If you are separated from your husband, when he told you he was living, he said he didn't wanted to be married anymore, didn't want to have kids, wanted to be on his own on a christmas eve mean while your baby is at the hospital, then one month after that tells u he is inlove with your cousing, then he says he loves you, then you let him stay even though he is living u with 3 children, responsabilities of racing a family, taking kare of bills past due, but he sends the rent, and try to help with something extra, when he goes to the other state he tells u he feels lonely, but see if you can find her someone to be with u know intimately, and you are in the other side taking care of your family, making shure everything is taking care off, and you get by some with his help...and then you tell him you want to part ways  would it be unfair to try to find someone that apreciates , respects u  and loves you? and wants to be involved with the kids? what should I do whithout hurting him?
124724
well, i would tell him what i feel about it to the very small details, no matter whether it hurts or not. \nhowever, you are proud woman and i wish you the very best of luck. it is not easy. not at all. take care of your kids as best as you can. they have a great mother\n\ncheers\n\nnedzad
252729
Ok I completly understand what both you and him are going through cause I have been there and done that, therefor my advice to you is if you really think and feel you love him try to understand his point even if you don't agree or like it very much. What it sounds like he is doing is avoiding having confrontations with his family and you. The less they know the less they will nag at him, they less they nag the better mood you will see him in. Think of it in a positive way he just wants to avoid problems between his family you and him, besides its also a healthier realationship for both of you, never know he may be thinking of taking the relationship a step higher and want to move in together in a few months and when he does he will drop the bom on them, just keep your eyes open at all times giving everyone and anything the benifit of a dought. Good Luck and take things easy enoy your time
400269
I would really keep an eye on this ~ Sometimes men feel rejected or left out when there are small children around (and especially when there is a newborn or one on the way) ~ My husband did things like this and I ended up just having to talk to him about it and letting him know that it is not OK.  If you have an issue with it, he should stop doing whatever it is that upsets you.  His first priority is YOU and his children and NOT his first wife.  For him to not tell you until days later is selfish and also shows that he is trying to hide it from you.  My question would be to ask yourself, what else is he hiding?  My husband on the other hand does not do this anymore because I had to keep reminding him that his first priority must be me and the children or else he can just leave.. .Our children are more grown up and independent now, however,  If we didn't have our kids to argue about, we wouldn't argue about anything.  ~ It just takes time and alot of adjustment.  We have been married for 9 years.
169845
Think you've already made your decision by moving out but instead of following your head or your heart follow your instincts,don't think that after being with someone soo long that you can start fresh like strangers,as you have said you'd need to fix what was wrong in the first place...but if he's not willing to do that what's the point of trying again,you have to think about yourself,and your children,life's to short to be messed about...your the only one to see the relationship they way it is so your the only one that can answer your question but if i was you i'd say away and listen to your instincts,your gut feeling they're very rarely wrong...
332506
He might be right but only you will know how you truly feel about it. It's possible to love and care for someone and not be able to live with them or have a relationship where both people are really happy and neither is suffering to make the other happy. \nPeople aren't right or wrong for eachother, it is what you make it. It's normal to miss someone you love but not be able to tolerate them. \nEver have your bestfriend stay at your house for a week or two? It's the same concept. Just because you miss him doesn't mean your decision to leave was wrong, you tried to get back together and things still were not right. Now you feel the same way again but even your husband see's how this won't work. It could be he is just that disheartened after all the ups and downs but unless he outright says that then what he says is really how he feels and you two finally agree on something. I say you should stay apart till you can think outside of your emotions. You can still talk and it's not like one of you has died although I know there is a feeling of loss. Remember that nothing undoes your past together the good times or bad. If you decide you want this to work, really want it. then be grateful that you have him and remember how miserable you are when he's gone and keep that in mind when your thinking about digging a shallow unmarked grave for him in the backyard after a disagreement. I'm joking but the point stands. I would think if he is willing to make another attempt that this really will be the last try and you have to make it count. So it all comes down to you and your willingness to live with him when you take into account everything that IS him. he's not just the things you miss. Again I'm not pushing toward divorce just to think this through logically.
