My fiance and I are going to be getting our own apaprtment this week. His mother, who has cancer, and is more stressed out than any woman I have ever seen (daughter with down syndrome, two grand kids to take care of and four teenagers.)has been taking care of my fiance's nephew whose young teenage mother is not stable, possibly abusive and on and off of drugs. He is a rambuncitous four year old. My fiance and I have offered to move his nephew in and take custody. As first time renters is this going to be worth it? or hurt us in the long run?
138584
How could it possibly hurt you unless you let the child destroy the apartment?!  From the sounds of it, you're the best thing that could happen to this little boy!  Helping a child is ALWAYS worth it. Just make sure he is always supervised (especially with crayons, paints, etc.) and he has room (a park/yard) to run off some energy.  That way he's less likely to damage anything!  Also, if he has witnessed any drug use or anything he shouldn't have and acts out, you may want to consult a psychologist that specializes in young children to help him out.  Good luck!
141466
It's up to the Aunt what she wants to do. Child Services can be contacted and the kids could be put into foster homes. Running the risk of all being seperated. But unless she's the appointed caregiver for these kids, she's not obligated to take care of them. It's all a matter of how she feels. If it were one of my sisters, I wouldn't hesitate to help her children. But I also know that she wouldn't expect me to do it.
501723
>>> absolutely ... call CPS ,,, you are a great person for being so concerned about the children!!!! being a ex addict your self you know that the drug is the only thing you care about,,, her children need your help , I can understand how you wouldn't want them in foster care , but how would you feel if something terrible happened and it could have been prevented only if you had called. does she have any family besides her sister that could take the children while their mom gets her self together,, these children are in harms way!! PLEASE call the authority's,, if you don't want to do it email me with all the info and I will do it for you. ..I promise you I will help you with this,,,,,,, my sister is a fantastic foster parent and there are many foster homes out there who will give these children a good home,,,, good luck and like I said email me if you need any assistance
229217
Well I have 4 kids and I'm a single mother. I can not work at the moment because I can not find proper child care for the two children that don't attend school.( I would love to be working) But here is the deal, Me and my kids are living in a small 2br, 1 ba home, you could donate about $2,500.00 to us so that we can pay the down payment on a new and bigger home. Charity I guess you could say, but I would consider it to be a blessing. Ty   latovat@yahoo.com
447337
You are a good son,don't ever think you are a terrible person.I am a disabled mom,my son lives with me and helps me also.Is your mom able to do anything for herself?If so,perhaps you have a senior apartment complex in your area she could go to.Disabled people are also eligible for this even if they aren't yet a senior.They pay 1/3 of their income for rent and utilities,not a bad deal.We have a senior complex in my area of Pa,that is where I will be living once my son wants to move out.You get your own apartment,can have a car,just like living anywhere else.Or,if she needs some help,a assisted care facility might be the answer or even a nursing home if she needs alot of help.Although I'm sure you don't want to think of these options for your mom,you have to think about yourself too.I am still able to get around,and my son helps me a great deal,especially financially.But,as a mother,I would never want to be  burden to him,after all,he does have his own life.I hope your mom isn't making you feel guilty and making you think it is your responsibility,because it really isn't.There are options out there.My best advice would be to talk to the agency in your area that deals with aging.They should be listed in the blue pages or government pages in the phone book.Good luck to you.
588366
The child should go with the parent. The parents took the chance in coming here. The child is welcomed back anytime. \n And you know darn well people are abusing this-its been on the news.\n If I drop a baby at your house do you have to pay for all of us to stay in your house with benefits.\n Lots of kids have stupid parents who do awful things. It is not the kids fault but they do suffer because of their parents decision.\n If they don't want them then put them up for adoption. I will not reward law breakers because they can have children.
295084
If I were renting from a stranger, and they said I could only rent under those conditions as you described, I would walk away from the deal. Here you are family, and aren't even getting as good a treatment as a stranger would. Get out from under their thumb. They want to see the grand kids, then they will have to travel to see them, nothing wrong with that. Find another place for rent, and move there, otherwise you will never grow-up. You won't have the privacy a stranger would get renting. They will have access with a key to waltz in there any time they wish and unannounced. You will constantly have to explain yourself or feel like you do to them all the time because its their place you would be renting. Don't do this! Tell them, thanks for the kind offer (*cough*), but you prefer to find your own place to rent.
540051
Way too long.  Have a talk with your husband.  Set a time limit for this kid to get on his feet or sink on his own.  3-6 months should be sufficient.  The two of you together must approach the son and inform him of your final decision and the time limit.  Whether he's in good shape or bad, everybody's on the same page and knows exactly when the moving out date is.  Why should he be self sufficient and independent when he can leech off the two of you?  Some children are natural manipulaters  and users and lazy.  They just need a giant hard push out into the real world.
