My husband went mental. I don't wanna divorce him, but i dont wanna live with a crazy guy either. Please help!
397885
If you love him enough to put up with physical violence then you are the one who needs help. You shouldn't leave your spouse because they become mentally ill, but you should the day he started slapping you. Also, if he doesn't want to take an active part in his treatment and recovery(ie taking his medicine on his own) then you should definitely leave him because he doesn't love you enough to want to stop hurting you. I am mentally ill and I am all for helping and understanding people with these illnesses, but violence is not accaptable.
225375
No one wants to be alone so I can understand your fear.  Daydreaming about being single and dating all over again?  Well you say that your husband was the only man you were with so your inexperience with the dating schene may be a little distorted.  Now I am not saying if you split up that you would not be able to find someone else.  But the dating schene has changed in 18 yrs.  Also, having kids and expecting someone to accept them can be a concern, but there are men out there that will.  I guess what I am saying is that when you daydream about something and then act on it, you may wind up in a nightmare.\n\nAs for the marriage, it is tough when one individual feels as if they put out more than the other.  I will assume that you have talked to your husband about this since you say you separated several times.  I will also assume that you have been to counseling to help in solving your issues.  But I still think you can find happiness in your marriage.  \n\nDo you feel as if your husband if asked would be willing to change???  Are you willing to examine what is bothering you inside about being with your husband???  Do you understand what divorce can do to children caught in the middle???  There are consequences to every action and dissolving a marriage is very serious.  If there has been violence or infidelity then I can understand.  I am not saying that these two reasons are automatic divorce, but they make a strong arguement for leaving.  Any other reason I think can be helped.  You say you give a 75% more than him.  Well If you gave that to solving the problems even if you were the only one initiating the change could go a long way.  You just can't continue to do what you have done in the past.  \nSpliting up didn't seem to work for you as you came back together, so your daydream must have not been your reality.\nI think you need counseling and he definitely needs to be involved.  I wish I had an answer on how to approach this.  But I would say just don't give up for the sake of giving up.  Some how you have to let him know how important this is to you.\n\nIt is up to you if you want to keep the security and comfort of your marriage.  It is not impossible to start a new relationship.  A lot of people here at answers make it seem like getting a divorce and remarrying is easy.  I don't agree with this and it is tough when you are on your own.  So beware of the advice you may receive and try to work on what you know and not dream about the unknown.  \n\nWell once again, Good luck and I'll pray for you\n\nWT
890601
Obviously if he thinks you are crazy, then you are trying too hard. Just lay off for a while and see what happens. If it is really meant to be it will. If you keep calling him and calling him, it will only make things worse, and him like you less and less. I've been there.
183469
He has some serious problems with control. I would think if this is the way I wanted to live. He has no right to tell you that you can't do something. He is your husband not anything else. K
261408
This guy is full of it.  If he wanted to leave his wife, he would have already done it.  It sounds more like they are in an open relationship and just aren't telling anyone.  Plus why would you want to be with someone who was so needy that they have to find someone before they are willing to leave someone else.  Come on, if a person is that scared to be alone, they have some serious problems that you don't want to have to deal with.
548856
For the sake of your children and keeping your marriage, I would see someone.  This is deep seeded and if you don't seek counseling I'm afraid more "stuff" will push you into that black hole you won't be able to crawl out of and cause you to do something your family will suffer for later.  Go seek counseling BECAUSE you love your family.  I'm sure your husband will support you if he is a good man.  Best wishes to you.
813755
Just remember that you always have control over your own situation.  If you are in a bad marriage don't be afraid to leave.  Get out of that comfort zone and don't let fear of the unknown stop you.
383881
You can't.  Period.  Sorry, but if you went into the relationship thinking you could, don't ever do that again.  Let him know that you won't tolerate being controlled, and if he can't live with that, than walk away as soon as you can.  He could turn violent.
1156045
You don't need to be in that kind of marriage, you can do better than that, take pride in yourself, and get out, get away from him, because he may be emotionally abusive right now, but it can turn to physical abuse later, and then it may be too late to get out except by way of a coffin, please, don't make the same mistake I did, I left only after my ex- cut my throat with a piece of barb wire wrapped around my throat, and shot a double barrel shotgun off by my left ear(hard hearing in that ear now) in front of our children.  I thank God for nosy neighbors, that heard everything and called the police, so, I send out praise to all the nosy neighbors in Manchester, Tennessee.   Get out now while you can, ask a friend to help you get out, or you can call the domestic violence shelter, and ask them to help you,, don't become a VICTIM of domestic Violence, be a SURVIVOR.  Best of luck to you and God Bless, I will keep you in my prayers.
