We're not that close. He was absentee most of my childhood. I certainly don't feel like I owe him, but he is my father. Despite the past, I do love him.
137332
No, what you do is get the help he needs to stop getting into financial trouble in the first place. When you bail him out over and over, he thinks you will continue. Do what's best for him, and stop.
320420
I lived a very sad life as a child.  I seen when my father hit my mom for no reasons, never took us out anywhere, and never showed me and my brothers any kind of love. I am not going to go into details because it would not fit.   I guess you can say I am a traumatized person from events that happened to me.  I grew up being scared and unsecured about myself.  I hated myself.  When I was eleven, my uncle who married my mom's sister, tried to rape me, but thanks to god I got away on time.  School helped to distract me from my problems at home until I got to high school,  in highschool I had really serious depression.  I did not want to go out with my friends.  I did not care what I wore to school.  I did not care what people thought about me.  I tried to kill myself about five times, but somebody always stopped me.  Thanks to god I found the love of my life who cares about me and makes me happy.  He knows about my childhood and does the possible things to help me forget my past.  Ever since I married him I have lived so happy,  he is very inspirational, he makes me feel like I am someone.  I feel so grateful to have him.  At this moment I regret all the things I tried to do to take my life and I realize that their is somebody outthere that can actually change your life into good.  If you really want specific details e-mail me.
70978
If he looks sincere, why don't you give him a chance.  He is still your father.
517545
It is NOT your fault.  Your dad made the decision to do this on his own.  You had nothing to do with it.  You are a great person.  Find an adult you can trust and talk to them about it.  They can help you deal with your feelings.  \nYou did nothing wrong.  You are a great person who loved your dad very much and did the best you could to help him feel better.
140900
You are absolutely right in wanting to take care of your aging parents. I tried my best to care for my parents during the last years of their lives.It takes a toll on you physically and emotionally to see them slipping away before your eyes. If I had to do it over again I would NOT HESITATE a second to do it again.If your spouse has any objection, it is indeed VERY SELFISH of him/her. What if the shoe were on the other foot, how would he/she feel if you gave him/her the same answer which you have been given?If it were me, and this is only me speaking, I would question myself on how little I know about my spouse, and if I can love him/her again in the same manner as I once did.
173225
u could do both things.  if you move on with your life, it doesnt mean that u lost hope 4 ur father's return. i understand what u are feeling ryt now. but 4 me it hurts more because my father left and he mean it. but i'm still puzzled to what ahd happened to your dad.,, there are many possible reasons, the best way is to seek for it. don't jump into conclusions.
102351
My dad died 2 years ago and I did not cry out loud.On the inside i was in hysterics,on the outside calm.I am still that way.Perhaps that is why I ache inside> I still think of him many times a day. So I can not give you advice on how to deal ; only tell you that you are not alone.
48224
My father died when I was 23 years old.  I had not seen him since I was 7 years old, when he was being hauled off to jail.  He then was in prison until I was 20 years old.  At 20, I then contacted him and wanted to get to know him.  I left the ball in his court, and that is where it stayed.  When I found out that my dad died, I laughed and thought no big deal, I hadn't seen the man in 16 years.  I chose to go to the funeral and see if he ever talked about me or if anyone knew about me, (I have 7 siblings).  Sure enough everyone at the funeral knew of my 7 siblings and the other one but no one could remember my name.  Ironically, I have the same name as my dad.  I blew it off as if it was no big deal.  Two days after the funeral, it hit me.  I cried and was very depressed.  I later found out the reason that my father didn't want anything to do with me because I was close to my mother (I am the youngest daughter).  I also found out that my mother was the reason that my father and I did not keep contact.  \nSo back to the question.  I think my father's death has made me grow up.  I have come to the realization that my mother is not an angel.  I can not fathom why a mother would try to keep a child's father from her children.  My daughter's father and I do not get along at all.  But nothing in the world would make me keep him from seeing out daughter.  The rejection that I felt, the anger that I felt, and the loniness that I felt taught me that parents (no matter how bad) need to be involved with their children's life.
372651
sorry to hear about your loss.  his spirit could be lingering...unresolved issues with family members who are still grieving, maybe.  it's hard to say.
580552
My dad is a stranger to me now, also. The only difference is that I grew up with him around. He forgot to pick me up when he was supposed to, missed my recitals and concerts, treated my mom very badly, etc. He finally divorced my mom 5 years ago and it was a relief. He wasn't always bad, but he thought that providing money for the family was showing love to them. He still sends me money occasionally. I'm not really sure if it is out of guilt or if he just still thinks he is showing me he cares. He has a new family now and gives them most of his money, but still none of his time or attention. What I'm trying to say is that just because he was there, it doesn't mean it was better, and not all dads know how to be good dads. \n\nI have learned that I am much more peaceful just not having any expectations. I rely on my family that has been there for me always and I do everything I can for myself. You can't be disappointed if you don't have expectations.\n\nI'm assuming that you come from a different culture than mine because you say that you have a right to demand things because you are the eldest. He may not even really consider you his family because he only just met you. Let go of your expectations and hope for his sake that he will some day realize what he missed out on and seek you out.\n\nBest wishes.
56867
I learned when I was 3.  I lost my father to a drunk driving accident, he was the drunk driver.  It was something that I really never recovered from, my mother did the best she could to raise me and my sister, but I still never had a father figure.  It has also made it difficult on me now as a father myself.
365532
How could you feel this way about your father? He loves you and you don't feel anything for him. He has feelings you know. And chances are if you think he is a geek then you are as well. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You should be ashamed of yourself. This is your father. If it wasn't for him you would not be here. You really need some help I think. What if your kids treat you this way? How would you feel? The notes mean that you need to start showing your father that you love him and care about him. You should never wish your father dead. You are a horrible person. I hope that you feel terrible about what you are doing to him. I hope that it drives you crazy and stays with you forever.
434367
I would give him something priceless, my time, just to chat, go to lunch, a walk. Just good quality time.You could make him a coupon book with all those things in it, so he could turn them in at will. Think of at least 12 things. There is nothing like time with your Dad, I would give anything to hug mine just one more time.
330531
i would go and visit him because he was my dad, not to just get something from him. if you sincerely want to meet him, then do so. after that, things will probably work out for the good of both of you.
656993
You know you and I are in the boat, but it's my mother who's in my way. I wish she could feel more secure, so I could have more freedom; especially the chance to go abroad. I think your father is the one who feels insecure, so he wants to be in your way. Maybe you can try to take him out with you when you're not going on a date. Hope my suggestion helps. Good luck and best wishes.
386645
Be honest with you dad, set down and have a father to son talk. remember there are only a few moments we can treasure maybe you can make this the best trip he ever had with you and the family it may be his last of yours. It's your dad you owe it to go. at least you will have done something with him he likes to do and tell him he has to enjoy a trip the you would like to go on.
444897
Well I don't blame you for the way you feel. Let me tell you something, my parents are separated, they have been some time now. So I am living with my mom and only my mom, things have changed with my family, I have grown up more and have more responsibility and what I think of my mom has changed.\n\nI didn't like my father either, so i decided to live with my mom, and now my life is OK...