I have been married to a suspected adhd,bipolar, and obsessive compulsive.  Am I wrong for wanting to help?
374518
I think that if you REALLY love somebody, you will always love them, even if they do horrible things to you. The thing is, you have to love YOURSELF and your daughter enough to say enough is enough. I am sure that there are good things about the man in question, and those are the things you love. He's a good guy, when he isn't freaking out, right? I can't really speak for anybody but myself, but that was how it was for me. I loved how he would call me from work to say he was glad I was working so hard, or bring home dinner if he knew it was a hard day for me. But then, if he came home some morning and I was cooking eggs, he might freak out and say he didn't want any (*^(&%ing eggs and throw the pan against the wall. I didn't love that. Again, I can only speak for me, but if you're like me, you probably love some things about him, maybe even love them enough to keep hope alive that the "good" man will take control of the "bad" man and maybe he'll be all "good" someday. I hope that helps.
366041
Wow that is heavy.  I would have expected to be told all known health related issues before marriage.  Not to mention the effect it would have on our children.\n\nHowever, if you truly love him, it will not matter.  You will love that person no matter what.  What was his reason?  Did he think you would not love him?  Or did he think you would never find out?  \n\nI hope that you can work it out.  Tourettes is not the end of the world (my son has this plus ADHD and OCD).  It's not that bad.  However, the older studies show that it may be hereditary.  I tend to disagree with this, as no one else in our family has this.  Some new studies differ as well.  Read/click on "Breakthrough Yields Clue To Tourettes" at the link below.
367825
I've been married for 3 years now, and let me tell you it has been hard at times.  My husband is very very compulsive about cleaning.  I however am the opposite.  He will come home from work and nag and complain NON STOP about everything about the house. When I do the dishes, he'll come in and yell at me because I'm not drying the right way, or I'm not stacking the right way.  We really had our breaking point when at 530am he was getting ready for work, and he took down the curtains because he wanted me to get a start on cleaning and making him breakfast.  Now I work full time too, and my alarm was set for 7am.  We had the biggest fight. I finally told him I couldn't take it anymore, he was bringing me down so much that I was starting to hate my self.  Just saying that too him killed him.  He had no idea that I was so unhappy.  After getting so much out he now makes an effort to make me feel better, he makes me breakfast in bed every Saturday.  And when he gets ready to complain or nag he holds back and simply offers the advice "take it or leave it"
541674
I was married for 10 years to a man 24 years older than I was, but it really worked. I'm an old soul, and he had a very active inner child. We probably would still be together were it not for a logistical problem: He was claustrophobic, and I have the hoarding form of OCD. We had the EXACT same sense of humor, we were both great listeners and sharers, enjoyed doing almost all the same things together, had the same friends (both his age and my age). But the OCD problem caused him to stay away from home more and more after we'd been married several years, and to drink more and more. In the end, he was unhappy, I was unhappy, I gained a lot of weight, he was put off sexually. I guess we both were by then. But I love him still. The morning of our divorce, we went out to breakfast after!\nThe short answer is, it can be a wonderful match, very companionable, if there are no addictions or neuroses to drive you apart.  If you are attracted to each other and intellectually compatible, temperamentally compatible, go for it.  (Men his age would always look at us and wink or high-five him.)
279114
The fact that you see your fault in your current marital problems indicates that you are NOT crazy.\nI do think, however, that you should maybe see someone about your jealousy issues PRONTO.\nIn what I've seen here, it doesn't sound like you don't trust her, just that you're making your own self crazy, and making her a little crazy too.\nYou need to fix what you can, and fix it fast.  \nWhat you CAN fix:  You, anything that has to do with YOU, what it is that YOU do, what YOU think, what YOU feel, etc.\nWhat you can NOT fix:  What someone else does, what someone else thinks, what someone else wants, what someone else feels, etc. (someone else = your wife)\nIf you're smart, you will get off it & keep your mouth shut, before you do have a hand in driving her into someone else's arms, be it this guy or anyone else.  FYI, you stated yourself that their relationship is more professional, and again I say...you've not indicated in the slightest that you do not trust your wife.\nGet your head on right, and stop pressing the issue before it's too late.\nAnd to answer your initial question:  They're only friends.
1092040
Maybe instead of trying to blame it on a disorder...talk to him and try and figure out what is going on.  It is amazing the effects of talking and openess and dealing with problems can have on a person.\nOh...and if anyone says it is bipolar and/or manic depression...it is not because the highs and lows are not that quick...one extreme can be going for months at a time before it changes to the other.\nGood luck....TALK :)
456531
Unfortunately, I don't think you can stop him.  My wife has bi-polar mood disorder and when she is at her worst she will lie beyond belief.  When confronted she sticks to the story and demands proof.  Even when confronted with the facts and proof she either sticks to her story or tries to twist the facts to fit her situation.\n\nAs I said, I know she has a mental condition and I understand sometimes that affects it.  However, I have found out that very fortuantely we can't do much about liers.  Instead, either learn to live with it, work around it, or move on.
