My 16 year old lives with he mother and her mother's live in boy-friend. They have started permitting the girl to go over to the girl's boyfriend's house on the week-end and she spends the night with him and they DO sleep in the same bed. The boy-friend, whom I have never met, is 19 years of age and in the Army and he comes home on the week-end. I am suppose to have visitation with her on the week-end but she hasn't been over here in a long time. Do you think this is right? I do pay child support and I am not the kind of dad who doesn't care!!
122509
this sound similar to what I went through. THe only difference is that my dad didn't step in. I pretty much grew up making mistates and learning from them on my own. I don,t recommend this at all. Get involved with her. Don't punish cause at this age they think that parents don't know any thing. Try to spend quality time with her and gradually talk about whats going on in her life. Remind her that you love her and want the best for her. Let her know that for any reason, you are there for her. Somewhere in your conversations ask her about her boyfriend. Even if you have to pretend, make her think that you see where she is coming from. 16 year olds need to know that their dad will be there for all of their life, even the mistakes. My dad just pretty much let me live and learn. I think I turned out o.k. but I still wish I would of had the guidance from my dad. My mom died when I was 10 and it was really hard for him, but he did not seek help. I really hope that things get worked out. Don't give up and try your best to be involved with your CHILD. She is still your child. The mom needs a good talking to. She is alot of the reason that your daughter is doing what she is doing. Explain your concerns and she is you can meet in the middle some where or at least come to some understanding on why this is not appropriate. She has alot of influence on her. Good luck.  Contact me and let me know how it goes.
145493
PLEASE READ THIS MESSAGE:\nMiss.T,I dont think its such a great idea 2 be friends with your daughter because after awhile,they will look at you only as their friend and not as their parent.Im 18 years old & I thank my mother every chance I get because I graduated from high school when I was 16 without her trying to be my friend,although she most definently is'nt my enemy.Yeah my mother was a good friend of mine,but she knew when and where the limits were...she knew she had 2 be a mother 85% of the time with me;and a friend 15% of the time.Put it this way...if you need your bills to be paid and you cant call on your friend(your daughter),then you shouldnt try 2 hard to please her as a friend as much as a mother.If your daughter has a good head on her shoulder,then she will appreciate how good you are trying to be with her;whether you want to be her friend or not.She will thank u in the future if you be more of a mother to her than a friend;because trust me...Im sure she has enough people trying to be her friend....Love Always;misslady2205
627554
your friend need a good solicitor...and someone to take his son for a long drive-away from his father-because if one of my kids ever put me thru this crap i would beat him...then it would be worth getting arrested for it!\nWhat is the so called mother playing at? Suddenly wanting the kids after not bothering for 6 years? Sounds like if your friend cant beat the lad, that maybe his ex wife should be in line!#\nI dont agree with hitting women or kids...but there a line that needs to be drawn and not to be crossed by the people that should show you some respect. good luck to him.
156876
He is still their father.  Payment of child support is not a condition of visitation.  The odds are good that he won't do anything, but he could drag your g/f into family cort and ahve her compelled to bring them over.  If she refuses she could be held in contempt until complies.  She is looking at fines and possible jail time.  Rather than just stopping she should speak to him and ask if he has any objections.
149867
I know it is common for 15 and 16 year olds are sexually active, but I still think it is too young.  How is his mom restricting his phone calls.  I have four teenage boys and can not watch them 24 hours a day to make sure they don't use the phone.  That doesn't work.  Seems to me like you should just move on and find someone else.  I feel for you, you are so young and there will be more.
