We had a great marriage untill I found out he is chatting wid other girls n visiting porn sites,when i confronted him he said he was stressed out so he started chatting/talking on phone with other girls,he sweared he stopped all this n later I came to know about his past relationships before marriage which he was hiding from me, now he says he has changed but I dont believe him n he said he met one of his female friends after marriage (whom he had sex with before marriage) for something related work ,how to believe him ? well he is nice with me n our son,he takes care of everything,he just loves us but I have completely lost faith in him,sometimes I wanna take divorce but what will happen to our son then ?I dont want our son to go through al this ,help me what to do ?
128432
sorry to hear about your case. You are like holding every breath you take and not letting any of the air out. Like you said, you man does everything right in the house and is a good father, just a bad husband. You want to sentence him to death on one hand, but on the other side he does not deserve the sentence of death.\nSo what should you do?\nAs a guy, i hate your husband because he has two face. For what you can do is use the website below. What it does is letting you know everything that your husband is doing on the computer. If he really cheats again, you have everything on paper. In black and write. Now, the question is about your kid. If your kid is a boy, he has a bad father to learn from. \nIf it really comes to divorce, so be it. You should not be sleeping with a guy that cheats on you every night for the rest of your life. \nPlus your son can learn from his father mistake and learn how to treat other women respectfully in the future.\n\nBut...but... if you want to give you husband one more chance, it is okay to. Once you know what he is senting on the computer. Tell him that you are take your son and yourself away. And You will be seeing him in court/lawyer office about divorce. But you don't want him to know about you knowing what he has been doing in the computer. That is you best card in hand for court in the future if you do decide to leave him.\nIf he comes back to you, he has to prove it. Give him a month time. See how much he loves you. See how many time he calls. See how much he is willing to do for you to get you back. \nRemember you are worry about your son, but you need to care about yourself too. \nMy friend live with her mother after her parent separated. She know what kind of dad she has and hated him. Her mom is doing find.\nI am not scarying you, i just want you to know you child will understand. You need to know if you husband is still the right man for you. If not...then he has to go.\nIf he is, then he stays.\nGood luck
243248
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
440806
he will never know the true u, he has a preconcieved idea of who he thinks u are, based on his own belief system, and his thinking. life is way to short to put up with a man who treats u as he does. sounds almost as if he don't really want to be there that maybe he would rather be somewhere else. he doesn't value you, if he did he would treat you better. if u have spoken to him and told him how u feel and still he continues to treat you like this, maybe it's time to get out of the marriage, and quit kidding yourself. when we get hurt it takes awhile to forgive and get over a trust issue, one can't just go back as they were. maybe it's time to make some changes for yourself, and decide if your really happy in this relationship. sounds as if you depend on him financially and need to stay for that reason, but that's never a good reason to stay with an angry hurtful person. sounds as if he hates himself, and maybe he has someone else in his life.
508415
Wow, Paul. Creepy. I agree that that these recent events may seem 'cosmic' in nature, but some of these things may seem suddenly more related because you have her on your mind. Constantly.  Kind of like when you learn a new word or phrase, and then it seems like you hear that word or phrase constantly right after that. Know what I mean?\n\nI think you've become obsessed with her, and you're not really thinking this through.\n\nFirst of all, have you discussed this with your son?  How does he feel about getting to know his mother after all these years? If you contact this woman, that may become a reality, and your son may have a different idea about that.\n\nHow would your wife react to this?  \n\nMost importantly, what purpose would it serve?  I think you have this fairy-tale idea that you'll become pals again and all will suddenly be well.  In reality, you'll be dredging up years of resentment, anger, and disappointment, especially where your son is concerned.  \n\nIs it really worth it?\n\nI can tell you that the reality of the results of such an endeavor will rarely live up to your hopes.\n\nDon't look at all these recent events as a MESSAGE.  That's an EXCUSE.  You want us to encourage you to do this thing.\n\nI'm not gonna do it.\n\nGood Luck,\n\nPolly
665177
I'm confused.. When you say you were speaking to other men.. is that all then? I don't see anything wrong w/that. You say tho 'he stayed w/me' and I don't know why he wouldn't (if it was just conversation.) You say he had a secret relationship.. was it sexual? You two both sound kind of jealous/possessive.. I mean I am basing this on the assumption there was nothing sexual involved in any of this. (If there was, that's a different story..) Let me see here.. He treats you like crap.. I take it that's the real issue on hand here.. I think men are kind of like babies (I'm married to one.. lucky me..) or they want their cake/ to eat it too.. they want us to cook and clean (and spread 'em) but on the other hand they want their 'freedom' to screw around on us at the same time. (We can't do anything along the same line tho..) that sux, right? He stayed because he's been with you and while the other gal's 'something new/exciting & different' you're the one he's 'used to living with' I am thinking. (Hell, this is depressing me!!) Hey, I DO think you've got value/self worth, dont' get me wrong! I'm just kinda bitter about men is all.. It sounds like my marriage of l4 years (boring.. I'm bored..) My ole man's an asshole (cuts me down) and then developed (or so he claims) e.d. so he tries to do the oral thing (doing me 'one big goddamned favor') on me for sex (but it's wearing thin or gettin' old I mean.. fast..) I want to dump him too.. (I think you want to dump THIS guy..) do it!! that's my 'valuable' advice for ya
