why do most women live with abuse?
364409
You are not alone. You do not have to continue living with your abusive husband. He is not going to change. No matter how tearful and sincere his apologies may be, he will batter you again.\n\nYou can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7) toll free at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They can give you the number of your local program. The people who work for these programs are trained to help women in you situation navigate the social service and legal system. They may also have a shelter to provide you and your children with temporary housing.\n\nNo matter how much you love him you cannot fix him. You may think that if I can just love him enough it will get better. You could pour all the love in the world into him and he would still abuse you. \n\nYou can only fix you and make a better life for you and your children. When you make that call make sure he's nowhere around, like when he's at work. You need to be safe when you make that call. \n\nI'd be happy to talk with you if you want to email me. God bless you and your children.
398109
Often times the kind of men that abuse women were either abused as a child, or witnessed the same kind of treatment to their mothers. It relates back to the man's childhood in most instances. Unfortunately, they rarely change. If a woman is in an abusive relationship, she must get out now and find help. And if it's possible, and the man's willing, he should get help as well.
973572
Most women will say that they want a man who will treat her kind and be good to her, but when they get get one they often take the kindness as a weakness, and women want a strong man. I was with a woman who was once in a very abusive relationship, I always tried to be nice and gentlemanly but after a while it got to the point to where she was always trying to be dominant in EVERYTHING, I would try to be diplomatic and compromising but she wouldn't have it like that, it was her way or no way. She was very spoiled, she was the youngest of 5 girls and her father always let her get her way. But I've found that most women are basically the same way, if you give in to them too many times then they will become belligerent and abusive (not necessarily physically, but certainly psychologically and emotionally). Many will cheat, she got with my stepbrother while I was out out town working (more than once). I jumped on him when I found out then ran him off and told him to never come back. she was glowing when I came back inside. (like I had fought over her, it takes two to tango, she wasn't innocent) But I myself used to be of the same abusive, (yet non-violent) nature when I was married and I had a real good wife (I NEVER cheated though [didn't need to]). But I basically treated her like the couch in the living room, when I need it, it was there, other than that I could care less and when we'd argue I'd get off topic and just start saying things to make her feel bad. When my life left me I swore that I would never treat a woman that way again. (I still miss her after 15+ years) But all I seem to meet now are just plain wrong. All I can really say is be nice, but be tough. Try to be manly without being overbearing. But I don't know, I guess if it ever gets to the point that you're arguing and it looks like she's going to do whatever she wants anyway just to defy you, DON'T "punch her in the freakin face" punch a hole in the wall if you have to or break something (something cheap and trivial) DO NOT break something that she values. (I hope you don't have to resort to this) but when you appologize for it all (as you should) don't be too submissive. no whiney "Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that, please forgive me". Be firm, more like, "Look, I'm sorry, but you just really upset me", then explain what and how she upset you. Make sure you appoligize within minutes of your rage, it may be one of the few times that you have her absolute attention and you'll need it. Be sensible and practical, but if the reason for you getting mad and not wanting her to do whatever it was she wanted was just because "you said so" then you probably should've just let her be in the first place; they want a "take control" man not a controlling one. They also like a smart man, not a smart *ss man. and don't be too smart every so often act like you don't know something that you do and ask them what it means or how it works.\nI guess as far as how to treat them try this, If you have sisters, think of the way you father was towards them, both in his kindness and in the way he got on to them (when he was mad). Treat a woman like that.(UNLESS you had an abusive father, then never mind. sorry for you [blocking out the bad part sometimes helps if you can do that]). But still, most women are looking for a father figure anyway (at least subconsciously). Oh, and if you didn't have sisters, treat them at least three times as good but only about a quarter as bad as your dad was to you. I say this because that was about the ratio of generosity and fury between my sisters and I that was gotten my our father.\n but don't listen to me if I knew anything about how to treat a woman I'm sure I'd still be married. (or at least have one)
925206
I have been in an abusive ( all 3, primarily emotional and verbal) relationship for almost 13 years now, married for 8. I think what initially keeps you in an abusive relationship is that although you know that something doesn't feel quite right, you don't really look at it as abuse. Then when you know what it is, you are in denial and you make excuses for the person because you love them. You then think that your love can change them or that if you change that they will change. Sometimes you stay because you're scared to do everything on your own or because you have children. You want everyone to think that you have the perfect family and life. You then realize that the problem is within that person and there's not anything that you can do to change them. That's where I am now and I am currently being proactive with my exit plan. I hope this helps. lots of love, V.
678819
If a guy is being abused, it's because he's letting her do it - same as for women.  You have the option to not hang around.\n\nThe reason they say that is because young women tend to go for the "bad boy" - a guy that will be bad to everyone but THEM, so they can say they "won" by changing him - but older women know that is all a fantasy and a lie.  There is no such thing as a bad boy who can be changed by a woman to good.  When a woman learns this, they go to the nice guys who have waited patiently for the women to grow up and figure this out.
915367
Not all men are the same.  There are some who finds it challenging to be beaten by women.
