This is like a game, in which you fill in the form below for fun.\nJust copy and paste, then fill it in.\nI'm Wearing:\nMy Hair:\nI'm Eating:\nI'm Drinking:\nI'm Thinking:\nI'm Wanting:\nI'm Hearing:\nI'm Loving:\nI'm Hating/Mad at:\nI'm Waiting for:\n-------------------\nI'll Go first:\nI'm wearing: Skinny jeans,White socks,Black and red top and black jacket.\nMy Hair: In a Loose bun\nI'm eating: Nothing\nI'm drinking: Water\nI'm thinking: It is soo cool that the bones consists of large numbers of living bone-secreting cells in a matrix made up of protein fibres and calcium phosphate.\nI'm wanting: World peace.\nI'm hearing: Kaiser Chefs, Employment album.\nI'm loving: Science,Friday and that's it.\nI'm Hating/mad at: meh!\nI'm wanting: For my exams to be over!
128590
I'm Wearing: Cut offs, vintage T.\nMy Hair: A mess held back by a hair tie and shades\nI'm Eating: Nothing\nI'm Drinking:Sweet tea\nI'm Thinking:Damn I love nice weather\nI'm Wanting:to go outside\nI'm Hearing:LaRue\nI'm Loving:77 degrees fahrenheit\nI'm Hating/Mad at:my sister\nI'm Waiting for:her to get home so I can kick her a**
86298
I listen to rock, so my life is Sex, Drugs, & Rock N' Roll.\n\nI'm Hispanic, so I must be dirty.\n\nI'm emo, so I must cut my wrists.\n\nI'm gay, so I must have AIDS.\n\nI'm black, so I must be on welfare.\n\nI have long hair so I must be a skateboarder.\n\nI'm skinny, so I must be bulemic/anorexic.\n\nI'm Asian, so I must love math or know kung fu.\n\nI'm a lesbian, so I must live in San Francisco.\n\nI'm Arab, so I must be a terrorist.\n\nI'm a single mom, so I must be a slut.\n\nI'm old, so I probably cant drive.\n\nI'm overweight, so I most likely have a problem with self control.\n\nI'm religious, so I must shove my beliefs down your throat.\n\nI'm from the south, so I must be white trash.\n\nI take anti-deppressants, so I must be crazy.\n\nI wear tight pants, so i must be emo.\n\nI'm a man, so I only want to get into your pants.\n\nI'm a woman, so I must think irrationally.\n\nI'm Irish, so I must have a bad drinking problem.\n\nI'm Indian, so I must own a 7-11.\n\nI'm Native American, so I must dance around a fire screaming like a savage, or be apart of a gaming casino.\n\nI don't live with my child, so I must be a dead beat dad.\n\nI don't have sex alot, so i must be a prude.\n\nI'm a prep, so I must eat and breathe Abercrombie and Fitch.\n\nI'm a teenager, so I must drink and do drugs.\n\nI'm a cheerleader, so I must be a whore.\n\nI'm a punk, so I must do drugs.\n\nI'm young, so I must be naive.\n\nI'm rich, so I must be a snob, conceided.\n\nI wear black, so I must be gothic.\n\nI'm a Lesbian, so all my friends that are girls I must have a crush on\n\nI smell, so I must be a hobo.\n\nI'm a black male, so I must be a thief.\n\nI roll with alot of dudes, so I must be easy\n\nI have a black dad so I must be a hoodlum.\n\nI like to skateboard, I must cause trouble.\n\nI wear only 3 colors, so I must be in a gang\n\nI'm a virgin, so I must not know how to have a good time.\n\nI play video games, so I must not have a life.\n\nI'm a blonde, so I must be dumb.\n\nI'm Hispanic, so I must be illegal.\n\nBottom line is that sterotypes are wrong, and the only way we can get rid of them is to make people aware of them!
227606
How about: I was feeding my dog Hooch when my bra stap (on the left-hand side) got caught on the edge of his dog collar (on the right hand side) and whoops! Whoa there! We were suddenly hooked together.\n\nI reached over my right shoulder to try and unhook us when the telephone, which my dog always runs to answer, rang.\n\nIn running towards the ringing sound he ripped my strap and my other bras being in the wash, I decided there and then on the spot to do an impromtu laundering.\n\nWhile the water was running into the laundry machine, the hose connected to the hot-water tap, jerked lose. Hooch had still been attached to the bra when I threw it in the machine and in tugging to get free,  he pulled the washer off it's base and yanked the hot-water connecting hose from its moorings!\n\nThe water flooded my basement, and my soggy-shirted basement tenant, surged out of it and roared, "That's it! That's the last straw! Look what you've done! I was working on my end of year report cards and now they are toast! You will have to stay home today with me and help me rewrite them. After that, you'll have to find a new tenant to help you out with your gambling debts. Didn't anyone ever tell you that betting on Chicken Little to win it all on American Idol was an extremely dumb idea! And even if it wasn't, you didn't have to get me to help you rob a bank to pay off that loser, MacDougald who only made a lucky stab at Taylor in the first place! Heck, MacDougald, hides his money in an old sock under his bed. The last time he was in a bank, you were in diapers! That's enough hiding out for me! This time, I really am going to tell everybody the truth! And I really did go to Cleveland with you guys last summer!"\n\nAnd that's the reason why I've been away all week! It's also the reason I'll never be away again, no, no, no not ever! Except for maybe ..next Tuesday! You see  my tenant died suddenly yesterday, and I've got his funeral to attend next week. By the way, it's in Cleveland.
