For year my mother has known my  step  dad  had sexually  molested my sister and I.SHE BLAMED it on us  we were only 13+14 years old.Later i found out  he  did the same to his other 4  daughters.NEVER an apology. WE all  left  home except my  younger sister. THEY worship  her and have  place  expensive gifts at her  feet. Seems  as  tho she  has 4 gave him  while  i left  to get some sanity.I have been not  welcome there  in their home 4 weddings and family functions and family reunions.ANd if do go back i get attacked.NOW my  step dad the molester is dead.Never said  he  was sorry.and i was not welcome to the funeral either.And  on the phone to my mother  she praises  him  like  a saint 4 leaving her  with thousands+ thousands of dollars. SEEMS to me its always beeen about the money.NEVER about the man up stairs. What do you think?
138724
First, let me say I'm sorry that you went through this tramatic and troubling experience.  My grandfather was a lying, philandering pig, but when he died, my grandmother turned him into a saint.  Your mother appears to be doing the same thing.  You will never be able to understand how she could stand beside that monster who torments the dreams of her babies.  I can't either.  But to her, you are in the wrong.  Seems crazy, but to her you really are the bad guy.  Worry about yourself.  You probably need to talk to someone more professional than us to get your own life straight.  That is my only advise to you.  The first line of the serenity prayer is, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."  You can't change what happened, or your mom or sister.  Try not to be mad at them.  They are doing what they do for a reason, a reason you will probably never be able to understand.  Worry about you and who you are.  To be asking this question of us you realize that you need help.  Talk to a trained perfessional about this.  Good luck Sweetness, you deserve it!
49283
u know i have read in the books many cases of yours..and the result is they return to thier wife or thier life was destroyed because God punished them..u have to let the younger girl go let her be free and find love with a man that is not commmitted..and u must be faithful to ur wife give all ur love to ur family...cheating has nothing to do with ur life,infact it was the start of ur downfall.u know my father did that to my mom it hurts me so bad espscially my mom...i cried all day and i realy hated my father..all the love the respect for my dad is gone...but now am trying to accept him again as my dad because he returned to us asking for our forgiveness...so please dont do it ur making ur family to suffer...and u too..
270977
You know forgiveness is a difficult thing.  I think if you are feeling it, you should do it.  It will be a lot easier to move on.  And really, how long does a person need to be punished for something wrong they have done?  I am not spiritual at all or even religious.  But a lot of people believe we will answer to a greater power once we leave this earth.  If you believe that, then there is no good reason why you need to carry around animosity for your mom.  You are an adult now and if she doesn't feel sorry now, she never will.  But I am sure she feels guilty and that is a punishment she will live with until death and then she will deal with whatever, after.  I think it takes a big person to forgive someone of such a huge thing as a mom leaving her babies.  My dad left my mom before I was born and then claimed I wasn't his.  It was a huge court battle and it was finally discovered he is in fact my biological father.  At age 18 he decided he wanted me back in his life.  I couldn't do it.  I wasn't ready.  I am a mother now and I have forgiven him and moved on.  He is now dying of liver failure and wishes he had more time with me...I am his only daughter.  So, he is being punished.  But not by me...but by himself and knowing that he did wrong.  Good luck to you.  You will make the decision best for you.
470265
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike my stepfather.  In fact, I always wished he'd cheat on my mother so she'd leave the bastard.  Unfortunately, I am not so lucky.\n\nHe was very emotionally and verbally abusive.  And because of him, my mother and I have a very strained relationship.  She chose her husband over her daughter, and didn't protect me from the abuse.  But, oh well.  Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?  My parents will be the ones to deal with the consequences of their actions.
387571
I am sorry for the loss of you mother. AS someone who has been faced with the decision to end life support..its a very touchy subject. My daughter was on life support for five days. In those 5 days numerous brain scans were done on her. There was no blood flow to her brain stem. She did have very slight blood flow to the upper part of her brain, but without the brainstem you dont breathe. I chose after much consideration to let her go. She was never going to recover, she was never going to do anything but lay in that hospital bed for the rest of her life. She would never smile or even open her eyes. She was Brain-dead. I disconnected life support and she died in my arms on April 14,1998. \nNow if someone had brain activity and there was a chance they could come "back" then I believe it is murder. Its hard to lose a loved one. Nobody wants to be put in that situation. But would you mother have wanted to "live" like that for the rest of her life??  The reason your stepfather gave was crap..and hopefully he didnt mean it. Because the lack of money is no reason to disconnect someones lifesupport. Maybe that was his way of rationalizing the HUGE responsibility he had to undertake...and perhaps a way to hide his sorrow.
