Why do gay men and women sometimes date same sex partners who act like opposite sex? i.e. butch v. queens...?
493166
Femininity and masculinity come with different angles. It is actually the aspects of feminity and masculinity, not sloely the presence of either that makes the attractiveness of a person. Actually these labels are TOO comprehensive and are not person-centered. If one really thinks about it, a drag queen can be a total butch queen they are not painted. I have met a few who are. Also, a guy who likes "guy things" can have some truly "girly" features. In essence there are many hybrids in the gay community just as there are queens and butch men. So, I have to speak from the level that it truly the balance of two people that makes it work and not the ambiguities of external qualties. In our community, they can be overly portayed and very misleading. Therefore its the deeper balance of internal virtues that makes you TRULY appreciate a person, however you must look past what I call "acute attraction" to see them. As always, it takes effort. Yet what i understand is there is a dimmension of experience, needs, emotional wavelengths (as well as change) that makes gay men and lesbian women WHO THEY ARE. These things fit into their "eyes of atraction". What they need is very much different, because as people they ARE different than opposite-sex partners. Although I can find a woman atttactive, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I can NEVER have the kind of relationship with a woman beyond being a friend, as I do not like to take leadership and would rather be told what I should do. Therefore, for that very reason, I chose a realtionship with an older man who is 25 years my senior and it has proven to work. We have been togther for almost 2 years now. Where I am physically atracted to guys in thier 20s, for the very same reasons, a realtionship with another guy my age would also likley not work for me. Would an older woman guide me like he has while allowing me to help him? I cant say for sure no, but I can almost suspect that the balance would just not be there. It is so much more than whats in the underwear, so much very much more.
232858
this is what gets me woundering about gay/ lesbians...if a guy is gay he says he dont like woman....but he dresses and tries to look like a woman....then there are lesbians says i cant stand men but the get the short hair cuts and dress like a man work out like a man and try to be like a man...so if someone dont like the oposite sex why do they try so hard to be just like them.... i do agree with you its just nasty.....my comment on the subject,,,
1062000
Different things work for different people.\n\nFind one that works for you and go for it.  Adjust accordingly as required, but make sure it is on your own terms.\n\nLike me, I prefer my Man to not be girlier than I am.  That is not what I signed up for.  I personally like Gay men who can command attention, butchiness a plus.\n\nI am pretty sure that Gay men also gravitate to the other side of the equation which is they prefer Girlier acting men than they are.    Otherwise all the drag queens n Palm Springs will be sigle.\n\nAll I am saying is, it is all about how you feel about the other guy.  Is it Love?  Then who cares what the F the other people think.
756163
Yes, the one with the most testosterone seems to parallel the male role. And the other one parallels the female role. That is often why highly charged career minded women (feminists)  don't actually represent the more traditional female, particularly well. The more traditionally minded women probably behaves toward them as though they were a man. No choice really. Another thing I have noticed, is that some lesbians seem to  have an intense dislike of men, whereas, gay men, generally do not dislike women as people. Male transverstites, however, are a different kettle of fish. I think that their whole personna is designed to mock women, and it is difficult for women to deal with them because they present themselves as women.
681005
You are confusing transgenderism (genfer disphoria) with homosexuality. Most gay men do not feel like women inside and most lesbians do not feel like men inside. Gay men and lesbian women are simply attracted to the same gender.\n\nTrue, some gay men act effeminate and some lesbians act masculine, but that is not the rule. I suspect it to be a learned behavior, or a mode of dealing with the world that feels comfortable to the individual.\n\nTransgenderism is the feeling that your external gender does not match how you feel internally.
1076994
I have NEVER understood this one myself Tom. It is rather puzzling. ESPECIALLY the lesbians who swear they HATE men. Then why they bed masculine , manly butch type women?! I think its because at heart, this butch is still a woman. WHether she wears mens clothes, shortens her name to a more gender neutral one or even wears a strap FULL TIME. This WOMAN still has the sensitivity of a woman, the mentality indicative of femininity and still goes through the "womanly" (monthly) things that all Feminine women do.\n\nthey accept them for who they are in their outward apperance because of who they are on the inside! we should all be so lucky as to adapt this way of thinking, huh?\n\nRemember, when we are in our comfort zones, where ever and with WHOM ever that may be, we are our most vulnerable selves. Regardless of the many masks we must wear outside, day 2 day!
