I recently left a relationship because he decided to go back to his ex-wife (they have been apart for 6 years) He said that he was tired of paying alimony and needed some financial relief....that being said, a week after he told me this and told me he couldn't see me anymore he shows up at my office and wants to get back together, but he still wants to get back with his ex wife. Of course I told him to f**k off, and he left very angry with. Now my dilema is this: I can't turn my feelings off and on, I still love this man with all my heart, even though he does not return that love in the same way. I couldn't live with myself if I continued seeing him, but I also can't stop thinking that maybe we could still be happy even though he will be with his ex. Am I crazy? Help...this is driving me insane!
119565
its normal you would feel like this, the heart often rules the head, but does this situation make you feel good, if anything ever did happen properly with this man you would never trust him because of how you met. time is a great thing, things change, even after all that been said you need to give him time to think what he really wants, he seems to be going through a difficult time, he needs to give himself a chance to get his own thoughts in order.  but for yourself as a person, you owe to yourself not to be anybodies second fiddle, it would never be enough for anybody because naturally we always want more. hi how are you anyway gav
570565
He had a baby with another girl while he was still with you? Why are you fretting over this guy - you should be glad to be rid of this jerk! I still have to deal with my ex-husband because we have a 10 yr. old together, and we each have 50% custody. But I look at it this way - my ex (a big jerk) has re-married. Now his new wife is stuck with him (and I'm not!). I am re-married to a wonderful man - I definitely got the better deal here! And like someone said earlier - living well is the best revenge. Be glad that he is gone and that she is stuck with him - someone better will come along.
608562
i was in this very situation for the last two month, The man left me for another woman and while he was gone he was calling me the whole time and asking me if he could come home. He just went with the other girl for the sex. We had been in a relationship for nine years and have two children together. He eventually left the other girl and is now back with me and we are married now for the last week. Don't get involved with a man who is on the rebound it wont work. I told the other girl he was still seeing me but she didn't believe me.
624138
I am married and pregnant with another man's baby.  I was separated from my husband for 5 months before I got pregnant with my boyfriends baby.  My ex (soon to be ex-husband) still wants me sometimes too.  He said that if he got the chance to have his family back, he would in a heartbeat, even if he had to help raise another man's baby.  BUT......I don't feel right about that.  I should have never married my hubby because I didn't love him enough, and we were pressured because we already had one little girl together a year before we got married, so we went a head and did it.  Now, I have two little girls, already, and one more little girl on the way.  Yeah, i messed up, maybe if i would've given it a little more time after the separation, me and the ex could've worked things out, but I wanted to move on with my life with this other man.  But, anyways, the point is,,,,,,,, i am currently in this situation, and I choose to not go back to my ex husband because I have ruined everything that we could have had together.  I am still in love with my new baby's daddy, but he couldn't handle the situation, either, so we broke up.  So, make the decision that's right for you.  You are the only one that knows your whole situation. Good luck!     Praying a lot helps too!
105709
If he was really into you and really wanted to be with you he would.  But maybe he felt that way about you and you blew it.  Sometimes we don't know what we have until it is gone.  That sucks.  He does need to stop jerking your heart around though because you will never move on if he keeps stringing you along.  NOT FAIR.  Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't.  Don't play games.  If you have children you are too old to be playing games!!!!   Tell him honestly one more time how you feel but this is the last time and then you are moving on.  And MEAN it.  If he decides to stay with the new one tell him that you will no longer discuss his feelings for you.  Don't let him jerk your emotions around.
