My b/f's homophobic... HELP!?
487401
You can dump him.\nIf he is freaked out by society, he might not be the kind of guy you want to be with, marry or have kids with.\nWhat if your child is gay?  You want a man who will shun his own kid?\nIf he doesnt care that he is embarrassing you, or being hurtful to others in front of you, he doesnt care about you, only himself.\nGOOD LUCK
344685
I think I owuld be slightly worried by that to be honest, he's either very unconfident about his body and manlyhood or is a closet homosexual.... talk to him about it!
111825
looks like you've gotten some good advice already.  \nlooks like ya done made your move too.\n\ni'm sure you done right by getting rid of him, especially if he became rebelious or defensive or even if he acted like you were the nut.\n\ni'm gonna assume that ya (now x-) bf was at least within 10 years of your age.  now with that info, i ask you to think for a minute... has he been stand-offish, less attentive, communication getting (well,) different maybe even less, then it was best to jump out now.  after all ya not kids any more in high school playing with teenage emotions.\nbut.....\n\nif things haven't changed to the worest or haven't been getting boreing, then maybe this guy is telling the truth or maybe he does like the name andrew or maybe he does have a gay attraction, that maybe he, himself hasn't realalized.\n\n\nnaaah...  stick with the breack-up and find you a real man that doesn't want to play headgames, because that is exactly what he's doing to you.  i'm sorry if it hurts your heart/feelings, but it's better now than a few months or years down the road.
655861
That is just totally disgusting.. but anyways maybe he tells you he isn't gay cause he doesn't want you to judge him. Maybe he is afraid he is going to scare you off. I mean if you go away.. who's face will he rub his d!ck on?
489204
It sounds like he is really confused right now. He may need space to think things out. Alot homosexual people struggle with their feelings. It is natural for him to feel torn between his feeling and longing for a sense of normality in his life. Alot of gay males try the straght thing thinking that they can have a natural family and be accepted by society but then realise later that they are trying to change themselves. He may be going through one of those times right now. If you have seen him on the gay dating sites that is a bit different. Are you sure that those profiles are not old? some people continue to check old dating accounts just to see who responded. Ask him about them. If he gets defensive, then you may have a clue. Just give him some time to sort things out and if what you guys have is worth saving he will realize it. for now be his friend and help him find hisself. And dont listent to any negativity on here...we dont choose who we love
388898
steel yourself up. it will be a long time before us gays worldwide are not mocked at or boored for what we are. does your neighborhood have any kind of police protection? or is the police as bad as the neighborhood? hate crimes are serious, and reporting such abuse might help. \nignore what people call you. show them that you do not care what they think of you. they are goading you to do something, or react negatively, and when you do so, they will have won the battle to put you down. do not let them get to you. also counsel your boyfriend to keep his rage in check until the time is right. you can enlist the help of the local gay community for support too.
348947
you did good to ask this ..getting other people's advice will help you, in my opinion l think your b/f think you can agree with him on this lssue b'se he is your b/f and b'se this is his life style, when some people have this kind of thing going on in their lives  they think its just okay for every one else and just fine for any other person to do. and they try to make others feel like .."you know what everyone else does it but you..  feel free and lets enjoy our lives" like they expect others to agree with them no matter what , they want to make you think that this is absolutely normal and that there's nothing to worry about, but this is not true ,and not normal for every one.   what they don't know is that people actually need to follow their hearts in making decision's like this .its not bad to try new things but only when you are willing, and  without anyone pushing into it. talk to him and let him know that you are not comfortable with his ldea especially when it come to people near you. and tell him how sick it makes you just to think about it. if he loves you he will understand you and stop.good luck.
1116166
I'm not sure what you have to cope with; if he's bisexual, then he is.  You shouldn't treat him any differently than if he were heterosexual or homosexual.  Looking at it from the point of view of your interests, it seems to me you've got the best of both worlds if you can play your cards right: he can experiment with same-sex friendships when he's young (and thus you don't have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy) whereas he won't have totally cut off the idea of having a family and giving you grandkids later in life.
935538
a closet straight?  he told you he is bi but more gay than straight.  what's the problem?  you want every person in the world to know he is bisexual in the hopes that no one will sleep with him except you...you sound very immature and jealous/obsessive.
850707
be honest and tell him ur not gay and that ur not interested. if he continues to makes u uncomfy (on purpose) then he's not respecting u and thus not a good friend\n\nbut how do u know he fancies u? has he said? or u being sensitive just cos he's gay and ur male?
895029
I have female friends who are in a similar situation to you. Unfortunately they just shy away from me, which is irritating for me but they aren't willing to compromise anything about it.\n\nThe choices that you have right now is to either shy away from him or put up with it. If you put up with it, you may decide to think of him being 'gay' as a way of reminding yourself he's inaccessible.
