(Married bisexual and flusterated) What can I do?
356271
Im sure he would be very open to the idea of you having amorous encounters with other women. It would probably be arousing to him. Kill two birds with one stone.
909724
Yes dear - of course you can - I've been telling women on this site about this very same issue - but they seem reluctant to believe that probably many of their 'straight' husbands are doing the same thing when they are out!  So, the sooner these women realize that this is nothing to do with homosexuality the better!\n\nGood luck
220052
sorry to hear you let it get that far, i'm sure you are too. normally, i would say talk to your mate. but in this instance i would have to say you need to figure out in your head and heart what you really want and get you priorities worked out. your children are the ones who would really suffer for your indiscretions. i'm sure that is not what you want. but if your husband finds out, i don't think he'll be very understanding or forgiving. i wouldn't. but if you wan to save your marriage, then i would focus entirely on my husband and my marriage and making him happy. kiss butt, in other words. secretly, of course. one day, if you feel your marriage is strong enough, then you can tell him. the only thing that is going to help is your conscience. honestly, you may learn a bigger lesson by having to carry this secret and not burden your husband with what you did. sorry.
66993
what heterosexual identifying people don't realize is, if you ae asking this question, you are not straight...\n\nbut that's really no big deal.\n\nif you love your husband and your relationship is working, you can enjoy learning this new thing about yourself without messing up a good thing.\n\nif you guys have a good friendship, you could probably let him in on your little secret.  you might be surprised at how fun scoping together can be.\n\nstill, remember that loving relationships are so much more than sexual.  if you love yourself and you don't fear what's inside of you, you won't feel the urge to betray the one you love!
925280
I can totally relate to where you're coming from. I am also happily married to an amazing guy who sounds a lot like your husband - attractive, sweet, dependable. Yet I sometimes think about other guys I've been with (even brief relationships from back in high school!) or develop big crushes on guys I meet (see my latest post for details). \n\nI can also give you advice as someone who has followed her feelings and tried to "have it all" and the cake, too. A few years ago, I had a very brief affair - which I then confessed to my husband (also detailed in an earlier post). I was very fortunate that he forgave me, and now almost 4 years later we have a child together. The thing is, the affair totally wasn't worth it. Not only did I hurt my husband, who has been my best friend for 10 years, but I went through an emotional hell (and a deep depression).\n\nI can see a lot of similiarities in our situations because I am religious also. That can cause even more angst when these sexual feelings arise, because you feel so much guilt from them. What I've come to recognize is that the feelings are normal, but you just need to be careful not to act on them. It's OK to think about other people from time to time, to fantasize as long as you don't start spending all your energy wanting it to come true. \n\nIn your case, since you've been with this other guy in the past, it would be really easy to fall into it again. My advice is to stay away from him. Enjoy the memories of the exciting sexual moments you've shared in the past, and remember that you're an attractive person to other guys. Use it to boost your confidence and feel good about yourself, just don't act on it. Hope that helps! :-)
360018
Aside from the standard knee-jerk "eeewww" type reactions you received, there was some good advice given.\n\nI'll add my 2 cents.\n\nI doubt that your husband finds you boring in bed. My wife and I consider our swinging adventures to be extended foreplay, not a replacement or a "spicing up". By the way - 5 times a week! Your husband is my hero! :}\n\nThe very first thing you need to know is that just because you attend a swinger's event, there is NEVER any requirement that you participate in ANY type of sexual activity with ANYONE.\n\nThe golden rule in the swinger's world is that "No Means No", if you are asked to do anyuthing that makes you feel uncomfortable just say no, and almost everyone will thank you and drop it. If you get annoyed by someone who decides that if they pester you enough you will give in - immediately go to the host of th eparty and tell them - I'll guarantee that the annoyer will be warned to stay away from you and thrown out if he/she continues to annoy you.