I have a problem with always meeting a man to date that ends up being controling?
474289
I do to & I get real tired of people trying to tell me that is because I want that type relationship. \nWhen I am seeing someone I just try to make them happy & usually wind up getting hurt because they do not have the same considerartion. If you care for someone you should want to see them happy.\nJust because I try does not mean I want to be controlled. There is a big difference.
777376
This guy seems to have the ego the 'size of montana' as the expression goes--based on your brief description.  So he tells you he doesn't 'want to be held down'.  I'll bet he would like everything at his convenience, on his time table, and on his terms.  He is probably not going to give you very much attention...and his playing hard to get may be what attracts you.  You may not have the option of spending time with this guy.  Wait and see what develops before you get too carried away (for your own sake)--you need to figure out what he has in mind and ensure that suits your needs as well.  I'd suggest not contacting him at all....and see how frequently he contacts you.  It may be that you don't want such an infrequent love in your love.  Think about it--you may be swept off your feet at this point but if he is going to be cold, it may not be worth it.  I don't mean to be negative....but keep your options open and if you see someone else that interests you in the meantime I suggest you go for it.  He plans to keep his options open...that's probably what he meant when he said he didn't want to be held down.  What a guy!
372276
Well, there are a lot of things which could be driving him to avoid certain subjects.  Perhaps he is holding back a bit to avoid being totally vulnerable.  If he's been hurt before by allowing himself to be totally vulnerable to someone you could be paying the unfortunate price.  While I understand you don't want to run him off you also need to be able to figure out whether your relationship has a strong foundation upon which to build something more than conversations about sex, food and currente events.  If he's not willing to meet you half way then perhaps you both need to re-evaluate what you each want, need and expect from the relationship.  If those lists are not consistent or, at the very least, complimentary, you may have to re-examine whether you want to stay in the relationship.\n\nOf course it's very easy to write all of this not being there but in the long run it's a conversation you're eventually going to have to have with him.  Try to find out what other subjects are open for discussion and go there first....try to help him open up by sharing a little something you might be holding back.  Start it by saying "you know, I may not have told you about this but...."  Perhaps by sharing and showing a bit of your vulnerablility he'll do the same.  Just be careful to pick something which won't bare your soul completely and leave you hung out to get hurt in the end.\n\nAll the best "ma'am"   ;)
729577
its not rare to meet a person at random places like that, but listen to your gut. I once met a guy at starbucks, and i went out with him a few times, but something just didnt feel right about the guy, my gut was telling me that something was just off. So i stopped seeing him. If you do decided to go out on a date with this guy make sure you go somewhere public where there will be alot of people. Also make sure your friends and parents know where you are. You should have someone call you to check up about mid way through the date, and casually mention that you told your parents where you were going, this way he knows someone knows where you are and is waiting for you to come home. Better safe then sorry, he might end up being a super nice guy, but you can never be too carefull.
1138211
i read somewhere that you wouldnt be able to recognize the right person unless you dated the wrong person at one point. just like u gotta balance light with darkness, you gotta balance a few a$$holes to know when youve met the right guy.  itll happen for you, youve got ur whole life ahead of you.  the important thing is that you know those guys are a$$holes and ur smart enuff not to put up with their sh*t
469853
I've had the same experience....with a woman....we met and it just wasn't the same.  I believe there is no reason it cant be though.  Meet the guy in a safe place and see if you still have the magic in person.  Dont worry or get uptight.  good luck
661677
It may not be a problem with you, but more of a problem with the guys that you are dating. They probably aren't satisfying your needs for reassurance on these type of issues. In the future, look for guys that will provide these things and see if there is a difference.
267232
I asked my boyfriend this question and he said that maybe some men like to control their woman and if she is independent then he can't control her. I say stay the way you are and you will one day find who you are looking for. I did.
