How to cope with Husband - Lawyer - Arguer?
817949
Um, did you not notice this quality before you married him?\n\nYou can try counseling as others have suggested, but won't you feel badly if the counseling "undoes" his training and he becomes a lousy lawyer?\n\nDoes he show that he loves you in other ways?
209215
Cherish each other, treat him like a king, let him have the authority in the marriage.  You will be surprised by all the wonderful benefits to this method.  He will treasure you for putting him on the pedestal, and you won't believe how fun life can be when you don't have arguments anymore, because he is making the decisions.  If you want more info go to nogreaterjoy.org.  Check out the Helpmeet book.\n\nI will add if you love him and don't want to count another marriage down the drain, fight for him and your kids.  Quit calling them, his and your, they are all yours now!  Do special things for him that let him know you are very committed to the marriage.  Put him first, act like you are trying to win him for the first time.  I know this doesn't seem fair, but men respond to it.  If he is unsure of where your loyalty is, or that you think your marriage can not make it then he will look for an easier relationship, or what he thinks is easier.  Ignore the kids blatant attempts to destroy what they think is keeping their parents from reuniting, and win them over too.  Don't expect them to respect and love you just because.  Don't spoil them, but do things that cater to them, make a special meal that they like, or allow them to pick the movie you will watch with them, do love them even though they seem unlovable, do things they don't expect you to, like leave a silly note on their pillows, saying you are proud to be their stepmom, or whatever they call you, do things with them like cleaning their room or making a cake. Be as affectionate as appropriate and don't repond to their pranks.  This is a war for the life you want and chose, do you want to start all over,, saying this is my 4th marriage how do I make it work?  I know it seems like you are swallowing your pride, but would you rather sign divorce papers?  It works, I will pray for you and the family. Blessings.
1100000
I think your husband's actions have very little to do with him being a Marine and are more a result of his personality.  He is being very immature for his age and obviously has a lot of trouble communicating effectively.  I would recommend marriage counseling or, if that isn't possible, go see a chaplain.  He needs to learn to communicate and run away from conflict.  If I were you I would approach him when you are both getting along well and talk to him about the situation.  Explain to him that part of a healthy marriage is being able to talk out your differences and that when he leaves the conversation nothing is able to be worked out which only leads to more problems.  Try to keep him from getting defensive (which will mean he will stop listening) and get him to suggest ways that you can talk out your differences.  If he still uses this tactic of running away to the office and locking the door, wait until he comes out on his own and then resume your conversation in a calm rational manner.  Eventually he will learn that he can't run away from his problems.  Hopefully he learns that before it ruins your marriage.
982650
Have you and the ex-wife had altercations before?  If that has happened I can see how he would be leery of having you join him in court for fear of another ill-feeling event.\n\nBUT - despite that...it doesn't mean he's 100% right.  The ex-wife should not have control over whether you go or stay and by telling you not to go - he's giving the ex wife control.\n\nYou are his wife and he should trust you enough to know that if you and the ex did enter into an argument in the past...you understand the intensity of this court battle and you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it.  \n\nTalk to him about it again and assure him you won't do or say anything out of line and express you just want to be able to support him.  If he still says "NO" then leave it alone.  He's already under a ton of stress I'm sure and the last thing he needs is another argument.
991240
It takes two to argue, and I've found the best way to deal with a chronic arguer is to ignore their comments.  Assuming that Ralph doesn't like to argue with Bob and just gets caught up in it, I would talk with Ralph and see if he would agree to just ignore the "bait" that Bob might be throwing down to get him into an argument (probably won't be easy to do that).  Or maybe the group should just get together and tell Bob and Ralph exactly what you all think of their constant bickering.  Hopefully they'll stop.
1115855
fight like fist fight? NO! Is it normal to disagree with one another, YES. Afterall you are two different people with different ways of thinking and then all of a sudden you are married to that person and living your daily life together. You better bet there will be arguments. If you never disagree you or your partner is a people pleaser type personality or you just figure its better not to ruffle any feathers and try to bury all your feelings, which in the end will blow up in your faces. If you are having a disagreement over a certain thing all the time, maybe it's better to seek counseling over the issue before there is too much resentment and the problem gets bigger. It's normal to laugh with your spouse as much as it is normal to have disagreements, it's life. How you handle them will definately determine whether or not you are married for long though. Best wishes!
