Ok everyone i am 28/doctor i have been talking to this girl for a month now she is 21.very nice,caring,loving and beautiful inside and outside.i like her alot and i am looking for a longterm maybe marriage type of relationship but here is the problem she been married once and she have a son he is 2 very cute.she is not trashee type she have a nice job good education and intelligent.she is seprated from her husband from last 2yrs.and she is not even thinking of going back.should i ask her to file divorce and purpose her or should i let her go because she have a kid and been married once.other then that nothing is wrong in her.help me out dude.
129731
OK, you guy, I am not a boy, I am a girl, but I am answering your question because same thing happened to me,for the best and I think my answer might help a little...\n\nWhen I was 20 I had my child, (although I didn't get married) and 2 yrs later I met a really nice guy, he was 28 at that time, we began dating, I was really sure I didnt want to go back with the father, so, we dated for 2 yrs and then we got married, 8 yrs ago. \n\nHe's been the BEST father and husband, and I really think he is a great guy, just because to take care of a child that's not his is a great decision, a big step. We now have another one age 3!\n\nLots of people can say "dont get in trouble, get a single and only' one",  (they said that to my hb a lot!) but if you do love her there is nothing to question about. Just don't nag about the past, if it's what you really want, go for it.  Just propose, and obviously, if she says yes divorce and etc will come later. \n\nGood luck, dr!
650053
These girls dont know what there talking about. Ive been exactly where you are. I was 18 and I fell inlove with some 42. It sounds so bad. I know its not "normal" but its not wrong either. I dont feel like you should cheat on your husband even if you've asked for a divorce. I feel that you should wait until its completely over. If the older man trully has feelings for you then he will wait. I wish you the very best!
42702
It's true that by now she might be married, but who knows, she might still be single and thinking about you too. I think it's either love or maybe you just need to clear up your feelings for this girl. Sometimes the only way to do thid is to go to her and once you are there with her, and tell her how you feel, you will know. Go find her and clear things up with her. Hope this helps, and good luck!!! :0)
121492
Look this is the deal.. I understand you all have been best friends from some time and you just broke up. But she is getting married and there is really no reason you should interfere with this girl and her fiance... But I can tell you this if she is getting married to this guy and still attempting to keep ties with you. Well then it is obvious that she still cares for you. So knowing that you need to make sure that your not the reason that there marragies breaks up or does not last. And I belive you still have feelings for her as well so if your love is real then it can withstand what has been done. But this girl seems to mean to be unstable if she is planning to get married and then wanting to keep ties with you still. I mean she knows if she does this that she can have you and this guy. And then what she gets married and then later to you. I am sure this girl is sweet and kind but you need to protect your own heart...
355174
Here's our story...tell me what you think.\n\nWe originally met in 9th Grade, he was the new boy in school.  We became fast friends and soon became more than that.  We were inseperable, many crazy adventures and all that fun young love stuff.  We broke up just before the school year ended because of our friends...you know the only people you listen to when you are 15 years old.\n\nWe stayed friends over the years, going for coffe every month or so to catch up.  I had the travel bug so after high school I moved around a bit, when I was gone he met someone else and married her.  On one of my stops home I found out he had married this girl (who I knew & knew she was not a good person), I told him my concerns & in my heart I knew that if he said me wanted he back I'd go.  He didn't so I was off on my journeys again.\n\nWell when I was 31 I moved back to my home town.  As luck would have it we met up one night, he was still married to the girl but he had been living in his basement for the last 6 years and had little or nothing to do with his wife.  He was miserable. \n\nWe spent that night catching up, when it was time to go home he grabbed my hand and said he let me go once & he was never going to do that again.  He moved out the next day and we are now married and have a beautiful 3 year old little boy.  \n\nSo no, I don't worry about him leaving me for someone else.  I think it all depends on the situation, and the rest of the story.  People look for love outside of their relationships because there is usually something wrong within their current relationship.  Others are just really shallow and want a "trophy wife"...those relationships never work out.
9567
She could have been just struggling financially and looking for a sugar daddy. Or she might be serious about him, who knows. But even then they will be together for a while, but let's say in ten years she will still be young and he... not so much. She'll end up leaving him for a younger guy too, which will serve him right. Ethics professor my a**! I just hope you are not asking this question because you are considering taking him back after she dumps him. I assume, you are still young, so now is your chance to find someone who will respect and appreciate you. Let this jerk learn his lesson and hopefully he'll end up lonely and miserable, and you'll find a wonderful new man. Maybe look for someone who is a little older too. At least you'll know that you'll always be as young and beautiful as he can hope for:)
268808
sounds like a great guy. if you feel like you definatly want more then that give it a shot. i have been in your situation to the  point my parents even call him their surragate son and i'll tell you what he confessed how much he loved me after it was too late. now after marrying others and kids we will never be able to go back to that first innocent love we once had for each other.
