Is it easier for you to forget or forgive? Or is it easier for you to do both. Do you  hold  on to grudges??!!
604899
It's not easy to forgive and forget.  But I will forgive but I just can not seem to forget.  I think as long as I have a memory and a mind that it is fully aware I will most likely never forget.  Yes I'm afraid I do hold grudges.  I don't want to be that way.  Like when my wife left me with outs having a vault reason.  I don't think I will ever forgive her or forget what she did to me.  To destroyed our family and took my children away from me with out a good reason... She said her reason was she did not love me and that she was going to save the family.  She destroyed my family  and it took me years before I could win my children back from drugs that she allowed them to do.  So some times I want to forgive her but then she's back at me.  Coming back her to live and trying to turn our children against me again.  She also demands to have some of her things back..This after leaving 16 years ago taking just about all my processions.  I will never understand her.  I know after 10 years of her being gone I didn't love her anymore.  I had tried to help her all I could and know she would have never made it without my help.  Yet she feels she's entitled to all that.  I want to forgive her and if I do I will never forget.  So yes it is hard to forgive and forget and not hold a grudge.\nCHUCK\n:--#  )
705945
Everyone says that it's a healing thing. The hard part of this is learning how to forgive. I thought I had achieved the fine art of forgiving, but recently resentment, anger and bitterness has reared it's ugly head again. The one that it hurts the most is the one that harbors these feelings. I've read a couple of books on forgiveness,, but reading and actually doing the forgiving seems next to impossible for me to accomplish...........:)
974712
never forgive\n\nnever forget
450161
Never! Grudges not only hold you down as a person, but can destroy your relationship with the other person.  Face them about the problem and get over it.  If they choose to hang on to the issue, it's now their problem-not yours, you already tried to resolve it with them.  Besides, aren't you better than that?  C'mon...  Grudges don't do anyone any good.
587355
Forgiving and Forgetting are NOT the same thing.  Too many people mistake forgiving as the same concept as forgetting.\n\nOne can forgive totally and never forget. How can we learn from our lessons if we keep forgetting the pain?  We can let go of the pain, but not forget the lesson/hurt.  \n\nI forgive if given time and space to do so.  But I cannot (and often will not) forget, as I want to remember my lessons.  Human brains are wired not to forget painful lessons.
1008841
well i cannot erase the past nor spend time wishing i could and yes i wish i could too. No do-overs in life. so what i am left with is how i chose to deal with these issues in life that will get me through. carrying around mental baggage is a stumbling block in life. freeing ones self is the key to absorb the better things in life i need to concentrate on.
230797
Yes for most people. Giving someone else a second chance also says a lot about yourself. Some things simply cannot be forgiven, but they tend to be things of a violent nature. Try to forgive and forget when posible.
290451
You'll be able to forgive easier once you are disentangled from the relationship.  Forgiveness is noble, but so are boundaries.  You need to make the situation such that you are getting your own needs met.  After that, what the other person is doing won't affect you as much.
791203
You either make a decision to forget or to hold a grudge forever. She did those things in the past, and I assume has apologized and made up for it... so now the ball is in your court and it is up to you to forgive or to not forgive. You need to make a decision soon though, otherwise you'll just be in this bad-feeling state of mind. The choice to forgive is always the better one too, but I'm sure you know that.\n\nNow, how do you forgive her? You try to understand it and realize that it was in the past and that people change and make mistakes and you accept it and forgive it.
502618
You can not "forget" about the past...it is stored in your memory either up close, or way in the back dimly.  Where you store it is up to your own ability to cope.\n"Forgiveness" is not "forgetfulness".\nForgive means to learn from what happened.  Become aware that the culprit is a sorry person that even if they do know better, have little personal control, therefore are pitiful, and need your pity.  Even when they hurt you, try to realize, that they will most likely NEVER know the beauty of not even wanting to hurt others.  They know no peace and goodness in their soul.  They ARE tormented by things they do, and as the years go by it adds up and makes them meaner and meaner.  Ergo the need for Christ...\n(whether you "believe" in Him or not...you NEED to believe in Forgiveness, or you're trapped in your own filth forever).\nForgiveness also evokes bodily chemicals that keep our immune systems strong, and keeps us healthy.  So the act of forgiving if for YOU, not for the culprit.  It is something you do inside yourself for yourself for your health emotionally and spiritually. "Retaliation" is doing what the culprit did and can put you in the same boat if you're not careful...i.e. the use of our political law system, allows retaliation without guilt.  (Never mind the system doesn't work properly < not the topic here).\nYes, they SAY mean people live forever, but do they live well?  Are they healthy?  Rarely.  They might live long, in and UNhealthy way as a sort of earthly punishment...because they seem to control all else around them with their meanness, they can not control disease.\n\nGod did not forgive the devil.  God is in a bet with the devil whether all of mankind will become either evil, kill themselves off, OR become Godly as the Almighty.\n[Gee, wonder which direction we're going???]\nWhen God wins (uh, don't think that'll be tomorrow) then God will finally punish the devil by casting him into eternal fire.  Forgiveness is not for God, it is for YOU.\n\nHistory classes?  You are questioning why we want to learn from the past.  duh...so that we can take measures to keep bad things from happening again as much as possible.\nHistory:  Man made fire and put his hand into it, and got his hand burnt. Man learned to make a tool to deal with items around a fire, so as to not get burned again. He taught his children to use the tool and never have to get burned.  So is not everything like that?.\n\nForgive the idiot that hurt you or yours.  But do use the law where needed.  If they broke a law, send the authorities after them.  Forgive the idiot, and thank God YOU're not such an idiot, and say to yourself:  "There go I were it not for how I learned not to do those things.  Poor idiot is not as lucky as me."\n\nBe healthy in your mind, body and spirit.\nI wish you LOVE
820065
Forgiving is good, grudges are bad. Forgive the person for yourself, if for no other person or reason. Besides, one day, you'll do or say something you'll need someone to forgive for, and you'll be hoping for the forgiveness. No one is perfect. We're just human.
