and good luck to you both!
721509
My sympathies, I myself had to go through it, over ten years ago... and it is a hard thing to come to terms with. I hope for your sake that their marriage didn't end nastily, as that will make things easier for you. \n\nJust remember, it was nothing to do with you, you did nothing wrong, its just that they are two people who are unsuited to one another, and they are doing the sensible thing and moving in different directions. It is nothing to do with hating each other or anything like that, they just have to live their lives apart, and probably the key thing in their minds is that this doesn't hurt you too much. \n\nLife is full of trials, and it is how we deal with them that marks us as worthy people. You can either be a victim of the situation and sink, or you can rise above it, and become stronger. It is very empowering to know that you've survived something tough and come out smiling. \n\nBest of luck, keep talking to people, don't bottle things up, and you will be ok.
1058787
unfortunately, my husband's mother is the same breed. I just avoid the woman at all costs. fortunately, my husband agrees, but I don't know if yours will. \n\nI doubt confronting her would help, if she is as childish as my mother in law, but you could try talking to her, tell her your daughter feels left out and it hurts her feelings. goodluck whatever you decide
619317
DON'T change for anyone but yourself. \n\nPlus, even if you try to change for your in-laws that doesn't really mean that they will accept you. They may do so on the surface, but deep down they still may not...and you'll gain nothing. Life is too short to pretend to be someone else and to be bitter.\n\nMy little suggestion is to be you and YAY for having a supportive husband!!! That's wonderful. If you don't have to be around your in-laws a lot, it shouldn't matter. \n\nMy secret: I loved to freak my ex's mother out with my views on various subjects, weird responses to questions, etc. But you have to be secure and not really care about if they like you or not to do things like that. Just a fun tip.