why am i being abused by my husband and why am i not being love by my husband?
150566
probably better to ask a marriage counselor : ) it could be lots of things, some which are "fixable", some which aren't.
290732
Having a physically abusing wife is serious and dangerous not to mention demeaning to you.  While it may not be reported often, because of the stigmatism associated with a man being beat by a woman, it doesn't mean that its not as serious.  \n\nDomestic violence of any kind is very serious, and there are support groups, shelters, and counselors that can help you.  \n\nPlease seek a family counselor to help you get over your physically abusive wife.  You will either help her to stop abusing you, or you will need to leave the marriage for your safety and protection.\n\nPlease call a counselor, speak to your religious leader, or go to a support group in your area.  \n\nDo not ignore this or try to handle it alone.  You should talk to someone about this.  \n\nPraying for your safety and peace.\n\n:o)
696018
I think your concerns are legitimate, and I think it's a good idea to consider carefully whether you want to let this abusive man back into your lives.  (I assume he abused you and the kids based on what you said.)  I think that people can change, but you should look for evidence that he is really serious about changing.  Enrolling himself in anger management classes or psychological counseling might be a good start.  Also, I think you have a right to be concerned about the timing of this "change of heart" and it sounds like you feel like he's using you, which sounds to me like a form of abuse.  I'd say, if you need help, get help from a battered women's shelter, an ecclesiastical leader, a counselor, or somebody else who can help you make a wise decision.  Remember to keep your kids in mind when you are making this decision -- think about what will be best for them.  God bless you.
997536
have you tried going to counseling? there are more was to abuse someone than just physical, there is emotional and mental.  so you feel he is being that way to you? i am divorced also,i did not give up on my marriage until he did not want to be there.  he didn't want to be there because i started fighting back, he had gotten physically and mentally abusive.  i had two small boys at the time and they were effected by his behavior also, even though it was not directed at them.  it was my son was 4 years old made the comment that we should live elsewhere, that i realized everything was over.\ndo i regret getting divorced, no, because i felt i tried everything to keep it together, and was hanging in for the kids sake.  when that was said to me i realized it was better to get the kids away from him.  if you can leave with a good conscience than do it.  no one has the right to take away your self respect or self esteem.  good luck in whatever you decide.
862135
Sweetheart...not sure why you titled this bi-polar husband...but your husband IS physically, verbally and emotionally abusing you and you need to get out NOW.  If he is bi-polar he can see a doctor and get on medication and then if you still want, the two of you can work on your marriage.  But for now...you need to leave...you are not helping either of you.  GBU
1048708
Your situation sounds very similar to my life story.  My wife and I got married very young, and I was not always very nice to her.  I drank a lot, and though I never physically abused her, I did emotionally.\n   She ended up becoming distant and looking for emotional relief in other men.  Never physical, but emotional hurts just as much.  I ended up meeting a woman, straying, and falling for her and it almost destroyed my life.\n   My wife and I go to counseling, which I suggest for you, and are working extremely hard to repair our marriage.  We are doing a good job, and things in many ways are better than ever, but there is still work for both of us to do.  In the end, ideally, we will have both grown stronger and love each other all the more because of all we have been though with each other.\n   This man is probably more of an infatuation than love because you are feeling things that you have missed.  Devote yourself to your husband, and him to you and remake better than before the love you had.\n   Get counseling, work it out.  Find you flame again.  If this does not work, than the only option left is to divorce, but this should be your last option, not your only option.\n\nGood luck.
418874
Its possible that both of you are trying to fill the roles of wife and husband. What I mean is not seeing each other as people,not dealing with things as they are but trying to do things as you think they should be dealt with. Maybe he thinks he should be in charge, telling you what to do what to spend. I think its time you 2 have a good long talk and find out how each of you really feels clear the air. Oh one other thing to think about your at that stage in a relationship where your past the first glow of love and seeing him as he really is, time to work at the relationship build it up or see if it can be worked out.
1105967
is ur man abusing u????
