I wasnt raised by her and we dont have history btn us. After about 15 yrs of separation, I  came to the US to join her. I was 19 then. Our reunion was rocky from the start. What really bothered me the most and actually affected my life and still does was that she didnt tell the truth about her immigration status and so my status was likewise jeopardised from the very beginning. It was hard not being able to finish college and finding it hard to get work not to mention adjusting to a new environment without any help from her. She didnt really care about my struggles and it was confirmed when she eventually got her residency straighten out and left me to fend for myself.\n I asked her to become a naturalised citizen to help speed up my paperwork and she refused. I told her that doing so would enable me to be able to afford college and get a job more easily but she didnt budge. Eventually she agreed and I didnt even ask why but its hard bse she is so oblivious to everything that happened.
125579
I'm sorry but your mom sux.She is obviously defensive.If you are of age you can become a citizen on your own.
622801
I'd always been extremely close with my mom & we did everything together. Two years ago she had a heart attack & died. They weren't supposed to revive her, but did & she spent two years in nursing homes. I've lost every cent I had in savings paying her bills, she got kicked out of the nursing home because her medicaid wasn't re-approved, so I work a full time job, take care of my two children & try to care for my handicapped mom now. Even tho I love her, I never wanted to be a nurse. I don't like anything I have to do for her. She didn't have her finances in order & now I'm going to have to declare bankruptcy in order to keep from having my wages garnished by the nursing home to pay for her bill. So we are not as close now because she's mentally vague & I'm full of anger & resentment.  Not a good way to live.\nYou never know when it could happen to you - get your finances in order!
69285
yikes.  what did she say that was so awful?\nmaybe it's okay to move and take some time.  she's family; you can always reconnect later.\nhaving an open conversation about what's going on, though, is far better than her just moving quickly and no one talkign about it.  try to stay friends!
676045
It's called burning your bridges behind you. You made your decision and now you need to stick with it. Even if you were accepted back you would never be treated the same again as they know that they can no longer rely on you. Just move on and you will find something better.
619170
You might consider talking with her and sharing your concerns. If you aren't satisfied with the way it went, you could ask for some help by getting someone to mediate. \n\nIf all else fails, you might want to take on the approach that its her duty as a teacher to teach and yours as a student to learn. We can't always get along with everyone, even as adults. And sometimes all we can do is try to get through uncomfortable situations that aren't in our control to change.\n\nI do commend you on taking responsibility for your own actions. Kudos for you :)
30183
Wow. you don't have to be a genius to realise what a bummer of a situation you are in. I had a friend in this situation. Except your mom seems to be sticking in the middle of the U.S., and that is curious to me... usually if people are on the move it is toward bigger and better, and I have actually been to every single town you have lived in (just visiting, I have always lived in TX) and they aren't so great. Have you tried sitting down with her and describing the need that you have, or asking her what compels her so much to keep on the move? What is she running from or what does she gain in being a rolling stone. Try to convey to her what a turmoil it is putting you in to not have a stable environment to become a well-adjusted normal person. Try to understand what her logic is to moving all the time and at the same time convey to her that you need more stability. Let it sink in, and then let her know how you feel about Durant, OK. Good luck.
577776
Well done, I know how hard that was to do, because I've been there in my youth! \n\nNow wait her out and stay as calm as before, continue to be your usual self. \n\nIf you're lucky, this could be a life learning experience for her. If it isn't, don't beat yourself up over her problems, they're her's, not yours. \n\nWhenever others need to control our lives, criticise everything about us, it's usually because they are frightened, or troubled in their own life, or frightened of being left behind. \n\nShe needs you in her life, every bit as much as you need her, she just needs to accept that you are an adult, and learn to treat you with respect. \n\nYou've shaken her, now wait her out. \n\nYou've proven your maturity in the way you handled this situation, it's down to her to follow suit.
667610
im from the uk and met my husdand while he was working there we were married 7 month later ,it will be 25 years this october.we have 4 kids 3 grankids.when i came over here to live they gace me 6 months i had to get and exteniton it my perm red card came.you did answer my question but i took it off,i know you are suposed to take the answers but some people made it seem that i was taking from this country and thats not so.since the card i got said entitled to work and reside permanently in the us and after 24 years of having that same card did not realize ir had expaired 5 months ago.and no i never got a letter. thank you .and yes people can stay together after knowing each other a short time.good luck to you all
406607
Hey, you picked her, and now you're stuck with her forever, because you made a baby with her. You should have fought the move - it may be too late for that now. If she's living in another city, why is she trying to get the house? And why didn't you get an order for "no overnight guests of the opposite gender when the child is home" in your divorce/custody papers? I know a guy who did that, hired a PI and won custody of his 2 girls because the mom couldn't keep her legs crossed when her daughters were home.\n\nHave your visitation order with you and bring the police with you to pick up your kid for visitation. She can't keep the kid from you, and if the cops are already there, the whole tresspassing thing will vanish. Learn what your rights are and fight for them. There are a lot of father's support groups out there with a lot of legal information.\n\nShe is not going to get better. Maybe she will be distracted if she has a few more kids, and maybe you'll get lucky and she'll find another man to torture instead of you.\n\nDocument everything and bring it to court when you have to go. Don't be late with the child support, either, because judges don't look kindly on deadbeats -- and they also don't look kindly on women who won't let the fathers have relationships with the children. Record the phone calls. Get them for harrassment.\n\nGood luck to you.
