An eagle was feeling frisky one day.  He spotted a pretty little lark flying by.  He swept down, grabbed her and took her behind the bushes.  The feathers flew, and the lark came out some minutes later.  She tweeted, "I'm a lark and I've been sparked!"  The eagle was still feeling frisky, and soon a dove flew by.  He caught the dove, took her behind the bushes and had his way with her.  Soon she flew out and cooed, "I'm a dove and I've been loved!"  Still the eagle was feeling frisky.  Then a duck flew by.  The eagle snatched the duck.  Back to the bushes they went.  The feathers flew and there was quite a commotion.  Finally the duck flew out and quacked...
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"I'm a drake and there's been a terrible mistake!"
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Mav got up and went to church even though she really wanted to be on top of a mountain looking out over creation.  \n\nPreacher was the long winded one, and Mav has a short attention span, but she got to say goodbye to her friend that is moving.\n~~~~~~~~~\nEDIT\nEri - NEVER skip breakfast! Just eat it later. :D
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1. Gathering chickens\n\nThe farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.\n\n"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."\n\n"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."\n\n\n2. Try to grow chickens\nA New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.\n\n"That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied.\n\nA week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.\n\n"Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together." \n\n\n--- ► λ ◄
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I would compare myself to an American Eagle, that flys high in the sky with a keen sense of eyesight. I believe I have a great sense for people and their predictability. Eagles also have great talons to hold tight to their prey; just like my heart to hold and protect my close friends.
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lmao the first one was a DUCK!!!! my mom calsl me a duck...lol
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Three Girls Go Camping   \n \n  One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. \nWhile she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. \n\nThen they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in." \n \nNot Going To Try This Again   \n \n  A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. \nShe tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. \n\nFinally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. \n\nShe starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
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I think unfortunately for you that this bird has flown.\n\nWhat do you think she'd rather you have done, broken it's next and taken it home for tea?\n\nI suspect she might have changed her mind about staying because she was unnerved by the incident. Chat to her about it and see if you can find out what she thought about it.\n\nThose bloody geese of yours come here for their holidays, I'll make a mental note to keep well away from them if I'm dating!
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Little Bunny Foo Foo hoppin' through the forest, scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd down came the Blue Fairy, and she said:\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo I don't want to see you scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd now I'll give you three chances, and if you keep it up, I'll turn you into a goon.\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo kept hoppin' through the forest, kept scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd down came the Blue Fairy, and she said:\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo I don't want to see you scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd now I'll give you two more chances, and if you do that again, I'll turn you into a goon.\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo kept hoppin' through the forest, kept scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd down came the Blue Fairy, and she said:\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo I don't want to see you scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd now I'll give you one more chance, and if you keep it up, I'll turn you into a goon.\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo kept hoppin' through the forest, kept scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nAnd down came the Blue Fairy, and she said:\n\nLittle Bunny Foo Foo I don't want to see you scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' em on the head.\n\nYou disobeyed me three times, so now POOF! you are a GOON!\n\nAnd the MORAL of this story is: HARE today, GOON tomorrow
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lol. that's funny. the dove is in the bible. noahs ark too
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Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch." The other says that he cannot tell. So a woodpecker lands on the small tree. The big tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech or a son of a birch. That gentlemen is the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker in!"
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The roach slithered down the Rex's throat and I could hear it's sharp mandibles scraping at his vocal chords. He let out a loud yelp and jumped back from the grave.\n"No, Rex," I said. "Leave the bugs alone. We have work to do."\nMy shovel plunged into the damp soil like a knife tearing into a Thanksgiving turkey. \n"You dog is choking," Mandelbaum said. "Stupid mutt."\nI turned away from the grave and glanced at Rex. The dog was indeed choking and it made me laugh. "Serves you right."\nWith a violent hack, Rex vomited up the insect. It was huge, green and slimy. It scurried away and Rex looked as though he might give chase, but I snarled "Enough!"\n"Do you think she's still alive down there?" Mandelbaum asked, wiping his sweaty brow. The man stank of onions and formaldehyde.\n"She is." I said and went back to work. \nRex eyed the grave, watching for more roaches.
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Nature sure has a sence of humor. I had a dog that was so gay. He was in love with my Redneck neighbor's dog. They were totally in love. My neighbor couldn't handle having a gay dog and built a pen so his dog couldn't jump my fence anymore. His dog wouldn't jump into anyone elses yard or out into the hood. He would come over and make sweet love to my dog. I had another male dog in my yard then as well and my other neighbor had two females. The females would jump my fence and get down with my other male dog. My gay dog and the Redneck's dog would have nothing to do with them. Thinking back on it, I had a backyard brothel.....
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Hey, on top of old Smokey is now covered with grass, cause I saw a bald eagle a scratching his  , now don't get excited and don't get alarmed, cause all he was doing was scratching his arm.
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It's just a myth. Mythbusters adam and jamie borrowed a duck and took it to an ampitheatre to test the myth. The ducks quack did indeed echo exactly the same as the other noises thus proving it to be b*llshit. Fascinating stuff. I thought it was true too until I saw that show...
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That was cute...I liked it!  Thanks for sharing!  :)
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I'm ROFL!!!  *here's one for you! (since I can't give you points)........\n\nA Story with a Moral\n\nIn the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake.\nThe hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh... if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."\n\nThere was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."\n\nThere was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly... and I will grab him."\n\nIt also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.\n\n"Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."\n\nYou probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there's more...\n\nA wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish... the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."\n\nA cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought - as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time - "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear... and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch."\n\nThe poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.\nThe fish swallows the fly...\nthe bear grabs the fish...\nthe hunter shoots the bear...\nthe mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...\nthe cat jumps for the mouse...\nthe mouse ducks...\nthe cat falls into the water and drowns.\n\nThe moral of the story is:\n\n\nWhenever a fly goes down three inches, some p*ssy is in serious danger.
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My pet Emu -Larry- says you are mistaken. In reality birds do not fly. See, you were outside, enjoying a lovely day when you stumbled upon a group of kids playing in the park. What you saw was nothing more than a fowl ball.