she has got a sister, grown up together but was treated differently since young. My mom has been feeling sad about not having anyone taking much care of her, not having anyone showing her much love. I tried telling her tht she still have us around, but somehow whenever we have a big family meeting, it always endup making her feelssad because everyone around will only give the attention to other people around and not to her. she is not that good in making a conversation in a way that will pull peoples attention towards her. Shes lovly over all, but some of the people doesnt see it that way. How should i help her out of these sad feelings?. I want her to be happy.. Appreciate your help :)
138392
Sounds like a lack of self confidence. Suggest to your Mother to take a coarse in 'self confidence'. Once she is confident, she'll shine thru. She won't have to go looking for attention, the attention will come to her. You must really love your Mom. Good luck!
383715
Wow, I'm so sorry about your brother.\n\nI don't think that she thinks that at all.  She loves you for who and what you are: YOU.  Displacing your feelings of grief and pain onto her by putting feelings that she most assuredly isn't feeling onto her isn't really fair.  \n\nMy opinion: See a bereavement counselor.  After my mom was killed in 97, I went to one for about 6 months, and I'll tell you it helped so much.  If you call your local hospital, they should be able to refer you to one who won't cost you to go to them.\n\nFor what it's worth, I think that your mom loves you and just wants you to make the most of your life because she's learned the hard way that life is short, and that you have to live it to the fullest.  She just wants to see you do that.  And of course she misses your brother...she wouldn't be normal if she didn't.  But, she can have it both ways...she can love you for you and still miss him.  Sit down and talk to her about it.
540252
I think you should still go out with her (with the full understanding that she might be in a bad mood and that would have NOTHING to do with you) Actually, she might appreciate a chance to cheer herself up, and forget about her mom's illness for a couple of hours (and, she might think very highly of you for giving her a few moments of happiness in a time of great sorrow in her life)
469603
Two of my friends mothers have died it is a very sad time because you are without the most loyal, loving, caring, woman you will ever meet in your life. Lets start off with my neighbors. They have a boy my age who was ten at the time and a daughter who was only three when the aweful event occured. Their mother had been hopitalized for almost too months with a very serious cancer and she saddly died. There was a lot of mourning and nothing seemed to cheer either of them or their father up. We tried invited them over for dinner, taking them to the movies, playing whole family games outside like flash light tag, badmitten, soccer, basketball. Nothing seemed to work. I especially felt bad for their young girl who would have to go through puberty and such withouth her mother which I would not have been able to do with out my mother. About a year later it went back to normal and the mourning wasn't still going on even thought they were oviously still upset and probably thought about her everyday. About a month ago a classmate of mine lost her mother. She was at school bright and early the next day which seem odd. She didn't cry, frown, or seem at all upset. This girl and her mother did not have a good relationship. She was in my kindergarten class when her mother was put in to a mental institute and moved in with her grandmother. Her mother had tried to hurt her and hurt herself. I remeber he once telling me her mother had run over her own foot with a lawn mower. There were also many other little strange, gross stories. She never really seemed upset about any of these things happening and I think that is why she did not care much when her mother passed. I think the mourning period will last occording to how close you were to you mother. My neighbor was attached to his mother and was sad for a very long time. My classmate did not have a good relationship with her mother so she did not get very upset about her mothers death. If you friend was attached to her mother she will probably be sad and feel as though a part of her is missing for the rest of her life. For right now there isnt much you can do to make her feel better it isn't a subject that can easily slip your mind. Just try to be kind and wait until she feels better. Don't try too hard that its obvious that you are trying to make her feel better. Good Luck. I hope that you friend comes out okay. All the love too you.
244160
IM terribly sorry to hear this but it seems to me that you are trying to hard to be a friend and youve lost that line between friend and mother.. My own mother is the complete opposite, we have a great relationship but i cant be truthful with her about anything because shes doesnt agree with most of it and she would guilt me out..But in your circumstance, I would say that the only thing you can do is be her mother, like the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.. you can tell her what you may think is the right way to go, but you cant make her do it. Its tough but at least if it doesnt end up well you can say you tried... I know its tough because ive been in your daughters shoes, and what she needs the most is your love and support, not neglect or guilt. \nMy mom is starting to accept the fact that im an adult and she may not support everything i do she doesnt realy try to guilt me out, and our relationship has grown\nso just be open, calm, and honest.\nI hope this helped
674504
You need to explain this to  your mom.  Chances are, she doesn't realize how it affects you.  Just calmly tell her how it makes you feel.  Honesty is always the best policy.  Between the two of you, you can come up with some solutions on how to handle it.  Maybe your mom can see a counselor to listen to her problems and help with her unhappiness.  Good luck!
122752
I don't know if there is a way to really get over it. She is your mom.  I do know how you feel.  My relationship with my mom has always been strained I always just let her say whatever and took it.  I eventually backed away and we didn't talk for a while. Then we slowly started talking again.  We still talk but don't have a close relationship.  I would give it some time and let her cool down.  Hopefully she will come around.  Hang in there.  But remember that even if she is your mom she shouldn't put you down and she should support you.  So even if you do have a relationship again with her don't rely on her for emotional support.
505369
try to talk to her, i mean i had the same experience with my mom and isnt easy to get along but one day i told her that i wanted to tak to her seriously and i gave her my points of views, since then she respects everything i do and i thing and i respect her as well. Just try to talk with her communication is the base for a good relationship.
