This poem I wrote about three years ago. Tell me what you think?
473882
Very well done, reminds me of Jesus walking on the water to the disciples in the storm. When they saw Him they were more afraid of Him than the storm until He said "It is I" then they were at peace. It is in the storms of live that we really learn from Him. In your third verse, when you walk with Christ there is great peace in the storm.
134614
l love this poem\n\nAs Days Flew By \nby Peng \nThe very first time I saw you,\nWas special how we met.\nYou took me by complete surprise.\nI knew my heart was set.\n\nAs days flew by, we talked again,\nBut you never seemed to care.\nI tried my best to help you out,\nBy a favor here, or a favor there.\n\nAlthough I made a fast approach,\nOur friendship grew and grew.\nI realized how deep I cared,\nBut the feeling I felt was new.\n\nIn time I became attached to you.\nFrom a hug, I wouldn't let go.\nI soon saw how close we were,\nAnd the feeling was good to know.\n\nFor you, I wrote sweet letters and songs.\nYou were on my mind all day.\nThe thought of sleeping was nowhere near,\nUnless I knew you were okay.\n\nIt hit me then, what I was in -\nA unique and precious love.\nFor the person I said was only mine,\nWas an angel sent from above.\n\nThe minutes without you turned into days,\nAnd the seconds with you flew fast.\nI could only wish to see you more,\nAnd make each moment last.\n\nThe times I spent with you,\nWere what made my heart complete.\nI knew one thing for sure,\nWithout you, my future was obsolete.\n\nAnd now, we love just the same,\nAs it doubles day by day.\nI stare deep into your precious eyes,\nYet I'm still speechless to what I should say.\n\nWith you, I'm in a whole new world.\nYou bring out the best in me.\nIt's hard to picture you not there,\nWhen you taught me who to be.\n\nYes, the road ahead gets hard,\nWhen things may only seem rough.\nBut because you and I try so much,\nWe'll stay strong and get by tough.\n\nThough problems may lie ahead someday,\nAnd either of us could be right;\nI promise to always be by your side,\nAnd I promise my heart, so hold it tight.\n\nAnd so, each night, beside my bed,\nWhen there's only bright stars to see;\nI pray that we may never give up,\nAnd will always remain you and me.
280462
not sure just know i love the poem where it goes..I am nobody who are you? are you nobody too? then there is a pair of us. Shh don't tell they'll parish us.  how dreary to be somebody, how public like a frog, to live the live long day in an admiring bog
59336
Years of wisdom, and centuries passed;\nTonnes of knowledge and sanity lost.\nDays of pains; and nights\nOf pleasures could not last.\nHours of toil; and moments\nof fortune, forever lost.\nIn a single straight dream, as if;\nthe entire life in a wink had passed.\nOf life, its colors ; and all\nits course of lows and highs;\nToday after the sunset\nwhen I ever close my eyes,\nI remember only those ephemeral\nMoments of my lengthy life,\nThose rare moments of love,\nThose intimate moments with the wife.\nThat childhood on the swing,\nThat father's slap, that my extra lie.\nThe nursery teacher and her fierce cane,\nHer lovely rhymes and her scary spectacled nose.\nThose lush green cricket fields of my youth,\nThose childhood's gardens of the innocent rose.\nThat mother's unbiased flowing love,\nIn her transparent cold eyes.\nThose long walks with father\nBefore the sunset, at the sunrise.\nOf life, its colors and all\nIts course of lows and high ;\nToday after the sunset\nwhen I ever close my eyes;\nI remember only those ephemeral\nMoments of my lengthy life,\nThose moments of hard earned victories\nThat we together shared.\nThose moments of zeal and passion\nIn the field that often flared.\nThose short fears and long punishments\nThat we were always scared.\nThat special birthday gift , that cuckoo's cry\nThat first childhood truth\nThat life's first sacrifice.\nI can never forget.\nOf life, its colors and all\nits course of lows and high;\nToday after the sunset\nwhen I ever close my eyes;\nI remember only those ephemeral\nmoments of my lengthy life.\nFirst spring of youth,\nIts evergreen mango grove.\nThat first kiss in the rain,\nHer first letter of love.\nThose dark windy nights,\nThose bright fantasy flights.\nI can never forget.\nThat first taste of wine,\nThat first interview of mine.\nOf life, its colors and all\nIts course of lows and highs;\nToday after the sunset,\nwhen I ever close my eyes;\nI remember only those ephemeral\nmoments of my lengthy life.\nThose rare moments of love,\nThose intimate moments with the wife.\nThat childhood on the swing,\nThat father's slap, that extra lie.\nI can never forget.\nThose scarce moments of love\nI can never forget; for\nOf all the moments of lows and highs;\nThose are the ones in which\nThe immortality of my soul forever shall lie.\nThose ephemeral moments of love.  \n\n–  Shiv Nandan Singh
363615
i wish i was your gf. that poem is so sweet it made me cry\nshe is lucky to have a bf like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
