I asked a question here last night regarding my boyfriend. He’s 19 and was in an accident recently that caused him to lose his sight. I’ve been with this guy for a year and half now and I love him to death but when I went to visit him in hospital today he told me he didn't want me to come visit any longer and that I'd be much better off without him. What can I do to help him? Why is he reacting this way? I want to help him deal with this situation so badly. How do I get through to him?How do I make him see that I don't love him any less now? Any help would be greatly appreciated
134051
Your boyfriend has experienced a tremendous loss. It sounds like He is going through the classic, Kubler-Ross' stages of grief, which are:\nDenial (this isn't happening to me!)\nAnger (why is this happening to me?)\nBargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)\nDepression (I don't care anymore)\nAcceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) \n\nContrary to the popular notion ("first comes denial, then anger, etc") these stages are usually cyclical, meaning people don't usually experience them like a checklist. They go through multiple stages at the same time although they might express acceptance one day, the next day, denial. \n\nYour boyfriend sounds like he is currently experiencing depression and anger. You seem like a very concerned and loving girlfriend, and I can tell that it hurts to see him this way, but these are very healthy and typical reactions he's having to the lose of his sight. \n\nIt might not look like it to you, but he is dealing with his situation. He needs to work through these stages in order to accept what has happened and move beyond it. If he just suppresses his grief, he'll still eventually have to deal with it. It will be easier now than later.\n\nYou can't, and you shouldn't try to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. My advice to you is to keep being supportive of him (actions more than words)--visit him frequently, show him that you are not going anywhere. When he is ready to ask for help, or go to a support group, therapy, anything, you'll be there for him.\n\nAlso, take care of yourself. It can be very stressful to see someone you love in so much pain. You might want to look it therapy or a support group for yourself.
669619
Answering these questions is difficult because there is always more to it, such as how old are you, how many true loves have you had, things like that.  I was 18 and had the most wonderful boyfriend.  We did love eachother, however, as time went along, I realized that his love for me was a lot more than mine for him.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I knew in my heart that if love isn't pretty much equal, it's not fair to the other partner - so I "let him go".  I think of him alot, and I know he's doing well, so I'm happy for him.  As for what your boyfriend said about losing you and killing himself - that is scary.  However, coming from another relationship with a very controling man, they love to say things like that to keep us in our place.  You cannot be responsible for his actions, keep telling yourself that.  Ultimately we're all responsible for what we do and say - no matter how we try to place the blame on someone else for our actions.  Best of luck!  :)
282959
I don't believe that for a second.  No way you can stay with someone, put up with everything for 14 years and not having feelings.  He's just made/making a choice and the easy way out for him is to convince hisself he doesn't.  He said that for 2 reasons, one to hurt you and the other he's trying to convice hisself.  He'll figure out that he was wrong later, but it will be too late, if he was to want to fix it.  Sorry about your problems.
636441
i have been in the same  situation as he is going to be in. I slit my wrists for the longest time! (i dont now)  The only thing you can do is to talk it through, face-to-face is best!! You MUST let him know that it isn't his fault. Let him know openly that he has been the best--- (blank)______. That you still want to remain friends and that you will always be there for him when he needs it! Let him feel there is still a chance you guys might patch things up eventually. Tell him you aren't closing the door on you guys getting back together. Make sure he doesn't blame himself for not doing something or doing too much of something!\nMUCH LUCK ND LOVE
306859
this needs professional understanding - i beleive your boyfreinds freind has a mental illness - if you are at all concerned with him maybe thinking of suicide - - please contact your local crisis care as soon as possible - if there is no local crisis care maybe suicide hotline - they will give you the information you need to deal with such a heavy situation - if you fear for yourself at all try talking to your boyfreind about him possibly visiting you instead - or talk to a trusted adult
262375
I am also going through a break up right now. My BF of 4.5 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I was happy with him and he was happy with me, but he didn't know what he wanted out of life, blah, blah, blah. He still loves me and I still love him, so I have hope that we will get back together, but I'm not holding my breath.\n\nI too went through the depressed stage. I found that writing in a journal about how I felt helped alot. It let me get my feelings out without being overly emotional in front of other people. \n\nI am now in the angry stage, where I'm just so mad at him for doing this to me. \n\nI've heard that grief has many stages. My advice to you is to not make contact with him. If he calls don't answer and maybe wait a couple of hours to call him back. Make him think that you don't care.\n\nI wish you the best of luck.\n\n(((((HUGS)))))
133013
What kind of love does he have for you if he can't understand you and be patient? I mean even if he really does love you, do you need that kind of love? He needs to understand your situation, your needs and your requests if he can't understand any of those then who cares what he thinks. Don't blame yourself and think about what you're about to do not about what you've done because it definitely wasn't wrong. \nGood luck! :)
452935
Sounds like your girlfriend isn't really in a "fun" mood right now, friend. Honestly, just be there for her. There is nothing you can say or do to help her get over such serious traumas, so always be ready to lend an ear or a hand. I promise this is help you guys get closer, and by the time she's ready to move on with her life, you'll have a better relationship than you would have without any og this.
