Her family only consists of around 50. Ours consists of around 75-80. He is only allowed to invite 50 in which there will be hard feelings in our family over this if some of them are not invited. He is also paying for part of the weeding with her mother and her.  What is the proper way to handle this?
134480
I'm planning a wedding and dealing with a mother-in-law... \n(and we're in a similar situation)\nIf you want more people to come offer to pay for them!  I konw traditionally it's the bride's family that pays for the reception and all that... but if you would really like to have a few more of your family members there then I'd say offer to pay and talk to them about it.  It's a lot to ask for an extra 25-30 people.  That can be thousands.  \n\nAlso, Your son is a man.  Let him handle it.  But if you decide to get involved don't do any passive-agressive stuff cause that can get between him and his fiancee.  I'm sure if he had a problem with it he'd speak up.\n\nMy future MIL is always blaming me when anything dealing with her son is to her disliking.  They are adults making decisions and plans together.  Speak with them about it and make sure that you view them as doing this together.\n\nAnd this is just my 'blah blah blahing' but please try to make sure that you're not expecting too much from your son's wedding.  It is his wedding and his fiancee's  wedding.
629293
Turn her a_s in. By doing nothing you are feeding the problem and by not ratting her out you are allowing one more bum the ability to dig into our pockets. The fewer people we have to support the more we get to keep for our families. Let the Welfare fraud line know that she is living with a man that makes enough to support her and her 3 kids; they will investigate and act if necessary.
630016
It is your house you have the right to set limits.  And since there are children involved, I say ABSOLUTELY give her the boot.  This is not healthy behavior and could be damaging to your children.  Tell her she is a grown woman and needs to stop acting like a lovestruck teen and deal with this in a mature fashion, and in her own home!
631558
Well she should definately go to citizen advice bureau, she'll get good advice from them.\nIf she isn't entitled to the extra she should take it from the childs allowance, clothes allowance etc. She should tell him they have to last longer as she can't afford to buy now because HE has got himself excluded and costing her extra money. She must teach him to take responsibility for his own actions. If he wants to re-gain this clothes allowance, or pocket money or whatever she takes, then he has to get a job to pay her.\nHe is old enough to work, my eldest wanted extra money as I struggle. She got a job to buy herself what I couldn't afford and it was the encouragement for three of my others too. They love their independance and the thought of earning for themselves too. They also appreciate things more now because THEY HAD TO WORK FOR IT!!!!!\nHe has to learn to grow up, she is the perfect teacher to give him that push!\nGive her my wishes, and God Bless YOU for being a thoughtful friend to seek advice.
38371
I am going through the same dilemma with my fiance's cousin. You should not have to pay more because technically even though the rooms are the same size you don't actually have equal amount of space because you are sharing a room with 2 other people and she has a room to herself. Tell her to stop trtying to get over and pay the $100. If she doesn't like it then tell her to get her own place. You have a faamily to support and she's just supporting herself. Don't let her pull that crap on you.
477161
Sometimes, blood is NOT thicker than water. Your are his wife, and now become #1, in his life, along with children, if you have any.\nGoodness, what going on, it's a wonder that you both have not just said\n"enough is enough", and shut them out of you lives. Your husband is in agreement with you.\nWhy not discuss it with you husband, and tell him how you feel.\nYou do have to be rude to his mother, and stup to her level!\nSure, they keep ringing......They want you both to help them now.....\nWhat were they thinking before...that you both would just forget, and forgive?\nAsk you husband, if you can politely say.....Thank you for the birthday wishes,\nhowever, we have a life of our own now. I am sorry, but our hands are tied,\nand we cannot help you in any way....something like that.....\nLet your husband speak to them also.  No way, you both have made a life, without them,and put up with all the abusive language from them....\nTell them to move into the property that was put in the daughters name.\nDo not feel guilty!!!!  and do not change your lives, not with that kind of in-laws.\nGo girl, and your husband.....do not put up with it....you both only live once, and its Your Life and Your husbands!!!!
278128
The time is now to learn some lessons about growing up and things that come in time. Like more pay. I had exactly the same problem just the other day. My son who is 13 has been helping his aunt get the gardens ready on the weekend. His little sister who is ten also came along though not to help. She ended up doing some work (pulled a few leaves and chased the dogs) and was paid five dollars. Her brother got 15 as he did a lot of hard work. She just went ballistic lol. My fiery little girl. I sat her down and explained that he being older has that privilege because he can do more than she can. That it is not her fault she did a good job for her age. She was still not too happy but the next day she said it was OK and that next year she will earn more money than her younger brother too. That would not be hard so far he is at 0. Paying them the same would not be fair to either of them in the long run, but this is just my opinion.
