how do I get over my distrust?
613871
If it hurts you that he is talking to his ex, and you have told him this calmly and rationally, and he is still doing it - there is something wrong.  In a healthy relationship, he should understand your insecurity about it and possibly decrease or eliminate contact with her until you feel better about it.  \n\nSeek some sort of couples counseling to \nA. Find out why he would do this\nB. Work out your trust issues from your past relationship.  \n\nIf you don't address these issues now, they certainly won't magically disapper once you are married.  Take the time to solve them now so that you have a clearer plan for your future.  \n\nGood luck to you.  : )
228633
I guess U can't trust on him at all, since U're here asking us about it. We have your doubts and that's perfectly normal, but the only thing that I can tell U is: try to trust on youself not only on him, because sometimes we don't trust on ourselves and that's the reason why we can't trust on other people.\nIt's also a matter of self esteem and self confidence, if U know what U have and U know what U're, just try to be secure, and in that way U'll feel better.
819779
There is little advice anybody can give you.  You have to want to trust somebody and be able to do it on your own judgement and values.
435124
You trust quickly and give in to the moment.  Think matters through.  Don't be to trusting from now on.  Put your guard up.
138963
Well first you need to trust yourself. If you doubt something in you then that is just going to have you not trusting anyone ever again.
658507
well i think if you get hurt bad enough it just takes time you have to take risks and trust someone again and again until it becomes easier you may get burned here and there but you have to get past it. It just isn't fair for everyone around you to be judged by your fears of being hurt - sometimes you can push people to do what you are afraid they'll do by insinuating it or you will miss out on a lot of good times because you are afraid to get too close You are damaging your life by being unable to trust Just get over the past and trust little by little . . .good luck I AM STILL WORKING THROUGH THE SAME ISSUES but i have learned that you can hurt the people you love by not giving them your full trust you just have to learn to risk it . .
281110
Well i will tell you what i am in a similar situation and we are trying to rebuild the trust but if he is gonna do it again then there is nothing you can do to stop it so you should try not to worry too much and you just love that person as much as you can. I know it is easier said then done cause i am really haveing a hard time as well.
459140
You have to be honest with yourself and trust yourself before others can trust you. Would you trust you if you were any of these people? Why? Whynot? Answer these questions to yourself. You could admit to these people that you do occasionally bend the truth, but as you said, not to intentionally hurt anyone. Let them know that deep down you are an honest, trustworthy person.
427679
Is there good reason not to trust your wife?  Or are past relationships clouding your vision?  If you have good reason, confront her, it's never good to just let things lie.  Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth.  However, if you're just being insecure for whatever reason, with nothing to back those feelings up, maybe you need to look inside yourself.
176078
I don't know what you have done to loose their trust, but only time will heal this.  Once you've lost trust in someone it is very hard to get back.  Just keep on showing them that you are trustworthy and in time they will trust you again.  Sorry I couldn't give you an easy answer to solve this for you.  Good Luck
102671
What is your fear which stole your confidence away? Talk about it... speak to someone if you have a person whom you trust. \n\nIf you don't have anyone to speak to, try self help technique. you can write in your diary or record your voice as you talk about it. Then read what you wrote or replay what you've recorded and hear it as though it was your friend who wrote/ spoke.\n\nMost of the time we know the solution to our problem, but being in the hole ourselves, we fail to see the bigger picture and feel really helpless and stuck. The irony is when someone came to us with their problem, we can immediately see the solution. Therefore, by using this technique you can be your own "friend" and help yourself out of it. \n\nIf none of the above helps, list down your achievement in life, something you feel good/ proud about yourself, happy moments. Then try to recall/ visualise those moments. You will feel better.
336289
these aren't trust issues. YOu know that your friends will probably talk about you and tell other people your secrets. Don't hang around fake people because you'll keep things in from everyone. You have to learn how to read people, like if they are fake or not. you don't have to tell everyone anything, but if you do, make sure itz the rite person. Also, ITZ NOT YOUR FAULT, you have to learn in not being so open somehow. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRUST EVERYONE, TRUST YOURSELF, and the PEOPLE YOU LOVE.
119592
Simply put, whenever you are tempted to say or do something exhibiting a lack of trust, remind yourself that this "dear man" has done nothing to merit the lack of faith you are about to display.  Also remind yourself that displaying such a lack of faith and trust is likely to hurt someone for whom you deeply care.  Over the course of time, your tendency will become to trust first and ask questions later (at least as far as he is concerned).  Good luck to you, and congratulations on finding a good one!
160473
Basically in life, everyone lies. If not they aren't homosapiens. To trust someone is a very difficult thing to do. Before you can start trusting someone, ask yourself this question, "Do I trust anyone in the first place?" You must sacrifice something in order to gain something. You are afraid that someone lied to to you. Is the matter a big one or a small one or it's just your feeling? The best way is to ask the person directly in a gentle manner. People lie but you must never keep that anger/worry in you. Learn how to forgive and forget as it could be the best remedie in living a happier life!
355567
trust maybe lost if someone you know quite well has let you down, or if something you werent happy about that happened to you, there are different levels of trust, depends which you lack, if perhaps your boyfriend two timed you, you would find it hard to trust again, if you were assaulted or similar, it would be hard to trust again after that.\n\nor perhaps someone has lied to you, that can also shatter trust, if you have some idea of which trust you lack perhaps someone can give you a more in depth answer.\n\nif something has happened to you, in which you dont trust many people, accept what has happened to you, and try and realise not everyone has or will act that way towards you again, if its boyfriend or friend issues or parent issues, they have to earn trust, best way is to tackle it, identify your specific need. perhaps you are just insecure and you feel everyone is lying to you.
200167
Always trust. Trust in yourself first and foremost. People who don't trust by rule of thumb are not trustworthy themselves - or a total pain in the ass. But be conscious and aware, some people will burn you. Never don't give up on trust. Earning it is a gift and makes life worth living!
128542
It just takes time. If you have been given reasons not to trust it is hard to "unlearn". \n\nIf you feel that it is unfounded, you may need therapy to assist with getting beyond the issue or underlying cause.\n\nEither way, your best bet is to be open and honest with your friend. Explain the issue and ask for help with working through these difficult times. A good friend will be there and help you.\n\nGood luck!