497672
While it sounds like you once had a lasting relationship with this long term guy, it is obvious that things weren't working for him when he was close to you.  He left you because he didn't want to be with you, nothing more, nothing less.  \n\nAs a guy I know when we look to come back, we all come up with so many excuses as to why we left, how much we now know and understand, how foolish we are, and how much we miss you.  Bla, bla, bla!  \n\nBottom line is if he is smart, he knows how emotionally attached you are/were and is playing it in his favor because he is lonely or that his reason for leaving you (if it was for another girl) isn't working out in his favor (sex only takes a relationship so far). An instant fix is to get back with you until he recalls why he left, gets his booty call from you, or until something better comes along.  \n\nYou are safe with him, but because he left once, it would be a very safe bet he would take off again once his old feelings or someone hotter comes around.  Believe me, if you go back with him, it will happen again.  You would be wasting your time.  Move on!  Holiday season doesn't help with emotional stuff like this.  \n\nKeep in mind, HE LEFT YOU...you owe him nothing not even a second chance.  He should have thought about that when you were asking him to come back before you became involved again.  As a guy, it is tempting to want/take something you feel you can't have.  In a sick way, your sityation offers a challenge for him to see if he can get you back one more time (ego thing) and be better/win over the new guy.\n\nSounds to me like you are very young, (under 25) and got involved with someone new before you got closure with the old guy.  Just as the guy who left you, you are doing a disservice to your new "love" if you even consider being torn.  How would you feel if he was dragging an old flame into your relationship?  \n\nIt seems like you have a real issue of being alone.\n\nIf it was me, I would break up with both or stay with the new guy, but in the future, take 4-6 months off before you get emotionally involved with anyone else.  Today, neither one of them seem to be that special (seems to me like you are carrying emotions for both and have made things complicated for everyone).  If I was dating you and I found out I was only as important to you as a guy who by choice dumped you on your ass, I would be so checkling out!\n\nDo some healing/reading on divorce/relationship recovery and always remember and learn from what your prior boyfriend did to you.  Follow and recall his past and current actions not his words (that stuff is easy).
656413
I did the same thing many years ago and we finally got back together after about a year apart and got married but ended up divorced before our 8th anniversary.   The problems that were there before were still always there, but I thought he would change and I was lonely and I hadn't gotten into another relationship.  He was my first love!   But 5 years after our divorce, I met a really wonderful man and we've been together now for 16 years and I can't even picture being with my ex anymore.  Sometimes a new relationship does the trick after you've had time to heal from the last.  I didn't think I could move on but I did and life has never been better!
329116
Wow, talk about mixed emotions. It sounds like this man doesn't know whether he's coming or going. He wants you and then he doesn't. He's just all over the place with his feelings. You see, a lot of men and women carry over issues from past relationships. If he has children I assume he's been married before. What do you know about his last relationship? Has he been single for long? I notice you say you became seperated just last July. Are you looking to become serious with this new guy? You have to ask yourself what it is you want out of this relationship and then determine whether you two are on the same page. A word of advice though, don't push him into something he's not ready for. It will backfire and send him running the other direction. Also, give yourself some time to be single for a while and don't rule out dating others either. Maintain your independence. It's very attractive to men. A man wants a women who is independent and who doesn't define herself through him. Don't make it too easy  for him to see you at the drop of a hat every time he wants to. However, always treat him with respect and honor and praise him when he's nice. I wish you luck!
340517
They there bubby! I gave you an answer last month regarding your BF who is in jail and demanding you send him money... I thought by now you would have left him because it sounds like he's having an extra marital affair in there, or he's paying for his drug habit... Quit sending him money now... E-mail me personally and lets talk...Been there and done that scene many times with my significant other and eventually caught him cheating on me so I left him after our 14 year relationship... He kept bothering me and wouldn't find a job and expected me to support him and finance his drug habit, so I went home clear across the State of Alaska, and you now how big our state is... Since then, I've got my life back, a new job and making more money and saving and planning on going on a vacation to meet this guy I met on the internet and hopefully take him home and start my life over again..... I occassionaly miss him and think about him but life goes on.... So I weigh the pros and cons of our past relationship and stop thinking about him and pat myself in the back for taking my life back towards the positive side and don't plan on returning to him... I used to go to the library to use a computer to check my e-mail, but since then I have been able to buy my own computer and alot of other things that I couldn't buy when I was with him..... I look forward to hearing from you Tracer and think positive and things will work out for you.... Otherwise do you have IM/chat so we can talk without having to wait for each others reply? So let's chat and come up with some alternatives to ease your pain.... I have yahoo messenger...
193432
Well it sounds like he has already emotionally abandoned the relationship, so who is to blame you for phyiscally abandoning the relationship?  I think you should do it before he leaves, though.  His running away (literally!) is really just a passive-agrressive way of forcing you to make a decision and be the "bad guy" for leaving when he's gone.  What a wimp!  Demand closure now, before he goes so you can get on with your life and tie up any loose legal entanglements.  You don't want him running up huge debts on his world-wide jaunt that you will be paying off, either.  What a selfish bastard!
