How has divorced touched your life? What have you learned from it?
601952
Had 2 kids, very tough, loved her when we divorced. Partied to much, had no idea what I was getting into (with kids). Wish the divorce had never happened and it took 17 years to get back to where I could finally have a relationship and feel good. It is not fun, not like the movie stars! It is very painful and be very careful and ready when you marry. It is a great thing to have a great partner.
251429
First marriage I knew him several years, then I dated him for about a year, then he proposed. HE cheated 3 months after we were married (maybe sooner) and continued to cheat for 3 years before I gave him the boot...It took a year to get the divorce back then...I would have left him sooner, but my family kept saying things would get better. After he gave me an STD (thank God it was something that could be cured), I divorced him! Stupid that I stayed with him for so long, it was like gambling with my life! I was miserable and I really began to hate him and the sight of him. In the end he beat me up and I made sure it the divorce was as nasty as I could make it.\n\nThen 14 years later I met a nice man on the Internet, I had said I would never get married again. Never say never...we "dated" online for about a year, (this was back in 1995-1996, we had a private chat program called PowWow, and we chatted EVERY night, then talked on the phone to say "goodnight". \n\nHe was in the Northern US, and I was in the South. He proposed online, sent me a picture of the rings and asked me if I would consider moving up North to share his life, and be his wife and partner. I said "Yes".\n\nIn November, we will have been married for 10 years, and aside from some health difficulties, it's been a very good marriage! He's my best friend, and we did not even have to go through a bunch of head games while dating. I was honest with him when we chatted, and I feel that he has always been honest with me. I was on the high side of my 30s and he was about 5 years older than me. \n\nIt really freaked my friends out, when I suddenly dropped out of my usual routines to spend time chatting with my online boyfriend.  All of my friends said that I was crazy, he might be an ax murderer, and all kinds of wild things!  When he came down South, we met, and the very next day we eloped! VERY ROMANTIC, and I remember when I signed the marriage license my hand was shaking and so was his! \n\nWe both took a BIG leap of faith, and I feel like God blessed us! Things could have turned out so differently! I say it depends on the people in the relationship and what they want in life, and what they may have experienced in the past. I met some real nice men between husband #1 and my husband now. I just was not ready to trust my heart to anyone else so completely. Two of them proposed to me, but I eventually broke off the relationships because I had issues with trusting them. A cheating spouse can make a person very suspicious and cause them to sabatage future relationships because they are suspicious. After my experiences, I say, I believe in love. I have learned that there are some good loyal and truthful men in this world, and you never know when you may meet the right man for you!\n\nIf it's worth having, give it time. I would have continued the Internet relationship longer if things had not developed as they did. I think I knew that he was a "keeper", and if he had waited longer to propose, I would have waited for him. Don't ask me how, but I fell in love with a man that I could not even touch! We typed so much that I typed the letters off of two keyboards. :D\n\nGood luck, and may God bless you and your future too!\nruthie~
386154
Have you talked to him about reconciliation through some type of therapy through your church. I have been divorced, and would have preferred reconciliation, but never even talked about it to my ex-wife. She pursued the divorce at first, and I never fought at all, what a mistake. He might have lost that loving feeling, but that is part of life. It will return, given time. and it will be better than before.
