I have a confusing situation. I cheated on my boyfriend 2 1/2 years last summer, so of course I told him and we brokeup. It was a mix of the cheating and me bascially living as his mother that aided in the break up. He wanted to get back together but I knew he wasn't ready and neither was I. Well rescently we have been spending time together and he said that he has forgiven me for everything, but that we need to take things slow. So we have been. The thing is he is making me feel like I have to make up for something that I did. I dont want to live my life that way. But I dont want to lose him. He isnt affectionate towards me, but he is always making comments about our future together. He tells his friends that he is free and can do whatever he wants. But then he comes home to me every night. I know I hurt him but I feel like he is basically trying to have his cake and eat it too. What should I do? And I am moving in a few months!
138839
Sounds like he wants you to be his mother.  I would just go seperate ways.  Good luck.
258959
If you broke up w/ him there must have been a reason. What was that reason ? Do you want to go through it all over again ? I think I can relate to what you're saying tho. I went to the city partly to get away fr him for the wk'd after we broke up. Well, we were still talking on the phone sometimes but when he phoned it'd be more like "geeeeeeez... :( " but I'd still answer the phone. While in the city I didn't have a very good time. It felt like my fam was abandoning me or something. Like they were tryna get rid of me or didn't wanna see me, etc. :( I was very hurt. The main reason why I was thinking of moving to the city was to be near my fam too... After that I felt that my ex was the only one who really cared bout me. When I got back home I jut HAD to see him so I went to see him. I told him bout what happened in the city & how I felt that he was the only one who cared bout me. For a whole wk I wanted to be w/ him. I wanted to be w/ him every chance I had. We were @ this pt, just "friends". We went to see Default & I guess he was gonna go home after the concert. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't wanna go home either. He was gonna drink but I didn't really care if he did, as long as I could be w/ him. Well, his mom & sis were gone to the city, so he let me spend the night, which I did. I felt that I wanted to get back w/ him. B/w the day I got back home fr the city to the time we got back together officially was Apr 7th-13th I believe. There was even a time AFTER that that I thought that we'd be together forever. But in the past 2 or 3 wks I haven't been feeling that way. I wanna break up w/ him. When & how is the Q. This'll be our 4th break up. :( \nYou may also experience this as well. Have you broken up in the past ? If you have I think that this will only continue to happen. Don't let it. Be strong. Easier said that done I know, but when you feel like talking to him, call a friend. Maybe even get together w/ a friend or friends. It's better than giving in to urges. Hope this helps !!!
28992
it takestime to heal from a broken heart. it took me awhile to heal from a 4yr relationship. i was cheated on for 3 of the years. maybe if you give him space he will eventually call you back. when he does explain to him that it was a mistake to break up and want him back. if it was meant to be, it will happen. give him time. good luck and hang in there.
629524
I think that he told you about him cheating on you, so if you forgive him, he thinks it would be ok to do it again. I think you need to get rid of him and move on. You are way better than to have a guy cheating on you. You need to get a good boyfriend. He probably just called you because he broke up with the other girl. You need to just leave now while you can. You don't want to get back into this relationship, just so he can cheat on you again. Ever heard once an cheater, always a cheater, well that is mostly always true, honey.  If you have the feeling that something will go terrible wrong, you are probably right. Your first instinct is usually the right one. If he likes to date your friends, and has done this before, he will keep doing that. Just walk away from it all.\nGood Luck to you, girl. I know you will find a better guy that does not cheat. That is what you deserve,
11329
Dear Katie,\nFirst thing... you have to ask yourself... do u want him back? If yes, are you sure he won't do it again... well u said u haven't made out with him but did get into some kinda relationship... He could be only looking for his 'unfinished work'... i know that's sick but it could be true. Just ask yourself... you'll have the answer.\n\nMy advice---> Do wat love makes you do!!! Its always right!!!
263224
I think both of you need a serious talk. If he says his feelings decreased but he says he made a huge mistake you need to ask how he feels now. Cause if he doesn't want to be with you in that way, you're only torturing yourself by hanging out with him and talking to him on the phone. If he feels that he wants to get back together then he should tell you when both of you have your serious talk. If he says he needs to think about it and you want to wait then don't pressure him. Show interest but not insecurity. I know it would be hard to stop talking to someone that you love if it wont work out. But sometimes you need your heart to hurt a little bit so it would heal. Just keep yourself busy. If it's meant to be then it will happen. There's plenty other relationship experience's that you will go through and not all of them will work even though your certain they're the one. And yes, I'm telling you this from personal experience. Good luck...
