How do you deal with a controlling spouse?
368486
I have that same problem he knows where I am and when I will be back he nextel's me constantly while I am trying to do my homework for college I can hardly do anything, my mother always said that if a man or woman acts like this it is because they are doing something they shouldn't be doing. I think about this all the time, because I constantly do everyghing in my life around his every whim and I am completly exhaused I have requested for us to go to counseling but he always says there's nothing wrong. It's a choice you have to make for yourself, is it really worth all of this drama to stay with someone you love?\nor do you walk away?
804266
well you best talk to your spouse and let the in laws hang because they are on the outside and the important one at this point is the one your with. but explain what happen and that you meant no harm.
131863
Explain to your husband that you love him but you need your own space away from his family.  Move out and leave room for him in case he follows you.  Give yourself a few weeks of peace and quiet.  \n\nIf you can't afford to move away from them, try to get some counseling for you and your husband.  A counselor will have a better chance of getting through to him and make him understand that you need your privacy and you two should get your own life....Good luck!
810507
It's very controlling behavior and not fair to you. You don't need to put up with it. The fact that you beg her to stop puts her in a position of power. It's important you stand up for yourself, and ask what is really bothering her, because it's not about a ham sandwich. She sounds very insecure. She wants you to fit in this little mold that she's made for you, and when you don't, she gets angry. If she simply doesn't like any little thing you do that's out of her control, you might need to rethink your relationship. I especially hate that she doesn't like you getting better grades than her. That's not healthy for you. Do you really want to be with someone that would rather have you fail so she feels better about herself? I see too many marriages like this. It's like they were allowed to get away with it as kids, and act like spoiled, selfish brats as adults because no one stands up to them. You've already played nice. Told her how it makes you feel, and she's not getting the message, or doesn't care enough to try. You need to tell her to knock it the hell off, or you're gone. And make good on it. Your future happiness relies on it.\n\nBy the by, there's a difference between love and codependance. You are *not* responsible for, nor have to feel guilty over her emotional well being. She apologizes only to make you come back. It's a vicious cycle. Best of luck. It's not easy.
556552
if you can't work with hubby to set some limits to give your marriage breathing room, then maybe it's time to get some counseling so you can understand why you're scared to death and learn some tools to help you cope with upcoming changes.\n\nBy remaining scared, you don't have to make any changes and can continue to complain. you're letting yourself get in the way by telling yourself you're scared. scared of what? ending up on the street? won't you get a job? if you get fired won't you look for another one? dig deep and find out why you're setting up your own obstacles. good luck.
367509
Tell your husband you don't like hanging around with them and why.  If the reason is good then he will probally respect your wishes and plan less things together as a group.
901745
sounds very similar to my problems of the past.  If he is that controlling then my guess is he can manipulate you some too.  so confronting him head on might not be the best way to go.  What you need is space.  time to think about what you want and where you want your life to go.  I know its hard but i think you might just have to sneak away like i did.  distance has a way of putting your own thoughts into perspective.  if you can go to your family or any close friend and DO NOT SEE OR TALK TO HIM.   I know this sounds like oh its easy for her to say that, but trust me, I had to do the same thing and with 2 kids along for the ride.  my family was 500 miles away but i left my ex and came home.  alot has happened between then and now, but i am so glad i left when i did.  i am now 34 yrs old and he almost took the best years of my life.  dont ever let anyone do that to you.  you are a remarkable creature, unique and no one should be made to feel abused even emotionally.  I put up with it for 12 years.  everyone of us has inner strength and you will find yours and find the right path for your life.  good luck.
176417
Go to their homes and/or invite them when he's not there.  You really need to discuss the issue with him if it's that important (yeah i know, easier said than done).  Maybe marriage counseling, if this marriage is worth it.  If not...
753005
Patricia, we have talked in part about this. I went threw the same thing with my ex husband a long time ago. He didn't want the divorce either and it took me a long time to get mine as well. He can be made to sign those papers. He is a controlling type of man and he is thinking as long as he don't sign those papers, he still has some control over you. If you can try not to even talk to him at all. As long as he thinks he has controll at all over you, he is not going to stop. Don't let him get you down. Just keep pushing the issue. Mine was nit picking me, he would want something so small, picture, bottle of oil, etc. I did get mine, but was wondering.
