My best friend has a boyfriend who is over in Afghanistan and the last time they have spoken has been like, a month ago, and before they had spoken (IM) almost daily. She is worried that something awful has happened, but I try to tell her that he is alright and that she shouldn't worry about him too much. Could someone please help me with some more advice to give her so she's not so sad? She even had a few thoughts of suicide, but I was able to talk her out. But I can't think of anything else to tell her. Please help!
125102
just tell her that it would be fine and ok, but if she keeps on crying, let her go.
321188
If she's really your friend I think you NEED to tell her what happend. Just tell exactly what he said about her that will make more sence to her.  She will be devestated but it's always best to know.  Just turn the situation around, would you like to know or would you like your friends to tell you. Plus is not the end of the world, she will lose her boyfriend that dosen't want to be with her anymore but that's why you are there for!
134051
Your boyfriend has experienced a tremendous loss. It sounds like He is going through the classic, Kubler-Ross' stages of grief, which are:\nDenial (this isn't happening to me!)\nAnger (why is this happening to me?)\nBargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)\nDepression (I don't care anymore)\nAcceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) \n\nContrary to the popular notion ("first comes denial, then anger, etc") these stages are usually cyclical, meaning people don't usually experience them like a checklist. They go through multiple stages at the same time although they might express acceptance one day, the next day, denial. \n\nYour boyfriend sounds like he is currently experiencing depression and anger. You seem like a very concerned and loving girlfriend, and I can tell that it hurts to see him this way, but these are very healthy and typical reactions he's having to the lose of his sight. \n\nIt might not look like it to you, but he is dealing with his situation. He needs to work through these stages in order to accept what has happened and move beyond it. If he just suppresses his grief, he'll still eventually have to deal with it. It will be easier now than later.\n\nYou can't, and you shouldn't try to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. My advice to you is to keep being supportive of him (actions more than words)--visit him frequently, show him that you are not going anywhere. When he is ready to ask for help, or go to a support group, therapy, anything, you'll be there for him.\n\nAlso, take care of yourself. It can be very stressful to see someone you love in so much pain. You might want to look it therapy or a support group for yourself.
380898
Be his friend, write to him and send care packages while he is deployed.  Let him know you would be happy to come visit him when he returns from his tour.  Right now, be a good friend.  He doesn't have amnesia.  He remembers what you previously told him.  Perhaps this will be a good "testing" ground to see how you would handle deployments.  Maybe he was hesitant to get "involved" with you because he didn't want to put a "girlfriend" though a tough deployment.  Show him you got the moxie to stick it through (being his friend)....and then when he returns who knows...he may change his mind when he sees you can "handle it"....Remember...be upbeat, encouraging, help keep his spirits UP.  Show him you got the "stuff" to handle it.  Good Luck!
243747
i think you should tell your friend cos if you'll are true friends she will know that you are doing this in her best interest i am saying this because my best friends boyfriend was doing the exact same thing to her and i told my friend that she needs to put her foot down and confront her boyfriend cos if he truly loved her he wouldn't treat her that way.  it's harsh but sometimes you have to be firm with the people you really care about.
32947
You know sometimes many people go through this phase of life when they don't want to let go.  But it is unhealthy to just sit and weep over something that is gone and will not return.  Maybe he needs a little help with his situation.  You are his friend, talk with him and let him know how is devastation is bringing everyone else down.
