I'm ready for a baby, but my husband isn't. How can I change his mind or find more patience?
488460
At first I was going to answer that you can never convince him, but then I remembered I was the same exact way.  We waited and waited for the right time.  Guess what, the right time never comes.  There is always an excuse.  If it was clearly a stated goal of the marriage, it is time to stop waiting and get on with it.  Put your foot down.  Now, here are a few things to convince him.  \n\n1)  It took us over a year for my wife to get prego.  \n\n2)  Once you have the kid your life stops as you know it.  It takes years and years before you can start living as adults again.  The longer you wait to have kids, the older you are when you can start having fun again.  People without kids never realize this.  You have years of diapers, puke, illness, and finding a sitter.  If we had started earlier, we'd be almost free by now.  Draw him a time line, does he want to be 40 and free from kids or 50?
318547
Another woman who kept secrets from her husband . . . \n\nDon't tell him a thing . . . and have fun . . . if you don't get pregnant . . . after a few (3-5) years . . . tell him that you are going to the doctors . . . and then after 6-8 months . . . tell him that the doctor said that you can not get pregnant . . . tell him you are sorry . . . and ask him will you still love me.
292778
I have had the same problem with my husband.  Here's how I've handled it...\n\n1)  Don't nag.  He'll just resent you for it.\n2)  Suggest that the two of you go out and buy the tools and other items you need to start a project.  Nothing makes a man happier than buying new tools!\n3)  If he doesn't start the project after he's bought the necessary equipment, then YOU start it (even if you have no clue what you are doing).  Once he sees you about to "mess" something up, he'll HAVE TO HELP!\n\nGood luck!
874534
You can relax and go a whole lot easier on yourself.\n\nBabys cry and fuss. Even the best parents are frustrated by their inability to understand the baby. They cry for no reason. Sometimes they cry just because they need to cry. \n\nAll you can do is to have your husband and yourself spend as much time with the baby as you can. Spend as much time together with eachother and the baby too. The time is necessary for bonding and to learn about eachother. \n\nThis baby is a strange alien being that definately does not speak the language. You and your husband need some more time too to feel comfortable together. The three of you just need time and rest. \n\nLike most people, you are probably trying to achieve an awful lot in careers and in life outside of the home. You might want to think about priorities and see if both of you can devote more time to family and slow down outside. More rest and more loving family time will probably make all of you feel more like family.\n\nLook at your committments/ house/ mortgage/ payments/ income/ bills/ nanny/ expenses/ etc etc etc and see what you can do without. Maybe you can actually cut back and have more with less.\n\nThere is a great website "www.amoneyminute.com"  from Crown Financial Ministries. They can help you think about raising a family and having time to learn to be with your kids. Who knows, you might find a way to have a great time raising a bunch of really happy kids and a really happy family too.\n\nI imagine that there are a lot of familys that have cultural friction when one partner is asian and the other is american. We americans are over confident and pretty pig headed (you can tell him it is a cultural thing) After all we have been used to having things our way for the last hundred years, and in America, that is forever.\nYou might look for a asian/american christian church in your area. They usually have couples counciling. And there will probably be other asian wives that have american husbands who can relate with your situation. They should be able to help.\n\nJesus loves you Dear. -----and so does your husband, I bet!
738098
If you have to think about it, then you aren't ready. There is no harm in waiting.  If he loves you he will wait and be patient.
347882
unfortunately it is a normal thing for all marriages to go through exactly what you are describing to us here.\nI say unfortunately, because we all have this GRAND idea what it is to have a baby, but when it actually happens and it is JUST like you described, we all flake out and act like you do..Yes even some dads feel the same way..\nyou need a good support unit around you.\nDO you live near any family at all. they NEED to be brought in to help out... at some time in the day tiem for you, so you CAN go to the gym and have some time to yourself..you NEED to work out for your body ..but also for your mind..this way you will met other girls and talk to them..new friendships, others with the same things going on..or just meet people and talk...\nat night..so you and your hubby can do what ever ( wink, wink ) or go and watch the sun go down then go out to eat...or a movie without worrying about the baby..or the baby interrupting you two at those moments..\nPlease listen to me and do what I ask of you..\nnow if you do not have any family near you..you need to find reliable people you can really trust with your baby for the times I suggested to you..and let them take care of her for you so you can get back on track..\nlastly,maybe you should go and talk to you doctor if after you do what I am asking you to do does not do it for you..\nnow really last..you also need to dress up at home..yes dress up at home for you, but more for him...he needs to see you looking GREAT when he is there..makes him hot for you.\ngive him special attention ( you know what I mean ) you know how guys are..they need more attention than girls do....but do not admit it..\nbuy him a flower, give it to him when the baby goes down for a nap..then..well you know what..make him feel so fantastic ..he will start giving you it back..the ball goes round and round..what goes around comes around..even if you have to work a little harder than normal to get him happy..in the long run he will give you more of what you want and need.\nGood Luck\nand God Bless the three of you
574189
He may be feeling like these are his last days of "freedom" and the ability to come and go as he pleases.  You can't make him stay home with you, he'll only wind up resenting the situation.  All you can do is tell him honestly what your needs are and that even though the baby has not arrived yet, his presence with you helps you feel secure and less anxious of the future.  A guys night out even once a week or so is not bad.  But if he's out all of the time, you need to find out why he is reluctant to spend this quality time together.  Also, can you compromise by the two of you going out together sometimes?\n\neditted to add:\nAnd dear lord, do not let people tell you that pregnant women can not be sexy or that you are used goods.  You have a precious life growing inside and any real man would recognize that for the miracle that it is.  A less confident man may not.  Also, I got pg out of wedlock.  I am now happily (usually, lol) married with 2 beautiful children and even if the future would change with my husband, I would never ever regret the experience because I have the 2 greatest joys of my heart sleeping upstairs from me.
