About 2 years ago I found that my husband had been looking a porn and posted his picture on a swingers site. I thought I could get over it but I don't know now. I feel like I have forgiven him but I cant forget. And to make matters worse he lied to me that he was doing that and when I found out he lied why he was doing it. I dont think he is doing it now. Just dont know how to feel and think. He know when we were married that I did not want him to look at other naked women and that if he was going to cheat to leave me first. I do feel that this act was cheating. Any ideas on what to do?
138415
He might have been looking to spice things up for both of you, however, he should have discussed it with you first. Its cheating once that profile and picture were posted, and I suggest you put your foot down and stop it before he ends up bringing home something you can't cure with medication....GL;)
219155
Neither of you love each other since you both cheated, whether it was for plasure or revenge it doesnt matter. This is a mentally dangerous situation as that he has become a habit. Habits are hard to break especially the ones that last for years. You have been doing this for so long that you cant remember what life was like before him. You deserve better. Unfortunately you cant listen to your heart on this one. Leave. Does it feel good knowing he might have been inside another woman hours earlier without protection then inside you? Do you always want to have that feeling? Search your soul and find your courage to whats right for your emotional and mental future.
253951
you probaly cheated with your ex cause you still had feelings for him. maybe it was just to see if there was anything there. i dont know maybe the sex is great. whatever the reason is you did it. and your soon to be husband will never forgive you and you will have it thrown in your face everyday for the rest of your life. im sorry just either tell him and leave or take it to the grave. im saying this cause the same happend with me. i cheated and he said he would forgive me, but it was a never ending fight. we are seperated now.
143317
I'm afraid it seems he is. I know from experience because my wife of 16 years cheated on me recently. When she tried to break it off, the "other guy" decided he would stop her at any cost. He killed her and then himself. Each situation is different and my circumstances may have been more extreme than yours, but I know my wife loved me and I loved her. The depth of my sorrow seems to be a bottomess pit at times. I have two children, 15 & 9, left without a mother. Please share this with your husband and maybe he will see that honesty is always best. God forgives, and so should we, but there are consequences for our wayward behavior. I'm sorry if this scares you, but its always best to learn from other's mistakes. Pick up a copy of the bestseller "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis, its a great book and addresses what you are going through, even if he is not cheating. And if he is, remember that he (in his perception) may find fault with you. There may be some truth to that, and although it does not justify his (presumed) action, it is something that the two of you should discuss with a good Christian counselor. WORK IT OUT FOR THE KIDS- and for each other, its worth it. Sex is easy to find in our hedenistic culture, but good love and commitment is a rare quality. It takes effort.\nI hope the best for you, I really do. May God bless your family and protect you from any further damage. (Mark 10: 7-9)
313915
I have a girlfriend whose ex-husband is addicted to porn.  She'd find his movies/mags between the mattresses when she changed the bed, or tucked away in his drawers when putting away laundry.  Even in the glove compartment of their family car.  She talked to him, ragged at him, but nothing would stop him.  Finally, she devised a plan.  She went to a porn shop, and bought about 100 bucks worth of stud movies and toys for HER.  She tucked Her mag between the mattress, and put her toys in the night stand drawer.  Put a few movies in the bathroom drawer.  All hidden, but easy to find by him.  WELL...he did find them, and just about came unglued.  He accused her of being unfaithful, and unsatisfied in their relationship.  He tore through the house looking for her stuff and then lite a fire and burned it.  While the fire was raging, she grabbed a bag she had stored some of his porn in and threw it in.  He got 2nd and 3rd degree burns from trying to save his crap.  While He was at the hospital.  She packed her bags and moved out. True story.  After she got counseling, she learned that 70% of men who used porn alone, disapproved of their wife's/mate watching porn alone.  It's an illness.  He won't change unless he gets help.  Sadly, he'll always have the urge.
491677
I feel the same about my wife.  I still love her but I look at other women & find them sexy & want to be unfaithfull but I have never done it.  It's a difficult one but all we are doing is denying ourselves a beutifull sex life.  I think all that you could do is have casual sex with no strings & try not to let your partner find out.
