How can a couple, who have already agreed to divorce amicably, explain this to their 3 year old child? What effects will moving from the family home have on the child, and how can this be minimised?
126061
There is a phenomena called infantile amnesia that makes most memories from age three and less disappear.  However, I wouldn't count on that.  Tell the child that you and your husband won't be living together anymore but she'll still get to see daddy very often.  Past that, the only other information you should give her is direct answers to direct questions.  Try to keep it to facts and not emotions as young children do not understand complex emotions so it would be unfair (and possibly traumatic) for you to try to make her understand emotions.
603765
Ouch.  Sorry to hear.  Age doesn't make your parent's divorce much easier.  Things will be difficult, but try to stay neutral and take it one day at a time.  Give yourself permission to be hurt, disappointed, mad, etc.
660603
http://www.divorcetoday.com/dt_NYdivorceLaw.html\n\nHave a look at that link.  Page down until you get information about children.  Good luck!
401193
THE ONLY ONES WHO ARE GOING TO BE AFFECTED BY THEIR DIVORCE ARE THEIR CHILDREN !!!\nI FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE 2 (TWO) KIDS FOR HAVING THOSE LAME IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTS !!! :(
232197
Being a child of divorce myself, I know that it is a painful process for all. But you need to be the hero and help your children recover from the process. Divorce is not the end of the world. There are kids out there who have no parents so your children are lucky and you should be lucky to have custody of them. \nMy brother and I were angry at my father for my parents' divorce. We didn't see him during our adolescent years cause my mother poisoned our view of him. We lost about five years and we hated him and really had no idea why. When I was 18, I started to contact my father behind my mother's back cause I needed him in my life. It's almost 15 years later and my brother and I keep constant contact with our father. You see, time really does heal if you help along the way. I'm still learning and forgive and understand my father's reason's for leaving. I grew up to realize that he wanted to keep contact with us but we shut him out.\nChildren see things differently than adults. It takes the experiences of adulthood to understand the motives of the parents. Adult problems are adult problems and very difficult for a child to understand. And sometimes children blame themselves for the divorce.\n\nDon't let your children do the same to your wife. Teach your children the reasons why you fell in love with her in the first place. Tell them about times she did special things for them. Just give them something so they can learn to forgive her in their hearts. Forgiveness is the best medicine for moving on with their lives. Holding a grudge will just make your children grow up angry and resentful. Your children just feel rejected and their spirits need to be revived. Letting them dwell on this without proper counselling can make them depressed. I was a depressed teenager and you don't want that on your hands.  \nI don't think that divorce is taught as the best option unless the situation cannot be fixed. \nAs for child support, perhaps you should get the courts involved. It is not fair that you are put in this situation but you are the only one they have now and you must be the one to bring up their spirits. Teach them new things. Take them on outings like camping, the beach or the park. Get them active and enjoying life. \nThe last thing you want is for your children to resent you when they are older cause you didn't act on this.\nAs for disadvantaged, I don't think your children are. In the 80s when I was the only child in my class with divorced parents, that was disadvantaged. I was teased and belittled cause of it. Today it's common and there are more support systems out there. And you have the choice to allow them to be disadvantaged in life by not acting on the problem.\nJust know that your children need you and you are lucky to have each other. And show them the good things that life has to offer them. Good luck!
435031
Is the permission in writing or recorded on any court documents? If not then while I will say it is highly unethical for him do this I would say what permission??  I would be very uncomfortable letting my son move 200 miles away with a man I don't know. Also.. the visitation needs to get worked out BEFORE the move. Get it all in writing and notarized. That way if things go bad between your fiancee and his ex and it all goes to court you'll at least have that much to work with.  good luck!
388995
Good question.  I "divorced" members of my family when they crossed the line with my children.  I haven't talked to my sister in 4 years.  And I don't miss her a bit.  \n\nYou need to decide what your limit is.  My limit was a family member harming my child.
650518
Oh,Honey do I know how u feel!I am going through the same thing as I write.In fact I go to court this Thursday.Let me tell ya,it's very,very hard to deal with.Whether u did something wrong or not doesn't make it any easier.I'd like to tell u about my situation and how I deal with it,but this site does not allow enough space.If you want to talk more about it e-mail me @ kalasmom3@yahoo.com Or IM me @ either yahoo messenger or AIM.I'd love to try to help.Maybe we can help each other.Also,since I have almost 18 months in one child's being gone and 7 years in the other maybe I can offer some advice on how to fight to get them back.oh,my screen name on AIM is turntheclkbac.
