I am suffering from my past of what my exbrother in law did to me.And this is hurting my marriage?
459456
i was 12 when my own grandfather repeated sexually molested me while i was sleeping, i am now 31 and to this day if my husband touches me while i am sleeping i freak out, if your husbands wants to help you get past this problem you must first make him understand why you pull away. also you have to remember that your husband is not your x-brother-in-law. i would suggest that you you try counseling, on you own at first then get your husband to join you for a few sessions. a professional opinion may help both of you to be able to work pass this. I wish you all the luck in the world and always remember that the shame belongs with the x-brother-in-law, you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. if your parents and the rest of you family doesn't see that then they need professional help! ps....patience is the key here, for some people they rebound a lot quicker than others, for some of us it is an everyday struggle to try to over come what has happened to us!
585416
maybe you need to sit down and talk to her, i have foster parents and they dont treat me right either, its hard to open up your true feelings at first, but you need to sit down with her and with a counsler or even better a pastor and have her say what she feels right to your face, if she ruined your marriage then there is something wrong with her, something that she doesnt want to talk about at the moment but she needs to GOOD LUCK SWEETIE hope for the best
667629
Wow. Simliar to what I'm going through but except with cheating with the brother. I'm 20 and I noticed that since me and my ex bf had a age gap of nearly 12 years it was hard for us to work out our problems. He loves you and he doesn't want to lose you. Maybe your husband and his brother should talk this matter over. There might be rage but it's better then losing someone that you may never see again due to unforeseen future ahead of one. Before me and my ex ended our relationship I told him about how hurt I was that he treated me like "shit". He took the time to understand what he was doing to hurt me. You can try talking it over with him. If matters aren't resolve, I think it would be wise to end the relationship and move on. It's wrong for you to have to put up with his "shit". I'm truly sorry that you are going through this but we do learn from our mistakes. Good luck.
307495
it sounds like you had a bad expierence in another life time. when you go to bed tonight, keep saying that you want that part of your past lives not to bother you anymore. you might have to do it a few nights. but it will help
1024993
First off, your a married women and he has absolutely NO right in NO way of getting between you and your husband. He should respect you and he should respect your marriage. Why did you marry your husband in the first place? Becuz you loved him! Do not bring your past to your future. Whatever happend, happend. Let it go. Do not hurt your husband and your marriage. And who is he to say that you deserve better? If you felt like you deserved better than you wouldnt marry him in the first place! Dont talk to him, and dont let him change how you feel about your husband. But honesty is very important in a relatioship. Especially a marriage. An old flame is an old flame, theres a reason why you guys are not together, and there was a reason why its an old flame. Your a married women, and he should mind his own life, and not try to tear up a family. Dont talk to him, he will try to steal you away from your husband. Recindle your love and romance with your husband and you will see that your "old Flame" is nothing, compared to your marrriage. Cherish your marriage. Marriage is a very sacred bond, and a lot of people dont understand that. Cherish your marriage and love your husband like there is no tomorrow. And spend more time with him. And if your "old flame" keeps on being in the way, and if he doesnt understand that your married, than you need to tell your husband to beat the s h i t  of him. Becuz if your husband doesnt know, than your ex is gonna think he has a bigger chance of getting you back. But you gotta let him now that your husbad is your life, and you wouldnt change him for NOTHING.\nGOOD LUCK!
475918
The behavior of your husband and his family is very un-Christian-like behavior. They should be welcoming you with open arms. It sounds like you wonder why he even married you. Don't stop praying. As with any difficult situation, prayer and God can get you through. I don't know how I would have survived some of the heartbreaks I've faced in 52 years without prayer and God.\n\nIt sounds as if you feel ganged-up-on by his family and his church. Family is one thing, and bad enough for them to treat you poorly, but for his church to do the same is unconscionable.\n\nWhat I would do is to seek the advice of an attorney. Then you'll have the information you need in making the decision to stay or go. You have to balance your emotional and mental health with the money you've put into the house. Which is more important?\n\nI'm so sorry that you are so miserable in this marriage. I pray you'll continue to seek God's perfect will for you. That He will guide and comfort you. Bless you, my dear.
826355
My husband knows every single detail of my sordid past.  Stripping, drug use, partying with coke dealers, etc, etc, etc.  He puts it behind us.  All he cares about is who we are now and how we treat each other.  If he wasn't there then he doesn't know how it really was.  If he doesn't want to accept you for who you are now, because of who you were then....\n.....he isn't worth the effort.  So tell him what I said.  If he can't get over it still, leave him and find another guy, 'cause you'll never be happy and neither will he.
