Why is my husband so critical of me? There are many days when I think he doesn't even really like me.?
492028
Perhaps he's too much of a coward to break up, so he's trying to push you away. I used to do crap like that when I was young. It was immature and stupid. I did eventually get over it, but it took years. \n\nMy wife also got a 4.0. Now she's a Ph.D. Chemical Engineer doing her post-doc work. I stay home with the kids and do 95% of the housework. I support her 100 percent, but it wasn't always like this... we went through some hard times, and stuck it out to get here.\n\nSo if you can weather the storm, the waters are very nice later. If you have to bail out, remember, you'll have the same storms next time, so batten down the hatches!!!
422707
I am also a "passive" person, but not quite to the extent your husband is.  Have you ever considered the fact that your husband grew up in chaos, and didn't have a male figure around for him to learn from?  Don't know his background, but his "symptoms" sound a lot like the way I grew up.  If it seems he "likes" chaos it could be because he doesn't know how to resolve chaos.  And as far as him "blaming you", have you ever considered that he is feeling pretty crappy cause you can handle things better than him? If you truly love him, be kind and patient and understanding.  Help him learn that you can "fix" chaos.  If you feel like he can walk away from the marriage without ever turning back, have you ever considered that that exact thing may have happened to him?  Try turning it around and not being so dominant yourself.  Turn to him and let him know you value his ideas, thoughts and decisions, and you NEED him in everyday life and decisions. If he makes a "wrong decision" but it isn't hurtful, life threatening, or irreversible, go with the flow and let him learn from mistakes, knowing you will stand behind him no matter what.
276854
As much as you seem to love this man I think you deserve a hell of alot better!  This man does not respect you as a wife or as a person.  He takes your feelings and stomps all over them.  He is being totally immature and sounds like a totally controlling man.  YOU deserve a man who is going to love you,respect your feelings, and wont run out like a spoiled child when u have a disagreement!  Temper Tantrums r for 3 year olds not grown men.  And the fact that he didnt even want to save the marriage and go to counseling says volumes about the kind of man he really is.  LET HIM GO!  Find a real man!  Life is way too short to be spending it in a loveless marriage.  I met my hubby in 10th grade in highschool and we have now been married 22 years!  My husband would never dream of treating me like this!  Cuz he knows Id kick his butt!  smile!  Get rid of him, let him run, let him take the cowards way out.  YOU told him u would file for divorce if he left again- and he left.  THAT alone says he doesnt care about the marriage.  I feel so badly for you, I know this has to be hurting you terribly and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for u but unfortunately I cant.  But I do believe in you.  You r a strong woman.  YOU can do this and you will find a man who will truly love you I PROMISE!  Lose this guy and get yourself a real man!  Good luck to u
1181400
That may be his sense of humor.  Something he thinks he is expected to do around "the guys".  There is a stigma around marriage that it should be miserable.  Your hubby may be one of those who wants to fit in so he subscribes to the stereotypes people hold of him and his life.  (I could be wrong)\n\nIn private I would tell him that what he said really bothered you.  Ask him if he really feels that way or if he was just trying to be funny.  Inform (gently not confrontationaly) that it wasn't funny and jokes as such really hurt you, especially around other people.  If he really feels that way it may be time for some marriage counseling.
807034
Sounds like you both are trying to work through this. Unfortunately sometimes arguments do occur, the only thing is when the dusts settles what then? I believe that by him not telling you right away that this or that was not exactly what he expected seems he is trying to be tolerant. Where he is trying maybe not to impose on you all the time what he think or how he thinks things should be. But if he bottles it up and then waits to explode letting you have it all at once, you are right he really should tell you then and there. Not bottle it up and make him resent or get so angry.  He has to realize you fess up to things you tell him "Oh I had no idea I was coming across that way" so he has to know you are not intentionally doing things to  irritate him. Keep talking, keep telling him to tell you.  Tell him "Hey let post this or that and have people who don't know you and don't know me, tell us what they think is going on. People who have nothing to gain"  People who do this just because we've all been there and think Hey maybe someone else can benefit from past mistakes.   Good Luck to you and him I really hope it works out for you two.
981220
It's because you're acting mindless, he gives you less credit than you deserve, be objective and challenge him sometimes.  That'll throw him off.\nA.L.
655066
The scorn that 'The Pilot' has just poured out on you in unjustified.  Your husband made marriage vows, you have needs, if he were in your shoes he would probably have done something about the situation long ago.  I think you need to take a complete break from routine, say go to a hotel, order in dinner, and talk to each other.  Remind him of the times he chased you around, tell him how lonely you are, how hurt you feel, how you need more than the nothing you are being given.  With his health problems, I'd be bothering my wife as if every day were my last!\nYou deserve to be loved, more than the love for a piece of furniture, which is all he is showing you.  He loves having you around, wouldn't know what to do without you, etc.  It's very difficult to think of leaving someone you have so much history with, and who is in poor health, but DON'T let guilt keep you unfulfilled.\nTALK!
1128883
A lot has to do with your own self-esteem (how do you feel about yourself and what will you allow another person to do to you). You've been married to him for 10 yrs so something has kept you staying with him for so long (maybe love and/or kids or he's a good provider)....however sometimes people do grow apart and it's time to make a new beginning for yourself even if he's been apologizing after physically and emotionally abusing you --- you see, his inappropriate actions tell you all that you need to know...there truly is someone else out there who'll treat you better --- so improve your looks and attitude and go find him.
