My mom and dad are getting married and my brother hates my dad...what do I do?
361483
Your brother is down right disrespectful, yes your parents should get married if thats what they want. Since when did the 15 yr. old become the parent?
208898
I would only say something if you really feel the need to stand up for your brother, I would do it with them both standing right there so that way there is no he said she said crap going on between them talking about you. I would only do that under extreme cercumstances though. It matters how close you are over all to your brother, I mean if you can talk to him about anything i would definitally say something to him in private, something like dude is it just me or do you seem unhappy here lately, not really blameing her but if it is because of her he will come out and say so, if he asks you what you think i would go ahead and tell him but in the long and short of it if she makes him eat dog food on the floor every night for dinner and he still loves her, support him in his pick for a future wife. You might not like how she treats him over all but it looks like he does, maybe you havent gotten to know her well enough yet, Or maybe he hasnt, who knows. But i would definitally deal with this in a tender way, maybe your mom or dad can say something to him, or you can go to them and voice your concerns, they could probably get away with saying something to him easier then you could. I dont know ive never really been in that situation but i can see it going bad easily if its not delt with care :) I hope that helps
882947
I would let your brother deal with her since you don't want her to come between you two.  That could potentially happen if you confront her directly and your brother picks her side.  Talk to him about what he is going to do about his wretched wife.  In answer to your other question people do sometimes change for the worse but usually they were bad to begin with and just hid it until they were comfortably ensconced.
845057
From what you described, this is not a good marriage at all. It is clear that you two are unhappy. It appears that little to no communication is going on and communication is the key to all relationships. If you two want to save the marriage, this is what I recommend that you all do;\n\nFirst talk, talk, talk. Get the kids out the house for a while and you guys need to talk to each other and find out what has gone wrong in the relationship. Tell him  things that makes you unhappy in the marriage and ask him to tell you the same. Do not argue. You two need to have an honest, adult conversation\n\nDo not hear each other, but listen and understand each other. It is important that the words that you all are saying do not go in one ear and out of the other. Listen and understand. If you don't understand, ask questions.\n\nOnce you all have gotten your feelings out in the open communicated, & listened to each other, then talk about ways that you all can make things better. Date night, movie night (at home with children) take a trip together every now and then are some ways you all can rekindle the romance. \n\nNext, talk about his time with the children. Sometimes, people may not know that they are doing something wrong because they are not being told. So tell him how you feel about him not spending time with the boys and girl. Let him know that he plays an important role in their lives and he does not want the children growing up saying "I was never close to my dad/ stepdad".\n\nAs for the sex, well..you can tell him what you like done to you and what makes you feel good doing sex. Ask him, what turns him on. Again that goes back to one important word, Communication. \n\nNOW\nIf you do not wish to save the marriage, just be honest with him and let him know. If two people do not wish to stay in a marriage and do not love one another, then there's no need in living in a dysfunctional household. I see no need in allowing the children to witness the unhappiness and distance relationship that there parent's have. It may hurt the children, but you all would have to explain to them that you all love them and this is the best decision at this time. Counseling for the children (especially the daughter) may be necessary if you all decide to divorce. I wish you well. 17 years is a long time to throw in the towel without really trying to work it out. Good Luck.
1027557
there's no choice, and shame on your mother for wanting you to choose.  it's your right to love both dads, this should never be a situation of pick the best dad!!
785749
ok, so mum is being manipulative as all get out!  \nthis is your day, your wedding, your life.  get on with it!  i speak from experience.  my mother pulled the same crap - do it my way or else!  well i gave in to her a lot and almost lost my fiance, [now husband], over it all.  thank god i woke up and stood up to her.   \nas calmly as you can reassure her she will always have a place in your life, and you want her to be part of your life, but it is your life.  \ntell her you want her at the wedding but will respect her decision if she chooses not to come. \nand tell your sister the same thing.  don't let them turn it into a discussion - you are telling them how its going to be and then stick with it.  \ngood luck kiddo, stay strong and marry your man the way you want to do it.  its your day, your life, your happiness - your family needs to realize that.
860975
Ooo, the fun of managing etiquette at "split family wedding" time. Points to you and your parents for keeping things civil, even friendly, up until now! Many people don't manage it.\n\nSo what can your mom give that won't upset that great situation?\n\nNothing sentimental, unless it involves both of them - for example, a beautiful frame for a photo of the new bride and groom, to be displayed prominently, with a note that says, "May you build many happy memories together." Ditto for a really nice photo album - especially if you already have photos of them together that you can put on the cover, or inside.\n\nUm, lamp, passing torch... you know them all better than I do, but see, it isn't up to your Mom to pass the torch to her successor... unless all three of them already have some sort of in joke to that effect, one you know they ALL find amusing, I'd pass on that.\n\nNext choice -- see what they've registered for and pick something from the list. Hard to get in trouble, unless they're registered at a lingerie shop. Hard to misinterpret a set of matching serving spoons or a vase, especially if they've chosen it for the registry.\n\nNext -- a set of goblets or glasses, etched with his first initial, and hers. Also something your mom and you could do at home (craft stores have kits - practice on glasses from a thrift store until you're ready to do the gift glasses - it's easy to do).\n\nGood luck!
