When I got married I found out my husband had an undescended testicle at birth.  Me being a nurse, Knew that the procedure needed to be completed by 1 yr of age- no later.  He had the surgery at 5 yrs old.  We were trying to get pregnant but nothing happened.  I just found out that my husband is sterile.  That does not change the way I feel about him or my love.  The kicker is, we got his surgical reports, and it was his mother who decided not to do the surgery even though she knew that her son would not be able to have children in the future.  My husband just found this out but is not tking any sides.  His parents are blaming me for infertility anywhere from- I don't eat right to I'm  hypoglycemic which is not true.  HOW DO I DEAL WITH HIS PARENTS SO MY HUSBAND DOESN'T HAVE TO BE IN THE MIDDLE?  I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW>  \nPs, I've never done a chat roon before.  I need help!\nThanks,
128085
I feel for you.  You are in a tight spot.  Has your husband seen a urologist?  There are ways nowadays with microscopic procedures to take tissue from the male and extract sperm from it.  You'd be amazed!  I don't know your feeling of donor sperm, but there are a lot of sperm banks where you can purchase sperm and do an insemination in a physicians office.  Right now, is too late to dwell on what happened many years ago.  Deal with the problem, look for solutions and move on.  I'm sure his mother didn't mean to hurt her son.  Let him know that you love him and work as a team to achieve the goal of a happy, health child.
135721
I am mentally ill. I can say it. I have had to endure 30 brain surgeries and I suffer, believe me- I SUFFER- some lingering side effects of it. The surgery was for a birth deffect that wasn't detected til I was 19. \n I now suffer from severe bio-polar disorder and, without my meds, I can have mild schitzophrenic tendencies .  Ok, cool. As Long as I knowwww what is wrong with me and how to treat it, I'm ok. I can handle it. \n\n   This person in your house, that might or might not have mental problems, may not even realize they have a problem. I know it took 3 years for us to decide/realize what was wrong with me.  Ever hear of an intervention. or are you the only one who feels this person has a problem? \n    No , you don't have the right to tell someone to 'get off the drugs' when they aren't on any and you KNOW that for a fact. ( Maybe tell them to start taking the RIGHT ones..it took me 8 years to get to the right 'cocktail' of meds I am on now so that I don't talk to the trees and don't cry when they don't answer me. LOL its not thaaat bad,  just kidding  a little But it does take time and cooperation on EVERYONE's part. ) Go to the person , offer what you've observed and offer to HELP said person get the help that they NEED, or to at least see someone and determine if they need anything. It sounds simple, but it isn't. I know. I had to hospitalize my husband twice in the first year we were married before we got him properly diagnosed/medicated for bipoler problems. It stinks and its hard, but up front is the only way to go. Just don't let that person doubt your love and  support for them. \nBy the way... you don't wanna know what all I am on!!
266660
Dear lady,\n\ni really simpathize on you! one-  what did your husband tell u if he is not fit for intercourse did he just keep quiet ignore or suggested you of something? second- talk to him  about your feelings and more over its your life and u have a huge life in front of you don you wanna have children in future how will u b satisfied without sex... just by being with his family and him, unless you are not at all interested in it u may continue,if u think u break this marriage can u support yourself instead of being on yr parents if yes go ahead support yr self then marry someone else coz this is no good to b with a person where there is no future. your inlaws are very good bcoz they cheated u and yr family hiding their sons fact...and so they will remain good. If you wanna continue u may with him being a nurse yr whole life. If not have an extra affair to fulfill yr needs talk to him about it. or just hide it..
68550
this is a personal thing for me to discuss, but hey, you asked the question.\n\na few years ago, i gave birth to a baby girl that i knew i couldnt afford to take care of. my ex b/f wouldnt get a job, wouldnt help me at all through my whole pregnancy. when i was about 6 months pregnant, i found a wonderful family to adopt her. the mother had always wanted to have a little girl they have 3 boys (GREAT kids) and after thath she was unable to conceive. so i began talking to her on a daily basis, they flew me to the state they lived in to give birth to their daughter. the whole time i was in the hospital, the mother (name withheld) spend most of my stay in the hospital with me. \nto this day, i wonder what my little girl is doing, and things like that..i havent talked to the family since i got home from basic training and ait,but i know, that my little girl is receiving all of the attention, and love that she deserves..both of which are things i could have (and still in my heart) gave her, however there is no way i could have afforded to give her the awesome life she deserves.
