For 7 months i have been very good friends and occasional lover to a much younger man. when i felt i was falling in love i made my feelings known to him, at that time he admitted to having feelings for me. During this time his ex girlfriend had taken his daughter and he had no idea where. about 2 weeks ago, he found them, and decided to try to work things out because of his daughter. The thing is he never told any of this to me, instead he told everyone else while refusing to talk to me about any of it. he also told everyone that he had never wanted more then friendship from me, and that he had never led me to believe differently. which several knew to be a lie. my problem is,after 2 weeks of silence he is now doing everything to get my attention. I still love him very much.And would have understood why he was doing it, if he would have talked to me.what should i do now?
120242
I'd better to be the baby of a matured man than the mommy of an younger !
518358
How can you be friends with someone who has betrayed your trust? You can be polite because of your child and because in life you get more with honey than you do with vinegar! HOwever, that is all I would be. No information, no jokes, no real conversation. Then take a deep breath. Realize that he looked at your relationship with all its pluses and cons and decided to try his luck elsewhere. UNfortunatly he forget to inform you about his decision. Take another deep breath. Realize that a cheater is a liar is a sneak-- aren't you worth more? In other words, through thick and thin you stood by him but he could not do the same. Honey, he is not wrothy of your love. Put on some make-up, get dressed and go out!
535331
wow it sounds like he doesn't have a life.. and your was the only one he ever knew. .... Maybe getting or hinting around you have someone  may hurt him enough to ( move on for a better word) maybe that is the hurt he needs to move on. But it sounds like his self esteem is low enough that he may not get the message.  Does your daughter have a clue or is she enjoying the fact that this "dad" figure makes her life easier because she has MAYBE  no dad or no spouse. ...  It sounds like this guy plays a big part in her life...  Does he like her ?? Sounds gross.. but sometimes weird things happen. or is he just not able to let go ?  I would tell her ... this is hurting you .. Or better yet get on with your life .. go out .,, not be home and just live and he and your daughters relationship may not have as much bang as it used to .. if your not around as much ... there is not a lot for him and her to have to analyze and talk about.....  I say get out of the house ... even pretend to have a life.. and pretty soon .. you will .. and this will be part of the past .. not the present.  \n\n BUT you didnt specify if that was her dad .... if it is ... well that is a differnt story... and she needs her dad.. and you still need to  get on withthings...
86326
Hi, this is Cat...After 1 1/2 years did you not know how he felt about you? If he's clammed up, obviously he wasn't ready to hear how you felt about him. Usually a guy will be responsive how he feels way before a year has passed, he might not say so, however his actions will speak louder than words. I suggest you give him space real fast, leave him alone for a couple of weeks to a month to think and to chill out. He's probably afraid of commitment or he does not feel the same about you. Do not approach him again regarding this issue, he may bolt like a wild horse and never come back. Instead just be a friend to him for now, if it's not too late. Lesson well learnt, you know what to do next time.
247667
I think the attraction you are feeling is somewhere along the lines of "What could have happened? What did I miss out on?" That's natural. Everyone feels that way.\n\nBut think about this. If you care for him, then let him go. He has a child with his gf that he has been with for 6 years. What could have been? Who knows, but live in the present!\n\nFor one thing, it's wrong for him to keep a secret like this from his current gf. Think of her feelings! That her bf is keeping in contact with his ex behind her back. The father of her child is still talking with his ex, who still has feelings for him. It's just not a good situation. Put yourself in her shoes.\n\nYou will find someone else, someone available! Someone who wants to share their life with you, fight with you, compromise with you, be honest with you, trust you, communicate their thoughts and feelings with you. They are out there, and it isn't this guy!\n\nHe's already showing some signs of untrustworthiness! If he is willing to talk to an ex behind the mother of his child's back, whom he has been with for 6 years, then he's not very trustworthy, is he? He would keep secrets of that nature from you as well!\n\nGet over him. We all have those feelings of "What if I can get what I lost out on?" or "What could have been?" But you need to leave that in the past and live in the present.
