We've been married for 6 years now,unfortunately we never get pregnant.I've been through on test and it come out positive.My husband has this fear going to have check up "when ego gets to you"afraid to find that he cant or EGO thing.We both in mid 30's I would like to have children and he does too but how can we, if he does not wanted to put effort to do this.I'm getting cold feet I love him but i want a child (dont want to adopt unless he gets check)what should I do/ please help:(
121523
Well you can't force anyone to do what you want them to do.  Sometimes when you try so hard to accomplish something, like having a child, it becomes harder to do.  I think instead of worry about getting pregnant, worry about what makes the two of you happy.  Let it ride and relax and don't make love making a task.  God will bless you.  As for him getting check, most men don't want to believe that they might be the problem.  So ego is a factor.  But you have an ego too, that is something that is driving you to have this child.  Pride can be very destructive in an relationship and that is something the two of you may consider seeking help on.  Here is a question you need to ask yourself.  Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with???  Was having a baby a conditon of this life long happiness???  If you can answer these questions, it might help you in dealing with your current situation.  Remember, for better of for worse, through sickness and health, til death....\n\nGood Luck and I'll pray for you\n\nWT
228482
Sounds like if he doesn't want the baby he will leave anyhow. I would kinda get ready for that. He might surprise you afterwards the first time he lays eyes on his son or daughter..You being pregnant you do not need any unwanted stress..I would get my support ready, family, friends, ect and go on with my life and get ready for the most beautufil thing in the world.
270850
I think people are misunderstanding what you are trying to say. Perhaps a language barrier yes?\nYour husband is smart, but you are smart also.\nI know you are trying to say you are being a faithful\nwife and you want to be a perfect wife for him. Also you may be trying to say he should not be suspicious because you are trying to be the best wife.\nThose are real feelings you are experiencing.\nA thing called a womens intuition. Sometimes if he is suspicous of you its because he is a suspicous person himself. Your are married only one year to get to know him.\nGoing out 3 years does not give much of a chance to really know a persons habits. Age is another factor too. Let him go his path for now. He is not in the building stage of your relationship. He is not doing things to make you both grow as a couple. He as to value marriage. He has to change his ways now. You have to encourage him to not let it continue to go his separate way. It is not the same path. If you suspect him more you have to say to him not to bring home social disease. Get it out now and begin healing and loving. Ask him why did he marry if he still needs to stray (wonder like a cat).\nYou value marriage and you want it to work out, patience is most likely one answer. Good Luck.
52607
How does he feel? That is perhaps the most important question here. Since you are pregnant, your baby coming from a broken home is going to be determined by your relationship with this boy. If he is agreeable to it, why not make a commitment to raise your child together by getting married? Normally 18 is a bit young to be getting married because people change a lot from 18 to their mid-twenties and since for most of us that is the age that we get our first taste of freedom, this could spell disaster when we realize that our husband/wife has a right to be involved in our life to a great extent. This can feel like a lack of freedom. Also, having a baby can make people feel trapped, especially males. It will be hard but if you two are in love and he's a good guy, know that statistically you would be doing the best thing for your baby if you were married. \nTry to give to your partner instead of only giving as much as your partner does. Tell him about that resolve. Giving can be very contagous but so can being hurtful. A loving word can stop anger dead in its tracks in a marriage. It takes two to fight but only takes one to defuse a bomb. Try to make your first instinct to defuse the situation. Take care of all 3 of you, and I hope our e-opinions help you.
222817
At first I was going to answer that you can never convince him, but then I remembered I was the same exact way.  We waited and waited for the right time.  Guess what, the right time never comes.  There is always an excuse.  If it was clearly a stated goal of the marriage, it is time to stop waiting and get on with it.  Put your foot down.  Now, here are a few things to convince him.  \n\n1)  It took us over a year for my wife to get prego.  \n\n2)  Once you have the kid your life stops as you know it.  It takes years and years before you can start living as adults again.  The longer you wait to have kids, the older you are when you can start having fun again.  People without kids never realize this.  You have years of diapers, puke, illness, and finding a sitter.  If we had started earlier, we'd be almost free by now.  Draw him a time line, does he want to be 40 and free from kids or 50?
