MY MOTHER HAS HAD IT IN 4 ME SINCE BIRTH! NO MATTER WHAT I SAID/DID/TRIED I CUD NEVER WIN HER "APPROVAL". IF I MOVED A MOUNTAIN, SHE WUD SAY, IT WASN'T BIG ENOUGH! TIME AFTER TIME WHEN I WAS DISOWNED,(I LOST COUNT),ALL SHE WUD HAVE 2 DO WAS CALL. I WUD DROP EVERYTHING N BE THERE! HER DISOWNING ME WAS BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE, SHE HAS "DESTROYED" ALL THE GOOD THAT HAS BEEN IN MY LIFE: DATING/FRIENDS/RELATIONONSHIPS, NOT ATTENDING MY WEDDING, TELLING MY ENTIRE FAMILY "NOT 2 GO,"OR ELSE", WIMPS THEY WERE, DID AS "SHE SAID", 7 BLOOD RELATIVES SHOWED UP, 2 WERE MY BROTHERS,IN MY BRIDAL PARTY, LEAVING 5 OTHERS, "WHO I THANKED 4 "NOT LETTING HER "FEAR & INTIMIDATE THEM"! THIS IS A "HUGE PART OF OUR PROBLEM", AT 17 I MOVED OUT "THE FREEDOM" "THE NOT LIVING UNDER CLOUD OF DOOM", I  NEVER UNDERSTOOD HER BEING "MISERABLE", WHEN SHE HAD "GREAT KIDS", MY BABY BROTHER,WHO I WAS RAISED (WHEN I WAS 9 YRS OLD) HE WAS A NEWBORN!  OLDER BROTHER ALCHOHOLIC/HEROIN ABUSER, SHE "WORSHIPS GROUND HE WALKS ON?
134198
It sounds like there is a lot of sibling rivalry going on.  Your mom may have too much for her to handle- not your fault, and probably not completely hers. The drug addict alcoholic brother NEEDS more attention, so she gives it to him- that dont measn she loves you less (although it has happened before like that- I cant say from your question alone) SHE probably looks at you like the responsible one, and that you need less attention.\n\nIf you talk to her and express your concerns, maybe you will realize that she loves you very much and is very proud of you.  Maybe she feels like you were the one who grew up right out of them all. Maybe she dont knopw that you feel the way you do- and if she did, maybe she would change.  It sounds like you are hurt by all this, and you have a right to be- but do your best to reach your mom by communicating. Try your best to develop the relationship you want with your mom, eventually she will come around- and if she dont- no one can say you didnt try.
577067
Same age, similar problems.  Still at home.  moved out for 4 months, mom liked it, I moved back in and she's been really nasty to me ever since.  I'm also doing stuff she never did, like break emotional traditions that r in this family.\n\nBe interesting to see what other opinions come out of your question.  I read a brilliant book - the dark side of the light chasers.  Read it, it shed some light for me and helped me understand why I get so irritated and angry I could scream or see my hand on the other side of a wall.\n\nGood luck.  Be patient with mom if you can.  It's usually mom and dad/family that teach you your greatest lessons.  I try and take my own advice so I hope you don't think I'm opinion bashing so to speak (like bible bashing).  so many of them on this site!  amazing!!!!\n\nMy mom was a little older when she got married and pregnant I think.   She was 27 when she got married and like 32 or 33 pregnant with my 27 yr old brother.\n\nSee ya.  Email me if you'd like to exchange ideas about what can be done, what works and what doesn't.  smirti_n@yahoo.com.\n\nCheers. :)
557117
Wow!!!  Don't know what else to say.  I lost my 18 yr old in June, 2005.  And my mother 10 days after him in June, 2005.  And I thought I was having it BAD!!!  I guess that old adage that my mother used to say is true.  "There's always someone who has it worse".  I am sooo sorry, that I don't know what to say.  All I can do is to tell you that I am on yahoo messenger, as americanhousewife2005 and my email is americanhousewife2005@yahoo.com...I'm truly there for you to talk to!!!
483242
I totally feel your pain\n\nI HATED my ex b/f mom (hate is probably not the way i felt about her)\n\nShe was this f u c k e n converted lady (no offense to people who are converted) she use to tell me "Why dont you let your hair down (i have curly bushy hair) & when his family was there they always use to ask me about hair & my appearance.\n\nShe was just a complete cow\nHim & his mother has a very weird relationship - he use to tell her everything that goes on in the relationship like sex, figths we had, my drinking (which was just socially), the way i act around my girlfriends.\n\nF u c k after a few motnhs I told the both of them to go to H E L L\n\nNow I'm happy!!!\n\ncheerio \nMERCAYDEES\nPs: Good riddance of bad rubbish (good that you dumped him)
470712
I went through this too but we are know married and have two wonderful children.  I had such a hard time with my mother that I finally told her to stop talking to me about it unless she agreed to go to counseling sessions to discuss it.   This went on for years and it devastated me.  This is what I  wish I had said to her from the very beginning:  "Your problems with the relationship are just that, yours and yours alone.  If you want to discus your problems do so with someone who shares your opinion or discus them with a counselor.  But don't make your problems my problems."  I hope this helps.  Good luck.
