what do you tell someone when their father dies?
457431
Go with what Bronwyn said and also let them know if they need somebody to talk to that you are there for them!
1174723
I am 58, and in those years I have lost friends and loved one including both parents.  My only suggestion to you is to do what you need to for yourself.  In my opinion this is by far the most important thing a survivor can do.  When my Dad died, I did a number of things.  I was always with the him if he wasn't locked away somewhere safe.  I had my Boy Scout pin buried with him, my Mother gave me his pin.  Scouting was important to both of us.  I flew with him to his final resting place.  I put the first shovel full of dirt in the grave.  At one point my Mother became worried about me, my Brother understood.  He told Mother I was on a mission and would be back as soon as the mission was complete.  You see I am retired from the military and we do things a bit different.  So do what you need to do for yourself, you never want to look back and say "I wish I had done thus and such".\n\nThe important thing to remember is that what you are feeling is perfectly normal.  There are stages of grief as follows:\n\nDENIAL --- The just can't be dead.\nANGER --- Why did they have to die?\nBARGAINING --- God help me get through this.\nDEPRESSION --- Oh God, what am I going to do. \nACCEPTANCE --- OK, they are dead and I am powerless to do anything about it.  I must live on...\n\nOne more story.  When my Dad died I decided to cut his lawn the following day.  When I tried to start the mower, it was out of gas.  At that moment I was absolutely dumb struck.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't think to look for a gas can, it never occurred to me that I could buy some, and so on.  If it hadn't been for a neighbor, I would still be setting on that empty lawn mower in the middle of the garage with absolutely no clue as to what to do next.\n\nI hope this helps some.  I understand how much you are hurting and I am terribly sorry for your loss.  It will take some time, but rest assured, you will get through this.  \n\nContact information is available on my profile.
861489
my mother, my father passed away or he would be there to
633714
yes you should. Why? when a person dies the family is going through so many emotions and everything is a fog.  They are so hurt and sad and at times don't remember who all came to see them and it's not because they are being rude, they are just so consumed with not having the loved one there anymore.  So, yes you are doing the right thing and they will be very happy to know you care.
565229
in his/her grief, your friend would tend to tell stories about his/her mother. just listen to him/her talk. be patient.
1069148
I just lost my father 6 months ago.  It was very unexpected.. We had our ups and downs through the yrs, but reconciled abouth 5 months before he passed. i NEver got the chance to say good-bye.  But I know he watches over me, and my son.  And ppl probably think I'm crazy for saying this: but i talk to him every night before I go to sleep. Can't say that I know for sure he hears me, but I think he does. I'm not real religious, but I believe i'll see him again someday. He's only gone from this earth, not my heart. So I try to remember the good times we had (though few), funny things he'd say or do. Or the quality time he spent with me when he could. And even though I miss him, my memories always have him near to me.
746867
My husband lost his father too.  All you can do for him is listen.  That is the best thing you can do for him.  Besides hold him and hug him.  Good Bless you at this very hard time!
368923
how do you start dealing with grief,,,not that we are taught that now are we.\n\nI lost my dad 4 years ago xmas eve ( so when people are getting all happy ready for xmas i'm not) and he died also suddenley,.\n \nI see rest of family getting on with it so I think why cant I, but are they???, they prob feeling the same.  think of him at times and then I get upset.\n\nI think also because it was sudden doesnt mean it hurts more than if u know someone is going to die before hand, like my friends mother who had cancer.\nThey prepared themselves for her not being round much longer.... but\n Shock of loosing a loved one is that SHOCK.\n\ntalking does help, listen to me hey lol i can only talk to strangers about this.\n\n its hard cause they ie parents have been there all our life we have known them forever and now they not there.\n\n\n\nSo as far as i know it is normal still to greive, cause you dont think about them doesnt mean you have forgotton them\n\n\nI hope this makes sense sometimes you cant get your words out.\ngood luck sweetie xx
75538
First of all, my condolences go out to you. Try remembering fun things you did with your pappaw. I do it quite frequently, as my grandfather passed away just before Chritmas. Did you fish, go to the movies, go to the park, have dinner at your favorite restaurant, anything memorable with him. If so, try to think about the most exciting things you did together. If you are religious, try prayer or meditation, depending on your religious preferences. If he was suffering before he passed, think of how comfortable he must be now that he is not suffering. If you have a pastor, mentor, or close friend, try talkin about your feelings with them. I truly hope you gain some comfort in the time to come.