\n\nThe other thing you need to know about swinger's events is that you have to prepare yourself for sexually frank conversations - it is really quite ordinary for a near-total stranger to approach, engage you in conversation for a moment and then ask you what you like sexually. Don't be offended, they are simply trying to learn if your wants are compatible with theirs. \n\nIf you are uninterested, simply thank them and tell them you are not interested.\n\nNext. You and your husband need to have a LOT of discussion before and after the event. You need to develop code words and signals to let each other know that you are interested, that you are not interested, that you need to talk, and "HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!". As an example, one of the code phrases my wife and I use is "Hey I need a cigarette" - that means "I want to talk to you" and one of our rules is that when one of us uses that phrase - no matter what the other one is doing - we stop and go talk things over.\n\nYou will also need to develop non-verbal signals, you may be in a non-smoking environment for example, so "I need a cigarette" won't work, one of our non-verbal signals is a quick double squeeze which means "Let's talk".\n\nYou will need to include rule setting in your discussion.\n\nRules are CRITICAL for enjoyment and avoiding stress and jealousy.\n\nPlease review the articles on how to set and manage rules effectively located at:\nhttp://www.swinglesonline.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=1\n\nIf you cannot agree on rules, you are not ready to become swingers.\n\nGood luck, have fune and play safe!
364474
well hun its who u are u cant just shut it off believe me i tried. talk to your hubby see if he would be willing to let u see a girl. be honest with him. \n\ncongrats on being bi and admitting it.
594840
start getting in to things that you have always wanted to do and coudn't while you were married. it will help you alot faster and move on with your new live.you can do any thing you want to do now. just have fun with the thing you choose to do. and who knows you may find love again that if you want that. good luck.
401297
Sweetie, without knowing what you two have tried in the past, it is difficult for anyone to know what to suggest. Since I, myself am a bi-woman who has been in a relationship with the same woman for about 6 months now, let me suggest what we do. Sometimes we will go to a sexy underwear store and check each other out with different new things on until we are so hot for each other that we have to leave. Maybe go to an adult store and get some kinky ideas there. Into s&m? Spanking? Bondage? Maybe get a new toy or two. Definately get some fantasy magazines. Sometimes we "park" in a secluded place and make-out like teenagers. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping together? How about camping? It is so refreshing to "get back to nature". Find some sleepingbags that zip together. Be creative, hon. Even on a tight budget you could go to the grocery and pick up a few cans of whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and some cherries, Then make a girl sundae out of each other before eating each other up. YUMMY. Have fun and enjoy.
1033687
Hi Hmy ... I read your other questions and it's obvious that you husband isn't monogamous or intends not to stay that way. The only reason why you'd be  putting up with this  is because\nof low self esteem.   You don't think you deserve any better and  are desperate not to be alone.  Perhaps at the moment you don't deserve any better. Think of what you can do to change that.. \n\nMake what ever changes you need to feel better about yourself.  It could be education,  work, even volunteer work. Whatever it is you probally should spend a lot less time here.
887990
Listen more than you talk. Be of good moral character. Don't cheat on your wife with your gay lover.
887360
After 36 years of marriage i guess i am just about qualified to answer you. It is a hard road to travel.. believe me!! you have to work at staying married for this long. It is not all sweetness and light as there have been times when i have wanted to just pack up and go but i have a deep sense of responsibility to my family, even though our kids are all grownups now.My wife has no doubt felt the same at times. So the answer is..Think about what you are going to do, before you do it and consider what effect it might have on your other half. Tell her that you love her often and show it!! Flowers and little treats work wonders. Keep your lust alive as sex is important even as you get older. It is the best way of communicating your love for each other. Do not have secrets that might hurt the other one. Be truthful. Make time for each other, hold hands when you walk out together. Sneak a kiss in public. Look after each other and always back each other up. I could go on and on but i am sure that you get the idea. I am 61 and she is 56. We still sleep together  sharing a double bed. Like I say,love, lust, hard work and consideration are important as is being freinds as well.