266341
sorry that things didn't work out.. I am 27 and had a relationship i soooo wanted but it didn't happen for me.. but now i have an even better relationship.\ni believe no real relatioship should be complicated.. i try to stick with the "if someone wants to be with you then they will" It sounds a bit like she is keeping you emotionally hanging on by talking to you each day and that's very unfair, i think you should take some time to distance yourself from her and ask her not to contact you every day, she doesn't need to know ya business, she gave up that right when she split from you she probably only wants to know it to stop you from moving on.. but you really should, once she sees you doing that then she will either realise how crazy she is being and jump at the chance to be with you for real or she will move on also.. either way you will know how she really thinks and feels and move on to better times with or without her.. good luck
405873
i will pray for her:) i think youre a great friend for being so concerend too by the way. it may take a while, but she will be returned to her parents. my half brother was taken away from his mom because of her drug usage, and we gained custody of him for a while. we gave him a wondeful home, but as soon as she cleaned up, they took him away from us and put him wiht her again. that wasnt in his best interest, but usualy, they do go back after everything cools down.  as far as her having to move then. it will hurt like crazy, but you two can still keep in touch. i live in texas now and my BEST friend lives in new york. we talk everyday and e-mail too. we learned to appreciate one another a lot more instead of taking our friendship for granted. we are closer now than ever. change isnt always bad. we both went to school in georgia, but moved when we graduated... im happy and shes happy, even though we miss each other like crazy ( and our families and other friends.) you got the right idea about prayer, it does amazing things... keep it up, and i will too! god bless you!
433796
Were you aware of her diagnosis before marrying her and were you educated? I work with chronic mentally ill people and believe you me I know what you are talking about. It takes a very strong person to deal with BPD.  I have never seen anyone with BPD get better with age. They just learn bigger and better ways of getting attention. Very hard to deal with especially when they are in the world of "ME" that is how I describe them. They are worse than any 12 year old.  I think it depends on how much you are willing to put into this marriage and if you have the strength. I have a friend who stayed in his marriage for 16 years (has 11 yr old daughter he has custody of now) and I watched him suffer dealing with her being hospitalized and she was really abusive. He thought he was obligated to take care of her, therefore, neglecting himself. He is now divorced from her and still at times keeps in touch just to be sure she is safe. She is doing fine. They know how to get their way. Anyway, it just depends on you and how strong you are. Are you willing to live this way the rest of your life? Good Luck to you and God Bless!!!
514418
I have one here. My father had an affair with his secretary and even picked her up to and fro from work in his car..he even asked me to call her mum..i declined of course. But I still claimed that I have a very happy family in front of my classmates..especially when my mother is crying practically every night and on one saturday i remembered i heard the sound of glass smashing from the kitchen. When I came out,my father disappeared and my mother was lying on the floor with fresh blood oozing out from her hand...they divorced soon afterthat. My mother refused to give me to father and I was kept away from him since then. I had a dark period for 3 years and I became anti-social,until 2 years ago when suddenly I started to open up gradually...you know what? I once stayed indoors for a consecutive 2 months.
243001
She is a perfect girl going through stages in life a tough way. Thank God she is being caught and hopefully it will eventually make her come to her senses and change her pitifull lifestyle. We all learn through mistakes and for sure she will learn thru hers too. Many of us have done this and are now responsible citizens & its only when you have been through it that you really get shaped in life. I for one started drinking (heavily) at 18, had a baby when i was 14, had a number of abortions. Was in and out of home as a teenager, cohabited several times as a teenager and did other more worse things and learnt alot from all these mistakes.  Went back to school, and now a chartered marketeer, doing well, raising my son wonderfully and a devout christian. What am saying is your daughter will get through all this, just be there for her no matter what she does. My Mom loved me though I was what others regarded a rotten girl. She loved me and kept telling me I could do it I wasnt all that bad, and I made it. So hang in there and keep encouraging her. She will change. Above all else pray for her, God wont fail you.
