My brother is getting married & instead of gifts they want$$ how would i word that without seeming to harsh?
411350
That's not very unusual. \n\nYou could say they want money for a down payment on a house, or to pay for the honeymoon. Tie the money to a specific purpose, and it won't seem so harsh.
940066
Personally, I don't buy for all of my family/friends.Most of the family still give gifts to me as they please, for which I am very, very thankful for and I let them know this. But, I've made it clear a long time ago that I am NOT going to feel obligated to purchase/give gifts - it defeats the purpose of gift giving!!!  \nJust mention politely before the holiday that you won't be giving this year, and "please do not feel obligated to give to me", something like that.\nIf they get snippy that is their issue! You can't be blamed that people have come to be selfish. Some people would rather get something from you knowing you didn't care, than to wait for a heart-felt present. That's their problem!
389978
My parents are helping us out a great deal for our wedding.  My mom has helped me with the planning, the finances, the stress, etc etc.  We are getting my father a nice bottle of wine and a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure for my mom.  When I go into the salon to have mine done the day before, I am just going to surprise her and take her with me.  We are also planning on a nice toast specifically for them and we're also thinking of having a song dedicated to them (to dance to) following the toast. I'm not sure if it's necessarily "customary," but I think it should be if they really help out.  If you can't afford much, just put some thought into it and do something creative.  Make a cd for each of them with songs that remind them of you (or the two of you together).  Definitely do something for them...it's kind of their big day too.
416319
Me and My huband will be married 1 year this sunday. I bought him what he wanted and that was a pair of boots. If i was you i would ask him what he really wanted that is not real expensive and dont let him know what you are getting him. Just something to tell him that you love him and that is all that matters. Good Luck!!!!!
976123
Start with a friendly joke.\n\nI know this guy, his bank rang up and said they think his wife's credit card had been stolen as the were unusual transactions.\n\nHe said "yes he knows"  they said "what do you want to do about it" he said "Nothing" they said "why"  He said "Because they are spending less per month than my wife was"\n\nTalk about why you think they make an amazing couple.  Do not talk about what you guys use to get up to.  Talk about his integrity and loyalty.\n\nAlso mention that, "This is the best wedding you have ever been to"  Tell the group that "You have never seen so many tears of happiness and joy"  Mention that "even the cake is in tiers"\n\nFinally, say "Could everyone please be upstanding.  Please raise your glasses...  May you live as long as you love... Love as long as you live... Live to Love... Love to Live, Live in Love.  To the Bride and Groom (raise glass)"
754723
My brother's birthday is day after christmas and every year he got short-changed. Aunties, etc. wold say "Oh, junior, we got you a bigger present because it is for both Christmas and your birthday". a kid doesn't think that's very cool. A kid - and an adult -doesn't care if you spent $5. or $25. so long as the gift is cool. Once we became adults I made a special point of always giving my brother a separate birthday gift - and NEVER used Christmas wrapping!! (like some people did). If you ditch Christmas, you are still short-changing her, dummy-cakes. You do the whole Christmas thing as usual but maybe you buy a very personal gift , set your alarm clock for 12:01 December 25th, wake her up with a kiss and a glass of champagne and say "Happy Birthday, darling, sweetie, lambie-pie,cuddles. This moment is just for you because I love you!" Trust me, all day Christmas she'll be bragging to all her friends and relatives about the most romantic, thoughtful guy in the world - YOU!\n**Just read your add-on, and i still urge you both not to "ditch" Christmas. Been there,done that - and for the same reasons you gave. It was a disaster. Two of us in Vegas, both missing the meaning and feelings of Christmas. Start your own new traditions - things you can later share with your children from the extended families because some years you will have the kids. Buy an artificial tree, one that is exquisite, one that you can now afford because you aren't feeding a horde of people for dinner. Plan future decorating and start with this year's purchase, in following years, include those kids. You need to show the children that Christmas is important and that you are celebrating so that they want to be with you on alternate years. Whether you are feeling like a "family" this year or not, you really ARE a family, just missing a few members on this one occasion. The earlier suggestion would still hold true, but then please have a wonderful Christmas as well! You can always have a birthday cake for dessert.