279374
Well ive never been threw it but ill be more then happy to give you my 2 cents with out calling you a slut, i think part of it is your husbands fault for not making sure you have what you need, now i know alot of people are going to scream for me saying that but its the truth, in a marriage part of our job is doing everything possible to make sure our partner is getting everything we need from them emotionally or sexually. Thats just the way it works for a healthy marriage, The only bit of advice i could give you not being actually in that situation is to eather pick on or the other, i can see you feeling even more torn when your feelings for this other guy are fostered even more and you cant act on it, not to mention the emotional and sexual frustrations that can easily bring. I can understand why you turned to this other man for support you wernt getting at home. But i can only see you hurting yourself in the long run if you dont cut ties with one of them. That is unless you totally dont love your husband anymore and your just in it for everything youve envested on a tangable level that you dont want to lose. But honestly do you think if you bumped this relationship up with this other guy you would be able to continue this double life, i hate to label it that way but thats the only thing i can think of to call it right off the top of my head, but i think you understand where im coming from. You need to set a game plan in your head on where you want to go in life if things with this other guy keep developing, what happens if this guy says ok ill chuck my marriage will you chuck yours? what if he talks about you guys meeting and making a full flaired affair? What if your husband finds out about whats going on how will you respond? How will your husband? Im not saying i know what you should do or what you need to do, but if i were you i would get a clear picture of what i wanted from your husband or from this other guy. Do you think there would be a possiblity you would be more happy in your marriage if your husband started to work with you on your problems with the marriage? Do you think there is any hope for you marriage now? Do you think your husband is doing the same thing you are on some sort of level? IF he was how do you feel about it? I think you need to ask yourself these kinds of questions and in deep deep detail figure out what you want to do, i dont think anyone in here can really answer those kinds of questions and give you any much more of a clear picture then you seriously thinking about this i wish you all of luck and i really hope you get something figured out on this *HUGS*
421897
DON'T  do anything!! hoepfully you have not acted on these feelings, but if you have, you need to come clean with your husband. Sit down and talk with him and tell him how you are feeling,and what made you go out side of your marriage. I am telling you now, it is not going to be an easy task. But there is always hope. Pray about this situation and ask the Lord to restore your marriage.\nDon't Let the Green Gress fool You!!
398973
Buy a house.\nMy wife's hobby is doing things around the house she can do and making lists of things we need to take care of she isn't capable of alone. Mine is executing those jobs on the list only I can do. In our free time we tackle jobs from the list we both are capable of. We also spend a lot of time in the bedroom. Actually, now that the kids are grown and gone, ANY room we feel like...\n\nBut then, we might be considered wierd. After 30 years of marrige we still find each other incredibly sexy. We like spending time together and have our "causes" we support. Both of us are passionate about children's rights. We have been foster parents for 17 years and are on about every child care panel in existence.  We also teach parenting and alternative discipline classes together for our state's Dept. of H&W and I am on various boards and am the governor's appointment to our state's Children's Trust Board from our district.\n\nAnd, oh yes. In my spare time I also am writing my second book. And am public relations director for my Shrine Center. (you know, we support the free hospitals for kids)\n\nAnd when we're home, in the evenings we sit out on our deck in the spa and sip wine or tea or maybe hot chocolate with cinnamon schnapps. Yes, naked...
809991
although sex is pleasurable....continue to do what you wanna do! if you guys are comfortable without sex then so be it! just continue being happy in your marriage! don't let other people tell you about YOUR marriage! YOU and HIM are married not everyone else, so their comments on YOUR MARRIAGE shouldn't matter.
276699
Sit him down and tell him seriously.  Don't listen to these clowns and make it sound like you're on the bi bandwagon and cheap and sleazy.  Chances are he'll be into it, but if you tell him gently there'll be less a chance of him being shocked and feeling slighted.  AFTER you've told him gently and the two of you have talked about it like mature adults then y'all can have fun.  Good luck!