My husband dosen't work and refuses to get a job.  Lately he has become cranky.  He dosen't know that I've been talking to this other man.  I'm torn as to what to do.
138445
No, don't do it.  If you want to leave your husband, do it with a clear head, not one fogged with lust for someone else.\n\nI'm not going to moralize; I'm just telling you what makes logical sense.  Divorce is rough, and you don't want to make it any more complicated than it can be.\n\nOnce you're out, THEN you bring on the fun!  Or if you stay, maybe you can get things aired out.  But either way, you'll have a clear head and a clear conscience!
426327
It seems that neither of these men are right for you.  Your husband does not appreciate you and the other man is married and very much out of bounds.\n\nIn any other circumstance, I would say leave your husband, but you owe it to your unborn child to give your relationship a go.  Tell the other man that, although you have enjoyed his conversations and company all this time, you feel you have to give your marriage 100% and that you will have to sever all contact with him.  If you have to, get your phone number changed.\n\nThen, sit your husband down and explain to him how you feel.  Tell him that he must consider your feelings.  Lots of men find it difficult to change their ways, but you must try.  Give it a year, then you'll know for sure whether you can stay married.\n\nGood Luck.
530319
Really your not fighting, your probably just bickering. Its like adult going pains especially if you just moved in together. My fiance and I were the same way. I even gave my ring back!!! but we went to a communication specialist (couples therapist) and learned some tricks to communicating. I know its hard and you start thinking that things won't work out, but if you are truly meant to be, you'll be OK.  We had all the same issues you mentioned.Try this, sit and talk it out, if one of you is a blabber use a 5 min timer so you don't get off track of the topic at hand. Don't allow yourselves to deviate off topic nothing gets solved that way. Each of you should list your gripes with each other and go through the list,pick a time where you can really talk( no TV, no phones).  It will take a few tries before you can get through it with out yelling. No name calling and no blameing, start sentences like "going foward  blah blah blah"Cleaning? write up all the chores that need to get done and you together, divvy them up, then once chores are committed to on paper, its a non issue. The hard thing is  understanding that you don't get everything you want anymore it's all about 50/50( which sucks sometimes, but that's life) And there is no shame in meeting with somebody once a week if that's what you guys need, its not easy, it's one of the most stressful times in  your life. In some cases your insurance will cover it under adult therapy or under the the wide range of depression (even though its not,they just bill it that way and its legit because the situation makes you sad and stressed, don't feel labeled as depressed). Best of luck to you both
660142
Right now he is going through a tough time it seems like. Maybe he is just stressed out and need to be alone to think about where is like is right now. Just give him some space, but if that don't work than just move on.
406663
If he didn't leave you a number in which to contact him while away, sounds like he's up to no good....and the people he either works or socializes with have probably been covering him, so I think you will have to wait until he returns ....at which point, I'd set him down for some serious talking...good luck!
595196
It sounds like he has abandoned you.  Confront him on it.  If you can talk to him on the phone about it, that will be better than text messages and e-mails.  If he is not helping you financially, he is not acting like he's married with a child.  You are both supposed to support each other and your child.  Is he keeping all his earnings to himself?  Do you have separate finances?  That's not a marriage.  Talk to him in person or over the phone, not through e-mails and text messages.  Tell him what you suspect.  Stay calm and don't yell.  Listen to what he has to say.  It may turn out that the marriage is over and you need to move on, or it may be that he is clueless and doesn't know there's anything wrong.
