How do I help my 50 something year old dad take better care of himself?
597229
I am also 50 something and have already had a clogged artery in the heart that required a stent.\n\nSimple diet modifications can help. Just doing away with most meat and eating losts of fruit brought down my cholesterol from the 220-240 range to the 190s.\n\nHaving found out my problem in an airplane at 29000 feet I can say from firsthand experience that this would be a horrible way to die. It is not necessarily slow and it scares the daylights out of you. After the blockage was treated it took me several years to get over anxiety stemming from it.\n\nLet your Dad know that he does not have to die from this. He may be thinking it is genetic and that there is not much you can do to control it. This is not true many times.\n\nMy advice is to start doing everything natural that you can. I do not know if it is true but there is one article that claims Bromelain (you can get it at a natural helath food store) will clear your arteries. One lady took it and had a followup angiogram that showed no blockage. I had some pain in my back once and it went away not long after I took Bromelain. Maybe it was all in my head but I doubt it. It is a natural anti inflammatory , digests protein and helps keep the blood from clotting. Obviously if cholesterol is high you should follow a Doctor's advice for lowering it. Some Doctors are enlightened about using natural substances to help.\n\nRegardless of what else he does , tell him to eat 5 pieces of fruit a day. The pectin in the fruit binds with the cholsesterol and flushes some of it out.
816058
As a person who works with post stroke patients. I agree that you should have him evaluated by a speech therapist. They will eval his swallowing as he eats.    It's a tough thing for a family let alone the patient to go through.   Until you can get him into a specialist try these tips.\n\nVery small bites of food. Try not to make his food runny, too much liquid can gag your dad. You can get a powder called "thicken" probably at the pharmacy or even at a nursing home ( your best bet would be at the nursing home) Follow the directions on the can. You can mix this tasteless powder with all liquids, it does just what then name implies. It thickens the liquids enough so it doesn't choke/gag the patient. Most times the mix looks like a nectur consistency, you can make it thicker or thinner as you need it.    Give it to him by teaspoon, have him sit up straight while eating, give him time to work through the food, remind him to tuck his chin to chis chest as he swallows. He may not eat much at one time so to keep his strength up offer him several "snacks" through out the day. \nIt is important that he gets the nutrition in some way, Ensure, and other supplements can also be thickened.  Good luck and God bless
146415
I don't know what country you live in but here in Canada the nursing home "takes" nothing. Here, if your father is still cognitively well he would be the one determining whether to sell HIS house and use the money to help pay the nursing home bill if so be it. Also make sure you have in place who is the power of attorney(finances) and who is the power for care. It maybe or can be the same person. Just in case your father is not cognitively well. You can get home kits or go to a lawyer to assist you.
189161
try giving more feedback as to your mental development so he's not in the dark, and question the effect your grandfather's death has on YOU and what preventive measures he might have. if he starts opening up, don't interrupt but really listen for clues. then use them to help.
941200
It sounds like only one of you matured.  If he is going to treat you like a room mate, then why not return the favor.  Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking him supper, just you and the kids, stop making it easy for him.  Before you do that though, get the kids off to mom's or someplace they will be taken care of, take his keyboard, mouse and monitor and hide them and tell him he can have them back after the two of you talk.  Sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know that you feel neglected and more like his live in maid than his wife and that you need more.  If he fails to respond, stop doing for him and when he asks why, you can let him know that since you are not having your needs met by him, that you do not find it necessary to meet his.  If you still can not get his attention, just set up a week vacation for you and the kids, don't say a word about it to him, just go to your mom and dad's or bothers or sisters for a week.  Let him come home to an empty house where he has to do everything for himself and take care of the dogs.  If he does not like it, let him know that if you do not get some of his attention, he will have it like that everyday of his life when you leave him for good.
1024991
spend time with your father.\nparents are special and precious
121050
Listen, be there for him. I just lost my dad, and the best thing for me is to keep busy. Try to get him back into his routines. Too much time on your hands makes you think too much, although he does have to grieve in his own way.  It would be nice for him to have some of his friends visit or call. Just make sure he doesn't withdraw too much. You sound like a good friend. I hope this helps.
832603
deal with it its not forever. I took care of my mom for 4 years everyday. she died 2 years ago and was 82. toward the end of there life they get what is called terminal restlessness. where everything bothers them and they are easily agitated. I just kept saying if i gave up i would never forgive my self. there are places that will come and help maybe sit with him for a few hours so you can do something for you. Good luck
1077012
Find a time when he is relaxed and watching tv. Ask him if you can talk about something that is really important to you and that you need his help. \nWhen expressing your feelings we teach children to do this:\nState what you are feeling:\nDad, I am really lonely. I love you but I am getting really depressed and it scares me. When I am home alone during the day, I feel really lonely because......................\nthen say exactly what you feel and speak from the heart.\nIn the end, ask if he can help you.
695145
Does Dad help?  Maybe he could keep an eye on the kids one day (night) a week to give you some alone time.  Or your mother or mother-in-law?\n\nIt is of great value to your family to take care of you too.
