Is it ok for a married woman to keep an old boyfriend as a platonic friend?
479799
turn the question around, is is ok for a married man to keep an old girlfriend as a platonic friend.  answer honestly.  If it is not a problem for you or your loved one then more power to you.
905029
I value friends that I can spend long long long times apart from and yet when we get back together it is as if we parted only yesterday.  Once I went to a high school reunion and in many ways it was as if my crazy friends and I were 18 again.  It was fun to see them again and relive a little of my misspent youth with the advantage of seeing it from an older and hopefully wiser perspective.  I do not expect nor want to spend years parted from my lover.  If we were forced to be apart that long, I would not want our relationship to be frozen in time as was my relationships with my high school chums I had not seen in a decade.  If my lover and I were parted for that long it would be too painful and unnatural to immediately try to relive the "glory days" of our long past relationship.  Rather I would prefer that we would come together again with an understanding that we had both grown and changed and a gentle time of rediscovery to truly get to know the new person she had become and to share who I had become. \n \nWhom would I want as a dinner guest?\nA great cook, preferably of Italian cuisine.  It wouldn't hurt if she were very dazzling conversationalist.  I wouldn't mind if she were easy on the eyes.  It wouldn't bother me if she had an appetite like a bird so there would be more for me!\n\nWhom would I want as my lover?\nMy wife.  We have been together for many years.  She is the mother of our children.  She is the keeper of my soul.  I have no desire nor need to touch another.  However, I am a red blooded straight male, so of course I do find other women attractive, but to actually consider taking them as a lover is out of the question.  I realize for me, my wife being my lover is not merely a physical act.  It is part of the very fabric my life is woven from.  To risk all that is my daily reality for the short lived physical pleasure of a new conquest would go against every shred of wisdom I have gained from my years of life.\n\nWhom would I want as my close friend?\nSomeone who has a close relationship with God.  I am not perfect, so if we are to remain friends for a lifetime, they will need to be forgiving and loving.  The other advantage to having friends who have a real relationship with God is that the friends don't tend to make unhealthy demands of the relationship because they are being fulfilled through a spiritual relationship that no human relationship can fill.
13489
not a problem. married a woman that is 7 years older than me. and have a couple buddies that married older woman
495007
yep, Married him,,,,we were friends for like 4 yrs we ve been married for 1 yr 4 months and to be honest it is the best thing I could have ever done, it is working just so great we don´t need to pretend anything we know each other like the palms of our hands we still can talk like good friends listen to each other ,,The secret of it i guess is to keep on being best friends many ppl forget their spouse should also be a friend to them and limit their relationships ...he knows my past I know his and we don´t use it against each other instead we use it to understand the fears that may still be a part of us..=)....Nope we didn´t really feel atracted at first I was *engaged* , he had a gf...time went by I had another bf...broke up ...and then I began noticing I had fallen for him I asked him about his feelings and I was lucky he felt the same way for me..
658026
It seems that you have a VERY genuine friendship with this guy. Honestly, I think you should keep the friendship, simply because it is a solid foundation that will take mother nature to rip it apart. \n\nBut it sounds like you have a very deep interest in him. The longer you keep it bottled, the more it will consume you. The worst thing that could happen is that he tells you to go to hell, but I doubt that will happen. Be honest with him. One of two things will happen: you will remain close friends, or he will become your significant other. But if you have such a strong relationship, there is a possibility that it could blossom into matrimony. That comes with time though. If he says yes, GET TO KNOW HIM EVEN MORE!!!! Because if you rush into a deeper relationship, and major problems that never before existed come to light, chances are that you will lose the friendship as well, which could be a "double whammy." \n\nRight now you have someone in which you can confide, and you will always need someone like that. Be careful, and continue to use good judgment.\n\nGood luck to you.  :)\n\nP.S. (I met my wife in 1998 (college) and I was just like your friend; I still am. I would do ANYTHING for her. I don't doubt that your friend has that same mentality. Just go for it and find out what's there.)
683338
I have a really really best guy friend ( woman here), been friends for 5 yrs now. He has been w/ me thru everything. I am married now but b4 now, he wanted to be more than friends. Told him I didn't see it that way, it would ruin our friendship I thought. That if he didn't see it same way, we coulndt even be friends no more. Still friends today!..Some things are better left alone!
191982
Are you fairly young? If so, I think he most likely is trying to achieve longevity. He wants to stregnthen the friendship first, then will move on to a more intimate relationship. When you are young you go through many relationships, or bfs/gfs. I'm sure he realizes this & wants this relationship to last. So, he is trying to create a stable foundation for a successful & lasting relationship. My husband "loved" me since we were 15 yrs. old. I refused to be more than friends until the age of 18. I loved him, but I knew the likelyhood of it lasting forever at 15 yrs. old was not good. The result...we've been happily married for 8yrs. now! Good luck!!