1081449
I WAS married for a long time and it took me a long time to get the strength to leave him. I should of done it sooner. If you are scared find some sort of support group or email me. \nOnce I was away from him, I realized how crazy things and it was way worse then I ever imagined. I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment. But, it can be broken if things are bad enough.  Find a friend who you can depend on to do what you must do. If you have exhausted all hope of improving things, then you need to gather your wits and be strong and do what you need to do. I stayed way to long and it really harmed my two youngest children. They paid a huge price.
541280
I really think you guys need to sit down and talk.  Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.  trust me, not talking is worse. My husband and I never talked about our feelings, and if your on here a lot you know my situation. If not, after 20yrs. of marriage, I'm looking at DIVORCE.
700602
Ugh...what a mess. Look, no one is perfect and there are a ton of people on here who will tell you what a bad person you are because of this scenario. First and foremost, please remember no one has the right to judge you. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone hurts people...nobody is above this. Please don't listen to all the horrible words posted here. It doesn't make you a "bad" person...but you are troubled and confused and this situation is only going to lead to so much hurt and pain for so many people, especially the kids. I hate to say this, but most likely he will stay with his wife. I know you love him and can't imagine a life without him, but you have to right now. You're both obviously in marriages that aren't working. This is where you need to focus your efforts right now. If you're so in love with him wouldn't you want him fully devoted to you? I thought so. And if he truly loves you, then he'll want to be with YOU and only you. For your own health, well-being and safety, stay away from this right now. If there's any hope for the two of you, it will be later on when all the issues have been dealt with and all the pain has healed. I wish you all the best.
671743
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
213495
It's called commitment and it's very natural to have a sense of fear.  Some people are afraid that things will change dramatically when the marry and they do.  The key is to try and keep moments of being carefree and remember this is a union and so it is something to be worked at by both.  Make sure he knows of your fears of things changing and try and work together to keep things the way they were when you were just dating...Keep on dating even after marriage.
805533
Its natural for you to feel this way and what will happen to you. And no he doesn't need your permission, same as if you had decided. Look hard cold facts here you were both not living a marriage you even said he's never home and during the day you didin't see him and  no intimate relationship this shouldn't have come as a shock to you. Humans have needs and wants I know your need is the kids and a roof over your head and money in the bank but he's more than a bank machine . He too needs something and he wasnt' getting it. Sorry to say but this marriage was over a long time ago.  You should now start thinking of your own happiness and future and let him find his happiness you only go around once. Why would you both want to stay in a loveless marriage it wouldn't be good for either of you. I know some women dont' need a lot of sex and as long as the man brings home the bacon there happy. But for the man he's not. So its time to move on and let him find his happiness just as you will . \n\nAnd what will happen to you . well you will become more independent go out and get a job and pull up your boot straps your starting a new chapter in your life. You can do this. Happens every day.\n\nSorry for your marriage but if people arn't happy why stay in a loveless marriage.\n\ngood luck
997536
have you tried going to counseling? there are more was to abuse someone than just physical, there is emotional and mental.  so you feel he is being that way to you? i am divorced also,i did not give up on my marriage until he did not want to be there.  he didn't want to be there because i started fighting back, he had gotten physically and mentally abusive.  i had two small boys at the time and they were effected by his behavior also, even though it was not directed at them.  it was my son was 4 years old made the comment that we should live elsewhere, that i realized everything was over.\ndo i regret getting divorced, no, because i felt i tried everything to keep it together, and was hanging in for the kids sake.  when that was said to me i realized it was better to get the kids away from him.  if you can leave with a good conscience than do it.  no one has the right to take away your self respect or self esteem.  good luck in whatever you decide.
1170935
There are lots of things to consider here and I'm not about to counsel someone we know nothing about.\n\nThere are so many questions that need answers before advice can be given.\n\nSo, here's the cliff notes version:\n\nDo you have regular romantic intercourse?\nPassionate men often turn violent when they are robbed of their intimate other's attention.\n\nWhat has changed since you got married?\nHe may resent you for something you didn't do.  Men sometimes want to please their wives so much that they deprive themselves of other activities.  For instance, has he been out with his friends much?\n\nDoes he have secrets???\nGet a sample of his handwriting and look at the "o".  If his o's have two loops at the top that intersect, he has the liar trait and is keeping something secret from you bye lying.\n\nReason I tell you this, is often, men turn violent when they are lying about something.  The tension from trying to keep it a secret and the unhappiness from not being able to live the way they want makes them crazy.\n\nHe gets mad when you cry because of his own insecurities about the relationship.  He sees your tears as weakness.  Perhaps you need to stand up for yourself.  Shouting and argueing do very little, so take action.  Make rules and make them stick.  (you may want to experiment being the agressor in the bedroom.  grab him, force him, make him the submissive once in a while.  He'll see you as an equal then)\n\n\nI know, from my own experiences.\n\nCheers darling and good luck.