But we're having difficulty getting mom's permission.. Any advice????
124619
Well, if you Both are serious about each other...then you Both need to set down with your mom and just talk to each other and let your mom get to know this guy and see what see thinks...if he is sincere...it will show...if he isn't...it will show also...just be careful....
476104
There are probably books on the topic in the self-help/psychology section of your local bookstore, but why waste the money?  The answer is simple: if your husband can't put you and your marriage before his mother, you need some serious counseling.  you know, I totally love my mom and we hang out a lot and everything, but now that I'm grown up and in a relationship, that relationship has to come first!!  Your husband should know that too, and so should his mom.  Shame on her for allowing her son to be such a mama's boy and ignore his wife's best interests.  Your first step is to try to have a sit-down conversation about it with your husband.  If he resists, an ultimatum may be in order: either he prioritizes you first, or you're separating.  Just don't try to get him to stop seeing his mom altogether, because that would never work, especially if they're so close, as they apparently are.
182873
You seriously need to make some serious changes. You have to create boundaries. It sounds like the requests you have made are falling on deaf hears. It seems to me you are trying to make everyone happy except yourself. Tell them if you are going to live in my house these are the rules if they don't like them they can leave. When your mom came back you could of asked her why are you here? When she said why do i have to tell them to pay the electric bill, it was because she is the one who invited them to stay. The things you are going to have to do will be uncomfortable. Your family will not like the new assertive you. Your mom is dependent on you and you are her co dependent. When she threatened you by saying she was going to leave and you said fine go ahead she was testing you. She did leave but she came back and you let her stay. So now what you say and what she says and your actions don't match. It's like when a parent tells his child no but then lets them have what they want. You have to back up what you say with actions and stick to them. You have fallen into the role of parent. You are not the parent you are the child but now your mom is acting like the child and now you are her parent. I think she should help you more. Do you want your brothers there? You did nothing wrong what i think you possibly feel is guilt because it is your mother and you feel obligated but your not obligated. No one should be taken advantage of.
580016
can't you see each other without the aid of anybody? there are lots of ways you know. but, just in case that there are no more options left, tell your mom, who knows, your mom and her bestfriend might even like the idea. :)
361688
her mom has every right to be upset and protective.  even checking her space once a month isnt enough. there are some crazy ppl out there. i am talkin from experience.\n\ndon't encourage her to keep one after her mom said no...it will just make things worse.  check out this link....this was done locally by a radio station where i live.  there are precautions to take that will help...but nothing is ever 100% safe
5068
She's your mom. If she hasn't let go at this point, she probably won't. Make sure she knows you love her, then do what you have to do. She'll get over it. Moms are like that.
586351
First, Darlin', know that she wants 2 things. One, to be valuable, and two, she really is trying (in her own way) to look out for you. My son (Ian) and I just had this conversation yesterday. He (Ian) is almost 28 now and we were talking about Mike, his brother (they are twins) who got engaged at 20 to a woman 7 years older than he was. At the time I told his brother that he was too young and inexperienced to be ruling out his options, and that marring a woman that did have experience would mean that he would never win an argument with her or be equal in the relationship. He (Mike) thought I was raining on his parade. Yesterday his brother (Ian) and I were talking about how it is so hard to shut your mouth when you have had years of experience and know what your children don't. Ian was saying that he wished that his brother (who is now married with a small child) had listened, and that he can now really understand how frustrating it is for a parent to have experience and want to protect their child. \n\nIt is really hard on your mom for you to grow up. She is afraid that you won't need her anymore and she is trying to prove her worth by giving advice, a little too enthusiastic, I agree, but still, try to keep where she's coming from in mind. So, why don't you try this. The next time you are expressing a thought and she cuts you off, say "wait just a second, Mom. I really want to know what you think and I want to make sure you have all my thoughts before you give me yours, that way you will have all the information and I won't have to interrupt you." Try it and let me know if it works. If it doesn't, I can think of a couple of other tactics. \nGood luck!
307794
At this point in time you have done all you can, or at least all you've had time to do.  You can try, but don't alienate her.  When/if it goes wrong she will need you. You may be disappointed but you're a good mom and that's your job.  Teach her what you can, some people are hard learners. But *if* it goes wrong, she *will* need you.  So don't put her in the position of not wanting to come to you when she needs help because she doesn't want an "I told you so."
