My husbud drinks too much and likes girls too much, granet he dose not cheat, but I hate his drinking, what should I do? I need some advice.
132445
"you just try to give him more and more love that he will forget everything."\n\n"Oh if I just love him enough, he'll love me then he'll change" NOT!!!! I'm sorry but that train of thought has trapped countless people in abusive and co-dependant relationships.\n\nYou loving him is not going to make him stop drinking. But if you confront him about his drinking, and he makes the decision to stop, then you can be there to love and support him during his rehabilitation.\n\nIf you tell him how much it bothers you and he just blows you off, then it's time to make a decision.  Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?  Alcoholism only gets worse not better.\n\nRemember, you can't fix him. Only he can choose how he is going to live his life. All you can do is take care of yourself and be there to help him if he needs it. (and helping doesn't mean holding his head while he pukes)
252806
He's shy. Sometimes your true feelings come out when you drink. Don't worry, just keep loving him and one day he'll be brave enough to tell his feelings to you too.
316228
First of all remind him that he told you this stuff when he was drunk. He will either apologize to you or tell you that's how he really feels. If you confront him about it by asking him what he was trying to prove by telling you this when he was drunk; he will be in a position to either deny it or confirm it. If he does tell you that he remembers and meant it, then you can tell him how you feel. Good Luck!
569406
Honey, you are not overreacting at all.  This man does not respect you.  I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling.  Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years.  You've lost yourself in this relationship.  I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man.  He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature.  You stooped to his level.  What you should do is leave.  It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man.  Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.  \n\nI don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder.  I speak from experience.  I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man.  And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband.  I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day.  Why should I live with that, and why should you.  \n\nHow dare he stop you from working if you want to work.  That's a way of him staying in control of you.  Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there.  Start planning your way out.  You will be so happy when you find yourself again.  And don't forget, God is there for you.  Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.
315423
You can't change him only yourself. He has to see the problem for himself or he will not be able to do the work to really quit, he will just become a good liar and hide it from you. Alcoholism is a disease. I am an alcoholic so I know. I just got two years sober through the fellowship of A.A. I know you care about him but the best thing you can do for him is to back off. Let him experience all the consequences of his drinking so that when he does quit he will never again think to himself "oh, I wasn't that bad" Make sure you are not enabling his behavior. Definitely don't try to control it or he will just resent you. If you really want to help him start by helping yourself. Find a local Alanon meeting and see what they have to say. It is filled with the family and friends of alcoholics and they know how to disengage with love. Good luck!
215012
Oh boy...you need to just leave him. He's playing mind games with you so you won't leave life is way too short to stay in a relationship out of pity and guilt. If you make the first step in leaving him maybe he will clue in that you are serious.Leave him a letter explaining why you have left as well as some Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlets maybe he will clue in and get help and if you feel like things could be worked out seek counselling alone as well as with him. I have a Friend who went through a similar situation and she finally left the guy and he used to say he'd kill himself if she left...well she left and he's still alive.He too has a major drinking problem but won't admit to it. It's really sad, I think, that anyone would chose booze over their spouse.try your best to get him help but don't do all the footwork for him make him see that he's hurting you and leave asap.
570994
MAybe try therapy.\nand quit drinking.
