I'm nervous my ex husband is going to keep my son...should I let him take him?
156530
check with local law enforcement and/or an attorney.  Laws in Illinois which apply to parental kidnapping are VERY harsh!  Be careful!!
733099
sounds like the two of you have grown apart. to keep a relationship strong, you have to spend time together and he needs to spend time with his son as well. I'm sorry for your situation but if this continues, maybe you need to move on and find someone who will put you and your son's feelings first. love is putting the other person first.
373901
Look I went through the same thing with my ex wife ....I started to realize it wasn't any thing I could do.... Cause it wasn't just up to me it was up to her too.....You can only carry some one for so long before you end up being the same person....I know it will be hard but maybe it is time to move on ....Don't be anybodies fool... You need to start a life that gives you some comfort and happiness..Sounds like you need it....And I know you have a child ,but wouldn't you rather have you child have all the love he/she could get from you ? Rather than you being so worried about what your husband is doing late at night.When you woory about what your husband is doing you take away the focus your child needs .... Hope that helps a little\nEXPLAYA here
857925
If he ever threatens you with bodily harm or anything, file for a restraining order or protective order.  Given his criminal history, it may be possible for him to only be allowed court supervised visitation of the child.  You were right to demand that he only see the child during the court oredered visitation.  Do not feel one bit guilty about that.  As for the money, if the child is old enough to listen to what he says, the child is old enough to listen to what you say as well.  Tell the child that the money is what he is required to pay for supporting his child and it is not stolen, but is his responsibility to pay so you can feed the child.  That is honest.  Don't bad-mouth the father to the child.  Just state the facts without emotion.  Kids are pretty smart and can put it together. :o)\n\nDo be careful.  You might consider making sure you have good locks on your home and keep it locked all the time to protect yourself.  The law is on your side, so stick to it.  Don't play his game.  I told my ex that I wasn't his wife anymore and didn't have to fight with him, but that he could contact my attorney and/or the state child support office.  They get paid to deal with him so I don't have to.  You don't have to fight with your ex either.\n\nIf he ever threatens you bodily in any way.... take legal action immediately.  Do not hesitate to call the police and file a protective order.  We all have heard the horror stories of what twisted men do to women they supposedly "loved" at some point.  Be careful and use wisdom.\n\nBest Wishes,\n\nSue
671688
Demand supervised visitation. You have to follow what the court orders or you could loose your son. Follow your instinct and don't put him in harms way. Document everything so you always have proof.
36118
Honestly, I know you are hurting but your main priority should be your child. Let the man go. I see they have restraining orders on you, did you confront them? Go seek sole custody of your daughter. That move is to protect yourself. He is not the only man on this earth. Sign the divorce papers.
670512
Sweetheart you have more than shown love and respect for your husband...feel free to start living YOUR LIFE again.. but be smart..you can go on living and still be in control of who, what when and where you will do what you do!!\n\nSorry to learn of your loss, I lost a son 8 years ago and can sympathize with you and your sons tremendous loss..
956126
WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM BACK?\n\nWHY WOULD YOU SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR HIM TO DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?\n\nTAKING HIM BACK WOULD TEACH THE WRONG MESSAGE TO YOUR CHILDREN.\n\nIT'S BETTER FOR THEM TO COME FROM A BROKEN HOME THAN TO LIVE IN ONE.\n\nYOUR HUSBAND JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.  BUT IT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR HIS INFIDELITY AND ABANDONMENT.\n\nYOU SHOULD CHANGE THE LOCKS AND GET A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER.  WORK OUT VISITATION DETAILS IN A DIVORCE DECREE.\n\nYOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SEE HIM ABUSE AND CONTROL OU LIKE THIS, AND THEY SHOULDN'T SEE YOU ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN OR ACCEPT IT WHEN IT DOES.\n\nHE HAS CLEARLY MADE HIS CHOICE AND IT IS NOT YOU OR HIS OWN FAMILY.  HE HAS STARTED A NEW ONE AND REPLACED YOU.  THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN EXPAIN, JUSTIFY, OR MAKE THAT ALL RIGHT.\n\nWHY GIVE HIM ANY CONTROL OVER YOU?  HE'S NOT WORTH IT.
