My wife refuses both physical and emotional intimacy. What should I do? I don't feel loved.?
490430
Make an appointment with Her, plan out the date and the time.  Write it on Your calender, and have Her put it in Her itinerary.  Tell Her You Love Her and You want to make this the best Marriage it can be.  Tell Her to prepare/write down five ideas that She may have.  You write down Your ideas as well.  When the time comes, sit close to Her, hold Her hand ,or put Your hand gently on Her face, to keep Her attention. Then tell Her how You feel, what You need, and tell Her to put You on the itinerary, tell Her to schedule You in, and give Her  certain dates and times, that You Both can share One on One time.  If it's in the itinerary, she has to do it.  You Love Her, or You wouldn't be looking for an answer.  Your a good man, maybe You should answer to question about the Woman with the Cheating Husband, She could stand to know that there are Men like You out there. \n\nMany Men Wouldn't Love That Much. . . .GOD Bless
942323
Wow, I give you a lot of credit! I would have lost my patience a long time ago. I think before you look elsewhere for physical contact, suggest going to counseling with your wife. She obviously has some issues she needs to overcome and you should try to stick by her while she works them out. If she refuses to go to counseling, I would be very tempted to get out of the relationship rather than cheat which is only going to complicate things further. Good luck!
1018180
honestly i know how u feel, but trying to "control" the situation, that iswhat u r doing, will only make mattersworse, shewill go into further rebellion, and things in the marriage will go down hill.   part of Love is free and what holds it together is trust (and God) but if you don't have either of these it will never last.  you need to let her do her thing( not saying im choosing sides)  but if you let love go and its true love it will come back.  if you smother and squeeze it, it will flee from you.  as hard as it is, you need to give her what she needs (space and freedom) she is in the wrong ( married people do not belong at BARS).  LET GO OF THE REIGNS bite your tongue, and tell her go ahead (just pray when shes out that she will come to realize its not the place to be. good luck
527232
Wow!  That's a tough spot to be in.  Now, you're probably not going to like what I have to say but I wouldn't be doing you any favors if I sugar-coated it so here goes:  \n\nI would suggest you take her to a sexual health therapist.  A good therapist will have special training to help her through this.  You wife has nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to be embarassed about.  Pain during sex is very common and a good therapist will help her work out just how much of this is psychological and how much is actually physical.  \n\nIf I were you, I wouldn't even sort of suggest that it's "all in your head" to her but, well, you probably already knew that, right?\n\nGood Luck!
1171086
It sounds like you're lonely and craving an understanding and intimacy that you're not getting from you wife.  Before you make a huge decision that will alter yours and many other people's lives, really think about what you're thinking about doing.  My guess is that you and your wife had a very passionate relationship that cooled down after you married.  Once you married, life's monotonous routine got in the way of passion and communication.  Now you're looking outside the marriage for that spark.\n\nBefore you act, do yourself and your wife a favor and talk to her.  Be honest about your feelings.  Maybe her job/friends/family etc... consume all her energy.  Maybe you'll find that she's just as lonely as you are.  Give her a chance to work with you to make your marriage work.  If you feel you can't talk to her, then suggest couples counseling.  If that fails, then I would consider the possibility of ending the marriage.  But before making that decision, please please please give you and her a chance.  Don't give up yet!
77831
Read this article about emotional cheating.\n\nhttp://www.nydailynews.com/front/v-pfriendly/story/335439p-286396c.html\n\nYou're a brave man to put your - and your kid's picture - on the net, next to this question. Let's hope your wife and all of her friends can't read. ;-) Do you want her to find out? Is this a cry for help? A way of starting a conversation? I am not judging you, I am only asking because I can't understand it completely but I admire the frankness and openness in it.\n\nGood luck!
395632
How bout trying candle light?  She will think you are being romantic and you will get some reprieve.  And how about offering to work out w/ her?  Take some long walks or join the gym, maybe it will strengthen your relationship in more ways than you know!  You'll get a shapely wife, and maybe your relationship will get stronger for the time to spent together!
