how do i know if i am coping with lost of grown child?
608690
I don't understand your question but if you have lost a grown child there is no real coping mechanism. When I lost my son I just determined to hold his memory in my heart and to share it with others. This way you in effect keep the loved one alive in the minds of others. If you are getting through day to day and allowing yourself to go on with life as the loved one would have wished you to then you are coping. I am sympathetic with you and with time you will get better at coping but it will always cause some pain, at least that's the way it is with me and I lost my son 15 years ago. I have watched his children grow and I admit that I took some solace in that.  I just looked at your site and see that you and I are the same age and that you have a grand daughter from the little that you say in your profile I think that you are doing real well. God bless
430887
Its still really close...  Give it time, its a hard thing to deal with.  For now just take one day at a time as they come, and don't get overwhelmed.  Make sure you take care of yourself, and also be sure not to bottle up your emotions, 'cause that will only make things harder.  It probably sound cliche by now, but I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope things work out for you.
615980
The lost of a mother or other close relative is very difficult and often takes years to adjust. Some little word or sight might trigger a memory that will bring a reminder of the lost.  \n\nThe best friend is one that listens.  It is more important to listen than to talk when a friend needs help.  They need to have times that they can express their feelings.  One suggest is at one of those difficult moments is to ask them "what are you thinking about?".  Then listen without saying much except for reassurance and comfort.  Over time she will come to feel more comfortable about opening up to you about what she is feeling in those tense moments.  \n\nIn any case, just being there is important or she would not want to come around anymore.  So, take it slow and look for ways to have fun along with the serious times.
37234
Praise God that I have not lost a child, but I do want to encourage you, I was watching my distant mentor Oprah during a show about grieving the loss of a child, she had Dr. Phil on the show that day and he said something that I will never forget, he said, instead of mourning the death of your child, celebrate the life of your child because your child probably would want you to be sad.  That lady's daughter was 18 years old and he reminded her that she should celebrate the 18 years of life she had instead of the one day that caused her so much pain.  I don't know if you believe in God, but let me offer you this, weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  Seek God during your time of grief and he will turn your tears of sorrow into tears of joy.  The joy of the lord is your strength, let his joy be the strength that gets you through each day!  I'm praying for you!
1098916
Reality hit "home".  Also, one of the stages of grief, is anger.\nAllow him to rant, without delving into politics. \nWar seems like such an abstract thing, until you find yourself having made the ultimate sacrifice of your child.\nHis feelings may change in time, and, they may not.  It's something he has to come to terms with, on his own.  And in his own time.\nJust be supportive of him in this time of need.  He may thank you someday for being a caring, "bleeding -heart liberal".  His Republican friends may be spewing the usual "gave his life for his country" type of thing...which, as a father, he may not want to be hearing right now.
307695
Your late husband will ALWAYS know what is going on with you and his boys.  He still loves you, and wants you all to be happy.  If (and when) you meet another man, know that he understands.  He is gone, but you still have a life to continue with.  I can not say I know how you feel.  If I lost my husband, I would have a VERY hard time going on without him.  You have 2 sons to live for and help thru this awful time.  God love you all.
163756
First I'd like to express my condolences for your family's loss. People deal with grief in different ways, especially children who may not know exactly how to express how they're feeling. I think it would be beneficial to you and your kids to get some grief counseling to help you all sort through your feelings during this tough time. It would be good to go as a family for support, but individual sessions could be beneficial as well.
577020
My husband lost his mother when he was very young, and was never allowed to grieve that loss.  His brother died a month before we got married, which was very hard on him.\n\nWe've had 3 miscarriages and no living children, and we both really want children.\n\nEvery loss brings up the loss of his mother for him.  It's been really hard.\n\nWe go to a support group for parents who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss.  One thing they tell you early on is that less than 50% of couples who lose a child stay married.  \n\nIt hasn't been easy, but we're still here.  We've both learned and grown from the experience.\n\nHappiness, like peace, is not dependent upon circumstance, but attitude of heart and openness to letting it in.\n\n"Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  ~  Unknown
520174
been there and i know its hard but trust me with each passing day it will get easier.its almost like losing a parent or child the hurt you feel but you must go on for yourself and others that love you. i know it doesn't help now but you will see in time.
620244
I know exactly how you feel and yes it is normal to feel sad and maybe even a little angry that she had to die in a such a terrible tragic way especially being a young mom... I lost my friend in a car accident a long time ago and still think about her often she was too young didn't even have a chance to have children and she would have made a great mother. But the pain does start to go away eventually and you should just try to remember the good times and if possible try to be their for the children she left behind and tell them what a great person and friend she was to you and everyone else.... That way no one will ever forget her....
