What to do with an ex husband who won't go away?
482298
I don't know what state your in, but you can definitly get a restraining order!  don't let it go on any longer.
471373
Sorry to hear the situation you are in. I hate to say it, but somebody IS getting hurt. Just because her husband doesnt know YET doesnt mean it wont kill him inside when he finds out. \n\nAs for you, I think she is just using you...she would have left her husband long before you came around if she didnt want to stay. Her man is probably just not fufilling her needs, either emotionally or sexually...you filled that void for her, but I am betting you are not as important to her as he is. What will likely happen is she will eventually leave you all together and go back to him.\n\nI am sorry if this sounds brutal, but sometimes it is hard to see the truth when you are IN the situation. I dont think she is trying to play games with you nor is she trying to hurt anybody...just trying to fill a painful void with a caring man. If it were not you, it would be someone else. I really hope you dont get hurt here and sever this relationship; there IS a good, SINGLE woman out there for you who will want ONLY you. Not all of us play games. Take care\n\n------------------------------------------------------------\nYou are very welcome ;) Good luck in finding a nice woman!\n------------------------------------------------------------\nOh! That makes it SO hard. I thought I had the one too, not that long ago. I was with him for 2 and 1/2 years and even was engaged to him and trying to have children. I found out that since the day we met, he had been lying to me consistantly and had even created a profile on a dating web site days before he purposed to me.  \n\nLike my ex, this woman is telling you all the things you want to hear and you are completely devoted to her. The fact that you have to question it means your head is trying to tell you it is wrong, but your heart is arguing. You are trying to find some execuse for her actions, some way to beleive she cares for you as much as you for her. Trust me, your heart is making you lie to yourself, dont get caught in this trap! She doesnt really care for you...only herself, or she wouldnt be hurting the people she is SUPPOSED to be caring about (her husband OR you). Tell her you love her too much to play second string to her husband...you NEED to communicate here. Give her an ultimatim; say him or you. That is how you will find out the truth. I know you dont want to pressure her, but if she loved you, it SHOULD NOT have even been a necessity. It is time for the games to stop.\n\nYour heart is invested here and you will get hurt one way or the other...only you can decide how much. Even if she DOES decide to leave her husband (which I doubt) she will likely cheat on you in a few years (once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater). The longer you are with her the more pain you are going to suffer! I feel it would be best if you broke it off and NEVER spoke to her again...then you can tend to your broken heart. Trust me...I know your pain. I wanted to kill myself when I left my man, but things will get brighter and you will see this woman DOES NOT deserve you! There WILL be someone better for you. Heal your heart and give it time. You CAN make it through this.\n------------------------------------------------------------\nI know :p Thanks. I wouldnt say that I know a lot...I have only been in one relationship. What I do know is based on a few things; that one relationship gave me more experience than I could ever have wanted, friends and their experiences and watching WAY to many talk shows :p My personality helps too, I guess...I am empathetic, can see all sides and I have really high morals. Ultimatly, you need to do what you feel is right and try not to let your heart rule you (as you would be supprised what you can convince yourself of just to follow your emotions). I really hope things work out for you! So many men are players and it is good to see one that goes against the rule!\n-----------------------------------------------------------\nYou are very welcome. I would be happy to provide my two cents on an
1171875
For one thing, I'd talk to the ex-in laws. They need to refuse to give in to her everytime she's not getting her way with you.
168378
Huihui, I think you mean "Why don't men want to let you go when you are already in the middle of divorcing them?"  \nright?\n\nWell, it depends on the person, of course.  If the divorce was your idea and he resisted, that's natural.  If he has a big ego, then maybe he thinks if he just holds out long enough, he will charm you into coming back.  And maybe he is so possessive, he can't stand the idea of you being with anybody else.
128557
Talk to a lawyer.  You may have a case for child abandonment.  It happened with me.\n\nMy ex-wife left with the guy across the street.  I moved with our daughter (told my wife that we were), she didn't do squat.  Only called for a month or so, then just quit calling.\n\nAfter a year or so, I contacted an atty, and he filed the abandonment paperwork and 3 months later - she has no rights whatsoever.\n\nAfter 13 years, I still haven't heard a word from her.\n\nIt is especially sad that a woman would abandon a child.  she gave birth to it, cared for it and then decided that it was to much for her to deal with.
