I am wondering If I am too nice or what? My husband and I have opended our doors to many people who need a place to stay. I bet we have let 15-20 people stay with us over a course of 7 years. All I ever ask is for people to clean after themselves and contribute somewhat Financially...cleaning....etc.....But we always seem to get screwed over....And everytime we say....that is it....No more.......\n\nwell then we hear or know someone who needs a place and boom back to square one........\nAre we too nice? Is there a way we can say no would it be wrong? What do we do?
133002
Listen If the good Lord has put it on your  heart to open your door to  help  people go  4  it. Remember thies people in need often  need things and changes in their  lives. Maybe your  that teacher they need.LOOK every one gets stuck with something. Think about it. The church  gets  people  whom  rip  them  off. Grocery stores get  people whom  steal. Relationships  often times,  one  or the other is not  true  or  sincire.Every one  gets used. BUT  i  was told as a child  what  goes around  will  come  around.Dont  be  weary  in  well  doing. God  will  reward you  4  your  kind  deeds. YOU sound  blessed  already.
113116
Most things depend on the people...I've had more than my share of bad roomie experiences! First thing when you move in be sure to put a bolt lock on your bedroom door, this is especially advisable because of parties that are sure to happen. I recommend that you pay all bills with checks, and keep an "excel file" of all of the bills. As for foods, you'll all have to work that out together--don't be afraid to keep some dry goods in your room--at least 1 roll of tp, too. Most importantly, figure out how you 2 can talk aobut household situations rationally. Good luck!
392728
Good question Amy, Seems as it sounds like you are an older women who has got herself established at the cost of sacrificing a social life in the quest to do so.\n\nI would not accept anything from anyone either so I know what you mean whole heartily, I find that cos you are so fiercely independant that it scares males,well I don't put up with those who want to have meal ticket or cheap place to live or just want to bonk you stupid\n\nI found that going out to certain places where similar ppl congregate  has been easier and you don't get those hangers on.\n\nWe all have our needs ,but again at what cost,seems the longer you leave it, all you seem to get is guys with baggage this I'm sure like you is not on....\nSadly I see this trend  not getting any better but the partner I now have is similar thinking and circumstances.. \n\nStrangely tho I still will not live with him, cos I worked damn hard for my lot and will not give it up easily until I know it is what I truly want..\nGood Luck in the never ending search sweetie..♥
345747
Well, you have already nailed it pretty well, and under the circumstances you are doing a whale of a lot better managing this that I ever would! You're further ahead of the game than you realize. You are also tired and need a breather. You need to schedule some down time for just you. You are the one that is important here. And self care is job one. Always. You have been ambushed, so when that happens you always step back and regroup. And the best way to self care your way through this one is to be by or hang around yourself a little more. Find your center once again. Centering. A wonderful concept. And correct, too, on every level. Diet, bubble baths, rest, fresh air, cleaning your bedroom, checking your wardrobe and getting free of old stuff you will never wear again - in other words, spend a little time reinventing yourself. You are already pretty strong because you have a good mind with which to sort out all this foolishness and get your bearings, but the unfortunate truth in life is that when we are tired, anyone can take a whack at us and it is like they could blow us over with a feather. You can feel that sensitive, and it is because you are smart, really. It is the downside of being smart. You can be too sensitive. So when you find your center once again you will also find more strength to call this what it is: abuse. Others here on Yahoo! Answers are giving you some fine answers about actions you can take, but I am focusing solely on you taking care of you. Self care. Make more time to pamper yourself and start feeling good about who you really are, because look at what you are doing here: you are  working on your degree. I mean, my God, all this other chaff is just fuel. Be very alert and see it for what it is - a prime distraction and begin - just begin, to look for a better place to bring yourself for work. That does not, fortunately, need to be put in place before the end of the week. If worse comes to worse, you can just walk away. A social worker once told me, "Chris, sometimes all you can do is walk away." I never forgot that one. Under most circumstances, I get the impression you are normally extremely self-reliant and independent of mind, so it is probably just because this whole mess has worn you down a bit that feeling it is a lilttle rough on you right now. I am sending you good energies and my heart goes out to you hoping you find the perspective to see the bigger picture and put you back into it in the dignified and self-respecting way you rightly deserve. Get your self-esteem back intact and believe in who you really are. And for God's sake, get some rest. None of us thinks well when we are exhausted. The other thing is emotionally draining, and only time will heal that one.  God Bless You, too.     - Chris.
