Advice from Feb.10th show,Where I can find answers about troubled marriage?
147904
Try being a little more specific, and posting your question under television if you want to know the name of the show.
1000326
all of your questions are like this-yet you have chosen a best answer to none of them that i've looked at-back to your very first one-"when do you know when your marriage is over"-have you read the guidelines for this site properly ? click on ask,then click on community guidelines,scroll down to the bottom and read that page atleast-please.!good luck.x
723406
Perhaps a Marriage Counselor could help ease you through the bad times.  It couldn't hurt for you to set up an appointment for both of you for at least two or three visits.  An outsider can usually see a situation as it really is and point things out that you may not be seeing.
671124
My hubby and I were having mega problems and i was on the verge of leaving... when i finally told him i was leaving and taking our 7 month old daughter, he straightened up right away. We talk about what really bothers us and we fix it... we compromise...every marriage has problems and if people say they dont they are lying! Sit down and have a conversation...nto an arguement ... first decide who goes first... tell what you hate and move on.... then dont throw it up in each others faces after this...just keep it in the back of your mind. For example... my hubby hated when i would gripe about little things like him leaving a dish out.. and i hated when he wouldn't seperate his laundry into the right bin. So we both corrected the problem and we moved on...(this is not why i was leaving.. he had a drinking problem)
665963
Cassie -- it's kinda easy to slam someone but you know, we're supposed to be a family / community here, so be cool.\n\nI am a firm believer that "wisdom comes in a multitude of counselors" yet ultimately, one must trust in your own instinct.\n\nThat instinct, when sincerely motivated, is quite often the right decision.\n\nRed Rose has a good response, too, but I do believe the Creator wants us to use our intelligence, too.  I mean, making a lifetime decision doesn't mean you throw out your common sense (e.g. Has he spent his entire life in prison ... has he a history of unfaithfulness ... does his car license plate proclaim something you aren't comfortable with, etc.)\n\nOK -- got off the path a bit.   Will you get married with your love, honestly, I didn't understand the question.  But assuming you meant will I marry someone I love?\n\nTruthfully, you may never meet THE ONE -- there will always be a few things about him that you'll have to adjust to (if you're spontaneous, he might be disciplined ; if you talk out loud to make a decision, he might think you're repeating yourself...those issues).\n\nBut you WILL be attracted to him.   You should have affection and respect, and he should love and cherish you.\n\nDon't make this your obsession.   Quietly, and confidently release your desires to your Heavenly Father, and then, go about enjoying your life.   No shortcuts ... don't do anything to "help" God by rushing things.\n\nJust have a confident, expectant trust.   He knows you better than you know yourself.   Watch how things develop -- the Creator loves a good love story as much as anyone (those pure, innocent feelings in us came from Him).  \n\nAfter all, He IS the ultimate match-maker, drawing and courting us unto His faithful and awesome heart.
953053
Was that a serious q?  If it was my father in law was on big time.\nLook for:  \n  Binges of staying up for days (depending on how much they are doing),\n Crashing and sleeping for days (or just all day, again depends on how much they are doing.\n  Becomming violent\n  Overly happy\n   Very hyper/"wired"\n  Watch for them making jumps in convos - that nobody can follow.  I.E.  You are talking about how much you made from a paycheck to somone shooting a dear illegally in another state (personal, family experience of theirs)\n  Erratic mood swings.  (being happy, and talking one min, and the next be yelling about $50 you think someone is ripping you off, then saying how they got the person they are talking to out of trouble when they shot that dear in wyoming, to flipping your 6 months pregnant daughter in law over a chair while she was trying to get her husband to leave, to holding a knife to your sons throat threatening to kill him) ****Yeah, it happens fast.  I know because I was the pregnant woman being flipped over a chair.  And the person my father in law was talking to was his son, my soon to be husband.\n  Having hundreds of dollars and then being broke in a few days.\n  Being anti-social\n  Swear a lot (you had that)\n  They can make funny faces ( depening on how they are doing )\n  Unable to shut up (jabber mouth)\n  Visit the restroom frequently\n  Sniff a lot ( if they sniffed it, not if they smoked it )\n  Look for mirrors, or other flat surfaces with the residue\n  Erratic behavior (saying brb and being gone hrs, wanting to work on everything, cheating, lying, stealing ect)\n Grinding teeth\n Sores\nLoosing weight \n Dirty hands is just gross, doesn't mean meth.
