how do you deal with a spouse/partner that is terminally ill?
489976
First of all, let me say that I am very sorry for both you and your husband. My Mother is 5 years into treatment for Lymphoma and I know how hard it can be. I am concerned about the fact that you think God has healed him, yet he is obviously very ill. I understand that you want to turn to faith in this situation. You need to grasp the fact that faith is not a plan. Neither is cutting back your paycheck if you cannot afford to do so. Is he on chemo? Any treatment? There are many medications he can be given with chemo that will help him enormously to feel well enough to manage himself while you are at work. He can try many of the different blood cell booster shots. He also may want to look into anti-depressants. Depression will inhibit his immune system and cause his energy to fall lower that it would be from the cancer itself. His oncologist needs to be aware of your concerns immediately. Your families should also be involved. Most often family members want to help but don't know what to do. Please feel free to contact me through my Q&A page if I can help more with specific questions for your doctor or medications to ask about. Good luck.
1177393
Lexy,\nI am deeply sorry for your loss, however, remember you son is now in a better place and is watching over his mother.  Read Sylvia Brown's "Life on the Other Side".  I have had too many close experiences with death and this has really helped me understand what is to happen next.  Our bodies will terminate, however we will not.\n\nNate
841847
My husband. He just lost his mother to cancer.
691895
Tell that to the doctors that told me in December that my husband was going to die, that there was nothing that any of the medications, doctors or anyone else could do for him.\n\nask the same surgical team who could not understand why my husband was not on life support and was breathing on his own, oxygenating at 98% on 3L of oxygen when it should have been a vent breathing for him.\n\nThe same doctor that told me there was nothing that modern medicine could do saw my husband in the month of February for his check up and told him point blank that he KNEW my husband had a miraculous recovery.  Believe what you want about who you want, and respect the right of the born again to believe what they want...you won't change us, nor will you break our faith.
1109072
Nothing if im not related to them.  If I am a relative, I would go visit them with a get well card and pray.  If I am a nurse take good care of them.  If I am a doctor I would give them the best care.
855095
tell them no. that's what he wants you to do serve him. find an agency that offers 24 hour care or you can also contact hospice they are trained to help the family with respite and other situations were it is impossible for the family to care for the terminally ill.and he can afford it if they are well to do. i know you are a good person just by reading your story, but he hates you, not dislike or slightly annoyed, just mean. explain to your husband that after all the years you just wouldn't be comfortable taking care of such a mean spirit. i know him and his family will come up with another idea. and the elderly and sick need more attention and care.good luck and forgive him and pray for him.
430407
Just be there for them, there's very little that you can do or say, nothing to stop the pain. But making sure that all the everyday things are sorted out and letting them talk as much as they want to all help. Good luck.
392895
First... I am sorry for your loss... Second telling him at home with everyone there will be better but I will not be easy... At some level you father knows that he is dying... and that the end is near... So I would say.. be strong... be supportive... and be understanding... \n\nWith that there is no right way to tell him... but I would say just telling him is the best... Let him know the doctors have done all they can... that the sickness is to advance.. and that there is no medical cure for it... That at the illness current status it will overcome him... and that he will pass away.. don't tell him he will just fall asleep unless you are medicating him with heavy pain pills...\n\nOnce you tell him... be prepared for the 5 stages of death... Denial... anger... Bargaining... Depression... and finally acceptance... note that he may go through these steps fast slow... multiple times... and maybe each time he sees a family member or friend... also remember that he will not be the only one... You and all your family and friends will also go through these steps... \n\nAgain I am sorry for you loss... I hope this helps... in some way...
204525
It is a natural as birth, I my father died two years ago. He had a maintainable decease Ulcerative colitis. But at 72 he was tired of living. He felt he had done what he was put here to do and there was no talking him out of it. They put him on painkillers and sent him home. He died six months later. It's tempting to say "lost", but this isn't the case in reality. Those who pass over are ever present in our lives. At times you will even hear them speak when you are having troubles. Right now your mother in law is in a safe place and at peace. There is no time, no pain, there is no fear or suffering. Better by far than the place where we live today. If you look ahead I know it sounds far fetched, but you will see her again soon. Time isn't what you think it is.. So waste non of it. 20 years from now this will make even more sense.