187854
Vee....This is the Mom you said you wished your mom was like.  I can't be your "angel" but I can be a friend.  Please don't feel alone.\nShow your mom your question and my answer we had the other day about your "personal" problem.  I'm sure if she reads it, and reads what you said back to me, she'll slow down enough to realize she needs to give you the attention you need.  I'm sure she loves you more than life itself, and is trying to provide financial support for her family.  Unfortunately, now that we are in the 2000's it's hard to survive financially unless you burn the candle at both ends.  Just the basic living expenses are very expensive, and looks like there's no end in sight.  And raising a teenage girl and the clothes and things THEY want can almost require a second job! LOL!  Maybe you should say "Thank You" to Mom for providing a good life for you, and make an "appointment" with her to discuss these things.  I think she'll make time for you...I really do.  If you ever want to just talk or blow off steam, please feel free to email me (ljpeterson1956@yahoo.com), and so your mom doesn't think I'm some "pervert" make sure she always sees and knows about our emails if you do write me.  I assure you and her, I'm a 49 year old working full-time mom myself. I've been working in County government for 30 years, and have a 21 year old daughter with health issues. I've had to give extra attention to her because when her Dad and I divorced, he stopped having anything to do with her.  She and I are very close, and I wish that on any young girl trying to cope with this big old scary world.  When I read your letter in ANSWERS I just HAD to respond.  I have a special place in my heart for your situation.  Good luck....and have you made a doctor appointment yet??  ;-)
217857
tell your hubby how you feel. If your not comfortable living there anymore, tell him. Let him know that you have nothing against his mom, but you've also got your lives to think about. You two need time to yourself, need your own privacy, and need your own space. Tell his mom, that even though it's her house, you have rights to, and need your space. You could always move out to a place of your own, maybe your hubby will follow, maybe he just wants to support his mom for the rest of his life. Talk to him, he might have things on his mind about the situation to
478369
Get sam or the carrot to do it for you. maybe your crazy mother will help.
505369
try to talk to her, i mean i had the same experience with my mom and isnt easy to get along but one day i told her that i wanted to tak to her seriously and i gave her my points of views, since then she respects everything i do and i thing and i respect her as well. Just try to talk with her communication is the base for a good relationship.
97602
Does your mother know that you now know she is a man ? If so, talk to her about it with an open mind. If she/he has not abused you and have been a loving parent, that is most important than gender. You may need counseling to help with the process. You did not indicate your age, so, I do not know how much you can do without her  approval.
138701
She's not your mother.  Let your husband do it.  It's his mother, he needs to do it himself.
453644
I know this is going to sound screwy to you but we all fall short. We all disappoint. We all are unworthy of the ones who love us most. I am 27 and married for 10 years. Your dad made a commitment to your mother. Not you. How do you know that she doesn't know? Maybe she does but doesn't want to look at it. Why don't you write her a note? Since you now know about this, it will eat you alive until you get it out in the open. A letter is the best way to deal with it. And at the end of the letter write this. Mom, I wanted you to know these things but i'm leaving it up to you to make it spoken. If you want it will never be brought up again. If you want to talk about it i'm behind you. Love her and support her with what she wants.
290373
Time is the only thing which will provide answers for you. Perhaps your mother does not deserve your trust, repect and honour, and if that is true, I am sorry. Your mom is supposed to be the one to provide guidance to you, but for some reason you aren't listening to her. If your bf does not have legal status in the USA, you don't want to endanger him, so moving in with him would make him vulnerable. I suggest you stay with your mom for the present time, and take the time to figure out how to make things work. Maybe you can help you bf get legal status without marrying him. It is very difficult to obtain status through marriage now. Good luck in your future......just give it a little more time.
30832
This is a family issue. You know you are innocent so, I would allow your mom to know whats going on. Yes even your father. They can be your greatest allies here. Sometimes parrents can be a true blessing and in this case, maybe MOM has a few tips up her sleeve that can really help. After all she was once your age and had her best friend too. I would goto them with everything and let them in on it. That way your relationship to your folks is greatly inhanced and they may even have the solution you need. Its worth a shot.