Well, i love my husband..we have a wonderfull relationship. Our sex life is way too normal. We have no kids. Last year, I was assigned abroad for my job and I'm still here. We just call each other everyday to see how's it going. Somewhere along the way, I met a gorgeous guy...we both got attracted to each other. He knows I am married. In short, we made love and it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like I am more of what I should be. Yes, I know I cheated.. Now, my husband is coming..I'm in deep s***! I am not happy anymore. I feel like I'm torn between what's right and what I really wanted. I have love this man for just a short time...it's not lust..coz it should've ended soon after we had it..instead, it has grown deeper...I have never been so lonely...balancing what I feel towards this two men...is it right to follow my heart and break someone elses? What should I do?
135423
well.. most of the times when we get attracted to another person.. inspite of being in a seemingly happy relationship..it's because we find something in that person.. or in our relationship with that person.. that strongly fills the invisible,subconcoius void in our own present relationship.. masny a times,being women we compromise in our relationships for the sake of our families,society and all that..so much so that we often forget what we wanted from our relationships.. till the time someone else comes into our lives... like a fresh breeze and we end up feeling that this is what we always wanted.so analyse your feelings and the reason why u feel u like this other guy.. if u can then try to bring it into your relationship.and see if this particular factor was responsible for u falling for this guy.. i say falling for this guy n not falling in love as it may just be infatuation.. u know even though u love a person it isn't possible to stop getting attracted.. point is where to draw the line.. remember it takes a second to break but ages to bulid.. especially where our relationships are concerned.. but if u still can't get over your feelings for this man.. then think aboutit.. as the problem may be in the relationship u have with your hubby right now.. in that case even if this guy goes.. u'll end up feeling the same for another guy who.. kind of fits into that void which i was talking about..\nand even if u do go for this guy leaving your hubby.. remember one thing..-NO RELATIONSHIP IS 100% SATISFACTORY at the end of the day something will be a lil amiss.. and in the same way something may be great too.. so just think about it.. carefully.. before u do anything.. so best of luck and may god help u in getting over this delimma.. and don't be overtly gulity.. remember we're human beings.. we're not perfect.. TAKE CARE!!
337072
This is something that YOU should've dealt with before getting married.  While I don't think it's exactly wrong to still have feelings for someone, it's not right either.  Do you think it is fair to our husband? You should be focusing all your love on your husband, not saving some for some ex.  As I said, this is really something you should've dealt with before getting married.  (Just think about it:  How would you feel if your husband was harboring feelings for some other girl?!)\n\nMy advice to you:  Exes are exes for a reason.  Look back and think about why you broke up.  I'm sure there was a good reason that you are not with him and that you married someone else.  While it may occasionaly be okay to maybe wonder how they are doing, to "still care" for them isn't.  \n\nAs I said, think about why you broke up with your ex.  Then think about why you married your husband.  I'm sure you will see that you made a good decision, and maybe you can leaarn to let go of the past.
331290
you're not crazy, but i encourage you to talk to your husband about your feelings. once this is out in the open, it can be taken care of. tell your hubby you feel badly about the way you feel, and you're coming to him for his help. also, avoid the other guy as much as possible.
441628
Wow this is not an easy question. That non-one here can give you 100% perfect advice.\n\nThe fact is you can't know how you feel unless you try it  but if you try it you could be jeopardizing your relationship in the long run.\n\nYou need to decide how big you think the risk is and whether it is worth for a more adventurous life. \n\nI suggest: \n\n- Ask yourself are you completely secure with your husband, if some jealousy should arise do you think your relationship is strong to get over it?\n\n- Are you worried that your husband is suggesting this to please you but you don't think he's as into it as you?\n\n- I would recommend that you start small. Try a mini-jealousy test. Maybe kiss a handsome stranger in front of your husband in public and see how you and your husband feel afterwards.\n\n- If it was me in this dilemma I would literally write on a piece of paper all the pros and cons and then make a balanced decision.\n\n- Where I know for a fact 'swinging' won't work, is if you or your husband are hoping it will be like a band aid and fix some other problem you have sexually in your relationship. \n\n- One last point. Swinging isn't for everyone and you might find that even though you're scared that you'll get addicted to it you may find that in reality it won't do anything for you.
