I am a 28 year old man, who happens to be gay.  Only a few close people in my life know, none of whom are in my immediate family.  I really don't know how they would react.  Should I come out?  Am I lying to them if I don't?  I'd also love to hear any stories anyone has about what their coming out experience was like.
131399
If you think that you'r family would understand tell them, if not don't. But it is not good to live in lie. They wont probably understand you, but if they love you they must understand you. and you must understand that it may be hard for them. Remember one simple thing : YOU CAN NOT DENY WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE ! And the fact that you are a normal human being, loved and wanted by God (even if you are an atheist)
629757
Its up to the individual. Coming out of the closet doesn't mean you have to come out to everyone, or wear a T-Shirt which reads "I'm gay/bi and proud of it". Some people are selective in coming out i.e. they come out to friends/family but not work colleagues.\n\nThe process of coming out to other people is considered by some to be a final resolution of coming to terms with sexuality. One no longer has to put up with parents/friends constantly saying "when are you going to get married/have children?" nor do they have to worry about being spotted by a member of family should they go into a gay establishment.\n\nYou don't have to come out if you don't want to, or are not ready. Another thing about coming out to someone is that it becomes easier each time you do this, and gain supporters.\n\nIf you don't want to come out to friends/family, then at the very least come out to yourself and the LGBT community (so you can make friends in that area) - but only when you're ready and comfortable.
551601
I didn't know I was gay but knew that I was different when I was as young as 6 years old.I just seemed to develop differently then the boys around me.While I did like some sports and some "boy" stuff, I also liked hanging around with the girls and doing girl stuff.As I got older I knew that I was definitely different because I had strong attractions to men and none to women.I think I was around 13 when I realized that the reason I was so different was because I was gay.But even then I thought it was something I could "fix" and even tried to "fix" it.By the time I was 16 and still could not "fix" my sexuality, I accepted who I was.Even though it meant a life of hardships and family disappointments, I came to accept who I was.It is to bad so many of my family members, including my own mother, could not accept who I was and went as far as disowning me and never having anything to do with me.
523627
You need to support your sister. She didnt ask to be gay. This is harder for her than it is for anybody else. I've had gay friends and sometimes they are so scared that their family and friends won't accept them. Your mother being on antidepressants for this has got to be killing your sister.
551625
That's sooooooooo cool that you know at that age.  I had conflicting feelings from age 16 through age 21, then I finally came out and accepted it.  Coming out is an ongoing process.  In life you will always run into a situation that people will assume that you are straight, and you have to be yourself.   \n\nI would wait until you are absolutely sure you won't upset your home life.  At age 13, you need to be focusing on school and preparing yourself for the outside world.  Your Dad might be joking, but maybe there is some serious issues for him that might cause him to through you out... I've seen it before.  If you are sure your family will love you no matter what, then be honest and tell them.  Be prepared for all the questions they will ask.  It would be in your best interest to find some counseling for you and your family.  Here in San Diego, we have a Gay & Lesbian Center with a great youth program.  Hopefully your city has such a place for you to connect with the Gay Community.  It's up to you to help your parents not get all crazy by supplying them with accurate information about what being gay means to you.
510441
When I was young I remember people referring to an unmarried man as a "confirmed bachelor" or "bachelor uncle"  When I got older I figured out that these men were in fact gay.  I am a forty year old gay male and the majority of my family know I am gay.  \n\nEvery once in awhile I will meet an older family member that will ask when I will get married, have a family etc..   Usually another older person will then explain to the other that I am a "confirmed bachelor" and that is the end of that.\n\nMy point is that homosexuality was not a open subject years ago as it is today.  Families tried to disguise the fact that a member was gay by using such terms.  With groups such as PFLAG to help families who have gay family members it is easy for a family to stick togethey instead of torn apart.
211236
In my opinion do what makes you happy.If your gay your gay if your bi your bi your sexuality has nothing to do with who you are as a human being,people will either understand or they won't but at least you'll know who your true friends are.If your family can't except you as you are then do they trully love you????
131490
there is no easy way to tell them. If you know for sure that your parents will accept that you're bi, then it should be a problem telling them. They probably already know and just waiting on you to say something.
74523
You are so right - a person's sexual orientation should not matter.\n\nAs for coming out of the closet - most of the time the gays are simply doing the same thing that straights do all the time: talking about thier family and/or loved ones. When we are talking about media stars - it seems the public has an interest in who is dating/marrying who, etc. Should they only ask those questions to straights? Should gays have to lie when asked these questions?\n\nStop and think about a typical Monday conversation - talking about what you did over the weekend and usually who you did it with. How it is somehow wrong for a gay man to say that he and his partner went out to dinner and a movie Saturday night but ok for a straight man to say he and his wife did? Do you want the gay man to lie and say he and his "roommate" went so that you will feel more comfortable?  \n\nIt's not like being gay is only about sex - like everyone else - sex is only about 10% of a person/relationship. I'd rather focus in on the other 90% of a person.  I just don't get what all the fuss is about - being gay is not contagious.
326764
Hi,\n\nFirst off, i've not got a 30ish son...but am a woman, my boys only a yr old.  :)\n\nI'd like to say all the usual..i'll support my son no matter what...if he feels like he should be a woman, then so be it. Or i often ask myself what i'd say to him if he told me he was gay one day.\n\nI'm not going to lie, i would be disappointed, but more for the fact of what society would treat him like than anything else. I wouldn't want my child to suffer.\n\nYour mother is from a different generation, she is bound to react differently to say what i will in 30 years time.\nIf you are her only son..then ofcourse she would love to see you married and have had children.\n\nBut, at the end of the day..she's your mother and loves you no matter what. She may be against it now, but it sounds like shes warming up to the idea.
