how can you tell if your spouse is having an affair or has had one?
108235
By watching Cheaters and seeing if s/he shows up on TV!\n\nNo seriously, be concerned if your spouse suddenly loses interest in doing things you used to enjoy together and if s/he can't reliably account for his/her spare time.\n\nAlso, if you try to be intimate with him/her and s/he declines much more frequently than before, be suspicious.  But if s/he takes you up on it, you might want to use protection!
427729
If the spouse has done something to make you suspicious, it is okay to snoop. How else are you going to find out if something is going on or not? You certainly won't get a straight answer out of them and if they are trying to hide something, they will try to cover their tracks better because they'll think you're on to them. So when you feel suspicious, you should snoop right away - don't give them the chance to hide any evidence. You will either confirm your suspicions or realize that you were overreacting.
110481
what is your question? Is the counseler trying to have an affair with you?
194822
Tell her husband that your having an affair with her.
1100451
Seek counseling immediately.  AACC can help you find a Christian counselor.  I don't understand from your question whether you have cheated or been cheated on by your spouse.\n\nThis is tough to answer, and much depends on the nature of the relationship you have and other factors.  I think your spouse should know.  You may need to get into counseling first in order to have a support system in place when the fireworks go off.  You may need to tell him/her first, because if your spouse finds out you've already been to counseling, he/she may feel betrayed further.  Hard to say.  Pray for forgiveness, that God will strengthen and encourage your spouse, and for wisdom in knowing how to proceed.\n\nIf you are the offending party, you're going to have to face up to it.  That means answering the questions and giving your spouse space to feel his/her feelings.  You have known about this, and he/she has not.  It will take time and it's perfectly normal for feelings to fluctuate.\n\nDo not demand forgiveness or expect it too soon.  You'll need to show that you are trustworthy (fruits worthy of repentance).  Remember that forgiveness is a process and not a magic spell that takes the pain away.  This may be an arduous process, but it can be worth it.\n\nThere are some really good books and resources, but I highly recommend counseling.  You need someone who can sit down with you and help you process everything.  You may need to go separately before it's okay to try to work through things together.\n\nAACC to find a counselor: http://aacc.net/resources/find-a-counselor/\n\nBooks:\n\nHidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, by Gary Smalley:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310402913/qid=1151721150/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155\n\nTorn Asunder: Helping Couples Recover From Infidelity, by Dave Carder:   http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802471412/qid=1151721623/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155  -  this is the workbook, but it will give you an idea what the book is like.   Hopefully you can find the book on eBay or another online bookstore.\n\nBoundaries in Marriage, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310243149/qid=1151721831/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155\n\nThis is a difficult task to undertake.  Do all you can to strengthen yourself and your spouse.  Get as much help as you can and is appropriate.\n\nMay God bless your efforts to restore your marriage to what He wants it to be.
263393
-He lies about where he's been\n-Leaving the room when he's on the phone\n-Strange people calling \nwhen you know the person is cheating and you have some proof that the person has lied, confront them by saying that someone you know saw them with another person at whatever loctaion you are aware of it happening, when they deny it pick up the phone call the time and temp number and pretend to have a conversation with somone about what they saw. It works with almost any lie as long as the person is the type to get defensive and angry  they will want to know who told you.
1165879
You are so sure about ur husband with an affair.\nHe has answers for everything.You feel he anticipates the same questions over and over.\nNow be upright and and ask him,whether it is the child that has sustained ur marriage,or does love exist between u two.\nIf he is with an affair,he better choose one.\nAre u ready for a breakup if he happens to be cheating u?\nAre u employed?\nWould u be able to take of ur child when faced this ugly situation?\nYou admit that ur relationship is better than it was earlier.If ur husband is amidst an affair,why shlould he be trying to improve the relationship with u?\nThink over.I guess it is ur suspicion and insecurity.Do not bombard him with questions about the woman all the time.It is losing its  seriousness cos of continuous questioning.
479055
Oh you are toooooo kind!\n\nI would not stop at just telling their spouse....*smile*. \n\nget a photograph of the fornicators together and mass produce it...slip it into the bulletin at church...not as much fun embarrassing a man as it would be for a woman i wouldn't think..but yeah..i would be irrational!\n\nyes..i would definitely tell the other spouse...she is at risk for a disease from a cheating spouse. and so are you...who says that this is the first affair either of them have had?\n\nget yourself checked for std's.
