We took white cake icing. Added dark food colorings until it was a nasty, vile brownish colour. Then, we plopped a huge pile in the living room corner. \nOur unsuspecting friend came by, and we were in the middle of an animated (fake) arguement as to whether the diarrhea on the floor was cat or dog crap.\n My then hubby reached down, swiped some on his finger, smelled it and said, "yeah, thats your stupid cat". He held it out for me, i sniffed, i said, "no way, thats that dumb dog you can't seem to house train". His face revealed his revulsion at us touching and sniffing but then, (oh the look!), my hubby took a taste off his finger, and said, "ok, your right, it's the dog". The guy ran outside retching and threw up!\nIt was priceless!\nCheap.\nWe did it over and over to various friends.
129597
Yeah, I remember you telling that one; that is hilarious. Which friend was it?? Mike??? Oh yeah, nice English spelling (i.e. "colour"). Do you say "organise" too?
236249
Many years ago I was going to a party with a buddy of mine. I had to finish work first so He drank a gallon of Bali High wine before We left for the Party. After about an hour no one had seen My drunk buddy and We all started searching for Him. We discovered He was passed out on the toilet and had taken a giant dump but hadn't taken off his underwear. I had the job of pulling up His pants and loading Him into My car to take Him home. Not only was He a smelly mess He then decided to puke up the entire gallon of wine in My car.\nOnce I got Him to His house I honked the horn until His father came out and took Him off My hands. 30 Years later I still call Him STINKY!
385214
I stopped after my last visit with my Oldest Son. He swore they wouldn't do the U know before football check -I told him they would but anyway-when they did, along with the fact the Dr.was a funny looking little man that talked funny too!,Man I burs ted out laughing in the Dr's office and could not stop.I tried digging around in my purse ,finding something else to look at or do to stop laughing ,but my giggle box got flipped and I know that the Dr. thought I was mad or something but I could not quit laughing (I laughed until we got in the car to leave I was barely able to write the check )and my Son was so embarrassed he never wanted me to go with him again.That was fine with me but I still can't explain what happened to me that day-I know he thought I did it on purpose because I didn't want to go back in the 1st place but I really DID NOT.This has only happened one other time in my life.It can be embarrassing.
331269
When I was standing on a country road (waiting at an unmarked bus stop) in Italy and twelve men pulled their cars over (not all at once), thinking I was a prostitute.  They waved their wallets at me and tried to get me into their cars.  I was so upset that I was in tears, crying beside the road.  Suddenly I heard a sound, and I looked down to see two lizards running across the sidewalk.  Before I could do anything one of lizards crawled up onto my foot and started crawling up my leg.  I could feel it against the skin on my calf, so I lifted my leg and tried to shake it off, but the damn thing just wouldn't come off.  All I could think was, "Everyone thinks I'm a prostitute and I'm going to have to take off my pants to get this lizard out of them!"  So I was standing beside the road, totally crying, shaking one leg around in the air.  All the cars that were driving by were honking their horns and hollering at me... it was soooo embarassing!  \n\nAfterword:\n\nEventually the lizard got scared and crawled off my leg- it didn't get past my knee and I didn't have to take off my pants.  A few minutes later the bus came.  I swear I didn't look like a prostitute- I was wearing a sweater and dress pants!  And I had a suitcase!
567423
NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would be a little disgusted though, but hey, that is hilarious!!!!!!! and i got one for you to do on him: if he asks you for a glass of water, put some dish soap in the cup, then put water in it, pop the ALL of the bubbles, and let him drink up!!!!!!!!! if he leaves food sitting out, and he is still going to eat it when he comes back, put a few things in there, like soap, lime juice, chili, go crazy, but don't put anything that is poisonous in there!!!!!!!! oh yeah, and try not to crack up when he comes back and starts to eat his food, wait until he tastes the stuff, and makes a funny face. \n\ni got another one: get ketchup, baking soda and put some in the bottle. then close the lid, shake it up, and make him something to go w/ the ketchup, like fries, or something. then give him the ketchup, and let him open it, and BAM!!!!!!!!!!! a face full of ketchup. have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\n\naren't i evil?
473794
I almost gave birth too a litter of kittens when I read this.\n\nWay WAY too funny. Thanks.\n\nIt has ***got*** too be grand too have your wife write out a script in whitch you get too beat the ever loven dog cr4p out of your father in law so very often. I would ***dearly*** love too go too the McMahon residence for Thanksgiving dinner one year.\n\n"Yeah, but did you have too hit me so ***hard*** with that chair shot?"\n\n"Look. It was in the script! What could I do?"\n\n"Yeah Daddy! And your peas are gonna get cold!"\n\nThanx for that.
623962
i just received this joke from a text message..\n\nthere is this boyfriend and girlfriend..\nbf: "hon, let's do 69!"\ngf: "what is 69?"\nbf: "it's easy.."\n\nthen they positioned theirselves..\nwhile in that position, the boy farted 4 times..\n\nthen the girl reacted and said "omg! i cant do this anymore! i cant take anymore the remaining 65!"\n\nlolz..
657997
okay, this is really gross too.  I have a friend (yes really, a friend, not me) that went on a blind date.  She was having a great time and really liked the guy and was trying for a second date.  Well that afternoon (before the date) she was feeling a little "irregular" so she took a laxative.  So by the end of the date she had been "holding it in" if you know what I mean.  The guy pulls up in front of her house and you know the usual first awkward kiss is supposed to happen. but instead my friend farted spraying poop everywhere.  All over herself, the seat and the upholstery in the car which I might add was beige!  Needless to say the second date never happened.  Oh yeah,  did I mention she was wearing white?
