What is a woman to do if she suffers depression in an unhappy marriage b/c of fights, disagreements etc.?
396230
time to call it quits. you have to tell yourself no more. \nNo more will you take this mess from him. No more will you \nkeep arguing over stupid stuff. Tell yourself you are a \nwoman of success. This is 2006 and it's time to get it and\nthe rest in order. A woman can do bad all by herself. We\ndon't need a man to do bad or give us hell. We are the mothers of the earth who bare children in pain. We deserve\nour respect. Gone girl friend and let him know that the mess\nstops now. Gird up loins and put your foot down. You ever\nseen Diary Of A Mad Black Woman? the lady put her foot down.\nDon't hurt your husband just let him know what's up and leave. Don't get depressed because God is about to show up\nand show out.
836832
sit down and talk with her first explain how you feel if that doesn't work talk to your husband and maybe he can mediate if you are being grouchy with him on the weekends after not seeing each other all week that is not healthy for your marriage. Maybe your mom in law is just lonely reach out to her and maybe you can both enjoy each others company for a little time each day
952995
Really your not fighting, your probably just bickering. Its like adult going pains especially if you just moved in together. My fiance and I were the same way. I even gave my ring back!!! but we went to a communication specialist (couples therapist) and learned some tricks to communicating. I know its hard and you start thinking that things won't work out, but if you are truly meant to be, you'll be OK.  We had all the same issues you mentioned.Try this, sit and talk it out, if one of you is a blabber use a 5 min timer so you don't get off track of the topic at hand. Don't allow yourselves to deviate off topic nothing gets solved that way. Each of you should list your gripes with each other and go through the list,pick a time where you can really talk( no TV, no phones).  It will take a few tries before you can get through it with out yelling. No name calling and no blameing, start sentences like "going foward  blah blah blah"Cleaning? write up all the chores that need to get done and you together, divvy them up, then once chores are committed to on paper, its a non issue. The hard thing is  understanding that you don't get everything you want anymore it's all about 50/50( which sucks sometimes, but that's life) And there is no shame in meeting with somebody once a week if that's what you guys need, its not easy, it's one of the most stressful times in  your life. In some cases your insurance will cover it under adult therapy or under the the wide range of depression (even though its not,they just bill it that way and its legit because the situation makes you sad and stressed, don't feel labeled as depressed). Best of luck to you both
698362
Seeing that your husband is at fault an open conversation is the only way you could hope to change this situation, that's if you and your marriage are important enough for him to be willing to participate! It could be worth a try, especially if perhaps he's not aware of your unhappiness. \n\nIf he is not willing to listen to reason, then a tempory separation might do the trick for both of you. It will not only give you a break, but also a chance to decide if you really want to go on with your marriage. And maybe it will give him time to get his act together! \n\nI hope it helps a bit. Be strong and don't let him run you over!
612557
sweetie. you need to have a talk with him. don't continue to be unhappy. it's not healthy. ask him what are his plans as far as the marriage is concerned. hope things get better for you.
494512
Don't confront her, it's not worth it she is obviously a very unhappy person and you should feel sad for her.  Try to just cut her out of your life, and always keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse.
111628
You say you are "unhappy", what does that mean?  If there were no kids involved i'd say move on, but children are precious and deserve all you and your wife can do to resolve this.  But making your kids the reason for staying is weak, nobody wins.  Communication is the key, there had to have been a time when your wife was the best woman that happened to you right?  She still is and it's worth finding out together what changed.  And even if you still come to the same conclusion you can honestly say you tried, do THAT for the children.
479314
Meditation is one good solution for anger/depression as it relaxes the body and mind.15 minutes of meditation in the morning can change the way you take each day.This is my personal best, cuz am experiencing it.\n\nAnd when you get angry,try to calm yourself by telling your inner self to cool it or calm down.......believe me it helps,after all our body does listen to us\n\n\nSix Simple Steps to Help Fight Depression by Dr.O'Connor\n\n• Get help. Don't be ashamed of needing medication, and don't give up until you find something that helps. And see a therapist.\n• Identify your feelings and moods. Depression is a self-destructive effort to avoid feeling. Accept that emotions are natural and helpful. Learn that mood changes don't come "out of the blue" — they are always started by an event, a memory, a dream. Use the Mood Journal to identify what starts your mood changes.\n• Challenge depressed thinking. People with depression remember and blame themselves for bad events, while they forget about and give others credit for good events. Their low expectations mean they often don't prepare adequately and give up too easily. Worst, they think they are essentially different — damaged somehow — from other people. These are all learned habits of thought that can be unlearned. Pay attention to your assumptions and beliefs.\n• Let others know. Depressives fear intimacy more than most people. We put on masks for the world, because we believe our true selves to be shameful, unworthy. But this belief is wrong. When we're with someone we can trust, sharing our thoughts and feelings — even if they seem unimportant — is good for us.\n• Take care of your self. Learn to pay attention to messages from your body. Depressives abuse themselves by not eating right, not exercising, then expecting to work 12 hours straight. They will deny a minor ache or pain until they have an ulcer or a chronic back condition. Take time for moderate exercise, eat healhy but delicious meals, and allow yourself some pleasure in life.\n• Practice detachment. We spend far too much time and effort trying to control things that aren't worth the struggle. Many things that worry us are really unimportant; we've just gotten overinvolved and lost our bearings. We may find that we're trying to change things that we realistically cannot change. Instead of battering your head against a brick wall, learn to walk away.
