My husband is stationed in Afghanistan and I worry about him often throughout the day..is this normal?
414040
Honey, you are a normal military wife!!  My husband just returned from a 1 year tour in Iraq and I am still trying to catch up on sleep.  There will not be a minute that passes that you will not wonder what he is doing, what he is thinking, where he is, is he asleep, is he eating, has he had a shower?  All these things will run through your mind every day until he is home safe in your arms.\nYou need to stay as busy as possible, it really does help to pass the time.  I started going back to school and those 2 days a week taking classes and raising a teenager really helped me a lot.  Also I went to Hobby Lobby and bought a scrapbook (my husband is Army, they have all military branches) and started from boot camp, then to AIT and so on and every time he is deployed that is my project I work on his scrapbook.  He has no idea I have it, so when he retires that will be my gift to him!  \nAnd last always keep someone on close that you can call on day or night, because you never know when you will need a shoulder to cry on.  If you live on a military post you should have no trouble finding anyone who is in the same shoes you are in.  Last summer when all of our husbands where deployed there where 6 of us wives and we were always there for one another day or night.\nI hope this helps you.  And just hang in there, he will be home before you know it.\nGod bless you and your husband
1129824
I'm not a single parent but I had to act as one while my husband was in Iraq.  I think that the hardest thing is not having someone to share the stress with.  People always asked me how I did it, I mean, I was pretty much a single mom while he was gone.  I always said the same thing, "I know my husband will be coming home.  I know I'll have help when his deployment is over.  I know that this is temporary.  Most importantly, I know, generally, around when my reinforcements (my hubby) will be arriving!"  I don't know how people do it when they don't have the knowledge of partner coming to help them soon.  I have an immense amount of respect for single parents.
688897
I am dating a guy in the AF also, but he is permanently stationed in the same state and not too far away. I know I would trust him if he had to be deployed, it is tough with their job. But if you have not heard from him it may be because he has found someone else. Try to call him and ask, never hurts to ask, hurts worse not knowing. Or if you have e-mail or Internet contact try that too. I know I love my guy very much and we either see each other 3-4x a week and if not we call each other everyday. I wish you the best, from Mary in Central NY
752379
My husband used to be in the army so used to be away a lot, I tried to treat the time he was a way as time for me, and try to do things I wanted to do, evening classes, long pampering baths anything that is purely selfish that you don't usually have time to do.\n\nHe's no longer in the army but still works away occasionally, If we spend too much time together, especially when he works from home sometimes, it drives me mad, as I appreciate tme on my own as well as time with him.\n\nHe's been working from home for the last 3 weeks or so but is going on a course for a week tomorrow and much as I love him I can't wait, cos he's starting to get on my nerves, nothing major just a bit of treading on toes.\n\nI'll get loads done this week and feel much better in myself and closer to him too when he comes back.\n\nTreat Yourself, and think of it as ME time xx\n\np.s. we have been together 20yrs in all and it has always been a factor for us too, I guess it does get better, it did bother me more at first though
10851
My husband was in the Marines when we first were married and was deployed for six months. To make it even harder I was pregnant with our first child. I know how empty your world feels right now. Just try to keep your self busy. Write often and talk on the phone when you can. I used to send calling cards with each care package. I also sent a video about half way through the deployment. I just recorded any special events that he would be missing i also went to the beach and taped a sun set for him, since the beach was a special place for us. Anything you can think of to keep the connection strong. Best of luck to you and a special thanks to your husband for his service to our country.
887186
talk to him a month isn't that long. the worst thing to do is sweep it under a rug. enjoy the time you will spend with him until then and then you will really enjoy when he comes home. look on the bright side, at least he is not being deployed into war. that would be even worse. take what you can.
1123022
This is easy! You obviously care for him otherwise you wouldn't miss him. \n\nIts his job to be away its not choice - he isn't roaming around the streets or in bars picking up other women he is at work. \n\nI doubt very much that he is using you - but if you are serious about this relationship get used to not seeing him sometimes, there are some books available that you could read about life with a man in the army.\n\nIf the relationship does take the next steps then you could end up married to him and in which case you would probably be in army housing with him and would see him every day unless he is on exercise or operations away. \n\nGood luck - it isn't that bad my husband is in the army!
753245
Sounds like at least one of you is afraid of being left. Or maybe you don't want to hurt each other by making a commitment and then leaving, so you just refrain from making a commitment... and you practice leaving.  Girl, you should only practice what you want to be good at !\n\nIn many parts of the world marriages are arranged. In other words, the sex is the first part of the relationship, and over time the couple can learn to know & love each other. \n\nI left my family & moved from New England to Minnesota, where my husband's family all live. It was a couple years of culture shock, but we're still together after almost 23 years of marriage.\n\nDo you trust him? Are you willing to trust ANYone?  If he changes, will you stay with him? (like, loss of health, financial worries causing depression, etc)... in my experience, Air Force fellows are top quality. Yes, the military changes a person -- military people  have been forcibly changed, so they can do their jobs & survive; that's not a bad thing, it's just a factor to consider.\nMotherhood changes a person, too.  Not all changes are permanent, but they're not all predictable either. That's where the trust comes in. Trust isn't a feeling; it's a decision.\n\nHe might have a need to be "at home" (in his case, it's Ohio); home is, by definition, where we feel safe.  Can you make your home somewhere other than Washington? I did. I used to live in rural Tacoma. I know how beautiful it is there. But family circumstances required I move, and I learned to appreciate New England. It took me 2 years, but I did it.\n\nMy recommendation? Meet his family.  (Wonderful guys usually come from nice families, so I bet they're nice). And marry him.
