how do you get your husband to need you if you feel he doesn't?
477375
Sweetheart, you are getting a lot of advice.  Filter it carefully - including mine.\n\nIt's obvious that you care about your husband a great deal. What happened?  When did he start to mentally check out on him?  Are you two still interested in the same things?  \n\nThis happens a lot when husbands hit depressions and just don't know how to deal with.  Or there is unresolved conflict that is brewing underneath the surface.\n\nRemember that there is always a root.  You need wise counsel now.  Does he still love crawling in the sack, mounting you and rolling off going to sleep?  Because if he does, you need to have "the talk" with him after you screw him to the Third Heaven.  \n\nCommunication is the lifeblood of the relationship.  If you fear that you will be too emotional when you talk to him, write him a letter not accusing him (e.g. You should do something and you don't), but using the "I" language (e.g. I love it when you hold me or when we go for walks. Can we go this afternoon, etc.) \nattach it to a G-string with your best perfume and put it with his lunch or coat pocket...\n\nI don't know how long you've been married.  You also need to arm yourself with knowledge.  The book "His Needs, Her Needs" is an excellent start.  E-mail me if you would like a list of other resources.
964226
Awww, not too many women can say they have the best hubby in the world and sound as convincing as you! Just make sure he knows that's how you feel about him, enjoy spending time with him and the new (to him still) baby, don't worry so much - it will rub off on him, let him do a few of the things you've become used to doing on your own - all men want to feel needed, and just be happy........Happy Holidays to you and your family.
183797
try to pull yourself back.and dont show yourself as you need him and dont push him to do something.if he really need you ofcourse he will want to see you.if not so there is no relation as you want.be cool and hide yourself.this is my experience..
456224
Talk to your husband and ask him what it is he wants to to change if he is being reasonable take his suggestions into account and try to implement them, but don't go out of your way to make him happy at the expense of your own happiness. You love each other so you can work though this to make it work.
176417
Go to their homes and/or invite them when he's not there.  You really need to discuss the issue with him if it's that important (yeah i know, easier said than done).  Maybe marriage counseling, if this marriage is worth it.  If not...
658042
Times have changed. Men no longer have to work and be the head of household. If this bothers you so much, why don't you talk it over with your wife? Maybe she doesn't realize that she is "in charge" so much. Some guys need that extra push or the reasurence that someone else will take care of it. Has your wife always been "stronger" than you, or did she just resently buff up? If she has always been like this, then you  knew about it before you said "I do." I am not stronger than my husband, but I do wear the pants. He knows this and he is ok with it. We do not think that he is "P.W." but he just needs someone to tell him and guide him in the right direction. If this doesn't bother you, then let it be. If it does, then just talk to her.
340446
make you r man feel important and needed. If your independent thats fine but at least act like you need your man to help you sometimes. Also look him in the eye, smile and kiss him, give him unexpected kisses and huggs. Bring him a glass of tea or something and maybe cook him a speacial treat everynow and then just to show him you love him. Call, text, e-mail , or write him a letter so he know s you are thinkinmg of him . Goood Luck
197489
Ooooo. Sounds like a familiar situation...\n\nFirst- This shouldn't be about right or wrong. That just makes people defensive and nothing comes out of it. \n\n\nYou do a lot and he needs to recognize that. \nHe needs to pitch in more and at least not depend on you to cook all the time. \n\nMy wife and I just had our first baby. We are both exhausted because we take shifts to feed the baby. Sometimes I have more energy and I cook or do some cleaning or vice versa. But marriage and kids is all about team work. You guys are in this together. \n\n\nPerhaps you need to approach this in a way that doesn't make him defensive. (if that is possible.) You want to make him see your point of view without him feeling like he needs to justify his actions. \n\nOwn your feelings. Tell him that you are too tired to cook, or say you need his help with something specific because you are worn out. Mention the part about being a team. \n\nBut make sure you let him know you do appreciate him to. Guys need that and we like to be able to help and feel needed. Using those words might get more action out of your hubby.\n\nEffective communication will help you through.
