I am in a relationship with a woman that is going through depression due to various happenings in her life---Child Protection taking kids away, loss of family member, trying to get family all together at once.  She says she loves me, and I want to believe her, but at times it seems as if though she hates me.  I want to be with her and help, badly.  She will go through phases where she hates me and wants me to leave her house, but when I do, she takes me back a week later.  Then we are good for a few months, then she explodes again.  She claims that I argue with her, but all I do is talk to her and she yells at me, states her point, then says "i'm not arguing with you" (makes no sense).\nWhat to do?  I need good friends to help me through and make good decisions.  You can correspond here or email me here at Yahoo, name is dg3173.  Thank you.
123145
ive been where you are right now and if you want me to be honest you need to get out of there. dont get me wrong i loved the guy i was with too and i know you feel that if you just up and leave your the bad guy but your not! im only 20 years old and i now suffer alopecia as a result of my relationship. i wouldnt wish that on anyone else. sometimes its ok to love yourself more than the one your with. you only get one shot at life, dont waste it somewhere that your not happy.
640155
You have to now figure out if this is good for you.  She apparently doesn't know what she wants.  Either she's fearful of the life that could include being with the same person until death, or she can't handle being faithful.  She's hurting you, but does she realize it?  Have you ever just sat down with her to figure out what the deal is?  I'm sorry to say that I think a divorce would be the best thing.  She obviously has some issues, and no one can get through to her.
283810
Damn, I wish I had his problems, I am a man and I am going through the exact same thing. It's hard when you want to be with a person and you feel they do not want you. I have tried going on trips just the two of you. If nothing else works ask flat out what is up? This was a good month for me, I got it more than once a week, I still had to beg a few times but at least I got it. I know for a fact it is going to be different this month, I will be begging more but I love her.
644616
It sounds like he has issues to deal with and he is telling her he is not capable of giving her what she wants. Whether it is permanent is on him but she needs to tell hi that she will give him space and stick to it. Tell her to show him support that way and give him a little space to work his demons out. Also Tell her to tell him to let her know when he need to talk and go from there. I know it is difficult to stand by and watch loved ones suffer but if they need space give them SPACE. Tell her to keep her head up and be the supportive partner. He will come around when he realizes he needs her and is ready to talk. take care and she is lucky to have a supportive Friend like you- good job!
199934
She sounds as if she doesn't treat you the way that you would like to be treated. I wouldn't like it, but I am not you.\n\nYou sound like you need someone to hash all of this over with to make sure you know what you are thinking. On observation, you have not been close acting for a while. If you can't tell her, write it a couple of times to get confidence. Then drink a beer or a coffee one day and tell it to her straight. \n\nThen do what you have to do to be happy. No use wasting the rest of your life pretending. Time to be free to be true to yourself.
324998
Listen honey I have been in a bad relationship myself and know where you arecoming from you have to stand up for yourself and move on you say you can't leacve Why? they have got you to the point where you are wallowing in self pity just as they like you. What is happening here is domestic abuse and it has to end before you end first. For your childrens sake leave him if he don't like it tell him where to go ****himself or tell him if he loves you to stand up to his family for you though from the sound of it he is week as s**t no man should ever allow anyone including his family to run you down. I wish i could do more for you but sadly I can't if you need to chat though send me an email and I will keep chatting and offering no strings advice I am a voluntary member of the samaritans and will make timwe to chat if you need me.
527853
If this woman is talking to you in a way that makes you feel like crap, then I think you have already answered your own question.  What do you mean by your last sentence, "Should I try to end the relationship?"  Do you somehow feel like she has started to end it & you want to finish it BEFORE she does?  If so, then do it, because nothing is worse than a person who feels the need to on-up the other in a "dumpee/dumper" situation.  You can get another woman, but you'll never get another Grandmother.  If you gave your word to your Family first, then you will be doing yourself a dis-service by going back on your word.  Your word is your bond.  If this woman (or any other) can't relate to what & who you are, then you gotta ask yourself WHY you are staying with this person.  If it's for her cash, then that will only make you feel like a bigger jerk.  Money does factor into it, but you gotta go with granny.  After she dies, you'll be able to live with yourself because you did what was right.  No woman or man should ever get in the way of family.  This shows lack of compassion. What will happen if you get sick or injured someday?  Will she leave you, or stick by you,  & help you?  Why not ask her these questions & see how she answers you!  I don't need the points, but I did feel the need to get my thoughts on this matter in print for others to read.  Many families are facing similar issues because rest homes are expensive & they treat patients poorly.  You aren't alone in taking on this massive endeavor.  By the way, you have taken on the role of caregiver, which is traditionally a womans job.  As a result, your woman now has stepped into a male role, being the breadwinner & working outside the home.  Don't sell yourself short for staying home & being a caregiver because it is a very important role that most of American Society overlooks & ignores.  Your parents taught you well & the world needs more people who have morals & values when it comes to aging people.  Don't be so proud as to not ask for help if you feel you need it from an outside agency.  Good luck!
