This is the deal.  My maid of honor is my cousin.  We grew up together.  I don't have any sisters and thought that she would be the next best thing.\nShe found out that one of HER friends is getting married the same day as I am (keep in mind she IS my maid of honor). She sent me an email at work asking for specifics about my wedding such as church times, reception, etc. because she wanted to make it to her friend's wedding as well.\nTo me, that was the biggest kick in the face. I am hardly a selfish person, and for once in my life I'm going to worry about me.  Nobody in my bridal party is going to leave my wedding...especially my maid of honor!!\nWhat do I do here?  It's obviously not important enough to her.
123886
Just to play devils advocate for a moment here, it *is* possible that she is just genuinely trying to keep everyone happy here and not hurt anyones feelings. Have you spoken with her about this yet? It's quite possible she has no idea how you have reacted to this. If you are truly, completely offended, the best thing to do would be writing her a long personal letter, without anger, explaining that you are offended by her actions and that you are rethinking your decision to have her at your side during your special day. Give her an opportunity to talk to you about it before you make any "final cuts" though. Family comes first, and if she has a good reason or just was ignorant and chooses you, then you can have a wonderful marriage with her there. If she is stubborn about it or just refuses to work it out, then you may have to bluntly tell her you had to choose another maid-of-honor but she is still welcome to the ceremony. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck and congratulations.
401172
I'm having two in my wedding (I got the idea from a friend of mine) - one is the maid of honor and the other is the maitron of honor, although one is married.  I actually have a third bridesmaid who's doing all the typical maid-of-honor stuff cause she lives in my town... so it's more a technicality.\n\nYou should not feel bad if she doesn't choose you - even if she wants you as a bridesmaid that's a huge honor.  You'll be in her wedding pictures that her and her family will look at for the next 50+ years.  \n\nThe other thing to keep in mind is that your friend probably is going through a lot of stress right now (or she will be soon) if planning the wedding and trying to organize a million things - no matter what she decides to do the best thing you can do is be supportive of her and offer your help if you are willing to do it.
587143
That is really awful! Wow. I have only heard of such inconsiderateness once before. \n\nMy cousin got married maybe 15 years ago and my fiance wasnt allowed to go either. I was supposed to be in her wedding but I declined. I went to the ceremony, stayed for dinner and then had my fiance pick me up. I couldnt believe how rude that was of her! And my fiance and I were living together at the time, too!\n\nAll I can tell you is that you should really ask for an exception to be made. Tell them how much it would mean to you to have your boyfriend there. After all, some people never get married and are happily together forever. So, I dont think that the piece of paper (or ring in the case of being engaged) should have any bearing on whether your boyfriend is invited. \n\nYou could offer to pay for his dinner, if money is what they are concerned about. \n\nI would have done the same thing that you did. It is so highly rude and unjustified for your boyfriend to not have been invited. I cant believe the nerve of some people. It makes me so angry just thinking about them doing that to you! Ugh! I would have declined the invitation also. If nothing else, it's out of respect for your boyfriend! \n\nBottom line is, do what you feel is right. You will get a whole myriad of answers here covering all options. Only you know what's right for you. But once you have made up your mind, stand firm! Dont let other family members tell you that you are wrong. You are not the one who was wrong here!
504039
Sounds as if you are stressing already!  Calm down and take a deep breath!  Is there a number where you can call your mother?  Does she have a cell phone, or do you know where she is staying?  If you can't get in touch with her by phone, then she has no reason to be upset with you when she returns home.  Explain to her your reasoning for having the party at the home of your future in-laws.  After that, make sure you plan something special for the two of you such as looking for your dress, or making further wedding plans.  Above all, remember it is YOUR wedding, and especially if you are paying for it yourself, you need to be able to make the final decisions.  Congratulations and Good Luck!
481998
Maybe she feels threatened that you are entering the family and may take her place so she wants to make sure you know she is on the inside and you are not.  Maybe she was caught up in the emotion of the event and never meant to hurt your feelings. Depends on the sister-in-law.
269752
your step sister is a selfish b****. if you know what I mean , the hell with her pick someone else to be in the wedding, and she should be grateful that you tried to do that for her some  people wouldn't, tell her  that it is fine that she does not want to be in your wedding, who would want a selfish brat in your wedding any ways, the wedding must go on, to bad for her, tell her to stuff her bras, for now until you  feel like you want to drive her down to get them done, see what she says, i would
130277
Wow! I am kind of in the same situation and the only advice I can give is to take care of yourself first. I can see how there may be disappointment but if you can't go then you can't go. Best friends, even just good friends, should be able to understand something like that. Maybe she just needs a few days to get over it and then she will be ok. If you have explained the situation to her, and apologized, then that is really all you can do. You can't jeopardize a dream job and your livelihood for one day at a wedding. You can be there in heart, but don't risk it with a new job. People can go downhill fast if they lose even a week of work. The best thing to do is take care of yourself first. You won't be much good at a wedding if you are worried about your own personal issues, and employment is what enables people to be able to survive in most issues. Good Luck!
