I care for this man very much and I don't know what to do to help him with what he is going through with his mom. She has cancer and there is no hope for her. I hurts me to see him hurting and I just don't know what to do.
127636
I am feeling for you today - I lost two people, unrelated back to back last Wed and Thursday..its been brutal its been one of the worse weeks of my entire life and I too am feeling..have I done enough?? And yes..I have...\n\nAll you can do is be there for him. Talk to him, or dont talk when he doesn't want to. You can call him and ask how he is doing, you can take him to dinner and take his mind off of it and give him a sense of normalcy and a few minutes of a reprieve from the sadness, you can bake a lasagna and bring it to his house so he doesn't have to worry about cooking..\n\nBut believe me - your friendship is enough. that you are caring and going through it with him..\n\nMy friend who lost his in utero baby at 5 months said to me..We are on the first rung of the grieving ladder - at the very top..and you are right behind us on the second..\n\ndamn straight I am..I'm holding their legs and keeping them steady on the first rung and will catch them if they go to fall...as will you with your friend.\n\nJust be there..its enough. take care and hang in there.
646401
Do you remember your wedding vows in sickness and in health? You know if my spouse wasnt taking care of me and showing the love and support I needed I might just pack my things and say ADIOS! I mean given you need help if your mother is there to help you then take what you can get. If she isnt being a wife or partner at all then what is the marriage about? Sounds like a house full of misery to me. Thats the last thing you need you need some love and support regardless of the mistakes youve made. If she cant trust you or get over the things that happened maybe you guys should get some help with your marriage. Otherwise if she cant get over it, I think she isnt going to change how she feels and maybe the marriage is over. I think if I was sick with cancer Id want positive things in my life and if someone is dragging me down Id either talk to them about it and work it out or like I said if that doesnt work and youve exhausted other options, stay with your mom. You need positive reinforcement right now to help you get through. Good luck.
331022
It seems like something coming out of a very sad heart. \nAnd definitely, it's heart touching, as i read it i had tears in my eyes. Only a mother can understand another ones suffering. \nI wish that this wouldn't happen to anyone. \n\ni feel so sad for all the pain you've been through but it seems that your son will be with you, always. In your thoughts, your dreams, your memories...
287497
This past April was the 19 year anniversary of my Mom's death. She had suffered with cervical cancer for the last 17 months of her life and as I watched her suffer through the chemo treatments and the morphine dosages, I found myself praying that God would take her home with Him where I knew there she would no longer be in pain. Although I was there for her as much as I possibly could be and did whatever she needed me to do for her, the suffering was more painful to watch than losing her could ever be. I spent the Friday before her death with her the whole day.  We talked about our childhoods, our adult lives, her sickness, and how I would keep her memory alive for my (future) child(ren) and we laughed and cried together. This period of my life with her were the best and the worst days that I can remember but they are memories I would not have wanted to miss.\n\nI finally had my daughter nearly 4 years later and even though she never met my Mom... she knows her through my memories and knows that Grandma Rose is waiting in Heaven to meet her. \n\nLosing Mom is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and basically I did it alone. The only advice I can give is to pour yourself into something constructive and keep busy and most of all...take it one day at a time. It gets easier and the tears turn from tears of sorrow to tears of joy in the lasting memories you will have even of these final days.\n\nMay God bless you and your family throughout this time and my prayers will be with you.
