ive been married for 3 years and only home for 6 months because of these deployments to iraq, and i need to be with my family because this is really putting a strain on my marriage and my own mental well being and that of my wife's as well.
120500
My husband has been deployed for most of our 5 year marriage as well but I am a dedicated wife who knows this is his job and I support him and his job 100%, no questions. In order to be a military wife, you have to have a strong foundation and you have to know that the Army is first..I mean, my husband puts me first but when he is deployed, he has to put his job first in order to stay focused, his main job in Iraq is to stay focused and I do everything here that I can to help him maintain that. We work as a team and have a very healthy, happy and strong marriage despite all of the deployments. You just need to reassure to your wife that this is what you have to do and that you both need to pull it together and it will make these deployments easier to "deal" with. As for the mental well being, you can both seek help with that. Contact your chaplain and he will guide you to what you need to do and where you can go for this help. Your wife should participate in the FRG's or start a support group. The main thing is to support each other and know that together, you can conquer anything. Stay strong and keep the chin up...stay safe and you'll be home sooner than you know it. If you're gone for a year, you should be getting a two week R&R time....take that time to rejuvinate. Good luck and thanks for all you do!!!!
335667
Being in the military, especially the Marines, is a high stress position currently. You're going to have to allow him some room to be stressed and to find a way to eliminate or blow off some of the stress somewhere.\n\nIn regards to him blowing up at the kids... be prepared for him to flip when he hears this, but record him. Find a time when it's just the two of you and play it back for him to hear. Do not approach him in an accusatory manner but simply, "Honey, do you have a moment to listen to this?" He may not realize that he's going off the way he does. Talk to him as a friend and confidante (you should be anyway since you're married). Be prepared to listen in a non-judgmental fashion and let him know that you feel the family needs help through this. Don't put everything back on his shoulders... sounds like he's already got a full burden. \n\nGood luck!
45856
I have been through this same thing you are going through. (My husband is active duty in the military too BTW) When he got nice all of a sudden it was because he was having an affair. So I don't think he will keep the new changes. My advice is to be cautious.
572489
As a soldier, I am getting sick of not seeing my spouse. We have been seperated for 14 months. We both serve - him in Afghanistan and myself to Iraq. That being said, being in Iraq and seeing it first hand, I know that we cannot pull troops out of Iraq until stability is reached and the Iraqi government can sustain themselves. Unfortunately this will take years.
425080
My husband has been to Iraq twice, the first time for 15 months and the second for 10. He leaves again next summer for another year. The thing that helps me the most is being around other military spouses and families, because they know what I am going through (and don't ask annoying questions like "how do you do it" or "what would you do if he died" or say things like "I could never do that, it must be so hard waiting on him.") I know that being around military families may not be an option since you may not live in the town with him. The first deployment we weren't married yet and I lived in a non-military area. It was different but I was able to find a couple of people (reservists wives, etc) that were going through the same thing. If you can't find someone to hang out with, try an online support group, Yahoo Groups has a lot of them for military girlfriends/fiancees.I also do my best to stay busy, which for me has meant going to school full time. I am graduating soon, and I am planning on doing a lot of volunteer work and staying home with our baby on this next deployment. Anything that will keep you busy and keep your mind off of it as much as possible is a good thing. I also recommend writing to him as much as you can, every day if possible. I like to tell him about my day and "talk" about the kind of stuff we'd talk about if he were home for dinner. That way I don't feel like he's missed out on a whole year of my life. Mail - letters, pictures, packages - are always appreciated when they are deployed. \n\nI know it sucks, but after he has been gone for a little bit you will get into a routine. You will also learn what works for you and what doesn't. I found that the second deployment was easier because it wasn't such a new experience and it was easier for me to get into my "deployment routine." I have also found that if you wake up and tell yourself that it's going to be a good day, and don't allow yourself to do otherwise, you will feel a lot better. Good luck with his deployment and know that everything will be ok because you love each other. When he gets home all the pain and sadness will be worth it, I promise!
455352
As a Gulf War Vet myself I think that was sweet of you. And I want to thank you for the support you give your spouse. Some wives are not so supportive. They think it's a time to play. Instead of taking care of their family affairs. Thanks again!
73402
It is very hard to sad to deal with. Do you have family near by? That helped me. Do you work? Praying really helped alot! Do you have IM? does he have it too? I know on the AKO you get install the IM and that saves some heatache. \nI remeber when my hubby was there. I was 4 months preggers when he left. That was very diffcult. But you have got to keep your self busy.  I know it sounds mean but you really have to. Hang in there and I will keep you in my prayers as I do for every miltary spouse and their spouses!
