Need Advice!!Husband being extremely selfish...What to do?
494734
You and your husband really do have a dilemma here.\nI agree with you that it is very unlikely this ex-contestant will have the connections your husband is looking for. Can you talk to him and tell him that if he is as good as you say he is, he will be discovered by someone if he continues to perform at various parties and or functions. The 65th anniversary is truly a once in a lifetime thing. Can you see what you can do to help him locate someone in the music industry (start locally) that would help him be recognized. If you can make this effort to do this, maybe, just maybe he will change his mind.\nI wish you luck!
655066
The scorn that 'The Pilot' has just poured out on you in unjustified.  Your husband made marriage vows, you have needs, if he were in your shoes he would probably have done something about the situation long ago.  I think you need to take a complete break from routine, say go to a hotel, order in dinner, and talk to each other.  Remind him of the times he chased you around, tell him how lonely you are, how hurt you feel, how you need more than the nothing you are being given.  With his health problems, I'd be bothering my wife as if every day were my last!\nYou deserve to be loved, more than the love for a piece of furniture, which is all he is showing you.  He loves having you around, wouldn't know what to do without you, etc.  It's very difficult to think of leaving someone you have so much history with, and who is in poor health, but DON'T let guilt keep you unfulfilled.\nTALK!
252388
keep yourself busy and focus on yourself. Don't do this with negative intentions or malicious reasons - like i'll show you. I can relate. I used to give my man shit all the time for no reason. The only thing jealousy leads to is wasted energy and will only leave you feeling worse. I hate to say it , but this boils down to insecure feelings on your part and you know how you hate it when he says " you are just insecure". focus on spending time w/ family and friends, job, goals...this behavior will bring you and your husband closer.  Just communicate, don't give up, You just need to love your man smarter not harder
208562
To be treated like a child is definitely not fair!  The typical first response is to confront him and to retaliate, that is pretty much what everybody else has said here.  However, rather than creating conflict, I would try a more discrete tactic.  First of all, thank him for the notes, he will be dumbfounded, and you will definitely get his attention, but there won't be a conflict.  Secondly, try do more that what he writes down on the list, that will definitely impress him, and make him question the necessity of the notes.  If you can't think of any additional things to do beyond his list, then call him up and tell him that you are done with the list, and if there is anything else that he could think of that needs to be done, if you can't call him, then ask him when he gets back home!  Basically this will show him that you are proactive, and want to have things done just as much as he does, and even more by doing additional things or asking him for additional things.  I realize that I am not giving you an easy answer but in real life there is no easy answers, and no easy people to deal with.  Life is hard, and it's a struggle.  And unfortunately marriages have to be built, and rebuilt, and worked on being improved and enjoyable!  The good thing that your husband has going for him, is that the has you for his wife, he is very fortunate indeed!  Hope this helps!
536181
You need to tell your husband what you just wrote...he should respect your wishes if it makes you feel this way, maybe you guys should go see a counselor together, make sure you get it out in the open before it gets to late!!!
869146
Well, I wouldn't jump the gun here. My husband really doesn't have a set time to come home (since he works on the road some) however there are times when he leaves the shop and isn't home until two hours later (we live ten minutes from his job) he is a gabber mouth, he can talk to anyone forever. (My middle daughter gets this from him because she is often corrected at school for talking) Tell your husband that you miss him an awful lot, and if he could cut down on hanging out with friends after work maybe twice or three times a week. You still want him to have some "relax" time but you want to emph that you want to be with him, too.
348941
I think it is your husband fault. You can ask this question to him and try to get his help. If hi can not help you, wait for a while. Time is a medicine for the most of the problem:)
800074
My husband and I have been in this situation for 6 years.  We have 2 sons, 6 & 2.  My advice is don't take each other for granted.  Even though I am at work all day does not mean I don't need time for myself.  Likewise, he should still be able to go out or pursue his own hobbies.  You need to watch each other for cues that the other is stressed out.  I try to do as much as I can to "help" on the weekends and in the evenings.  On the weekends, I run erands with the boys (post office, grocery store, etc) giving my hubby a little time to himself.  I also do most of the cooking on the weekends since he does it all week.  I try to get laundry and bills caught up (bill paying is my job).  He loves professional football, so during football season I make sure I occupy the boys so he can watch it at home or go out if he chooses.  It ain't easy! Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!!!!!
