I was visiting family with my daughter for 2 weeks, came back, and after a month accidently found a message on hubby's vm from his co-worker. Thsy had gone out together while i was away, and the messgae was nothing mushy but just ticked me off cause he hadnt tell me about this date with his co-worker. when i questioned hubby, he said they just went out for a couple of drinks. He goes out for lunch with her every once in a while, talks about her at home. \nAbout 5-6 months ago he didnt like this person and always told me stories about how she is a s**t and flirts with everyone at work and all her customers and wears low cut shirts, and mini skirts at work....now all of sudden he claims that she is his good friend.\nI want to trust him, i have no concrete proof that he is having an affair, but i feel violated, hurt and am burning inside. Just the thought that even though he is not having an affair (which i am almost positive) but has feelings for her kills me from the inside.
136492
Sounds kinda fishy, i'd think he already did something with this chick and even more so if you said he said she was a slut and all this crap and now all of a sudden he is friends with her and hasn't told you when they went out ??  They go to lunch once in a while and he claimed she used to wear slutty outfits ?  Sounds like they have the flirting down and maybe something more.  Do some investigating, you can never be too sure, these women know how to get what they want and they.  If I were you I would talk to my husband about your insecurities and tell her he would not like it if it was the other way around and to pls quit the friendship with her, because believe me if it hasn't happened yet it is well on its way.
298029
I think you need to find another job.  He took advantage of you, and he is a user.  You need to move on and not think about him anymore.  He isn't available to you no matter what he says about him and his wife.  He hasn't left her and he isn't going to, that's what people like that do.
58301
Your first option is to ask him.  Make sure you don't do it as an attack, or he'll probably cover it up.  Also, if you do it as an attack, and he isn't cheating, then he'll feel resentful and feel like any trust you two had, is gone.  Another option is to ask a friend {or PI} to watch your husband for a while.  Call him at work to see if he's there, find out what he's doing if he's "working extra hours"  Check emails, internet history, phone calls in and out, and so on.  Don't be afraid to pop in at lunch to surprise him with a home cooked meal.  This will give you extra time with him, make him feel special, and also thwart plans if he's trying to cheat.  Also, see if there are people that are with him often, that you feel you could get an honest answer from.  But honestly, I think asking him first, in a very soft and subtle tone, is your best bet.  But remember, never ask a question you can't handle any answer too.  I don't mean don't get angry or mad, but make sure you're at a place with yourself that you can hear what he has to say to you, no matter what his answer is.  I wish you all the best, insecurities, whether real or not, always hurt.
653909
I asked my husband about his ex before and he asked about mine.  The thing is you get hurt because he is telling you about someone he has had a prior relationship with, someone he has been intament with.  Its hard knowing that someone else has been with the man you love.  I am sure your husband wasn't the only one you have been with either.  Tell your husband..." I am sorry that i am always asking you about your exgirlfriends.  Its just something i need to know about.  If I seem a little upset its because its hard picturing sharing you with others.  Also tell him .." When i get upset i need you to reassure me that i am the only one you want to be with."  My husband reassures me all the time.  He is always telling me how lucky he is to have me.  I am able to trust him because he tells me I am the only one for him.