156076
There are a lot of reasons women lose interest in sex.  Depression is a big one.  How old is your child?  Could this be postpartum depression?  Some prescription drugs can cause loss of sexual appetite as well.  \n\nAre you showing her attention outside of the bedroom?  Women crave intimacy and many of us need to talk or just be listened to in order to feel like we are important to our spouse.  \n\nAre you making her feel like she is the number one priority in your life? Other than God, your wife should come before EVERYTHING ELSE in your life.  YES, this includes your job, friends, parents, kids, sports, TV & even your computer.  She must "FEEL" loved.\n\nAre you speaking her "Love Language"?  Gary Chaspman wrote a book called the "The Five Languages of Love".  Every married person should read this book.  It helps us understand how to express I love you to our spouse in a way that they will get the message on a regular basis.  There are five love languages that are discussed:\n  1.  Words of Affirmation - Praise her, tell her how great she looks,  tell her what a good job she is doing, ect.\n  2.  Quality Time - One on one paying attention to her needs, wants and desires.\n  3.  Receiving Gifts - Buy her stuff: flowers, jewlery, candles, lingerie, goodies, nic-naks, etc.\n  4.  Acts of Service - Do stuff for her:  Wash the dishes, cook dinner, rub her back, run her errands, take your kid to the park so she can take a nap, anything to lighten her load.\n  5.  Physical touch - NOT SEX!  Touch her in a way that is not going to lead to sex.  Let her know that you enjoy being close to her even if you may not get some right away.  This is kind of like banking.  You can't get money out of the ATM if you haven't made any deposits.  Make deposits in your wifes "love bank" and soon there will be enough to make a withdrawl.\n\nThe last thing that I thought of is maybe she doesn't feel sexy after having a baby if her shape is not as cute as it was or she is just plain tired and needs a rest.  Make sure you complement her in a sincere way so she feels like she is still pretty and desirable.  \n\nDo you have a relative who can babysit for you?  A weekend away just might do the trick.  Make it romantic and cater to her needs.  Light candles, use massage oils, sprinkle rose petals on the bed and make sure she knows that a romantic interlude is going to be ALL about her.  Her wants, desires, needs.  Don't worry, you'll still get yours in the end and she will be a much happier wife.\n\nHAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE!!!  Make her happy!
151140
Honestly, I see this as a need for marriage counseling.  Your wife is suffering from a mental illness that should be treated, either by medication or therapy or both.  In the meantime, she is not a psychologist nor is she a medical doctor and has no right diagnose you, not to mention she has no medical schooling for such a thing.  Furthermore, I think she is projecting her issue onto you.  You may be depressed but if you are it sounds to me like you are situationally depressed, not clinically.  But, I'm not a doctor and don't have you as a patient in any case so I couldn't swear such a thing.  The time for the counseling is RIGHT NOW though so make that appointment.  If you cannot afford it then you would contact your county mental health agency and they likely have a sliding fee payment plan so don't feel like the option of counseling is not available to you.
211675
I can relate to your question. Last week my wife of over 20 years told me that she was not in love with me anymore. She said she loves me but is not in love with me. I have spent some time in the local library doing some reading regarding relationships. I would recommend the same to you. What I have found is several things. 1st is communication you have to talk. 2nd look back at some of the things that made you a happy couple in the past and try and find out what has changed. 3rd if there are things about you that your husband is trying to change to make him love you than he doesn't... My issues are simple. my wife wants me to be something I am not. I am not her auto mechanic. I am not her errand boy and I am not her handy man. I told her that projects are fine if we do them as a team. but don't expect me to always mow the lawn, paint the house clean the garage clean the attic etc... We are a couple and couples do things together. maybe it's time to look at your relationship like your roomates? take equal responsibilities for what you have. Become an equal to him. If he is the bread winner then better yourself. Find a job that makes you more the equal. take on more responsibility. If the car breaks take it to the shop and get it fixed. Go out with him more often, take time to date again. Find things that you both have in common and do them. Find new things that you can do together...Relationships are an ever changing part of life so keep on living. if it alls fails then get out. Don't be miserable for the rest of your lives. Maybe read the book "falling out of love" read it from cover to cover. It's a short book follow the examples and see what happens.
