ihave never gotten thsi man out of head. i am married but our marriage really isn't working. what do i do?
114604
You know, marriage doesn't work, you have to work at marriage.  Why did you sleep with him, very simple answer, it's called lust.  And those lusty feelings diminish with time.  Why did he sleep with you and/or her?  Very simple again, he is a man and y'all were available.  Very few men will turn down sex from a willing woman. Whether he is married, engaged, or otherwise involved.  Sex just isn't that big of a deal for men, well emotionally they have no investment in a romp in the hay.  Women on the other hand tend to get emotionally involved.  Don't place too much emphasis on the emotions you are experiencing from your affair.  Place the emphasis on working on your marriage, counseling works, so does prayer.  I wish you well.
1033687
Hi Hmy ... I read your other questions and it's obvious that you husband isn't monogamous or intends not to stay that way. The only reason why you'd be  putting up with this  is because\nof low self esteem.   You don't think you deserve any better and  are desperate not to be alone.  Perhaps at the moment you don't deserve any better. Think of what you can do to change that.. \n\nMake what ever changes you need to feel better about yourself.  It could be education,  work, even volunteer work. Whatever it is you probally should spend a lot less time here.
852390
Get couples counseling. Perhaps if he heard it from someone else, he'd realize that his neanderthal view of sex is outdated and unfair, and you are miserable because of it.\n\nIf he won't get counseling and you said talking to him doesn't work, then you decide to stay and keep fulfilling your "obligation" or stand up for your rights and feelings, and don't have sex if you don't want it. Maybe if he had to go without for a while, he'd change his attitude a bit...\n\n...or maybe he'd stray or become violent...\n\n...or you can decide you've had enough, that it's not worth the conflict of standing up for yourself in the bedroom, and you can move on...\n\nYou are choosing to keep yourself in an unhappy situation...do what you can to fix it or get out...if you cannot fix it, then choose to resign yourself to your fate, or get out...\n\nThis life is too short (imo) to be unhappy in our jobs or personal lives...we choose to be happy or unhappy...we make our lives what we want them to be...\n\nWhat do you want yours to be? Make it so.
413031
Honey, you are better than that and you know it. That's why this is bugging you. Tell the guy to go home to his wife, and then go out and have a good time without him. You know there is someone else out there just waiting to meet someone just like you.  Be strong and remember that this could never go anywhere good. Good luck to you.
926906
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
1080062
well sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with and believe me I fully understand your situation. There are several reasons why men that say they are unhappy at home won't leave, sometimes it's because they might be unhappy but the wife has no idea there is a problem. But sometimes there is no real problem at home and he just wants something more. What you do depends on how long you are willing to wait if you can't take it anymore then it might be time to move on.
1036749
Do what he wants and make him to think of you first, slowly he will be understanding what u r, what u like, What u expect from him.\nThe normal man always want to provide all the things to his wife but forgets to understand her which creates problems....\nDon't Worry, Cheer UP, Every thing will be fine. Be BOLD For your thoughts in matters of Mutual Understanding.
174229
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
1018598
You know what? I don't think it is fair what some of the others have said..i think it is entirely possible to lose abit of that...and what you need to do is relive a lot of the past...remember a lot fo the romantic things you did for him and sneak those things back in to your repetoire...by that I mean...I sent my wife an Easter card when she went back to see her family in South America and she loved it..my wife and I started off by writing and emailing and while we've known each other for 11 years we've been married for 7.  I always try to do things, read old letters, look at pictures and read diaries of things we did together and I try to do them again...go to fine restaurants (tough with a child) but we do what we can.  I haven't fallen out of love with my wife but I think that it is necessary for you to start dating your husband on a weekly basis so that it doesn't happen again-FLIRT WITH HIM-go park..hehe whatever.....life is a long journey..sometimes it seems as though your priorities with children and work that sometimes you may lose the spark a bit..just light the pilot light again and do what you can to get his attention and it doesn't have to go back to the bed-especially if you are trying to see where his feelings lie with you...(no pun intended)...yeah that will get his attention in the short run..as it will in most men...BUT....it won't stand for the long run...so there has to be more.  maybe play hard to get a little..make him feel as though he has to give chase a bit...don't play the game too long...but...entice him..take him out for ice cream or even to a ball game EVEN if you HATE baseball or football...or a concert if he doesn't care for sports...\namusement park..you get the idea...do things that he LOVES to do that you would normally not care so much for because you CARE about doing stuff he is interested in...it is just an idea...surprise him...
