How do I deal with divorce after 4 years of desperately trying to make it work???
465915
You're going to be just fine. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. As you rebuild your life, do the things you want, get to know yourself all over again. Someday you'll look back on this and be amazed at how well you've done with your new life. What are you waiting for....your new life is waiting for you...go for it.
87880
Unfortunately, hon, there is nothing you can do  except stand beside both and be there to pick up the pieces and help them move on.  Try not to take sides, but stay neutral because they will both still be in your life.  Divorce is hard on all involved all the way around.  Sorry I couldn.t be of any other assistance.  May God Bless - Take care.
1155505
Part of the therapy for getting over a divorce is to re-join the "human race".  With a divorce, we go through "separation anxiety" ... and that is a very miserable condition.\n\nDon't feel that you have to leap at the first opportunity to date ... but don't shy away from one that interests you.  Ease back into it, maybe by starting out going out with a group of friends, then a couple friends, then venturing out on your own.\n\nThere is no generally-accepted timeframe for waiting.  Let your own heart and needs determine that.  Just be cautious about "rebounding" and jumping into a worse relationship than the one you just left ... just because "it's there" and you're hurting.
534696
just one word of advice! You sound young, i got married at 19, and am about to get divorced (i'm 20) we rushed into things wayyyyy too fast. We barely knew each other well enough to move in together and be married. Take things slow! Stay engaged awhile!
690830
Have you been to counseling? Maybe you should consider that before filing for divorce. If you think the marriage is beyond repair, I suggest finding the best divorce attorney you can.
637179
Been there done that...whats up with the 23rd year...Its alot of years, you'll never forget the past, my marriage was great the first 20 years, but I could see the dis-interest building as the months after pasted by...and she too felt she was no longer in love with me, however I later found out her interests were directed toward another...suggestions..Seek marriage council advice, put forth a 100% effort to resolve such conflict, and if it doesn't turn out happily ever after, if there ever was an ideal time to be single , its with a good job, no mortgage and your child a grown adult...very simular to my situation...its was 2 yrs separated and 3 years since divorce and those conditions were blessings in disguise.
763196
I'm sorry you parents are getting a divorce! My parents divorced when I was 19 it's a very difficult thing espally when your older because your whole life they were together and now their not gonna be! Its gonna be a difficult time for you but like for me my life sucked for a couple years my life was so off balance I couldn't work or anything I didn't even have a place to stay! But I'm a truebeliver that everything happens for a reason like this! Its gonna be tough but stand by both your parents strong and focus on you I know how hard that seems right now but seriously ! They are starting their lives over by getting divorce and moving on with life without another! So you need to move on focus on you & your future ! Be strong it will  take time to get your life back but you will!
635280
Wow, this is tough...I think that it's tough because of the children, if you were a childless couple then I would say move on but when there are kids involved it's not that easy. How long were you together before you got married? It must not have been long because you say that this is a personality type that your not accustomed too and if you were with her for awhile you would have seen her true personality.\n\nIt seems to me that your in a quandary and the only advice I can give to you is counseling. If she is unwilling to go you need to go by yourself so that you are able to make well thought out decisions. I lived for 15 yrs. with a man that had no personality and he was very hard on the kids. I put up with this dysfunctional behavior for a long time and when I did leave it was hard but in the end it all worked out and it was worth the struggles we went through. The reason why I am telling you this is sometimes marriages do not work out and most of the time it is for the better. I am not telling you to give up on your marriage but if she is unwilling to compromise then that maybe the answer. I wish you the best of luck with your decisions.
680869
First and foremost, did you talk to her about this? If you have done this and many other things to save the marriage but nothing has changed, show up with divorce papers and tell her you want a divorce. But I suggest you talk things over first.
