What similes are in "The Emperor of Ice-Cream"?
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A simile is usually portrayed with the words - like -or -as, neither of which occur in The Emperor of Ice-Cream\nAnalysis of the poem at the site below, doesn't refer directly to similes but it might be helpful
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ice cream made him fat so he blew up!!!!!!!!\n\n\n\n\n\nKABOOM!!!\n\n\n\n\nice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream
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I like that Gooners one:\n(to the tune of 'when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie.....)\n\n“When the spurs start to cry,\nWhen they don’t qualify,\nBlame lasagne.\nWhen they think it's a treat,\nBut it's real dodgy meat,\nBlame lasagne!”
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There is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in a hamburger. \n\nEnglish muffins weren't invented in England or french fries in France. \n\nSweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat \n\nWe take English for granted. But when we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public bathrooms have no baths and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea. \n\nAnd why is it that pointers point, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, humdingers don't humding and hammers don't ham? \n\nIf the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth? One Goose, two geese - so one moose, two meese? \n\nOne index, two indices - one Kleenex, two Kleenices? \n\nDoesn't it seem loopy that you can make amends but not just one amend, that you comb through the annals of history but not just one annal? \n\nIf you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one, what do you call it? \n\nIf the teacher taught, why isn't it true that the preacher praught? \n\nIf a horsehair mat is made from the hair of horses and a camel's-hair coat from the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made? \n\nIf a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue? \n\nSometimes I wonder if all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. \n\nIn what other language do people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? \n\nHave noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? \n\nHow can OVERLOOK and OVERSEE be opposites, while QUITE A LOT and QUITE A FEW are alike? Did you ever notice that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown, met a sung hero or experienced requited love? \n\nHave you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are the people who ARE spring chickens or who actually WOULD hurt a fly? \n\nI meet individuals who CAN cut the mustard and whom I WOULD touch with a ten-foot pole, but I cannot talk about them in English. \n\nYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on. \n\nEnglish was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't really a race at all). That is why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. \n\nAnd why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but, when I wind up this essay I end it.
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My favorites:\n\nOne tree short of a hammock\n\nOne sandwich short of a picnic\n\nThe wheel is moving, but the hamster is dead\n\nThe cheese has slipped off the cracker\n\nI.Q. of two, but takes three to grunt\n\nHe fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down\n\nAn intellect rivaled only by garden tools\n\nand\n\nBody by Fisher, brains by Mattel
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THE CHOCOLATE RITUAL\nCopyright 1993, John Shepard, \nPerformed at Dragonfest, August 1993\nMaterials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the great big one- as the athame;) a large glass with milk in it (the chalice;) a small dish of Nestle's Quick and a spoon; a small dish of chocolate sprinkles; a plate of cupcakes and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet;\n\n\nCLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:\n\n(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)\n\nChocolate sprinkles where thou art cast\nNo calories in thy presence last.\nLet no fat adhere to me\nAnd as I will So Mote It BE!\n\nNestle's Quick where thou art cast\nTurn this milk to chocolate, fast.\nLet all good things come to me,\nand make my milk all chocolatey!\n\nCAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll):\n\nCALL THE QUARTERS:\n\nMousse of the East, Fluffy one!\nGreat prince of the palace of dessert.\nBe present we pray thee, \nand guard this circle from all moochers \nApproaching from the East.\n\n\nFondue of the South, Molten One!\nGreat prince of the palace of decadence.\nBe present we pray thee,\nAnd guard this circle from all diets \nApproaching from the South.\n\nCocoa of the West, Satisfying one!\nGreat prince of the palace of thirst.\nBe present we pray thee, \nAnd guard this circle from all carob \nApproaching from the West.\n\nRocky Road of the North, Cold one!\nGreat prince of the palace of crunchy.\nBe present we pray thee,\nAnd guard this circle from all cheap imitations\nApproaching from the North.\n\nMAIN RITUAL:\n\nHANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):\n\nListen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who was of old called: Godiva, Ethel M., Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:\n\nHPS: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Goodies. \n\nIn the mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue. \n\nAnd you shall be free from depression. And as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence. For mine is the ecstacy of phenylalanine, [FEEN-EL-AL-A-NEEN] and mine also is Joy on Earth, yea, even into High Orbit, for my law is "Melts in your mouth, not in your hand". \n\n\nKeep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you or turn you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy, padding pounds on your hips. \n\nI am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy unto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious, and beyond death... well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that. \n\nI demand only your money in sacrifice; for behold, chocolate is a business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.\n\nSWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and finer stores everywhere:\n\nI, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles, and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of candy; from me do all confections spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.... and again... and again.... and again. \n\nBefore my smeared face, beloved of women and men, thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. \n\nLet my taste be within thy mouth that rejoices. For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanu
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Here is a collection of them, lame:\n Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.\nYour body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.\nCan I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?\nI may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.\nI may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.\nMy love for you is like the Energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.\nYo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way, right away.\nI'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.\nIf you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.\nIs that Windex you're wearing? Because I can see myself in your pants.\nI wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.\nWanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.\nExcuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.\nI'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.\nIf your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?\nI love every bone in your body - especially mine.\nYou might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.\nHi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?\nI can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