52612
I'll be 40 in a couple months, and am still pretty open-minded.  However, my mother surprises me with some of the things she says sometimes, and I've wondered the same thing you're asking...  \n\nAfter all, she was the primary influence in my life, so if she can be so intolerant, how did I find a way to connect and relate to almost everyone I meet, regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion or socioeconomic background?
579917
WOW!!!  Well, the sad thing about the son is that at 24, he's already been affected by her craziness.  Children begin getting affected by these neuroic behaviors at around age 2!!!  The fact that he still lives at home suggests she's been very controlling and he just doesn't have the confidence to move out and be on his own.  First and foremost, get him to move out ASAP.  He needs to see what life is like with normal, healthy people.\n\nCan you have her commited?  You should but you can't.  Unless she's harming people physically.\n\nThis is very frustrating though , I sympathize with you.   I would not answer  your phone anytime the caller ID doesn't come out,  If they want to talk to you, they'll leave a message.  Just do this for a while and she will get tired of getting your VM, she'll get sick of calling.  She is obviously beyond desparate for attention.  \n\nWow, I'm curioius as to what your parents are like and how you ended up with such a loony toone for a sister!!!!! You seem very grounded~
77439
I don't really understand how this could be so. I am not jealous of my children, son or daughter, but am proud of them probably to the point of annoying those around me. I cannot comprehend a mother hurting her child in this fashion. Have you tried telling her what she is doing to you? and how much you want her acceptance and approval? Even so, she ought to realize it without being told unless she has emotional issues that block her from being the parent here.  It is very sad that she cannot feel joy in the things you are accomplishing, but I would urge you to take pride in yourself that you are doing the right things. Many people not getting positive feedback from their parents and mentors would turn down bad pathways, but you have not. So you must parent yourself here, and love yourself, and be proud of yourself.  After all, it is YOUR life, not hers.  You are the one to ultimately reap the rewards of your hard work.  If she is too blind for what ever reason to see your accomplishments, don't let her also blind you to them.  Try to comfort yourself with the understanding that the deficiency here lies in her, not in you.  If you must feel hurt, feel hurt for her that she lacks such an important facet of motherhood--the joy of rejoicing in your child's success. It is not a reflection of you, or proof of any failure on your part, and you must believe that.  You are not only good, but more than good, you are better and the best.\nI would be proud if you were mine.  Understand that your mom has issues, and these issues are not your fault. Do well for you and for your future and your future children.
97785
It happened to me. My husband and my sister no less.  It ruined my marriage, even after 28 years I haven't forgiven him.  He ended up with a terminal illness- Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years. He passed away in 2004. I felt like I had to stay and help him.  His actions affected my relationship with my older son and my sister...not that she was worth a second chance. But, I did try.  My mother, father, and baby sister didn't talk to me for 15 years- yea, like it was my fault. My brother and I remained estranged until he passed away. All I did was stay with the guy.  Big mistake! My younger son is not really part of the family every one shuns him because he looks like my husband. My sister's daughter ended up being an outcast and tried to commit suicide twice. What should you do?  Move on...make a life for yourself, find someone that respects you and loves you for who you are now... don't wait it will only hurt you! I am 53 back in college and making a life for myself for the first time. I have never been happier. I plan on traveling and staying alive! With as much enthusiasum as possible..If you need to have someone beside you I am sure that there will be that certain someone around the corner.  For myself, I just love being myself. One day maybe I'll meet someone but, for now my happiness and peace of mind it what counts to me.
122752
I don't know if there is a way to really get over it. She is your mom.  I do know how you feel.  My relationship with my mom has always been strained I always just let her say whatever and took it.  I eventually backed away and we didn't talk for a while. Then we slowly started talking again.  We still talk but don't have a close relationship.  I would give it some time and let her cool down.  Hopefully she will come around.  Hang in there.  But remember that even if she is your mom she shouldn't put you down and she should support you.  So even if you do have a relationship again with her don't rely on her for emotional support.
