We had an email conversation which was initially heated, but then I thought it was resolved. Since the last email I sent, she did not respond and now refuses to respond to any attempt I make to contact her. She has always diapproved of anything and everything I do in my life, so it's probably better for me emotionally this way. My question is, how do I let go and be okay with this? I don't know what to do and I'm very confused. It's kinda like they say, if you hit yourself with a hammer every day for 30 years and then one day stop, you'd miss it. Well, she's been my mother for 31 years and has now decided to cut me out of her life completely. HOw do I get over this? Please help.
122752
I don't know if there is a way to really get over it. She is your mom.  I do know how you feel.  My relationship with my mom has always been strained I always just let her say whatever and took it.  I eventually backed away and we didn't talk for a while. Then we slowly started talking again.  We still talk but don't have a close relationship.  I would give it some time and let her cool down.  Hopefully she will come around.  Hang in there.  But remember that even if she is your mom she shouldn't put you down and she should support you.  So even if you do have a relationship again with her don't rely on her for emotional support.
603750
I am going through the same exact thing right now.  I kid you not, the whole age thing is a brutal killer.  Either they will learn to accept it with time, or what happened to me is I tried to burry it and move on as well as she, and it only works to a point.  I think this is one of those things which has to come with time.  It has been one of the hardest things for me to go through, and I hate it, and it has been over a year for me that this has been going on.   I wish you good luck with this.  Brando
146843
That's a tough situation and I'm so sorry for your loss. You should definitely talk openly about this with other family members and friends. You should also consider seeing your doctor for depression. Since you can't bring your mom back, try to focus on how to celebrate her. Put together a memorial with her pictures, hobbies and guest speakers. Did she have any dreams? Live out some of her fantasies for her. Feel her passion and feel her spirit inside you. The mourning period needs some closure so you can move on with your life. Try talking with more people like teachers, counselors, and even strangers. Cry a lot. Also...go ahead and talk to your mom. Ask her for advice and let your heart guide you. But don't ever give up!
420352
It's sounds like she has a pretty rough life.  Maybe it's a good thing her dad picked her up.  I know you miss her but she knows where to find you.  Maybe when things calm down little she will get in touch with you.  Keep trying her e-mail address you might get lucky.  I'm so sorry you are going through this pain, I wish I could just say the right thing to make it better but I can't.  Just remember the bonds of friendship are not easily broken she'll think of you and get in touch with you.  Just pray that she is in a better situation now.  I know if you are her friend you ultimately want the best for her.\n\nDon't forget to pray for her tonight I'll pray for you, best wishes Hun.  : (\n\nDon't cut yourself it won't take away the pain.
230906
You can do nothing from this point.  You have acted maturely enough if you honestly have asked her why she was acting this way.  \nSometimes it's best to address what is on you mind regardless of what reaction might be solicited.\nNow go about your business and no matter what she will not be able to deny you have both given her the opportunity to explain her hostility towards you.  \nShe will lash out a little more, but eventually, I believe, she will want to join your friendship and not stew over it.\nShe is still a mom and you are a woman that threaten the very fibers of her closeness with her young.  Every species has this process in it's life cycle, humans are no different.  She'll remind you of course that her bonds with her son are stronger as this is normal.  Hostility is not nor should it be tolerated by anyone much less than a close family member.  I'd like to add that if a man can defend you against his mother he will defend you against anyone.  Tough situation but I believe you'll make it through this.  Good luck.\n\nI hope this answer just changed your life.  Peace.
69285
yikes.  what did she say that was so awful?\nmaybe it's okay to move and take some time.  she's family; you can always reconnect later.\nhaving an open conversation about what's going on, though, is far better than her just moving quickly and no one talkign about it.  try to stay friends!
270977
You know forgiveness is a difficult thing.  I think if you are feeling it, you should do it.  It will be a lot easier to move on.  And really, how long does a person need to be punished for something wrong they have done?  I am not spiritual at all or even religious.  But a lot of people believe we will answer to a greater power once we leave this earth.  If you believe that, then there is no good reason why you need to carry around animosity for your mom.  You are an adult now and if she doesn't feel sorry now, she never will.  But I am sure she feels guilty and that is a punishment she will live with until death and then she will deal with whatever, after.  I think it takes a big person to forgive someone of such a huge thing as a mom leaving her babies.  My dad left my mom before I was born and then claimed I wasn't his.  It was a huge court battle and it was finally discovered he is in fact my biological father.  At age 18 he decided he wanted me back in his life.  I couldn't do it.  I wasn't ready.  I am a mother now and I have forgiven him and moved on.  He is now dying of liver failure and wishes he had more time with me...I am his only daughter.  So, he is being punished.  But not by me...but by himself and knowing that he did wrong.  Good luck to you.  You will make the decision best for you.
