I've offered to walk or whatever with him. However, he just seems stuck. He says working out makes him feel too uncomfortable (it causes him anxiety). I love him but I just feel like there is a HUGE physical attraction barrier between us. Sex is non-existent. What should I do? Serious replies only please. I am desperate.
131797
He gets defensive because it's a sore spot for him...  He KNOWS what he looks like, and if sex is non-existent I'm sure he's missing it as much as you- yet he's afraid he'll never be able to change things.\n\nHe'll hopefully be ready someday - on his own.
527522
If the relationship is shaky why is he proposing?  Have you asked him this question?\n\nHave you asked him if he feels the relationship isn't as great as it could be?\n\nAll relationships go thru ups-and-downs but it sounds as if yours is aimed downward and sinking fast.  If you really feel that you don't want to remain in the relationship you should leave.  But it must be your decision.\n\nNo one can say 'go' or 'stay' because no one is in the relationship and viewing everything from your POV.  You have to do what you want to do on your terms.  It sounds as if (in your mind) you've already kissed the relationship goodbye...now all you need to do is actually take the physical steps and walk away.
303316
If you are comfortable in how you look.... That is all that matters.  Pardon me for saying this, but this guy sounds like a jerk.  How come you are staying with him if you feel that he does not find you attractive?  Perhaps you should move on to somebody that will love you for "you" and not need to turn to porn for sexual gratification.  \nHave you ever just confronted him and ask if he finds you appealing in a sexual way?  I still think it is time for you to start looking for a better relationship.\n\nI can't believe you offered to let him take pictures of you, and he declined..... Most guys would jump at the chance to take some hot pics.  \n\nIf he is making you feel stupid or ugly, you really don't need that in your life!  A good partner in a relationship should make you feel happy, and he should not be afraid to show you exactly how much you mean to him.... At least that is my opinion...  If you want to "vent" more about this situation, you can always email me.. I am a good listener.\n\nI wish you luck!  I hope things improve for you!  don't let this guy get you down!
446361
He needs to get more comfortable with you. try talkin to him. Better yet, when you are together just kiss him or massage his ego a bit by telling him how sexy he is.
133238
wow!  you are a great weight and definitely NOT fat!!!  he may have just been nervous about the date itself, not your weight.  he may feel more uncomfortable that you are older than him.  you may want to evaluate this yourself.  is he too immature for you?  does he have different values/ideals, goals, etc. that may get in the way?  if you know that you really care for him and want to keep dating, talk to him about this, and let him know you care about his feelings and ask him to let you know if he really was uncomfortable, or if he was just nervous.  Hope it goes well!  take care!
246585
I have been with my boyfriend for a while too & sometimes  I feel like what does he love about me.  I think everyone feels that way sometimes because no one is perfect.  I would just continue complimenting him & flirting with him.  Tell him great things about himself all the time like how good he smells & how strong he is.  Maybe he has never been in love before & he wants to know how you know this time is different.  Make him a list of all the things you value & appreciate about him!
387536
OK - I'll take into account the info provided in your other related question as well as the info posted here, as you may have best results. Also I'm speaking from experience here - I was in a similar place to your b/f for a long time - which is never made easy given the stereotypes males are chained to as being the sexual horn-dogs in the human race.\n\n    First thing to do is deal with the stress/health/energy problems. Look at where diet may be impacting things - although hyped up, what we eat (or don't eat) makes a huge difference. Also exercise - try even making part of the exercise routine something you can do together (try doing a few gym classes together). By doing this you not only encourage each other to keep going, you're enjoying doing something new as a couple - plus you're sharing each other's company in a physical environment.\n\n    The other area to tackle of course is the physiological/emotional issues - encouraging him to come out of his shell in the bedroom (or anywhere else you chose for that matter). Part of the solution is to talk to him about how you're feeling, and encourage him to explore the sensual side of the relationship - help to create an environment which encourages exploration and imagination.\n\n    You could even start introducing a few toys or movies into your love life. Or try setting a day (or even an evening) aside each week that is set aside exclusively for romantic activities, and tease the crap out of each other over the preceding days to build up the sexual tension. Send a few erotic emails or text-messages TELLING HIM what you want him to do to you...make it fun, so that there isn't that stress or anxiety which is probably attached to the whole affair at present.\n\n    You may have to start this ball rolling, but with a little effort you may well find it proves more than worth it.
312050
Have you told him how you feel?  I'm sure he'd love to be alone with you, too, but maybe he's just oblivious to your wants or doesn't know how to ask.  You could also try taking the initiative-- invite him over to your place for a movie or ask him to go for a walk, just the two of you.  I know the whole guy-mantra of "bros before hoes," but if you ask him to spend time with just you and he refuses, you might have to question his commitment.
