How do I get passed my spouses infidelity, and learn to trust him again?
144044
<You probably won't ever trust him again.If he did it once he will probably do it again.
263500
You could have tried, but he may not have believed you.  Infidelity by a loved one usually is something that many people need to see for their own eyes to believe.  Especially, if the marriage seems fine to them on the outside.
357900
You can't when ever you try to be intimate you will think he is thinking of someone else and you will never be able to trust him. You could look on the bright side that you aren't married to him. You have to think more of yourself and tell yourself that you deserve someone who will be faithful.The first time he cheats and hurts you it's not your fault. The fault comes when you let him have a chance to cheat again. And im sorry to say once a cheat always a cheat. If he loved you so much he could betray you once he will betray you again. Good luck
575192
He needs counseling to properly heal from his first wife. You probably also need counseling. I don;t mean couples counseling either. What each of you needs is to be able to walk into your relationship without emotional baggage from the previous relationships. Good Luck it can be really hard to deal with feeling of betrayal.
1068917
I couldn't and wouldn't.  I love the man I'm married to. If you love the other person...how can you betray them?  He/She may never find out...but.........you would always know. Can you look them in the eye after betraying them?  Could you live with yourself?  Would you feel the guilt?  Then maybe one day...the guilt builds up, you feel your mate deserves better than what you've given. There goes the relationship.  Besides..........."How can you REALLY be SURE you can get away with it?"    If it ruins your relationship, you didn't get away with it.  Think about it.   The grass isn't always greener on the other side. And you usually find a lot of weeds.    If the person you want to have an affair with is willing to do this knowing you're cheating....how can they trust you not to cheat on them if it were to lead to more than an affair?   Cheating is never the answer.   Be true to your man/woman.  And....be true to yourself.
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
213137
My husband cheated on me too.  It took a couple years to stop thinking about him with this other woman. It was very hard to stop feeling betrayed.  I don't think theres any certain methods.  Only it takes two.  He has to reasure you that he loves you, and he has to prove to you that he's not going to do this again.  But, you have to accept this, and learn to trust him again.  Youll never forget this, but, It'll only be a foggy memory.  it just takes time, and no one else can tell you how long, it's different for everyone.  Good luck. stay strong...
166774
You are lucky you still have a husband!  Trust and forgivness takes quite some time when it comes to infidelity, but when you bring a child into this equation, it's a whole different story.  This is something your husband may never come to terms with and if your child is living in your household, and he is seeing the product of your infidelity, then it is even harder.  You may want to look into some counselling individually and jointly, because that maybe the difference between staying together and divorce. If he is willing to work things out and stay in the marriage, encourage him to seek counselling with you so he will get the tools to be able to put this mistake you made past him and love you through it. Good luck\nCondoms are a faithful friend, for the most part they never lets us down, consider that if there is a next time.
26190
You know it is easy to forgivce than to forget. Trust is the main issue in the relationship and once its broken.. its hard to rebuild. BUT, I know someone back in my country. She did catch her husband in bed with her sister-in-law (her brother's wife) and totally crashed her. But there is a saying - LOVE IS LOVELIER THE SECOND TIME AROUND, and its true. They now have two more kids after that and yes the guy had changed. This is not for everybody though. He had to earn her trust back and he proved it to her that he is reformed. \n\nYou should have an honest, open heart talk with your partner. Good luck!
