my sister's decided to emigrate to New Zealand and my mum's really upset?
831473
all you can do is reassure your mum that this is what your sis wants, she is looking for a new life elsewhere, tell her that the perks are....a free holiday, when my son joined the forces i cried my leg off for weeks, i missed him so much, and still do but he;s making a man out of himself serving for his country and he loves every minute of it, since he was 9 he always wanted to join up, and he studied hard to get where he is todayeven though he is only 19, just be there for your mum, i know how hard it is to let one of my kids go, but your sis knows what she wants and you and your mum should be happy for her, once your sis has gone your mum will be fine, theres lots of ways to contact her now, technology gives us the ability to do so....give her a hug from me too, i know how hard it is to let the kids fly the nest, bless her and you, and your sister,
659139
I know how you feel my mum and i went through the same thing except she didn't have a child by him.She got married i did try to warn her but to no avail there is nothing else you can do except be there for her.my mum divorced after a year and moved away.I'm happy for you with your grades at least there not going down the pan.I am shocked she is still with him after saying he would be happy if you was dead.Hope you can make her see sense good luck xx
610259
Hi there,\n\nI am registered to give advice for Australia and the UK and also experienced in NZ migration (NZ doesn't currently have a registration system). You can contact me on Jessica.Stooke@Vialogic.net
1001585
Wow. State Custody may be the best option.\n\nAre there any other family members that will be on the same continent as the mother? I'd suggest they may be good candidates.\n\nWill your sister move to your country?\nYou could all live in the same house and she could earn sweat equity toward rent with you by caring for your home while you work.\n\nShe may just need to let the kids stay with the state until she gets back on her feet -- or should I say on the in the first place!\n\nFoster Parents may be the best option for the kids given all the financial problems, young parents, lack of other immediate family within reasonable proximity!
1030968
Having been told yes and then for that to be taken away from her is awful, she must be feeling very low about this and herself. And as a mother you must be worried out of your mind you see your daughter so unhappy. There may be another way or two. One to appeal against the hospital, write to the directors and explain they said yes and then no, also what this meant has  done to your daughter since. Also you are allowed to request with your doctor to be placed under another hospital infact since being part of the EU your allowed to even go aboard to have this done but i would stick to England better chance of a yes. But yes indeed go back to her doctor and make the request i doubt he will say no for another hospital. Good luck and i wish your daughter well.
824850
oooh what a nasty old sow....she's jealous of you coz your young and beautiful ans she's an old clapped out boiler...i know what i woud say to her if i was in your situation..but i could'nt type it in here...ignore the old boot....she has no right slagging your mother off, she does not even know her...she sounds bitter an twisted to me...kick her in the fanny and tell her to shut her gob...
574592
Oh no I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  I think the UK has to be seen to be toughening up on its immigration laws because the system has been so abused over the last few years and really is in a complete mess now.  Sadly it seems to mean genuine cases where the person is not breaking rules and is being cooperative are the ones being targeted because it's easier for officials to be tough on them.  There are so many illegals that come here and then after being refused permission to stay, disappear, that I suppose when they get the chance they make sure sincere cases can't do the same.\ni hope you get the resolution you want and that you and your fiance can live together happily
850387
It sounds to me that you are being selfish and you seem to have every right to be. It ain't easy out there on your own. You'll need a job to pay rent and buy food, try to share with someone and go halfs on everthing. Loneliness is a problem when you leave home, don't get into a bad relationship and get pregnant. That will double your problems. You have to do this, if you don't you will regret it all your life but ... Try not to piss your family off. You may find that it is worse out on yor own and want to go back. Take as little as possible so that they think that you will be back and expect you back. Leave a separate note to your Mum and sister, DON'T CRITICISE THEM, just say that you feel that you think that you are ready to go it alone and you have to try it. They are going to go nuts when you phone them, they will tell you that you are too young, to inexperienced, too stupid etc. Just say "Ok You may be right but I need to find out for myself"\n\nGood luck! You're going to need it.
615279
Uh, oh, Sticky situation. Try to understand that she probably has differing views on things because of where she is from. Try finding out about the place she is from and then work that way. Try to show her that if the situation were reversed, that you would have to try to involve yourself in a foreign culture. It is probably frustrating and difficult for her and she probably says these things because of this. There is no way that she will go home because things are probably better for her here. Try to understand where she is coming from before you get frustrated too much. She is trying to stay in her comfort zone and this is normal for anyone who is away from their "normal" way of life. Even 12 years doesn't make too much difference when someone doesn't understand everything that is going on. Work slowly with her and eventually she will understand you are not her enemy, you are her friend and you will become indispensable to her.
954355
I understand what you're going through. And I hope that you will find something, someday that will make it all dissappear.\n\nAs harsh as I may sound, I don't think your sisters reaction is normal. She is being overly zealous. May be she should have herself checked out also. \n\nAlso, do you fight a lot. Is this just mere sibiling rivalry. Have you tried winning her affection?. If this is not the case, i suggest talking to your parents about your sister, and she might want to visit a behaviour consultant.