434684
Amy\n\nI am surprised to see your posting.  Do you not feel we are helping you adequately?  The procedure your father wants carries with it great risks and we are doing our best to find the best surgeons for you rather that turn this into some profit making opportunity.  We have rejected two doctors in India for lack of experience and our chief medical officer is currently in India working on this for you including finding you a surgeon in Singapore as an alternative as well.  We here at planethospital are also very concerned for your father's well being and you know we are working very hard for you.  If you feel otherwise, tell us so that we can satisfy you.  the resources going into helping your father should not go in vain so if you have no intent in using us, or just want to pick our brain then we would need to deploy those resources for other clients.  I hope to hear back from you
644700
it's very hard for us men to understand the desire you have to want a biological child of your own, that "biological clock" kinda thing. we think more of the fact that some strange man will be impregnating our wife. \nits a hard enough thing to get over an affair, with a child as an outcome. and i know the two are TOTALLY different, but to a man..they are quite similar in feeling.\nhe may feel inadequate as a man, for being unable to give you what you so desperately want; a child. and he may resent that you want that child so badly that you would choose to be pregnant by a stranger..rather than adopt.\nmy wife and i discussed this option at length..i personally didn't like the idea...but i wouldn't have denied her the right to have the biological child she dreamed of having; she choose not to go that route...but only because in the end, the idea of another man's sperm..in her...made her ill.\n\nyou both need to discuss every option, i know he doesn't want to...but i think if you try to calmly let him know just how important it is to you, he would listen. let him know you want to hear HIS side of it as well. \ngood luck
137188
Oh, little girl.. Never never and never.\n\nSee how many people are there to answer you. No one has any problem to answer you. I am sure most of them, though they may have hundreds of their own personal problems, will be always ready to answer you and support you.  See the wonder ful people who answered here... \nmeta4icks, matilda, krisj38, mompoo, st martin, lulykofford, lahsgirl2010, cos_studygro, OneRunningMan, otraves, nacho_bella420\n\nAfter all, as mompoo told here, which other answer in yahoo-answers is worth answering.. Have you seen any other questions, many of them make us sick. We all will listen to you a thousand times. Dont worry.\n\nAnd it is you who has to come forward and tell us boldly one day. "hey come on, I am okay now, I am very happy, I dont have any bad thougthts now.."\n\nWe are all eager to hear that from you. But you see, we will not go away till you tell that  : )  .  Well, take your own time. These things will take their own time.  We will be here for you.\n\nHave you read meta4icks' answer very carefully? \nYou need to read it once again. I have experienced this in the past. So I can tell what he says is right. Your question this time is a different question. See yourself..\n\nEarlier, it was a helpless person's request for support. Today, it is a very rational question... Very rational. Your conscious mind (though with all the stress) has already started taking control over the situation.... slowly.. Todays question is not a helpless voice, but a rational, realistic reaction to the outside world.... (The answer from our side is -- "Dont worry , we are here for you."  But, dear little girl, you are fast improving.. realize that.. \n\nSome one pointed out in the previous questions' answers that you have taken the right step to connect with others. That itself was a big leap forward in the right direction. Now you have already established some contacts with medical experts. Probably you have to go one more step forward and connect with a local person, who can talk to you in person. (The internet is not the best communication medium)\n\nWhat nacho says should be considered in the positive sense. He/she is only asking you to go forward to take more positive steps. There is a danger tomorrow a sadist person trying to destroy all the good improvement you have aleady made. So please learn to ignore others saying-- that is the meaning of what Nacho says.\n\nI ask you to write down and keep for later reading what otraves says. It is a naked truth. "We are all mad.." I would correct his statement. All human being ae nuerotic. At certain point of time this will become a little serious and we may need outside support. I am sure some of the medical expert will endorse my saying, I read this long back in a psychology book-- it says every human being is actuall y nuerotic.\n\nSt marin, your answer is really encouraging. And most others' answers. \n\nhey, you have to give us chocolates when you are completely happy. okay? I know you can not send chocolates to all of us, But you will sure send a greeting card with  a virtual chocolate.. Promise?\n\nHow sweet is this world.. We all need you to be with us in this world overcoming temporary dark time...  You need to make this world sweeter...
