My husband and I have been together 4 yrs & married 1 year.  How do I convince him we're ready to have a baby?
598050
I think alot of your responses are good ones , but i agree with one main point communication. If you have tried to talk about it then maybe just give it a little time. If he truly repects your feelings and knows how much you want children then it will work out for the best. Kids are a big comitment and belive it or not once the kids come men are kinda stuck, i mean that in a nice way, we know that once the kids come it's no more hanging out with the boys all the time,and also no more time for us only for the kids. So maybe u should talk about how You will make sure to balance the time and allow him to still have his time. The truth is once the kids get here He will enjoy the hell out of them and naturally love them and care for them, it's all a part of becoming a man, i real man that is, so good luck and remind him that one of the best things about kids is making them, lol, just kidding, but it is fun.
67984
Wow, that is a hard one. I've never been married, and I don't have children, but obviously you having a child together makes this more difficult. It's is not like you can just pick up and leave-- you have an obligation to your child, and you also say you own your home, so you have a financial obligation together as well.\n\nI gave a man an ultimatum before, and it drove him away. If I were you, I would want to make it official, but for religious reasons in my case. \n\nWhat you have to ask yourself is if you are ready to raise your child separately, and if you are ready to move out and move on? If he were never to ask, and were to tell you up front that he won't, would you be willing to stay? If he asked for time, how much time would you be willing to give him? Once you can answer those two questions, you are on your way. No one can answer them but you.\n\nGood luck.
508223
They say that if people waited til they could really afford it before they had a baby, no one would have any children, ever.\n\nHowever, 24 is very VERY young. Other people having children around you should not influence your decision.  The guy you're dating, although you don't say much about him, has alot of children already that he presumably doesn't live with. Perhaps not the best support,having a baby is hard work.\nAsk yourself\nWill you live with your partner for 18 years or more?\nIs he a good father/do you want him to be the father of your children?\nCan you be completely selfless?\nCan you give up your life as you know it?\nCan you give a child the very best start in life?\n\nIf you can answer yes to those questions you are ready. If not, or if you just want a dolly that will call you momma, you're really not.
242753
My advice to you:\nAll you have to do hun, stay truthful, honest, and love your man. And hopefully he does the same for the rest of your lives. There are no precautions you can take to avoid divorce. Fate brought you 2 together, and your fate lies with you 2. Let it take its course. If youre unsure of this marriage, do you think you should or are ready to get married? Make sure that you guys are 100% ready for this. Get some pre-marriage couseling if you'd like. Like meeting w/ your pastors. Usually that is the first step b/4 getting married anyway. You cant avoid the unavoidable. If its meant to be, it'll last, if its not, it wont. But best wishes to you. And a lifetime of happiness and love!!
915930
girl you need a rest. Try to foccus on something else for awhile. Is it amed. reason you have this problem?  Try to build a relationship with your hubby that is strong enough to be without children. Take trips, do exciting things now while you can, and enjoy just the two of you for now. time for children will come later when you both have setled down and know each other better. Your stress of having children maybe hurting you. Build a life on just the two of you first. You must be happy with him and you first before you have children. children cannot be the reason for the two of you to be happy. It will never work. I talk from experence. My children have learned that babies don't make a marrage work, only the two of you can do that. Do step one first and just be happy together as one. Then bring children in at the right time.
339762
I think that your boyfriend is doing the responsible thing, and you should support him in it. Fact is, by trying to get his finances in order and get rid of "old demons", he is showing that he wants to be responsible. Right now, you aren't pregnant, so that's not a concern.\n\nIf you were to get pregnant, then the situation has changed completely. Again, he is saying that he will do the responsible thing and marry you right away.\n\nIf you have to have a commitment (which isn't unreasonable), set a date for your marriage. A hard in stone date, so you can start planning your future together. If he is being responsible, he will have no problem with this as he should already know how long it will take to fix his finances and demons. If he is afraid of marriage, then you will know because he will resist the setting of a hard date. Either way, you will know what his true intent is.
304950
Well first do you think he will be highly upset and uncontrollable if he found out? If so, you might tell him in a public place, like a parking lot of a walmart or restaurant. Etc.. Another approach is ask him how he would feel about the two of you having children. And then ask how about if it was soon. He will start to catch on. Also let him know that this is possible and that you are'nt sure yet.