394970
My parents got a divorse about 2 years ago and it was terrible.  I am 21 and the oldest of 6 kids and probably the least effected by their desission to get a divorse.  While the circumstances we were living in were alot worse than haveing to go throught the divorse it just felt terrible having it happen.  It was terrible to see two people i had seen my whole life claim that they loved each other and cared for eachother turn vile one against another and hate eachother.  it left wounds that still have not been healed and i doubt will be in the near future.  as for who is to blame for divorse many times the children feel that they are to blame, and i have felt that, but it is wrong.  It is hard to point fingers, each does things that may have contributed to it but it all comes down to that they were not united in a single cause.  Their agendas were different and selfishness feeds on these situations until love is no longer felt.  My opinion is that it is better to wait and make sure that the person you are going to marry is the kind of person you want to spend all your life with.  some people are alot of fun right now but may not be good "marriage material".  I really enjoy this scripture from proverbs, I wish that there was one about the virtuous man as well but i haven't found one.  This is what i look for in a wife:\n\nProverbs 31:\n10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.\n\n11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.\n\n12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.\n\n13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.\n\n14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.\n\n15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.\n\n16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.\n\n17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.\n\n18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.\n\n19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.\n\n20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.\n\n21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.\n\n22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.\n\n23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.\n\n24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.\n\n25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.\n\n26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.\n\n27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.\n\n28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.\n\n29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.\n\n30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.\n\n31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
589754
I was actually *glad* when my mom and stepdad got divorced.  She was out drinking and irresponsible all the time and I was the one that had to remind her, when she brought parties home at 2 a.m., that I had school in the morning!!!  And I was only 12.\n\nThey divorced when I was 14, I was just sick and tired of them fighting all the time and I was always dragged into the middle of it.  Who do you think is right, come on, let's leave, no come with me, no stay here with me!!!  Sick sick, sick of it.\n\nThey get along much better now that they are divorced and even hang out at each other's house cooking dinner and what not but nothing more than friends.  It's a lot better this way because I was just sick and tired of the fighting, if this is your situation you are talking about, your children will be glad for the two of you as well and hopefully they will love you both equally and just be happy that the two of you will be better off as friends.
180683
After 18 months of seperation is when my divorce became final, but I knew it was the right thing when he said "if I can't sleep with you, I might as well go sleep with her." Best worst day of my life. \n\nHere's the thing, if you have any contact and or children, it's a good thing to work hard on trying to find your way back to the good times. If you don't have contact, and no one even wants to make an effort to work things thru, it's time to let it go and get a divorce. \n\nIt sucks, I know. But I am so happy now. I have a loving relationship that gets better and better every day I'm in it. Things were so not that way with my ex. It's not that I never fight with my current mate, it's just the arguments are rare and get resolved. \n\nWhatever happens, learn to love and respect yourself. Maybe you made a mistake with marriage. That's all it might be, a mistake. Learn from it and go on and be happy.
641183
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
1171958
I was married and now divorced. It was a horrible experience being in that situation.  The worst part was she was my best friend and we had a child together. If you're in that situation, I feel your pain but it wasn't any easy last three years. Much better place now! Now before anyone makes any rude comments, I wouldn't accept that I was gay and thought their was other issues. I didn't get married KNOWING i was gay. I should have known but I didn't.
1187673
My wife and I had the same friends all throughout high school. We didn't know each other til I competed with her friend who was supposed to get the lead in the musical. I auditioned as a joke (I was a band person) then got the part. Ironically I now teach choral and general music. \n\nTwo things that cemented our relationship: I (very immature) asked her best friend to the prom, when everyone thought I'd ask her. She chose to wait for me to mature. (Thank you, dear.) And when I always wanted to spend my lawn mowing money taking her out to dinner, she'd always tell me to put it away and come to her house and she'd cook (Ahhh. the power of the pot!). We've been married 24 years. Have three "top 10 of the their class" girls. \n\nThe same jokes, busts, memories, attitudes, outlooks, stem from those days. \n\nAnytime, there has been stress on our relationship was due to loosing focus on the other person and focusing on (myself.) The classic American overly- ambitious path, materialism, no time for family, etc.\n\nI would include her in that comment but in 24 years I honestly cannot think of a time my wife was ever selfish or self centered or overly ambitious that she was the cause of stress on our relationship. (not once, ever. I mean thinking about it now, that is incredible.) Simply put,\n\nI'm a lucky guy.
105631
YES! Getting a divorce was the best thing I ever did! My husband left me for another woman and it was the BEST decision HE ever made!  I finally found out who I was and it was the best few years I ever had (after I finally got over him leaving). My son was 3 and it was difficult for him, but he is 8 now and is a very happy little boy! I am now engaged with the love of my life and couldn't be happier!