710936
Congratulations on the dramatic weight loss!!!!!\n\nMy guess is that your husband is probably feeling a little left out.  What guy wouldn't, if you devoted that much energy into your weightloss.  Especially if he's used to you paying more attention to him.  Or maybe he is like most guys that have been married for a long time.....\n\nWhen we are together for a long time, we sometimes forget to keep flirting, dating, and making the extra effort to treat our partners like out #1 choice.\n\nWe sometimes tend to get a little self-absorbed with our own problems, obligations, and responsiblities.  We forget to actively try to fulfill out partner.  We assume that out mere presence fulfills them, that since we are there, then they should feel loved.\n\nWhen a new hobby, child, project, or habit moves in (in this case, your weightloss) then sometimes they feel slighted.  We forget that our perception of something is not exactly out partner's intent.  We react before giving them a chance to clarify their intent.  We assume that they meant something rather than just asking them.\n\nAnd sometimes we forget to pursue them like we did when the relationship was new.  When a relationship is new, our bodies go into overproduction of certain feel-good chemicals (adrenaline, dopamine, norepenepherine, endorphins, etc) and we feel that rush........which usually lasts for about 36 months, unless we take measures to stimulate those chemicals to be produced.\n\nAfter 36 months, that chemical overproduction usually subsides making way for new chemicals that promote long-term acceptance and comfort.  Kind of the way our metabolisms slow down by age 30, and we need to make extra effort to stay the same size and shape.\n\nThis is when it starts to take longer for our bodies to respond to each other, and we may even thing the fire is gone, or that we are no longer in love.  Big Mistake!\n\nSometimes, when one partner makes extra effort to take care of themselves or look good, then the other partner feels threatened, insecure, like they should be improving themselves, too (but they lack the motivation to).  It's like pulling the rug out from under them, once they got comfortable with the way things were.\n\nYour best bet is to not go tell him how you feel, but to change your behavior. guys are not socialized to talk about feelings, and often don't know how they feel.   Guys are more actions-oriented.   If you change your behavior, then he will automatically respond differently to you.\n\nRemember his ego needs.  We all want the same things from others, but guys especially are sensitive to things they would never ask us for or tell us about.\n\nRemember to appreciate him, to respect him, to challenge him, to admire him, to need him, to pursue him, flirt with him, treat him like you think he's sexy and deirable, that he is skilled and powerful, and sought after.  Treat him like your #1 choice, and that you are lucky that he loves you.  Do this daily.  Give this freely, without exception or conditions.  Even when he's a crabass, take the high road, and love him anyway.\n\nTry to walk in his shoes.  Tell him how you think he must be feeling once in a while.  Even if you're wrong, just guess how you would feel if you were him.  It shows him you are aboe to see beyone your own perspective.  Seek to understand before expecting to be understood.  This is how you teach him how to treat you.  He learns how to do the same with you.  You inspire him to act differently by modifying your own behavior.\n\nHe might possibly be feeling intimidated by your drive and your success, and maybe a little inadequate or emasculated.  Let him know that he's the man.\n\nIt would be self-defeating to let your self-worth be determined by his approval.  Don't change yourself too much to try to please him.  Make him come to you with what he needs, and be willing to give it to him.  Chances are he just wants to be the man, to be powerful, attractive
1165727
Stroke his ego ALOT!  Men just love hearing how he's THE man!  Let him buy the toys that he wants.  Never question his manlyhood in any way.  Be there for him.  He needs to know that he is a good provider.  Don't be too clingy and don't question his whereabouts.  Don't act jealous all the time.  I'm sure you don't, but some wives do.  One of the best ways to make him happy is to show that your happy!
372640
Was he that way before you married him? If so, why would you expect it to be different now?\n\nIf he wasn't, then--as said above--you've probably run rampant at home and he doesn't feel the need, or is trying to "balance" the situation. Could also be med/psych reasons too.
390419
im sure he appreciates you, he just doesn't know how  to show it.  I know how you feel, so here's some tips that might help:\n\n-tell him you feel over worked and you know his job is demanding but maybe he can find or make time to help out and spend time with you and his kid.\n\n-tell him he can help out by picking up after himself, and doing laundry or dishes or cook once in awhile.\n\n-show him you do do things and that you take care of your kid.\n\n-tell him you feel unappreciated,ask him to say thanks once in a while or that flowers would be nice.\n\n-if worse comes to worse ask him to chang eor start looking for a new job with more flexible hours.\n\ntry to remember he loves you and that you do alot, try to get him to share in the work.  if he doesn't change you could hire a house cleaner to help you out, i dont know what else you can do, good luck!  i hope it works out!\n-get him to try to change his hours at work or take days off or even go in late or go home early once in awhile.\n\n-let him know how you feel and remind himbeing a father an husband comes first before his job, help him relize what hes missing out on.\n\n-
54535
It may be lack of education as a child, or how his parents raised him,\n\nTry reading the book His needs, Her needs, by Willard Harley jr. \nThis can help you understand your hubby a bit better. you may also find that he has a hidden need you new nothing about and he is beginning to withdrawl from t\nhe marriage through lack of support.\n\nhow you speak with him also plays a role. are you constantly harping on the issue, or are you treating him with respect and asking his support as the MAN of the house?
418874
Its possible that both of you are trying to fill the roles of wife and husband. What I mean is not seeing each other as people,not dealing with things as they are but trying to do things as you think they should be dealt with. Maybe he thinks he should be in charge, telling you what to do what to spend. I think its time you 2 have a good long talk and find out how each of you really feels clear the air. Oh one other thing to think about your at that stage in a relationship where your past the first glow of love and seeing him as he really is, time to work at the relationship build it up or see if it can be worked out.
1082031
You both have to meet 50/50.  Talking about it is the best way.  Do other things to fill your time but if you feel like he isn't giving enough then move on.
536893
start focusing on the good things he does - let him know what would make you feel appreciated - you telling him you are going to leave him is now an empty threat - try to talk to him to let him know how what he is doing makes you feel (or how what he is not doing makes you feel)
907266
you cant really "make him think of you as a wife" he must feel it in his heart. you could try talking to him giving him ideas about what kind of a wife u'd like to be and how much ur gonna work on being a mother or being a great wife...just talk to him about it thats what u could do, other than that, the rest is really up to him.\n\nGood luck :) hope this helped. God bless you