I have been with my fiance for almost a year...I love him every much and he is wonderful to me and my kids..but I just dont feel veery attracted to him anymore...when ever he wants to have sex I just look at him like he has lost his damn mind...I think it is because a few weeks back I found out that he had and went and bought some porn and lied to me about it and he has done this more than once so someone tell me what I should do cause I dont want to end things with him but I also want to start having sex with him agian so please help!
131244
He is still the same man as you fell in love with. He is good to you and your kids and thats all that counts. He went and bought some porn, so what, at least he's not cheating with another girl. Porn is an addiction that all of us men have we cant help it. Maybe you can use the porn to brighten up your sex life. It sounds to me as if you have grown comfortable with him instead of wanting to bed him every time you see him. Get some spice back into your love life and spice things up he will love it (and not but porn) and you will reap the benifits too. Hope that helps you out.\n\nJay
319960
There is nothing wrong by being turned on my her.  You should tell her how you feel and how she feels about having sex before marraige.  Just don't make sex the only thing going on in your relationship with her.  If it is based around that then it probably wont work out.  My boyfriend and I were the same way.  We wanted eachother so bad but we waited for about a month.  We are still together and I know that we are inlove.  We might even get married.  Good luck.  I wish there were more guys like you who didn't just look at girls as sex objects and actually cared about thier feelings.  Bravo to you.  I bet she's a real lucky girl.
365540
look I'm a female so I really don't agree with what your trying to do. If you are no longer sexually attracted to your gf then break it off. she has feelings and for you to cheat on her after 1 1/2 yrs you will be pathetic. she trust you and she knows that something has changed that's why she is trying to get the affection from you or put it back into your relationship. sex isn't everything if you don't have someone you love to share it with. I think you really need to think about what your saying and trying to do. If you think your relationship is done then break it off and leave it at that. But if you just want to have sex u and ur gf should do role playing. It will increase the excitement in your relationship and hopefully stray u away from other interest
207186
I hope you're still reading answers.  This is more common than you probably think.  Dr. Phil did an entire episode on this and has an entire section on his website.  After reading many psychology and relationship books and going to 4 years of therapy plus couples counseling with some very renound doctors in Los Angeles, I realized how many people have issues with intimacy.  Sex is intimacy.  Many men result to porn because there is a disassociation with having to get really intimate.  They can just get to the point.  In most societies, men aren't taught how to become intimate (vulnerable).  It's viewed as a weakness.  Only in relationships through a strong women's leadership does a man learn a lot of those behaviors.  I don't think your problem is physical as much as it is emotional and mental.  The categories we fall into as far as priorites are the following: for men it's Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual.  For women it's Emotional, Mental, Physical, Spiritual.  you can see that we are clearly programmed different.  The key is trying to find a good balance.  Trying to get in touch with each other's vulnerabilities.  I totally disagree with the comment of look at it with him.  That only distances you more.  Not an option.  You have to gently lead him and teach him (without him realizing he's being taught) how to get into the mental and emotional part of intimacy (sex).  You can do this several ways:  when you're NOT in bed, ask him "what was the worst thing an old girlfriend did to you?"  this gives you insight into his fears or insecurities and then acknowledge that that couldn't have been easy for him.  Second: what do you like most about sex?  Really important to pick up clues here.  He will either describe very physical things OR things like "I like to see you naked, I like to touch, I like this, that".  This says that he is in touch with the mental-good!  And learn to play on those likes.  Also, do not feel ashamed to say "listen, I have to say that it bothers me when you look at porn because I feel inadaquate as a women, I feel like I'm not good enough, I feel threatened that I can't measure up and I'd really like you to stop".  The Harville Hendrix book (NY Times best seller and on Oprah all the time) is a fabulous book.  changed my life, Oprah's and many others!!!
