I'm ending college, my bf propose about 6 months ago we'll be getting married on July... But recently I saw a friend which I used to date... I think I still have feelings for him, I’m not sure I should get married… I think we are too young… And I might love this other guy that just came up out of nowhere I hadn’t seen him since we broke up 3 years ago, I think I’m having second thoughts I’m  not sure I should get married….\n\nAny advice???
120254
My dear, if you are having second thoughts then DON'T GET MARRIED!! You don't have to call off the engagement but postpone the wedding. I was married the first time at 25, it lasted 5 years and ended painfully. I am now 32, remarried with a son. I am more mature, responsible, and ready for the committment. It is a life altering change and the "fun" you feel when getting engaged and having a big wedding, etc goes away once reality hits and bills start coming, kids, real life!! Marriage is a wonderful thing...when you are ready for it! Good Luck!!
82791
I agree, it's probably not the most logical place to ask "is it a good time to get married"... only YOU can answer that.  well, you and your boyfriend.\n\nYou are on the right tracking thinking about finances and feelings.  Continue to discuss things with your boyfriend.  Where will you live?  Does he have a stable job?  Does he have or want children? Do you?  When?  Who will care for them?  How will you raise them?  Discuss reglion.  How will this come into play with children.  Have your families met?  Do you have the same goals and values?\n\nMarriage is awesome!  It's important to really think about it and plan for it.  So while I may have teased you a little for asking "should I think about marriage"- I think it's good you ARE thinking and planning.  Go with the flow and let things happen naturally.  If it's the right time to get married/engaged, you and your boyfriend will know it.  In the mean time, start talking about goals and longer term plans with him.
202995
First off, you need to go with your heart. What ever is meant to be will happen. If you have ANY doubts what so ever about your current boyfriend, DO NOT GET MARRIED! You will regret it sooner or later. And if you are in love with your ex and can see it working...go for it sweetie, don't lose him again!
16223
hey, just wanted to make sure you got this next message, so I'm putting it here, rather than adding a comment to your latest Q, and risk you missing it\n\nI dig that you're secure in your decision.  I'm even more happy that you're 17, and that you waited this long.  \nThere are things, though, that you still need to consider.  I speak from experience here....\nPlease do whatever you can to protect yourself from ruining your life at this point.  If you're not using any sort of birth control, then I strongly advise that you do it right away.  If you get yourself a daily pill, it will take a month to take full effect, so use protection or slow it down until then.\nDon't get so wrapped up in your relationship with this guy that you lose yourself.  When I was your age I was SO in love, and I ended up with a beautiful little girl, an "incomplete" education, and years of heartache, healing, and swearing I would never get married again.  All my friends had kids - IN HIGH SCHOOL - some got married, some got around.\nPLEASE, whatever you do, or whatever comes of this relationship, ALWAYS remember that you need to live for YOU, and DO for YOU.  Finish high school.  Go to college.  Get a job, and make it a career.  Do whatever you have to do not to lose yourself along the way.\nI wish you the best of luck  :-)
75177
It doesnt't matter what your title is. I am getting married in May and I never "officially" asked out my fiance. It was really just an assumed thing that we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I DID ask her to marry me, however. Just be patient and stick with him through the tough times if he is worth it. It might really pay off one day, you never know!
226470
yep, Married him,,,,we were friends for like 4 yrs we ve been married for 1 yr 4 months and to be honest it is the best thing I could have ever done, it is working just so great we don´t need to pretend anything we know each other like the palms of our hands we still can talk like good friends listen to each other ,,The secret of it i guess is to keep on being best friends many ppl forget their spouse should also be a friend to them and limit their relationships ...he knows my past I know his and we don´t use it against each other instead we use it to understand the fears that may still be a part of us..=)....Nope we didn´t really feel atracted at first I was *engaged* , he had a gf...time went by I had another bf...broke up ...and then I began noticing I had fallen for him I asked him about his feelings and I was lucky he felt the same way for me..
415818
I know how it feels, I am in a relationship now with the best guy i could ever be with we have been together almost 5 years, and I still find myself wondering about my first love. Me and my first love were together for only 2 and 1/2 years and he was my first everything. I know deep down i still have feelings for him and i always wonder about him. I know i shouldnt be doing that, but i cant help it, i guess he still has some place deep in my heart. As for you i think that you still have a special place in your heart for this guy. Dont let it bother you i think its all part of how special this guy was for you, just be thankful and happy that he is having a great life, and that he is married be happy for him. I am sure that he probably still thinks about you as much as you do him. Maybe you never know what holds in the future. SO dont lose hopes of this guy and dont lose hopes on finding another guy. god only knows whom your soulmate is. I wish the best for you. god bless you
632286
You are definitely too young to get married.  You definitely don't know who you are let alone know what you want in a marriage. What's the rush?  You should wait a few more years.
