my boyfriend wants me to sit at home after marriage. should i say goodbye to him or to my career?
150157
The fact that you posted this question means that you want to continue working. Have you discussed this with him? If you have, and he refuses to budge about letting you work, then you really need to question your relationship with him. I also have to wonder if he is pressuring you to give up your time with friends and family, too. Does he get upset when you are on the phone too long? Or irritated when it takes you too long at the store? Does he insist on going everywhere with you? All of these things are warning signs that he is controlling, and possesive. Be careful! They are also things that lead to abusive relationships. If he just simply wants you to give up your career, and won't budge about letting you do what you want, you need to ask yourself if you can live like that, or if it's time to move on and find someone who will encourage you to succeed.
433076
It really depends on the nature of the question. 1) Do you really love him and feel that you two will be able to grow old together? 2)What are your future plans? (ie: School, travelling, Career advancement? Marriage is a big step, its a promise and lifetime (supposed to be) committment.  Once you marry you can't think of yourself anymore you are committed to another person and that pretty much hinders your ability to do things you normally would do single (party with friends, hang out etc etc).  I'm not saying all marraiges are going to stop this from happening.  Just think about it more wisely and ask yourself are you at the point where you can settle down.
1096082
you already know the answer. you will leave him or start cheating yourself to get even. your decision is to leave with your dignity or not.
246861
your husband sounds like a loser\ni think you need to leave him for someone who will come home to you
1154731
that all depends on you and your spouse! if you are secure with staying at home taking care of the family then stay, but if you want to work then work! this is something you and your spouse should discuss
1186591
id say if you cant spice up your relationship enough to where you want to stay together, then their you go. You answered your own question. Its time to call it quits.
645356
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
853933
You said you're working on the relationship, but if he isn't, it probably isn't worth while.  If he has been like this forever, and you thought you could change him....yep, think again.   If he is as self centered as it sounds,  you moving out probably just gave him more free time to do what he wants.  Don't kill yourself working it out if he won't give 110% also.  Habits are hard to break, and no one is perfect, but feeling like dirt on the bottom of somebones shoe is not expected.  Your girls should be learning repects from both parents.
741691
I think, if your husband has been honest, and has told you he is happy with your arrangement, then I do not see why this is up for discussion with your GF's?  As to their thinking you should "give up your career", what kind of conversations are you having with your gf's?  I say leave well enough alone.  If your arrangement is working for you two, then its your business, try keeping it that way by not discussing it with people who have no reason to be included in the decision making process.  If you have some question as to whether your husband is really happy or unhappy, try asking him DIRECTLY and not using your gf's as go betweens, ok?  OK!  Good luck!
1061760
Do not move across the country with a boyfriend.\nYou shouldn't move in with a boyfriend.\nIf you do you are setting yourself up for a big fall.\nWhy would you commit to him if you are not serious enough to marry.  If you are too young to marry. Also too young to move in together.\nIf you don't know each other well enough to Marry,  You don't know each other well enough to move in together.\n\nDon't play house! \n If he is not committed to you and you are not committed to him \n(I mean Married, not engaged) Why do you want to even exclude the chance of meeting someone else who you will want to marry and who will want to marry you.\n\nIf you move in with him.  You will probably share a bank account,  When you split he'll take the money and you will keep the bills.  You'll get pregnant and He'll take a hike and You will keep the baby.  OK now that you are a broke, single, mother, living across the country away from all of your friends and family or any other support system.  You can't even date, you can't afford a babysitter.  You can't even meet anyone for a couple of years because you will be so busy taking care of junior.\n\nOK finally you start to date again but you settle for someone who is not right for you because after all, you are now damaged goods, You know, Bills, Baby, Low Self esteem.  \n\nOK have a baby with him also and catch a venereal disease on top if it.  Well he wasn't right for you anyhow. you settled for someone because you thought you couldn't do better.  So after seeing that he really is a jerk, you break up with him.\n\nGet the drift. Stand up for yourself Now.  Tell him that you hope he likes his new home and that he can email you if he likes.  Bye\n\nAnd make a life for yourself now while you are single,  hopeful, young, and the possibilities of the whole world are there for you if you want them bad enough.  Don't mess up your life.\n\nDate nice Gentlemen who will wait to have sex with you until after you are married, if you will accept their proposal, because you are not that type (and don't be that type).  Stay pure in thought and actions. Go to church if you have one, do some volunteer work.  It helps to help someone.\n\nHave a Great Life!  You Deserve it!  Claim it for yourself.\n\nGod Bless You
529801
Well you just cannot continue this pattern first of all. It seems to me that he has changed quite a bit so if the only thing you have a problem with now is that he will not help around the house you need to decide if him not helping around the house is worth your family and marriage. If you feel that it matters that much to you that he help around the house then yes leave after you seek counseling. You owe it to the children to use every resource available to make your family work. But if it is not going to then atleast you done everything possible.
