married, love my husband, but im attracted to another guy, really don't want sex, just to be friends?
608727
It is a warning...\n"I like him so very much"\nThat is a crush...and it will lead to something else. If you can't take the friendship or leave it...then you are fooling yourself. \n\nWhy don't you ask your husband what he thinks. That will legitimize the friendship. If you don't want to tell him you have your answer.
736959
I would imagine that part of why you guys are so close is that there is little chance of anything happening between you.  You are married, he is gay.  There is a line between you that keeps you honest.  \n\nI have always been more flirtatious with women who are attached because I didn't feel anything for them and I knew that they didn't feel anything for me.  I didn't have anything to worry about.  When I was with a woman who I had feelings for, I acted differently, didn't want to make too big a fool out of myself.\n\nYou may want to work on strengthening things with your husband.  Try flirting with him, like before you were married.  Surprise him with a romantic candlelit dinner one evening.  Maybe you can turn things around on the home front
914905
If you feel the person your married to is the One, your attraction to other people will not steer you away from your love and faithfulness to your spouse. You will always be attracted to other people, your human. But you will feel it's not worth it to be with someone else because you already have what you found at home...that is, if the one your married to IS the One. If you have any doubt in your marriage, then you made a mistake when you got married to that person, and it will be easier for you to make the decision to be with this other person because you feel they have something incredibly important that your spouse doesn't.\n\nSometimes you may simply be confused about your marriage because of your sudden and shocking new found attraction to someone else. In that case, re-evaluate the importance of your spouse and figure out and re-learn if your spouse really does make you feel great, and is important to the max in your life.
868709
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex all the time and it is hard when one person seems disinterested.  You have some idea if he is under stress or if he is tired all the time so I won't go that route with this answer.  I also won't go down the is he cheating path because if you had some concern about that you would have mentioned it in your question.  I would ask you to think about what was going on before you got married when the two of you were having sex regularly.  Were the two of you living together??  Were you the one who initiated it all the time??  Alot of times we have the answers to the question we pose you simply need to look into your history with your husband.  I asked you the questions above because a similar thing happened in my marriage.  I was distracted and very busy not to mention I was very tired all the time and I felt as if I didn't want to disappoint my wife by not having the energy that I normally had.  So she felt I had to be out there doing something with someone because I was not doing it enough with her.  Desire is what fuels sex so you have to "get back on your husband's mind".  How, well some times a little shock could be the key.  In your question you say you are thinking about getting it elsewhere, tell him that.  Yeah I said it, tell him that he is frustrating you and though you don't want to cheat, he makes you feel as if you want to cheat.  Now don't dare cheat because it is not worth it.  You wouldn't want  him to cheat on you.  Tell him that making love is very important to you and that you are not trying to be selfish but that you need and want to show affection.  From the wording of your question, you seem like you are willing to do what it takes to make him happy.  My other suggestion is to be patient.  You might have to accept a compromise where you might have to get it twice a week instead of everyday.  One thing is for sure, sex cannot be the defining issue in your marriage.  You have to find a way to communicate what you are feeling and act with the information that you receive.\n\nGood Luck
502678
reltionship is frankly determined by how two people get to know each other.ifboth of you have determined to marry and are genuiely commited to the cause of living the rest of your lives together,i think both of you should be open to each other.but care should be excercise to avoid sensitive  issues of sex , flirting to damage relationship youve built for 9months to just go . my advice is since  youve acknowledge the past and fell remorse about it,keep such influences out of ur life,pray to god for forgiveness ,free your spirit by this cofession in prayer.again to tell your boy friend may not be helpful except he is of a good understanding person .try as much as possible to build relationship devoid of any cheat .if both of latter married u will see the fruit of your commitment to each other.
619680
You don't have two personalities what you do have is a part of you that desires intimacy and affection. I think you are torn between your values and your emotional and physical needs. I have to commend you for your commitment to your marriage but how do you do it if he is so far away?  As much as you have all the best intentions I can't imagine having my husband in another country it would make me feel like i wasn't married. Does your husband have plans on coming home soon? If he doesn't and you do find the courage to separate from your husband it does not mean you didn't try to make it work or did something wrong. Unless the way you feel right now changes. If the need for an intimate relationship still haunts you, you have to seriously consider moving on so you can be whole again.
376044
I hope that you are very careful with what you are doing with this guy.  Remember that you are married and you may lack a certain thing in your marriage which will be better work out with your husband.  I understand that it is kind of nice to have someone interested in your despite you are married but why are you dragging him on?  Will you be happy to divorce your husband because this guy sweet talk to you?  Are you sure that you will have a better future with this man than your current husband.  I suggest that you spend more time with your husband and rediscover him then talking to this guy, unless you have no hope in your marriage!  Good Luck!
528795
I don't mean to sound disrespectful but... I think it's time to move on.I would say otherwise if he wasn't married but going after another womans husband is wrong and not only that but if you did get to have sex with him again it wouldn't satisfy you only make you want more than a sexual relationship. It obviously wasn't meant to be so getcha grove on girl there are lots of guys that probably would love to go out with you, ya just gotta be patient.
883546
sounds like self sabotage to me. Have you asked yourself, why you do not want to be alone? \n\nSounds like you and your husband need to make changes together. It isn't right that you arbitrarily made a decision for him, by stepping out on him. Would you like it done to you? \n\nAnother thing, have you asked yourself why you chose a married man? You know that he isn't going to leave his wife, or should. He has no business being with you, as you have no business being with him. It isn't fair to you or the other people... such as your husband, and his wife. If the roles were reversed and you didn't know... how would you feel  once you found out... and now say you and the husband who is going to leave his wife, get together, live together, get married. Can you be certain since his history ( with you) has shown that he isn't imune to cheating since you were the other woman. Whos to say he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? \nYou need to stop setting yourself up for train wrecks waiting to happen and fix the situation you are already in. Break it off with the married man, and leave him alone. Talk to your husband if you want to make this work, open up the lines of communication and seek marriage councilling! Don't be mean and blurt out that you are having an affair because he is ignoring you and is not the sexual life of the party in the bedroom. This isn't all his fault and you need to realize that you both have needs that are not getting met, it takes two to make a marriage work and putting blame on him is not going to heal you. You need to figure out what your needs and wants are, and talking to someone to try to discover the part of you that is lost will help you in this relationship or any HEALTHY relationship you get into in the future!
