What do you do after being with your boyfriend for 5 years and he refuses to get engaged ?
360211
First you need to ask why he refuses to get engaged. Does he want all his ducks in a row, i.e. good job, money, house, before he wants to start a family, or is he just scared of commitment. You really need to ask him. He may want his life in order before he has a family. If he's scared you might need to consider is he worth waiting around for?Also where are you at at this point of life? Do you want a family?
308385
If you are intent on marrying him, or at least getting an answer from him, you need to simply take charge of the conversation, and sit him down, and find out why he isn't committed enough to you to marry you. If you've been together for 4 years, and you have a child together, he would seem to have an obligation to hang around and (I would think) to do the right thing by marrying you. If he avoids the topic altogether, he may just be perfectly happy with "getting the milk without buying the cow" so to speak, meaning that he has you, and he has the child, but no legal responsibility to either of you, so he has the freedom to leave when he chooses. This, of course, is not fair to you, and he needs to show some responsibility.\n\nI say sit him down at a time when you can get everything in the open, and simply don't let him walk away from the conversation any more.
945794
6 years is a pretty long enough time to know whether or not you want to marry someone. I have observed from numerous relationships that guys keep some women dangling; and then they will meet one particular female that they just know right away that she won't be allowed to get away. I think you two need to have a real heart to heart talk, but in person. Long distance relationships are extremely difficult, especially being faithful; emotionally and physically. Be honest, tell each other how you feel.  I wonder if you guys seriously voiced your goals in the begining of your relationship. I'm guessing that you didn't expect to be waiting this long. Don't be afraid of speaking candidly, this is obviously making you uncomfortable as well. Life is way too short. Maybe there is some fear on his part that he hasn't expressed to you, something he thinks he would like to achieve before he settles down. It's good to have plans, but sticking to the exact order of those plans can cause you to miss out on some really great life altering blessings.  Ask him if something happened to you and caused you to not be available to him , if he would regret not taking that step to marriage. Sometimes we don't realize what we have until we no longer have it. Listen to his verbal and non-verbal responses. If you still don't feel confident and satisfied with the decision made you may end up waiting even longer. Are you willing to put your life on hold for someone who may just not be mature enough for that type of commitment any time soon?
272991
If he is dead set on not getting married, then agree to disagree and move on...look for someone with the same future goals.
788395
The next time that he brings it up just tell him point blank you are not ready yet, and if he would just relax a little about it maybe you will feel more comfortable getting married in the future. Just be sure to let him know that you do not want to loose what the 2 of you have now.
1145044
Don't call him! and it is a good think that you changed your phone number.\nAfter 5 years together he just takes off with no explanation?! I know it's very difficult for you and it's going to take sometime for you to get over it, but he is a jerk! If I were you, i won't talk to him even if he comes by and drops on his knees!!
96771
1st - DO NOT MAKE THIS DECISION WHILE HEAD OVER HEAL IN LUV!\n\n2nd - What is marriage to you?  What have you defined marriage to be?\n\nWhat will happen 1 year after you're married.  Do you want to be the provider and have her stay home? Do you want both of you to work so you'll have a great home? Do you want kids right away?\nWhat do you want in 5 years into the marriage? \nWhat do you want in 10 years into the marriage?\nWhat do you want in 20 years into the marriage? \nSit with yourself and ask these tough questions.  Then re-ask these questions in a week.  If you feel confident that you're honest with yourself, then approach your girl. If you're not quite satisfied with your internal question, keep asking and answering yourself untill your confident.\n\n3rd - When you're confident in what you want ... Ask these same questions to your girl friend.  BEWARE ... She'll freak and probably start crying thinking you're asking her out!!! Make it clear that this is a discusion only, and you're trying to figure out the "Next Step".  Then ask her several times after the first questions <Just like you did with you>. \n\nIf you've evaluated the situation and feel that for the two of you to form a union, you can then you can pre-pair that special occation with the ring, and the right setting to ask for her hand in marriage.\n\nBest wishes.
1089819
I understand your question and I know the answer to it. You WANT to marry this man, not live with him. You should tell him, we either get married, or I have to move on. Then do what you need to do(and we both know he won't marry you) so you need to move on. Pretty simple really. He is NEVER going to marry you, if he has not in ten years. Good Luck!!
320054
8 years is truly a long time and Id hate to see you give up on that kind of relationship.  BUT you should sit dowen with him IN PERSON and let him know exactly how u r feeling.  If you have to make a special trip to see him DO IT!  Let him know u love him and want the relationship to work but you cant keep doing it the way you are doing now.  That its tearing you apart.  If he loves you he will find a way you can be together.  Find a job close to you or bring you to him!!!!!  After 8 years he should know if he loves you or not and definetely you need to know if this is ever going to lead to a permanent relationship!  If he doesnt see a problem with it the way it is- I would tell him you want to start dating other people.  Good luck to u!  This is keeping you close but letting him have his freedom all at once and thats disrepectful to u as a woman and his girlfriend.  You deserve so much better than this treatment!  Talk to him before you make a choice!  Good luck!
391942
dump him.\nwhy do you have a boyfriend for 11 years!! hun that forever.\nno matter. at least you dont have to go through divorce papers or child support stuff.\nhe is not worth it, and why cant you see that with the info right in front of you?
1142593
6 years is pretty long and yet he does not want anything serious. Obviously you both want different things. Whats' the point then? Perhaps you grow too comfortable with him not necessary content. Time to move on and look for someone different.
1013971
First thing is you sit down and talk to him about what you think marriage is and ask him what he thinks it means to him. Then you ask him if he want to still be married and if he says yes insist on going for counseling. If he says he doesn't want to be married then you have your answer.....you leave.
386061
Hun you've only been with him for 6 months. It's a good thing that he doesn't want to rush things. It took me and my fiance a year and a half before we said the magic words "I LOVE YOU". Now we've been together for almost five years and are about to have two kids. Stick it out. It was worth it for me. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to, my email is flower_child69420@yahoo.com
321466
You need to follow your heart, first and foremost.  From what you are saying, it sounds to me like you and your boyfriend are already done, but you just dont have the guts to end it.  The sooner you do end it the better it will be.  Dont keep putting yourself and him through the pain, just tell him that it is not working for you anymore.  You deserve to be happy and it sounds like you will be with the 30 yr old so I say go for it!
140963
I been there and done that, I thought maybe the relationship would change and things would get better so i gave it a chance and i ended up having a child with him and still our relationship had no spark but i was stuck at least thats what i thought. I gave him 5 years of my life because i didn't want to hurt him but we have been broken up for 10 months almost and hes gotten over it fine even thou he told me he was going to kill himself and a million other things .... hes moved on and so have i....  you have to make urself happy before you can make someone else happy and if theres no spark and you can't see yourself being together forever then honestly i wouldn't wait around like i did ..... good luck and don't stress yourself out about it so much * hugs *
433076
It really depends on the nature of the question. 1) Do you really love him and feel that you two will be able to grow old together? 2)What are your future plans? (ie: School, travelling, Career advancement? Marriage is a big step, its a promise and lifetime (supposed to be) committment.  Once you marry you can't think of yourself anymore you are committed to another person and that pretty much hinders your ability to do things you normally would do single (party with friends, hang out etc etc).  I'm not saying all marraiges are going to stop this from happening.  Just think about it more wisely and ask yourself are you at the point where you can settle down.
187121
don't do it, he is scared he is losing you and that is the only reason he is ready of the commitment.  you need to find someone who really loves you and will marry you for the right reason, not just because they don't want to be alone.