my ex-partner and i have been split for18 months now, she keeps still  using the kids as a weapon.?
605776
she is a very messed up woman and we have very messed up laws that dont protect the rights of fathers - there are some organizations out there that fight for the rights of fathers, you definately should contact them  - I doubt that your ex will see reason, but she is going to have to understand that the kids do need a father figure if she wants a healthy environment for them...
621062
Heres the thing man, I went through it to. There is nothing you can do; in respects to what she does with the money.  She does not have to provide and accounting to anyone of how she spends her child support check.  All she has to do is provide a home evironment for the child/children, you know feed and cloth them, get them to school ext.  If she is neglecting the children and you can prove it then call CPS or hire and attorney to take her back to court and win custody.   But before you do that, put yourself in the judges or a third parties shoes, how do you think others are going to see you case when you present what you have.  Most often emotions come in to play.  Good Luck
436816
Stop jumping half-cocked.  Did you push your husband to have an arguement with her . . . because it sounds like something a woman would do . . . fight with an ex- when they had a semi-descent relationship especially with the kids.\n\nBy having you husband confronting her . . . (on your behest) . . . she turned it that you two don't love his kids, whom she has major custody of.  I know it is untrue . . . but that it what it does look like by doing that . . . both to his kids and to the neighborhood.\n\nYou gave yourselves the black eye . . . \n\nWhat to do . . . live and let live . . . do not get overly involved with her . . . but since his kids are closer . . . maybe it is time for him to take a more active role with his children lives . . . . use the opportunity to repair the damage you both just did.\n\nShe could have thought . . . If I move closer to the children's father . . . maybe he will be more willing to see them . . . apparently not . . . with your reactions.  \n\nSelfish.
510097
Stay away- Trying to make contact will only make the situation worse.  Don't give her ammo.  It is hard but you have to play it by the law, for now anyways.  Fight for joint custody and go from there.  Let your wife go, for your childrens sake.  The children need to see a healthy happy father.  You know you tried and did what you could and that is what is important.
866558
It sounds like you are separated and she is an ex, so that part is good .. .\n\nNow you have your anger to deal with . . .\n\nTry seeing a counselor for a few sessions . . .it might help you clear out some of those emotions, and you will be ready for a new relationship sooner . . .
613172
First of all I cant stand my husbands ex either and 2nd of all if she talked to my kids like that i would have to whip her ass for sure! Just think of this he doesnt want her anymore you got him and she cant bear the fact he needs to say something to her and tell her to stay out of his life that he is happy now and that the only thing in thier lives is the kids! He should be the one telling her to butt out of your lives! He can talk to his lawyer and explain to him that she and her whole family are harrassing him and his new family and kids and it might help I feel for you girl cause I have been through hell with my husbands ex also! Do not let her and her family talk to your kids anyway at all DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!! You could tell the cops that they are harrassing your kids and hav ethem scare them some or put a restraining order against them! They are adults and they in noway should be saying anything to your kids!!!!!! and tell your BF if he cant take care of this problem with you then you have to move on with your life! I know how hard this is and Good Luck WHIP HER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
924951
If you don't believe that she is a threat to the well being of your children, perhaps its time to let the past go. I know that it's easier to say then it is to do, but little ones need both parents in their lives. Don't think of her as the person responsible for ruining your relationship, instead open yourself to the idea that it's one more person who will love your children. And come on in the end it is only the kids that matter.
976514
your kids will see in time what an idiot their father is being. dont curse him infront of the kids, rant to a friend, dont give your ex the attention he's craving by bringing up this matter, ignore it and be strong for your children. your new partner will have his own feelings about this matter, if he wishes to talk about it then get it out in the open, but avoid talking about this with the kids.
997971
O I know what you are going threw. My husband is the same way.He don't like it when i call my kids because he is afraid i will want to get back with my x.  Maybe try telling her that you love your kids and she can't stop you from talking to them.Let her know that it is your kids that you love not your x.
564404
Well congratualtions you are ahead of the game. If you know that she is doing these things, the most important thing is to document everyting. Get child services involved if you think she's treating the kids badly, but only as long as you are squeaky clean (otherwise you'll be opening a can of worms that you don't want). Clearly she is sneaky if she's cheating and you haven't caught her yet. If you can make a case that she is an unfit mother then you will probably get the kids. If however in the future she turns her life around and starts doing the right things there is a chance that she could get the kids back. But right now if it is really is truly in your kids best interest to be with you then they should be. Go see an attorney and find out what the laws are in your particular state.  Good Luck!
