I am very unhappy my husband has never trusted me. He's always thinking that I am cheating. He never wants me to go anywhere taking his keys when he wants to.  I found out he was cheating and he admitted it and promised to stop. That was 5 yrs. ago and he is still doing it.  I have met someone else and want to take it futher. I have been married all my aldult life and i am ready to move on with my life. Should I wait untill all my children are out of highschool or just take a chance. I don't think my husband will let me just get a divorce because he has a image to uphold so i may have to leave town and send him a letter. He is very jelous and very controlling. Help Me my youngest child is 14 and my oldest is 25 I have one in collage,junior high, and high schooll
134775
do what your heart tells you to do...do not cheat that is wrong
147686
Hmmm...I can not advocate that cheating on your husband no matter what the circustances are is right because if you are unhappy you at least owe it to him to voice your emotions and to move on. Just because you don't have a good relationship does not mean that his feelings should be neglected just to satisfy your own. Since you two have been together for quite some time don't you think that you owe him that much to be honest? You say that he treats you badly and that you are unhappy but I'm sorry that doesn't justify your cheating in anyway especially considering that you have no children involved that might cause you to be stuck in staying. As for the guy that you are seeing now, maybe you are in love and perhaps a future with him will be great but you are more or less in that fairytale stage of a relationship where they can do no wrong and this will fade. If this is something that you honestly feel is worth pursuing in order to make yourself happy then go for it by all means. Just remember that your happiness does not need to be based on a man and that you can find it yourself no matter what the outcome. I think that the betrayal and hurt is going to be worst for your husband who has no idea of what is about to surface and that for you it might be hard but that you'll make it since you have realized that this marriage is no longer what you want. I'm in no way trying to put you down or belittle you for your actions because it happens to the best of us since we are all only human but I would definitely consider your situation a little further and make sure that this guy just doesn't look like a better option because you dont really have the repsonsbilities and obligations that you share with your husband. There are no stings attached at this point with this new guy so it makes it all light-hearted and fun and if you do both embark on a relationship (especially a long distance one) there will be difficulties that will eventually come along. I would suggest taking some time out for yourself once you get a divorce and not rush into anything too quickly. I think that you need to hash out somethings with yourself instead of seeking comfort from a man that is merely supplying what is lacking in ur current relationship. Obviously if you decided to get married to your spouse, these feelings at one point or another were there with him and look at what has become of that. I think you need to just really spend some time with yourself and getting to reaquainted with your independent single self before finding an identity in someone else. I'm sure you are a good person and I hope that whatever choice you make that you will find the happiness that you seek. Just remember the feeling of everyone else involved and don't let your heart do all of the thinking for you during a time when you need to use your head. Best of luck to you:)
549141
Understand that he will never trust you.  I was home with two kids and pregnant and being accused of having an affair.  Pleeeeaaaassssseeeee!  He probably doesn't trust you because he is guilty or because someone before you ruined him.  Personally, If this was me, I would take the out he has given me.  I wonder if he trusted you to begin with.\n\nI would leave, get pro-active, pilates, buy a new dress and get a new man!  One who isnt' abusive and a cheater!
608385
It's always a tough call, when children are involved. It sure looks like he is cheating on you, as the evidence proves. He didn't deny it, either, just brought up your past transgression. \nYou need to ask yourself the question, can you live with him, knowing the facts as you do, and what will it do to your children, if you are unhappy every day.\nIt may be rough and tough, but I think, if he won't stay true to you, you have little choice but to leave.\nYou might ask him if he is willing to see a counselor, and work through your problems as you did before. It may not work, and if he says no, then your choice is clear.\nGood luck, it's not a happy prospect.
304798
Wow, that is a complicated issue.  Lets start with you and your marriage.  You say you are ready to end it but this other guy won't end his for three more years.  If you are serious then that fact shouldn't stop you from ending your marriage right now rather than continue to live a lie and lead your husband on.  You need to base leaving your marriage right now upon the fact that you don't love your husband and you don't want to be married to him and not the fact that you and this other guy will be together.  The reality of life is that there are no guarantees no matter how much you and this other guy love each other that things will ever work out for you two.  So you need to decide right now are you willing to end your marriage right now regardless of what happens in the future.  \n\nAs for this other guy, I understand where he is coming from and considering you two have waited already for 9 years and him and his ex are together because of his desire to be with his kids I think you have to respect that.  I don't think anything you do is going to change his mind on that.  I also don't think when his kid goes to college it will be as easy as he thinks to end things again with his ex.  Again, one never knows for sure about the future.\n\nThe main thing is you need to be living your life regardless of all this drama.  If you shouldn't be married currently then you need to end that and start building a life on your own.  That way regardless of what happens in the future you control your own happiness and it isn't dependent on anyone else.
