My workplace is full of a lot of incompetence and disorganization. I'm trying to behave properly, not have an attitude, be nice, not badmouth anyone. I can't seem to maintain a decent composure. I cope by staying away from everyone in order not to reveal my true feelings. This is a good strategy for the most part, but when I have to interact with others, at times my negative feelings come out in my facial expression or in some comment I might make. I admire my coworker who can put on a good face while being fed up with everything just like I am. Another way I have of coping: I come in late, leave on time--this is not proper, I know--and I always get away for lunch. I'm looking for a new job, but it takes time. Do you have any tips on how I can better handle my behavior? More importantly, how do you keep your composure and indeed your integrity no matter what kind of office situation you find yourself in. I need tips. Please help. Thanks.
131317
(1) Find at least one positive thing in each of the people that work with. And concentrate on that one thing to exclude the 99 other things that they do that activate your negative feelings. The 'one thing' could be as trivial as the pleasing colour of their shoes. (2) Choose to work well with a colleague who is the least incompetent/disorganised of the group you work with; as you build trust and success with this colleague, word might spread and your colleagues may learn that they have to adapt their behaviour in order to obtain your (valued) assistance. (3) Create an anchor to obtain a state of calmness to maintain your composure when the office situation deteriorates - see the link below
275413
well, just start right now by taking a few deep breaths.   Your brain tells your body how to feel.  Your brain is comprised of thoughts.  The thoughts that we have towards everything determines how the body should react.  If you're always in a state of anxiety, your body is constantly going to be in a contracted state and an uptight state hence the tightness.  That's your body getting into defense mode.  Change your thinking by saying to yourself "I can handle what life brings me, I'm going to be just fine.  I am smart, wise and resilient and I can change my thinking into a more proactive state rather than a negative, reactive state."   What is the source of your stress?  You seem young so it may just be loneliness.  Loneliness should not create stress.  It's not as difficult to overcome as you think it is.  Change your thoughts about that.  Know that people are ALOT more willing to accept you just as you are despite the fact that you think they're not.  They are.  All people from all walks of life deal with dissapointments, trials and tribulations.  A lot of people feel lonely, you'd be amazed at how many.  Everybody feels lonely at different times.  They may feel isolated at work, at home, in their relationships, with their children, their parents, etc..   You have to know and believe that loneliness is merely a state of mind, not an actuality.  So you are not unwanted, you have no proof of that, it's your state of mind and your thinking.  You can't concentrate because you're consumed with these thoughts that are unrealistic and irrational.  You may have felt that way as a child because your parents didn't realize what you needed as a child and since we can't speak for ourselves as children, we grow up with those same irrational thoughts.  You have to mature your thinking.  Do it every day, several times a day by talking to yourself and saying that this state of mind is not a fact or an actuality, it is simply your fears that you CAN overcome.  It takes work so work hard!! :)
150197
I think this situation would be difficult for most everybody.  You're probably right about resigning quickly.  You might just end up with another bad job out of desperation.  \n\nYour boss screams and shouts because deep down he (I'll assume it's a he) feels powerless and needs to be aggressive to get his way.  Try to remember that he does this out of weakness and not strength.  Genuinely strong people don't need to act this way.  If you can view it as his problem then you won't take it as personally.\n\nTry to document all that happens that is inappropriate: words said, body posture, tone of voice, etc.  Keep dates, times, locations, etc.  In case things go badly you can have this documentation to back you up.  Your boss probably isn't doing this so your case would be stronger.\n\nAcknowledge what your boss says but ask that he say it in a more polite manner.  You may have to keep reminding him of this one :)  If you're able to stand up to him in a firm, yet nonconfrontational way my guess is he would change.  Bullies respect strength.\n\nIf nothing changes, count it as a character building experience and move on!  Hope that helps.
484132
Well you will always remain in the situation you are in.....struggling to get by....you know why?  Because you spend way too much energy on conjuring up a lie rather than focusing on the truth.  His boss probably isn't a jerk.  People have businesses to run....they need dependable people....not liars!  Grow up, accept responsibility for your irrisponsible behavior.....People do on occassion oversleep....Bosses understand and accept this from honest, loyal and hard workers.  I'm a boss, and have  had some real great workers share this with me and guess what?  I have much more respect for them because they were HONEST with me.  This way, I know they have integrity!
75244
Topic A:\nGetting along with other people at work is important because your personality, social skills and edict is returned to you by human nature.  Your non-verbal communication can show others, without talking, how intersted you are in a conversation with them or the subject that is brought about.  Active listening and observation can help you learn about others in your environment, it will help reflect your communication during conversation with some people who may take things differently. Have self-cofidence in the way you carry yourself, it can reflect how other people may treat you.  Speak with proper speaking and/or phone edict; others will understand you better and it shows how educated you are.  The best way to keep your co-workers friendly is to keep all gossip to yourself and use it for your own discretion.  Keep all relationships on a professional level.  Feelings or paticular actions towards certain indiviuals can get others suspicious of harrassment and/or start rumors that you may regret later.  Remember, this is where one may spend about 8 hours per day for 5 days a week; keep a friendly, balanced work environment and you will enjoy going to work a whole lot more than if there was hostility.
