how to recover from a divorce for a man with kids?
470653
I would suppose like any other man. Women go through the same thing so no different for a man, so stop your whining and make the best of it...K
1048271
Firstly must say you seem like a very special man. Secondary I shall say that it is time that you concentrate on yourself a bit more (to be able to move forward)\n\nBe respectful, always reliable, helpful, be understanding, be her shoulder to cry on (life is funny.. but wheel turns). But at the same time give her space at this time as you don’t want to loose her.\n\nI had a friend who his wife left him for another man. They have two kids together. He was always there for her (but had other girlfriend but did not commit 100%: in fact I was one J ). If she was sick, or needed something, or pick their kids up: he was always there, kept nice contact with ex-in laws because of the kids.. She went back to him when she was in trouble. He let her. He let her leave him again for yet another man (even married) He was her friend, warned her about the guy who ended up to be an abuser. She left this guy in the end, she matured, and they now together (but he did not remarry), He is now 48, his wife 8 year younger. He married he as she was only 19.\n\n*******************************\nJust remember:\n*******************************\n\nForming a relationship with your ex is entirely separate from the process of ending a marriage; if you work through the process to achieve your "emotional divorce," you can cultivate something entirely new. Your old relationship is over; take the steps to heal so that you can invest your energy elsewhere.\n\nGood luck.\n\nps meant to say: and you get a new hobby and have fun with other people as soon you will feel better and might make new friends and will not feel lonely. The reason why we LOVe or MISS people is beuase we miss that comunication. Once you communicate with others it will be better for you. And who knows, maybe your ex -wife seeing how popular and outgoing you are might ant to herself be your friend asap.........  show her your new side that she did not see before :-)
605624
I have been married for just over 9 years, together for 11 and have 4 children. We faced similar trials recently, we lost our house almost the car and were behind on a lot of bills. Divorce was never an issue, it will not solve any of those problems and if you agree on everything than you agree on that also. Sometimes you just have to lose everything to see what is really important... your family and their well being. You can always rent, get extent ions on the bills if you ask for help. It has been just about 2 years since everything seemed to go wrong for us, financially, but we are stronger and more aware of our money, emotions and the important stuff that always seemed to get lost before. It does get better. Keep your head up and stick it out.
685305
Listen very closely to what I'm telling you.  It's good advice.\n\nFirst, if your soon to be ex-husband is having dangerous affairs, if his lifestyle puts your children at risk, you could go to the CPS (Child Protective Services).\n\nDo you belong to a church?  Make an appointment during the week to tell a priest what is happening. He may know someone in the system who can help you.  Don't overlook this resource.\n\nWhen it comes to the justice system, forget about what is the truth, and what is right or wrong.  Lawyers are often working in their own self interest.  Everyone involved in the case is apt to make decisions based on what is easiest for them.  No one is going to risk their careers for you.\n\nIf you have accusations to make, you must be certain they can be substantiated:  names, dates, places, etc.  Do you have witnesses?  Will they testify under oath?  Will they sign a document certifying what they say is true?   There are RULES OF EVIDENCE, and judges will sometimes even forbid a person from making statements he considers irrelevant.\n\nRemember... people are going to do WHAT IS EASIEST for them.  If they're acting against you, stop making it so easy for them to ignore the truth.  Everyone has a boss.  You can always take this one step higher.\n\nI noticed you misspelled a few words.  Are you from this country?  Do you live here legally?  Do you have an education and can you support these children?  All these are very important factors that a judge will consider.\n\nThink very carefully before you act.  If your husband is actually a decent man, and could care better for the children, make the unselfish decision not to oppose him.\n\nBest of luck.
985852
My parents got divorced and it was the best thing they could have done for us. I also am divorced and have two children. Their father and I co-parent very successfully because we got out of it before we turned hateful. I knew that it was enough when he would come home and I felt like my day just got shot down the tubes. Life is too short to be with someone who is not right for you. Try to discuss it when he is sober. Try counseling for yourself as an individual first, then suggest it for family therapy. If that does not work, then at least you tried and you know that you are doing the right thing.  It is a difficult decision, but just try to think if this is the man who you want to be with for every day of the rest of yoiur life. There may be someone else better suited for each of you and you will not be able to pursue that until you straighten out things for yourself first. Good luck with this sweetie, I know it is hard, but you can do it !
711693
That is easy, because you are not ready!! You have been through a lot with the divorce, even though it is not final. You need to focus on yourself for a while and don't make it harder by adding another person to think about right now. Do things that you like and can do alone, go out with the guys, play cards, things with the kids. When the divorce is final and you have found out who you really are again, then you will feel more comfortable dating. You may also subconsciously think that it is not a good thing for the kids to see right now either, at least something to think about. Best of luck to you and time and prayer heal all things.
