I am married to a man that I thought was everything I wanted in the beginning of our relationship. He's tall, handsome, fun to be with, responsible, hard working but he doesn't tell me he loves me or is very affectionate and I am.  We've only been married a few months and I have already found him sending another woman emails, I found out he had a child he never sees, and in the first couple of months of our marriage he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me or get back with his ex. He has hurt me over and over.  When I found out I had gotten pregnant he was very upset and told me we couldn't have it. I'm not happy at all but I do love him and I know this relationship is not a good one. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this and would appreciate any advice.
120744
WOW!!  I can so relate and can feel and understand the confusion and not knowing how to walk away from what you truly love, and believed was everything you had been looking for...  I wish I could tell you what the "right" thing to do is, but I would be a hypicite.  I know from the outside looking in that the self respecting and having love for yourself firstmost, would be to cut your losses and see him for the person he really is and not the person you're in love w/ that you THOUGHT he was.  To even consider waiting around for a man to deciede if he rather have you or an x is INSANE!!!  I know this in my mind, yet I have allowed myself to give up all my self respect and dignity for 6 months waiting for my so called "fiance" to decied between me & his x wife of 20 years.  In the past 6 months he has went back and forth 5xs! I also describe my guy exactly how you did yours, but I was wrong that isnt who he is.  I allowed to waiy and let him struggle w/ his indiscion tuntil I had no self respect left for myself & became willing to settle for him any way I could.  That's not what love and foorever is supposed to feel like.  Don't allow yourself to dig yourself into that hole because its a hard 1 to climb out of.  If he is'nt 1000% sure that u r the only one he will ever want, he is'nt worthy of you!  Don't sell yourself short.The loneliest place in the world is laying next to somone who doesnt love you any more, & 1 sided love is hell you deserve heavenly bliss- settle for nothing less.  My man walked out w/o a word and back 2 her 2 days ago, we finally spoke on the phone today and as much as I love who i thought he was I finally decieded i cant stand who he is.  Doesnt stop the hurt or build back my self esteeme i got alot of work to do to get over it...But this time I really believe he does want her mor than me , but why the hell would i ever let a man make that kind of descion i should have given him no more choice in at the 1rst slightest sign of comparing or weighing me against somone else.  Live and learn.  I*t is the hardest most painful 1 i have had to go thru, and hearring your ? i had 2 respond and share my understanding and expierence in hopes you won't allow yours to go on as long or as deep as I did.  Good luck, and ultimatly only u know what's right for u and only u have 2 live w/ the decision.  If i could leave u w/ 1 bit of wisdom it would be the man has to live up to your dreams, dont never settle for less than u have always wanted and deserve.  mr right is out there for us but we gotta get our mr wrongs out of the way!!!
50681
Maybe he ...\n\n.. doesn't want to hear all sort of opinions about it from your close friends / family\n\n.. is afraid they will not accept you and he wants to let them know after you get married and there's nothing to do about it anymore\n\n.. he doesn't actualy love you and he doesn't want to tell them couse he's unsure of your relationship and still lookin'..\n\n.. he thinks you are bad for his image/reputation but he loves you so he just keeps you as a secret\n\n... or another 10 million reasons.. :P
251054
I dont think that sounds normal no! I am very shy person ex. they had to cut my underwear off to give birth to my daughter. lol (i can see the funny side of it now)\n\nMy first relationship was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. I still have bad memories of that! It still affects me even till today! ex if someone walks towards me and moves suddenly I cringe!\n\nI have another partner now who is wonderful. Hes been my best friend for years. I am not use to being treated like a queen. He showers me with gifts and tells me a hundred times a day he loves me. At first I was embarassed and didnt know what to answer him. He perservered! Now I am proud and have no problem in telling him I love him in front of anyone! My friends wish they had him for a partner because hes such a beautiful person. They actually envy me! lol\n\nThis woman is your wife! Did she have trouble saying yes I love you (I do) in the wedding ceremony?? I think not. Obviously because yous are married!\n\nI seriously think she has no excuse for this other than maybe some of her so called friends are male and dont know about you ;) or that her feelings for you might not be as genuine and she tells you at home to shut you up. Sorry this might not be something you want to hear!\n\nI think your best bet is to ask her straight out and ask her to promise you to be totally honest with you!\n\nGood Luck with everything!
