I need a few CLEAN work/on-the-job jokes!
137945
Try this one here:\n\nCOSTELLO GETS A COMPUTER\nCostello: Hey, Abbott! \nAbbott: Yes, Lou? \nCostello: I just got my first computer. \nAbbott: That's great, Lou. What did you get? \nCostello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. \nAbbott: That's terrific, Lou. \nCostello: But I don't know what any of it means! \nAbbott: You will in time. \nCostello: That's exactly why I'm here to see you. \nAbbott: Oh? \nCostello: I heard that you're a real computer expert. \nAbbott: Well, I don't know . . . \nCostello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. \nAbbott: Really? \nCostello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. \nAbbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know? \nCostello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. \nAbbott: That's true. \nCostello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? \nAbbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then . . . \nCostello: No, I told you I want to turn it off. \nAbbott: I know, you press the Start button . . . \nCostello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do. \nAbbott: I did. \nCostello: When? \nAbbott: When I told you to press the Start button. \nCostello: Why should I press the Start button? \nAbbott: To shut off the computer. \nCostello: I press Start to stop? \nAbbott: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer. \nCostello: I knew it! So what do I press? \nAbbott: Start. \nCostello: Start what? \nAbbott: Start button. \nCostello: Start button to do what? \nAbbott: Shut down. \nCostello: You don't have to get rude! \nAbbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant. \nCostello: Then say what you mean. \nAbbott: To shut down the computer, press . . . \nCostello: Don't say, "Start!" \nAbbott: Then what do you want me to say? \nCostello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop. \nAbbott: But that's what you do. \nCostello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights. \nAbbott: Don't be ridiculous. \nCostello: I'm being ridiculous? Well, I think it's about time we started this conversation. \nAbbott: What are you talking about? \nCostello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye. \n\n=============================\n\nand this one: \n\n\nTech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." \nCustomer: I don't have a P. \nTech support: On your keyboard, Bob. \nCustomer: What do you mean? \nTech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. \nCustomer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!! \n============== \nCustomer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? \nTech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? \nCustomer: Yeah.... \nTech support: And what sort of computer are you using? \nCustomer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... \nTech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! \n=============== \nTech support: What kind of computer do you have? \nFemale customer: A white one... \n=============== \nCustomer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. \nTech support: Have you tried pushing the button? \nCustomer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. \nTech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. \nCustomer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... \n=============== \nTech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. \nCus
571576
OK those jokes are pretty good and i also have one here waiting for you\n\nWhat did the pirate say after someone asked why there was a steering wheel in his pants.\n\nhe says: Argghh its driving me nuts! hehe sorry its kinda dirty but it was good (to me it was good)
618247
Practical joke for a smile [ something from spencer's ]\nCard for showing you care with something special wrote from you.
543678
G'day Poopsy,\n\nThanks for posting.\n\nI've had a rotten day at work and welcomed a good laugh.\n\nAnyway, I might try some of those remarks at Christmas time. However, as we are in Australia, we will have prawns (shrimp) and oysters so I mightn't be able to get away with using some of them.\n\nMerry Xmas to you and all your friends and family.
639419
Dirty Jobs is awesome!!  I love when the job takes Mike Rowe by surprise, and he gets this look like "you've got to be kidding... you want me to do what?!?"
652945
haha lol, time to get dirttttyy ... haha!
236290
Yeah it's an alright joke.... but this one's better I reckon\n\nA husband and wife had a small child, so for when they discussed makin' lurv, they used the codeword "washing machine" instead of sex.\n\nSo one night at about 2 in the morning the husband's feeling all randy, so he gently shakes his wife...\n\n"uhhhh, it's late what do you want?"\n\n"Washing machine" he whispers.\n\n"Washing machine? I'm half asleep, go back to bed!"\n\n"Pleeeaaasssee honey??" pleads the husband.\n\n"Argh! I'm serious Jack, I've got a busy day tomorrow so go back to sleep." and with that she rolls over.\n\nAbout 10 minutes later she's still awake and starts to feel bad, so she rolls over and nudges him...\n\n"Alright, I'm awake. Washing machine?"\n\nThe husband snorts awake and replies, \n\n"Huh? Oh... don't worry. It was a small load, and I did it by hand..."
151104
Diving into trash dumpsters to recover pieces of silver\ndinnerware that was accidently scraped into the trash cans\nwith food scraps at the French restr. where I worked. The\ncount had to match up at the end of every shift...if it did not, you took a flashlight and hit the trash dumpsters out\nback in the alley. Lovely.
634547
Check out www.jokesgallery.com.....OR look in the mirror!!LOL
560690
Go here:\n\nhttp://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
357280
For some Super Duper lame jokes -http://www.hevanet.com/benh/jokes.html\nhttp://www.cartalk.com/content/timekill/lamejokes/\n\nand for funny ones -\nhttp://www.coolquiz.com/humor/jokes/
543854
Go to jokepictures.com.
410400
advertise and go ask places that clean for a sub contract, then come clean my place for answering
158673
hmm i haven't been on here for a long time but you may wanna try jokes.com?\nor www.bored.com
567513
Random humour is by far the best!\n\nchocolate pants!
574551
Try these joke sites - www.jokes.com, www.comedycentral.com, www.ahajokes.com.\n\nMight help you.
265139
Set the mf up.  Make up something outrageous and when your boss asks you about it just laugh it off.  Keep doing that and he/she will either stop or get fired.