Single Parent, just back from Iraq, my 10 year old daughter is out of control. REFUSES to listen, yells at me?
488261
Well, you're already doing the right thing - trying your best to support your kids. You really just need to make sure they know that you're looking out for them and that you're interested in them and want to pay attention to them. 9 times out of 10 when a child is acting up, they miss the attention they used to get. She'll settle down as you warm up to her. Daughters love their mother, you just got to remind her as much that the mother also loves and cherishes the daughter. Just be sure not to spoil her or it will reinforce the behaviour.\n\nNote: some people are talking about therapists. Don't listen to them. That makes the child feel like they're getting special attention, and when they find out why, they'll reproduce the effect that got them in front of the doc.
736932
Sounds to me as if she is the one losing control. Throwing things..??....like a 2 year old temper fit....commit her to a mental ward, call the cops, do whatever to make her grow up but darn sure don't go to jail over someone resorting to foolish infantile antics. I detest men who hit women but I don't know how men put up with some of these awful controlling dictator wives, sounds like her parents should have beat her or done something, you aren't dealing with a civilized adult.
552712
Ground her. Tough love. Don't sneek. She is your daughter, take a stand.
912438
I  think  you  already know what you  have to do.     In  the  first place  how  do you know -besides  what she has told you -  that  her husband was abusive?      One  way or other, it is  absolutely clear to anybody with half a brain  the woman is using you ...   and  using  her  own  children as a   weapon  against you  if you  try to  stand up for yourself.    Well,   the ONLY  thing  possible  for you to do..  unless you want  to   stand there meekly  and let her destroy what should be the peace and  tranquility  of your and your husband's  lives -  is  take a  stand  and Tell  this selfish, self-centered, self-serving piece of  garbage  whom you so unfortunately  have as a daughter,  that  you have already done all -  and in fact  more -  than you have  the means to do..   She is;pulling one of the oldest  games in the book  with those who feel obliged to fall over backwards for her  because of blood relationship   .....emotional blackmail.... and you have  allowed yourselves to  fall for it hook, line, and sinker.    Enough  already.    You  can't   "save the world"  and   those are  HER children,  so you  cannot  be held  responsible for  them  either.      You  have  already allowed this outrageous situation  to go on  waaaaay  too long,  and the  very behaviour that you have  described,  defines her   exactly for what  she  really is....  a  mean,  selfish, ungrateful,  freeloading opportunist  who needs  to be made to  hit the road  before  she  succeeds in  ruining   your  and your husband's  lives,  and  your health.
166668
I answered a question very similar to this a few days ago .... I've put part of that answer here as well ....\n\nThe first step is to talk to her (calmly) and to her teacher to see if you can figure out what is going on.  You may need to get her to talk to the school guidance counselor if her school has one.  You can't begin to fix this until you know the reason for the change, and you probably can't fix it without involving other people.\n\nObviously something has changed somewhere with your daughter's life. Children don't suddenly change drastically in their behavior and in their approach to school. Neither do children suddenly become "lazy". We need only watch kids playing or doing stuff they like to do to realize they are not lazy. \n\nSome things you might check out are whether she is being bullied at school, for example. Is she happy at school? How does she get along with her teacher? Her classmates? Has she changed schools? Has there been a change in her life at home? A separation? A new baby? Is she hanging out with a new group of friends who don't care about good grades?  In order to address this problem, you need to find the cause of it. \n\nAnother area to think about is that there is often quite a jump academically from one grade to the next, especially into high school.  Kids are expected to be much more mature in their apporach to school and learning in general as they get into high school.  She may be having a difficult time adapting to that change and to the different expectations.\n\nShe is 13 - so hormones may be beginning to take over.  Pay close attention to what she does when she is using the computer.  How much tme is she spending on line, using the telephone, watching TV, video games, etc.?  Is she getting enough rest?  Does she seem tired or disinterested?  Has there been a change in other behavior, as well as in her grades?   Has she been losing weight?  YOu need to know all this to figure out exactly what might be going on.\n\nMy gut reaction is that there is something going on that you don't know about ... what you have described is not typical, and you should get to the bottom of it and find the cause. Yes, sometimes teenagers rebel by doing things that can cause a lot of aggravation for parents, but this change in your daughter seems rather drastic. \n\nI hope some of my thoughts have helped you.  Good luck.
296371
i have been there and done that! first children will test you to see what they can get away with, do not let her do this! spend special time with only her, just have a daddy -daughter day, then tell her that mommy needs that kind of special time too, tell her there are things mom and dad talk about that she would not understand and that she is not to behave like this.when talking try and include her as much as you can, but you need to let her see you will not except this, she should grow out of it soon, but she  needs to know mom is not her equal, and that you love them diffrently, GOOD LUCK
138991
Well, I just left the guy that I was with.  At first I had a really hard time dealing with him.  He made my life miserable and he f'd up a lot of opportunities that I had.  I hated him so much, but I practiced a lot of restraint and didn't let my anger take over the situation because we had a child together.\nIt sucks that she is being so hateful toward you, especially since you have a child together and you'll always have to deal with each other.\nI do not know what happened between the two of you, but here is what I would suggest if you really want to help things smooth out between the two of you so that you can sucessfully co-parent together.  I would say:\nI am sorry for the things that happened between us, that things did not work out, and I respect that you have hard feelings and that you are angry with me.  I want to give you the space that you need to work through this and I will be willing to talk if you need to.\n\nThen from there, you really have to be willing to hear her out and don't interupt her when she tells you how she feels about you or what happened, don't try to justify anything, just let her vent.  It will help her to move on.  You guys are obviously not going to be friends anytime soon, but that's not the point, just make sure there is ample opportunity to discuss anything child related and leave it at that\n\nMost likely she is so mean because she is hurt that the relationship is ended. She resents you and with time it will hopefully get better, but unfortunatly there are women out there who never let it go and the best thing to do is to let them think they are right.  Remember, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...\nJust be the best father you could be, your kid is all that really counts anymore.\nDon't let her drag you into arguements about anything because if things get nasty, anything you say could later be brought up against your nature if you go to court over custody.\nBe the better person.
