I am the defacto parent of a foster child (age 8) in Orange County CA. Child was removed from her parents in 3/04. Since 7/04 she has been with us with 2x mon. visits with Mom who was not offered family reunification. Father was in jail for 18 months w/ no visits as the child did not wish to see him. Both parents (seperately) are fighting HARD to get her back. Long story/Short she doesn't want to go back to either of them. She'd like to stay w/us with cont. visits w/ Mom. She says she NEVER wants to see her Dad EVER.  Her court dates are rescheduled regularly.  She's just in the system waiting for her case to be important enough to be heard. We have no idea she where she will end up when this is all done.  She is VERY STRONG, but regressing rapidly and losing her ability to trust anyone. We don't know where to even start advocating for her in the courts, but feel we must - the system is failing her terribly! Any advise is greatly appreciated. Many thanks!
119820
Here are a few links that might help you.\n\nGood Luck!
206003
She can file the papers and go to court with all of her documentation.  Believe me, in the long run, even though it seems like forever right now, things will change.  I had the same thing happen to me...I eventually (after 30 days of filing) got the kids back.  Yes, you have to deal with visitation, after all he is the father, but with time that can be controlled too if documentation starts happening with regard to the violence.  I pray this works out for your friend, tell her number one to always document.  Keep phone calls, keep records of things done, have a third party present at visitation times, etc.  Prayerfully when all has died down the visitation can be civil and things can go on reasonably well.  My kids are now 21 and 19, and we all get along OK, I do it because they are my kids and that is what is most important.
649903
While I do sympathyze with you, the ultimate goal of DFCS is to keep "natural" families intact.  They do whatever is in thier power to keep together or reunite families within the system.  When you took in those children in you became their foster parent and regardless of a foster parents relation to the kids, a foster home is considered a temporary situtation.  \n\nIf you feel that the children will still be in danger if returned to their mother than you can try to sue for custody.  If you choose to do this than keep in mind that the courts are very biased in favor of the closest blood ties.  Hire the best custody attorney that you can afford.
162750
every state has different child custody laws. this is what mine are:  i moved from cali to texas when my daughter was 3 months old her father stayed in cali. the order was that i had full physical custody and joint legal custody which means i have her all the time but if anything happened, like god forbid and accident, he would have a say in the matter. now that she is 6 she has to see him at least twice a year for at least a week but that is with me there and we split the cost of airfare. alot can be done and you have a while before you have to worry about that.in my experience i have learned that most family courts are in favor of the mothers and a baby needs his/her mother the first year most. stay strong it will all work out. congratulations!
593310
Best thing to do, is to go to the website that they have, and contact them directly.  Put in your request to give all information to them about birth mother, whereabouts, phone number, etc., and if the child has a desire to find out, they will give him the information.  They will NOT contact him with this unless he wants to know and gets in touch with them.  This is to protect him.  I am adopted, and knew of my birth mother from day one,  so my case is different.  I can only pray he's asked, and they've kept track of him so when you finally give them the information, they will forward it to him.  They do have reunion and contact services....so that's a plus and a VERY good sign!  I wish you the best!  \n\nListed below, links to help, the first being the contact info for Catholic Charities, including an email address.
83437
I'm so sorry for your loss. \nUnfortunately, unless Dad is genuinely unfit, you'll have a hard time persuading the court. The law is stacked in favor of a parent over any other relative.\nSome factors that might tip the scales in your favour are:\nIf Dad's been out of the picture for quite a while,or leads a questionable life (drugs, drinking, etc)(don't make anything up, it will backfire)\nIf dad has a significant criminal history involving drugs or violence.\nIf you can demonstrate that you can provide a safer, more stable environment than Dad,\nIf your sister is over 9 and expresses to the court that she'd rather stay with you.\nConsult a lawyer who specialises in custody matters, a great many offer free initial consultations and contact the Family Services office to consult a social worker about what will best serve your sister's needs. The courts look favorably on people who actively seek out an outside evaluation...it shows that you really want what's best for the child.\nBest of luck.