505937
I'm personally all for eloping, but in your case, it seems it might cause more problems than solutions.\n\nYou and your fiance need to have a clear plan established for how you are going to handle his controlling mother.  If he feels 'loyalties' to her now, he will when you are married.  And in-laws can be a great source of tension in new marriages.\n\nHow much would it really bother your parents if you eloped?  Mine know I plan to do that, and it still hurts them a bit that they won't be there.  Make sure you won't be hurting them outwardly.\n\nHow about a compromise, go to the courthouse with your immediate family members and get married.  Then in Sept you can hold a celebration party.\n\nGood luck.
984853
Your not a horrible person, I know this because my mom and step dad fight about the same thing. There is still hope for your relationship and not to worry about a thing for a bit. Things will brighten up soon.
1090425
You and your husband will have to make a real effort on this one, and be the bigger people so to speak.  I don't think it's normal for a mother to act like that towards her son and his fiancee, now his wife.  Something is definitely wrong with her mentally.  Just remember that you can choose your friends, but not your family.  I think you and your hubby will have to speak with his mother about the wedding thing, just to get past it and clear the air.  She needs to know how it made you feel to be let down on your Big Day.  You can choose to forgive her or forget it, but you have to be able to move past what's happened in the past.  I don't really have any big words of wisdom other than to take the high road and don't play into her games.  Sometimes you gotta call a Spade a Spade!  No matter how bad she treats you, turn your cheek and be extremely nice back to her.... it gets them every time!
209990
I really believe you need to talk to your Dad and Mom together.If not them then your mom and step mom. Or a counselor.Tell them how you feel. Also I don't think he really knows he's doing that to you. You are his child also. I'll say a prayer for you, and good luck!!!
64135
The both of you should tell your parents about your plans and ask for their support.  Explain why you are getting married and why you believe you are ready for this step.  Hopefully they will understand and help you with your wedding.  Good luck.
951710
i went through a very similar experience, though my parents were just divorced, but my dad was with my stepmother before my parents separated. she's this woman who completley changed him, in every way. he knows this because he cant be himself around her totally. im not sure how to give you advice because it sounds like your dads wife is just as crazy. i basically gave up the fight after awhile and havent really seen my dad. maybe some family therapy? im not sure, i just know its hard to deal with and i understand what you're going through. i hope that things get better! sorry this wasnt so much advice, as a comment but thats all i got.
314962
I am sorry about your mom. My mom died in February too, after a very, very long illness. Dad is lost, confused, depressed, lonely, angry. Your dad may need to talk to someone. My dad feels like he can't find his place, like he does not belong anywhere. He does not plan on 'replacing' mom, now or ever even tho both my brother and I have told him it would be ok if he found someone to share his life with, even if he does not ever get married out of respect for my mom (I think I could handle him getting married again if that made him happy).\n\nI took him to the doctor last month and he wanted to be put on anti-depressants but the doctor told him that he had to deal with it, cold turkey, for at least 6 months, that it was a normal mourning process that he needed to go thru.(after 6 months he would consider giving him 'happy pills' and recommending a shrink)\n\nHe also told him that the worse loss a person can feel is when you lose a spouse, a child and a parent -- in that order. I hope your dad starts feeling better soon and that, if this new lady in his life is not right for him, he realizes it soon.\n\nPlease be patient with his anger fits, he may not know how to handle what he is feeling. Let him know that you love him and are there for him. Its all you can really do at this point. I feel your pain more than you know. Good luck!
1184236
this is YOUR wedding not theirs. tell them how you feel, calmly with out being forceful about it. let them know your feelings are being hurt because they are controling what is supose to be YOUR day.
761072
It's your day.  Invite your mom and step-dad, but not whoever they might be with.  Stress that the invitation is for them alone.  Also, tell them tht if they start arguing or fighting, that they will have to leave.  It's not worth it to have them there if it makes you unhappy.  If that makes  them mad, too bad.  They don't have to come.  Remember, it's what makes you happy that matters.  If they make it worse, just don't let them come.  If they love you, they should accept the temporary peace you're suggestong.  After all, it's just for a day, isn't  it?
324225
Maybe you should both go to a coulselor and put the wedding on hold. That's what I would do. No need to rush into a wedding if you cannot get along.