413649
You have known this freind only for 6 months, or did you know him before that itself ? I am sorry, because you have mentioned that you know him for many years, but the relationship ''has really only been as it is now for the past 6 months''. So is it that you know him for several years, where the relationship was much closer, and you have been in a good freindly relationship 'only' for the past 6 months ? Either way, he is married, has a child, and going to have another baby. I understand that you are close to him, 6 months or not 6 months, but his family will be his priority. His wife too must be going through a lot of physical and emotional changes during this time. Its sad, you dont want to lose a freind and your job, but here you have more choices/options that he has. He has his family, and he cannot fire you (or may not have the heart to) from the job, and he's undergoing stress as well. I am sure you can see that for yourself.  \n\nI honestly feel, that you should quit, although it is like ''why should you, when your feelings are absolutely true and pure, with no other intentions, and he is only a good freind''. But then, considering the condition his wife is in, and putting your freind in a dilemma, you could take the initiative yourself, by trying many other opportunities, elsewhere. Ever thought on why his wife is actually thinking of you in a negative way ? Have you or your freind done something, or behaved in such a way that gave her the idea ? Has he given more priority to you, in any situations in the past for his wife to feel insecure ?\n\nThe answers are with you. As much as I feel bad that you would have to leave your job and a freind, the wisest thing would be to keep away from all this emotional mess. And suppose, lets say you kept the job anyway, would you be even professionally satisfied ? With your freind upset for whom you are working for, and having to face his family at some point of time, even if you have dont no wrong, would create some ugly situations that nobody really wants. Or else another alternative would be to go meet her, as she is your freinds' wife, talk to her, make her feel nice, talk to her often and get involved with her during this time, offer her any help she may need, after all she is your freinds wife. Slowly, she would start realising that there is nothing to it. But then if that is an impossible thing to do you should leave, find a better place with a better environment, and keep the freindship too occasionally. You and your freind would be sad, but you are in fact helping your freind by doing this.\n\ngood luck
488376
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
613139
shes victimizing you... she shouldnt be putting you in the middle of her problems and that makes her a poor excuse for a friend... what im trying to say is, do you want to be the one who conspires and allows her to cheat on her husband or do god knows what? Think of the husbands feelings in this situation... While you dont want to be the cause of them splitting up you have to know that if you told you wouldnt and couldnt be held responsible, your friend decided to do this to her husband and she should have to face the reprocussions. Do you care about this girl enough to actually lie on her behalf over something that could split them apart? I think its the husbands right to know whats going on, in my case I think I would not tell the husband where she is but if you know his friends or family tip one of them off and possibly they will tell them... its complicated but you cant be incriminated because you didnt tell her husband where she was, you tipped someone off and they told, but i think its the right thing to do in letting the husband know in one form or another that his wife is lying to him and may be doing more... hes a human being and has feelings to, and she is digging her own grave... It was wrong of her to ask for you to lie about her because she is putting you in the middle of their problems and asking you to conceal the fact that she is destroying her marriage. If I was you I would tip someone off and then let them tell the husband,  either way theres nothing you can do to come out of the situation without getting hurt because if the husband figures out that you have been lying to him about something that is ruining his marriage then  hes going to hold you partially responsible... and think would you want to be in that sort of situation as well. would you want your husband to secretely be doing god knows what and you to be completely oblivious to it and how would you feel about it if he asked a friend to lie to you for him? you have to put yourself in the victims shoes, and honestly you both are the victim to her lying ways
665177
I'm confused.. When you say you were speaking to other men.. is that all then? I don't see anything wrong w/that. You say tho 'he stayed w/me' and I don't know why he wouldn't (if it was just conversation.) You say he had a secret relationship.. was it sexual? You two both sound kind of jealous/possessive.. I mean I am basing this on the assumption there was nothing sexual involved in any of this. (If there was, that's a different story..) Let me see here.. He treats you like crap.. I take it that's the real issue on hand here.. I think men are kind of like babies (I'm married to one.. lucky me..) or they want their cake/ to eat it too.. they want us to cook and clean (and spread 'em) but on the other hand they want their 'freedom' to screw around on us at the same time. (We can't do anything along the same line tho..) that sux, right? He stayed because he's been with you and while the other gal's 'something new/exciting & different' you're the one he's 'used to living with' I am thinking. (Hell, this is depressing me!!) Hey, I DO think you've got value/self worth, dont' get me wrong! I'm just kinda bitter about men is all.. It sounds like my marriage of l4 years (boring.. I'm bored..) My ole man's an asshole (cuts me down) and then developed (or so he claims) e.d. so he tries to do the oral thing (doing me 'one big goddamned favor') on me for sex (but it's wearing thin or gettin' old I mean.. fast..) I want to dump him too.. (I think you want to dump THIS guy..) do it!! that's my 'valuable' advice for ya
252959
I'm going to say YES!!! I think his boss feels like she & work should be his first priority. She is jealous of you.If it continues or escalates to sexual harrasment your husband should report her or put in a transfer request.Be Blessed!! Monica
672530
He is a married man, and has no business being friends with other women, if the friend ship doesnt include his wife, she has every right to be upset about it, as she shouldnt have to share her husband with anyone else under any circumstance.  He sounds like a disrespectful jerk to put her through this kind of thing as its not normal in a marriage.... So listen to your "other" friends and back off, you are over steppin your bounds!
