how would you feel if  your bf(soon to be husband) of 3yrs asked you to pay off his debt?
821721
Absolutely not! Believe me, if you start paying off his debts for him, this will not be the last time it's asked of you. My friend fell into this with her ex-husband, and by the time she finally got wise, she had had to file bankruptcy and her credit was destroyed. Now he has moved on to another woman and is following the same pattern. I urge you not to do this. The point is that he may say he would do it for you, but you are not asking him to. I would be the one reconsidering this relationship. The truth is that if HE loved YOU, he would know better than to even ask. Good luck to you. You deserve not to do this.\n\nOne more thing: If you do go through with marriage to this man, please keep your finances separate from his. He WILL hurt your credit and your chances of ever getting free if you need to.
174157
This may not have occurred to you but you should consider it:\na lot of men feel pressure after they have children, buy homes ect. to maintain the same lifestyle as before and in his eyes he may be diong the extra time at work for YOU and your child, he most likely feels that it is His responsability to take care of you and to provide for you so you should remember that if this is his mind set he may feel that it is a sacrifice he is making for his family.\nyou absouloutly need to keep that in mind and sit down together and talk to him about it, tell him that you know he might feel pressure to take care of you and your child or children,  and that it isn't that you don't appricate his efforts , it is just that you miss your time together and as important as the finances may be, that you would prefer adjusting your lifestyle to less money than to adjust to having him away so often.\nthis will put thing in a way he will find eaiser to understand and he will not feel nagged or threatened.
853820
i imagine he has a right too.. i because how much debt you have affects him too believe it or not... he probably doesn't want to wreck his credit rating with your spending habbits..\n\nperhaps you need to talk to him.. and figure out how much you can both spend as free whatever i want to buy cash.. and just use cash to buy stuff..\n\ni dont think you have a right to mad.. as being married its a partnership.. everyone is equal.. and he probably feels your spending to much
332380
That can be tough.  I believe when you are married property should be joint but that seems to be a problem in your situation.  I think you need to sit down and ask him how he feels about it.  Whether you're paying rent or paying on bills depends on your accounts. You just don't want to pay a lot for a home you have no ownership over if something does happen someday. See if you can come to an agreement after a few years or have something declared in a prenup that helps cover you. We all plan for forever but unfortunately it doesn't always happen.  Good luck in your marriage!! Have a great wedding!
737929
Well,Well After 8 yrs.Two nights ago my boyfriend came home from work after stoping at a pawn shop.He bought me a 1/4 caret ring from that pawn shop.Its not 3 carets but, in my eyes its beautiful.I never thought I would see a ring.So the tears started rolling.He gave me that ring because he loves me.I wouldn't want a big expensive ring from the mall.My ex husband once bought me a $3,000 dollar ring .It didn't mean as much as this one does now.So if you have a woman who wants you to make payments forever.Shes not thinking with her hart.Or its an awful little hart.
344965
How would you feel if he looked at all your personal stuff?
728736
I'd cry my ass off till he got home\nWhen he got home I'd meet him with his packed bags...with great big smile on my freshly painted lips.\nI'd just laugh and say "DAMN she must be good!! Hope her "stuff' was worth the 500,000 check you'll be writing me after the divorce... prenup anyone? hmm..that was some expensive p*ssy!!" :) Smile, and hand him his bags. \n"ta ta babe"\n\nThen i'd go back inside and cry some more.
225115
its a male ego thing. i would be happy that he still wants to pay for me when we go out. there might come a time when things will change but for now enjoy it and dont question him about it. he is probably still upset about leaving his job.
984815
You agreed to pay the $100, so pay it.  But some of your boyfriend's attitude about the whole situation might be a warning sign.