651423
One of my answers from either you or sharky i believe. I laughed so hard. It was dumb too, but that 's because I am pathetic and tired. LOL Something about elephant poop and tripping over it. I laughed so hard. That's good and goofy. I like people who step outside of their box.
174128
I had the surround sound to my PC cranked up...(which is awesome by the way...it goes so loud)\nand anyways i said you had to put your nose right up to the screen to get it...anyways he was concentrating really hard and it scared him so bad he FELL OUT OF HIS STINKING CHAIR! \nI kid you not he FELL OUT and started laughing so hard he cried.
382033
Buddy and his practical jokes put a piece of sandpaper in a co workers sandwich almost the size of the bread, Buddy (victim) had no teeth to bite through his sandwich.\n\nIt was quite comical albeit cruel.\n\nnew guys get sent for the strangest tools such as the board stretcher or the sky hook or a can of striped paint a left handed hammer etc, thats always a farce to initiate the greenhorn\n\nOb1
453871
very funny lol ^_^\n\npoor dog\n\nthanks for sharing it
649403
Back in my wandering hippie days a busload of us crashed at an old house in Boulder Colorado.  One of the women awoke from a nap upstairs screaming, saying a little girl was trying to steal her body. \n\nOur host passed a couple of joints around and told the story of the original residents.  It seems their young daughter had died of typhoid, and they were in such denial of it that they just left her body to rot in her upstairs bedroom. Deprived of a proper burial, the girl's spirit never left the house.  The next owner had walled off the room, even going so far as to seal it with lead.  We were starting to have some fun with the story when there was suddenly a loud bang from the wall in question, causing a number of things to fall down.\n\nWe decided then to go out for ice cream, and we all slept downstairs on the living room floor that night.
605536
When my younger daughter was two (does that count as a baby?) she picked up something so disgusting I couldn't even stand to touch it myself.  Here's how the story goes.\n\nIt was the summer of 1982 in a little town outside of Memphis, TN, and it was VERY HOT!  Our neighborhood had a real slug problem (you know, those slimey little snails witout shells).  My neighbor across the backyard from me (they also had a two-year-old) put a tin pie plate of beer on his back porch to draw the slugs in and when they came to it he poured salt all over them to kill them.  Then they went on vacation and left them there to dry in the sun.\n\nI was outside with my girls hanging laundry on the clothesline and I looked over at my neighbors house and saw my precious angel sitting on their back steps so I went over to see what she was up to.\n\nShe had one of those slugs in her hand and was knawing on it like a piece of beef jerky.  They had dried to a real dark brown leathery consistency.  She had brown juice dribbling down her chin like someone who chews tobacco.  \n\nI shreiked, grabbed her hand and began to shake it yelling for her to let go.  Well, she thought this was a really fun game so she held on all the tighter.  I finally had to pick up a stick and pry her chubby little fingers open so the nasty little thing would fall out.\n\nI took her home (puked), brushed her teeth FIVE TIMES and gave her juice, soda pop, and anything else she wanted to drink the rest of the day.  I also thanked my neighbors very kindly when they returned.  Boy did they have a good laugh about that!
37682
i went into a Dairy queen to order a Belt-buster with cheese..\n\nwhat i said was i wanted a Butt-buster with cheese.\n\nthey laughed so hard and felt so bad for me,they gave me my meal free =)\n\n\n\nanother incident with a dairy queen was 2 years ago..\n\ni have fur seat covers in my car. I bought it on ebay and flew to tucson to drive it home. (texas)..was september,,HOT as all hell in a car with no a/c. I get out to go into DQ and as im walking..i feel something unusual *down there*. (ladies...u know how we dont like to "dig" in public)I was in some college town and kids were out for labor day..so DQ was full. standing in line, i shift my weight to dislodge whatever is stuck in the back of my shorts.no help. i order...get food and leave. when i get back to car, i finally reach around and pull out a big wad of that black fur from the seat out of my shorts leg..right next to my *area*.\n\ni bet those college kids thought i was the nastiest peron on planet Earth! \n=(
412770
Oh my goodness this is soo funny.  Thank you so much for letting me tell this story.  Okay so awhile back one of my good friends Jorge (who's Mexican), his (now) wife (who is generally fairly quiet) and I were driving to a movie and my friend pondered outloud, "did you ever notice how different cultures smell like the foods they eat?"  I sort of tentatively muttered in the affirmative and he continued, "Mexicans smell like burritos.  Asians smell like fish.  Indians smell like curry."  We all laughed. Then I wondered and asked, "what do white people smell like?" Without skipping a beat, Fatima immediately replied, "sandwiches."\n\nOhhhhohohhhooooooooohh!!!!!! Did we laaaugh!!! And it's sooooo true!!!! If there is any cultural food of caucasians it has to be the sandwich.  Think.. PB&J. Hamburgers, Hot dogs, subs, philly cheese steaks.  They are all sandwiches of one sort or another!!!!!\n\nWe smell like sandwiches. Mystery solved. ROFLMAO
249216
i'm a sleeper too.  tomato juice, lots of it...it works...my dogster got sprayed up in the face by a cute little baby skunk...it was funny, and not...all at the same time..it was also 4 am so i wasn't very happy about getting up and going to the store with, actually two stinky dogs..one was brindle, so she did fine, but the other lol, i am so glad you asked this question, 'cause right now i needed the laugh, and i had forgotten all about this...the other was a wily little white one..she was pink for about a month!!!!  very funny stuff...