326271
you know what? I dont understand wut is it with some people these days.. My friend is going through the same thing w/ her now ex bf.. I know, thats a different ball field, but still same attributes.. It's normal and very common for ppl to talk to other ppl about their marriage. Their is no violation, it's just conversation. everyone needs someone to talk to about their relationship or just in general. You're seeking help and advice! There is nothing wrong with that. but if your hubby is really making a big deal with about it, I would seriously consider sitting down with him and talkin to him bout it.. try to straighten it out. Or if it becomes a bigger issue than it is.. try to find a good marriage counselor to break through to him if u can convince him to go with you. girl talk is talk.. there is nothing wrong with it.
59971
If he has shown no repentance you can seperate yourself from him for a while. But if you have no proof you need to be very careful. If you suspect he has done this there are probably other deceitful things going on as well that feed the suspicion. If he has not admitted it you need to focus more on the things that you do know and search yourself for you wrongdoings as well. Ask him if you have wronged him in a way that has made him pull away from you. I highly suggest the book "love and respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. This book has been a marriage saver for many. \n\nIf in fact your husband has been outside of the marriage you have the right to divorce. But Jesus wants us to try to make it work anyway. If we can show forgiveness in that sort of situation then we can begin to understand the forgiveness he has for us.\n\nAre there children involved? You kids are learning how to treat people and handle situations based on how you and your husband do these things. Pretend for a moment that your daughter was in the situation you are in now. What would you advise her to do? Or maybe even pretend that your daughter in law came to you with the suspicion that your son was cheating on her. What would you advice your daughter inlaw do do about your son? Looking at it like this helps put things in perspective. \n\nAlso the most important thing to do is PRAY. Ask God for guidance. Try to pray with your husband. I will pray for you now.\n\nDear Heavenly Father,\n\nLord I bring this situation to you in humble prayer and inquisition. May you shine a light here in the darkness. May you guide this woman on what to do. Let her hear your words and obey. I pray that you convict her husband and bring him to repentance. May this couple see the significance their marriage has. And how marriage is a holy union to represent the Christ/Church relationship. May you wipe away the tears and give strength here. Lord let us remember the forgiveness you have as well as the wrath. Bless this womans search and may her efforts be pleasing in your sight. In Jesus's name. Amen
143317
I'm afraid it seems he is. I know from experience because my wife of 16 years cheated on me recently. When she tried to break it off, the "other guy" decided he would stop her at any cost. He killed her and then himself. Each situation is different and my circumstances may have been more extreme than yours, but I know my wife loved me and I loved her. The depth of my sorrow seems to be a bottomess pit at times. I have two children, 15 & 9, left without a mother. Please share this with your husband and maybe he will see that honesty is always best. God forgives, and so should we, but there are consequences for our wayward behavior. I'm sorry if this scares you, but its always best to learn from other's mistakes. Pick up a copy of the bestseller "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis, its a great book and addresses what you are going through, even if he is not cheating. And if he is, remember that he (in his perception) may find fault with you. There may be some truth to that, and although it does not justify his (presumed) action, it is something that the two of you should discuss with a good Christian counselor. WORK IT OUT FOR THE KIDS- and for each other, its worth it. Sex is easy to find in our hedenistic culture, but good love and commitment is a rare quality. It takes effort.\nI hope the best for you, I really do. May God bless your family and protect you from any further damage. (Mark 10: 7-9)
568560
This happened to my husband and I also.  Exactly, almost word for word.  Look.  She wants to know where you are and what you are doing because she loves you sooo much... more than anything in the world...  she can't bear to be without you and so when you are not around her the devil starts making her insecure and making her think there could be things going on.  AND that doesn't neccissarily mean cheating.  He could be telling her that she's not good enough for you, or that you could do better, or that you want out, or that you can't stand being with her.  So many different possibilities.  As far as her thinking that you are mad at her all of the time.  The SAME thing happened at the SAME time with us when we first got married.  I was always crying and always scared that he was mad at me for something...  Even though he wasn't.  He started getting really freaked out and the same thing happened to him.  He lost his sex drive because of it.  Which on my end made it worse because I thought that he didn't love me anymore because woman use sex with her husband that she loves with all of her heart as a way to feel close to him and for her to get the feelings of love from him.  