I am going thru a horrible divorce and vow never to date again.If a man is interested,how do I trust men?
147916
With time. Don't expect it to happen immidiately.\nI went through the same, and it took time... sometimes I think I still don't trust anyone, but be forgiving of yourself, and definitely give it time.\nGood luck!!
1068558
First, burn all those Christian "courting" books, they can really mess you up in the head.  Here are the a few pearls of wisdom from a young married woman (who is probably certifiably crazy, so take with a grain of salt)  \n\n\nBe honest to the point of pain, tell them on the first date or before what you are looking for.  If they run when you say you want to wait, thank the Lord you didn't waste your time.\n\nDon't assume just because you met in Church the man is a Christian. Also don't assume Christian men won't want or won't push for sex - the earthly church is made up entirely of sinners.  That said, the "women are the gatekeepers" theory is idiotic.  Why would God put the main responsibility for that in the hands of the physically weaker party? You have to work those feelings and temptations out together.\n\nRemember once you start dating you will either break-up or get married.  The difference between dating and engagement in the Christian community is mostly immaginary.\n\nMost Christians "fall" into dating from a short friendship.  Which stinks for girls because we are not supposed to make any moves until we are actually "dating".  Good News - there is nothing in the Bible that says that. (Read about Abigail in 1st Samuel 25 and see if women are supposed to wait for men to act.)\n\nChosing to be married is like chosing to be a Monk, it has privilages but mostly it is about working out your faith through tedious tasks.  Be sure you want that, or you won't be happy with anybody.  That said, you are never "ready".\n\nHere is the worst news.  Because of all the bad info out there, there really isn't an accepted system for Christians to meet each other.  Any form of dating is considered at least mildly scandalous (no-one will admit to this but it is a culturally ingrained thing).  Be prepared for somebody if not everybody to disapprove at some level or another until you are engaged.  It stinks, but, like I said, the church is made up of sinners.  The good news is, this encourages quick engagements.
426835
Tell all your friends that you would like to find a good man to date. Every woman in the world knows at least a dozen good, single men that would "be perfect for you!" Of course, I'm exaggerating a bit, but the principle is "to let people know that you're available, should you get asked out." Tell your family(you know they want the best for you).Be observant when you go to the grocery store.....I'll bet you know at least one guy right now that really "trips your trigger"....find out if he's single. If so, then, start up a conversation,  about, preferably manly things, like, "my car sounds funny", or, "I have a cabinet door that sticks".......see where it goes from there! You MIGHT be surprised!! Good Luck...........there's a lot of decent, lonely men out there, just waiting on a nice lady like you.
916574
Men talk and they keep track of women who allow themselves to be used for sex. Stop hanging out in the places you are known to be seen in(such as bars/clubs). Find out where good men go in your area ---- my best dates have been with men I have met at the grocery store and the bookstore/library.\n  Don't have affairs -  and present yourself as a lady. Ask close family/friends  to help you find someone who's nice to date...or even try a dating service (one that is well established and has a good reputation).
809233
I asked myself that the last time I got my divorce. It doesn't mean that all guys are like that, because they are not. I guess you and I always find them first........lol! If your going through a heartbreak now, I am so sorry but it will get better with time. Don't ever let your guard down until you know he can trusted with your feelings. Good Luck, and have a Blessed Day.
863998
There are no rules.  When you feel comfortable, then you're ready to date.  Dating can actually be very healing because it will help you reaffirm that there are people out there with whom you can have a genuine relationship.  It helps to talk with other people who have been through the same thing.  There were two books that helped me: "Happily Even After" by Alan Cohen, and "Spiritual Divorce" by Debbie Ford.  My ex read them, too, it helped both of us and we have a good relationship now, which is important because we co-parent our kids.
