what should i do when my marriage goes down hill and we've tried everything we know to do?
414395
sounds awfully familar to me, if you want to be lazy and throw in the towel be my guest, and if he always wants to hang out with is friends and not you and that bothers you maybe you should try to be a person worth hanging out with.  you had a child together you didn't die in childbirth get a life, get things to intrest you be them hobbies or whatever if you want someone to be interested in you be interesting.
524551
It seems when things get tense we always imagine the worst will happen to our marriage.  It doesn't have to just because someone else did it.  We can always get past a tough point.  Maybe you just need more time together.
221000
It depends: do you have faith in him? You need to consider what happened with your last relationship. Was it something he did? Was it something you did? Try to figure that out first. That way, if you do choose to start over, you can fix it.\n\nNext, decide if your relationship can be salvaged at all at this point. Has too much gone wrong between you? If so, then make a clean break. Or can you be together without getting too awkward? Do you think there's too much pain, or do you think you can be together without having what went wrong throbbing in your heart each day? If so, then you may be able to save your relationship.\n\nAnd finally, do you want to start over as friends? So far, your husband's intentions and attempt seem genuine; it seems that he really wants to save your relationship by going back to the beginning and fixing the things that went wrong the first time around. Are you willing to go back to square one? And are you ready for if it doesn't work out?\n\nIf you choose to do this, then I think he's right when he says to take it slow. It would be hard, and expecting everything to fix itself quickly would make it harder; it's expecting too much. Chances are, it might even take longer than the first time around because last time, there wasn't the awkwardness or discomfort of a marriage gone down. It's risky, and it won't be easy.\n\nWhatever you choose, good luck and I wish you the very best.
536403
My heart breaks for you. You seem so sad and confused.\n\nSpeaking from experience, blending families is not easy. My husband had 1 son living with him and I had 2 when we got married. And the fur did fly often in the early years. I think part of what kept us trying is that we each came from a failed first marriage and truly wanted this one to work. We even went for family counseling. That helped. I'm thinking that you and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you still have enough feelings for each other that if you can get through this you'll find you have a much stronger relationship. I honestly don't think you can do it without professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself. If nothing else it will help you sort out your own feelings.\n\nAlso, pour out your heart to God. He loves you and your husband very much. He wants to be your strength, to comfort and guide you. Beliefnet.com has this (and many others) prayer for your marriage:\n\nBless Our Relationship  \n\nDear God,\nYou have defined my desire: to be of immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort.\n\nI want to honor my spouse--and you--through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me. \nAmen. ~~~ Heather Kopp  |  Source: "God's Little Book of Guarantees for Marriage" \n\nI know you are hurting and wondering if it can be fixed. I believe it can, as long as you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair your marriage. I pray that you both are willing. God bless you both.\n\nP.S. We've been married almost 20 years. The kids are grown with families of their own. We are more in love than ever. I hope you can say this in 2 decades.
739412
Learn to commit your marriage to God. Be honest and open with your husband. Encourage him to do the same. you both have been hurt so deeply... but God can heal those hurts and restore the love in your relationship.\n\nLearn to pray. Pour your heart out to God. don't use nice polite prayers. Express your anger, your fear, your disappointments... God  wants you to be honest with Him.\n\nRecognise that you will only do more damage if you leave. admit that you need help and seek counsel - godly counsel. Is there a minister you know? A friend who is a Christian?\n\nDon't give up! Don't walk out!\n\nGod can make your marriage stronger than it has ever been!!!\n\nReally!!!
182465
my hubbie and i are married 9 years.  we've been there.  we both love each other deeply, we just forget how important it is to show it as well as say it.  it's easy to fall into your individual ruts, which in turn causes one big rut for the marriage.  get out of the rut!!!  your marriage needs a hero.  do not be afraid to be the one to decide that today is the day the romance comes back to your marriage.  it doesn't have to be grand....join him in the shower, make his favorite meal and serve it to him in bed, come to bed with nothing but the radio on... i am assuming, of course, that you are only missing passion and romance and that there isn't a bigger problem...if the latter is the case, and you need to save your marriage -- talk with a priest or counselor...they can help you see things the both of you may not be seeing...  good luck and have fun!!!
556148
You didn't mention how long you have been married but it really doesn't matter too much.  I think some marriage counseling is in order.  Marriage is a team effort and she deserves your support in getting the extra help that you both need.  Go check out the site listed below.  Great site. Lots of insight.
