my dad has lately been horrible 2 my mum, he always puts down her confidence and she crys wen shes alone?
362151
These are very sensitive issues, try to understand the reasons behind such behavior, it can be financial, social, emotional etc. The cause can be some where else and you see the effect here. It is easy to give solutions but they may not work since the issues can be unique. It is also not fair on our part to ask more details to come to a appropriate answer, after all this is a personal matter.\nYou can find the answer but you show be unbiased in tackling the issues. Good Luck
293852
It is difficult to comment on a relationship that I only know a part of. You must remember that it is not your fault that your dad has unfortunately become an alcoholic. Your mom, I can imagine is under sever stress as she perhaps is trying to keep the family in a normal, non eventful routine. In her trials and tribulations to work out a plan to keep your family together and get your dad some help she might have succumbed to the stress. Talk to her about how you feel and how her actions are affecting you. Create a common goal, that is to get your family and dad back on track. Remind yourslef and your mom of the small victories you bith earned together, to feel good. May my advice not only bring you some peace but hope that all can get better.
402131
i think you must first understand that as much as people can love each other, their are other factors to adult relations, i think that it is showing that they do not seem to be getting on well right now adn it may mean that it is time for them to move on and seperate but it also may mean that they are going through a difficult time and may have to work at things for a while to make them better.\n\ndefo have a good chat with ur mum, tell her how ur feeling and maybe she will explain to you how things are for her and her partner right now, put ur mind at ease.\n\nif the do seperate im sure it will be best for all concerned, if not things may be difficult for a while as they try to repair things.\n\ni hope everything works out for the best sweetie, try not to worrie to much and remember no matter what happens you still have a very loving family around you that care for you very much x x
601470
Katie, you are a victim of too much information. You know things about your parents that you really don't need to know. You are not responsible for their problems or for the decisions they have made for their own lives. Seeing the flaws in your family, coming to terms with the deceptions, is a tough thing to deal with.\n\nI'm not sure how old you are, but I'm guessing you are still a minor, living with your parents. You need to sit down with both your parents and talk about all that you know. You need to suggest that you all go to family counseling so that someone neutral can help you figure out where you go from here.\n\nI repeat, you are not responsible for your parents' problems. Your father was wrong to tell you all the things he told you, but since the cat is out of the bag, your mother needs to know what you know and you need to decide as a family what to do about all this. If your dad is suicidal, he needs to get help. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have parents you can't fully depend on, so you need to learn how to take care of yourself. Look outside your immediate family for a trusted adult (a school counselor, a pastor) who can help you negotiate through this minefield and help you find the help you need.
1087499
Talk to her...first you need to be honest with yourself if you your usually a bad kid, acknowledge that and tell her how much it hurts you to see you dissapoint her and therefore want help to change. If your whine alot and complain about the world, and claim everything is everyone else fault (which if you are your probably like nope...not me =)) lol, but if she says you are talk to her about the future and how you're maturing and realized that you have to take control and except responsibilities. If your a pretty decent kid though but I guess she doesn't like your BF I honestly think you should listen to her reasons why whether you think she "knows him", if thier superficial reasons like he's not your race or too poor or some bull like that then your mom's an @-- (sry to say) but therefore has no more credibilty on her opinions of people. If it's because your BF is too old, a dog, something like that, your mom has wisdom and experience and trust me she IS right. I don't really know what you n your mom's problem is so I tried touching on random things, hopefully some of thoserandom thing's hit you and it helped, thanks and I hope you and your mom works things out, a girl no matter how old, can never live without her mother =)
684231
Wow, what a tough one...\nI feel sorry for you. He has obviously been a victim of manipulation. She has stooped really low here. She realized that tactic would work on him, and she is playing it for all it is worth. He needs to stand up to her, and tell her that kind of logic isn't going to work anymore, if he really feels that way. He can reassure his daughter that just beacuse Mom, and Dad don't get along, it doesn't mean that the love they feel towards her, individually, has waned. She screwed up. Not him. If he wants to fix things between the two of them, there is nothing you can do, though. He needs to figure out what he wants. Unfortunately, you are in the wings right now. The best thing you can do, is be patient. He is confused, and needs time to get his mind straight. If he truely loves you, and you him, he should see that, and come back to you. Be supportive for him. He needs it....
919978
It's hard to like a parent like that. Sure you love them because they're the person that brought you into this world but your mom sounds self absorbed and miserable. Not much you can do about that and definitely don't take it personally. SHE has the problem.Shes too wrapped up in her own self to take notice of you and the sad thing is that that kind of behavior is HER loss.Keep the phonecalls short put a timer on in your kitchen when you know you're going to talk to her.Feel free to interupt her  and start talking about your own life whether you think she's interested in it or not.You weren't put on the earth only to service her needs. If she sounds lonely make brief suggestions for her to join some groups or other practical solutions to her problems.If she starts up with the same old stuff again the next time that you talk to her interupt her and tell her that she already told you about that and you want to know when she's going to do something about it.It might sound mean but it's really not.Not allowing her to go on and on is being kind to yourself and it forces her to  get the fact that you're not willing to listen to her if shes not willing to try to make the effort to solve her own problems.Good luck...
722758
Try and talk to your mum, Tell her how you feel. If you really cant talk to her then write her a letter or an email. Explain that you are only writing to her because she will not listen when you try to tal to her. I am sure that when she realises how sad you are she will change. Being a teenager is very hard the good thing is it will get better.\nGood luck.
