how cani help my friend get over the death of her mother.It has caused her much pain she is not wel am worried
467070
Be there for her.  Let her talk and talk and talk.  But don't force it.  If you know any of her anniversaries (eg. this time last year mom and I went on hols, this would've been mums birthday, etc.) then mention them to her.  These are hard days and she'll be comforted that you remembered and realise how tough it is for her.  As time passes her pain will lessen and she'll really appreciate your friendship.\n\nMy mum died and even tho she's no longer with me she's still a big influence in my life.  Your friends mum will always be with her too.\n\nEveryone needs a friend at times like this.  Thank you for looking after your friend.
201674
All I can tell you is to continue to do what you are doing...being there for him. When my mother passed away suddenly, without the forewarning your friend has been given, it was someone like you who helped me through it, even though she didn't know how much she held my broken heart together.\n\nYou may never know your healing effect upon your friend, sweetheart, but just be there for him...a rock, a shoulder to cry on (when men aren't supposed to be allowed to show such weakness), the one he can call in the middle of the night when it gets really tough. Even if he never comes out and says it, you will have made all the difference in the world.\n\nAnd isn't that all that each of us wish to do at least once in our lives for someone else?
202231
YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY GRIEF, sweety you can only comfort. Put your arms around her and hug her real tight, she'll understand. There are no words to heal the lose of a child only the willing and open arms of another. I live in Arkansas and I pray for my daughter everyday cause it's terrible out here. With GOD comes peace.
160747
One of my friend lost her mother few months back.She is just eighteen years old.I worried at the beggining about how to console her because she liked her mother very much that she was almost in a very disturbed state when that incident happened.\nBut when she returned after few days she was completely normal.I was unable to restain myself and i asked her.she said a little story.The story is a man lost his only son and he was crying and crying and a sage noticed his sad state and he asked abt his sorrows and he explained to him\nThe sage said that he will solve his problem and will give rebirth to his son if he brought enough sand from the house where no death occured.He was unable to find such a home and finally he understood the life's fact that nothing is permanent in this world.After she finished telling me this\nI was really proud of my friend and if she can controll her sorrows then why cant u?Happiness lies in ur hands.
884965
One of the gifts of healing is the relaxation of memories centered in grief. This is a good thing. It is a critical thing. These once sharp and painful memories recede, they are no longer the obsession of your every moment, but move to their proper place: a turning point that you will never truly forget. \n\nSo please do not feel worried if, after almost 20 years, your healing has brought you to hold your mother in your heart always, not just on one particular, special, but sad day. Be at peace. Enjoy life. I am sure that is exactly what she is doing now too.
451491
As I lost my husband to cancer and having adult children, I must tell you that your mother does need you. Your husband will and should understand. No matter what anyone says, to hear that he will be in a better place once the battle is over, will be of no comfort to your mother. It will not lift her burden of taking care of him for all this time either. It's not a burden when you love someone. I'd rather have my husband here. Yes, he's no longer in pain, and yes I'm happy he's not, but when that loss finally happens, you'd rather have him here regardless. \n\nYour mother will not be prepared for the loss when it happens, just as you won't. It's impossible to prepare for that even when you know it's inevitable. I was exhausted from caregiving, I felt alone. You find it hard to talk about your fears to your children, and you find it hard to relay these fears to the person you're taking care of. Your mother needs caregiving too, and she will need you there after your dad loses the battle he's fought so hard in. You will need comfort too, but realize how big of a loss this will be for your mom. You will get that comfort from your husband, but your mom will no longer have her husband to comfort her, she'll need it from you. You don't have to put on a face. Your mother knows it's ripping you apart too. Share that with her, listen to her and reassure her just as she would reassure you. \n\nI feel your pain and your mom's pain. My thoughts are with you.
724397
You would probably want to tell your daughter that losing a family member is hard and difficult especially if they are very close, but being a good friend and show that you are a good friend is always a good route. She needs to understand that losing someone take time to settle in their life, that losing someone like a grandmother is hard and very unsettling, so it will not be quite normal for  a while. Tell your daughter to help her friend as much as friend could. For instance when my grand mother past away, all I wanted was to remember her and never forget her. So we did things she always liked when I was a child. ex: Polished her silver ware, planted flowers to remind me that she was always there. (built a photo frame for her picture) and painted rocks that had our names on it! It is good to remind them of all the good things that they did together. And tell her it will be hard and tuff, but if she feels like crying that she should always let it out and not be afraid too. It was hard as a child to lose a grandmother, but she's still very young at mind to understand all of it! May be this would help!
1122013
I worry about the pain I will have when my mum passes.. it kills me to think about it.. I love her so much and feels like I can't live with out her, I don't care about money as much as I care for her.. I love her so much that I couldn't let her go.. it hurts just to think about it and I don't want that day to come..\nshe is the light in my life, she picks me up when I am down and she feels what I have in mind with out even saying it..\nShe is all I have on earth and worry I will die after her from sadness..\n\nWishing you the best of luck,\n\nGarry
436393
I can't give you advice on what to do with your mother, but what I can do is tell you that to loose a child is the most horrific thing a mother will ever have to go through. It rips your soul apart from the inside out. It has taken me two and a half years to start putting the pieces back together and be normal again. It is a long healing process, that is different for everyone. I do feel sorry for your situation. I don't know all of the dynamics and I'm sure you have your own grief over your brothers untimely death. But just try to picture how you would feel if you were to loose your child. It does sound like you care and are just not knowing what to do, so talk it over with other family and let them be involved also. The loss of a child though messes anyone up!!!!! I've seen alot of people go through this since loosing my daughter. Hang in there and give your baby a big hug, I'll keep you in my prayers.
