My future sister-in-laws boyfriend (hes 43 shes 30) and her have been dating for about 6 months now. He used to be her high school teacher by the way. anyhow, they barely fool around and they havent even had sex yet. theyve talked about this but he claims its stress and such and thats why he doesnt pursue anything sexual. and last night she got fed up when he text messaged her and said, "youre a great friend." she replied with, "i hope one day we could be more than that." not meaning sexual but more intimate and romantic. he replies with, "youre awesome!" what are your thoughts on this situation, on this guy?
137822
She should drop him. He's obviously in a mid-life-crisis or something but she'll only end up hurt. I think he's a weirdo and he has no clue what he wants... maybe he's a-sexual but that won't be satisfying to her so definitely drop him!
57005
did you marry the same guy?  It could mean that you want some more romance or something in your relationship.  What do you think it means? that is proabalby the most importatn question
98108
Why is he still single (unmarried) at 43? Why do you always have to start the discussion about moving in together? Why did he make that remark?\n\nI think you are right to wonder about his commitment to the relationship. But don't overreact - take it easy. I may be wrong!
606056
i say he loves and respects you and is trying to learn from his mistakes - before he leaped too quickly and it ended badly. I usually tell guys to wait until she is ready but I have to switch this time and say hey wait until he is ready. relationships are hard enough all by themselves without added pressure. sounds like a keeper to me. Be happy
91796
Wow.  That's a lotta question, that is, girl!  Let me translate roughly, see if I understand you.  There's a man, older or younger than yourself you have not said, who is a dear friend, who treats you very well, but something is missing in your response to him.  So you say, at one point, "no way what am i talking about . . . i don't know what I feel."  Oh, honey, I know old people may seem to be laughing at you when they say things like this, but I do, really, know the feeling.  \n\nSeems whenever you're confronted with an important decision (am I right that someone or some circumstances are pressuring you to marry him?), and you are of two minds about it, you need time for those two minds to have it out.  So you beg for time.  It's attractive, gives him hope, and does not burn your bridges.\n\nThen you must, in good faith, use that time for self analysis.  What is it that is missing in being with this man, in imagining being with him for the rest of your life?  Is there something that you fear will happen to make that something to regret?  If so, focus on that fear and ask yourself some real honest questions about (1) how reasonable and rational is your fear; (2) how much has to do with a Hollywood-produced image of romantic love that just isn't in the time you spend with this man who apparently is pretty sincere in wanting you for his wife.  Am I right so far?\n\nThen the question has to be, how fair is it to compare a real, flesh-and-blood man with those guys who are up on that screen precisely because they look good.  They look good; some of them real, real good.  So what?  What's that got to do with the real world?  If a man does not seem downright ugly to you, which is far more flexible than most people imagine, then how kind and good, how sincerely your friend and partner, both in and out of the bedroom, is far, far more important than playing out some Hollywood scene.  You know it already, but maybe you need old auntb93 to remind you.
232294
You don't say if you are romantic, or merely friends.\n\nIf you are merely friends, and you are in a long distance friendship - and if your hubby knows about this man, then what the heck?\n\nIf this friendship works for you both, by all means, enjoy it...life is too short to worry about what others think.\n\nEnjoy!
563185
The way I see it, is he isn't really interested. That is was different just emailing each other, but when she goes for a visit, his number is changed, and no contact until she is well out of the area. And now she is moving there, and he is very busy..... One: I would find out if he is married, or has a live in girlfriend. Two: ask him straight out what the deal is. Also you say she wants to cont the "childhood" romance.... she is all grown up now. And she really doesn't know him as a person, it sounds like he has changed. But I think she should ask him if he wants to have some sort of releationship with her. Or if he was just carring on a email romance?? Tell your friend good luck, and I hope she doesn't get her heart broken.
444357
Times-a-changing!\n\nMy dear......Jim sounds like a real nice guy........n he is very considerate & caring for others' feelings!\n\nI believe jim is subtlely giving u a message.......that he has found someone whom he enjoys being with........n he did mention that this is one of his colleagues ........ which means he gets to see her almost daily.\n\nJim is considerate enough not to tell u bluntly........he just mentioned his recent date to u.......n changed the subject when u persue it.\n\nRemember......u r both college grads......educated.... learned & intelligent.......so there is no need for him to give u details.........n it shows his quality in NOT going into details.........he would expect u to understand!\n\nwhat's going on with Jim?.........he is moving on.....getting his career in shape.........n establishing his niche in this working world.........n developing feelings for someone who is close......near to......& constantly in his sphere of breathing & living!\n \nMy dear.....dont feel hurt......do your own thing.....n please give Jim his due respect........he IS a nice & very considerate person..........otherwise u wouldnt drive out just to be with him each weekend.\n\nNow that Jim wants to build his own world & nest....... please let him...........n I am sure he will always be your good friend that u could count on any rainy day!\n\nHumans have sensitive feelings.........unfortunately...... they do get very hurt at times..........Take care!
533648
To make a long story short, this is some guy that she must have met and given her number to.  So far he is expressing his admiration for her.  It doesnt sound like it has gone any further than that at this point.  You need to find out whats up with this.
