My boyfriend has two boys with his ex, a 4 year-old and a 5 year old. My boyfriend is not divorced yet, but is working with legal services to finish the process. The problem comes when the vindictive ex-woman says to him that she wants to take the children to live in Colorado. Naturally, he said no, because they do have shared custody now. Yet, since they are not divorced and nothing is rigid in what his rights concern, we have very little knowledge what can happen. People have told him there is nothing he can do because she has the full right and court can assist her in leaving, even if he doesn't approve. If that is so, then Justice bears the wrong name. Please, any infromation on this topic would really help!
132738
I have shared custody with my exhusband with our sons.  I can tell you right now that as long as he pays child support and its in their court papers she will have to let him visit with his kids.  She cannot deny his rights no matter how much she wants to.  There is a thing he needs to know about called father's rights.  There is an organization for the rights of fathers.  With my situation my exhusband shares custody and we have always talked about it with our kids because they are involved with this too.  There is something he can do too because i could not keep my exhusband from seeing his sons.  Of course now he chooses not to see his sons because of his retarded alcoholic girlfriend.  Sometimes if you step back and let things happen the way they do it works out better than what you think.  The more he argues with her the worse off she will become.  My advice do like i did let the courts handle it dont fight the decision and let things take its course.  Also keep in mind that since he is still married and he is living with you that can count against him.  I hate to say that but its true.  She can hold that against him in court.  I know about all of this my exhusband was not allowed to live with his girlfriend until after our divorce.  In the divorce is where all things should be stipulated and rules set forth.  If he pays childsupport she will have to let him visit with his sons no matter what.  Don't let it stress you to the point it gets out of hand she is using the kids as stomping ground for him.  She is mad because he has decided to move on without her see what i mean?  After awhile things will work itself out.  I promise on that one.
196147
I'm not an attorney so the best person to ask would be to have a free consultation w/ an attorney you find in the yellow pages. But from my understanding you can revoke his visitation rights w/ a modification to the decree/order. If he tried for shared parenting later it all depends on the circumstances and the judge but it is possible.
66381
This is an Issue your Friend is going to have to sit down with the Ex, and have a heart to Heart about. \n\nalthough he probably has no desire to grow up. Eventually tings will reach a point and it will force the change. \neither the Friend will do it through court. (if she is willing to collect evidence for a judge to review) or something in life will knock him down. \n\nJust remember You can't change him \nBe there to support the daughter, so she does not suffer needlessly.
69008
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
254597
Are you not wanting the children?  My exhusband spends no time with his children and well as upset as I was about before I am no longer upset.  Full custody... physical custody or sole custody?  I would go ahead and sue for sole custody removing him of rights to the child so it is no longer sparatic and emotionally draining or damaging to the child's self esteem and well being.
50765
Talk to a lawyer.  You may have a case for child abandonment.  It happened with me.\n\nMy ex-wife left with the guy across the street.  I moved with our daughter (told my wife that we were), she didn't do squat.  Only called for a month or so, then just quit calling.\n\nAfter a year or so, I contacted an atty, and he filed the abandonment paperwork and 3 months later - she has no rights whatsoever.\n\nAfter 13 years, I still haven't heard a word from her.\n\nIt is especially sad that a woman would abandon a child.  she gave birth to it, cared for it and then decided that it was to much for her to deal with.
53719
So, he has a conditional residency right now? If he does, and you guys got a divorce before the two years, he loses it. There's a reason they put conditions on it, they want to make sure the marriage was authentic and not just to get his residency. I don't know if there's anything he can do because this is going to look bad in the eyes of the BCIS. BUT you are the U.S. citizen, so it's more likely that the court will grant YOU the custody.
39212
He cannot "sign away his rights", because he has no rights in the situation; he only has a responsibility.  Specifically, he has a responsibility to support the child he fathered.  Whether he wants to have anything to do with the child is irrelevant.  Not to put to fine a point on it, but your fiance sounds like an a**hole.
493885
Wow, sounds like you're going through a really tough time.  I think the judge would order that your boyfriend and the baby be seperated until such a time as your boyfriend learns to leave you alone.  Wait until the child is much older and understand a lot more, like around 8 or 9.  Then tell your child (be honest) about what has gone on between you and his father.  If the child says that she/he would like to know his or her father it's only right that you give them a chance to meet no matter how much stress it puts on you.  I firmly believe that everyone has a right to know their father (or mother).