303671
As far as your "good friend" DO NOT LET YOUR MAN GO TO HER HOUSE WITH OUT YOU.  That is your friend not his, I can see if it was his friend.  There have been to many instances when matters like that turn into infidelity.  Be careful with this one.  If I was you I wouldn't allow it, and if he puts up a fight, then he is sleeping with her or if he continues to go without you knowing, he is cheating.  After all she is your friend and he should have female friends of his own.  Another thing, is everything going good between you two?  If there is some fighting and bad vibes I wouldn't allow him to go run to her.  Me and my man had a dicussion the other day about this subject. Something happened between him and his best friends girl, before us.  She came on to him when he was visiting with out his friend.  He left when she tried and he told his friend about it.  His friend did not believe him of course, she called her man before he did.  They use to hang out together and go out so it thought it was okay to go over to her house and wait for his friend to get there.  So you see where this is going you just don't let things like this happen, and you don't put yourself in that kind of predictement.  Not to say that everybody is like that but you don't want to take that chance with your man and your friend.  What we both agreed on is when you are in a relationship and you make friends with with your partners best friend who happens to be the opposite sex neither one of you should be hanging out with that person without your mate around it is not cool, it's some what tachy, and disrespectful, even when you are married.  I mean you have to have a very legit reason to go to your man's male friend house alone, and the same goes for him.  We leave that for the for married people who have established strong trust in each other and their friends.  Couples who have been married for years and their friends play a big part in their life.  Other than that, giiirrrl you better stop that s*** quick!  But sorry to say love, it already sounds like your man is doing your friend so start preparing to kick both of there a***** and dump his loser a**.  Move on and take my advice don't allow your man to see your girlfriends without you.  Just keep your girlfriends at a distance until you find out what kind of man you are dealing with, PERIOD!  Good luck and much love.  If you need to chat later feel free to contact me.
349422
Unless you had some interest in the Ex, why did you talk with him a couple times?  Obviously, you felt you were doing wrong, because you hid it.  Now, AFTER you get caught, you whine about how much you love your husband, and how you want things to work out.  so touching.  Odd that you weren't all that concerned about NOT doing something your husband would consider being unfaithful, when you expected to not be found out, but AFTER getting caught, you are sooo worried about your marriage.  Just a guess- Did your husband have a problem with this guy before?  Did he specifically ask you not to have anything to do with him?  Did you promise hubby you wouldn't have anything to do with that ex?  Lady, you may find that some things just can't be fixed, and saying "sorry" AFTER getting caught, means very little.
253194
What does the husband think? If there is an understanding between the two of them, then I think its fine. Whatever her real agenda is going on a trip alone without her husband, if she does have something hidden behind her sleeves, then its she is taking an advantage of her husband's trust. And if thats the case, I feel pity for her and the husband as well.
136775
The evidence seems to point to guilty, however, I would say don't jump to a conclusion. My advice is for you to sit him down for a heart to heart talk. Tell him of your suspicions and of the things that you do not like. You are not in this relationship to get your feelings hurt or to be lonely. He needs to know this. It would be good for you to tell him exactly what you expect and if he cannot agree to this then perhaps it is time to move on. My heart goes out to you, Good luck.
359079
Holy Cow. I feel like I am reading my life story.  My BIL is the same way. One day he is flirting and then next day he is ice cold.\n\nI understand that emotional relationship. He and I are very close but he is very hard to take seriously.\n\nhe came to stay with us for 3 months before his parents moved here. That was the first mistake. The minute his parent closed on the house he left and treated me and my husband like crap.  He is recently moved in with this girl and nothing like drama to get you thru your life.\n\nOnce the in laws moved down here he told them I was sleeping around with every man in town.  \n\nHe recently told in laws that my husband I have having problems. The only problems we are having is with them.  He is trying to take the spotlight off of him and his drama.\n\nPlease understand I know what you are going through and I am not sure how to tell you to get through but take it day by day and avoid him at all costs.\n\nGood Luck I really know what you are going through and if you need to email me please do at ladybugmac2000@yahoo.com
560080
everyone here is bashing the wife. we don't know for certain that she has cheated on him. i don't think she has. how many of us been hurt by a boyfriend or husband who has cheated on us. it sounds like that she forgive him and he done it again and again for his own reasons. right now she is hurt and mad and she feels betrayed by you. sounds like you really hurt her and her world is turn up side down and their is children involved then maybe she trying to figure how to handle this but i think there is more to this story then you are telling. if you love her so much why did cheat on her again and again and now u want forgiveness and win her love back. was you thinking about her when you was cheating on her? did you think of how she would feel when she found out? she doesn't feel good about her self right now and you caused that. now you feel insecure. maybe right now she feels insecure about herself and maybe she is trying to figure out where she went wrong in this and I'm pretty sure you blame her for all of your affairs right? give her time she is going through a lot right now. sounds like she was a very good wife to u and u throw it all away for some one night stands or relationships. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but she has every right to be mad and upset.