How do I makesure that my X husband gets the book thrown at him in court for abusing our oldest son?
153004
If you can see the abuse on your son's body, take him to the doctor immediately....NOW, PRONTO...the doctor will see if and he/she HAS to report the abuse by law. Take photos and document when and where it happened. Also, your son is getting emotionally abused no doubt. Don't let this pass. Also contact an attorney who is knowledgable in family/children's rights. Your job as a Mom, as you know, is to protect your children at all costs. Your husband's visitation should be taken away from him or at least, he needs to go to an anger management class ordered by the court plus only have supervised visitation. I am so sorry this is happening to your child. NO CHILD deserves to be abused EVER!
1047167
You said this just started and for no apparent reason. Maybe it is just that you have no clue to the reasoning behind it. I am not saying he is justified in treating you like crap or doing things in front of the children that he shouldn't but there has to be a reason for it. Have you tried asking him what is going on. Maybe something has happened and for what ever reason he can't or doesn't know how to share this with you so in turn his actions is a result of what ever is really bothering him. You have made it clear you won't put up with this so stress this to him again that if he can't share with you what is going on you can't try to help him with it but that he isn't going to take it out on you either. He needs to make the choice as to what to do and then you can choose what to do based on how he feels. I really feel for you hun as something happened to my ex husband and he thought he would become physical with me until I told him he would die before he hit me again and of course the final results was I left. I couldn't fix something that I had no clue as to what was going on and I was not going to be hit on or abused in any other way either. I hope he comes around before you leave him but do what is best for you and the children hun!!.
1131901
Any type of physical abuse is wrong and is against the law - no matter what your local law enforcement officers seem to be telling you, because this is a form of domestic violence.  Here are some web sites that may help you:\n\nhttp://www.suite101.com/lesson.cfm/16655/157/4\nthis one sort of explains the entire process of why children abuse parents - interesting reading and may help you figure some things out.\n\nYour official state web site also has links to help you - try this one:\n\nhttp://www.211infoline.org/\nand look for the "2-1-1 Info Hotline" link that will put you in touch with agencies that specialize in situations such as yours, that can offer you support and advise.\n\nChildren learn from their parents . . .  so there is a chance that your step-son learned this behavior from his father.  Also, please remember that your younger children are also watching and learning.\n\nTake the steps you need to protect yourself and your family.  Good luck.
670046
Listen honey I have been in a bad relationship myself and know where you arecoming from you have to stand up for yourself and move on you say you can't leacve Why? they have got you to the point where you are wallowing in self pity just as they like you. What is happening here is domestic abuse and it has to end before you end first. For your childrens sake leave him if he don't like it tell him where to go ****himself or tell him if he loves you to stand up to his family for you though from the sound of it he is week as s**t no man should ever allow anyone including his family to run you down. I wish i could do more for you but sadly I can't if you need to chat though send me an email and I will keep chatting and offering no strings advice I am a voluntary member of the samaritans and will make timwe to chat if you need me.
1050424
nooooooooooo he has no rights to ask you that and then he is remarried?? tell him to mind his business at home and send your child support payment on time.. that is what.\nthe only thing he needs to know is where to send the money i hope you slapped his ass with child support and i hope he has supervised visitations with the kids if he was abusive...you better talk that over with your lawyer.and do not let him intimidate you you have to be strong and direct with him,good luck honey.
516309
so he is hiring an attorney to modify the court order for custody of the children? if so your best bet would be to keep a cool and professional demeanor, no slip ups, no verbal outbursts, you MUST remain the calmer of the 2 parties, even if he threatens you ( this you should keep a record of an NOT get emotional ), this is where many people damage there cases by getting emotional in court.
840086
Beat his a.s.s.\nMake him hurt as much as he made YOU hurt.
860563
I know someone already said it, but as the second person to respond:\n\nGet an attorney.  In fact, your present attorney in the visitation case might be able to provide advice about joint custody.  \n\nMeanwhile, cool off and don't write any nasty letters.  Use a favorable result for visitation to generate references with people who can testify in court that you are a good guy and that however nasty and hateful you may have been in 2004, you are perfectly amiable and cool-headed now.  And it isn't sufficient just to convince people the nastiness is gone.  You have to sincerely put the nastiness to rest and leave it there.\n\nAnd when you finally do receive visitation and joint custody, DO NOT try to use your time to turn your son against your Ex.  That isn't what visitation and custody are for.  Do not make your son a pawn in a game against your Ex.  That is cruel to the child, regardless of what satisfaction it may give you or your Ex.
