Jack Bauer/Chuck Norris? Who was most likely voted mostly likely to become a tennis instructor in High School?
481928
Well, I imagine both of them were, actually.  I can only assume that they were both voted "most likely" to do everything.  But the one thing that separates them would be the whole prom king/queen selection.\n\nWhereas Jack Bauer was obviously prom king... I think Chuck Norris was probably both king and queen.  While this may be construed as an extra feather in Chuck's cap, I imagine Jack Bauer could have done both, but he figured being prom queen was just plain gay.\n\nIt's been said that if Jack Bauer was homosexual, his name would be Chuck Norris.
79367
They have been around for a while and not really new. However, there are two New York Post articles recently about it and even interviewed Chuck for his thoughts and that's what sparked the new interest. \nhttp://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty \nhas the most popular thirty for Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Mr. T. Check out other links on the site for more jokes and you get to rate them too.
203675
Top 30 Chuck Norris facts. \n\n1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. \n\n2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. \n\n3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. \n\n4. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. \n\n5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. \n\n6. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. \n\n\nHope this helped.
912899
Your asking: In an all out Vale Tudo(not many rules) UFC tournament, who would be the champion without any weight classes?\n\nWell lets break it down. I think Chuck Liddel could ICE George St. Pierre, and I believe he could also defeat big Tim Silvia. Chuck could almost definetly destroy Sean Sherk, but Sean's 5'6(very small), but fairly powerful frame would make it hard for Chuck to land shots. \n\nLiddel might find a little competition in Rich Franklin and Anderson Silva, but I think he could defeat Franklin. Chuck would eliminate Nick Diaz, and would probably KNOCKOUT Joe Riggs and he would probably beat Diego Sanchez. \n\nChuck Liddel would be the overall champion. Either him, Andre Orlovski, Tim Silvia, David Loiuseau, Anderson Silva.
388835
Did you know that when the boogy man goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris?\n\nDid you know people with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris?
10029
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.\n\n-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.\n\n-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and\nbuffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.\n\n-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction\nwas finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker\nevery second Wednesday of the month.\n\n-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer\namazement.\n\n-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.\n\n-A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.\n\n-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7\ndifferent kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.\n\n-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.\n\n-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits\n\n-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"\n\n-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.\n\n-After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".\n\n-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.\n\n-When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please
723362
How many kickboxers succeed in the UFC? ZERO. Too one dimensional. Once Liddel got close, he would destroy Norris.
277974
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kung_fu\n\n\nHint: If you talk about Chuck Norris, you're bound to get an A!
1077990
Chuck Norris has been around forever, the recent hype surrounding him has been started on the conan o'brien show, who used to show clips from walker texas ranger at the end of the show as a joke, and now its been almost a year of a long standing joke, and as we all know the are tons of chuck norris jokes making him cooler than he really is. So yea thats where it started
487790
Who is Chuck Norris Fighting for?
341880
Chuck Norris would win that one easily.
404859
You can apprentice yourself to Chuck Norris but don't plan on living through it unless you can slip him enough animal tranquilizers every morning to kill 5 elephants. That should slow his awesome speed down to normal human parameters.
315193
A roundhouse kick to the head from Chuck Norris ought to do it!
114609
Ummmmm JACK BAUER!!!!! Of course!!!! He has saved the world so many times on 24. I would trust him with my life. Plus...he's pretty sexy.
348077
Jack Bauer was a member of the Combat Applications Group of the US Army, which is also known as the elite military counter-terrorist unit "Delta Force." This is why he kicks so much terrorist butt!
467360
Chuck Norris would win
323041
"You know what kind of furniture Chuck Norris has in his house?" "Bowflex."\n\n "Chuck Norris never blinks his eyes. Never."\n\n\n* * * \n\nTeenagers all across the country, many of whom have never even seen Walker, Texas Ranger, are telling Chuck Norris jokes.\n\nThey're really bad. If you want to blame someone, the guilty party is a Brown University freshman. Since last summer, Ian Spector has been spreading jokes like: "Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there."\n\nI collected 40,000 jokes like that. Every day he gets more than a half-million hits on his Web site, The Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator (www.4Q.cc/chuck/) His jokes have been picked up by Saturday Night Live. \n\n\n* * * \n\nCustomer walks into the Boston Market.\n\n"How you doing tonight?" says Matt.\n\n"Good."\n\n"You know who else is doing good? Chuck Norris."\n\nThe guy browses the selections, asks for turkey.\n\n"We're out of turkey, sir," Matt tells him. "Do you know why we're out of turkey? Chuck Norris."\n\n\n* * * \n\nWhen the craze started, Norris was more befuddled than angered or amused. He let his publicist handle the newspapers. He stuck to his Walker persona, which is, you know, brick wall. On his Web site, he basically took this position: I. Get. It. Ha. Ha.\n\n"It's so new, he may not have figured out what it means yet," his Los Angeles publicist Jeff Duclos said on Tuesday.\n\nThe phenomenon surprised everyone. Norris' series ended in 2001. You see him now on Total Gym infomercials and reruns. He was old news to kids.\n\nThen last summer, Ian Spector - the freshman from Brown - invented his Random Fact Generator. He started with Vin Diesel (www.4Q.cc/vin/) Sample: "When mortals rub two sticks together, we get fire. When Vin Diesel rubs two sticks together, we get Christianity." \n\nIt went over modestly well. Ian asked his Web audience to nominate a successor. Chuck Norris was the overwhelming favorite.\n\n"It exploded," Ian said this week. "Since last summer we've had 50-million hits. We generally get between 500,000 and 800,000 hits a day."\n\nHow come? "It's interesting, most of the people don't know his work, but they know his character," Ian said. "He's cool and calm, but he can kick butt."\n\nThe jokes are anything but ironic or mean-spirited. They celebrate and enlarge the myth, through the demented lenses of teenage boys. Only a 17-year-old computer geek like Ian could have done it.\n\n\n* * * \n\nHigh school girl approaches the front door at Boston Market. Matt likes what he sees.\n\n"Hell-o, hell-o," he says under his breath.\n\nShe orders for her and her mother.\n\nMatt says, "You know why Waldo is hiding all the time? Chuck Norris."\n\nThe girl gives Matt a look. She just read one of these jokes on an away message from a friend. "What is it with Chuck Norris?"\n\nMatt: "Chuck Norris is God."\n\n"Apparently," she says. "I don't know, he's got that funky moustache. It just kind of gives me the willies."\n\n\n* * * \n\nAbout a week ago, Ian Spector looked straight into the flinty eyes of his craggy, but still seismic butt-kicking foil at a casino in Connecticut. You might say Ian was staring into the face of death by karate chop.\n\nIan brought his dad, a business lawyer, to the get-together Norris had requested. Norris ominously brought his own lawyer, plus his business manager, plus his wife.\n\n"It was all a little surreal," Ian said.\n\nNorris may be 65, but "he looked like the kind of guy who could handle a tough guy," Ian said.\n\nAs for Ian, "I'm no eighth-degree black belt by any stretch of the imagination." (Norris is working on his ninth.) Ian looks like what he is, a kid from Rhode Island, stud