Does psychotherapy really help adult survivors of sexual abuse?
468635
Yes, as a survivor myself I can tell you that it does indeed help, but she has to be ready to admit that she was abused and it's not ok that it was done to her, but it wasn't her fault. Also she needs to be open to the idea that these surrounding issues that she is having may be related. I found that the more I talked about my rape, the less it bothered me to talk about it, and soon after, the nightmares went away, I was able to go out alone again, etc. Time doesn't heal ALL wounds, some wounds need to heal from the inside out, and that takes help, love and support. Thank god for my husband. You are a good man, don't give up on her, she needs you more than ever right now, it may be frustrating at times, but get her into therapy and get yourself into a support group. beg her every day if you have to, just tell her it's because you love her and you WON"T let this ruin your marriage. good luck!!
360330
Group therapy or self-help for DID is generally inadvisable.  This may result in the emergence of more alters.  The best treatment is Psycho-therapudic sessions with the goal of fusing the alters together.
162566
It is very traumatic. Some people react different than others. For instance, I was arm robbed by a guy with a gun, there was a cooworker on the back who never saw the gun. However she is so traumatic that asked for a transfer to another store (even after counseling and a few days off) while I just show up to work the very next day. The brain is hard to understand, but anybody who has been sexual abused should seek help immidiatly, no matter how that person feels.
165318
There is no wrong feelings for someone who has been sexually abused.  You feel the way you do and how you deal with this issue in your life is up to you.  I would recomend though that you look at getting some type of therapy or counseling because the affects of sexual abuse are often not fully realized and will affect future relationships in ways you can't imagine.
1031378
Wow.  I did read your blog and cried for you.  \n\nDon't listen to Meezerz.  It's not that she's bad, she's just misinformed and speaking from her fear.\n\nYour fear is the least likely part of you to tell the truth.  Fear is too biased to know the truth.\n\nI don't think you're nuts at all.  I think you have had that scenario playing in your mind in some form ever since it happened six years ago.\n\nI'm so thankful that you are in therapy and that you are giving the voices in your head a voice in therapy.  There's an odd sort of safety in blaming yourself.  But in the end, it's not as safe as it looks.  It ends up hurting you more.\n\nWhatever control is to be gained by assuming responsibility for something you could not control is not worth the guilt and the shame and the lie you are forced to live.\n\nThough he took the place your first lover should have, he was in no way a lover.  He was a disrespectful, sub-human, bully.  Don't put him and any form of the word love together if you can help it.\n\nIn the future, the man who really loves you, really will love you for the first time.  No matter what this experience took from you, or caused you to do in reaction, when you are free from the baggage this experience has thrust upon you, you will be free to love for the first time.  \n\nYou continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
294036
You seek the help of a counseler that is an expert in abuse cases.
1180932
Given that you were sexually abused it is not surprising you had a sexual relationship with your father.  When sexual abuse happens a person's sense of themselves, esteem, their understanding of healthy boundaries are completely screwed up.  This is why THERAPY is SO important.  You cannot blame yourself for what happened with your father.  Your need to want to do anything to keep him comes as a product of your earlier abuse.  The line between appropriate and inappropriate - and being able to say NO - got lost when it happened to you earlier.  Generally people who go on for years without help will find themselves in positions where they are taken advantage of (and allow that to happen - because they don't realize it at the time) and until you get the help - this will continue to happen.  \n\nShame is a huge piece of this.  Your father is an adult too and he should have known better (if not more) than to have sex with his own daughter.  You cannot blame yourself. It sounds like you need to do a lot of forgiving of yourself.  Please go and get some help - if you don't you will continue to live in this cycle of pain and shame and only you will be to blame.  What happened to you was awful - but you are an adult now and have the means to get the help you couldn't when you were younger.  There are many support groups that are free, and counselling offered - talk to friends - your doctor - look in the phone book and call up different places.  Ask lots of questions. In the meantime you can't change what happened with your father - you made a mistake - but YOU are NOT a mistake.  Stop being hard on yourself.  The past is the past - try and put it there for a while and go and focus on your own healing.  Most of all try and have compassion for yourself.  We all have our scars and things to heal - you are not alone.
