Supporting Adult Daughter Living at Home?
831675
So she's a pain is the a***?...So what. She is only 20, she is gonna get on your nerves, and please don't compare her with the 16 yr. old who only wants to please you. that is hurtful to all of you.\nI am assuming she isn't on drugs, she's going to school, what is her crime here?...cause she has a boyfriend.????...Remember when you were 20????\nTell the hubster to lighten up and be thankful that she is doing well in school and that she is a good kid, sloppy yeah, but good.  \nMake a list of what it is you expect for her to do to be a member of the household, put it on the fridge, and tell her that these are your expectations of her, if they are realistic, she'll comply I bet.  \n20 isn't easy, remember?...you are not a kid, not an adult, you just sort of are.  Please support her and encourage her schooling and good grades.  she sounds okay to me, lazy around home maybe, but with miss 16 year old perfect sibbling, what do you  expect?...She can't compete with that...\ngood luck, never easy. my daughter and I didn't speak for a year for the very reasons you have brought up, I would give my limbs to have that year back and I am the one who blew it, not her. have patience, she will love you for it...
543704
What about a compromise? You admit that outside child care has had upsides for your daughter though she tends to be more exposed to illness which is expected. You also seem to enjoy the fact that you have the ability to be out of the house, working at a job you hopefully enjoy and I'm sure this aspect has left you with a feeling of a more direct contribution to the home in terms of finance. However you do say that now your husband makes more money than when you were a stay-at-home mom before so that wouldn't be an issue.\n\nSo, all things considered and while the money wouldn't be an issue, I think the real question comes down to your mixed emotions about full time mommy and in doing so giving up what's become a sort of escape in having a job outside the home. This is where maybe a compromise might be an alternative. Day care (4) days or so a week and a part time on those days (minus 1). The minus one day could be the day you spend in your home doing the things you both need and enjoy doing to make your home comfortable and clean for you and your family.
337379
Boy, that's a sad story if I ever heard one.  This is going to take work.  When your girlfriend is stuck home doing stuff, maybe you could help out.  That would be a good way to show your girlfriend and her mother how loving and dependable you are.  Also, if you help take good care of her siblings, it will show what a good father you could be.  You need to work with your girlfriend to help her practice being independent.  I'm not sure exactly how to do it, but you need to unbrainwash her.
1075490
No. Her dad cannot do anything if she is over 18 because she is of legal age. \n\nHer dad does not own her. She is not his chattel property.\n\nThere are two things you can do to make sure your liability is minimized while she is staying there. \n\n1. Make sure she has health insurance.\n\n2. Make sure your father has homeowners insurance. \n\nThat said, her father can''t do anything about your girlfriend living there and just make sure nobody gets hurt. \n\nHope everything works out well for everyone.
10450
Get your facts and information straight and well- organized- include names and dates whenever possible.\n\nPresent the information to the nearest TV station with an investigative or consumer help program. Even if they don't give it air time, they can still offer advice.\n\nLook in the community services section of your phone book- contact...\n- free legal aid\n- handicapped services\n- elderly services\n- United Way First Call For Help\n- Habitat for Humanity\n- anyone else that looks good\n- low-income housing programs\n\nIf either is a regular in a church, social or fraternal organization, or even a bar, let them know about the problems and see if they can help somehow.\n\nHOWEVER... let's be realistic here and face a couple uncomfortable points. \n- Low income. With that income it is unlikely that anyone will loan them any money.\n- It sounds like they were living 'off the grid' to some extent (wind/solar, apparently no insurance, etc.) This always makes it harder to get help when it becomes necessary.\n- Living in their own home may not be the best option for two disabled older people. For example, I don't think they would be at the front of the list for a donated home.\n- The father's age alone will work against him in getting some forms of help. Few programs will provide lots of money for rebuilding a house that he might not be able to stay in for a very long time.\n\nAsk for the dream, but be realistic and thoughtfully consider the options and any offers for help.\n\nGood luck!