86271
This is probably not what you want to hear, but let it go. Don't sweat the small stuff and everything is small stuff. The freind doesnt sound like much of a friend. You might have to let your wife find that out by herself. Also Good for you for not breaking up with you wife/girlfreind when you where called to duty.  I saw it happen so many times, before a deployment. So many broken hearts :(
1149120
As a marine wife and someone who has been affiliated with the military all her life (Navy brat and former Navy sailor), you have to be outgoing and opinionated!  You can't have him telling you what you think and how to do things.  Not only is that chauvinistic but what happens when he's on a 14 month deployment and  you haven't talked to him in a week, if you don't have opinions on how to take care of your family or home, you're screwed.  You also need to be outgoing to make friends.  Marines are gone alot and we need a support system for those times.  If he's looking for some weak-willed yes-girl, then forget him.
623005
Don't make any moves like contacting a Dr. unless things get out of hand. This could be taken as a type of betrayal. I served over there and thing changed a lot for me when I came back to the US. \n\nHe is your husband and you have an obligation to help him through this, but not if it gets so bad that you are living in fear. \n\nThe best thing he could do is to talk to other Vets. Any American Veteran from any war. Grandpa, Uncle, Brother, this helped me because it allowed me to understand that every Vet has to sort of relearn what it is like to be in society.\n\nPlease go to militaryonesource.com this was created for PTSD and family. Also you can call them 24/7 at 1-800-342-9647 they will know exactly what to do to help, guaranteed\n\nI am just looking at it now and there is a button on the front page that says Resources for military spouses.
811600
My husband has been to Iraq twice, the first time for 15 months and the second for 10. He leaves again next summer for another year. The thing that helps me the most is being around other military spouses and families, because they know what I am going through (and don't ask annoying questions like "how do you do it" or "what would you do if he died" or say things like "I could never do that, it must be so hard waiting on him.") I know that being around military families may not be an option since you may not live in the town with him. The first deployment we weren't married yet and I lived in a non-military area. It was different but I was able to find a couple of people (reservists wives, etc) that were going through the same thing. If you can't find someone to hang out with, try an online support group, Yahoo Groups has a lot of them for military girlfriends/fiancees.I also do my best to stay busy, which for me has meant going to school full time. I am graduating soon, and I am planning on doing a lot of volunteer work and staying home with our baby on this next deployment. Anything that will keep you busy and keep your mind off of it as much as possible is a good thing. I also recommend writing to him as much as you can, every day if possible. I like to tell him about my day and "talk" about the kind of stuff we'd talk about if he were home for dinner. That way I don't feel like he's missed out on a whole year of my life. Mail - letters, pictures, packages - are always appreciated when they are deployed. \n\nI know it sucks, but after he has been gone for a little bit you will get into a routine. You will also learn what works for you and what doesn't. I found that the second deployment was easier because it wasn't such a new experience and it was easier for me to get into my "deployment routine." I have also found that if you wake up and tell yourself that it's going to be a good day, and don't allow yourself to do otherwise, you will feel a lot better. Good luck with his deployment and know that everything will be ok because you love each other. When he gets home all the pain and sadness will be worth it, I promise!
826608
Honesty is the BEST policy...\n\nTalk to him about what's bothering you...otherwise...what is he suppose to do? He can't read your mind. \n\nMy husband works his butt off too and comes home, showers, eats and sleeps...gets up the next day, goes to work, comes home, showers, eats and sleeps...and so on.\n\nI feel the same way you do at times, but we need to understand, (which we both do) that he is tired and drained.  This does NOT interpret that he does not love you or find you unattractive...he's just tired.\n\nTry scheduling something for you and him on his day(s) off something special to do...don't wait for him...just do it.\n\nPray for courage and uplifting...\nTry to get some sleep... :)
960522
I don't know what kind of action he has seen over there, But when I came home after 6 month in a war zone all I wanted was the peace and quite of my home with my wife.\nIf you go out of your way to make it special it will just force him to play along. just meet him and be happy he is home.
679432
I served a tour in Iraq.\n\nFirst of all you need to stop watching the TV news.  They are not trying to give you accurate information - instead they are trying to drive up ratings by exaggerating the dangers.\n\nKeep in touch with him.  Emails, letters and care packages will really make his day.  I do not know if satellite internet is available over there (I had it in Iraq).  If it is then you should be able to talk to him using Yahoo video chat.\n\nKeep yourself busy.  Get involved with your units family support group.  If your units support group is nothing more than a gossip club then find some other spouses who want to do the support things and form your own mini-support group.  \n\nBe proud of your husband and of yourself.  Changing the world for the better is a hard job - but years form now you will be able to state that you 'did your part.'
303095
My husband has been away for 3 years.  I see him 2 weeks every other month.  You need to occupie your mind.  Find something to do on your spare time.  So your not thinking so much about them.  You all ways have good days and bad.
301642
You say you are a Christian and so am I... one of the symptoms of PTSD is victimizing others. I believe this is what he is doing. I suggest that you insist on two things - first, that he get out of the military the next chance he gets, and two that you go to counseling - TOGETHER. God does not allow for divorce in very many cases... adultery is one of them - if he gets physically abusive, that would also be an exception. If you are interested in saving your marriage, which you seem to be, then I suggest you try this. Your husband is going through something that you cannot understand, but he is dealing with it very poorly. So the solution is for you to understand, for him to get help, and for you to get help healing your heart. You have to get back on the same page. By the way, if you don't get help and the situation escalates, you could be at risk for PTSD, too. Best of luck and God Bless.