I have a lot of suicidal emotional pain. I writhe in pain and abuse meds by mixing oxys with alcohol. I live alone and am in lots of trauma counseling. But when I am alone at home... I am suicidal. Need suggestions on how to cope with suicidal pain... I am fighting to live. I can't just keep calling 911. It is getting expensive going to hospitals all the time. And drug overdoses knock me out... but are only temporary solutions.
124833
you have got to realize that those susidal attempts are not a game!!! you think you've made through many times but, that's what my uncle said and the very next time he tried he died!!!! so, stop that silly game and get those pills out of your system and the dark clouds will clear from your head. Pain killers are downers and thats a strong one which probably can cause hallucinations and major depression. first step tell family members or friends you want to get help and do it for god sake before you end up where my uncle is 6ft under!!!! GOOD LUCK!! you need God and you need rehab so stop now STOP STOP ABUSEING AND KILLING YOURSELF INSIDE AND GET SOME HELP YOU HAVE EVERYTHING TO LIVE FOR SO PLEASE DO IT FOR YOUR FAMILY FOR YOURSELF PLEASE!!!!!!!
522921
I can relate to what you're going through. When I was 14, I attempted suicide. I was put into psychiatric wards, and sent away from home. I understand depression. But I can tell you, that it is the worst mistake I ever tried to make. I didn't realize that until it was almost too late. So if you want to kill yourself, it depends on what you're taking. If it's a strong medicine, take the entire bottle. If not take two whole bottles, wait an hour and say goodnight.\n        I don't know what your situation is, but I strongly suggest not ending your life. Things may seem bad now, but they will get better. Trust me. If you need someone to talk to or vent to, here's my email address.... vigilantris@yahoo.com\n        Email me anytime day or night. I'll  be here, I promise.
511036
Medicines and therapy go hand-in-hand.  You have to really want to get better, Amber.  The therapists give you the tools so that you don't dwell on things until you want to die.  Then you have to put them into action yourself.  Then you said you tried to kill yourself once, then you said you never have thoughts of hurting yourself?  A LOT of people are addicted to misery.  It's true.  If you've felt this way for years, in a strange way it's comforting to just stay in the negative.  Only you can stop that.
208230
Than what is it?  A cry for help IS attention-seeking.  Its not necessarily a bad thing. It just means that you have identified that you need help and your problems are greater than you can handle alone.  But I don't thinking you're seeking help in the right places.  You won't go to see a therapist, yet you continue to feel sorry for yourself and feel suicidal.  I don't understand why 3 or 4 of your questions contain something to the effect of "mental health professional, help me", yet you refuse to actually see a mental health professional.  \nI guess I am a mental health professional, but not a licensed psychologist.  I have been doing counseling for 8 years and have completed all the coursework for the doctorate and just have to finish my one year of practice.  \nI'm sorry that I always come off as the mean one, but honestly, someone needs to tell you this.  You need someone to help you.  Its not something you can do alone.  Its not something you can do online.  You need real, person-to-person help.  That does not make you crazy.  That does not mean they will lock you up.  You just have problems, everyone does, maybe not to the same magnitude, but there are millions of people in this world that deal with conflict and pain on a daily basis and persevere. You could be one of these people if you sought help.  Do you remember my analogy of a person with a broken arm, screaming and crying in pain, but refusing to go to the hospital?  \nBecause, honestly, I don't think catharsis is going to work in your case.  You submit questions everyday, asking for help, threatening to hurt yourself.  You realize that this is a problem and its very disturbing to you, yet you don't want to fix it.  Do you also remember my reference to the depressive "comfy space"? \nAgain, I apologize if I sound as if I am being mean.  But a lot of people on this site will coddle you.  Which is fine.  Everyone's first instinct is to help and preserve life.  But professionally, I know that this is reinforcing your behavior, as are all my responses to your questions.  You need someone to tell you the truth....that you are depressed beyond the point of self-help or Yahoo Answers help....that you are posting shocking questions on this site to feel like others care about you and your feelings are validated...that you will find any excuse to avoid going to therapy...and that you will blame everyone else for your pain.  You blame those that abused you, although I have known many women who were sexually and emotionally abused, yet have been able to live fairly normal existances.  You blame other people on this site for making you upset by being "mean", but some of them are saying things that may be true but you don't want to hear.  Plus, you've made some comments directed to me, regarding the attention-seeking.  It is so much easier for people to make themselves the victim and blame everyone else and then use that as an excuse for their behavior.  \nYou need to stop blaming others, stop making yourself the victim, make yourself stronger, and seek help.  By not seeking help, you are the one who is sustaining your depression.  By seeking help, you are choosing to break from this cycle.  \nAgain, I apologize if this sounds harsh and I fully expect a pointed comment, but you need to realize that your problems are within your control. What you need assistance with are your reactions to those problems.