641271
The situation to me is whether or not she is able to do stuff.  If she has medical issues, does this prevent her from being able to do basic stuff?  If not, then it comes down to what you and her son are willing to put up with.  You have two possible solutions.  First is to sit down with her and lay it all out for her.  Her son has to be behind this also, because it won't do to have you saying one thing and her son saying something else.  Let her know that she will be required to do her own laundry, assist with cooking and /or dishes, she will be asked to help clean around the house.  If she cannot, or will not, assist in these matters then let her know what will happen - she will have to find a new home, she will be asked to leave, she will have to pay rent, etc...  Whatever the penalty or solution that you two come up with to deal with the situation.  Solution #2 would be if you do not wish to live like that - contact the other 2 sons and everyone have a family meeting to decide what needs to happen with 'mom.'  It may be that it is time to find a retirement home for her.  If it is too much of a physical, emotional, and financial burden for you to take on - then the entire family should get involved.  It doesn't mean you don't care for her, but you can't live your life around her entirely either.
646754
who lives closer? You or her parents?  It is hard to split things sometimes but if they are closer well all you can do is move so things are more even.  I see my husbands side of the family more than my own because when we come home for holidays they want us home so much they pay for it.  My family doesn't help with a dime unless I come right out and ask if they will then I hear this hour long story on how things are tight bla bla bla....\n\n\nJust talk to  your son and find out why he spends more time with them.
63316
you know what is best for you. your mother might be a pain in the a** how ever she just lost some one close to her and she needs you and your family more than you know. for now think of her for a little while then you can do what is best for you. even though we all know how mother in laws can be you can do it hang in there heath.
30832
This is a family issue. You know you are innocent so, I would allow your mom to know whats going on. Yes even your father. They can be your greatest allies here. Sometimes parrents can be a true blessing and in this case, maybe MOM has a few tips up her sleeve that can really help. After all she was once your age and had her best friend too. I would goto them with everything and let them in on it. That way your relationship to your folks is greatly inhanced and they may even have the solution you need. Its worth a shot.
51743
girl, i feel your pain. i have the mother-in-law blues as well.  she shouldnt be so intrusive and pushy. my fiance and i just had a falling out with his mother. our lives are so peaceful when they dont talk. i dont know how close your husband is with his mother, but there are lines you just dont cross and shes just testing you out. i dont know if your a blunt person or not like me, but you and your husband can both say it her so that she understands its the two of you who feel this way. not just you. you have every right to feel uncomfortable about someone knowing your finances and business period. but first talk to your husband before you talk to her. good luck.
542697
The only thing she is entitled to is money for his daughter, your house and other things have nothing to do with her.  Is he paying her through the CSA?  If it is just a causual arrangement then she could ask for more money if it hasn't been properly set out.  But remember if the CSA get involved I'm sure your husband to be will be made to pay at lot more so try to keep it as amicable as possible with his ex as you really don't want the CSA involved.
597917
In my opinion your husband is totally wrong in his train of thought. This is not fair to you at all. His dad and step mom disrespected you and hurt your feelings and he needs to open his eyes and see it for what it is. He should not come down on you for not wanting them at your home. If you are not welcome in their home then why does he expect you to open your home to them? You are absolutely justified in being upset over this. It is almost like he is showing that they are more important than you are. It is a shame because this is going to hurt the kids. I mean really, don't they want to be at the hospital to welcome the new life you are giving them? They should just stop being petty and drop it for the sake of the kids and the family. Family members are going to exchange words, that is part of being family. You learn to forgive and forget or at least overlook it. I think you should stand your ground with your husband and tell him he needs to have a talk with them. If they come to your house full of animosity there is a good chance they will ruin your daughter's party. The focus should be on her, not them.
331582
an only child.. well I understand it now... Mom is dominering and controling.. that simple.. I have a very close relationship with sons.. but I would never dream of going as far has this mom.. YES, an account of her own is the answer, for now... does she NOT have income ?? would she have nothing with out sons support ?? those are questions that need to be addresed also... I am sorry to say, but a mother n law as you are discribing could and prob. will create more problems than you realize... you better get busy getting a few things straight... before the ring goes on !!!! MOM needs a life..... God bless
611821
You cannot use his mother's name on the invitations. She passed away. Be nice to the father's new wife and include her. \n\nWho are inviting the guests? If it is the bride's parents - the groom's parents or the couple itself? Being that you have three children allready, I presume you are inviting the guests? If so; how about letting your children invite?\n\nWe are so happy to see our parents (finally)marrying so and so where and when. We would love to see you blablabla so and so.\n\nGood luck!
249906
Wow, This is alittle complicated.  I would only say something if it's really effecting your husband and you. I don't know that it's your place and the family may think you're just creating extra drama. You don't want that. Also, this isn't an excuse but she is 16 after all. She's not an adult yet. She doesn't have the life experience you do. If you want to talk with her as a friend that's one thing but if you just want to tell her to get her act together.. I don't think it's a good idea at all. \n\nYour hubby knows his family best and there is probably a reason why he's not saying anything. With saying that if she's not disrespecting you in your home or whatever.. There's really not much you are going to be able to do about it. I seriously think that saying something will cause extra drama for this family. Allow them to figure it out.