My husband loves to fall asleep in front of the TV every night and it really bothers me.  I feel that if he is that tired, he should be going to bed.  So first, I'd like him to spend more time with us but also...I feel it's a waste.  I don't know how to express my feelings without hurting his feelings and by making sense.  Any ideas?
121666
Same problem here.....
227558
I used to practically beg my ex-husband for it... then, after I asked for a divorce, he told me that he was watching movies every night after I went to bed.  (I had no clue & felt so dumb!)  He said that it was because when he was with me it didn't last long (it didn't, maybe 15-20 seconds).  When he, um, took matters into his own hands, he could prolong matters and it felt better.  Then he asked for my help.  It opened the door of communication, I helped with "exercises", but we still divorced.  I was emotionally over him and just drained.  I felt like he lied to me for too many years and he was being selfish.  Don't wait.  Get help now, before it's too late....  What a waste!  We both enjoyed sex - it could have been so much better.
351110
Congratulations on the dramatic weight loss!!!!!\n\nMy guess is that your husband is probably feeling a little left out.  What guy wouldn't, if you devoted that much energy into your weightloss.  Especially if he's used to you paying more attention to him.  Or maybe he is like most guys that have been married for a long time.....\n\nWhen we are together for a long time, we sometimes forget to keep flirting, dating, and making the extra effort to treat our partners like out #1 choice.\n\nWe sometimes tend to get a little self-absorbed with our own problems, obligations, and responsiblities.  We forget to actively try to fulfill out partner.  We assume that out mere presence fulfills them, that since we are there, then they should feel loved.\n\nWhen a new hobby, child, project, or habit moves in (in this case, your weightloss) then sometimes they feel slighted.  We forget that our perception of something is not exactly out partner's intent.  We react before giving them a chance to clarify their intent.  We assume that they meant something rather than just asking them.\n\nAnd sometimes we forget to pursue them like we did when the relationship was new.  When a relationship is new, our bodies go into overproduction of certain feel-good chemicals (adrenaline, dopamine, norepenepherine, endorphins, etc) and we feel that rush........which usually lasts for about 36 months, unless we take measures to stimulate those chemicals to be produced.\n\nAfter 36 months, that chemical overproduction usually subsides making way for new chemicals that promote long-term acceptance and comfort.  Kind of the way our metabolisms slow down by age 30, and we need to make extra effort to stay the same size and shape.\n\nThis is when it starts to take longer for our bodies to respond to each other, and we may even thing the fire is gone, or that we are no longer in love.  Big Mistake!\n\nSometimes, when one partner makes extra effort to take care of themselves or look good, then the other partner feels threatened, insecure, like they should be improving themselves, too (but they lack the motivation to).  It's like pulling the rug out from under them, once they got comfortable with the way things were.\n\nYour best bet is to not go tell him how you feel, but to change your behavior. guys are not socialized to talk about feelings, and often don't know how they feel.   Guys are more actions-oriented.   If you change your behavior, then he will automatically respond differently to you.\n\nRemember his ego needs.  We all want the same things from others, but guys especially are sensitive to things they would never ask us for or tell us about.\n\nRemember to appreciate him, to respect him, to challenge him, to admire him, to need him, to pursue him, flirt with him, treat him like you think he's sexy and deirable, that he is skilled and powerful, and sought after.  Treat him like your #1 choice, and that you are lucky that he loves you.  Do this daily.  Give this freely, without exception or conditions.  Even when he's a crabass, take the high road, and love him anyway.\n\nTry to walk in his shoes.  Tell him how you think he must be feeling once in a while.  Even if you're wrong, just guess how you would feel if you were him.  It shows him you are aboe to see beyone your own perspective.  Seek to understand before expecting to be understood.  This is how you teach him how to treat you.  He learns how to do the same with you.  You inspire him to act differently by modifying your own behavior.\n\nHe might possibly be feeling intimidated by your drive and your success, and maybe a little inadequate or emasculated.  Let him know that he's the man.\n\nIt would be self-defeating to let your self-worth be determined by his approval.  Don't change yourself too much to try to please him.  Make him come to you with what he needs, and be willing to give it to him.  Chances are he just wants to be the man, to be powerful, attractive
233964
I know exactly how you feel. Here I am up at 2.24 a.m. and I have to be up by 6.45 a.m. I am going to try a hot relaxing short bath and a warm glass of milk with a little low fat chocolate. I think we should both log off our computer for a start if either one of us is going to go to sleep.  Ha! Ha! Hope it work for you, try to close your eyes and think of pleasant thoughts.
