my best friends husband...................?
608750
Here is the BIG PICTURE ON THIS; I was reading the newspaper this morning on the Boston Herald and there was a front page article on Polygamy.  Because of the 20/20 news story.  Why is this relevant?  Because IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO INTIMACY.  There are so many emotionally dysfunctional people in this world and that dysfunctionality starts at SUCH an early age.  Heck, I notice when my 7 year old niece had been watching programs that are too old for her because she'll want to kiss me on the lips and I say, no, that's not for Aunts, that's for mommy's and daddy's.  Kids DO NOT KNOW boundaries (and nor does he) and if parents don't do an effective job at establishing those boundaries, you don't develop properly and psychologists ALL agree that if your brain doesn't develop properly in certain areas by a certain age, it never will.  So with ALL the issues that parents have from being married too young, to unwanted pregnancies to bad relationships to controlling parents or the other millions of issues, you better bet your sweet cheeks that people, including your friend's husband, are going to have weird emotional and sexual hang ups.  And it's all because of a lack of healthy boundaries and healthy intimacy.   It isn't normal for him to do this, of course not but I'd be SCARED TO DEATH to find out what the average american is doing in bed.  And the huge fight they had is totally predictable.  It's her feeling frustrated and angry because she can't control his behavior and is scared of it and then belittling him and shaming him which is probably EXACTLY what his mother did to him to set boundaries, she shamed him and guilted him like lots of parents do without even knowing.  Do you see the pattern?  So her reaction is subconsciously what he expects from her and subconsciously that could be the reason he wants to do it, the shame and guilt is his dysfunctional way of getting attention and love.  He married someone who would shame him in a severe situation and she did exactly that.  he doesn't have the intimacy skills to try and become more emotionally healthy because he is essentially afraid of her reaction.  Make sense?  So it's easier for him to act out his hang ups and try not to get caught.   It's very deep but very true.  If you've been to therapy or studied psychology, this would make perfect sense.  and you may have!  Bottom line, there are serious unhealthy patterns here and it's not just on his side.  She shames and guilts and he behaves in a way that will be shamed and guilted.  They both need counseling.
80303
If you knew he was cheating before you got married, more than likely he's cheated or is wanting to cheat since you've been married. This was not a secret that was kept from you and you knew what you were getting into before you got married. Do this, ask yourself these questions: Have you found any evidence that shows he has cheated or is wanting to cheat? Have you confronted him about it and have you shared your feelings with him about this? Is this relationship with this person really that important to you? If any of the above answers give you that "sick to your stomach / queezee" feeling, then you might want to reconsider your marriage with this person. You shouldn't have to have these bad feelings everyday,especially if this person is supose to be your best friend and soulmate. If you are ok with it and can work things out and be happy,then YES, forgive and forget. Everyone should get a second chance.Good luck and take care.
130135
You know what? you also mentioned you also love your husband, why don't you just work out on making your relationship with your husband better, and make him your best friend? Think of the past when you we're so much inlove with him, what you like about him! you have a child? Will the child be better in the future if you separate from your husband? Will it be comfortable with you to commit a sin?(well i guess you are legally married with you husband). The greatest happiness you can achieve in life is within the family! Love your family, it's the only thing that can last forever!!!! :-)
920051
Tell your friend first how you feel about him.  You don't want to lose your best friend over a guy.
582877
Boy, this is such dangerous grounds.  You want your husband to know what a slimeball his friend is for making passes at you, but you don't want to start a fight between the two of them or get in between them.\n\nI would wait it off for a while.  Try to make a huge point to your husband's friend that you are *not* interested.  Be rude right back to him if you have to.  If that doesn't work, then you will probably have no choice but to tell your husband to get the issue resolved and get his friend to back off.
479659
Does the guy know how your best friend feels about him? If he does, he's made his choice.\n\nTry to put yourself in your friend's shoes, and give her some time to cool off. If the roles were reversed, you might be upset for a while too, even if she'd checked with you first. Meanwhile, do you know another guy you can introduce her to?
