Has anyone every been married for a long time and then found out there spouse was gay and what did you do?
152846
Best suggestion\n\nWish them the best and move on in your life.\nMy cousin actually found out her hubby was. they had a amicable divorce and she is really happy now with a new man in her life. the second time she was wiser and really had some standards before she agreed to marry this man. \n\nRead His Needs, Her Needs, and "Smart Love" \nIt can really help you out.
643539
I'm going to ask you one more time...how's your husband going to know if the people that you talk to online are gay or not  ???
887990
Listen more than you talk. Be of good moral character. Don't cheat on your wife with your gay lover.
382241
I'd think it was better. if he was with another woman you'd ask yourself 'what did I do to drive him there' even if you didn't do anything wrong. if he were gay, you wouldn't have anything to do with it. yes it sucks he didn't find out sooner or found out at all, but it seems like it should be easier.
251429
First marriage I knew him several years, then I dated him for about a year, then he proposed. HE cheated 3 months after we were married (maybe sooner) and continued to cheat for 3 years before I gave him the boot...It took a year to get the divorce back then...I would have left him sooner, but my family kept saying things would get better. After he gave me an STD (thank God it was something that could be cured), I divorced him! Stupid that I stayed with him for so long, it was like gambling with my life! I was miserable and I really began to hate him and the sight of him. In the end he beat me up and I made sure it the divorce was as nasty as I could make it.\n\nThen 14 years later I met a nice man on the Internet, I had said I would never get married again. Never say never...we "dated" online for about a year, (this was back in 1995-1996, we had a private chat program called PowWow, and we chatted EVERY night, then talked on the phone to say "goodnight". \n\nHe was in the Northern US, and I was in the South. He proposed online, sent me a picture of the rings and asked me if I would consider moving up North to share his life, and be his wife and partner. I said "Yes".\n\nIn November, we will have been married for 10 years, and aside from some health difficulties, it's been a very good marriage! He's my best friend, and we did not even have to go through a bunch of head games while dating. I was honest with him when we chatted, and I feel that he has always been honest with me. I was on the high side of my 30s and he was about 5 years older than me. \n\nIt really freaked my friends out, when I suddenly dropped out of my usual routines to spend time chatting with my online boyfriend.  All of my friends said that I was crazy, he might be an ax murderer, and all kinds of wild things!  When he came down South, we met, and the very next day we eloped! VERY ROMANTIC, and I remember when I signed the marriage license my hand was shaking and so was his! \n\nWe both took a BIG leap of faith, and I feel like God blessed us! Things could have turned out so differently! I say it depends on the people in the relationship and what they want in life, and what they may have experienced in the past. I met some real nice men between husband #1 and my husband now. I just was not ready to trust my heart to anyone else so completely. Two of them proposed to me, but I eventually broke off the relationships because I had issues with trusting them. A cheating spouse can make a person very suspicious and cause them to sabatage future relationships because they are suspicious. After my experiences, I say, I believe in love. I have learned that there are some good loyal and truthful men in this world, and you never know when you may meet the right man for you!\n\nIf it's worth having, give it time. I would have continued the Internet relationship longer if things had not developed as they did. I think I knew that he was a "keeper", and if he had waited longer to propose, I would have waited for him. Don't ask me how, but I fell in love with a man that I could not even touch! We typed so much that I typed the letters off of two keyboards. :D\n\nGood luck, and may God bless you and your future too!\nruthie~
1100145
i was married but not anymore.....thank god....
403016
Honestly, I've been there. It's the worst feeling in the world to know you've been betrayed. If he's likely to do it again, (not everyone is) then don't stay with him. Sometimes these things can clear up. (I'm speaking from personal experience. I've been with my husband for almost 7 years. He cheated once almost 4 years ago and hasn't since. I've learned to trust him again. I wouldn't be the same without him.)
845638
Hi Lucy,\n\nOnly you can decide this but I would agree with your husband. Marrage is not about: "lets stay together for the sake of the children". This is definitely not the right way. This will be a loveless marrage and if anything it will project a distructive and demonstate an even very negative image to the children on what relationships are about. You are better off being with a lesbian partner and as long as there is love, and love for the children then that is what really matters. Their father will always be part of their lives and arrangements to do so will take place after divorce.\n\nI know you must have soo many questions along side because this is one big step and it is a serious life changing experience.  There will be questions that keep repeating itself, especially about your sexuality and if this is the right thing to do. Can I recommend you check my profile and see some of the answer's I've written regarding why people are born straight, gay, or bisexual. I think it will make you understand those feelings better and make think sound much clearer. Life is too short and in the long run your husband, your family, and your children will know you had to do what you had to do. Your happeness is as important as well.