426279
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! I am in the same situation. Don't let him pressure you, its not fair, your sweet little girl hasn't even been out of your stomach longer than she was in! How can you feel "normal" yet? My daughter is 5months and I am SO TIRED, the LAST thing on my mind is sex, we are down to maybe twice a week, from at least once every day before I was pregnant. Talk to your husband about how you feel and explain to him that you love him and to be patient with you. You'll get back in the game, don't worry.
585603
the fact that your husband is that controlling is kind of scary i must say....what happens if you leave the house anyway? i mean are you scared of him?   ......that is disturbing....you should go and do what is healthy for you and your baby....**** your husband if he is endanging the health of you and your baby
148470
First I must ask you. did you marry your husband out of Love? Second and I'm asking this because I was raised LDS(Mormon) And sex was very forbidden but we did kiss Didn't you ever Kiss? If you did didn't you notice his lack of arousal? It sounds as if he has no physical problem, but a mental one. I say that because I know how it is to be raised in a religion that believes sex is bad, It is a sin to want to make love to a women unless it is for procreation and therefore it is wrong to let yourself succumb to natural desires. My Father was a Mormon Bishop (God rest his soul) We had this discussion over sex many times. I asked him how God felt about it and his answer was always, What goes on in the bedroom between husband and wife stays in the bedroom. But you have not said if you and your husband ever talked about having children. Maybe he he is afraid of that or maybe and excuse me for saying this, but maybe he is Gay?  I've given you my answers and I don't think you are wrong for wanting to get out. A man and a woman need to have the same goals. It sounds like the problem is with your husband even if he can't get an erection there is other ways to please you. I tried to not be to gross. Hope I was able to help. God bless and you take care. Reed wrwoodall@yahoo,com
287895
You really have to follow your heart on that one, my friend!  Before I met my husband, I opted to stay single for MANY years, because I just couldn't be bothered with the bs of the dating ritual and all the games that go along with that ride!!  Usually when you are not looking to fall in love is when it hits ya right between the eyes!!  Don't worry about what is right or wrong (or "normal"-whatever the heck THAT is!!) in the eyes of others...as long as YOU are comfortable with your choices, then right on!  As for choosing not to have children....I believe that it takes a more thoughtful person to decide that they do not want to raise children!  Soo many people have children for all the wrong reasons and raising a child is NOT to be taken lightly..it is a lifetime commitment full of many ups and downs.  That is a personal and very private decision that a person makes. I have alot of respect for those who know what they want (and not what they think others want for them)! Good Luck!!
149605
unfortunately it is a normal thing for all marriages to go through exactly what you are describing to us here.\nI say unfortunately, because we all have this GRAND idea what it is to have a baby, but when it actually happens and it is JUST like you described, we all flake out and act like you do..Yes even some dads feel the same way..\nyou need a good support unit around you.\nDO you live near any family at all. they NEED to be brought in to help out... at some time in the day tiem for you, so you CAN go to the gym and have some time to yourself..you NEED to work out for your body ..but also for your mind..this way you will met other girls and talk to them..new friendships, others with the same things going on..or just meet people and talk...\nat night..so you and your hubby can do what ever ( wink, wink ) or go and watch the sun go down then go out to eat...or a movie without worrying about the baby..or the baby interrupting you two at those moments..\nPlease listen to me and do what I ask of you..\nnow if you do not have any family near you..you need to find reliable people you can really trust with your baby for the times I suggested to you..and let them take care of her for you so you can get back on track..\nlastly,maybe you should go and talk to you doctor if after you do what I am asking you to do does not do it for you..\nnow really last..you also need to dress up at home..yes dress up at home for you, but more for him...he needs to see you looking GREAT when he is there..makes him hot for you.\ngive him special attention ( you know what I mean ) you know how guys are..they need more attention than girls do....but do not admit it..\nbuy him a flower, give it to him when the baby goes down for a nap..then..well you know what..make him feel so fantastic ..he will start giving you it back..the ball goes round and round..what goes around comes around..even if you have to work a little harder than normal to get him happy..in the long run he will give you more of what you want and need.\nGood Luck\nand God Bless the three of you
41100
Wow this is a tough one but I know you need help so here's my advise:\nHave sex,but be very cautous about what you're doing because remember that it can bring a child into the world. I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU REALLY THINK THESE QUESTIONS OVER. DO YOU LOVE HIM? ARE YOU WILLING TO RAISE A CHILD WITH HIM? AND POSSIBLY EVEN GET MARRIED JUST IN CASE SOMETHING GOES WRONG?\nWell I think you're gonna have a lot of thinking to do, but please do remember that something may go wrong and you will have to take responsibility for it sooner or later!!!