258711
no, leave other peoples man alone there are plenty out there. and you don't want this one either because if he is doing this to his wife now, then u wont b the last. he is one big loser for cheating on his wife now.  and if you married this guy what kind of friend would u b called?? put yourself in the other person shoes, IT HURTS AND NOBODY SHOULD GO THRU THIS THAT WAS WRONG OF BOTH OF U. REAL FRIENDS DON'T TOUCH.
758722
Good thing you found out before you got married to him: \nLike the saying goes:\nMy husband ran away with my best friend. Someday I am going to have to meet her.\nMight ought to thank her for keeping you out of a ugly drawn out divorce or from being eat up with STD's. Then tell her to hit the road because with friends like her you don't need enemies.\n\nOH! AND BY THE WAY DITCH THE BUM TOO!
65042
being married, i believe that he should realize that when he married you, he GAINED a new best friend.  HOWEVER, there are things that i do with my buddy john that i don't do with my wife...football games, baseball games and my wife hangs out with her "homies" doing what women do.  But, everyday is ridiculous.  Bored you ask, yes...bored it is.  Plan a "date night" for the two of you.  Like every saturday or friday, whatever is convienent.  go to dinner, to a movie, go dancing at the club, have drinks at a bar, go to a comedy club, go see a concert...WHATEVER, the point is return to your roots of spending time together.  he is content to believe that you will always be home waiting for him, when he returns from where ever he goes. This is not petty, it is unfair.
975215
you didnt do anything wrong, it was good that you were honest about your feelings. he is your best friend, and best friends are suppose to care about each other. you might want to have a talk with him, maybe there is something wrong going on in his life that he hasnt told you. but if he is a bad friend in other ways, you might want to stop hanging out with him so much.
158916
I really don't think that she is wrong.  She could have her reasons.  If she has been your best friend for a long time she might have some instinct about this sort of thing.  Ask her why she doesn't like your husband.  If she is just being immature, tell her to suck it up and make the best of it when you guys hang out.  If she has a real reason, try to understand where she is coming from and listen to her.  She might have a point.
199913
Hopefully,  she realizes that you are a true friend ,  and she has a dirtbag for a spouse.  Reality check though,  she will probably find a way to blame you for trying to seduce her husband .  It would be a lot easier than admitting that the man she wishes to spend the rest of her cinderell story life with,  is a lying cheating Puss-Bag.  Sorry hone,being you would suck ,  I would hate to be in your shoes,  But if it's any comfort,  I applaud  your courage and honesty.
252722
I agree. Proof Read that. But my husband (used to be my boyfriend) was and IS my best friend.
113196
Just be yourself as you are when you're with your husband.   Your friend has to deal with his own feelings.  If you show some consideration for him, it just might fuel his feelings for you.  Unless you're on an ego trip, this will definitely be detrimental in the long run both to your relationship with your husband and your husband's relationship with his friend if he finds out.
1154687
its okay, but i could see why your husband would be uncomfortable or think it was shady.  as long as your husband is cool with it and you don't feel any attraction to the guy, i think it is fine, but if your husband doesn't like it...you should really ask yourself, what's more important...maintaining a friendship with this guy, or keeping my marriage as calm, peaceful, and happy as possible?
560611
That's not cool at all. I would have a problem with that too. \nI am assuming your best friend is a female. The messed up thing is that if you say something to one or both of them, they are still going to have that connection, they are just going to hide it from you.\nHow about you start suggesting that you and your man start spending time together alone, without your best friend and the same goes for you and your best friend.\nI don't know why the three of you are all hanging out together anyways. You need to learn early on that your man doesn't need to hang out with your female friends all the time. That's not a good idea.
1154786
He is basically an insensitive jerk. You and your hubby are one unit, if one gets hurt so does the other. He publicly displayed an argument the two of them had online, you are right to not trust him because if he gets in an argument with you he'll probably be putting stuff online about you as well.  Venting his  frustrations with your husband's  is acceptable but he chose such a public forum that you obviously had access to, which makes that unacceptable. Since he and your hubby are determined to be friends again, the best you can do is to simply remain polite to him but don't confide in him ever. Good luck.