How do I deal with taking my acoholic husband back after he left for another woman? He is now sober and tryin?
113933
I think you should support him as far as the stopped drinking part, but also let him know as long as he has contact with the other woman that there is not a chance in he$$ that you will ever commit to him or trust him again.  It takes two to make a marriage work not one and although he has made a few changes he has not yet made the most important one of completly cutting all ties with this other woman.
1115272
I think you need to make your feelings as regards this relationship with another woman known to your husband. he is your husband and you have to save your marriage. tell him he needs to see the damage his relationship with this woman is doing to your marriage. as you have spoken to the woman and she has refused to let go, tell your husband the woman has no respect for his marriage, he needs to choose between his friendship with the other woman and his marriage (his wife and kids). dont go fighting him, do things with wisdom, love and gentless.endeavour to always show him love and always communicate with him.communication is very important in a relationship
503824
I agree with your conditions and had the same in my marriage it lasted 28yrs. He cheated 3yrs in and I forgave him by the time we had been together 15yrs he was an alcoholic and I sttod by him and tried desperately to get him to go for help. Then 7 months ago he came in pissed and hit me.....end of the 28yr marriage!!!!! Haven't seen him since. Stick to your conditions.
985852
My parents got divorced and it was the best thing they could have done for us. I also am divorced and have two children. Their father and I co-parent very successfully because we got out of it before we turned hateful. I knew that it was enough when he would come home and I felt like my day just got shot down the tubes. Life is too short to be with someone who is not right for you. Try to discuss it when he is sober. Try counseling for yourself as an individual first, then suggest it for family therapy. If that does not work, then at least you tried and you know that you are doing the right thing.  It is a difficult decision, but just try to think if this is the man who you want to be with for every day of the rest of yoiur life. There may be someone else better suited for each of you and you will not be able to pursue that until you straighten out things for yourself first. Good luck with this sweetie, I know it is hard, but you can do it !
803808
You have got to get past this issue.  It is NOT healthy.  He can not change his past, it isn't going to magically go away.  But I would place fair bets he barely ever gives those other women a moments thought.  He chose you, he is with no one else but you now, and he LOVES you and you alone.  If you do not somehow move past this you could start acting out in anger towards him and in the process push you husband away.  You don't want that, I don't want that for you.\n\nIf you can't come to terms with it by yourself, then you need to seek therapy.  For yourself and for the overall health of your marriage.\n\nedit - Your anger stems from jealousy which in turn stems from fear.  You are afraid (most likely) that you are not good enough or not as good as them.  Truly, seek professional help.
1051155
Deal with the alcohol first and ignore the under-30 ignorant responses you'll get here.  \n\nTalk to a professional rehab counselor who can get help for your husband.  Believe me, I have much experience in this field.  \n\nThe alcohol is a response to his own self-hatred and anger and it will come out as misplaced and on you.  \n\nYou must deal with this, this is the key.  All of it is connected, but the professionals will tell you and so will I:  The alcohol is never the problem:  what makes a person want to drink is.  \n\nBeing self-centered and unfaithful also spring from this.   \n\nTake action, don't wait, don't enable, don't make excuses, don't feel sorry for yourself.   Just act.\n\nJeff
1133918
I understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic and it sucks.  I don't know why I let it last as long as it did (5 years).  He took off on a weekend too and I had no idea where he was, but to make matters worse my car was in the driveway but waiting for him to fix it and as for my motorcycle, he purposely took my key so I couldn't go anywheres (lived way out in the country on a dead-end road).  He constantly made promises with the kids (we each had one) and broke them because he was drunk so I had to do the promised things with them by myself.\n\nIf he is indeed changing then give him another chance.  You need to stop thinking about the other guy.  Do not talk to him or see him for the next few months at least.  See how it goes with your bf at home.  You may have to take the kids and leave for awhile.  But don't jump into anything new yet.
1000512
Give him the option to get help for his addiction and return home, or file for divorce.  He will continue to treat you like crap if you let him.  good luck!
389309
FIRST LET ME START OFF BY SAYING THAT I'M SORRY THAT THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU. NOW EVERYONE IS TELLING YOU TO LEAVE HIM. IT'S EASIER TO SAY THAN TO DO. YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THAT YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 8 YEARS I SHOULD KNOW AND I'M ONLY 25 HE'S 40. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE ALONE ALL OF THE TIME. I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU TO TAKE HIM TO A REHAB CUZ THEY WILL NOT ACCEPT HIM IF HE IS NOT WILLING TO GO. I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU TO CALL THE COP'S ON HIM OR THE DRUG DEALER CUZ YOUR HUSBAND CAN FIND DRUGS IN JAIL AND THERE WILL ALWAYS BE DRUGS ON THE STREETS. BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS HIS DRUG IS HIS WIFE NOW HE HAS TO SUPPORT HER AND BE DEVOTED TO HER. THIS MAY BE THE HARDIEST THING TO DO BUT IF YOU LEAVE AND COME BACK YOU MIGHT COME BACK TO A EMPTY HOME. WHAT YOU CAN DO IS THIS EITHER TAKE HIM ON A TALK SHOW AND LET THEM HELP HIM OR SIGN HIM IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL IT WILL BE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS BUT IF YOU WANT TO SAVE HIM THIS IS SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TOBE DONE YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS IF YOU ARE HIS LEGAL WIFE. BECAUSE HE IS COMMTING SUICIDE BUT IT'S JUST SLOWLY.