1084603
I think he is a piece of crap and you daughter has gotten herself into a bad situation.  Unfortunately she is old enough that she can make her own dumb decisions, but things like that make me wish I had a bag of common sense that I could use to beat the crap out of people who do dumb things.
204971
My youngest child is 11. She has severe separation anxiety. She has gradually gotten better, but is still not at the point in which she will spend the night with friends or anything like that. Her father and I divorced 3 years ago, and that caused a MAJOR set-back for her to the point where she will only spend the night with him occasionally. She just wants to be at home. This actually is a medical/mental condition with no easy resolution. All I can tell you is that it takes time and more time. Try to keep your child involved in peer activities because that always helps. The more you can get your child to be independent instead of dependent on you, the better he/she will be. Join play groups or things like that; that are age appropriate. It is not easy for a parent with a child like this, but I promise it will get better. We will survive, with God's help. Take care and good luck.
518906
This is unacceptable behavior and this girl needs three things: Love, discipline, and professional help! Her mom seems very unstable and that was passed on to her daughter but it is not too late. I say you seek professional help and see what you should do. She should not be acting like this, she is very disturbed and needs attention! If not, you will probably have a 7 year old step daughter turned 15 year old pregnant drop out!\nAnd I suggest you do this before you have the baby because she may take out her rage on your newborn child!
1027195
WOW!!!  Well, the sad thing about the son is that at 24, he's already been affected by her craziness.  Children begin getting affected by these neuroic behaviors at around age 2!!!  The fact that he still lives at home suggests she's been very controlling and he just doesn't have the confidence to move out and be on his own.  First and foremost, get him to move out ASAP.  He needs to see what life is like with normal, healthy people.\n\nCan you have her commited?  You should but you can't.  Unless she's harming people physically.\n\nThis is very frustrating though , I sympathize with you.   I would not answer  your phone anytime the caller ID doesn't come out,  If they want to talk to you, they'll leave a message.  Just do this for a while and she will get tired of getting your VM, she'll get sick of calling.  She is obviously beyond desparate for attention.  \n\nWow, I'm curioius as to what your parents are like and how you ended up with such a loony toone for a sister!!!!! You seem very grounded~
922367
Sounds like you're doing all you can. Taking away her things is a good punishment, and not letting her use the phone or watch t.v. or use the computer. There's plenty you can do as punishment that aren't abuse it's called discipline. Just make sure her mom and her dad are on board to back you up. It won't take long for her to realize she's not going to win this one and start behaving, for the most part. \nGood luck.
824942
IF only there were more guys out there like you.  Most guys would just pick their own kid up and leave.  You did the right and the honorable thing.  Her husband is ticked off because he can not be the man and take care of what he needs too.  He is mad also because he knows what you did is the right thing and he can not admit to it.  Your child should not be in a home without heat and food.  Talk to your ex about this...and make it clear it will not happen again.  If you must, get the authorities involved.  Children should not suffer because their lame dad wants to spend all the money on stupid stuff.
356512
Talk to your wife! Tell her the situation without getting upset with her. She loves her daughter and knows that her daughter is out of control but who will take care of that child her daughter had? Maybe she feels it is safer for the grand baby to be with the two of you and not left all alone some where. It does seem too much for someone of 23 to act with such disrespect and she seems childish in a way. Set rules with her and tell her it is your home and not to bring strangers into your home again! If u set boundaries and that doesn't work then i would make her leave your home instead of ruining your marriage! I would only leave your wife if she wouldn't respect your wishes for things to change and put her foot down as well. Good luck!
587740
i think your parents did right in not treating her, since she is their daughter, they would have a hard time making rational decisions concerning her care, there is too much emotion involved and that could compromise their abilities to help her.
558777
You have been probably too lenient and do not always do what you say you will do to punish her when she is naughty.  That is my guess...At 11, children are beginning to test more and more boundaries with adults.  As her mother, if you are weak, she will learn that quickly and use it to HER advantage.  If you keep letting her be that way, she will continue to get worse.  Basically, she has no respect for you, more than likely.  You have to be make her REALIZE that YOU have the AUTHORITY...the upper hand.  She's a child, she does NOT know more than you, but if you keep letting her think so, she will keep walking all over you.  Before long, you will have NO control and MORE problems.  \nI suggest speaking to a therapist or counselor.  You can get counseling anywhere for free if you can not pay.  Ask you local  social services dept, a school representative, your doctor, someone at a church, the phone book has blue colored pages called "The Blue Pages" or "Government Pages" where you will find this kind of information.  Any one of these places, in your city or town or village, or county, can get you the help you need.\nGood luck...bad kids are not born, they are made.
708862
if she doesnt listen to you talk, get help from her parents. trust me, she will thank you later.