really, what is it to forgive?
462417
Forgivness starts within your heart and mind.  You need to let go of the anger/hate/jelousy ... what ever the negative sympton is that poisens you.  Once you've made peace with the wrong doing, you can turn to the person/thing that wronged you.  This is the tricky part.\n\nForgivness is also mutual ... You could forgive <which free's u from hate/anger/jeolosy> however, the person you're forgving may not want to be forgiven.  Example ... your spouce may have cheated on you and does not want forgivness.  They would rather get a divorce and they wanted to hurt you.  See, forgivness isn't mutual here.  You still need to find that place where you rid yourself of negativity, and remove yourself from the person who does not want forgivness.\n\nReligion does a great job of teaching us about forgiveness.  Confessions are one of the first lessons we get about forgivness.  Three acts are required from the Penitent <us sinners who WANT to be forgiven> for forgivness through the sacrament of confession.  These are Contrition, confession, and satisfaction.\n\nContrition is sincere sorrow for having offended God, the most important act of penitent.  There can be no forgiveness of sin if we do not have sorrow and a firm resolve to not repeat our sin.  See if we were married and cheated on our spouse the first step is for us to feel sorry that we cheated and to resolve in our heart not to cheat again; flip side, if your spouse has cheated on you, they willing have to be sorry and willingly have to resolve not to cheat on you again.  \n\nConfession requires confronting our sins in a profound way before God by acknowledging them aloud to a priest.  The priest is a conduit to God in confession.  In the marriage if you cheated on your spouse, you must go to the spouse and inform them of the affair; flip side, if your spouse cheates on you, then they need to come to you ... hiring a private detetive leads you down a path where you'll forgive but they aren't ready to be forgiven.\n\nSatisfaction is the "penance" the priest imposes on the penitent to make amends for sin, an important part of our healing.  Once you've cheated on your spouse, you need to make it up to your spouse <give up your computer/phone/whatever caused you to stray>; flip side, if your spouse cheated on you, they need to give up whatever was the temptation to lead them to stray.  \n\nIn today' Western culture, it seems that cheating spouses dont' heal because they don't work their way through the basic forgiveness techniques <Contrition, Confession, and Satisfation>.  Instead most are stuck at level 1: Contrition.  If the couples make it to level 3 "Penance" then victim spouse ususally does not have the courage to require a healing penance to their spouse.
366131
You will never be completely held unless you forgive. keeping in all that anger when your upset with someone will only result in hurting you mentally and eventually physically. Its very important that your able to look the person in the eye and say I forgive you, and genuinely mean it. I obviously don't know what the cause was, but we all face hardship in our life's; and if we're unable to move on then we are holding ourselves back by holding a grudge, we'll never experience the joys of life until that burden is released. Jesus can't forgive you, until you forgive your enemy.
319267
Depends that - on what u feel sorry, if a major mistake it is advisable to appologize & plea for forgivenes, if it is some minor stuff then leave it u felt sorry that itself is enough
898540
Forgive but do not forget.
389424
There is no time when it is advantageous not to forgive...the only one that you hurt is yourself...the bitterness will eat you up.\nNo time is it ever permissible because Jesus told us to forgive...70 x 7...just for that one transgression that was committed against us.\nAnd never is it okay...because Jesus taught us a different way...we ought to know better.\nRemember....you only do damage to yourself when you do not forgive.
242326
Personally I try to forgive, but not forget.\n\nI believe in the saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".  If someone has developed a pattern of behavior that is unkind and/or selfish that is their business, I just won't put up with it.
220450
I don't think that there are any levels of forgiveness.  There is a difference between the kind of forgiveness God gives and human forgiveness.  God forgets all our sins once we ask for forgivness . . . most of us humans forgive, but don't forget (and I personally don't find that to be an awful thing all of the time . . . it saves us from letting others walk all over us).  I don't think that whether a person is a christian or not affects whether we should forgive them . . . the Lord's prayer says "forgive us our tresspasses (sins,debts) as we forgive those who tresspass against us".  An important thing about this is that God forgives us WHEN we forgive others . . . this was something I didn't really understand until a week or two ago, when I was at a retreat and was lead through a process of forgiving a number of people in my life that I had forgotten I was holding grudges against.  It's interesting that this individual in England has recognized their inability to forgive and has decided not to teach any longer.  That is a good example for the rest of us.
1118566
If they honestly seek forgiveness for their sins
1006644
Forgive them because they know not what they do...
154827
You forgive people for your own sake as well as for theirs.  If you hang on to the anger and bitterness you might feel for someone who has wronged you, you are hurting yourself, and probably not hurting or affecting that other person at all.\n\nSo forgive because it is good for you.  Rise above needing the other person to feel remorse.  Forgive for yourself, for your own well being, and we will all be better for it.
