I had a baby June of last year. I lost him at birth. This was a child that my husband and I tried to concieve for 2 years. Every since then I have went down hill. I had ppd, panic attacks, diognosed with mitro valve, cronic fatigue syndrome. I haave not been able to sleep in my bedroom where the crib was since this happened. I have a fear of everything! I cant stay by myself, I cant go anywhere by myself. I dont really know why, Im just scared. I start feeling like I cant breathe. I dont think my doctors know whats wrong with me. I dont know what to do. I am so tired of being dependant on people. Im tired of feeling like a child. Please serious answers only!
137214
I'm so sorry for your loss.  There is nothing wrong with being sad about the loss of a baby.  You wouldn't be normal if you didn't grieve.\n\nI knew a couple many years ago that wanted a baby real badly.  The wife miscarried several times.  I still remember visiting them in the hospital -- I couldn't say anything, so I just sat on her bed for 20 minutes, held her hand, and then left.\n\nIt took a few months but she slowly returned to her "regular self".   I saw the couple every weekend, and what helped her recovery was:  (1)  Family support (she lived with 2 other relatives in a large home) ; (2) She got busy again, it was a family business.  I think this kept her mind off herself, and onto a regular routine.  (3) We prayed a lot.   \n\nI don't know what you think of prayer -- I know there's the connotation of it being a "last resort" or, wondering if Anyone is actually listening.\n\nBut a huge turning point in my life came when I read this: "For I know the plans I have for you.  Plans not to hurt you, but to give you a hope and a future."\n\nI was amazed the Creator actually had these thoughts for me.\n\n"How precious are Your thoughts towards me, O God.  If I could number them -- they are more than the sand."\n\nWow -- the Creator's thoughts for me are precious.   And they are so many, they are infinite.\n\nYou're having a difficult time, sis.  If you're able, just go out with your husband to a natural place.  Just gaze at how beautiful it is, and don't lose hope.   I know it's hard to read that, when everything seems hopeless.  \n\nI remember when I almost lost my wife -- I lost my temper with her and (GULP!) her parents were staying with us.  They wanted to take her away.  I just thought my world was coming to an end, and that I was falling in a bottomless pit.\n\nI was reading the Psalms, and a verse just leaped out at me.  It held promises.  "I don't feel like anything will change," I prayed.  "But I trust You."\n\nThat was 14 years ago, and I still have my princess.  (She hasn't changed the locks on the front door!)\n\nTry and eat nutritious food.   Fruits, vegetables.  Pure water, and take deep breaths.   Do simple exercises, and take walks.   If you can, listen to a song that uplifts you, and sing those songs.   (Do you have the soundtrack for "O brother, where are thou?"   Excellent bluegrass).\n\nI will remember you in prayer, sis.   And, by the way, the couple I mentioned earlier -- they now have 3 children!
223826
what's the one thing you love to do?..is it a place you love to go...a movie...a friend you haven't talked to in a while?  cause stress can kill you, i am a single mother of three, i know.  my oldest is a teenage girl who i love very much and i also know she can't stand me right now.  so take some deep breaths and either do or plan to do something for yourself, which doesn't hurt you or anyone else.  everyone has stress, it's how you manage it that counts.  good luck!
48321
if you feel someone is after you, or gonna hurt you, GET HELP!!! Inform EVERYONE YOU KNOW that you feel you may be in danger. You should not go anywhere alone!!! Don't become a victim. I am a mom with 2 kids and a family, I care about you!! Write to me at: javagirl09@excite.com I want to help!!
617287
sorry to hear about your situation.....it sounds like you could benefit from a support group or some one on one counseling....I would ask your primary care doctor for some referrals on both.....it would be a good chance to vent your frustrations, fears, depression, emotions etc.....if your situation is such thaat you are homebound or not able to find this help I would try an online support community..here is a link to one http://groups.msn.com/ChronicPainSupportGroupCPSG and another  http://chronicpainsupport.org/ \n\ngood luck...hope you feel better
286407
i understand where you are coming from i have experienced this and it got to the point of becoming suicidal i reached out for help whether i felt i needed it or not and now looking back on things i regretted doing it because it tears a relationships apart and you are scared for life. if anything seek help and help yourself through counseling and partial hospitalization because you are not alone and there are people to help professionally and if you feel uncomfortable with help seek a minister in a church they can also help but counseling is the best way because the are more open to receive your thoughts emotions and can help you with medications and can do tests to help. they also understand your hurt frustrations anger and no one has to know it is kept between you and them and in the long run reaching out in this manner you may find a friend and a support to help you through and gain back your respect and love that you may feel that is gone
595721
I can not say I know exactly how you feel but I felt the agony and suffered the pain that you are dealing with. You mentioned that you seen a shrink, and as a kid I did too and I hated them but when I finally realized I was almost at the end of the line I knew deep down I needed help. I have been seeing a psychologist, and he is amazing, you really have to find the one that you like. That may mean that you go through a lot of different ones but in the long run it is an amazing feeling and I look forward to my appt every week. Your coping skills have been lost some where along the way and you have learned to deal with situations that you don't want to be in by avoiding them, for example isolating yourself in your house away from reality. You owe it to yourself to find that doctor that you like and get help because life is a beautiful thing and you need to be able to enjoy it insted of trying to end it. It is great that you can say, you are who you are because somewhere in there you know that something is wrong. PLEASE, you know you do not deserve to go through this, no one does, so why let it continue when it can go away, it can get better, and if you get help IT WILL GET BETTER!!! good luck to you. my email address is ciao_baby19@hotmail.com if you want to email me anytime at all.
