but  he  says  he  is   in love  with  me.  he  feels  he  has  to  be  in  the  same  home  with  his  children.  he  says  it  does  not  matter although  he  is  not  happy  with  her.  he  had  me  get  an  apartment  in  my  name  for  us.  this  was  when  he  told  me  he  was  leaving   her.  he  says  he  is  married  to  both  of  us.  (no  she  does  not  know  about  me)  he  does  help  pay  half  of  my  rent.  she  does  not  make  alot  of  money,  and  he  is  barely  providing  for  both  of  us.  his  wife  has  to  pay  back  a  resitution.  or  she  could  go  to  jail.  he  tells  me  that  he  feels  bad  for  helping  me  with  bills  when  he  could  help  her  more.  someone  please  give  me  a  helping  hand  of  advice  with  this  situation.
124941
If he really cared for you he would loot his wife's court fine money account, and take you to Vegas or Atlantic City or Laughlin for a few days! Or anywhere that you could just squander her fines...then when she went to jail, he would send her a "Dear Jane letter", and move you in! Bing Bang Boom! Ready made family, all you add is your paycheck and love!  Who knows maybe the wife will be a lesbian when she gets out of jail and you can be one BIG happy family, I know she is going to be thrilled to come home and find you wearing her knickers. lol!\n\nOk what is wrong with this picture, woman has restitution to make for some CRIME, Husband is screwing and helping to support his mistress, Mistress is allowing herself to be screwed, and in general whoring herself out for half of her rent every month...Hey you put your business on front street, I am going to say what I think...\n\nI think the 3 of you may all have a future together if she doesn't get out of jail and murder you. Go for it! \n\nI can't believe that you are really so dense as to have ruined yourself and your life as you have thusfar, tell me are you on drugs, per chance?\n\nReality check, you need to put your foot in that guy's rear and tell him to go find another sperm bank. Where is your self respect? Lost that for sure somewhere along the way...You need to have a job that will pay all of your bills or don't live beyond your earning abilities, it may be difficult at first, but do not depend on a man who gives you money for sex! Do you know what that makes you?\n\nHe is someone else's man if he doesn't go for the idea of sending the wife to jail. Do yourself and your self respect a favor and get out of that mess as soon as you can and try to begin again with a man that maybe one day you can call YOUR man...then hope some young floozy like you does not come along to steal him away. \n\nI think if you stay on your present course that you deserve whatever "bad luck" that you might have with getting Mr. Married Man to pay more for what he is already getting for only half the rent...Just damn! \n\n*shaking head*\nruthie~
261110
Oh sweety, told you told you told you?? You can't believe all this. You should have told him from the second he said he was leaving "ok, i'll be here for you once you get everything sorted out." He might leave his wife, but my gut like urs is saying he's a lier and he's not planning on leaving his wife. When the week is up, his time is up too.
14704
He just may be cheating, from experience, if he walked out and seems to only want to be apart of the house hold when he WANTS something, Be STRONG and move on. Make him stand by his own words, if he said he no longer feels the same for any of you than he is the one with the malfunction. Do Not Punish Yourself or the Children for a man that does not deserve his family. Iam learning to take this advice myself. My children and I (well I put our children through this) for twenty years, lost anyway.\nWe are divorced, but my heart tells me other wise, stupid, foolish me. Iam closer to his family than he is, they treat me like their daughter. Even his parents and brothers try to encourage me to date, they have even tried to set me up on some.\nMy ex thinks he can do anything he wants and that is ok, but I'm suppose to not have a life, not have friends (especially males), not go out and be social.\nThe battle still goes on, I wish I could be stronger\non the dating game for myself. I would ask your husband lots of questions, tell him you want the Truth, keep track of the dates, times he calls, comes over, money given, any help he gives or not gives with the kids. Follow him some time to watch what he does, I have learned a lot from my own investigations. If he loved you and his children, he would not have left at all. Please don't be foolish like I have been. I would like to hear from you, I think we could help each other, we all could use support when it comes to this stuff. I wish you the best. Take Care
607244
tell him exactly what you just said, i see no offense in that. and as a compromise, just tell him that you are willing to live close to her, so he can check up on her as often as he wants to. but i think that especially as newlyweds, you will need your time alone. best of luck. and by the way, most guys are mommas boys (im one too) so dont expect him to let go of his mother, i doubt that will happen, but you should see the good in that. because most guys that love and respect their mothers, tend to treat their wives the same way.
