My boyfriend was molested when he was 3 years old and he never told anyone about it. The person was a family friend who later served jail time for molesting other kids. How do I talk to him? Ask him questions? What do I ask? What can I say that will make him feel better? The molesting went on for over a year and she even threatened to kill him. Not only that but his father both mentally and physically abused him for the first 4 years of his life. He has a lot of emotional problems and i dont want to cause to much more emotional pain for him. Although this all happened 12 years ago he never got any help and rarely talks to anyone about what happened. How do i help him move on and accept the fact that nothing was his fault? It would be great to hear from those that have faced similar problems. Thanks for taking your time to answer.
121810
Leave it alone! He does not need to relive this with his girlfriend. I'm sure you've made it clear that if he WANTS to talk, you're ready to listen and that's ALL you should do. You're not his therapist and you are not qualified to be his therapist. You're his girlfriend and need to respect his boundaries and quit prying into pieces of his past he does not want to dwell on.
341947
sadly, most abused people are ashamed and try to hide it so finding the truth can be impossible. If it's a child ... don't hesitate and call child protection in your area a.s.a.p.. If it's an adult, stay a friend just keep your eyes and ears open. look for signs (read up on the internet) , look for opportunities to get your friend engaged in conversations where they trust you and comfortable opening up. Be very very cautious not to come off as judgemental. If you are asking this then you are a caring person and you will know what to do when the opportunity presents itself.
502435
my first question would be how old is this boy because he knows that much information about that topc.  I know some children that have been sexually abused have a unhealty knowlegde and facination with things of a sexual nature.  I have also known kids with forms of autism to learn and be obsessed with different functions of the body.  Just tell him that the conversation is making you a little uncomfortable and you would rather no talk about it.
645306
Its very hard for people especially women when at very young ages, they are molested or secretively followed by men trying to rape them. That's the worst women and girls face these days. And its the same case with most girls exactly what happened with you while you were 10. That's very sad. I'm sorry about that. But, still I'd recommend that what I'm about to advice you will be of great importance to you right now. You need to visit a counselor or a psychologist to assist you in getting sleep and to get you out of sleeping whilst the television is on and that its hard for you to sleep without it. Try talking to your mother repeatedly about your problem and also try consulting a good psychologist or psychytrist to give you guidance. You will have to cooperate with them at the same time and also to get good help at this age. I understand your problem seriously but you at the same time need consultation for your sleep at this age as you have to fight back bravely and that you have the capability inside you to aid you in getting out of this situation. Goodluck in life and also just prey to God to help you in life.
207684
I work in Social Work and see cases of child molestors who were in fact molested themselves as children.  \n\nWhilst I condem what they do and hate it with a vengence, the person carrying out the molestation needs help every bit as much as the person being molested.  \n\nFrom what I understand of this matter, the person molesting does know it is wrong but seem to want to hurt others as they have been hurt!  It seems to give them back some kind of 'power' or 'control' that was robbed of themselves when they were children when they become the perpetrators back. \n\nI really think these people need a lot of help to give them back their self-worth and dignity or else they may continue to do what they do.
184551
I think everyone has things from youth that affects us throughout our lives. I was sexually molested by a family member and it has affected me my whole life.It is really hard to overcome these events but it can be done. Best of luck to you
109376
First of all, you can make people AWARE. Awareness is your best weapon. I was raped at 4 years of age. I also was made aware of what to do if something like that should happen to me. I screamed, yelled, kicked, bit, etc. Because I did so, the teenager who raped me was caught and prosecuted. Because my parents were aware of what to do in such cases, they got me help right away. Children AND parents need to be taught how to prevent it, and what to do if it happens. I suggest that you also lobby for more strict legislation to deal with sex offenders. Perhaps form a community group at your childrens' school.
69388
my son went through the same thing 3years in a row one was brother and sister .what the kids did was talk about what happened and really was there for each other.theres not much else you can do .just be there for those who need a little more help getting through it.im so sorry
579312
First off I would grab the child away from it...yes IT! They are less then human.  And Lord help the thing if it should try and retaliate.  \nThis would bring forth so much adrenaline into my being..my mind would not control my fury.  Then as the child is safe I would definitely call the Cops....  This is from ONE who has been that CHILD.  You carry this with you all your lives...so if by chance a predator reads this....remember We Do Grow Up!\n\nAs far as revenge goes well I think he lives in his own Hell now...he placed himself there..because of his actions...no one will associate with him...only his mom really..Actually I kinda..maybe feel sorry for the lost soul.  Don't get me wrong He brought this on himself....But everything you suffer in life has a reason...If not for what I went through...I may have not been so carefull with my own children...I was a stay at home mom....now a stay at home grandma...I learned at an early age how evil man can be.  There was no way I would allow my children to be placed in the care of strangers...or for that matter people I know...You never know what goes on behind closed doors.  I myself am a very protective person when it comes to my family....sure I could have more money if I worked outside my home...but when it comes to the safety of mine.....there is not enough money in the world to relinquish them to The Horrors.  Also mine is not to crucify...I leave that up to my Lord.  I have learned to forgive...does not mean I have to associate with the person.  I suffered years of torment...but not anything as near as what he is and will suffer in the end.\nAnyways thanks for acknowledging my answer.\n\nOne last thing I do find a sence of humor helps me alot....I just had to ask....Do you find yourself to be a molester detector?
