How do I politely tell my parents that my fiance and I have decided to pay for/throw  our wedding?
361709
Please tell them what you wrote.  They should want this day to be the most wonderful day for you.  Yes most parents want a say in it and because they pay for it they expect it. But who planned their wedding???  Our parents planned ours and I regret it still many years later.  Tell them this is our day, we value your opinion and will compromise as best we can but we want it to be special for us.  Tell them you will pay for or whatever it takes.  If there are parts that you can agree on let them pay for that.
15258
If you're the one that offered the invitation, then you're the one that foots the bill.  Sometimes parents will end up paying for their own portion or sometimes the entire thing.  Just be willing and ready to pay for it yourself.
290839
all the answers you received are good ones already.  I just have one suggestion:  ask her about how her wedding was planned.   If she answers she did, then tell her how much you want to do this also.  If she answers  her mom or mother in law, ask her how much she enjoyed it.   Then find out one area that you can delegate to her as her special responsibility like, "I have always wanted yellow and white roses on the tables at the reception; will you get them and arrange them for me?"  Even if you would like them done differently, let her do something.  A wedding is for a special day--a marriage is for a life time.  And you are paving the way for a long term relationship.  Thank God she wants to help you have a beautiful day--means she likes you. Already a positive step.  Your willingness to ask the question rather than trying to put your fiance in a bad position shows your maturity.   Way to go.
1089200
I beleive it is in poor taste to ask for cash at any point during the process.  Usually when people register for a wedding or a big aniversary or birthday, they dont put that information on the invitation itself.  \nIt makes it sound as if your making sure to invite as many people as possible in order to maximize the amount of money that you will receive.\nSometimes the invitation will say "No gifts please."\nThat is also appropriate.\nIt sounds like the people that are in charge of planning this event have no class or tact, and for that reason, I would not attend, nor send money or a gift.\nI might send a greeting card in the mail, but that would be it.
149891
I don't think there is an easy solution to your problem. Anytime you ask for something (like money)  instead of receiving what is given to you graciously, you come off as being ungrateful and money hungary. I understand this perfectly, and I usually give gifts of money, so that the gift receiver can get whatever they want. By doing this, there is also a negative side. Some will call you uncaring, and lazy for not coming up with an idea for a "real present".What I am trying to say is, regardless of what you do, you'll probably be criticized for your action.\nI personally would not "request" money in lieu of other wedding presents in a DIRECT manner.  What I would do is this, since you  have an invitation list, let the friends and relatives of these invited guest know in an INDIRECT way, by dropping hints to them that you would rather receive money instead of  things of little use like toasters, irons, etc. I hope that this advise is of some help, and best wishes on your upcoming wedding.
19911
Well that all depends on if you want your family and friends there. Ask yourselves these questions... \n1. Can we afford to pay for our friends and family to come?\n2. Can our friends and family afford to pay to come to our wedding?\n3. Do I REALLY want to get married somewhere else?\n4. Should we just elope and have a reception for everyone when we get home?\n\nIf that is what you want than go ahead and do it. Just explain to everyone why you want to do it. You only get married once and you should have it the way you want so you always remember this special time.
390526
Tell them exactly that - That you are having a very small intimate wedding and unfortunately you can't invite everyone, you don't have to go into details as to why if you don't want to - untimately it's your day!  Easier said than done I know - Im struggling with the exact same for my wedding. But your friends will appreciate hearing this from you rather than someone else. If they are true friends they will understand.
623629
I am 21, when I got married my mother and my fiance's parents split the cost. Neither could afford the whole thing on their own. I got married at a chapel that offered in house photography (which is the most expensive and the most important thing about the day in my opinion). It hurt that I couldn't have the the huge wedding because there simply wasn't the money. My advice would be to definitely do what you can afford and only that. But do what you can afford. No less. No matter how frivolous you may think it is, you should offer to do all you can for the most important day of your daughter's life. That being said, there is no need to do ridiculously lavish things like fireworks at the wedding, or a 10 layer cake. Pick your battles here. The dress is going to be expensive, when she finds one she loves, let her have it no matter what the cost but make sure she knows the budget. If the budget is $10,000 and she wants a $5,000 dress she needs to know how much that leaves her. My fiance and I made our own invitations with a computer kit we bought. It was $25 at walmart and they turned out beautiful. \nHer fiance doesn't need to be pressuring you. If he wants more than you can afford tell him point blank he will have to get it somewhere else. Money can be an uncomfortable subject but you have to be upfront about how much you can afford. Ask what kind of wedding your daughter has in mind, a simple beachfront wedding, a huge cathedral wedding,etc. That can also help you figure out how much you will need to spend. Before you plan a budget, discuss the things that are most important and the things that could be simplified (invitations, the ceremony site,etc). Look around at different locations and offer help where it is asked for and make sure your daughter knows you are willing to help her in any way needed. The grooms family is supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner so if he wants to impress friends tell them they can go all out then. The wedding traditionally falls on the brides parents but nowadays its up to whoever can pay. Bring both families together to discuss payment. And only pay what you can.\n\nAs to the other suggestions here: the brides family typically pays for the wedding. That includes flowers and liquor. So don't be petty about those things. You don't need liquor at the reception as that can drive costs through the roof. If you want liqour there have a cash bar instead of an open bar, or not at all. Depending on where you have the wedding,they may not allow liquor to be served.\n\nAs for an elopement, please don't encourage this. Your family will hate that they weren't included in the wedding amd couldn't see their neice/cousin/grandchild get married. As will you. Don't you think you will wish that you got to see them get married? Don't encourage that.\n\nYou didnt say whether or not your daughter has a career or not, so if she does and can afford to pay for the wedding I agree she should help out but as a gift to the married couple,it would be nice if you were to help out. But sometimes it takes a little longer to get a career together, so if she doesnt have one you should definitely help. But if she does have one and you choose to help, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Even if she was 40 and you were paying, there is nothing wrong with that.
