I have lupus, and it is all I can do to survive.  I am always so tired. I can barely take care of my girls, and I am getting really run down.  My disability hasn't come through, so I am sooo broke.  I can't hire help.  My ex wants me back, and he could help take care of the kids.  The thing is...that I don't love him that way, anymore.  But, I can't stand the idea of having to let him take my daughters.  My little one is seven, and we are soooo close.  What do I do?
129991
I know it would be easy for you to give in and take him back, it could benefit you so much, but I think you know deep down that it'd be wrong. How would he react if you told him the truth that you would really appreciate him back to help but at this stage you can't promise him anything else.
539049
As hard as it is to do, find someone else.  If it's this hard now, wait until you have kids with him :(  Custody over their minds would be a Real Serious Issue.
232207
I have been in almost the same situation. my bf got his ex gf pregnant while we were on a short break. I went back to him and now the child is almost 3. The ex is CRAZY, wont leave us alone. We have to pay 127 a WEEK in child support, which we cant afford and havent been able to pay the whole 127 a week so my now husband will be going to jail fairly soon. To make matters worse the ex had another son 6 months ago, 10 days before my daughter was born. and is now claiming it is my husbands. SO all I can say IS LEAVE HIM. It will never end. You will be alot more happier without him. ' YOU DONT WANT DRAMA WITH HIS BABIES MAMA'.
446565
My wife and I divorced when our sons were 5 and 2 1/2.  It was a miserable experience.  The divorce was painful because I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore.  There was no normality.  Even more painful was not being with my sons everyday.  The hurt will not disappear overnight.  You probably don't want to hear this but it just takes some time.  One thing that will help is to maintain a civil relationship with your ex, but while the hurt is still there try to restrict your conversations to the children.  As for the children, do whatever you can to make sure you have as much time with them as you possibly can.  Focus your energy on making sure they know you want them around and that your home is also their's and they aren't just visitors.  I know the pain you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.  This won't make the hurt go away completely, but it does give you something to sort of hang-on to that is positive.
509344
I am dating a woman who has kids also from a marriage. If she really loves you and is comfortable with who she is, she will explain and defend her life choices to her children no matter how difficult. I understand that could be very difficult for her, but she must make an important decision. If she isn't strong enough to live this life, she might consider living a different one.\n\nAs for yourself, you should decide how much you are willing to deal with this. If it continues this way, I am sure you will reach your limit soon. Your hurt will grow and grow and grow until one day you will say you cannot take it anymore! Take it from me, I have been there!!\n\nHave some serious discussions and trust your heart!
386855
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
475864
It will get better. Same thing happened to me same week the youngest turned 18 See ya later!!! It happens nothing you can do about it. Keep yourself as distant from it all as you can if not you will never heal. If the children still want a relationship with you then be there for them.. Stay busy get lots of friends maybe a good time to find a good church.. Your free to do what you want take advantage of it make yourself have fun start your quest to find that one that is your best friend and wants to be with you for you not because you have a pay check.....Good luck
245113
wow.  I can't believe you would separate yourself from your kid.  I want to be around my kids all the time.  Sounds like you are being selfish.  You must see your kids as being too much work, so you send them off half way around the world.  Maybe you shouldn't breed anymore.  Save the little love you have left for the 18 month old.
516333
first off you are not a **** up. Maybe try to get away for a while and clear your head. If i was your friend i would be honored to be the god parent of your lil boy. Talk to someone a friend, counselor or social worker. Maybe try to talk to your foster mom and the other people who are hurting you and tell them how you feel. If things still don't get better you need to move. you and your child deserve a better life. I know things seem hard now but they will get better so keep your head up. you little boy need you in his life, I'm sure you are a great mom. I hope i was of help.
630588
First off, breathe....Wow, I am really sorry for the pain you are going through right now.  Life isn't easy, and I really should have paid more attention to my mom when she told me to enjoy my childhood, cause being an adult is not so much fun.  \n\nYou are not alone.  I have buried both of my parents after long illnesses where I helped them out the last few years of their lives by living with them and being their nurse.  After that pain was over, I thought things would finally be better, and a year later my husband had a heart attack.  The next year he was hospitalized for an infection.  And then when things finally looked better, he was hit by a car and was unable to walk for almost 9 months.  He is still in physical therapy and can barely walk.  Prior to all of this, we have been trying to conceive since 1997 (no luck and lately hard to even try).  And as far as the scarring goes, I was a perfectly healthy beautiful 17 year old (a long time ago) and got the chicken pox.  I ended up with horrible scarring all over my back chest and arms and will also never be able to wear a swimsuit or shortsleeved shirt again without being self conscious (ie-I never even try).  This may also have caused my infertility.\n\nAside from all of this suck, and when I was in my darkest place thinking thoughts like yours, my husband and I took a brief one week vacation together.  No cell phones, or visits to friends.  The only expectation was to have fun.  It was truly life affirming.  \n\nTo fight depression, try to eat healthy, get plenty of sleep, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and spend a little time everyday in the sunlight.  Talk to your doctor.  If the pain is physical, they have methods to reduce it.  If the pain is emotional, there are prescriptions and therapy available.  This will not solve your problems, but help you understand how your mind works so that you can stop your depression response.  \n\nIt is not easy, and my heart goes out to you, but try to spend more time focusing on the positive and things will seem a little better.  You still have your mind, and from the sounds of it your ability to move around freely.  Is there something you have always wanted to do?  My something was photography, so I took a class.  It was only one hour a week, but it was nice to spend one hour a week on myself for a change.  Perhaps get away and visit your friend in Europe?  Spend some time spoiling yourself.
