at work there is a lot of backstabbing and all people do is talk about everyone else, how do you change this?
403182
I am so sorry that your work environment is like this.  It's really hard, but I think the best thing to do is just refuse to listen to it.  You might find some phrases like this helpful when you sense some gossip is coming on.\n\n"Hey, Bill, if it's okay with you I think I'd rather not hear about that."\n"I think well of <name> and I'd like to continue.  Please don't say that story."\n"Hey, we're all coworkers here.  I'd rather not hear anything bad about people I work with."\n\nIt's really hard, and sometimes you can't always tell when the negative comments are coming, but by refusing to listen to it you at least you won't be part of the problem, and you won't have the mental burden of knowing all the negative things about your coworkers.\n\nSometimes these have to be said more than once, and sometimes it helps to change the subject so the people won't  continue on the same line of conversation.\n\nI'm behind you 100%!  You'll be making this world a better place!
257204
Join the enforcement arm, so I could let people slide.\n\nConquer from WITHIN!  :-))\n\nBuddhist
638012
The first thing is DO NOT go in and try to act like you are better than the others, (Not saying that you would) You never know how these people are going to react to you, as you were hired outside of the company.  Make an effort to personally go up to each person and introduce yourself and try to make them feel comfortable with you.  \n\nI have been in management, and one fatal mistake is trying to be "friends" with the employees.  Of course you want to be friendly, but not to friendly as to where they will consider you more a friend then a boss. I would also ask the others to give you feed back as to how you are doing.  Make sure that the others know that they can approach you and talk to you.  Best of luck in your new job!!
912582
Do your best and try to watch what the others do.  Offer to help with whatever you can.  Find out some of their interests and chat some.  The main thing is to watch and learn.\n\nI got transfered to a snooty department in my company.  I just watched everyone for a while and one day a co worker was talking aboiut wanting to buy something on eBay but never had.  I'm an eBay addict!  I helped her buy something there and she talks to me all the time now!
902993
I always remind myself that I cannot change people, but I can change the way I react to them.\n\nLove and compassion and a good ear for listening.  People who are negative should be taken in small doses as they can really bring you down.\n\nLook for the good in people and you will surely find it.  Stay clear of any gossip.  Even listening to it is harmful.  Be willing to walk away and not participate.  Or inject something nice about the person people are gossiping about this will end the conversation.\n\npeace
610756
Ask the person you think you can trust to keep their mouth shut in your group if they know.  If they don't maybe they can find out for you, discreetly.
1113584
Talk quieter. Seems pretty simple. They probably DO enjoy your company but find you to be a "loud talker". This is very likely a problem in your office situation. Don't take it as a personal affront; take it as an opportunity to better yourself professionally.
141510
you can tell HR and they will know youare moaner with no proof.  you got to have real solid evidence which you dont have.  so start sticking up for yourself.  tell hi loudly in fornt of everybody " I am not your cutie pie so back off you old fart.  if he sits by you get up and move.  give him and every person in the room the clear idea that your to good to put up with his sickness.    You gotta fight your own wars nobody can do it for you.  Then when your boss ask whats going on tell her or him.  \n\nbut if you go complian about it without taking any action first they will think "oh brother her comes a new trouble maker", and think you are over reacting becasue you are.
200492
How about not chatting and doing some work?\n\nUseless employees...
1055076
i have a similer problem at my work. she is always talking about other people and the way that they do things. she wants everybody to do it her way.one day i had had enough of her and i politly told her that everybody is not the same, as long as you do the job and do it the right way, whats the difference., as long as the job gets done. we talked for quite awile on how people do things. it kind of opened her up to new ideas on the job.
1103161
Stop acting like God's gift and they'll start paying more attention to you.\n\nA wise old boss once told me, "When it's everybody else, it ain't everybody else."
64433
Repeat everything they say to you right back at them. Or go into sociopath mode and engage them into conversations that dovetail into downright creepiness. Ask their opinion on issues affecting your daily life.
1071157
Who are these people that don't want you to be yourself?  If they are people you call friends, I would find myself new friends.  If they are colleagues, so what, they are just the people you work with.  If it is your family, you need to sit down and talk to them about how you view yourself and how it makes you feel when they try to change you.  \n\nBe yourself, always!!  Love thyself, and most everyone will follow.
682710
listen to your employees.  That is the problem where I work at.  Don't have favorites and treat everyone equal
1008781
Try to be your sweet self....no gossiping on people at work.Speak out loud with confidence on the work you know the best....show off your talents....never show people can get to you.\nIt will pay off sooner or later
1173460
It has been my experience that avoiding those kind of people causes them to find ways of attacking you personally. Staying to yourself usually isn't enough in that situation. Either several people will have to go to the boss (or HR) or find a way for the trouble-maker to have duties outside the office. Eventually, the boss should recognize that drama only happens when she is around. Be forewarned, though, most bosses probably won't care and will just dismiss it all as petty cat fighting.
442421
Live better than them and ignore what they are saying.\n\nPeople who talk crap about other people ae almost always jealous of the person they are speaking ill of.