469603
Two of my friends mothers have died it is a very sad time because you are without the most loyal, loving, caring, woman you will ever meet in your life. Lets start off with my neighbors. They have a boy my age who was ten at the time and a daughter who was only three when the aweful event occured. Their mother had been hopitalized for almost too months with a very serious cancer and she saddly died. There was a lot of mourning and nothing seemed to cheer either of them or their father up. We tried invited them over for dinner, taking them to the movies, playing whole family games outside like flash light tag, badmitten, soccer, basketball. Nothing seemed to work. I especially felt bad for their young girl who would have to go through puberty and such withouth her mother which I would not have been able to do with out my mother. About a year later it went back to normal and the mourning wasn't still going on even thought they were oviously still upset and probably thought about her everyday. About a month ago a classmate of mine lost her mother. She was at school bright and early the next day which seem odd. She didn't cry, frown, or seem at all upset. This girl and her mother did not have a good relationship. She was in my kindergarten class when her mother was put in to a mental institute and moved in with her grandmother. Her mother had tried to hurt her and hurt herself. I remeber he once telling me her mother had run over her own foot with a lawn mower. There were also many other little strange, gross stories. She never really seemed upset about any of these things happening and I think that is why she did not care much when her mother passed. I think the mourning period will last occording to how close you were to you mother. My neighbor was attached to his mother and was sad for a very long time. My classmate did not have a good relationship with her mother so she did not get very upset about her mothers death. If you friend was attached to her mother she will probably be sad and feel as though a part of her is missing for the rest of her life. For right now there isnt much you can do to make her feel better it isn't a subject that can easily slip your mind. Just try to be kind and wait until she feels better. Don't try too hard that its obvious that you are trying to make her feel better. Good Luck. I hope that you friend comes out okay. All the love too you.
383715
Wow, I'm so sorry about your brother.\n\nI don't think that she thinks that at all.  She loves you for who and what you are: YOU.  Displacing your feelings of grief and pain onto her by putting feelings that she most assuredly isn't feeling onto her isn't really fair.  \n\nMy opinion: See a bereavement counselor.  After my mom was killed in 97, I went to one for about 6 months, and I'll tell you it helped so much.  If you call your local hospital, they should be able to refer you to one who won't cost you to go to them.\n\nFor what it's worth, I think that your mom loves you and just wants you to make the most of your life because she's learned the hard way that life is short, and that you have to live it to the fullest.  She just wants to see you do that.  And of course she misses your brother...she wouldn't be normal if she didn't.  But, she can have it both ways...she can love you for you and still miss him.  Sit down and talk to her about it.
386855
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
223648
First of all, let me say that I am very sorry for both you and your husband. My Mother is 5 years into treatment for Lymphoma and I know how hard it can be. I am concerned about the fact that you think God has healed him, yet he is obviously very ill. I understand that you want to turn to faith in this situation. You need to grasp the fact that faith is not a plan. Neither is cutting back your paycheck if you cannot afford to do so. Is he on chemo? Any treatment? There are many medications he can be given with chemo that will help him enormously to feel well enough to manage himself while you are at work. He can try many of the different blood cell booster shots. He also may want to look into anti-depressants. Depression will inhibit his immune system and cause his energy to fall lower that it would be from the cancer itself. His oncologist needs to be aware of your concerns immediately. Your families should also be involved. Most often family members want to help but don't know what to do. Please feel free to contact me through my Q&A page if I can help more with specific questions for your doctor or medications to ask about. Good luck.
180175
Dealing with a life threatening cancer is certainly a life changing event for the family (along with the obvious for the one who is afflicted). Watching my father die this year (even though for much of it i was away at school) has been the most difficult thing ive had to deal with in my life. Seeing someone that you love and respect so much slowly go from an active person, to a sedentary person, to a dying person is a difficult transformation to witness. There is always some form of bad news as the cancer slowly defeats some of the different methods that are used at times to treat the illness. You tend to experience every emotion in small bits. First theres a lot of fear and denial, because although there are so many different forms of cancer, and so many people get the disease, its never going to happen to us, we thought. Then theres anger and despair, and just an incredible sense of loss as you realize some of the things that will hopefully happen someday in my life that he cant be there for.\n\nYet you begin to realize that you are not alone, and that life really is a precious thing. I became so much more thankful for the 19 years i got with my dad (sadly a lot of this was after he passed, as it was too tough for me to be around him while he was in his final weeks). Although you have to deal with the slow dying process, you get to spend so much more time with them, than if death had come quickly from an acute illness. You begin to value the things which you take for granted from before. The difficulties never go away during the process, but every little bit that Dad fought, along with the good moments made life worthwhile. \n\nonce i made peace with the idea that he would die, there was a pretty horrible sense of waiting, because you know eventually it will come (if its terminal). But you realize that you have time, and that is a beautiful thing. Ironically, ive learned to love who my dad was more since he has gone than while i was an ungrateful teen (or maybe i just didnt realize how i loved the man).\n\nFortunatly all cancer is not fatal, and there is a lot of hope for a cure. Im now a better person for the difficult process, and ive learned to have empathy for my fellow man and woman. I love my dad, and the fact that he is gone doesnt take away from the wonderful 19 years i got with him.