807034
Sounds like you both are trying to work through this. Unfortunately sometimes arguments do occur, the only thing is when the dusts settles what then? I believe that by him not telling you right away that this or that was not exactly what he expected seems he is trying to be tolerant. Where he is trying maybe not to impose on you all the time what he think or how he thinks things should be. But if he bottles it up and then waits to explode letting you have it all at once, you are right he really should tell you then and there. Not bottle it up and make him resent or get so angry.  He has to realize you fess up to things you tell him "Oh I had no idea I was coming across that way" so he has to know you are not intentionally doing things to  irritate him. Keep talking, keep telling him to tell you.  Tell him "Hey let post this or that and have people who don't know you and don't know me, tell us what they think is going on. People who have nothing to gain"  People who do this just because we've all been there and think Hey maybe someone else can benefit from past mistakes.   Good Luck to you and him I really hope it works out for you two.
1187279
I'm sorry to hear about your marital difficulties.\n\nI'm a divorce mediator and an attorney.  I will tell you what I would tell prospective clients:  \n\nPlease do not think of mediation as a substitute for legal advice.  It is not.  You have questions right now about the legal consequences of moving out of your house and leaving your children with your husband.  A mediator cannot answer that.  \n\nOnly an attorney admitted to practice in your state can provide you with the independent legal advice you need in order to make fully informed decisions about the issues your question raises.    \n\nYes, mediation can be a helpful way for people going through separation or divorce to sit down together and have a productive conversation about the decisions they will need to make.  These can include things like creating a workable parenting plan for the children and to make decisions about issues like the division of property or planning and paying for college.  \n\nMediation works best when both spouses are clear about what they want, whether it's divorce or separation.  Contentious, highly complex cases are probably not suitable for mediation.  \n\nWithout knowing more about your situation, it's impossible to say whether mediation is appropriate or not.  Only you can answer that.  Discuss your case with an attorney to help you decide that.  Also contact family mediators and talk with them.  Most mediators take care to rigorously screen cases before accepting them. \n\nEven if you eventually do use mediation to help you and your husband work out an agreement together, you should each still consult with your own separate attorney before signing any agreement reached through mediation.  Mediators themselves, even if they are attorneys, cannot provide you with legal advice.  \n\nAgain, mediation is no substitute for legal advice.  And this web site is not the place to get the professional advice you need.  Most respondents are lay people who are not in the best position to answer an important question like this.  You wouldn't ask for help diagnosing a medical condition through a forum like this.  Please look for your answers from trained professionals who are qualified to help you.  \n\nBest of luck to you and your two sons.  I hope you're finding ways to get the support that you and they need during this difficult transition.
685305
Listen very closely to what I'm telling you.  It's good advice.\n\nFirst, if your soon to be ex-husband is having dangerous affairs, if his lifestyle puts your children at risk, you could go to the CPS (Child Protective Services).\n\nDo you belong to a church?  Make an appointment during the week to tell a priest what is happening. He may know someone in the system who can help you.  Don't overlook this resource.\n\nWhen it comes to the justice system, forget about what is the truth, and what is right or wrong.  Lawyers are often working in their own self interest.  Everyone involved in the case is apt to make decisions based on what is easiest for them.  No one is going to risk their careers for you.\n\nIf you have accusations to make, you must be certain they can be substantiated:  names, dates, places, etc.  Do you have witnesses?  Will they testify under oath?  Will they sign a document certifying what they say is true?   There are RULES OF EVIDENCE, and judges will sometimes even forbid a person from making statements he considers irrelevant.\n\nRemember... people are going to do WHAT IS EASIEST for them.  If they're acting against you, stop making it so easy for them to ignore the truth.  Everyone has a boss.  You can always take this one step higher.\n\nI noticed you misspelled a few words.  Are you from this country?  Do you live here legally?  Do you have an education and can you support these children?  All these are very important factors that a judge will consider.\n\nThink very carefully before you act.  If your husband is actually a decent man, and could care better for the children, make the unselfish decision not to oppose him.\n\nBest of luck.