176538
Depends on the wedding and what the bride and groom want.  I've been in weddings that did it both ways...  When I was a Maid of Honor, I gave one along with the best man.  When I get married this fall, my Maid of Honor will be giving one, too.\n\nTalk about whatever feels right to you...  I'd stay away from just saying, "Congrats, good luck, I love you" because that makes it seem like you didn't put any time into preparing something.  Talk about your friend, when she met her new husband, something funny about her or the two of them (be appropriate, of course), and offer good wishes for the future.  Spending a minute or two talking shows that you care enough about the two of them to spend some time preparing a speech.
522344
Have you communicated to her that when she says these things they make you feel bad. She may not realize talking about her fun weekend with another friend was hurting you when she hought she was just making conversation. The fact that she says "you weren't important enough" really hurts! It hurts me to hear that someone you consider a friend would say that to you! It sounds like she is being really immature with her emotions, especially for soemone who is old enough to be married. You can serve as a good example by communicating with her in the way you would like to be communicated with, even to the point of being straight forward and saying, I wish you would say something to me when you are angry with me instead of withdrawing. I want this friendship to work. Try to talk to her in a way that isn't accusatory like "You do this" but talk in a "You make me feeel [blank] when you withdraw.. " or incorporate "We" into your conversation like "I feel we need to work on communicating with eachother better, I care about you and I want to work out whatever is bothering you" If she doesn't change and retains her mature attitude, I would find someone else who respects you enough to be upfront with you. When I read this, it sounded llike a "friend" I have right now who posts her thoughts on an online journal instead of telling me upfront in an appropriate time and place. I tried talking to her a while ago but she hasn't changed and I find that she just makes me more upset than happy and I am trying to find a safe and respectable way out.
668537
Good for you, thinking about starting your own business.  I do agree though look into it before you place your $$$ into it.  I don't live in your area so I don't know how things are there but here well I thought of it myself.  I am planning a wedding of my own for October and there was not one person or business that I thought treated me as a bride the way that I should be treated. And I was looking for the help. There is no place that can help with every arrangement.  Keep in mind if you do do this that you need to be able to cater to everyone and their budget.  Good luck to you!!
501501
Mindbogglingly rude.  I hope you sent your regrets:  "Congratulations on the beginning of your new life with your husband.  I regret that I cannot attend, as I will be spending time with mine."\n\nI disagree with the suggestion to send an RSVP saying you'll both come.  If he wasn't invited, he wasn't invited.  You also can't ask her "did you forget to invite him?"\n\nWhen it's all over and some time has gone by, see if you can talk this out with her and whether she has an issue with your spouse.
291554
Tell her this.  I told my boss this.  Said I wanted to keep my personal life FAR away from my professional life to avoid ANY kind of conflict.  (I was burned bad by a coworker once).\nHe was cool about it, and now I don't have to join them for ANYTHING.  In fact there's a going away party for a guy who transferred tonight.......am I going?  HELL NO!
101160
I had a situation where I'd chosen someone as my bridesmaid who was a close friend of my husband's and was also dating my brother at the time.  During the course of the engagement she went nuts and ran off to Australia and screwed over both of my men.  Needless to say she was out of the wedding, and had she not run off I would've asked her to not be in the wedding anyways.  \n\nAs for you, I would just tell her that it seems she's too busy to be able to meet your deadlines and requests, and also with the status of her relationship with you and your family changing you think it's better off she not be in the wedding party, but that you'd love to still have her as a guest.
376730
When I got married I had a friend call me and tell me that she was just so broke and she felt bad but she just could not afford to be a bridesmaid. Now, my husband and I made the decision to pay for her expenses but if we hadn't decided on that or couldn't have done that it would have been fine for her to miss the wedding. She's my friend and I'll love her no matter what and when you're broke..you're broke...How selfish it would be for me to get mad about something like that. If she's really a good true friend, you should be able to talk to her about this.
652641
I have just helped plan a few weddings and most of them just had a maid of honor or a maid of honor plus two bridesmaids. It most had to do with cost for the wedding. Even when you have the bridesmaids paying for their own dress you just have lots of little cost to add in to having more. Also its just easier having fewer people to get together to find dresses everyone looks good in.  Best Wishes.
446250
This is your wedding and you do not need to invite them. The rule of thumb is, if you haven't talked to a someone in over a year, they are not required to be on the guest list. Never speaking to them would probably qualify :)\n\nIf I was you, I would find some reasons for why your mother can't invite these "sisters" if saying NO just simply isn't working. Maybe the guest list is too big or it's getting too expense to keep adding people to the list.\n\nI whole heartedly agree with you -- these women don't need to be at your wedding and your mom needs to understand that it is your choice and your wedding.
327906
Try to stay as far away from her as you can.  This person is clearly not a friend.  It's understandable that y'all miss your other friend (the one that passed away) and everything, but she's in a better place...and LIFE GOES ON as hard as that is.\n\nAlso, it seems too 2-faced to be doing that - telling you to your face she'll go to the wedding and telling other people she won't do it.  You sure don't need somebody like that in your life.  Death is part of life and she needs to move on, just like you're moving on now.  Good luck, girl friend, and congratulations on your wedding.