My husband is having an affair. Should I wait for him or divorce him ? It's been about 4 mos. now?
115872
sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  you need to tell him look here is how it is going to be...don't let him call the shots.  this  is your life he is messing with and your childrens lives too.  if he wants to be with the other woman then make sure he knows what he is giving up.  if he still wants to leave then kick his butt to the curb and find you a real man who knows how to treat you and your children.  don't wait around for him to make up his mind, make it up for him.
996314
It certainly doesn't sound like she's better off staying with him, and it is not in the children's best interest for her to stay.  Having an affair only distracts from the real issue at hand and solves nothing.  If she is no longer in love with this man, she should leave him.  If she still loves him, she should get counselling.  Having an affair is a temporary fix to her emotional roller coaster.  She may feel that an affair will not only boost her ego, but it would be one thing in her life she can control.  I'm not judging her, but I do feel that she will regret this decision and it would be like throwing gasoline on a fire.
344145
Hmmm...I can not advocate that cheating on your husband no matter what the circustances are is right because if you are unhappy you at least owe it to him to voice your emotions and to move on. Just because you don't have a good relationship does not mean that his feelings should be neglected just to satisfy your own. Since you two have been together for quite some time don't you think that you owe him that much to be honest? You say that he treats you badly and that you are unhappy but I'm sorry that doesn't justify your cheating in anyway especially considering that you have no children involved that might cause you to be stuck in staying. As for the guy that you are seeing now, maybe you are in love and perhaps a future with him will be great but you are more or less in that fairytale stage of a relationship where they can do no wrong and this will fade. If this is something that you honestly feel is worth pursuing in order to make yourself happy then go for it by all means. Just remember that your happiness does not need to be based on a man and that you can find it yourself no matter what the outcome. I think that the betrayal and hurt is going to be worst for your husband who has no idea of what is about to surface and that for you it might be hard but that you'll make it since you have realized that this marriage is no longer what you want. I'm in no way trying to put you down or belittle you for your actions because it happens to the best of us since we are all only human but I would definitely consider your situation a little further and make sure that this guy just doesn't look like a better option because you dont really have the repsonsbilities and obligations that you share with your husband. There are no stings attached at this point with this new guy so it makes it all light-hearted and fun and if you do both embark on a relationship (especially a long distance one) there will be difficulties that will eventually come along. I would suggest taking some time out for yourself once you get a divorce and not rush into anything too quickly. I think that you need to hash out somethings with yourself instead of seeking comfort from a man that is merely supplying what is lacking in ur current relationship. Obviously if you decided to get married to your spouse, these feelings at one point or another were there with him and look at what has become of that. I think you need to just really spend some time with yourself and getting to reaquainted with your independent single self before finding an identity in someone else. I'm sure you are a good person and I hope that whatever choice you make that you will find the happiness that you seek. Just remember the feeling of everyone else involved and don't let your heart do all of the thinking for you during a time when you need to use your head. Best of luck to you:)
162999
Before me and my husband where married, he lwas doing the same and, i left. I told him he would be calling me and wanting me back in 6 months. Need less to say , 6 months later i find out she was cheating on him and he wanted me  back. now were married. Show him what he will be missing. Trust me he will miss you.  Then tell him to go be with her and see.
37132
That all depends on you. Do you love him enough to wait for him to grow up? Unfortunately, some men never grow up--especially if they were not even there when their own child was born (unless there was a good excuse). I can't say for sure about your husband. Only you deep down know if he is worth waiting for. On one hand, you did take vows and you do have a son together. On the other hand, he cheated on you (gut feelings are almost always right), and he doesn't even see his own child. You technically shouldn't be seeing others while you are still married but if this person gives you the support you need then I don't see why you shouldn't. Do what you think...and I mean REALLY think would be the best for you and your son. Good Luck.
376044
I hope that you are very careful with what you are doing with this guy.  Remember that you are married and you may lack a certain thing in your marriage which will be better work out with your husband.  I understand that it is kind of nice to have someone interested in your despite you are married but why are you dragging him on?  Will you be happy to divorce your husband because this guy sweet talk to you?  Are you sure that you will have a better future with this man than your current husband.  I suggest that you spend more time with your husband and rediscover him then talking to this guy, unless you have no hope in your marriage!  Good Luck!
942089
He's using his kids as an excuse to stay in the marriage with his wife.\nIf he's been married for 3 years, despite the fact that he's not living with her, and the marriage is THAT bad, he would have gotten a divorce by now if he really feels strongly enough for you.\nI'd say, leave the guy.  He clearly doesn't know what he wants right now and if you try and get involved, you'll only get hurt.
319076
why did you get married to her if you are getting a divorce four months later? that is just silly! i don't understand what the problem is or was. can you explain more? you should love your wife no matter what. and at least you have had sex more than i have and i have been married six months.we are still very happy and plan to keep it that way. you don't have to have sex to be happy. that is not all marriage is about.