96552
Hang in there. The best way for us to heal from our problems is to help other people heal from theirs. Do some volunteer work at a hospital.  I just went through this myself, I know how you are feeling. Geting your mind off yourself and focused on the needs of others not only speeds up the healing process, but helps us learn from the pain.
118409
Is there someone in your family you can talk to about how you're feeling? A close friend? If not, there are hot lines you can call where they have experts available to help you, and help you find solutions to your problems. When people talk about killing themselves, it's usually a cry for help. You need to seek out that help (you've already taken the first step.) There are experts with a lot of experience that can honestly help you deal with whatever pressures, difficulties, or depression is causing you to feel this way. A lot of people have felt exactly the same way you are feeling, and have gotten through it. You're definitely not alone, and happiness is not something that is unattainable, even though it may seem that way now. I wish I could offer you better advice. I certainly know how you feel.
361333
I'm sorry about your brother...My brother did the same thing,\n\nSuicide: Coping when a loved one takes their life\nA loved one's suicide can be emotionally devastating. Reaching out to others or getting professional help may ease your pain, although it may never fully go away.\n\nThe death of a loved one is heart-wrenching and painful. But when the death is because of suicide, those left behind face even more difficult challenges.\n\nOverwhelming emotions can leave you reeling. It may seem like your support system has vanished. And you may be consumed by guilt, wondering if there's something you could have done to prevent your loved one's death.\n\nBereavement after a loved one has taken their own life is often more complicated, intense and prolonged than it is with a death from natural causes. Although you may never fully recover and always feel a loss, you can learn how to cope better and eventually move forward in a way that's healthy.\nBrace for powerful emotions\n\nIt's common for a wave of powerful emotions to wash over you when you first learn of a loved one's death by suicide.\n\nThe immediate emotional response often includes:\n\n    * Shock. Disbelief and emotional numbness may take hold. It's hard to accept a sudden and traumatic death, even if it may have been preceded by suicidal behavior or talk. You may think that this couldn't have happened, that it's not real, or that it's only a nightmare and when you wake up, things will be OK.\n    * Confusion. You may not understand why your loved one died this way. Some people who take their own life don't offer any indications that they're considering suicide, so you may find it hard to reconcile the person you knew with the actions they took.\n    * Anger. It's natural to feel anger about many different things after a suicide. People who were in contact with your loved one near the time of the suicide — doctors, police, emergency workers, friends or family — can become objects of your anger or rage. You may feel they let your loved one down, missed clues about suicidal intentions or could have prevented the death. You may direct your anger at yourself, too. And you may also become angry with your loved one, feeling cheated, abandoned or left with a legacy of suffering and irreparable grief.\n    * Despair. Sadness, depression, a sense of defeat or hopelessness can grip you. You may even consider suicide yourself.\n    * Grief. Sorrow and anguish run deep as you mourn the loss of your loved one's life, and mourn for yourself, as well.\n    * Guilt. Survivors often initially think they could have done something to prevent a suicide. You may replay "what-if" and "if-only" scenarios in your mind, blaming yourself for their death. You may also feel guilty about your interactions with your loved one, regretting an angry phone call, long-ago childhood teasing or postponed visits. You may also feel embarrassed and ashamed that a loved one has committed suicide.\n\nPhysical reactions after a suicide\n\nAlong with these emotions can come a variety of physical reactions to a suicide, including crying, screaming, outbursts and physical collapse. On the other hand, you may be so stunned and numb that you can't cry or react at all.\n\nYou may experience intense reactions that resemble post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), either immediately or in the weeks or months afterward. These can include nightmares and flashbacks — especially if you witnessed the suicide or found your loved one. You may experience social withdrawal and avoid people and places that remind you of the death. You may picture your loved one's last moments over and over as you search for answers or clues about the death.\n\nIt can take weeks or months for the intensity of these emotions and behavioral reactions to subside. And they may linger at low levels for years.\n\nIf you try to ignore your feelings, deny yourself th
631249
hmmm...sounds like a suicide attempt. I  wanted to ignore your post, but I want to tell you, there's counselors in almost every community.  \nSeek help and don't slice that wrist.
