does any one know any priceless jokes?
603668
Why did the blonde sniff Sweet N Low?\n\nShe thought it was diet coke.\n\n((no offense to lbonde.. it's just really funny)
876037
my favorite joke is \nThree boy walked into a Candy shop.\nThe first boy said can I have ten cents worth of licorice\nSo the clerk took out a ladder and reached to the highest shelf and brought out 5 pieces of licorice and the clerk put the ladder away\nThe second boy said can I have ten cents worth of licorice the clerk sighed and brought back out the ladder and reached to the highest shelf and gave him 5 pieces of licorice and put the ladder back up with another 5 pieces of licorice for the third boy\nThen it was time for the third boy to get candy so the clerk said let me guess ten cents worth of licorice too but the boy said no 20 cents worth of licorice \n My favorite song is \nLondon Bridge by Fergie
931095
Those are wonderful, I have a little party coming up with a few girlfriends and their men. These jokes will be great to tell to them. These are the perfect ones, they're short and totally sweet!!  Thanks I hope you don't mind me stealing them.
1001719
I don't know the longest list, but I did manage to find one here: http://www.ehumorcentral.com/Directory/Jokes/674.html\n\nI've put it down again in the sources, if Yahoo edits out the full address :)
1071877
LOL Thanks. Good joke!   ;)\n\n(you did a good job weeding out the humorless too!)
459430
*Two men walked into a bar and the other man ducked.\n\n*A duck walked into a pet store and asked the guy behind the counter "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it. And the next time I see you in here, I'm gonna nail your beak to the floor."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any nails?"\n"No," the guy said.\n"Good," said the duck, "you got any duck food?"\n\n*One day, a man died and went up to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter asked him "Did you do any good deeds in your life?"\n"Well," said the guy, "I rescued an old lady from a gang of robbers."\n"Hey, that's great!" St. Peter said, "when did you do that?"\n"Oh, about five minutes ago."\n\n*One day, three men were in a cave and they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it, and a genie came out and gave each of them one wish.\n"That's easy," the first guy said, "I'd like to be ten times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly ten times smarter.\n"That's nothin'" the second guy said, "I'd like to be a HUNDRED times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly a hundred times smarter.\n"Nah, I got all you guys beat," the third guy said, "I'd like to be a THOUSAND times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He turned into a woman.\n\nAnd the inevitable dumb blonde joke (NOTE TO ALL BLONDES: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND. I AM MERELY REPEATING A JOKE I HEARD ONCE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE):\n\n*One day, a dumb blonde decided she was sick of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair brown and go for a long drive. She drove out to the countryside, where there were farms; one of these had sheep. She thought to herself "oh, how cute! I want a sheep!" So she went to the farmer and explained her request. \nThe farmer thought for a minute, then said "well, girly, tell you what. I'll let you have one of my sheep if you can guess how old I am."\nThe blonde thought about it for awhile, then finally said "66!"\n"By god, you're right!" The farmer said, astounded. He didn't really expect her to guess it, but since she did, he allowed her to pick out a sheep. So she picked one out and drove off, the sheep in the back. Suddenly, she saw the farmer behind her, chasing her car and waving frantically. She slowed down, and the farmer caught up to her and tapped on the window.\nShe rolled it down, and the farmer said "If I can guess what color your hair really is, then can I have my dog back?"
