Does anyone else have a hard time making close friends and have they overcome shyness?
155817
I find that my self conscienceness doesn't allow me to trust many.  I am 35 and still very quiet and shy.  Close friends are very far and few between.  I only have 1 best friend and I can joke with just about anyone @ work.  But when in public, I am very submissive and self conscience.  I do believe that it henders my ability to have a lot of aquaintances, but I enjoy my alone time and I do not want a bunch of people up in my business.  It is a hard thing to overcome and if people stop talking to you and  give you the "cold shoulder" if you will, then they don't deserve to have your attention,..
1061951
What helped me was someone telling me that shyness is really a form of self-centeredness. If you think about it, people you encounter don't really care even a fraction as much as you do about how you come across. They have their own problems, concerns, etc. to think about. In fact, many of them are probably shy themselves but may be a little bit better at hiding it. \n\nIn group situations, shyness is a form of selfishness. You've got a lot to offer (your unique outlook, life experiences, advice, etc.) and to withhold it from others is selfish. So resolve to share more of what you have instead of keeping it to yourself...thats one way of overcoming it.\n\nOne of my friends joined Toastmasters International. Its an organization with social events in which people take turns giving toasts--its good practice for public speaking, especially when you realize how many people are also nervous and shy about expressing themselves! Similarly, you can sign up for acting/improvisation workshops. You can learn techniques there to get over your self-imposed inhibitions as well as how to be and project an image of being open and outgoing (one tip: learning to listen to others and respond accordingly.)\n\nGood luck!
1093864
I myself was a major shy freak when it came up to standing in front of people....it advanced to my being unable to be around certain people..I started medicating myself with booze...Helped alot..but it's not the answer.  You may have a medical condition..a chemical imbalance.  Check with your doctor.  I use xxanax.  It helped me so much.  I am able to go out in the world again.  Alot of people have this problem but just think they are weird....So please see your doctor...tell him you need help.
1079186
First, make the decision that you are not going to be shy.  Believing that you are shy, or somehow not as worthy as others around you will make you continue to be shy.\n\nSecond, start slowly, by giving yourself an assignment.  Try making small talk to one new person.  Practice at home when you are alone, so you have some things ready to say.\n\nThird, try finding an activity that interests you, so you will meet people with the same interest.  Then you have a topic to start talking about.\n\nThat is how I overcame my shyness.  (It also helped when I turned forty and stopped caring what other people thought about me!)
753187
I think shy people tend to only talk when they are spoken to first.  They avoid eye contact, and probably look uncomfortable if they are in a situation where they don't know many people.  I'm extremely shy (around people I don't know), and I've been told that I come off "mean" and act like I'm "better than everyone else" when really, I just can't get the courage up to talk to anyone!
812210
Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia\nShyness, (sometimes inaccurately called 'social phobia'), affects most people at some time in their life. Young people in particular find overcoming shyness difficult as they improve their social skills. And for some, shyness seems to persist into adult life, almost as if it has become a 'habit'.\n\nShyness has its roots in self consciousness and usually dissipates as people mature and become more experienced. However, for some it can 'stick', and then action is required.\n\nAlthough most people think in terms of 'overcoming shyness', it is more likely that you will become comfortable in social situations by learning the strategies of self confidence along with social skills. Then, shyness is no longer the issue, as social nerves will melt away as a new 'habit' takes their place.\n\nShyness versus Social Phobia\n\nIt is my personal opinion that social phobia is too often diagnosed where people are simply experiencing natural shyness. It is perfectly natural to be a little timid in a situation where you don't yet know the 'rules', or what to do. In fact, most people experience some degree of nerves when, say going to meet friends, especially if it is somewhere they haven't been before, or someone new will be there.\n\nWe have to be very careful not to assume that there is something wrong with this. Social nerves are natural, as long as they don't get out of hand. Focusing on them and making them into a 'big thing' will only make matters worse.\n\nWhen learning about social situations, young people need the chance to find their own way, without being labeled with 'social phobia'. This is not to say that social phobia does not exist; I know it does because I have worked with people suffering from it. However, in the vast majority of cases, the solution is social skills training, and perhaps relaxation and rehearsal, rather than drugs.\n\nIf a person can maintain a degree of calmness in a situation, then they are much more likely to be able to learn about how the situation works. However, if they are highly anxious and internally focused, both their emotional state and focus of attention will make it more difficult to pick up on subtle social cues.\n\nThe other key point about overcoming shyness is that most of socialising is an unconscious process. That doesn't mean you should be asleep when you're doing it (tell that to people I speak to at parties ;-), it simply means that much of human communication is non-verbal. That is, 'it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it'.\n\nIf you become highly anxious, this will tend to focus your conscious mind on your immediate environment, getting in the way of those unconscious processes.\nTips For Overcoming Shyness\nCheck out the tips in the article on self consciousness, particularly the ones to do with where you focus your attention.\n\n    * Practise becoming fascinated by other people. Ask them about themselves, and concentrate when they answer you. Remember what they tell you about themselves so you can talk about it later, or on another occasion.\n\n\n    * Great socialisers make other people feel comfortable and interesting. How do they do that? By being really, genuinely interested in other people. If you are talking to someone and you feel boring or inferior, ask why that is. Is it really all your fault?\n\n\n    * Practise using fewer 'personal pronouns' when you talk about things. Sentences beginning with 'I' are not only a turn-off for the listener, they also keep the focus of attention on you, which increases shyness. (Note: Of course, part of friendship is giving away things about yourself, but only when you feel it is appropriate to do so.)\n\n\n    * Remember that the way to overcome shyness is to focus elsewhere. Like on imagining what it will be like to really enjoy the social event, on how it will feel to be fu
1018783
just try to talk to people i had the same problem i know it can be hard but just be as nice as possible
489449
Although it is important to be nice to everyone, you need not try to be friends to just any one. Rememember, it is better to have one or two close friends that share your values than to have many friends that might want to use or exploit you. \n\nDevelope your hobbies and interest that will bring you into contact with others that share your values.  If you are the new person in a school, church, neighborhood club,etc  and you feel left out of the group, seek out another new person or others that do not seem to have friends and start your own click. Always choose your friends rather than having people choose you.  Be happy doing things alone until you do develop friendships. You don't need friends to go out to eat, go to a movie and such.\n\nAs far as being courage to be friendly, "fake it 'till it comes."  Tell your self everyday, "I am a wonderful person. I can be friendly. I may not be perfect, but no one is. Others may reject my friendship, but it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with me."   Also, make a list of the things you are fearful of doing such as smileing, saying hi, inviting someone for lunch etc.  Start by doing the least fearful on your list. Do it while afraid until you are no longer fearful.  Than move on to the next item. Do that until you gain confidence. In other words, take baby steps.  \n\nIf you continue to have trouble making friend, you might want to seek treatment for social phobia.
