Once a cutter...Always a cutter...?
724833
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-injury/DS00775\nSelf-injury/cutting\nIntroduction\n\nFor people who can't fathom deliberately hurting themselves, self-injury may seem shocking and frightening. But for people who do injure themselves by cutting or other means, self-injury offers a momentary sense of calm and a release of tension. Unfortunately, that's usually quickly followed by guilt and shame and the return of other painful emotions. And with self-injury comes the very real possibility of inflicting serious and even fatal injuries.\n\nSelf-injury isn't a specific disease or condition. Rather, it's a type of abnormal behavior. It may accompany a variety of mental disorders, such as depression and borderline personality disorder. Because self-injury is often done on impulse, it's sometimes considered an impulse-control behavior problem. Self-injury is also known as self-harm, self-injurious behavior and self-mutilation.\n\nhttp://health.discovery.com/centers/teen/cutters/cutters.html\nhttp://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html\nhttp://www.kidzworld.com/site/p4217.htm\nhttp://www.thehelpline.net/selfinjury.html\nhttp://teenadvice.about.com/od/cuttingbranding/\nhttp://www.webmd.com/content/article/53/61375.htm
782510
Well, they're two very different questions...And everyone has a very own reason for both.\nComman reasons for cutting involve things such as abuse, be it physical, mental, sexual, even bullying. Past events that still bother them, and problems that they haven't been able to let go of. Still there are a number of reasons I haven't mentioned. \nThe same goes for suicide. Don't generalise the reasons for the two though, and don't assume they are the same thing, or anything like the same.
10276
I can certainly relate to what you are going through.  I, too, am a giver, and I have felt so drained of everything after being repeatedly used by someone. Yes, it does hurt badly to be liked for only what you have or can give!  I agree that you should be quick to forgive, and not just when it feels right.  However, you can forgive someone but still keep a healthy distance from that person if they continue doing things to hurt you.  Someone who is TRULY sorry won't keep using and abusing you.  I would suggest you try reading the book "Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It really deals with this very issue and shows you how to safely choose people who are not going to treat you as a door mat.  In the mean time, go on forgiving, but set up some boundaries for yourself and don't allow people to walk on you.  Choose your friends wisely.  You can still love them, and pray for them, that they will come to see how they have treated you, but you don't want to give them the go-ahead for mistreating you.  If they are truly your friends, they will stop and never do it again.  If not, it's time to meet some new people.
888845
You move on as well.  Time heals.  Every person has a different amount of time that it takes to heal.  You will have scars.  But scars are a sign of healing.  Move forward.  One day at a time.  Good luck to you.
109848
Self-mutilation is usually not the problem itself, but a symptom of the problem. Speaking from personal experience, alot of "cutters" feel that the cutting is a release for the pain and frustration that they feel inside. I'm willing to bet that your friend is suffering from depression. This is not something that you can handle on your own. If you guys are minors, than you need to speak with her parents. They need to be aware of her problem so that they can seek professional help. She may be angry with you and feel betrayed at first, but she WILL realize one day that you did it because you care. She'll probably even be thankful! If, however, you're NOT minors, then you should gently tell her that you're concerned and think that she should seek help. Be sure to tell her that she's not crazy, and let her know that damn near everyone needs a little help sometimes. No matter what, let her know that you love her and will always be there for her.\n\nI hope this helps...good luck to you both...
892121
The hurt and scars will always be there. Forgiveness is a cognitive choice to act differently than you feel. Over time this becomes easier to do. Look at the mennonites who had their children murdered...they forgave even though they were grieving and had deep emotions and hurt. They believe there is no other way to live. Jesus said "forgive them father for they know not what they do" Now this does not mean we put ourselves at risk for further harm...ie we don`t continue to live with a violent partner just because we forgave them...
46578
To some degree you have to disassociate yourself from the situation. Don't think too much about the fact that you are cutting into a person...really the person is gone...all thats left is the body. Try to take a purely scientific viewpoint.  If it will help pretend its not real I guess...  \n\nOn a sidenote I was a preveterinary student at one time so I didn't deal with human bodies, but sometimes the animals were just as bad. Take the advice as you will.
1161503
You have to choose the right person to tell, someone you're close to, or your therapist (if you have one, if not, I recommend it).  I've found it easier to tell people things by email or over IM, and not in person.  But it actually might be easier to tell a therapist, since she or he probably won't judge you for it, or at least not as much as someone you're close to.  As a former cutter myself (haven't cut myself for any reason for about 2 1/2 years), I would recommend DBT (dialectical behavior therapy, also a common treatment for borderline personality disorder, but it's effective for other things as well).  It IS possible to stop, and it does get a LOT better.
