How do I get my husband to help me more with the kids & house work?
411735
Hey I'm in the same boat, but this is what I'm going to try this weekend. I'm going to sit my husband down face to face without t.v. therefore he can really see how serious I am. I'm going to lay everything out, let him know exactly everything in which i do daily, weekly, and monthly. Let him know how tired, and worn out I am. Ask him to put his feet in my shoes and tell me would he be able to do everything I do on his own. Then I am going to ask for one or two hands of his help regularly, and permanently not just temporary to make me happy.
1014025
I like the one before me but that does not always work if this is something that is really important for his life. then if you have kids ask him does he plan on being around when the get out of school or when they have kids I wish I had pushed harder on my husband he might be a live today if I had pushed  a little bit more.better yet show him this and let him read the answers
478291
Well in my opinion he already knows that his commander is a d*ck, but nothing worth doing is easy. I would want my wife to support me, not let me know how crappy my position is. I know that already. Give him something to look forward to and cherish the time you do get with him. Many other women have bigger problems than "my husband works to much." You have your whole life ahead of you two to spend time together, let him get ahead in life now so that you can grow old, happy and rich together.  Support him he sounds like a good one.
1049554
Yeah! These people are aTTACKers, aren't they...but helpful, too. Don't delete your question because I'ma watchin' it, girlfriend!\nWell, I say if he has the NERVE to check you on YOUR DAILY WORK, then you can get that same nerve.  \n\nThat is the trade-off, right.  And he wouldn't want to switch with you.  Tell him on a Saturday morning or a day off to track what the heck he does all day! Projects take longer than men think.  I like to get everything done in the 1st two hours of of the morning hustlin. Then, no matter what I do it's just done and the happy husbands off\nmy friggin' back.  \n\nTell him if you spent as much time cleaning up after HIM as you \ndid on the other household, necessary daily chores, he'd HAVE\nthe neat, sparkly perfect home he desired.  He'll get mad, that's just that tender little species of fragility and gentleness called\nTHE MALE EGO.\n\nTo those people who are working do NOT assume SAHM is\na dream job.  Its not for lazy bums.  Not the hardest work, \nbut important and challenging, more than you'd think.
478968
Does your man work?  Are you receiving child support?  What are you doing for work now?  Do you have any talents that your friends keep complimenting?\n\nIf your married and your man works... he gets a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th job and you eat rice and beans (but you eat), buy your clothes at the thrift store (but you still dress decently) and downsize the car (but you still get around).  Maybe you take in babysitting.  \n\nIf you are a professional/semi-pro, maybe you take your work home to do on the computer.  If not, maybe you have a special talent that people are always telling you that you should persue.  \n\nThere are At-Home-Mom magazines that talk about this thing as well as entreprenurial magazines that could give you some great ideas.\n\nGood luck mom!!!
865964
Help him (or her) to find things that he's good at.  Compliment him on things he does do well--simple things like shoe-tying, buttering bread, taking turns, etc.   Get him to help you with things and when you do don't say "will you..." say "I need you to..."   It's great for kids to feel needed.  And mostly, just love him.
705100
Tell you husband you need more help when you are at his parents house.  Have him listen up and the next time your MIL directs concern to you he can jump in and handle it.  The other option would be for you to ask your husband to handle it in front of your MIL so she can get the message you are equally responsible for the kids.
702071
Show your fiance all the answers, but especially let her read mine.  I will address it to her.  I am 52, I have been divorced for about 12 years now.  I virtually raised my 3 kids on my own. I love them will all my heart.  I never forced them to clean up their rooms. I never forced them to wash the dishes.  I allowed them to have free will...in short I really didnt put many boundaries in their lives at all.  My son is 19....he still lives with me, and hes an absolute pig, he treats me like a maid.  I come home from work and dishes are piled up in the sink, so the first thing I do is clean up after him.  I work long hours and I dont need to do it, but its all my fault...he has no respect for me and when I ask him to pull his weight we end up in an arguement, so its easier for me to just clean up after him.  I now have my 26 year old daughter living with me now after her relationship broke down.  She is just the same....she does nothing.  I am responsible for 2 grown adults who should be responsible for themselves and I only have myself to blame.  I was too soft on them and now I am paying the price.  They love me, I have no doubt about that, but they certainly do not respect me.  I would love a man to come into my life and give me a break and take some responsibility off my shoulders.  I would love to have a man like your fiance who loves you enough to want to work out solutions to this situation.  Your children are rude and they need to show respect.  Your fiance is right in everything he wants to do.  If you dont allow him to be the man of the house and take responsibility then it will be you and your kids against him for the rest of your lives and it will eventually destroy your relationship.\n\nFor this to work, you have to work with your fiance, you have to show a united front because as soon as you show you dont agree, then your kids have got you where they want you, and your fiance wont stand a hope in hell of bringing this family together.  It has nothing to do with the father, you should not be discussing anything with him.  This is yours and your fiance's life and if the kids are going to live there in harmony, then the only thing you need to consider is how the kids, you and your fiance can live in peace...and that has nothing to do with father.  If it hurts you too much to see your fiance take charge and put in boundaries....then walk away.  Tell your daughter that you dont want to talk to her without your fiance present because you and your fiance are now partners and if she is unhappy, then he needs to be involved as well.  Im telling you now taking the hard line with your daughters now will have immense benefits for everyone's future.  You should be so happy that you have a man who loves you enough to work through these problems...but it has to be with you, not against each other.  A lesser man would put it in the too hard basket and not marry you.  You are a lucky woman.  Dont let your kids ruin your relationship.  They need to be taught some manners.
