I guess the question is whether the decision to get married should be based on how much you are in love, or how compatible you are.  I have a friend who things the right thing to do is find a guy that she thinks she can get along with for the rest of her life, and that in some way they will "learn to love" each other.  I think that her approach will lead to less happiness than she deserves; basicaly I figure marriage should make the best of you, you shouldn't have to try to make the best of the marriage.  What do you think?
124550
Love.\n\nA commitment without love is like promising that you will give birth to a Yetti.\n\nYou can make all the promises you want... You cant do what you are unable to do.  And a marriage without love is pretty much impossible to sustain unless you just decide you are willing to be miserable for the rest of your natural life for the sake of a committment that means nothing.. since the committment was to *LOVE honor and cherish*.
81210
No offense, but if you have to ask, niether relationship is probably a good one. When you truely love somone, there is no doubt in your mind as to what decision to make in this type of situation.
219197
I'm 52 with two grown sons. Both are married. My husband and I taught them, by example and discussions, about what it means to commit to each other for a lifetime. I know what you are saying. \n\nI do think that too many people get married with the thought in the back of their minds that if it doesn't work out they can always get a divorce. Having said that, I do believe that today's young people can get married and stay married. \n\nI told my sons that it's easy to fall in love. It's the staying in love that takes work. It takes two people to make or break a marriage. If they work hard at appreciating their wives, loving and caring for them, and their wives do the same in return, they will grow old together. \n\nI don't see marriage as a chore, but as a wonderful haven where I can leave the cares of the world behind. My husband cherishes me and I cherish him. It's up to the older generations to teach the children how wonderful marriage is. The fact that young people get married at all gives me hope that they do want a till death do us part relationship. According to the National Center for Health Statistics there were 2,279,000 marriages in 2004. \n\nIf we are going to increase the chances of marriages lasting we have to share the wisdom we have gained through our own marriages. What works and what doesn't. How to balance work and family with family being the number 1 priority.
347180
If you're going to be married, you better learn to compromise now.  In the end, is it really that big of deal?  If it means that much to him to have a ceremony, it would be nice to accommodate him and make him happy.
338424
It could go either way, just realise that marriage is a serious thing and requires tons of hard work to make it succeed.
104100
I've always wondered this myself. If I am going to be marrying someone that I plan to spend the rest of my life with I am not going to be thinking about the dissolution of our marriage. Also, if I think he is going to try to take me for all that I have upon our divorce, well, I didn't know his character all that well anyway. So, the moral is, know someone totally before you marry them. :)
243699
You don't just *end up* being married to anyone.  You decided to marry someone you knew you weren't passionate about because you prefered "mediocre" to "alone"..  Poor choices are not the product of destiny.  They are the product of lack of foresight.\n\nGet out of the marrage... for both of you.  Even if you NEVER find true love... that does not give you the right to sentence your current husband to life with a woman who would rather be with someone else.
667349
I'm in a 10 year realtionship with the girl of my dreams.  We try not to worry about the hate in this world.  We overcome obstacles together, like other couples.  You don't have to have kids or even a marriage certificate to truly be happy or to "bind" your relationship, you just have to love each other and all the pieces will fall into place.  Everyone has a soulmate out there somewhere, sometimes you just have to be a little more open minded to find them!  I absolutely believe that you will find happiness with the right person.
9000
It is different for everyone. Some people are not out to be married just to be married, but they find someone they love, and decide they want to be with that person forever. Some are scared of ending up alone. Some people do it because it seems like the thing to do, the next logical step in your life. I knew a guy who did just that. He had a long time girlfriend, he graduated college, and just fell into the pattern he thought would be normal. It did not last though. Marriages should be based on love and trust, not a fear of being alone.
110113
If someone asks you to marry them, you had better be in love before you accept. And if you Do love this person, and that person loves you, you have no need to change each other. You accept each other for who, and what, you are.  Now, after you marry, either of you might change  in some ways that might cause  discomfort in a relationship. And that needs to be worked out. But don't try to force change on each other, It will not work.
