we met from dating ad.I'd been single 19yrs.He'd been married 5x.I was crazy about him.I still think about him.He walked out w/$$.I had great job/good $ until I was placed on disability from work injury in '02.He was charming,warm,kind & persistant.I was smitten. he told me in detail that he cheated on all his previous wives & left all of them.Now I'm a statistic! I'm not a risk taker. He assured me that I wouldn't be anothere notch on his belt.I believed him. I'm fighting for my freedom,financial security,struggling to pay all the debts on retirement disability.We both have atty's &\nits b/n hndled by forensic investigator.he is on his 3rd atty. I'm on my 2nd.We had lifestyle,cars,etc. Now he's crying poor. He's on his 4-5 live-in girlfriend.Divorce is the best decision & I trust I'll recover.I've had ups & downs & bouts of the blues. How can he walk out on all responsibilities,setup house w/new lover & sleep at night? We have not talked since he left.I've seen him 3x in court.
134936
Let's see...you married a man who had failed at 5 marriages before you, right? And I assume it was always the woman's fault that the marriage went south, right? I suggest that you have learned, hopefully, a very expensive lesson...people do not change, regardless of how much you want them to. I am sorry, but where were you when all this money was disappearing? Where were you when he was living high on your expense account. Your were "smitten??" I think the proper word for it is, "you lost your mind." NOw, pay your bills and go one with life. Not much else you can do. But I would hope that your are much wiser in the "from now on" than you have been in the "way back then."
616518
I know I'm still in love with my ex - he ended our 2 year relationship very suddenly with an e-mail & I am finished with\ndating, men, relationships, love. He was the last man I ever plan to be involved with - I've had enough.  Good luck with your situation!
45042
Thank you for the additional information. I suggest you talk to him. Pray about it and listen to your heart. When you turn 35 I don't want you to be thinking about what if.
280094
Girl Friend this is a classic case of I loved you until we moved in together. You have to know that even though this feels shitty now, you will be so grateful in the end. It is better that you find out now, before you both decided to get married, and 2 mo later decided that you want a divorce. Girl you have to realize that he is not the one for you. I say wish him well and push on. There are so many men out there that will appreciate you for who you are, don't sell yourself short. Let him go back to home, he's probably a mommas boys anyway. Figure out how much money you contributed to the joint bank account, then take the money and run. I know that you feel time has been wasted on this person, but better the time be wasted and you learn, so when the next person that comes along, you will see the signs before hand. Think of it as life just starting for you. Just to let you know he probably never loved you , he just didn't know how to tell you, another sign of a bad relationship in the making, when you can't communicate you are looking for trouble. Good luck in your life's journey, God has someone for you. You just have to wait and see
55362
Marriage is a big decision.  Perhaps your fight has caused him to reexamine the relationship.  This is a good thing -- if more people slowed down and examined their relationships to determine whether or not they were compatible before jumping into marriage, we might have a lower divorce rate.  What he is doing is being cautious and you can't fault him for that.  He still cares for you.  He just wants to make sure you are the one.
