If Im gay but not out and have to move back with my parents Do I tell them?
152739
Coming out to your parents can be a tricky thing…especially if you’re going to be living with them.   I have heard stories of parents crying, and others where the parents think it’s no big deal, and of course others where the parents already knew.\n\nI should say that the only people I personally know whose parents freaked out were hardcore Mormons from Utah. So unless your parents are fanatically religious or have expressed deep homophobic statements in the past, you should be OK.  I even have a friend in Orange County whose dad is a Baptist pastor, and his parents still love him and spend time with him -- in fact I think they still pay his rent!\n\nRegardless of if you move back home or not, you should eventually come out.  You will feel a lot better about yourself and will probably find that you are closer to your friends and family than ever before.  People who remain closeted for too long can experience depression, and you are too young and the world is full of too many cool things for that.  There are plenty of books on coming out, as well as some good movies.  If you have Netflix, they have a lot of them, too.\n\nAs for juliart’s answer, she needs to STOP answering gay-related questions, because she does not know what she is talking about.  She regards homosexuality as perverse and lustful, and thinks people can simply decide not to be gay.  Even though she says otherwise, she is in fact being judgmental – in one of her responses she told an 18 year old gay college student, “What a waste of a perfectly good man.”  Being gay is not a choice – true some people have chosen to repress it, but it is ultimately very destructive to them.  My friend’s uncle chose to repress his sexuality and got married and had three kids.  He ended up committing suicide in the bathroom while his daughter was just a few feet away.  People like juliart need to realize that the way they feel attracted to people of the opposite sex, is the same way gay men and women feel about people of the same sex.  And it’s not just about sexual attraction, most gay men I know will tell you that emotionally they are attracted to men, too.  Gay men and women feel love the same way straight men and women do.  You cannot repress this.\n\nFinally, I have to touch on another thing juliart wrote.  She asks if he is gay because he is “just going with whatever is popular…”  Wow, what an insensitive and incredibly naïve statement.  I know a lot of religious conservatives think that gay portrayals in the media are now making more people gay, but this is ridiculous.  Most of our society, however, has realized that it is destructive to ask people to repress their identities, and have become more accepting.  So there is not a higher percentage of gay people than there were in the past, there are just more who feel comfortable and accepted enough to be open about it.
1005822
First of all you shouldn't be worried about what they think or anyone else for that matter. When you are nervous or scared it shows in your voice and body.\nNext you have to choose a setting, take them out or make dinner for them one night and just let them down gently, no matter what your sexuality your parents will love you no matter what.\n\nThe best way for you to tell them is " mom, dad, I am a homosexual." tell them not to say anything until they hear you out. and state your case let them know that you are happy and that you aren't willing to sacrafice that happiness so that they can be comfortable with you. Accept you the way you are.  trust me parents are more forgiving then the outside world.\nKrissee
446031
It would depend on your relationship with your parents.\n\nDon't tell them if you don't want to, if your reasoning for telling them is because they expect it regardless of your wishes. If you feel compelled because you have an open relationship and share things like that then maybe you should tell them.
196552
Did you try telling them..If not just don't be anywhere near them alone. Tell your parents and take appropriate action.
317332
Hey,\nThis must be really hard. But why did you tell your parents you wernt?\nWhat you need to do to feel better is tell them the truth. They will love you no matter what. Theres nothing wrong with being gay!
1131515
Wow!!! This is a problem considering you are not 18.  Maybe wait to be so open with your mother about your sexuality until you are old enough to move out on your own.  Trust me, she does love you, but she will obviously need time to get through her own issues about your choices.
767038
Well considering shes your teahcer there isnt much you can do in that department. i mean you cant really approach her. i mean i guess you could. Really , I just think you should explore the fact that you like girls and go from there. If you feel you really do like them for sure and you may be with women in the future then you can consider telling your parents. From my own experience though, you must know that more than likely if you tell your parents now that you think you are gay or bi they are unlikely to believe you so be prepared and have a strong support system from some friends.
926529
it's not what YOU should do... it's what your DAD should do.. if he really loved u he will accept that ur bi. so its best to put up a brave front and not be scared
380258
Why tell everyone.Your sexual preference is no one's business,but yours.Family I can understand,but everyone will eventually fgure it out.If that is you,then who cares what they think. They will accept you or they won't.