309744
I am dealing with the same things you are.  This is _not_ something you can fix by yourself.  \n\nGo find a local VA outreach clinic and talk to a counselor.  \n\nI have PTSD myself - and have good days and bad days.  The trick is to learn how to recognize the signs and use techniques to 'turn off' alert status.\n\nOne thing to remember: you were injured.  You are _not_ crazy, you are _not_ a danger to anybody else.  \n\nContact me via email and we can discuss this further.  You are not alone, and there are ther people who understand exactly what you are going through because they have been there themselves.
559250
To put ya mind at rest speak to a Doctor. They will have some answers for you and if they don't they will investigate. In the meantime take it easy, relax, and enjoy your time with the baby! Remember Stress can effect your cycle and your body has been through a lot recently, so book yourself an appointment to help put your mind at ease.\nxxx
182651
I'm saddened to hear that you live in this state.  Sounds like you were traumatized a year ago.  I've been through this. It's a horrible feeling. Asking these questions and reaching out for help shows that you are beginning to come out of it.  To return to reality,  face your troubles no matter how much it hurts.  Talk to a counselor, pastor, friend, teacher.  Continue to ask questions if it makes you feel better.  I wish you a bright future!
370749
One of the most frightening things you may find yourself experiencing is a "Panic attack" and it is very difficult to fully explain how it feels unless you have experienced one. The very first Panic attack often seems to come completely "out of the blue" and occurs whilst you are doing something that you do every day like driving to work, shopping, walking the dog, watching TV, cooking  etc. Suddenly you are struck by a barrage of frightening and uncomfortable symptoms and you are convinced that something terrible is going to happen to you there and then. \n\nPanic attacks can start for many reasons such as stress, overworking, bereavement, family, an accident, childbirth, following surgery and so on but at the time panic strikes for the first time you think you are doing fine and there seems to be no apparent reason at all. If you have subsequent panic attacks they too may seem to be unpredictable and random. There is now emerging evidence that anxiety and panic may have a genetic link.\n\nPeople that have never had a Panic attack assume that that it is just a feeling of nervousness or anxiety, but in reality the attacks are far more frightening and overwhelming. If nervousness is a 3 on a scale of 1-10, then a full blown panic attack is 11. \n\nWhat often happens next is that you begin to associate the Panic attack with the activity or place you were at the time so you start to avoid that situation. This is where the problems begin as each time you are forced into the situation that caused the attack, you automatically assume that it will happen again and start to re-live the feelings and this leads to agoraphobia and limiting of activities and leading a normal life.\n\n\nPanic disorder can be frightening, disabling, and frustrating both to recover from and  to live with someone with it. \n\nGetting appropriate and quick medical help is not easy and the slide from anxiety to panic and then to agoraphobia can progress quickly without intervention and support.\n\nOften the sufferer will not go out as they say they 'know' they are going to faint or 'have a heart attack'. See the "Symptoms" section for explanations of these feelings and the reasons for them. Please read the "Help yourself" section for some really useful information on how to cope.\n\nAs Panic can strike very quickly and often the trigger is not apparant, there is usually little warning that it is about to happen. It is not surprising, therefore, that many sufferers avoid situations that they think or 'know' might cause the panic attacks to happen. This leads to fears of situations or places that last caused anxiety and so the sufferer avoids them at all costs! This is agoraphobia. The problem here is that it can take months, even years, to re-educate the individual that it is their thoughts and assumptions that are to blame for these attacks and not the place at all but it still takes a long time to return to such places.\n\nTalking from experience, I avoid public transport because of several incidents in taxis where I was terrified and therefore starting associating any Public Transport with 'fear' and 'panic'. The problem then 'spread' to include trains, buses and eventually I was unable to get in the car with someone else driving. This is still a problem today. I do drive myself but the problems do not stop there!\n\nI was once told that if you 'sit a Panic attack out' to see how bad it can actually get it will reach a point where it can't get any worse and you 'automatically' start to calm down. \n\nIf you suffer from severe anxiety or panic attacks, but don't know it, then you can end up going to numerous doctors/ A+E departments with a variety of symptoms and self diagnosis only to be told that there is nothing medically wrong with you and you are not given any help, information or solutions. This leads you to the conclusion that you may have som
44971
You are not alone! Try to not let your self esteem be your worst enemy. You remind me of me. I have to force myself to not isolate. Have you considered you may be depressed? I started taking medication in '01 and life has become better. I'm not so "scared" of people. It's hard to change but it can be done. I found a wonderful man who accepts me for who I am and he loves me so much. You are a unique individual and believe it or not, no matter what people say or how they treat you, you have something unique to share with this world. Hope this helps. :-)
54420
You need to first of all take a deep breath and try to relax.\nIt can be really scary when someone you love is sick and on life support. Talk to your friends and family about how you feel. It is really important not to keep your feelings bottled up. If you have a religion or a belief in God you should pray about your feelings of being afraid. Sometimes when things are hard or scary or sad it is good to write down your feelings in a notebook or private place. It can make you feel better to get your feelings out in writing, especially if you don't feel like you have anyone to talk to. I can't tell you that everything is going to be ok. I wish I could. But sometimes things work out and people get better. Sometimes they don't and people we care about don't always get better. I will pray for your dad and I will pray for you. Good luck and best wishes.
