Im 21 and been married for 2 years with no kids, i realize now I was way too young and I'm not in love with my husband, but everytime I try and tell him I want a divorce, he just says I'm selfish,I shouldn't have said I do and that I need to get over it and be happy. He will NOT listen....help
135895
So, he doesn't agree...big surprise, right?  No way to get your message across, then you'll have to send the message by actions, not words.  While you've been talking and he's not listening, that's all it is...lip service.  What have you done to show him that this marriage was a mistake?  Nothing.  If you are going to end it, then end it.  Move out and leave a note.  Explain that you made a mistake by rushing into this marriage and upon this realization, you need to go.  File the papers and in 3 months or so, you'll be free to live as an independant woman again.  Until then, just lay low and don't listen to his crying and persuations.  Just cut the cord and make it short and sweet.  It'll be easier and less painless in over the long run.
284111
Me and my girl had that same conversation. \n\nWe simply decided that we were to selfish to have kids right now.\n\nWe both work full time jobs, love to sleep in, and we love spending time to our selves. We decided that we have our whole life to have kids, but barley even got a chance to enjoy our lives together. I didn't want to struggle with my kid. I want to have a house and give my kid all that it may need, and right now I'm still working on that. \n\nAsk him if he wants to make you happy, and if so waiting a few years will not hurt anybody and it will give you time to learn each other! Your smart to be cautious!
400269
I would really keep an eye on this ~ Sometimes men feel rejected or left out when there are small children around (and especially when there is a newborn or one on the way) ~ My husband did things like this and I ended up just having to talk to him about it and letting him know that it is not OK.  If you have an issue with it, he should stop doing whatever it is that upsets you.  His first priority is YOU and his children and NOT his first wife.  For him to not tell you until days later is selfish and also shows that he is trying to hide it from you.  My question would be to ask yourself, what else is he hiding?  My husband on the other hand does not do this anymore because I had to keep reminding him that his first priority must be me and the children or else he can just leave.. .Our children are more grown up and independent now, however,  If we didn't have our kids to argue about, we wouldn't argue about anything.  ~ It just takes time and alot of adjustment.  We have been married for 9 years.
209962
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
30035
I was actually in a similar situation.  What I did was I sat down and made a list of all the reasons why I should stay with him and all of the reasons why I shouldn't.  Once I came up with 2 exhaustive lists, I was left with 2 lists of equal length.  Then I sat down and started realizing that the reasons why I should stay were things like "because of the time I've invested" "I'm afraid to be alone" "I don't want to be labeled as divorced" "it will be hard on him" ... the reasons why I should go were things like "I can't carry on an intelligent conversation with him; therefore, he never stimulates me" "he doesn't fit in with my lifestyle" "he is not supportive of me furthering education" "I'm not happy/satisfied".  Realizing how shallow my answers were for why I should stay made me realize the answer for myself.\n\nThis is a question that only you can answer, but maybe taking this approach will help you to think about it logically.  I hope you find your answer and I hope that you find happiness.
385108
You want to end your marriage with someone you supposedly love with all your heart because you can't work out money issues?\n\nSounds like there's another reason for you to be thinking about divorce.
54544
If you are asking this question, chances are much better than not that you aren't in love with him anymore. While I don't think divorce helps kids in the least bit, sometimes staying married "for the kids" does more harm than a divorce would.\n\nYou have to decide for yourself and for your family which is truly in everyone concerned's best interest. Don't count yourself out. If you want to make a go at it, then get counseling, talk, do what you have to.\n\nIf it's time to go.. then it's time to go. Don't be afraid to fight for what is fair... just really look at what is important and try to keep the proceedings as amicable as possible.\n\nGood luck, it won't be easy but I am sure you can do it.
593961
My husband and I at the same point in our lives..I am 37 and he is 36...My clock is almost finished ticking...I too am scared....(I don't understand why especially when 17 and 18 year old are having babies).   I find it especially hard when my friends and I get together...they all talk about their children and well I talk about my two dogs...I do feel uncomfortable...at times.  I think about having children on and off....I always put it off by saying it's not the right time or 'I say next year'...  I am happy at this point in my life and not sure after 17 years of marriage that a child would be a good idea...I just don't know...My husband says he does not want any children...but I do know he would make a great father....It is a hard choice  that I need to make quickly and I will have to make it soon  or time will run out....
