Why after 9 yrs of marriage could a man that says he luvs you just up and leave?
468494
he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to go persue this relationship with your friend and possibly chat on her with you, going back and forth between the two of you.\nget rid of him.
328979
For your sake and that of your children, move on. He obviously likes having the two relationships and that is not likely to change. The sooner you leave the sooner you and your children will heal. With all the lies this man has spun its amazing either of you are still with him. He has proven he has no intention of leaving. Don't waste more time on a relationship with no future. Find yourself a respectable man and live a happier life.
261564
Because they know they have lost you and that you ment more than the gal he decided to cheat on you with. He wasnt thinking when he did it. Trust me, My husband did it after 3 years of marriage, he NEVER did it again, He said it was the most stupid thing he had ever though of doing and he really didnt think of the consquences,  we have been married 10 years now.
1186591
id say if you cant spice up your relationship enough to where you want to stay together, then their you go. You answered your own question. Its time to call it quits.
721765
he's probably trying not to loose you (for now) by telling you he's leaving.  if he tells you he's leaving he has to deal with hurting and leaving you.  by not telling you he avoids that. you're gonna be hurt when he leaves either way. he might be trying to hang on to you for now. he may just be protecting feelings.
1025263
Take it from someone who has been there, no matter what the background story on his marriage is, he is still married. And he is playing you for a fool. You've been with him for 7 years? For you it may be emotion, but for him it is 100% the thrill. And I'm sure he is the sweetest guy, but he is still using you! Please end it, before you get hurt even more. You deserve someone who puts you first and doesn't look at you as a second choice.
1116666
Sad but true... and I'm sorry to be the first to break this to you... but...\n\nPeople MAKE TIME to do the things they want.  If he wanted to spend time with you... talk to you... HE WOULD MAKE IT HAPPEN.   Job schedule, busy family life, anything else is just an excuse.\n\nDon't TELL someone you love them... SHOW THEM... \n\nOne of the ways you SHOW them is to SPEND THE TIME with them that you can.\n\nSorry... you seem sweet... but from the outside looking in:\n- If you don't know in 9 months how he feels... somethings wrong there and\n- If he isn't spending major time with you... You may be alone here... in your affections.\n\nMove on... you'll find your next choice much more ATTENTIVE.
805533
Its natural for you to feel this way and what will happen to you. And no he doesn't need your permission, same as if you had decided. Look hard cold facts here you were both not living a marriage you even said he's never home and during the day you didin't see him and  no intimate relationship this shouldn't have come as a shock to you. Humans have needs and wants I know your need is the kids and a roof over your head and money in the bank but he's more than a bank machine . He too needs something and he wasnt' getting it. Sorry to say but this marriage was over a long time ago.  You should now start thinking of your own happiness and future and let him find his happiness you only go around once. Why would you both want to stay in a loveless marriage it wouldn't be good for either of you. I know some women dont' need a lot of sex and as long as the man brings home the bacon there happy. But for the man he's not. So its time to move on and let him find his happiness just as you will . \n\nAnd what will happen to you . well you will become more independent go out and get a job and pull up your boot straps your starting a new chapter in your life. You can do this. Happens every day.\n\nSorry for your marriage but if people arn't happy why stay in a loveless marriage.\n\ngood luck
94389
If he cant tell you that he loves you then there's a huge problem. Coz he shd be able to tell u he wants to save the marriage coz he doesnt want to live without you!
27081
Some people don't believe in marriage.  After being with him for 5 years you should know what his views are on this.  If he believes that marriage is something that is important, maybe he isn't ready to make that big step.  \n\nMarriage is a very huge step.  I think this is why there are so many divorces in our current times.  aprox. 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  This is not how it is ment to be.  When marriage vows are taken they usually and should include "until death do us part"  So perhaps you should be happy that he wasn't in any rush to tie that knot.  I am sure if you are both in love and it's ment to be you will get married and it will be even more special because you will know that you took your time and know it is RIGHT.  \n\ntalk to him about it.  See what he says.  Have a heart to heart.  If you can't do that with him now - perhaps you are not ready to be married yet.  So take some time to really dig into your heart and into his and see what you come up with.  \n\nIf you get married - Please do it for life... not like at least 1/2 the people out there do it... make that commitment forever.  Or don't do it at all.  \n\n:)  I hope you will get married.  It is the most wonderful thing a man and woman can do - Be commited to each other through thick and thin.  It is a true blessing.
359950
There are other occupations where spouses are seperated for long periods of time and alot of those survive. Tell him that you think the marriage is starting to drift because he isn't around much anymore. Ask him to prehaps take sometime off and possibily cut down hours (if it would allow him to see you). Also another soultion would be to move in with him.
832716
he will never know the true u, he has a preconcieved idea of who he thinks u are, based on his own belief system, and his thinking. life is way to short to put up with a man who treats u as he does. sounds almost as if he don't really want to be there that maybe he would rather be somewhere else. he doesn't value you, if he did he would treat you better. if u have spoken to him and told him how u feel and still he continues to treat you like this, maybe it's time to get out of the marriage, and quit kidding yourself. when we get hurt it takes awhile to forgive and get over a trust issue, one can't just go back as they were. maybe it's time to make some changes for yourself, and decide if your really happy in this relationship. sounds as if you depend on him financially and need to stay for that reason, but that's never a good reason to stay with an angry hurtful person. sounds as if he hates himself, and maybe he has someone else in his life.
789219
You can't force someone to love you so if he wants to leave you should let him.
1032870
It sounds as though he is the one not being honest here.  You're right, you don't end a four year relationship over something like this without at least talking about it.  There has to be something else that he is not telling you.  Perhaps he got scared after you moved in and decided he wasn't really ready to take that step after all and this is just his way of getting out of it.  There could be lots of reasons, but one thing is for sure... without trust you have NO relationship.  And right now, he doesn't trust you.  Clearly he has some issues that he needs to deal with, and the best thing for you, hard as it may be, is to let him go for now.  If you two are truely a match, he won't be gone for long.  And if things don't work out, better now than several years from now when it would be even more painful.   Breaking up is never easy and often leaves one or both people with hurt, confussion, and a lot more questions than answers.  Try not to be so afraid of the pain that you loose yourself trying to please him, or judge him too harshly at a time when neither of you are at your finest.  Give it time and you will both find your way through this, whether it's together or apart.
9442
You cant hold on to something thats not there...You can continue to do your end of the vows and pray that he will have a change of heart but ultimatley in marriage love comes and goes but its commitment to that person that will keep a marriage.  Apparently hes never had that commitment to hold on to you for "better or for worse".  He obviously moves according feeling not any thing else.  You keep your end if hes not willing than let it go--More advice? chrystaldr@yahoo.com
165753
Because he's a jerk, just like my ex! If he's doing it now, he'll never change! I lived through that for 12 years before I got the courage to finally cut my losses. (We were married for 4 1/2 years, and was together for another 8 years after that..if you want to call it "together") I'm better off now, because I have a very loving husband who would go to the ends of the earth for me!
363859
And he hasn't left his wife? well it doesn't  look like he feels the same even if he says he does he is just saying that b/c his heart is still with her, there are billions of men out there, why one that is married. You should end it, have more respect for yourself that you are implying that you have, you are portaying yourself to be a homewrecker.