Would any of you men out there have a relationship with someone who was abused?
410083
Now, this is a very interesting and intriguing question. Actually, the issues are really big since the victim would always be doubtful about your every move. She can't stop but think she could get abused again. But, if the man makes her feel real comfortable at first and gain her complete trust, there would not be any issue later. I would go out with someone like you but would want you to letme know whenever you feel insecure with me. That would, by itself, slowly get you feel secure and then move easily with me.
664101
I have never heard an abusive man described this way, to be honest. What I have heard from women in this kind of relationship is that they hate how the guy treats them, but they deserved it cos they said something or did something stupid. Soooo wrong!!\n\nThese women are wholly lacking in self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. They've been put down for so long, they truly believe the guy is right. They are so low on confidence that they will continue to state, Ohh, but I love him. I think that is because they see no way out..they feel they can't make it on their own, especially if they have kids, and they truly are SCARED to go it alone. They want someone to take care of them...and no, they really DON'T want the abusive guy, but they won't do anything about it until they learn to build up their self -esteem and truly believe that they are worth so much and have done NOTHING to deserve this kind of treatment.
76759
Yes, however, not usually with the same partner whom they abused.  Generally if you are with an abuser, you create what is typically called a co-dependent relationship where each person unknowingly is drawn to and enables the other.  It's like marrying someone who loves twinkies, and two years after marrying them, you discover you've gained 70 pounds!  The relationship tends to support these ill behaviors and will naturally resist change. This is why when teens go off for "treatment" they often fail when they come home because their ill behaviors gave the family someone to blame problems on.  Once we, as individual people experience change, especially positive change, it is often difficult for those around us to support them and accept them, especially when they have their own issues to develop through.  And this is what I hear in your case.  The fact that you have stayed with an abuser for a long enough time that you are considering sticking with him through the therapeutic and healthy process of change, says that you have some issues of your own that may need to be explored.  For example, if he was abusive to you how were you able to allow someone to treat you like that for so long without leaving, retaliating or standing up for yourself?  Perhaps you have some hard questions to ask of yourself, just like he has to ask of himself.  Another suggestion might be to remain friends who support each other's personal growth, and if in the future, the health and positive change in you both is able to support and nurture a healthy relationship, then consider rejoining in a closer or more intimate relationship.  I strongly believe that it takes a really special person to be able to deal with person issues and also maintain a healthy and stable relationship at the same time.  Sometimes you need to take a break from providing for someone else, and use the time to focus your energy on yourself, so that you can be better.
827038
Unfortunately yes.  I dated this person for a while and  I met his family.  They were totally dysfunctional, loud, crass and crude.  When he was around them he behaved like a lunatic.  But when he was alone with me he was a different person.  It was a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing.  So i called it quits.  It was too much for me.
1059190
I'm still waiting to meet mine too.  I have now come to the conclusion that when the right one comes along he wont do the things that bring out my hurt and pain.  He wont provoke those feelings the other guys did.  He will be the guy that understands my past and my pain and he will not do anything to pour salt in my wounds.
53272
I know what you mean.  I have been down that road for 13 years now with guys who use, abuse, etc.  If you really like this guy, make sure he is doing for you and showing that he truly wants to be with you.  I just found a guy that I am truly in love with and I know that he feels the same for me.  You want one that will cook and do whatever it takes to pleases u.  My guy won my heart because he was there for me thru rough times with other boyfriends and saw me go thru heartache.  He wanted to be close to me and he got me.  He also cooked for me before we were dating when he went on his lunch break while I was working and brought back the best shrimp scampi you can imagine.
925161
Yes, sexually/physically. It started when I was three - by two cousins and an uncle, it went on for thirteen years. I did as much as I could to escape it, even running away - constantly. Recently, I went to the police (for a second time) However, the punishment given didn't fit the crime, and the cousin who abused me most, only got 5 years. I think people now a days are too scared to go to the police or report anything, because victims don't get enough support. Abusers get a couple years in prison - victims and survivors - they get a lifetime of never ending pain. I wouldn't wish the feelings they caused me to have on anyone, not even my worst enemy. \nIf you are in a situation where you're being hurt, please get as much help as you can...to physically get you out of the situation, and to help you with your emotions too.
214943
With my ex, we were not married, but we were together for awhile - he was everything to me at first. I was 14 and he was 17, I ran away from home a lot and got messed up with my friends and eventually I ran into Drew. He worked in music and already made himself very successful at his young age so when he asked me out I was speechless. He had a gorgeous smile and the perfect body, after a few months of complete bliss I moved into his house. It was nice living independently when I was only 14. Not long after that he started getting jealous around some of my male friends and a few times grabbed my arm and dragged me to a private place where he could speak down to me but then start kissing me. Within that following year he began drinking heavily and the abuse got worse. I ended up in the hospital a couple times. I would try to leave but he'd always find a way back to me. It finally ended when he was arressted for attempted murder (amongst other charges), because he had an array of doctors in his defense he was sentenced to five years in a state hospital and probation. I know he did not try to kill me because he very easily could have if he wanted too. He got off on torturing me. I was unconscious for three days, I had four broken ribs, both wrists were fractured, a twisted ankle, I was on a ventilator for awhile because I couldn't breath from the swelling of my throat when he repeatedly choked me until I passed out, as well as multiple cuts and bruises. I also suffered a miscarriage, which is what hurt me the most.  This happened one week after my 16th birthday. I at least learned how to take care of myself and I don't hesitate to fight back.