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
410952
Hi lady, Ya know I am kinda the same boat. Ive been married twice, the first one for 14 years. She is a great lady and all but we just grew apart. The second one was right after my first!!!!!!!! Bad judgment on my part! I found my second wife, I think too soon, because I was so lonely. Ive been divorced from her for almost 4 years and Im very happy. I said all that to say this, I dont know your whole situation but after my second divorce I realized it was my turn. I didnt have a lot of friends and found myself at home a lot cleaning or reading a good book. Now that sounds boring , but I was content at that time. I needed more, as well as you, I wanted to have some fun , as you I didnt get in the bar scenes so I thought I was limited. Well guess what , the few friends I did have were waiting for me to ask the same question you asked.  First I started going to football games with friends then to some races and now we have a group that meets every saturday at rotating houses to watch the races and socialize. Ive really found a great group of friends both new and old and havent been to a bar yet. My advice to you is to turn to your friends and tell them your delima. I guess my answer is FRIENDS!  By the way Im 43 and now scuba dive, play tennis and many other things all due to my few friends! good luck , you sound like a great lady
601330
Serious question here, and lots of things to consider.  Let's see if we can sort through all this.\n\nFirst of all, you say you've been together for seven months.  I wonder how old you and he are.  The red flag that jumped out at me is that you are both still living at home.  These days, I know that can mean anything from 19-29.  But if you don't have a steady job (preferably a career and a vocation), if you don't have your own transportation, and if you don't have financial independence, marrying is not a good idea.  He also needs to have a steady job, a vehicle and financial independence.  \n\nThat you are having second thoughts is a good thing.  He sounds like he still has a ways to grow up if he's still trying to leave home.  You sound like you have a way to go yet toward financial independence if you are living at home too.  When you say that you want to have little flings and talk to other guys, though, this tells me you are not ready for marriage because your heart is not truly in it.  You need to keep dating and work on your education, your job skills and your life management skills.  All these things are coming along, but don't sound quite developed enough yet.\n\nAlso, you should never have to pressure someone to marry.  A marriage proposal should come out of the blue with no pressure at all.  That someone feels the need to pressure someone else says that there is a power struggle going on, and that's a very unhealthy way to start married life.  \n\nThere is such a word as divorce, because there are many, many "starter marriages".  No matter your religion or personal beliefs, 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce.  And divorce is a hard but positive thing ultimately, because there is no point living miserably.  Divorce is hard to go through, but people survive it, and go on to thrive afterward.  Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, things just don't work out like we plan.  People grow apart, want different things, change and life throws us curveballs to boot.  \n\nEnjoy your single life for a while longer yet.  You may want to keep seeing your boyfriend, or you may want to re-evaluate the relationship and see if you want to stay with him or move on.  Don't be afraid to move on.  Be more afraid of getting into a rut or becoming too fearful that you'll never find someone else.  Nonsense!  With six BILLION people in the world, no worries about finding someone to date and/or marry ultimately.\n\nGood luck with this.  Cheers, K
295107
I was in this exact same position a few months ago. \n\nI hadnt known him that long, however. \nI was thinking the same thing when I first got with him. \nWell, now it is definitely worth it to me. I am engaged. \n\nHeres my advice. \nIf you honestly feel that he is going to change (I dont know what his crimes were.) than I woudl say give him the chance. My fiances crimes were violent and drug related and I still gave him that chance (completely unaware of what could have happened.)\nMy best advice is if you do give it a shot (which I hope you will because evryone deserves that second chance.) \nBE PREPARED! \nThere may be a few slip-ups. (for example: if his crimes were drug related, expect maybe drinking or maybe pot somking.)\nBe patient and set yourself a limit and stick to it. \nDont ever let his betraying behavior get in the way and make rules before you start into a relationship. \n(no drinking, smoking, doing drugs...whatever.) \nThis way you have the law laid down and you and he both know where the relationship will end. \n\nIf its important to you, it should be important to him as well. \n\n\nGOOD LUCK SWEETIE!
341730
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
599137
Stacy,\n\nWhen you've spent as much time with someone you love as you have and during that time also struggle together through various dependencies then even those struggles become things we tend to hang on to, despite the bad times associated with them. They become a connection to what we learn to perceive as our own reality so we hang on to them because we find hope or security in them even when that apparent reality is in fact not healthy or secure at all. You've made changes in your personal life obviously to discard some of those dependencies while your significant other has not. Yet you hang on to the one dependency that in the last 5 years has been a constant in your life and that is him, his very presence of being there close to you, touchable and reachable. You still see each other, you sleep together and you do this because you choose to look past his unwillingness to change. Why? Because for you, despite the past, you still try to find hope in a situation that seems to never offer any in return and you can't see yourself either giving up or drastically changing your life to leave it all behind. Maybe this is because you feel you have put so much into it and because by still being with him in certain ways it allows you to believe it may all change. Or, maybe you're just afraid to look to a future of starting over and rebuilding your life without him. Starting over can always be a scary proposition for any of us and just taking the first step is the most scary of all. Not unlike when a child pulls themselves up to the coffee table and for the very first time takes that single step without holding on. We risk falling down but if we measure our risks to minimize the fall then we find security in that and pull ourselves up and take another step. Reading all that you've written and having somewhat experienced similar situations I would be inclined to believe that for you to move on, as you want to do, you truly need a whole new start. New surroundings, new friends and new opportunity and again in my experience I've found the best way to do that is to put distance between myself and the past somewhere new and start fresh in life. Maybe this is for you too or at least something to consider. Scary thought? Sure it is but for someone who's obviously been through as much as you have then I suspect you're a strong young woman who is more than capable of doing so. I will hope for the best for you and should you need a friend in the future then all you have to do is reach out.\n\nBest Wishes Always
298401
I was in a similar marriage for 22 years.  My divorce was final in October of last year.  I am now dating a fabulous guy.  If you are interested in someone in particular, go out with him.  You have wasted enough of your life on your loser husband.  Now is your time girl!  Good luck!  Have fun!  Respect yourself enough to never accept that kind of treatment from anyone ever again!
