my husband slept with my maid of honor, she is my cousin i no longer talk to her but i'm still with my husband. I have a hard time letting go of the fact it happened only after a year we were married. We have two young children together. what do i do too deal with what happened?
122158
If he was able to do that, and with somebody so close, he will easily do it again.  If you really WANT to make it work anyway (and I'm all for forgiveness in the right circumstances), then it's up to him to do everything it takes to make you feel secure that nothing else will ever go on with anyone else. He would have to want your marriage bad enough to do that of course, because it will be alot of work on his part.\nIf he's not willing to be totally open and accountable for every action, then do not put yourself through the abuse of more affairs. He has already broken your marriage covenant, and you are not bound to him.
600576
Sounds like your mom was the glue holding the family together.  It's understandable that people would fall away from each other after her passing.  It's hard to go about our daily lives knowing that we should be a familly with ALL the family, people should want to spend time with each other and talk about their lives.  At least your not alone.  My husband and his brother recently got into a huge fight with the two of them wrestling around on the floor and somebody getting hurt.  That was a few months ago, and neither of them has even tried to apologize or be the bigger man and just forgive.  It is very frustrating especially when family functions or birthday parties come along and certain people have to be left out.  It is just not fair sometimes.  Just remember you can't change other people but you can decide that no matter what your siblings do or don't do you can control yourself and your actions, and live your life, they'll either come around or they won't, if they do great, if not, forgive them, and move on.
674730
What you've suggested is really all you can do. You gave her good advice about communicating with her husband and going to counseling. Beyond that, it's really none of your business and not your responsibility.
177430
Well, it started off being exciting on all parts, but after it was over, I , myself, was very unhappy seeing my hubby cuddling with me and another woman. He, of course, enjoyed all aspects of it to the point of developing feeling for other woman over me. She was married and bored, so she wanted something different, and my hubby was it.\n\nI wish it would have never happened, and strongly advise against it. I thought our marriage was strong enough and secure (In my eyes, and his I thought) to do something like that, but it wasn't even close. It took us 4 months of hard work to get our marriage back on track, including no contact with other female at all on both parts. Its a risk you have to decide to either take or not. Once you do it, if there's issues before, then it can and will destroy the strongest marriage. \n\nIt isn't worth the heartache and pain to have a few minutes of something new sexually.  That one time almost cost me my marriage and 4 of the hardest months of my life.
527791
honey I so feel your pain. I want to give you some advice and please read carefully. Do not waste one more moment of your life fretting over this woman. This situation will always be a thorn in your side if you let it. DONT LET IT. You said your not a hateful person but if you let it this or she will make you one. Trust me I have been married to a man for 10 years and his ex is the beast master GOG OF MAGOG.I finally had to let it go but it just about ate me alive before I realized. I became bitter, hateful, obsessed, you name it. It will hurt no one but you.
500668
Just say no and apologize.  If they are friends they will understand, but you also must be a friend to them.  You may need to cut a few ties and keep just a few close ones and the others can be aquaintences.  Or you can have on big party a few times a year to make up for it.  I have too much family, seriously.  I can't possibly see them all as much as I''d love to.  But I can't dump them either.  My kids and husband come first.  It's very difficult but it's the only way it will work.  Have a great day.  Wow, I think this is the 3rd question I answered of yours.  Honestly I"m not stalking you.  You are just where-ever I am.  Wierd...
419290
My sister in law didn't show up after saying she would come.  My brother walked in the door without her.  She didn't come because I didn't invite her son from her first marriage his wife and their child (6  years old) and his wife's son from a first marriage (16 years old) and her daughter from that first marriage (18) and that girls boyfriend that she is shacked up with.  I was already cooking for 9 people and my husband is not with me this Thanksgiving because he is overseas.  (He is the big cook in the family)  I didn't feel I could cook for more than 9 people and still keep my sanity.  That was the drama this year.
323592
Wow. Simliar to what I'm going through but except with cheating with the brother. I'm 20 and I noticed that since me and my ex bf had a age gap of nearly 12 years it was hard for us to work out our problems. He loves you and he doesn't want to lose you. Maybe your husband and his brother should talk this matter over. There might be rage but it's better then losing someone that you may never see again due to unforeseen future ahead of one. Before me and my ex ended our relationship I told him about how hurt I was that he treated me like "shit". He took the time to understand what he was doing to hurt me. You can try talking it over with him. If matters aren't resolve, I think it would be wise to end the relationship and move on. It's wrong for you to have to put up with his "shit". I'm truly sorry that you are going through this but we do learn from our mistakes. Good luck.
201885
People make mistakes. If this is still bothering you after a year of being together then you should talk to him about it. Express your feelings and concerns. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him now about your concerns do you think this will change after you're married?\n\nI'm not saying you should or shouldn't forgive him. That's up to you. I do think you should talk to him about it.
123886
Just to play devils advocate for a moment here, it *is* possible that she is just genuinely trying to keep everyone happy here and not hurt anyones feelings. Have you spoken with her about this yet? It's quite possible she has no idea how you have reacted to this. If you are truly, completely offended, the best thing to do would be writing her a long personal letter, without anger, explaining that you are offended by her actions and that you are rethinking your decision to have her at your side during your special day. Give her an opportunity to talk to you about it before you make any "final cuts" though. Family comes first, and if she has a good reason or just was ignorant and chooses you, then you can have a wonderful marriage with her there. If she is stubborn about it or just refuses to work it out, then you may have to bluntly tell her you had to choose another maid-of-honor but she is still welcome to the ceremony. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck and congratulations.
