Does anyone know any good blonde jokes???
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A blond is reading the paper. The headline reads "12 Brazillian citezines killed." She says "Oh my god, How many are in a brazillian"
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How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?\nHe said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.\n\nWhy did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant?\nHe couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.\n\nWhat do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?\nDouble-dumb.\n\nHow can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?\nThe green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.\n\nThree blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is\n sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?\nThe one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!\n\nWhat's the advantage of being married to a blond?\nYou can park in handicapped zones.
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its not too dirty but this one cracked me up\n\n\n\nThe Three Wishes\n\nso a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. the bartender notices how strong and muscular he is but notices his rather small head. so he asks the guy what's up with that. so the guy begins to tell his story,\n\nwell last week when i was taking a walk into the woods i heard someone crying for help near a stream. to my amazement it was a frog. she told me to give her a kiss and i would be granted three wishes. seeing i had nothing to lose i kissed her.all of a sudden she turned into a beautiful naked woman. she goes you now have three wishes.\n\ni looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said. i want a body like arnold swarzenneger. then i suddenly had a body like his but because it was much bigger than my clothes they ripped off and i was standing there naked. she said two more wishes\n\nwell i looked at her beautiful body and said i want to make passionate love to you. so we did that for a couple of hours. then she replied one more wish\n\nand i sead....how about a little head?\n\n\n\nlol
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Q: How do blonde brain cells die ? \nA: Alone. \n\nQ: How do you change a blonde's mind? \nA: Blow in her ear. \n\nQ: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? \nA: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! \n\nQ: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? \nA: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. \n\nQ: How did the blonde die ice fishing? \nA: She was run over by the zamboni machine. \n\nQ: How do you get a blonde to marry you? \nA: Tell her she's pregnant. \n\nQ: How does a blond spell farm? \nA: E-I-E-I-O \n\nQ: How does a blond kill a fish? \nA: She drowns it. \n\nQ: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? \nA: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. \n\nQ: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? \nA: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. \n\nQ: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125? \nA: a foursome. \n\nQ: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? \nA: An air bag. \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? \nA: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. \n\nQ: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? \nA: Trying to hold on to a thought. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? \nA: Because it said 'concentrate'. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? \nA: She wanted to go on a round trip. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? \nA: She thought it was diet coke. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? \nA: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? \nA: The noise gave her a headache. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? \nA: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? \nA: She heard that the drinks were on the house. \n\nQ: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? \nA: They don't know the route. \n\nQ: Why do blondes work seven days a week? \nA: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. \n\nQ: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? \nA: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. \n\nQ: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? \nA: Elvis has been sighted. \n\nQ: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? \nA: Some traffic signs say stop. \n\nQ: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? \nA: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. \n\nQ: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? \nA: She turned it over and used the other side. \n\nQ: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? \nA: Thanks for the refill. \n\nQ: How does a blonde commit suicide? \nA: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. \n\nQ: How do you plant dope? \nA: Bury a blonde. \n\nQ: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? \nA: Wave to her. \n\nQ: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? \nA: With a tire gauge! \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? \nA: Shine a flashlight in their ear. \n\nQ: How do you kill a blonde? \nA: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do blondes pierce their ears? \nA: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do you drown a blond? \nA: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. \n\nQ: How does a blonde high-5? \nA: She smacks herself in the forehead. \n\nQ: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? \nA: Flattered. \n\nQ: What is every blonde's ambition in life? \nA: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. \n\nQ: What can save a dying blonde? \nA: Hair transplants. \n\nQ: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? \nA: Third Grade. \n\nQ: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes? \nA: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans
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A dumb joke, but it made me smile.  Let's be clear that they were peroxide blondes and not natural ones.
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lol, it was a very cheesey joke. . .but i laughed anyway lol, ive had a really bad day >_< i need jokes brign them on!! please??
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I put this one up earlier this week, but here goes:\n\n   The blonde os driving her car down a road going toward a larger city, and she's following a truck.  She then pases the truck and motions for him to pull over.  Both vehicles pull over, and the blode gets out of her car, walks up to the truck & taps on his window.  He rolls it down and she says, "Hi! My name is Becky and I thought I should tell you you're losing some of the load from the back of your truck."  He nods and then pulls away.  Another mile down the road she motions for him to pull over again, and both vehicles pull over again.  She again gets out of the car, goes up to the truck and tells the driver, "Hi!  My name's Becky and you're still losing stuff out of the back of the truck."  He again nods and pulls away.  They're now on the city limits of the city and approach the stop light.  The truck driver passes the car and motions for the blonde to pull over, and both vehicles pull off the road.  The driver gets out of the truck, walks up to the car & motions for the blonde to roll down her window.  She does, and he says, "Hi!  My name's Randy...you're driving in Iowa...and I drive a salt truck."