229295
I didn't realize then, but I was abused sexually by my ex. I thought there was something wrong with ME.\n\nHe was always groping me whether I wanted to or not, even in front of our children. \n\nOf course there was more things, but whether being abused sexually or physically, I'm glad I'm out of his clutch.
971062
Hello: I would like to make a suggestion. If at all possible please look for a therapist. I'm not suggesting this to be rude. You say that there was a lot of fighting in your life as a child. That is emotional abuse. Yelling, name calling, fighting, screaming matches that is abuse. If you are having flashbacks and repressed memories to me as a survivor of abuse both emotional, and other it seems like there are things that maybe you need unburden your heart with. There seems like there could be a lot of pain to perhaps work out. I have P.T.S.d and flashbacks are something that I deal with  I have anxiety and I have repressed memories. I encourage you to please talk to someone. A pastor, relative, friend, or therapist. Please for if nothing else at all then to help with your blood pressure. I have worked through many problems and still have a long way to go. If it seems like I am reading to much in to this then perhaps I could be. It just sounds like something is troubling your heart.\nGood Luck and I'll keep you in thought and prayer.
369207
most often times when a person is sexually or physically abused a fundamental level of psycological development is missed, not fully cycled through or a person simply stops developing at that point.  Leaving them not only emotionally damaged but psychologically damaged as well.  This damage leads to a damaged idea of self as well as not only an often jaded but confused view of the world around you.  For example if a person is abused when they are preteens then developmentally they can remain there and so when they are older their mind identifies with and is attracted to people of a similar developmental stage, hence preteens... and so on... it is amazingly sad how prevalent sexual abuse is.  I once took a self development class of 88 people and out of the whole room only three had not been sexually abused.  One thing that helped me was to sit and think about and look at the even from an outside point of view and see it for what it was, with out emotion and with out blame.  I came to realize that I knew, there were several points when I knew what was happening was wrong and that it was not what I wanted and that I continued putting myself in the situation out of the desire for affection and the relationship that led to my abuse.  I realized that I had such a hunger to be loved that I was willing to put myself in a bad situation in order to get it and that was where the blame came from, I blamed myself becuase I knew and I allowed it to happen anyway.  Once I was able to sit it for what it was for me, then it was different, but I had to learn, to accept and to move on after that.
567296
Personally living through a lot of messed up situations and abuse on all sorts of levels. I think you have to live it to preach it and know a lot of information to be able to help. A lot of councelling did not help me at all. I saw 9 different shrinks in 3 years and nothing. It took changing everything in my life and a lot soul searching to help myself and now I have a lot more good days then bad. But it took a lot of hard work to get myself here.
380827
Yes, but it took the help of a Dr and many sessions to recover those memories.  \n\nUnderstanding the TRUE definition of "repressed" is needed, I believe.  For repression keeps that which can not be consciously confronted, out of consciousness. Repressed. \nIt is different than suppression, which is an intentional squashing of a thought. This is the phenomenon of "see no evil, say no evil" and refusing to think about something painful or anxiety producing. This is frequently the process which is invoked between the time of a stressful event or discussion (including therapy), and pouring that cocktail or popping that pill, or going online (hehe!), when disinhibition (which is freedom to act according to one’s inner drives or feelings, with less regard for restraints imposed by cultural norms) takes over and suppression can stop working so hard. With repression, however, one doesn't have choice or volition. What is repressed is repressed, and takes work to fully identify and address through psychoanalysis.
