Is my husband an alcoholic?
360520
The question isn't about whether or not he's an alcoholic. That's besides the point. The real issue is that his habits are preventing him from being a responsible, reliable husband and father. What happens if you decide to have a few drinks while relaxing at home one day? Who will pick up the kids then? Who will buy the groceries to feed the family? What if an emergency comes up and both of you are too intoxicated to drive? Why is it fair that he can lounge around and drink, leaving all of the responsibilities to you? You need to have a long, serious talk with him. Don't make the issue out to be that he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics are in denial and that will only infuriate him. Make the issue to be that his "habits" are preventing him from helping you with the daily household responsibilities.
1008491
Then he is drinking too much, I talk with his doctor (go on his next doctor's appointment if he is anything like my husband you are probably the one who makes the appointment anyways) You can set up and appointment and tell him that it is a checkup and then he is going to be FURIOUS, but tell on him to the doctor.
354307
I'm an alcoholic myself, so I know this all too well.  You need to get him help.  There are two forms: 1. Psychology & 2. Psychiatry.  In this case his depression seems pretty bad, so I would take him to a psychiatrist and get him on anti-depressants. \n\nAs far as his drinking -- well only he can stop that.  If he is only drinking because he's depressed, he might cut down when he gets on the pills.  Otherwise the only thing you can do is try to make him see how much it is hurting his life.  Only he can make the decision to stop.
224656
I would try talking to your hubby about there not being so much alcohol in the house when you are trying to drop the habit. If he doesn't understand then maybe you should go stay at a friend or parents house (that contains little or no alcohol) for a certain amount of time until you can fight the craving. Talk to your hubby though, he should understand and since ya'll are married take your side of the situation than his friends, he should be trying to help you not hurt you. And having his friends over partying and drinking while you're trying to kick the habit is only hurtin you in the long run. \n\nTry also hanging out with people who don't drink (like me! lol) and don't do the party scene anymore. Only you can change your life and what you want to do with it, noone can decide for you but advice is given and what you do with it is up to you. \n\nNeed a friend to talk to when the temptation arises? Email me dixiemom8203@yahoo.com or yahoo ID dixiemom8203. Feel free to chat with me at any time. You could also try every time you get the desire for alcohol try writing it down saying how you feel at that exact moment and reminding yourself that you don't need it. \n\nI wish you all the luck in the world, I have faith in you...God Bless!
1051155
Deal with the alcohol first and ignore the under-30 ignorant responses you'll get here.  \n\nTalk to a professional rehab counselor who can get help for your husband.  Believe me, I have much experience in this field.  \n\nThe alcohol is a response to his own self-hatred and anger and it will come out as misplaced and on you.  \n\nYou must deal with this, this is the key.  All of it is connected, but the professionals will tell you and so will I:  The alcohol is never the problem:  what makes a person want to drink is.  \n\nBeing self-centered and unfaithful also spring from this.   \n\nTake action, don't wait, don't enable, don't make excuses, don't feel sorry for yourself.   Just act.\n\nJeff
119788
I am.  Been going to AA a year.  He is.  I was totally functional, never missed work, etc.  But drank almost every night.\n\nGuidance lies in the answer to the following question:  Why does he drink at all?  What is the negative part of life that he wishes to escape from or at least numb every night?  For me, it was simply the world.  (Too many mean people, too many corrupt politicians, too many wars, too much stress, too many idiots, etc.)  But when one considers the negative ramifications of drinking, especially on health, finances and relationships, it is truly better to live life sober on life's terms.  The problem is that sounds like a miserable proposition to an alcholic.  The truth, though, is after going to AA for a while, the laughter starts to come back, the peace of mind, the serenity.  Life becomes a joy again that doesn't need to be numbed every night.\n\nGood luck!
1175225
Stacy,\n\nI answered your last question because it appeared you wanted to know how to move on but this question is now about not moving on and instead trying to help your husband with his drinking problem. My answer to this will be short and to the point ... you cant. Unless he wants help and is willing to make the sacrifices to stop drinking and change his life he will never stop and things will only get worse with time.
819405
My dad used to be an abusive alcohol....It was a very painful childhood growing up with all the verbal and mental abuse.....When I turned 22, he completely changed, became a Christian and quit drinking, cold turkey....It took time to heal our relationship, but now I LOVE MY DAD and he really is the best dad anyone could ever want.....We are very close and has been a lot of healing from the past.....He never really apologized, but with his radical change in behavior, I didn't need an apology because actions speak louder than words.....We never talk about the past, because I have forgiven him and I know he is a different person and I choose to let the past go, I can't change it, but only learn from it.....Just be patient and all things will come together.....Best of luck and what a wonderful gift  you have, the opportunity for healing your relationship with your dad, most people never get that chance....
