i got divorced almost two yrs ago & i think i must be over my husband cheating on me because i got remarried to a wonderful man and we had a baby this past christmas i don't ever think about going his direction we have a 5 yr old who he stop coming to see on her fifth birthday and actually i hope he never comes back in our lives i wouldn't call it hate he just did alot of terrible things to me when i was in the hospital rite before we broke up he brought his slut in our home and they took polaroids of each other which i found he raped me he got ready for dates in front of me are last days together he let his girlfriend go to my moms house and pick up my daughter drunk once for visitation & so much more i had him out on a restraining order i know he has no remorse either he married her. he did alot 2 me now things are great and i'm more upset&sad now than when he was doing these things because when i think about how wonderful my new husband is i now realize i was abused how do iforgive?
124835
ive been through hell in my life too, i was beat and raped and even stabbed, and made to go w/out food, and w/out seeing my family. its not easy to forgive someone sometimes, but for your own sake you have too. all your doing is harboring all those negative feelings. do you want to be a victim all your life? of course you dont. so you need to decide right now that your not gonna be the victim anymore, you are the overcomer,ok? you can do it. you have a wonderful spouse right now and kids. you have so much to be thankful for. why would you want to let your past ruin your future? that doesnt make any sence at all. you dont have to talk to your ex, but just say outloud "i forgive, then say his name" "and im letting it go and giving it all to god, it no longer has any control over my life". and mean it when you say it. say it as much as you need to. remember this, if you live your life like this then you let your ex  win, he's won. he's still controlling you even though your not together. let it go, and let god!!! I did. and im gonna be remarrying this summer to the love of my life and i would never let my past put a damper on my happiness. i dont care about the past anymore, it just doesnt matter.
281680
my ex-husband beat me for 3 years, it took 3 years for me to get away from him (he killed somone) and another 4 years to get him out of my life. once they hit you, they will always hit you. we where together a year before we got married, and he seemed to be a nice person, after we got married he started yelling at me and bring me down mentally, then the hitting started, by that time i was telling myself... he loves me, i need to stop making him mad, i asked for it... but all the time he never cared about. it was a control issue on his part. my exhusband was also 6 years older then too. he made me lose a baby...was mentally locked up for 3 months,locked me in a closet and set it on fire, hit me in the bas with a shovel and stompped on my face, also shot me in the arm etc, just to name a few things.. it got to the point that i knew he was going to kill me or i was going to kill him, and i had no were to go. i have to tell you that it only gets worse, and you need to leave him with your children. i also want to warn you that because you have children, he will think that he can harsse you this way also, if you do let him see the kids, please watch them for misgiven...any little sign, and cut him out of there life too. i am not saying that he will hurt them, but most of the time they do, when they can not get to you. my advice...get help, there are a lot more porgrams and places out there now then when this was happening to me.
209962
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
561864
have you tried going to counseling? there are more was to abuse someone than just physical, there is emotional and mental.  so you feel he is being that way to you? i am divorced also,i did not give up on my marriage until he did not want to be there.  he didn't want to be there because i started fighting back, he had gotten physically and mentally abusive.  i had two small boys at the time and they were effected by his behavior also, even though it was not directed at them.  it was my son was 4 years old made the comment that we should live elsewhere, that i realized everything was over.\ndo i regret getting divorced, no, because i felt i tried everything to keep it together, and was hanging in for the kids sake.  when that was said to me i realized it was better to get the kids away from him.  if you can leave with a good conscience than do it.  no one has the right to take away your self respect or self esteem.  good luck in whatever you decide.
322125
My abusive ex.  I won't go into details but the physical and mental damage done by this man is something I carry with me all the time.  Because of him I cannot have children and underwent 5 surgeries to fix the physical damage.  The paranoia I deal with on a daily basis because he has not been caught can be crippling at times, to the point I get afraid to go outside or go anywhere alone.  I cannot trust people like I used to nor do I let people close to me anymore, except a very select few.  It's left a feeling in me that seems to say people will suck you in by acting nice then they will turn on you like a rabid dog once you are sucked in and let your guard down.  I know, realistically, that isn't the case but it has left that feeling.  No, I'm not over this yet but I am working on it.  It just takes time to undo the damage done.  But it did take part of me and who I used to be away and I will never be able to get that back.