301642
You say you are a Christian and so am I... one of the symptoms of PTSD is victimizing others. I believe this is what he is doing. I suggest that you insist on two things - first, that he get out of the military the next chance he gets, and two that you go to counseling - TOGETHER. God does not allow for divorce in very many cases... adultery is one of them - if he gets physically abusive, that would also be an exception. If you are interested in saving your marriage, which you seem to be, then I suggest you try this. Your husband is going through something that you cannot understand, but he is dealing with it very poorly. So the solution is for you to understand, for him to get help, and for you to get help healing your heart. You have to get back on the same page. By the way, if you don't get help and the situation escalates, you could be at risk for PTSD, too. Best of luck and God Bless.
460197
I think that you should talk to him and ask him what is bothering him?. How long has he been accusing you of this?. Did something happen lately that made him start acting like that?. How long have you been married?. The first year it the toughest so hang in there and just try to be open and honest with him. communication is very important, i have been married for almost 19 years and i can tell you communication is very important
950078
You should have a discussion with your husband about the importance of communication.  Yes, you are still here because you love him.  He has to understand your hurt and disappointment.  You both need to agree to learn how to resolve your problems by communicating better and putting your marriage first above all else.\n\nYou said that you have been going through a rough time and  you were being stupid.  He was afraid of losing you.  If you feel like you've come a long way in your relationship, and the issues that caused the rough patch have been resolved, then let it go.  Don't throw it up in his face when something goes wrong, stick to the issue at hand.  If you don't think you can trust him, tell him so.  BUT I would encourage you both to get counseling; it will serve as a tool for you to move beyond what's happening now.  You don't want to get bogged down in resentment.\n\nIn his way, he recognized his mistake.  He distanced himself from everything associated with that situation.  He deserves a lot of credit for that.\n\nGood luck!
642159
Your husband has put a huge strain on your marriage and you just finally had it, and now that you took it serious he wants to try. I don't blame you one bit. Counseling can help when two people love each other and their just having problems where they both want to work out. But he is a mental and physical abuser. He needs counseling by himself first to face his demons. But if you don't love him anymore then you just don't, you can't stay with someone you don't love and counseling is not going to make you love him. It's not only that you don't love him you probably don't even like him either. Feelings can come back when you see a change in a person but you have so much resentment towards him it's not going to take your healing awhile. That man has done some serious damage and that's hard to heal. I know everyone wants that everlasting marriage but you never think your spouse is going to turn on you, no one knows what the future has to hold for them when it comes to their marriage. Sorry this is happening to you, I wish all the luck and girl stand your ground, you'll be just fine.
980776
My sister, \n\nLet me first say I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It takes courage to post a question like this and risk hearing answers you may not want to hear.\n\nYou need to get away from him.  I know this because I was in an abusive situation but I was married.  \n\nPlease open your heart to hear this the  best way you can.  You are a beautiful queen with a spirit who deserves the best in life. \nPhysical abuse and emotional abuse is wrong. Regardless of the reasons that he gives you for his actions.\n\nHe has real issues with anger and abuse because he was probably abused himself.  It still does not give him a right to abuse you.\n\nMy concern is with you.  Your heart knows that something is wrong.  I had to ask myself after I left my relationship.  What was it in me that allowed myself to stay even after I recognized something was wrong?  I ask you the same question.  No matter what has happened in your personal past that makes you feel bad about yourself, you can recover and build your self esteem to heal the wound.\n\nI say that because I have been there.  I will pray for you.  Get out and now and allow yourself to heal before entering another relationship.  You don't need to be with anyone.  Love yourself first.  Learn how to do that.  You deserve it.  Once you start to  love yourself you will be able to see exactly why leaving this relationship is a blessing.  \n\nFeel free to email me.  Call your local family violence shelter. I would also say to call a church.  Unfortunately there are a lot of Churches that don't have experience in domestic abuse.  So if you call there and it seems like no one understands you, that's one reason why.\n\nI know you can do this.  He has messed with your mind for 4 years and he knows how to get to you.  My heart hurts with you.\nTake Care of you.  Know that you are not alone.
