I'M 22 AND I HAVE A 5YR OLD DAUGHTER. 4 YEARS AGO I GOT DIVORCED, SHORTLY AFTER THAT I MET A WONDERFUL MAN THAT I'M STILL WITH TODAY.SOON AFTER MEETING MY NOW BF WE TALKED ABOUT HAVING KIDS & HE TOLD ME HE WAS FIXED & HAD ABSOLUTLY NO INTEREST IN EVER HAVING ANYMORE & THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN ( HE HAS BEEN DIVORCED AND HAS 3 KIDS) AT THE TIME MY LIFE WAS REALLY CRAZY BARLEY DIVORCED & NOW A SINGLE PARENT. I TOLD HIM THAT I ALSO DIDN'T WANT ANYMORE KIDS OR TO GET MARRIED AGAIN. HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE BOTH UNDERSTOOD AND AGREED ON THAT. MY PROBLEM NOW IS THAT WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 4YRS & I DO WANT ANOTHER BABY,I HAVE DISCUSSED THIS WITH HIM & HE SAYS THERE IS NO WAY HE WILL HAVE ANYMORE KIDS & THAT I KNEW & AGREED TO IT FROM THE START. I FEEL IT IS UNFAIR TO ME THAT HE EXPECTS ME TO GIVE UP HAVING ANYMORE KIDS JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS HIS 3 IS ENOUGH.I KNOW I WAS AWARE OF HIS FEELINGS FROM THE START BUT I CAN'T HELP HOW I FEEL NOW.AM I WRONG?? I DO LOVE HIM ALOT
123646
You have the right to change your mind. Find yourself another man who is agreement with you.
163224
Wow..that was harsh!! He obviously wasn't ready for the long haul with you..(sorry if that sounds too terribly blunt) A lot of people have issues dating or marrying someone who they think cannot have kids. Everyone will deal with things in their own way but he couldn't have been the one for you if this has happened. Be glad you knew the outcome before you two got married. You see, what the doc said is only a possibility..not a fact. God gives miracles..keep your head up honey..everything will be fine.
341730
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
627267
I cannot tell you how bad I feel that someone hurt you sooo much when you were little.  I wish I could change it for you.\n\nHowever, Why are you trying to get pregnant and your not married??  I'm not judging you.  It's just that, if he has not committed to marry you and stay with you, are you in a position to take care of a child by yourself??  I only ask because I am a Mother of 3 girls.  Two of whom got pregnant with their boyfriend.  \n\nI also got pg before I got married.  We married, but it was a disaster and I ended up with 3 kids to take care of alone.  I really struggled because I only had a high school education. \n\nThink really hard about doing this. sweety.  This isn't something that goes away if you change your mind.  And no matter how good your man is now, things could change.  Can't you guys just be happy with the 2 of you right now??\n\nI know, sometimes things work out.  Are you 100% sure this is going to work out with the 2 of U?  Good luck, and God Bless.  By the way, God is waiting to hear from you.
650510
yeah that would have alot of an effect on that baby done been there. if you two can just leave the feelings left behind and be close good friends that might be better . neither of you should have put your feelings on hold towards each other till on is bout to start a family a new life and get married ... there is 5 people to worry about here who would get hurt the most you need to be straight up front from now on before its too late again and life just passes on by before you know it ........but then ask him is he marrying her cuz she is pregnant cuz you dont have to get married just cuz your having a baby and so the kid can have his last name only get married if the love is truely there dont get married for all the wrong reasons tell him that that might change it all for ya right there if he can trust his mom or dad they really are perfect to talk to about these kind of things
675794
Well, do you love him? You have had a child together so you have to think of the kid too.. But do not stay for only that reason.\n\nI do not think the age is the problem, I think maybe you feel like you might have gotten with him for a father figure, I am going to guess and say that I bet someone told you that..\n\nIf you love him hun, marry and have a wonderful life.. If you are not sure, then do not marry him...And if you do not love him, then you really should move on and find someone you love and who loves and adores you.. We all deserve that!
532055
honey to let you know i am basically going threw the same thing but i am the divorced one w/a child. and there is this wonderful guy.. put just give it time. if he really likes you he will let you know or just come out and ask him where you stand in his life. or you can ask him what he really want in life.. but don't push the issue. remember he does have a child and he doesn't want some body that is going to come and go in there life.. :)
118153
Dear girl, Oh my... I wish you had asked for advice 2 years ago; perhaps much of your pain could have been avoided.\n\nYou say you two have NOT been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and you are still with him. WHY are you still in this relationship? He's NOT committed to you and hasn't been for 2 years! Is he sleeping with other women? Are you sleeping w/ other men? Have you even thought about the risk of HIV and AIDS? You two have a child now. And my dear, why did you get pregnant with a man who hasn't been committed to you? You should never have sex with any man who is not committed to you. He gets sex, you get hurt. It happens every time. Unfortunately, you are not the  only one getting hurt; you have made a baby and brought your child into this situation. \n\nDo you two still live together because you have a child, or because it's easier than moving out? Let me ask you, does he support you and your child financially? Are you you paying any of the bills? Are you paying bills for your baby? If your baby's father is not supporting you 100% emotionally AND financially, then you are better off leaving for good, once and for all. I am sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he may be using this "money issue" as an excuse and he doesn't have the guts to get out of the relationship. Some men can't handle being fathers, especially if they are not in love with the baby's mother. Having a baby brings a couple in love even closer, but couples who are not in love do not get closer after the baby is born.\n\nI wish I could tell you otherwise, but I definitlely think it's time for you both to be grownups. Living the way you both are is not the adult, responsible way to solve this problem. Make an agreement regarding the child's support and visitation and part company amicably. Many women with small children meet other men who do love them and will be committed to them and their child/children. My father met my mother when she was a yound divorcee with a 2 year old and married her and proceeded to have 2 more children with her. They were married 53 years until he passed. There is hope for you to do the same.\n\nIf you are not good with $$$, then take some money management classes (@ a local school, community college, aid center). You will need these skills whether you are on your own or not. \n\nIf you were not honest regarding $$$ with your partner, then I suggest you get to church, temple, etc., and you start being honest with God and yourself. Remember, you have a child you need to be teaching good values to now. If you were honest, then you're okay there, but going to a place to have a relationship with God will still be powerful for you at this time. \n\nYou CAN start a new and better life. Don't give up on yourself, no matter how hard it may be at times!
