My husband blames everything on me, even though I didn't say or do.  How do you deal with it?
494806
This is a warning sign of future abusive behavior to come, Seek marriage counseling , if he refuses to attend counseling, then seek a divorce attorney, I am sure he will get the message.
753586
I'm not sure what exactly to tell you but i definitely think he shouldn't blame everything on you. Sure, being married means you might go through financially difficulties but you are suppose to go through things like that together. And since he gave you the ok that you needed, he is just as much responsible as you are.\nI bet you have already talked to him, right? Because everytime somebody posts a question there's always somebody that says "Talk to him". What did he say? It sounds like you are just accepting it the way it is. \nAnd yes, there's always a Saver and a Spender. I can say out of my marriage, i know i'm the spender and my hubby is the saver and i also know i'm the loud one and he's the shy one. But they say 'Opposites Attract'.\n\nAnyway, to come to an end...\nHe should have agreed that it was his fault, too. I think he is the one that made a mistake. You've admitted you would've done it different if you knew this would happen.\n\nI hope i helped you at least a little bit. Don't feel too guilty about it, remember, he gave you the ok about the money. I think he needs to think about what he said and that he never stopped you from getting the money for the remodeling.
895097
The key to every realationship is to talk...talk....talk....talk. You can't fix your spouse, only yourself.  Look at the part you played in this misunderstanding, and then appologize.  Don't yell or call names.  Don't should on your spouse.  (you should have said this you should have said that)  \n\nblessings
50069
Nothing. You must say "I'm sorry" one hundred thousand times, and then be prepared to say "I'm sorry" two hundred thousand times more. There will be days that something will cause him to think of your infidelity...maybe he hears a country "cheatin" song, or he sees the person you cheated with, or he will question what else have you lied about?, the list is a long one! Run, don't walk to a marriage counselor! Be honest, you will do the most work on yourself, and that's not easy, however you must understand what made you do what you did. When he needs to tell you how he feels, let him, don't shut him out. Lack of communication will end even a good marriage! Good Luck & remember to forgive yourself as well!
392028
I know how you feel, I'm also married to an uncaring man.  It's really hard to be with a selfish person.  I'd say try to talk to him, but he may not be responsive.  If he loves you, he'll honor your request to talk about the way your lives is going.  If he doesn't, busy yourself with friends and hobbies.  Sometimes they make an about face when you're not at their beck and call.  But no matter what happens, be strong, you have you and your daughter to worry about.  Good Luck!
1020576
You are in a relationship where you have allowed this to happen and therefore he has no reason to change anything because a pattern has been set.  You could try the old tricks, like just not doing some of the things he expects you to do and see if he'll notice, or you could try various other ways of getting revenge on him for his lack of attention, but I recommend the classic "ultimatum" if you are indeed at the end of your rope.  If you choose to go this route, then you will need to pick a reasonable goal and deadline and stick to it if he doesn't respond.  \n\nOr you could just carve out some time for yourself and tell him he is in charge and leave him to it.  \n\nThe problem is that you have enabled him to do this for a long long time, the solution is you changing your behaviors and hoping he'll follow suite.  Either way you will be a little happier than you currently are.
1087860
Well i think ur husband does realize that it was his fault that he wasnt able to hear the alarm goin..but heard about male ego?..and that too ur his wife..who else can he blame if not you..\nu have to understand that and forgive him for being an ass..\nif there was another person in the room ur hubby would have blamed him..believe me...lol
698362
Seeing that your husband is at fault an open conversation is the only way you could hope to change this situation, that's if you and your marriage are important enough for him to be willing to participate! It could be worth a try, especially if perhaps he's not aware of your unhappiness. \n\nIf he is not willing to listen to reason, then a tempory separation might do the trick for both of you. It will not only give you a break, but also a chance to decide if you really want to go on with your marriage. And maybe it will give him time to get his act together! \n\nI hope it helps a bit. Be strong and don't let him run you over!