476952
Since you're alone with the 2 of them, make a schedule and place it at eye level in the rooms where you need to remind yourself of certain things. (Bathroom, kitchen, bedrooms, laundry room).\nSpend a bit of time each week making up a menu for each day's meals and a shopping list for what you need.\nKeep a magnetic shopping list handy on your fridge to remind you of anything you need to pick up as you go along (toiletries, meds)\nPick up a timer for meds (but most drug stores provide a pre-packaged dosette for meds and all you have to do is give them out when necessary. Can you ask for this service in your area?)\nI don't know what they are capable of managing but spend some time during the day going outside, weather permitting.\nWatch a short movie you would all enjoy or a favourite programme.\nDo they enjoy crafts? Have hobbies? Read? Play board games or cards?\nHave a quiet time, listening to music. Dim the lights, light a candle.\nLook at old photos, take new ones.\nStop for tea or coffee. Invite someone over to chat.\nIf you can manage, get a low maintenance pet. A cat or bird. It's amazing what a pet can do for housebound people. My mother has dementia and the nursing home has a cat and dog. She adores them and vice versa.\nAbove all, make some time for yourself. Is it possible to get some respite care a few hours each week so you can get a break? Your well-being is important too.\nI have elderly parents too and just visiting, taking them to doctors' appointments and looking after their affairs is exhausting. I also have a family and work. I wish you well and admire you for taking this on. Not too many people would. God bless.
1020735
I suffered with various kinds of mental illness for years and there are some practical and helpful things you can do without seeing the doctor with regard to lifestyle\n\nMake sure that he is eating properly and healthily. Cut out the junk food have regular balanced healthy meals. Make sure he is sleeping properly or at least going to bed at regular times and getting out of bed at the same time. If he is drinking or using drugs to try and self medicate to deal with the depression, then you must try to convince him to stop and avoid both of these things..as it will only make his troubles far worse. This is practical stuff which is good for all people who suffer from depression. \n\nOmega 3 fish oils have been shown to help in depression so make sure he is eating some oily fish. Some gentle exercise, go for a walk with him once a day, spend some time outdoors. Do all this this regularly and have a routine. Routine helps to order people's thoughts when their minds are in disorder. Lifestyle changes such as these can help people to manage depression more easily.\n\nAsk him to think about when he feels most anxious, and what is happening at that time. Then he can determine what situations trigger anxiety or make him feel particularly bad, and either avoid these situations or learn to manage them in a better way mentally.\n\nRemember, depression is a disease caused in the mind, and it can be helped better by the mind. By keeping mind and body healthy then the condition will usually improve. He is lucky to have somebody so supportive in his life, but make sure you look after yourself too.\n\nS\nx
561105
Be sneaky. What is your fathers favorite thing to do? Partake in this activity once a week. He is probably feeling lonely because he thinks you find him to be a burden. Garden together and plat his favorite fruits and veggies!  Take him fishing! Reassure him that you love him and that you are with him because you want to make sure he taken care of. Take him out to eat......\nGet into life together.....\n:)
693729
my parents died a looooong time ago.  but, i found an exercise, to help me resolve issues with my dad. it was in a magazine somewhere sometime.  the excercise goes like this:\nset your chair opposite your dead parents chair.  sit down and tell 'him' what happened and how you felt.  go sit in the parent's chair.  speak for him and explain what happened and tell yourself what you really need to hear from him.\ndo this over and over until you work all issues and you have peace in your heart.\n\nmy dad did several things that only an adult could be able to deal with.  so as an adult, i dealt with him in this way.\n\nyou really know more about the reasons now that your grown so this way you realize it wasn't as serious as it seemed then.  a more violet situation may take professional help.
169758
My husband has the same cancer as your father, but I think his might be more advanced that your dad's.  My husband is 63 years old.  He is taking the same treatments as your dad, but also a bone strengthener intravenously once every 4 weeks.  The bone strengthener is called Zometa, and this treatment takes about 30 minutes each time.  He also had 5 radiation treatments to his spine which helped greatly with pain control.  \n\nOnce cancer has spread beyond the prostate it can't be cured, but it can often be controlled for several years.  It sounds like my husband has many more spots of cancer in his bones than your dad does, and we are hopeful that he will have at least a few years.  The most important thing for your dad is to not break a bone - cancer in the bones makes them very brittle.  In addition to the intravenous bone strengtheners my husband takes calcium and Vitamin D every day - prescribed by the cancer specialist.  He takes very strong pain meds also.  \n\nThe day will come when the hormone treatments will stop working.  When that happens there is some research that suggests some chemotherapy drugs can give the person a few more months of life.  The overall life expectancy at this stage tends to be up to three years, but every individual is different and responds differently to treatment.  It will be affected by your dad's health otherwise, his strength in fighting this, his attitude, and his will to live.\n\nBe strong yourselves and take care of yourselves.  You need to take care of you in order to help him.  I have learned that.  It sounds like he is getting good care.  Ask about the need for bone strengtheners.  Also, good nutrition is very important in figthing cancer.  Make sure he eats a healthy diet, low in fat particularly.  Try to keep a positive outlook, and now is the time to live each day as if it is your last.  Life becomes precious when we realize it is on a timer.  Take care, and God bless.
927449
have you told your parents how worried he is. that might help,so they know to go easy on him and to be nice not to crack no jokes like fathers tend to do.
878400
I'm in the same boat as you.  My Dad just turned 81 and has everything you can imagine.  He likes wildlife shows though, so I got him a National Geographic special on animals.  You can Google "National Geographic" for the website.  Or maybe your Dad likes old movies.  Think about what he likes to watch on TV and get him a video or two.