Conflict resolution in the family?
150480
Not being interested in making peace may be a sign that they have an offence against you. It doesn't mean that it is a legitimate offence or that the offence is worthy of the level of reaction taken, but nonetheless it is probably there. \n\nIf you are truly interested in making peace yourself, how about taking this person out to dinner and let them unload their greivances without you defending yourself or composing your own attack. Consider it a fact finding mission. Take their responses to heart and deeply consider if there is any validity. If yes, apologize and make reparations if appropriate. If the offence has no validity, go before God (if you are a person of faith) and ask God to be your defense against false accusations. \n\nI have done this myself when falsely accused 4 years ago. The accusation from this loved one brought severe loss - I misscarried and my family lost our home through attacks based on false accusation. I gave it to God to be my defense. God has worked situations out in such a way that the false accusations have ben shown for what they were to all who know us. At this very moment, my accuser is under affliction and I have been blessed with the opportunity to show mercy as I minister to this person's needs with a truly loving attitude. Though in the past God removed my family from this person's ability to hurt us, for this point in time I have recieved God's promise of protection and fulfilment of justice, so this frees me to love this person in their hour of need. It has been a really amazing experience! This person has appologized for some of the losses that occured - not all yet, but it is incredible to see even these happening. This person has even said that this present affliction is a judgment from God.\n\nIf you have offended, repent and make it right with humilty. If you are innocent, give it to God, draw close to Him for the strength and protection needed, and be patient for God's timing. I cannot emphasize the patience part enough. That is probably the hardest step. Our flesh wants to rise up in immediate self defense and anger. We want resolution and justice immediately. It takes time, but it is worth the wait in the end.
333348
Hmmmm...tough question.  Have you confronted him about the problem and given him the chance to straighten up?  If you haven't then I'd say that you need to confront him straight up with the facts, nothing more.  Anger won't help to do anything but give him the evidence he needs to secure his argument.  If you have talked about it before, I'd say it's time to split.  I realize that your son will have trouble with that, but if you want to, you can arrange for some kind of visitation, so his "daddy" isnt suddenly gone from his life.  That way, the two of them can still have their "playtime" but at the same time the constant aggrivation and anger.
787651
Ask your dad what was the problem and why he didn't see you maybe this had a lot to do with your mum and her grievances.\nWhen a family break down it is very hard for either party to admit the wrong.\nDon't Fight.\nDon't Argue \nJust find out the reasons.
273465
Be patient with yourself, join a support group at your church or talk to a family counsellor (with or without your spouse). Be patient with your kids, spend as much quality time with them knowing that they are caught in the middle of an adult issues and are too young to understand the complexity of these issues.  Just go out and have as much fun with them as possible at the park, mall or the children's museum.  Do not neglect your health (ie: overeating-->obese or undereating).  If you're not into the gym go for light walks, and by all means use meditation tapes they really do help.  Give your spouse that space she needs  but keep the channel of communications open.  Be honest with each other and don't try to sweep your marriage issues under the rug or they will never be resolved.  Good Luck.
697370
I doubt very much that your daughter would agree to any form of family counselling to help resolve things, but this is one thing that may help.  By having a non-partial mediator discuss things in an open and mature manner would allow everyone involved to speak their mind and help sort things out perhaps.  Perhaps you could try and inform your daughter that this would be the greatest gift that she ever gave you for Christmas by agreeing to attend such sessions.  I'm certain also that you would like to be escorted to your daughter's wedding by her father and with all these unresolved issues I'm willing to bet that you'll be going stag.  Inform your little girl that although her dad did make a mistake that you have forgiven him and that everyone should be given a second chance if they have so deserved it.  Best of luck to you and your family as a whole.
