i was involved with a married man and i felt like i was living a lie so i told him that i thought we should not see eachother anymore i dont have a job now cause he was also my boss but i feel like i did the right thing but i cried because i really care about him.. he told me that he loved me and that he dosent want me to leave but do you think  i did the right thing
128439
yeah girl u did the right thing u deserve better than being second, i was in a situation like that it lasted for a year and a half and i tried to get out of it on my own but like u he would b tellin me how much he loves me he would call come to my work everything so i stayed, than the wifey found out bout me on my bday that nite he was to sleep over and everything well thing blew up and mostly fo him at the ending of the day he chose his wife over me, n thou i new that was probably goin to happen i was hoping fo something different and it hurt like hell i was depressed fo awhile, this was mayb 5yrs ago it was a hard lesson to learn i will never talk to a man who is wit or talkn to anyone, this guy and i still talk its funny, he calls just to see how im doin or if he's in my area he will pass threw just to say hi but we both have moved on his wifey took him back and im completely over him but we have that respect fo each other, girl u did the right thing don't go back and wait til it blows up cuz it ain't gonna b pretty
660929
If you feel like you REALLY should leave, I say go. Unless you want to go through the hassle of counseling and such (which some men will not even consider). I dont know how I would just do whatever is in your best interest.
443377
I have. Infact my husband and I both cheated at one point in time. This wsa before marrieage We have been working hard and keeping everone out of our situation. There was a point where his friends said something, and he did not defend me the way I felt he should have. I let him know this and he told me it was because he was angry about the situation and did not care much then. Well I seperated myself from him for a while, we are now married with a baby on the way, and no matter what he defends me even when I am not present. He does not care what they think or if they agree with our situation. Infact everyone who was negative in our lives we agreed to let go. We have never been happier. my best wishes to u
668650
A man once had true feelings for me, we didn't just have sex. He held me, kissed me, cuddled and watched movies, and he made me feel wonderful. I loved him and it felt great. I came to believe that if this is so bad, why is it so wonderful. From then on, I felt no shame and believed truly that love conceurs all.
373161
First, did he tell you he went? If so and youre still upset, then you might wanna explore WHY this bothers you so much. He came home to you, right? If it's something he enjoys, why not let him go? Either way, have a talk with him and let him know your feelings.\n\nIf he didnt tell you he was going (or went - sometimes this stuff happens on a whim), then I feel you on feeling disrespected since it would appear he was doing something shady.\n\nAt any rate, Id have a talk with him...non-accusatory, respectful, etc...dont get him defensive because youll get nowhere...\n\nGood luck :-)
593479
By the way you describe your relationship, you want out. I know that you are feeling stuck, confused, and completely stressed because you feel like you are in a relationship where you are being suffocated and you don't know where you will be if you get out of something that you are so used to. I don't need to tell you you need to get out, you basically said it in your question. If someone is holding you back from your goals and dreams for their own selfish motives, why stay? Also if the bad out weighs the good what do you think that does to your happiness? Life is not meant to live it unhappy, you make make what you want of it. Also each day that passes is a day that you will never get back, and to live them miserably is not worth it. You seem to be looking for excuses not to get out because you are afraid to be alone. Loneliness is not a fun thing, but it's almost if you have been alone with this guy who does not support you. You have your daughters and you have your ambition to progress in life. You can definitely love again! Then are BILLIONS of people in this world, I'm pretty confident that you will find love with someone who will treat you how you want to be treated and support your ideas. It could just be one of those co-workers or friends that have been complimenting you. Good Luck!
88940
I think you are hesitant to leave because you are comfortable in your marriage lifestyle.  You're used to your typical everyday routine: going to work, taking care of your child, etc. etc.  Honestly, I don't think he is right for you at all.  For him to talk badly about you behind your back regardless of what it is about means he doesn't respect you.  How could you love someone you don't respect.  The things he does - just leaves and doesn't come home or tell you to get out of HIS house - that's just bull crap.  It's hard when you don't have any family around or someone to go to if you should leave.  But you know what - you have a great education and an awesome job and you can make it.  Be thankful that you are not just a housewife with no education or job experience ... and can't leave the man because you have no where to go and can't support yourself most especially.  You don't need to depend on him for support. You should leave! Good thing you didn't let yourself go either - you workout you're attractive have a good job / education ....why do you put up with this - I guarantee you that you would enjoy your life much more without him and being treated how you deserve.  Maybe a trial seperation would be good or some cousneling something . but .. if it doesnt work out then at least you'll know that you gave it our all and wont have any regrets aobut it.  Honestly, I don't think you should deal with this - it will get worse I think.  You deserve better - it's hard to find a good woman with all your qualities - get rid of him girl. You don't sound happy.
226470
yep, Married him,,,,we were friends for like 4 yrs we ve been married for 1 yr 4 months and to be honest it is the best thing I could have ever done, it is working just so great we don´t need to pretend anything we know each other like the palms of our hands we still can talk like good friends listen to each other ,,The secret of it i guess is to keep on being best friends many ppl forget their spouse should also be a friend to them and limit their relationships ...he knows my past I know his and we don´t use it against each other instead we use it to understand the fears that may still be a part of us..=)....Nope we didn´t really feel atracted at first I was *engaged* , he had a gf...time went by I had another bf...broke up ...and then I began noticing I had fallen for him I asked him about his feelings and I was lucky he felt the same way for me..