261
If you just want them to stop acting like guests and start acting like roommates, start assigning chores and handing over the grocery lists once in a while.... "Hey, Susan, while I'm at work today, would you please vaccuum and water the plants?" or (In a joking tone) "Isn't it your turn to do the dishes?"  Open bills in front of them, and complain aloud about how high they've gotten.\nIf you want your house back, then be kind but blunt... Sit down with them and say "I have loved having you here, but I'm afraid that I can't have you stay much longer...I have XXXXX happening in a couple of weeks and need to have some time to myself before that, but it's sure been fun!"\nOr lie and tell them your landlord has reminded you of the terms of your lease and your rent will be raised if they stay more than another week.\nGood luck!
160481
No such thing as too nice.  What you're doing is amazing.  If only more people in the world were like you.  You just keep doing what you need to make yourself and others happy.  Screw what others think.
230963
Don't stop being a kind and generous person.  Do stop being a doormat.  I am the voice of experience.  Just be sure that what you do is not out of your way or an inconvenience to you.  Ensure you are not being so generous and kind to try to bring friendship to yourself.  That would mean you have an ulterior motive in being generous and that's not what it's about. Don't do things to have people like you, do things for people who have already demonstrated they will do things for you too.  Good luck with it.
71248
Everyone is uptight because they are trying to cram too much into too little time. It's stress, and I doubt it is going to get any better. That doesn't mean they can't be nicer, because pretty much everyone is in the same boat. The only thing you can do is try to set an example. Maybe if you are kind and patient it will make someone's day easier, and because of that, they will be a little nicer to soemeone else.
25958
man i undestand totally where you are coming from...like you do your best to please them and its just not good enough. well i say if the best you ddi was good enough for you then you should be happy, b/c trying to please people that aren't going to be happy for you either way...is just a lost cause. it will cause more stress for you in the long run. All i can say is keep you head high, its hard, but be strong, you'll be a better person in the long run. and feel free to email me or yahoo messenger
38371
I am going through the same dilemma with my fiance's cousin. You should not have to pay more because technically even though the rooms are the same size you don't actually have equal amount of space because you are sharing a room with 2 other people and she has a room to herself. Tell her to stop trtying to get over and pay the $100. If she doesn't like it then tell her to get her own place. You have a faamily to support and she's just supporting herself. Don't let her pull that crap on you.
222541
It's good that you seem like a good man if you are showing all the signs that you love and care for her. However, your girl seems to have had enough of you for whatever reason. I think she may feel overwhelmed by the living arrangement you guys have chosen and she finally figured out that she needs her space. Maybe living together put a strain on the relationship and she feels smothered. You can't make her stay if she so desperately wants to go.
163151
Your situation is lke tons of others. It is like you have to have a dog, because everyone of your gal pals has a dog. so when you all get together, they hace something in common to chat about and you are left out. So you find some busted down junk yard dog to take home and make your own. But the dog distroys the kitchen everynight, chews every new pair of shoes you bring home, and leaves nice smelly "love" packages in the corner when you wake up. And you don't like it and complain. Like a dog you can't train you have 3 options:\n\nOne: Except the dog and his bad habits. Lock the kitched down everynight. Keep your shoes outof sight. Keel a good supply of scrub brushes, cleaners, and deoderizers on hand Put down a warm bet and food and be glad you at least have one.\n\nTwo: Find a way to get the dog trained to where you want him to be. \n\nThree: If you can not live with the conditions the dog does to your home and effects. Kick the dog to the curb, and find one that fits your life better. \n\nThe "but" is just a way of ducking the issue. It is like saying "well the dog DOES cost me more time cleaning the kitchen, and way more money on carpet cleaning bills then I want to spend. And he cost me 100s of extra dollars on shoes, BUT he has not tried to bite me YET" Ask your self, is those "cute and lovable times" worth doing all the washing, cleaning, car washing, maybe bill paying? If so, why post a question asking if you should go? Only YOU know if it is worth it. Would you ask somesome if you should keep on buying phone cards that are suppose to give you 6 months of unlimited calls anywhere in the world that didn't just because someone else who was not spending the money on them told you it was a good deal? I know you know when you feel cheated, and by what you are saying it sounds as if you don't feel things are even. Whether it makes you feel cheated only YOU know that. \n\nThen, you mush have been aware of some of this before you moved in. Unless you never went to his home. And when you were together it was all physical and hardly no talking. You say he still does not want to grow up. What does that mean to you(maybe different to him), and what do you think keeps him from doing it?