My mother met someone new. Ever since he has been around she ignore my phone calls, wont allow me to come to her home, I cant see my niece and nephew. She is just shutting me out. I moved out on my own about 6 months ago. I know she was upset about that. Everyone tells me that she is a control freak. I have tried to have a relationship with her, if not that, then just be on good terms. I was told that this guy is way younger than she is and he once told her he was interested in me. Knowing that, I stopped coming around. I just want to see her every now. I dont want to cause any harm if she is happy. Shes been divorced for about 20 years now. If she has a young fling thing going on thats cool with me, I can care less. But why is she treating me the way she is treating me. I dont know what to do!
120132
To really get her attention ... date a cousin. Works every time it's tried - in Arkansas anyway.
314473
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
182873
You seriously need to make some serious changes. You have to create boundaries. It sounds like the requests you have made are falling on deaf hears. It seems to me you are trying to make everyone happy except yourself. Tell them if you are going to live in my house these are the rules if they don't like them they can leave. When your mom came back you could of asked her why are you here? When she said why do i have to tell them to pay the electric bill, it was because she is the one who invited them to stay. The things you are going to have to do will be uncomfortable. Your family will not like the new assertive you. Your mom is dependent on you and you are her co dependent. When she threatened you by saying she was going to leave and you said fine go ahead she was testing you. She did leave but she came back and you let her stay. So now what you say and what she says and your actions don't match. It's like when a parent tells his child no but then lets them have what they want. You have to back up what you say with actions and stick to them. You have fallen into the role of parent. You are not the parent you are the child but now your mom is acting like the child and now you are her parent. I think she should help you more. Do you want your brothers there? You did nothing wrong what i think you possibly feel is guilt because it is your mother and you feel obligated but your not obligated. No one should be taken advantage of.
457316
My divorce is not yet final, so it hasn't been very long - but I am not dating because of my child.   Especially since her dad is gone and doesn't see her much, I feel like she deserves my full attention.   If I were dating, I'd be spending a lot of time planning for and being with the other person.   \n\nI wouldn't say I don't get out at ALL, but I go out only on nights she happens to be sleeping over at a friends.   It would take a really family-oriented guy to change my mind about that.   I won't say "never", but I think it's unlikely I'd marry before she's 18.\n\nI fill the void as best as I can with extended family, grandfather, and uncles.   The last thing she needs is boyfriends coming in & out of our lives.
442547
I can see your confusion and your concern but the only thing you can do is wait it out and be there for her. You cannot control your mother any more than you can control the weather. She may be so eager to find love again and get involved with a man that at the first chance she jumps all over it and becomes obsessed. You are awesome for being such a caring son but your mom has to see it on her own. If she is this far gone in love with this guy then she won't see things your way no matter what you say and if you say anything to her she may even get angry with you. Good Luck and I hope this helps!!
490496
I would say that there is an attachment issue here.  I think you need to discuss with him that it is ok to help and care for his mother, but he is overly excentric about it.  You need to tell him that you are really having a hard time dealing with this and you are going to have to let him go.  It is not heathly for either of you.
530161
You're trying to be friends with your Mom and sometimes thats just not possible. It sounds like you two have a lot of issues. She's your Mom and she won't just go away. You have to figure out what YOU can do to make the situation better. Its up to her to realize that you have your own life and although you love her, you can't be there all the time to help whenever she needs it. Figure out whats bothering you so much. Is she a drama queen or maybe too controlling? Try not to get so worked up about it and just look at the problem.
168321
One thing is because your mother allows this man to treat her this way. Really there isn't a thing you can do except love your mom. She needs you more now than before. She will come to terms that he is doing something that is harmful to her and hopefully before it is to late...N
567522
First of all, if your house and family are that bad, then she shouldn't come over any more.  Seems like to me she's being a BRAT, and using you and your family.  You should stop hanging with her and enjoy your family.  They can't be replaced, you can get a new friend.
626165
I agree with you and I don't believe we should dismiss these kind of blatant abuses under the catchall idea that the person being victimized is old enough to know better. Clearly, your mother has some serious self-esteem issues if she finds any of what you are describing as not only acceptable, but forgiveable. Until she addresses whatever inside herself tolerates such bad behavior, she is doomed to repeat the same mistake in the next relationship even if she left this guy. Unfortunately, society also forces women into this position because, truth is, an attached woman (regardless of what kind of man she is attached to) is considered to be better than an unattached one. Sad, but the reality we live in.\n\nPersonally, if I was in that situation I would move out and tell my mother that I can not bear witness to her self destruction. It might be harsh, but sometimes people have to feel the void in order to realize how their actions negatively impact those around them.
