Bored silly. Any funny jokes?
696492
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?"  "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
602182
go to www.funnyjunk.com
1111244
This one is on the front page at eBaumsWorld.com: \nMike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown." Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"
587517
Rats!  I had a wonderful joke I was going to post but since you want comments about needing the points, I have nothing to post.  You are missing a great joke though!
858893
laugh out loud..\n\nhow long have you had the internet? o_O
995620
Go here:\n\nhttp://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
437954
A blonde heard that taking a bath in milk makes you look beautiful. So she left a note to her milkman telling him to leave her 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman received the note, he thought that there must me some mistake, so he knocked on the blondes door to clarify the order.\n\n"Excuse me, miss, but...is this request written correctly?"he asked.\n\n"Yes it is," replied the blonde."I'm going to fill up my bath tub with it.\n\n"Would you like that pasteurized?"inquired the milkman.\n\n"No,"said the blonde. "Just up to my waist."
933739
OMG too funny....Thank You for the laugh.\n\nHave A Great Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
428607
Kinda long, but it's worth it (especially since you're bored):\n\nThis guy goes into a bar after a promotion to celebrate with his buddies. After a few drinks he notices, behind the bar, a big jar stuffed with $50 bills, so he asks the bartender about it.\n\nThe bartender replies, "Oh that's just a running bet we have here. You gotta pay $50 into the pot & if you complete 3 tasks, you win the whole jar. As you can see, no one has ever won."\n\nAfter a few more beers & 2 shots of Tequila, the man announces in a slightly tipsy voice, "Screw it, I just got a raise. I can afford to lose $50!" & he slams a $50 on the bar. "OK. What do I gotta do?"\n\n"Well," says the bartender "like I said, there are 3 tasks. First you gotta finish a whole bottle of our homemade 200 proof Fire Water, after that you gotta help my pit bull tied up out back. He's got a sore tooth & you have to go pull it out for him. If you survive THAT, you have to go upstairs & persuade the lady upstairs to have sex with you. She's a virgin & she's 106 years old. Raping her is obviously out of the question."\n\n"Fair enough" said the half-drunk man. The alcohol coursing through his veins had emboldened him. "Gimme that Fire Water!" & lo & behold, he managed, to everyone's shock to finish the whole bottle without pause. \n\nBarely able to keep the contents of his stomach down, he was turned & nudged, by the astonished bartender in the direction of the back door, where the dog was tied up outside. The man stumbled drunkenly through the door & bravely slammed it closed behind him. A fierce barking, accompanied by breaking glass, garbage cans smashing, yelling & groaning erupted outside. After a minute or so of this racket, a loud dog yelp, followed by it's whining was heard.\n\nShortly afterwards, the man stumbled back through the door, his clothes torn, blood dripping from multiple bite wounds & looking like he'd been hit by a truck.\n\nThen demanded in a drunken slurred voice, "OK. NOW WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!!"\n\n:o)
657916
"any jokes"\nthere.. i just said it \nhahhaha ! i know it;s lame !\nsorry !
977574
LOVED the joke.  Haven't heard (or read) such a funny joke is ages!!!
90147
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST JOKE THAT I HAVE READ IN A WHILE...\nI JUST CANT STOP LAUGHING. (I AM 3) MAN OH MAN, MY MOMMY AND DADDY ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.\n\nIT WAS A KIWI!!! HA HA HA LOLOL...\n\nYOU'RE KILLING ME!!! \n\nMAN, I JUST POOPED MYSELF! I CANT STOP LAUGHING!\n\nOH...HEHEHE.....HAHAHA...LOLOLO....\n\nWHEW...MAN THAT WAS FUNNY....\n\n\n......\n\n\n...........\n\nHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
431962
A nice REFRESHING joke. LOL
459430
*Two men walked into a bar and the other man ducked.\n\n*A duck walked into a pet store and asked the guy behind the counter "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it. And the next time I see you in here, I'm gonna nail your beak to the floor."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any nails?"\n"No," the guy said.\n"Good," said the duck, "you got any duck food?"\n\n*One day, a man died and went up to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter asked him "Did you do any good deeds in your life?"\n"Well," said the guy, "I rescued an old lady from a gang of robbers."\n"Hey, that's great!" St. Peter said, "when did you do that?"\n"Oh, about five minutes ago."\n\n*One day, three men were in a cave and they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it, and a genie came out and gave each of them one wish.\n"That's easy," the first guy said, "I'd like to be ten times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly ten times smarter.\n"That's nothin'" the second guy said, "I'd like to be a HUNDRED times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly a hundred times smarter.\n"Nah, I got all you guys beat," the third guy said, "I'd like to be a THOUSAND times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He turned into a woman.\n\nAnd the inevitable dumb blonde joke (NOTE TO ALL BLONDES: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND. I AM MERELY REPEATING A JOKE I HEARD ONCE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE):\n\n*One day, a dumb blonde decided she was sick of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair brown and go for a long drive. She drove out to the countryside, where there were farms; one of these had sheep. She thought to herself "oh, how cute! I want a sheep!" So she went to the farmer and explained her request. \nThe farmer thought for a minute, then said "well, girly, tell you what. I'll let you have one of my sheep if you can guess how old I am."\nThe blonde thought about it for awhile, then finally said "66!"\n"By god, you're right!" The farmer said, astounded. He didn't really expect her to guess it, but since she did, he allowed her to pick out a sheep. So she picked one out and drove off, the sheep in the back. Suddenly, she saw the farmer behind her, chasing her car and waving frantically. She slowed down, and the farmer caught up to her and tapped on the window.\nShe rolled it down, and the farmer said "If I can guess what color your hair really is, then can I have my dog back?"
850352
very funny lol ^_^\n\npoor dog\n\nthanks for sharing it
512509
Yeah it's an alright joke.... but this one's better I reckon\n\nA husband and wife had a small child, so for when they discussed makin' lurv, they used the codeword "washing machine" instead of sex.\n\nSo one night at about 2 in the morning the husband's feeling all randy, so he gently shakes his wife...\n\n"uhhhh, it's late what do you want?"\n\n"Washing machine" he whispers.\n\n"Washing machine? I'm half asleep, go back to bed!"\n\n"Pleeeaaasssee honey??" pleads the husband.\n\n"Argh! I'm serious Jack, I've got a busy day tomorrow so go back to sleep." and with that she rolls over.\n\nAbout 10 minutes later she's still awake and starts to feel bad, so she rolls over and nudges him...\n\n"Alright, I'm awake. Washing machine?"\n\nThe husband snorts awake and replies, \n\n"Huh? Oh... don't worry. It was a small load, and I did it by hand..."
180673
101? I ONLY HAVE MY BEST 3 JOKES...HOPE IT DOESN'T OFFEND U\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING