This is a question for someone who has been married for a long time.?
605624
I have been married for just over 9 years, together for 11 and have 4 children. We faced similar trials recently, we lost our house almost the car and were behind on a lot of bills. Divorce was never an issue, it will not solve any of those problems and if you agree on everything than you agree on that also. Sometimes you just have to lose everything to see what is really important... your family and their well being. You can always rent, get extent ions on the bills if you ask for help. It has been just about 2 years since everything seemed to go wrong for us, financially, but we are stronger and more aware of our money, emotions and the important stuff that always seemed to get lost before. It does get better. Keep your head up and stick it out.
1058963
Now my spouse makes me feel complete. It only took 30 years. All I can say is you have to compromise. If you fight, you can't leave , you can ignore each other until everything cools down. I watched my sibblings leave their spouses time and time again, they always went back. That was time wasted. Work things out. There are no 2 people perfectly compatable. You have to work at it. Even now , we are not even 80% compatable, but there was no way, even 10 years ago that I was gonna start over. You probably found the right person, but how would you know , now? Good luck.
965254
Good morning, dearheart. Good for you. here's my take on gay marriage. I've been married to the same wonderful lady for the last 26 years. She drives OTR semi for a living and I'm a housewife. We both wear wedding rings and feel as married as the next heterosexual couple but I can get none of her health benefits. How my union is hurting society I can't fathom as our relationship has been monogamous for all of it's 26 years and that same union has lasted longer than many heterosexual marriages. There are couples on the LGBTQ site here that have been together for over 40 years (which is a great thing in its own right) How can their love be hurting anyone? Good luck and Blessings on you.
310016
You've obviously dedicated yourself to your spouse if you've been married for 35 years, so congrats on a very successful marraige. It's a perfectly normal part of human nature to reflect on what could have been. It sounds like you left a small part of yourself with this other person. There is no shame in remembering happy times with another person, but if it gets to the point of obsession then you should think about speaking with someone in the mental health field. If you aren't that far gone just enjoy your fond memories, while focusing on the good memories you have with your spouse.
918770
Do yourself a favor and stop the relationship immediately. If he hasn't changed his ways in the last 7 years, he isn't going to start now.  You cannot change people, they have to want to be different, and they have to want to make things better for themselves.  What is it about him that makes you want to stay with him?  And be HONEST with yourself.  Is it merely because you've been with him so long it's comfortable?  I hate to be this blunt, but you need to break this one off or you will just be very unhappy as a married woman, and I can almost guarantee you will end up a divorce statistic.
700615
I was just thinking tonite...God...how boring my marriage is....there is no romance..no love ...no communication....but...what do u do...leave...the thought of starting over again is scarey....but staying in a relationship that will not change is depressing...let me know if u figure it out....maybe that should be my next posting!  good luck
17448
For us, it has been work.  Lots and lots and lots of hard work.\n\nWhen we got married, I had an idea of what a wife should do, be like, etc. And, I expected her to be this person and our marriage to be a certain way.  So, after working at it for a year (and fighting constantly), I slowly realized that she is who she is and my expectations were wrong.  (She had to realize the same things about me.)  This is when we learned we have to work at communicating with each other and with ourselves. (You will have to learn who you truly are as well as who your mate truly is.)\n\nWe have been together almost 12 years now; she is my soul mate and we are very happy.  But, the communication and understanding that are needed are work.\n\nEvery few months, life will throw a new set of challenges at us and we will have to work at communicating well, understanding things 100% from the other persons point of view, not having emotional reactions to things without asking "Did you mean that way I heard it?" Then, once we have communicated and are in synch with each other, we can tackle the challenges of life together.  \n\nMarriage is not 50/50.  It is 100%/100%, and often you have to give your 100% first.  But, being able to become someones soul mate and their true love is an amazing blessing.  Just keep in mind that sometimes you have to give your 100% first and that is work.\n\nBeing truly in love when you get married is a great place to start growing your life long love together.    But, you have to work to grow life long love.  \n\nPlus, please remember to "actively love".  Don't just love someone and feel that is enough.  You have to pay attention to this person you are marrying, and learn what stresses them out, makes them happy, what they are great at, how best to be supportive,  and which of the family roles that mentally and emotionally hate but that you could do (I do the dishes, because she would rather be beat with a stick than wash another person's dishes.).  In other words, you have to learn who this person really is and how you can help make their life happier.  Ask yourself, "What can I DO, to make my mates life easier, happier, better, etc."  "Active love", which is paying attention to your mate and then doing things you can to improve their life, is also part of true love.\n\nForgive the long answer.  This is just the things we have learned in our 12 years together.  Every relationship is unique.  \n\nGood luck and best wishes to you both.
