It has come to my family's attention that my father is in kidney failer. The doctors say if his heart can take the surgery his best bet if for a live, biological donor. That leaves either my sister or myself since my father is adopted. I told him to let me know what I needed to do to find out if I'm a match or not. Now that I'm sitting at home 3000 miles from where my father is....why do I feel so freaked out? Its my kidney...I've grown rather attached to it and rather like it right where it is...but deny my father, no way!! I'm so mixed up...one minute I'm all for it the nest I'm like.....WHOA...lets think about this.....suggestions......
131441
It's perfectly normal to be afraid of surgery, especially in a case like this. I suggest thinking about how you would feel if you didn't do it and your father died when you knew you could help him. It's okay to be afraid as long as you don't let fear control you.
152436
I'm 23 and my mum passed away on April 15th from Cancer, we had no idea how serious her condition was until a couple of days before, and she was only diagnosed in January. Plus to top it all off, I'm getting married next weekend (2 days after what would have been her 51st birthday) and I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that she won't be there. \n\nIt's been so hard and I've had so many mixed feelings of guilt, regret, sadness and loneliness, but I think the key is talking to people and don't bottle it up or it will make you ill. \n\nI've had a lengthy conversation with my dad which has helped me loads and the silly thing is we're closer now than we ever have been. \n\nWhat you need to remember is time heals all wounds, and although I will find my wedding incredibly difficult, I know she would have wanted it to be the happiest day of my life and I'm sure she'll be there in spirit. \n\nI hope this has helped, especially to let you know there are others feeling the same feelings you are - just remember you're not alone and your father will always be watching over you.
522751
I am sorry,  my grandmother has lost her will to live after my father died three years ago, I do not believe you will ever get over it, I think you may be able to one day accept your child died,  but you will always grieve and feel your loss, I am not sure the goal is too get over it, I was devastated when my father died and I know this cannot compare honestly if my children died, I would probably semi lose my mind at least temporarily. and I know I would become a humanitarian worker on the international scene for human rights watch or red cross, in the thick of things. and I would have a very nomadic lifestyle, however I still  feel the hole that was ripped open in my soul the day my father died, I do not believe it will ever go away, church made me feel worse. the funeral was horrible .I told the priest he was full of it ,and so was his religion ,which offered no comfort .and I informed him  that my father detested religion,I can relate to not wanting to hear the empty god comments. what surprisingly helped me , was a support group for grief victims ,people who had the same or similar experiences .I would have never  joined a group like this, but it was a service offered ,because I donated his organs.and amazingly just the pamphlets generated from the group touched me and helped ease my grief, I know it sounds like it will do no good, but It is truly worth a try, for you to get in touch with other parents who lost their children, I know I saw a persons 360 page on yahoo ,the mans child died and the support from the online community was amazing .I am not sure this will help you as much as a real group ,but not feeling alone in your anger is crucial to feeling better, it is most difficult to hold on to yourself or soul ,if you believe in that, when you are filled with misery ,it is so much harder to love yourself,life, or anything than it is to hate .and making that human connection with others that can truly understand you rather than dismissively wish you well or try to say something they think you want to hear, is the first step in regaining the feeling of control and a new perspective , I also encourage you to visit my 360 page and dont read it ,cause I am bad and while I try to remain positive, I do tend to gravitate to the darkside at times, but go to my friends list  find Skyes avatar click on it and visit skyes page, this beautiful woman is a well of positivity, and spiritual well being .and just reading her blogs make me feel better and I am sure they can touch your heart as well
612132
Hi!  I am sorry about the situation you are in.  I used to be a step-mom but now I am an adoptive mother.  When I married my daughters dad I automatically became step-mom.  I then adopted them (by the way, my husband had to adopt them with me even though he is the biological father).  My name is now on the girls birth certificates as if I was the one who gave birth to them.  The natural mother loses all rights- even her name on their legal birth certificates!  I hope you can give your step-mom a chance.  It'll be hard, I know.  I was lucky, my girls were very little and I'm the only mom that they know and love.  Is she mean to you or jealous of you?  Are you jealous of her relationship with your dad?   Please figure out why you don't like her and maybe the both of you can work it out.  You are not being disloyal to your mother if you like the step.  You didn't mention whether your mom is still in the picture.  I assume and hope she is still alive.  If not, I'm sorry.  Please, for your sake give step -mom a chance.  The more allies you have on your side the better.  Besides, I know you must love your dad and there could be no worse heartache than seeing the two women closest to him feeling that way.  See it in your heart to be happy for him.  There must be something worth liking about her if your dad picked her for his wife.
