I have known this guy for about three years he is my best friend. I really care about him and we have been intamate (my 1st) We talk almost every night and spend time together only he says he doesn't have time for a girlfriend riht know and trust me he's not gay! It's weird how we are with each other it at times seems like we are together but i'm honestly not sure what to think anymore. I can't ask him to be with me anymore I think i've asked to many times. It at times feels like my heart just wants to give up, but i LOVE him to much to ever let him go. He say's he needs me in his Life and i know i need him in mine (it has a lot to do with how we meet). Confusion and wondering about how he feels is making my heart ache even more. What should i do how can iask him what he realy what's from me with out pushing him away. Remember I love him
128729
Sad, all i can say is you shouldnt have given your virginty to someone like that... you can either love him forever with no commitment or move on \nand i say move on cause he may not be commitment type\nits morally wrong to take a gals virginity and just not want her\nsorry to say honey\nbut i think you were fed a line and i dont think you love him he's just all you know move on... i said move on not sleep on with everyone else\nGooD LucK
584106
you say our in love with your closest friend and you have been friends for 2 years if he is a good friend and you LIKE him why would you think of dropping his friendship, it's not like he is lying to you or cheating on you. I have been in this situation a few times (always a bridesmaid never a BRIDE) but I almost always chose to keep the friendship going. It is easier to deal with the fact that he doesn't want to be sexual then to not have a friendship at all.  I hope you will make the right decision that is best for you  Good Luck
356360
He surely havs taken much place in your heart, because he was there with you when you were going through life's upheavals and downfalls. Time after time he helped you, be there with you. And you think the this guy is the one you need, because you know perfectly well, that he wants to help you whatever troubles that you will have.\n\nWhy he turned you down when you ask him out? My first impression on this issue is that he had set some boundaries between you two; avoid further commitments. May be he noticed that you now are well and able to live happily. There is no need for him to be close to you and support you.\n\nHe doesn't notice your feelings, yet even if he does, he still chooses to stay away from you. Because he sees that you do not need him in order to be strong. And he knows his role in this relationship; once you are well, he will back down or walk away.\n\nThat may explain why he doesn't talk to you; he fears if there is something more that you expected him to do or want him to commit. A friendship is really not a problem to him, I guess. But if you ask him to have stronger relationship with you. That, he cannot allow himself to do so.\n\nThere are limits that he set for himself in the first place, and he will not bridge those limits. He may fear that he can never be as caring as he used to be; and he may not have enough confidence to love you the way you want him to be.\n\nYou said it yourself; he is your first true love. That may be the very thing he fears of. Sorry, I cannot explain why. It will be best for him to answer it himself.\n\nThis is my perception on this issue; I hope that I'm not too sharp on you.\n\nGood Luck
650496
Although I have yet to have a true boyfriend I do read tons of magazines and many have had articles about these kind of situations.\nYou should talk to him about it.  This does not mean to just casually throw it in while you are together but to actually sit him down and tell him what you are feeling.\nHe probably says these things because he feels as if you are spending to much time with your friend and not a lot with him.\nSo I suggest setting aside a specific time just for you to spend with him.\nThis does not mean ignoring your friends.  You are allowed to have your own life outside of the relationship just as he is allowed to.
294900
Hey babe, your situation bites to say the least.. I've been there once or twice before and I've been on the opposite side as well. The way I handled the "rejection" was to take a step back and look at how my feelings were affecting our friendship. Once I did that I realised that we were not suited as lovers and that a close friendship was all that the both of us were capable of. \n\nIt takes a lot of time and patience to get to that stage though, so stay strong, when you're spending time together, enjoy it for what it is, stop looking at her actions as if there is a hidden meaning.. trust me - the only hidden meaning is your imagination! \n\nFrom the other side of the great love/lust struggle, when my best friend fell for me she declared her love and I let her down quite gently. For the first few days everything was great but by the end of the week we were constantly fighting and I felt that I couldn't breathe because she was smothering me with her attention. \nWe took a break for about a month and when we started really hanging out together again, she had cooled off and realised that she would rather have me in her life as a friend rather than chasing me out of her life by her desire.\n\nWhat you need to do is sit down and think about what this girl means to you and whether you can stand being around her until your feelings die down a little. \nIf the answer is yes, then maybe you need to limit the time you spend around eachother for a while and then you can go back to how things were before.\nIf the answer is no, then you need to take a look at your own life and try and come to the realisation that it may never happen and if your friend doesn't want to take you up on your offer, then you need to focus on yourself and spoil yourself until a truly deserving candidate comes into the scene :)\n\nGood luck, don't shed too many tears over her, try and broaden your circle of friends and soon enough you will rarely be thinking of her!