123415
Well this is totally different than what we discussed a few days ago......lol  The "Carry off" portion changes the whole perspective. When you say it this way....I realize you are talking about "masking" feelings with happiness......or promoting the feeling of unhappiness for the sake of your audience. \n\nYes, I'm a master at smiling and making the world think I'm happy. (even when things are crumbling around me) Rarely do people know the blows that life lands on me because I won't allow the efffects to show in my demeanor. It's not that it is work.....it's not that it is hard to do.....it's just how it is. I never want people to feel sorry for me or to feel that they must take on my burdens, so I tackle things on my own in my own time and don't show the negative side. \n\nThus why I said earlier that maintaining a "negative" disposition would be harder work for me. It would mean that I would actually have to bring my issue to the forefront of my mind and think about it. It's such a natural response for me to just "table" it until I'm alone. When someone that knows me well sits me down and says, "Ok, spill it....something is eating at you." Well it takes all the strength and effort in the world to make myself actually "unload." I seriously just have a very very hard time burdening anyone else with the things floating around in my head. So hands down.............it's easier to maintain a positive disposition than a negative one. \n\n*now all of you think I need therapy right? lol....you just might be right!! lol*
157205
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I live with the same type of thing every day, unfortunately the person in question is my boss. Sometimes I think if I let loose one day the consequenses might just be worth it. Horrible, I know, but this kind of person can cause the most severe and aggressive frustration! My advice is to avoid him as much as possible, which is what I do with her, but should you happen to proceed with a physical confrontation I admit I would find it comforting to know that at least someone had some consequence for their constant crap behavior and maybe will think twice about it in the future.
294953
Doesn't sound like a good plan to me. I like my thoughts to stay to myself. I often think to myself (especially around my boss) I would really like to tell you off or something in that sense. But I pretend to be a good girl and don't say anything to offend others.
465400
Amen Sista...\n\nI have left more jobs in the past rather than come across as "Bitchy" for all of the above reasons... until I realized...  People generally know "what" they do when they do it to you,  and there is usually a "why" not too far off behind it.  You sound like I used to be and certain kinds of people like to feed and feast off that kind of energy, taking you from a strong, secure intelligent women, reduced in one failed swoop to being the office bit*ch...\n\nThat is not fair, but the way to counter it, is to always know a thing when you see it.  If someone is trying to goad out your worst character traits... it's them being smart by being stupid.  Try being smarter by seeing it and countering it by giving them no response what so ever.  \n\nThe workplace is basically a well organized kindergarten class...\n\nWatch and observe children and you'll see things from a more innocent and obvious frame of reference.  It is essentially the same thing.  People are turds!  That's why I don't work... It gets the best of all of us eventually.  \n\nThe only solution... is to yank out your own buttons, giving them nothing what so ever to push!  \n\nGood luck sweetie!  I feel for you and relate completely!\n\nI have a little pokket type book for you to run out and buy that will help you immensly!  \n\nIt is called "The Art of Worldly Wisdom."  It is by a Gregorian Monk by the name of Balthsar Gracian.  You can get it at Borders...  Read it,  and in it's pages learn the how's and the why's and maybe even learn a thing or two about yourself and your own condition in the process...  It is the best gift you will ever buy yourself!  and will function as a distraction away from the idiots!  \n\nHappy Holidays!
404692
When dealing with an envious co-worker, I kill them with kindness, and I'm not talking about lip service. You must be genuine when doing this for it to work. Obviously they have massive insecurities, and perceive you as some kind of threat. I would also suggest keeping ones personal, and professional life mum. In essence, do not give anyone a reason to hold you in contempt. The old saying is true, "keep your friends close, your enemies closer".
