i am going to Basic and AIT for the army, and i am leaving my boyfriend.?
139758
What would you have to lose?  If you leave him before you go to AIT then you don't have him for sure.  If you go to AIT, he may not leave you.  Just depends on whether or not you really want him.
1020209
Well I went through the same things so I can tell you EXACTLY what she have to expect to happen. He is already in the army and at his duty station, which mean that she is NOT in his orders. They can get married but they are NOT going to move her or the kids (if any) because they weren't married BEFORE he got the orders. So as far as the military is concerned, the marriage mean NOTHING. After he comes back home for good or get orders to be stationed somewhere else then its a process (About 2-3weeks) (maybe shorter or longer) to get in the DoD system) he have to go through to get his wife and the kids (if any) in the system so that they can be included in his orders next time. My husband is in the Marines and he got orders to Japan. We got married after he received his orders so i had to wait until his two year were up (which will be next month) before me and our child were included in his orders. So from next month on out me and our daughter will be able to travel with him where-ever he goes....if I can answer any more questions just let me know, cause I KNOW 1st hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as housing goes once he is stationed at another base or whateva they an get on base housing (if available) if not he can get BHA (Basic Housing Allowance)...which will pay for them to live in civilian housing off-base. So they can get married and YES it can work out even though there is a HIGH divorce rate for the military..it all depends on them if they willing to make it work...(Its hard at times though but they just have to be strong)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
761524
Well that's very sweet, so just tell him you care about him.  Do not expect him to return to you after he joins the military ( I do not mean that he will get injured, hurt, or maimed), those are likely possibilities, but he will be very lonely while he is in basic training, so he will probably call you and write you....however, once he is out of basic training and starts to g et his freedoms, he will venture out of his "homesick" mode, just guard yourself emotionally and be prepared for it.  I do encourage you to let him know you care tho' because you are right, you never know what could happen, and it is always best to operate with a clean slate....  Trust me, I've seen this happen so many times....I spent a whole career in the military....  I joined because I was chasing a boy that I was crazy over.......never did hook up with him again....as a matter of fact, don't even know where he is 20 years later...  Good luck, don't take it too seriously....
1005552
There are no promises that you will be safe....  so how do you make that commitment to her that you will be.  The men in your platoon(or whatever) will be trained to do their very best and obviously you want to come back in one piece if you are deployed.  But it takes a while to get training.\nYou can tell her that God will be watching over you (because he will) and that you look for
367838
Wow, first I'm sorry. Try and let the pride for what he is doing feel the space left in your heart when he leaves.  There are a lot of ways to keep in touch, but you are right it can be expensive. \n\nMy husband and I use the yahoo calling feature.  We bought webcams, and headsets for the computer and we can call for free.\n\nTherer is also IM, and ofcourse the mail.  Calling cards are ok but they get really expensive.  You can get free ones sent to him from places like the VFW website. They are not for much but they add up over the six months.\n\nMake sure he hooks you up with the support center on post.  They will have dedicated phone lines for "Morale Calls"\n\nThe mail is great.  Send him packages as often as you can. Check out http://www.anysoldier.com/ for tips on the way you pack them because it really does make a differance.\n\nCircuit City, and target both offer free shipping to APO's so you can send him movies, music etc.\n\nWrite everyday.  It's going to take about a month for your letters to to start getting to him, and they will come in a bunch at a time so number the outside of the envelopes so he knows what order to read them in.\n\nThe Army has Family readiness groups training online, which can really help at a time like this.  They also have videos online for Operation Ready which can answer a lot of your questions and help to keep your expectations real.\n\nBe strong, and keep the faith.  All this is part of being in love with a Hero.  These guys do a tough job because they a courageous and noble men.  Be proud, show your support at home, and love him like crazy. There are also a million other Army wives (like me) you can talk to.  Feel free to write me.\n\nGood Luck :)
298395
This is hard, and it amounts to what do you really want to do.  There are many benefits to marrying in the military.  However it is going to be a reality that you will have to move away from your family.  Listen to what your heart tells you.
560693
Feeling trapped is a common reason for re-enlistment. But that's also pretty much a commitment to be a lifer. You've got a family to support.  Is his carreer going well?  If he's got something that will hold him back (NJP's, weight/physical problems) from picking up Staff with in the 12 year time frame, do you want to invest that much time in the military only to be denied reinlistment down the road?  Does he have job skills that can help him in the civilian world?  It's not as scary as it seems, but when you are used to guaranteed pay and health benefits it's intimidating.  This is something you two need to decide for yourselves, since you know your situation better than any of us.  But don't be afraid of change, if you decide to get out.  And if you stay in, just make sure your career is on the right track and you'll keep moving up.
