Those of you abused as children--do the memories/pain get stronger in your 30's?
489199
was abused by my father, but was able to forgive him. but if you are unwilling to try the best forgiveness ever given. then you will carry this pain for ever in you and it will suffacate you. please think about finding true forgiveness before this destroys your life. God helped me and my father threw axes, hoes, and tried to run me over. yet hold no grudge.
349013
Basically, while the abuse was actually happening, she just had to survive and live through it.  Now her brain is trying to process the emotions and cope with what happened to her.  Do not take any offense that the dreams involve you hurting her.  It is not personal.  She was hurt by the people who were supposed to love and protect her the most and, since it is so difficult for us to accept that our parents would actually hurt us, sometimes the dreams involve strangers or other people close to us.  That way, our body/brain can begin to process the trauma, without having to face it in the context of it being the parents.  I don't know if this makes sense.  \n\nMy experience of this was that I had a "bad" childhood.  My dreams started out very symbolic, then changed to strangers hurting other strangers, then changed to strangers hurting me and eventually progressed to the point where it was actually my parents in the dreams.  I wrote the dreams down from day one and that helped me. It is good that your wife is in a safe, loving environment with you (if it's any comfort to you, that's probably why she's having the dreams now).  You are helping her a lot by listening, but, if she is willing, therapy and/or a support group would probably be a good idea - just so someone else can help her process what's "coming up" in the dreams.  She is lucky to have you there to encourage and support her... \n\nJust one other thing that did work for me - when the dreams got too intense and overwhelming and I just couldn't deal with them at that point in my life, I consciously told myself, "No more [of those type] of dreams for now" and it worked.  Then, when I was ready to "work" on it again, I would tell myself, "It's okay to let the dreams come again."  I know it sounds stupid, but it worked :)  Take care...
680987
I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, during my teens. Throughout the relationship, I was physically tortured (not just beaten, by any means), sexually abused and raped on a regular basis, and forced to watch atrocious acts toward animals. When I finally got out, I immediately started smoking pot very heavily, and I assumed I was pretty much fine, except that I had clinical depression. A couple years later, I got pregnant and abruptly stopped smoking pot (and cigarettes, alchohol, caffeine and antidepressants). Suddenly Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder set in. All of these seemingly unrelated (to the abuse) sounds and sights began to bring on strong physical flashbacks of what it felt like to be sexually violated. 7 years later I am still fighting this every day. I have been to therapists, psychiatrists, counsellors and doctors and, although they have been able to help me with my other issues (depression, anxiety, self-esteem isues, etc.) they haven't offered any effective treatment for the Post Traumatic Stress. About 7 or 8 minths ago, I tried Reiki, and it has been the only thing to give me ANY releif from my PTSD symptoms. It's a lot better, but still there, and it REALLY sucks because when I get triggered, it actually feels like I am being touched "down there" against my will. Of course there is a lot of tension, anxiety, depression and anger as a result of reliving (and desperately trying to AVOID reliving) the physical sensations of being raped each day. I have never been able to work, because of this, but I've been told I do an excellent job of raising my daughter, who is almost 7. Though I may not have many conventional accomplishments under my belt, I feel like just having survived this, and also overcoming my addictions are HUGE accomplishments, and I don't know if many other people could have made it through what I have, and still have a positive attitude, and hope for the future. So, I'm proud of me!
229295
I didn't realize then, but I was abused sexually by my ex. I thought there was something wrong with ME.\n\nHe was always groping me whether I wanted to or not, even in front of our children. \n\nOf course there was more things, but whether being abused sexually or physically, I'm glad I'm out of his clutch.
884331
Yeah it's normal - you moved, tore, bruised tissue in ways it is completely not used to.  It will heal, you'll get better, but you WILL feel that sensation again in life - after you heal from each child you choose to have.  It's like losing the virginity all over again, since the tissues have been pulled, pushed, torn and bruised by childbirth.\n\nIt does all get better - I promise.
1012972
Your isolating yourself aren't you? Yes your pain is real,we all suffer in life ,but these are lessons, to learn how to live for the better. Have you received counseling for the abuse? And living in 8 foster homes was no picnic either , I know i have two brothers i took in and although I'm not related they are my kids. They have suffered greatly also, but slowly but surely they are moving on in life. Now another thing you probably have is the feeling that theres really no one out there for you. That's just not true, hun I wouldn't be here typing this letter to you if I didn't care. Neither would any of these other people. If you would like to talk some more just ask I will talk , I will listen, and I will feel what ever your experiencing and I will give it my best shot to walk through the misery you are experiencing at any given moment. I'm a mom, and yes of 8 of my own biological children, but my heart has room for more, so you decide if u want to contact me, just dont feel alone reach out to some one ,ok you are cared about know that, its a start to healing and gaining some kind of self esteem.