645755
ok, you're not going to like this, but i have to say it anyhow.  the judge does not need (and in most cases will not) take into consideration any abuse that the father did to you in regards to visitation of the child.  unless you can you prove that he was and is a danger to the child, he will more than likely get visitation with the child.\n\nthat said, the judge should (and usually does) take into consideration the abuse you suffered when deciding custody.  if the two parents cannot converse amicably, they will not be able to jointly decide on the proper care for the child.\n\nmost people confuse custody with visitation.  custody determines who is responsible for the child ie what education the child will receive, who the family doctor is, even hair colour and types of sports the child will be in.  \n\nthere are 2 types of custody \n\n1) sole - one parent is the decision maker.  this type of custody is generally awarded in cases where one parent is so irresponsible that s/he is not capable of caring properly for a child, and in cases where the parents cannot communicate - such as cases where one parent has been abusive to the other.\n\n2) shared/joint custody - both parents jointly make decisions regarding the child's care.  this type of custody is generally decided out of court when the parties can get along reasonably well.  most cases which end up in court end up with one parent getting sole custody.\n\nvisitation determines how often the parent who does not live with the child gets to see the child.  this has no bearing (unfortunate though it may be) on any abuse that the other parent has suffered at his/her hands.\n\nbottom line is ... try to get as much support for supervised visits as you can.  can you get a copy of the other woman's affidavit? and children's aid reports? anything that you can use to protect child?\n\ni wish you all the best of luck and hope that i helped at least a little bit
13893
How painful!  Have your attorney push for a way to get him into parenting classes before he even gets a minute alone with your daughter.  Make the hoops he needs to jump through cost him something.  He's not been a parent and it stands to reason that he should learn something of the skills required before he takes your child even one day.  At one time my husband and I were discussing divorce and custody and he told me he was going to fight for custody and I told him to be ready to pee in a jar ***** which backed him RIGHT off.  Have a talk with your daughter and let her know that she can tell you anything at anytime, even if her father tells her to keep it a secret or he's threatened her.  Let her know that she can always tell you anything and that the only reason grown-ups make little kids keep secrets is because the grown-up is doing something he's not supposed to.  That way, if he does do the unthinkable, you stand a much better chance of knowing soon and getting help immediately.  Just something to keep in mind.  Also, he will not now or ever get full custody of your child as long as your own nose stays clean.  The courts reeeaaaaalllllly see no reason to remove a child from their primary custodial parent unless there is some darn good reason.  It should be mentioned that he's chosen not to have any emotional attachment to this child by choice and that though he is her father, he is a stranger to her too.  Push for supervised visitation for a term of not less than 8 weekly visits.  Really.  It can be pointed out that it is not just in the child's best interests but also in the father's.  Talk to your attorney about a guardian ad lidum.  If the father is not current in child support, see if you can defray his visitations until he IS current.  Your attorney should know allllll this and should be able to fight hard on your child's behalf.
632971
You need to go to the court house family division and file for a court date.  Then contact a lawyer and they will file for temporary custody of the kids  till the judge decides what is best for them. The lawyer should be covered by legal aid especially if there is no income.  Tell her to get a job even if it's through a temporary agency for the time being, it will help keep her mind off of it, and will also show the judge that she is able to support the kids. Tell her to put the utilities in her name to establish a credit rating.  The cops will not go after him for the kids until she has it in place that temporary custody is hers. They don't consider it kidnapping since he is the father. Tell her to call children's services in her area and let them know of his problems and what has occurred they can help in getting the children back.  Been in the same situation so if you need more help just contact me.
294017
Contact the family court that issued the visitation order and let them know that the mother is violating it.  They should be able to provide you with guidance on what to do.
653202
I feel sorry for you. I hope you have a good job and provide for yourself with your own money, because that is what the court will look at. Would you have a place to stay for the next couple of years? If I were you, and this is very important for you to consider. You could call Children Services and talk to someone there. They will want to know all the info that you have shared here and all the info that you have not shared here. You have to tell the truth. Most likely the police will get involved and your parents may go to jail, depending on what they find when they come to your house. Children Services will take you and any siblings out of the house and put you in foster care. You may like the home you go to and you might not. If it is as bad as you say, don't hesitate to call them. If you need more advice you need to go to your school counsellor and they will get things rolling for you. I wish you the best of luck.
