Child support- should I give the guy a break?
370803
As someone who has had support obligors jailed for failing to pay support, but also as someone who has been faced with support obligees who completely misrepresent their financial and custody circumstances in order to try to force an obligor parent to pay more than would otherwise be permitted, as a means of maintaining control over the other person, my opinion is that you must balance the value of the money to you, with the very real likelihood that you may disincentivize the other party from wanting to have anything to do with his/her child(ren), and furthermore to want to try to improve their own financial circumstances over the long term.\n\nThere is really no perfect answer to the questions, but I would urge you to try to get the obligor parent more involved in directly caring for the child, rather than merely paying for it, because this produces the best overall result for the child. The father will feel involved, and less likely to want to withhold support for the child, and the child will feel like there are two involved parents, rather than only one who is doing the caring, and the other who is doing the paying.\n\nGood luck.
47215
Well, as a guy paying 1500 per month in child support for one child, I TOO see both sides of it. I agreed to pay this amount, and was not required to pay it. One of the other responders is correct, it varies from state to state, but runs about 20% of your pay. the fact is, I am more qualified, and financially responsible to raise my child. I have more energy, time, and general resources than my Ex-wife, but do you think I could EVER win custody, even though I am truly more qualified? No, never, not in a million years can a man win.. So for the average man, it is a lose/lose situation.. We lose a large percentage of our pay, and we lose much of our time with our child.. My lawyer said in the state of Texas, a woman has to have murdered someone to lose their child, and he claims there has not heard of a single case where the father was given custody without VERY extenuating circumstances. \n\nTo the person who said "they should have thought about that before they had kids".. Don't be an idiot. You must be 12 years old...
1147588
If the support is not court ordered and the mother is not requesting support then legally he doesn't have to  pay anything. Morally however, and assuming he's a responsible father and parent, then he should be making it his business and priority to ensure that his child or children are provided for to the best of his financial ability.
678904
Breaks are ok like this, logical and smart.  He's being very mature.  You not going to like how I say this, and I honesty don't know a better wait, so i'm sorry in advance.  But this is your warning from him if I'm reading what you wrote right, your behavor isn't acceptible to him and he's not going to put up with it.  If you can't control it, you might want to move on, save yourself the divorce later.  Hope you don't, sounds like you lucked up and got yourself a good guy.  Alot of girls would love to be in your shoe's.  Don't blow it.
857925
If he ever threatens you with bodily harm or anything, file for a restraining order or protective order.  Given his criminal history, it may be possible for him to only be allowed court supervised visitation of the child.  You were right to demand that he only see the child during the court oredered visitation.  Do not feel one bit guilty about that.  As for the money, if the child is old enough to listen to what he says, the child is old enough to listen to what you say as well.  Tell the child that the money is what he is required to pay for supporting his child and it is not stolen, but is his responsibility to pay so you can feed the child.  That is honest.  Don't bad-mouth the father to the child.  Just state the facts without emotion.  Kids are pretty smart and can put it together. :o)\n\nDo be careful.  You might consider making sure you have good locks on your home and keep it locked all the time to protect yourself.  The law is on your side, so stick to it.  Don't play his game.  I told my ex that I wasn't his wife anymore and didn't have to fight with him, but that he could contact my attorney and/or the state child support office.  They get paid to deal with him so I don't have to.  You don't have to fight with your ex either.\n\nIf he ever threatens you bodily in any way.... take legal action immediately.  Do not hesitate to call the police and file a protective order.  We all have heard the horror stories of what twisted men do to women they supposedly "loved" at some point.  Be careful and use wisdom.\n\nBest Wishes,\n\nSue
869281
go to the court system and tell them about your child support and that he has not been paying and that you want him to start paying and then you get a order against him for all of that and above. then see how he likes that.
1037636
It is very sad that has happened but unfortunatly that may be his best option. Does he still pay his child support? He needs to continue paying it even if he is not seeing his son because if they do end up back in court it will look better on him. I know that if you do not have a child back from visitation on time the police can be called, I wonder if it works the other way to. ( like she's not having the boy there for his visitation time if he can call the police on her) He may also try to contact his local DSS office and explain the situation to them and see if they can help or they may know who to contact to help him. Good luck to your friend!
1121546
if he has another child he can ask for a reduction on your children....no difference if they are married...only his income is involved in your support....no increase if he is married ...his new wife income has nothing to do with your kids
567259
If it's not his dad, keep clear.  Maybe he's taking over a dad's responsibility.  Keep clear again.  This kid will need a dad.  If his 'dad' is doing everything a dad needs to to then leave well alone.  Don't cause friction.  If the kid is happy with the arrangement, leave well alone.  They'll work it out in the future.  Don't interfere.  Let fate take it's toll without your input.
