I am very prude and have major relationship issues. It is not that I have issues with maintaining a relationship but that I have an uncapability to understand body language and therefore let out to people that I am flirting with them and and interested in them. (I cannot tell when I do this, obviously.) Furthermore, it takes me months (and once, even more than a year) to gain an interest in someone. \n\n How do I give them the general idea that I only want to be friends and that it does take ages for me to like someone? (Any advice on the body language and speech would be very much appreciated). Thanks!
133086
Tell them staright that your are friends. and do not want to take the next stepor you can tel them a lie that you are intrested in some1 else. tellthem as a friend do not try telling them straight they will then let the matter rest and do not try to get u to like them.\ntake cdare !
482372
Ok... I've got two answers for you... so here goes...\n\nThe simple answer:  Probably.\n\nThe more complicated, and more important answer....\n\nYou are insecure. You know this... I know you know this, because you are an obviously intelligent person, but you simply haven't gotten to that point where you are really comfortable "going for it." I know this, because I was the same way for most of my life.\n\nGuess what? So is she. So is everyone. Everyone is insecure about things... over time those insecurities change to different things, but everyone has them. Yeah, most likely she likes you... but here's the best part, even if she doesn't, it doesn't really matter. Let's say you go talk to her, and ask her out... there's only really three things that can happen:\n\n1) She says yes, all is well and good with the world, you go off and have a wonderful time, and who knows...\n\n2) She says no. It doesn't matter what the reason is, just be nice and courteous, and let her know that you were interested, and to have a good life or whatever. Remember this: being nice now truly will be good for you later. After all, she might be taken, but that doesn't mean her hot friend is.\n\n3) She doesn't give you a clear answer. This can go a lot of ways, but usually if a girl doesn't make it fairly apparent that the answer is no, that means that the answer would be yes, except there is just something else going on that is keeping her from saying it. That can be anything from purely an insecurity issue, to having just gotten out of a relationship, and not feeling ready to date, etc... but the important thing is this: She didn't say no.\n\nIf #3 happens, let her know you are interested, tell her something nice, and let it go. In a week or two, take another shot and see what happens. If you end up doing this a couple times and she simply isn't going to say yes, then assume there is something you can'd do anything about, and move on.\n\nAnyway, good luck... and ask her out.
363906
i didn't get my first kiss or first relationship til i was 24. it was a long wait and i know it can be frustrating.. but try not to let it bother you..  there's not much you can do other than live your life and try to keep a possitive attitude..  feel free to click on my profile and send me a message if you'd like to talk further..
91351
I hear ya. They all say they don't but they do. I was talking to a female friend because I've been having trouble in the dating department and she told me the same thing. Don't rush things but make sure you show her you're interested when I asked her how I was supposed to do that she only told me to shut up. \n\nI think if you find someone who that kind of crap doesn't matter when the both of you can just be into each other and not worry about whether you're calling to soon or if you should wait that's when you've got something. \n\nGenerally women want what they think they can't have... that's why if you act slightly disinterested they are more intrigued then if you just come out and say the stuff that's on your mind. \n\nGirls aren't the only ones who do it guys do it to. It sucks but that's just  the way it is.
139420
Well, if you're gonna tell them, there's no way not to be obvious.  Just tell 'em, no point in being embarrassed...so what, you like them.  If you tell them you'll most likely know how they feel too. If they don't like you, then you can focus on moving on.  But if they like you too, then bingo, things could work out.\nNo matter what you do, stop thinking about embarrassment...think about the person.  \nTry to get them in person in a comfortable place (like after school, at the mall, outside, coffee shop)  or give 'em a cute note asking to hang out sometime (give it to them, not their buddy who could read it first...that way you don't have to put ur name on it either which could save any possible embarrassment if he turns out to be a jerk.  Good luck!
648541
If you find out how to get past the "friend barrier", let me know.  I hear a lot of women say they want to be friends with a guy & then date him, but I also know several girls who say I'm a great friend & have no romantic interest in me whatsoever.  Usually, I try the honest approach & tell a girl I'm interested in more from here, but have only had limited success at best with that idea.  Still, at least if you're honest & tell her your feelings, you won't be wondering years from now what would have happened if you had the guts to tell her.  Best of luck, & I hope everything works out for the best.
551394
OMG- You're ME! I am the same way. I good with people, but I'm not good WITH people, if that makes sense. I know I'm sweet, nice, generous and lots of other positive things. I tend to put myself down before others get a chance to, but my self esteem is improving. I have a BF who adores me and I'm making a serious effort keep our flame going. I'd say you should go into a clothibg store and just try on several different outfits just to see how cute you can be in differnt clothes. Do your hair a different way and try to be social with people. I know it's easier said than done because I'm like a brick wall around people I dont know. It take a LOT for me to get comfy with new people, and my "open" is still not considered open to others. My BF said I need to let loose and communicate more and just be relaxed. Maybe you overthink things, like me- always wondering what everyone else thinks... just let go and stop worrying. A BF will come sooner o later, dont settle for just anyone, make sure he's worthy of you. Good luck! By the way, I am a 21 y.o. plus sized girl & I think I look great. Just dress to flatter your body type and have confidence.
113004
Sweetie, just be his friend. If you get a chance to get him alone, talk to him and just let him know that you like him as a friend but you usually don't talk to him around his friends because you know that they will make fun of you. You can't make someone like you so if you offer him friendship and he rejects it, then he's just a shallow jerk and who the hell needs him anyway? Hold your head up high and be proud. Don't let them make you feel less than you are. I can tell that you have a good heart and you're a very sweet girl, so if they don't like you, you know we do! I think you're very special and sometimes people in this world just don't know what to do with a good, genuine heart like yours. If they don't, then they deserve your friendship in the first place. It may not be much, but you do have us and we'll be your friend. The people on YA are good, caring people who don't give a damn what you look like. And don't say that you're unattractive. Email me and I'll give you a few tips to improve your appearance if you're really that concerned about it. Just realize that true beauty comes from within and from what I can tell, you are a true beauty. I've seen your answers and questions and your a sweet soul with a beautiful heart, so the one's that don't think so can just piss off! God bless.
