I am petrified he may not want me to feel this way, but I can't help it.  At first, being with him was fun and more along the lines of being with an average friend.  But for the last week, my stomach has been tied up in knots and I think about him all the time.  I have children and he does not, but has expressed the desire to have children, just through regular conversation.  By me having children, I feel a little guilty.  He is also 35 years old, 10 years older than myself.  We come from complete opposite backgrounds.  I have been asked out too many times, and he is the only man I even want to have anything to do with.  Am I wrong for this?  Any input would be appreciated.
129542
you're not wrong for anything, the heart does what it wants. thats all i can say because i know from experience. just try to spend some more time with him.
356360
He surely havs taken much place in your heart, because he was there with you when you were going through life's upheavals and downfalls. Time after time he helped you, be there with you. And you think the this guy is the one you need, because you know perfectly well, that he wants to help you whatever troubles that you will have.\n\nWhy he turned you down when you ask him out? My first impression on this issue is that he had set some boundaries between you two; avoid further commitments. May be he noticed that you now are well and able to live happily. There is no need for him to be close to you and support you.\n\nHe doesn't notice your feelings, yet even if he does, he still chooses to stay away from you. Because he sees that you do not need him in order to be strong. And he knows his role in this relationship; once you are well, he will back down or walk away.\n\nThat may explain why he doesn't talk to you; he fears if there is something more that you expected him to do or want him to commit. A friendship is really not a problem to him, I guess. But if you ask him to have stronger relationship with you. That, he cannot allow himself to do so.\n\nThere are limits that he set for himself in the first place, and he will not bridge those limits. He may fear that he can never be as caring as he used to be; and he may not have enough confidence to love you the way you want him to be.\n\nYou said it yourself; he is your first true love. That may be the very thing he fears of. Sorry, I cannot explain why. It will be best for him to answer it himself.\n\nThis is my perception on this issue; I hope that I'm not too sharp on you.\n\nGood Luck
223234
It sounds like he is really confused right now. He may need space to think things out. Alot homosexual people struggle with their feelings. It is natural for him to feel torn between his feeling and longing for a sense of normality in his life. Alot of gay males try the straght thing thinking that they can have a natural family and be accepted by society but then realise later that they are trying to change themselves. He may be going through one of those times right now. If you have seen him on the gay dating sites that is a bit different. Are you sure that those profiles are not old? some people continue to check old dating accounts just to see who responded. Ask him about them. If he gets defensive, then you may have a clue. Just give him some time to sort things out and if what you guys have is worth saving he will realize it. for now be his friend and help him find hisself. And dont listent to any negativity on here...we dont choose who we love
353186
Ouch!!  Sounds to me like he's just a selfish guy who doesn't care who he hurts on his way to getting what he wants.  You should feel good though that at least your friend didnt go out with him, valueing your friendship first.  You don't need friends like him anyways.  Good luck!
338992
Sounds like the 'I don't want to go out with you,but I don't want you going out or showing any interest what-so-ever in any one else' syndrom.Don't let him stop you from having a good time when your out and don't let him stop you from talking or even fancing another guy.He didn't want to be with you,thats his loss and somebody else's gain.If you allow it he will come between any relationship you form,even if its just friendships.Let him carry on acting like a spoilt and sulky child,just don't let him spoil things for you and yes,I think you would be better of just having him as a friend but,in all honesty,would you want him as a friend if he acts like this.
101445
He might just be feeling uncertain about his feelings and how to express them to you.  I think you just need to have an honest talk with him about how you feel about each other.  Be careful though, it could be that his hormones are guiding him if you know what I mean.  Don't let him use you.  Keep him in line and he will always respect you.  You have too many years invested as really good friends to mess it up by becoming too personal.  Good luck!