76394
Well, when we know that a guy is married, we just got scared abouth the possible reaction of his wife, we don't want to get involved in those situations that only cause troubles 4 the couple and that everybody is hurt.\nThere's another reason: (My own experience) When two people have a friendship, even when one of them is married it doesn't necessary mean that never could happen something between them, I mean.. with the time of knowing this person U/she could fall in love or confusse the terms.\nI'm telling U this because I was in that situation, I'm not married but I live with someone since 4 years ago, I met someone, in the beginning I was just his friend and tryed to be nice, he was really nice to me too, but with the time I started to feel something really different and to see this guy not only as a friend, but also as someone who could have another kind of relationship with me, I even started to want him to make love to me..\nThat was really wrong! Nothing happened, he respected the fact I'm with someone else.\nBut my point is: is it really possible... I mean.. to be just friends?
543204
Perhaps you could confront them by letting them know that your husband is aware of what was said, and that you feel betrayed because it had been a private conversation between close friends. Let them know that you feel hurt as well, because it has as you have said, made a very tense situation even worse. \n\nIn some ways it is to be expected that these friends of yours would tell their husbands, that is their life partner. What is terribly wrong is for the husbands to turn around and not only repeat your private words and cause more problems for you, but these husbands also ratted on their own wives by telling. Goes to show you that these husbands did not even think about how their actions would afftect you or the bad position they put their ownnn  wives in. Now these women of course will have to face you with what they have done. All around not a good situation. \n\nI would be very hurt by their actions but as well, I do not think they told their husbands to be mean or to do it as gossip but to share in what you are going through and perhaps as women do... run it by someone else in order to get another's opinion.  Perhaps you could keep this in mind as you confront them. They do owe you a big apology..... as well as their husbands.  Good luck... I hope everything turns out ok for you.
446144
I had exactly the same problem. A 'friend' of mine got married and I was her bridesmaid (she was the bride from hell). She really is the rudest person I have ever met. \n\nWhen I got engaged I was really stressing over having her at the wedding and I certainly did not want her at the wedding. I started to lessen the amount of contact that I had with her (not returning all her phone calls etc). In the end, she confronted me and I was honest and told her that I did not find her behaviour acceptable and that since I was worried that she would be rude to people, I was not able to invite her to the wedding.\n\nShe was upset and has not spoken to me since. But, I have to admit it was one of the best things that I have ever done. I did not realise how much she upset and stressed me. The wedding plans were easy, the wedding was relaxed and I do not have to deal with her anymore.\n\nSo, although it will be hard - she needs to know and I think you will feel better afterwards too!\n\nPS Congratulations on your wedding!
321132
Well, it's only been 2 months. Unfortunately you can't just wake up out of your nightmare and wish it to be over.  For starts he can quit coming over and telling you that he had sex w/ other people and basically rubbing that in your face. He can also quit telling you he loves you. You obviously broke up for some refined reason (unknown).  If he loved you then he wouldn't be sleeping w/ someone else now would he? I think that you two should stay apart for awhile. There's nothing wrong w/ remaining friends, however, if your trying to move and maintain a healtly lifestyle then he needs to quit.  Simply speak to him and tell him that it's best if he quits coming around for awhile b/c your having a tough time dealing w/ this situation. That you don't feel it's right him coming over and telling you he loves you then hearing that he slept w/ someone else. If you loved me then you wouldn't be sleeping w/ other people. I think it's fine if we remain friends, but I need time. I wouldn't recommend burning or doing anything to the pictures. (memories of good times) the wedding dress yea, you could probably sell it. The ring ahh, well, if you have a daughter or have one in the furture you could always give it to her to wear. (or just pawn it) I wish you the ever most luck. As for strength from God to overcome such a hurtful relationship and for the strength and wisdom to know that "slicing body parts off is wrong" (see made you smile) Good Luck! Here if you need a friend.
613409
Sounds to  me like everything was kinda thrown together on short notice.  Also sounds like you were mighty gracious about the whole affair. I would have sat anywhere.  At least it is behind you now and you have learned something about your mother in law. Be proud your husband stands beside you but be ready to forgive if she comes and asks for it. She is his mother no matter what and you never want to be pointed to as the unforgiving, cruel daughter in law. By the way, I bet the bride didn't even know all that stuff was going on.
347219
I didn't cheat but my ex-husband did. I guess that tells you how it ended. When we went to my parents house to spend weekends he was sneaking out with my younger sister after I fell asleep. My sister confided in my brother and my brother confided in me in return. So my loss was my jerk of a husband(no big loss) and the love of my sister(big loss). We do talk (now) but we will never be best friends as sisters should be. I did forgive her but I will never trust her again but she did open my eyes to what was going on behind my back not only with her but with several other girls where we lived I came to find out later.
223147
Hi, My X use to do the same exact things! I know exactly what it feels like, unfortunately the last few lies I found out were from my children. He was hangin around with a white trash piece of shit that was his sisters friend. He swore up and down they were just friends, come to find out he had been seeing her off and on for about 12 years! I was married to this asshole for 17 of them! Please please... Listen to your heart, especially with his track record.. make sure for yourself and I hope its not true, but that there isn't another woman! I don't know how I didn't find out sooner. I guess the kids were younger..not sure.. But the things you were saying is just how it was with us.. and he didn't even care when we didn't talk I think he actually enjoyed it because there was less to cover up if I wasn't asking him questions! But please keep your eyes and ears open, and I hope you find nothing but just in case hun.. take it from someone who has been there. Take care good luck and if anything changes please keep me informed or if u need another woman to talk to email or im me anytime! Good luck & be strong! Kim