my husband , the father of my 3 beautiful children ages 2, 3 and 9 got deployed about 2 1/2 years ago and came back about a year ago, then that same week he came home the military put him on medical hold for mental issues he came back with PTSD thay call it and some other things,and stationed him in washington which is 1100 miles away,then didn't let him come til 3 months later, and that was only for 4 days and he had to go back,he started an affair that lasted 6 months that i didn't know about til the end of those 6 months and in that time he only came home once for another 4 days, after i found out i was devastated, completly broken but for my kids and the love i have for him decided to take him back ,kinda til this day the military has not released him and he admitted to me he is back with this woman but he still loves me and wants to come home but loves her also and feels bad about everything,by the way i've been a loving christian wife and lived up to my vows i'm torn what do i do
125745
You say you are a Christian and so am I... one of the symptoms of PTSD is victimizing others. I believe this is what he is doing. I suggest that you insist on two things - first, that he get out of the military the next chance he gets, and two that you go to counseling - TOGETHER. God does not allow for divorce in very many cases... adultery is one of them - if he gets physically abusive, that would also be an exception. If you are interested in saving your marriage, which you seem to be, then I suggest you try this. Your husband is going through something that you cannot understand, but he is dealing with it very poorly. So the solution is for you to understand, for him to get help, and for you to get help healing your heart. You have to get back on the same page. By the way, if you don't get help and the situation escalates, you could be at risk for PTSD, too. Best of luck and God Bless.
304814
war changes people and it is not an easy thing to go through.  I know of people who have made it work after war they are celebrating their 50th soon.  It was not easy but it was worth sticking it out.  Try falling in love with him again, find new things and try to be supportive.  I don't know what all the issues are but maybe counseling would help.
419130
When I got deployed I was lonely and called my x whom I broke up with cause she treated me bad. When I returned I realized I just needed a security blanket to get me through till I was in a familuar place again. Your his security blanket. He will be great till he gets back in his groove, then you'll be on the back burner again. Go for the other guy.
339744
Read your papers everyday. Don't worry. I am a military wife and I know how it feels not to hear from someone who's over there. Don't think the worst. There are many reasons why they may not be able to call you. When my husband was over there, someone compromised the unit by revealing to much info to a loved one on the phone. Consequently, they weren't able to call home for two weeks. Also they may be moving and they may not be able to communicate in anyway. If you have contact info, write or email. Many soldiers (along with everyone else now!) have Myspace pages. See if they have one. Next of kin is contacted as soon as all of the proper procedures are complete. The person the soldier listed on his paperwork is the person that will be called. It is not always a spouse or a parent. After that, it is up to that person to contact everyone. But please, be patient, relax, and pray. Things are tough but you will be okay and he is ok.
372678
Sweat heart everybody makes mistakes.\nYour husband is going through some unbelievably tough experiences. Life in Iraq is brutal.\nWrite him every day, keep the letters upbeat but still telling him how much you miss him, and need him around. Tell him about your child, tell him you talk to her about him all the time. Send him care packages, make them a piece of home, send your picture and a camera telling him you can't wait to see him again. When he says the things you wrote about skim over it, it is such an untrue thing to say it deserves little time. Remind him that he is the only one for you and that your family is the most important thing.