790734
The very first thing you must realize is that you will not die because of divorce. It has happened to millions of people before you and it will happen to millions of people after you.\n\nAlthough divorce cause severe emotional pain, you must believe that you will get over it. Of course, it takes time, but you will eventually recover and find love again. It is very important that you understand this.\n\nIt is crucial to understand that the marriage is over. It is vital that you immediately let go of the other person and begin setting your own life in order.\n\nYou must not think about pain or dwell upon what was yesterday. The more you think about the past the worse it will hurt, and the longer it will take for you to recover. \n\nYou must think about yourself. You cannot allow yourself to just sit and waste away. You need to take hold of yourself and go on living. \n\nIn order to counter bad feelings, you must keep yourself busy - clean your house, wash your car, write out a budget, study or go to work. Keep yourself moving and working on the kinds of things that make you happy.\n\nIt is extremely important that you express the feelings of anger you are carrying or they will eat you alive. The best way to deal with anger is to know exactly what you are angry about and then choose the most suitable way to express your anger to the person that has made you angry. \n\nAnother important thing in recovering from a divorce is to eliminate the feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly as they come into sight. Simply tell yourself that your marriage did not work out. You must forget about your ex as quickly as you possibly can! \n\nOf course all of this is much easier said than done, but these things you must do, and you must do them right away. \n\nTo recover from the trauma of divorce, you must allow enough time for the healing process to be completed and be positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you.
337196
ask for joint custody. thats the only thing i can say or else go to counsleing to work on the marriage. do not i repeat do not stay together for the kids. it will only hurt the kids in the long run.
1060629
I'm going through the same thing. Just think about how much happier they will be when they finally get a divorce. Nothing is your fault, and there isn't much you can do to help. I'm so sorry. It can be really hard to go through this. Find a friend that you can talk to. That helps the most out of everything.
229046
i would say give him a little more time cuz i understand where he is coming from getting married after a divorce is scary. every relationship you have your afraid that it will turn out like the divorce. dont leave him becuz he wont marry you explain to him you wan tto be married and you'll give him say another year and if he can't marry you by then you need to go your seperate ways. if he doesn't understand or appreciate where you are coming from then it wasn't ment to be. sorry i hope i helped.
914367
Mixed emotion, clouded mind, dark roads, all can seem a bit scary. But did you know that you hold the key to your new tomorrow? In your own hands you hold your life and the life of your kids. You also have the keys, flash light and map for your tomorrow.\n\nAfter the divorce you are given new powers to re-write your life story and tell it to the world how you want it to be heard. Divorce will bring you freedom. You are free to move on. Do not be like the elephant on a chain. A trained elephant has been chained and conditioned to only move about (by the limitations of the chain). Once the chain is taken off, the elephant does not run free because they have convinced them self that they are  still chained up. Do not let your past haunt you like this. You are a free woman. Get up and move about and explore the world you have been dying to see.\n\nThink not of yesterday or the what could have been, learn to live in the moment of today. Embrace your new freedom.
622887
I was in a similar marriage for 22 years.  My divorce was final in October of last year.  I am now dating a fabulous guy.  If you are interested in someone in particular, go out with him.  You have wasted enough of your life on your loser husband.  Now is your time girl!  Good luck!  Have fun!  Respect yourself enough to never accept that kind of treatment from anyone ever again!
897928
DAY at a TIME. If you still love him then try reverse psychology. Be nice to him, agree with what he says, and he will not know what to do or say. Be mature and tell him, ....OH, I am so tired of us not getting along...it is so old. Interfere in your life? He is still part of your life because of the kids, and he will always be a part. Try it, what could it hurt? I went through the same things, my kids would say....she wants us to call her mom... Then I said ...how lucky...you have two moms. ... And honey, if something were to happen to me, then she would take care of you. IT works !!  I used psychology to get control of any situation..  Oh  and if you want to get him back , just tell him.. I had a dream of us, when we first met, do you remember or say positive things, like...the kids did something today and it reminded me of you, they sure are just like their father. If you are still married, there is still hope if that is what you really want. Good Luck !
337141
I say quit feeling sorry for your self,get off your butt and get a job.There are no guarantees in this life except Death and Taxes. Most men aren't better off financially after a divorce especially if they have to find,rent,buy a new place to live. they also have all the other expenses to pay for; gas,electric,garbage,phone,car payment now add on 25% of his pay to pay for his children from the same pay check as before. You just want to take advantage of the system and your ex-husband. Start a Day Care Center your self. If you work out of your home the state will have to check it out. To get State funds you have to provide a monthly menu and only have the amount of children allowed  based on square feet of your home you have.