961734
Tough one!\nI am a gay man and have several really close female friends. Something seems to happen in these relationships that turns them into really special and close friendships. Everything is usually very fun and open. We can talk about anything and just be ourselves without having to try to impress eachother or hold back our innermost feelings and deepest secrets.\nI would try to control your feelings to the best of your ability. It is possible to remain as close as you are without this affecting your close relationship. But please be careful because it sounds to me like you are in the emotional danger zone.\nIf your friend is understanding- tell him how you feel. Let him know that you understand that he is gay and are not trying to change him but that you really admire his qualites. If he is such a loving person, he will be proud and honored that you think so highly of him. ( I know I would be!!)\nJust make sure that you realize the situation that you are in and that a sexual relationship between the two of you would be doomed from day 1.\nGood luck! :)
726459
First off, never listen to anyone who tells you being Bi/ Gay is wrong.. its NOT If it was wrong why did "god" create them..huh?\n\nanyways, i think the best thing to do is maybe get to know him a little better invite him and his girlfriend to hang out somewhere and become better friends, that way you can learn to read him better and possibly more... just be sure not to pull any moves on him because 1) if he isn't Bi iot would freak the shit outta him and he would no longer be your friend and most likely spread shit about you and 2) even if he is bi, he still has a girlfriend\n\noh, and if you do hang out with the both of them... be sure he doesn't get any ideas about you goin after the girl
343199
No! Never! You should accept him and love him and show him that you respect his life style choices and will always be there for him. He is already very confused and with his self esteem battered by his own peers (especially those damn pit bull filled with testosterone). What he needs most of you is to feel loved and safe.\n \nEdit: How old is he? Maybe he's just bi curious.
712562
I can see that you are in a tough situation.\n\nI don't have any easy answers. In some ways it seems that your brother is trying to provoke a response - maybe he's testing your and your family's ability and willingness to love and accept him despite his difference.  Maybe he thinks 'I'm going to get treated badly in my culture and maybe my family anyway" so his behaviours that put people off are a way of shielding himself from letting people get too close, so it won't hurt as much if he does feel rejected, or so he can tell himself that any rejection is because of dumb things he DOES (like being rude) instead of because of who he IS (like being gay) - it's less painful that way.\n\nYou are in a unique position of being his sibling - one of the few people he will know and have a relationship with virtually from the cradle to the grave.  My suggestion is that, since you live in a Muslim culture, he already knows what Islam and Allah and the Imams think of homosexuality, and he doesn't actually need to hear it from you.  What he needs from you, as his brother? sister? is your continued love and support for him.  \nI know that my mother doesn't really understand my sexual orientation, and she probably isn't HAPPY about it, but I'm so grateful that when I came out to her, her response was to genuinely try to understand, not preach or argue, and to acknowldege that my experience (that of having fallen in love with a straight woman I could never be with) "must have been very hard for" me.  There was a lot of wisdom in her response.\n\nLove him.  And when you disagree, stay calm and suspend your judgement, and maybe even honestly try to learn what it's like for him.  Leave the lectures and the judging to other people - he;ll get enough of it, trust me.\n\nChristians in my culture can say and do some pretty horrid things toward people like myself, but there are also many, many supportive Christians.  A lesbian friend of mine and her sisters (also both lesbians) grew up in Pakistan, and moved to Canada as adults.  Though I've seen the movie "Fire", and heard them talk about their own experiences, I know I can't even begin to grasp how difficult it must be to be a queer person in an Islamic nation.  \n\n(Perhaps that's partly why Irshad Manjii, Canada's most outspoken feminist, reformist, Muslim lesbian woman, is as outspoken as she is.  I don't know.)\n\nPeace. Shalom. Salaam.
184666
do you love him? or are you angry?..Was he gay to begin with of just in the closet?.. None of that matters really of course. If you like the friendship, but can't handle "gay" part (I'm guessing he's bi) Then you have some options. One you need to dtermine what kind of sexual behavior he exibits. Destructive? Thats when he'll do anything with anyone anywhere. If this is the case I'd get out, get checked and walk away. If he has a regular long term lover then you may be able to keep the relationship if you can deal with that side of him.. Personaly (as a bisexual) I will NEVER understand why people who are bi (and they know it going in) are not honest about it. I don't keep secrets with lovers. It's amazing how many women are just fine with that.. You can even find a permanant relationships where every one knows everything. But where I live there are litterally tens of thousands of married men who are bisexual living secret lives, destructive lives at that. They put everything they suppossedly car about at risk and thats not right.\n  Now youhave to decide weatehr or not you want to keep on going with this person or not. My own situation is BiPoly. bisexual+polyamorus (I'll wait while you look that up)..Everything is like a marriage of sorts between like minded people. Maybe thats for you if he's mongamous with his male lover and monogamous with you. Guess that would be duomonogamy. But you get my drift. For gay and bisexual males its rare to have these types of relationships. Socienty has forced them into the alleys and closets so its been a catch as catch can situation. By forcing it into the blue area it has gaurenteed anonamous stranger sex is a given. . But this is changing and more things are out in the open. It would be nice if everyone could just be open and honest with out fear of retribution, but that is not how it has been. Being suppressed is like slavory. you do what you have to do to be free wen you can be.
410027
Be supportive. It sounds like he needs to talk. Let him know that you're still his friend.\n\nExpect that this might be an adjustment for you, as he becomes more out. It'll bring changes for him, too.\n\nIf he's having issues, see if there's a group locally that can help, such as a gay youth group.