425604
Try talking to him first if U havent already,both of you handle this right and you will be happy rather than a leach (lawyer).You may save enough to pay your bills with less stress.
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
91134
Listen, little one, you need to send this guy back to his wife. Since he cheated on her, he'll eventually cheat on you. Once a cheat, always a cheat. You'll always be wondering if you can trust his relationships with other females. He needs to go home and work through his problems with his wife. Moving in with you to play house isn't solving his problems. It should really bother you that he's that kind of fella. I will guarantee that you'll have problems, some time in the future. How will he handle them? Will he go seek out some soft young thing to tell all his woes to? Or will he work through his problems? This guy's a loser, and a coward. No matter what his past life is like, he needs to deal with it. If he's already tried working it out, then he needs to get a divorce before he starts a new life. I would also suggest that he gets some counselling, to work through any left over issues that weren't worked through in his marriage. You sure don't want all his old baggage on YOUR doorstep. If he doesn't work through it now, you and he WILL be doing it later. I have experience in this particular thing and would never steer you wrong. I know that you've given your heart to this man, based on the promises that he told you. But, didn't he break the same promises that he made to his wife? It doesn't matter what kind of woman she is, he promised to always love her and would never leave her. I think you need to find a fella that doesn't have this kind of baggage. Also, another thing to think about...if he has kids, you'll have to fit that into your life too. And if the only thing you do is have sex when you're together, what does that say about him? For your own sake, tell him to go back to his wife and work it out. I know, for a fact, that there are really nice, single, fellas that would love to have a relationship with you. How do I know? Because my 32 year old nephew is STILL single...and looking for Mrs. Right! And he's a hunk, if I do say so myself! You deserve so much better out of life than this guy. Lastly, you say you have a family. Does that mean mom & dad & sibs? Or are you married too. If you're married & fooling around, you need to stop it too and work out your problems with your husband. He doesn't deserve that, no matter what kind of guy he is. Two wrongs don't make a right. <*)))><
551912
I am a strong supporter of making a marriage work, but it does not sound like this man is taking your relationship seriously. As a husband and father he needs to be responsible for the well being of his family. As his wife you have a right to know where the money is going and where he is spending his time, as it involves the health and well being of the family.\n\nYou need to take him aside and be brutally honest with him. Explain that you cannot and will not live this way. If you think it's worth it, offer him another chance to redeem himself, but do not let this man put you and your child at risk. If he is doing drugs, that is exactly what he is doing. He could get arrested, and then you will be left without an income as well as legal bills.\n\nIt sounds like you are doing all of the work, and that is not the way to have a happy marriage. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you may need to move on. If you think he's capable of change, I would give him another chance.
