I was in the Navy, I actually bet a Cheif on board my ship 100$ that I can drink him under the table, i actually won, but I got arrested driving home. How about you?
122936
uh streaking in my cowboy boots and cowboy hat and I also played with myself over a fire to see if the white stuff is flammable ended up burning the twins
39486
I was drunk and so was my roomate.  He tossed an almost empty beer can at me and it spilled on me.  I am 2/3 his size.  I fired the can back at him and it smashed him in the face, sending his glasses across the room.  While he looked for them I just sat there and watched TV.  In my mind we were even, I was drunk.  He came over and punched me in the leg and not a second later my fist hit him in his face.  He picked me up above his head so I grabbed his throat with my hand.  Then we moved on.  It was a good one!  True story.
408249
that would be? 10 years ago is not counted with this new offense unless you were extreme DUI or injured someone. That is a pretty high reading. You go to jail in most states at .08. thank the cop for giving you a break and citing and releasing you. the other drunks may have puked on you.
491267
you were wrong for drinking in the car, and underage. i don't blame your cousin for leaving you, he did not want someone drinking in the car which is also against the law. you both could have been in big trouble for your dumb actions. he could have lost his driving privileges. where were your parents?
471493
won 25 thousand at once but spent 200, man best 200 i ever spent. Was mad at my husband for standing me up for our dinner date, so wen he came home I took his wallet and spent all of the money on scratch offs.  I think I should get mad at him more often. LOL
138108
depends how much captain morgan i have drank...
554716
I was jailed for 10 months for assisting an offender and perverting the course of justice. I lied to the police about the whereabouts of my then boyfriend who was wanted by the police. My boyfriend had stabbed somebody that beat up his sister badly and i covered up for him. I thought my sentence was pretty harsh and still do as hit and run drivers get a fine and 3 points even if the victim dies.I wasn't a danger to or harmed anyone.
369933
Hey!!!  How did the news of my antics reach India?  You guessed it …I am the man who won all the bets at the bar.  The best part was the pissing all over the bartender…LOL…I say.  “I bet you are not going to give me the ten points.”
629436
I had my door kicked in by the police and my house was destroyed during their search. They cut open my couch, put holes in my walls looking for drugs that were not there. \n\nThe address on the search warrant showed the house next door.\nOOPS\n\nThen they arrested me an took me to jail for 20 hours to make sure "that I couldn't tip off the neighbor that the warrant was really for"\n\n\n4 years later I just happened to get called for a jury duty with a case that was almost identical to what happened to me and quite frankly I would have voted to hang the police in that case.
642668
100% correct always take your drink with you dont leave it on the bar if someone buys you a drink take it from the bar person \na couple of yrs ago my drink was spiked it could have been really bad but im thankful in a way that i  came round in a police cell i dont remember what happened for a period of 6hrs but apparently i stood infront of a bus and when the police arrived i hit one of them !!! it may sound funny but its horrible missing part of your life and doing things that you would never think of doing normally , it could also have gone the other way and left me with the man who spiked me ...
131904
walked into a police station nude holding a dozen doughnuts and said these are for u for helping the public..then i was arrested..drank jack daniels ..wont drink it again
203078
I performed a wedding one saturday evening and then got invited to the reception. At the reception i tried not to drink to much but i lost count of how many jello shots i had.  to make a long story short i past out at some point in my friends car.  When I woke up the next morning i was being poked  and yelled at by the ushers of my church. I had only 1 hour till I was to give a sermon and i was hungover with the smell of alcohol in clothes. \nThey took me in by the backdoor and down stairs to the kitchen. I had a bird bath in the sick while they sprayed my clothes down with room spray.  i even drank down 2 pots of coffee.\nWhen I got to the sancutary the sounds of the organ about killed me. It felt like it was right in my skull pounding away at my brain. I stumbled around a bit and made it to the pulpit. I held on to the it with dear life and looked up to see my congragation glaring at me.  they was not happy with me!\nI did my best to lead the service but every little noise and every little light seemed to just stab at my brain. When I gave my sermon i did  it in a record 5 minutes and then ended the service. \nAfter the service i proped my self up against the doors to the church and shook hands with the people as they left. Noone really talked to me! \nWhen I got home I spent the day in the bathtub with all the lights out! The next sunday I gave a sermon on drunkeness!
84837
That's a real shame.  You poor, poor, poor dumb ass alcoholic.  Ever consider calling a cab?  Worse yet is the fact that the state you live in allowed you to get 5 DUIs.  Where I'm from you will most times serve after your second.  The simple fact of the matter is that being as old as you are... it's already too late for you.  You will never change ever.  You have chosen to spend your life in a bottle chasing wiener half your age and half the time probably getting paid for it.  You say you have a good lawyer, so why post your question here?  In your reality is there going to be a magic answer on the Internet that is going to keep you out of jail?  I'm half your age and even I know that. Jeez.... I really hope you haven't procreated because if you have I'll bet they're proud of you now.  I'll bet you're proud of yourself.  Not once did you even mention being ashamed of yourself or consider what could have happened had you wrecked.  The best thing you can do for yourself is GO TO JAIL.  At least there you can't drink.  Maybe get yourself a little lesbian lover and spend your time planting flowers instead of graves.
119715
got a job on a ship\nafter two weeks out i asked what do we do for sex out here?\nsomeone pointed to a barrel on deck and said "find the hole and use it"\nso i tried it and fell in love. then i asked how often can i use it.\nmonday,tuesday,thursday,friday,saturday, and sunday, i was told.\nwhat about wednesdays i asked?\nthey replied "that's your day in the barrel"
597287
Thats cool.\nI've got one.\n\nThere's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.\n\nThe poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."\n\n"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
133607
Sorry, you loose the game.\nYou got caught cheating.
500450
thats funny....i really like the one about having to have a drivers license to by liquor when you cant drink and drive... its funny... thanks for the laugh....