My husband and I are always fighting about stupid stuff. I am just so tired of being like this. How can I change? I just want to be a happy person. I am the one who is always starting the fights over little things. I take little things and turn it into a big deal. Please help.
129072
Just stop and think of all the good things your husband has done and the reasoning behind you marrying him! Change the subject every time you find your self getting ready to nag! I nag alot too but I just have to stop and think can I do anything about the situation, then I try and do it! As long as you know you are doing it at least this is the first step into getting better, You can do it just slow down and think before you speak! Also know there's a time to be quiet and a time to speak out loud! Certain things that really get you mad just talk to him about them and see if he can help you with any of them, others just try and do whatever it is your self! Good Luck and God Bless!
614998
My husband modiness and be upsetting at times but i get like that at times too. I cant really say anything makes me really mad at him as we work through all of our differences and we love and accept each other even with our imperfections!
421700
Sounds like you both are trying to work through this. Unfortunately sometimes arguments do occur, the only thing is when the dusts settles what then? I believe that by him not telling you right away that this or that was not exactly what he expected seems he is trying to be tolerant. Where he is trying maybe not to impose on you all the time what he think or how he thinks things should be. But if he bottles it up and then waits to explode letting you have it all at once, you are right he really should tell you then and there. Not bottle it up and make him resent or get so angry.  He has to realize you fess up to things you tell him "Oh I had no idea I was coming across that way" so he has to know you are not intentionally doing things to  irritate him. Keep talking, keep telling him to tell you.  Tell him "Hey let post this or that and have people who don't know you and don't know me, tell us what they think is going on. People who have nothing to gain"  People who do this just because we've all been there and think Hey maybe someone else can benefit from past mistakes.   Good Luck to you and him I really hope it works out for you two.
633682
fight like fist fight? NO! Is it normal to disagree with one another, YES. Afterall you are two different people with different ways of thinking and then all of a sudden you are married to that person and living your daily life together. You better bet there will be arguments. If you never disagree you or your partner is a people pleaser type personality or you just figure its better not to ruffle any feathers and try to bury all your feelings, which in the end will blow up in your faces. If you are having a disagreement over a certain thing all the time, maybe it's better to seek counseling over the issue before there is too much resentment and the problem gets bigger. It's normal to laugh with your spouse as much as it is normal to have disagreements, it's life. How you handle them will definately determine whether or not you are married for long though. Best wishes!
647730
I have a 7 yr old son and a 9 yr old daughter...an all they do is fight!  LOL!  It drives me absolutely crazy some, no, everyday !  I have asked the pediatrition and a councelor at school and they both gave me the same answer.  They will when they are more "grown-up" meaning mature.  They are trying to figure out their importantance in their own right.  Where they fit into life and they are actually learning from the process.  I know that it is painful and terribly disturbing, but they will grow out of it.  They are learning to deal with conflicts, try to let them work things out and intervene only when necessary.  I, myself, have a hard time stopping myself from telling them to "Quit it", but I am getting better.  Give them some space, explain to them that there are rules to arguing...no name calling, no loud voices, they should remain calm, and talk through the situation.  Compromise is the name of the game.  Give it a try, they are preparing themselves to be adults.  If we as parents teach them that we all must argue some times in our lives, but that there is a proper way and an inappropriate way to receive the results we want, the world just might yet become a better place.  Here are some articles I found:\n\nhttp://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/fighting/fighting.html#anchor104643\n\n\nhttp://members.aol.com/AngriesOut/fairfigh.htm\n\nhttp://www.bartongoldsmith.com/articles/fightfair.htm\n\nI only quickly read through each one, so I'm not sure how they differ.  I searched "fighting fair", if they don't help.  Good luck, and I hope that all works out well for you!!   :)
287735
I actually just told my husband to leave me alone the other day,but he asked me what was wrong and I said,'hormones...just leave me alone'. He did though and I felt better after having some time to myself. I think your husband needs to realize that no one is happy all of the time. We all need time to ourselves and it is good for you and good for the marriage to be able to take this time. As for having a big blow-out about it...I would've walked away. I don't take that crap anymore. It isn't worth it to me to talk til I'm blue in the face,trying to explain 'why'. I shouldn't have to. An argument doesn't really get you anywhere. I tend to wait until things have settled down and then have a conversation about it and find out what he is feeling then. I gave up a long time ago on trying to justify myself to him. We actually have a better marriage this way. Good luck to you.
528177
You should have a discussion with your husband about the importance of communication.  Yes, you are still here because you love him.  He has to understand your hurt and disappointment.  You both need to agree to learn how to resolve your problems by communicating better and putting your marriage first above all else.\n\nYou said that you have been going through a rough time and  you were being stupid.  He was afraid of losing you.  If you feel like you've come a long way in your relationship, and the issues that caused the rough patch have been resolved, then let it go.  Don't throw it up in his face when something goes wrong, stick to the issue at hand.  If you don't think you can trust him, tell him so.  BUT I would encourage you both to get counseling; it will serve as a tool for you to move beyond what's happening now.  You don't want to get bogged down in resentment.\n\nIn his way, he recognized his mistake.  He distanced himself from everything associated with that situation.  He deserves a lot of credit for that.\n\nGood luck!
380596
I'm going through the same thing. And I know someone who went through it and is happily married now. So that makes me optimistic. I guess what I'm saying is NEVER SETTLE... Don't u want to b happy.