575370
I had a mixed marriage and I have the most 2 beautiful children on earth...my husband died on kidney disease, he was from India, we meet in College, we both were foreign students in Miami\nand I knew that ppl talked behind our backs...
157001
I really hate to here of your father falling ill once again. Let me tell you just last week my father was told that he has cancer of the pancreas.It is a scary time for all involed but most of all the patient. I went to see my father just last year after 24 years, we had some bad issuses between us as well does my sister and brother does with him. I feel better that I went I can honestly say that I have no regrets. You feel how you feel and you can only do what you feel is best towards your dad. Always remember that you tried your very best towards him. May god bless you and your father, put your trust in him and he will lead the way. Good luck.
2134
I only want all of my family together again.And i think i am getting my wish.I recently had brain tumor surgery, and i am 29.I am ok, but it made me realize alot of important stuff. It made me and my sister talk again after 2 1/2 years. Material comes and goes, its what matters in your heart. I do not have alot of money now, not working, and it seems weird to not buy alot, but every second that goes by i am now living for the better. Love those close to your heart, because you don't know when they could be gone, or yoursself. Peace and happiness is my wish.
615382
Oh my.  What a horrible decision to have to make.  I can't say.  I don't know!  I love both of my parents very much.  I'm sorry not to answer, but I honestly have no idea.  I guess I'd just do whatever hit me at the moment.  But I can't say in advance.
661750
Hi Dakota:\nSo sorry to hear all your pain.....but the good part of this is I hear lots, and lots of love going on here.  Wow.  Glad to hear it...and keep it up.  \n\nDon't worry.  Keep busy with some other passion, other then him, and all will be fine.   I discovered all sorts of interesting passions when I was alone.....I actually started to really find me and my daughter, and we had lots of fun, and when my love came back, well he was really happy to see the 'new' me.  I had matured and become 'more' attractive to him because I had another passion.  and our daughter learned from seeing me function and find myself more steady!  She is now much older, but she is very independent now as a result.\n\nIt is hard, and I know you can do it, because lots of us out there did what you are doing.   So, dive out on the internet and look up some of your passions--be it painting, walking, hiking, drawing, find something fast.  and your honey will appreciate you all that much more.\n\nTrust me on this one,\n\nluv Ava
405197
ouch hunny! - glad you have an appointment to get it checked out properly this week with the doctor.  i had kidney stones and really sympathize with you - mind you i have no testicles cos i'm a girl so not quite sure how it works for men! - good luck and hope you are feeling better really soon xx
159883
Never okay about suicide.  The fact that my heart went out to you despite not even knowing who you are I hope in some way will show you that your presence here on earth is valuable.  Life is hard.  Everyone has problems, you are not alone in that. Sometimes you can't help but thinking that you want to just throw in the towel and say the hell with everything but that is the easy way out.  Life is precious.  Millions of people everywhere in hospital beds, on battle fields, you name it, are fighting to preserve their lives right now.  You must find a reason to carry on.  Lonliness is easily cured.  Meet people, get out there. Happiness is never constant but we can't be ready to end it all when our lives aren't going as we'd like.  I am sorry that you have no wife and family and your parents are dead and that you and your siblings are not speaking and your finances aren't so good right now. But God still has a purpose for you.  You may be just what someone else needs in the form of a friend or companion.  I hope I have helped you in some way. It breaks my heart when I hear that someone has taken their own life. May God bless you and help you see the gift that you are regardless of your current circumstances. You are in my prayers.
112861
Im sorry to hear about that too.  Im about to lose everything too.  My dad doesn't have much money, or his drivers license, or anyone to watch my lil brothers.  My mom just left for another man, and she pays most of the bills in the house.  So i guess im about to experience what you've been experiencing. But anyways, homegurlz right.  Dr.Phil or Oprah aint going to help you any.  They are way to buissy with their television and stuff.  But never give up hope gurl. So here is the number to Dr. Phil if you want to know, (323.461.PHIL ).  You have to leave your name and your number and a message.  Sorry about your dad too.  I hope he really gets to see his Grandchildren.  If you live around your aunts, uncles, cousins or anybody, ask them to take you and your boys to your dads house.  They might be willing to help out, you never know.
582809
I am about to have a tumor the size of a cantalope removed from my body this Friday.  I also have a mass on a kidney.  I would be leaving behind three great little kids.  I care if you live.  You don't know what you have until there is a threat that it will be taken from you.  When I was younger I admitted myself to a psych hospital for three weeks because I didn't see any more reason to live.  Back then I really couldn't see any future for me.  If I had only known all the good things that were down the road.  Life is a gift and the best is yet to come.   Even if things are tough now, believe me, better days are ahead.  I care very much.  I don't want to die, and it hurts me to think of someone not understanding what they are throwing away.  Please seek help if you are serious.  Your are worthy of a wonderful life.  You deserve good things.  I don't know you, how old you are, what your situation is or if you are just bored and typing this question to see what people say but no matter what your reason for writing, I can assure you as someone facing some scarey stuff, I care very much that you CARE that you live.
