My fiancee and I've been engaged for 3 yrs now. We've been together (on and off) going on 10 yrs. He've always been in my children life if we were together or not. He has 2 more children - one before we met and on his one night stand after we've been together. \nThe end of 2004 my 2nd oldest son and he have been arguing since my children biological father got out of jail and just came to my house. It caused alot of problems still in our home that my sone jumped up in my face screaming he wants to live with his father. I let him live with him Dec. 2004 and he wanted to come home Jan 2006. He's living with us now but he's still having attitude about our engagement. He wants to be in the wedding but he wants his father and I to get back together. My children father is very abusive and over the years it haven't changed. My fiancee and I are still getting married but it's putting a huge strain on me. My sons are 14, 13, my daughter 12, and godson I have is 10. All kids gets along well. Help
123070
14 is a hard age to understand.  But, if he has know your fiancee all these years I think he should know who is best for his mother.  As for your ex, your son is at an age where you can tell him why you divorced his father in the first place.  All kids want their real parents back together.  I think you just need to really explain the problems that you had with your ex and how this new man in your life is who you truely want to spend your life with.
219296
I definitely think that you are not mature enough to have a baby. I'm 19, and engaged, and my fiancee wants to have kids because he's 24, and I love him very much, but I'm at least waiting until I have done 2 years of college. How are you going to support that baby? Think about what is best for the baby! And are you so sure that your boyfriend is still going to be with you then? I know these are harsh questions, but they are definitely things that you should think of, before having children both in marriage, and especially outside of it. :)
673291
I'm a male in my second marriage who married a woman who hadn't been married previously and its worked out great. In fact I'm glad the first marriage didn't work and we have been together 20 years and I would marry her again tommorrow. I'm sure your fiance was just meaning the second time around would be best for himself. Communication and genuine friendship is the key and humor is also very important. We often tease each other in a lighthearted manner. Also we have 2 children whom we are very proud of.
212809
I THINK HE LOVES YOU BUT MAYBE Y'ALL SHOULD JUST POSTPONE THE WEDDING UNTIL MAYBE YOU'LL CAN GET BOTH FAMILY'S TO GET ALONG. MY OPINION THE SHOULD NOT PUT THEIR NOSE IN WHERE IT DON'T BELONG. I COULD UNDERSTAND IF ON OF YOU WAS BEING ABUSIVE TO OTHER. IF YA LL REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER THEN YA LL NEED TO SIT FAMILIES DOWN AND TELL THE THAT Y'ALL ARE GETTING MARRIED ON////// DATE. AND THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO ABOUT IT CAUSE Y'ALL LOVE EACH OTHER AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YALLS LIFE TOGETHER. MAKE SURE YOU REALLY EXPRESS HOW MUCH IT WOULD MEAN TO Y'ALL FOR BOTH SIDES OF THE FAMILY TO BE THERE FOR YAWLS BIG DAY...I DO PRAY FOR Y'ALL, Y'ALL SHOULD PRAY TOGETHER ON THIS SITUATION God DOES ANSWER PRAYERS, IF YOU REALLY OPEN YOUR HEART TO HIM. I HOPE THIS HELPS. GOOD LUCK AND god bless you !!!!!
57799
Leave him & sue him for child support. \n\nYou have to think of your son now, who needs a REAL man for a dad.  Don't put your child through this, and in the future, RESPECT other people's marriage vows, whether they do or not!\n\nI don't mean to be harsh, but you have to know that you've gotten yourself into a mess by now.  Does he have children with his wife???
524008
I'll advise you stick to hope that things will improve with time. Your friend's brother is probably still angry about something that may have happened in your relationship with your fiancee or with himself. You may need to summon courage to ask to discuss your differences. Meanwhile stick to hope and the positive - the fact that your fiancee still sticks up for you. She and mom are still on your side, aren't they? That's enough to sustain hope. Best wishes for a happy resolution.
304798
Wow, that is a complicated issue.  Lets start with you and your marriage.  You say you are ready to end it but this other guy won't end his for three more years.  If you are serious then that fact shouldn't stop you from ending your marriage right now rather than continue to live a lie and lead your husband on.  You need to base leaving your marriage right now upon the fact that you don't love your husband and you don't want to be married to him and not the fact that you and this other guy will be together.  The reality of life is that there are no guarantees no matter how much you and this other guy love each other that things will ever work out for you two.  So you need to decide right now are you willing to end your marriage right now regardless of what happens in the future.  \n\nAs for this other guy, I understand where he is coming from and considering you two have waited already for 9 years and him and his ex are together because of his desire to be with his kids I think you have to respect that.  I don't think anything you do is going to change his mind on that.  I also don't think when his kid goes to college it will be as easy as he thinks to end things again with his ex.  Again, one never knows for sure about the future.\n\nThe main thing is you need to be living your life regardless of all this drama.  If you shouldn't be married currently then you need to end that and start building a life on your own.  That way regardless of what happens in the future you control your own happiness and it isn't dependent on anyone else.
