my boyfriend is a compulsive lair and has been for years how can i help him stop?
456531
Unfortunately, I don't think you can stop him.  My wife has bi-polar mood disorder and when she is at her worst she will lie beyond belief.  When confronted she sticks to the story and demands proof.  Even when confronted with the facts and proof she either sticks to her story or tries to twist the facts to fit her situation.\n\nAs I said, I know she has a mental condition and I understand sometimes that affects it.  However, I have found out that very fortuantely we can't do much about liers.  Instead, either learn to live with it, work around it, or move on.
236389
Confronting him is the best way.  Doing it without involving too many emotions and making clear where he is wrong in that behavior makes it inargueable for him.  Tell him you won't put up with that kind of behavior again.  It really works.
326603
Honestly just give him time. He needs to learn that he can trust you and the only way hes going to do that is by spending time with you. Eventually he will realize you're not trying to hurt him. Do fun things together like playing sports or going camping. Talking about it will always help. LEt him know that you're there to listen and will do anything he needs. but if this presist for more than a few months then id tell him to see a doctor because he prolly has a chemical inbalance.
597721
hahahaaaa!  from the perspective of the video gaming boyfriend, rip ur clothes off and jump between him and the screen. or, have him choose betwixt the gaming and you, or go out places once in a while where their aint games, or, buy some games that BOTH of you can play and annoy him by being on his computer all the time so he wants to game less wen ur around : P
481732
Calmy approach him and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable to hear him speak that way.  Ensure him that in no way are you trying to control his mouth, nor do you want to take away his feedom of speech.  Just let him know that his behavior is having a negative effect on your mood and you're afraid that such negativity may affect your relationship with him.  If he accepts your words and makes a conscious effort to change--and remember, it's not going to happen over night--then I'm sure you guys will be fine.  If not, however, then maybe "Mr. Potty-mouth" isn't the man for you.
1113585
I think he's a control freak and you're a fool for keeping him around. Send him packing and find somebody you can trust, somebody who'll treat you right.
335142
thanks for answering my question! (first of all).. now to help ypu with yours.. COMMUNICATION is key.. nobody can know everything about someone.. he is acting like he has OCD or someting... you know things that you remember and admire about folks.. not their whole self.. because that is an illusion.. it can totally change at any given moment when a person changes their mind. dont let him be so controlling.. tell him to go with the flow and if you dont know or REMEMBER everythng about him.. IT'S NOT LIFE OR DEATH! LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP..
968551
Sweetheart, that's a rotten way to live and millions do it everyday..if it is just a question of you liking quiet time in the morning (like me) then ignore the questions and comments and they will get the hint..\ngive off the right vibe and you'll get through. (picture yourself as a skunk or something unapproachable...nobody messes with THEM until they  wanna be messed with)\nIf it runs deeper than that, move out or make him move out, you have to feel safe and comfortable in your shelter or it's not shelter anymore.\nGood Luck
366239
Talk to him and if he doesn't stop... get rid of him. Believe me, I've seen what it can do, not pretty!
910454
Your problem is an example of one of those problems that one puts up with for too long, because it seems like a smaller problem than it really is, and because to a normal person, your requests for change seem so reasonable (and they are).  I've been a clinical social worker for about 8 years, and I've seen this problem.  But I'll tell you up front that there is no real "cure" for the situation you're in.  \n\nIt's a big deal if you can't trust your mate.  It's stressful.  You have to think and plan and act for two (him and you), rather than for just yourself, and you can't count on him to pitch in if something comes up.  For these reasons and more, you don't trust him anymore.  \n\nYou may even wonder if he's doing it deliberately for some reason.  Sadly, in many situations like this, the unreliable person is doing it on purpose, because you've brought it to his attention, right?  If your bf was more trustworthy earlier in your relationship than he is now, why would that be?  Is he ill, or experiencing pressures so great that he simply cannot cope with ordinary competence?  If not, it's likely that he's being passive-aggressive.  \n\nOne of the things that I'm sure that keeps your head spinning is that he claims "it was just an accident," "it's no big deal," "I won't do it again," and you want to believe him, but it just gets worse.  \n\nSuch behavior is common enough that mental health professionals are studying it further for possible inclusion in diagnostic books (such as the ICD and the DSM).  The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) calls it Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder, or Negativistic Personality Disorder.  \n\nThe cardinal features of this disorder are intentional ineffectiveness and unacknowledged hostility, evidenced by:\n\n--appearing superficially submissive and cooperative.\n--will not say "no" to a request, but indirectly expresses resistance to demands by thwarting and frustrating authorities, spouses, and partners.  \n--frequent negative communication including "backhanded compliments," subtle attacks, blaming others for problems, insulting, complaining/whining, and fault-finding, especially when confronted.