He's not a bad person although he's in jail for having drug's in his car at a traffic stop, however he comes from a good loving family and he realized that he's made past mistakes and while he's been in jail he's learned a trade to better himself. He's really turned his life around. So should I trust him or not, should I take the chance in becoming his wife??
129312
If it's love, you'll wind up marrying him and waiting no matter what anyone says and you might be right....Babydoll, I don't know your jailbird, so I can't make any comment about whether or not he'd be worth waiting for, but I can tell you this, with absolute certainty: Loving an inmate is a VERY HARD ROAD....it's about slogging through endless paperwork, it's trying to keep up with rules that seem to change every week, it's waiting for incredibly expensive collect phone calls that might or might not come and when he doesn't call, praying with all your heart that the phones in the day room are just either too busy or broken and that he's not hurt or on lockdown, it's becoming obsessive about checking your mail and the heartsick feeling that comes over you when the letter you want so badly isn't there,it's about getting writers cramp and spending $20 a week on stamps and stationary, it's about dealing with either keeping it secret or dealing with disapproval of the relationship everywhere you turn and mostly it means living in a future you can't be sure of and that really does take a toll.\nIf I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, but I've loved the guy for over 20 years and I can't quit now...and I'm almost 40, so it's not as if I'm spending my youth dealing with the Dept.of Corrections...think carefully, Sweetie, it is a hard, hard thing to do and no guarantees.
673890
I feel bad for your situation. What most people don't realize is how many people are in this same situation. There are millions of people in jails, that eventually get out and want to be a productive citizen of our society.  I believe it is wrong not to forgive a person, if they have paid their debt to society.  Isn't that what the bible says! Jesus died for us to forgive our sins.  I only hope your faith stays strong during this trying time and support your husband in this time of need.
438735
i would tell you to make sure who you are with is clean and dont stay single over this there is a thing called tests to see if you or this man you might fall in love with can get and it now days pays to be safe rather than sorry in my opion?
18799
First of all, I wanted to say that I'm sorry about your situation. Sounds like ur in a hard place because you love your husband and even though he did wrong, your family should let you be happy and if being with him makes you happy, they should accept it. I think, however, you may never get them to fully understand or accept the situation until he is out of jail. It probably won't matter to them how sweet or lovable he is behind bars. They will have to see for themselves if he continues to be the great guy you say he is once he is released.  If they don't accept him after that, I don't know what else you can do about it but pray they will and continue to have a healthy and blessed marriage. Best of Luck!
661202
I would'nt go see him. His behavior proves that he's not truly the man you see on the outside. People like this are good at putting on the mask that'll work to get them what they want out of you. I'm sad to have to say it, but it's the truth.  Especially if he's locked up, you'll become an outlet for his manipulative personality. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're wrestling with feelings for him. It'll only stroke his ego. Winning him back would only result in an unhealthy co-dependant relationshiip. This type of user psychology need to be desired and needed by others to floati it's ego. You'd likely convince yourself that you DO need him. And you don't honestly. Being happy with yourself is critical before one can be truly happy with another.
373530
You will have to earn back his trust a day at a time.  Please- no more writing to inmates.  I am a nurse at a men's prison and most of those guys are totally scuzzy- they are always looking for a scam and may involve you in one.  They have nothing but time on their hands.\n\nIt sounds like you have made a hobby out of "dating".  You need to find some other interests.  Take a drama class,learn to dance like Shakira, or learn a foreign language.  If you think you need therapy to explore some of the decisions you have made then go that route.  That may help your husband trust you more because he will know you are committed to change.
356188
well if he's in rehab, you don't have to worry so much about drugs because he's taking care of business, right ? and you can't blame him for his past if he's trying to make a change. If you like the guy, give him a chance. IF you don't, then don't. Color should not have anything to do with it.
535945
You should treat everyone with respect. \n\nYou may not be ready for marriage yet, but he may be.  Have you considered whether he might be the right husband for you?\n\nIf you decide he is, don't let him get away.
584192
Take it one day at a time.  If he is a good man, he will show you over and over again that he truly is.  Let him in a little at a time.  You'll be just fine.
