I need good comebacks!!!?
465959
You're ugly: "How can that be - you wouldn't go out with an ugly chick now, would you?"\n\nYou're gay: "Guess that means we won't have sex, will it?"\nYou're a guy: "Whip it out and let's see who has more balls!"\nYou stuff your bra: "Not that YOU'LL ever find out!"
885729
shame yours were the best........\nYahoo should do a minute silence because no laughs will be about now!!!!
771454
Tell them to F*** off !
1110872
My mate likes to use cheesy chat up lines here is some of his favourites.\n\n     Hey Baby. I may not be Fred Flinstone but I'll sure make your bed rock\n   \n     Are you a parking ticket?\n-Why?\n    Because you've got fine written all over you.\n\n    Did you here the one about the polar bear and the iceberg?\n\nSad hey\n-No\n    Neither did I, but it broke the ice. Didn't it?\n\nAnd the ultimate worst one he uses is\n\n    I might be the ugliest guy in here but I'm the only one talking to you
1105379
Keep them comming hun. you got the best jokes in town....online town that is, LOL
1021590
lol funny bumper stickers\n\nMy Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom \nAll Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets\nSome people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. \nAll men are idiots....I married their king. \nEver stop to think, and forget to start again? \nConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.\nMake yourself at home .....clean my kitchen\nI thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck \nWhisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."\nAdults are just kids who owe money. \nWho are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? \nI'm just driving this way to get you mad.\nKeep honking, I'm reloading.\nHang up and drive.\nI said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.\n\nok this is a true application from the girls father to the guys lol i was lmao and i still am \n\nAPPLICATION FOR PERMISSION\nTO DATE MY DAUGHTER\n\nNOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.\n\n1. NAME__________________________...\n\nDATE OF BIRTH___/___/___\n\n\n2.HEIGHT__________________WEIG...\n\n3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________\n\n4. BOY SCOUT RANK__________________________...\n\n5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STAT...\n\n6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________\nIF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN_______________________...\n\n7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________\n\n8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE...\nTRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____...\nDO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__\n\n9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________...\n\n10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...\n\n11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...\n\n12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?_______________________...\n\n13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?_______...\n\n14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)\nA. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________\nB. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________\nC. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________\nD.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________\nE. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________\n(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)\n\n15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________\n\nI SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.\n\n______________________________...\nSIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)\n\nTHANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)\n\nlol ur moma  jokes \n\nYo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."\n* Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levi's?"\n* Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius.\n* Yo mama's so stupid, her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.\n* Yo mama's so stupid, her shirt says TGIF- **** go in first.\n* Yo mama's so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.\n* Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen
751715
Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?\n\nHere's a good list of some:\nhttp://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/insult.html\n\n\nThis is always fun, too:\nhttp://dmoz.org/Recreation/Humor/Insults/
321810
Tell them the old stand-by. Opinions are like as*holes, everybody has one.\nYou could also throw rocks. That usually works.
616102
Honestly, just ignore them. Tell yourself.. "Who cares", smile, and walk away. If you get upset by what they say, its their gain cos thats what they want. The key is not to take what they say seriously, even tho' it may be a major OUCH phrase they use. Just think of it as (the lamest and unfunniest) joke ever, and move on. :)
747824
lol good ones \n\ni was talking to my friend and i asked her " do you know why it's considered bad to drink and drive?" \nshe said "because you might crash nito someone when you're drunk and whatnot"\nand I was relating ti to one of you jokes and I said in a calm voice.." uhh...no" she said why i said still in a calm voice " cause you might spill your drink duh" \n\nso she was drinking soda and spit it out all over the plave ugh \nlol sorry it was long =] but thanks fro the jokes
1186734
http://www.bluedonut.com/100jokes.htm
233806
well call me lol\ntalk to blanks
207978
Two guys sitting around drinking...\n\n"Dude, you should put this ring in your tongue!"\n"No way, Dude, that would hurt like hell!"\n"You do it dude."\n"I don't know. Dude."\n"Come On Dude, The Chics will dig it. Besides ur wasted."\n"K sounds cool Dude."\n"Stick out your tongue dude, so I can pound this nail in to make a hole."\n"OWWWWWWW" "Dude, you pounded a nail in my tounge, You Dick!"\n\n"It's cool Dude, Check out your ring."\n\n"Oh Wow dude, Once it stops bleeding, this will Rock."
696309
"damn, sh*t, respect my f*cking authoritah!"\n\n"dog sh*t taco!"\n\n"blood drenched frozen tampon popsicle!"\n\n"f*cl! sh*t! c*ck! azz! t*tties! b*ner! b*tch! m*ff! p*ssy! c*ck! butthole!  barbra streisand!!!!"
216059
AM I FUNNY ENOUGH? HOPE SO...\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
371616
if i made u laugh, would u please give me ten points???\nbecoz i never had 10 pts. in my life ever!!!\npromiz...\n\nseller: can i help u sir?\nman: my wife needs bra but i dont know the size.\nseller: touch my breast sir and try to estimate.\nman: oh, i 4got she needs underwear too!!!\nhahaha....
1006825
Random humour is by far the best!\n\nchocolate pants!