I am sorry this is not a question, but there is no one I can tell about how I feel now. You all may choose your own paths and options as you may. I know in my heart, in my head, and in my being, that there is no such thing as God, joy, happiness, karma. There is nothing, we are all just waiting to die someday, and I will grace the day that it will come to me, however it may be, for I will finally no longer have to tolerate living with human-kind, the thing I hate most of all. For me there is nothing anymore, not even a reason to live, because to me there is no sense of right and wrong anymore, everything was all a lie, and nothing will ever ever change that, nothing. I am nothing more than a dead man walking.
128763
I think maybe you are failing to look at the bigger picture here.  Consider that the trials and problems of your life are lessons, that things happen for a reason to mold us into the person that somewhere down the road we will become.  The person that will positively affect the world and those around you.\n\nTry reprogramming your thinking.  Embrace your obsticles, your trials, your conflicts, as EXPERIENCE.  Think of it like this.  A boxer, whom I cannot recall was once asked how he had such huge arms, and chest, tremendous stregnth.  He said, Hey you know what, I took the biggest amount of weight possible, and used it to resist me physicaly from moving it, and had my mind enforce my muscle tissue to push against this huge weight, and I did it over and over and over and over again.\n\nThe relevance here is that you have to visualize your problems as that great weight, that you are pushing against.  That the weight of these conflicts are there to condition your mind and body to greatness.\n\nAs for God, well its his job to make you the person he wants you to be, that he prepares you for the purpose he has for you.  God gives you these trials for a reason, to make you a stronger person, to show you your true potential when it is all said and done.\n\nGod, joy, happiness, and karma, do exist, there are many out there that will testify to its existance.  Do not lose sight of the greater prize here, which is the person you are to be for the purpose that only God himself knows of.\n\nKeep your chin up, you are not a dead man walking, but a man walking alive, and ready to fulfill some destiny that you are being conditioned for.  I envy you, because your conditioning is far greater then my own, which must mean that your purpose in life is far greater.
281854
Honestly, I'm petrified of God. I don't know exactly why because He sent His Son to SAVE me, but I'm absolutely terrified that I'm not really saved and I'm not going to go to Heaven... I know that probably doesn't help you to feel any better, but at least you know you're not alone.
612787
Ya wanna hear something goofy? When I was a teenager, I felt just like you! I would wish to god I was a Siamese twin, just so I wouldn't feel so alone. It is hard to explain, I wasn't really lonely cause I had lots of friends and people who loved me, it's more a feeling that all of them and the whole human race belonged to this,(something) what ever it was except me! I could be in a room full of people yet feel all alone. Then one day I started asking myself: WHAT DO I WANT? As I lay in my dark bed   crying myself to sleep, I would ask: WHAT DO I WANT RIGHT NOW? WHAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL AND FILL THE VOID IN ME? Perhaps something that would make me a part of something! Well I don't really know what to tell you except I volunteered for a suicide hot line, I served underprivileged children dinners, I  worked at a mission, helping the homeless, I sat with the elderly etc. and as time passed, the awful feeling of being alone gradually went away! That was quite a few years ago and I haven't felt that way since. I don't know what happened, but what ever it was, it sure worked for me. Maybe it will work for you too! Good Luck!
669728
When my Grandpa died the day after my 14th birthday, I wanted to die. I spent my birthday in hospital watching him. He was in a coma, and was for 4 days before passing away. It's the most horrific pain i've experienced in my life. It's now been 7.5years and although the pain has subsided, i still find that sometimes I'll just sit and cry because I miss him so much. I was his favourite of 16 grandchildren, and he was my favourite person in the world, and now i'll never know if he really knew how much he meant to me. The pain will change, but it will never go away. I am SO sorry for your loss, and I completely understand what you're going through. My thoughts are with you.
198441
No worries, my friend. We're all crazy. I know I am!\n\nBesides, you're right. It matters not what the world thinks of you. It only matters what you think of yourself...and what God thinks. \n\nMoreover, you are very poetic! I liked some of the visions you explained- like the bird flying on the winds of the desert. It kind of alludes to the existential isolation that we all must bear in this indifferent universe.\n\nMaybe the voice was God- maybe it wasn't. But he does exist, and he does speak to us.\n\nYou lived on for a reason. Maybe sometime, a revelation will emerge forth, and you will understand why you haven't completed your mission in life just yet.\n\nI almost died at least on one occasion, myself- life is sacred to me now, and although life is painful, it's worth living.\n\nMark my words- you are okay in my book. The truly sick people are out in the streets, my friend- they don't even know that they are sick. They are the ones that belong in a hospital.