994567
My husband and I have been married for a year and have been together for 5 years.  The first year was fine...2 months after we started dating I moved to Texas with my parents...9 months later I moved back to where he was and we moved in together I'd say about 6 months later is when it started.  He would get really angry because I was complaining too much about his job or that he wouldn't do the dishes when I asked and he would throw chairs...at the time we had those little plastic picnic chairs...and clothes at me or near me.  He would yell and scream at me and get right up in my face.  I don't remember him ever laying a hand on me during that time though.  About a year or two later we ended up breaking up mostly because we needed to be our own people for a while considering I was 17 when we moved in together and he was 20.  We were apart for about 2 months then we got back together and I moved in with him and his roommate at the time.  About a month or so later we got our own place and soon after that is when the major abuse started.  I never chalked it up as abuse though until I was watching some show and realized that my boyfriend was abusing me.  When he would get really mad at me he would grab my neck and pin me to the wall or throw me to the couch or the bed or where ever we were.  He has only slapped me twice and I've gotten a few bruises on my neck.  After I realized it was abuse I started to fight back and when he would grab my neck I would kick at him and push him away...I only did that a couple times because it made him even more angry.  We did end up getting married about 6 months after we got back together.  A lot of the abuse happened soon after we got married.  I only remember actually losing my breath and struggling to breath once...and that was a couple of months ago when we were in a car and arguing about he wanted to change his oil in front of an auto parts store but there was a guy outside that when my husband was in the store kept walking past the car looking at me in a weird way so when my husband came back to the car I told him I wanted to leave and told him the reason and so he got all upset and acted like a total baby and so on the way home I told him that him being my husband should want to protect me and want me to feel safe and whatever and I guess I said something wrong and he reached over and grabbed my neck and didn't let go right away like he normally did.  We got home soon after that and I went in and started to pack my things to leave and he came in and threw me on the bed and told me I wasn't leaving so I decided to leave my things and just leave and he just kept stopping me grabbing my wrists and he pushed me and I fell over a foot rest and hit my head.  I don't remember why I didn't leave.  but since then we have gone to a counselor I think two times...but now he works so much that we argue on the phone.  He never did this when he was drinking...we don't drink very much.  I don't know how he could do this to me either...he always said it was because I knew what made him mad but I still did it.  I have changed because of this...I don't say as much anymore and I pick and choose my words...I can't say I am afraid of him though.  I still say what I want when I'm really angry.  I know hes more afraid of my step dad than I am afraid of him though.  It use to happen at least once a week to twice a month.  We don't have kids...we have animals...whenever he kicks the dog I kick him...so see I'm not that afraid of him...I am for a couple weeks after the events happen though but normally I'm not.  He is intimidating though because hes a foot and a half taller than me.
97141
First question are you being phsyicaly abused? if so you should like you need to ask yourself is do you want to stay in this. If you do you only asking for what is being handed too you. If you want to get out of it what you should do is seek a lawyer. if you can't afford it then seek Legal aid they can help you for a small fee or no cost. Some states sence he if he is phsycaly abusive you might be able to seek a court order for him to be exparte from the resendence and also request that Tempory Spoucal support be paid till the divorce is over. You can also in some states seek what is called a bed and board divorce. This means you get the marrial resendence. I would HIGHLY reocmmend if he is physicaly abusive to you contact a lawyer ASAP! If this is a problem you can file it down at the court house. And seek consoling as no women or man should ever have to put up with phsycal abuse.
723161
No, it doesn't mean you don't really love him. Some of the things my husband does embarasses me. If I think he could be a 'better' person, then I suggest to him about changing. Sometimes I just live with it. :-)
861288
well a hard question, but if you have tried everything and talked to your husband about how you feel and he wont change then its time to end it.\nbe careful the fact that he digrades you and belittles you publicly is often the early signs of an abusive man. he is on a power trip and whats you to feel bad about yourself and make you think everything that happens to go wrong is your fault. once he gets you comfortablw with the he may get physically abusive to you. or else he may threaten to or actually harm your children. \nbe careful and make a plan for your exit. once you make up your mind you need to follow through and leave and don't ever look back\nif you want to talk to someone you can email me. ive been there and im out now.