97785
It happened to me. My husband and my sister no less.  It ruined my marriage, even after 28 years I haven't forgiven him.  He ended up with a terminal illness- Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years. He passed away in 2004. I felt like I had to stay and help him.  His actions affected my relationship with my older son and my sister...not that she was worth a second chance. But, I did try.  My mother, father, and baby sister didn't talk to me for 15 years- yea, like it was my fault. My brother and I remained estranged until he passed away. All I did was stay with the guy.  Big mistake! My younger son is not really part of the family every one shuns him because he looks like my husband. My sister's daughter ended up being an outcast and tried to commit suicide twice. What should you do?  Move on...make a life for yourself, find someone that respects you and loves you for who you are now... don't wait it will only hurt you! I am 53 back in college and making a life for myself for the first time. I have never been happier. I plan on traveling and staying alive! With as much enthusiasum as possible..If you need to have someone beside you I am sure that there will be that certain someone around the corner.  For myself, I just love being myself. One day maybe I'll meet someone but, for now my happiness and peace of mind it what counts to me.
608082
The same thing here. My man's mother more than awful. She's one of those "christains" that quotes the bible and tell you that you're going to hell, but she does every evil thing there is to do. She stole from him, forged his income tax return, lied and manipulate every situation and she told me that if I was to concieve a child, she didn't want no parts of it. I'm writing a book about my experiences with her drama. I ignored her. I stopped playing nice with her after she attack him when he was in the ER. I told her exactly what I thought of her and I ignore her. Eventually, he cut her loose. It was his decision. It's been a year now since we last heard from her. Life has been great and less stressful without her.
535707
So sorry to hear about your daughter, she was obviously very special to you, that is very spooky isn't it, lots of spooky things have happened to me, on the day of my moms funeral a lady who I have never met before came to speak to me outside the chapel of rest, she told me she remembered me when I was a little girl, she spoke really kindly of my mom too, later I asked my sister who that lady was and she said she hadn't seen her, I started asking other people and no one had seen this lady or knew who she was, I spoke to one of my aunts about this lady and said but someone must have seen her she had a really distinct hat on, but no one had, later that day some old photos were brought out and I spotted the lady I had spoken to outside the chapel of rest amongst those photos and she had the same distinct hat on, I was so glad and said to my aunt see there she is, that's the lady I spoke to, my aunt told me it was impossible as she was my grandmas sister who had actually died when I was 3 years old and coincidentally the date of her death was the same date of my moms funeral, that did spook me big time.
626313
I wasn't going to answer this one until I read Kaka's response.\n\nKaka;  you don't know what you are talking about.  Almost all children who get molested are little girls who get molested by a step father, uncle, or older cousin.  If you really understood who is doing the molesting in our society, you would rethink your opinion...  but understanding is probably not your strongest attribute.
667143
Looking at pictures of my daughter.You see she refuses to see me or talk to me.I do not know the reasons for this.I divorced her dad when she was 18.Since then she will not have anything to do with me.My ex and my own sisters turned her against me.She has two children now and I have never seen them not even in a picture.I miss her and love her so very much and it is making me cry now.I will continue to pray to God for an answer.Yes I have tried to contact her by phone and by letters and e-mail.She just refuses to tell me why.Just why is all I want to know.I can't watch anything that shows a love between a mother and her daughter without crying and it's been 6 years now.
612132
Hi!  I am sorry about the situation you are in.  I used to be a step-mom but now I am an adoptive mother.  When I married my daughters dad I automatically became step-mom.  I then adopted them (by the way, my husband had to adopt them with me even though he is the biological father).  My name is now on the girls birth certificates as if I was the one who gave birth to them.  The natural mother loses all rights- even her name on their legal birth certificates!  I hope you can give your step-mom a chance.  It'll be hard, I know.  I was lucky, my girls were very little and I'm the only mom that they know and love.  Is she mean to you or jealous of you?  Are you jealous of her relationship with your dad?   Please figure out why you don't like her and maybe the both of you can work it out.  You are not being disloyal to your mother if you like the step.  You didn't mention whether your mom is still in the picture.  I assume and hope she is still alive.  If not, I'm sorry.  Please, for your sake give step -mom a chance.  The more allies you have on your side the better.  Besides, I know you must love your dad and there could be no worse heartache than seeing the two women closest to him feeling that way.  See it in your heart to be happy for him.  There must be something worth liking about her if your dad picked her for his wife.
