i am in a marriage that i am not happy in even though my husband is a really good person to me and our son but i am not happy he works so much we do not see each other and i feel so lonely all the time that i feel like i am by myself most of the time so i think why not be alone i do not know what to do i feel he and my son will be so broken up if i do leave but should i stay and be the only one unhappy?
129079
Before you give up ask yourself a few questions..is he working all those hours to benefit us as a family or to get away from home. Could he be unhappy also and not wanting to be a family unit. Next talk with him in a calm manner and ask him these questions after you have already answered them for yourself. From there see if this is going to be the best thing for your child as a whole and also you. Will you regret leaving and wished you would have stayed. Right now your lonely and think you would be better off alone but think of the long term and not the short term.............
249590
It doesn't sound a very happy situation to be in.\n\nWhen you married, you made some promises to your wife. They were quite serious ones, and it was a permanent contract. What you think of that is your own affair. I have learned to try not to moralise about what others do because, when it comes down to it, I am no better myself.\n\nI think your first concern should be to write down all the options and find the way that will give all people concerned the most happiness (or the one that will cause the least hurt, if you prefer to look at the negative side of it). \n\nYou must also involve the others somehow. They are also people with as much right as you, if not more, to have feelings, to make a choice and to have a say in things. \n\nIf you are a very brave man, you would meet with everyone involved and discuss your problem with them honestly! A counsellor is useful as a mediator and 'chairman' in meetings like this.\n\nWhatever you do, however, you MUST be honest and open with yourself and everybody else and you MUST communicate. You certainly don't have the right to make decisions for other people, only yourself.\n\nIt's worth bearing in mind that our lovers, friends and acquaintances serve specific purposes in our lives. We tend to make friends - and keep them - for our specific needs. We   nearly all have 'giving' needs as well as 'taking' needs, so the relationships are mutually beneficial.\n\nLove does not always involve jumping into bed with someone (sex is one of our needs, of course, and should be shared with someone we love). I would look very carefully at what it is you feel for this other woman - and what you feel is lacking in your relationship with your wife.\n\nIt's a hard decision and may take a long time to resolve. As long as you think carefully before deciding what to do, consider others' happiness before your own and remember that one can love someone deeply and, perhaps desire them, yet still decide not to follow the whims of Little Willy.\n\nI wish you well.
515754
So you're hangin in there out of fear of being alone?\n\nHmmm, really bad basis for a relationship.  No one else can make you happy.  You're the only one who controls that.   He's obviously not producing positive feelings in you so time to walk away.\n\nYou do need to find something though that interests you (solo) so that you can learn to feel comfortable in your own skin...ie: being alone, loving yourself for who you are, etc.  \n\nThere's nothing wrong with you.  The sooner you love and respect yourself, the less you'll choose (unconsciously or otherwise)  to be bothered by him.  Sounds like your feelings aren't so mixed.
392720
Tough situation, but the mother-in-law always seem to win.  Don't feel guilty for not going out with someone who makes you feel unwanted.  Since it's your husband we are talking about, don't you get to spend time with him anyway away from his mother?  He's your husband and you can have your way with him  anytime you want.  Stay home and wait for him, speak to mom, and keep it simple.
645606
I do that,i don't know why but i do! I think you just need to be happy with yourself and being alone.To make sure your not dependant on someone else for happiness,then you'll want to move in because you'll be brining happiness into the relationship!
