i dont wanna type this thing all day what are some goofy, dumb, hell even retardid jokes that i can text message to some friends.\nex....how do you make holy water? (first text) the suspince builds up until they ask "how?" then i text.... boil the hell out of it =p
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* Friend’s r forever like the stars that kept blinking In the sky. Though we might b far Apart.. But I Know that u r still Near to Me Whenever I look up... Good night and sleep well. \n* Lying on my bed, Looking at the clock, I know that its time to zzz. I wonder How have U been today... Hope Tat Everything is Fine.. Wish u sweet dreams n Sleep Tight. \n* Morning greetings doesn't only mean saying Good Morning, it has a silent message saying: I remember you when I wake up! Have a nice day! \n* The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile, he wishes you a good morning, hoping that you have the perfect day. Take care & miss you. \n* The Word 'Hello' means H=How R U? E=Everything all right? L=Like 2 hear 4rm U. L=Love 2 C U soon. O=Obviously, I miss you! \n* As u go 2 bed 2nite, I ordered bats 2 guard u tight. I told some ghosts to dance in white, & 2 make sure u r alryt, I’ll ask Dracula 2 kiss ur neck goodnight.. \n* In this lovely nite, I pray 2 the blue moon 2 protect U thru the nite, the wind 2 blow away ur stress N the twinkle stars 2 guide U the way, sweet dreams Good Nite \n* A night hug warms the heart; a night kiss brightens the day, and a good morning to start your day! \n* The sun had rised from the east & birds r singing happily & butterflies R around the flowers. It is time to wake up & give a big yawning & say good morning to u.. \n* I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so just wanna wish u good night....... \n* 5 steps to a LOVELY MORNING  Close ur eyes, Take a deep breath, Open ur arms wide, Feel ur heartbeat, &Say " Its too early. Let me sleep again \n* The best cosmetic for the lips is truth, for the voice is prayer, for the eyes is pity, for the hands is charity and for the heart is love.... GOOD MORNING \n* Let me KISS ur LIPS, Let me FEEL ur TEETH, let me TASTE ur TONGUE, this is your friend COLGATE!      reminding u 2 brush. GOOD MORNING \n* Early this morning God gave me 3 baskets of fruits - \n* LOVE + HAPPINESS + PEACE OF MIND and told me 2 share them with PPL Dear 2 me. I'm sharing all with U...Good Morning! \n* I HAVE OPENED AN EMOTIONAL BANK A/C FOR U IN My HEART Deposit u r love, kisses, hugs in it & I will make sure that U Receive Interest as long as I am Alive... \n\n* Let everyday b a dream u can touch. Let everyday b a luv u can feel. Let everyday b a reason to live bcoz life indeed is beautiful. Have a Gud day. \n* Through each day our goal is to touch one's heart; encourage one's mind & inspire one's soul. May u continually b blessed & b a blessing to others! Gud Day \n* Life is full of beautiful things: soft sunsets, painted rainbows, delicate blossoms, luv & laughter, quiet moments & fantastic people like me. Enjoy \n* Could you do me a faVour..?Put Ur left hand over ur RIGHT Shoulder then Ur Right hand to ur LEFT Shoulder There! I'have just given u a hug! (",) G'd mOrning...!!! \n* Every second God remembers you, \n* Every minute God bless you, \n* Every hour God cares for you because... \n* Every day I pray God to take care of U. \n* Wonderful people r carefully created by God, \n* wonderful moments are carefylly planned by God, \n* wonderful friends like you are carefully gifted by God. \n* If you eve want 2 suceed in your life, be sweet as Honey, Be regular as Clock, be fresh as rose, Be soft as Tissue, Be strong as Rock and be good as !!!!me \n* another month,another year,another smile, another tear,another winter.a summer too... but there  ll never be.........another you! \n* Someone Remembers, Somebody Cares, YOUR Name Is Whispered In Somebody"s Prayers, Keep The Bright Hope Of Sunshine In View, Someone Is Warmly Thinking Of You \n\n* Only the open heart receives LOVE \n* Only the open mind receives WISDOM \n* Only the open hand receives GIFTS \n* and...Only the CUTE 1's receive MESSAGES From ME! \n* When I was a kid, my mom told me that angels live in
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God said, "I am tired of creating living things. let me just create a couple of bone like things to fox them when they're smart enough to find them."\n\nI have decided to be extremely silly for the next two hours. I ask everyone to give me some fun questions. I am starved for good humor today.\n\nWhere are the FSM believers?
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hope you like....\n\nA Blonde's Year in Review\n\n\nJanuary - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight\n\n\nFebruary - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels\n....Hello!!! ..... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!\n\n\nMarch - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6\nmonths......box said "2-4 years!"\n\n\nApril - Trapped on the Macy's escalator for hours after the power went out!!\n\n\nMay - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of\nwater won't fit into those little packets!!!\n\n\nJune - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.\n\n\nJuly -Lost breast stroke swimming competition . learned later,\nthe other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!\n\n\nAugust - Got locked out of my car in rain storm .car swamped\nbecause soft-top was open.\n\n\nSeptember - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???\n\n\nOctober - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.\n\n\nNovember - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!\n\n\nDecember - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!\n\n\nWhat a year!!