584208
fight him,  get a lawyer and fight him all the way.....\nGet family and friends to go to court with you.........\nTell "no lies"  (they always find out)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nLet the courts know you went  through post-par-tom depression when they were born.  Giving him custody,,,,  But you went through treatment and your better now (have your doctor or counselor testify for you, saying your healed) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nYour kids should be with you and they should see you are a good mother for giving them up when you were sick, but now your better and want them back where they belong.....
218746
My heart really goes out to you, I can't imagine what you are going through with your daughter. It sounds like you have made a great start with the day to day stuff and i think this is the best thing to do -concentrate on each day and don't look too far ahead. Rely on your family and friends and don't stop talking about it, play with your baby and wait. The waiting is the hardest part, but if you take it slowly and don't set a time limit - don't say for example that by next week you will have stopped crying, or that by next month you will be over him and don't judge your own 'get over him' time by someone elses, everybody does things in their own way. But i promise you that if you keep doing what you're doing it will go away, it really will, you just have to wait. Wishing you all future happiness xxxx
396306
Looking for answers is a great way to help her.  Activities like dancing, walking through the mall, travel, etc. can really take its toll on someone with lupus.  It is a chronic disease and your girlfriend is probably a lot like me....and doesn't want to risk losing a great guy by telling them how difficult life can be living with Lupus.  \n\nDealing with lupus is a personal thing.  Don't push the issue but be understanding if she asks for alone time.  \nSome things that really help me are:\n\nDrop her off close to the place you are going instead of making her walk extra distance.\n\nTell her to let you know when she is too tired and needs to rest or let her sleep in on the weekends.\n\nThese are two things my ex really didn't understand.  He didn't have patience for my needs.  \n\nShe is lucky to have someone who is willing to take the time to learn.
264699
I'm in Australia, so there isn't much I can help you with in regards to the laws of your country, assuming you live somewhere else. But congratulations for being a great man and father and seeing your kids as people you love not just a responsibility. Whatever happens, your children will grow up knowing they are in an environment of love and support and that will be a huge benefit and source of comfort for them. I'm separated, with five kids and their father has moved on with his life and that life doesn't involve them. Its had a ravaging effect on them emotionally. There should be more men like you. I know things are really hard and I can see how you would be feeling down and frustrated. Just remember a close family will survive anything. Good Luck. You have lucky children.
208018
Everyone on this planet has days or weeks like what you are describing...that's life. First of all, ask yourself, is this the worst that's happened to me. The answer is probably no.....is this the worst that will happen to me, no way.I'm not super religious, I've always told myself, that God will not give me anything that I can't bear.In your situation, being a single Mom, you've taken care of all of your responsibilities for this period,you didn't say whether or not you and your babies had food,assuming you do,you're set. After the kids go to bed tonight,sit down and look at the positives,I think you've done swell,I can't see me raising two kids....plus for you......rent is paid....plus for you.I know you don't need sex. All in all, I'd say you've done a real good job.You sound like a strong person...that doesn't come and go,you're still that.That won't change,(I could like you )you'll take care of the next two weeks,because it's in you.We have a couple of sayings from Viet-Nam..Don't sweat the small s**t!..Look for the worst,hope for the best,f**k the rest!!This time will go by..you'll make it..you'll look back and laugh,then give yourself credit for staying strong.KEEP YOUR HEAD UP GIRL...YOU ARE AS STRONG AS YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!
556638
He is not worth the problems ,You loved him and that will always be with you but you must go with your live your kids need you. The pain will go away in time than you can find someone who loves you for you and your kids to. He don't want nothing to do with the kids its his loss not yours.
40217
you are so sweet!  most kids don't see things the way you seem to.  now, i don't have any of my own, but since i am someone's (now adult) child, i think i can give you a few suggestions.  first of all, while it may not be your responsibility to take care of your mother (or anyone else in your family), it is nice that you want to help out.  nothing wrong with that.  now, maybe you can start helping with laundry or other chores.  if you already do help at home, then maybe you can talk to some of your other relatives to see if  they are willing to talk with your mom and get her some help.  or at least give your mom a break by hanging out with you kids (or just you, if you're an only child) while she spends some time alone.  if you want to get her a gift, i'm sure she'll love anything from you.  maybe something for the bath, or some relaxing music?  good luck, and i hope you and your family realize what a good daughter you are:)