478409
sounds like self sabotage to me. Have you asked yourself, why you do not want to be alone? \n\nSounds like you and your husband need to make changes together. It isn't right that you arbitrarily made a decision for him, by stepping out on him. Would you like it done to you? \n\nAnother thing, have you asked yourself why you chose a married man? You know that he isn't going to leave his wife, or should. He has no business being with you, as you have no business being with him. It isn't fair to you or the other people... such as your husband, and his wife. If the roles were reversed and you didn't know... how would you feel  once you found out... and now say you and the husband who is going to leave his wife, get together, live together, get married. Can you be certain since his history ( with you) has shown that he isn't imune to cheating since you were the other woman. Whos to say he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? \nYou need to stop setting yourself up for train wrecks waiting to happen and fix the situation you are already in. Break it off with the married man, and leave him alone. Talk to your husband if you want to make this work, open up the lines of communication and seek marriage councilling! Don't be mean and blurt out that you are having an affair because he is ignoring you and is not the sexual life of the party in the bedroom. This isn't all his fault and you need to realize that you both have needs that are not getting met, it takes two to make a marriage work and putting blame on him is not going to heal you. You need to figure out what your needs and wants are, and talking to someone to try to discover the part of you that is lost will help you in this relationship or any HEALTHY relationship you get into in the future!
324287
Dont beat yourself up. You told him not to continue with the sexual comments. You didnt meet him. \nWere you looking for friendship or were you looking for an extramarital relationship when you started speaking to him?\n\nThe problem lies more in your relationship with your husband, rather than how some guy you never met made you feel. \n\nWe all have a need to be loved, feel wanted, and ofcourse physical needs. Wanting to feel wanted is human nature, not a weakness of character. Lack of that feeling can make us feel depressed. \n\nI suggest you work on your relationship with your husband. Even if it doesnt work out in the long run, you'll be free to date and wont feel like you do right now.
599798
He made his choice, sweetie, and now you both have to live with it.  I think its probably better to get some space between the two of you for a while, in order to allow you to get over your romantic feelings towards him.  Let him concentrate on his marriage and see if he can make it work.
46572
ask yourself this what would he do if he was in the same situation. would he tell you or would he let you do what you was going to. if you really feel for him let him know cause you dont know if he feels the same about you... if you are as good as friends as you say you are then you should be able to talk to him and not feel bad by doing it. i told my best friend how i felt and we have been married to 6 years now with 3 kids. good luck
182632
Are you really in LOVE with HIM?  Or is it the idea of new love and that feeling of new love, that you're in love with?  Especially being a married woman, after a little bit of time you lose that new love/lust euphoria.  Perhaps there are some things that you are missing in your marriage that you are looking for in this new guy.  I know it doesn't answer your question, but perhaps you should work on the marriage that you're already in and see if you can improve it, because you must have LOVED your husband at one time
282556
Ah, I am sorry to hear how much this is upsetting you, and I feel sorry for him as well. I wish I had a crystal ball to look into and find out what's really going on here. Something's fishy. \n\nAt the start of many sexual relationships, the lovemaking is hot! It's natural for sex to wane over time and you two were very busy. I sense that there's an undercurrent you need to ferret out, as it seems that he is flat-out avoiding sex with you. \n\nAsk yourself some basic questions: when did things change? Was there an incident that you can remember? Has there been a gradual decline? Has putting on weight, having children, a change in income/earnings or something like that happened? \n\nAs for the importance of this to your relationship, although national studies have shown disparate results, sex is not usually the number one issue in saving a marriage. However, if it's a top need for you and it compounds your feelings of inadequacy, erodes your self-esteem, makes you feel unloved or affects your ability to feel good about yourself in general, then it's time to have a serious heart-to-heart with him. Be gentle when you talk about it and try to understand what's bothering him. After that, you may need to seek professional help either together or alone — or give him up in the end.
525894
I totally understand your situation.  I met a WONDERFUL guy who I thought was my Mr. Right.  I told everyone I knew that I couldn't believe how lucky I was.  I put him on a pedestal, as everything he did lead me to believe he was perfect.  Later, information was divulged about his sexual past, which included multiple partners at once, different races, drunken one nighters, cheating, and barely over the legal age partners.  He was out to get it any way he could - true 'player' to the root.\n\nI was shocked, disgusted and appalled!  I was brought up very differently, and although he wasn't my first by far, I didn't do any of these shameful actions.  I began to see him very differently and it really affected our relationship.  I didn't want him to touch me, after knowing what he'd done, and also didn't think our sex life would ever measure up to his past free-for-alls.  Then the mistrust set in.  I felt hurt that I believed him to be one way, and then find out he was something altogether different.  I'd even make snide comments like 'yeah, you'd do that just like you 'did' everyone else' to hurt him like I was hurt.\n\nThen, one day I realized, that was all in his past, and how far he'd come from the days of debauchery, to being with me.  I'm the one who put him on the pedestal, not him.  Who the hell was I to judge his past - we've all got one.  Just because I find my past normal, maybe he'd think it appalling.  No one likes to hear that their lover shared moments of love and intimacy before them, no matter who they are.  It just plain hurts.  I realized that he was still the loving, caring man I'd met - that hadn't changed at all, and he still loved me just as much as he had before I found out.  It took a while, but I let my love for him overtake all the bad feelings I had, and began to love him again.  Don't let it get the best of you - let it go and see her for the beautiful, wonderful woman you married and not her past.\n\nBest of luck!
