How do I deal with my wife's depression and blaming me for everything?
151140
Honestly, I see this as a need for marriage counseling.  Your wife is suffering from a mental illness that should be treated, either by medication or therapy or both.  In the meantime, she is not a psychologist nor is she a medical doctor and has no right diagnose you, not to mention she has no medical schooling for such a thing.  Furthermore, I think she is projecting her issue onto you.  You may be depressed but if you are it sounds to me like you are situationally depressed, not clinically.  But, I'm not a doctor and don't have you as a patient in any case so I couldn't swear such a thing.  The time for the counseling is RIGHT NOW though so make that appointment.  If you cannot afford it then you would contact your county mental health agency and they likely have a sliding fee payment plan so don't feel like the option of counseling is not available to you.
491258
Listen Up:\n\nSeriously, you are clinically depressed.  You fit the exact diagnosis of clinical depression.  Don't listen to people who say "just get over it!" or whatever, they dont understand your pain.  You can choose to get professional help, or not...that is up to you...but, if you choose not to, you need to read up on it and help yourself.  Your heart has been broken in a way that no one can understand, and one can just not get over it without some sort of education (meaning professional or self help) and time.  \n\nYou don't mention it on your post, but I would bet anything that you blame yourself for her cheating, even though you did anything and everything for her.  Also, I bet that she told you "reasons" why it was your fault that she did it.  Even more ridiculous is the fact that other people will somehow suggest that you must have been the reason that she cheated.  THAT IS FALSE!!!!  People cheat because they are selfish and only care about themselves.  Then, they blame others to avoid the guilt and responsibility for their miserable actions. \n\nThis will be hard, but you have to ACCEPT that her cheating was not your fault.  Once you can release this belief, with education, you can begin to come around.\n\nYou will never come around, unless you "accept" the truth and "educate" yourself.\n\nIf you wanna know more, contact me.
147877
Been there...don’t let the situation fester. You should go alone and work on your issues first(we all have them). You can not make her, or anyone, do something they don’t want to do. She will see that you are serious, making an effort and a commitment. You will learn how to ask her in a way that she would be willing to start going. Be a leader and take the 1st step. Besides it may take a few attempts to find a counselor that you like and trust. It may be helpful to find a female as your wife may feel less threatened. It worked for me and my wife. Good luck.
381250
last year my husband was dignosed with depression (after counless years of suffering from it),so he decided to quit his job to see if it would make him any happier, but in the end being stuck in the house all the time gave him time to dwell on all the negatives which made him worse, and he tried to kill him self twice, but now he is back at work and although he always complains about his job atleast he has something to get up for in the morning, and I think he maybe starting to turn a corner concerning the depressing. Maybe you could try going to college or a new job and working towards the career you've always wanted, but really think hard about giving up work altogether.
820968
Well, first of all I commend you for understanding your wife's problem,  I've worked with people with Borderline Personality Disorder and it does keep you on your toes.  One of the significant symptoms that I know of with this condition is the ability to create chaos out of order.  It can be very stressful for those around the person who has it.\n\nMy advice is for you to get into counseling first so you have a safe place to vent your feelings and learn how to best deal with the drama your wife creates.  You cannot force your wife into treatment but maybe with gentle coaxing and acceptance, she may decide she wants help too.  Good luck!
152959
Remind your wife that she knew you had kids before you were married and that she accepted you knowing that.  Don't just worry about her feelings consider those of your children.  Do you really think it will be so easy for them?  Your responsibility to them comes first.  They will always be a part of your life.  It is not fair for your wife to make you feel bad about taking care of your kids.  No matter what this will be hard on all of you and just remind your wife that you love her and your children and that it would make you very happy to know that she supports you in the good times and in the bad.
553727
1)find some hobbies....do some volunteer work, of online advocacy....then you can see how some people really have it very, very rough and you'll feel better about your own life while at the same time helping others.\n\n2)You can also answer people's questions on Yahoo Answers and then feel like you helped them.\n\n3)Talk to your spouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
941274
This is a very unique question.  it sounds like your wife is a BIG GAME PLAYER!  But at the same time you don't want her little game to ruin your life.  Who knows what she'll do.  I'd tell her to go find another round of friends, and you're going to live your life.  She will keep you going through this bull crap for life if you let her.\nSounds to me like she's wore her welcome out where she just came from, and is running back to her rock that's you.  Well sometimes rocks crumble.  I would let her go, you're not responsible for her irrational behavior.  And in no way are you to blame for her actions.
