How can I talk to my 8 year old about her estranged (of 4 years) father without upsetting her?
598938
This is a tough one...\n\nIf your daughter has written letters, and wishes to not send them, don't force her...\nWriting may be her outlet... She wishes to express her feelings privately, and with out consiquence...\n\nYour ex should understand that she feels abandoned since she was in fact abandoned... She is old enough to know if she desires to be a part of his life...\n\nYou have done the right thing by not speaking out aginst him to her, I really would't press this issue until she is ready to talk about it...\n\nShe may just not see as that big of an issue since she was only 4 when he left.. How much do you remember from when you were 4? Know what I mean? \n\nIt's normal for her to have her Mother, and no one  else...
533913
Got a 15 year old daugther going through this right now.  Been her dad and mom for 8 years now.  I don't know what to expect really in the future.  I know right now it's floating between hate and hurt.  I wished I knew how to help, but all I can do is be there for her and let her know dad loves her.
1140545
What a Dad the most important information you can give out is your opinion. But Dad have you ever thought about sitting down and having a talk with your daughter? I know it is a hard thing to do. But in the end the discussion is well worth it. Feed her brain with knowledge and trust her. If you raised her right you have no worries. I wish my dad would have talked to me earlier about that. But you know what I would not change my life lessons for the world. The choices we make today are the ones we live with.  The best thing a father could do. Is hug your daughter tell her you love her and arm her with knowledge. Hold you head high Dad you have good intentions.
449071
well....if u've been goin wit him 4 3weeks then just break it with him......tell him that u can't c him nemore....u just wanna be friends.....if he doesn't kno about ur 4yr. old tell him that u want ur ex-boy friend back because he's the father and u think ur child should be able to kno his/her own father and get 2 c him.....i kno this because my mom and dad split when i was lil and i never knew wat my real father was like because i stayed wit my mom all the time.....so i hope i helped u out....best of luck
417180
I am engaged also, and I don't talk to my father either. I have thought about asking my brother to walk with me, my mom past away a few years ago so that's not an option. Although I think it would be really nice to just walk alone, then all the attention will be on you and no one will even care about your dad not being there. Most people don't walk with their fathers these days\n-----As for the first guy who answered you by telling you to apolgize, tell him to go fuck himself he doesnt even know why you dont get along with your dad. Why should you go apologize????
697982
Tell her what you just told us.\nThat she ignored your feelings and betrayed your trust.\nTell her that you're very hurt by what she did and that she needs to respect your feelings, regardless of your age or the fact that you're "just her daughter".  You're still a human being like the rest of us.\nTell her that if she continues to betray your trust, you may end up not telling her anything at all.  No mother wants to be left out of their child's life, right?  Tell her that you want to be able to share ANYthing with her, but you feel that you can't now because of what she did.\nThis will probably make for a loooooong discussion, so make sure you're sitting down. ;)
163615
I am also recently divorced and my child lives far aways from me and the only way I can try to keep me in her heart is to write a letter hoping one day she will read it and answer it.  My child is only going on 7 and not able to see mine for 6 and half years because of her father but I try to stay strong and keep sending birthday and christmas gifts and hope one day she will respond.  Just keep sending pictures and letters and pray that one day they will respond.
267436
I'd reccommend just asking what's up with your daughter and that boy. Maybe she's "dating" him. If you can gain her trust so that she can confide in you about her "relationships" then you won't have to worry about it. Be careful not to play the anxious mother though, or she won't feel comfortable talking to you. Talk to her like she's your best friend and it'll be easier to communicate your feelings about the neighborhood boy.
125577
Cry then pray for her and pray for the words to come to you what to say to her because I really don't know what to say. Just reamber everyone makes mistakes and just let her know that even though you dont aprove you still love her but tell her she needs to respect herself more then that. And that you really hope she dosent do it again. Shes over 18 theres really nothing you can do. But just dont dis own her she is your daughter. And reamber All people makes mistakes.
