what is the best way to deal with a wicked mother-in-law?
110553
Throw water on her.  Maybe she'll melt. :)
525867
Hey there, just to let you know, all the mother-in-laws in the world are jealous of their daughter-in-laws. The least they'd think is that some little bit*ch has come along to steal the little boy she's loved for years that she's raised into her little man. That's the rule of the nature. Heard of Odipeous? I don't want to get too Freudian about this. But I hope you get it. I wouldn't be surprised that you mother-in-law has lust for her own son; in that case, she's a sick piece.\n  You should let you fiancé know that you're the one he's marrying and having children with, not that bit*ch of a so called mother of his. If he ever gives you any bull about not being nice to his mom, you need to let him know that if he won't put you first, plenty of men out there would. In that case, you don’t need some mama’s boy anyway; he can just live with his mommy for ever if that’s the case.\n  On the other hand, maybe that mother-in-law to be of yours is just getting used to the idea that she's losing and that you're winning.\n  I wouldn't be surprised if that mother of his, if she's white that is, is a racist; in that case, as long as your fiancé loves you and respect you, just cut her out of the picture. If she's the same race as you, she's just being old fashioned and nevertheless, a stupid bit*ch for you to disregard.\n  So, don't even think about sucking up to her. It's that unpleasant bit*ch that's suppose to show you some respect. Remember, respect is earned, not given. Just because she's the mom of you future husband doesn't mean you're to give in to her stupid game. As long as your man knows better, which I presume that he does, he'd know that he's going to come home to you for years and withdraw further and further away from his "mother" to the point that miserable old witch would regret being a bit*ch to you.\n  So, as long as your fiancé puts you first, you should disregard that miserable old woman and realize that you're winning and she's losing. \n  You have my sympathy. Keep your chin up. That miserable old thing isn't worth your time or emotions. You’re here to make yourself happy, not to make that miserable old fool happy. She doesn’t matter at all. Marry this guy, cut her out of the picture, and be happy!
817359
It actually sounds like your in law problems aren't as bad as some folks.  On his side, if it's pretty much the little sister that doesn't get along with you try developing a relationship with her, take her to lunch, call & chat with her if possible.  Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground.  If his family feels intimidated by your outspokeness, try toning it down around them a little.  Sometimes it can be a real learning experience to just listen to other folks.  It's probably just different communication styles.  Again, just look for as much common ground as you can find.\nOn your side, I think your mom needs to get a grip.  Your husband sounds like he's good to your son - what does your mom want - for you to hold out for the guy whos in jail?  She needs to learn to accept your choice.  Best wishes!
667923
Be the mature one about this situation and put an end to it.  Talk to your husband and tell him that you don't want things to be like they are and you feel that your mother-in-law and father-in-law should come over and have a family discussion.  You start off the discussion by saying to your MIL "I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt...I spoke out of  anger when I said I didn't want to see you again and was just venting."  Then explain to your MIL and FIL that you want the family to all get along but there need to be some changes because it really hurts you when your MIl __________________________________  fill in the blank with what she does that bugs you.  That way everything is out in the open, you apologized and showed you are trying to work things out. (Mind you, in the back of your mind you'll be saying...look B+tch, I'm just doing this to make my husband happy...but, she doesn't need to know that.)  Good Luck.
475908
Treat your spouse with respect and kindness. Be there when needed. Allow your spouse to be who she/he is without trying to change him/her. Your in-laws will think you are the best when you treat their child right.
543074
Mostly, your future mother-in-law will just need someone who will listen.  Just let her express her feelings as she has to grieve over love and marriage lost.\n\nFor those who are telling him to get his future \nmother-in-law in line, that isn't what the question was.  Don't you read?  Also, not all mother-in-laws are interfering and, contrary to stereotyping, many men/women love their mother-in-laws.  Makes me wonder how the young can be so jaded that they assume all mother-in-laws fit the phony stereotype.  Grow up!
191627
Man, throw 'em away! You don't want your mother-in-law to know your an alcoholic.\nBesides, she might want to drink yer stash for the morning.
454139
Start by gently letting her know that she must treat your wife with respect.  Example:  Mom makes a comment about your wife's cooking; you should respond by letting her know that you like your wife's cooking and/or that she worked hard to prepare a meal.  But don't criticize your mom while you do it.  Let her know that you appreciate her as well.  Also, you must NEVER complain to your mother about your wife.  This sets the stage for your mother to complain about her and sets up distrust between your wife and your mother.