71128
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
252448
I really think you guys need to sit down and talk.  Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.  trust me, not talking is worse. My husband and I never talked about our feelings, and if your on here a lot you know my situation. If not, after 20yrs. of marriage, I'm looking at DIVORCE.
325960
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
283700
It may be depression.  I used to think my husband was lazy because all he did was sleep and lay on the couch.  He was depressed.  I didn't understand until I started going through a major depression about 10 months ago.  In my case anti-depressants has helped a lot.
389521
I don't understand how married people can live in the same house and sleep in the same bed and not be able to talk.  \n\nAsk him !!!  And don't always look for the problem to be with you even if he says that it is  you.  We are always looking to blame others for our wrongs or short comings.  So ask !  And he may not be truthful at first because he maybe hiding something.\n\nBest of luck.
672238
He is extremely immature.I turn off my alarm clock,and I cant remember doing it.It is exhaustion,because we are programmed to skivy all the time our brain doesnt shut down.I would not argue over something petty like this.It makes me angry that you have to explain yourself to this pathetic excuse for a man.Tell him calmly you were feeling unwell,and felt completely exhausted to the point you couldnt remember turning the tv off.let him know(through gritted teeth) that you would never deliberately ignore him,and that you love him.men are pains.
295537
That is a perfect idea girl. Video tape it, and watch it with him. Then have your little talk afterwords, but not while your eating. lol Good luck. BTW I had a husband who snored his a** off, and talk about loud ,Man! Anyway I taped him one night, and let him hear it for his self, because he would say he didn't snore so that was a shock to him so he didn't mind if we slept in separate bedrooms. We're divorce now, I found someone who doesn't snore. That's not the reason I divorced him though, I feel in love with someone else. Chow.
381028
My husband used to be in the army so used to be away a lot, I tried to treat the time he was a way as time for me, and try to do things I wanted to do, evening classes, long pampering baths anything that is purely selfish that you don't usually have time to do.\n\nHe's no longer in the army but still works away occasionally, If we spend too much time together, especially when he works from home sometimes, it drives me mad, as I appreciate tme on my own as well as time with him.\n\nHe's been working from home for the last 3 weeks or so but is going on a course for a week tomorrow and much as I love him I can't wait, cos he's starting to get on my nerves, nothing major just a bit of treading on toes.\n\nI'll get loads done this week and feel much better in myself and closer to him too when he comes back.\n\nTreat Yourself, and think of it as ME time xx\n\np.s. we have been together 20yrs in all and it has always been a factor for us too, I guess it does get better, it did bother me more at first though
545063
Well  if you are tired of him... Let me tell you is not a good sign for this marriage because  you say you are tired  or either you talk to him about it and solve the problem.   Some people show love with actions no words but sometimes that is no enough   womes  like to hear that she is loved and beautiful... Talk to him
570002
So it is ok when you are tired and not interested, but not ok when he is tired and not interested?\n\nMaybe there is something going on here that isn't about you and your needs...
467740
Well, I wouldn't jump the gun here. My husband really doesn't have a set time to come home (since he works on the road some) however there are times when he leaves the shop and isn't home until two hours later (we live ten minutes from his job) he is a gabber mouth, he can talk to anyone forever. (My middle daughter gets this from him because she is often corrected at school for talking) Tell your husband that you miss him an awful lot, and if he could cut down on hanging out with friends after work maybe twice or three times a week. You still want him to have some "relax" time but you want to emph that you want to be with him, too.
273781
I would cover him up, kiss him good night and go to bed.  When he wakes up he'll know you cared enough to tuck him in, loved him enough to realize he was really tired, and then he'll slip into bed beside you and snuggle you and won't wake you - but come morning, you'll be together.  Next time if you notice him nodding off, suggest that maybe you call it an early night.  Even if you're not ready for bed, you've gone to bed together and once he's asleep, you can get back up and read or whatever, but at least you laid down and closed out your day together.
48128
Sex is important to a marriage of course, but communication, trust, respect and friendship are VERY important. There is something going on with your husband and just reading your question, he seems to be distant and it does not sound like it's just about the sex for him. Try and give him some time of pampering him...massage him without touching him sexually, just make it relaxing. If he likes a favorite food & TV show set that up for him too. Don't bring up any conversation during this "his" time. Just let him know that you love him and you are there for him if he ever needs to talk about anything and say nothing else. If you make him feel safe and that you are his best friend, that is the beginning of intimacy and then on a different day, ask him if you can talk and be honest with him that you miss your physical relationship with him and ask him if there is anything that the two of you can work on together to try and bring intimacy back into your bedroom. When you share with him how you feel, don't be accusatory but just say "I feel" and also truly listen to how he feels. Good luck. Marriage is always something we have to work on.