71766
Get out.\nFriends or family you can go to?\nI know.\nYou don't know whether to laugh or cry.\nThanks for the response to my cheating \nwife question.\nThat is over and done -\nshe's someone else's problem.\nPsychological problems on your husband's part?\nCertainly sounds like it.\nGood luck!\nRemember - You've got friends you didn't know you had!
333128
I don't know why you put up with that kind of treatment my lady.  First thing, if you have not yet done it, is to give up your drug habit.  Next, get rid of him completely.  He is a bad influence and you will not be able to reestablish your life again until you rid yourself of bad influences.  There is nothing wrong with starting over\n\nI also would suggest that he, and maybe you, get some treatment or at least see a doctor about depression.  I am a depressive and I know that I have felt the same way about myself and asked my wife the same questions, and often depression is masked, or dealt with at least with alcohol and/or drugs.  In my case it was alcohol.\n\nDo these things, a rehab if necessary, but at least a circle of people who you can talk to and share your problems with and get the support you need to help you along the way.\n\nYou are not masochistic, you are probably depressed and just need to feel better about yourself and get your life back on track.  You have taken the first step by reaching out for advice, that proves you want help.  I wish you all the luck and perserverance in the world.  remember, you are not alone.\n\nPeace and love
896734
You are legally married to him.He can not legally be in another relationship with any other woman until the divorce is final.He can spend time in jail for that.
278352
I am currently in the same shoes as your husband.  It is tough when a man sincerely makes a change and tries to make good on promises especially if he hadn't in the past.  It seems that everything that is done in a positive manner is viewed as way of trying to influence the wife into coming back.  \n\nIf you can truly see that he is trying to change, but you are afraid of the pain then that is understandable.  Your feelings and "sanity" should be considered.  Here is the thing though, what are you doing to change???  Alot of times when someone is "done wrong", they feel that they didn't have a role in it.  Maybe you are the perfect wife, but I suspect that something that about you has played a part in your separation.  Not knowing your particulars, I would say work on making yourself a better person.  The change in you may make you understand the change in him.\n\nI sincerely hope that your husband has changed.  I hard when someone you love does not believe in you and the pain that is caused becomes unbearable at times.  But if he is fighting through all of that, maybe there is something about him that is redeemable.\n\nGood Luck and I'll pray for the two of you.\n\nWT
1183684
What you've suggested is really all you can do. You gave her good advice about communicating with her husband and going to counseling. Beyond that, it's really none of your business and not your responsibility.
1011899
He had a baby with another girl while he was still with you? Why are you fretting over this guy - you should be glad to be rid of this jerk! I still have to deal with my ex-husband because we have a 10 yr. old together, and we each have 50% custody. But I look at it this way - my ex (a big jerk) has re-married. Now his new wife is stuck with him (and I'm not!). I am re-married to a wonderful man - I definitely got the better deal here! And like someone said earlier - living well is the best revenge. Be glad that he is gone and that she is stuck with him - someone better will come along.
286869
I've been there.  My husband was in Iraq in 03-04.  It's a long road ahead of you, but it is possible to get through it.  I promise.  Things are going to change for you like you would never believe.  You'll learn so much about yourself and what you're capable of, as well as your husband.  I had a 3 year old daughter and gave birth to another daughter while he was away.  Do you have children?  If so, spend your time playing and laughing.  That's what got me through.  We put together boxes for him and painted a pillowcase with our handprints on it for him to sleep on.  \n\nYou will learn to change the way you live to accomodate your new lifestyle.  Don't be afraid to meet new friends.  I cried myself to sleep many, many nights....but it would have been many, many more if I hadn't had friends to keep my mind off of him.  You can't dwell on this constantly or it will control you.  \n\nWhen you two meet again, on his R&R and when he returns, things will be different.  Know this now and accept it.  You will be a different woman also.  You may have to begin again in so many ways, but it's worth it.  you two will have been through something that no one can take away from you.  Good luck.  I'm here if you need me no matter when it is...laurenehooper@yahoo.com
1048708
Your situation sounds very similar to my life story.  My wife and I got married very young, and I was not always very nice to her.  I drank a lot, and though I never physically abused her, I did emotionally.\n   She ended up becoming distant and looking for emotional relief in other men.  Never physical, but emotional hurts just as much.  I ended up meeting a woman, straying, and falling for her and it almost destroyed my life.\n   My wife and I go to counseling, which I suggest for you, and are working extremely hard to repair our marriage.  We are doing a good job, and things in many ways are better than ever, but there is still work for both of us to do.  In the end, ideally, we will have both grown stronger and love each other all the more because of all we have been though with each other.\n   This man is probably more of an infatuation than love because you are feeling things that you have missed.  Devote yourself to your husband, and him to you and remake better than before the love you had.\n   Get counseling, work it out.  Find you flame again.  If this does not work, than the only option left is to divorce, but this should be your last option, not your only option.\n\nGood luck.