I was dumped by my GF because I "looked down" on her. Early in our relationship I can feel that she really trusts me. She was really serious about me until I took her for granted and started to "detach" my feelings for her and said something not nice (regarding her intelligence and the likes) which I shouldn't have done. Then later on, she tells me that I am a selfish person. She further adds that she is more happy if I do not meet with her anymore. \n\nThe thing is I feel I have betrayed her and broken up her trust. That's why she broke up with me. Then yesterday I called her on the phone (in 6 mos). She sounded excited to hear my voice. I later found that she already had a BF for 5 months. I can feel that she only has kept her BF because of loneliness. I remember she told me when we were together (b4 I hurt her emotion) that our relationship is serious than her other relationships she had. How do I regain my trust for her? Should I call her like before and try to get her back?
123885
There is no "simple" answer for this one because it's a complicated life issue. For example, there are two other concerns you (and your former lady, too) may have easily overlooked.\n\nOne, although opposites attract in trelationshipg, it is "like-minded" people who experience longevity. Meaning, unless a person is like you, at the core, too many differences will need to be overcome. Eventually such a relatinship finds its natural path toward separation.\n\nIt does not seem that you and your lady are actually and really, two "compatible" personalities.\n\nTwo, regardless of the above, it still stands to reason that it takes an "inwardly happy" person to be able to appreciate and share the happiness of someone else. That is, you attract only what you are inside.\n\nFor example, it seems that you showed your lady in the beginning that you were not completely happy with "yourself." Upon her seeing this, she decides that it is truly better to be without you.\n\nIf you really want to get her back, and keep her, and do it all "successfully and happily," you must enhance your own inner self-contentment.\n\nHow do you achieve that? It's your decision, but you must do it because your peace of mind depends upon it.\n\nOne suggestion is "self-talk." That is, asking yourself bottom-line questions about what truly makes you happy... and developing the courage to follow up, even when the answer is "not" a positive one.\n\nOne of the very best ways to "give" happiness, is to "be" a a truly happy person, satisfied both with your talents and your inadequacies, as well, but still content with peace of mind, no jealousy, no envy, no resentment, and especially, not feeling sorry for yourself.\n\nIt truly sounds like, at that time, you were just too self-absorbed with your own problems, to be able to really appreciate her and give yourself to her without reservation on your part.\n\nIt's never too late to be a better person. And, once she recognizes this quality in you, she will want you more.\n\nHopefully, she will still be available for you, once you arrive at this point. However, even if she is not, you can take such wisdom and peace with you, wherever you go, and it sill boost your relationship's happiness in almost any circumstances.\n\nHope you find this helpful.
440143
You should be honest just like you are in your letter.  You are absolutely right in the fact the she will be hurt but it is in the way that the break up is done that determines on a certain level the impact that it could leave for her future.  First of all do not kiss her or show romantic feelings before breaking up because it only confuses the person.  Eventhough your intentions would be to make her feel better you can not take care of the person since you need to distant yourself.  Be gentle, be caring but with your words and your face but after it is done be respectful and dont give her false impressions or false hope.  Last but not least try to stay away from situations where you could come face to face with her so that she does not feel like you are partying and celebrating your new found freedom.  Go through a period of mourning yourself that way everybody will have time to heal from a separation.  You seem like a good guy so I am sure that you will do the right thing, just be nice and try to understand what she is going through she is being dumped and no one likes but also no one dies from it and it can be a growing experience for everyone if it is well done.  Good luck my friend and continue having a kind heart because its nice to know that even the dumper can feel alot of pain
538940
Appreciate that he is returning your calls and has let you know that they're HIS issues, not yours.\n\nYou've only been hanging out a month.  Depending on what he has going on, that's really not enough time to develop trust.  It happens over time, and this relationship is in it's beginning stages.  It may not be an exclusive relationship, though it sounds like it's heading that way.\n\nDon't put any more pressure on him.  He knows you're there, he knows you're concerned.  That's enough.  If you continue to call him, then you need to ask yourself "Am I really concerned about him, or am I feeling insecure because I'm not part of what's going on?"  He's having some challenges right now, and I think he's handling this appropriately.  If you're really concerned about him, then keep it about him.  Be available to him if / when he needs you.  \n\nWhat's going on with him has nothing to do with you.  Keep this situation in its proper perspective; otherwise, you will lose him before you've gotten things off the ground.
45497
This is a hard one, and trust is a hard thing to get back once its been broken. if she begins a new relationship she should definately tell her new guy how shes been hurt and that she needs him to show her hes honest. Not all guys out there are going to be so bad and you should try to give them the benefit of the doubt. If a guy hurts you and the relationship ends, try thinking of it this way: he lost more then you did. Tell her shes qa great catch just waiting for the right guy to come and see that. Good luck, and tell her i wish her the best in love.