250188
We always expect people to be as perfect as we think we are.  I have similar issues with my husband.\n\nWe need to remind ourselves of our inadequacies and be real.  Learn to "pick your battles".  Life is really too short and your marriage is too important to battle over things like this.  Let stuff go and see what happens.  Watch the world not end.  I promise you that it will help you relax and it will make things more peaceful.\n\nEnjoy the time you have home with your husband and allow him to be able to enjoy it too! :)
639115
Steph,\n\nI'm sorry to hear how things are turning out.  Someone earlier said you need to copy & paste this question and send it to him.  Basically I agree.  Marriage takes work - sometimes a lot of work.\n\nI wouldn't pretend to know how your relationship was before the pregnancy, but a lot of marriages struggle when the mad, passionate sex starts to subside.\n\nI think it is time you got these issues out in the open in a non-threatening way - not during a fight.  Many couples deal with similar issues - a pro might be a lot of help.  If that isn't practacle, you might start off by being more up-front with him.  Tell him what is on your mind and ask him to do the same.\n\nYou might be surprised by his answers.   Hopefully, you will both reach a better understanding of each other.  It is sometimes tough for a guy to be "involved" but it is a legitimate need you have and one he needs to work to fulfill.  \n\nHe has needs too, do what you can.  My guess is that he will be more receptive to working to please you if he senses you are making a concerted effort to do the same.\n\nAlso, recognize that you both are under a lot of stress.  Marriage, a new baby, job, etc.  It is a to deal with.  You also need to ask him some hard questions about your weight.  Is his love for you conditional on your appearance?  If so, what happens when you get old?\n\nWell, good luck.\nC
284111
Me and my girl had that same conversation. \n\nWe simply decided that we were to selfish to have kids right now.\n\nWe both work full time jobs, love to sleep in, and we love spending time to our selves. We decided that we have our whole life to have kids, but barley even got a chance to enjoy our lives together. I didn't want to struggle with my kid. I want to have a house and give my kid all that it may need, and right now I'm still working on that. \n\nAsk him if he wants to make you happy, and if so waiting a few years will not hurt anybody and it will give you time to learn each other! Your smart to be cautious!
525514
have had the same thing going. might be different reasons. for me - at the bottom of it all - i worked out that i was scared getting pregnant. \nthat is a very short version of a very deep problem. i hope you still might understand and give it a thought
77347
Mabey he could just be nervous about having his first child. Hes becoming a father, and hes at that point in life that he has to become more mature and care for a new life. He could be acting like this also because hes nervous and unsure if he is going to be a good father to the child or not. If not for this reason he could be having some other personal reasons. You should talk to him and see whats up girl.\n\nGood luck and Congrats on your pregnancy!!
627549
This question is not about yourself, but about your husband.  Sadly, it seems that he does not love you. Sure, he has tatoos about you, but those are impulses done in a day.  LOVE is demonstrated a thousand little ways over time.  \n\nYou were unfaithful, and that was wrong. You seem genuinely contrite and remorseful and that is good.  It seems to not be good enough for him. You can offer him no children, and she is a "hot stripper" who says that she is carrying his child.  IF he really IS the father of the baby, he has obligations that he can't ignore, and perhaps that is the part that is wounding you most.  He is now forever attached to her, and with the stroke of a pen, can and will become forever parted from you.\n\nI accept that you are being honest when you say that you love him. Even though he hasn't signed the papers YET, I think he soon will, and that more than anything should show that he no longer loves you. \n\nI have been there, and it is a dark and bitter thing to realize; that you love alone; that you are treated as unforgivable, no matter how hard you try to re-earn trust and forgiveness. From this, I have learned the hurt of infidelity--never again for me. I can only offer that you have a hard road ahead, and that in time, you can turn your heart around. Try to remember that the cause is what you DID, and who you WERE, and not the hopefully better person you are trying to BECOME.  He has moved on, and so must you, for good or ill.  Be gentle with yourself.  Good luck to you and God bless.