348177
Well, I'm not against it but my parents are.  When my brother finally came out of the closet, that did nothing to change their minds.  They were furious and my father told him he was sick in the head.  He was 19 at the time and had to move out of our home because my parents were being really horrible to him.  My Mom even 'disowned' him as a son at the time.  \n\nThey lost touch with him for a good 10 years.  My sister and I still kept in touch with him though.  It wasn't until recently that they are back in touch with him.  I guess they have somewhat accepted that he is gay but it is not discussed when they are around.  It still hurts him to this day and them reacting the way they did has messed him up a bit.  He knows he has the support of both my sister and I but sometimes I feel really bad for him not having the support of my parents.  Even though we are all adults now, it makes it no less hard to not have the approval of one's parents.  It's unfortunate because it's not like getting angry at your child and disowning them is going to make them any less gay.
431162
When i was in my younger teen years I was scared, but now that I am in college I am starting to come out and the more people I come out the easey it gets. I don't worry as much, I would say try it with your best friend. Also people understand more when they get a little older.
402605
the best way to come out is directly. i know that it may be scary, but your family and friends are more likely to take it bad if they don't think you trusted them enough to be honest.\n\nget some info off of the following websites. they can give you plenty of info to share with your family. also check out the public library in your area. they may have some books that will also be good resources.\n\nstart with the person you think will take it the best, be it family or a close friend. tell them first. you will need them to be your suppport system through this time. then, just keep going until you've told them all.
60409
Coming out to your parents can be a tricky thing…especially if you’re going to be living with them.   I have heard stories of parents crying, and others where the parents think it’s no big deal, and of course others where the parents already knew.\n\nI should say that the only people I personally know whose parents freaked out were hardcore Mormons from Utah. So unless your parents are fanatically religious or have expressed deep homophobic statements in the past, you should be OK.  I even have a friend in Orange County whose dad is a Baptist pastor, and his parents still love him and spend time with him -- in fact I think they still pay his rent!\n\nRegardless of if you move back home or not, you should eventually come out.  You will feel a lot better about yourself and will probably find that you are closer to your friends and family than ever before.  People who remain closeted for too long can experience depression, and you are too young and the world is full of too many cool things for that.  There are plenty of books on coming out, as well as some good movies.  If you have Netflix, they have a lot of them, too.\n\nAs for juliart’s answer, she needs to STOP answering gay-related questions, because she does not know what she is talking about.  She regards homosexuality as perverse and lustful, and thinks people can simply decide not to be gay.  Even though she says otherwise, she is in fact being judgmental – in one of her responses she told an 18 year old gay college student, “What a waste of a perfectly good man.”  Being gay is not a choice – true some people have chosen to repress it, but it is ultimately very destructive to them.  My friend’s uncle chose to repress his sexuality and got married and had three kids.  He ended up committing suicide in the bathroom while his daughter was just a few feet away.  People like juliart need to realize that the way they feel attracted to people of the opposite sex, is the same way gay men and women feel about people of the same sex.  And it’s not just about sexual attraction, most gay men I know will tell you that emotionally they are attracted to men, too.  Gay men and women feel love the same way straight men and women do.  You cannot repress this.\n\nFinally, I have to touch on another thing juliart wrote.  She asks if he is gay because he is “just going with whatever is popular…”  Wow, what an insensitive and incredibly naïve statement.  I know a lot of religious conservatives think that gay portrayals in the media are now making more people gay, but this is ridiculous.  Most of our society, however, has realized that it is destructive to ask people to repress their identities, and have become more accepting.  So there is not a higher percentage of gay people than there were in the past, there are just more who feel comfortable and accepted enough to be open about it.
32992
I find it strange that he has to defend himself so much. Personally, I've known a lot of gay people. Some were open about and some were not. The ones that were not usally had their reasons for not wanting people to know. If he is gay, (and it soinds to me like he is) He has his reason for not being honest about. And truethfully, It's really nobodys buisness if he is, except his.I hope I helped some with your question. You helped me A LOT with the one I had. Thanks again.
403038
I'm a lesbian and there is a saying about that.  Family (meaning people in life) usually can tell family.  Being around gay people long enough you get the sense of it.  If he isn't giving off that sort of vibe then be careful.  If it's that serious and you want to know talk about something a joke or actor who is gay.  Feel him out on the subject.  Most times a person will say something about it.  Don't just ask him out.  Men are extremely sensitive about that.  You don't want to get hurt.  In more ways then one.
247394
This is really a decision only you can make, no matter how much advice you receive from all of us.\n\nHaving said that, this is a little of my story to help you out.\n\nI am from a very strict Catholic family, my father was a cop, my brother is a security guard and at the time I was working in Federal Government Security as well. Basically Law Enforcement down the line. All very strict, uptight and all that cr@p. Lots of derogatory talk about gays and lots of gay jokes all the time and all the while I was sinking further and further into my dark little closet.\n\nOn the outside I was this wonderful, cheery, jolly bloke, the life of every party - on the inside I just wanted to take my service revolver and blow my head off to stop the pain.\n\nI ended up "coming out" and do you know what happened? Nothing! Big anti-climax! The world didn't stop turning, I didn't get dis-owned, Mum gave me a hug and a kiss and told me she would always love me no matter what. Dad gave me a hug but had a tear in his eye, and my brother, who I thought would just punch my lights out, gave me the biggest hug and said I never thought you would have the balls to do it. When I asked him what he meant he told me that he had always known he just never said anything.\n\nIt is your decision to come out, only you know when, where, how and to whom first. Good luck and God Bless.