199440
Well you seem to be going through alot! I am sorry! I will be praying for you and your friend! I wish I had all the answers -but I don't! Off course you want to help her- she is your friend- but it sounds like she needs help you can't give her! You need to decide do you want live with her! Can you deal with all the drama? Really search yourself- because she is going to need support and a lot of help! I wish you the best! You sound like a really good friend- when she will let you be her friend! A word -- never cheat! No matter what a person says to you! Just not a good plan! You take care- if you like to talk- http://360.yahoo.com/cloeenloe
215545
ooh world is full with broken heat....wanna tel u.....i lost my ideal person......i m so upset.......i just wanna kill myself.......cant stop crying...missing him so much....\n\nplz tel ur boy friend...before u lose him..coz i cant tel my feeling to u.....and love goes more deep........when its time to say good bye.....plz tel him right now......u love him
256100
The best thing u can do is just be there for them.  Dont push it too much, let them know you are there to listen and wait for them to tell u how they feel.  It shows that u must be very close to them as they obviously trust you with their secret and are probably in shock about it themself still.\n\nMy ex-boyfriend had cancer and I know it can be a very very difficult time, not just for the person suffering but also for those around them and close to them.  Your friend is probably feeling a range of emotions at the moment and maybe just needs someone to confide in.  People can sometimes get very angry or very quiet when they find out something like this, so if your friend starts acting wierd, try to not to take it personally.\n\nI really feel for your friend because I know what a hard time it must be for them.  You also need to look after yourself too, its not easy news to hear and although u may not be experiencing it physically, u will prob feel just as emotionally upset and shocked.  The best advice i can give is just to be there to listen and keep their secret.  There is nothing that you can say that will change what has happened. Sometimes if u really want to help them and get them to talk, just talk about the facts of the illness (eg.what type of cancer/treatment/stage of progression etc.. )sometimes by the person talking about the facts, it helps them to come to terms with it themself and also brings out their feelings.  \n\nHope this helps you in some way
662385
Whatever you do you should handle it calmly and spare his feelings. Because right now like you said he hasn't gone too far but yes if you fear it will go beyond what you want it to be then is best to resolve it quickly. handle this face to face and be strong about it. Tell him that you feel that your friendship with him seems a little too personal and it makes you feel bad and you do not want to feel bad at all. That you cherish the friendship but it will never be anything but a friendship. If he can not understand or accept it then I suggest you end it completely.
253519
I know what your Friend is going thru. Prayer is the only thing that can help her. I was surprised more people did not answer this. Maybe they did and maybe they did pray for her. Either way please keep me updated if at all possible. I am interested to know the outcome. I will pray for her!
547262
It is better that she knows now what he is really like.  If he really did love her he would have never cheated on her.  The only thing I know that you can do for sure is to offer moral support, and try to keep her mind off of what just went down.  But be sure you don't get in the middle of things.  I know that you don't want her to get her feelings hurt but I am telling you that if you get too involved in this situation you will live to regret it.  You might even get blamed for some of the things that happened even though you didn't have anything to do with it.  I know from personal experience from my best friend and then I said some bad things about someone who is now his wife.  A really has created a real burden and hardship on our friendship and we have been friends for a long long time.  So just give her all the support that you can and try just to listen to her but if she asked for some advice be really careful on what you might say because it might backfire.
502195
awww my heart goes out to you, you sound really upset : (  If she is going through such hard time at the moment, she may need time to her self. That doesn't mean pack up your bags and go, that just means she cant handle a full on relationship at the moment. So you can be there when she needs you. And that's really all you can do. Tell her that you will wait for her and say exactly the same thing you said in the ending of your question. I am sure she is hurting just as bad as you or even worse by knowing she is hurting you. Just be there for her, Take care i hope it all works out sweetie : )
306859
this needs professional understanding - i beleive your boyfreinds freind has a mental illness - if you are at all concerned with him maybe thinking of suicide - - please contact your local crisis care as soon as possible - if there is no local crisis care maybe suicide hotline - they will give you the information you need to deal with such a heavy situation - if you fear for yourself at all try talking to your boyfreind about him possibly visiting you instead - or talk to a trusted adult
580614
I'm sorry things didn't end well for you, but you mustn't make assumptions on what happened. Not all of us are heartless like that. I know I'm not. I was in love, actually am in love, with this guy who had left for the Army. Well I waited for him and never did I stray my eyes elsewhere. When he came back, I knew he might get deployed for a year or more at any time, but never one did I ever think of just forgetting about him. I would've waited for him as long as necessary. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for us, but it wasn't because of that, there were other issues. My point is, don't despair, just because one relationship went sour. I'm sure someday you'll find that girl who will wait for you as long as necessary because she truly loves you. :)
633107
Do it anyway... she's counting on you.\n\nThat's what being friends is all about... good and bad, thick and thin.  You can grieve later... for now be brave for their sake.
636307
Your best friend doesn't have to care as long as she is a good listerner. That is the main thing. Alot of times you just need to talk. If she is atleast listening....then that is really what you needed aways. Does she help you when you really need it. Can you call her anytime to just talk? Can she call you anytime to just talk. Is it just one sided. Are you there for her every-time she needs something? Does she ever need you and you don't help? Good friends will help you kill someone...Best friends will help you bury them..LOL (only joking) Really ask yourself why you are asking this question,,. It may be because this friendship is one sided. Or  it may be because she has other friends that you are jealous of. I know that doesn't sound good. But, hey it happens..I had what I thought was a best friend. She would help me with anything. Then she moved on...I was hurt and jealous. .She is still a friend. but, I found out she could only have one real best friend at a time..She moves on about every 4 years. She has been through about 6 now. We hardly ever see each other now days.  (Almost Forgotten)