Should I apoloigize to my soon to be ex-husbands wife for not believing her about his true nature.?
601445
i hear your question because it's the way i hope the women that cheated with my husband one day will feel sometimes i think she will realize this too late as a punishment and she will be too old to start over in life unlike me because she knew he was married, but i have good and bad days for the most part i let it go and just feel sorry for her and think to myself she is even stupidier than me because he was married and was  showing who he was i'm so glad to hear you woke up but probably because he forced you to by actually ending the relationship thats what happened to me the best thing that could have ever happened Hopefully the next fool will wake up real soon so he will get a chance to be a better guy before it's to late because it's women that really allow these guys to be the assholes they are. I know exactly what your talking about when you say name calling ect my husband convinced the other women i was crazy ect which is a manipulation tactic that allows them to keep doing what there doing and not feel guilty about it anyways you should definitely apologize to his ex-wife even though she probably never thinks about him anymore because the days he consumed her are gone these guys suck the life out of women your consuming days will be gone soon too. She probably will tell you you don't have to apologize for jumping in and catching all the hell from him that was suppose to be hers she'll probably thankyou i know thats what i would do if my x's wife ever said sorry to me. Yes you should definitely apologize though it's nice to be validated and it's never to late to start doing the rite thing because as you just have learned you reap what you sow. It's never to late to start sowing good seeds when you get over all your anger and sorrow one day you might suprise yourself and start praying for him and the one he's with now thats probably what his ex did for you. After all he left you so somebody must be praying for you!!!!---when your 'happily' remmaired & have a man that loves you back you'll know what i mean by this. Godbless
586316
Wow! You should be proud of your son and quiet frankly,of youself too!! I feel for you and I totally relate to your situation.I am in a simular situation but I'm the Mom.\nI think from what you have said,you have done everything right,so don't stop now!! If your son is still loyal to his mom despite the fact she may not deserve it,that says alot about the character of your child and what you must have instilled in him growing up.\nLet it be his and your future daughter in law's day. I understand it won't be easy but  you sound like a father that would do anything for his son and I think it is absolutly wonderful that you are with someone that supports you and your son,I commend her also. I like what the girl said in one of your other answers,have fun with it ! Just gear yourselves up for this one!Be so nice yor sickening!! Don't,whatever you do,let your ex or anyone else cheat you or your son out of this day.\nThink about it.You have had all of the most wonderful memories and cherished times with your son being there for him the way that you have.He is getting ready to take one of the biggest steps into manhood that a young man can.I would venture to tell you that there is no anymotisy that you and your ex have that can be greater than the good you and your son have.\nKeep these things in perspective.Don't give up these gifts.\nGood luck ! I truely hope you and your wife and your son and future wife are the winners!!!!
681357
there is obviously a strong and powerful subconscious message you're receiving but you haven't felt strong enough to deal with it.  \n\nthere are a few things going on here:  you feel that she is stronger in the relationship and you go along with what she wants and if she wants the relationship then so be it but anger and resentment is building.\n\nthere are traits that you don't like and you have not had the courage/strenght/assertiveness to speak up and ask for change\n\nyou are unaware of your thoughts and core values and as you're defining them for yourself, you're finding that your wife's aren't necessarily compatible with yours.
311300
here's a little secret. if you have a pet name that your wife thinks is special to her, than it makes it very unspecial when you call other people it. sounds silly but women feel insecure very easily. reinforce that you say it to women you respect and feel are equals to you intellectually and as good people, than let her know you didn't realize how it hurt her to feel like her pet name wasn't special only for her. than say your sorry and you love her and respect her feelings and wish her to feel secure with you, so you'll try your best to not do it again. than give her a big hug and kiss and listen to her talk for a while with any concerns and basically repeat what you just said with a few changes so you don't sound like a recording. don't make her feel that her feelings are invalid or stupid or silly, they're her feelings and that's all that matters. respect her for having trust in you to share them with you.
930820
I would keep doing it.  You obviously have no respect for your wife, so why let her get in the way of your sleezy relationship?
427679
Is there good reason not to trust your wife?  Or are past relationships clouding your vision?  If you have good reason, confront her, it's never good to just let things lie.  Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth.  However, if you're just being insecure for whatever reason, with nothing to back those feelings up, maybe you need to look inside yourself.
