I finally did it.  My husband used up all our money; had a terrible substance abuse problem - went to rehab - came back and began again after 1.5 months.  He has not helped with bills - basically he made more bills for us. \n\nWhen I went to the lawyer today, she said she would file the papers on friday and have him served next week.\n\nI just feel scared about being out on my own with my 3 kids.  Did or does anyone else have or had the same feeling?\nI know we are better off without him and his abuse.
126768
Change is scary. Even a bad relationship sometimes feels comfortable because you at least know what to expect. But you made the right choice. You must think of your children first. You will be surprised how liberated and confident you will become doing things without a destructive influence by your side.\n\nI'm proud of you for having the courage and doing the right thing! Stay strong.
650518
Oh,Honey do I know how u feel!I am going through the same thing as I write.In fact I go to court this Thursday.Let me tell ya,it's very,very hard to deal with.Whether u did something wrong or not doesn't make it any easier.I'd like to tell u about my situation and how I deal with it,but this site does not allow enough space.If you want to talk more about it e-mail me @ kalasmom3@yahoo.com Or IM me @ either yahoo messenger or AIM.I'd love to try to help.Maybe we can help each other.Also,since I have almost 18 months in one child's being gone and 7 years in the other maybe I can offer some advice on how to fight to get them back.oh,my screen name on AIM is turntheclkbac.
426974
Do I no how you feel!! Welcome to the Black sheep of the family club :0)\n\nMove out of the house. You are the strong hold of the family. This is how I rationalized my situation. Now that I have been out for quite a while I get phone calls for help from my family. What should I do, or this is what mom is doing how can I....\nAs far as not being able to release the same way they do to you what I did is find others outside of the family....Parents are supposed to be there for there kids but in todays world this is not always the case.\nGood luck it will not be long before you are out on your own...
591122
Seek advice from professionals, please! Try getting some advice from your local police or indeed, an attorney. Could there be a woman's refuge near you?\nNO-ONE should have to be abused because of someone else's problems. Your husband has problems, sorry for your dilemma.\n(if you did manage to leave, he should be required BY LAW to pay towards the children)\n\nBest of luck
378144
i feel your pain brother, and yes it is true. my ex did the same s--t to me. i have3 kids. pay more than that per week and also provide medical,dental,and eye care.\nthe real kick in the ass will be when her NEW boyfriend(unemployed also of course) moves in and you end up supporting his ass too.\nkeep your cool and remember that the children come first.\nGOOD LUCK
573151
I filed for divorce.  My attorney told me that it would make a better case in my favor (as a female) if I did so since my Ex was dragging his feet.  It did work out for me.  The judge granted me  sole custody of our child ( we were going for joint custody) and my ex was told to pay my attorney fees.
61695
This sounds like a terrible story, but is there a question in it somewhere?\n\nEDIT: Okay, let's try to figure out what the question is.  Are you trying to figure out how you can get your daughter back from your ex-husband?  If that's it, you really ought to talk to a lawyer...maybe you can find a decent one through the Bar Association that will do some pro bono work.  If you just aren't interested in working with lawyers, and you really want to involve this group in something as personal as this, you're going to have to post more details...and more *relevant* details (stick to the facts, ma'am).\n\nIf you want better answers, ask better questions and include more of the important details.  Things people might want to know are these:\n\nAre there any court orders right now?\n\nWhat state do you live in?\n\nWhy did your ex take your child, or at least why do you think he did or what did he tell you?\n\nHave there been any allegations of improper parenting on either side?  Any mental health issues on either side?  Drug use?  \n\nIf I'm guessing correctly at what you want to know, I just don't think you're going to be able to get the answers you need in this forum.