518943
Sadly, I had this problem with my husband too.  We sat down with the elders of our church after he threw a glass at me that bruise all the toes on my left foot.  The very nicely explained to him a series of important scriptures on how he can learn to value me. \n\nBut also after it happened, my dad gave me some great advice, so simple, but it really worked.  OVer the phone (my husband travels for a living) I told him that some members of the congregation were aware of what was going on, and he explained that he wished I hadn't told people, and I told him that I hadn't, (my sister and husband also live with us, so it's not like there aren't witnesses) but just that they were made aware of it.  (If other people find out about it, they get embarrassed, like the rest of the time they're in denial, but when others find out about it, they can't pretend it didn't happen.) I told him that from now on, WE weren't going to hang up the phone on each other, WE weren't going to be throwing things at each other, WE weren't going to be saying "I'm going to leave you!", WE just weren't going to do any of that.  Mind you, I've never done any of that to him, but it sounds better to say "We" than 'you you you'.  His response was, "it's going to take some time" and I said, "no it's not.  Right now, that's when we're starting.  We don't need any extra time, it's already been three + years of this, and we're just going to start from right now." I think he was surprised.  My tone wasn't angry or yelling, it was just straightforward.  He hasn't thrown anything at me since, and he still gets irritated, but that's natural.  Throwing things and cussing me out is not.  \n\nIf your husband has any kind of spiritual nature, I encourage you both to sit down and read this scriptures together, which have really helped us.  What it boils down to, is that usually a husband doesn't respect himself, and since you are his 'one flesh' and 'complement', if he doesn't respect himself or is insecure, he may not respect you as well.  I try to build my honey up whenever I can and tell him how great he is at this or that and that there's no reason for him to be insecure.  (by the way, the cup-throwing incident was because I fed the cat a piece of shrimp on the couch, which you would think a cat would gobble up, but not my cat, he sat there licking it. Hubby wasn't happy at all, I admitted it was dumb and I wouldn't do it again, but he got so upset, he actually hurt me, so I understand the 'small things' that should never make them that upset. The real truth is that there are underlying issues, not just the shrimp.)\n\nEph 4:26 Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with YOU in a provoked state, 27 neither allow place for the Devil. 29 Let a rotten saying not proceed out of YOUR mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be.\n\n(In other words, a person is going to be wrathful at times, but the point is not to sin or get to a provoked state without resolving it, to do so leaves open a place for the 'Devil' to disrupt your family, possibly leading to divorce. (Satan likes divorce, since it breaks up God's divine arrangement of marriage. We certainly don't want to leave a place open for him in our families.)\n\n\nEph 4:31 Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from YOU along with all badness. 32 But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU.\n\n(Basically, God forgives us for the many things we do, surely we should forgive each other for the minor things.)\n\nEph 5:28 In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever
367825
I've been married for 3 years now, and let me tell you it has been hard at times.  My husband is very very compulsive about cleaning.  I however am the opposite.  He will come home from work and nag and complain NON STOP about everything about the house. When I do the dishes, he'll come in and yell at me because I'm not drying the right way, or I'm not stacking the right way.  We really had our breaking point when at 530am he was getting ready for work, and he took down the curtains because he wanted me to get a start on cleaning and making him breakfast.  Now I work full time too, and my alarm was set for 7am.  We had the biggest fight. I finally told him I couldn't take it anymore, he was bringing me down so much that I was starting to hate my self.  Just saying that too him killed him.  He had no idea that I was so unhappy.  After getting so much out he now makes an effort to make me feel better, he makes me breakfast in bed every Saturday.  And when he gets ready to complain or nag he holds back and simply offers the advice "take it or leave it"
308103
Just stop and think of all the good things your husband has done and the reasoning behind you marrying him! Change the subject every time you find your self getting ready to nag! I nag alot too but I just have to stop and think can I do anything about the situation, then I try and do it! As long as you know you are doing it at least this is the first step into getting better, You can do it just slow down and think before you speak! Also know there's a time to be quiet and a time to speak out loud! Certain things that really get you mad just talk to him about them and see if he can help you with any of them, others just try and do whatever it is your self! Good Luck and God Bless!
833136
I am. It's because his mother comes first, then the kids, then me. He says terrible things to me that hurt my feelings and isn't sorry. We've been through marriage counseling twice. His mother interferes in our marriage and if I say anything, he gets defensive. He tells her, then she gets mad. She's trying to turn him against me.
292778
I have had the same problem with my husband.  Here's how I've handled it...\n\n1)  Don't nag.  He'll just resent you for it.\n2)  Suggest that the two of you go out and buy the tools and other items you need to start a project.  Nothing makes a man happier than buying new tools!\n3)  If he doesn't start the project after he's bought the necessary equipment, then YOU start it (even if you have no clue what you are doing).  Once he sees you about to "mess" something up, he'll HAVE TO HELP!\n\nGood luck!
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.
1085143
My husband modiness and be upsetting at times but i get like that at times too. I cant really say anything makes me really mad at him as we work through all of our differences and we love and accept each other even with our imperfections!
342122
All these suggestions are good-- I also suggest counseling or therapy. . . Whatever he's angry about, he needs to forgive himself for, or make amends if it's possible.  After that. . . this is what Homer Simpson says, and I don't even like the Simpsons!\n\n"You can't keep on blaming yourself. Blame yourself once and then move on. . ." pretty good advice, now that I think of it.  Finally, your boyfriend is lucky to have you care about him.  Convince him that you both deserve a hopeful future, and that he needs to get help and move on.  Take care. . .
1170935
There are lots of things to consider here and I'm not about to counsel someone we know nothing about.\n\nThere are so many questions that need answers before advice can be given.\n\nSo, here's the cliff notes version:\n\nDo you have regular romantic intercourse?\nPassionate men often turn violent when they are robbed of their intimate other's attention.\n\nWhat has changed since you got married?\nHe may resent you for something you didn't do.  Men sometimes want to please their wives so much that they deprive themselves of other activities.  For instance, has he been out with his friends much?\n\nDoes he have secrets???\nGet a sample of his handwriting and look at the "o".  If his o's have two loops at the top that intersect, he has the liar trait and is keeping something secret from you bye lying.\n\nReason I tell you this, is often, men turn violent when they are lying about something.  The tension from trying to keep it a secret and the unhappiness from not being able to live the way they want makes them crazy.\n\nHe gets mad when you cry because of his own insecurities about the relationship.  He sees your tears as weakness.  Perhaps you need to stand up for yourself.  Shouting and argueing do very little, so take action.  Make rules and make them stick.  (you may want to experiment being the agressor in the bedroom.  grab him, force him, make him the submissive once in a while.  He'll see you as an equal then)\n\n\nI know, from my own experiences.\n\nCheers darling and good luck.