This is for anyone who 's spouse is an alcoholic?
456201
I know exactly what you are going through!  I've been married to an alcoholic for the past 23 years.  He has always worked and provided for us.  We have two children, one who is grown already(22) and a son who is 13.  You need to sit with him and have a heart to heart talk with him, when he is not drinking (that's very important).  He sounds like a good man with a problem, just like my husband.  If you continue to let this go, even though it's already affecting you, believe me, things will change and not for the better.  After so many years, our marriage has gone down the drain, he even left me for another woman for several months. (A woman that drank and partied with him, of course).  He's back home with me but it's never going to be the same, because he's still drinking even though he's detoxed several times now.  I wish you the best of luck.  And one more very important thing.  Make sure you have resources to take care of yourself and your children.  I was left without any, and I'm making sure this never, ever happens to me again.  I won't allow it.  Take charge of yourself, because if he doesn't change, it's not going to get easier.  Take it from a pro. If need be, look up an Al-Anon meeting in your area.  They are very good in making you realize ways you can help yourself.  If anything do this for your kids.  Even though they may be mentally challenged and he doesn't drink around them, doesn't mean it's not going to affect them.  They are still young, but they won't be for long.  And if this affects you, it will definitely affect them.  Children have a sense of when their mommy is not happy.  Believe me.
1003487
Record your calls if possible. Then you can hear when you're sober what you are saying and in what tone. It is possible he is trying to play some kind of guilt trip. Keep in mind though, that some people do become angry drunks. Some mellow, some cry, some get mad. I noticed in my earlier years that the mood I am in at the time I have a drink seems to be escalated if I continue to drink. If it is an issue with the alcohol, then why not stop? If he is this great love of your life, which would you rather have the bottle or him? Plus if you have an issue with the alcohol, think about what may happen if you do get married and have children?
926924
Get her out of there.  I'm sorry about the money, but you don't sound like you're having that much fun.  Alcohol destroys brain cells.  You want to see her sober again while it's still possible.  Like you said, she has a problem.  You don't.  How fortunate she is to have a compassionate son!  It's not your fault that she's drunk.  But, this is a situation you might be able to do something about.
869824
NO!  All you ahve to do is picture the HORROR of when he was Living in the Home and you had to deal with that mess every day -- day in and day out ...\n\nOH, DEFINITELY NO!  Do you want to co-dependent and enable this jerk to be his Alcoholic Self all his life and be abused in the process, then PUT YOUR and YOUR DAUGHTER's Life in Danger by DRIVING while Drunk with BOTH of you in the Car?\n\nNO!!!!  Tell him to GO -- NEVER let this back into your home IF you value YOUR life and the LIVES of your CHILDREN!
288309
Tell him he has a problem and that he needs to get help if he "is not able to".  \n\nIf he still doesn't do anything after that to try and kick his alcoholism, dump him.
457749
Hello, my name is Alex and I'm an alcoholic. Wait. Wrong meeting. Lets start over.\n\nHello, my name is Alex and I'm a Yahoo Answers-aholic.
666958
Similar situation, but no booze involved. Just country folks. My hubby's family, burps, farts, pick their noses at the dinner table, etc... It grosses us out (I say us because my hubby didn't realize exactly how disgusting it was until we moved away from there 7 yrs ago). I am fortunate, that my husband reminds his family about these things before they visit us. Maybe if you talk to your husband he might do the same thing for you. It couldn't hurt. My hubby also does things like, if someone farts, or belches, he'll say, "Gross, excuse you", that kind of gets things back in check.. GOOD LUCK!!!
416267
May I give a freind your e-mail address? He's been drinking for years but keeps saying he wants to quit before he gets too old.\nAs for me I am a little mean to him, I won't buy him beer, I won't be around him if he is drinking and I won't even talk to him on the phone.He trys to make me feel guilty but I tell him if he wants to be around me be sober!\nI won't plead or beg him anymore, but I do pray for him.
146057
Women's shelters, friends, AA, family members, church help, etc.\n\nTake her somewhere & tell her it is only because you CARE that you want to help her.\n\nDon't make her feel like you are judging her about drinking but print off some info on the Internet for her about what it does to your liver, your skin, etc. Get her interested in activities with her kids in the evening so she can't drink so much. Just sit down and talk to her, calmly, with a  compassionate heart and all the caring & love in the world. It won't be easy but it is a start. Good luck!
