I have tried to find solace in asthetics and in intellectualism, but they are no different than my experiments with alcohol and drugs. There is no real answer. The only way I can cope is to ignore the situation of how hopeless it all is. And it is all so utterly hopeless. Oh God, humanity is doomed once life's secret is exposed!
124236
Get a girlfriend,dare to feel it all,trust the ride of life.And remember,there is no future,only the present.
479723
I feel this way too.. One voice in a big world. Lets keep trying maybe the world will wake up someday? Keep the faith and love alive :)
449142
This life's struggles seem  to be "not worth it".\n\nA struggle within to reconcile the goodness of God with the visceral images of death and hate and disease all around us.\n\nThe wish to be able to live as a child all you life and escape the madness of people and their agendas.\n\nLacking that, let's just die.
259064
dude, been there, done that. if you're on here talkin bout it, you aren't gonna do it. i tried, and failed, twice. once with asprin and paracetamol, the other time with ecstacy and ketamine. both times i was found and had my stomach pumped before it worked. i always wonder why i tried it, wether it was work, family, friends, drugs or some other factor that made me want to kill myself. sometimes i wish they had just let me die, other times i am glad they didnt.only you can make the choice kid, are things really as bad as they seem? are u doing drugs? do you need this girl to live? or is it just teenage angst against the world, like everybody goes through? think about it.
327222
God does not have the answer. The world really is cruel and unjust. Hang in there.
310840
You are not lost at all because you are here right now. I am truly sorry for the tragedies that you have suffered, on the bright side you are truly a survivor. And your life's journey is far from over.Develop the coping skills you already have and you will be just fine.Dont be afraid or feel guilty of being happy because for once you deserve it.God bless and good luck.I hope for many great things for you.
490207
You my dear are on the right path, we are only here for healing, we can walk on water, but need not to be reborn ,only to open our eyes. May I suggest a book called Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard. I assure you , you will find the exact answerer's in there.     I hope you stay on this path, for you will go  far, this I can promise you.      \n\n                             I AM
604201
It is very sad. Anyone who does a good amount of reading on ethics will know better. Christians tend to not read good books. They just accept the beliefs they were raised with and stick to them out of loyalty, fear, and familiarity. A lot of people don't like to think that what their parents taught them was wrong. A lot of people also have a very hard time dealing with mortality without a belief in a Heaven and benevolent god waiting for them. The truth is, we really just do not know what happens. There could be a deeper purpose to our being here. There could of been an intelligence behind what is. I would never say there definitely is or is not. On the same token though I can see the works or man from a mile away. The Bible wreaks of man, and all his fears. It's far too obvious that a god had nothing to do with what's in that book. I can can spot it just like I can spot the hand writing of a three year old. It's a shame others have such a hard time seeing this. I think this goes beyond their intelligence or lack thereof. It comes from a much deeper emotional issue. To lose faith in God would be akin to losing meaning to everything and that would leave them horribly broken and lost. It's too bad they can't see the other alternatives. One can lead a very spiritual life without placing belief in ridiculous claims.
255730
starcameo,\n\nI am very surprised and pleased that you have admitted your struggle in such a public forum. The fact that you are open minded in your search for truth is great.\n\nI am hesitant to offer advice because if you conduct a legitimate search for truth, you will find it. I searched for truth myself. Since I found the truth, I have confined my search for truth to the Bible and to God Himself. After all, it doesn’t make sense to search in all the other places any more because I have already found the truth.\n\nThis is the only advice that I will give you. Find a place where you can be alone and ask God out loud if He is real to reveal Himself to you. Then wait. It could be immediate – it could be a while, but God wants to know you much more than you want to know Him. He may send people across your path, or He may approach you in some supernatural way, but He will reach out to you if you ask Him to. If you are really desperate to find God, just go ahead and ask Jesus to save you.\n\nPlease contact me when God reveals Himself to you, and let me know how He did it. At that point, if you like, I can tell you the best ways to renew your mind.\n\nGod bless.
476606
I had similar thoughts at your age and found that I was not open to the answers that I was given. Part of my psychi led me to look for easy answers.There is no easy answers when it comes to life. A good place to start is with a well known book that will teach you how to best use the full capacity of you're brain.It will give you a base from which to safely explore your questions. The bible is so much more than people believe it to be.Don't let the beliefs of others impeade you're progress towards happiness.