194895
I don’t personally believe, based on my own Christian faith, that God has dictated everything in your life.  Bottom line is, you are a co-writer of the story God is telling through you.\n\nYou will have opportunities to become romantically involved with different people in your life, and you simply do not “know” ahead of time what you are “supposed” to do. You might feel safer if God simply dictated every little step to you, but He won’t do that. You are not a robot, you are gloriously alive and part of the story yourself. That is scary, but it should also be exhilarating. (You have a say!)\n\nYou might end up picking someone who is similar to you, and marriage will be easy to make work -- but you won't be very challenged. Or you might end up picking someone with whom marriage is very difficult at first, but God still can make the marriage work and deepen as beautifully as the first option.\n\nMeanwhile, God wants you to be faithful to him in whatever you do. Act as He would have you in this relationship and see where it goes. If the relationship deepens (you grow to care about each other, your faith is leading you both in the same direction, and so on), let it deepen and see what happens. \n\nPray about it, pray for your romantic partner, focus on long-term growth and ask God for direction. Ask older wiser folks you trust for their opinions.\n\nMeanwhile, enjoy the friendship that is flowering. The abundant life (and by that I meant the spiritually fulfilling one, not the hedonistic pleasure-at-all-cost one) is meant to be lived and experienced.\n\nDon’t focus on whether or not you are “making a mistake” by perhaps not picking the earmarked person from the pool of 6 billion, that’s a fearful way to live. Focus on what God is doing in you and this person right now while you’re together, learn from it, and go where it takes you.
525524
People all to often enter into marriage for all the wrong reasons. Half of those getting married look at it as entering a new world but they fail to see all the baggage you take with you.  Too many want to get from marriage and are not willing to give.  Bringing fantasies into marriage only dooms it. To prevent so many divorces I think everyone should live together for at least a year before getting married. They should plan the future they want away from the mate and then compare the plans. \nIf they are really mature they should include a plan for ending the marriage if times get to unmanageable. Instead of looking at that as a negative it should be a positive.  Very few people ever recognize dangers of marriage and even fewer have the guts to plan for the possible separation.
649414
Marriage is the legitimate way to go for people who love each other AND who want to be together. I do think, on a man's standpoint, there's nothing a woman can/should tell us to get married. See, if a man gets married because you convinced him to, then it feels as if it was not our decision, and later down the way, resentment adds to all those roadblocks marriage is known to unearth. \n\nI kinda feel like him. I have been married. I have a family, and I have been through ugly things that I would not have gone through if I had stayed single. \n\nNow this is what you should do... since marriage is going to put y'all together on a 24/7 basis, then test the water. Start spending a lot of time together, doing every thing together, then if things are still nice, move in, and live together, doing every thing together which will put y'all in a married-like situation. And then and only then, if you guys really love each other you guys should go thru every thing just fine and pass the little disagreements and tie the knot. So don't rush, let marriage be a logical outcome of a long lived situation... who knows, something might be wrong with him for him to be divorced twice (he gotta be doing something wrong), you might save yourself some ugly things and a divorce... good luck!
267022
It is ok to look because you are human. But which category do you feel you fit in you should ask yourself. There are two types of people when it comes to this. People who are for marriage, and comfortable with the idea of being with one person for the rest of their life, and those that feel they are as free as a bird and should not have to answer to anyone, and that being married does not validate your love for someone. its ok to look, but if you want to touch, then you belong in category 2 and should not have gotten married in the first place.
658864
There's two things going on here. First, if you love her, stay with her. But you probably won't want to get married yet - wait a few years first. It's better to find out if you're actually compatible in the long term before you make a committment. Remember, a marriage is a legal contract that can change without notice. Valuable advice from an older friend of mine.\n\nThe other thing is you said you often think about how "guys are supposed to want sex all the time" and you don't. My advice? Forget about it. Everybody's different. If you're happy without a lot of sex, then that's perfectly fine. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.\n\nAnd as for the seeing if it's different with someone else, well, it probably would be. Different people are, well, different. But again, if you love her, don't leave her simply becasue you want to try other people. I mean, the entire point of dating is to find someone you love and want to settle down with. If you've found someone on your first try, then you are very lucky. Don't throw that away over nothing.
100034
No its not!!! Because the bottom line that once you marry the sex life becomes less and less. It may not be right away that this happens but its true it does happen. When you are thinking of marriage you should make sure that this person is the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is about uniting as ONE!Its my opinion that communication would be the most important thing in a marriage up under have Jesus at the roots of the marriage! Sex does play a role in a marriage because  two people who are married feel the most connected when they are making love as the should but its not the most important thing. Marriage includes making decisions together, compassion, understanding, just letting the other one know that you are there for them no matter what, friendship.  So have fun with your SEX but remember marriage is more that just SEX if you marry for this reason then you are going to end up unhappy and wanting out! Truth of the matter, things change so will the sex life.Good Luck to you!
55362
Marriage is a big decision.  Perhaps your fight has caused him to reexamine the relationship.  This is a good thing -- if more people slowed down and examined their relationships to determine whether or not they were compatible before jumping into marriage, we might have a lower divorce rate.  What he is doing is being cautious and you can't fault him for that.  He still cares for you.  He just wants to make sure you are the one.