536705
I had a complete "nervous breakthrough" about 12 years after mine occurred. I recovered with the loving support of an excellent therapist who used the EMDR method of therapy. "Getting over it" was more of re-living it until the mind was able to process it. Trauma gets stuck in the brain, and anything that reminds you of the trauma makes you feel as if you are reliving it. EMDR forces both sides of the brain to work on processing it. Now, to me, thinking about the events is like watching it on an old black and white film- it has no more power in my life.\n\nMy breakdown started with vivid nightmares and flashbacks after 2 close friends were raped at gunpoint. It terminated with me sitting outside on the cold ground one night, in the 20 degree air, rocking back and forth on my bare feet sobbing and repeating, "I need somehting, I need somehting, I need something..." \n\nInteresting, it was not until I had processed the events, and dealt with them, that I could have an active and caring relationship. I had had plenty of boyfriends, but they all weakened me in some way. I presume I was led to choose men that woudl keep inside a familiar feeling of disempowerment, because that was my comfort zone. I mean, holy shit, the last one, when i had the breakdown, had just admitted to me that he was inviting the neighbors' 8 and 9 year old girls over to his house for sleepovers (in bed with him!) and I was trying to JUSTIFY his behavior (we were livign outside the US where it is somewhat normal for children to share a bed with their parents, or at least a bedroom, for lack of any other space, so this is not as outrageous as it seems).\n\nThe kicker was he did not care about my feelings at all... and that was the clue. I had bottled my feelings so much that I did care about them, either. I just picked up and kept going after it happened- first the abortion, then back to high school the next day, pretending nothing was wrong. Tehn to college, and myriad tough jobs. The more it tried to hurt, the harder I worked. We all develop our defenses. the trick is being honest about them.\n\nMy advice to you is to elarn to be honest about your feelings. The act of rape affects every woman differently. I would suggest you try EMDR. Nobody knows why it works- just that it DOES. Totally eliminates the effects. It then takes a little time to rebuild afterwards. \n\nJust as an afterthought, my dealing with it, and taking control of my own life again, was the deciding factor that pushed my yearly income level up by $16,000! I was able to be assertive, self-actualizing, loving, accepting of love, and trusting again. I had not fully felt any of these things since I was 16.\n\nHope this helps. Feel free to contact me if you want someone to talk to off-forum.\n\nhauntedfox1975@yahoo.com
1107397
It may not work afor everyone, but I swear by it.  I don't know what it is about counsellors, but they do have a way of drawing all your problems from you and you feel like a ton weight has been lifted from your shoulders after you've been.  Try it.  You won't regret it
1112417
Having gone through such a traumatic event, the side effects aren't easy to handle. You may either go one way or another, to the extreme promiscuous act to having nothing be done to you sexually at all. You are probably trying to fill a void that you feel you have since your experience, and by doing these things you feel satisfied yet completely guilty that you "have done this to yourself again".\n\nIt isn't your fault, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. There are crisis and support lines that you could call in your area..that would be a great help if you need to just vent and talk. They could give you information that you may need, as well as counseling that is provided in your area. Therapy could do a world of wonders and maybe you should consider it. What is there to lose? \n\nTake care of yourself and your life, and remember you are a survivor not a victim. Make sure and put yourself first always, and if you feel something is wrong (which you clearly do) do something about it, there are plenty people who will support you out there and not judge you. So go for it! \n\nGood luck!
1181384
I was once in the same situation for 10 years...I was verbally abused as well as physically abused...we had 2 children...in 60's we had no place to escape to...I eventually was given a way out.....our son is in prison because of his painful childhood....so I do know where you are coming from...people should never stay in an abusive relationship "For the Children" they are suffering that abuse with you....\nAs far as the healing...well its been nearly 28 years since I got out of that marriage...I have anger problems....I have memory loss... I have anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome...but I have been holding out pretty good...healing takes time...I am still healing...one thing I did learn from all this...Men who do this sort of thing have a complex...they look to you as above them so in order to bring you to THEIR level they have to over power you enough to make themselves feel better about themselves..just hang in there...go forward don't look back....get a journal and write down your feelings..it really helps...and sometimes its better than trying to explain it to people who have never been there...time heals all wounds...but for some...it just takes a lot of time....let me know ...been there...done that...
867850
Yes, it dose. I’ve seen a counselor myself (for reasons I’d rather not disclose), and I can vouch for the helpfulness thereof. I’ve even heard it said that to become a good psychologist, you should have any personal issues addressed to another counselor. Everyone has mental and emotional issues just like everyone gets sick from time to time. There’s no shame in seeing a counselor; to say that neither you nor anyone in your family tree has ever had a mental problem is just as reasonable as saying no one in your family tree has ever had a cold. If you feel that you need to speak to a councilor, go ahead, and I wish you the best of luck.