98527
i completely understand what ur going through, i was in the same boat a you. my advice is, if he really is happy with his girlfriend right now, i wouldn't say anything. because right now you're his friend, and you should be happy for him, unless she really isn't good for him (meaning she doesn't treat him right). but, if and when you do tell him, make sure you do it in person. just tell him that he is a great friend, and that u love being friends with him b/c he is such a great guy. then tell him that somewhere in the friendship your feelings changed, and now you like him. that's all i can really tell you. i hope i was some help.
278443
Don't fight with him. Ask him calmly why he is still in touch with her. If he becomes evasive or gets defensive, then you have cause to be suspicious for he IS hiding something then. If your suscipion is confirmed, then decide what you want to do next. If you still love him, tell him so and ask him to choose - you & your daughter or her. If he is undecided, I see no point in holding on to someone who doesn't really love you fully.
592491
stop all communication because its not fair to you or to his GF. he should have told you in the beginning so that you could have decided if you wanted to be involved with him considering his circumstances. but he was a liar for getting your feelings involved then telling you about his GF.
432928
Seems like he's still a bit emotionally attached but not ready to jump back into a relationship. I'm not sure if this means he's in love with you still, or if he's just having trouble letting go, but either way he seems just as confused as you.\nIf I were you I'd confront him. See what his deal is, and hopefully you can work it out.
639424
his actions are not those of a friend. Friends don't lead each other on or use each other. They don't kiss or any more so let him go before he puts you down even more. You've learnt and now you're free again to meet the real guy that's out there for you. You don't need friends that lie. What a pig!
97947
If he continued to call you after the break up, then it sounds like he wasn't ready to give up either. Or, maybe he enjoyed being in a friendship w/ you, and when you told him your feelings, it freaked him out. Either way, I'd try to get in contact w/ him to see what's going on. It seems odd to me that he would leave you hanging like that, so maybe something happened to him...try calling. If you get in touch w/ him, and he simply doesn't want to talk to anymore, then yes, it gets better. True love never fades, but it does alter and changes over time. Just give it some time. Good luck to you!
153614
You should most definately tell him. Nobody deserves to be lied to by someone they care about. As his friend, you have an obligation to tell him the truth. This girl is manipulating him and it seems to me that he doesn't deserve it.
306184
This sounds like a case of too slow too bad to me.  You never mentioned your feelings to your friend and he made his move before you.  Let it be until hes out of the picture.
84159
i say you should tell him if his not willing to be in a relationship then he needs to keep his hands to his self. trust me only negative things turn out from those type of situations. once he says he just wants to be friends but is still all touchy feely he thinks he has you right were he wants you and then sooner or later watch he'll be in a relationship. but more than likely it wont be with you.
63332
If you truly love him, the go for it. But if you feel that by with holding his daughter's presence for so long he has broken the trust between you, wait, and try to figure out why he didn't tell you. If you think you can live harmoniously with this idea, and you truly love him, I think you should move ahead with the relationship. It all depends on why he didn't tell you. Maybe he didn't want to scare you off with the idea because he loved you so much. Good luck and best wishes!
503493
Don't worry yourself another minute about the "rumor" or "him"!  If he doesn't believe you there is nothing you can say that is going to change his mind.\n\nObviously he doesn't want to be "friends" with you.  It's requires a certain amount of "maturity" to remain on friendly terms with an "ex".  He apparently, isn't able to handle it.\n\nMove on, don't look back and best of luck.
165212
Your best bet is to move on, now!  He was probably silent from the time he talked about marriage and visiting you until now, because he had other "coals in the fire" and they didn't work out.  If there was a period of "silence" he was looking for a quicker or better way to get here.  He is using you, from the little bit of info you stated, and believe me, he is not serious!  You should move on and live your life and resolve your feelings for this "fantasy man".  Good luck to you in whatever you decide, because it is your ultimate decision, and believe me, I know letting go will be painful and confusing, but since you asked for advice, I think deep down in your heart you know he is using you.  God Bless.