if an addict promises to give up the addiction,but makes no effort to do so,is it ok for the partener to leave
98894
Definitely.  Someone who is addicted is full of empty promises, over and over again.  Unless his will power is strong, he won't seek help until he falls just as low as he can, then and only then, can you help him and you can only do that if he willing.  Take it from one who knows, their intentions are good but they just can't help themselves.  They are sick.  It's kind of like banging your head against a brick wall;  all the talking and threats doesn't help him or you.
446194
The first thing an alcoholic must do to begin his/her recovery is to admit that he/she has a problem. So long as they are in denial no one can help them, no matter how much they love them. If your partner is accusing you of being hypocritical then he is surely in denial about his habit. It is very unlikely that your situation will get better until he realizes that his habit is costing him more than money. Leave him and be sure to tell him your real reasons as to why you are leaving him.
904059
This is quite typical.  Coke "givers" don't EVER have really true friends who use with them... despite quite emphatic claims to the contrary made by most of those "friends" he's supplying.   So I give you credit for admitting at least that to yourself.  But more hard honesty is needed I'm afraid.   Just because you manage to go a few weeks without using it, doesn't mean you're not addicted yourself.  If you find yourself thinking about it, and desiring it, and doing something you otherwise wouldn't in order to get it (i.e., going out with him) then you've got your own level of addiction brewing, and the sooner you admit that, the better off you'll be.  We're talking coke here, so... do I really need to point out that you're ultimately just trading sex for drugs?  Newsflash!  He doesn't love you either!  Coke is absolutely and unbelievably addictive, so don't be too quick to make him out to be the bad-guy.  He's the coke "giver" -- knowing he can't "catch" you without it -- that probably being the closest concept he has to actual "love".   But you are the USER -- and fully responsible for completing this little equation.   Getting out of an addictive relationship can be torture for ANYONE.  Adding cocaine to the picture, and thinking you can do it yourself is just plain naiive.  Use your wisdom, get some help, and completely CUT OUT OF YOUR LIFE ANYONE WHO USES COCAINE.  That's why cocaine is such a problem... because it's such a social "thing".   Ask any truly recovered addict, (if you can find one) and they'll tell you... All those people they thought were their friends??  They were nothing but users.
28067
I would probably leave him or ask him to leave.  Tell him when he gets his sobriety and stays on a regular program, you will consider taking him back.  It's not good for the kids and it's not good for you to live with the results of another persons addiction.  You can't fix him, that's his choice and until he makes it you need to look out for those babies, and for yourself.  Good Luce
907599
there was only one way for me.\ni had to completely remove myself from any situation or people who took drugs. i am very aware of the temptation and my lack of willpower to ''just say no'', so there was only one way out, and that was to literally leave ppl who i really loved as friends and all the good times behind. After about half a year my cravings were subsiding and i was thinking more clearly. i realised being a drug addict was no longer something i found cool or fun or normal in any way. I have just grown up and moved on. i dont regret my taking in the past but i am also convinved i dont want drugs to be a part of my present or future. \nI didnt go to rehab or therapy to help me quit,but if you feel you are unable to completely remove yourself from situations where there are drugs AND IT IS SO FUCKING HARD, I DONT DENY THIS then you should def get some help.\ni have been clean 10 months now and it truly does get easier with time. the beginning was hell,the middle made life seem like a vaccum of boredom and now i feel great!\nso please consider what iv written, i hope this doesnt sound preachy at all because that is not my intention. i just really want to help others who are going thru wat i did...\ngood luck!
179606
I would say yes so long as she has responsibilities.  Here's one way to try to get at this:\n\n1.  Sit her down.  Tell her you love her, you're proud of her for being clean, etc.\n2.  Describe your fears.  Don't attack her, though.  Say something like, "I would be happy to have you live here, but I'm worried that you'll return to drugs, that this house will become a crutch for you, etc."\n3.  Then, ask her how you can work together to make sure these fears don't become reality.  Can she pay you rent?  Can she have random drug testing?  What is she willing to do for the privilige of living with you?  Don't pressure her.  Let her describe what she's willing to do.\n4.  Then, write an informal contract.  If she breaks any of the promises she's made, she will have 14 days (or whatever) to move out.\n5.  Be firm but kind.  Tell her that if she has to leave because she breaks the contract that you'll be heartbroken, but that she has to understand that you are now both bound to this contract.\n\nIf this sounds useful, you may want to do this with the help of your/her therapist.\n\nGood luck!
313472
i found out that he is an addict, and i stayed continually looking for a the bigger picture, when he was gonna stop and we could be a happy family. But it's an open, ongoing lie. Truth is he's not ready to stop and i've wasted all this time with him. i love him but I am suffering the consequences now for HIS addiction.
18583
Your father is going to have to want to quit. When dealing with addicts nothing you do or say will convice an addict to stop unless the addict believes that their addiction is a major problem and cares enough about their life to want to change. Usually they have to believe and be fearful of the fact that they are going to die soon if they don't stop using. That is what it takes. Its called hitting rock bottom and it is never pretty. All you can do is express the fact that you want him to be in your life as long as possible and you will not do anything that will enable him to continue his addiction. That means not buying him cigarettes, etc. But it almost never works. They have to want it.