141653
It is the guys polite way of letting you know that he thinks that you and him are not going to make a good couple. That "click" or connection could vary from general interests to something sexual.  I am also guessing that he might not be ready to take on a commitment of a father figure. Even though I am sure that is not what you are asking him to become right now, the fact that he lives the single life makes me wonder if he is ready to take on a responsibility that big. That might be his other reason for not "clicking". I think that he is trying to sugar coat the subject by suggesting that he is afraid to get hurt. I think that he is afraid to have to grow up and be involved in a mature relationship.  Whatever his reasons are, you don't need him. Anyone that cant appreciate a strong, independent woman, isn't worth the time of day anyway.
47758
Oh you too hah sista girl.   I agree with Malfean,....deep within (and if you are honest with yourself), you would like to know what it would be like to experience a sexual encounter with this individual you're fantasizing about. Been there and came damb close; however, I've realized that.... this was all I pictured him for (sex and a little intimatcy....hugging - kissing)....there was nothing else....no visions of hangging with friends together, walking in the park, dinner and the movies, sitting up together on the sofa having good dilogue about whatever, bringing the paycheck home to you (hello..).... it was just sex, good sex, more sex and sex....I tried picturing doing other things with him and the imaganation didn't go that far....why???.....well, your soul mate (and that's your husband) have and will probably always supply you with those little things that truely matters. The things mentioned above (hangging together..etc.) will go farther than a good quick fix in the sack. I know it's just fantacy...but sometimes you have to see it for what it truely is...you'll realize it means nothing...so let it go.\n \nNow sometimes our spouses becomes less attractive to us over the years depending on how much they have let themselves go in appearance or how lazy and boring they may have become,...so we fantasize about someone who is just the opposite of your spouse; however, I've learned that if I'm to be in this thing 'til death do us part', I benefit more by talking to him (my spouse) about what we can do to make daily interaction with each other more exciting.... therefore, bring that excitement to the bedroom later on.....\n\nGirrrrllll...look at me giving advise about something I need to work on myself....but non the less, I know it's what I need to do to keep thoughts of other men out of my head when I'm with my husband. (Oooh, I did say other MEN hah....ummm...I mean that man...)..SMILE!!!!.... It's working though.\n\nSo good so far. It may get tough at times, but keep your interaction with each other positive and exciting...laugh a lot...it helps.
382822
oh. the same sh*** again and again. A woman likes a man and says his wife or gf isn't good enough.. doesn't deserve him and can't make him happy as much as she would have! You disgust me! why are you talking to him on the phone in the first place?? and how come there s nothing sexual while you are hoping to get him as soon as you can?\neither his wife is a good person while you are the bad one here, or he s just telling these stories to get your sympathy..use his misery as an excuse to sleep with you, and in that case both of you are sh** and the wife, again, is the only good person in this story.
376237
if he was just after sex he would be asking in person === he prob sees the emails and phones as safe --- ie no chance of real sex \n\nin person he allows you the control --- so your feelings and his respect for them means he will wait until you are ready --- no matter how long it takes
308767
No means no...pure and simple. My wife and I have a great love life and we have never shied from trying new things, at least once. However, having said that..our cardinal rule is.."NO means NO." Communication and trust are two very important aspects of any relationship (friends or beyond). This guy is no friend to you and I bet he is not the one asking for the 3some either. If his gf was so interested, she should be doing the asking/ getting to know you stuff..not him. Drop the loser like a hot rock and walk away..after telling him you have reported him for sexual harassment. Someday, you might actually wonder what it would be like..but if it isn't your desire to find out..then no way could you enjoy any such experience. WALK AWAY!
555854
I agree for dating, yes, that kind of guy if fun.\n\nBut for marriage, she really wants a guy she can laugh with, TRUST, depend upon, that he'll be a good provider, and keep the lawn nice, AND help with dinner dishes, and most ideal, cook side by side with her in a fun way, plus be best friends with, and have \ns e x with when they please.\n\nOK, maybe this total male doesn't exist, but we can dream can't we?
550351
"No strings attached" doesn't mean "I couldn't care less about you" and the operative word in "friends with benefits *should* be "Friends" and not "benefits".\n\nI honestly can not tell what is on his mind, but here are some possibilities:\nIt could be he likes you and enjoyed himself and wants the pleasure to linger on for a while. Putting it another way, lets say that a guy is really into some sports, e.g. basketball, and him and a friend go for a game of hoops in the afternoon. He might like to meet that guy for happy hour just to talk about the game.\n\nOr maybe he cares for you as a friend and knowing that most women are more sensitive and worried about being a "ho" (as you put it), he is giving you a call to make it less "ho-ish" for you.\n\nMaybe he is having blossoming feelings for you, which might or not grow into something. Maybe he is even in love.\n\nNow for some negative possibilities:\nMaybe he is a love junkie and has a need for falling in love.\n\nOr (and this is the worst scenario) maybe the sex is not enough and he gets off on making women fall in love. This is how it might work for him. The game of sex&seduction is a game which is won when you overpower and controll the opponent: YOU. This can be achieved by seducing a virgin or a commited woman or by getting her to do something she might not be inclined to, like anal sex. In an extreme, it could come to rape. The thrill come from the feeling of power. In the relation you described, you are not being submissive at all and he might feel that making you falling in love would be a way to "submit you".\n\nOnce again, I have no idea of what is going on in his mind and these are only ideas. I hope they helped.
495125
Not knowing is the worst.  But have faith.   What are his reations to you?? any kind words, flirting?    Just tell him if it gets too hard.