How can you get over a 13 year, marriage with kids that you love and she will not even let you talk to them.?
458505
Generally speaking, as an 'EX' it is very hard to admit the fact that you failed to carry on sucessfully with your partner in a relationship. People say to overcome, to move on... even songs have crazy phrases like 'I will survive'? Will you? Perhaps... but the fact is that there was a connection... when you have a piece of wood you can knock in nails and then take them off... but the hole is there... even if you put more wood or any other material and you sandpaper it and you varnish it... the hole IS THERE...  Nobody gets married without thinking they'll live 'happy ever after', if they didn't think this way... they wouldn't marry.  \n\nYou are always an individual, however when you decide to share your life with someone else... you are an 'I' but also you are a 'We'... it is not just 'me' but 'us'.  When you make decisions, you consider your own needs, your own desires but also the needs and desires of your partner and how this decision will affect you as a 'we' not as an 'I'.  But when one of the two starts makin' decisions as an 'I' it is just the individual, thus is not a marriage...\n\nI completely agree with you,\n\nNOW, THIS IS YOUR QUESTION:\n\nHow can you get over a 13 year, marriage with kids that you love and she will not even let you talk to them?  \n\nACCEPTANCE!  WITH THE ACCEPTANCE COMES THE PEACE... AND WITH IT DISCERNMENT... IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THE SITUATION YOU ARE LIVING... YOU'LL NEVER, EVER GET OVER IT.\n\nPerhaps wot happened to me can help.  And of course, compared to your situation... this is not a big deal but I mean the example.\n\nI wanted to study Marketing, but only private Universities offer the career... I had excellent grades, I had applied for a schoolarship and I got it.  Only the payment of the admission fee left.  My father had told me that he would pay it... and it left 2 days for the deadline when he told me he wouldn't.  I was dazed... HOW COME!  I couldn't accept that so I cried... etc.  Once I accepted that he actually wouldn't... I began to think clearly.  So I went to ask for a loan, but I didn't get it, then I went to speak to the authorities of the Uni, but they did nothing... deadlines are deadlines.  I felt frustrated, depressed and I didn't want to study any other career.  I started a career in Languages... and the first semester was a real hell... because I couldn't accept wot had happened to me.  So, I only got over that when I accepted my situation and I remain possitive that one day I will be able to study wot I really want.\n\nACCEPT YOUR SITUATION AND REMAIN POSSITIVE THAT ONE DAY EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE... THAT'S THE 'FORMULA' TO START GETTING OVER IT!\n\n,-)
462112
The problem with the past is that even though it's over it's never forgotten.  Try more open communication and maybe even counseling.
576835
I'm so sorry you are going through this.\nIf it were me, I would call the ex and his wife, letting them know you want to come for graduation. ask to speak to your child and get their input.. If the child wants you there, then go.. stay some distance from the ex and his wife.. \nwrite a letter to the judge asking to go to this event.. Don't break any laws or restraining orders, going to jail is not worth it. It may seem to be , but its not.\nI don't get along with my ex. and he is the one who chooses not to be in his kids lives...\nNot sure why you no longer have the kids, but you only graduate from high school once... try to go about this the legal way...\nI hope this helps and again I'm sorry you have to experience this..I wish you luck.....
151075
Get over it and get on with your life.\nYou cannot change the past.  Stop living through your memories.\nShe has made her choice or she would not be engaged.
632911
Yes this has happened to me and we had 7 children.  We got counseling and reconciled our differences and just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.  It doesn't always mean the end but you have to decide wether you can forgive or not.  This will have to be your decision!  If he is not willing to let her go and work on your marriage then you will have some tough decisions ahead.
897928
DAY at a TIME. If you still love him then try reverse psychology. Be nice to him, agree with what he says, and he will not know what to do or say. Be mature and tell him, ....OH, I am so tired of us not getting along...it is so old. Interfere in your life? He is still part of your life because of the kids, and he will always be a part. Try it, what could it hurt? I went through the same things, my kids would say....she wants us to call her mom... Then I said ...how lucky...you have two moms. ... And honey, if something were to happen to me, then she would take care of you. IT works !!  I used psychology to get control of any situation..  Oh  and if you want to get him back , just tell him.. I had a dream of us, when we first met, do you remember or say positive things, like...the kids did something today and it reminded me of you, they sure are just like their father. If you are still married, there is still hope if that is what you really want. Good Luck !
344490
This person may not be aware that she is doing this. It probably is the way she talks to her children. The best thing to do and the hardest is to have a sit down talk with her and tell her how you feel.  If she doesn't respond well, try again but with some other adult sitting in to be a moderator.