604066
I actually just told my husband to leave me alone the other day,but he asked me what was wrong and I said,'hormones...just leave me alone'. He did though and I felt better after having some time to myself. I think your husband needs to realize that no one is happy all of the time. We all need time to ourselves and it is good for you and good for the marriage to be able to take this time. As for having a big blow-out about it...I would've walked away. I don't take that crap anymore. It isn't worth it to me to talk til I'm blue in the face,trying to explain 'why'. I shouldn't have to. An argument doesn't really get you anywhere. I tend to wait until things have settled down and then have a conversation about it and find out what he is feeling then. I gave up a long time ago on trying to justify myself to him. We actually have a better marriage this way. Good luck to you.
47730
I have found, most times, that patience just cannot be mustered. It is then that I ask God to overwhelm my petty irritations in the light of His Love. God will then adjust your point of view regarding the situation so that patience comes as a natural, or supernatural outflow.
489656
Just enjoy it. Do you know how happy he will be to know that you are carrying his child? It will give him hope and inspiration to come home soon. Another reason to live, when he feels he can't go on. I know that's the way it was with me and my husband. He told me all he thought about everyday was me and our kids, and the unborn baby that he wanted so badly to get a chance to know. Take my advice, you can handle it. Keep the home fires burning for him.
1026507
well you married young and then did not wait to have a child.  You both basically did not give eachother any time to grow together, to understand eachother wants and needs in life.  We all change physically and mentally as we grow older.  Financial reponsibilties can also harm a healthy relationship.  After the honeymoon is over and reality and responibilty settles in the vows that you both took together becomes very obscure every passing day.  Together with Love, Compromise, Commitment and Sharing Responibilties makes a Marriage work.  Marriage is a hell alot of work, which non of us realize it before we take on it.  It takes two to Tango, are you both willing too?\n\nAfter a child some men feel being neglected, because now they have to share their wivies with their kid(s).  Yes we men are big babies.  Talk it over, make time for eachother.\n\nBefore involving a marriage consuelor, talk it over without being judgemental (not easy), make a list of things that you both have now started to dislike about eachother.  Work towards changing some and make compromises on the others.  Go back to the basics, think about what made you like this person what was it? the touch, the feel, the look, the smell....  Try to be more creative in the bedroom and not judgemental.  If you don't like something he wants, politely tell him why and he should do that same.\n\nI hope you got some good advice on here, and good luck.
921428
Bring out his BAD side.  Make him seem incapable of raising the baby and show that you are better capable.  It works effectively.  Good Luck\nA.L.
1048752
get over it, he's human.  try being a wonderful loving wife, and less of a nagging, please be more perfect for me wife.  your already married, accept him for who he is right now, and you will be surprised how fast he changes.  if you want to change something someone is doing, change yourself first.  they will have to change to fit into the new equation.  what if you did something he did not like, do you really want to brow beat each other your whole marriage, or do you want to enjoy him.. what if he died tomorrow, you really think he will be on his death bed thinkin of women he looked at, or his loving wife and child?
414632
i'm still relatively newlywed (almost 2 years) and so far nothing has been difficult. but I think we both still make the other's needs a priority so that may be the part we actually have to remember to do later... or the part that will not come as naturally once we get lazy, bored, or have kids.
1050480
My husband and I at the same point in our lives..I am 37 and he is 36...My clock is almost finished ticking...I too am scared....(I don't understand why especially when 17 and 18 year old are having babies).   I find it especially hard when my friends and I get together...they all talk about their children and well I talk about my two dogs...I do feel uncomfortable...at times.  I think about having children on and off....I always put it off by saying it's not the right time or 'I say next year'...  I am happy at this point in my life and not sure after 17 years of marriage that a child would be a good idea...I just don't know...My husband says he does not want any children...but I do know he would make a great father....It is a hard choice  that I need to make quickly and I will have to make it soon  or time will run out....
565482
Many things are possible. Keep up the hope and I'm sure that it'll happen. Wish you and your hubby all the best!
998303
Think long and hard about this. If he knows you're pregnant there's got to be a reason he's holding out. Communication is the key... find out where is head is first. You never know, he may be planning to ask you.