He yells about everything My kkids and I don't know how to act around him. He make fun of us too! He drinks everyday and gambles. Doesn't pay the bills on time. I have tried to be quite and take it.But here latly I have been lashing out. (just with my mouth) Mainly telling him I am tried of the way he treats us. It seems to make things worse. My mother is dying and he is not there for me throught that. He hasn't even seem her. What do you think I need to do?
119827
leave him- you deserve better
516723
Shouldn't the fact your son is criticizing you at all send some sort of alarm bell off in your head? This relationship is not normal. Parents are usually the ones who have to be concerned for children's well-being.\nI guess the question you should ask yourself is: Does he have a legitimate cause for concern? Is he the only one who thinks you drink too much? If he didn't care about you, why would he even bother?\nMost parents of adult children no longer get drunk; at least not silly drunk. Is your behavior a cause of concern to those around you when you drink? Do you regret things you've done or said when you've been drinking?\nIf so, he might have a point.
488376
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
141801
He sure sounds like a spoiled brat to me. Have brother with the same problem.  Well, 1 thing is for sure: cuddling him like a baby will only reinforce his present behavior.  Forgive me for saying this but his attitude reflects the way he was being brought up.  You might want to explore a different approach than the 1 you guys are used to...probably a firmer approach? you can't be wishy-washy about your decision 'coz he won't take you seriously.  Be harsh if you have to be harsh...if you really love him, find the courage to hurt him for his own good. you can't be there for him forever...if you ask me, son or not at his age he should stop living a parasitic life and should be kicked out of the house. good luck.
621835
Sit down and talk to him. Ask him what you can do to show him you're responsible and build up some trust. See what he says. Maybe it's something you're doing/wearing/how he percieved your friends that is causing him to feel this way. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is really your mom's behavior. Whatever he tells you, if he feels you need to make changes to (re)gain his trust, follow his advice. Do you babysit/do odd jobs/have a more conventional job for extra money? If so, bring that up. If not, think about maybe doing that this summer to prove you do have a sense of responsibilty. Do you have younger siblings? If so, how do you treat them? I'm just throwing stuff on the table. I have no idea of who you are or how you behave. I'm just someone who's probably about your dad's age trying to get you thinking from an adult's point of view about reasons that I might not trust my almost 15 year old. Good luck...and I hope you can use something that I wrote!
194882
he is probally lying to you about going out they always say that stuff to make you feel better.  it is not going to get better right away at first it will get worse. maybe you should talk to him and tell him how left out you feel and that it is his kid you are caring to it would be nice to spend time together.  maybe you should talk to him about moving back and see what he says.  If things didn't change with the bar situation and him always wanting to be with his friends and family i would tell him that i was moving back home that may change him and it may not. but that is totally up to you to decide what to do. i have a 4 month old baby and his dad used to kinda do the same thing with his friends and i told him if it didn't stop i was moving back home that useually works. if it don't maybe you should consider moving back by yourself because i can tell you it is very hard to raise a newborn by yourself because you have no job or anything. just ride things out for a while and see if he changes and actually sticks to his word.  congratulations on the baby and best of luck!!!!!
