my husband complains that i  don't show the love he desires i am afraid of losing him please help?
456224
Talk to your husband and ask him what it is he wants to to change if he is being reasonable take his suggestions into account and try to implement them, but don't go out of your way to make him happy at the expense of your own happiness. You love each other so you can work though this to make it work.
421897
DON'T  do anything!! hoepfully you have not acted on these feelings, but if you have, you need to come clean with your husband. Sit down and talk with him and tell him how you are feeling,and what made you go out side of your marriage. I am telling you now, it is not going to be an easy task. But there is always hope. Pray about this situation and ask the Lord to restore your marriage.\nDon't Let the Green Gress fool You!!
284032
I warn my husband about this all the time.  I feel me and him don't have a deep mutual understanding of each other.  You know how with some people you have that love and understnading and emotional connection and with others you don't.  he and I don't have that - thought we did but we rushed into the marriage.  I keep telling him that if he continues to be that way - he complains and argues about everything that I am interested in and criticizes me for the way I do things ..doesn't understand the real me. We just doesn't have that real true love "connection" as your wife calls it and "emotional" understanding for one another ... he has no idea what i mean when i explain this to him; I tell him he's gonna be the guy that 10 years down the road the wife will say "i want a divorce" and the entire time he would never see it coming and would wonder "where did I go wrong - i thought everything was fine" ... but you know what .. I commend you for reading books and seeing a counselor.  I try to read books about this stuff to my husband and he gets mad and defensive or he'll just ignore what I'm reading to him.  If she doesn't give you that chance to work it out then she is just fed up and there is no hope.  Give her a little more time - although she probably feels less hurt becasue she knows you are still wanting to be with her so she's not scared about this time apart.  If you were to act like her and accept it - then it would scare her.  When I threaten to leave sometimes and he is beggin for me not to, I feel the urge to leave even more because I know I have the upper hand and he's wrong.  But .. if he would act like he wouldn't care for ex: one time he said "fine I'll pack your bags for you" I felt really vulnerable and hurt but it scared me ... and we ended up making up instead of me leaving.   Take everyones advice - just take it day by day - you'll be fine and she'll come around - if its over just let it go .. use what you have learned to help you out later.  Just note that women need emotional attention and understanding- we are weird like that.
926906
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
1080062
well sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with and believe me I fully understand your situation. There are several reasons why men that say they are unhappy at home won't leave, sometimes it's because they might be unhappy but the wife has no idea there is a problem. But sometimes there is no real problem at home and he just wants something more. What you do depends on how long you are willing to wait if you can't take it anymore then it might be time to move on.
1151151
My guess is your hubby has no idea you are this unhappy.  I don't think your hubby misrepresented himself, I think he was trying his best for you to be with him.  Now that you are, he stopped trying.  Time for a serious conversation.  Honey, I am unhappy, I want to work through this but I need some things to change.  Let him know the things he used to do were important to you.  Let him know one of the reasons you were so certain he was right for you was that he did the little loving gestures, and you miss them.  Tell him you need to hugs and kisses during the day, and more of a lead up to sex than "take your clothes off".  Seriously, you can prepare yourself too, read a sexy book before bed time, think about what excites you, buy some toys for you and hubby to use, watch a dirty movie together.  My guess is since you are so unhappy you haven't taken the time to make hubby feel special either.   I think if you pay him more attention, he may do more of the same.  \nNow to be harsh, you are not with a fantasy man, no one is perfect, stop expecting him to be.  I am sure he doesn't think you are perfect either.   You sound very young, try to be more mature. I think you are saying you were rebounding when you met your hubby, that is your fault not his.\nHonestly though, if you work together and communicate,   I think you can make your marriage work.  Stop thinking about what you want but don't have, start thinking of what you have and how to make it better.  Try to be happy and work with what you have.  \nWe all have moments of doubt, that is normal.  But if you love and respect your hubby and he does the same, you can build something wonderful.  Don't look for the easy way out, try to figure out how to fix your problems (a lot of what you said sounds like your issues not his).  His telling you he didn't cheat but came close, is him letting you know he is not happy either, what can you do to make him feel special and wanted?  In a marriage it is not all about you, it is about "us".  \nHope I helped, good luck!
1025223
I think you already know.  You are not happy in this marriage, your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all.   You don't see any way to get him to change and you don't want to live this way.  I don't like to recommend divorce but if all you say is true than I think that would be the best thing if you want a happy future for yourself.
