I need a story containing about 25 Idioms in it.?
483571
what about George Bush and the 24 cabinet members story?\n\nsorry, you said IDIOMS oops
1080155
ACORN\n An acorn should be carried to bring luck and ensure a long life. \n  An acorn at the window will keep lightning out \nAMBER\n Amber beads, worn as a necklace, can protect against illness or cure colds.  \nAMBULANCE Seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose or hold your breath until you see a black or a brown dog. \n  Touch your toes\nTouch your nose\nNever go in one of those\nUntil you see a dog. \nAPPLE Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off. \n \n An apple a day \nKeeps the doctor away. \n  If you cut an apple in half and count how many seeds are inside, you will also know how many children you will have. \nBABY\n To predict the sex of a baby: Suspend a wedding band held by a piece of thread over the palm of the pregnant girl. If the ring swings in an oval or circular motion the baby will be a girl. If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy. \nBASEBALL BAT\n Spit on a new bat before using it for the first time to make it lucky \nBED\n It's bad luck to put a hat on a bed. \n  If you make a bedspread, or a quilt, be sure to finish it or marriage will never come to you \n  Placing a bed facing north and south brings misfortune. \n  You must get out of bed on the same side that you get in or you will have bad luck. \n  When making the bed, don't interrupt your work, or you will spend a restless night in it. \nBEE\n If a bee enters your home, it's a sign that you will soon have a visitor. If you kill the bee, you will have bad luck, or the visitor will be unpleasant. \n  A swarm of bees settling on a roof is an omen that the house will burn down. \nBELL\n The sound of bells drives away demons because they're afraid of the loud noise. \n  When a bell rings, a new angel has received his wings. \nBIRD\n A bird in the house is a sign of a death. \n  If a robin flies into a room through a window, death will shortly follow. \nBIRTH\n Monday's child is fair of face; \nTuesday's child is full of grace; \nWednesday's child is full of woe; \nThursday's child has far to go; \nFriday's child is loving and giving; \nSaturday's child works hard for a living. \nBut the child that is born on the Sabbath day \nis fair and wise, good and gay. \nBIRTHDAY CAKE\n If you blow out all the candles on your birthday cake with the first puff you will get your wish. \nBLARNEY STONE\n The Blarney Stone is a stone set in the wall of the Blarney Castle tower in the Irish village of Blarney. Kissing the stone is supposed to bring the kisser the gift of persuasive eloquence (blarney.) \nBLUE\n To protect yourself from witches, wear a blue bead. \n  Touch blue \nAnd your wish \nWill come true. \nBREAD\n Before slicing a new loaf of bread, make the sign of the cross on it.  \n  A loaf of bread should never be turned upside down after a slice has been cut from it. \nBRIDE Bridal & wedding superstitions \nBRIDGE\n If you say good-bye to a friend on a bridge, you will never see each other again. \nBROOM\n Do not lean a broom against a bed. The evil spirits in the broom will cast a spell on the bed. \n  If you sweep trash out the door after dark, it will bring a stranger to visit. \n  If someone is sweeping the floor and sweeps over your feet, you'll never get married. \n  Never take a broom along when you move. Throw it out and buy a new one. \n  To prevent an unwelcome guest from returning, sweep out the room they stayed in immediately after they leave. \nBUTTERFLY\n If the first butterfly you see in the year is white, you will have good luck all year. \n  Three butterflies together mean good luck. \nCANDLE\n If a candle lighted as part of a ceremony blows out, it is a sign that evil spirits are nearby. \nCALF If the first calf born during the winter is white, the winter will be a bad one.  \nCAT\n If a
175082
TRY THESE..........\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
338670
I love the one that is a poem about the monster under the bed and hobbes saves the day by just being there (cause the monster didn't know there was a tiger in the bed).  Best Line: "Hey wake up you stupid cretin! Are you gonna sleep while I get eaten!?!?!?"  I'll check my collection books and see if I can find page number for the rest of ya.
910889
OMG this joke is one of my favorites!!! Got any more?
