Very serious problem - should I tell my mom the truth? I beg for help!!!?
601494
Sounds like you are in a terribly awful situation and there just isn't a simple rational way out of it. I can only think of two things that you can do.\n\n If you love your mom unconditionally and you believe your mom loves you equally then the best thing to do is to face the music and tell her about your-self. \n\nIf you truly think your mom will never accept you and you completely depend on your mom and/or you're not sure that the relationship between you and your mom is that deep or strong, which is the case most of the time, then I'm sorry to say that the safest thing to do for your-self is to lie to your-self, to her and everyone else too. You have to try and pretend to be what your mom and everyone else thinks you are or what you should be until you finally feel safe and independent enough to be true to everyone and your-self. Basically, you'll live a lie, hopefully only temporarily, and sacrifice those needs for their expectations. It's gonna suck though, because while every one thinks every thing is cool and smooth, inside you'll be secretly torturing your-self by suppressing your-self for what seems like the longest time. Also you'd have to go through it alone. \n\nI'm sorry I could not be of much more help and I hope things work out ok with whatever you choose to do and that your mom will eventually love you enough to see the true you and not whoever she thinks you are or should be.
843251
You have to tell someone. If you are worried about the way your Mum may react you need to get another adult family member that you trust  to talk to her. If there is no family member that you trust then maybe a teacher etc. I can tell you as someone who was raised with abuse you need to break the cycle. Silence will not solve this problem. hope this helps and I hope even more that this problem is resolved
512215
What's more important to u the friendship of the guy, or being able to feel guilty, since your mom has been though what she has, she should understand, how bad would it be if she found out, would u be in more trouble then not telling her. I don't mean to be mean to u but really that is just selfish, & your mom should respect u for telling her the truth. It's understandable what happened under the circumstanes. It depends on how open minded your mom is. good luck, i would talk to her, i'm sure u feel bad about your friend, also i would tell your princple, that boy will have that on his record. do the right thing.
1016653
Obviously your mom needed to do it...\n\nI would speak to her first and tell her what you saw...\n\nDid you see everything??? Or just a little???\n\nBe honest with her... But I would be careful about telling anyone else...
179547
Say this to yourself over and over again "It's not your fault!".  Really.  Your mom could be frustrated about so many other things and she may just be taking it out on you.  I think it would be good to ask her this straight out and she might just explain to you why instead of you getting the brunt of her anger each and every time she's frustrated.
483840
I understand where you r coming from.  Both my parents are that way.  Just remember that she loves you and has always wanted the best for u and want u to have a better life than she did.  Respect her opinions and tell her so.  She can't expect you to do exactly what she tells you and I'm sure she doesn't.  Make it clear that you respect and appreciate her input but in the end it is your decision to make.  Maybe dont share as much personal info with her as you have been. Such as the example you gave about your job.  Would it be possible to keep discussions about your job to a minimum when talking to your mom. You don't want to tell her to back off because someday you are going to need her, need her advice, and that's what she is there for.  She just wants you to know that she'll always be there for you.  You can still be close to your mom without talking about the life decisions you have made or need to make. Good luck!
1059222
i think you should still talk to your mom. i mean, she's the one who bore you when you were a baby and i think it'd be the best if you talked to her instead of anybody else. and you're going to have to tell her eventually, because you can't live for, like, five more years without her finding out.\n\nbut if you're really reluctant..\n\ntalk to your friends, the school nurse, or any other female you can trust.
76252
Talk it over with her. You have to. She is family. You both need to solve this.
1067594
Well if YOU think you need a shrink then get one it'll help your problems..and your mom sounds exactly like my mom :| !
1068495
Yeah, tell her the truth. The truth will set you free, as they say. Tell her exactly what you said here, that you love her so much that you don't want to involve her. If you can't bring yourself to tell her what it is that happened, just tell her she will be at risk if you did. Wow, I feel for you, best of luck, I hope your problems will be solved soon.