943293
Hi there,\nRemember the old saying "you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends"\n\nBoth of you have chosen well. "I know that sounds lame" but it's true. Like all good relationships you are going to have your ups and downs.\n\nWhen I read both your emails you could tell this friendship is here to stay.\n\nThe last email sent to you was to lighten things up,  so tomorrow you can put it all behind you. When you see her give her a hug. Please do it, even if its not the sort of thing you do. \nYou will be amazed at how good that will make you both feel, then you can put it all behind you and continue to be friends. \n\nI know I am a stranger here in Australia but trust me on this one.\n\nkinds regards from Down Under
69484
I'm sure your mother means well, but she doesn't understand the hurt and pain that you are going through. It's easy for her to say "Put it away" because she's not the one who was betrayed.\n\nWhether or not to attend the wedding should be entirely your choice. Don't let anyone else guilt you into going. If you are still working through the hurt, you have to do what's right for you. Everyone has the right to set and maintain their own boundaries and to work through their pain on their own schedule.\n\nDo what you know is right in your heart, and don't let anyone else make you feel bad about it. You don't owe an explanation or justification, either. Stick to something simple: "I just don't feel ready to do that" should suffice.\n\nHopefully someday you'll be able to work through this and have a relationship with your sister. But that's something that cannot be rushed, and no one else has the right to push you.\n\nDr. Barb Nefer, http://www.bnlifeskills.com
1027195
WOW!!!  Well, the sad thing about the son is that at 24, he's already been affected by her craziness.  Children begin getting affected by these neuroic behaviors at around age 2!!!  The fact that he still lives at home suggests she's been very controlling and he just doesn't have the confidence to move out and be on his own.  First and foremost, get him to move out ASAP.  He needs to see what life is like with normal, healthy people.\n\nCan you have her commited?  You should but you can't.  Unless she's harming people physically.\n\nThis is very frustrating though , I sympathize with you.   I would not answer  your phone anytime the caller ID doesn't come out,  If they want to talk to you, they'll leave a message.  Just do this for a while and she will get tired of getting your VM, she'll get sick of calling.  She is obviously beyond desparate for attention.  \n\nWow, I'm curioius as to what your parents are like and how you ended up with such a loony toone for a sister!!!!! You seem very grounded~
1156768
i know how you feel. i have some problems with my family also... i was fourteen when my parents sent me out from china to belize. my mom had my little brother when i was ten, and i couldn't accept the fact right away, and she usually scold me for everything. \nat the point of time, since they are coming and visit you, you should just act normal, and once you have a chance you call up your sister to a place where you guys can speak alone, and you need to tell her how much you are sorry about the past, and your feeling towards your whole family, and that no one can change what had happened, not even god. you need to tell her that you love her and that you are sisters, no matter what you will always be her sister and that no one can change it. people live people dies, and that you are sorry that your dad died, but nobody would want that to happened. you were just simply in love with someone that the family didn't wanted to accept and tell her that life is short, if she will continuing mad at you, then you couldn't do nothing more better to let her forgive you. Just remember don't yell at her or cry...\n\nwell, good luck, is just a suggestion that i am giving...\n\ngood luck again.
801902
me and my guy was online and i read him you question..this is da answer he gave me ....\n\n"We almost are in the same situation as you..I'm gonna go to another country for 4 years for my higher studies and she will only see me few times a year.. the thing is this is not as difficult as it seems.. dear sis you are not the first one to go through this.. there are loads of people who came through this or if not you have us... even we were pretty much worried in the first place as what to do... but let me give an advice to you... don't let go... just hold on...we are going to have a harder time than you even... cos it's a way longer period and we are both in seperate other countries which is not our mothercountry... so sister the distance doesn't matter...the only thing you have to do is to have a long distance dedication..... the key thing is to keep in touch as much as ppossible... not seeing your guy is tough... i know... but with time you may be able to adapt to that... just keep him in your heart..i'm just saying.. "so close no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart, forever trusting who we are , and nothing else matters.." goodluck sister... this will be posted by my girl who's in a country so far away while i'm writing this...\n\nhy im his gal hear ..darling  im teling u pls go ahead i dont regreat..taking the chance caz my guy is da best no matter how far he is his jus near my heart..and his all mine ..dont b scard i ws scrad my self....belive me ...i didnt know wht to do but jus go aead ..its better dan nt knwing wht u 2 wil end up with.
1040641
This sounds horrible, I would be livid.  Say something, let your sister know that if she is going to come by she needs to clean up.  Have you discussed this issue w/ your parents b/c all of you may need to confront her about this.  There is nothing worse than a trifling visitor.  But do not keep your feelings about the situation bottled up.  Or beat her at own game, go to her house and mooch off of her.
1122157
No, it's not wrong to be selfish, as long as you are aware of and sensitive to the needs of others.  You don't need to serve all the needs others have, but you need to be able to say, "I see that this is an issue for you" and work out compromises when they are called for.\n\nIn this case, I think it may be your sister who is acting selfishly.  SHE married a soldier.  SHE had two kids.  SHE moved away from her mom and support network.  These things were not your doing, they were her choices.  Now she needs to live with them, for better or worse.  \n\nYou have gone beyond the call of duty, in my opinion, by giving her your services for as long as you have.  (I assume she's not paying you to babysit?)  If you think that you'll continue to be responsible for the majority of the child's care while you are at home with your mother,  you probably need to tell her, "I've given you all I can give you WITHOUT feeling taken advantage of, but if I offer you more than this I WILL feel resentful about it.  I don't want to resent you, so I think it's best that I leave YOUR child in YOUR care now."  Something like that anyway.\n\nFrom here it sounds like she's feeling burdened (understandably so) and wants you (and your mum) to shoulder some of her load.  That's fine if you both WANT TO.  If you don't, she really needs to understand that your life is your own, no matter how heavy her load gets.  \nAnd so do you.  \n\nYour life is yours.  Enjoy it!!