My husband and I were high school sweethearts that married 10 years ago. I left him because he refused to hold a job and wouldnt interact with the children. We went into therapy and it seems to be helping us help our marriage. He is now holding down a full time job and has taken the kids to Disney. They (the kids) have told me that daddy has changed and they want to live with him again. We never divorced - just seperated. I feel he is honestly trying to do right and the love we share for each other is tremendous. Am I being taken for a fool or is it worth saving? I do feel he has changed by the way - just not sure as to how much as we hardly see each other due to working too much. Honest clean answers only please. Thanks!
126032
It doesn't sound like you are being taken for a fool. You are describing consistent and positive changes in your husband's behavior. What a blessing! It's so refreshing to see a couple get the help they need. If you're not ready to live together again yet, how about courting each other? Maybe you need a totally fresh start. Go on dates and get to know each other again. And go on family outings. Be up front with your kids that you and daddy love each other and are trying to work things out. I believe in time you will see that he truly has changed for the better. Give your marriage a chance. I think you're going to be very happy!\n\nGod Bless!
67923
I would reccomend that you do some real tough self analysis, Im not suggesting that your nuts, Im talking about looking deep within yourself to see why you want to be with this man? Your evidence is ;\nhe has been emotionaly abusive to your children.\nhe has been emotionaly abusive to you\nhe may be trying to get you to do things you dont want to  \n          He knows you and you know him, ask yourself, do I want to go through this again, do I think he will be good to my children this time?\n          It sounds to me like he has many issue's to work out before he could be a good husband and father. I'm sorry if this sounds very judgmental, but I have very little patience for abusors. I feel that the victims of abuse need to be taken care of first and kept safe. If he wants to become a person who will be good for you and your kids let him do it first then consider reconciliation.\n     This way you will not have to deal with more abuse from him, no one needs hear put downs from their family, and you wont have to deal with any guilt you would have for allowing him into the lives of your children and him doing more emotional damage to them.
100690
Unfortunately you are going to be the ultimate judge of that. Is it different this time? Are his actions following his words? How do you feel about his being back? How does he treat your daughter?\nYou might be setting yourself up for the big fall, which means he will do it again. You must think of what is best for you and your daughter. GOOD LUCK
71807
I fully understand your crisis. My EX-HUSBAND of 10 years went into the military and we basically kepted in contact by phone. He would also come home once in a blue moon and finally after completing 5 years in the Air Force, he one day surprised me by appearing at the door step. Our daughter was 5 years old at the time and I had already built a complete seperate lifestyle without him. I was working full-time and a student along with caring for our daughter, home, bills, etc. \n\nUpon his arrival, I felt so claustrophobic and found myself everyday becoming more and more frustrated. Even my boss pulled me aside and told me about the change in behavior. AND I dropped out of college, just couldn't function. Finally, after (1) year living together...I hate to say it..BUT, I left him and went back to what I knew...went to what truly made me happy. Today, he's re-married and very happy with the women who worships the ground he walks on. I don't regret what I did one bit. \n\nI'm not telling you that the easy way out of a situation is to just walk away. BUT, from the sound of things, not only are you not thinking of having a family, but second guessing on living with your husband. Apparently, you are not ready to give up your privacy nor space. A marriage counselor would be suggested in this situation...but at the same time, YOU have to also sit back and soul-search, because only YOU know what your heart desires.\n\nI would suggest that you speak with him and in a hurry, before allowing yourself to be unhappy in this marriage.   Do yourself a favor and break it to him gently. Because as a married women age (35), within a year, you will end up looking (50) from stress, frustration, and unhappiness.
