About a month ago (my birthday as a matter of fact) I went into the hospital with a tubal pregnancy. Needless to say I was in surgery immediatly and hospitalized for 3 days. I was not allowed to return to work for a month. I had no idea I was even pregnant, and I had mixed feelings at the time. I have a steady boyfriend who I have lived with for over a year, I am 27, and sometimes I really want to have a baby and sometimes I think it's best to wait. I have no other kids but I am a sort of step mother to my boyfriend's 7 year old. I am happy with my life but ever since this has happened I have been dealing with feelings of loss secretly. I lost my mom in Dec 2003, and this has also brought back sadness of that as well. I just wish I could snap back out of this funk and go on with living.
131664
Although I don't have the answer you want ... I can relate with your feelings. I don't know if just knowing that you are not alone in this helps or not. I went through almost the same exact situation about 6 months ago and it brought back all kinds of feelings of lose and sadness. I am sorry that you are having these feelings and hope you can learn to cope in some way. I still just push all of my hurt to the back of my mind...some days I am kinda ok and other days I cry at the drop of a hat--I guess its just something you have to carry with you for the rest of your life. Once again i am sorry and wish you the best. I am 31 years old myself with no other children-but hang in there and hopefully things will look up for us both.    :)
478217
How old are your children, I know I felt that way when I had post partum depression....maybe you should talk to your doctor.
191146
I'm 25, already have a baby, I work full time in an international chinese company in Mexico...I'm just so busy all the time. I'm actually wondering if it's gonna be like this for the rest of my life. I wish I could just quit my job to spend more time with my baby before he grows up and doesn't need me anymore. See...I think this is a crisis.
137214
I'm so sorry for your loss.  There is nothing wrong with being sad about the loss of a baby.  You wouldn't be normal if you didn't grieve.\n\nI knew a couple many years ago that wanted a baby real badly.  The wife miscarried several times.  I still remember visiting them in the hospital -- I couldn't say anything, so I just sat on her bed for 20 minutes, held her hand, and then left.\n\nIt took a few months but she slowly returned to her "regular self".   I saw the couple every weekend, and what helped her recovery was:  (1)  Family support (she lived with 2 other relatives in a large home) ; (2) She got busy again, it was a family business.  I think this kept her mind off herself, and onto a regular routine.  (3) We prayed a lot.   \n\nI don't know what you think of prayer -- I know there's the connotation of it being a "last resort" or, wondering if Anyone is actually listening.\n\nBut a huge turning point in my life came when I read this: "For I know the plans I have for you.  Plans not to hurt you, but to give you a hope and a future."\n\nI was amazed the Creator actually had these thoughts for me.\n\n"How precious are Your thoughts towards me, O God.  If I could number them -- they are more than the sand."\n\nWow -- the Creator's thoughts for me are precious.   And they are so many, they are infinite.\n\nYou're having a difficult time, sis.  If you're able, just go out with your husband to a natural place.  Just gaze at how beautiful it is, and don't lose hope.   I know it's hard to read that, when everything seems hopeless.  \n\nI remember when I almost lost my wife -- I lost my temper with her and (GULP!) her parents were staying with us.  They wanted to take her away.  I just thought my world was coming to an end, and that I was falling in a bottomless pit.\n\nI was reading the Psalms, and a verse just leaped out at me.  It held promises.  "I don't feel like anything will change," I prayed.  "But I trust You."\n\nThat was 14 years ago, and I still have my princess.  (She hasn't changed the locks on the front door!)\n\nTry and eat nutritious food.   Fruits, vegetables.  Pure water, and take deep breaths.   Do simple exercises, and take walks.   If you can, listen to a song that uplifts you, and sing those songs.   (Do you have the soundtrack for "O brother, where are thou?"   Excellent bluegrass).\n\nI will remember you in prayer, sis.   And, by the way, the couple I mentioned earlier -- they now have 3 children!
449221
I was pregnant with my 3rd child and already at 2boys and was told my whole pregnancy that I was having a boy and then had to have an emergency c-section and put under but when I came to, I was told I had a beautiful baby girl, I was so happy because I really wanted a girl. After her I got my tubes tied my family was complete!
538792
It's hard living with someone.  I would just leave her alone and focus on trying to keep your stress down.  How far along are you?  It could just be that you're on an emotional rollercoaster, I was (and am) with all my pregnancies.  I'm around your age and 12 weeks pregnant, so if you want to me to kinda be there throughout it you're more than welcome to email me at kalliea923@yahoo.com  I hope all gets better with the living situation, and just remember that nothing lasts forever.  She may get over it soon.
277616
Hi! Sounds as though you might have had a traumatic stay in your mother's womb. Or had a sibling with that problem OR maybe...I hope this doesn't get me into trouble...could your mother have had a miscarriage or abortion that you didn't know or maybe even knew about?
369552
i had a miscarriage myself and yes it is normal to mourn b/c it was still a baby, no matter how far pregnant you were. it will take a while for you to get over the pain, but just know that god took it for a reason !!!!! my thoughts and prayers are with you.
