would you leave an alcholic and beater husband or stay for the kids?
599457
Leave.  What example does this set your children for their adult lives. If you have a daughter, would you want her to stay with a violent and abusive man!  If you have a son, would you want him to become an abusive and violet man!  Worst still...Would you like your children to grow up without a mother!  These are possible scenarios that could happen.  I think you know what you must do.  You need to be strong for your children and break away.  There are people and places to go that can help you.  Be brave and make that first step to a brighter and happier life!
72950
I think you should leave and divorce him.It is an emotional strain on your kids as well as yourself.If you won't do it for yourself then do it for your children.It might be hard at first because it will probably be hard for you to make a change after being with him for so many years.A lot of people have a hard time making a change because they are afraid of the unknown even though they are miserable and deep down know that it would be best for them and their kids.You and your children deserve better.Just do it and get on with the rest of your life.
559302
My husband leaves me at home 7 days a week. He is a work alcoholic. He says he is not, but I disagree totally. The only time he will take a day off is when I finally blow up. But you can tell he wants to be at work. He LIVES for work only. He works nights which means he sleeps most the day and evening, gets up, eats and leaves for work again. It's not necessary for him to work all these hours, he chooses too. It's destroying our marriage. I tried to tell him, but he just doesn't see it. I too was brought to another city, no car, no job, no friends. And now, not even him. I give up. He just doesn't see that spending quality time together is important. I've talked until I can't talk anymore. Right now, I don't even care if I see him anymore. He has made me bitter. So, I would say, spend some quality time with the love of your life.
328979
For your sake and that of your children, move on. He obviously likes having the two relationships and that is not likely to change. The sooner you leave the sooner you and your children will heal. With all the lies this man has spun its amazing either of you are still with him. He has proven he has no intention of leaving. Don't waste more time on a relationship with no future. Find yourself a respectable man and live a happier life.
566589
"I have developed a safety plan for the kids in case he really loses" ...\n\nIn my opinion, the fact that you make this statement indicates you feel the need to give forethought to the possibility of domestic violence. If this were just about you and your husband I would say one thing but it's not. That being the case coupled with your concerns of his reactions then I would suggest leaving based on a trial separation. While you may find this an inconvenience for you and the children to leave your home, the fact is you're making the decision to end the marriage so you will have to be willing to accept some initial inconvenience for the sake of the children and to promote less conflict through the divorce process.\n\nBy filing for legal separation you can request a Temporary Restraining order (not a Protective Order), put some initial space between you to provide a 'cooling off' period on his part. I would suggest allowing this 'cooling off' period some amount of time before actually petitioning the courts for the final divorce. While this process will take more time and some additional costs it will also allow time for some acceptance of the situation on his part and, in my opinion, ultimately decrease his animosities over the break up by giving him time to let it all sink in.\n\nBest Wishes & Good Luck!!
1152521
Truthfully, it comes down to a morals issue. Can you be with & stay with a man that has cheated on you? You need to ask yourself, Will he do it again? You have to be able to live with the decisions you make. If you think he's going to flake or not be there in 2 yrs, then you & your kids are better off not relying on him. He can still be in the kids lives, but you will need to step out & find another man who treats you the way you deserve.
899349
Let the slug go.  Why do you want a man who has no character, who would leave his children behind for a new squeeze?  \n\nFile for full custody of the kids and file for child support.  Get tough.
347789
My advice is to sit down and talk with your wife. Find out why she left you and try to resolve the problem. If you do get it resolved, your kids will listen to you and your wife. If it doesn't, talk to your kids. Find out why they went to stay with your wife and inlaws. Agian, try to resolve the problems. If those problems can't be resolved peacefully with your wife, get a lawyer so you can have time with your kids too. It's not fair to you to  have to sit and miss your kids who you love while your wife gets to see them all the time. You should both have equal rights to see them.
692292
You haven't said anything that makes it sound as if you should take him back.  And as Dr. Phil says, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one.  Why on earth would you want to take him back if he hasn't been good to you and your kids?  And what's the story with your husband - are you still with him or planning on leaving him?
669348
well, hindsight is 20/20, u should have waited for the divorce.  Sounds like he wants to retain the respect of his children and not tell them until after the divorce that he is living with you, so stop sweating the small stuff...BUT, if after the divorce, it's still the same....kick his a$$ out!!  good luck!
115872
sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  you need to tell him look here is how it is going to be...don't let him call the shots.  this  is your life he is messing with and your childrens lives too.  if he wants to be with the other woman then make sure he knows what he is giving up.  if he still wants to leave then kick his butt to the curb and find you a real man who knows how to treat you and your children.  don't wait around for him to make up his mind, make it up for him.
374774
Tell him to STAY out the next time he leaves...  that way you can have a more stable life for yourself & your kids.
273706
If you are unhappy then why stay I don't believe in holding a marriage together for the children it only makes the children upset to see what is going on between mom and dad.Just because you're not happy with your wife doesn't mean you don't love your children or that you cant be a part of their lives.This long distance love you have for someone else is it why you are unhappy? and how well do you no this person,sometime the grass isn't always greener on the other side as you think it will be.If you have thought this through and this is what you really wont and its worth you leaving your marriage and theres no saving what you and your wife once had then I say sit her down and tell her and if your children are old enough to understand tell them as well but let them no it has nothing to do with your love for them and they have done nothing to cause any of this reassure them you will always be there for them .Just tell them sometimes Mommy's and daddy's do things like this but you both love them ,and I hope you or the mom will put each other down in front of the it will only hurt them more.Those children are the most important issue you both need to do this in a pleasant manner if mom wont's to yell and scream just leave the kids will respect you in the end. good luck to you all
1004693
married but divorcing.  I would have loved being married if my husband wasnt a scumbag lol
673834
Yes, your husband is an alchololic. Whatever you decide on doing remember that your house needs to be a safe place. One thing I would highly recommend that you do is to go to a local Al-Anon meeting. These meetings are for people who are affected by a loved one who is an alcoholic. Your first step is in taking care of yourself. By posting here I believe you are ready to do this.\n\nI've noticed that subsequent posts to mine are giving you terrible advice. Yes, you must take care of yoruself and you need to be in a safe environment. In addition to this you need to talk to people who are experiencing the same thing you are. Your husband won't stop or be cured over night. This will be a long journey and expect a year or two if there is a chance. Tough love might be what he needs.\n\nRemember to take care of yourself by eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising, and by taking care of yourself spiritually and emotionally. You must take care of you. You are worth it! When both of you can be healthy individuals then you can work on your marriage. Until then, he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. Don't give into his pleadings until he begins and continues to attend AA meetings.
982511
Sounds like it is a win-win situation to me.  If your current husband is willing to take them on as him own then let him.  All that really matters is that you are there for the children.  If he is a dead-beat, and it sounds like he is, then let him off the hook.  Child support is nice, but your children's feelings, emotions, and mental state are more important.  Let their step-dad take up where their real dad never left off.\nMake the choice to let him sign it all away, sounds like he will never be there for them anyway.
860040
Yes, I DID stay unhappily married , for the kids' sake. I did it for a long time, but I could not stand the thought of not being there for them.Their Mother was not the most stable person, so it was necessary for me to be there for them until they got older, and could take care of themselves. I don't regret doing it for my kids, but I sometimes hate my best days are behind me now. If I had it to do over however, I would do it again....for them!