1099500
Complicated that.  Living in surburbia as a married couple taught me a lot.  I have seen a lot of marriages withstand incredible strain... I have seen other marriages crumble when one gets a hangnail.  For the most part, communications break down at simple adolescent issues and then they escalate.  These damaged relations are diseased... and like many diseases in the human body, or a broken part on a car, they will not fix themselves... someone has to get out the manual and repair kit and fix the darn thing.\n\nit this is your marriage, you will not be able to fix it without guidance... that would be like trying to do brain surgery on yourself... What you have described is a symptom of a deeper problem... are you in  that house?  or is this just something that was told to you by one or the other of the couple?  \n\nI would offer that "he has a story" and that "she has a story."  The truth is somewhere out there, but the complete and unbiased story is with neither.  I would offer, that it is not what she not doing, but rather what she is doing to drive him to the XXX... as for him, he withholds to protect his manhood and his desire to be seen as a man....   \n\nAnd does she need only him?  he may have other feelings.. about that.  \n\nin short, this will not autocorrect, they need professional help.
560058
Before you take advice from people you don't know.  You need to first listen to you.  If you love him and think you can make this marriage work, then try to work things out.  \n\nYou are right, the 1st year (and a few more) are hard, but that doesn't mean give up! I read your other question, and I don't think you got the "best" advice.  Consider the sources... (and here I'm talking and you don't know me from the rest of them!) \n\nBut I will say, go to someone who knows the two of you, someone who can be a voice of reason. And have that person mediate the issues you are having with your husband.  A good councilor will be able to help you there.  Find one. \n\nMy marriage ended over stupid stuff.  Things that could have easily been handled in an adult way, and fixed.  If you love your husband, go the hard road and try to forgive and get to the bottom of your issues.\n\nFor the fourth time tonight, I will suggest a few books that I believe could have saved my marriage if I had them before it was over...\n\n1. The Five Love Languages- Probably my favorite... it talks about the different "languages" of love we can offer to each other. Everyone has one or two that are their main love language, and if you are not communication to you spouse in THEIR love language, then they probably won't feel loved... great book.\n\n2. Love and Respect- it talks about the different needs of a husband and a wife. It relates to each of you. It's split in certain areas to directly talk to you and to your husband. It talks about how women see things thru "pink glasses" and men see things thru "blue glasses". It's eye opening...It's wonderful.\n\n3. Friendship Factor- This one is SO basic. It was like a light going off in my head each time I turned a page. It helps you realte to others better as WELL as your husband.\n\nI would read them in that order...together with your husband. You can find them in the Christian/ Religious section of most bookstores. And don't worry, they aren't overly "holy" if you are weirded out by Christian books. It's just that God designed man and woman for each other, and boy oh boy does HE have some good principles to build on. The books are very relatable and easy to read quickly.\n\nGo get advice from a source that you can trust. Know that my heart is with you as you are suffering.  And I hope that you can see past this incident, and try to make some sort of sense of the issues you are having.
924247
Deja Vu!?!?!?\nMy dh suffers from depression, (yet refuses to take  meds the doctor prescribed), and alcoholism runs (more like gallops) in his family, but still he denies HE has a problem.   \n\nHe decided after many good ears, that he just wanted out!  No reason,.....  he refused to attend counselling, and "marriage counselling" takes both partners attending.\n\nKids and I  let him know he was loved, valuable and that we all wanted him to stay.  He just refused to take meds, got into hiding his drinking, and had an affair and moved out.\n\nI learned the hard way, but any 12-step program (AA, etc) will tell you  that the first step is for the person  to admit  that he/she has a problem.  Until they admit  that, and decide that they WANT to change,.....  there is no-one that can MAKE them change.\n\nYour wife seems to be just as confused.  She's got to decide what  she wants first.  Then, and only then, can you guys try to fix it up.\n\nFor the sake of your kids and the marriage, I hope she gets medical supervision for the depression and gets off the booze.  Booze and depression are a BAD combination.
112050
They never really said everything is just speculation right now. She filed under irreconciable differences. So no one really knows until one them start talking. \nNick is filing for spousal support. And would be entitled to half of her earnings while they were married. They never had a pre-nup. She is going to be on Entertainment Tonight tonight Feb 28. Maybe that will help catch you up!