593961
My husband and I at the same point in our lives..I am 37 and he is 36...My clock is almost finished ticking...I too am scared....(I don't understand why especially when 17 and 18 year old are having babies).   I find it especially hard when my friends and I get together...they all talk about their children and well I talk about my two dogs...I do feel uncomfortable...at times.  I think about having children on and off....I always put it off by saying it's not the right time or 'I say next year'...  I am happy at this point in my life and not sure after 17 years of marriage that a child would be a good idea...I just don't know...My husband says he does not want any children...but I do know he would make a great father....It is a hard choice  that I need to make quickly and I will have to make it soon  or time will run out....
1974
wow, sorry to hear about your girl, thats sad. I dont know why you cannot tell the difference but maybe its because you are in a lot of pain right now and you feel like you are hurting all over.  Again I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope things start looking up for you soon! :)
381827
I don't want to bring your spirits down. my mom tired for 3 years from I believe 37.... had 4 miscarriages.. then finally concieved at 40.. and had her baby at 41... so I guess it just determins on your overall health. GOOD LUCK! Everyone deserves to be a mom.\n\nby the way, this was her 5th child.
165080
I was recently diagnosed as well.  I would only take medication that my doctor gave me.  Please be careful about what you take.  If you are trying to concieve, taking something dangerous will increase your risks of pregnancy loss, birth defects, etc.  Talk to your doctor about any questions you might have.  It is very important that you stay in close contact with him/her.  \nThe lost feeling does get better.  There  will be times when it hurts so bad you can't stand it, and then there will be times that you're okay.  Eventually, you have more good days than bad.  \n\nGood luck.
127636
I am feeling for you today - I lost two people, unrelated back to back last Wed and Thursday..its been brutal its been one of the worse weeks of my entire life and I too am feeling..have I done enough?? And yes..I have...\n\nAll you can do is be there for him. Talk to him, or dont talk when he doesn't want to. You can call him and ask how he is doing, you can take him to dinner and take his mind off of it and give him a sense of normalcy and a few minutes of a reprieve from the sadness, you can bake a lasagna and bring it to his house so he doesn't have to worry about cooking..\n\nBut believe me - your friendship is enough. that you are caring and going through it with him..\n\nMy friend who lost his in utero baby at 5 months said to me..We are on the first rung of the grieving ladder - at the very top..and you are right behind us on the second..\n\ndamn straight I am..I'm holding their legs and keeping them steady on the first rung and will catch them if they go to fall...as will you with your friend.\n\nJust be there..its enough. take care and hang in there.
640532
Just reading your question you sound like a wonderful person..first you gave up a good job but your priority was your baby (who you love more than life itself) and your husband is happy with you and your kids love you..couple of questions?..has it been very long since you had your baby?..could you be suffering from post-partum depression?..Could you just be depressed?..Please talk with your doctor about your concerns..So much about our lives today are busy and as women we are caregivers. We ignore our needs. Your feelings   and thoughts may be a chemical imbalance in your brain (you have no control of) often just talking with a mental health clinician can help you pinpoint why you have those feelings and how to re-direct them or change your focus..Be happy (I know how simple this sounds) Sometimes the money becomes the focus and it doesn't let you see how important your family and your life is..I wish you the very best.. Let this new move be a new start for you and your family..sounds exciting but busy...
222876
For every person that answers this question, the answers will be guided strictly to the left or to the right, or down the middle.  As a health care provider who has worked in pediatrics for a number of years, I have witnessed some devasting interruption of life to both child and mother.  I have seen cases that I felt that abortion should have been an option--when a child of 10 or 11 gives birth--many times resulting in premature birth with mental and physical retardation of the baby.  In one particular case the mother was 12 when she gave birth, the child died at birth and was resuscitated.  The baby ended up living to 6 months of age, with a feeding tube, and contracted (the whole body was stiff as a board and could not be moved), and severe brain damage.  The mother's mother tried to "help", she was alcohol and drug dependent, and unintentionally kept yanking out the feeding tube.  She would call our local hospital, who would call the doctor and we would meet her at the office and replace the tube.  The baby died of pneumonia in the hospital with the mother and myself there and she allowed me to hold him as he struggled to die as he had stuggled to live.  I felt blessed to see and hold his tiny body give up the spirit of life and find God's blessing in death.  His mother at that time had just turned 13 and was 4 months pregnant.  \nAs a woman who is infertile who prayed and begged for a child for 15 years (I'm 44 now), through pregnancy or adoption, I also become emotionally upset at the thought of terminating a pregnany unless medically needed.\nSo, to sum how I feel up:  each person must answer and live with the decision they make (or has been made for them).  However, I very much BELIEVE that anyone should be forgiven for a mistake in a first pregnancy, but after conception the first time, there is no mistake to end up pregnant.  It's time to grow up irregarless of age.
585484
Talk to your parent's about it and weigh your options.. If you really feel you can not support a baby at this point in your life think about giving it up for adoption. There are many willing family's out there that can't have childern.
135998
There is no greater loss than that of losing a child. I have not experienced it myself, however a few friends have due to drownings, illnesses, and car accidents. The feelings you are having must be very common because all of them experienced the same thing. The woman had a strong desire to have another child and the husband....the protector and provider was very hesitant.\nI don't know how they did it sir. But, each of them had another child and they are the best parents I have ever seen. They don't worry about the small stuff. They enjoy life and their children to the fullest. They find so much joy in their family.\nGod bless you and your family.