How can I, as a victim of abuse, deal with my anger toward my abusers?
815874
I was neglected as a child, abused as an adult. The only way I got over these conflicts in my life was by FORGIVENESS. That may seem strange to you, but your anger towards people are only holding them to you. They don't suffer for what they've done, but you have placed on yourself MORE suffering by not forgiving them. \n\nWrite them a letter, tell them how you feel, rip it up and burn it...don't send it to them. Forgive them in your heart, it will free you to go on with your life without them. Don't confront them, they will deny it and make your anger worse.\n\nThey abused you, now you are abusing yourself. Let it go. (and if you are religious, pray and give them and your anger towards them to God to handle, He will!)
259173
yes,go to anger management classes.:)
1153472
get away from the abuser. and tell some one. ANYONE!!! you don't want to be by your self on this! and if it really was me then the abuser wouldn't be around very much longer :)
1014714
This makes me feel that your mother did abuse you - not physically or sexually but emotionally. This is a valid form of abuse, and like any other takes a lot of time and love to heal.\n\nI suggest that if you have now moved out of the family house, you write a letter to your mother, telling her how she made you feel, describing both positive and negative situations. See how she responds. If she responds negatively, denying or invalidating your feelings, then have very little to do with her. She is your mother, but there is no reason you have to see her if it makes you uncomfortable. If she responds positively to the letter, apologising, wanting to build a better relationship, try and build a new relationship with her.\n\nCounselling may help with this as this was child abuse. The most important thing is that you don't hold on to this hurt and get bitter, but let it go; your mother doesn't owe you anything. This is very difficult to do, but eventually you will be free from this pain.
628544
although i wasn't abused as a child, i had a terrible experience when i was a teenager, i was date raped. i understand what you're going through and i know it hurts alot but you need to find the strength to move on with your life. anger and hate won't take you anywhere, it'll just make you bitter and it won't give you peace. i know what i'm talking about cuz i too dwelled on with my past for the longest time and i almost ruined my life. \ndon't worry though, better days is just around the corner, you just have to hold on and work on to getting well again my friend.\ni'll pray for your recovery!\nGod speed\n\np.s.\ntry to read this book: your past does not define your future by bo sanchez (this book is published in the philippines). this book has really helped me alot.
123451
wen ever u get angry, start counting reverse from 10 to 1, second method, if u are so angry that u wanna fight with that person, or may b u are just too disturbed, say to urself "that i"ll manage it after 10  minutes, after 10 minutes say after 1 hr, and so on", this might help. But these are the situations wen u get actually angry and then want to control the anger. Just to keep ur temep in check, try meditation, i keep fast once a week, and that day resolve not to get angry and it really helps, i am trying to keep my temper in check as well. Over the time, i have realised that it is a very CONSCIOUS effort, tell urself that u"ll control ur anger now onwards and this shd help, this has helped me as well. good luck!
1117753
Yes, you need to apologize.  To start with, you had absolutely no right to strike another human being!  That is abuse.   Violence is never an answer to anger.  You showed a lot of emotional immaturity when you struck your brother.  Apologize but accept the fact that it might take him a while to forgive you.  He was hurt by your actions and he probably doesn't trust you right now.
971062
Hello: I would like to make a suggestion. If at all possible please look for a therapist. I'm not suggesting this to be rude. You say that there was a lot of fighting in your life as a child. That is emotional abuse. Yelling, name calling, fighting, screaming matches that is abuse. If you are having flashbacks and repressed memories to me as a survivor of abuse both emotional, and other it seems like there are things that maybe you need unburden your heart with. There seems like there could be a lot of pain to perhaps work out. I have P.T.S.d and flashbacks are something that I deal with  I have anxiety and I have repressed memories. I encourage you to please talk to someone. A pastor, relative, friend, or therapist. Please for if nothing else at all then to help with your blood pressure. I have worked through many problems and still have a long way to go. If it seems like I am reading to much in to this then perhaps I could be. It just sounds like something is troubling your heart.\nGood Luck and I'll keep you in thought and prayer.
958744
Don't sweat the small stuff.  If you do then alot of times it turns into big stuff unneccessarily.\nFor the real anger:\n1) Realize what triggers anger in you - a feeling of inferiority, personal injury or humiliation, not being able to be heard, etc.\n2)  Realize when you begin to get angry - thoughts begin to race, focus is not on what the person is saying or doing anymore but how to get back at them, not listening but instead waiting for your turn to talk, bringing up irrelevant things to the issue at hand, etc.\n3)  Realize when communication has completely broken down - again most of what is in #2.\n4)  Take control of yourself instead of trying to control the situation - don't be afraid to take a time-out and revisit the issue later (this requires an agreement with whoever IN ADVANCE)\n5)  Always respect the other person as you would want to be respected, even if they are not doing the same for you!\n\nAll of these points take work, but practice makes perfect.\nGood luck!  These steps work but you must want to change.
1044017
that is really sad that you have been done like that .. but with therapy to help you deal you can live a normal life.some how the victim feels like its there fault ..
893708
Those who anger you control you.
1177555
try to help them with there pain and anger and greif because living with the fact you have killed someone is not easy
162069
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a hard time.  I am also estranged from an abusive father, and I dont know how I would feel if he died.  I think about this all the time.  Perhaps the issue is that you never got a chance to resolve your situation with him.  Perhaps you're still waiting to hear him say 'I'm sorry'.  Or, more likely, you're not necessarily mourning for him, but for the father you never had and truly deserved.  I mourn for this all the time.
561377
Yes it seems they have a victim's mentality and are needy and the people that abuse others seem to sense this in others.  You have to look at how you act strong or weak. Go to a counselor and work on the trauma. Don't think it will go away because it doesn't
1170995
Move on forward, don't waste strength on focusing on that anger. Surely you'll find a better one, TRUST ME.
376323
The first thing is, you need to recognize the problem which you have. \n\nI used to struggle with that too. I had a lot that went on in my life that was no good. I talked to a counselor and told him that I am an angry person. He told me that I am a good person, but I need to get my anger under control\n\nHe told me to remember that we choose our emotions whether we know it or not. He said that there is no point in getting angry over something that we have no control of and it is especially important that we don't not lash out at our loved ones. \n\nMaybe you should try counseling for a while. \nI feel for you and I think it's awesome that you are willing to admit that you have a temper problem. A lot people don't have the guts to do that. THey think that everyone else is the problem
781901
Take it out on a punching bag or go for a long run.\n\nBoth of these remedies for anger have done wonders for me and they will for you 2 if you do them every day, or at least when you are the most angry.\n\nIf you have these much needed physical outlets for your anger that don't involve hurting other people or yourself, you will soon find yourself in control of your anger, and your anger will no longer be in control of you.\n\nP.S. - buy one of the heavier punching bags, and use it for the times you are most angry and need the quickest release activity for it.