321481
I think you need to listen to your heart and make a decision. Don't stay married if you aren't TRUELY happy, it isn't worth it. Take some time to just think without any outside distractions. :)
65470
"I want a baby, and I want it NOW!!" Ha! Ha!  My husband is the opposite, he wants a child now but I would like to wait , I am only 20.  We decided to compromise and wait a year or so,(I wanted to wait 5 years).  I don't know what to tell you to tell him!  Maybe you should ask him what his reasons for waiting are??
249722
My heart breaks for you. You seem so sad and confused.\n\nSpeaking from experience, blending families is not easy. My husband had 1 son living with him and I had 2 when we got married. And the fur did fly often in the early years. I think part of what kept us trying is that we each came from a failed first marriage and truly wanted this one to work. We even went for family counseling. That helped. I'm thinking that you and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you still have enough feelings for each other that if you can get through this you'll find you have a much stronger relationship. I honestly don't think you can do it without professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself. If nothing else it will help you sort out your own feelings.\n\nAlso, pour out your heart to God. He loves you and your husband very much. He wants to be your strength, to comfort and guide you. Beliefnet.com has this (and many others) prayer for your marriage:\n\nBless Our Relationship  \n\nDear God,\nYou have defined my desire: to be of immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort.\n\nI want to honor my spouse--and you--through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me. \nAmen. ~~~ Heather Kopp  |  Source: "God's Little Book of Guarantees for Marriage" \n\nI know you are hurting and wondering if it can be fixed. I believe it can, as long as you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair your marriage. I pray that you both are willing. God bless you both.\n\nP.S. We've been married almost 20 years. The kids are grown with families of their own. We are more in love than ever. I hope you can say this in 2 decades.
69080
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
351465
Hello, I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now.  You must still be very young since you've been married almost 3 years.  No matter how far down the wrong road you go, it is never too far to turn around!  Remember that.  What you should do, take good care of yourself.  If you are so miserable, you are crying yourself to sleep half the time, and your husband is mean and hateful, and lacks responsibility for your son, you are going to have to pull yourself together so you can get out of this situation.  \n\nNow you are married so you can't just walk away.  You have a child with this man and you are legally bound to him through marriage.  You could try some marriage counseling, or if your husband refuses, go to counseling alone- for yourself.  The counseling will help you learn how to mend your marriage or help you with the courage you will need to file for divorce and give you the emotional support you need while you make these changes in your life.\n\nForget about your ex! Right now you need to focus on yourself, your situation, and what YOU are going to do about it.  After you get that figured out, don't forget, you have a very young child of your own that you must put before any other relationship.  Your baby is counting on you for that, and he deserves your full efforts.\n\nGood luck and best wishes.  \n\nS
93400
i would say give him a little more time cuz i understand where he is coming from getting married after a divorce is scary. every relationship you have your afraid that it will turn out like the divorce. dont leave him becuz he wont marry you explain to him you wan tto be married and you'll give him say another year and if he can't marry you by then you need to go your seperate ways. if he doesn't understand or appreciate where you are coming from then it wasn't ment to be. sorry i hope i helped.
578704
I think you already know.  You are not happy in this marriage, your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all.   You don't see any way to get him to change and you don't want to live this way.  I don't like to recommend divorce but if all you say is true than I think that would be the best thing if you want a happy future for yourself.
100529
Divorce sucks, but I wouldn't let the potential keep me from getting married.  Just make sure you really believe it's someone you want to spend your life with.  I know that's easier said than done, but be strong, and be honest with yourself and your partner, and you shouldn't have anything to worry about.  I wish you all the hapiness and luck in your relationships.
227558
I used to practically beg my ex-husband for it... then, after I asked for a divorce, he told me that he was watching movies every night after I went to bed.  (I had no clue & felt so dumb!)  He said that it was because when he was with me it didn't last long (it didn't, maybe 15-20 seconds).  When he, um, took matters into his own hands, he could prolong matters and it felt better.  Then he asked for my help.  It opened the door of communication, I helped with "exercises", but we still divorced.  I was emotionally over him and just drained.  I felt like he lied to me for too many years and he was being selfish.  Don't wait.  Get help now, before it's too late....  What a waste!  We both enjoyed sex - it could have been so much better.