Does anyone know any material science jokes?  If so, what are they?
404386
I BLEW UP MY VERY FIRST EXPERIMENT\n\nI have the dubious distinction of having been the only one I know to have\nblown-up my very first chemistry experiment.  Basically it was done not so\nmuch to acquire knowledge as to familiarize us with the equipment.  The\nidea was to put some materials on a flat piece of steel, place it on a ring\nabove a bunsen burner, and heat it.  As I recall we had a strip of\nmagnesium, some sugar, a piece of iron, some sulfur and a few other odds &\nends.  The sulfur was the only thing that did anything interesting (so\nfar).  It's important to note the arrangement of the counters on which we\nworked.  The tops had a sink off to one end and there were two gas valves\nfor the burners, one on each side of the sink's faucet with the outlets\npointing toward the sink.\n\nAnyway, once I had successfully made the collection of stuff on the steel\nplate red hot and noted the results on paper it was time to clean up.\nUnfortunately in the process of shutting down the heat I had pulled the\nhose off the gas valve shortly before turning it off.  The gas collected in\nthe sink.  When the hot metal met the gas: WHOOMP!  Credible observers tell\nme I was standing there momentarily enveloped by a bright blue ball\n that stretched from the sink to the ceiling.  I lost most of my eyebrows,\nthe hair on my arms, but got a fairly good haircut once I'd shampooed the\nodor out.
216587
It's been said that any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic.  Let's try a few of the older but lesser known ones:\n\nAbout 15/20 years ago material science came up with two new materials which are rather interesting.  The first is Aerogel, a solid which is lighter than air - it will float at room temperature.  The second is called Seagel which is about as heavy as plastic but is as strong as steel, it can be either transparent or opaque and your choice of electrially conductive or not.\n\nHow's that for a start?
557105
Some funny sex jokes.  They're awesome!!!
479920
worlds funniest joke:\n\nA couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"\n\ntwas hilarious when i first heard it.\n\ncheck the link below for full details, theres heaps ;) took part in the survey myself (back in da days)\ncheers
917599
Well, I liked it. LOL. I have seen this before, but jokes ARE for sharing. The human mind is an amazing thing.\n\nHave a great day!
199206
Right lemme try:\n\nA man wanted to buy a car.So he heads to an open air car exhibition.It so happened that day the exhibition was quite empty.He has a look around, deciding which car he would buy.As he was walking along, looking at the cars, closely examining some, he suddenly came across a beautiful sports car.The car was simply beautiful.It was crimson red, full leather upholstery, huge rims, and slick design.Capivated by the cars beauty, he bends down to feel the texture of the leather seat.When he bends, he accidentally breaks wind.Hurriedly he stood up and looked around to see if there was anybody around.No one was around.Convinced that no one saw him, he countinued to examine the car.As he was examining the car, a salesman appeared.So the man asked the salesman what was the price of the car.The salesman answered,"Sir, frankly I would not want to say", so the man asks "Why?" and the salesman answers "Sir you farted just touching it.You are gonna shi-t when you hear the price!!!!!"\n\n;) Hoping for the 10 points.
1081740
Here's a few I found and there sites:\n"Gazing at the ubiquitous testing kit, I grabbed my pump and was very grateful for my access to such jazzy technological fixtures."\n"I would coax the cat to just come inside but she'd rather venture out and pounce the flock of squabbling, fuzzy bees."\nhttp://sixuntilme.com/blog1/2006/06/the_panagram_challenge.html\n\nHow razorback-jumping frogs can level six piqued gymnasts!  \nCrazy Fredericka bought many very exquisite opal jewels. \nSixty zippers were quickly picked from the woven jute bag. \nJohn Prady, give me a black walnut box of quite small size. \nSix big devils from Japan quickly forgot how to waltz.  \nMy girl wove six dozen plaid jackets before she quit.   \nCozy lummox gives smart squid who asks for job pen. \nAdjusting quiver and bow, Zompyc killed the fox.\nMy faxed joke won a pager in the cable TV quiz show.  \nThe quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. \nThe quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. \nThe jay, pig, fox, zebra and my wolves quack! \nPack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. \nFew quips galvanized the mock jury box. \nJackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.  \nThe five boxing wizards jump quickly. \nHow quickly daft jumping zebras vex.  \nTwo driven jocks help fax my big quiz.  \nBright vixens jump; dozy fowl quack. \nQuick wafting zephyrs vex bold Jim.  \nQuick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim.  \nSphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.  \nWaltz, bad nymph, for quick jigs vex.  \nBrick quiz whangs jumpy veldt fox. \nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panagram
591813
By far, best blonde joke I think I've ever heard. (it is long)\n\nCertain words have been changed to protect the censors.\n\nOkay so it's Dec. 24th and a postman is starting his walking route. He comes to the the first house and opens the mailbox and there is a envelope inside that says "mailman" on it. He opens it, it's a $10 bill with a note that says have a nice Christmas. He proceeds to the next house and there is a card that says "mailman" which he opens to reveal $20. He thinks to himself, "Wow, this is going to be a good day!" He comes to the third house and there is a note: Mailman, knock on the door for your Christmas present. He knocks and the door swings open to reveal a beautiful naked blonde woman. She grabs him, pulls him inside and well... anyway, the censors are watching, but you get the Idea.\n\nAs he is putting his clothes back on the blonde woman disappears for a minute into the kitchen and brings back a tray with a huge breakfast on it. Biscuits, gray, bacon, eggs, the works. He's like WOW, thanks and proceeds to eat it. \n\nHe glances at his watch and says, thank you, but I have to get going. As he is moving to the door the blonde hands him a dollar and says Merry Christmas. He's looks at the dollar and then at her and says no thanks, 'maam, you've done enough! She says, oh no, you have to take it, it's my husbands idea. The mailman pauses, "You husbands Idea?" "Yeah," she says, "Last night I asked him if I should do anything for the mailman for Christmas and he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar,' breakfast was MY IDEA!"