1160198
Say...BYE  BYE.......Shes gone........Maybe during you're " confusing emotions about you're marriage, and  " figuring out what to do", You should have done them.......at home, with the actual person....You-re wife, The solution was between you and you're wife, not some other woman. Just be glad you don't have any kids dragged in.
165966
To be completely honest, I think that people do judge women who choose not to work after they're married, since housework doesn't accumulate as readily in comparison to when one has children.\nI think that the other reply that "doing whatever makes your husband happy" is a bad/chavanistic response.  You should do what makes you happy to.  And if you are and your husband is satisfied as well, that's a benefit.  Overall, do whatever you feel you want to do.  It's your opinion that counts!
876537
I know you do not sit on your ass all day but yes my husband says the same shit you know what i did i quite doing the house work for one day and he came home and know he knows that i do not sit on my ass all day that i acutally do work OH YEAH and did i mentioned that he stayed home with the kids one day while i had to go to school. SO back to the question NO if you want to stay at home and take care of her by all means do it. SHE will learn so much from you while at home. MY son can do so much and he learned alot with me and he knows more then some kids because i tought him while staying at home. YOU need to make your boyfriend do all the things that you do make a day were he does not have to work and make him DO EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO and you do not do a damn thing to help him. MAKE HIM SEE WHAT YOU REALLY DO.\ngood luck i know how you feel.
1122416
I guess you have already tried talking to him. What does he think is "ridiculous", you wanting him to help? I can only tell you what I would do. I would sit him down and tell him " As long as we BOTH have to work two jobs, I am not going to be the only one taking care of everything around the house. If you want a housewife, then you need to support one. Otherwise, we share the chores just like we share the bills". If he cannot see the logic in that, I would be considering leaving. There is no way I would allow myself to be treated that way.
916269
You have a right to be upset with him since things are no longer "just about you" or "just about me". Marriage means decisions effect both of you. You're also allowed to be upset that you can't get a job that might be better for you until after this is settled.\nHe should have been more patient or at least come home and discussed it with you before he quit. Leaving like that and losing that source of income jeopardizes you both. This is something he should have considered. On one hand, you want to be happy in your job and you want to have coworkers that appreciate you BUT, you also need to have a job before you leave one.\nAs for being selfish- you both are to an extent. Its not something to be completely ashamed of- just because you're married doesn't mean you can't think about you...it just means you have to keep you both in consideration.\nWhatever you do, the best thing to do right now is just to be supportive of him. Let him know that it upset you that he didn't talk with you about it first but, don't place blame and don't discard the fact that maybe he really couldn't stay any longer. Good luck
245095
It depends on a lot of things and you didn't give any details. If you want to move to another state then go ahead and move. If you are only moving for your boyfriend then you have somethings to consider: Are you moving because this is the guy you want to marry or is this just a guy your not looking for that from? Will you have a job, be able to support yourself and get your own place? Does he want you to move with him? Do you have strong family and friends ties that you will be leaving? Are there children involved? Good luck with your decision.