89767
Sweetheart, I know exactly what your going through. My son lives with his dad,(We're all in Missouri). My son tells me how bad it is with his dad, and as I understood it, when he turns 12, he can go to the judge and say for himself that he wants to live with me. It sounds like you and my son are going through the very exact thing. If you can find a way to get to the Division of Family Services without your dad knowing, tell the people you want to go to a judge and tell him/her that you want to go to your mom's. I am a child advocate. I'd take you myself if I could. When you go to the Family Services, you need to let them know EVERY bad thing you are going through. They will investigate your dad, but no one has to know you made the report. If your mom agrees to have you come to her, then you, her, and the Family Services have a meeting at once. YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS DECISION!!!\nGood luck and GOD BLESS
663518
Get a lawyer - some will take your case & get payment from your husband plus attend some type pyschological counseling.  You  are being screwed here.   You are entitled to  spousal support; plus visitation.  File an OSC & ask attorney to go ex-parte to get  you temporary financial support until the hearing.\nYou can also fill out paperwork online if CA,,, use this website \nhttp://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/  \nChild needs counseling & when you go to court demand child get it.  No child has the right to pysically abuse their parent & you as her parent should not be penalized by losing your home or the other daughter.\nSeems husband is not doing right by you...  you need to get angry & start standing up for yourself &  your rights
180411
This seems to be a two part question. When children are placed in foster care, it is most of the time a sad scenario. They sometimes can get bounced from home to home never knowing where they will be next. Sometimes the child is put up for adoption and that can be a rough road also. For the mother to get them back the judge may ask for supervised visitation or they may want the mother to prove that they are responsible enough to have the children back in their custody. The process for gaining custody can be a long and drawn out process. The court has to see that the child will be well provided for. This can all depend on the jurisdiction of the court also.
130793
Yes, you need to start keeping a journal of everything that happens.  It will be invaluable when you go to court.  Do this until your child turns 18.  Every missed visitation, missed child support payment, phone call, stupid thing he says to your child...EVERYTHING.  Start now!\n\nBut, the bad news is, 3 months isn't long enough to do much.  YOu need to start by filing a complaint about him not paying child support.  You can get a lawyer, but that's expensive.  My suggestion would be to either go to the court and file yourself, or call DSS/CSD/Whatever it is where you are.  Often they will help you, and once they get involved, they will take care of it until your child turns 18.\n\nOnce he gets in trouble for not paying child support, then you need to go back to court and ask for a modification of visitation/custody.  Normally when parents have shared custody, the mother gets less support because it is assumed that the father is sharing the costs of the child.  Use that and his lack of visitation as your grounds for requesting a change in custody.\n\nWhy does he have supervised visitation?  You may be able to use that to your advantage as well.\n\nYou will most likely not be able to get his rights terminated. This is a severe action, and courts don't like to do it.  If rights are terminated, the child becomes an orphan if the remaining parent dies.  Plus, terminating rights removes financial obligations.  In the eyes of the state, this makes it more likely that the state will have to pick up the slack in supporting the child with welfare, medicaid, food stamps, etc.\n\nI would just get yourself sole custody and make sure you keep his visitation supervised.  Then keep your child away from him, collect your child support if you are ever lucky enough to get some, and you and your child go on with your lives.\n\nThink about it, won't your child be better off?  My son has a dead beat dad and I let him off the hook.  I would rather he go off and not be in my son't life at all than he continually disappoint my son for the rest of his life by not showing up for visits, holidays, birthdays, etc.  Once a jerk, always a jerk.  Let him be a jerk to someone else.\n\nAlso, I know its not cheap, but I strongly suggest getting a lawyer when you do this.  He will protect you and your child and make sure you get what you deserve.  Also, I have heard more than one judge get upset when a parent comes to court without a lawyer.  Even though you can file by yourself, the results are just as serious as if you did have an atty.  So if you go by yourself and represent yourself poorly, it can have very negative effects on your child.\n\nGood luck!
326405
girl back off and take a look at him. no joke, my ex/and baby's dad, said the same to me. i have had him arrested twice, since sept. 2005, and i have a 1 year restraining order on him and a no contact order against his dad's ex girlfriend, who considers herself his step mother. he's never seen my daughter, and never will! watch out
309305
Hello fellow Hoosier!  I am a single Mom who is also battling the ex about visitation! When I went to court in Marion County they told us we could decide on a schedule that best fit our needs.  They also offered us the chance to talk to a counselor if we had any disagreements on timing and scheduling of the children. They would help us figure out a schedule. This was all offered to us at no cost and I believe it is free in most counties.  The schedule we finally agreed on was...\n\nDad would pick up every other Friday from Daycare/school and would return home on Sunday at 5:00pm.\nDad would pick up from daycare/school on the Thursday following his weekend he had him and every Tuesday when he didn't have him that weekend.  He would return him to daycare/school on the weekday mornings.\n\nIf you live in Marion County and need the numbers for chidsupport office please contact me as I would be happy to send them to you.  \n\nBest of luck to you and your children!