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Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
478505
Googled it.  Found nothing.  I think you have a bogus material designation.
555676
yeah OK I have a great 2 jokes for you here but be prepared that they are somewhat well just wrong hehehe ok here we go! enjoy!\n\n#1- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,so he went to a psychiatrist,who told him he needed to build self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.\n   After reading the book on the way him,he stormed into the house and declared, "I want you to know I am the man of the house,and my word is law."I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight.THen after dinner,you are going to draw my bath so I can relax ,and when I'm finished with my bath,guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"\n           His wife responded, "THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR."\n\n#2-A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey,could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light" NOw does it look like I have a G.E.O Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."\n   Well then,could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right". To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have WestingHouse written on my forehead? I don't think so"."Fine," She says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".\n"I'm not a damn Carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so.I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"\n   So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.\nHe starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.As he enters the house,He sees the hall light is working,the fridge door is fixed.\n"Honey, How'd all this get fixed? She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.He offered to do all the repaires,and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."\nHe said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "HELLOOOOO..... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"\n\n#3- A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vagina lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze.Out of emabarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.\n  A wakening from the anesthesia after the surgery,she found three roses carefully placed beside her bed.Outraged,she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"\n   The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this by yourself."\n   "The second rose is from my nurse.She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."\n   "And what about the third rose?" she asked.\n"Oh,that rose is from the man upstairs in the burn unit.He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
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A down on his luck mathematician interviewed for a job as a fireman.  He was asked the question in his interview, "If there was a paper fire in a dumpster, how would you deal with it?"  The mathematician proceeded to describe how he'd get the fire hose and fill the dumpster with water, thereby extinguishing the fire.\n\nTwo weeks later, the fire company, with the mathematician as a new member, responded to a fire at a warehouse.  Arriving at the warehouse, they found a pallet of paper brochures on fire.  Quickly, the mathematician opened a warehouse door, grabbed a pallet jack, pushed the pallet into a dumpster outside the warehouse door, then grabbed a fire hose and fills the dumpster.\n\nThe fire chief was furious?  "What the heck you were doing?" he asked the mathematician.  The mathematician responded, "I simply re-expressed the problem in terms of a problem with a known solution."
1153910
I am not sure. But here is a joke which was pretty funny to me:\n\n"One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged. \nWhen his boss asked him what happened, he explained: \n\n"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang\nand I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!" \n\n"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what\nabout the other?" "They called back!"
1036139
i just received this joke from a text message..\n\nthere is this boyfriend and girlfriend..\nbf: "hon, let's do 69!"\ngf: "what is 69?"\nbf: "it's easy.."\n\nthen they positioned theirselves..\nwhile in that position, the boy farted 4 times..\n\nthen the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"\n\nlolz..
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A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. \n\nThe professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."\n\nThe professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.\n\n"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.\n\nThe pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.\n\n"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."\n\nOne of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
1110872
My mate likes to use cheesy chat up lines here is some of his favourites.\n\n     Hey Baby. I may not be Fred Flinstone but I'll sure make your bed rock\n   \n     Are you a parking ticket?\n-Why?\n    Because you've got fine written all over you.\n\n    Did you here the one about the polar bear and the iceberg?\n\nSad hey\n-No\n    Neither did I, but it broke the ice. Didn't it?\n\nAnd the ultimate worst one he uses is\n\n    I might be the ugliest guy in here but I'm the only one talking to you
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On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.\n\nThe florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is--it's some flowers!"\n\n"That's right!" Shouted the little boy.\n\nThen the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.\n\nShe held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is--it's a box of candy!"\n\n"That's right!" Shouted the little girl.\n\nThe next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" She asked.\n\n"No," the boy answered.\n\nThe teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" She asked.\n\n"No," the boy answered.\n\nFinally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"\n\nThe boy replied, "A puppy!"