About 6 months ago I met the most wonderful man . He is smart, cute, successful, caring, and everything I would want in a man. There was an immediate connection the first time we met. We have great conversations, and when he looks at me with "that look", I feel butterflies in my stomach. There is only one major problem, he is married. He has told me he also cares for me. We have not been intimate,yet. I have tried to ignore these feelings, but they won't go away. I don't want to hurt his wife, but how can you ignore something that feels right. I have known several couples that started out the same; my sister and her current husband were both married to other people when they met, and they fell in love and have been happily married now for 3 years. My father met his current wife when he was still married to my mother, and they have been married now for 20 years, and she has been a wonderful part of our lives.What should I do, just forget about him? What if he is the one for me?
123286
Well, i wouldnt forget about him. I would stay close with him. Maybe just maybe if he is the right one for u and ur the right one for him he might divorse his wife and u both live happy for the rest of ur life. Ive seen this many of times and normally what u r felling is the sign that he is the one for u.
636018
He will probably always remember every little stupid thing you say.  It sounds like a first love relationship between you both.  It is hard to  make these last, so few people ever really end up with their first love.  He is at an age now when he will be noticing every girl and woman around for the next 20 years; even after he gets married.  He needs to sow wild oats and if you are meant to be with him, when he is ready to settle down he will come to you.  Just be a friend and also do what you need to do at this point in your life.  \nWaiting and waiting and waiting, full of hope, is not a great way for a girl to live her life.  You can grow old and sarcastic that way.  \nHe is talking about another girl; that is his way to let you know he needs to be let go for awhile.  Be a friend but don't be demanding or clingy or emotional with him.  Find some other guys you can be demanding, emotional, and clingy with (ooops, not really, that was my sarcasm gene kicking in).  \nDo things and be with people you enjoy.  Blossom where you are right now.   Don't let yourself put all your eggs in one basket.  You are just now starting to understand what you want your life to look like.  \nUntil you are 25 neither one of you will be really sure what the picture for your life is.  \nSo, enjoy the next 10 years of freedom, no responsibility, worlds of choices, and make yourself into the best person you can be.  That way, you can attract the type of man you really want to be with.  Think of how you want him to look and talk to you.  Think of how he will treat you and hold you.  Then, become the person who will attract your perfect man.  Shape and mold yourself; do not get discouraged with this fellow who is just finding out that tons of girls are out there.  You might end up heartbroken.  Go swimming, hiking, draw, take photographs, dance (this most of all), hang out in nature - go for it, later when you have kids you will miss these things.  \nIn other words, Love and Care for yourself first.  You cannot know true love without doing this first.
2346
I first met my wife on the internet. And she is from another country too!\nI didn't really know if I loved her till I met her in real life (after about 3 months of chatting on the net and some phonecalls). I still didn't think we had a future together, but she really wanted to go on, and I was willing to. And.. here we are now :)\n\nMy advice is to try to get to know him more, find out his concepts and values, and pray about it. If you feel peaceful, try meeting him. Be careful, but not paranoid.\n\nGood luck :)
150293
Back away from the married man and no one gets hurt!LOL Seriously though, don't put yourself in a position to where you become involved with a married man. He will NEVER,NEVER,NEVER be able to be there for you when you need him, on holidays, for vacations... he'll never be there in the night when you just want someone to talk to or snuggle with...he'll never be totally with you because he already HAS someone he is obligated to spend his time and money on. You can get past those feelings for him that you are developing if you stay away from him as much as possible. As for the other guy, if you have developed feelings for someone else while you were with him, then maybe your feelings for him are not what they should be. Try staying away from both men for awhile and give yourself some time alone to sort out your feelings. Right now you can't be good for either one of these men OR yourself. Good luck to you!!
225974
I can see this ending in tears.\nYou need to forget about him and move on. He has a baby with someone else, and you'll end up taking that baby's daddy away if you pursue him. His wife needs him, they have a family. If you want a family too, I am sure you will have one one day, just not with this man.\nPlease move on, don't be the home wrecker. Have some pride, move on, and realise that you are a beautiful person who doesn't need to be with someone else's man to make her feel like a woman.
