Do i lack confidence/self-esteem?
374968
Yes, I'd say you are shy and lack self-confidence.  I know what you mean because I tend to be this way too.  People often think you are unfriendly, when you really are just shy.  At least try to give a shy smile, to let them know you are friendly!  ;)\n\nSomething which has helped me is to make a switch in my mind from myself to the other person/people.  Do not focus on yourself but on them.  Have you ever thought about what you think in your own mind when you encounter other people?\nSome people think, "What can I get from this person?"  Some think, "What does this other person think of me?"  Or any other various things, but we always are thinking something.  What is helpful is to think, "What can I do for this other person?"  Think "What can I do for you?"\n\nI make this switch quickly and easily by simply saying to myself, "You, not me."\n\nYou will be amazed how well this can work, because then you are not self-conscious.
1046743
Sounds like deep seated feelings of inadequacy... this usually passes with time... we all go through a phase in our adolescence when we doubt ourselves, self confidence comes with age and experience for most people. I myself had an epiphany while reading a book by a man named Richard Feynman, entitled "So what do you care what other people think?" and I just 'got over it'. When you stop caring what others think about you it is a very liberating feeling, you should look forward to it. Best of luck.
319270
Dear, I used to have low self-esteem over my weight too. I ballooned like a hot air balloon when I was a little younger.\nIt mattered so much to me because I was worried what others might think of me, that others would laugh at me and looked badly at me.\nIt mattered that I had a crush on one of my classmates once - I never told him nor took it any further than just treating him like eye candy and a good way to get motivated for school and my studies, but I was so self-conscious whenever I was around him I tried to basically time and 'control' every move I made, everything I said according to how I'd be perceived by others.\n\nAs a result of that, I became like a clown. Do you know why? Because instead of letting my inner beauty and personality shine (which many of my friends have complimented me about - isn't it a suggestive hint?), I made myself like a sideshow freak, doing whatever I thought would gain the approval of the people around me, to gain their acceptance. I even tried to go on a diet, not because I wanted to lead a healthy lifestyle, but because I thought he'd prefer a slimmer girl!\nLater, a year or two later, I became frustrated with what I was doing. Before this crush, I had been self-conscious of myself, but I was also a loner and an extreme introvert who went everywhere alone and did everything alone. Because of that, I never had to 'pretend' to anything or anyone as there was nothing to pull a facade to!\nThat freedom was very fulfilling in a sense. But I wanted to have a small network of friends I could rely on too, and as I matured I realised that keeping completely to myself and shutting myself out from the rest of the world wasn't going to do me any good in the future.\nSorry for digressing, as I was saying, I felt so frustrated, what was I doing? It was so exhausting to just go around pretending to be something I didn't want to be! Hell, if I wanted to say 'screw you' to someone I didn't like what should be stopping me? Because I don't want to look 'bad' in front of others, or because it's impolite?\nInstead of focusing on what others think, try to focus on yourself.\nWhen I became less self-conscious, and slowly, (don't have to rush it, do what's comfortable for you), added more of my own personality, myself, to show everyone, did you know what happened?\nI realised that others thought I was "cool" despite being a little chubbier, because I was nice, but I had my own attitude, my own 'thing' going. That people admired, because that's the same shackles (being self-conscious and having low self-esteem) many of them are stuck in!\nI made more friends. I knew who were the good ones and the bad - usually they're the ones who stick by you in times of need and not hang around hoping that being around you would earn them brownie points with others.\n\nMy crush never confessed that he liked me, but close sources to him (I had lots of guy friends.. they help to infiltrate the 'guy world'. Most of the time, the guy world is men only. Even if they'd like to admit me in it'd break the rules cuz I'm a girl, haha :P) and myself leaked to me and it turned out he HAD developed a crush on me, but he was too shy.\nHe was a popular guy in the school.\nLater, he kept giving me glances, kept 'bumping' onto me during the strangest times (I was a weird kid. I hung around after school hours just 'haunting' the corridors, taking in the scenery from the balcony, thinking of new ideas to write a story or draw something, sat in the classroom after school to draw/study/write, etc. Very reclusive. But I enjoyed it.) because normally, after school hours, there'd be a stampede to get out of the school. AND he was never known to actually stay back for anything.\nHe found a zillion ways to talk to me and joke with me, and we became friends. He's still a friend, but of course, the old crush is gone
1011317
This is actually pretty common. A lot of people do this. It's not so much you're self-destructive, you're afraid of not meeting expectations. You need to be more in touch with yourself, see yourself as more than you do right now. Once you get that self-confidence up, you'll see you really do deserve a guy who worships you and adores you :)
907237
You just need to boost your own self confidence a bit. Think to yourself that you are more then worthy and the best thing out there. When you believe this there will be no problem.
