I get mad at my husband because before we were married he flirted a lot.  what should i do?
830882
flirting is exactly what we're SUPPOSED to do before we're married, get over it
988518
You just need to change the mantra in your head and be actively responsible for your behavior towards your husband.  Ask yourself how you would feel if he was doing this to you. You would feel like you were married to an insecure loser.  If you continue on this path you will no doubt drive him away or at the very least, into the arms of another woman. Men do not like nagging, if you are obsessed with compliments, he will feel you are being a nag and tune you out. If he is tuning you out audibly he will tune you out in his head too, therefore opening himself up to the possibility of another woman. Or he will say to himself, "hmmm maybe she is not that great." Talk about mixed signals, at once you call yourself beautiful and then on the other hand you beg for compliments. Tell yourself,' he is with me for a reason otherwise why would he still be here?' Fulfill all of your dreams with direct action of your own. Do not rely on others to make you happy. The only person that can make you happy is you.
529955
First, the two of you got married very young. You didn’t have time to explore your likes and dislikes, nor had time to find yourselves.\nSecond, chances are you are more mature than he is, men fully mature by age 26. \nNow, he lied because you might get upset and he is trying to avoid a fight, or he is embarrassed or he misbehaved.\nYou need to have a heart to heart talk. Stay calm and focused and let him know his actions are harming the marriage. Do not get defensive or you will get the opposite response you are looking for. Best wishes
1084469
LOL .... yes, my ex-husband used to promise that if I'd just "be open" about staying in touch with old friends from my "wild" days, that he wouldn't get mad. And it was true, he didn't rage or shout or any of those other "angry" behaviors. He just sulked and pouted for days. And then brought it up a few weeks later when he was angry about something else. \n\nYour wife isn't secretive because she fears your anger. She is secretive because you CARE so much. Even if you don't get angry, even if you don't pout or sulk either, even if you have admirable self control and don't react in any overtly negative way, you're wife knows it makes you upset and unhappy. As long as this is the case, she will continue to "protect you" -- and the relationship -- from this upset and unhappiness. \n\nYou have to let this go, to put this into the mental compartment called "my wife had a life before she met me" and leave it there. When you have trained yourself to be sincerely indifferent to this part of your wife's life, she will no longer have any reason to hide it from you.\n\nPersonal change is hard, isn't it?
831949
Maybe you two should seek couple's counseling.  His anger is alarming.  It could escalate into something worse.  Do yourself a favor, and try to get help for this.  He should not explode like that and say those hurtful things.
460197
I think that you should talk to him and ask him what is bothering him?. How long has he been accusing you of this?. Did something happen lately that made him start acting like that?. How long have you been married?. The first year it the toughest so hang in there and just try to be open and honest with him. communication is very important, i have been married for almost 19 years and i can tell you communication is very important
1127693
Ok, I think I understand your question.\n\nThat is not cool for you husband to joke around like that. ~ Not during your most intimate and private moments together.  It is possible, if that is the kind of sense of humor there is in your relationship, that he was innocently joking.  But, I sense that you don't feel that way and are confused and rather offended that he makes any such comments.  The humor in a joke often stems from the truth of it...  You really need to sit down and talk with your husband and lay out some quidelines and expectations for your marriage.  What I would do, is tell your manboy husband that this kind of "joking" is hurtful or bothersome to you and you would rather he did not talk like that.  You may want to look into some counseling in order to get an outside perspective and some support.  Be sure and give your husband all of the things you would want yourself in the relationship, such as Trust, Compassion, Respect, Honesty and of Course good ol' fashioned L O V E.
584919
Most men will deny such behavior, especially when they have no defense. I wouldn't worried about it, but I would keep my eyes open. Married men flirting, especially in the work place where both of you work is disrespectful to you as a wife and the marriage.
322075
Ehh, I am going to go out on a limb here, and say that you shouldn't AUTOMATICALLY leave him, unless he is still activly particpating in his marriage, in which case you should.  I have to say that I was married, but not (we were separated), and I started a relationship with an amazing woman, but I was up front about my status.  Give him a chance to explain himself, if you don't like what he has to say then you can slap him and leave.  Don't act to hasty, get the lay of the land before you make a decision.  Good luck my dear, I hope it turns out ok.
745508
follow your heart but communcate that with your husband...and for god sake stop worrying about this stuff and consummate the marriage..its been long enough and im sure hes irritated.