530905
Girl tell me about it, my bf of 2 years is here and DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE BUT KEEPS PRETENDING THAT HE DOES. And to top it off, he'd rather be with his family who treats him, me and my son fuck*ed up for no reason.  Hes leaving to go there.  He messed it up this year and last year...everytime I say he couldnt possibly make me feel any lower he finds a way to! I dont get it.
106298
Well normally I would say run to the nearest exit and so on! However you've continued the relationship with this man, and what's more you've been best friends for a long, long time! That's a lot of invested time/energy/love. I can only assume that the lie you're referring to was a cheating on his part. You had decided to forgive him, but cannot forget. (If this is not so please give more details) Why do you want to leave him now, is he continuing in the same way? - If this is the case, RUN! If not, if you just can't forgive him - then you have to decide whether you can go on without his friendship/love/companionship whatever the case may be! One of my favorite quotes, which I found very true in my case is, "It's not that I can't live without you, but I'd rather live with you." All the best in deciding!
610574
Think about the times when you are not with this guy, do you feel like your relationship is helping you or hurting you?  It sounds like you could be in an non-exclusive relationship, which is OK as long as it's not causing either of you more harm than good. \n\nI would suggest that you examine your own feelings as best you can and decide if you want to ask this guy for a committed, exclusive relationship - Is he really what you want? Once you tell him that's what you want and clearly define it, then you can see what he says.  If you feel you can trust him offer to wipe the slate clean and pursue an honest monogamous relationship with him.  Then if he strays it's time to move on.  \n\nJust be sure that continuing a relationship with this guy is what you want. If this whole situation is driving you crazy and upsetting you, take that in to consideration.\n\nA breakup is painful, but it will get better.  Staying in a bad relationship can just keep the distress alive.\n\nWe learn many lessons in life, most of them are not easy.  Everyone here can give you their opinion, but none of us are you.  Ask yourself "Am I a happier and better person over all by staying in this relationship?"  And Listen to your answer from within and follow it.
497672
While it sounds like you once had a lasting relationship with this long term guy, it is obvious that things weren't working for him when he was close to you.  He left you because he didn't want to be with you, nothing more, nothing less.  \n\nAs a guy I know when we look to come back, we all come up with so many excuses as to why we left, how much we now know and understand, how foolish we are, and how much we miss you.  Bla, bla, bla!  \n\nBottom line is if he is smart, he knows how emotionally attached you are/were and is playing it in his favor because he is lonely or that his reason for leaving you (if it was for another girl) isn't working out in his favor (sex only takes a relationship so far). An instant fix is to get back with you until he recalls why he left, gets his booty call from you, or until something better comes along.  \n\nYou are safe with him, but because he left once, it would be a very safe bet he would take off again once his old feelings or someone hotter comes around.  Believe me, if you go back with him, it will happen again.  You would be wasting your time.  Move on!  Holiday season doesn't help with emotional stuff like this.  \n\nKeep in mind, HE LEFT YOU...you owe him nothing not even a second chance.  He should have thought about that when you were asking him to come back before you became involved again.  As a guy, it is tempting to want/take something you feel you can't have.  In a sick way, your sityation offers a challenge for him to see if he can get you back one more time (ego thing) and be better/win over the new guy.\n\nSounds to me like you are very young, (under 25) and got involved with someone new before you got closure with the old guy.  Just as the guy who left you, you are doing a disservice to your new "love" if you even consider being torn.  How would you feel if he was dragging an old flame into your relationship?  \n\nIt seems like you have a real issue of being alone.\n\nIf it was me, I would break up with both or stay with the new guy, but in the future, take 4-6 months off before you get emotionally involved with anyone else.  Today, neither one of them seem to be that special (seems to me like you are carrying emotions for both and have made things complicated for everyone).  If I was dating you and I found out I was only as important to you as a guy who by choice dumped you on your ass, I would be so checkling out!\n\nDo some healing/reading on divorce/relationship recovery and always remember and learn from what your prior boyfriend did to you.  Follow and recall his past and current actions not his words (that stuff is easy).
68037
My first thought is, thank goodness he is honest about this. Secondly there have surely been signs that he has not been as serious as you have been. After 2 years it should have got past liking you into something much deeper. Sounds like he has led you on. Take off your rose colored glasses and see what is really there. Why did you stay? Did you set yourself up for a no win situation because you don't think your worthy of anything else? You are, but you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. A good relationship has good communication so there would be no surprises after 2 years. Let him go, work on yourself and then and only then will you be ready for more. You will also be more picky, more accurate in your choices.
