Today i took a crazy glue bottle to school and i tell my friend Michelle,"Hey , look what i got," I show her the bottle. Then i ask her, "Guess where i put it?" she automatically jumps out of her chair and examines her seat to find that i did not put any  glue on her chair. So just try that on April first see how many people you fool. Well then i ask her to glue her fingers together but she wouldn't do it so if someone out there has ever had an accident when you where stuck with crazy glue please feel free to share it with me.
121552
I glued my thumb to the side of my fore finger once and it peeled some skin off.  It was sore and red for a week!!
596504
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).\n\nOne day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).\nNow fast forward a few months...it's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!\nMy mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"
327818
set her up and do sneaky mean things like gluing her coffee cup to her desk...super glue is a beautiful thing. no really..just try to avoid her at all costs and dont worry people like that will hang themselves, just give her time.
174832
This woman on the London Underground just undid her top and sensually massaged oil into her chest for like five minutes, with a look of silent ecstacy on her face whilst I did my best to ignore her, and all the guys in the carriage craned for a better look.  She then did up her shirt, put her oil back in her bag, and sat like a perfectly civilised person for the rest of the journey.  This was in December by the way - it was by no means warm out.\n\nI work in Superdrug and this guy walked up to my mate and said very aggressively - "what you staring at???!"She flinched and he smiled and said "Just kidding, were's the toothpaste?"\nShe was a little alarmed.\n\nAlso at Superdrug this woman came in and asked for "bum deodorant."  I calmly explained that we do not cell such a thing, and asked her if she meant deodorant for feminine hygiene, but she was insistent it was bum deodorant.  I told her I was certain that was not an item we could provide her with and left her to her own devices.  About ten minutes later she approached me with a regular roll-on deodorant in her hand, the type you twist to open.  She proudly proclaimed that she had found it and this was her usual brand.  When I continued to look at her in utter beweilderment she kindly shared with me the label, which read, "to use, twist at bottom".\nSuperdrug never fails to amaze me...
137304
Wow.\nNow I am paranoid.\nThis is going to sound totally random, but I picked a dandelion today and I'm wondering what effect that might have had.  You never know.\n(The gardeners at my college would just have pulled it though, at least I enjoyed looking at it while I was in class...)\nLOL.  Interesting question.
118277
Yes.  I was talking with a friend of mine and told her that a mutual friend of ours was pregnant.  Another friend that knew the supposedly pregnant woman had told me, and I trusted her because she was roommates with the woman at the time.  My friend said the woman wasn't pregnant, she was depressed and had put on a little weight.  I said no way (not very nicely) and my friend got angry.  A couple of days later, I asked the woman if she was pregnant and she burst out crying and told me about losing her boyfriend.  I was so embarrassed.  I called my friend and asked her out to dinner and while we were eating (she is a forgiving soul, and I was picking up the tab :)  ), I apologized and said what a jerk I was.  She agreed with me and let it go.  I try to verify things now.  If I am going to take a strong stand on something I say, I want to be well informed.
590124
When I was doing my final exams at university I was stressed out with insomnia... My twin sister sent me a box in the post wrapped in paper with a red cross painted on... inside was a mix tape of soothing songs she'd made, a bar of chocolate with a label saying "Eat me", a box of Valerian tea bags with a label saying "Drink me", aromatherapy bubble bath with a label saying "Don't drink me!". I burst into tears when I opened it!
123311
Hey Jodie! DON'T BLOW MY COVER!!! Please e-mail me I have alot to tell you. My foot is getting better. I go to hospital tomorrow. I hope you're not upset with me? I really miss your "fun" Jodie Foster questions. YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED, I MYSELF COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!!! lollll
266979
did she accidentally spill a CRAZY GLUE on it?... eWWWW!
176709
I have often seen these mistakes go unchecked by the teachers at my daughter's school. When I asked why, I was told that the thoughts and emotions being expressed were more important than the manner in which they were expressed. I disagree. I cannot take a person seriously if they cannot spell and punctuate. I'm afraid I automatically assume they are stupid. Sorry!
69343
My brother called our friend who was on probation posing as a probation officer named, "Charlie Brown".  He asked her if she had served her community hours.  She said yes, I served them at the fire department, I cleaned and did some odd work.  My brother told her are you sure?  Because I spoke with "Beetle Bailey", and he told me you didn't go.  You could hear it in her voice she was getting kind of scared. My brother asked her, did you use the tiny bubbles to clean the toilet? No, I used what they had. Well, he says, I'll call "Beetle Bailey" back and see if he made a mistake. I hope your not giving me a bucnh of--WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! (he made the sound of charlie brown's mom).  She said, I'm not.   my brother could not go any further and started to laugh.  My friend was very angry,  but she got over it, when she pulled a prank on him...revenge.
407020
OK i was in 5th grade grade and i just had this special kind of braces put on my teeth. for the first week i could only eat liquid stuff. so i when to school and my mom made me some soupy pudding. and i sat down to eat but couldn't get the top off the container. so i pulled one more time and the pudding went all over my pants. everyone was laughing. i had to go to the office and call my mom *sigh* that is one of the worst. but think back now it was funny.
530088
i will never age. i took the potion. i got it at a garage sale for 3 bucks. (a steal!) i will be young forever, that's what the lady wearing a flower muu muu told me. so sorry for the rest of you suckers!
416621
lol... I used to be fascinated by that... When I was younger, I would cover my hands with glue and just take it off... hey, it's better than eating the glue!
539977
I had a terrible time learning the multiplication tables.  I finally made a tape of myself singing them in a song I made up.  It helped that I made the song and funny sounds for the music while in the bathtub.  Reading the tables while singing the song would help.  \n\nMy mother still has the tape.
285442
This morning with my 16-year-old daughter. She made the mistake of asking why she had to listen to me, anyway?\n\nI pointed out that since I pay for everything from the clothes on her back to the food that she eats to the $150 soccer cleats I just bought her that she HAD to have -- then she has to listen to me. \n\nI also pointed out that since I still have the receipt for those yet unworn cleats, I would have no problem bringing them back if she didn't smarten up and act like the mature human being she keeps telling me she is.\n\nShe decided to smarten up.
666678
Dear Jassa b,\n            What do you think? Does all these stupidities work? Abstain from such handiwork. These are Satan's handiwork. There was a research done in America. There was a Professor who taught a class of 100 students. After a week, the Professor said, I have got to know the nature and past of every student. I will write it on papers and give the students. After it, the students will open it simultaneously and tell whether it is true or not. The Professor wrote the nature and past of every student and distributed them among the students. When the students opened them, more than 90 % students said that the Professor was 100 % correct and the remaining 8 or 9 % said that the Professor was 90% correct. After that, the Professor told that he wrote the same thing for every student. You know there are certain things which are for sure, which anyone can say. Like, I say that in the next 6 months, you will hear a good news. Even if 100 bad things have happened, at least one good thing will happen. Its just a guess.\n\nSo ....  Abstain from palmistry.