11375
As a 3 year member of Alcoholics Anonymous I'm gonna try to answer this.  Unfortunately as someone else responded to your question I agree that most likely and sadly you can't do much to help him if he doesn't want help.  As we say in AA, AA is not for those who need it but for those who want it.  As for his family you might try honestly, humbly, and lovingly letting his family know how concerned you are and that you don't know what to do.  I don't know if you have any spiritual beliefs but you might try praying for the man, I will.  James S. -Alcoholic Anonymous
1017588
You need to leave him. No one should have to live with an alcoholic and you cannot live with one. I am living proof. My father drank while I was growing up. My mother decided that she would be responsible for him if something happened to him (say he died outside) if she kicked him out and he didn't have anywhere to go. So she never really kicked him out. \n\nEmotionally I have been screwed up. In an alcoholic home you grow up not knowing what to expect-there is chaos all the time. You find ways to cope with your feelings and try to survive. An alcoholic's problem is not just limited to the alcoholic-it affects the whole family. Because I didn't have my father's love I ended up looking for love elsewhere. He did love me but that didn't makeup for the times when I needed him. I ended up being sexually abused because I went looking for the love I needed but never got.\n\nWhy do you want toput up with it? If you haven't seen the movie "When a Man loves a woman" with Meg Ryan please rent it. This will give you an idea of what life is like with an alcoholic. He will probably continue to cheat whether he did anything or not. Is this the way for your boyfriend to act? Why do you want to take the abuse? It has nothing to do with the fact that you don't drink with him. \n\nI would make a list of pros and cons and be totally honest about the relationship. See what you come up with. You may also want to try Al-Anon and possibly see a counselor and talk about your feelings and what is going on. \n\nHe is the alcoholic-he is responsible for himself. If he chooses to stay this way-he will make his bed and lay in it. \n\nTwo days out of the week doesn't sound that great. One thing to remember is that your children will see this and they themselves could have a problem as they grow older and I guarantee you that they will seek someone with the same behaviors that your boyfriend has. Why do they want to choose anyone else? What they will grow up with is what they will have been exposed to all their life and they will think the whole world is like that.\n\nI wonder if you came from the same sort of background. Its amazing that most of the people I work with came from families with alcoholic backgrounds. Its amazing that we survived but we have also paid a price. What about you? \n\nLife isn't perfect but it is what you make it. You cannot change what happened to you but you have the ability to change your life from this point on. We are responsible to ourselves #1. Do you call this living?\n\nLastly you may love and have feelings for him but that doesn't mean you need to put up with it. I told my husband that if he ever started drinking heavily I would divorce him in a heart beat. I grew up with it and I did not want to live that away again. I think you have to examine the answers why you continue to stay with him.\n\nLife is too dam short and you and your children will miss out on a lot of things. Your heart will heal over time as you go on with your life and provide as best you can for your children. But you need to go on with your life. Don't stop living for someone who is destroying your life and the people around him.
710209
From my own experience, I say go and get a better life, as you only have 1 life to live. You try and try, until you spin your wheels.\n\nI was married to a guy for 13 years and we had 3 kids.  He drank every day, and our life was hell.  Life goes on, and now I have a wonderful husband, and we've been married for 15 years.  I bailed and it turned out good.   I went to counseling and Alanon befe I made my decision.  You may find someone wonderful.\n\nThe best thing you can do when dealing with an alcoholic spouse is to detach from the abuse of the alcoholic. You can do this if you truly love your spouse and want to help them to possible sobriety. The more you focus all your energies on the alcoholic, the less likely he is to get sober. This article focuses on how you can detach and remain healthy mentally.\n\nDon’t Make Alcoholism Your Problem\n\nIf you have never read any of the Al-anon material then you probably don’t know that you are making the disease of alcoholism YOUR problem. One of the sad facts of living with an alcoholic is we become just as mentally and emotionally sick as the alcoholic. This happens because every step of life we take, and every breath of air we breathe has some involvement with the alcoholic. Our emotions overtake our own mental health as we try and cope with the deterioration of the alcoholic in our life. What are we doing wrong? We are concentrating too much on the disease, instead of concentrating on our mental and emotional health. We may as well be tipping the bottle for them. Better yet, we may as well be drinking with them!\n\nDon’t Enable\n\nMost spouses of alcoholics don’t realize they are helping their spouse drink just by a few simple behaviors and actions. Several ways in which you may be enabling your spouse to drink is by buying them alcohol, drinking with them, calling the boss and or family members for him because he is too hung over or too drunk to do it himself. Lying to friends, boss, family and co-workers about him and his drinking problem. Taking them to the store, arguing with them, and behaving like a victim. You are not the victim of alcoholism until you make yourself BEcome the victim.