Guys....Is it better to confess an affair to my spouse or wait and see if I get exposed?
459736
Now what do you think ? Why would you ever tell him if there is no way for him to know, Put it behind you ask GOD to forgive you and move on. If you tell him it is over.Believe me men never let it go,they may say they can but it is something about their ego it just eats them up. Do not tell him
324567
Firstly: tell your wife if you are certain now. You don't want to try to figure this out alone. I wonder why if you told your wife about her friend's behavior your wife didn't respond well... Odd. Secondly: Are you SURE that she wants to get with you? Maybe you're misinterpreting her. But if you're definitely sure, then, after telling your wife, just avoid the other woman. \n\nAll of the above is assuming you don't want to cheat on your wife. If you do, then....I guess you don't have any problems then, do you?
772822
Under marriage & divorce - we can only assume you cheated.  It will probably go away in time...who knows how long...only you can say.  Hey, it happened for a reason...maybe he did something unkind to push you into it?  It may not have been all your fault?  \n\nDon't tell your hubby, that will only make matter worse and then he can bring it up years from now during an argument.  Confessing to him may make you feel better, but it will definately make him feel worse.  Short term it may work...long term it sucks.  \n\nThe good new is that the guilt will fade away a little more each day.  If you really need to share this with someone, then go to a church and share it with God.  Good luck.
135045
Friends - yes\n\nlovers - no \n\n\nBUT - if you have to hide that friend from your spouse, then something is wrong.... any friendship whether it be with a male or female should not be something you need to hide or feel guilty about (because you aren't doing anything wrong!)
792426
Reverse the situation--what would you do if you found out your husband was cheating on you with your best friend?  \nIf your answer is "I'd join in", forget I answered your question.  \nBut if your answer is something like "I'd leave him", think about the consequences if your husband ever found about your indiscretions.
1127634
No...you shouldn't tell him, nor should you be involved or get involved with him. So long as he is married there is that chance no matter how slim that he could reconcile with his wife, and you shouldn't be there to make that impossible or harder for him to do. You are also only opening yourself up to hurt by being involved...best to stay away.
884169
I would have to say that you were snooping so if you bring it up, she will know that.  You should really wait to get hard cold proof if you are going to accuse her.  Good Luck!
879220
Keep your mouth shut and don't do it again!  You can't ease your guilty conscious by telling him, it will only hurt him and cause him to make a choice he may or may not be able to live with. My husband cheated on me once and then four years later he decided to tell me.  I was devastated but I have never had a jealousy problem and I told him that when we were married (most people are not like me).  I told him right from the beginning that I really didn't care because if he loved me than he would stay with me and if he didn't than I never had him to begin with so I would be better off.  I just felt betrayed that he did it with my friend, when I was pregnant with our son and worst of all--he was only telling me to ease his conscious, after four years.  It didn't change anything except that now I know he did it and it is always on my mind.  If you really love him than realize your mistake and don't do it again and for god's sake don't tell him.
819125
i just answer the same quistion,[excpt the brother already found out]ok. i would applogize and be ashamed of my self for doing so and stop having the affair.
839499
I think you already know what you have to do.  You have to confront him.  It's scary because he might admit to cheating, but then you will know what needs to be fixed.  If you don't talk to him this will eat away at you and your marriage, and worst of all that will affect your kids.  Don't mention the evidence at first.  Just ask him if he has been cheating.  Then if he denies cheating, bring up the things you found.  This will leave him no time to think abou the answer.\n\nOn a personal note:  I wish you the best of luck.  I hope he isn't cheating, for everyone's sake.
