I have a male friend in the military that is getting a divorce and his wife is being extremely difficult...?
362070
I'm retired from the navy and divorced. An active duty single parent in a deploy-able status (sea duty) has to designate a caretaker for dependent children. There is allot more at stake though, there are dependent allowances related to food and housing which add up to a significant annual sum. I would get a lawyer and as for arbitration first.  As far as deployments there are laws to protect military personnel from legal action while deployed...use the JAG office get your questions answered. Do not be intimidated!!!
301642
You say you are a Christian and so am I... one of the symptoms of PTSD is victimizing others. I believe this is what he is doing. I suggest that you insist on two things - first, that he get out of the military the next chance he gets, and two that you go to counseling - TOGETHER. God does not allow for divorce in very many cases... adultery is one of them - if he gets physically abusive, that would also be an exception. If you are interested in saving your marriage, which you seem to be, then I suggest you try this. Your husband is going through something that you cannot understand, but he is dealing with it very poorly. So the solution is for you to understand, for him to get help, and for you to get help healing your heart. You have to get back on the same page. By the way, if you don't get help and the situation escalates, you could be at risk for PTSD, too. Best of luck and God Bless.
781727
you can't "divorce" your friend...because you were never married to be able to do so. you can "drop" a friend which in this matter means stop being friends with them but divorcing them would only be capable if you were married to them. anyways you don't have a good friend and should "drop" her...lol.
1178468
Don't worry about your friends marriage. All marriages are different & they all have their up & downs. You will experience hard times, if you keep your communication open & don't play the blame game, you'll be able to make it through. You can also try counseling at those times to. It sometimes helps to get a 3rd opinion.\nYou might want to give everyone's advice to your friend. Sounds like she's the one who needs the help.
1095214
Sounds like your friend needs to get into marriage counseling.  Marriage is hard and if you don't work at it and really put the effor in to keep your friendship/relationship with your spouse good it will go sour eventually.
1020209
Well I went through the same things so I can tell you EXACTLY what she have to expect to happen. He is already in the army and at his duty station, which mean that she is NOT in his orders. They can get married but they are NOT going to move her or the kids (if any) because they weren't married BEFORE he got the orders. So as far as the military is concerned, the marriage mean NOTHING. After he comes back home for good or get orders to be stationed somewhere else then its a process (About 2-3weeks) (maybe shorter or longer) to get in the DoD system) he have to go through to get his wife and the kids (if any) in the system so that they can be included in his orders next time. My husband is in the Marines and he got orders to Japan. We got married after he received his orders so i had to wait until his two year were up (which will be next month) before me and our child were included in his orders. So from next month on out me and our daughter will be able to travel with him where-ever he goes....if I can answer any more questions just let me know, cause I KNOW 1st hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as housing goes once he is stationed at another base or whateva they an get on base housing (if available) if not he can get BHA (Basic Housing Allowance)...which will pay for them to live in civilian housing off-base. So they can get married and YES it can work out even though there is a HIGH divorce rate for the military..it all depends on them if they willing to make it work...(Its hard at times though but they just have to be strong)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1121078
My hubby was deployed for a year and I know how hard it is.  What got me through it was getting a full time job that allowed me to take his phone calls during work hours, and sending alot of email and packages.  Just keep in mind that he will come home safely and make sure you have a good support group at home for you.  If you stay strong and supportive it will help him more than you will ever know.  Even though you aren't married you can also call the FRG (Family Readiness Group) that will be set up.  Also if at all possible try and go to see him off.  It'll be good for you to meet some of the women in the FRG and you might get to know a few you really connect with.  If you want to talk or have any questions feel free to email me and I will try to help.\nAlso, from being a military spouse for 4 years, don't worry about the deployment thing until he actually has the orders.  In the military, alot of rumors are spread around (my husband was originally suppose to go a year before he was actually deployed) so don't worry until he has the orders.  Hope this helps.
691485
it's extremely sad. I heard about a soldier who's wife broke it off with him via e-mail. She said she couldn't wait for him anymore and that she was in love w/ another man. He begged her not to divorce her. She refused to wait or even talk to him anymore. The soldier blew his brains out. She ended up collecting $250k in military insurance.  This world is going to hell in a handbasket.
401498
i dont think this is normal i think she still wants him in her life even tho theyre divorced she shuld let go of him and he shuld move on too. and he might be affected real;l;y badly which is y he shuld lay low from her maybe go somewhere to hang with his friends. also he culd just say no wen she asks for favors, i mean she has a husband y cant the husband help the wife. \ngood luck to the guy
62223
sense the first answer you got was useless!! And based on the idiots personal feelings about a military that he probably doesn't have the guts to join and serve with!!!!\n\nI will do my best to help. The entry-level separation is for people who "can't" make it. Either they fail to meet the requirements physically, or they are a discipline problem. It won’t be a dishonorable discharge; it would be a “general discharge” And would be further classified as, under “Honorable” or “Less than Honorable” conditions. As far as I know “your friend” wouldn’t fall into this category being as she has already graduated boot camp. I would suggest that she go to her first unit and “ride it out” for alittle while. I served 12 years in the military and can tell you that not everyone is cut out for the service. Most people that I have dealt with that want out are usually new and kinda flip out in boot camp. The rest of the service isn’t like that. It honestly is similar to a 9-5 job.\nYour friend had to know that the military isn’t the “girl scouts” She had to of known there was a chance of getting deployed? Either way I would say to her that she should at least get to her unit and do her job for a few months and if after that she still doesn’t feel like she is cut out for it, go talk to her Chaplin and then her commander to see what her options are. Hope this helps! (Tell “your friend” to keep her chin up!) There is a category called "failure to adapt" this is for people who have served -12 months active duty and "aren't cut out for the military" Not sure of the exact details for that one.
