help, My mother is controlling?
402375
Mamma knows best, kinda thing.  Its hard for them to see us grow up and move away, it hurts them, while this is a joyous time for you guys, part of  your mom is realizing that your leaving the nest and she is sad.  While her controlling things annoys you, perhaps she sees this as a last chance sort of thing.  Humor her as much as you can, and try to be understand ing.  Sit down and let your mother know that although you are starting a new life with your soon to be husband (CONGRATS CONGRATS) she will ALWAYS be a apart of you and your life.  Tell her that no matter what you love her, and need her and want her in your life.  Because the real issue is the fact that your mom is hurting over what she considers "loosing her baby".  Your problem may be control, but her problem is far greater.  You obviously have a mom who loves you more than anything, so your off to a great start, just try to talk to her, reassure her that your not "leaving her" she is not loosing a daughter but GAINING a son!!  Best of luck to you, have a happy happy life.  God Bless your family and marriage!!
774864
try to get along with her. i know it is difficult but your mom is always going to be your mom. unless your health and safety is in compromise work things out
684590
You need to sit down with your mother and be VERY clear that you are your child's parent, and although you appreciate that she loves and cares about your children, they are ultimately YOUR responsibility.  If this behavior continues, your children are going to become very disrespectful of you, and you will have NO authority over them because they will know that Grandma will bail them out.  It's a very bad situation.  Best of luck!!!
42053
Obey your mom...she has a good reason for the rules she imposes on you. Find something else to do instead of going to the party.
494630
Your mother is involved in a cult of personality.  I wonder how old you are.  You need to get away from this "man"\nbefore he turns his "purification" on you.  Please tell someone who can help you, like a real church person, or the authorities.
510001
You have to talk to an adult you trust.  (minister, councilor, police.)  This sounds like a very bitter divorce situation.  Your father is punishing you're mother as a punishment to you.  Depending on the child custody agreement, he could be breaking the law.  If your Mom has joint custody, and he won't let you talk/see each other than it could be considered, (still depending on the agreement) as Child abduction (kidnapping)  You must get help.  Even if you did something dumb and crazy to piss him off, this is still wrong!
908452
Its hard with a mother like that i would ask her why she says these things and confront her about it and tell her if she continues to make you feel miserable then you might be better off without her.  Its not always the best thing to do but sometimes you have too
74659
From your email, I assume you don't mean your mom is clinically insane, but just 'crazy'... Could be she is going through menopause, which makes women act really different and causes mood swings like you have described. Rather than go into the reasons why she is acting the way she is, here is some advice:\n1) Try to be patient - it sounds easier said than done, but empathise. Try to put yourself in your mom's shoes when talking back to her. Don't say things you wouldn't want to hear from a daughter of yours someday.\n2) Tune out - meaning try to think of something else when she is one of her 'moods'...divert your mind so the rantng is just background noise and not the grand opera.\n3) Get out of the house more - try having your own life. If you are not around to do your brothers' laundry, they will be forced to do it own their own. Or even if you do stay home, don't do it! They only carry on allowing you to do it, because you do.\n4) Stop starving yourself & denying yourself fun just because of what's happening at home. No one benefits from this situation, least of all you. \nAbout living with it for 5 years more, take heart. Look forward to the day you are old/independant enough to move out. Things may change and you may actually start looking *forward* to visiting home.\n\nRemember: you can choose friends, not family, but in the end family are the only friends you'll have.
560576
You cant handle this unless you are the mom. If she doesn't want this happening she has to set her foot down and tell her child she still their parent and is capable of making her own decisions. Although she appreciates their concern she will ask for their advice when she needs it. Until then she will live her life the way she wants.                                              I have a twenty-six year old and a twenty-seven year old so I know where your coming from. As a mother we never stop wanting to make everything ok and easy for our kids, no matter their age. But you have to ask yourself if something (god forbid) happen to you tomorrow and you weren't around to hand out money or whatever could your child survive. Did you give them the proper tools to make it. Its ok to help but I draw the line when it comes to taking all the responsibility of life over. I don't feel I,m helping them if I haven't taught them how to be adults and be able to survive without me when the time comes. They know I love them and I,m here no matter what but they also know I,m mom not the bank. Its hard to say no to our kids but your not helping them grow if you don't let them take on responsibility of an adult. She will kick and scream at first because its easier for her to let you do everything but in the long run its the best thing for her.Good luck be firm but loving.
