I have been with my boyfriend for six years, and there is absolutely no way on this earth he will ever relocate.  He owns his own business and would never consider giving it up.  I don't blame him for this at all.  But at the same time, I can't live with myself knowing that my mother's condition puts her in a position where she needs constant companionship now.  I know I should move back home with her, so why am I so hesitant on making the move?  Also, my daughter moved thirteen hours south of me and gave birth to my new grandson.  Moving to my mother's, which is where I'm needed, will just put me that much further away from daughter.  I don't have financial means to be traveling back and forth between two locations.  I'm scared and confused.  \nShould I just up leave everyone?  I just don't know how to make a choice between who I should be with without hurting and letting everyone else down.  Help, please, if you can.
136525
Some Dude has a great idea - - move your mother if you can.  If not, definitely go stay with her at least until she gets adjusted to losing her sight.  Your boyfriend and daughter are young enough to learn to adjust - - your mother would have a harder time.  Also, you refer to her as "elderly".  She won't be around forever, and you can now really take the time to get to know her even better.  If your boyfriend really loves you, he will understand and be there for you when you get back.  If your daughter has a problem with it, just tell her to imagine that she and her new baby were you and your mother's ages, and what would she herself expect her daughter to do??  Good luck - I know it is a difficult situation for you.
449465
I stayed with my dad until he died.  He wanted me to be safe and to take care of me and me of him.  So it worked out fine.  I was not ready to be independent and that was best for me to do in my situation.  I know other people may have looked down on me but that is their problem.  Just because I was not married or independent did not mean that I was stupid or crazy.  They did not and do not know me to judge me.  I did what I wanted and what was best for me.  Then I realized that as my dad got older and in worse health, that he needed me because he would have been all alone and could not be alone as his illness progressed.  One day he told me that he wanted me to stay and not to marry until he died.  That did make me feel good and useful and have a little more dignity when others would say things to me.  But all in all, I would not have changed a thing.  So you do what is best for you.  Your family is the most important thing, if they are good to you, so treasure them.  You will be out and on your own one day when you marry or find a boyfriend or go to college or move for other reasons.  So, do what is best for you. I think that you are lucky.  :)
541482
You didn't say how long you have been involved with him. His mom may think you two don't know each other very well, and doesn't want to see either of you get hurt. Be sure you tell mom that you are grateful to her for giving you a place to stay during the rough times, and you feel it is time for you to move out and get your life back on track. Tell her you are sorry that she doesn't agree with you guys moving in together, but that you guys care deeply for one another...maybe she just needs to hear it from you.
218270
I think you are stuck.  Your rights as a mother are no stronger than his rights as a father.  You both have rights as parents, and that means that neither of you can pick up the child and move out of state without the permission of the other.  Would you like it if he decided to move to California with your son but not you?
273165
OOps sorry let me edit this..\n\nMost important question is - are they LEGALLY your gaurdian?  It sounds like this might be your sister.. or maybe a young aunt.\n\nWhat state are you in?  How old are you?  It depends on how your caregiver will react.  I did the same thing when I was 17 and my parents freaked and were able to take me back.  I spent a few days in Juvi.. but other than that nothing terrible will happen.  If you are 17, I suggest talking to your parents about this and seeing if they would let you.  Does your friends family want you to move there?  Have them talk to your caregiver.  If you are any younger, either wait or have the family talk to your caregiver..  I totally understand where you are coming from, sometimes your home can just be toxic, especially if your parents are going through a divorce, or some issues of their own.. I've been moved out for 2 years now, and even when I come to visit, it just sucks my soul dry.. Some people and places are just so bad for you.  Talk to them .. really.  OR just go ahead and do it, but know this - they will be able to find you - and they will force you to come back - BUT after that happens, they will be open for dialog with you - you will be able to tell them how damaging their home is to you - and they will be able to take you seriously.. This is what happened to me- They never listened until after I ran away.. Then they let me finish my high school degree online and let me move out when I needed to.\n\nTo help you any further, I would need to know your age and your state.\n\nAnd like the other person mentioned, if you are working and making some of your own money, you might be able to get emancipated. \n\nChoices Other Than Emancipation\n\nEmancipation is only one of several alternatives available to you if you feel you cannot live with your caregiver.  You may want to consider other options such as:\n\nfamily counseling or mediation service between you and your parents; \nliving with another responsible adult (aunt, uncle, grandparent, or family friend); \nseeking assistance from public and private agencies; \nan informal agreement with your caregiver allowing you to live outside your home. \n\n\nMy final advice to you is this - family counseling - if nothing else works - this will.  The other person there can help you communicate effectively with your caregiver - and don't assume they will only be on your caregivers side either.  Present your case to them, and unless you have no reason for wanting to move out, they will support you and help you work out a solution with your family..\n\nGood luck, ok?  Feel free to personally email me if you need any personal or legal advice..  Bj_Osterhout@yahoo.com
220546
tell him the truth...and you have every reason to be concerned...you have been down the path of hurt, and do not want to go there again....as for your reasoning, i understand perfectly. i can not, and wil not, relocate out of my city because all my loved ones are here and i like it here......it's hard when you like someone from a different place....so  go with your heart...but be headed by YOUR HEAD!!!....and what will make you truly happy. good luck
377815
Just be careful...you're still very young!  Living with someone and dating them are two different things.  Its very diffcult, even when you have a good relationship.  Why don't you just stay there for the summer and see how things go...and if that works out then move in with him.  I wouldn't just throw my bag over my shoulder and go down there without a plan (i.e. a job lined up, a school that's accepted you).  Your mom is right in being concerned b/c it seems to me like you don't have a real plan other than moving in with your boyfriend.  If you want your mom to accept this plan you need to show her that you actually have a PLAN.  Just moving in is not a plan.  Apply to some schools down there, and apply for some jobs, and maybe she'll be more apt to support your move.
