I have 18 months, he has three years.  He was a drug addict as well (me, too--speed, but primary alcohol).  In the beginning, we talked all the time about our program, our meetings, sponsors, Higher Power, etc.  It has been five months that we have been seeing each other.  He is also working nights, and going to school part time.  I have noticed that he goes to a meeting a week, and is pretty cynical about the "sappy" people in AA, who "hide in the program."  I am one of the sappy ones...AA saved my life.
120581
Some people don't want to associate with people who have helped them through troubled times.  It frightens them, because they remember how bad off they were. While you obtain strength and support from the program, he feels it is holding him back in some way--like it's not letting him move on with his life.\nIf he isn't drinking or hostile, let him be.  If he begins to act hostile, he should seek professional counseling.
262481
My husband leaves me at home 7 days a week. He is a work alcoholic. He says he is not, but I disagree totally. The only time he will take a day off is when I finally blow up. But you can tell he wants to be at work. He LIVES for work only. He works nights which means he sleeps most the day and evening, gets up, eats and leaves for work again. It's not necessary for him to work all these hours, he chooses too. It's destroying our marriage. I tried to tell him, but he just doesn't see it. I too was brought to another city, no car, no job, no friends. And now, not even him. I give up. He just doesn't see that spending quality time together is important. I've talked until I can't talk anymore. Right now, I don't even care if I see him anymore. He has made me bitter. So, I would say, spend some quality time with the love of your life.
571197
I battled drug and alcohol addiction.  Not heroin, but addictions nonetheless.  I knew that the only way I was going to get off the merry-go-round was to remove myself from everything and everyone I knew.  I chose to go commercial fishing in Alaska.  I was at sea for 6-8 weeks at a time and the only time we docked, it was to offload and use the phone at the end of the dock.  That's all the further away I got from the boat.  Airfare, room, board, all company-paid.  I stayed up for 8 mos, amassing a nice, big bank account.  When I got home, I couldn't easily adapt to being back on land so left again 5 weeks later.  A new addiction, fishing.  And I never picked up the old ones again.  How this can help your daughter is:  she gains new perspective, opens her life to alternate ways of living, she'll work herself to exhaustion, she'll earn a great deal of money and she will be on a "dry boat".  No booze, no drugs, period.\n\nIt really, really worked for me.  I made different friends and met the man I would marry (these 15 years later, we are still).  \n\nOnce she understands that her destiny can be shifted by different decisions she makes, perhaps she'll be willing to harness her own power to move into her own future.  Her methadone is as much a crutch as her heroin was, though, admittedly, a better crutch.  At the end of the day though, a crutch is still the thing we lean on when we either cannot or will not walk on our own two feet.  \n\nAs a mother, I ache for you.  And I wish you all the peace and luck with your daughter.
57596
Speaking from experience, look into N.A. (Narcotics Anonymous) It's a lot like A.A. but geared more towards drugs instead of alcohol. As far as turning him into the police, DEFINITLY! If he gets away with it now, he's sure to do it again. The sad thing is even if he is punished, he'll always steal from you or anyone else until he gets help. It may be hard but it is true that no person or program will help unless HE hits bottom and makes a decision to change his life.
508947
Deja Vu!?!?!?\nMy dh suffers from depression, (yet refuses to take  meds the doctor prescribed), and alcoholism runs (more like gallops) in his family, but still he denies HE has a problem.   \n\nHe decided after many good ears, that he just wanted out!  No reason,.....  he refused to attend counselling, and "marriage counselling" takes both partners attending.\n\nKids and I  let him know he was loved, valuable and that we all wanted him to stay.  He just refused to take meds, got into hiding his drinking, and had an affair and moved out.\n\nI learned the hard way, but any 12-step program (AA, etc) will tell you  that the first step is for the person  to admit  that he/she has a problem.  Until they admit  that, and decide that they WANT to change,.....  there is no-one that can MAKE them change.\n\nYour wife seems to be just as confused.  She's got to decide what  she wants first.  Then, and only then, can you guys try to fix it up.\n\nFor the sake of your kids and the marriage, I hope she gets medical supervision for the depression and gets off the booze.  Booze and depression are a BAD combination.