614623
Buy a web cam and put yourself on the site.  Tables are turned.  Wish I had the guts to do this, if you do go for it.\nI agree with your feeling that it is disrespectful and still cheating in a sense, but my husband feels they are not real people to him since he doesn't know them and will never meet them so it is not cheating.\nAt the risk of being repetative as I said this in another answer, someone once explained this to me about my husband's similar habits:\nIntimacy means "in to me I see" and you cannot have strickly sexual relations with someone you are romantic with without intimacy, but some men cannot handle that and cope by these anonymous sexual exploits.  \nUsually sexual addictions accompany other addictions like alcoholism, but not always.  Is there another problem?  Has he always done this or is it starting recently?  How long have you been married?\nThe above reasoning sometimes soothes me and sometimes doesn't.  The main thing is respect yourself and be true to yourself - if that means leaving then. . . If it means staying and working through it then. . . What would truly make you happy in the long run?  I love the straightforward answers people give, but when emotionally involved it is not always that easy and you sometimes just need a new perspective.\nHope you find a simple answer or at least the best answer.  I will be following your question closely.  \nWish you love, luck and happiness in everything!
181936
I think a lot of people feel safe and anonymous on websites like those to explore thoughts or curiousities without feeling like they are "really" doing anything wrong...since it is a computer screen...but the mental side of it...can destroy a relationship..yes you should forgive..but NOT forget..you know what he is truly like ..his thoughts...when you have your back turned..so be smart...but don't become obsessed over what he "might" be thinking or doing....then YOU could be the one to destroy the relationship and actually Create what you Fear most
466732
I've just been through a similar situation, leave leave leave.  I found out that not only was my husband doing the on-line thing, that he cheated on me before we were even married.  You have found out that he lied to you, then you can never believe him again.  If you do stay it will be a long hard road to happiness let me tell you.  Hes playing you for a fool if you believe his pathetic lies.  My husband was chatting on-line and talking to one women on the phone (he fessed up that he's known her for 10 years for god sake, didn't think to share that little bit of information did he) in our home while I was there!!! Incredably my husband didn't even think this was an issue - its called having an emotional affair - its still an affair just not physical but its still a violation of your marriage vows and that shows he isn't committed to you what so ever
80444
Your husband may have an affair before but should this be a problem for your marriage now? Not necessarily, of course! As you are saying that things are just don't feel good, I would like to assume some probable reasons for this.\n\nFirst of all, it is all about your husband. He is still interested about that girl and trying to keep contact. If this is the fact, you cannot do anything to make things right. You should take a divorce.\n\nSecondly, it is all about your husband's x-girlfriend. She is trying to be your husband's 'friend' or willing to take him back to her life. In this case, help your husband to handle this situation and make him feel that you are always with him as long as he is on the right way.\n\nLast, but not the least, it is all about you. You knew the truth about the past of your husband and now you are just not able to control yourself when ou are thinking about that matter (I hope this is not the fact). In this case, try to understand the reality that having an affair in the past is quite possible. Love is all around and nobody wants to be lonely!\n\nHope I was able to cover all of the possible things and you are in one of those mentioned situations and also, you will handle all these successfully! Best of luck!
237349
Take a break.....if it happened once it could happen again.  They say once a cheater always a cheater.  What were the circumstances surrounding the "moment" alcohol, stress, anger etc....and will this set it off in the future??  It could just be a never ending spiral.  And at some point if it does happen again, you may feel you need to do the same thing just to get back at him.  He needs to prove himself worthy of you.  And it will always sit in the back of your mind.  First thing you should do is talk about it again and show him how you are feeling, if your reaction was nothing, he may not think it's a big deal!  Good luck....  And remember there is someone out there that is perfect for you, so if you ahve to let this one go, it might be b/c someone better is waiting!! :)
131303
Simple Question. Its all with Modesty.\nPeople hide it, others protray it. Its human nature to be embrassed when they know what they are doing is wrong and they are still doing it.\n\nOk,If someones come and see you naked.how do you feel? embarrassed rite? excatly!!! Men do not like woman to see them watching porn. Why? Firstly what they are watching is illegal,2ndly its protraying the opposite sex and woman and woman would see it as a outrage of modesty to themselves. Men would feel embarrassed to let a woman know that. Watching Porn is like watching someone making you horny. your wife will feel inferior to feel that you need to go to other ways to endulge in sexual pleasure. That she will realise she cannot do for you as you already misstreat her trust.\n\nMen Watch Porn is normal. But its all in by human nature.we hide our modesty for a reason.Thats why people have to hide it. Its only human instincts.
