How do I deal with his ex-wife when she and I were friends and she says I'm not allowed around her children?
477590
She is just feeling protective over her mother role.  She is their momma and she doesn't want you to try and fill her shoes or play mommy.  It is very delicate.  No matter what she did in her marriage doesn't matter.  Please be respectful not to push her about being around HER kids.  Respect the fact that she doesn't want you around them right now.  They shouldn't see you two together unless it is very serious.  I didn't introduce my daughter to her now step-dad until I was sure we were going to stay together.  They don't need to see different women in daddy's life.  You don't know how long you two will last just yet.  Give it time!!!!Don't tell her to back off or anything like that, you have no right to.  If you care at all about your b/f respect her wishes!!!  She'll come around if you do.  Don't make it worse, it is a delicate situation!!!  Why would you move in?  This isn't something that should be taken lightly.  Are you even engaged to him?  Like I said, the kids shouldn't see women in daddy's life unless it is serious enough as marriage is!  Sounds like you know you'll disrespect her wishes anyway!  Why ask then, if you are moving in?
1167349
If you can't be friends with him without "wanting" him you need to back away and respect the woman who is now his wife.  He chose her not you and the bond that they have now is sacred.   \n\nYou will find someone else to love you and treat you right but first you need to get over what you can't have and learn to love yourself.
1043451
WOW~ greygoose martini hit the nail on the head.  I have always said the same thing!  Choose the mother or father of your children wisely so that you won't have to deal with any of this.\n\nMy view of this whole issue is that most people try to hurt the other through their children.  I hope that you aren't one of those people who just try to make your ex's life miserable. My sister is going through some stuff and her ex is a big jerk who says he is going to make her life a living hell until their child is 18.   He is just mad because she finally got the nerve to leave him after years of mental abuse.  Even the mediator said they won't have anything else to do with him because he is so meanspirited.\nHe says he is looking out for the best interest of his child but then he can't control himself not to call my sister names and say bad things about her to his child. \n He says he is going to quit his job so that she doesn't have any way of getting the support.  He would cut off his nose despite his face...what a loser.
717524
How the heck can anyone have X children?\n\nIf these are the children of a former spouse and not his biologically, then he sounds like a wonderful and generous man who will be good to you as well- so leave him alone.\n\nIf these are HIS children with a former spouse, then he sounds like a wonderful and generous man who will be good to you as well- so leave him alone.\n\nEither way, this is not an argument you will EVER win.  Even if his kids are taking advantage of him- it's none of your concern - So leave him alone.
1153013
BUTT OUT!!!! \n\nHe is going to have a relationship with his ex FOREVER. Get over it now. His kids are most important. If you get mad then its because you are immature. Do not come between his children and ex, otherwise you'll also be an ex.
982650
Have you and the ex-wife had altercations before?  If that has happened I can see how he would be leery of having you join him in court for fear of another ill-feeling event.\n\nBUT - despite that...it doesn't mean he's 100% right.  The ex-wife should not have control over whether you go or stay and by telling you not to go - he's giving the ex wife control.\n\nYou are his wife and he should trust you enough to know that if you and the ex did enter into an argument in the past...you understand the intensity of this court battle and you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it.  \n\nTalk to him about it again and assure him you won't do or say anything out of line and express you just want to be able to support him.  If he still says "NO" then leave it alone.  He's already under a ton of stress I'm sure and the last thing he needs is another argument.
1099557
Be nice to her, but you don't have to be friends.\nHer Ex is YOUR husband and not hers anymore.\nWhy is she still hanging around?\nShe is intruding on on your marriage.\nKeep her at a distance and ask your husband\nwhy he still needs her?\nBe civil and polite but do not make her to comfortable\nin your` life.\nThe things she said to you and about you to others\nare still in her head. Even if she has apologized, she \nshould get her own life and let the two of get on with yours.
421609
I'm with you in the same boat, maybe worse!  My ex's bimbo is set to the fact that their was NO life before her and HER kids - my ex and I had a son, who is now 8, and she won't allow him into THEIR house, and he allows her to treat him like that.  They do things with HER kids, and neglect our son.  She's a B**** in CAPS
945268
sit down with your girl friend and explain that your ex wife has realized that she still has feelings for you although you do not have feelings for her any longer... explain that you do not want to cause your exwife any more pain than she has all ready caused herself... tell her that you would respect her feelings in the same situation... ask her to be patient for a while longer\n\nyour girl friend is probably still very unsure of herself in this relationship even though you co habitate... do your best to re assure her of your affections\n\nif this problem persists you might also try sitting down with your ex wife and explaining that your girl friend is not happy with the situation and ask her if she will consent to one meeting... for a few minutes only\n\nyou are being pulled in two different directions by the women in your life... you seem to be handling the situation well...  trying to be considerate of both women's feelings... in this case one of your ladies will have to give... or you will have to take matters into your own hands and force one of them to back down... but be very careful if you choose to do that... you may cause hard feelings in someone
1106675
I watched another woman and my (ex) husband break up my marriage. She tried to control and manipulate my kids, as well as my in-laws. After our divorce,they got married. As the years went by, my kids began to hate their step mother, and realized what I had said about their step mother were true. I ran into my ex-husbands wife after she went on vacation (without my ex). She told me that she wished she hadn't have came back, and also wished she never married my ex. From what my kids say, my ex is miserable with his wife. They've been married for 18 yrs. He won't divorce her 'cuz he knows she'll take him for everything he's got. She's told the kids that if she divorces their dad, she'll take him for everything he has.  Karma is a wonderful thing!