\n--denial of most emotions (particularly negative ones), denial of own role in conflicts.\n--displays ambivalence about responsibilities and commitments.\n--frequently sullen, envious and resentful of others.\n--sabotages obedient behavior with tardiness, dawdling, sloppiness, "accidental" errors, procrastination, forgetfulness, incompleteness, withholding of critical information, and an excessively leisurely work pace.  \n\nOf course everybody displays a few of these occasionally, but if your bf practices several of these behaviors or attitudes consistently over time, and it causes problems with employers or mates, then it's a problem.  Hints: If there is a spotty work history, mysterious "layoffs" or firings from work, and few close friends, you can bet he plays this game with others too.  \n\nWhat could your bf be getting out of this behavior?  At least two things.  By being a screw-up, he guarantees that people won't burden him with responsibilities.  Also, this may be a lifelong habit of his, a thing that he does to get sub rosa revenge on people whose demands annoy him.  It may have started with his parents, and he never quit.  \n\nMy heart goes out to you, because the one thing you request -- "What can I do to help him change this?" is the one thing you can't do.  You can't change him.  He must change himself.  You might be able to facilitate this change, but it will require you to stick your neck out, take risks, and uncompromisingly stand up for yourself.  \n\nAre you willing to end this relationship if your bf doesn't change his behavior?  Or are you willing to have a boyfriend and possible fu
815025
He is a control freak though he must be quite insecure for him to act this way.  Presumably you have confronted him with his demons and asked him why he acts the way he does towards you. And I would imagine that you have told him that you are not happy with how things are between you.  \n\nYou have allowed yourself to be manipulated for 6 years and have done nothing about it, so I presume you were head over heels with your boyfriend. It is so hard to see a person for what they really are when you have an all consuming passion for someone. However, thank goodness you have woken up to the fact that he taking over your life and not allowing you to be yourself.\n\nJust imagine how unhappy you would be if you decided to marry this man. Gradually his possessiveness will turn to violence believe me. Especially if you started a family as he would not be allow you to share your love with anyone else.\n\nYou are your own person with a job and independence, so use that you your advantage and start saving some money so that you do not have to be dependant on him. Can you go back to your folks until you get your life sorted out?. I am sure they will welcome you with open arms, until you have sorted your life out.\n\nPlease do not leave it until you have reached the point of no return and do not let him use the emotional blackmail bit by telling you he will kill himself if you leave him. Be strong for everyones sake and go now...that's if that is what you want and feel there is no way of salvaging this relationship.\n\nAll the best to you my dear. Ax
343733
Tough one, I knew someone like that and they are stubborn, that is their nature.  Well, you could have close friends that  that person respecs and know that would not do anything to hurt him all sit in a room and tell him the problem, be honest, speak with love, and he may not be open right away, but it will help in the long run, it creates a lasting impression that all your friends thought it was a problem enough to get together and tell him about it.  Change is slow in a human, especially when the behavior started a long time ago.
316759
Ask him if it's you, or is there anything you can do to ease his troubled mind.  If he says no, then its best to leave him alone, go out with your girly pals until he gets over it.  trust me, once he's sulking all alone in a dark apartment for hours with his pathetic poor-me bullshit, and starts to imagine you playing 3-D naked twister with your girlfriends, he'll get over that imature I-Me-Mine game real quick!
1064463
You REALLY NEED to leave him...it is ABSOLUTLY the best thing to do.  In the long run you will be much better off!!!  You don't need to help him...he (at some point) needs to help himself and he may need to come to a very low point in his life for that to happen but that is usually what motivates people to change and get help.  Best to you!!!
1159686
first of all he needs to "GET IT" he needs to get how he is hurting you and changing you, and you and only you can do that! so you need to sit down and and tells him everything dont even leave a fly out just get it all off and if he dont care then hes not worth it any more. you sound perfeclly normal and im sure you are very beautiful  , you should never give up on your self no matter what because there are people that loves you to death and its like giving up on them...you cant controll the way people treat you but you can controll how you react. dont trap your self with the thought that if this relationship is over then your life is over...i think if this over then its time for a make over and a fresh new start...wont that be super my beautiful?!
1128574
It just sounds like your OCD is getting too in the way of things.  Have you considered a self-help group?  If yu go to my blog I have several websites that might point you in the right direction.
640866
the best way to get even is to "ACT" psycho and obsessed.give him hell.make it your mission to find everything out about him his friends and family and his personal details and numbers and just give it to him.call him constantly,send him cards,be really sweet,sort of like the girl in how to loose a guy in 10 days.\n\nyes ive done this once and it satisfied me,i have REDEEMED MYSELF SISTA.he did change all his details and had to run and hide the torment worked well.THE ULTIMATE PAYBACK IS CLINGINESS THEY HATE IT.