How can I make my daughter understand that I see the beginings of abuse from her husband?
147773
try talk to her, tell her that you support her and that you are not trying to interfere with her relationship. put your veiws across but with sounding like you are biased or that you are accusing anyone. my best friend went through this and we could all see what was happening, we tried to speak to her but she wouldnt listen, it all came to a head unfortunatley when he threw her down the stairs (she was 16 weeks pregnant) her brother was there and phnd her dad, we never said i told you so instead we supported her. unfortunatley abusive men break the confidence of their partners so that they wont leave!good luck
896858
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
138972
Im a teenager, and let me tell you right now, do it, divorce be happy. The only thing that is hurting your daughter even more is watching you fight. Shell be much better off knowing you are happy with this other woman you are talking about, its like a relief, just so you wont fight with her mom anymore. Its better off seperating than living a lifetime of unhappiness for you and your daughter. You should definetly talk to your daughter about the whole situation, shes barely 14. Let her live comforatably even if that means you seperate from your wife, because together you obviously cant be.\n\nI hope I made sense, I know im only 15 and youre wondering what i am thinking telling you to divorce your wife, but my parents are unhappy sometimes and I think they stay together because of their children, but I dont want them to be unhappy because of us. Theyre people too.
1015555
She needs a good attorney to help her. Those are not always easy to find. She needs support, some friends and family to go with her to court, etc. Usually abusers like that are repeats, find out if he has abused anyone else. If that woman he was seeing had a daughter, I will lay good money out that he has molested her too. That is why he went after the mother...to get to the daughter. That is a typical m.o. of these perverts. \n\nJust because he is "a first timer" does not mean he should get off. She gets one life, no pardons for a new one. That needs to be stressed. Pressure should be put on the judge by public out cry. Bring it to the media, T.V. whatever if necessary if he gets off easy. You can find out how a judge has voted in cases previous to this, make sure that his attorney isn't call all the shots.\n\nShe must get counseling by someone NOW (a female) who is experienced in counseling women of abuse such as this, she needs to do that above everything else. The good she did in bringing him this far is fantastic, she needs to know how brave she is for doing that. \n\nBy going to a good counselor, she can talk out what she has been through and going through now with this case. It takes the stress off her mind and she verbalizes it. The counselor is also a support to her, reassuring her.
93864
Yes, and you should do it immediately.  Most likely he himself has been abused, so some intervention is needed now.  You also need to get your daughter in counseling - immediately.  Personally, though some may think it is drastic, I would change my daughter's school and probably drop her off too.  How would you feel if you had to see someone that did that to you everyday?
801659
Try not to let her bohter you and NEVER feel guilty for or regret  making your child's father pay child support.  That is a legal obligation that he has to his child.  I would suggest that you just try being nice to her.  You have to remember that you don't know what he's saying behind your back to her to make things worse.  After awhile, she'll cool off.
584854
Try learning how to spell, then file for divorce.  Document his abuse with photographs, or by telling someone, so that you will have evidence for when you go to court.
909414
hello, It would be beneficial for you to sit down with your daughter and talk to her about her dad. Please for her sake, try to understand her point of view about her dad, he may have mistreated you and her, but ultimately he is her dad, and she may be struggling with abandonment issues, and hurting so much that she is self sabotaging your relationship with her, to prove to herself that no one cares, and that everyone is unrealiable. \nIt is confusing for her but if you can not portray your negatity about your ex, or that situation, and try to remain nuetral... allow her to talk to you about her feelings , she'll gain respect for you and will listen to your rules in time. \nIt is clear that she is trying to manipulate you, and she may be playing on your heart strings, " Mom won't do anything, cuz she doesn't want to loose me." \nIt is hard as a mother, because we are not portrayed as authoritative, but you need to stand your ground no matter how much she laments, and cries, hollars... don't give in. If she doesn't do something she needs to be shown that there are consequences to her negative actions. \nAsk who her friends are, and when they come over, quiz them, ask them " so where do you live? what does your mom and dad do? " Chat them up in a friendly manner so she doesn't realize it's the third degree, and her friends will say " Hey your mom is cool!" They'll want to hang at your house, and you'll be able to keep a better eye on her.
761548
This is difficult.. Legally you need to send her..\n\nBut we must get to the "root" of the problem so you can find relief and she can be happy and spend quality time with her daddy. It would be terrible for you and her to Have to dread him..\nSo, I Guess it depends on your relationship with the dad.. Can you discuss your concerns with him?  \nWill your daughter open up to and explain why she's so upset she has to go and see him?  There could be a real serious reason she doesn't want to go there. Or, it could be one of the simple worries of a child and she just needs your help to heal the worry.\nMost kids aren't direct and since she's 2, you may have to use pictures, or speak through dolls to get her to explain..
77608
I think she should feel guilty and know in her heart she f'ed up and live with the fact she just ruined a good mans life and the childrens. so just deal with the fact hes just gonna be your babies daddy and gonna be a good dad that will move on.