656437
If you are not happy - then leave... why would you try to make him feel good when you do not feel good? It is YOUR JOB to make you feel good- not his.... you cannot control how others feel, can only control your own feelings
8132
1.  If you are having problems in your current relationship that you just run away from, they will come back on you.  Get counseling before you do something irrevocable.\n2.  It's not fair to your husband to dissolve your relationship without giving him a chance to make it work better.  \n3.  If you really feel that you should be single, price out how much it will be to leave your husband.  Can you get a place to stay that is safe and affordable?  Will your husband be able to stay where you live or are you going to force him to leave his home?  \n4. If you leave, do you have any single friends?  How are you going to meet these mythical lovers?  Are you being realistic in your expectations or are you daydreaming about finding the perfect lover?\n5. You say you want "freedom".  What kind of freedom are you looking for, and could you possibly find it within your marriage?  And if you can't get it within your marriage, why do you think you can get it outside of your marriage?\n\nWhatever you do, I recommend a book called "Recovering Love", by J. Richard Cookerly.  Ignore the subtitles, the book is really about what really makes marriages work.  It will help you and your husband rebuild your relationship if you choose that path, and it will help you choose future lovers better if that's the path you choose.
114390
I am in that situation right now. I had a one night stand and got pregnant, which I was told I could never have children. The guy and I got together but we weren't in love. We made our bed so we are lieing in it. It isn't our son's fault that we didn't use protection. Besides I am happy I had my son. We feel that even though we are not happy, in order for our son to be whole with a happy life, that we are sacrificing our happiness. Divorce is really hard on the children and being raised by a single parent is sometimes difficult. All my son's friends are being raised by a single parent. Most of them come to our home to eat dinner and get dessert which they don't get at home. They hang out at our house cos their parents are out on the weekends trying to find another mate. One has gone down the wrong road, the other misses home cooked meals, the other one misses his dad doing father-son things even though there is visitation. If there isn't any abuse involved, I would say stay until they are out of high school.
100278
There is no doubt you should leave.  You need to because it is what is best for you and for your kids.  It also may be the only way he will reach rock bottom and truly work on his problems.  You and the kids deserve a life as hard as it may be that isn't lived around him and his problems.  You've given all you have to this marriage but he obviously refuses to give as much of himself.  You deserve more, and your kids deserve more.
137231
No, I don't think it's wrong. When you've gotten very emotionally intimate with someone, you will miss it. I hope it has nothing to do with feeling like you want to leave your husband though.\n\nI have this deep intimate connection with my husband. We are each other's best friend. I hope that you have the same with yours. It may not be the way you work, but you can change if you want to.
255458
You chose him because you loved him and saw something in him you didn't see in any other man. \nHe has a job. Nearly all men have jobs. He has a really important job that is respected and I would hope you would respect him. You should feel sad and alone. You're married and you didn't want to be left alone. I can see where that wasn't part of the original deal. But you did marry for "better or worse" and if this is the worse, you're doing ok.\nIt is worth it. I believe with every part of my being that he misses you more than you ever realize. He is sad and alone and misses what he could have with you if he were here. \nI would find a support group or at least a counselor to talk to. Sometimes ministers are a good resource. Don't give up. Hang in there.......
595155
I wish that I could tell you a wonderful answer where everything will be great, BUT I know how you feel, I was an abused child and married when I had just turned 17.  Well he started reminding me of my Mother before long.  I had no family, no one but his family as my friends, I had no place to go, so I stayed, It became very clear that he didn't love me, but I was so afraid.  But after 19 years I packed up and left, scared out of my mind, but you know what even though it was hard, lonely, I learned so much about myself, most of all I learned that life is to short to spend it with someone that makes you so sad, and doesn't treat you like a lover, friend or partner but more like something that they bought and paid for like an old car, then it is time to build a life that can be happier than you could ever imagine.  Even small things can make you smile or just laugh out loud especially when you have always been controled or felt like you were going to get in trouble for.  Like I would leave the bed unmade, didn't have to cook, and on Sat. morning I would lay in bed until 2 if that is what I wanted to do.  And I will tell you when you can go and come when you please and you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you too may find that life can be happy and full of good, instead of a life filled  with mostly bad and a little good every now and then.  Please take it from a woman that has been there no one can do this for you but you.  And somethings are so worth the risk.  And remember this, I had a friend one time tell me how stong I was, when I said no I am weak, she said look at what you have already been through, anything else should be a breeze.