643257
Yes, of course your right...Umm since when does a snooty nosed 15 year old girl get off giving adults orders, especially to you whom she has absolutly no connection with. And because she is only a minor, there is no court on this planet that would even consider giving her any custody rights whatsoever as she has no connection with you or your child. Hell, your ex is also in the sh#t for mandatory rape, if he's going out with this girl and doing the business with her. If I were you, I would move away from all of them to give you at least a mental rest, they all sound like hicks and do you really want your child growing up around people like that. If she continues to do this, I think you need to ring the police yourself and tell them about the situation between this girl and your ex, or ring up a mental health team to come out and get her, she sounds pretty bonkers.
1017931
I've been there. \n\nDon't abandon your children. If you really are the better parent, get custody and cut her out of your lives as much as you can. \nRetribution will never work. She is the mother of your children, any retribution against her is retribution against them. No matter how old a person is, thier mother is still part of them, and they are still a part of her.\n\nLosing the house sucks, but , Dude, it's a house. Just a place. the memories of it are in you. In your heart and mind. She can't touch that. \n\nBest advice I can give.... Don't expect to get over it. Divorce is like death only worse.  The person you gave your heart and life to is dead, and some other evil warped person has taken thier place. Like Night of the Living Dead or something. How can anyone ever get over that?  That pain will probably never go away. \n\nThe good bit is that eventually you will learn to cope with it.\n\nBelieve me, you are not alone in your pain. There are sooo many of us out there sufferring the same way you are. \nIt make me wonder sometimes how anything so simple sounding as "divorce" can wreck so many lives.
831823
Gossip is just gossip... It derives its power from denial.  Tell the truth, speak of the abuse.  Tell your kids, which is the truth, that you no longer could live with your ex (or soon to be ex). Don't burden them with the reasons why, then they will take sides even more than they have.  Just tell them that you still love them and they will always have you.  And tell them that sometimes adults are better parents separately than when they were together.\n\nSure your ex is going to bad moth your to your kids and others but if you continue to rise above the accusation long enough your kids will learn by example that they can rely on you, and that is the most important thing.  Once they gain that perspective, things are likely to return to normal.\n\nWith everyone else, own up to it.  If you do that, it will soon become yesterday's news.  there is not a single person who have thought of stepping out on their "significant other" at some time.  The guilt of those thoughts are the basis of their gossip.  it makes them feel better than they really are.
255280
coming from a woman point of view that has been where your wife is,"yes the same reasons get tiresome to the ear and heart,we have to leave with the kids somewhere safe until everything dies down and you calm down from being so angry! when we go as far as a restrain order,trust me it's not because we don't love you it's because were afraid,and we do what we can to protect the children as well as ourselves. I'm not upholding you for your wrong doing,yes you need time to get yourself together and give her time to regroup,and maybe she'll forgive you,but remember time brings about a change!get yourself together keep your hands to yourself,stay in counseling and let GOD work on you too!I am a firm believer that she hasn't thrown away 13 years overnight with kids.I pray that it works out between the both of you,but she has the say,now she's in con troll!! good luck "T"
1039072
My ex pulled stuff too. Your ex will probably get away with it. Just concentrate on the custody. People like your ex will find a way of getting out of paying and you don't want someone like him raising your child.
138991
Well, I just left the guy that I was with.  At first I had a really hard time dealing with him.  He made my life miserable and he f'd up a lot of opportunities that I had.  I hated him so much, but I practiced a lot of restraint and didn't let my anger take over the situation because we had a child together.\nIt sucks that she is being so hateful toward you, especially since you have a child together and you'll always have to deal with each other.\nI do not know what happened between the two of you, but here is what I would suggest if you really want to help things smooth out between the two of you so that you can sucessfully co-parent together.  I would say:\nI am sorry for the things that happened between us, that things did not work out, and I respect that you have hard feelings and that you are angry with me.  I want to give you the space that you need to work through this and I will be willing to talk if you need to.\n\nThen from there, you really have to be willing to hear her out and don't interupt her when she tells you how she feels about you or what happened, don't try to justify anything, just let her vent.  It will help her to move on.  You guys are obviously not going to be friends anytime soon, but that's not the point, just make sure there is ample opportunity to discuss anything child related and leave it at that\n\nMost likely she is so mean because she is hurt that the relationship is ended. She resents you and with time it will hopefully get better, but unfortunatly there are women out there who never let it go and the best thing to do is to let them think they are right.  Remember, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...\nJust be the best father you could be, your kid is all that really counts anymore.\nDon't let her drag you into arguements about anything because if things get nasty, anything you say could later be brought up against your nature if you go to court over custody.\nBe the better person.
57573
It sounds like she's dependent on him, or he may have threatened to take the kids from her...it could be any number of things.  But cowards like him control women with fear, so whatever is keeping her there, I bet there's a threat behind it. Look in your phone book (yellow pages) for a domestic violence hotline in the area for her to call and just be there as much as possible for her.  Also, make sure he doesn't know you're helping her. He could try and get information from you if/when she finally breaks free of this jerk. You're a good friend. Best of luck,\nK.