i don't know how to let go of the relationship. we broke up back in october but remained very close, and now i'm 15 weeks pregnant with his baby. when he found out, he stopped talking to me. now he wants to be a part of my life again, and his up down up down support is making this harder for me to let go. i don't know what to do, i don't want to be with him again, but i still care deeply for him. i want him to be able to be part of the baby's life... but i need the time to get over him!!
120302
HAVE YOU TRIED TELLING HIM HOW YOU FEEL!? LETTING GO IS NEVER EASY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR AROUND ONE ANOTHER ALL THE TIME!! BUT, AS A WISE PERSON ONCE SAID, "WHAT DOESN'T KILL US WILL MAKE US STRONGER" AN I BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE! I THINK YOU OUGHT TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER ALL TOGETHER UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN(SURE LET HIM COME TO DR. APPT. AN STUFF) BUT AS FAR AS SEEING ONE ANOTHER DON'T DO IT! THIS WAY IT WILL GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU NEED TO GET OVER HIM AN HE CAN STILL BE INVOLVED IN THE BABIES LIFE!!! AN THEN AFTER THE BABY IS BORN AN IF YOU STILL FEEL THE NEED TO BE AWAY FROM HIM THEN TELL HIM! THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF PARENTS RAISING THEIR CHILDREN WITHOUT HAVING TO BE AROUND ONE ANOTHER! I KNOW THIS CAN'T BE EASY FOR YOU(BEING PREGNANT) AN ALL!! BUT, I WISH YA THE BEST AN HOPE THAT MY ADVICE CAN BE SOME HELP TO YOU! IF YA WANT YOU CAN EMAIL ME AN I'LL TRY TO HELP ANYWAY I CAN!!!\n\n\nBEST OF LUCK!!!
173272
It seems to me that he is far from ready for the responsibility of partner hood and parenthood. His respect level for you seems very low in light of his degradation of you and not support. He may be insecure and refocusing this toward you, however his immaturity is stopping him from seeing that he is making you feel insecure also and more to the point, he is destroying your self esteem and worth and ruining what should be the most amazing experience of your life. I know this isn't what you will be wanting to hear, but I honestly cant see this getting any better in the near future. Perhaps you could talk to his parents and solicit, for want of a better word, their advice and support.Not to mention that of your on. No-one can tell you whether to stay or leave, in the end you will do what you will do and I realise you love him. But you must always remember to love yourself and make that precious baby you are carrying your first priority. I feel sad for you. No-one should be having that kind of stress at this or any really, stage of your pregnancy. But if he is like this now maybe you need to ask how much worse it's going to be or get when baby gets here and whether you want to wait to find out. I hope you find a solution that enables you to be happy and content.Good Luck.
298808
Sounds like he just isn't ready to be where you want him to be.  You ever heard of the BabyBoy syndrome, I think he has that.  He's selfish and childish and you need to stop wasting your time.  He's going to get you pregnant and then he will have no interest in you anymore.  Get out of the rut, leave him and do something positive with your life.  He isn't ready for what you have to give him.  If he is doing this now he will NEVER put into the relationship what you do.  And this gets really old really quick... trust me.
10069
He doesn't own you, you don't need his permission to move on if you yourself want to. What makes it hard to move on is ourselves. I am speaking from my own experience. I told him it's over between us but I still couldn't get over him because I still love him. If you don't love him anymore, it won't be hard to move on. Why should you care it will hurt him? If you care, it means you still have feelings for him. So the question is how we stop loving them because what and why they do things won't mean anything to us anymore if we can let go.
