favorite joke you heard from an actual standup comic?
475843
Jim Gaffigan\n\nPope...that's an odd job.  Is there a little kid out there wanting to be pope?\n\n"Here he comes, the best pope ever..."*does the cross thing while making an applauding noise*\n\nThink the mom brags?  "Yeah, your son is a doctor?  Mine is the pope.  Your son owns his own house?  Mine owns his own city."\n\nEver thought about going to school with the pope?  "I went to high school with that guy...he was a jerk."\n\n\nI get to see Jim in a week!  Yeah.
822360
Hehe...I LOVE SICK JOKES!  Sexy bear that wont die...hilarious and original!  I give u a 100 on a scale of 1 to 10!  I'd like to meet that bear sometime!  But im just a sick person, anyway, lol...
786007
Unfortunately the jokes will be around as long as he is.\n\nI got a million of 'em:\n\n"Good news for President Clinton. They've repaired his heart and his lungs. That's two of his three busiest organs" --David Letterman \n"Bill Clinton went back into the hospital today so surgeons can clean up from his last operation -- remove fluid build up. Now isn't that what got him impeached last time?" --Jay Leno\n\n"Thank goodness Clinton is doing fine. And today his condition was upgraded from stable to horny." --Jay Leno\n\n"Bill Clinton's presidential library opened yesterday and cost $7 to get in. On the bright side, every night is ladies' night." --Conan O'Brien \n\n"You know what today was? The official opening of the Clinton library in Little Rock, Arkansas. You probably saw it on the news. Poured -- nothing but rain, which is kind of ironic because a lot of dresses got ruined." --Jay Leno
877278
Thats the best joke i've heard so far keep on going.
278914
That is literally the funniest joke I've ever heard.  Ever.  In fact, I don't even think it was so much the joke, as how well you told it.  You, my friend, are a comedic genius.
823027
One of the better one liners that i've seen on these pages! An oldie, but a goodie! Thanks for making me laugh!
626088
"Laughing my ass off"
968850
I have heard this one before and it is still the funniest joke I think I have ever read. Thanks for sharing..
932255
good surprise punch line
108947
I have two: I love the second one.\nJoke #1\nA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"\n\nIn a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."\n\nOur bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"\n\nThe blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."\n-----------\n Joke #2\nTwo women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are\n comparing stories on how they died.\n\n 1st woman: I froze to death.\n\n 2nd woman: How horrible!\n\n 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the\n cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a\n peaceful death. What about you?\n\n 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected\n that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to\n catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by\n himself in the den watching TV.\n\n 1st woman: So what happened?\n\n 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there\n somewhere that I started running all over the house\n looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down\n into the basement. Then I went through every closet and\n checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had\n looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that\n I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!\n\n 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd\n both still be alive.
305529
This is the funniest question I have seen yet.  I am sitting here at my desk at work and crying this is so funny.  \n\nBy the way, my butt says "WHAAT!" when I fart.\n\nMy daughter & I went into a public restroom at a Best Buy one time and I thought we were the only ones in there.  All of a sudden I heard a "Hellloo" fart and I answered back verbally with a "Hellloo".  I heard my daughter giggling and I realized it was not my daughter but the lady next to her.\n\nThe "Gilligan" is the funniest ever.\n\nDon't you just love the answers from the girls who act like they never fart.
1165421
Big Baboon?\n\nThat's clever, but I think it needs some more, or different setup to make the punchline more effective.\n\nMaybe the man is blind, and was stranded in a jungle for years.
876037
my favorite joke is \nThree boy walked into a Candy shop.\nThe first boy said can I have ten cents worth of licorice\nSo the clerk took out a ladder and reached to the highest shelf and brought out 5 pieces of licorice and the clerk put the ladder away\nThe second boy said can I have ten cents worth of licorice the clerk sighed and brought back out the ladder and reached to the highest shelf and gave him 5 pieces of licorice and put the ladder back up with another 5 pieces of licorice for the third boy\nThen it was time for the third boy to get candy so the clerk said let me guess ten cents worth of licorice too but the boy said no 20 cents worth of licorice \n My favorite song is \nLondon Bridge by Fergie
965237
www.ahajokes.com/office_jokes.html
699568
LMFAO :)) Where do you get all these great jokes? Absolutely hilarious
695118
That's the best joke I've heard on this site in a LONG time!\n\nThanks for the laughs! Keep up the great work!!\n\n(Gotta remember this one for the folks at work!)
889780
Hey!!!!NICE!!!\nI really like it, it’s a good one and its also unique, ive never heard such a gr8 joke before!!!!!\nI give it a 10/10 cuz it deserves it.\nI hope you keep sending more jokes like these!!!!