Any advice for a man with narcissistic wife?
98925
Make sure there are plenty of mirrors around as she will love looking at herself. \nCompliment her to no ends on her looks she will absorb all that like a sponge.
841534
I know it's hard, believe me! It's not something you get over in one night, or one year. It takes alot of time and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give yourself that time? Is the marriage good now? Is it worth working on? Your wife needs to work on rebuilding your trust. Is she willing to do whatever it takes to help you along with this? It really seems to me that she is, because 20yrs is a long time that you both have invested in. I know you are in pain right now, your wife has been in pain for the last 10yrs thinking about what she did and has lived with knowing that one day you would find out and maybe end the life she really wants. And that is to be wife and a mother to YOUR kids. I am not making excuses for her because what she did was wrong! I know you need validation right now and you have every right to feel that way. You (I am sure) are a great dad. So for right now, focus on that. Time will heal...I promise!
658073
.\nMy friend has lived with a husband who was schizophrenic. She used to get a daily dose of kicks, abuses, curses and insults. Yet she did not leave him.\n\nAnd now he is old and helpless and he no longer beats her although his tongue is still sharp. I have not seen ANY change in him.\n\nWas it worth it to have wasted her life. And why did she do it. Another friend of mine is a psychologist and has completed her thesis on "Wife Beaters". According to her research, she says that there can be NO change in the man who beats up his wife. He will continue to do so till he dies.\n\nAre you willing to sacrifice your life? If  "LOVE" is not there anymore, then the marriage is a very painful relationship.\n\nI don't think that it will help you to remain in this situation.\n\nYour life is yours. You have a right to live with dignity and self respect which he cannot give you. You will develop low self esteem if you stick to him.\n\nGo--- Find your own happiness--- but this time don't get into another trap easily
258998
Hey man I know where you are coming from. My wife just told me that cheated on me with another man about 2 months ago. I went nutts, but not too bad. Luckily she told me at our preachers house. After she told me I did not know what to do. Because in the bible it states that that is the only reason for divorce. I sat down and talked with her and the preacher. We agreed that we would stay together. I wanted to leave her but then I didn't. I love her so much, and not only because we have kids. I am still having a hard time getting over it. Like I said it has already been 2 months since she told me and I still can not sleep nor trust her. There are still times when I want to leave but I can't because I love her too much. Also you don't want to go out and do the same thing she did. It won't do any good, except have a burden on your shoulders. Just hang in there man. Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. God Bless!
520603
You owe your wife the truth.  She has a right to know what kind of man she is married to. The longer you wait to own up to all of this with her, the more hurt and angry she is going to be. Try to be a man in all of this, tell her the truth and let her move on with her life. Your feelings are not the only ones at stake here.
820968
Well, first of all I commend you for understanding your wife's problem,  I've worked with people with Borderline Personality Disorder and it does keep you on your toes.  One of the significant symptoms that I know of with this condition is the ability to create chaos out of order.  It can be very stressful for those around the person who has it.\n\nMy advice is for you to get into counseling first so you have a safe place to vent your feelings and learn how to best deal with the drama your wife creates.  You cannot force your wife into treatment but maybe with gentle coaxing and acceptance, she may decide she wants help too.  Good luck!
763380
My wife was good at manipulating me when I believed what she said.  Now I don't put any value in anything she says and the funny thing is WE are happier.\n\nA while back we seperated (she was having an affair).  She said she wanted to be fair so I took the word "fair" to heart.  She moved out so I took over all the house hold bills because I was using everything, but her student loans, her car payments were hers.  We also consolidated our debt and she paid me half to which promptly paid.  She had access on the internet to see it was paid every month and never late.  So things seem fair right?\n\nI don't need much free spending cash to get by so all the sudden I had more money than I needed.  My wife however, had to pay a seperate rent and other bills so her cash flow was pretty low.  She then said we should go into mediation and discuss child support.  She already said that she didn't want allimony.  Now I don't go into negotiations blind so I read up on child support.  As we were waiting to meet the person who would mediate my wife & I she was telling my how money was so tight.    \n\nWhen we actually meet with the mediator I took charge saying that I just want to make sure what we were doing is "fair".  Then I Iaid out how we had already divided up the bills and that my wife did not want allimony.  The mediator agreed everything seemed fair.  Now my wife brought up child support and restating she didn't want allimony.  I then pulled out what I had learned that in the state I lived in child support was a simple mathematical calculation based on the percent of time each parent had the children.  The look on my wife's face was priceless when I told her from what I found she would have to pay ME childsupport.  My wife grabbed those papers so quick I almost laughed.  The mediator glanced at them and said if the numbers where right then I was correct.  The look on my wife's face was priceless and I think this was also the same time she started to realized that the fantasy life she was hoping to have was never going to happen.  \nI left the meeting feeling happy that my life could only get better.  I continued seeing a few new friends with benefits for a six months or so and my wife found out that her lover was not as stable financially as she thought.  We did get back together, but I always try to be fair.
