How do you get a significant other to commit really? or should I just pack my bags?
374020
Your situation is lke tons of others. It is like you have to have a dog, because everyone of your gal pals has a dog. so when you all get together, they hace something in common to chat about and you are left out. So you find some busted down junk yard dog to take home and make your own. But the dog distroys the kitchen everynight, chews every new pair of shoes you bring home, and leaves nice smelly "love" packages in the corner when you wake up. And you don't like it and complain. Like a dog you can't train you have 3 options:\n\nOne: Except the dog and his bad habits. Lock the kitched down everynight. Keep your shoes outof sight. Keel a good supply of scrub brushes, cleaners, and deoderizers on hand Put down a warm bet and food and be glad you at least have one.\n\nTwo: Find a way to get the dog trained to where you want him to be. \n\nThree: If you can not live with the conditions the dog does to your home and effects. Kick the dog to the curb, and find one that fits your life better. \n\nThe "but" is just a way of ducking the issue. It is like saying "well the dog DOES cost me more time cleaning the kitchen, and way more money on carpet cleaning bills then I want to spend. And he cost me 100s of extra dollars on shoes, BUT he has not tried to bite me YET" Ask your self, is those "cute and lovable times" worth doing all the washing, cleaning, car washing, maybe bill paying? If so, why post a question asking if you should go? Only YOU know if it is worth it. Would you ask somesome if you should keep on buying phone cards that are suppose to give you 6 months of unlimited calls anywhere in the world that didn't just because someone else who was not spending the money on them told you it was a good deal? I know you know when you feel cheated, and by what you are saying it sounds as if you don't feel things are even. Whether it makes you feel cheated only YOU know that. \n\nThen, you mush have been aware of some of this before you moved in. Unless you never went to his home. And when you were together it was all physical and hardly no talking. You say he still does not want to grow up. What does that mean to you(maybe different to him), and what do you think keeps him from doing it?\n\nNow. How to train this "dog" to not muck up the kichen, do his business outside, and keep off your shoes. As in business the fear of loss is greater than the desire to gain. Tell him you have something to do in the evening(don't tell him what, be vague), so a housekeeper will need to be found. Quote a rather high price and tell him since half the place is his, he need to help out. If he balks then bring it up to him that he doesn't do anything to help, and it has to be clean. Start feeding him on paper plates with plastic spoons. If he balks, bring it up he don't do dishes and you have your "thing" you will be doing and won't have time. He doesn't want to help with the wash, send ALL his clothes to the dry cleaners. If he ask, you don't have time to do that many loads, if he did some.... Don't nag him about stuff. Men are kings at pinching that crap off. But the pocket book. That ain't ignored for long. As for your "thing" you can take some BS piano lessonm or ballroom dancing class. Whatever. Make sure the instrutor is MALE. Get a male friend you can trust and make one up if you have to. Married hopefully but if he thinks you are getting close to another male his ear will be open when you speak of him. Tell your "dog" how Mr Piano teacher has such a clean home. And how he is festidious about keeping it up. How he ALWAYS insist on bringing you coffee and not having you get up etc. And if all else fails, use the nuclear option. When he gets frisky, tell him, "no tonight. I am tired. I had to bla bla bla and now my sholders and lover back is stiff." If he want it THAT bad, he will get off his lazy tail and make s
727506
Oh, poor guy... Just listen to what you're saying: you're basically TRYING TO MAKE HIM marry you. With that kind of attitude, I don't think that guy will marry you without doubting himself whether this relationship will work. If you try to push him here, what else does he have to expect, once you're married and live together? He won't have a second of freedom to breathe - that's what you're telling him.\nDon't get frustrated. If he doesn't propose just yet - he's got a reason to do that. Either he is trying to make a surprise for you, or maybe, he is still trying to figure out how will this whole marriage thing work. If you think he's not really planning to propose - then why in the world do you insist on him to do that? If he does plan to propose and waits for the right moment, you're pushing that moment farther and farther away, because you're thinking about it all the time, and he can't propose to you by surprise if that's all you think about. Maybe, he's been carrying a ring in his pocket for weeks now. But when you two meet.... "Hi, honey, when are you going to propose to me?" -" Oh, yea, I was just going to do that..." Sweet surprise, isn't it? Give him time and space, let him get ready. It's a big step in both of your lives. And it's not every day you get married.\nBtw... Me and my gf have known each other for almost 3 years. And yet I still haven't proposed to her (even though we too talked about marriage many times). We are still figuring out each other, trying to understand the relationship better and soften out sharp egdes, which have a potential of ruining our relationship. Once we both think we've got to know each other well enough, then we'll start making plans of a wedding. Until then, we enjoy each others' company and get to know ourselves really well. One thing neither of us wants to happen is to find some really bad surprise about another person when we're already married. Way too many relationships brake up because they started too quickly. If people in those relationships would get to know each other before dating - maybe they'd never want to date another person and save tons of nerves and time.
