how do i stop being a victim?
472537
The fact that you are now aware is a good start.Start referring to yourself as a survivor!!!!!!!!!
331765
Please call NATIONAL CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT 1-800-422-4453 they should be able to direct you to someone you can give your facts to and REMAIN ANONYMOUS until they have enough proof to do something to help.  You are very brave to stand up for what is right, but you must be cautious in placing yourself out in the open as the one who is turning him in until you get some help from an agency that can advise you in this matter.  Abusers don't stop abusing, they just get better at twisting the facts and making their victims feel more confused.  Good Luck & Thank You from an ex victim.
975335
There's no "political sin" and nothing to be forgiven. If you 've been saying what you feel to be true, where is the fault? I will never apologize for my opinions or emotions because then I would only be a liar to both myself and the people I've compromised for. If you feel like you're going the wrong direction, just change it. Don't dwell on past actions with regret because ultimately they bring you to the point you want to be at (if you're lucky enough to find that point), and there's really no other way to get there.
184736
Walk away...eventually they will be left standing in their dirt!  \n\nDont waste your valuable time on worrying about those who use you for there is nothing you can do to change them but you can change how you relate to them.  Do you always want to have a "victim" for a friend?
363776
never let people walk all over you, dont ever be a victim. i work in a state prison and i hear from these guys all the time , they have no regret for what they did or who they hurt all they care about is their rights, not their victims rights. it doesnt pay to be nice , the nice person always gets screwed.
659010
By just being there when the victim needs you, listen and let them know it is not their fault. Do what they ask. Try to convince him/her to go to the police or at the least a doctor. Don't apply to much pressure let her/ him know that if they do nothing it will eat away at them for the rest of there life.
588734
Ignore them.  They usually get a rise out of any reaction froom their 'victim'.  No reaction and they'll get bored and move on the next one....
938622
The best way to stop yourself any further shame is to learn how to spell and construct a basic sentence. Worry about the Ashes after that.
69164
It's great that you acknowledge your problem and want to resolve it. First you must reprogram yourself (so to speak). You have to learn how to control how you react to people. I think you may just need to feel like you are being listened to, and if you don't that could cause frustrations to mount and fuses to become short. Try to address something before it becomes a big problem. Change your approach. If you're losing your cool with kids, try getting on their level and look them eye to eye and sincerely talk to them and tell them why certain things are important and that you don't want to get upset or yell at them but if they don't respect your wishes it could cause you to get upset and that they can help prevent that by showing that they are listening and respecting you. Just remember you can't control other ppl but you can control how you react to them.
331750
look, honey, it sounds to me like you need to start standing up for yourself. if someone started yelling at me when I was innocent, I would politely tell them to back off. my guess is, people use you because they know they can. they know you'll give them money and never make them pay it back. \nso start getting a backbone dear, or it will be this way your whole life. when you know someone is trying to use you, learn to say no. and don't worry about losing them as a friend. with friends like that you don't need enemies. \ndon't let people get away with walking all over you, and don't let people talk to you any kind of way. you can stand up for yourself without being a jerk, and that's what you should practice. if you don't like something, say so.\nand when people call you names, consider the source. so the skanky girl called you a name, so what? she's the one with the problem.\nwhen you stand up for yourself and respect yourself, people will start seeing you differently. again, don't bend over backwards just to make a friend; that's not what real friends are. take care of yourself first and foremost.\nand remember, if you don't control this now, it WILL go on forever. your bosses, your lovelife, your neighbors, everyone will find ways to abuse you. \nI know it's hard to find that kind of confidence. but you must, or you will not survive. tell yourself every day that you are smart and you are a good person. love yourself. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is the truth. start looking for little ways every day that you can assert yourself, and once you get started, it will get easier.
1180118
You are so busy trying to please everyone that you end up getting hurt in the process.  This is impossible, can't be done..you can't please everyone.  You need to establish boundaries with ALL your relationships and stop allowing people to bulldoze over you.  I know, I've been there.  If you let people use and abuse you, then you will have a lifetime of this.  If you let them know that this behavior is unacceptable, then they will stop.  The best weapon you have is the word "NO"...add it to your vocabulary and please start using this often!  Life is made up of a series of choices, and you are on this earth for a reason, and that is not to be used by everyone.  You are a unique one of a kind person...there's only one you...so be proud of that and don't let anyone tell you who you are...that's your job! Time to let the world know who you are and stand tall & strong!!!  \nIf you need more help with this, please e-mail me...I specialize in spiritual counselling.
