please tell me the best joke ever so i can impress my friends tonight at the bar!
136654
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. \nWhen he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. \nWhen he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.\n"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
554093
Three guys are sitting at a bar.\n\nThe first guy farts...poooofffff.\nThe second guy farts....poooooffff.\nThe third guy lets one rip.\nFirst two guys look at each other and say "virgin".
390491
♥A GUY GOES IN A BAR & THERE IS A POT OF $ & A HORSE HE ASKS THE BAR TENDER WHAT IS WITH THE HORSE & POT OF $ WELL THE BAR TENDER SAID IF U CAN MAKE THE HORSE LAUGH U CAN HAVE THE POT OF $ SO THE GUY BRINGS THE HORSE IN THE BACK ROOM & LIKE 2 MIN LATER HE COMES OUT & THE HORSE IS LAUGHING. THE NEXT DAY HE COMES BACK & THERE IS THE SAME HORSE & A DIFFERENT POT OF $ SO HE ASKED THE BAR TENDER WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO DAY & THE BAR TENDER SAID WELL U HAVE TO MAKE THE HORSE CRY SO THE GUY BROUGHT THE HORSE IN THE BACK & LIKE 2 MIN LATTER HE COMES OUT & THE HORSE IS CRYING. THE BAR TENDER SAID B4 U GET THE POT OF $ U HAVE 2 TELL ME HOW U MADE THE HORSE LAUGH & CRY. SO THE GUY SAID 2 MAKE HIM LAUGH I TOLD HIM I HAD A BIGGER DICK THEN HIM 2 MAKE HIM CRY I SHOWED HIM. \n\nI HOPE THAT MADE U LAUGH.♥
334100
Now that's a great joke!!! I laughed sooooo hard!!!Thanks!,for starting my day off with such a hearty laugh!!!
543854
Go to jokepictures.com.
644302
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.\n\nThe bartender says, "Hey pal, what's up with the steering wheel attached to your crotch"\n\nand you MUST say this aloud in your most convincing pirate voice!\n\n"Arrrgh! It's driving me nuts"
441432
It's about time someone came up with a new blonde joke. This is hilarous. I would have never guessed what she was going to say at the end. Very good. I'll give you a 10 on the scale of 1-10. You also got a thumbs up. Great joke...got any more..?
572949
Strange but Quite Hilarious!!! Good Joke!!! Rating-9/10!!! Continue posting some other jokes!!!
419496
its gotta be the best joke on here if we could give a best question i would give it to you???????????
186900
Two men were drinking in a bar when one looks at the other and asks,\n“What are u drinking?”\nThe second one looks at him and says\n“Magic Beer”\nThe first guy exclaims, “Magic Beer?!?” The second guy says:\n“Yup, I can prove it by jumping off that cliff over there and flying right back up.”\n“Yea right,” Says the first guy. The second guy jumps off and comes back up perfectly unharmed. “Do it again.” The first guy said, and the second guy did it again.\n“Well, Im drunk enough to try.” He said. The first guy takes a sip of the Magic Beer and jumps off and falls to his death. The bartender just looks at the second guy and says:\n”You know, you can be real mean when your drunk Superman.”
535123
hahahahahahahhaahhahahaha!  TOO funny!  I am still laughing!  I am going to use some of these one liners!  I'll send this to my single girl friends too!  Thanks for sharing!
43083
I have two: I love the second one.\nJoke #1\nA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"\n\nIn a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."\n\nOur bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"\n\nThe blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."\n-----------\n Joke #2\nTwo women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are\n comparing stories on how they died.\n\n 1st woman: I froze to death.\n\n 2nd woman: How horrible!\n\n 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the\n cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a\n peaceful death. What about you?\n\n 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected\n that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to\n catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by\n himself in the den watching TV.\n\n 1st woman: So what happened?\n\n 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there\n somewhere that I started running all over the house\n looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down\n into the basement. Then I went through every closet and\n checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had\n looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that\n I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!\n\n 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd\n both still be alive.
381430
ha! ha! ha! great joke!
278359
Rats!  I had a wonderful joke I was going to post but since you want comments about needing the points, I have nothing to post.  You are missing a great joke though!
428784
That's the best blonde joke I've heard in a while. LOL! Tell another.
260448
yeah OK I have a great 2 jokes for you here but be prepared that they are somewhat well just wrong hehehe ok here we go! enjoy!\n\n#1- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,so he went to a psychiatrist,who told him he needed to build self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.\n   After reading the book on the way him,he stormed into the house and declared, "I want you to know I am the man of the house,and my word is law."I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight.THen after dinner,you are going to draw my bath so I can relax ,and when I'm finished with my bath,guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"\n           His wife responded, "THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR."\n\n#2-A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey,could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light" NOw does it look like I have a G.E.O Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."\n   Well then,could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right". To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have WestingHouse written on my forehead? I don't think so"."Fine," She says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".\n"I'm not a damn Carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so.I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"\n   So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.\nHe starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.As he enters the house,He sees the hall light is working,the fridge door is fixed.\n"Honey, How'd all this get fixed? She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.He offered to do all the repaires,and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."\nHe said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "HELLOOOOO..... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"\n\n#3- A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vagina lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze.Out of emabarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.\n  A wakening from the anesthesia after the surgery,she found three roses carefully placed beside her bed.Outraged,she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"\n   The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this by yourself."\n   "The second rose is from my nurse.She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."\n   "And what about the third rose?" she asked.\n"Oh,that rose is from the man upstairs in the burn unit.He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
636172
best joke ever????????     GEORGE BUSH