638543
hey bro.. me again..well as i said... been there happened to me..my case similar..though she was living down the street..as for what u v done with not talking to her its the right thing..its difficult otherwise not to think about them 24*7... my x had got engaged and that's y we d broken up.. as far as the family is concerned keep u r distance... don be rude as i can tell that's not gonna be u...be polite... mom likes u huh??? what is this now i have to get my life copyrighted...?lol.. ne ways what i think is send her sis flowers and something but don think u should go there...cause if u do it ll just bring the memories flooding back...\nand we don want that.. what we do want is to forget this girl and find someone better.. though we sometimes feel we don want someone better we want her.. but we don have her... when we r finally over her and moved on we ll look back and smile and laugh... but i know it hurts now... but u r not alone in your pain... and there r many more pain full things... so chill and get busy with other things... be polite but distant... take care...
635394
I could have written this question years ago. I completely understand you. My mother died when I was 9 years old. I'm turning 30 in 2 days and I miss her every single day. It's hard, but I have always made myself go on because I know she'd be so proud of the adult I've become. It's normal and natural to cry about missing her so don't let anyone tell you differently. Grieving is different for every person and only you can know what is best for you. But if you need to talk to someone, please do. My dad had a hard time talking about Mom after she died. Like you, I'm the spitting image of my mother. Dad stopped believing in God and it was hard for him to listen to me when I spoke of her because he was having his own hard time coping with her loss. He loved her so very much and I'm sure you're father feels just like my dad did. It was hard for my dad to look at me too at times simply because I look just like her, and I have her talent for writing, a legacy I'm proud to carry on. Your dad just needs some time to cope as well. You might benefit from talking to someone else...a counselor or if you're in school, someone there can help. It's hard to talk to other family members about it simply because as I said, everyone deals with loss in different ways. \n\nThe best way you can remember your mom is to take all the wonderful photos you have of her and put them together in an album you can always cherish. In today's computer age, you can even scan them and burn them to a disk so they will always be there forever. And you can focus on the talents she left you just like I did. I made a very nice career out of writing professionally but I won't be satisfied until I get my first book out there, which first and foremost will be dedicated to my wonderful mom who even in the short time I got to spend with her, taught me that I could be anything I wanted and to be a good person, something I will always cherish.\n\nNothing is wrong with you. And you can't let it go because she'll always be a part of you. But remember that life is for the living, and I know your mom would be very proud of you today too. She left you a legacy...use it in her good name and treasure it always. Good luck to you.
97785
It happened to me. My husband and my sister no less.  It ruined my marriage, even after 28 years I haven't forgiven him.  He ended up with a terminal illness- Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years. He passed away in 2004. I felt like I had to stay and help him.  His actions affected my relationship with my older son and my sister...not that she was worth a second chance. But, I did try.  My mother, father, and baby sister didn't talk to me for 15 years- yea, like it was my fault. My brother and I remained estranged until he passed away. All I did was stay with the guy.  Big mistake! My younger son is not really part of the family every one shuns him because he looks like my husband. My sister's daughter ended up being an outcast and tried to commit suicide twice. What should you do?  Move on...make a life for yourself, find someone that respects you and loves you for who you are now... don't wait it will only hurt you! I am 53 back in college and making a life for myself for the first time. I have never been happier. I plan on traveling and staying alive! With as much enthusiasum as possible..If you need to have someone beside you I am sure that there will be that certain someone around the corner.  For myself, I just love being myself. One day maybe I'll meet someone but, for now my happiness and peace of mind it what counts to me.
572276
This makes me feel that your mother did abuse you - not physically or sexually but emotionally. This is a valid form of abuse, and like any other takes a lot of time and love to heal.\n\nI suggest that if you have now moved out of the family house, you write a letter to your mother, telling her how she made you feel, describing both positive and negative situations. See how she responds. If she responds negatively, denying or invalidating your feelings, then have very little to do with her. She is your mother, but there is no reason you have to see her if it makes you uncomfortable. If she responds positively to the letter, apologising, wanting to build a better relationship, try and build a new relationship with her.\n\nCounselling may help with this as this was child abuse. The most important thing is that you don't hold on to this hurt and get bitter, but let it go; your mother doesn't owe you anything. This is very difficult to do, but eventually you will be free from this pain.