299950
You're done?  Then be done and don't linger in the relationship. It sounds like he's willing to do what ever it takes to get back into your lives, but he won't continue.  Once he is comfortable you will revisit why you separated. Give yourself time to heal and keep moving in the direction you know will be better for you and your child.  There's nothing to celebrate except your freedom!
314226
IM BISEXUAL AND LOVE A MARRIED MAN. STRANGE RIGHT? I KNOW. NO SEX INVOLVED. THIS IS A STICKY SITUATION AND ONE THAT SHOULD NOT INVOLVE YOU. IM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HIM. HE NEEDS SPACE AND HE MADE THIS PART OF THE MESS AND PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO SUBJECT YOU TO THE FUCKING DRAMA.MY ADVISE IS TO LEAVE AND MOVE OUT. HE NEEDS TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS AND YOU LET HIM. IF HE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM THINGS WILL WORK THEMSELVES OUT. IF NOT, THEN YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. EVER HEARD "ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR"? I GUESS IT IS.YOU WALK OUT AND SAY GIVE IT A YEAR, CAUSE DIVORCE IS MESSY.AND IN THIS CASE IT DEFINITELY IS. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE LET THEM GO. IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU THEN....THEY ARE YOURS..{SMILE I KNOW YOU ARE SAD} . BE STRONG GIRL,LOL HOPE THIS HELPS.LOL MEXXXI
32414
How long were ya'll married? Getting over a spouse is hard. Sounds to me that it wasnt you wanting to end the marriage. I know I struggled with it for almost five years trying to get over my ex. Dont look like it would have been hard seeing how he left me for a woman 26 yrs older than us when I was 3 months pregnant with our youngest son and he got remarried when i was 6 months pregnant with him. The way I finally done it was by not letting him know that things bothered me! If we had to be some where at the same time I was very friendly and nice. Then I decided to move on and that really got to him. If your with someone a long time its hard not to recall memories. So start by going SHOPPING!!! Go and buy you a new wardrobe one that you picked out...some new cologne. Hint Very Sexy for men by Victoria Secret is a good choice!! If you ever need advice or just someone to listen you can reach me on im at melissa_4573.
569768
Janine, I read your whole question and explanation.  I wish I had good news for you or could say something that could make you believe in him, but I can't.  It is what it is.  No one can tell you to leave or stay... you will make the decision you want until you can no longer live with the decision you made.  \n\nI also went through 6 years of being in a relationship, had a daughter, all the time thinking I was in a faithful relationship,  I did catch him cheating once, two months later taking him back believing he had changed and really wanted to get married.  We never married, even after our daughter came.  On her second birthday I told him I was done pining away after him, believing he was going to marry me like he promised.  I met someone new a year later and the day before I got married to the new man I found out my daughter's father had a son that was a one and a half years old.  He was cheating and fathered a child while with me.  I never knew it.  \n\nThe advice I can give you is to read a book called "Don't call that man!" by Rhonda Findling.  It is very good, small, and easy to understand, direct and to the point.  It is kind of a work book with a question format getting you to think.  I changed my perspective and helped empower me and boost my self confidence.  If you do nothing else, even if you decide to stay in this relationship read the book.
594565
So what you are saying is. before it didn't work and now his current relationship, isn't working. So he wants to try again and your honestly wanting advice of what to do. \nDon't you see the pattern here. It isn't with you or his present relationship but with this guy. Understand that he must have serious issues that he cant seem to get along with anyone. Do you need the drama, do you need a relationship that is doomed to fail before it is ever made? \nHe is your ex and this is because? \nYou see ex means over finished complete. You should respect yourself more than that. After all don't you think your worth it?
362528
You said it, girl. "...(that's my view..")  You'll never understand his motivations for "staring" at you, by speculation. There could be any number of reasons. But I sure as heck wouldn't make one, single move. Is it possible you'd like to get back together with him again?? Let ME speculate...hmmm...why are you letting this bother you?
590922
I feel sorry for you. I think that she still loves and cares for you, but she has been emotionally drained from the marriage.\n\nWhen a woman is fed up she is fed up. Especially when she in truly in love and her partner is not returning the emotions. She can only keep trying for so long before she has to stop and think about if it is really worth it.\n\nI don't want to say but here it is" You should have treated her like a queen when you had her". It may be to little to late, but try and remain on good terms with her. She may just give you another chance. Just remember, if she does come back, don't fall into the routine of neglecting her feelings. If she leaves again, she may never come back.\n\nGood Luck!