582339
I just celebrated my 1st anniversary and the first weeks after the wedding were anticlimactic and I too was unhappy.  The reason:  The wedding and preparations were over.   And I thought "is this it?"  Reality set in with a quickness.\n\nAs time has progressed and problems have occurred, I think back to why I married this man and everything gets better.  Through this year I have threatened to leave he has threatened to leave, we have discussed counseling but we have done none of the above.  \n\nNow we have settled into a routine where we once again love and respect each other and we look forward to the years to come.\n\nYes we lost that spark but there was still an ember and we have fanned it into a blazing flame.\n\nGood luck
244405
I am a doctor and while having wild trouble with my wife, I decided to never be with here again.  I have 2 kids. A few months later, 4 to be exact, I started living with one of my patients, who is 40, and had a wild drive for me since 2 years ago. While being my patient nothing happened, but we started talking after I left my wife, never to return I thought. I lived with this woman for over a year, and that was the happiest time of my life. Nevertheless, my kids were having very serious trouble, and even though I did not wish to see my wife again, I decided to return to my kids and get them out of trouble. I will never stop loving my patient, she was the sweetest girl I've never known, but I cannot live happily with her while my kids are going down hill. I may be damned, but I need my kids to be OK for me to be happy, and they demand my presence. I could never feel happy while being with the woman I love while my kids are going through trouble. You being a virgin is not an issue to me, it should not be an issue to you, it should not be an issue for anybody loving you. What worries me is to find you left aside because this guy is married. I am not saying it is right or wrong, I am saying I doubt he will feel absolutely and sincerely happy with you while thinking about his kids. Been there, done that, don't go there, yo don't want to go there. You'll be happy for a while, and then you will know hell. Excuse my honesty, but I do not wish any human being to go through my experience. Hence I have the need to speak about it. And only anonimously. Take my word: you don't want this.\nPD: I am aged 46.
313917
Wow.. You have honestly been blessed, having been a single mom myself and recently married, I know the state of shock your talking about. And yes, he loves you that much. Congratulations !\n\nJust know that, hundreds of single moms every day are hoping and pray for what we have been blessed with. \n\nStand proud & love him, soon your going to be a family
49183
Been there, done that. I was 17 when I got married, I am now 34 and yes, we are still married. I had my son when I was 19, my daughter when I was 20 and my other daughter when I was 22. My hubby had a career when we got together but since he was still young(he was 20) he still had more he wanted to do with his life. More dreams he wanted to accomplish. I loved him and wanted him to be succesful and do his thing so that his dreams could come true and I figured it was all ok because I would take care of the kids and the house. I figured I could go back to school later. We struggled, financially and  emotionally. We loved each other(and still do) and thought that was all we needed to get us through.I got a job to help with the bills and tried to take a class at the local community college. It was hard working full time all day, going to class twice aweek at night doing homework, keeping up with the house work and trying to find time to spend with hubby and the kids. The kids spent alot of time with a sitter(she was good but a sitter is not mom) It was exhausting. I finished my class and decided to wait until he was finished with all his schooling and until I had more time and money.\nIt's funny how when you don't live your dreams at the right time, and think that you can do it later, later never comes.\nLife got in the way so I never went back to school. My kids are teenagers now and we aren't rich, sometimes we still struggle financially. I still want to go back to school but I know that in 3 years my son will be graduating from high school so I am saving MY education money so he can go to college and so his sister can the year after that.Then 2 years after her, my youngest will need the funds to go to college. They will all go to college because I don't want them to be where I am right now. Not regretting that I got married, especially  to the guy I am with, but , wishing I had waited until I had done the things that needed to be done to make me feel accomplished.  I could have had more to offer  my children, ( more time with them, the ease of knowing that the electric will always be on instead of them having to worry about things like that). I'm not gonna tell you not to get married, that's a decision you will have to make on yur own. I will tell you though, to think it over, in a mature fashion, without your feelings for your guy getting in the way. Think about the things you need to do for you, what you want out of life. Think about your future children and how you want to live. Then make your decision. \nDon't be 34 and wishing you had done things differently. \nThere's only one road in life and it is a one way road going forward. You can't go back to change things, so, make your choices count.
103549
This really depends on the exact reason he left like the others said.  My opinion would be if you truly wanted him back.  No man should leave his family because he is having some personal life changing issue.  My husband and I have literally been to hell and back and not once have we ever walked out on each other.  The key is open communication.  You obviously didn't have enough open communication for him to just leave.  My husband and I talk through everything.  We always keep our kids in mind when making any life changing decisions.  Kids are too young to understand and more often than not will blame themselves for what has happend with their parents.  \n\nIf he comes back or more importantly, if you decide to allow him back after this, you both need to have a very long talk and seek some sort of counseling.  Either professional or through a church.  He seems to be too young to have to walk out or leave his family.  In my opinion, he either wasn't ready for his family, or he is too self centered to care about how you and the children would react to it.  You MUST have an open relationship!  For better or for worse!  Isn't that what you said when you go married.  He should have thought about that then.  \n\nYou shouldn't put up with it.  If I were you, I would have a change of life yourself.  Two can play the game.  Keep your head up and don't let this get you down.  Let him see you are not concerned with the fact that he is gone and that you are perfectly capable of doing it on your own.  I'm not saying it will be easy, but look at your kids and know that no matter what you will never leave them and you will be there for them until the day you die.  That will pull you through.  \n\nI pray for the best for you.  Good luck and God Bless Y'all!!