551995
Hey fella I'm speaking from experience if i were you i would leave it a bit longer don't be to hasty by the way your describing your dad i think he may well suspect but don't confirm those insecurities hes got, not yet anyway dont feel pressured to come out (it took me till i was 22 to do it and that was only with a liter bottle of vodka in me ) but when you feel you are ready then maybe have a friend with you when you break the news (this is what i done) as moral support you might find like me that no-one in the family bats an eyelid at your earth-shattering news I hope this is the case for you as it was for me I'm in the UK by the way so attitudes may be diffrent than the USA but please don't do what i done and tear yourself apart about it most of all don't live a lie it only brings heartache and anguish be true to yourself and you will know when the time is right to come out maybe get yourself settled in a steady relationship first (which is what i done) and if your dad reacts the way you think he will you have always got your fella to fall back on for moral support and strength hope this helps and i hope things work out for you good luck Steve
598516
Oh my sis... Hugs to my sis in the Lord.  I can't imagine how tough it must be.  But girl our Lord is STRONG and He is walkin with you every step of the way... And he's with your family too...  Sometimes the Lord chooses to heal us so that Everyone can see such awesome Proof of His power.  But sometimes... we well endure much so that those around us can see how our Faith sustains.  Look at Joni Eareckson Tada She's been a quadrapoligic for what 30 years... and people can look at her and say Look at the joy she has look at the love she shares despite what she has to deal with everyday.   You can be a WITNESS to how God heals the SPIRIT.... Let Him use you to be a lamp Shining bright.  I don't know if I understand all you have to go through or what your family is going through.  Just make sure that you KNOW and your family Knows... that God is going to give you  Healing no matter what.  Either you'll be healed of this illness and beable to testify to it for years to come... or you'll testify of the peace the Lord gives beyond understand you and HEAL you completely and bring you home... Too many forget that death for a christian isn't God letting you down... it's God giving the Best and COMPLETE healing and being present with the Lord alone could give.  As much as it breaks our hearts when the Lord brings someone home we can rejoice for them.  I'm gonna post you a few scripture addresses so you can look them up...or this email will take you a month to read.  God bless you sister... even by just this... short note from you I can see the Holy Spirit in you and I know He will tell you what to do with your family.  I know he will comfort you and them and hold you all in comfort and peace.  You are in my prayers.   you lil sis in HIM  -- jen
612887
Who are you to end your life without loved ones by your side? Do you feel you are that much of a loser that you should die alone? Does anyone deserve to die alone?\n\nThis isn't about getting ten points from you. This is about the rest of your life. I fed my Dad the last three meals of his life. I was in the hospital room when he died. The first time since my puberty that we got along, was when I was there for him when he got the news that he was dying of cancer, and I was there every day from there till the end. He found out, finally, what kind of good kid he had raised. He had his flaws as a father, but those flaws, instead of causing emotional damage to me, made me a stronger individual. Strong enough to weather the storm when my brother could not.\n\nApparently, you think that the best is behind you. You have been offered a new start. No matter how long you have, you have someone to be with to the end of your days. She loves you. Could you love her? Does it matter if you don't? She's a caregiver. She's like the nurse that falls in love with the patient. Someday, she'll have her sob-story to give to anyone who will listen about the true love that died on her. You, on the other hand, will have someone there FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! It's a marriage of convenience, so to speak. And you deserve it. Be honest with yourself. Don't you deserve it?\n\nOh, and a friend of the family (my family) is in the process of curing Hepatitis B. So, if that's your illness, a cure is in the works at Mayo Clinic, just a few hours northwest of you. Just in case, I thought I should tell you that. And I'm VERY serious. He has Hep B, and his immune system is, well, immune to it. He's getting better, when he should be dead by now. It's one of the best cures since Jonas Salk, and it's happening right before our eyes.
594072
Have you talked to you mom about this?    Family is about love not color.  MY family is mixed to,we have 6 kids..  my daughter is African American,Indian,Italian. I married a Mexican. so we have alot of mixes we call it his your & ours. Is someone making you feel different or left out?  I would try to talk it out with my family or talk to the person making me feel like i don't belong. FAMILY is about love and caring, if they give that to you your half way there and maybe you need some time with someone from you dads family to get to know your afican amercian half.