my wifes mother keeps talking negative things about me to my wife, which my wife doesnt like , so she cries and tells her not to say such things about me and tells me what has happened ,this is happening since we have got married 1 yr back, and now we are expecting a baby in 2 months. what should be done in this situation about this psychotic mother in law?
126552
This is one of the hardest things to resolve in relationships, unfortunately. Keep in mind that your mother-in-law is also your wife's mother. I'm sure you already know that most people try to please, or at least placate, their mother. You're in a difficult position, but there are some things you can do:\n\n1. Communicate with your wife ... constantly. The two of you must not allow this to interfere with your relationship.\n\n2. Communicate with your mother-in-law. Do NOT retaliate in kind ... EVER! Do NOT lose your temper! She obviously angers you, but you have to be bigger than that. Ask her what it is that bothers her about you and offer to try and change at least some of those things ( IF you can and IF they are not part and parcel of who you are ).\n\n3. If you can afford to, you and your wife should find a competent marriage counselor to help you cope with this problem ... soon!\n\n4. When the baby arrives, I suspect your mother-in-law will want very much to see him/her as often as possible, particularly if this is her first grandchild. This gives you an excellent lever. Stress to your mother-in-law that this is both YOUR child and HER grandchild, and that both of you should want to do what is best for the child; and that her berating you will definitely NOT be good for the child. As an ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT, if you and your wife AGREE on this, BOTH of you have a talk with her mother and tell her, as gently as possible, that the TWO of you have decided to not expose your child to your mother-in-law's berating of you. Stress that, if she is willing to stop it, she can visit anytime the three of you agree. Let me stress again that this is a LAST RESORT, and should only be used if BOTH you and your wife truly AGREE!\n\nGood luck with this, and don't foget to seek that which is best for ALL parties involved.
314430
This sounds to me like my situation a few years ago, phantom pregnancies, if at all posible ignore this person's remarks lies and rot she is a very unhappy person and trying to drag up b/s for you to get upset and angry about ignore it [it will not go away]but still ignore it or speak to her as you are speaking to a child and tell her to grow up
613409
Sounds to  me like everything was kinda thrown together on short notice.  Also sounds like you were mighty gracious about the whole affair. I would have sat anywhere.  At least it is behind you now and you have learned something about your mother in law. Be proud your husband stands beside you but be ready to forgive if she comes and asks for it. She is his mother no matter what and you never want to be pointed to as the unforgiving, cruel daughter in law. By the way, I bet the bride didn't even know all that stuff was going on.
286054
Ask your wife what she thinks when your In-laws "let down" on you.  This should open a conversation that will allow you to tell her how you feel as well.  She should understands why you are not at the same financial level as her older siblings.  Work together making your financial goals.  Check the progress often together.  She can set her parents straight if that's needed.  No one likes to be put down and should they keep up this behavior, I would make the contacts with them as minimal as possible.  (The natural consequences for people who are jerks...no one wants to be around them.)   Hope this helps!
596984
Well, I am an alien to my mother in law! I am from a different country, different culture, and the worst thing: I'm independent!!! She thinks that my husband (her little baby!!!) should control every single thinking I have...   What I do: as I can't change her, I just Play the role!!!!!! Visiting her once a week, and sometimes inviting her to go out.. Thing that she'll never do, but ok, I did my best.  As much as I can, I keep her "apart" from my relationship, as well as avoiding mixing, even when we are together!!!! Consider that my husband was living abroad and he understands my way - it's more than enough!!!!And of course, praying to Allah to keep me on the right way....
405677
Your first mistake was giving a cell phone to a punk 12-year-old. \n\nUnless you are planning on divorcing your wife, the woman who is your mother-in-law is going to STAY your mother-in-law. That being said, you have a few options:\n\nOption 1: Do not retaliate against her. She knows what she did was wrong. Instead, focus all of your energy on getting right with your 12-year-old, including - and maybe most importantly - counseling, to help the child figure out what is behind all the self-destructive behavior. Sounds to me like this is one angry kid, and, given the dysfunctionality of your family, I can't say I blame the child. Sounds like there is a lot to be angry about.\n\nOption 2: Get a lawyer and file charges of false reporting (which lead to your arrest) against your mother-in-law. You may be awarded compensatory damages like loss of wages and defamation of character (which is pretty hard to prove). This result would put a few sheckles in your pocket, but will certainly do nothing to bring any peace to the family. By bringing charges against your mother-in-law, you will effectively drive a wedge between her and your wife, which may already exist and will certainly be made worse by this action. You have to decide if it is "worth it" in the long run. It is highly unlikely that your mother-in-law will be sentenced to any jail time, so, put that revenge pipe-dream to rest.\n\n3. File action(s) in Court to prevent your mother-in-law from having contact with your children. This will likely not be granted, as one of your kids is already in her custody. The best you can hope for is that the Court will agree that the woman is somehow a threat to the children and will mandate that her visitation with the children be supervised. \n\nCourts make decisions based on what THEY perceive to be "in the best interests of the children". Judges have seen it all and don't really care how mad you are about what happened. Your best bet, in the long run, would be to arrange for family counseling. This action on your part will go a long way to show a Judge that you, too, are taking the children's best interest to heart, and putting their welfare ahead of your own agenda.\n\nI understand why you are so mad. YOU need to understand that your anger - while justified - will likely not get you anywhere given the way Courts look at things these days. Keep a level head and you will be more likely to prevail. One last thing - my own personal experience in Family Court is - the one with the most expensive lawyer "wins". Sad & disgusting, but true.
