Ladies Only!! Been married one year, wife left me out of teh blue, need advice!!?
823745
I'm sorry to hear this. It sounds like your wife is inexperienced in relationships, and is emotionally immature. She will learn sooner or later that "butterflies" is but a short stage in the beginning of the relationship - but, before she learns it the "hard way", it sounds like she will fall on her face a few times, and drag others with her. There is a huge difference between "passionate love" and "companionate love"; "passionate love" is the "in-love" feeling that burns out after a relatively short while - but the "companionate love" is what keeps a long-term relationship alive. A simple fact of relationship wisdom, supported by scientific research, is that it's a losing proposition to chose passionate over companionate love in a long-term relationship. It won't work. Unfortunately, a long tradition of glorifying "passionate" love has taken its toll on the minds of young people; but it's a myth that is not supported by our biological make-up.\n\nSadly, there doesn't seem to be anything you can do to "change her mind". This is one of these things that one has to learn for themselves, I'm afraid. No amount of hard cold scientific evidence will sway her - if she was wise enough to heed to it, she wouldn't be putting both of you in this position to begin with.\n\nA book called The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt has a good section exploring passionate and companionate types of love. I thought it did a great job at trying to de-bunk the myth of the "love that lasts forever". Perhaps it could be something that could get the conversation going between you and your wife - although I strongly doubt that appeal to reason would have any effect at this point.\n\nThere could be other reasons why she is not happy in this relationship. But if she lacks the emotional intelligence and wisdom to articulate it and "put her finger" on it - there's no way for the two of you to begin to fix it.\n\nI'm married to my "best friend", and I personally feel that this is the best decision I could ever have made.
200225
If you are considering another relationship with her then maybe marriage counselling would be a first step.  If you can get through that then I might consider trying again but obviously there were serious issues that warranted the divorce to begin with.
634376
first and foremost you need to sit and talk to your wife. you need to be very honest not only with yourself, but with her. you need to tell her how you feel and be sure to be very considerate and aware of her feelings about your new found life. its not fair for you to continue to put her off or lie to her. honesty is always the best policy. i'm sure that if the two of you cant work things out it will be easier to part ways because you were not only honest with her, but with yourself. good luck!
556148
You didn't mention how long you have been married but it really doesn't matter too much.  I think some marriage counseling is in order.  Marriage is a team effort and she deserves your support in getting the extra help that you both need.  Go check out the site listed below.  Great site. Lots of insight.
603316
Not likely....you were only married for a year and you came into the marraige with these things.  Get a good lawyer and you should be fine.  Find a flat rate divorce attorney....it will cost you more up front, (and possible  a little more in the end) but you won't get nickel and dimed with every phone call, email, and paper that needs written/filed.  Good luck....and it really does gt better!
151150
I would suggest seeking counciling and taking the high road the first time. \n\nYou might learn about why it happen if you read the book by Willard harley Jr. called (His Needs, Her Needs) It is a book about affairs and it does not deal with male infedelity. It also looks into why a wife might cheat. \nFYI women can actually break off an affair easier then men ( if they have a reson to leave the other man) \n\nI guess what your going to have to consider is can you forgive her?\nDid you know what her 5 basic "needs" were? and ignore them. \nDoes she know your 5 basic "NEEDS" were? \n\nDo either of you know each others "LOVE LANGUAGE" \nIf not I would suggest getting professional help. First having a neutral party hwo can referee your disagreement can bring added weight when he/She suggest something to either of you. \n\nNow you also need to understand this problem will not be fixed over night. she has to rebuild trust, and you have to rebuild her "love bank" this takes months if not a year or more. but you may find it was the best investment you ever made. \n\nGod Blessing be with your family.
147877
Been there...don’t let the situation fester. You should go alone and work on your issues first(we all have them). You can not make her, or anyone, do something they don’t want to do. She will see that you are serious, making an effort and a commitment. You will learn how to ask her in a way that she would be willing to start going. Be a leader and take the 1st step. Besides it may take a few attempts to find a counselor that you like and trust. It may be helpful to find a female as your wife may feel less threatened. It worked for me and my wife. Good luck.
