I dated a man for just a couple of months when his ex-wife of 2 years wanted to 'try again'. They have two sons. I told him if there was a chance to reunite his family, that is what he should do. He would always regret it if he didn't try. We have been 'just friends' for a couple of weeks now. \nShe made an appointment for them to get counseling together, then cancelled it. She is the one that left him because she thought he was 'boring' Now she has played for a couple of years and wants to come back. I told him to go for it. Now I am afraid he is just going to get hurt again.\nHe and I belong to the same sports club and we also work together. I hit it off with him 'sports wise'. I have to tell you that 'bowing out gracefully' is not easy. I am still very attracted to him. I have been friends with attractive men before. I don't have to act on it. (and I am nobody's plan B) But wow, this one is tough. Any advice?
126948
i am married now but i was with a guy for 9 years and we are like best friends still and my husband talks to him too sometimes we dont talk about anything innapropriate we are just like two good friends so yes it can be done but you cant think about the intimate memories in order to just be friends
472986
Hi Pink, \n\nI think I missed your origional question, but will answer it anyway and come at different angles when I don't know the full story -hope this is useful?\n\nAnyway, what is important is that your ex-partner wants to have contact with his son and that his child wants to see his dad.  If he didn't want to see his son, then there is little you can do to make him and this would be very sad indeed but your own love itself would be enough to provide your son with as much love and happiness that he deserves.  \n\nI am assumming that he does see his dad and spends a lot of time with him, then this is wonderful even though you and your ex will never be anything more than just on good terms for the sake of your son.  Why should you want to cut your ex out of your life when he is the father of your child? - you will just remain in contact purely for the sake of your child and this is good enough for this reason alone.  \n\nNo one says that you should have to be together or love each other just because you did once a long time ago.  People's lives change and so do their expectations and feelings and so if you have moved on, then so should he, but to remain in close contact with his son if he cares anything for him.  His love for his son should be unconditional anyway and shouldn't depend upon whether he loves him because of how you feel about your ex.  If this is the case, then he loves his son for the wrong reasons and truly doesn't care about him because he is wanting you to love him before he can love his son - lots of men will see their children even if their marriage has broken down and because they love their children unconditionally.\n\nIf he doesn't want to see his child because you no longer love him, then the better off your son will be without his father who doesn't love him anyway.  This is a very sad situation, but if your boy is just three, then he will cope a lot better without a father if he is not going to committ to seeing his son on a regular basis and because he loves him regardless of where you stand with your ex.  A child can have just as much love from his mother to compensate and others in the family too, so he won't miss what he isn't getting from his father.\n\nYou can not be held responsible for what your ex decides to do or not do - he is adult enough to bring a child into this world and adult enough to want to be a part of his life whether he is with you or not.  It will be his loss if he does not want to be a part of his own son's life and he cannot force you to love him when you no longer feel that way about him, he has to accept that this is the way it is and you are not going to love anyone who will love their own child on the condition that you are going to love your ex!\n\nYou can still be fond of your ex because he and you shared a life togther once and of course, people don't forget that but just means that the love isn't a romantic one like it used to be but more friends. \n\nor:\n\nIf you are with someone new and he doesn't accept that your ex is a part of your life, then sounds like he hasn't got the child's best interests at heart and is jealous of the fact that your son has another father - in this case, he will be an insecure type of man you are with and doesn't trust in you enough to know that you no longer love your ex and wants to sabotage your son's relationship with his father.  This would be an unhealthy relationship to be in and so I would not allow his jealousy to dictate what is in the best interests of your child and your ex has every right to see his son.\n\nThe same goes for other family - their priority is for the child's welfare and not their own interests. \n\nYou do what is right for you and your child.
467212
I'm a grown azz woman. I myself have two kids and a ex husband. He first would have to deal with that! I would deal with his situation as well. Kids come first or should in any type of relationship! \n\nMy ex BF had a child and our kids got along great. I use to talk to his "baby's momma" on the phone all the time to plan play dates and etc...What these girls now days need to understand is that you are with this man now. She was his past, she will always be a part of his past and future with the two of them caring for their child. If these girls cant handle what the ex looks like or how many times she calls you etc...then dump there azz. You nor your child deserves to be treated in any such way. Find yourself a woman that loves you and respects you and TRUSTS you no matter what! \n\nIve got mine finally and he is the best thing ever!!! My kids adore him and so does my ex husband!
