I'm getting a divorce, didn't want to, is the pain ever going to end?
372710
I'm confused. Divorce was discussed on Saturday. Today is\nMonday. Were you in Divorce Court this morning, finalizing\nthe Decree? Are you a part of that group that says three\ntimes, "I Divorce You", and then you're divorced? You are\nnot divorced yet. Are you? Is this the way it is today?\nSay divorce once and it's over? Are you absolutely sure\nthat you're getting divorced? Could this just be a Fight,\nQuarrel, Spat, Disagreement, Bluff,Etc.?                  \n   Ask yourself, "What kind of man was he Friday, that he\nwould leave on Saturday, (he did leave, right?), after\nvowing eternal togetherness? There's something wrong with\nthis picture. Stop. Think. Can this be real? Don't invite\nreal pain in, if this isn't real. Can this man be the type\nof man that would do this to you? Could he do this to his\nchildren? If he is just that type of man, why would want to\nstay? If all of this is real, you will have to endure the\npain for awhile. How long and how painful, will be of your\nown design. If you have real, loving friends and family, it\nshould be easier. Seek the care of the good people you know.\nBut. Be sure that the sky is really falling, before you\nget yourself all lathered up. This could be a temporary\ncondition brought on by who knows what. It could be that\nyour man is a good man, and he's having troubled thoughts.\nGet professional help if possible. Or seek the wisdom of\nthe wise. God Bless You and your Family.\n  P.S. I kissed my Grandmother good-bye last week, and a\nclose friend Friday. It does get better.
398300
I have to say no.  My ex-husband and I tried that but it doesn't work because even if you don't say how you feel it doesn't mean you don't feel that way.  Then it seems like everything is bottled inside and eventually you blow up.  It's a nice idea but not very plausible.  Another thing in marriage is it's not always so hard to forgive it's the forgetting that's the problem.  So, my advice is find another way counseling, talking, or if that's not an option I hate to say but divorce is better than being your spouses "roommate", you can't just stop caring even if you think you can.
586199
Get over it, deal with the pain, and move on! I was married to a woman for 25 years, and one day when I came home from work, she had moved out and moved in with another man, just like that. It hurt  like crazy, but I dealt with the pain, and moved on. Never been happier in my entire life!!!
84757
Sounds like this hit you hard. Sounds like you didnt know it was coming. They have support groups for divorce people. Try going out and doing something for yourself thats make you feel good, and dont blame yourself.
416584
I made a mistake years ago. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and due to certain events which occured, I was arrested. (Nope, never claimed to be perfect.) My spouse had the opportunity to clear things up and get me out. Unfortunately, Spouse used the time to go to another state and have an affair with one of our best friends, who was also married, leaving our child here. My lawyer told me shortly before I was released. \n\nThe anger was the worst. In fact, I realized I wasn't hurt much at all. That told me what I needed to do. I filed for divorce. We had been on different pages for a long time anyway, and now there was no trust, no respect. God never said I had to put up with that. \n\nWithin those few days, I lost almost everything. I had no home to go to. We had a large house but I packed up the most important belongings and they fit into a coat closet at my brother's house. My baby and I stayed with him while I finished up my final semester of college, then took the first job that came up so I could be independent. We moved within three months. Quite by accident, we found a wonderful person who was very happy to join our little family, who wasn't put off by the past troubles, and who shares my faith. \n\nI realize that part of what happened was due to my choices. But I also know that God was using the situation to force me to make new and better choices. I did the right thing, and I have been rewarded with a wonderful new life.
275547
Yes, the night we separated.  My ex-wife stabbed me with a knife and was arrested.  I left and filed for divorce the next day.  Our marriage was horrible.
334194
You will probably face much bigger problems with yourself, the world and your wife if you stay than if you leave. If you have made up your mind on wanting a divorce, not getting one will make you feel asphyxiated.\nI know that there are potential financial and social risks to getting a divorce; and of course, depending on your situation, even family problems. But, a man has to walk their path and not another that is not meant for them. Try to pursue your happiness: every problem will seem less important if you feel you have made the right choice. If you stay, every problem that you may have to face, will seem more severe and painful. Good luck.