1047794
Marriage takes work.  You have to decide to work on this relationship and actually communicate your needs as well as find out the needs of your mate.  Don't assume you know what the needs are.  Actually go somewhere and talk.  Talk about desires, hopes and dreams again.  You can do it as you did it in the beginning.  I think people just give up on a marriage because they don't want to try anymore.
1072105
i think we have the same problem. i'm sorry it happened that way but im sure trying to work things out is easiest by talking things over and doing wat is best for BOTH of you.\nGOOD LUCK!
696397
Oh, don't you just love being a woman!  As women, we tend to always want to mend anything, regardless of how much it's hurts us in the past.  My advice to "put the spark back into your marriage" would be to start doing absolutely NEW things together.  This way, you begin creating new memories that will hopefully be pleasing to you.  Then, these new memories can start to fade away the old negative ones and give you more of a sense of hope.  Also, if you believe in the Lord, pray about it.  Satan's best way to destroy you is to start in your home by separating the family.  He attempts to destroy that first, then begins working on you individually.
246697
Marriage can be hard sometimes and yes sometimes you really have to work at it. You have to give in to things or stand your ground. You have to pick and chose your fights, try to do the right thing. I would say think about your relationship are you two just going trough a tough time? Or is the love really gone. Only you can make that decision. Not the people on yahoo answers, we can only offer advice and mine is to really think about what you want! Think about your marriage vows as well, try to talk with your partner as well, honesty is the best policy!
770867
Good job with going to counseling and sticking it out, I think alot of times marriages end so quickly because people get hurt then they decide "I'm done".  What can I say mistakes happen and unfortunately infidelity happens, forgive your husband and forgive him and forgive him (the bible says to) then talk with him and let him know how you are feeling, being married myself my husband once told me that I could talk with him not at him to get him to understand me, so try this.  I know you have been through alot but I also know you must love him to have been with him currently and to have accepted the baby as your step daughter.  No one is perfect, so work at your marriage and if this counseling isn't working try reading your bible a little more, and communicating with eachother. (know one knows you two better then you two)
1103358
counseling is wonderful...if you truly going to work on trying to save your marriage...and living apart while doing so is not bad either...you could start fresh ..so to speak.... however... how can you try to save a marraige if you continue to see and want to be with someone else?\n\nthe only feasable way to truly try to save your marraige... is to tell your friend...that he will have to back off for a while...so you can see if you can salavge your marriage...who knows ...there is a possibility your husband could change...and you could see the man you married to begin with; but...if it doesnt work...you can leave knowing you gave it 100% ...and start a new life with your friend.  \n\nall in all ...you have some serious thinking to do ...this is something only you can answer...we are just here to offer suggestions...\n\ngood luck
319551
My suggestion would be to start all over, let me explain.  When you were dating, before kids, before the wedding, what did you do?  Did you enjoy going to dinners?, movies?, hiking?  Whatever it was that brought you two to the point of falling love do it again.  Send the kids to grandma's for the weekend, get a babysitter for friday night and go to dinner.  Sure, it may feel a little weird the first few times you go out, but that's because you haven't done it in a while.  Start slow and build from there.  There's no majic trick to finding the spark again, you need to work at it, but it will come!  Remind yourself, and your spouse, why you fell in love and got married. \n\nHope this helps!
174229
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
947971
Let him know how you feel if things remain this way get out while you can. If he loves you he will change his ways. Things will only get worse if you done deal with them now.
1179387
Many times we take our frustration and or anger out on the person who is closest to us which is usually the one we love the most! Plan a "date night" with your husband! Tell him in advance that the two of you are going out to dinner together. Pick a restaurant that both of you enjoy. Wear something you know he finds sexy on you. Once this day comes, you are going to start off with a whole new attitude! You are going to be more positive about things. Yes there are things that will get us down but don't let it keep you down, no more S.H.I.T. !!!! From here on you are going to see the brighter side of things! That evening at dinner talk about all of the wonderful things the TWO of you have done TOGETHER! Reminisce about your wedding day, anything of the wonderful things that two of you have done! Also, tell him how after dinner you are going to take him home and the two of you are going to get absolutely wild in bed! After this, wake up each day and realize how good you have things. A wonderful, loving husband, a good family life and all of the other things you may have! Take a positve outlook on things and you will stop giving him that other thing you mentioned. By doing this you will help yourself mostly but also your marriage too!\nGood luck!