276398
My father died because he was hit by a car (the driver was drunk) when I was five. I don't remember how I felt at the time it happened and I have no memories of my father which I find very sad. \nAn older sister of mine (I had 5 altogether) died 2 years ago due to complications after a simple operation. She left behind 3little children. \nIt's hard to describe how you feel when someone close to you dies. \nI think the worst for me was facing my sister's children. I know they can still have a happy childhood. I have very happy memories of my own childhood, so I believe they will be OK, but being with these little ones and seeing the pain and sorrow in their little faces, was almost unbearable at times. \nMy sister took a picture of her eldest girl before she died. In the picture my niece is holding a little rabbit and her whole face is brimming with happiness. There is not a trace of sorrow in her eyes. \nA year after my sister died, another picture was taken of my niece. It's hard to believe, that it's the same girl. She is smiling but the sadness in her eyes seems so deep, she looks so hurt and vulnerable, that it just makes me wanna cry every time I look at this picture. \nThe only thought that has been of any comfort to me, was knowing, that both my father and my sister, had a relationship with God.\nI believe they are with Him now and that one day, I will see them again.
559793
man, i feel bad for you. you're playing on the wrong team. God is so real. it seems like everyday he's proving himself (to me anyway). i mean there are times i look back and it could have only been God that got me through. God gives me peace, protection, and he is a great provider. My first year in college I didn't have a job or a dime to my name, but God made a way for me. He made is so that I was never hungry, and that I never wanted for anything. to you God might be an "invisible friend" but for me he is my best friend. the bible is a guide that tells us how to live. and if people live right they dont have to fear God. he gave his only son for us, do you really think that he wants to destroy us? to cripple us with fear? No, thats not him, he is loving. I'm sorry if you feel that God has failed you, or that he's not real, because you're missing out.
133472
I am happy serving God and I have always been that way.  Being a human, we go through things in life and because of our emotions and feelings, we are unhappy with situations in our lives.  But I am angry at those situations, not God.  \nI have felt rewarded by God simply because I am alive at this very moment.  I have been through so much in my life and at the time, I would ask myself why was this happening to me.  But I realize now, that those moments made me a stronger person and a stronger believe in Christ.  According to the doctors and everyone else, me and my mother, who have been suffering from so many things including cancer and tumors and many different diseases, should have been dead a long time ago.  But their medical books can only go through so much.  Where they leave off, my Bible gets me through the rest... my Bible tells a whole other truth and that is what I go by.  I do believe that when you dedicate your life and being to God, that your benefit will be to reside in Heaven with Him.  If not, then you will burn in Hell for all eternity.  I know that its hard to grasp the fact that something we can not see nor touch is going to swoop us up and that this earth will be no more. BUT IT'S TRUE.  God has brought me out of too much for me to not to believe in Him.  It wasn't fate or destiny or any of that stuff.  I would not be here if it wasn't for the grace of God.  I walk by faith and never by sight and that is what gets me through.  There are many that don't believe and I pray for them every day and night that God shines blessing into their lives that one day, their eyes are opened to recieve the full benefits of serving God.  I know it's hard but my life has been so much better since I have given it up to God.  People walk around and want to believe in lies and deceit and take all kinds of risk.  Well if you don't believe, take this risk.  Because in the end, its something that is truly worth fighting for.  And I will continue to fight for our God and through my faith.  It has gotten so many people so far in this life and if me believing in something is keeping me alive and helping me get through this world, then I will continue to do just that.
124538
There is nothing sadder than someone thinking that their or someone else's suffering is part of "god's plan." Don't live like this people. Don't think that eventually some god is going to make everything better. Make your life great on your own. Don't rely on help from a god. Do everything you can to make your life and those you know and love better. Then you will be happy. You don't have to go on suffering because you think some god out there is testing you or will eventually make it better.\n\nI live without a god. I make my own success and happiness. I live without thinking I can get help from above. It is a great, liverating feeling.