611932
The world right now in May of 2006 is climbing toward 7,000,000,000 -- yes, billion -- people.  For health reasons, you have had a hysterectomy.  And now your husband wants another baby.  What do YOU want?  Do you have any children in the first place?  Have you or he had children together, or do you have children from previous relationships?  How much strain would this pregnancy put on your body and your relationship?  All of these questions and more, I'm sure, need to be considered.\n\nIn vitro may be an option, but it's expensive and very iffy, with maybe a 10% chance of impregnation at any one time.  At several thousand dollars per cycle and no promises, IVF is often an emotional rollercoaster, as people get their hopes up and then nothing.  Are you willing to go through, potentially, months and years of disappointment, dwindling finances and no child at the end?\n\nUsing a surrogate is a possibility, but surrogacy is fraught with emotional time-bombs.  Some surrogates want to keep the baby.  Mothers who cannot have children physically may be resentful and jealous of the other woman's ability to become and stay pregnant.  I don't know what the protocol is after a child is born from a surrogate, but it seems an extraordinary thing for a woman to give birth to a child and then just walk away, but I suppose that's how it's done.  \n\nUltimately if you don't have a uterus, you cannot have a baby naturally that I'm aware of.  You would have to use a surrogate, or you would have to adopt.  I'd suggest you do some research and reading first, talk this over with your husband, and talk it over with yourself, and think about what you really want.  \n\nIt sends up a big red flag to me that after a hysterectomy where your uterus is removed, your husband suddenly wants a baby -- and obviously you cannot do this.  Is it really a baby he wants, or something else emotionally?  Having a baby complicates relationships and never solves any problem.  Babies even when wanted bring stress to a relationship.  Perhaps some marriage counseling and/or some very honest talks are very much in order.  I wish you the best.\n\nGood luck.  Cheers, K
77040
Tell him that you need to wait and both you and your boyfriend should consider finishing schools or any carrer goals so that you can provide for your child.  If he loves you he can wait until you are ready.
970186
I have a good friend who has also been married for 2 years. Her and her husband do not have kids and she does not feel the need to explain why. You don't have to give an explanation because no one is owed one. Why you don't have children is between you and your hubby. The next time someone asks why you don't have kids, tell them that you are waiting, or that you aren't ready and switch the subject.
1124758
Steph,\n\nI'm sorry to hear how things are turning out.  Someone earlier said you need to copy & paste this question and send it to him.  Basically I agree.  Marriage takes work - sometimes a lot of work.\n\nI wouldn't pretend to know how your relationship was before the pregnancy, but a lot of marriages struggle when the mad, passionate sex starts to subside.\n\nI think it is time you got these issues out in the open in a non-threatening way - not during a fight.  Many couples deal with similar issues - a pro might be a lot of help.  If that isn't practacle, you might start off by being more up-front with him.  Tell him what is on your mind and ask him to do the same.\n\nYou might be surprised by his answers.   Hopefully, you will both reach a better understanding of each other.  It is sometimes tough for a guy to be "involved" but it is a legitimate need you have and one he needs to work to fulfill.  \n\nHe has needs too, do what you can.  My guess is that he will be more receptive to working to please you if he senses you are making a concerted effort to do the same.\n\nAlso, recognize that you both are under a lot of stress.  Marriage, a new baby, job, etc.  It is a to deal with.  You also need to ask him some hard questions about your weight.  Is his love for you conditional on your appearance?  If so, what happens when you get old?\n\nWell, good luck.\nC
60732
I am glad you two found your love.  Remember that both of you should finish high school and complete at least two years of college.  This will help both of you have decent jobs and be able to support the family.\n\nUse protections and do not get pregnant until you are married.  If you have a child now, you will stop going to school and create a very hard life for both of you and the baby.\n\nIf you both love each other, work hard in school and college, so that you will have the money to support your family and be able to afford to do things together.\n\nBest of luck.
753022
You should have both settled on the children issue BEFORE marrying. There is no excuse for this issue to be surfacing now, shame on you both for not addressing it before you ever committed to each other.\n\nNow you are stuck. Since he does not want children and you do, the only recourse you have is divorce.
459786
If you want a baby, it is time to find someone who wants marriage and a family.  It is obvious that he only wants sex...he has no intention of committing.  Move on and find someone who loves you enough to want to marry you and have a family.
933321
Oh how I can relate!  My husband is 32 and I am 23.  We have been together since I was 16 years old.  We are now married with 3 beautiful children and after almost 8 years are great.  I think it depends on the maturity of both couples.  I think people have a predestined idea that age is so important.  I am sorry but I have seen people who are 25 not be able to handle having a baby while an 19 year old can, my point, maturity.  If you are able to willingly work on your relationship then there is no reason why you cannot make it last.  You also need to believe in yourself and make sure you know what you want.  It is your decision and your's alone and no one can tell you what is best for you but you.
758376
I am married to a man like this.  They live in a dream world.  Because they don't take responsibility for themselves they remain happy-go-lucky kids, which unfortunately gives them a certain charm.\n\nSit down with him.  Show him the bills.  Show him your paycheck.  Tell him you are struggling- which as a single mother I am sure you are.  Ask him for his help.  Then see if he steps up to the plate.\n\nYou don't need to give him any ultimatums.  But in your own mind you might say something like- if he doesn't have a job by the new year- he's out.  Then follow through.  When that time comes remind him of the conversation you had about the bills, of his promises if he made any- and he probably will, and tell him you love him but that you cannot afford another child right now.  You might tell him that if he gets and holds a job for at least 6 months you'll talk to him again.\n\nYou need to think about the example you are setting your children.  If they are girls you don't want them to wind up supporting some guy.  If they are boys you don't want them to think they can find a woman with a big heart and a full wallet.\n\nBe strong.  Be firm.  And tell me how to take my own advice.
343834
wait sometimes bringing a baby in to the world at the wrong time is a bad thing and maybe your hubby to be is not ready to be a father yet. You both need to enjoy each other for a while cause when you have a baby things will bee different for all three you.