Want a good clean lawyer joke for a presentation.  Help please.?
475995
Ok.  A young lawyer at a new firm is approached by his senior partner.  The Senior Partner looks at him and says, "Son, I need you to run this settlement check over the the Mills factory behind the woods.  The roads are snowed in, so you better cut through the woods.  And make sure you run, because if we don't settle up this dispute by 5 pm, the deal is off and our client is sunk."  The young lawyer, wanting to make a good impression for his boss, assures the senior partner he can do the job, takes the check, and runs off into the woods.  \n\nAround half way through the woods, the lawyer runs into an enourmous bear.  Fearful for his life, the lawyer sticks out his arms to defend himself; at which the bear growl, rips the check from his hands, and swallows it whole.  The lawyer, realizing what had happened, gets up and speeds off to the Ranger station.  He runs in and tells the Ranger what had happened.  The ranger, knowing full well that he "can't have no check eatin' bears harrassing young lawyers" in his woods, gets his shotgun and asks the lawyer to lead him to the bear.  \n\nWhen they get to the spot of the attack, there are two bears  present.  The Ranger looks over at the lawyer and say, "well, which one is it."  The lawyer looks and say "I'm sure its the one on the right?"  The Ranger looks at him closely and says, "I don't know... that one is a male bear, and they tend to be timid, and the females, like the one on the left, tend to be a lot more vicious."  The lawyer insists though that the male bear is the one that swallowed the check, so the Ranger shoots it, guts it and looks inside the stomach.  To the lawyers amazement, there was no check.  With that, the Ranger shots the female bear, guts her, looks into the stomach and finds the check.  He gives it to the young lawyer, who takes off to the factory with the check in hand.\n\nThe moral of the story: if a lawyer tells you that the check is in the "mail," don't believe him.
412130
old joke.\n\ncat suit
965237
www.ahajokes.com/office_jokes.html
327715
YOU HAVE THE EVIDENSE PRESENT IT TO A LAWYER ASAP
733686
Funny.\n\nSasha Baron Cohen. \n\nAli G
258497
go to funnyjunk.com, or jokes.com
593494
make it flashy and include the above information from others.  If you make it long just with noises and cool effects, it will get the extra Presentation grade.  it worked for me
1146127
1. Use the F-word as much as possible\n2. Use !!!!!!!!s\n3. Wear nothing but a g-string when you present\n4. Begin your presentation by saying, "I have horrible gas today."\n5. "Accidentally" open up some nasty-ass porn.
1100347
note card. Label them properly according to source and subject, and they will be immensely helpful to you.\n\nGood luck.
1034311
You realy want a dirty joke? okay heres one.
503680
Throw them a life preserver - the politician will try to talk the lawyer into giving it up and the lawyer will sue for it....I personally would sell tickets to the show and then go have lunch AND a movie; ticket sales would provide enough moolah for both, and then some......
520227
This website has tons of them!\n\nhttp://www.power-of-attorneys.com/StupidLawsuit.htm
1076654
HA HA HA \nnice n clean joke
607990
http://www.ahajokes.com/blonde_jokes.html\n\nThis web site has many clean blonde jokes. I hope it helps!
764957
A good clean joke smashing thanks for sharing it with us...
1169207
dirty but funny:\n\nThere was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.\n\nHe was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.\n\n"Except what?" the man asked.\n\n"Nothing, nothing."\n\n"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"\n\n"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"\n\n"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.\n\nThe old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"\n\nThe old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.\n\n"I'll take it!" said the businessman.\n\nThe old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.\n\nAfter he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.\n\nGasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
406520
every time a new wittiness is called switch seats with another juror...\n\nsit with your back to the judge for an hour...\n\nsit in the audience for a day to see how the court room looks from another prospective..\n\norder pizza and have it delivered an hour after the trial starts...\n\ntake a cell phone call...\n\ntake a walkie-talkie call...\n\nhit on the defense attorney or paralegals...\n\npretend you have torrents...\n\nthe next day pretend you have amnesia...\n\neat asparagus, kimchee, wings, and beer for dinner so \n\neveryone can enjoy the a*s flute....\n\nshow up with a cooler of beer and a portable grill...(grillin n chillin)..\n\nread a news paper while the trial is going on...\n\nkeep asking the judge, witnesses, and attorneys questions...\n\nlisten to your Ipod...\n\nwatch a movie...\n\nevery time an attorney asks a question jump to your feet and shout 'AMEN!' and 'CAN I GET A WITNESS!!' switch attorneys every day...\n\ntell the judge you have a drug habit and need to be paid three times more than the other jurors...\n\nkeep giving the bailiff notes for everyone in the court telling them neat things like, their car just got towed, their house is on fire, they have just been kidnapped, there is a bomb in the building(works best for the Muslim trials), there is a stain on their pants, there is something in their teeth...