604283
HI THERE!\n\nFOR A CHANGE CAN YOU GO AND DRINK JUST FOR ONCE INFRONT OF HIM AND GET REALLY DRUNK\n\nTELL HIM AS MUCH AS HE WILL DRINK YOU WILL DRINK TWICE\n\nIAM SURE HE WONT LET YOU DRINK TWO GLASS\n\nIF HE DOESNT STOP YOU AND PROMISES HE WONT DRINK AGAIN THAN THAT WOULD MEAN HE DOESNT LOVE YOU SO YOU BETTER CHANGE YOUR FONE # AND TELL YOUR PARENTS THAT IF HE COMES NEAR YOUR HOUS ETHEY SHOULD CALL THE POLICE
41810
sure sounds like a drinking problem's probably the 'real' problem. He sounds inhibited, and the drinking at least for a time lowers his fears, nervousness, insecurity, inhibition, guilt or whatever levels ... addictive behavior...do you honestly believe that your honest feelings are at fault? Sounds difficult, complicated...and, perhaps, getting worse. Whether he's having 'commitment phobias' or just expecting you to do as he says, or whatever he's perhaps not discussing, he sounds 'out of control', but he wants to 'be in charge'...something in him might be feeling ashamed, low self-esteem/image, and, he's demanding that you follow his routine, with implied not much room for spontaneity, let alone you feeling love(-d), safe (at peace, unperturbed) and valued -- but, how can he value you, if he's troubled about who he is -- or, why else drink/escape, and then try to use sex with such timing, like drunk clockwork. It sounds like your feelings are good, clear, trying to communicate...your feelings are innocent, your true companions/guides...BEST WISHES...in finding (out) your way(-s)
141308
You have a problem here.  You need to tell her how you feel.  How much she hurts you and how it hurts you to see her abuse alcohol.  She had a drinking problem and needs help.  As long as you continue to spend time with her, she will hurt you.  In a minor way, you are an enabler for her because you do nothing to stop her.  Yes she has a self control problem.  If she doesn't listen to you or gets defensive about it, tell her that until she gets her act together, you just can't spend any more time with her.  Tell her that she embarasses you, injures you and hurts you deeply within.  Tell her that until she can give you the respect, consideration and friendship that you have been giveing her, you can't afford to spend the energy and emotion on a losing cause...that she is draining you emotionally and physically.  Otherwise, she will keep using you (that is what she is doing) and abusing you.  It is tough to do this and she may get mad and be verbally hostile to you, but it is for her own good...and yours.  Good luck.
196946
NO.  If you're unhappy enough to drown your sorrows in drink while blaming him, then this relationship is already over.  Sober up and get on with your life.
448139
Be direct and force a choice.  You stated he is your boy friend.  \nThe choice will be to stop his abuse of alcohol or you will dump him.  I know this sounds harsh but you have the advantage now of not being married to him.  If you two do not have any children between you then this is yet another incintive to be assertative now.\nIf he refuses to stop his abuse of alcohol after you let him know how much it upsets you then he is not for you.  The heartache and problems that come from a disfunctional relationship only grows much more worse the longer you stay in that abusive relationship. Just imagine the grief, the financial hardship, and the emotional toll this relationship will have on you if he chooses alcohol over your pain from his destructive actions?\nAs one phrase says, "You can see the hand writing on the wall."\nDo not be gullable.  Do not allow yourself to be minipulated.  Either he will be willing to get some help concerning his alcohol problem or he will love that alcohol more than you.
303381
alcohol makes a person do things he/she wouldn't normally do. I think you're mistaken about him. Listen to him, believe and obey him, and help him stop drinking then prove yourself! You're just confused and need more self esteem.
247245
dear,\ni have been(in a way I'm still) for 5 years with a man who had, more or less, the same problem.I told me that he cannot be happy if he was going out and not drinking . So...when we were out with a group of friends, after a while the alcohol was more important than me.\nI don't remember how many times I left a place alone, leaving him there already drunk.\nThe point is: do u deserve this?\nNo darling, u deserve much more than a stupid man who cannot be happy without his drinking!find a man who is there for you!
554650
I'm a woman and I'm an American and I don't drink till morning.  I don't go drinking with guys.  That is crap.  That is her.  Non of my friend do either.  My husband doesn't drink till early in the morning or I would kick his butt.  We might drink 2 beers on the weekends.  She is a drunk and is going to destroy her liver.  I don't know how to say this nicely to you....but dump her.  You don't want a drunk.\n\nP.S.  It sounds like she is one of those college kids that they do stories on that end up killing themselves with alcohol.  Every year there is some college kid that drinks themself to death.  Do you want that to be your woman?
156159
The question isn't about whether or not he's an alcoholic. That's besides the point. The real issue is that his habits are preventing him from being a responsible, reliable husband and father. What happens if you decide to have a few drinks while relaxing at home one day? Who will pick up the kids then? Who will buy the groceries to feed the family? What if an emergency comes up and both of you are too intoxicated to drive? Why is it fair that he can lounge around and drink, leaving all of the responsibilities to you? You need to have a long, serious talk with him. Don't make the issue out to be that he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics are in denial and that will only infuriate him. Make the issue to be that his "habits" are preventing him from helping you with the daily household responsibilities.
30320
Have you considered dumping him? That'll fix him for sure.... Unless you are fond of passing out drunks who treat you poorly. Just a thought.