515072
I can certainly understand your shock.  It would be such a shame to throw away a long standing friendship though.  I would discuss with him that fact that it wierded you out and it is going to take time to understand and learn to accept it and hopefully he can bare with you until that happens.  You can still be friends but you may just want to put limitations on it such as you would not prefer to spend time with him and his boyfriend but you are willing to do things just with him.  As long as he does not hit on you then I dont see why the relationship you currently have cannot continue.  He did not choose to be gay and you have obviously liked him for who he is all along...believe me most gay people dont know who they are for a long time and they have to adjust too!! Good luck.
98527
i completely understand what ur going through, i was in the same boat a you. my advice is, if he really is happy with his girlfriend right now, i wouldn't say anything. because right now you're his friend, and you should be happy for him, unless she really isn't good for him (meaning she doesn't treat him right). but, if and when you do tell him, make sure you do it in person. just tell him that he is a great friend, and that u love being friends with him b/c he is such a great guy. then tell him that somewhere in the friendship your feelings changed, and now you like him. that's all i can really tell you. i hope i was some help.
343476
I was in a similar situation with the guy that I'm with now, only we didn't go to the same school.  We were best of friends for a year and stuff then he started going out with my best friend.  They broke up and it was really hard on my best friend so I told her that I would never go out with him.  Yes, as foolish as it may seem, I had an amazing amount of feelings for him.  But I played along and said, "Haha, yes, we're like brother and sister."\n\nWell, long story short, we got past that [so I thought] and we started going out.  Then, he just randomly comes along one day and says "It's akward because we used to be like brother and sister." etc.  So, that ended, we were still friends and now we're "together" again, I suppose, though not exclusive.\n\nSee, boys are undecisive and it may take some time for them to realize their true feelings for you.  I think you are blessed to have such a good friend but, hon, you can't MAKE him like you.  Just be who you are, and that's what he loves you for, is being you.  Just give it time and maybe someday, he will like you in the way you like him.  If you really like him, you shouldn't tell him, so you don't make it akward between you two.  But, if the time comes along when you just can't take it and you NEED to tell him, do so.  But in the right way.  Just cherish what you have with him, because it's better than nothing.
53419
They're right, you're not gay. You're just feeling a Special Bond, with your friend that you've never felt for someone. He's your BEST FRIEND and your FAMILY now, and you're depressed, insecure, and your feeling vulnerable, therefore it causes you to want to cling to him. You don't want to loose him, like you did your parents. All these things are making you confused because you've never been through so much at one time in your life. Thank god you had such a wonderful friend. That kind of friend, you'll love for the rest of your life.\n  You'll be in my prayers. Good Luck.*\n\nAddition:  MIKE92111, below, gave you a GREAT ANSWER.\n   Loving something or someone, is not the same as being  'in-love' with someone.
607918
I totally understand what you are going through .. it is not easy to lose someone you love .. especially that he is the one who gave up on your relationship .. \n\nSweetie, I want to tell you that you need time, your feelings are hitting bottom low right now and you need time to recover and heal yourself .. his rejection must have hurt you bad and your heart is bleeding right now but even though you don't believe it YOU ARE STRONG .. your quest for help proves that you are stronger than you think.\n\nMy advise to you, take your time to refresh yourself, do things and activities that you like, it is also helpful if you have a best friend (preferrably a SHE) to spend time with and just have fun,\n\nI will be praying for you
348780
It sounds like he's confused, too.  Give yourselves some time before comitting to an exclusive relationship.  Stay friends for awhile and tell him you think you like him, too but want to keep things at a just friends level for awhile.  He'll respect your wishes and it gives your relationship time to progress as it will, naturally.
