Separated. Husband's madly in love. Thinks divorce is end of world. I'm not in love. No kids. How to break up?
146650
That is a tough one.\n\nYou can't make everyone happy, only yourself. If it's time to move on then that's exactly what you have to do. while he may not understand now, he'll eventually move on too.
1040358
Before you break up, go see a marriage counselor. Sit down and discuss everything together. Get the children a chance to sit down and talk about what they are thinking about, worried about, also.\n\nGood luck.\n\nIf you all can learn to love and live together as a family, and it is worth the battle to get there, life can be wonderful.
809905
Sounds like you need space for yourself. Dump the husband since he isn't working with the reconciliation. Then give your self space. Don't let this other guy enter your life too quickly, sounds like he did just that when you were separated. When you are stable from the finalized divorce, then look at your prospects.
558373
Get out now.  The longer you drag it on the worse it will be.  No job is worth giving up your happieness either.  You do not want to be in a marriage when you don't love someone.  Trust me I know.  I'm married with two kids and not in love with my husband anymore.  If I'd have known what I know now....
225375
No one wants to be alone so I can understand your fear.  Daydreaming about being single and dating all over again?  Well you say that your husband was the only man you were with so your inexperience with the dating schene may be a little distorted.  Now I am not saying if you split up that you would not be able to find someone else.  But the dating schene has changed in 18 yrs.  Also, having kids and expecting someone to accept them can be a concern, but there are men out there that will.  I guess what I am saying is that when you daydream about something and then act on it, you may wind up in a nightmare.\n\nAs for the marriage, it is tough when one individual feels as if they put out more than the other.  I will assume that you have talked to your husband about this since you say you separated several times.  I will also assume that you have been to counseling to help in solving your issues.  But I still think you can find happiness in your marriage.  \n\nDo you feel as if your husband if asked would be willing to change???  Are you willing to examine what is bothering you inside about being with your husband???  Do you understand what divorce can do to children caught in the middle???  There are consequences to every action and dissolving a marriage is very serious.  If there has been violence or infidelity then I can understand.  I am not saying that these two reasons are automatic divorce, but they make a strong arguement for leaving.  Any other reason I think can be helped.  You say you give a 75% more than him.  Well If you gave that to solving the problems even if you were the only one initiating the change could go a long way.  You just can't continue to do what you have done in the past.  \nSpliting up didn't seem to work for you as you came back together, so your daydream must have not been your reality.\nI think you need counseling and he definitely needs to be involved.  I wish I had an answer on how to approach this.  But I would say just don't give up for the sake of giving up.  Some how you have to let him know how important this is to you.\n\nIt is up to you if you want to keep the security and comfort of your marriage.  It is not impossible to start a new relationship.  A lot of people here at answers make it seem like getting a divorce and remarrying is easy.  I don't agree with this and it is tough when you are on your own.  So beware of the advice you may receive and try to work on what you know and not dream about the unknown.  \n\nWell once again, Good luck and I'll pray for you\n\nWT
722957
Be VERY sure that it is love and not lust. I made the mistake of thinking it was love and divorced. BIGGEST, BIGGEST, mistake of my life. Now I'm married to the jerk!
651015
IM BISEXUAL AND LOVE A MARRIED MAN. STRANGE RIGHT? I KNOW. NO SEX INVOLVED. THIS IS A STICKY SITUATION AND ONE THAT SHOULD NOT INVOLVE YOU. IM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HIM. HE NEEDS SPACE AND HE MADE THIS PART OF THE MESS AND PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO SUBJECT YOU TO THE FUCKING DRAMA.MY ADVISE IS TO LEAVE AND MOVE OUT. HE NEEDS TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS AND YOU LET HIM. IF HE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM THINGS WILL WORK THEMSELVES OUT. IF NOT, THEN YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. EVER HEARD "ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR"? I GUESS IT IS.YOU WALK OUT AND SAY GIVE IT A YEAR, CAUSE DIVORCE IS MESSY.AND IN THIS CASE IT DEFINITELY IS. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE LET THEM GO. IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU THEN....THEY ARE YOURS..{SMILE I KNOW YOU ARE SAD} . BE STRONG GIRL,LOL HOPE THIS HELPS.LOL MEXXXI
74245
- - - S E P E R A T I O N - - -\n\nI can't think of anything else but to be seperated for a time being and then get back together... \n\nIf the case is too much then we all know that its bad and how do you stop it? SEPERATE THE BAD THING AND MOVE ON!
