He wants to have a baby but i'm not ready, because I have a year of school left. His friend just had a baby and the daddy isn't involved so he wants to be there for her. I'm scared that in the process of being a "father figure" to someone else's child, he'll  develop a bond with the mother that we don't have.  He doesn't understand my feelings and he thinks that I only want to be involved to "keep an eye on them"  I feel like it would be different if me and the girl were friends and I wasn't  being left out.  How am I supposed to handle this?  Am I being selfish?
127508
It is admirable what he is doing but without question they will form a relationship around that child that you do not have. Now that's not bad if  he is true. If he is not you could find that the significance of the bond between a man and a child can become more important than the bond between you and him. At least for a moment. Talk to him with out accusing him but let him know that you support his efforts but not in place of his feelings for you.\nIs the baby calling him daddy or are the two of you auntie and uncle?
69404
Do you really want a man that will turn his back on his unborn child, let alone a man that supposedly is in a relationship with you that goes out getting his so called close friends pregnant. Wake up Sister...dump the creep. You deserve better.
627267
I cannot tell you how bad I feel that someone hurt you sooo much when you were little.  I wish I could change it for you.\n\nHowever, Why are you trying to get pregnant and your not married??  I'm not judging you.  It's just that, if he has not committed to marry you and stay with you, are you in a position to take care of a child by yourself??  I only ask because I am a Mother of 3 girls.  Two of whom got pregnant with their boyfriend.  \n\nI also got pg before I got married.  We married, but it was a disaster and I ended up with 3 kids to take care of alone.  I really struggled because I only had a high school education. \n\nThink really hard about doing this. sweety.  This isn't something that goes away if you change your mind.  And no matter how good your man is now, things could change.  Can't you guys just be happy with the 2 of you right now??\n\nI know, sometimes things work out.  Are you 100% sure this is going to work out with the 2 of U?  Good luck, and God Bless.  By the way, God is waiting to hear from you.
194882
he is probally lying to you about going out they always say that stuff to make you feel better.  it is not going to get better right away at first it will get worse. maybe you should talk to him and tell him how left out you feel and that it is his kid you are caring to it would be nice to spend time together.  maybe you should talk to him about moving back and see what he says.  If things didn't change with the bar situation and him always wanting to be with his friends and family i would tell him that i was moving back home that may change him and it may not. but that is totally up to you to decide what to do. i have a 4 month old baby and his dad used to kinda do the same thing with his friends and i told him if it didn't stop i was moving back home that useually works. if it don't maybe you should consider moving back by yourself because i can tell you it is very hard to raise a newborn by yourself because you have no job or anything. just ride things out for a while and see if he changes and actually sticks to his word.  congratulations on the baby and best of luck!!!!!
145334
just know if you two are having problems a baby will NOT keep him with you. please make sure you're ready for a child with or without him. in my case we agreed to have a child together then 3 months into the pregnancy his ex is back into his life. I gave birth to  beautiful baby boy 2 months ago and his father is living with his ex now. if you cannot handle a child without him do NOT trick him into getting pregnant!
193764
This isn't a situation to have a kid in if you're struggling. If you've got dough and you feel like you can handle raising a kid on your finances, go for it - if you're ready.\n\nThree things though:\n1. He will permanently be in your life. That means his jealousy, insecurity, everything. He may be a clingy type father too that will make your kid be going nuts having to deal with a crazy father like that, and he WILL bad mouth you to your kid.\n2. You might get pressured into tying the knot with him (friends, family, etc).\n3. Babies suck your cash for real.\n\nSo - think about those three things, and see how much you can handle them. If you can, and you want to, go for it. If not, sweetie - you know what you might have to do.
228482
Sounds like if he doesn't want the baby he will leave anyhow. I would kinda get ready for that. He might surprise you afterwards the first time he lays eyes on his son or daughter..You being pregnant you do not need any unwanted stress..I would get my support ready, family, friends, ect and go on with my life and get ready for the most beautufil thing in the world.
74781
You didn't metion your ages.  So, I'm going to say that if you are under 18 and in school.  Stay in school including if it is college.  Think about how this baby will change your life as well as his.  I think he got real scared and didn't know what to do.  I would wait on marriage.  By the way you wrote it.  I don't think you "two" are ready for marriage.  If you are pregnant, you should talk to your parents and with him to his.  Parents might pressure you into marriage.  Mine did.  And I got divocere anyway.  Because my ex didn't want to support us. \n\nYou can go to the health department for free testing by blood.  Or parent planning clinic.  As them for information on adoptation or abortation.  The choice is both that you "two" have to make for the best for you and the baby.\n\nAs for the money, that is one issue in your relationship.  Are there other's that you haven't looked at?  I would talk to him and tell him how hurt you are by his actions over the money to find out about being pregnant.  Then see where you are in the relationship.  And go from there.
181121
He wants a baby. You don't feel ready. Ask him for a wedding first. Kids need two parents, and they need the legal protection of having their parents be married. And BOTH parents should be ready. Having a baby is a LOT of work. It isn't all baby powder and bassinettes. They cry at night, they get sick, they need a lot of attention, they need potty training, they need schooling, they need good role models, etc. Your kids are there forever. If he can handle all that responsibility, then go for it. But get married first. If he can't commit to you first,then he's not going to commit to a kid.
239326
He will not change.  He will not save you.  He will keep treating you like dirt.  You have a baby to worry about.  You can't depend on him.  Obviously.  He can get mad as much as he wants.  You need to start thinking about how to take responsibility for the baby.  Stop worrying about him.