560089
My husband and I have been married for a year and have been together for 5 years.  The first year was fine...2 months after we started dating I moved to Texas with my parents...9 months later I moved back to where he was and we moved in together I'd say about 6 months later is when it started.  He would get really angry because I was complaining too much about his job or that he wouldn't do the dishes when I asked and he would throw chairs...at the time we had those little plastic picnic chairs...and clothes at me or near me.  He would yell and scream at me and get right up in my face.  I don't remember him ever laying a hand on me during that time though.  About a year or two later we ended up breaking up mostly because we needed to be our own people for a while considering I was 17 when we moved in together and he was 20.  We were apart for about 2 months then we got back together and I moved in with him and his roommate at the time.  About a month or so later we got our own place and soon after that is when the major abuse started.  I never chalked it up as abuse though until I was watching some show and realized that my boyfriend was abusing me.  When he would get really mad at me he would grab my neck and pin me to the wall or throw me to the couch or the bed or where ever we were.  He has only slapped me twice and I've gotten a few bruises on my neck.  After I realized it was abuse I started to fight back and when he would grab my neck I would kick at him and push him away...I only did that a couple times because it made him even more angry.  We did end up getting married about 6 months after we got back together.  A lot of the abuse happened soon after we got married.  I only remember actually losing my breath and struggling to breath once...and that was a couple of months ago when we were in a car and arguing about he wanted to change his oil in front of an auto parts store but there was a guy outside that when my husband was in the store kept walking past the car looking at me in a weird way so when my husband came back to the car I told him I wanted to leave and told him the reason and so he got all upset and acted like a total baby and so on the way home I told him that him being my husband should want to protect me and want me to feel safe and whatever and I guess I said something wrong and he reached over and grabbed my neck and didn't let go right away like he normally did.  We got home soon after that and I went in and started to pack my things to leave and he came in and threw me on the bed and told me I wasn't leaving so I decided to leave my things and just leave and he just kept stopping me grabbing my wrists and he pushed me and I fell over a foot rest and hit my head.  I don't remember why I didn't leave.  but since then we have gone to a counselor I think two times...but now he works so much that we argue on the phone.  He never did this when he was drinking...we don't drink very much.  I don't know how he could do this to me either...he always said it was because I knew what made him mad but I still did it.  I have changed because of this...I don't say as much anymore and I pick and choose my words...I can't say I am afraid of him though.  I still say what I want when I'm really angry.  I know hes more afraid of my step dad than I am afraid of him though.  It use to happen at least once a week to twice a month.  We don't have kids...we have animals...whenever he kicks the dog I kick him...so see I'm not that afraid of him...I am for a couple weeks after the events happen though but normally I'm not.  He is intimidating though because hes a foot and a half taller than me.
214347
People grieve in different ways. They shut down in different ways. Not all people sit home, cry, and listen to "the way we were" . some party and drink to forget. You don't know whats going on inside his mind or heart. I don't think he is in love with this woman, but I do think he is grieving and heart broken. I don't know what went on between you two. I have a feeling you are the ex or want to be the next with him. I don't know want went down as to why him and his wife are split but, it sounds like he needs some post divorce counseling, especially if he is drinking his sorrows away.
49283
u know i have read in the books many cases of yours..and the result is they return to thier wife or thier life was destroyed because God punished them..u have to let the younger girl go let her be free and find love with a man that is not commmitted..and u must be faithful to ur wife give all ur love to ur family...cheating has nothing to do with ur life,infact it was the start of ur downfall.u know my father did that to my mom it hurts me so bad espscially my mom...i cried all day and i realy hated my father..all the love the respect for my dad is gone...but now am trying to accept him again as my dad because he returned to us asking for our forgiveness...so please dont do it ur making ur family to suffer...and u too..
