Ive been dating this guy for 4 years and have been able to bear all the odds with him, it was once that he caught me at a dance with another person but i apologized and we continued our affair but after sometime i got a job out of the city when i returned his attitude towards me changed but i didnt really give attention to that. On Friday i travelled out of the country for 3days upon my return i heard he had married a girl from the USA. Where do i start from after wasting all these years and having driven all those that wanted to befriend me. Im so confused that i've not been to work for days. Who's going to love me again when im now in my mid 20 eventhough i dont have a child yet. Please rescue me with your advices.
137886
Who's going to take care of you when you lose your job? I know you are hurt but you have got to carry on. Every time a door closes another one opens. You may have been blind wasting your time with this guy. Mr right could be right there under your nose and you just did not notice him yet. You don't need a man to be happy. Surround yourself with your friends and family. You are young have fun. You'll probably go through a couple more frogs before you find the prince. lol Someone will love you and bless you with children all in good time. Relax and have fun for now. It will happen when you least expect it.
280094
Girl Friend this is a classic case of I loved you until we moved in together. You have to know that even though this feels shitty now, you will be so grateful in the end. It is better that you find out now, before you both decided to get married, and 2 mo later decided that you want a divorce. Girl you have to realize that he is not the one for you. I say wish him well and push on. There are so many men out there that will appreciate you for who you are, don't sell yourself short. Let him go back to home, he's probably a mommas boys anyway. Figure out how much money you contributed to the joint bank account, then take the money and run. I know that you feel time has been wasted on this person, but better the time be wasted and you learn, so when the next person that comes along, you will see the signs before hand. Think of it as life just starting for you. Just to let you know he probably never loved you , he just didn't know how to tell you, another sign of a bad relationship in the making, when you can't communicate you are looking for trouble. Good luck in your life's journey, God has someone for you. You just have to wait and see
237452
Not sure if im late here but here it goes.\n\nIt's ok to be confused because youre in the learning stages there are many things to experience like what the guy above me said.\n\nI've had 3 long term relationships at your age, and now 10 years later, when I see my ex's we laugh about all those crazy fights we had.\n\nJust take a deep breath and look out into the horizon, 10 years from now you'll just realize how funny this all was.\n\nOh course you love him, I loved all my ex's too and I;ve talked about marriage to all of them funny thing is, time makes breaking up less cloudy.\n\nAnd yes you are hanging onto him because of the memories and all the experiences you shared. But remember people don't grow when things are stagnant.\n\nYou're here for a reason, and its either to get validation for breaking up with him. Or understanding why you feel the way you do, so why do you feel the way you do??? \n\nI guess I missed your last post, but Im gonna assume its because youre not happy. Listen to the guy above me and go out there and live life!!!
313002
try to remember...did u both have commitments???....\nu both might not have a serious realtionship b4, coz i get an impression that he didnt care at all with ur feelings or he might not realise that u expected him to take the next step with you...\nfor me...its impossible if you have a serious relationship without having any contacts for such a long period !!! dosnt make my sense at all...im in a long distance realtionship now, and get suffer if get no contact even for hald of a day!!!! and he wont get taking any girls to get married so easy if he thought that he has you in his heart, i bet he'll feel that he would cheating on you even if he just went out with other girls for fun!!! he'll get guilty feeling..trust me! so..if he get married, i could say that he had a very serious relationship with this woman and ..sorry to say...i thought he never considered you as his serious one...\nits time for you to move on...he's not the only one...goodluck!!:)
650091
I am in your shoes as i type, I am married to a island man, and it was love at first sight, but I will be honest with you, you are going to miss your family like hell! I have no family where I am residing now, but once love is in the air that's all the matters.  I am very family orientated myself, my husband is not!  If you can get him to move where you are at good for you, but if not you just have to follow your heart like i did! Take care! IF YOU WANT TO TALK YOU CAN EMAIL ME SPORTINTAHOE07@YAHOO.COM
356323
sorry cant say anything you don't know our fill. my self been twice married to the same women and same thing happened again. you want to put all your faith into someone and they don't have the same feelings.  15 years for me in a relationship that i thought we had gotten past moving on, oops wrong but i do think that its all in a plan so brother or sister keep the ultimate faith that its all for a reason. i will say a pray for you and for anyone that feels that they have no one because he is watching over us at all\ntimes and testing us.  so if you stop having the faith nothing good can became of the lost faith of others. don't know if this is of any help but know u are not alone. keep the faith and stay focused on your life and not of someone that has no faith in the powers up above.  your path is not easy but don't make it harder than it needs to B. sounds like you have a kind and loving heart don't lose it. \n\nbless u and all for the prayers that we al need\n\ngood luck\ng
22211