1007352
I lost my father at the age of 16.. not only did it send me into an emtional and mental spiral... it affected my work, my hobbies, friends, self-image, you name it.. i started to go down hill at it.\n\nYou will NEVER "get over" the loss of that loved one.. nor will you ever forget them.    \n\nI however, believe that eveything happens for a reason, when the Lord says....."child come home"....... nothing matters, the age, sex, how much they are need here on earth, how "you" feel it wasn't there time.   Everyone is taken when they are...because that is the will of God.\n\nI pray for you...  peace and contentment, strength and understanding.  I hope that through these tough times that you face now and will continue to face some happiness and good can come of this.  Do not be mournful or feel sorrow....   for stuggle is ordained, as is life and death.    \n\nRemember them for who they were, what they did and how they touched you...   do not fill you life with resentment and bitterness trying to understand.  \n\nGet a journal, talk to a counselour... confide in your family and friends.     They are there for you!\n\nPeace & Love
656174
It depends on many things, I hope the info below will help to some degree, I lost my dad when I was 15 and wish I had this info.
813422
My deepest sympathies for your loss. It is easy for us to tell you it is all in God's plan... but when tragedy happens at our door step its not such an easy bullet to bite.\n\nIt IS OK to feel angry with God, I assume you are Christian, and in Christianity God calls himself the Father. \n\nIn human terms, sometimes our human parents will do something to us and for us, beyond what we can see, like limiting our TV time so that we can complete our schoolwork or help us save our money for college and in the mean time we do notget to buy the really expensive Dress from Prada.\n\nIn saying so, I cannot say for sure God has a plan or what that plan is, but if your beloved father placed full trust in God, then I am thinking you would too... seeing sometimes God gives us situations that we do not like... as a Child my TV time was like a Pot of Pure Gold. I did not see the value of homework and such. \n\nNow that the loss of your Dad is so arresting... maybe its God's whisper to you to continue serving him by honoring your mom? God takes care of your Dad in heaven, while you be the caretaker of yourself and your mom on Earth, until you are able to have a family reunion once again somewhere in the future.\n\nWho is to say, that your loss does not propel you to be as great a man as your Daddy once was, the hundreds if not more people he had inspired as a minister towards faith in the Divine, Love towards Humanity and Devotion towards his Family? Maybe God has great plans in store for you and for greatness to be won, all the sages and prophets of the past had to go through much trials and tribulations, like the forging of a lump of raw iron into a pristine Sword that protects the weak and defends those in despair.\n\nMaybe YOU are going to be that Sword, it doesn't diminish the severity of your loss, but this loss can be used to strengthen you more or degenerate you, the choice is in your hands... \n\nBe Angry! Be upset! Mourn! But once you are more at ease, Heal! Honor those around you... Love those who are with you... and honor the momory of your late father by being as wonderful a man as I am sure he was... For no man can invoke such great devotion and love from a child, unless he himself was truly a great man...\n\nHope all will be well soon.
255588
I lost my son 10 years ago on Nov.25 and I still think of him daily. It took a long time but now when I think of him I can laugh at the warm good times we had and it doesn't hurt so sharply. I know the pain and it is almost a physical thing, isn't it? It starts in your stomach and it feels like you want to scream and scream and scream. This will pass. He knows you love him. Trust that fact. And you will always love him trust this fact. And you will see him again when it is time to do so. Until that time you are responsible to him not to waste the life you have grieving for his loss of life because his life began again that day. He is in a wonderful place, God can take a lot better care of him than you or I ever could. He has all the answers. I know how much you miss him , and I believe they miss us too. He is busy and so should we be. the time till we are with them will seem shorter that way and we will be doing what is our reason to still be here, that is to be busy and to love others by giving help to those we can help. Bless your heart and Bless your Loving Parents heart. It will all be answered someday and you can trust that fact also.
724364
Coping with the Condition is not coping with the child. \n\nIts an ever learning experience no matter how many years your family has had it. (yes I said family because its one of the ways to 'cope'.) \n\nGet and stay involved. Groups, camps anything to help your little one understand they are not alone in this venture. :)
573523
I'm really sorry for your loss. What could it hurt to try the counseling? If it helps you then at least you can get some help dealing with this and if it doesn't help then at least you have made an effort. I used to babysit a woman's children every week while she went to grief counseling but it was a group meeting and it really did help her. I would suggest a group counseling so that you can have support from others that actually do understand what you are going through.
463891
I lost my daughter and it was the single most devestating thing in my life. She was 13. It has only been alittle over 2 years yet in many ways it still feels like yesterday. Many people think that if they talk about death and dying that it might happen to them. We seem to go about life not thinking about death, until that is it knowcks on your door. I have decided that when it first happens you don't know how to deal with that kind of pain so it's really unbearable and soul ripping. With time you learn to deal with the pain, it will never go away, you just learn to deal with it. I have read a couple of books that are really fantastic one deals with the grieving process, and is called\nGrieving the Pain and the Promise, written by Deanna Edwards published by covenant communications, it is really an eye opener and actually makes alot of sence. I was ready to start taking medicine to deal with my grief when my husband brought the book home for me to read. It made a big difference.\n\nThe second is called THE MESSAGE by Lance Richardson, it is one that I would recommend to anyone who want to feel a connection to those whom they've lost. It is published by American Family Publishers you can order a copy for 12.95 by calling 1-208-522-2975  both of these I have given to other families who have lost a loved one. They are great.\n\nYour concern for this girl is commendable. Never doubt you heart when you want to reach out to someone in need. I agree with the things that you have said. I hope your girl is able to find peace and comfort. It will come, it just takes time.