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.
1109525
First of all unless anyone has walked in your shoes they should not be judging you.  I am going through the same thing right now.  It has not been easy for me.  This person is a friend of mine and my husbands, he is also married.  We were chatting then one thing lead to another, the chat turned sexual and from there I formed an emotional bond with this man. Nothing has happend physically but  it has totally messed up my emotions, I feel like I am a mess since this has happend.  I have a great husband, and I am no longer communicating with our friend, but honestly I always think about him and miss him, why I don't know but it has been real hard.  This is one door I wish I never would have opened.  I don't know your details but the one thing I can tell you is to ask yourself what led you to do this, I had to do the same and I am in counseling right now.  Believe me I did not expect this hardship when I first started dabbling in this, it seemed harmless and kind of fun, but like they say when you play with fire, you will get burned and that I did.
1171558
I did on my first husband years ago because i was young and stupid and because i did not feel loved by him at all. It was a wrong response on my part though and i regret to this day every doing that to him and the marriage even though the marriage was bad. I should have went for counseling and help instead of running away and being with men. Two wrongs do not make a right and needless to say that marriage ended in disaster and my husband took his own life. Trust me it was not worth it at all and the pain was horrid. I would never do that again and now that i am married to a wonderful man and husband i would never even want or dream of ever doing this to him and my marriage. I learned my lesson and never want to make that mistake again.
621671
wonder why I had a husband when I'm not gay.
486499
I'm really very sorry that you have to go through this  type of situation because i have.Right now I know that it doesn't seem like it will ever get better,but trust me it does.I had been married for 10yrs, together with the same man since high school.He broke my heart left me with a 8,6,4,3month old.To make a looooooong story short(lol)I've been remarried HAPPILY for 7years now.My husband treats me like the Queen that I am,and I most definitely treat him like a King.GOD Bless you and your children(your husband too,he's going to need it)
220052
sorry to hear you let it get that far, i'm sure you are too. normally, i would say talk to your mate. but in this instance i would have to say you need to figure out in your head and heart what you really want and get you priorities worked out. your children are the ones who would really suffer for your indiscretions. i'm sure that is not what you want. but if your husband finds out, i don't think he'll be very understanding or forgiving. i wouldn't. but if you wan to save your marriage, then i would focus entirely on my husband and my marriage and making him happy. kiss butt, in other words. secretly, of course. one day, if you feel your marriage is strong enough, then you can tell him. the only thing that is going to help is your conscience. honestly, you may learn a bigger lesson by having to carry this secret and not burden your husband with what you did. sorry.
489336
Did you ever talk to her about being gay? (in general) Maybe she could accept you as you are?! I'd say you're rather bi than gay, but that's a different problem.\nI was in the same situation. Now I left my wife and live with another woman, at least she knows about my sexual prefferences and has accepted me as I am.\nAre you bad? no, just sad...\n\nSucces si curaj! Dragos, Buc.
852585
Wow. What a shock to have to go through.\n\nSounds like he is just starting to accept his own reality that he is gay. He may have thought that you two living together would be ideal, and I'm sure he had or maybe even still has feelings for you, but is attracted to men.  It happens and sometimes people don't come within the realization of it until a long time aftwards.\n\nAnd yes, you can be gay and in love with someone, but you also know that the relationship may not be for you. People like this can be confused for a long time since they may not know which direction to go to. Do they stay in what society terms a "normal" relationship, or do they risk ridicule and go with their real insterest, which is the same sex. Tough world we live in.
625859
Yes. Three times and I married two of them. One got away. The first one I married and I didn't really realize how much I loved her until she cheated on me and we got divorced. She was a mix of things good/bad, bithc/angel, honest/liar. I never really ever figured her angle out. She lost her way. I feel bad about things went between she and I. The past is the past.\n\nThe second, I never married her or even had relations with her, but I suspect that I loved her the day I saw her walking down the street. I remember it almost like it happened yesterday, but it was almost 20 years ago. I said that I had to meet her, I met her, we went out on a date, and it never worked out like I wanted. We became very good friends but she never felt the same way about me. \n\nThe third, is my friend, my wife and the mother of my son. I love her dearly and would do anything for her.