My ex-girlfriend dumped me after being together for five years .she moved to london got married and got twins . She came to me lately and she wants me back. she's been divorced for 8 years and her children are 18 y/o. should i forgive her? She hasn't changed a bit in 20 years she looks as beautiful as she did before.
125026
Ok this kinda situation is not that rare... I can't tell you what to do, you'll have to decide that for yourself.  i would suggest thinking of how bad it hurt when she left.  Then how longit was before she called/ spole with you.  Its the little things in life that lead to the big picture.  Think of the little things in the past that made the relationship stronger and compare them to those that pushed you apart.  Asses the nature of the issues that came between you both.  Finally, know that the world is full of beautiful women, there's one around every turn.  Don't let the fact that they may not always be around blur your vision of what will make YOU happy.  Hope this helps,\nHang in there brotha'\nSean
84167
well i really dont think he deserves you are his children the only reason he wants you is because she dumped him.dont be his second choice you should have been his only choice if he did it once there is a chance he will do it again and hurt you and the children again you deserve better.YOU STILL LOVE HIM BUT LOVE YOUR SELF AND THE KIDS MORE NOT TO TAKE HIM BACK
53939
Hi.  I might be wrong, but I think most of the love/hate stuff is only in your head, you know.  I mean, it's not like you two have had an actual relationship in all those years, right?  So, I'm not saying you haven't really felt love and hate, only the person you've felt them for no longer exists.  You both grew apart a long time ago - if you were to meet again, you probably wouldn't even know each other anymore, you'd have to get to know her all over again to sort out your feelings.  And you might realize then that she's probably been that way (that would only be new to you) for a while and you couldn't possibly feel love or hate or both for her.\nOkay, I'm rambling.\nWhat to do?  Now that's a good question.  Honestly, I don't know.  I don't know how you get over your history.  But is this something that bothers you all the time?  Or are you just wondering how she's felt since then?
499355
I had a daughter from my marriage when I met my partner.  She was 3 years old when we met...at first he didn't really even know what to do with her, how to act around her.  But this last summer she moved out and left for college and he was just as sad when she left as I was....they are right it takes time, it takes a considerable ammount of time.\n\nAs for how you feel about her past - well we all have a past. Her's just comes with a name.
277378
F No leave his *** now like you should have been gone the first time.  Once a cheat always a cheat.  You should not forgive just move on by yourself.  They pain will not go away until you leave and move on.  Will you ever trust him again I hope not if you say several times they have cheated then they are not trust worthy and you are waisting your time and energy on something that will no matter what end, whether it is today or 10 years from now.  The question is how long do you want to make your self misrable?  They do not love you as much as they say they do, and yes you will have you ups and downs when you finally leave but just know it is not that hard to make it on your own as long as you keep trying.   I hope you do not have kids with this person because that should make it that much easier.  Do you want you son or daughter growing up thinking cheating is ok?  Come on now lets be realistic, by you asking IF you should leave and when is enough enough you already know the answer.  Good luck I hope you make the right choice!!
641717
Move out immediately. If she loves you, she will move with you. It isn't the ex that is the problem, it is your perception of him that is making a mess. It doesn't matter what she and her ex did, it is none of your business, just as your past is none of her business. Either take it or leave it. I live with my ex, and have a new love living with me...there are no problems in my household (that I am aware of, anyway).
471534
Age: 32 something\nPartners age: 43 years young\nYears or months married: First marriage = 7 years.  We had a two year divorce pause. Second Time Around = 2 years\nHow long have you known each other: 11 years\nKids: Step mom of two wonderful boys.  They were actually the ones that helped get us back together...\nHow much time do you spend together a day?: My hubby is currently serving over-seas right now.  I hope to see him over Christmas, but I may not see him until next September.  I miss him very much, and I appreciate the ten minute phone call that we have once a week.  When he is home, it is as if time stands still.  He is my soul-mate.
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
296315
You're ex is an ex for a reason. Don't live in the past. Face the future and all its possibilities.
68798
First of all, you need to step back and take a look at this situation. If she left you for another man after only 4 months of marriage, she wasn't as committed as you thought she was. It would be an embarrassment to you if you were to buy her a gift to get her to come back, and would be totally ruthless of her to accept it. If she wasn't committed enough to make it work after only 4 months, she isn't going to be any more committed if she were to come back home. I'm sorry to sound cruel, but I was in a marriage that ended because of my ex's infidelity. I tried to work it out with him, but he only broke my heart more by messing around with other women when he came back. My suggestion is that you should cut your losses, and let the divorce go through, and find a woman who TRUELY loves you unconditionally! Good Luck!