947590
Sadly -- you will not just have to prove (with all of the papers entered into evidence) that your ex is an abuser, but ...\n\nAlso have to endure an UGLY Custody battle as well.\n\nThis is more a Battle to make you miserable than any desire to have custody or visitation with the children -- and the longer he can drag it out and make you pay -- the more he is happy about the situation -- MORE control and Manipulation on top of the abuse you already have SURVIVED.\n\nUNFORTUNATELY -- the violent, abusive ex (and soon-to-be ex) has MORE rights in any proceeding than any of his Victims/Survivors.
521054
Anything you "do" is going to force her to defend him.  I know how frightening the situation is.  It could build in to full blown abuse. If this is what he does when drunk it will only get worse.  Sounds like you have already been through plenty with this relationship. It is so hard to stand by while our kids make big mistakes.  Been there done that! Just be there for emotional support, she will need you.
118931
Send her a certified letter about your intentions of picking up the kids. Actually show up at the designated time and have a witness.  Bring your written visitation decree along with you and notify the local sheriff's office of your intention to enforce the divorce decree.  Keep a written book of all of your attempts to visit your kids. If you find her new phone number, record all future calls.  Gather your child support receipts in a shoe box if you don't pay through the Court.  File contempt of court charges.  If you can't afford a lawyer, be willing to represent yourself in court.I spent $40,000 to get visitation for my husband.  I was the new wife and I kept good records and tape recordings and if I had to do it again, I would have represented him myself.  After 2 years he won visitation and it was very complicated...Don't stop paying child support and read the Book of Psalms in the Bible....
518943
Sadly, I had this problem with my husband too.  We sat down with the elders of our church after he threw a glass at me that bruise all the toes on my left foot.  The very nicely explained to him a series of important scriptures on how he can learn to value me. \n\nBut also after it happened, my dad gave me some great advice, so simple, but it really worked.  OVer the phone (my husband travels for a living) I told him that some members of the congregation were aware of what was going on, and he explained that he wished I hadn't told people, and I told him that I hadn't, (my sister and husband also live with us, so it's not like there aren't witnesses) but just that they were made aware of it.  (If other people find out about it, they get embarrassed, like the rest of the time they're in denial, but when others find out about it, they can't pretend it didn't happen.) I told him that from now on, WE weren't going to hang up the phone on each other, WE weren't going to be throwing things at each other, WE weren't going to be saying "I'm going to leave you!", WE just weren't going to do any of that.  Mind you, I've never done any of that to him, but it sounds better to say "We" than 'you you you'.  His response was, "it's going to take some time" and I said, "no it's not.  Right now, that's when we're starting.  We don't need any extra time, it's already been three + years of this, and we're just going to start from right now." I think he was surprised.  My tone wasn't angry or yelling, it was just straightforward.  He hasn't thrown anything at me since, and he still gets irritated, but that's natural.  Throwing things and cussing me out is not.  \n\nIf your husband has any kind of spiritual nature, I encourage you both to sit down and read this scriptures together, which have really helped us.  What it boils down to, is that usually a husband doesn't respect himself, and since you are his 'one flesh' and 'complement', if he doesn't respect himself or is insecure, he may not respect you as well.  I try to build my honey up whenever I can and tell him how great he is at this or that and that there's no reason for him to be insecure.  (by the way, the cup-throwing incident was because I fed the cat a piece of shrimp on the couch, which you would think a cat would gobble up, but not my cat, he sat there licking it. Hubby wasn't happy at all, I admitted it was dumb and I wouldn't do it again, but he got so upset, he actually hurt me, so I understand the 'small things' that should never make them that upset. The real truth is that there are underlying issues, not just the shrimp.)\n\nEph 4:26 Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with YOU in a provoked state, 27 neither allow place for the Devil. 29 Let a rotten saying not proceed out of YOUR mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be.\n\n(In other words, a person is going to be wrathful at times, but the point is not to sin or get to a provoked state without resolving it, to do so leaves open a place for the 'Devil' to disrupt your family, possibly leading to divorce. (Satan likes divorce, since it breaks up God's divine arrangement of marriage. We certainly don't want to leave a place open for him in our families.)\n\n\nEph 4:31 Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from YOU along with all badness. 32 But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU.\n\n(Basically, God forgives us for the many things we do, surely we should forgive each other for the minor things.)\n\nEph 5:28 In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever
306810
