Someone asked a good question.  It seems on every question where a woman has left a man, someone will ask or mention that she should not return to an abusive situation.\n\nI agree with that.\n\nWhat I'm curious about is twofold:\n\n1.  Why do people assume there is abuse, and I guess why do they assume the man was/is abusive.\n\n2.  What exactly constituted abuse?\n\nI have another question I'll ask.
124406
I never assume abuse , but I dont want to give someone the wrong advice and send them into a bad situation, especially if there are children involved\n\nI think abuse can be physical or emotional and either sided , the girl can be the abuser, \n\nhitting, pushing, slapping, touching in anger\nname calling , putting down all the time, hurting ones feelings on purpose, trying to control the other person. telling them where they can go , who they can be friends with. there are so many kinds of abuse
526687
Probably the woman you complained about filed a violation on you. There is a lot of pettiness on this site. I can't make sense of the community guidelines. It doesn't seem to matter if the question or answer violates guidelines or not. There seems to be a knee jerk response to anyone filing a violation. It can be for anything. Six months ago a question or answer had to be blatantly offensive. Not so anymore. People just seem to look for reasons to file abuse. It is why many people have left the site. Yahoo has gone too far to one side. I feel your frustration.
663084
"Have you stopped beating your wife yet?", although crude, is a question often given as an example of a loaded question - one that implicates the answerer however he answers:\n\n'No' implies that he still beats his wife.\n'Yes' implies that he used to beat his wife.\n\nA person who has never beaten his wife cannot answer this question - unless he answers with the word 'mu', as suggested by the Buddha.\n\nI don't think Oky is calling you a wife-beater. I think this user is trying to call your question loaded, but Oky might have explained the concept behind the question instead of just throwing it at you without an explanation.\n\nTake care.
359797
I think it is always useful to try to imagine the other person's point of view.  It can help in understanding their behavior.  If a stranger were to walk up to me on the street and hit me, of course I would be upset, but I for sure would like to know why.  For a grandmother to blow herself up, a most unprecedented act, as an act of despair and violence, we might do well to understand how badly the present circumstances have collapsed.  Women rarely do this kind of violence, grandmothers never.  It is not a positive  indicator for how life is where this happened.  How bad would things have to get before your grandmother would resort to that?
288084
There are people who will find a way to abuse anything in this life if they can. I won't answer questions which are obviously ridiculous or people who have a long list of absurd questions on this site who think it is a big joke. Plus I think there are a lot of children posting questions. I just try to help those I can whom I feel really need help, and ignore the people who are so desperate for attention, even if it is negative attention.
217047
no I thought I knew him dated 6 years but now he turned abusive and I never thought he would do that.by the way thanks for your rude answer to my question.a person never deserves to be abused even if I was bitter which I wasn't I just wanted him to show he cared.but after being abused by someone I thought loved me and would never hurt me yes I am bitter now.
610466
have watched so many friends make so many bad choices about the men in their lives.\n\nBut that's not really my business. Except for in cases of abuse, I've known to keep my mouth shut. Physical abuse is obvious, and demands to be addressed. I don't think anyone can claim to love a person, and then politely pretend to not notice black eyes.\n\nBut the topic is never as easy to raise at it ought to be. To watch her in physical pain hurt me deeply, but for her to respond to my concern with anger nearly killed me. My heart broke when this rational, intelligent woman looked me in the eye and actually uttered that sick joke of a cliché -- "But I love him."\n\nThere are a hundred ways to argue with that statement. None of them will work. For all of the women determined to stay in violent relationships, there is at least one person who has tried everything to get her out.\n\nI think why they stay is apparent. The abuse never starts out as physical. He doesn't break her jaw on the first date. If he did, he'd be a straight out psychopath, and not your everyday neighbor/wife-beater. \n\nMen, I understand and appreciate that the vast majority of you do not beat up women. But, the bottom-line is there are far too many of you fuckers who do. Perhaps it is unfair, but I am also left to wonder how many potential wife-beaters are out there, just waiting for a woman to stick around long enough. \n\nBy the time a man full-on hits a woman, he is comfortable that she's not going anywhere. He's confident because he has already put her through a courtship full of gradually increasing psychological torture. As any good misogynist knows, a broken woman is not born, she is cultivated.\n\nCareful observation can often identify an abusive man within 10 minutes of talking to him. Sometimes, it takes longer. But, by Date #3, I guarantee he has thrown out at least one neon-sign of a clue that he will someday drag her by her hair. \n\nSome women will dismiss the warning signs as being insignificant. Or, worse, an infatuated women could see the character defects as endearing. She may find his jealousy to be charming, or determine that his rudeness to the waiter is manly, in a take-no-shit kind of way.\n\nThe goal of a batterer is to convince this woman that she cannot live without him. He accomplishes this by stifling anything about her that is her own. With an abusive man, what begins as a jealousy will inevitably turn into raging paranoia. At first, she may find it sweet that he really wants her to be with him, and not join her friends after work. Soon, her friends will stop asking, knowing she "can't" go. She'll be grateful, because the lack of an invitation is easier than making up excuses. Eventually he will cut her off completely from her friends and family, leaving her with no support outside of him. She will be utterly dependent on him, which, of course, was his entire plan.\n\nShe will love him, and she will need him, because he will be all that she has.\n\nBy the time the actual physical abuse occurs, it's too late. The physical violence is simply the culmination of a long and carefully planned ego-trip. Proof, in a maniacal frenzy, that he can do whatever the hell he wants.\n\nIt is far too late for her friends and family to help her. Where were they when she said (again) that she couldn't attend the [fill-in-the-blank]? Why didn't they speak up when he openly insulted her at the last function they did make it to?\n\nThey were where I have been: biting their tongues, knowing it's not their business, and waiting for something bad enough to happen that could justify butting in.\n\nThey will wait for a bruise, and she will say "but I love him." Their hands will be tied, and their hearts will break.