262309
It might not be a bad idea to take as much time as you can afford to get away and go see your family.  Before you go sit him down and explain that you love him but you feel that you are in this marriage by yourself.  Tell him that you are going to take some time away from him and you want him to see how he feels being alone.  Its not a separation per say but some time apart may be beneficial for both of you.  Sometimes people get comfortable in their marriages and take each other for granted.  Perhaps if you weren't there he would realize all he would lose if you divorced him one day.  On the other hand he may not and you need to be prepared for that.  Look at it this way.  I realize that you have 7 years invested in this marriage but there is still time to get out and find someone who appreciates you if you current partner doesn't.  Give him some space but let him know why you are giving it to him.  Let him know that you would like to sit down and talk about both of your feelings when you get back.
308644
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
273564
My marriage for sure - seems there's never enough time to spend time together.  \n\nI also feel like I neglect my kids, while I'm doing housework.  But, I guess they COULD help me so that I get done faster & then we'd have more together time.  I don't feel guilty when I say "Hey, lets go to the show, or out to eat" and neglect housework/other things for the evening.  That stuff can usually wait!!
147686
Hmmm...I can not advocate that cheating on your husband no matter what the circustances are is right because if you are unhappy you at least owe it to him to voice your emotions and to move on. Just because you don't have a good relationship does not mean that his feelings should be neglected just to satisfy your own. Since you two have been together for quite some time don't you think that you owe him that much to be honest? You say that he treats you badly and that you are unhappy but I'm sorry that doesn't justify your cheating in anyway especially considering that you have no children involved that might cause you to be stuck in staying. As for the guy that you are seeing now, maybe you are in love and perhaps a future with him will be great but you are more or less in that fairytale stage of a relationship where they can do no wrong and this will fade. If this is something that you honestly feel is worth pursuing in order to make yourself happy then go for it by all means. Just remember that your happiness does not need to be based on a man and that you can find it yourself no matter what the outcome. I think that the betrayal and hurt is going to be worst for your husband who has no idea of what is about to surface and that for you it might be hard but that you'll make it since you have realized that this marriage is no longer what you want. I'm in no way trying to put you down or belittle you for your actions because it happens to the best of us since we are all only human but I would definitely consider your situation a little further and make sure that this guy just doesn't look like a better option because you dont really have the repsonsbilities and obligations that you share with your husband. There are no stings attached at this point with this new guy so it makes it all light-hearted and fun and if you do both embark on a relationship (especially a long distance one) there will be difficulties that will eventually come along. I would suggest taking some time out for yourself once you get a divorce and not rush into anything too quickly. I think that you need to hash out somethings with yourself instead of seeking comfort from a man that is merely supplying what is lacking in ur current relationship. Obviously if you decided to get married to your spouse, these feelings at one point or another were there with him and look at what has become of that. I think you need to just really spend some time with yourself and getting to reaquainted with your independent single self before finding an identity in someone else. I'm sure you are a good person and I hope that whatever choice you make that you will find the happiness that you seek. Just remember the feeling of everyone else involved and don't let your heart do all of the thinking for you during a time when you need to use your head. Best of luck to you:)
160055
Yes, I was in a similar situation in the past.  It is very hard to find out that the person  you love doesn't have the same feelings as you.  I don't think you should let him go with the hope that he will come back.  It may or may not happen.  It isn't a matter of whether you let him go because is sounds like he has made his decision.  He is probably crying a lot because he knows that he has hurt someone that he does love.  This probably makes him feel guilty.  You really need to accept that he is leaving and make sure that you don't become an old crutch to him after he goes.  If he wants his independence, don't let him keep coming to you when he needs help or gets lonely.  This won't make him come back to you, it will only make let him have the best of both worlds.  It will be hard, but you don't want to end up a doormat.  Take the time to do things that make YOU happy.  Do something that you've always wanted to do but couldn't or wouldn't because you were with him.  Hang in there, it will get a little better each day.  Good luck to you.