My boyfriend's ex wants to meet me because I spend time with her child but my boyfriend is against it because he thinks she will be so upset by the encounter that she will move away with his son. I want to meet her so it wont be awkward in the future if I we happen to see each other on any occasion where he is taking his son home from spending the weekend with us. In addition I am not allowed to go even to the child's birthday parties or any wher that his ex will be since he does not want to upset her.\nAm I wrong to feel like I am being excluded from the child's life in some way? Should I be ok with being excluded since I am not his mom? How do other people do this? I understand his fears but ....
122511
If you plan on being a major part of this man's life than you will also be a part of his child's life.. His ex has to deal with the fact that they are not together. You shouild meet her because she has every right to know who he has around her child and who is a part of her child's life. But when you do meet her don't be disrespectful and try to understand where she is coming from. Tell her that you are not trying to take her place. Don't upset yourself(most important) and you really don't want to do anything that would jeoparadize you boyfriend's relationship with his child. "Baby Momma" relationships are hard to deal with because they have a child, they have a bond. If you really feel for him then try your best but his chils should always come first. Good Luck and sorry for wrapping you up!
589052
Children never want to see their father with anyone other than their mother.  You and your boyfriend have to decide what your relationship is and then discuss it with the children.  Tell them that you want to include them in your relationship and hope that you can all find a way to do that.  You will have to be prepared to accept their answer whatever it may be.
598510
Go to the BBQ and let your daughter meet her uncle and half siblings. You and your daughter are the invited guests and it doesn't matter why your ex won't be there although I wouldn't be a bit surprised if your ex's brother deliberately did not invite him to keep the peace with you. Give it a chance and you and the ex's family can agree to not disgree. No matter what has happened between you and the ex, your daughter is still a part of that family's flesh and blood.
534650
Well I wouldnt put myself in this situation.  Quite frankly if you dont want someone talking to their ex, you have that right and shouldnt be judged poorly.  I am not down with that either, so tell her when she is done with his problems to come and find you...if you are still availiable.
584102
Tell him you want to meet the brother and his girlfriend first, maybe at a dinner. Or better make some plans that would have you and your boyfriend around them  most of the day on a Saturday.  That way you can get to know them better and hopefully tell if you would feel comfortable with them out of town.  But just going  away with people you don't know, sounds like trouble.
468349
No, you're not a bad mother but your ex does have a right to see his child.  Your daughter clearly likes your boyfriend more than her own father because he does not show her love and affection.  Evidently your boyfriend does and he is nice to your daughter.  A lot of men do care about their chidren but may not show it.  Maybe your ex is annoying because he doesn't want to end things with you.  Your daughter is his connection.  So, tell your ex you have a boyfriend.  If he gets mad so what?  You have a right to go out and see whom you wish.  Don't let your ex run your life.  If your boyfriend can sometimes take care of your daughter while you do other things then let him and don't bother your ex.
587438
This is not about you or your boyfriend's son.  This is about your boyfriend.  I can pretty much guarantee you that he has made it clear that he is going to be with you and she is PISSED OFF!!! It has a little to do with what you do for the son, but it has more to do with what you are getting and have.  You have to remember that you have the life she would of had if she wasn't such a b*****.  There is no way that anyone can talk to her about this because she is too angry and irrational right now.  Basically, you cannot reason with crazy people.  However, your boyfriend does have some rights if he is paying child support.  She CANNOT keep him from seeing his son if he is paying child support.  If he has to take her to court to get visitation, then go to court.  If he isn't paying child support, then he's got a problem.  Of course you do not want to put the child through custody battle, but it might come down to that if he's not paying.  Most importantly, do not give up fighting to see him.  Bring in a mediator, go see a priest, hire a witch doctor, whatever, but do not give up on this child.  Even if his mother does not see it, I am sure that this little boy felt safe in your home with his two brothers, his father and you.  And no matter how this turns out remember that if she continues to do this, that little boy is going to resent and hate her.  Every kid needs to know their parents and when he gets a little older and understands what she's done, I pretty sure that he is going to go running to his father and she might be left with nothing.  So keep the door unlocked for him.