552490
Hon, as a long time girl of being embarassed and angry for many of the "same reasons", let me tell you how to handle this and a few words of insight on people.\n\nFirst, you cannot "demand" anything but the bills you need to pay at your office.  \n\nThe only thing you are in control of is your reaction to this jerk ball.  He may have an opinion about you and your job, but that's his opinion and only that.  What you needed to do is just look him in the eye smile as if he's complimented you.  Yes, if he was your boss, this might be a bigger issue.  The thing I've learned about myself and you can learn as well is that no one "makes you cry" You are the only person in charge of when the tears come on.  Yes, outside events can trigger an emotional response, but you are ultimately the only one who allows the emotion to errupt.  Either way, it does not make it easy to deal with sometimes.  If you are totally confident in your ability on the job, then let him say and think what he wants.  You know the facts, and remember them no matter what your co-worker says.  You are good at your job and you are there for the reason that many people do not have the orginazatoinal skills that it takes to do your job.  Maybe you have some underlying feelings that you really are only a pretty face with no skills?  At any rate, look into yourself to realize what exactly got your nerves on edge that day.    It is something deep inside of you that wells up and then you choose this jerk to "lose it" on. (maybe?)  Remember the facts and keep your chin up,  he's probably just got some unresolved issues as well.  What I might do, is jot down the date and what he said that offended you.  Keep a running tab of derogatory and positive both.  If you have to set it up like a spreadsheet, do so.  If you get a large amount of statements that are negative, then you have a log of it and you've recorded while it's fresh in your mind.  IF you end up with a large sheet with dates and statements, then you can start your demands.  This is a math problem, like everything in life.  Aren't you glad you know math so well.  Good Luck.
171499
Better to sleep your way to the top than to the middle, right? But seriously, I had the same done to me. It's at times like those that you realize (or ought to) who your friends are. But my personal opinion is to have no friends at work. If you become mad at your friend, how will you be able to work with her when you are supposed to be colleagues at work? It's tough, but hey, at least you know her true colors now, right?
229388
Oh man....hard question. There are many layers. Uhm....I guess I'm like an onion. Uhm...no! I won't make you cry!! I just mean there is a lot to peel away. At work I'm so focused and driven. I'm responsible and organized and efficient. But walking down the hall with the kids, I'm crazy and silly and joke all the way. I pull practical jokes on my co-workers and they have so learned to just endure my puns (God bless them!!). As a mom I'm consistent and open, but firm and clear. I can't imagine loving anything as much as those amazing girls so I know my heart just melts into puddles at times around them. With friends I get over-analytical. As I've been told, I'm the "den mother" that has to keep everyone in line. Has this been done? Are you ok? Did you take your medicine? Are you sad? Do we need to talk??  So what is missing? Well the part that is behind closed doors? That is the layer that is the hardest to get to. But people are always surprised once they do. I suppose it just shows how we all have so many aspects of ourselves that only those willing to peel away will ever find. Anyone up for an onion??
310044
Don't worry, people have hissy fits all the time. Tell your boss you'll stay but you really didn't appreciate getting chewed out for something out of your control. Be civil and dignified and maintain your bosses dignity too when you say it.
668107
Don't carry yourself like a "young pretty girl" be a young pretty self confident woman, if someone makes an inappropriate comment in front of everyone I would give him a look that would send daggers through his heart to let him know I'm not playing games with him and if he gets you alone and make a comment I would tell him I don't appreciate him treating me like anything other than a fellow employee. do your job and do it well and they cannot fire you because you don't smile and act like a hoochie.but always remember there's no amount of money to buy your dignity. tell your boss in a respectable manner that you like your job and you want to learn and grow and work for him but if he and the other men there are making you feel uncomfortable with the comments. you have to decide if you are going to ignore the comments or deal with them. i work in a hospital as a LPN and  a male RN talked down to me because he felt I was beneath him so I invited my husband who is 6 feet tall 240 pounds of muscle to have lunch with me and i never had any more trouble
287133
It is best to leave family and personal stuff out of the work environment. People at work will use that against you when you least expect it and they will use it when you are least expecting them to.\n\nWomen tend to go through up's and down every month. Give them space, it is natural. Be respectful and kind and let them know that no matter what, your here for them. \n\nWhatever they are going through will soon end and then they will think about you and what you said, and respond. Then you can open up and ask what was wrong. They will usually explain or tell all then.
370782
First of all, I appreciate you to think about this and ask a question openly here. That shows you have recognized a problem and willing to do something about it. That is a big step. This is a tough question and I will do my best to answer briefly.\n\nYou are going to do few things to understand yourself. Here are my suggestions. 1) Think calmly and deeply (while driving, while taking a bath or whatever brings you that concentration) on what where the times you were happy doing your job. You have to go back in time in your current job, in your previous jobs, and even in other activities that you may be involved in. Start jotting down notes. 2) Start analyzing those events and you will find a common pattern such as "I am very happy when I interact with customers a lot at work" or "I am very happy researching and analyzing a problem all by myself and coming up with ideas". 3)Think about what makes you upset or bored in your current situation - Is it because your boss does not respect your inputs? Too much office politics? Personal problems? 4) You just do not like your job -- may be your job demands a lot of interaction with customers but you do not enjoy that. 5) You think you are not compensated well? - may be a lost promotion or you feel that your friends who do similar work get paid much more? It could be even as simple as you do not enjoy flexibility in office timings whereas your personal demands need it. \n\nOnce you have given thought to these things, you will feel confident. Ask your boss for some time to talk in depth. Prepare yourself well for the meeting so that you are to the point and explain what gets you excited and what keeps you motivated. Good luck.