How can I not love and give too much focus to my husband?
156080
I don't believe you can love someone too much but you can be so attentive that a person can feel smothered. It would depend on what he considers too much and the actual circumstance. If you are devoting 100 percent to him, then its too much. If you are not taking care of yourself and spending time focusing on self then it is way to much. Sometimes what your giving is great but sometimes it is not received like that. I would spend time really looking at the situation, maybe sharing your thoughts with family and friends who know you both and see what their assessment is as well.
845769
I know you hear people talking about "working" on a marriage or relationships, but its not like putting a wing on a house.  From what you say it sounds like you want him to be more sensitive as you perceive yourself to be.  Men and women are different, why do you want to feminize him?
242363
perhaps you can say it without a single word. you can give him attention more than usually, take good care, always be there when he needs you, or some sort like that. love does not always came through words.
263805
You just need to work on it. Every time you feel like complaining, think of one complaint she might have at that time. I am very attentive to my fiance's needs and he is not so attentive to mine all the time - I just work harder to be more attentive to his needs in hopes he will be more attentive to mine sometimes.
1069181
try to focuse on ur home try to spend ur time in making the house cleaner try to make food decoriate ur house think that thier is no preson will care about u that mush expet ur husband try to have a baby thise will give the feeling that ur husband is every thing in ur live and good luck
688340
Sometimes, we tend to get too busy that everything becomes monotonous.. It's important that you talk with your husband about how you are feeling... He may not be aware that he is or the relationship you have with him is causing you so much emotional pain.. \n\nI remember one time, my mom told me how depressed she was, and disappointed she was with my dad. Good thing, she has good friends who told her to see the other sides of him. My dad is not the showy, romantic type of guy but he'd do everything for us - if he had to work day and night just to support us, he'll do it. For him, that's how he shows his love for us.\n\nLet me share you a story from someone:\n\nMy husband is an Engineer by profession, I love\nhim for his steady nature, and I love the warm\nfeeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.\nThree years of courtship and now, two years into\nmarriage, I would have to admit, that I am\ngetting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him\nbefore, has now transformed into the cause of all\nmy restlessness.\n\nI am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive\nwhen it comes to a relationship and my feelings.\nI yearn for the romantic moments, like a little\ngirl yearning for candy. My husband, is my\ncomplete opposite. His lack of sensitivity, and\nthe inability of bringing romantic moments into\nour marriage has disheartened me about love.\n\nOne day, I finally decided to tell him my\ndecision, that I wanted a divorce.\n"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are\nno reasons for everything in the world!" I\nanswered.\n\nHe kept silent the whole night, seems to be in\ndeep thought with a lighted cigarette at all\ntimes.\n\nMy feeling of disappointment only increased, here\nwas a man who can't even express his predicament,\nwhat else can I hope from him?\n\nAnd finally he asked me: "What can I do to change\nyour mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to\nchange a person's personality, and I guess, I\nhave started losing faith in him.\n\nLooking deep into his eyes I slowly\nanswered : "Here is the question, if you can\nanswer and convince my heart, I will change my\nmind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the\nflower will cause your death, will you do it for\nme?"\n\nHe said : "I will give you your answer\ntomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to\nhis response.\n\nI woke up the next morning to find him gone, and\nsaw a piece of paper with his scratchy\nhandwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the\ndining table near the front door, that goes....\n\n"My dear, I would not pick that flower for you, but please\nallow me to explain the reasons further.."\n\nThis first line was already breaking my heart. I\ncontinued reading.\n\n"When you use the computer you always mess up the\nSoftware programs, and you cry in front of the\nscreen, I have to save my fingers so that I can\nhelp to restore the programs.\n\nYou always leave the house keys behind, thus I\nhave to save my legs to rush home to open the\ndoor for you.\n\nYou love traveling but always lose your way in a\nnew city, I have to save my eyes to show you the\nway.\n\nYou always have the cramps whenever your "good\nfriend" approaches every month, I have to save my\npalms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.\nYou like to stay indoors, and I worry that you\nwill be infected by infantile autism. I have to\nsave my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to\ncure your boredom.\n\nYou always stare at the computer, and that will\ndo nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my\neyes so that when we grow old, I can help to\nclip your nails, and help to remove those\nannoying white hairs. So I can also hold your\nhand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy\nthe sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you\nthe colour of flowers, just like the color of the\nglow on your young face...\n
110513
I just had  baby, so I know what you mean with the weird hormone stuff. What I found works is to find a time to talk to him when you are not PMSing. Find a way for him to nicely let you know that you are making him mad/sad. Make sure that you won't be insulted or hurt by the way that he tells you. ie: don't say shut up/ your a b**** or anything like that. Then take a moment to go to another room, even if it's just the bathroom and breathe. Don't think about it and try to relax, meditate, or whatever works for you. After you have taken a bit of time away, you will probably feel better and be able to see the situation in a whole new perspective. This will also prevent you from further hurting your husband's feelings.