63489
hey, man...i know you're not making a big fuss over this matter nor fretting out too, bad, are you? GOOD! because everybody is created uniquely special.. soooo special! whatever it is, trust HIM that He got a great plan for it...whatever the size is...your doctor would agree if i say it doesnt affect the act of procreation...have a wonderful day! thanks!
337394
Tell that to the doctors that told me in December that my husband was going to die, that there was nothing that any of the medications, doctors or anyone else could do for him.\n\nask the same surgical team who could not understand why my husband was not on life support and was breathing on his own, oxygenating at 98% on 3L of oxygen when it should have been a vent breathing for him.\n\nThe same doctor that told me there was nothing that modern medicine could do saw my husband in the month of February for his check up and told him point blank that he KNEW my husband had a miraculous recovery.  Believe what you want about who you want, and respect the right of the born again to believe what they want...you won't change us, nor will you break our faith.
458254
I am not a only child but I am the youngest. I am 45 years old and never wanted children as you don't. I love kids alot, but just didn't ever want to have any. I have lost both of my parents, my Mom just recently. My parents had grandchildren from my other siblings, but my nieces and nephews treated my Mom like a piece of you know what. My Mom was glad I never had children thank goodness. Sometimes I would ask my Mom what I will do when I get old and have no one to come and see me or help me in any sort of way. My Mom had the best answer that could have been given. She said, just because someone has kids, doesn't mean any of them will help take care of you or come to see you. That is so true. I took care of my Mom for the last nearly 6 years of her life and my brother and sister-in-law only came by our house to see us about once every 3 months. Sometimes it was longer than that. My sister never came around unless she wanted something. Just tell your Mom that you and your husband both agreed before marriage that neither one of you wanted children. It is best to just tell her and get it over with. She may be hurt or angry, but it will pass. It is your life with your husband and your husband is your family. Do not under any circumstances have a child you don't want in the first place just to please your Mom or anyone else. It would make things alot worse on you and your husband. Plus it wouldn't be fair to the child either. I also knew at a very early age that I didn't want children. I love kids, but I want the ones I can keep for a while and send back home to their own parents. LOL  Just tell your Mom and get it over with. Get the burden off of your shoulders and you will feel better. Good luck.
292226
The world right now in May of 2006 is climbing toward 7,000,000,000 -- yes, billion -- people.  For health reasons, you have had a hysterectomy.  And now your husband wants another baby.  What do YOU want?  Do you have any children in the first place?  Have you or he had children together, or do you have children from previous relationships?  How much strain would this pregnancy put on your body and your relationship?  All of these questions and more, I'm sure, need to be considered.\n\nIn vitro may be an option, but it's expensive and very iffy, with maybe a 10% chance of impregnation at any one time.  At several thousand dollars per cycle and no promises, IVF is often an emotional rollercoaster, as people get their hopes up and then nothing.  Are you willing to go through, potentially, months and years of disappointment, dwindling finances and no child at the end?\n\nUsing a surrogate is a possibility, but surrogacy is fraught with emotional time-bombs.  Some surrogates want to keep the baby.  Mothers who cannot have children physically may be resentful and jealous of the other woman's ability to become and stay pregnant.  I don't know what the protocol is after a child is born from a surrogate, but it seems an extraordinary thing for a woman to give birth to a child and then just walk away, but I suppose that's how it's done.  \n\nUltimately if you don't have a uterus, you cannot have a baby naturally that I'm aware of.  You would have to use a surrogate, or you would have to adopt.  I'd suggest you do some research and reading first, talk this over with your husband, and talk it over with yourself, and think about what you really want.  \n\nIt sends up a big red flag to me that after a hysterectomy where your uterus is removed, your husband suddenly wants a baby -- and obviously you cannot do this.  Is it really a baby he wants, or something else emotionally?  Having a baby complicates relationships and never solves any problem.  Babies even when wanted bring stress to a relationship.  Perhaps some marriage counseling and/or some very honest talks are very much in order.  I wish you the best.\n\nGood luck.  Cheers, K
263561
well it's impossible to make any conclusive statements without knowing the entire case and what exactly was damaged.  if it was intussusception (when one part of the intestine "telescopes" into another causing a blockage of his bowels) and then a ruptured bowel, then this should not really affect his ability to have kids later in life.  I believe if there had been any involvement of his reproductive system the surgeons would have told you.
