My husband and I argue about the answer to this. He says an elderly European lady told him the American women differ in their answers...You are in a boat with your child and your spouse. You are the only one who can swim. You can't save both the spouse and child. Who do you choose? I say the child. My spouse says the European women would answer Spouse, as the children will eventually leave you but your spouse is forever. Can anyone give me some feedback on their thoughts?
122195
The child obviously. If he were mine, I would save him first. \nA child is a part of the mother and her main reason to live. A person that dares to consider herself a mother should feel that protective instinct that even animals have.\nAny true parent would give his life in order to keep their child alive, healthy and happy. No matter the country.\nSometimes the education from other continents makes some difference between people's attitude.\nBut when it comes to a child. The most basic instinct should arise-protectiveness.\n\nI'm not a mother, but if he were my child I would rescue him.\nP.S. I'm European.
51526
What, the sharks will be polite and just *not eat* whomever you save? Sorry, I'm nitpicking.\n\nUh, I guess I'd save my pet. My wife would not be thrilled if I came home with a lover. (And my best friend is kind of a donk...so no great loss.)
439204
This is a good question on an even better topic.  It is very important to make your wishes known as to what you would prefer should you ever be in a position where you are unable to make those decisions.  I make sure my parents know I do not want to be on life support.  This is a very smart thing to do, and highly recommended.
667473
This could be flipped the other way as well.  Say she wants to keep it and he doesn't. All of the sudden, he doesn't feel responsible for the child because SHE made the decision to keep it.  The whole debate is unfair, but there's nothing we really can do about it.  Utimately, the person carrying the child gets the decision.  I don't think the man could get too upset about her decision, unless he agreed to take full responsibility for the child.
253715
America has a high rate due to selfishness.  If the other person doesn't do it for you, hit the road, Jack.  Marriage takes commitment, work, and the sacrifice of your wills for the benefit of the other.  In essence, IMHO, if you are not willing to die for your wife, then you are not ready for marriage.  I love my wife so much I would be willing to die in her place.
510550
I HAD TO MAKE THIS SAME DECISION ONCE, IT WAS FOR AN AUNT, GRANTED NOT AS CLOSE AS A MOM BUTSTILL REAL DIFFICULT!!  YOU HAVE TO HONOR YOU MOM'S WISHES, SHE TRUSTED YOU WITH HER LIVING WILL!  IF IT'S A MATTER OF STOPPING LIFE SUPPORT, THEN DO AS SHE ASKED,  IF SHE'S ABLE TO BREATH ON HER OWN, AND YOUR CHOICE IS HOME OR A NURSING FACILITY,  TAKE HER HOME.THERE IS PLENTY OF HELP OUT THERE, HOSPICE WOULD BE THE BEST!!  GOD BLESS YOU, IT ISN'T EASY, BUT DO WHAT MOM ASKED......REMEMBER SHE TRUSTED YOU TO MAKE THIS DECISION!!
19865
I have been in this same situation.  This is not advice, but how it transpired for me.  My ex-wife was not good for myself and my two sons.  I left her.  I had those same exact thoughts and dilemma on what to pray for. Take her back and get the good and the really bad.  Or go solo with two young children and deal with loneliness and single parent struggles.  What I realized was that my ex-wife was not doing what I believe was the will of GOD. And that was to take care of us and do what was pleasing to GOD.  So I opted to take the less traveled road and not go back. 14 years have passed since then.  I still have my sons.  I have my second wife now going on 12 years.  I have an adopted daughter who is almost 4.  My life is tremendously better than it was back then.  Why? I found a person who REALLY loved my sons and myself unconditionally. Also, she was a real living example of a Christian.  By the way, her first husband ditched her after she sent him through numberous colleges.  Funny how GOD works. Sometimes your answers will come in the most unusual ways.  GOD gives insight and wisdom to get you through. Take Care of yourself. You will do what is right.  Just remember, there can be great gain by experiencing loss.  Also, I am not an advocate of divorce. However, it is necessary for the welfare of the children and yourself if your spouse hardens their heart with no recourse after much prayer and pleading.
216245
That's two different types of love, my friend.\n\nYour children don't necessarily come first -- They just need and deserve "you" for all of their life.. not just now but forever.\n   You, on the other hand, need and deserve, to find happiness also.\n   This really isn't so much (about the other woman)  OR the children wanting to be "first", is it?    \n    \n    You don't really appear to be ready for a lasting relationship with another adult.   And that's ok.  Maybe, now is the time to just enjoy "dates" without any commitment.  \n\n    If you are, in fact, the type of person that you say that you are, you will first take care of yourself, health and finance wise.   You will continue to always be there for your children, and you will (in time) should you choose, find another individual that shares your interests, \nand respects your opinions.   \n\n     We have in our hearts the ability to love in many different ways.. our love for parents, our mate, our children, our friends, and even our pets, are all different types of love.   We don't "run out" of love, or use it all up.\n\n    These "dates" you refer to... are being selfish, when in fact, should see you as the good person you are, caring for your children.   But if you are starting relationships and yet, giving the impression that they won't last.. what do you expect, but to be left alone..\n\n     I can't stress enough that I respect you for your question --- but I "read" more inbetween the lines... than you actually wrote ---  You are the one that is not ready.\n\n    It's sort of like why they say:  \n"If you and your child is flying and the plane loses cabin pressure --- YOU should use the oxygen first..."  the reason is so that YOU can take care of your child.. \n\n    So -- be there for them.. now and always.. AND when you are ready, find someone to share your life with, your children will grow up with a father that loves them, and will love the person that loves (them) and their father.\n\n   They will want YOU to be happy, also.