1029584
I have a similar situation,  I treat my stepdaughter WHO HATES ME like she was two years old when she continues to test me/her dad. I just ignore her negative behavior and try to redirect her.  When she starts to talk negatively I do not acknowledge her and instead ask her a question or just answer talking about a different subject.\n\nShe does not have to like you (mine does not).  She does have to treat you with respect though.  It is illegal to threaten to hurt someone physically.  If you are truly afraid and live in fear of her attacking you then you might want to get an order of protection.\n\nI wonder how your husband feels about this..........please e-mail me at:  red_red_read@yahoo.com so we can talk more.\n\nGood luck.  You are in between a rock and a hard place.
576099
Tell her that Mommy and Daddy just didn't get along any more and have to live separately. This is pretty common nowadays so you may be surprised to learn that it won't affect your child that much so long as you are straight with her without being accusational toward the other parent. Tell her, that you are sure that her Daddy loves her, but if he doesn't ever make contact or show interest in contact, there isn't alot you can do about that. One day, she will be able to confront him on this on her own. Good luck to you.
853076
I'm sorry to hear this. Your daughter should not treat you this way. I believe she is blinded by her feelings for her husband that's why she is one sided. \n\nShe knows deep inside her where she stands and how her husband feels and she knows it is wrong ! but she would rather defend her husband rather than her own mother because of her "blind one sided love". \n\nYour daughter loves you but she sucks... ( I'm sorry ) she doesn't know how hurt a mother feels when feeling abandoned by her own child.. don't worry because your dauther will feel it if her own dauther will do it to her. \n\nI'll pray that God will give you enough courage to hold on to love your daugther despite what she had done and i hope she will realised that what is she doing is wrong.
610799
THEY HAVE ABUSE HOTLINES FOR THIS TYPE OF SITUATION, AND IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU NEED TO ACT QUICKLY.\nNonprofit organization offers counseling, legal and safe house referrals for abused women and children by a national 24 hour toll-free crisis intervention hotline.\n1-866-843-4481...................\nJUST CALL THEM AND GET AWAY FROM THAT CRAZINESS. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THERE GO ONLINE AND SEARCH "ABUSE HOTLINE"\nGOOD LUCK!!!!! \n\nSource(s):\n\nwww.womenofsubstance.org 1-866-843-4481.
1047167
You said this just started and for no apparent reason. Maybe it is just that you have no clue to the reasoning behind it. I am not saying he is justified in treating you like crap or doing things in front of the children that he shouldn't but there has to be a reason for it. Have you tried asking him what is going on. Maybe something has happened and for what ever reason he can't or doesn't know how to share this with you so in turn his actions is a result of what ever is really bothering him. You have made it clear you won't put up with this so stress this to him again that if he can't share with you what is going on you can't try to help him with it but that he isn't going to take it out on you either. He needs to make the choice as to what to do and then you can choose what to do based on how he feels. I really feel for you hun as something happened to my ex husband and he thought he would become physical with me until I told him he would die before he hit me again and of course the final results was I left. I couldn't fix something that I had no clue as to what was going on and I was not going to be hit on or abused in any other way either. I hope he comes around before you leave him but do what is best for you and the children hun!!.
861753
after all you and your family has done for him and he does this sounds like there is no respect for himself or for his family. He is a adult and he knew the consquences before he took his actions and now he must deal with them. There is no such thing as accidently sleeping or being with someone else while you are married. With him abusing you and then cheating on you and you already having one child and one on the way all you can do is make a grown decision and ask yourself do you want to raise your children to see this? I was in a relationship many years ago just like that and really loved my ex husband however 5 years of the physical abuse and the drinking and cheating was enough I finally got out. It does hurt but you have to be strong if he did it once and you take him back ask yourself will you ever be able to let it go and forget it? Will the relationship be the same? will he do it again? will you have to live your life constantly asking yourself is he out there cheating again? Do you want to deal with that? I know it hurts but why put yourself through it again? You may never get over him I know i have been married to my husband now for 13 years and still once in a while think of my ex husband but am very happy with who i got and where i am in life. So only you can make your decisions and have to live with them and only we online can give opinions so from experience my opinion would be you have been seperated for a while and i would suggest stay away and get a divorce I would not want to raise children thinking it was ok to cheat on someone you love or raise your daughter to be tolerant of someone treating her like that so plain and simple ask yourself this if it was your daughter and she was going through this kind of suituation what would you want her to do?? Good Luck and God Bless
726879
You can't tell your daughter's father to stay out of her life, because this will create a lot of drama between the two of you! It seems to me that he doesn't want to take responsibilities for his actions and doesn't want to be involved in her life! I agree with you; not only is he hurting his daughter by not being there in her life, but he's hurting himself as well. What he's doing now will be full of deep regret later on in life! If he doesn't want to be in his daughter's life, let him continue to pay child support! Besides, as your daughter grows up in the years to come, she will learn more about her father and won't show any respect for him! Good luck to you and I wish you and your daughter the best!