155471
Are these girls still living? \nAs long as women still think it is normal to be beaten up by men who profess to "Love" them they will never be fully emancipated. Come on ladies it's the 21st century for gods sake!
285505
well done, it needed to be said.  but look you said it yourself too 'i was in an abusive situation once...it took me some time (as i was younger and less experienced)'  \n\ndo you realize that a LOT of people on here are teenagers who are at that 'younger and less [life] experienced' phase that you were at?\n\nit's good that you are here to shout sense into people..sorry to hear of your abusive encounter before. hope as many people as possible read your post here today and get some thinkin going on!
93655
I'm sorry about what happened to you and your family.  \nI can't understand why women put up with abuse, either.  I can only imagine that it's because those men have a power over the women's minds.
175679
Often times the kind of men that abuse women were either abused as a child, or witnessed the same kind of treatment to their mothers. It relates back to the man's childhood in most instances. Unfortunately, they rarely change. If a woman is in an abusive relationship, she must get out now and find help. And if it's possible, and the man's willing, he should get help as well.
626165
I agree with you and I don't believe we should dismiss these kind of blatant abuses under the catchall idea that the person being victimized is old enough to know better. Clearly, your mother has some serious self-esteem issues if she finds any of what you are describing as not only acceptable, but forgiveable. Until she addresses whatever inside herself tolerates such bad behavior, she is doomed to repeat the same mistake in the next relationship even if she left this guy. Unfortunately, society also forces women into this position because, truth is, an attached woman (regardless of what kind of man she is attached to) is considered to be better than an unattached one. Sad, but the reality we live in.\n\nPersonally, if I was in that situation I would move out and tell my mother that I can not bear witness to her self destruction. It might be harsh, but sometimes people have to feel the void in order to realize how their actions negatively impact those around them.
350561
I've seen some abusive answers and questions, it's expected due to this online open answer and question forum.  Don't take offense to any answer, people are just sharing their opinions.  Don't give them any of your personal information, be careful and just don't give them the time of day.
610957
Why did he move out? I can see that you are sooo proud of making more money than him, because you said it when it doesn't have any relevance to the situation. Did you maybe throw it in his face, or did you start an arguement? You can either listen to the other answers from women who hate men, or you could take a step back and LOGICALLY determine whether you have caused this problem yourself or whether he isn't a great guy. No one, including the other women who've answered that hate men, can tell this from what you've put.  Either you have real issues and need to deal with them, or the guy has done something wrong and you're not telling us(I seriously doubt he moved out for no reason--and if he did, then leave him alone).
571217
Why does a woman not put her TRUST in JESUS CHRIST and let GOD find her a man?\n\n\never consider this?\n\nhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.\n\na New theory?  nah. \n\nwanna popcicle?  I have Cherry
103136
It is annoying isn't it.  As far as reporting it as abuse, use  your own personal judgment, it is not a question nor an answer, so if you want to report it go ahead.  They keep it confidential.
42397
I see mostly women answering this one, so here's my take: There is always going to be somebody else that is better. These sort of things happens to guys as well...I am one of those guys, and I left when it got bad.  Bad enough that she decides to call the cops on me when I broke up with her, purposely made a few marks on herself, and I do an over-nighter. That was 5 years ago. Now I finished school (college) and got an awesome job, now I need someone to share my new life with, and I know she is out there.  Bottom line is this: You can do just fine w/o the abuse, probably better...and when you find yourself where you want to be in life, try again!  Best wishes to ya!