how can i get my boyfriend of 14 yrs to agree to help with foster children?
111955
explain to him that these children are dont have real parents and they share a room with lots of other children
55517
I think you most definitely need to think about those kids.  So many people can give you so many different points of view but listen, when you bring babies into this world you need to watch out for them.  You boyfriend is extremely selfish due to whatever dysfunctional life he had growing up, that is very sad but now, he is a father and he should think about those babies and their mother.  I think you need to stay in Michigan, surrounded by your support system, and let him go. Specially if he gets irritated with your son. You also need to start taking care of you.  You are worth it, you need to think a little more on what is best for you so your kids can have a happy mommy. That is the greatest gift you can give those kids, by giving them a happy stable home
564276
This is a very real issue.  I admire that you are even willing to try to work this out as many men don't even want to attempt a relationship with a woman who has a child or children.  Reality is, that it will be very stressful and a lot of work.  If the woman isn't interested in changing, this could be a real problem with no happy resolution.  There is hope, but please be realistic.  The last thing the children need to deal with is another failed relationship as an example and the emotional scaring that comes along with it.\n\nI have learned, that you cannot change someone.  You can influence them, be a good example and learn together, but you cannot expect them to change.  It isn't your job to teach this lady how to be a mother as sad as it may sound.  Is this something you can deal with or is it something that you feel will in the end, destroy your relationship?  \n\nIt sounds to me like deep down, this is not something you are willing to accept and you shouldn't feel like you have to.  You will never be totally happy with this situation.  It will never be fair to your children either.  There is a small chance that your girlfriend will want to change, but there are complex issues going on.  Perhaps there is a little competition going on between the spoiled little boy's parents.  Perhaps his mother is trying to make him more happy than the father and vice versa.  This is unfortunately a common occurrance when each parent is striving to be the better friend and the favorite.  It is definitely unfortunate for the child.\n\nFortunately, there are lots of wonderful classes and support groups for parents in this situation.  One of my favorite that I highly recommend is called, "Parenting With Love and Logic."  It is a lot of fun and you can learn so much from it how to deal fairly with children.  You can get the book from most book stores and libraries and the classes are offered in many cities, sometimes at little or no cost.\n\nI also, highly recommend going to premarriage counseling.  It is very helpful and a safe place to open up and discuss things that are on your mind with your special someone.  Sometimes it is nice to have an environment that you can talk about these touchy subjects without either of you feeling like you are being attacked or accused of anything.  Many churches offer this service for free, otherwise there are counselors avaible to help.\n\nGood luck!  You sound like a very sincere and loving person.  I can also understand why she is "spoiling" her child since he is a miracle.  She may not realize that she should be "spoiling" him in ways that will help him long term and not just spoiling him with what he wants at that very minute.  If we take a step back and think of how our parents treated us and how it affected us, it may help give us a better perspective as parents.  I wish you and yours the best!
670046
Listen honey I have been in a bad relationship myself and know where you arecoming from you have to stand up for yourself and move on you say you can't leacve Why? they have got you to the point where you are wallowing in self pity just as they like you. What is happening here is domestic abuse and it has to end before you end first. For your childrens sake leave him if he don't like it tell him where to go ****himself or tell him if he loves you to stand up to his family for you though from the sound of it he is week as s**t no man should ever allow anyone including his family to run you down. I wish i could do more for you but sadly I can't if you need to chat though send me an email and I will keep chatting and offering no strings advice I am a voluntary member of the samaritans and will make timwe to chat if you need me.
275784
Hi\nParenting is commonly known as tough love...You have to let them make their own decisions but be there for them...\nIf you try to intervene your Son may resent you for it.\n\nAt this age their hormones are raging all over the place & it's not the best time to be making serious decisions about their love life.\nThe best advice I can offer is to show them you Love them by listening to their troubles & offer impartial advice if asked for it, \nOne of the hardest things to do is keeping your mouth shut when it's most tempting to open it....\nIf you try & intervene with this girl & your Son you will just drive him to her more.\nBe patient & keep the communication going.\nYour sons love you dearly...It's just not 'cool' to show it.\n\nHope it all turns out o.k
57978
OK, hon. First of all, you don't need to prove your love to him. No matter what anybody says. No matter who you date, they will never be good enough for mommy and daddy. (Unless they pick the person) Second, don't focus so much on love. Give it time. I don't know how old you are, and personally I don't consider it an issue. If you focus on love, you will be heartbroken if things don't work out. I'm not saying set your standards low. I am not saying don't love this person. What I am saying is spend time with him. Enjoy the relationship. Don't get married young. And for gods sake don't get married without first living with the person. People seem VERY different when you have to share space with them. Trust me about that one. Don't rush. True love doesn't need a wedding band. If you love someone, being with that person should be enough. Sex is nice, but even that isn't necessary. The company of your significant other is all that is necessary. If you two love each other than that is all that matters. Marriage and sex are over rated. (Sex is nice, but still over rated) If you love him then your parents will eventually come to the realization that he is sticking around. They will either come to accept it, or they will disown you. I know this. I have been married. I was only 19. I told my parents the day before. At first they accused me of being crazy. They made some pretty insulting comments, and I told them to go fuck themselves. They learned to accept my wife and even grew to like her. You are your own person. Heres a motto that my stepfather taught me. "If you don't fuck me, feed me, or pay my bills......Go fuck yourself!" Your family is an important part of your life, but you didn't choose them. You were born with them. You couldn't change who they were. Your boyfriend is somebody that you chose to bring into your life. Your parents should respect your decisions. And if they think you are a fool for being with him...... remind them of who taught you. What examples did you have to follow. They are the 2 biggest influences in your life. Whether you know it or not. Everything that you have witnessed from them as a child has molded you to be the person that you are today. Everything from not enough hugs to the overprotectiveness. They have made you who you are. If they are unhappy with that, then they should try to do a better job next time.