1017588
You need to leave him. No one should have to live with an alcoholic and you cannot live with one. I am living proof. My father drank while I was growing up. My mother decided that she would be responsible for him if something happened to him (say he died outside) if she kicked him out and he didn't have anywhere to go. So she never really kicked him out. \n\nEmotionally I have been screwed up. In an alcoholic home you grow up not knowing what to expect-there is chaos all the time. You find ways to cope with your feelings and try to survive. An alcoholic's problem is not just limited to the alcoholic-it affects the whole family. Because I didn't have my father's love I ended up looking for love elsewhere. He did love me but that didn't makeup for the times when I needed him. I ended up being sexually abused because I went looking for the love I needed but never got.\n\nWhy do you want toput up with it? If you haven't seen the movie "When a Man loves a woman" with Meg Ryan please rent it. This will give you an idea of what life is like with an alcoholic. He will probably continue to cheat whether he did anything or not. Is this the way for your boyfriend to act? Why do you want to take the abuse? It has nothing to do with the fact that you don't drink with him. \n\nI would make a list of pros and cons and be totally honest about the relationship. See what you come up with. You may also want to try Al-Anon and possibly see a counselor and talk about your feelings and what is going on. \n\nHe is the alcoholic-he is responsible for himself. If he chooses to stay this way-he will make his bed and lay in it. \n\nTwo days out of the week doesn't sound that great. One thing to remember is that your children will see this and they themselves could have a problem as they grow older and I guarantee you that they will seek someone with the same behaviors that your boyfriend has. Why do they want to choose anyone else? What they will grow up with is what they will have been exposed to all their life and they will think the whole world is like that.\n\nI wonder if you came from the same sort of background. Its amazing that most of the people I work with came from families with alcoholic backgrounds. Its amazing that we survived but we have also paid a price. What about you? \n\nLife isn't perfect but it is what you make it. You cannot change what happened to you but you have the ability to change your life from this point on. We are responsible to ourselves #1. Do you call this living?\n\nLastly you may love and have feelings for him but that doesn't mean you need to put up with it. I told my husband that if he ever started drinking heavily I would divorce him in a heart beat. I grew up with it and I did not want to live that away again. I think you have to examine the answers why you continue to stay with him.\n\nLife is too dam short and you and your children will miss out on a lot of things. Your heart will heal over time as you go on with your life and provide as best you can for your children. But you need to go on with your life. Don't stop living for someone who is destroying your life and the people around him.
119788
I am.  Been going to AA a year.  He is.  I was totally functional, never missed work, etc.  But drank almost every night.\n\nGuidance lies in the answer to the following question:  Why does he drink at all?  What is the negative part of life that he wishes to escape from or at least numb every night?  For me, it was simply the world.  (Too many mean people, too many corrupt politicians, too many wars, too much stress, too many idiots, etc.)  But when one considers the negative ramifications of drinking, especially on health, finances and relationships, it is truly better to live life sober on life's terms.  The problem is that sounds like a miserable proposition to an alcholic.  The truth, though, is after going to AA for a while, the laughter starts to come back, the peace of mind, the serenity.  Life becomes a joy again that doesn't need to be numbed every night.\n\nGood luck!
93198
Well, I think you cannot control his drinking, no matter what you think.  I would say that daily drinking of that much certainly indicates a problem.  You could go to http://www.aa.org and there are some parts on there for people who are concerned about someone's drinking.  However, this is really about you, and my recommendation would be for you to check out Alanon.  You cannot cause, cure, or control someone else's drinking.  This is very difficult, for there is a level of denial on the part of the potential alcoholic and his or her partner.....
1158034
The pain isn't going to stop until you deal with your feelings, tell him how this has made you feel, and finally forgive him for what he did.  What happened in your marriage is a big thing - getting counseling would be a wise thing to do.  \nYour husband obviously has a drinking problem that needs to be dealt with.  If he knows he gets stupid when he drinks - why does he still drink?  Seeing a counselor would be a good thing for both of you and it will help you both communicate with eachother.
567630
Been right where you are and I certainly feel your pain.  Truth is I did take him back only to be broken yet again. We have been apart for three years now and my life is so much better while he is still up to his same tricks of abusing the next one. Alcoholic behavior and tendencies will not change.  10 months is certainly not long enough to heal old wounds he has.  There is a better life...I found one.  You and your children deserve to be treated with love and respect, not something to be knocked around or controlled in any manor.  I wish you all the best.
678010
My granfather was an alcoholic.... I say was because he died from it....the dr's kept tellin him to quit that he was going to die, but he didnt. Before he died he managed to get a mistress and be on his way to a divorce with the love of his life. He missed his daughter's graduation & wedding because he couldnt stay sober. He refused life insurance or insurance for his company so he left his family high and dry. And his son plans to punch him square in the nose when he "gets to heaven"... It gets worse.... this is just the basics. \nI hope you are able to forgive yourself and get help.
113933
I think you should support him as far as the stopped drinking part, but also let him know as long as he has contact with the other woman that there is not a chance in he$$ that you will ever commit to him or trust him again.  It takes two to make a marriage work not one and although he has made a few changes he has not yet made the most important one of completly cutting all ties with this other woman.
604398
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.