185587
Sure it counts as an affair but let me ask you this, are you a Yo-Yo? I mean she sends you away for 5 months and then all of a sudden has some Epiphany or a string and you come rolling back up it and she wants you back and then you are suppose to kick people out of your life and go back with her? Does she have your testicles in a jar and is holding them for ransom or did you get caught cheating on her in the beginning and that's what caused all this I want a divorce crap? Something tells me you are not giving us the whole story here Bud!!
576696
Personally, I wouldn't. Just based on my own experiences.\n\nI had an ex similar to yours, broke up for similar reasons, and he wasn't interested in getting back together until there was another guy in my life. He (years later) admitted to me that he always assumed he could have me back whenever he wanted me, when he decided it was convenient for HIS life! \n\nBut I wasn't willing to put MY life on hold until he got around to feeling like being a decent boyfriend.\n\nThank goodness I didn't. I moved on, dated other people, and eventually met and married my husband who was worth suffering every guy who came before him!\n\nIf you haven't really considered being with him again before now, my advice is, don't.\nIt's not 5 years wasted if you don't go back, it's 5 years of a lesson learned - don't unlearn it!
280713
Dude, Ditch her NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nMy ex did the same thing, I never cheated and was accused at least once a day. Come to find out she was the whole 9 years.
232197
Being a child of divorce myself, I know that it is a painful process for all. But you need to be the hero and help your children recover from the process. Divorce is not the end of the world. There are kids out there who have no parents so your children are lucky and you should be lucky to have custody of them. \nMy brother and I were angry at my father for my parents' divorce. We didn't see him during our adolescent years cause my mother poisoned our view of him. We lost about five years and we hated him and really had no idea why. When I was 18, I started to contact my father behind my mother's back cause I needed him in my life. It's almost 15 years later and my brother and I keep constant contact with our father. You see, time really does heal if you help along the way. I'm still learning and forgive and understand my father's reason's for leaving. I grew up to realize that he wanted to keep contact with us but we shut him out.\nChildren see things differently than adults. It takes the experiences of adulthood to understand the motives of the parents. Adult problems are adult problems and very difficult for a child to understand. And sometimes children blame themselves for the divorce.\n\nDon't let your children do the same to your wife. Teach your children the reasons why you fell in love with her in the first place. Tell them about times she did special things for them. Just give them something so they can learn to forgive her in their hearts. Forgiveness is the best medicine for moving on with their lives. Holding a grudge will just make your children grow up angry and resentful. Your children just feel rejected and their spirits need to be revived. Letting them dwell on this without proper counselling can make them depressed. I was a depressed teenager and you don't want that on your hands.  \nI don't think that divorce is taught as the best option unless the situation cannot be fixed. \nAs for child support, perhaps you should get the courts involved. It is not fair that you are put in this situation but you are the only one they have now and you must be the one to bring up their spirits. Teach them new things. Take them on outings like camping, the beach or the park. Get them active and enjoying life. \nThe last thing you want is for your children to resent you when they are older cause you didn't act on this.\nAs for disadvantaged, I don't think your children are. In the 80s when I was the only child in my class with divorced parents, that was disadvantaged. I was teased and belittled cause of it. Today it's common and there are more support systems out there. And you have the choice to allow them to be disadvantaged in life by not acting on the problem.\nJust know that your children need you and you are lucky to have each other. And show them the good things that life has to offer them. Good luck!
656413
I did the same thing many years ago and we finally got back together after about a year apart and got married but ended up divorced before our 8th anniversary.   The problems that were there before were still always there, but I thought he would change and I was lonely and I hadn't gotten into another relationship.  He was my first love!   But 5 years after our divorce, I met a really wonderful man and we've been together now for 16 years and I can't even picture being with my ex anymore.  Sometimes a new relationship does the trick after you've had time to heal from the last.  I didn't think I could move on but I did and life has never been better!
253462
No, I don't long for her, but I sometimes think it was just a shame that it had to end. Now, I have someone I love who loves me back and I wish my ex happiness. I think it's good to move on and not dwell in the past and long for what is gone. So, I really didn't suffer a "lost opportunity at love" - I HAVE it now!
512231
he has the leg up in this situation. her kids, and if she went back to him  that means she ended your relationship. may i reccommend match.com?\nSensitive guys like you are great, don't waste yourself on someone who treats you like dirt.