How can I protect my GID 7 yr old son from the cruelty of children and help his father to accept him?
470486
I think it's very sad that other kids are being cruel to your son, and I'm also disappointed and concerned that his father is unable to accept his son's orientation. On the other hand, I'm very happy to hear that your son has a supporting and understanding mother like yourself. He's going to need your support, and it sounds like you will be there to give it to him. \n\nI know, and I imagine a lot of us know, how it feels to be harrased in school because of being different than others. I didn't deal with it very well - I internalized everything, and I was too humiliated to tell my family what kids would call me in school. I wish I had had a supportive parent that understood how I felt, even if it was only one parent that understood, and not the other.\n\nI'm sure your child will be very successful and happy in the future - this is just going to be a rough time (possibly). Getting him into support groups for gay youth as soon as possible would probably be a great idea. When I was about 22 I started going to a support group, and I finally realized that what I am is completely and totally okay. \n\nI'm rooting for your son, and I hope he gets to grow up feeling good about himself! It will make such a difference in his life if he knows that, no matter what anyone says, he's awesome and valuable. As for your husband, what about family counseling with a gay friendly counselor? If not that, how about a conversation between you and your husband about setting new, realistic expectations for his son. He may not get the macho guy that he was hoping for, but if your husband can find the strength in himself (and this takes a real man) to be proud of and support his gay son, he will have done what so many men can't. He could also save himself a lot of hurt and disappointment down the road.\n\nHere's hoping for happiness, love and compassion for all of you!
775625
oh, honey. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have to work out your own salvation. Your parents can't do that for you. You must raise your children in the way they should go and they shall not depart from it. I don't know what this C.O.C. believes and have no opinions in that matter. I do believe, though, that it is wrong to turn your back on your children. Look at the story of the Prodical (hope I spelled that correctly) son. He left with all of his inheritance and his father accepted him back.  I do pray that God will give you peace in your situation and that he will open a door for you to walk through that is right. Ask for wisdom and he will give it to you.
207601
This is a tough question for me to answer because I was in the same boat.  My son thought his dad was everything and he found out what kind of person his father really was on his own.  You can't take their dad away from them, let them find out on their own.  It may hurt you as you watch your children get hurt by their dad not wanting to do anything wtih them,  but at least you can say truthfully that you did not hurt them.  This is the worst thing you probably will ever have to do watch your children hurt, because you know as well as I do when your children hurt you hurt.  Maybe things didn't work out between the two of you but who is to say that it won't work out for him and his new wife.  Sometimes when we see our ex's move on with new GF's or wives it hurts us because he was never there for us at the times that we needed him the most.  If the kids want to see their dad take the first few times slow and if they don't wanna go and see their dad after that don't force them in seeing him.  But remember he has feelings too and it hurts just as much when someone steps on them..............
1164534
As a male, he is by nature aggressive, you cannot and should not try to teach him not to be aggressive.  You can, however, teach him control.  Let him know he has choices he can make in his behavior.   Get him in to sports or some other physical activity that will keep him moving and expending energy.  Guys hormones just do that to them.  If he is just a toddler, play, rough and tumble (and I do mean tumble, teach him somersaults) helps with balance and coordination and helps in falling skills in older children. When you know the child will fall, they need to know how to do it properly to avoid injury.\n\nIt's very hard to teach a child not to hit, this seems to be an ingrained protective response.  The child has not learned the differences in pain.  Physical pain vs. emotional pain.  All they know at this time is  They Hurt D-a-r-n it! (typed the regular way it looked like the OTHER word)  I did, however let him hit back IF the other child hit him more than once.   Turn the other cheek doesn't work well with children, and they need to know they have a right to defend themselves.  By allowing one hit  and not  cringing, his behavior would show the other children that he understood the hitter was upset and his character was big enough to allow that one hit. After that, it was self preservation.\n\nThis stood him in good stead.  The teachers in seeing this type of behaviour could see he didn't want the fight but was pressured to ingage. \n\nThe best you can do is teach him to think, and to think clearly and to see where his actions can lead.  When my son was in 2nd grade, he was suspended for throwing acorns.  After speaking with the Principal, my son and I sat down on a bench outside  under the Principal's office window and discussed the punishment.  It was during recess and I pointed out the acorn war going on to the oblivion of the teachers.  I explained why he was being punished.  The Principal overheard, came out and reduced the punishment to just the rest of the day.\n\nOn the way home in the car I gave him my true thoughts on the situation.  By seeing the example on the playground, and what resulted from our conversation, he realized that words of negotiation need to come first, then physical action is not always required.  People behave badly when they feel threatened.\n\nI apoligize for the long anecdotes.  After that long explanation, I now tend to believe you may have intended the word violence.  Thank you.