1141351
YES your daughter can depending on your state and her age  either you need to get a lawyer or a child's advocate, your daughter   "Motion  The Court" for what is an "Emancipation" against her father with what your telling me it should be granted, this is what children do, it is another way of being set free from there parents or a parent, go on the Internet and check it out, GOOD LUCK also most people don't need lawyers to do this but you may need one, I am also telling you it would be best that you allow you daughter to do this on her own of course go with her but as far as you going in to the lawyer or court room no the reason are this it is up to her and her choice that way no one will say you made her do this even thought they will anyways, Hallmark made a movie called "into the night about just this" try to get or contact me email and I will help you get the movie very helpful
523338
She needs to open a savings account and put funds in the account whenever possible. it is sad to hear that the family will not help her however, they may want her to do it herself so when it is all said and done she will have accomplished and overcame something all by herself. that she should be very proud of and shows her maturity and determination.
590224
Do what is best for you and your daughter. Remember that your daughter will know when you are unhappy and that will make her unhappy as well. Talk to your husband. Ask him why he doesn't want you to study or go to work. If he is such a cave-man that he believes that the woman is the one that stays at home, cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, then maybe he needs a wake-up call. Women are more independent now and maybe that scares him. If at all possible, try to work out your marriage. Go to counseling if it is getting too hard for you to handle on your own.
385511
Time for tough love!  If she feels she's done with school, then she's ready to work!  Time for a job, young lady. The job will have to be legal. I don't know what the restrictions are for 15 year olds there regarding types of work and hours. Certainly, she can clean homes or do other chores for people, get a paper route?, or something like that.\n\nHave no food in the house except plain bread, plain cereal, cheap but good cheese, and apples (you'll be living yourself on take-out for a bit). She can have water to drink. Don't give her any money. Don't buy her any new clothes, music, etc. Don't buy her shampoo or other toiletries.\n\nYou let her know that, because she is so young, you WILL continue to provide:\n1. a roof over her head and a bed to sleep on\n2. transportation to her work, and to the store\n3. utilities (water, electricity, etc.)\n4. use of the laundry machines and soap\n\nIf she threatens to leave, politely point out (no yelling) that she'll be adding the cost of rent and utilities to her life if she goes to live on her own.\n\nIf she wants food variety, she'll have to buy it for herself. Same for the other items you no longer pay for.\n\nIf she returns to school, and makes a real effort to keep up her grades, you will return to providing a variety of food, and the other stuff.\n\nThere should be some sulking and stomping at first, perhaps even some effort toward doing some sort of work. After a bit, she'll want to go back to school.
101919
you are so sweet!  most kids don't see things the way you seem to.  now, i don't have any of my own, but since i am someone's (now adult) child, i think i can give you a few suggestions.  first of all, while it may not be your responsibility to take care of your mother (or anyone else in your family), it is nice that you want to help out.  nothing wrong with that.  now, maybe you can start helping with laundry or other chores.  if you already do help at home, then maybe you can talk to some of your other relatives to see if  they are willing to talk with your mom and get her some help.  or at least give your mom a break by hanging out with you kids (or just you, if you're an only child) while she spends some time alone.  if you want to get her a gift, i'm sure she'll love anything from you.  maybe something for the bath, or some relaxing music?  good luck, and i hope you and your family realize what a good daughter you are:)
726229
Mom???  J/K.  My younger sister threatened my mother like that not too long ago, sister said she was going to move in with me or her dad.  Well, I heard this and told her there was no way in hell I would put up with her crap and if she thought for one second that she would just move in with me she was sadly mistaken.  If your daughter really feels that way, let her move in with sis or dad and see what that's all about.  It sounds to me like it's just a threat, if and when it comes right down to it she's not going to move in with dad or sis.  If that was a viable option, don't you think she would have done it by now?  She's bluffing, call her bluff.  If you want to move to a better area she needs to be adult enough to realize that you are making a decision that will better your life and hers, and at 14 she should be able to wrap her little self-absorbed head around that.  You are still the adult in the relationship, she is the child and that's what she's acting like....a complete child.  Maybe you can try to include her in choosing where you two will live if you want to try to reason with her that is.  Sit down with her and tell her that you know she's upset about moving to a different area but you would really like her to go with you, blah, blah, blah, do the mom thing.  Maybe if you level with her and speak to her like an adult she will realize that you're not doing this to like totally ruin her life and she will come to her senses.  Good luck.  God, I can't wait to have children!  Hasn't anyone figured out how to skip right through those lovely teenage years?  Alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol.  I'm gonna make a great mom someday, don't ya think?
