A dwarf walked up to the tall blonde at the bar and said.?
823089
ha ha. made me laff sooo much.... never shag a retarded dwarf coss its not big and its not clever... ha ha.....
1143436
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?\nA: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
979875
go up and talk to her.
666981
A little duck waddles into a bar. He waddles up to the bar, flies up onto the bar and yells to the bartender, "HEY!"\nThe bartender is perturbed but he sneers out "Whaddaya want?"\nThe little duck asks, "Hey man, you got any duck food?"\nThe bartender gets mad and tells the little duck, "Hell no I ain't got no duck food. This is a people bar. Now, hop your little white ass off my bar and leave. I never want to see you in here again."\nThe little duck says "Thanks", hops down off the bar and waddles out.\nThe next day, that same little duck waddles into that same bar. He waddles up to the bar, flies up onto it and yells to the bartender "HEY!"\nThe bartender sees him and gets immediately irate.\n"Whaddaya want now?" growls the bartender.\n"Hey man, you got any duck food?" The little duck asks nicely.\nThis further enrages the bartender to the point that he grabs the little duck around the neck and lifts him off the bar.\n"I done told you once, this is a people bar and we ain't got no duck food. Now, get out of here and don't come back because the next time I see you in here I'm gonna nail those flat-ass orange feet of yours to this bar, got it?"\nThe little ducks nods and the bartender lets him go. He hops down off the bar and waddles out, shaking his head.\nThe next day that same little white duck waddles back into the bar. He flies up onto the bar, looks at the bartender and yells "HEY!"\nThe bartender sees him and grins. "What'd I tell you I was gonna do to you next time I saw you in here?" He starts walking toward the duck.\nThe little duck asks very quickly, "Hey man, you got any nails?"\nThe bartender stops short with a confused look on his face. "Hell no, I ain't got no nails."\n"Well then," drawls the little duck, "got any duck food?"
604423
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for\nawhile,\nhe yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"\nThe bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that\njoke,\nsir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.\n2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.\n3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.\n4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.\n5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.\nNow think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
1151126
Sees a buxom blonde waitress (reading her name tag),\n "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
153024
Funny one jor.  O.k. This man is sitting in a bar watching the 11:00 news.  A blond comes in and sits down. On t.v. there's this man getting ready to jump off a building.  The man at the bar says " I'll bet you $20 that the man will jump." The woman says o.k. So the man jumps and the blond gives the man his money.  He says "I can't take this, I saw it on the 6:00 news.  She says "I did too but I didn't think he would jump twice."  Here's another one.  How can you tell a blond has been using a computer?  The screen is covered is whiteout.
444309
2 blondes walk into a building..........you think they would have known better!
667035
WOW ! smart - blonde -\nand a lesbian .........\n\n you can;t be that perfect !
716772
here's a good one that isn't too short. \n\nA blonde and a brunette are watching the news, where a man is going to jump off a building. The brunette says "I betcha 10 euro that he'll jump". The blonde says "I betcha 10 euro that he won't". So they accept. \nThen the man jumps. The blonde starts to give the brunette the money when the brunette says "I can't take your money, i saw this on the 5 'o' clock news already". The blonde says "Yeah, I saw it too, I just didn't think he'd jump again"!!
724840
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00\nbetween them.\nLarry said, "Hang on, I have an idea"\nHe went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.\nBob said, "Are you crazy??? Now we don't have any money left at\nall!!"\n>Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."\n>\n>They went into a pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels.\n>Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!"\n>Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!"\n>They downed their drinks.\n>Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you geto on your knees and put it in your mouth."\n>Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.\n>\n>They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"\n>Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage after the\n>third pub!"
283099
A guy walks into a bar with a salamander on his shoulder.  He asks, "I'll take a shot, and a cup of water for my buddy Tiny here."  The bartender asks, "Why do you call him Tiny?"  The guy answers, "because he is minute." [pronounced mi-nute]\n\nGet it?  Mi-nute, minute meaning tiny. My newt!  \n\nIt is so corny that it doesn't always translate to the written word.  It needs to be said out loud.
710035
not heard that one!\nWill be telling that down the pub sometime! lol
271538
I'm with tallgirl, what the hell are you asking? Two points!!
712276
wow you spent a wee bit much time at the pub, bloke.\n\n^_~
724074
I got one for yah.... a man goes to a sky bar and orders a shot of tequila, then walks over to the window and jumps out. A few minutes later, the man enters the bar again. Another patrion at the bar see's this and asks the man how he is still alive. The man answers: the taquila give's you buoyancy. So the patron orders a shot of tequila and jumps out the window and..... DEAD!! The bartender looks at the other man and says... Your an a$$ hole SUPERMAN!
1130840
Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. Says to the bartender 'I'll bet a hundred dollars this octopus can play any instrument in the place.' \nSo the bartender points at the piano in the corner says, 'Go ahead.' \nGuy puts the octopus on the piano stool, octopus flips up the lid, plays a few scales, then lays out a little étude on the piano.\nSo guys says 'Pay up,' \nBartender says 'Wait a minute,' pulls out a guitar. \nGuy gives the octopus the guitar, octopus tightens up the E-string, closes its eyes, plays a sweet little fandango on the guitar. \nGuy says 'Pay up,' \nBartender says 'Hold on, I think I've got something else around here,' pulls a clarinet out of the back room. Octopus looks the thing over a couple of times, tightens the reed. Well, the octopus isn't good exactly, but he manages to squeak out a few bars on the clarinet. He isn't going to win any awards, but he plays the thing. \nGuy says 'Pay up,' \nThe bartender says "Just wait one minute,' goes in the back rummages around finally comes out with a bagpipes. Plops the bagpipes up on the bar. \nGuy brings the octopus over, plops the octopus up next to the bagpipes. \nOctopus looks the bagpipes over, reaches out lifts one pipe lets it drop. Lifts another lets it drop. Backs up, squints at the bagpipes. \nGuy gets nervous, comes over to the bar says to the octopus 'What's the matter? Can't you play it?' \nAnd the octopus says 'Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pajamas off, I'm gonna f**k it!'"