840833
Hi Alayna:  My heart goes out to you for what you suffered when you were younger.  Many women who have endured abuse find it hard to trust men again, and have a hard time putting what happened in the past where it belongs - in the past.  A man can sense when a woman does not trust him, and most decent men have an inborn desire to protect a woman, not abuse her. Be warm and open, but cautious - there are still alot of creepoids out there.  Here is a website that I think you will find helpful - trauma survivors@googlegroups.com.  You can communicate with  other women who have  suffered the same abuse and rape trauma as you.  May God bless you and heal  your hurt, and help you move on to a happy life with a good, loving man.   JoAnn
194781
One place for you to meet a guy(and take it from me b/c im a guy) is church or even the gym. You have nice men that go there. But the main thing you must know is not to rush it. Don't act desperate for a man,because if you act desperate then that would send out the wrong man radar and then you'll find yourself dating a rapists or something. Your priorty is your children first, but if you want guarentee great men, church. Or maybe even at your job. But dont be in a rush to get a man... the right man would come to you.. and there is a right man for you somewhere.. Just dont go out on dates by yourself.. go in like groups first.
437880
Hi Sunshine!\n\nI was married for twenty two years and then divorced, so I can absolutely relate to your situation. I will share my experience and maybe it will help you - I sure hope so. (I married my high school sweetheart so he was the only person i had ever dated- talk about culture shock to start dating again).\n\nAfter my divorce, I felt the need to take a little time to adjust and get to know myself. Felt kind of like I had lost myself in the marriage so to speak. I spent the first 6 months after my divorce alone - it was a conscious choice i made. After that time frame, I started going out with my friends/socializing. Everything from going out dancing, traveling together, attending sports events, outdoor activities, etc...In doing these things i made more friends and when someone asked me out - I went. Dating alot during that time frame helped me to see what i really wanted in another person and it got me used to the dating scene again. I let the person know i hadn't dated in a long time and tried to have a sense of humor about the situation, but I would definitely not go on and on about your ex, your marriage, etc...no bigger turn off!\n \nI think sometimes it is hard in the beginning to think about dating because you are afraid things have changed drastically in the dating world after 25 years, but actually it is pretty much the same. Women just have more choices now, then they used to. We can ask guys out, make the decisions, etc...One difference i did find is alot of younger men asked me out. At first, I wasn't comfortable with this, but my friends said, that i needed to realize that age doesn't matter as much anymore. People look younger than they are and younger men seem to like older women because we are more secure and know what we want out of life. It seemed men my own age were interested in younger women after their divorces and older men are too set in their ways or couch potatoes, so the younger guy thing is an alternative - not that you can't find someone great who is a peer or older...\n\nI set some rules for myself as well: No guys too young - just wouldn't be right for me personally, and I have sons that are grown so i did not want to make anyone uncomfortable. I was 42 at time of my divorce and dated men mostly in 34 to 42 age group. I also decided to set limits for sexual activity as well.\n\nDon't be afraid to try internet dating svcs. It is the new way to meet people - you do have to be careful. Don't give out personal info at first, write to them, talk on phone and then finally meet them in a public place. I dated for eight years after my divorce had a great time, met wonderful people and not so wonderful people and just six months ago met a guy online first time i gave yahoo personals a try and we are getting married this year!\n\nHave fun, be adventurous and don't take life too seriously.\nMaybe the first few dates will be hard - getting  used to the dating thing again, but it will get easier and easier. Oh, and if you have kids that are concerned about the dating thing - communicate with them\n\nGood Luck!\nalaska friend
664789
Dude, you sound just like me. My wife left me last July.  We had been together for 7 years.  We didn't have kids, do you?  I think that might make a difference.  Anyway, I turned 28 2 days after the divorce was final.\n\nYou have every right to feel scared.  Since we were kids whenever we hooked up with our exwives, we never really went through the dating scene that you are about to enter.  I see that some of the peeps are advising you not to enter in to a relationship, but you arent asking about a relationship, you are asking about dating, gotta keep that seperated.  If you are anything like me, your world has stopped spinning and you are all sorts of messed up in the head.  Don't let that part of you bring down the rest of you.  For me, it was real freaking important psychologically to know that I could still pull tail.  Let me tell you, it was not that hard.  Just so you know, I am nothing special.  I aint Mr. GQ.  I aint some gym rat either.  I tell you that because I always see dudes our age at the bars all GQ'd out looking like they live in the gym and I never thought I could compete with that, well don't.  You don't have to.  You don't want the bar flies that chase those dudes anyway.  \n\nFirst thing you gotta do is get your mind right.  You are a dude that was faithful to 1 girl from the time you were an irresponsible kid till now.  You havent been in bars chasing skeezers every night since you turned 21.  You are a good dude that is different than those type of guys.  You understand relationships and women.  You know the expectations of a woman and will naturally meet them.  Things like calling, being thoughtful, etc. are hard for dudes who have never been married, its natural for you and women love that.  Girls that are our age have the same concerns that we do.  Good girls are looking for good dudes and are willing to give you a chance if you can present an acceptable formula of traits.  You know you can.  \n\nI have dated 5 girls since my wife left me 9 months ago.  1 was a girl that I knew from highschool, (work that circuit).  3 were girls that I met via my job that worked for other companies, and the most recent one was an acquaintance of one of my friends wives.  If you are anything like me, your friends are all married and the wives know that you are a good dude, thus willing to set you up.  Keep your expectations real.  You know deep down the level of girl that you can pull.  Work all angles and dont listen to anyone who gives you a time table.  You need female companionship to get your esteem up.  Take it where you can get it.\n\nYou'll be alright.  It'll all work out for you my man.
