How can I begin to relate to my son who I'v not met for the last 7 years. (He lives in another country)?
149976
Wow. That's a long time. I'm sorry for your separation. I know it must be difficult for you. My parents separated when I was a baby and I never met my real father until I was 16. In fact he never communicated with me and only kept up with my progress through his mother who my mom stayed in contact with all through the years. I wrote to him and told him I would like to get to know him and it meant so much to him. He wrote me a very touching letter that let me know he regretted not getting to see me grow up and let me know he would give anything to spend time with me. He moved within the year from his home in California back to his mother's hometown in North Carolina and we visited back and forth from my home in Virginia for the next five years until he died in a tragic house fire. I was so very, very thankful for the time I spent getting to know him and the rest of his family. I learned that I inherited many traits from that side of the family and the oddities I thought I had were simply that I was more like his side of the family than my mom's side. As we get older we all want to know about our past, our roots, our history. If you are open and honest in your communication with your son I have no doubt that he will be thankful to get to know you. It might not feel like the traditional father/son relationship, but you will have your own unique relationship as my dad and I did and I will treasure it forever. My only regret is that he did not live to see his grandchildren. Just open your heart and let him know how you feel. Good luck!
772307
Bonjour, and so sorry, how hard it must be. You have been through a lot of hardship, and your boys. Your question stated that your boys are anti american. But really you know that this is a symptom of a larger problem not about America. This is about your boys' grief which boys are not socialized to express or handle. Your boys were abused or witnessed abuse. They are suffering inside. They have split loyalties between you and their father. How terrible it must be for them to feel that torn. This points to the amount of denial your boys are in regarding the abuse. Kids love and idolize their parents and blame themselves often for the problems of the parents. This is a survival mechanism of the human. On top of this they are taken away from anything they felt they did have control over in their environment-their old schools and friends. Their way of life. Their language. Their culture. You cannot make them love America, or love your new husband. I think you all need family therapy (excluding your new husband for now) or maybe the school counselor can help. Ultimately, do not oppose them or give them Shoulds and musts" but join them in their sorrow, their pain, give them the words that they have been denying. Honor their reality. It is as real as yours. Not wrong. Just different. You are trying your best to give them a good life, I am sorry they don't have the emotional maturity to understand this. But actually, if they are behaving badly it is because they feel safe with you-an honor and a privilege, but very difficult. They are communicating their deepest and darkest pains with you in the only way they know how. Love them in and through this, and seek counseling for yourself if no one else will go. Love yourself for being courageous and the mother that is there for them when the father was being abusive. Good luck sister.
434293
28 with a six year old son
557850
When the time is right you'll find the perfect person for you and your son. In the mean time just take time and enjoy your son. He'll only be little for a while and when you least expect it love will find you. Good luck with everything
52201
well my daughter was over there for a year, but she is home now it is a hard thing to go through and you will always worry but you can use email to keep in touch and i wish for the best for him and ill even say a prayer i sugues you do the same it was hard for me as i know it will be for you as well so keep you chin up and let him know you love him and that he is in you thoughts.i dont know any thing else to tell you but i do know what you are going through and you are not alone.
1087418
Does she know you have children? If so, then anytime would be a good time. Try to make sure the situation isn't so akward for your son or your new partner that they want to get away. Your goal should not only be making a proper introduction, but also trying to set up a certain level of comfort for everyone involved so that you, your son, and your girlfriend can all get used to and closer to one another.
32882
I would say try to make it work if you can, it sounds that he is good for your kid.\nDId you loved eachother at apoint?\nIf there is no other way just talk to him
396411
I know how you feel.  My son chose to stay with his dad after my divorce.  I have our daughter.  The distance is near 1000 miles so, I am not able to see him much.  I do call him every weekend and see him at least 4 times a year.  It is still not enough and I am frustrated since I am unable to do anything about this.  (Work, money, ect...)  My son knows that I love and miss him so much.  It hurts.