267799
I have had 2 mothers in law.  I was equally nice to both at the beginning.  I wanted to make a good impression.  The 1st one HATED me.  But then her son was a spoiled cry baby and she never wanted to give him up.  He's 40 and still lives at home.  The 2nd one LOVES me.  Her son is a MAN.  He treats me well and we have a lovely family.  I think it depends on several things.  Whether the mother has any intention of ever giving up the son.  Whether the son has enough spine to stand up for his wife.  The wife needs to accept "helpful advise" in a kindly way.  Say "Thank you, I'll consider that.  I appreciate your help".  Treat your mother in law how you would wish to be treated.  I think it comes down to what type of person she is.  I thank God for my new mother in law.
552573
My Mother in law is the same way. Does your husband know she does not like you? Does he stand up for you? THAT is what is important. This lady sounds way more than ridiculous. You can't have a car??? She knows she is in control and she is using that to her advantage. She WANTS you to leave your hubby........sounds like her goal is to make you miserable so you leave. Best advice? I KNOW this is hard but be as sweet as pie to her, almost sarcastic sweet. This will get to her more than anything. Talk with your husband, once he sets her strait that he loves you and there is nothing she can do to change that, things will get better! Good Luck
303092
Mothers are often jealous of a son's relationship with another woman since it usually means they are no longer #1 in their son's eyes. On another level she is also jealous of the attention your father-in-law pays to you and she is making sure he doesn't come to like you too much! \n\nSisters often resent their brother's girlfriends and wives, regarding them as "new daughters" that take their parents and brothers attention away from them. Kind of like sibling rivalry.\n\nThese women will settle down in time once they realize you are no threat to their relationship with your husband or their husband/father. Encourage your husband and father-in-law to include one or both of them in the conversations or activities that are making them jealous. Don't let either of the men make comparisons that put you in a better light and provokes their jealousy. For example, if your father-in-law compliments your cooking, then looks at his wife and says, "why don't you ever make that," then you should make some comment about her best cooking to keep her feelings from being hurt. You will see lots of little things like that if you watch for them. Try to smooth them over, and just be the best person you can be. Hold your temper! It will get better in time. \n\nIf it doesn't you will know that you tried your best and just avoid them as much as possible to prevent disagreements and try to ignore the hurtful things they say and do. Your husband will take a hand if they disrespect you too much when he knows you are doing your best to get along with them.
1000847
Talk to your husband and express concern about her "split" personality. I bet she has done the same stuff to him while he was growing up.  Maybe he can give you suggestions.  Or, the next time she is over, confront her in front of father-in-law and husband.  Give specific examples of how she treats you when no one is around and tell her how that makes you feel.  Tell her that her behavior is making it difficult for you to enjoy her presence.  Either she needs to shape up or you will just have to limit her visits.  The other option is to never be alone with her.  But, remember the old saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks"?  I don't think you'll be able to change or without other family members helping.
662922
tell mom-in-law to do things your way in your home or hit the highway...[its your life] make your own choices..
914107
Your husband should have stuck up for you! \n\nBut he was most likely scared to offend his mother by doing so...\n\nI would just put on a happy face in front of her, because when it comes to unruly inlaws--noone wins!
131010
girl, i feel your pain. i have the mother-in-law blues as well.  she shouldnt be so intrusive and pushy. my fiance and i just had a falling out with his mother. our lives are so peaceful when they dont talk. i dont know how close your husband is with his mother, but there are lines you just dont cross and shes just testing you out. i dont know if your a blunt person or not like me, but you and your husband can both say it her so that she understands its the two of you who feel this way. not just you. you have every right to feel uncomfortable about someone knowing your finances and business period. but first talk to your husband before you talk to her. good luck.
1035983
Sorry you are dealing with 2 psychos that don't know their place.  I'd ignore them as much as possible, but I would put my foot down if they tried to run your life. Your hubby is going to deal with them as he chooses b/c they are his family, but I think they need to see that you are not to be messed with.  When you say no, don't waver.  They can leave if they don't like it.  Let them try to manipulate all they want. It's up to you to not allow them to mess with your life.  Your husband will see them for who they are. And he may step up and tell them to back off in private so they save face. But either way, you can't control him or them....just put your foot down.  Good luck. My mother in law is a manipulative witch.  My husband just  wants to move far away from her and gets tired of her behavior, but feels he can't change his mom.  I think he's right.
353550
First of all, when did you guys officially become husband and wife - you made no mention of that in your question.  If your wife is a grown woman and is allowing her mother to act that way, what can you do.  It is sounding like she has given control to her mother.  Check yourself.  Make sure you have not done anything to offend your mother-in-law, if so then get it right.  Try talking to the mother-in-law.  Ask her why she is acting out so bad.  Coming to your job is definitely over the top and you should definitely ask her never to do that again.  Get in touch with your wife.  Explain to her that you cannot go on like this.  Her not coming back on her own is sounding like she doesn't want to be with you.  Ask her point blank what her intentions are.