3478
Yes, a woman with whom I was a really good friend (I will call her Jane) just turned on me and almost refuses to talk to me now. We don't live near each other anymore, so it's not as big a deal now as it once was. But I have no idea what I did or said to turn her against me. I am one who has really good relationships with people and long-term friendships. So this really took me by surprise.\n\nJane and I used to spend hours together every week and a lot of time on the phone. We were both members of the same professional association. I saw her there and she was really rude to me like I had offended her in a big way. \n\nI am still mystified by this situation and it took place nearly eight years ago. I was told, by a mutual friend who asked me about the break up that Jane had done this in other relationships. That made me feel a little less confused, but I am still saddened by the loss of what I considered a great friendship.
341509
I hate to say it but I have been where she is. I know what she is doing. She is escaping. Video games are the only things she can control right now. She is just as frustrated as you are.Perhaps she didn't sign up to be your house lady or your laundry mat. Maybe she had hopes of being someone or something other than that and unfortunately your complaints are only making things worse. You need to help her recognize her situation and discover what it is she really needs and wants. Part of that may mean she needs some time away from her current situation, time away from the games. You can't impose this time away you can only suggest it. This type of behaviour is definately a sign of unhappiness and a sign she needs to do some changing but I fear, like me, she will have to fall hard to know this. It took some serious life changes to teach me and I hope for her it won't be this way. The best you can do is be as loving and supportive and non-judgemental as possible.
673035
I suggest that you communicate to her one way or another that you are there for her if she needs you.  Say it once and then back off for a while.  She will come to you if she needs to.  It sounds like you maybe feel like you owe her for helping you, but it won't do any good to force your help on her.  Let her contact you.  If she doesn't, you might have to just let it go.
460500
it takes awhile, sometimes a few years. (yeah, i know), but honestly would you rather that she stayed with you and lied about how she really felt? \ndon't both of you deserve to be TRULY loved by someone? it took a lot of courage to tell you she was unhappy and leave although right now i know you hate her guts! but it would have been easier to just pretend. and then you would be left loving a woman that didn't love you the way you should be loved.  \n\nit took me a long time to get over my divorce...i loved him, but i hated him at the same time. it suxs! but in time we came to realize that we were better off separated and we are friends now. we have a child together...so i am in constant contact with him. it's been 8yrs...and although some subjects are a bit touchy still....it's not so bad, and i don't hate him anymore. i might still be disappointed in some things...but the hate is gone.\nhang in there...
657894
I went through this type of situation myself a few years back. I had a friend that smoked pot, slept around, neglected her family, blew money, got drunk all the time, that sort of thing. I couldnt see that she was not good for me and when I finally did and cut things out with her things got so good with my husband and me. A few years back she came back into my life and once again I started hanging out with her again. My husband and I started having problems around the same time. The only advice I can give you is to do what my husband did. He would caution me about her influence but allow me to make my own decisions. Eventually I got the big picture and left well enough alone. I began seeing the destructive behavior that she exhibitted and the behavior that tolerated out of her. People like that always do the same thing. They eventually screw up really bad that the other person has no choice but see what they are really all about. Be there for your girl, caution her but trust her to make the right choices. If you try to force your views and beliefs on her she will only reject you and become bitter with you. By giving her room and allowing her to discover the triths on her own it will be a lesson learned for her in the end. If she stops hanging out with this person then she will always blame you for losing a friend. If the situation is too much for you to handle then you need to decide if this relationship is worth saving. If so allow time to take its course. If not then you need to explain to her that you cannot stand by and watch her destructive behavior any longer. That you only want the best for her and if she cannot see that this friendship will only end up hurting her you cannot stanf by and watch. That you love her to much to watch her do that to herself.  \n\nYou cannot force this on her she will only pull away from you and pull closer to the friend. Remember: The father you push the harder she holds on.
