This is for those in the US Army.especially married service men/women..Advice?
362794
There's room for anyone in good shape.  I was in recently but was medically discharged before I could go to Iraq unfortunately.\n\nFirst of all, when you talk to the recruiter, ask him about something called the "trail blazer" during basic training.  They change the name occasionally.  It basically involves being able to max out the AIT PT test at day 1.  You want to do that.\n\nSince you're married, you'll probably want to get a non-combat MOS.  (Although I took a combat MOS because I'm married) Try for something along the lines of supply clerk, mechanic, or something of the like.  Don't worry if you aren't trained, they'll teach you everything.  Mortician is a messy and unpleasant job, but if you can handle, it usually has a great signing bonus.  DO NOT GO 88M!  Those are truck drivers.  They have the highest mortality rate in Iraq and they need everyone they can get.  It sound good and easy, but it's not cool.\n\nSigning bonuses are paid after AIT, as much as 6 months later depending on the MOS.  Married people should stay away from counter intelligence since that could keep you away 10 months out of the year, but it's my number one suggestion for single people.\n\nJust so you know, Basic Training is all about messing with your mind.  When you get on base, just turn your personality off for about 3 or 4 months.\n\nInjuries in the Army.  The Army is mean on this one.  If you get injured during anytime you get handed your orders and taken to the airport and the end of AIT, THEY WILL TRY to pass it off as a prior injury, no matter how stupid.  I saw guys getting general discharge on collapsed arches.  Not a pleasant thing, but I did see an honorable on a hernia.\n\nWell, the first few months are hell, after that, it's sweet.  It's good job, you're taken care of, and if you learn well, you have plenty of potential.  If you go to Iraq, you can still get free college there.  And you should take every opportunity for college credits possible.  A degree means eligibility for officer training and a good position in the army.\n\nAnd finally, make sure you fill out the paper work correctly.  Take your time, especially when calculating income.  Being married, I made more than the lieutenant as a PVT.\n\nIt's a good life, but it is the Army and the Army is about war.  For some reason a bunch of kids these days forget that when they sign the papers.  They think about travel and college and easy money and forget that it's about fighting.\n\nWell, I encourage it and wish you luck.
1075939
Deployments never get easier.  My husband is now looking at his 3rd deployment to Iraq, and I feel the same way I did when we got news of the 1st one.  I know when he does deploy, the first couple months will be the hardest, and then I will get back into my routine of being a single mother again, waiting faithfully for his call or a chance to IM and see him on the web cam.  \nJust keep yourself surrounded by positive people, other military wives, and your FRG.  \nIt is a given, as soon as he deploys something always happens at home, the car breaks down, the washing machine quits on you, the kids get sick, ( my sons appendix ruptured 3 days after my husband deployed last time).  Remember that you are not alone.\nIf you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me anytime.\nGOD BLESS OUR TROOPS
526743
It is an interesting experience. My husband and I have been together for only 3 years and we are on our second deployment. He is currently serving in Iraq. Be proud because your husband is doing something truly great. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.
