I'm 34, and my boyfriend is 50. Both of us have been married and neither of us care to do it again. I would however, after two years of dating like to think that we could some day live together and form a "family unit". He is absolutely sure that he doesn't want this to happen. He says he is not good in that situationa and never has been and wants things to stay the same. I love him, he treats me well...but I still know I would like to live with the person I love in the future. What should I do? Stay or go?
126495
Go. If you are having any doubts now they will only triple the longer this relationship goes on. I was once dating a man who was twelve years older than me, and once a man gets stuck in his ways, he seems to be good for sure. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you know what you want. Your still young enough to have your family unit! Go and and get it! Just because someone treats you good and loves you doesn't mean you should stay with them. People who love you and take care of you and can't start a new family with you are called parents.
401794
I think you know the answer already yourself... 9 yrs, a long time and I'm sure that you have both had many ups and downs, and that should be proof that this will last forever,because after all you are STILL together 9 yrs on. You have come through so much and still standing. You ask the question because its natural... its the biggest commitment you will ever make and no one can tell you what to do. Only you can decide. And as the saying goes " Time will tell" .Unless he is treating you "badly" or harming you in anyway, perhaps the time is now. And Yes, it is normal to feel this way. .... Good luck to you.
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
470830
Well firstly, I dont believe anyone can drag anyone away unless they want to go.  He has a mind of his own and while this woman (well shes more of a girl than a woman) may attract him, he can still make choices.  She is only 18, she has a lot of growing up to do.  She really wouldnt know a lot about love because she is just starting out on her life's journey.  \n\nIf you want my honest opinion, I cant see it lasting with this girl.  He has 4 children and they wont go away.  He has responsibilities and I think it will only be time before she will tire of it all and want to be an 18 year old, going out with boyfriends and having a good time.  \n\nI think you have every reason to be scared about being on your own.  Four children is a big responsibility and to raise them on your own is a huge task.  That doesnt mean it cant be done,  it just makes it harder.  Let me ask you this though.  If the girl tires of your husband and he decides to stay in the marriage, how would you feel?  Everytime he went out you would be wondering who he was with.  Everytime he was home with you, you would be wondering if he was with you out of responsibility or love.\n\nHow do you think it would affect your confidence? I know if it was me, I would prefer to go it alone than have a man who I couldnt trust.  It is heartbreaking to find the man you love is in love with someone else.\n\nI dont think the question is will it last between your husband and this young girl,  I think the real question you should be asking is, could you live with yourself happily, knowing he was in love with someone else.  You would never know if he was thinking about her.  He could even be imagining it is her, not you he is making love to.  You would be forever wondering.\n\nIf your marriage has any chance of making it, he needs to get rid of her totally.  But how would you really know?  He was seeing her secretly when you thought it was over with them, so seriously, you wouldnt feel too wonderful about yourself.\n\nMarriages break down all the time, it hurts like hell and you never think you will get over it.  Believe me you do.  When my marriage split I was absolutely devestated.  I never thought I could ever love any man ever again.  I was still totally in love with him when we separated and even when we divorced I was still in love with him. I had 3 young children at the time too, so it wasnt easy.\n\nTime was my only friend.  It is not a cliche.  It has been 10 years since our divorce and I no longer love him, I dont hate him either, as a matter of fact I dont feel anything for him at all.  I did, however, go through a lot of ups and downs and the only thing that really saved my sanity was myself.  It was only when I said to myself, enough is enough did things start to change.  I started to see myself as an important person.  I started to do things that made me feel competent and confident.  I got a job, I did a course...well several courses. I pampered myself, lost some weight and was really liking what was staring back at me in the mirror.  I started to hang around with positive people...people who were always ready to build me up, not bring me down.  You are in the early stages yet, but believe me...there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You do have the strength to get through this, and for you and your kids sake, you need to take every ounze of pride you have and let your husband know you are not prepared to come second to anyone.  \n\nI really believe it will not last with this young girl,  but lets hope by then you will have found enough strength and self confidence for when he comes begging for you to take him back that you will look at him and say...."You had your chance...you made your bed, now you have to lie in it".  There is a perfect man for you out there somewhere...just waiting.  It happens.  You will not always love your husband this way.  Time will make it get better and better until one day you will wonder how you could have ever loved h
288718
stick with the 1st one, love is not disposable . if you go for the second then you hurt the first which it sounds like you dont want. are you too young to make the move to marriage because of age if so just wait until after your old enough. you'd be marrying him not the mother and after words tell her to mind her own business. later you may find the second one is not the one he seems to be.
467098
at the risk of sounding judgemental, i'm really not sold on the idea of couples sticking together for the 'sake of the children'. we cannot give what we do not have, hence we cannot give our children happiness if we are very much unhappy with our partner. since you said you still love him, i want to assume that that is the reason you are staying in your relationship. therefore, you should use every effort to try to rebuild what you guys lost. but if you have too much pride to admit to him that you still care for him despite what he has done, you can always be friends or worst-case scenario, housemates with kids. good luck!
44617
If you're happy now, then be contented with what you have. You chose to marry him despite his age and you've lasted that long together.\n\nIt is dangerous to entertain such a question...
