What is the best way to forgive a person who has hurt you?
105997
I had that problem as well for a while so I sat down and wrote out what I thought on it from what I knew and learned.  It's long so bear with it...\n\nWhat is forgiveness?Each person has their own definition of it. To some it is never talking about it again. For others its pretending whatever it was never happened. Still others think its absolution of guilt and minimizing what happened. Still others it means giving up thoughts of revenge. Finally, some feel it is as simple as giving up the hate. Which is right?\nOK, let’s start somewhere else… Firstly, why SHOULD you forgive? Is it really necessary? That is dependant a lot of you and your school of thought. Most Christians point to the phrases in the bible and say it’s gods plan. Others are more apt to put forth the proposal that is makes you a better person. But does it? Is it truly necessary to forgive someone to grow? My personal belief is this; it depends on what you are forgiving. Some things are small and don’t really mean that much so it’s not a big deal, forgiveness is easy there. But what about bigger things? Things that affect your life and your mental health? That is where it gets more complex… Anger, hatred and rage are there for a reason some times, all of us have felt them at some point in time, they are normal. They are there to tell you something is wrong and you need to work through it. Depending on the offense forgiveness isn’t automatic. It takes time. Sometimes forgiveness is NEVER warranted, EVER. Think about it, why should you forgive someone that isn’t the least repentant for what they did to you? Then there are truly evil acts that should never warrant forgiveness. Yet as mature adults we, mostly from teachings when we were small children, feel that we have to forgive someone no matter how heinous the crime. Step back a bit and think about that… Then ask yourself why? Why are you forgiving them? Is it because that is how you feel or is it because you were once told that is the proper thing to do? Which is it? What we are never taught as a child is that anger is healthy and the expression of such is right, we sometimes have a reason to feel that anger. And to get better that anger is needed. Only after you have worked through that stage should you consider forgiveness. Even then sometimes you don’t need to forgive someone. I hear the gasp from here so bear with me… Why should you have to forgive someone when you don’t feel it is warranted? The answer is you shouldn’t. There is nothing in this world that tells you it’s a requirement. Think about it; aren’t there some things done that don’t ever warrant it? No, forgiveness doesn’t make you better than them, really it doesn’t. Forgiveness will not get you into heaven faster. Forgiveness won’t make what is done to you go away. Forgiveness truly can only come when YOU are ready for it, not before. If that never happens then so be it. Just because you don’t and can’t forgive someone doesn’t mean you are filled with hate and rage, it just means you are unable to make that step because you don’t feel it is warranted, no other reason.\nSay you are ready to forgive someone for something fairly big, OK your ready to tell them all that and shine your halo a bit. But before it goes that far mayhap you should ask what their definition of it is. If it is we will never discuss it again, it never happened or that it’s an absolution of guilt back off! That is not forgiveness, they want you to forget it happened and let them off the hook. That is not forgiveness. Just because you FORGIVE them doesn’t take away their culpability in the matter or make it so it never happened. No way, doesn’t work like that. If they want absolution send them to church, that is the only place they will get it! No one ever said if you forgive them that you can’t ever talk about it, they just don’t want to is all. Forgive and forget is all wrong because as much as you try you will NEVER
232839
You are honest enough to realise that you have done something wrong to someone, which itself shows u have taken responsibility of it. You cannot immediately confront him as iam sure he too is just recovering from whatever it is you have done to him. You have to wait, be patient. Once when the time is right, when things are a bit silent, you have to talk to him and get it over with. Meet him alone in person and in the first instance, start apologising  and then u owe him an explanation on why u had to do it. And last, tell him how awful you feel about what u did. And wait for him to react, listen to him, positive or negative...it doesnt matter..as much as you have admitted your mistake, give him a chance to let whats in his mind to come out. You have to take it from there, i guess. If that person has forgiven you, then great..but if he hasnt, and goes on abusing or accusing u and making u feel that you have sent him to hell, well...listen to it and simply walk away..you cannot force him to forgive you...\n\nYou did your  part and i'll bet u will feel a lot relieved. It wont irritate you in ur mind that you didnt clear it up, so well done, you have done ur part! pat urself for being brave!!
115125
We need more details to help you out here.  The best I can do with what I know about your situation is a general appology.  Be sincere, and don't try to explain your side of it.  If you do, this may come accross as an excuse.  If you are truely sorry for what you did then say so and never say, "I'm sorry but...".  This will make the person think you don't really mean it.  Take full responsibility for your actions and admit what you did was wrong.  Ask them to look down deep in their heart and please forgive you.  Remind them of what your relationship means to you and how important they are to you.  Finish the letter by saying over again, "I really am sorry for hurting you.  I will do what ever it takes to earn your trust and restore our relationship."\n\nGood Luck!
431174
After realizing your mistakes and apologizing sincerely to him, then give him space, don't drool on it as it will not give him the chance to reflect on what you've said that has hurt him or your words of being sorry. Time doesn't really heal whatever pain we've experienced, but it gives us the chance to take it, to carry it and to understand why things have happened. Its more difficult for a man just to forget, forgive and pretend nothing has been said that has hurt his ego or his total self. Just continue being you, the person he used to be a friend with, smile when you see him, though stop nagging or pushing yourself into him to put back everything that was. That's done and gone, start from scratch, that's the cause and effect of what you've done. Accept and WAIT, wait when he's ready to be friends again. Remember, wait and have patience.
