how do i get  out of a bad marriage he is mentally abusive?
146154
pack your stuff and leave while he is gone. leave a note or what ever you like. file for divorce and a TRO at teh same time
771421
Good for you for making the very difficult decision to leave. I don't know if you have gone to counseling. That can be a good step in moving on. Some shelters for abused women have free counseling programs even for women who have not lived there. Also there are often non-profit counseling centres. If you are in North America call 211 or your local community information center for more details.\n\nI had a bad five year relationship that began to be physically abusive by the end. In my situation, I found that talking to an experienced counselor helped. I also got involved in activities that I had let slide when I was with my ex. I spent a lot of time reconnecting with old friends. It's a good time to explore new hobbies too. If you can't think of one, think of what you most loved doing as a child (painting, singing, writing...) and maybe take something like that up again. This is your time to find out more about you. I wish you all the best!
603604
You're not stupid for wanting to stay. You cared about this guy enough to try to build a family with him, and you put up with abuse because you didn't want to give up on him or your marriage. Those sort of motivations are wonderful.\n\nBut the fact is that your staying in an abusive situation does not help him or you or your kids. He has no reason to change, you are getting hurt, and the example of your relationship is what your kids will grow up thinking is "normal," so they'll be prone to repeat it.\n\nTake things one step at a time. Don't look at it as "ending your relationship with your husband" -- that might occur, you might not be able to avoid it, but that's something way down the road. Don't think about that. Your first step should be to get help, from a counselor or social worker, and they can work with you to determine what the next step is. \n\nYou are in a difficult situation, with kids to think about and an ongoing pregnancy, so I know it's hard to uproot your family in order to deal with the problems... but it will only get worse if you don't. \n\nFind someone face to face with who you can talk freely and get help from. You will need lots of support and safety to make this change.
397885
If you love him enough to put up with physical violence then you are the one who needs help. You shouldn't leave your spouse because they become mentally ill, but you should the day he started slapping you. Also, if he doesn't want to take an active part in his treatment and recovery(ie taking his medicine on his own) then you should definitely leave him because he doesn't love you enough to want to stop hurting you. I am mentally ill and I am all for helping and understanding people with these illnesses, but violence is not accaptable.
451234
What you are describing is an abusive man.\n1. You do everything for him\n2. He never does anything\n3. When he doesn't get his way he threatens to leave, but doesn't\nI'm sure this is just the tip of the iceburg. He sounds very controlling.\n\nWomen in your situation often only find the strength to move on when they've met another man. It could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Please ask your new man to wait.\n\nSometime when you're sure you are alone check out the National Domestic Violence (abuse) Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and their site at http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.html Be sure he's not around or do it at someone elses house so you are safe. They can give you the number for your local program. These people are trained to help you with housing, social services, Family Court, etc. \n\nI pray you will put the new guy on hold until you get your life on track for you and your kids. God Bless!
266026
veena_2017satishkumar,\n\nDon’t allow anyone to treat you that way. He cannot do it without your permission. You suffer from low self esteem, or he wouldn’t even think of hitting you. The fact that you tolerate this misbehavior is regrettable.\n\nYour marriage is worth saving, but you must stop the violence, or it will only escalate. Your 2 children need to see a healthy marriage with 2 parents that love each other and love them. Set a good example for your children, so they will enjoy healthy relationships in the future. Teach them to stand against evil and win.\n\nI was married for 20 years and there were many problems for about 10 of those years, but I never hit my wife. Clearly a man has superior strength, but it is not right to use it to win an argument or to control another person.\n\nI will say a prayer for you. God bless.
290732
Having a physically abusing wife is serious and dangerous not to mention demeaning to you.  While it may not be reported often, because of the stigmatism associated with a man being beat by a woman, it doesn't mean that its not as serious.  \n\nDomestic violence of any kind is very serious, and there are support groups, shelters, and counselors that can help you.  \n\nPlease seek a family counselor to help you get over your physically abusive wife.  You will either help her to stop abusing you, or you will need to leave the marriage for your safety and protection.\n\nPlease call a counselor, speak to your religious leader, or go to a support group in your area.  \n\nDo not ignore this or try to handle it alone.  You should talk to someone about this.  \n\nPraying for your safety and peace.\n\n:o)
634395
Honey it is time to step and ask yourself do you want to life like this. He is not only abusive but controlling. It will not get any better................