332674
Because she is 18 and graduating,I'll bet when you restrict or pressure her,she will end up moving out and either shacking or marrying the 26 year old year old with children or want to.She is not old enough to make it comfortably on her own so she would most likely live with someone else.She will then have herself a ready made family that may or may not work out. You are doing her no favor paying "her"cell phone bill.When I was that age I had strict parents.Every child in our house had chores.We were never charged rent,but was expected to do chores to help out,it was not fair to our parents for them to do all the work when they feed us and gave us a home for as long as we wanted.If you did not follow their curfew and respect their home,then you had to move out. We worked a summer job and when we graduated were expected to work a full time job.If I made any kind of bill,I paid it,they did not.That is not being cruel,that's making me responsible.You are the step parent,so if I were you,I would leave it up to her father(her blood parent)to talk to her.If you try to,she may look at you and say "I don't have to listen to you,you are not my mother".So,for your feelings,let the father have a one on one talk with his daughter.Tell him to explain to her what he seeing her getting into and how it is going to be in reality such as:In the relationship with the 26 year old she will be a mother(step-mom)to another women's children,depending on how active the 26 year old man is, may end  up baby sitting while he's out doing whatever,may end up pregnant by this man and have even another child.Sit her down,don't be mad,just explain to her that yes this is her life and if "she" ends up with the 26 year old,her life is over as she know's it.It will be her burden to carry,not yours.Ask her to think about all the freedoms she has now and how she feels about losing all that at such an early age.You know how real life is and you only want the best for her.Now is the time to talk to her and get her to realize exactly what kind of life she is going to have if she ends up with this man.Don't be mad when you talk to her,just be very honest.Then do not cater to her irresponsibility.Let her pay her bills and live her life.Like my parent's told me,go out and make your bed hard if you want and you,not I will sleep in it.They said if you get into trouble,"you" will have to figure out how to get out of it.I thought my parents were mean,but I realized how much they loved me,some of their advice I didn't listen to,I wished I had.She is graduating and will be an adult somewhat.You have to let her make choices for herself.If she decides on a life of misery,there is not much you or your husband can do to stop her.Give her the best advice you can and stand by your word when you say she is on her own.She will find out really fast that life is not fair,things are exspensive,life is hard,that she had it so good and didn't know it and most of all she will quicklly learn she does not know everything and possibly that you were right.
516383
your daughter reminds me of me when I was that age, except my dad didnt get remarried and have two kids until I was 17.  My mom had to drag it outta him to get the info.  He never calls, never tells me he changed his phone number or address.  I havent see him since I was 10.  thanks for listening. LoL this can turn into a journal thing  haha.  You also remind me of me.  I am also shy and have few friend.  If i ever had kids and one asked me to do that I would feel just like you.  I would have to be honest with her.  Just tell her the truth before she expects 20 people to show up.
273165
OOps sorry let me edit this..\n\nMost important question is - are they LEGALLY your gaurdian?  It sounds like this might be your sister.. or maybe a young aunt.\n\nWhat state are you in?  How old are you?  It depends on how your caregiver will react.  I did the same thing when I was 17 and my parents freaked and were able to take me back.  I spent a few days in Juvi.. but other than that nothing terrible will happen.  If you are 17, I suggest talking to your parents about this and seeing if they would let you.  Does your friends family want you to move there?  Have them talk to your caregiver.  If you are any younger, either wait or have the family talk to your caregiver..  I totally understand where you are coming from, sometimes your home can just be toxic, especially if your parents are going through a divorce, or some issues of their own.. I've been moved out for 2 years now, and even when I come to visit, it just sucks my soul dry.. Some people and places are just so bad for you.  Talk to them .. really.  OR just go ahead and do it, but know this - they will be able to find you - and they will force you to come back - BUT after that happens, they will be open for dialog with you - you will be able to tell them how damaging their home is to you - and they will be able to take you seriously.. This is what happened to me- They never listened until after I ran away.. Then they let me finish my high school degree online and let me move out when I needed to.\n\nTo help you any further, I would need to know your age and your state.\n\nAnd like the other person mentioned, if you are working and making some of your own money, you might be able to get emancipated. \n\nChoices Other Than Emancipation\n\nEmancipation is only one of several alternatives available to you if you feel you cannot live with your caregiver.  You may want to consider other options such as:\n\nfamily counseling or mediation service between you and your parents; \nliving with another responsible adult (aunt, uncle, grandparent, or family friend); \nseeking assistance from public and private agencies; \nan informal agreement with your caregiver allowing you to live outside your home. \n\n\nMy final advice to you is this - family counseling - if nothing else works - this will.  The other person there can help you communicate effectively with your caregiver - and don't assume they will only be on your caregivers side either.  Present your case to them, and unless you have no reason for wanting to move out, they will support you and help you work out a solution with your family..\n\nGood luck, ok?  Feel free to personally email me if you need any personal or legal advice..  Bj_Osterhout@yahoo.com