241397
ok hunny been there done that.  with your sweetie i cant give a guarenteed answer but i had that problem with my son's father when we were together. he thought it was his responsibilty to look after his mom.  last straw for me was when she "borrowed" 200 bucks to take his sister back to the mainland for ferry and gas and i found out that she used it to go bowling. man i was pissed beyond recognition since the money came out of my account which i used to pay ALL the bills and he wouldnt ask her to pay it back. in your case hes the child and unless they are unable to work or seriously something wrong with them then his responisbility is to you and his children.........however many kids there are and his parents should know that their grandbabies come first and foremost. doesnt matter whose kids they are they are always first and shame on his ex for trying to stick him with two kids that arent his. personally i wouldnt put up with whats going on but maybe make a really big chart and stick it up somewhere really obvious (maybe in the bathroom right over the toilet where he presumably STANDS every morning to take a piss and cant miss it) and put up a couple column where you detail the money your bro gives you for gas and the money his parents drain out every month and ask him how if hes going to support his parents where is the money going to come from for paying child support plus all the monthly bills. family is only as important as you make them and he needs to get rid of his and be a big boy. if they want to know his every move maybe perhaps you should suggest to his parents that he get his old room ready so he can move back in it or offer to move your entire family his kids your kids an all into THEIR house so that they can be in control and you can stay rent free and they can babysit.  all else fails change your phone number refuse to open your door and have all the accounts put in your name with only you being able to access them. or as suggested by the others then by all means kick his ass to the curb............ but thats up to you and how much more of this you are willing to deal with.
249876
SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HE IS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS OR FEARS OF SOMETHING. YOU NEED TO BE VERY CLEAR OF WHAT YOU BOTH EXPECT OF EACH OTHER BOTH FINANCIALLY AND RELATIONSHIP WISE BEFORE YOU MOVE IN TOGETHER OR IT COULD GO SOUR VERY VERY FAST TRUST ME I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I SUFFERED BADDEPRESSION FROM IT. I MOVED 275 MILES FROM HOME BOUGHT A HOME W BF AND NOW FEEL TRAPPED IN HELL...SO B CAREFUL VERY CAREFUL FINANCES CAN SCREW UP A RELATIONSHIP FAST AS HELL.. BE VERY VERY CLEAR OF ALL EXPECTATIONS BEFORE BEFORE BEFORE YOU MAKE A MOVE W THIS GUY!!!!
656780
I read your previous question and I think your mother is afraid of losing her little girl.You are married to your husband and if joining him in U.K, will help you and your husband then do it.Both families must accept and try support your decisions not try put a wedge in your way.I gather that the move to theU.K. is only temporary.Perhaps the separation will allow the paretns to realize that they miss you both and would like to be a part of your lives.In any case you must do what is right for your marriage.
406179
You need to be strong for your son's sake and satisfy his needs.  Maybe move?  Where did she go?  Sounds like you don't need her anyways.  What kind of wife/mother could leave her family?  You deserve better.  Stick it out.  Time heals all wounds and make sure you put your son first!!!
521819
My first questions are 1) how old are you and 2) why are you thinking of moving to Phoenix?  Is this for work, school, both, something else?\n\nIt sounds as if your boyfriend isn't really into this.  It sounds like he likes to stay where he is.  He may or not have a homegirl; I don't know.  \n\nI think you should go if you really want to move to Phoenix.  If you try to force him, he either won't go at all, or will go and then resent you.  I'm sorry but it sounds like a break-up is going to happen because your lives are going in different directions.\n\nIf you move, though, you will be doing what is best for you and what you really want to do.  So go for it.  Sometimes people aren't in the same place in their lives, and it's regrettable, but it happens.  I'm sorry.  You know in your heart of hearts what the right thing to do is -- so do it.  Don't compromise what you really want to do, and don't put your life on hold for a man.\n\nGood luck, no matter what you decide to do.  But whatever it is, I hope that you get your life on track and do what's right for you.  Let him keep up with you, or go his own way.\n\nCheers, K
577128
Hard to say, since I don't know the background, but my intution says walk away. I also have a feeling that you might not be able to walk away any more than he has. He may keep coming back, but you keep letting him...what's up with that? If you two had a relationship based on true respect and understanding, then there would probably not be the back and forth stuff.  One thing is for sure, do not let him back just because of your daughter. Kids watch us for a model on how to handle their realtionships. You would be surprised how many things get planted in those little brains...... You know how much you've hurt over this on-again-off-again stuff, and you wouldn't want to see her with any man but one who loves her and is dedicated to her for life right??\nSo, then you must model that in your own relationship.  I am a single mother, and I had a very up and down relationship with a guy for awhile. I found it hard to walk away from it, because I loved him, but in the end, the love for myself and my son won out.... it can for you too.  \nGood luck, and don't expect things to go smoothly either way. This has obviously been a very important person to you, so if you stay together, you'll have alot of work to do, and if you walk away, you'll have a lot of healing!! You can do it though-- put yourself first!!