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i told u my worst moment, but i gotta joke:\n\nOne nite a blonde is driving on a road. She keeps on swerving back and forth. A police officer sees her. he puts his sirens on and she pulls over. the police officer walks up to her window and asks her y she was swerving. she says kindly, but frusturated that she was trying not to hit the trees in the middle of the road. the police officer replies, "those arent trees, that your air freshener"
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A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.\n\n"What's the matter?" he asks.\n\n"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.\n\nNone of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."\n\n"What's the picture of?", he asks.\n\n"It's of a big rooster", she replies.\n\n"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."\n\nWhen he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and says, "Oh, for heavens sake, put the cornflakes back in the box!"
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keep the blonde jokes coming
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I love this joke. I've heard it before, but I always laugh at it. Well, my rating is 2970913583563453921569345562598983407 (10/10 for short) I love blonde jokes, have anymore?
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Funny! :)\nI got it right away, Raveman you must be more of a blonde than I am!
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ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............
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best joke ever????????     GEORGE BUSH
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What has the world come to? People don't seem to make good clean jokes any more (keyword: good)! Sheesh...\n\nHere's one:\n\nA pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. \n\nThe doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." \n\nThe woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" \n\nExpecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" \n\n"Denise," the doctor says. \n\nThe new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" \n\nThen she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" \n\nThe doctor replies, "DeNephew" \n\n:o)
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*Two men walked into a bar and the other man ducked.\n\n*A duck walked into a pet store and asked the guy behind the counter "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it. And the next time I see you in here, I'm gonna nail your beak to the floor."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any nails?"\n"No," the guy said.\n"Good," said the duck, "you got any duck food?"\n\n*One day, a man died and went up to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter asked him "Did you do any good deeds in your life?"\n"Well," said the guy, "I rescued an old lady from a gang of robbers."\n"Hey, that's great!" St. Peter said, "when did you do that?"\n"Oh, about five minutes ago."\n\n*One day, three men were in a cave and they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it, and a genie came out and gave each of them one wish.\n"That's easy," the first guy said, "I'd like to be ten times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly ten times smarter.\n"That's nothin'" the second guy said, "I'd like to be a HUNDRED times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly a hundred times smarter.\n"Nah, I got all you guys beat," the third guy said, "I'd like to be a THOUSAND times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He turned into a woman.\n\nAnd the inevitable dumb blonde joke (NOTE TO ALL BLONDES: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND. I AM MERELY REPEATING A JOKE I HEARD ONCE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE):\n\n*One day, a dumb blonde decided she was sick of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair brown and go for a long drive. She drove out to the countryside, where there were farms; one of these had sheep. She thought to herself "oh, how cute! I want a sheep!" So she went to the farmer and explained her request. \nThe farmer thought for a minute, then said "well, girly, tell you what. I'll let you have one of my sheep if you can guess how old I am."\nThe blonde thought about it for awhile, then finally said "66!"\n"By god, you're right!" The farmer said, astounded. He didn't really expect her to guess it, but since she did, he allowed her to pick out a sheep. So she picked one out and drove off, the sheep in the back. Suddenly, she saw the farmer behind her, chasing her car and waving frantically. She slowed down, and the farmer caught up to her and tapped on the window.\nShe rolled it down, and the farmer said "If I can guess what color your hair really is, then can I have my dog back?"
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not all blonde jokes are about females... \n\nDumb Male Blondes"\n\nThere were two blonde guys working for the city council. One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. \n\nThey worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. \n\nAn onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. \n\nSo he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again." \n\nThe hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, \n"Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees called in sick today.\n\n---------\n\nHow did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?\nHe said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.\n\n----------\n\nWhy did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant?\nHe couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.\n\n------------\n\nWhy did it take the blond a whole week to wash three basement windows?\nIt took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.\n\n-------------\n\nDid you hear about the blond who thought he discovered that\n he had a twin brother?\nHe didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.\n------------\n\nDid you hear about the blond who never learned to waterski?\nHe couldn't find a lake with a slope.\n---------------\n\nWhy did the blond only smell good on the right side?\nHe didn't know where to buy Left Guard!\n\n-----------\n\nWhy couldn't the blond bob for apples?\nHis sister was using the toilet.\n\n-----------------\n\nA blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his\n window seat?\nTell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.\n\n---------------\n\nHow do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?\nTell him a joke on Wednesday. \n\n---------------------\n\nDid you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?\nIt took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.\n\n----------------\n\nWhy did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?\nHe wanted to see what he looked like asleep.\n\n--------\n\nWhy are most blonde jokes one-liners?\nSo men will understand them.\n\nfeel any better about blonde jokes now?