1100451
Seek counseling immediately.  AACC can help you find a Christian counselor.  I don't understand from your question whether you have cheated or been cheated on by your spouse.\n\nThis is tough to answer, and much depends on the nature of the relationship you have and other factors.  I think your spouse should know.  You may need to get into counseling first in order to have a support system in place when the fireworks go off.  You may need to tell him/her first, because if your spouse finds out you've already been to counseling, he/she may feel betrayed further.  Hard to say.  Pray for forgiveness, that God will strengthen and encourage your spouse, and for wisdom in knowing how to proceed.\n\nIf you are the offending party, you're going to have to face up to it.  That means answering the questions and giving your spouse space to feel his/her feelings.  You have known about this, and he/she has not.  It will take time and it's perfectly normal for feelings to fluctuate.\n\nDo not demand forgiveness or expect it too soon.  You'll need to show that you are trustworthy (fruits worthy of repentance).  Remember that forgiveness is a process and not a magic spell that takes the pain away.  This may be an arduous process, but it can be worth it.\n\nThere are some really good books and resources, but I highly recommend counseling.  You need someone who can sit down with you and help you process everything.  You may need to go separately before it's okay to try to work through things together.\n\nAACC to find a counselor: http://aacc.net/resources/find-a-counselor/\n\nBooks:\n\nHidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, by Gary Smalley:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310402913/qid=1151721150/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155\n\nTorn Asunder: Helping Couples Recover From Infidelity, by Dave Carder:   http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802471412/qid=1151721623/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155  -  this is the workbook, but it will give you an idea what the book is like.   Hopefully you can find the book on eBay or another online bookstore.\n\nBoundaries in Marriage, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310243149/qid=1151721831/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155\n\nThis is a difficult task to undertake.  Do all you can to strengthen yourself and your spouse.  Get as much help as you can and is appropriate.\n\nMay God bless your efforts to restore your marriage to what He wants it to be.
624402
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
775330
Forgiving and forgetting are two different things and while your husband may have forgiven u, it doesn't mean he's forgotten about it  The trust that was rebuilt between u since then may  now be more fragile than it was before u cheated so it requires more of an upkeep (on your part).\n\nJust realize that trust, once broken, isn't something that's rebuilt overnight.  Sometimes it takes yrs and even then, it may never be 100% again.  The fact that your husband wants to salvage the marriage does NOT make him weak.  Quite the contrary.  It takes a very strong person to be able to forgive something like this.
178586
Well he has betrayed you and it will take alot of work on his part to build that trust back up again. Why do you think you are giving him permission to do it again? Make certain that he does leave her, go for some counseling, you WILL need it, this is a serious blow to a marriage, some can make some can't. As for knowing for a fact that he broke it off, outside of being with him when he tells her you would just have to take his word for it. I am really sorry that you are going through this. Many say once a cheater always a cheater and to tell you the truth that is true in many many cases.\n If you love him then TRY to work it out, make certain that he attends counseling WITH you. Love can see you through a lot of pain but HE will have to work extra hard to rebuild your trust in him.\n  I wish you the best and hope things work the way that you want them to. Good Luck
330618
You have every reason to feel hurt. The question you have to ask yourself is... do you really think that you can get over the past. Do you really think that he has put the past behind him? If you answer no to either one of these questions, then no, you will never be able to trust your husband again. I've been in your place and stayed with my husband for 10 more years, in the end, I cheated on him numerous times because I couldn't get over the fact that I believed he had cheated on me. A night while laying next to him in bed, I would have images of him with her... Or when he would touch me in a way that should be considered loving, I would wonder if he touched her in the same way. It is hard to get over the thought of someone you love, cheating on you and you end up building a wall between you.  Sit down and talk to your husband, calmly. Let him know what you found, and that it wasn't because you were snooping. You have to get your feelings out on the table and see how he responds to it, then together decide if you are able to rebuild the trust that was broken.
99338
I'd recommend getting a therapist or religious clergy person involved in this process.  You both need someone neutral to help work through trust issues.  However, the counseling will only help if you and your wife are BOTH interested in mending your relationship.  It will be a long road, but you can get through this with time and support.  It will be more important than ever to be honest with each other and make time for your relationship.\n\nWhile some say "once a cheater always a cheater" that is often true.  In my experience that's been the case most often.  However, it's not an absolute!  I've also experienced the other side.  People can change and people make mistakes.  Relationships need to grow and perhaps it was just in the growing stage during the affair.  If you are both committed to make it work you can get back to what you had.
130066
well its really hard to get back the trust..be patient..just give her time to think..be sincere of all ur actions and all ur saying...... and assure not only to ur wife but also urself that u will not hurt her again
571510
How do you learn to trust again?\n\nSlowly, and cautiously. Use time to both heal your wounds, and give him opportunities to prove he is worthy of your trust. It's alot like that whole "first kiss" thing. No one can tell you when the right time is. Your heart has to let you know "Ok, it's fine", and that may or may not be right away. So you have to constantly ask yourself how you feel about it.