604803
You need to ask in order for the relationship to work. He won't mind, He's proboly been thinking of a way to tell you anyway that he either, doesn't want to be with you and wants to move. wants to be with you wants to move and wants you to come but doesn't want to spring it on you. Or want to be with you but has to move. \n            Hope this helps :)          good luck
434555
support and him and tell him taht you want to be with him and don't want to give up...tell him you'll be here every step of the way..encourage him to seek a therapist who can help him...maybe give him a few days but tell him you're not going to leave for good...
146765
Yes my dear, I know what you mean. If you're scared, don't go. \n\nDoes he know you're a virgin? You didn't say how long you two have been dating. If you've dated him a long time and he knows you are a virgin and has been respectful, never questioning you or pressuring you, then it MIGHT be okay. I still think if you are afraid or it makes you uncomfortable, then you should do what feels right to you and not go. If you feel you might be pressured to have sex and you are not ready to, then do not go. \n\nI am not a virgin any more, but know how this feels. Let me share a story with you:\nI am a single woman (previouly married many years ago). I was dating a guy for a few months and I really liked him, but had not had sex with him. We kissed on our dates, and it was very hot, but kept it at that level, just kissing, no "heavy petting". He invited me on a ski trip for a week. We had not travelled together before, or even spent a weekend together, so I was a bit hesitant. (I should have paid attention to that feeling; that was my intuition.)  I really did not think he would pressure me. He had been very well mannered. I would not have gone otherwise. I knew spending that much time together would let us really get to know each other. We got along well and it would be fun, especially because we both like to ski.\n\nOn that trip, he started by wanting me to sleep in the same bed with him. I actually didn't have much choice, the room only had one bed. I should have known right there that a real gentleman would have made sure there were 2 beds or asked me if I was okay with the sleeping arrangements. I felt a little uneasy about it, because I was not ready to be so physically close to him. But I figured it was okay, and kept my gown on. Well, it just got worse each night. By the 4th night he was pissed off that he had "paid to take [me] on this trip and [I] wasn't being accomodating". He got more and more demanding. He flat out told me he "deserved" to have sex with me! He was a real jerk about it! Rather than a really great time, it became a degrading experience for me.  Needless to say, we stopped seeing each other after that. \n\nThat was years ago but I learned a lesson. For me: I would never go on a trip with a man unless we were crazy about each other,already in a commited relationship, and had already made love before that trip. I turned down several trips, but I did not want to be in that position ever again! Yuck!I did not go on a trip with a man again until all of my criteria were met, and what a difference! It was worth the wait.\n\nI commend you for being a virgin. it's a rare thing these days. If you are not ready to lose your virginity, don't!\n\nJust because a man pays for a trip, no woman "owes" a man sex in exchange. I have asked several men (yes, all kinds, including wealthy, well educated, well-mannered upper class men, like the man I had gone on that ill-fated trip with) about this and unfortunately many men seem to think that accepting the invitation of going on a trip is some unspoken code for "there will be vacation sex." They assume "the woman knows [he] wants sex on a trip." So don't go unless you want that too.\n\nYou do what feels right for YOU, not your boyfriend. If he really loves you, he will not pressure you. He will understand. If he doesn't, then break it off. You are special and need to be with someone who truly understands and appreciates you. Good luck!
473426
First of all, it's not you, it's him.  Do not take this personally.\nI understand that you must be feeling violated, insulted, victimized, and that you might be lacking something.  Do not allow yourself to take ANY responsibility for HIS actions.  YOU have NOTHING to do with HIS problem (any more than you would have control over a cocaine addiction or something like that).\n\n\nWhen the new relationship chemical overproduction subsides (adrenaline, dopaine, norepenepherine, endorphins) and give way to different chemicals that promote long-term acceptance and comfort, people miss the "rush" and instead of doing something about it (exercise together, continued dating and flirting with each other) they sometimes seek that feeling elsewhere.\n\nThis is why serial daters never stay in relationships long, and players avoid relationships alltogether, and some guys become porn addicts.  They are addicted to that "rush".\n\nIt's wrong and it lacks integrity, to seek fulfillment outside a relationship.  Why would someone do this to the one they love?  Maybe they want to "get back at" their partner in a passive-aggressive way because they fear confrontation.  Maybe they feel inadequate or emasculated, and don't know how to ask for what they need.  Maybe they figure that they will be rejected if they do.  Maybe they need to feel more powerful and attractive, and having an affair in their back pocket gives them that feeling.  Maybe they are too insecure about who they really are, so they fear the emotional intimacy that comes with relationsips.\n\nWhatever the case, I would not forgive him or tolerate it.  I would raise my standards if I were you.  If he was able to justify his behavior in his own mind (more than once) then he doesn't "get it" and he never will.  It is all about HIM, what HE needs, what HE wants, and what HE thinks he deserves.  it will never be about you.  That is what being with a narcissistic person is about.  If you stay with him, you condone it.\n\nWomen are biologically pre-programmed to fear abandonment, because before modern civilization, it meant a death sentance.  Today, women are just fine on their own and thriving.  \n\nJust think about how great it would be if you raised your standards, and you only bothered with a man who was so good to you, that you felt like bragging to all your friends about him?\n\nHis behavior doesn't match what he says to you.  DUH.  It is both an insult to your intelligence, but also disrespectful to your ability to cope with truth.\n\nPeople lie for two reasons.  1-they are ashamed because they know they have wronged, and 2-because they themselves cannot handle the consequences of the truth.\n\nYou deserve better than to sit there and wait for HIM to decide what YOU are going to do with YOUR life.  Move on and quit worrying about him, and start taking care of YOU from now on.
