LADIES! Your Thoughts ON MY SHORT POEM I WROTE?
494431
Nicely written. Particularlyl the beginning. Work on the finale. It is missing its purpose at the end. But the rest is pointing to something meaningful. \n\nSuggest that you are missing your ending...you are writing about something personal to you.
666947
haha written just for you and thanks for another 2 pts. \n\ni wanted to write a poem to show you that i'm sorry\nbut my poor englsh is worst then dreaded cancers,\nso in order to appologise for my mistakes\nall i could do was ask yahoo answers,\nsome stranger wrote this poem for you\nbecuase i think as bad as i write,\ni just hope you will forgive me\ncause i do not want to fight.\n\n\ntada there you go :-)
229085
My Last Duchess\n\nThat's my last Duchess painted on the wall,\nLooking as if she were alive. I call\nThat piece a wonder, now: Frà Pandolf's hands\nWorked busily a day, and there she stands.\nWill 't please you sit and look at her? I said\n"Frà Pandolf" by design, for never read\nStrangers like you that pictured countenance,\nThe depth and passion of its earnest glance,\nBut to myself they turned (since none puts by\nThe curtain I have drawn for you, but I)\nAnd seemed as they would ask me, if they durst,\nHow such a glance came there; so, not the first\nAre you to turn and ask thus. Sir, 'twas not\nHer husband's presence only, called that spot\nOf joy into the Duchess' cheek: perhaps\nFrà Pandolf chanced to say, "Her mantle laps\nOver my Lady's wrist too much," or "Paint\nMust never hope to reproduce the faint\nHalf-flush that dies along her throat"; such stuff\nWas courtesy, she thought, and cause enough\nFor calling up that spot of joy. She had\nA heart . . . how shall I say? . . . too soon made glad,\nToo easily impressed; she liked whate'er\nShe looked on, and her looks went everywhere.\nSir, 'twas all one! My favour at her breast,\nThe dropping of the daylight in the West,\nThe bough of cherries some officious fool\nBroke in the orchard for her, the white mule\nShe rode with round the terrace--all and each\nWould draw from her alike the approving speech,\nOr blush, at least. She thanked men,--good; but thanked\nSomehow . . . I know not how . . . as if she ranked\nMy gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name\nWith anybody's gift. Who'd stoop to blame\nThis sort of trifling? Even had you skill\nIn speech--(which I have not)--to make your will\nQuite clear to such an one, and say, "Just this\nOr that in you disgusts me; here you miss,\nOr there exceed the mark"--and if she let\nHerself be lessoned so, nor plainly set\nHer wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse,\n--E'en then would be some stooping; and I chuse\nNever to stoop. Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,\nWhene'er I passed her; but who passed without\nMuch the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;\nThen all smiles stopped together. There she stands\nAs if alive. Will 't please you rise? We'll meet\nThe company below, then. I repeat,\nThe Count your Master's known munificence\nIs ample warrant that no just pretence\nOf mine for dowry will be disallowed;\nThough his fair daughter's self, as I avowed\nAt starting, is my object. Nay, we'll go\nTogether down, Sir! Notice Neptune, though,\nTaming a sea-horse, thought a rarity,\nWhich Claus of Innsbruck cast in bronze for me.\n\n-- Robert Browning\n\n\nI didn't study this very long, but in lines 9-10 it seems like the duke is protective because he draws a curtain around her.
708664
I know you're not looking for a cure but laughter is always good so,\nI was at the golf  store comparing different kinds of golf balls.\nI was unhappy with the  women's type I had been using.\nAfter browsing for several minutes,\nI was  approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen\nwho works at the  store. He asked if he could help me.\nWithout thinking, I looked at him and said,\n"I think I like playing with men's balls."  \nor\nMy sister and I  were at the mall and\npassed by a store that sold a\nvariety of candy  and nuts.\nAs we were looking at the display case,\nthe boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.\nI replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."\nMy sister started to laugh hysterically.\nThe boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.\nTo this day,\nmy sister has never let me forget.\n\nAnd if that doesn't do it. How about this:\nWhile in line at the bank one afternoon,\nmy toddler decided to release\nsome pent-up energy and ran amok.\nI was finally able to grab hold of\nher after receiving looks of disgust\nand annoyance from other patrons.\nI told her that if she did not start behaving\n"right now" she would be punished.\nTo my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a\nvoice just as threatening,\n"If you don't let me go right now,\nI will tell Grandma that I saw you\nkissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"\nThe silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.\nEven the tellers stopped\nwhat they were doing.\nI mustered up the last of my dignity and\nwalked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.\nThe last thing I heard when\nthe door closed behind me,\nwere screams of  laughter.