466018
it depends on you, as a former Navy man i can tell you that it's not easy when the husband/boyfriend is deployed for months at a time, i've also seen the cheating on both ends (her at home and him in the field).....your relationship has to be strong or it's not going to work, and even then there is always a chance that one of you will stray when the strain gets to be unbearable
1064856
I'm an army wife, and I think that AF would probably be better for a family man.  The army (depending on MOS of course) has very long deployments, long hours, and a lot of time away from the family-- I've heard that it's not so much like this in the AF.  \nAs far as I know, all branches deploy, and there are varying levels of danger in each job, in each branch. For people to automatically assume that one branch is more dangerous, more worthy, better... it's completely ridiculous and totally untrue.  All of the military branches have a purpose, and I think that the various branches would fail if the other ones weren't there.  Make sense? \nThe trash talking you hear is all pretty much good natured, from what I can tell-- almost like rival sports teams in a fun league.  We have friends in all branches, and the trash talking that goes on between them is unbelievable sometimes, but it's all in fun.  They know that they are working basically for the same employer and purpose, and would protect each other with their lives if need be.\nAlso, please make sure that you know exactly what you're getting into with the military.  A lot of families thrive in this lifestyle, but the divorce rate is really high because of all of the stressors that civilian familes don't have.  For example.. imagine deployment.  You go to work one day, and come back a year or more later.  You end up missing everything in that time, from births to deaths to anniversaries to holidays.  It is very difficult, and requires a lot of adjustment on not only your part, but also from everyone in the family.  If you can, talk to not only a recruiter, but also people who have served or are serving in the branches that you are considering.  They can probably give you a good idea of what to realistically expect.\nMake sure that you talk to your wife too.  Even though she won't be the one signing the papers or receiving the paycheck, this decision will affect her greatly.  There's a lot to think about with this... please take the time to make the decision for you and yours.  Good luck!
764584
B4 my husband and I got married he was still talking/writting (really sweet emails) to his ex who cheated on him....I found out accidentally...anyway....I wanted to leave...he started begging and crying....so I stayed...like an idiot and even married him....bad mistake...he still talks to a different ex, whom he sends money to...(my hard earned money)....I am about to divorce him...and he did that crying crap again...I told him to F... off! oh and he is in the military...wonder what they do during deployments???...well some of them anyway.\n\nso yes it hurts...because I trusted him not to cheat on me....and we have 2 lil babies....anyway...they are better off without him....since he doesn't have time for them...I can conquer the world...I am smart and educated and can look after the well being of my babies....and he can go ahead and catch a STD..who cares...lol!!!  All the best!
445213
My husband was deployed for 14 months so I know what you are going through. Thank goodness my husband is home now and I wish your husband a safe and quick return also. You can e-mail me at thetravelingmartins@yahoo.com. I will be more than happy to talk with you. I few suggestions to make the time pass are send your husband a care package every week or every other week. Take a calendar and put an X through each day that has passed by. Use the time to discover more about yourself. E-mail me and I will give you some ideas of what you can send him to show that you care for him. Trust me, your husband will appreciate this. Many of my husband's friends came home from Iraq and discovered that their wives had left them and taken all of their money. Anyways, I hope this helps.\n\nNote- to the person who wrote about the FRG. Not every FRG is a good group. Mine was nothing but a gossip and husband bashing group.
10851
My husband was in the Marines when we first were married and was deployed for six months. To make it even harder I was pregnant with our first child. I know how empty your world feels right now. Just try to keep your self busy. Write often and talk on the phone when you can. I used to send calling cards with each care package. I also sent a video about half way through the deployment. I just recorded any special events that he would be missing i also went to the beach and taped a sun set for him, since the beach was a special place for us. Anything you can think of to keep the connection strong. Best of luck to you and a special thanks to your husband for his service to our country.
1151474
yep!!\nmarried for 3 yrs, were in the army, my hubby is in Iraq right now for a year..I love being a military wife. I wouldn't have it any other way..(except the part of them having to go to Iraq)
735460
Okay first of all you don't really get any extra money while he is in boot camp.  You don't get housing allowance.  Why don't you plan your wedding during his leave after boot camp?  Then you will have more time to plan the wedding you want.  As far as your age, marrige is hard....its hard at any age.  I married at 20 after being together almost 6 years and my husband enlisted when I was 21.  Being a military wife adds much more stress to a marrige than most cilivian marriages.  Being a military, you will learn to become very independent and you will figure out all military system as you go.  Ask questions and be a good listener and you will do well as a military spouse.  Oh, and we have been happily married for 5 years now and going through our 2nd depolyment!    Good luck!
198455
My wife is deployed. It' a little different for a husband most of the support groups in my area say they are for wifes. It's lonely not to maention we have 2 small girls so It's also scary knowing that I am all they have for now. I just write or E-mail daily and count the weeks till Oct. when she gets home.