988518
You just need to change the mantra in your head and be actively responsible for your behavior towards your husband.  Ask yourself how you would feel if he was doing this to you. You would feel like you were married to an insecure loser.  If you continue on this path you will no doubt drive him away or at the very least, into the arms of another woman. Men do not like nagging, if you are obsessed with compliments, he will feel you are being a nag and tune you out. If he is tuning you out audibly he will tune you out in his head too, therefore opening himself up to the possibility of another woman. Or he will say to himself, "hmmm maybe she is not that great." Talk about mixed signals, at once you call yourself beautiful and then on the other hand you beg for compliments. Tell yourself,' he is with me for a reason otherwise why would he still be here?' Fulfill all of your dreams with direct action of your own. Do not rely on others to make you happy. The only person that can make you happy is you.
422707
I am also a "passive" person, but not quite to the extent your husband is.  Have you ever considered the fact that your husband grew up in chaos, and didn't have a male figure around for him to learn from?  Don't know his background, but his "symptoms" sound a lot like the way I grew up.  If it seems he "likes" chaos it could be because he doesn't know how to resolve chaos.  And as far as him "blaming you", have you ever considered that he is feeling pretty crappy cause you can handle things better than him? If you truly love him, be kind and patient and understanding.  Help him learn that you can "fix" chaos.  If you feel like he can walk away from the marriage without ever turning back, have you ever considered that that exact thing may have happened to him?  Try turning it around and not being so dominant yourself.  Turn to him and let him know you value his ideas, thoughts and decisions, and you NEED him in everyday life and decisions. If he makes a "wrong decision" but it isn't hurtful, life threatening, or irreversible, go with the flow and let him learn from mistakes, knowing you will stand behind him no matter what.
418874
Its possible that both of you are trying to fill the roles of wife and husband. What I mean is not seeing each other as people,not dealing with things as they are but trying to do things as you think they should be dealt with. Maybe he thinks he should be in charge, telling you what to do what to spend. I think its time you 2 have a good long talk and find out how each of you really feels clear the air. Oh one other thing to think about your at that stage in a relationship where your past the first glow of love and seeing him as he really is, time to work at the relationship build it up or see if it can be worked out.
485109
Oh man, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this Oct and 5 years of being together. It has taken us a long time to figure this one out. The answer sounds so simple but it can take ALLOT of self control and discipline. The key to a successful relationship is having a forgiving, unconditional love for your partner. Being able to accept blame and admit wrong doing and knowing what to do to change is a big key. When we talk "fight" we do not tell the other what we don't like about them but what we recognize they don't like about us. This way its not assigning blame and creating defensive walls but acknowledging wrong and working together to change. We are best friends, lovers, and we embrace all things together as a team. Marriage is the HARDEST thing to do in this journey we call life but I PROMISE it has the largest rewards! My husband and I got divorced last year and realized on the day of our divorce in the courtroom that we were running from our problems and making the biggest mistake of our lives. You have to go THROUGH your problems, you can not avoid them in any way. Good luck to you
146028
Relax and enjoy it.  Remember that a marriage is a lot of hard work, and takes a lot of commitment.  The more you share with each other the greater the reward.  Don't let arguments fester, and don't dwell on all the little things that ultimately aren't that important.  And last of all realize that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and that over time the intesity of your feelings will fade some but that is normal and not a sign of anything being wrong with your relationship.