172595
Hi, i viewed your 360 page, you havea cute baby! I have a 2 and a half yr old daughter, im not married, never been married and i have been raiseing my daughter on my own since last yr. I was a stay at home, from the time my daughter was born til she was 14 months old and had a job for about a month, but then stuff blow up between my ex and i and we split i had a joob for 10  months last yr and then went back to being a stay at home mom for 5 months, i am back to working now, if your bored and like to chat send me a message to renae8003@yahoo.com, hope you like my answer and get back to me!
512709
Sweetie,,I am in your shoes as well..I have been a Mom and Dad to my 10 yr old daughter,,and for the first few yrs (we have been apart for 8 yrs) I kept asking myself "Am I not doing enough? " You fell in love with this "man" and you are doing your part 150 plus percent...there are some guys out there that love the marriage part,but not the parenting.This is a lesson we have all got to learn,and yes,I know it hurts bad,especially since you are carrying and your hormones are on a ride right now,but you are still entitled to feel hurt.And I know it is exhausting to be both parents to those lovley kids you have..but look at it this way..you have the undying love of those kids which outweighs the love that any man could think of mustering up..you are doing a great job..and just because he does'nt act like he cares..it is not the end of the world..you will heal from his heartache..and you are sure to find someone who loves you for you AND your children..good luck to you..be strong..and it's ok to cry...I sometimes still do..but over the years..the crying is more happy tears than sad.
304488
I think the question you need to ask yourself is: do you still love him? If his treatment has worn your love away, I would say it's time to go. There IS better. A loving husband does not neglect or abuse his wife.
444356
Sometimes staying married for the sake of the children, hurts them in the long run.  Children can pick up when the parents aren't getting along. Growing up in a loveless marriage is hard on everybody.  What do you really think you are teaching them when they get into relationships.  You speak of him being abusive towards you, any time that is evident, I feel you must distance yourself from that situation, also this is definitely not good for your children to witness.  If he were able to sit down and talk in a civil manner, perhaps you might have a chance, but it seems like he is cutting off all communication .  It's a hard situation no matter which way you decide to go, but whatever you do, think of the children first.
610864
Funny I should run into this question as I was thinking the same thing about my own six year marriage.   I had just been able to get a job since our kids are at the age where they can go to headstart. I just turned around last night to look at him at his computer and blurted out the words..."will you go out on a date with me?"  He turned and gave me a weird look til he seen i was seriious.  We then proceeded to ask where the other would want to go and  when.  So three weeks from now we hve a babysitter planned for the day and we are going out to see a movie an out to eat and do whatever else we cn think of.  Good Luck.
288808
You sound like a great wife, he should be glad to have someone who supports him so much.  I'm kind of in the same situation.  I kept my day job and work full time while I attend night classes to earn my degree and then I can move on.  It's really really hard having a full time job and being a full time student...but I'm glad to see that you and your husband know that the work and the payoff is better than him being in a miserable job.  I really doubt your husband is too old to start learning new things.  However, as far as marriage, keep in mind that if he takes night classes or even if he quits his job and gets a new one while he goes to school...he won't be around as much and he'll have more responsibilities.  Me and my wife sometimes don't see each other for awhile and argue sometimes, but it's not that bad.  Good luck!
379868
He may well love his daughter but you say you've been together 7 years which have not been good so, maybe he's thinking about the long term and would rather be an absent loving father than a present one in a less than pleasant scenario. Test of the situation will be if he maintains her and has regular visits and contact. As a mother, I could not have done that but some do from the very best of motives for the well being of the child they have to leave. To be a tad harsh.........I get the impression he is leaving you, not your and his daughter. Sometimes a loving but absent parent is kinder to the child in the long term.
28703
I think you should leave and divorce him.It is an emotional strain on your kids as well as yourself.If you won't do it for yourself then do it for your children.It might be hard at first because it will probably be hard for you to make a change after being with him for so many years.A lot of people have a hard time making a change because they are afraid of the unknown even though they are miserable and deep down know that it would be best for them and their kids.You and your children deserve better.Just do it and get on with the rest of your life.