192531
a five line poem\ngoogle is your friend
724740
LUCKY\n\nA four leaf clover\nA bird pooing on you\n7 of anything coming at once\nLucky horseshoe\nA naked woman at the helm of a ship\nYour clothes being caught on a bush\nA new moon\nSneezing 3 times before breakfast\nYour hair being cut during a storm\nSleeping on unironed sheets\nCarrying an acorn in your pocket\nWhistleing in the dark\nFinding a penny and picking it up\nA ladybird\nA bluebird\nCarrying a rabbit's foot.\nCrickets chirping\nPutting on your clothes inside out\nPicking up a pin\nSeeing Bats flying overhead at nightfall\nWalking in the rain\n\nUNLUCKY\n\nA black cat crossing your path\nSpilling salt\nBreaking a mirror\nA horse sweating\nWalking under ladders\nDropping a knife and picking it up\nGiving an empty purse\nMilk curdling\nPutting a hat on the bed\nTaking off your wedding ring\nSeeing an owl during the day\nOpening an umbrella indoors\nKilling a seagull\nBread not rising\nKilling a cricket\nPutting your left foot on the floor first up when you get out of bed\nPutting shoes on a table\n\nI was born on Friday 13th so I don't class that as an unlucky day for me. I do however follow some of the above and try to counteract them if I can. If I drop and knife or a glove in my house. I always leave it on the floor and ask somebody else to pick it up for me. The same with spilling salt. If I do I throw some over my shoulder.\n\nAll of them are old wives tales that have travelled through the centuries from the days of when they used to burn people as witches. These omens of good and bad luck have stayed with us and have been passed from generation to generation. They have never died out. It makes you wonder if there is some truth in them after all.
465357
Did you want that in 25 words or less? \n\nMaybe you should go to the library and check out a book.
200882
TRY THESE...\n\n1\n\nA bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"\n\n\n\nSoon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"\n\n\n\nFinally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"\n\n\n\nThe bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautiful child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"\n\n\n\nThe blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2 - 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"\n\n\n2\n\nA blonde was driving down the motorway when her mobile phone rang .It was her\nhusband, urgently warning her: "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's\na car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!" "It's not just one\ncar!" said the blonde, "There's f***ing hundreds of them!"\n\n\n3\n\nA blond gets tired of it all and dyes her hair. She's now a brunette and feels *much* smarter. Everyone tells her she's smarter. So she goes for a drive in the country one day and stops in a lane which is blocked by a herd of sheep. She gets out, talks to the farmer and says, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"\n\n\n\nHe looks perplexed but says, "Sure."\n\n\n\nSo she says, " Uh....157?"\n\n\n\nHe says, "My God, that's correct. Take a sheep. "\n\n\n\nSo she wanders among the herd. She likes this one and that one and finally is very attracted to one that wags its tail and likes her. She picks it up and puts in it the car.\n\n\n\nThe farmer says, "Can I make a deal with you?"\n\n\n\n"Sure, " says she.\n\n\n\nHe says, "If I can guess what color your hair really is,\n\ncan I have my dog back?"\n\n\n4\n\nA man entered the bus, with his pockets full of golf balls and sat down next\nto a blond. The blond kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging\npockets.\n\nFinally, after many such glances from her he said, "It's golf balls."\n\nThe blond continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked, "Does it\nhurt as much as tennis elbow?"\n\n\n5\n\nA blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. \n\nShe decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut." The hairdresser checks her out and says, "OK, sit down and take off your headphones." "No way!" shouts the blonde, "If I take off my headphones, I'll die!" "Then I can't give you a haircut," replies the hairdresser. \n\nSo the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. She sees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, "I need a haircut... but you can't take off my headphones or I'll die!"
1081740
Here's a few I found and there sites:\n"Gazing at the ubiquitous testing kit, I grabbed my pump and was very grateful for my access to such jazzy technological fixtures."\n"I would coax the cat to just come inside but she'd rather venture out and pounce the flock of squabbling, fuzzy bees."\nhttp://sixuntilme.com/blog1/2006/06/the_panagram_challenge.html\n\nHow razorback-jumping frogs can level six piqued gymnasts!  \nCrazy Fredericka bought many very exquisite opal jewels. \nSixty zippers were quickly picked from the woven jute bag. \nJohn Prady, give me a black walnut box of quite small size. \nSix big devils from Japan quickly forgot how to waltz.  \nMy girl wove six dozen plaid jackets before she quit.   \nCozy lummox gives smart squid who asks for job pen. \nAdjusting quiver and bow, Zompyc killed the fox.\nMy faxed joke won a pager in the cable TV quiz show.  \nThe quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. \nThe quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. \nThe jay, pig, fox, zebra and my wolves quack! \nPack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. \nFew quips galvanized the mock jury box. \nJackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.  \nThe five boxing wizards jump quickly. \nHow quickly daft jumping zebras vex.  \nTwo driven jocks help fax my big quiz.  \nBright vixens jump; dozy fowl quack. \nQuick wafting zephyrs vex bold Jim.  \nQuick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim.  \nSphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.  \nWaltz, bad nymph, for quick jigs vex.  \nBrick quiz whangs jumpy veldt fox. \nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panagram
1073537
Jokes:\nAs seen in a dog's diary:\n\n7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!\n8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!\n9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!\nNoon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!\n2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!\n3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!\n4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!\n6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!\n7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!\n8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!\n9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!\n11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!\n \n\nAs seen in a cat's diary:\n\nDay 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.\n\nI am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \nA pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.\n\n(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)\n\nA cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)\n\n(I'm still not over the pig.)\n\nThe male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.\n\n("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!") \n\nThe flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.\n\n(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)\n\nSome lions mate over 50 times a day.\n\n(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)\n\nHumans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.\n\n(What about that pig??)\n---------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nStories:\nAn old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.\nThe man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.\nLater, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."\nThey then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.\nNow they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.\nThe boy and man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the anima
730812
3661 words...\n\nwill post them all if you want.