512681
Well, in one way I don't blame you but in another way, I disagree.\n\nI was married to my 1st. hubby, we were planning to get divorced, we paid off all the debt prior, well except the mortgage which I would get since I was keeping the house. So we both walked away without major debt and a good credit rating.\n\nWell due to a few issues I had no control over, my credit became badly bruised. My issues were the fact that my 1st. husband died of cancer, there were children involved, which meant loss of child support. My 2nd. husband could not keep a job due to his mental & substance abuse issues, I was unaware of his issues until after marriage & baby. He was good at hiding stuff. My 2nd. husband had horrible credit, another thing I was unaware of until after marriage. He owed thousands and thousands in back child support & back taxes and he took bill money from the bank account whenever we faught, he was really immature. We (I) was forced to file bankruptcy chap. 13 to rearrange my debt then at a later date had no choice but to convert to a chap. 7 and simply eliminate the debt. I was supporting a family of 5 on my own with a hugh bankruptcy payment each & every single month.\n\nMy 2nd. husband is now also deceased, he comitted suicide and left me to figure it out on my own. \n\nSo now, I have a bankruptcy on my credit but I have great monthly income, I make more than many well educated people do & my income is solid.\n\nSo that is where I can agree with you. Had I been more careful about my choice in 2nd. husband, I am sure things would have been much different financially.\n\nBut now I am involved with a wonderful man that has awesome credit and a strong steady work history, almost 29 years with the same employer. I was up front about my financial situation when we started to really get serious and make bigger plans in life. Thankfully my man does not hold my past issues against me and he is in deed willing to build a life with me which will soon include marriage and the purchase of our first home together. But, I will tell ya, I did insist on seeing my new mans' credit report once we were getting serious. I will never allow myself to put in another financial situation like I was in before!! He was actually perfectly fine with it too.
167572
I'm married, and we kinda both do.  We openly discuss our finances every day, he gets a "limit" for how much he can spend on lunch during the week so we dont' run under and also because we have two kids and never know when we'll be seeing the pediatrician.  Even a couple of $20 copays and prescriptions can make a difference in a family's budget.  I usually pay the bills, but we discuss how much goes to the credit cards each month, etc.  Sometimes I'm in charge of the cable bill and sometimes he is if he's got less to do than I do.  Do whatever you have to do to keep out of debt though.  It's hard giving up total control, but just communicate and he'll gladly inform you of your financial status. :)
791130
I don't think I would complain about it.  Show your appreciation by saying thank you.  If you REALLY don't like them doing things for you, then stop it before they start it.  That is the bottom line.  Some women have it like that.  I think I would personally feel bad... but if they are good men send them my way, I have plenty for them to do for me.  But... I don't need their money.  They can fix my car, do some handy work around the house, take me to see Charlie Murphy LOL
894953
Not sure.  I'd feel pretty heartbroken, and probably would be very near to ending the marriage.  It depends on whether or not my husband was sorry.  Haven't had this happen to me, so I don't know.
385010
Stick with what you believe and let everyone who is not paying or participating in your life have their own opinion but remain who you are.  Your convictions of what you believe are more important than popular opinion.  If there is no problem between you and your bf why would you let everyone else create one.  The two of you should decide who is responsible for what.  If you two are friends I understand why he wants to take care of you.  It is a man thing that is hard to explain, but when you need help, like for your car, ask your bf if he would loan you the money to fix it. Then pay him back.  Your boss would probably want interest and the end result is a loan and how much you want to pay.  Shop and be smart but at the same time do not seem ungrateful for your bf is showing what some of us guys call love.  It comes in all shapes and sizes and is very valuable.  Throwing something away that is valuable you run the risk of losing it and it not returning.  If you love him show him by not being so independent, maybe try spending some of your money on him for the things he wants as that is what he is giving up for you.  See what it brings.  You might be pleasantly suprised.
9077
break it off.  If you don't "feel" right around him, then it would really be better to stop the relationship soon, especially if he is giving you money, as that may create some animosity later.
1062019
You should have no problem paying off the debt if you start managing your money better.  You really ought to be able to pay it off in a few years with that kind of income!  My wife has more in student loans and makes less money and we will pay it off, though not in a few years.
267744
it's very hard to leave when your lives are kinda of one. you feel bad for leaving. since most of the stuff you share are in your name and you don't want to leave him with nothing. i understand how your feeling right now. i really do. in some ways I'm in the same boat.as i sit here 1in the morning have way to much on my mind to sleep.looking for people to help or dealing with a similar situation.if you feel you can sit down and really talk things over with him no fighting aloud.get all the bill that are in your name.close them or ask that he be taken off.set up a account so its not hard on you when you do get your own place and if i were you i would tell him to do the same. the best thing is try not to fight it will only bring more problems along the way.since both cars are in your name and one is paid off. see if he wants the other car he would take over the payments and get it put in his name just in case later down the road something happens your not responsible.i know its hard but you will work everything out and move on happy that you did. you ever need to talk e-mail me brooke_sittner@yahoo.com