What are the chances that a verbally abusive man can change overnight, and keep the new changes?
116076
I have been through this same thing you are going through. (My husband is active duty in the military too BTW) When he got nice all of a sudden it was because he was having an affair. So I don't think he will keep the new changes. My advice is to be cautious.
951483
get out as soon as you can. HE WILL NOT CHANGE., even if he says he will. i know nobodys advice will chnage what your mid is set on, but if you plan on staying in this relationship, it is your fear of him talking, not your love. get away from him and stick to your story about the slap. anything to stay away from him...
509240
yah, you cant change a person.  Just find a nice polite way to tell her what she is doing and see if she realizes it or not.  She wont change if she doesnt think it is a bad thing. But.. if she sees the issue as a problem she will be willing to work on it. Good luck
890937
fiancee??  4 years?  Hmm.  blaming.  Hmmm.  throwing, slamming, yelling.... Not good.  He needs to learn how to manage his anger.  If you don't leave, then this may very well escalate into another domestic violence statistic.  Go explain your situation to the battered women's shelter.  They will appropriately advise you.  It's hard for you to see and understand that YOU DO have options.  Go tomorrow and find out what they are before you get physically hurt.  I know the emotional part is bad enough.... So go tomorrow.
126261
I think you need to get this guy out of your system and close the door on him once and for all. You cannot change him, don't waste your time trying.
923567
If you know your issues are the root of the problem I would say until you can make the changes within yourself.  If you are making changes just to suit him, then until H*** freezes over.  Good luck!
362483
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I live with the same type of thing every day, unfortunately the person in question is my boss. Sometimes I think if I let loose one day the consequenses might just be worth it. Horrible, I know, but this kind of person can cause the most severe and aggressive frustration! My advice is to avoid him as much as possible, which is what I do with her, but should you happen to proceed with a physical confrontation I admit I would find it comforting to know that at least someone had some consequence for their constant crap behavior and maybe will think twice about it in the future.
109786
You need to contact a support group for YOURSELF.  You have to realize you can't change him, he can only change himself.  If he does not want to help himself, and you want to stay with him, you need the support of others who are going through the same situation.
77024
Have you considered dumping him? That'll fix him for sure.... Unless you are fond of passing out drunks who treat you poorly. Just a thought.
521054
Anything you "do" is going to force her to defend him.  I know how frightening the situation is.  It could build in to full blown abuse. If this is what he does when drunk it will only get worse.  Sounds like you have already been through plenty with this relationship. It is so hard to stand by while our kids make big mistakes.  Been there done that! Just be there for emotional support, she will need you.
438450
Well there are a couple ways to take care of it. If he lives with you, you can force him to move out (call the police if necessary). If you live with him, then you should move. If he hits you, then you should file charges on him and get a restraining order. Abusers were usually abused as a child so they don't see what they do as wrong. If he is young enough, some success has been found through drastic counseling measures. Maury Povich and Montel both have done the shock treatment on men like that. Taking them to see women in morgues who were abused to the point of death. If he loves you then he would stop. But you deserve much better. No woman deserves to be physically, verbally, emoptionally, or mentally abused. My advice is to send him to jail for awhile to see if he changes his ways.
1114076
i don't think that there is anything that anyone on here can tell you that you don't already know.you aren't going to "leave him"untill you are ready to. and unfortunetly it may take something really hurtful for you to do it.\n       i was with an abussive man for a little over a year. i loved him to death though. when he wasn't hitting me, and verbally abusing me, kicking down my door, and cheating on me, he was very funny and "loving." he was and still is the only person who can really make me laugh, but he's also the only one who can really make me cry. i put up with a lot for that year or so, and people told me to leave him alone. even the police told me to leave him alone. but i couldn't. i loved him and i knew that he would  "change." \n        one day we were arguing and he hit me down to the floor and just began kicking me in the back and stomach. that's when i realized that he actually didn't love me. he just wanted to controle me. and he was able to do that by being "super sweet" so if i ever had a doubt, i could also think of something sweet that he had done( which of course meant that he loved me). by the end of that relationship, my body would literally shake at the sight of him. even to this day, a little over a year later, if i see him walking on the street i'm terrified.\n     i don't know, all i'm saying is we can't make your decisions for you. you have to look at your future... do you see it getting better? worse? staying the same? and figure out whether that is what you want for the rest of your life. i would have married that man, if he had asked me to, i loved him that much. but if i would have, my life would be a living hell.
12295
I'm sure you've talked to him about this to no avail. Its going to depend on what you will put up with. Hes used to it, its become a habit and you know habits are hard to break, so just decide if you can live with it the rest of your life. If not, something needs to change, as in, adios. Its hard but its harder being stressed out about it. tc---Linda
663374
If it's ongoing, absolutely.\nIf it happens more than once......ZERO response along with one cold, glassy, look. \nThat person is a pig.\nIf it's in the workplace, go immediately to your Human Resources Manager.  Not to some employee in there.  You go immediately to the Head Honcho. Bang on the door if you have to.\nI'm a "Take No Prisoners" sort.  You are being abused and it's unacceptable.\nDon't let anyone tell you differently.\nNot one person in this world deserves being abused in any way, shape or form.\nYou take care of yourself and good luck.
93864
Yes, and you should do it immediately.  Most likely he himself has been abused, so some intervention is needed now.  You also need to get your daughter in counseling - immediately.  Personally, though some may think it is drastic, I would change my daughter's school and probably drop her off too.  How would you feel if you had to see someone that did that to you everyday?
119336
You can't change him, and it would hurt him if you try.  People don't like to be told what to do, it's insulting.  If wants to change he will, but you can't change people no matter how hard you try.  Trust me, I've tried.
481732
Calmy approach him and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable to hear him speak that way.  Ensure him that in no way are you trying to control his mouth, nor do you want to take away his feedom of speech.  Just let him know that his behavior is having a negative effect on your mood and you're afraid that such negativity may affect your relationship with him.  If he accepts your words and makes a conscious effort to change--and remember, it's not going to happen over night--then I'm sure you guys will be fine.  If not, however, then maybe "Mr. Potty-mouth" isn't the man for you.