791203
You either make a decision to forget or to hold a grudge forever. She did those things in the past, and I assume has apologized and made up for it... so now the ball is in your court and it is up to you to forgive or to not forgive. You need to make a decision soon though, otherwise you'll just be in this bad-feeling state of mind. The choice to forgive is always the better one too, but I'm sure you know that.\n\nNow, how do you forgive her? You try to understand it and realize that it was in the past and that people change and make mistakes and you accept it and forgive it.
659919
The forgiveness part is easy it is he forgetting part that takes a lot longer to accomplish.  I think that you can forgive a person in your heart, but still not want to be around that person for some time.  If you act like nothing happened with this person, then she or he will continue to think that they can treat you this way.  I feel that we teach people how to treat us, and you don't want to show them that it is OK to hurt you. I say, give it some time, you'll know if they are truly sorry, and deserve your friendship again by their actions.  Good luck, hon.
41703
I wish I could say "forgive" and forget. But "once a cheater-always a cheater." Actually, if you will listen to the wisdom that is inside of you, you already know what to do . . . \n\nThe reality is that being able to cheat is a huge character flaw. It means that person does not respect you or themselves. Plus, that person is able to lie and not feel guilty enough about it to break and tell the truth. I am no kid ~~ and if you are young, please learn from those of us who have been around the block and few times ~~ respect yourself and without a lot of drama -- tell the guy goodbye.  \n\nAre there ever cheaters who change? Yes, but you will find that those who have usually had a deep life-changing religious experience. Those who are "sorry" and say "they will never do it again" without a deep internal overhaul, are the ones who cheat again. \n\nI have experienced it all. I have been cheated on, I have been hurt until I didn't think I could hurt any more, I have forgiven, and I have been hurt right back again. This is not a vindictive response. This is a word from one older sister to a younger one -- stay away from the cheaters. They will only break you heart.
630544
Learn how to love, how to live, how to forgive, how to forget(what annoying u)...\nThe best way is the hard way I guess.
731129
No, you should treat everyone as you would like to be treated, not as they have treated you.  Can you imagine a society that is out to get everyone at every turn that would be horrible.  Show that you are a better person, by forgiving them and moving on.  Since you have lost trust with this person it is best to just leave them behind.  Why it hurts so much is because they have betrayed your trust.  They were disrespectful and wrong.  I am sure you have heard the phrase forgive and forget, forgive them, but move on.  Forgetting will take time and showing them you are a better person by not reacting the way you want but how you should will make both of you better in the future.
112442
Apologize.  Acknowledge that you are human and have done wrong.  Ultimately you will have to forgive yourself and move on.  (Easier said than done, I know)
827727
Put your hand in God's Hand\n\n\nPrayer, Time and Forgiveness heals all wounds
247805
Just put some distance between the two of you. If you can't forgive, at least don't throw it in your friend's face. That'll just keep the anger strong and even make it grow.\n\nTell her(him) that you're hurt, and that there's no room in your life for her(him) right now.
850785
You could start by reading the million other posts and responses on how to get over someone.  Most of them will tell you the same thing, the only thing that is going to make you feel better is time.  Forgiving is easy, just do it, forgetting however, is a different story.  You will never forget him or the good and bad times you shared, it's impossible without the assistance of a labotamy (sp*).  So forgive, take all the time necessary and do your best to keep your self respect and move on.
151822
if it was your fault tell her a sorry with a kiss or flowers (and mean it of course) if it was her fault forgive her with a kiss and a nice peaceful dinner or crack a joke (better be a nice one)
651717
there is no sure-fire successful way to do this.  i would recommend that you extend the olive branch to them.  time can heal wounds or can cause them to fester and grow worse.  it all depends on the people involved, and the depth of the hurt.  an apology can't hurt, and might even make YOU feel a little better to get it off your chest.\n\ntrust is even harder to pin down... once it's gone, it is very hard to rebuild, and even if it is, it's never quite the same.  people aren't machines, and don't respond very predictably when feelings and emotions are involved.\n\nif you've done all you feel that you can do, eventually it comes down to the other person. (is it your sister, by chance?)  it is up to them, and there is no way to force yourself upon them.  and when you think about it later, why would you want to be around someone like that anyway?  \n\nsad, but it may be time to be at peace with yourself and move on.
467410
Whatever you did happened in the past and you can do nothing to change it. I happened. If your deed involves hurting someone you love (that most likley the reason you feel bad about it) then it might be a good idea to talk with the person about it. If that person cares about you he or she might forgive you,especially since you didn't do it intentionally or without planning. \nIn any case it was something you did "without thinking" therefore you didn't plan, there was no "intent" more an "Impulse". Learn from the expereince, file it under life happens and go on.
840086
Beat his a.s.s.\nMake him hurt as much as he made YOU hurt.