222099
Robyn,\n\nI'm sorry for your situation and I'm sure all of this is taking a heavy toll on you, physically and mentally. It's often very difficult to find acceptable reason in these cases wherein we can find some justification for what we know we need to do. I've experienced that myself so I can appreciate that you continue to feel the love you do for him and grasp for hope in saving your marriage.\n\nHowever, as difficult as this may be to accept, my suggestion is that your first priority needs to be to yourself and the children. The fact that you feel the choice was his to make regarding the direct deposit of funds to your account, it also remains a fact that you're entitled to his continued contribution to the support of the family. Regardless of the fact that he's not sure he wants to return to the relationship, morally and legally he has obligations to uphold. \n\nSo, my opinion is, that you should insist on this support from him while agreeing to his need for space in order to evaluate his feelings about the marriage. This will accomplish a number of things actually. First, it will relieve some stress of the situation in that you will have financial help during this process. Secondly, by agreeing to his wishes to not return and have the space he needs right now you are going the distance in attempting to reconcile. Third, its just possible that having to bear the additional burdens of financial support while also now having to provide his own domicile, could just send the wake up message that will help him realize the consequences of his actions before its too late.\n\nI wish you the best of luck!
529785
i live with a recovering drug addict and alcoholic..its not heavy drugs but over the 10 years of using they have made him very paranoid and very angry. i love him and respect him for getting help and am very proud of what he has achieved so far but its been very very hard. the first month was horrible the anger inside him boiled over..my feelings however have been pushed aside... i feel very low as all my energy goes in to keeping him happy so he dont go back..i work and am a mother also so i look after him and our daughter...it does take over but there is light at the other end.he doesnt stress outso much and is more loving..the pain at the moment is going away....i hope you stick with him..why not get your self out a bit go do an evening course i do floristry its very relaxing for me and im acheiving some thing...
612764
At first yes, I did feel helpless.  I mean I am a single mom and its hard enough making ends meet.  But you learn to make adjustments in other financial aspects to accommodate the rising gas prices. I totally understand where you are coming from, but we have to deal with it right? I guess we don't have to-but what else are we going to do? Just like you said, would we rather be able to provide for our families and end up getting bitten in the but because of the financial struggle or get fired or quit and live off of the state for the rest of our lives? I guess for me, I am way to proud to have to live off of the state the rest of my life, therefore I deal with the rising prices in EVERYTHING.  I hope all works well for you!
452919
It's bad when you find out that your being watched, or taped at your own home. I was being watched by a P.I. that was hired by an Ins. company to try and prove that I was faking my injury. I had NO Clue it was being done till we got into court. LOL the funny thing is is that there was nothing on there. The Lawyer presented this tape and I was like dammnnn...but then we watched it and there was nothing on there to prove their case. I wish I would have known he was out there, I could have set them up. My Lawyer told me the next time I saw them outside my house watching me I should invite him in for coffee.If your not doing anything wrong, don't let them bring you down. Let them do all the background checks they want, if there isn't anything there then you shouldn't worry about it. Consult a Lawyer! And Talk to your Husband! This can make you a very paranoid person, but that seems to be the goal here. To see how far they can push you...Is it worth it?
661022
She hasn't grown up yet, and you have.   If you can handle her, then stick to your plan, save your money and get out of there.  \n\nShe isn't going to change.  She will always want her husband to put her and her family first.  You are getting in the way of that just by being around.   \n\nDon't stop helping and paying for your part of things, this will help you to be able to walk away later not feeling like you owe her anything.   \n\nIf you can, plan to be out of the house or sleeping as much as possible when she is going to be home.  \n\nI hope that this helps.  I understand how hard it can be.  Best of luck.
396719
I know someone that went through the same thing.  She has (4) children and stays home. She started her own home based business.  That keeps her busy, makes excellent money and has time for her and her family.  Have a look at this website.  www.opportunity4more.com.  The couple in the picture is the lady I am speaking about.  She would be great for you to contact and speak with.  She told me that she is much better now with staying home since she started her own home based business.  She  contributes ( a lot)  to the house hold income, feels good about what she is doing, has time for her kids and she also had time to do some personal development.  She has gone through welath creation and personal development courses that she highly recommends to someone like yourself.  Let me tell you she has helped me with my business and my lifestyle.  Take a look and see.