314586
You're furious. He's depressed.\n\nFrom what I see here, you are right to be angry. The business you had is crumbling (due to the internet, not due to lack of effort on your parts, it sounds like you've done all you can).\n\nHe is probably feeling quite lost. Fathers see themselves as providers and without being able to cover expenses, they really kinda fall apart. My stepdad was the same way after he was downsized, came down with a serious illness, was bedridden for three years. He recovered when he found something he loved doing.\n\nGet out of the business. Sell it, be done with it and remove this stressor from your lives.\n\nSit down with your husband and your kids (who are old enough to understand that there's somethign wrong, old enough to sense it, and old enough to be worried about you both) and talk through a plan.  There's no shame in leaving the business behind. \n\nLook at your strengths: 17 years of marriage 3 children, a business that was successful for how many years? You've done well. Times have changed, but you two are still capable and wonderful people. \n\nYour husband may not want to be re-educated because\n1) He has low self-esteem and doesn't think he can do that.\n2) He doesn't think the education will help a non-traditional student or that it's too late to start a new career (I'm guessing he's early 40's?)\n3) He's taking time to figure something out and, due to the stress you're both under, is having a hard time communicating it.\n\nGive your husband a chance. Tell him you need him, you need his love, his fathering, his working ability. You need him to help keep your family strong and to get through this storm in your lives.\n\nIs there a "get out" point? Only after you have both talked with a counselor and tried a little more.\n\nPlease give this marriage another try.
68757
First did he say why he was quitting before he had another job? You sure he didn't get fired and he is covering with this story. Calm down a bit I know it is hard to do but take some deep breaths and see what your options are right now. Will he have a easy time finding another or maybe he has one lined up. If not and he has done this many times in the times in the past than you will need to do what is best for you and the baby...K
156841
Try to talk to them and resolve the problem. I don't know what else to tell you. It is a hard situation to be in. Good luck with it all.
423207
OMG!!!  I can't believe that someone else on earth has had to go through this!!  Last year I found out my husband was having an affair for 9 months with a neighbor of ours.  I was friends with this woman before she moved into our neighborhood, so when she moved in, we quickly became best of friends.  I was very angry, I kicked him out and never spoke to her again.  I had to talk to him because when I filed for divorce, he wanted to talk a settlement in custody of our daughter.  I refused.  I told him that as long as he wanted to be with her, then he wasn't taking my child around HER.  After about 3 months of not living with our family, he decided that he didn't want to be single or with HER for that matter.  I made him jump through a million hoops to come back home (such as switching cell numbers with me, getting a better job, going to counseling, going to AA, plus many more).  Also I made it a condition that if I EVER even THINK that he is talking to her again, then it is OVER FOR GOOD.
166883
last year my husband was dignosed with depression (after counless years of suffering from it),so he decided to quit his job to see if it would make him any happier, but in the end being stuck in the house all the time gave him time to dwell on all the negatives which made him worse, and he tried to kill him self twice, but now he is back at work and although he always complains about his job atleast he has something to get up for in the morning, and I think he maybe starting to turn a corner concerning the depressing. Maybe you could try going to college or a new job and working towards the career you've always wanted, but really think hard about giving up work altogether.
325960
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
229165
Well if it was just part one of your question and things were great now and life felt good for you then I would have said let it go...however now that you are seeing him IM somebody and asking her to go to a game,etc and you didn't even know about it nor were you asked? I feel that whatever is going on, within your marriage, isn't heading for anything good. I think there are issues either from the past or in the present that need to be talked about.If you guys can take the time, to talk about them and how it makes you feel, etc, do it NOW! If you can't, and you need an objective third party, go and get counseling and keep working at it. However, do something now before it's too late!!! I will say a prayer for you both!!! Good luck!
250365
I have had to go out of town for a few days leaving the kids with my husband.  He thought he could do it just fine.  When I came home he just hugged me and said "how in the hell do you do it??"  I just laughed at him.  he never took my job for granted again.  Now when he gets home he cooks and lets me sit and relax because he knows I am exhausted.\n\nSo to answer your question, I say go out of town for a few days and see what he says when you get home.  This is something that they cant understand till they are in your shoes.
53877
Will the outcome of this all effect your job? Do you feel in your heart he is innocent? If so then stand by him, if not then gracefully decline to be any part of the situation and yes, find another job.
579908
Good grief what a mess. And what kind of spineless wimp is this guy???  Let him get his head sorted out and not drag you down with him. Leave him alone to do his work and tell him to call you when he's got it together.
49671
i think all you can do is tell him how you feel about it all, explain that "we" need to work on things not just "me" if after explaining,(if he lets you finish explaining), he still seems to putting the blame on you then don't bother trying anymore. life is too short to live with drama that never ends. maybe it will take you leaving for him to change or maybe he won't change at all.