477350
This is a toxic, dysfunctional relationship.  I'm sorry but you'd both be better off without each other.  This reminds me so much of my first husband, who was passive-aggressively hostile like this.\n\nI don't know all the dynamics of your relationship, but there are power struggles going on.  You withhold sex, so he withholds money.  Both suffer.  Both lose out.  Both feel deprived, and rightly so.  You are both cutting off your noses to spite your faces.\n\nI'd say have a heart to heart with him and name the behavior.  Tell him how it makes you feel, without blaming.  Say something like, "When you don't give me money when I ask for it, I feel hurt because it seems like you don't want to help me.  It makes me feel panicked that I'm not going to be able to pay my bills on time.  Is this true?  Is there anything that's bothering you?"  Then watch his expressions, and listen to what he says and doesn't say.\n\nThere should be an apology forthcoming -- from both of you to each other.  And then you should watch him to see that he keeps his promise to give you the money when he says he will.  If he doesn't, then I would suspect passive-aggressive hostility, or some neurosis/insecurity about money.  Either way, these are his problems, and they're getting in the way of your having a good relationship.  I'd suggest that if, after the talk, he slips back into old behaviors that you re-evaluate.\n\nGood luck.  You need to talk to each other, clear the air, and stop withholding from each other, because this only creates resentment, anger and hostility.\n\nHope this helps.  Cheers, K
22456
U R IN A VERY VERY DELICATE POSITION.I FEEL HE IS "ACTING" CHILD LIKE. IT WOULD BE BETTER IF U LIVE SEPARATELY FROM UR IN-LAWS IF IT IS AFFORDABLE
255383
It is very clear that he has a short fuse. He doesnt handle responsibility at all and he feels like you dont do much. You should probably explain to him in a nice clear firm voice what you are feeling like and what you need from him and you may want to ask him if there is something that you are doing to make him act this way. To every action is a re-action. You both have to be willing to work at the relationship and you will always be working at it. All you can do is make sure you are doing everything you can to make him happy and make sure he really fully understands what your needs are from him. Then you go from there, if he doesnt listen to you and your doing everything he needs from you and he comtinues then you need to go to the next step which would be counseling. Basically if he is not willing to put forth any effort to make your life better and happier then you really do not have a marriage there. And then at that point you may want to play the hard role , if all else fails you can just act as though you dont need him. Start going and doing things on your own and with the kids and do everything else as far as the household but dont pay as much mind to him. ( Start moving on with your life) That may very well stop him in his tracks. Start doing to him what he does to you and if he really does love and care for you he will see it and just tell him "thats what you've been going through and you only done it to make him see it first person."
45768
sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  you need to tell him look here is how it is going to be...don't let him call the shots.  this  is your life he is messing with and your childrens lives too.  if he wants to be with the other woman then make sure he knows what he is giving up.  if he still wants to leave then kick his butt to the curb and find you a real man who knows how to treat you and your children.  don't wait around for him to make up his mind, make it up for him.
381956
I'm not sure what exactly to tell you but i definitely think he shouldn't blame everything on you. Sure, being married means you might go through financially difficulties but you are suppose to go through things like that together. And since he gave you the ok that you needed, he is just as much responsible as you are.\nI bet you have already talked to him, right? Because everytime somebody posts a question there's always somebody that says "Talk to him". What did he say? It sounds like you are just accepting it the way it is. \nAnd yes, there's always a Saver and a Spender. I can say out of my marriage, i know i'm the spender and my hubby is the saver and i also know i'm the loud one and he's the shy one. But they say 'Opposites Attract'.\n\nAnyway, to come to an end...\nHe should have agreed that it was his fault, too. I think he is the one that made a mistake. You've admitted you would've done it different if you knew this would happen.\n\nI hope i helped you at least a little bit. Don't feel too guilty about it, remember, he gave you the ok about the money. I think he needs to think about what he said and that he never stopped you from getting the money for the remodeling.
340517
They there bubby! I gave you an answer last month regarding your BF who is in jail and demanding you send him money... I thought by now you would have left him because it sounds like he's having an extra marital affair in there, or he's paying for his drug habit... Quit sending him money now... E-mail me personally and lets talk...Been there and done that scene many times with my significant other and eventually caught him cheating on me so I left him after our 14 year relationship... He kept bothering me and wouldn't find a job and expected me to support him and finance his drug habit, so I went home clear across the State of Alaska, and you now how big our state is... Since then, I've got my life back, a new job and making more money and saving and planning on going on a vacation to meet this guy I met on the internet and hopefully take him home and start my life over again..... I occassionaly miss him and think about him but life goes on.... So I weigh the pros and cons of our past relationship and stop thinking about him and pat myself in the back for taking my life back towards the positive side and don't plan on returning to him... I used to go to the library to use a computer to check my e-mail, but since then I have been able to buy my own computer and alot of other things that I couldn't buy when I was with him..... I look forward to hearing from you Tracer and think positive and things will work out for you.... Otherwise do you have IM/chat so we can talk without having to wait for each others reply? So let's chat and come up with some alternatives to ease your pain.... I have yahoo messenger...