252436
I think some people get to a point in a relationship that they aren't worried about sex, they're close enough without having so much of that type of bonding. That's one possibility.\nAnother could be, sorry if I hurt your feelings, that she isn't attracted to you anymore, or she could be tired of the "same ol' thing". Do you guys spice it up in bed, or is it the same old missionary position. \nMy boyfriend and I had this problem, we brought toys in the bedroom, and its never been as good as it is now.\nJust ask her, I can keep giving o you ideas about what could be wrong, but I don't know what going on in her head, and I'm only getting one side of the story. Just talk to her, if you know or have a feeling that it might be she tired of the same thing, ask her about trying some new things
258699
You have to decide is this forever problem.. or a "Im just not feeling it" problem.\n\nIs the root of the problem.. you.. him... outside inclunces.\n\nIf you are not feeling it.. and then not being there for him in the bedroom.. things will become damaged.\n\nMen very very often equate love to sex.  Right or wrong.. its a reality.   If you are able to share yourself with him, then you will at least give him a belief that things are ok.\n\nIf you think the problem is not a forever, then I would recommend having relations..but also let him know there is a problem.. and try to work with him about it.\n\nIf you think its all over, then stop the sex and get yourself out the door to move things to where youw ill be happy.\n\nIts better for him and its better for you.  You don't want to be feeling like a "whore" having sex with someone you do not love just for a life.  (Please understand I am not saying you should feel like that.. but that is the natrual next feeling).
593622
if he's yr fiance you should be able to talk to him about it...Has it always happened, if it itches or does he still feel like he has to pee after he's done peeing? Talk about it... and humans can contract things from years ago and they just don't feel it's THAT bothersome so they live with it and it can become "Normal" for them.  But you need to have it checked out for both of you... You want to be healthy and you want yr man to be healthy!  No blaming, no accusing (like some of the responses  your gonna get)
583688
Please hear me out!\nGET OVER IT! \nPlus dump the guy you are with now while you are "getting over it".  It was not fair of you to drag him into a relationship knowing full well you got it bad for the last one.\nBUT FIRST...\nIs it the actual guy you are into or the sex you used to have?\nLemme find out your d*#k whipped.\nIf this is the case please remember that your current sex life is what you as a woman make it.\nIf you are not giving the relationship your all that will definitely play out in the bedroom.\nKisses!
145400
My answer to you... don't do it.  Think about what you have with your fiance.  And think about your child.  Physical attraction always fades with time, but LOVE is forever.  It only grows with time.  What's your priority?
509731
I can totally relate to where you're coming from. I am also happily married to an amazing guy who sounds a lot like your husband - attractive, sweet, dependable. Yet I sometimes think about other guys I've been with (even brief relationships from back in high school!) or develop big crushes on guys I meet (see my latest post for details). \n\nI can also give you advice as someone who has followed her feelings and tried to "have it all" and the cake, too. A few years ago, I had a very brief affair - which I then confessed to my husband (also detailed in an earlier post). I was very fortunate that he forgave me, and now almost 4 years later we have a child together. The thing is, the affair totally wasn't worth it. Not only did I hurt my husband, who has been my best friend for 10 years, but I went through an emotional hell (and a deep depression).\n\nI can see a lot of similiarities in our situations because I am religious also. That can cause even more angst when these sexual feelings arise, because you feel so much guilt from them. What I've come to recognize is that the feelings are normal, but you just need to be careful not to act on them. It's OK to think about other people from time to time, to fantasize as long as you don't start spending all your energy wanting it to come true. \n\nIn your case, since you've been with this other guy in the past, it would be really easy to fall into it again. My advice is to stay away from him. Enjoy the memories of the exciting sexual moments you've shared in the past, and remember that you're an attractive person to other guys. Use it to boost your confidence and feel good about yourself, just don't act on it. Hope that helps! :-)
173032
You weighed 255lbs when you married your husband obviously  found you attractive...It doesn't really seem like he is being a pig but more or less supportive. I applaud you for trying to lose weight because that is extremely difficult especially when you feel as though your husband is losing interest. My fiance and I have been together three years and in the beginning we had sex everyday now maybe twice a month. It's not that we aren't attracted to each other anymore but with stress, work, family and alot of other things we are just to tired. Stay motivated your husband just doesn't seem to know exactly how to encourage you without you becoming discouraged. If I tell her she needs to diet then she'll feel unattractive but if i tell her she is fine the way she is then I am not being supportive of her diet. Basically he's trying and so are you...Good Luck!
