My boyfriend said a really hurtful comment about my "track record" since I'm divorced, how do I take this?
491210
he probably meant exactly what he said, you took your husband for everything and that makes him cautious about being in the same situation. if its true what can you really say about it and how can you be hurt over it? the facts are the facts and honestly anyone would tell him he's a fool to ignore your behavior in the past and not be careful, wouldn't you if it was a friend asking for advice? And think about it you love him now and everything is fine, if you ended up in a divorce situation that wouldn't be the case and the best  predictor of future behavior is what you've done in the past. i'm sorry he hurt your feelings but they are the facts of your life and you should respect him for that unless you are looking for a sucker and not a life partner.
715212
Your question brought tears to my eyes.  Your life sounds like mine when I was 20.  My so called boyfriend and I are 5 years apart also and we have a child together.  Your fiance sounds just like mine years ago. The life you are living is a hard one, I can feel your pain.   I left my boyfriend several times because of his controlling crazy ways. My friends werent good enough, he didnt like me to go out, he was jealous of anything and everything.  And he accused me of sleeping with anybody and everybody (male, female, dog, cat, if I looked at it I was sleeping with it).  He couldnt hold down a job either.  He was a good father also.  Remember men like this make good fathers because they are CONTROLLING. I used to think is this all there is for me like you do but trust me its not.  You can take your child and raise it by yourself.  I raised 2 kids at your age by myself.  Trust me this man is only going to drag you down.  Here I am years 15 years later and I am STILL going back and forth with the same man.  Only difference is now he has changed he is no longer that controlling jerk he used to be.  But it took 15 years to get here. And that is only because he matured in some areas but in other areas he is still a jerk.  We dont live together so why am I holding on? I am working on myself now to figure that out.  My question to you is.  Do you want to wait 15 years like me for this man to finally treat you with the respect you deserve? I can see your like me, you need to save yourself from yourself.  I thought I was in love, funny thing is I still do, but I also know what is best for me.  Men like this never change.  Mine changed his controlling ways but only because he had no choice.  I have figured out through the years that guys like this are always going to find a way to hurt you.  The hurt never stops.  Don't say you made your bed so you should lie in it.  No one deserves the kind of treatment you receive.  I really think you will be able to make a good life for you and you child.  I did.  I am successful and have 2 great kids.  Funny thing is now "jerk" wants to settle down.  But the past is some thing you never forget.  Especially when he is still doing little stupid things that hurt me.  Like I said the hurt never stops.  I would love to give you strength and advice to help you through this because I can sense there is probally more to your story just like their is more to mine.  Dont think you are being selfish.  That was my problem years ago.  I put everyones happiness before my own.  Only sacrifice you need to make is for your child, remember that.  Your child needs to be raised in a loving argue free environment.  It is going to be hard.  Beause this guy has ahold of your mind, more than a hold on your heart.
454458
Wait, I thought I divorced him?????   \n\nHugs ~:)
865831
You should give him the same exact respect you would want him to give you...but I have a feeling you have already gone beyond where that line is with you.\nSit down with him.  Tell him how much he has meant to you, but that you have changed and he doesn't mean that anymore.  Be honest, the worst thing you can do to yourself is lie.\nI would caution you on one thing though-the new relationship is always going to seem exciting-at first.  Then it becomes just another relationship.  Don't keep the current guy hanging on while you find that out.  Since you betrayed his feelings, it is better for him if you move out now and be honest with him.\nI am not judging you harsly, it just sounds that way.  I have been on  BOTH sides of this arguement so I know what you are feeling and I know what he is going to go through.  \nJust be a good person about it, as good as you can anyway.
478487
I would be P.O.ed in the worst way.  What was he thinking?  I'd give some serious consideration to what he's done.  How many other things has he concealed from you?  Doesn't he know that behavior like that shows disrepectfulness for your relationship?  Clamp down on that now!
788280
A couple that I know lived like this for years and it worked out good for them and they remain friends to this day.  I doubt that I could personally live that way but if people are capable of it then more power to them.  If you can't discuss it with the ex, then try and discuss it with your boyfriend and be honest and open about how you feel.  Hopefully he will be able to ease your inferiority and make you feel like a queen in his life at present.  Good luck to you.  We all have pasts and that is why it's called that because it is all gone.
368159
The first thing you need to do is either divorce him or get a legal separation.  You don't have to know where he is... you might even be able to get the marriage.  An attorney will help you with this and it's not expensive, most even have payment plans now.\n\nAs far as the way he treated you..... the best thing to do is treat yourself really well.  Realize that you made a mistake, but you were smart enough to get out of it.  It happens.  \n\nRemember that the hurtful things were not really about you at all... they were about him feeling inadequate.  Bad men do these things to try and control women.  He needed to put you down so that he felt better about himself.  Be aware of the way you got to where you are and don't let it become a pattern.  Heal yourself before you get into another relationship or you'll end up with the same kind of guy.\n\nBad things really can happen to good people sweetie, don't blame yourself, head up, heart strong, and move on.
