I am debating on moving to another state it get away from a bad relationship, I have a son and his father lives here.(Not the guy I am moving away from).  My sons father sees him every other weekend and holidays.  It would only be about a 4.5hr drive what do you think?
133151
At the end of the day are you thinking about yourself or your kid?  If you are truely thinking about what it best for your son then you will stay in the state.  If you add the long distance for your son to see his father, you will only be causing him more problems.  Plus, moving a state will give you a new start but your problems will still be there.
113692
Wow, that is a big decision.  Colorado for the most part is a wonderful place but I think it is important to do what is best for you regardless of the location.  My biggest concern about this boy is that here he is asking you to come and be with him but he isn't even willing to go back to your state to see you.  To me that is selfish and shows that he really isn't in love with you.  My biggest fear is that you would get out to Colorado and then he would dump you and you would be stuck out there away from family and friends on your own.  Even if things worked out between the two of you, wouldn't you want to go home sometimes and visit family and friends?  Would he be willing to go with you like a real boyfriend or would you be stuck doing that on your own with him complaining about your going?  It just doesn't seem like a very good choice.  If you decide to move to Colorado, do it for you and not for him.
49082
i would be willing to move to a distant country for someone that i was IN LOVE WITH; not just someone i loved. also, i have been to asia and europe and realize that the world isn't as big as i thought it was. i don't think that moving to a foreign country would necessarily mean that you wouldn't be able to see your friends and family again. you just may not be able to see them as frequently.
412934
I am kinda in the same situation.  I am from Michigan and we are in California right now.  I am not happy here and I miss my family.  Our kids are here with us but I think it is going to come down to me leaving him.  I just want to do whats best for our children. They don't like it here either. I don't think he will ever go back there. I am just praying about it so maybe you should do the same.
497476
No.  Just explain the situation to him in a similar manner as you have done here and he should be understanding.  My family lives out of town also, but when they come, we always spend more time with them because we only see them once a year.  If the roles were reversed, I'm sure he would expect the same from you.  \n\nTell his family that you will have them over for dinner at your place either before or after they go to the cabin, so it doesn't seem that you don't want to spend the holidays with them either.
542922
No, you're not living in dreamland. Things such as this happens in real life and can indeed work itself out. The main thing though, for the both of you is to be more patient. Allow time for things to work themselves out. I was in a similar situaition where I had meet a friend over the net and things turned out good in the beginning. She also lived miles and miles away from me, 13 hours to be exact. And I too, went to visit her and everything, made plans to move to where she lives but she got a little impatient about the entire process and called it quits because in her words, she wanted someone there to hold hands with and to be with whenever she felt the need, she didnt want to wait on it...\n\nI will say this though, since he's over 30, still living with parents, etc....Then you may want to think about stability, does he have it? IIs stability something that you want, etc??? Does he have any real obtainable goals, etc......You should consider all of those things
50827
You can't go, he can't stay. Right? The best you can do is keep in touch & maybe try the long distance thing. If that works out- hey, it's possible- then maybe one of you can move closer to the other or something. However, if it doesn't work out that way then it's most definitely time to move on. Even if you don't wind up being the mother of his children (which could turn out to be a good thing, ya never know) then at least you'll know you tried & will likely have a close friend for life.
290639
i don't think you are being a jerk. it sounds like you need to "ease in" with the dad thing, starting with dinners and whatnot. a weekend would not be a good idea. you don't have to tell your boyfriend this, just say you can't make it this time but make plans for the next time you can see eachother.
248905
It depends a lot on the people.  I have 2 friends who live very far away.  The first got married, had a kid, & has changed a lot since moving.  So, naturally, our friendship has changed & we aren't as close, even though we have nothing against each other & would still be there for each other in a crunch.\nAs for the other one, he & I are actually closer since he moved away.  We stay in touch, talking at least once a week, & plan to take a cross country road trip next year.  He & I are both unmarried, have no kids, & are career-oriented, so our continued similarities probably help maintain our friendship.\nHe has noticed this as well, because he isn't as close to some people he used to be really close to in the past.  As some of his friends have gotten married & had kids, they don't seem to have time for him anymore, & have less in common.  With their focus on their families, they have less to talk about with guys who are still hanging out & chasing girls on the weekends.