sorry to hear about your case. You are like holding every breath you take and not letting any of the air out. Like you said, you man does everything right in the house and is a good father, just a bad husband. You want to sentence him to death on one hand, but on the other side he does not deserve the sentence of death.\nSo what should you do?\nAs a guy, i hate your husband because he has two face. For what you can do is use the website below. What it does is letting you know everything that your husband is doing on the computer. If he really cheats again, you have everything on paper. In black and write. Now, the question is about your kid. If your kid is a boy, he has a bad father to learn from. \nIf it really comes to divorce, so be it. You should not be sleeping with a guy that cheats on you every night for the rest of your life. \nPlus your son can learn from his father mistake and learn how to treat other women respectfully in the future.\n\nBut...but... if you want to give you husband one more chance, it is okay to. Once you know what he is senting on the computer. Tell him that you are take your son and yourself away. And You will be seeing him in court/lawyer office about divorce. But you don't want him to know about you knowing what he has been doing in the computer. That is you best card in hand for court in the future if you do decide to leave him.\nIf he comes back to you, he has to prove it. Give him a month time. See how much he loves you. See how many time he calls. See how much he is willing to do for you to get you back. \nRemember you are worry about your son, but you need to care about yourself too. \nMy friend live with her mother after her parent separated. She know what kind of dad she has and hated him. Her mom is doing find.\nI am not scarying you, i just want you to know you child will understand. You need to know if you husband is still the right man for you. If not...then he has to go.\nIf he is, then he stays.\nGood luck
929577
document everything. if the kids come to your house with bruises. take them to the hospital, and take pictures. get your county's children services involved. They have a lot of power and can remove the child immediatly. get an attorney.\n my wife and i are going throght the same thing with our grandchildren, my wife's 24 year old daughter is borderline retarded, and diagnosed shizophrenic and bipolar. the four year old grandaughter was taken from her right after she was born, it was easier since there was no father involved. now there us a 9 month old boy we are battling in the courts over now.\n good luck
685305
Listen very closely to what I'm telling you.  It's good advice.\n\nFirst, if your soon to be ex-husband is having dangerous affairs, if his lifestyle puts your children at risk, you could go to the CPS (Child Protective Services).\n\nDo you belong to a church?  Make an appointment during the week to tell a priest what is happening. He may know someone in the system who can help you.  Don't overlook this resource.\n\nWhen it comes to the justice system, forget about what is the truth, and what is right or wrong.  Lawyers are often working in their own self interest.  Everyone involved in the case is apt to make decisions based on what is easiest for them.  No one is going to risk their careers for you.\n\nIf you have accusations to make, you must be certain they can be substantiated:  names, dates, places, etc.  Do you have witnesses?  Will they testify under oath?  Will they sign a document certifying what they say is true?   There are RULES OF EVIDENCE, and judges will sometimes even forbid a person from making statements he considers irrelevant.\n\nRemember... people are going to do WHAT IS EASIEST for them.  If they're acting against you, stop making it so easy for them to ignore the truth.  Everyone has a boss.  You can always take this one step higher.\n\nI noticed you misspelled a few words.  Are you from this country?  Do you live here legally?  Do you have an education and can you support these children?  All these are very important factors that a judge will consider.\n\nThink very carefully before you act.  If your husband is actually a decent man, and could care better for the children, make the unselfish decision not to oppose him.\n\nBest of luck.
472725
Kids do those things...just talk to him in private and tell him that it is rude to do that in front of guests and decide on a punishment in case he does it again...that way he knows the consequence ahead of time.  Good luck!
857925
If he ever threatens you with bodily harm or anything, file for a restraining order or protective order.  Given his criminal history, it may be possible for him to only be allowed court supervised visitation of the child.  You were right to demand that he only see the child during the court oredered visitation.  Do not feel one bit guilty about that.  As for the money, if the child is old enough to listen to what he says, the child is old enough to listen to what you say as well.  Tell the child that the money is what he is required to pay for supporting his child and it is not stolen, but is his responsibility to pay so you can feed the child.  That is honest.  Don't bad-mouth the father to the child.  Just state the facts without emotion.  Kids are pretty smart and can put it together. :o)\n\nDo be careful.  You might consider making sure you have good locks on your home and keep it locked all the time to protect yourself.  The law is on your side, so stick to it.  Don't play his game.  I told my ex that I wasn't his wife anymore and didn't have to fight with him, but that he could contact my attorney and/or the state child support office.  They get paid to deal with him so I don't have to.  You don't have to fight with your ex either.\n\nIf he ever threatens you bodily in any way.... take legal action immediately.  Do not hesitate to call the police and file a protective order.  We all have heard the horror stories of what twisted men do to women they supposedly "loved" at some point.  Be careful and use wisdom.\n\nBest Wishes,\n\nSue