468842
Stop thinking about it !! Too much thinking and wondering brings about trouble... He may not be as emotional as you by nature, but this doesn't mean he doesn't love you just as much... If you keep up the worrying and the wondering it will show you as insecure, he will get bored with you and will drift away, men don't like insecure women who lack confidence... Just love him and trust him and enjoy your marriage as long as you have it...Good luck
655066
The scorn that 'The Pilot' has just poured out on you in unjustified.  Your husband made marriage vows, you have needs, if he were in your shoes he would probably have done something about the situation long ago.  I think you need to take a complete break from routine, say go to a hotel, order in dinner, and talk to each other.  Remind him of the times he chased you around, tell him how lonely you are, how hurt you feel, how you need more than the nothing you are being given.  With his health problems, I'd be bothering my wife as if every day were my last!\nYou deserve to be loved, more than the love for a piece of furniture, which is all he is showing you.  He loves having you around, wouldn't know what to do without you, etc.  It's very difficult to think of leaving someone you have so much history with, and who is in poor health, but DON'T let guilt keep you unfulfilled.\nTALK!
816869
Hi, has he always been like this or is it just the spell you've been arguing.\nMarriage is hard work and needs constant nuturing from both sides to feel loved by the other side.\nSome people (men and women) have difficulty in expressing themselves, is this your husband?\nIf so, maybe you accepting this as him and noticing the other ways he does express love will help, but there is nothing like a hug and hearing how we are loved so do understand where you are coming from.\nA husband and wife will either knit together over the years or move in opposite directions (like my ex and I) but for it to work you must be moving in the same direction. \nTalking to him and continuing to express yourself, your love is all you can do really, and hope he hears you before you change, because you will in time.\nMaking time for those special moments will also help, there is always another little trick we can pull out the hat to surprise him, reveal another mystery about yourself-try it-remind him of why he got with you. ;)\nJust keep trying until he either wakes up or loses out with the woman he fell for and married, I wish you both luck xxx
179038
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
1001558
Kind understand where your coming from.If you told him you want him  to move and he still wont then start going  out and have fun make him want to leave. i know its hard because you care for him but not love him,but if you don't show him your serious things are going to be the same and does not far for nobody.
911842
communication is the key. maybe you should invite him ot your place and let him know how u feel.  if he loves you and if avoiding you is not his intention, he will comfort you and reassure you that that is not the case.  if your feelings of doubt persist after talking to him, listen! it's your female intuition. good luck....
563566
Love is one thing , lust is another. Sounds to me like he regrets being married and if he was that immature to marry someone and want to start having affairs two months later. He does not know the meaning of love. Of course he is going to tell you he doesn't care about his wife .Because he wants to get you in the bed. I admire you for being an honest person. Tell him to leave you alone, that you deserve better than a man who doesn't take marriage serious. chances are if he would do that to a women he promised to forsake all others for, then he would have no second thoughts of doing it to you. Move on to better things.
536181
You need to tell your husband what you just wrote...he should respect your wishes if it makes you feel this way, maybe you guys should go see a counselor together, make sure you get it out in the open before it gets to late!!!
393245
if your both fighting and not happy why bother to stick it out. if his mother is not nice to you and he wont listen to you when you tell him about it is he really thinking of your best interests? your not married yet and already your not happy, and he seems to not care about that. personally i would not be with my husband if he didn't listen to me when i told him i was uncomfortable about something. as much as you want to put his feelings first you need to think about yourself too. if he doesn't make you feel good about yourself run fast and run hard, a lifetime can be really long when your not happy
279374
Well ive never been threw it but ill be more then happy to give you my 2 cents with out calling you a slut, i think part of it is your husbands fault for not making sure you have what you need, now i know alot of people are going to scream for me saying that but its the truth, in a marriage part of our job is doing everything possible to make sure our partner is getting everything we need from them emotionally or sexually. Thats just the way it works for a healthy marriage, The only bit of advice i could give you not being actually in that situation is to eather pick on or the other, i can see you feeling even more torn when your feelings for this other guy are fostered even more and you cant act on it, not to mention the emotional and sexual frustrations that can easily bring. I can understand why you turned to this other man for support you wernt getting at home. But i can only see you hurting yourself in the long run if you dont cut ties with one of them. That is unless you totally dont love your husband anymore and your just in it for everything youve envested on a tangable level that you dont want to lose. But honestly do you think if you bumped this relationship up with this other guy you would be able to continue this double life, i hate to label it that way but thats the only thing i can think of to call it right off the top of my head, but i think you understand where im coming from. You need to set a game plan in your head on where you want to go in life if things with this other guy keep developing, what happens if this guy says ok ill chuck my marriage will you chuck yours? what if he talks about you guys meeting and making a full flaired affair? What if your husband finds out about whats going on how will you respond? How will your husband? Im not saying i know what you should do or what you need to do, but if i were you i would get a clear picture of what i wanted from your husband or from this other guy. Do you think there would be a possiblity you would be more happy in your marriage if your husband started to work with you on your problems with the marriage? Do you think there is any hope for you marriage now? Do you think your husband is doing the same thing you are on some sort of level? IF he was how do you feel about it? I think you need to ask yourself these kinds of questions and in deep deep detail figure out what you want to do, i dont think anyone in here can really answer those kinds of questions and give you any much more of a clear picture then you seriously thinking about this i wish you all of luck and i really hope you get something figured out on this *HUGS*