How can I relate better to my Nigerian boyfriend I am African American, but I just don't understand him?
611903
How about setting some time aside just for discussion. Ask him about the things you don't understand, give him a chance to explain thoroughly his attitudes and thoughts on as many subjects as you would like. Do this a couple of times a week until you feel comfortable with your feelings and understand. Do the same for him because chances are he doesn't understand some things about us African American women either.
125769
He has made it very clear that your feelings arent very important to him, and I dont think he loves you as much as you love him, or as much as you deserve to be loved!\nYou sound like a wonderful girl, and there are plenty of good guys who would treat you right and appreciate all that you do. Hold out for just that!\nYour boyfriend might be sorry, but he needs a lesson in life. You cant treat people badly and expect them to put up with it!
1014983
You are much better off without him. Maybe he was nice to you but if he was constantly disrespecting others of your race then that is just hurtful and wrong. And who knows how long it would have taken him to start treating you badly? (And by the way, I am a firm supporter of interracial relationships, so I'm not implying you shouldn't go out with a white guy again.) Hang in there and you'll find a guy who deserves you!\n\n"he cant be to racist if hes into black women"\nWow, that's an ignorant comment. I know this is not a pleasant thing to bring up, but slave masters used to often rape their female slaves. Does that mean they weren't racist? You can think someone is attractive but still feel they're inferior to you.
835191
Why does it matter that he was very sweet and respectful in regards to his race?  are you more suprised at the fact that you have a good man or a good black man?  Race shouldn't even be in the cards.  Personally, I could care less if he's black, white, green, or purple.....as long as he treats u right, get yours.
726818
=sounds to me like she is trying to put others down to get ahead.  Sh tattles on others, EXCEPT her boyfriend. \nGuess she lives by her own rules.  Be wary of this one.  I think she thinks cause you are black you are an easy target as well. You are probably a nice guy and I feel bad for you.  God bless.
765878
I'm an african but i know a little about muslim marriage.He has to introduce you to his family,then he'll make his intentions to his family,thats to marry you.Then he will come with his family to meet yours.The lady's family does not go to meet the guy's family.it is isn't done anywhere.Just be patient.when your guy is ready he'll tell you when he's meeting your family.
505545
Well, 2 months is long enough to know if you love someone so it is possible that this guy is in love with you. And his race has nothing to do with anything. He is a fellow human being and that is all that matters. \n\nYour comment about not knowing how to love is interesting. Could it be that you will not allow yourself to love? I noticed you asked if it is 'okay' to love someone outside your race. Almost as though you are asking permission to fall in love - or to love full stop. YES IT IS OKAY!!! But why the heck do you care about the opinions of a bunch of people on this board? We don't know you. Only you know if you could ever love this guy and you don't need permission to love him either. \n\nIf you think he is potential partner material, give in to your feelings and go with the flow. See where things take you. Do not pay attention to anyone who looks down on your relationship in any way (unless, of course, this guy turns out to be abusive in some way). What you do and who you date is no one's business but yours. Just focus on being happy.\n\nEdit: \n\nSinfully_exquisite_stalking - my son is mixed race (yes, my ex was white) and he has no identity issues. If your friends seem mixed up it is because they were brought up by parents who didn't impart any sense of their culture. My son knows his white culture and his black culture. He knows he is mixed race but describes himself as a black man because that is how the world at large views him. But bottom line - while he accepts his heritage (because to deny it would be foolish) he doesn't see colour because like me and his father, he thinks it is irrelevant. If your friends are confused, do them a favour and suggest to them that they do what they can to learn about their heritage.
809730
Why can't you date a black man? Culture reasons, your parents, personal things.  I would re-examine why.  Try to be his friend and get to know him.  Don't stereotype him because of his color.  You might find out that he's a really good guy.
719356
Be honest with him. The fact that he asks questions means that he wants to learn about you and your family and wants to see if any of the things hes heard about black people are true or not. Its good that he asks and doesnt just believe everything hes heard.
897187
first of all i am black and we do do stuff society all black men are not the same so don't let that non sense get in your head. second of all if you really loved this guy you should stay with him and if your family doesn't like it o well. third if he is nice as you say don't break up
609557
I asked a friend of mine from Liberia this same question one day.The Africans feel that most of us are ashamed to be black,are lazy,use racism for an excuse to not get ahead,blame the world for our problems and are ignorant. I asked one of my anthro professors from Nigeria the same question and he feels that black Americans look down on Africans. I feel we should all should bury the hatchet and get along because we share the same heritage and we have so much to learn from one another. We are never taught about Africa in school,only black American history.The history and cultures of the different countries is truly intersting.I know plenty of black Americans who date and have married Africans.The women especially feel more respected with an African man.
959203
what is the matter with you anyway? I bet you are one of those blacks who went to an all-white school and was teased about your African features...get over it! Look in the mirror every morning and learn to love what God gave you. Convince yourself that you are somebody special and you are beautiful because God loves variety and concentrating more on being educated and bettering yourself as a person instead of your looks.
231174
Be honest and open. I know it's easier said than done though. It took me 4.5 months to tell my dad's side of the family that my bf is white and from another country. They still don't know that he is Muslim and we've been together 6 months (they're black Christians). It takes time.
140906
if you see him for his ethnicity, there is a very low probability a relationship would work. try seeing him as a person not a race.
616163
After looking at your other questions, answers and myspace page I can understand why he doesn't want you around. \n\nYour "self esteem issues" about being fat come across as being very fake and a "look at me! look at me!" tactic. \n\nYour constant comments about being pretty come off as being desperate for attention.\n\nYour only real supporting evidence for being a "perfect" friend is having good grades, being pretty, and dressing in preppy clothing.\n\nLastly, the biggest thing (which I'm betting is his main reason for separating you from is daughter) is your attitude towards black people. You are without a doubt, a racist.\n\nYou come across as being fake, arrogant, insincere, and racist. No wonder he's booted you out of their life! If you want to remain friends with her, you're really going to need a complete attitude make-over.\n\nOften times, the people with the worst behavior are seen as representing their entire race. You need only ask a European what he thinks of americans and you'll see what I mean. We all get labeled because of people like you.
1166699
yeah my boyfriend is outside my race and we've been together for years
975958
Approach him and clear the misunderstandings. Tell him how you feel about him.