182632
Are you really in LOVE with HIM?  Or is it the idea of new love and that feeling of new love, that you're in love with?  Especially being a married woman, after a little bit of time you lose that new love/lust euphoria.  Perhaps there are some things that you are missing in your marriage that you are looking for in this new guy.  I know it doesn't answer your question, but perhaps you should work on the marriage that you're already in and see if you can improve it, because you must have LOVED your husband at one time
179427
Oh? I have been in your sitution  before but, I got over it The incident happened to me 30 years ago and I never forget my experience.You only see him far away but you never have a long conversation with him.You just could not date another person.What can you do and you wish to hook up with him?Do you think that he has a wife already or he is a gay man.Do the school or college allow students dates  their teacher?.I do not think so and you might get him fired.Well I have been there and done that.As I recalled,I was 24 years old and I did not approach him and I was afraid that would cause his job so I moved on.It was very painful and I kept thinking about him.( he was single professor and very handsome)Finally,I graduated from my college and found a nice guy to marry.By the way, you should try to say hello and talk to him without reveal your feeling and see how he is.  You never know that you may change your mind about him and life goes on instead of being struck like me and I did not find out about him.
149213
I am going to empower you, girl, for this Life is far too short to attempt to spend it...as you appear to be trying to. Lesson One: STOP believing that YOU can read anyone else's mind, let alone a man's! STOP injecting YOUR feelings/voice into the space where someone else's feelings/voice should resound. And for the love of God, please STOP yourself whenever you find yourself even THINKING: "Yeah...I KNOW ______ (fill in space with a name) is behaving in this fashion BUT..." The reason why is this: Unless your last name is "Christ" you are most likely under-qualified to accurately 'read' other people's (true) feelings/emotions/thoughts, etc, etc. You can GUESS, but you will NOT always be correct. OK, if someone's real-world/real-time actions DO support a particular notion of yours, you CAN make an educated guess. But, for the sake of your not spending your life spinning your wheels and waiting for guys to act the way YOU 'know' they REALLY feel...please DO consider discerning/judging people (ESPECIALLY MEN!!!) by what they actually DO and NOT by what they say. Try to respect people enough to believe that they actually KNOW what they are saying/doing, even if it is not what YOU prefer them to say/do. Anything less makes YOU the 'bad guy', as in: controlling, manipulative...Bottom Line? If your man really loves you, he will find his own way back to you. And YOU should require nothin' less, because if HE left, he should EARN   you all over again. He will not respect you, otherwise, and you may have a lifetime filled with him goingcominggoingcoming...! A good woman IS worth her weight in diamonds. Has he presented you with something, somethought, someindication, which demonstrates to you HIS understanding of YOUR (positive) worth, yet? If not, why are you even wasting time TRYING to understand HIM?!? My dear, YOU are worth more than YOU (appear to) know. So...here's MY parting 'gift': If he IS an immature jerk, let 'im go. Alternately, (I promise) the minute you STOP! worrying about him and move on with your own life- and No, this doesn't necessarily mean YOU should go out and make an ass of yourself with other guys/men/boys, either- he WILL take notice (meaning: miss the dedicated attention his fabulosity assured him of receiving from you) and come running with his 'feelings' in full display for you to (mis)interpret...again. Oh! And if you are an attractive/sexy/cute/desirable/viable female...the latter will happen sooner than you can blink. Have faith. In you.
80437
Well, here's something. My mom and dad went through a rough patch. My dad had this friend from college that he remained in contact with. She taught at a school a couple of districts away. She is unhappy in her marriage as well. My mom felt that either my dad, or this other woman, had feelings for each other. They went to see a counselor about it (after about 2 years of feeling this way) and my dad realized that what he had was an emotional affair. He cut things off with the other woman and he is now back to the same great guy he was. My advice, talk to your husband about how it is making you feel. He may not even realize that it is bothering you. My dad didn't think there was a problem until he went to see the counselor. He may think that what he is doing is fine and there is nothing wrong with it, but if he is hurting you, then there is something wrong!!! Good Luck!!!!!!!
272859
Love is an action as much as a feeling. Show your WHOLE family how you feel and you can't go wrong.\n  My daughter got married March 3rd. We are very close and it has been a challenge. She & her husband invited mom & Dad to help them get their new place how THEY want it inside & out! We are having a great time getting to know her new husband even better and feeling useful too. We also have them over for cook outs and to help us rearrange our home. \n  This isn't easy for any of us and learning to give eachother space can be just as important as keeping eachother close. I'm relearning much about my husband as we finally get alone time we haven't had for years!!! Just remember your loved and this is your chance to pass on to your husband all the love and caring your parents taught you. Love is always the answer!
314473
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
407363
Well, he left you five weeks ago and he is married now. Its none of your business what his wife thinks, or whether or not they are going to be happy together. Sorry, just being honest.\n-NmD!
