My boyfriend and I live in IB. Today he found out that he will be leaving for Iraq in 8 days unless something changes and, this being my first time in CA, I am very apprehensive about living here alone for a year. Even more terrifying is the thought of having something happen and not knowing anyone or getting a terrifying roommate that I cant get rid of. Even if he can avoid going overseas, we're still considering finding someone. Where do I look for a freindly roommate that wont become a future problem I have to deal with? Should I even try and take the risk of winding up with a stalker or worse? How do you go about making a friend with 'roomie' potential?
122730
Hi, I live in San Diego also and am not originally from here. To answer your question I'm afraid there really is no guaranteed way of finding a safe roommate, there are a lot of nuts out here. I can make a few suggestions though. My first one would be to get a female roommate while your boyfriend is away and make sure you do a thorough interview and background check. You can do that by having her submit an application where they do that and they will then let you know the results. They range in prices but I think they are reasonably inexpensive and well worth it. I would also check the last adresses they lived at. You really don't want a party animal living with you because that means there are strange people coming in and out of your place and you don't want that. A student who is serious about her studies may be a good choice for you or a mature person. Another thing I'd like to mention is that you may want to also have your boyfriend with you during the interview just so you both can get an idea of what you think of the person. I wouldn't worry so much about the person being crazy as I would them not being able to pay the rent. And just an FYI, you don't have to live in IB. You should also consider another area like La Mesa, Santee, Point Loma, Poway, some parts of El Cajon, Mira Mesa, those are all nice areas and some more desirable than IB. I wish you the best of luck. I know what it's like to be alone out here but there are some nice people out here. Just trust your intuition and use common sense.
350159
Its an extra bonus if a room mate can do all the right things like pay rent on time and be clean and considerate etc but if you can enjoy each others company, make friends and go out some places together that's great but most times I haven't wanted to get too close to anyone I share a house with. I like to be friendly but not live in each others pockets... I can be pretty private when I want to be and if I live too closely with someone I'm not in a relationship with that can become difficult... remember familiarity can breed contempt.
314807
I do that too.  When my roommate was out of town, I had to check everywhere - Under the bed, in the shower, in the closet... just to make sure I was the only one in the apartment.  But there is a point where you go overboard.  You can't always be afraid, but a girl has got to be careful these days!  Maybe talking to a couselor would make you feel more secure.  Or take a self-defense class.  I did and now I feel like if I DID find someone hiding in my apartment I could kick thier butt!
626087
I check the list from time to time - but I know I'll hear about the people I'm looking for from friends before I see them on the net.\n\nBest way to support? Be strong, send care packages, letters, take advantage of video conferencing if your base has a program. My dad and I went in and bought my uncle a spare bullet proof vest, in case he misplaced his - crazy I know, but you never know.\n\nLean like hell on your family and troop support groups. Stay busy, don't read to much news. Alot of it is bad news that looks alot worse then it is.\n\nKeep the faith.
21224
Generally speaking, "moving in together" is a huge step.  And it hardly ever works when a total stranger picks up and moves in to your home "just to move in". If you are questioning what you should do, I think you are getting strange vibes from this guy.  He could be blowing hot air and just saying that he wants to come and see you. But it seems unusual that he's discussing moving in with you so early in your acquaintance.  If I were you I would let him know exactly how you feel. And if it comes down to it, I'd stop talking to him.
299061
I have been in this situation before.  1. you really need to stay out of it.  2.  make a list of all of reasons bad roomy should leave.  3.  the roommate that gets kicked out deserves the better half on the items so it will all go smoothly.\nThe reason you should stay out of it is your probably going to come off as being pushy and will more than likely cause disagreement between you and your bf.
404731
You don't have to be good friends to be roomates.  Since the friendship is not working out, plan on going your own way.  Don't expect her to invite you to places and don't tag along.  Find your own friends and spend time with them.  When you need to be alone, leave the room.  Take a walk outside, or go to another friend's room for a while.  \n\nIn order to make things more tollerable, sit down with her and discuss some ground rules.  You will have to compromise on some things.  Maybe no naked guys in the room would be a good rule.  I'm sure there are rules for the dorm about guys and girls mixing.  Review those rules with her.   Try writing out a contract that both of you will sign.\n\nAbove all else, realize that you are roomates and that doesn't mean you have to be best friends.  When I was in college, I didn't socialize with my roomates at all outside of the room.  I do have to admit that they were much more respectful than your roomate is so life was a lot easier.
421834
Get company....where ever you go.....never be alone......get protective weapons if possible for self defense.......
229161
Only you can answer if it is the right place for you to live. I think your scared because you have been living with someone for 6 years and you are not stepping out on your own. Its a scary thing. Good Luck!
415860
who are you kidding!! Kansas is HOT you know that you will have to run the AC all of the time!! Id call the company and ask. and then I would give moving in with a roommate a second thought, they all are hard to get a long with. No matter how BFF you are. Just keep it in mind have ground rules and stick to them. In all the years I have been at apartments I have only seen very few work out... \n\nGood luck!
