How do I get out of a bad relationship that has kept me working at home for him for 5 years with no money home
153715
love isn't an unwielded 'feeling' you fall in & out of. it doesnt take much sometimes to know someone well enough you think to yourself, "hey, what i know of this man, i love.  the rest of him is just uncharted." and so you love him. years pass, he is relaxed, changes some, everyone does. you can decide at any time if you want to love forever. if you want to never give up, make that choice and dont look back. tell him you wont give up on him. sometimes this security alone can provoke the desire to provide for you. if you want to rest, you dont think you want to arrive at the end with him, then tell him your tired, you need some hope, filling a womans shoes is a full time job, tell him that it takes away from your job as a wife/other, as a woman, by trying to do his job too. remember that men are (alpha male syndrome) intimidated by ultimatums and making eye contact. dont be annoyed if he doesnt want to look you in the eye. if your honest, open, truthful without unnecessary insult, he'll hear you wherever hes looking, his response (maybe defensive at first) will help you decide, good or bad. you'll know if he's worth loving through his irresponsible years. you may even already. just dont waste another day, doubting yourself either way.    oh by the way, i think its cool that you'd seek input, wether you agree or not, for your situation. if more women shared openly and weren't so irrational/quick to cut you down, women would have more confidence in their relationships, knowing they have support.
308111
Before you give up ask yourself a few questions..is he working all those hours to benefit us as a family or to get away from home. Could he be unhappy also and not wanting to be a family unit. Next talk with him in a calm manner and ask him these questions after you have already answered them for yourself. From there see if this is going to be the best thing for your child as a whole and also you. Will you regret leaving and wished you would have stayed. Right now your lonely and think you would be better off alone but think of the long term and not the short term.............
825368
before I got rid of him, I would have him take out a  credit card and have him charge dinners, movies, clothes and all kinds of stuff for him and YOU, and bring it up real fast right up over the top of his limit...then leave him..and leave him with all his credit card bills...that should teach him...but if you say this is what you did....he will try to get you to pay for what he may say is your share of it....so do not buy anything for yourself.....fool him into buying presents for you..gifts..stuff that when people break up..they do not get back...\nand if he has a credit card now..just start doing it with that one...make sure you do it fairly fast and make to go over the limit then leave him...\nand do a BETTER job NEXT time...\ngo take a class at the college and look for guys taking a course so he is working toward his Masters..and try to hook up with one of those PROFESSIONAL type guys...\n\nsmile\ngood luck
871176
Recommend you see a professional marital counselor first, and a divorce lawyer, and "get your ducks in a row".\n\nI would recommend you do that as soon as you possibly can because your situation at home is not something a woman should be involved in.\n\nAs a nuetral third party observer I assume I'm one of many who have told you leave your abusive husband.\n\nI'm not familiar with the psychology of what you are going through and I understand from the few articles I have read you might be undergoing some sort of dependence or whatever. There are halfway houses or whatever, there are enough mechanisms society has put in place for these types of situations.
980776
My sister, \n\nLet me first say I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It takes courage to post a question like this and risk hearing answers you may not want to hear.\n\nYou need to get away from him.  I know this because I was in an abusive situation but I was married.  \n\nPlease open your heart to hear this the  best way you can.  You are a beautiful queen with a spirit who deserves the best in life. \nPhysical abuse and emotional abuse is wrong. Regardless of the reasons that he gives you for his actions.\n\nHe has real issues with anger and abuse because he was probably abused himself.  It still does not give him a right to abuse you.\n\nMy concern is with you.  Your heart knows that something is wrong.  I had to ask myself after I left my relationship.  What was it in me that allowed myself to stay even after I recognized something was wrong?  I ask you the same question.  No matter what has happened in your personal past that makes you feel bad about yourself, you can recover and build your self esteem to heal the wound.\n\nI say that because I have been there.  I will pray for you.  Get out and now and allow yourself to heal before entering another relationship.  You don't need to be with anyone.  Love yourself first.  Learn how to do that.  You deserve it.  Once you start to  love yourself you will be able to see exactly why leaving this relationship is a blessing.  \n\nFeel free to email me.  Call your local family violence shelter. I would also say to call a church.  Unfortunately there are a lot of Churches that don't have experience in domestic abuse.  So if you call there and it seems like no one understands you, that's one reason why.\n\nI know you can do this.  He has messed with your mind for 4 years and he knows how to get to you.  My heart hurts with you.\nTake Care of you.  Know that you are not alone.
