What do  I  do with a 75 year old mother who has many back aches but does not accept any kind of help.?
369397
That's a really tough question. I know in my grandmother's case she absolutely refused to have anyone do anything for her no matter how exhausted and/or hurt she was from doing things on her own. She was an extremely stubborn woman. We couldn't force her into accepting the help but she eventually got it whether she liked it or not. As it turned out it had devastated her to even the need the help. She was a very proud woman who had raised all eight of her children on her own. She couldn't ask and yet didn't have a problem refusing. She did come around though and realized it wasn't so bad afterall although not without many complaints as to how we weren't doing things correctly. I guess I'm saying if you're mother is hurting help her anyway but do it in such a way that it doesn't invade her privacy or stomp on her pride. It's hard getting older and needing things you didn't need before. Be patient with her. Good luck I hope it all works out. I have to admit I wasn't much help.
199923
Although you can't force her to do anything, I would strongly urge her to seek help.  This is not normal, and if she goes through with it she will hurt a lot more people than just her and her husband.
1139420
i am very sorry to here about your family member. i have worked as a cancer nurse for over two years now and unfortunately, it sounds as if she is near the end. sometimes thats the hardest part of cancer (worse than all the treatments combined) if morphine is not helping her i would ask the docs for some type of continuous medication to keep her pain free. they offer those medications for at home use as well (not sure if she's home or where she is) but most meds can be given continuously at home. try the very best you can to keep her comfortable, let her know you are there for her, and just be a family. there are nurses who come to your home to help during these times as well. i hope things go well
1063932
There are several factors here:  your weight and age; your general health.  Most middle aged people will have arthritis in some shape or form.  Having a buldging disc would be pressing on the nerves in your spine causing pain to your lower extremeties.  I would try to resolve that problem first.\n\nIf you have pain medications that you can take, take them WITH FOOD to prevent irritation of the stomach.  Also, give your antidepressants time to work.  Stop looking for an excuse to get off of the medications.  That's what they are for..to relieve you of your symptoms.  Besides if you wait to take your meds when you are in extreme pain, they won't help at all.  So, pain management on a timed schedule is recommended.  If you're able, take tylenol between doses for breakthrough pain.\n\nNext check out your mattress; do you need a new one?  Something firm will help your back, or put a board between the mattress and box spring.  Sleep with a pillow that will cradle your head and allow your body to be in a natural position.  I like a "buckwheat" pillow.  Your body should be in the same posture laying down as it is standing up.\n\nIf you are overweight, try to lose some weight.  For every pound you exert 40 lbs. of pressure on your back and legs/feet.  Try a back brace during the day.  \n\nAbove all, try relaxing and learn about visualizing and breathing techniques to help you do that.  What about your husband?  Keeping him up all night isn't helping the situation.  He's as sleep deprived as you are!  Maybe you need to be in separate rooms for a little while.  Try nice relaxing baths or running the shower on your back before you go to sleep.\n\nI'm afraid arthritis is one of those things we have to learn to live with.  I take aspirin (with food) and get better relief than anything else.  God Bless.
186689
Hello Sir,\nI can understand your problem because my mother suffered almost with the same kind of proble. she also consulted with many neuro surgeons and orthopedic surgeons but nothing happened. The only thing that helped her was physiotherapy. You better go to a qualified physiotherapist. I hope that will definitely work for you.\nI hope that the problem of your wife will soon be over.\nI will pray for her.
194824
Try a complementary therapy. Aromatherapy- you get a massage and some sweet smelling herbs/plants which aim to help you i.e lavander rubbed into your back or whole body.
521276
First of all- you are a great kid! Thank You for being so caring towards your mother. It sounds like she needs a meds evaluation. I say this often to people on here who say their meds aren't working because yes, there are meds that may work better but she may not be dosed right either. Weight fluctuations can cause problems, etc. Her meds may not be working effectively because symptoms of depression are still evident. I would suggest that you and your Dad encourage her to see a Doc ASAP. if she has trouble paying bills, etc- re-delegate this task to someone else (Dad)- make sure she has help with household chores, etc. Focus on reducing her stress- regardless of whether it means having a hot meal on the table when she gets home, doing laundry, or whatever else needs to be done. Maybe she's due for a vacation- she should take one if she can- even if you stay in town and do small activities like going to the movies, going out for dinner, etc.
203755
If she is feeling that sick hun, she'll have to go no matter what.  I would check the internet real fast and see if there are 'low income' places she could go that wouldn't charge her too much.  If all else fails, and she's really sick, take her to the Emergency Room and they HAVE to treat her until she's stable, and that's a law, so - they'll just have to bill her for it.  It will cost over 400 bucks just to walk in the door and ask for treatment.  :(  I hope it gets better for you and I am praying for your Mom hun.
1000622
I have an 85 yo mom who is no different.  At this stage, they require "prompting".... just as children do.\n\nI've been taking care of mine for five years, full time and it's a challenge.  I struggle for methods to "reward" and "prompt" cooperation.\n\nPatience is a virtue developed for those caring for parents at this point in life - Best of Luck.
