Joke.... Ship sinks and the Captain and Three crew members are in a life raft thousands of miles from nowhere?
817759
lol OMG LMAO this is funny.mind if i use it.
361833
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Doreen that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.  Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.  Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"  Doreen agreed and again they made love. \nLater, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Doreen's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.  Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.  "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"  His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I have to get up in the morning! You don't."
271341
Its something in our water didn't you know. Keep smiling you make me laugh!!
461005
A boss and 3 employees working in his office, went to a beach one day.\nthey find a allauddin lamp. all 4 gets exited and rubs the lamp, out of which allauddin comes out.\nAllauddin thanked all 4 and tells them that he can fulfill a wish of all 4 members...\n\none employee says "I want to be in a place , where i find all nude girls dancing with me all the day",..allauddin says "ok" and the employee vanishes from the place.\n\n2nd employee says "i want to be in a room filled with full of american dollars"..allauddin says "ok" and the employee vanishes.\n\n3rd employee says "i want a big house, 2 nice wives, 2 big cars, and a room full of money"...allauddin says "ok" and the employee vanishes...\n\nOnly the boss is left now, and he is very serious with his employees.\nAllauddin asks the boss abt his wish...then the angry boss says "i want those 3 idiots back in my office tomorrow"
1042208
this is a funny joke. your funny.\n\n**please god let this be a joke and not a real thought..amen.**
1079999
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.\n\nHe gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
1013575
OK those jokes are pretty good and i also have one here waiting for you\n\nWhat did the pirate say after someone asked why there was a steering wheel in his pants.\n\nhe says: Argghh its driving me nuts! hehe sorry its kinda dirty but it was good (to me it was good)
716394
Try this\n\nAn old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age. The old sailor asks, "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots." "Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?" She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."
1142470
Lifeboats ARE sinkable!
13349
Why wouldn't we get shot into outer space??  I mean.. do you realize how FAST the earth is spinning??  And do you know the size of the wave in the ocean that would create, amoungst SO many other things???  I'm pretty sure we'd all be dead and not really care that we all fell down, if that were truly the case! lol
876308
Good joke.\nLittle sh1t has an answer for everything!
593011
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Some time in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up. "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." \n\nWatson says: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth; and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." \n\nHolmes replies: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"
523855
IT HIT AN ICEBERG! It was the biggest ship ever of its time. There weren't enough lifeboats. Lots of people died making it. It was the most expensive ship in the world. the captain died with his ship. The people who evacuated the boat came up with the idea of women and children first. Erm...I don't know much more about it but there you go anyway :P
90766
??????????!!\nAsk for seconds??\nBurp?\nCall an ambulance, the EMTs could use a good laugh!\n\nI wish I could give you 10 points for the most outrageous question ever! LOL
461154
I Think I Understand Where Your Goin With This Question Jack\n\nIf We See The US As A LIFEBOAT...And The People Tryin To \nFind A Better Life(ILLEGAL Immigrants)Being The VICTIMS Of A SINKING Ship\n\nThe Life Boat Holds 30 People - (Citizens And LEGAL Immigrants)\n\nAnd Theres Only ONE Boat-With Enough Food And Water \n(JOBS) For The People On Board(Citizens And LEGALS)\n\nYet There Are HUNDREDS Of VICTIMS Treading Water (Illegals)\n\nYea...I Can See It...Yea, Lets Let Em ALL In\n\nNeed I Say More??? Everybody Get It???\n\nGood Question Jack..When DO We Row Away???\n\nI Think A Good Time To Start Rowing Away Is BEFORE The BOAT Overloads And SINKS...\n\nOr Were ALL Up $HIT Creek---\n\nThanks Jack-I Think I See Things A Little More Clear Now
545566
A down on his luck mathematician interviewed for a job as a fireman.  He was asked the question in his interview, "If there was a paper fire in a dumpster, how would you deal with it?"  The mathematician proceeded to describe how he'd get the fire hose and fill the dumpster with water, thereby extinguishing the fire.\n\nTwo weeks later, the fire company, with the mathematician as a new member, responded to a fire at a warehouse.  Arriving at the warehouse, they found a pallet of paper brochures on fire.  Quickly, the mathematician opened a warehouse door, grabbed a pallet jack, pushed the pallet into a dumpster outside the warehouse door, then grabbed a fire hose and fills the dumpster.\n\nThe fire chief was furious?  "What the heck you were doing?" he asked the mathematician.  The mathematician responded, "I simply re-expressed the problem in terms of a problem with a known solution."
