My boyfriend and I have been together for a month now. He said he's afraid to fall inlove with me bcoz all his past relationships were all failures. Esp his relationship with his last gf. His last gf really messed with his head. I want him to finally get over her and move on. I love him so much but I just cant stand it when he keeps on asking me about his past gf. It hurts me but I want him to be cured. What should I do? Please help.
138594
Honestly just give him time. He needs to learn that he can trust you and the only way hes going to do that is by spending time with you. Eventually he will realize you're not trying to hurt him. Do fun things together like playing sports or going camping. Talking about it will always help. LEt him know that you're there to listen and will do anything he needs. but if this presist for more than a few months then id tell him to see a doctor because he prolly has a chemical inbalance.
601305
You haven't been doing anything wrong. He has made the mistake. I know this because I almost lost my girl because of the same mistake. He's taking you for granted. Hes so used to you being there and the things you do he's forgotten what he did to deserve those things from you. You just have to make him aware, because he's confident that you won't go anywhere else. You probably won't but that doesn't give him the excuse to not do the things that make and made you happy and want to be in this relationship in the first place. Hope things work out and don't settle for anything less then what you want.
667093
Now, this is my favorite one: 'Let him go, if he comes back, he is yours, if he does'nt, he never was' \nI believe in this, because it happened to me. \nI am guessing he cheated on you, or something.. and now you have trust issues. \nHappens!!\nDont wait for him to screw up, it wont work. I know, because I waited for my gf to screw up after she cheated and we got back.\nYou will only end up screwing your thought process!!\nWhat you are doing right this time to you are a lot mature and hopefully going slow. Which is good. \nLove him for what he is to you and for what he will be for you tomorrow. Dont resuscitate the past. \nI strongly feel you are going to make it. Just take it one day at a time, discussing your future and stuff is good and sounds ideal, but if you have had trust issues, I would not recommend you make long term plans.\nWhat say??\nCheers!!
72168
I have the same problem, ive been hurt by friends and family and i STILL think up conspiracy theories. Talking with him will help some, but the change has to be WITHIN you, the only thing he can do is make his life a little more open for you. I try to be as open and honest with my GF as possible, that way she can trust me more, also i tell her where ive been and she even knows my E mail password. She knows who is on my buddy list and who ive called. I do all of this so that there WONT be trust issues in our relationship. BUT she could still be paranoid, so she has to just admit to herself, that if im cheating on her, then it DOESENT MATTER, she will just break up with me and move on, or if i truly repent then fix the problem and continue the relationship. But you HAVE to let it go, go out on a limb and put yourself out there. once you say it doesent matter, and you have "let that person go" then that takes away any walls that were in your relationship before.
459966
OK first of all vow to never vow that you will never date again! and i had them same thing happen to me, calm down things will get better.Just because you have gotten hurt so many times doesn't mean all guys are bad. You just need to move eon, you don't love him you just had lust for him, i know you hate hearing that because everyone hate hearing it. Just remember this little thing, nothing lasts forever so,live ti up drink it down avoid bull sh** and have no regrets cause a t one point what you did was exactly what you wanted. I f he cheated on you then he is not worthy of you! The only reason he cheated on you was because he had to make himself look good and make you look like the innocent type that can be easily broke and tamed. Never get to attached until yopu are absoultely sure that person would do nothing to hurt you, a way you can do that is ask ur friends to see what he says to his friends. I did that with my bf and they said he always talked about me and this other chick. Thats how i got the hint that he was cheating and then i dumped him b4 he could hurt me.All you nned to do is watch out
468577
There really isn't anything you can do. Only time can really help. Trust me. I know from experience. I have been hurt many times in the past and I've just recently began to open up to my current boyfriend after 5 months. There really isn't anything you can say to them either because honestly we've heard it all before. We heard the same thing from the exes and so when you say them, they don't really mean anything at first. So just give it some time and eventually people do start to come around and open up more. It just takes time.