630593
So from you wrote, I get the impression that you agree with him.  What has happened to put you where you are at?  I will say that everything that is happening in your life is due to the choices and decisions that you are making.  I don't know your age so this makes it somewhat difficult but from the signs of it you must be a teen, since most teens feel this way.  Parents don't hate their children, and even though we want the best for our children we do make mistakes at times.  The thing you have to realize is we have walked the walk and talked the talk.  We have stumbled and made our own mistakes and don't want you to make the same ones, soooo we try to protect you from yourself the best that we know how as we stumble through this thing we call parenthood.\nIt is very difficult to let go as a parent and we end up frustrated because we don't want to even though we know we should.  It is very irritating to see and watch our children make decisions that we know are going to bring about pain, try to remember that even though it may seem like the thinks those things it probably because of the inability to let go.  \nYou sound like you aren't happy though and that is the begining.  Try sitting down and talking with you dad, try to mend the broken fence and find out why he feels the way he does. \nMake a decision to start making choices that will give you the dicipline and direction that you are seeking.  Set a plan of action up and try to follow it.  Make a list of things you want to accomplish then start with number one and work through it.\nDiscipline is what you father wants for you I'm sure, and half the battle may be that you just have not accepted that you want the same thing since you can tell it's messing up your life.  No matter what though............you're relationship with your father should be up there on your list of priorities.  He does love you even if he's failing miserable at showing it.  Talk, Talk, Talk..... I thought that this poem fits.\n\n>NAIL IN THE  FENCE\n\nThere once was a little boy who had  a\nbad temper. His  Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every  \ntime\nhe lost his  temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.  The\nfirst day the boy  had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next  few\nweeks, as he  learned to control his anger, the number of nails  hammered\ndaily gradually  dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold  his\ntemper than to  drive those nails into the fence.  Finally the day came  \nwhen\nthe boy didn't  lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and  the\nfather suggested  that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he\nwas able to hold his  temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally  \nable\nto tell his father  that all the nails were gone. The father took his son  \nby\nthe hand and led  him to the fence. He said,  "You have done well, my  son,\nbut look at the  holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.  When\nyou say things in  anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put\na knife in a man and  draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say  \nI'm\nsorry, the wound  is still there. "  A verbal wound is as bad as a  physical\none.
500332
Doesn't sound as though you can do much. Pointing it out to him or suggesting counselling will only add fuel to the fire right? On the other hand...who wants to be around someone who constantly complains, b*tches and brings everyones mood down because he's a jerk?\nYou can always tell him you're taking the kids and screwing because you can't tolerate this and it's cruel to the kids. Beware though. You call his bluff and he calls it....you'd better be ready to follow through or you'll never, ever gain any ground again.\nGood luck with Grumpy!
185050
May I give a freind your e-mail address? He's been drinking for years but keeps saying he wants to quit before he gets too old.\nAs for me I am a little mean to him, I won't buy him beer, I won't be around him if he is drinking and I won't even talk to him on the phone.He trys to make me feel guilty but I tell him if he wants to be around me be sober!\nI won't plead or beg him anymore, but I do pray for him.
239928
Sadly, I had this problem with my husband too.  We sat down with the elders of our church after he threw a glass at me that bruise all the toes on my left foot.  The very nicely explained to him a series of important scriptures on how he can learn to value me. \n\nBut also after it happened, my dad gave me some great advice, so simple, but it really worked.  OVer the phone (my husband travels for a living) I told him that some members of the congregation were aware of what was going on, and he explained that he wished I hadn't told people, and I told him that I hadn't, (my sister and husband also live with us, so it's not like there aren't witnesses) but just that they were made aware of it.  (If other people find out about it, they get embarrassed, like the rest of the time they're in denial, but when others find out about it, they can't pretend it didn't happen.) I told him that from now on, WE weren't going to hang up the phone on each other, WE weren't going to be throwing things at each other, WE weren't going to be saying "I'm going to leave you!", WE just weren't going to do any of that.  Mind you, I've never done any of that to him, but it sounds better to say "We" than 'you you you'.  His response was, "it's going to take some time" and I said, "no it's not.  Right now, that's when we're starting.  We don't need any extra time, it's already been three + years of this, and we're just going to start from right now." I think he was surprised.  My tone wasn't angry or yelling, it was just straightforward.  He hasn't thrown anything at me since, and he still gets irritated, but that's natural.  Throwing things and cussing me out is not.  \n\nIf your husband has any kind of spiritual nature, I encourage you both to sit down and read this scriptures together, which have really helped us.  What it boils down to, is that usually a husband doesn't respect himself, and since you are his 'one flesh' and 'complement', if he doesn't respect himself or is insecure, he may not respect you as well.  I try to build my honey up whenever I can and tell him how great he is at this or that and that there's no reason for him to be insecure.  (by the way, the cup-throwing incident was because I fed the cat a piece of shrimp on the couch, which you would think a cat would gobble up, but not my cat, he sat there licking it. Hubby wasn't happy at all, I admitted it was dumb and I wouldn't do it again, but he got so upset, he actually hurt me, so I understand the 'small things' that should never make them that upset. The real truth is that there are underlying issues, not just the shrimp.)\n\nEph 4:26 Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with YOU in a provoked state, 27 neither allow place for the Devil. 29 Let a rotten saying not proceed out of YOUR mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be.\n\n(In other words, a person is going to be wrathful at times, but the point is not to sin or get to a provoked state without resolving it, to do so leaves open a place for the 'Devil' to disrupt your family, possibly leading to divorce. (Satan likes divorce, since it breaks up God's divine arrangement of marriage. We certainly don't want to leave a place open for him in our families.)\n\n\nEph 4:31 Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from YOU along with all badness. 32 But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU.\n\n(Basically, God forgives us for the many things we do, surely we should forgive each other for the minor things.)\n\nEph 5:28 In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever
287931
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.