367861
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. my mom pass away not long ago so  I know your pain, I can tell you that you never stop missing her and it's hard around the holidays. I will pray for you that God comforts you doing your time of sorrow. he already has your mom and although you miss her and still need her she is pain free and in a better place.
379214
I don't think your crazy.........Since he died at a time and place of his own choosing he may have set some of these things up prior to his death......I have known people to do that before they die.......Mom's dying of cancer will buy birthday gifts for their children to be given out at the right time? Just a thought.......The other things you"feel" can be any number of things but I believe he is with you when you need him.....I am sure he was in a lot of pain at he time of his death but I am also sure he loved you. Enjoy your quiet times.............You will heal soon.
657682
I'm about your boyfriend's age, and I lost my mother last year.  If my experience has any relevance here, I felt somewhat sad on Mother's Day.  But more than that, I felt *strange*.  I would always call my mother, send her a card or gift, and so forth, and of course I couldn't do that.  I felt left out of all the Mother's Day talk.  After all these years, I was an outsider.\n\nOne thing you don't mention is whether your boyfriend has any chlldren of his own.  If he does, and if they make a fuss over him because he is their dad, that should help quite a bit.\n\nYou are a kind and supportive girlfriend to be thinking of your boyfriend's dad this weekend.  I think he is lucky to have you.
537988
Just be there as a friend.  Other than that there is really nothing you can do. Be careful though, even though he loves her alot your "being there" for him may cause him to redirect his feelings and after awhile your boyfriend may not understand.  Keep it above board, and be there as a friend and supporter.  Don't aide in putting his wife down because if they end up back together it will put a rift inbetween you two. Good luck, and I think it is great that you are there for him and care enough to ask.  The world would be a better place if more people thought that way.
272408
Death is a hard thing to deal with especially when it is someone who you are close to.  Right now he blames himself and feels guilty for not being there for his grandmother.  That is perfectly normal but at some point he needs to realize that no one could predict the exact day she would become non responsive and that in the end his grandmother would rather have him be with you and be having a good time than for him to be in a hospital watching her die.  I think at this point though you need to give him his space but realize that if he isn't able to forgive himself and stop feeling guilty then you two will never be together again.  If he ever does decide to be with you then you two need to talk about his way of dealing with things.  He needs to realize that a relationship is about two people and when something happens to one person in a relationship it affects the other, and if he wants to ever be in a good relationship he needs to let that person in and deal with life together whether it be the good times or the bad times.  If he can't do this then you need to move on and find someone else because I don't think you are the type that can just let someone you love hurt without being there for them.
386949
I am very sad that you are hurting so much. Some wounds are very deep and take a long time to heal. You deserve to be loved and cared for! I can't even imagine how much it must hurt to have someone you care about so much do that to you. I don't know if you believe in God, but I do and I believe that he can heal us. I believe that forgiveness is the key to overcoming your hurt. I know it is extremely difficult, but if you can try to push angry feelings away and forgive him for what he has done, you will feel better. I do not believe that finding someone else is the right solution. It is a way to cover or bury your pain, but not heal it. Pray for strength, don't be ashamed to cry, and turn to good friends for support. I will keep you in my prayers as well.
548450
im sorry =(    best wishes to your mom... i dont think theres much you can do besides provide her comfort and let her know your there for her.
327423
u are in a tough position i must say,but u know actions speak louder than words.at times it is so difficult to do what we want to do in life and in this case of ur boyfriend it seems he wanted to please his mother more than himself.life is full of sacrifices but i don't see why he had to sentence himself to a life of sadness n all if he really loved you.i think if he really meant what he was saying about his love to you he would have talked to his mother and told him of his feelings for you and even refused to take on this new girl.if he still says he loves you,there is nothing you can do as for now as its already late.don't despair though God will open more opportunities for you.just be glad that you were able to share some part of ur lives together and move on.the truth is always bitter but it is time to move on gal!wishing you all the best as u go on with ur life its gonna be a tough road,bt i believe someone much better is gonna come your way sooner or later just keep the door to ur heart open!