How do you explain to your 11/2 yr. old son why his daddy is never around?
400883
that's a rough situaltion.  you just got to keep talking and telling him that sometime this is what happens, and just let him know that you both love him very much.  it gets harder but then it will be ok.  just remember you have great kids and thats what matters
333348
Hmmmm...tough question.  Have you confronted him about the problem and given him the chance to straighten up?  If you haven't then I'd say that you need to confront him straight up with the facts, nothing more.  Anger won't help to do anything but give him the evidence he needs to secure his argument.  If you have talked about it before, I'd say it's time to split.  I realize that your son will have trouble with that, but if you want to, you can arrange for some kind of visitation, so his "daddy" isnt suddenly gone from his life.  That way, the two of them can still have their "playtime" but at the same time the constant aggrivation and anger.
383181
Leave. Pack up the kids for a little vacation and leave him a note. Leave a note saying something like, "I am very serious. This is what you are going to come home to one of these days if you do not make some changes. See you Sunday."\nTell the kids you are just taking a mini vacation and Daddy has to work and can't come. Just go away for one night and see if it wakes him up.\nJust a suggestion.
1179960
None .  I'm sorry you have to go through something like that . I will remember you in my Prayers tonight . My kids went through that and now they don't speak to him b/c of empty promise's on his part .But my kids are fine and they have a awesome father in there life that Loves them more than words can say . I pray that is what will happen in your life . May God Bless and Keep you in his warm embrace . Rest in knowing that he is the one missing out not you.
608044
How close is he to his Dad? My Dad died six months ago, and I find out when my brother called me. \n\nI don't think that you should wake him up. Let him get a good night's rest for tonight, because he probably won't have another for weeks.\n\nI'd really have to know the situation to know how to word this, but I suggest that you be honest. Your son will feel that he has been cheated in some way, and you do not want to add to that by deceiving him in any way. \n\nI know it's hard, but you really have to just tell him, and you are going to have a really hard time ahead of both of you. You also should have him go to the funeral, and encourage him to if he's scared. He will only have one chance to do this, and if he doesn't, he may regret it the rest of his life. Don't force it, but let him know that you don't want him to miss saying goodbye if he feels he needs to. I had to do this... I had to see my father dead, because I never would have believed it otherwise - and I'm 26, not 11.\n\nSome things you can tell him is that there are things that death can't take away. Death cannot take away the love that was between him and his father. Death cannot take away the memories he has. Once the situation settles a little and the first bit of shock is gone, find ways to remember his father - help him burn a CD that reminds him of his Dad. Make a scrapbook with him. Make a book for him with your memories of his Dad (the good ones). Find creative outlets for his emotions. Let him get angry, let him cry, and make sure that he maintains himself. \n\nPlease, please, please, concentrate on the good things about his Dad, and stay away from the bad things. My mom is still talking about all the things my Dad did wrong, and I could just strangle her. If you do this, he will see you as insecure and will turn his anger toward you. \n\nDo not accept at any point that he is over it. If you do, you may end up with a cery angry teen that starts to act out in a few years. Don't hound him, but every now and then, initiate a conversation about it and make sure he knows that you are there. \n\nEducate yourself about the grieving process and about depression and suicide warning signs. If your son appears to have a problem that goes beyond normal grieving, get him to a counselor. \n\nMy best wishes to you and your son. May his Dad watch over both of you.
790528
Exactly how you said it at the end of your question. That is very simplified " Because granny was mean to daddy when he was little and daddy is still upset about it"  you know I mean you might want to add a few other things like Daddy never really talked to granny about it. Things like that if you overcomplicate it, it's just going to confuse and upset them. If your kid asks why daddy never talked to granny about it say you don't know and if they really want to know maybe they should ask daddy about it. It will either do one of two things he'll give your kid the run around or it will actually make him think about it enough to maybe actually do something about it now and help resolve the issue, you'd be suprised what the look of an innocent child with a hard question on their lips can do to an adult.
479571
I think that is awesome that you are so forgiving, and excited to see your dad.. It's really amazing how your daughter was born on his birthday to.. I think that sometimes fate has a way of making things work out..You should just be very open and honest with your dad.. Tell him all the things that you have thought about over the years, and how much you have missed having him in your life.. Be receptive to what he has to say.. I hope that he involves himself with you and his new granddaughter from now on too.. I kinda know the feelings you have.. My dad passed away when I was eight. I don't remember him, and God knows how much I needed him there.. it's like you are always looking for something to replace that bond with.. \nI hope everything works out just as you hope it will!
1162109
somewhere that his son chooses where he is comfortable - local park, what are his hobbies? what he like doing? do something that he likes doing, ie football in the park, try inline skating, whatever he would like. Even if its something you hate doing or think you might look a fool, just do it.  \n\nDont try to talk to much to him, let him slowly adjust to you being around, it will take time, and you my find things difficult for a long time,  but you should be able to come to some sort of comfort point where you can be with each other a bit easier.\n\nDont buy presents unnecessarily- kids see through bribery easily. all you can do is be yourself and let him come around to the idea. It must be hard for any kid to adjust to mummy and daddy breaking up, so just take things slowly.\n\nall the best.