400937
depending on how old u r and even still lol no matter how old u r ur dad cares and no one is good enough for his little girl....u seem pretty close though so sit him down and tell him that u r growing up and he has taught u to be sensible and u wont do anything silly...as much as he tries to be a mate to u he still has his daddy instincts to him it was only the other day u were running round in nappies and running to him when u fell over ...its kinda hard for him to accept that he cant catch u when u fall and he cant always just kiss the wound better and put a plaster on it...its totally different he has to adapt as well u just have to persuade him that he has brought u up to be sensible and responsible and u will not do anything till u r ready......take it easy on him even if it is hard on u he is learning to and it is pretty heart breaking to know his little girl is growing up lol but he still has to learn and ur the only one to teach him despite his tantrums....lol do u feel older than him yet??because now ur the teacher??
591570
Your not the only one with a jealous and selfish parent. It's not right for her to make you insecure like that. But remember that you know your man better. Maybe your mother has been hurt alot by men so she is trying to protect you from that heartbreak. Talk with her and say you appreciate the concern but you have to live your own life. The lucky thing is that us women have a deep intuition. So listen to your heart at all times....even when your mind is playing tricks on you.
1120447
you need a hug.\n\nyou sound like your mom didn't love you enough, or did your daddy not love you engouh.\n\nThis cry for help is very brave.
531822
If your mums in denial like you say then it doesn't sound like she is in love with him anyway. She may just want him for a companion. You gave her warning so now let it go and be there for her when she catches him in the act. Maybe she doesn't want to see that he's like that so she turns her head. She may just need him to keep the loneliness away.
1013800
I would probably get very stressed out at the time but children are extremely resilient and cope well with most things. Getting angry about it as a teenager is normal and your mum and sublings should understand almost any way you cope within reason. If I was a bit older, I would probably want to track my dad down though, and give him a good talking to about how abandoned I felt and the impact it had on my life. After that I would probably want to just  talk it out civilly
906570
Oh Kirk - you need to get out of there as soon as you can.  You deserve better.  There is help and support out there. No one has the right to treat you like that.  Are there any agencies you could contact ? And please contact your mom or another close relative or someone you feel you can trust.  I guess you much feel totally alone and scared and adults have not exactly been a source of trust for you.  Believe me you need to get out.  I wish I could help  I truly do.  I am in Scotland.  I am not surprised that you feel so bad about your life.  IT IS NOT your fault please believe that.  Contact someone and get yourself to safety.
1031345
I really do sympathise with you but you gotta let her go - if you don't she will end up resenting you.   If you let her go, the older she gets, she will realise that Daddy ain't all he's cracked up to be.  Good Luck xx
622133
Hello Cooldure\n\nIt sounds like things are kind of tough on you these days. Are you the oldest child in the family? How long has your Mom been gone? Does your Dad's sister live there, too, and does she help you deal with the work it takes to look after everybody? Does your Dad help with the housework? If you are trying to do everything yourself that certainly isn't fair. If your Dad is working long hours to earn money to take care of you all, he probably complains about your mother not helping out. That's hard for you to listen too.\n\nIt's good that you are trying to teach your brothers and sisters how to behave and how to work to help you. I admire you for doing so. Lots of young girls would be trying to get away from all that responsibility. I'll bet you're tired a lot of the time, and you probably feel like nobody appreciates you. \n\nYou should relax a little and just be the young girl you really are. Let some of the work wait and have a big sister day with your little sis. Go somewhere together, just the two of you, even if it's just for a long walk. Take a lunch along and spend some time together just talking and playing. Let her know how much you care about her and how you only want her to learn these things so she can take care of herself someday. Also you should spend a little time together everyday, just the two of you. I don't know how old she is so it's hard to tell you what to do here, but fuss over her a little and show her your love. Give her a hug once in awhile and tell her she's a good girl when she is. She'll give you a few hugs in return and it seems to me that you need a few of those. She will listen better, and you will have more patience with her, when things are friendlier between you. As long as your sister knows you love her, it doesn't matter what your Dad says about it, does it?\n\nWhen you are getting along better with your sister, your Dad should stop saying these things to you. If he doesn't, remember this: nothing lasts forever. You are learning how to take care of yourself and other people. Someday you will be finished school and have a job. You will be able to move out and take care of yourself. You won't have to stay where you are treated unkindly. \n\nFor now also remember that your Dad is probably an unhappy man whose wife has left him. Unhappy people sometimes aren't very nice to be around. Keep your chin up and don't let this get you down. You have a whole life ahead of you and I know you'll make it a good one. A hard working girl like you can't help being a success. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. I hope you have a friend that you can talk to and visit at times. You can email me if you want to. I had a step daddy who didn't like me much when I was your age, and I hated him, too, so I understand a little about your problems. I didn't hate him anymore after I grewup and he liked me a lot better, too. You and your Dad will work this out. Good luck, my dear.
1123607
The things that have happened to you are terrible and of course it is abuse.  You really need a trusted adult to help you.  The fact that you were able to post on here means that you are ready to get the help you need.  I'm a licensed psychiatric social worker and I came from a really crappy upbringing too.  My dad was physically abusive and my mom was pretty depressed and didn't stop him.  I managed to get past the abuse and lead a productive life but even today, I remember the abuse and have to deal with the feelings surrounding it.  You are too young and your life is too precious to be lost in the cycle of child abuse.  The sooner you get help the more likely you are to move on successfully with your life.  You don't need your parents permission to seek counseling.  School counselors are an option.  I recognize that trusting adults right now is probably difficult and I'm sure you still love your parents to some extent.  What you need to understand is that if your parents are abusing or neglecting you, they are sick too and need help.  Right now you need to realize that you are worth saving and not all adults are bad.  Your life can and WILL get better.  I don't know where you live and what resources are available there but I would be happy to help you in anyway I can.  Please feel free to email me if you need more help or someone to talk to.  My email is jazzy_59602@yahoo.com.  Please stay safe and reach out to someone.