213752
If you get with this guy, I'm afraid he will disappoint you. How can you feel comfortable with someone who obviously has lied to you, do not respect his vows, turning his back on his kids, and deny or acknowledge his children's existence to you? What he is doing to wife, he is going to do to you once he gets bored. People show us who they truly are and sometimes we dismiss it because of the false picture of them or we depend too much for a guy to make us happy instead of making ourselves happy. You need to work on your self esteem if you think this is and will lead to a good relationship. You are worth more than being deceived and second choice.
121812
I married the perfect guy, but I still feel something for the man I was suposed to marry. I've contact him after 11 yrs and he is still mad at me, besides we have an ocean between us, and I dont want to leave my hubby! wilmary69@yahoo.com
177157
You know, I'm really proud of you because you know what true love is, eventhough you were hurt, you still love the person and want to be with him. The first you should do is to know what the root of the problem is, try to find out what caused your husband to find someone else and cheat on you. When this things happen, we should not always think that your partner is the problem eventhough it is their fault most of the time, let's try not to be bias, let us look at orselves, ask yourself "Is there a problem with me?", or "Am I giving enough time and attention to him?" These questions will really help you examine your own self and discover some of your negative sides. But don't compare yourself to the woman he's seeing right now because all of us are different and its not a good attitude to compare yourself with others because it develops insecurities. After that, try to talk to him and prove him how you love him so much, be honest and make sure will be able to tell him all that you feel. Let him realize that it will be better that your children will grow-up seeing you together because their primary need is not money, food, good house, but a whole and happy FAMILY... Goodluck to you...
201361
I would have a serious conversation with him. It would be a shame to wait another 5 years just to hear again what you're hearing now. Why doesn't he want to marry you? I would think that the prospect of marrying the person you love would make you work harder towards your goals if you know that you will be married after. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If marriage and children are important to you then he needs to know. He may just be nervous about commitment, but if he really loves you he will need to face that fear. Im sorry but if he doesnt feel the same way then you need to move on. I know that will be painful but its better than wasting the next 5+ years of your life hoping he will change. If he agrees to marry you, make sure its really what he wants. You will be miserableif he married you because he felt he had no choice. Best of luck.
292947
There is no guarantees in life and love. The only thing that will make it work is trust, honesty and very open communication. you have to go into the marriage with open eyes knowing that sometimes you may not agree and that there will be problems, It won't all be peaches and cream. The problem that I can see here is the lies about small things, If one is lying about the small things you could only assume that it would definately happen with the giant ones also. Your reaction to the small things could make or break whether he would feel comfortable with telling you the truth,  If you talk it out show him your hurt by it but that those things that he lied about aren't going to hurt your relationship if he had told you the truth I think that maybe he would possibly not fear the truth. If you freak out and threaten the relationship I'm pretty sure the problem would get worse.  also a relationship can't work if both aren't working on it, I've seen many relationships with one party saying I want to work it out but the others heart isn't really into it.
159642
He never mentioned it to you even when you have been going out for five weeks with him. Did he tell you himself, or did you just had a chance to find out ? If he told you himself, probably he was scared that you would get to know or probably like you said he didnt want to lose you. If you found out by yourself, then he has other things he may not be telling you, like the baby's mother ? legal implications ? his commitments ? Either way, lets give him a benefit of doubt that....probably he does love u a lot and worried of losing you, but he cannot hide issues serious as this from you. It is better you confront him now and ask him all issues related to the baby, and any other facts that you should be knowing. I feel he would open up and tell you everything if he is sincere to you. And when he does that, I think he should be given a chance. Everyone goes through some issues in life or the other. Probably things didnt work out for him, and now he has you, so give him a chance..and accept him the way he is, ofcourse only after your heart tells you that once you know the issues yourself. But if he turns out to be a big bundle of lies..then you know what to do !!\n\ngood luck !
