if  your spouse was GOING to cheat, and wanted to tell you, how would you prefer to be told?
460060
I would prefer to hear " lets get a divorce"
162663
Cheating means that you deceive someone you love (hopefully love anyway). If you do it openly they have the option to kick your butt, join in or leave you alone with your new find.\n\nNot telling them is just a cowardly way of lying. Postponing the truth and hoping it won't be found out.
740499
You made a mistake how can telling him correct the mistake?  Is your purpose in telling him to help him or attempt to lessen your guilt? Perhaps you want him to feel as bad as you do.  Perhaps you want him to assume some of the guilt and responsibility for your actions.  I would not want to be told because once you told me there is nothing I could do to fix it.  \n\nI suggest you try and get your lifes back to normal as soon as possible if you want to continue the relationship.  You say you have a " fiance".  I am sure you are aware that in several States you have a "husband".  In Texas living together, purchasing and or estasblishing a home together, having a child together, living together for over a year, allowing someone even one time to believe you are a married couple are all ground for the State to declare your relationship a "Common Law Marriage" if ever you separated. \n\nPerhaps you will recall the guilt you are suffering the next time you are tempted to cheat and will not do it again.  You made a statement that is very confusing to me, "... this relationship couldn"t get any better!" obviously it could.  Why would you be tempted to cheat if the relastionship was so perfect and you were aware of it.  I believe a problem exist and the two of you should try to find it.  You have an emotional need that is not being met and that is what you should have communicated before you cheated.  It is not too late to begin communicating those needs now becuase those are the things you two together can fix.\n\nThe time you would spend telling him about somthing neither of you can change should be spent trying to discover the real reason you cheated in the first place and fix it.  I do not think perfect relationships exist and good relationships are hard to come by.  It seems to me your relationship is worth saving and protecting and I do not think telling will make the relationship better or preserve it.  Good luck.
1150805
I want my husband to be open and honest with me especially when things like that happened. It is where trust could grow more and more. Marriage, if not guarded by both couples, could be in danger with innocent acts like that. You might say that there is no wrong with that but most of the times, worse things started in little things. Be honest and open with your wife. Open communication could help to maintain a healthy marriage.\nOne more thing I would like to add. Are you and your wife are best friends too? If not yet, better make each other best of friends to whom you could tell your secrets, open your ideas and feelings, and share your daily experiences...
1167271
i say go with your heart dont accuse right from the start ask questions over and over and wait for him to slip if hes cheating hell slip sooner or later what ever you do dont come out and say i think your cheatin ask more direct questions like why did it take so many phone calls before you returned one or where were you on tuesday at 7 etc
720004
i've been wanting to tell my husband that i am having an affair & i want him to help me to get out of it before it's too late but i can't tell him that 'coz it would really hurt him so much & i don't want to loose him & so i am trying my very best to get out of this mess...  = (
630775
Well, that's a hard one.\n\nOf course I would want to know.  Honesty is the most important part of a relationship.\n\nHowever, if the person has cheated, I would have a hard time sticking to the marriage plans.  I don't tolerate cheaters.  Or liars for that matter.
623681
Well I guess I would have to say something - oh sorry wrong room so hed be sure he saw me.  I would leave with my head held high and never speak or acknowledge him again.  If he tried to talk to me or even act like he knew me - I would respond with i think you have me mistaken with someone else - never give him the satifaction of thinking you ever knew him at all because obviously - you didn't.  People that cheat also lie and steal.  Who needs that in there life.  I am sure it hurt like haties.  At least that is what i think i would do - good luck to you - that was a tuff one
613276
Under normal circumstances I would say never.  However, you obviously disagree because if you didn't, you wouldn't be asking.  \n  Considering this, I would use the following...cheat on me once, shame on me. Cheat on me twice, shame on you.
109638
Wow, some of the people that anwered this question, seems to be very judgmental! I mean in a perfect world nobody should cheat on anybody or willingly engage in an affair. However; in real life people make REALLy bad choices. This is all part of life. I hope you learned something from this. It does sound like you feel guilty. Someone who dosn't feel guilty would'nt give a rat's a** about the wife. Telling the wife is wrong!!! If you feel guilty, (as you should) you need to deal with it! Don't ease your guilt by hurting this woman more then you have.  \n\nThis is their problem, not yours. You really need to stay out of their marriage.\n\nTake some advice from someone who has proberly made every mistake known to mankind...Stay away from him and never speak to the wife. \n\nGood luck and this really doesn't make you a "bad" person. It just means you need to work on self control.