306746
First figure out what feelings these are you have and how strong.Second imagine yourself without the person who at one time (and probably still do)you loved with all your heart,(loved enough to make her your wife). If imagining her gone and with another man doesn't bother you, then I'd say "its over",but if it does BOTHER you-Then stay away from whatevers tempting you,and focus on yourself and your wife.
524888
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
853461
Sweetie, if the guy was married than you had nothing at all an if yall shared such a deep connection why aren't you with him now?Maybe what you should do first is get to know yourself first. Trying being alone and seeing what its like for awhile. If you feel lost because you don't have a man that makes others think that your weak. You should be independent rather your with someone or not. All I'm trying to say is that, how can you be devoted to someone who's already married? What would you do if the tables were turned and you were his wife??? Just don't get lost in the midst of needing someone, and having to have someone-figure out who you are and see how far that gets you!
792622
Hi lady, Ya know I am kinda the same boat. Ive been married twice, the first one for 14 years. She is a great lady and all but we just grew apart. The second one was right after my first!!!!!!!! Bad judgment on my part! I found my second wife, I think too soon, because I was so lonely. Ive been divorced from her for almost 4 years and Im very happy. I said all that to say this, I dont know your whole situation but after my second divorce I realized it was my turn. I didnt have a lot of friends and found myself at home a lot cleaning or reading a good book. Now that sounds boring , but I was content at that time. I needed more, as well as you, I wanted to have some fun , as you I didnt get in the bar scenes so I thought I was limited. Well guess what , the few friends I did have were waiting for me to ask the same question you asked.  First I started going to football games with friends then to some races and now we have a group that meets every saturday at rotating houses to watch the races and socialize. Ive really found a great group of friends both new and old and havent been to a bar yet. My advice to you is to turn to your friends and tell them your delima. I guess my answer is FRIENDS!  By the way Im 43 and now scuba dive, play tennis and many other things all due to my few friends! good luck , you sound like a great lady
974228
Don't listen to all the negativity that people are posting.  You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing.  So that is good.\nYou are both young with a toddler and you're a newly married couple...so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week.  It's not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.  \nJust keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out...just the two of you have an evening out once in a while...be silly have fun...just be together...I bet it's been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.  \nAny relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through...it's ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.\nDon't give up there is ALWAYS hope!!!  Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!
338351
Dude, a year is a decent time to get to know your future wife - (you know that new car smell, that's what it is now) \nthe worst mistake lot of couples make is not cohabiting - that's when you find out for certain if you can exist and live peacefully under one roof.\n\nTake your time do not let anyone rush you into setting the date - have certain priorities and work things out with your woman on serious issues - like housing, investing, having children - marriage is like getting into a business (the love is never eternal) you want to keep your store open for a long time without filing for bankruptcy - plan.\n\nWhen the new car smell dies - decide whether to trade or you gonna maintain it.
791754
have you considered marriage counseling? even if he wont go with you...you still need to go.....you have only been married a few months and sometimes(trust me i know) the first year is the ABSOLUTE hardest...if you want to make your marriage work it will take time and patience....but if deep inside you ..you feel there is no way it is gonna work and you are 100% sure about it then do not be guilted into staying in a marriage you are unhappy in...do whats best for you and fix this BEFORE kids get involved...good luck sweet pea
926906
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
466504
Realize what went wrong.\nThere is no fixing this if the marriage ended but make sure it doesn't happen again by not repeating past mistakes no matter who was at fault.\nPick Yourself up.\nStart attending events that interest you.\nSince you must be older , possibly look for senior activities even at large senior centers where you can go have dinner in the dining hall and talk with people your age if you don't have a strong friend network.
250205
Rework your resume.  Be honest about the time you cared for your wife.  You can alsways get a friend to give you a glowing work reference.