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Life Before the Computer\n\nAn application was for employment\nA program was a TV show\nA cursor used profanity\nA keyboard was a piano!\n\nMemory was something that you lost with age\nA CD was a bank account\nAnd if you had a 3 ½ inch floppyYou hoped nobody found out! \n\nCompress was something you did to garbage\nNot something you did to a file\nAnd if you unzipped anything in public\nYou'd be in jail for awhile!\n\nLog on - was adding wood to a fire\nHard drive was a long trip on the road\nA mouse pad was where a mouse lived\nAnd a backup happened to your commode!\n\nCut - you did with a pocket knife\nPaste you did with glue\nA web was a spider's home\nAnd a virus was the flu!\n\nI guess I'll stick to my pad and paper\nAnd the memory in my head\n\nHave you ever considered living in a world without modern technology?  We wouldn't have the personal computer you are sitting in front of now, much less cell phone networks, satellites, weaponry system, or any other device that relies on micro technology.  What would the world be like if all the technology we've developed, discovered, and invented over the last 100 years suddenly stopped working?  This week at school we had a very small taste of what it would be like.\n\nLast Friday, some bright computer technician at our Educational Support Center decided to mess with the domain-level server, and for some unknown reason, the server didn't a like him.  Whoever it was tinkering with the server caused a huge problem: they changed something that made the server "cry."  Unfortunately, computers are very fragile in this regard - they don't yet have the A.I. technology necessary to say "Hey Idiot, that probably isn't a good idea!"  Well, when the domain server went down, the problems just kept on rolling down the hill.  They multiplied - the result of one problem causing another because of network dependencies - and ended up shutting down the entire district's network access\n\nI hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
188715
You're a pain in the @ss!\n\nYou are so gutless!\n\nThat's constipated thinking!\n\nThe gall of that person!\n\nDigest this!\n\nThat's too much to swallow!\n\nI'm salivating over that one!\n\nChew on this for awhile!\n\nThat's something you can really sink your teeth into!\n\nThat took a real bite out of my wallet!\n\nHe's a gas!\n\nBest wishes!
241231
Great! There is a need for some correction, here is my suggestion:\n\nIch habe viele Hobbys, von Musik-hoeren zu Fussball-spielen. Aber meine liebling Hobby ist schwimmen. Und warum? Weil es ist der groesste Sport das gibt. Wenn jemand schwimmt, sie macht gebrauch von alle seine Muskeln, und viele Kalorien werden verbrannt. Beim Schwimmen, man verwendet eine spezielle Atemtechnik, welche die Lungenkapazität verbessert. Ausserdem ist das Schwimmen auch ein Lebensretter. Die Fahigkeit schwimmen zu können ist nutzlich in Gesundheit sowohl auch als Lebensretter.\n\nGood luck on your exam.
398030
Face like a bulldog liking p*ss off a nettle!\n(if you're talking and you get your words mixed up) - Another spoke like that and i'll have a wheel.\nYou look like the back end of a bus.\nI'll rip off your head and sh*t down your neck.\nYou fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.\n(burp) - Pardon me for being so rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below.\nThere's a party in my pants and you're all invited!
534656
Read "Cool book of Insults". I don't remember the author though.\nE.g. "If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week!"\n"Why don't you go home and brush up on your ignorance?"\n"I don't know what it is that makes you stupid. But whatever it is, it works."\n"When you leave school, you should become a bone specialist. You've certainly got the head for it."\n"Are you really bald or is your neck just blowing a bubble?"
227144
"Brilliant school." Now there is an oxymoron.\n\nEDIT: I'm sorry. I suppose that was rude and cynical. Tell me about your brilliant new school.