The threats are normal!  No matter what ANYBODY says... they are all normal... Divorce, this, that... NORMAL!!  I don't think that you should divorce her.  We had a lot of struggles with the same thing .. EXACT same thing.  and we have been married HAPPILY married for 2 years now.  DON'T DIVORCE HER!  Especially if you love her.  As far as counceling goes... I didn't want to go either.  It's just a hit to my pride to know that I have to get counceling from somebody else about something that is supposed to be mine to control and make all better.  If you or her wants to talk to me or my hubby email us... it's hurleybabeprincess20@yahoo.com... seriously... \n\nDon't listen to these other idiots.... I would love to talk with her... \nNO marriage is perfect.  And you always have to take time and extra effort to make things work.  Make sure that you go to church regularly... and make sure that the church that you go to is a good church.  You can ask your wife if you can talk to the pastor on your own time about it personally... you will know by what the pastor tells you... if he is called to the ministry.  There will NEVER be a divorce option if he is.  The Bible is specific on the reasons for divorce.  You don't have any of them.  \n\n\nYOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD READ... THE POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND AND GET YOUR WIFE THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE... BOTH BY STORMIE OMARTIAN\n\n\nbtw... where are you 2 located?
139824
For your sake and that of your children, move on. He obviously likes having the two relationships and that is not likely to change. The sooner you leave the sooner you and your children will heal. With all the lies this man has spun its amazing either of you are still with him. He has proven he has no intention of leaving. Don't waste more time on a relationship with no future. Find yourself a respectable man and live a happier life.
506852
Wow, this is a tough issue.I just want to thank you first of all for this oppritunity. I want to congradulate you for going 2 1/2 to three years. Your relationship has lasted more then most marriages. \nNow you said that you lost trust, and I am not clear why you lost trust and then start checking the phone bills, but there must have been a underlining factor that triggered your lost trust. It could be the way of communication or time comittments with one another have changed. Items along those lines with past experence lead to this dis trust.\nI don't know your boy friend, but something tell me thatthere is a reason why he calls this female friend. evidentally she is giving somethins he needs that he is not getting from you. You mentioned that he communicates with the other woman about collage classes and the foot ball team. Does he talk about these things to you? If he does then he is hiding somthing, if not, then this is somthing that the other woman is providing.\nIt sounds like the other woman is interested in your BF. If it was only a friendship, she would be concerned about how he is relating to you.\nAltimatums is not good. Everyone looses in those cases. What you should do is communicate with your bf that you have no problem with the other woman, but OYou would feel more secure if you were included with these talks about foot ball and school. Invite the other woman over and go have coffee with them in your company showing that you and your bf are a comitted couple. If your bf is willing to comply with that then work from there and keep him. He should always make you his number one priority. You are his BEST friend. Everyone else is second. You have 3 years invested in this relationship, which is a huge investment, because you can not buy back time. \nAlso, always brag about your bf to everyone you two know Guys love that Mention good deed and attributes. Just don't over do it.\nIf and/or when things work oiut. You are going to have to forget the past and move on. Never mention the past  aginst anyone you love and they should practice the same to you, and everything will be Great, in a AWESOME kind of way. take care, Bye
613703
is your exwife a good woman? if she is, then try to repair the relationship for the sake of your sons stability. but your ex sounds kind of flaky. she may be the type that thinks that initial 'spark' is love and that loyalty and commitment have little to do with marriage... because if that was the type of woman she was-then of course she'd be wanting you back once you've found someone else! be careful... you and your ex need to have a talk about what love really is because you need to agree on what's going to happen and how you two will work at it if she miraculously loses her love for you again. remember to protect yourself and your son as well. i hope your ex is a good woman deep down....\n\nGod bless
325570
Ok, he has a secret. And he was scared how you'ld react. It took him 2 years to tell you this. I know you are upset, but it took him TWO years to tell you. He's just as scared as you are. What if the woman he LOVES doesn't accept this part of him? What if she divorces him just because he has an unusual hobby? Step back a second. He's not gay. He's not abusive. He's not cheating on you. You said he's wonderful. He's good to you. Yeah, of course its a HUGE surprise! And a very unexpected one. But you can get through this. He loves you, if he didn't he woulda kept the secret. He trusted you enough to tell you. Be glad its 2 years instead of 20. He feels comfortable enough with you to reveal such a shocking secret. You can make this work. It will be ok. He didn't CHEAT on you! Its ok. Yes it'll take time for the shock to wear off, but he must be totally in love and feel completely safe in your relationship to admit this. What does that mean about your marriage? Its a great one. Look at the positives, not the negatives. Yeah, its an unusual hobby, but you love that man. It'll be ok, really.
