Reconciling with ex-husband... How to deal with guilt of past relationship?
364878
sorry to hear that. but i really think you need to see someone professional to get over this. if you are getting back together you have to consider whether he will be able to understand you and forgive you. a professional will help you forgive yourself, however i think that there is nothing wrong with being with someone else when youre separated. feeling "dirty" - come on, the guy made you do things you didnt want to do, hes the dirty one!! make sure youre not getting together with your husband because youre feeling bad after the abusive relationship, you have to make sure that the true reason is your love for him and not pity for yourself. a professional will help yu figure things out! :)
914066
have ya tried sitting him down and telling him the truth ? about how you feel about him ,etc.. and discuss Honestly and openly what went wrong in the past with your relationship with him ...what you like to see different if you two are to have another relationship together ...
1147487
Try to make peace with enemies I may have made over the years. Being somewhat stubborn at times, this would be a good thing. Try to clear my conscience and ask forgiveness for  not so nice things done over the years, this could be done by 'clearing the air' with others. Get my personal business in order, so that others won't have to clean up the mess. Enjoy the remaining time with those who you love and respect .
920077
use a common friend to get to your ex-wife. i think it's very noble of you to try to work things out among yourselves. if your ex-wife still refuse to accept the fact that you're actually doing her a favor by resorting to peacefull means, then you have no choice but to do whatever would be necessary for the sake of your child. you need not feel guilty then if the court decides in your favor because you have tried your best to warn her.
334187
dear dont let the past overcome ur present n future again coz ur not worth it. what if he had lied to u about being ur first love there's nothing to fear as long he is here wiz u now and he did tell u that he was afraid to loose u . dont u think its a good sign as he did know ur value to tell how he feels about u and he did tell u if he wasnt trustee then i dont think he would have tell u this. give him a chance believe me it is trust the foundation a strong and wonderful relationship wiz urs ask urself what would u do in his place. though he did say sorry. u r what he wants. its not like he is cheating on u he wants u and he did realised his mistake by lying to u and hid stuff from u. talk to him and tell that ur past and mine will not control us and that u two want to buid something beautiful together. u cant forget ur first love . \nPS:i was in the same situation like u and today he is still my first love and we are married for ten years and we have beautiful twins together.PLEASE DONT LET THE PAST RUIN U.
161352
I'm not one to really talk since I've been divorced twice, but still, I think that unless he's abusing you or your kids, give him a chance to remind you of why you married him in the first place. "For better or worse" There is nothing worse than regret, and if you decide to end the relationship without serious counsuling or prayer (if you're religious) that you may wind up regreting leaving the man whose stood by you all those years. And 9 is a big number, so unless you've been lying to yourself and him for that long, you're marriage deserves a lengthy examination.
173046
obviously what ur marriage to ex husband & the kind of relationship that u had has negative impact on u. but not all the men r the same. u just hav to let go of the past & take chance into ur future. life is all about chances/choices  but we live wth the consequences from the choices we make. so take ur time wth this new guy. let ur relationship grow naturally wthout pressurising each other & u need time to heal.
459055
The best way to help your ex get on with his life is by getting on with your life. Show him that there's life after divorce, and happiness. Be courteous, but not over-friendly. Discuss what needs discussion, like the kids, or whatever, then have places to go, and things to do...don't spend time in useless dialogue. Also, as far as property goes, settle that as soon as possible. If you and he have no possible reconciliation, no need to spend a lot of time together. Move on!
448680
OK forget getting with someone else- the issue WILL resurface if you don't deal with it. First of all cut off all contact (for a while at least). It doesn't help to keep calling each other. If you have to see each other (like at school or work) then make a concerted effort to change the way you communicate with them. Second, yeah forgiveness- you have to go over all the bad stuff that happened but once you forgive them the burden is lifted and you're free-er. You will stop hurting a whole lot after you manage to let go and forgive, trust me. Next figure out what happened and make a decision that you will never be in that type of relationship again- if the person cheated you will feel like you have no control over that kind of situation and it could be true to an extent but it's important to realise that cheating is about them not knowing their worth or having self respect and know that as long as you do have self respect and know your worth you will never be hurt in quite the same way by a cheater (or anyone else). Get busy. Get a life that doesn't involve your ex or things you used to do together. Have fun, spend time with your friends again and find out what's important to you- minus your ex. Above all else- be totally healed before you consider getting with someone else and if you do meet someone and you're not ready then just let them know and if they like you enough they'll wait til your feeling better about the whole dating thing, if not forget them.