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http://humanities.byu.edu/elc/student/idioms/idiomsmain.html
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from George Carlin\n                aaron's rod                     \narm\n                baby-maker                    \nbeef\n                blue vein meatroll        \n bald-headed butler\n                bald-headed mouse    \nbelly buster\n                bathtub eel                     \nbearded blood sausage\n                bird                                 \nbone\n                baloney                        \n banana\n                bat                            \n bayonet\n                bean tosser                    \n beef\n                belly ruffian                   \nblade\n                broomstick                      \nbum tickler\n                bush beater                     \nbutton-hole worker\n                coc-k                            \ncandle\n                carrot                         \n club\n                crack haunter                   \ncranny hunter\n                cracksman                       \ncreamstick\n                culty gun                       \ncarnal stump\n                chicken                         \nchild-getter\n                chink-stopper                   \ncorey\n                crook                          \n dick\n                dork                            \ndong\n                doniker                         \ndingus\n                dipstick                        \ndagger\n                dart of love                   \n dearest member\n                dickey                         \n ding-dong\n                dinger                          \ndingle-dangle\n                dummy                           \ndodaddy\n                dolly                           \ndooflicker\n                down-leg                       \n dragon\n                eel                             \nend\n                family organ                    \nfiddle bow\n                fish                            \nfishing rod\n                flapper                         \nfool-sticker\n                forefinger                     \n fukker\n                foreman                         \ngun\n                gut wrench                      \ngiggle stick\n                gadget                          \ngardener\n                giggling pin                   \n gooser\n                gravy maker                     \ngrinding tool\n                gristle                         \ngut stick\n                hair splitter                   \nhambone\n                hammer                          \nhanging johnny\n                hoe handle                      \nholy poker\n                horn                            \nhose\n                hot rod                         \nheat-seeking moisture missle\n                hairy hot dog                   \njack in the box\n                jemson                         \njerking iron\n                jigger                         \n jing hang\n                jockam                          \njohnnie\n                johhny one-eye \nthe bald-headed champ\n                johnson                        \n joint\n                joy knob                        \njoy prong\n                joy stick                      \n key\n                kidney cracker                  \nkielbasa\n                king member                    \n knob\n                knocker                         \nladies' delight\n                ladies' lollipop               \n ladies' treasure\n                lamp of life                    \nlance\n                life preserver                  \nlittle brother\n                little willie                  \n liver turner\n                live sausage                    \nlizard\n                lob                            \nlobcock\n                lobster                         \nlollypop\n                long john                      \n love dart\n                love gun                       \n love missile\n
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if I keep putting ice cream in my ear\n\n\nsmile\ngood luck
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(Peter announces he is going on a hunger strike)\n"You gonna eat that stapler?"\n"Sir, you can't eat a stapler"\n"Wanna split it?"\n\n(Chris sees an empty fish bowl and a broken piggy bank)\n"My pet goldfish ran away. And he robbed me!"\n\nLois' tumor singing in her brain (I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor)\n\nThere are loads more oh, and pretty much every time Stewie is on :p
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"Satan... Eats... Cheez ... Whiz... "\ndun Dun DUUUUUN!!\n\n\nHe's funny.
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Three mice are sitting at a bar after the funeral of an Illinois mouse, killed by an 80-year-old lady with a broom, trying to impress each other about how much tougher they are.\n \nThe Wisconsin mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the Iowa mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."\n\nThe Iowa mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the Wisconsin mouse and  replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."\n \nThey both turn to the Texas mouse. The Texas mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh and says to the two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."\n\n\nOR\n\nMost people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.\n\nThis would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.  But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.\n\nThe people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.\n\nThe National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
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A good metaphor for betrayal is "Judas' kiss" or "30 pieces of silver", which both refer to the New Testament and Jesus' betrayal by his apostle Judas.  Judas kissed Jesus to point him out to the authorities so he could be taken into custody, and the reward he received was 30 pieces of silver. \n\nI cannot think of any similes, other than turning one of the above metaphors into a simile, such as:\n\n"When he shook my hand I knew it was like Judas' kiss, and the cops would be coming for me soon."\n\nor\n\n"He said he told the truth because he wanted to come clean with the cops, but I knew that it was more like his own 30 pieces of silver. Somewhere, somehow, he was getting something for betraying me."\n\n(Sorry, those are bad examples, but it's late, and I am tired...)\n\nAs for personification, Judas is your man. In the western tradition, there have been many other betrayals, but that one stands out as probably the most significant, and the one which most people will recognize most easily.