650680
If you are finding it difficult to move on , it might be a good thing that she moves away ! The less you have to see her , the better off you will be ! I went through the same thing about a year ago , with the father of my children. \n    Luckily 4 me , i guess--> it made me see him in a whole nother light . I started to see him 4 the scum that he is , 4 the first time fully in our 8 1/2 year relationship !\n    Right now , he is living about 5 blocks from our house w/ his new girl--> the one that he cheated with . He does'nt pay child support , & never wants to see our children . \n     He actually had the balls to call me today , and think that he deserved some special recognition from our daughter because it was Fathers Day. I told him that until he started being a father , and starts making sure that his children are taken care of---> he deserves nothing from them ! ie : if he can't help to support them , or spend time with them on a regular basis--> he might as well just be classified as a sperm donor---> which is someone that has no rights !\n   I have actually had our childrens healthcare cancelled , because he refused to give me the things i needed from him to renew thier insurance . And , he has let his children go hungry , because he refuses to send them some sort of support .\n    You , atleast don't have to worry about all of that ! Your\nson will be taken care of-->just as my kids will . Just please , make sure you help her out with your son , and spend some quality time with him as often as you can !\n   The ladies will come & go , and most more than likely there is another waiting right around the  corner 4 you !\nShe is obviously not the one 4 you , so go out and have some fun responsibly---> and you will find someone to help you take your mind off of her !
371399
"Any thoughts on family law. Advise please!? My question is in regards to visitation, child support and child's well-being.  My 5 yr old son's father used to be very regular on child support payments and visitation. 2 years ago I remarried and began going to counselling because of problems with or son. In this time we discovered he had a problem with transitions. We got my son's father to come to a meeting and he agreed to help anyway he could. About year ago, he decided to take on a new job which was supposed to pay off some debt he had. His visitation became less frequent and payments started becoming late. I confronted him on his decision as my son was already getting very upset about less visitation, Plus he was acting out. Then last April he went on a trip for a month overseas. He kept up his payments but his visitation was getting worse.Now both visitation and payments are declining. He is not phoning to say he can't make it my son is very upset. What can I do from a legal standpoint? What are my son's rights? Thank you."\n\nThere is no quick answer to your question.\n\nYou have two separate issues that are not really related in the eyes of the law.\n\nFirst, there is the problem of irregular visitation by the non-custodial parent and the impact it has on your child.  Unfortunately, there's nothing the Court can do about that and as you already know, you'll be challenged in your own attempts to deal with it.\n\nLet me stress that in response to your amplification on the question (here and elsewhere): There is nothing you can do in a legal forum to make a dad a better dad.  If you feel that your child's interaction with his father is detrimental to the child, then you can ask a judge to have visitation reduced or entirely eliminated (though usually the father has to be unfit in order to justify such actions).  I understand that it's a rough set of circumstances, but unless there is abuse or neglect-- that is causing actual physical harm to your son or a failure to thrive-- the courts and even governmental agencies like Child Protective Services (or DCFS, etc.) are powerless to act.\n\nIt isn't the role of government to make people better parents.  You picked the father and had a child with him.  That means dealing with him-- and all the problems he brings along-- at least until your child is 18 years of age.  That's just the reality of it.  And no court can change that.\n\nSeparate the issue of visitation and child support in your mind-- and then call the child's father and-- focusing on the psychological needs of your child-- ask that the father make more frequent phone calls to his child and that he try to keep up with the visitation schedule better.  Try to be understanding about your ex's situation-- because being snippy and accusative with him won't get the results you want for your child.  \n\nAgain, in response to your amplification, even if you've been patient for a very long time and you have now run out of understanding and patience, if it's your child that you care about then you'll remember honey's the best way to catch a fly.  That it isn't too much too ask for the father to keep his visitation schedule isn't what's going to get him involved.  If you nag, he won't want to come around.  If you hound him, he won't want to come around.  If he owes support and doesn't want to feel guilty about it, then he won't come around.  You have a lot to do with whether or not he'll come around to spend time with your child.  \n\nSecond, there's the separate issue of child support.  Back child support is something the Court can and will do something about.  In fact, you don't even have to go to Court-- your state has a child support enforcement agency mandated by federal law that will help you collect back child support.  \n\nI'd start by contacting them and filling out an application to get their ass
