We have 2 kids, are parents get along well, hell my Dad loves him. I think I'm attractive, thin, long blonde hair, blue eyes, I'm nice to him, I cook, clean stay at home with the kids. Im an excellent mother, and girlfriend. I don't yell at him or tell him he can't go where he wants to go. Why won't he marry me, he says it's to expensive, I feel as though that excuse is a cop out. If there are any other guys like him reading this, why won't he marry me?
132758
From what you are saying, it sounds like you may be all ready for a relationship, but he is not.\n\nThough, honestly, if you already have children with the guy and yet he is still not "ready" for a commitment - then you probably need to get rid of him. He is not for you. If he does not have the maturity to take responsibility in his life to care for his lady and his kids by at least becoming a legal husband and parent, then there is most likely some serious issue he needs to get over.\n\nI would recommend seeing a counseling psychologist, believe it or not. They really can help in these kinds of situations and will be able to offer some excellent, customised-for-you-and-him advice. That is probably the best route, if you cannot get anything out of him by sitting down and talking, seriously, directly with him. He needs to understand that not only do you want to be married, that you also feel that it is right to get married.\n\nSaying it's "too expensive" is a total cop-out, no questions about it. If two people really wished to (and, hey, when I marry I plan to do something along these lines), they could have a tiny wedding, and cut to the chase right away. "You want to get married? Yeah? Okay then. You're married." Not difficult at all.\n\nAnyway, you need to talk to him about this, and if that does not get you anywhere, try speaking with a personal counselor. I loathe to sound cold, but you may be with a guy who just does not deserve your time and patience.
616954
okay its easy, parents are parents, and no matter what, no matter how it is, parents are always right.. you see, i met this guy.. and he's...not all there, kinda crazy, kinda.. just you know, not there.. and we ended up dating, i thought he was just perfect, blue and black hair... just. you know a babe? im into.. kinda crazy guys,  he was telling me within a month of our relationship that he didnt want to live, and he cut himself and all this..and i ended up getting really down, he told me not to tell anyone, but i told my mother because i thought it was the best,  and she was like nuh oh no way.. and like totally freaked out on me for being with him if he was like that.. i dont even think he believes in god..well he ended up finding it out from someone, and was really upset, i asked him why.. and he said i knew why.. and i told him i did what i thought was best, and that i cared for him.. he ended up calling me all these...few choice words, telling me..few choice things.. and we ended up breaking up...now im with this really nice guy... and everything is working out, just perfectly..and guess what? my mother loves him..but what im saying... is maybe you can talk your parents into it.... maybe like invite him over for dinner and you guys can eat as a family. and it would give your parents an idea to get to know him more, and see what a great guy he really is. or in my case, maybe theres someone better for you..  best of luck.
141653
It is the guys polite way of letting you know that he thinks that you and him are not going to make a good couple. That "click" or connection could vary from general interests to something sexual.  I am also guessing that he might not be ready to take on a commitment of a father figure. Even though I am sure that is not what you are asking him to become right now, the fact that he lives the single life makes me wonder if he is ready to take on a responsibility that big. That might be his other reason for not "clicking". I think that he is trying to sugar coat the subject by suggesting that he is afraid to get hurt. I think that he is afraid to have to grow up and be involved in a mature relationship.  Whatever his reasons are, you don't need him. Anyone that cant appreciate a strong, independent woman, isn't worth the time of day anyway.
133787
In my opinion, you should wait until you get married. Then it will be special. I don't know if you even plan on marrying him, but that is the best thing to do. My dad has been "shacked-up" a couple times, and it hasn't really worked.
113722
This may sound a little wishy-washy, but your dads probably not mad at you, so much as he is at himself. he probably See's himself as a failure for not "raising you right" and not protecting you from this situation. I'm not saying your situation is wrong, just that as a father he probably wanted better for you. Seeing you, reminds him of this feeling of his own failure as a father and protector. the best fix i could think of is time. As he See's you change in his own mind from a little girl into a mother, his attitude will also change.
355509
It sounds like your relationship is great but one thing that worried me - you said you were worried his family wouldn't like you - you should meet them first, and make sure he meets yours first.  \n\nWhen I first started reading your post I had my doubts, BUT \nI don't think the age difference matters in your case.  In some it does, but your relationship does seem more mature.  People always think I am too young also.  I'm 19 and getting married next summer too.  I love this man and he is my best friend and my life partner.  We've been together since I was in middle school and we've grown up together and are still growing together.  I think it's amazing to find a love like this when you are so young.  Don't worry about what everyone else thinks - count your blessings that you have something that some people NEVER find.  \n\nJust be sure you have the same goals, and plans for the future.  For example, in a few years you are going to want a son or daughter with him also.  I am sure you love his son like your own but the time will come when it will drive you crazy that he is not your own and you need to make sure he will be willing to have more children.