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Rudolph the Red nose reindeer *reindeer*\nHad a very shiny nose *like a light bulb*\nAnd if you ever saw it *saw it*\nYou would even say it glows *like a light bulb (some say flashlight)*\nAll of the other reindeer *reindeer*\nUsed to laugh and call him names *like Pinocchio*\nThey never let poor rudolph *rudolph*\nJoin in any reindeer games *like monopoly*\nThen one foggy Christmas Eve \nSanta came to say *Ho Ho Ho*\nRudolph with your nose so bright won't you guide my sleigh tonight\nThen how the reindeer loved him *loved him*\nAs they shouted out with glee *whooopeee*\nRudolph the red nose reindeer *reindeer*\nYou'll go down in history *like Columbus (some say George Washington)*
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Here's a whole bunch of them for you!\n\n\n1 syllable:\nache, ake, bake, blake, brake, break, cake, dake, drake, fake, flake, haik, hake, jacque, jake, lake, make, naik, paik, pake, plake, quake, sake, schake, schlake, schnake, schwake, shaik, shaikh, shake, shrake, snake, spake, stake, steak, take, wake, yake \n\n2 syllables:\nash cake, awake, blind snake, bran flake, bull snake, chopped steak, cliff brake, corn cake, corn flake, corn snake, crumb cake, disc brake, disk brake, dive brake, drum brake, fish cake, fish steak, flank steak, foot brake, forsake, glass snake, grass snake, green snake, ground snake, hand brake, head ache, hoop snake, hot cake, house snake, joint snake, king snake, lined snake, lyre snake, milk shake, milk snake, mistake, night snake, oil cake, opaque, partake, pine snake, pound cake, prune cake, rat snake, remake, retake, ringed snake, ring snake, rock brake, rock cake, rock snake, round steak, rump steak, sand snake, sea snake, spice cake, sponge cake, strip steak, swiss steak, tax break, tea break, to make, vine snake, whip snake, white cake, wood drake, worm snake, yeast cake \n\n3 syllables:\nangel cake, birthday cake, black rat snake, buckwheat cake, canker brake, carpet snake, cattle cake, chicken snake, chiffon cake, chocolate cake, coaster brake, coffee break, coffee cake, congo snake, coral snake, cotton cake, double take, garter snake, give and take, glossy snake, gopher snake, great salt lake, hognose snake, honey cake, icebox cake, johnny cake, journey cake, layer cake, lie awake, marble cake, minute steak, oxbow lake, parking brake, pasture brake, peppered steak, pepper steak, piece of cake, red rat snake, ribbon snake, ringneck snake, rough green snake, service break, shawnee cake, shooting brake, silver hake, skillet cake, smooth green snake, spider brake, spitting snake, stomach ache, t-bone steak, take the cake, tartar steak, thunder snake, tiger snake, tipsy cake, water snake, wedding cake \n\n4 syllables:\nangel food cake, applesauce cake, banded sand snake, battle of wake, coconut cake, cottonseed cake, devil's food cake, eastern ground snake, hamburger steak, hydraulic brake, indigo snake, purple rock brake, salisbury steak, western blind snake \n\n5 syllables:\nartificial lake, asian coral snake, banded water snake, burning at the stake, common garter snake, common water snake, eastern coral snake, emergency brake, indian rat snake, new world coral snake, old world coral snake, western coral snake, western ribbon snake \n\n6 syllables:\nafrican coral snake, american rock brake, australian coral snake, eastern indigo snake \n\nhttp://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=rake&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l
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You need a simile for something that follows others, is ignorant, and thinks highly of themselves...\n\n...like an ashen pane of window, confined to runners that wait to be lifted and closed, he followed is misconceived ideas.\n\n...as if he could marry himself all over again, living on the fringes of narcissistic delusion.\n\n...his black satin vest was stained of superfluous fantasies as he dribbled champagne down the front.