I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. The same week I left him I found out I was pregnant. I moved back home and never told anyone about it. (not even my family) I found a job, met a wonderful man & fell in love after a few months. I didn't think it was any of his buisness at first cause I figured he'd just be a temporary fling or a jerk like most the guys I've dated. After there were feelings I was scared to tell the truth cause I thought he'd leave me for sure. I'm a very small girl, so I was able to hide it pretty well. Once I had the baby, my family told him & he showed up at the hospital and told me he'd love me no matter what. I don't really have a specific question, I just want opinions on the crazy subject. If anyone wants more information I will update this every few hours....
129166
Be thankful that you have someone who loves you unconditionally. Stick with him and make sure you keep him happy. There is not alot like him, and it was a blessing to get him. You Go Girl after 5 years of hell you got a good man, a real one at that.
613942
Don't feel unworthy! You're not!!!! Your miscarriage wasn't your fault and there was probably a very good reason why it happened that was beyond your control. Nature will always do the best thing for you and your baby! Don't blame yourself for something you could never control, even if you knewit was going to happen. As for your partner's ex, she can't stop him from seeing his child and the courts will put that right. More importantly, she brioke into your house and assaulted you! I hope you had her arrested! You are the priority here and you need to deal with the loss of your baby, either with your partner or a professional councellor. Don't leave it go until it becomes a real problem for you!!! Good luck with it all!!
285529
I know it's scary, but if you are pregnant, the baby isn't just going to go away because you didnt take a pregnancy test, right? you either are or arent, and it would be best for you if you just bite the bullet and find out.  As far as this guy goes, if you've been seeing him for a year, and he still hasn't ended his marriage, chances are that he's not going to leave her, and he's just stringing you along. As much as it would hurt, and easier said than done, it might be best to end the relationship. Maybe you should go to a therapist about it.  It won't hurt, and you can get some different views on the situation and some advice on how to solve it.  good luck.
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
9181
This is a great question.  I will await all the answers.  I have the same question( except the marriage part-but we've dated for almost 6 yrs now, and have a planned 7 month old baby).  It hurts me, also. For me, it's also a trust thing. You feel like you don't want to leave the house ever. It makes me feel very trapped and stressed.  I don't mind him looking at it once in a while, but I'd rather he looked at it when I was around and included me in stuff like,  " Oh hey.. look at THIS! teehee" or whatever.  Good luck. I've talked to my boyfriend about this, and he just doesn't get it. I'm glad there are others out there that feel the same way. My boyfriend has slowed down considerably, and hides his tracks much better, now, but it doesn't stop the fact that I don't trust him while I'm gone.
218746
My heart really goes out to you, I can't imagine what you are going through with your daughter. It sounds like you have made a great start with the day to day stuff and i think this is the best thing to do -concentrate on each day and don't look too far ahead. Rely on your family and friends and don't stop talking about it, play with your baby and wait. The waiting is the hardest part, but if you take it slowly and don't set a time limit - don't say for example that by next week you will have stopped crying, or that by next month you will be over him and don't judge your own 'get over him' time by someone elses, everybody does things in their own way. But i promise you that if you keep doing what you're doing it will go away, it really will, you just have to wait. Wishing you all future happiness xxxx
107905
you sound almost like a mirror image of me but i'm at the 3 month stage and i don't know if he's with somone else, the other difference is he said to me that he wants to work things out i haven't seen mine in 20 days and yes im counting. the best advice hang in there, me personally i would tell him how much of a many swearwords he is for hurting me and how could he get with somone else so soon. but as i said hang in there im now ruling my own life but it is hard moving ahead without the one you love. Be Good!
151948
After I had my daughter, I was living with her father.  He bacame abusive just two weeks after having her.  He slapped me to the ground because his cousin looked at me.  I stayed for 6 months, at first fighting back, until the night he threw me into the wall and kicked me while I could not get up.  I layed in bed that night, wishing God would take my life.  My daughter, then about to be six months old, made a little baby signing noise.  I knew that I had to get out, not for me, but for her.  Two weeks later, I left him.  it was christmas eve, and he was cheating on me.  I packed my things and went home to my mother.