358170
Oh wow!  Went through what you're going through last month.  It's called DISCIPLINE!  I learned to focus my energy on other things.  Pray, eat, close your eyes when you see him, ANYTHING!  Girl, do NOT let him see you sweat!  Time heals all wounds...and no one said it would be an easy recovery.  Tell yourself that you want to leave him alone...plus did you say he has a girlfriend?  \n\nThat right there would be motivation enough for me, jizel...it just ISN'T WORTH IT!  The right man will cross your path in due time...just have a lot of patience...I do, and I'm not even thinking about another man...honestly...it took me about 3 weeks to get over the fool I was with.  And now I feel better than he could ever make me feel.  Now he realizes how much he misses me because I stopped answering his calls and even stopped calling him.  I stopped giving him a reason to make me feel anything other than disgust for his no good, lazy, no money having a*ss!\n\nTHIS TOO SHALL PASS.  Be strong, jizel, I know it's hard, but God won't let you go through something He doesn't think you can handle.\n\nKeep your head up and your smile too...\nMo~
178531
The best way to get over a guy is probably by hanging out with your other friends.  Staying busy and have few friendly dates with other guys ( no strings attached ).  If you are pregnant well, that can be a different story.  Think about it. If this guy is going to do you wrong while kind of dating and lying to you. Do you think he will be good for you or to your child?  Think of it this way.If he can lie to you and possibly even cheat on you then you really don't need him.  You deserve someone better. Life is too short to be stumped over someone who doesn't love you the way you love him.
314171
Hi there again. Was thinking about writing direct but didn't want to bother you again.\nI had a break up last June after a 7+ yera relationship/engagement and it took a little (underexagerating) time to get through.\nThe fact that he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all made me even more upset. I couldn't figure out how he could just walk out and that be it. No contact, no explanation of why, no nothing. People need some kind of closure to move along the healing process and I didn't have that.\nWhen I finally started thinking a little more clearly (took about a couple months), I started to realize the reason he was able to walk away as cut and dry as he did. It was because he had already been done long before he'd walked out.\nI started being able to put myself on the outside, looking in instead of the inside, looking in (hope you understand that). Then I started allowing myself to realize all the things that weren't so great and hadn't been so great for a while.\nI went from a deep sadness and loss to realizing I was worth more than how I was treated by him, either directly or indirectly.\nToday I am glad he left and didn't ever try to contact me AND I'm also glad he left.\nMy belief (and I've seen it proved many times over) is the karma people like that earn will pay them back tenfold for what they uncaringly do to people.\nOnly you will be able to put this to rest within yourself and only in the time that is right for you.\nI wish you all the best in the world. And try to remember you are worth more than the sum of one cheating man.\nAlso, sorry this is so long.
653619
Baby girl, there is nothing for you to do but heal and move on with your life. I know that it is easy to say and so hard to do. But it sounds to me that he is exploring other options or that he wants to and he does not want to keep you holding on. I hurt for you, I have been there before. At least you two can part on good terms if you allow for that to happen, don't push and don't be so available. Maybe this is the best thing for you, this may be a blessing in disguise. I know that it hurts and you are going to cry, you are going to miss him and at times you are going to feel that you cant go on without him. But you will, you can and you have to.  Being in love is a tricky thing, you can love just about anyone but it takes someone extremely special to fall in love with and it is extremely hard to stay in love. Just know that you WILL be OK with or without him.
341482
Girl i was in the EXACT same situation!!!!!lol.I went with my gut and i went with the good guy.....my baby's father showed his true colors and cursed me out,and that's when the simply fact of him changing was fount out to be a lie!I thought to myself,my good guy would NEVER do that.....we've been in situations that we were going to stop talking,and a curse word never even left his mouth.....go with the good guy....baby fathers never change.....trust me in a couple months when he's still in his dirt,you'll be kicking yourself for letting a good thing go.
183135
time heals all wombs it's going to hurt and yes you will miss him but just give it time and you'll get over him if you really want to and you try try going out finding someone new stop talking to him and in time it will go well
385619
First off if she has moved on with her life and has started a family then maybe you should move on as well. \nI understand how you feel though, and I know its not easy but sometimes its best to just let go. You may get hurt trying to have a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship. She may no longer feel the same way for you and that can be a real heartbreaker. Honestly though I would call her just to let her know how I feel and see how she responds to that. If she gives you a bad reaction then move on with your life there are plenty of women who will love you and only YOU. \nIm pretty sure she wont be looking forward to leaving her husband after just giving birth 3 weeks ago.\n\nAnd you know how some men can be their ego's get all involved and it can be a sticky situation. Just be carefull and don't give your heart to someone who doesnt deserve it.