353778
its pretty good it kinda sounds like it could be a narration for a movie with a dude with a gambling problem or something (kinda) and i like the way the whole poem is counting to 10 oh and in reply to the person who said u said you say roll the dice too much i think he should learn something about poetry i mean anyone who knows anything about poetry knows that a stanza is one of the many tools of a poet
1113814
I am and here is my story to all those who are in pain and need some hope in your lives.\n\n"Dead Alive; my story"\n\nIntroduction: \n\nThe next few paragraphs is a bit graphic at first but I want the truth to be told; because I believe there is someone out there... maybe you or \n\nsomeone you know that needs to know that you are not alone. I originally wrote this in a mental hospital after a suicide attempt. The first \n\ndraft was over twenty two hundred hand written pages long. I had to condense it here. So you might need to take this story slow and try to \n\nread between the lines and for some of you; reflect on events in your life and see if you can see yourself in my life somehow. Our conclusions \n\nmay never be the same; but my intent of this document is to save your life or someone you know. I can tell you from personal \n\nexperience; other people's lives have changed as the result of reading this essay. If you are on life's ragged edge; and are standing on the \n\nedge between life and death... then listen to one who has been there... for many years. I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor.\n\n\n\nI was raised in a large English tutor in the rolling hills of Kentucky. We lived a short distance south of Cincinnati with woods, fields, trees, \n\nponds, streams; a playground any kid could ever dream of living in and yet... \n\n\nMy parent's world seemed not as happy as mine was. I am not sure exactly how things started to change. But I vaguely remember when I \n\nwas about six; dad scaring us kids when he'd fall asleep while driving the car. Sometimes he was sick and would vomit all over the floor. Over \n\nthe years; mom developed a nasty temperament. I vividly remember her pulling us kids around by the hair. We received daily lickings with \n\ndad's leather belt. We probably deserved it but if we truly were innocent; then she'd tell us that it was for something that we got away with. \n\nWe never knew when it was coming. When dad came home from a long day at work; mom would scream at him to do something about us kids \n\nand he would hit us too. Dad gave us "love-taps" as he called them. Our bodies were covered with welts and cuts. If that weren't enough then \n\nI received black eyes and the rest of us had our hands pushed into scalding hot water if we got caught stealing food. Every time I got beat; I \n\nlearned to disassociate from it; to numb the pain. I didn't feel the pain as much if I pretended mentally to be an "outsider" peering in.\n\n\nPeople around us noticed; some called the cops, but when I was younger we didn't have the child abuse laws that we have today. Most \n\npeople would look the other way. And we were constantly warned not to tell people what went on at home or something worse would happen \n\nto us.  As each year went by, I got harder and meaner inside. With all the beatings I received; I never once was hugged or told that I meant \n\nanything to my parents. Nothing hurt worse than all the screaming insults hurled at you. I think the things they told us hurt worse than the \n\nsting of the lashes. Mother would scream; "I wish you were never born. She would tell us how rotten and worthless we were. It seemed that \n\nnothing ever made them satisfied. We gave up trying to please them; I avoided them as the result of fear of future reprisals. Mom would get \n\nout this black handkerchief and tell me that my soul was as black as that rag before God. She would tell us how angry God was at us for \n\ndisobeying them. I lived my whole childhood believing that no one could be trusted. Not even God. I was seven when mom penetrated me\n\n with her finger; hooked it and pulled out bloody flesh one day in the bathroom. Bright pools of blood splattered on the floor. It was my first \n\nencounter with molestations; with more to come later when I was a run-away. \n\n\n(I learned years later from my grandmother; that she thought mom wa
938963
Yeah I composed this poem (in the style of a spoof poet who writes for Private Eye magazine):\n \nSo, farewell then Alan "Fluff" Freeman\nYour radio style was much imitated\nEspecially by comedians \nBut you meant a lot to us.\n \n"Greeting, Pop Pickers", you would say, and "Not Alf!"\nAnd we would welcome you into our homes\nAnd into our cars, and so on\n \nKeith's mum says you were the first person to play "Hey Jude"\nThough I personally remember you more for The Buzzcocks\nAnd Pink's Floyd's "Wish you were here"\n \nWish you were here\n \n \n \nMatt Porter aged 49 and a third