814053
Don't worry about how you got there.  Just figure out how to get out.  First step is to get a job - any job, you are not making a lifetime commitment to the job so you can always change jobs when you find something better.  First concern is getting a paycheck and second is getting medical benefits.  Once you have a source of income. find a cheap place to live.  Get a small apartment, and keep expenses down.  You can eat cheaply by getting nothing ready-made.  Save whatever you can to give yourself some breathing space.  (The one luxury I recommend is pets, possibly two cats.  If you get two they can keep each other company and if you go to a rescue place you can get an older animal so you don't have to train a puppy or kitten.)  Improve your skills one at time so you can get better jobs or move up where you are. Sign up a community college and take one class at a time, or more if you can manage it.  (Besides improving yourself, that takes up time so you won't spend as much money doing other stuff.)  You are young, you don't need to have it all together at this point.  Just work on moving forward!
725577
Yes, I was in a marriage very similar to that, and my ultimate goal was to leave also, but I did the same thing as u and that was to try to save the money to leave so I could survive on my own but u know what, it was the worst mistake. The longer I stayed the more of my self-respect and self-worth I lost. I became a shell of myself. I couldn't handle it anymore and I prayed that I recieve the strength and courage to find the right words to say and the strength I needed to walk out the door without turning back. Within 2 days the words were coming out of my mouth without effort and I had the strength I had never had before. He flipped out and tryed to intimidate me to stay with him, but I left anyhow. I left with no job and no money, but u know what u survive. Friends and family were there to help me as they would u too. You can rebuild materialistic things and money but it's very difficult to rebuild self-worth. It's been 3 years since this happened to me and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. My only regret is that I waited so long to do it, and put my self through more abuse then I needed to. Money and stability doesnt bring happiness........that will come in time. Don't waste anymore of your life on this person. Good luck and I wish u the best.
204620
You don't need help, you need to dump him.  You don't need this loser in your life, you deserve better.  Kick him out of your life and find a man who will love and respect you.
1187406
well give some detail like how is he no good? At least you figured it out in a quick amount of time you didn't waste years I would just tell him that you don't want to be with him anymore it's that's simple, you don't deserve to be treated badly... drop the jerk and find someone that will treat you right.
747194
Help him, but not with money.  You can do some research and find debt counselors, even help him find a lower interest way to borrow money to pay his debt off.  But don't give him money.  Too many things can go wrong, and it's not worth ruining the relationship over.
69696
well I would move out cause It'll get worse, before it get better,if he thinks you stole his money,then he does'nt think much of you. sorry that your going through that, I hope it gets better for you, stay strong.
645356
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
133206
First of all you need to decide how long your going to support him? If he's not trying to better himself and your marriage then it's time to talk. Now days a couple can't make it on one income. I feel if your working he needs to take care of home. When did you become the maid? If he knew ahead of time you where moving he could of prepared better.
623542
this is not something simple. i've been through something similar to what you are talking about and got stuck in a 5 years relation just because i was afraid of leaving. By time he might get more and more agressive and possesive. My advice is to leave now and not to postpone but you should also learn how to stand up to what you think is right and where your benifit is. you should not leave your job because he's there, ignore him and if he does not like it then let him leave the job not you.... My heart is with you take good care
392437
They don't always let you down, but your boyfriend surely is.  Why isn't he working?  I know you know this, but he won't change.  You don't have to move home, but you might want to move out of this relationship.  And take him off of your accounts!\n\nGood luck.
670046
Listen honey I have been in a bad relationship myself and know where you arecoming from you have to stand up for yourself and move on you say you can't leacve Why? they have got you to the point where you are wallowing in self pity just as they like you. What is happening here is domestic abuse and it has to end before you end first. For your childrens sake leave him if he don't like it tell him where to go ****himself or tell him if he loves you to stand up to his family for you though from the sound of it he is week as s**t no man should ever allow anyone including his family to run you down. I wish i could do more for you but sadly I can't if you need to chat though send me an email and I will keep chatting and offering no strings advice I am a voluntary member of the samaritans and will make timwe to chat if you need me.
1153493
Absolutely NO ONE deserves to be abused, no matter what the abuser says. Get out ASAP before things get much worse. Go to a shelter. Go to your parents, if you can. Go to a friends place, if you can. Go to your church, if you go to one. If there are kids involved, take them to the shelter with you because without you there, he could abuse them in your place and blame them for you leaving. There are always ways to get out, with or without money. There is NO excuse good enough to stay in a relationship where there is abuse. I know. I have been in that situation.