496702
Just give him lots of attention and spend time with him doing what he likes once in a while... Trust me he will start paying more attention to you then! Just dont nag him and bug him alot.... Also if this does not work seek marriage counseling!
496803
Don't let a single day pass without letting him know in word and deed how much you love, honor and cherish him. Make sure that you never stop talking and sharing the things that happen in your lives. Make sure that you create time for just the 2 of you, especially after you have children. A strong and healthy marriage is the foundation of a happy family.
410736
if you want your marriage to work you are going tohave to draw a line under it. i know its easier said than done. try and think of the good things in the relationship whenever you feel yourself distrusting him, thats what i did.
804430
OK I can see trouble in my answer but here goes. Your being a beautiful sexy woman can be part of the problem...KEEP READING answerers before you pound me.  You husband was taught he was not worth anything...therefore he cannot understand how you could possibly love him and want him.  The reassurance he needs must be hard on you especially, checked your profile, as you have a small child.  YES to counseling. But also a BIG yes to making sure that you make him feel special with the baby in the house.
299659
Well first off let me say a HUGE congratulations to you, I do not know you, but I do wish you the very best and hope that he turns out to be a majority of what you want and all of what you need. As far as the most wonderful thing a woman can do, well I have been married twice now, so, first and most important, never hold your true feelings from him, if he doesw something wonderful and surprising in your eyes, then tell him so. If you have a moment when out with him, let him share in it as well. Always communicate, that was the biggest mistake in my first, she stopped talking, then caring, then everything else stopped. Dont get in the mindset of " he knows I love him, or he knows how much he means to me".. TELL HIM. Second, and this is also VERY important and it goes for him as well as you, yet is so simplistic many forget it... If you SAY it, then SHOW it.. nuff said. Dont wait for big days, birthdays, anniversary, christmas, whatever, to show or do something special or spontaneous. BTW, this pretty goes for him as well, not just you, you know him, his likes, dislikes, dreams, etc, so you know how to surprise him, you know how to make his heart skip a beat, KEEP DOING IT. If you have an argument, or god forbid a fight, dont wait till the next morning, or next evening to try to bridge the gap, think about what the fight or argument was about, then talk to him and him to her about what was meant, and be upfront and apologize for any misunderstanding, harsh words,and such. WORDS are the cruelest cut, they not only hurt on the surface, but they go so much deeper, down to the pysche and the soul. Final thing, dont wantt o sound like I am writing a book..LOL, the most special thing about loving someone, is that you arent tied down with specific things for specific events or times. Love is all encompassing, it involves all the senses, and causes an enormous reaction in the brain, and the body and every system in the body, so how do you use that to your advantage?? easy.. IMAGINATION, use it, think up anything you want, do anything you want, or try anything you want, love, true love is endless, it has no boundaries, just like your ability to imagine. Like I said, you know abit about him now, and you are constantly learning more and more, so as you learn, your ability to utilize your imagination into special times, events, or things are just as boundless. Finally, be YOURSELF, or more importantly, STAY yourself. Many, many people are fooled later on in a relationship, or marriage when they realize that they do not really know the person they are with, and that is a cruel thing to find out. If you are being your true self now, then KEEP BEING that way, and him as well. It is WAY to easy to be a different person, to fool somebody in the early goings of a relationship, but if the person is presenting a different persona then they really are, it will eventually come out. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF, AND TO HIM, AND ACCEPT NOTHING LESS FROM HIM. Every day, every moment, every second in the right relationship is special, and memorable, share the time, excitement and feelings with him, and you both will go far and deeper into your love of yourself, and each other.\n\nGood luck and I wish you nothing but the very best