195768
There are still memories of that person u still have ...\n\nAll i can say is ur being self-centered ... ur first mistake was getting married to ur current hubby ... n then ur second mistake was having a kid ..... ur third mistake is thinkin u can get ur ex back ..... \n\nur gonna keep on makin mistakes unless u stop thinkng bout him ... Frankly wud u rather risk ur entire life or b with ur hubby who loves u n ur child n have a family ??\n\nif u want out then do it asap be4 u hurt more n more people
138154
Yes, sorry to say he misled you and used you. That was a scummy thing for him to do. Don't worry about your ex anymore, he knew how sensitive you are or were, so he played you for a puppet. As far as you marriage goes, if hubby forgives you, then you have to forgive yourself. The healing process begins with your inner self, then you can start working on your relationship. Sure you feel guilty having to bed in bed and knowing your husband wants you, but your not only punishing yourself, but punishing him. Take your time, let him know that you do love him, yes your love for your hubby will return, as soon as you stop thinking about your ex. Get mad about being happy with your ex, and turn that love and energy into your marriage, you may be surprised with the results. Best wishes.
570565
He had a baby with another girl while he was still with you? Why are you fretting over this guy - you should be glad to be rid of this jerk! I still have to deal with my ex-husband because we have a 10 yr. old together, and we each have 50% custody. But I look at it this way - my ex (a big jerk) has re-married. Now his new wife is stuck with him (and I'm not!). I am re-married to a wonderful man - I definitely got the better deal here! And like someone said earlier - living well is the best revenge. Be glad that he is gone and that she is stuck with him - someone better will come along.
660886
Hi there,\nI can somewhat relate to you in a sense that I was in your shoes when my boyfriend (now my husband) was doing the same thing like your wife did.  I think, I forgave him since we're not really together (I was in another state).  Yes, I was grossed out when I heard this and the thought of 2 on 1 is disgusting.  We decided that not to associate with those kind of people, which helps me to cope.  Out of sight, out of mind.   The most important thing about this ordeal is having trust in this person again and make sure that it won't happen again.  Yes, then your can feel more secure and comfortable being with this person again.\nBest wishes,
308644
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
488376
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
198164
He was right to be hurt. Right to worry and be worried sick. He was right to be angry because you completely blew off his fears and hell he would go through if you went missing for so long without checking in. However...he DID NOT have a right to hit you. This isn't the 1940's when women thought they have physical abuse coming for something they did. You need to understand that no physical violence is "acceptable" no matter how bad you screwed up. MY soon to be ex wife cheated on me with a man and then a woman while I was in Iraq. I didn't touch her. I may not have respected her as my "wife" but she's still the mother of my children. Give him some time to think this through. Be there at the house like you normally are. Do all the things you usually do like dinner, the kids....\nShow him you want this life with him. It'll help him see what he has and what he could lose unless he realizes what you mean to him. When he's calmed down he'll want to know more. He'll ask again to see if the story changes. Keep to the truth no matter how it might look. He needs to understand you will not put up with physical abuse ever again. Good luck and I hope you two can fix this.  Compared to the reasons for my divorce, yours are easy to repair with love, faith, trust and friendship.
667500
I did on my first husband years ago because i was young and stupid and because i did not feel loved by him at all. It was a wrong response on my part though and i regret to this day every doing that to him and the marriage even though the marriage was bad. I should have went for counseling and help instead of running away and being with men. Two wrongs do not make a right and needless to say that marriage ended in disaster and my husband took his own life. Trust me it was not worth it at all and the pain was horrid. I would never do that again and now that i am married to a wonderful man and husband i would never even want or dream of ever doing this to him and my marriage. I learned my lesson and never want to make that mistake again.
261817
I am thinking that he's become abusive because he really isnt back to where he was....in his eyes.  And that would be something that HE needs to deal with.  Perhaps he needs some counseling on how to do that.  If that is impossible than it may be time for you to return to MT to have some form of life for yourself. But in there, you too should have some outside help, sot that you can release any feelings of guilt. I can certainly understand your frustration.  He seems no longer the person that you orginally married. However, that's not abnormal either.  We all change, both mentally & physcially, thus the high divorce rate.  I sincerly wish you luck in finding yourself again. Please include YOURSELF in your care giving! :)