4174
As a 3 year member of Alcoholics Anonymous I'm gonna try to answer this.  Unfortunately as someone else responded to your question I agree that most likely and sadly you can't do much to help him if he doesn't want help.  As we say in AA, AA is not for those who need it but for those who want it.  As for his family you might try honestly, humbly, and lovingly letting his family know how concerned you are and that you don't know what to do.  I don't know if you have any spiritual beliefs but you might try praying for the man, I will.  James S. -Alcoholic Anonymous
633540
Lisa, this is a truly selfless act of generosity, but you cannot help this individual. He has got to have professional help. If he id denying professional help then he is not truly ready to kick the habit. He needs other medications besides the ones you listed above. All of those are not gonna help him with the intense withdrawals he is going to experience. All those meds he is on are gonna do is keep him sedated and groggy. I have no addictions, but I was given everything you listed above for insomnia. Now, insomnia and heroin withdrawals are a whole heck of alot different. Has he ever tried to get on methadone therapy? I am frightened that you are in a situation that is gonna backfire on you. If his last "fix" was this morning he has not even started experiencing the absolute worst yet. You called him an aquaintance. Right? Well, you need to remove yourself from being SO involved in the scenario. Really, for your safety. I have never experienced knowing anyone with a  heroin addiction, but I have been close to friends and family who have had alcoholism, pill addiction......and I'd never put me, my family or my belongings at risk again, especially when there are free or low cost clinics available to these people. If this man decides to go get another fix he is going to, no matter what you say. If he doesn't have money he will steal whatever he can from you. It doesn't matter how serious he is about quitting. When the wothdrawals and pain start to set in he is going to want that feeling to end and the only way it is going to end is another fix. If you truly want to help then talk him into going for professional help. Get yourself out of the situation. It is seriously so nice and thoughtful of you to want to help this man, but this addiction is bigger than anything you, me or most people could even fathom. This is going to totally disrupt your entire life if you do not get him out of your house. Love yourself. Don't put yourself in the position to get hurt and that is exactly what you are doing if you allow this "aquaintance" to stay with you. Remember this, too: an addict will lie to anyone and tell you exactly what you want to hear and turn right around and rob and steal you blind. The drugs have ripped away any conscience that these users once had. God bless you for trying, but this is way bigger than you are.
471806
I would be very cautious getting in a relationship with an ex-alcohic who was already in trouble for not following his program. Chances are he is dodging you and I would just let him go and not call there anymore. If he really meant what he said he will get a hold of you. I'm sure he got your messages that you called.
174796
you should not believe him. i am a recovering addict, and i don't believe in using occasionally. it doesn't work that way. before long your bills and every thing will be behind. it is an expensive habit. i don't want to tell you to just leave your husband because that will make it worse for him. when my husband found out i was using he did tell me that if i didn't stop he would leave me and take my daughter. him and some of my other family has got me into Church and i have given my life to the lord. pray about it, God leaves no prayer unanswered. but we have to remember he doesn't answer them right when we want he answers them when it is the right time. now im not telling you to stay with him if he continues to use either. really open your heart to God and pray and he will put the answer in your heart what you should do.good luck and GOD BLESS YOU!!! if you need anyone to talk to you can email me or IM ME. MY im name is tootsjrfan.
604450
Oh my god girl seems like life has taken a very hard toll on both of you guys. The thing to remeber is that is has taken very long for you to become clean, am I  right, with that being said, every day is a new day, which means you fight harder as each day passes to keep your demons away. I say 3 strikes your out in my book, yes it is very possible for him to be clean and sober, but you know what your daughters have already been thru enough physical and mental abuse they could ever endere and now that your sober and you how this has affected them you have to work extra hard everyday to keep them motivated and guided towards the right direction, you also know that addiction is heredity and it is very likely that they will  grow to use drugs as well. But remeber you have the chance to change that life style for them ax you already have buy getting sober and doing the right thing by them girls, you are to be commened for that, but also try to remeber how hard it has been to let him come back into your life after you have already chosen and begin another  cleaner lifestyle, i mean we all know that people can get drugs in prison and quite frankly if the man has been in prison for the littlest thing i wouldnt want him around my daughters at all and only becuase men get reaped in prison, and some totally rehibailt themselves completly but in your situation he wont ever become clean becusae its his lifestyle, Dont you think that children need not be around that if we can prevent it, well you have had your chance to become sober which you have, you have been the chance to give your girls more in life then most people get, be lucky the state has taken them away from you, and placed them with total strangers, do right by them, no matter how hard it might be, yes there are challenges every day and you are lucky to have beaten the biggest one this far. Why would you even consider letting him back into your CLEAN alife after 3 years, dont you see the pattern this man will always follow, and i know its hard to put those feelings aside and yes the girls do need fathers but after everything they have been through, if your strong enough you will not let him back in youe life as your husband, now id down line he cleans up and i mena really cleans up then i would consider supervised vistation becuase you are different now he will be differnt and the girls are different, do you really want to upset your lifestyle now because you think  you owe him something, are the girls, I would say you have done the right thing thus far and you will conintiue to do the right as long as you keep this man out of your home along with his friends that he will BE back in contact with as soon as he can, I mean if i were you and were given this chance  to become and outstanding mother and to prtotect the children you gave birth to, i woulkdnt allow anhone to take the away ever again becuase next time if there is ever a next time you will not see your girls becuase they will hate for you for the life you have chosen with him, I would file for divorce and be done with him altoghter, yes you have children but there are ways for him to be a dad other than living in your household, and quite franl=kly if he has only sent a few letters to you guys after 3 years who needs that stress wondering and waiting on letters he has already dissapointed you and your gilrs why let all the drama start allover no matter what he says, Do the right thing and let him go for good, and keep wotking everyday to the new begining that you and your girls deserve, you will do the right thing no matter how hard it is, the hardest was admitting you have had a problem and allowinng yourself the treatment to get better you deserve a standing ovation for that, continue to work hard and show the and theach the girlds everyday about the lifestyle that lead you to your sobriety, as they get older you know how us girls can be they will need you to be strong for them, and with him i think you will fiall back
215012
Oh boy...you need to just leave him. He's playing mind games with you so you won't leave life is way too short to stay in a relationship out of pity and guilt. If you make the first step in leaving him maybe he will clue in that you are serious.Leave him a letter explaining why you have left as well as some Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlets maybe he will clue in and get help and if you feel like things could be worked out seek counselling alone as well as with him. I have a Friend who went through a similar situation and she finally left the guy and he used to say he'd kill himself if she left...well she left and he's still alive.He too has a major drinking problem but won't admit to it. It's really sad, I think, that anyone would chose booze over their spouse.try your best to get him help but don't do all the footwork for him make him see that he's hurting you and leave asap.