574208
I've been there. \n\nDon't abandon your children. If you really are the better parent, get custody and cut her out of your lives as much as you can. \nRetribution will never work. She is the mother of your children, any retribution against her is retribution against them. No matter how old a person is, thier mother is still part of them, and they are still a part of her.\n\nLosing the house sucks, but , Dude, it's a house. Just a place. the memories of it are in you. In your heart and mind. She can't touch that. \n\nBest advice I can give.... Don't expect to get over it. Divorce is like death only worse.  The person you gave your heart and life to is dead, and some other evil warped person has taken thier place. Like Night of the Living Dead or something. How can anyone ever get over that?  That pain will probably never go away. \n\nThe good bit is that eventually you will learn to cope with it.\n\nBelieve me, you are not alone in your pain. There are sooo many of us out there sufferring the same way you are. \nIt make me wonder sometimes how anything so simple sounding as "divorce" can wreck so many lives.
530676
Because she was never really a mother to you in the traditional sense. She was and is a weak, insecure woman who put her selfish needs above and beyond anything/one else. You feel abandoned and angry, and now that you're an adult, you see how totally wrong your childhood was. I think you should be ok with distancing yourself from her. \nThere's a good book called "Bad Childhood, Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood: " that tells you how to accept the past, let it go, and move on-- even if moving on means ending contact.\n\n(I recommend this book because my story is included in it.)
5068
She's your mom. If she hasn't let go at this point, she probably won't. Make sure she knows you love her, then do what you have to do. She'll get over it. Moms are like that.
270565
I am very sorry for your loss.  You must be devastated.\n\nIt will be hard to get over and move on right away.  Just take one day at a time.  Grief is very hard because sometimes it can feel as though you are being consumed by it.\n\nMake sure you keep the lines of communication open with any siblings you have.  Also if your dad is in the picture.  he may be hurting too and it may be hard for him to express his loss.\n\nDon't try to replace your mother for your siblings because it isn't your responsibility.  Also realize that you and your mother still have a special relationship even though she has died she is still with you.\n\nWhen my dad died I felt him with me.  Sometimes I know he is there watching over me.  Your mother's love for you will always be there.  Try to remember the good times that you had together and realize that those will never be taken away from you.\n\nDeath is a transitional state and you will be going through a transition to adjust to being without your mother.  Just let the emotions come, if you are sad cry, if you are happy laugh.  In time things will level out and you will be able to face the world.\n\nA counselor once told me that grief is like the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes they come in fast and furious, sometimes the grief is slow and gentle.  It is always there but after awhile the waves are slower and farther between.\n\nMay peace and love be with you and surround you.  I hope that you have the friends and support that you need at this time.  If you need someone to bounce things off of then please feel free to email me.
312448
It is time to let go. Four years has given you your answer. She'll never change even if she claims she will. She sounds paranoid to me in fact, endangering her young son. You're trying to do the right thing but it is time to realise that the right thing to do now is to divorce her, get custody of your son, move on and find another woman worthy of your trust, respect and love. Don't stick around and let her scar you even more for that's just too convenient for her to do. It is not something you want your young son to think - that his dad cannot stand up for what he thinks is right and let a woman (even if it is his mom) put him down over and over again & cheat on him. I am sorry if what I said have offended you. I know you are doing this out of love but she does not deserve it and your son deserves a better mom. She lost her right to be his mother when she did what she did. Sorry. And Good Luck to You!
529723
Awwww, I feel so bad for you.  I think you send her a heartfelt email and tell her how you feel.  Although I'm pretty sure she knows this but tell her the same things you told us.  Tell her that you have no friends, you have no one to talk to, you confided in her and now she will not speak or respond to you, tell her you miss her and that she's like a big sister to you.  Tell her how much she has made a difference in your life.  I'm pretty sure this should get her attention.  Don't be rude to her, that's probably the reason why she's distanced herself from you in the first place.  My guess is that you've done it before.  Tell her that you are not giving up on her or the friendship and keep trying your best to reach her.  Be honest.  Tell her exactly how you feel.  Hopefully I was able to capture your feelings because it was obvious to me that you really care for her and really miss her.  And if that's the case, she needs to know.