567921
He's worthless.....so start weaning your kids from him.  Never talk bad about him in front of the kids.....they'll eventually will learn and have their own opinions of him.  Any father who doesn't want to spend time with his children is a worthless piece of sh*t.  If worse gets to worse....you could always tell the kids that he moved far away.   Best of luck to you..........
304867
Honey it is time to step and ask yourself do you want to life like this. He is not only abusive but controlling. It will not get any better................
569406
Honey, you are not overreacting at all.  This man does not respect you.  I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling.  Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years.  You've lost yourself in this relationship.  I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man.  He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature.  You stooped to his level.  What you should do is leave.  It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man.  Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.  \n\nI don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder.  I speak from experience.  I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man.  And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband.  I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day.  Why should I live with that, and why should you.  \n\nHow dare he stop you from working if you want to work.  That's a way of him staying in control of you.  Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there.  Start planning your way out.  You will be so happy when you find yourself again.  And don't forget, God is there for you.  Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.
184747
If you have a 2month old w/him & 2 other children in the house & he still acts like that yelling & what not then you need to decide what is more important. Your kids or him  Apparently you know what is the most important or you would have not quit drinking YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR LIFE. They are you miracles your gifts from GOD. You need to take care of them before you worry about a loser who obviously doesn't care about you, his baby, or himself. Things change tremendously when you have kids either he doesn't have any other children or this is his 1st or he is a dead beat dad whatever the reason he still needs to grow up.
449986
You are obviously still young enough to find a better person.  This guy has waaaay too much baggage for you to carry.  Take it from someone who wasted alot of her young adult age on the same guy you just described.  Believe me, you're wasting your time.  At first, because we were "in love", he was all for the "help" and did alot to stop the bad habits he had.  But after a few years, he started to resent me, because I had "tied him down", "made his life boring"  you get the picture.  Then when he became depressed, because he wasn't having any "Fun", (If you call drinking yourself unconsious fun or getting arrested because you started a fight at a gas station, fun)  He was so pissed at me all the time, because he couldn't go "out" that he started to verbally, then physically abuse me.  I tried to stick by him,  help him, I always told him that "all I wanted to do was help him", he just said I was trying to control him.  He would purpously start fights with me just so he could leave and use me as an excuse to go "out".  The funny thing is , I refused to listen to my mom.  I paid for it with nine years in hell, and I haven't seen my family for twenty years.  Please while you still haven't been through hell, get out.  If you choose to stay, keep in touch and on good terms with mom, you WILL need her someday.  Watch out for the warning signs and take care of yourself.  Good Luck
591952
You said this just started and for no apparent reason. Maybe it is just that you have no clue to the reasoning behind it. I am not saying he is justified in treating you like crap or doing things in front of the children that he shouldn't but there has to be a reason for it. Have you tried asking him what is going on. Maybe something has happened and for what ever reason he can't or doesn't know how to share this with you so in turn his actions is a result of what ever is really bothering him. You have made it clear you won't put up with this so stress this to him again that if he can't share with you what is going on you can't try to help him with it but that he isn't going to take it out on you either. He needs to make the choice as to what to do and then you can choose what to do based on how he feels. I really feel for you hun as something happened to my ex husband and he thought he would become physical with me until I told him he would die before he hit me again and of course the final results was I left. I couldn't fix something that I had no clue as to what was going on and I was not going to be hit on or abused in any other way either. I hope he comes around before you leave him but do what is best for you and the children hun!!.