112046
why were u with him for so long??\ni've seen couples like this. they usually stay together.\nwhy? - don't ask me; i hate feeling trapped! - but that's just me...\nif it works for u -ok!\nif it doesn't - cut him loose!!\n...although after all this time u're probably used to him and feelin' safe\nur choice..
186216
I'm really sorry that you feel this way.  First and foremost, you have to look after your own health.  Try to lose the weight.  Don't change the amount of food you eat, just make it healthy food.\nI'm not sure how accepting you are of his flirting and visiting porn sites but I would have a complete cow!!!  I can tell that you love him so, ultimately you must decide what is best but, to me, it doesn't sound like he has a whole lot of respect for your feelings.\nLose the weight.  You are the one that will be there your whole life.  You will have to deal with it.  A lot of health problems can crop up because of weight issues.  Do what is right for you.\nTell him that you still want to look good, for him, but, you are worried about your health.  Ask his opinion and see how he responds.  If your well-being is a priority to him it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
360623
You say in your profile that you are sexy....and intelligent.\nSo show some intelligence. He is not your soul mate - you are his sold -mate... bought and sold good and proper. \n\nWhat is this 'love'? A reaction to the way he is mis-treating you? Does it align with how you were treated in the past? \n\nIf this were true 'soul-love' there would be no question. He is clearly lacking in integrity... the girlfriend with kids are not being properly looked after, and neither are you. If he leaves them for you - how could you trust him. \n\nThere are plenty of other men around who would be so much better for you. Don't get so lost on the physical attraction, coz that's all this seems to be. Not love... love is reciprocated. This doesn't appear to be. \n\nOkay, so we're only getting a short bit of one side of this, but read all of the comments here, girl... we've all seen enough - on both sides of the gender divide - to know when you are being done over.\nAnd you are. \nLike a kipper.
355532
Sorry, I'm not a lady, but I am a gay man.  Even if I weren't, I think my answer is still universal.  You need to be honest with him first of all.  Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable.  But let him know that it's not anything you'd like to end the relationship over (because trust me, you don't).  It's just that it's something you're not used to and you wanted him to know the truth of the matter because you like to keep the air as clear as possible.  You do like that, right?  \n\nThe fact of the matter is, the human mind can get used to any sight, smell or sound as long as it's not physically damaging your body.  Your mind sees to it that you're uncomfortable around deformities because your mind has a presculpted idea of what a body should look like.  When someone's body does not add up to this idea, your mind will initially not trust it.\n\nIf you get along great, then you need to make your mind get used to this deformity.  Ask him not to hide it so much when you're around, that way you can get used to it.  He will appreciate the effort, and the honesty.
432252
OMG!!!! i am in your shoes in the current moment!!! My guy friend of four years lives in Seattle, but is working out here in California. I so like him, but he only admires me as a friend, he loves to hang out with me, even get advise from me!!! what sucks is tht i recently told him tht i liked him & i feel weird & he's his normal self. i think tht a friend is unconditional, but we are trying to put conditions. i just think tht we have to hang in there & hope tht someone will admire us as, we admire them. sooner or later it will come!!!! Sometimes we as humans want to control, when, where & time. We just need to realize tht the time will come. We kinda have to open ourselves to the world & understand tht our love is One sided. Until then we are just hurting ourselves. they r nt the ones causing pain, we r!!!!! Be strong & hang in there. Somedays are harder than ours. But our time will come. Good Luck!!!!!