I looked at my watch and said, "Shoot!  When did my watch stop?!"\n\nMy Dad and brother were under a shelter in the pouring down rain, and I was in the van across the field.  They were waiting for the rain to stop so they could get to the van.  Mom said to me, "Why don't you go take them these 2 umbrellas?"  So I was like, "Sure!"  So there I went, running in the pouring down rain with TWO umbrellas and it never dawned on me to put one of them up!!!!!\n\nHave Fun laughing at yourself, at me, and others!  Hahaha.
129284
I put my county inspection sticker on the wrong vehicle and couldn't get it off, then a cop came over and asked why I was stealing someone's sticker off their license plate.
483901
I think that's funny! Now I'll tell "you" one. When we were kids, we built a tree house across the street. My older sister was in it with my brother, when suddenly one of the wide floor boards gave way, and my sister fell through....almost. My brother caught her by the hair, and both of them were yelling for someone to come & help them. My Dad & I ran across the street to see what was going on, and sure enough, my brother had my sister by the hair, and didn't want to drop her because he thought she might get hurt. My dad said for my brother to let go of her hair, and my brother refused! My Dad & I were laughing sooo hard! Finally my dad "ordered" my brother to let go of my sisters hair. When he let go, my sister only fell about 8 inches to the ground! My sister was so embarrassed, she chased me a half mile down the road! They were both mad because the whole time, my brother could have released her hair!!!!hahaha!
296431
LOL c below:-\n\nA little boy was watching his parents through the key hole for a long time. Finally he says to himself.\n- And these people do not allow me to pick my nose!
485419
We had just stood in formation for 45 minutes during a ceremony to name a permanent regimental commander and command sergeant major.  I had a lot of water before the formation and I really had to go.  \n\nAfter we were dismissed my buddy and I went to the PX to go get some lunch, so we ordered our food, dropped it at a table, and both rushed to the latrine.  There were 3 stalls and 2 urinals.\n\nMy buddy was ahead of me and he went into the far stall.  I went to the urinal, but some really old guy went to the second stall.\n\nWell the old guy had some sort of problem and made some thunderous sounds on the toilet, to which my buddy remarked "Good Lord you have got some cannon fire over there," thinking that it was me next to him in the middle stall.\n\nI didn't know what he was talking about at first, but then I guess the smell got to him and he said "Oh my God, dude, you reak!  I think I am going to be sick."\n\nThe old guy then let loose with some thunder and there was a lot of plopping.  At that point I was laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe, even though I wanted to tell him it wasn't me.\n\nSo he flushed the toilet at about the same time as the old guy and they both exited the stall at the same time.  The regimental commander was the old guy.
272748
My ex-husband (we had been married 10 years) gave me the surprise Christmas gift of having arranged for me drive 2000 miles to spend the rest of the holiday with my grandmother. It was very inconvenient for me to actually take the trip, and way out of our budget at the time, but his own grandparents had recently died, and I imagined this had something to do with his strange gift ... he had already called Gramma and told her to expect me and all. So I went. \n\nThrough the entire trip, my husband wasn't answering the phone or returning my calls. His parents also couldn't be reached. You can imagine how little either Gramma or I enjoyed the visit with me being worried sick. So I turned around and headed home through a blizzard.\n\nI arrived home after 40 hours of straight driving to find my husband in OUR bed with a teenager, and about $3000 in credit card bills from their "honeymoon" in DisneyWorld.\n\nTo this day, he complains to our friends that I "didn't have to be such a bitch" about that. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with the dumb psycho bastard for another 20 years.
385214
I stopped after my last visit with my Oldest Son. He swore they wouldn't do the U know before football check -I told him they would but anyway-when they did, along with the fact the Dr.was a funny looking little man that talked funny too!,Man I burs ted out laughing in the Dr's office and could not stop.I tried digging around in my purse ,finding something else to look at or do to stop laughing ,but my giggle box got flipped and I know that the Dr. thought I was mad or something but I could not quit laughing (I laughed until we got in the car to leave I was barely able to write the check )and my Son was so embarrassed he never wanted me to go with him again.That was fine with me but I still can't explain what happened to me that day-I know he thought I did it on purpose because I didn't want to go back in the 1st place but I really DID NOT.This has only happened one other time in my life.It can be embarrassing.
128230
Hahaha - share your pain.  While stranded up in VT over the winter, my guy and I rented a VCR and The Aristocrats to watch back at the hotel (yes, we PAID to use a VCR ick).\n\nWe were enjoying some bubbly and were a bit giddy - yet did not find it the least bit amusing.  At first we thought we were missing something - like there was something inherently funny about it, but we were missing a piece of information about the punchline.  We couldn't finish watching it!\n\nFriends of ours watched it as well and while they found it funny that Bob Sagget was talking so dirtily, there was nothing actually funny about the joke.\n\nIt's too bad, too b/c I would like to have enjoyed it, given all the hype I read about it.
555880
I was kissing my g/f's mom when my g/f walked it.  \n\n\nMan, she was MAD!!