437942
Medication will probably not be enough to allow her to be active again, but it won't hurt to try. The pain is most probably from arthritis so get your doctor to give her a prescription pain reliever/anti-inflammatory (any brand Ibuprofen can be used without prescription) After two years of a similar problem with my mom (she is now 83) we decided an operation to give her a titanium replacement was the only way to go. She had some pain and discomfort for a few months, but she is now back to walking and driving again. Good luck and God bless you for taking care of her.
656667
Not really knowing her exact condition-bedridden, wheel chair, IV's, injections required,and etc.-it is almost impossible to answer accurately.\n\nTalk to the Head of Nursing at the nursing home where she resides to see if she needs an RN, LPN, TNA, or just a care-giver to free you up a bit. Depending on the length of the stay, you may be able to find some of the staff that would travel with you on their days off. The majority of nursing home staff would jump at the opportunity to travel and be paid also. They also will be your connection to other trained personnel in the event none of them are available. \n\nI suggest the staff from the nursing home she resides at for a reason. In any case, and especially if she has any degree of dementia, change is unsettling at best and quite often terrifying to the aged. By having someone familiar to her along for the ride she would be more content.\n\nIn the event that she requires minimal care, your local hospitals should have a list of "sitters" which would fill the bill.
412909
First of all, be patient. It's not easy, but try to imagin what is like for her to be in that position. Mostly if she is just 42.\nNow, it would be great if you can help her to come up with something that she can work in from home. For example: create an online bussines. It doesn't have to be big, you know. Or, see if there are any opening for columnists at your local paper. Something she could do from home and that can bring her benefits and ease her mind.\nShe could also create a support group for people with health issues like her. Maybe even a blog. These are just ideas.\nAs for you, with her desease, try to be with her: pay attention to when her doctor appointments are, the medicines she should take and when. Listen to her, ask what the doctors said, what does she believes she could do. Try to entertain her: rent a movie, cook her a yummy meal, help her clean up around. It's not an easy situation, but good stuff can come up from there!\nGood luck!
627137
You need help and you are trying to help her but if you don't find that inner strength to stop feeling quilty she is going to drown and take you with her. I don't know what is all at stake here or enough about the situation but you are going to have to find some strength to go to more than just Yahoo and asking for help. You may have to be really tough and be mother again. You may even may end up taking grandkids and leaving her to do what she has too.
726260
I suggest you find a nearby Cancer Center that you trust and go meet with a social worker there. It is also important to know what kind of treatment your mom needs (i.e. Surgery, Chemo, radiation, or just hospice care). You should find out how sick she is because it might be better for her not to fly or travel.  If she has started treatment in England already, it is better to have a continuity of care there.
73940
Well, if she is over sixty five she should qualify for medicare and medicaid, what would help manage her disability. She needs to prove that she doesn't have resources of her own, and she can keep her house, a car, and a wedding ring. Depending in different states there are different programs to help with housing, and of course "Habitat for Humanity" If you give more information about her condition and the state she is in, more helpful answers can be given.
1154897
okay - obviously you've never been around anyone in chronic pain or with a debilitating condition & you have no sense of compassion. My mom has degenerative arthritis in both knees & her spine. She is down to bone on bone in all locations - constant grinding pain. She can't walk, she can't sit up straight anymore or even stand up completely straight. she went from being 5'7" to 5'1" in just a matter of years. She makes do with a regular old wheelchair instead of a powered one. To the outward appearance it looks as tho nothing is wrong with her - she just looks like a lazy old fat woman who won't walk. But YOU try living with your spine grinding away & see how long it takes YOU to get in a powered chair, okay?? And no, she can't have her knees replaced & as far as I know, no one has ever had a spine replacement. She can't exercise - she gains weight - she can't get around. It's a vicious cycle. Obviously none of you who've responded to this have any brains or sense of kindness to anyone else. You think it's funny. Get some compassion - walk a mile in the other persons' shoes before passing judgement. Grow up.\n\nOh yeah - all that & my mom is ONLY 63 now. So guess what, youth, beauty, health & strenght DO NOT last & you are not guaranteed to be young, strong, healthy & beautiful forever. No one was stronger than my mom or could do more in a single day. That was one hard working woman!! so NO, it doesn't last & can be taken from you in a matter of minutes.
895945
Take her out for dinner. \n\nVisit her,  give her flowers and a cake. Tell her to give you a call if ever she needs help around the house (things that an old woman can't handle, emergencies etc). It's good that she has your phone number and you hers in case you need to look out for her or help her. Older women are prey to intruders and robbers. Always keep a look out for her safety. \n\nIf she doesn't have relatives over on special occasions such as Christmas, Thanksgiving etc, try to include her in yours at least once a year or once every other year.\n\nYes, you are a very thoughtful young man. Your parents are a success having a son like you and you are a great success for who you are. Bless you.