I'm 18, and for as long as I can remember I have had low self-esteem and been pretty shy.  I've gotten better in the past couple of years, but I still feel I have a long ways to go.  I feel that I've had a pretty unhappy childhood because of this and other things that have happened in my life.  Has anyone else been through this and do you have any suggestions for me?
137999
Hi Kels\nI'm glad you're getting better, and at 18 you really do have the rest of your life to move on and make a better life for yourself.\n  I had quite a turbulent, abusive past, and one of the things a therapist said to me at one stage, was to forgive myself.  i thought that was odd, but then I realised that all the time I had been living through this abuse and neglect I was only a child.  There was nothing I could do, I was dependent on the adults around me and not responsible for their actions.\nWhat she advised me to do was to see this little child, picture her in my mind and to hug her.  It's difficult to get there, but sooner or later you can do that.  You can give yourself the hug you wanted and didn't get, you can tell that little girl that this isn't her fault, you can give her the beginnings of self esteem and self worth that she needed then.  And you can forgive yourself and let go.\nIt works.  Once you can see that whatever happened in your life to make you lack self esteem  was something you had no control over and that letting go of the past is in your hands, you can begin to make plans to release the child and become the adult.\n  As for the shyness, that's a hard one sometimes.  Society puts such great store on getting out there and living the life, and partying and being in the thick of it, and really, some of us are just not meant to live our lives that way.  \n  Maybe think about joining a club, a small group that participates in something you enjoy, or even something you think you might enjoy but have never done.  It's amazing how many people do this and imagine everyone there is going to be brimming with confidence and then during the first coffee break you all discover you were all shaking in your boots and terrfied.\nStart small.  Set yourself a goal, something achievable, something you know you can do, if you just put in a tiny effort, and as your confidence increases you'll find it becomes so much easier to do the bigger things.  And sometimes there's nothing wrong with just saying, 'I'm feeling a little shy ...' people often prefer that to someone loud and arrogant taking over everything.\nYou can do it.  Good luck :)
49029
Are you sure you are shy and not just lacking self esteem? There is a large difference. You have friends so it probably is not shyness, someone somewhere has knocked what you have said about something and it affected you. That is normal, I think most people go through this at some point in life. \n Advice- well just talk, don't even think about it. Say what comes to mind when someone asks you a question. If you don't know the answer please don't be afraid to admit it, this is how you learn in life. I grew up ( I am 48 yrs old now) with the thought that I was stupid and should never open my mouth. Guess what I had an IQ considerably higher than those who said I was stupid. They just had to make themselves feel better by keeping me down.\n Eventually I learned to open my mouth and not care what others thought about my words, and yes I made mistakes, but mistakes can be corrected. Just let it out, you may actually open someone's eyes to a whole new world or concept they never thought of.
262753
Trust me... it happens!\n\n I just recently turned 16 (Mar.10) and I've been going through this whole change. I feel like I'm sitting on bridge and watching the world pass me by. After all the weird years in life I finally found my Hero - who saved me. My life is numb - I'm not interested in anything anymore. I don't care what someone says. I don't hate but I don't love. The only thing that makes me cry is the fact that I don't know if I'll ever meet my Hero again. He's a Paramedic - the proudest man I've ever known. \n\nHowever if this is serious and you would like to talk but can't seem to trust anyone. I'd advise you to talk to your school counsellor. I know... I used to freak out by the name of them. But when my teacher set an appointment I was actually looking forward to it. It's amazing what a 30 minute talk can do - at the end of it I had a few problems cleared out. Well, the problems didn't clear away but they became clear of how I am supposed to handle them. \n\nHaving said that, Good Luck!
42379
I have adult ADD.  I wasn't diagnosed until I was about 22.  I never had problems in elementary or high school with schoolwork.  I was always busy with after-school activities, which made me happy.  I had problems with depression at about 16, which lasted until about 21...  I have a lot of self-esteem issues, problems with outbursts of anger, problems dealing with frustration and anger.  I forget details, so I have to try very, very hard to keep track of important things.  I miss appointments, I lose important things, I sometimes say stupid things without thinking.  I think the thing I have the biggest problem with is self-esteem, though.  I can't blame it on anyone else, because I give myself the most grief for making mistakes.  I find that real life in much, much harder than school was.