311532
Just as everyone has said, this is not because of you. This is a way for him to deal with his pain and of course can be very harmful. The best thing you could do is to talk to him about this, and see if he will discuss it with you or get help professionally.
239072
Hello there!\nIt must have been hard to have found that out about your girlfriend after being together for 5 months. I must take medication regularly, and I had the same problem with letting people know I took it. You should feel honored that she shared that information with you. It is so hard to even tell anyone that you have a problem, let alone someone so close to you. She is basically taking an anti-depressant, which regulate the level of serotonin in her brain. A mental illness is a disease, like diabetes or hypertension. In order to control our mental illness, we take medication. Just as someone with diabetes must have insulin. When we don't take our meds, it can cause a recurrence of our symptoms--which often includes suicidal thoughts. If you really care about her, you could try and learn about her illness. Be there to support her. People are often inclined to selfish thoughts, thinking how bad they will feel and withdrawing from the very person that needs us. Everyone has some thing or another that we must "deal" with in a relationship. I have had many relationships when the person I was with could not handle the fact I had a problem. I dont' let it run my life and am very loving and responsible. I am sure people will tell you "horror stories" about their illnesses, and these do occur. You did become her boyfriend for a reason right? Focus on her positive qualities and support her. If you feel like you could not handle it, then the best thing to do is to leave the relationship. Good luck to you!
142329
i understand your situation, maybe he just wants to go away? let him go.You cant hold on to a person for too long.He's told u it hurts, and you say you love him.So why keep hurting him?If both of u'll think it should end or has ended ,let it be amicable.Healing will take time , but it will happen
237967
Well I'm here right with you... The man I feel in my heart is my soulmate has the same problems as your ex... in fact because of the last incident that occured two months ago, were I came home from my father's after visiting for a few hours and he became very physically abusive, I left him... but i guess my heart stayed with him.. I still keep in contact with him, we talk twice a week, I love him more than anyone could ever imagine... he knows that I would take him back but he would need to get help... we tried once a year ago while we were together, but he didn't want the help for himself (he wasn't ready), he was doing it for me... the important thing is not to push them to do anything they don't want because then they may become resentful... I love him so much, it breaks my heart when I see him, because looking at him I know that he's not taking care of himself (he's diabetic, 31, and insulin dependent)... I always remind him that I really fo care and love him, and that when he's ready to get help, I'll be right there with him... just make sure that he wants the help.. if anthing email me... we can chat
480397
I hate to say it but if he really wanted to make it work he would. You've gone out of your way to find time to see him, if he felt the same way you do then he find a way to spend time with you. Not seeing you enough is probably an excuse, he's not strong enough to tell you how he feels and he's probably thinks he's sparing your feelings by blaming the situation instead of telling you how he feels. Give him time and he may come around, but don't wait for him. You should start moving on.
124667
If I was in your position I wouldn't let things get to me.  You need to realize that if someone truly loves you and cares about you they will not treat you like that.  There are plenty of guys out there that would treat you much much better than that.  If you love him and want to be with him just give him his space and maybe eventually he will pull his head out of his a$$.  Don't feel bad and don't cry because I'm sure he doesn't care that you are crying and feel horrible.  Take it easy...the right guy is out there somewhere.
491208
Time heals all things! I was in the same boat about a year ago. I thought I was going to die, I wanted to die. The pain in my heart made me sick(literally), but then one day I realized hey it doesn't hurt as much as it did. It took me almost a full year to get over him, but now I am over him, and I just met the sweetest guy in the world. You just have to make yourself go out and have fun. I surrounded myself with fun happy friends and just made myself have fun. At first I was miserable, but then I started having a good time. Now I can be alone and not be sad. It just took time. I promise it will get better, just hang in there sweetie. If you ever want to talk, hit me up at clabarre81@yahoo.com.
74168
It may be hard for him.  Don't get too upset, after a year's relationship that is probaby a very uncomfortable situation for him.  He is right to tell you not to spoil your life because of him.  Maybe he also felt you were still hanging on for some reason or another and thought the best thing for you, personally, was for him to not be around.  Sounds like he is a nice guy and things just didn't work out.  I would move on.
154208
Well just the fact that he told you, means he is asking for your help. NO, NOT in doing it. In his head he wants to commit suicide, BUT in his heart he knows this is wrong and by telling you, he is actually asking for help. So I think the best thing to do is to get him some help. Call him up and ask that he meets you somewhere. And sit down and see if you can't get him to open up as to why. Maybe its a girlfriend thing where he just got dumped. Maybe it is more serious. But first find out why. And try to talk him into going to the hospital for some help/ Here in MA they have a crisis clinic. This is a place where people can walk in and get help. Since it is voluntarily done they can choose to walk out as well. BUT if an assessment has been made that there is some mental things going on they can commit him. BUT this is only if the session has gone that far into the game so to speak. AND if all else fails go to the POLICE who have access 24 / 7 to the proper professional medical help to prevent him from doing any harm to himself. GOOD LUCK and GOD SPEED.