7590
If you love the woman get married. My dad is going to get married and i dont like the woman but i id do anything to make my dad happy. Im 17 and shes been with me since i was 8 i think. I still dont like her. if you are loving and raise the child right i think hell accept you as a member of the family. He may never "love" you but dont take it the wrong way. I dont love anyone in the world except my dad and thats because hes been with me all my life. Do what ur heart tells you. I also suggest speaking with the childs mother and try to end this animosity. its useless to badmouth you when youre in love and are going to go through with your new life.
154002
it's easy to answer this. i have several for you to consider:\n\n1) if you're a God-fearing woman, you would let him back in the family as he IS your husband (considering neither he or you got re-married). a marriage, in God's eye, is sacred.\n\n2) if you don't care about God, and all you think about is you and your child, let him out of the family. he's hurt you and your kid already...what are the chances of him hurting you again?\n\n3) if all you care about is yourself, seek professional help.\n\n4) if you also care for your child growing up with a full set of parents, invite your husband back. do whatever it takes to make it work, keeping your child in the center of your relationship.\n\n#4 worked for me and my wife. we had a terrible time but we both agreed that our kids (ages 5 and 2) don't deserve not having the other parent. we love our kids so much that they helped us withour marriage, believe it or not. of course, I prayed to God everyday to help us inprove our marriage and I'm sure my wife did too!
69008
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
370697
I have been married for near 7 years but have been with my man for 12 years, we got together at 21 years old.\n\nWe have had our ups and downs but our love for one another has grown stronger than ever. \n\nThe main part of marriage and any relationship really, is communication. Don't bottle things up, sit down and talk it out, that way the 'problem' is out there and both can work together on how to solve it.\n\nIn all the years we have been together, we have never in an argument said anything we would regret later on. We have never called each other a name or anything like that.\n\nWords can hurt and people can remember what has been said through arguments, and bring that up in another argument. \n\nMarriage takes alot of work and it can work if both parties are commited to the marriage and each other.
268637
Hey I've been in that situation.  Sounds to me like the guy has a very big control issue.  He doesn't want you to have a life other than the kids and him.  I am telling you from personal experience.  It doesn't get any better.  The question is, are you willing to have no life at all, or are you ready to spread your wings and fly.  You are not doing anything wrong, so either he is doing something wrong to put the thoughts in his head that you are doing something wrong, or he wants complete control and when you go out, he is losing the control.  You need to be very careful in this situation, because it can and probably will turn violent.  Protect yourself and your children.  Right now, it is only verbal and mental abuse, but it will turn into physical abuse with not much provoking.
262754
Ummmm #1 your fiance is unstable.... I advise recommending a counselor.... #2 your relationship might be slipping because you have forgotten why you love each other. #3 If you LOVE someone else than you can't marry your fiance.\n\nI know from experience, my sons dad left me a month before our wedding for his best friends ex. It was the best thing we ever did.. He's happily married, my son has a great step mom whom I can trust his safety with, and I know my sons happy. \n\nMy heart hurt for a while but I knew trying to make something work when it wasn't going to would have just made the situation worse in the end.
28703
I think you should leave and divorce him.It is an emotional strain on your kids as well as yourself.If you won't do it for yourself then do it for your children.It might be hard at first because it will probably be hard for you to make a change after being with him for so many years.A lot of people have a hard time making a change because they are afraid of the unknown even though they are miserable and deep down know that it would be best for them and their kids.You and your children deserve better.Just do it and get on with the rest of your life.
444356
Sometimes staying married for the sake of the children, hurts them in the long run.  Children can pick up when the parents aren't getting along. Growing up in a loveless marriage is hard on everybody.  What do you really think you are teaching them when they get into relationships.  You speak of him being abusive towards you, any time that is evident, I feel you must distance yourself from that situation, also this is definitely not good for your children to witness.  If he were able to sit down and talk in a civil manner, perhaps you might have a chance, but it seems like he is cutting off all communication .  It's a hard situation no matter which way you decide to go, but whatever you do, think of the children first.
628334
I would wait.dont get married bcuz of the babies.you two are still very young. you can still be good parents wiithout getting married.i met my kids father right before i turned 18 and had our daughter exactly a year later.5 yrs later we had a son.but through the years we grew apart as we got older and we split up at the end of"04". we both moved on to other people but we still loved each other.so now at the age of 26 and 28 we finally got married this year. just make sure your right for each other. good luck
317920
Maybe you should continue to stay separated but start "dating" again and work on your issues. Having children in the relationship I feel it could be detrimental to them to have him continually coming and going into the home. I would continue being involved in your church, praying for him and your marriage and continue marriage counselling. If after a few months and giving it 100% there are still no changes in him/willingness from him to work on his issues then I would sit down and seriously contemplate if this situation is right for you and your children. But hopefully with prayer and God in your life you will see some changes. I definitely think baby steps is the way to approach this situation. God be with you.