my friend keeps hanging out with my ex-boyfriend who had abused and raped me. she was even there once when he hit me, and she thinks the only reason i'm asking her to stay away is because i'm jealous. i'm actually really worried and i don't know what to do to make her stop seeing him...\nand he even tried to take advantage of her and used violence against her once. what is her problem and how can i get her to stay away from him?
133163
You have already tried to warn her and she won't listen - sadly, she is going to have to learn on her own.  There really isn't anything you can do except perhaps warn her parents about this man's behaviour towards you.  However, once you warn her parents, she is going to be extremely angry with you and she will not want to talk to you - but if you truly want to help her, then you should tell her parents, and let them handle it, and hope for the best - hope that in time, she will understand that you were not jealous, you were simply trying to be a good friend to her.\nIf she does not realize that you were trying to be a good friend, then maybe she is not worth hanging around in the first place.\n\nGood Luck!
561334
Wow...its cool that you care a lot and are empathetic. Well....I think you should calmly ask her what's going on...MAYBE..she doesn't trust guys completely .. not just to single you out, because of her 'ex' that abused her. So..maybe you should ask her what's up and offer help and then she'll think you're trustworthy...and you'll probab;y hang out more...Hope I helped ! : )
122922
You want to be a good friend and I understand that but if I were in your shoes I would let it happen. If you make a big deal or say anything about it period shes going to wig and maybe end up dating the guy even longer just to spite you and that's just counter-productive. In my opinion she made a bad decision dating one of her friends X's but since that's not the question it's neither here nor there. The point is, she knew how he was before she started dating him, she should have known better. I'm not trying to be cruel but people learn things best firsthand. Be supportive, hope for the best, Maybe your X has changed but be ready to console her and help her move on when he screws her over as well.
303136
Absolutely not! Do you know that hatred is the same thing as murdering in your own heart. If she steals from you, she is the one that is sinning, the best thing to do my friend is forgive her. Try this, call her or the next time you see her, tell her that you forgive her for doing that to you, what do you have to lose? HATE IS NEVER THE ANSWER
270319
Sounds like she's a little jealous.  It didn't work out between him and her so she doesn't want him to work out with anyone else.  I think it's more of a hurt ego actually.  The question is why is she so concerned about your feelings that she has to tell you about all his downfalls?  Do the best you can to just ignore it.  It doesn't sound like you two are any type of friends and she's not physically there to make it harder to deal with so when you check your emails and you see her name, just click on that little X and you're done with it.
360565
if he keeps asking you to do things that you don't want to do, then forget about him.  and your friend is not much of a friend if she did that.  forget about both of them.
329957
Honestly what do you expect?  I mean it is your BEST FRIEND'S EX.  Even if she says she's cool about, deep down inside she might not be.  Why don't you ASK her why she keeps bashing your man.  She could be jealous, or she could be telling the truth about how he really acts.  I have two friends who are MARRIED to my ex's, and I'm completely fine with it.  I never knock their hubbies or anything. Of course both of their hubbies are good guys, and I dumped them.
573323
From experience.. she should call the cops, go to court and get a restraining(protective) order and in many cases relocate and do not for any reason call or contact this person. Guys like this mess with the victims head and make them feel guilty for things that they shouldn't.Guys that abuse make the victim scared, depressed, and feel terrible about themselves.It is hard to get away and the person needs much ,much support. It is very complicated but she needs to do the above then talk to a councilor at a domestic violence org.
170289
I had a friend that was doing bad stuff, and i just told him to either stop or we wouldn't be friends, and i know you still wanna be her friend, but the thing is that in most cases she will tell you that she will, and you guys will stay friends. If you won't do that then maybe you should start to say subtle things to her about her behavior, just slip them into your conversations, that way she doesn't feel bad. That's my advice.
278648
I've never been so proud of one of my friends as I was the day one of my girl-friends decided not to fight a girl who was after her. The girl came up and picked a fight, to which my friend did not want, and thus decided not to get involved. The girl punched her in the face three times, spliting open her eye brow, but my friend just took it and didn't lift a finger. The girl gave up, walked away, and my friend went to the police station. My friend had a restraining order put on the girl and she was on probation for quite some time. The girl never bothered her again.\nI suggest you walk away. There's nothing good about violence, so it's better to just not get involved.