1085206
oh man i feel sorry for you. i think she is stressed out about something. do you pay attention to her? take her out, just the two of you, somewhere romantic. do more things together. talk to eachother at night before falling asleep. dont let this go on forever. if you dont talk to her then she will think everything is okay and will continue.\noh gosh. i feel horrible. when i get stressed out and really tired at night, i become really mean. and its not that its directed towards my husband. i just cant deal with doing stuff when im tired. i get really angree about anything. i wish i can stop. im working on it. i told my husband that he needs to tell me to stop when it gets out of control.\ni think its hormone too. your wife might be doing this becus of her lady hormones.\nthe best thing to do is sit down and talk to her about this situation. dont let her continue like this. be supportive of her and tell her you will help her. if she gets upset becus you want to help her, that is just normal rejection. continue to be supportive.
936117
talk to your wife about spicing up your love life.\nyou never know, she might be just as lonely as you are, but before that maybe you should try to find out and understand why she's so against sex.\ngood luck!!
90436
Women in their 40's often to experience a drop off in their sexual drives. They are often concerned about getting pregnant at a time when they are moving on past the childbearing years and concerned that if they get pregnant there will be a high risk of genetic defects. They are also experiencing a decline in physical energy compared to their younger years. Considering these factors, the lack of interest is probably not related to the relationship so much as her own body's aging. However, intimacy is much more than what happens in the marriage bed. It is what happens through the day. Improve that, and you will inevitably improve both emotional and physical closeness.\n\nYou need to consider your wife's personality. If you are not sure, research love languages. There is a book by that title if you cannot find any onformation on the net. Basically, some people feel best loved when given things. Others feel loved best through words spoken. The third type feel most loved by spending time with them. The last type feels loved through gifts of service.\n\nFor my type of personality and age (I am 42), a racy sex toy would not be a turn on. I would feel like the gift was a shout saying let's skip real intimacy and get to the sex part. Intimacy to me is based on an emotional relationship as first place. My love language is time. One on one time doing activities that are out of the ordinary to everyday life would draw me closer. A hand in hand walk through the neighborhood, a surprise candle-lit dinner, being beside me in the work of the day around the house, etc.\n\nIf you speak the language your wife needs, I am sure intimacy will increase. As conversation allows a natural discussion of it, communicate what language you like best. It will make her feel good to be filling your emotional love needs too.
662123
You need to learn to communicate with each other, especially your feelings.  It is possible that for some reason your wife is not trusting you, or is angry with you.  You need to let her know how you feel (frustrated? unconfortable? confused? bewildered?  Only you can know your own feelings).  You also need to explore her feelings with an open mind and heart.\n\nOnce you have had an honest and open exchange about your feelings, only then should you explore the matter at hand.  Sharing your feelings can "tenderize" you and make you more receptive to each other's point of view.
967557
I sincerely hope you aren't confusing toughness for indifference.  I was married to someone who didn't express his feelings.  We did stay together for six years, but knowing how I felt and how similar it is to what you are going through, I hope you aren't in store for a world of hurt.\n\nPlease talk to him openly and let him know your concerns.  You should definitely do this sooner than later - when it would hurt even more if it isn't what you want to hear.  \n\nI wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.  Just remember that sometimes when we look back it's the unanswered prayers that we are grateful for...
424076
sounds like you need marriage counseling. i do not understand how the sex can still be great when the emotional connection is gone and you have doubts as to his feelings. marriages grow and change as the twwo of you do. he may need to renegotiate the way yours works and just doesn't know how. it may sound trite but read dr phil relationship rescue it helped a friend of mine. if he won't go to a therepist you should still go yourself to work out how you feel.
327845
The question you need to answer is WHY are you having a big problem reaching a clim** with your wife?  Have you talked with her about what's going on with you?  How do you think SHE feels?  Put ROMANCE into your marriage ... ask her if she'll dress up especially for you and see if that makes a difference.  It may also help you to seek professional help, but with your feeling "old" at 57 (which ISN'T!) I think you and your wife have just gotten into a rut.  Good luck!