Would you feel insecure and angry if your boyfriend or husband was always looking at other women? What if you realized that the majority of women he looked at was not of the same race as you? For example, your white, and your man is always eyeing someone of a different race. I think maybe men just fantasize about being with someone totally different from you. If that's the case, why is he even with you? Right?
124357
He may find these women exotic but it does not mean he'll leave you for one.  I see a lot of gorgeous women that I am attracted to but it doesn't mean I'm going to leave my wife for one of them.  It also means I would never settle down with one.  There are qualities about my wife that I found to be more suitable to spend the rest of my life with.  Men are very simple creatures.  After they have sex, sex is off their mind and what's left is reality, a woman you love for her being her or the woman you're done with.  The fact he's with you says he loves you for being you.  What is in question here is his respect for you.  Talk to him about it.
572439
You are much better off without him. Maybe he was nice to you but if he was constantly disrespecting others of your race then that is just hurtful and wrong. And who knows how long it would have taken him to start treating you badly? (And by the way, I am a firm supporter of interracial relationships, so I'm not implying you shouldn't go out with a white guy again.) Hang in there and you'll find a guy who deserves you!\n\n"he cant be to racist if hes into black women"\nWow, that's an ignorant comment. I know this is not a pleasant thing to bring up, but slave masters used to often rape their female slaves. Does that mean they weren't racist? You can think someone is attractive but still feel they're inferior to you.
518006
I think the exact opposite. i could never see myself with someone of a different color. Race,a different story. I am polish/german and my girlfriend is hungarian but we're both white. it is very comfortable. Thats all I can say from my standpoint.
250473
Be ourselves and not allow society to form our opinions or our judgments.  I'm a white girl, but my boyfriend's black.  We're madly in love, and both of our familys accept each of us...because we got to know eachother before making any judgements.  I hear rude stuff all the time, like, "He's a trader," and "Uh-uh, that don't make no sense."  I even get evil glares from white men when we go out...but I don't mind, cuz he's the one that I go home with at night, so that's all that matters.
151372
I check out men everyday. I'm always out and about and I see a lot of men on a daily basis. I don't stare or ogle at them but I definitely check them out. As for fantasies, I have fantasies often too. I don't think women do it less, I just think we're more discreet with it than a lot of men are.
192251
If you're in a trusting relationship, it all depends on expectations.  Obviously, he should respect you enough not to cheat, but if you let him know that you are uncomfortable with his actions, he should care enough about you to at least tone it down.  It's natural to admire people of the opposite (or same, if you swing that way) gender, but it's not okay to be overly gawking if you are in a commited relationship.  I always try to join in on the action by agreeing with him.  Is it enough to know at the end of the day that he's going home with you?
68832
Yes it is normal. I really don't think it is a sin to think other men are attractive.  There are some really attractive guys out there.  But the thing is you care about your boyfriend.  You love your boyfriend, and you will never cheat on your boyfriend... Everyone looks at other people, it is called human nature- My advice is look- just don't lust or derive.
482165
Hmmm, I think this is a falacy.  My boyfriend is Hispanic and I'm Caucasian, and plenty of white guys check me out or hit on me.\n\nMaybe your beauty gap theory is sometimes true, but I definitely don't see it that much to be honest with you.
213319
I think that it's fine to look.  It's not like you're lusting after these women and taking them home.  It's natural to look.  I think that when you do not allow a guy or girl to look at others then it creates more temptation and desire to cheat.  My husband and I look at others together.  Often times I mention the girl before he even has a chance.  People are beautiful and their forms shouldn't be ignored just because you are married.  Looking at others helps to arouse you and help you to appreciate what you have even more.  I say keep on looking.  As long as it's not in excess, and you are providing your girlfriend with all of the love and affection you can muster what does it matter if you catch a glimpse of someone else's butt?  You're going home with her not that miscellaneous rear.
597509
Don't take it personally.  It is NOT against you or have anything to to with YOU.  It is just a natural reaction.\n\n Don't you look at other women too?  I mean, aren't you interested in what they are wearing, how their hair style is, etc.?\n\nIt is natural to look at beauty and (like it or not) women are beautiful.  So don't be so hard on him, if he is a open type of guy ask him what he finds attractive about the person.  Maybe you'll learn more about him.  I am sure he loves you and is thinking he is happy to be with you.