1081951
damn...i know the best cure for depression is to sit at sea and observe the horizon...for many days under the sun...allow her to be in a jolly environment for most of her time. else she should see a psychiatrist/psycologist.
983300
I sometimes have similar problems cleaning after myself.  I found that my surroundings are simply a reflection of my state of mind.  I did find a book called The Messies Manual...  It starts by searching out the root of the problem.  There is also a website and also support groups that can be really helpful.  \n\nI will say that I work better when I'm not hounded.  I understand that it was difficult for others to live in those conditions, but when they say things, I tended to feel as though they were attacking me as a person.(I now know that's not the case) A messie's mind just works differently.  \n\nSo my advice to you is to choose your words wisely.  Don't discuss the issue when you are at the peak of your frustration-That will only lead to her getting defensive and becoming non responsive.  Try to remember that messie-ness is not a reflection of how good of a person she is, but a symptom of her inability/lack of knowledge as to how to organize things & thoughts effectively.\n\nMaybe you could have someone come and clean the place from top to bottom once, then talk to her about getting help(we all need help for something or other)- whether its through books, support groups, or counseling/training. \n\nShe's your wife, so I'm sure you love her and just want what's best for her (and you).  Just remember that you can't "fix" her.  That's not your job nor your place.  Just be supportive and try to be understanding. She has to make the decision to change on her own.\n\nIT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR HER TO CHANGE!!!
11947
She more than likely is suffering from some form of depression.  Have you tried talking to her (calmly, Open-minded)?  The best you can do for her is listen to her without judging her, let her know that you are concerned and care about her.  Just be there when she needs you.
655066
The scorn that 'The Pilot' has just poured out on you in unjustified.  Your husband made marriage vows, you have needs, if he were in your shoes he would probably have done something about the situation long ago.  I think you need to take a complete break from routine, say go to a hotel, order in dinner, and talk to each other.  Remind him of the times he chased you around, tell him how lonely you are, how hurt you feel, how you need more than the nothing you are being given.  With his health problems, I'd be bothering my wife as if every day were my last!\nYou deserve to be loved, more than the love for a piece of furniture, which is all he is showing you.  He loves having you around, wouldn't know what to do without you, etc.  It's very difficult to think of leaving someone you have so much history with, and who is in poor health, but DON'T let guilt keep you unfulfilled.\nTALK!
934134
My best advice to you, sincerely, it to go speak with someone professional.  And drag your husband with too.  How does she treat your children?  If she is bad to them in any way, then put your foot down.  It is one thing for us to deal with someone whom is possible mentally ill, but don't make your kids deal with it!
505826
...been there brother...it hurts worse than anyone will ever understand.\n\nFriends and family are great, but you know as well as I do, that you can only be around them so much.  Sometimes you just need time alone.  Try not to spend too much time alone.  I know, I still struggle with that and my divorce was final 6 months ago.  \n\nMan, I could write a book to you right now.  It is just SO hard dude.  \n\nWhatever you do, don't spend all your time thinking about all the great times, the great traits of your wife and, most importantly, beating yourself up over the situation, (kicking yourself over anything and everything you could have done better, blaming yourself for not making her happier and feeling like you failed).  THIS IS WAY EASIER TO SAY THAN TO DO!  I know.  This is the trap that I fell in and caused me to become WAY, WAY depressed.\n\nYou are gonna ride a roller coaster of up and down emotion for the next few years.  The low times are gonna be LOW, LOW, and the high times will be pretty good, believe it or not.\n\nWriting has become my happy place.  Actually, it doesn't really make me happy, it just releaves me of the pain that I am experiencing at the moment.  I don't always write about the divorce, feelings or depression.  Sometimes, I write about current events, events that really touched me, friends, etc.  It really doesn't matter.  Writing just gives me an outlet to release emotion without bothering others.