1048646
Don't listen to your friends.  Enjoy the secret love affair, life's too short not to...though it doesn't sound so secret if your friends know.  Since you work in different departments it's no big deal.  If you worked in the same office on the same floor then it might be a big deal.  If you really care for this woman and she cares for you then shut out the negative remarks that others make about it.  It's no ones business but your own.  You have to remember, YOU ARE BOTH ADULTS....repeat....BOTH ADULTS.  Hopefully everything will work out.  If it doesn't then you have to remember you are both adults and will handle it in a professional manner.  You're not little children (Hello.)  \n\nYour friends are jealous....YES, they are...and PETTY also.  Shame on them!  They should be happy for you.  It's really sad they had to come down on you like that.  \n\nAlso, I know of lots of couples that met through work and fell madly in love, got married and are still married to this day.  It's wonderful.  Please don't listen to your so called friends....who I wouldn't call friends at all.  Also, you should not have made it any of their business in the first place.  And shame on you for that part!\n\nOne additional note:  Since you are already having the affair this is a senseless question to ask at this stage.  You should have asked it before you started the affair.  What difference will it make now.  Therefore, you might as well enjoy it.
3255
Such a difficult question!  I ought to know.  This is the situation I am in.  I have filed.  In my case, this was not just one offense.  Even though this was the first "technical" adultery, i.e. the first in-flesh fornication (that I know of!), there have been years of infidelity in one form or another, e.g. viewing of pornography, visiting strip clubs, socializing with women w/out me.  I found out about all these things very much after the fact, as I was lied to for many years, beginning during our courtship.  There was much emotional and psychological abuse.  He has no respect for me.  I hung in there all this time and worked my hardest to make things better, including making him go to marriage counseling, because I personally believed it was my duty due to the covenant I had made with God.  ...but this for me was the last straw, and by God's merciful permissive will, this choice is provided for in scripture.  I hope you have not suffered in this way, but if you have....as excruciating as I know it is....have courage to leave him.  Maintain your self-respect while you still can.  Hold him accountable for his actions, once and for all.  If he truly changes and becomes a reformed person, it will become obvious, and perhaps you can one day reconcile.  If he doesn't...well, then, you are better off.  Now, if on the off chance that you have had a very healthy marriage and this was, as far as you know, a single transgression (...rather than a relationship or multiple cases of adultery.  In my husband's case..this was a six month emotional attachment and relationship, involving much debauchery, too), it would of course be desireable to God if you could reconcile, particularly if there are children involved.  ..but seek wise counsel.  His true remorse and commitment to real change is imperative.  Either way, seek counsel for yourself.  The trust that has been breached will take years to rebuild.  Above all, be good to yourself.  There is NO excuse for his choice.  God bless..and be strong.
169789
In my opinion, I don't think it is ever right to cheat on your spouse, regardless of the situation. If the marriage is bad, you have two choices; fix it or get out of it. Cheat on it is not an option. Keep you integrity and tell your spouse you're feelings. If they are unable to help you, it's probably already too late to fix it. Personally, I would never recommend divorce. I always say fix it.
522118
You are asking for trouble. You will betray your wife, and even if she doesn't find out (which she probably will) your relationship will never be the same. A lot of girls flirt with married men (sometimes because it is easy because they are unavailable), so if she is just flirting you may also lose a nice friendship with your neighbor. Either way, she doesn't have anything to lose, and you have everything to lose. You could end up having both women throwing you out on your ear - and you would deserve it. You would be a lot better off not flirting back and not spending time alone with her.
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
135389
really depends if you want to keep ur relationship, is best to keep it to yourself. Some truths are best untold. Unless you've decide to bring ur relationship to higher level of trust, then find the right time to confess... be ready to get hurt, but its worth it~ she'll understand... after dat, make sure u stop doing it again... Ur Choice =)
796520
The dishonesty will ruin your life.  You need to make a decision.  Your husband deserves to be with a woman who will honor him, and you can't lead a happy, healthy life with this type of deception.  Make up your mind who you want to be with, and commit to them.  Alternatively, you can choose to be single and see as many guys as you want.  It's up to you - just live with integrity so no one will be hurt.  I would also encourage you to seek counseling to figure out why you would set up such a destructive situation in your life.  You know that only bad can come of this, for all concerned.  You also need to protect the innocent party here - which is your husband.  If you feel the need for confession to ease your guilt, go to a clergyperson.  Do not hurt your husband, just to ease your mind.  I know you are going to do the right thing.  I can tell from your post.  We've all made mistakes in life.  The key is to recognize our mistakes, correct them, move on, and don't repeat them.\nGood luck and a big hug,\n-Ginger