97407
too bad for her...that is very self centered.make clear that your mum has a place in your heart as well.
129325
hey hoteve i wish the same thing my family is crazy . sometimes i feel like they dont even know i am here . i also feel like my two older sister get the most of my mom and dad's attention . but i a little bit learned that my parents cant help it they r  just being parents .wishing they would go to hell is not a very good thing . they do do some things for us though . if u ever need to talk just im me it should be listed
397078
What a great man you are for giving her space. Death makes us take time out to reevaluate our life. Especially the death of a parent. I commend her for telling you when she needed space before things got nasty. I would send her gentle reminders that you are still thinking about her. A card is always a nice gentle way to say.. HEY I am thinking about you.. What a wonderful person you are for being there, and loving her from afar. Give her the space that she wants, but make sure to reminder her occationally of what you are feeling. The problem is.. it usually take about a year for a woman to come out of the "fog" of loosing a parent. Just be there for her.. and GOOD FOR YOU!
187854
Vee....This is the Mom you said you wished your mom was like.  I can't be your "angel" but I can be a friend.  Please don't feel alone.\nShow your mom your question and my answer we had the other day about your "personal" problem.  I'm sure if she reads it, and reads what you said back to me, she'll slow down enough to realize she needs to give you the attention you need.  I'm sure she loves you more than life itself, and is trying to provide financial support for her family.  Unfortunately, now that we are in the 2000's it's hard to survive financially unless you burn the candle at both ends.  Just the basic living expenses are very expensive, and looks like there's no end in sight.  And raising a teenage girl and the clothes and things THEY want can almost require a second job! LOL!  Maybe you should say "Thank You" to Mom for providing a good life for you, and make an "appointment" with her to discuss these things.  I think she'll make time for you...I really do.  If you ever want to just talk or blow off steam, please feel free to email me (ljpeterson1956@yahoo.com), and so your mom doesn't think I'm some "pervert" make sure she always sees and knows about our emails if you do write me.  I assure you and her, I'm a 49 year old working full-time mom myself. I've been working in County government for 30 years, and have a 21 year old daughter with health issues. I've had to give extra attention to her because when her Dad and I divorced, he stopped having anything to do with her.  She and I are very close, and I wish that on any young girl trying to cope with this big old scary world.  When I read your letter in ANSWERS I just HAD to respond.  I have a special place in my heart for your situation.  Good luck....and have you made a doctor appointment yet??  ;-)
646401
Do you remember your wedding vows in sickness and in health? You know if my spouse wasnt taking care of me and showing the love and support I needed I might just pack my things and say ADIOS! I mean given you need help if your mother is there to help you then take what you can get. If she isnt being a wife or partner at all then what is the marriage about? Sounds like a house full of misery to me. Thats the last thing you need you need some love and support regardless of the mistakes youve made. If she cant trust you or get over the things that happened maybe you guys should get some help with your marriage. Otherwise if she cant get over it, I think she isnt going to change how she feels and maybe the marriage is over. I think if I was sick with cancer Id want positive things in my life and if someone is dragging me down Id either talk to them about it and work it out or like I said if that doesnt work and youve exhausted other options, stay with your mom. You need positive reinforcement right now to help you get through. Good luck.
60531
I think you miss your mom and one way of dealing with that is to talk to her.  Your sister cares about you, and believes that it can be dangerous trying to talk to or communicate with someone who is dead.  I agree that can be dangerous, but laying in bed and telling your mom you miss her and you love her is a way to mourn.  The danger would come if you go overboard in trying to communicate with your mom, but sharing your feelings is normal and safe.
40217
you are so sweet!  most kids don't see things the way you seem to.  now, i don't have any of my own, but since i am someone's (now adult) child, i think i can give you a few suggestions.  first of all, while it may not be your responsibility to take care of your mother (or anyone else in your family), it is nice that you want to help out.  nothing wrong with that.  now, maybe you can start helping with laundry or other chores.  if you already do help at home, then maybe you can talk to some of your other relatives to see if  they are willing to talk with your mom and get her some help.  or at least give your mom a break by hanging out with you kids (or just you, if you're an only child) while she spends some time alone.  if you want to get her a gift, i'm sure she'll love anything from you.  maybe something for the bath, or some relaxing music?  good luck, and i hope you and your family realize what a good daughter you are:)
569587
I agree with the others who have responded i think you are over reacting.\nYou are probably right she wanted to spend her 18th with just family or at least as much of the day as possible.\n\nPull yourself together and go talk to her take her out for a fancy meal make it sorry for the fight before her birthday meal. appologise for the argument and ask her why you were not invited to the cake cutting etc.\nTell her you love her and think you are "in love with her" never confuse the TWO. love just means like when you say to your mom or gran i love you. but "I'm in love with you" means a whole lot more it means i love every little thing about you and I don't want to lose you out of my life.\nif you feel hurt then yes you are right to feel hurt, tell her that she hurt you she may not realise she did hurt you.\nthe only time feelings are wrong is never. how you feel is how you feel you have a right to those feelings. just talk to her.\n\ngood luck i hope it all works out for you.
601372
No, it's not wrong to feel disheartened, my son. It's very hard when some one you love says "don't kiss me"' like a baby or otherwise. Explain to her why you feel down. Perhaps she doesn't realize what it does mean to you. My family is very demonstrative. We hug and kiss in public. Not everyone is, however. Talk to your sister. She loves you. She'll listen.