Yet another lawyer joke.......................................................................................
459764
He heh..\nMore:\n\nThese are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?\nWITNESS: No, I just lie there.\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?\nWITNESS: July 18th.\nATTORNEY: What year?\nWITNESS: Every year.\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?\nWITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?\nWITNESS: Yes.\nATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?\nWITNESS: I forget.\nATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?\nWITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.\nATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?\nWITNESS: Forty-five years.\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?\nWITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"\nATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?\nWITNESS: My name is Susan.\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?\nWITNESS: We both do.\nATTORNEY: Voodoo?\nWITNESS: We do.\nATTORNEY: You do?\nWITNESS: Yes, voodoo.\n___________________________________\nATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?\nWITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?\n__________________________________\nATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?\nWITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?\nWITNESS: Would you repeat the question?\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?\nWITNESS: Yes.\nATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?\nWITNESS: Uh....\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: She had three children, right?\nWITNESS: Yes.\nATTORNEY: How many were boys?\nWITNESS: None.\nATTORNEY: Were there any girls?\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?\nWITNESS: By death.\nATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?\nWITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.\nATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to \ndeposition notice which I sent to your attorney?\nWITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.\n _____________________________________\nATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on \ndead people?\nWITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?\nWITNESS: Oral.\n______________________________________\nATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?\nWITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..\nATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?\nWITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?\nWITNESS: Huh?\n_____________________________________\nATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?\nWITNESS: No.\nATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?\nWITNESS: No.\nATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?\nWITNESS: No.\nATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that
124325
You should have asked, "How much money does someone need to hire a defense lawyer to get me out of this?" I guess it takes a lawyer that can seperate his values and remember that he is there to make sure the guilty party rights are not infringed upon.I personnally would not want to represent the guilty. But, that is what why we have rights. Guilty or not.. Remember the OJ trial.
638481
lmao: laughing my a$$ off
834192
OMG .................. excellent and really well thought out ..... LOL\nThanks for sharing once again and hope you post more jokes
739974
Yes...get an attorney!!!!
450816
http://www.lawyers.com/index.php
760084
The impersonator is going to end up in jail..this person has gone too far!!\nI've already contacted a lawyer!
849868
heheheheeh........hoooooooooohoooooooooo\nmindblowing joke..................awesum................nicejoke
962144
I really like that one.  I hate lawyers.  They always screw you financially.  That was a good laugh from the belly.  Thank you!
136362
a joke: no! hehehehehe
1135780
OK - have seen a lot of jokes on here.  THIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH.  Thanks........
88739
what a way to fire a lawyer !!!
1120934
ahahahahahahha!! * iam !! that guy deserves a beating ...now u deserve a LAUGH!! on this JOKE!!! wtg! its hilarious 10 stars...geewahuahua!!! ;) thx
793269
have him call his lawyer...
1183872
Read this joke for a change.....\n\nA couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, 'Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix.' The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. \n\nThe husband cringed and said, 'I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost.' \n\nThey walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, 'Come on in.' They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' \n'Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.' the husband replied.\n\n'No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself.' \n\n'OK, great!' the husband said. ' I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem - it's the least I could do. \n\nAnd you, what do you want?' the genie said, looking at the wife. 'I want a house in every country of the world,' she said. 'Consider it done.' the genie replied. 'And what's your wish, genie?', the husband said. \n\n'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't made love to a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.' The husband looks at the wife and said, 'Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care.' The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, 'How old is your husband, anyway?'\n'35.' she replied. 'And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing.'
591131
Only if Dick Cheney goes for Manslaughter for shooting his lawyer, so shut up!!! He was drunk too...
640529
look in the phone book.... wait a minute, was that a joke? suing for defamation of character in Brooklyn? gimme a break