671124
My hubby and I were having mega problems and i was on the verge of leaving... when i finally told him i was leaving and taking our 7 month old daughter, he straightened up right away. We talk about what really bothers us and we fix it... we compromise...every marriage has problems and if people say they dont they are lying! Sit down and have a conversation...nto an arguement ... first decide who goes first... tell what you hate and move on.... then dont throw it up in each others faces after this...just keep it in the back of your mind. For example... my hubby hated when i would gripe about little things like him leaving a dish out.. and i hated when he wouldn't seperate his laundry into the right bin. So we both corrected the problem and we moved on...(this is not why i was leaving.. he had a drinking problem)
131825
If you're talking about him not letting you do anything, have any say or make any decisions about your relationship, that's not being stubborn; that's him wanting to control you and that is a whole new issue. Get out before it gets Jerry Springer Crazy. \n\nBut if you're talking about regular stubbornness, then here's some help. Tell him your feelings. I know you've probably heard this before, but it is so true; communication is the key to any good relationship. First of all, he should care about you enough to respect your feelings. Secondly, a relationship is a two way street. It should be give and take, not give and give and take and take. One person, (looks like you) is going to get tired of always giving and never receiving. If he insists on not changing, then we're into that controlling issue that I mentioned earlier. We don't want that at all. It's not going to turn out good for you in any way. Get out and find a guy that's going to treat your relationship like you do. Find a guy that's going to treat you with respect instead of treating you like you’re an object or a possession.
383881
You can't.  Period.  Sorry, but if you went into the relationship thinking you could, don't ever do that again.  Let him know that you won't tolerate being controlled, and if he can't live with that, than walk away as soon as you can.  He could turn violent.
588854
Honey he is TOO controlling. You can drink whatever whenever you want. You are in control of you, he has no say over you. He should be happy with your choice of friends, although he may not like it if they are men. I vote to tell him to back off and if he doesn't leave him. My husband never tells me what to do, who i can be freind  with, what to eat, drink, and he basically doesn't care what i do. I feel free even though i am married. It keeps me safe and happy. He doesn't have to keep me under his thumb to have me at his side and neither shold your man. If he feels he does then leave him.
274056
I've been married to a guy just like yours for awhile now. YOU can't control it, you just have to learn how to let it go. Learn detachment, you learn to roll your eyes, let it roll off your back and let it go. I go in another room, read a book, just get away from it. Learn to nod your head alot and smile. If you love him, you can make it happen, it just takes practice. Alanon is a wonderful source for helping you to detach with love. Go to a meeting, trust me, it will help!\n\nGood Luck!!
1157908
tell him he shouldn't try controlling you, because if he does, it'll push you farther away from him. there is no reason why anyone should be allowed to control another person.
877543
Relationships with in-laws can be so difficult.  I know it is none of my business, but why in the world are you living with them?!!!  It would be really nice if you and your husband could have a place of your own to live.  It would not fix all the problems, but it would certainly help out a lot.  You and your husband need to stand together whenever you confront your in-laws.  Maybe your husband needs to do the talking for both of you so they will know that you both agree with what you are confronting them about.  It will be difficult for your in-laws to accept that you and your husband are one now and that they should not interfere in your marriage.  And what is the deal with them not letting you two open your own bank account?  Aren't you adults?  Don't you have your own money?  Why is it any of their business?  Why is your husband letting them control the 2 of you?  Is he having issues "letting go of mommy's apron strings" or something?  \n\nI would suggest that you both see a family/marriage counselor and ask him to help you find a way to deal with your in-laws.  I have a similar problem with my in-laws which almost broke up our marriage, and our couselor suggested that my husband and I confront them together in a loving manner.  He said that if they still refuse to respect me and refuse to change the way they treat us, we need to stop being around them.  In my opinion, you and your husband need to make a decision to put your marriage first if you want it to survive, and do not let anything or anyone come between you.  Find a way to move out.  I'm assuming it is their house since your mother-in-law has removed your belongings from the rest of the house.  You and your husband need to put some distance between yourselves and his parents.  He needs to let them know that he has a family and responsibility of his own now that they cannot interfere with.\n\nAs for how to deal...  That is so difficult.  Continually forgive them for the things they do.  Don't hold on to grudges.  Don't let anger eat away at you or turn into hatred.  It will ruin your health, your marriage, and your whole life.  Continue to stand up for yourself and for your marriage.  And also remember that when you have a child, things are most likely going to get worse with your in-laws, so be prepared.  I wish you the best and hope that you can find your own place to live and maybe a family counselor as well.
81816
IF THE PERSON IN QUESTION IS CONTROLLING YOU IN SOME ASPECT'S, THEN YOU NEED TO LEAVE THAT PERSON BECAUSE THE PERSON'S GOING TO WIND UP HITTING YOUR OR POSSIBLY WORSE.\n\nIF YOU'RE STAYING JUST FOR THE KID'S, THEN GOTO  AN AGENCY THAT WILL HELP YOU AND THE OTHER PERSON WITH THE PROBLEM'S THAT YOU BOTH ARE HAVING DUE TO THIS NATURE!\n\nTRY TO GET THEM TO GOTO COUNSELLING, MAYBE, THAT'LL HELP FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO GET BETTER AND BLSSOM.