771974
You not only did the right thing for your son, but you did it for yourself also. Dont worry, just be strong. I've been thru the break up make up over and over for 4 years, and have finally left for good about a month ago. I also have a child with this person... but I know I have to just worry about me and my daughter now. The worst thing to do is to give in when you are emotional like this and find yourself back in the same situation... possibly with one more child. So stay strong and take care of you, and stick close to family and friends for support if you are fortunate enough. Good Luck mama
876183
Hi Pink, \n\nI think I missed your origional question, but will answer it anyway and come at different angles when I don't know the full story -hope this is useful?\n\nAnyway, what is important is that your ex-partner wants to have contact with his son and that his child wants to see his dad.  If he didn't want to see his son, then there is little you can do to make him and this would be very sad indeed but your own love itself would be enough to provide your son with as much love and happiness that he deserves.  \n\nI am assumming that he does see his dad and spends a lot of time with him, then this is wonderful even though you and your ex will never be anything more than just on good terms for the sake of your son.  Why should you want to cut your ex out of your life when he is the father of your child? - you will just remain in contact purely for the sake of your child and this is good enough for this reason alone.  \n\nNo one says that you should have to be together or love each other just because you did once a long time ago.  People's lives change and so do their expectations and feelings and so if you have moved on, then so should he, but to remain in close contact with his son if he cares anything for him.  His love for his son should be unconditional anyway and shouldn't depend upon whether he loves him because of how you feel about your ex.  If this is the case, then he loves his son for the wrong reasons and truly doesn't care about him because he is wanting you to love him before he can love his son - lots of men will see their children even if their marriage has broken down and because they love their children unconditionally.\n\nIf he doesn't want to see his child because you no longer love him, then the better off your son will be without his father who doesn't love him anyway.  This is a very sad situation, but if your boy is just three, then he will cope a lot better without a father if he is not going to committ to seeing his son on a regular basis and because he loves him regardless of where you stand with your ex.  A child can have just as much love from his mother to compensate and others in the family too, so he won't miss what he isn't getting from his father.\n\nYou can not be held responsible for what your ex decides to do or not do - he is adult enough to bring a child into this world and adult enough to want to be a part of his life whether he is with you or not.  It will be his loss if he does not want to be a part of his own son's life and he cannot force you to love him when you no longer feel that way about him, he has to accept that this is the way it is and you are not going to love anyone who will love their own child on the condition that you are going to love your ex!\n\nYou can still be fond of your ex because he and you shared a life togther once and of course, people don't forget that but just means that the love isn't a romantic one like it used to be but more friends. \n\nor:\n\nIf you are with someone new and he doesn't accept that your ex is a part of your life, then sounds like he hasn't got the child's best interests at heart and is jealous of the fact that your son has another father - in this case, he will be an insecure type of man you are with and doesn't trust in you enough to know that you no longer love your ex and wants to sabotage your son's relationship with his father.  This would be an unhealthy relationship to be in and so I would not allow his jealousy to dictate what is in the best interests of your child and your ex has every right to see his son.\n\nThe same goes for other family - their priority is for the child's welfare and not their own interests. \n\nYou do what is right for you and your child.