487786
Hello:\n\nOne of the hardest things I have ever had to realize is that loving someone isn't enough to make a relationship work. \n\nI was in a long term relationship with a guy, whom I was in love with. The only problem was that he was insanely jealous, and I am a little too trusting. He would assume I was cheating on him, if I had a conversation with a guy friend (a guy friend that I had been friends with long before I met my boyfriend). And if I saw him chatting with a random girl I would just assume they were chatting, and nothing more. I should also say that I have never cheated on a boyfriend, much less cheated on this guy. \n\nEventually he started to push the limits more and more when it came to making me jealous, so much so that he started making out with a girl at a party we had gone to together. Even though afterwards he told me that it didn't mean anything, but that he wanted me to feel jealous, it was too hurt to try to make the relationship work. \n\nWe had a long talk and learned that we had spent so much time trying to hurt each other, that we didn't have anytime to enjoy each other. Obviously our relationship was disfunctional, and I'm happy to say we are both in relationship and are successful and we are still friends with one another.\n\nThe relationship I have now is fantastic. But we still do have problems. The best thing I have done in this relationship is that we face issues head on. But we both know how we each deal with stress. When I am stressed I like to be left alone, where as he likes to be distracted and just take a break from it all. We are able to recognize when we are stressed, and how we can help the other one deal with the problem. \n\nI would suggest that you wait it out. You've been in a relationship that has been successful for so long. Wait until he has started school and starts feeling comfortable there. But be supportive and if he doesn't want to talk to you about his feelings - just let him know that you are there for him if he ever needs to talk or a distraction. \n\nI hope this helps and good luck!
663358
Don't be afraid. When he comes home, sit across from him and listen to what he says. Don't beg, cry, or get too emotional. Be serious and listen to what he says. If he doesn't want to be with you any longer, than as hurtful and painful as it is; you should understand and respect his wishes. I know how hurtful and painful this is because I been there. If you just keep begging him and crying to him to stay with you; he might stay with you but he'll treat you like crap. Because he'll feel like you're desperate to stay with him. I have a friend going through that right now and she's so desperate of being with him that he's cheating and calling other girls in front of her! You don't believe me but its the truth, sweetie. Don't lose hope and don't be weary. There are other guys out there that will lay out their red carpet for you. I'm not saying to just get over it, I know its painful but you have to understand what I'm saying. Listen to what I've said and you'll be all right. One big hurt is better than being hurt ALL THE TIME. After he leaves you, you'll be hurt but it will end. If he decides to stay with you and says that he is bothered because of something that happened then try to work it out otherwise, you'll be better off with someone else who will appreciate you for YOU. Good luck and love ya!
612997
Okay first of all since the break up nothing has changed so I'm assuming that you all are still intimate with one another and you're still arguing like lovers do.  The only thing that's bothering you right now is that you don't have that "TITLE" anymore as lovers which means that he can do what he wants and so can you.  So basically this dude is getting his cake and eating it too served on a silver platter with a platinum fork.  Do not allow him to question your where abouts every time especially if he's doing it in a "boyfriend" way.  I mean at this point he's looking at the situation and saying to himself " Why get back together when breaking up with her is just the same plus I get to mess around and not be faulted for it" Does it makes sense to you now!!! Lay down some rules and set boundaries within your relationship as friends and I guarantee you he'll miss that feeling as being your boyfriend and coming running back, it never fells.
226410
I'm sorry, you are in a tough situation.  Sometimes guys grow out of that cheating thing when they get older.  Some don't.  If you are happy in your present relationship, then focus on that.  If you have doubts, then maybe give your ex another chance, if you think he really loves you.  It sounds like he does, but it was hard for him to commit at such a young age.  I might give him another chance....but not at the expense of your current relationship.  Try to think about which person you feel you are better with.  Who makes you happier?  Who makes you feel good about yourself and life in general?  Who is nicer to you?  Who is the most responsible?  Think about it.  Again, sorry, relationship questions are the worst.
178279
He is doin that because he is scared of gettin hurt again maybe you should just take it slow give him some time. Tell him how you feel and let him know that you are sorry and you would stay friends with him until you can gain his trust and tell him you wont give up on him because you really love him. I know because i cheated on my boyfriend a long time ago and i told him how i felt and we are now together and we been happy together for a year now.
72192
Only HE can decide if he wants to get back together.  You cant MAKE him.  And if you do, it could be worse.  He needs to make the decision of WANTING to be with you.  If he is unable to forgive you for whatever you did. DO NOT force the issue.  Try very hard to move on.