im 15 engaged 2 an 18 year old.i love him so much!but im scared to have sex with him,cuz i was raped yrs ago.?
597518
If he really loves you then he will understand your fears and be willing to wait until you are ready.  If he is not willing to wait until you are comfortable with this then you might want to question spending the rest of your life with him.
547590
Honey, please don't listen to what the first person wrote. You are not required to dress "conservetly" in order to have an expectation of being free from rape. It is not how a girl/woman dresses which determines if she may become a rape victem, OK? Nothing you do or don't do would make it your fault some sick perverted A-hole rapes. Rape has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with power and controll.\n\nNow, if you have real concerns about somebody hurting you at school, home or in your neighborhood, I suggest you go and talk to a school official right away. The school counselor would be a good person, or a teacher who you feel safe with or another person you have trust for. If you are safe at home, then I suggest strongly you discuss your fears with your parents. If you have good, decent, hardworking and loving parents, they would want you to take these fears to them. If you were my daughter and had these worries I would want you to come and talk to me.\n\nIf somebody has already touched you in a way you know you should not be touched, it is not your fault. Often those who do things wrong want those they did it to thinking they are responsible for what happened. This is to get you to stay quiet and not tell anyone what happened. Sometimes they will even threaten more harm to you or to harm your family. This is 99% of the time just a threat to get you to stay quiet. If you stay quiet though, they will think they can do this to you again, and maybe do more the next time.\n\nIt sounds like somebody has already done something innapropreate. It sounds like you need some help in getting away from this person. I really srtongly advise you to go to your parents or somebody in charge at school right away. I mean as soon as you read this. \n\nIt is NOT your fault, even if you kept quiet for a time or if you did not scream, or even if you were curious what it might be like. You are a young kid and anybody who would do such a thing took advantage of your young age. That is NOT your fault. It is normal to be curious, all kids are, but that is why it is so wrong for older people to touch kids in innapropriate manners. It is taking advantage of a normal curiousity kids have, normal developmental curiousness. While it is OK to be curious it is NOT OK for anybody to do anything innapropriate with a girl your age. OK? So don't feel any shame if something already happened. Just go and tell somebody so this person can't do anything more to you or to anybody else your age. You need to be reasrred that ALL the fault lies with anybody who would do anything remotely sexual with a girl your age. You are way too young for this sort of behaviors. You are an innocent kid and do not deserve to fear anything or anybody. \n\nI seriously believe something has already happened or you would not be so afraid of rape at your age. Kids your age just don't go around fearing rape for no reason at all. Unless somebody older in your family has put this fear in your head. If so, I want you to understand that there are not really that many bad people in the world. \n\nI will not tell you there are no bad people in the world. You know very well there are. However, there are just way more good, decent, kind, caring, hardworking people than bad people who hurt kids. Even amoung bad people, people who hurt kids are thought of as the worst sort of bad person. Even amoung bad people, people who go to jail for doing bad things, dislike those who would hurt kids. Those who hurt kids have to be kept away from the other people who did bad things, or those others will try to hurt the bad person who hurt kids. So, while there are people who break our laws, people who do some bad things, the number of them who hurt kids is much smaller than you think.\n\nNow, this does not mean there are not people who hurt children out there. There is. But if you take some safety percautions you should be fine. OK? If you don't go out after dark by your
640008
You just have to find the right moment to tell him, if you feel that you are now at a stage where you can trust him and you are 100% yourself then go ahead and tell and if he is a decent guy then he will be there for you all the way. can i ask is the reason you want to tell him because you want to start having sex with him? or you already at that stage with him and you just feel like you need to tell him? I can't help thinking that there is a bigger reason behind you wanting to tell him...but hey i may be completley of the mark!\n\noh and just for the record there is not something wrong with you because you call your self sexy woman and you have been raped, i think its great that you can see yourself as a sexy woman again, i have a friend who was raped years ago and she still has no self esteem or anything what so ever...so i say good on ya that your picking yourself up again after going through onr of the most traumatic things life can throw at you!\n\nerm i just have to bring this up coz i just noticed all the other questions you previously asked and one was that your boyfirend treats you like his whore?! have you had counselling for this rape? hun it sounds to me as if you have actually gone for a guy who treats you the way you actually feel inside....you also asked how do you know if your boyfirend is cheating on you?! this does not sound like the kind of bloke you wann be with....please be careful about anything you do now and GET HELP!!! It will do you so much good in the long run!
337661
I wouldn't know, I was raped when I was a little girl & so my first time at 16 did not feel like it hurt. That's too bad to have had that taken away. Oh well, life goes on. I'm sure it hurts though, and the anxiety of the moment probably doesn't help either.
278515
The only thing you can do is be honest about what happened, and tell her how hurt you are that she does not believe you.\n\nYou should also talk to a rape crisis center so they can help you deal with what happened, they will give you the support you need and not judge you. \n\nBlessed be,\n\nGypsy
449109
What really matters is if youe a teen or older. But another thing is that if he really felt something for you he wouldn't have done that.  My girlfriend and i have been dating for 2 years.  when i found out she was molested and raped as a child i just tryed to help her out.  I really stuck it out and we're still together. so dont worry he was a jerk for leaving you.