565300
May I suggest a book?  "Recovering Love" by J. Richard Cookerly (available through Amazon)\n\nThis book is essentially about how to build/recreate/rebuild/recognize a healthy loving relationship.  It, not incidentally, will also give you a perspective to tell if your problems and his are valid or off in left field.  \n\nIt certainly sounds like you are resenting some of the sacrifices that you made and that is coming out subconsciously in the form of unreasonable demands. OTOH, it may be that he has been unwilling to make sacrifices for you, and now he's trying to sort of pad his account, so to speak, to make it seem like the relationship is more equitable than it really is.\n\nI applaud you both for going to a counselor.  They can really help sort out marital problems. It can work very well.  It worked for my first marriage for a long time(my husband had very severe emotional problems and when he stopped going to counselling for those problems, so it fell apart.)  That it held together for so long was a testament to our counselor.  (I hope that didn't discourage you, trust me that my ex was severely emotionally stunted)\n\nOne final note - what I really learned from my first marriage is that any two people can have a happy relationship during the good times - it's how you react to the bad times that determine if it is truly a healthy relationship.  If you get nothing else from the counselor, try to get practice on handling arguments, and working together during times when you have a problem.
516287
Dave,\n\nYes, marriage is hard work for both spouses You each have to give 110% into the marriage. If you are having some issues about what is happening in your relationship and I believe that what you have written you do, I would seek the advice of a marriage counselor for both of you.\n\nFrom what I am reading into your question, it appears that your wife views that you are the cause of her unhappiness. Your discussions and arguments need to be focused on what is going on in the relatonship not about about blame and shame. There are some communication tools that you can use in your conversations with your wife that may be helpful.\n\nThis requires that you develop the skill of detachment. If you can keep your emotions under control, then you can share with your wife what you see is happening and how you feel about it. Here is an example: " Honey,I love you very much and only want the best for us. Because I want the best I am sharing this with you now, When you continually find fault with everything I do, I become frustrated, confused, angry, and hurt. I know that we are both human and that we both love each other. Can we sit down and see how we can we work things out.\n\nThis may or may not work depending on what is the cause of your wife's behavior. Regardless, you need to take control of your own behaviour and detach from your wife. If you work on yourself and become the best person you can for you, not for her then you will begin to feel good about who you are and not rely on her for your feelings of self worth.\n\nI wish you well! Surround yourself with a support system of friends who can be there for you in this time of diffculty.\n\nThere may come a day when you have to say: Honey, I love you very much and want to stay married to you. It seems however that you are unhappy in this relationship with me. If you do not want to stay married to me let me know and because I love you, I will let you go.
150566
probably better to ask a marriage counselor : ) it could be lots of things, some which are "fixable", some which aren't.
244754
First, make sure you're not ignoring something that genuinely needs your attention. People need validation, and if this is true with casual aquaintances it's doubly true of spouses. But if you've eliminated constructive dialog from the equation, then you have to find your "center" and zone out until the wave has passed. No one can argue by themselves; it takes (2) to sustain the conflict. Realize though, that what I just said is a practical tactic to handle things while you're in that moment and feeling pressure to respond or explode. During cooler moments, you need to find a strategy to deal with the main source of the communication difficulty. It could be as simple as turning off the television and looking her straight in the eyes while she's talking, or it could be a matter for a counselor to walk you both through. People usually raise their voices when they don't feel acknowledged or heard in any other way. Once you're sure that's not the case, get some competent help in developing your communication skills together. Good luck.
1035420
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Fred and his wife Rose decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.\n\nWhen they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. \n\n"What seems to be the problem?"\n\nImmediately, Fred held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Rose began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.\n\nAfter 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.\n\nAfterwards, Rose sat there - speechless. He looked over at Fred who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.\n\nThe counselor spoke to Fred, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"\n\nFred scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."
160829
I would suggest a good marriage counselor- All marriages have their problems, but if it is to the point where it affects your everyday life and/or your children's lives, then yes, you should seek a counselor.  Many couples who fight daily about trivial things, have an underlying, much deeper problem (i.e. someone hasn't fogiven someone for something, etc.)  OFten times too, the problems lay in a communication breakdown- one member might think he/she is getting their point across, but the other member either might not be willing or truly might not be ABLE to REALLY HEAR what they are saying- Again, a good marraige counselor can give you the tools you need to get to the very root of the problem and begin to solve it
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.