125199
First let me tell you that I'm sorry.  I know that right now you're heart is broken and you probably feel like you can't breathe.  You're hurt, angry and embarrassed. Nothing is going to make that better but time.\n\nBut as a wife, and an Army wife at that - let me say, congratulations.  I know it's impossible to see right now but she probably did you a favor.  You sound like a great guy.  Very caring and open with your feelings. You have a job that takes courage, and you have honor.  You deserve better than that.\n\nYou need a wife that will honor you, and love you no matter what. In your job you're gone a lot, to places that require you to be focused on your mission.... not just to perform well but to stay alive.  \n\nCan you imagine if you had married, then you deployed and she changed her mind then?  It takes someone really amazing to be an Army wife.  It's a tough job.  It takes a lot of committment, and stamina.  She has the ability to advance your career beyond what you can imagine right now.  And it doesn't sound like this girl new what she had in you... or what to do with it.\n\nGo out with they guys.  Spend some time with Good friends.  If you can - grab a buddy and go on a road trip.  Try and get away so everyone isn't asking about it.  Then make up a really great story about how you walked in and caught her filming a porno with a three legged midget and giraffe and kicked her to the curb to tell the guys when you get back to post.\n\nI know it doesn't seem like it..... but she may have just saved your life.  \n\nIt took me 26 years to find a guy like you, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him.  After six years of marriage we are more in love than any couple we know.  And happier than we ever thought we would be.  You deserve that too. But we bothhad the kind of heartbreak you're having now along the way.\n\nHold on, brighter and less painful days are coming.... I promise.
282068
youve only been going out for 3-4months over the phone i don no how long youve spent together not on the phone but its to soon. take it from my personal experience i was asked to marry someone after a week of noing him and he told me he wanted me to move with him it scared the crap out of me but i stayed with him. we had a long distant relationship for about ten months when three of them i heard nothing from him. he was in the army he left the army and about five months after spending time with him i feel pregnant i didnt no the true him until i feel pregnant cause he totally changed. i someone was to tell me that agian id tell them to go and get help. my daughter has never met er father and shes two and a half and will never get to meet him cause he was recently killed in a car accident.\n\nbut if its meant to be it will be but take it slow im not going to judge maybe she just wanted to see what your plans of a family are if it starts getting serious
359012
I was in love with my husband since I was 15 years old.  I am now 31 and we have 2 children together.  He chose to make some choices within himself, which affected us as his family in a very negative way. He chose pain pills over his family, which took every penny he had, then turned into an evil addiction.  We have lost homes, jobs, have had the law at our home numerous times. As his wife, I wanted to help him and be there for him...after years of struggling with this addiction..and trying to help him..the girls and I are out of energy and have had our hearts broken one too many times.  He is now in prison..and we were still there for him while he is there...but it came to a point that after being in prison for 6 months...he still showed his selfishness and EXPECTED things from us.  I have now chose it is time to move on, I love him so very much, but I have no control of him or his choices anymore, and our girls and I do not deserve to struggle anymore.  It was time for divorce.  I still think about the person that I fell in love with everyday.  I pray for him.  But this love story got out of control, and had a very sad ending.
156744
Being a Drill Sgt, is no picnic.  They work long long hours and get no days off.  They live with these men and women.  I know it has to be hard on you being a spouse.  I've been in the military and was married to a military man and it's not easy.  There is a high divorce rate in the military and with Drill Sgt.  You sound like you are very grounded and very supportive of your husband and should be commended.  One day he will be out of the service and you will have him all to yourself but in the mean time, support him and love him.  It sounds like you have a good man and remember he is doing a great service to his country.  So many people marry military people and don't understand that it's not a 9 to 5 job, and you have alerts, and you move out, and you have duty to pull and you don't get weekends off and you get deployed..As hard as this is for some people to understand but you serve your country.  I've always believed that before someone gets married to someone in the military they really need to have some kind of counseling and some understanding of what a service member has to do and respect that and support them.  I think things will be okay for you and your husband, you sound grounded and you are aware that what he is doing is not easy for him either.  Good Luck...
34042
This is probably not what you want to hear, but let it go. Don't sweat the small stuff and everything is small stuff. The freind doesnt sound like much of a friend. You might have to let your wife find that out by herself. Also Good for you for not breaking up with you wife/girlfreind when you where called to duty.  I saw it happen so many times, before a deployment. So many broken hearts :(
296610
You don't have two personalities what you do have is a part of you that desires intimacy and affection. I think you are torn between your values and your emotional and physical needs. I have to commend you for your commitment to your marriage but how do you do it if he is so far away?  As much as you have all the best intentions I can't imagine having my husband in another country it would make me feel like i wasn't married. Does your husband have plans on coming home soon? If he doesn't and you do find the courage to separate from your husband it does not mean you didn't try to make it work or did something wrong. Unless the way you feel right now changes. If the need for an intimate relationship still haunts you, you have to seriously consider moving on so you can be whole again.
