There was a man with a 2 year old child, who went to his friend priest to brag. "Friend! Look at my child, he can talk clearly now, but guess what, hes only 2 years old!",said the man. To the priest's amazement, he said "Really? Well, my little humble angel, will you speak to me?". "F-Ü-C-K YOU CHEAP SON OF A B-I-T-C-H", the Two year old boy said. The priest lost consciousness because of the child's horrific act. The man scolded his child for doing such act. After 3 months, they went back to this priest to "confess" for all the sins he had, including the child. Afterwards, he began bragging again. "Friend! My child can count numbers now! Please listen to him?",,"Oh no no thank you! That child is a son of Lucifer!" said the friend priest,,"Oh please? Just once? Theres nothing bad in counting though...",,"Oh...alright. Can you count my child?" said the priest. "Okay" the boy said. "One Two Three Four Five Sex Seven Eight Nine Ten Jack Queen King Ace!"
135187
well on a sacle of one to ten it is a 10 but it is more like an 100  I got it is funny because I a progarm that will read to me and I use it just for jokes like this one... IT is great!!!! and the counting think tha this is how my uncle counted
111549
don't worry. its actually satanist for people to say all these hurtful words.. god (regardless of your religion) don't teach ppl to talk bad about others. whatever you believe.. rest assured this, you don't do bad.. you don't go to hell. guess i won't be seeing you after i die.. tata.
230551
I have always thought that was an absurd thing myself.  How can an innocent child be damned like that?  Personally, I did not have my child baptized.  I have taught her to be open minded and if SHE wants to explore getting baptized into a religion of HER choice, she can do that when SHE deems to.
240464
To daredevil pup:  of course that's not God.  That's the EYE of God.  Actually, the sixth eye of God, I guess.\n\nMr. Eye of God:  I can't speak for others, but I forsake your Son for a very good reason:  it was his turn to buy at the pub over the weekend and he "forgot" his wallet.  Something about not having any pockets in his white robe where he could put a wallet.  Frankly, I'm just a little sick of that excuse!
435065
go to hell   L.O.L....very funny i liked it.... what do you think about this one ; A woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs her somewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on. "Oh, that," he says, "that's just the woman in front of you. They are drilling holes in her back to attach her wings." The woman is still a bit upset by this and is pondering her position when the screaming starts again. This time it is louder and more blood curdling than before. She calls St. Peter over again to find out what is happening to the woman now. "Oh, that," he says, "they're just drilling holes in her head to attach the halo." The woman decides that she wants out and tells St. Peter that she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell. "Are you sure you want to go there?" he says. "It's a terrible place, you'll end up getting sodomized and raped and even worse!" "That's okay" says the woman, "I already have the holes for that!"
383322
the "Passion" was a kids version of what truly happened. it was so brutal that it could not be shown on TV or movies. it was so painful before they were put on the cross, it was a miracle that He did not die before the cross. first, he was spat upon and his beard was torn out by his own people. then he was whipped with a stick. he was taken before pilate. then he was sripped naked and whipped by the "cat and nine tails" which had peices of metal and glass that tears the skinn off. they whipped him thirty-nine times. then he was robed in purple and a crown of thorns was forced onto his head. the thorns were the length of common nails and as thin as a pine needle. they were so sharp that they went through his scull. then he was forced to carry his cross which would have weighd something near five hundred pounds. he had to carry it throu the streets ant to the mount called golgotha which was a good ten kilometers from the roman post in the city. once there, he had his clothes ripped off him once more and was forced to hold out his arms where nails the length of railroad spikes were driven into his hands and feet. then they raised the cross into the hole whre it dropped two to three feet. he was nude, bleeding, almost unrecognizable, and was mocked by both his people and the romans. what you did not see in the movie was that all the sin of the world was brought onto Jesus and he died from the weight of that sin.
152450
he's homeschooled and has no friends. so his parents have been pumping the bible into his head for too many years. he has the makings of a sociopath.
245540
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.\n\n"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. "The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"\n\n"Moses," Replied the bird.\n\n"Moses" the burglar laughed.\n\n"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"\n\nThe bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!
