When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push up, he pushes the earth down?
411453
The cure for cancer can be found in a single tear from Chuck Norris.  Too bad he's never cried; EVER!
331232
WE ARE ALL MADE UP OF CHEESEBURGER!\n\nonce upon a time...the up above was bored, 1st day he cooks some patty burger, 2nd day he planted some tomatoes and onions and pickles, the 3rd day, he made some mayonaise out off egg, the 4th day, he mixed some ketchup out of bananas, 5th day, he he made soil into bread.. 6th day, he was really getting bored because why does it have to take a week to make a cheeseburger.. so he called in Chuck Norris.. after a few minutes.. walah.. HE SAID LET THERE BE CHUCK NORRIS .. AND THEN THERE WAS CHEESEBURGER.. he realized that he really needs a week to make a cheeseburger..
759750
Because chuck norris was near by
318301
It's a water pistol. He uses it to water plants around the set. Chuck Norris doesn't need a real pistol. Every organ in his body has to be registered as a lethal weapon in every state in the country.
26156
IF a wood chuck could chuck wood, he would chuck about 700 lbs in the course of digging a burrow.\n\nPlease remember that to 'chuck' something means to THROW it, not EAT it.
383626
chuck norris does not use condoms because there is no protection against chuck norris. \n\nchuck norris has counted to infinity twice. and can divide by zero.\n\none day chuck norris walked down the street with a full erection. there were no survivors.\n\nchuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris.
867314
Chuck Norris uses an actual punch as his punch line.
462383
up and down are directions from a gravitional center.  So, one would be digging down from anywhere on the earth's surface until he got to the earth's gravitational center...then he'd be digging up.
580186
code word is CHUCK NORRIS
456497
Chuck Norris doesn't use soap in the shower, BOILING WATER does the trick!
118474
chuck norris references are sooo cool and hip. But I think you should try a little harder...really
381875
-Chuck Norris is the reason that Waldo is hiding.\n-Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.\n-Then again, Chuck Norris doesn't sleep; he waits.\n-Chuck Norris doesn't hunt; the word "hunt" suggests there is room for failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.\n- Chuck Norris' ex-girlfriend once asked him,"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.?" He then replied," How DARE you rhyme in the presence of Chuck Norris!!" and ripped her throat out. Standing over her, he said," Don't F*** with Chuck." Years later, he recalled this incident and the irony of his rhyme and laughed so hard that people within 5 miles of him were deafened. \n-If rock beats scissors and scissors cuts paper and paper covers rock, what beats all three?? Chuck Norris.\n-If you spell out Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
460372
Chuck Norris is the 5th state of matter. The others....don't matter!
259242
I don't like him all that much, I just like the Chuck Norris Jokes!
324607
LOL, yeah right.  Chuck Norris is a tool, to say the very least.  If you want good actors look at Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, Jack Nicholson, etc.  Action heros like Chuck, Arnold Schwartzanegger and Steven Seagal cannot act worth a s***.
1044332
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.\n\nChuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.\n\nThere is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.\n\nOuter space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.\n\nChuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.\n\nChuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.\n\nChuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.\n\nChuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.\n\nThere is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.\n\nWhen Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.\n\nChuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.\n\nChuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.\n\nThere is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.\n\nChuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.\n\nChuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.\n\nChuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.\n\nChuck Norris can slam a revolving door.\n\nChuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost\n\nRemember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. \n\nContrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
693410
To send Chuck Norris back in time to the garden of Eden so he can roundhouse kick the apple out of Eve's hands before she bit it. Then, Chuck Norris would karate chop the snake in half and say, "Here, eat this", and casually walk away while the theme to Walker plays in the background: "When you're in Eden look bee-hind youuu, cause THAT'S... where the Ranger's gonna be..."\n\nBut seriously though, I wouldn't ask for anything because that's pretty selfish. I believe in God so I know he has a purpose for all of us. It's not up to me to tell him what to do... :-)