how do you cure a husband who will not forget & forgive?
479131
This fight...You don't give us much to go on. Some things are very difficult to forgive and even more difficult to forget, if you cheated even if you came back home and said "Oops so sorry honey!" Then he has a right to hold onto some anger until he is able to move on...but if you burned his toast and he is off the shelf with anger, then you may consider that there may be something bigger bothering him. \n\nSee your question is vague, and I don't know if I would advise you to be "pissed" or really begging this man to forgive you! Either way  he's stuck on angry, so maybe there is more to it than just something simple...\n\nI would continue to try to talk to him, if you are REALLY WRONG, then he may never forgive or forget...or it may take a very long time...(as in the case of catching you cheating or something). If it's something that is really of no BIG consequence, then maybe he is going through other things in his own life, that has him temporarily upset with more than you. If he continues to be hostile and does not have good reason for it, then ask him if he thinks the two of you need marriage counseling, if he doesn't want to go, maybe you could go and see if there is anything the counselor might suggest...\n\nYou can't go on forever angry, or confused about his anger...give him some time, some kindness (even if he may not really deserve it the way he's acting)...and maybe he will remember why the two of you are married at all!\n\nGood luck, if this was just something simple, and he is acting like this then it's strange. But if you have done certain things or if he might suspect you have been less than honest with him then he may be wondering how he can go on and try to trust you. If you require for him to forgive and forget, then you feel you have done something wrong, and he does too. It may be more important to him than you think if should be, but if you are the one that needs to be forgiven, then you might have to wait until he is ready to be forgiving. (?)\nruthie~
234936
It takes time, patience and a real willingness to want to forgive and forget.  If you can't forgive and forget, then you will never learn to trust again.  Think of it this way.  No one is perfect, even you and I have made and will continue to make mistakes (sometimes big ones).  Just give yourself PLENTY of time and take baby steps.  It may take a few years even, but if the relationship(s) are better afterwards, it will be worth your while.
431174
After realizing your mistakes and apologizing sincerely to him, then give him space, don't drool on it as it will not give him the chance to reflect on what you've said that has hurt him or your words of being sorry. Time doesn't really heal whatever pain we've experienced, but it gives us the chance to take it, to carry it and to understand why things have happened. Its more difficult for a man just to forget, forgive and pretend nothing has been said that has hurt his ego or his total self. Just continue being you, the person he used to be a friend with, smile when you see him, though stop nagging or pushing yourself into him to put back everything that was. That's done and gone, start from scratch, that's the cause and effect of what you've done. Accept and WAIT, wait when he's ready to be friends again. Remember, wait and have patience.
492631
First of all, I am sorry to hear what has happen to ur family. First of all, i know its very very hard to accept this. To love and be cheated of that love. Love as it is defined in the Holy Bible is basically self sacrifice. To learn to forgive urself first that the cheating took place. Find in ur heart to seek God's help. God's mercy. Allow urself to pour out all ur hurt to Him. God loves u as to all of us. We can only love and be hurt because we are human. But God loves us and takes the hurt away.\nCheating comes in many forms.... but the son u mentioned, he is innocent. Do not anger him. Forgive the son. Love him as ur own if u must. Because he is also from ur husband. Seek God's wisdom and forgive ur man. \nTime will heal the hurt. I hope u will find much needed peace and comfort from ur family and friends around u.
235208
you need to decide whether youre going to live with what he did or not. if you cant forgive him then you cant move on. So you have to make a choice and decide what is best for you. If you love him and see your future with him then try to fix it, go to counseling but if his mistake erased your visions of a future with him, then you know what you need to do. But I must also say that you cant rush getting over things either and he should be willing to understand and agree with what you choose to do.
462112
The problem with the past is that even though it's over it's never forgotten.  Try more open communication and maybe even counseling.
404792
You just have to accept what happened and forgive him in your head. You'll probably never be able to forgive him in person though.
600655
I don't think you can ever forget him, unfortunately for you and the rest of us who may suffer from similar problems with our past.  You obviously need to resist him.  You can try to avoid putting yourself in positions where you will run into him.  You know enough about him to know what many of his habits are and where he often will frequent.  It will not stop chance meetings as there is nothing to do about them, but it should limit many of the more risky run ins you may have.  Otherwise, the best hope is that you immerse yourself in some hobby, activity or volunteer somewhere...anything to occupy your mind.  Otherwise, I am at a loss as to what you can do, other than moving away.  Just stay strong and hold to your convictions.  Remember why you are not with him and drill the negative thoughts into your mind, remember the bad times, the bad things and hopefully your desire for him will fade.  Good luck!
760126
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
1049859
You have to want to, and let time heal your wounds.  Try counseling, whether alone or with him.  Talking out your feelings is the only way you will truly ever be able to process them.\n   Do not listen to these people who say give up and move on.  We do that too much today.  Give up to easy.  If you really love him, try to work it out.  You will probably never forget the hurt he has caused you, but you may be able to forgive, move on, and both of you learn a valuable lesson.  It may make you stronger in the long run.\n   I would suggest counseling before you give up, but if the pain is too great, then maybe you should seperate for awhile (not give up, just seperate) and work on things at a distance where you both have your space to heal, grow, and process.\n\nGood luck.  peace and love
914199
Wow,  see a councilor or you pastor.  If anything happened to your husband you would never forgive yourself.  You owe it to your marriage and each other to stay faithful.  Stay away from bars and build a network of female friends.  Scrapbook, learn a new craft or find a job to keep you connected with other people.  Break off the affair immediately and keep your self respect.
