My daughter is 20 she has been a total handful since she was 13. She has stolen from me and others, lied, runaway from me, from her dad, etc. she turned 6mo. of probation into 5yrs., she set my home on fire because she was mad, she was sent to the girls school, the attention home, the correction facility, she's been in jail, she's stole gas, money, food, checkbook, she got off probation for 1 yr. left town ended up in Utah where she did meth, spent 5mo. in jail for meth. She got extrodited back home for forgery charges. Now she's back on probation for forgery and drug charges. She lost her job about 2mo. ago told her therapist she had murderous thoughts towards me ended up taking just enough drugs to make herself sick not kill herself so now she's in the state mental hospital. She's been there 3 weeks, she should graduate like the 1st wk of May and she's 400 miles away. She asked me tonight if I would come to her graduation. I'm just exhausted. Should I go? It will cost a lot in gas.
120128
I would first talk with the professionals that are taking care of her. If they feel good that she is on the right track and is not a game player anymore. Then I would contact her and feel for myself. (the one thing I do know about Mom is that she can read me like a book) If I feel comfortable that she has recognized that she has an illness and  needs psychotherapy, medication and she is willing to go to a halfway house to adjust her new life...Then yes i would buy the gas and go to her new life graduation....
377889
When is enough enough?  My mom put my older brother out at 16.  He had stolen the family car for the 3rd time and wrecked it for the 2nd.  He smoked pot, skipped school and finally got expelled.  Tried to kill me by shooting a target practice arrow at me (I was 8) and it hit me in the chest.  (Fortunately it was from quite a distance and bounced off my breast bone.  I still bear a scar to this day)  Arrested I don't even know how many times for petty theft and assault. Spent time (6 months) in Juvenile detention.  NO amount of tough love, counseling (private & family), or understanding helped. \n\nWhat is a mother to do?  It was either she throw him out and save her own sanity or kill him. When she finally threw him out I was 10, and I remember thinking how quiet it was around the house.  My brother being removed from the family household was the best thing that ever happened to my childhood.\n\nAbout my brother:  He stayed with a sympathetic family down the road and was just as nasty to them until they threw him out.  By then he was old enough to join the Navy with his GED and Mom's signature.  He got thrown out of the Navy with a less than honorable discharge and then took up with a young lady.  He eventually married her and then it eventually fell apart (drugs/alcholol).  Later he went into prision for 7 yrs. and it was the best thing that ever happend to him.  He finally stoped and took a good look at where and what was happening in his life.  When he got out he was a COMPLETELY different person.  I am proud of my brother now; he is a decent human being now.\n\nedit - To all the ppl who are correct in saying that social services will come and try to make you take your child back.  They came and threatened my Mother with jail time if she didn't take him back in to her home.  She put out her wrists and said, "Lets go."  They backed down.
8047
I am a pesky parent. my 21yr old lives any from home and goes to college and I still talk to her about her grades.She knows that I only want the best for her and that I am concerned and love about her.If I didn't pester her,she would think I didn't care.She says she loves me for doing it[even tho sometimes I am a pesky parent]She wouldn't have it any other way!!!p.s.I hope the answer you got from brnbrn3 was a joke even tho it was not funny. Ihave a 17yr old grand daughter who ran away on nov 21 2005,we haven't heard from her yet!!! An update incase you were wondering or praying for us.They found my 17yr old grand daughter on Monday Jan 9 2006.She is fine other than the fact that she has really messed up her life.She had big plans to go to college now she has missed so much school this year ,she can't even graduate.She was a straight A student  Senior year.She now sits in detention awaiting her day in court to see what the judge is going to do with her.So don't run away,and someday when you are sucessful, you will love your pesky parent as much as my daughter loves me.and someday hopfully my granddaugher will ,too!!!
416084
When she's 18, kick her out.  You're feeding her, clothing her, supporting her, she eats from your table and sleeps in a bed you bought.  And she says F you?\n\nThere is no justification.  No one, not your wife, not your daughter, no one has the right to degrade you like that.  Tell your daughter, and kick her out at 18.  \n\nShe wants to be an adult?  Time to live it.\n\nBut you need to take some responsibility too.  She didn't just start acting this way.  You fostered this.  You let her get away with crap when she was 12 because you didn't want to be the bad guy.  This is the result.  So kick her out, but let her know it was your bad.
218368
Call the police.  If he put his filthy hands on you, that is assualt.  He might be on probation, so I would look into that.  He couldn't so drunk one of these days and no telling what he might do.  And your daughter is witnessing this behavior?  She might think it's okay for a strange, drunk man to be treating you this way.  Do something immediately.  I worked in  a prison for 8 years, I know how those offenders act and I would not want any of them living next door to me.  I'm not saying all of them are the same but he haven't seemed to change.