70079
You make yourself stop.  You stop seeing the advantage in being gone, in wanting to see others punished for not treating you as you think they should.\n\nAnd you start treating yourself as though you were someone special, someone that you really, really care about.  You give them (you) the best of whatever you have - the best attention, the best potato chip out of the bag, the nicest clothes in your closet.  \n\nYou start telling yourself that you are someone special.  Write notes and letters and stories about how good you are, and all the things you want to have and do and all the opportunities that are out there for you.\n\nAnd every day, you look in the mirror and say "This is going to be a great day."  Even if you don't believe it, you say it.  And you stop during the day and "smell the roses."  You find the things you like to do and you do them - because you are special and you deserve it.\n\nIf you're looking to punish people, this will annoy them much more, because you'll have found a joy in life that they don't have.  It will attract into your life people that will like to be around you.  And your whole life will blossom.
1073919
You're not alone.\nI absolutely understand what you're saying as I'm going through it myself... =( I used to be naive & gullible only to have it blow up in my face.\nI tried changing to adapt as to how people would like me to be... but it wasn't easy & a losing battle at the end.\nFor every person you try to please there's gonna be tons more that don't like you for the same reason. After a while it got tired & I stopped, stayed true to myself & adopt a like me/ hate me attitude. To me it's their loss rather than mine.
112442
Apologize.  Acknowledge that you are human and have done wrong.  Ultimately you will have to forgive yourself and move on.  (Easier said than done, I know)
546911
Well, it probably has a lot to do with the way your parents raised you.  Did they give you adequate coping skills?  Doesn't sound like it.\n\nI think that deep down, you want everyone to respond NOOOO DON"T DO IT,,,,,,   BUT, in reality, you're the one making yourself the victim.   \n\nI'm gonna be brutally honest with you and you may hate it or it may change your life.  But you need to stop feeling like such a victim.  It;s actually a narcassistic way of thinking.  It means that it's all about you, to yourself.  There are bigger problems in the world though.  People lose their children in wars, lose their parents in car accidents, lose loved ones to cancer, illness, careless driving, and other things and  you're just upset.  Well, it may be chemical but you are in control of your thoughts unless you're Bi-Polar.  If you're not then you make the choice everyday to have the world revolve around your victim attitude and that's why you're continually depressed,,,,,,,  it's because the world does not revolve around your victim attitude and it never will.  The world can't acknowledge that because they're irrational thoughts and they are just that, thoughts.   You keep expecting it to and you get dissapointed every single day.  Until you change from being a victim to being in charge, it will keep happening.
460582
I am currently dealing with the same situation. I have found that by giving to much you leave nothing for yourself. People will use you if you allow yourself to be used. My problems are mostly from family. I have come to the realization that if i wouldnt let a stranger treat me poorly why should i allow my family to do the same. Eight months ago i made a list of toxic people in my life and have started the ellimination process. It is very hard, i wont kid you. But, It has to be done. You are already to considerate or you wouldnt have such a question in the first place. Write a list of people that make you feel this way and next to each name write the pros and cons of your relationship with them. Evaluate and treat accordingly. Your life is to precious and short and you deserve better. We as a society have been taught to give but we have never been taught to receive graciuosly. We dont know how to accept compliments. Writing off friends and family is very difficult but you are allowed to feel good any time you want without regret or remorse. Its more exhausting being nice than being honest and straight forward. As with any change you have to do it slowly. You will feel very bad for a time but keep your long term goal in sight and do not share your plan with anyone or they may try to convince you not to write someone off. You have to allow yourslef to be at peace with your decisions. It will be the loss of a friend or family , like a death. You must go through the mourning process. Be good to your soul and it will reward you. Stay focused and you will allow you to reward yourself with a healthy life full of wonderful people. Good luck to you and yours.\n\n\nJoe
1118684
If you've hurt someone in the past, go to that person and ask for forgiveness. If you've been bad in the past, then its time for you to change your ways and be a good person. Have a positive outlook in life so you'll invite positive energy. Treat everyone equally.. and reach out to people around you. Do not mistreat people whom you think are inferior than you. Be kind, and help others.. and you'll see the changes happening one by one.