486983
Go to his home. Knock on his door, and tell him how you feel.\n\nIf that's too bold, then send him a light note... an invitation to coffee.  Maybe send him a note in the mail and inside a starbucks card... inside a note say "Let's meet for coffee... my treat"\n\nTell him that you have a confession.  You never knew that the answer was in front of your face, and hope that its not too late for a 2nd chance.  You don't want to lose a dear friend, and want him to forgive you.\n\nI would say that its now in his court. If hes willing to forgive,then you will meet him more than halfway.... and wililng to mend the hurt.
368175
This was what I experience in my last date. I tried all i can to make him forgive but he refuses. So my dear friend don't stress yourself much on apologizing to someone that don't have a forgiving heart. Love is forgiveness in advance. If he truly loves you, he wouldn't wait for you to say am sorry before forgiving you. I will advice you to stop pleading and give him some time to refresh his memory and see if he wouldn't come to you and ask for his own forgiveness.
225953
I believe anything can be forgiven in time.  Even 21 years of abuse from a parent (which I dealt with) was forgiven, albeit because the man died and I had to learn to cope with it all, but I still forgave.  Just remember that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting.
604899
It's not easy to forgive and forget.  But I will forgive but I just can not seem to forget.  I think as long as I have a memory and a mind that it is fully aware I will most likely never forget.  Yes I'm afraid I do hold grudges.  I don't want to be that way.  Like when my wife left me with outs having a vault reason.  I don't think I will ever forgive her or forget what she did to me.  To destroyed our family and took my children away from me with out a good reason... She said her reason was she did not love me and that she was going to save the family.  She destroyed my family  and it took me years before I could win my children back from drugs that she allowed them to do.  So some times I want to forgive her but then she's back at me.  Coming back her to live and trying to turn our children against me again.  She also demands to have some of her things back..This after leaving 16 years ago taking just about all my processions.  I will never understand her.  I know after 10 years of her being gone I didn't love her anymore.  I had tried to help her all I could and know she would have never made it without my help.  Yet she feels she's entitled to all that.  I want to forgive her and if I do I will never forget.  So yes it is hard to forgive and forget and not hold a grudge.\nCHUCK\n:--#  )
710175
All you you have to do is ask for forgiveness and He will throw the sin into the sea of forgetfulness. God does not hold grudges. Once you accepted Jesus it was forgiven.
502618
You can not "forget" about the past...it is stored in your memory either up close, or way in the back dimly.  Where you store it is up to your own ability to cope.\n"Forgiveness" is not "forgetfulness".\nForgive means to learn from what happened.  Become aware that the culprit is a sorry person that even if they do know better, have little personal control, therefore are pitiful, and need your pity.  Even when they hurt you, try to realize, that they will most likely NEVER know the beauty of not even wanting to hurt others.  They know no peace and goodness in their soul.  They ARE tormented by things they do, and as the years go by it adds up and makes them meaner and meaner.  Ergo the need for Christ...\n(whether you "believe" in Him or not...you NEED to believe in Forgiveness, or you're trapped in your own filth forever).\nForgiveness also evokes bodily chemicals that keep our immune systems strong, and keeps us healthy.  So the act of forgiving if for YOU, not for the culprit.  It is something you do inside yourself for yourself for your health emotionally and spiritually. "Retaliation" is doing what the culprit did and can put you in the same boat if you're not careful...i.e. the use of our political law system, allows retaliation without guilt.  (Never mind the system doesn't work properly < not the topic here).\nYes, they SAY mean people live forever, but do they live well?  Are they healthy?  Rarely.  They might live long, in and UNhealthy way as a sort of earthly punishment...because they seem to control all else around them with their meanness, they can not control disease.\n\nGod did not forgive the devil.  God is in a bet with the devil whether all of mankind will become either evil, kill themselves off, OR become Godly as the Almighty.\n[Gee, wonder which direction we're going???]\nWhen God wins (uh, don't think that'll be tomorrow) then God will finally punish the devil by casting him into eternal fire.  Forgiveness is not for God, it is for YOU.\n\nHistory classes?  You are questioning why we want to learn from the past.  duh...so that we can take measures to keep bad things from happening again as much as possible.\nHistory:  Man made fire and put his hand into it, and got his hand burnt. Man learned to make a tool to deal with items around a fire, so as to not get burned again. He taught his children to use the tool and never have to get burned.  So is not everything like that?.\n\nForgive the idiot that hurt you or yours.  But do use the law where needed.  If they broke a law, send the authorities after them.  Forgive the idiot, and thank God YOU're not such an idiot, and say to yourself:  "There go I were it not for how I learned not to do those things.  Poor idiot is not as lucky as me."\n\nBe healthy in your mind, body and spirit.\nI wish you LOVE