479571
I think that is awesome that you are so forgiving, and excited to see your dad.. It's really amazing how your daughter was born on his birthday to.. I think that sometimes fate has a way of making things work out..You should just be very open and honest with your dad.. Tell him all the things that you have thought about over the years, and how much you have missed having him in your life.. Be receptive to what he has to say.. I hope that he involves himself with you and his new granddaughter from now on too.. I kinda know the feelings you have.. My dad passed away when I was eight. I don't remember him, and God knows how much I needed him there.. it's like you are always looking for something to replace that bond with.. \nI hope everything works out just as you hope it will!
691131
No one here could tell me, but I'd like to know if my father who passed away 4 months ago knows that we're okay? And of course if he's okay too, but I really believe he is in a better place now. I really miss him.
52997
My father was killed 3 months ago and I didn't get the chance to tell him anything.  You are lucky that you have the chance to make amends.  Please don't under estimate the power of heartfelt words.  Sometimes you need to swallow your pride and be the first to initiate an apology or a conversation.  I regret everyday of my life that I was not there when my dad died.  I torture myself with the what ifs... and if onlys.  I wish I was lucky enough to have one more moment to tell him how much I love him and what a great man he was.  I don't have that chance, but you do.  Please don't waste it.
644056
Just remember that your grief is for your father and to keep your anger towards your sisters for another place and time.  I lost my father last year, he too had heart surgery and never came out of it.  One of my friends suggested that I write him a letter to help me with my grief.  I was angry at the medical world for letting this happen, I just couldn't get past my anger for a long time.  Tell your Dad in your letter how much you loved him and how you're feeling.  Take your grief, your anger and channel it into something positive for your Dad's sake.  I also planted my Dad's favorite tree in my back yard to remind me of him.  So sorry for your loss.
643317
It's always tough when someone looses a loved one.  My advice is to get her to talk about it herself.  Ask her how everything is going...if there's anything that she needs to talk about; let her know that you're there for her.  On the other hand, if that doesn't work, if you know someone that may be aware that her father died, explain that you heard from a friend.  Many people have trouble adjusting when they loose someone.  It's very difficult, so just be patient.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with you.  I wish you the best of luck.\nChris Nalley
122061
My father died when I was 23 years old.  I had not seen him since I was 7 years old, when he was being hauled off to jail.  He then was in prison until I was 20 years old.  At 20, I then contacted him and wanted to get to know him.  I left the ball in his court, and that is where it stayed.  When I found out that my dad died, I laughed and thought no big deal, I hadn't seen the man in 16 years.  I chose to go to the funeral and see if he ever talked about me or if anyone knew about me, (I have 7 siblings).  Sure enough everyone at the funeral knew of my 7 siblings and the other one but no one could remember my name.  Ironically, I have the same name as my dad.  I blew it off as if it was no big deal.  Two days after the funeral, it hit me.  I cried and was very depressed.  I later found out the reason that my father didn't want anything to do with me because I was close to my mother (I am the youngest daughter).  I also found out that my mother was the reason that my father and I did not keep contact.  \nSo back to the question.  I think my father's death has made me grow up.  I have come to the realization that my mother is not an angel.  I can not fathom why a mother would try to keep a child's father from her children.  My daughter's father and I do not get along at all.  But nothing in the world would make me keep him from seeing out daughter.  The rejection that I felt, the anger that I felt, and the loniness that I felt taught me that parents (no matter how bad) need to be involved with their children's life.
390778
My dad died a few months before your dad did.  He had lung cancer that spread throughout his body.  I was there with him when he died, as was my mom and the hospice nurse.  I can feel your pain.  All I can tell you is what I believe.  I believe my dad heard me when I told him that it was time for him to go; that I would take care of my mom.  He heard me and knew that I loved him.  The pain will never entirely disappear, but it gets easier.  There are difficult weeks and months (anniversary of his death, his birthday, holidays), but overall it gets easier.  I will tell you that if it is not getting easier by this point, you may be stuck in the grief process and would benefit from talking to someone, a counselor or minister perhaps.\n\nMy heart goes out to you!
71140
Just be there for her my dad died on may 10, 2005 and he was a born again christian. I know he's resting waiting till our Lord Jesus Christ to come and take all of us christians to reunite. But it's still hard because I love him so much and I miss him being around but the good thing that clams me is to think that daddy is better than all of us waiting because he accepted Jesus Christ as his savior a few months before he died so thank the Lord he took him now then before. All I can say is just be there it's gonna hurt for a long time but just be there she's gonna need you alot. God Bless You and Your friend