157437
thats can be a tough one. maybe talk to some other people and of her family members that may have the same concerns. get together as a group...not a very large group. maybe you a friend and a fam member...keep it small so she doesn't feel like she's being attacked all at once. tell her your concerns. get some information ready on women in abusive relationships....ie: support groups or counsellors that specialize in that area. cause this sounds like its developing into a pattern that you want to nip in the bud now before she really gets in the deep end. explain to her that its out of love and concern for her and her well being. there are some obvious self esteem issues there for her if she feels she can't stand up for herself or let this guy treat her like that. all you state though is he is being mean. how is he mean. there is no excuse, but, what the situation is will have something to do with how to handle it. cause he may need help of a couples counsellor. he may not be aware of his behaviour and how its affecting her. and if they talk it out it may be able to resolve the problem. if he is hitting and being physically or verbally abusive......then she should get out. cause someone does not need to put up with that for any reason. he needs help no matter what...but if its gone to that then talk to her. maybe get feed back from other people phone a victim support hotline on the situation. i'm sure it can be anonymous if you call
641999
Physical violence does not equal friendship in my book.  This friend isn't a friend, but a bully.  You have another friend. Go hang out with her.  Obviously you know that what your supposed friend is doing is wrong because you are writing about it here.  Stand up for yourself against this girl: tell her to leave you alone, tell her to stop hitting you - and mean it! Tell an adult who can help you with this situation.  Friends don't hit/kick/bite/slap/spit or commit other forms of violence against friends.
226284
Well if she said "No" to him and he can't respect that, then tell her not to see him anymore...  If she said "No" and he still did it, then you need to speak to your friend to report it....\n\nYou should not confront him or report it, because she told you in confidence.  When she is ready, she will do so...\n\nJust support your friend in any way that you can.  And try to keep persuading her to report it....
613234
You should have a discussion first with your friend.If she's doing this to you then she's not your friend but your enemy!\nAnd talk to your ex too.Tell him what you feel for him.Maybe he feels the same way.Talking to him is the only way to clear things out...
532532
You know I've been in this same situation. It's really hard to deal with if you guys are so close. I just let my friend be and went to hang out with other people. I would call her and invite her places but she always turned me down because she had already made plans with her new man. This went on for about three months. When she called one day I told her. I'm not mad at you anymore but I would like for you to know that what you did really hurt me. We had been friends for five years and this guy comes and now you act like I don't exist. She apologized and we started hanging out again. Some people just get caught up in situations and forget about the feelings of others. You just have to put yourself in her shoes. If you were in a new relationship you might do the same thing to her. It's something new and right at this time you're just caught up in it. As long as you talk to her and tell her how you feel about it she should make it a point to try and share her time between the two of you. If she just blows you off then she wasn't a good friend to begin with and you'd be better off finding someone who cares about you and what your feelings are. Good luck with it. I hope she comes around.
255710
I say if he is hangin out with her like best of buddies, then something is going on.I talk to my ex but I don't hang out with him.TEll him how you feel, if he defends her then you don't need him because she will always be in the way.The only reason they should be atleast talking is if there is kids involved, otherwise there should not be any reason for them to be hanging around eachother.Good luck !!
141308
You have a problem here.  You need to tell her how you feel.  How much she hurts you and how it hurts you to see her abuse alcohol.  She had a drinking problem and needs help.  As long as you continue to spend time with her, she will hurt you.  In a minor way, you are an enabler for her because you do nothing to stop her.  Yes she has a self control problem.  If she doesn't listen to you or gets defensive about it, tell her that until she gets her act together, you just can't spend any more time with her.  Tell her that she embarasses you, injures you and hurts you deeply within.  Tell her that until she can give you the respect, consideration and friendship that you have been giveing her, you can't afford to spend the energy and emotion on a losing cause...that she is draining you emotionally and physically.  Otherwise, she will keep using you (that is what she is doing) and abusing you.  It is tough to do this and she may get mad and be verbally hostile to you, but it is for her own good...and yours.  Good luck.