how to handle your 21 yr old moving back home.?
153869
I am a parent but I only have six years experience.  Still, you need to kick his little a** out.  I know he is your kid, but dang.  He is taking you for granted, you need to teach him how to take care of himself.  What is he going to do when you aren't there?
1052895
1) They love you.\n2) They want to be there for you.  \n3)  You are never to old to live with your parents many people do that for many reasons other than financial.\n4) Getting assistance from parents in this world isn't always there for most people.  Take advantage of it until you get on your own two feet and stable sincerely.\n5) I have three children and I love them with all my heart and I would hate to see them in any bad situation what so ever.  I will give them anything I can possibly give within my god given abilities.  \nFor love and only love that is reason enough to accept it and to offer help.  If you do decide to move back in then tell them that you want to help them with chores and other things around the house.  Or just ask if they can be there to support you in any decision you make financially and emotionally.  They will understand They wont be hurt if you are honest and truthful with them.
1138406
Talk to her and give her a deadline. Tell her that she needs to move by a certain day, no exceptions! If it doesn't work, remove all of her personal belongings and deliver them to her mother. \nBy reading what you have typed, sounds like you are the type of person who gives in easily to others distress. She needs to understand that you will not take any excuses. Sometimes tough love is just what people need.\nIt is hard to advise on this because we who reply do not know the full situation.\nMaybe the person you are helping is a moocher. Maybe she's afraid to move in with her mother. Without knowing the person's age and situation, it is hard to say whether this person needs a reality check, or compassion.
74817
This must be such a difficult situation for your entire family.  You must be feeling as if you no longer know you son. You must feel as if you are walking on jello and that your whole world has fallen apart.  You must be thinking what will become of all the hopes and dreams I had for this boy of mine!  These feelings are all normal. You are not alone, I spent many sleepless nights hoping I could go back to the time when my child was small and I was holding that little boy in my arms.  But let's consider something very important: Your son was comfortable enough to come and talk to you about this situation.  That seems to say that your lines of communication are open between the both of you.  That is a blessing!  It says a great deal to how you raised your son and you should take comfort from that.\n\nWith your open communication and his trust in you  don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of becoming preachy and letting him know how wrong this is or to throw him.  The damage that will done by doing that can not be undone!\n\nThis is a time to sit down with him and discuss all the options.  You need to understand how he is feeling, what he wants to do about this situation, and how he is going to be responsible for this child.\n\nIts about him right now not you, and that is going to be very difficult to do, I know I have been there.  The more you can all listen and you guide with gentleness the better off you will all be.  Other people will say support him, but if you have not had many, many talks with him about his goals, worries, concerns and desires for all of this you will never know how to support him.\n\nNow, what he chooses may not be what you would choose.  At 17, he is feeling like a child and an adult.  He is conflicted by what he feels, he wants to be a little boy and have this all go away, and he wants to be a man and take care of it himself; but you have to be there to give him all the information he will need to make the choice.  If you do it right with little judgment and guilt he will choose well.\n\nGive him ALL the information both sides. Now, here comes the really hard part.  His girlfriend holds a great deal of the cards, and what she finally decides may not be what you or your son want.  Be prepared for that.  She and her family may want nothing to do with you.  They may view you as the cause of all this trouble.  They want to force your son into doing something that is not right.  Be prepared for that.  The more you have thought this all through and discussed everything with your son the better the outcome will be.\n\nWe can not force her, her family or you son into doing anything.  There can only be gentle guiding. \n\nWhen all is said and done the greatest thing we can rely on is faith that God is the author of all good things.  If we look at this with the eyes of faith we will see that this has the potential of becoming a beautiful experience of growth and strength.\n\nFeel free to call me: 517-290-8930
689425
It is very hard. I am on that road too. Father is in the same boat. You have 2 basic choices, you take guardianship and to heck with their wishes and make the decisions for them. Not the nicest way to go. Or you find out who deals with the seniors in their area and you have them set up things that make life more manageable, if not perfect for them. Hire helpers, volunteer drivers and visitor. Can you get nursing aid to visit for medical checks and medication management? It a long and winding road at best, but  really all they want is as much independence and dignity as they can  muster at their ages. Here we have a commission on aging that will help you review your options, they can asses your parents and see what the underlying reasons are for missed medication (lack of money, forgetfulness, too cheap to buy it, difficulty taking it) When the send out a worker list here i know that background checks have been made and references are checked, it is still a hard match to get personalities to mesh. In reality I make the drive myself several times a week, do shopping, get meds, do heavy cleaning, fix televisions ( remotes baffle him he keeps locking the features out). Life would be far easier if he would move into a assisted living or agree to live here, but alas he has rights to stay where he is and be independent as long as he is mentally fit and not a lear danger to himself and others. You have to realize a large portion of their life was in that house, it marks their history, accomplishments and memories. You may just have to dig in and make it as safe as you can for them. Talk to  a senior center, social worker, aging speialist and know what options are there and what rights they have and what benefit they get from not moving. Its complex, do a lot of asking and research. And talk to them plainly about how much stress and worry you have about them, but listen to them too. Good luck.
47139
Deciding which parent to live with is never an easy decision, first try to come up with a pros and cons list, that might be a good first step. Secondly, decide what it might be like, a week, a month, a year, after your there, deciding if you can adjust to another surrounding is a hard, so give it some thought. Personally, I would move to Florida, just because, depending on the area, can be a really enjoyable place to live. Also, try to figure out as much as you can about where your mom lives, and what it is like there, what you can do for fun, what you could possibly do for work (not sure how old you are but ohh well...) and so on.....I hope I have given you enough to think about and good luck with your decision.