227606
How about: I was feeding my dog Hooch when my bra stap (on the left-hand side) got caught on the edge of his dog collar (on the right hand side) and whoops! Whoa there! We were suddenly hooked together.\n\nI reached over my right shoulder to try and unhook us when the telephone, which my dog always runs to answer, rang.\n\nIn running towards the ringing sound he ripped my strap and my other bras being in the wash, I decided there and then on the spot to do an impromtu laundering.\n\nWhile the water was running into the laundry machine, the hose connected to the hot-water tap, jerked lose. Hooch had still been attached to the bra when I threw it in the machine and in tugging to get free,  he pulled the washer off it's base and yanked the hot-water connecting hose from its moorings!\n\nThe water flooded my basement, and my soggy-shirted basement tenant, surged out of it and roared, "That's it! That's the last straw! Look what you've done! I was working on my end of year report cards and now they are toast! You will have to stay home today with me and help me rewrite them. After that, you'll have to find a new tenant to help you out with your gambling debts. Didn't anyone ever tell you that betting on Chicken Little to win it all on American Idol was an extremely dumb idea! And even if it wasn't, you didn't have to get me to help you rob a bank to pay off that loser, MacDougald who only made a lucky stab at Taylor in the first place! Heck, MacDougald, hides his money in an old sock under his bed. The last time he was in a bank, you were in diapers! That's enough hiding out for me! This time, I really am going to tell everybody the truth! And I really did go to Cleveland with you guys last summer!"\n\nAnd that's the reason why I've been away all week! It's also the reason I'll never be away again, no, no, no not ever! Except for maybe ..next Tuesday! You see  my tenant died suddenly yesterday, and I've got his funeral to attend next week. By the way, it's in Cleveland.
667130
I always called it dropping your friends off at the pool or building a log pile.  Once, I was on my way to the bathroom and my mom asked me where I was going.  I said, "I'm going to drop my friends off at the pool." and she yelled back, "Well, take ur brother with you." lol.
335962
once i was going to a place with my mom n one another family accompanied us. we all sat in the car n left fa that place.. i was feeling very cold inspite of those being hot summer days.. n without thinking fa a while i remarked " strange..how can it b so cold in this very season".. got to hear smbdy giggling n my mom atonce replied" how can u b so stupid... its jus the air conditioner dats causing cooling"... laughter + a lil bit of shame overtook me.. i think i was really very stupid dat day...:)
159221
How about a big mistake I almost made?  Early 70's, living in Berkeley, trying to change the things I couldn't, and so on, and so on. 4 a.m. I'm going to drive over to S.F. and jump over the G.G. Bridge, the Bay Bridge ? not classy enough for me.  Thought I'd stop off in Golden Gate Park, have a smoke, than go do it.  Here comes this mounted S.F. police officer, on his horse, leading another riderless horse.  We made eye contact and I figured I better say something as to not get hassled.  "Where's your partner"  Not cracking a smile nor breaking pace, he replied " Indians got him" !!!  I laughing so hard I wet myself, went home, had great "make up sex" and lived some what happily ever since.  \nMark C.
128639
The last time I did was when I was a junior in high school. Some friends had tp'd the house and my dad made me go out immediately to clean it up because rain was in forecast. We have massive trees in the front and the guy friends had a good arm. I couldn't get all of it down. My dad came outside, stood on a ladder, made a make-shift torch and was burning the toilet paper. Bear in mind that it was around 1 am. The neighbor across the street was looking out her window as my dad stood on the ladder with the torch. His pants then fell down as did the rag of the torch. There he stood on the ladder with his pants down to his ankles, the hair on his hand singed off, and the neighbor lady looking out her window. I lost it -- laughed so hard I wet my pants.
597287
Thats cool.\nI've got one.\n\nThere's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.\n\nThe poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."\n\n"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
419578
my friends, mothers, friend:\nold guy with gray hair got into car, wearing a big black coat.\nkindly got into seat and bukled up.\nI ask what his name was and he said "Paul."\nhe would not say a last name though.\nhe said he would like to go to the edge of texas wich was okay because i was heading to california from alabama.\n3 hours into the trip we stopped at a chillies and had lunch. we where in a small town. it took him a while to get out of the car. after the meal. he kindly said to me "I do not need to go any further."\nI left him there. when i got to the car i found only a note on my seat saying "I was going to kill you, I planned to do it right before you said 'r u hungery?' but you were to nice. You are lucky you remind me of my mother. Anyone else I would have killed nyway.\n-Paul"
96332
Let's see, I woke up to two screaming kids, this morning, made them breakfast, checked my emails..(cuz ya never know)\nAnswered yahoo questions for a few hours, took a shower, read and pondered over an insufficiant funds notice,(how the heck did THAT happen) dropped my daughter off for an interview, went to the bank to deposit a few checks, found out I was still in the negative, ran back home to get the other checkbook, drove back to the bank to deposit more (that one did it) picked up my daughter from her interview, took her to the liscence branch to see what she needed to get her permit, stopped at Dairy Queen so she could buy herself a banana split, went back home and made the kids some lunch, watched my husband on the computer, had him check my emails again (cuz you never know, as usual) started a load of laundry, watched my daughter chat with her boyfriend online (family friends) made dinner, back to yahoo answers, (and waited for emails,) sent kids to bed, talked to my friend on the phone, back to yahoo answers, answered a bunch of questions, came across your question, gave a VERY lengthy answer for you, now I'm getting ready to submit my answer, hoping to god that when I click that button, I don't find out that you've removed it!!!
284897
i went to the gym with a friend and saw a cute guy.\nhe winked at me and i thought "Wow HE winked at ME"\n..."ME!" i mean he was so hot. anyway i got on the tred, and one more thing my pants were a little big, and started running kind of slow then the cute guy gets on the tred next to me and smiles at me. so then i was going to impress him so i started to go faster all of the sudden i noticed that i was running on level 10 and was running really fast! Suddenly i trip on my pants fall off the tred and now my pants are hanging off my butt with my underwear!!!  the whole gym was starring at me. my friend helped me up and belive me i never went back to that place again\n\nHOW Embarrassing!!