697580
Just because your marriage of 25 years is "ok" doesn't mean you can't have a strong attraction to someone you describe. People change throughout their lives and it sounds to me like you're gay.To reiterate, that you have spent a pleasant 25 years with your wife says no more than this time has been tolerable. If you're saying (sounds like you are) that you've been feeling earth shattering passion and obsession about your married friend, it's fairly obvious.
1036599
I don't think married men are the only ones who have problems in this area. I think men AND women feel loss as they age.\n\nYoung people have a combination of hormones, urgency, risk-taking, idealism and the feeling of immortality as major drives in their personalities and relationships. After 50 years people of both sexes get more contemplative, desperate, depressed, settled, bored, lazy and their hormone levels don't really help them "push forward" into life from the INSIDE of their bodies. \n\nIf a person has made enough poor decisions before 45-50 years old they, many times, just give up on trying to re-invent their life and they begin to "settle". They become less "giving" and less spontaneous. They feel more emotionally fragile.....and sometimes "needy" at the same time.\n\nIf your wife was ever your best friend she should remain that way into old-age. Many couples were never REAL  friends to begin with....they just got a certificate declaring that they are married. Friendship lasts longer than certificates.\n\nYou cannot expect a woman who was having sex out of "obligation" to wedding vows to ever be a lover for life. The emotional/spiritual longings that you are writing about SHOULD still be there at any age, between friends. If you simply want a woman to stay as young and eager as a 30 year old, forever,  then you are going to be sadly disappointed.\n\nThe friendship aspect of a loving/married relationship is the most important building material in the foundation of a long-time relationship. Age will take away many things. Cross words and misunderstandings can hurt couples for many years. In the end, it is the friendship that will last.\n\nAnd a good friend will always be there for you to talk, touch and share intimacy.................on some level.\n\nJust don't expect things NEVER to change...........all things change.\n\n\nIt's how we respond to change that makes us available to/for the people we love and who love us.
613077
This was on Oprah today... Even tho they were married, but anyway...\n\nYes, your friend was not your friend.. A true, BEST friend would NEVER even consider it.  Give the "friend" and the "boyfriend" up and find new ones. You are better than that, and there are so many more people to meet! You are worth it!  Don't lower your standards for people who don't care about you and how you feel.  Never settle.  Good luck honey!
777970
I don't think it has to do with trust it seems that you are having troubles and he seems to be happy around another woman that would tick any wife off.  \nIf this is a new friendship than I would see warning bells...If it's an old friendship than you are usually safe they are just friends..  \nIf all of a sudden he's distant to you and attentive to her he's sharing with her and ignoring you than it's an emotional affair.\n\nA male friend of mine said to me that woman and men can not be friends he said the guy usually wanted to sleep with the woman.  I do not know how men work but to me I can just be a guys friend..\n\nI think you should talk to him about it like if this was you with  guy how would he feel?  \nMaybe a little counselling would also work wonders.
245304
No, it's certainly NOT okay. I think it is inappropriate for your wife to be spending a great deal of time with a male friend. If they have any reason to be discussing things quietly together (as you explained), they should do it in your presence or include you in the conversations. I think you should trust your gut instinct on this - you know it's wrong for her to be involved with this guy, but you probably hate to stir things up with your wife by complaining. Is there anyway you could learn to like him, accept him as a friend? If not, then you need to tell your wife how you feel. \n\nAs Princess Diana mentioned once...a marriage becomes a bit crowded with 3 people in it. It's meant for two. (who have become one...)
501252
Of course. That is healthy. Some, like friendships, can be dropped if not healthy or they've been outgrown. Others, such as marriage, will take work to keep healthy instead of using it as an excuse to fall back into our own selfish habits or to selfishly say that we aren't "in love" and leave.
753283
If you trust him yes just be careful, don't be nosy but if they want to hang out make sure he invites you.  You and hopefully he wouldn't want to loose 8 years over a old fling.
399985
I would seriously question if she is indeed your FRIEND at all.\n\nFriends do not advise us to do things that would be hurtful to ourselves or to our families.\n\nAs to would it be adultery YES it would being with someone other than your Husband is cheating.\n\nYou need to take a closer look at this so called friend.
1175034
from a 25 year olds opinion,yes. its because there was an intimacy. like a lost best friend. its normal. i often wonder how she is and if life is good for her even though i havent seen her in 8 years.
547846
i have 2 friend whose wife is about ten years older than them. They are all happy with their families, so i think age does not matter as long as love binds them.