married 4 20 yrs & more in luv with her now than 1st met. how can we save our marriage there are so many scars
139841
Express to her how much you love her and that you love her more than ever.  If communication is a problem.. suggest marriage counseling.  Explain to her that making your marriage work is more important to you than anything.  Just tell her how you feel!
1128921
Just love her and be patient with her. Tell her that you believe in her and that she isn't any of those things, and that you think she is wonderful. Emotional scars take time to heal.
46352
I don't know how or why she's being a "beach", but I can tell you that you can't MAKE anyone do anything.  The only person on this earth you can change is yourself.  So my advice to you is make sure you are being the right kind of husband, no matter what she does or says.  Don't let her provoke you into behaving badly.  I know, easier said than done, but that is about your only option, other than ending the marriage, which it doesn't sound like you want to do.  Get yourself some good books on marriage and how to be the ideal husband.  Work on yourself.  It just might do her some good!
696397
Oh, don't you just love being a woman!  As women, we tend to always want to mend anything, regardless of how much it's hurts us in the past.  My advice to "put the spark back into your marriage" would be to start doing absolutely NEW things together.  This way, you begin creating new memories that will hopefully be pleasing to you.  Then, these new memories can start to fade away the old negative ones and give you more of a sense of hope.  Also, if you believe in the Lord, pray about it.  Satan's best way to destroy you is to start in your home by separating the family.  He attempts to destroy that first, then begins working on you individually.
533077
This is a situation that takes lots of time and consideration. I know what you mean I'm in the same boat. I'm 23 with 2 kids and I love my husband dearly, but there is one old boyfriend who makes my heart skip a beat but I know that we weren't meant for each other or things would have happened differently. You love your husband, if you didn't you would've left him by now. The only thing that's different now is the new guy. My advice to you is not to tear up a family of 3 years just because the grass looks greener on the other side, because it never is! Women are hopeless romantics and we would do almost anything to be swept off our feet and ride off into the sunset with prince charming on his white horse. But if you were to leave this man of 3 years what would be different with the new one? Three years from now will be the same story. You have to learn how to make things in your current relationship stay fresh and vibrant. You have to keep the flame burning. When a fire starts to die you just add more wood. Not wait till it burns out and then start a new one. Trust me, if both of you work at it and you keep open and honest communication between you and your spouse you will have a relationship that is almost unheard of now a days!
807293
Talk to your wife. If she really does love you she will listen but you have to do some work. Give it your all!!!!
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
895616
been down this kind of road your walking on now, the pain will never be gone completely, as time goes on the pain will ease up and you will regain your self back. learn from this with the understanding that not all women do this to their husbands. and people do make mistakes with some being devastating to the ones left holding their harts after it being ripped from their chest. \n\ngetting her back is what you want for you want your life to return to the way it was prior to any cheating, getting her back isn't what you need right now, you'll have trust issues with her that will drive you both apart and working out problems in a relationship will take two people that want it to work, truly want it to work. at this time i don't see this being on her list of things to do.\n\nit's all about you and your kids right now, try as hard as you can not to think that your going to get her back in time. if and when this ever does come around and the opportunity presents it's self to you then and only then should you leap to the chance. it's going to be a upward walk everyday for some time now, and you must keep you mind on what will be the best for you and your kids, her watching this will in time show that you are the stronger parent and she might have made the most devastating mistake of her life.\n\nif and when she does want to return to being a family again you need to now that it will never be as it was, no amount of work can change your memory and that memory will have issures with her and the choises she made. untill you have walked this road and feel the pain it has to offer you, people have their own words to offer you and I too had told many people that i would do this and that, and the day my ears heard the word from the love of my life, i pray others will never have the pleasure of hearing them in their life. \n\ni would tell every one dealing with this pain not try reconnecting with their partner till the pain has passed and your ready to try woking on the real problems in hand, most people never wake up one morning and head out the door to cheat on their partner, most is the aftermath of a problem at home or with their partner, finding out what the real problem is and how to overcome it is where you need to start working up to the cheating, and working it in this order will let you know why she felt the way she did.\n\ntime will heal the pain and learning from the past is the only way we can improve our furture, take your time and good luck with the path your walking down, remembering that your not walking it alone for thats why it's a path, many have walked it and many more will.
1128347
Well, as a wife and mother of 5 children and married for 23 yrs...I can honestly say love is unconditional and is sometimes a rollercoaster...if you are not already married, you still have a choice...but do know this friend..."what once was, can be again"...sometimes you have to return to your first love..the things you did...what you said...how you treated each other...now, if those "things" you refer to are harrassing, violence, and such...a sit down talk in a "neutral" spot is the answer there. Be honest if this must be done...be specific..& don't leave it "open ended"...like "we'll see"...I need space for now...needs to be clean cut...best of everything!
524551
It seems when things get tense we always imagine the worst will happen to our marriage.  It doesn't have to just because someone else did it.  We can always get past a tough point.  Maybe you just need more time together.
637179
Been there done that...whats up with the 23rd year...Its alot of years, you'll never forget the past, my marriage was great the first 20 years, but I could see the dis-interest building as the months after pasted by...and she too felt she was no longer in love with me, however I later found out her interests were directed toward another...suggestions..Seek marriage council advice, put forth a 100% effort to resolve such conflict, and if it doesn't turn out happily ever after, if there ever was an ideal time to be single , its with a good job, no mortgage and your child a grown adult...very simular to my situation...its was 2 yrs separated and 3 years since divorce and those conditions were blessings in disguise.
138531
Explain to her that you love her and if you could change the past, you would. Good luck!
314557
She used to look at me with the most admirable eye-sight,listen carefully what I said to her and the family,she's not agree every time,but showed respect was really made me love her forever.And remind yourself keep  attractive to him by little thing like pick up something in front of him,it's works no matter how long you married.\nGood Luck
1004869
You need to use this time for reflection, love does not disappear that easy! Communication is the key, maybe she is afraid, the best thing you can do is show her that you support her and care. Take it slow and both of you need to rememer the things that brought you together in the first place. If after all this she still does not want to marry, LET GO...
680869
First and foremost, did you talk to her about this? If you have done this and many other things to save the marriage but nothing has changed, show up with divorce papers and tell her you want a divorce. But I suggest you talk things over first.
16860
there is a generation gap between the 2 of you.  she was 23 and you were 52 when you got married.  her interests, goals, values etc are probably different than yours.
1048708
Your situation sounds very similar to my life story.  My wife and I got married very young, and I was not always very nice to her.  I drank a lot, and though I never physically abused her, I did emotionally.\n   She ended up becoming distant and looking for emotional relief in other men.  Never physical, but emotional hurts just as much.  I ended up meeting a woman, straying, and falling for her and it almost destroyed my life.\n   My wife and I go to counseling, which I suggest for you, and are working extremely hard to repair our marriage.  We are doing a good job, and things in many ways are better than ever, but there is still work for both of us to do.  In the end, ideally, we will have both grown stronger and love each other all the more because of all we have been though with each other.\n   This man is probably more of an infatuation than love because you are feeling things that you have missed.  Devote yourself to your husband, and him to you and remake better than before the love you had.\n   Get counseling, work it out.  Find you flame again.  If this does not work, than the only option left is to divorce, but this should be your last option, not your only option.\n\nGood luck.