how can i tell ex husband of 9yrs that kids want no more to do with him?
365550
We really do not have enough information to answer this question. Is there abuse, neglect, or are they hearing things from each parent about the other? Sometimes in divorce, children say what they think they want the parent to hear, because they love them and want to make them happy.\nYou need to look closely at why your children are saying this. If it is because they are truly in danger or are being emotionally harmed while with their dad then, you don't have to say anything...........go through the courts.\nIf it is because they are just angry with Dad right now, then you need to talk to all of them about the importance of not avoiding conflicts. They need to approach it by using effective communication and compromise. Work it out and see if it gets better. \nIf they are saying it because they love you and think it is what you want to hear so that you feel better, then again you need to talk to them about the consequences that will occur if they never see Dad again.
900467
I'm divorced, with 2 kids of my own, that live with me, and I'll tell ya, until HE is right with himself, there is NOTHING you can do.  He has to figure out what the deal is himself.  And you may need to find an alternative.
1076682
First honey I want to commend you on changing your life!!! Next you deserve better, for yourself and for the kids. You never let a man belittle you and take your pride and dignity away. I know that you love him and yes it will hurt if you decide to leave him but sweetheart it hurts even more being there and putting up with his crap. Evidently he has no respect for the mother of his child because he's calling you out of your name. Always remember you deserve better and you don't have to tolerate it. LOVE yourself and those babies. Build your self-esteem up because it seems he's tearing it down. I have been up this road before and its no fun. You don't know why he treats you like this then ask him, but there is no excuse if he loves you.\n\nI can't sit here and tell you to leave him all I can say is follow your heart, do what you think is best for your life. If he can't let go of the past then he won't change you can't not change the past all you can do is continue to move forward.\n\nI wish you the best in life and whatever decision you make good luck. Keep your head up and continue to progress for yourself and the kids!!\n\nMuch Love!!
63838
Tell him just the truth... that you're going on with life and that he can't be your "partner" anymore, but he'll always be the kids' dad, and that the two of you need to get clear about that so you can keep doing right by the kids. Then keep writing him about the childrens activities, send pictures of the kids that you are not in, and simply don't reply to any romancing he tries to send your way...make the kids the focus of every letter.\nGood luck.
997971
O I know what you are going threw. My husband is the same way.He don't like it when i call my kids because he is afraid i will want to get back with my x.  Maybe try telling her that you love your kids and she can't stop you from talking to them.Let her know that it is your kids that you love not your x.
343393
Unfortunately I am going through a very similiar situation with my ex-wife.  We seperated a few years ago and she started by pulling a few shaningans like that off.  All I can suggest purely as one dad to another is to maintain the best contact that you can and when you do contact your children let them know you love them and always want to see them. \n\nMake it clear that if they were expecting you, that their mother must have made a mistake because you had not planned on being there that day, not because you do not love them but because you have work or necessary things to do.\n\nLegally stopping someone from slandering you with your children I dont believe is possible.  It is truly more of a question of guilt tripping your ex and explaining to her though her intentions are against you, they are more then likely more likely to harm the children.  Children with seperated parents that do not get along are more then likely to be involved in crime, or have poor grades in school as well as a plethora of other things.\n\nMost of all, I feel for you completely.  Maybe if it is possible file for custody?  If you can somehow accuse your ex while on the phone and record some admittance of slander the courts will surely find in your favor?\n\nFinal thought.  Do what is best for your kids forget about getting back at your ex or doing what she wants you to do (which is probably run away and never see the kids again).  Your kids need you in many ways, and writing to them constantly and contacting them VIA phone and visiting as often as possible are the best things.  Be so much a part of their lives she cannot lie to them.
944349
I'm not sure I would be willing to risk losing my children in the event that he decided to keep them.  And Ireland is way too far away for me to send my kids.  \n\nMaybe you should tell your ex that it's in the kids best interest for him to remain close for the next 9 years.