745593
20 May Not Cut It Pick Up Lines\n\n1)That dress looks good on you, as a matter of fact; so would I.\n\n2)(Female at the copy machine) reproducing, eh? Mind if I help?\n\n3)You know I never was too good at Maths; Like if I put you and I together, would I possibly get 69?\n\n4)If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?\n\n5)You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they would be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.\n\n6)Hey, here’s the word of the day: LEGS. Whatya say we go upstairs and spread the word.\n\n7)If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me …Please???\n\n8)Why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.\n\n9)You know I gave you a piece of my mind, but I’ve got more of something else.\n\n10)Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow? Should I nudge you or call you?\n\n11)Ask a girl if she likes jewellery. Then grad your nuts and say, then suck this, it’s a gem!\n\n12)Were you father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?\n\n13)Hey baby, wanna play lion? Ok. You kneel right there and I’ll throw you my meat.\n\n14)I’ve got the ship; you’ve got the harbor…. What say we tie up for the night?\n\n15)My name is ______. Just remember that, so you’ll know what to scream later.\n\n16)Hey baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?\n\n17)I’m on fire baby; can I run through your sprinkler?\n\n18)He:   I hear you like to sing. Her: Yeah…You (whip out your Pud) well, then step up to the mike!\n\n19)Baby I’m no Flintstone, but I can make you bedrock!\n\n20)Motion your finger to a girl to come over to you, when she gets there say, I just made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with TWO!
745319
Try...\n\n www.jokes.com\n \n               Hope that this helps!!!
926454
1. Fool in Love\n\n2. Love makes you Stupid\n\n3. Walk away! \n\n4. Fool To the Rescue\n\n5. Poison Arrow\n\n6. Idiots are born every Day\n\nThe book cover could display each girl grabbing the guys arms and pulling him apart.\n\nOr a picture of him sitting behind bars, head in hands, devestated.\n\nAnd my last suggestion (drum roll please)…if you are a bad drawer, then make the cover simple.\nUse a black background, and white stick figures.\n\nHave the guy in the middle, holding hands with each girl. Put skirts on them, so the reader can tell there's a difference.  Sometimes keeping it simple is more!\n\nGood luck.
33458
"blasted you vile woman."\n\n"i don't want to go to my room, there is a evil monkey there." \n\n"Hey tom is just a fat kid. you fatty fat fat."\n\nYou shall rue the day you mess with my, well start rueing."\n\n"ohh, shhh, ohh, shhh, ohh, shhh".\n\n"all right gigly gigly."\n\n"holy crip it's a crapple."\n\n"Peanut butter jelly time."\n\n"louise I want to make you beauitful."\n\n"i'm a tumor, I'm tumor, I'm a tumor"\n\n"good for you honey"\n\n"I get ice popice in my pants if you want it."\n\n"You starting to piss me off you pigy SOB, call me."\n\n"nothing happen we took a vaction...we were invented ask poland".\n\n"smite them, smite he's cooking something up for you".\n\n"eat the pinecone....if you love louise you eat it."\n\n"left foot right foot left foot right foot."\n\n"victory is mine."\n\nHe is a FAMILY GUY
618867
Try some of these sites. Good Luck and Have Fun!\n\nwww.short-stories.co.uk/\n\nwww.americanliterature.com/SS/SSINDX.HTML\n\nwww.classicreader.com/toc.php/sid.6/ \n\nwww.talesetc.com/ \n\nwww.storybytes.com/\n\nI hope this helps. :-)