301591
although i wasn't abused as a child, i had a terrible experience when i was a teenager, i was date raped. i understand what you're going through and i know it hurts alot but you need to find the strength to move on with your life. anger and hate won't take you anywhere, it'll just make you bitter and it won't give you peace. i know what i'm talking about cuz i too dwelled on with my past for the longest time and i almost ruined my life. \ndon't worry though, better days is just around the corner, you just have to hold on and work on to getting well again my friend.\ni'll pray for your recovery!\nGod speed\n\np.s.\ntry to read this book: your past does not define your future by bo sanchez (this book is published in the philippines). this book has really helped me alot.
332381
We can't answer that for you.  Your primary concern should be your daughter, so concentrate on that.  You were a witness to the event, you need to make a judgement call.  The fact that you are having doubts about his character (wondering if he's a pedophile) make me think there must be more to this story.  If you seriously think this is possible, maybe you need to end the relationship. And if you choose not to, don't you dare leave your daughter alone with him!
628185
I would agree with the people who suggested PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) .. though perhaps it doesn't need to be labelled as that, to go through such an awful experience and lose your cousin and your friend .. plus you were driving .. I'm wondering if there are still emotional wounds inside that haven't healed. Sometimes we work on healing and it gets into our head - intellectually - but doesn't quite get absorbed in our heart - emotionally. Perhaps somewhere inside you feel a sense of guilt. I'm a survivor of child abuse, and we feel guilt over the abuse, over not stopping it, etc. even though now as adults we KNOW that we have nothing to feel guilty about, that it wasn't our fault .. but it takes a lot to really FEEL this knowledge. \n\nI think maybe it could be the reason for your moods, specifically BECAUSE you say "I feel I'm over it" and because you bring it up at all. If you were really over it, it wouldn't have popped into your mind as a possibility or even as a non-possibility. I believe you instincts are telling you where the pain lies. The trigger is not that experience of the accident, but day-to-day things that trouble or tire or worry you, these are the triggers that waken the old pain. The accident experience isn't the trigger, it's what GETS triggered, and the moods are the resulting feelings/behaviours of that. \n\nWhy not see a good therapist and tell her/him you'd like to process the feelings you have today about that experience, and find some awareness understanding and closure about it. What have you got to lose?  You have anger, fear, sadness ... if this turns out to be the reason, you can leave that baggage behind and move towards a happier way of living.  I hope you'll consider it.  You ARE depressed, and the best way to help yourself is to get some good help. If for some reason you don't have access to a therapist, please try a support group or a counselor, or at least a trusted person who will listen supportively and non-judmentally. I run a group online (free and anonymous) for survivors of childhood abuse/trauma, and if nothing else, you can always join us. It helps to talk and be listened to. I've put the link to my group below if you want. \n\nTake care of yourself and don't worry, you will get the help you need, and feel better.
149322
First of all, my father, for abusing me physically and mentally, and for how he's beginning to do the same to my younger brother (although I'm doing my best to protect him, I'm afraid it's going to come to calling the police if it continues. I don't want my brother to end up with an eating disorder and self-injury issues like I did).\n\nSecondly, a kid that my boyfriend used to be friends with who was recently arrested for raping his younger brother more than one hundred and fifty times. Nobody had any idea, but that poor kid has been suffering for so long- I hope the guy gets it in the a** for the rest of his life.\n\nThird, George W. Bush, for starting an unfounded war that has lead to the death of thousands and thousands of people.\n\nOther than that, I really don't know. I'll leave the last two up to you, okay? :)\n\nSorry for this novel of an answer! ^^;;
617679
She needs to be thinking of your children right now, and focusing on their needs. Clearly if she bearly knows this guy, it is not appropriate for her to expose her children to him. The reason that they got molested, is because she didn't screen the guys she marries in the first place to make sure that hed be a fit parent or not, hence she married and had kids with a loser who is now behind bars. She needs to give her children more attention, since there is clearly a problem since it took her a while to find out about the molestation. I do think that she is trying to move on with her life too quickly, and should stop and take time to think whats the next best move for her and her children. Also the children would definately need therapy of some sort, and by moving on with her life she is indirectly telling them to move on with theirs and implying that what happened to them didn't matter. Her children might interpret this as neglect, and not feel that they are important to her, which could be a floodgate for future incidents or behaviour that they may be involved in. She should think of her childrens future and not just her own. Especially not while shes blinded by her latest love.
103729
Everyone grows up sooner or later.  However, that he had nothing to do with your child for seven years raises a big question in my mind.  Will he be there later?  Is he here to stay?  He owes the answers to your child and to you.\n\nObviously you have had a thing for him this whole time, and he for you.  People don't stop speaking to each other because of indifference.  \n\nGive it a chance, but make sure you know the answers to those questions.  You owe it to yourself and your kid.\n\nGood luck!
282814
I was sexually molested by my step father and he talked me into doing things with my sister so I know how she feels.  I had a hard time too but i now see a therapist from the state Child Advocacy Center.  she needs to do that because it has helped me a lot.  Good luck
261604
OH HELL NO!!!\n\nYou better be talking to someone at school or child services... That's SEXUAL ABUSE.\n\nPlease get help ASAP!