1070869
Welllll...I belong to a poetry workshop online, and if I reviewed your poem, I might say something like this: Your poem is filled with obvious pain and honest emotion, however I feel in some places your creativity is compromised by the rhymes...by which I mean you are stretching to achieve rhyme in places, using things that otherwise might not fit the best, like "hardware in his ears" and watching him like a "bear". The repetition of bloodstain and drip are a bit much. The image of red blood on your white shirt is good-you should play that up a bit maybe. Poetry is hard work-keep writing and good luck! And please don't cut yourself over a guy, or anything else, btw. I hope that part is just poetic license. :)
503338
Good one :]\n\nBut one exception to your poem:\n\nI can't FORGET your funny poem.(My forgetter would become a little worse) :]\n\nHave a nice day :]
935796
It's ok, but just not my style of poetry.\nIt needs to have a rhythm.\n\nIt might work better using the japanese haiku style.\n\nOk, I did just a slight altering. See if this works better.\n\nI really like sports football is my thang,\nAnd Peyton Manning is the man of the game. \n\nI love the colts  and you might be surprised, \nthat any girl on the planet likes to watch sweaty guys\n\nI really like football and someday I'll be\na pro football player on a pro football team.
102856
I wrote this poem when me and my little girl's father went our own way, I hope you like it and it will help you,\n\nA BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.\nWe went through so much,\nI can't thank you enough.\nYou gave me the best thing that you could give.\nMy gorgeous little girl,\nand she's getting so big.\nNo matter what you did, the things you do,\ndeep down inside, I do love you.\nAll the love that I had, all the love that you gave,\ncan not underestimate, the pain that's within!\nThat's why we have to go our own separate ways,\nlive our lives our own little ways.\nAs hard as it is going to be for me to leave,\nI know that it's the best thing that ever could be.\nFor you my man are a wonen's man,\nand I need the love of just one man.\nI hope that we can go our ways,\nour friendship is one thing that will always stay.\nCause we will always be together no matter what we do!\nfor we have something that is half me, and the other half is you. \nOUR DAUGHTER, she will live through it, \nand it will not jeopardize her life in the end.\nWe will show her nothing but love,\nand that you and me will always be friends,\ngive her the strength for her to go on,\nher own way of life having so much fun.\nKnowing she has a mother and a father when ever she needs one.\nThis will be the only thing that I ask from you,\nso she will know her parents did the best they could do.\nTo keep the love they had so strong.\nFor her to turn out to be a Beautiful Women.\n                                       Tiffany Smith.
667958
I WENT OUT TODAY WITH MY LADY-O\nTO OTHER GIRLS I BADE HELLO\nTHEY ALL WORK IN MY BORDELLO\nWHERE THE COPS DODO A RAID-I-O\n\nI HAD TO WAVE THEM ALL BYE BYE\nTHE JUDGE SAID IN JAIL ILL DIE\nI POKED MY LAWYER IN THE EYE\nAN GAVE MY FRIENDS A BIG HI-FI...............VE
364078
When this comes to your mind: - \n\n\nAlone as I watch the stars shine,\nI revive you and feel it,\nThis little lonely heart of mine,\nTh’ flame set off, once lit.\nIn this heart th’ scenes linger,\nLost yet determined my thoughts wander,\nWhether my heart a wanderer or a lonely singer?\nWith hopes of retrieving that missed opportunity or singing the story tender.\n\n Thinking ‘bout the past I sit here on the pane,\nCrazy it may seem but I see you everywhere,\nYou’re driving me mad, you’re driving me insane,\nBut its too late, I have entered this love lair.\nAs my mind delineates you running in fields, shinning in stars,\nBut whom am I fooling? That’s just a memory, just a dream,\nThis impact inflict upon me from thou, thou have left th’ scars,\nAs I mark them in allusion to you, in my eyes they gleam.\n\nYour smile I miss,\nYour touch I long,\nJust but a kiss,\nI miss as I sing this sad song.\nDearth of that warmth made this heart lighten black and die,\nAgony, regret, grief, distress; but my heart knows what feel,\nHere in the depths abstruse feelings and hushed memories lie,\nYour extant image, good times of yore, favorable luck wheel.\n\nLove it be?\nI ask to my heart ‘ What answer thou give?’\nA sound heard softly,\nA lost note, yet positive.\nThis blister you have left,\nOn my heart and my mind,\nMy heart you stole, you theft,\nNow in your love I’m blind.\n\nI wish you had not,\nGONE! LEFT! Deserted me,\nYou gave me a new hope, a support,\nYou’re the culprit, not me...\nEre to your departure, before you went,\nIf only, just, with this pusillanimous heart I had,\nTo this grace of luck, creation of destiny, angel God had sent,\nIf, if only had I told you th’ words my heart said...
