I have been with my guy for over 4 years.  We have planned on marrying each other for a long time, but we (and out families) don't have the money needed for a nice wedding and rings and stuff.  He said we could get married now at the courthouse and then have a wedding ceremony when we are ready.  The main reason this interests me is because I am anxious to get rid of my last name and take his which sounds much better.  Is that silly, I mean I'm going to marry him either way, why not now?
122474
If this was the ONLY reason for your getting married, I would be very worried, and advise you to get help. BUT that is not the case, your already engaged and planning to spend the rest of your life with this person. The only thing holding you back is finances. \n\nSo even though the last name thing is one reason, its not the main or only reason for getting married. So I'd say go for it. As long as you love each other, and want to be joined in the eyes of the government why not?
605705
When he says 'better established', he means he wants enough money to be able to afford the finer things in life and take care of you. This is the only reason I would ask you to wait. When you have children, money is vital to their health, education, and care. If he needs to feel financially ready to marry, then you must wait, otherwise he will be bitter when you have children and cannot make ends meet. You need a solid post secondary education yourself. Don't marry until you are established. He's less emotional, and more of a thinker. If he says wait and says you're definitely the one, then wait, what is the difference between marriage and being together every day anyway? it's even better than marriage. If he says wait, and doesn't ever say you're the one, marriage is definite 'one day', then he just doesn't like being alone right now and has no problems spending time with you now, and you're not really "the one" for him in the future.
226430
I think legal marriage is just a peice of paper. Being married is really in your heart.  whats stopping you from throwing a big party, exchanging vows and rings accompanied by your family and close friends? i believe there are churches geared toward the gay and lesbian community that can give you guidance. Either way. congratulations on finding that special someone in your life.
362448
Oh, poor guy... Just listen to what you're saying: you're basically TRYING TO MAKE HIM marry you. With that kind of attitude, I don't think that guy will marry you without doubting himself whether this relationship will work. If you try to push him here, what else does he have to expect, once you're married and live together? He won't have a second of freedom to breathe - that's what you're telling him.\nDon't get frustrated. If he doesn't propose just yet - he's got a reason to do that. Either he is trying to make a surprise for you, or maybe, he is still trying to figure out how will this whole marriage thing work. If you think he's not really planning to propose - then why in the world do you insist on him to do that? If he does plan to propose and waits for the right moment, you're pushing that moment farther and farther away, because you're thinking about it all the time, and he can't propose to you by surprise if that's all you think about. Maybe, he's been carrying a ring in his pocket for weeks now. But when you two meet.... "Hi, honey, when are you going to propose to me?" -" Oh, yea, I was just going to do that..." Sweet surprise, isn't it? Give him time and space, let him get ready. It's a big step in both of your lives. And it's not every day you get married.\nBtw... Me and my gf have known each other for almost 3 years. And yet I still haven't proposed to her (even though we too talked about marriage many times). We are still figuring out each other, trying to understand the relationship better and soften out sharp egdes, which have a potential of ruining our relationship. Once we both think we've got to know each other well enough, then we'll start making plans of a wedding. Until then, we enjoy each others' company and get to know ourselves really well. One thing neither of us wants to happen is to find some really bad surprise about another person when we're already married. Way too many relationships brake up because they started too quickly. If people in those relationships would get to know each other before dating - maybe they'd never want to date another person and save tons of nerves and time.
255918
I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want to "seal the deal". I would caution against making a big deal out of it at this stage in life, however.\n\nThe two of you are already as established family. This marriage, if it is to happen, should not be a means of taking the next step, but confirming you have already taken it and are committed to one another, if that makes sense. If he does not feel this way, then you certainly do not want to push marriage.\n\nAlso... Having had a baby and (presumably) lived together, you're sort of past the point of the traditional big white wedding, if you know what I mean!
237022
The important thing is for you and your beloved to have a day the feels special to the both of you.  Depending on where you live, some states allow a lay person(someone who is not a minister or a justice of the peace) to get a special license for 1 day, and they can marry you.  So that wouldn't be too expensive(maybe the person you ask to do it would even pay for the license themselves).  You could also find a justice of the peace, or go to your local city or town hall and ask if they do wedding ceremonies.  You could keep your ceremony small, and just have immediate family.  That way you don't have to pay for a lot of flowers or decorations.  Then for the ceremony, it depends on how many people you want to invite.  My ceremony was in my church, and then our reception was at a small hotel.  We had less than 50 people, but our total cost was still over $5,000, which included my dress, alterations, flowers, food, hubbies tux, etc.  If either of you belong to a church, you should be able to get married in it for a small fee(if any).  Then you could just do a small ceremony afterwards.  Some people are doing just appetizers, or just desserts.  It's basically just an hour or so, lets everyone mingle, then there could be a toast and people can go on their way.  As far as invitations, you can buy nice paper at an office supply store and print them yourselves.  If you have a small reception with just apps or desserts, include that so people don't expect to be fed.  But it's all perfectly okay!!
485377
Most likely your prospective bride/groom would be very upset.  Some of the family will probably be upset and wedding guests who spent good money to come to the wedding would be unhappy.  Also, most likely you would lose all the the money you have put into the event as by now everything has been put into writing.\n\nHowever, if you are REALLY not ready for marriage (this isn't just cold feet?) you need to talk to your fiancee and be honest with him/her.  It is unfair for him/her if you are not.  Sure they will be upset, but what about if you go through with it to only get a divorce.\n\nI would tell them, but I would also go ahead and have a reception for people who came anyways.  Maybe do what the one lady did.  She turned her reception into a charity event (because the wedding was called off).\n\nAlso, I would try to tell him/her as soon as possible.  Don't leave him/her at the alter, that is just plain mean.  It's better if you don't do it in front of everyone or right before the ceremony/\n\nGood Luck!
