what can I do about my marital problems.?
603216
Sweetheart, I went through years of hell with a man just like that; I stayed for my kids, and threw my life away.  I waited till the youngest was 15, then left.  My kids ALL said "what the hell took you so long- why didnt you leave him years ago", and when I said I had stayed for them, they called me all kinds of stupid, because they had been really unhappy and ashamed because everyone knew their father was a lush. I am 65 now, and just getting my life back.  What you have there is a self-centred, cold, thoughtless bastard who doesnt give a damn about you or the kids, hon, or he wouldnt treat you like a walking paypacket/ servant.  If you gave up your job and stayed at home what would he call you when he couldn't afford his drink and drugs?? YOU HAVE A LIFE; he has ruined his, dont let him ruin your OR your kids Get out of there girl; wheres YOUR anchor- he thinks its in your head, doesnt he? What this guy needs is an anchor tied round his neck and a swimming lesson.  Be brave; the first step is the hardest, but you can do this; do it for your kids, and do it for YOU.  God bless and keep you, and good luck in the great future you have waiting for you.
1138307
look sweetie go to marriage counseling pray about it things will work out i promise
151922
This will require time patients and tact on your part.\n\nFirst start by reading books on marital relationships.\nA good place to start is either the 5 love languages, or His needs, Her needs. \nLearn how to work on marital communication FIRST. \nonce you know her 5 basic "NEEDS" are meet, and you have a way to talk with her about emotional issues important to you. then you can address experimenting a bit.\n\nAt first try things you can mutually agree look safe.\n\nLight bondage is a very good one. \nas are blindfolds, and a bit of voyerism ( in the home and just for you) you can even try giving her a sensual massage ( women love this) and it can help break the ice between you. \nTry to include romance for her benifit. \nlike make dinner, prepare her a bubble bath and finish with a massage. work on her pleasure with out expecting any fulfillment for your self for 1 night. make a game out of how many times you can satisfy her in one night. \nYou would be suprized ohw it can open up things in the bedroom. \n\nAgain work on meeting her 5 basic "NEEDS" the rest will come together once you can open up emotionally, and learn how to listen in an effective manor. \n\nGod Blessing be on your family.
497738
This is a tough one. Your best bet is to take a personal inventory before you do anything else.\n\nYou have at least three issues here.\n\n1. You are not married to the person who is also the mother of your child.\n2. Your girlfriend/child's mother also has another child which is not yours.\n3. You have an issue with commitment.\n\nWhere to begin? You must begin with yourself. I believe this is some of the best advice I can give, because until you do the following you will be unsure of the direction you need to take.\n\nTake some time out for yourself and go somewhere peaceful and quite. Ask yourself the following questions:\n\n1. Who am I?\n2. How have I gotten myself into this situation?\n3. What are my dreams?\n4. What are my goals?\n5. What are my likes?\n6. What are my dislikes?\n7. What do I believe in Spiritually?\n8. How have my decisions been in conflict with who I am or in what I believe in?\n9. What do I want to teach my children?\n10. What am I teaching my children by my current actions?\n11. What do I believe about marriage?\n\nUntil you can answer truthfully these questions you will have a difficult time being a father and husband.\n\nMy desire is for you and this lady to go through some counseling together, work through some issues, and then get married. When both of you can be independantly strong and partners in the relationship then things will get better. However, until you look at yourself first you won't be effective with them. It has to start with you. You can't tell her what to do.\n\nAlso, other good advice is to continue to take care of yourself, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Pay attention to your responsibilities as a provider, a husband, and a father. Even though you aren't married you are living like you are married. Until there is an official break then you need and must be comitted to your family.
885769
You have to remember that you guys already have 2 kids together. I think you should try to work the marriage out, you've probably tried talking to him, but if that doesn't work out then you two should seek counselingl.
146028
Relax and enjoy it.  Remember that a marriage is a lot of hard work, and takes a lot of commitment.  The more you share with each other the greater the reward.  Don't let arguments fester, and don't dwell on all the little things that ultimately aren't that important.  And last of all realize that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and that over time the intesity of your feelings will fade some but that is normal and not a sign of anything being wrong with your relationship.
439693
Do things to make your relationship stronger.  Marriage counseling is good.  Marriage workshops.  \n\nPray for each other.  Pray that you each grow closer to God and that God will help you grow closer together.  We don't really understand what love is until we know God.  He helps us love each other the way we should.\n\nHave common goals that you work toward together.  Treat her the way you want to be treated.  Be respectful and kind. \n\nCheck out "Hidden Keys To A Loving, Lasting Marriage," by Gary Smalley.  You can read a bit of it here:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310402913/qid=1144083134/sr=8-6/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i6_xgl14/103-4668860-3658249?n=507846&s=books&v=glance
29217
If neither one of you is willling to make an effort then you've already lost this one, 50% of your married life is spent in the marital bed, more than any part of the household. If you cannot find sanctuary, salvation and more importantly fullfilment in the bedroom, then what else is there to hope for?
150566
probably better to ask a marriage counselor : ) it could be lots of things, some which are "fixable", some which aren't.
251839
well its a very hard thing to cope with. try seeking help. talk to your Dr or a consular about this. just remember once a cheater. always a cheater. i would say 90% of cheating leads to a divorce. so get your affairs in order. hide money,etc..
489722
get a new wife.  One that appreciates you for who you are.
1006072
I would seek couples counseling if I were you.  You definitely need to address the issue of his marriage. I think that a counselor would help him to understand that stringing you along while he's still got a wife is not right. If he won't go to counseling with you then maybe you should go by yourself. Determine your goals for the relationship that you want to have and strive for them.\n\nIf he's not open to seeking counseling then he doesn't care about you. Because if he did he would do anything to keep you. Since you're not married and he's uncooperative I would suggest leaving him.
281044
First you really should talk to your wife, tell her that you want out of the marriage. You shouldnt be with someone if you are married to another... After you and your wife seperate then you can think about the other woemn,.,
343870
The only thing that you can do is wor on becoming the best you that you can be. You made some big mistakes in your marriage. Work on becoming a better person and learn to accept yourself for the changes that you have made and are still working on. You cannot and will not change the way she thinks..........until you change you.
1148036
you don't deserve to keep living like this!  suggest marriage counseling and try to work things out. then, if not, u have to decide your next step.
35982
Absolutely.  At some point in your marriage you guys have started growing apart.  You need to start taking a proactive role in fixing it, because it won't get better on his own.\nCommunication is key.  Make sure that your husband knows how you feel.  Check some books out from the library on marriage, and read them together.  Perhaps you could get some counseling together where an outside party can help get the communication going.  \nGood luck to you.
691781
Hmmm why do people feel the need to add third parties to their marriages when they are having problems? Why not discuss the problem with your spouse and maybe try counseling? And marriage is about a lot more than just sex. If you're ready to just drop your pants and jump in the bed with another man maybe you don't need to be married. Get a divorce, be single and screw all ya want!!