745438
Its tempting to go back to your ex for consolation.  Especially since he's known you so well.  But its not worth the hassles.  When i have such an urge, i like to sit back in my room and distinctly plan on how to solve my problem - in a constructive and POSITIVE manner.  Chart out practial steps to solve your problem and follow it step by step.  It is quite empowering.  Dont get frustrated between steps.  everything is a process.  If you do need someone to talk to, slowly take someone into confidence.  its hard to find one person that you like to tell everything to.  you could share some things iwth a friend and some things with another friend - whoever you think will understand.  But its important not to dwell in your problems cos it will just make it seem worse than it really is.  Remember that nothing is really as bad as it seems.  its really that simple.  understand that first.
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
841373
Yep... it wasn't such a good thing to do... & you will have to learn to forgive yourself long before anyone else will. I would suggest writing to your (I'm assuming) ex-wife & tell her all these things that you're saying here. Apologize for your actions, for hurting her, for straying. You can't do much else past an apology. Your ex is trying to figure out what SHE did wrong, to cause you to stray from your marriage in the first place. Perhaps you can help sort that out for her. Being an outsider here, you are taking responsibility for your actions, but she needs to know that you realize what you did was wrong.  \n   Remember always, hind-sight is 20/20. Don't do anything you think you might regret later, because regret is a horrible thing to have to live with.  Once you learn to forgive yourself, time will take care of the rest. Your guilt shouldn't keep you from living your life.. it should prevent you from making mistakes in the future, by causing you to stop & think before you act.
901745
sounds very similar to my problems of the past.  If he is that controlling then my guess is he can manipulate you some too.  so confronting him head on might not be the best way to go.  What you need is space.  time to think about what you want and where you want your life to go.  I know its hard but i think you might just have to sneak away like i did.  distance has a way of putting your own thoughts into perspective.  if you can go to your family or any close friend and DO NOT SEE OR TALK TO HIM.   I know this sounds like oh its easy for her to say that, but trust me, I had to do the same thing and with 2 kids along for the ride.  my family was 500 miles away but i left my ex and came home.  alot has happened between then and now, but i am so glad i left when i did.  i am now 34 yrs old and he almost took the best years of my life.  dont ever let anyone do that to you.  you are a remarkable creature, unique and no one should be made to feel abused even emotionally.  I put up with it for 12 years.  everyone of us has inner strength and you will find yours and find the right path for your life.  good luck.
246175
The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Maybe you need to examine your marriage and figure out why you would even consider ruining your marriage for something that happened in your past? \n\nOr if you feel that this person is really your "soul mate" then life's short live it happy, and if this is what is going to make you life happier and more fullifield then do what your head not your heart thinks is right.
655907
Sounds to me like Mark is dragging is feet, afterall, you has his cake and is eating it too.  You divorced for one reason or another.  What makes you think that it will work this time.  The past will hinder any happiness that you two may have together.  You should think real hard on this issue and decide if you can go thru with it or not.  If you can't, leave before it's too late.
583657
Often when a relationship is over the rose colored glasses come on and we only remember the best times. If this relationship is truly over with no chance for reconciliation do this; Think of all the things that annoyed you about the person, or the pet peeves you couldn't stand. Trust me, no one is perfect so dig down deep and write all those uglies down and keep them close by. When the ex creeps into your mind read those things about them and remember. You may always have a special place in your heart for them, but it doesn't mean you can not or should not MOVE on! Trust me, my son's father I thought I would not be able to BREATHE without him but I wrote down all the ugly things and never forgot them. We are now platonic friends, he is married and so am I and we will always be connected because of our son but I like the way it has all played out and honestly, If i could get back with him I Wouldn't. Good Luck. "Time Heals all wounds."
512958
The problem is that you're living with a fantasy, which is always going to be better than reality because you aren't dealing with the facts of the relationship.  Take a notebook and right down all the good things about this former beau at one end of it and turn it over and upside down and write all the bad things about the person.  When you can realistically look at the good and bad you can free yourself from your long standing issues and move on.