648133
Amazing. Boys! Can't live with them, can't live without them. What he did to you is not only emotionally and physically draining to you, it's just plain wrong. Deep down, I think you know what you need to do. You have a lot of what I call "but" statements. "I dont like it, but....," "I left him behind, but....,"  "I really love him, but...." For every good, I would venture to guess that you can count 10 bad. He smokes pot, so that tells you he is killing his brain cells, and doesn't respect himself as well as you. He engaged in sexual intercourse with another woman. Therefore, not only is he a pothead, loser, deadbeat, and moron, but he is also unfaithful. Because he is willing to engage in risky sexual behaviors, if you continue to be with this loser, you too could possibly contract a nasty std. \nNow, it's easy for me to play armchair quarterback. When you love someone it's difficult to let go. Here is a man that you spent 2 years of your life with. However, you stated yourself that it was "off and on" for the last two years, which is an indication of an unstable relationship. He lives in Florida, you live in Georgia. Not to say that long distance relationships do not work, but this one cannot work for the fact that this loser is too immature to be in a relationship, nor deserving of your love, time and attention. Take a moment to write a list of all the qualities that you desire in a boyfriend and stick to it. Have stringent requirements. Why? Because you're worth it. When you end the relationship with your boyfriend, state to him the reasons listed, and inform him that "NO" you two cannot be "just friends." Once you end the relationship, do not take his calls, do not reply to his emails, and do not see him in person. It's time to begin the healing process and move on........ Best of wishes to you.
158413
How sad!  But the decision is yours.  EVERYONE deserves a second chance, it's the third chance you have to watch out for.  And perhaps you can take this opportunity, while you can't really see each other, to talk a lot about who you both really are and where you see yourselves going.  Then go, if you want - your life is your decision, and people make mistakes.  I cheated once, and learned my lesson - I understood why I did it, and asked for forgiveness.  I have never done it again.  I know your family is worried, but you have to be honest with yourself - can you forget it and continue to love your fiancee?  If you can, then you have the right to be happy, and to be comfortable and safe.  Screw the rest of 'em.
602176
Believe it or not, this just happened to me last night.  My boyfriend was married for 11 years and they split up 9 months ago.  We have been going out for the last two months.  Last night, after about two beers, he looked me right in the eyes and said "I love you so much Ch*&^%)(*%$#."  I couldn't believe it.  He kept telling me he was so sorry and I know he felt terrible, but It is eating at me today too.  I know it was an accident and he didn't mean it, so I have decided to just force myself to stop thinking about it.  I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want to go back to her.  He is very loving and attentive in so many ways, so my advice to both of us is to stop being so sensitive and admit that our boyfriends are human.  They make mistakes, I wouldn't want him to crucify me if I were in his shoes.\n\nGood Luck.
226045
With time, I think there is a good possibility that the two of you will get back together. To find somebody that you enjoy being around, and that you find interesting , is RARE! He obviously enjoyed it as much as you did, so why wouldn't he be back? It's soon for him I know, but just give him time. It's okay to call and see how he is, just don't push(hard to do I know). If the two of you connected, and I believe you did,  just be patient. He'll be back!
336986
I agree, and let me ask you this? Put yourself in the wife's shoes. Would you want to be her??? You are acting very selfish. He is a married man, period. He is taken and he will never be yours. How can you have a relationship based on any kind of trust? Aren't afraid that maybe someday you will be where his ex wife was? Like if he can cheat on her, he can do it with you just the same. You are better off just breaking up. There are plenty of fish in the sea where you do not need to date a married man. You do deserve better. But you are at fault too, even though this guy is a scumbag you are contributing to the mess as well. Try to move on, easier said than done, but if you break up it is for the best.
660886
Hi there,\nI can somewhat relate to you in a sense that I was in your shoes when my boyfriend (now my husband) was doing the same thing like your wife did.  I think, I forgave him since we're not really together (I was in another state).  Yes, I was grossed out when I heard this and the thought of 2 on 1 is disgusting.  We decided that not to associate with those kind of people, which helps me to cope.  Out of sight, out of mind.   The most important thing about this ordeal is having trust in this person again and make sure that it won't happen again.  Yes, then your can feel more secure and comfortable being with this person again.\nBest wishes,
44433
You're remarried, aren't you? You should be married to the person you love-- do you really want to separate from the new guy of your dreams?\nIf the circumstances are different, put it this way:\nIf he's saying all that and he's still remarried, forget the guy. The fact that he already has a woman and claims he wants another just proves he has not changed in THAT category... Who knows, maybe he's one of the cheater guys? I know this situation VERY well. My supposed best friend/ex is with someone else right now and I have been trying to get together with a certain guy.\nThe thing is-- this EX of mine, even though he already has a girlfriend, WILL NOT LET ANY HUMAN MALE COME WITHIN THREE FEET OF ME. He acts like he is my over protective father. If he is already with someone but pays attention to you, there's DEFINITELY something wrong with that. My EX hurt my feelings by separating from me FIRST to get with his new girl. Now he wants me back, but he wont even dump his girl.\nThe basic idea is LEAVE THE PAST AS IT IS and move on because I've been through this situation with my EX for the past seven or so years. It's very stressful and it tied me down because I couldn't let him go.
444181
no one can be talking for him. so i don't think she is putting those words into his mouth. i have dated guys that were separated and i had nothing to do with their relationships with their wives. just because he slept with someone does not mean that he is moving on for her. it was probably just sex. my guess is that he really does want to move. regardless of the other woman.