456122
If you feel that he is... in your gut... then he probably is. I have learned through experience to trust myself, and I constantly tell girls all the time to TRUST THEMSELVES as well. You know yourself better than anyone.... Can you be with a guy you cant trust.. If the answer is yes, Then maybe you should get some councelling of your own. You cant be a doormat, you cant have love with out trust. Good luck
504396
Call the Courts of whatever city he is in....I think you should not listen to these other people saying you should not marry someone in Jail.....You cant help whom you love and if you feel you love this person no matter what then do whatever it takes to marry him!  When you are in love you will always love that perosn.....Unconditionally!   I hope you figure out how to marry him!  Hes lucky to have his girlfriend out there supporting him, trying to make you two "one".....Let me know how everything works out!  And Good Luck!
217825
if it was a one off i would say stick it out if u really love each other but it seems to b a on going thing him going to jail u need to get on with ur life in a steady relationship with someone thats always going to b around for u not in and out of jail
605200
OK let's think about this... a man you were with for six years left you because you were in school trying to educate yourself and have a better future. Instead of supporting you while you were in school he chose to forget all about the six years you were together and get with someone who got him off more often. You mentioned before that you are a Christian so I am assuming you know what the Bible says about adultery and sinful lust so we won't get into that. But I think you're a smart girl so just ask yourself... do you really want to settle down with someone who compares his women to illegal drugs? Women are queens and should ALWAYS be treated as such. You need a King beside you... not someone like the man you described. If he is not willing to stay by you through school how would he handle you having a job, or children, or other things that require your attention. This guy does not even seem worth a second thought. Don't sell yourself short. And I know it sounds cliche but if he did it before, he'll do it again. He didn't make a mistake... he knew what he was doing and he thinks he can just keep you dangling but you're worth so much more than any lie he could ever tell you. It's good to forgive but you don't need someone like that holding you back.
653334
well welll...... looks to me like the guy was in real trouble when the wife found out and he is obviosly put the family as priority .......  with the chemistry you feel he probably knows that it is not possible to be descreet and he doesn,t want trouble.  As life would have it though he probably thinks of you a lot and its just a matter of time before he takes a risk..... my advise is move on there is a lot of good breams in the zambezi
425569
Id like to say good luck and that it will.......BUT....you need to remember that you dont know what things are like on the otherside of the fence.....how is it possible that everything is her fault.....i dont honestly think it is, there surely must be reasons why she has moved out on him so many times.....i think you should ask to meet his wife, to understand all aspects of the relationship.....if not for anything, but your peice of mind to know, that things are really as he says.....
104398
Babydoll, I don't know your jailbird, so I can't make any comment about whether or not he'd be worth waiting for, but I can tell you this, with absolute certainty: Loving an inmate is a VERY HARD ROAD....it's about slogging through endless paperwork, it's trying to keep up with rules that seem to change every week, it's waiting for incredibly expensive collect phone calls that might or might not come and when he doesn't call, praying with all your heart that the phones in the day room are just either too busy or broken and that he's not hurt or on lockdown, it's becoming obsessive about checking your mail and the heartsick feeling that comes over you when the letter you want so badly isn't there,it's about getting writers cramp and spending $20 a week on stamps and stationary, it's about dealing with either keeping it secret or dealing with disapproval of the relationship everywhere you turn and mostly it means living in a future you can't be sure of and that really does take a toll.\nIf I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, but I've loved the guy for over 20 years and I can't quit now...and I'm almost 40, so it's not as if I'm spending my youth dealing with the Dept.of Corrections...think carefully, Sweetie, it is a hard, hard thing to do and no guarantees
185569
Since he is married, I think you better off stay away from the situation. It isn't do any good for you and him and his family neither. Believe, you don't want to get involve as a mistress. For him, may be that's not the first time since his wife is so controlling and he wants something special or new, for you, may be straightly a winner kind of feel since you win someones husband. But That will be a nightmare. And since his wife is so controlling, you will never know what she will be doing to you and him. Hope your story will not be another CNN top story. Take care! Think before you act. If you can, find another job! If not, get a boyfriend or pretend you are taken. You don't need to tell him anything, so it won't hurt your subordinative relationship with him.