649133
Tough situation.\n\nI, as one who's been there and done that, can only say you have to do what's best for you. My ex has been married for 19 years to the woman he fell in love with while we were married. I had to leave him in order to move on with my life and have never regretted it. We were not always friends but, in time, managed to find common ground for the sake of our children. \n\nYour child may or may not understand, in the beginning, but time heals all wounds. The main thing, where your son is concerned, is to make sure he understands it has nothing to do with him. Children have a tendency to absorb the guilt when their parents break up and you have to be prepared to deal with obstacles where he is concerned. Never leave him or his feeling out.\n\nThe marriage is obviously through and your wife seems to think she can keep you through your guilt. She knows you well enough to know this will hit a nerve and has no problem trumping you with it. That, in my opinion, is deceitful and manipulative. This being an indication of what the rest of your lives together must be like.\n\nI guess what I'm saying is, everyone will go task for this and the pain will be there no matter what, so why prolong it and take the chance of asking yourself, in years to come, "What if..."\n\nYou are obviously a kind and sensitive person who still cares about your wife as a person and as the mother of your child, but often this is not enough. A loveless marriage is a prison you can only wonder about being freed from. True love is something rare and beautiful. Cut your losses, let your wife go on with her life, without you, where she may have an opportunity to find true love which is obviously missing in your relationship with her.\n\nEach of you is responsible for your own happiness. You should grab yours while the opportunity is there. Your wife may choose to be bitter and angry or to be understanding and to put the child's happiness and welfare first. She is obviously not going to take it well, so be prepared for whatever may come.\n\nYou may think you'll feel nothing, but the break-up of a marriage is always emotional no matter the circumstances. Be sure you are prepared to deal with this aspect as well. Be sure not to leave your true love out of the emotional conflicts you may be going through during this time. You need to be able to share your true feelings with her and she needs to understand where you're coming from.\n\nGood luck and love. :)
873750
I'm afraid all you can do is tell her how you feel and hope she'll listen if she doesn't listen then that's a shame for her because your willing to accept her kids and that is something only few men do.
109845
You should go away because her kids are not going to.If you cant accept her kids it will not work!!
239131
This would probably be a problem for my hubby if we ever divorced because he is not only my husband he is my BEST friend.  We would have even more trouble trying to stop being best friends!  They do share a past together but it is very disrespectful that he does this to you.  Their conversation should be on the children NOT on what each other had for breakfast!  watch this closely because there r obviously feelings still left on both sides.  He will always hold a place for her in his heart-she is the mother of his children but I m with u- they r taking it way too far
486499
I'm really very sorry that you have to go through this  type of situation because i have.Right now I know that it doesn't seem like it will ever get better,but trust me it does.I had been married for 10yrs, together with the same man since high school.He broke my heart left me with a 8,6,4,3month old.To make a looooooong story short(lol)I've been remarried HAPPILY for 7years now.My husband treats me like the Queen that I am,and I most definitely treat him like a King.GOD Bless you and your children(your husband too,he's going to need it)
1165308
Talk to that attorney of yours and have him get you out of the marraige but MORE IMPORTANTLY make sure you have him draw up papers regarding your children!
337196
ask for joint custody. thats the only thing i can say or else go to counsleing to work on the marriage. do not i repeat do not stay together for the kids. it will only hurt the kids in the long run.
528147
Of course you can move on.  And for your sake, I hope you do it real soon.  You were a whole person before you got married, and you still are a whole person now.  Depends on who has custody of the kids, as to how much you can change her bad mouth.  If you have custody, than head for the court, again.  If not, you are just going to have to "suck it up".  \n\nYou might check with a lawyer (yuk! hate to say that) or get legal advice, to see what your options are.\n\nMain thing is to be glad that she is living somewhere, and with someone else.  Let him enjoy her wonderful company, until she screws around with a new man.\n\nI have to say to you, be glad this jerk is gone.
698450
try to talk them about it. They simply can't be like this for the rest of their lives.\nSet up a plan to let them talk privately. And don't try to side with one person.. OK? ;)
489450
Your wife caught you and her mother together, and that is why she took her life.  Don't you think you've provide enough uproar in your children's lives?  Do you really need to keep going down this road and make sure that your children are never able to have a happy home life and relationship of their own?  Do you really feel the need to make sure that your children spend the rest of their lives in therapy?  \nYou will never be a family again, their mother took her life as a result of your actions, she was their mother, and can not be replaced by their grandmother.  And subjecting them to the sick twisted relationship that you've gotten yourself involved in is not helping them.\nPersonally I hope someone in the family that you are now banished from, plucks up the idea of taking you to court and prove you an unfit parent and get those children away from you.  Your not mentally sound if you really truly believe that your wife has forgiven you.