63838
Tell him just the truth... that you're going on with life and that he can't be your "partner" anymore, but he'll always be the kids' dad, and that the two of you need to get clear about that so you can keep doing right by the kids. Then keep writing him about the childrens activities, send pictures of the kids that you are not in, and simply don't reply to any romancing he tries to send your way...make the kids the focus of every letter.\nGood luck.
1081494
Talk to him, give him a certain time to be home, and come home even earlier than that if you can! Always call about once every 30 minutes, so your dad will know that you are safe!! Hope my advice worked!
1007487
He's worthless.....so start weaning your kids from him.  Never talk bad about him in front of the kids.....they'll eventually will learn and have their own opinions of him.  Any father who doesn't want to spend time with his children is a worthless piece of sh*t.  If worse gets to worse....you could always tell the kids that he moved far away.   Best of luck to you..........
910331
First of all, remember children are far more resilient that adults realize.  If you're strong, your son will be as well.  \n\nYou both need to sit your son down and talk to him.  Explain to him where daddy will be and what he'll be doing.  Get a calendar and show him just how long it'll be.  Then tell him he can start marking off days until daddy comes home.  Also, explain to him that things come up in the military and it might be a bit longer or shorter.\n\nTake pics of daddy and son together.  Put them in a photo album just for your son.  Also, when our daughter was young, I got a non-breakable plastic picture frame.  It was part of her daily toys she played with.  Whenever she played, there was daddy, right along with her.\n\nThere's no telling when he'll be able to make phone calls.  It's not always convenient to have your son there or awake when the calls come in.  However, as often as possible, he should call to talk to your son as well as you.  Also, have him write and adress letters specifically for your son.  It makes them feel special if their not just part of the letters to mom.\n\nOther than that, all I can tell you is to be strong.  He WILL pick up on whatever emotions you're feeling.  If you're upset, he's going to be.  If you cry, he's going to cry too.  Kids are very strong and very smart.  They honestly usually do as well as the parent at home does.  Be sure not to change his routines or do things different than you normally do.  \n\nGood luck!!  Tell your hubby to stay safe and "thanks" from one who's been through it 3 times already.
897928
DAY at a TIME. If you still love him then try reverse psychology. Be nice to him, agree with what he says, and he will not know what to do or say. Be mature and tell him, ....OH, I am so tired of us not getting along...it is so old. Interfere in your life? He is still part of your life because of the kids, and he will always be a part. Try it, what could it hurt? I went through the same things, my kids would say....she wants us to call her mom... Then I said ...how lucky...you have two moms. ... And honey, if something were to happen to me, then she would take care of you. IT works !!  I used psychology to get control of any situation..  Oh  and if you want to get him back , just tell him.. I had a dream of us, when we first met, do you remember or say positive things, like...the kids did something today and it reminded me of you, they sure are just like their father. If you are still married, there is still hope if that is what you really want. Good Luck !
902552
First of all, know your boundaries with his dad in relationship to discipline his son. Then, try to find a common ground with the child, something that eliminates you as a threat.Because right now, he looks at you as the person who is taking away his daddy from him. Once he realizes you aren't the enemy, he will warm up to you and listen to you. Also suggest to daddy that he have a talk with him on respect, and that you're not going to hurt him.
1071850
Separations are never easy (as I very well know)...Give yourself and your child time!!\n\nTalk to your child, and let your child know he/she is loved by 'both' of you.. and if need be, reassure him/her that it is not his/her fault you broke up!! (as some may think/ feel this way).\n\nYou have left your partner for I have no doubt good reason: but he/she has in their eyes lost a daddy, and is going through a grieving process of their own, which takes time to come to grips with.  \n\nHopefully daddy will still be around, and be able and willing to play a part in his child's life ... and if like my ex-partner and myself, maybe you two will be able to put the past behind and become 'friends' for real, or for the sake of your child in time, and then he/she will have the best of both worlds!!\n\nIts a difficult one, and my heart goes out to you.
577816
I will tell you something personal. I have a 3 yr. old son. I am divorced, I miss my son very, very much. I cry each nite that I cannot be with him. His mother is court ordered to let me have him each weekend for 3 days. Everytime I go to get him, she is gone. I have given up hope. I know he is still young but I know he knows his dad and loves me very much. He will find me someday.
117244
it's pretty hard to know what the problem is, based on the vagueness of your question. my first reaction is that you've lost touch with your son, which means you've gotten out of the habit of talking to him in a conversational way. and exactly what are you looking for in saying "normal"? does that mean he's not what you want him to be? because most kids won't be at various times. \n\npre-teens are, as a part of normal growing up, becoming more independent and trying on different personas in order to find out where they fit in the world. it is perfectly normal for that to be pretty baffling for adult observers. the main thing is to stay (become?) accessible and loving (no matter what). if your child is a stranger to you, you've got some serious work to do. (and it ought to be a Big Priority.)