1049333
simple! ask your husband help for cleaning the house..
645356
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
1094543
He should not be bossy and neither should you in this situation. He should be the head of the home though and make all the major decisions and you should be allowed to have input in this too. Compromise is important here. I recommend the book the Power of A Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian to you. It is a great book and they sell it in places like Walmart. Love your husband where he is at and maybe he is bossy because you are.  Try not to be so bossy and let him lead some and see what happens.
1015250
You both have tough jobs, and I can't see you affording a maid service. I would suggest a 60% for you and 40% for him.\nWhy don't you sit down, and write up a list of all the household chores, that need doing, and see if you can't work out some equitable schedule. \nThere will be some jobs, he doesn't mind doing, and the same for you. Forget about percentages, as long as you both pitch in, then neither of you will feel put upon.
661629
First of all, I really feel for you both.  I have been there in a temporary situation, but I knew my husband's job was going to change in 3 months, and we didn't have kids.  But there are things you can do.\n\n#1: Try to have a meal together every day.  My guess is that he can meet you on your lunch break (and have breakfast) and maybe you can meet him for his lunch break, maybe even with the kids sometimes.\n\n#2: I don't know what kind of vacation benefits you guys have, but you need to plan a long weekend.  (Note: sending the kids to your parents and staying home to watch movies and eat chocolate dipped strawberries and champagne counts as a romantic vacation!)\n\n#3: Leave cards or even post-it notes in his car to remind him of you.  He might start doing the same for you.\n\n#4: Plan one night a week that you will stay up and wait for him\n\n#5: Say Goodnight every night.  Call him before you go to bed.\n\n#6: My favorite quirky thing about my marriage...celebrate monthaversaries.  Even if it is just a special card or a flower, celebrate your marriage every month, not just once a year.\n\nI wish you luck and hope that your husband's work situation gets better soon!
1019625
I know the feeling! I work full time and my husband is disabled and home 24/7. He takes care of the housework (it may not be like I do it, but it's done & clean), laundry, cooks most nights and takes care of my 15 & 13 year olds. If they need to go somewhere, he takes them. My whole family blames him for us not having everything they do. I wish they could live in his body for one day and maybe then they'd understand. It works for us but it's not mainstream so everyone else thinks he's a freeloader. Sorry, I can sympathize with you, but I can't help.
529801
Well you just cannot continue this pattern first of all. It seems to me that he has changed quite a bit so if the only thing you have a problem with now is that he will not help around the house you need to decide if him not helping around the house is worth your family and marriage. If you feel that it matters that much to you that he help around the house then yes leave after you seek counseling. You owe it to the children to use every resource available to make your family work. But if it is not going to then atleast you done everything possible.
683232
You need to obey your marriage vows!! You married him for better or worse to death do you part! So, this is a worse part! Don't leave him. Talk to him and help him get a job. Or if he wants to be a Mr. Mom then, show him how to get the house hold jobs done!!! \nMarriage is for life!!!
229170
Get to know your kids interests, and if its baseball take them to a game, play catch in the back yard. Try to enjoy their interests with them and show them the ropes on some of your own, lets say you like NASCAR teach them how the cars are designed to go faster. With your wife. Find out what you can do around the house to keep her stress level lower, maybe she just would like help with the dishes or help folding laundry, they arnt chores if you find time to do it together and have a good time joking around in the process. Let her know she can vent to you about her day, and when she has a problem ask her if there is anything you can do to help fix it. if she says no then just take it as she just needed to let off some steam and talk to someone about it. But just cause your asking this makes me think your a good husband and a good dad because you care enough to try to be better :)