How do you get back in a meaningful relationship with your wife after she had an affair?
99338
I'd recommend getting a therapist or religious clergy person involved in this process.  You both need someone neutral to help work through trust issues.  However, the counseling will only help if you and your wife are BOTH interested in mending your relationship.  It will be a long road, but you can get through this with time and support.  It will be more important than ever to be honest with each other and make time for your relationship.\n\nWhile some say "once a cheater always a cheater" that is often true.  In my experience that's been the case most often.  However, it's not an absolute!  I've also experienced the other side.  People can change and people make mistakes.  Relationships need to grow and perhaps it was just in the growing stage during the affair.  If you are both committed to make it work you can get back to what you had.
4110
Not knowing the details, it is tough to answer, but there are various types of women out there, and for some, trust is everything. If you did enough to make her leave you, it must have been pretty bad. I would assume (since I don't know the circumstances) that either there have always been trust issues, or that your infidelity (of whichever type) was long standing and ongoing, and so she felt betrayed. In both cases, I don't know if there is anything you could do. If she left because of pure emotional reaction, you might have a chance, but if it was an intellectual decision, it is not likely to work. Emotion can be reasoned with - an overreaction can be dealt with, but logic is usually rock solid.  You could offer therapy for you both, however if you are already 'divorced', it seems a little too final to try that. Apologies alone won't really get you anywhere. Not much of an answer, but without any details, it's the best I've got. My main advice though is to know when to give up. Some battles can't be won. At some point, you might have to just count your losses, consider this an expensive learning experience, and don't make the same mistake next time.
931547
You have answered your own questions above.\n1. you no longer love your wife.\n2. you have been neglected.\n3. your marital relations leave you sleeping alone.\n4. you have started another relationship -although platonic for now, with someone else.\n5. all you need is some guts to tell her the truth and be done with it, why drag it out-not helping you or her.\nHer gambling is HER PROBLEM, not yours, remember that.\ngood luck.
258998
Hey man I know where you are coming from. My wife just told me that cheated on me with another man about 2 months ago. I went nutts, but not too bad. Luckily she told me at our preachers house. After she told me I did not know what to do. Because in the bible it states that that is the only reason for divorce. I sat down and talked with her and the preacher. We agreed that we would stay together. I wanted to leave her but then I didn't. I love her so much, and not only because we have kids. I am still having a hard time getting over it. Like I said it has already been 2 months since she told me and I still can not sleep nor trust her. There are still times when I want to leave but I can't because I love her too much. Also you don't want to go out and do the same thing she did. It won't do any good, except have a burden on your shoulders. Just hang in there man. Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. God Bless!
199912
Your husband may have an affair before but should this be a problem for your marriage now? Not necessarily, of course! As you are saying that things are just don't feel good, I would like to assume some probable reasons for this.\n\nFirst of all, it is all about your husband. He is still interested about that girl and trying to keep contact. If this is the fact, you cannot do anything to make things right. You should take a divorce.\n\nSecondly, it is all about your husband's x-girlfriend. She is trying to be your husband's 'friend' or willing to take him back to her life. In this case, help your husband to handle this situation and make him feel that you are always with him as long as he is on the right way.\n\nLast, but not the least, it is all about you. You knew the truth about the past of your husband and now you are just not able to control yourself when ou are thinking about that matter (I hope this is not the fact). In this case, try to understand the reality that having an affair in the past is quite possible. Love is all around and nobody wants to be lonely!\n\nHope I was able to cover all of the possible things and you are in one of those mentioned situations and also, you will handle all these successfully! Best of luck!
151550
I am sorry to say this as the simple fact that you are asking  means you want to forgive your spouse. In my personal past experience as well as the experiences of my friends (both male and female) evrytime a cheater was taken back, they did it again. Some immediately, some years later, one with the same person (which hurts like you have no idea) and only ONE that has seemingly never done it again, BUT the trust has never been the same so the relationship has never gotten back to what it once was. Good Luck with your decision.
759810
First of all, dying is not an option here -- you have 2 children that love you and depend on you.  Be the responsible parent here.  \n\nI feel for you -- I really do.  Years ago, my wife of 6 years told me matter-of-factly that she had a boyfriend and that our marriage was over.  I felt like my world had ended.  But it did not.  Life went on, and I had to find the courage to pick up and begin again.  I and I alone am responsible for how I deal with what life throws at me.\n\nYou suspect that your wife is still cheating?  Act -- do not react.  If she refuses to get marriage counseling, then hire a private investigator to follow her.  This might sound harsh, but you should expect nothing less than the two of you to be faithful to each other.  There is no excuse whatsoever for a person to have an extramarital affair.  \n\nOne who does is, in effect, telling the other spouse that they are not worth much and that their own pleasure means more to them than the children they have.\n\nWhatever you decide to do, decide that you will follow through with it.
1043413
First of all, don't lower your standards to hers, don't cheat...I understand the love connection and you both have been together for a fair amount of time, but her being unfaithful now doesn't make for a good choice of a wife later...they always say they were going to stop, but allow to continue an affair until its discovered and not voluntarily revealed.  I find that important when it comes to determining if you should continue in such a relationship..I recommend ending it, but to answer your question, it would take a love that thru sorrow and regret for what she has done...that could convince you that this will never happen again...talk to her, find out why and how this happened , take all the information you can get and determine if your heart can forgive and forget in order to make such a shaky relationship last...good luck.