509247
When my best friend died on his 19th birthday, nothing could stop me from feeling pain. Logic didn't help since "time heals" was advice that I'd alway given to others. It doesn't work when there is very little time between the moment of loss and the days that crawl by.\n\nMy solution was to feel real pain for my friend and carry his memory with me for life.\n\nI now have a tat on my left shoulder (closest to my heart but not easily seen by me) that expresses my love, the pain I felt and my choice to endure these things without stopping my own life because of it. He would have been 40 on 6 Feb 09.\n\nSince then, I've married and fathered two beautiful children. Time did eventually heal my wounds, both physical and emotional but the art on my shoulder allows me to remember when I need to and forget when I should move on.\n\nI dealt with my loss in a very personal manner. Emulating my choice may not be the best course of action for you but perhaps my story will help you know that the pain truly does fade enough so that it isn't the only thing you think about.\n\nI hope that helps.
1001767
I just lost mine 2 days ago and I hadn't seen her in 11 yrs. I had left my home country and have not gone back since then. Also I am not able to leave right now to attend the funeral, it is tearing me up so much.  I feel your pain and understand where you are in this.  As hard as it may seem we simply have to think of the good times in memory and how much joy she brought into our lives.  Life is never the same when your mother passes away, however you must go on.  Maybe you can do something together with family that will keep her memory alive.
871644
Two of my friends mothers have died it is a very sad time because you are without the most loyal, loving, caring, woman you will ever meet in your life. Lets start off with my neighbors. They have a boy my age who was ten at the time and a daughter who was only three when the aweful event occured. Their mother had been hopitalized for almost too months with a very serious cancer and she saddly died. There was a lot of mourning and nothing seemed to cheer either of them or their father up. We tried invited them over for dinner, taking them to the movies, playing whole family games outside like flash light tag, badmitten, soccer, basketball. Nothing seemed to work. I especially felt bad for their young girl who would have to go through puberty and such withouth her mother which I would not have been able to do with out my mother. About a year later it went back to normal and the mourning wasn't still going on even thought they were oviously still upset and probably thought about her everyday. About a month ago a classmate of mine lost her mother. She was at school bright and early the next day which seem odd. She didn't cry, frown, or seem at all upset. This girl and her mother did not have a good relationship. She was in my kindergarten class when her mother was put in to a mental institute and moved in with her grandmother. Her mother had tried to hurt her and hurt herself. I remeber he once telling me her mother had run over her own foot with a lawn mower. There were also many other little strange, gross stories. She never really seemed upset about any of these things happening and I think that is why she did not care much when her mother passed. I think the mourning period will last occording to how close you were to you mother. My neighbor was attached to his mother and was sad for a very long time. My classmate did not have a good relationship with her mother so she did not get very upset about her mothers death. If you friend was attached to her mother she will probably be sad and feel as though a part of her is missing for the rest of her life. For right now there isnt much you can do to make her feel better it isn't a subject that can easily slip your mind. Just try to be kind and wait until she feels better. Don't try too hard that its obvious that you are trying to make her feel better. Good Luck. I hope that you friend comes out okay. All the love too you.
528514
The only way to really deal with it is in your own way. You have to let yourself feel the greif that comes with losing someone close to you. Remember that you are in no way to blame for your friend's death. Many people belive that they could have done something to prevent it but the sad truth is that you really have no control when a person wants death. It's going to be a hard process that will take time because you were close to this person but don't try to avoid the feelings. Pay your respects at the funeral to get some closure and maybe talk to their family. They are going through the same kind of emotions you are right now and you may be able to support eachother. If you find that you just can't function don't give up and seek some help from a psychologist. Anyone going through this kind of greif can use someone unbaised to talk to so don't feel bad talking to a counsellor of some sort. Above all just give it some time and try not to bottle up your feelings. It will get better and you don't need to feel guilty when you start to become happy again. Your friends would have wanted it that way.\n\nTake care.
882682
You miss your friend.  Thinking of her, remembering things from the past keeps her alive in your heart and mind.  \n\nA lot of people go through a long life, and when they are gone, they leave nothing in anyones heart.  She left you with memories, which will live on with you forever.\n\nEventually the sadness  will ease, sorry for your loss.
740170
All you can do is be there for her when she needs you. Death is a really complicated thing to deal with. I was that girl about 2 years ago, except it was my husband that passed away due to an accident at work. It was extremely difficult for me (and I'm sure the people who had to deal with me) to deal with. All she needs is a real friend. There was one person in my life at that time who was a true friend to me, sat up with me for nights on end when I'd get drunk and cry all night, try to make sense of everything, and hated everyone around me. So, just be there for her, there's nothing you can do to make it better. Just be a good friend. Good Luck! And it's nice to see someone out there who has so much concern for others. God Bless.
786065
when my dad passes away the best thing that comforted me was just having someone to talk to who didnt say "how are you feeling" or "are you ok"...they knew i wasnt ok i had just lost my dad. tell your friend you are sorry about her dad and let your friend know you are there for them and then actually be there for them when they need you...
784979
Im sorry for your loss.  Be there for them by listening to what they have to say, crying with them and remembering memories and good times that you have had.  You of course are going to lose it at some point and do not try not to.  That's really all you can do at this point.  Pray wtih them also.  You will get thru this.