1183678
Three guys, a white guy, black guy and a polock, stranded on an island 50 miles from shore after their boat sunk.  They are there for about a week when the white guy says "I have had enough im going to try and swim" he gets about 20 miles gets tired and drowns.  The black guy then tries to swim back to the main land.  He gets 35 miles, gets tired and drowns.  The polock is sitting there bored... and he finally decides to try and swim to shore... He gets 49 miles! He sees the beach of the shore just in front of him... but he thinks to himself... its just tooo far, there is no way I can make it... so he turns around and swims back to the island.\n\nWhat do you call a school bus full of white kids?  A twinky\n\nWhat do you call a white guy pushing a car up a hill?\nWhite Power\nWhat do you call a black guy pushing a car up a hill?\nBlack Power\nWhat do you call a mexican pushing a car up a hill?\nGrand Theft\n\nThere is a black guy and a mexican in a car..... Whos driving?\nThe COP!\n\nHow do you blindfold a chinaman?\nUse Dental Floss\n\nJohnny comes in from shooting his BB gun and sets the BB's on top of the stove... They fall into the soup his mom is making... At dinner the family eats the soup and goes to bed.  The next afternoon the father gets home and says to his wife.... "Honey, the funniest thing happened to me... I pissed BB's today.."  The wife says to her husband.  "Thats odd I also pissed BB's today".   A little later little Suzzie comes in and she says to her mom "I think there is something wrong with me... I just pee'ed BB's"  Just then Johnny comes running in yelling ... "DAD...DAD"  Johnnys dad says "What is it son... are you also pissing BB's?"  Johnny says ... "NO NO I was jerking off and I killed the cat!"\n\nWhat do you get when you cross a mexican and a polock?  Someone who spray paints chain link fence\n\nThree nuns die and go to heaven.  At the gates St Peter says "To get into heaven you each have to answer a question."  The nuns got very nervouse thinking that the questions will be extreamly hard.  St Peter says to the first nun "Who was the first man on earth?"  The nun says "Thats easy, it was Adam" , St Peters says "Go into heaven".  St Peter says to the other nun.."Who was the first woman on earth?"  The second nun says "Ahhh thats so easy, it was Eve?"  "You may go into heaven" St Peter says.  He then looks at the third nun who is thinking the questions are going to be easy now.  He asks her "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam....?" The nun looked puzzled... and murmered..."Thats a hard one...."  St Peter then said "Thats correct you can go into heaven."\n\nWhat crawls around and bumps into walls?  A baby with forks in its eyes.\n\nWhats the differance between a lawyer and a skunk?  A skunk has skid marks infront of it.\n\nA man breaks into a dark house.  As he is robbing it he hears a voice yell out..."Jesus is watching you"  The man stops and waits a minute... doesnt hear or  so see anything else so he keeps robbing...again the voice says "Jesus is watching you"... The robber turns on his flash light and shines it around the room and he spots a bird cage in the corner with a parot.  He walks up to the cage and says to the bird..."Is that you making all that noise?"  "Yep" says the bird.  The robber says "And whats your name?"  "My name is Moses" replies the bird.  "MOSES!  What kind of stupid people name their bird MOSES!" says the robber.  "The same stupid people who name their rottweiler Jesus!" replies the bird.\n\nAnd my hand hurts so im stopping :)