126825
Clearly think this through before you give up on your marriage. If it can be fixed and he hasn't been abusive toward you than maybe you can work on what is wrong.\n\nK
1070570
Be miserable, like I am. It wouldn't be so bad if the man I married loved and respected me. I guess that doesn't help you, but these things happen. Do what you need to do to make things right, if you can.
376044
I hope that you are very careful with what you are doing with this guy.  Remember that you are married and you may lack a certain thing in your marriage which will be better work out with your husband.  I understand that it is kind of nice to have someone interested in your despite you are married but why are you dragging him on?  Will you be happy to divorce your husband because this guy sweet talk to you?  Are you sure that you will have a better future with this man than your current husband.  I suggest that you spend more time with your husband and rediscover him then talking to this guy, unless you have no hope in your marriage!  Good Luck!
684224
Well. there could be such much involved here. Like how has your marriage been going? I mean somewhere down the line something had to have happen.. It just doesn't stop. If you had a little more details I could help a little more. So I will do my best. First off, do you often spend time alone? That is important in a marriage where you two have time to go out on dates. Sometimes it takes you two to get out of your settings and do something different together. On the other hand how do you honestly feel about it. Are you making any efforts to be spontaneous with him? Is he just slowing drifting away. If that is the case maybe he could be hiding something that you don't know about. One thing for sure to do is pray to God to give you the answers you seek. There are just so many varibles that can play into all this...\n\nSorry that I could not be of more help..\n\nAmen and God bless...
388161
I wish I could tell you how to get him to listen.  He sounds like my late husband.  We were married for 40 years and he never really listened to me.  Once we were at a marriage counselor and I talked for about 5 minutes about how my husband didn't listen to me.  Then the counselor looked at my husband and said "what do you have to say about that"  and my husband responded "I wasn't listening"\nso going to a marriage counselor doesn't always work either.\n\nIn the end I began to think that my husband was frustrated by other people in his life and took it out on me.  He couldn't ignore his boss.  He couldn't tell his co-workers that they didn't know what they were talking about so he came home and did it to me.\n\nThe really bad part is that I came to believe that I was stupid and incompetent.  I put too much value in the way that he treated me. \n\nI took course on how to communicate.  I was told that I shouldn't say you did whatever but I should say I feel whatever.  He turned this against me and told me I was self-centered and I believed him.\n\nSo I can't tell you how to make him listen or how to communicate with him, but I can tell you that you must guard against feeling that something is wrong with you.
1183638
From what I understand from talking to my fiance, sometimes guys get so into it and so involved and excited that they can't "finish". I don't really understand it either, but believe me, we've been through it too. It's completely understandable since you waited until you were married to go for it(congrats on that by the way).I suggest just telling him to slow down and try to enjoy the moment more. Once he starts relaxing he'll come around..I promise :0)
941448
Hey I like you! ^_^ ..lol..seriously though, good for you it's really nice to know that there are men like you out there. \n\nMy husband WAS selfish-I am at the point where I am just like "Come on work with me here" it takes it's toll on a person when your lover thinks of himself before he does you all the time. And you keep telling yourself he'll come around, you only have Faith to keep you from drowning really...It hurts to be treated second all the time. \n\nNow he's changing and I can finally breathe a lil more....I think I will have to get use to being TRULY happy in this relationship of ours and believing that things are different between us... it takes two right? =) \n\nHey thanks for giving me a chance to share my thoughts slash vent....keep shinning and never give up! Best wishes to you and yours!
161999
This is something you should speak to your husband about. My wife had a similar problem. She married me at 18 and I was her first. She expressed her desire to be with another man for the experience, and assured me that in no way was she interested in leaving me for another. Since I love her with all my heart, I wanted to do anything possible for her. Through our discussions we have decided that we will pursue that in the future if the situation arises. I am working through some issues over it, but as I said, I love her and will do anything for her. If she needs to fulfill this, then I will allow it to happen. We may bring another guy into the mix with us or it might happen with her and him alone, we haven't decided that yet, but we will discuss everything and both of us must be comfortable with the situation in order to proceed. Communication is the key. I'm quite sure that your husband has some fantasies of his own that he hasn't shared with you yet. This could possibly be an opportunity for you both to discover new things in your relationship. Have a conversation with your husband. If your husband loves you as much as I love my wife then he will at least ponder the thought. Good luck.