475286
I would have to say stay with him, and try to make things work. Of course, if you loved him like you say you do, you wouldn't have to ask this question. You know he won't be gone forever. He'll be back. True love knows no boundaries. No distance should keep you from staying with him. Especially since the move is only temporary.
40484
I believe age has no difference when it comes to loving someone. If you're married and have no intention to part with your present wife, don't make any promises to that girl which you can't keep. If you're single and this romance might develop into something else, do go ahead and don't let this chance pass by you. I have a son with a man who's 20 years older than me. He was lying to me about being divorced and we spend 2 years living together as man and wife. When I had a baby, I found out he was married and had a wife in another country. We're no longer together, but I tell you age has nothing to do with this. I love every moment we spent together except for his lies that screwed up my whole life. Don't do this to the girl you liked, but definitely enjoy every moment of this feeling if it's rightfully yours regardless of the age difference. Good luck! Nika
5915
I say leave. A year is not a lifetime, but I think enough time to figure out what you want. He wants to date around and not commit. It seems like you might want more.\n\nIf you stick around, you'll just be a convienance\nand you'll wind up getting more hurt.
85647
Do you think you would have the same feelings for him/about him if he was closer to your age?  Society puts a lot of stipulations on this type of relationship.  My first love was a man who was 12 years older than myself (with whom I had a child) and I was married to a man 17 years my senior.  The age factor didn't bother me, but it did bother my husband.  He felt a little insecure with our age differences - he thought I would wake up one day and want to be with a younger man.  That wasn't the case at all.  We had fun together - laughed, good experiences - and not so good (like all relationships).  We had differing viewpoints on some issues, but nothing we couldn't agree to disagree on.  You need to ask yourself if you feel as if you would be missing out on something in life if you decided to stay in a relationship with this man.  Are you compatible in other ways?  Do you both want the same things out of life?  Are you happy?  Where do each of you see yourselves in 5 years - together or apart?  What about children?  No relationship is a piece of cake and with an age difference it makes it a little more difficult, but not impossible.  Follow your heart, do what makes you happy.
584749
Been there.  Ultimatums are never good. Small towns are full of gossip. The transition is easier because of family and friends. Both of you list pros/cons of where you'd like to live. Ask him if he'd be willing to check out some places that would fit what you're both looking for.  He may feel that you are choosing to move home to get away from him. Try to compromise. I did and I don't regret not moving back home. I found things that I really liked about where I live and we have been here for 25 years. Really think about this before you do or say something that you can't take back. I hope I helped.
35004
You need to decide what your beliefs and boundaries are.  If you don't mind living with someone for the rest of your life without a legal marriage, then do it, if not, then give him an option, marriage or you are gone. Most states have the policy of common law marriage anyway, after 5 years (varies per state) of living together you are considered legally married anyway.
609296
If he leaves you because of an age difference there is no future with him anyway. I know many couples where the woman is older and they are just fine.\n\nSimply tell him and let him decide if he's a man who can handle it or a boy who can't.
675183
i wouldn't stay married for the kids thats for sure. it doesn't do the kids any good, you are teaching your kids (by example) what love and marriage and relationships are all about and if you don't want better for them then stay, if you do want better for them lead by example. if the parents can keep the focus on the kids they can be children of divorce and not suffer horrible consequences. they do ok if grown ups act like grown ups and don't get caught up in childish games. being committed to the welfare of the children is totally  different than being committed to a marriage.\n\ndon't forget that they see you and your husband from a childs perspective, they have no idea what an adult relationship is about. i learned this when after divorcing my husband and i were both in other relationships, the kids loved each of our partners very much, but one day my son said he wanted us to live together again, me (thinking like a grown up) said i thought you loved val and jimmy (the bf and gf) they said we do they can come too! it was simply about having access to both of us and had nothing to do with us being a couple. duh, i probably should have figured that out sooner but i didn't.  in fact they don't even realize that you have a relationship with each other aside from them, its just not in their experience yet so they have no idea of its existence, depending on their ages of course. older kids can have it explained and i assure you that they want their mom and dad to be happy people.
50272
Time frame?  Sounds like he isn't ready to commit.  Talk to him and tell him about your clock.  Let him know you don't want to be on Social Security before your children are grown and out of the house.  See what he says about being a new father at the ripe old age of 45-50 when he's going thru a mid life crisis?  If it's not the answer you need to hear, move on..........your clock is still ticking, sister!
466180
How old are you guys? Maybe he's having a midlife crisis. 13 years is a long time. Don't throw in the towel if you feel there is still love in the relationship. One person can save the relationship even if the other person doesn't think it's what he wants. \n\nYou have to have faith in your relationship and find out what the issue is for him and show that you are willing to work on them. Go to counseling (see if your workplace offers anything employee assistance). Go to church more, get in tune with who you are and what you want. \n\nThe meds are a good start. But he won't see the changes for awhile so let them kick in and make a commitment to stay on them of they help you.\n\nI went through a similar situation and hubby and I restored our relationship. It can be done. He kept asking if we'd make it and I told him that people survived far more difficult obstacles.\n\nif you think it may be a midlife crisis try these sites..\nwww.midlifeclub.com\nwww.ojar.com