634345
Forget what you were, and start living a new life. And read a lot of books on any subject under the sun to keep your mind occupied. As you relax, over a period of time you'll get over the low self esteem bit.\nAll the best!\nst
44971
You are not alone! Try to not let your self esteem be your worst enemy. You remind me of me. I have to force myself to not isolate. Have you considered you may be depressed? I started taking medication in '01 and life has become better. I'm not so "scared" of people. It's hard to change but it can be done. I found a wonderful man who accepts me for who I am and he loves me so much. You are a unique individual and believe it or not, no matter what people say or how they treat you, you have something unique to share with this world. Hope this helps. :-)
620958
i've gone through a lot of emotional issues from the time i was little. My father as an abusive ex-drunk and my mom has always been somewhat verbally abusive. How do i feel about it?I hate the fact that i was never really allowed to have a care free childhood and hate having memories of my dad beating me up or having to leave my house at night because my mom and dad had fought.
590572
Right now, I feel pretty good about myself. I'm doing something wonderful and positive with my life and I've never been happier. It took me a long time to re-gain my self esteem, but now I'm stronger and happier than ever.
181917
you have a very low self-esteem... but the good thing is, you KNOW you have potential, you'll just have to have faith in yourself... why don't you try something that would make you use your talents/potentials... for example, if you can act, then go and do an audition to a play or something... or if you're good at school, try applying for a scholarship program... in that way, when you get to achieve a certain goal of yours, your selfesteem will be increased... love what you are doing, love yourself... take risks... its part of living... sometimes, we have to fall in order for our body and heart to be prepared and be strong...;o)
104457
Dare anyone answer you! LOL When I saw your question it took me back to Jr. High..and I will not say how long ago that was. There was this georgous girl in 8th grade. She walked like she was a princess and her face was like an angel. ( no I am not a guy, go with me here) Everyone was speechless around her because her beauty was unreal. I can see her face like it was yesterday. Well, as this beauties personality came to bloom in front of us over time she became very ugly. She had a cold heart, was completely self-centered, had a foul mouth and very unpleasant to be around. Sure she had boyfriends but they were for very short terms and they never went back. I felt sad for her, it was as if her beauty was.... deceiving.... her. In conlusion, I will say that, as for myself I do not think I am ugly, I FEEL beautiful at times, but my body will become very wrinkled and probably arthritic someday with those age spots too, the only beauty worth noting comes from inside. I know it sounds cliche or idealistic but I think it is so true. The personality, character, and SOUL is what makes someone beautiful.
560754
I REALLY suggest you see a counsellor. And do some 'self expression' and 'cognitive thinking', when your counsellor is with you, for safety.\n\nAND: **Life is full of ups and downs. And hey pad yourself, you 'have hand' some rough years, that mean you pass them, you made it thru. Also, it's 'have had', it's pass tense, it's history, so tell youself, it's 2006 June 22.**\n\nI understands how you feel, because some here. I been thru more than 10 years of rough time. Even now I still have to practice telling myself ** **.
534020
A lot of people feel the same way you do. I understand what you go through.   Stop thinking so negatively about yourself and seek some professional counseling.  Ignore any advice that does not involve professional help or group therapy.
314412
I was shy when I was young hid behind my mommys leg if anyone looked at me. When I hit 7th grade it was like overnight I wasn't shy no more and wasn't embarrassed to do things. I am not sure why. They way I see it enjoy life and if someone don't like the way you are and what you say that is their problem as long as you are being nice and kind. Try humor... Just don't worry about what other people thinks.
464096
As I get older I find that I tend to feel disappointed about all the missed opportunities in my life due to my lack of self confidence in some cases and due to my lack of self motivation in others.\nbitter and blameful no because i'm honest enough with myself to say that my failures are my own and now I have to suck it up and deal with my regrets and try to learn from not be destroyed by them
586129
I have a very very mild form, it used to be worse.  I did feel like a burden to my husband when it was bad, now it's a lot better and it's to the point where I can force myself to leave the house when I don't really feel like it.  I am not in any kind of treatment anymore, but when I was, my therapist recommended starting very very slowly, thinking of the things that made me nervous at first, and then trying something that would make me only a tiny bit nervous, and working my way up from there.
585051
its normal to feel sad a lot and feel extreme ups and downs when youre 13 because youre going through a lot of changes in your life and with your hormones. but if you feel like its getting out of control then you need to do something about it. if people are really your friends they wont look at you differently, they will want to be there to help you? if you really feel like you have no one to help you out they have a bunch of teen hotlines and websites where you can meet people to talk to you about your problems. you could even talk to me more if you need someone. you might also want to think about talking to your doctor or getting yourself into some therapy to see if they can help you out. its rought but try and keep your head up and see this through.
615909
he's probably shy since he's only a child.  does he have any friends?  that could also be the possibility to why he has a low self-esteem.  ask him if there is anything bothering him, and hopefully he can open up and tell you.