Does anyone have any funny momma jokes will rate "best" for funniest answer.?
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Yo mama is so fat\nYo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up\n\nYo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"\n\nYo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.\n\nYo mama so fat were in her right now\n\nYo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise\n\nYo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone\n\nYo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors\n\nYo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...\n\nYo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world\n\nYo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy\n\nYo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!\n\nYo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!\n\nYo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"\n\nYo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"\n\nYo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized\n\nYo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway\n\nYo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller\n\nYo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets\n\nYo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th\n\nYo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too\n\nYo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"\n\nYo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!\n\nYo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"\n\nYo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.\n\nYo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.\n\nYo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.\n\nYo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.\n\nYo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!\n\nYo mama so fat she's got her own area code!\n\nYo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!\n\nYo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!\n\nYo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!\n\nYo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!\n\nYo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...\n\nYo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.\n\nYo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!\n\nYo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!\n\nYo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!\n\nYo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!\n\nYo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!\n\nYo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.\n\nYo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!\n\nYo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!\n\nYo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!\n\nYo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!\n\nYo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!\n\nYo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!\n\nYo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!\n\nYo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!\n\nYo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!\n\nYo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!\n\nYo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!\n\nYo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!\n\nYo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!\n\nYo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!\n\nYo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!\n\nYo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car! \n\nYo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!\n\nYo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!\n\nYo mama so fat when she ge
982937
I still find this as funny today and when I first heard it.  It is one of my MOST favorite jokes ever.  Thanks for reminding me!!!!!
322908
i think this one is funny:\nA little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is\nbaking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over\nhis face. "Mom, look, I'm a white boy."\n\nHis mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your\nfather".\n\nHe goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad,\nI'm a white boy."\n\nHis dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your\ngrandmother."\n\nThe boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Mira,\nabuelita, I'm a white boy " His grandmother slaps him in\nthe face and sends him back to his mother.\n\nHis mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"\n\nTo which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white\nfor five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans."
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I almost gave birth too a litter of kittens when I read this.\n\nWay WAY too funny. Thanks.\n\nIt has ***got*** too be grand too have your wife write out a script in whitch you get too beat the ever loven dog cr4p out of your father in law so very often. I would ***dearly*** love too go too the McMahon residence for Thanksgiving dinner one year.\n\n"Yeah, but did you have too hit me so ***hard*** with that chair shot?"\n\n"Look. It was in the script! What could I do?"\n\n"Yeah Daddy! And your peas are gonna get cold!"\n\nThanx for that.
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1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
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i hope this joke can make you laugh\n\nA little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.\nThe son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"\n\nThe mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."\n\n"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.\n\n"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.\n\n"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
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Laugh My Mother F*cking Butt Off
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HAHAHAHAHA MN_SASSYGAL YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD MY BELLY BOTTON IS GOING TO EXPLODE! HAHAHAHAHAHA.\n\nWELL, I CAN HELP YOU ELIFFAITH BY SLAMMING YOUR PEEPEE\n WITH A HAMMER THAT WILL MAKE YOU SCREAM LOL!  HAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T STOP !
580437
your momma so stupid when she was screaming in an envelope i asked wat r u doing she said i was trying to send a voice mail\n\nyour momma so stupid when she was walking she saw a bus of white people and started yelling Catch that twinkie, and when she got to the bus she said wheres the cream filling\n\nyour momma so fat that when she met godzilla, godzilla said hello big pappa and mama
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Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party! \n\nYo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! " \n\nYo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!! \n\nYo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!" \n\nYo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck. \n\nYo momma is so fat her waist size is equator!\n\nYo momma so fat shes on both side of the family. \n\nYo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil! \n\nYo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale! \n\nYo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test! \n\nYo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink! \n\nYo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl. \n\nYo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! \n\nYo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! \n\nYo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! \n\nYo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
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http://funnies.com/spermcount.htm\n\nlol its funny but i couldnt copy and paste\n\nheres another one\n\nHOW TO IMPRESS \nA WOMAN. \n* Wine her,\n* Dine her,\n* Call her,\n* Hug her,\n* Support her,\n* Hold her,\n* Surprise her,\n* Compliment her,\n* Smile at her,\n* Listen to her,\n* Laugh with her,\n* Cry with her,\n* Romance her,\n* Encourage her,\n* Believe in her,\n* Pray with her,\n* Pray for her,\n* Cuddle with her,\n* Shop with her,\n* Give her jewelry,\n* Buy her flowers,\n* Hold her hand,\n* Write love letters to her,\n* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.\nHOW TO IMPRESS \nA MAN\n* Show up naked ... \n* Bring food ... \n* Don't block the TV\n\nthis isnt dirty but i thoght its funny lol\n\nAPPLICATION FOR PERMISSION\nTO DATE MY DAUGHTER\n\nNOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.\n\n1. NAME__________________________...\n\nDATE OF BIRTH___/___/___\n\n\n2.HEIGHT__________________WEIG...\n\n3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________\n\n4. BOY SCOUT RANK__________________________...\n\n5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STAT...\n\n6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________\nIF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN_______________________...\n\n7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________\n\n8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE...\nTRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____...\nDO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__\n\n9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________...\n\n10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...\n\n11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________...\n\n12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?_______________________...\n\n13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?_______...\n\n14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)\nA. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________\nB. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________\nC. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________\nD.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________\nE. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________\n(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)\n\n15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________\n\nI SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.\n\n______________________________...\nSIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)\n\nTHANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)
452212
What has the world come to? People don't seem to make good clean jokes any more (keyword: good)! Sheesh...\n\nHere's one:\n\nA pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. \n\nThe doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." \n\nThe woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" \n\nExpecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" \n\n"Denise," the doctor says. \n\nThe new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" \n\nThen she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" \n\nThe doctor replies, "DeNephew" \n\n:o)
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i just received this joke from a text message..\n\nthere is this boyfriend and girlfriend..\nbf: "hon, let's do 69!"\ngf: "what is 69?"\nbf: "it's easy.."\n\nthen they positioned theirselves..\nwhile in that position, the boy farted 4 times..\n\nthen the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"\n\nlolz..
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Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
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101? I ONLY HAVE MY BEST 3 JOKES...HOPE IT DOESN'T OFFEND U\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
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LMAOO i absolutely LOVE this one!!!!\nu should post more..\nfrom one to ten...this one is a 9!!\nthanx soo much for the laugh!\n=]
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Get back with you in a minute...can't stop laughing.\n\n\nI'm back. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thanks. Woke the husband up. And , no.