844001
I guess it would depend on the circumstances of the divorce. Mine was due to lying, adultery, and mental illness (all on his part). After 12 1/2 yrs. of marriage and 2 1/2 yrs. of being apart it's getting harder and harder to remember the good times. I know they existed but the details are fuzzy now. I remember the hurtful times more - mostly because those are what you dwell on the most immediately after your spouse leaves. Emotions are usually high then and often negative. That is what sticks with you.\n\nAfter 27 yrs. of marriage I think it would be difficult to forget everything - especially if there were lots of good times (special vacation spots, things you both enjoyed doing together on a regular basis, events with the kids, etc.). It's a bit harder to go about rebuilding a new life after that kind of time together. You were probably so familiar to each other as the air you breathed at that point. I would have loved to get to that point in my marriage.\n\nPeople say after that long you take each other for granted, that things are 'boring'. That kind of being taken for granted and familiarity (also referred to as boring) has it's plus side. It has the opportunity to be a deeper, more satisfying, lasting love than what you can get from an affair or new relationship. Even while your brain is producing those wonderful chemical reactions to give you that 'in love' feeling it's hard to compare to 27 yrs. of someone being by your side. Even the stalest relationships can have new life breathed into them with a little effort and regular 'tune-ups'. Unless there was abuse I just couldn't imagine walking away from someone after that long. If it wasn't an amicable parting I feel very sorry for you both.
634090
Many things.  \n\nA couple I can't tell you about (but praise God for forgiveness and second chances).\n\nThe thing I can tell you about is being an absolute rubbish husband for about 4 years of our marriage.  I was controlling, uncaring and put down my wife.  I even made her do all the work with the baby.  Thank God He changed me (though it took my wife being hospitalised for clinical depression to realise it) and for the marriage course that also helped my wife forgive me and helped me to see what a git I was.  http://themarriagecourse.org/marriage/\n\n4 years on we are now a different couple - and very much in love. When she talks about some of the stuff I said then, I simply can't believe it - it seems so alien now!
790734
The very first thing you must realize is that you will not die because of divorce. It has happened to millions of people before you and it will happen to millions of people after you.\n\nAlthough divorce cause severe emotional pain, you must believe that you will get over it. Of course, it takes time, but you will eventually recover and find love again. It is very important that you understand this.\n\nIt is crucial to understand that the marriage is over. It is vital that you immediately let go of the other person and begin setting your own life in order.\n\nYou must not think about pain or dwell upon what was yesterday. The more you think about the past the worse it will hurt, and the longer it will take for you to recover. \n\nYou must think about yourself. You cannot allow yourself to just sit and waste away. You need to take hold of yourself and go on living. \n\nIn order to counter bad feelings, you must keep yourself busy - clean your house, wash your car, write out a budget, study or go to work. Keep yourself moving and working on the kinds of things that make you happy.\n\nIt is extremely important that you express the feelings of anger you are carrying or they will eat you alive. The best way to deal with anger is to know exactly what you are angry about and then choose the most suitable way to express your anger to the person that has made you angry. \n\nAnother important thing in recovering from a divorce is to eliminate the feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly as they come into sight. Simply tell yourself that your marriage did not work out. You must forget about your ex as quickly as you possibly can! \n\nOf course all of this is much easier said than done, but these things you must do, and you must do them right away. \n\nTo recover from the trauma of divorce, you must allow enough time for the healing process to be completed and be positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you.
604540
Thank you "Divorced Dad", or at least I assume so. We need someone to talk to on occasion that understands, or someone to answer questions that we don't kow the answer to. Good Luck!
464203
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
363440
first of all congradulations on your divorce-i am divorced too-when it's not the right one it sure feels good to be free-get involved in your community-i feel this is the best way to meet decent people-community theatreor go to local chamber of commerce or city hall and check out their events calander-get involved in something you enjoy-not only will you meet people but you will be doing good things for the community too-
45093
Hey single 20 something divorced female here and it has been so tough being divorced and single in my 20s I am just PRAYING my 30s are phenomenal!!