598445
You have very good meter. The words seem to roll effortlessly off of the tongue. KEEP AT IT. I love the rhymes. \n\nI also like the mood you set up with your words. To be very honest, your lyrics are much better than alot I have read. I am not just being nice, either.\n\nAs a songwriter/arranger/musician myself, it is refreshing to read a good piece of material. Like I said before, KEEP AT IT. Good job.\n\nPeace and chicken grease\nJon
670904
This is a beautiful poem about losing a loved one..\n\nWhen I'm gone from your side, \nAnd all your tears have been dried ...\n\nDo not stand at my grave and weep, \n\nI am not there, I do not sleep.\n\n\n\n\nI am a thousand winds that blow;\n\nI am the diamond glints on snow;\n\nI am the sunlight on ripened grain; \n\nI am the gentle autumn's rain.\n\n\n\n\nWhen you awaken in the morning hush, \n\nI am the swift uplifting rush \n\nOf quiet birds in circled flight.\n\nI am the soft star that shines at night.\n\n\n\n\nAnd when you stroll in the evening hours, \n\nAnd smell the aroma of beautiful flowers;\n\nThere'll be no need to sob and cry ...\n\nI am not there, I did not die!\n\n\n~ Author Unknown ~
148016
Monotony at Work\n\nWake up, hit the snooze…Wake up, hit the snooze…Wake up, hit the snooze. This happens six times before I finally get up to start getting ready for work. I think it’s my subconscious screaming at me not to go today. As I unlock the door to my store, I hear the familiar “SPSSS” from the lemon scent aerosol can that I am now so used to; I never seem to notice the once loved sweet and sour smell. I start my routine by vacuuming rugs that are already clean and mopping the floor that is already shining. I fold up and put away the paperwork from the night before, turn on the red neon "Open" sign and settle in for another day, just as boring, just as monotonous, the ugly twin of the day before.\nI lean back in my iron maiden of a chair, watching cars drive by, never stopping. The owner arrives shortly after I do. He asks me how I’m doing and proceeds to the solace of his office. Holiday lights chase themselves endlessly around the window and there’s a strobe light that relentlessly emits a constant mind warping rhythm throughout the day, softly clicking. They’re both trying to scream at the customers to come in and activate a new cell phone. I hear the subtle vocal stylings of Celine Dion playing on the soft rock radio station in the background, pounding against the back of my head, forcing thoughts of mass destruction into my head to the tune of "My Heart Will Go On." The hours pass at a crawl and I try to daydream about anything, but fall short of nothing until the “DING DONG” of the load chime in the front door snaps me back to reality; I finally see life in this otherwise desolate place. The excitement grows as I rise from my Garrotte and greet my potential client enthusiastically. The excitement dies as quickly as it rose when I find out the customer is looking for the pizza place.\nThe owner, becoming bored in the middle of the day, comes up to the front of the store and barks some orders and then promptly retreats back to his fortress of solitude. This plethora of free time does allow me the opportunity to do some school work, my only variety through out the day. Just as I start my week’s assignments, “DING DONG”, another customer, could this be the one to break it? No she just wants a pre paid cell card, and then complains about the dollar service fee, back to my guillotine.\nI stare at the clock for a few minutes, in my minds eye I see it laughing at me. 4:30 pm, my assignments seem to be doing the trick; it feels like hours have gone by. “PSPP” the aerosol can sprays its perfume again reminding me that it does that every nine minutes, and I haven’t heard it that many times. I turn on the dancing lights and the more powerful strobe in hopes of attracting the night dwellers, and go back to my studies. I look up from my computer and fall into an insomniatic stare out of the window into the ever darkening sky. “BRING, BRING”, the phone echoes off the deathly silent walls, the words flow through the channel that has been carved into my psyche by the repetition of saying the same thing over, and over, like the river that created the Grand Canyon. “Thank you for calling Wireless Experts, this is G.W. How can I help you?” My heart is racing with anticipation…A telemarketer selling seven lovely nights in Las Vegas, NV. The racing subsides and I sit back down on my electric chair.