818215
On the one hand, it is perfectly normal to have a close friend you can turn to outside of a marriage just to talk about things from a different perspective.\n\nOn the other hand, when you are talking about more than friendship, if nothing else you should think about how your husband might feel if and when he finds out.  (How would *you* feel if you found out your husband was having an affair with an old friend, even someone you knew?)  The longer your affair goes on, the more likely it is he will find out, even if he is trusting enough not to be looking for it.\n\nIf what you really need is just a friend to talk to about things, someone you can just chill with occasionally, then by all means don't discard your old best friend -- but if that is what you really want, then stick to being friends.  If things are going further than friendship there then you need to ask yourself what it is that you really need besides another friendly face to talk to.... is it purely physical?  Is it emotional, the idea of extra attention?  \n\nIf something is lacking in your marriage, try talking to your husband about it.  Guys aren't real good about talking about emotions, but we are even worse at reading minds.  Your husband will be pretty slow to clue in that something's not right if you don't tell him.  --Besides, you might be surprised.  If the guy really loves you, chances are he will do his best to make you happy again.\n\nIf it isn't so much that you are feeling like anything is lacking in your marriage at all, but you just like having "something extra"... well.... how fair is that for your husband?  Being in a committed relationship means a certain amount of compromise and sacrifice -- you can't just go out and do anything you want regardless of your partner.  In a good relationship, though, the relationship itself is worth a lot more than what you have to give up.  \n\nIf your affair is worth more to you than your marriage, then maybe you should think things through a little more carefully.
773000
Hai,\nY do u want to keep a relationship secret in the first place? Well if both of them are married to different people ofcourse thats a sin. At times its normal to feel attracted to others ( whn u are married ) but dont let that attraction take u to different directions.I believe its sin cheating ur wife or husband. Its being totally an untrustworthy person !!!! Thats like being a CHEAPO !!!! U would not like if ur wife does that to u right !\nIf u both are not married, then its ur choice to keep it a secret or not and if u both are gonna get married then thats perfectly fine.
536999
Well first before I had these thoughts of being his "mrs" I would want to be his friend. When we become friends for a time you get to see his true colors and he yours.\n Sex messes with your head. You ignore many RED FLAGS about a person. Take it easy and see where it goes. Your valuable and dont let anyone tell you different!
219294
You should be able to be friends. If both of your spouses really don't mind go for it. Just be sure that it doesn't go to far.
409093
"I don't want to divorce him over something this minor. (He would be left alone)"\n\nThis doesn't sound minor to me.  I'm 34 and going thru a divorce right now for similar reasons.  My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and I've never loved another person so strongly and intimately; but I've discovered that I'm not sexually attracted to her.  I tried to tell myself that it was a simple problem, and that it wasn't worth ending the marriage; but over time (and through therapy) I've learned that I was manipulating myself, and her, trying to keep the working parts of our marriage in tact at all cost – and damaging our relationship along the way.\n\nMy opinion: you are not responsible for his feelings, and you are not a bad person if you "leave him alone".  He's an adult, and can only benefit from facing this situation honestly.  How rewarding is this marriage going to be for him (or you) if your relationship isn't completely honest?  \n\nCHEAP ALTERNATIVE TO THERAPY\nTry 12 step meetings.  Not AA, but AlAnon, or better yet, CODA if it's available in your area (Codependents Anonymous).  You'll find yourself in a room full of people who are facing similar problems head-on, supporting one another without any bullsh*t.\n\nHope this isn't too preachy.\n\n:^|
592481
You all have some serious sexual issues in your marriage.  Don't be doing his dad, nor your male friend.  You 2 would be best off just keeping your marriage between the 2 of you, & not involving any others.  Your marriage will not last when it gets that messed up!  If you want to fantasize bi stuff within your marriage, go for it!  But just don't do it, as you will destroy your marriage.
960912
Natural.\n\nBeing married does not cut off all your sense involving the opposite sex.  You still can become very attracted to someone else but because you are married, you don't allow it to lead to ANYTHING !\n\nBut, you may think about the other person for a while but it will pass with your help meaning get busy with something else and pray.
948540
Talk this thing out.  Set some ground rules if you want to establish another relationship.  I stongly recommend that you look for a relationship and not just sex, not just friends with benefits either though it may start out that way.  To the extent that she is comfortable with knowing, let her know exactly what your doing, who your seeing and how much you like this person.   A long term committed loving relationship is not out of the question.  Let the other person know that your wife is part of your life and that will never, never change, no matter how involved you become with her.  \n\nIf you exclude your wife from knowing this other woman, knowing what your doing (and I don't mean all the sexual details) and when, giving your wife an opportunity to know her (her choice to act on it) then your marriage will fail and badly.\n\nHonesty, which it seems that you have with your wife, is key.  \n\nWhat you should be looking for is some form of polyamory.\n\nI have much (though not in every way) the same situation here for the past 15 years and my marriage is wonderful.  But it takes work and honesty.\n\nIf you'd like to learn more about this you can find out more information at:\n\nhttp://www.polyamorysociety.org/\n\nor you can email me.  I have an email link in my Answer profile.