105997
I had that problem as well for a while so I sat down and wrote out what I thought on it from what I knew and learned.  It's long so bear with it...\n\nWhat is forgiveness?Each person has their own definition of it. To some it is never talking about it again. For others its pretending whatever it was never happened. Still others think its absolution of guilt and minimizing what happened. Still others it means giving up thoughts of revenge. Finally, some feel it is as simple as giving up the hate. Which is right?\nOK, let’s start somewhere else… Firstly, why SHOULD you forgive? Is it really necessary? That is dependant a lot of you and your school of thought. Most Christians point to the phrases in the bible and say it’s gods plan. Others are more apt to put forth the proposal that is makes you a better person. But does it? Is it truly necessary to forgive someone to grow? My personal belief is this; it depends on what you are forgiving. Some things are small and don’t really mean that much so it’s not a big deal, forgiveness is easy there. But what about bigger things? Things that affect your life and your mental health? That is where it gets more complex… Anger, hatred and rage are there for a reason some times, all of us have felt them at some point in time, they are normal. They are there to tell you something is wrong and you need to work through it. Depending on the offense forgiveness isn’t automatic. It takes time. Sometimes forgiveness is NEVER warranted, EVER. Think about it, why should you forgive someone that isn’t the least repentant for what they did to you? Then there are truly evil acts that should never warrant forgiveness. Yet as mature adults we, mostly from teachings when we were small children, feel that we have to forgive someone no matter how heinous the crime. Step back a bit and think about that… Then ask yourself why? Why are you forgiving them? Is it because that is how you feel or is it because you were once told that is the proper thing to do? Which is it? What we are never taught as a child is that anger is healthy and the expression of such is right, we sometimes have a reason to feel that anger. And to get better that anger is needed. Only after you have worked through that stage should you consider forgiveness. Even then sometimes you don’t need to forgive someone. I hear the gasp from here so bear with me… Why should you have to forgive someone when you don’t feel it is warranted? The answer is you shouldn’t. There is nothing in this world that tells you it’s a requirement. Think about it; aren’t there some things done that don’t ever warrant it? No, forgiveness doesn’t make you better than them, really it doesn’t. Forgiveness will not get you into heaven faster. Forgiveness won’t make what is done to you go away. Forgiveness truly can only come when YOU are ready for it, not before. If that never happens then so be it. Just because you don’t and can’t forgive someone doesn’t mean you are filled with hate and rage, it just means you are unable to make that step because you don’t feel it is warranted, no other reason.\nSay you are ready to forgive someone for something fairly big, OK your ready to tell them all that and shine your halo a bit. But before it goes that far mayhap you should ask what their definition of it is. If it is we will never discuss it again, it never happened or that it’s an absolution of guilt back off! That is not forgiveness, they want you to forget it happened and let them off the hook. That is not forgiveness. Just because you FORGIVE them doesn’t take away their culpability in the matter or make it so it never happened. No way, doesn’t work like that. If they want absolution send them to church, that is the only place they will get it! No one ever said if you forgive them that you can’t ever talk about it, they just don’t want to is all. Forgive and forget is all wrong because as much as you try you will NEVER
399859
Sure.\n\nYou talk about thing things you have.  Did you do something wrong in order to obtain those things?  If so, you may need to make restitution with the person you slighted in order to make peace with that.\n\nWhatever you have done, if you have asked God to forgive you, you have to forgive you, too.  Failing to forgive yourself will definitely hold you back.\n\nOnce God has forgiven you, you don't have the right to wallow in guilt and shame.  He has freed you to go on to better things, and failing to do so is failing to accept His gracious gift.\n\nI know it can be hard to forgive yourself.  I have always struggled with that.  Part of it for me is recognizing that it hurts God when I don't accept His forgiveness and let go of my guilt and move on.\n\nI had the same problem with confidence.  I was afraid of being selfish, and I was very insecure.  I held on to my insecurity because I didn't want to be arrogant and selfish.  Then I realized how selfish it was that when someone asked me for my opinion, I would answer, but in a voice so small that they struggled to hear me.  I was showing my insecurity, which I thought was humble.  But they were having to work to hear me, which is pretty arrogant.  What is so great about what I have to say, that I'm going to make people work to hear it?  Now, I don't have to go to the other extreme and yell, but it is kind to be considerate of the one asking and speak my answer loudly enough that they can hear it.\n\nI used to think my guilt would keep me from making the same mistakes again.  I grew up never being forgiven, so I learned never to forgive myself.  It didn't work, so I shamed myself on top of that.  Still to no avail.\n\nGuilt is supposed to serve a purpose.  It's supposed to lead us to repentance and forgiveness.  Anything other than that is an abuse of guilt.  Some people will say, "ignore the guilt." but that's not really helpful.  Guilt can bring you out of self-destructive patterns if you use it correctly.\n\nWhen you feel it and repent and ask for forgiveness, you have to take the next step, which is trust.  You have to trust God enough to believe that He has forgiven you and that you can forgive yourself.  And you have to trust that He will help you do His will.  And trust yourself enough to take that next step onward.\n\nGuilt keeps you tied to that cement block you tossed in the river.  Cut the cord, or you'll drown in self-contempt.
794104
Forgiveness here is the answer it comes from whom you are but look at Jesus he forgives all because he knows all he died on the cross for all so they can have eternall life and so they know god loves us so much he died for us. I say this to Forgive one is to forgive urself. to love is to love ur self. is it better to forgive or hold a grudge it is better to forgive i tell u for no one is perfect. if u forgive god forgives u it comes from with in u it is the spirit.
80299
Not all things come back to you.  Life is not a story book were all the villians are punished.  That said, what may happen is that your deed is remembered and another person will suffer for it, because they won't be trusted.\n\nYou wrote "there is no way I can apologize". You can apologize, but what you are afraid of is that there is no guarentee you will be forgiven.  That's a chance you ought to take, not only for your sake, but for the sake of the person you wronged.\n\nThe word "Forgiveness" comes from a Greek word which means "to let go".  To let go...of the past, the anger, and whatever else is involved.  Perhaps,....just perhaps...you will have a chance to experience what forgiveness means on a deeper level. \n\n Take the chance.  Apologize.
568753
In order to get forgiveness as a christian you have to believe what you did was wrong.  You can just go willy nilly and ask to be forgiven if you're just going to do it all again in five minutes.
954925
oh, that is a very hard question , but i am going to say forgive myself. i tend to have a shorter memory when it comes to others, i have to live with myself. i never can seem to escape my mistakes and they can play repetitively in my head, making forgetting impossible sometimes.
506378
I know forgiveness is very important in Buddhism.  They teach that you cannot find peace without being able to forgive yourself and others.