322091
My heart feels for you and your family.\n\nFirst of all, I believe the problem is not really about where you are going to live.  You've stated that you love your husband with all of your heart.\n\nIt seems to me that your husband may be going through a very difficult time emotionally since his father is very ill, and since he's back in OK, the place where his roots and heart was from, emotionally, I think he's not prepared to leave OK.  Sounds to me he might be emotionally really upset with the possibility of losing his father, and he's clinging on desperately to what he's most familiar with - which is OK.\n\nI think that over time, you will win over his understanding and he's probably going to arrive at a point in time where he'll be ready to leave OK.  It's just that he's not ready NOW.  \n\nI think maybe if you really truly love him, love him with all of your heart.  Be there with him.  Your love is not about the geography.  Your love is about HIM, is it not?  \n\nSometimes, in life, it takes time.  Everything is a process.  With your husband in a fragile emotional state, he's pushing all the wrong buttons in you when he displays no desire to leave what he's desperately clinging onto - his home and life in OK.  He's hoping his father will not die.  He's scared silly his father will die.  I think he might be scared of his own mortality too.\n\nIf you can find it in your heart to do so, I know I'm just a stranger to you.  But, if you can LOVE him with all you have, then do so.  LOVE him.  Sometimes our love for each other really CHALLENGES our very souls because it triggers the worst fears in us.  But, it can also bring out great strength and love in us too.\n\nDon't let what should be a temporary situation in life be a life altering permanent decision just because of the fragility of the human emotion.  \n\nYour picture with you and the children - your children are beautiful.  I too have children.  If I had the chance to love my husband - I mean to really love him in this way, I would do so.  \n\nSadly enough, I won't have that chance again.  Save yourself and the children from more heartache - unnecessary and foolish.\n\nDon't worry about whether you are in OK or in Montana or Seattle.  I loved Montana when I visited, and I too am from Seattle.  But, if I had a man that I could say was my husband that I could love with all my heart, I wouldn't care much where we were...because it's all temporary.  \n\nThis time will pass, and you will be able to move again.  Don't worry.  Don't be too hasty in your decision.\n\nGood luck and God bless.
522231
He's using his kids as an excuse to stay in the marriage with his wife.\nIf he's been married for 3 years, despite the fact that he's not living with her, and the marriage is THAT bad, he would have gotten a divorce by now if he really feels strongly enough for you.\nI'd say, leave the guy.  He clearly doesn't know what he wants right now and if you try and get involved, you'll only get hurt.
457667
Family is very important and no one wants to move away from their family.  However, sometimes circumstances change.  Then we feel like we have to "make a decision", when there really isn't one to make.\n\nYou, your husband and your children are your "family".  This shouldn't be a "choice" between your family or his.  If you and your husband "love" each other and want to be a "family", there is no choice to make.  You owe it to yourselves and your children to do whatever you need to do to make your family work.\n\nSometimes we have to put the needs of our family above our own personal needs and desires.  That's what being a spouse and a parent means.  \n\nOf course your parents are going to be "hurt", they are your parents!  They can always visit, so can you.  The same is true of your "friends".  The wonderful thing about "friends" is you can never have too many and you can always make "more"!\n\nSome people never get a second chance, you owe it to your children to give yourself one.  Children need both their parents.  If you don't go, you will always wonder if you could have done more, and by then, it may be "too late".\n\nBest of luck.
108679
I'm sorry your going through this... I've been in your situation before... Well it all depends on hope much pain you want to go through. He loves you yeah but he loves someone else. give me a break. there is a reason why they call our ex's, ex's. If he's not man enough to handle his business and know that yeah he has a baby with another women he should provide for that child but now he's going to have a baby with you. It was hard but I left the man I was with I started over scared but I couldnt take not knowing where was all the time or him telling me he still has feelings for his ex... If he can't decide you have to look out for you and your child... Get out girl....
