*Tim lives in the red house\n*Lon owns a pet dog\n*coffee is drunk in the green house\n*Hal drinks water\n*The green house is immediately to the right of the ivory house\n*The truck driver owns pet snails\n*The bike is parked in front of the yellow house\n*Tea is drunk in the middle house\n*Vic lives in the first house\n*the cadillac drive lives next to the man with the pet fox\n*the house with the bike is next to the house with a pet horse\n*the Ford driver drinks Pepsi\n*Winnie drive an MGB\n*Vic lives next door to the blue house\n Who owns the pet hamster?\nWho drinks gin?\nHow did you get your answer?
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First of all you need to realized that there are the following information:\n5 people: Vic, Hal, Tim, Lon and Winnie\n5 colors: Yellow, Blue, Red, Ivory and Green\n5 Pets: Fox, Horse, Snail, Dog and Hamster\n5 Drinks: Gin, Water, Tea, Pepsi, Coffee\n5 Cars: Bike, Cadillac, Truck, Ford, and MGB\n\nDraw a 5 by 5 grid and fill in the following information.\nThese are the steps:\n1. VIC lives in the first house\n2. 2nd house is BLUE\n3. 3rd house drinks TEA\n4. This is where you need to make a decision.  The 3rd and 4th house can be IVORY and GREEN OR the 4th and 5th house can be IVORY and GREEN.  Choose the 4th and 5th house as IVORY and GREEN respectively.\n5. From Step #4 3rd house is RED and TIM lives there.\n6. 5th house drinks COFFEE\n7. 1st house is YELLOW and has a BIKE\n8. The house with bike is next to the house with a pet horse so 2nd house has HORSE\n9. Since Hal drinks water and Winnie drives MGB and Pepsi and Ford are bundled together it must be that Lon who owns a dog drinks Pepsi and drives a Ford.  There's only one house that can fit these criteria: Ivory house.  So 4th house is Ivory and LON with a DOG and a FORD drinks PEPSI\n10. HAL and WATER can only fit into 2nd house\n11. WINNIE and MGB fit into 5th house\n12. SNAIL and TRUCK fit into 3rd house\n13. House with fox is next to house with Cadillac so only spot is FOX in 1st house and CADILLAC in 2nd house\n14. GIN is drank by VIC <-- Answer\n15. HAMSTER is owned by WINNIE <-- Answer
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A guy walks into a bar with a salamander on his shoulder.  He asks, "I'll take a shot, and a cup of water for my buddy Tiny here."  The bartender asks, "Why do you call him Tiny?"  The guy answers, "because he is minute." [pronounced mi-nute]\n\nGet it?  Mi-nute, minute meaning tiny. My newt!  \n\nIt is so corny that it doesn't always translate to the written word.  It needs to be said out loud.
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You Know You're A Redneck When... \n\n1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. \n\n\n2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. \n\n\n3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. \n\n\n4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. \n\n\n5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive. \n\n6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. \n\n\n7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. \n\n\n8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. \n\n\n9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. \n\n\n10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. \n\n\n11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. \n\n\n12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. \n\n\n13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. \n\n\n14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. \n\n\n15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. \n\n\n16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. \n\n\n17. You have a rag for a gas cap. \n\n\n18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. \n\n\n19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean. \n\n\n20. You can spit without opening your mouth. \n\n\n21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. \n\n\n22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. \n\n\n23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. \n\n\n24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart. \n\n\n25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. \n\n\n26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. \n\n\n27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements. \n\n\n28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. \n\n\n29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. \n\n\n30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
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1-the frog is dead\n3-bananas\nIll have to think about 2\noh I got it the begger was a women\nI edited before red rocker I swear!!!!!:)
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It doesn't make sense, so I'd say it's wrong. I THINK this is correct:\nApparently Hazel knew that the cookies were somewhere in the house, for nothing could go in and out of the house without Jake's, the Harkers' Doberman, permission. \n\nRemember, you can take out "the Harkers' Doberman" and the sentence should STILL make sense.
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1. Wie alt ist Sarah?\n2. Wie alt ist Tim?\n3. Ist Sarah verheiratet?\n4. Ist Tim verheiratet?\n5. Sind Sarah und Tim verheiratet?\n6. Jim doesn't live in Paris?\n7. How do you write this?
49257
ooh! I almost missed this one =)\n\nOnce upon a time in Disneyland there was a Victoria's Secret model named Oscar Wilde. All night and all day her third cousin twice removed forced her to scrub the toilet. Then one day, she received a visit from the little old lady who lived it a shoe. The old lady says, "Hi! I am Papa Smurf and I am here to pump... you up. \nLost in an unbearable lightness of being, Oscar says to P. Smurf "how many licks *does* it take?", to which Papa replies, "They are the eggmen. I am the walrus. Goo goo g' joob!" \n\nSo then Oscar and Papa find a field of magic mushrooms and live happily ever after...or did they?
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Complete the words ( the funnier the better )?\n1 if i had 10 fish in a bucket I would be doing better than Michael Richards\n\n2 i had a freind over for dinner and we never talked about it again\n\n3 oh no the monster ate my friend who came over for dinner\n4 follow the yellow brick road -take a right at the lady crushed by the house and keep going until you see the 1st apple tree.\n5 today the traffic jam was too long i made toast\n6 games to play in the car count the people on the cell phone\n7 there is something about thanksgiving stuffing\n8 when it rains cats and dogs I stay inside\n9 i told him that he would be shark bait -but i was wrong...he was actually jail bait\n10 when the worm has turned -it is time to get some more tequila
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I go with C. \n\na) Chickens don't fly very well.\nb)Water is denser than air, and mercury is denser than water. It's true.\nd)But, if the cat is drunk it won't land on it's feet.