62788
His just proably very busy and his thinking about you. Maybe his thinking about what to do with you next. Relax you dont want to scare this guy away. I've been there and done that. Its not cool becuase you hurt yourself for what you did. Just go with it and get to know him first. Don't jump to the marriage part. you guys just met.  I really think that there's things he needs to do and haven't had time to call you.  GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!  unless you go out one day and caught him with someone else then just look at it like you don't care but don't let him see you be hurt. " Those who wait will be reward!!"
183347
All of your thoughts are definetly valid ones.  You know that the beginning of "where's this going" relationship stuff is NO picnic.All I can say is, keep your eyes WIDE OPEN.  Pay close attention to any RED FLAGS along the way (if there are any).  You know, it's just one of those things in life that really, only time will tell.  By all means don't put yourself in the position to feel obligated in to rushing in to anything.  I WOULD recommend paying close attention to his ACTIONS.  Be cautious of charming talkers.  Please, allow time to take it's course.  \n\nI would be curious why he feels it's necessary for you to know where he is, even if it is work related.  To me, it's just a bit odd.  That would get on my nerves after a while.  I mean, his employer is the one that really needs to know where's he's at all the time, not you. That's merely MY opinion.  Is he borderline needy without actually being needed?  Not that there's any crime of being 45 years old, having never married.\n\nAhh.  Like I said, just allow time to take it's course.  If it's really meant to go anywhere, then it surely will.\nDon't be too hard on him, or yourself.  Just be smart, okay?\nTake care.\n\nP.S.  Hey there c68!  I sure hope this turns out to be something good for you.  Be patient, enjoy each other, learn about each other.Maybe this is one that deserves your time.  I really do hope he's a good person.  Keep on your toes.  You seem to be a smart cookie.  Keep it up!\nI'm thinkin' about ya and if it helps, I'm pullin' for ya too. (Well, you know,...for both of you)  Take care.
210721
My heart truly goes out to you and I know if I found myself in this situation it would totally crush me also.  You are perfectly normal reacting the way you are.  It would be extrmely hard to let this child into your life because its like a kick in the teeth each and everytime you see the child.  Its a constant reminder of what has happenned.  Try thinking of it this way:  You were seperated when this happenned so atleast technically it was not an affair.  Your husband thought his marriage was over and didnt think u loved him anymore so he turned to find comfort else where.  BUT he loves YOU and now u r back together and trying to work it all out.  I know it will be very very difficult for u cuz I know it would be for me but you are right- this child does need a father in his life.  You r right- he did not ask for this to happen to him- and he didnt pick his parents.  Take the time you need to sort thru your feelings and talk and confide ALL your feelings with your husband.  Let him know u need time to adapt to this major shock in your life.  You need to search your heart and soul.  If you truly love your husband and cannot imagine life without him- then some way some how you will eventually have to adjust to this child.  YOU DO NOT EVER HAVE TO ACCEPT this other woman.  In fact I suggest u never even meet the woman or see her!  Thats just TOO much to ask of your already broken heart!  But remember- this is an innocent child- after you have searched your heart- try to come to terms with this.  If you cannot you will have to end the marriage.  Remember:  U were seperated when this happenned!  Good luck to you sweetheart and my heart is with you.  Feel free to e mail me ANYTIME at cstinkerbell6969@yahoo.com  YOU DO HAVE A FRIEND and confidant out in this world!  I wish you the greatest success in all you do!
203442
go and meet him but you have to see carefully if he actually loves you or not.\nIf you actually feel that he loves you, marry again
260244
Sweeite, it's alright.  What you feel is totally natural.  I have been with my guy for three years and I am the maid of honor for a woman who has been dating her guy for five months.  I have a complex about it, and she loves to rub it in.  \n\nSomething I have realized, though, through all this is that marriage, while being the ultimate committment is not required to have a totally fulfilling realtionship.  While I may not even be engaged, I know that we are meant to be and have a bond that my friend cannot even contemplate with her new beau.  \n\nNot being egnaged only means that you are mature enough to know that the marriages that last longer are the ones who wait two to five years.  You will not stumble into anything weird wwhen you get married.  You know everything about him.  Believe me, some of these new brides will find at least one thing that will surpirse them about their mate.  Getting married in the honeymoon phase of a realtiohsip, while looks good on paper, is not really the best way.  once that is over, what do you have left?  Only knowledge and understanding of the other will be the true test of time, and that can only come with time.  \n\nDon't sweat it.  You are the smarter one.  Know it, breathe it, live it!  You are one up on them, not the other way around!