664577
Not really.  Sadism requires suffering.  It's definitely part of the same thing, but it's not the same.   \n\nYoung women are arrogant, and men want to see them humiliated.  And for good reason.  It brings women in touch with their bodies and with reality, instead of focusing on their imaginary self-importance.  It causes them to realize that their purpose is to love a man and have his babies, and that there is nothing they can do that is more important than that.
120863
Sometimes people have negative experiences that make them behave badly. A mother who didnt treat them right or who wasnt around, a girlfriend who broke a guys heart, there are many reasons out there. I think the sexists that are still around are fueled by each other and by ignorance.
30061
A lot of time it doesn't really have to do with strength so much as insecurity.  There are a lot of different levels of 'torture', which I am assuming that you mean as domestic violence.  There is mental, emotional, sexual and physical.  All of these are abuse.  Typically they are accompanied by drugs or alcohol, though these 2 things do NOT make a person violent.  Abusive men are insecure.  They need to be the center of someones world, even if they have to beat that person into submission.\n\nAnd as for what another person said on this post, just because a woman stays around when she is being abused does not mean that she is sick or unstable.  In fact, typically victims of abuse start out as very strong women with a lot going for them.  they have good jobs or activities, lots of friends, and feel good about themselves.  Often in these relationships, the abuser has taken so much time to belittle the other person and manipulate them over a period of time so that they feel alone.  They feel like their abuser is the only person that cares about them.  They honestly think that it is their fault that they are being abused... "if I didn't do that, then he wouldn't have hit me. I know he doesn't like it when I do that."  "he just does it becuase he loves me and is afraid to lose me." etc...  You should NEVER blame a victim of abuse for what is happening to her.  That would be like blaming a cancer patient for getting cancer.\n\nNo one WANTS to be abused.  No one goes on a second date with a guy that smacked them around on the first date.  It doesn't happen like that.  The abuse is long coming, and it starts long before the hitting ever starts.
300025
people fight and us women are so emotional...we get over it though...physical abuse isn't by any means right...see what drives her to get so pissed and help her thruogh it..it also helps to walk away on a self time out when things get heated...love without fights are in fantasy worlds only..everone has altercations it's how we deal with them and how we choose to forgive...good luck dear...she may need counceling for her anger issues it only helps...no diss intended...anger managment can be a good thing even when you think nothings wrong...higher learning is your result and thats always a good thing.
198634
YOu show an awareness of the reason for your discomfort with women.  It could also be a fear of intimacy which is quite common especially if you had some kind of abuse as a child. It is a subconcious fear that you may be hurt somehow. I don't know how you would resolve this without some regular talk therapy. You need to explore it a lot each day and write your thoughts about it in a journal you keep to hlep you figure out and understnad it. Once you understand it completely it will lose its hold on you and you can gradually overcome it.
1058111
well...not being a woman, you really can't answer what you would do.  \n\nWomen stay for so many reasons........they can't make it on their own, they are scared, they have low self esteem, they want to be loved......and no being beaten isn't love but try telling some woman who is beaten and then he comes and tells her he is so sorry and that he loves her so much that she isn't loved.\n\nThere are just so many reasons.......what I want to know is why some men think they need to beat a woman to feel powerful?  \n\nGreat question....and I hope it isn't inspired by someone you know being beaten.....if it is.....do her a favor and call the police.  If the OJ case did one thing for us, it's that the police take domestic violence seriously now.
765097
I've lived through a lot of hard times and abuse, more than most people do . Have had to struggle to pull my self up out of bad situations\nwith two small children under tow , but everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason and I wouldn't change anything that happened because it has molded who I am . Today I am stronger for having to live that way .
315230
If women were running things, there would be little or no war. Women are nurturing creatures and some are very senstive, so they wouldn't want anyone to die.
1098209
what is their to understand about domestic abuse? it should never happen. that is what i understand and that is what anyone with half a brain should understand. this is coming from someone who has been there.
1112341
Female circumcision and domestic abuse are the most common.
1079101
I was in an abusive marriage for 32 stupid years. I was taught that you stick it out no matter what. So I did. I wasted my whole life. The only thing I did get out  of the marriage was 2 wonderful children. They never knew what was going on. My husband rarely abused me when they were around.\n\nBut by the time the kids were in there teens, they would ask why I was taking the verbal and mental abuse they heard. Then I got tired of apologizing for his attitude all the time to others.\n\nI watched every thing that I could on abuse and self improvement, on T.V.\n\nWhen my dad, (who was like my husband) passed away, I saw my mom actually be happy. Kind of like Whooppee!!!!! That for me, made me decide that I would rather spend at least one year of my life HAPPY than another forty years miserable. So went to women's resource centre and asked alot of questions.  Less than 6 months later, I left. I went to a women's transition home, to get some time  on my own with counsellors, and then got my own apartment. \n\nI have never looked back. That was just over 2 1/2 years ago. I have really never been happier. A year ago I refound an old friend and neighbour, that is divorced and we have been together since, enjoying life.