544871
It's the nice comfy sweatshirt thing.  You see, in moving 1/2 way across the country, he had to give up his home, the folks he casually said Hi to everyday, his favorite pizza joint, etc.  He's lonely at his new place and has decided he wants friends.  Instead of letting them develop, he wanted some already instant made.  Well, there you are.  He already knew you, etc.  \n\nI had this happen to me.  Yes, he's interested.  Yes, you can have a relationship.  However, with everything being new to him now (but him learning it later on) that there will come a time when he doesn't need so much attention ... and he may develop into the guy you knew when he was in town.\n\nI wish I could say "Go for it."  My problem with trying it out is that he really does need to stand alone for a little bit, so you aren't the sudden substitute for his lack of companionship.  It gets pretty draining and depressing being both a person's newfound companion but also his blame when he feels he needs other friends.  You don't need that.\n\nGood luck!
155184
I had a hard time talking to guys when I was younger. I would get so nervous that the thought of talking to him about anything but maybe a basketball game seemed impossible. I understand that the direct approach is a no, this doesnt come easy for all of us. The spreading of the word is an okay idea but just because you hear someone likes you doesnt mean you will believe it. I would suggest letting a mutual friend know that you like him and having them see what he thinks of you. It may seem like a not so great choice of action but it can prove to be successful. If you are not up to that get a friend to go on messenger or something with you (presuming your guy friend has it also) and let them type for you and ask him what he thinks of you. I used to use that one all the time to make me seem bold while I was biting my nails in the background. Good Luck!!!
82596
I believe I know what you're talking about and it's sad that you and other people have to refer to love/romance/sex as "the game".  I don't like playing games when it comes to my heart and I refuse to play them.  That's why I don't follow specific rules when trying to meet people.  I don't waste my time on certain pick up lines.  I try to look good, but I'm not going to change how I like to appear for a woman.  I'm not going to try to act better to impress someone either.  If you are really looking for a relationship with someone, then why do all those stupid things?  Your true self is eventually going to reveal itself in the end anyway and a lot of break-ups happen because people find out months or even years later that they really don't like who the other person "really is".  So yes, I am 28 years old and I've been fed up with the game since I was a little kid.  I started observing B.S. things about relationships and how to start one very early in life.
411952
If you really like someone, of course you over think things. You are only trying to be stategic but be your own person. All your head is trying to do is be tactful but be natural so the person you talk to will not think your putting on a show. Approach her/him and be polite and nice not sleazy. Manners are always free. Listen and respond to them as well.\n\nGood luck.
647488
Look at as if you just got a new friend. Treat him as just another friend (for now).  Try telling him this too, maybe? Go do stuff that includes other people and just act normal. Go camping, fishing, to the bar, a park, etc. After a while if you try to act friendly then it will become natural. "act a part long enough and it will become a part of you" I don't remember where I heard that quote from, but it's kind of true...think about it.  Keep conversations normal, as you would with friends, and then later on when you have a relationship with him you can get into the personal questions...as you would with any buddy.
167955
wow i'm in a very similar situation right now and its tough.  if you are having a conversation with him, try to touch his arm as your making a point.  it also wouldnt be a bad idea to simply say "you're really cute".  its better to let them know that you like them than to never try at all.  good luck, e-mail me if you have any more questions
49541
Rather than label your problem and tell you to get therapy, I would like to give you hope. I have a good friend who has similar issues that your describe. He has great difficulty with intimacy and is close to only a few people outside of immediate relatives. He has not dated in years. How does he handle the problem? He developed a trusting friendship with me and I give him the support he needs anytime he calls. Does he think he is attractive? Probably not. Is his self-esteem low? Maybe...but the key to his willingness to work on his problem is knowing he has one person that no matter what will always be on his side. \n\nOne of the biggest things that I could recommend is opening up to someone. Rather than think you are ugly (something that may never go away), recognize that ugliness is YOUR PERCEPTION. The love of a friend looks beyond the outside. If you put this trust in your friend (or friends) and possibly consider taking a medication for the anxiety (that is what you are describing), you can slowly emerge from the self absorption that is distressing you. \n\nRemember, no one finds love or overcomes loneliness without giving to another. There is someone out there that wants to give to you. Try it little by little. \n\nWorse case scenario: What is the worst thing that someone could say to you? If you aren't sure or if the answer sounds ridiculous as you write it down...consider a social anxiety disorder. No matter how strong you are, being anxious can paralyze your efforts. Address the real problem and you will find your answers one by one.\n\nGood luck friend. I take care of my friends.
352976
I will take the first step to be social towards a man but I don't know about 'making a move'. I guess, if you call being the first to talk to him etc making a move then definately. My fella is very shy and he thinks I'm way above his league so he would never have made the first move to talk to me, thinking that I would straight out reject him. I could definately tell that he was interested so I made it easier for him. If I hadn't done that, we wouldn't be together so I'm glad I did.
336119
The first thing that I notice about people is : confidence.  Do they look you in the eye and seem interested in what you are saying?\nJust try to stay calm and talk about stuff that you are interested in.  Let the other person speak and listen attentively.\nMy friend has this SAME problem.  Don't be upset by being a little quirky - all my friends are strange and that's why I want to hang around with them!\nIf nothing seems to be working, maybe you could see a councilor.  Hope that you start to feel better soon.