614053
By far, best blonde joke I think I've ever heard.  (Tt is long, and I have used it before on Y!Answers.)\n\nCertain words have been changed to protect the censors.\n\nOkay so it's Dec. 24th and a postman is starting his walking route.  He comes to the the first house and opens the mailbox and there is a envelope inside that says "mailman" on it.  He opens it, it's a $10 bill with a note that says have a nice Christmas.  He proceeds to the next house and there is a card that says "mailman" which he opens to reveal $20.  He thinks to himself, "Wow, this is going to be a good day!"  He comes to the third house and there is a note: Mailman, knock on the door for your Christmas present.  He knocks and the door swings open to reveal a beautiful naked blonde woman.  She grabs him, pulls him inside and well... anyway, the censors are watching, but you get the Idea.\n\nAs he is putting his clothes back on the blonde woman disappears for a minute into the kitchen and brings back a tray with a huge breakfast on it.  Biscuits, gray, bacon, eggs, the works.  He's like WOW, thanks and proceeds to eat it.  \n\nHe glances at his watch and says, thank you, but I have to get going.  As he is moving to the door the blonde hands him a dollar and says Merry Christmas.  He's looks at the dollar and then at her and says no thanks, 'maam, you've done enough!  She says, oh no, you have to take it, it's my husbands idea.  The mailman pauses, "You husbands Idea?"  "Yeah," she says, "Last night I asked him if I should do anything for the mailman for Christmas and he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar,' breakfast was MY IDEA!"
834192
OMG .................. excellent and really well thought out ..... LOL\nThanks for sharing once again and hope you post more jokes
847459
LOL that was a good one and for once it wasn't to long to read sometimes i can never be bothered to finish the joke coz there so long!\nThanks for the laugh xx
892716
Here's one for you:\nThere's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs." \n\nHere's another:\nTwo men are sitting at a bar, one turns to the other and says:"I f*cked your mom."\nThe bar goes silent as everyone looks at the two men to see what is going to happen.\nOnce again, the first man repeats:"I f*cked your mom."\nTo which the other man replies:"Shut up dad, you're drunk."
34268
Don't laugh ok?  Really, don't even think about laughing!  I am not funny...I have not jokes, don't laugh---ok- heres a little one but dont laugh!\n\nA guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.\n \n"You talk?" he asks.\n \n"Yep," the Lab replies.\n \n"So, what's your story?"\n \nThe Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I pretty young and I wanted to help the government,\nso I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with\nspies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping I was one of their most valuable spies for\neight years running.\n \n"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed\nup for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening\nin.\n \nI uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm\njust retired."\n \nThe guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.\n \n"Ten dollars." The guy says,\n \n"This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"\n \n"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that!"
755859
that was toooooooo good , i wish i could think of jokes that good. hahahahahahah rotfl lol, lmfao
622218
Great one PD!\n\n\nI've got one:\n\nBill Gates goes to hell and Devil gives him a choice among 3 rooms and says that everything in the room will be totally replaced on each morning like the first day. 1st room has 3 demons with baseball bats in hand. 2nd room has fire everywhere. 3rd room has only a table with chair. On the table there is a computer and 6 wine-bottles and a glass.\nMr. Gates goes to room 3. Later, St. Peter asks Devil for this comfort of Mr. Gates. Devil smiles, "The computer has Linux OS with lots of spywares and viruses & not internet connectivity. The glass, as well as the bottles, have a hole at the bottom! Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha..."\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n--- ► λ ◄
803662
HAHAHAHAHAHA i never answer jokes...i just read them....but this one is supreme...you reeeeallly got me man!
766571
lol, it was a very cheesey joke. . .but i laughed anyway lol, ive had a really bad day >_< i need jokes brign them on!! please??
1130733
Thankyou!I just read the joke.The Three Men from one of your other questions.I literally almost fell out of my chair it was hilarious.
866999
Real Funny.\n\nRead this one\n\nThe Deaf Genie\n\nA man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the\nbag on the counter.\n\nThe bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.\n\nThe man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one\nfoot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag\nand pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.\n\nHe reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench,\nwhich he places in front of the piano.\nThe little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful\npiece by Mozart!\n\n"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.\n\nThe man responds by reaching into the paper bag.\nThis time he pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and\nsays..."Here. Rub it."\n\nSo the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke\nand a beautiful genie is standing before him.\n\n"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is allowed only one!"\n\nThe bartender gets really excited.\n\nWithout hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"\n\nA few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.\nIt is soon followed by another duck, then another.\nPretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!\n\nThe bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's\na little deaf...I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."\n\n"Tell me about it!!" says the man...\n\n"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"\n\nBYE - Imtiyaz G