778530
This is what is known as alienation of affection and dereliction of husbands duties to his wife, family. Not that any of that matters in divorce court anymore but the differences are too far apart now to reconcile and save this marriage. It seems like he just doesnt really care no matter how much you threaten him to change so its time for some tough love. You just have to decide whether youre better off with or without him, but I sense youve already decided that. Divorce him before you start a new relationship so the kids can never blame you for cheating on dad in the future. Good luck
371852
there is no way you are going to leave and still keep the friendship . this man loves you and the kids ( that are not his) . you will some day wish you had stayed . good luck to ya ..
576835
I'm so sorry you are going through this.\nIf it were me, I would call the ex and his wife, letting them know you want to come for graduation. ask to speak to your child and get their input.. If the child wants you there, then go.. stay some distance from the ex and his wife.. \nwrite a letter to the judge asking to go to this event.. Don't break any laws or restraining orders, going to jail is not worth it. It may seem to be , but its not.\nI don't get along with my ex. and he is the one who chooses not to be in his kids lives...\nNot sure why you no longer have the kids, but you only graduate from high school once... try to go about this the legal way...\nI hope this helps and again I'm sorry you have to experience this..I wish you luck.....
602769
if he is controlling you need to leave. It is not good for you and  not good for the 3 kids.
976514
your kids will see in time what an idiot their father is being. dont curse him infront of the kids, rant to a friend, dont give your ex the attention he's craving by bringing up this matter, ignore it and be strong for your children. your new partner will have his own feelings about this matter, if he wishes to talk about it then get it out in the open, but avoid talking about this with the kids.
989355
Your child is still a child until age 18, and until then your ex can file contempt charges against YOU if your children do not go to him on his legal visitation dates.\n\nYou really ought to encourage them to go.  You'll be the one in legal trouble if they don't go.
1131300
He was cheating on you, and has made it clear he does not want to help with his kids either.  That will be his loss in years to come.  Your kids will admire you for what you have done for them, and hate him for not wanting to take care of them.  Do not badmouth him around the kids cause that will just make him look better.  Make sure you get child support, and if he wants to be involved with kids later on let them see him.  They will remember him not wanting them now, and he will have to answer to that.  Also get education, and get a really good job so you can make life better.
1006768
Absolutely not but it depends on what effects you anticipate the kids having because that's all up to how you handle to breakup and divorce in the first place.  If you and your husband are constantly fighting or your constantly miserable your kids already know that are are already being affected by it.  If you can't work things out and divorce is the only option then try as best you can to let the kids know that it has nothing to do with them but you understand that the consequences of your decision will effect them and your hoping to make that as easy on them as possible.  I was lucky.  My ex and I were able to salvage the respect we'd had for each other in such a way that we do share the kids and the kids don't feel torn.  It took time but now he and I are even able to enjoy each other's company now like we'd lost the ability to before the divorce.  We're no longer lovers, or in love, but we worked hard to retain some of the friendship we shared and our kids know and appreciate that.  NUMBER 1 RULE:  At all cost try not to belittle their father in front of them.  NUMBER 2 RULE:  Don't compare them to their father when they've done something you don't approve of.  Last, if at all possible, get your husband to go with you to discuss the terms of divorce and agreements regarding the kids with a counselor or mediator rather than a lawyer.  Then when it reaches the point of going to court you can both tell your lawyers this is what we want.  Don't let them play one against the other as they are prone to do.
421609
I'm with you in the same boat, maybe worse!  My ex's bimbo is set to the fact that their was NO life before her and HER kids - my ex and I had a son, who is now 8, and she won't allow him into THEIR house, and he allows her to treat him like that.  They do things with HER kids, and neglect our son.  She's a B**** in CAPS
139423
Tell the kids it is not their fault for the divorce.Just be there for them to listen.\nAs a teacher you will be surprised how many kids come to you just to vent out.\nJust listen and don't judge !