326983
Hopefully his love for you will over come his fear.  He needs to look at you and see you and your relationship as something unique and not a part of his past or be comparing it to anything that has happened in the past.  Ultimately he will only be able to be happy and find true love with you if he looks to the future and puts his past behind him.  Explain to him this is about the future and while there are no guarantees in life, he can be sure that if he doesn't commit to you he will never be able to receive all the love that you have to give to him.
470170
Sounds like you are having second thoughts about giving him a second chance.  Not only did he break the trust in your relationship, but he did a little shattering of your confidence too.  You can't let anyone shatter your confidence, so if this is torturing you and making you think thoughts that are killing you, then it may be something you need to let go of.  When you forgive someone that means letting go of all the hurt and moving on to the next step and it seems like something that you are not able to do.  If you love him and you think that he is heartily sorry for what he did, then let it go and move on with your relationship.  If not, then you need to let him go and do whatever he has to do and you go do what you have to do.  It sounds like you still think he is misleading the both of you and you can't live like that!  It will kill you!  Make that decision on your own, don't wait for it to backfire.  Usually your first mind is your right mind. You are more important than anything.  I was in a situation like that once and it didn't work out for the good, not saying that is the case with your situation, but you should always go with your first mind. I know it will be hard, but it will work out better in the long run.
621879
inthisskin22x,\n\nWhether your boyfriend suffers from a mood disorder or not doesn’t change the fact that he is trying to manipulate and control and abuse you. So far, you have allowed him to succeed. I hope that you will remain firm in your resolve to leave him behind. It is the only solution – no matter what he says or how you feel.\n\nThe reason that I am answering your question is that you have touched my heart, and I care about what happens to you. My concern is that you will begin another relationship without resolving your own issues. Your boyfriend has issues that make him unsuitable for anyone at this point, but you are not ready for the new relationship that you seek either.\n\nPlease don’t make the mistake of rushing into another relationship before you correct the problems that got you into this mess in the first place. You probably think that all the problems that you experienced with your boyfriend will not influence your next relationship, but you suffer from low self esteem.\n\nYour low self esteem caused you to allow yourself to be treated in a way that no one should be treated. It is also the reason that you have to ask everyone else what you should do instead of just refusing to allow yourself to be mistreated. Boys and men like your boyfriend are attracted to girls or women with low self esteem. It is the only way they find someone to mistreat.\n\nI know how to help you with the low self esteem, but it is not an overnight thing. To really be successful it could require up to 3 months depending on your desire and commitment to work at it consistently.\n\nI can tell that you are really sweet and a really nice person. I am not putting you down for anything that you have done or anything that you haven’t done. It isn’t your fault – I am sure that you are doing the best that you can with what you have to work with. If you really want to change, I can help you to help yourself to have the tools to succeed at life.\n\nGod bless.
348225
Don't say you're in love with him, he's your ex.\nTell him that you want to get back with him, and try once more.\nThe only treatment for this is to talk with this guy about your feeling, but DON'T SAY YOU'RE FALLING FOR HIM. You'll be really easy for him if you do this.\nAnd even if he says "yeah, let's give it another try", don't sleep with him in a second! Get to know him more. \nIf he already have a gf, sorry but got to move on.
653619
Baby girl, there is nothing for you to do but heal and move on with your life. I know that it is easy to say and so hard to do. But it sounds to me that he is exploring other options or that he wants to and he does not want to keep you holding on. I hurt for you, I have been there before. At least you two can part on good terms if you allow for that to happen, don't push and don't be so available. Maybe this is the best thing for you, this may be a blessing in disguise. I know that it hurts and you are going to cry, you are going to miss him and at times you are going to feel that you cant go on without him. But you will, you can and you have to.  Being in love is a tricky thing, you can love just about anyone but it takes someone extremely special to fall in love with and it is extremely hard to stay in love. Just know that you WILL be OK with or without him.
