It feels like I’m grieving for my dad and yet he is still so much alive and with us?
491150
This is called anticipatory grief. You realize that you will be losing him some day and you are already trying to cope with the impending reality. This is just one way people cope. Others only grieve after the loss of a person.  As you hinted, you don't want your anticipatory grief to interfere with enjoying him while he is with you now. Knowing that and feeling that are two different things. Do the things that are good for your relationship with him now and feel free to feel your feelings (don't suppress them or be afraid of them) because this is your way of coping. Once you take the taboo off of your feelings and still do the things that make for a full and satisfying relationship with your father in the present, your feelings should start to lessen in intensity.
44099
It's still very soon...don't put too much pressure on yourself.\nWhen my mom dies, I expect to pretty much die as well...you're still alive, so you're not doing so badly. \nMy friend lost his mom a year ago, and it's still hitting him very hard...you can wait it out, talk to a therapist, maybe try an anti-depressant if you think it's too much to handle.
924947
You need professional grief counselling, hon. Call your local social services  agency and see if there is a group you can attend that has other grieving parents in it.  Sometimes, just knowing you are not the only one who feels this way, and having someone to talk to who understands helps
1164272
It doesnpt sound crazy. My dad died 4 years ago and I want to be visited by him. Sometimes you will see them in a dream, and it will seem sooo real. Sometimes things happen and you know it could only be caused by that person. Just wait.
1086138
THE LAST TIME I SAW MY FATHER ALIVE
801450
You grieve.  Grieving sucks, I'm there right now.  Eventually it will get better, you just have to give yourself time.
212313
i'm so sorry about your father...all i can say is: be patient with him , give all the love and care you can give him, talk with your father about everything, spend as much time with him as you can\nas for you...take it one day at a time...dont think of his going away...focus on the things you could do for your father while he is still alive...surrender your grief to the Lord\nGod bless you, friend...
1137993
My spouse of 12 years died Jan 05..and I feel like a major part of my world died with him. The old saying time heals all wounds has some merit, to a point. I still have days when the grief is all consuming, and other days things are fine. I still have small kids that need me, otherwise I often wonder if I'd have the desire or need to carry on alone.
531378
Even if it feels weird talking to your dad about it, i think you should give it a shot. he is the one that can truly understand you - not some shrink that you hardly even know. he will know what you're going through and he`ll give you the support that you need.\n\ni hope you feel better.
1034234
This sense of loss you feel is real.Everyone grieves for diffferent periods of time.I can relate to how you feel since both my parents died almost 3 years ago. My dad was sick for some time and when he died it was almost a blessing to see him at peace.My mother dies 10 days later and it was such a shock.I tried to deal with my loss by talking about my feelings with my family.I found comfort in making a scrapbook about them. Sometimes it is the little things that will remind you of them. It may be hearing a song, seeing someone who vaguely resembles your loved ones, scents from perfume  or something so commonplace you associate it with your parents.These  memories while they give you sadness at first they later give you comfort when you realized you loved your parents and they loved you.I hope I can share a small prayer that I had read at my parent's funeral ."The Lord shall have their souls to keep, And I their fond memories when I sleep."
813422
My deepest sympathies for your loss. It is easy for us to tell you it is all in God's plan... but when tragedy happens at our door step its not such an easy bullet to bite.\n\nIt IS OK to feel angry with God, I assume you are Christian, and in Christianity God calls himself the Father. \n\nIn human terms, sometimes our human parents will do something to us and for us, beyond what we can see, like limiting our TV time so that we can complete our schoolwork or help us save our money for college and in the mean time we do notget to buy the really expensive Dress from Prada.\n\nIn saying so, I cannot say for sure God has a plan or what that plan is, but if your beloved father placed full trust in God, then I am thinking you would too... seeing sometimes God gives us situations that we do not like... as a Child my TV time was like a Pot of Pure Gold. I did not see the value of homework and such. \n\nNow that the loss of your Dad is so arresting... maybe its God's whisper to you to continue serving him by honoring your mom? God takes care of your Dad in heaven, while you be the caretaker of yourself and your mom on Earth, until you are able to have a family reunion once again somewhere in the future.\n\nWho is to say, that your loss does not propel you to be as great a man as your Daddy once was, the hundreds if not more people he had inspired as a minister towards faith in the Divine, Love towards Humanity and Devotion towards his Family? Maybe God has great plans in store for you and for greatness to be won, all the sages and prophets of the past had to go through much trials and tribulations, like the forging of a lump of raw iron into a pristine Sword that protects the weak and defends those in despair.\n\nMaybe YOU are going to be that Sword, it doesn't diminish the severity of your loss, but this loss can be used to strengthen you more or degenerate you, the choice is in your hands... \n\nBe Angry! Be upset! Mourn! But once you are more at ease, Heal! Honor those around you... Love those who are with you... and honor the momory of your late father by being as wonderful a man as I am sure he was... For no man can invoke such great devotion and love from a child, unless he himself was truly a great man...\n\nHope all will be well soon.