\nI step outside into the frigid desert air just to break the madness. I look up at the clock through the window, my heart sinks, 5:30 pm. This is the time during the day that time moves slower then a snail sliding through molasses. 6:00 pm, my mind is struggling to come up with something to do, and is blank. I look around the store in hopes of finding something to do, gleaming metal surrounds the displays, the glass windows that you can’t see but know they’re there, packages of blue and white stacked to the brim on the shelves. No cleaning is needed, no stocking to be done,
713057
the poem is really touching..i loved it,,i know u are gonna give it to ur best friend who is upset with u for some resons..am i right??all the best,i know u'll definately get the problem solved and ur best friend will come back to u if she really understands ur feelings.
1117456
I've always liked this poem...\n\nOne night I had a dream--\nI dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord \nand across the sky flashed scenes from my life. \nFor each scene I noticed two sets of footprints, \none belonged to me and the other to the Lord. \nWhen the last scene of my life flashed before me,\nI looked back at the footprints in the sand.\nI noticed that many times along the path of my life,\nthere was only one set of footprints.\nI also noticed that it happened at the very lowest\nand saddest times in my life. \nThis really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it. \n"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,\nyou would walk with me all the way,\nbut I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life\nthere is only one set of footprints. \n"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,\nyou should leave me." \nThe Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,\nI love you and I would never, never leave you\nduring your times of trial and suffering. \n"When you saw only one set of footprints,\nit was then that I carried you."\n\nMary Stevens
311692
I feared being alone\nuntil I learned to like myself.\n \nI feared failure until I realized\nthat I only fail when I don't try.\n \nI feared success until I realized that I had\nto try in order to be happy with myself.\n \nI feared people's opinions until I learned\nthat people would have opinions about me anyway.\n \nI feared rejection\nuntil I learned to have faith in myself.\n \nI feared pain until I learned\nthat it's necessary for growth.\n \nI feared the truth until\nI saw the ugliness of lies.\n \nI feared life until\nI experienced its beauty.\n \nI feared death until I realized\nthat it's not an end, but a beginning.\n \nI feared my destiny until I realized\nthat I had the power to change my life.\n \nI feared hate until I saw\nthat it was nothing but ignorance.\n \nI feared ridicule until\nI learned how to laugh at myself.\n \nI feared growing old until\nI realized that I gained wisdom every day.\n \nI feared the future until\nI realized that life just kept getting better.\n \nI feared the past until\nI realized that it could no longer hurt me.\n \nI feared the dark until\nI saw the beauty of the starlight.\n \nI feared the light until\nI learned that the truth would give me strength.\n \nI feared change until I saw\nthat even the most beautiful butterfly\nhad to undergo a metamorphosis\nbefore it could fly...\n \nIf you want to take your mission in life to the next level,\nif you're stuck and you don't know how to rise,\ndon't look outside yourself. Look inside.\nDon't let your fears keep you mired in the crowd.\n \nAbolish your fears and raise your commitment level\nto the point of no return, and I guarantee you\nthat the "Champion Within" will burst forth\nto propel you toward victory.\n\n \n \n~ Author Unknown ~
714422
that poem was so sweet im crying now\n\nu would be a great poet u have got a good talent :) xx