87219
I quite like FatherMartin's answer so I'm going to claim it was my idea and simply go with that. Done. (joke)\n\nI really did like his answer though... OK, first of all, I'm not having a last supper. I'm having a last brunch. Make it all nice and sunny and cheery to keep everyone assembled in a positive, upbeat mood. I'd serve a wide-ranging buffet of hot and cold breakfast stuff, the more filling, the better. Oh, and plenty of fresh fruit. As for beverages, only tea would be served (I would not invite any of those infernal coffee drinkers) as a hot drink. Otherwise there would be a variety of fruit juices and bottled water. OK, milk for the kiddies to make cereal with since they don't appreciate a proper, hearty breakfast. Right, and some booze available for those who need the comfort of alcohol as they contemplate my impending demise. I won't imbibe, as I wish to be clear-headed when I'm heading off to the gallows.\n\nEntertainment would mainly involve a really good playlist of my favourite music (details to be provided elsewhere). I might ask my little brother to reunite his college band and have them play a wee show... assuming his bandmates are still alive and/or not serving time in prison. (joke) I would also give a parting speech which would be equal parts poignant (oh, I can do this, believe me) and humourous (I'm far funnier outside of YA, especially in real life, and I've yet to figure out why I'm so comparatively serious and intense in here). The desired effect would be to leave my assembled guests laughing and crying, but mostly laughing. I would of course add a disclaimer to the effect that anything I said had absolutely nothing to do with me! (that one's for Patz)\n\nOK, so finally, who would be there? The guest list is the key to this whole endeavour, isn't it? I've thought about this and decided I wouldn't restrict it to close friends and family only. They would get the best seats, of course. As this would be my swansong, I'd want some representatives of my past, both friend and foe alike. Weird, I know. I'd also want some exes, believe it or not. I've never been married but there are a few ex-girlfriends (at least two of whom could have been Mrs. MacSteed) who I'd feel honoured to have in attendance. I think this is because I'd like to see them again after so long. I'd want to reassure them that they made the right choice (it wasn't me) and I'd like to thank them for ever having loved me. Sad, I know, but if I'm to take your premise seriously and answer honestly, this is something I'd like to do. I'd also like to have some representatives of the (print only) media on hand, perhaps an historian, as well, so that the event could be remembered and recorded in some way. Strange request for such a private man, I know. Anyway, I think that basically covers the guest list... aside from sending invitations to a select few from YA, of course (and yes, I'm saying this in order to win the vote and add 10 points to my totals). ;)
242635
COLOUR\n\nWhen I was born, I was black.\nWhen I grow up, I'm black.\nWhen I'm ill, I'm black.\nWhen I go out in the sun, I'm black.\nWhen I'm cold, I'm black.\nWhen I die, I'm black.\n\nBut you -\n\nWhen you're born, you're pink.\nWhen you grow up, you're white.\nWhen you're ill, you're green.\nWhen you go out in the sun, you go red.\nWhen you're cold, you go blue.\nWhen you die, you're purple.\n\nAnd you have the nerve to call me coloured?\n     - Malcom X
399116
A PIECE OF *ASSS* SO GOOD IT BRINGS TEARS TO YOUR EYES \n\nA teacher asked her students to use the word \n"definitely" properly in a sentence. Lil Susie goes first \nand declares "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher \nreplies "It's cloudy, today Susie ... the sky is actually gray." Bobby goes next by saying \n"The grass is definitely green", to which the teacher corrects him "No, Bobby .... it's late autumn and the grass is actually brown." ...... \nThen Lil Johnny asks a question "Teacher, \nDo farts have lumps in them" ? ........ \nThe teacher gives Johnny a very stern look, \nand says in firm voice "No Johnny, they don't" ! ........ \nLil Johnny replies back "Then I DEFINITELY shitt my pants" ! \n\nLOL
422488
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of\n"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at\nthe question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes\nhis wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the\nanswer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all\ndone whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few\nminutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The\nmoderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the\nexam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers
189174
Do you prefer it grammatically correct to the last detail??? I can't edit it right now. My head's really aching but here's some criticism:\n\n1) lots of fragments... like \n\n\n"And in this way you create an environment that everybody can't easily spoil with their Farsi witticism."\n\n"Second, bring up various and brand new subjects."\n\n""While I was already a member."\n\n2) She (is she a girl or a boy?)used transistional devices such as FIRST, SECOND, but no FINALLY or LASTLY\n\n3) "By the way, I tried writing something in the club and it just wouldn't permit it."\n\nIN REFERRING TO THE CLUB AS AN ACTION DOER, SHE SHOULD HAVE USED "THEY"\n\n"By the way, I tried writing something in the club and they just wouldn't permit it."\n\n4) wrong use of clauses\n\n\ncan't think anymore.my head's killing me...need to take some pills..\n\n\n\ngenerally, I think when she was writing this letter, it took her a very long time before actually finishing it...hmmmm.....
173166
little johnny is at school. the teacher asks. \nif you could have skin of any kind what would it be?\nWilliam puts his hand up.\nWilliam: id have gold skin. I'd go out in the sun and when i peel, I'd melt it down sell it and buy a Porsche.\nteacher: very good.\nPaul puts his hand up.\nPaul: id have platinum, go out in the sun and when it peels, melt it down and buy a Ferrari.\nteacher: very good.\njohnny goes next.\njohnny: I'd have pubic hair.\nthe teacher is confused.\nteacher: why would you want that?\njohnny: well, my sister only has a little bit and you should see the cars parked outside our house.
429626
if you give me a day and a half i will write it for you, it's actually a paper i wrote last semester and got an A- on.\n\ni need to rework it just a bit and i'll post it Friday night. so go out and code up your myspace page or buy some shoes or go drink, whatever, i'll hook you up.
146202
BIODATA:-\nNAME:-FREDDY\nAGE:-18\nJOB:-STUDENT(FINISHED K-12 AND AWAITING RESULTS)\nNOW:-WHILING AWAY MY TIME.\nSEEKING ANY JOB I COULD DO.(TO PASS TIME)\nIS THAT ENOUGH.........\nI SPENT MY VALUABLE TIME TO GET 10 PTS.\nSO DO IT