I'm a lesbian, and I met someone back in February who is bisexual. She told me about 2 diff men she was involved with, but neither of the 2 lived in the same state. One of them, she told me it was nothing physical and the other was married with kids and she hardly ever saw him...Yeah, sounds crazy, I know. Anyway, she and I proceeded and things moved sorta fast, I admit. I allowed myself to develop feelings for her. She and I spent A LOT of time with each other and enjoyed each others company very much. All of a sudden, the married guy came into town and she promised me that we would still c each other. Well, first of all, when he cms, she never knows how long he's staying. With him being here, she has neglected me, but she still tells me she wants to be witht me. She tells me everyday to wait for her, but I'm realizing the whole things isn't fair...I know I need to and I can get over her, but I don't know what to...What would you do???
133144
Okay I am a bisexual male so it may be a little different for me but here is my advice anyways. (Also I have been in a similiar situation and I have a little insight.)\nThe FIRST thing you need to do is decide how important this girl is to you and are you willing to tolerate her going back and forth on you. IF YOU ARE NOT--then take my advice and break all ties with her. It may hurt at first but if you keep dealing with her you are just reopening a wound over and over and it will never heal. Trust me in this...been there and I wish someone would have told me that. Could have saved myself a whole lot of pain and a broken heart if they would have.
285202
I think that we have all negleted a friendship when a man came into our life.  It sounds like she is the kind of person who has never had a boyfriend, or someone who really cared about her, and she wanted to do anything to hang onto him.  Forgive her, she just wanted someone to love her like your husband loves you.  You will always have a special place in her heart and now she realized that she screwed up by not being around
161877
No, but I did know a guy once that after I had sort of fooled around with him (we didn't do very much) that we were talking and in the middle of some conversation he mentioned that he had a girlfriend and that he was bisexual. I think he actually thought that if he came clean and said he was bisexual that somehow that made it okay, but when I asked if his girlfriend knew he said no he didn't know how to tell her. And I remember being a bit sarcastic and saying something like "You just say, hey I love you very much, but I want you to know that I'm bi." I think he just laughed and said it wasn't that easy. I asked him if he loved her, he said yes. Then I asked why he was out having sex with guys then (since earlier he had told me that he had met this guy and they did this or he met this guy and did this, etc). He said because he liked having sex with guys. I remember kinda scorning him a bit about not being faithful to his girlfriend to which he simply replied "But I'm bisexual". I remember saying very clearly "That doesn't mean that this isn't cheating. If she doesn't know and she hasn't said it's okay for you to sleep with guys or even to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, then as far as I'm concerned this is cheating." Ironically he had the nerve to contact me a few years later to tell me he was going to marry her. I asked him if he was still having sex with guys, etc. He told me he wasn't. Then I talked to one of my gay friends who was talking about a guy that sounded familiar that he had sex with a few nights before. I asked his name and sure enough it was him. I went to his work and confronted him about it and he admitted that he had had sex with my friend and then casually mentioned a few other guys I also know. I told him he better tell his fiance, since he still hadn't, or not marry her if he didn't want to do that and that if he didn't tell her and was still going to marry her that my friends and I were going to tell her. I guess that was enough because he broke off the engagement and eventually a few years later did tell her that he was bisexual. To which she calmly replied "Oh neat!" And from conversations with her about it she said that it wouldn't have bothered her if he had wanted a boyfriend, too, so long as the boyfriend was bisexual and it was okay for her to sleep with that guy, too. (to each their own I guess) The point was that he was scared to tell her and in the end she would've been fine with it. Last I checked, he hasn't even dated or been with a girl in a long time and is actually now in a long term relationship with a guy.\n\nAs for me, I'm in a committed relationship myself. I don't know too many guys that have been with girls and slept with guys. I have met atleast one or two straight guys that occasionally like to get a bj from a guy (I know because they often went to some of my gay friends to get them....which at first shocked me, but once they explained that it was better than masturbating and that really it would be better if they could just find a girlfriend but that you take what you can get....oddly many of them are now married and they met those girls through us gay men who with our help usually introduced them and everytime I see them they seem very happy, one that I know even has three kids already...and according to the girl, who was a friend, they have a very healthy sex life)
279329
I went through this same dilemma. I came out during my sophmore year of highschool. And there was the most drop dead gorgeous guy there. His name was Gary. Let me tell you. Anyways, I wanted to be with him very badly, but did not know how he felt. So I befriended him. We started hanging out, and stuff like that. Well two years went by and still nothing. Well in December of our senior year a bunch of us were out at a  party. His girlfriend was there and everything. (He had this girl for 3 years now) Well I went outside for a smoke, and he followed me outside and complimented me on my new glasses. Ok no big deal. Well we sat there and talked, smoked a few cigs and went back in. My best friend and I decided to get into the hottub. We had been sitting there for about a half hour or so when Gary came in. My best friend got out and went to go get a beer. I mentioned that my shoulder was buggin me from a fall I had taken earlier that week. So he reaches over and starts to rub it. Then we kissed, and ended up ditching the party and ****ed all night long lol. The next day he dumped his girl and him and I have been in a relationship ever since. So even the most straight acting guys may be gay. You just never know!