497889
As soon as you get some self respect you'll realize he isn't worth putting yourself through all this!  You said he repeatedly hurt you (that is NOT love) doesn't care anything about your or your kids (that is NOT love).  Why bother with him?  You can go find a good man and move on.  He'll keep using you as long as you let him.  You've already given him 13 years of your life.  Thats 13 years you'll never get back--from a man you said yourself doesn't love you.  Or your kids.  They should be a high enough priority in your life that you stay away from him.  Is he the kind of male role model you want them to see?  Is this unhealthy, hurtful relationship how you want to teach them to live their lives?  They'll end up unhappy, too.  Move on for everyone's sake.  Good luck!
666129
I would say it all depends on the situation. Since you all have so much history and two beautiful daughters, I would think it'd be better to get back together, but that may just be me. Don't do what people on here say, just take the advice and build off of it. Maybe he got scared for some reason and pulled out of the relationship because he didn't know what to do. If you love him and you know he loves you, then I would give it a second chance. If it was meant to be, it will be. I know that's probably the worst advice line I could give you, but I've found out that it is pretty true. No matter what happens, I promise you both will be okay. Good luck and follow your heart.\n~Grace
425569
Id like to say good luck and that it will.......BUT....you need to remember that you dont know what things are like on the otherside of the fence.....how is it possible that everything is her fault.....i dont honestly think it is, there surely must be reasons why she has moved out on him so many times.....i think you should ask to meet his wife, to understand all aspects of the relationship.....if not for anything, but your peice of mind to know, that things are really as he says.....
103553
Ummmm, this may be a bit tough, but why might he want to go through that?  I had an old wanna-be track me down and call me in the middle of the night a month after I was married.  Did I want to open old memories with her?  Nope.  Put me in a bad spot over something I was not interested in the first time around.  Forget it and move on.  Your fantasy is probably not his.
413649
You have known this freind only for 6 months, or did you know him before that itself ? I am sorry, because you have mentioned that you know him for many years, but the relationship ''has really only been as it is now for the past 6 months''. So is it that you know him for several years, where the relationship was much closer, and you have been in a good freindly relationship 'only' for the past 6 months ? Either way, he is married, has a child, and going to have another baby. I understand that you are close to him, 6 months or not 6 months, but his family will be his priority. His wife too must be going through a lot of physical and emotional changes during this time. Its sad, you dont want to lose a freind and your job, but here you have more choices/options that he has. He has his family, and he cannot fire you (or may not have the heart to) from the job, and he's undergoing stress as well. I am sure you can see that for yourself.  \n\nI honestly feel, that you should quit, although it is like ''why should you, when your feelings are absolutely true and pure, with no other intentions, and he is only a good freind''. But then, considering the condition his wife is in, and putting your freind in a dilemma, you could take the initiative yourself, by trying many other opportunities, elsewhere. Ever thought on why his wife is actually thinking of you in a negative way ? Have you or your freind done something, or behaved in such a way that gave her the idea ? Has he given more priority to you, in any situations in the past for his wife to feel insecure ?\n\nThe answers are with you. As much as I feel bad that you would have to leave your job and a freind, the wisest thing would be to keep away from all this emotional mess. And suppose, lets say you kept the job anyway, would you be even professionally satisfied ? With your freind upset for whom you are working for, and having to face his family at some point of time, even if you have dont no wrong, would create some ugly situations that nobody really wants. Or else another alternative would be to go meet her, as she is your freinds' wife, talk to her, make her feel nice, talk to her often and get involved with her during this time, offer her any help she may need, after all she is your freinds wife. Slowly, she would start realising that there is nothing to it. But then if that is an impossible thing to do you should leave, find a better place with a better environment, and keep the freindship too occasionally. You and your freind would be sad, but you are in fact helping your freind by doing this.\n\ngood luck
74313
I have been through a similar experience. Just over a year ago the guy who I had planned on marrying & I decided to part ways. Even though it was mutual I had a really hard time moving on. I started dating again right away, but soon realized that in the process of dating my ex I had lost track of who I really was, therefore all the guys I dated after him; I was dating for the wrong reasons. I don't know if that makes sense, but I decided that I had to "date myself" first before I was ready to hit the dating scene again. \n\nAbout 4 or 5 months ago I came across this book: Single "The art of being satisfied, fulfilled, and independent". by Judy Ford  It really opened my eyes as to how I was living my life. It's okay to grieve & find yourself before hitting the dating scene again. I've taken a sabatical from dating & have never been happier. I have more guy friends than I have ever had before & they are teaching me what I really want in a guy.\n\nMaybe you're not ready for the whole dating thing yet, but that shouldn't stop you from getting to know this great guy. It sounds like you two are building a friendship, & friendship is so important when trying to rediscover yourself. Just be totally honest with yourself & do some soul searching ... you'll be surprised by all you don't know about yourself.