168136
Right now buddy, the best thing that you can do is to love yourself... If you don't know how to love yourself, how can others love you back... Always remember that ok? I know that you are in a very tough situation now, that's why you find it very hard to eat and to sleep, and that's normal, but you should take care of yourself because that can lead to too much depression which can be harmful for you... About getting her back, I think that you should follow the advise of some of your friends who are girls because they understand what a woman feels after a hurtful situation like that, unlike us guys who are tougher and can handle situations like that... Always remember that girls are emotional and its really hard to earn back their trust, you must first prove to her that you are sincere with your apology and show her how you still love her by waiting her make-up her mind... Give her time to think because girls always want assurance before they make a tough decision... And always be prepared and be open-minded whatever her decision will be, you should learn to accept whatever her decision is because that is your consequence, you are the one who cheated... And don't be too aggressive on her, let her think... Actually, your girl is too kind coz she still accepted you to be her bestfriend for now after wht you have done... The only key to get her back is give here some space and time to think and prove her how much you love her by waiting and accepting patiently for her final decision about your relationship... Goodluck buddy... And don't do that again because it is not only her trust that you will lose, but also the trust of your future girlfriends if ever...
545563
They are probably telling you that because they love you and they can see you are hurting.   Hell yeah, you have every right to be angry.  Cheating is the ultimate betrayal.  It nips at the core of your self esteem, it tells you that you are not good enough.  It doesnt matter whether it was a mistake or not because things do happen in the heat of the moment and mistakes still get made, but it doesnt change how the person who is being cheated on feels about themselves.  I guess the big question is....do you still love her?  That is the hardest part to get over and it is going to take a bit more time than 2 weeks to get her out of your head and your heart.  Depending on how much you loved her will determine how long you will grieve for.  And you do grieve when you lose someone you love.  Just know that not all girls/women are the same...so dont carry her betrayal into another relationship....treat it as brand new....you have to trust because your next girlfriend is not the old girlfriend and you dont want to start any relationship off badly because of the things that happened to you with someone else.  Distrust and jealousy is the quickest way to lose someone....so you need to come to terms with what has happened and when you are done grieving, move on and leave what she did where it belongs....in the past.\n\nI hope it wont take you long until you start to trust again.  Try to not blame yourself....it was not your fault she cheated...it was just the relationship was not meant to be...she was not the girl for you.\n\nI hope you feel better soon....You wont always feel angry.  With time you will just put it down to experience.
258376
Apparently, you never loved her.  You were into the chase for her.  You have hurt her badly.  As a person, you will need to grow from this and explain to her about your feelings.  She will feel betrayed by you.  She probably knew that you were not serious, but your persistance made her second guess herself and accept you as a boyfriend.  Know you have thrown this in her face.  Very sad.
625942
Sounds to me like shes moved on and you are just a past time for when she is bored. I think if I were you I would move on and forget her. I dont think I would be looking for suggestions to get her back, theres a saying that says something about set it free and if it comes back its love if it doesnt than it wasnt meant to be, something like that lol so if she didnt come back than shes not going to. You deserve someone who will love you no strings or plans attached, so your only cheating yourself and her if you try to get her back and she doesnt want to be back it wont work out again it will only be worse.
332079
If she took it that seriously you can really tell that it hurt her most because she was already feeling like a nobody.The truth is what hurts people the most. The best perspective here is to think that she's not talking to you because she needs you to suffer a little so you can see that you made a big mistake; if this is the case then it's temporary and she will get back with you. I don't think you should face this,for now, as the end of the relationship,if she loves you,she will forgive you. I think you have done all the right things,as you said, asking for forgiveness and owning up to the mistake.
392585
WOW you must be dating the girl that just broke up with me! So I will tell you what got me to be her boyfriend.... for a few days   8 (     She seems like the type of girl you have to fit, you cant fake. If you try to guess what she wants and emulate her perfect man and you arent... she will pick up on that and you will look dumb. But I would suggest break down her personality type. Hopefully you fit these. (ok starting off with that line probably makes u want to skip over my advice. I'm 22, she's 24 and looking for a husband in the near future. I didnt mess up in the courtship, She is moving far away very soon) but anyway...\n\nStrict - She wont like you giving her rules, but I believe her being strict means she likes order! This quality in girls is hard to deal with if you are a guy with low confidence. Dont second guess what you do. Either Do it 100% or don't. You don't want to seem out of "order".\n\nAggressive - What kind of aggressive? Assertive or actually Aggressive? Will she pursue a challenging goal? Or will she stand up to someone who tries to do her wrong? If she Is "Assertive" then that is a great thing, especially for you. A girl who is assertive wont play hard to get so much, because if she wants you she wont make it difficult for herself to have you. If she is aggressive in nature then you have to be aggressive. She is already confident in her own abilities to protect herself so Im sure she would want her man to do the same. And I dont mean physically I mean in general. You dont have to be confrontational about problems but you def cant let her see someone get over on you. You dont have to fight or anything, just make sure you take a stand.\n\nProud - A proud woman is a secure woman.\n\nStrong Woman - Ok so she is proud we get that. Accept the fact that she is in line with her femininity and doesn't see it as a weakness. So if you ever do something for her that would seem sexist. You can score a point or two by saying something like "its not because your a woman, its because I'm a gentleman" or something like that. Let her know that, yes you know she could have done it herself, but you wanted to do it for her.\n\nNow as far as the seduction goes. If you want her to be your girlfriend the attraction will build if you fit her type. Stick to your plans, dont be a flake. And be romantic all the time! Pursue pursue pursue, if you start dating, pursue some more. No girl wants to feel "got". Even if she is your girlfriend she wants to feel like you know that at any moment she could belong to someone else, so you are doing everything to show her how much she means to you! \n\nLastly respect yourself. Dont pursue her like a lap dog, be a man. She should know that at any moment you could be with someone else, but you know 100% that you want her and no one else matters. Dont look pathetic because u dont want to get used. She wants a man by her side. No man walks in front of his woman showing her off as a trophy, and no real man wants to walk in a woman's shadow being her boy toy. She wants her man at her side. If all else fails rent Hitch and watch it twice.\n\nIts a lot but it worked for me. I hope i didnt offend anyone though. Sorry if i did.