420624
The proper etiquette is to take a gift to their house before or after the event or send a card with a gift card or money order in it.  (The amount would be up to you and what you can afford & how close you are to them.  $20-$50)  Just put yourself in their shoes, if you invited people to either event, what would you want or expect them to do?  Remember these parties are thrown to help the people that are being celebrated with their new expenses.   ;o)
631174
You should give a gift, but you never have to give anything.  If you don't want to go to the wedding then just send a card, to most people a card should be enough of a gift because it shows you are thinking about them and care about their special day.
296914
It depends on what kind of fiance she has (I'm assuming your sibling is a she, since there's only one 'e' at the end of the word).\n\nIf there's something definitely wrong with their relationship (for example, if she's marrying for money or something other than love), and that they'll only get hurt, then tell them that. It's for their own good. However, when you tell them, don't keep nagging them; it'll get annoying and they'll probably not listen. Even if they don't listen, don't keep reminding them of your opinions. If they get hurt, it would be a valuable, albeit expensive, lesson that they'll always remember.\n\nHowever, if you simply dislike the fiance because of his personality or whatnot, but there's nothing wrong with their relationship, then just be happy for them. Be happy that your sibling is happy. And then support them, because at this point, what matters is THEIR happiness. YOUR happiness will be the top priority will be when you get married (or it was the top priority when you did get married), and if your sibling didn't/doesn't like it, then too bad. But for now, support them and be happy for them. If you absolutely can't do that, then just back off. And fake a smile if you can.\n\nGood luck, and I hope the wedding goes well!
921704
I've been in this exact same situation recently. The bride was my best friend from college, so I still bought something that they could use but that wasn't super expensive. Buy something off of their registry but pick something that you think relates more to whichever party you are closest too. i.e. if you are great friends with the bride buy something you know that she would like but that the groom could care less about and vice versa. I know it sounds a little harsh but if it should happen not to work out then your friend or relative is more likely to get to keep your gift.
734770
I suggest something engraved ... http://www.personalizationmall.com\nIf you're not into that, how about something personal. A nice framed picture of you guys from your wedding or just a great picture of you in a christmas frame with some nice words along with it....
976107
I have a weird suggestion for you:\n\nObtain a piece of jewelry.  Either buy it yourself, or pick something he gave to you (not your wedding ring), and send it to him.  Instruct him that it is his duty to bring the jewelry back to you in person, and that he must do this.  If he succeeds, he is rewarded with the ultimate gift: the presence of his loving wife.\n\nIt's out of the box, but it's about all I can think of... sorry...
404680
You don't ask for gifts. I just don't get it. Why do people EXPECT gifts and tell people what they want. I think that's tacky as hell!
834846
I agree with the gift card idea.  Perhaps liquor would be offensive.  Cash is impolite.  Our grocery stores have them, as do the phone company and other practical places - or you could go out on a limb and get one for a local department store.  There he could get anything...\nBe prepared for him to refuse it - if so, just leave it on the counter or give it to another employee (boss) to give to him after you leave.
1180336
say it was the wrong gift it was for someone else or say it was a joke
554667
The wedding-industrial complex, or some nutso etiquette expert. Etiquette books were written for wealthy northeastern families to show off their wealth.\n\nFavors should reflect the couple in some way, be affordable, and should be one for every guest or couple attending. Some ideas:\n* CDs (burn your own) with the couple's favorite songs. A CD with labeling kit and print cartridges will run about 45 cents per CD and five minutes of time.\n* Picture frames (large enough to hold a 3x5).\n* candies wrapped in toole (get high-quality candies like toblerone or girardelli, not the generic m&m's without lettering)\n* flowers, either potted, or in bulb form.\n* candles with frosted glass votive.\n\nPeople go nuts over weddings anyway. Try having a wedding, it's suddenly like everything in your life is your family's business. I'm a big fan of marriage, but weddings are just a royal pain and a way to spend lots of money.\n\nWeddings invite intrusiveness on a par second only to having children. It's fun reminding your parents that you don't need approval for your children's names, nor when nor how many children you have.
692687
A nice card would work.  If you aren't that close or don't plan to be a nice card wishing them all the best is proper. Please send in the RSVP card very soon letting them that you will not be there so they won't spend the money for a place setting for you at the reception.