136758
I cant even begin to imagine how you are feeling.  I know you want to follow her but would SHE want that?  I can bank that it is no.  You need to seek therapy.  You are very depressed right now.  While thats normal, you need the help to ensure you dont do anything stupid.  The pain you are going through is probably the worst you have ever felt in your life.  Take it one day at a time.  If that doesnt help, take it one minute at a time.  Talk to people.  Let them know how you are feeling just like you did here.  Never let yourself be alone right now.  But do greive her death.  Thats healthy.  You will be fine and every day it does get a little easier.  I have lost 3 kids and 3 sisters and my dad so I can relate a little.  Know that you have a friend here and you are not alone.
324655
I hope you aren't referring to killing yourself....that isn't cool. If you feel overwhelmed by life then TALK TO SOMEONE!!! People do love and care about you, so give them a chance to be there for you. Never make a decision when you are distraught! WAIT A DAY OR TWO, things always look better!!!
108519
I feel your pain.  I hate to sound like everybody else, but suicide does not solve anything.  I am not a therapist, I am simply a guy that knows exactly what you are going through.  I have been dealing with a severe case of depression for a coupple of months now.  I also have had some pretty dark thoughts about how things would be if I was no longer around.  I know you said you don't want to see a theripist.  That is exactly the same way I used to feel.  I at one time felt very alone in this  world.  I thought the entire world was hell-bent of making my life harder than everybody elses.  I would see happy people out and about and it made me want to throw up!  All I wanted was to just have one day where I did not feel any pain, physically or mentally.  I was not wanting to be the richest most popular person in the world, I just wanted to be happy... I did not think that was too much to want out of life.  One day I found myself sitting in my car looking for a good place to put an end to my suffering.  For some strange reason, I just drove home.  The next day I woke up and made an appointment with a theripist to try to get some help.  I have been seeing her for a few months now, and I am feeling pretty good.  I also was perscribed Zoloft.  I used to be against just "masking" symptoms with Meds, but I really do have to say the Zoloft really does seem to smooth out the bumps of everyday life.  \nBack to you... I know you feel all alone in your depression, just know it effects many more people than you would think.  It really does help to talk about what you are feeling with someone you feel comfortable with.  You say you are not afraid of death... I used to say the same thing, I used to think I had already lived "enough" life.  That is untill My best friend from college died a few weeks ago.  We were both the same age, It hit me like a ton of bricks... I have not lived a full life yet.  There are so many things I have yet to experience... I realized I was not ready to end things.  Sure I still get "down" from time to time, but the therapy has taught me to work through things, and not to always put emphisis on the negitive of every situation.  It may sound like a line of pure crap... But Positive Thinking really does work!  You are in controll of your life... try to look for the light at the end of every tunnel.... I assure you, things can get better, but you need to be willing to let those changes happen.  \nI hope I helped you out.  If you ever want to chat to somebody that has been in the same situation you are in, you can always e-mail me jam961@yahoo.com  Sometimes it is easier to open up to a sympathetic ear.  I wish you the best of luck!  I really hope you start to feel better.  Just remember, you are never alone, you have all of us here on Yahoo Answers to talk to.