492673
Sorry:-))) But i am kind of amused...You know, the first thing that men have to learn about women is to give them their space. Hey...if your parting words weren't bitter, there is no cause for alarm. I am sure she'll call..giv her some time. You said she had a boyfriend..well, maybe she is busy..there could be a thousand things you dont know...So dont miss her too much. Try and concentrate on ur GF. I am sure she be in touch shortly.
143824
I kinda` understand your girlfriend but the situation you`re caught in too...I think that the love chain brought the two of u back together everytime you two broke up.It`s hard to stick without your beloved.The fact of ignoring her love was not a good idea at all,even though i believe that u have done it just to satisfy you self-ego...and now you are the one who wants to get close to her again...After brokin up several times i think that it`s better to take it slow,show her that u care about her ,without pressuring her cause this will scare her away even though i`m sure that she still loves u...She`s hurt...and all u have to do it`s to gain her confidence again,dip a deeper place in her heart than u already have.By rushing her u will not receive anything.Do simple things for showing her how much she meens to u,that u can change and that the two of u together can work it out.It`s all about motivation and how much do u really want things to work out...and of course...u need love from both sides...\n I hope that my answer will help u in some way... :P
224631
She is totally using you and you should dump her.  She's already proven over and over again that she doesn't care about your feelings by cheating on you and it's just plain disrespectful of her to screw around with this guy then come running to you.  Find yourself someone who will respect and love you.
380764
if you really love her let her take her time.  don't push or you'll push her away completely.  talking helps.  let her express herself and give her space.  never make her feel as though it's all or nothing, when a woman feels pressured, just like guys, she'll walk away. chances are, if she's not opening up to you becuase of a bad past relationship, she's not opening up to anyone else, so don't worry or feel insecure.  you both need to take your time.  if she's worth the feelings you have for her, then let her go at her own pace.  she needs to know that she'll be able to trust you.  she may feel more for you than she's letting on and may just be afraid.  cheating does damage and she just needs time to heal.  it may not feel like you're rushing her to you, but it might to her.  she needs to feel ready to let someone in again. try to understand her side of it through calm conversations and heart to hearts with her.  you won't lose her.
217847
it's a subconscious reaction to being treated poorly. I'm guilty of it too, however men and women do this. I dated a guy that REFUSED to trust me because he'd had an ex cheat on him. Every time I was out later than expected or didn't answer the phone, he'd throw a fit. Women do the exact same thing. When past experiences were out of your control, you do a complete 180 and try to control everything. If you are dating someone who will not trust you no matter what, it can also be a sign that they're not trustworthy. You have to go with gut instinct about things like that. If it doesn't feel right, and you're more upset than not around the person, you may want to get out of the situation. Of course I would suggest having a real conversation about it a few times before throwing her to the curb.
238955
why did she break up with you in the first place? maybe she realized that she made a mistake and is reconsidering going back out with you.  give it time and don't do anything, let her make the first move.  maybe she is just spying on you to see if you got a new girlfriend, driver her jelous by showing her that you are happy without her
506850
I don't mean to say this to get you upset or angry or anything, but it seems to me that your dissatisfaction stems more from yourself than from her actions, I think. It sounds like you weren't truly sure you were done with the relationship when you ended it, and as a result you couldn't fully own your decision to break up with her. Perhaps you were afraid of something, like her breaking up with you first, or jealousy issues, or something similar, and that is why you ended it?Or maybe you were trying to prove a point, or you thought she'd come back?\nAll in all, the above types of reasons for ending a relationship ultimately do not stem from dissatisfaction with the other person, so much as they stem from personal dissatisfaction, in one form or another, if that makes sense? Jealousy issues are your insecurities acting up... proving a point or thinking she'd come back are manipulative moves which might indicate a lack of trust in the relationship, yet also an inability to let go of something which is making you upset...\nIt really sucks to feel this way, and I'm sure that anyone who has broken up with a few people has probably experienced this at one point or another. Just feel the pain for now - it will pass, and feeling pain is ok. Then, once the pain dies down a bit, examine what is going on with yourself... take care of yourself first. You probably knew what you were doing when you ended the relationship, even if not for the reasons you thought you had ended it for. Personal development is a great way to turn a crappy situation into a good experience.\nGood luck!