167924
What you need to keep in mind is that moving into someones home especially a womans home that has children is that the children will be affected. You need to be prepared to become a part of their lives, and understand that you will have more than just their mother to consider if you leave. This is a huge step and it is one that the two of you should discuss not only with each other but with the children (if they are old enough) they should have knowledge of this beforehand and some say so in the move. You also need to talk about what role you will be playing in their lives what about discipline...babysitting...bills...ect. Its a lot to think about and something you need to seriously consider before jumping in.
1060404
get a job and move out.  you're an adult.
759385
talk to her parents and be supported towards her
458498
Since she is saying you can't go out, I'm assuming you still live with her. I'd say what you need to do is move out. Two kids, a FT job and school is a pretty big amount of responsibility, yes, but if you're relying on her heavily as unpaid daycare and free rent, she will be able to continue to lord it over you and with a certain amount of justification.\n\nYou're sorta in a position where you've gotta pick your battles. You can attempt to sit down with her and have a mature conversation about how far you've come and what your future plans are, and that you do have a lot of responsibility, and you need time out with your friends to wind down now and then. I personally would either skip the tattoo for now - make it something that will be a 21st birthday present to yourself.\n\non the other hand, if i'm right that she is providing room, meals, and/or daycare to you free, you really AREN'T being a full-fledged adult. My advice to you is to move out and BE a grown up for real. I can tell you from personal experience that ANYONE can figure out a way to make this happen. find low-income housing, check in with WIC for help on some expenses, get the kids' dad to provide some support, etc. there are tons of resources out there if you look. To be a real adult you MAY have to go on welfare for a while, you may have to live in a much different type of situation than you are used to, but you'll be truly independent and self-sufficient. plus if you are no longer a dependent on your mother, she can't claim you on her taxes, which means you'll be totally seperate from you and you can start applying for need-based financial aid for school.\n\nNow, all this said, maybe you already are living on your own, she isn't babysitting or doing other stuff for you free, and she's just all up in your business. if that is the case, i'd just lay it on the line in no uncertain terms. i did that with my mother and we didn't talk for several months. she was furious that i would stand up to her. but i was totally on my own - she had no reason to rule my life. eventually she realized this and we're great now. and in your case, she'd probably come around sooner cause she'd miss the grandkids too. anyhow.\n\neither way, good luck. parents can be more exhausting than kids sometimes...
202732
Did your daughter make the accusation before or after your husband stating he did not want her living in the house anymore?\nIf she said it after he made known his wishes that she move out, it could be a malicious lie on her part to stir up bad feelings and mistrust between you & him.\nThere's a well-known case about a California bus driver who was accused of molestation by two girls on his bus. It turned out they started the lie to get him in trouble because he told them both to be quiet on the bus in front of everyone.\nIf the accusation came before him wanting her to move out, talk seriously with your daughter alone, and take notes on the details. Then, talk to your husband separately and compare stories.  Then talk with your daughter again to look for inconsistencies.
984524
I think it depends on many factors.  If she already messed up with your family and you are living under their roof, morally you need to tell her that because of her behavior you don't have the say anymore to let her stay.  On the other hand, what are her reasons for needing to stay a day?  If her reasons are important, like she has no other place to go and is not a chronic wanderer (not really staying anywhere although she has the resources to) then maybe you should have negotiated how to behave while in your home.  The $85.00  should probably not come into play for this favor she is asking of you.  \nI guess it all comes down to how close the two of you are. Also, your age.  Generally speaking, females are more catty between 15-24.  At this age group, there is a constant tug of war with emotions (hormones) and all of them are constant companions when they feel slighted.  Perhaps she feels like you are choosing your family's side over hers and she is jealous.  who knows?\nThis probably does not explain much, but I hope it helped.\nGood Luck.