should i tell my past to my husband? i'm confused what i shud i do?
106529
Depends on what you want to tell him. What part of your past? I read in a advise column in the newspaper about this husband who after many years of a wonderful and loving marriage found out from someone else his wife had an affair with a married man before marrying him. He went nuts and now thinks of her as dirty, not good enough for him. Watch what you want to share with him. If you have had previous lovers or such, I 'd say no.
848264
Eventually if you want to have a serious relationship and marriage with this guy, everything is going to have to come out into the open. It won't be easy, but if he truely loves you he should be accepting of what has happened to you. Remind him that there was an agreement that the two of you made not to talk about the past and now that he has shared with you and you are understanding that you would like to be able to have the same reaction.
871920
You need to be up front and clear. Don't worry about his feeling more than your own. You don't have to tell him about your past but you can ry telling him I am not ready to take the relationship any further yet. I want to go slowly. Don't accept any dates at his house or any invitations over to his house. Don't allow him at our house. Keep all contact in public-- that way there won't be any possible ways for him to try and convince you or make you feel guilty. However, if he is not listening to you you have to ask if you even want to be with hi,\nDo not feel obligated to him. If he is a nice and normal guy who genuinely likes you he would not want you doing things because you felt obligated to,
602580
If your husband loves you a lot, that is acceptable.  If he doesn't talk about his past relations with women, that is also acceptable.  Our past is a learning experience, not a current barometer of our thoughts and actions.\n\nBest advice, simply ask him about his old affairs (hopefully all before he met you of course!).  If he doesn't have much to say on the subject, that is ok.  You must judge him on the here and now, the promises he's made to you since he's met you.  \n\nDon't make any judgements from the time before you met him, that only leads to heartache and trouble, regardless of how good he may be.
753327
You have quite a dilemma there and that actually happened to me .I was married and didn't love him anymore and didn't have the balls to tell him and looking back i wish i did . I could have saved us all alot of misery. If i could do it over I would've saved up some money and just moved out and left him. That's what you should do .Plan your next move financially and emotionally it will be easier for both of you .
879220
Keep your mouth shut and don't do it again!  You can't ease your guilty conscious by telling him, it will only hurt him and cause him to make a choice he may or may not be able to live with. My husband cheated on me once and then four years later he decided to tell me.  I was devastated but I have never had a jealousy problem and I told him that when we were married (most people are not like me).  I told him right from the beginning that I really didn't care because if he loved me than he would stay with me and if he didn't than I never had him to begin with so I would be better off.  I just felt betrayed that he did it with my friend, when I was pregnant with our son and worst of all--he was only telling me to ease his conscious, after four years.  It didn't change anything except that now I know he did it and it is always on my mind.  If you really love him than realize your mistake and don't do it again and for god's sake don't tell him.
138531
Explain to her that you love her and if you could change the past, you would. Good luck!
621785
You need to channel your feelings into appreciating your husband a little more instead of his past escapade.  What are the things that your husband has done for you to show how much he loves you?  Think of those things instead..\n\nIf he really loves you and is truly sorry for what he did he won't do it again.  I've known a lot of people who has done it once and never again.\n\nIt is not even worthy to reveal it to him, he will only feel hurt that you still have not forgotten about that..it will make him feel inadequate.  Everybody deserves a SECOND chance, how much more your own husband??
491210
he probably meant exactly what he said, you took your husband for everything and that makes him cautious about being in the same situation. if its true what can you really say about it and how can you be hurt over it? the facts are the facts and honestly anyone would tell him he's a fool to ignore your behavior in the past and not be careful, wouldn't you if it was a friend asking for advice? And think about it you love him now and everything is fine, if you ended up in a divorce situation that wouldn't be the case and the best  predictor of future behavior is what you've done in the past. i'm sorry he hurt your feelings but they are the facts of your life and you should respect him for that unless you are looking for a sucker and not a life partner.