337865
I think that you and your husband need to sit down and come up with a plan together. You don't want to hurt her feeling but at the same time you don't want this to ruin your marriage.  Explain it in a way that it would be better for her if she got a place of her own. This might sound wrong but if all else fails point out bad parts about living with the three of you----for example---- never quiet cause of the kid, too little space for all of you, things like that make it look all rosey and nice to live on her own.  Sounds like she needs to get a life outside of your family.  That sounds mean but what i mean is she needs to have friends of her own age.  Your husband and you need to be on the same page. How does he feel about the situation? does he want her gone too? I wish you the best of luck it is a tough situation cause its his mother.  GOOD LUCK!!!!
628290
Well, I would call HIS mom next time you have a fight and watch his face drop.  I have been married for 13 years and I have done that before.  My mother-in-law called my husband, her son, the next night and told him that he was wrong in the fight.  Maybe that is his way of trying to make himself feel better because he KNOWS he's wrong.  He's a man.  Always wrong!!!
216899
She is just feeling protective over her mother role.  She is their momma and she doesn't want you to try and fill her shoes or play mommy.  It is very delicate.  No matter what she did in her marriage doesn't matter.  Please be respectful not to push her about being around HER kids.  Respect the fact that she doesn't want you around them right now.  They shouldn't see you two together unless it is very serious.  I didn't introduce my daughter to her now step-dad until I was sure we were going to stay together.  They don't need to see different women in daddy's life.  You don't know how long you two will last just yet.  Give it time!!!!Don't tell her to back off or anything like that, you have no right to.  If you care at all about your b/f respect her wishes!!!  She'll come around if you do.  Don't make it worse, it is a delicate situation!!!  Why would you move in?  This isn't something that should be taken lightly.  Are you even engaged to him?  Like I said, the kids shouldn't see women in daddy's life unless it is serious enough as marriage is!  Sounds like you know you'll disrespect her wishes anyway!  Why ask then, if you are moving in?
51743
girl, i feel your pain. i have the mother-in-law blues as well.  she shouldnt be so intrusive and pushy. my fiance and i just had a falling out with his mother. our lives are so peaceful when they dont talk. i dont know how close your husband is with his mother, but there are lines you just dont cross and shes just testing you out. i dont know if your a blunt person or not like me, but you and your husband can both say it her so that she understands its the two of you who feel this way. not just you. you have every right to feel uncomfortable about someone knowing your finances and business period. but first talk to your husband before you talk to her. good luck.
172144
I can tell you I have been there and done it and it only gets worse because she has a hold on him you can not break. But let me tell you this is also what she wants is for you to leave so she can have him all to herself. As far as your husband sooner or later the resentment builds up and the love is lost because of the way he does. Tell him in no certain terms you realize this is his mother but your also his wife and he is killing all the respect you have for him...Lady
152565
First of all, when did you guys officially become husband and wife - you made no mention of that in your question.  If your wife is a grown woman and is allowing her mother to act that way, what can you do.  It is sounding like she has given control to her mother.  Check yourself.  Make sure you have not done anything to offend your mother-in-law, if so then get it right.  Try talking to the mother-in-law.  Ask her why she is acting out so bad.  Coming to your job is definitely over the top and you should definitely ask her never to do that again.  Get in touch with your wife.  Explain to her that you cannot go on like this.  Her not coming back on her own is sounding like she doesn't want to be with you.  Ask her point blank what her intentions are.
281133
Do you love her? Do you want to stay married? Can you move farther away from her parents so they'll interfere less? I guess everything depends on how much you love her and want to fight to keep her. And how tired of her parents you are. \nMy husband's mother always interfered in my marriage. He chose me over her, so now we don't speak to his parents at all. But our marriage is better now than it ever was. I guess it all depends on the two of you. Can you stand up to her parents and tell them to stop bothering you two? Can she tell her parents NO? If not, maybe those papers are a good idea.
121037
Can i Answer this with the mother in law thing? Ok Heck yeah she was evil. Evil, insane, and senile. She would ask my relatives about the things that i hated or didn't like to do. She would take notes, and when i came to visit for the holidays she would ask me to do the stuff. She once even asked me to soak her rusty crackled ass feet the smelled so bad. I didn't do it, and she hates me til this day. I think she's evil and she thinks I'm an asshole. What a perfect relationship!
154112
Talk to your wife! Tell her the situation without getting upset with her. She loves her daughter and knows that her daughter is out of control but who will take care of that child her daughter had? Maybe she feels it is safer for the grand baby to be with the two of you and not left all alone some where. It does seem too much for someone of 23 to act with such disrespect and she seems childish in a way. Set rules with her and tell her it is your home and not to bring strangers into your home again! If u set boundaries and that doesn't work then i would make her leave your home instead of ruining your marriage! I would only leave your wife if she wouldn't respect your wishes for things to change and put her foot down as well. Good luck!
205282
What you wrote sounds like my story. I've got the same problem with my mother in law. My husband really appreciates that I act like I'm stupid. \nI refuse to drop down to her level and when she is really mean to me I just smile and nod. Sometimes I think she tries her hardest to piss me off, but I won't give her that joy.\nFor your husband it's probably best to ignore the situation and play along like you all get along. It's not worth splitting up families over. You may regret it if your husband decides to choose for you and stops speaking to his mom.\nBe happy she doesn't live IN your house. \n\nStay the respectable party and don't let your feelings show! I know this is tough but it's the most peaceful way. Good luck, don't let her drive you mad, you've got the upper hand!
497820
I would have to say that it is quite common to have a mother-in-law that gets on your nerves.  It is best to stay on her good side though and keep biting your tongue.  Be the better person.  It's hard but it's for the best.  Good Luck.