My husband is so passive that were losing our marriage.........?
360946
Is he really passive or is he really easily overwhelmed? He may not really like chaos, but not really have the balls to do what needs to be done. Since he's comfortable with you, you're the "target" for his anger over things being out of his comfort zone. Just a thought.\n\nMethinks that he's the type that you will not miss if he really does walk away. Really... If he's passive or passive-aggressive, then he needs to work out some issues without you there to do the heavy lifting. You don't want to be his crutch. Let him know that your life will go on individually if he cannot make himself fight for it with you. After all, One person rowing the boat with the other person just sitting on their side not rowing just makes the boat go in circles.
139897
Marriage is a big decision.  Perhaps your fight has caused him to reexamine the relationship.  This is a good thing -- if more people slowed down and examined their relationships to determine whether or not they were compatible before jumping into marriage, we might have a lower divorce rate.  What he is doing is being cautious and you can't fault him for that.  He still cares for you.  He just wants to make sure you are the one.
174229
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
353795
well fist off he may have realized what he did to his wife was wrong. that should have been enough to send him running from your cheating ass! you both are dirty rotten cheating ass*holes. your spouses are to good for you guys. go home and treat the man you married better.
134499
About your marriage?  It could be that he just got cold feet.  Have you tried asking him about it.  Maybe he is worried that he cannot support you.
937593
i would talk to him and explain your feelings. My husband and I used to play fight and when things gor out of hand I think he thought I was able to handle the come back, because I was willing to play. Men often forget how strong they are. Once I explained to my husband he was hurting me everything changed.
428596
If you love him find a way to work this out  get counciling if necessary but stop the fighting.  Life is so very short and you have a lot less time to be together than you might think.  \n\nMy husband died 4 months ago and I regret ever moment spent angry and argueing I would give anything, do anything to be able to have an arguement with him.  If you love forget the rest and hold on to each other while you still have the chance.  You will not care one bit if you bowed down to him alive once that man dies and leaves you a brokenhearted widow.
232063
I agree...you have been brave...however...most men do not do well with ultimatums so you might lose him.  HOWEVER if it's really meant to be, he will come back after a while, once he realizes how much life sucks without you.  If he doesnt, sit back and be happy that you're not wasting anymore time on someone who's not willing to be with you the way you need and want.  \nI live by this:  \n\nIf you love something, set it free\nIf it comes back to you...it's yours\nIf not, it never was.\n\nI am currently in a very very similar situation...so I truly do understand what you feel like.  e-mail me if you wanna chat melissakct@yahoo.com\n\nAs for some of the mean rude answers you recieved...ignore them.  Men do not only cheat for no-strings attached sex, perhaps he simply made a mistake when he got married and now realizes it.  It's only natural for him to see what else is out there before getting a divorce as divorce is a painful expensive process.  Perhaps assisting him in his affair is not the most moral thing we could do...but I don't think you did anything wrong.  And just b/c he cheated on her...does not mean he will cheat on you.  It all depends on his state of mind when entering the affair.  If he truly stopped loving his wife (very very possible) and already emotionally left the marriage...chances are he will not cheat again.  Only you know the answer to that. \n\nHope to hear from you.
663772
It sounds like you are very unhappy in your marriage. You need to find a lawyer. You have to be sure you are happy in this relationship - not just him. Good luck. I hope you find happiness.
818888
I agree, it's very crazy that so many men cheat when their wives are pregnant. If they didn't want us in that condition, they should have kept a wrapper on it. \n\nSeek counseling. Passive aggressive behavior can be a real problem for some people, and in extreme cases, they turn violent during their "aggressive" phases. You don't ever want things to go that far where he might take out his insecurities on you, your son, or your new baby. In addition, his infidelity isn't something you are going to get over easily. It will take a long time, and a lot of work on his part, to re-build what he so carelessly threw away. A professional can help you both work through these issues, whether it's a clergy member, a psychiatrist, a licensed therapist, or whatever you choose. It doesn't really matter as long as you both are open and honest, the person can help you to find a way to get back what you two are missing.
698362
Seeing that your husband is at fault an open conversation is the only way you could hope to change this situation, that's if you and your marriage are important enough for him to be willing to participate! It could be worth a try, especially if perhaps he's not aware of your unhappiness. \n\nIf he is not willing to listen to reason, then a tempory separation might do the trick for both of you. It will not only give you a break, but also a chance to decide if you really want to go on with your marriage. And maybe it will give him time to get his act together! \n\nI hope it helps a bit. Be strong and don't let him run you over!
1117431
It sounds to me that he just needs time to think things through and that is ok. Let him think and give him his space to do so. Yes you should call him to say you are sorry and ask him for forgiveness but at the same time dont bug and pressure him! Give him the space and time that he needs. Dont pressure him or nag him. Just pray for him and trust God for your marriage. May I suggest the book the power of a Praying Wife to you by Stormie Ormartian. It is a great book and they sell it at Walmart. Since he wants his space you take time to think things through too and try to change yourself and learn from your mistakes and learn how to become the wife you need to be for him. I am here if and when you need to talk. I understand why you are confused and hurt but so is he. Why don't you try to find a person or counselor to talk with and also ask him if he is open to going to a marriage counselor with you. See if he wants to work on the marriage or stay apart for a while. But do what he says and wait till Saturday afternoon. Respect him for this and give him this time and he will love you for it. Hope this helps some. I hope things get better for you and your marriage soon. Here comes hugs your way today.\nhttp://www.marriagetoday.org
221644
If he's ignoring ou maybe he's decided that he loves his wife. You know, felt marital obligation, that kind of thing. Just you know......move on. Your not in love with him right?
541280
I really think you guys need to sit down and talk.  Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.  trust me, not talking is worse. My husband and I never talked about our feelings, and if your on here a lot you know my situation. If not, after 20yrs. of marriage, I'm looking at DIVORCE.
456494
He may have lost attraction to you... sad to say. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.... you're having his kids for crying out loud!!! Personally, I would love my wife even more during that period, however, a lot of men arent like that. It probably has something to do with the weight you have gained from both pregnancies. You need to talk to him about your feelings and your concerns. Maybe marriage counseling would help... if you are both opened minded to that. You are going through a hard time now, physically, emotionally and all. I wish he was more supportive of you. Basically, dont take his selfishness and ignorance personal. You are doing a very important job right now and looks are secondary. Just my thought on the subject....\n\nCounselorDan
671743
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
388161
I wish I could tell you how to get him to listen.  He sounds like my late husband.  We were married for 40 years and he never really listened to me.  Once we were at a marriage counselor and I talked for about 5 minutes about how my husband didn't listen to me.  Then the counselor looked at my husband and said "what do you have to say about that"  and my husband responded "I wasn't listening"\nso going to a marriage counselor doesn't always work either.\n\nIn the end I began to think that my husband was frustrated by other people in his life and took it out on me.  He couldn't ignore his boss.  He couldn't tell his co-workers that they didn't know what they were talking about so he came home and did it to me.\n\nThe really bad part is that I came to believe that I was stupid and incompetent.  I put too much value in the way that he treated me. \n\nI took course on how to communicate.  I was told that I shouldn't say you did whatever but I should say I feel whatever.  He turned this against me and told me I was self-centered and I believed him.\n\nSo I can't tell you how to make him listen or how to communicate with him, but I can tell you that you must guard against feeling that something is wrong with you.