27936
well, i he loves you then make him work for you. you are obviously a good wife cause you still stay by his side, but that only means you deserve the best. tell him how you feel. if all gets worse then you should think about talking to God. He cares for you and your child. if you ever need more advice feel free to email me. i hope all turns out well.
253202
My husband is in Iraq. Last time he saw our daughter she was 2 months old, next time he will see her she will be a walking & talking 14 month old (I didn't include the oh-so-short R&R he gets). I cry almost every day. I write him every night. I pray before bed that he makes it home to our daughter and I. \n\nOn the good side, this time apart makes us realize all the things we took for granted before. He's making more money so I am able to stay home with my daughter and go back for my Master's.
229487
yeas sex is nice but what's on his mind when he comes home isn't sex probably as much as it is home itself. I haven't been deployed yet but boot camp lasted 3 months. When I came back I spent the day with my family and friends. My mom made me my favorite dinner and everyone brought me a card saying welcome back. Just surround him with the people and things he loves. Stick something out in the front yard if you own a house saying welcome home then Rank and Name. He deserves a lot of respect and love for going over there so make sure you give it to him when he gets back! Good luck hope August comes by quickly for you.
624138
I am married and pregnant with another man's baby.  I was separated from my husband for 5 months before I got pregnant with my boyfriends baby.  My ex (soon to be ex-husband) still wants me sometimes too.  He said that if he got the chance to have his family back, he would in a heartbeat, even if he had to help raise another man's baby.  BUT......I don't feel right about that.  I should have never married my hubby because I didn't love him enough, and we were pressured because we already had one little girl together a year before we got married, so we went a head and did it.  Now, I have two little girls, already, and one more little girl on the way.  Yeah, i messed up, maybe if i would've given it a little more time after the separation, me and the ex could've worked things out, but I wanted to move on with my life with this other man.  But, anyways, the point is,,,,,,,, i am currently in this situation, and I choose to not go back to my ex husband because I have ruined everything that we could have had together.  I am still in love with my new baby's daddy, but he couldn't handle the situation, either, so we broke up.  So, make the decision that's right for you.  You are the only one that knows your whole situation. Good luck!     Praying a lot helps too!
547792
There are many factors to consider before I can adequately answer your question ---\n\n1.  How long have you been married?\n2.  Do you still love him or are you just accustomed to him being around?\n3.  What do your marriage vows truly mean to both of you?  Is divorce actually an option, or are you willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work?\n\nI can only imagine the emotions you must be feeling - just remember this:  even the best of partners don't wake up 'in love' with each other every single day!  There is a healthy ebb and flow to each marriage.  When my husband was still active military, we went thru this and decided to just start over.   That's right!  It only took one week of courting and rediscovering each other all over again - it truly helps to uncover the person you fell in love with and allows you to fall deeper in love with him.  Ask and see if he would consider trying this before any final decisions are made.\n\nThe bottom line is that you loved him enough to stand before God and promise to stay married until one of you died!  I truly hope you can work it out - God bless!
287668
No, it certainly isn't enough to keep a relationship going. You have to have lots of patience and be able to communicate. Communicating certainly is tough right now and that's where the patience comes in. (Patience is also absolutely necessary when it comes to stubborn people as well!) Plus everything going on around us is bringing a lot of confusing feelings into play right now. That's not helping the situation and deployment just complicates matters. You guys are the only ones who will know if you can get through these tough times, but he mostly needs your support right now. He's physically in a world far far away from the life he's used to... and mentally, who knows where?