How do you deal with the terminal illness of a parent? And, eventually, how you deal with their death?
603625
This past April was the 19 year anniversary of my Mom's death. She had suffered with cervical cancer for the last 17 months of her life and as I watched her suffer through the chemo treatments and the morphine dosages, I found myself praying that God would take her home with Him where I knew there she would no longer be in pain. Although I was there for her as much as I possibly could be and did whatever she needed me to do for her, the suffering was more painful to watch than losing her could ever be. I spent the Friday before her death with her the whole day.  We talked about our childhoods, our adult lives, her sickness, and how I would keep her memory alive for my (future) child(ren) and we laughed and cried together. This period of my life with her were the best and the worst days that I can remember but they are memories I would not have wanted to miss.\n\nI finally had my daughter nearly 4 years later and even though she never met my Mom... she knows her through my memories and knows that Grandma Rose is waiting in Heaven to meet her. \n\nLosing Mom is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and basically I did it alone. The only advice I can give is to pour yourself into something constructive and keep busy and most of all...take it one day at a time. It gets easier and the tears turn from tears of sorrow to tears of joy in the lasting memories you will have even of these final days.\n\nMay God bless you and your family throughout this time and my prayers will be with you.
1177393
Lexy,\nI am deeply sorry for your loss, however, remember you son is now in a better place and is watching over his mother.  Read Sylvia Brown's "Life on the Other Side".  I have had too many close experiences with death and this has really helped me understand what is to happen next.  Our bodies will terminate, however we will not.\n\nNate
955043
Really sorry to hear about your Dad....It depends on the severity of the cancer and the treatments he recieves. \n\nAll the best !!
835930
Vacation with parents.  No question.  My father is dead.  My mother has alzhiemers.  After my father had died I would take my mother with us on vacation for a number of years.  She loved it.  I miss them both very much.  I feel sorry for people who don't get along well with their parents.  When they are gone, they are gone forever.
573594
I am very sorry for your loss.  You must be devastated.\n\nIt will be hard to get over and move on right away.  Just take one day at a time.  Grief is very hard because sometimes it can feel as though you are being consumed by it.\n\nMake sure you keep the lines of communication open with any siblings you have.  Also if your dad is in the picture.  he may be hurting too and it may be hard for him to express his loss.\n\nDon't try to replace your mother for your siblings because it isn't your responsibility.  Also realize that you and your mother still have a special relationship even though she has died she is still with you.\n\nWhen my dad died I felt him with me.  Sometimes I know he is there watching over me.  Your mother's love for you will always be there.  Try to remember the good times that you had together and realize that those will never be taken away from you.\n\nDeath is a transitional state and you will be going through a transition to adjust to being without your mother.  Just let the emotions come, if you are sad cry, if you are happy laugh.  In time things will level out and you will be able to face the world.\n\nA counselor once told me that grief is like the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes they come in fast and furious, sometimes the grief is slow and gentle.  It is always there but after awhile the waves are slower and farther between.\n\nMay peace and love be with you and surround you.  I hope that you have the friends and support that you need at this time.  If you need someone to bounce things off of then please feel free to email me.
1013722
Probably you, but for different reasons.\nKnow this, that you can overcome this pain. It does not seem it now, but there is nothing that you can't handle. Get out in the sun, keep your life going, as any parent would want this. talk to your dad, tell him how happy you were today, but you can still tell him that your sad about his condition. If I were in your shoes, I might tell my dad that I am going to accept what has happened, as there is nothing I can do about it, and I am going to make the best of the situation by being happy,for his sake and your's,  and talking with him. Life through us a curve-ball, but I am throwing it back and showing my strength. My dad would be proud of me for that, and your's will, too. Keep talking to him, and show him that you can make the best of this that you possibly can.
877172
it's doubtful unless your son has a terminal illness and is not expected to live much longer.
590598
wait on her hand and foot, let her know you love her every day you dont know   what youve got untill shes not there no more i took care of my mother from the 1st time she got sick untill october 8th the night she died and im still not over her i feel so lost and alone tell her everyday you love her
18709
The best thing you can do is stay with her through out her life as long as she lives.. She needs to be comforted.. Spend as much time with her as you can in a way that she can forget that she is ill and is going to die
167791
Oh, please, my greatest sympathy to you.  My oldest is 33 years old and I would also be devastated if something happed to her.\n\nHospice is a great organization; it helped my father during his last days.  But there should be community mental health practitioners - go to your county health department and ask them for a list of names; they usually work on a sliding scale depending on your income.\n\nPlease talk to someone.  Your question pulls at my heart strings because you seem to be such a good-hearted person.  We can't know why things happen the way they do.  And I don't think we can ever accept the death of a child.\n\nTry not to spend too much time alone right now.  If there are any small children around, sitting and holding them - getting hugs and comfort from everyone around you is necessary.\n\nPlease do call your county health department or senior center or hospice to see what counseling they have for you.  And be very, very good to yourself during this time of sorrow.  Your daughter is watching you from heaven and she wants you to be happy and go on with your life.
350151
Contact the AMerican Cancer Society. They can offer help to you and your mom. They can send you information, find doctors, explain chemo or medication questions, and they can help find someone you can talk to about your feelings.\n\nI will keep you and your mom  in my prayers!!