314171
Hi there again. Was thinking about writing direct but didn't want to bother you again.\nI had a break up last June after a 7+ yera relationship/engagement and it took a little (underexagerating) time to get through.\nThe fact that he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all made me even more upset. I couldn't figure out how he could just walk out and that be it. No contact, no explanation of why, no nothing. People need some kind of closure to move along the healing process and I didn't have that.\nWhen I finally started thinking a little more clearly (took about a couple months), I started to realize the reason he was able to walk away as cut and dry as he did. It was because he had already been done long before he'd walked out.\nI started being able to put myself on the outside, looking in instead of the inside, looking in (hope you understand that). Then I started allowing myself to realize all the things that weren't so great and hadn't been so great for a while.\nI went from a deep sadness and loss to realizing I was worth more than how I was treated by him, either directly or indirectly.\nToday I am glad he left and didn't ever try to contact me AND I'm also glad he left.\nMy belief (and I've seen it proved many times over) is the karma people like that earn will pay them back tenfold for what they uncaringly do to people.\nOnly you will be able to put this to rest within yourself and only in the time that is right for you.\nI wish you all the best in the world. And try to remember you are worth more than the sum of one cheating man.\nAlso, sorry this is so long.
113923
I was 20 and my low life ex left me with 2 baby girls.  It was very hard, now they are 13 and 14.  It is ever harder! But i have a great husband that helps me with everything.  Please learn from my mistake and wrap your life around your child.  Don't became wrapped up in looking for Mr.Right.  I was so focused on finding a father for them that I went from relationship to relationship and now they have a lot of bad feelings because I put them through it too.  Also, go to college.  There are MANY places that will help a single mother. They will even pay for your childcare while you go to school Take advantage them.  You just can't raise a child anymore on $5.00 or 6.00/hr.  That way you wont have to depend on anyone else. When have a degree and a good job then the right person will come along and you will be so secure that you wont have to depend on him.  I commend you on leaving your abuse relationship.  Remember God loves you and you deserve to be treated with respect and love.  If a man hits you one time, it is one time too many. You did the right thing!! Your going to be ok.  You will be a strong, independent mother and you baby will love you for that.  Just remember it's all up to you now, that baby's future is in your hands : ) Take care and good luck!
509677
I have been in an abusive ( all 3, primarily emotional and verbal) relationship for almost 13 years now, married for 8. I think what initially keeps you in an abusive relationship is that although you know that something doesn't feel quite right, you don't really look at it as abuse. Then when you know what it is, you are in denial and you make excuses for the person because you love them. You then think that your love can change them or that if you change that they will change. Sometimes you stay because you're scared to do everything on your own or because you have children. You want everyone to think that you have the perfect family and life. You then realize that the problem is within that person and there's not anything that you can do to change them. That's where I am now and I am currently being proactive with my exit plan. I hope this helps. lots of love, V.
171238
I'll never understand WHY women refuse to stop loving men who f*ck them over every chance they get,it's like you guys are happy when your feeling like sh*t.look forget this piece of sh*t your going to have to do try to make it with out him.if you have friends or family that can help then ask them if not,find a good christian church ask to speak to someone and tell then your story if they are really workers of the lord they will help you.(I was once homeless and a pastor helped me get on my feet)try social services.I know it will be rough but remember the stormy days don't last forever and sun must shine one day.you just have to be strong and be patient.as far as this guy goes if he loved you would be asking this question on yahoo right now?!when the baby is born take him to court and make him pay his share of the load.but until then your going to have to do it.you don't love him you only love what you want him to be,what you think he should be,what he used to be.except who he really is CRAP!! think about it has he made your life any better or happier since you met him? don't sound like.now ask yourself if you still love him.
257454
No it wasn't your fault. I didn't see how you could think that! It was his fault that he didn't act like he cared about you! You did the right thing! \nGood Luck with your baby and your new relationship!