32908
Probably yes.  After completion of anger control, domestic violence counseling, and any jail time.  \n\nBut if mom can show that ex is a threat to kids, she can take out a restraining order against him.  \n\nIf ex can convince the judge that he's changed, he is sorry for what he did, and still genuinely care and love the kids, he may be able to get supervised visitation rights.
329660
I know a lot of states won't allow the argument that one parent works and has to take a child to a sitter and the other parent doesn't.  I went through this same argument with my ex husband.  I worked full time, and he didn't.  The judge said that it wasn't admissible into court as long as I had a safe place for my son to be while I was at work.  The judge then ordered that he had to watch my son when I was at work, so I wouldn't have to pay a babysitter.  Even if you don't get full custody, you can probably get to have your child whenever your ex is working or away from home for an extended period of time-ours was two hours.  The fact that he is a corrections officer doesn't really help him.  The judge is going to look at your charecter more than your job, unless your job is illegal.  My husband is a truck driver, and his ex is a stay at home mom, and we still won full custody of his three girls.  Come on, most truck drivers have a really bad rep of being vulgar jerks, but it didn't seem to matter.  If he is calling the police and claiming you are refusing to return your child when ordered, have the visitation drop off changed to the police station.  There is always someone there, and they make great wittnesses to pick ups and drop offs.  That is what we had to do.  My husband's ex kept bringing the kids home two and three hours late, but as soon as we moved pick up and drop offs to the police station it changed.  Evey time you drop your child off with him, they can give you documentation that you were on time and the child was in good health, ect.  Also, keep a copy of your custody arrangement handy.  That way when he says you're breaking it, you can pull it out and show you are following all of the guidelines it gives.  If you can record every conversation you have with him.  If you can't record them, keep a journal and write down everything he says and does around you.  If you keep it up all the time, not just sometimes, it is admissable in court, and it will give the judge a good idea of the kinds of things he is saying and doing to you.  Just keep on doing the best you can.  It won't be easy, but don't despair.  Let him keep being a jerk about everything.  As long as you document EVERYTHING he will hang himself in court with his behavior.  Good luck and God Bless:)
675083
NO.  Not at all.  I wish I'd had that option.  My girls were about the same age when my ex and I split.  I'd been a stay at home mom and the tech industry had few jobs so I wasn't marketable in my old field.  I wanted to go back to school and finish my degree - something hard to do with little babies.\n\nBut my ex was an ass and his 2nd wife would have forced him to sue me for custody and I might not have gotten them back.  Too bad we couldn't have cooperated.  He can now say he wishes he'd been more agreeable and helped me out that way.\n\nNO you are not a bad mom because right now you are falling apart from the stress of a toddler, a new baby, new mom hormones and a pending divorce.  Wanting to pull yourself together so you CAN be the kind of mom you want to be is a very courageous thing to do and is NOT wrong for your kids.\n\nIt sounds like you would benefit from a therapist.  If you have medical insurance, it should be fairly cheap.  If not, there usually are organizations that can provide licensed therapists on a sliding scale.  I know that Jewish Family services does this and you can see someone as cheap as $5 a session depending on your income.  (it isn't religious based counseling..its the same stuff you'd get anywhere, therapists are truly licensed and you don't have to be Jewish).\n\nFamily Services that aren't run by religious organizations are also out there.\n\nPerhaps you two can work out a 50/50 agreement.  One week with you, one week with him.   If you did this, would he have somone for daycare so he can work?   \n\nQuite frankly you don't sound selfish but you sound both overwhelmed (2 little ones is hard) AND maybe depressed.  Do find a therapist.\n\nYou might also consider sharing a house with another mom, maybe with slightly older kids and sharing the responsibilities.\n\nAsk him to take them for 2 weeks for now (don't make any permanent arrangements just yet).  You do need a rest.  A 2 month old and a 2 year old just doesn't amount to a lot of rest and again, you sound depressed.\n\nIf he isn't cooperative is there another family member that can help?  Or maybe someone who can give you a little cash so you can hire a teenager to come keep the kids busy and maybe help with the house for a few hours every afternoon.  Young teens are often very happy to get such a job but expect to pay around $5 an hour.\n\nAre you part of a church?  There may be a woman's group who will spell you the same as a sitter.