254881
First off don't be discouraged at all of the hateful responses you'll see posted. They just haven't see God's love yet. Pray for them.\n\nAs for me, to make it brief because it's kind of long, I was instantly healed physically from the damage that alcohol abuse done to me. I was never interested in God or the whole "religious" thing until one day I went to my cousins church and they prayed for me and I was delivered in an instant! It was truly a miracle. Ever since then (June 9th, 2002) I haven't had a sip of alcohol and have completely devoted my entire life to serving Him. I cannot fully express the joy I have experienced in these almost four years of walking with Jesus. But I know I still have a lot of work to do for Him.  God Bless You amanda2008 God be with you.
144389
No, I know its hard for the ignorant people to believe because they are blinded by religious indoctrination, If there is any proof of an after life no one has seen it unless they were tripping out on acid or some other hallucinogen. People need to realize that there is nothing beyond our lives and we must do our best to better the human race instead of fighting wars in the name of "god". Because after this we only rot.
189808
i am so there and have been there for soooo long. i feel for you. and i am married and he gets mad when i flip out and have an anxiety attack or cry for 6 hours straight. Once he finds out I haven't been taking the med he thinks I dont WANT to get better. Depression is the most isolating thing in the world. counselors take forever to get around to telling you that they cant really help...it sucks. But hang in there and I recommend you get a personal relationship with Jesus. The after life is our only hope. Suicide sends you to hell. Hang in there, be strong and know that there will come aday when you and I and so many others will feel  better- for eternity. If you are dont believe I hope you will at least give it a chance. If you do, i hope you will know the devil causes the bad stuff, not God. (I struggle with that, but in my heart I know it is true...) Add me to your messenger if you want to talk ever country_grl_ky  I swear when I read your question I was like "wow. that is me, exactly" Best of luck to you either way and please hang on to the hope. I know when most days are bad, it is so hard to keep on going knowing you have "never" been happy and thinking you arent normal or that you might never feel happy....but it is not true. And try to take your medicine. I do the same thing and I dont know why either. But we should take it.
659655
I could not agree with you more.  I think the morals in our society have plummeted to an all time low.  All you can do is (when you have children), raise them right and hope they continue on to make a difference in the world ahead of them.  You are not alone.  I hope you find some awesome woman who shares the same concerns as you so you will not feel so alone.  I know you said that you are agnostic, but some churches might have volunteer groups where you could make a difference with a whole bunch of people like yourself (except the God part).
210230
We all die. There's no way around it. Its like a story that you want to write and you have how it begins and you know that its going to end in a final way somehow. Now what do you do put into the middle? You know the old saying,'Do the most with what you have available to you.' Life is temporary, everything is temporary. Life is an oppurtunity to improve yourself. If you dont believe in reincarnation or an afterlife, 'an oppurtunity to improve yourself' might not make any difference. We have theories about what state people are in before and after life, but none of these are absolutely proven. We have a better idea about the nature of life, so that can be something to focus on. I have this theory that 'there is no limit to how bad things can get'. This helps me because I know that the negative has unlimited options and I know that I could spend my whole life floating in uncertainty and vagueness, having no focus, should I direct my attentions to negativity.  Positives are more limited and easier to focus on. Thats just my take on it, it may just be mumbo jumbo to you. There is another way. You know that you can find enjoyment and pleasure in life. Seek them, but try not to cause others to suffer as you do so. Life might just be for fun and your body an amusement park. If life has no point, it is still a matter of character to treat others with dignity and grace. The Golden Rule and all that. \nhttp://subgenius.com\nhttp://slackoff.blogspot.com
559049
Yes...and know of others who did as well...the stuff is handed out like candy, we all want a quick fix, or to believe we are messed up and need help... but really, we need our loving friends and family, physical activity, creative outlets (journalling, art, ) and maybe sharing with others in a supportive setting. You are not alone here! I never went higher than the 34.5 starter dose, experienced panic attacks, more anxiety and irrational thinking than ever...I just realized I needed to accept whatever apin I was going through, grieve, weep, heal and move on. I tossed the stuff and went to a homeopath instead...and keep active! Natural endorphins will get you through in the end...best wishes.
660025
I was actually excited when I first read a write-up on this in Newsweek a little over a year ago. It finally made me make sense. In my huge, very intellegent and entirely atheistic family I always felt that I had some sort of horrible disease that made me believe in a god. I tried to reason with myself and I tried to change myself- all those things that you hear homosexuals say about grappling with the way they are, but it wasn't a logical thing. It wasn't something I could kill with reason. The only other person in my family who believes in any kind of god was my grandmother. The possibility that I suffer from a recessive gene is the only way my "stupidity" makes sense to me.