It's been over a year since my Dad passed on... is it normal for me to still be having a hard time with it?
368923
how do you start dealing with grief,,,not that we are taught that now are we.\n\nI lost my dad 4 years ago xmas eve ( so when people are getting all happy ready for xmas i'm not) and he died also suddenley,.\n \nI see rest of family getting on with it so I think why cant I, but are they???, they prob feeling the same.  think of him at times and then I get upset.\n\nI think also because it was sudden doesnt mean it hurts more than if u know someone is going to die before hand, like my friends mother who had cancer.\nThey prepared themselves for her not being round much longer.... but\n Shock of loosing a loved one is that SHOCK.\n\ntalking does help, listen to me hey lol i can only talk to strangers about this.\n\n its hard cause they ie parents have been there all our life we have known them forever and now they not there.\n\n\n\nSo as far as i know it is normal still to greive, cause you dont think about them doesnt mean you have forgotton them\n\n\nI hope this makes sense sometimes you cant get your words out.\ngood luck sweetie xx
866656
Shoes, you know you are asking for something really impossible - to stay the way you were, always, through out your life, without any change. We all grow, I mean mentally, and along the way we lose a lot of people all at once, or at different stages of our life. It is so sad to remember how we were when all these people were actually present in our lives, and it is so difficult to imagine how it would be without them. I cannot. But then I have to come in terms with it, because death specially is the ultimate truth. You father, ofcourse meant a lot to you, and this is the phase where you are dealing with his loss. It is natural. For you to be funny and friendly will be a very abnormal thing to do. Take it as it comes. Cry if you want to, let things out of you, and start thinking '''now what ?''. You have to start again, this time your dad is not there, but I am sure your dad would not want you grieving all your life. Dont you think ? He would be really really upset to see you this way. Your girl left you ? What are the reasons ? Could it be that you are really going through a difficult phase in life, and perhaps she could not stand with you through this ? Whatever, she may have had her reasons, and then you cannot force anyone, can you ? You can still be funny and freindly, may be not the same as you were before, but by allowing time to heal you, getting yourself to keep going, do things that you are supposed to be doing, like work / study, be with people, do something new, go to a new place for a change, ...Chart out things in your life, in terms of career, your long term goals....keep your mind thinking ''what next'', instead of wallowing yourself in self pity....its absolutely normal for that dark cloud to exist in your mind, but you have to bring in the sunshine yourself, make efforts to, and this phase will pass too. This dark cloud will not stay forever in your mind, can you picture yourself like this when your 40 - 50 ?? I dont think so....so while time does the trick, start new today. Get up, and get going. You will meet someone who is really special, so dont waste time thinking of someone who left you at the lowest low of your life...\n\ngood luck\n\nP.S. Feeling greif is normal, and do not confuse it with the actual ''depression'' where you have to resort to medicines, and I am sure you would consult a professional, who will really decide if you do have depression
1144154
It is very hard, I lost my dad in 1977 and my mom in 1991. It hurts for a long time, you have this gap in your life that can never be replaced. In situations or gatherings of friends, it is rough at the beginning, especially when friends still have their parents. If you become uncomfortable with your friends, take a breathier and find something that will keep your mind off of losing a parent. Your love for your parents will always be in your heart. Remember those special memories you have of your parents, and hold onto those memories forever. That is what keeps you going. You will still think of them for years to come, on their birthdays, holidays, and family gatherings. Little things bring reminders of what your parents had done in that situation, and you find yourself doing what they had done. Take care and I hope I helped you a little.
291908
i know EXACTLY what your talking about. for every year i was in middle school and jr high (like 4 years) i lived in a different town and once 2 towns in like 1 school year. my dad got married and kept seperating and getting back together with my step mom and every time he did we moved. it was so hard, but the one thing i gained from it was i learned that now i cand handle any change like that that comes my way because i have already gotten through it. i just moved again to go to college this year, and it was easier because i have learned how to put myself out there and meet new people. plus i have all these experiences with different people and places that other people my age dont have. if it makes you feel any better i shed my share of tears too, and im not a cryer. it is normal to feel that way. good luck. email me if you need anything.
546619
I last cried on my birthday, 4 days ago, cause I missed my Dad, he died four years ago and I miss him:( It sucks he's not around for special occasions!!
1130879
I am so sorry to hear about the death of your father. When my aunt died last year, I thought I kept seeing her or hearing her voice and she didn't even pass away at my house. But that is their spirit, letting you know they are there. Ask God to help his soul and finally take him home. I know it may sound weird, but when you pray, also take time to speak to your father. He will hear you, trust me. If you need anyone to talk to, I am here.
1163473
I know I'm going to sound like a parent, but you need to just move on.. make new memories.... do things for you... it will get better with time even though right now it doesn't feel that way... I've been there.. and it sucks.. but you will get through it.. and you will be stronger because of it.\n\ndont dwell on what was.. focus on what can be.