232255
To join the military is a big adjustment period.  Let alone with a child already.  First you have to realize that there isn't one job in the Army where you can say 100% that you will not deploy.  Now deploying means anywhere from Kosovo to Iraq.  I have two children of my own.  I didn't have any when I joined.  Due to training, Temporary Duty in places where I'm not stationed, and Deployments I have missed both child births, both first steps, and both first words.  Is it hard?  Of course.  Is it worth it?  I believe it is.  Now also realize I'm an Active Duty soldier.  When I deploy it involves a lot of training before hand which means weeks away from home and long hours before I'm gone for a year.  For NG and Reservists deploying means "mobing" at an Army base for up to 6 months followed by a year long deployment.  As far as the push ups and the climbing goes. Ask your boyfriends father to teach you the correct push up form and start working on it before hand.  The minimum you have to reach by the end of training is 40 pushups, I believe, for the age group you're in.  Basic Training is hard but not impossible.  When things get hard just remember that you aren't the first female to go through it and you won't be the last.  I'm also an Army Brat.  My dad served two tours in Vietnam as well as Panama, Somalia, Bosnia, and the first gulf war.  I'm extremely proud of him and he helps me in my current carrier when I have leadership challenges.  Your boyfriends dad may or may not tell you what you want to hear.  He has a tough job though and I couldn't really blame him.  However my recruiter worked for my dad at one point so I got straight answers.  Ask him and when he tells you see how it makes you feel.  This is a decision you have to make for yourself.  You are responsible for raising your child and if this is the best way you can then go for it.  Is it better for a child to have a homeless family who's there all the time or a taken care of home who's parents are gone for periods at a time?  Granted that there are in betweens but I hope this kinda puts things in perspective.
1086580
Well, OF COURSE there is hope.  There is also a huge amount of work and effort ahead of the two of you.  Did you move to Germany with the military by any chance ?  \n\nIn any case, he is working and you are in a foreign country which - unless you ARE on a military base  - pretty much precludes you from working too.,  (If you are on a base, go to the Civilian Personnel Office and sign up for the spouse sprefernce jobs.)  Now you need to find some things to fill your time while he works.  That would serve two pruposes: 1) you would be more fulfilled in your own right and 2) there would be less pressure on him to "be" the whole of your life.  Right now it seems, with what little information you have provided, that you are relying on him to make you happy because you have nothing else to take up your time - he, on the other hand, is working and cannot be everything to you.\n\n(By the way, no husband should have to be "everything" to his wife, nor should any wife have to be everything to the husband.  You need to have a life of your own - something that interests you and expands you as a person - something that you bring to the marriage to improve the relationship yo have there.)\n\nIf you are a military spouse - and you can see that I strongly suspect that you are - then you are going to have to get used to the absences.  Check in with the Enlisted Spouses Club and find some other spouses like yourself - some who have been in the service for awhile and get the lowdown from them.  The military is a different life than a civilian one back in the states.\n\nEven without a job, there are many things you can do in Germany!  Oh, you lucky dukling, you!   There is SO MUCH to see over there - it is a beautiful country.  Look into the MWR activities - there should be some inexpensive day trips that are being arranged. Go see things so that you have things to share wiht him.  Make sure the house is kept up - because you are, after all, the housewife at this time.  (Also because the military expects it and it is HE who will be dinged if it is not done.)  That way, when you two DO have time together, it can be relaxing and not filled with "Honey Do" lists.\n\nOnce you build your life there in a way to keep youself busy, and release the pressure on him to take care of your entertainment and social needs, then you can begin to talk to him about spending the time he does have available for you in a quality way.\n\nGood luck!