287252
Sweetheart, I went through years of hell with a man just like that; I stayed for my kids, and threw my life away.  I waited till the youngest was 15, then left.  My kids ALL said "what the hell took you so long- why didnt you leave him years ago", and when I said I had stayed for them, they called me all kinds of stupid, because they had been really unhappy and ashamed because everyone knew their father was a lush. I am 65 now, and just getting my life back.  What you have there is a self-centred, cold, thoughtless bastard who doesnt give a damn about you or the kids, hon, or he wouldnt treat you like a walking paypacket/ servant.  If you gave up your job and stayed at home what would he call you when he couldn't afford his drink and drugs?? YOU HAVE A LIFE; he has ruined his, dont let him ruin your OR your kids Get out of there girl; wheres YOUR anchor- he thinks its in your head, doesnt he? What this guy needs is an anchor tied round his neck and a swimming lesson.  Be brave; the first step is the hardest, but you can do this; do it for your kids, and do it for YOU.  God bless and keep you, and good luck in the great future you have waiting for you.
472200
hey mama I am in the exact same position and my guy friend has mentioned he hates when girls make the first move so I am petrified to tell him, I feel like I have to wait for him to come to me. But he is probably thinking the same as you. Whenever drink, stuff happens and I usually spend every day with him and we do everything together. Work out together, party together, occasionally sleep together the whole 9. Whenever we need anything, we're the first ones each other calls. If you figure this out- lemme know!\nLauramr015@yahoo.com
156070
I am not being rude or judging you, but maybe you should talk to a councilor. I am sorry to here of your lose, but remember you are not the one that passed on, you are a live and you shouldn't feel guilty about moving on. It will feel like that you are comparing, but if you hang in there you will find the things that you like about the new guy in your life. Hang in there and don't give up. Good luck.
563556
Maybe it's the fact that I'm a little older.  But I feel that when a man has doubts about his feelings for me, then it's best that I leave him alone with his feelings.  I refuse to let a man keep me dangling and waiting.  Is it worth the wait, possibly?  But I can't wait forever and so I continue moving on with my life.  If he comes around then great, if not then I know it's not meant to be.
432252
OMG!!!! i am in your shoes in the current moment!!! My guy friend of four years lives in Seattle, but is working out here in California. I so like him, but he only admires me as a friend, he loves to hang out with me, even get advise from me!!! what sucks is tht i recently told him tht i liked him & i feel weird & he's his normal self. i think tht a friend is unconditional, but we are trying to put conditions. i just think tht we have to hang in there & hope tht someone will admire us as, we admire them. sooner or later it will come!!!! Sometimes we as humans want to control, when, where & time. We just need to realize tht the time will come. We kinda have to open ourselves to the world & understand tht our love is One sided. Until then we are just hurting ourselves. they r nt the ones causing pain, we r!!!!! Be strong & hang in there. Somedays are harder than ours. But our time will come. Good Luck!!!!!
497889
As soon as you get some self respect you'll realize he isn't worth putting yourself through all this!  You said he repeatedly hurt you (that is NOT love) doesn't care anything about your or your kids (that is NOT love).  Why bother with him?  You can go find a good man and move on.  He'll keep using you as long as you let him.  You've already given him 13 years of your life.  Thats 13 years you'll never get back--from a man you said yourself doesn't love you.  Or your kids.  They should be a high enough priority in your life that you stay away from him.  Is he the kind of male role model you want them to see?  Is this unhealthy, hurtful relationship how you want to teach them to live their lives?  They'll end up unhappy, too.  Move on for everyone's sake.  Good luck!
