We've been together for 3 years in July and are scheduled to get married July of 2007. But the arguing is rediculous. What do I do to keep the peace?
137407
Maybe you should both go to a coulselor and put the wedding on hold. That's what I would do. No need to rush into a wedding if you cannot get along.
543292
Yes, I've had a problem with this myself. Altering the way you deal with things will only happen over time. If you think about it, you've reacted a certain way all your life so changing things around will take time and patience (which of course is something you don't have!! Don't worry, the irony was not lost on me either!)\n\nFirst of all, accept the things you cannot change. In my experience there are a lot of árseholes out there, certain friends of mine will always be very money oriented and my first marriage did not work out. I no longer fight it, I accept it. \n\nThis is going to sound like self-help book bull but when someone is mean to you, or does something to fundamentally upset you, respond with a smile and with kindness. It really throws them which is amusing and which in turn makes you less angry. \n\nWhen it comes to interpersonal relationships (i.e. wife/husband/mum/dad) have a mental look at your previous arguments and see how they went. Do you labour on a point relentlessly? If so, did it get you anywhere? Have you ever recorded yourself having an argument? Do you look "sane" and rational? Chances are that you don't. When you are having a 'heated discussion' stick calmly to the one point you are debating and don't let it become a list of everything that person ever did to annoy you. And remember, once you raise your voice your point is invalid.
270251
Seriously, the only real solution is to make plans to be together at some point if you want it to last.  Otherwise, it's just bound to get difficult to keep the flame alive.  So, as long as their is hope of being together in real time at some point, then you can keep it rolling.  Otherwise, it will fizzle in time.  \n\nMeanwhile...e-mails, phone calls, video chats....to keep the love alive.
473712
Sorry, but the writing is on the wall if you pause to read it: Abandon ship.  Better to accept you've made a mistake now, then try to ignore the rather obvious flaws in your relationship with your guy and get married, only to get a divorce later on.\n\nWhile I am mindful of the fact that only your side of the dispute has been presented here, your boyfriend embarrassing you publicly by ditching you at some sort of gathering, and apparently being un-repentant for that immature display is double trouble.\n\nThe immediate next move is an ultimatum - either treat you with respect, even when you are in disagreement (it is possible to do), or don't let the door slap him in the butt on the way out for the last time. \n\nStand up for yourself.  NEVER, and that means NOT EVER do you allow ANYONE on the face of the earth to demean you.  And even worse, to do so publicly.  That is a cardinal sin in a relationship, and if you can't come to terms with your guy on that issue, you will save yourself much greater grief down the road by dumping the little boy now.\n\nGood luck.\n \nOh, and, if you dump him, keep the rock.......
599028
Now my spouse makes me feel complete. It only took 30 years. All I can say is you have to compromise. If you fight, you can't leave , you can ignore each other until everything cools down. I watched my sibblings leave their spouses time and time again, they always went back. That was time wasted. Work things out. There are no 2 people perfectly compatable. You have to work at it. Even now , we are not even 80% compatable, but there was no way, even 10 years ago that I was gonna start over. You probably found the right person, but how would you know , now? Good luck.
10042
Some people don't believe in marriage.  After being with him for 5 years you should know what his views are on this.  If he believes that marriage is something that is important, maybe he isn't ready to make that big step.  \n\nMarriage is a very huge step.  I think this is why there are so many divorces in our current times.  aprox. 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  This is not how it is ment to be.  When marriage vows are taken they usually and should include "until death do us part"  So perhaps you should be happy that he wasn't in any rush to tie that knot.  I am sure if you are both in love and it's ment to be you will get married and it will be even more special because you will know that you took your time and know it is RIGHT.  \n\ntalk to him about it.  See what he says.  Have a heart to heart.  If you can't do that with him now - perhaps you are not ready to be married yet.  So take some time to really dig into your heart and into his and see what you come up with.  \n\nIf you get married - Please do it for life... not like at least 1/2 the people out there do it... make that commitment forever.  Or don't do it at all.  \n\n:)  I hope you will get married.  It is the most wonderful thing a man and woman can do - Be commited to each other through thick and thin.  It is a true blessing.
254189
I was married when I was 16 and he was 18.  That was 21 years ago.  We are even happier and more in love now than when we were married.  We are each others best friend and ALWAYS make time for the other no matter what.  Communication is definately a must. You can't expect the other to know what is on your mind.  Neither of you are mind readers. ALWAYS respect each other.  Our rule is whoever gets whatever whenever.  Sometimes you need to just spice things up.  It has worked well even with having five kids from 17 down to 4 year old twins!  To really make sure it will last forever...add God and it will!