653619
Baby girl, there is nothing for you to do but heal and move on with your life. I know that it is easy to say and so hard to do. But it sounds to me that he is exploring other options or that he wants to and he does not want to keep you holding on. I hurt for you, I have been there before. At least you two can part on good terms if you allow for that to happen, don't push and don't be so available. Maybe this is the best thing for you, this may be a blessing in disguise. I know that it hurts and you are going to cry, you are going to miss him and at times you are going to feel that you cant go on without him. But you will, you can and you have to.  Being in love is a tricky thing, you can love just about anyone but it takes someone extremely special to fall in love with and it is extremely hard to stay in love. Just know that you WILL be OK with or without him.
410735
A lot of people will probably tell you to move on and that there are more fish in the sea. But I fell in love with the older friend of a cousin and for 3 years I loved him as much as I could in a "friend way" ( he knew the whole time how I felt about him and always told me that he only cared for me as a friend and that I should go look for someone who could love me the way I wanted and needed to be loved. I am very stubborn and wouldn't give up. About 3 years into our close friendship I decided to co on a date with another guy. When my friend realized that I might not always be there he did some serious thinking.. We've been together for 2  and a half years and married for 1. So my advice is that you really truly care about this guy then dint give up. But do play a little hard to get. Make him work for it a bit.
244420
You need to find a way to engage with him.  It's possible that he is just paniced.  (I don't know how long it's been since you told him), and if he was your friend for a long time and he slept with you, then I find it unlikely that he is just running away for no reason.  Write him a letter, Call him, walk up to him and say we need to talk. Do somthing, figure out for yourself if you want to be in a relationship with this guy, and if you do, then just lay your feelings out there, and let him find his way.  If he loves you then he will treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.  (I think that it is much more likely that he is just freaking out).  So give him a little paitence and understanding because you have nothing to lose.  But be prepared for him to say he doesn't want to be with you (this is for your sake).  And whatever happens sweetie, your a woman of real value, and there is sombody out there who will love and cherish you for who you are.  Don't settle for less.  (but give cut him a little slack being told your going to be a father with your friend and not your GF is big news).  Good luck sweetie, and I hope this helps.  By the way, don't pay attention to the a**hole who answered above me, he is just being a prick.
519073
Well I hope you don't let him fool you a third time.  My first love did this to me. Guys can be very tricky. He befriended me for a year before I decided to have sex with him. He was my best Friend.  After we had sex he dumped me.  Guys like the game especially as teenagers, so becareful.  I grieved the relationship for quite some time.  I got together with my girlfriends who let me cry. I concentrated on my work and having fun.  With time my heart healed and so will yours. Just be patient with yourself and don't keep in touch  with him. He is not a real friend.
139892
its a really tough situation. i have the same problem. If its been going on for  long time you need to meet up and put him on the spot, ask him if he loves you. he may say yes or he may say no but at least your clear on where you stand so you can get on with things. if he does say no don't do the friends thing. the ony way he'll realise he loves you is to see what his life would be like without you.
305195
This guy doesn't sound like he's taking your relationship seriously. He doesn't appear to take you feelings into consideration and wants a life which does not include you in it. He seems very selfish, and you should ask him outright - and don't let him give excuses! Tell him straight that you need to know where you stand with him, and you don't want to waste your time hanging around with someone who doesn't want you around! Take control - be strong & determined and tell him exactly where HE stands with you. Relationships are two-way things, and 'give and take' means from both partners, not one gives and the other takes. Be strong, and if you don't get satisfactory answers, then move on and find a guy who will appreciate you for yourself. You are worthy of better treatment than this guy seems capable of giving you. If you still want to be with him, hopefully he will come to realise what he is about to lose if you leave him. Don't give hime the satisfaction of dumping you first, though!! Good Luck!