How do I teach my lazy son to be more responsible?
476006
I have no doubt that you have been trying to instill values of the clean nature in him for a long time. Here he is almost 18 and has yet to adapt. Soooo, I am relatively sure you are asking for help, but not expecting any miracles. You know that you have probably already exhausted every avenue that any one of us might tell you. I have sons also, and when you describe your son its as if you were talking about one of my boys. I have no solution for you,... I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this aspect. There is one thing you can "teach yourself" though that might eliminate some of your frustration about him. Don't take it personnel when he does this! Save your energy. Choose your battles! Keep instilling the lesson of what he needs to know, but don't worry about him not doing it. Try a role change with him on occasions,... when he needs you to do something, tell him "just a minute", or "I will get on that soon", or "I meant to do that, but forgot", ...throw his lines back at him and watch him get frustrated. Its good clean amusement for you, I promise!  My boys, and I am sure your son, too, are 'good' people, and yes, lazy people. But as long as he is staying out of real trouble, you really have no problems compared to some Moms out there. They do grow up, and when you go to their homes in the future, he will make you proud. I know!!! You are me, 14 years ago. Hang in there, its going to be alllllright!
205976
yeah im working on this too but my parents are all about grades and shit not that stuff. uhhh what im doing, and it seems to be working, is to take more responsibility and like do crap around the house without them asking. come home when ur told, do stuff u wouldnt normally do, make sure u can do everything to help them out that u possibly can. suck up, be a tool, good luck.
865964
Help him (or her) to find things that he's good at.  Compliment him on things he does do well--simple things like shoe-tying, buttering bread, taking turns, etc.   Get him to help you with things and when you do don't say "will you..." say "I need you to..."   It's great for kids to feel needed.  And mostly, just love him.
13274
If someone is always idling and being lazy the\nproblems could be related to his friend circle and\nfamily. He should be helped to get involved in\nsolving puzzles, reading, physical activities like\nsports ( preferably team sports ). Reading about the\nhistory of subjects one wants to study also helps.\nInteresting toys, repairing gadgets, doing/building\nmodels also help in generating a keen interest.\nIn general the problem is of arousing interest and\npassion for something. Which can be solved by \necouraging him to live a active life rather than a \npassive one. ( e.g. Learning to play a musical\ninstrument rather than listening to music.\nParticipating in a drama / performance rather\nbeing just a part of the crowd. Learning to\nwrite programs than just playing the games on\ncomputer. Learning to perform magic, learing\nto draw cartoons instead of watching cartoons.\n\nHelp him in developing an interest in some hobby.\nAgain I would repeat, prefer a hobby involving\ndoing things rather than merely collecting things.\n\nEncourage him to get involved in team activities.\n\nOf course, this is a tough task requiring a lot of\nunderstanding and patience.\n\nWish you good luck!
207387
Keep him busy. Create an environment that does not allow smoking. Every day he should wash the dishes, vacuum the house, dust, clean the toilet, do the laundry, wash all the cars, etc. \nMake him physically understand that his behavior is unacceptable. You run the show. You are the parent...show him who is boss.
387490
Just wait, don't worry.  However, don't give him things unless he asks for them.  Like food.  I knew a guy who didn't talk until he was like 5 because he got everything he wanted without needing to talk.  Try refusing to give him what he wants.
226951
Your not being bossy, you are growing up and taking responsibility for your life.  I know it is probably hard for him to accept that he needs to grow up also but if he really loves you and his son then he needs to.  It simply is not ok to continue that life style when there are so many more important things in his life now.  He needs to understand that just because you are both growing older and you want to be more responsible isn't the end of all the fun in your lives.  It is just that the definition of fun needs to change.  It needs to be more family oriented.  Instead of going out partying till all hours of the night, you have friends over for a barbecue, you take a family trip, etc...
1141244
Tell him to get off his butt and support his family! If he is lazy, threaten to kick him out of the house. He's the man of the house, and he needs to pull his own weight more than anyone else.
848144
Girl, he IS going to look.  They literally can't help it.  I've watched mine try and it cracks me up everytime.  Now the gadget thing is another story.  If he's buying stuff when the rent's due, that shows a lack of maturity. Give him time to grow up a little and realize what the word "responsible" means.
740815
As much as SOME people like to pass it off as your attutude and actions, it isn't ENTIRLY your fault.  Try to get the kids to help clean, and work on reminding yourself not to leave a mess.  I also have ADD, so I understand how hard it is.  Unfortunatly, not all of us can rely on the meds.  You need to (possibly with professional help) learn to compensate for your problem.  For example, I have to remind myself that I can't throw my cloths on the bed, because I won't bother to remember that when I 'm washing clothes.  Good Luck!