116528
BEFORE YOU READ THIS,  You accept that I am just giving my opinion, and NOT giving legal advice, else you should NOT read further.  You agree not to act on my opinions stated herein, and seek the council of a legal professional when ultimately making a decision to act.\n\nREVISED.  He has children with your sister?  She is an idiot for allowing him to be a deadbeat.  And he is a lowlife, but not the only lowlife in the world.  They are all over the place.  So...What are you going to do? I feel for you and your situation. I understand how difficult it might be to move, but what choice do you have?  You have to consider your own well being.  If the house belongs to your family, and you sister seems to be in control of the house.  AND chooses to allow him to stay, then what OTHER options are there?  Your sister has to do the kicking out.  You can do it, but it seems you are not in a position to defend yourself.  You need to bring in someone who can help, either law enforcement, or otherwise.  A rich friend or Strong Friend to Kick his A%% out of there.\nThat said...\n\nYOu didn't say who he threatened.  You?  If so, you really need to get out of there, even if you are not convinced he would cause you harm.  If someone says it, they are capable of acting on it.  You don't need to stay there, and yes if he said he would cause you bodily harm, you can call the authorities and have him charged for assault.  Sadly, the police don't and won't do much for you on this. The laws are set up to protect the guilty.  Without witness it is him agains you.  Remember that.  You are in a no win situation really.\n\nYour sister has made a choice to be with this person.\nYOU NEED TO MOVE OUT...\nWhat you do after that is up to you.(pressing charges for instance)\n\nIf you feel she is in danger , call the police.\nIf you feel her kids are in danger call Child Protective Services. (remember they can make someone's life miserable), so don't do that unless you truly feel the kids are in danger.\n\nIMPORTANTLY this is my opinion, and any ideas given here must be taken as such.  If you want real legal advise, you should consult with an attorney in your area of jusisdiction.\n\nYou don't like this guy, and it sounds like you have a good reason, but you NEED to remember, your sister has made the choice to have him there.  YOU can leave. You don't have to stay there, and even if it is an inconvenience, you move and find a more peaceful place to live.  Better for you in the end anyways.\n\nSOrry for you, but you chose to (OR NOT TO) live there.  Your sister is a big girl, let her make her own decisions.\nYou never stated her feelings about this.  Is she scared to kick him out?  Again, if so, she needs to get law enforcement involved.  Restraining orders are a start.  At least then if he shows up, he can be arrested.  This is not an easy situation.  You should try to find as much support as you can BEFORE making moves.\n\nI know this is to the point and a bit sharp, but those are the  real life choices you have to make.  Good luck and best wishes to you!\n\nMove out.
563525
I would feel fine charging him rent, perhaps even more than he pays now.  While this might have the effect of driving him out of the house, it's not necessarily a bad thing for his age and position in life.  You may want to show him a budget, breaking down all of your expenses and incomes, and see if it makes the same sort of sense to him.  Show him how the money from the inheiritance has been used up, really break it all down by numbers.  This should also show you what you need to plan for in terms of your future and how much you should charge him for rent.  If the money works out that you are well off, maybe skip the rent.  But if it is still tight, keep charging him.\n\nLast resort, let him know you two will gladly pay rent when you move in with HIM and his WIFE.  Make sure she hears about that too, and I bet he'll sing a different tune!
415187
I feel for you.  He may truly love you, but he has abondonment issues.  Can you blame him?  I feel for the guy and I don't even know him!  If you REALLY love him, you will do everything you can for him, yourself and the children.  This would most definitely mean counseling, more for him and the kids, but you would also benefit from it.  Don't stay w/him because you feel responsibility for the kids and him; you'll live to regret it.  If he really loves YOU then he will go to counseling to make this relationship a trusting, loving, and equal relationship.  I pray for you both, and hope you can find an excellent counselor.  \n\nOR, you could write to Dr. Phil.  I think he has a good rep for helping out troubled couples.\n\nBest of Luck to You(s)!