1169743
I was in the same boat about 2 years ago.  My wife was depressed, slept on the couch almost all day, I worked 2 jobs and took care of my daughter when I was home ... I would say that my wife was a glorified babysitter, but in reality, I was often worried about my daughter's safety while I was at work.  The horror stories I could tell you ...\n\nI know you won't like this answer but, here goes: You can't get your wife to go to the doctor for help.  There is nothing that you could say or do that would ever alter the will and/or mind set of a clinically depressed person.  The decision has to be theirs, which, funny enough, is the same advice that Al-Anon would give to a spouse/child of an alcoholic.  I had spent the first year of her depression trying to help her through it, taking her to relaxing places, doing the house chores, taking care of my daughter, that did not work, I had threatened divorce once, but it did nothing, After an incident with my wife she was put in the hospital for about 5 days to "straighten her medication out", but, because she didn't believe in medication, that was the only time she took it.  She made 1 out of 12 scheduled pyschiatrist appointments and 8 out of 40 scheduled pyschologist visits.  She simply didn't want to go or get help.  That was her decision, and unfortunately all the best intentions in the world won't get her to change it... for my x wife or for your wife unfortunately.  \n\nIn my opinion there are 2 solid questions that you have to ask yourself.  \n\n1. Do you still love her and could you continue to make it work?  (assuming that you were alone and without kids.)  If the answer is yes, continue to the next question as it is the deal breaker.  If not, then you have your answer with regards to divorce.\n\n2. I think most parents, including you would agree that their children are the single most important aspect of their lives, and their most important responsibility.  With that said, what do you feel is more harmful to your children, a "messy" divorce (which it will be, trust me on that one) or living every day watching Mom sleep away her life, not having her in their lives because she's too depressed, bringing the family down because you are too overworked and stressed out, not having enough money (and yeah - I know about that one too, my x was racking up nearly 3500 in overdraft charges almost every year for 3 years....) I'm sure you could add a few examples to this list...   Simply put, what is best for your children?  Your kids at 10 and 12 are old enough to engage in a serious discussion about divorce and depression.  Their thoughts and feelings will more than likely be an included factor for a judge during a divorce and I would recommend talking to your children about their thoughts and feelings about your family dynamics - how do they feel about their mom's depression, and seriously consider taking your kids to a pyschologist for some family therapy, unfortunately, if you're stressed out and hurting, your kids are too - only many times worse.  If your kids experience more happiness during and after divorce, it is better, especially if the divorce forces the parents to put their kids number one.  If your wife is missing out on their lives, then they are not number one in hers, and therein lies the problem.  If Divorce is better for them in the long run, File, and make sure you get a calm attorney.  I'll cover that in a second....\n\nI'll tell you what happened with my divorce, as it might give you a bit of hope, as it certainly turned out well for everyone I would say... after a long 2 year battle, with every settlement offer from my side getting worse every time her "hot-shot" attorney (thus the find a calm attorney)  decided he wanted something else like a GAL (Guardian Ad-Litem) and a Pysch Evaluation, I finally landed up with full custody, my X had visitation once a week, had to pay me child support a
96701
Good News.... She is NOT gone.  She is always by your side.  She loved you for 17 years also, and she would want you to be happy.  Did you ever want to take up a hobby that your wife thought was ubsurd?  Do it now if so.  There are a million support groups for grieving spouses.  Being around people thgat feel the same way you do is very healing.  Always remember this... she will be waiting for you on the other side.
1018180
honestly i know how u feel, but trying to "control" the situation, that iswhat u r doing, will only make mattersworse, shewill go into further rebellion, and things in the marriage will go down hill.   part of Love is free and what holds it together is trust (and God) but if you don't have either of these it will never last.  you need to let her do her thing( not saying im choosing sides)  but if you let love go and its true love it will come back.  if you smother and squeeze it, it will flee from you.  as hard as it is, you need to give her what she needs (space and freedom) she is in the wrong ( married people do not belong at BARS).  LET GO OF THE REIGNS bite your tongue, and tell her go ahead (just pray when shes out that she will come to realize its not the place to be. good luck