214943
With my ex, we were not married, but we were together for awhile - he was everything to me at first. I was 14 and he was 17, I ran away from home a lot and got messed up with my friends and eventually I ran into Drew. He worked in music and already made himself very successful at his young age so when he asked me out I was speechless. He had a gorgeous smile and the perfect body, after a few months of complete bliss I moved into his house. It was nice living independently when I was only 14. Not long after that he started getting jealous around some of my male friends and a few times grabbed my arm and dragged me to a private place where he could speak down to me but then start kissing me. Within that following year he began drinking heavily and the abuse got worse. I ended up in the hospital a couple times. I would try to leave but he'd always find a way back to me. It finally ended when he was arressted for attempted murder (amongst other charges), because he had an array of doctors in his defense he was sentenced to five years in a state hospital and probation. I know he did not try to kill me because he very easily could have if he wanted too. He got off on torturing me. I was unconscious for three days, I had four broken ribs, both wrists were fractured, a twisted ankle, I was on a ventilator for awhile because I couldn't breath from the swelling of my throat when he repeatedly choked me until I passed out, as well as multiple cuts and bruises. I also suffered a miscarriage, which is what hurt me the most.  This happened one week after my 16th birthday. I at least learned how to take care of myself and I don't hesitate to fight back.
470035
Abuse. The sad thing is I probably would have stayed in that relationship a lot longer. But, then it happened! I had my son. The day I had him I knew I would never allow him to be exposed to that kind of a life. I remember thinking to myself, "My husband may be good enough for me but, he will never be good enough for my son because he doesn't care to change." Thankfully, now I know he wasn't good enough for either of us. I left the day that I got out of the hospital and never returned. My son and I lived happily ever after.
1137993
My spouse of 12 years died Jan 05..and I feel like a major part of my world died with him. The old saying time heals all wounds has some merit, to a point. I still have days when the grief is all consuming, and other days things are fine. I still have small kids that need me, otherwise I often wonder if I'd have the desire or need to carry on alone.
208369
Yea, It still gets to you years later. Losing both your parents just sucks, but there are days that go by that you realize it hasn't crossed your mind as many times
1140547
I think so. I have such a hard time forgiving myself. I still think of things that I did or said as a little kid. And yet I can forgive whoever of whatever and almost instantly forget about it.
271022
You are deeply emotionally scarred. The first thing you need to do is seek professional therapy or join a support group. Nothing will ever completely erase the trauma you've experienced and there will be times when the fear re-emerges no matter what. You have to learn to face the fear down and rationalize that it's your past that is affecting your feelings and try to center yourself and deal with it. You can't give up on life, Honey and you will find a good man one day. Just remember that not all men are like your ex. You really need professional help to get through this before you can form a healthy relationship again. It's too bad I don't know your ex. I'm a former police officer and I would love to find him and let him try to assault a woman who can fight back. I stomp his mean a$$ into the ground and give him a nice hard punch for every woman who has ever been abused by a man. I'm sorry, it just makes me so mad when I hear things like this. I can't stand anyone who deliberately hurts or abuses anyone, especially those who are weaker then they are. It's a wonder I kept from losing it when I was a cop but I never abused my position. Now, I'm retired so I could knock the snot out of that boy and not worry about getting fired. Good luck, sweetie.
600128
well done, it needed to be said.  but look you said it yourself too 'i was in an abusive situation once...it took me some time (as i was younger and less experienced)'  \n\ndo you realize that a LOT of people on here are teenagers who are at that 'younger and less [life] experienced' phase that you were at?\n\nit's good that you are here to shout sense into people..sorry to hear of your abusive encounter before. hope as many people as possible read your post here today and get some thinkin going on!
567025
My growing-up years was a hard one and I’m always trying to be strong and carry on.\nMy Dad made little money and he didn’t treat my mum very well and they often quarreled since I was 3 or 4 years old. That was all the fault of my dad I was clear. My mum wept very often hiding from me but I knew that most of the time. She never thought of getting divorce with Dad forshe \nendured to avoid leaving me growing in a broken family. All those made a very miserable childhood for me. And hard time came when I was about 18 and got good grades ready to enter the gate of college. Dad barely make money and I need it to pay the tuition. During the 4 years of my \ncollege time ,my mom worked very hard for the whole family and I also did part time jobs as a tutor ,a translator and sometimes also waitress. And in the third year of my college ,my ex-boyfriend, my first love, who \nhad been with me for 7 years and stayed in New York for 5 years left me.Suffering all those, I also \nthought that God hated me and wanted to desert me and that almostpushed me to commit suicide.\nBut now I manage to lead a happy life because I'm convinced that those sufferings are good for my character and they broaden view of human inner world. Now i become optimistic and get a better understanding of 'love' to love the world and people more
438991
When I was a child, my parents partied wildly and fought each other with venom and hatred.  I heard the gospel from my grandmother.  Anyway, when I was about eight years old my five year old sister came to me one night and asked her big brother what she should do about Daddy.  I learned that night that Dad was molesting her.  This was a complicated issue for a five, eight, or fifty-eight year old to deal with.  I told her I didn't know and that I would think about it and get back to her.  My dilemma was that if I told Mom, Mom would use this in her war against Dad.  If I confronted Dad I was sure that he would just reject me for it or at the very least just deny and shuffle me on to other things.\n\nWhat I didn't decide to do was deal with it, basically I sold out my sister for a relationship with a broken Daddy.  At this time the weight of the world settled on my little shoulders.  I had no understanding at the time of my guilt and the weight of my non-action on my sister's behalf.  Three years later we were living in a little town and we kids got involved in a neighborhood church for the cookies and punch in Sunday School.  Some ladies talked Mom into going to church and so it happened the summer of the next year when an evangelical group came to our church to run a crusade.  There was great music and powerful evangelistic messages and one night in the two weeks this went on, I felt God calling me.  I'd listened to the preacher/evangelist and was considering his message but it was God who'd moved in my heart.  I was no longer a child with childish concerns, but the harder issues were upon my mind.  I still didn't have any understanding of my guilt about my sister, but when I went forward, once I'd made the decision to step out, I felt light as a feather, as though walking a foot off the ground.  The release of guilt was so freeing, I was in tears and didn't know why.\n\nIt wasn't until twenty years later that I went over those memories with an adult understanding and realized what my poor sister had had to deal with all by herself that I realized where all that guilt had come from.  We discussed these events and are quite close today, but the years in between were more distant between us.  I know God is real from many other experiences but this was what brought me to faith.
