i have 2 kids and their mother is depriving me from them. what's the right way to do?
471674
Don't try to use the kids against her. That's probably what she does, but if you do the same, it will only make things worse. On the other hand, you might have to fight dirty. Don't be dishonest, and don't ever show your anger, but the courts don't reward chivalrous conduct. If you have money, then hire a lawyer with a successfully pro-father track record. If you don't have money...well, I don't know what to tell you then. I hope I never have to face what you are going through.
142567
been there, done that.  your asking for a lot of grief.  just the age situation with the children is a burdon, not to mention the difference between your "going to be" and you.  you yourself said your not mature enough to make a decision...let that alone be a guide for you.  first time marrages are tough enough these days, let alone the second time around ones.  i have had experiance with taking on "the others" kids and it is very difficult to relate to them, win them over, have commonalities with them and just simply get close to them.  and if they are close to you in age i'd think there would be little for them to look up to.  kids are hard to win over when your trying to "replace" their mom or pop.  I'd think hard on this one before I jumped into the fire.  good luck.
504150
Amazing.  \nYou are doing exactly what you should be as a Mom...protecting your children.  How did you learn this from a mother who won't protect her own...or even her grandchildren???\n\nCheering for you!
412093
You seriously need to make some serious changes. You have to create boundaries. It sounds like the requests you have made are falling on deaf hears. It seems to me you are trying to make everyone happy except yourself. Tell them if you are going to live in my house these are the rules if they don't like them they can leave. When your mom came back you could of asked her why are you here? When she said why do i have to tell them to pay the electric bill, it was because she is the one who invited them to stay. The things you are going to have to do will be uncomfortable. Your family will not like the new assertive you. Your mom is dependent on you and you are her co dependent. When she threatened you by saying she was going to leave and you said fine go ahead she was testing you. She did leave but she came back and you let her stay. So now what you say and what she says and your actions don't match. It's like when a parent tells his child no but then lets them have what they want. You have to back up what you say with actions and stick to them. You have fallen into the role of parent. You are not the parent you are the child but now your mom is acting like the child and now you are her parent. I think she should help you more. Do you want your brothers there? You did nothing wrong what i think you possibly feel is guilt because it is your mother and you feel obligated but your not obligated. No one should be taken advantage of.
205338
You need to protect yourself, and it seems you need to do it threw legal action. At this point she thinks she can walk all over you and you will do nothing about it. You need to show her that you are willing to what it takes to protect yourself and the kids. Good luck and don't take that crap.
17538
If the mother of the children is harassing you over child support I recommend you take the matter to court and get court ordered child support.  This will prevent her from continuously requesting more money and it will clearly define what you are responsible for paying.  They usually offer to have the money taken right out of your paycheck automatically so there shouldn't be any problems with her claiming that you didn't pay.
684590
You need to sit down with your mother and be VERY clear that you are your child's parent, and although you appreciate that she loves and cares about your children, they are ultimately YOUR responsibility.  If this behavior continues, your children are going to become very disrespectful of you, and you will have NO authority over them because they will know that Grandma will bail them out.  It's a very bad situation.  Best of luck!!!
134636
the only advice i can give is none.  Your kids are adults, they'll have to learn from there own mistakes.  Just don't judge them or treat them different.  Only thing you can offer is your love.
587492
Yes! Let it go.  They want you to react to their pissing and moaning. Who cares if they sigh, as long as they're doing what you've asked them to do? They're playing their role and the children. You should stay strong and continue be the parent.
1141666
what you need to do is talk to your Lowery and see what you can do to keep in touch whit Ur children as much as passable so it says that you have regular visits with them you should contact my mom because she is try to get her kids back to and i was the first one to come back and she has 6 more she wants back.bttrflynow@hotmail.com plz it will help you a lot
908928
Time to stand up for yourself. Sounds like you have been tolerating this behavior for awhile and you are ready to do what you have to do to make a change.\n\nSet ground rules with the adult children privately. I am assuming the adult children are either your sons or your daughters. Be very exact about where you stand and explain respectfully but firmly that you are not a slave or a maid. Tell them you enjoy spending time with them but if it means more work for you then that time will become less.\n\nIf you are dating because you are divorced from their father, explain that you are not dead and you are entitled to a life that does not require their approval. \n\nRemind them that you fulfilled your obligation to them as a parent and now you will give them the same time and space and respect to raise their own children without having to cook and/or clean up after them
949241
This probably isn't the most constructive answer, but I would just wash my hands of that family.  Unless she wants to drop her kids off for a sleepover at your house from time to time.  And I would stop buying them stuff...she's taking advantage of you.  Just treat them well if she brings them over.  And when they misbehave in your home, discipline them.
395897
it will break my heart too!..but they're just kids, they don't know much yet..best thing you do is not to get out of the picture...spend time with them if you are permitted to (don't know your situation anyway)..tell your kids the you love them very much and that the wicked stepmom is just acting it because you're not there..step down to the level that your kids will understand...i'm sure they will get what you mean...as for the stepmom, don't show that you are devastated by this scenario...coz if you do...it will just encourage her more...
1079612
Seems like you need to get away from your mother and boyfriend.\nI also think you should tell them that they are at the point of driving you insane.  If need be, get a boyfriend that will cause you less stress. Since you can't get a new mother, just limit your contact with her.
697104
you poor thing. no parent should treat their kid that way. or act that way around their kid. tell your mom that you love her, but your relationship is being strained. you are acting as the enabler. if the roles were reversed, would she seriously let YOU "mooch" off of her?
661867
Although I believe a child's place is with his mother, this woman doesn't deserve to have children. If I were you I would try to get full custody of the child. It is clear she will always use your son as a financial benefit for her not your son.Your son is a blessing for you, to bad for her if she can't see it. Get rid of that scumbag and devote yourself to give your child all the love that is obvious your wife can't give him.
688607
I'm afraid you're stuck.  In the court's view (and mine too), you helped make that child, and, thus, are responsible for helping raise him.  Your ex's response to you, however, is mean and vindictive.  Someday he will find out you are alive and wonder why she lied about you.  Continue the child support for your son's sake.  At least then you can say that in spite of the meaness of his mother, you still did everything you could to help in his rearing.  He will someday understand that it was his mother that forced you out of his life and that it was not your decision.  If you stop child support to spite her, you will hurt your son as well.  If there is to be any hope of a relationship between you and your son when he is eighteen (then your wife can not longer stop you legally), you do not want to hurt him in any way or give your ex any more fuel to use against you.  Be the better person and then stick it to her when you tell your son the truth when he is eighteen!!