\n\nGet Off The Pity Pot\n\nGet off of the pity pot and begin living for yourself, instead of living for the alcoholic. “Oh poor me, everyday I am suffering and I can’t take it anymore” attitude won’t get you anywhere. You need to take care of yourself and that cannot be done if you are focusing all of your attention on the alcoholic and what he is doing or what he isn’t doing. Start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Get out of the house, don’t hang around the alcoholic, and don’t let them abuse you with their words. If you care about the alcoholic in your life, this is what helps them more than anything else.\n\nDetach With Love\n\nYou are powerless to getting your loved one to stop drinking. The first step in being able to detach is by realizing that the shenanigans of the alcoholic is not your problem. Don’t try and fix their messes for them. Not only does this enable them to continue drinking, but also it justifies their drinking. Don’t have any interaction with the alcoholic while they are drinking; that includes, talking and arguing with them. Why fuss and fight with someone who has lost the ability to make any sense? Don’t become ensnared in the alcoholic trap with them. Stay out of the trap, so you can help them. Ninety-five percent of what an alcoholic says is manipulative and hogwash anyway. Don’t start believing in the lies of the disease. Separate yourself from the antics of the alcoholic.\nhttp://www.mayoclinic.com/health/alcoholism/DS00340\nhttp://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bipolar-disorder/AN00920\nhttp://www.maricopa.gov/benefits/pdf/AA/Living_with_Alcoholic.pdf\nhttp://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=152&catalogueContentID=420\nhttp://web4health.info/en/answers/add-living-with-an-alcoholic.htm\nhttp://www.dooyoo.co.uk/archive-lif
461330
I agree that he should not be drinking and taking meds at the same time deadly combination!!! Now for you and your son need to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!! Your husband needs help the best way to get the right help for him is to have him admitted to a hospital so correct meds can be given and he can be monitored properly. UNDERSTAND YOU ARE IN DANGER AND SO IS YOUR SON UNFORTUNATELY YOU HUSBAND MAY HURT YOU OR CHILD OR BOTH TILL HE IS PROPERLY MEDICATED AND GETS PROPER COUNSELING
1034614
There are different forms of alcoholism.....you don't have to drink everyday to be considered an alcoholic.  How it affects you....if you can't stop at having just one or two drinks for example, or if you have blackouts and can't remember what you did the day after is another form of alcoholism.  Needing to drink every day is definitely a form of alcoholism.  It definitely sounds like your friend is in denial.  You could mention to him that you feel that his health is in jeporady, but only he can want to help himself.  It takes alot of courage and determine to overcome this disease.  I know that for a fact.  My father died at the age of 36 from alcoholism and my family tried for years and we had him in many programs, but he just could not overcome the desire or will power to stop.  I am 50 years old and I know for a fact that I could if I allowed myself to get in trouble with alcohol.  If I have more than 3 drinks at a time, I have blackouts and become deathly ill.... that is a form of alcoholism.  Try to encourage your friend to get help and "be there for him", but make him understand that he has to want to STOP!
677456
Sounds like you are a binge drinker. And yes that makes you an alcoholic. You need to go to AA.
556383
The amount that you are having is fine - it is sustained over drinking or binge drinking that are problems.\n\nGiven that you are not drinking alone (whihc is a sign of alcoholism) - it makes me think you don't have a problem.\n\nI also understand that your husband is worried - particularly if he used to do too much before and feels he needs to be different.  I actually believe that to protect children you need to show them drinking responsibly rather than just avoiding it altogether.\n\neg taking children to the pub for a meal and having a small drink.\n\nThey will then learn that it is OK and not something secret, forbidden or exciting.\n\nMy parents used to give us watered down wine for our sunday lunch - that did more to put me off alcohol than being told I mustn't have any because it's bad (which would simply make me want to do it more).\n\nPerhaps the best course of action is to both (you as well, so he feels supported) head on a counselling course - it'll clear the air and help see that there is a middle ground to binging or abstinence. \n\nPersonally, I've let my daughter have a little taste (which she hated) - when she asked.  And then all the inquisitiveness disappeared from her.  But at least the topic's been broached - which'll make it easier when she gets older and wants to talk about it on a more serious level.
944223
Ask him.  Alcohol usually helps.
603880
Yes. My mother is bipolar, and she can be very aggressive anyways, and drinking increases the aggressive behavior. Not to mention the fact that bipolar people should be on regular medications, medications that do not mix well with alcohol. Make sure he is on his medications, ask him to stop drinking, suggest he makes an appointment with his psychiatrist. Perhaps you may join in on a session or two with him.