298029
I think you need to find another job.  He took advantage of you, and he is a user.  You need to move on and not think about him anymore.  He isn't available to you no matter what he says about him and his wife.  He hasn't left her and he isn't going to, that's what people like that do.
80444
Your husband may have an affair before but should this be a problem for your marriage now? Not necessarily, of course! As you are saying that things are just don't feel good, I would like to assume some probable reasons for this.\n\nFirst of all, it is all about your husband. He is still interested about that girl and trying to keep contact. If this is the fact, you cannot do anything to make things right. You should take a divorce.\n\nSecondly, it is all about your husband's x-girlfriend. She is trying to be your husband's 'friend' or willing to take him back to her life. In this case, help your husband to handle this situation and make him feel that you are always with him as long as he is on the right way.\n\nLast, but not the least, it is all about you. You knew the truth about the past of your husband and now you are just not able to control yourself when ou are thinking about that matter (I hope this is not the fact). In this case, try to understand the reality that having an affair in the past is quite possible. Love is all around and nobody wants to be lonely!\n\nHope I was able to cover all of the possible things and you are in one of those mentioned situations and also, you will handle all these successfully! Best of luck!
272575
No you are not over reacting. You have tried to make the marriage work, he has not. His behavior on the computer show he is still planning on cheating, still trying to meet other women. He has lied, and violated your trust and he continues to do so.\n\nYou have a decision to make. Can you live with a man that is cheating? \n\nIf I was in your situation I boot the S.O.B. out the door and head to the lawyers office.
573039
Honey, it's absolutely NOT you!!!  You are YOU, not just his wife.  You are an adult and should be able to be friends with others, hobbies other than what he likes, etc.  You DON'T have to do everything together.  You are you're own person.  The fact that he doesn't trust you with  male co-workers is a classic sign that HE should NOT be trusted because his way of thinking is "Well, if I'm capable of doing it, she must be doing it too".  \n\nYou should not have to walk on eggshells in your own house.  My husband and I were having some problems and he made me feel like everything I did was wrong.  He got irritated by every move I made and everything I said and did and we were miserable.  I was so confused because it was my first (and hopefully only) marriage and I was extremely disappointed in marriage and him.  \n\nOne day I had an epiphany.  I was letting myself be changed by him.  I no longer stood up for what I thought and what I did or did not like.  I was no longer ME.  I hate to be crude, but one day I thought to myself "What the f*ck is wrong with me?  He married me.  All my thoughts, flaws, mistakes, passions, talents, everything.....and I've been hiding myself.  Well, screw that!!!" \n\nHe came home from work and I told him.  I WILL BE MYSELF AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN LEAVE BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT YOU AND BE HAPPIER.  IT'S YOUR CHOICE.\n\nTo tell the truth, our marriage has never been better and I'm crazy about him.  If he gets slightly irritated at something I do, too bad.  Everyone isn't perfect and he certainly isn't.  Suck it up, Man!!!  You are far from perfect!\n\nIf he doesn't change, get out.  Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you for everything you are.  Be yourself.\n\nTake care,\n\nJoyce