971338
My aunt passed away this past year from breast cancer, and I don't know if this is something that it unique to the city they live in, to breast cancer, or to terminal patients, but there was a hospice that helped them (her, her husband, my cousins, and my grandparents) through the entire thing, providing counseling for her and for her "co-survivors" (the people in your life whose lives are affected during diagnosis, treatment, and possibly death), being an advocate for her with the various doctors and hospitals and treatment centers, helping them find financial resources when things got really bad financially, and when the end was near, she went to live there and was cared for in a really kind, peaceful, gentle way (unlike at a hospital, where understaffing can happen, the hospice is small, and the people are trained for that particular work...  they became close friends through the whole ordeal).\n\nIt's not just with the elderly.  Depression in cancer patients and families of cancer patients is understandable and common.  If you don't know of any resources, start out talking to his oncologist (or a nurse at the oncologist's office, since a lot of times, the doctors can be rushed and not all doctors have a great bedside manner, while nurses are the ones who are actually THERE for the whole thing).  Express your concerns and ask if there are any centers, hospices, or other resources available to help them work through this time in their lives.  I'm sure they'll be able to get you to SOMEONE who could help, or who could tell you what the next step towards getting help would be.\n\nAll that aside, when my own grandfather had cancer, he was very trying to be around.  I say that, and I hope you realize that I love him very very much, and I understand that it's COMPLETELY normal for him to be upset, and all that, but realistically, yeah, he was difficult to be with.  Basically, for 65 years, he had been a robust man, working two jobs at time, a manager or supervisor in just about any job he had, he loved to be around people and to travel and to work out in his yard and all that, then he got sick, and was dependant on his wife (a woman my husband likes to tease about being the only 65-year-old woman to maintain her birthweight...  she's TINY) and his daughters and doctors, and he didn't have the energy he wanted to keep up with grandkids and go to church and he couldn't travel anymore.  Basically, he just had to hand over his "I Can Take Care of Myself" card, and I think his pride was hurt more than his body at that time.  So we'd bring him food, or help him across the house, and he was grumbling the whole time, not because he was bothered by us or he didn't think we were taking good care of him, but because he didn't want to be taken care of at all.  That frustration on top of everything else came out loud and clear.  Understand that your grandfather is a grown man (even if at times he has to be cared for like a child) and try to find ways to respect him that way.  In some ways, taking care of an ill grandparent is like taking care of a three-year-old.  They have to reliquish control, but they won't do it happily.  Sometimes the best thing to do is to let them think they have control, even over seemingly small things.  \n\nI'm sorry to hear of your grandfather's illness.  Take care.
1156999
My husband.  He's still here, but he's unavailable.  He got sick and is depressed.  Nothing seems to help.\n\nHow do you grieve someone who sits across the table from you?\n\n(Thanks for answering my question.  When I read your question and answered it, I knew I needed to ask mine.)
649658
Dear Vickki, I am assuming you have lost someone dear to you in death? I am sorry for you pain. I know the days often seem so long. God does not promise us a life without difficulties and sorrow. He does promise his grace, his mercy and his endless love. It is so hard to understand but someday we will! I hope you can find comfort in knowing you will see your loved ones again. Think about all the wonderful times you had with this person while they were here on this earth. Thank God for blessing your life with their life. By thanking God, you will find the most amazing comfort. Peace will come and you will be able to go on. Hold on to the  the memories and treasure each end every one. I will pray for you and that your pain will be eased. God Bless!
202768
You will rejoin your spouse soon enough.  For now, you must ask God for the strength and wisdom to guide your children properly into life.\n\nThere is comfort in knowing that God and the angels will see to your spouse's continued development on the heavenly spheres.  \n\nJourney:  http://spaces.msn.com/up-escalator/Blog/cns!DEEDEA79C3C4F8C3!105.entry\n\nThere is also a url list at this blog, on the right.  There is a book listed which has been a source of great comfort to many facing the loss of a loved one. Online website listed below.\n\nWe will pray for your family and ask God to send an angel to strengthen your spirits.\n\nThis world is a bridge.  We are all here temporarily.  \n\n"Then went Lazarus over to Jesus and, with his sisters, knelt at the Master's feet to give thanks and offer praise to God.  Jesus, taking Lazarus by the hand, lifted him up, saying: 'My son, what has happened to you will also be experienced by all who believe this gospel except that they shall be resurrected in a more glorious form.  You shall be a living witness of the truth which I spoke--I am the the resurrection and the life.  But let us all now go into the house and partake of nourishment for these physical bodies.'"  page 1846, THE URANTIA BOOK
505980
Spend time with her, help her with life's small stuff, and help her be calm while you wait for the outcome. We are handling my father's lung cancer. He won't let on, but he is scared. So, we, his 5 kids, + my mom spend as much time being around him "talking about regular stuff" in between all of the doctor's appointments, etc.  It helps to make him feel needed- not like we're babysitting him. So, my sisters and I ask him random "gardening questions" and other things that he likes to do. It helps take his mind off of the constant waiting for test results and next therapies. Be a good kid, no matter how old you are. Our dad is 75, so we're not teeny boppers any more, either. It's nice to have a parent feel like a good parent, regardless of age.\n(www.TheDorkyMom.com)
255685
u dont need JE to tell u if u loved ur husband, u already know that u loved him very much and i'm sure he felt the same about u. death is the worst thing in the world to deal with and i think u need comfort and understanding. talk to family and friends about how u feel. sorry i cant help with the JE thing but good luck anyway.
1063954
Do what she asks of you as best you can, remind her that he is still alive and it's his choice where he wants to live and when she does bring it up to him offer it to him as a choice. If these are his final days she should want him to be as happy and comfortable as possible. Tell her that if she wants to be close to him then she should consider moving down there If he should die all you can do is be there, nothing you say will ever make it better. Listen when she talks and hold her when she cries, actions always speak louder then words. Knowing that you are there for her like that is the best thing you can really do for her.
1103438
I tell my husband as often as I can, you never no where death lies and at least they'll know how much we love them. Keep telling your husband how much you love & care for him, he should feel like the only man on earth with the only sweetest woman on earth. You will have a long and happy marriage.