386969
both. he is emotionally abusive, and you don't need to put up with it.  find a friend or someone to stay with while you save money to get your own place. then if he changes, then keep your own place, and allow yourself to Maybe hang out at his place with him.  that way if he acts bad in any way you can leave and show him it's not a permitable activity
1181454
SERIOUSLY, GET HELP NOW AND GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. THIS IS CALLED ABUSE, AND HE IS OBVIOUSLY AN ABUSER. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. GET OUT, GET HELP, GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I BEEN THERE DONE THAT, AND I SPENT SIX YEARS WITH AN ABUSER. AT FIRST IT IS ONLY WORDS. THEN IT'S SLAPS, AND THEN BEATINGS. IF YOU STAY, YOU WILL END UP SERIOUSLY HURT OR DEAD. THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE OF HIM, & YOU SHOULD GET TO IT. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LAME, BUT GET COUNSELING IMMEDIATELY. FRIENDS, FAMILY, WHOEVER. I LOST SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE TO A LOSER. HE HAD ME TOTALLY CONVINCED THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD EVER WANT ME AND I DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT I GOT. I HAD NO SELF ESTEEM AND NO SELF RESPECT. I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS AND MOST OF MY FAMILY BECAUSE OF THAT LOSER. THE ONLY THING THAT OPENED MY EYES AND SAVED MY LIFE WAS GETTING PREGNANT, AND REALIZING THAT I DID NOT WANT MY CHILD TO LIVE WITH HIM TELLING HER THAT SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH, & HIM BEATING ON HER & EVENTUALLY LOSING MINE OR HER OR BOTH OF OUR LIVES  BECAUSE HE JUST WENT "A LITTLE TOO FAR" WITH THE BEATINGS ONE DAY. PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN. THERE IS NO REASON ON EARTH FOR YOU TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GET HELP & GET OUT. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN HELP YOURSELF, AND IN THE LONG RUN, IT WILL BE WELL WORTH IT. DON'T BE STUPID & WAIT LIKE I DID.
171397
I would reccomend that you do some real tough self analysis, Im not suggesting that your nuts, Im talking about looking deep within yourself to see why you want to be with this man? Your evidence is ;\nhe has been emotionaly abusive to your children.\nhe has been emotionaly abusive to you\nhe may be trying to get you to do things you dont want to  \n          He knows you and you know him, ask yourself, do I want to go through this again, do I think he will be good to my children this time?\n          It sounds to me like he has many issue's to work out before he could be a good husband and father. I'm sorry if this sounds very judgmental, but I have very little patience for abusors. I feel that the victims of abuse need to be taken care of first and kept safe. If he wants to become a person who will be good for you and your kids let him do it first then consider reconciliation.\n     This way you will not have to deal with more abuse from him, no one needs hear put downs from their family, and you wont have to deal with any guilt you would have for allowing him into the lives of your children and him doing more emotional damage to them.
1040285
sure - just step away from it  - mentally get yourself involved with other things and then try and get a different perspective on it .\nIf there is physical abuse then (if your able, get out fast) but if it's emotional even cheating - go for outside help
813755
Just remember that you always have control over your own situation.  If you are in a bad marriage don't be afraid to leave.  Get out of that comfort zone and don't let fear of the unknown stop you.
861288
well a hard question, but if you have tried everything and talked to your husband about how you feel and he wont change then its time to end it.\nbe careful the fact that he digrades you and belittles you publicly is often the early signs of an abusive man. he is on a power trip and whats you to feel bad about yourself and make you think everything that happens to go wrong is your fault. once he gets you comfortablw with the he may get physically abusive to you. or else he may threaten to or actually harm your children. \nbe careful and make a plan for your exit. once you make up your mind you need to follow through and leave and don't ever look back\nif you want to talk to someone you can email me. ive been there and im out now.
228280
Yes this is domestic abuse. It usually get worst no better if he do not get help. Try to get out as soon as you can but if you can not....\n\n1.take pictures of injuries- this can be use later if you need to go to court.\n2.Let someone know what is going on- incause something happen to you.\n3.Try save up some money, and extra fifty from the bill money (tape it under a draw.\n4.call the police, if it a shared space the police will take him to jail and you can get a restraining order.\n\nGood luck
368159
The first thing you need to do is either divorce him or get a legal separation.  You don't have to know where he is... you might even be able to get the marriage.  An attorney will help you with this and it's not expensive, most even have payment plans now.\n\nAs far as the way he treated you..... the best thing to do is treat yourself really well.  Realize that you made a mistake, but you were smart enough to get out of it.  It happens.  \n\nRemember that the hurtful things were not really about you at all... they were about him feeling inadequate.  Bad men do these things to try and control women.  He needed to put you down so that he felt better about himself.  Be aware of the way you got to where you are and don't let it become a pattern.  Heal yourself before you get into another relationship or you'll end up with the same kind of guy.\n\nBad things really can happen to good people sweetie, don't blame yourself, head up, heart strong, and move on.
718919
Do not feel ignorant. Abuse comes in many forms, and unless your husband gets help FAST, things will escalate. He has control issues, and feels very insecure about everything. Most abusers are insecure, and feel that violence is the only way to keep the things they love from leaving. But in actuality all it does is FORCE the things they love further away from them. I strongly suggest getting help, and if he refuses...you need to leave before things get worse. Without help, eventually your relationship with him will crumble to the point of nonexistance. There is no excuse for being violent with someone, and stress happens to everyone. Not everyone gets ready to beat the crap out of their wife/ mate however when the situation gets hairy. Once again, get him some help before its too late, or leave and work on you. Huge hugs, and best of luck.