1091036
BRAVO !!!\n\nI am glad you are doing the best thing for your marriage.\n\nMost couples cheat or want to cheat, because they miss the romance.  Now, listen to me, TRUE love never dies...\nmany times, married people get lazy > take each other for granted, and stop flirting.\nThe best way to repair this, is \nbegin the flirtations again, and begin to respect each other's needs become best-friends and really care about each other's needs.  GIVE what you want to receive, it works!\n\nI always advise to RENEW the romance part.\n\nYou two are on the right track.\nYou obviously still love each other (as I said)\nRebuilt the TRUST...tell each other the truth how the cheat was only about sex, not love, and it felt awful and disgusting afterward.\n\nBecome best-friends, which was probably lacking before...\n\nEliminate the pride...it gets you nothing, and also can distort love.  Pride is a nasty demon to marriages...\n\nAnd when you two decide to try again, \ndon't every let the romance, flirting, and consideration ever die again.\n\nAlways DATE you mate  ESPECIALLY after marriage.\n\nI wish you LOVE\nstw
1044696
Dear asker,\n\nYou have to stop dragging your bagagge into your new relationship, he is NOT your ex-husband nor he has to be punished for what someone else did to you. It's not fair.\n\nYou have to put your guard down. He probally doens't know the details of your marriage and doesn't know what is most sensitive to you. You have to communicate and don't hold on to a grudge because youa re goingto explode, make a dramatic scene and drive him away.\n\nWhile is natural for you to feel tempted to walk away from a relationship because you are not going to take any more crap from anyone, I think that you are overreacting because probally your boyfriend is not doing nothing to you that merits such display of rage and emotions. Tell him about what makes you angry and sad and what subjects are better left untouched so it won't trigger your defensive mode, \n\nIf you want to try to be in a relationship, you have to learn to trust again (easier said than done) and let go of your bad experiences so you can freely enjoy love the way is supposed to be.\n\nBest of luck to you
107067
i had the same problem when i just got married with my husband.  i'm a jealous type too and very insecure with everything.  and he cheated on me not only once but twice.  i know its crazy to forgive him after cheating twice but forgiving him wasnt a mistake.  i tried to snooped on his stuff to find something that he might be hiding from me.  i was so insecure with his friends because it seemed like he was having more fun with them than his own wife.  we almost filed a divorce but i didnt want to lose him eventhough he cheated on me and he was neglecting me. i believed that i married this guy and i am willing to live with him forever.  we went to counseling and it was good.  it opened his eyes.  but i thought it was all his fault.  the counselor did pretty good explaining that i did some mistakes too.  i was so focus on my jealousy and forgot about our marriage.  after that i seen his effort to change and he really did.  he regrets everything. and now we already 5 years marriage and proud to say we're getting strong.\n\ni am sharing u this because i think what i've been through is the same as what your situation right now.  dont let her leave u.  if there is still a way to stay together then do it.  honestly, even i see my husband changed a lot - his past still hauting me sometimes.  its not easy to forget.  u have to go counseling or get somebody to help u out.  u have to talk to her.  communication is the best key to a happy marriage.  i know she cheated on u but give her a chance.  there's nothing wrong if give it a try for the second time.  if u guys talk - listen to her and let her listen to u.  this is what i've learned from the counseling...when u guys talking, dont use YOU.  like u did that, u did this.  thats blaming.  use I.  be calm and if she says something will hurt u.  dont be mad - listen to her.  only both of u can resolve your problem.  i believe that marriage is not always about sex, being happy and successful.  having ups and downs are very normal. show her u love and u care for her.  maybe u are doing what i did - focusing on my jealousy and not your marriage.   \nbefore its too late, go seek some help..good luck!!!
569515
Forget subtlety.  Tell him outright you don't like it and if it happens again you will tell your husband.  He doesn't sound like much of a friend to your husband, and hubby would probably be better off without this jerk for a friend.\n\nProtect your marriage, protect eachother.
787671
YES, you should feel upset, and you're not overreacting. Sounds annoying and angering. I'm surprised he even asked you to marry him. Do you think he'll keep the promise to walk down the aisle? I had a man like that once. He promised to propose to me year after year after year. He promised he'd do it after he paid off his credit card. But when he did, he just bought himself a brand new car. Then he wanted a big projection television. Et cetera. It's hard to pinpoint exactly why some people do crap like that: lack of ability to commit, laziness, control, or just plain meanness. Talk to him about it...tell him that it makes you UNHAPPY, and be sure to stress that word. If you're unhappy, then it can lead you to fall out of love with him, and leave him. That should show him that he needs to be more trustworthy with you.
106635
of course first of all you must talk to your husband. tell him all that you know about his computer "games" and tell him how he makes you feel and how he has been treating you. give him time to talk. be open honest and blunt. if you are blunt to him he will be to you. don't spare andy feelings this is your life if things don't work out with your husband then take it from there but don't betray him even if things turn for the worse (divorce) my advise is spend less time with the friend ( i know it will be hard) and more time with the family. Try to salvage your mariage before you indulge your short term desires. Be patient and have will power. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS
712006
sugar, some of the above comments are simply bad bad advice. Trying to hurt him back, divorcing him, etc - they are simply bad bad choices that will only make things worse.\n\nwhat is needed is for you and your husband to seek godly counsel, to learn to forgive and be honest with each other. don't throw your marriage out the window. don't seek revenge. don't let your anger or humilation overcome you.\n\nbelieve it or not, there are many many couples who not only recover from something like this but who go on to be stronger than ever in their marriage.\n\nBut you do need to be honest with other, to seek counsel from someone you both trust and respect, to learn to pray and commit things to God, to forgive....\n\nGod bless you!!!\n\nPlease let me know if I can help at all!!!