108950
Question, how is her relationship with her husband? Are they going through tough times and divorcing? Does she really love him or just cares about him. Loving him and caring about him are totally different. Perhaps she meant that she cares about him (reason:length of the marriage, or if they have children), and if she told u that she loves you have you seen any confirmation of that love? I don't mean physically, cause if you want her 2 prove 2 u that she loves u by having a physical connection, and she's still working on her problems (and she could also be conservative for that matter) maybe u could give her time to sort things out. Be there to support her but be patient. It's tough to go through a separation or divorce, and it'll take time. But if you do really love and care about her, you'll be there for her, especially at this tough times in her life. Be frank and honest about your feelings, and keep your communication open. But keep a safe distance, it's better 2 wait till the coast is clear b4 u 2 get physical to prove ur love 4 each other..(meaning, wait 4 them 2 finish all the legality of the divorce) so that u won't get hurt. Keep your senses acute, talk 2 her 2 get her side. If I really care 4 that someone, I'd wait, if that person is really worth waiting 4. Great partners only comes like a Haley's comet...if u know what I mean. But once u weigh everything and sense that your relationship isn't going anywhere then it'll be time 2 move on.
586351
First, Darlin', know that she wants 2 things. One, to be valuable, and two, she really is trying (in her own way) to look out for you. My son (Ian) and I just had this conversation yesterday. He (Ian) is almost 28 now and we were talking about Mike, his brother (they are twins) who got engaged at 20 to a woman 7 years older than he was. At the time I told his brother that he was too young and inexperienced to be ruling out his options, and that marring a woman that did have experience would mean that he would never win an argument with her or be equal in the relationship. He (Mike) thought I was raining on his parade. Yesterday his brother (Ian) and I were talking about how it is so hard to shut your mouth when you have had years of experience and know what your children don't. Ian was saying that he wished that his brother (who is now married with a small child) had listened, and that he can now really understand how frustrating it is for a parent to have experience and want to protect their child. \n\nIt is really hard on your mom for you to grow up. She is afraid that you won't need her anymore and she is trying to prove her worth by giving advice, a little too enthusiastic, I agree, but still, try to keep where she's coming from in mind. So, why don't you try this. The next time you are expressing a thought and she cuts you off, say "wait just a second, Mom. I really want to know what you think and I want to make sure you have all my thoughts before you give me yours, that way you will have all the information and I won't have to interrupt you." Try it and let me know if it works. If it doesn't, I can think of a couple of other tactics. \nGood luck!
525475
Like I said in your previous q's, it is pretty stupid.  If you were going to get a divorce anyway then why didn't you get a divorce first before going back into the dating scene?  The reason I said to divorce first is to avoid the very complication you are in now, which, as you stated, your wife wants to get back with you.  \n\nAlso, keep in mind that you are not being fair to the person you're seeing.  You are dragging her into your drama.   If you want to date other people you should start with a clean slate.  Divorce first.
470830
Well firstly, I dont believe anyone can drag anyone away unless they want to go.  He has a mind of his own and while this woman (well shes more of a girl than a woman) may attract him, he can still make choices.  She is only 18, she has a lot of growing up to do.  She really wouldnt know a lot about love because she is just starting out on her life's journey.  \n\nIf you want my honest opinion, I cant see it lasting with this girl.  He has 4 children and they wont go away.  He has responsibilities and I think it will only be time before she will tire of it all and want to be an 18 year old, going out with boyfriends and having a good time.  \n\nI think you have every reason to be scared about being on your own.  Four children is a big responsibility and to raise them on your own is a huge task.  That doesnt mean it cant be done,  it just makes it harder.  Let me ask you this though.  If the girl tires of your husband and he decides to stay in the marriage, how would you feel?  Everytime he went out you would be wondering who he was with.  Everytime he was home with you, you would be wondering if he was with you out of responsibility or love.\n\nHow do you think it would affect your confidence? I know if it was me, I would prefer to go it alone than have a man who I couldnt trust.  It is heartbreaking to find the man you love is in love with someone else.\n\nI dont think the question is will it last between your husband and this young girl,  I think the real question you should be asking is, could you live with yourself happily, knowing he was in love with someone else.  You would never know if he was thinking about her.  He could even be imagining it is her, not you he is making love to.  You would be forever wondering.\n\nIf your marriage has any chance of making it, he needs to get rid of her totally.  But how would you really know?  He was seeing her secretly when you thought it was over with them, so seriously, you wouldnt feel too wonderful about yourself.\n\nMarriages break down all the time, it hurts like hell and you never think you will get over it.  Believe me you do.  When my marriage split I was absolutely devestated.  