Has my marriage ended or I shoud have hope?
485081
in my own point of view, your husband doesn't wants to have any kind of responsability what so ever, and the first mistake is that to keep details in the past to much time in the dark so once in the light they brought shadows into the relationship....was important is today, and today the things between you both are not been true at least mostly from his side....going to Europe and keeping that poor communication is not giving you and the kids the importance and value that you all have.....put aside that he might change because i see it very difficult to be, he is playing a doble life and he is to into it that he can't see the courage to walk away from it...you need to find the time and put on thought that you are a very precious being and so are your kids to still wanting for something that it might not come, at least from your husband....unbelieveble as it is there are still good men around, chances to look for a better oportunity for you to be TRUELY LOVED and care about and also your kids are possible in the matter of how you work with what you see is the right time and person to share with a relationship....of course your husband might not want to divorce since it will cost child support and (please understand this is my intuition and perspective) if he has another person in his life there in Europe if things doesn't work later on with her he knows you will be there waiting for him to the rescue........it is a very hard situation, but know that the desicions you make today will have an effect for what tomorrow might bring......fight for your own destiny and happiness, and believe in something, there is a Lord above in the Heavens that never leaves his children side, ask and you should received for the sake of you and your family.......lots of blessings and Good Luck
386154
Have you talked to him about reconciliation through some type of therapy through your church. I have been divorced, and would have preferred reconciliation, but never even talked about it to my ex-wife. She pursued the divorce at first, and I never fought at all, what a mistake. He might have lost that loving feeling, but that is part of life. It will return, given time. and it will be better than before.
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
168372
Are you happy? Life is too short to be miserable. It sounds like the inevitable is breaking up. Of course it's hard and you'll question yourself a million time. People don't change, if you fight now you will always fight. Obviously you have some concern if you are even asking. You probably know deep down what's the right thing to do. It's never easy to go through with a break up. Sometimes you have to do things that make you unconfortable. If you don't think that you are going to get married then you are wasting your time. You could be out there finding Mr. Perfect but instead you are fighting with a person that isn't right for you.
233898
Hey I don't really have advice for you as you know from answering my question I have marital problems. BUT.... We did get this book called Rekindling the Romance by a husband and wife team Dennis and Barbara Rainy. It's a real eye opener it is Christian based and I 100% am a believer that the only way to be truly happy in all areas of your lfe is to live by the Bible. Do what it says. Go to church live your life for God. The problem my hubby and I had with this book is how to rekindle something that was never there? I was or I think in love with him at one time but he was always an a** and finally I just decided to deal with now he's different and he regrets everything he has done. Maybe you can help with this one. How do I get over the past? I know I need to get my life right with God that would help 100%. But anyways I am rambling Hope this helps. The link I am gonna leave is the website where you can get this book Click on online store and do a search for the title. I also encourage you check out the info they have I don't know where you live but you should see if they have their radio station near you it really helps me!
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.
594557
Yes, your marriage can be revitalized and your trust restored!  You will need to work together to rebuild it, but it can definitely become stronger and deeper if you both choose to make it so. It is a process, though, not an event. I am a Mars Venus relationship coach and if you'd like to learn how to work through this challenge, feel free to email me at marsvenuscoach@yahoo.com.
221000
It depends: do you have faith in him? You need to consider what happened with your last relationship. Was it something he did? Was it something you did? Try to figure that out first. That way, if you do choose to start over, you can fix it.\n\nNext, decide if your relationship can be salvaged at all at this point. Has too much gone wrong between you? If so, then make a clean break. Or can you be together without getting too awkward? Do you think there's too much pain, or do you think you can be together without having what went wrong throbbing in your heart each day? If so, then you may be able to save your relationship.\n\nAnd finally, do you want to start over as friends? So far, your husband's intentions and attempt seem genuine; it seems that he really wants to save your relationship by going back to the beginning and fixing the things that went wrong the first time around. Are you willing to go back to square one? And are you ready for if it doesn't work out?\n\nIf you choose to do this, then I think he's right when he says to take it slow. It would be hard, and expecting everything to fix itself quickly would make it harder; it's expecting too much. Chances are, it might even take longer than the first time around because last time, there wasn't the awkwardness or discomfort of a marriage gone down. It's risky, and it won't be easy.\n\nWhatever you choose, good luck and I wish you the very best.
524888
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
624402
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
704185
It sounds like you're already doing the right things - you have moved out, you have initiated divorce proceedings.  Go through with the divorce, and then look to the future.
700615
I was just thinking tonite...God...how boring my marriage is....there is no romance..no love ...no communication....but...what do u do...leave...the thought of starting over again is scarey....but staying in a relationship that will not change is depressing...let me know if u figure it out....maybe that should be my next posting!  good luck
109344
It (probably) means that it wasn't meant to be. You two have lived it up and have produced two lovely children. I'm sure the both of you love them more than life itself. But perhaps that's where it ends...It seems like you have tried everything. Hell, you even went to counseling. Good job on both of your parts. You two want it to work. Maybe you're going through a phase? Maybe you should spice things up a bit. Join a club together, join together in a new sport, go hiking, camping, maybe you could spend less time with each other. Mabe ALL you need is a BREAK. C'mon now...16 years together. THAT tells you something. It cannot just stop like that. Do not give up. There is a reason why the two of you are together. There is a reason why you met, why you got married, why you decided to create children. Reminisce together about the days when you were younger, the crazy things you guys did for each other, the first time you told each other 'I Love you', etc. Do not give up. If it's an attraction/physical thing, work it out (Literally). Get sexy, make him look at you like you're the hottest thing to have walked this earth. It's not over sweetie. I believe in you guys.
1058963
Now my spouse makes me feel complete. It only took 30 years. All I can say is you have to compromise. If you fight, you can't leave , you can ignore each other until everything cools down. I watched my sibblings leave their spouses time and time again, they always went back. That was time wasted. Work things out. There are no 2 people perfectly compatable. You have to work at it. Even now , we are not even 80% compatable, but there was no way, even 10 years ago that I was gonna start over. You probably found the right person, but how would you know , now? Good luck.
428958
Please reiterate your question . . . to . . . I called it quits this morning?  Because he want to try to make it work . . . and you are trying to decide yes or no.\n\nI have a few questions about this . . . \n\nWhy did he cheat on you . . . . ?  There is always a reason.  Did you two marry too young?  Did you change?  Did he change?\n\nIf you feel that you can not trust him . . . then end it . . . and tell him why.  He may still love you . . . but the thing is . . . he might have felt that you kept pushing him away . . . and he felt lonely.  And guys has needs . . . so instead of bothering you about them (because he felt that you possibly didn't care) he went elsewhere.\n\nThe most basic reason why some people cheat . . . is because they felt pushed away.  I know that is not a good reason . . . \n\nPlus if you stay married for at least 10 years . . . he will have to pay you alimony for the rest of your life or until you remarry.
121331
did you get married? only then you are life partners.\n\nuntil then you are "seeing each other"
726181
Once the passion has faded and you've been living under this bad cloud, it's hard to change your feelings about someone.  It's been a lot of water under the bridge.  With respect to you family and children, it might be too much to expect that you will find the magic again with your husband, even though you've become able to stand your own ground.  Contrary to those that will advise you to go to counseling and turn to religion, my guess is that it is a lost cause.  Thus your choice is to remain, yet life a double life which includes a discrete affair, or just part ways and move on.  Good luck with this decision, it's not easy for anyone.  Enjoy!