Well Im dating this guy and his mother is very sick with cancer...and I dont know how to get him to open up. I need help communicating with him.
122923
nothing is more annoying then someone trying to force you to talk about something when you don't want to.  You dont have to do anything just be around. Don't try to cheer him up (theres nothing to be cheery about), don't feel sorry for him (he dosen't need pity) , don't try to get him to open up (its his problem and he will deal with it his way for better or worse). Don't act like you know how he feels (even if you do know, its not about your feelings).  Just go through it with him. its clear you care and thats all you can do. you can't fix this problem for him \nOne quote from bob dylan that always rings true during my tough times "It always means so much Even the softest touch" a gentle touch can convey more then a 1000 words
607244
tell him exactly what you just said, i see no offense in that. and as a compromise, just tell him that you are willing to live close to her, so he can check up on her as often as he wants to. but i think that especially as newlyweds, you will need your time alone. best of luck. and by the way, most guys are mommas boys (im one too) so dont expect him to let go of his mother, i doubt that will happen, but you should see the good in that. because most guys that love and respect their mothers, tend to treat their wives the same way.
550968
sure, try again and leave it at that. you could say something like, "do you want to talk?"...if he doesnt respond, maybe he just wants some time to himself (or possibly he could just not be paying attention to his msn)...he's probably experiencing a lot of difficult emotions right now, and people sometimes isolate themselves in times of difficulty. he may need someone like you to talk to though, so i'd so try once again.
411516
Sorry to hear about your uncle. I've been an oncology nurse for 9+ years and my best advice is just love your uncle like you always have and don't be afraid to discuss death and dying issues with him. Don't be afraid to say the word "cancer." Find out what he wants, if he has a living will in place, does he want to  be resuscitated if he stops breathing, etc...Letting him decide how he wants things to be now-while he's able-will help give him a much needed sense of control in an otherwise helpless feeling situation. The trick to taking care of or being with most sick people, is remembering that they don't want to be treated like they are "sick" people. He's still the same man on the inside that he was before the cancer started doing it's own thing to his body. He's more than his cancer. His life is more than this disease. It can be a real relief for terminal patients when people are just simply honest and say, " I just hate the thought of you not being with me," Or, "I'm so afraid when I think about you dying." Or, "Are you afraid of dying?" Give him permission to talk about the "elephant in the room," if you know what I mean. Good luck to you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
211529
You have every right ot be upset with him.  You are under a lot of stress right now, with your Mom being ill and having to travel back and forth, that is a pretty good strain on anyone.  Then to have to deal with this on top of that.  He has betrayed your trust and if you can't see it in you to let it go, then I would suggest ending the relationship.  I don't think I personally could let it go.  If he can't keep it in his pants for the short time you are gone then he's the one with the problem.  He would have a bigger problem if he were mine.
185664
hi angel,\ni think i know just how you feel. it happens sometimes to me sometimes, like everything went grey. just take a deep breath. u are at work right? do u have any nice music u like that cheers u up? play it softly at ur desk- maybe on ur PC or walkman. cheer up. Your mom does love you, your boyfriend too... u just fell out with her and ur boyfriend is busy working so he can get u a nice gift for ur birthday--- lol--- at least he has a job he can be busy at, not like he is busy dating another girl...\ncheer up ok? take a snack for lunch, you'll soon be home. \nAnd oh, try to call your mom b4 work runs out, you'll find it isnt as bad as it seems. then talk to ur boss too... there is so much power in those three words, "i am sorry" just apologise to everyone u hurt, especially ur mom. \nthen call ur boyfriend too and tell him u understand completely how busy he is and u love him and for him to call u when he is free. u'll be amazed how soon he'd call u himself. he needs ur understanding too, maybe today is more hectic for him than u. knock knock...\nI hope u r listening to me and will do these?\nenjoy your day ok? and remember it will pass and u will still be there...cheer up! love ya
620142
Cancer has cure.  Please take him to a Doctor and he will be alright.  This way you can show him how much you love him
167896
I know you love him...and you want to help him and see him happy...but you are meddling where you have no place. A mans love life is his ... let him control it himself. All we mothers can do is be there to help them pick up the pieces.