457432
I was babysitting my best friend's kids shortly after her dad died.  I was in the kitchen making lunch when I felt like I was being watched.  I looked around and didn't see anything but still had that feeling.  I took a deep breath and said, "The kids will be fine.  I'm taking care of them".  The feeling went away.  She said after I told her what happened that she thought her dad was coming to visit.  I'm sure he was!
732853
I have not lost a parent. I have lost a brother. We were approx. 12 months apart in age. He died drinking and driving when I was 20 and he was 19. I was devastated, but never cried about it. He and I had talked about death but not our own. There isn't a day goes by I don't think about him. I am sad, on the inside, but not depressed. I can talk about him with great pride and conviction without crying a drop. And about the loss..... is there anyway to describe the feeling of emptiness and loss? No, but we can not dwell on what we can not change. I do know that my life would be completely different if he were here. I moved 1000 miles from home, just to get away from the sadness, it didn't help. But it did change the whole direction of my life. I will not say that it is a mental illness to have feeling like this, but it is very difficult to express the way you truly feel. I try not to talk about it but feel better when I do. His birthday was last week 10/25. Mine is today.
109777
It's hard. I can't tell you anything different. I lost my father in 1999 and sometimes, the memories still get me.\n\nAt first it's like it takes you over and it's all you think about. \n\nThen day by day you find yourself forgetting, for a little while. Don't feel guilty about it - it's natural and life needs to go on, things have to be done, pets need feeding, clothes need washing, jobs need doing. \n\nIt's hard to think of all of that going on when it feels like the world should stop, just for a little while because something terrible has happened. But that's the way life goes and has always gone.\n\nThe other poster said to remember the good and funny things about them and they are right. It does help. You may still cry, but it does help.\n\nBefore too long you'll realize you haven't thought of him in days and this too is okay. By this time the hurt is lessening, just think of a funny thing about him and it any sad feelings will pass more quickly.\n\nI'm sure you will always remember and cherish what made him very special to you, and one day you'll find yourself very glad to have the memories.
307907
I'm sorry for your loss.\n\nMy father died unexpectedly when I was 27. \n\nI don't remember much of the first year without my dad, other than some pretty messed-up holidays.  This is a protection mechanism. The first year is the most dreadful, because of holidays, birthdays and the awkwardness of figuring out how to celebrate something supposedly happy with the air of absence and sorrow hanging over it.\n\nWhen people initially told me in a few years it would be better, I was furious with them. I didn't want it to get better and I didn't want believe it would--a part of me felt that I would be a bad daughter if I stopped grieving. As I started healing and felt less pain...TI worried if I was grieving too little. And I thought maybe I had grieved too much, as well! Very confusing. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.\n\nBut this wasn't the case. I was grieving just right for me. And after a few years, it was still sad but not heartwrenchingly so and it kept getting a little better with each passing month. I realized that I wasn't a bad daughter. I realized that I was healing and getting on with my life and that by going on, I was, in my own way, honoring my dad. My father has been deceased for seven years now, and there are still times when it's painful, but it's not crippling or scary any more. And I remember much more of our happy times, too.\n\nPeople grieve at different rates and I feel it is wrong to try to put a timeline on healing. Our society is very timeline-based, even if those timelines don't properly apply to messy, organic processes like recovering from the loss of a loved one.\n\nIf however, you find that your grieving is truly interfering with your family, work and social life after year, you probably need some help working through your sorrow. Books, videos, chaplains or ministers or therapists are all very helpful in situations such as yours.
673721
time. that's all that works...you can't do something else to take your mind off it, or take a pill or anything. He's your dad. You're going to have to take time to grieve. Do it. It's supposed to happen. After a while it'll get easier, but you won't ever forget.
731627
How could you feel this way about your father? He loves you and you don't feel anything for him. He has feelings you know. And chances are if you think he is a geek then you are as well. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You should be ashamed of yourself. This is your father. If it wasn't for him you would not be here. You really need some help I think. What if your kids treat you this way? How would you feel? The notes mean that you need to start showing your father that you love him and care about him. You should never wish your father dead. You are a horrible person. I hope that you feel terrible about what you are doing to him. I hope that it drives you crazy and stays with you forever.