1044725
How long have you had this problem?? One of the answers you received the statement was made that 'there is no cure.' I agree with that. This is hard for me to say but my mother is in the same shoes you are in. My mom has been this way so long that I know when she is telling a lie so I say well mom if that is true then you need to see someone about it. (my mom always has something wrong with her health-she does have health problems but most are away for her to cover-up something she already lied about.) When I tell my mother that she needs to see someone about it, she will agree but then the next day she will call or stop by and say I feel so much better today, I guess I was just feeling bad. \nI think you should see a psychologist for your pathological lying. You made the first step by admitting you have a problem. A psychologist will listen to what you have to say and will help you see things that you didn't even realize, they can not prescribe you medicine but sometimes the best medicine is to have someone to talk to that is in partial to what is going on in your life.\nI just wish my mother would take the step & get help but she says there is nothing wrong with her mentally & she refuses to seek help. If you do have untreated depression then you need to talk to a psycologist, a psychiatrist will want to put you on meds. \nGood Luck.
87704
Hi! If you want to do the good thing, tell your mother. Tell her all the FACTS, don't tell her that you believe him because you love him, that you think that he will change, or that kind of stuff. Just keep straight to the facts. If she asks you for your opinion, go for it, tell her what you think.\n\nIf you go to her in a fact/positive/non BLINDED way, she might respect your opinion, at last, you'll have more chance of getting your point of view of the situation. It will also be helpfull to tell your mother how you are dealing or going to deal with the situation. Also, share with her the letters. She'll see that you are honoring her, respecting her, and that you are looking for a wise answer for this situation. Good luck.
177778
17 year old boys are impossible to TELL anything too cuz according to them they already know everything!  What kind of trouble???  U didnt give much info.  If its serious trouble you REALLY need to find a way to get your mother to listen to you.  Is there a teacher you can trust and feel close too?  Is he the baby in the family?  I know my mom always believed my bratty baby sister over me cuz she was her baby.  Find someone you feel close too and comfortable with to confide your feelings in!
684514
its safe for me to say I've been in your shoes because i have.my father and mother were going through the same thing and I had to be the one to tell my father what she was up too...its never easy trust me i know.but if you listen to your heart it will lead you to the right answer...and just maybe heal your relationship with your father as well.BEST WISHES HUN AND GOOD LUCK!
387586
Tell your mother the truth.  Believe it or not, she never expected you to be perfect because she never has been perfect herself.  None of us are perfect, and we all have our failures in life.  The key is not to get all upset over it, but just tell the truth and get your mother's advice about what to do next.  This is important: TELL HER THE TRUTH AS SOON AS YOU CAN.  Everyone on this forum has been in your shoes before, and we feel for you.  Just be brave and tell her.
141635
Hi Sweetheart, I'm Tina (Mom). You answered my question about the "Ask Mom" column I want to start, so it looks like you might be my first asker, even though I don't have the column yet. Okay, I went through what you did when I was your age. I too had had sex and my parents found out about it and off to the Doctor we were going to go but my Mom backed out when I admitted the truth. The best way to handle this is to realize that they will find out one way or another. Either by a Doctor or if you tell them the truth. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's not a death sentence, just something that's very hard to admit. I would sit down with her and say "Yes, I've been sexually active and I don't want to lie to you about it." If you've lied already, then apologize and take responsibility for it and try to assure her that it won't happen again. Remember, it will only last moments and you will get beyond it and things will return to normal again. The cat's pretty much out of the bag so you may as well lay it on the table. You may get punished but that's part of taking responsibility for it. You're going to be just fine, Honey. Your Mom loves you and you both will get through this. Good luck. Tina (Mom)
59185
I am going to assume that you are a teen still living with your mom.  \n\nThe sooner you tell her, the better!  Be sure that you go in to this conversation without an attitude, and do NOT fight with her.  Apologize for dissapointing her and tell her that you will do your best to make it as right as possible!  \n\nI wish you the best!