463911
Don't worry, it's a short read:\nhttp://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/says_about/pedophilia.html
34002
Wow, that's probably the most blatant blasphemy I've ever heard. The reason God turned his back on His Son for that brief moment was because Jesus was carrying sins of the world (past, present, and future - yours included!) on Himself, and God cannot be in the presence of sin - it's contrary to His perfect nature. Yes, it's a mystery that I won't understand completely until I get to heaven, but it's also what makes the plan of salvation so beautiful. Jesus was willing to momentarily sacrifice his relationship with His own father so that we could have eternal life. Jesus paid for our sins on the cross, making us perfect in the sight of God if we accept His sacrifice and put our faith in Him. The agony of Jesus's separation from His Father was what prompted Him to cry out "Father, why have you forsaken Me?" Jesus already knew the answer - it was rhetorical.
586835
Jesus also said that we are to forgive... seven times seventy-seven.  You're not your dad and I'm sorry that he's done these things, not just to you but to other people.  It sounds like he needs some major help and maybe he'll get it in prison, but it's God's job to judge and condemn (but it's easy for us to do).  I hope you learn from your dad and are a better person because of it.
630883
This one is on the front page at eBaumsWorld.com: \nMike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown." Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"
660020
Yeah, your all going to hell. I just sent my son, to see if you would fall for it (getting into heaven). I only let in the most hot girls, and a few butlers. Why would I want to share? .... love, god
283267
sadly your friend is the victom of a good christian upbringing! jesus brought the word of love and pease. man, invented a religion! in this religion a bunch of wackoos got together and dreamed up a lot of sick ideas and made them law. so for 2000 years people fearing eternal damnation have followed these sick laws. now that people have out grown the need for self punishment, a lot of these sick ideas are now criminal offences. for example, your freind was referring to the old addage, "spare the rod, spoil the child" this means you can beat the hell out of your children and feel good about it because," GOD demands it!"  now days, IT'S CALLED CHILD ABUSE!!  a hopfully  the bitch will get turned in and have to sit her ass in jail or at least have her kid taken away from her! don't you just love that old time religion?
477222
watching the video made me sick to my stomach. i can't answer why he made that joke. it is something you would have to ask him yourself. i believe all people are to be loved and not singled out because they live contrary to what the bible says. to be honest, i'm just speechless as to a pastor behaving in such a manner.
154718
Jillian was at her wit's end...\n\nShe had two sons, named Zack and Nick, and they were always in trouble. They were beating up the neighbor kids, stealing candy at the store, and wrecking the house almost on a daily basis. And they were only 5 and 7 years old.\n\nShe'd tried counselors, teachers, and psychologists to no avail. Finally, she decided to let Father George, from the local Catholic church give it a try. He asked that they be brought to talk to him separately, so she put Zack in the car first, and drove to the church. She took him by the arm, and led him inside to Father George's office, sat him down in the chair opposite the desk, and went back home.\n\nFather George was a big man, about 6' 5", and looked about 8 feet tall to Zack. He sat there in his chair for a while, just looking at Zack, making him uncomfortable. Finally he said, "Where is God?"\n\nZack was obviously a little nervous, and he didn't say anything.\n\nFather George again said, "Where... is... God?" pausing between words to lend a little gravity to the question.\n\nZack, at this point, is visibly shaken, and starting to turn pale.\n\nFather George stood up, planted his boulder-sized fists on the desk, and leaned forward so as to loom over the boy, and boomed, "WHERE... IS...GOD?"\n\nZack jumped up out of the chair, and ran out of the office, whimpering a little as he did.\n\nFive minutes later he comes running in the house, barely able to breathe. He runs upstairs to Nick's room, where Nick is busy breaking the heads off Mom's antique dolls. Zack slams the door shut, and grabs Nick by the shirt, and says, "We're in BIG trouble this time! They've lost God and they think we took him!"
455718
The vicar returned to the rectory complaining bitterly that someone had stolen his bicycle while he'd been out on his parish calls.\n"I've got an idea," replied the verger."This Sunday in church make the Ten Commandments the theme of the sermon and when you get to "Thou shall not steal" watch their faces carefully for any tell-tale signs."\nSo that Sunday the vicar began his sermon but halfway through suddenly dried up and finished early.\n"What happened?" asked the verger later.\n"Well,I was going to do as you suggested but when I got to "Thou shall not commit adultery," I suddenly remembered where I'd left my bicycle."