655581
I hope she showed up with the intention of making things right again.  I would assume she has missed an appointment with her probation officer by now.  If so, there is likely to be a warrant for her arrest for a probation violation.  \n\nIf she violates probation she can be "punished" in several ways including extending the probation time, modifying the release order (ie adding to the conditions), or possibly jail time.  They can also revoke the probation entirely.\n\nThe other concern is that if she is picked up by police out of state she will be considered a Fugitive of Justice.  From there she will most likely have to be extradited back to California. Not only is there the possibility of sitting in jail for a few months waiting extraction  but also needing a bail bond for a release condition.\n\nYou might be able to express to her all the negative reactions this escapade has caused and encourage her to self-surrender and deal with the situation.  The longer she waits, the more sever the possible ramifications may be.
638267
Sounds like your friend may go back to prison.  If he has not paid his probation fees, then more than likely he was not reporting.  If that is the case, then his probation will probably be revoked.  By the way, it does not appear as if this person is interested in getting his life together, so in my opinion, he probably does need to go back to prison.
643962
Move on with your life.  Perhaps in the future you mom will get off the drugs and put her life back in order.  Maybe she will ask you for forgiveness.  Maybe she will remain a drug addict forever.\n\nConsider this however.  Most drug addicts have to hit rock bottom before they seek help and recovery.  If you forgive her and she feels that what she did was not that bad you may be contributing to her remaining as a drug addict.  Perhaps your absence and lack of forgiveness will be one more reason for her to feel that it is time to seek help.\n\nIt's tricky, and there is probably no right answer.  But generally for me if someone tries to kill me even if it is a parent, I tend to be slow to forgive.
358681
This situation is going to be hard on everyone, and,as you mentioned, expensive. Put all that to the side and concentrate on what the natural consequences to her are. This is a prime opportunity for her to learn the life lesson that you can choose your actions but you cannot choose the consequences. She screwed up on multiple levels. She:\n1-Lied to you.\n2-Was under-age drinking.\n3-Was driving while under the influence. No excuse for that. Ever. By anyone.\n4-Is going to cost you money in fines/tickets, car insurance rates (eventually) and probation. (In FL probation is expensive. I don't know about CA.) Also the cost of a DUI or substance abuse class if they require that.\n\nShe needs to know that she screwed up bigtime and your trust in her is going to have to be rebuilt. And that it is going to take time. Don't drive her everywhere according to her whims. She can take a bus, ride a bike or get a ride. (Realizing that choices one and two are totally uncool. Too bad.) Getting her to the mall or the movies is not your problem. It is hers.\n\nShe needs to pay the piper on this one. Put her on the installment plan. Follow up and be consistent. Don't let her off the hook. But, she whines, It will take a long time and I don't have any money. \nSo? \nIf she gets an allowance, dock it. Take 50% of any gift money she receives, as well as 50% of the money she earns. She is not just learning a lesson here. She is building self-respect.\nRealize that this is a long term payback. Accept that now and don't eventually tire and give in. It will not be convenient for you. Accept that also. And give her no sympathy. Don't soothe her feelings or commismerate that she will not be able to get her license now. Have The Talk with her, establish the boundaries and punishments, then no more lectures. Treat everything after in a matter-of-fact way. Don't harp on it. Or let her whine about it. Just follow up in a businesslike manner. With luck this can be a major learning experience. A lot of that is up to you and how you handle it. I wish you good fortune on this one.
609750
I am not sure how old or young you are but if you are old enough, you can say no to being hospitalized or have a parent/guardian say no if you aren't old enough. I know that our daughter over  4 years ago had problems when she was in 4th grade, and because at that time she was being extremely violent, and was then to go on to be diagnosed with bipolar, but she stayed one night in the emergency area. We then refused her to be hospitalized, and I stayed home with her and was with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until the medication kicked in and she was feeling better. She also went to a psychologist and still goes now and then, as it helps her to not only talk with us but to talk to a therapist. You have say over your own care, especially if you are at that moment of legal age, and of sound mind,etc. Good luck, just don't worry about it all, go and get the help you need! Just make sure you find yourself a good psychiatrist, referrals from friends, family members or call to your local hospital and they'll usually give you 3 names of psychiatrists. Take care of YOU!!!! You may also need a tranquilizer of some kind, and if you are continuing to have suicidal thoughts, sometimes having that major tranquilizer can calm you down until the antidepressants kick in. Please get help ASAP!!!