441120
I am unsure. sound weird ,   well....  To be brief conflict with my mother arose without warning  shes 79  i am 36.  We never get made like get the hell out, except when I was 13 and thouight I was 30.  I felt bad because her mind is slipping and I am helping her recover from heart surgery this time last year. We grumble and laugh and tease like kids almost reverse roles now.  bottom line .  I cracked left,   all of the family 2 bros 1 sister 3neices 2 nepnews and mom all called and called until i came back.  She asked me to leave.   When I arrived it was as though nothing had happened, except for me I felt so ashamed for breaking.  Its a long story about a great family I wouldnt trade for ANYTHING, so without heartache you will never know joy.  Thats the saying..... well    it is true  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2007 only positive thoughts............ peace be with everyone
609807
Your mom isn't going to change now. She is not going to change unless she wants to. I think you realize this. You need to step back and deal with your own life. She isn't good for you, just because a mother gave birth doesn't mean you have to have a friend in her.
9121
no, i am sure that she doesnt hate you.\n\ni get the sense, however, that she is expecting soething from you with isnt fair for her to ask: she wants you to take a back seat to your siblings. i miagine that would be a very hard thing for anyone to do...\n\ni wish that i could give you some sort of magical advice that would fix your problem in one fell swoop, but we both know there is no such answer. the best that i can tell you is that you and your older sister both need to talk to your mother about they way that you feel.\n\nexplain it to her. allow her to ask questions, and maybe vent a little if she needs to. dont approach her with a accusatory manner, and dont give her the feeling she is being ganged up on. simply tell her the way that this treatment make the two of you feel, and i bet she will understand. however, just cuz she understands, does not mean that she will then fix the problem in one fell swoop.\n\nif the above doesnt work the only other advice i could give the two of you is to suck it up, and deal with it, and thank the Lord for what you do have, and for the good in your lives rather than the bad. sometimes people are so set in their ways that they cant even comprehend change, and i pray that mother isnt one of them.\n\nanyway, i wish you both the best of luck, and i hope that this helped you, even if only a little.\n                   \n                        :-)
243001
She is a perfect girl going through stages in life a tough way. Thank God she is being caught and hopefully it will eventually make her come to her senses and change her pitifull lifestyle. We all learn through mistakes and for sure she will learn thru hers too. Many of us have done this and are now responsible citizens & its only when you have been through it that you really get shaped in life. I for one started drinking (heavily) at 18, had a baby when i was 14, had a number of abortions. Was in and out of home as a teenager, cohabited several times as a teenager and did other more worse things and learnt alot from all these mistakes.  Went back to school, and now a chartered marketeer, doing well, raising my son wonderfully and a devout christian. What am saying is your daughter will get through all this, just be there for her no matter what she does. My Mom loved me though I was what others regarded a rotten girl. She loved me and kept telling me I could do it I wasnt all that bad, and I made it. So hang in there and keep encouraging her. She will change. Above all else pray for her, God wont fail you.
83020
I have 3 siblings, two are brothers and one is a sister, I am a girl, too. So in my family my mother had 4 children. When I am older I only want one child, because two or more seems just way too much for me. I want to adopt my child from Peru, too. She will be a girl, and I will name her Fate, or Faith. If I get married probably Faith, but if not Fate. Yeah, I kinda have my whole life planned already, but who knows what will really happen.\n\nJust because I am such an open person, I will tell you all of my plans. =) Okay, first off I will go to college and learn all about therapy and things like that, I want to either be a massage therapist or physical therapist. Anyways, once I get a job I will move somewhere by the mountains, and have a cabin to myself there. I dont plan to get married, because I just dont do well with the opposite sex. Anyways, so when I feel I have my life in a good place I will adopt my child from Peru, and name her little Fate Morgan. Or Faith Morgan... anyways. I will take defense classes and learn how to defend myself, and I will buy a rifle, for protection only! Yeah, my life sounds cool, huh? =)\n\nIf you want to talk to me about this email me at goodbye.heartache@yahoo.com, love to hear from you!
490889
She is already living the example that was given to her by her mother. You may not be able to disuade her from many bad decisions, they are after all, her choices. The very best you could do for this young lady is be a very caring and available adult. Trying to control her at this point will more than likely drive her away. Talk to her openly, but without judgement. Make your conversations thought provoking, encourage her to answer and solve her own issues with you.
645151
That certainly wasn't very "MOM" like of a comment.  Although I don't condone what your mom said, I am sure she misses and loves you.  Although my children are small and can't imagine saying those things, try and evaluate your mom.  Is she a single working mom working several jobs?, were you a hand full growing up?  Just remember we all do really rotten things that we are ashamed of and no ones perfect.  I am sure she misses you a whole bunch.  Try and be gentle with her and don't repeat history by punishing her like she did you.