298238
It's always hard when a friendship comes to a cross roads, and then to (possibly) an end. \n\nYour friend is 14, you are 17. That might only seem like 3 years, but it almost lightyears away from eachother. She is just really getting the idea that she is a sexual being at all, and (not knowning how long you've been out to yourself) I'm assuming that you've come to terms with your sexuality at least some time ago. She is going to be feeling uneasy, becuase what can that mean for her? She probably did/does look up to you, even if she was always telling you what to do! :) She is probably really freaked out. Tell her that you know who you are, and what you want and you don't want that to affect your friendship. Tell her the ball is in her court, and that a friend doesn't try to change someone. Then tell her if she is interested in hanging out, or asking questions so that she can understand what is going on with you, you will be there. If she cannot, or will not, do any of these things.. you will just have to move on. It sucks, and it isn't right....but just know that there are people out there who will like you and want to hang out with you for YOU, not because you are/aren't a lesbian.
431430
No insult here, but your runner up in the great sensual game of her life.  Of ALL the people she has met... YOUR SECOND.  The other woman ... SHE'S FIRST.  If the other woman didn't exist, you two would be romping around in sensual glee... but, my dear, you are Al Gore to her G.W.Bush.  Painful as it may be your 49% to her 51%.  If you can deal with that and WAIT until it MAY POSSIBLY SOME DAY GO BAD, then you are pathetic and don't have self esteem, because while she is deep down on the other girl, your going to be all alone eating bon bons and ben and jerries just waiting for your turn to taste her.  FIND SOMEONE THAT'LL MAKE YOU NUMERO UNO.  Don't settle for runner up in someone else's race. You want someone to say "You are the only person I have ever wanted to be with for my entire life."  Instead your waiting for "Now that the other girl is gone, hey lets have fun."  Grow some self worth, grow some balls, and find YOUR mate.  Go right now, find someone else.
572170
I understand your problem, my best friend is completly straight and I am bi, when i say he is straight he is. But like you I have  a crush on him and still do,we have and still do go place with each other but I try not to let my self get to close to him. Just be there for her when she needs you but don't cross the line again unless she cross first.
246603
I agree with anastasia...chat her up and see what happens. But before you do that, you should consider a few things. Do you really know how she feels about lesbians in general and you being a lesbian in particular? Do you have any reason to think that she might be bi or a lesbian? It happens to all of us, one time or another we end up falling for a straight friend. And just like a straight person can't turn a gay person straight, the same can be said for the opposite. If you know the answers to the above questions and decide to chat her up about it any way, be prepared for her to say that she is straight and just wants to be friends. At that point you can decide if you are willing to remain friends and NOT EXPECT her to do or be anything she is not, or if you are too into her and can't leave it alone, you'll have to leave her alone altogether.  Good luck!
409284
The fact that she is continuing to see this other guy makes it clear to me that she is not interested in working on the marriage.  If she was truly sorry, she would have immediately ceased all contact with her lover.  Sorry to say, but I think you should move on.  I know it seems that people today take their vows too lightly and divorce is easy, but in your case, I don't think this woman is worth waiting or fighting for.  Whether or not you are to blame for her falling out of love with you, she betrayed your trust and continues to do so.  Find a woman who is worthy of your love and devotion and let your wife screw up someone elses life.
42650
HELLO marygreen38 WELL THE QUESTION U ASKED ABOUT YOUR FRND IS QUIET COMMON IN TODAYS MODERN ERA BUT BEING MODERN DOES NOT AT ALL MEAN THAT SHE WILL CARRY ON WITH SOME OTHER GUY BEINGN A MARRIED LADY..........\nU TOLD THAT SHE LOVES HER HUSBAND A LOT,,, THEN WHAT WAS THE NEED OF JOINING IMATCHUP. THIS IS TOTALLY WRONG ON HER PART.........\nTELL HER, THAT IF SHE AT ALL FEELS THAT HER HUSBAND IS NOT ROMANTIC ENOUGH THEN SHE SHOULD MAKE A FIRST MOVE TO BE ROMANTIC WITH HER HUSBAND..........\nIF SHE THINKS THAT SHE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING THEN IT IS NOT POSSIBLE AT ALL THAT HER HUSBAND SHOWS HIS ROMANTICNESS. MAY BE ITS POSSIBLE THAT TILL TODAY SHE DID NOT BECOME ROMANTIC AND HER HUSBAND FEELS AS IF SHE IS NOT ROMANTIC........\nITS NECESSARY IN A MARRIAGE TO SIT AND SHARE UR FEELINGS TOGETHER NOTHING IS GONNA HAPPEN ALL ALONE............\nWE ALL GET MARRIED TO GET SUPPORT OF A PARTNER WHO WILL STAND BY YOU ALL YOUR LIFE NOT JUST FOR ROMANCE..........\nASK HER, THAT IS SHE HAVING ALL THE RIGHT INFORMATION ABOUT THT GUY WITH WHOM SHE IS DATING? IS HE AS LOYAL TO HER AS SHE IS? IS HE NOT CARRYING ON ANY AFFAIR WITH SOME OTHER GIRL? I DONT THINK THAT SHE WILL BE ABLE TO ANSWER ALL THESE QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nASK HER TO BE LOYAL TO HER HUSBAND BECOZ HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL BE THERE TO HELP HER AT ANY PINT OF TIME AND NOT THAT GUY OF IMATCHUP..........\nTHAT'S ALL I WANT TO SAY..........