208240
The effects on children can be bad IF parents act stupid. Remember, they are getting the idea that this is a "normal" relationship. Both parents must NEVER speak negatively about the other parent, no matter how much they can't stand the other one.  The children love both parents and do not want to hear it.  They will not be brainwashed into not liking one parent better.  I've seen it backfire where the child begins resenting the negative parent because they are saying bad things about the other parent.  The children must know they are loved by both parents, and the divorce has nothing to do with them.  Even if you think they know it, reinforce it as much as possible.  Hopefully, the parents will put on a positive, united front for the kids' sake.  Never discuss child support issues in front of the children.  It is not their business and not their responsibility. It can be okay when both parents work together for the best outcome for the kids (i.e. putting the kids before themselves!!).
425119
DEFINITELY discuss with your lawyer, but... \n\nRegardless of joint cutody or not, your ex will have say in whether you can move.\n\nIf you can PROVE hardship if you do not move, then the court is more likely to approve, but you must also then be able to PROVE your move will not cause financial hardship to your ex. \n\nif you believe you might move out of state, have this written into your papers NOW!\n\nDo not leave it to chance when the time comes. \n\nMy ex and I split and she moved out of state with my two daughters, but I agreed to the move and thus avoided a long court battle. \n\nProtect yourself, and consider what is best for your child...period. \n\nHope that helps.
437827
<sigh> I really can understand where you are coming from.  I was in a marriage for 15 years before I moved out.  I made a painful decision to leave my boys with my ex-husband because he was in the Navy; steady income and secure residence, whereas I didn't know what would be my plight if I took them with me.  I worked two jobs, saved my money and finally managed to move into my own apartment nearby.  The boys thought it was fun to visit me on weekends "to get away from Dad."  Things actually worked out for awhile.\n\nThe thing is, you have to look at your situation and see what it is you are financially, mentally and emotionally capable of.  The arguing is not good, especially if the kids get involved.  This is what motivated me most to leave my ex.  He and I were arguing over the most ridiculous things and it was affecting the boys.  I talked with them and asked them how they felt about my leaving, getting secure with finances and bringing them with me once I'd gotten myself "steady" and they told me I should do what I needed to do to be happy.\n\nI had family but I didn't want anyone to know my marriage was ending, so I did everything on my own.  It took time and sacrificing.  I did have one friend who supported me in my decision and was someone I could talk to, which helped me get through the frustration of an ending marriage.\n\nWhile you go through this, if you could find a local service that could assist you, try to avoid confrontations with him, even if it means your not going "out."  These battles will affect your children and someone should take precautions to avoid that as it is just unnecessary.  \n\nIn hind sight, I wish I had waited until my boys had graduated high school because now, they bring it up and hold me accountable for the things that have gone wrong in their early adulthood life.  I'm not telling YOU to wait.  You have to research this within yourself and make the best decision for both YOU and the children.\n\nI wish you the best - this is a hard road to travel and no one person has the answer.  Be patient - you will find that answer within yourself soon enough.
411927
She will have to prove to the courts that she and the daughter would be better off moving. Most courts won't look kindly upon her picking up and moving without a guaranteed job wherever she is moving to. Tell her to get her ducks in a row, then issue a written 30 day's notice to the father outlining the wheres and whys of the move. If he fights it, she'll at the very least be equipped with a good arguement.
168269
It's unfortunate that there is a third person involved because he is going to blind her and confuse her thinking.  You really need to remind her to think about the children.  This person she is seeing is not going to take her serious with two children; I just can't see that happen.  Definately discuss this issue with her as well.  She is being extremely selfish; I don't know what led you to seperate but either she wants a divorce or she doesn't.  Talking to another person is a terrible idea if she wants to make things work out with you and you have to put your foot down and asap.  Best of luck to you!! OMG!
276951
Not sure why the other kids live with dad, but you got to answer what you want first, then it's maybe what he wants, as long as it agree's with your wish's, it's your body, your life.  I assume separated means not divorced, that could make things kind of messy come court time yes?
491087
I'm divorced, with 2 kids of my own, that live with me, and I'll tell ya, until HE is right with himself, there is NOTHING you can do.  He has to figure out what the deal is himself.  And you may need to find an alternative.
57891
I think that depends (No, I am not positive about this) on the terms outlined in your divorce decree regarding visitation rights for your husband. Does your divorce decree say anything about how many miles away you can take your child to live from his father?  If this move would be further away than what is allowed by the terms of your divorce, I think you would be required to go back to court and ask that it be amended, and your ex could appeal it.
399754
I don't know your age, but at a certain age the kid is allowed to decide. You should tell your mom your feelings, or if you go to court again let them know. I'm sorry you're going through a divorce ): It's tough. Good luck