318514
i dont think its your problem man. i know he's your kid and you're concerned for him, but if he's 30 and cant get his crap straight, i dont know what you can really do for him. he's going to need to be willing to start at the bottom. like, rock bottom, working at wendy's or something. but, thats better than going back to jail.
58628
I am so sorry to hear. It must be very difficult for you and your family. \nI hate to say this, but if my son had this many charges against him, I would have to let him deal with the consequences. Otherwise, the only thing he would learn is that "mom and dad (or one or the other) will bail me out." I've seen this happen to someone who I am very close to and she is on the verge on losing everything, including her mind, trying to keep her son from dealing with the responsibility of his actions. What happens when mom and/or dad are no longer there to bail him out? When does he start learning responsibility for his actions? Chances are that he will outlive you and if he doesn't learn now, then what happens to him? Not to mention the people he has harmed by committing these crimes. It is harsh, I know, and I'm sorry. I know this has to be extremely painful for you. \nHaving said that, if I were determined to try to help him, what I would do is contact an attorney for a consultation. Many atty's give initial consulations for free. I would contact Legal Services which is for people who cannot afford to hire an attorney and is usually located in the blue pages in your local phone book (if your phone book doesn't have blue pages, I mean the section for government phone numbers). I know in our area they have certain times each week you can call, speak to an atty and ask for legal advice, no charge. \nThe website is for a criminal defense lawyer in Lubbock. Don't know how close you are to him but his site says initial consultation is free.
627036
I'm sorry you are going through this.....My oldest did the same thing....he stole everything he could pawn or sale for money to keep his habit supported. I had to put a lock on my bedroom door to keep him out. And even that didnt work for long....He stole from his grandparents...friends....neighbors. I had people calling me all the time about the things he was doing. It started when he was about 14 years old....and he was in and out of trouble for so long. We had him to doctors and therapists.....he got put in juvenile centers.....county jail.....and finally did 3 different prison sentences..all of this was in the time frame of 11 years......after the second time in prison...I told him if he got in trouble again...then I would not come and see him...its too hard to watch your child like that....he got so used to that institutional life....that he couldnt funtion in the real world. Now he is out again....and seems to be doing good.......He is working and living about 4 hours away....we talk on the phone almost daily.....He lives with my brother..his uncle......He seems to really want to make it this time...and God willing ...he will....Be strong......tough love is just that....but I think its tougher on the parent than the child.....My prayers are with you and your child...
176789
hi  my mom was on the same situation she has been in recovery for 4 yrs. now and wants to be a kindergarten teacher what she is in the process of doing is she went to the judge to get her felons dropped 2 misdemeanors
28286
well, almost certainly you would need to call your local police or sherriff's office, if you want to report her for a crime.. or the state family services board, if you want to help the children..  but i can't tell you how to do that since i don't know where you live.\n\nsorry!  guess they're doomed to a life of hardship and despair.
586610
Call the police and tell them the story.  They have to go to her home, make sure u mention shes intending to harm herself.  They have to come out. If she is under 18 call Child protection Service and she can be removed from home.  Or if u are able to kidnap her and take her to the ER.  (use to work in one and u would be surprise how many are brought in for suicidal tenancies) They have to treat her.  They can not refuse to take her in.  And ask UR parents for help.  U might be surprise what ur parents could do for as well.  (well I hope they are like my parents willing to step in for a ur friends)
624287
I used to act just like her from age 9-16 I used to disappear with friends all hours of the night and come home with no answers.  But then again I had a cop for a dad..I was always in trouble and I think after the scare my mom and dad did to me i learned alot..My folks pretty much told me to get into the car and took me down to the MORGUE of all places and asked me if I wanted to end up like that...then after that I tried to committ suicide cause i thought they ment they didn't want me around and ended up in a psych ward and then put on house arrest for two and a half years...But the morgue was thier last step and it scared the only livin crap outta me.  I understand not havin the money for help  i lived the same way...But...now I see the way people are raising thier kids letting them get away with everything ..what happened to old fashion discipline..one take the Phone away two ground them don't let them leave the house ...3...Tell her she isn't going anywhere unless you know where she is going and what she will be doing...4 Everyone should have respect for their elders that includes the parents,teachers, etc...and if this don't work...talk to the police department in your town..see how she likes to be locked up...thats one thing my mom and dad did that i didn't like but..got used to it...in this situation your parents need to show her who is boss...even if it means  taking out a belt and whipping her butt with it...I hope this helps you out...