I never thought I could ever love any man ever again.  I was still totally in love with him when we separated and even when we divorced I was still in love with him. I had 3 young children at the time too, so it wasnt easy.\n\nTime was my only friend.  It is not a cliche.  It has been 10 years since our divorce and I no longer love him, I dont hate him either, as a matter of fact I dont feel anything for him at all.  I did, however, go through a lot of ups and downs and the only thing that really saved my sanity was myself.  It was only when I said to myself, enough is enough did things start to change.  I started to see myself as an important person.  I started to do things that made me feel competent and confident.  I got a job, I did a course...well several courses. I pampered myself, lost some weight and was really liking what was staring back at me in the mirror.  I started to hang around with positive people...people who were always ready to build me up, not bring me down.  You are in the early stages yet, but believe me...there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You do have the strength to get through this, and for you and your kids sake, you need to take every ounze of pride you have and let your husband know you are not prepared to come second to anyone.  \n\nI really believe it will not last with this young girl,  but lets hope by then you will have found enough strength and self confidence for when he comes begging for you to take him back that you will look at him and say...."You had your chance...you made your bed, now you have to lie in it".  There is a perfect man for you out there somewhere...just waiting.  It happens.  You will not always love your husband this way.  Time will make it get better and better until one day you will wonder how you could have ever loved h
123203
I would respect her for the person that she is and be a good friend to her and not take her where shes not ready to go yet. I wouldnt want to taint whats left of her childish wonder and innocents, or whats left of it. I would do everything possible to let her know you think shes a amazing person but yet keep healthy boundries, what would her parents do if you crossed that line? Probably bannish you from ever seeing her again. At this point i would stay close to her, but not close enough to touch, she has alot of growing up to do before shes ready for the kind of relationship your ready for. Just let her know that you care and she can come to you with all of her problems. But make sure you dont create any problems for her by showing her how you feel completely. I know its a complex situation, but you can handle your feelings being trapped inside for a few years that what she can handle knowing how you feel and not being able to act on them, at least with out any serious consequences. I hope it all works out for you in the long run, but make sure you stay far away from romance for another 5 years or so :) for both of your interests, but by all means be a good positive influacne for her journey threw adolecance, it can be a rocky road :)
462714
Yea I think you should, I don't know how old you are, but it seems that he might not be ready for a commitment. and if you ask a question if you should just move on, you most likely should. good luck
421135
Obviously there were some serious problems in your marriage.  Seeing as how she's now your ex-wife, you're asking this question a little late, and asking if of the wrong people.  You should've asked her.  If you have a good relationship with her, you might try to get it out of her one day, maybe she'll tell you what happened with her in your relationship.  If I were to bet on it, I'd bet you took her for granted, you stopped courting her.  She felt like you didn't care about her anymore, so she went out and found someone who does.  I'm not condoning her actions, because I firmly believe that marriage is a lifelong committment, and you fix the problems in the marriage, and divorce really isn't an option.  But obviously you weren't giving her what she needed in your relationship.  Sorry......You probably need to just move on with your life.
200018
Thanks for making that clear for me, I was going to ask you out.\n\nBut seriously folks, you have to understand that people do not plan on getting divorced when they get married.  I sure didn't.  When my wife left me, she left me with two children to raise.  Did I grow up and dream of being a single father, no, but it is the situation that I find myself in.  That being said, There is still a lot of love left inside my heart for another person.  And I don't feel that I am alone on this one.  To say that you would not go out with someone that is divorced is cutting your self short and loosing out on the opportunity of someone that has already been through heart ache and really understands what having a good relationship means.\n\nGood luck on your search for the pure ones on this planet, it will be a very long search.
153843
I'm sure leaving her alone isn't the answer you're looking to get, but continue to be her friend, and if she wants to talk, be there to listen to her. I wouldn't push the issue any further regarding her getting divorced, or the two of you getting together. Just hang in there and see how things progress on things going on in her life.
621186
I understand what you mean.All I can say is that if he's as great as he sounds go for it!Or if you're just too afraid of losing him as a friend just keep it cool.Definitely don't do anything until the divorces are entirely and completely over.As for him being 14 years older when it comes to love it comes in all diff. ages,sizes,races, and everything.Age is nothing but a number unless you're a minor,but you re married so I know you're not.I say just take the risk after all people don't stay forever.You never know what tomorrow holds.GOOD LUCK!!