634795
Wow - you did good - for me and my wife it was 4 years.\n\nBasically we'd built up a whole load of junk and it was through a marriage course that we got it all cleared out and were able to love each other again.\n\nDetails of the nearest course can be found at:\n\nhttp://themarriagecourse.org/marriage/\n\nI cannot recommend it enough - it saved us from a very messy divorce.  And 3 years on we are still very much in love...
794898
wow!  I have been married to my husband for 9 years this January.  We have overcome some horrible conditions.  I do not want to go into detail here online.  However, I love my husband despite the things we have been thru.  Infidelity was not one of the issues, but we were involuntarily separated for 3yrs 8 mos.  We have been thru things with our ex's...just about anything that could go wrong has...Now, we are best friends and know each other inside and out.  Trauma brought us closer...it is often not that way in marriages.  We're blessed that way..I had to spend Thanksgiving alone again this year...but we will get thru this.  So, the answer is yes.  Despite everything and everyone, if you want to overcome, you will.
1128347
Well, as a wife and mother of 5 children and married for 23 yrs...I can honestly say love is unconditional and is sometimes a rollercoaster...if you are not already married, you still have a choice...but do know this friend..."what once was, can be again"...sometimes you have to return to your first love..the things you did...what you said...how you treated each other...now, if those "things" you refer to are harrassing, violence, and such...a sit down talk in a "neutral" spot is the answer there. Be honest if this must be done...be specific..& don't leave it "open ended"...like "we'll see"...I need space for now...needs to be clean cut...best of everything!
187724
I hear that. Thats the best fact I have heard in a while. Now just get my husband to relize that and i would be even happier. LOL married for 12 years and with him for 15. I think he forgot why he married me to begin with.
1156498
Happened to me. We have been married now for almost 4 yrs and we have 2 kids.
411694
My husband and I were married for just short of 4 years and together for a total of 12 when he passed away. Having been widowed for just over a year, I feel that I am at least qualified to offer my opinion on this subject. \n\nI have just started to think about dating here in the last month. It is difficult to say the least and you do have a tendency feel as though you are cheating on your spouse. \n\nThat being said, you have to think about what your husband would have wanted for you...would he really want you to spend the rest of your life pining away for him? And should the shoe have been other foot, what would you have wanted for him? These questions we must ask ourselves. \n\nAll things come in good time and grief and grieving are no exception it can take years to heal or it can take months, alot depends upon the type of death, be it unexpected or terminal illness. \n\nComing from the perspective of terminal illness, I can honestly say that a lot of my grieving was done prior to the actual event taking place. That, however does not mean that I don't miss my husband, I do, daily. But, we had these conversations for over 2 years and I knew what he wanted me to do. He felt I was too young and vibrant to spend the rest of my life alone and made me promise that when I felt ready, I would seek out another relationship. And to me, that spoke volumes regarding the depth of his love for me.
226827
How long have you been married to this man? If these aren't your children than aren't they little old for you to being everything for? I certainly would not let him treat me this way...K
1031269
I just celebrated my 1st anniversary and the first weeks after the wedding were anticlimactic and I too was unhappy.  The reason:  The wedding and preparations were over.   And I thought "is this it?"  Reality set in with a quickness.\n\nAs time has progressed and problems have occurred, I think back to why I married this man and everything gets better.  Through this year I have threatened to leave he has threatened to leave, we have discussed counseling but we have done none of the above.  \n\nNow we have settled into a routine where we once again love and respect each other and we look forward to the years to come.\n\nYes we lost that spark but there was still an ember and we have fanned it into a blazing flame.\n\nGood luck
637179
Been there done that...whats up with the 23rd year...Its alot of years, you'll never forget the past, my marriage was great the first 20 years, but I could see the dis-interest building as the months after pasted by...and she too felt she was no longer in love with me, however I later found out her interests were directed toward another...suggestions..Seek marriage council advice, put forth a 100% effort to resolve such conflict, and if it doesn't turn out happily ever after, if there ever was an ideal time to be single , its with a good job, no mortgage and your child a grown adult...very simular to my situation...its was 2 yrs separated and 3 years since divorce and those conditions were blessings in disguise.
238904
If it has been the same for 12 years why did you marry her.  You knew what you where getting into.