can someone tell me a real funny joke that is abot an singer or actor?
305599
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks out into a house to look for money and a gun and finds a young couple in the bed. \n\nHe orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: \n\n"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." \n\nTo which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!!"
844715
gork laugh so hard he fall off rock..gorks joke now\ngork got mad cow disease from happy meal.\nhahahahah...snort...hahahah
790952
Ha Ha Ha....Pretty  old joke!!! Still as fresh as New Born Baby !! Yes ! This is one of my favorite joke and i Often use it in my 'Ventriloquism' Show its more than 20 years now !!! This one is undoubtedly my favorite and I always liked it !!!
786007
Unfortunately the jokes will be around as long as he is.\n\nI got a million of 'em:\n\n"Good news for President Clinton. They've repaired his heart and his lungs. That's two of his three busiest organs" --David Letterman \n"Bill Clinton went back into the hospital today so surgeons can clean up from his last operation -- remove fluid build up. Now isn't that what got him impeached last time?" --Jay Leno\n\n"Thank goodness Clinton is doing fine. And today his condition was upgraded from stable to horny." --Jay Leno\n\n"Bill Clinton's presidential library opened yesterday and cost $7 to get in. On the bright side, every night is ladies' night." --Conan O'Brien \n\n"You know what today was? The official opening of the Clinton library in Little Rock, Arkansas. You probably saw it on the news. Poured -- nothing but rain, which is kind of ironic because a lot of dresses got ruined." --Jay Leno
124764
ooh! I almost missed this one =)\n\nOnce upon a time in Disneyland there was a Victoria's Secret model named Oscar Wilde. All night and all day her third cousin twice removed forced her to scrub the toilet. Then one day, she received a visit from the little old lady who lived it a shoe. The old lady says, "Hi! I am Papa Smurf and I am here to pump... you up. \nLost in an unbearable lightness of being, Oscar says to P. Smurf "how many licks *does* it take?", to which Papa replies, "They are the eggmen. I am the walrus. Goo goo g' joob!" \n\nSo then Oscar and Papa find a field of magic mushrooms and live happily ever after...or did they?
886950
Billy Madison\nOld Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis\nOr when he is at Veronica’s house and sees the penguin at the top of the stairs:\nOhhhh. I see whats goin on here. So soooory to interuuupt!
801840
It's got to be Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video.  Nothing can top that.  The one that makes me laugh most would be David Lee Roth's "Just A Gigolo."  Hilarious.
167392
Try: ROTFLMFAO\n\nRolling on the floor laughing my f**king a** off.
912642
my best mate walked out of the registry office to the sound of an instrumental version of "there may be trouble a-head".\n\nWorked great because various people got the joke at differnet times.
485067
I heard it as two guys were walking along one day when they came to a picket fence.  Rather than go around it, they decided to jump over the fence.  One guy made it, the other didn't.  After they got him to the hospital, the first guy asks the doctor, "Where is he hurt, Doc?"\n\nThe doctor, without looking up from his medical chart, replies, "Rectum."\n\nThe guy responds, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!"\n\n\nThe punchline alone is funnier than the joke, because with the punchline, you get the toilet humor without having to think about it.  Sort of like the "er?  I hardly know 'er!" lines, like:\n\nPoker?  I hardly know 'er!\nButter?  I hardly know 'er!\nSucker?  I hardly know 'er!\netc.
892716
Here's one for you:\nThere's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs." \n\nHere's another:\nTwo men are sitting at a bar, one turns to the other and says:"I f*cked your mom."\nThe bar goes silent as everyone looks at the two men to see what is going to happen.\nOnce again, the first man repeats:"I f*cked your mom."\nTo which the other man replies:"Shut up dad, you're drunk."
929334
i hope this joke can make you laugh\n\nA little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.\nThe son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"\n\nThe mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."\n\n"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.\n\n"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.\n\n"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
25322
There was a scientific research project into the world's funniest joke, this is the result:\n\nTwo hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. \n\nHe gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
1130733
Thankyou!I just read the joke.The Three Men from one of your other questions.I literally almost fell out of my chair it was hilarious.
888279
two points very good (joke)
527416
One I know goes like this:\n\n"Pablito clavó un clavito. ¿Qué clavito clavó Pablito?"\n\nBy the way, myindigostar. Do you really think you're funny? You're not offensive to us Spanish speakers. You're just ridiculous.
812989
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. The Producers (I prefer the original). Blues Brothers (also the original, not 2000). A Fish Called Wanda. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Just Friends. Wedding Crashers. Eddie Izzard stand-up. What About Bob? Mouse Hunt. Something by Mel Brooks, such as High Anxiety, Young Frankenstein, Spaceballs, etc. I don't know; it depends on what you think is funny.