161271
Confidence is something only you can determine. Being confident and feeling confident is two different things. Like say, if you wore a glamourous dress for prom night, you would most likely feel confident?..yes and no, It's up to you, you may be the prettiest girl, but if you think u're not, then there you are. But you may be wearing rags but at the same time have the confidence of a princess. Confidence is something only you can choose to have. Yes, there are times where circumstances make it hard for us to be confident. And one way to build confidence.. is everytime you look in the mirror, say something nice to yourself, make it a chore, every morning, say something nice to yourself, even if you don't feel like it, smile and say something nice to yourself, cause many times we don't realize it but we actually criticize ourselves a lot. Owh and be confident. Ask God to give you confidence, pray, and trust me, this is a sure way to be confident, cuz as we know, God will never deprive us of anything good and right for us. And if confidence is something you need, u can be sure God will give it to you. So when you pray, You can be sure you will have confidence, you may not feel confident immediately, but you just have to trust yourself and God that you are confident. Like for instance, maybe a real life story would make things a lil easier to understand. ( I used to be a person who had no confidence at all, due to many harsh circumstances, and because I thought I didn't have confidence, I shyed away from people, and because of that, people started not to talk to me, which made me lose even more confidence. Then one night, it struck me that God was always there for me, and He's nvr deprive me of anything good or right for me, so I asked God for confidence, being sure that God had given me confidence, I began to trust that I had confidence and talked to people, some ignored me, but some became my friends, and because of that I gained even more confidence." So all in all, what I'm trying to say is confidence starts in you, and all you need to do is to ask God to give you the confidence, then belive in yourself, and walah, You'll be a changed person. Owh and just soemthing to encourage you if hings don't happen in a snap, "It took me at least a year and a half to build back my confidence.".... so owh well, thats all for now... be confident !..
61699
Just try to make yourself stronger. don't think of poeple talkings much and improve your self confidence.\nI was like this when I was younger but I released being sensentive too much is not worth at all.
365628
Build up self confidence by always believing in your self. Laugh at your self when you know you have made some stupid mistakes. Act a little more slowly in carrying out any activity. People will definitely see a different you. They may even rate you a genius. Good luck.
522044
insecure.. no confidence in self.. maybe, i'm one of them.. =)
503961
A note about "self-esteem":\n\nTo anyone who's ever felt they suffer from "low self-esteem", I simply ask, Have you ever had an orgasm?  If you have, what was your opinion of your "self-esteem" during the orgasm?  Chances are, you had no opinion because you weren't thinking about anything at that moment.  Your mind was not engaged.  \n\nYour opinion of yourself, your self-image..."self-esteem" are all in your mind.  Just as you've "made up" one opinion of yourself, you can make up another one.  You've just been conditioned to operate from one opinion.  When your mind is not engaged in "routine thoughts", you are free to experience life.  How you "experience" yourself during an orgasm is much different than when you "think" about yourself.\n\nSo, to those with low self-esteem, I would suggest you have more orgasms.  Be meditative when you do so.  As you begin to drop the mind, so to will your low self-esteem drop.\n\nAs for the tendencies of many "believers", they operate from a perspective, a "conditioning" that their way is "right" and everyone else's is wrong.  Then, many are taught to either convert the "non-believers" or attack them, usually in that order.  If they truly practiced "love", then they'd know that love does not conquer.  "Love" is unconditional.  That means love does not place any conditions on giving itself.  \n\nI wish you Peace.