833276
Do NOT marry this man!!  Staying with him for the sake of your child is not going to be good for your son if he sees his dad beating up on you!  Go to a good friend, relative, pastor, or counselor that can help you get out of this situation.  It's hard, but you can do it.  You have to.
1047888
Child of God, you have to stop him, and you need help to do that.\n\nGo to someone that you TRUST who will BELIEVE you, because you need support from an adult.  You may be hesitant to talk to the police or a teacher at first about something so private.  Do any of your close friends have parents they can talk with?  That might be a supportive environment for you to start to get help.\n\nThe important thing to remember is that no matter how hard it is to talk about, or what other people's reaction might be -- it will be much worse for you if this situation continues.\n\nMay God bless you and watch over you, and guide you to the person / people who can help you.
290022
if the childs father doesnt want to be around his son then don't worry about him, because he is a deadbeat father. What you should do is be there for your child and to stop worrying about the father obviously he wasn't man enough to have the responsibilty so don't press him cut him out of you and your childs life for good or else it will cause problems down the road
902552
First of all, know your boundaries with his dad in relationship to discipline his son. Then, try to find a common ground with the child, something that eliminates you as a threat.Because right now, he looks at you as the person who is taking away his daddy from him. Once he realizes you aren't the enemy, he will warm up to you and listen to you. Also suggest to daddy that he have a talk with him on respect, and that you're not going to hurt him.
355940
Number one be consistent.  Demand that they are respectful, kind to others, tell the truth, and non-violent.  Put them in a time out chair when they do not listen or take away something that means a lot to them.  Don't letting something be all right one time and not all right the next.  Too many people confuse children this way. However, do not just focus on the negative.  Let your child know when he/she is doing well.  Children love compliments, and they love to make others proud.   If all else fails, call Super Nanny!
963178
The first step in protecting children from these types of people are the parents of said children. Making sure from the 'get-go' that there is open comunication between the children and parents. There are no secrets between them.\n You have to build a strong trust with your children.\n Where they can come and talk to you about ANYTHING.\n There is probly no more of it going on now as was 40 years ago.\n But now you have the world media reporting every case that comes up.\n So if you live in "No-Where Idaho.On the TV you will hear of cases in Florida, New York, even in Asia.\n It seems that ALL of society is going into the waste basket.\n Where in reality...how many have you heard about happening in your local?\n  If it has happened in your local? Ask this. \n What did  the parent/guardians do,or did not do, to possibly prevent it? What social upbringing did the child get? Was this child taught to be leary of strangers? Or question the demands of a family friend or relative?\n One way is to teach the children NO ONE can/should touch them where their underwear or swimsuit covers. Except maybe a doctor. And that is with a parent present.\n Now that the laws have focused on this crime more then what was 40 years ago. And they get stricter and stricter each time.\n Has anyone noticed that more and more victims are turning up dead? Instead of being alive to eventually report it?\n Think about it... This guy rapes a child. Left alive. This kid can send him to prison...for-sure.\n Now if he kills the child? \n1: Gets rid of the primary witness against him.\n2: If he does get caught,tried and convicted?\n    He goes to prison on the murder charge. Which means death row and solitary confinement. Instead of into the gerneral prison population where he will probly be killed anyway but in a slow and tortured way.\n There are some that say "Yes". "That way we know our children are safe." Yes safe,for now, from the ones in prison.\n But what about the ones possibly living in your neighborhood that have not been caught yet.? Or possibly the one that just moved into the house next door? Or the new spouse of your sister or brother. Or if you are divorced with children. What about your new spouse?\n Our children will never be safe if you depend on the system and it's laws to do it. Laws are made to deal with a crime after it was commited. Not prevent it.\n It is up to you as a parent or guardian to do the extra effort to prevent  anything like this from happening to your children.\n All the prevention is in your hands. No one elses.