623658
Yes - I agree.  Get a lawyer and appeal.  My husband worked for 30 yrs. or so and finally had to quit because of bipolar and his meds.  He applied twice, was turned down both times.  We finally found a reasonable attorney and just last month, my husband received his first check for 1,100.00.  Just don't give up - keep trying, okay?
310986
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
675083
NO.  Not at all.  I wish I'd had that option.  My girls were about the same age when my ex and I split.  I'd been a stay at home mom and the tech industry had few jobs so I wasn't marketable in my old field.  I wanted to go back to school and finish my degree - something hard to do with little babies.\n\nBut my ex was an ass and his 2nd wife would have forced him to sue me for custody and I might not have gotten them back.  Too bad we couldn't have cooperated.  He can now say he wishes he'd been more agreeable and helped me out that way.\n\nNO you are not a bad mom because right now you are falling apart from the stress of a toddler, a new baby, new mom hormones and a pending divorce.  Wanting to pull yourself together so you CAN be the kind of mom you want to be is a very courageous thing to do and is NOT wrong for your kids.\n\nIt sounds like you would benefit from a therapist.  If you have medical insurance, it should be fairly cheap.  If not, there usually are organizations that can provide licensed therapists on a sliding scale.  I know that Jewish Family services does this and you can see someone as cheap as $5 a session depending on your income.  (it isn't religious based counseling..its the same stuff you'd get anywhere, therapists are truly licensed and you don't have to be Jewish).\n\nFamily Services that aren't run by religious organizations are also out there.\n\nPerhaps you two can work out a 50/50 agreement.  One week with you, one week with him.   If you did this, would he have somone for daycare so he can work?   \n\nQuite frankly you don't sound selfish but you sound both overwhelmed (2 little ones is hard) AND maybe depressed.  Do find a therapist.\n\nYou might also consider sharing a house with another mom, maybe with slightly older kids and sharing the responsibilities.\n\nAsk him to take them for 2 weeks for now (don't make any permanent arrangements just yet).  You do need a rest.  A 2 month old and a 2 year old just doesn't amount to a lot of rest and again, you sound depressed.\n\nIf he isn't cooperative is there another family member that can help?  Or maybe someone who can give you a little cash so you can hire a teenager to come keep the kids busy and maybe help with the house for a few hours every afternoon.  Young teens are often very happy to get such a job but expect to pay around $5 an hour.\n\nAre you part of a church?  There may be a woman's group who will spell you the same as a sitter.\n\nAsk a neighbor.  A lot of moms have been in your spot and may be happy to help.\n\nAnother trick that helped me was to go to the gym.  That helped because it meant that for 2 hours every morning, someone ELSE watched my kids, I got to talk to some adults, get a good workout and know I'd have a shower and my teeth brushed by 11am (which, as you know, is nearly impossible in your current situation).\n\nIt does sound like your ex is not giving you a bad time so DO ask for the help and DO find a therapist.  IF you are depressed (and the hormones caused by a new baby and the stress of a divorce are killer) you need help or this may get worse.\n\nDon't let your family and friends talk you out of something you need.  Tell them if they want to help, they'd be at your house helping DO stuff, not just telling you what they THINK you are doing wrong.   You have said they have a great dad.  I don't think moms are superior to dads and kids need both.  Time with dad won't hurt them, it will help them and him.  \n\nYou aren't abandoning them, you are just wanting a bit of time to pull yourself together.  That's a good thing and a mature thought.  Quite frankly if you get more depressed you could be dangerous so head your instinct to get help.\n\nYoung kids do great with ANY loving caretaker even one who isn't family.  It is older children that need the guidance of a parent.  All this effort people put into staying home with babies.  It
495683
Oh Kirk - you need to get out of there as soon as you can.  You deserve better.  There is help and support out there. No one has the right to treat you like that.  Are there any agencies you could contact ? And please contact your mom or another close relative or someone you feel you can trust.  I guess you much feel totally alone and scared and adults have not exactly been a source of trust for you.  Believe me you need to get out.  I wish I could help  I truly do.  I am in Scotland.  I am not surprised that you feel so bad about your life.  IT IS NOT your fault please believe that.  Contact someone and get yourself to safety.