248979
Well, of course your going to feel this way. Having someone take advantage of your good nature would naturally scorn anyone's soul and heart. How long has it been since the divorce? Your just going to have to have time to heal. I would suggest though going out to put your mind at ease, but don't rush into another relationship quite fast.  Trust is something your going to just have to build with women again. Look back at your ex-wife were there signs that she was out for just money? If so use those signs to your advantage and beware of such signs in future relationships. DON'T EVER TELL SOMEONE YOUR DATING THAT SHE WAS A GOLD DIGGER. This may lead them to believe you could easily manipulated and taken advantaged of regardless of how long the marriage was. Simply say it was mutual and you rather not discuss it. Besides it's no body's business regardless of whom your dating or not. If there were no signs then be even more aware don't be to harsh w/ us women NOT all of us are out for money. I will pray for you strength to get back on your feet. You pray for a good Christian woman to come into your life and to be able to learn to trust again. Good Luck & God Bless. When you decide to become involved with someone again don't continue to be on the defensive either. You choose to date the woman so give her a chance, but just be aware of signs. Trust her, until you have proven it to be other wise or it's broke.  Don't allow your insecurity from a previous relationship or your ex-wife to ruin your chance for happiness.
641363
I will relay one that my friend told to me.\n\nBack-story:\nShe went out with this guy who told her some sob story about going through a divorce and that he was wealthy (he claimed to be some real estate big shot).  Well, it turns out this guy said he had a car, but that it was in the shop (she never saw the mystery car).  She had to drive him around on every date and he also wore the same outfit on every date (keep in mind that this was 6 dates over a 1 month period) .  Then on one of the dates he asked her to stop at the ATM (it was one of the drive ups) and he couldn't take out any money because the acount had less than $20 in it.\n\nThe Worst of the 6 Dates: \nHe asked her out to the movies.  She picked him up for the date.  When they were at the ticket window, he paid in quarters for the tickets.  He also paid in quarters for the dinner, she offered to pay and he got angry with her.  He was snappish with her the rest of the date. Then at the end of the date, asked her inside his house (he lived in a house with another guy and only had a TV and a mattress on the floor in his room).  He actually wanted her to make out with him on the floor mattress after behaving like a jerk during the date.  Thank God she declined and went home.  She told me about the date the next day (she was so depressed).  I made her see the humor in it (I told her that it was probably his laundry money - I mean the guy wore the same outfit on every date) and it is now one of our favorite inside jokes (quarter man / rerun guy).  LOL
127185
I'm very impressed by your input on the situation! Why? Because I'm a divorced father as well, and yes - after a divorce you are somewhat at the mercy of the ex, and at least for me - it's much better to take things slow. I'm a lot more cautious now than I ever was before when it comes to dating!\n\nI don't think he blew you off at all! And for you to suggest fishing? Where can I find someone like you? Got any sisters? (Kidding)\n\nSeriously, be patient, maybe you could even do something as simple as enjoying lunch together somewhere? Take it slow - if he's anything like me, it just takes time.\n\nTry to suggest planning far enough in advance, and see if he can get his ex to be agreeable on the date you've chosen. Sometimes a planned schedule far enough out is the best way to make certain it will work.\n\nGood luck with your situation!
606309
luckily its only been 2 months....   but this sure is a glimpse into any future with this guy....I noticed  a couple in a restaurant   that were married.... the whole time they were there the guy was  talking on the cell phone.. with a break of only a few minutes in between calls .... I never even saw him speak to his wife!...  I felt so bad for her.... you might want to think about   if you really want to continue on .. personally  I would   get out NOW! lol..... good luck!
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!