627915
You have to call Barabdos embassy officially with your situation and to ask them to tell him about your kid.\nAt least he sould take his responsibility toward his kid ...
941533
There are support groups that you can find solace with.  As a mother of a child through adoption, I can only tell you that I could not love that child more if I had given birth to her.\n\nYour gift was the greatest that anyone could offer another person.  Your pain is real.  Did you see the View today - all about families built through adoption and foster care. \n\nYou can register on a birth parent registry and when your son is ready to find you he can.\n\nYou are in my heart.
667131
First of all, do you know for sure that he is moving...that is the first question that needs to be answered. Secondly, a long distance relationship like the one you may be facing can work out. If you truly care for him as you say oyu do, and he waited for you for as long as you say then you both love eachother very much. You will see eachother occasionally, you will always chat on the phone...i've even heard that long distance relationships can make the couple stronger. But in order of the relationship to work there needs to be trust. You child is almost 16? I know someone who is 16 years old and her parents are in a similar situation as yours. THey are moving, and even though all her friends are where she lives now, she knows that inthe end it will be for the best. If you really want to be with him though, you can marry this guy that you love so much and who loves you, and have your child finish school where she is now and have her live with a friend, close relative, or something like that. That way you both will be happy. In the end its your decision. But the last piece of advice i will give is to just stop for a moment, take deep breath, close your eyes, and just listen to your heart.................\n................................................\nWhat's it telling you?\nJust follow your instinct, your heart, talk with your child about what you are worried about, what you would like to do, if you want to further your relationship with this guy. Talk with your child. But remember that what your child thinks IS important, but so is your heart and your feelings. Ask this man to come over to your house so you and your son could all have a talk about how you want to further your relationship and what you all agree with happening. \n\nIn short, follow your heart...most of the time, it knows which path you should take. Just trust the ones you love, and most importantly, trust yourself! Everything will work out in the end, i know it will. but until then, good luck! :)
925858
I lived without my Father for about 23 years, he has recently just come back into my life, a little to late but we're good mates now and we talk on the phone once or twice a month, he still lives in another country.
978842
Either move back home where you have family and friends, or find some new friends who can keep you company while he is away.  Depending on the type and closeness of the friendship, all your needs could be well satisfied.  :)  Enjoy!
322901
You can continue to be friends but don't saddle yourself down to him as he is long distance. If you still feel the same about him when you are older then save some cash to meet him. But take someone with you as you don't know who you are really chatting with he could be an old perv!
923543
Wow, Paul. Creepy. I agree that that these recent events may seem 'cosmic' in nature, but some of these things may seem suddenly more related because you have her on your mind. Constantly.  Kind of like when you learn a new word or phrase, and then it seems like you hear that word or phrase constantly right after that. Know what I mean?\n\nI think you've become obsessed with her, and you're not really thinking this through.\n\nFirst of all, have you discussed this with your son?  How does he feel about getting to know his mother after all these years? If you contact this woman, that may become a reality, and your son may have a different idea about that.\n\nHow would your wife react to this?  \n\nMost importantly, what purpose would it serve?  I think you have this fairy-tale idea that you'll become pals again and all will suddenly be well.  In reality, you'll be dredging up years of resentment, anger, and disappointment, especially where your son is concerned.  \n\nIs it really worth it?\n\nI can tell you that the reality of the results of such an endeavor will rarely live up to your hopes.\n\nDon't look at all these recent events as a MESSAGE.  That's an EXCUSE.  You want us to encourage you to do this thing.\n\nI'm not gonna do it.\n\nGood Luck,\n\nPolly
577816
I will tell you something personal. I have a 3 yr. old son. I am divorced, I miss my son very, very much. I cry each nite that I cannot be with him. His mother is court ordered to let me have him each weekend for 3 days. Everytime I go to get him, she is gone. I have given up hope. I know he is still young but I know he knows his dad and loves me very much. He will find me someday.
1049488
Just try to get on with him as best as possible. At least it wont be long till he goes home, then you will get peace.