486171
Of course he's suffering inside, but that just comes with having a cancer sun. we worry, hate rejection and are very sensitive. but we always have a way of coping with it. usualy you can judge how bad it really is by looking at how bad his reactions are (which will usualy be goverend by his moon sign). but if you truly want to not see this guy, then i would make it a clean break before he can sink those clingy cancer claws into you again. even the littles bit of concern thrown his way can show you may be having second thoughts, we can be very easily led on.
113208
I believe in "open" relationships, not the open kind where you date others. Ask him what reason he has for not opening up to you and if there's something you can do to change that. Being honest is the way to go. You can't spend the rest of your life with someone who keeps things from you. You want to be able to share "everything" with each other. That builds a strong foundation within the relationship. \n\nYou can try to temporarily forget about this for a while. Start doing fun stuff with him instead. Go on mini vacations, take trips, spend nights together away from home, do the things he likes like taking him to a baseball game, going to the beach, etc. You know, guy stuff. That way he'll be able to relax and you two can talk casually. Maybe then he'll feel more at ease about being with you and who knows, he might even start telling you things. \n\nYou can "trick" him by asking "have you ever" questions just to get him to say something. If you know he's going through something, ask him subtle questions relating to that specific thing to give it a nudge. But at the same time, be "generalized" and not make him think you're trying to "get information" or smother him. Just be smart about it. :)\n\nGood luck to you.
214831
I went through a similar situation and I made my BF talk to her about her pushiness. She no long calls at 6 am so thats good! You should not complain to much about his family though as they are and will always be in his life. You should be calm and explain to him your feelings! Good luck.
514929
Just tell him that you know whats happening, nothing heavy, and tell him if he needs someone to talk to or anything else then you're there for him.\nDont be surprised if he doesnt want to talk about it - guys like to bury their heads in the sand about such things, but as long as he knows you're there for him that will at least know he has someone there should he need someone
101023
Tell him how you feel, but that you support him in what ever he decides. It's important that he knows he has your support. If it doesn't work out you will be there for him and help him pick up the pieces and move on.
656387
Honey, as much as you want to protect him, you need to TELL HIS MOTHER. Of course he doesn't want anyone worried about him, but they should be. They love him. If he won't take his medicine then something's wrong. If things are getting worse, his family should know in time. Bless you both.
203296
As I lost my husband to cancer and having adult children, I must tell you that your mother does need you. Your husband will and should understand. No matter what anyone says, to hear that he will be in a better place once the battle is over, will be of no comfort to your mother. It will not lift her burden of taking care of him for all this time either. It's not a burden when you love someone. I'd rather have my husband here. Yes, he's no longer in pain, and yes I'm happy he's not, but when that loss finally happens, you'd rather have him here regardless. \n\nYour mother will not be prepared for the loss when it happens, just as you won't. It's impossible to prepare for that even when you know it's inevitable. I was exhausted from caregiving, I felt alone. You find it hard to talk about your fears to your children, and you find it hard to relay these fears to the person you're taking care of. Your mother needs caregiving too, and she will need you there after your dad loses the battle he's fought so hard in. You will need comfort too, but realize how big of a loss this will be for your mom. You will get that comfort from your husband, but your mom will no longer have her husband to comfort her, she'll need it from you. You don't have to put on a face. Your mother knows it's ripping you apart too. Share that with her, listen to her and reassure her just as she would reassure you. \n\nI feel your pain and your mom's pain. My thoughts are with you.
217452
Make him feel comfortable, because if he isn't, he won't admit anything.  Tell him it's okay to share his feelings, and that you're there for him.  Be sure to tell him that you just want to help, and you're not asking to poke fun at him.
305954
I say that you should try to sort of comfort him and lay off of him alittle at the same time. My mom was really sensitive when my grandma died, and she would get upset about the stupidest little things. So my dad,brother and I would all just, you know, hug her and be extra nice to her, but not dissagree or argue or anything like that.Her "depressing stage" went away in acouple of weeks.Well, best of luck to you and your boyfriend.