from what you say you only danced with him a few times and he got your name and number and you did not give it to him. and now he comes to your house you did not say wether or not you gave him your address or if he found that to. and now he wants to marry you. Well let me tell you he is a physco. i bet you realised that already. i went to pay my electric bill i called on the phone and started talking to the man that was on the other end. we ended up starting to talk outside of his company. he lived in another state. one day he got on a plane came to my home and said he wanted to get married. i did not no what to say because i thought stalker. within two days a call came in and it was from his daughter that did not no where he went to and did not no who i was. the story finally ends when i found out he has been wanted for 10 years and in 3 different states and i worked closely with them to capture him. now he is in prison. what i am saying to you is you do not no him. why all of a sudden do you think he would become that attatched to you. you need not to worry about his feelings because you need to worry about yourself. you do not no what he really has in store for you. and i would make it clear that he is not to cantact you again and that is it. you do not need to explain anything to him. this is not your problem it is his. if he does call you again then take the steps that you told him you would. be firm and good luck
580614
I'm sorry things didn't end well for you, but you mustn't make assumptions on what happened. Not all of us are heartless like that. I know I'm not. I was in love, actually am in love, with this guy who had left for the Army. Well I waited for him and never did I stray my eyes elsewhere. When he came back, I knew he might get deployed for a year or more at any time, but never one did I ever think of just forgetting about him. I would've waited for him as long as necessary. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for us, but it wasn't because of that, there were other issues. My point is, don't despair, just because one relationship went sour. I'm sure someday you'll find that girl who will wait for you as long as necessary because she truly loves you. :)
205402
HI i am new to this site and found your question. I was in the same situation. I was 27 and my "friend" was 47. I too was married. He was also the same. I got enough courage and left my husband. It was a very trying time. I knew that I didn't want to be around my husband anymore.But I was very unsure of my possiable future with my friend. Eventually after a period of 2 years he finally left his wife. You can make anything work if you want it bad enough. if you love this man, try it.. see where it leads to. I am still with my friend,hopefully maybe marriage someday. You have to be patient! and very understanding. He can only leave his situation when he is sure that he is ready.I wish you nothing but a life of happiness .. because in reality that is what everyone is seeking.And as far as someone writing in that you are sick and need help, makes me sick. To the person that wrote that must be a very cold hearted lonely person that knows nothing of love, because he is uncapable of loving anyone.Keep your head up girl.And let me know how this turns out.
338219
yea, ok, stay with him, maybe, just maybe, one of these days in a fairy tale land far away he will finally wake up and come around.\n\nlast thing i remember about love was that you cared for a person and didn't let them down.\n\nif you are content with being in a relationship with a guy who cares more about his money than you and your KIDS, then so be it, i don't know what to say except hang in there i guess, eventually he should come around
592633
Firstly must say you seem like a very special man. Secondary I shall say that it is time that you concentrate on yourself a bit more (to be able to move forward)\n\nBe respectful, always reliable, helpful, be understanding, be her shoulder to cry on (life is funny.. but wheel turns). But at the same time give her space at this time as you don’t want to loose her.\n\nI had a friend who his wife left him for another man. They have two kids together. He was always there for her (but had other girlfriend but did not commit 100%: in fact I was one J ). If she was sick, or needed something, or pick their kids up: he was always there, kept nice contact with ex-in laws because of the kids.. She went back to him when she was in trouble. He let her. He let her leave him again for yet another man (even married) He was her friend, warned her about the guy who ended up to be an abuser. She left this guy in the end, she matured, and they now together (but he did not remarry), He is now 48, his wife 8 year younger. He married he as she was only 19.\n\n*******************************\nJust remember:\n*******************************\n\nForming a relationship with your ex is entirely separate from the process of ending a marriage; if you work through the process to achieve your "emotional divorce," you can cultivate something entirely new. Your old relationship is over; take the steps to heal so that you can invest your energy elsewhere.\n\nGood luck.\n\nps meant to say: and you get a new hobby and have fun with other people as soon you will feel better and might make new friends and will not feel lonely. The reason why we LOVe or MISS people is beuase we miss that comunication. Once you communicate with others it will be better for you. And who knows, maybe your ex -wife seeing how popular and outgoing you are might ant to herself be your friend asap.........  show her your new side that she did not see before :-)
325102
I dont know how I can top the laster person to post an answer, it was pretty good and she was right on her game. \n But I do want to add a few things that I know for a fact. Firstly that you will never fully forget this guy and that is a good thing. I have been married for nine years now and the woman I was with before I met my wife is still in my thoughts. No I dont want to be with her, but I do want to remember the pain she caused me. It has made me stronger and more gentle all at once. I now see the mistakes I made with her and I make sure that I dont make the same ones with my wife. As far as him hooking up with some ugly gal, get use to that. When guys loose something good even if it was their own reasons for leaving, they have a tendancy of grabing the next closses thing at hand. She just happened to be the unlucky girl, she will soon be dumped and tossed aside. That I can promise. Been there done that. \n As far as you not feeling like you are a good looking ladie. Well I would have to say listen to the crowed on this one. Do you think every one around you would lie. Dont get to proud however as pride does come before distruction. But do be glad that you are who you are and never ever let the sad things in life throw you off your game. Be glad of them and use them to your advantidge. Tuffin up and thank God that you still have plenty of time to meet someone new.
