Will life get better after a divorce? How do people get through this? I am a single mom and my ex is a DBD.?
105631
YES! Getting a divorce was the best thing I ever did! My husband left me for another woman and it was the BEST decision HE ever made!  I finally found out who I was and it was the best few years I ever had (after I finally got over him leaving). My son was 3 and it was difficult for him, but he is 8 now and is a very happy little boy! I am now engaged with the love of my life and couldn't be happier!
598842
Go back to your therapist. Also look for a single-mom support group near you or online, (email me if u want!) Trust me girl I know from the bottom of my heart. My ex husband ASKED me for a divorce while i was in school. But I pulled through, we struggle every day but I thank God for my true friends that have held me up. If you are suicidal you definitely need to talk to someone. Biggest thing you can do is make it an absolute priority to take time for yourself. Put the baby to bed a half hour earlier and go take a bath, turn on a workout video, chick-flick, whatever, have a glass of wine, paint your toenails...anything you want as long as its just for YOU. Remember a happy mom makes a happy kid...NOT the other way around.
45093
Hey single 20 something divorced female here and it has been so tough being divorced and single in my 20s I am just PRAYING my 30s are phenomenal!!
1017931
I've been there. \n\nDon't abandon your children. If you really are the better parent, get custody and cut her out of your lives as much as you can. \nRetribution will never work. She is the mother of your children, any retribution against her is retribution against them. No matter how old a person is, thier mother is still part of them, and they are still a part of her.\n\nLosing the house sucks, but , Dude, it's a house. Just a place. the memories of it are in you. In your heart and mind. She can't touch that. \n\nBest advice I can give.... Don't expect to get over it. Divorce is like death only worse.  The person you gave your heart and life to is dead, and some other evil warped person has taken thier place. Like Night of the Living Dead or something. How can anyone ever get over that?  That pain will probably never go away. \n\nThe good bit is that eventually you will learn to cope with it.\n\nBelieve me, you are not alone in your pain. There are sooo many of us out there sufferring the same way you are. \nIt make me wonder sometimes how anything so simple sounding as "divorce" can wreck so many lives.
988583
Well, this is kinda hard, but there is hope. I had a similar problem. I didn't used to know how to deal with my anger. I hid it and covered it and blew up at stupid times, until finally I did something I really regret. My gf hit me so I hit her back, and I went to jail. She could have left me, I deserved it, but she stuck by me. She helped me turn my life around and now we are happily married with a beautiful baby boy, 4 months old. we've been together for 5 years, married for 3, and it's great. But it wouldn't have been if I didn't go to counseling and get the help I needed (that took some time to realize too, over a year of meetings once a week for a few hours in group therapy), and if she wasn't strong enough emotionally to deal with it. We've proved our love over time, and we've never been happier. So stick in there IF he's willing to fix how he handles his emotions (anger is a motion, just like happiness or sadness, etc). The number one ingredient that has made the long term difference in all our problems/challenges, is having God at the center of our life. Without him, we both have been too weak at times, and would have fallen apart. With him, our love will never fail!
665040
My abusive ex.  I won't go into details but the physical and mental damage done by this man is something I carry with me all the time.  Because of him I cannot have children and underwent 5 surgeries to fix the physical damage.  The paranoia I deal with on a daily basis because he has not been caught can be crippling at times, to the point I get afraid to go outside or go anywhere alone.  I cannot trust people like I used to nor do I let people close to me anymore, except a very select few.  It's left a feeling in me that seems to say people will suck you in by acting nice then they will turn on you like a rabid dog once you are sucked in and let your guard down.  I know, realistically, that isn't the case but it has left that feeling.  No, I'm not over this yet but I am working on it.  It just takes time to undo the damage done.  But it did take part of me and who I used to be away and I will never be able to get that back.
985852
My parents got divorced and it was the best thing they could have done for us. I also am divorced and have two children. Their father and I co-parent very successfully because we got out of it before we turned hateful. I knew that it was enough when he would come home and I felt like my day just got shot down the tubes. Life is too short to be with someone who is not right for you. Try to discuss it when he is sober. Try counseling for yourself as an individual first, then suggest it for family therapy. If that does not work, then at least you tried and you know that you are doing the right thing.  It is a difficult decision, but just try to think if this is the man who you want to be with for every day of the rest of yoiur life. There may be someone else better suited for each of you and you will not be able to pursue that until you straighten out things for yourself first. Good luck with this sweetie, I know it is hard, but you can do it !
806639
I suffer from major depression, ptsd and bpd last year and I have a 7 year old.  They wanted to hospitalize me, but I refused and agreed to a 5 day per week intensive outpatient therapy, and a cocktail of psych meds.  I am now back to work and functioning quite well. I assume you are single and that is why your daughter was taken away.  I have the luxury of being married.\n\nAnyway, my point is this...my little girl has seen me cry, sleep, lay around, ignore her, irritable, and at my worst.  I kind of wish I would have just been hospitalized and got it over with and not have her see me like that.  My husband and I were recently cleaning her room and found some of her writings and she wrote stuff like "mom is sick all the time" and "mom is sad".\n\nI really think that until you are better, your daughter is better off where she is.  She can be your motivation.  Whenever you think that life isn't worth living, just think of her.  That is what I did.\n\nYou are so young and you have your whole life ahead of you and so does your precious little girl.  You are sick.  Let the doctors treat you.  Get better, and get your daughter back!\n\nBest of luck to you!