445571
When I was about 10 years old, I was having a severe attack.  My mom was at work and I was home with my **** step-father.  He was under the impression that all he had to do was yell at me (for faking it) and I would snap out of it.  He also did not want to spend money on meds or visits to the doctor or the emergency room.\n\nThat night, I lay in bed, barely breathing, and he refused to call my mom (and she even worked in the emergency room as a phone receptionist).\n\nIt got so bad, I stopped coughing and it stopped hurting and my fingers turned blue.\n\nIn a screaming rage he finally called my mom and reluctantly took me to the emergency room.\n\nI don't remember much after that - just waking up - telling my mom my fingers were blue.  She was more embarrassed about what her co-workers would think, than about how sick I was.\n\nI made it through that night.  Grew up.  ...and had kids of my own.  ...and to my great dismay, one of my kids has asthma.  But I treat her much better than my parents treated me, especially during asthma attacks.\n\n'still hate my step-dad, though.
654903
I belong to a DID board, and although I am not DID myself....I have a lot of experience with people who are.\n\n   DID is almost always a result of severe childhood abuse, and the condition itself first develops when a person is very young, and experienceing things that are simply too traumatic to stay in consiousness. So it's not like people "get" DID in later life: the general consensis is that they have had it ever since the abuse first happened.\n\n   Other personalities are created to come out and be there for the experiences, and then "hold" the memories behind a wall of amniesia.\n\n   Personalities can be formed at each traumaic experience, thus serving to create sometimes hundreds of different personalities, or personalities can be created who are "thematic" and come out to deal with any experience that is  related to their particular "job", thus resulting in fewer personalites overall.\n\n    Personalities are generally frozen at the age they were created, and since most of the trauma was during childhood, often a large percentage of a persons personalites are "littles" from ages 3 on up.   And yet, if things happen later in life, if the thing that happens is related to the "job" of a little......it will often still be that personality that comes out to deal with it, even if they are much younger in age than the "host" happens to be.\n\n  One other odd thing about DID is that.....people can be in their mid 20's and on into their 50's and still have **no clue** that they have DID.  As far as they are concerned, everyone has big chunks of time that they have no memory of.\n\n   When people are diagnosed with DID, it is almost the rule that they will be going...."Like h*ll I have Multipal Personalites".  Believe me, you yourself could have it and not know.  So you can see why you might think your therapist was the one who was nuts for daring to suggest such a thing.  Even when the evedence is right before their eyes, people will **still** deny that it could be possible.\n\n  The first goal in treatment is for the "host" to begin to make contact with their "others."  But often, in their urge to deny things, they will actively resist making any effort to do so.  By that time, their alters are ususally starting to really loose patience with the host.  They **want** to be heard.  The result of such resistance will often be severe headaches, "hearing voices" or "chatter" and nightmares.\n\n  In the end, the function of DID is protection.  Allmost all personalities have acted in ways to protect the host from memories they fear would overwhelm the host.  So as most people travel down the path toward getting better, they  generally come to love and appreciate their alters for all the things they have done for them over the years.  Or at least come to understand their origional motivation, in the case of personalities who may have done things to get them in trouble\n\n   Are alters "real personalities" ?   By definition ( as noted in the DSM) they are.  The more time they spend "out" the more they accumulate life experiences of their own, and develop a level of complexity that does indeed charactorize a "personality".\n\n   Treatment for DID can be quite long.  Generally, the thought is that each personality needs to resolve his own set of issues, and when there are a large number of personalities.....you can see where it might take quite a while. Most treatment is the sort of treatment that people with PTSD have to go through.  People and their personalites usually *all* have "trama issues" of one form or another that they each must deal with.\n\n  Among people with DID there is quite a debate about what the final goal of treatment might be.  Some people are not at all interested in "integrating" because of the respect they have developed for their