1050776
(A friend huh? )  Why is it that when ever someone on this site wants a "quickie divorce",or wants to break up with someone,the first thing they say is: "It's not me-it's for a friend?"\n\n(1) First of all,why waste your time trying to get answers to your friends problems? Is he/she not capable of taking care of this him/herself?\n( 2) Do you think people on this site are able to determine why this marriage should end,without details?\n(3) Stop Lying!-Your the one who wants the " Quicky divorce" (wink,wink!). You probably got married just as quick,and as a matter of fact,you probably do "everything" quick (wink,wink). (Anyway) stop trying to do everything so "Quickly". Pay the cost to end the marriage,or prove to the Lawyers,that YOUR WIFE is capable of footing the bill!. \n\n(PS) Just to let you know,there is no such thing as "breaking away clean",from a divorce. Everyone will pay,suffer,or whatever in the long run. Don't forget about Alimony,and paying any bills she has accumulated over the years. Good thing there's no kids involved. (Good luck)
446993
If he is regular army (RA) you can expect him to be deployed quite a bit in the next few years as the operations tempo is probably going to be pretty high. So, at least for the time being, get used to him being away. \n\nAlso, if he wants to make this a career, get used to moving around a bit. You will have the opportunity to live in different areas of the country as well as different countries, not always of you and your husband's choosing. It's a difficult lifestyle, one that many civilians don't and really can't understand. But take comfort in the fact that other military wives (and husbands if the female is a soldier and the husband is a civilian) are in the exact same boat as you, friends are easy to make.
705432
Being a military wife, yes, it's hard when my husband is deployed for long periods but I have gotten used to it.  I have my own job, activities and friends to bide my time with while he is away.  I knew what I was getting into when we got married and I'm sticking with it.
466150
I know what you mean.  My husband is a soldier in the Army.  We spend a lot of time apart with him in very dangerous situations. It would be really easy to get down, or be negative.  I just keep in mind that my husband is a great and brave man fighting for those too weak to fight for themselves.  What keeps me going is the pride I feel for him, and the wonderful moments come everyday when you treasure each other the way we do.\n\nGet Blessed!
1081923
deployments are hard...i'm going through my first right now.  We're 8 months in....and it's going really smoothly besides the loneliness factor.  I'm by no means a professional at this, i'll just give you some tips that have helped my husband and I through so far.  \n\nFirst off...i try to send him something twice a week.  Whether it's a package with beef jerky and books and games, or just a card with some pictures in it....it keeps him going. He loves getting the mail, and it gives him something to look forward to.  \n\nUnless he's a big writer, don't expect too many letters.  There honestly isn't that much to say about what's going on over there. Either he can't tell you...or he doesn't want to.  Leave it at that.  Don't question him.  It's hard.  \n\nThis first deployment will make or break your marriage.  You need to be strong and supportive of everything he does.  Just remind him how much you love him, and miss him, and how proud you are of what he's doing.  Being a military wife is the hardest job in the military, because you're the home base and the shoulder to lean on.  Again, just be strong.  \n\nIf you leave on or near base, there are FRG's you can get involved with.  That's a family readiness group in case you didn't know.  They personally didn't help me much, but they'll keep you up to date on deployments and things happening around base that you might be interested in.  \n\nMAKE SURE you have power of attorney.  It's next to impossible to do anything without it.  3 words...power of attorney.  \n\nNow what to expect...expect sleepless nights.....alot of worrying about where he is, what he's doing, when he might get the chance to call again.  There are blackouts CONSTANTLY, sometimes my husband can't call for a week.  Again, if you live on or near a base, from my personal experience, you're just another military wife....they aren't that sympathetic.  \n\nIf you have any questions, or just feel like you need someone to talk to....feel free to contact me, i don't know much, but i'm going through the same thing you are.  Good luck, and god bless....you'll do fine!!!
799598
correct u mundo!! there isnt such a thing as a military divorce. as the old saying goes??? if the military wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one!! best to go to a civilian attorney and get some legal advice on what to do. fo the most part the military will stay out of the divorce and seperation process. now the one exception is that once a  divorce decree is issued and you are ordered to pay child support or spousal support. if you fail to do so then you can be in violation of the ucmj and face the music. so my advice is if you can work it out do so, or otherwise get the hell out of the military, because your spouse will have you by the balls as long as you are in uniform. she only has to call your commander to complain and you will be standing tall before the man.
82235
I agree with most everyone here about one thing. You need to remove yourself from the situation NOW. If their marriage is going to fall apart, it will do so without any help from you. Give her a chance to see things for herself without your infulence whatsoever. This will undoubetedly be difficult for you but it is the best interest of all involved. Should she wind up divorced (which it sounds like just may happen) then you can be there for her, be her friend, confidant and maybe even lover. Trust me....she will not know her true feelings for you until she has rid herself of any bad relationships. The last thing you want is to find this woman seemingly falling for you simply because she's unhappy now and you just happen to be the "fall back" guy. She may be looking for an "out" and you are the easiest way for her to accomplish that. Let her get out on her own, be her own person, make her own decisions, start a new life for herself and then, and only then can you be absolutely sure that it is truly you she wants and needs in her life. All things happen for a reason, so allow them to happen all by themself. If it was meant to be....then you two will be together. If not, then at least no one got hurt very badly. I know what it feels like to be in love with someone who is off limits at the moment. Follow your heart and instincts, but also listen to your head. Good luck to you my friend.