255366
It's a tough road buddy, unfortuantely, it doesn't sound like she's mature enough to deal with the situation. DO you really wont to be with someone that you 1) Can't Trust 2) Can't honestly expect the truth from. Fortuantely for you , you've found this out before you were married, it doesn't make the hurt stop but it does make it easier to deal with. Keep reminding yourself you are worth more, that you tried your best, but don't ever settle. You deserve more, you seem like a rare good guy. There are good and bad people in the world, but we have to weed through alot of bad people to find the one good person. Good Luck.
582257
no. i like to do that with my husband. it's us against the rest of the world....you're not doing anything wrong. you're wife needs to boost her own self esteem so she won't be so paranoid.
806641
You are very Amazing and smart and more forgiving than your wife deserved .....Troy&Mike were being abused by a violent child\n\nAnyone who would ask you to get rid of part of your family Exspecialy after you forgave her sick twisted past secrets \n\nDump the liar ...you deserve better
1167351
why do you need to forgive her for things she did BEFORE you were married? Perhaps this is why we should all save ourselves till we are married....\nnonetheless, you married her despite her history, dont be so cruel as to call her names or think bad of her because of this.If you love her get over it and realise she married you. Her past life experience has made her what she is today.....the woman you fell in love with!\n\nall the best!
1069843
If all parties know about it and they're fine with it, I don't see a problem with it...\nBut I can't imagine the wife being okay with the fact that you were the woman her husband had an affair with... so I'm assuming she doesn't know...\nIn that case, if you two can play it off like there was nothing between you two, I guess you'll be okay....\nBut WATCH OUT, because people talk.... and sooner or later they ALL find out...
1142942
OH BOY. THIS IS NOT GOOD. BUT WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? WOULD YOU CONSIDER TELLING HER THE TRUTH, OR SIT WITH IT? WOULD YOU BREAK IT OFF AND LEAVE THE SITUATION ALONE? IS THIS A LOVE THING? MY BEST ADVICE WOULD BE TO COME CLEAN ABOUT IT ALL. SORRY, I HATE GUILT.
215602
Yes it is,and I think that you know it is.However,it doesn`t seem to be as serious as if you had actually touched the other woman.But I think that even looking at someone else with dirty thoughts is a form of betrayal.Since there was no physical contact,and if you really are sorry for it,then I see no cause for you to tell your wife and hurt her.Just don`t do it any more,and don`t mentally abuse yourself over it.Learn from it,ask God to forgive you and go on.
279114
The fact that you see your fault in your current marital problems indicates that you are NOT crazy.\nI do think, however, that you should maybe see someone about your jealousy issues PRONTO.\nIn what I've seen here, it doesn't sound like you don't trust her, just that you're making your own self crazy, and making her a little crazy too.\nYou need to fix what you can, and fix it fast.  \nWhat you CAN fix:  You, anything that has to do with YOU, what it is that YOU do, what YOU think, what YOU feel, etc.\nWhat you can NOT fix:  What someone else does, what someone else thinks, what someone else wants, what someone else feels, etc. (someone else = your wife)\nIf you're smart, you will get off it & keep your mouth shut, before you do have a hand in driving her into someone else's arms, be it this guy or anyone else.  FYI, you stated yourself that their relationship is more professional, and again I say...you've not indicated in the slightest that you do not trust your wife.\nGet your head on right, and stop pressing the issue before it's too late.\nAnd to answer your initial question:  They're only friends.
103407
Have enough self respect to remove that person from your life.  Kick it to the curb because deceipt DOES NOT enhance your life and if you believe it will not happen again.....then you're not being honest or truthful to yourself!!
841534
I know it's hard, believe me! It's not something you get over in one night, or one year. It takes alot of time and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give yourself that time? Is the marriage good now? Is it worth working on? Your wife needs to work on rebuilding your trust. Is she willing to do whatever it takes to help you along with this? It really seems to me that she is, because 20yrs is a long time that you both have invested in. I know you are in pain right now, your wife has been in pain for the last 10yrs thinking about what she did and has lived with knowing that one day you would find out and maybe end the life she really wants. And that is to be wife and a mother to YOUR kids. I am not making excuses for her because what she did was wrong! I know you need validation right now and you have every right to feel that way. You (I am sure) are a great dad. So for right now, focus on that. Time will heal...I promise!
762110
I would end the relationship, and always wonder what other things I did not know about this person. People who do these heinous things can never really be "friends" with anybody, lest their secrets somehow be discovered. I'm sorry for you if you were duped. It is a real betrayal. Don't blame yourself in any way for not knowing. These people are experts at deception and duplicity. Good riddance is about all you can say.