201361
I would have a serious conversation with him. It would be a shame to wait another 5 years just to hear again what you're hearing now. Why doesn't he want to marry you? I would think that the prospect of marrying the person you love would make you work harder towards your goals if you know that you will be married after. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If marriage and children are important to you then he needs to know. He may just be nervous about commitment, but if he really loves you he will need to face that fear. Im sorry but if he doesnt feel the same way then you need to move on. I know that will be painful but its better than wasting the next 5+ years of your life hoping he will change. If he agrees to marry you, make sure its really what he wants. You will be miserableif he married you because he felt he had no choice. Best of luck.
189363
Marriage is a work in progress. Never give up and never go to bed angry.\n\nMarried 34 years to the same person.
99864
i think you should talk to him. both of you need to find out what is the problem that has both of you too constantly arguing. Maybe you can both see about having like a couples therapy thing.  sometimes its best for someone from the outside to see whats going on. I think if both of you love each other so much you should do what you can to make it work if after all that your still arguing more than you not arguing well than maybe you two should go your seperate ways. it wont mean you two dont love each other just that you to aren't meant for each other. but i would do what i can before saying its over definitely. good luck and best wishes.
566323
Sounds like you two have reached a crossroad in your relationship.  You two need to talk and decide if what you each want in life is the same or if it is time to go your separate ways.  Some times as your growing up in a relationship two people simply grow apart in terms of what is important for the future.  I think this may be what has happened here.  If you two can't talk this out and come to an agreement about what this relationship should be and the rules and expectations regarding it then you have reached the end.
206747
I managed to keep a ralationship alive between Australia and uk via email, letters and phone calls, (\nOver the space of 3 months i spent the equivalent of $2000 US dollars on phone calls) .....I won't lie, it is Bl**dy hard work, bot worth it. I've now been very very happily married to that person for 2 years.\n\nYou have to be honest and open in any conversation, and you have to tell each other EVERYTHING!!!!! ( and I mean everything, bad things too!)\n\nIf it's right you'll know within weeks of being apart. If he's worth fighting and suffering for, give it everything.  \n\nI guess if you are just leaving school you are still in your teens, i'm in my mid 30's, there's a huge world out there to discover, live for now, enjoy yourself and follow your heart!\n\nGood Luck
86166
Don't worry...this is very common. The best thing that you guys can do is to get together and come to agreements about your finances and stick to a budget...that way, if/when either one of you buy something outside the budget...you get called out. Also, it is best to sit down and just have a heart to heart on all of the frustrations that you are both going through...the worst thing that you can do is to sweep it under the rug and let it build up! Also, make a pact to only talk about things in a calm manner and do it all in one session instead of doing it everyday(a peaceful home is a happy one). Also, remember that you are adjusting to each other and that you are both going to find things that annoy you about the other person...but, also look at the positive things and especially the positive things that you have noticed since you have been married!
628578
the odds are against you.\n\nbut if you can each find respect for your partner's opinion, and realize that this is one of those questions that no one knows the answer with 100% certainty until they die, then maybe you can just agree to disagree.\n\nrespectful communication is the key.
381514
You should have both settled on the children issue BEFORE marrying. There is no excuse for this issue to be surfacing now, shame on you both for not addressing it before you ever committed to each other.\n\nNow you are stuck. Since he does not want children and you do, the only recourse you have is divorce.
534436
Keep in mind that when you get married, you're not just marrying the man, you're marrying his family.  Unfortunately for you, his family involves children and by association, their loony mother.  \n\nI think you need to discuss your reason for hesitation with .  Do not be confrontational or demand things, as that will make him feel like he has to defend himself (and possibly her).  Just talk.  Then let him talk.  If you are simply explaining your feelings without any accusations and he becomes defensive, then I would worry.  If his response is satisfactory, then lean toward the "yes."  \n\nUnfortunately, if you choose to marry him, she will be a part of your life.  You can hope that after the wedding she will accept that you're the new wife, but there's no guarantee (and it could get worse!).  My husband had a kind of obsessed ex-fiancé (thank goodness no children were involved), and the month of our wedding, he took her out to dinner and just talked.  She actually approached it like a rational human being and realized that he wasn't marrying me to spite her and that he wasn't the person that he was when they were dating.  \n\nI hope for your sake that something like that can happen and that things do calm down.  I also admire you for taking the time to think it through rather than just saying yes and plunging ahead with the potential of being miserable later!  Congratulations on the proposal, and best of luck!
84770
It sounds like love.  It also sounds like the 1st year of marriage.  You don't talk about why you are arguing, but would counseling help?  I did not live with my husband before our marriage, so during our 1st year there was a lot of...he said, she said...each of us repeating back what we thought the other person said.  Often times, we would have to explain several times until we got it right.  It was not easy, but after the 1st year things got better.  We have been married 8 1/2 years, now.  Sure, we still argue sometimes, but we work it out much easier.  Good luck!