54456
yes  u need to get out of yourself. you need to get up and get going. u may need meds to do this so see a mental health dr. 38 yrs ago i was like u and eventually went into an almost catatonic state--what i had was postpartum depression but didnt know it at the time.  i had to have shock treatments to come out of it.  u need help.  u cant do this by yourself or you would have by now.  theres birds singing and flowers blooming etc etc  you are missing all that.  i am sure u have a lot to give so get going and get help!   the best to you!!!!!
570588
Your story brings tear to my eyes. Maybe all you can do is emotionally fall apart. You need to grieve, and better now than having collapses when your baby is a toddler and getting on your nerves. It is going to be a whole new life for you, and you have to be prepared for some real suprises from him.  Get you court case ready - be prepared for even worse things - you don't know who your husband really is until you divorce him. Many men fight for custody when it comes time to think about child support - so be "prepared."  HE ALREADY HAS A NICE LITTLE STEP MOTHER THERE AND READY - SO STAY AHEAD OF HIM. Yes life is very cruel that when you are at your most traumatised you have to think about such horrid and practical things - but that is the way of divorce. It is the worst hell you will ever experience. I feel so sick that this is happening to you while you are pregnant and so terribly in need of protection and love. You have to starting thinking about the man you love as an 'opponent' now. It is easy to say but I know that it is a very difficult thing to do. Feelings are what thay are. What you need is to find people out there who will listen to you and let you cry on their shoulder. People are VERY IMPATIENT and they will expect you to get over things very quickly, so have more than one friend to lean on. You have a precious baby on the way and taking care of that baby (alone) will be fill up many spaces because of the overwhelming responsibily. You really have to find compassionate non-condemning, humble friends who can be there for you. You will be poorer - for sure so find some single mothers with babies - because they will be your greatest support system. Your social status has just changed dramatically - and that is one of the most difficult parts of single parentig.  So be "ready." I am sorry that I have very little that is positive to say. Just know that my heart breaks for you.
640532
Just reading your question you sound like a wonderful person..first you gave up a good job but your priority was your baby (who you love more than life itself) and your husband is happy with you and your kids love you..couple of questions?..has it been very long since you had your baby?..could you be suffering from post-partum depression?..Could you just be depressed?..Please talk with your doctor about your concerns..So much about our lives today are busy and as women we are caregivers. We ignore our needs. Your feelings   and thoughts may be a chemical imbalance in your brain (you have no control of) often just talking with a mental health clinician can help you pinpoint why you have those feelings and how to re-direct them or change your focus..Be happy (I know how simple this sounds) Sometimes the money becomes the focus and it doesn't let you see how important your family and your life is..I wish you the very best.. Let this new move be a new start for you and your family..sounds exciting but busy...
504016
I don't know what to tell you. You really worried me a lot. But if you are concerned talk to your doctor don't be scared of asking them questions, that's why they are there to help people that are needing answers. you can also visit the web med.\nI think that's all I can say, but I pray with my heart. god bless.
501311
I am going to assume that your hormones (because of your pregnancy) are contributing to your mental state.  It is hard to be alone when you are pregnant.  But you need to remember the reasons you walked out.  Being abused during your pregnancy is much worse that being alone.  It's not uncommon for a woman to still have residual feelings for someone who has abused her because our hearts don't always listen to our brains.  But believe me, you are SO much better off and your child is too.  Find things to occupy your time.  I don't know if you are working, but start a new hobby like working on a scrapbook for your baby or anything that you like to do.  Before you know it, you will be a new mother and you won't have the time or energy to worry about someone who treated you so badly.  Just remember, you deserve better.