I've always been inlove with my ex but I'm married. Recently I had an affair with him he told me he had left his wife and I believe him he even presented me his brothers & sisters he begged me to leave my husband and he told me that he would take care of me and my 2 little girls I believe him but I was  afraid to get a divorce because I was afraid my parents wouldn't agree with me. During the time I was with him he called me every day and he never asked me to sleep with him but after a month passed he sudenly started to grow appart from me and one day I found out that he went back with his girl. I cried so much because I really love him even if I'm married I can't no longer sleep with my husband without feeling guilty. My ex told me that I was the love of his life but I don't know why he left me then?\ndo you think he was using me or did he really felt something for me? What should I do about my marriage we fight alot and he found out I cheated he forgive me I can't have sex with my hu
138154
Yes, sorry to say he misled you and used you. That was a scummy thing for him to do. Don't worry about your ex anymore, he knew how sensitive you are or were, so he played you for a puppet. As far as you marriage goes, if hubby forgives you, then you have to forgive yourself. The healing process begins with your inner self, then you can start working on your relationship. Sure you feel guilty having to bed in bed and knowing your husband wants you, but your not only punishing yourself, but punishing him. Take your time, let him know that you do love him, yes your love for your hubby will return, as soon as you stop thinking about your ex. Get mad about being happy with your ex, and turn that love and energy into your marriage, you may be surprised with the results. Best wishes.
308809
Ok, When my oldest daughter was two my wife and I separated because she was having an internet affair. after a couple of months separation I decided that I still loved her.  that was six years ago.  About six months ago I made a mistake and wandered from my relationship and had a Psychological affair with a coworker.  we never had sex or anything. But my loveing wife is trying to work through this.  she loves me I know she does and I Hope that we can work through this and be stronger than we were before.  But just remember that just because he wandered doesnt mean that he dont love you anymore, because if that were the case he would have split it off with you when he got caught.  Hang in there and he will show you that he is being true to you by his actions.\n\ngod bless.\n\nC.H.
350994
Could be he's insecure since you loved someone else so much  that you married him, and maybe he's worried that you'll always have some lingering feelings for the ex...  especially if your ex lives in town, or if you have children (if you get serious, at some point he will have to "deal" with your ex...)    Or if the guy is looking for the "righteous" type, it may bother him that you made vows once to somebody else, and for whatever reason, those vows are no longer being honored.   Every guy I've seriously dated since my divorce has at some point been insecure about my ex, who is my son's father and lives in town. Those are just some possible reasons.  Good luck to you and remember you can't depend on anyone else to make you happy!
568560
This happened to my husband and I also.  Exactly, almost word for word.  Look.  She wants to know where you are and what you are doing because she loves you sooo much... more than anything in the world...  she can't bear to be without you and so when you are not around her the devil starts making her insecure and making her think there could be things going on.  AND that doesn't neccissarily mean cheating.  He could be telling her that she's not good enough for you, or that you could do better, or that you want out, or that you can't stand being with her.  So many different possibilities.  As far as her thinking that you are mad at her all of the time.  The SAME thing happened at the SAME time with us when we first got married.  I was always crying and always scared that he was mad at me for something...  Even though he wasn't.  He started getting really freaked out and the same thing happened to him.  He lost his sex drive because of it.  Which on my end made it worse because I thought that he didn't love me anymore because woman use sex with her husband that she loves with all of her heart as a way to feel close to him and for her to get the feelings of love from him.  The threats are normal!  No matter what ANYBODY says... they are all normal... Divorce, this, that... NORMAL!!  I don't think that you should divorce her.  We had a lot of struggles with the same thing .. EXACT same thing.  and we have been married HAPPILY married for 2 years now.  DON'T DIVORCE HER!  Especially if you love her.  As far as counceling goes... I didn't want to go either.  It's just a hit to my pride to know that I have to get counceling from somebody else about something that is supposed to be mine to control and make all better.  If you or her wants to talk to me or my hubby email us... it's hurleybabeprincess20@yahoo.com... seriously... \n\nDon't listen to these other idiots.... I would love to talk with her... \nNO marriage is perfect.  And you always have to take time and extra effort to make things work.  Make sure that you go to church regularly... and make sure that the church that you go to is a good church.  You can ask your wife if you can talk to the pastor on your own time about it personally... you will know by what the pastor tells you... if he is called to the ministry.  There will NEVER be a divorce option if he is.  The Bible is specific on the reasons for divorce.  You don't have any of them.  \n\n\nYOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD READ... THE POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND AND GET YOUR WIFE THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE... BOTH BY STORMIE OMARTIAN\n\n\nbtw... where are you 2 located?
