My mom passed away on Jan 5,2005 when i was only 12.\n\nI, of course, was very sad but now i find that im hardly think about her anymore. It feels like i hardly even knew her, like she never existed.\n\nIm getting more and more distant from my family; more and more disobedient. What's wrong with me?
135229
There is a book you should read, called "on Death and Dying".\n\nIt describes all of the stages of grief that one goes through when losing a love one.  It really helped me understand what I was feeling and why.  Didn't make me stop hurting but I think it helped me get through some tough times....\n\nI distanced myself from my family as well because I thought that if I did that and something happened to one of them it would be easier to handle, but that was the grief talking and it was really clouded my judgement.  In time I realized that I better get as much time with them as I can because you never know how long you will have them.  \n\n\n\nDon't beat yourself up about how you feel.  I went through the same feelings and I was 27 when my Dad died.
152851
You do have a void in your life. You miss the parents you wish you had. My father passed away more than twenty years go when i was a little girl and i still am having a hard time with it. I don't remember conversations and never got to know him. I miss what i could of had. There is no real getting over it. It's more of accepting the way things are. I know i can't bring him back and it sucks. One thing i read recently i wish i could remember where. The article was about making a patch work quilt in your mind with the people in your life that have the qualities that you would want in a mother or father. Say you have a friend who is really good at listening, that can be a piece of what a mom is to you. Someone else in your life who encourages you is another part of what a mom is to you and slowly you piece together a mother. Instead of getting all of a mom in one person many people end up fill the void that is empty. It will never be the same as the real thing but that is where acceptance is a huge part of learning to cope. You will always miss them and wonder what life would be like with them. I wish i had a better answer for you. Sincerely,if during my journey in finding acceptance with my fathers death i learn something better i will let you know.
623796
When I was nine years old, I snapped out of a deep sleep and whispered, "Grandma's dead." I said it to myself in the dark. About a minute later, the phone rang and all of a sudden, I heard my father crying. I crawled out of bed and pushed open my parents bedroom door and asked my mom if everything was okay. Of course, she lied and told me to go back to bed. The next morning, my parents told me and my younger brother that she had passed on. It was scary to know before I was told and I haven't viewed death the same way since then. I'm twenty five now.
245440
Yes.  My grandmother died on my 16th birthday, and had caused me some uncomfortable situations when I was 15.  About a year after she died I was sitting in the family room watching TV with my parents, and my grandmother appeared to me as a reflection in the sliding glass door window.  No one else saw her but me, and she was looking directly at me with a melancholy look on her face.  I just felt the blood drain out of my face!  I truly believe that she came to apologize for the past and make sure that I was okay.  (She also showed herself to me sitting in the passenger seat of a passing car prior to the family room incident.)  After the family room, I never saw her again.
244058
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.  That in its own way will help you to understand what your mother is feeling, as you were obviously very close.  It's to your mother's credit that she has raised such a kind child in you, and that you are so concerned for her.  \n\nI know how she feels; my father is 86 and will die soon, and it's very hard to know this.  Losing a son is perhaps worse - it goes against the nature of things that your child dies before you do, so your grandmother's death will be easier in that way to accept as we all know our parents die before us - usually.\n\nJust give your mum lots of hugs and affection, and as you say you don't know what to do for her, ask her if there's anything she would like you to do.  But you can also buy her small things to cheer her up - I have a vast reserve of funny books which I read when I'm feeling low, and sometimes it's nice just to lie on the bed with my feet up, having a good giggle when there's no one around!
144267
I was 40 when my mom died. Today I'm 46 and still every once in a while I become very sad and even cry on occasion.  You were only 8 and you are now only 15.  The point I am trying to make is that the death of someone very close to us is difficult no matter our age at the time. But when you are a child you really don't understand all that is happening. Now as you mature and approach your adult life there are probably some issues about your grandfather and/or his death that were unresolved.  When you were 8 you were not prepared to deal with them.  Now you are able to and so your mind is letting them come up again. Our minds are strange things sometimes at night they dream things that scare the hell out of us. At other times they protect us from the things that really will hurt us.  I know that this is troubling for you and feel you need professional help to deal with it. Like others before me, I suggest you seek that help. Your parents and your doctor are good places to start.\n\nHope this helps you and Good Luck!
287497
This past April was the 19 year anniversary of my Mom's death. She had suffered with cervical cancer for the last 17 months of her life and as I watched her suffer through the chemo treatments and the morphine dosages, I found myself praying that God would take her home with Him where I knew there she would no longer be in pain. Although I was there for her as much as I possibly could be and did whatever she needed me to do for her, the suffering was more painful to watch than losing her could ever be. I spent the Friday before her death with her the whole day.  We talked about our childhoods, our adult lives, her sickness, and how I would keep her memory alive for my (future) child(ren) and we laughed and cried together. This period of my life with her were the best and the worst days that I can remember but they are memories I would not have wanted to miss.\n\nI finally had my daughter nearly 4 years later and even though she never met my Mom... she knows her through my memories and knows that Grandma Rose is waiting in Heaven to meet her. \n\nLosing Mom is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and basically I did it alone. The only advice I can give is to pour yourself into something constructive and keep busy and most of all...take it one day at a time. It gets easier and the tears turn from tears of sorrow to tears of joy in the lasting memories you will have even of these final days.\n\nMay God bless you and your family throughout this time and my prayers will be with you.
337492
Thank you so much. My Mom passed away 10 yrs. ago. It's nice to know that there are people who are still thoughtful. God bless you.
