I really like poetry and have even writen some poems. Soon I'll be entering my first poetry contest, so please tell me   what you think of this poem and give any suggestions you   have. Thank you!\n  \n                          Memory\n        Ashes of a memory falling to the ground\n     Wishing desperatly to be remembered; to be found\n           But maybe it's best to let it fall\n        Such a trecherous memory not good at all\n               But if we always forgot bad\n            Nothing, oh, nothing would be glad\n        Life would soon ruin, lessons leaned not\n              If we never, never forgot\n           Catch it now before it crashes\n          Leaving us in streaks and flashes\n              Hurry up it's dropping fast\n    You cant loose this memory, or you'll loose your past\n                  And your past is you\n       And if you don't know you...what will you do
119063
Candy, I really do like it;  it is thought full, you have good insight! Keep up the good work!! Just one word misspelled?\n  Line 7 (learned)?
253270
Hey, I am so sorry that I didnt write a poem. I cant write poems very good. LOL. But I just wanted to tell you how good that poem is.I love reading poems about what others went through, and this is the best one yet! I hope everything works out between you and your ex.
252143
I think it is good because it is graphic, shows details that can be visualized and which belong to each other; the only jarring element is 'the innermost part of our souls' because there you have left your own pictures and, although not deliberately, used a cliché.\nYour poem is much better than the one that follows oin one of the answers - by far.
579397
It's not really an encouragement poem... but it is about someone going off to fight. \n=================\nA Thousand Words\n\nI know that you're hiding things\nUsing gentle words to shelter me\nYour words were like a dream\nBut dreams could never fool me\nNot that easily\n\nI acted so distant then\nDidn't say goodbye before you left\nBut I was listening\nYou'll fight your battles far from me\nFar too easily\n\n"Save your tears cause I'll come back"\nI could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door\nBut still I swore to hide the pain \n\nWhen I turn back the pages\nShouting might have been the answer\nWhat if I'd cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart\nBut now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart\n\nThough a thousand words\nHave never been spoken\nThey'll fly to you\nCrossing over the time and distance holding you\nSuspended on silver wings\n\nAnd a thousand words\nOne thousand confessions\nWill cradle you\nMaking all of the pain you feel seem far away\nThey'll hold you forever\n\nThe dream isn't over yet\nThough I often say I can forget\nI still relive that day\nYou've been there with me all the way\nI still hear you say,\n\n"Wait for me I'll write you letters"\nI could see how you stammered with your eyes to the floor\nBut still I swore to hide the doubt\n\nWhen I turn back the pages\nAnger might have been the answer\nWhat if I'd hung my head and said that I couldn't wait\nBut now I'm strong enough to know it's not too late\n\nCause a thousand words\nCall out through the ages\nThey'll fly to you\nEven though we can't see I know they're reaching you\nSuspended on silver wings\n\nOh a thousand words\nOne thousand embraces\nWill cradle you\nMaking all of your weary days seem far away\nThey'll hold you forever\n\nOh a thousand words\nHave never been spoken\nThey'll fly to you\nThey'll carry you home and back into my arms\nSuspended on silver wings ohhh\n\nAnd a thousand words\nCall out through the ages\nThey'll cradle you\nTurning all of the lonely years to only days\nThey'll hold you forever
435847
Oh Yes ! Fully agreed ! My mind needs a Dry Cleaning or needs to be sent to Laundry !! It has become very dirty....especially after reading your poetry , except for the last stanza !!! You call it a Naughty ? I must say it was an erotic One !!!  Ha Ha Ha ....Nice one....Quite imaginative ! I liked it !
106698
i made this up just for your question.\nso please let me know what you think.\nConsequences...\n\nLife free as a bird\nor as a dog in a cage\nthe result becomes clear\nthe more that we age\n\nmaybe they're wrong\nmaybe they're right\nthese choices we make\nevery day and every night\n\nConsequences are there\nweither they're good or bad\nwe made the choice\nis the result happy or sad\n\nremember this please\nin the mind's book\nconsequences happen\njust take a look
516026
Very nice Jennifer. Every person who writes poetry or song took the time to write something about that tragic day, probably as a way to alleviate the grief we all shared. My daughters and I wrote a song that day. I hope your writing has helped you through and thanks for sharing it with us.
255811
Good use of symbols. I like how line 2 fits with the last two lines, it brings unity to the poem. Towards the end I think I got a little bit of a glimpse of what the poem might be about, but ultimately I feel like the message is hidden from me. It seems the third- and fourth-to-last lines are the culmination of the poem; is it possible to reword some of the earlier lines so as the reader can share what you're feeling when they reach the end?\n\nRegarding parenthesis: as long as you know what they mean then they're fine.