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A man is strolling down the street and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The man is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything you want." \n\nThe man begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking \ntequila." Finally the man says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila." \n\nThe Genie grants him his wish. When the man gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like tequila. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like tequila. So he takes a taste and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted. the man yells to his wife, "Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly." \n\nShe comes running down the hall and the man takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is tequila. \n\nConsuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is \nthe best tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and \npartied all night. \n\nThe next night the man comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is excellent and the couple drinks until the sun comes up. \n\nFinally Friday night comes and the man comes home and tells his wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila." \n\nHis wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The man begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Pablo, why do we need only one glass?" \n\nPablo raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, Mi Amor, you drink from the bottle."
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the first pig makes his house of straw because he was lazy and the wolf blew his house down\nafter the wolf blows his house down he runs to the second pigs house.\nthe second pig makes his house of twigs because he was lazy and the wolf blew his house down. after the wolf blows the seconds pigs house down they run to the third pigs house.\n\nthe third pig builds his house out of bricks, he is a hard worker. The wolf knocks on the house made of bricks and says "little pigs little pigs let me come in!" and the pigs say "not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!" so the wolf huffs and he puffs and but he could not blow that house down. So the wolf the a great ideal, so he climbs the to the top of the roof and jumps down the chimney but the wolf did not know that the little pigs were ready for him with a boiling pot of water.
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2 greenbeans cross the road. 1 greenbean gets hit by a truck. They both get rushed to the hospital. First greenbeans waits in the emergency room for hours, the docotor finally comes out, and says: "I've got some good news and bad news... " The greenbean says: "Give me the good news first..." Docotor says: "The good news is he's going to live, the bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life......."\n\nA guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck, and the bartender says: Okay dude, you can come in, but don't start anything!\n\nWhy did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station.\n\nA company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. \n\nOn a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!\n\nThe CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"\n\nA little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"\n\nThe CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"\n\nFeeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"\n\nWith a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."\n\n\nAnd that is all I know!
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This is the first time I've ever heard this version of the joke. I don't know what this is right here, but it makes absolutely no sense. \n\nThere were three guys walking down the street and ran acroos this farm house. The lady said they could stay in the house and have breakfast in the morning but if not they had to stay in the barn. \n\nWHY would they have to stay in the barn?? What were the guys suppose to do in order to stay in the house???\n\nI cannot express this enough; when posting a joke, write it correctly.
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1. Cell phone or house phone?  -Cell, Dragon doesn't have a house phone\n2. House or apartment? - House, so Dragon can play her piano at 1am ;)\n3. Office or warehouse? -Office\n4. Boss or friend? -Happy medium between the two\n5. Mother or father? -Daddy\n6. Chocolate or Chocolaty? -Either one, so long as it is CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!\n\n♥Dragon luvs you♥
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1. footsteps 2. coffin 3.The child was born before 1776 4. Mount Everest, it just hadn't been discovered 5.Clara lives in the northern hemisphere. 6. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until World War II. 7. The word "and". 8.They fall in the same year every year, New Year's Day just arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year. 9.The lady was a Justice of the Peace. 10. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills. 11. Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20. 12. An hour and a half IS 90 minutes.13. "one word"\n14. Penguins live in the Antarctic.15. Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow.16. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a  wooden leg.17. They were husband and wife. 18. He can't because he's dead. 21. incorrectly 22. 23:03 23. None, the boat rises with the tide. 24.White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the Northpole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear. 25. Three. It seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition. So... half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three. 26.Sloppy is a goldfish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him. 27.None. No matter how big a hole is, it's still a hole: the absence of dirt. (And those of you who said 36 cubic feet are wrong for another reason, too. You would have needed the length measurement too. So you don't even know how much air is in the hole.) 28.Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F water hits the bottom of the bucket first. The 30 degree F water is frozen, and the ball would stop when it hit the ice. 29.\nThe time and month/date/year are 12:34, 5/6/78. 30.An umbrella. 31. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.32.The temperature. 33. a shadow 35. Counterfeit money.36. A man with a wooden leg. 37.  Takes over the chicken, returns, takes over the corn and returns with the chicken, takes over the fox, returns again for the chicken. 38.The horse he left on was named "Sunday" and the horse he returned on was named "Tuesday."
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Teacher: "Joey, what is the plural of Ox?"\nJoey: "teacher, the plural of ox is oxen, 'I saw many oxen in the fields'".\nTeacher: "Very good Joey. Now Brian, what is the plural of box?"\nBrian: "uh... Boxen? 'I saw many boxen at the store'"\nTeacher: "no brian, the plural of box is boxes. Joey, what is the plural of Goose?\nJoey: "The plural of Goose is Geese, "I saw many geese flying."\nTeacher: "Very good Joey. Now... Brian.... what is the plural of moose?"\nBrian: "MOOSEN! no, MEESEN! I SAW MANY MOOSEN IN THE WOODSESES!"
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*Good one...here's one 4 you.....George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.\n\nGeorge's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."\n\nGeorge: "But Honey, I promise that I won't drink a drop of alcohol all night!"\n\nSo after begging his wife for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get $hit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.\n\nGeorge: "$hit! The old lady is going to throw my @ss out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"\n\nBill, George's best pal, gave drunk @ss George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.\n\nBill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."\n\nSo, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.\n\nGeorges wife: "I knew that your drunk @ss would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"\n\nGeorge: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."\n\nHis wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.\n\nGeorge's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"\n\nGeorge: "Oh, That's from the guy who $hit in my pants."*