388998
Take the bit*h to court, that way if you get partial custody and visitation rights, she cant sue you for child support.  You'll be suprised how fathers have rights these days to help them see their children.
932416
The support he pays to her or the court is not payable to you as a minor. She decides how and when to use it. You have the legal right to file a suit as an individual but I think it would be hard to find an attorney to represent you because for one if you loose he can't come against you for payment since you are a minor. Your best bet is to think this out and perhaps in time things will get better. You should talk to social services legal office in your area for advice, this gives all notice of your thoughts and perhaps they may intervene for you.
1151167
It would seem to me that if the child is not yet the age of majority and still attending school(all though its consider \n"adult ed") and still living with you..the child support should continue.\n\nYour ex..could petition the court to have the child support cease, if the child is not living with you and/or if the child is not attending school.
636850
Don't allow him to do this way. He is a crude man for what he did to you, but remember the saying we are only a doormat if we allow it. Don't be that for him anymore. Make him pay child support and go on about your life. It is hard but you can do it for the sake of your children..Nicky
850911
If he is the biological father of your kids then get the miserable SOB back into court and apply for  child support and make sure you get it backdated too.
521538
ok hunny been there done that.  with your sweetie i cant give a guarenteed answer but i had that problem with my son's father when we were together. he thought it was his responsibilty to look after his mom.  last straw for me was when she "borrowed" 200 bucks to take his sister back to the mainland for ferry and gas and i found out that she used it to go bowling. man i was pissed beyond recognition since the money came out of my account which i used to pay ALL the bills and he wouldnt ask her to pay it back. in your case hes the child and unless they are unable to work or seriously something wrong with them then his responisbility is to you and his children.........however many kids there are and his parents should know that their grandbabies come first and foremost. doesnt matter whose kids they are they are always first and shame on his ex for trying to stick him with two kids that arent his. personally i wouldnt put up with whats going on but maybe make a really big chart and stick it up somewhere really obvious (maybe in the bathroom right over the toilet where he presumably STANDS every morning to take a piss and cant miss it) and put up a couple column where you detail the money your bro gives you for gas and the money his parents drain out every month and ask him how if hes going to support his parents where is the money going to come from for paying child support plus all the monthly bills. family is only as important as you make them and he needs to get rid of his and be a big boy. if they want to know his every move maybe perhaps you should suggest to his parents that he get his old room ready so he can move back in it or offer to move your entire family his kids your kids an all into THEIR house so that they can be in control and you can stay rent free and they can babysit.  all else fails change your phone number refuse to open your door and have all the accounts put in your name with only you being able to access them. or as suggested by the others then by all means kick his ass to the curb............ but thats up to you and how much more of this you are willing to deal with.
932275
Wow!  You are in for a battle.  Call the child support office first.  If they can't or won't help you, you'll probably have to get an attorney.   If you're really owed the money, don't let them keep it.   It CAN be done.   Good lluck
799614
If you don't want the drama go to your nearest family court and fill out papers to have child support court issued so he has to pay a certain amount a month or he'll get in trouble. If he doesn't have a job they will make him get a job. Your ex is an immature momma's boy and doesn't comprehend his 3 children have needs. As for yourself instead of your young family suffering go to the state for help food stamps,wic,and alittle cash each month can certainly help out until you can get the kids some child care and yourself a job.Don't rely on a man ( your not dealing with 1 anyway) you need to step up and take control of your situation. I am a single mother of 2 I know its hard as hell but as long as you keep trying to do what is best once you have the kids in daycare and your working you will feel so much better because your doing your part as best you can. Don't wait on him and his mom to help out do it yourself so you can say you did it. When the kids get older they will see who has been there for them fighting for the things they want and working her butt off for them. Tell them both to stick the $30 a week for food up their u know whats you'll see them in court and the courts will issue him to pay atleast $50 a week.Apologize for what? asking her son act like a man?It's just wrong for him to tell mommy what going on between you two it shows that he's not a man and can't handle things with out getting mommy involved.Mom should just stay out of it in the first place and tell her son he made the bed now he's gotta sleep in it or if he was a big boy when he laid down and had 3 babies he can be man enough to make his own decisions without involving his mommy like he's tattle tailing.I feel bad that your gonna have to deal with that boy for the rest of your life and his mommy cause she has already overstepped her bounds cause her son is a momma's boy you will be dealing with her for the rest of her life being in your business. Good Luck !!