1004169
I think it is partly the fact that the wome feel safe with them.  Thay know that the gay guy is not mentally undressing her as they talk.  Aslo there is a bit a a common ground they share (at least the straight girls and gay guys).  They can talk about the other guys they like.
841813
I asked a similar question a couple months ago, because my wife is somewhat butch and constantly gets approached by men.  It does seem to happen a lot!  I think it's a combination of challenge, the woman being naturally attractive, men wanting a woman they can relate to as a friend, and men just having more interesting and varied tastes than they're told to have by the media.\n\nHere's my question and its answers:\n\nhttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlHNZxGSruq3IcPhOzlBSrzsy6IX?qid=20061011084416AAZGDNJ
344901
Love is love. If they fall in love with the same sex then so be it. Besides, its their choice we should have no say in it. They dont make fun of us for being straight, why should we give them hell for being different?
772497
Uhhhh....you said girl, the people with the squishy parts!\n\nI like black GUYS, and enjoy the company of women (of any race) but I only date GUYS\n\nKids today, with their new fangled ideas of what gay means!
48001
I would say if you have feelings for members of the same sex and you want to act on them, or you do act on them then you might be gay. And if you're not at all interested in being with someone of the opposite sex, but only someone of your same sex. It's also possible you could just be confused.
72687
Dear vBoy,\n   Many people who are primarily attracted to members of their own sex have gone through a period of confusion during which they tried to form a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  Perhaps they felt a need to live up to the expectations of others, family, society at large, etc.  But if the attraction is almost exclusively toward the same sex, these people eventually may decide to identify themselves as gays or lesbians.  Sexuality is quite fluid and diverse, however, as Kinsey explained.  For example, in Italy it is quite common to meet handsome young men who have relationships with older men, primarily for financial benefit, but later the young men get jobs and marry and have a family.  Are these men gay?  Straight?  The question is irrelevant.  Sexuality is essentially behaviour.  Even those who have early on identified themselves as gay may at some time have relations with the opposite sex.  It might be situational, or it might be out of pure physical and emotional attraction.  If you desire to know more about such matters, there are many groups who can supply information.  PFlag is a good start.  Look up a local chapter of Parents and Friends of lesbians and gays (PFLag).  I hope my answer has helped.
1059934
I totally dig the butches!!! Butches tend to be very protective of their lady's and want to take care of them. I like that feeling. I could never be attracted to a fem. Would be too  much like making out with my best shopping buddy. I like the masculinity of a butch but the woman in the heart of the butch. HOpe that makes sense!!!
678264
I am a lesbian. I date girls that look like me and the ones that you are describing. I see that you are naive so I will make this as easy as possible for you to understand....no matter what she looks like she still acts like a girl. Even if she walks and talks like a guy once you get in a relationship all the womanly traits come out such as sensitivity..prime example. Lesbians aren't lesbians just because they like the look of other girls. It's more of a connection thing.
429646
i am straight with some lesbian tendencies... i strictly date men, but i do find some women attractive. but i would never have sex with a woman,
270667
First off, I don't want to argue with any one on this subject. I am just stating a long researched out project that has been completed recently. Man and women where not designed to attract one another for simple friendships. Usually,  if someone says they have the opposite sex as a friend, then one of several things has already occurred. They have either already crossed the sex line and decided that they were not meant to be together. Another reason being, one or both is gay, or the man and woman are living  clear across the country and never see one another. Or\nmaybe the man is castrated.  OK, .... I will say, there are those 'few'  exceptions, but not enough for me to allow my husband to be friends with another woman, and he says the same. Examples are always good, so how about, although fictional, but still an example, set com, "Sinfield"...Elaine and Jerry or The "Drew Carey" show. Regardless its just human nature for boys and girls, ending up facing sexual tension between the two.
725656
^^^^ no 10 points for you ><\n\ngirls tend to be drama queens, but then again, some guys tend to be "drama queers"