1181244
it is too late for your son if you dont shape up.if you are prepared to change,your son will be an angel or else you will end up hating yourself for turning your son into whatever kind of deliqiunt he becomes.\nbe firm ....make sure that a no is a no.\nif you take something away from him ,keep it away till he makes up for it.\nif he swears,punish him(not physically)..taking away privileges,to bed without supper,etc usually work\nif he throws a tantrum,ignore him\nif he says he hates you,dont take it to heart,HE DOESNT\nif you give him a chore,ensure he does it.\n\nbeing firm will not make him hate you.it'll only make him respect you.\n\nyou will surely have to cry a lot the first few days,but soon they will be tears of joy...and no it isnt too late
884304
You need to be more responsible.\n\nStart now!
359029
Show them that actions have rewards and consequences and each individual is responsible for their own actions. Teach them this by setting clear rules with clear consequences when not followed and rewards when they are. It's really as simple as "if you want me to do this, then I expect you to do that" or "I let you have xyz freedom and you didn't follow the rules, so you will have to re-earn xyz freedom"\nMy friend has a teen son who repeatedly takes her car and brings it home hours late without even calling her, I told her to tell him " I'm sorry, you are not allowed to use my car, because I can't depend on you to get it home on time. Find another way to go" If she would show him that she planned to stick to it, he would learn. But she never stood by any rules, that's why he does her that way. You don't have to be mean, just firm and consistent.
520202
make him clean the whole house
1058179
Read to them and teach them to do things..any simple thing like making a grilled cheese sandwich or sorting laundry ....opens dialog and helps them with the learning process. Besides it can be good quality time together.
550531
My son had/has ADHD...he is now 19. I would give him a cup of strong coffee or 1/2 an espresso, which counteracts the hyperactivity. He told me that the 'rushing' feeling inside of him was gone, so he didn't feel so restless and could focus on tasks.\n\nAlso, having a list of activities/tasks/responsiblities for the child can help structure their day. As soon as I used to see that idle glare in his eye I would suggest something from the list. As he got older he would look at the list himself instead of me having to suggest choices. \n\nAnother thing is since my son was very physical, when we were out in public if he was too restless I would make him do 5 back-flips, which would use-up that energy. You could use push-ups, jumping jacks, whatever the child can do or is age/situation appropriate.\n\nI always carried a Rubic's Cube or some type of puzzle game once my son was older too, when we were in situations where sitting/waiting were involved i.e. dr's office/dentist, etc.\n\nGood Luck!
548042
My apologies. If you wanted a magic elixer to do it all, there isn't any.\n\nThe only tools available to you is discipline, get your 10 yr old to do some housework for pocket money and use your freezer to store some ready meals to pull out, nuke and put on the table.\n\nTidying up is about something that is always happening with kids. Look at what the kids play with and how and work out if a container can be used to improve tidying. For example my sons use two large containers for their Lego and soldiers and scenes. This then puts the responsibility on my boys to put there toys back in the boxes when ever it's needed. Tidying is something that should be done in a "bit here, bit there" as this is far more efficient and better appearance than leaving things and then have a large mess to clean.\n\nCleaning needs another method of "divide and conquer". Divide your house up into areas that then are completed at certain times during your week with areas like the kitchen bench completed at the begining of a cleaning session. Get yourself some labour saving devices as well to speed things up. We have 14 clothes backets, 2 or 3 spares in the laundry ready to go. One maybe for the top of the clothes hamper to stop clothes overflowing. One maybe two beside the washing machine for when washing day arrives. Clothes come off the clothes line then the folding, ironing, putting away might be a little while so their stacked and stored. Even when they are given to the kids to put away, if the kids forget or your not on top of it you limit the mess. Even putting big toys in them in the kids rooms.\n\nA dinner ready to go is about cooking your food at a time when things are easy. Examples are cooking the sauce of Spagetti Bolonaise then cool and freezing it. Buy angel hair spagetti which cooks the quickest and drag out the sauce, put it through the microwave ta-dah. There are lots of these and if you have a Croc-Pot you can load it with meat and vegies in the morning and serve with bread rolls at dinner. The very nice people in the recipe answer forum could roll out some for you as well.\n\nAs for you not having energy, would that mean your continually tired, go and see your doc about it and make sure about plenty of sleep, food and a multivitamin.\n\nHope this helps.