More information and thanks for all that replied. (12 years married and 8 months separated)?
490568
You given a lot to him and this relationship.  It is now time for you to give to your self and find happiness.  Good luck...
434857
hmmmm...tough life!\ni understand its never easy to go in for change at this stage in life when one especially feels like sitting back and looking at the life one has lived and smiling about it.\ni guess one shot at trying to salvage a 20 yr old marriage would be justified, so none of you two can blame oneself or the other one for not having done anything to preserve the marriage. and maybe it went this far just because u both have been waiting for the other one to speak up or adjust to you....and the distance kept on increasing gradually till it reached where it is today.\nit is never too late to start afresh, and neither to restart the same old life either.\nstart with talking to each other about the problems u both had(no fighting though)\ntry marriage counselling once(for yr kids if not yrself)\nand meanwhile try to make yr life lil more interesting, start working part time or something.\nand if nothing works...then u think about the rest\nface reality...u hav worked on yr life for 20 yrs and u hav 2 kids...u just cant let it go purely because someone thinks she can take yr place, but like i said earlier...no screaming and creating a mess, try and keep yr exteriors calm(very difficult, but thats the only way regretfully, even if u feel like shooting people)
741264
13 years is a really long time.  I don't think you are giving yourself credit because it has only been just a year. I am not sure about running out to meet other women is the best way.  I think that just makes a person vulnerable to more hurt.   I think that if you look over the year and think about how you were right after the 2 of you divorced and where you are at now, I bet you see that you have made  progress.  Time does heal it just may take a little longer for you so don't be so hard on yourself and I do believe that in another 2 months you will be even a little closer to smiling without faking it.  It has been 4 months for me since I had any contact and it has been a very happy time for me.  Somedays better than others.  I decided to volunteer my time on a day that seems to be the hardest for me.  I also got back in contact with the friends I blew off while I was seeing this person who was so toxic.  What a waste of my time on this earth.  You will eventually heal, I am holding on to that belief myself.  Good luck.
79934
First off, I am so sorry for what happened. I am divorced myself and I thought it was so hard to move on without him. But thanks to my circle of friends and my job. I kept myself occupied on everything. I started hanging out with my friends to dinner, movie, or just a little chitchat any where. I shopped a lot too to keep my mind occupied. It took me a couple of years to move on but not completely. I have children with this man (ex) and had to support them myself. BUT I look at everything that's happened in a positive way. Things happened for a reason and I did not believe that until I met my current spouse who totally rocks my world.\n\nI did not search to find him. I pray though that LIFE should be better now. \n\nStay focus on yourself and your children (if any). Surround yourself with friends who are there to keep you smiling. Avoid friends who keep talking about what happened when its way too old. \n\nBelieve me, it helps me a lot!
258998
Hey man I know where you are coming from. My wife just told me that cheated on me with another man about 2 months ago. I went nutts, but not too bad. Luckily she told me at our preachers house. After she told me I did not know what to do. Because in the bible it states that that is the only reason for divorce. I sat down and talked with her and the preacher. We agreed that we would stay together. I wanted to leave her but then I didn't. I love her so much, and not only because we have kids. I am still having a hard time getting over it. Like I said it has already been 2 months since she told me and I still can not sleep nor trust her. There are still times when I want to leave but I can't because I love her too much. Also you don't want to go out and do the same thing she did. It won't do any good, except have a burden on your shoulders. Just hang in there man. Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. God Bless!
844001
I guess it would depend on the circumstances of the divorce. Mine was due to lying, adultery, and mental illness (all on his part). After 12 1/2 yrs. of marriage and 2 1/2 yrs. of being apart it's getting harder and harder to remember the good times. I know they existed but the details are fuzzy now. I remember the hurtful times more - mostly because those are what you dwell on the most immediately after your spouse leaves. Emotions are usually high then and often negative. That is what sticks with you.\n\nAfter 27 yrs. of marriage I think it would be difficult to forget everything - especially if there were lots of good times (special vacation spots, things you both enjoyed doing together on a regular basis, events with the kids, etc.). It's a bit harder to go about rebuilding a new life after that kind of time together. You were probably so familiar to each other as the air you breathed at that point. I would have loved to get to that point in my marriage.\n\nPeople say after that long you take each other for granted, that things are 'boring'. That kind of being taken for granted and familiarity (also referred to as boring) has it's plus side. It has the opportunity to be a deeper, more satisfying, lasting love than what you can get from an affair or new relationship. Even while your brain is producing those wonderful chemical reactions to give you that 'in love' feeling it's hard to compare to 27 yrs. of someone being by your side. Even the stalest relationships can have new life breathed into them with a little effort and regular 'tune-ups'. Unless there was abuse I just couldn't imagine walking away from someone after that long. If it wasn't an amicable parting I feel very sorry for you both.