1003718
I know exactly what you're talking about.  My mother and I got custody of my nephew after my sister screwed up.  He was taken from her, we had a choice: foster home or with us.  I think its completely ridiculous to not put your child with family, that's her support system.  You can talk with the social worker.  Most social service departments (Department of Children and Families, Child Protective Services, Department of Children Society, etc.)  their goal is reunification with the natural birth mother.  We wanted to help my sister get him back until she started abusing drugs and alcohol again and married an abusive and violent piece of crap.  Now we are struggling to keep him far from that, and they are pushing for him to go back, even after her 3 DUI's and domestic violence charges in the last 3 years.  Every state is different, but hopefully someone at CPS can help you and you can start on the road to recovery and 'prove' yourself and follow the case plan.  Unless they terminate your parental rights, you always have the right to petition the court for replacement.  I wish you the best of luck!!!
99083
You have a heart don't you? you will know. Secondly do you two get on good together is he understanding etc. And finally is he good with kids. You don't need to worry that he won't love you because of the extra You just have much more to give.
40908
Don't try to convince him, show him that you are mature enough to have one and to be responsible.Don't say every one at school has one because then you can forget it.He will not care about the other kids, only you.If you work maybe you can say that you will help with part of the payment.
42533
I would talk to him and see if he is willing to go to counselling and try to work out this issue, try and see if the relationship can be salvaged , don't give too easily( unless he is abusing you, then get out of there, NOW) but if he's just a jerk then let him know how you feel and as i suggested  counselling and if this doesn't work then you really need to make a decision becuase you don't want to be unhappy and you don't want to teach your kids that it's ok be in this type of relationship, at least if you seek help to salvage the relationship and you honestly tried to make it work and it didn't , you can walk away from it and you can say to yourself that you honestly tried to make it work and you won't have any regrets.
77040
Tell him that you need to wait and both you and your boyfriend should consider finishing schools or any carrer goals so that you can provide for your child.  If he loves you he can wait until you are ready.
319899
I don't believe the child has the say so on who he wants to live with.  At the age of 14, the judge will take his opinion into consideration but will ultimately rule on what is in the childs best interest after hearing testimony of all who are involved with your case.
1129440
get a damn good lawyer and sue for alienation of affection. Simply put if a child is taken from a family and they have done the circus route and within the time specified then by every law I am aware of then Social Sevices has to "give back" the children.\n\nIt is the laws that state it is the job of "Social Services" to try and keep families together using whatever means necessary in order to have a reunited family unit.\n\nOk so its the government but they still must go by same laws it just makes your job a little harder and unfortunately they have the county sheriff and your neighbors or family who say one thing but with a good lawyer can be made to look totally in a different light in court.\n\nAlso, file a petition in the family court with jurisidiction over the matter for sole custody. It's free cuz "Social Services" has already filed the motion to remove. remember your under the gun for time so file soon. Also file subpeona's for as many "fine upstanding character witnesses" as you can. The more stable and even a cop or counselor or two really won't hurt. They are required by law to report any suspisions they have to the court anyways so their word carries more weight in court especially if ts a judge who has dealt with them before... make sure the judges like them though. Don't get the one who pissed them off the last case they were on... lol... j/k\n\nTell them to be careful. What state they live in? Also write to Congressman, State Reps, Senators, Mayors, Govenors... you would be amazed who will contact you! Trust me on this...
715366
If he signed an age of consent the teacher is correct.  You could talk to the ones in charge maybe they will tell you something since he does live with you but they really are not suppose to.  He should be willing to tell you since you do so much for him.  If he wants to be treated like an adult then he should act like one and talk to you about things. You do love him take care of him and pay for everything for him.  He needs to grow up and act like an adult.  Tell him if he wants to be an adult and take charge of his life he needs to be responsiable. Then present him will a bill for his car, insurance, clothes etc...   and see what he says.   Good luck!!!
893621
Keep the lines of communication open with the child. You helped with her care and if they are willing to keep those lines of communication open - go for it. Invite her out perhaps for dinner once a month and ask about school plays/functions. Don't overstep the bounds too much since the child has someone else as a legal guardian now, but you can still enjoy her life with her.\n\nMiss Cris\nhttp://lendinganear.wordpress.com
868241
at the risk of sounding judgemental, i'm really not sold on the idea of couples sticking together for the 'sake of the children'. we cannot give what we do not have, hence we cannot give our children happiness if we are very much unhappy with our partner. since you said you still love him, i want to assume that that is the reason you are staying in your relationship. therefore, you should use every effort to try to rebuild what you guys lost. but if you have too much pride to admit to him that you still care for him despite what he has done, you can always be friends or worst-case scenario, housemates with kids. good luck!
121789
Tell him that his kids need him. Statistics show that children with father figures in their life are far less likely to become criminals then those without. If all else fails find a better man