727782
Stop whining...Is life good for you?  If yes, then let it go, it's only been 1 1/2 years.  I could see if you were past 3 or 5 years.  Give the man time.  You have obviously never been through divorce before.  He's gone through it twice!  Do you know what that does to a person?  Give it a rest for a little while and if it's meant to be it will be.
1128347
Well, as a wife and mother of 5 children and married for 23 yrs...I can honestly say love is unconditional and is sometimes a rollercoaster...if you are not already married, you still have a choice...but do know this friend..."what once was, can be again"...sometimes you have to return to your first love..the things you did...what you said...how you treated each other...now, if those "things" you refer to are harrassing, violence, and such...a sit down talk in a "neutral" spot is the answer there. Be honest if this must be done...be specific..& don't leave it "open ended"...like "we'll see"...I need space for now...needs to be clean cut...best of everything!
418539
I don't believe you should break up with him if you both care about each other.  Sit down together and go over your schedules.  See what free time you both have availabe and make set plans to see each other at these times.  Also make sure the time you spend together is put to good use.  Go places together like the movies, dinner etc don't just waste it.\n\nBreaking up is not the answer, many married couples both have full time jobs or even two jobs plus children if the all split because they couldn't be bothered making the effort it would be a pretty sad state of affairs.\n\nA commited relationship is always requires a bit of hard work and some fine tuning until you get things running smoothly :)
753022
You should have both settled on the children issue BEFORE marrying. There is no excuse for this issue to be surfacing now, shame on you both for not addressing it before you ever committed to each other.\n\nNow you are stuck. Since he does not want children and you do, the only recourse you have is divorce.
692292
You haven't said anything that makes it sound as if you should take him back.  And as Dr. Phil says, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one.  Why on earth would you want to take him back if he hasn't been good to you and your kids?  And what's the story with your husband - are you still with him or planning on leaving him?
894478
First of all, love is not a feeling. Love is not about feeling happy or not feeling happy with our spouses. If not being happy at the current time was a reason for divorce, then, we'd have even higher divorce rates.\n\nIt seems you can immediately help yourself by making the decision to be in the moment with your husband as fully yourself. Don't hide yourself, don't pretend to be something you're not...but just be your genuine self.\n\nIf you are feeling this way about your marriage, the chances are good that your husband may be feeling some of the same feelings.\n\nLove is a decision to be committed and to stay committed. Love is a commitment. Be committed to being your honest genuine self, and be committed to being in your marriage as your genuine honest self.\n\nIf you can do this, your relationship is bound to improve. If not, then you can think about other alternatives. But till then, I'm afraid you haven't earned the right to leave
655907
Sounds to me like Mark is dragging is feet, afterall, you has his cake and is eating it too.  You divorced for one reason or another.  What makes you think that it will work this time.  The past will hinder any happiness that you two may have together.  You should think real hard on this issue and decide if you can go thru with it or not.  If you can't, leave before it's too late.
619680
You don't have two personalities what you do have is a part of you that desires intimacy and affection. I think you are torn between your values and your emotional and physical needs. I have to commend you for your commitment to your marriage but how do you do it if he is so far away?  As much as you have all the best intentions I can't imagine having my husband in another country it would make me feel like i wasn't married. Does your husband have plans on coming home soon? If he doesn't and you do find the courage to separate from your husband it does not mean you didn't try to make it work or did something wrong. Unless the way you feel right now changes. If the need for an intimate relationship still haunts you, you have to seriously consider moving on so you can be whole again.
121113
Divorce is the easy way out. But it is a BAD choice.\n\nDo EVERYTHING that you can to make your marriage work.