194326
The usual signs: avoiding you, acting suspicious, being secretive, lieing.  Ask your mte about it.  He will probably want to come claen with you.  My husband always does.  He is relieved after i find out.
1002269
there are many motives behind an affair,the old line it just happened is a crock of bull,it is given much thought and for men i think it's a challenge for women it is a emotional thing the sense of being needed, attractive to another man.men also need to see if they still have it some do, some don't,  some never did,regardless of the reason it is wrong.if your sex life stinks make it better try different things,being a women i can't completly answer why guys cheat but i feel it's an ego thing or maybe their spouse is truely a louse in which case she has no reason to complain we women know men like / need  sex and if we are completly against making love then let him go no man or women should be forced to live without it unless it is for a medical reason,in that case then you should find other ways to satisfy each other.
761031
To make a long story short. I have been married for 18 years when I found out(not by accident I was snooping) my husband had been cheating on me for 3 years that I no of. Only he and his whore no for sure.In my heart I knew something was wrong I just couldn't prove it until I started looking.When a husband cheats, his wife feels something is wrong she just doesn't want to believe her husband would or could do that to her.Husbands count on that trust they no their wives would never believe that they are capable of sleeping with another woman especially when she gives him everything he wants and needs.That is where we go wrong we don't and couldn't give a man what he really wants and that is someone different to have sex with.In a woman's eyes that makes him a horrible person but to him and his way of thinking it makes him human. their is only two things you can do. You can look the other way and pray it will end soon or leave him.One thing I wouldn't do is talk to him about the calls because all you will get is lies.I wish you all the luck in the world.
97447
I don't think people look for it as much as they just find it.  With both people working in a marriage, you spend more time with co-workers than you do with your spouse.  When that happens, work relationships can turn into sexual relationships.   One day at work I turned to a co-worker of mine and I said to him, "Do you realized that you and I are the only two employees here that haven't been in an affair?"  I worked with about twenty people and the next month he was in an affair also.
205640
You'll either have an affair or you won't.  If you do have the affair, I can promise you that no good will come of it but this may be a lesson that you need to learn on your own.  Your private life will be based on lies that you'll be required to tell and keep up with in order to maintain the affair.  And if he's cheating on his wife with you, you're probably not the first and probably not even the only mistress.  This man is not monogamous.
99338
I'd recommend getting a therapist or religious clergy person involved in this process.  You both need someone neutral to help work through trust issues.  However, the counseling will only help if you and your wife are BOTH interested in mending your relationship.  It will be a long road, but you can get through this with time and support.  It will be more important than ever to be honest with each other and make time for your relationship.\n\nWhile some say "once a cheater always a cheater" that is often true.  In my experience that's been the case most often.  However, it's not an absolute!  I've also experienced the other side.  People can change and people make mistakes.  Relationships need to grow and perhaps it was just in the growing stage during the affair.  If you are both committed to make it work you can get back to what you had.
247951
You can never know for certain unless you walked in on him..  But if you have a feeling that he is and you aren't usually paranoid or prone to jealousy, then something is wrong with the relationship.  Whether or not he is cheating.
724509
Sure, there are signs, but only if you're willing to see them.  Shall I make a list?\n\n1) Loses interest in sex.\n2) Doesn't want to be home as much.\n3) Unexplained time away from home, or excuses that don't hold water.\n4) Hang up calls to your home.\n5) Odd numbers on your partner's cell.\n6) Your partner starts taking greater interest in his or her appearance.\n7) All of a sudden has the urge to try new sexual things.\n8) Takes up new interests or hobbies.\n9) Unexplained use of his or her money.\n10) Doesn't want you to go to what should be public affairs.\n11) Doesn't give you as much attention.\n12) Gives gifts or is sweeter than normal for feelings of guilt.\n13) Starts acting mean to you, saying that you nag too much, are lazy, or some other excuse that would justify an affair.\n14) Comes home and goes directly to the shower.\n15) Isn't hungry when he or she gets home, indicating that lunch or dinner came from elsewhere.\n\nThere are tons of signs, but these are the most common.  If there are more than four of them, on a regular basis, I would hire a PI.
458633
Just ask how that person would feel if it was done to them.  Cheating is cheating no matter how you look at it.