799614
If you don't want the drama go to your nearest family court and fill out papers to have child support court issued so he has to pay a certain amount a month or he'll get in trouble. If he doesn't have a job they will make him get a job. Your ex is an immature momma's boy and doesn't comprehend his 3 children have needs. As for yourself instead of your young family suffering go to the state for help food stamps,wic,and alittle cash each month can certainly help out until you can get the kids some child care and yourself a job.Don't rely on a man ( your not dealing with 1 anyway) you need to step up and take control of your situation. I am a single mother of 2 I know its hard as hell but as long as you keep trying to do what is best once you have the kids in daycare and your working you will feel so much better because your doing your part as best you can. Don't wait on him and his mom to help out do it yourself so you can say you did it. When the kids get older they will see who has been there for them fighting for the things they want and working her butt off for them. Tell them both to stick the $30 a week for food up their u know whats you'll see them in court and the courts will issue him to pay atleast $50 a week.Apologize for what? asking her son act like a man?It's just wrong for him to tell mommy what going on between you two it shows that he's not a man and can't handle things with out getting mommy involved.Mom should just stay out of it in the first place and tell her son he made the bed now he's gotta sleep in it or if he was a big boy when he laid down and had 3 babies he can be man enough to make his own decisions without involving his mommy like he's tattle tailing.I feel bad that your gonna have to deal with that boy for the rest of your life and his mommy cause she has already overstepped her bounds cause her son is a momma's boy you will be dealing with her for the rest of her life being in your business. Good Luck !!
401309
Let him go.  YOu don't need someone like that in your life.  You need a man who will help you out and cheer you up not bring you down.  You can do better for yourself and your child.
757777
Wow  ...that was a quick break up.....YOu should stop covering for him.....Let his relationship with his son be between those 2.  Don't ever say anything negative about your ex around your  son...dont lie to him...if he asks questions that you cant answer honestly w/out berating...just say I dont know the answer to that son...(like..why doesn't my dad call meor come see me??)...always be there for your son....Try not to let your son know when you are pissed @ ex....his emotions will follow yours....if u r upset, he will be upset,,,but he will feel like he is betraying dad at same time........You are in a tough situation....be wise......No,,,,it is not right for the father to be completely out of touch...But you cant control that, nor should you try....All you can control is how you respond to life's situations.....If emergency....do the best you can without ex.....What if he was dead..what would you do???......In life your son will see and make up his own mind about father and his actions......If you always get in the middle and try to control situation....you will be blamed for outcome.....Just be there , love, support and do what is right for your child......One day...he will see who the self centered ass is.........
984740
Do not by any means let them go w/ their father again is must be hard specially if the kids are asking to see him. I ve been thru the same thing he took my son away and at the time there was no court order so when i did call the police saying he didnt want to give me my one month old son back all they could do was stare at me and tell me there was nothing they could do since he was the father. He was very abusive and consumed drugs at the time but still nothing was done plz dont let them go for the saftey of your kids its hard i know but looking im pretty sure you will find whats just right and get the help you need
396411
I know how you feel.  My son chose to stay with his dad after my divorce.  I have our daughter.  The distance is near 1000 miles so, I am not able to see him much.  I do call him every weekend and see him at least 4 times a year.  It is still not enough and I am frustrated since I am unable to do anything about this.  (Work, money, ect...)  My son knows that I love and miss him so much.  It hurts.
707321
It sounds like you have a case of Kidnapping in your hands. You did not mention any kind of court order sigend by a judge, allowing him to have visitation rights or anything else for that matter. Mothers have a bit more rights than a father (at least here in TX) because the mother bears the child and gives birth.\nSince he is not in the brith certificate, even thought he is the biological father of the child, he in a sense has no parental rights to the child unless it has been stablished by the courts, which in this case you have fail to disclose such information.\nShame on you for letting your son go, knowing the lifestyle your ex has.\nYour best bet at this point is talk to your ex and DEMAND that your child be rturned to you or you WILL file a police report with the local authorities.\n\nbest of luck
339002
My ex-husband and I have a daughter together and we have a great FRIEND relationship. When you have children you are commited to that child by a bond and the love you ONCE had. You will always have a realationship with that person if you love your children enough to look past the bad and work together for the better cause. I wouldnt worry unless he is having sleep overs!