Been married for 10 years. I feel like I have lost touch with my wife. What should I do?
470924
Well if divorce is not an option, I can't help you.. Although a loveless marriage is no way to live, it would be better of separating and finding a new love, you can always visit or have your kids visit you...
142577
Well first let me say thank you for the job you are doing, I certainly can't believe it is all you had hoped for.\nAs for your wife, she sounds immature and selfish from what you say. You are already away from her and have been for three years, you don't say how long you were together before marriage to her. MY heart says leave her, kinda like you can't lose something you never had, kinda thing. If that makes any sense. This basically goes against alot of how I feel about marriage, though I certainly believe there are always mitigating factors to take into account.\n If you divorce her, you know longer will be smacking yourself upside the head and can get on with life. Yes you love her and that makes it hard to let go. To tell you the truth it sure can't be any harder than the thankless job you are doing right now, of which I commend you and those with you. \n I am truly sorry that your wife is so immature and refuses to discuss issues with you, but that should tell you something. This is just what I think because I hate like heck to see anyone suffer at the hands of another. Please take care and stay safe.
1171086
It sounds like you're lonely and craving an understanding and intimacy that you're not getting from you wife.  Before you make a huge decision that will alter yours and many other people's lives, really think about what you're thinking about doing.  My guess is that you and your wife had a very passionate relationship that cooled down after you married.  Once you married, life's monotonous routine got in the way of passion and communication.  Now you're looking outside the marriage for that spark.\n\nBefore you act, do yourself and your wife a favor and talk to her.  Be honest about your feelings.  Maybe her job/friends/family etc... consume all her energy.  Maybe you'll find that she's just as lonely as you are.  Give her a chance to work with you to make your marriage work.  If you feel you can't talk to her, then suggest couples counseling.  If that fails, then I would consider the possibility of ending the marriage.  But before making that decision, please please please give you and her a chance.  Don't give up yet!
1059086
Honestly, I'm not a marriage counselor or even close to it.  To me though, it sounds like maybe you and your husband aren't as connected on an emotional level if you ask me (which you did, haha).  Maybe the reason you feel this way for someone else is because you've lost those feelings for your husband.  I know it's hard, after marriage and two kids, but it's important to stay physically, emotionally, and mentally involved with each other.  Just try things like going on dates with your husband.  Try to reconnect with him and remember all of the reasons why you married him.  Maybe your husband has a great personality, wit, and a beautiful mind also.  Maybe you just need to remind yourself of it.
750980
have a good talk with your wife you can get in to a lot of trouble talking to a norther one so cool it talk to your wife let her know how you feel good luck
1045854
If you are married and feeling lonely, \nthere is a huge chance your wife is feeling the same way too.\nIs it ok for her to resolve the lonliness by cheating on you?\n\nHow much effort will you have to put into an affair?  How much danger is there it will backfire?\n\nWouldn't it be easier to "renew" your relationship with your wife?  I mean actually DATE your wife. \nIf you devote the same amount of time to your wife, minute for minute, hour for hour, that you would in seeking, establishing and carrying out and affair, you could easily renew and improve your marriage.\n\nYou can not do that while having PRIDE.\nGet rid of pride, woo your wife, flirt, date, and compliment her again, and\nI don't doubt she will melt in your arms\nand give you what you need in attention,\nreturned flirting, appreciation, and intimacy.\n\nYou will never fix your marriage by poking into the wrong places.\nYou need to turn into your marriage, and renew, and establish what you want.\nLOVE is not dead, it is just been neglected\nby one or both of you.  \nPay more attention to the girl you promised to take care of and love for better or worse.\n\nThen when you are old and fat and ugly, she will take care and stay loyal to you.\n\nI wish you love\nstw
36812
How long have you been married?  From a women's point view you def. need to talk with your wife, tell her your hopes and dreams for your marriage, let her know you still care and that you'll be there for her.  Why? Because you still love her.  But let her decide what she wants.  She said she needs time, give it to her, but don't lose touch with her.
1045415
I feel sorry for you. I think that she still loves and cares for you, but she has been emotionally drained from the marriage.\n\nWhen a woman is fed up she is fed up. Especially when she in truly in love and her partner is not returning the emotions. She can only keep trying for so long before she has to stop and think about if it is really worth it.\n\nI don't want to say but here it is" You should have treated her like a queen when you had her". It may be to little to late, but try and remain on good terms with her. She may just give you another chance. Just remember, if she does come back, don't fall into the routine of neglecting her feelings. If she leaves again, she may never come back.\n\nGood Luck!
945244
I'm so sorry about what has happened to you... *HUGS*... You have to think hard about everything. Weigh things carefully. Should you and your wife get back together, there should be love for each other.  The first thing that you have to do is to fix yourself, physically and emotionally. Get help from your family. I know how it feels to be hurting inside, not knowing what to do with the feeling. It kills you inside. You want to cry but crying isn't enough to let your feelings out. Just fix yourself first. More importantly, fix yourself emotionally. From there, you'll know what to do next...