139824
For your sake and that of your children, move on. He obviously likes having the two relationships and that is not likely to change. The sooner you leave the sooner you and your children will heal. With all the lies this man has spun its amazing either of you are still with him. He has proven he has no intention of leaving. Don't waste more time on a relationship with no future. Find yourself a respectable man and live a happier life.
150769
Yes it is unfaithful!  Cheating begins in the mind.  When you can think about it, you can do it.  If you  can do it, there is a good chance that you will do it.  Just remember, staying or going is your decision.  But do you really want to live every day suspecting, not trusting, and on top of that, your children will notice the strained aspect of your marriage.  Wouldn't it be better, for them, if they seen you demand the respect you deserve?  Would you want your daughter to stay with someone if they lied to her and disrespected her?  I wouldn't.  That's why I left my husband.\n   Also, if he had really loved you, he would have been honest.  He would have come to you and said,"Honey, something is wrong.  I've been thinking about cheating, leaving, other women, etc, and We need to do something.  If I feel this way than we need to talk."  Respect and communication are part of a relationship.  If he loves you he will respect you.  If he respects you, then he will tell you the truth of how he feels-even when it is harmful to himself.  Because he would feel that you deserve it.
664883
I spent 10 years with my first love who did NOTHING but accuse me of cheating. Even after two kids and finalizing my faithfullness with MARRIAGE (which I regreat every day of my existance) YOU dont have to do a DAMN thing to prove that you are what you are, faithfull and a proud mom. Look at how awesome you are with providing for your kids no matter what curve ball life throws your way. It took me to 6 years to stop my putting up with his claims and accusations that I finally dusted myself up one day and realized, (1)How the Hell am I going to keep on putting up with this and (2) why would I put my kids through this? They are such incredible sponges and you are their role in relationships, family and love. My last straw was relationship counseling, that brought out alot of hidden insecurities that I never knew he had as well as shed some light onto several of his accusations. He actually WAS cheating for awhile and guilt wouldnt let him life it down. After 2 months of "trying for the kids" I left. Me and the kids got our stuff together, I fought for full custody and I havent been happier in a long time. There is a sole mate out there for you and HE will FIND YOU, not that you have to force it to happen just because you had kids with the guy. That is the worst reasons. You are making it alone (emotionally, and financially) you can do it without the added pressure of his stupidity. I have all the faith and prayer in the world on your side and you can get through this. You wont be alone, You will be Happy and Stress Free With Your KIDS. They need you. How old is your youngest? How old is your oldest? Dont hesitate contacting me for questions or advice. My heart goes out to you. PrncssNiki@yahoo.com
333417
I understand completely my husband and I have a very similiar situation. And I too do not trust him and he does not trust me. I think to make things work you have to learn to let go of the past mistakes and learn to forgive even though that maybe in order to go on together you must try to trust. But if he continues to betray you then you need to do what is best for you and your child.
478409
sounds like self sabotage to me. Have you asked yourself, why you do not want to be alone? \n\nSounds like you and your husband need to make changes together. It isn't right that you arbitrarily made a decision for him, by stepping out on him. Would you like it done to you? \n\nAnother thing, have you asked yourself why you chose a married man? You know that he isn't going to leave his wife, or should. He has no business being with you, as you have no business being with him. It isn't fair to you or the other people... such as your husband, and his wife. If the roles were reversed and you didn't know... how would you feel  once you found out... and now say you and the husband who is going to leave his wife, get together, live together, get married. Can you be certain since his history ( with you) has shown that he isn't imune to cheating since you were the other woman. Whos to say he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? \nYou need to stop setting yourself up for train wrecks waiting to happen and fix the situation you are already in. Break it off with the married man, and leave him alone. Talk to your husband if you want to make this work, open up the lines of communication and seek marriage councilling! Don't be mean and blurt out that you are having an affair because he is ignoring you and is not the sexual life of the party in the bedroom. This isn't all his fault and you need to realize that you both have needs that are not getting met, it takes two to make a marriage work and putting blame on him is not going to heal you. You need to figure out what your needs and wants are, and talking to someone to try to discover the part of you that is lost will help you in this relationship or any HEALTHY relationship you get into in the future!