152988
Well, honestly, the best way to help is to go to his parents, or to the parents of the young girls he is talking to. He needs help, or someone will get hurt. It is your obligation since you knoe to step up and do what is needed
1134716
Well keep in mind daycare facilities have two or more teachers in a room. Also many are now installing cameras into their centers to help cut down on abuse things like that. I understand your fear. I suggest going to an accredited center (make sure and ask they are accredited, those centers are generally well ran) and tell them you are interested in sending your son there. They well go over the curriculum and give you a tour of the center. Visit different ones in your area and don't settle. Find the one that makes you most comfortable. Also ask some of your trusted friends and family who have children where they send their chidlren. \n\nI know it is hard to trust strangers when a member of your own family let you down. Plus with what happen with your son is still fresh in your head it is going to be hard to let go. \n\nHonestly I know that abuse happens. I have worked in day care centers, the days are so hectic and people are coming in and going out the odds that someone would have a child alone without anyone around are very slim. \n\nEase yourself into it. Start by letting him go four a couple hours, than half day, and so on until you feel comfortable. I know many child care workers who love the children like they were there own. Granted there are ones out there that have no business working with children but most are great. \n\nJust take your time with it if you can find a trusted family or friend you can have babysit for cash I would do so. But realize that he does have to go to preschool through high school so eventually you have to place trust on people you don't really know.
252367
Everyone grows up sooner or later.  However, that he had nothing to do with your child for seven years raises a big question in my mind.  Will he be there later?  Is he here to stay?  He owes the answers to your child and to you.\n\nObviously you have had a thing for him this whole time, and he for you.  People don't stop speaking to each other because of indifference.  \n\nGive it a chance, but make sure you know the answers to those questions.  You owe it to yourself and your kid.\n\nGood luck!
250544
Just be honest with him. Tell him that you don't love him anymore. Because if you aren't happy then your child will know it. No matter how young he/she might be. Children can sense when things aren't "right"! DON'T EVER STAY WITH SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD BY THEM! If your not happy, your child won't be happy!
299660
There child advocacy reprsentives, omnibuds person, child avoicate lawyer located in every court system and there services are free. there are also many excelllent lawyers that will take your case probono. Request a lawyer  represent your daughter to protect her rights. \nThey are there to protect the rights of the child. Your child will need a phychological evaluation by a child phycholist who will testify on her behalf so this man can never hurt her again.They can testify on your daughters behalf as to the exstent of the abuse and testify as to her capibilitiy tell the truth. I'm a literacy teacher and school couseler in Bay Area. My mother was a Social worker in L.A County for twenty five years she specializd in child abuse and incest.  She was the court omnibus person/child avocate for the court. They will also likely do an assesment on the father. If you could get the backing of any of the other molested children it would help. The court takes the recomindations court appointed people very seriously, relying on there expertice and recomidations in these cases because a childs life and welware are at stack.\n\nPress charges against the man for attemped rape, aledge mostation on your fear for your childs life. If you want this mans rights taken away start showing the court who he is. A monster is killing your child. I Know these are strong words but when a child is devistated like this it can be life threatenning?  will she or he ever be the same again. If these childen are ever to be whole they are going to need the help of family members that will be there for them and most of all BELIVE YOUR CHILD.\n\nSome times the the child ends up hating the non molesting parent more if not the same as her attacker. Why? because they feel they new and did'nt rescue them worst of all they allow the molester to get away with it and stay friends talk to them treat this molester with dignity. \n\nLet your child see your are not going to give up stay by what she says dont let the police, court, whoever make you feel its just a waste of time.  Thats wrong and justice is not being surved.\n \nThe DA's office is the one who decides on which caces go to court and who's going to be charged to what extent. They  \nthey didn't stop it  weather your daughter or other children are involved your
590384
First, try legal aide.  (NOT the public defender who HAS to take cases).  Legal aide chooses their cases and are dedicated lawyers who care (cuz there isn't money in their jobs....it's non-profit).  \n\nFind all documentation you can get, all witnesses who can vouch for you, any medical records, etc etc...to back you up.  Make your case strong.\n\nThere are many false allegations of child abuse out there...been victim to it myself...there are ways to clear yourself.  Trust in the Lord, get your documentation, find your witnesses, and put it in His hands.
44327
Pray for him while you are alone. Do not over-react. Five years old is pretty young. Best to ask him why. It may be that he likes their toys or they have more fun in some ways. Reassure him that God made him a boy for a very important reason. Ask him what that purpose may be? Ask him in such a way as, "Oh really?" or "I see." If he gets a highly emotional reaction from you, he will continue to use it to push your buttons and get the attention he craves.\nI'd walk out the door and yell out...\n"Son, I'm going to an automobile/train museum, want to come along?"