321988
Dude, you sound just like me. My wife left me last July.  We had been together for 7 years.  We didn't have kids, do you?  I think that might make a difference.  Anyway, I turned 28 2 days after the divorce was final.\n\nYou have every right to feel scared.  Since we were kids whenever we hooked up with our exwives, we never really went through the dating scene that you are about to enter.  I see that some of the peeps are advising you not to enter in to a relationship, but you arent asking about a relationship, you are asking about dating, gotta keep that seperated.  If you are anything like me, your world has stopped spinning and you are all sorts of messed up in the head.  Don't let that part of you bring down the rest of you.  For me, it was real freaking important psychologically to know that I could still pull tail.  Let me tell you, it was not that hard.  Just so you know, I am nothing special.  I aint Mr. GQ.  I aint some gym rat either.  I tell you that because I always see dudes our age at the bars all GQ'd out looking like they live in the gym and I never thought I could compete with that, well don't.  You don't have to.  You don't want the bar flies that chase those dudes anyway.  \n\nFirst thing you gotta do is get your mind right.  You are a dude that was faithful to 1 girl from the time you were an irresponsible kid till now.  You havent been in bars chasing skeezers every night since you turned 21.  You are a good dude that is different than those type of guys.  You understand relationships and women.  You know the expectations of a woman and will naturally meet them.  Things like calling, being thoughtful, etc. are hard for dudes who have never been married, its natural for you and women love that.  Girls that are our age have the same concerns that we do.  Good girls are looking for good dudes and are willing to give you a chance if you can present an acceptable formula of traits.  You know you can.  \n\nI have dated 5 girls since my wife left me 9 months ago.  1 was a girl that I knew from highschool, (work that circuit).  3 were girls that I met via my job that worked for other companies, and the most recent one was an acquaintance of one of my friends wives.  If you are anything like me, your friends are all married and the wives know that you are a good dude, thus willing to set you up.  Keep your expectations real.  You know deep down the level of girl that you can pull.  Work all angles and dont listen to anyone who gives you a time table.  You need female companionship to get your esteem up.  Take it where you can get it.\n\nYou'll be alright.  It'll all work out for you my man.
68673
i have sort of had this experience.i fell in love with this guy.our relation was going on steadily when another woman came in his life and he ditched me.i did not ask for explaination and just walked out of his life.i was so heartbroken.i lost faith in everybody and am afraid to love once more.whenever i see that guy i get very angry but pretend as if nothing has happened and try to enjoy but actually inside i feel sick.i think u should move on.it is hard but tyr and slowly u will forget.
281100
i know exactly how you feel... well, at least i think i do.. i am in love with my best guy friend whom i have known for almost 11 years... we are reallyc lose and a week ago, he confessed that he believed that we were meant to be.. blahblah.. and then we kissed.. and it's been a week and i have a feeling that he's avoiding me.. he's always busy and within the last week, he called me ONCE... that's it. and it was for a brief conversatio. i don't know what is going on... its really hard to do anything.. because i know that we were friends first.. and i dont want to risk it..\n\nmy advice to you... confront him before you assume anything and talk with him... talk it through... conversation is the best option you have... dont do like what i did and talk it out. it will save YOUR HEART from a lot of pain....
350220
I was in your exact situation.  Seems like the timing is never right, there's always something. Just tell him how you feel, and that you are ready to get this ball rolling.  Don't give him an ultimatum b.c you are right that will just push him away.  But definitely stress on the fact that you aren't getting any younger.
43232
It (probably) means that it wasn't meant to be. You two have lived it up and have produced two lovely children. I'm sure the both of you love them more than life itself. But perhaps that's where it ends...It seems like you have tried everything. Hell, you even went to counseling. Good job on both of your parts. You two want it to work. Maybe you're going through a phase? Maybe you should spice things up a bit. Join a club together, join together in a new sport, go hiking, camping, maybe you could spend less time with each other. Mabe ALL you need is a BREAK. C'mon now...16 years together. THAT tells you something. It cannot just stop like that. Do not give up. There is a reason why the two of you are together. There is a reason why you met, why you got married, why you decided to create children. Reminisce together about the days when you were younger, the crazy things you guys did for each other, the first time you told each other 'I Love you', etc. Do not give up. If it's an attraction/physical thing, work it out (Literally). Get sexy, make him look at you like you're the hottest thing to have walked this earth. It's not over sweetie. I believe in you guys.