892267
Only YOU know what you and the kids went through.  \n\nAnn Landers has an answer for women in your situation.  It is "Are you better off with him or without him"?\n\nEvidently you still have feelings for him.  You and him DID have kids together. \n\nIf he was that bad, he probably already had women on the side.  If he laid out at night, late in coming home etc....you know.\n\nYou might should begin to make your own life.  First, divorce and child support, enforced by the courts.  Then began to make your life enjoyable and look for a better husband, IF you want to.  If he is now running wild and free, you are right, he is having fun, rid of you and the kids and letting it all hang out.  IF you hadn't kicked him out he would have drove you crazy and ended up leaving on his own.  You just made it easy for him.   Good luck.  Pops
696018
I think your concerns are legitimate, and I think it's a good idea to consider carefully whether you want to let this abusive man back into your lives.  (I assume he abused you and the kids based on what you said.)  I think that people can change, but you should look for evidence that he is really serious about changing.  Enrolling himself in anger management classes or psychological counseling might be a good start.  Also, I think you have a right to be concerned about the timing of this "change of heart" and it sounds like you feel like he's using you, which sounds to me like a form of abuse.  I'd say, if you need help, get help from a battered women's shelter, an ecclesiastical leader, a counselor, or somebody else who can help you make a wise decision.  Remember to keep your kids in mind when you are making this decision -- think about what will be best for them.  God bless you.
1169853
Talk to him about it when the kids are not there.   Just tell him your miserable and you have filed for a divorce.  If you haven't really had a relationship with him the last few years, it might be a blessing to him too.  Just try to be as civil as possible for the kids.  Try not to fight in front of them...but don't give them false hopes either.  Good luck, you're going to need it ,I'm afraid.
956126
WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM BACK?\n\nWHY WOULD YOU SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR HIM TO DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?\n\nTAKING HIM BACK WOULD TEACH THE WRONG MESSAGE TO YOUR CHILDREN.\n\nIT'S BETTER FOR THEM TO COME FROM A BROKEN HOME THAN TO LIVE IN ONE.\n\nYOUR HUSBAND JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.  BUT IT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR HIS INFIDELITY AND ABANDONMENT.\n\nYOU SHOULD CHANGE THE LOCKS AND GET A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER.  WORK OUT VISITATION DETAILS IN A DIVORCE DECREE.\n\nYOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SEE HIM ABUSE AND CONTROL OU LIKE THIS, AND THEY SHOULDN'T SEE YOU ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN OR ACCEPT IT WHEN IT DOES.\n\nHE HAS CLEARLY MADE HIS CHOICE AND IT IS NOT YOU OR HIS OWN FAMILY.  HE HAS STARTED A NEW ONE AND REPLACED YOU.  THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN EXPAIN, JUSTIFY, OR MAKE THAT ALL RIGHT.\n\nWHY GIVE HIM ANY CONTROL OVER YOU?  HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
1027002
Find someonelse to get him out of your system. \nMen try to be polite and say sweet things to ease you but then women read this compassionate talk as false hope. Honey, it's all BS because is OVER and is been over since August last year.\n\nIf he wanted to be back he would already been back.\nFind some new friends, go to a divorce support group to be able to vent your pain and share experiences with people that have been thru the same. If you keep on holding on you will continue suffering. Realize once and for all that he is not coming back, come one. you are DIVORCED and you don;t have to keep on holding on the candles waiting for him to make his heroic return. Noone is going to give you a medal for being a marthyr...so go out and have fun, you are a newly single gal. He is out ther having fun, so why are you crying at home?\n\nLet go and move on\n\nGood luck.
1039897
def. move on.  You'll have more fun, the kids can see what dad's doing, you don't need to explain to them.  Get a divorce and get all you can.  Then do something for yourself.
84757
Sounds like this hit you hard. Sounds like you didnt know it was coming. They have support groups for divorce people. Try going out and doing something for yourself thats make you feel good, and dont blame yourself.
692292
You haven't said anything that makes it sound as if you should take him back.  And as Dr. Phil says, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one.  Why on earth would you want to take him back if he hasn't been good to you and your kids?  And what's the story with your husband - are you still with him or planning on leaving him?
840428
My wife and I divorced when our sons were 5 and 2 1/2.  It was a miserable experience.  The divorce was painful because I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore.  There was no normality.  Even more painful was not being with my sons everyday.  The hurt will not disappear overnight.  You probably don't want to hear this but it just takes some time.  One thing that will help is to maintain a civil relationship with your ex, but while the hurt is still there try to restrict your conversations to the children.  As for the children, do whatever you can to make sure you have as much time with them as you possibly can.  Focus your energy on making sure they know you want them around and that your home is also their's and they aren't just visitors.  I know the pain you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.  This won't make the hurt go away completely, but it does give you something to sort of hang-on to that is positive.
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
1060629
I'm going through the same thing. Just think about how much happier they will be when they finally get a divorce. Nothing is your fault, and there isn't much you can do to help. I'm so sorry. It can be really hard to go through this. Find a friend that you can talk to. That helps the most out of everything.