209215
Cherish each other, treat him like a king, let him have the authority in the marriage.  You will be surprised by all the wonderful benefits to this method.  He will treasure you for putting him on the pedestal, and you won't believe how fun life can be when you don't have arguments anymore, because he is making the decisions.  If you want more info go to nogreaterjoy.org.  Check out the Helpmeet book.\n\nI will add if you love him and don't want to count another marriage down the drain, fight for him and your kids.  Quit calling them, his and your, they are all yours now!  Do special things for him that let him know you are very committed to the marriage.  Put him first, act like you are trying to win him for the first time.  I know this doesn't seem fair, but men respond to it.  If he is unsure of where your loyalty is, or that you think your marriage can not make it then he will look for an easier relationship, or what he thinks is easier.  Ignore the kids blatant attempts to destroy what they think is keeping their parents from reuniting, and win them over too.  Don't expect them to respect and love you just because.  Don't spoil them, but do things that cater to them, make a special meal that they like, or allow them to pick the movie you will watch with them, do love them even though they seem unlovable, do things they don't expect you to, like leave a silly note on their pillows, saying you are proud to be their stepmom, or whatever they call you, do things with them like cleaning their room or making a cake. Be as affectionate as appropriate and don't repond to their pranks.  This is a war for the life you want and chose, do you want to start all over,, saying this is my 4th marriage how do I make it work?  I know it seems like you are swallowing your pride, but would you rather sign divorce papers?  It works, I will pray for you and the family. Blessings.
750980
have a good talk with your wife you can get in to a lot of trouble talking to a norther one so cool it talk to your wife let her know how you feel good luck
748160
sorry to say this, but your wife sounds trife! any woman who wont recognize a man thats willing to take care of you and you cant even make sure he comes home to a clean house? she sounds verrrry comfortable. like she knows she "got you". she probably talks shit about you to her girlfriends. do you go away alot? talk to her, if that doesnt work, tell her to kick rocks!! you dont sound happy with her, you should always be happy.
478291
Well in my opinion he already knows that his commander is a d*ck, but nothing worth doing is easy. I would want my wife to support me, not let me know how crappy my position is. I know that already. Give him something to look forward to and cherish the time you do get with him. Many other women have bigger problems than "my husband works to much." You have your whole life ahead of you two to spend time together, let him get ahead in life now so that you can grow old, happy and rich together.  Support him he sounds like a good one.
128583
Hi, please go get help. You have children that love you and look up to you. No one in the world will ever be able to replace you. Get some counseling to find out what has made you so abusive. More than likely, you were very mistreated in your own child hood and don't know of any other way. If your wife is still talking to you, let her know-after you have made an appointment with a counselor, that you have an appointment and are commited to getting help. If she has told you that she has already made up her mind about leaving you, then don't pressure her to be with you anymore. Just let her know that you are getting help for yourself, that you love her, and your kids, and you are deeply sorry. Then leave it at that. It is possible, that once she sees that you are actively getting help for yourself, that she will be interested in you some time in the future. If she is not, which is understandable, then get the help for yourself and for your kids. You will always be their father, and they need someone to show them how to be respectful and have self-control. Please contact Jan Hunt. She does phone counseling for children and families. If you need any, she also has scholorships for families who can't afford her cost. She also has a great book about how the way you were treated in childhood affects you for life. It's called Parenting from The Heart.
668184
shut the hot water off when your not using it\nempty the frig...now food no mother in law..\nshut of the cable TV..put up the old rabbit ears with two stations for her to watch...\naccidentally put bleach in some of her clothes when in the wash..oops..sorry...\nget back up late at night and have loud music and dance...and wake her up...then when she gets up..shut the lights off and go back to bed..\nand when she asks whats wrong ..say with a smile..why nothing what ever gives you that idea..\nor you could do most of thees without your partner even knowing it is being done..and then when she complains to him/her..say I do not know what she is talking about...then put salt in her coffee..\nSMILE
489722
get a new wife.  One that appreciates you for who you are.
809102
Wow. I'm not sure that anyone will really have an answer to all of that, but one thing to try for sure is going through the courts to find a good councellor for her. If that doesn't work, you could always consider a boot camp. My brother attended one after going through alot and putting my family through hell and back. He's a changed person because of it. If it comes down to her using your husband in one of her "plots", I would seek help from a paid professional. If she is lying to hurt you, there has to be something going on in her head that makes her think that it's ok to do. I hope this helps in any way.
589070
Wow are you ready for my answer. It isn't gonna be short sorry but I think I can help you understand this a little better.\n\n Most of what I have to say is from being that way myself. My wife God Bless her has stood beside me through all the B.S. I did to her in the early part of our marriage. First let me start off by saying don't let him or any other man push you around. Now it is OK to let them have some control. Men need and expect that. They still want to be king, but we have to keep in mind a king is nothing without his Queen. A man will act that way when they know they have a great thing and are afraid they are going to lose it to some one better.  The reason he doesn't like you talking to other boys is one in the same. He knows they can offer things he can not. I agree with him to some extent. I want the attention of my wife. I don't want her giving it to some other man. But slowly I have worked on this and now things are better. I have had to make myself trust her because she has never showed me any sign that she has done wrong. \n As far as him calling you up out of the blue, it is because loneliness has gotten the better of him. He never did think you was a liar. he knows the truth. He has his own faults and expects you and every one else to be the same. Now the only thing left is to decide if you want him back in your life. We know what he is like so far and if he will change is yet to be seen. As I told some one else tonight its a matter of talking to him. If you are gonna give this another shot then sit him down and talk to him. Let him no how you feel and dont forget that both of you need to give and take. You have to give a little as well. A relationship is a two sided coin. I always told myself that I was not spose to change for anyone. Well I was wrong. Changing is all you get done in a relationship. You have to mold yourself around that other person and vise versa.\n\n Hope this helped......I really do. God Bless.
1183684
What you've suggested is really all you can do. You gave her good advice about communicating with her husband and going to counseling. Beyond that, it's really none of your business and not your responsibility.