486600
First of all, love is not a feeling. Love is not about feeling happy or not feeling happy with our spouses. If not being happy at the current time was a reason for divorce, then, we'd have even higher divorce rates.\n\nIt seems you can immediately help yourself by making the decision to be in the moment with your husband as fully yourself. Don't hide yourself, don't pretend to be something you're not...but just be your genuine self.\n\nIf you are feeling this way about your marriage, the chances are good that your husband may be feeling some of the same feelings.\n\nLove is a decision to be committed and to stay committed. Love is a commitment. Be committed to being your honest genuine self, and be committed to being in your marriage as your genuine honest self.\n\nIf you can do this, your relationship is bound to improve. If not, then you can think about other alternatives. But till then, I'm afraid you haven't earned the right to leave
147686
Hmmm...I can not advocate that cheating on your husband no matter what the circustances are is right because if you are unhappy you at least owe it to him to voice your emotions and to move on. Just because you don't have a good relationship does not mean that his feelings should be neglected just to satisfy your own. Since you two have been together for quite some time don't you think that you owe him that much to be honest? You say that he treats you badly and that you are unhappy but I'm sorry that doesn't justify your cheating in anyway especially considering that you have no children involved that might cause you to be stuck in staying. As for the guy that you are seeing now, maybe you are in love and perhaps a future with him will be great but you are more or less in that fairytale stage of a relationship where they can do no wrong and this will fade. If this is something that you honestly feel is worth pursuing in order to make yourself happy then go for it by all means. Just remember that your happiness does not need to be based on a man and that you can find it yourself no matter what the outcome. I think that the betrayal and hurt is going to be worst for your husband who has no idea of what is about to surface and that for you it might be hard but that you'll make it since you have realized that this marriage is no longer what you want. I'm in no way trying to put you down or belittle you for your actions because it happens to the best of us since we are all only human but I would definitely consider your situation a little further and make sure that this guy just doesn't look like a better option because you dont really have the repsonsbilities and obligations that you share with your husband. There are no stings attached at this point with this new guy so it makes it all light-hearted and fun and if you do both embark on a relationship (especially a long distance one) there will be difficulties that will eventually come along. I would suggest taking some time out for yourself once you get a divorce and not rush into anything too quickly. I think that you need to hash out somethings with yourself instead of seeking comfort from a man that is merely supplying what is lacking in ur current relationship. Obviously if you decided to get married to your spouse, these feelings at one point or another were there with him and look at what has become of that. I think you need to just really spend some time with yourself and getting to reaquainted with your independent single self before finding an identity in someone else. I'm sure you are a good person and I hope that whatever choice you make that you will find the happiness that you seek. Just remember the feeling of everyone else involved and don't let your heart do all of the thinking for you during a time when you need to use your head. Best of luck to you:)
552457
I used to feel that way and i tried it out.....come to find out ...i was not anything but curious.  It was fun...but that was it.  You may have to find out before you carry out your marriage.  Just so that you know for sure.  \n\nGood luck...and I am sorry you have lost God.  I pray for you.
636710
Lust is a crush, plain and simple..  love is something almost unexplainable, difficult to describe.. the need to be with someone forever and not being able to picture your life with out that person in it..   Is your marriage in trouble? only u know, is it something u can keep in your mind, or something u want to act on, if its something u want to act on, YEP its in trouble.. cause if you really loved your husband.. u'd never even contimplate actually cheating on him, but if its just the flattery of another guy flirting with you, and just likeing the attention, that human nature what person doesnt want to feel that kind of attention.. so its in your court on whether its in trouble.. and how would u feel if the shoe were on the other foot and your husband was feeling this way about another woman????? ..
17967
when you really fall in love, all that playboy stuff will go out the window. My husband of 13 years used to be that way but now he is all mine and We have 2 beautiful children together. I know where he is all the time and he knows where i am. It's nice to feel secure and know that you have one person who will be there for you through thick and thin. By the way, the other lady had a good point. My husband also got saved and started going to church when we met. I think that is the biggest thing that changed him. Try it, you will never go wrong if you have God in your life.
271463
What you are experiencing is simply the thrill of "dating" your husband without the strings attached.  It is exciting because you are now the other woman and he is the other man.  It is like you're living a fantasy.  You two no longer have to share responsibilities and obligations.  It seems as if you are really in love, but that is not the truth.  You are the same people you were in divorce court.  Frustrated, bitter, and tired of each other.\n\nMove on with your life.  If he really loved you nothing would prevent him from getting back with you.