514916
Unfortunately...yes.  Somethings are better left undisturbed and kept private.  Granted doing so might tear things a part but in situations like unto that letting out the secret would probably have done the same anyway.  In reality everyone has secrets.  You can only hope that you can develop a deep enough relationship with your spouse to where the content of them matters less then the keeping and thereby renders secrets moot.
1174404
What do you want me to tell him?
826992
if i wanted a chance if i were the cheater, i would acknowledge i had done a wrong, i would agree to go to counciling, i would show remorse, and allow them to communicate their hurt, no matter how many times they wanted to talk about it. and i would never say i loved the person i cheated with, even if i had. the only love i would express was to my husband. i would never give them any reason to think i was cheating, meaning i would be where i said i was, i would never leave the house without saying where i was going, and i would make him the most important one in my life, and there would be alot of communication telling him my love for him.
98011
I would tell him that I'm not up for such an open relationship, and that if he wasn't ready to be with me exclusively, then we couldn't be together. That would be the end of that relationship. Sorry guys but I'm not about to give you permission to practically cheat on me.
11555
Honesty is the best policy. Tell your spouse how you are feeling and what has been going through your mind. Then go in together and get some good marital counseling. Oh, and getting rid of the computer until the health of your marriage recovers is indeed a good idea.
603176
I would be both. Probably stew about it and keep asking myself why I didn't say this or say that. Perhaps in most cases it is better to not say what you wanted to say simply because it could cause more anomisity and hostility.
226061
Ok there are many people who are aghast at the idea of cheating let alone telling......\n\nI will share my personal experience and you (Asker) and the rest of the folks can then determine what you all think is right, best etc.. for your own lives.\n\nIn THEORY, we were supposed to take our marriage vows to mean that we stated before God (or however you believe) that you would Love, Honor etc.. NOT CHEAT!  AGREED, those were the vows I took.\n\nNext we have REALITY.. we have both partners working 40-70 hours a week, if you have children, that diminishes your alone time more than that and IF you had a 'perfect life' which hey, guess what - doesn't exist.. and HOW is it possible to meet each other's needs - physcially or emotionally in a RELATIVELY decent timely manner?  It isn't.. and most marriages would say 'it's really hard'.  That isn't an excuse - it's fact.  Look at our divorce rate/cheating rate!\n\nI had an open marriage, and the agreement was that I could see other people with some very basic ground rules.. that I respected throughout the marriage and we divorced and remain friends today.  Do I *AGREE* with what I did - and the 'righteousness' of it all?  No, I do not.  If presented with the same scenario again in my life, would I exercise that freedom, No, I would not... HOWEVER..to make this crystal clear - not ONCE did I LIE to my Ex-hubby about what I was doing or with whom.  It's not right in God's eyes in the 'marriage' contract, but at the end of the day, I felt I did that with the BEST dignity possible toward my mate.. if it had to be that way (and he was pushing me to do it), then the least I could do was be honest/honorable about it.\n\n50% of marriages have a cheating partner, and I think that in order for us all to recognize that, we have to get off our 'soap boxes' about the holier than thou attitudes because guaranteed, one of you is probably getting cheated on who answered this post.  It is a very REAL problem and almost as many women as men are out there cheating today!\n\nWhen the Asker asked - would you tell him?  I believe that if she wants that marriage to work....... YES she needs to tell him. HE IS OWED THAT HONESTY/RESPECT! They need to be honest with each other to have the opportunity to rebuild their marriage...and she cannot do that 'holding this in'.  Guilt eats at your very soul, and while yes it will hurt him and them, if they have any hope of fixing it, she needs to fess up.  If it's broken for good, she's probably prepared for that, as she knows that 'she screwed up' by doing what she did, and SHE ALONE has the guilt and forgiveness to ask for from both spouse and her God.  \n\nI do believe I did the best I could do at the time and I am not proud of myself in certain areas, and I did learn some valuable lessons.. that maybe weren't conventional lessons, but nonetheless hard lessons, that I hope to pass on to other people in situations before they 'go there' or to 'offer the I have been there' part and help them heal, versus passing the judgement.  People feel bad enough, they don't need the morality crap thrown at them.  That's my 2 copper, feel free to sling the immoral and hate mail my way.. /shrug..