945391
So we have established that he pretty much wronged you.  The question now is how much time you are going to spend being a victim?  Forget how you feel - how you feel won't change anything in the real world.  Make a plan for what you are going to do to survive and thrive - then do it.  Figure out where you want to be in 5 years, what you need to do to get there and get started.  Just think, in 5 years he will be 40 - coming off his prime and you will be 30 - coming into yours.  Picture him really regretting this.  Use this to improve yourself - never as an excuse to justify doing things that don't make sense!
180683
After 18 months of seperation is when my divorce became final, but I knew it was the right thing when he said "if I can't sleep with you, I might as well go sleep with her." Best worst day of my life. \n\nHere's the thing, if you have any contact and or children, it's a good thing to work hard on trying to find your way back to the good times. If you don't have contact, and no one even wants to make an effort to work things thru, it's time to let it go and get a divorce. \n\nIt sucks, I know. But I am so happy now. I have a loving relationship that gets better and better every day I'm in it. Things were so not that way with my ex. It's not that I never fight with my current mate, it's just the arguments are rare and get resolved. \n\nWhatever happens, learn to love and respect yourself. Maybe you made a mistake with marriage. That's all it might be, a mistake. Learn from it and go on and be happy.
168450
Why there is so much anger around, why people cannot offer a level headed suggestion without getting reactionary?\n\nLady, take a step back. Relax, review the situation -thoroughly and honestly. What has gone missing from this relationship that is causing this? Obviously you are not the only one who is missing something after such a long time.\n\nYou never mentioned whether you were married, have children, have other common obligations.\n\nThis is all needed if you think this 20 years of relationship is worth slavaging, or you could go ahead like the rest of the advisors -sue him, get your money and house and custody and then remain miserable for the rest of your life. \n\nI am sure that the impact this relationship has had will leave scars unhealed for the rest of your life.\n\nDo not be hasty about it, just do what you think is right for the relationship and the dependants if there are any.
698169
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
115125
We need more details to help you out here.  The best I can do with what I know about your situation is a general appology.  Be sincere, and don't try to explain your side of it.  If you do, this may come accross as an excuse.  If you are truely sorry for what you did then say so and never say, "I'm sorry but...".  This will make the person think you don't really mean it.  Take full responsibility for your actions and admit what you did was wrong.  Ask them to look down deep in their heart and please forgive you.  Remind them of what your relationship means to you and how important they are to you.  Finish the letter by saying over again, "I really am sorry for hurting you.  I will do what ever it takes to earn your trust and restore our relationship."\n\nGood Luck!
748148
I divorced somebody like you lolol....good luck in your life
536361
IF EXPLAINED IN COURT, I'M ALMOST 99%SURE YOU'D GET IT ALL, WAS THE CAR YOU WERE DRIVING A POSSESSION OF YOUR MARRIAGE OR WAS IT A CAR YOU HAD BEFORE THE MARRIAGE?.....DID HE AT ANYTIME, "LIVE IN YOUR BODY AND SUFFER YOUR PAIN?.....I THINK NOT........YOUR EX IS TRYING TO INTIMIDATE YOU, I'D FILE A RESTRAINIGN ORDER ON HIM WITH ONLY SUPERVISED VISITATION WITH YOUR CHILD WITH A WITNESS PRESENT AND ALWAYS EITHER RECORD YOUR CONVERSATION OR VIDEOTAPE IT. THIS WILL KEEP HIM AT HIS BEST MANNERS AND HE'LL KNOW YOU ARE DOING THINGS BY THE BOOK. MAKE SURE YOUR ATTY. TELLS THE JUDGE HE IS INTIMIDATING YOU AND THAT YOU ARE AFRAID OF HIM, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT HE IS MONEY MOTIVATED (bad for him in court)AND JUDGES LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE WHO INTIMIDATE WOMEN. IN ALL STATES
741399
He didnt seem to treat you very well hun, you obviously had problems within the relationship, did you try telling him how you felt or did you just split up with him without discussing how he made you feel?\nIf you want him back then you need to talk to him but this time make sure that you tell him how you feel, take control a little.\nIf he only wants you back on the same terms as you had before then it's obvious that he is just using you hun.\nTry talking , but it does sound like he was using you a little.\nDont let him rule when you do things, be brave , ask for what you want when you want it, if he says no then cut your losses and find someone who truely appreciates you.\nGood luck, hope all works out ok for you.
206759
He may be trying to do either.  Just remind him that you are now ex-partners, and he needs to keep his social life to himself.  Refuse to get involved in this sort of discussion.  Sounds like it was a good idea to break it off.  He doesn't have clear boundaries.
376022
Well, this time do things by the book.  Keep him out of the loop.  Get your information directly from the Court and your attorney; if you soon-to-be ex tells you anything different, CONTACT the body concerned and double-check.  In other words, don't be Ms Gullible in future!\n\nIn the meantime, sever all contact with him if that's the only way you can do it.