535648
I was once in your shoes.  I met a guy at college, I was 19.  He transferred schools and lived in Florida, so it was about 800 miles away from me.  We had a long distance relationship and my parents were not happy about it.  I was upset at them for trying to "control" my life, but now I'm 24 and married...and not to the long distance boy either!  Looking back, they knew what they were talking about, what they were doing and I was rebellious and immature.\n\nLong distance relationships are different.  You don't see each other on a regular basis, so you don't interact as you would in a typical relationship.  It's so easy to treat someone with respect and treat them like royalty when they are not always at your side.  You won't know if you'll tire of them or get annoyed by their presence because you don't see each other as much.  Each meeting is romanticised and not reality because it's few and far between.\n\nAlso, not everyone gets jealous and causes arguements.  Jealousy is a trait reflective of lack of trust and insecurity.\n\nAnd as far as your parents go, yes, you are 18 and legally an adult.  Why go so far as to go against their wishes and upset them?  Sure you don't need them legally because you can get a job and support yourself, but think about this... Your parents are your parents, and will always be no matter what you say or do.  But this guy may or may not be in your life 10 years down the road.\n\nI say take it slow.  If this guy really cares about you and perhaps wants to marry you, when he can he should get a job near you to see you more often and see if you two work well together.\n\nTake is slow.  You are young and have so much life ahead of you.  (I am young too, and I married young, but I'm glad I dodged that long distance bullet!)
314473
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
183102
My boyfreind had to move 2300 miles away.  Whay I did was send him a card once a week so he had something to look forward to besides bills! I also spoke via messenger.  Little things in life are big!\nGood luck
622546
You know what? This may hurt, but screw your parents. I've lived an awful life, and I could tell you my life story, but it would go on and on. I'll give you the short version. I have been tossed back and forth between my parents all my life. (they were never married, and never intended to be, I was just a big "accident.") I would go not seeing my mom for 7 years and then not seeing my dad for 4. It's really messed up. I moved in with my mom 4 years ago after not seeing her for the 7 years. I thought that her and I could heal things with time, plus my dad is a really awful person and I wanted to get away from him. Things were ok for a while, and then about a year ago I cam home from school and she was gone. Just gone. I found out that she had moved to another STATE to be with some guy she met on the internet. So now, I have no parents.  I'm going to be honest with you--it IS a hard road, and sometimes you are going to feel like you will never make it to see tomorrow. You just have to have faith in yourself. And guess what? I'm 18 now and I have my own place with the guy of my dreams, and for the first time in my life, I am TRUELY happy. So I wish you luck...reach for the stars and never give in on your dreams. If your parents really love you, then maybe someday in the future they will see past their mistakes...
413692
No you are not wrong!\n\nIf they are separated then he has no business spending that amount of time under the pretense of visiting his son that he has on some weekends.\n\nMy ex tried hanging out at my place and even though my boyfriend lives with me, he would still try to get me to mess around with him. He has been re-married for 10 years and still tries to get me to "get away" with him.\n\nThere is a reason that your man hangs out at her house and I doubt that it is the kid. He is going through the motions of still living with her and it is wrong of him to be doing that if he has any consideration for your feelings.\n\nEveryone here is saying "trust him" and "he should spend time with his son"\nWell dear, you can not trust him because he failed you when he told you he would stop and he has the chance to spend time with his son and does not have any excuse to be at her house.\nTrust is one thing...denial and blindness are another!\nYour relationship already has a poor foundation...why keep building on it?
97177
being an excellent man includes puting his family first and if you thought of resolving his loneliness by moving to where he is and he still thinks that he decerves a better someone a younger girl with no responsability i guess that you should let him go give him time to miss you and the kids and if he was a good guy then he would just come back to you guys .. wish you all the best