This man isn't my biological father.  He's got two kids that are worthless deadbeats from another marriage.  All they do is sponge off other people.  I am in college, but I live with my parents.  My dad keeps asking me when I'm going to grow up and be an adult.  I have a part time job and go to school full time.  It was his idea for me to move in with them when they found out I was going to the university in their town.  Now, he treats me like crap, and is hateful to me.  He acts like he doesn't want me there, but whenever I ask him if he really does, my mother says they do.  I can't take it anymore.  But I can't move out because I don't make enough at my job.  Someone plese give me some advice.  I can't take his crap anymore.  And don't suggest Dr. Phil.  I already tried to get on his show.
131647
darlin', you remind him of the son he should have had but he's got problem children instead. Not your fault but he's too immature not to take it out on you. \n\nHe probably didn't want you to move in but said so to keep the peace with your mom. You're coming between them whether you want to or not. Sounds like it's a party of 3.\n\nIf i were as miserable as you sound, i'd get a loan and get my own place. Find a roomie, boarding house. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. Your mental health is at stake, here. Get out; you'll realize it's worth the cost.
588858
I think you should talk to the local authorities and tell them what's going on. He sounds abusive; if nothing else controlling. You may even be able to get an interpreter, if necessary, depending on your location. They will likely direct to to your local social services office. They can tell you if you need to and are able to file a protective order (i.e. restraining order).\nIt certainly doesn't sound as if you or your Mother have done anything illegal, and if he is your step father and a U.S citizen, your Mother probably went through INS for a permanent residence card (meaning she's here legally). I hope you two are able to work it out.
505286
If he has a college degree and a job, why would he still live at home unless he either:\n1) is unable to take care of himself (lets Mom do it....again)\n2) due to student loans, cannot afford his own place - but could find someone to share rent if he WANTED to be grown up and independent\n\nNo, I did date someone like that once, briefly, until I figured that he was a typical "Peter Pan" and never was going to grow up.  That doesn't mean that is true of all people in that situation, but once burned, twice shy.
354312
Your question brought tears to my eyes.  Your life sounds like mine when I was 20.  My so called boyfriend and I are 5 years apart also and we have a child together.  Your fiance sounds just like mine years ago. The life you are living is a hard one, I can feel your pain.   I left my boyfriend several times because of his controlling crazy ways. My friends werent good enough, he didnt like me to go out, he was jealous of anything and everything.  And he accused me of sleeping with anybody and everybody (male, female, dog, cat, if I looked at it I was sleeping with it).  He couldnt hold down a job either.  He was a good father also.  Remember men like this make good fathers because they are CONTROLLING. I used to think is this all there is for me like you do but trust me its not.  You can take your child and raise it by yourself.  I raised 2 kids at your age by myself.  Trust me this man is only going to drag you down.  Here I am years 15 years later and I am STILL going back and forth with the same man.  Only difference is now he has changed he is no longer that controlling jerk he used to be.  But it took 15 years to get here. And that is only because he matured in some areas but in other areas he is still a jerk.  We dont live together so why am I holding on? I am working on myself now to figure that out.  My question to you is.  Do you want to wait 15 years like me for this man to finally treat you with the respect you deserve? I can see your like me, you need to save yourself from yourself.  I thought I was in love, funny thing is I still do, but I also know what is best for me.  Men like this never change.  Mine changed his controlling ways but only because he had no choice.  I have figured out through the years that guys like this are always going to find a way to hurt you.  The hurt never stops.  Don't say you made your bed so you should lie in it.  No one deserves the kind of treatment you receive.  I really think you will be able to make a good life for you and you child.  I did.  I am successful and have 2 great kids.  Funny thing is now "jerk" wants to settle down.  But the past is some thing you never forget.  Especially when he is still doing little stupid things that hurt me.  Like I said the hurt never stops.  I would love to give you strength and advice to help you through this because I can sense there is probally more to your story just like their is more to mine.  Dont think you are being selfish.  That was my problem years ago.  I put everyones happiness before my own.  Only sacrifice you need to make is for your child, remember that.  Your child needs to be raised in a loving argue free environment.  It is going to be hard.  Beause this guy has ahold of your mind, more than a hold on your heart.
402768
If dad was having the affair, I'd have to live with mom, but if she was making my life a living hell for something I didn't do, I couldn't stay with her either.  I'm over 18, so I'd just move out.