42331
i had the same problem when i just got married with my husband.  i'm a jealous type too and very insecure with everything.  and he cheated on me not only once but twice.  i know its crazy to forgive him after cheating twice but forgiving him wasnt a mistake.  i tried to snooped on his stuff to find something that he might be hiding from me.  i was so insecure with his friends because it seemed like he was having more fun with them than his own wife.  we almost filed a divorce but i didnt want to lose him eventhough he cheated on me and he was neglecting me. i believed that i married this guy and i am willing to live with him forever.  we went to counseling and it was good.  it opened his eyes.  but i thought it was all his fault.  the counselor did pretty good explaining that i did some mistakes too.  i was so focus on my jealousy and forgot about our marriage.  after that i seen his effort to change and he really did.  he regrets everything. and now we already 5 years marriage and proud to say we're getting strong.\n\ni am sharing u this because i think what i've been through is the same as what your situation right now.  dont let her leave u.  if there is still a way to stay together then do it.  honestly, even i see my husband changed a lot - his past still hauting me sometimes.  its not easy to forget.  u have to go counseling or get somebody to help u out.  u have to talk to her.  communication is the best key to a happy marriage.  i know she cheated on u but give her a chance.  there's nothing wrong if give it a try for the second time.  if u guys talk - listen to her and let her listen to u.  this is what i've learned from the counseling...when u guys talking, dont use YOU.  like u did that, u did this.  thats blaming.  use I.  be calm and if she says something will hurt u.  dont be mad - listen to her.  only both of u can resolve your problem.  i believe that marriage is not always about sex, being happy and successful.  having ups and downs are very normal. show her u love and u care for her.  maybe u are doing what i did - focusing on my jealousy and not your marriage.   \nbefore its too late, go seek some help..good luck!!!
605200
OK let's think about this... a man you were with for six years left you because you were in school trying to educate yourself and have a better future. Instead of supporting you while you were in school he chose to forget all about the six years you were together and get with someone who got him off more often. You mentioned before that you are a Christian so I am assuming you know what the Bible says about adultery and sinful lust so we won't get into that. But I think you're a smart girl so just ask yourself... do you really want to settle down with someone who compares his women to illegal drugs? Women are queens and should ALWAYS be treated as such. You need a King beside you... not someone like the man you described. If he is not willing to stay by you through school how would he handle you having a job, or children, or other things that require your attention. This guy does not even seem worth a second thought. Don't sell yourself short. And I know it sounds cliche but if he did it before, he'll do it again. He didn't make a mistake... he knew what he was doing and he thinks he can just keep you dangling but you're worth so much more than any lie he could ever tell you. It's good to forgive but you don't need someone like that holding you back.
354312
Your question brought tears to my eyes.  Your life sounds like mine when I was 20.  My so called boyfriend and I are 5 years apart also and we have a child together.  Your fiance sounds just like mine years ago. The life you are living is a hard one, I can feel your pain.   I left my boyfriend several times because of his controlling crazy ways. My friends werent good enough, he didnt like me to go out, he was jealous of anything and everything.  And he accused me of sleeping with anybody and everybody (male, female, dog, cat, if I looked at it I was sleeping with it).  He couldnt hold down a job either.  He was a good father also.  Remember men like this make good fathers because they are CONTROLLING. I used to think is this all there is for me like you do but trust me its not.  You can take your child and raise it by yourself.  I raised 2 kids at your age by myself.  Trust me this man is only going to drag you down.  Here I am years 15 years later and I am STILL going back and forth with the same man.  Only difference is now he has changed he is no longer that controlling jerk he used to be.  But it took 15 years to get here. And that is only because he matured in some areas but in other areas he is still a jerk.  We dont live together so why am I holding on? I am working on myself now to figure that out.  My question to you is.  Do you want to wait 15 years like me for this man to finally treat you with the respect you deserve? I can see your like me, you need to save yourself from yourself.  I thought I was in love, funny thing is I still do, but I also know what is best for me.  Men like this never change.  Mine changed his controlling ways but only because he had no choice.  I have figured out through the years that guys like this are always going to find a way to hurt you.  The hurt never stops.  Don't say you made your bed so you should lie in it.  No one deserves the kind of treatment you receive.  I really think you will be able to make a good life for you and you child.  I did.  I am successful and have 2 great kids.  Funny thing is now "jerk" wants to settle down.  But the past is some thing you never forget.  Especially when he is still doing little stupid things that hurt me.  Like I said the hurt never stops.  I would love to give you strength and advice to help you through this because I can sense there is probally more to your story just like their is more to mine.  Dont think you are being selfish.  That was my problem years ago.  I put everyones happiness before my own.  Only sacrifice you need to make is for your child, remember that.  Your child needs to be raised in a loving argue free environment.  It is going to be hard.  Beause this guy has ahold of your mind, more than a hold on your heart.
