What is the joke for this punchline that I remember from childhood?
148342
Different versions everywhere but it goes along the lines of:\n\nthis evening, went down to tesco to get some food for my tea. i was browsing the aisles when I heard a man shouting sounded like he was going mental, so i looked towards the checkouts and see this guy (later found out from the police his name was Arti) shouting at the young girl serving him. the girl was saying he hadnt given her enough money for his shopping and that he was a pound short, they got into a really heated argument then all of a sudden out of no-where he leant accross to her and grabbed a hold of her throat and strganled her, she died right there in his hands! \ni couldnt believe it, everyone was just standing round in shock, this security guard come running up to grab him, but this Arti was a big guy and he just grabbed the security guard by the neck aswell and within a few seconds he was slumped on the floor dead, same as the young girl. after that this guy, still going absolutely mental just turns around and grabs the nearest person and does the same again. :( \n\n3 people killed right before my eyes in tesco at this point about 3 men (1 of them another security guard) over powered him until the police arrived. \n\nIve been down the police station all evening giving a statement, they said i will most likely need councelling to get over this, im still shaking now\n\nIt really didn’t help me when i heard that this morning it will be splashed across the News of the World's page 7 under the headline “Arti Chokes Three For A Pound At Tesco’s”
939899
What was the joke supposed to be, anyway? And is there anything funny about the Iraq war?
504506
an epileptic...dude this joke is so old....
211884
Cool joke:\n"Dad, what is politics?"\n"Politics? Well, consider our home. I am the wag earner, so let's call me Capitallism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her Goverment. We take care of you and your needs, so we'll call you the People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your baby brother the Future. Do you understand so far?"\n"I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."\nLate that night, the boy's sleep was disturbed by the crying of his baby brother. He got up and found that the baby had soiled its nappy. He went to his parents' room and found his mother fast asleep, and then discovered that his father was bonking the maid so vigorously that they didn't hear his knocks on the door. He returned to his bed and went to sleep.\nNext morning he reported to his father, "Dad, I now think I understand what politics is."\n"Good, my boy. Explain it to me in your own words."\n"Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class and the Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the future is full of s**t."
766772
A little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.\n“Tyson,” she said, “you shouldn’t use that kind of language. Where\ndid you hear it?”\n“My daddy said it,” he responded.\n“Well, that doesn’t matter,” she explained, “I don’t want to hear\nthat language in here again.”\nAfter a moment, she thought she whispered aloud, “At least he\ndoesn’t know what it means.”\n“I do, too,” Tyson corrected. “It means the car won’t start.”
572903
You ruined your own joke by answering it already.  Why didn't you just tell the joke in "jokes"category?  That's an old joke from the '80's.  "You get your wife back.  You get your job back.  You get your truck back.  You get your dog back."  Then everybody groans.  Who doesn't know that joke?
380976
You asked to hear something funny, so I thought I might tell this joke about a broken pencil.  But then I thought, nah that joke is just so pointless.\n\n\nHa Ha Ha
759394
Cute little 5 year old Daisy ...?\nSees a group of surly workmen turn up next door 2 build a house. She takes an interest & starts to talk to them. The builders with hearts of gold adopt her as a site mascot.\n\nAfter a week they present her with a pink hat & gloves, and even a wage packet of £5. Goodness says mummy smiling, are you working there next week ..?\n\nDaisy replies:\n\n"I think so mummy, provided the cnuts from Jewsons deliver the fcuking bricks!! "\n\n This joke brought to you by Bad B in the jokes/riddles section: hope you don't find it too offensive!!!!\n\nM  :  )
880562
The old joke I take it:\n\n2 cows in a field, one turns to the other and say's I've been artificiall inseminated. The other replies "Nah" , " yes straight up no bull."
1125888
Keep on reading my same old jokes-- I posteed some new ones.\n\nA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. \n\n"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." \n\nSix weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. \n\n"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" \n\n"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." \n\n"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house." \n\nWEIRD FACT OF THE DAY: The largest apple pie ever baked was forty by twenty three feet. \n\nON THIS DAY IN HISTORY: In 1919 1st issue of NY Daily News published. \n\nBORN ON THIS DAY: In 1956 - Chris Isaak (actor: Little Buddha, Silence of the Lambs, Married to the Mob, Twin Peaks; singer, songwriter: Wicked Game, Blue Hotel, LP: Silvertone). \n===========================================================================================================================\n\n\n\n So there was an american, a black guy and a mexican that found a genie who granted them each a wish. The black guy asked that he and all of his brothers in America be taken back to their homeland of Africa, so the genie did it. The mexican asked that all of his people in America be brought back to their homes in Mexico, so the genie did that as well. Then the american said: "So you mean to tell me that all of the blacks and mexicans are gone?" and the genie replied "Yeah"; so the american said "Well then i'll have a coke." \n\n ===========================================================================================================================\n\nA young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the\npharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom.\nI'm going\nto my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think\nI may be in\nwith a chance!"\n\nThe pharmacist gives him the condom and the\nyoung man leaves. He soon returns and says, "Give me\nanother condom because my girlfriend's sister is very\ncute too. She always crosses her legs in a\nprovocative manner when she sees me and I think I might\nstrike it lucky there too."\n\nThe pharmacist gives him a second condom and as\nthe boy is leaving he turns back and says,"Go on,\ngive me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is\nstill pretty cute and when she sees me she always\nmakes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think\nshe is expecting me to make a move!\n\nDuring dinner, the young man is sitting with his\ngirlfriend on his left, the sister on his right\nand the mum facing him.\n\nWhen the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head\nand starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner\nand thank you for all you give us."\n\nA minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank\nyou Lord for your kindness."\n\nTen minutes go by and the boy is still praying,\nkeeping his head down.\n\nThe others look at each other surprised and his\ngirlfriend is even more surprised than the\nothers.\nShe gets close to the boy and says in his ear,\n"I didn't know you were so reli
516896
like ur jokes bit whats the sperm one?
834706
Haha, my grandpa used to say that.  He also said: Once I thought I was wrong, but found I was mistaken.  Cute.\n\nI just HAD to add this comment to my answer: Don't you people realize the asker was joking? Good grief.
847345
awesome joke man....\nheres one 4 ya....\nbe an individual...just like everyone else
880198
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahaha....dats da gr8es joke ive heard in centuries...gud one...
790952
Ha Ha Ha....Pretty  old joke!!! Still as fresh as New Born Baby !! Yes ! This is one of my favorite joke and i Often use it in my 'Ventriloquism' Show its more than 20 years now !!! This one is undoubtedly my favorite and I always liked it !!!
846589
hey!!! i like the joke...but i feel like i heard it somewhere before...now where could that have been?!?! hehe! love it anyway!!
932255
good surprise punch line