1081709
Who are you to end your life without loved ones by your side? Do you feel you are that much of a loser that you should die alone? Does anyone deserve to die alone?\n\nThis isn't about getting ten points from you. This is about the rest of your life. I fed my Dad the last three meals of his life. I was in the hospital room when he died. The first time since my puberty that we got along, was when I was there for him when he got the news that he was dying of cancer, and I was there every day from there till the end. He found out, finally, what kind of good kid he had raised. He had his flaws as a father, but those flaws, instead of causing emotional damage to me, made me a stronger individual. Strong enough to weather the storm when my brother could not.\n\nApparently, you think that the best is behind you. You have been offered a new start. No matter how long you have, you have someone to be with to the end of your days. She loves you. Could you love her? Does it matter if you don't? She's a caregiver. She's like the nurse that falls in love with the patient. Someday, she'll have her sob-story to give to anyone who will listen about the true love that died on her. You, on the other hand, will have someone there FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! It's a marriage of convenience, so to speak. And you deserve it. Be honest with yourself. Don't you deserve it?\n\nOh, and a friend of the family (my family) is in the process of curing Hepatitis B. So, if that's your illness, a cure is in the works at Mayo Clinic, just a few hours northwest of you. Just in case, I thought I should tell you that. And I'm VERY serious. He has Hep B, and his immune system is, well, immune to it. He's getting better, when he should be dead by now. It's one of the best cures since Jonas Salk, and it's happening right before our eyes.
945909
if you have the money you could hire someone just to do odd jobs for you and sometimes when people are ill with cancer the cancer society will take them to all their appts. and all you have to do is call the society in your town and fill out a form..they will also help you to get medicine and whatever you need for your father..I know because my father had liver cancer and we live in a very small town and they helped us..he only lived 6 months..it is hard when we have elderly parents and we have no help, and we have our own problems..medicare and social services may be able to direct you to some help or hospice could help you if your parent is terminal..there is help out there you just have to look for it...call the hospice center and they can direct you even if he is not terminal...good luck I know your pain and i have two sisters who would not help at all when Dad was dying...and i have muscular dystrophy...so i understand!!!....////////
314962
I am sorry about your mom. My mom died in February too, after a very, very long illness. Dad is lost, confused, depressed, lonely, angry. Your dad may need to talk to someone. My dad feels like he can't find his place, like he does not belong anywhere. He does not plan on 'replacing' mom, now or ever even tho both my brother and I have told him it would be ok if he found someone to share his life with, even if he does not ever get married out of respect for my mom (I think I could handle him getting married again if that made him happy).\n\nI took him to the doctor last month and he wanted to be put on anti-depressants but the doctor told him that he had to deal with it, cold turkey, for at least 6 months, that it was a normal mourning process that he needed to go thru.(after 6 months he would consider giving him 'happy pills' and recommending a shrink)\n\nHe also told him that the worse loss a person can feel is when you lose a spouse, a child and a parent -- in that order. I hope your dad starts feeling better soon and that, if this new lady in his life is not right for him, he realizes it soon.\n\nPlease be patient with his anger fits, he may not know how to handle what he is feeling. Let him know that you love him and are there for him. Its all you can really do at this point. I feel your pain more than you know. Good luck!
183447
It's a tough situation.  I don't know if this will help you now but maybe later.  My Mom died when I was 12 and my father got a woman that I didn't like.  Grownups need someone to share their lives that they can communicate with in a loving manner.  I realized this and when my Dad asked me if I wanted him to leave her I knew that I could not replace the enjoyment she gave him.  So I told him I was happy that they were together.  He died of cancer a few years later, but they were happy years for him.  I guess adults need to feel affection and support from their partners and you may find benefits in having 1 parent, if not both, who are more content. I sympathize with you, just try to concentrate on your own life for now.  Things always change.
368923
how do you start dealing with grief,,,not that we are taught that now are we.\n\nI lost my dad 4 years ago xmas eve ( so when people are getting all happy ready for xmas i'm not) and he died also suddenley,.\n \nI see rest of family getting on with it so I think why cant I, but are they???, they prob feeling the same.  think of him at times and then I get upset.\n\nI think also because it was sudden doesnt mean it hurts more than if u know someone is going to die before hand, like my friends mother who had cancer.\nThey prepared themselves for her not being round much longer.... but\n Shock of loosing a loved one is that SHOCK.\n\ntalking does help, listen to me hey lol i can only talk to strangers about this.\n\n its hard cause they ie parents have been there all our life we have known them forever and now they not there.\n\n\n\nSo as far as i know it is normal still to greive, cause you dont think about them doesnt mean you have forgotton them\n\n\nI hope this makes sense sometimes you cant get your words out.\ngood luck sweetie xx
44099
It's still very soon...don't put too much pressure on yourself.\nWhen my mom dies, I expect to pretty much die as well...you're still alive, so you're not doing so badly. \nMy friend lost his mom a year ago, and it's still hitting him very hard...you can wait it out, talk to a therapist, maybe try an anti-depressant if you think it's too much to handle.