1098228
Be who you are. You will not expect to be accepted by the society easily. People will see you as queer, that is definite, but don't force yourself to change in order for the society to accept you. I would say take things as it comes. I too, lives in a country where gays are not accepted in society. I told myself, I will show them that we are no different from anyone because we both loved. I have a few friends know that I'm a bisexual. Well, I do not tell them myself, as in initate the topic, they started it first. They would ask me: " You have not got any gf yet....as you gay?" I would smile at them and say I'm a bi. You would be surprise of teir reaction. They are all my good friends now. They have known me long enough to know what my character is. Time tells all. You need not need the whole world to accept you, most impt, you accept yourself. As time goes, your friends who treasure you will accept you too. \nI think the hardest part is how to break this news to your family. I would not forget the nevousness I had that time when i confess tis to my parent. I knew this would break their heart, but the last person I wouldn't want to keep in the dark is my parent. They have accept it....I guess. Though I believe they still pinned on the hope that i would get a gf instead (haha).\nBottom line is: Don't brood over it. If you know what you want to be, then be the one whom you want to be. Be true to yourself, and gradually you will find friends who will be true to you. I shared your woes, and I hope to share my joy with you.
545824
Do what you feel right for you. If you're sure this guy likes you back then you can fight it together. Does his parents know he's gay? If they do it'd be even better they can talk with you parents and let them understand.\n Just remember one thing: GOD DOESN'T HATE GAYS, no matter what anybody tells you just remember that sentence and you'll be just fine.\n\n I know exactly how you feel, I'm gay too and my parents doesn't know either and I'm really scared of telling them but I know I have to someday.\n\n If you're 100% you're gay then you have to tell them, you owe it to them, they need to know and then they'll decide. If you're still living with them then don't tell them until you move out so they won't kick you out.\n\n Hope everything works out good for you.\n  Keep in touch (Click on my name and then click "Contact Michael" if you would like to send me an email)\n         Chao                                  Peace
225329
if your attracted to the same sex ..... your gay..  you have no  attraction to the opposite sex....your gay... you might want to contact  the gay and lesbian organization for some advise on the best way to come out to your parents...good luck !!
499182
Well, it is a super personal thing.  For me, it was a huge deal with my family, and they were really unaccepting at first.  But aside from the family strife, which was a lot, I just did what I knew was right for me, and have remained true to myself (which is a totaly cliche, but for me it really worked.)  After having a lot of badness with my family, and then a long period of distance (during which I made tons of really close friends that have provided a lot of support and care, almost like parents) my family has come around, and just a few weeks ago they had dinner with my girlfriend's family, and were all supportive.  \n\nThe reality is, you should do what you think is the best thing for you.  Weigh in everything: even the risk of distancing yourself from family, but also the risk of stifling your feelings, not letting them out.  For me, it was just really difficult to not be who I am.  \n\nYour family loves you, and even something like being gay won't change that.  They might be against it, or have trouble dealing with it, but they won't stop loving you because of it.  \n\nPFLAG has an awesome web page with information and support stuff: http://www.pflag.org/Getting_Support-Coming_Out.coming_out.0.html\n\nGood luck!
906174
Oh, my...That's tough.  I knew I was queer when I was 11, though, didn't have language for it yet.  I came out when I was 17, but I have a pretty easy family.  If you think that your families are going to completely flip, be careful but get support outside your home.  Do everything you can to get reassurance that your love for each other is a good thing. It might be helpful to find a queer youth organization in your community so you can find others to talk with.  There are a lot of folks in similar situations.\n\nGood luck...And ignore the person who said you're not old enough to know if you're gay.  Homophobic baloney.  They never tell heterosexual teens that they're too young to know they're straight.  ;-)
138261
You cannot control how they will react.  I think coming out to relatives is overated, especially if you know they may not understand or get mad.  Why not just continue on with your love life and consider it none of their business?\n\nYou never have to lie about it, just don't offer the information.  When they ask you directly is the time to seriously consider telling them...
982201
Hey fella I'm speaking from experience if i were you i would leave it a bit longer don't be to hasty by the way your describing your dad i think he may well suspect but don't confirm those insecurities hes got, not yet anyway dont feel pressured to come out (it took me till i was 22 to do it and that was only with a liter bottle of vodka in me ) but when you feel you are ready then maybe have a friend with you when you break the news (this is what i done) as moral support you might find like me that no-one in the family bats an eyelid at your earth-shattering news I hope this is the case for you as it was for me I'm in the UK by the way so attitudes may be diffrent than the USA but please don't do what i done and tear yourself apart about it most of all don't live a lie it only brings heartache and anguish be true to yourself and you will know when the time is right to come out maybe get yourself settled in a steady relationship first (which is what i done) and if your dad reacts the way you think he will you have always got your fella to fall back on for moral support and strength hope this helps and i hope things work out for you good luck Steve
1021943
hi..dts gud havin a boy friend..i do have one..c,just handle the situation carefully...tell your parents first,and make them understand the depth in love u have for ur guy..it always takes some time for ur parents to agree...bt,still u wait and wait...jus dont run away with him...bcoz that most of the couples do these days whn their parents are not allowin...tell dm that you really cant live with out him....and the main part is,you must have satisfied all your parents expectations..........let them know love these days is not a big thing to worry about...it vil take time,wait to hold the hands of ur guy forever,gud luck..........