820968
Well, first of all I commend you for understanding your wife's problem,  I've worked with people with Borderline Personality Disorder and it does keep you on your toes.  One of the significant symptoms that I know of with this condition is the ability to create chaos out of order.  It can be very stressful for those around the person who has it.\n\nMy advice is for you to get into counseling first so you have a safe place to vent your feelings and learn how to best deal with the drama your wife creates.  You cannot force your wife into treatment but maybe with gentle coaxing and acceptance, she may decide she wants help too.  Good luck!
126825
Clearly think this through before you give up on your marriage. If it can be fixed and he hasn't been abusive toward you than maybe you can work on what is wrong.\n\nK
549335
Well in my opinion I believe your husband feels you are going to Dr. Phil for help instead of him, but if he is like most men, they do not help anyway.  Have you talked to counselors before about your feelings?  I think you need to find a good friend or a counselor to get this out and have someone to talk to about it.  I don't think it is healthy to go back to older harder times always, but sometimes it is good, it is just what we need Women need to cry sometimes, now when I say sometimes I am not referring to everyday ;) I hope one day you can let the past go some. Hope you find someone that you can talk to also. Goodluck
1113082
if he wants help, he should be on meds...otherwise he'll push everyone way...but only he can help himself...I'm bi-polar and can relate...
1130379
I wish I knew the answers.  I don't.\n\nI married two compulsive liars.  One had a mental illness, the other is just a liar.  (Both are ex's)\n\nI don't know if there is help for compulsive liars or not.,  I am thinking that if they finally get to the place that they want to change, then they can, but other than that, no.\n\nI htink it has a lot to do with feeling insecure.
967088
Hey, you have my name!  J/K, glad to see another believer has my name at least.  My thoughts and prayers for you are that you truly seek God's face during this time.  Getting married will not solve your fiance's situation.  In fact, it might compound it with the newness of marriage and everything sexual involved with it.  I commend him for his want to overcome his situation, and I truly believe he needs to seek Godly counseling through the pastor or another strong believer with experience in these areas.  You, also, should attend counseling.  Don't let co-dependency conform you to "accepting" his addiction because your love is all powerful.  It can happen and that I believe is not God's will.  We should love God first, and our spouse second.  In this be on your face seeking God's will for your life.  Another thing for your fiance to keep in mind is that he doesn't have to prove anything to God, God knows every hair on our heads, I would think he knows what is in the depths of each of our hearts too.  He really has to live a different life daily and dissociate himself from everything to date that has caused his situation.  Counseling, support and accountability are what he needs big time.  Prayers and love =)
422707
I am also a "passive" person, but not quite to the extent your husband is.  Have you ever considered the fact that your husband grew up in chaos, and didn't have a male figure around for him to learn from?  Don't know his background, but his "symptoms" sound a lot like the way I grew up.  If it seems he "likes" chaos it could be because he doesn't know how to resolve chaos.  And as far as him "blaming you", have you ever considered that he is feeling pretty crappy cause you can handle things better than him? If you truly love him, be kind and patient and understanding.  Help him learn that you can "fix" chaos.  If you feel like he can walk away from the marriage without ever turning back, have you ever considered that that exact thing may have happened to him?  Try turning it around and not being so dominant yourself.  Turn to him and let him know you value his ideas, thoughts and decisions, and you NEED him in everyday life and decisions. If he makes a "wrong decision" but it isn't hurtful, life threatening, or irreversible, go with the flow and let him learn from mistakes, knowing you will stand behind him no matter what.
1168254
i am in the same situation...i have a daughter that has adhd with mood disorder and she is on the highest medication you can give someone...(adult doses) she is on so many meds for morning,noon and night...it sucks...but she is truely out of control if she isnt on them...and yes we are extremly disciplinary so its not a parental problem....if she wasnt on the meds she wouldnt be able to go to school...the teachers cant handle her if shes off of them...if we took her off we would have to put her in a special school and that would probably be worse on her...embarressing and everything that goes with that!   i hate the fact that we have her on so many meds it could kill a horse but i dont know what else to do.i sometimes let her go without it...when shes out of school like now,but sometimes its just to much...i am not very patient with her sometimes and i hate myself for that!  but anyways i have never heard of anything outside of meds that can help with this...but i do commend you for not letting them push meds down his throat...but depending on his age and the severity of it the school may force you to or put him in a special school...
277007
Go to a local marriage counselor.  Do it before the marriage is really in trouble.  Or there may be psychological problems that can not be fixed.  It is great you know he loves you.  Good luck
308912
My husband suffers from combat stress syndrome, which is really the same thing. You really need to get professional help for that. He refuses to take medication because he doesn't want it to go on his record, so he just deals with it by talking about it. We all deal with it really. He has really bad mood swings and doesn't sleep much at all at night. I would never leave my husband, but he's really hard to live with sometimes. I wish he would consider taking medicine. He's been to Iraq 3 times and has spent alot of time in the jungle in Columbia and Hoduras.