606165
What an honor to be married to a man who wants to continue to serve and protect his Country.  Being able to obtain higher eduction during or after his term of enlistment is one of the least benefits we can offer the protectors of our freedom and Country.\n\nYou say you are newlyweds; and, by your own admission, he didn't re-up in the Army because *you* didn't like it.  So, it leads me to believe that you "knew what the job was when you took it."  Perhaps you need to understand that maybe he feels called to do it; that being a protector of his Country is something he sees as his duty.\n\nYou cannot marry a man and hope to change him.  No one should marry with the hopes of changing the other.  If you fell in love with him while he was military, then a huge part of the person you fell in love with was how he believed in himself as a military man.\n\nSounds to me like he tried ~ for your sake.  And now it's time for you to stop acting like a spoiled, entitled princess who makes all the decisions in the family.  Your husband is an adult and can make his decisions independently of you.  At least he consulted with you and tried his best to put all your fears to rest.\n\nShould you threaten to leave him if he does this, it's quite likely he'd be better off with out you.  You come across as a very stifling person; a dream killer, so to speak.  There are a LOT of women out there who would likely burst with pride to have a husband like that.\n\nStand proudly by his side with your head held high and give him all the support you would expect him to give you in any important decision you were making.  If you can't do that, then give the man a break.  You've probably about worn him out by now with shrewish behaviors.\n\nVery, very sad.
531554
I understand how you feel. My spouse is in the service and it kills me when he has to deploy. Unforunately, you can't stop him from going but you can do alot to help the time pass. \n\nSurround yourself with friends and family, pick up a hobby, concentrate on raising and playing with your baby, go to the gym or go swimming, start an online journal....the list goes on.\n\nTry to keep your head up. Letting your Husband know that you are upset will make him upset and we both know that'll just add more stress to his situation. It'll be hard but try to stay positive.\n\nIt is definitely tough....but remember....there is nothing like a great homecoming.\n\nI hope I helped. :-)\n\nGod bless.
712375
My husband is in the military.  We were engaged when he was in Germany and I was in Michigan.  We married when he returned and moved to Fort Jackson, SC.  The move was easy, the military moves you.  Just say good bye to friends and family and keep in touch with them.  Being deployed is a worry I have every day.  He already has been once.  It is probabley the hardest thing anyone goes through.  You just have to be ready, be supportive, be faithful, and be sensitive to your man.  Good Luck and God bless.
767092
break up with him and go with me
189954
oh no, your in for it now. I won't go back with him or else you might have lots of drama. I know I've joked around a bit in here but for all seriousness. Your boyfriend will be pissed off and you'll never hear the end of it.
1015068
As a soldier, I am getting sick of not seeing my spouse. We have been seperated for 14 months. We both serve - him in Afghanistan and myself to Iraq. That being said, being in Iraq and seeing it first hand, I know that we cannot pull troops out of Iraq until stability is reached and the Iraqi government can sustain themselves. Unfortunately this will take years.
28649
Changing from military life to civilian life is hard enough on a Soldier/Marine, without adding war experience.  His whole way of life has just changed and to top it off, he has experiences that could change the way he thinks of the world, himself, etc.  Give him time - lots of time - and let him know you are there for him to share whatever he wants to share, or, not share, whatever makes him feel the most comfortable.  As strange as it may sound, a lot of times there is a sense of guilt after leaving the military.  His friends are still in Afghanistan, and he's sitting on the couch watching TV.  He had a job, now he's looking for employment.  The list goes on and on...  The stress of it all can take it's toll in many different ways.  You might want to talk to a professional yourself (there are VA services, etc.), to see exactly why the sex part of the relationship is an important validation to you in the marriage (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, just a thought), and maybe he'll want to join you in therapy to help clear his head.  Just remember - we really don't know what they've gone through, and he might not be up to talking about it yet.  I wish you both the best - and my thanks to him for serving in the military!
446993
If he is regular army (RA) you can expect him to be deployed quite a bit in the next few years as the operations tempo is probably going to be pretty high. So, at least for the time being, get used to him being away. \n\nAlso, if he wants to make this a career, get used to moving around a bit. You will have the opportunity to live in different areas of the country as well as different countries, not always of you and your husband's choosing. It's a difficult lifestyle, one that many civilians don't and really can't understand. But take comfort in the fact that other military wives (and husbands if the female is a soldier and the husband is a civilian) are in the exact same boat as you, friends are easy to make.
753245
Sounds like at least one of you is afraid of being left. Or maybe you don't want to hurt each other by making a commitment and then leaving, so you just refrain from making a commitment... and you practice leaving.  Girl, you should only practice what you want to be good at !\n\nIn many parts of the world marriages are arranged. In other words, the sex is the first part of the relationship, and over time the couple can learn to know & love each other. \n\nI left my family & moved from New England to Minnesota, where my husband's family all live. It was a couple years of culture shock, but we're still together after almost 23 years of marriage.\n\nDo you trust him? Are you willing to trust ANYone?  If he changes, will you stay with him? (like, loss of health, financial worries causing depression, etc)... in my experience, Air Force fellows are top quality. Yes, the military changes a person -- military people  have been forcibly changed, so they can do their jobs & survive; that's not a bad thing, it's just a factor to consider.\nMotherhood changes a person, too.  Not all changes are permanent, but they're not all predictable either. That's where the trust comes in. Trust isn't a feeling; it's a decision.\n\nHe might have a need to be "at home" (in his case, it's Ohio); home is, by definition, where we feel safe.  Can you make your home somewhere other than Washington? I did. I used to live in rural Tacoma. I know how beautiful it is there. But family circumstances required I move, and I learned to appreciate New England. It took me 2 years, but I did it.\n\nMy recommendation? Meet his family.  (Wonderful guys usually come from nice families, so I bet they're nice). And marry him.
434150
You said he is in the  military , are they planning to deploy him ? and if so could any of this behavior be coming from him feeling insecure because he knows about your active past, maybe he feels you will not be faithful while he is gone.