829931
i would tell you to make sure who you are with is clean and dont stay single over this there is a thing called tests to see if you or this man you might fall in love with can get and it now days pays to be safe rather than sorry in my opion?
596873
Remember that all guys are trying to get L@id and I’m thinking that he is preying on the fact that you just got a divorced.  Take it slow until you figure out what his game is.
320454
Do something that you've always wanted to do but couldn't do when you were married, this will certainly make you look on the bright side of being single with no commitments.  As for trusting guys, there are plenty of good ones out there, unfortunately the good guys don't always meet the good girls first time round.
677649
This is a common problem in relationships and marriages today. Believe me when I say..."You are not alone!" It's the reason for infidelity and divorces today. But what you have to realize is that if you truly want to stay with this man, be devoted to him and have a marriage that zings. You are going to have to work on YOU first. Now I know you don't want to hear that. No one does! That's why people just throw in the towel and move on to the next failed relationship. Trust me no matter who you would be with next. There is going to be SOMETHING you aren't going to like, or you might end up with someone worse. (ex. he may drink, abuse or cheat on you). \nSo, how do you work on you? In order to rebuild that bond that you once had you are going to have to do the complete opposite of what you are doing now. Which means, getting a babysitter and going out on dates. Going away for the weekends, spending quality time together. Maybe you can't afford to do this all of the time. But spending time together does not have to cost much money. Go to your local park and take a lazy sunday afternoon stroll. One night a week make it date night. It could be anything from getting a movie and sitting on the couch together. Or going out to your favorite restuarant. Talk to your mate about your dreams, your goals, and your hopes for the future. If you are afraid of something open up to him and express that. \n In your explanation to your question never once did you dishonor him and say that he was a bad person. In fact you did quite the opposite. This tells me that you respect him still and obviously you still care about him. You are trying to seek answers on what you should do. That's a step in the right direction. \nMy last suggestion is that I would encourage you to seek professional marriage counseling in your area. There are a lot of very qualified couselors who specialize in marriage problems. Again, you are NOT alone! It seems to me that he truly wants to work on things with you. At least take this step and if it doesn't seem to help, (which I doubt you will feel that way) then you can at least say that you gave it your best shot! I hope this helps!\nI wish you the best of luck!!
54363
I believe that there is somone for everyone.  Keeping your eyes open is part of it, but you need to be sure you know what you expect and that it is reasonable.\n\nNoteworthy requirements everyone should have would be as follows:  You should look for someone who respects you....this makes it easy to respect him back.  Seek someone who shares common goals and ideas as you...this includes morality and family values.\n\nThere are men out there who are willing to love and BE loved (I am one of them!)  Use your common sense and I am sure you will find him!\n\nTake care and I wish you the best
914178
As a fellow Cancerian, I understand your pain....Men seem to take our meekness for weakness, steal our hearts, and never come back!  I would suggest that you find the answers within yourself.  Start by making yourself happy before trying to get a new man to get over your ex with, or else you'll be stuck in a relationship that is going no where just to say you have a man!!
165928
Wait and see how things go after your divorce is final.. He may fear reprocusions from a jealous husband.  Also are you sure that a committed relationship is really what you want.  After all, you are just getting out of a committed relationship.  Maybe you should give yourself some time to be free and single and then take another look at your feeling towards this man friend.\n\nGood luck to you in all you do..