665028
I've been there and done that. Except he was 7 years older. I'm guessing you are more mature than your age group. And seeing as how I have been in this situation I am in no position to judge you. It is hard. My mother did not agree with it. But she also knew that if she wouldn't allow me to see him in front of her, and at least give her peace of mind knowing that we were watching a movie in the living room, that I would somehow get to see him one way or the other. And she gritted her teeth and let us hang out at the house together for several years. Until I was about 16 or 17. Then I decided that it wasn't worth ruining my relationship with my mom, family, or friends for. It really is a personnel decision to make. I knew the relationship wasn't right, but I did it anyway. Talk with your bf. If he goes to college, what about you? You still have 4 years left of school. If he cares he will put you and your education as a priority. I am now happy with someone that is closer to my age and better for me and we have a beautiful daughter together. If your bf isn't the one, there is someone out there for you. Good luck honey!\nO! sit down with her, explain to her that you want to discuss something very important with her. Tell her not to get angry or start yelling if she does get up and walk off. If she doesn't get angry, continue to tell her what;s going on in your life, and your side of things. If she seems interested, later in the conversation she will ask questions, more than likely his name. if you don't feel she is comfortable with this don't tell his name. He is over 18 and can be charged with staturatory rape if you and him have had sex, even if it was mutual, because you are under 18. Really good luck
617297
Please do not allow a child to cost you the love of your life.  I know this is difficult...children go thru their growing pains, and this one sounds so confused right now.  With the background of her mother, this child needs stability and sanity in her life, and to feel safe.  She may fight her father on this, but it would not be in her best interest to live with her mother, it's an unhealthy environment for her and like you said, she will end up becoming her mother.  If her father has legal custody, fight for her!  Keep her in your home, no matter how bratty she gets, it is in her best interest.  Please, all of you go to family counselling...and help give this child a future that does not involve drug abuse.  Even with her rebellion and rudeness, you know that for her to leave your home is not the best thing for her.  She's a child, she cannot make her own decision in this matter.  Once she's 18, then she can decide.
648852
From my experience, coming home late or breaking curfew was a major way of testing my parents trust. Considering your ages, I am surpised that your parents are so restrictive. Ask yourself, what is this 'bad' that they think you're doing? Did your parents come from deeply religious families? Were your parents also restricted by their parents? What about her parents? It may not be fair, or make a whole lot of sense these days, but that could explain some of their methods. Do you or your girlfriend have troubled pasts, maybe trouble with the law? Did you ever have a truancy problem with school? Don't think that I am blaming their behavior on you, I just want you to think of all  possibile reasons. It almost sounds like you two live a bit far away from eachother, and that might explain why you're only allowed to see eachother twice a week, and talk on the phone for only half an hour a day. Have I nailed it yet? No? Okay, parents may not seem to make any sense some of the time, but they are your parents. Like it or not they have say into your relationships. The more you show respect for them and their wishes, usually the more trust they'll have for you. So if you're considering sneaking around after dark or anything like that, don't try it. Chances are you'll get caught, and just imagine how often you'd get to see her then? Probably not at all. I know this is a hard time for you both, you're almost legal adults, but until you turn the magic age of 18, you just have to bite down and endure this. You will get through this, just be patient with her and your parents. I am going to assume that talking with your parents wont make much of a difference, but there is nothing wrong with trying. Ask them what it is that they fear so much, and do your best to put that fear to rest. Assure them that you intend to follow their wishes, and do so when you're out with her. If they see that you're true to your word, the less likely they are to shorten the leash. I get the feeling that their fear is your sexual activity. It is my personal opinion that you two are at the ages when your sexuality is your business, however a parent will feel like your business is always their business. You can be 50 years old, and they'll still consider you their baby. Being that your sexuality is your business, I hope you wont mind if I give you a piece of advice: protect you and your girlfriend and use a condom every time. Anyway, you will get through this, I promise. Good luck.
613670
Yeah, I can tell you why: it's her house, it's her rules. He's old enough to move out--and he should, before the two of you even think about living together. Maybe it's his mum's subtle way of cutitng the apron stings--figuring that if she sets these stringent rules, he'll get fed up and move out and start acting like the grownup that he should be. Does he pay her rent? Does he contribute to the bills? Does he help around the house? There's gotta be a really good reason why she treats him in this manner.
631764
What? You don't really go for this do you? \nFirst of all you are there to see your boyfriend..not the r.m.\nsecond..you are all three grown people...this is not college.\nand third what the hell does ur man say about this?? \nOk, I say you need to talk to your boyfriend and see how he feels about it. He pays his share of the bills whether you are there or not so if you are buying what you eat his roommate needs to shut up. I don't think you should be told you are responsible for meals and chores if you are a guest. And thats what you are. You are the guest of your boyfriend so as far as I'm concerned the R.M. can go straight to hell. If you want to buy dinner thats your choice so don't let him tell u what u should do. He should be a grown a** man who cooks and cleans his own sh**! You didn't get a boyfriend to become a step parent to a grown man!!