319551
My suggestion would be to start all over, let me explain.  When you were dating, before kids, before the wedding, what did you do?  Did you enjoy going to dinners?, movies?, hiking?  Whatever it was that brought you two to the point of falling love do it again.  Send the kids to grandma's for the weekend, get a babysitter for friday night and go to dinner.  Sure, it may feel a little weird the first few times you go out, but that's because you haven't done it in a while.  Start slow and build from there.  There's no majic trick to finding the spark again, you need to work at it, but it will come!  Remind yourself, and your spouse, why you fell in love and got married. \n\nHope this helps!
1018598
You know what? I don't think it is fair what some of the others have said..i think it is entirely possible to lose abit of that...and what you need to do is relive a lot of the past...remember a lot fo the romantic things you did for him and sneak those things back in to your repetoire...by that I mean...I sent my wife an Easter card when she went back to see her family in South America and she loved it..my wife and I started off by writing and emailing and while we've known each other for 11 years we've been married for 7.  I always try to do things, read old letters, look at pictures and read diaries of things we did together and I try to do them again...go to fine restaurants (tough with a child) but we do what we can.  I haven't fallen out of love with my wife but I think that it is necessary for you to start dating your husband on a weekly basis so that it doesn't happen again-FLIRT WITH HIM-go park..hehe whatever.....life is a long journey..sometimes it seems as though your priorities with children and work that sometimes you may lose the spark a bit..just light the pilot light again and do what you can to get his attention and it doesn't have to go back to the bed-especially if you are trying to see where his feelings lie with you...(no pun intended)...yeah that will get his attention in the short run..as it will in most men...BUT....it won't stand for the long run...so there has to be more.  maybe play hard to get a little..make him feel as though he has to give chase a bit...don't play the game too long...but...entice him..take him out for ice cream or even to a ball game EVEN if you HATE baseball or football...or a concert if he doesn't care for sports...\namusement park..you get the idea...do things that he LOVES to do that you would normally not care so much for because you CARE about doing stuff he is interested in...it is just an idea...surprise him...
510373
I hear your frustration, but I also hear someone who is still in love with the person they married.  Sure, you don't feel for him the way you used but some of that is normal after 10 years, and some of that is from the financial frustration that is dragging you down.  Some times life just doesn't work out the way we had planned and we have to decide if it is best to adjust our expectations or change our lives.  This isn't easy as you have stated because you may find out that nothing changes or things are even worse without him.  Divorce is a huge step and a risk because it doesn't guarantee you that everything will get better.  I guess the big question is, can things change financially just because of a divorce?
211675
I can relate to your question. Last week my wife of over 20 years told me that she was not in love with me anymore. She said she loves me but is not in love with me. I have spent some time in the local library doing some reading regarding relationships. I would recommend the same to you. What I have found is several things. 1st is communication you have to talk. 2nd look back at some of the things that made you a happy couple in the past and try and find out what has changed. 3rd if there are things about you that your husband is trying to change to make him love you than he doesn't... My issues are simple. my wife wants me to be something I am not. I am not her auto mechanic. I am not her errand boy and I am not her handy man. I told her that projects are fine if we do them as a team. but don't expect me to always mow the lawn, paint the house clean the garage clean the attic etc... We are a couple and couples do things together. maybe it's time to look at your relationship like your roomates? take equal responsibilities for what you have. Become an equal to him. If he is the bread winner then better yourself. Find a job that makes you more the equal. take on more responsibility. If the car breaks take it to the shop and get it fixed. Go out with him more often, take time to date again. Find things that you both have in common and do them. Find new things that you can do together...Relationships are an ever changing part of life so keep on living. if it alls fails then get out. Don't be miserable for the rest of your lives. Maybe read the book "falling out of love" read it from cover to cover. It's a short book follow the examples and see what happens.
791632
You deserve much better than that, honey.  I know after 10 years it would be hard to leave, but that might be what you need to do.  One of two things could happen...you could possibly move on and find a much better life, or you husband would realize just how much he's lost after you are gone and come running back.  Either way, you should do something.  You can't just sit around and let your husband think that his actions aren't affecting you.\nGood luck with whatever you decide and stay strong!
1135901
No its not wrong! I was with my husband 10 yrs and had 2 lovely kids,we got married then within 18 mth of the marrage he slept with 2 others and moved out! He said he felt diffrent since we married and to tell you the truth so did I! we are working through stuff but we both agree that we wished we had left things the way we were! If you's are happy why take a chance and spoil things? Good luck to the both of you!!
950078
You should have a discussion with your husband about the importance of communication.  Yes, you are still here because you love him.  He has to understand your hurt and disappointment.  You both need to agree to learn how to resolve your problems by communicating better and putting your marriage first above all else.\n\nYou said that you have been going through a rough time and  you were being stupid.  He was afraid of losing you.  If you feel like you've come a long way in your relationship, and the issues that caused the rough patch have been resolved, then let it go.  Don't throw it up in his face when something goes wrong, stick to the issue at hand.  If you don't think you can trust him, tell him so.  BUT I would encourage you both to get counseling; it will serve as a tool for you to move beyond what's happening now.  You don't want to get bogged down in resentment.\n\nIn his way, he recognized his mistake.  He distanced himself from everything associated with that situation.  He deserves a lot of credit for that.\n\nGood luck!
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.