\n\nAsk a neighbor.  A lot of moms have been in your spot and may be happy to help.\n\nAnother trick that helped me was to go to the gym.  That helped because it meant that for 2 hours every morning, someone ELSE watched my kids, I got to talk to some adults, get a good workout and know I'd have a shower and my teeth brushed by 11am (which, as you know, is nearly impossible in your current situation).\n\nIt does sound like your ex is not giving you a bad time so DO ask for the help and DO find a therapist.  IF you are depressed (and the hormones caused by a new baby and the stress of a divorce are killer) you need help or this may get worse.\n\nDon't let your family and friends talk you out of something you need.  Tell them if they want to help, they'd be at your house helping DO stuff, not just telling you what they THINK you are doing wrong.   You have said they have a great dad.  I don't think moms are superior to dads and kids need both.  Time with dad won't hurt them, it will help them and him.  \n\nYou aren't abandoning them, you are just wanting a bit of time to pull yourself together.  That's a good thing and a mature thought.  Quite frankly if you get more depressed you could be dangerous so head your instinct to get help.\n\nYoung kids do great with ANY loving caretaker even one who isn't family.  It is older children that need the guidance of a parent.  All this effort people put into staying home with babies.  It
13947
What he is doing is another tactic of power and control. If he wants to talk about the children, one of you can contact a local mediation program. Maybe your local YMCA has one or a nonprofit. Contact legal aid or the program that assisted you with the restraining order and ask if they know how you can get a divorce without him signing. Many times they have attnys that do pro bono work for woman in abuse cases.\nThere are times once the restraining is droped/ or the woman starts talking to her partner when the order is still in place that the abuser becomes even more abusive. So then the courts realy step in and the mother is realy questioned about can she provide a safe home. And the mother then has custody issues with the state. We are dammed if we do. Or dammed if we don't. When we suddenly are separarted from our partner, after loving him for so long and having children together etc. Being alone is scary. When we were with him we knew what to expect. The beatings the dirty words etc. But when alone we are unsure. So please find a support group through a woman's program. They will respect and understand your fears. It isn't worth having CPS or another state agency in your bussiness. But if he realy hurts you this time and you die who would protect the kids?\n Stay strong, you can make it!
337482
yall need to take this witch to court, cause if he aint on the birth certificate, he might not be his, thus he aint gotta pay nuttin, and if he is the father, she cant do that, he needs to take her to court and let them set child support, and then the game is over.if she trys to stop visitation granted by court, she goes to jail.he needs to put her in her placce, how does 11 more years of her crap sound??thats what i thought, she cant run shit but her mouth, also, if it comes out this kid isnt his, did you know you can sue her for all the money he has put out?? save your receipts and make sure he never pays her in cash again.i have been through that. need more advice, email me at fairyprincess122076@yahoo.com
95549
I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. However, you may be able to improve it. First you will need to contact the State or local BAR association and ask them to recommend a good lawyer that will either work for free (pro bono) or at reduced rate. Explore you options with your lawyer including cutting your ex completely out of your lives. Once done, the lawyer probably will be able figure how your boyfriend can share custody or adopt your girls. Good luck.
179597
to be honest w/ you. the best thing to do is just move away and live some where else due to his threats. he maybe trying to scare you. but you can never be sure. as far as his last name. you can use yours. but be warned if you take him to court over child support. the judge may order the name changed to his if the father ask for it.but as far as his family there. you have the right to say who is allowed in there. you don't have to allow his family there if you don't want them there.
225171
ok #1 if he is paying child support then he has every right to see them...i mean legal right...go to the courts and tell them that he has been paying child support for how ever long and tell them that he was awarded visitation rights and that he has not got to see the kids...tell them why and they should contact her and let her know that she has to let him see them....unless he has been proven unfit..then they may ask for supervised visitation...but it's better than nothing......and it's free......let the courts handle it..and if he has been awarded visitation then she could be in trouble for not upholding to that....who knows...it's worth a try...GOOD LUCK!!!!!!