97853
Robin_Thor has a good understanding about this literary giant and this is to let him know that we appreciate a good effort. \nWell itsamystery, hopefully you are rested up from your Spring Break because if this is an assignment that needs to be turned in I am afraid that you have some work to do.\nIn gratitude to you for your question I will answer you with 'my start' into this work which if not for your question I would still be outside on the patio.  \n\nHere goes a swell beginning:\n\n.\n\nWhy, Death Be Not Proud\nIn “Death Be Not Proud” the protagonist literary presenters are chosen teenagers for the reasons that the importance of this poem is to have a definite and positive impact on younger students and young adults alike across the world.  For it serves as guide for the confrontatious attitudes necessary in the face of, emotional, physical and spiritual adversity.  To forge a better social function among us that will inevitably present to our younger generations. These are all here and within this poem and which all support the theme of this magnificent writing.  In  “Death Be Not Proud” is found a generational social cohesiveness that is necessary for a functional society’s survival, and which is so well prayed by John Gunther’s 1947 memoirs.  \nIt is a penned offering intellectually and emotionally secured as a memoir to his son whose ultimate youthful death by a brain tumor at the age of seventeen is eminent. Gunther draws from his heart and from John Dunne’s 17th century “The Holy Sonnets: X” in producing this writing.  It is a poem, in which Gunther argues that ‘death should take no pride in what it does, as it is ultimately powerless to prevent the resurrection of all humanity.’ It can be presented at a literary discourse for educational purpose or as a play on a stage.  \n“Death be not proud, though some have called thee / mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,\nFor those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow,\nDie not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.\nFrom rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,\nMuch pleasure:  then from thee much more must flow,\nAnd soonest our best men with thee do go,\nRest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.\nThou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,\nAnd dost with poison, war and sickness dwell;\nAnd Poppy or charms can make us sleep as well\nAnd better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then? \nOne short sleep past, we wake eternally,\nAnd death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.     John Donne\nIt is a versified oratory free-verse poem with melodic tone, chant, and supple plea/defiant texture composed about young Johnny Gunther.  About his attitudes and strife for living in the face of a natural and inevitable defeat.  It is the presentation of the life of Johnny’s family and their recourse to every medical possibility known at the time, taken from an elegy of a long time past, converted from a poem of love and not a poem of mourning. And even unto an eternal spiritual search for the healing of the body, of the mind, and of the spirit of their son by John Gunther and his wife.  About their tessellated forms draught from their experiential abilities within such frames of human suffrage.  In explicit honesty are laid bare the pains and struggles of a family trying to delay the ultimate inevitable end for a son that is as brilliant as Johnny.  From the radical surgeries to strictly controlled diets in endless effort to save his life by a determined harmonious familial union in the face of adversarial reality as they live on for life’s sake. All while in defiance of any honor attributable by mere mortals to death’s demands. \n\nhttp://www.cs.rice.edu/ ssiyer/minstrels/poems/796.html  \n\n\nJose
203769
Being a poet myself, I have to say it's a good poem, but what it's saying is you are not really dealing with the pain and hurt too well. My heart goes out to you. I hurt for you, and also, identify with you. I'm compiling a book of my poems, called "Pain On Paper". The poetry for us is a release of our pain...........keep on writing! You're doing good! Talk to somebody though, a friend, a counselor.......\nSOMEBODY! Get the pain out!!
69890
holy crap this is strong!\nlast line is the best. \nclearly you are writing with FEELING and I love that.\ntitle it and send it in some time to a contest.\n\nI simply feel the power in this thing!\nit had me look away in sorrow because i know someone that was bullied to death. IF it helps, you need to talk about you feelings. get help. It doesnt have to be face to face, maybe talk to someone on the phone or by email. But yeah.\n\nI also think that you could have ended at the line " I swear I saw blood" and that the other stuff could be a poem all by itself. OR you could have two separate poems that are meant to be read together like " poem1 and poem2".\n\nthis is amazing.Just write with feeling.See, doenst writing with feeling feel better?
617150
Aw i like it. its nice...you should submit it on poetry.com
91202
I'm sorry to hear about you friend. Here's a nice one I've read:\n\nIf tears could build a stairway,\nAnd memories a lane,\nI'd walk right up to heaven\nAnd bring you home again.\n\nHere's another one:\n\nThey say memories are golden. Well, maybe that's true. \nI never wanted memories. I only wanted you. \nA million times I needed you, A million times I cried. \nIf love alone could have saved you, \nYou never would have died. \n\nIn life I loved you dearly, In death, I love you still. \nIn my heart, you hold a place no one could ever fill. \nIf tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane, \nI'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again. \nOur family chain is broken and nothing seems the same. \nBut as God calls us, one by one, the chain will link again. \n\nNo farewell words were spoken, no time to say "goodbye", \nYou were gone before we knew it and only God knows why. \nOur heart still aches in sadness and secret tears still flow. \nWhat it meant to lose you no one will ever know. \n\nSome people only dream of angels.....but we held one in our arms. \nWe love and miss you very much and can't wait till we can see you again\n\nI know the second one is long so you can just choose a few lines from it if you want.
94612
the poem is very good!!!
366332
Awesome poem! I like the way it flows, and how you put feeling into the poem. Kick-A**-Tic. Let me know if you write any more. ROCK ON!!
106948
Wow, very beautiful and powerful.  I particularly love the first 3 lines as well as the lines about sending peace and love, but little hate or envy.  \n\nKeep on writing!  :)
252795
Sorry\n\n\nSorry for things I said, some words harsh and unfair,\nSorry that I took you for granted, saying I didn’t care.\nSorry for the heartache that caused undue pain,\nSorry that I yelled and that you couldn’t do the same.\nSorry for all the waiting and wasting of your time,\nSorry I said you weren’t worth it, I sort of lost my mind.\nSorry for mistaking something I perceived as true,\nSorry if you don’t understand the dumb things I do.\nSorry that I didn’t give us a chance to work through all this stuff,\nSorry if what I said about your family was way too rough.\nSorry if you can’t find the time to fit me into your life,\nSorry for what I said, it just wasn’t right.\nSorry if sometimes I seem to get in your way,\nSorry if I didn’t say the things you wanted me to say.\nSorry if I didn’t measure up to what you wanted me to be,\nSorry if I can’t be enough to make you just want me.\nSorry but talking to you is more than I can bear,\nSorry for not telling you sooner that I really still do care.\nSorry for apologizing but I don’t know what else to do,\nBut I don’t want to end up saying sorry again, if my life doesn’t include you.