245290
I'm in the army and so is my husband.  you never get use to it it always sucks.  Just try not to dwell on it.  Try to stay occupied with something while he is gone and live for the moment when he is there.  I read a lot of books or make quilts while my husband is away or browse on here.  In fact, my husband is gone for a month right now.
253202
My husband is in Iraq. Last time he saw our daughter she was 2 months old, next time he will see her she will be a walking & talking 14 month old (I didn't include the oh-so-short R&R he gets). I cry almost every day. I write him every night. I pray before bed that he makes it home to our daughter and I. \n\nOn the good side, this time apart makes us realize all the things we took for granted before. He's making more money so I am able to stay home with my daughter and go back for my Master's.
372678
Sweat heart everybody makes mistakes.\nYour husband is going through some unbelievably tough experiences. Life in Iraq is brutal.\nWrite him every day, keep the letters upbeat but still telling him how much you miss him, and need him around. Tell him about your child, tell him you talk to her about him all the time. Send him care packages, make them a piece of home, send your picture and a camera telling him you can't wait to see him again. When he says the things you wrote about skim over it, it is such an untrue thing to say it deserves little time. Remind him that he is the only one for you and that your family is the most important thing.
244025
well being a military wife i get 2 different kinds of looks i tell people I'm married to a military man and i support him but that i don't support the war its my right as a us citizen to have an opinion so when my hubby is deployed you bet I'm right there with the best of them praying and waiting for them to come home . i support him and his job and all the troops over there now and to come.
318938
Sounds like your folks need to go to marrage counseling.
209873
I am currently a military spouse and if I could do it all over again I would have told my husband to just get a job in his major and not the Army.  The Army takes care of us, they have some great benefits probably the best in the world.  But none of that is worth risking your life for.  I'm not anti-Army, I'm just living the life supporting my husband.  We have a 3 year old, and he just came back from a deployment in Dec and possibly will be leaving again within a month.  Imagine a 3-year old asking for his daddy everyday while he is fighting in a senseless "war".  If you can't, it's pure hell.  I don't recommend military life to anyone unless you are single and times are REALLY hard for you financially.  There are alot of sacrifices you have to make in a military environment.  I have some research for you, go and find out the divorce rate for military servicemen, its beyond the means of high.  I think I just told you the reason why!!
381694
Sounds like at least one of you is afraid of being left. Or maybe you don't want to hurt each other by making a commitment and then leaving, so you just refrain from making a commitment... and you practice leaving.  Girl, you should only practice what you want to be good at !\n\nIn many parts of the world marriages are arranged. In other words, the sex is the first part of the relationship, and over time the couple can learn to know & love each other. \n\nI left my family & moved from New England to Minnesota, where my husband's family all live. It was a couple years of culture shock, but we're still together after almost 23 years of marriage.\n\nDo you trust him? Are you willing to trust ANYone?  If he changes, will you stay with him? (like, loss of health, financial worries causing depression, etc)... in my experience, Air Force fellows are top quality. Yes, the military changes a person -- military people  have been forcibly changed, so they can do their jobs & survive; that's not a bad thing, it's just a factor to consider.\nMotherhood changes a person, too.  Not all changes are permanent, but they're not all predictable either. That's where the trust comes in. Trust isn't a feeling; it's a decision.\n\nHe might have a need to be "at home" (in his case, it's Ohio); home is, by definition, where we feel safe.  Can you make your home somewhere other than Washington? I did. I used to live in rural Tacoma. I know how beautiful it is there. But family circumstances required I move, and I learned to appreciate New England. It took me 2 years, but I did it.\n\nMy recommendation? Meet his family.  (Wonderful guys usually come from nice families, so I bet they're nice). And marry him.
375462
When someone leaves on a deployment it's like you hit a brick wall.  They keep moving forward and you can't go along for the ride.  You have no idea what he's dealing with, and you can't relate when he tells you about his day.  You just have to listen, but chances are you won't understand.  You'll be worried sick while he's gone and stupid things will make you break down in tears.  Don't kid yourself.  Being over there and knowing your job is a lot different than being the one that sits at home waiting by the phone...Hoping that the conversation with him you had the other day wasn't indeed the last one you'll ever have with him.
535311
My dad was deployed on a lot of holidays when I was growing up.  My mom invited soldiers over whose family was in the States or somewhere else.  Thanksgiving isn't just about family its about being with friends too, so she just made sure that if anyone didn't have a place to go they were at our house!
363035
I completely understand how you feel.  I hate being anywhere but home, it is an uncomfortable, anxious nagging want to escape pressure that you have to control and act like you don't feel.\n\nTell your husband, and his family you have other plans.  I say tell his family so he does not try to explain in a way they will not understand.  Maybe going every other time will make it easier for you to deal with.  Tell them you just need sometime to work on things at home...like your peace of mind, yeah, don't tell them that part. :))