603316
Not likely....you were only married for a year and you came into the marraige with these things.  Get a good lawyer and you should be fine.  Find a flat rate divorce attorney....it will cost you more up front, (and possible  a little more in the end) but you won't get nickel and dimed with every phone call, email, and paper that needs written/filed.  Good luck....and it really does gt better!
785858
I have been married for 8 months, after being toghether for 4 years. The relationship went worst and worst from the 4-th day of marriage, and now we are waiting for the year to pass, so we could divorce... 0.001% satisfaction... :(
187724
I hear that. Thats the best fact I have heard in a while. Now just get my husband to relize that and i would be even happier. LOL married for 12 years and with him for 15. I think he forgot why he married me to begin with.
634795
Wow - you did good - for me and my wife it was 4 years.\n\nBasically we'd built up a whole load of junk and it was through a marriage course that we got it all cleared out and were able to love each other again.\n\nDetails of the nearest course can be found at:\n\nhttp://themarriagecourse.org/marriage/\n\nI cannot recommend it enough - it saved us from a very messy divorce.  And 3 years on we are still very much in love...
601952
Had 2 kids, very tough, loved her when we divorced. Partied to much, had no idea what I was getting into (with kids). Wish the divorce had never happened and it took 17 years to get back to where I could finally have a relationship and feel good. It is not fun, not like the movie stars! It is very painful and be very careful and ready when you marry. It is a great thing to have a great partner.
873298
How much do you care for him? Are you happy with him and your lifestyle? Would you really miss him if you came back to the USA and he did not?\nPeople lie about their age for different reasons, low self esteem, afraid you would not even give him a chance etc. The kids from a previous marriage though, you need to find out what kind of relationship he plans to have with them. Why has he not seen, talked to them in a year? Ask for clarification on all the things that are bothering you. Communication is the key
13268
Can you be a bit more specific about the situation? How does SHE feel? Is she separated? Unhappy? You definitely aren't nuts though. Many have been there before and will be in this situation again.
510373
I hear your frustration, but I also hear someone who is still in love with the person they married.  Sure, you don't feel for him the way you used but some of that is normal after 10 years, and some of that is from the financial frustration that is dragging you down.  Some times life just doesn't work out the way we had planned and we have to decide if it is best to adjust our expectations or change our lives.  This isn't easy as you have stated because you may find out that nothing changes or things are even worse without him.  Divorce is a huge step and a risk because it doesn't guarantee you that everything will get better.  I guess the big question is, can things change financially just because of a divorce?
486499
I'm really very sorry that you have to go through this  type of situation because i have.Right now I know that it doesn't seem like it will ever get better,but trust me it does.I had been married for 10yrs, together with the same man since high school.He broke my heart left me with a 8,6,4,3month old.To make a looooooong story short(lol)I've been remarried HAPPILY for 7years now.My husband treats me like the Queen that I am,and I most definitely treat him like a King.GOD Bless you and your children(your husband too,he's going to need it)
860895
Isn't the distance grounds enough for a divorce?what is your reason for coming back in.?the reason you have given here is not enough.\nmove on with your life.your absence is abandonment.
1013419
Yes I meant it. 12 years of a not so great marriage, but now it is better than ever. I am glad I have the commitment and morals that helped me hang on for 12 years to where things are better. You are a great guy don't sell yourself short for anyone. Keep your morals and you commitment, you may not know it, but, they mean so much to you and always will.\nCongratulations and keep up what you have.