ok, so jesus just rolled out of bed, and boy does he feel awful. that huge party we had last night almost finished his divine @ss. god is still pissed, even though most of the mess has been cleaned up. i think jesus is gonna get a stern lecture when he sobers up a bit more. anyway, buddha went home with not one, but TWO hot chicks last night. talk about excess!! when i asked him "well, what about moderation?" he just smiled and said "what about it?" and took off with his skanks. mohomed went home all angry about the blackeye jesus gave him, but he called this morning and said "it's ok, me and jesus are still boys.." then he muttered something about a j-something, i don't know, maybe he sneezed. so basically, everything turned out ok. jesus is in the shower right now washing the unholy filth off himself. he's got a splitting headache. i asked god if he could take care of that for him, and he said that he could, but he won't. jesus needs to learn a lesson. you guys got any hangover tips?
133213
Yeah, he should get buddah, mohammod and the whole gang around for a lunch time BBQ with lots of greasy food and more booze, and if there is still enough schekels left hire a couple of hookers from the west bank and party like tomorrows the end of the world.
255700
Woke up with a hangover and thought "F*** this, I'm going to be evil for eternity."\n\nNone of this is real, idiot!
537494
Yeah, there is a scripture that says something like "I am a jealous God" (not exact quote) and I have no idea what exactly it was referring to, but it was not our supreme being saying he was jealous.  Geez Louise!  Whomever wrote that surely wasn't quoting God.  God is all love and I would imagine in a constant state of bliss.  Can you really imagine him being angry or jealous.   I don't care what Sunday School teaches, that's just silly!
378625
Do you notice that Jesus first tells the man that all he need do is keep the commandments?  But the man carries on, feeling that it won't be enough for some reason (even though Jesus just said it would)?  He feels he's still lacking.  Jesus tells him what he must do 'to be perfect'.  Not what he must do to gain eternal life.  I don't know about you, but, I have too many other people in my life to take care of to be 'perfect'.  Even as much as I admire Jesus.
539428
My rant today is:  My family and my husbands family are each being stubborn about Thanksgiving and they have me in the middle of their fight.  I'm so sick of OJ; how can that SOB get away with continuing to throw his sickness in our faces.  Have you noticed the price of gas is going up again, the elections are over, next week is a holiday and OPEC and the US Oil companies have us by the balls. The Southern Baptist Convention consists of nothing but belligerent, elitist, bigoted, hypocrites.  \n\nThere, I'm feeling better, thank you for that.  :)
535148
Jesus is complaining that the Pharisees and teachers are distorting the meaning of their religion.  This "adultery" does not refer to sex but to "adulteration", to contamination and unfaithfulness to the true Jewish faith.  They are twisting the meanings of the scriptures to promote their own evil ideas.\n\nLooking at the context, Jesus had just cured a blind, deaf man by casting out a demon.  The Pharisees explained that Jesus had done it with with the permission of the prince of demons.  They then demanded their own personal miracle from Jesus as a test.  Jesus was angry and accused them of discrediting any sign from God that they couldn't control.  He then brought up examples of miracles from the past, Jonah converting the hated Ninevites, the heathen queen of the South coming to learn wisdom from Solomon, to show that the Pharisees were blind to real signs of God's presence.\n\nBy calling them a "generation", Jesus was saying they were controlling the attitudes of an entire generation, setting themselves up as the authority to interpret scripture and religion in their own, twisted, Godless way.
149178
No need to save me, the devil only wanted advice on decorating tips for his dinning room. He's throwing a party for his friends and wants it to the biggest thing since Jesus rose from the dead. Which he is going to be there.. But you didn't hear that from me....Anyway i think there is a little more then just rearranging furniture and painting. He might have a crush on, I think. I'm going to stay in hell for a while longer and see what happens. Oh I got you an invite, so lose those wet noodles and coffee grounds, but bring those fabulous shoes cause we'll be raising hell. But what will I wear? I don't want to ask the devil, i want to impress him, after all, it's not every day the dark lord ask for advice.
245540
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.\n\n"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. "The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"\n\n"Moses," Replied the bird.\n\n"Moses" the burglar laughed.\n\n"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"\n\nThe bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!
254881
First off don't be discouraged at all of the hateful responses you'll see posted. They just haven't see God's love yet. Pray for them.\n\nAs for me, to make it brief because it's kind of long, I was instantly healed physically from the damage that alcohol abuse done to me. I was never interested in God or the whole "religious" thing until one day I went to my cousins church and they prayed for me and I was delivered in an instant! It was truly a miracle. Ever since then (June 9th, 2002) I haven't had a sip of alcohol and have completely devoted my entire life to serving Him. I cannot fully express the joy I have experienced in these almost four years of walking with Jesus. But I know I still have a lot of work to do for Him.  God Bless You amanda2008 God be with you.
241356
Really sweet of U bubbly... Gosh.. I wish I had friends like U!! May his family possess all the strength they caould muster...I dont trust in God, but I hope ur friends do recover from this ordeal of theirs.. And Hope is a strong feeling.. Hope, I will.. \nKeep me posted about their condition, if u dont mind please @ y4yogi_dilboy@yahoo.co.uk   \nGood Luck dear...
590194
Once again, another Christian/Catholic trying to bash other religions in a pathetic way...  Really stupid story dude.... and you say Jesus has been making you smarter??  HOLY SH&T!!!
236903
Well its interesting question. I just put down my binoculars. Jesus was actually talking to a TV mechanic as his set had some problems and so he wanna make everything perfect before the world cup soccer. Mohammed was quite chilled upset with his followers for messing up all he taught them, he was frantically pacing up and down and pondering how to handle this, Buddha as usual is looking around amusingly at other gods around him and wondering why they all look so hassled, And Satan- wow he looked cool in his new shades and his new IPod, he was in the pool with sexy babes and clelebrating his fast popularity amongst earthlings
477222
watching the video made me sick to my stomach. i can't answer why he made that joke. it is something you would have to ask him yourself. i believe all people are to be loved and not singled out because they live contrary to what the bible says. to be honest, i'm just speechless as to a pastor behaving in such a manner.
339642
Funny!!   I just finished reading a "Jesus" joke a few minutes earlier and then along comes this one.  Still laughing.
523505
I have recently been sleeping up to 16 hours with no problem. I decided to go back and talk to my therapist. I'm feeling better now. I'm taking omega 3 fish oils and a daily vitamin. I also bought a book called Battlefield of the mind. Great read. It's helping. Isn't it weird how those Jehovah's witnesses always come over when your life is in a puddle. I don't not like them but I don't agree with their religion.
117937
Get back with you in a minute...can't stop laughing.\n\n\nI'm back. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thanks. Woke the husband up. And , no.
33796
Thanks Becca, and I'm sorry too. That really meant a lot, stay cool girl! \n\nEmail me if you want and no God will always forgive you if you ask 4 it. I know that I've messed up a lot times, sometimes as christians we represent Jesus in such a terrible way, because we've been hurt so we become bitter and take it out on everyone else, a lot of us need to be healed before we try to start witnessing. Again I apologize too, and hope you can forgive me.