461970
Well, if you're willing to leave her and can manage on your own, or have someone who can help you, you can file for divorce. Only you know if the pain is worth the wife and what she offers. However, I think she's wrong to do this, and if she ever blames you, because of your condition or something, she married you like this. she knew what she was going to be going through.
354794
THAT IS REALLY A DIFFICULT QUESTION. THE PAIN CAN NEVER EVER BE ERASED COMPLETELY. BUT TIME WILL PROBABLY LESSEN THE PAIN BIT BY BIT. PROBABLY TO A TINY PRICK IN YOUR HEART NOW AND THEN. WITH TIME YOU WILL LEARN TO FORGET ,WELL ALMOST FORGET , AND PROBABLY RELIVE THE SWEET MEMORIES WHICH ARE ASSOCIATED WITH YOUR WIFE.TRY TO REMEMBER THE NICE THINGS AND TRAIN YOURSELF TO FACE REALITY. WHAT HAS HAPPENED CANNOT EVER BE REVERTED, BUT YOU HAVE TO CARRY ON, FOR THE SAKE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR OTHER BELOVED ONES.BE BRAVE MAN. THINGS WILL BE SOLVED BY TIME ITSELF. PRAY TO GOD TO EASE YOUR PAIN.BEST OF LUCK.
118650
No Way!!! If they did... although I would never want to go through a divorce, that is a great reason. If you are cool with it, then that is between you and yours. If not... It is time to do some serious reevaluating of your relationship!!!
240689
The sad and simple truth is that you can't. It takes two people to make marriage work, and one person working overtime to salvage something that may or may not be there is very heart wrenching and quite simply not fair to the person making all the sacrifices to make things work. Eventually feelings of resentment kick in and you end up fighting more than you did to start off with, because you're trying harder than the other person.\n\nThe best thing to do would be to accept failure (both your spouse's and yours,) and try to move on with your life from that point. Trying to hold on to the past when you're the only one working toward a brighter future only brings about more pain when the "end" eventually comes (i.e. divorce). Start preparing yourself for the worst, but know that you have done everything in YOUR power to save your marriage.\n\nLife will eventually work itself out, and you will be a happier person in the long run. Finding love again with another person can happen when you least expect it!! Good luck..
645176
Telling someone that you want to split, it is impossible to avoid at least one very long, involved conversation.\n\nI Guar-an-tee that if you tell him, "i'm not happy anymore" "I don't love you anymore" "I don't feel the same" "I want a divorce" "things have changed" etc, etc, etc; that he will ask "IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?"  \n\nThe only way to keep him from asking this question is to tell him flat-out "There's someone else."\n\nEven though others have brought up the very valid point that telling him that you are no longer happy in your marriage IS the truth, there's no way of getting out of this without lying unless you admit WHY you are no longer happy.\n\nThere is nothing wrong with what you are going through, it is a shame both for yourself and your husband.  My ADVICE is to come clean up front and tell him why you are leaving.  It might make it easier for him to let you go.  He will, of course, feel betrayed, used, unwanted, inferior and will not have a very high opinion of you.  It might get you the out that you need, to be bluntly honest.\n\nBear in mind two things: In some states, an aggrieved spouse can sue for adultery, "alientation of affections" (targeted at the adulterous spouse's lover) or "Inflicted Induced Emotional Stress" towards, I think, either or both of you.  You'll want to find out via websites or a lawyer if any of these are applicable to your state.\n\nFinally, consider your husband.  Is he the type that might go postal?  An odd and insensitive question, perhaps, but a good number of people have lost their lives to spouses they have hurt.  \n\nConsider all the factors at play and make your decision.  I hope that everything lines up so that you feel (relatively) comfortable in admitting the whole truth, because it can and will be a huge load off of your chest.\n\nI wish you, your husband, and your love all the best.
704185
It sounds like you're already doing the right things - you have moved out, you have initiated divorce proceedings.  Go through with the divorce, and then look to the future.