320037
She sounds very tired, scared and very frustrated. Right now what she probably needs is a FRIEND, someone to lean on. So I would advise for you to go and accidently bump into her. Show to her that you still care and want to help her, but don't look like you pity her or she will become worse. Try and get her to relax, unwind because all.\nI think it would help if you did research on depression.
568560
This happened to my husband and I also.  Exactly, almost word for word.  Look.  She wants to know where you are and what you are doing because she loves you sooo much... more than anything in the world...  she can't bear to be without you and so when you are not around her the devil starts making her insecure and making her think there could be things going on.  AND that doesn't neccissarily mean cheating.  He could be telling her that she's not good enough for you, or that you could do better, or that you want out, or that you can't stand being with her.  So many different possibilities.  As far as her thinking that you are mad at her all of the time.  The SAME thing happened at the SAME time with us when we first got married.  I was always crying and always scared that he was mad at me for something...  Even though he wasn't.  He started getting really freaked out and the same thing happened to him.  He lost his sex drive because of it.  Which on my end made it worse because I thought that he didn't love me anymore because woman use sex with her husband that she loves with all of her heart as a way to feel close to him and for her to get the feelings of love from him.  The threats are normal!  No matter what ANYBODY says... they are all normal... Divorce, this, that... NORMAL!!  I don't think that you should divorce her.  We had a lot of struggles with the same thing .. EXACT same thing.  and we have been married HAPPILY married for 2 years now.  DON'T DIVORCE HER!  Especially if you love her.  As far as counceling goes... I didn't want to go either.  It's just a hit to my pride to know that I have to get counceling from somebody else about something that is supposed to be mine to control and make all better.  If you or her wants to talk to me or my hubby email us... it's hurleybabeprincess20@yahoo.com... seriously... \n\nDon't listen to these other idiots.... I would love to talk with her... \nNO marriage is perfect.  And you always have to take time and extra effort to make things work.  Make sure that you go to church regularly... and make sure that the church that you go to is a good church.  You can ask your wife if you can talk to the pastor on your own time about it personally... you will know by what the pastor tells you... if he is called to the ministry.  There will NEVER be a divorce option if he is.  The Bible is specific on the reasons for divorce.  You don't have any of them.  \n\n\nYOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD READ... THE POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND AND GET YOUR WIFE THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE... BOTH BY STORMIE OMARTIAN\n\n\nbtw... where are you 2 located?
186796
There's definitely something going on and I'm sorry to say but she's no good for you. Obviously she's not really caring about how you feel about anything and is using you for financial support. And if she really loved you, she wouldn't get mad about you confiding in your brother. At least you didn't confide in another woman's vagina...for crying out loud. You have your freedom to do confide in anyone you want. Not only is she restricting you but she's also using you. You need to step back and re-examine your true feelings for her. Perhaps you're just in a comfort zone and that's why you want her back. Agree on the break and go out and clear your head. I'm sure that you'll find what you really want...listen to you heart. It knows exactly what it wants...are you listening?
157437
thats can be a tough one. maybe talk to some other people and of her family members that may have the same concerns. get together as a group...not a very large group. maybe you a friend and a fam member...keep it small so she doesn't feel like she's being attacked all at once. tell her your concerns. get some information ready on women in abusive relationships....ie: support groups or counsellors that specialize in that area. cause this sounds like its developing into a pattern that you want to nip in the bud now before she really gets in the deep end. explain to her that its out of love and concern for her and her well being. there are some obvious self esteem issues there for her if she feels she can't stand up for herself or let this guy treat her like that. all you state though is he is being mean. how is he mean. there is no excuse, but, what the situation is will have something to do with how to handle it. cause he may need help of a couples counsellor. he may not be aware of his behaviour and how its affecting her. and if they talk it out it may be able to resolve the problem. if he is hitting and being physically or verbally abusive......then she should get out. cause someone does not need to put up with that for any reason. he needs help no matter what...but if its gone to that then talk to her. maybe get feed back from other people phone a victim support hotline on the situation. i'm sure it can be anonymous if you call
222096
think this is a psychological issue with her wanting both attention, and feeling self loathing for her condition of having to rely on another person...\nperhaps, she knows u are nice, and may want to drive you away to make her self loathing complete...i have a suggestion; try to do something really nice, then talk to her about i dunno, nice things, things that make her feel godd, until you break and strip her entire facade of being evil, until she cries her eyes out. tell her u will be there for her, etc. then once u 'break' her, or strip her facades, maybe you can see the tru pic, or she'll end up loving u till kingdom come...\nsomething like that...