45279
You need to tell your husband exactly what you posted here in a nice non-confrontational way because when we need some empathy they are thinking about ways to fix whatever is bothering you. Or they are trying to let you know they feel you are wrong in your thinking and how to fix that.\n\nHonestly they just don't know, they just want to fix it for you.\n\nMy husband did that and I told him, I don't need judgement, or for you to fix this. I need you to just listen and even if I say something totally irrational I need you to agree and just let me vent. If I need you to help me fix a problem or a need a solution I will ask you that, but right now I just need you to be supportive.\n\nAfter I told him that he has been very empathetic, and a wonderful support system in everything! :D
655163
My guess is your hubby has no idea you are this unhappy.  I don't think your hubby misrepresented himself, I think he was trying his best for you to be with him.  Now that you are, he stopped trying.  Time for a serious conversation.  Honey, I am unhappy, I want to work through this but I need some things to change.  Let him know the things he used to do were important to you.  Let him know one of the reasons you were so certain he was right for you was that he did the little loving gestures, and you miss them.  Tell him you need to hugs and kisses during the day, and more of a lead up to sex than "take your clothes off".  Seriously, you can prepare yourself too, read a sexy book before bed time, think about what excites you, buy some toys for you and hubby to use, watch a dirty movie together.  My guess is since you are so unhappy you haven't taken the time to make hubby feel special either.   I think if you pay him more attention, he may do more of the same.  \nNow to be harsh, you are not with a fantasy man, no one is perfect, stop expecting him to be.  I am sure he doesn't think you are perfect either.   You sound very young, try to be more mature. I think you are saying you were rebounding when you met your hubby, that is your fault not his.\nHonestly though, if you work together and communicate,   I think you can make your marriage work.  Stop thinking about what you want but don't have, start thinking of what you have and how to make it better.  Try to be happy and work with what you have.  \nWe all have moments of doubt, that is normal.  But if you love and respect your hubby and he does the same, you can build something wonderful.  Don't look for the easy way out, try to figure out how to fix your problems (a lot of what you said sounds like your issues not his).  His telling you he didn't cheat but came close, is him letting you know he is not happy either, what can you do to make him feel special and wanted?  In a marriage it is not all about you, it is about "us".  \nHope I helped, good luck!
104885
Stupid... Get an education and prove to yourself you are not\nUnloved... Share love with someone else\nWeird... A little bit of weird is cool\nAnnoying... Find people that are like you and you won't annoy them\n\nHere is the main thing though.  You said advice for a person (yourself) who THINKS that they are all of those things.  The thoughts that you put in your head were just that, put there by you.  You can change them to be positive thoughts.  Everyone has bad days but if you can't change those thoughts on your own maybe you can find a therapist or someone who can.
265845
May I suggest a book?  "Recovering Love" by J. Richard Cookerly (available through Amazon)\n\nThis book is essentially about how to build/recreate/rebuild/recognize a healthy loving relationship.  It, not incidentally, will also give you a perspective to tell if your problems and his are valid or off in left field.  \n\nIt certainly sounds like you are resenting some of the sacrifices that you made and that is coming out subconsciously in the form of unreasonable demands. OTOH, it may be that he has been unwilling to make sacrifices for you, and now he's trying to sort of pad his account, so to speak, to make it seem like the relationship is more equitable than it really is.\n\nI applaud you both for going to a counselor.  They can really help sort out marital problems. It can work very well.  It worked for my first marriage for a long time(my husband had very severe emotional problems and when he stopped going to counselling for those problems, so it fell apart.)  That it held together for so long was a testament to our counselor.  (I hope that didn't discourage you, trust me that my ex was severely emotionally stunted)\n\nOne final note - what I really learned from my first marriage is that any two people can have a happy relationship during the good times - it's how you react to the bad times that determine if it is truly a healthy relationship.  If you get nothing else from the counselor, try to get practice on handling arguments, and working together during times when you have a problem.
373665
No, it's not bull crap.  People get involved in their own lives and take each other for granted.  It then becomes a chore to relate to them and feels like it's not worth the effort.\n\nHow do I know?  I've been married for 11 years and just went through the growing apart thing, to the point where we were ready for divorce.  We decided to give it one more try, and we are.  We are working on our marriage and working on being more tolerant and caring.  So far, so good.  I found that the person that I fell in love with is still inside him.  It was just covered up with years of problems and arguments and everyday life.\n\nI wish you luck too.
167728
I have never heard of any couple who doesn't argue. This is especially true when there are increased stresses in their lives. Having just been pregnant in the summer and in a long term relationship I know exactly what goes on. But then the arguments go away within ten minutes so you can't take minor issues to heart. Eventually the grass will get cut, the dishes will be done, as with the laundry. Just hang in there.
578704
I think you already know.  You are not happy in this marriage, your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all.   You don't see any way to get him to change and you don't want to live this way.  I don't like to recommend divorce but if all you say is true than I think that would be the best thing if you want a happy future for yourself.
179318
Right now i'm in that same situation. You have to learn to let go of all the bad negativity. That doesn't help when you hold everything inside. You have to learn to express yourself better. If you have a best friend or a real close friend. Share almost everything with them. If things bother you that people do let them know. Don't stress over the little things. There is a way to be happier all the time even if it's not you, but it will take some work. You have to look deep inside of you and wthink to yourself why do I act the way I do??
504065
I pretty much just have to warn my husband that I am PMS'y, lol. I get extremely mean as well. It has taken years, but I finally can say im sorry right after I say something mean. It really does make me and him feel better. It's humiliating, but if you can say sorry right after the meanness, it makes for a much happier life and you won't have everyone mad at cha!