624138
I am married and pregnant with another man's baby.  I was separated from my husband for 5 months before I got pregnant with my boyfriends baby.  My ex (soon to be ex-husband) still wants me sometimes too.  He said that if he got the chance to have his family back, he would in a heartbeat, even if he had to help raise another man's baby.  BUT......I don't feel right about that.  I should have never married my hubby because I didn't love him enough, and we were pressured because we already had one little girl together a year before we got married, so we went a head and did it.  Now, I have two little girls, already, and one more little girl on the way.  Yeah, i messed up, maybe if i would've given it a little more time after the separation, me and the ex could've worked things out, but I wanted to move on with my life with this other man.  But, anyways, the point is,,,,,,,, i am currently in this situation, and I choose to not go back to my ex husband because I have ruined everything that we could have had together.  I am still in love with my new baby's daddy, but he couldn't handle the situation, either, so we broke up.  So, make the decision that's right for you.  You are the only one that knows your whole situation. Good luck!     Praying a lot helps too!
642982
I am now divorced to my hubby of 3 1/2 years. (We were together 7 years total). He was cheating on me with my cousin. We have been divorced for over a year now, and at least once a day I think of him. A song on the radio will remind me of him, I will pass a chopper and want to call him to tell him about it (we were bikers), or even something funny will happen and I think, "OMG, my ex would get a kick out of this".\n\nSince the divorce I moved out on my own . I am single because I am still not healed from the hurt he and my cousin caused (they are getting married next month supposedly).  He was my first love, and my best friend. He understood me like no one else- I would not even have to say a word and he would know my thoughts- I miss that. It intriques me that he knew me so well and I have yet to find someone like that- He made me laugh, he was spontaneous and made life exciting. I was pretty anal about things and he took that tendency right out of me.\n\nIf I had the chance I would let him say he missed me- I would let him say he made the mistake (hear say thru friends he has said this to them) and then, I would have some closure and I would know he made the mistakes, not me-
642038
I didn't even finish reading your note, but from experience I would recommend ditching him... you deserve someone who can make up his mind and can love you 100%!! I had a fellow like that and I think he kept me around as security, so he wasn't alone and felt loved... don't be his love of last resort! Be strong and move on...
497889
As soon as you get some self respect you'll realize he isn't worth putting yourself through all this!  You said he repeatedly hurt you (that is NOT love) doesn't care anything about your or your kids (that is NOT love).  Why bother with him?  You can go find a good man and move on.  He'll keep using you as long as you let him.  You've already given him 13 years of your life.  Thats 13 years you'll never get back--from a man you said yourself doesn't love you.  Or your kids.  They should be a high enough priority in your life that you stay away from him.  Is he the kind of male role model you want them to see?  Is this unhealthy, hurtful relationship how you want to teach them to live their lives?  They'll end up unhappy, too.  Move on for everyone's sake.  Good luck!