874065
We were stationed in Germany when my hubby deployed the first time.  That was for Desert Storm.  It was hard being in a foreign country.  However, I chose to stay there and I'm glad I did.  The ones who went home basically lost everything.  They lost housing, sponsorship, overseas pay, contact with the unit and updates on how their hubby and the unit were doing among other things.  \n\nHow things work out depends mostly on you.  You already don't seem to be handling the stress well.  It doesn't matter what unit you go to or where you're stationed, there's games and politics.  You seem to be in a particularly bad one.  If you don't trust your hubby, you'll be in a world of hurt.  They'll play off that and give other women ammo to go after him.  Trust me, your trust and faith in him will have everything to do with what happens.  In 18 years, I know my hubby has never cheated on me.  I don't question him and I don't second guess him.  I keep him happy at home.\n\nI would suggest that you don't press the issue.  I'm sure the unit is following the rules.  They can't risk not doing it.  There's no CO or 1SG that wants to lose their position.  Things like  you're talking about can cause alot of scandal and ruin a career.  If you try to handle it in your own way, you can make things tough on your hubby.  If he has issues, he can take it up the chain of command.  However, it's not wise for you to interfere with the operations of his unit.  That puts him in for alot of stress and such.\n\nBe strong and trust in him and your marriage.  While he's gone, travel.  There's so much to see and do there.  Most of the time, it doesn't cost alot because you can get discounts or units or chaplains sponsor tours.  Write to him often and keep the letters up beat.  Try not to add to his worries and stress.  The time goes faster than you think and you'll find that you're a whole lot stronger than you thought you were.  You'll find your own independance and still rely on him.  \n\nGood luck!!
528509
I'm in the army and so is my husband.  you never get use to it it always sucks.  Just try not to dwell on it.  Try to stay occupied with something while he is gone and live for the moment when he is there.  I read a lot of books or make quilts while my husband is away or browse on here.  In fact, my husband is gone for a month right now.
695537
Read your papers everyday. Don't worry. I am a military wife and I know how it feels not to hear from someone who's over there. Don't think the worst. There are many reasons why they may not be able to call you. When my husband was over there, someone compromised the unit by revealing to much info to a loved one on the phone. Consequently, they weren't able to call home for two weeks. Also they may be moving and they may not be able to communicate in anyway. If you have contact info, write or email. Many soldiers (along with everyone else now!) have Myspace pages. See if they have one. Next of kin is contacted as soon as all of the proper procedures are complete. The person the soldier listed on his paperwork is the person that will be called. It is not always a spouse or a parent. After that, it is up to that person to contact everyone. But please, be patient, relax, and pray. Things are tough but you will be okay and he is ok.
418622
Gosh.. after reading the other answers you got to this question I bet you are having a heartattack!!\n\nCheating while deployed to a imminent danger areais not a common thing by any means.  The other stuff you're talking about is.\n\nWhen you get that many guys together without the ability to.... shall we say releive themselves sexually..... grapic conversation is pretty normal.  They sit around and talk about their gals and what they are going to do to them.  Even if your guy isn't the one doing the talking listening to it can be arousing for him.  \n\nThere's also the issue that he's under a lot of stress and men have a tendancy to to vent stress through sexual agression.\n\nThe distance in his voice is most likely do to his enviroment.  Your husband is dealing with some pretty tough stuff.  He doesn't want to tell you all about it because he doesn't want you to worry or be afraid for him any more than you already are.  There's also the fact that seperations are hard on our Guys too.  He may be trying to deal with his own feelings by walling them off.\n\nRemember that you have a tough job in all of this too. Be supportive and be brave.  Think the absolute best until you have a concrete reason to think otherwise.  This is so hard on military families..... you don't need any imagined problems to cope with.\n\nIf you need more advice on deployemts try contacting your services branch of support, FRG, Family Center, whatever.  The can actually give you some great tips on dealing with all of this.  From miliary wife to military wife........ just take a deep breath.  He has a lot more on his mind than you realize.\n\nGood Luck and God Bless.