322900
Well, life has it's tough roads. But the man upstairs will always guide you. You may feel lost and all alone, BUT YOU ARE NOT! As for the girl, GOOD RIDDENS! Remember, IT IS HER LOSS!!! NOT YOURS! Contact your lung associtionabout support groups in your area. As for the funeral, there was a reason you were kept from attending Only god knows the reason. If it really bothers you, write a nice letter to your dad telling him how you feel about missing the funeral. Then fold it up, Place it in an envelope and put away for safe keeping. Everytime you feel bad about dad, Pull out the letter and read it! DON'T GIVE UP!! keep going with school... Everything else will fall into place.
656174
It depends on many things, I hope the info below will help to some degree, I lost my dad when I was 15 and wish I had this info.
732853
I have not lost a parent. I have lost a brother. We were approx. 12 months apart in age. He died drinking and driving when I was 20 and he was 19. I was devastated, but never cried about it. He and I had talked about death but not our own. There isn't a day goes by I don't think about him. I am sad, on the inside, but not depressed. I can talk about him with great pride and conviction without crying a drop. And about the loss..... is there anyway to describe the feeling of emptiness and loss? No, but we can not dwell on what we can not change. I do know that my life would be completely different if he were here. I moved 1000 miles from home, just to get away from the sadness, it didn't help. But it did change the whole direction of my life. I will not say that it is a mental illness to have feeling like this, but it is very difficult to express the way you truly feel. I try not to talk about it but feel better when I do. His birthday was last week 10/25. Mine is today.
649688
Please seek some professional help or help from your church.  My good friend did the same thing when her dad died suddenly.  It's been 10 years and I swear she is stuck in a grieving time warp.  She still cries about it today like she did 10 years ago.  She never sought any kind of help or even medication.  You really need someone who can guide you through the grieving process.
1077347
My Dad....it's ok for you to ask...I still can't believe he passed away. I went back to Germany with my family, but when we got there I wasn't able to see him anymore, because prior to my arrival at the morgue, the funeral or morgue  personnel already closed his coffin. I wanted to remember him alive anyway, so I'm actually glad I didn't see him dead. I still feel like he's still in Germany, I just don't see him like before, because of the distance. My dad also lost two kids prior to his passing- a baby (through sids) and 16 years later my younger brother (suicide)...so he experienced what you went through: the loss of a child. He was very heart broken about my brother's passing and never fully recovered. \n        My condolences for your losses. God bless.
345861
The worst thing that happened to me is when my husband passed away on our daughter's birthday. I have to say that is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with and I will never understand why it happened in the first place. \n\nJust remember that whenever you are going through a hard time, there have been other people that have been through it as well and it's probably best to talk to someone about it.
354089
You do have a void in your life. You miss the parents you wish you had. My father passed away more than twenty years go when i was a little girl and i still am having a hard time with it. I don't remember conversations and never got to know him. I miss what i could of had. There is no real getting over it. It's more of accepting the way things are. I know i can't bring him back and it sucks. One thing i read recently i wish i could remember where. The article was about making a patch work quilt in your mind with the people in your life that have the qualities that you would want in a mother or father. Say you have a friend who is really good at listening, that can be a piece of what a mom is to you. Someone else in your life who encourages you is another part of what a mom is to you and slowly you piece together a mother. Instead of getting all of a mom in one person many people end up fill the void that is empty. It will never be the same as the real thing but that is where acceptance is a huge part of learning to cope. You will always miss them and wonder what life would be like with them. I wish i had a better answer for you. Sincerely,if during my journey in finding acceptance with my fathers death i learn something better i will let you know.
644056
Just remember that your grief is for your father and to keep your anger towards your sisters for another place and time.  I lost my father last year, he too had heart surgery and never came out of it.  One of my friends suggested that I write him a letter to help me with my grief.  I was angry at the medical world for letting this happen, I just couldn't get past my anger for a long time.  Tell your Dad in your letter how much you loved him and how you're feeling.  Take your grief, your anger and channel it into something positive for your Dad's sake.  I also planted my Dad's favorite tree in my back yard to remind me of him.  So sorry for your loss.
44099
It's still very soon...don't put too much pressure on yourself.\nWhen my mom dies, I expect to pretty much die as well...you're still alive, so you're not doing so badly. \nMy friend lost his mom a year ago, and it's still hitting him very hard...you can wait it out, talk to a therapist, maybe try an anti-depressant if you think it's too much to handle.
353303
I'm 23 and my mum passed away on April 15th from Cancer, we had no idea how serious her condition was until a couple of days before, and she was only diagnosed in January. Plus to top it all off, I'm getting married next weekend (2 days after what would have been her 51st birthday) and I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that she won't be there. \n\nIt's been so hard and I've had so many mixed feelings of guilt, regret, sadness and loneliness, but I think the key is talking to people and don't bottle it up or it will make you ill. \n\nI've had a lengthy conversation with my dad which has helped me loads and the silly thing is we're closer now than we ever have been. \n\nWhat you need to remember is time heals all wounds, and although I will find my wedding incredibly difficult, I know she would have wanted it to be the happiest day of my life and I'm sure she'll be there in spirit. \n\nI hope this has helped, especially to let you know there are others feeling the same feelings you are - just remember you're not alone and your father will always be watching over you.