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Very nice Jennifer. Every person who writes poetry or song took the time to write something about that tragic day, probably as a way to alleviate the grief we all shared. My daughters and I wrote a song that day. I hope your writing has helped you through and thanks for sharing it with us.
542771
Hey, I am so sorry that I didnt write a poem. I cant write poems very good. LOL. But I just wanted to tell you how good that poem is.I love reading poems about what others went through, and this is the best one yet! I hope everything works out between you and your ex.
257726
I think this is a great question (opportunity really) to get some of us closet writers to post our own writing...maybe even get some fun feedback, or just enjoy reading some other writer’s work as well. So, thanks for the chance. Well here is one of my earlier poems:\n\n"A Passing, Sulfur-Green Passion"\n\nThose green eyes, once filled with rage-rampant fire,\nFueled a whim obsessed fervor that partook of every desire.\n\nNot once did any glance go unrewarded in a closed-door fashion—\n   A youthful body withered by long nights of unprotected (un-sustained) passion. \n\nFeeling ephemeral stares, \nImagining they seek out what lurks behind badly salt-stained eyes, omens-old\nShe is forever surrounded by sulfur-smoke, \nLost in sustained moment of grey-cold.\n \nAnd those wet orbs cannot receive a spark of compassion\n \n   For anyone’s love.
1102625
This is a poem I came by \n\n\n\nHow Could You? \n\nWhen I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you \nlaugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad,"you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent, and roll me over for a bellyrub. \n\nMy housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were \nterribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights \nof nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret \ndreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the \ncone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in \nthe sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. \n\nGradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, \nand more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, \ncomforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. \n\nShe, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into \nour home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because \nyou were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your \nexcitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." \n\nAs they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and \npulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, \ninvestigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be. \n\nI would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret \ndreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. \nThere had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you \nproduced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. \nThese past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. \nI had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every \nexpenditure on my behalf. \n\nNow, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they \nwill be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made \nthe right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only \nfamily. \n\nI was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal \nshelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They \nshrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a \nmiddle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's \nfingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided \nmy eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You \nhad a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. \n\nAfter you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your \nupcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good \nhome. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" \n\nThey are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy \nschedule
147045
Dear Legggsss2002,\nThere is no one on this earth more qualified to answer that question than YOU....By his every action,comment and gesture he answers that question every day....all I can say is open your eyes and open your mind and the answer to that question will come to you. I sincerely hope you like what you find.\nAlso, thank you for your encouraging remarks about my poem,"Once".
807283
It's interesting, as a poem I would have stopped at struggle to change as a song its fine to continue, Some grammatical and punctuation errors, I would accept it as a work in progress. :-) good luck and keep writing
722502
It seems to be well written, I like it, except maybe you could add a stronger conclusion to the poem. :)
259481
Wow, very beautiful and powerful.  I particularly love the first 3 lines as well as the lines about sending peace and love, but little hate or envy.  \n\nKeep on writing!  :)
534436
Good Poem.......lots of potential! Keep it up!! Good Luck on the girlfriend too.....she's out there!!