212951
It's YOUR life! You have the POWER to control it! Your mom, though she's the one who raised, does not have the right to tell you what to do! Don't be blinded by that! Stand Up for what you believe in, not for what others think! If your mom is really in doubt, try having a lie test to your husband and let your mom see the results!
896010
I think you need to tell your family, because in default of your own ability to take care of yourself, they might be the ones who end up making decisions about your care for you.\n\nThis is not something you should be dealing with on your own.  I would suggest that your psychiatric care person/team might be able to suggest a way for you to get through to your mother.  Perhaps she or other family members might be able to participate in counseling or therapy sessions with you.\n\nWhat she needs to understand is that what you are telling her is not necessarily an attack on her parenting you, as in an accusation that she caused or somehow brought about your illness.  If you and your mother have a history of not getting along well or communicating well, then you definitely need to involve a professional counselor in this.  \n\nWith your diagnosis, you definitely need to give some thought as to who might become responsible for decisions regarding your care should something happen that requires someone else to assume responsibility for you.  The default is to family members, and this may not be what you want.  If it isn't, you need to find out how to arrange things so that the person you choose is legally empowered to make decisions for you should need arise.  Your psychiatric care team should be able to assist you in this.\n\nGood luck and take care.  Be well!
799926
I'm so sorry your mother is treating you this way. OF COURSE this is emotional abuse. NO ONE should be treated this way. \n\nIs your dad in the picture? Grandparents? Are there any relatives you could reach out to, maybe move in with? If your parents are divorced, you should be able to choose who you want to live with. The age varies in different areas.  Usually it's around 14 or 15, in some cases even younger.\n\nIn the meantime, keep seeing your counselor. It's probably better if you see him/her alone, anyway, because your mother would just make the situation worse. At home, just stay away from her as much as possible. Shut yourself in your room if you have to. Or go over to friends' houses and stay there as long as you can. You can't change her. All you can do is try to avoid her, and try to find some way to get away from her permanently if you can.\n\nGood luck. I'm sorry you're having to endure this. Life sucks sometimes. :(
919000
Moms always like to have their rules followed. When you break them, they feel that you're not listening to her and you don't care.\nStaying up till 11:30 is not that bad! So what you should do is have a serious talk with her.  Tell her how important it is for her to trust you, and that you really want to obey her. Make it up to her by spending some time together as mother and daughter.  She will soon regain trust on you if you stay on track the next time your boyfriend calls you!\nGood luck!
816988
My mum use to do this.\nIf my boyfriend called she's pick up another phone and listen in.  If she answered she'd tell him i was too busy to talk or not home.  If I rang him she'd keep coming up to me telling me to hurry up.  \nI don't think it's that she didn't like him but that she needed to feel she was in control of me.  (She's always been a bit like that) When we talk about it now (I've long since moved out and got married) She can justify her actions.  She still doesn't see that it was rude or inappropriate.\nI probably think living out of home is best for you at the moment.  It'll show her that you can make good choices and even if you don't it'll show her that you could pick up the pieces and were old enough to not be so dependant on her.
70965
call a relative .. grandma is best and have them contact your mother to tell her that .. her daughter? .. needs her or whatever the situation is .. tell the relative to tell your mother .. if you cannot stay with him because of abuse or something you need to contact an authority .. tell a relative what's going on and that you need to get out of the house
412093
You seriously need to make some serious changes. You have to create boundaries. It sounds like the requests you have made are falling on deaf hears. It seems to me you are trying to make everyone happy except yourself. Tell them if you are going to live in my house these are the rules if they don't like them they can leave. When your mom came back you could of asked her why are you here? When she said why do i have to tell them to pay the electric bill, it was because she is the one who invited them to stay. The things you are going to have to do will be uncomfortable. Your family will not like the new assertive you. Your mom is dependent on you and you are her co dependent. When she threatened you by saying she was going to leave and you said fine go ahead she was testing you. She did leave but she came back and you let her stay. So now what you say and what she says and your actions don't match. It's like when a parent tells his child no but then lets them have what they want. You have to back up what you say with actions and stick to them. You have fallen into the role of parent. You are not the parent you are the child but now your mom is acting like the child and now you are her parent. I think she should help you more. Do you want your brothers there? You did nothing wrong what i think you possibly feel is guilt because it is your mother and you feel obligated but your not obligated. No one should be taken advantage of.
1083404
If she's threatening you, I think you should go to the police as firstly she has no right to do this and can't be allowed to get away with it, and secondly you have the right to live without being threatened or harassed.  Get a lawyer onto her.  Try your citizen's advice office too.  She sounds one unhappy woman.