407913
It's obvious he isn't as in to you as you are in to him.  He went behind your back to see to it that he couldn't have kids, something you want, and something that he knows you want.  \n\nI have a feeling that he likes just having fun.  \n\nWomen should never pressure their men to marry and never ever ever give an ultimatum, either they will or they won't.  After two years, either sh!t or get off the pot.  It's been a while, and nothing has progressed.  \n\nYou deserve somebody that wants to be with you, wants to be married to you, and wants to raise a family with you.  No amount of hand wrangling or convincing will ever "make" someone come around to your point of view.  \n\nIn short, do what will be the most difficult thing you've ever done in your life, get rid of him.  Split up for awhile, be alone, learn who you are, have a great time, and then you'll just run into the person that is a great fit, becuase this guy obvously isn't.  \n\nY'all have been together for what? 10 years now?  Seriously, are you are anywhere close to the same person you were in 8th grade?  Is he?  Don't you deserve someone that will want to make you happy?
606410
I think that you should get sterlized for the simple fact that you are almost to the age where you should be enjoying raising your children-not having them. Tell him how much you look forward to "you and him" time when the kids grow up and get out of the house and you both are still at an age to where you can enjoy life like take cruises or buy vacation homes or something. You are going to have to tell him you are deeply sorry that you've prior children and this is just something your partner is going to have to deal with. Definately encourage their honest feelings to be out in the open and make sure you go into this together-not seperated by feelings. Try some quick counseling or even reading a book together about it......good luck!
658179
it honestly sounds as if he wants you and his kids to get to know each other and maybe even bond which would mean he wants to move to the next level with you but as a parent he needs to make sure his kids are ok with you  if you really like this guy and want to be serious with him this is a really good thing  \nhowever it almost sounds as if the kids are his "baggage" in your eyes   you need to decide if you want to be a part of a ready made family  and if not maybe you should move on   because to a real parent the kids will always be first priority   can you handle that?
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
587768
Does he want to have kids?\n\nThe kids question is one of the important things for couples to work out before marriage. You need to sit down and talk to him to find out how he feels.\n\nIf he doesn't want kids - then selfish has nothing to do with it. You are on the same page. If he wants to have kids - the two of you have some difficult decisions to make. He would either have to decide that being with you is far more important than having kids of his own or you would have to decide that you are willing to try and have more children.\n\nYou are sharing two beautiful daughters with him. That's not selfish at all.
295417
First, read what you just wrote.\nI want a kid so he'll love me.\nI want a kid so he'll be with me.\nThat is putting alot of pressure on that kid. And if married people with kids don't stay together, why do you think he'll stick with you? It'll get hard and he'll run. Did you ask him how he feels? Does he want a kid right now? Yeah, its your uterus, but its his sperm! Its not fair or right to try and trap a guy with a kid. And speaking of, you are still a kid. I know 16 year olds don't like to hear that, but its true. I thought I was grown. I had a kid at 18 and married the Daddy. I found out just how much of an adult I wasn't REAL FAST. If you love yourself, wait till you turn 18 and finish highschool. If you love him, give him the chance to become an adult and decide what he wants. If its real love, he'll still be around at 18 and you can marry, THEN have the kid. Usually, teenage fathers HATE the girlfriend that got preggy cause they aren't ready to be Dad's. Do you really wanna take that chance?
431067
My thoughts he's not committed to you. He sees your children as your responsibility and not his.\nI dated a girl with children before and ended up being able to give her a break by taking her son to ice cream, or the park to launch rockets. It made her heart soar to see that we could have a good time and give her a break from it all.\nIf he's not willing to buy into the idea of loving you through your children, he's not going to be able to committ further.
219296
I definitely think that you are not mature enough to have a baby. I'm 19, and engaged, and my fiancee wants to have kids because he's 24, and I love him very much, but I'm at least waiting until I have done 2 years of college. How are you going to support that baby? Think about what is best for the baby! And are you so sure that your boyfriend is still going to be with you then? I know these are harsh questions, but they are definitely things that you should think of, before having children both in marriage, and especially outside of it. :)
450922
it always feels empty and weird after a major break up. if you keep breaking up and its not even a year yet, you are clearly not suited. you need to break up and be strong, dont turn back. all heart breaks hurt but better now than down the track when you are married with kids. it sounds like it is first love for both of you. you have plenty more time to find a life long partner. someone that doesnt say sorry as much!