197636
You have to ask yourself do you really want this person raising a kid? It sounds like he can't even take care of himself. He's not doing it to you. He's doing it to himself and you just happen to be part of it. Yes, this situation is awful but you just have to accept it and move on. Try and lean on friends and family. Look into non-profit programs to get what you need (whether it be food, housing, day care, or just someone to talk to). Him being in your life and the baby is going to bring you nothing but trouble. So you'll just have to trudge thru this. It will be hard but you and your kid will be better off without him and his problems.
202355
I am the same way that you are, the guy I am with is the one for me as well, and we also have a baby on the way. But my jealousy and Insecurity did kind of hurt us, because things are not the same right now, and we are both trying to get back to the way we were, because we both really love each other, and do not want to lose one another, plus we want to because of the baby. I had to learn the hard way to not be that way, because he would never do anything to hurt me. So the best advice I can give you, is just dont let your jealousy get in the way, I mean it isnt going to go away, just dont let it get the best of you, because he will either change (not for the good), or he will end up leaving you. I had a bad past too, and this guy I am with is PERFECT for me, so just try your hardest to let go of your past, and tell yourself that this is your present, and can also be your future if you just let all the bad stuff go. Trust me, I do not wanna be the jealous type anymore either, but it is just something that is hard to get rid of. If he has been able to handle it this long, then he is a great guy, my boyfriend put up with it for a LONG time, but theres only so much one guy can take, so please stop while you are ahead. I hope this helps some.
121649
You can't just stop, but you can let go.  Unfortunately it doesn't matter who you are and how good or bad your relationship was, when it comes to change it is scary.  You have to figure out how you are going to survive on your own and while you have a responsibility to yourself to be happy and end this relationship, you still have a responsibility to your kids to make sure they are taken care of physically and emotionally.  Take your time and come up with a plan that you can live with.  Talk to a lawyer and make sure that plan is in the best interests of you and your kids.  Then execute the plan so that some day down the road you can find true happiness.
510074
I'm sorry to hear you're in such pain.  Unfortunately, hurting comes with the territory; it will lessen over time.\n\nYou can do things to help yourself, though it might be hard:\n\n1.  You broke up for a reason, don't forget that.\n\n2.  He is now involved with someone else, and you may be crushed that he moved on so quickly.  Don't be; give yourself time...his moving on is no reflection on you.\n\n3.  Be honest with yourself about your real motivation for keeping in contact with him.  You've tried to talk to him...he does not want to talk to you.  Accept it and stop torturing yourself, your attempts to speak with you aren't getting you anywhere.\n\n4.  You may think it's wrong for him to respond the way he is, but look at it from his perspective:  You broke up; he's involved with someone else and you keep calling him.  You can let go, and it's annoying to him.  What reason would he have to talk to you other than to tell you to leave him alone?  What if the situation were reversed?\n\nNo, it isn't easy.  Having been there, I promise you you'll get over him in time.  You'll look back on this and wonder what all the hoopla was all about. In the meantime, stop calling him; it's not healthy and you're only hurting yourself.  It's not going to bring him back to you.\n\nTake care...
104423
My advice is don't pick up the phone when it's him calling.  He wants you back because he's lonely and he hasn't found anyone else yet.  It's hard to be lonely, I'm sure you felt like you wanted to get back with him when you first broke up, but if you are really over him and don't want to endure more weeks of fighting, just don't pick up the phone, so you can let go and so can he.
242620
Oh sweety I know exactly what you are going through. I had a 5 year relationship with the father of my son and God knows I loved him to death but htings didn't work out. WE broke up and I cried, many nights and here I had this little guy who reminded me soooo much of his father. SO trust me it's VERY hard but time heals all. I met someone who makes both me and my son Very happy. Given time someone will come and steal your heart away, and youll forget whats-his-face. Good luck and hang in there.