1047167
You said this just started and for no apparent reason. Maybe it is just that you have no clue to the reasoning behind it. I am not saying he is justified in treating you like crap or doing things in front of the children that he shouldn't but there has to be a reason for it. Have you tried asking him what is going on. Maybe something has happened and for what ever reason he can't or doesn't know how to share this with you so in turn his actions is a result of what ever is really bothering him. You have made it clear you won't put up with this so stress this to him again that if he can't share with you what is going on you can't try to help him with it but that he isn't going to take it out on you either. He needs to make the choice as to what to do and then you can choose what to do based on how he feels. I really feel for you hun as something happened to my ex husband and he thought he would become physical with me until I told him he would die before he hit me again and of course the final results was I left. I couldn't fix something that I had no clue as to what was going on and I was not going to be hit on or abused in any other way either. I hope he comes around before you leave him but do what is best for you and the children hun!!.
643785
who brings up the past, you or him? if him he could be feeling jelouse or insicure.If he does keep bringing it up and using it as a stick to beat you with maybe hes not the suportive partner you need.we all have pasts, but its the future thats important in a relationship.\nHave you ever both sat down and talked about both your pasts, once its out in the open there is nothing to hide,
696397
Oh, don't you just love being a woman!  As women, we tend to always want to mend anything, regardless of how much it's hurts us in the past.  My advice to "put the spark back into your marriage" would be to start doing absolutely NEW things together.  This way, you begin creating new memories that will hopefully be pleasing to you.  Then, these new memories can start to fade away the old negative ones and give you more of a sense of hope.  Also, if you believe in the Lord, pray about it.  Satan's best way to destroy you is to start in your home by separating the family.  He attempts to destroy that first, then begins working on you individually.
806251
Obviously there were some serious problems in your marriage.  Seeing as how she's now your ex-wife, you're asking this question a little late, and asking if of the wrong people.  You should've asked her.  If you have a good relationship with her, you might try to get it out of her one day, maybe she'll tell you what happened with her in your relationship.  If I were to bet on it, I'd bet you took her for granted, you stopped courting her.  She felt like you didn't care about her anymore, so she went out and found someone who does.  I'm not condoning her actions, because I firmly believe that marriage is a lifelong committment, and you fix the problems in the marriage, and divorce really isn't an option.  But obviously you weren't giving her what she needed in your relationship.  Sorry......You probably need to just move on with your life.
720270
ok, if you have to ask then you already know. NO IT"S NOT RIGHT!!!! Ugh, you are destroying your own family out of selfishness. Women like you are called house-breakers. Ever heard of that? Your husband obviously loves you, he married you!! It's clear that the feeling isn't mutual though. You are causing so many problems for yourself and you don't even know it. I feel sorry for your husband...he deserves better and you deserve a reality check. Wake up....you're wrong!
655907
Sounds to me like Mark is dragging is feet, afterall, you has his cake and is eating it too.  You divorced for one reason or another.  What makes you think that it will work this time.  The past will hinder any happiness that you two may have together.  You should think real hard on this issue and decide if you can go thru with it or not.  If you can't, leave before it's too late.
549335
Well in my opinion I believe your husband feels you are going to Dr. Phil for help instead of him, but if he is like most men, they do not help anyway.  Have you talked to counselors before about your feelings?  I think you need to find a good friend or a counselor to get this out and have someone to talk to about it.  I don't think it is healthy to go back to older harder times always, but sometimes it is good, it is just what we need Women need to cry sometimes, now when I say sometimes I am not referring to everyday ;) I hope one day you can let the past go some. Hope you find someone that you can talk to also. Goodluck
663178
Well, if you have tried flowers etc, then maybe it is time for you to see if her parents or a friend of hers can help you with this. Sometimes it takes more than one person to make someone understand what you've done wrong and that you feel badly for it. Get some help, get her mom or a sister or her friend to talk to her for you, tell them how sorry you are and that you want to do right by her. Then maybe you can set up a meeting with her and talk to her about it. I hope it works!:) I would suggest if she does take you back to go to a premarital counsellor, to help with things like constructive problem solving and how to compromise. It has really helped my marriage! Good luck and Peace:)
67722
It is not something that you should just "deal" with. This can be a very serious issue. Do you know why the fear is there? Does it stem from something in your past? If you do not know, then you need to dig deep into that issue first, before you can tackle the issue of the fear itself. Have you always been like this? Or did it just start to happen? \n\nNow, if you know why it is (something in your past, abuse, ect.) then you need to start to work on that issue. Maybe seek a psychologist that specializes in sexual issues. DO NOT exclude your spouse from any of this. Communication is SOOOO important. If he does not know anything is wrong, or if he doesn't know you are seeking help, how is he going to get help? He needs to be helped just as much as you do because I am sure at one point, he has thought (or he might just be thinking it now) that it is his fault (and again, I am just taking a guess that none of this is actually his fault).
376668
You are not going to like this,you are causing this because you are addicted to whatever it is she does.It could be she reminds you of a family member from childhood experiences,a mother,father,whatever you need to change how you react to things or you will pick one just like her if you divorce.I would get pro.help and resolve this so you can have peace in the future.Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!