Can you share with me your experiences with abusers who have gone to anger managment treatment???
359660
people with borderline personality disorder can be very scary. they take on the feelings of others and are pretty much out of touch with their own bodies. i work with them and they can be the sweetest at times and then they can be the scariest, mouthiest people ever. i myself have also went to anger management and it really didnt do much for me. i was 17 and i thought that the world revolved around me and it wasnt until i was 21 did i realize that the way that i was acting was foolish and thta i could really hurt someone. so i really dont think that is effective. you have to find it within yourself and really see that what you are doing is dumb. and with the fact that he has borderline personality he probably wont find that. i think that you are putting yourself in real danger and i hope that there are no children involved in this. if there is i would ask you to please get them out of there!
810345
witnesses tend to be the best way to coroborate verbal abuse\nBut if this is the only type of abuse, do not cry and boohoo\njust leave!! \nYou always have the option of leaving!!!
283844
Yep. I believe anything is possible. Especially this. I used to be very angry myself. Anger management classes didn't work. They pissed me off even more. But through years of therapy, and counseling i learned how to find happiness within myself, and find other more positive healthy ways of expressing myself. I learned that it's okay to be angry. Everyone gets that way whether they want to believe it or not. But anyways, yes of course you can always change yourself. I found peace in writing poetry. and listening to relaxing music. So that's what i do when i'm flustered. I write how i'm feeling. It may be some ugly and harsh poetry but in the end i feel alot better. So what i would suggest is find something you like to do, and find peace in that. Good Luck to ya.
1094910
i've gone through a lot of emotional issues from the time i was little. My father as an abusive ex-drunk and my mom has always been somewhat verbally abusive. How do i feel about it?I hate the fact that i was never really allowed to have a care free childhood and hate having memories of my dad beating me up or having to leave my house at night because my mom and dad had fought.
872559
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike my stepfather.  In fact, I always wished he'd cheat on my mother so she'd leave the bastard.  Unfortunately, I am not so lucky.\n\nHe was very emotionally and verbally abusive.  And because of him, my mother and I have a very strained relationship.  She chose her husband over her daughter, and didn't protect me from the abuse.  But, oh well.  Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?  My parents will be the ones to deal with the consequences of their actions.
475891
Well he is stepping up the control and the abuse. Almost like testing the waters so to speak. He seeing how much he can get away with. He may have realized he took it too far, and my regret his actions. Unless he gets help he is not going to change.  You will change though.  Each time he abuses you he is taking apart of your soul. You won't even realize it. Before you realize your entire life will be based on his reactions. The cycle of abuse is hard to stop. The only thing you can do at this point is get out while you still can.
561377
Yes it seems they have a victim's mentality and are needy and the people that abuse others seem to sense this in others.  You have to look at how you act strong or weak. Go to a counselor and work on the trauma. Don't think it will go away because it doesn't
362483
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I live with the same type of thing every day, unfortunately the person in question is my boss. Sometimes I think if I let loose one day the consequenses might just be worth it. Horrible, I know, but this kind of person can cause the most severe and aggressive frustration! My advice is to avoid him as much as possible, which is what I do with her, but should you happen to proceed with a physical confrontation I admit I would find it comforting to know that at least someone had some consequence for their constant crap behavior and maybe will think twice about it in the future.
1092547
I have been there. My ex-wife accused me of abuse..the part she didn't tell was she had a boy friend and she wanted lot's of $$$$.\nThank God she didn't win..it was thrown out of court..I wish I had it on video tape. She became confused in her story. I could have got some very serious time in jail. I could have sued the hell out of her..but I let it go
140071
Tell him or her about Anger Management or some Therapist. Cause he/she needs help really fast. And if that don't work, it maybe very tough, but honey, you may have to find another job. I hope I was helpful.
980776
My sister, \n\nLet me first say I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It takes courage to post a question like this and risk hearing answers you may not want to hear.\n\nYou need to get away from him.  I know this because I was in an abusive situation but I was married.  \n\nPlease open your heart to hear this the  best way you can.  You are a beautiful queen with a spirit who deserves the best in life. \nPhysical abuse and emotional abuse is wrong. Regardless of the reasons that he gives you for his actions.\n\nHe has real issues with anger and abuse because he was probably abused himself.  It still does not give him a right to abuse you.\n\nMy concern is with you.  Your heart knows that something is wrong.  I had to ask myself after I left my relationship.  What was it in me that allowed myself to stay even after I recognized something was wrong?  I ask you the same question.  No matter what has happened in your personal past that makes you feel bad about yourself, you can recover and build your self esteem to heal the wound.\n\nI say that because I have been there.  I will pray for you.  Get out and now and allow yourself to heal before entering another relationship.  You don't need to be with anyone.  Love yourself first.  Learn how to do that.  You deserve it.  Once you start to  love yourself you will be able to see exactly why leaving this relationship is a blessing.  \n\nFeel free to email me.  Call your local family violence shelter. I would also say to call a church.  Unfortunately there are a lot of Churches that don't have experience in domestic abuse.  So if you call there and it seems like no one understands you, that's one reason why.\n\nI know you can do this.  He has messed with your mind for 4 years and he knows how to get to you.  My heart hurts with you.\nTake Care of you.  Know that you are not alone.