586351
First, Darlin', know that she wants 2 things. One, to be valuable, and two, she really is trying (in her own way) to look out for you. My son (Ian) and I just had this conversation yesterday. He (Ian) is almost 28 now and we were talking about Mike, his brother (they are twins) who got engaged at 20 to a woman 7 years older than he was. At the time I told his brother that he was too young and inexperienced to be ruling out his options, and that marring a woman that did have experience would mean that he would never win an argument with her or be equal in the relationship. He (Mike) thought I was raining on his parade. Yesterday his brother (Ian) and I were talking about how it is so hard to shut your mouth when you have had years of experience and know what your children don't. Ian was saying that he wished that his brother (who is now married with a small child) had listened, and that he can now really understand how frustrating it is for a parent to have experience and want to protect their child. \n\nIt is really hard on your mom for you to grow up. She is afraid that you won't need her anymore and she is trying to prove her worth by giving advice, a little too enthusiastic, I agree, but still, try to keep where she's coming from in mind. So, why don't you try this. The next time you are expressing a thought and she cuts you off, say "wait just a second, Mom. I really want to know what you think and I want to make sure you have all my thoughts before you give me yours, that way you will have all the information and I won't have to interrupt you." Try it and let me know if it works. If it doesn't, I can think of a couple of other tactics. \nGood luck!
346246
I've had the same problem with my mother and the result wasn't a good one, her relationships with her boyfriends put a wedge in our relationship. I learned to deal with it, but I don't want that outcome for you. You have to talk to her about, sometimes that doesn't always work, but at least u can say u tried. The truth is men can brainwash a woman and turn them against there children, its sad but it happens. Try to stay strong with this situation.
638543
hey bro.. me again..well as i said... been there happened to me..my case similar..though she was living down the street..as for what u v done with not talking to her its the right thing..its difficult otherwise not to think about them 24*7... my x had got engaged and that's y we d broken up.. as far as the family is concerned keep u r distance... don be rude as i can tell that's not gonna be u...be polite... mom likes u huh??? what is this now i have to get my life copyrighted...?lol.. ne ways what i think is send her sis flowers and something but don think u should go there...cause if u do it ll just bring the memories flooding back...\nand we don want that.. what we do want is to forget this girl and find someone better.. though we sometimes feel we don want someone better we want her.. but we don have her... when we r finally over her and moved on we ll look back and smile and laugh... but i know it hurts now... but u r not alone in your pain... and there r many more pain full things... so chill and get busy with other things... be polite but distant... take care...
505712
It's hard to like a parent like that. Sure you love them because they're the person that brought you into this world but your mom sounds self absorbed and miserable. Not much you can do about that and definitely don't take it personally. SHE has the problem.Shes too wrapped up in her own self to take notice of you and the sad thing is that that kind of behavior is HER loss.Keep the phonecalls short put a timer on in your kitchen when you know you're going to talk to her.Feel free to interupt her  and start talking about your own life whether you think she's interested in it or not.You weren't put on the earth only to service her needs. If she sounds lonely make brief suggestions for her to join some groups or other practical solutions to her problems.If she starts up with the same old stuff again the next time that you talk to her interupt her and tell her that she already told you about that and you want to know when she's going to do something about it.It might sound mean but it's really not.Not allowing her to go on and on is being kind to yourself and it forces her to  get the fact that you're not willing to listen to her if shes not willing to try to make the effort to solve her own problems.Good luck...
95315
Speaking from experience, my current husband (32 yo) is the same and his mother....well I'm sure you understand .... bascially, it's not his mother, please listen when I say this...IT'S NOT HIS MOTHER....IT'S HIM! If he doesnt want to an adult and think and do for himself as an adult....he WILL NOT change. Do yourself a favor......move on!
318990
How old are ya?  If you are like 13 or more.  Look at it this way, soon you will be moving out on your own, making your mark on the world, and mom's going to need someone to keep her company.  Ya, I'm sure he's annoying to you, but if he doesn't hurt you, provides for you, for your mom's happiness, pretend you like him  for her.  It's hard to find someone later in life, omg is it so hard.  Try to look at it from her stand point.  He may annoy ya, but you don't have to life with him forever, she does.
578967
This man does not respect you - I suspect he doesn't respect your mom either, since he hasn't changed his behavior after she talked to him. You cannot teach him to respect people, but you can make him respect you. Sometime when nothing is going on and things are completely calm (and he is sober) you need to approach him about this. Do not attack him and start an argument. Just let him know that you realize that he and your mom may well be together for some time, and you'd like to be able to reach some sort of common ground to make things better for everyone. Reassure him that you are never trying to disrespect him, and would happy if he would do the same. The fact that you are approaching the situation in such a mature fashion will make him realize how immature he is acting. Have a discussion with the man and really be honest about how he is making you feel. If he is unreceptive to all this it is time to talk to your mom. Try not to complain or whine to her, but be just as mature as you were with him. It does not matter if she gets put in the middle - she is your mother, and that's her job.