1017434
It sounds like your daughter is letting her man's dominance and insecurities come between her and her brother. They are blood and nobody should interfere in that bond nor should she let them. That is extremely childish of them both. They are obviously in a different state with a new life and baby, so what threat does your sons friendship with her ex possibly hold. It's not as though he was going with him. Your son must have been so disappointed and hurt. The day will come when she needs her brother and if he chooses not to be there that will be her own responsibility. Your son has the right to maintain his friendships, especially those that have lasted 10 yrs as this one has. He has shown far more maturity in leaving the problems between his friend and sister to them and not taking sides than she is currently showing. You are not wrong at all. If I were you, I would be very disappointed in her and the decision she made.
1159396
You know it would be nice if we weren't adult and we could go around beating the crap out of people's faces..... This would be a perfect time to beat the crap out of someone....lol\n\nWhat I would do is call her. Tell her it's none of her business who you do or don't marry and you could careless if she thought your new hubby was a hunk or not. Tell her to keep her mouth shut around your daughter. That is very RUDE that she said that too your child no matter her age. I would tell her that. You might need to have a talk with your EX's and find out what the deal is. No step mother or girlfriend has the right to say anything about you. If that don't work beat her tail!\nI done got mad and can't type now.\nGood Luck!
658545
I'm so sorry you had to hear that. There's really no clear way you can cope and deal with that. Is there no more possibily of a reconciliation or anything? If that's the case, then just let her go. It'll be hard, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to be a hindrance to her happiness.\n\nPray for strength and guidance and focus on your kids. Be strong for them. \n\nGoodluck.
1082287
You should have a discussion first with your friend.If she's doing this to you then she's not your friend but your enemy!\nAnd talk to your ex too.Tell him what you feel for him.Maybe he feels the same way.Talking to him is the only way to clear things out...
883001
The first and only thing you need to worry about is getting your life back on track...lose the friend that you think is two faced...and call and write to your daughter as often as possible...My ex husband has my son so I know where you are coming from.  I don't know what your ex. is getting at by saying you would have a "ruined" daughter on your hands but sounds to me like HE is the ruined one and he has failed to provide her with the love and attention that she needs to grow and feel emotionally confident.  Get your self financially stable in your own home and all that jazz...then after a couple of years of calling and writing and visiting as often as you can maybe you and your daughter will begin to rebuild your relationship and find the love that has been forgotten through the divorce...In other words your child needs to know that she is loved!  So you need to SHOW that you love her!
959946
this is a tough one.  its hard to find your balance after a divorce.  do you think he wants you back or is he trying to maintain some kind of friendship?  i think you should just tell him.  if he severs contact with the kids then maybe thats not such a bad thing for them.  why should they have to deal with a sometimes dad who doesnt put them first?  if he is that immature then maybe they are better off.  it is hard to make decisions that may do harm on your kids especially when they are too young to truly understand.  my ex does the same thing.  i just limit the contact as much as possible.  also when he calls, you could just put one of the kids on the phone.  eventually he would get the point.  good luck.
613172
First of all I cant stand my husbands ex either and 2nd of all if she talked to my kids like that i would have to whip her ass for sure! Just think of this he doesnt want her anymore you got him and she cant bear the fact he needs to say something to her and tell her to stay out of his life that he is happy now and that the only thing in thier lives is the kids! He should be the one telling her to butt out of your lives! He can talk to his lawyer and explain to him that she and her whole family are harrassing him and his new family and kids and it might help I feel for you girl cause I have been through hell with my husbands ex also! Do not let her and her family talk to your kids anyway at all DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!! You could tell the cops that they are harrassing your kids and hav ethem scare them some or put a restraining order against them! They are adults and they in noway should be saying anything to your kids!!!!!! and tell your BF if he cant take care of this problem with you then you have to move on with your life! I know how hard this is and Good Luck WHIP HER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!