Why do women have a massive decrease in their sexual appetite once they marry?
140841
FitGuy ... ever hear the story of the jar full of jellybeans?  Yea, you know the one ... take a full jar of jellybeans and take one out for every time you have sex prior to marriage.  Then after the wedding you put back a bean for every time you have sex ... and the jar will never be full!\n\nWell that's just garbage and don't fall for it!!\n\nBut let me give it to you straight from a woman.  A woman's sexual desire is more tied to how she feels about herself than how she feels about you ... no matter how good you look!\n\nI've been married for 17 years and we are having the BEST and most frequent sex of our lives!  Only because I finally started being more selfish and less selfless!  As one of your responders said, woman have a habit of taking on the world's problems and making them her own.  It's hard to feel sexy when your stressed about the kids, the bills, the job, his feelings, does he still find me attractive, etc!!!\n\nMost of us get caught in this trap, even I did for many years.  It wasn't until I hit the gym, lost 65 pounds began bodybuilding and seeing myself as Hot and Sexy that I was able to get rid of that baggage.  If a woman feels fit and sexy on the inside, she will have the need to express that on the outside and her sexual appetite will totally increase ... it's just natural ... trust me!!\n\nMy husband actually likes the fact that I have this selfish side as he is the one who benefits from the overly active sex drive it created.\n\nOK, why am I telling you this?  Well, it's obvious from your photo that you are in great shape ... could she be a little self concious about that ... is she in as good of shape?  The reason I ask is because it doesn't matter how many times you tell her she is beautiful if she doesn't feel it for herself!  She just won't believe you.\n\nAlso, does she share your fitness lifestyle?  Working out together can be very uplifting and sexy ... couples who work out together stay together!  \n\nIf you feel this is not her problem, and she has a great self image, then perhaps a little variety could jump start things.  Try initiating sex in an uncharacteristic place ... be spontaneous ... use a toy ... tell her she is the best sex you've ever had ... find out her fantacies!  Spice it up ... you're her main squeeze so you should know what turns her on the most.\n\nMost of all, do not think a woman's sexual appetite is tied to marriage.  Sex and marriage are two totally different things and each takes work to make them last.  A woman's sexual appetite is tied to how she feels about herself.  No matter what is going on around her.  If she feels sexy, she will want sex!!!  \n\nTrust me, we women love sex ... we want to be told we are the sexiest, and best lovers there are out there ... and a man who can tell us this and make us believe it will have all the sex he can ever dream of!\n\nBest of luck!
1018970
Lack of desire is the most common sexual problem in women. It can be caused by problems in a woman's relationship with her partner, stress, fatigue, medications and low levels of the hormones estrogen or androgen. Often, lack of desire is affected by a woman's relationship with her sexual partner. The more a woman enjoys the relationship, the greater the desire for sex.
528316
Because they are initially drawn by the chemicals that attract man and woman and they only see the man inside once the chemicals have worn off.  It's the same for men but men have a different criteria than women. Some women are brought up to beleive in love and marriage, each guy they meet they see as potential marriage material.  They fall in love (what they think is love) instantly and think they have found the perfect man to provide for them and look after them.  Once the chemicals wear off and they realise they have not found the perfect man they start to try to turn him into one.  Women like this don't really know what love is so you will probably have this problem with most women untill you find one that falls in love with YOU and not some image she has had in her head since a little girl.x
214051
It depends on the man.  Sometimes it can be fatigue, stress at work, the relationship he has with his wife, a medical condition,etc.  Sometimes guys are not always up to par if they are tired or mentally preoccupied by his environment or by his mate.\n\nA lack of sex is a just a symptom of a deeper issue in the relationship. Has your friend been receptive  to her husband in a loving, non-attacking/nagging ways?  Has she found out what is truly behind his lack of desire?  Maybe his needs are not being met and he does not connecting with his wife?
302940
Decreased sex is completely normal in a marriage. It's your responsibility to spice things up in order to keep the passion alive. Try in on the floor, in a public place, use toys, do something taboo, anything new. Continue to give each other compliments especially about each others bodies and what you like about it. Be naughty! It's not just the mans job to keep it going, take the initiative and he will appreciate it I promise!