859328
Your boyfriend has an addiction; one that is just as strong as an addiction to drugs, smoking, or alcohol. He will have to recognize that what is going on is an addiction and you will have to help him through it. If your boyfriend decides he wants to quit his addiction, there will mostly likely be relapses; you should be prepared for such.
1023863
From my own personal experience, she's not going to choose drugs over you, and you become the bad guy by asking her to stop.  Get out, you don't need to wait for her to leave you, you should leave her.  Or, if you can't leave, your persistant nagging about not using drugs will make her leave you.  Seriously, save yourself the heartache, get out now, and find someone who doesn't need drugs to have a good time, believe me, they will make you happier in the long run.
742356
Almost no one on crack can ever really stop. I've been there with friends. In the end, I hadda just move on. Too many times he needed a ride to his "brothers house" and I end up at the wrong end of a 9mm 'cause he thought he'd fold a $5 in half and by $50 worth of dope.They end up in jail and what not and you can't live on the street just to support his habit. You either have to put up with it or forget about him.\n\nYour only other option is to move him out in the country where there's no crack to be had. But he may just leave you and go back to where he can get it. Only 2% of ppl addicted to crack or meth can ever live a normal life after it.
237996
well you being there helps, but if you can no longer take it you may just have to leave and he might straighten up. I had to attend NA after I was arrested for meth possession. When I started attending I was clean for 3 months already. So the program did not do anything extra for me. My biggest support group was my girlfriend. She always told me I could tell her anything but in past relationships this was always crap. So I was fearful to tell her that I was an addict. She has never used so it was easy to hide. I was damn lucky she was still there for me after I got popped. And she is still here for me 5 years later. Besides I am too damn small to go to prison.
439840
i use to be a meth addict. it is hard to quit but it can be done if the person wants it bad enough.  i am very thankful i had a loving husband to help me through it and not just leave me. any way the way i come to stop is because my husband and some of my other family got me into  church, and I'm not the type of person to be able to go to church if i know I'm sinning. now i have recently quit meth and crack cocaine, and Ive given my life to the Lord. but the devil is at me every day to go use but the Lord is stronger. it was only a month and a half ago i was using every day. try to get them to see what life they are throwing away, i know it will be hard and meth addicts are very temper mental. whatever  you do don't ever do the stuff yourself, and if you live with the person you may have to try living in a different place, but still let them know you love them, and want to help them.  don't let kids be around this person cause kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and they know whats going on. you don't want them growing up thinking it is ok.  pray for this person, and if you truly believe God will answer your prayers, but remember He doesn't always answer them right when we want He answers them when feels its the right time.  i will pray for you right now, and God Bless You!!!!!!
722640
Hard question to answer.  I hope you get a lot of reponse that may help you to deal with this situation.  I know that it may be hard, but with crystal meth, maybe its best you don't talk to them for awhile.  People who are addicted to crystal meth will go to any extreme to support their habbit.  If you want to remain friends with them, just please be careful.  Keep in contact yet keep your distance.  In MY case, I had to drop the person and move on with my life - I wouldn't have been able to handle it any other way.  I do look back and wish I could have done different, but I know that I wasn't as strong back then as I am now.
1174629
I think you are doing the right thing by having God by your side and by having the faith that you need.  Maybe go more to church, read more and this may streghthen you.  \n\nI have to say, if he has made up his mind... he may have, or maybe he is just tired and hurt too.  Seeing you destroy yourself and that can really hurt one.  Besides maybe he doesnt want to make it easy for you to come back and do the same thing.  It is scary to see your partner destroy themself and see them on drugs and out of control.... have you thought of that.\n\nI am sure you can be happy, but you both have to be happy, like I said in your other question... there is a reason why things happen, and try to be possitive about it.  It isnt easy.... but try.  This will help you with your addiction as well to not relaps.  \n\nBroken hearts are hard to fix.  But alls I can say is time will heal and things will get better, think about it, they already have.  You are not on drugs any longer, I am sure your daughters are thrilled to see you not abusing your body.  And think... You get to have parcial custody of your daughters,  you have God in your life....it could be worse.  \n\nGood luck and let us know what you think and how you are doing ok/???
29067
if your a addict go 2 N/A with other addicts.i'am a addict i'll tell what i did & learned in the porgram you only have 2 change 1 thing THAT'S EVERYTHING!!! yes even old gilfriends.do what u got 2 do 4 u. everything else will fall into place. i have 3 yrs clean & sorbor & a hole new life. yes new girlfriend 2. she's got 2 yrs. we been together two & a half yrs.  JUST 4 2 DAY
403939
Honey, you don't need this and neither does your son. This is the role model you are choosing for your child. Is that what you want? If your guy had stayed in NA and had really tried to work this out, then I'd say to stick with him. But he really doesn't sound like he's giving it his entire effort. Maybe he does not want to give up drugs. So you have to tell him to make the choice... you or the drugs. I'll bet he chooses the drugs, thinking you won't walk out. But I know you will leave becasue I'll bet you love your kid a lot more than you love this drug addict.