What do you do with a pre teen who doesn't care? I have him in counseling and it does seem to be working ?
603523
i am young.... 21. but i have lived so much more than most my age. when i was 11 i started to smoke cigarettes and weed. i was skipping school, fighting teachers, sent to alternative schools (for bad/stupid kids), and in anger management... by the time i was 15, i was losing my virginity to a 20 yr. old. and by 16, i was done. all grown up. now at 15, i wasnt as bad or mean, but still rebelious... and i can not blame my parents, just like you shouldn't blame yourself. others on here may try to tell you that its you, your a bad parent, or all that other bullshit, and all i can say to that is you can take as grain a salt... \n\nWhy was i acting the way i did?... well, my mom had cancer and was wasting away, i had just moved in with her from my fathers who was an alcoholic, and we switched schools, and my mother was switching relationships... that part my parents had a little something to do with, but they were not bad parents, its all just part of life. I was the one who chose not to visit my dad much, and to live with my mom. my mom would always ask the general questions of who, what, where, when and how... but i still would do as i pleased... taking the phones/computers away would kill that alot of times though (hint). as far as smoking... i had an older brother who did and got them that way... or through kids at school. i thought it was cool, even though i had all the speeches... the best way to prevent kids from it is for them to see first hand what it can do... how annoying it is... (like take $5 from them everyday and see how they like it...they can relate to that)... and the weed... well thats something from my brother too... other kids will tell you its cool, fun, and no one will know... well, go online, look up a few underage placements... call them, ask them for brochures... give those to your son... let him see first hand that these places exist for a reason, that kids to get caught, addicted or not, and they will get sent away... even across the state from home... like my own brother had to unfortunately experiance at the age of only 14. and it was over nothing great... just a little bit of weed. and again at the age of 15 for 9 months, for having resin in a bowl that he got busted with at school. and it wasnt his. as for doing things that are bad or mean such as fighting, and swearing, and skipping school... well, that all stops in time, when they realize that school will effect their life. i screwed up so bad for so long, that by the time i was in 11th grade, i couldnt graduate with out having another 2 years tacked on... and i was a straight A student then... so i had to drop out. it took about a year for me to complete my GED training (had to re learn all my math) and then when i took the test, i was off the charts and cried tears of joy  when my diploma came in the mail. counseling never helped me though... i felt that if i was put in counseling, then i was just not understood... and that pissed me off even more. afterwards, i was always worse. you need to let your son know that you are not just a parent... that you are someone they can tell ANYTHING too, and not get  in trouble, but be there for them, and understand them, and give them advise to help... or just discuss it with out them having to worry. it helps if you share a few stories of your own childhood, tell them  a few things that did bad when you were young... get on their level. and laugh at it. and then talk to them as an adult... like they are just as old as you are... do it alone... in the car, or something... even say a swear word or too.. lol.. i know it sounds funny, but trust me!!!! it will let him know that parents are not people who trap them, but just people like them who live life... and have grown up... like they feel they are. just let them know that there is a time and place to act or talk with you like that... (alone). eventually they will gain new respect for you, and learn that they dont need to prove anything.\n\ni know its a rea
193300
I admit i did last year,I'm 13, and it really does help at the time.  but then there is the problem of wearing short sleeved shirt and having your parents find out, so it actually creates more!I advise your to talk to her or a shrink with her.  As much as i didn't want to admit it, i needed the help of a professional badly.  I'm glad i had someone to talk to so i never ended up like that again.  the suicidal deaths of teenagers in numbers are increasing, so as friends and family members of loved ones that are going thorough that same thing, it is our challenge to help.  i recommend a shrink that is a girl, specifically a girl because it was awkward to talk to a strange shrink that was of the opposite sex.i think it is important to hepl her while she is still young! good luck...you'll need it!!!
570614
Counsler....now! I went through that and nobody cared if i did it or not. My parents simply did not care...I'm so glad that you care enough to help! Get him/her help now! I'm sure they will greatly appreciate it!
932675
Sorry to hear that, sweetie.  Maybe you should find another adult to talk to that will LISTEN to you and be there for you.  Parents sometimes get so self absorbed that they lose touch with their teens and think that the teen just wants independence and no longer needs guidance.  You really should point this out to your parents and let them know how you feel.  They just might not realize how much you truly need them.  Hope this gets better for ya!
906628
Nothing is worth giving up your life.  \nSeeking counseling is a good idea, there are many places where you don't need parental permission.  If you are entertaining suicide you need to do this ASAP.\nDo not have sex with this boy...he is taking advantage of your feeling bad about yourself.\nTalk to the teacher...explain that you will work on your performance and do better in the future.  Be bright and brief.\nMany kids have trouble dealing with adolescence, it is a hard time.  It will get better, believe that.  In the meantime, don't let people take advantage of your hard time.  Take care of you and the rest will take care of itself.
892209
You should still talk to your counselor.  He/she has dealt with these same issues before, and may be helpful in suggesting things you can do to make it easier on yourself.  They are there to assist you!
410027
Be supportive. It sounds like he needs to talk. Let him know that you're still his friend.\n\nExpect that this might be an adjustment for you, as he becomes more out. It'll bring changes for him, too.\n\nIf he's having issues, see if there's a group locally that can help, such as a gay youth group.