1008413
I think it is because it is not socially accepted.  When I see someone who cuts, I feel only concern for the person, rather than other emotions.  I used to cut when I was in inter/high school, but now do not anymore.  I feel that the social pressure not to do it is a factor in why I stopped.  I also feel that there is no understanding into why, most people think it is a suicidal behavior.
521586
As being a former cutter all I can say is your friend needs your support. Cutting is an addiction, like drugs and alcohol, that we create in our own mind. We feed off the adrenaline. It is also a vicious cycle. We cut, we feel bad about cutting so we cut to make up for that. I struggled for five years and I got through it with a great support system. \nI know you're scared and worried about your friend. Let her know it. Also, try to not to rub it in her face cause it feeds the cycle. Try to find out what it is that triggers it. Did she recently break-up/dumped  with someone, are her parents divorcing, did one of her parents recently remarry? Try to see what is going on in her life that would make her feel this way. And like I said be there for her. It is easy for her to feel alone and abandoned and shameful of her situation. Also, does her parents know? Does she have an adult she trusts?\nIf you have any questions contact me. Good Luck, I hope I helped
948353
Yes, my past comes and bites me in the ass all the time...some days I wish I could have a "do over"..so I could make better choices...I know youre not feeling sorry for yourself, it's just so frustrating sometimes...like you want to scream"I'm Sorry, I'm trying my best, I'm not the same person !" Hang in there and keep making good choices and doing the right thing now...
953949
Cutting is an interesting action and one that causes great concern to a parent. I know kids that just outgrew the need.  If you have developedd the skills to cope without cutting yourself, it may be time to develope the skills to discuss this with your parents. You are the most important person to them and they are hovering because they do not want you to hurt yourself - just at the time in your life when you would like more freedom. So work on getting that trust and independence balance back. Start with a chat. But remember, you are not a renter in the house so you will not be ignored - you are a family member and need family interaction too.
589107
Yes I was stabbed in the back by my ex best friend. I would give her rides to work and ask nothing in return. I would also lend her money when she and her children were hungry. One day I noticed her stomach started getting big, she told me she was pregnant by a guy named Timmy and then before having the baby, she admitted she was pregnant by my man! I was so hurt and shocked. I forgave her but things were never the same and slowly our friendship drifted apart. I still have the stab wound in my back!
1121974
I am a recovering cutter myself so I can tell you that you cant do anything to make her stop. You can, however, help her by letting her know that you truly care and want to understand. Make sure she knows that whenever she needs to talk you are always ALWAYS available to listen to her. You might try asking her to call you whenever she fights with her mom or whenever her mom hurts her instead of cutting herself.\n\nPeople who cut themselves do sometimes have suicidal thoughts, but the act of cutting is not a suicide attempt in itself. Self-mutilation is a coping mechanism that people use to try to comfort themselves because "normal" coping mechanisms like running, writing, "take a deep breath", etc doesnt work for them. Because of this make sure you never refer to her cutting as wrong or bad or abnormal because its her last resort to deal with her pain.\n\nAs far as telling someone, I would advise you dont tell anyone just yet. Before you tell someone you need to talk to her about it and suggest that you can be with her when she tells someone. If she refuses to tell someone no matter how hard you try you need to tell her that if she doesnt tell someone then you will. Like someone else said, cutting is often a sign of some sort of mental health disorder and can be treated with medication and/or therapy. \n\nGood luck and if you have any more questions or your friend needs someone to talk to who's been through all this PLEASE dont hesitate to IM me on AIM at HeresToGoodnight. Or you can email me at my yahoo email adress and I will be more than happy to help you guys out. Good luck!
1066554
Cutters do this because it makes them forget what they are upset or hurting about.  It is a serious mental disorder that they need counseling for.  Please don't abandon her, but have a serious heart to heart talk with her and persuade her to get help thru counseling.  It starts as superficial cutting, then leads to deeper cutting and other forms of self-destruction.  Offer to go with her to talk to someone, preferably her parents or a trusted teacher at school (assuming you are both still in school).  If not, then offer to go with her to a counseling appointment.  She will feel safer with a trusted friend by her side.  She has a long road to recovery ahead of her.  Please don't abandon her, walk by her side.
316768
I know some people who commit an act, pay their time and regret it, so then they don't do it. "Once an offender, always an offender" is a bunch of crock.  When you burn your hand on the stove or from too hot of water in the tub/shower, chances are you won't do it again. Everyone deserves a second chance, but I don't think you're excusing it. Sometimes it's best not to mention it because it's in the past, yet repeated offenders should be brought to people's attention.\n\nIt's a hard call, really.
522048
well i have a horrible past! and i built up walls to it. but i have recently found out that to move on from it---i had to break them down and deal with it---now i can move on from it! if you have never had a bad past, you can never fully understand how it effects your present! agree???? well life for me is better! but i have such a tendency to look for trouble and heartache...i guess it is still in me to live a troubled life......