641183
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
979678
Poor baby.  I do understand.  Been there.\n\nI have a couple of things to offer you.\n\nFirst, you might be depressed.  Check into the possibility of taking some medication for a while.  I had to take Zoloft for 3 months.  It did get me kind of over the hump so that I could stop crying and sleep and eat.  \n\nInvest in YOU... this is a time for you to look inward and grow.  Do something you have always wanted to do.. work out, learn to cook, a foreign language, ball room dance, something you have always wanted to doooo DO it!!!\n\nAnd, I sought help from a divorce support group.  I went to Divorce Care for a few months.  It was really helpful in learning about what I was going through and also they were soo sweet and supportive.  I also went to a few singles meetings.\n\nIt takes time... everyone is different.  It took me almost 3 years to fianally get to where I don't have that anger and saddness.... \n\nBut one thing is for sure, I am AM happier now than I ever thought possible, and I have found a man who loves me more than my ex ever ever did and it feels good.\n\nAnd, I am stronger than I ever felt possible.  In retrospect, it was a gift!  What I thought was the worst thing in the universe and it did nearly kill me, ultimately made my life so much better.  Hard to believe, but true.\n\nGood luck, dear
283848
I myself am now just getting my divorce finalized at the end of the month. The amount of time varies with how comfortable you feel about seeing another person. It takes some time to get adjusted to the "single life". I have to agree that you don't want to introduce your children to someone that isn't serious. It's bad enough you had your heart broken by someone but you don't want your kids to go thru that over and over. It doesn't make you look good as a parent and your kids will grow up seeing you differently. Bottom line is there is no set time limit. It's all on how and when you feel yourself when you are ready.
1019930
Well the only support group I know is Alanon its also for people who use drugs, booze, but it's also there to help with other problems you have with in your family. \nAs far as the child support issue.. How many kids did they have together?? If it's only one it's only 17% of the gross if it's more then one then the % goes up accordingly to the # of kids. And she can't keep taking him back to court once it's been in front of the judge. Unless he's gotten a large settlement, raise of more then 3% over and above of what he was making. Also get a hold of Legal Aid they can give you some advice on the matter or send you in the right direction. Well if she receives food stamps, public aid etc then she really has no right to ask for more money unless he gets a letter stating that he needs to increase the child support and only by the order of the court, judge etc can that be done. She's giving you a bunch of BS. I've been through this with my X-HUSBAND and I've been paying him Child Support so I know what you're feeling. Been there done it.  I hope this has helped?? If there is any thing else please feel free to contact me at    mr_djman2006@yahoo.com    I'm Dawne Good Luck. \nP.S. Check out this web site I think it also might help you out. Later
528094
In my case, things got BETTER between my ex and I AFTER I took him to court for support.  \n\nIt was especially difficult because he is an attorney and tried to make it hard for me.  But, I went after everything I could because I figured that even the LAW would grant me more than he was leaving me and the children with - which was nothing!\n\nSo, I sued him and fought him.  I won enough to make a difference, and it was totally worth it.  I too have a child going to college in a few years, and I have younger ones too. \n\nFor the sake of your children, and for the sake of your own sanity, SUE him if you must.  \n\nMy ex has reluctantly accepted the situation, but I had to have his wages garnished before he finally came around, and now we're actually better friends than when we were married.\n\nIt's hard, I know.  But, it's worth it.  You can't afford NOT to go after him.  Your children are HIS children too.  \n\nGood luck!
51798
I agree with Dragon on this one.  Yes you are heartbroken and yes it wil take some time.  They say divorce is like death.  The processes of grieving are very similar.  The only difference is that the one that you love is still alive and kicking.  Take this time to examin what you want out of life.  Appreciate this time alone and do things that you could not do when you were married.  Enjoy the lack of nagging and complaining.  And enjoy that you can act as you did before you got married.  Time heals all wounds and with this time, you have the ultimate chance to reexamine your goals and proiriities in life.  Take it one step at a time and you will be fine.  I know the pain that you are going through and I know that it hurts.  But trust me, your heart well eventually stop bledding and once that happens, chances are you will see that one true person that you are meant to spend your life with.
195726
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
790734
The very first thing you must realize is that you will not die because of divorce. It has happened to millions of people before you and it will happen to millions of people after you.\n\nAlthough divorce cause severe emotional pain, you must believe that you will get over it. Of course, it takes time, but you will eventually recover and find love again. It is very important that you understand this.\n\nIt is crucial to understand that the marriage is over. It is vital that you immediately let go of the other person and begin setting your own life in order.\n\nYou must not think about pain or dwell upon what was yesterday. The more you think about the past the worse it will hurt, and the longer it will take for you to recover. \n\nYou must think about yourself. You cannot allow yourself to just sit and waste away. You need to take hold of yourself and go on living. \n\nIn order to counter bad feelings, you must keep yourself busy - clean your house, wash your car, write out a budget, study or go to work. Keep yourself moving and working on the kinds of things that make you happy.\n\nIt is extremely important that you express the feelings of anger you are carrying or they will eat you alive. The best way to deal with anger is to know exactly what you are angry about and then choose the most suitable way to express your anger to the person that has made you angry. \n\nAnother important thing in recovering from a divorce is to eliminate the feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly as they come into sight. Simply tell yourself that your marriage did not work out. You must forget about your ex as quickly as you possibly can! \n\nOf course all of this is much easier said than done, but these things you must do, and you must do them right away. \n\nTo recover from the trauma of divorce, you must allow enough time for the healing process to be completed and be positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you.
193562
I think everyone does at different times. Right now I am doing really well with my guy. It's been a yr and a half, so I am pretty happy. If you have your problems, they can only get better.