512709
Sweetie,,I am in your shoes as well..I have been a Mom and Dad to my 10 yr old daughter,,and for the first few yrs (we have been apart for 8 yrs) I kept asking myself "Am I not doing enough? " You fell in love with this "man" and you are doing your part 150 plus percent...there are some guys out there that love the marriage part,but not the parenting.This is a lesson we have all got to learn,and yes,I know it hurts bad,especially since you are carrying and your hormones are on a ride right now,but you are still entitled to feel hurt.And I know it is exhausting to be both parents to those lovley kids you have..but look at it this way..you have the undying love of those kids which outweighs the love that any man could think of mustering up..you are doing a great job..and just because he does'nt act like he cares..it is not the end of the world..you will heal from his heartache..and you are sure to find someone who loves you for you AND your children..good luck to you..be strong..and it's ok to cry...I sometimes still do..but over the years..the crying is more happy tears than sad.
566497
Return to your specialist. If he/she cannot help you, seek a different specialist. My son was born with birth defects 26 years ago, and I discovered that there are degrees of specialists, i.e., just because someone is a specialist, it doesn't make him or her an absolute authority. When a specialist would "give up" on my son, and basically say he was going to die and there was nothing more to be done,I would simply find a different specialist who could help him.  He is now 26 and getting married this summer. Had I accepted one specialist's answer, he would not be alive today. Something is obviously wrong with you and you need to find a physician who can help you. I have gone to 4 specialists for help recently, including the U of Mich. who could not help me with a major medical problem I was having. I went on the net, found yet another specialist who solved my problem in one office visit!!!!
417632
My wife is the bravest person I know.  She was diagnosed with Lupus at the age of 15.  The doctors told her that her life expectancy would be ten years.  Imagine being told that at fifteen.  Last year she turned 28 and finished dental school.  She is doing great.  We are planning on having our first child next year and have been given the help and support we need by loving and caring doctors.  Our life is wonderful, inspite of this terrible disease.  She has her good days and her bad ones.  Sometimes she can't walk up a flight of stairs or carry in the groceries but we look at eachother and laugh realizing that our kids will probably have to push us around in wheelchairs when we get older.  I love her more than anything and she feels the same about me.  I go to the doctors with her and share in her care.  There is hope out there and you have to find someone who will be willing to take the journey with you.  I'm not saying it's always easy, I have my down days too, but I wouldn't change a thing.  She has made me a stronger man and I have been able to have the life that I only dreamed of.  I wish you the best of luck.  Don't give up hope you'll find someone out there who's willing to share life with you.
556875
Our oldest is autistic and wasn't properly diagnosed until age 6. It was actually a relief to find out what was going on. We felt like complete failures as parents because it seemed like everything we did for him was wrong. Once we knew what was going on and were able to educate ourselves, we were able to relate to him better and find a comfortable home life.\n\nAs for how my partner dealt with it... there were times when he was so frustrated he blamed me, himself and the doctors. Of course, I did the same thing. It made our marriage hell for awhile. The important thing is that we resolved ourselves to deal with the situation and we've made it through.\n\nI think all children are a gift from God... regardless of a disability. And, no, I wouldn't have changed anything from conception to birth. There's no guarantee that anything would have turned out differently.
541923
I don't think you have a thing to worry about as I know other people that has had baby's that have it and the baby's were fine. If you and your husband are not happy with what the doctor said about it, I think that I would go to another doctor for a second opinion.