416980
He probably still has feelings for his ex if i were you i would just let him go and move and.But  if you really want to be with him tell him to stop talking to her and if he really wants to have something with you he will but if not then youre going to know hes not worth it.I've been in thins kind of situation before it hurts knowing there was someone else in your bf's past, do what you think is best for you.
253582
ugh welcome to my world! its very hard to gain trust again and ive been struggling with that for the past year with my bf. he is amazing and loving and the best person i have EVER met,,, yet i am always testing the waters and trying to catch him out in a lie. it drives ME crazy so i would imagine it makes him feel that way too. \n\none step is realising what you are doing, which has happened because you are here asking the question. trust is sacred and its hard to get it back even tho this is a new person who hasnt hurt you. what im trying to do is, whenever i have those awful 'ghosts from the past' flying around my head, i think about everything great that my bf has said and done, things that are so different from anyone else and make me feel important and loved. it does help but i have to really work at the demons. \n\nim aware that there are no guarantees in life, you never know whats going to happen, but living in the past is not the way to go. there are people out there who would not cheat - you're one yourself so it stands to reason there are others. thats what i tell myself too. i have major jealousy issues because every single one of my exes way back to the teen years cheated on me with a girl they swore was 'just a friend'. i cant stand hearing those words and they make my skin prickle. but that is in my head and in my past. \n\none of my friends just told me that i have to tell myself that i CANNOT LET THE PAST CONTROL ME. all these years i thought i was in control, always on guard, always trying to catch people out in lies, etc etc. i vowed i would never let myself get humiliated again.. but thats where my fault lies - i was looking for it, waiting for it to happen again and letting it control my life. that is not healthy. i am trying to just live day by day and not let those that hurt me in the past CONTINUE to hurt me by infecting my brain and causing me to not trust my bf. if he truly loves me he will not cheat on me... so the message to take from that is tha if he does cheat on me one day, he is not the right person for me afterall and im better off not being in the relationship anymore, no matter how much it hurts. but i dont think about that often either, i think about today and tomorrow and yesterday. and how much love my bf shows me, and little by little its helping me to erase the past.\n\ngood luck! dont let others tell you that you are nuts, its a very hard thing to get over for many people, especially if you were badly hurt in the past and more than once.
206015
Ok sweetie, obviously he is protecting himself from being hurt again by being in a relationship with you but not.  This may be a fine distinction and completely without merit.  And it is, I would say just give him some time if you like him, but I would expect that he should treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.  I would not settle for anything less if I were you. And if he can't trust me there is sombody out there who will love you for who you are, and will treat you the way you deserve.  Good luck sweetie and I hope this helps.
207054
Hello again Fantasy Foo, I've been were your at, and it's not a good feeling. One good thing about life is....Time heals everything. I was once told: If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours...if it don't it never was. If you have the fellas number or you know how to get in contact with him...let him know how you feel, but don't hate on his girl...thats tacky.
1683
Why do you want to be with someone who plays games with your heart and your head?  He woos you behind his girlfriend's back.  He's a cheating creep.  Just because you have feelings for him and miss him doesn't mean he's worth your while.  Sometimes it's really hard, when you've loved someone, to realize you never should have invested in them in the first place.  I mean, if you knew he would treat you this way BEFORE you fell inlove with him, would you have allowed yourself to get attached to him?  And sometimes, it's hard to face ANOTHER disappointment, and so we try to see good that isn't there.\n\nMy opinion, stay away.  I know it's hard, but stay away.
314324
Its hard to let go of some one & you tend to remember the good parts of the relationship & the bad times get forgotten so its easy to get into that trap where you start to wish that you was still with that person because your remembering the good times. This new girl friend is probably not what he expected her to be & is therefore starting to miss you. If he found a girlfriend that was every thing he wanted he probably wouldnt be knocking on your door. If its you thats asking the question " do you love him or is it out of habbit" the answer is if you loved him you wouldnt have to ask this question.\nHey I still miss my ex & we split 4 years ago but we are  best friends now & have a great frienship but you have to remember why you broke up in the first place as its unlikely it will change if you get back together.