194141
I was "dumped" by a man who lead me to believe that we were working toward marriage. I don't really know how to say this other than just be blunt... I was not physically attracted to him at first, I am 5'11". he was 5'7", our social stations were night and day, I don't claim to be a knock out, but I am above average in the looks department, and he was just kind of non-descript...I realize that we were not a physical match... but I thought that he really appreciated me for who I am on the inside, not what I look like on the outside, because that is how I felt about him. (he was 57, I was 34) total opposites.... but I was in love ( or so I thought). We continue along our road of stupid bliss for months.... with him traveling out of state on business on a regular basis... all the while he is seeing his ex-wife when he leaves. After spendind the weekend together, I left on Sunday afternoon still in love etc.... thinking everything is just fabulous....Monday morning I am reading my e-mails and there is one from him... he dumped me in an e-mail!!!! Told me that it was him and not me, and that I should just "take care". I was devastated to say the least, I have never been dumped in my entire life!!!! The humiliation was total, I couldn't get out of bed for 3 days, and I couldn't stop crying. He refused to take my calls etc.... and the worst thing ever was that we work in the same building, I have to see him almost everyday. I have since worked through this, and was feeling pretty good about life in general and had even gone on a few dates here and there....when *asshole** walks into my firms reception area (where I happened to be talking to the receptionist) and made bee line to me. He asked could we speak privately, I said no, say what you have to say now. So he asked would it be possible for me to come to his house that night for old times sake.... why should we "deny" ourselves just because his ex-wife was back in his life....well, I called him a few choice names and slapped the crap out of him--open handed across the right cheek. Left a pretty good impression of my hand too... that slap felt SO great, I can't describe it even today. I am now involved with a fabulous guy who actually appreciates me for me.... and couldn't be more happy. So, I guess all things happen for a reason.
194963
If that's how you feel then you have no choice but to put it all out there, just like that.  There's no time to beat around the bush, or hold back your words.  Worst case scenario, he rejects you- but then you'll at least know where you stand, and that you did EVERYTHING you could.  You don't want to have regrets later on, or wonder if there was anything else you could have said or done.  Good luck, and know that no matter how this turns out, you were true to yourself, loved him with all that you had, and fought for what you wanted.
373038
I wouldn't be his back up. That is what it sounds like. He keeps her incase you 2 dont work. I duno whats wrong with him. He sounds like a catch. Not. I feel bad for you. What an ass.
481253
Thanks for saying you were 25.  It is difficult to know what you need to do if you know you have to move away.  You realize the closer you get, the more pain you feel when you have to leave.  I have been through it myself.  I bit the bullet and poured out my heart and told her how I felt.  It didn't get me anywhere, but I felt better about it.  It is best to lay all the cards out on the table and take the consequences, than to regret that you passed up the chance later on.  A nice quite dinner and a little snuggle time without a crowd is all it takes to get a guy to open up.
183797
He wasn't ready for what ever reason to commit to you. Don't beat yourself up over this, there are people that will come and go in our lives, some for the good and some for the bad... it just makes us stronger people. Obviously you invested more in this relationship than he did, and it's going to hurt for a while trying to get over it. Grieve for a while, if you want to cry and feel sorry for yourself, do it.... it's all part of the process of loss. Just always remember your self worth, and that we are not the lessor of our selves, we are the sum of ALL of our parts, and that is something phenomenal. There may be more men like him in your future... and then again you may meet your soulmate tomorrow.... just don't let life get you down...it's too short to waste the energy on negative people. God bless you, good luck, Peace.
278210
Sounds like he just wanted an excuse to leave. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but its the vibe I get from your description. Try to move on and find someone who will love you and be honest with you. Best of Luck.
473760
Yes, it made me feel so bad.  But I ended up talking to him about our situation, I didn't want him to think I was a bad person.  He was mad at first then he cooled down, and he was fine with it.
449465
I stayed with my dad until he died.  He wanted me to be safe and to take care of me and me of him.  So it worked out fine.  I was not ready to be independent and that was best for me to do in my situation.  I know other people may have looked down on me but that is their problem.  Just because I was not married or independent did not mean that I was stupid or crazy.  They did not and do not know me to judge me.  I did what I wanted and what was best for me.  Then I realized that as my dad got older and in worse health, that he needed me because he would have been all alone and could not be alone as his illness progressed.  One day he told me that he wanted me to stay and not to marry until he died.  That did make me feel good and useful and have a little more dignity when others would say things to me.  But all in all, I would not have changed a thing.  So you do what is best for you.  Your family is the most important thing, if they are good to you, so treasure them.  You will be out and on your own one day when you marry or find a boyfriend or go to college or move for other reasons.  So, do what is best for you. I think that you are lucky.  :)
602176
Believe it or not, this just happened to me last night.  My boyfriend was married for 11 years and they split up 9 months ago.  We have been going out for the last two months.  Last night, after about two beers, he looked me right in the eyes and said "I love you so much Ch*&^%)(*%$#."  I couldn't believe it.  He kept telling me he was so sorry and I know he felt terrible, but It is eating at me today too.  I know it was an accident and he didn't mean it, so I have decided to just force myself to stop thinking about it.  I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want to go back to her.  He is very loving and attentive in so many ways, so my advice to both of us is to stop being so sensitive and admit that our boyfriends are human.  They make mistakes, I wouldn't want him to crucify me if I were in his shoes.\n\nGood Luck.