432663
hey, leave it out guys he wrote "in love" he's distinguishing between saying he loves her and being "in love". so u say she's great and u must be feeling the butterflies in your tummy and everything.. i know that feeling, i'm still feeling it after six months and loving every minute of it..and i'm glad i took the risk...i wanted to bail at the start because i had been burned badly in the past and was afraid of the really strong feelings i was feeling..afraid of being hurt again\nbut there's no fun without the risk...and there's never a guarantee\n\ntake the chance, enjoy your time with her, if she's as great as u say she is then she won't treat u as a doormat and take advantage of u, love is a two way street... she'll be thrilled to have found a partner who's not afraid to show his feelings!\n\nand it'll work out...\n\nand if it doesn't be glad of the time u had together, of the feelings u felt.. i never thought that i'd be able to open up and let someone in.. but i could and i did and it was the best thing i ever did..\n\ncut the girl some slack, sounds like she's worth it...enjoy the time and good luck :)
49251
It's up to you, but Let me tell you a little story."there once was this girl that kept getting played by all the guys she ever been with, so she began to think it was something wrong with her and she didn't go out with guys anymore, for about a year or so, then one day she decided to go out with a guy and they had been talking for about three months, kinda like you, and then the guy asked her if she would like to date on a permanate basis, she played hard to get for about a month after that in fear of getting her heart broken, now this guy though was different from the rest, he, treated her well, told her the truth about EVERYTHIMG, NEVER KEPT A Secret from her, unless it was for a surprise or something like that, but the Guy got tired of waiting for her so one day he asked one of her friends, "Am I wasting my time, becuase I really like your friend but she's not talking to me" The girl knew then that she was about to loose this guy, one who finally was different from her usual guys, so she went out on a limb and went with him, and you know what?.................................................................................................................................Now there happily married and the girl is very happy she chose to give it one more shot"  So dont give up we as women have to hold our heads high and kept it up and never let a man, keep us from reaching our goals or dreams and Never let on idot keep you from missing out on Prince Charming. And if later on the down the line, if this guy you with doesn't work out, wipe the dust off your feet and keep steppin.
586172
Well if she got engaged to him then she has the intention of marrying him, but if she's having doubts then maybe she sould move on. You can't always take someone else's word on things, although it sometimes could land up in you being hurt. Something I can't comprehend is how can you spend one month with someone then make a commitment with the intentions of spending the rest of your life with that person, I mean it's not possible to know someone in one month. It takes months, sometimes years to get to know someone. Does she want to go into a marriadge not knowing her partner? If so then she's taking a chance. She shouldn't be so desperate, rather tell her to not enter such a commitment  so soon. Rather take time than later on sit with regret.
145065
The lesbian thing fits...cus you don't seem to have along term plan in mind with someone that could otherwise be a candidate for...I think you can save the friendship if you take the time and consideration to explain to him that its not him, its you and it wouldn't hurt to let him down easy by saying you knew if you could feel for a man the way a woman normally does, I thought you would be the man that could do that for me..but your feelings don't go there..so it would only be fair to both of us to remain friends. It might be a stretch but you owe the friendship that.
295611
I want to say that your friend is wrong for going about it the WRONG way. She should have been honest and maybe it wouldn't feel so bad when it's happened. You have every right to feel betrayed because she was not completely honest with you. Nevertheless we all are humans and as the person before me stated, people act on their instincts. She had a crush on him, or maybe she thought she did or whatever it may be, the realization is that they're having that special thing while you're hurt from it. What I would do is move on. I'd give her my well-wishing and if I could handle being friends with her, I'd maintain contact with her. Don't fall for the "third-wheel" plots, I hate those, make sure to avoid them because you may find yourself becoming extremely angry at your friend and her not knowing it. That's all I can see myself doing in this situation is just moving on. Good luck with this.
197250
Be fair man..... choose :)  Don't be stringin them along.  That's not right or fair to any of you.  Pick one and tell her how you feel and tell the other that there is 'no future' with you.  That way you aren't lying abotu your feelings, but you are making your boundaries clear.  I'm sure you have a preference if you really think about it :)   Good Luck!!
539666
Ah, the jealousy of protecting him for you is greater than the opportunity for her to touch you.  Definitely--you are not a lesbian.