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
388416
did your dad get school & college out of the way before having a girl friend, I doubt it.  Tell him your not planning on getting married, just geing a teenager and having some fun.  Being a parent I can understand where he's coming from but I was also a teenager and know that if told no the teen will always do the opposite, I let me daughters do things but we compromise, in your case id say fine but just see him a couple of nights a week so you don't miss out on your studying, you've got to be allowed to live a little !
153483
I have been with my fiance for almost 8 years now, and he also spoke about wanting to marry me for such a long time. We are also from different backgrounds/countries and we have a ten year age difference (he is older). \n\nNow that I am ready for it and am continuing my education (law school), he somehow does not even want to approach the topic. I guess it is like our mother's would tell us: why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free. lol Or something to that effect. \n\nIf we love our men and our patient, we will get what we want. If they are lucky, we may still want them then! :o) Men have insecurities just as women do, and maybe the money issue is something relevant for the two of you. Just like my fiance is insecure about me becoming a lawyer and he is just a "regular person". Oh well, we will just wait and see. Good luck though!
351644
you can not put a worth or price tag on love!!! If you love this man it would not matter if you lived together in a cardboard box as long as you two are together! Your family is only looking out for your best interest so don't get upset with them over it.A parent only wants the best for their child and they already have Been through the struggles of life and most likely don't want you to have to do the same! It does make it easier when someone is are already established in love but your heart just cant see if they have money or not nor does it care! I can however from experience say that its as easy to marry for love as it is for money money does not make the world go around but I'm telling ya it sure does help!Unfortunately we live is a society where unless you make a certain figure you just cant hardly make ends meet!You say things are looking up It doesn't matter if he lives with his parents and he doesn't have a car does he have potential or is he just one of these guys that plans on mooching off of mom and dad forever I mean is he in school ,is he at a job where he has the potential of moving up in the company or is he one who sits at home all day eating potato chips and playing video games!!You have to look with your eyes as well as your heart!If this is what you know you want in life then by all means go for it but realize what you are getting into and if he can not support the two of you just plzz think b4 you bring someone (a child) into it as well! What we choose for ourselves is our business but once you bring in a child the choice and decisions you make in life are not for just you so you have to make them all for them!!!I do hope that Love will conquer all and that you get to go with your heart in the end ,just plz do yourself a favor and make a a list of things that are good and bad about him and be honest if you don't write it honestly your only hurting yourself but write down everything his goals his chances of reaching them where you see him in a few years and think to yourself in 10 years is this what I want for myself? You don't have to break up with him because hes not financially stable but plz do yourself this favor and not marry him until he can take care of you and your future family!! the best of luck to you!!
91217
He should consider her feelings maybe a tht would be moving to fast or is too much of a commitment for her. Or maybe she's scared of her parents finding out. I know my dad would kill me.
572271
At least part of what you should do is wait. I'm a man. All men want to leave progeny. It is a biological imperitive. It sounds like he's just jealous. I hope to God your 9 month old isn't shunned by your new husband.\n\nMen want kids (whether they admit it or not--see, there's a macho component to "siring" off-spring, it is medieval, outgrown). \n\nSome argue that humans, like other mammals, will only care for, really care for, their own kids-- with their genes. I don't buy this. All of us alive today share genes. It's one family, for real.\n\nBut this guy may be trying to incite a kind of hurt in you (he's succeeding) because it hurts him that he didn't father the 3/9 month old. Get it? But he'll come around! I promise.\n\nI don't get why he did this either, if he knew about the 3-month old-he went back on his promise. Is he compulsive? Are you wealthy with your own money? People are not logical most times. That's why "game theory" doesn't work at the Pentagon or on Wall Street. We do things for neurotic, maybe self-destructive reasons. Maybe you need outside help. A marraige counselor, a shrink or two. \n\nDid anything change? Did he meet someone else? Think about that kind of thing. How long did you know him before marrying him, 2 1/2 months. Or maybe 3???? If so, that's not long enough. Is your Mom still alive? She'd be angry at you. Oh, I just got it:\n\nHe thinks you married him ONLY so he'll take care of your child from another person. You need a breadwinner, or at least two bread winner's, to raise a kid these days, so you married him solely so as to care for, pay for, your child.... I bet that is it. Still, you guys had wanted kids've your own, which makes it all even and ok. So there's something missing from your question. Btw, I'd get to a shrink about that depression. True major depression is crippling and life-threatening. Use words with care. True depression (clinical sense) is endogenous, of the body and heritable. So be careful.