523597
Well, first of all congrats on finding each other again. \nYou can never do to much for him while he is over there. My husband, is over there also but he is in the Army. He has been gone for 8 months and he has to serve 18months there. Keep on what your doing. That is what keeps those guy's going. Knowing, that they have someone back at home caring for them thinking about them and waiting for them to come home. There going to fight there hardest so they can get home sooner to be with that person. So, Hun you are doing everything right. Your not over doing yourself. Keep sending lots of pictures, spray your perfume on them so he can smell you so he can think at night your right by his side. Send him little packages with cookies and little things that he can keep with him to remind him of you.  So, best of luck to you Hun and your boyfriend.
289822
I was there. So just listen. Try your best to stay quiet and not cause problems. You will go pretty much UNNOTICED. That is what you want. There are two kinds of attention. The guys who are all gung-ho and know everything, and those who are just retarded and are always screwing up. Don't let yourself fall into either category. The know-it-alls will get crushed by the NCO's becuase they HATE smartasses. Just keep your mouth shut for the first three weeks and I promise you will come out WAY ahead. I am talking top of the class. That is the secret. I was a Drill for 6 rotations and I am telling you that is where you will get your respect. Do what you are told with a smile on your face and your mouth shut. You will be left alone by week 4, while everyone else will still be getting "picked on". Just remember, there is NEVER an accident. Everything is planned. We have P.T already scheduled, but we go into the barracks and find a problem, then we blame that person for the extra work. Its not extra. It is planned. It is for your own good. Noone is there to hurt you or let you fail. Do what they say, it will pass by in a flash. Do it your own way, and it will be one long, miserable stay.
22101
evilyn's response is the close to being correct but not entirely.\n\nThe law MAY vary from state to state, but I am nearly certain she can move out whenever she wants.  If she decides to find you a new roommate, unless the person has a 'bad record', you really have no choice but to accept the replacement roommate (assuming the apartment manager authorizes the replacement as well--the apartment manager doesn't have to, and could instead throw both of you out).  \n\nIf she moves out without finding you a replacement, she is responsible for her share of the rent for the time it takes you to find a new roommate (or until the experation of the lease--whichever is sooner).\n\nHowever, if you decide not to look for a new roommate and hold her responsible for the lease, that simply will not 'fly' in court.  You have a duty to minimize your losses, which means a judge would not award you her share of the rent for the full term.\n\nIf she moves out without finding you a new roommate, make sure you put ads in the newspaper, keeping records showing you have made an honest effort to find a new roommate.  That way, if you can't find a replacement but can show a paper trail of your efforts, she will be liable for her portion of the rent for the entire duration of the lease.... and you get to live alone.
425080
My husband has been to Iraq twice, the first time for 15 months and the second for 10. He leaves again next summer for another year. The thing that helps me the most is being around other military spouses and families, because they know what I am going through (and don't ask annoying questions like "how do you do it" or "what would you do if he died" or say things like "I could never do that, it must be so hard waiting on him.") I know that being around military families may not be an option since you may not live in the town with him. The first deployment we weren't married yet and I lived in a non-military area. It was different but I was able to find a couple of people (reservists wives, etc) that were going through the same thing. If you can't find someone to hang out with, try an online support group, Yahoo Groups has a lot of them for military girlfriends/fiancees.I also do my best to stay busy, which for me has meant going to school full time. I am graduating soon, and I am planning on doing a lot of volunteer work and staying home with our baby on this next deployment. Anything that will keep you busy and keep your mind off of it as much as possible is a good thing. I also recommend writing to him as much as you can, every day if possible. I like to tell him about my day and "talk" about the kind of stuff we'd talk about if he were home for dinner. That way I don't feel like he's missed out on a whole year of my life. Mail - letters, pictures, packages - are always appreciated when they are deployed. \n\nI know it sucks, but after he has been gone for a little bit you will get into a routine. You will also learn what works for you and what doesn't. I found that the second deployment was easier because it wasn't such a new experience and it was easier for me to get into my "deployment routine." I have also found that if you wake up and tell yourself that it's going to be a good day, and don't allow yourself to do otherwise, you will feel a lot better. Good luck with his deployment and know that everything will be ok because you love each other. When he gets home all the pain and sadness will be worth it, I promise!
645139
I think that maybe at first it might be kind of hard for them to leave their friends,especially when they are teens.Because your not sure where your husbands duty station is gonna be.But once you find out you can call there and ask about what kind of activities they have on post for teens and get some kind of idea of whats going on there.I guess you know that you don't have to live on post if you don't want.But I also know that it is a relief knowing that all your bills are paid except your phone,cable,etc.The cost of living is high in alot of places and that makes it harder when you do live off post and your kids might enjoy that better.It might take some time but I think they will adjust and  they'll be okay.As for the deployments I guess I would have to say nobody is ever prepared for those and it all comes down to everyone has to support the other.Living day to day knowing your husband could leave for a year or so is never easy on anyone.I hope things work out for ya and the kids do okay.Have your husband keep checking his AKO and hopefully you will find out where your going so you can get prepared early.
309846
I think it is something that should have been talked about before coming roomates, if this is possible.  I think it is a shared space, and you each need to live with others ways of life and beliefs.  This would be a good way to learn one of lifes lessons.
649104
I'd suggest that you find a reason to talk to them. About anything. Even it's just "What's up?" Being roommates is usually awkward at first. At least it is for me. After a while it should get easier to initiate conversations. Try and keep the lines of communication open through the entire year.