978721
Well your obviously seriously lacking self-esteem, which means that you need to start building some. Here is a magic trick with socializing... 90% of the time, if you have complete confidence in yourself as you are saying something, people will simply see you as cool simply based on your attitude and the way that you carry yourself. But the biggest weapon of all is to not even worry about how others judge you so much. \n   Maybe you didnt say the coolest thing in comparison to the other hotshots around you, and maybe you dont have the latest athletic shoes or the newest video game, but it doesnt matter. Most of the men and women within our American society are heavily influenced by the latest fad or the newest trend. You have a champion within yourself, and you need to locate it. Find self confidence by discovering something that you are passionate about, and then challenge yourself daily. Let the other chumps follow a trend, you will follow your dreams. \n   When you find self-confidence, you really wont care what others think of you, and you will naturally attract people and convince them that you are a "cool" person. Good luck.
125089
Varies by the person. The best way to raise self-esteem is to try to focus on the things you like about yourself. Keep any compliments you receive in mind too as that will help you feel a little better about yourself. The more you focus on the good, the less you will look for the bad. Unfortunately, it's not an easy issue to fix, but focusing on being happy should help. As for a timeline...depends on the state of self-esteem to begin with and ability to cope and adapt. I wasn't too bad, but was very shy because I always felt stupid. Instead of pushing that out I just accepted it and now use it as a way to make people laugh. It only took a month for there to be a noticeable improvement in my self-esteem. And I always felt better. But it took 3 years for me to be practically entirely comfortable with myself. I hope that helps, if not I apologize.
689693
Confidence is a mental thing.  I had the opposite problem, I was insanely skinny, and had no muscle on my body.  Even after I got rip and cut, I still didn't have confidence.  What helped me, is that I took up interests the helped develop me as a person.  For example, I took on karate.  It was hard for me to pick up, but once I got into a rhythm I felt better about myself.  Also, I stopped putting myself down, and tried to look at everything in a positive light.  For example, when things didn't work out for me in anything, I just realized I needed to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot.  Finally, NEVER STOP LEARNING.  Try to learn something new every day if you can.  Read newspapers, magazines, keep up with current events, etc.  If you pick hobbies that will develop you, look at the positive, and constantly try to learn about the world around you, you will develop more confidence in who you are.  I wish you well!
660734
Of course! Everyone is attracted to confidence and when you take a leap and make a move, you exude confidence! Listen to that little voice inside and hurry up! Best of luck to you!
1147988
dont think shyness is some kind of shortcoming in ur personality.it looks beautiful on a gal.but no doubt,it shouldnt be in excess.if u feel its so,start facing the people around you.speek to them but only in ur confidence limits so that u dnt keep thinking afterwards that u did some blunder.that wud hamper ur confidence next time.take out from ur mind that u really have some reason to feel shy b4 others.if u have some complex,remove it coz u r unique n no one is like u.when u go out, be in active mood.keep thinking about the things around u .analyze them.dnt think how do u look but look at other things and people that how they look n what do they convey.that will keep ur mind and body busy in thinking smthing productive.automatically ur appearance will look smart n confident coz ur body manifests ur mind.think good look good.\nall the best
142073
You gain confidence by believing in your abilities.  By succeeding in things you do.  They don't have to be big things, little victories count too. What qualities do you possess that others admire? Make a list if you like.  \n\nIf you can see yourself succeeding, your confidence will grow. Put yourself in a position to succeed in whatever you do.  Good luck!
1090714
Have some confidence in ur self,u shouldn't need to ask people what they think ,what do u care suppose someone said u were an ugly skank and they wouldn't date u.Would u be upset?If u r happy with the way u look then urs is the only opinion u need