\n\nNow. How to train this "dog" to not muck up the kichen, do his business outside, and keep off your shoes. As in business the fear of loss is greater than the desire to gain. Tell him you have something to do in the evening(don't tell him what, be vague), so a housekeeper will need to be found. Quote a rather high price and tell him since half the place is his, he need to help out. If he balks then bring it up to him that he doesn't do anything to help, and it has to be clean. Start feeding him on paper plates with plastic spoons. If he balks, bring it up he don't do dishes and you have your "thing" you will be doing and won't have time. He doesn't want to help with the wash, send ALL his clothes to the dry cleaners. If he ask, you don't have time to do that many loads, if he did some.... Don't nag him about stuff. Men are kings at pinching that crap off. But the pocket book. That ain't ignored for long. As for your "thing" you can take some BS piano lessonm or ballroom dancing class. Whatever. Make sure the instrutor is MALE. Get a male friend you can trust and make one up if you have to. Married hopefully but if he thinks you are getting close to another male his ear will be open when you speak of him. Tell your "dog" how Mr Piano teacher has such a clean home. And how he is festidious about keeping it up. How he ALWAYS insist on bringing you coffee and not having you get up etc. And if all else fails, use the nuclear option. When he gets frisky, tell him, "no tonight. I am tired. I had to bla bla bla and now my sholders and lover back is stiff." If he want it THAT bad, he will get off his lazy tail and make s
470022
Oh my, you seem to be a very nice person, almost to the point of dysfunctional.  A bit of assertiveness would help you out quite a bit b/c I bet it's not just an annoying neighbor you have a hard time saying no too.\n\nFirst, it's necessary for you to learn to meet your own needs.  "NO" is a big part of this concept.  You do not have to be rude or lie but you will have to practice.\n\nMary, while I'd love to visit, I am bogged down today, so we'll save this for another time.  Thanks  for understanding.  \n\nMary, I hear your frustrations, but let's keep this conversation on a pleasant note, shall we?  \n\nMary, at times I do enjoy our visits, but I must insist that you call first to check if I'm busy with the children.  You'll do that for me won't you?\n\nSo give it some practice and good luck.\n\nPeace.
415626
I once helped a friend and her 19 year old daughter out when they became homeless.  They were living in their car.  During this period I paid their car insurance, fed them,  loaned them money and let them spend the night a few times.\n\nI asked them to Thanksgiving Dinner, they came, they ate, they stayed 5 weeks.  When they left they never said a word of thanks \nNot one single word................\n\nI stood in the driveway waving bye........3 months later they asked to stay with me again?  My responce was, I can give you a couple bucks but I really don't want house guests right now.\n\nI think I would have agreed, if they had at least said "thanks" for all the help I had given before. Doing favors and helping out  friends is just something you do.  But I think the level of kindness becomes burdensome without appreciation.
403296
Depending on the amount of time you have you can meet with these people more than once. Have a questionaer for them to fill out. LEt people know ahead of time about doing there part in cleaning the place up and keeping it that way. Have them sign a "will not be a slob" contract.
585620
First of all, what are you doing relying on your parents if you have teenage daughters??  By all means I was not a perfect child but, bu time I was your childrens age, I didn't rely on my parents for squat except for a roof over my head and food.  Stop exausting your efforts on relying on other people and asking for help over the internet and rely in yourself.  If you want a job, there are plenty of them out there...  I lived in Santa Barbara so don't tell me there isn't.  See what "truth"?  What does this mean?  Call me your "angel" and I've heard your "cry", only it sounds more like excuses and moaning.  Stop blaming others for your problems and make some changed in your lives.  Where are your daughters?  Living in the street too?  Don't you think there is something wrong when you bear children and aren't able to take care of them properly.  Hell, I may not know anything about this, I'm only 24 years old...  I know shit happens and I feel for your perdiciment but, you need to make soemthing for yourselves, it's out there, you just have to find it and want it bad enough.  Good luck and God Bless.
69080
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.