186384
It seems that the world is probably against you this day in age with quicky weddings and quicky divorces. Alot of the young couples I know get married really quick without thinking everything through. Call it the "want to be a bride" syndrome. Once you live together and share your lives together...things change. But if you really love each other,have talked everything through, and understand what hard work marriagetakes...you may be happy together forever. Good luck!
302102
Honestly?  If you are having to ask this question, you are obviously not ready.  There is nothing wrong with not being ready.  Marriage shouldn't be "disposable".  You shouldn't marry thinking, "Oh, well, I can always get divorced!"  That shouldn't be what it's all about.  Marriage is difficult at times, and you should only marry someone you love, and someone with whom you would love to have a family with, and with the intent of growing old with that person.  It isn't always romantic, it's about washing underwear with brown streaks on them, it's about supporting each other through the worse possible moments, it's about letting him see you without your make-up and you taking care of him when he's all sick and nasty...if you can honestly say that you would be there through EVERYTHING, then you are ready...if not, you are better off waiting.  If it is meant to be, it will be, no matter what!
195274
Kevin said it best. I know you are excited and hate being in suspense, but that is the whole point. He wants it to be a suprise. So if you want it to be the best don't keep asking and just wait till he does it. You will love it more. My fiance knew I was buying a ring, but had no idea when or how I would propose. I waited till I knew she had no clue and then popped the question at sunset on the beach of Lake Michigan, it was beautiful. So he will propose when the time is right just be patient.
317918
When you become engaged you have said "yes, i will marry you."  The engagement should last only so long as it takes to plan the wedding.  \n\nI don't understand engagements longer than a year really - but then I think one should live with a person before deciding to marry them (so you truly know what you are signing up for).  \n\nBest wishes my dear, for a long and happy life together!
249856
I am actually one of those girls that has been engaged for years (2 to be exact). We got engaged before I finished my undergrad degree and decide to wait until I finished my masters. Anyway, it seems to me that just as long as you and your boyfriend have similar life goals, marriage may not need to be rushed into. Maybe you should wait until after you are done with school. Then you will have more money and time to plan your wedding. At the risk of scaring him away, I think that you should at least sit down and have a serious conversation about where you both see each other in the next 5 years. Having a frank conversation about your goals will help you to determine whether he is genuine when he says that you are the one, or if this is simply a ploy he uses to avoid confrontation or a possible break up. Remember that a marriage is life long commitment. It isn't something you should try to squeeze between school semesters out of convenience.
407788
The next time that he brings it up just tell him point blank you are not ready yet, and if he would just relax a little about it maybe you will feel more comfortable getting married in the future. Just be sure to let him know that you do not want to loose what the 2 of you have now.
349878
please its just a ring, i would much rather have a happy marriage, than a bad marriage and a big ring, get whatever you can afford and do it.....\nps whats the point of being engaged if u do not want to be married?
440555
I agree ..come on u need to know the guy u r getting married to ..call it off if u have a problem..may not be as easy as it sounds but yes u can do what u want.
51382
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWICE BOTH TIMES I WAS MARRIED IN FRONT OF AN JUDGEIN THE COURTHOUSE BUT IT TAKES LESS MONEY . I ONLY HAD A FEW PEOPLE THAT WENT WITH US BOTH TIMES. ONLY THING YOU NEED REALLY IS MARRIAGE LISEASE AND A COUPLE OF PEOPLE AS AN WENDESS AND THAT'S ALL. I DON'T GO TO CHURCH NEITHER MY EX-HUSBAND OR MY HUSBAND NOW. THEY DON'T AT THE COURTHOUSE. CALL AHEAD FOR AN APPOINTMENT AND PRICES.
645635
It really depends on what kind of nuptial ceremony you plan on having?  Something informal with low overhead?  Then sure, get married first as that won't crunch the pocket book.  Now if you want a "Cinderella" wedding, then WAIT!!!!!!!!!! I would definitely purchase a house first!! Housing prices generally continue to go up, hence, equity in your pocket!! If you are worried about what family will say, who cares?? It's your life and you are only trying to better it!\n\nGood luck :)\n\nP.S......... purchasing a house sans marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with who gets what should you seperate prior to getting married.  How you take title DOES!!  Should you purchase the home prior to marriage, you would each take title in your individual name, then after each of your names, you would state "single man" and "single woman" (assuming neither of you has been married before.  If either of you has been married before, then after that person's name it would say, "unmarried man/woman".  You would then have to decide that should one of you die before the other whether or not you want to leave your share of the house to the other person OR to someone else.  I'll give you an example of each:\n\nThis would be if both have never been married before AND want to leave the house to the surviving partner:\n\nJonh Doe- single man and Suzie Smith-single woman as joint tenants.\n\nNow if each of you would prefer to leave your half of the house to someone else, this is how you would take title (again, assuming neither of you has been married):\n\nJohn Doe-single man  (list his percentage of ownership) and Suzie Smith-single woman (list her percentage of ownership) with right of survivorship.\n\nIn this case, you would state in a will or trust or even on a notorized piece of paper, "who" your percentage of the house goes to. Also, in either example, if one of you has been married you would just change out "single" to read "unmarried".\n\nmb