331716
Karina, is this you? Sorry, but this sounds too much like my son who is 19, and his fiance who is 25. Took me off guard! I think that you shouldn't jump into marriage right away. At 19, my son is SO not ready to get married right now. He's just not mature enough yet to deal with everything that comes with being married. Being engaged is one thing, being married is another. I say, go for a long engagement. Take time to really get to know each other.  Put more effort into thinking more of the marriage instead of just the "big wedding" every girl dreams of. You both are young and are still growing and maturing in so many ways. What both of you want from life right now may be different for both of you in a few years. Especially him. If you're really serious about this, my advice would be to wait a few more years.
248803
just one word of advice! You sound young, i got married at 19, and am about to get divorced (i'm 20) we rushed into things wayyyyy too fast. We barely knew each other well enough to move in together and be married. Take things slow! Stay engaged awhile!
319326
Rather than just coming out and saying "that's not going to happen," my opinion would be to try and try and try again.  What better gift can a future spouse receive than you on your wedding night - with a commitment that you have chosen to become pure - again - for this night only.  It is perfectly OK to start making that commitment now.  Buy yourself a purity/commitment ring and wear it on your ring finger and really try each day to live out that commitment.  Believe me, it will change your life =)  My opinion:  Wait until marriage!!!  Best wishes =)
237452
Not sure if im late here but here it goes.\n\nIt's ok to be confused because youre in the learning stages there are many things to experience like what the guy above me said.\n\nI've had 3 long term relationships at your age, and now 10 years later, when I see my ex's we laugh about all those crazy fights we had.\n\nJust take a deep breath and look out into the horizon, 10 years from now you'll just realize how funny this all was.\n\nOh course you love him, I loved all my ex's too and I;ve talked about marriage to all of them funny thing is, time makes breaking up less cloudy.\n\nAnd yes you are hanging onto him because of the memories and all the experiences you shared. But remember people don't grow when things are stagnant.\n\nYou're here for a reason, and its either to get validation for breaking up with him. Or understanding why you feel the way you do, so why do you feel the way you do??? \n\nI guess I missed your last post, but Im gonna assume its because youre not happy. Listen to the guy above me and go out there and live life!!!
447634
Seems a bit scary that he's already at that point and you're just getting to know one another. Even if he does ask you, be prepared to say that you don't know him well enough yet.\n\nokay -- go ahead. Get married when you hardly know the guy. I'll give it 2 years max.
410735
A lot of people will probably tell you to move on and that there are more fish in the sea. But I fell in love with the older friend of a cousin and for 3 years I loved him as much as I could in a "friend way" ( he knew the whole time how I felt about him and always told me that he only cared for me as a friend and that I should go look for someone who could love me the way I wanted and needed to be loved. I am very stubborn and wouldn't give up. About 3 years into our close friendship I decided to co on a date with another guy. When my friend realized that I might not always be there he did some serious thinking.. We've been together for 2  and a half years and married for 1. So my advice is that you really truly care about this guy then dint give up. But do play a little hard to get. Make him work for it a bit.
575674
Is there a legitimate reason for you to feel this way?  Has anything happened in your relationship recently to cause these feelings, ie: abuse?  1 of 2 things can be going on here, either A. your subconscious/gut/intuition is telling you that you're about to make a MAJOR mistake in marrying this guy or B. you're major league stressed out over the wedding.  B becomes more probable the bigger your wedding is.  With 3 more weeks to go, the stress will continue to accumulate.  So I'd be more inclined to say this is nerves.  Try to keep your stress level lower, and remember to do something for yourself that isn't wedding related every day.\n\nTalk to someone you trust about your feelings, hopefully that would be your financee.  But if it's not, then really think hard about marrying him.  It's much better and easier all around to end an engagement than a marriage.  Your husband should be your best friend, there should be nothing you cannot share with him.
277720
I think that you are way too young to make a life decision like marriage. Despite what is shown on television and what celebrities do, marriage is supposed to be a life commitment. Do you feel that you can commit your life to someone at such a young age? Do you want to go to college, Does she want to go to college? How would this effect your relationship? Have you sat down and REALLY discussed the ramifications of getting married. Where would you live afterwords (with your parents?), how could you afford living together, etc.  It might suit both of you to speak to a third party, like a pastor or even a counselor before taking the plunge. You sound like a nice person, but remember the old saying (and Elvis song), Only fools Rush In
532391
I was married at 28, engaged 8 months before. Engaged after knowing him for three years, and dating for two of those.\nBest advice is to finish school, live on your own separately so you know what real life is like - to earn a salary and pay your bills. If your love will wait, then get engaged.