272031
Sounds like a GREAT GUY! I've never seen porn but I have seen the effects it has on marriages, families and relationships. Porn is a disease that effect the mind..maybe your husband understands that and does NOT want to become a pervert..like some have
42331
i had the same problem when i just got married with my husband.  i'm a jealous type too and very insecure with everything.  and he cheated on me not only once but twice.  i know its crazy to forgive him after cheating twice but forgiving him wasnt a mistake.  i tried to snooped on his stuff to find something that he might be hiding from me.  i was so insecure with his friends because it seemed like he was having more fun with them than his own wife.  we almost filed a divorce but i didnt want to lose him eventhough he cheated on me and he was neglecting me. i believed that i married this guy and i am willing to live with him forever.  we went to counseling and it was good.  it opened his eyes.  but i thought it was all his fault.  the counselor did pretty good explaining that i did some mistakes too.  i was so focus on my jealousy and forgot about our marriage.  after that i seen his effort to change and he really did.  he regrets everything. and now we already 5 years marriage and proud to say we're getting strong.\n\ni am sharing u this because i think what i've been through is the same as what your situation right now.  dont let her leave u.  if there is still a way to stay together then do it.  honestly, even i see my husband changed a lot - his past still hauting me sometimes.  its not easy to forget.  u have to go counseling or get somebody to help u out.  u have to talk to her.  communication is the best key to a happy marriage.  i know she cheated on u but give her a chance.  there's nothing wrong if give it a try for the second time.  if u guys talk - listen to her and let her listen to u.  this is what i've learned from the counseling...when u guys talking, dont use YOU.  like u did that, u did this.  thats blaming.  use I.  be calm and if she says something will hurt u.  dont be mad - listen to her.  only both of u can resolve your problem.  i believe that marriage is not always about sex, being happy and successful.  having ups and downs are very normal. show her u love and u care for her.  maybe u are doing what i did - focusing on my jealousy and not your marriage.   \nbefore its too late, go seek some help..good luck!!!
179512
You still seem to be focused on your own feelings. He doesn't seem to want to talk about it. Why are you bringing up hurt feelings. He has said that it is over and he forgives you. You seem  to be dwelling on it as if you feel that he didn't punish you enough. Sometimes you have to accept that everything will not get the necessary 'closure' that we all need. He might be the type of person who likes to work out their issues quietly within himself. He might be one of the types of men who heal better by just having time and thought. If he feels you are pushing him so you can have some kind of GUILT RELIEF and call it closure, he just might leave. You feel taken for granted but guilty about what you did. You want closure. You feel like he doesn't love YOU. You don't talk about it (You and he). You are willing to talk. You have changed.  He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't see the change. I would be tired of you if I was him your whole thing seems so self motivated and yet you are the one who messed up. It depends on what you did because if you cheated, honey he will never forget that and you will have to either stick in there until he is ready to completely forgive you or you can let him find someone who is more interested in the word WE and not HE and I.
231163
Sounds like a case of him feeling guilty for what he was doing so he makes up something to blame you for to cover it up.  You should confront him and find out why what he is doing with this girl isn't considered cheating.
505857
My oppinion is that you are a few of the smart loyal and honest men out there and I applaud you for your well train of thought and consideration. I do not feel anyone should look down on you just because you have considered things that for others it doesn't even cross their mind. Continue your great way of thought simply because so many of us fall under pressure especially when being tempted with sex, and drugs. I was also a virgin when I got married and so many friends told me I'd regret it but I've been married for a year and the thought of cheating on my husband because I never had anyone before him never crosses my mind. Not to mention the great respect I got and continue to get from my husband everytime we make love!  I'm sure you will find somone someday who is going to also appriciate your well thought in life! Good luck and God bless