282068
youve only been going out for 3-4months over the phone i don no how long youve spent together not on the phone but its to soon. take it from my personal experience i was asked to marry someone after a week of noing him and he told me he wanted me to move with him it scared the crap out of me but i stayed with him. we had a long distant relationship for about ten months when three of them i heard nothing from him. he was in the army he left the army and about five months after spending time with him i feel pregnant i didnt no the true him until i feel pregnant cause he totally changed. i someone was to tell me that agian id tell them to go and get help. my daughter has never met er father and shes two and a half and will never get to meet him cause he was recently killed in a car accident.\n\nbut if its meant to be it will be but take it slow im not going to judge maybe she just wanted to see what your plans of a family are if it starts getting serious
350220
I was in your exact situation.  Seems like the timing is never right, there's always something. Just tell him how you feel, and that you are ready to get this ball rolling.  Don't give him an ultimatum b.c you are right that will just push him away.  But definitely stress on the fact that you aren't getting any younger.
120302
HAVE YOU TRIED TELLING HIM HOW YOU FEEL!? LETTING GO IS NEVER EASY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR AROUND ONE ANOTHER ALL THE TIME!! BUT, AS A WISE PERSON ONCE SAID, "WHAT DOESN'T KILL US WILL MAKE US STRONGER" AN I BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE! I THINK YOU OUGHT TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER ALL TOGETHER UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN(SURE LET HIM COME TO DR. APPT. AN STUFF) BUT AS FAR AS SEEING ONE ANOTHER DON'T DO IT! THIS WAY IT WILL GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU NEED TO GET OVER HIM AN HE CAN STILL BE INVOLVED IN THE BABIES LIFE!!! AN THEN AFTER THE BABY IS BORN AN IF YOU STILL FEEL THE NEED TO BE AWAY FROM HIM THEN TELL HIM! THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF PARENTS RAISING THEIR CHILDREN WITHOUT HAVING TO BE AROUND ONE ANOTHER! I KNOW THIS CAN'T BE EASY FOR YOU(BEING PREGNANT) AN ALL!! BUT, I WISH YA THE BEST AN HOPE THAT MY ADVICE CAN BE SOME HELP TO YOU! IF YA WANT YOU CAN EMAIL ME AN I'LL TRY TO HELP ANYWAY I CAN!!!\n\n\nBEST OF LUCK!!!
118153
Dear girl, Oh my... I wish you had asked for advice 2 years ago; perhaps much of your pain could have been avoided.\n\nYou say you two have NOT been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and you are still with him. WHY are you still in this relationship? He's NOT committed to you and hasn't been for 2 years! Is he sleeping with other women? Are you sleeping w/ other men? Have you even thought about the risk of HIV and AIDS? You two have a child now. And my dear, why did you get pregnant with a man who hasn't been committed to you? You should never have sex with any man who is not committed to you. He gets sex, you get hurt. It happens every time. Unfortunately, you are not the  only one getting hurt; you have made a baby and brought your child into this situation. \n\nDo you two still live together because you have a child, or because it's easier than moving out? Let me ask you, does he support you and your child financially? Are you you paying any of the bills? Are you paying bills for your baby? If your baby's father is not supporting you 100% emotionally AND financially, then you are better off leaving for good, once and for all. I am sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he may be using this "money issue" as an excuse and he doesn't have the guts to get out of the relationship. Some men can't handle being fathers, especially if they are not in love with the baby's mother. Having a baby brings a couple in love even closer, but couples who are not in love do not get closer after the baby is born.\n\nI wish I could tell you otherwise, but I definitlely think it's time for you both to be grownups. Living the way you both are is not the adult, responsible way to solve this problem. Make an agreement regarding the child's support and visitation and part company amicably. Many women with small children meet other men who do love them and will be committed to them and their child/children. My father met my mother when she was a yound divorcee with a 2 year old and married her and proceeded to have 2 more children with her. They were married 53 years until he passed. There is hope for you to do the same.\n\nIf you are not good with $$$, then take some money management classes (@ a local school, community college, aid center). You will need these skills whether you are on your own or not. \n\nIf you were not honest regarding $$$ with your partner, then I suggest you get to church, temple, etc., and you start being honest with God and yourself. Remember, you have a child you need to be teaching good values to now. If you were honest, then you're okay there, but going to a place to have a relationship with God will still be powerful for you at this time. \n\nYou CAN start a new and better life. Don't give up on yourself, no matter how hard it may be at times!
370086
I think you should talk to your friend and ask him why he wants a baby and if he's ready for the commitment.\n\nGood Luck.
361990
You can't tell your daughter's father to stay out of her life, because this will create a lot of drama between the two of you! It seems to me that he doesn't want to take responsibilities for his actions and doesn't want to be involved in her life! I agree with you; not only is he hurting his daughter by not being there in her life, but he's hurting himself as well. What he's doing now will be full of deep regret later on in life! If he doesn't want to be in his daughter's life, let him continue to pay child support! Besides, as your daughter grows up in the years to come, she will learn more about her father and won't show any respect for him! Good luck to you and I wish you and your daughter the best!
219507
Your apprehesion is valid.  You should only have children if it is what the both of you want, not for one or the other.  If you end up having children with this man, make very sure it is something you will enjoy and appreciate for yourself in addition to pleasing him.  Could you imagine having children for him only to have a horrible relationship with him down the road?  What relationship would you and the new children have if they were intended to be a gift to him and not to yourself as well?  By making the decision to do this for yourself, you will be a better mother to your new kids.  If you decide you are finished having children, then he will have to deal with that in his own way.