Ok, here is the deal. I made commitments to go to my best friends wedding. We have known each other since were 5 so its really a big deal to her. But I live in Washington and she lives in Boston. Her wedding is June. Two weeks ago I was laid off. I just found a new job that will ABSOLUTELY NOT let me have any time off except sick days for at least 6 months. I told my friend that it may be impossible now seeing how she is so far away and losing this job would mean losing my house, car, etc. She still persisted I find a way there. I finally sent an e-mail and a phone call to her (voicemail b/c she didnt answer) and told her there was no way I can come now, and I was very sorry. Have not heard back from her. Any advice?
130277
Wow! I am kind of in the same situation and the only advice I can give is to take care of yourself first. I can see how there may be disappointment but if you can't go then you can't go. Best friends, even just good friends, should be able to understand something like that. Maybe she just needs a few days to get over it and then she will be ok. If you have explained the situation to her, and apologized, then that is really all you can do. You can't jeopardize a dream job and your livelihood for one day at a wedding. You can be there in heart, but don't risk it with a new job. People can go downhill fast if they lose even a week of work. The best thing to do is take care of yourself first. You won't be much good at a wedding if you are worried about your own personal issues, and employment is what enables people to be able to survive in most issues. Good Luck!
199634
i have a feeling she suddenly is not seeing you in the "best friend" light anymore, but rather as something more, and doesnt know how to handle it and needs time/space to sort out her feelings. pressing her to talk about it when she is not ready would alienate her even more. she'll come around, just be patient. you hovering around does not help her think.
339688
is she really your friend? because if she is, then she would not have left you there alone by yourself. she could have introduced you to everybody and made sure that you had a great time.  i also think that she is not your friend cuz she does not enjoy your company. the fact that she embarrassed you to her guests and asked you to leave is not in any way a gesture of friendship. so, why do you have to be bothered if this friendship goes down the drain. in fact, it has been in the drain already.  you will be better off without her because she does not care for you and don't waste your time on such a person. it is you who is a real friend becoz no matter what she did, you still want to save this friendship. look around for someone who deserves your kind of friendship and i am sure that when you do find that someone, she will be a lucky person to have you.
105154
you need to make a decision...is this person going to marry me and will it last forever. These arent questions that you can hope for but must be 110% certain that both answers are yes. Now this is probably very unlikely. Friends are your family, usually closer than family. You tell more to your friends than you do your family so they must be preserved at all costs. The way this situation has arisen then you must make the choice now and not later as there may be no later. Your friend is feeling betrayed even if you didnt mean it that way. You need to fix things with your friend first and maybe they will give you their blessing which would work well for everyone. If they dont call your new relationship off immediately.
250150
The best answer to give you is to wait and let the bride call you.  If you go asking from the first point on seeing her again she may not want to place you in her wedding party.  Patience is a virtue.  If she does not ask you then you might want to have a private chat with her and remind her calmly and cooly that you two discussed being in each others weddings and so on.  Ask why she left you out.  And let her know it hurt you.  But always try to keep the friendship the most important part of the things you share with your friend.  Is being a bridesmaid so important that the friendship dies?
164298
I think that you should pass on this friend.  I know you love her and that you will miss her, but she is headed in a different direction than you.  You have yourself and your future hubby to think of - don't let guilt feelings make you invite her when you think she might bring that guy and ruin your wedding day.  It sounds to me like you are better off without her.  You can enjoy the memories of the friend she used to be.
346516
you should have a heart to heart talk with her. you have every right to get upset with her after all she didn't honour your request. but you could have handled it better. \n\ncall her and ask her to meet with you. apologize for reacting the way you did but not for the reason. it was your life she was discussing with her friend and you have every right to choose who knows about it. but don't let your friendship end because of it. if she cares enough she'll understand where your coming from. \n\ngood luck!
582279
Wow, you're screwed.  It's her best friend, right?  That's doghouse for a long, long, long time, pal.   You gotta miss the game.  Rarely would I ever suggest dumping a game over a wedding, but you got no choice in this one...unless you want to be in pain for a long time.
