What's the best way to get rid of the bitter feelings you have left over from a horrible marriage&divorce?
594840
start getting in to things that you have always wanted to do and coudn't while you were married. it will help you alot faster and move on with your new live.you can do any thing you want to do now. just have fun with the thing you choose to do. and who knows you may find love again that if you want that. good luck.
840428
My wife and I divorced when our sons were 5 and 2 1/2.  It was a miserable experience.  The divorce was painful because I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore.  There was no normality.  Even more painful was not being with my sons everyday.  The hurt will not disappear overnight.  You probably don't want to hear this but it just takes some time.  One thing that will help is to maintain a civil relationship with your ex, but while the hurt is still there try to restrict your conversations to the children.  As for the children, do whatever you can to make sure you have as much time with them as you possibly can.  Focus your energy on making sure they know you want them around and that your home is also their's and they aren't just visitors.  I know the pain you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.  This won't make the hurt go away completely, but it does give you something to sort of hang-on to that is positive.
657721
I went through the same thing with my husband.. you might try anger managment counseling or taking a trial seperation. Just remember that when you feel yourself getting to the point of explosion that you have 2 feet WALK AWAY.
475648
find a couple small things that give you joy, and set aside time for yourself each day to do them - maybe as simple as walking quietly on some path by your house, or painting.\n\nFind ways to connect with other people in a social setting - take a community ed pottery class or something.\n\nFind a group of people who are worse off than you and volunteer some time to help them.\n\nJoin a support group for people going through a divorce.
308556
divorce and break up!!
183222
time to stop feeling sorry for yourself...get a hobby, spend time with family and friends, catch up on the reading, balance the check book, do some volunteer work...work on YOU. You can't change your former's feelings.\ntime to move on.
535012
Well, of course your going to feel this way. Having someone take advantage of your good nature would naturally scorn anyone's soul and heart. How long has it been since the divorce? Your just going to have to have time to heal. I would suggest though going out to put your mind at ease, but don't rush into another relationship quite fast.  Trust is something your going to just have to build with women again. Look back at your ex-wife were there signs that she was out for just money? If so use those signs to your advantage and beware of such signs in future relationships. DON'T EVER TELL SOMEONE YOUR DATING THAT SHE WAS A GOLD DIGGER. This may lead them to believe you could easily manipulated and taken advantaged of regardless of how long the marriage was. Simply say it was mutual and you rather not discuss it. Besides it's no body's business regardless of whom your dating or not. If there were no signs then be even more aware don't be to harsh w/ us women NOT all of us are out for money. I will pray for you strength to get back on your feet. You pray for a good Christian woman to come into your life and to be able to learn to trust again. Good Luck & God Bless. When you decide to become involved with someone again don't continue to be on the defensive either. You choose to date the woman so give her a chance, but just be aware of signs. Trust her, until you have proven it to be other wise or it's broke.  Don't allow your insecurity from a previous relationship or your ex-wife to ruin your chance for happiness.
844001
I guess it would depend on the circumstances of the divorce. Mine was due to lying, adultery, and mental illness (all on his part). After 12 1/2 yrs. of marriage and 2 1/2 yrs. of being apart it's getting harder and harder to remember the good times. I know they existed but the details are fuzzy now. I remember the hurtful times more - mostly because those are what you dwell on the most immediately after your spouse leaves. Emotions are usually high then and often negative. That is what sticks with you.\n\nAfter 27 yrs. of marriage I think it would be difficult to forget everything - especially if there were lots of good times (special vacation spots, things you both enjoyed doing together on a regular basis, events with the kids, etc.). It's a bit harder to go about rebuilding a new life after that kind of time together. You were probably so familiar to each other as the air you breathed at that point. I would have loved to get to that point in my marriage.\n\nPeople say after that long you take each other for granted, that things are 'boring'. That kind of being taken for granted and familiarity (also referred to as boring) has it's plus side. It has the opportunity to be a deeper, more satisfying, lasting love than what you can get from an affair or new relationship. Even while your brain is producing those wonderful chemical reactions to give you that 'in love' feeling it's hard to compare to 27 yrs. of someone being by your side. Even the stalest relationships can have new life breathed into them with a little effort and regular 'tune-ups'. Unless there was abuse I just couldn't imagine walking away from someone after that long. If it wasn't an amicable parting I feel very sorry for you both.
753220
Violence - Get a punching bag & beat the crap out of it. It will help relieve the anger and hate for a while. Hit the gym hard, work out your emotional pain physically. You will be too tired to be bitter. \n\nRemember the beautiful things in life and go visit scenery that makes you happy. Be with people who make you happy-friends,family \n\nhope it works out.\n\nMy bitterness & hate is only for one person- my ex. Those things help me for a bit.