614440
The wife has NO rights to the child of another woman.  Her husband may, if he chooses to claim paternity, his claim holds up. and a court grants him something more than just a financial obligation.
73333
Well, tell me why one parents look after their person, if they are born woth disability, Do you expect the parents to throw the disabled child in the dust bin. Its love that binds the parent to the offspring. They continue to take care.\n\nSimilariliy if you dont have love you may neglect your parent who is effected with cancer. \n\nRemember if you are the same effected person tomorrow in old age, do you also expect your children to abandon you?
30049
Throughout history, women have had a deep understanding of when it is time to bring life into the world and when it isn't time.  It's a deeply personal decision and not open to speculation by the right wing or the left.  It is your choice.  Consider your situation.  The bringing of life should never be based on what a man is or isn't to you and your child.  The decision should be made on whether or not you want a child, period.  What kind of boyfriend do you have that you would consider abortion before you consider discussing the options with him?  The hardest decisions are never about the quickest solution but are instead about the right one.  I stand by this and for the record, I've had an abortion, I've given a child up for adoption and now, at 38, I'm in a good place and am raising a 7 yr. old daughter.  Having done all three, I am STILL not qualified to tell you what to do.  Your soul, your heart, your intellect will need to speak for you.  Good luck!
580911
Naturally, the choice is yours.  But, whichever you choose, you will have to live with the consequences of your choice.  If you were to choose the unsaved guy, you will be unequally yoked, a direct violation of a Scriptural command.  There will be consequences.  This is especially true if you later get married.  I can't begin to count the number of unequally yoked spouses that have been counselled because their marriage is in disarray.   Why?  Because the husband objects to the wife's standards or commitments.  (Or vice versa)\n\nIf you go with the saved guy, it is a better choice, Scripturally speaking, but he may not be the one that God wants for you.  I recommend that you pray for the Lord's will, and have Him make plain to you who He wants for you.
133172
In Ohio, it's 100% to the wife.  You would need your kids to be down as contingency beneficiaries.
69008
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
590665
I don't know the answer to this question. \n\nOh, sure, I have "head" answers that would seem to make sense; but I've never experienced this situation and learned wisdom from having gone through it.\n\nI do have a child with cystic fibrosis, but his genetic illness is not recognizable except by all the medicines he takes and treatments he follows; otherwise, you would not know that he was even "sick."\n\nSo to me this is very different from a horrendously formed child with lots of physical difficulties. (Maybe we're talking spina bifida here, or multiple schlerosis, or Down's syndrome, or something worse in terms of impact.) \n\nObviously the "religiously correct" answer is to believe that God is in control, that everything works out for the best, that he will give strength to endure, that the child will be a blessing no matter how long he or she lives (days or years maybe).\n\nIt's one thing to make this judgment for oneself and one's own family. It's another matter to cricitize another human being when  one does not have anything at stake. How on earth can I tell someone ELSE what they should do? I can encourage them, offer my support and time, pray and cry with them, share their grief, but I'll be d*mned myself if I'm going to condemn them or give them a pat answer. \n\nThat's why most answers by people to questions like this bother me. They don't see a problem with telling someone else faced with an emotionally devastating prolonged situation what they should and should not do about it.\n\nAnyway, if I were in that situation, I would pray that I and my wife would have the strength to do whatever God told us to do. I would be begging God for mercy and understanding and peace. I would be begging for healing for my child... or at least a sense of blessing.\n\nI have heard the stories of some parents who have pushed forward in the face of such things. Some stories end tragically, others end up transforming everyone involved in positive ways. Those stories are a testimony to God's grace and goodness in the light of what appears to be tragedy. Such experiences change us forever.\n\nI've known people with mental deficiences who, despite not being able to communicate well, still manage to exude love and compassion for others to the best of their ability, setting examples for others to follow. Sometimes they can also be hard to deal with, due to emotional outbursts and the problems of physically caring for them. \n\nIt's not all an "inspirational Disney movie" such as we would like to portray it... but there are high and low points, and people are people, and you just take what comes at you and deal with it.\n\nJust was reminded of my visit to the orphanage in China when we adopted our daughter... there was a whole room of babies with cleft palates, who had been abandoned because of that condition. It's easily treatable over here ($200?); over there it's devastating. Some of the children were abandoned simply because the parents knew they could not afford treatment but the government might be able to. \n\nI remember how close I was to weeping, being in that room full of these kids -- and that one's nothing compared to some of the things we are discussing here. Again, parents must decide what they believe, and then push through no matter what, taking whatever comes along the way.
254686
I only have 2 children, both males and both Marines.  I hope this will spread the word.  I'm sure all Military are told the same thing.... It's good to get married because you get bigger pay checks, benefits, etc. so they encourage it.  What they don't tell you is that all those benefits end up costing you more in the long run.  Would you (being the military one) have more money in your pocket without a spouse spending all of your money while you are risking your life for our country?  Love and marriage is a wonderful thing if done for the right reasons.  Like anyone else, follow your heart and not the benefits.
319705
The tough choice in life, i was in a similar situation a long time ago, the first question is, do you have a good support system or the father of your children that can help take care of your children temporarily till you get your life together, it seems from this letter that you have to prioritize with  what you have to do before you end up homeless. My only suggestion is survival and a strong will get you through, and only you can help yourself even if there are tough decision you have to make in order to survive.  always, empathy in CT