462374
after all you and your family has done for him and he does this sounds like there is no respect for himself or for his family. He is a adult and he knew the consquences before he took his actions and now he must deal with them. There is no such thing as accidently sleeping or being with someone else while you are married. With him abusing you and then cheating on you and you already having one child and one on the way all you can do is make a grown decision and ask yourself do you want to raise your children to see this? I was in a relationship many years ago just like that and really loved my ex husband however 5 years of the physical abuse and the drinking and cheating was enough I finally got out. It does hurt but you have to be strong if he did it once and you take him back ask yourself will you ever be able to let it go and forget it? Will the relationship be the same? will he do it again? will you have to live your life constantly asking yourself is he out there cheating again? Do you want to deal with that? I know it hurts but why put yourself through it again? You may never get over him I know i have been married to my husband now for 13 years and still once in a while think of my ex husband but am very happy with who i got and where i am in life. So only you can make your decisions and have to live with them and only we online can give opinions so from experience my opinion would be you have been seperated for a while and i would suggest stay away and get a divorce I would not want to raise children thinking it was ok to cheat on someone you love or raise your daughter to be tolerant of someone treating her like that so plain and simple ask yourself this if it was your daughter and she was going through this kind of suituation what would you want her to do?? Good Luck and God Bless
577912
you just answered my question "what is husband greatest wish from his wife" thats a good answer...really sorry for u...my hubby will be coming back from Arab 2morrow...after one month working there, one thing for sure, your ex does not appreciate you at all! I miss my hubby so much...even after 3 kids, our love is getting stronger by the day...so I'm very sure you will find someone who deserves your love...u seemed to be a good man, just be true to yourself, don't do the same like your ex..to your new partner!
100047
Even if it wasn't physical it sounds like it was emotional and that is still an affair.  He gave his feelings and heart to another woman, just not his body or so he says.  He has no right to think that forgiveness should be easy or that he should be forgiven at all.  You need to decide what is best for you and what you want in the future.  If you feel that you can't truly love him or trust him ever again then you need to end this relationship and find a man who will love you and only you.  Personally I think if he really loved you he would realize that there is no way forgiveness could be an easy thing or think he actually deserved it.
602176
Believe it or not, this just happened to me last night.  My boyfriend was married for 11 years and they split up 9 months ago.  We have been going out for the last two months.  Last night, after about two beers, he looked me right in the eyes and said "I love you so much Ch*&^%)(*%$#."  I couldn't believe it.  He kept telling me he was so sorry and I know he felt terrible, but It is eating at me today too.  I know it was an accident and he didn't mean it, so I have decided to just force myself to stop thinking about it.  I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want to go back to her.  He is very loving and attentive in so many ways, so my advice to both of us is to stop being so sensitive and admit that our boyfriends are human.  They make mistakes, I wouldn't want him to crucify me if I were in his shoes.\n\nGood Luck.
349422
Unless you had some interest in the Ex, why did you talk with him a couple times?  Obviously, you felt you were doing wrong, because you hid it.  Now, AFTER you get caught, you whine about how much you love your husband, and how you want things to work out.  so touching.  Odd that you weren't all that concerned about NOT doing something your husband would consider being unfaithful, when you expected to not be found out, but AFTER getting caught, you are sooo worried about your marriage.  Just a guess- Did your husband have a problem with this guy before?  Did he specifically ask you not to have anything to do with him?  Did you promise hubby you wouldn't have anything to do with that ex?  Lady, you may find that some things just can't be fixed, and saying "sorry" AFTER getting caught, means very little.
55841
Considering you aided in the breakup of her home, you should stay as far away as possible.  I suspect you either have feelings of guilt or you are afraid that your husband will do to you what he did to his first wife or you think he will realize the error of his ways and go back to the ex wife and YOU SHOULD!\n\nI can only assume there were problems in the husband's first marriage which caused him to seek consolation outside the marriage so you are not totally to blame for the distruction of their marriage, but you provided him with the means and the opportunity.  Now that you are in the wife's position I think you may see things a little more clearly.\n\nSomewhere within yourself you are questioning whether or not you can trust your husband.  You are questioning whether it is a pattern for him to seek outside the marriage at the first sign of trouble.  I also think you know your husband and his ex has unfinished business.  The problem that caused their marriage to breakdown was never discovered or brought to the surface and the possibility that he may wake up one day and realize he still loves his ex wife and he only hooked up with you because he did not know how to communicate his needs.  \n\nBefriending the ex wife is not going to keep the husband from cheating if he so chooses nor will it provide you with peace of mind.  Remember the old saying 'what goes around, comes around.  It is true and it is called Karma.