691637
*If you know he still loves you, then (assuming it was you who initially wanted the divorce) apologize. Tell him the feelings you still have for him, and ask him if he is willing to take you back, let him know you want his forgiveness. Having both a mother and father will be good and healthy for the children. It is not seperation anxiety, it is natural(and good) for you to desire to reunify with your husband. Cheap sexual encounters or other pseudo-relationships will not fill that pain/void in your life. If he agrees, it would be best to remarry him. There is no better way to start than genuine forgiveness.\n\n\n* this is assuming there was no abuse in the marriage\n\nFinally if it was his fault, it would be best to start by letting him know that you have forgiven him unconditionally. Nothing will kill an attempt at reigniting the fire than holding a grudge.\n\nEither way, honesty is best, bear your heart and tell him the truth, and you will have done your part. If he does not accept, it will be his loss. You will have done the right thing.
616766
if you feel you will be bitter then counselling will help but if you stay then you have to completely forgive him and not bring it up everytime you have an arguement...that means that you have not truly moved on....if you feel you cant get over this then you should leave...i know that if it were me it would be very hard for me to stay. so take your time to decide.  dont live with resentment!
161357
Unfortunately many couples divorce either still loving each other or one partner still loving the other.\nThe best way is to accept that there is love, as well as accepting that he is gone. When you feel lonely and I know this is hard, instead of dragging out old memories, try as hard as you can on doing something constructive, listen to music,( not sad music) make a list of things you like about yourself, call a friend or a relative and go out for coffee or something, in short, get a life of your own.\nLike I said, is not easy, but if you try, little by little you will notice that getting up in the mornings is not so hard, and that you are looking forward to your new life.\nBelieve me, even if is hard to do believe now, this too shall pass.
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
775213
Some you win, some you lose.\n\nYou have to try & put this behind you otherwise you'll end up going out of your mind. I realise it must hurt like hell but you can't change the situation.\nOther people will do things at times that if we allow them (situations) will totally screw up our heads. Right now you need to find a way not to let that happen.\n\nUnfortunately there's no easy answer to this, you will feel right now as if you've been totally & utterly betrayed & of course you have. Made all the worse because it's come from someone that you loved & trusted (your wife & Mother of your Children)\n\nI don't think the fact that she was already your ex when you found out makes it any easier for you because you were still together when she did what she did.\nThe worst thing in situations like this is that your future relationships will (if you allow them to) be tainted with distrust & scepticism. You may have to get help to sort this out for you (counselling) before you even attempt to embark on another relationship. Stuff like this tends to rear its ugly head (in our heads) when we least expect it to. If left it can almost take over our lives.\n\nI'm sorry that this has happened. Fair enough if a marriage has broken down or one partner has an issue with the other & things can't be resolved, then arrangements need to be made to split as amicably as possible. To go off & have an affair without sorting one way or the other the relationship we're already in is rank out of order.\n\nDon't let people change you into the slimy scum that they are. \nit will only make you unhappy.\n\nYou can pretty much be sure of this fact though, & that is, once the relationship your ex is now in hits the bumps that hit every relationship at one time or another, she doesn't have what it takes to sort things out properly & will be moving on to her next beau.\n\nYou can feel pity for the Guy she's with now that he can't somehow see that the way she's treating her ex husband & father of her Children, she will one day treat him.\n\nI wish you the best of luck for your future,
337141
I say quit feeling sorry for your self,get off your butt and get a job.There are no guarantees in this life except Death and Taxes. Most men aren't better off financially after a divorce especially if they have to find,rent,buy a new place to live. they also have all the other expenses to pay for; gas,electric,garbage,phone,car payment now add on 25% of his pay to pay for his children from the same pay check as before. You just want to take advantage of the system and your ex-husband. Start a Day Care Center your self. If you work out of your home the state will have to check it out. To get State funds you have to provide a monthly menu and only have the amount of children allowed  based on square feet of your home you have.
274344
It is pretty obvious that you did not have everything resolved when you divorced the ex.  I think the only thing you can do at this point is to discuss your feelings with your current husband.  There is a reason why you are with him and this is something that if left unchecked may cause a problem in your current marriage.  Next, maybe you need to seek counseling with your current husband in regards to your feelings about your ex.  I am quite sure there are people out there that still have feelings for their ex's, but they realized they are divorced for a reason.  I guess what I am saying is you need to do some soul searching and try to limit any problems before things get out of hand.  Be honest with yourself and seek whatever help you need to preserve your marriage (current) because that is who you chose to spend the rest of your life with.\n\nGood Luck with what ever you decide and I'll pray for you!!!\n\nWT
267915
I don't think there is any easy way to adjust and go through a divorce without some questions, hurt, anger and thinking you are a total failure for not being able to save a marriage. Just pray a lot....Nicole