a salesman knocks on an old lady's door and asked her if she neede a vaccum cleaner. she said no. the old lady tried to close the door but the salesman put his foot in the way.alright i'll make you a deal, I will eat what ever this vaccum doesn't suck up.the lady said okay.the salesman than dumps a pound of dried horse crap on the lady's rug. ready?the salesman asked. yes said the lady and i hope you have a big appetite because they cut my electricity off last night.
123271
this one is so funny it ought to be voted the best joke of the week!
525079
I think you need to stop,you have bought quite enough, you seem like an extremely generous person.............can i come to your house for christmas!
611256
ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............
431029
Nice one fidgety .Reminds me of this one!\nWhen their marriage went through a rocky patch, a young couple went to see a marriage counsellor. The male counsellor listened while the wife outlined her grievances,the principal one being that her husband neglected her.\n"We've only been married two years," she said," but he never seems to take any interest in me. He never shows any affection. It seems as if he is bored with me already."\nThe husband simply shrugged his shoulders,so the counsellor decided to take drastic action.He went over to the wife and kissed her passionately. As the wife slumped back into her seat in shock,the counsellor turned to the husband and said:"Your wife needs that at least twice a week."\nThe husband replied:" well I can get here Tuesdays and Thursdays."
409714
Ha Ha Ha....Pretty  old joke!!! Still as fresh as New Born Baby !! Yes ! This is one of my favorite joke and i Often use it in my 'Ventriloquism' Show its more than 20 years now !!! This one is undoubtedly my favorite and I always liked it !!!
196258
A blonde heard that taking a bath in milk makes you look beautiful. So she left a note to her milkman telling him to leave her 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman received the note, he thought that there must me some mistake, so he knocked on the blondes door to clarify the order.\n\n"Excuse me, miss, but...is this request written correctly?"he asked.\n\n"Yes it is," replied the blonde."I'm going to fill up my bath tub with it.\n\n"Would you like that pasteurized?"inquired the milkman.\n\n"No,"said the blonde. "Just up to my waist."
90651
With ot the salesman making sales the office work does not have a job. But the salesman does not need a office worker to have a job.\n Or in other words the emploryer must make sales to keep running. With out that all stops.
310523
please please please beautiful lady stop!!!stop!!! please  wil you lend me quarter, the lady respond what! or why! or uhhhh!!! them you anwer because my mon told me when I find the love of my life to call her right away.
575430
"Do you want to sell me the house?"
106670
hmmm... well I would like some help cooking and cleaning my house...  are you good with a mop and broom?
376067
hoover up some crackers so she can have something to eat.\n\nOr better still, open up the hoover and get her out.
29702
YOUR MAMA IS SO POOR, SHE CAN'T PAY ATTENTION.\n\nYOUR MAMA IS SO FAT,SHE FARTS SPAM.\n\nYOUR MAMA IS SO FAT,SHE PEE'S CANOLA OIL.
459029
Got this in the mail last week\n\nA blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each\n> other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if\n> she would like to play a fun game?\n> \n>   The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap,\n> politely declines and rolls over to the window to\n> catch a few winks.\n> \n>   The lawyer persists and explains that the game is\n> easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you a\n> question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay\n> me $5.00, and vise versa.\n> \n>   Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.\n> The lawyer, now agitated, says, Okay, if you don't\n> know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't\n> know the answer, I will pay you $500.00. This\n> catches the blonde's attention\n>   and, figuring there will be no end to this torment\n> unless she plays, agrees to the game.\n> \n>   The lawyer asks the first question. What's the\n> distance from the earth to the moon? The blonde\n> doesn't sa a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out\n> a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.\n> \n>   "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."\n> \n>   She asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with\n> three legs and comes down with four legs?\n> \n>   The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer\n> and searches all his references, no answer. He taps\n> into the air phone with his modem and searches the\n> net and the library of congress, no answer.\n> \n>   Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and\n> coworkers, to no avail.\n> \n>   After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her\n> $500.00. The blonde says, Thank you, and turns back\n> to get some more sleep.\n> \n>   The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed,\n> wakes the blonde and asks, Well, what's the answer?\n> \n>   Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse,\n> hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
2183
A neighbor knocked on our door a couple of months ago...no one we had met before, but she pointed down the street and said 'I live over there.'  She asked for gas money because she had to go rescue family from hurricane weather.  I'd have turned her away, but my husband gave her twenty bucks.  He said, "Anyone who has the guts to knock on the door and ask for money needs it more than we do."  We don't have lots of money, and she never paid us back, though she said she would.  We never expected it, anyway.
623860
It is possible that they ran out of gas, but being a cynic I am more inclined to believe that you were scammed.\n\nThe likely scenario is that they saw the lights on in your home and decided to see what they could get off of you.\n\nI am very wary of strangers coming to my home. I likely would not have answered the door, and if they persisted in knocking, I would have asked what they wanted without opening the door. And when she went into her spiel, I would've just said, sorry, and turned off the lights.
216364
Man and Woman in a bar..\nMan:"can I buy you a drink?"\nWoman:"No thank you,alcohol is bad for my legs"\nMan:"Sorry to hear that...do they swell?"\nWoman:"No,they open."
148210
I answer "Hello". However I made one call and the answering machine message was TO DIE FOR!  It went like this....,\n\n"Hello?" <big pause allowing you time to say a couple of words then continues>\n"Hello?" <pause> "HELLO!?  could you speak up please, I cant hardly hear you...." <pauses, lets you get started talking then he continues again>\n"OH MAN! I am Sorry. I really am sorry. I forgot to tell you this is the answering machine. Please leave your name, number and brief message at the sound of the beep."