i am unhappy in my marriage...nothing real bad...should i stay for the kids...or move on with my life?
111628
You say you are "unhappy", what does that mean?  If there were no kids involved i'd say move on, but children are precious and deserve all you and your wife can do to resolve this.  But making your kids the reason for staying is weak, nobody wins.  Communication is the key, there had to have been a time when your wife was the best woman that happened to you right?  She still is and it's worth finding out together what changed.  And even if you still come to the same conclusion you can honestly say you tried, do THAT for the children.
38928
Don't stay if really unhappy. But be sure about it, sometimes things don't go the way we want, but could be just temporary. Be honest to yourself and whatever your decision is don't regret. Good luck.
347789
My advice is to sit down and talk with your wife. Find out why she left you and try to resolve the problem. If you do get it resolved, your kids will listen to you and your wife. If it doesn't, talk to your kids. Find out why they went to stay with your wife and inlaws. Agian, try to resolve the problems. If those problems can't be resolved peacefully with your wife, get a lawyer so you can have time with your kids too. It's not fair to you to  have to sit and miss your kids who you love while your wife gets to see them all the time. You should both have equal rights to see them.
700602
Ugh...what a mess. Look, no one is perfect and there are a ton of people on here who will tell you what a bad person you are because of this scenario. First and foremost, please remember no one has the right to judge you. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone hurts people...nobody is above this. Please don't listen to all the horrible words posted here. It doesn't make you a "bad" person...but you are troubled and confused and this situation is only going to lead to so much hurt and pain for so many people, especially the kids. I hate to say this, but most likely he will stay with his wife. I know you love him and can't imagine a life without him, but you have to right now. You're both obviously in marriages that aren't working. This is where you need to focus your efforts right now. If you're so in love with him wouldn't you want him fully devoted to you? I thought so. And if he truly loves you, then he'll want to be with YOU and only you. For your own health, well-being and safety, stay away from this right now. If there's any hope for the two of you, it will be later on when all the issues have been dealt with and all the pain has healed. I wish you all the best.
93595
If you're miserable in your marriage and you have tried unsuccessfully to work things out with your husband then there is only one thing you can do--SHOW HIM THE DOOR.  Trust me...I was in a dead-end marriage and was totally miserable.  The only reason I stayed in the marriage as long as I did was for the kids. But now I look back at it and realize that I should have left him long before we even got married, because there were signs there that things weren't going to be right.\n\nSo many times us women think if we just stick things out things will change, or even we can change the man.  But sadly that doesn't happen, and for you to stay in a marriage\nwhere you feel alone is only going to hurt you.  Life is short--you deserve to be happy and feel loved and like you have a partner in your relationship.\n\nRegarding your previous split with your husband, it sounds like he was almost over-doing it in fear of losing you.  It shouldn't take the fear of losing you to make him treat you like his wife.  Cut him loose, and when he comes a wooing tell him "Sorry, you had your chance."  Then get out there and find you a good man.  You'll be glad you did.
555060
no, leave, why put your spouse through that, they deserve better, move along
1025223
I think you already know.  You are not happy in this marriage, your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all.   You don't see any way to get him to change and you don't want to live this way.  I don't like to recommend divorce but if all you say is true than I think that would be the best thing if you want a happy future for yourself.
635403
You need to get a different perspective - change your job.  You also need to develop a different strategy over your children.  Put yourself in a position that shifts the focus from the difficulties you have with your wife  that will continue obviously at least for the present, so that your children are not affected at least by your side of the argument.  They need you to be there and be strong.  They need a frame of reference with their father that will steady them and keep them grounded.  Kids pick up instability in their parents very quickly.  Do not do anything rash but continue on being a stable, grounded human being yourself and put your own issues with your wife away.  The kids now need a new life with both of you.  Please make the journey for them is as free from your own and your wife's issues as possible.  They do not need the bitterness, retaliation or confusion that comes with this.  As for God - pray and ask His direction.  He loves your kids too so you definitely need His wisdom.  Ask for it - you will get it.
635280
Wow, this is tough...I think that it's tough because of the children, if you were a childless couple then I would say move on but when there are kids involved it's not that easy. How long were you together before you got married? It must not have been long because you say that this is a personality type that your not accustomed too and if you were with her for awhile you would have seen her true personality.\n\nIt seems to me that your in a quandary and the only advice I can give to you is counseling. If she is unwilling to go you need to go by yourself so that you are able to make well thought out decisions. I lived for 15 yrs. with a man that had no personality and he was very hard on the kids. I put up with this dysfunctional behavior for a long time and when I did leave it was hard but in the end it all worked out and it was worth the struggles we went through. The reason why I am telling you this is sometimes marriages do not work out and most of the time it is for the better. I am not telling you to give up on your marriage but if she is unwilling to compromise then that maybe the answer. I wish you the best of luck with your decisions.
520253
This is not a good situation.  You need to take a step back and take a look at what your kids need.  It doesn't sound like they are growing up in a healthy atmosphere.  If they are exposed to this in any way it will cause harm over time and affect their own relationships as adults.  If you have made efforts to communicate with your husband and he refuses to work with you, you need to make a hard decision for yourself and your children.  You need to talk to a counselor yourself to sort everything out.\n\nIf you choose to leave your husband it is okay.  Do not be manipulated by threats of suicide.  He needs to get help.  It souldn't be the reason to stay in a relationship that is damaging to yourself and your children.
601971
I am sorry, but that is pretty much the stupidest reason I have ever heard for leaving your husband esp. if you gots kids - you need some serious help...
1162266
In my opinion the two people involved are obviously unhappy with their lives so they need to decide what exactly it is that they want and move on. If you're unhappy in the marriage let it go and be together but if there's still a chance that they can salvage the marriages than they need to walk away from the affair. In any case a decision must be made. It's not fair to anyone involved if things stay the way that they are.
405565
Why would you stay if it is that bad? This doesn't make any sense to me. If the marriage is bad then take yourself out and live your life in peace...Lady
1070570
Be miserable, like I am. It wouldn't be so bad if the man I married loved and respected me. I guess that doesn't help you, but these things happen. Do what you need to do to make things right, if you can.
1163862
do what is best for you and your child...i was with my older sons dad for 9 years and he was a cheater and a liar too... i finally left when i found someone i thought i wanted to be with.... it didn't work out in the end.. but life is funny.. it always works itself out .. i never went back to the kids dad i was much better off without him....and much happier on my own.... don't stay because of your child... you will be a better person and mother if you are happy. follow your heart and don't look back!  things happen for a reason... i believe that.
1024920
First of all, YOU deserve to be loved. I would never tell you to stay for the children. How could that be good for them to live in a home where the two people they are supposed to count on, cant count on each other. Children have the ability to learn to cope with and make the most of what they are given. Give them a loving home where thay feel safe and they will be fine. If possible...I would say to come to terms with your husband before this goes to court, it will much easier for everyone all around if you can seperrate on good terms.  He knows he hasnt changed, and he knows he isnt going to. He is holding out for you to just accept things the way they are. Go ahead, talk to him  without fighting about it, let him know that some things just cant be bargained and your not happy. He broke the deal when he didnt hold up his end of the deal. Good luck, and be happy. Not only for yourself...butfor your kids too. You may find they are happier too when they are living in a happy environment.
974228
Don't listen to all the negativity that people are posting.  You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing.  So that is good.\nYou are both young with a toddler and you're a newly married couple...so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week.  It's not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.  \nJust keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out...just the two of you have an evening out once in a while...be silly have fun...just be together...I bet it's been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.  \nAny relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through...it's ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.\nDon't give up there is ALWAYS hope!!!  Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!