Anyone heard any good dick cheaney jokes yet?
155253
Heard a remake on the radio of "janie's got a gun" to "cheney's got a gun" ...pretty funny.
503013
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"\n\n\nAnd with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.\n\n\n"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"\n\nAnd with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!"\n\nAnd his dick deflated again.\n\n"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"\n\nThe guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick, ten-HUT!"\n\nAnd the dick sprang to life. Then it was "Dick, at EASE!"\n\n\nBut nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!"\n\nBut still nothing happened. So the guy now says,"For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!"\n\nStill nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.\n\n"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.\n\nThe guy says, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
944849
Well here's one:\nI took care of this old man in the hospital. After he got his dinner tray he started tearing off little pieces of bread and threw them all over the floor.\nI asked him what he was doing and he said,  "I'm feeding my dogs, they gotta eat too"\nHAHAHAHA....sad, in a funny way, but true
836768
OMG  this is one of the funniest ones ive heard.  ROFL  Im gonna have to use this one :)
1111244
This one is on the front page at eBaumsWorld.com: \nMike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown." Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"
910889
OMG this joke is one of my favorites!!! Got any more?
453466
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.\n\n They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.\n\n The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"\n The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."\n\n Then the chief asked, "Is it the governor?"\n The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."\n\n The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"\n The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."\n\n This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"\n The policeman calmly whispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."\n\n A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this Breathalyzer tube."\n The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."\n\n "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."\n "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."\n\n "Well, then we need a urine sample."\n "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."\n\n "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."\n "I can't do that, officer."\n "Why not?"\n "Because I'm too drunk to do that."\n\n A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"\n\n The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"\n\n A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.\n\n The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."\n Man: "No sir, I was going 60."\n Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."\n\n Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."\n Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"\n Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."\n\n Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."\n Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."\n Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."\n\nThen the man turns to his wife and yells: "Be quiet!”\n Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"\n Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."\n\n Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.\n\n "Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye kn
485067
I heard it as two guys were walking along one day when they came to a picket fence.  Rather than go around it, they decided to jump over the fence.  One guy made it, the other didn't.  After they got him to the hospital, the first guy asks the doctor, "Where is he hurt, Doc?"\n\nThe doctor, without looking up from his medical chart, replies, "Rectum."\n\nThe guy responds, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!"\n\n\nThe punchline alone is funnier than the joke, because with the punchline, you get the toilet humor without having to think about it.  Sort of like the "er?  I hardly know 'er!" lines, like:\n\nPoker?  I hardly know 'er!\nButter?  I hardly know 'er!\nSucker?  I hardly know 'er!\netc.
888279
two points very good (joke)
809204
I actually got that one! LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL!!!!! Can you e-mail some other jokes to me like that one? my address is dogloverkm@yahoo.com   thanks!
965237
www.ahajokes.com/office_jokes.html
831897
Thats what i call a joke....can't wait to tell  my Irish friend.
677015
That's a good one!\n\nHow about this one:\n\nA man is going away for a business conference, and he wants to make sure his wife doesn't cheat on him.  So, to keep her happy, he goes into a sex toy shop to get something for her.  On the "Specials" counter, he sees a dildo-like thing called "The Voodoo Dick."  He asks the salesman to show him what it does.  The salesman says, "Voodoo Dick, the doorknob!"  The Voodoo Dick flies across the room to the doorknob and starts screwing it, hard.  Eventually, the salesman says, "Voodoo Dick, that's enough!"  The Voodoo Dick stops and flies back to its box.\n    The man is impressed and buys it.  Right before he left for his conference, he gives it to his wife and tells her how to turn it on.  A day later, his wife is bored.  She says, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy!"  The Voodoo Dick flies over and starts screwing her, hard.  She is amazed, but she can't last forever.  Eventually, she is done and tries to take the Voodoo Dick out.  She cannot figure out a way to get the Voodoo Dick out.\n     In a panic, she drives to the hospital, the Voodoo Dick still screwing her.  Because it keeps moving, she is unable to drive straight.  A policeman pulls her over and says, "What's the matter?"  She says, "A Voodoo Dick is screwing me!"  He says, "Ha!  Voodoo Dick, my ass."
1106639
Sure.\n\nHe is always good for a laugh.\n\n\nThe Post Turtle\n \nWhile suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. \n\nEventually, the topic got around to former Texas Governor George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.\n\nThe old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."\n\nNot being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.\n\nThe old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a\nturtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." \n\nThe old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know, he didn't get there\nby himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb s_h_i_t get down!"
790952
Ha Ha Ha....Pretty  old joke!!! Still as fresh as New Born Baby !! Yes ! This is one of my favorite joke and i Often use it in my 'Ventriloquism' Show its more than 20 years now !!! This one is undoubtedly my favorite and I always liked it !!!
730926
Have you heard CLEMINEM?\n\nTim Wilson.....very funny
479920
worlds funniest joke:\n\nA couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"\n\ntwas hilarious when i first heard it.\n\ncheck the link below for full details, theres heaps ;) took part in the survey myself (back in da days)\ncheers