848600
She loses it because she chooses to, in most cases.\n\nit ebbs because she find sex a bore and wishes it would just stop
374663
The men I have spoken to feel alienated and rejected both mentally and physically from their wives.  Apparently sex once or twice a year is considered normal for this stage/age of marriage.  Loneliness would probably be the best way to explain it.  They feel that they can fulfill their needs while still maintaining the quid pro quo of the marriage and family.\n\nWrong as it sounds that is what they tell me.  They actually feel like they are sacrificing their own happiness to maintain the responsibilities they have for family.  They see an affair or usually casual sex as a necessary evil.  Most have no intention of ever leaving their wives and they make that perfectly clear.  To them  a marriage that is tolerable is better than divorce.
487868
I would beg to differ with this statement.  I have a very high sex drive.  and I am anything but thin...I tease my husband that he is the woman and I am the man in our sexual relationship...
446670
Sex is a wonderful, and integral part of a marriage. If one party is no longer interested, there IS a reason. Seek counseling and get to the bottom of it!! My (now ex) wife would not, and we had sex 4 times the last 6 months we where together.. Or I should I had sex 4 times, she had it a lot more, so I found out later.. Like I said, something is wrong.. .Depression, cheating, resentments, physical illness, something!
649541
Most people who are happily married do tend to gain weight.  It is kind of like the freshmen college weight gain most people experience.
896430
Sexual desire can no more be overcome as can hunger.  Sexual desire, like hunger, can be sated with a caring partner.  Find yourself such a partner and see to each others healthy, consensual sexual desires.\n\nRemember, just as suppressing hunger leads to starvation, suppressing sexual desire leads to pathology:  both are unhealthy.
1114007
What's with them is the fact that they don't know how to honor a committment. They are selfish in that they guage the success of their marriage on how THEY feel.  Once the new car smell goes away, they think it's time to trade for a new one.   It takes effort to keep a marriage exciting and to pull through the periods of time when things are a little low, which is inevitable.   However, a lot of people are too into themselves and not their marriage.
372226
It might be that they are comftorable with life and dont have the energy to really stick to a diet.  Or just being with that special someone could let you loose track of eating right
15162
Probably for the same reasons that married women sleep with married (or single) men.  Because they do not respect the marital vows.
805630
yes that is normal for you not to be attracted to your wife she has now become a fat cow and that isn't what you married, just try and deal with the next two months, the 18 year old will get you into trouble because by the sounds of it you are a lot older and that normally spell trouble
1036599
I don't think married men are the only ones who have problems in this area. I think men AND women feel loss as they age.\n\nYoung people have a combination of hormones, urgency, risk-taking, idealism and the feeling of immortality as major drives in their personalities and relationships. After 50 years people of both sexes get more contemplative, desperate, depressed, settled, bored, lazy and their hormone levels don't really help them "push forward" into life from the INSIDE of their bodies. \n\nIf a person has made enough poor decisions before 45-50 years old they, many times, just give up on trying to re-invent their life and they begin to "settle". They become less "giving" and less spontaneous. They feel more emotionally fragile.....and sometimes "needy" at the same time.\n\nIf your wife was ever your best friend she should remain that way into old-age. Many couples were never REAL  friends to begin with....they just got a certificate declaring that they are married. Friendship lasts longer than certificates.\n\nYou cannot expect a woman who was having sex out of "obligation" to wedding vows to ever be a lover for life. The emotional/spiritual longings that you are writing about SHOULD still be there at any age, between friends. If you simply want a woman to stay as young and eager as a 30 year old, forever,  then you are going to be sadly disappointed.\n\nThe friendship aspect of a loving/married relationship is the most important building material in the foundation of a long-time relationship. Age will take away many things. Cross words and misunderstandings can hurt couples for many years. In the end, it is the friendship that will last.\n\nAnd a good friend will always be there for you to talk, touch and share intimacy.................on some level.\n\nJust don't expect things NEVER to change...........all things change.\n\n\nIt's how we respond to change that makes us available to/for the people we love and who love us.
1046697
I haven't met many men who were disinterested in sex, no matter what age, however, performing is another subject.  Many women also experience a decrease in libido as they age,  there are other ways to satisfy ones sex drive that are perfectly normal and do not break the marriage vow.