409080
You should not blame yourself for this. The guy sounds like a jerk to me. I have not really had the best relationships with guys either, so I understand how you are feeling. My situations were not exactly like yours, but I still get how you are feeling. The only thing I can give you for advise is that if he is not "man" enough to keep a relationship with your daughter, then it will be him that loses out on a great little girl. As for dealing with her... I can only say I would try to have as little communication with HER as possible. If your daughter goes to visit him, make sure that you are talking with him to make the arrangements. If you feel that you two "are not suppose to be together" I think that you should make that crystal clear to him, there is nothing harder than letting him think that there is something between you when you in reality have no feelings for him. It will only make things more difficult for you in the long run. Another little tip is to keep someone in your life that you feel like you can always turn to for advise either a close friend or family member (this always helps me and plus you get a second opinion for free). I hope that this little bit helped :-)
222217
shes the mother of his kid so dont expect him to get her out of his life..give some respect to her besides youre the one that hes with right know and thats all that matter...if hes still seeing him be4cause of his kid and he tells you about it that would be fine..at least hes telling you whats hes doing outside your relationship and that is seeing her because of the kid..dont be jelous of her and dont think that he doesnt love you bcoz of that...its just that he has responsibilities even before you came to his life and you should support him and always be beside him..with that youll found out later on that your bf will love you even more..try it..it works!!
175092
If you love him got back out with him. What you could do is avoid going to you boyfriend's mum house for the time being. Maybe in time she will notice and see how much you love her son. Then it will be an opportunity for her to change her ways. Some women can be protective over their 'little boys'.
407227
I would think any child that is not you sons would be hard to accept. If they are back together tell him how you feel and have him talk to her. If he wont talk to her then you tell her and tell her that you will not be a part of this child's life if she doesn't stop acting this way. If they are not together then you don't need to accept the child and it doesn't need to be in your life. Sorry to say it that way but it is true. Also I think once you see that beautiful baby it wont matter anymore. GOOD LUCK.
545473
No way this is normal. You need to put a stop to this-pronto!   There is a reason she is the "ex" so you have every right to remind him of this. He should be over her by now and have made the commitment of being with you. He's married to you now so he hasn't any reason discussing anything with her or being under her control. With exception of talking about the kid anything else concerning the two of you is is none of her business. He's out of whack for communicating with her like this. Time for a reality adjustment. So get up close in his face and tell him in no uncertain terms to shut that big mouth of his. What a lot of nerve. If you're wondering about what I think I think it sucks big time and is callous and disrespectful toward you. That shrew of an ex needs to be put in her place also. Who cares if she went "nuts". She's nuts if she thinks she had any say about the two of you being married! Who the hell is she anyway? Tell her to butt out of your lives. Share a relationship with the ex? God no!! So put your foot down unless you're considering becoming another ex.
595268
I'm in the same position you are.  I cannot STAND my hubby's ex, and the very idea of her setting foot on my property makes me crazy.\n\nThat being said, your opinion is not the important one here - it's the child's.  The 9 year old will not understand why his mommy can't come into his house, regardless of how you explain it to him.  However, it is okay to make certain rooms off limits to ALL visitors (not just mom) - and make sure he knows which ones.\n\nShe's just trying to get under your skin - and by being bothered by her actions is letting her win.  Just smile, be civil, and pretend everything is right as rain.  It'll bug the heck out of her.  Good luck!
673099
almost the same thing happend to me. my boyfriend an i have been together for a long time. 6months through he told me that he had to tell me something...he told me about some party he went too an how he had no idea what was going on an blah blah blah, but i forgave him. i mean i figure if it was before the relationship it shouldnt matter. ofcourse trust issues an all that, but he was just scared to tell me, he figured id get "jelous" i have to admit i was a tad bit, but i love him way to much to even trip over things like that. THATS LIFE! people make mistakes.. some bad...some good...If your girlfriend learned from what had happend thats all that matters! dont put her down for it! im sure it hurts her enough already. About the Vegas thing...maybe she does have plans? maybe she is busy? not everything is abal to work out for you or anybody. im sure youve had plans of ur own when she wanted to go some where? i mean GOSH! your only 16. party. have fun! an just because she wants to go to a boys "birthday party" doesnt mean a thing! STOP being so controlling towards her...u sound more like a father than a boyfriend...an if u keep that up you might loose her.....and also about her mother....just leave that her buisness dont get to involed into things an automatically blame her for the mistakes her, her mother, her family has made. She may be a WHOLE diff. person. TRUST ME..I KNOW.\n\n-Stephanie
68671
no there is nothing wrong with wanting her to stay away from the ex.\n\nwhat is wrong is that she is around the ex. tell her to stop or it's over.
307669
You have a child now so the stakes have completly changed. If she is hateful and you have no parental control over your child, then you have ever right to want to leave. I understand you love your boyfriend, but sadly sometimes as a mother you have to choose between your and your bf personal happiness and the happiness/well being of your son. I think you should explain to your bf how you feel and tell him he can leave w/ you or you can go on your own. Then follow through w/ getting a place of your own, if he understands then he will come with you. You two can still go over everyday & check on her, but you need your own life as well!!! I hope everything works out for you and your family.
428364
Don't do it!  If he and/or she wishes to meet the other then let them step up and do so, once you get involved it's going to be a headache.  You can support the relationship as a friend and not initiate the relationship as a third party.