1123061
I think you are more infatuated with her than you love her. You got separated and she went to another man, why wouldn't she do it again if she has a problem with you again? Wake up man, this is simple commonsense. She just wants you, she does not need you, and you don't want to be in a relationship where you are just wanted and not needed. Thats not love. You will be used.\n\nWhat you need is a woman of your own and not one you share with another man. She is that other guy's wife and your seeing her is tantamount to adultery and that is treading on dangerous ground.\n\nDivorce? Well, she can get that to be with youbut are you going to marry her and take in that guy's children as your own? And do you see any reason why she won't divorce you as well when she has a problem with you? Don't be naive, you are believing that she loves you because thats what you want to believe. Sorry old boy but you will be a fool if you lick back what you spat out.
505807
The only solution to this mess you have gotten yourself into is to come clean with your wife. Your marriage couldn't have been that happy if you felt the need to cheat in the first place. Maybe through counseling you can salvage your marriage. \nThis casual affair is not asking that you call this child yours. It IS your child regardless of whether you like it or not.\nYou made a mistake by trying to bribe this woman or asking for an abortion. That would make any woman angry.\nYou need to come clean NOW, if you wait, it WILL  come back to haunt you later.  Make sure you tell your wife yourself. it will be so much worse if she hears it from someone else. And believe me she will hear about it. You upset the other woman and she will tell whoever will listen about you.\nGood Luck!
71680
Ultimately, the only person that can answer that is you and your spouse. If they continue to be unfaithful, there is an underlying reason to their actions. If in fact the two of you wish to salvage the relationship, talk to the other and find their real feelings. Perhaps the other is doing this because hey are addicted to sex. If this is the case, maybe you can consider stepping up the sex life. If the other simply enjoys the feeling of being with someone else, perhaps you can consider opening the relationship to allow a third part to join the relationship from time to time. Consider all options before you make a choice as in relationships when we make a move the piece is sometime difficult if not impossible to move back. I hope this helps….\n\n-Jerry
594557
Yes, your marriage can be revitalized and your trust restored!  You will need to work together to rebuild it, but it can definitely become stronger and deeper if you both choose to make it so. It is a process, though, not an event. I am a Mars Venus relationship coach and if you'd like to learn how to work through this challenge, feel free to email me at marsvenuscoach@yahoo.com.
806251
Obviously there were some serious problems in your marriage.  Seeing as how she's now your ex-wife, you're asking this question a little late, and asking if of the wrong people.  You should've asked her.  If you have a good relationship with her, you might try to get it out of her one day, maybe she'll tell you what happened with her in your relationship.  If I were to bet on it, I'd bet you took her for granted, you stopped courting her.  She felt like you didn't care about her anymore, so she went out and found someone who does.  I'm not condoning her actions, because I firmly believe that marriage is a lifelong committment, and you fix the problems in the marriage, and divorce really isn't an option.  But obviously you weren't giving her what she needed in your relationship.  Sorry......You probably need to just move on with your life.
187198
just be there for you. keep the lines of commucation open and keep reassuring her you love her very much. right now she is feeling really bad and needs your support. help her find a new job. go to her place and make supper for her. and encourage her to seek to talk to a professional and go along with her for support.. i must say truely you are a good man to forgive her like for having an affair. that says alot about you and i see that you must have truely changed..ps also be very patient with her coze this is a very trying time for her ok.. best of luck to both of you.
388796
Work on what got it to that point. I had my wife cheat on me. And I left. It took all I had to do it. We have had alot of problems since then, basically I don't feel like she shows me respect or respects me. Point is it depends on how your husband feels about you. I would take my ex back in a heartbeat if I thought she really wanted to work it out and really felt bad about it. In this situation you'll have to eat alot of crow but if he loves you he'll work with you. Good luck I hope it works out.
918491
Yes, I totally relate, and now after my affair, I have the best marriage I know of ..... had a very understanding and loving hubby that just didn't know how to show his feelings, which made me feel neglected...it took some time, but now we get along better than ever....the same good luck to you!
167092
it is what it is. a dream. dont be fooled by what you havent experianced. you are having an affair based on your imagination. of corse its perfect on line. to act on it would change it. it becomes reality. its not what it was any more, the dream is over, a divorce has begin. for what? someone good wiht words which you have possibly told your marrital problems to can be what ever you want them to be via chat.ask my first wife of 14 yrs now divorced 8 yrs. we still comunicate as she the mother and i the father of our 2 boys she will tell you the on line affair was the biggest mistake of her life. she commited the only act that i would leave her for. and the trust broken along with the home and the family which had just begin. she tried to work things threw with me one step to late. i later came to recognize i had been an emotionless prick to her for 14 yrs. she did what she had to. i still wont or ever go back. my advice is to work with with what you fell in love with before 5 yrs are wasted. you both know how to please as well as piss off each other. it takes two be open and honest. only and your husband can resolve your desire to stray. im sure he was a dream at one time too. make him the the dream your now having. i am not michele wylder just on her computer. im bobowabos and wasnt trying to fool you.