152126
There is nothing wrong or missing from you. You need to talk to him and make it extremely clear that you don't like that behavior. If he refuses (or just doesn't) change then look into couples counselling.
861288
well a hard question, but if you have tried everything and talked to your husband about how you feel and he wont change then its time to end it.\nbe careful the fact that he digrades you and belittles you publicly is often the early signs of an abusive man. he is on a power trip and whats you to feel bad about yourself and make you think everything that happens to go wrong is your fault. once he gets you comfortablw with the he may get physically abusive to you. or else he may threaten to or actually harm your children. \nbe careful and make a plan for your exit. once you make up your mind you need to follow through and leave and don't ever look back\nif you want to talk to someone you can email me. ive been there and im out now.
445324
He's probibly just feeling very insecure and wants to make sure that you know that he values your opinion. \nIt may seem annoying, but it'd be even more annoying if he just went off and did something and you had no idea where he was, or you had something planned.\nAt least he's keeping you in mind when he's going to do something, instead of not.
832716
he will never know the true u, he has a preconcieved idea of who he thinks u are, based on his own belief system, and his thinking. life is way to short to put up with a man who treats u as he does. sounds almost as if he don't really want to be there that maybe he would rather be somewhere else. he doesn't value you, if he did he would treat you better. if u have spoken to him and told him how u feel and still he continues to treat you like this, maybe it's time to get out of the marriage, and quit kidding yourself. when we get hurt it takes awhile to forgive and get over a trust issue, one can't just go back as they were. maybe it's time to make some changes for yourself, and decide if your really happy in this relationship. sounds as if you depend on him financially and need to stay for that reason, but that's never a good reason to stay with an angry hurtful person. sounds as if he hates himself, and maybe he has someone else in his life.
318691
mmmmmmm A man who will not get a job and work to support his family or himself is saying alot about himself and his character!  And on top of it he feels he is too damn good to help around the house which is an even bigger crock of crap!  My hubby and I have been together 22 years and has worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week for the last 10 years in a row!  On weekends he helps with laundry- does dishes every Sunday just so I can have a day off.  If I ask for his help- he jumps right in with no hesitation!  This so called man of yours- well not a man!  Your feelings are correct!  Give him the boot big time!  You deserve sooo much better than that!  You deserve a man who is going to love you and respect your feelings and needs as a woman!  Life is too short to waste on this loser!  There r alot of men out there looking for great women!  and u deserve to have one of them!  Good luck to you!
201462
Not good.  First, he is taking you for granted.  He sees no consequences for his actions and treats you like the dog that gets kicked for no good reason.  He may have frustrations, but has failed to learn or remember who really cares for him above all others.  This is a sign of emotional immaturity.  He needs a wake up call and needs to grow up.  How would he feel if the shoe where on the other foot?  He probably wouldn't stand for it, so why should you?  Don't.  The next time he pulls this crap, I suggest you react in a calm, yet defiant manner by explaining that you care for him, while he seems to have forgotten what a healthy supportive relationship is.  If he wants someone to take out his anger on, then he's got the wrong woman.  End of story, so no more of this behavior against me...no hard feelings.
208562
To be treated like a child is definitely not fair!  The typical first response is to confront him and to retaliate, that is pretty much what everybody else has said here.  However, rather than creating conflict, I would try a more discrete tactic.  First of all, thank him for the notes, he will be dumbfounded, and you will definitely get his attention, but there won't be a conflict.  Secondly, try do more that what he writes down on the list, that will definitely impress him, and make him question the necessity of the notes.  If you can't think of any additional things to do beyond his list, then call him up and tell him that you are done with the list, and if there is anything else that he could think of that needs to be done, if you can't call him, then ask him when he gets back home!  Basically this will show him that you are proactive, and want to have things done just as much as he does, and even more by doing additional things or asking him for additional things.  I realize that I am not giving you an easy answer but in real life there is no easy answers, and no easy people to deal with.  Life is hard, and it's a struggle.  And unfortunately marriages have to be built, and rebuilt, and worked on being improved and enjoyable!  The good thing that your husband has going for him, is that the has you for his wife, he is very fortunate indeed!  Hope this helps!
358227
Cauese you have your own opinions and would like for them to count for something. If your going to stay married to him you will have to learn to agree to disagree. He sounds like a selfish person who will not allow someone else to have what they believe to be right...C
1019504
I think you and hubby need to have an open, honest heart to heart. When he complains about your "cool" behavior tell him, it's easier for you to be more attentive and affectionate when he is treating you with the same loving care. It is possible that he has some under lying problems that he needs to talk about, there may be some changes that he is looking for in the relationship....Just go to him and listen with an open mind. Find out what both of you are missing from the relationship, and make good effort to be sure to do those things...spend some one on one time with each other, doing things you both enjoy, maybe even discover a new hobby together....enjoy loving each other again. We all hit rough patches in our marriages, we just have to work through them.\nGood Luck....you can email me if you need someone to talk to .\n\n\n**** wanted to add after seeing all the cheating answers that yes, they might be a possibility, but I think there would be other signs if that were going on....and This type of behavior doesn't always equal cheating!! Like I said he might just want a little change in the relatioship, or have other problems he needs to work out or talk about.  **** DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS that could make matters worse, but keep your eyes open. ****