42210
i was 18, we were together 4 years. hun, your body is not ready to have sex yet. and you know what, you can only lose your virginity once. it never comes back, you never have a second chance. if you have sex with this guy, i GUARANTEE you he will break up with you shortly afterwards. then, when you are older you meet the one, you get serious. you cannot lie and say you are a virgin, cause once you have sex he'll be able to tell. a man will respect you so much more if you hold out (in the long run). it's hard to tell whose the one to lose your virginity too the only way to make sure is to make them wait, and wait and wait. it will be worth it. i started dating my fiance at your age and made him wait 4 years. he has even told me if i would have given it up easy he wouldn't have respected me and we wouldn't still be together. people may pick on you but that's normal in school. i guarentee you these people picking on you are gonna end up with a std or pregnant before you get out of high school! another thing to look at... you start at 14.  even if  you have sex with people after 6 months to a year cause you feel so strong about them. now that doesn't work out because guys at this age are all about the sex and having it with as many girls as possible. that is 1 to 2 people a year you have sex with. no big deal to you now but imagine when your 25, 30! hun just do your self a favor, put your head in those books, become a strong independant woman and worry about the sex later. the emotional part of sex lasts longer. it takes minutes to lose your virginity and it may be something you regret the rest of your life.\nI am 21! i'm not old, just seen all my friends make the wrong decision and had to listen to them bitch about it all the time.
182776
Sounds like he likes you....and don't be so anxious to grow up, have sex and all that jazz.  I know you feel as a teenager that your life stinks and you want more freedom...but trust me... you have 5 yrs left to be a teenie bopper b4 you have responsibilities and bills and you get to do that for 50+ years!! Try to enjoy this time and take it SLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWW :)  best of luck hun!
255919
The question wasnt too clear but what ive gathered is that you like a guy and were playing a sexual game which you wanted to stop and he kept going anyway. if not disregard my answer. Obviously this game is over so if he took it the whole way and you said no you were raped. rape is not cool no matter how much you like someone and you should report it. If he did stop but touched you in ways you didnt want then you need to use your judgement as far as how violated you feel. since you started the game together you could always tell him that you felt he went too far and that you do like him but that he should respect you enough to stop when you arent comfortable anymore. if it can be resolved like that great, if not then sexual harrassment charges can be filed.
875729
if you love and respect this guy you will hold off on this.  honor him for his respect of the law and of not wanting to put himself in a position to end up in jail. i understand you have feelings that are strong but imagine what you would feel like if he got locked up and made to register as a sex offender. i can assure you that if you two had to deal with those issues you would have gladly waited. i know its hard but hang in there, and know that before you know it you will be of legal age and the wait will be worth it!
840833
Hi Alayna:  My heart goes out to you for what you suffered when you were younger.  Many women who have endured abuse find it hard to trust men again, and have a hard time putting what happened in the past where it belongs - in the past.  A man can sense when a woman does not trust him, and most decent men have an inborn desire to protect a woman, not abuse her. Be warm and open, but cautious - there are still alot of creepoids out there.  Here is a website that I think you will find helpful - trauma survivors@googlegroups.com.  You can communicate with  other women who have  suffered the same abuse and rape trauma as you.  May God bless you and heal  your hurt, and help you move on to a happy life with a good, loving man.   JoAnn
356654
I'm sorry you are living in such fear, but you are letting him continue to harm you by living in that fear. He does not deserve to haunt you, instead he should have been punished. You did the right thing by telling and you should be proud of yourself for not being silent.\nPlease go your parents or another trusted adult and let them know how you feel. You need to go thru counseling and a support group to help you and how your feeling. \n\nI wish you the best of luck!
19372
More than anything, you risk never really being 14 again.  No matter how you think you feel about it, there is just no way you are ready to have a sexual relationship with anyone at 14.  You just don't have the emotional maturity or life experience necessary to understand all the risks of sex--and not just the physical ones.  We could talk at length about AIDS, STD's, and pregnancy, but those are the things you can prevent if you're careful.  It's the damage you'll do that's unavoidable that you have to really consider.\n\nIn life, there are many things worth waiting for.  I know at your age you think it'll take forever to be an adult, and you want to start now.  Believe me when I tell you that waiting for this until you know it's the right time, with the right person and for the right reason will make up for all of the anxiety you feel today.
1098789
You are absolutely not responsible for your rape.  Child molesters are methodical and manipulative.  Rape is about control and violence.  You could not have made it happen if you wanted to.\n\nI'm so glad snickelfritzcje could help you.  I'm glad you're feeling stronger and that this forum enables you to be brave enough to talk about it.  I hope that you grow in confidence so that you can seek counseling.\n\nI know many of us seem stuck on that idea, but I hope you gain the courage you need to work through this with a real live person with some background and training who can give you the help you deserve.\n\nI thank God for your help and healing thus far, and I beseech Him for your continued success and healing.
622420
You can not force anyone to do anything it's wrong and if you force her to have sex that is rape! Just be your self and supportive of her decision and when the time is right it will happen! Buy the way you type I would say you are to young to be concerned about a relationship so just be yourself be a teenager and wait till you are both ready!
906866
This may be hard to hear but he is too old for you.\nStick to your guns and don't let anyone force you into sex until you're ready.\nNot only let him sleep with others, push him right out the door to do it!!
842973
Go find another place to live.  It's obvious this person is bothering you.  If you're worried about being raped, it's a no-brainer -- LEAVE!!