i am so sad over my husband's infidelity, how can i feel a bit happy?
479428
First, I will pray for you. \n\nKnowing that he is with her you will never be truly happy, unless you leave. I know it will be hard like you I have 3 kids. But I will never allow anyone to hurt me like that and to do it out in the open. You will survive as a Christian you know God will provide for you. Be strong don't take his shit, you are not a door mat so don't treat yourself as that.
90089
I feel for you! \nYour husband should undersatnd that without communication between you and him, things won't get better. He needs to open up and share his feelings. You will have to let him know how you feel about your relationship with him. Tell him how you hurt inside and you need his emotional and mental support.
169791
Read the writing on the wall. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it's a cheating husband. You are lucky that he is an ex now, though. If you feel like he cheated, then he DID. Plain and simple. Trust your intuition, a female's intuition is a very powerful thing. Getting over the hurt? Well, that is a hard one. . .You've been betrayed. Lean on the support of friends and family ALOT. Talk about it ALOT to people who will actually listen. Buy a little notebook and spill your guts out and cry as you write in it every night before bed. A therapist can help, but if you have good friends and family, then why waste the money???
751991
i know the feeling believe me....(((sigh))) but we cannot make this men want us like the way we want them...you just have to get over it...yes it's hard but it doesn't leave us any other option than that...\n\ndon't make yourself miserable and prove to yourself that you are worth more than that man...it's his lost not yours...allow yourself to mourn for your heartache but don't indulge yourself in self pity...try out new things or maybe you can pick up that old hobby you have already forgotten when you were busy loving this man...cheer up and something good will definitely come your way, just be patient and believe!
989393
All of your life, your man will be in the vicinity of pretty, likeable, interesting women.  He will have to make the choice again and again to value his commitment to you enough to conquer temptation.  You have to decide whether you trust him.  \n\nIf you don't trust him, leave.  There is nothing worse than feeling like a nagging, jealous, insecure wreck, constantly judging your own attractiveness against that of the pretty women who walk by.  You cannot be a wreck and give him the love he needs, nor can you enjoy the relationship at all.  If you can't trust him, then it doesn't matter what you've sacrificed for this relationship. Having lost in the past doesn't excuse losing in the future.  \n\nIf you do trust him, stay.  Stay, and make that same leap of faith you did at the beginning of the relationship, before he hurt you.  I know it's hard- I've been there. Make yourself vulnerable again.  Decide to trust him.  Stop trying to be detective and psychologist and judge.  Decide that he won't cheat on you, and that furthermore, if he does cheat on you, you are content to be the fool who's the last one to know.  Love him and allow him to love you, with the same delight and innocence of the beginning of your relationship.  \n\nYou have to decide whether or not you can trust him and then you have to follow through on your decision.  I don't know if you should marry him because I'm sure there's more you haven't told me.  But I do know that for a marriage to work, a woman has to learn to forgive her husband- completely, and move on from whatever he did that injured her.  If you can't do that with him, if you'd rather start over with a man less likely to hurt you in that way, you have to be honest with yourself about it.  \n\nIf you decide to stay (and honestly, I think you should), how should you handle this woman?  Well, first you have to spend some time completely ignoring her existence.  Just cut her out of the list of possible topics of discussion with your man, your friends and your family.  Stop talking about her, stop thinking about her, stop paying attention to where she shows up and whether your man is there too.  To the degree you do acknowledge that she exists, it's as one of your man's many friends and acquaintances, not special in any particular way.  Stop feeling threatened by her.  You are HIS woman.  She is just A woman, no matter their history.  No one else can touch your status with him, nor approach it in importance.  \n\nThen, after some time has passed (give it at least a month or two of not acting like a jealous b*tch), and you have won your man's trust, start being friendly to this woman.  When you see her around, go up to her and strike up friendly conversation.  It can be about the weather, it doesn't matter.  Try to be nice.  Remember what they say: keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.  There are many good reasons to  be nice to her.  First of all, she may feel more shame about acting like a homewrecker.  Second, if your boyfriend's family loves her and you plan on marrying him, she will be a part of your life for decades.  You need to get used to her presence in your life now, and put it in terms you can live with.\n\nP.S.  Get your G.E.D.  Without an education, you've got fewer options, and you can back yourself into a corner and feel helpless. No man is a good enough excuse to stop taking care of yourself, and your HS diploma is something you really need.
889108
the sooner you convince yourself that you refuse to feel agitated over something that has no future anyway, the sooner your broken heart would heal. i suggest whenever you miss him, remind yourself that he left without even saying goodbye to marry some bitch and that you should be mad for that. also, try to focus on the good side of your husband, appreciate what you have instead of wishing  for something that's not yours and would never be yours.