794104
Forgiveness here is the answer it comes from whom you are but look at Jesus he forgives all because he knows all he died on the cross for all so they can have eternall life and so they know god loves us so much he died for us. I say this to Forgive one is to forgive urself. to love is to love ur self. is it better to forgive or hold a grudge it is better to forgive i tell u for no one is perfect. if u forgive god forgives u it comes from with in u it is the spirit.
791594
Not always.  Sometimes it takes a lot of praying for me to become willing to forgive.  Best I can claim is that I keep trying.
969383
oh come on man, forgive and forget...
267595
I know how you feel. There is one fellow from a long time ago who was tormented as a child as I also was. One time, our collective tormentors goaded us into fighting one another, promising to end the torment of whichever one of us won.\n\nI have felt badly for years that the one I should have had the most empathy for was the one I ill treated, not our tormentors. \n\nBut does finding that person and apologizing make them feel better - or you? I asked myself that question, and realize that it would be of little benefit to the person I feel accountable to - it would only assuage my guilt. All I would be doing would be bringing up a long-past horror I know I don't care to remember. \n\nIf this person was ever going to forgive you, chances are they already have. Don't make them relive something simply for your benefit. Unless you were actually planning on reestablishing a relationship with  this person, take your lumps privately. It is the only decent thing to do.
105997
I had that problem as well for a while so I sat down and wrote out what I thought on it from what I knew and learned.  It's long so bear with it...\n\nWhat is forgiveness?Each person has their own definition of it. To some it is never talking about it again. For others its pretending whatever it was never happened. Still others think its absolution of guilt and minimizing what happened. Still others it means giving up thoughts of revenge. Finally, some feel it is as simple as giving up the hate. Which is right?\nOK, let’s start somewhere else… Firstly, why SHOULD you forgive? Is it really necessary? That is dependant a lot of you and your school of thought. Most Christians point to the phrases in the bible and say it’s gods plan. Others are more apt to put forth the proposal that is makes you a better person. But does it? Is it truly necessary to forgive someone to grow? My personal belief is this; it depends on what you are forgiving. Some things are small and don’t really mean that much so it’s not a big deal, forgiveness is easy there. But what about bigger things? Things that affect your life and your mental health? That is where it gets more complex… Anger, hatred and rage are there for a reason some times, all of us have felt them at some point in time, they are normal. They are there to tell you something is wrong and you need to work through it. Depending on the offense forgiveness isn’t automatic. It takes time. Sometimes forgiveness is NEVER warranted, EVER. Think about it, why should you forgive someone that isn’t the least repentant for what they did to you? Then there are truly evil acts that should never warrant forgiveness. Yet as mature adults we, mostly from teachings when we were small children, feel that we have to forgive someone no matter how heinous the crime. Step back a bit and think about that… Then ask yourself why? Why are you forgiving them? Is it because that is how you feel or is it because you were once told that is the proper thing to do? Which is it? What we are never taught as a child is that anger is healthy and the expression of such is right, we sometimes have a reason to feel that anger. And to get better that anger is needed. Only after you have worked through that stage should you consider forgiveness. Even then sometimes you don’t need to forgive someone. I hear the gasp from here so bear with me… Why should you have to forgive someone when you don’t feel it is warranted? The answer is you shouldn’t. There is nothing in this world that tells you it’s a requirement. Think about it; aren’t there some things done that don’t ever warrant it? No, forgiveness doesn’t make you better than them, really it doesn’t. Forgiveness will not get you into heaven faster. Forgiveness won’t make what is done to you go away. Forgiveness truly can only come when YOU are ready for it, not before. If that never happens then so be it. Just because you don’t and can’t forgive someone doesn’t mean you are filled with hate and rage, it just means you are unable to make that step because you don’t feel it is warranted, no other reason.\nSay you are ready to forgive someone for something fairly big, OK your ready to tell them all that and shine your halo a bit. But before it goes that far mayhap you should ask what their definition of it is. If it is we will never discuss it again, it never happened or that it’s an absolution of guilt back off! That is not forgiveness, they want you to forget it happened and let them off the hook. That is not forgiveness. Just because you FORGIVE them doesn’t take away their culpability in the matter or make it so it never happened. No way, doesn’t work like that. If they want absolution send them to church, that is the only place they will get it! No one ever said if you forgive them that you can’t ever talk about it, they just don’t want to is all. Forgive and forget is all wrong because as much as you try you will NEVER
50742
U may forgive the one by thinking that whatever happens....happens for good. \nAny way i liked this question as u have asked "How to forgive?" instead of "What punishment should be given to the person who takes ur money?" The person who forgives is always greater than than the person who takes revenge or gives punishment.