600576
Sounds like your mom was the glue holding the family together.  It's understandable that people would fall away from each other after her passing.  It's hard to go about our daily lives knowing that we should be a familly with ALL the family, people should want to spend time with each other and talk about their lives.  At least your not alone.  My husband and his brother recently got into a huge fight with the two of them wrestling around on the floor and somebody getting hurt.  That was a few months ago, and neither of them has even tried to apologize or be the bigger man and just forgive.  It is very frustrating especially when family functions or birthday parties come along and certain people have to be left out.  It is just not fair sometimes.  Just remember you can't change other people but you can decide that no matter what your siblings do or don't do you can control yourself and your actions, and live your life, they'll either come around or they won't, if they do great, if not, forgive them, and move on.
103704
I'm very sorry to hear of the sudden, tragic death of your uncle.  He was obviously very dear to you.\nTry talking with your mother and father about how you feel.  Maybe they can tell you more about the good times they had with your uncle.  If you have any other uncles or aunts, try talking with them too.\nGrief is a terrible thing to endure, but try to remember that your life goes on.  You can best honor your uncle's memory by living your life to the fullest, just like he would want you to do.\nHope this helps, even a little bit.
120594
I lost my oldest son just over 5 years ago.  He was murdered.  I am still not over it & never will be.  The best thing I can tell you is turn to your religion.  That has helped me.  I think God gives us answers on how to go on without our loved ones in everyday things.  Like, this might sound wierd to most, but sometimes I hear (in the back of my mind) my son talking to me or answering a question that I've only asked myself.  I take it as he's giving me advise.  I think I'm living life as my son would have wanted me to live it.  I'm making decisions that if he were here & I'd asked him for his advice, they are ones that he's tell me.  I don't know hon, life goes on & so must we.  Sorry to hear about your loss.  A son, aunt, mother or father, its never easy & nobody has all the answers.  Just take it day by day.  You'll have good ones & bad one.  I've learned to deal with it cause all the tears & sorrow or angry feelings isn't going to bring my son back, just make me a bitter person.  He wouldn't have wanted that.  He was a good young man, 23 at the time & had his whole life with a wonderful career in his sites.  He was brutally murdered.  We just had the trial back in September '05.  It still hurts but like I said... he would want me to do just what I'm doing... trying to be the best person I can be.  Good luck to you sweetie!
646433
I was always afraid of my father's death when I was growing up. My dad was my world (mom didn't want me so my dad raised me by himself). My biggest fear was him passing away. One night he left to go to the store for coffee, and was killed by a drunk driver. It hit me like a ton of bricks. No matter how much I tried to prepare myself for that day, it was nothing compared to how I actually felt. My world had crumbled the second that my step brother called me. I got depressed, and closed everyone out. No one understood me like my dad did. Everyone thought I had gone nuts, but it was my way of dealing with it. In two days it'll be three years since it happened. Things haven't been the same since. I got married and didn't have him there to walk me down the aisle, he never got to see his grandson. There's times I'm glad he's not here now because he would beat my husband to death for hitting me, and if he didn't then, he would've after we divorced. Anyways, the best advice I can offer is make the best out of every moment you spend with her and always cherish the times you've had with her. Her death is inevitable, and there is no way to prepare yourself. When it happens, talk to someone, anyone you think my have even the tiniest idea on how you're feeling. Talk about her because remembering her the way she was is the best way to deal with death. It won't get better immediately, but give it time. Since my dad's death I truly feel alone in this world, but I've found out that I do have some true friends who have helped me out through this. If you don't have someone you can talk to, if you like, you can IM me anytime...my yahoo ID is under my profile....think I'm making this too long winded as it is :D.
16904
It's still very soon...don't put too much pressure on yourself.\nWhen my mom dies, I expect to pretty much die as well...you're still alive, so you're not doing so badly. \nMy friend lost his mom a year ago, and it's still hitting him very hard...you can wait it out, talk to a therapist, maybe try an anti-depressant if you think it's too much to handle.
303165
you just really need totalk to someone. i lost a frien to suicide unfortunately i was in the room when it happened. i know how hard it is. i also had to attend 23 funerals in 10 months jst a few years ago between friends and family i wasn't surei wold make it either i really felt like my world was caving in on me. the thing that got me throgh it was my husband he always talked me through things, to this day he still makes sure i don't forget thememories of those friends and family members. one other thing i did was write letters to the people i was closest to especially my mom when i was feeling as you are now. i've read them at later times some i just keep in a box. good luck and please talk to someone!
594600
Yes I feel a big empty space since I lost my best friend, my sister! I am not happy, I miss her, and nothing makes me happy anymore!When I visit her grave I feel better for a day or two but nothing can take her place!!
291547
I'm sorry for your loss, many Holidays must be very difficult for you. If you don't feel this is too strange , when you go to visit her on Mothers Day bring a blanket with you and just sit there for a while. My Dad died when I was 13 months old, so when I need to feel closer to him, I take a warm summer day {Hopefully Mothers Day will be warm} a blanket, maybe a book or photo album and visit. Its amazing how peaceful it might make you feel. I'm sure she loved you very much and I'm very sorry your still so sad. I hope the rest of your family is a support to you. Take care and best of everything to you.
486815
I have the clincher\nWe were at my grandfathers funeral and I don't talk to my moms side of the family much.  So I have not seen these people in like 8-10 years and we are sitting the the chapel at the funeral home and my Aunt pokes me from behind and when I turned around and asked her exactly why she felt the need to poke me (we are not talking adolescence here shes 65+) he answer " I was just checking to see how fat you were"  My mom scooped me in and whizzed me out of there onto the front steps before i could react to her.  how DARE you say that to anyone let alone someone that she has not seen in 10 years....