252913
it sounds like it..just talk to him about whats going on...ur married and i hope everything works out..congrats on the new baby
88663
At times a good conversation about hopes and dreams is in order. What do both parties want out of the relationship. Are both parties happy? A younger child can bring added pressures and it affected me also for awhile. I found myself doing many of the same things for a few months. I was in a total culture shock and didn't know how to handle the situation. I am now still there for my wife and its lasted 5 good years and counting. I am now myself again and love the family life. I guess at times it takes som getting used to and others it doesnt work out for people. The situation needs to be addresses because it is unhealthy for both parties. You have needs and so does he. You all need to work things out or split apart and find happiness.
575181
I think you and hubby need to have an open, honest heart to heart. When he complains about your "cool" behavior tell him, it's easier for you to be more attentive and affectionate when he is treating you with the same loving care. It is possible that he has some under lying problems that he needs to talk about, there may be some changes that he is looking for in the relationship....Just go to him and listen with an open mind. Find out what both of you are missing from the relationship, and make good effort to be sure to do those things...spend some one on one time with each other, doing things you both enjoy, maybe even discover a new hobby together....enjoy loving each other again. We all hit rough patches in our marriages, we just have to work through them.\nGood Luck....you can email me if you need someone to talk to .\n\n\n**** wanted to add after seeing all the cheating answers that yes, they might be a possibility, but I think there would be other signs if that were going on....and This type of behavior doesn't always equal cheating!! Like I said he might just want a little change in the relatioship, or have other problems he needs to work out or talk about.  **** DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS that could make matters worse, but keep your eyes open. ****
292410
Give him time. Do you know his work schedule and what it is like. He may have checked the email and just not had time to respond to it. Maybe he is gathering his thoughts of what he may want to say to you. Sometimes it is harder for men to express their feelings because they don't want to seem like a pushover, or move to fast. I would wait and give him another day or so. I know that it can be hard when you are filled with anticipation. In the end, follow your heart for you are the only one who knows what makes you truly happy.......Best of luck to you
164169
I hope that you are very careful with what you are doing with this guy.  Remember that you are married and you may lack a certain thing in your marriage which will be better work out with your husband.  I understand that it is kind of nice to have someone interested in your despite you are married but why are you dragging him on?  Will you be happy to divorce your husband because this guy sweet talk to you?  Are you sure that you will have a better future with this man than your current husband.  I suggest that you spend more time with your husband and rediscover him then talking to this guy, unless you have no hope in your marriage!  Good Luck!
175322
Really, cut your ties with this man, he's not a future for you. You continue to see this man and you will continue to get lied to and cheated on too. He doesn't know how to be honest or faithful. To love someone like that isn't really love. Your feelings for this man hon, isn't what you really think it is. I don't know you, but I see that your taking who ever says nice things to you. Shoot, I could feed you with all kinds of nice words, but doesn't mean I really mean it. I wouldn't even give a another second to this man. Let him and her work through their own problems. Take your loss now and bail out sweetie. It's not worth it. Staying on with this guy or telling his wife, what will you gain from it. The satisfaction of telling her. No, wrong! Maybe for a while but later down the road. hhhmmmm Trust in your self and move on. Good luck to you.
282068
youve only been going out for 3-4months over the phone i don no how long youve spent together not on the phone but its to soon. take it from my personal experience i was asked to marry someone after a week of noing him and he told me he wanted me to move with him it scared the crap out of me but i stayed with him. we had a long distant relationship for about ten months when three of them i heard nothing from him. he was in the army he left the army and about five months after spending time with him i feel pregnant i didnt no the true him until i feel pregnant cause he totally changed. i someone was to tell me that agian id tell them to go and get help. my daughter has never met er father and shes two and a half and will never get to meet him cause he was recently killed in a car accident.\n\nbut if its meant to be it will be but take it slow im not going to judge maybe she just wanted to see what your plans of a family are if it starts getting serious
113877
What does your heart tell you...also make sure your in love with him and not just his children or you just may end up being the baby sitter, if when you say he has 3 children, means they live with him.  Also beware of baggage, I don't consider the children baggage, thats part of the package, but the ex is another story...has he been divorced long?  Whats the child care arrangement?  does he pay alimony, child support and need your income?  Other than that if its a family your looking for...I would think he would be sincere in wanting a partner to complete his family.