36792
Well, I think you cannot control his drinking, no matter what you think.  I would say that daily drinking of that much certainly indicates a problem.  You could go to http://www.aa.org and there are some parts on there for people who are concerned about someone's drinking.  However, this is really about you, and my recommendation would be for you to check out Alanon.  You cannot cause, cure, or control someone else's drinking.  This is very difficult, for there is a level of denial on the part of the potential alcoholic and his or her partner.....
156329
Addiction is sticky subject.  I went through my own addictions for years, and have a friend who is going through it now. It is tough. My friend is now in an "in-patient" program. That is her way of coping with it. I had to pull myself out of my addictions. Luckily I was able to do so. It was tough, but it does get better. I have been clean for over 3 1/2 years now, and have been leading a happy, healthy life. Confrontation is scary and difficult, but for the most part intervention is sometimes the only way to go. Your son needs to know that you care for him, and that it is not an issue of your feelings being hurt. It needs to be more of a concern for his health, and wellbeing than anything. However, he needs to make the first step and accept the fact that there is a problem and also accept help. It's a long healing process, but it is possible. Best of luck to you!
419563
I am a recovering addict myself, and willing to share my story if it would help. I have now been clean for 4 months and have NO desire to go back to where I have been. I had been on drugs(meth, coke, crack,pot, pills, etc.), for 15 years too. Let me know how to contact you and I would be glad to talk to you about my experiences with drugs and recovery. I can totally relate!
335533
i am a recovered abuser. no aa or na or anything like that. just pure will power. i knew i wanted to live and had to quit to do it. been clean for almost 15 years.
181722
My dad and I had a similar situation.  I moved in with him at 15 and we partied all the time.  But when I got older, I couldn't take the aftermath of a good bender. I didn't want to be like that drunk old man that didn't have a license, and broke his leg riding home from a bar on a bicycle.  I had a hard time breaking away, he was my dad and we'd be through hell together.  But I had to realize that he had at least started most of the trouble in the beginning.  And that I didn't want him to use me to validate his addictions.  Like saying "that's how we bond".  Usually I just resented him more after we partied.  I haven't seen my dad in 5 years.  I miss him, and I love him, but he's lost everything.  They have to want to quit like we did.  Sometimes, like once a year, I call him.  Make sure he's still alive and doing ok.  But from my experience, they only get worse.  Last time I called my dad had lost the house, his job, living with 4 other people in a house that should be condemned.  He's 51 and having seizures when he goes sober for hours.  I love him soooo much, but I can't bring that beer to him, roll his j, drive him around or keep his dealers off his butt anymore.  Just pray alot, think about the good times and move far enough away that she can't find you until you're independent enough to say no to her.
63973
They say "Time heals all wounds"  It hasn't come true for me yet.\n\nI married an alcoholic, hoping he'd change.  I loved him dearly, and we had a great friendship, too.  I had to divorce him when he didn't change, and by then I had a lot of anger and resentment.  That was almost 9 years ago.  Less than two years later, he died from liver failure at the age of 39.  My heart was broken seeing him in the casket.  Our son was 7 at the time (he's 14 now).\n\nWe still miss him and talk about him, and I know sometimes my son is kind-of upset that his actual memories are fading.  We also have our photos and other objects we remember him by.  We look at them from time to time -- it seems less frequent as the years pass.  \n\nBut I still cry, and I still talk to my deceased ex-husband sometimes.  His was a very tragic life, and I wish things could have been different.  But I can't change the past, only learn from it.  But still, I grieve for what could have been...