Does anyone have some good Thanksgiving jokes/riddles to use at the table tonight?
827882
This is neither a joke nor a riddle, but hey...\n\nMAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY,\nMAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.\nMAY YOUR POTATOES AND GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP.\nMAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,\nMAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,\nMAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.
816990
It was the first Thanksgiving after my husband and I started dating.  He drove three hours to spend the holiday weekend with me so I wanted to impress him with a home cooked meal.  I waited until leaving work Wednesday night to go the the grocery store and in the mad push of people, I reached in the bin and grabbed a turkey.  The next afternoon, I placed my turkey in a sink full of water to thaw and began on my side dishes.  After he arrived and we had a drink, he ventured into the kitchen at which point I noticed he was peering down into the sink and frowning.  I asked if something was wrong with the turkey and he said "Yeah . . . it's a duck."  \n\nTo my horror, I had picked up a duck and never noticed that this long narrow bird was not a fat round turkey.  I attempted to roast it and while it had a nice flavor, we quickly realized there isn't much meat on a duck.  In addition, my gravy was burnt, my potatoes were salty and the macaroni and cheese was a solid block.  I finally accepted defeat and we ventured out to the local 7-Eleven and had a Thanksgiving hot dog!   \n\nI wouldn't have done a thing to prevent it!!  That night my husband told me he loved me for the first time and we have been together for over twelve years.  He turned out to be an incredible cook and  I have never cooked another Thanksgiving dinner!  And every year we toast our famous Thanksgiving duck!
850490
1) If a turkey was female, what would her name be?\nThomasina\n\n2) Give a name for a man who unzips his pants after stuffing himself with thanksgiving meal.\nPhil\n\n3) Give a name for a woman who cooked an entire thanksgiving meal.\nGrace\n\n4) If You were a pilgrim, what would your name be?\nDry Wallace\n\n5) If you were an Indian who welcomed pilgrims to their new land, what would your name be?\nPocahunter
226655
"what's for dinner?" :)\n"stop running in the house!"\n"put that down!"\n"face card,face card" (playing BJ at casino)
567034
A ham & cheese sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, "We don't serve food here."\n\nA skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.\n\nA gay man is walking up to a crowed bar and says to another patron, "May I push your stool in?"\n\nA baby Harp seal walks into a club. Freaking tragedy.
743093
Right after Thanksgiving
1112815
I made one in 11th grade that filled a cat dish with food....in fact, I eventually rigged it so my cat could rub into the lever that would set the whole thing in motion.\n\nOther ideas:\n- ring a door bell\n- drop a new pencil on a table\n- turn off a light switch\n- fill a glass with a bottle of water
1071570
Roast Beef and Yorkshire pudding with fresh garden peas and roast potatoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And a thick gravy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nAnd hot English mustard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nHoly sh*t, I'm hungry!
935363
Well after all the fall housekeeping is done, the silver polished and the good stuff brought out and the table is set and the shopping is done...then there is the baking, the peeling, mashing, the stuffing to make.  Next comes cleaning the bird, stuffing and baking it.  All the while you feed people snaks, keep the kids quiet and busy, set the table and call everyone  for the carving of the turkey.  As you have struggled  to get everything on the table hot and all at oncet...the men don't show up because it is the last quarter of the football game and the score is 12-12 and they are in a state of high anxiety and won't move from the set and yell to you ...."wait a minute...it's the last quarter and the score is tied" and you stand there with the done bird on the tray and think ...why do I put myself through this year in and year out?    When it is all done and over with and everyone has stuffed themselves with pumpkin and apple pie, had a walk,  and about to take a nap...you realize the only one that has been kind and thankful for you and all your effort is the faithful family dog.\n\nSo my dear, if you have never done this annual tradition, don't start.  Book a table at a nearby resturant and save yourself a lot of work and enjoy the day off.  Don't forget the doggy bag for the family pet.
830526
How about something simple and to the point, like "Seating is limited- no guests please." ? \n\nGood luck with your celebration!
931365
How about a turkey breast? Stove top stuffing, mashed potato and bottled gravy (or canned). Jello with miniature marshmallows, green bean casserole and a really good bottle of wine. Get a bake it at home frozen pumpkin pie for later though you'll need to bake it the night before. A can of whipped cream and don't worry about stuff!!
831324
Read here\nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving
629403
Try this rhyme...\n\nHey diddle diddle, the plate's in the middle, the cow jumped over the moon. The fork's on the left, the knife's on the right, on the inside of the spoon.
923480
Go to the library and take out a children's book on "The First Thanksgiving" between the indians and the pilgrims.\n\nIt's the way they first made friends!!!!   The indians invited the english to their bountiful "harvest".
882693
With all the turmoil I have so much to be thankful for this year. A wonderful family including my loving brother Christ who came and fond me when I needed him so much.\n\nKaye, you should see my newly decorated bathroom. All lavender and plum. \n\nGotta go get those pumpkin pies in the oven\n\nHappy Thanksgiving to all!
807527
Pecan Pie is always good (and a winner too)!\n\nHave a lovely rest of the day.  Happy Early Thanksgiving.
925402
I can't have a happy thanksgiving until you vote my answer best!