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some of you lot answering are either sooooo thick or so sad, just give a thought before putting crappy answers this was from a 8 year old \nits clean, articulate, a great play on word from someone so young\nand its funny too,\nat the end of the day its a joke i you dont get it read it again if you dont have anything positve to write then dont bother to write,\nUPTHERE i've read some of your other jokes and your a funny guy give your nephew a big treat he made some of us laugh
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You could try Googling 'Funny Jokes' then choose a topic.\nThere are millions of jokes out in ether land.
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u want a text buddy by the looks of things...message me or my bird...who knows.......lol
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?idk? want some cornbread with that???\n\n\n*lol* if u want a laugh... look at my screen name...
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Giggle (small one). I've heard it before but we need more clean jokes like that :)
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1 MORE JOKE :\n What is the limit of stupidity ???????????????
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Yeah that is pretty lame! Try some Joke websites. Personally I like Yo momma jokes. No, not b/c I'm ghetto, but b/c they're funny! Anyway, any jokes I could tell you would probably offend SOMEONE out there! (Even the sex jokes.) But if I think of a good clean one, I'll edit it in later.
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What has the world come to? People don't seem to make good clean jokes any more (keyword: good)! Sheesh...\n\nHere's one:\n\nA pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. \n\nThe doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." \n\nThe woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" \n\nExpecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" \n\n"Denise," the doctor says. \n\nThe new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" \n\nThen she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" \n\nThe doctor replies, "DeNephew" \n\n:o)
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Heres some funnies for ya...\nNO PARENT LEFT BEHIND \n\nI promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad. \n\n\n1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM. \n\n2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT \n\n3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33. \n\n4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING. \n\n5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP. \n\n6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE. \n\n7-- \nCARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART. \n\n8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS. \n\n9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE. \n\n10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS. \n\n11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT. (Love it!) \n\n12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK. \n\n13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST. \n\n14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit!} \n\n15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR. \n\n16-- PLEASE \nEXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY. \n\n17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!} \n\n18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL. \n\n19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS. \n\n20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER. \n\n21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR. \n\n22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE \nSOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT. \n\nNOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS. \n\n\n\nQUESTIONS ABOUT 2010 OLYMPICS \n\nNow that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it!) \n\nQ: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)\nA. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. \n\nQ: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)\nA: Depends on how much you've been drinking. \n\nQ: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)\nA: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. \n\nQ: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)\nA: So it's true what they say about Swedes. \n\nQ: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)\nA: Let's not touch this one. \n\nQ: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)\nA: What did your last slave die of? \n\nQ: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)\nA: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
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this is a funny joke. your funny.\n\n**please god let this be a joke and not a real thought..amen.**
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THESE ARE GREAT ENJOY!!!\n A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him\n  and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?"\n The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan Graduate.\n The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he  is a Michigan Graduate.\n The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also a Michigan Graduate.\nNow, you still wanna tell me that joke?"\nThe first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have\n to explain it three times"\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n\nIt was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game\n ...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n  \nDid you hear that the University of MichigaN library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were completely destroyed... .\nthe football team is really upset by the fire; they\n hadn't colored in two of the books yet!\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n\n \n What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann\n Arbor?\nColumbus : 187 Miles\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n What does the average University of Michigan\n student get on his SAT?\n Drool\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\nHow do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch?\nPay him for the pizza\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\nFour college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day:\nA OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad.\nEach proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater.\nAs they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all.\n They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!"\nNot wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad  threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!"\nSeeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.\n\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\nWhat did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad?\n  > >"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"\n\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n A young man hired by a supermarket reported for hisfirst day of work.\nThe manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the\nstore."\nBut, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man\n replied indignantly, "I even played football there!"\nOh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the\nmanager.Here, give me the broom, I better show you how."\n\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n Two Michigan football players were hootin' and\nhollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating.\nThe smart one said proudly that they had just\n finished A  jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months.\nTwo months?!" exclaimed the bartender.\nThe Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 -6 years!"\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********\n A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident.\nHe fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an unplugged the horse just in time.\n  > >************ ********* ********* *********      A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery, when they came upon a headstone that read:"Here lies a\nMichigan graduate and a good man."The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, wh
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lol, im going to email that to some of my friends nice one!\n\nheres a joke in retun...\n\n\n\nThere are three men sitting in a waiting room at a hospital. A nurse walks over to the first guy and says,"Congratulations!You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence," he says. "I work for Twin City Federal." A while later, the nurse comes out to congratulate the second guy. "You are the proud father of triplets!" "That's funny," says the new dad. " I work for AAA." The third expectant father jumps up, a look of terror on his face, and runs out of the room. "Sir, where are you going?" the nurse calls out. He yells over his shoulder," I work for 10,000 Auto parts!"
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OMG!!!! Hahahahahahaaaa!!!! Freakin' hi-Lar-ious!!!!!!\nNever read it that way. Hahahahahahaaa!!!I'm sooo gonna tell all my friends and my family this joke!!:)\n\nThank you sooo much for sharing!!:)
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Joann, keep them a coming, I enjoy these jokes your sending us. I will be passing them along. LOLOLOL *~* lololol