1107817
WRONG no, but let it go.  It's hard to adjust sometimes with different types of families.  It's not right to make differences, but being mad about it only creates more tension in a relationship you are trying to rebuild.  Think of like this, the next time he has a boys day out at his Mom's, have a girls day out.  Use the time as a way to bond with your daughters and them to bond as sisters.  In the long run, it'll be helpful to them and you.  Your daughters will appreciate as well.  You were angry, you can't change what happened and in the grand scheme of things does it really matter now.  Is it really that important to still be mad?  You ladies go and do something that they can't do or won't want to do and it'll be fine.
808083
It takes two to argue right\n\nSo if one of you cut off the energy of arguing the other person will give up \nAll you have to say is :"I am here to talk but not to argue" and walk away \nIf that is impossible take the option of writing what you have to say on a paper, let the other person read it, and reply until what ever the problem is is solved \nUsually what ever you both are arguing about has nothing to do with the problem at all \nSome small problem you both can not discuss turns into little bits and pieces to argue about lol \nI hope that helps you as it has been good advice that I have gave that has helped many : )\n\nLove & Blessings \nMilly
1118874
Sadly Liz there is not much you can do except keep a cool head when around you is craziness and encourage both parents to talk, not yell or use spiteful abuse towards each other. Maybe then there is a chance if they can listen to each other, but always remember it's never the kids fault, the problem lies in their relationship. Goodluck I feel for u!
910894
Hi there , \n\nI understand your frustration. Every family are dysfunctional in some ways and when there is a crisis, like you mentioned, the stress just builds up and family members disagree. It's almost worse that they're your family because they can truly act like themselves, which often brings out their worst, or so it seems. But I believe everyone has a good intention, it's just that everyone thinks they're right and aren't willing to consider others' opinion.\n\nIt's a sign of selfishness and immaturity but hey, there will always those people and you've just got to deal with it, ya know?\n\nI hope everything works out sweetie :)
382907
I have never heard of any couple who doesn't argue. This is especially true when there are increased stresses in their lives. Having just been pregnant in the summer and in a long term relationship I know exactly what goes on. But then the arguments go away within ten minutes so you can't take minor issues to heart. Eventually the grass will get cut, the dishes will be done, as with the laundry. Just hang in there.
970590
Oh I struggle with this constantly but for different reasons. My parents are addicts. There comes a time in life when you must concentarte on you. If those around you, particularily family have reached toxic levels where they are poisoning your own life, it's best to back off and distant yourself. I would not write them off entirely, I've thought about doing it myself, but it all comes back to they are family and we cannot choose our family and like them or not, through them we are here. I don't know how old you are, but if you are younger I would suggest possibly just distancing yourself and speaking up with the issues you disagree with and make certain they know that it hurts your feelings and do not entertain their ignorant remarks and actions by giving any other reaction other than telling them that at this point and time you do not agree with their opinions. If you are young, there could be possibly something else going on that they are actually concerned about that you aren't seeing just yet. However if it's purely based on race, I'd keep my feet planted in your beliefs and hopefully with time after you stay away from them for awhile they'll realize their love for you is stronger than their hate for another.  I wouldn't give your father any special treatment either, because he is encouraging everyone around him by not speaking up if he truly is aware of their issues and agrees with you. Sounds to me like your father may be ignorant as well, and only agrees with you in private for fear of losing his little girl. All you can do is stand strong in your beliefs, distance yourself from how involved with them you are, but I wouldn't write them out entirely. Now if they begin to do anything harmful that causes extreme physical or emotional grief then I would cut them off entirely. Hopefully with time though and your distance from each other they'll see that they were wrong and have second thoughts on their ideas and opinions, especially if the man you love becomes a true gem and treats you the way they always hoped a man you'd find would. Good luck though, racism is ugly and deeply rooted in those who are and often continues on in people out of their own fears. Just be thankful that somehow by the grace of God their ignorance didn't rub off on you as you were growing up, as if often sadly the case with those raised by parents with beliefs such as that. Enjoy the love you have found and ignore what they say. Find comfort with the one you love and through his family until and if yours ever comes around to their senses! God Bless you dear. Oh and pray for them because it sounds like they need it!!