202881
Shyness is all in the mind. I should know... I'm a shy type of person myself. An people think that I'm a snob because of this. The best thing to do is develop self-confidence and try to mingle with people. Just always remember that we are all born equal... So you don't have to be shy in front of a stranger because we are all human beings dwelling in this world. And whenever you found yourself being shy, try to think that you are not. Remember, what you think about yourself reflects... Smile!
162344
Everyone feels shy sometimes, but being too shy can hamper many aspects of your life.\n \n \nSteps:\n1.  Determine why you're shy in the first place. For example, are you scared of what someone might say about your physical appearance? Remember, there's an underlying reason for how you react in situations.\n \n2.  Act as if you're not shy. In private, behave as if you're oozing confidence. Hold your chin up, stick your chest out, add a swagger to your walk and speak firmly. It may seem ridiculous, but you will see results when you're out in public.\n \n3.  Practice making eye contact and smiling in your interactions with others. Strike up casual conversations with strangers about weather or current events.\n \n4.  Look your best. One way to improve self-consciousness is to always look good and limit ways you can be self-critical.\n \n5.  Lower your fear of rejection by imagining the worst possible outcome. If you approach someone, they may say "no" or they may just walk away. Absolutely everybody has been rejected at some point, but no one has to dwell on it.\n \n6.  Look and learn. Watching friends or even strangers who aren't shy is a good way to learn some tips first-hand.\n \n7.  Feel positive about yourself, don't get frustrated and have fun. Remember, the real goal is to find someone who will like you for who you are.
1059069
ME, BUT U CAN MAKE FRIENDS EASILY IT AINT THAT HARD SO I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT IT!! IIGHT!!!!!!
505585
Four years of friendship without dating is a long time. Shyness is definitely a social handicap. To break the ice of shyness could take a tremendous, some say a super human effort. Yet it needs to be done. Just prepare yourself for any pain that might follow after making a bold move. You and him just don't want to get hurt. Unfortunately there is a lot of emotional pain ln life. As soon as you realize this simple truth, you will be stronger and hopefully able to handle any kind of emotional hardship. It's called growing up.
982770
I feel your pain--I was so shy when I was your age I would panic if someone talked to me, or a friend called me on the phone.  It was terrible.\n\nI am not sure by your question if you are wanting to overcome your shyness, but what I did was started reading books (back then we didnt have the internet) on public speaking, making friends, what to say in social settings, how to make small talk, etc.  I also read up on self esteem building, and many years later I feel comfortable in public settings, and also have done several public speaking engagements in my field.\n\nI am not saying you should NOT be shy or change how you are.  If you are comfortable with who you are, and your friends are not, then find friends who respect you for who you are.  I chose to overcome my shyness because it really was limiting my life.\n\nGood luck!  You have a great life ahead of you!
229691
Probably the same reason I do.  I have a hard time being out going.  But you can work on it.  Just asert yourself, people WANT to be around you trust me I know.
973244
i sometimes feel this way. i don't feel like I am that shy of a person, but I guess other people think I am very shy. and then when boys I like tell me to be myself and say what I want, I get flustered and say things like "i don't know" even though I have a full journal of stuff I would love to tell them. I don't know why it is so hard for me to speak up in certain social situations. I have things to say, and sometimes I start talking, but then like you said, the more aggressive/louder person takes the conversation over. I guess you and I both just have to try harder to speak our minds and not think so much about what other people will think. Easier said than done though... I hate being shy and I don't know how to get rid of it. and it certainly causes problems in meeting men. so u aren't the only one out there with this issue
177619
Because if you are like me, when I'm around people I don't seem to fit in.  I am not very sociable mainly because I am shy.  I am not not good with small talk.  When I am home I am not under all the pressure of trying to fit in and be sociable.
737625
yes. i have social fobia. Not so strong but definitively restrains me to showing people how much i´m worth and what a good and nice person I am. It´s very difficult to accept it, not to  mention how hard it is to live with it. But I´m trying to lose some weight and going through some therapy to see if it works.\nthank u.