8474
wow-i can relate having moved in w/friends a month ago after leaving my husband. be honest and upfront. sit her down w/your facts written out in front of you.\n\nHave a time-line for you to leave if she cannot pay her share. If she's in over her head - offer to help her find subsidized housing/sell her place etc.\n\nIt's awful to lose good friends over money, honesty is the best policy before you and your other half resent her or worse. Good luck and Happy New Years, Pat
27311
I'm sure your mother means well, but she doesn't understand the hurt and pain that you are going through. It's easy for her to say "Put it away" because she's not the one who was betrayed.\n\nWhether or not to attend the wedding should be entirely your choice. Don't let anyone else guilt you into going. If you are still working through the hurt, you have to do what's right for you. Everyone has the right to set and maintain their own boundaries and to work through their pain on their own schedule.\n\nDo what you know is right in your heart, and don't let anyone else make you feel bad about it. You don't owe an explanation or justification, either. Stick to something simple: "I just don't feel ready to do that" should suffice.\n\nHopefully someday you'll be able to work through this and have a relationship with your sister. But that's something that cannot be rushed, and no one else has the right to push you.\n\nDr. Barb Nefer, http://www.bnlifeskills.com
67299
OMG...you can't "start something" with a woman you can't be up front with... TELL HER the wedding was called off, don't "hint", just tell her straight up. Then you ask her what her status is, just flippin' ask... "So, Susie, I can't believe I've been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn't even ask what's up in your life...How's work? Are you seeing anyone special? How's your family doing?\nGood grief, just talk to the woman, it's not that complicated unless you make it complicated.
173656
I had a best friend from college.  He was the DJ in my first wedding.  I was a bridesmaid in his first wedding. He was at the hospital the day my twins were born. 15 years later, after we were both divorced, he finally kissed me.  I asked him what took so long and he said he was afraid because he didn't know how I felt abou him!  After 5 years of dating,we got married in Las Vegas and we willhave our 2nd anniversary 8/31/2006! I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. GO FOR IT!
582796
I hate to say it, but this is one argument that you're not going to win. The fact is, this was her wedding. She shouldn't have made you uncomfortable during your stay, but by the same token, you could have made other arrangements if it wasn't comfortable for you. And you did agree to be her maid of honor, something that you either could have turned down, or split with another bridesmaid. It's not unheard of to do this. \n\nIt probably wasn't an issue of punishment, more an issue of first come, first served, and you would have kicked someone else out of a bed. \n\nWhat it comes down to, it was her wedding. That means that she is going to be in the right in her mind, no matter what you say. My suggestion, leave this out of the equation when you talk to her. She'll just get defensive and you'll look petty. Take some time away from her. If your friendship will survive, it will happen in spite of this. Eventually, and if someone else brings it up, she will probably understand what she did was wrong. \n\nLet her make the decision about "de-friending". By asking the question, you've already made up your mind. It's not something that you can just choose to do; feelings aren't that temporal. If there are issues, they'll come from a long ways off. See if time and distance will help, and see if she's making any movements towards reconciling. You may need her later to throw you a party!\n\nGood luck!
492896
Sorry to hear that you're going through a period of difficulty.  We all do at some point.  \nDo you know this woman you are marrying?  Is she a stranger? Or do you know her well? If you know her well, than I would say she is your friend.  If not, please comfort yourself with the love of your family and also remember that you are about to have an even larger family once the union is made.\n\nMy strongest advice to you is to pray, if you do.  Ask for health, a successful marriage, continued success on your job, and no moments of unhappiness.  You are still young.  Try your best to enjoy life. Do acts of charity.  Seeing other people happy makes me happy.  Maybe it can work for you too.  Best of luck. You're already a success to me.
476927
Think of it this way - you save yourself money in not having to buy her a wedding gift.  I think it was rude on her part to invite some co-workers but not all, that's why it's best not to invite anyone from work - it saves this kind of thing from happening.  Don't get upset about it, look at it like it's one less thing you have to do.  It sounds like your work "friend" is really more of a friendly acquaintance.  I had the same thing happen to me - my boss and I get along really well but when she had her annual halloween party, she didn't invite me - and instead invited a woman nearly 30 years older then us.  I was shocked but I didn't let it get to me.  Just do your work and don't worry about her.
621185
My friend was jealous of my relationship with this guy I was hanging out with (she is married, I am not). She listened to someone else and their opinions and freaked out on me at the bar, in front of everyone and called me a sl*t and other names. We were supposed to go on a trip together in a week with a group of friends. I canceled my hotel reservations. Then the friend whose birthday it was heard about it and she asked me to still come, saying she would uninvite the other friend (they were closer than we were). Told her she did not have to do that, but the trip was pretty awkward. Our friendship was never the same after that, even though she apologized, and now we aren't friends anymore.
69285
yikes.  what did she say that was so awful?\nmaybe it's okay to move and take some time.  she's family; you can always reconnect later.\nhaving an open conversation about what's going on, though, is far better than her just moving quickly and no one talkign about it.  try to stay friends!