775213
Some you win, some you lose.\n\nYou have to try & put this behind you otherwise you'll end up going out of your mind. I realise it must hurt like hell but you can't change the situation.\nOther people will do things at times that if we allow them (situations) will totally screw up our heads. Right now you need to find a way not to let that happen.\n\nUnfortunately there's no easy answer to this, you will feel right now as if you've been totally & utterly betrayed & of course you have. Made all the worse because it's come from someone that you loved & trusted (your wife & Mother of your Children)\n\nI don't think the fact that she was already your ex when you found out makes it any easier for you because you were still together when she did what she did.\nThe worst thing in situations like this is that your future relationships will (if you allow them to) be tainted with distrust & scepticism. You may have to get help to sort this out for you (counselling) before you even attempt to embark on another relationship. Stuff like this tends to rear its ugly head (in our heads) when we least expect it to. If left it can almost take over our lives.\n\nI'm sorry that this has happened. Fair enough if a marriage has broken down or one partner has an issue with the other & things can't be resolved, then arrangements need to be made to split as amicably as possible. To go off & have an affair without sorting one way or the other the relationship we're already in is rank out of order.\n\nDon't let people change you into the slimy scum that they are. \nit will only make you unhappy.\n\nYou can pretty much be sure of this fact though, & that is, once the relationship your ex is now in hits the bumps that hit every relationship at one time or another, she doesn't have what it takes to sort things out properly & will be moving on to her next beau.\n\nYou can feel pity for the Guy she's with now that he can't somehow see that the way she's treating her ex husband & father of her Children, she will one day treat him.\n\nI wish you the best of luck for your future,
842224
well it is hard to admit that we are divorced, it's like saying I failed in  a relationship. But until you get over that feeling that it just wasn't meant to be, you won't feel good about yourself. You have to realize that it wasn't your fault and eveerything happens in life for a reason if we don't always know the reason
1030441
It sounds like You are in a lot of pain, I have felt this same way over and over again in my life, here are my tips maybe they will help... 1st calm down, and think about when you  two first met, 2nd find a nice time to calmly discuss your feelings with your mate, be careful of your words, but tell him how you feel. It doesn't sound as if you don't want any thing bad to happen to this relationship so don't mention the bad word "divorce". Also take a day for your self, go shoping with a friend or just cudle up with a good book, and remember everything will get better, ok good luck , I really hope this helps You. Marriage and Love is worth trying everthing ( and remember if this stuff dosn't work consider coucling, it is worth it).
649133
Tough situation.\n\nI, as one who's been there and done that, can only say you have to do what's best for you. My ex has been married for 19 years to the woman he fell in love with while we were married. I had to leave him in order to move on with my life and have never regretted it. We were not always friends but, in time, managed to find common ground for the sake of our children. \n\nYour child may or may not understand, in the beginning, but time heals all wounds. The main thing, where your son is concerned, is to make sure he understands it has nothing to do with him. Children have a tendency to absorb the guilt when their parents break up and you have to be prepared to deal with obstacles where he is concerned. Never leave him or his feeling out.\n\nThe marriage is obviously through and your wife seems to think she can keep you through your guilt. She knows you well enough to know this will hit a nerve and has no problem trumping you with it. That, in my opinion, is deceitful and manipulative. This being an indication of what the rest of your lives together must be like.\n\nI guess what I'm saying is, everyone will go task for this and the pain will be there no matter what, so why prolong it and take the chance of asking yourself, in years to come, "What if..."\n\nYou are obviously a kind and sensitive person who still cares about your wife as a person and as the mother of your child, but often this is not enough. A loveless marriage is a prison you can only wonder about being freed from. True love is something rare and beautiful. Cut your losses, let your wife go on with her life, without you, where she may have an opportunity to find true love which is obviously missing in your relationship with her.\n\nEach of you is responsible for your own happiness. You should grab yours while the opportunity is there. Your wife may choose to be bitter and angry or to be understanding and to put the child's happiness and welfare first. She is obviously not going to take it well, so be prepared for whatever may come.\n\nYou may think you'll feel nothing, but the break-up of a marriage is always emotional no matter the circumstances. Be sure you are prepared to deal with this aspect as well. Be sure not to leave your true love out of the emotional conflicts you may be going through during this time. You need to be able to share your true feelings with her and she needs to understand where you're coming from.\n\nGood luck and love. :)