556534
Why don't you try to support your child for once and let her experience life instead of protecting her from it? Your child could have filed for emancipation at the age of 12 if she wanted to and you would have had no legal right to her. If she wants to be at home, she'll come home. Until then, maybe you should try to treat her like the adult that she will be in less than a years time instead of like the 10-year-old that she hasn't been in quite some time. I left my home when I was 16 and moved in with my aunt because I couldn't deal with living with my parents. \n\nJust because you think you're right doesn't mean that you are and just because your daughter thinks she's right doesn't mean she is. Maybe, and I know other parents don't like to hear this, you were wrong. Just get over it.\n\nYour daughter may be physically 17 years of age, but that doesn't mean that her mental development didn't speed up at some point. You're going to do nothing but put strain on your relationship with your daughter if you try to force her to come home. Instead try to support her, see if she needs help with paying for rent and getting through school. Maybe getting a job. \n\nI'm thinking that you and your daughter have problems because you don't even know where she lives now. Even though I'm grown, my parents at least know where to come live with me because they apologized to me for everything that had occured in my youth because of them. Just because you're the parent doesn't make you right. Your daughter isn't just your daughter, she's also herself. She has to be herself or she's just a copy of you. That's not why you had children and you know it.
1124800
GIVE HER SPACE ..AND MAKE PLANS TO GO OUT AS A FAMILY AND ONLY YOU AND HER AND IF YOU HAVE KIDS REMEMBER IT NOT THE KIDS FAULT YOU ARE THE ADULT AND YOU NEED TO OPEN UP ...MAKE HER FEEL YOUR THERE IT WILL BE HARD BUT HEY ...THAT HOW YOU START THE BOND ....................AND YES SHE IS PART OF YOUR HUSBAND LIFE SO ...MAKE THEM BOND ALSO SO SHE WONT FEEL YOUR IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM....LET THEM HAVE QUALITY TIME...ALSO...SO IF SHE IS HOME SICK PLAN TO DO THINGS OKAY..AND BE A MOTHER TOOO...OKAY..SHE IS A DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE IS IN YOUR LIFE A HEY 3 WEEKS IS NOTHING ..SO HEY SHE NEEDS TO EAT SO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH HER ..OR SIT WITH HER AND TELL HER .....DO YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING AND ......HEY SHES JUST 11 ...SHE IS A CHILD..
1133284
Sounds like the best thing would be all of you have family counseling together, especially to support the teenage daughter.  If you move, who's to say the the ex won't move also?  I also think it depends on how old the teenage daughter is........it is sad that children have this magical thinking regarding a parent that is unable to give them what they need.  They give them way too much power when it comes to their feelings.....very sad.  The child might be at the point where she says "No thanks" to whenever the mother feels the notion to see her.  I would suggest the family counseling and get feedback regarding the idea of moving.
245086
Let her go.  She will come back.  I went through this with my daughter for the same reason yours want to leave.  It didn't take her long to figure out it wasn't so bad at home afterall.  I didn't rant and rave just let her go.  She found out for herself just what kind of dad she has and I didn't have to say a thing.  Kept our relationship on an even keel.
926288
That's a hard one!  I don't think either that they should go back either.  Children need a stable environment.  It's not good on them to be transfered around.  Even back to parents that don't care about them anyways.  Im so sorry that you have to go through this.  If I were you,  I would fight this as hard as you can.  Good Luck!
530017
At 21 she is a legal adult. he is just feeling over protective. talk to him WITHOUT making it sound like a big deal to you, unless he doesnt take it seriously. If he wont listen help your daughter out! hel her find an apartment/condo/ she can even live wiht you!
764023
Don't forget that every action has a reaction.  be proactive and show you care for him though you are away most of the times when he is in home.  Things will be for the better.  best of luck.\nVR
173328
you tell him in straight forward manner. You expect rent, utility, and food money. If he disagrees, tell him that it is not your responsibility to take care of him. Treat him like an adult and be firm. If it gets to be two on one then its time to move yourself out.\n\nADDED\n\nif its your house then you can tell then its your way or the highway.
1035218
Been there.  Ultimatums are never good. Small towns are full of gossip. The transition is easier because of family and friends. Both of you list pros/cons of where you'd like to live. Ask him if he'd be willing to check out some places that would fit what you're both looking for.  He may feel that you are choosing to move home to get away from him. Try to compromise. I did and I don't regret not moving back home. I found things that I really liked about where I live and we have been here for 25 years. Really think about this before you do or say something that you can't take back. I hope I helped.
106398
Sit him down, don't dramatize the situation and just explain to him in a mature and resolute way that you no longer wish to share the living arrangement you currently share. The best way to deal with any problem is just being honest about it with the people involved because nothing sucks worse than being the last know especially when it's a life altering decision that affects you.
860824
write her a letter telling her that you love her and want to start new and would she be willing to start over and see where it goes from there. but what ever let her know that you love her and want things between you and her to change for the better. sometimes kids have to make the first move when there parent is not in the right state of mind adults sometimes forget that we can learn so much from our children , trust me my daughter taught me how to be humble and wow what an experience and she loves me very much and told me that i was stifling her by not letting her make mistakes for her own good and other great things that i thought i knew more then her and actually she really helped me a lot once i took off the blinders so sometimes kids have to help reshape the parents. lol