200225
If you are considering another relationship with her then maybe marriage counselling would be a first step.  If you can get through that then I might consider trying again but obviously there were serious issues that warranted the divorce to begin with.
199923
Although you can't force her to do anything, I would strongly urge her to seek help.  This is not normal, and if she goes through with it she will hurt a lot more people than just her and her husband.
1051261
your unhappy, you already "resent" him and are taking out your anger on him. eventually it will turn to bitterness. its a very difficult and gut wrenching decision to divorce *i know*, but if your unhappy your cheating BOTH of you out of finding someone you both can be truly happy with. \nthe best thing to do is to sit down with him, tell him this is a serious discussion and tell him...everything...how you feel. that you absolutely think he is a wonderful man, and that you value him as a person, but that you don't feel the way a wife should about her husband. its not his fault *or yours for that matter*. ask him to respond to that...if he gets upset...well....what can you do. you've told him how you feel and he will need time to digest it. \ntime heals all wounds! and as horrible as it all feels now, it will become a sad distant memory in the future.  \ngood luck!!!
1067329
Everyone goes through mood swings.  Guys aren't the only ones who are rude and mean - women do it too.  The key is communication between eachother so you know how eachother is feeling.  If your husband is just mean and grumpy for no good reason he might be dealing with some things inside of him that he isn't willing to share with you.  Either way, if it bothers you and you can't talk it out - there is nothing wrong with getting into marriage counseling.
918452
No! Explain your feelings to her, and leave it to her to decide! If she is angered, talk divorce. If she understands, why break a GREAT marriage?
729369
I do very much. I don't talk to friends, go around family and very seldom talk to my mom on the phone (if I don't call for a day, she calls..so I do talk to her). Try to keep your marriage together. It sounds like you need to try to convince to go see a therapist to deal with this. It's important for you to ALWAYS be there even if he pushes you away. Some times when I am depressed I tell everyone to leave me alone and they do..but that's not what I wanted.then when they leave me alone, I think they don't care.\n\nAs far as his mother dieing, he is probably still grieving and missing her..that may be why he is depressed. The other family members may not want to be around him..maybe they are afraid or they are still grieving too.\n\nIt has NOTHING to do with you. It's a thing depressed people experience.  If you can't get him to go see somebody maybe you should (or go together). they can tell you what you can do to help him.
934134
My best advice to you, sincerely, it to go speak with someone professional.  And drag your husband with too.  How does she treat your children?  If she is bad to them in any way, then put your foot down.  It is one thing for us to deal with someone whom is possible mentally ill, but don't make your kids deal with it!
789442
You have several issues here. #1 if the woman is bipolar, I would strongly recommend seeking a qualified therapist in order for you to learn how to deal with a bipolar personality. \n\nYou are virtually beating your head against a brick wall until you find out "key" ways of understanding this disorder in the first place. \n\n#2 Your husband can stand up to her in the sense that he doesn't have to be a "ball buster" - however, he can choose to not allow this woman access to all knowledge surrounding your marriage - which in your words mentioned were "control of all aspects, time, money, assets, all concerns." People do not know your private affairs until you tell them. This constitutes one or both you and your husband keeping your mouth shut about your personal affairs. \n\nWhat she does with regard to "living day to day" is none of your business. \n\nIt's like you're going in the exit door looking for a way out.\n\nI would strongly recommend not engaging in conversations with the woman and remain silent until she gets the picture that you are not going to interact with her on any level other than issues regarding the child within the visitation schedule. Or, as the father, discuss only points of interest regarding the child, period. And do not get into any depth with this woman within these points of conversation.  \n\nIf it gets to be too much; certainly if she is bipolar she has a therapist in place. Ask that you all get together and with her therapist to learn how to establish boundaries. (if that is possible) \n\nGood luck and I wish you the best. I have had only one conversation with a bipolar individual when she was in an emotional state; and I was wondering how in the hell I was going to get out of this conversation. I've never felt that way before about talking to anyone. Bipolar diagnosed individuals are a different "animal" so to speak. And you truly need professional guidance in order to unlock the doors in thier heads and get through.
516287
Dave,\n\nYes, marriage is hard work for both spouses You each have to give 110% into the marriage. If you are having some issues about what is happening in your relationship and I believe that what you have written you do, I would seek the advice of a marriage counselor for both of you.\n\nFrom what I am reading into your question, it appears that your wife views that you are the cause of her unhappiness. Your discussions and arguments need to be focused on what is going on in the relatonship not about about blame and shame. There are some communication tools that you can use in your conversations with your wife that may be helpful.\n\nThis requires that you develop the skill of detachment. If you can keep your emotions under control, then you can share with your wife what you see is happening and how you feel about it. Here is an example: " Honey,I love you very much and only want the best for us. Because I want the best I am sharing this with you now, When you continually find fault with everything I do, I become frustrated, confused, angry, and hurt. I know that we are both human and that we both love each other. Can we sit down and see how we can we work things out.\n\nThis may or may not work depending on what is the cause of your wife's behavior. Regardless, you need to take control of your own behaviour and detach from your wife. If you work on yourself and become the best person you can for you, not for her then you will begin to feel good about who you are and not rely on her for your feelings of self worth.\n\nI wish you well! Surround yourself with a support system of friends who can be there for you in this time of diffculty.\n\nThere may come a day when you have to say: Honey, I love you very much and want to stay married to you. It seems however that you are unhappy in this relationship with me. If you do not want to stay married to me let me know and because I love you, I will let you go.