160364
I have that same problem he knows where I am and when I will be back he nextel's me constantly while I am trying to do my homework for college I can hardly do anything, my mother always said that if a man or woman acts like this it is because they are doing something they shouldn't be doing. I think about this all the time, because I constantly do everyghing in my life around his every whim and I am completly exhaused I have requested for us to go to counseling but he always says there's nothing wrong. It's a choice you have to make for yourself, is it really worth all of this drama to stay with someone you love?\nor do you walk away?
59163
For goodness sakes! Is he ashamed of being with you or does he not want people to think you are an item? He sounds like a guy I used to like in high school and in the first year of college. We only went to church together. And when we went out, it was after dark. He didn't want it to get back to his dad that we were seen together. \nYou might want to ask him why. But if his behavior does not improve, just leave him and his issues alone.
607678
Yep- you should let him. Hate to say this but I know. My mom didn't let us see our deadbeat dad ( for good reason I found out years later) but SHE was the one I ended up resenting. I left home at 15- on Mother's Day- 9 years ago to go live with my dad. In retrospect, now that I'm grown and I'm a mom- I see what she meant. Why SHOULD he get to see the kids whenever he wants when you're the one doing all the work? But- kids NEVER see it that way. Be the better person, let the kids see his dad. That way, the kid can see and learn for himself that the guy is no good and he wont even want to go over there.
481008
Go live with him and live happily ever after. Your mom is being ignorant. Your mom needs to realize your an adult and you will do whatever makes you happiest and she can take it or leave it.
613670
Yeah, I can tell you why: it's her house, it's her rules. He's old enough to move out--and he should, before the two of you even think about living together. Maybe it's his mum's subtle way of cutitng the apron stings--figuring that if she sets these stringent rules, he'll get fed up and move out and start acting like the grownup that he should be. Does he pay her rent? Does he contribute to the bills? Does he help around the house? There's gotta be a really good reason why she treats him in this manner.
94709
catgal,\nI’m so sorry that you had to go threw something so awful, I know how you feel, I went threw a similar situation but it wasn’t my uncle it was my mom's third husband, I wont get into details but I was 12 and it lasted a year. Karma_creadit hit the nail on the head. You should really take her advice. You don’t have to be crazy to go to a therapist, you just have to have some f****d up people in your life. Lol  jk\n\nThink about it this was you got all the hard s**t  in your life out of the way   ;)\n\nDon’t listen to acdc74023, he seems a little F****d up. It sounds like he has a lot of issues of his own he needs to figure out before giving advice to anyone else. Plus i think the only reason he answered your ? was to get 2points (loser)\n\nGood luck with your family\n\nHope I helped
56723
Lol..lol.. Maybe he, like myself is confused in what heck you're talking about? Are you trying to get rid of him too? That's his mother, and honey, you might be treading deep water on this issue, and drive him away with her...lol
103856
i just want to say how much you really need to realise that you are a victim here, this man THINKS he can control you by telling you to bring the kid to him. why should you?? he is blatently exploiting you and your kindness. you need to be strong and only agree to meet him on your terms. as for your kid, you may feel that you are letting him down by not bringing him to his dad, but when he is older he will understand that you are doing your best by him and keeping him away from a harsh environment that no child should have to live in. I think you also need to PRIVATLEY notify the police and report him, before he gets worse and harms anyone else. you are the victim here, please do not let him intimidate you with his harsh words. they are only words and you should ignore them until he makes the effort.\ngood luck
303345
just tell him to grow up, send him on his way,i know this guy thats 38 and still lives at home and wont work and argues with his parents and always got excuses and you its just pitiful. you let it go on its your own fault,put your foot down or be miserable its up to you
501696
He kind of sounds like a creep. Think about it, he has a kid and is with some other girl everyday. He is not thinking about you. I know that hurts, but please realize that you can do better. Try to find a nice guy who can be respectful and loving to you and your child. This man obviously has no family values. He does not listen to you, does not care enough to be a full time father and also does not listen to his own family's opinion. Dump the loser!!!
342371
I would ask him if I was such a terrible mother then why did you invite me over for brunch?  None of us are perfect, so why has he waited so long to suddenly tell you this, if it was so bad?  Can he give examples of why he thinks this?  Does he have a wife that doesn't like you and has finally worn him down?  That is really wierd, I am sorry your son is treating you that way.  Parenting is a system of trial and error and all we can do is try our best and how would he feel if his kids said something like that to him?  There is no reason to cause conflict especially when you are a grandparent and he needs to show his kids how to respect their elders, this is not a situation where you can take a do as I say not as I do approach.  You can set the example and take the higher road!
275747
Why did your Mom tell you this? Is he telling her these things,and if so,why? I would tell him to lay off or you will slap a slander suit on him for telling others, lies about you.