340895
It is a terrible thing being abused by a parent.  You can deal with it andthough you think you have toughed it out, you still should get some professional help.\nYou just need to remember, that none of it for any reason was your fault.  You need to know that the abuser had issues and unfortunetly didnot deal with them except for lashingout at you.  Maybe as a child growing up, this parent was brought up in an abusive home.  Only she and possibly you will ever really know that but the deal is to forgive that abuser, and forgive yourself for there was nothing you did wrong and nothing you could have done to prevent it.  I am so happy you are out of that situation and would really like you to join a support group, or seek professional thereapy with a specialist because many times the cycle of abuse passes from one generation to the next, and many times, we don't realize this until it's too late.  These people help get inside of your head and really get to the core, and that does go a long way to being able to cope with it and not pass it on into your generation.\n  confronting the abuser is usually done at a certain point of the therapy and I would suggest not doing it until then.  It is very probable that you still have contact with this person and this person may still have an abusive nature, such as that which will come out more as verbal, emotional abuse as you are older now.\n  Please get someone to help you deal with it...they are trained and although you say you have pretty much dealt with it, you really haven't and you need to.............\n  Good luck and I am so sorry for what your parent did to you.  You were helpless and felt so unloved and so wrong all of the time, and believe me, this is not lawful and it is certainly not fair.  Good luck and stay tough.............
317605
I was raised in a lot of violence. I once (the only fight I have ever been in) beat up my father. It was the scariest thing I have ever felt, like a blinding rage. Neither of us won, as far as I can tell there is no winning in violence. My brother walked in and stopped me, I was so crazy in that moment that I didn't even know what I was doing. I just knelt down next to him and wept. No victory was won that day, I felt no better, had not gotten even.
657721
I went through the same thing with my husband.. you might try anger managment counseling or taking a trial seperation. Just remember that when you feel yourself getting to the point of explosion that you have 2 feet WALK AWAY.
229535
Yes, I had a crappy boyfriend in the past who beat me often. I'd try to leave, but he'd find me again. Why it happened....cuz he was a jerk and couldn't control his temper I guess.\nHe finally got his payback--my bestfriend at the time beat him down, and he packed up and moved. Never heard from him again! Yippee!!! ;0)
324497
I would need more information and some of this may not be released to the public.\n\nHere is general information on Domestic Violence.\n\nDomestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help\nDomestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, economic status, race and educational background. Find out how to recognize an abusive relationship and what resources are available to help.\n\nHe says he's sorry and that it won't happen again. But you fear it will. Angry outbursts, hurtful words, sometimes a slap or a punch. You may start to doubt your own judgment, or wonder whether you're going crazy. Maybe you think you've imagined the whole thing.\n\nBut you haven't. Domestic violence can and does happen to people of all ages, races, and socioeconomic and educational backgrounds. Domestic violence happens to men and to same-sex partners, but most often domestic violence involves men abusing their female partners. In fact, the Department of Health and Human Services estimates that as many as 4 million women suffer abuse from their husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or intimate partners in the United States each year.\n\nDomestic violence — also called domestic abuse, intimate partner violence or battering — occurs between people in intimate relationships. It takes many forms, including coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation, and emotional, sexual and physical abuse.\n\nWithout help, abuse will continue and could worsen. Many resources are available to help you understand your options and to support you. No one deserves to be abused.\n\nAn abusive relationship: It's about power and control\nThough there are no typical victims of domestic violence, abusive relationships do share similar characteristics. In all cases, the abuser aims to exert power and control over his partner.\n\n"A lot of people think domestic violence is about anger, and it really isn't," says Diana Patterson, a licensed social worker and violence prevention coordinator at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. "Batterers do tend to take their anger out on their intimate partner. But it's not really about anger. It's about trying to instill fear and wanting to have power and control in the relationship."\n\nBut anger is just one way that an abuser tries to gain authority. The batterer may also turn to physical violence — kicking, punching, grabbing, slapping or strangulation, for example. The abuser may also use sexual violence — forcing you to have sexual intercourse or to engage in other sexual activities against your will.\n\nIn an abusive relationship, the abuser may use varying tactics to gain power and control, including:\n\nChildren as pawns. Accuses you of bad parenting, threatens to take the children away, uses the children to relay messages, or threatens to report you to children's protective services.\nCoercion and threats. Threatens to hurt other family members, pets, children or self.\nDenial and blame. Denies that the abuse occurs and shifts responsibility for the abusive behavior onto you. This may leave you confused and unsure of yourself or make you feel like you're going crazy.\nEconomic abuse. Controls finances, refuses to share money, makes you account for money spent and doesn't want you to work outside the home. The abuser may also try to sabotage your work performance by forcing you to miss work or by calling you frequently at work.\nEmotional abuse. Uses put-downs, insults, criticism or name-calling to make you feel bad about yourself.\nIntimidation. Uses certain looks, actions or gestures to instill fear. The abuser may break things, destroy property, abuse pets or display weapons.\nIsolation. Limits your contact with family and friends, requires you to get permission to leave the house, doesn't allow you to work or attend school, and controls your activities and social events. The abuser may ask where you've been, track your time and whereabou
375844
lalapetal, I would sugest that you talk to someone about this. Is there somekind of counselor you can seek? Some kind of suport groups in your area? I once told that I need to let it go and give it to god. But sometimes it stays with us and find it hard to accept things and forgive others. If you dont want to seek help then please seek a forum that can suport you.. google for some abuse forum, there are some good ones out there. You need to def talk to someone about this so you can begin to heal... this is the first step...