941200
It sounds like only one of you matured.  If he is going to treat you like a room mate, then why not return the favor.  Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking him supper, just you and the kids, stop making it easy for him.  Before you do that though, get the kids off to mom's or someplace they will be taken care of, take his keyboard, mouse and monitor and hide them and tell him he can have them back after the two of you talk.  Sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know that you feel neglected and more like his live in maid than his wife and that you need more.  If he fails to respond, stop doing for him and when he asks why, you can let him know that since you are not having your needs met by him, that you do not find it necessary to meet his.  If you still can not get his attention, just set up a week vacation for you and the kids, don't say a word about it to him, just go to your mom and dad's or bothers or sisters for a week.  Let him come home to an empty house where he has to do everything for himself and take care of the dogs.  If he does not like it, let him know that if you do not get some of his attention, he will have it like that everyday of his life when you leave him for good.
447946
I just answered your other question and I felt the need to answer this one too! Girl you are in a very emotional state right now, you need to cut all ties to this other man, this is why you are being so hard on yourself! You need to FOCUS! Stick to the topic at hand and that is that of your marriage! You need to start talking more to your husband and let him know you feel no emotional support from him and let him know how you are feeling (if you haven't already)!\n\nThere are alot of people that both of you have involved involuntarily, they did not ask to be in the situation, you need to be the adult here and finish what you started right? Do what YOU KNOW is right not what every one tells you too! I hope you do get some answers here that will help in your decision making, but ultimately the decision is yours to make. Good Luck to you!
456224
Talk to your husband and ask him what it is he wants to to change if he is being reasonable take his suggestions into account and try to implement them, but don't go out of your way to make him happy at the expense of your own happiness. You love each other so you can work though this to make it work.
28468
i suggest that you sit down and  talk to your husband.  this may cause many mnay problems down the line if your not already feeling a certain way towards him now, marraige is a HUGE responsibility, and it is not something to be taken lightly,youe need to discuss this with him and try to find a way to resolve these issuses.
197489
Ooooo. Sounds like a familiar situation...\n\nFirst- This shouldn't be about right or wrong. That just makes people defensive and nothing comes out of it. \n\n\nYou do a lot and he needs to recognize that. \nHe needs to pitch in more and at least not depend on you to cook all the time. \n\nMy wife and I just had our first baby. We are both exhausted because we take shifts to feed the baby. Sometimes I have more energy and I cook or do some cleaning or vice versa. But marriage and kids is all about team work. You guys are in this together. \n\n\nPerhaps you need to approach this in a way that doesn't make him defensive. (if that is possible.) You want to make him see your point of view without him feeling like he needs to justify his actions. \n\nOwn your feelings. Tell him that you are too tired to cook, or say you need his help with something specific because you are worn out. Mention the part about being a team. \n\nBut make sure you let him know you do appreciate him to. Guys need that and we like to be able to help and feel needed. Using those words might get more action out of your hubby.\n\nEffective communication will help you through.
941448
Hey I like you! ^_^ ..lol..seriously though, good for you it's really nice to know that there are men like you out there. \n\nMy husband WAS selfish-I am at the point where I am just like "Come on work with me here" it takes it's toll on a person when your lover thinks of himself before he does you all the time. And you keep telling yourself he'll come around, you only have Faith to keep you from drowning really...It hurts to be treated second all the time. \n\nNow he's changing and I can finally breathe a lil more....I think I will have to get use to being TRULY happy in this relationship of ours and believing that things are different between us... it takes two right? =) \n\nHey thanks for giving me a chance to share my thoughts slash vent....keep shinning and never give up! Best wishes to you and yours!
1150823
Your situation appears to be one of your husband using very poor judgment.Other than what you've already done to remedy the drama he has begun is to start being mindful of every aspect of your relationship.Then after a reasonable period of time ask your self if you want to continue in your marriage.I apologize in advance if my advice is blunt,but LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THE DUMB stuff.either he makes some serious changes,and seeks help and your forgiveness or.........only you can fill in the blanks.Take care an GOD bless you both.(ps I don't knw if you can find out about other accts,but i hope some 1 can help}
52122
Does he have children? It is FAR more difficult to MAKE someone do something than to persuade them. Show them the outcome of their choices in life, what will happen to his marriage if he does not take responsibility. Do not ask him straightout to take responsibility, this will make him defensive and it will be harder for him to change his ways. Make him want to be responsible, this works much better in the long term.
828943
Maybe you need to approach this whole situation from another angle.  Like paying more attention to your self and do the things that make you feel good and boost your self steem.  I don't mean by going out and having an affair, but stop wallowing in self pity because you husband is a di*k. Once you start doing the things that make you happy, he'll come around to grovel and ask for forgiveness for being such a blind jerk.