280094
Girl Friend this is a classic case of I loved you until we moved in together. You have to know that even though this feels shitty now, you will be so grateful in the end. It is better that you find out now, before you both decided to get married, and 2 mo later decided that you want a divorce. Girl you have to realize that he is not the one for you. I say wish him well and push on. There are so many men out there that will appreciate you for who you are, don't sell yourself short. Let him go back to home, he's probably a mommas boys anyway. Figure out how much money you contributed to the joint bank account, then take the money and run. I know that you feel time has been wasted on this person, but better the time be wasted and you learn, so when the next person that comes along, you will see the signs before hand. Think of it as life just starting for you. Just to let you know he probably never loved you , he just didn't know how to tell you, another sign of a bad relationship in the making, when you can't communicate you are looking for trouble. Good luck in your life's journey, God has someone for you. You just have to wait and see
91134
Listen, little one, you need to send this guy back to his wife. Since he cheated on her, he'll eventually cheat on you. Once a cheat, always a cheat. You'll always be wondering if you can trust his relationships with other females. He needs to go home and work through his problems with his wife. Moving in with you to play house isn't solving his problems. It should really bother you that he's that kind of fella. I will guarantee that you'll have problems, some time in the future. How will he handle them? Will he go seek out some soft young thing to tell all his woes to? Or will he work through his problems? This guy's a loser, and a coward. No matter what his past life is like, he needs to deal with it. If he's already tried working it out, then he needs to get a divorce before he starts a new life. I would also suggest that he gets some counselling, to work through any left over issues that weren't worked through in his marriage. You sure don't want all his old baggage on YOUR doorstep. If he doesn't work through it now, you and he WILL be doing it later. I have experience in this particular thing and would never steer you wrong. I know that you've given your heart to this man, based on the promises that he told you. But, didn't he break the same promises that he made to his wife? It doesn't matter what kind of woman she is, he promised to always love her and would never leave her. I think you need to find a fella that doesn't have this kind of baggage. Also, another thing to think about...if he has kids, you'll have to fit that into your life too. And if the only thing you do is have sex when you're together, what does that say about him? For your own sake, tell him to go back to his wife and work it out. I know, for a fact, that there are really nice, single, fellas that would love to have a relationship with you. How do I know? Because my 32 year old nephew is STILL single...and looking for Mrs. Right! And he's a hunk, if I do say so myself! You deserve so much better out of life than this guy. Lastly, you say you have a family. Does that mean mom & dad & sibs? Or are you married too. If you're married & fooling around, you need to stop it too and work out your problems with your husband. He doesn't deserve that, no matter what kind of guy he is. Two wrongs don't make a right. <*)))><
410310
have you considered marriage counseling? even if he wont go with you...you still need to go.....you have only been married a few months and sometimes(trust me i know) the first year is the ABSOLUTE hardest...if you want to make your marriage work it will take time and patience....but if deep inside you ..you feel there is no way it is gonna work and you are 100% sure about it then do not be guilted into staying in a marriage you are unhappy in...do whats best for you and fix this BEFORE kids get involved...good luck sweet pea
317920
Maybe you should continue to stay separated but start "dating" again and work on your issues. Having children in the relationship I feel it could be detrimental to them to have him continually coming and going into the home. I would continue being involved in your church, praying for him and your marriage and continue marriage counselling. If after a few months and giving it 100% there are still no changes in him/willingness from him to work on his issues then I would sit down and seriously contemplate if this situation is right for you and your children. But hopefully with prayer and God in your life you will see some changes. I definitely think baby steps is the way to approach this situation. God be with you.
181326
"I don't want to divorce him over something this minor. (He would be left alone)"\n\nThis doesn't sound minor to me.  I'm 34 and going thru a divorce right now for similar reasons.  My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and I've never loved another person so strongly and intimately; but I've discovered that I'm not sexually attracted to her.  I tried to tell myself that it was a simple problem, and that it wasn't worth ending the marriage; but over time (and through therapy) I've learned that I was manipulating myself, and her, trying to keep the working parts of our marriage in tact at all cost – and damaging our relationship along the way.\n\nMy opinion: you are not responsible for his feelings, and you are not a bad person if you "leave him alone".  He's an adult, and can only benefit from facing this situation honestly.  How rewarding is this marriage going to be for him (or you) if your relationship isn't completely honest?  \n\nCHEAP ALTERNATIVE TO THERAPY\nTry 12 step meetings.  Not AA, but AlAnon, or better yet, CODA if it's available in your area (Codependents Anonymous).  You'll find yourself in a room full of people who are facing similar problems head-on, supporting one another without any bullsh*t.\n\nHope this isn't too preachy.\n\n:^|
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
358339
I'm sorry to hear that your husband is cheating on you because you're pregnant and this should be a happy moment. the easy answer would be to leave him but you have a child , perhaps a house and a commitment made before god through good and bad .\n\nSo you have to weigh your options\n\nmake a lis pros and cons, is he working? does he help with the kids? is he wiliing to consider counseling? will he do it again ? and if he lies when confronted thats a problem. if you chose to forgive your husband he has to be willing to work with you because trust has to be rebuilt ...rebuilding your marriage us goign to take alot of work are you willing to put the time and effort in having kids and being in love is not enough if your self image and ability to look yourself in the mirror is compromised