268808
sounds like a great guy. if you feel like you definatly want more then that give it a shot. i have been in your situation to the  point my parents even call him their surragate son and i'll tell you what he confessed how much he loved me after it was too late. now after marrying others and kids we will never be able to go back to that first innocent love we once had for each other.
306371
You still need to wait.  4 months is not long enough for you to have decided this is going to be a permanent relationship.\n\nChildren to not need to be allowed to get attached to new partners only to have to deal with the heartbreak when that person is not there anymore.  If you think a break up is hard on an adult, imagine what it is like for a young child.\n\nI recommend you start by introducing them in a large group environment.  Get a group of friends with kids together to go to the park or to McDonalds.  Keep the interaction between your child and new man limited to those casual group encounters.  Do not let her formulate any attachment to him as more than one of your friends.\n\nMaybe closer to a year, of things are still going well and you think this is going to be a permanent thing, you can start doing things with just your daughter and your boyfriend, but again, be very careful.\n\nI do not know how long your relationships normally last.  For me it is not abnormal to date someone for 3 or 4 years and then have it not work out.  So for me, 4 months is nothing.  But I am not sure at what point you would consider marriage.  If you are one of those people who would be looking at marriage after only a year of dating, you can adjust your timeline accordingly.\n\nI just wish I could explain to you how horrible it is when a relationship is over and your child asks, "mama, where’s so-and-so?"  "When is he coming back?"  "Why did he leave?"  My ex and I had been together essentially since my son was born, then after two and a half years, thing got ugly and we ended it.  Do this day it brings tears to my eyes when my son asks where my ex is and when he's coming home. (tearing up now).  \n\nSo just remember that if you are going to be together forever, there is plenty of time for him to meet your daughter and get to know her.  Just make sure he's going to be around that long first.
285007
I was in a similar situation and being abroad and bored can cause you too think about things that should not be spoken. I got to know the area I was in a little better and did some traveling into other countries. I got involved in my community although I was an outsider and I read more books than anyone person should be allowed. I made friends of the opposite sex and they knew up front I was involved in a relationship. They had some negative things to say but I did not let it bother me. If you love him, hang in there but.....If there is only one fraction of a doubt in your mind, move on and don't let this hold you back from what your potential might be.
666429
OK, "marry her if you truly love her"??  What the fuck is that?  That's not an answer?  The girl obviously doesn't want to be with him anymore, so how is he supposed to marry someone who isn't with him anymore?  Jees, some people's kids, I swear!\n\nMy advice is to throw in the towel.  If you read one of my questions, it's not the same...but it's the same concept!  You are in love with her and she has given up on your love, correct?  I.E.-the coming and getting of all of her things brings the closure to the relationship-she has given up on the relationship.  I know it will be super hard...I've been there...it was even harder coz my kids were involved.  There will be a lot of decisions in your life that you WON'T want to make...but you realize that you have to!  Like this one...she's not coming back.  It's possible...in the future, when she realizes how stupid she was being...but as of right now and probably the next few months at least...she's moved on...you should try to, as well.  If you need to talk to someone about this, contact me!  I will try to help you through this...I've been through TWO extremely hard break-ups.  good luck!
343513
Ugh...what a mess. Look, no one is perfect and there are a ton of people on here who will tell you what a bad person you are because of this scenario. First and foremost, please remember no one has the right to judge you. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone hurts people...nobody is above this. Please don't listen to all the horrible words posted here. It doesn't make you a "bad" person...but you are troubled and confused and this situation is only going to lead to so much hurt and pain for so many people, especially the kids. I hate to say this, but most likely he will stay with his wife. I know you love him and can't imagine a life without him, but you have to right now. You're both obviously in marriages that aren't working. This is where you need to focus your efforts right now. If you're so in love with him wouldn't you want him fully devoted to you? I thought so. And if he truly loves you, then he'll want to be with YOU and only you. For your own health, well-being and safety, stay away from this right now. If there's any hope for the two of you, it will be later on when all the issues have been dealt with and all the pain has healed. I wish you all the best.