\n\nRemind the guy that one doesn't use one's kid(s) as "weapons" to fight the spouse with... which everyone does anyway. There's more to this: you've left out or I missed something critical. But here's the general deal:\n\nFirst, wait patiently. He'll change his mind again. He wants kids, we all do (us guys). If he doesn't change in, say, 6 months, he's got or having a kid with someone else I'd bet. Ask. If so he'll be a financial mess I shd think.\n\nAlso: tell him all about what it means to be a Dad, really be a Dad; and that, yes, you want HIM, you chose him, to be this child's Dad.\n\nTell him every damn day. For a month at least.\n\nFinally, use sex as a weapon if you have to. Be creative. You know what he likes? Use that knowledge to give it to him, if you love him.\n\nHey, how to change the mind of the most stubborn guys, even in the Bible, that vixen got Sampson to cut his hair.... (Delilah, now I recall.) Making him weak (impotent). The story is saying that civilizing a man takes some of his power away. That hurts him.\n\nSo get ready to remind him, in about one month:\nBeing a Dad, in reality, is much more than biological parenting and soccer practice. Anyone can do that. It's raising a bright, well-adjusted (whatever that means) young adult, few can do that. Too few.\n\nAnd, as mentioned, all human beings are related, so for goodnes' sake, what is the difference. OK, there is a difference. But in the past, we didn't know there's only one species of human. Mapping Human History, a new trade paperback in the popular science section of the bookstore, does a great job explaining this. \n\nI can see cuckoldry really hurting a guy. But not more. So why'd he marry? Why'd you marry. Good luck. PS: Do you have a sister or girlfriend he likes--be careful--its there or at work that you could lose him to another wom
310986
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
114877
I would like to get married. It would be my second marriage, but the first was such a strange one, I can barely remember it. (I didn't know that guy very well.) Here's my humble advice about marriage: Wait until it gets really "hot". And, along with that, don't marry someone because your parents think you should or because he has the right qualifications. Marry him because you can't live without him otherwise, because you simply "can't" imagine life without him. Good luck. I think it's a noble aspiration and a worthy goal in life.
439843
First off   Congratulations on the arrival of your gorgeous baby girl. Same day as my daughter but 28 years later. Now to your question, l don't believe that it would all be just over a few minor bills. I feel there is definately more to it. Have you tried really talking to him without getting angry and telling him exactly how you feel ? I would try that if you haven't already. Perhaps he is feeling a little left out with the new bubs and all. The fact that he is not affectionate at all is a real worry though. I really hope for your sake that he is not cheating on you, it seems to me that he could well be. Hope you can work this out but if not atleast you have your beautiful daughter to keep you occupied. Good luck with everything.
22573
OK, hon. First of all, you don't need to prove your love to him. No matter what anybody says. No matter who you date, they will never be good enough for mommy and daddy. (Unless they pick the person) Second, don't focus so much on love. Give it time. I don't know how old you are, and personally I don't consider it an issue. If you focus on love, you will be heartbroken if things don't work out. I'm not saying set your standards low. I am not saying don't love this person. What I am saying is spend time with him. Enjoy the relationship. Don't get married young. And for gods sake don't get married without first living with the person. People seem VERY different when you have to share space with them. Trust me about that one. Don't rush. True love doesn't need a wedding band. If you love someone, being with that person should be enough. Sex is nice, but even that isn't necessary. The company of your significant other is all that is necessary. If you two love each other than that is all that matters. Marriage and sex are over rated. (Sex is nice, but still over rated) If you love him then your parents will eventually come to the realization that he is sticking around. They will either come to accept it, or they will disown you. I know this. I have been married. I was only 19. I told my parents the day before. At first they accused me of being crazy. They made some pretty insulting comments, and I told them to go fuck themselves. They learned to accept my wife and even grew to like her. You are your own person. Heres a motto that my stepfather taught me. "If you don't fuck me, feed me, or pay my bills......Go fuck yourself!" Your family is an important part of your life, but you didn't choose them. You were born with them. You couldn't change who they were. Your boyfriend is somebody that you chose to bring into your life. Your parents should respect your decisions. And if they think you are a fool for being with him...... remind them of who taught you. What examples did you have to follow. They are the 2 biggest influences in your life. Whether you know it or not. Everything that you have witnessed from them as a child has molded you to be the person that you are today. Everything from not enough hugs to the overprotectiveness. They have made you who you are. If they are unhappy with that, then they should try to do a better job next time.
92694
From what you said, there is nothing 'wrong' with HIM.  The situation might be weird because of what others say about him or because of the parents being best friends, but HE sounds like a sweetie.  Base HIM on HIM.  Not much else.  It's like not shopping at your favorite store because you don't like the mall it's in..uh..sort of.  It's hard to find a decent guy, so I say go for it.  You already know he's nice.