68260
The general rule of thumb is that when a relationship breaks up, it takes half the amount of the duration of the relationship to get over it. IOW, if it was a 10-year relationship, it can take up to 5 years to get over it.\n\nAs far as infidelity goes, it depends upon whether you are planning to continue in the relationship or not and whether or not your husband is willing to participate in healing the marriage.\n\nSome good resources for recovery from infidelity and rebuilding the marriage are:\n\nhttp://www.marriagebuilders.com/\n\nhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/\n\nA good book for recovering from an ended relationship is Letting Go by Tracy Cabot and Zev Wanderer. Following the steps in the book reduces your recovery time to 12 weeks. i used this during my divorce, and it really helped.\n\nBeing on the receiving end of the betrayal of adultery is the worst pain i've ever felt in my life, so i know how you are feeling. An excellent description from another betrayed spouse is that it feels like someone took a floor sander to your chest. :(\n\nThough i divorced my 1st husband, that was such a horrible experience that when my 2nd husband also ended up cheating on me, i chose to try to save the marriage instead.\n\ni am now 4+ years out from D-day (Discovery Day), and doing much better. It is no longer a daily pain. Even when i purposely focus on it (as in cases like this), it doesn't have the power to hurt me anymore.\n\nYou can recover and feel good again. It will take some time, but actively pursuing recovery will enable you to feel better sooner.
600692
Oh Lotte, you will not survive, you will THRIVE, sistah!!\n\nrelease your husband , release your guilt, get to know yourself again and embrace your future and all it's possibilities!!\n\nit will take time, some days will still be sad, but you'll be happy again before you know it.\n\ni am living the same thing right now, i know it sucks. just keep walking...
724572
Aww honey its okay!! Feeling like this is perfectly normal but cheating twice?? I would say take him back if this was his first offense but honestly I dont even know the guy and know that he will cheat again..I'm sure you still care about him and have feelings for him but if he cared for you the way you care for him then he wouldn't have done the things that he did!! You can do better and he will be feeling ALOT worse than you when you move on and know that life can go on without him...I've learned the hard way and always forgave but now I have a baby and what started off with a little cheating to ALOT he didn't stop and would try to lie after a night of romance and come home to his daughter and me..Leave before it becomes something more..A promise just cant be believed anymore..Good luck hun and hang in there..Time heals everything :)
319411
I understand how you are feeling. Not that it has happened to me but I can imagine how it would make you feel. I am married and if my wife were conversing with another man over the internet, I would be concerned. But if she went to all the trouble to wipe out the conversation logs. I would be doubly concerned. Yea, he may give you some reason as a matter of security, but he should have no problem in letting you see those logs before he deletes them. \n\nSome time ago, I was talking to another woman over the internet but as a rule, I would never say nothing negative about my wife. Of course you should not anyway. But we all get mad. And if we start talking to another woman or man about how we are unhappy about our spouses, we are opening the door for an internet affair. Another thing is I would try to get my wife to read the logs because I would let her know I talked to an online woman and I wanted her to be secure. \n\nTalk to your husband about it. Tell him you need to feel more secure about this. People are leaving spouses all the time and flying across the country for people they never seen. And tell him it would protect him too because you love him so much
1069149
You gotta take it, at this point, one hour at a time.  Shortly, you'll do it one day at a time.  \n\nAs bad as he was, you might think you'll still feel comfortable with him around so you miss the familiarity.  But fairly soon, you'll forget his smell, then the exact shape of his eyes and nose, and then one day you might wake up and you'll be ok.  \n\nYou are wrong...it's not that you can't go back to him...it's that he must not come back to you.\n\nso for now, let yourself feel bad.  It's ok.  It's all part of the process.  Bravo on ending it with him.  Good thing you didn't get married...divorce is expensive, and he'd likely make you pay for it...he might not care...and what about kids?  No...you're smart to let him go now before things get worse, and they would have, because he does not respect you anymore.\n\nSO go ahead...feel sad.  Give yourself the licence to mourn the loss of a relationship.  After being sad long enough, you'll feel mad...then you know you're well on your way to recovery.
1023064
You need to talk to him. The best way to do this is to go out to a quiet restaurant for dinner together one evening. Stay positive but get your point across to him about how you feel. You also need to ask him what has happened, at least in his opinion. Also, talk about the good times the two of you have had together. STAY POSITIVE! This will help both of you. This could be the start the two of you need to open up the talking again. The more the two of you can talk and stay positive, the better the chance you have of saving your marriage! I can tell that you still love and care for him, I wish you luck!
1021286
If you really want to save your marriage go to counseling. Personally, I could never trust him again, so I would have to make tracks!
1070570
Be miserable, like I am. It wouldn't be so bad if the man I married loved and respected me. I guess that doesn't help you, but these things happen. Do what you need to do to make things right, if you can.
118799
Hon, I feel your pain.  If you still want him, then you have to lower your expectations because he WILL cheat again.  If you don't expect much, then you won't be disappionted.  \n\nIf you can't lower your expectations and you can't live with cheating, then divorce is your only other option.
624402
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
277215
I would dump his sorry a$$. Once you know he is married, you are willingly contributing to his wifes heartache when she finds out (and trust me, she will find out).\nHow would you feel if you were married and your husband cheated with someone who knew he was married?\nLet's pretend he is going to leave his wife for you (which he will not), you will become the person he cheats on.