474149
Why are women so arrogant as to think if they are dating someone, that she is the only woman he should ever want to see again naked?\n\nC'mon...geez...porn is harmless (unless it becomes an addiction)...guys are more visual than women and they like to look at naked women...why does this trouble you? It doesn't mean he wants to do the chick in the pic...\n\nDo you not EVER admire a nice looking man when you are in a relationship? NEVER??? If you don't, then you are a rare bird...because it's only human to admire others...\n\n...however if we (and you) admire others while we are dating, we should feel bad right? Because our partner should be all we ever think about or look at in an appreciatively admiring way....right? (wrong)\n\nWhy does this trouble you so? Why are you jealous? Perhaps you should look at why it bothers you and fix those things within  yourself...\n\nHOWEVER the fact that he lied about discarding it is an issue...what else has he lied about? I think you two have bigger issues than porn to deal with.
647144
I noticed that firsthand as well. I can think of four factors to explain that:\n\n1. Because it's unusual. I clearly think it's the dominant factor. Most of the times, people date people from the same "ethnic group". Any relation outside that group tends to attract attention just because it is a rare type of relations and what is rare gets noticed.\nYou can imagine that a couple where the woman is much taller than the man would attract attention for the exact same reason, and no one would suspect "sizism" or any other *ism.\n\n2. "Racial jealousy". I don't know if it's a behaviour selected by evolution or just a culturally aquired one, but people from a specific ethnic group tend to get annoyed if they see one of them "lost" to another ethnic group. \nThis factor might be even more relevant with women. They have long been considered "tradable goods" and they still receive much more social pressure regarding their sexual behaviour than men.\n\n3. Communitarianism. From the minority point of view, such relations can also be seen as "selling out". Might or might not be just the same as factor #2. Some black thinkers suggested that black people dating white people were doing so out of a complex rooted in the period of slavery or colonisation.\n\n4. Just plain racism. Like you can see in some of the answers above, this is obviously a factor. But I tend to think that this is a very marginal one. Might or night not be an extreme version of factor #2 as well.\n\n\nJust to clarify for the few naive persons who think that the whole world has gone Benetton. Interracial relationships *do* attract attention and you just need to be in one to be constantly reminded of that fact.
438072
Yes, it's possible. I'm married to a black woman and I get tired of white women rolling their eyes at her and I. I can't stand white women sometimes, but I'm not sure if that makes me a racist.
274188
To be honest, every guy looks at other girls. I just married and that hasn’t stopped my guy from looking at other girls. It starts a lot of arguments when I say anything. You should never let a guy make you feel ugly or unattractive in anyway. My advice would be to move on. Not everyone is a super model but there is someone out there who will find you beautiful in every way, and never want to hurt you by looking at other girls. It sounds like your situation has lead to low self esteem, and it is really hard to do things for yourself when this happens. But believe it or not you could be happier.
465356
When will we ever reach a stage where these things will stop bothering us? Why are we still hung up on race? When you are dating this guy, why does the thought that it could be a bad thing even occur to you? No its not bad if both party in a relationship are mature enough & sensible about it. But now that you have posted this question, sit back & think if you really are confortable with status quo!
97893
There's no way for this to not be a two-part answer. Firstly, he's right in that it is human nature for males to notice other females *and* for females to notice other males - it's just an animalistic, survival thing.\n\nHOWEVER, it is *exceptionally* disrespectful toward you for him to admit being aroused by looking at other women, or to blatantly look at other women (especially when in your presence.) It is not at all unrealistic of you to be upset by his behavior and ask him to tone it down. He should care enough about your feelings that he won't want to intentionally hurt you by keeping it up.\n\nIf you explain that it hurts your feelings (and probably your self-esteem) when he behaves this way, ask him to be more discreet, and he *still* doesn't bother, it may be time to look into counseling. This is obviously his hang-up, and he may need help to see the effect that his behavior is having on your relationship. Good luck.
579403
I've dated black women.  But it was only til they made the move for me.  Its that whole F-ed up past thing of "master and slave" thing and feelings of guilt. Because of that some white men feel weird in themselves.  So they feel the need to wait for approval of a black woman.  Some black women when I look at them are more shocked and some give me a mean look.  Scare the junk out of me. You know what.  No-one has ever mention that maybe a master did love a slave and vice versa. Very good question and I wish there were more women like you.