229066
My opinion would be: start to once again see your ex. But on a "haven't seen you in years so what's up" type of seeing him. Get to know him once again. Maybe even do some volunteering that you can do with bringing you child (if their old enough, have them help out too). Invite your ex to come & volunteer too. While volunteering you can see what he's like around people he doesn't know and in an environment he's not used to. Plus you can see how he acts around your kid & if your kid likes him (most important). \n\nAfter everything has had time to "settle" and you know if you could have another relationship (after going over everything that you have noticed and if your kid likes him), then you can contemplate whether or not if you'd want to be with him. If it's mutual with you both, then that's when I would bring up the point with your current husband. Talk to him about you & him only (don't bring up your ex AT ALL). From his answers and reactions to what you're telling him (with you saying he's becoming to controlling), then you can decide if you should get a divorce. If that does occur, then you will have your ex that you can go back to. He will be there for both you and your kid. Plus if a divorce does occur, and everything works out, then you can get married. \n\nWouldn't know, but maybe when you talk to your husband have some friends &/or family with you too. For many reasons such as support, their side of the story, and if anything happens...hopefully not (DON'T have your kid there. have them with say your mom, out for the day)\n\nIf your husband does find out about you seeing your ex, he can’t accuse you of cheating, if you spend time volunteering with your kid, or participate in events that you work with other people, but also work with your ex too. So you truly won’t be cheating\n\nHope whatever happens, everything works out!!
364354
If he has already moved on then you just have to accept it and reorganize your life..you cannot put your life on hold waiting for him to come back... Don't dwell on him, he left you and gave up on your marriage, he is not worth it, even if he comes back this time, believe me, he will do it again, so move on and concentrate on bringing up your kids and finding a man who deserves you...
16384
I have been in this kind of situation and got out of it safely and successfully. First of all, don't let him know you are thinking about leaving. It will only put you into greater danger. If possible, move every important document or anything else he might use to blackmail you to a safe place beforehand. Don't worry much about taking things that can be replaced. You should also be prepared to move to an area where you are not likely to run into him. Be prepared to change a job. When you move, keep your phone number unlisted and get a p.o. box for the first year. Or talk to a domestic violence councelor about getting a substitute address if you think he would be willing to go a great distance to find you. Making sure that he can't find you is the most important thing for your safety. If you plan to stay with relatives, choose someone distant, if possible, someone who he wouldn't think you'd go to and hopefully, you have someone whose address he doesn't know. Just lie low for a while until you get yourself together (it will be a hard emotional time), and then you can file for divorse and hopefully full custody of your child. A restraining order should help in your custody battle. It's very important that he has no custody because then you would have to keep seeing him and it would put you into danger. But there are plenty of ways for you to get away from him and there are many laws that will help you to make sure that your information is kept secret from him. You can go to a domestic violence shelter and they will be able to answer your legal questions. I got out of that situation, and now I am with the most wonderful man in the world. You can do the same! Believe me, you deserve much-much better!
293039
First of all, when you DO see each other, make sure that any "feelings of attachment" are clearly communicated.  For example, if you are still friends and wish to remain "friends," set the boundaries straight.  As long as both of you have a clear understanding that the friendship can grow in spite of the divorce, then seeing your ex-husband should not pose a dilemma.  Sometimes ex-lovers make the greatest friends!  I should know, I'm still in communications with my ex-boyfriend who recently got married.  Although I couldn't make it to the wedding, he still considered me as one of his friends by sending me an invite.
920077
use a common friend to get to your ex-wife. i think it's very noble of you to try to work things out among yourselves. if your ex-wife still refuse to accept the fact that you're actually doing her a favor by resorting to peacefull means, then you have no choice but to do whatever would be necessary for the sake of your child. you need not feel guilty then if the court decides in your favor because you have tried your best to warn her.
232357
Don't leave. It can be used against you later to keep you from getting even partial custody. Stay for the sake of at least visitations. I know, I had to go through the same sh!t.
54986
Just be there when he needs to talk or wants to talk. If just coming out of a nasty divorce I would say he needs some space. Don't rush the friendship or it will backfire on you. To let him know your not coming on to him is simple just be honest with him and tell him it is to soon to be in a relationship and all you want right now is to be friends. Actions speak louder than words.
273107
Been there, done that.  He is using you, I say get out now while you are still not too emotionally attached.  If he only spends 2 hours at a time with you, it sounds like he is having his fun and then running home to his wife.  That's exactly what my ex did, the best thing you can do is learn from it.
299677
He lives in a different place and he won't let you spend the night there???\n\nWell, that's your first, last and only clue that you need.\n\nTime to call a divorce lawyer and take him for all he has.
778090
sound like the twin of my ex mother in law. I am assuming her hubby isn't around to torture anymore. Hubby feels like she is protecting his interest. He needs to be reminded of who his interests really are. Ultimatum time. Don't let this unhappy person get you down to her level, where she will be more comfortable with you. Move away. Find her a Hobie, like "find your way home"
785101
From a woman's point of view it sounds like she's not over your husband. She's aware the little boy is the last link to their relationship and she's refusing to move on. The fact that the hubby has moved on and married you has made her want him back. There's no easy way out of this one. If you guys ignore her, she may well pull the little boy away or become a bigger problem than she is already. But if you are too reasonable she will walk all over you. Just be assertive without being rude (i know it's hard!) and be there for the little boy. His relationship with his dad should be of the most import to his mum and everyone involved. Hope you can work it out...good luck.
760078
Ex-husband or boyfriend? If he has no legal claim over the house call the cops. If he does then leaving with your kids sounds like the only reasonable option.