184162
Your dad passed away already, and the bible states that he will be resurrected...so there is hope to see him again.  But now, since you and your sisters are the only family member that need to look for each other, I think that you should forgive her whatever she did with your dad, remember that he is already dead....let him go.  Try to live well between you all for the best of you all...if I ask you: Do you love God, probably you would say:"Yes". That would make a lier, because if you can love God whom you cannot see, how come you don't love your sister, and forgive her, even though you see her....19 Know this, my beloved brothers. Every man must be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath; 20 for man’s wrath does not work out God’s righteousness. 21 Hence put away all filthiness and that superfluous thing, badness, and accept with mildness the implanting of the word which is able to save YOUR souls. \n\n22 However, become doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves with false reasoning. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word, and not a doer, this one is like a man looking at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself, and off he goes and immediately forgets what sort of man he is. 25 But he who peers into the perfect law that belongs to freedom and who persists in [it], this [man], because he has become, not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, will be happy in his doing [it]. \n\n26 If any man seems to himself to be a formal worshiper and yet does not bridle his tongue, but goes on deceiving his own heart, this man’s form of worship is futile. 27 The form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation, and to keep oneself without spot from the world. 11 Quit speaking against one another, brothers. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother speaks against law and judges law. Now if you judge law, you are, not a doer of law, but a judge. 12 One there is that is lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But you, who are you to be judging [your] neighbor?
531167
I kind of know how you feel.. when I was a kid, my mom remarried and her husband had two other children... I was never acknowledged by my stepfathers parents, on any occasion. And even after he died, my stepfathers brother had written the survival and named his two kids and my mom as survivors and didnt even mention me. oh well i guess i didnt exist.
88522
I would agree with Loss Leader.  Your question assumes that what you've said is fact (that family members are punished less severely than "strangers") and I don't know that under the exact same circumstances, that's actually true. \n\nA 35 year old male who molests a fifteen year old female should be punished the same whether they are related or not.  If you know of two cases with the same fact pattern to demonstrate what you're saying is true, I'd be interested in hearing about them.  \n\nI would suggest that given family dynamics, it's entirely possible (in the above case, for example), the mother of the child may ask for a more lenient sentence, and it's even possible the victim would ask for a more lenient sentence.  I've certainly seen it happen myself...and obviously, I don't think it would happen for even a second if the suspect and victim weren't related.
448920
Someone very close to me has had this happen to her, a relative actually although not a sister.  It is up to her on whether or not she is wanting to or ready to get help.  It would not be wise of you to seek retribution for her father's actions.  It has to be her decision, possibly with the help of a counselor if need be.  And she may never seek retribution.  She may just want to heal and get on with her life.  It is very hard to prove something so many years after the crime took place.  Immediately afterward would have been better, but most cases of family incest do not get reported until years later.  Then it's a case of he said she said.  Even hypnotizing has been discredited in some of these cases.  \nIf you want to help her and she seems to want your help, talk to her about professional counseling.  It's the best way to go.
558012
Wow. That sounds a lot like my mother. She married my stepdad without telling me and they werent together that long either. My stepdad can be a real jerk and he seems to be real strict and uptight.\nHave you tried talking to your mother about how you feel and the things that have happened? You could tell your mother "Mom, I love you and I need to talk to you about how Im feeling towards (his name here)" Let her know what you've observed and how you feel. I know that it hurts a lot because here is a divorce and you had to adjust to that and everything else in your life and then your mom does this major thing like getting married without any preparation on your part and its hurtful because its a big change in your life and you are blind sided. If you need someone to talk to you can email me Ive been through this and Im still healing from it and it was almost 5 years ago. Hang in there!\nsweetieliz@gmail.com
576566
That's just sick.  No matter how respectful and nice this guy may seem he's really a total creep.  I'm 24 and there's no way in hell I would hang out with a 13 year old unless I was related to them.  It's obvious he's going to mess up your sister so badly.  Tell your parents about what this guy is doing.  Your sister may hate you for telling on her, but when she's older and more mature she'll be very thankful.  This guy can screw her over for the rest of her life, or cause her years of therapy.