785749
ok, so mum is being manipulative as all get out!  \nthis is your day, your wedding, your life.  get on with it!  i speak from experience.  my mother pulled the same crap - do it my way or else!  well i gave in to her a lot and almost lost my fiance, [now husband], over it all.  thank god i woke up and stood up to her.   \nas calmly as you can reassure her she will always have a place in your life, and you want her to be part of your life, but it is your life.  \ntell her you want her at the wedding but will respect her decision if she chooses not to come. \nand tell your sister the same thing.  don't let them turn it into a discussion - you are telling them how its going to be and then stick with it.  \ngood luck kiddo, stay strong and marry your man the way you want to do it.  its your day, your life, your happiness - your family needs to realize that.
1039186
That is really awful! Wow. I have only heard of such inconsiderateness once before. \n\nMy cousin got married maybe 15 years ago and my fiance wasnt allowed to go either. I was supposed to be in her wedding but I declined. I went to the ceremony, stayed for dinner and then had my fiance pick me up. I couldnt believe how rude that was of her! And my fiance and I were living together at the time, too!\n\nAll I can tell you is that you should really ask for an exception to be made. Tell them how much it would mean to you to have your boyfriend there. After all, some people never get married and are happily together forever. So, I dont think that the piece of paper (or ring in the case of being engaged) should have any bearing on whether your boyfriend is invited. \n\nYou could offer to pay for his dinner, if money is what they are concerned about. \n\nI would have done the same thing that you did. It is so highly rude and unjustified for your boyfriend to not have been invited. I cant believe the nerve of some people. It makes me so angry just thinking about them doing that to you! Ugh! I would have declined the invitation also. If nothing else, it's out of respect for your boyfriend! \n\nBottom line is, do what you feel is right. You will get a whole myriad of answers here covering all options. Only you know what's right for you. But once you have made up your mind, stand firm! Dont let other family members tell you that you are wrong. You are not the one who was wrong here!
779534
To directly ask for cash is in very poor taste.   The best way you could handle this is when you send out your invitations or requests to attend your wedding.   Make a note in it that you only want "Best Wishes"  and that you have everything you need.\nMost people will understand, but you have to prepare yourself that some may not give you anything.  Usually a Best Wishes is your way of saying you don't need any material items.  And most people understand they want to give you something.  So you may end up with gift certificates or cash or nothing.   Do the right thing and accept whatever you recieve graciously and send a thank you note right away.
278980
bride..and best wishes!!\nif you wanted to try and include your parents on the invite, you could do: Suzy and Tom, together with their parents, request your presence...
1165300
When announcing a marriage that is not going to be having a follow-up reception, keep it simple.  Simply stating (for example)- It is with great pleasure to announce that on (enter date, 2006), (enter name of bride) and (enter name of groom) vowed their love and devotion to eachother in a (for example) seaside ceremony on the beaches of Hawaii.  May they have a happly and blessed life together.\n\nPeople don't really need any other information than that.  Many people understand that in today's day, age and economy, a reception is an unnecessary expense.  Those that are close enough to you already know and anyone that wants to send a gift will have access to your address from the return address on the envelope.  There is no tactful way to present the gift issue if you are not having a reception.  It would be untactful to register somewhere and include that information.  If whomever you are sending the announcements to has an actual impact on your lives, they will send a gift.
643273
Don't listen to all these people.\nIt is probably a case of cold feet jitters-I went trough that right before my wedding too!\nJust talk to your intended and see how they feel, and just go with your gut. Remember, you can call it off at the altar if you like, but if you cancel now, it's definitely off.
792539
get married first and then tell ur parents , atleast I did that because I didnt want any caos in my marriage, if u love him marry him otherwise u will remember him often
838114
Here's my best guess:\n\nThey wanted to help out you and your fiance. They wanted to give him a great wedding and they probably thought they could, until the sister got engaged. Because they are obligated to pay for her wedding now, they probably can't affored to pay for both. \n\nThey are going to pay for the rehearsal dinner, I guarentee that because ettiquette says they should and they will. You need to have your fiance talk to his parents and find out the reason behind the broken promise.\n\nAgain, my  best guess is that sister's wedding threw a monkey in their pocket book and they don't know how to tell you they can't afford to take on your wedding too -- your parents should be doing that afterall, and I'm guessing that's what they expect.
300941
Well you do not really have to tell them until u r ready and it all depends when the wedding is? Another thing once it done once it is possibility she can do it again and also everyone makes mistakes and your parents have to realize they make mistakes too.Your parents never cheated or had problems of the sort. Talk to them on that issue first. Marriage is a every sensitive issue.did she explain why she did it. you have to be encouraged that she is the one for you without a doubt despite what may come out of her mouth. I know because Im female.