909414
hello, It would be beneficial for you to sit down with your daughter and talk to her about her dad. Please for her sake, try to understand her point of view about her dad, he may have mistreated you and her, but ultimately he is her dad, and she may be struggling with abandonment issues, and hurting so much that she is self sabotaging your relationship with her, to prove to herself that no one cares, and that everyone is unrealiable. \nIt is confusing for her but if you can not portray your negatity about your ex, or that situation, and try to remain nuetral... allow her to talk to you about her feelings , she'll gain respect for you and will listen to your rules in time. \nIt is clear that she is trying to manipulate you, and she may be playing on your heart strings, " Mom won't do anything, cuz she doesn't want to loose me." \nIt is hard as a mother, because we are not portrayed as authoritative, but you need to stand your ground no matter how much she laments, and cries, hollars... don't give in. If she doesn't do something she needs to be shown that there are consequences to her negative actions. \nAsk who her friends are, and when they come over, quiz them, ask them " so where do you live? what does your mom and dad do? " Chat them up in a friendly manner so she doesn't realize it's the third degree, and her friends will say " Hey your mom is cool!" They'll want to hang at your house, and you'll be able to keep a better eye on her.
237513
Hard.  You have to realize this is her son but she has to realize that she can't stop him from growing up and meeting and liking girls.  She might take you more seriously if you talk to her though. Otherwise, just talk to him. Just don't hide it.  Because you'll feel more of a burden if you hide from her while you try to get or maintain a relationship with him.
1156663
Try to remember how you felt at age 12.\n\nShe's still a little girl in a lot of ways, but she's in the nether-world of the teenage years.\n\nDrop expecations and build trust. It's important to try to continue to communicate with her. Encourage her, and tell her you love her. \n\nThis is the start of the transition from child to friend - if that is how you look at it, hopefully you'll see the path to take to build friendship with your daughter.\n\nAlso, she actually really needs a dad (not sure if you're dad or mom) and a strong positive male influence in her life. She needs a healthy, trusting friendship with her father to establish healthy non-destructive relationships with men later in life.
291280
The pain of losing her father probably won't go away. You can try to talk to her, an make her smile about good things.
1061862
Well I can say maybe what you think but I'm not!!!!                                                                                                I say find a way to confront him face to face take a friend for road saftey and leave your child with the grandmother.\n\nNo one person deserves to worry the truth you will never get on the phone. At least you think so, are you would not be asking this go ease your mind your child needs a father and some things or worth standing up for.\n\nOnce you know the truth your feeling better either with him or you can find someone to love you and that child and be very happen in your life which is shorty than we ever wish for it to be.
614673
I am so sorry for you! I am not experiencing the same, but my daughter has to have visitations with her father. He has threatened to kidnap her, so I'm always worrying about it. Also my child is 4 and has told me that her father touches and hurts her peepee. I've contacted several different agencies, lawyers, docs etc. Nothing is being done! I feel the frustration that you are going thru!The judge actually granted extra time on visits and went to unsupervised visits b/c evidence was inconclusive.I was told that if my ex was to run off with my daughter there was really nothing that I could do, even though I also have full custody. Why? Because he is the child's rightful parent too, and is allowed visitation. HUH??? I swear that is what they told me. But yet if I refuse to give my daughter over to him for his visits I will be arrested for kidnapping! ?????What a world we live in! Give me an email sometime. I'd like to stay in touch with you even if it's just to offer support. I hate to mention it but have you tried all the hosp. in the area that you last knew them to be? How about tracking them down via Yahoo White pages? Do you know of any family or friends that she might take your daughter to. Maybe you could contact them or go see them face-to-face. I don't know your financial sit. but hiring a private investigator might help. Have you posted their pics at police stations? They can fax it to others nationwide. Offer a reward. And above all else don't give up until you know for sure. And PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!I will pray for you right now! God be with you! The answer about checking with schools is great. When you move to a new school the old school has to contacted and then they send info and should keep this on record. Maybe if she was in a Headstart program or a preschool program like pre-K you might be able to get some info thru them. As her biological father, you have the right to request that info and they cannot deny you it.Amy
575929
I think it depends on who is closest to their family.  If you are, would your parents be offended if you met hers first or visa versa?  \nOtherwise, my personal opinion is that she should introduce you to her family first.  May be old fasioned thinking - but "getting permission" so to speak from her dad would be the first thing to do.
379045
Call a lawyer and get a "Guardian Ad Litem".  This is a lawyer for your child to protect her and her rights.  She is of legal age to tell a judge that she no longer wishes to see her father and tell them why.  She is old enuff where the courts will recognize that she is speaking for herself and not for your wishes.  This lawyer will help her do this.\nGood Luck.