207006
Since she is saying you can't go out, I'm assuming you still live with her. I'd say what you need to do is move out. Two kids, a FT job and school is a pretty big amount of responsibility, yes, but if you're relying on her heavily as unpaid daycare and free rent, she will be able to continue to lord it over you and with a certain amount of justification.\n\nYou're sorta in a position where you've gotta pick your battles. You can attempt to sit down with her and have a mature conversation about how far you've come and what your future plans are, and that you do have a lot of responsibility, and you need time out with your friends to wind down now and then. I personally would either skip the tattoo for now - make it something that will be a 21st birthday present to yourself.\n\non the other hand, if i'm right that she is providing room, meals, and/or daycare to you free, you really AREN'T being a full-fledged adult. My advice to you is to move out and BE a grown up for real. I can tell you from personal experience that ANYONE can figure out a way to make this happen. find low-income housing, check in with WIC for help on some expenses, get the kids' dad to provide some support, etc. there are tons of resources out there if you look. To be a real adult you MAY have to go on welfare for a while, you may have to live in a much different type of situation than you are used to, but you'll be truly independent and self-sufficient. plus if you are no longer a dependent on your mother, she can't claim you on her taxes, which means you'll be totally seperate from you and you can start applying for need-based financial aid for school.\n\nNow, all this said, maybe you already are living on your own, she isn't babysitting or doing other stuff for you free, and she's just all up in your business. if that is the case, i'd just lay it on the line in no uncertain terms. i did that with my mother and we didn't talk for several months. she was furious that i would stand up to her. but i was totally on my own - she had no reason to rule my life. eventually she realized this and we're great now. and in your case, she'd probably come around sooner cause she'd miss the grandkids too. anyhow.\n\neither way, good luck. parents can be more exhausting than kids sometimes...
477256
You don't have to get back with him to get closer to her.\nCan you work and live closer to her?\n\nOver is over. SO what's the problem?\nYou will need to have faith in your child.\nFourteen is old enough to know the "right from wrong" mom!\nGet some information and offer to help by paying for a afterschool program of something.
519561
You are only feeling the way you do because of the idea of leaving everything that you have come to know and love. I am alot older than you I am sure, but I have moved about 8 times when I was young. We as kids had no say in where we were going and I for one hated everytime we moved I had just made new freinds. If your father feels like this is the best thing for the family and it will improve whatever lifestyle you have I say relax , go with the flow and when you are old enough to get out on your own and you really don't like where you are you can make that change. But as for right now, If it is going to make all of your lives better I say go for it. Seems like your parents are doing whats best for the whole family and KUDOS to DAD for including everyones say in the matter. Good Luck!
600748
Do not move across the country with a boyfriend.\nYou shouldn't move in with a boyfriend.\nIf you do you are setting yourself up for a big fall.\nWhy would you commit to him if you are not serious enough to marry.  If you are too young to marry. Also too young to move in together.\nIf you don't know each other well enough to Marry,  You don't know each other well enough to move in together.\n\nDon't play house! \n If he is not committed to you and you are not committed to him \n(I mean Married, not engaged) Why do you want to even exclude the chance of meeting someone else who you will want to marry and who will want to marry you.\n\nIf you move in with him.  You will probably share a bank account,  When you split he'll take the money and you will keep the bills.  You'll get pregnant and He'll take a hike and You will keep the baby.  OK now that you are a broke, single, mother, living across the country away from all of your friends and family or any other support system.  You can't even date, you can't afford a babysitter.  You can't even meet anyone for a couple of years because you will be so busy taking care of junior.\n\nOK finally you start to date again but you settle for someone who is not right for you because after all, you are now damaged goods, You know, Bills, Baby, Low Self esteem.  \n\nOK have a baby with him also and catch a venereal disease on top if it.  Well he wasn't right for you anyhow. you settled for someone because you thought you couldn't do better.  So after seeing that he really is a jerk, you break up with him.\n\nGet the drift. Stand up for yourself Now.  Tell him that you hope he likes his new home and that he can email you if he likes.  Bye\n\nAnd make a life for yourself now while you are single,  hopeful, young, and the possibilities of the whole world are there for you if you want them bad enough.  Don't mess up your life.\n\nDate nice Gentlemen who will wait to have sex with you until after you are married, if you will accept their proposal, because you are not that type (and don't be that type).  Stay pure in thought and actions. Go to church if you have one, do some volunteer work.  It helps to help someone.\n\nHave a Great Life!  You Deserve it!  Claim it for yourself.\n\nGod Bless You