80355
As Tupac said" men have no right to tell a women when and were to create one". BF's come and go but that baby will be with you for the rest of your life don't make the child suffer for the decision he wants to make. It sound like you would be a great mom because that means you have already thought about leaving that sorry man. Cause if he knew he wasn't ready for kids he should have kept his stuff in his pants. It's all on you but let me tell you I lost my second child I don't know if his father thinks about him but i do and it happened 3 yrs ago and hurts every time i see a baby boy. MY Friend had an abortion and she regrets it and is now trying to have a baby but she doesn't know that no other baby is going to fill that void
310842
Okay, dude treated you like crap.  He destroyed all your self-confidence and left you feeling really low about yourself.  Him treating you like crap only when you were hanging out with your friends is not a minor thing.  That is a sign of a controlling, possessive person who wants to cut you off from your friends (support group) and have you depend on him for friendship and support.  That is not healthy.  \nThe fact that your dad made you break up with this guy is probably the catalyst in this situation.  You needed to make that decision on your own.  That power was taken from you.  You needed to realize on your own that this dude was NO GOOD and you wanted more and deserved better than you were getting.  \n\nI am speaking from experience.  I was in a similar situation- dating a guy who treated me like crap, my family and friends hated him and kept telling me that I deserved better but that made me want to stay with him even more.  I even moved 2 hours away from everything (family, friends, home) with him.  It lasted about a year and a half even though I was miserable the entire time.  I didn't think it would do any good to break up with him- he'd just come after me and we'd end up back together.  I didn't have a good enough reason to get away from him.  I had created a whole new life for myself with him, and breaking up with him meant giving all that up.  The only thing that made me come to my senses was getting pregnant.  It gave me a whole new perspective of my "new life" and the way I was living.  I came to realize that I did not want to raise my baby in that kind of environment around that type of person.  It gave me the strength to leave him and completely cut myself off from that life and move back to my hometown.\n\nIt might help to think about things from that perspective- if you did get pregnant, would you want this guy to be your baby's daddy?  Is that the life you would want for your child?  Is that the kind of environment you would want to raise a child in?  \n\nDo some soul-searching.  I highly recommend keeping a journal, it helps to sort through the tangle of thoughts, feelings and emotions connected with relationships of any kind.  Write it all out and then re-read it.  Even if you have to burn it afterwards to keep someone else from reading it-what you write may actually surprise you.  And remember:  You DO deserve better!  You are a good person who deserves to be treated in a good way.  Right?
635498
To bad for you....you going to have some mayor problems if you are pregnant...but if you are don't go getting no abortion...you opened your legs now you gotta take the consequence. First you let go of guy #1...tell him its over....and guy #2 who you think you pregnant from..you don't gotta lie to him about anything...if you are pregnant..he needs to take care of you and your baby...He's not Innocent either..he had part of it... to bad for his girlfriend.. Not saying yah gotta get married and all that but at least let him be part of it...
594373
I have had 6 people in my hurt me very badly.  Because of their combined hurt and pain I find it very hard to trust anyone.  I aIso find it hard to believe that there are any good people in the world. I don't trust my child with anyone and I have taught her that the world is a big place filled with people that are looking to get one over on you.  I am a perfectionist wanting only the extremly best for my daughter.  I am also wayyyy over protective, but I am working on it.  I am also kinda a loner because I can't let people get close to me and know my true feelings about anything.  I also teach my daughter (and I know that I shouldn't) not to get close to people because once you do, they will leave you.\n\nMy father- went to prison when I was 7 years old.  Next time I saw him I was 22 years old, and he was in a coffin.  No I haven't gotten over it, still affects me some days.\n\n\n\nmy ex husband- walked out on daughter.  reminded me of what my father did to me, not over it 100%.  probably never will be.\n\nmy husband (married almost 5 years)- had an affair.  Nope, not over it yet.  I am not expecting me to be over it any time soon due to the fact that he willing did this and willing wanted to tear out family apart.  I filed for divorce, but he is trying to make things right.\n\nmy then best friend- for having an affair with my husband.  Lying to my face and then laughing about it behind my back (yeah I overheard a converstation about her laughing about having sex with my husband and how clueless and dumb I am about it).  I am still angry with her in sooo many ways, but you know it was her loss.  I am a great friend to the few people I do hodl close to my heart as friends.\n\nthe man that molested and raped me for years- This has affected me sexually, mentally, and physically.  I have gotten over the fact that it happened to me and my mother did nothing to stop it or protect me from him.  I know that he has an illness that makes him attracted to children, and that is his problem.  I tell anyone I know that might come in contact with him to be warned. \n\nmy mother- mentally and physically abusive to all 4 children.  I have only gotten over this one because I know that she lacked the skills or knowledge to provide anything better.