574496
I'm sorry but that was really funny. I mean when you read the question and then click on it. I was expecting a big explanation and then it popped up, "I hate my husband" I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at your situation at all, just the bluntness you used to get to the point. Classic.\n\nAnyway, if you really hate him why don't you get the divorce papers ready and when he is preoccupied ask him to sign it real quick. Then when he leaves the house pack up, leave a copy on the table and go. Good luck!
556552
if you can't work with hubby to set some limits to give your marriage breathing room, then maybe it's time to get some counseling so you can understand why you're scared to death and learn some tools to help you cope with upcoming changes.\n\nBy remaining scared, you don't have to make any changes and can continue to complain. you're letting yourself get in the way by telling yourself you're scared. scared of what? ending up on the street? won't you get a job? if you get fired won't you look for another one? dig deep and find out why you're setting up your own obstacles. good luck.
829792
avoid any confrontation, play the headache/not feeling well act until yo are ready to bounce then leave him a note letting him know why you chose to go.. maybe with a word of advice in the hopes that he'll be better to his next victim...\nthis is assuming of course that he is unbearable...\nMaybe you're the tough one to get along with?
321334
So, he doesn't agree...big surprise, right?  No way to get your message across, then you'll have to send the message by actions, not words.  While you've been talking and he's not listening, that's all it is...lip service.  What have you done to show him that this marriage was a mistake?  Nothing.  If you are going to end it, then end it.  Move out and leave a note.  Explain that you made a mistake by rushing into this marriage and upon this realization, you need to go.  File the papers and in 3 months or so, you'll be free to live as an independant woman again.  Until then, just lay low and don't listen to his crying and persuations.  Just cut the cord and make it short and sweet.  It'll be easier and less painless in over the long run.
698362
Seeing that your husband is at fault an open conversation is the only way you could hope to change this situation, that's if you and your marriage are important enough for him to be willing to participate! It could be worth a try, especially if perhaps he's not aware of your unhappiness. \n\nIf he is not willing to listen to reason, then a tempory separation might do the trick for both of you. It will not only give you a break, but also a chance to decide if you really want to go on with your marriage. And maybe it will give him time to get his act together! \n\nI hope it helps a bit. Be strong and don't let him run you over!
202269
As corny and very used as it may sound, communication is basic, my husband and I have been married only for 3 years but the first year was like that, fighting over everything, but, we got tired of it, sat down and talked about what triggers our outbursts and started out with little things and moved up to  bigger ones,  I don't know for how long you have been with him or how serious it is, but you need to compromise and be commited to the relationship, besides  if you do one unexpected act of kindness towards each other, the other will be willing to reciprocate and it will make him feel you care and it will make things smoother. That worked for us and now things are a lot better.
244754
First, make sure you're not ignoring something that genuinely needs your attention. People need validation, and if this is true with casual aquaintances it's doubly true of spouses. But if you've eliminated constructive dialog from the equation, then you have to find your "center" and zone out until the wave has passed. No one can argue by themselves; it takes (2) to sustain the conflict. Realize though, that what I just said is a practical tactic to handle things while you're in that moment and feeling pressure to respond or explode. During cooler moments, you need to find a strategy to deal with the main source of the communication difficulty. It could be as simple as turning off the television and looking her straight in the eyes while she's talking, or it could be a matter for a counselor to walk you both through. People usually raise their voices when they don't feel acknowledged or heard in any other way. Once you're sure that's not the case, get some competent help in developing your communication skills together. Good luck.
1129786
You have a lawyer who is familiar with the facts, the history of the case, and what your local judge(s) are likely to do.  Ask his/her what your options are and what his/her advice is.  \n\nIf you don't understand the advice, say so.  If you disagree with it, consult another attorney for a second opinion.  If both attorneys more or less agree, accept it and move on with your life.