411794
Well, you didn't tell us how old you are so we have no idea if you're ready to settle down. Not that age would be an indicator that's set in stone but it usually gives context for your life experiences. Just go with the flow so that you see where you really stand on this issue.  If you're not ready to be seriously committed first, don't force it or you'll just end up hurting the both of you.
541989
I think everyone who is committed feels like they want to be free sometimes.  You have to realize that you are committed and before you go to someone else you have to end what your in the middle of FIRST.  Being in a relationship is worth it but you have to work hard at it.  AND BE FAITHFUL.
1082373
Commit to her! If you’re not ready to make a commitment, break things off with her. Otherwise, you are just using her.
232277
Maybe he's afraid to commit right now, just give him space....and time will take care of the rest! If he acts likes it, most likely he does....don't ruin a good thing.
931045
At the time you may not see it this way but my motto is "everything happens for a reason". You can't always see the reason at the time but later on you will look back down the road and agree. Don't stress the situation so much, both of you should talk about making compromises, and just go with the flow. Things will happen in due time and if its meant to be it will be!
723354
Yeah I think I have a borderline attachment disorder! lol. I have commited in the past, it's just that I don't want to at the moment. I value my freedom and my life so much, that it would take someone very special for me to want to settle down and sacrifice all that.\n\nYou just have to be willing to make a few sacrifices, and able to drop the fear that goes along with commitment.\n\nGood luck :)
1119306
Sometimes you gotta go with your heart... he may be getting cold feet (at the mention of marriage) especially if he was a quote/unquote  "player" before devoting himself to a relationship with you... sometimes the hardest thing is to think "is this the one?" The risk is in the leap of faith you take, by making the vows and all... will you really love him for the rest of your life?, visa versa on his part... sometimes open lines of communication is key... keep your head up girl! maybe he just needs some time to think about his place in this... talk about things then let it go... dwelling on it will only make things become ackwardly annoying to each of you.,..say whats on your mind let him say his piece, then go on to daily routine...
239332
It will work as long as you trust each other and you are committed.  I am in the same situation.
555596
Be honest with the person you are with now and finish it - then move on\n\nHonesty is THE best thing, even if it seems very difficult
1065765
At home with their wives, who take care of them. Being in a committed relationship requires a lot of communication and understanding. I hate to say it because women do not want to hear this but if you are trying to do it all, your man is going to need more attention than you can give him, and the commitment you are seeking he will not be able to honor.
624349
Try compromising.Relationships change with time. Just go with the flow.
455374
When a rerson makes a commitment to another person, they should do what they say they're going to do. If you truly "love" the person, then you will find ways to stay together. Then why am I divorced you ask.......I can only speak for myself and not somebody else. I made that commitment......she didn't! Both people have to make it(commitment) for it to work. There has to be a oneness of purpose, and an undying bond for them to stay together forever. Happens every day! Good luck in your life, and may you find that "perfect one".
451682
Lots of people make that commitment, but not many manage to keep it.\n\nI would say that if you only "really like him or maybe even more" then now is not the time to be thinking about making such a commitment anyway.\n\nWhen you find somebody that you simply can't be without and love more than you love your own life, then and only then should you consider such promises.\n\nPlease, don't give yourself away so cheaply.
823353
What is the rush?  If he is hesitant to talk about it or “side-stepping” the idea at the moment, why push it?   If he was really read to commit right now, he would approach you on it.  You know how men are, when they really want something they manage to get to work on it all by themselves
156667
I would tell my partner I didn't force the promise, but once it is freely given, I expect it to be kept, and will be offended otherwise.\nIf however you forced him to an agreement, he will feel resentful about the coercion and refuse to do it, actively or passively. The key is always convince him to agree with your position freely, to give him some sense of free will/choice. If you fail in that, not only the promises would be broken, the whole relationship might be.\nAnd if you succeed, you will have things done, and convince him in the process it was as much his idea as yours. Then you both ought to be happy with your relationship.