162566
It is very traumatic. Some people react different than others. For instance, I was arm robbed by a guy with a gun, there was a cooworker on the back who never saw the gun. However she is so traumatic that asked for a transfer to another store (even after counseling and a few days off) while I just show up to work the very next day. The brain is hard to understand, but anybody who has been sexual abused should seek help immidiatly, no matter how that person feels.
547400
this sounds like there are a lot of emotional issues that need to be looked into. I think you better have a straight forward talk with your friend, you are right, no one should be abused in a relationship, but it sounds like he has issues if its been two years , he has someone nice and he still stays with this other one. who pays the rent? is he a kept man? alot of questions to be answered.
715689
I have wanted to..I still would If I could find him..\nI want to hurt him, and make him feel what he put me through. I want him begging for mercy at my feet, sobbing apologizing, and then I will just made it worse, with no mercy...\n\nBut that person was a monster, whoever he was...
648033
you love him? does he love you? any kind of abuse going on?\n\nIf the answer is no, then what's the problem?
515506
Well I'm here right with you... The man I feel in my heart is my soulmate has the same problems as your ex... in fact because of the last incident that occured two months ago, were I came home from my father's after visiting for a few hours and he became very physically abusive, I left him... but i guess my heart stayed with him.. I still keep in contact with him, we talk twice a week, I love him more than anyone could ever imagine... he knows that I would take him back but he would need to get help... we tried once a year ago while we were together, but he didn't want the help for himself (he wasn't ready), he was doing it for me... the important thing is not to push them to do anything they don't want because then they may become resentful... I love him so much, it breaks my heart when I see him, because looking at him I know that he's not taking care of himself (he's diabetic, 31, and insulin dependent)... I always remind him that I really fo care and love him, and that when he's ready to get help, I'll be right there with him... just make sure that he wants the help.. if anthing email me... we can chat
663374
If it's ongoing, absolutely.\nIf it happens more than once......ZERO response along with one cold, glassy, look. \nThat person is a pig.\nIf it's in the workplace, go immediately to your Human Resources Manager.  Not to some employee in there.  You go immediately to the Head Honcho. Bang on the door if you have to.\nI'm a "Take No Prisoners" sort.  You are being abused and it's unacceptable.\nDon't let anyone tell you differently.\nNot one person in this world deserves being abused in any way, shape or form.\nYou take care of yourself and good luck.
121915
I am sorry to hear that. The same thing happened to me a long with physical and mental abuse. \n\nI sought counseling and I am well again. Not everyone is bad and not eveyrone will treat you like crap. \n\nHave you explained the situation to your partner?\nthat helps as well , believe me.
165318
There is no wrong feelings for someone who has been sexually abused.  You feel the way you do and how you deal with this issue in your life is up to you.  I would recomend though that you look at getting some type of therapy or counseling because the affects of sexual abuse are often not fully realized and will affect future relationships in ways you can't imagine.
422664
I wouldn't say likely. But if a man is abused as a child it is a possibility. I think though that if he witnesses his father hitting his mother he might be more likely, if the mother does not show her pain. There were studies about it, but I can't recall where I read them. I don't know how true it is, but the reasoning is; if a man hits his wife in front of his children, the children see this as normal, especially if it doesn't seem to register with the mother. So if a woman bottles it up, it seems it can actually be more damaging to her childrens perceptions on relationships. So the girls tend to date abusive men and the boys sometimes grow up to hit their wives, because it's how they were raised. This is NOT always the case. In many cases where boys witnessed their fathers abusing the mothers and the mother showing mental anguish, the boys actually grew up to be more considerate husbands, possibly overcompensating. I wouldn't think that children who were abused would be more likely to grow up to abuse their children, simply because they understand the pain and fear of an abused child, and would not wish that on their kids, on the flipside, some might view it as the ONLY way to raise their kids, or get them to listen etc, or might just be taking out their deeply imbedded anger and frustration. So like any other kind of abuse, it's really a mixed bag. People are so complex that everyone responds differently to every situation and every trauma. I know some people who were not physically abused, but do so in their relationships, just because they're screwed up in other ways and have a lot of pain they have not dealt with properly. Either way, abuse of any kind is never right, and people who were abused (I don't like the word victim) shold seek professional help if they cannot come to terms on their own. I guess all in all I would say yes, mostly because to many it may seem the norm to be violent and the only way to be or the only way they know how to be in a relationship, however, you should not use this in judging people and never assume that because someone has had such a past that they will be like that.