186216
I'm really sorry that you feel this way.  First and foremost, you have to look after your own health.  Try to lose the weight.  Don't change the amount of food you eat, just make it healthy food.\nI'm not sure how accepting you are of his flirting and visiting porn sites but I would have a complete cow!!!  I can tell that you love him so, ultimately you must decide what is best but, to me, it doesn't sound like he has a whole lot of respect for your feelings.\nLose the weight.  You are the one that will be there your whole life.  You will have to deal with it.  A lot of health problems can crop up because of weight issues.  Do what is right for you.\nTell him that you still want to look good, for him, but, you are worried about your health.  Ask his opinion and see how he responds.  If your well-being is a priority to him it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
502058
Maybe he is having problems preforming and he is insecure about it. I am 20 and my husband is 34 and we have been together for 2 years. Sometimes you still love each other and you still find one another attractive, but you just need a break from the sexual part of the relationship. Are you feeling pressure from the idea of marriage? Are you both stressed out in any way more than usual, maybe from planning a wedding? It all factors in, as long as you still love each other, it's OK. Sex isn't everything.
487512
It seems to me that you should value your fiances advice; I can understand if it makes you a little uncomfortable, but it is possible that maybe your man can help you resolve this issue entirely, or at least find peace with the matter so that it doesn't eat at you. The best thing to do is to pray about it, and talk with him openly and honestly about the matter, keeping an open mind.
382001
at some point something happened,,it may have been because of the baby,,not in a bad way but some men do go off on a tangent after the birth,,,saying he doesnt know why and doing it anyway may just be him thinking it is better to hide the real reason than hurt you with it,,,you have to tell him it is the not knowing why that really hurts,,the porn isnt really a problem but it is something involving his reasoning. get him to see he can and for the sake of your relationship just spit it out,,dont keep it bottled up and put your mind at rest,,if you and he are not sleeping together it will start to cause communication problems within the marriage and he at least needs to come to bed,,it is important for the sake of the emotional connection you have,,it will start to suffer as not considering how it effects you and him will become a habit and it will effect your usual routines,,the way you talk to each other,,the way you just interact with each other,,the way we think of 'we' instead of 'i'. if this does go on without him saying anything to you ,,you may just start to feel 'whats the point,,i feel single anyway' and the end result wont be any different than it is now.
420618
The question to ask is whether your or his sex lives are unfulfilling.  Does he return to this online porn/webcams because he feels the sex with you just isn't that phenomenal?  If he enjoys your sex but just likes doing these other things, I don't see the problem, unless it affects YOU- i.e. you feel your sex life suffering because of his pornographic predilections.\n\nSome people do, indeed, become addicted to pornography, and it becomes a problem when it interferes with their lives or they can only be sexually aroused when using these materials.  Otherwise, it's just something he likes to do.  Still, it seems to be upsetting you, so the thing to do- the best thing, always- is to talk to him about it.  Don't set down an ultimatum or forbid him from doing it, just try to find out why he does it, express your feelings about it to him, and go from there.
603526
That is normal to feel this way at the age of 18. It is something new to your life and it feels good. I'm glad that you stay with your boyfriend and that he is there for you most of the time.Masturdating when he is not there is o.k. but fantasizing about a threesome is not healthy. Sex is one on one two people in Love.But remember there is more to Love than just having sex together learn and discover each others interest. Take on more responsibilties in your life you won't be thinking about sex all the time.Love your boyfriend but Love him for more than just sex. It is normal to behave this way at 18, but it is unhealthy as to much sex drains alot of nutrients from the body as you get older it can cause health problems as well as not having enough sex. Once a day is healthy twice a day if you are young. But find other interest. If you have uncontrolable desires, start a hobby or full time job to take your mind off sex for a while. Also eat a healthy diet with lots of vegetables avoid sugar and alcohol these will also drain nutrients out from your body. Good Luck