1072885
First, change where you hang out.  If you keep finding losers, then you must hanging out where losers hang out.\n\nSecond, change the way you choose a boyfriend.  It's obvious the system you have right now keeps landing you in the same place.  Insanity in action is repeating the same process and expecting a different result.  It just doesn't work that way.\n\nThird, ask yourself this question, "Why do I want to date him?"  If you cannot come up with anything other than a superficial answer (he's hawt, he smells good, he's rich, he's mysterious/exciting, etc), pass.  Your answers should be more like, "He makes me feel good about who I am," "He makes me laugh," or "He challenges me to be a better person."  Did you notice where the focus shifted?  You are no longer focusing on what makes him attractive, but on how he makes you feel.\n\nFinally, understand that the end game for dating is to find someone you can sepnd the rest of your life with.  Don't use it as a tool to just have company or someone who will pay for everything.  The latter will expect something in return, and the former are called 'friends' not boyfriends.  Use the system to do what it was made for, not to fill a void in your life.  No person can ever do that.  Lonliness can only be cured by you.
600655
I don't think you can ever forget him, unfortunately for you and the rest of us who may suffer from similar problems with our past.  You obviously need to resist him.  You can try to avoid putting yourself in positions where you will run into him.  You know enough about him to know what many of his habits are and where he often will frequent.  It will not stop chance meetings as there is nothing to do about them, but it should limit many of the more risky run ins you may have.  Otherwise, the best hope is that you immerse yourself in some hobby, activity or volunteer somewhere...anything to occupy your mind.  Otherwise, I am at a loss as to what you can do, other than moving away.  Just stay strong and hold to your convictions.  Remember why you are not with him and drill the negative thoughts into your mind, remember the bad times, the bad things and hopefully your desire for him will fade.  Good luck!
769898
He sounds like a very controlling guy the next time he does this don't contact him in any way he wants control and you are giving it to him every time there are so many better guys out there you don't need a guy who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself. Get rid of him he does not deserve you.
406770
Yes I have  the same experience ...understand everything happens for a reason..ever thing, nothing happens by mistake...if it was meant to be ...then you would still be communicating with them...but just know obviously they aren't the one so don't give up your soul mate is out there...and he will find you...keep hope alive
214324
you have to try to understand what happened in arouba, he might have met someone and is having second thoughts about you...you never know with guys, you have to be always on your toes....he might never admit it, if that was what happened, but you will understand it...as you said, men have this problem with being truthful and straight forward, at least 99% of them, i guess it's got something to do with their egos, they think it's clever to play games with us and it shows they are more in control...strange creatures and so immature, right??!
290632
I know a person exactly as you describe and he/she drives me nuts....\nYou can't force people to turn to you no matter what you do...Leave them be and when they need you..they will come...maybe??
544547
When you are looking for a man to be in your life, observe him for a long time, and see what he is like. Date him, get to know him, and if red flags come up, you know he's not the one. I, myself, have a problem with choosing women because you and I are natured alike, and I tend to pick losers...so I proceed slowly now, and hope for the best. By the way, don't put yourself down.....I'll bet you're a very pretty lady....and good natured too. You will make some man an excellent wife. Good Luck!!
531608
Have you ever tried to remember the name of a movie, & you thought as hard as you could about it, but couldn't remember, only to have it come to you later when you weren't thinking about it at all?  I know, odd question, but I'm illustrating a point.  I think a serious relationship is often the same way.  For some odd reason, when you are concentrating so hard on trying to find someone, it won't happen.  Then, when you change the focus of your life to something else, like work or school, often times someone just falls in your lap.  Careful that they aren't too heavy, though, as that could lead to bruising.  Seriously, though, you sound like a great girl who may just need a little more time to get over your past relationship, & get your focus in the present instead of the past.  Try to do some things with work or school that may get your mind off your ex & men in general for a little while.  Then, don't be surprised if someone walks right up to you & asks you out on a date.  God has a way of providing for our needs, even if they conflict with our desires & we don't even know it.  When you're ready, the right man will come to you.  Best of luck.
1140023
This guy is not being fair with you, but then again a lot of guys aren't! You have to pin him down (not literally mind!!) and get him to tell you one way or the other, is it going to be you or her. I know this sounds harsh but whilst you are pining for him, you may just miss out on your true Mr Right! He is already in a relationship and gets to flirt and chat with you as well, ever heard of having your cake and eating it? My guess is that this situation will carry on and on because he likes it like this! He is flattered by your attention. You've gotta be tough with him and with yourself. If he says he can't (or won't) leave his woman for you, then it means he doesn't really want to. \n\nYou need to push him to make a decision because whilst this situation persists he isn't being fair to anyone, not you, not her and not to himself! \n\nGood luck sweetie!