13166
I am divorced two years now and get along with my ex for the the sake of my child. We both have put aside our differences and work together to assure our child is given the best environment possible. We talk about any decision that will affect our child and work it out. We are both good people, just not compatible together......we do it for the love our child. You have to!
1023439
You need to watch out for the "common law" issue.  Such as Tennesse does not acknowledge "common law."  You are either married or your not!\n\nAn option most over looked is trying something like a pastoral counseling session, (or) call your local Exchange Club, YMCA, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, etc and see what, if any, programs they have to offer, (or) stop visiting your father and have your siblings boycot conversation, since he isnt listening to them anyway.  If the communication in the household ceased someone would begin to pay attention. OR dont get involved.  Ultimately, it isnt your relationship and someone else said it in another answer...there is a "reason."  Try talking one on one with your dad and see if you can begin to understand the "whys" to what he is allowing to happen.  Maybe he doesnt understand, imagine a man not understanding a woman!, that it hurts to have her there.  Sometimes men get used to bickering and get numb to the pain.  If you have done all that you can fathom, bow out! It is your life you are living and dont use it on worrying about someone else.  \n\nI had to use this tactic on my sister who is 2 years older than me. I needed to get her attention so I stopped talking to her. She is not 100% with the communication yet, but we do look forward to talking now.  That, and we both learned something out of it.\n\nGood luck on this one.  It is especially tough when it is family.  Especially good family!  Pick the answer that best suites your personality.  If you do something that you arent comfortable with you may make things worse.  Be careful and think before you speak.  There is hope.  Maybe its not your dad you should be dealing with.  Maybe you should be targeting you mother.  Since she is more the problem here.  Get a copy of the Final Divorce Decree and the Marital Dissolution Agreement, highlight the parts indicating where she is supposed to move and tape it to her door or better yet, her TV.  That would deffinitely get my attention!  Besides then you are using paperwork that she AGREED to.\n\nBut be careful when pushing things like "common law."  Call an attorney and just ask about the laws in the state you are in.  Or you can go to lexisnexis.com and look it up.  Like I said that is not applicable in EVERY state!\n\nGood luck!
125817
Get counseling.  \nDon't live together.\n\nAND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD!  You may not think infants and young children are affected by fighting, if so YOU ARE WRONG, it does have a bad affect on them.
970401
Yes, I've had a problem with this myself. Altering the way you deal with things will only happen over time. If you think about it, you've reacted a certain way all your life so changing things around will take time and patience (which of course is something you don't have!! Don't worry, the irony was not lost on me either!)\n\nFirst of all, accept the things you cannot change. In my experience there are a lot of árseholes out there, certain friends of mine will always be very money oriented and my first marriage did not work out. I no longer fight it, I accept it. \n\nThis is going to sound like self-help book bull but when someone is mean to you, or does something to fundamentally upset you, respond with a smile and with kindness. It really throws them which is amusing and which in turn makes you less angry. \n\nWhen it comes to interpersonal relationships (i.e. wife/husband/mum/dad) have a mental look at your previous arguments and see how they went. Do you labour on a point relentlessly? If so, did it get you anywhere? Have you ever recorded yourself having an argument? Do you look "sane" and rational? Chances are that you don't. When you are having a 'heated discussion' stick calmly to the one point you are debating and don't let it become a list of everything that person ever did to annoy you. And remember, once you raise your voice your point is invalid.
291925
My husband used mediation in his divorce and I'd say it did help. Yes a child was involved.  His ex refused to give him time with his daughter and the mediator helped his ex realize he needed time and she was be unreasonable. So yes it helps.
1159976
My ex-wife does the same,but she quit once I moved out of state. But she still uses the kids against me. My parents did the same to each other,that's why I don't do it to my kids. I guess what I am trying to say is you cant control what they do only what you do. Good Luck