553717
I think it depends on many factors.  If she already messed up with your family and you are living under their roof, morally you need to tell her that because of her behavior you don't have the say anymore to let her stay.  On the other hand, what are her reasons for needing to stay a day?  If her reasons are important, like she has no other place to go and is not a chronic wanderer (not really staying anywhere although she has the resources to) then maybe you should have negotiated how to behave while in your home.  The $85.00  should probably not come into play for this favor she is asking of you.  \nI guess it all comes down to how close the two of you are. Also, your age.  Generally speaking, females are more catty between 15-24.  At this age group, there is a constant tug of war with emotions (hormones) and all of them are constant companions when they feel slighted.  Perhaps she feels like you are choosing your family's side over hers and she is jealous.  who knows?\nThis probably does not explain much, but I hope it helped.\nGood Luck.
237277
This is just my opinion but if it was my 16 year daughter I would say no way. And I would say no way if she 26. Though at that age I guess she can make her own decission.\n\nI am sure that there are hostils out there that are safe but I not sure. Check out the area that you are going to and maybe talk with folks that have.\n\nI wish I could say more to you but I really do not know where to turn you.\n\nGood luck to you and have where ever it is your going.
255083
If I were you, I would comply and ask.  Just go over there and visit to start with.  Surely her parents aren't that strict that she can't have "friends" over.  The more they see of you I'm sure the more comfortable they will be.  Also from what you described, she appears to be the oldest.  Most parents are protective of their first born.  They will eventually have to cut the apron strings.  Be brave, if you don't step up and do this, someone else will.
254947
You need to be a big part of your kids lives. Take it from me. I'm only 16, but I think I know what I'm talking about here. My mom was always a HUGE part of my life. Now, I'm a strait A student who's in many extra curricular activities. I've never had a detention in my life, never touched alcohol, nothing like that stuff. I know kids, however, who's parents AREN'T much involved in their kids lives. These children are one locker over from me in school, so I hear them talking. These are the kids that are doing drugs, having sex, flunking, and the kids that are always in trouble. My point is that if you don't stay involved with your kids lives, they could turn out like those kids. If your husband doesn't like it, talk to him. I can't help you there, but in my mind, there is plenty of time to spend with him after the kids move out.
541482
You didn't say how long you have been involved with him. His mom may think you two don't know each other very well, and doesn't want to see either of you get hurt. Be sure you tell mom that you are grateful to her for giving you a place to stay during the rough times, and you feel it is time for you to move out and get your life back on track. Tell her you are sorry that she doesn't agree with you guys moving in together, but that you guys care deeply for one another...maybe she just needs to hear it from you.
2163
This is entirely situational.  Is the environment abusive?  Will she be able to provide for the children?  Will she likely lose custody?  Are her children's well being more important to her than her personal romantic fulfillment?  These and probably a lot of other questions would be important when deciding something like this.
56413
been there, done that.  your asking for a lot of grief.  just the age situation with the children is a burdon, not to mention the difference between your "going to be" and you.  you yourself said your not mature enough to make a decision...let that alone be a guide for you.  first time marrages are tough enough these days, let alone the second time around ones.  i have had experiance with taking on "the others" kids and it is very difficult to relate to them, win them over, have commonalities with them and just simply get close to them.  and if they are close to you in age i'd think there would be little for them to look up to.  kids are hard to win over when your trying to "replace" their mom or pop.  I'd think hard on this one before I jumped into the fire.  good luck.
385748
When I read this for a minute I was trying to think if one of my friends was asking the question. Lol. This is my mom! I have two kids, and she has only watched them a handful of times, and that is when I ask, like I have a doctors appt. ect. This was EXTREMELY hurtful when I had kids, because she too spends more time with her nieces, which are older. Anyway, I finally talked with her about it and she just explained that younger kids aren't her strong point. When they get older they are easier to care for and won't make one so flustered about getting into things. I've just learned to deal with it. I would advise you're friend to talk to her mom about it, I wrote a long three page letter, that wasn't rude, it was humble and got alot of things out in the open, that was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. But in the long run, things have been SO much smoother between us now. And she understands that it would be helpful for me to get out sometimes with my husband. Anyway, hope this helps. Remember she can't be defensive and rude about it, her mom is not obligated to watch them. But I've been there and done that. Good Luck!
576745
You have to keep in mind if their are children involved they will always be the first priority.  You should never expect a parent to choose you over their kids. In-laws I'm a bit shaky on. But you are  not the only person w/this kind of anxiety.