1183682
numba one tell him how you feel . I am sure he will understand but probably not cause some boys are immature
1074185
What you can do to help him is be a friend. Let him know he can talk to you and listen to him if he decides to tell you his feelings. \n\nI don't think the ADHD is causing the problem as much as the grief over losing his father.14 is an age that is very hard to lose a parent. He may not feel normal for a whole year. \n\nHe needs to discuss this with his doctor. His doctor will tell him if he needs to visit with a therapist or if he needs medicine to help with sleep or with his bad feelings.\n\nSince he's a guy, he may not have told his mother yet. She can help him figure out what to do, but if she doesn't know, here's what you do. \n\nWait until all three of you are in the same room and all discussing something together and turn to your friend and ask him in front of her, while she's listening if he is still having trouble sleeping at night. She will find out. He won't have to talk about it and you won't be in trouble for telling her behind his back. He might be irritated with you at the moment, but the important thing is his mom finds out so she can help him.
904670
Tell him you want things to be the way they were before... And if he gets an additude about it... then he really didnt care in the first place.
69281
well for the life isn't fair comment tell him he is lucky to learn that at a young age. As for his attitude. Thats a tuff one I have kids his age and I firmly believe in restricting the peers he/she hangs out with. Also if it is possible get him involved in activities after school. Baseball or whatever he is in to. If he is not interested, make him do it for one season or one whatever depending on what you choose. I did this and my daughter cried and stomped her feet. Now she plays softball every chance she gets, and I can tell her if she is not good she wont play. It's hard to give advice without knowing your exact situation but I hope this helps. Remember in a couple of yearsthere wont be much you can do about anything so stand your ground he will thank you in the end.
887131
This is a tough one,\nI think you should show complete support for his feelings. I would not try to influence him in either way. It is important for him to feel your unconditional love and support. Afterall, if this is true, he will have enough opposition from society and it will make all the difference in the world to him to feel that he has a loving family standing beside him.\nBe sure to talk to him about SAFE SEX practices- since he is at the age where he is more likely to become sexually active and at that age, we tend to feel invincible and think that all of those bad things we hear about couldn't possibly happen to us. Don't just assume that they discussed safe sex in school!\nYou may be correct in thinking that he is just saying that to get a reaction out of you... then you may be wrong. Only time will tell. The bottom line is that I think you should be very supportive and open so that he feels he can come to you with anything. Try not to discourage or encourage his behavior/ feelings. Stand neutral (even if your feelings aren't so neutral) since this is the fairest thing for him and he deserves respect, understanding and love!! Otherwise, you may isolate him and make him feel that he can no longer trust you with his feelings.\nGood luck & Be sure to support and educate him to the best of your ability so that he can make his own decision!! (Afterall, if he came to you with this, he is looking for guidance and support and he must really have alot of faith in you... It is not easy to go to a parent with such a huge issue!!
1029998
Baby girl I've been in your shoes and been a counselor all my life. Move on from the ex. He made the choices that brought this on himself and he needs to live with the consequences of his actions. His punching bag is gone. He needs to grow up. Your child will be better not seeing the violence and the infidelity, which is not normal behavior. If your new man is a good one go to couples counseling before you get married. You have issues from the last time that will haunt you if you don't. Please get your child into a counselor too. Kids know much more than society gives them credit for. You can contact me any time if yu need to. This is what I do for a living. Please take care of yourself and know there are people out there who don't cheat and abuse. It is hard to find them when you have been in that cycle. Good for you that you are wondering about the new guy!!! It's called cycles. Get to know and recognize them, please. I'm here if you need me. Nana
421623
If you feel that by his "silence", he is uninterested in what you have to say about your child, then you should let him know how you feel, irregardless of whether it seems "a little silly".  Forget about figuring out "the puzzle of the male brain" - figure out what your own feelings mean to you and act upon them.
663129
You talk With the person..not At them...ask 'him' questions that require more than a yes or no answer. At 15, he's more than a child, he's a young adult...in 3 more years, he's legally accountable for his actions and decisions. When you're given answers to your questions, be very careful of your reaction-don't judge, if you don't understand something--say so, and ask his help in your understanding him better...and tell him how things were for you at his age...things are Very different now than they were when you were 15..and tell him that..and ask Him what kind of disapline should take place when he knowingly breaks one of your rules..remember-he's his own person..with his own thoughts and feelings..and at these ages, too, he's trying to make your rules His rules--and is gonna test them out..teenage yrs are difficult, but not impossible...
492628
First of all, STOP calling him stupid...especially his Dad.  Tell dad that most boys CRAVE approval from their fathers.\n\nNext, consider that he's probably a pretty normal kid (I'd guess around 13 or 14 years old).  Adolescent boys are usually bored and looking for some mischief to get into.  \n\nWhat other outlets does he have to keep him busy?  You say "...when we leave him home alone".  That's telling.\n\nHe needs some intense activity.  Does he play sports?  Nothing relieves boredom and aimless activity like football, track, swimming or wrestling practice every day.\n\nThink about these ideas.  If they're all off the mark, or they've all been tried, or he's much older than I assumed (over 17 years), then I'd consider some counseling.\n\nBut remember...FIRST, stop calling him stupid.
463382
I would tell their parents.They can try to get them into professional counseling.It doesn't go away on it's own.They may have more serious issues that need looking into.You are a great friend to try to help them.They may get mad at you at first but they will thank you later.Just tell them you care about them that's why you want to help.