607022
Girl let it go, that is your decision and your house with your boyfriend. If you did not want to see extra company you have every right to express it and make her pick the children back up. \n\nMy suggestion: Make it a house rule that if the children want spend the night guest over on the weekend they can spend that weekend with there mother. Why because your request is not outrageous, this will keep sh*t down in the future. You may have to revise stuff and add more rules but hey that is your dwelling.
142404
Depends on your state...Here in Nebraska Legal Majority age is 19. Most states it is 18, but there are special circumstances in most custody agreements that support is necessary through high school. Sounds to me like your daughter needs a swift kick in the pants! It is a very difficult thing to deal with...watching your daughter self-destruct but it sounds like you have no choice. IF she was still living with her father you should be giving him money towards her support...if she is "on her own" in her own apartment, you have no obligation to pay an 18yr olds rent. \n  I would tell her she is on her own...IF she wants to come home and finish High School she can...but if she wants to be a Junkie...she is on her own. She can move into the Dope mans house, get a job, or join the army. All you can do is keep a light on and pray...but you dont have to pay...
603300
He is expected to be close to you.  Tho it shouldnt be a contest.\nShe is his mother and should respect you for his wife.  But apparantly, she's not interested in her husbands concern, but rather her own selfishness.  Does she not have a husband?  Is he her only child/son?  \nAt any rate, I'd stay clear of her at all costs.  He's welcome to visit her.  But I dont see any reason for you to visit her.......OR she to visit your home.  I would discuss this with your mate, and than make it perfectly clear to her....UNLESS she is able to treat you with respect, she's no longer welcome in your home, and you have no desire whatsoever to go to her home....End of discussion.  Might as well resolve it now. It will only get worse once you begin to have children.....
372195
Well, if that woman is a part of his new family you have to deal with the fact that she will be there around your daughter. You don't have to let her stay over there for someone else to watch her. What is the point? She only needs to go over there when he is off. How can he spend time with her when he's working? It doesn't make sense.
587438
This is not about you or your boyfriend's son.  This is about your boyfriend.  I can pretty much guarantee you that he has made it clear that he is going to be with you and she is PISSED OFF!!! It has a little to do with what you do for the son, but it has more to do with what you are getting and have.  You have to remember that you have the life she would of had if she wasn't such a b*****.  There is no way that anyone can talk to her about this because she is too angry and irrational right now.  Basically, you cannot reason with crazy people.  However, your boyfriend does have some rights if he is paying child support.  She CANNOT keep him from seeing his son if he is paying child support.  If he has to take her to court to get visitation, then go to court.  If he isn't paying child support, then he's got a problem.  Of course you do not want to put the child through custody battle, but it might come down to that if he's not paying.  Most importantly, do not give up fighting to see him.  Bring in a mediator, go see a priest, hire a witch doctor, whatever, but do not give up on this child.  Even if his mother does not see it, I am sure that this little boy felt safe in your home with his two brothers, his father and you.  And no matter how this turns out remember that if she continues to do this, that little boy is going to resent and hate her.  Every kid needs to know their parents and when he gets a little older and understands what she's done, I pretty sure that he is going to go running to his father and she might be left with nothing.  So keep the door unlocked for him.
508076
first of all you might be too young to realize that if his dad passed away his mom is all he has. He might not like to leave her because he is scared of loosing her too.  She probably raised him and  i can aonly assume tha they are very close. I get that you think it is unattractive, but that is because at 15 you are too young to understand that this is much deeper than being just a mamas boy.
352319
It does sound strange when a man of your age says I live at home with my mom and dad. \nIf I were single and ran into a man who said this to me I would think Oh great another mucher.....If I new you were in school and bettering yourself this does mean something, however I would feel you do not have time for a realationship....\nSince you are gay (or you are in the gay forum) why does it matter what women think?