My brother in the military.. How can i get over him?
109862
He is your brother you are not supposed to get over him just redirect your thoughts into the positive instead of the negative...think about what you can do to make his time there better and do it....just be a good sis
635374
It is wonderful that you understand that he has been through so much as a military man, and at the same time, you see a very big difference in him, or is it? The anger may come from the issues that he dealt with in Iraq, but the way he treats you does not. If he has started to hit you, even once, and he got away with it, he will do it again.\nYou are putting yourself in a bad situation if you stay with him. He will eventually turn to more and more violence. Get out of there before you are hurt badly.\nYour parents and family aren't just over dramatic, they are trying to show you that they care about you, and want what is in your best interest. Listen to your instincts, not your heart. Your heart is misleading you into thinking that it was only once that he hit you. The next time your heart will tell you something else, and each time you will try to justify his behavior by convincing yourself that you did something wrong to make him do this. It isn't you, it is him. He needs to seek some counseling in regaurds to the experiences that he faced over there, and he needs to recognize that he has been exposed to some traumatic things in life that he can't deal with on his own. But you need to get away from him.\nI was also in the military and have seen first hand how things like this effect relationships. Believe me when I tell you he has lost himself, and needs professional help in finding himself again.
575588
i know it hurts, but just forget about him. have a good cry and move on. when u leave the country with your family, im sure you will find someone better and be happy again. dont bother trying to contact him. just let it be, it wasnt meant to be.
898103
Have a party for him.  Not just any  party, but a very special one and invite all of his friends and family.  Hold that boy in your arms and tell him how much you love him, and after he goes, write to him every single day without fail.  Letters are so important to our soldiers.  When he is in basic training and he calls home for the first time (he'll be calling collect) Tell him and tell him again how much you love him and miss him and give him all the news from home because he will be starving to hear about it.  My heart is with you, as a mother that has experienced this.
98996
try to forget him , I know it is hard , but you will make it :-)
175807
Oh, I really feel for you. It's very hard to face this sort of situation.  If you know where he lives, send him a letter telling him exactly what you have told us; that you love him and miss him dreadfully, that you miss his friendship and him being in your life.  You don't say how old you both are, but if he was quite young when this happened it may be that he is regretting his hot-headedness (you might find that out when you establish contact with him, but not initially), and he may later welcome the chance to get back in touch with the family through you.\n\nBut if you want to contact him, you need to make it plain that if he doesn't want contact with his parents, that's regrettable but perhaps understandable, but it isn't his relationship - or lack of it - with them that bothers you, it's the relationship between the pair of you that you want to heal.  However, you will also need to be very careful about your own relationship with your parents.  It could hurt them dreadfully if they find out that you have been in contact with your brother, and hurt people tend to lash out.  It may be that your brother felt very hurt if you seemed to take their 'side' rather than his in whatever happened when all you were trying to do was mediate, or just got caught in the crossfire, and he lashed out at you.\n\nJust spend some time putting your thoughts down on paper, don't condemn him in any way at all, and tell him you will always love and miss him.  I hope it all works out well for you.
939537
i have found the best way to get over someone is to think about them as though they have died.  that way you can keep the memories you have about the good times you had with him but accept there will be no more.  stay busy and go different places and do different things than you did when you were with him.   try very hard not to see him or hear about him.  it's a cliche but time does really heal and every day gets a little easier.  don't stay home and be sad now even though no guys measure up right now.  the next one who will measure up is out there and you won't meet him while you're at home feeling sad.  and once you meet him you'll wonder what you ever saw in the guy who made you sad.  good luck!!
458328
Learn how addictions affect all family members.  Programs such as Al-Anon are very effective for acquiring knowledge regarding things you can do to help yourself.  Your brother has to want to help himself or treatment will not work for him.  Your brother needs understanding and support to overcome issues of addiction. And depending on the type of drug on which he is dependent, sometimes the addict will benefit from medication management -- not boot camp!\nBest wishes to you and your family!
317977
don't worry about stuff like that until you know for sure, my husband is infantry and he has lost 8 guys with about 12 seriously wounded, if i was scared all day long, i would be crazy by the time he came home, plus, i have been there, not infantry but transportation, and i can picture his day to day life right now, so it is hard, but hang on, he will be home soon.  Also, I deal with it this way, if my husband does not make it home,  i know he was doing something he thought was right and wanted to be there and i would honor him for that.   go to the department of defense website, they list causalties. the address is dod.gov/releases/
456994
support him in his journey through military \nit's gona be hard, but if you really love him, support him. but if you feel like you dont love him, dont let him think you love him and then dump him while away. thats the worst thing.
421157
You can't say anything to him. He may have survivors guilt or PTSD, either way all you can do is let him know you are there for him. \n\nI have a "friend" who was in the service and has PTSD. I will never fully or even partially comprehend what exactly he went through But I let him know I am here for him. I also did some research on PTSD, so I would have an understand of what it is and how it affects someone. \n\nThe one thing you might try, is talking to your husband about joining a Veterans organization....Such as the Veterans of Foreign Wars in your area. Being around people that have been through what my Friend has been through seemed to help him. \n\nI hope this helps.
74774
Amen! to what ab72756 said.\n\nIf you care, put God aside for a moment, and talk to your brother. See what is in his mind. Support him. Be by his side.
531554
I understand how you feel. My spouse is in the service and it kills me when he has to deploy. Unforunately, you can't stop him from going but you can do alot to help the time pass. \n\nSurround yourself with friends and family, pick up a hobby, concentrate on raising and playing with your baby, go to the gym or go swimming, start an online journal....the list goes on.\n\nTry to keep your head up. Letting your Husband know that you are upset will make him upset and we both know that'll just add more stress to his situation. It'll be hard but try to stay positive.\n\nIt is definitely tough....but remember....there is nothing like a great homecoming.\n\nI hope I helped. :-)\n\nGod bless.
665958
i know its very difficult bcoz i'm going thru a similar situation... but believe me, if u dont let go then its only u who'll suffer.. at this point of time my life is just like hell... but i knw one thing only u can do this, no other person can help u... so the best thing would b to stop thinking bout him n put yr mind in other things... make yrself so busy that u dont get the time to think bout him... n stop doing things that would remind u of him... if u dont make yrself strong, u'll not b able to get on with with yr life... so u gotta accept the situation n move on...
1074091
Live a life that is worthy of him being your friend!\n\nNo easy way to get over a loss, but I am sure he would be glad to know he is missed!\n\nHE would not want you to be crippled by this though, so by living a life of honor, people will reflect that to the friends he had. People associate you to the people you are friends with so be a great person and honor his memory!
872991
My best advice is to keep talking to your husband.  Focus on your feelings, but try not to be too harsh with him - too judgmental or controlling.  It doesn't work in the long run.  And while he's gone, it's going to be difficult to rebuild trust - counseling is necessary - there are a lot of steps to go through which probably can't be done while he's deployed.    \n\nBut, in the meantime, it's important that you feel understood.  If you have to, tell your husband that talking about it is part of the healing process, and that you'll probably bring the issue up more often than he likes.  And if he wants to help, the best thing he can do right now is listen and acknowledge your feelings.  \nAnd it doesn't hurt to read as much as you can about recovering from infidelity.  A good starting place is http://cheatingandinfidelity.com/\n\nHope this helps.
609099
ask him but make sure your ready for the answer.  Let him know that if he is, you are still his brother.  Just be there for him if he is.  good luck