613277
You still have your family-your kids. Talk to this guy. Find out where you and kids stand in his life . In a relationship,there are times when couple or say one of them wants to be on his own .\nMaybe he just needs some time off . Give it to him . You also do something which you like and mutually you two can take care of kids . Have a code of conduct to be maintained in the house, at least in front of kids . Review the situation after short intervals.\nIf it doesn't work & you are unhappy ,maybe then you have no other choice but to split.
317920
Maybe you should continue to stay separated but start "dating" again and work on your issues. Having children in the relationship I feel it could be detrimental to them to have him continually coming and going into the home. I would continue being involved in your church, praying for him and your marriage and continue marriage counselling. If after a few months and giving it 100% there are still no changes in him/willingness from him to work on his issues then I would sit down and seriously contemplate if this situation is right for you and your children. But hopefully with prayer and God in your life you will see some changes. I definitely think baby steps is the way to approach this situation. God be with you.
102433
I understand your feelings.  Talk to Hubby about it.  Make him understand how it makes you feel.  He should be willing to help with your feeligns.  Some compromise is in order.  Because of the kids, they inlaws will be a part of your life, but how much a part is something you two can discuss.  Sounds to me like he can give a little, and you can as well.  Good luck!
114390
I am in that situation right now. I had a one night stand and got pregnant, which I was told I could never have children. The guy and I got together but we weren't in love. We made our bed so we are lieing in it. It isn't our son's fault that we didn't use protection. Besides I am happy I had my son. We feel that even though we are not happy, in order for our son to be whole with a happy life, that we are sacrificing our happiness. Divorce is really hard on the children and being raised by a single parent is sometimes difficult. All my son's friends are being raised by a single parent. Most of them come to our home to eat dinner and get dessert which they don't get at home. They hang out at our house cos their parents are out on the weekends trying to find another mate. One has gone down the wrong road, the other misses home cooked meals, the other one misses his dad doing father-son things even though there is visitation. If there isn't any abuse involved, I would say stay until they are out of high school.
270023
Well,as much as I hate to say this,but i think that you should brake up with him.Don't get too offensive,but you do realise that you are braking a family?I think that you should find someone better,someone that you can enjoy spending time with,someone you could relaxe with,and let him go.If he loves his children so much,he should be with them.Stay friend with him.But find someone else that you feel comfortable with.because,I suppose you don't feel too comfortable with that man,knowing that he has a wife and children? Move on,turn a new,fresh page.
177157
You know, I'm really proud of you because you know what true love is, eventhough you were hurt, you still love the person and want to be with him. The first you should do is to know what the root of the problem is, try to find out what caused your husband to find someone else and cheat on you. When this things happen, we should not always think that your partner is the problem eventhough it is their fault most of the time, let's try not to be bias, let us look at orselves, ask yourself "Is there a problem with me?", or "Am I giving enough time and attention to him?" These questions will really help you examine your own self and discover some of your negative sides. But don't compare yourself to the woman he's seeing right now because all of us are different and its not a good attitude to compare yourself with others because it develops insecurities. After that, try to talk to him and prove him how you love him so much, be honest and make sure will be able to tell him all that you feel. Let him realize that it will be better that your children will grow-up seeing you together because their primary need is not money, food, good house, but a whole and happy FAMILY... Goodluck to you...
27936
well, i he loves you then make him work for you. you are obviously a good wife cause you still stay by his side, but that only means you deserve the best. tell him how you feel. if all gets worse then you should think about talking to God. He cares for you and your child. if you ever need more advice feel free to email me. i hope all turns out well.
51413
You know what? you also mentioned you also love your husband, why don't you just work out on making your relationship with your husband better, and make him your best friend? Think of the past when you we're so much inlove with him, what you like about him! you have a child? Will the child be better in the future if you separate from your husband? Will it be comfortable with you to commit a sin?(well i guess you are legally married with you husband). The greatest happiness you can achieve in life is within the family! Love your family, it's the only thing that can last forever!!!! :-)