149534
Think about it, you're angry you hit a wall.  Well some people can feel so miserable (and for a good secret reason too) that they feel the need to do so, thus letting all the pain break free.\n\nIt's like a small pain.  Eat candy and you're suddenly better.  Cutting is a destraction of one's life that can be controlled. Not suicide!\n\n\n-Alexis
394906
I think alot more people than you realize have felt this way. I have suffered form depression also and I have felt that way from time to time. Read my life story (check my questions about this). I have been in an abusive marriage for 12 years and I have not killed myself even though I have thought about it before. I won't do it either because I know that when i put my mind and spirit to it , i can be happy and accomplish anything that I want in life. I look at all the people that I would hurt and leave behind. Not only my wonderful little children but my family and friends who love me. Do you believe in God? have you tapped into your spiritual side? That is what helps me everyday. My brother killed himself 2 years ago and caused so much pain and suffering for every one of us. please don't do it. Continue with your therapist as I will and you can email me whenever you like. Please don't do it. love you, V.
97367
Many people think about suicide when they are hurting. They just want the pain to stop, be it physical or emotional. I haven't done this myself but I once watched a friend try to kill herself without being able to lift a finger to help! She ran across two lanes of traffic than got down on her knees and sommersaulted across the meridian and two more lanes of traffic. When she got to the other side (thank god!) she turned around and sommersaulted her way back again. There were too many cars passing for me to do anything but grab her before she could try it again for a third time. She had a guardian angel looking after her that day. They say God takes care of fools and drunks and I believe it now! I swear I lost five years off my own life that day, watching her go! She was horrified at what she'd done when she sobered up of course. Friends should always stick with friends when they are trying to drown their sorrows. You never know what they might take it into their heads to do while they are intoxicated. Not that I was much help at the time! It all happened so fast that I was caught flatfooted. You are lucky your friend was there to help you and I'm glad that you appreciate it, and that you are both still good friends. Many people avoid others after displaying such abberrant behaviour in front of them. That's what happened with me and my friend. I reminded her too much of what she'd tried to do and she was ashamed. Not that I said anything mean to her about it, but she only had to see me to remember everything and she didn't want to be reminded.
350611
You know, I don't know if this would help you or not but I have found that people who are depressed sometimes feel better by volunteering at a shelter, hospital, etc.  Helping those who are less fortunate than you makes you feel grateful for what you have and also gives you a sense of purpose and meaning in your life.  Also reading the Bible and praying couldn't hurt.  It is all worth a try.  What do you have to lose?  You only have one life and you don't want to throw it down the drain.  You are important and have a reason for being on this earth.  When you have suicidal thoughts you must not dwell on them.  I know this is easy for us to say and we aren't living with your pain, but you have to keep trying.  Do whatever it takes.  Also if the meds aren't working, keep trying different meds and if needed different docs.  I know you have been doing it for 15 years but this is your life we are talking about.  Do it for 50 if you have to!  Good luck and God Bless.
529785
i live with a recovering drug addict and alcoholic..its not heavy drugs but over the 10 years of using they have made him very paranoid and very angry. i love him and respect him for getting help and am very proud of what he has achieved so far but its been very very hard. the first month was horrible the anger inside him boiled over..my feelings however have been pushed aside... i feel very low as all my energy goes in to keeping him happy so he dont go back..i work and am a mother also so i look after him and our daughter...it does take over but there is light at the other end.he doesnt stress outso much and is more loving..the pain at the moment is going away....i hope you stick with him..why not get your self out a bit go do an evening course i do floristry its very relaxing for me and im acheiving some thing...
48555
I am a therapist and my first recommendation is that you call a suicide hotline for a referral to your local mental health center.  The national number is 800-784-2433.  If you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself and that life is unliveable, please go to the nearest hospital emergency room and tell them what is going on.  I know that right at this moment your world looks dark and hopeless, but please have faith that it won't be like that forever.  You took the first step in asking for help here, please take the next step in getting more personal help for you locally.