232063
I agree...you have been brave...however...most men do not do well with ultimatums so you might lose him.  HOWEVER if it's really meant to be, he will come back after a while, once he realizes how much life sucks without you.  If he doesnt, sit back and be happy that you're not wasting anymore time on someone who's not willing to be with you the way you need and want.  \nI live by this:  \n\nIf you love something, set it free\nIf it comes back to you...it's yours\nIf not, it never was.\n\nI am currently in a very very similar situation...so I truly do understand what you feel like.  e-mail me if you wanna chat melissakct@yahoo.com\n\nAs for some of the mean rude answers you recieved...ignore them.  Men do not only cheat for no-strings attached sex, perhaps he simply made a mistake when he got married and now realizes it.  It's only natural for him to see what else is out there before getting a divorce as divorce is a painful expensive process.  Perhaps assisting him in his affair is not the most moral thing we could do...but I don't think you did anything wrong.  And just b/c he cheated on her...does not mean he will cheat on you.  It all depends on his state of mind when entering the affair.  If he truly stopped loving his wife (very very possible) and already emotionally left the marriage...chances are he will not cheat again.  Only you know the answer to that. \n\nHope to hear from you.
258998
Hey man I know where you are coming from. My wife just told me that cheated on me with another man about 2 months ago. I went nutts, but not too bad. Luckily she told me at our preachers house. After she told me I did not know what to do. Because in the bible it states that that is the only reason for divorce. I sat down and talked with her and the preacher. We agreed that we would stay together. I wanted to leave her but then I didn't. I love her so much, and not only because we have kids. I am still having a hard time getting over it. Like I said it has already been 2 months since she told me and I still can not sleep nor trust her. There are still times when I want to leave but I can't because I love her too much. Also you don't want to go out and do the same thing she did. It won't do any good, except have a burden on your shoulders. Just hang in there man. Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. God Bless!
136846
If you're not happy with your marriage then end it.  Don't start a realtionship while you're still married get a divorce then go off and do whatever.  Trust me it'll hurt less for your husband if he cares for you even a little bit.
563751
EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT.  It took me FIVE count them 5 years to get my divorce. If you know for a fact that the marriage is over (by meeting the ex or a child if they have one) AND you know the one you are seeing is living apart from their spouse then it is fine.  INVESTIGATE the person and make sure that they are telling you the truth.
931171
Its a couple ways to look at this situation - 1st - is your husband seeing or sleeping with someone else?  b/c if he's not, then u fucking or seeing someone else is gonna cause him to do one of 3 things:  he's gonna do it b/c u are or he's gonna come running back b/c he doesn't want to lose u or he's gonna kick every ass in sight b/c he' hurt and pissed and possibly feels disrespected.  - 2nd - Are u doing this b/c u just need some release or do u feel u can potentially make a new life with this person u want to date.  \n  There is no time limit on how long u should wait when you are separated but be aware that there could be some consequences, I'd say if you are sure that your marriage is over then go for it, even if its not,  the bottomline is he's not there with you, seeing to your needs but neither are you for him. \n     This is tricky, b/c you dating could be a good thing for your marriage or it could mean the end.  I think you, still love and respect your husband and marriage b/c if you didn't this wouldn't be a hard decision for you.  He's not there so he shouldn't get upset with you for dating but that doesn't mean that he won't.
917898
If your really that in love you could try and wait for a little while. I would not spend a great deal of time waiting though. Is his relationship about to end? is there no end in sight? these are all things that need to be answered.>
868268
Of course your fiancee will be hurt, who wouldn't?  Don't stay with someone and marry them if you're not absolutely certain.  You're just putting your happiness on the backburner for someone else - and you don't need that either.  It's never too late to call anything off - even if you're walking down the aisle already.  You haven't said "I DO" yet.  Unless you want to end up another divorce statistic, I'd say call it off.  Marriage can be very rewarding and wonderful if you find the right person and I think that's what you should do (find Mr. Right, not settle for Mr. Right Now)
559154
As long as you don't see any big red flags popping up everywhere......go for it. I married my wife after 4 months. We have been married over 12 years, have 3 wonderful children and still get jiggy wit it!
883546
sounds like self sabotage to me. Have you asked yourself, why you do not want to be alone? \n\nSounds like you and your husband need to make changes together. It isn't right that you arbitrarily made a decision for him, by stepping out on him. Would you like it done to you? \n\nAnother thing, have you asked yourself why you chose a married man? You know that he isn't going to leave his wife, or should. He has no business being with you, as you have no business being with him. It isn't fair to you or the other people... such as your husband, and his wife. If the roles were reversed and you didn't know... how would you feel  once you found out... and now say you and the husband who is going to leave his wife, get together, live together, get married. Can you be certain since his history ( with you) has shown that he isn't imune to cheating since you were the other woman. Whos to say he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? \nYou need to stop setting yourself up for train wrecks waiting to happen and fix the situation you are already in. Break it off with the married man, and leave him alone. Talk to your husband if you want to make this work, open up the lines of communication and seek marriage councilling! Don't be mean and blurt out that you are having an affair because he is ignoring you and is not the sexual life of the party in the bedroom. This isn't all his fault and you need to realize that you both have needs that are not getting met, it takes two to make a marriage work and putting blame on him is not going to heal you. You need to figure out what your needs and wants are, and talking to someone to try to discover the part of you that is lost will help you in this relationship or any HEALTHY relationship you get into in the future!