962060
i think it would be wise to ask your hubby what is his opion about all of this first before asking other peoples opinion. since he already know everything about your past, and i think his ok with it, give your man the respect, by asking for his help his your problem. but for me i dont think it would be wise to tell your ex about the baby, for it will definitely open doors for a questions and if i were your husband i would definitely dont want you to get too involved with your past specially with what happened to you and your ex. but thats just me. . .  the best thing you can do is to pray for God's guidance. goodluck and GODBLESS to you and your family.
720686
Sit her down and explain to her that although she told you that she didn't want to hear anything about your past, you feel that it is important to tell her something. Once you have her attention tell her that you were married. I'm sure she will understand why you told her and hopefully the two of you can talk it over and maybe even forget about it after you break the news! Good luck!
1039348
Been through that my friend. There is no simple answer coz it's done. Tell her very politely that your relationship cannot live in the past and since you cannot change it, if she is so concerned she must have her freedom. Not simple, but that is how it should be. You cannot erase your past, only GOD can. I agree it has no relevance to your present circumstances. If it happened before you met her, she should love you for what you are. I hope she is an angel!!!
161352
I'm not one to really talk since I've been divorced twice, but still, I think that unless he's abusing you or your kids, give him a chance to remind you of why you married him in the first place. "For better or worse" There is nothing worse than regret, and if you decide to end the relationship without serious counsuling or prayer (if you're religious) that you may wind up regreting leaving the man whose stood by you all those years. And 9 is a big number, so unless you've been lying to yourself and him for that long, you're marriage deserves a lengthy examination.
510912
I hate to say it, but I honestly feel that your relationship may be doomed for a number of reasons. First, you began by saying you have trust issues with your husband because of past issues. Of course! But, it's in the past, and you haven't let it go. I imagine you may even still throw this in his face during a heated arguement? Second, I'm not suggesting you're right or wrong by checking his cell phone, but instead of trying to catch him doing something, which only drives the wedge further between the two of you, you could have approached things in a different manner. Yes, he was wrong... But so were you for checking! I understand your suspicions, though I think there may have been a better way to approach the situation. Talk with him, build better communication with him. I'm not suggesting throw caution to the wind, forget about everything in the past, but something between the two of you needs to change or you'll continue to keep getting the same results!\n\nI sense some insecurities on your part, and whether they're called for or not is irrelevant. Bottom line is that they need to be dealt with. There's something deeper than all the information you've offered. Take a step back and evaluate your relationship together. Is your husband a good catch? Are you a good catch? Why or why not, for BOTH of you? Maybe it would be a good excercise for the two of you to make lists (the whys and why nots), of yourselves, and each other, and share this information openly with each other in a non-threatening conversation.\n\nI'm sharing this with you in a point blank manner, because there were trust issues in my own failed marriage. Sometimes I wish I had only listened to my own advice! It's too late for me now, but hopefully you'll take something from my suggestions here and dig deeper into your own relationship.
1055647
I guess that really all depends. What value is there in your partner knowing how many previous partners you've had - as long as you and he are both clean? Traumatic events, in my own opinion, if you think that your past traumatic events could create some problems in your relationship, then it might be best to consider whether or not you and he are meant to be BEFORE indulging him in your entire past. The only reason I say this is because you'll need to trust him completely, and he shouldn't be frightened away by what you've been keeping. Though I'm sure sharing the information would give you some sens of relief, he might become more afraid to engage in certain activities with you knowing your emotional past. Not only that, but what if he leaves you not long after, and were to share this information with others? Childish - yes, but you need to watch out for number 1 first - That number 1 is YOU! Good luck! I hope it all goes well!
310650
it depends on you if we are together and u are acting like a slut. then for get it, but if change and show that i can trust you then for get about your past. Remember trust is the only thing that keeps people close to you when you lose that is never the same.
343444
Why not ask your Huband how he would feel about it?\n\nAlso if this guy really just wants a pen pal why don't you tell him you will pass on his info to your Husband as you think the 2 of them would have more in common.If he gets defensive or anything then you know what he is up to. :)