386792
I think some people simply feel like they have reached the end of their rope and have no choice but to take their own lives. I do not believe God has left them, I think they are to depressed to realize his presence. He aches for each and every one of his children as they are tested and he hopes we all pass each test as that is what makes our faith stronger. But for those who do not pass it or who bow out of the competition, I think he takes into consideration your state of mind at the time and your overall existence while you were here. I do not believe he automatically sends that person to Hell. My daughter was 13 when her 14 year old boyfriend shot himself in the head. I believe God knows what pain that child was going through and would take him into Heaven and give him comfort from whatever it was that weighed so heavily on his thin young shoulders. I hope this helps some.
278437
Hey your story touched me so i thought i would take the time to answer it, at least as best as i can! x\n\nFirstly, it must be dreadful to feel empty and lonely-as in a sense, perhaps you feel like you have lost half of your identity, as obviousley your mum is half of your biological makeup-and half of you!\n\nBut on the opposide side of this, is the fact that in that sense, she will always be a part of you, as you are half of her, which should give you some comfort. You are one of the closest people to her; so when you feel lonely and down think about this!\n\nAlso Never say Never either, and keep an open mind! Who is to say there isnt an afterlife? Its best not to think pessimistic, and say that you will never see her again. If she died, perhaps she died for a reason and is no longer in pain and is in peace.\n\nTry to talk to a close member of your family who would perhaps understand. Try not to dwell on the past and embrace the family that you have presently. At the end of the day your mum is in your heart and is a part of you, and that will never fade.\n\nxx
71218
I'm so sorry to hear this. Well i know how you feel i have gone through 4 loved ones deaths. It will be hard to go through, what i love to do was surround my self with friends and family, and remember the person who just passed on. ITs good to cry, makes you feel better. Sometimes writing can help. but i blive that friends and family around is the best thing, they can cheer you!!! I am praying for you and god bless you all. im so sorry!
343975
[aside: try not to judge me by what i'm gonna say-- because everything I say is gonna be from my point of view and what I believe.]\n\nfirstly, it's awesome that you're seeking help-- because in a sense-- that's you fighting back.\n\n... i wish i was smarter or more eloquent in the things i say. but i'll give it a shot.\n\nyou said you've become so used to thinking about this everyday that you don't know what you'd be like without it. how are you with it? like-- do you feel a peace when you think of death?\n\nand if so-- is that because you'd be in a better place? or because you just wouldnt be here in this place.\n\nhonestly-- i just wanna say: i dont know why you feel this way. i'm sorry that you do. but you were meant for more than this. in everything I believe inside, you were made with a purpose by a good God who loved you. but there's also satan, whose main goal is just to steal from this good God the very thing He loves-- His creation.\n\nso to me-- the fact that you've struggled with this since you were so young means to me that you were made for something amazing. just because--why else would satan work so hard to take your life and very purpose away if he didn't feel like you'd be something great in life.\n\ni really am grateful you're still here. and that you've been so strong. and i'm sorry if i trivialized anything or offended you in any way.\n\nim not trying to say "oh. you feel this way? ok-- just means you'll grow more and be better off in the end" >> no not at all. \n\nim so sorry that THIS was the hand you were given. but i really do believe that your life is something to be celebrated. that you have a purpose. i believe that for all of us. \n\ni too struggled with something since i was so so young.and it really did become my identity. i struggled with it for about 15 years, until it was like one day-- God just gave me an answer i didnt even know i was looking for.\n\nfor some reason i asked myself that day-- 'why me? why have i struggled with this since i was... so SO young?' \n\nand i felt so strongly on the inside for the first time in my life God saying-- 'because-- satan knew your potential. and what you could be if you got it right'\n\nand it was actually in that moment that i was freed. i really was. it just-- angered me that the devil cost me 15 years of my life-- but i realized that day that the rest of my life was meant for something. that what the freakin devil meant for evil-- God can use for good.\n\nand so that's what He did in me. i teach kids now... and im pretty much trying to help them deal with what i had to. \n\nwhat im trying to say with all this rambling (sorry about that by the by)... is that your life. matters so much. please-- don't end it. and keep up the good fight. because you were meant for something more than what death has to offer.
469933
I think your questions count as preaching, but I can tell you that I am not interested in a relationship with Jesus or the Christian God.  I do feel complete.  I do not feel vulnerable and alone - my beliefs empower me and surrounds me with the protections I need to enjoy my life.  Even with an army on your side, anyone can feel scared from time to time - but I am very safe in my understanding of the Universe.\n\nThe things is, that even in a Christian God model philosophy the point is not to life your live for god - the point is to understand your own divinity and to understand that you and god are a team.  If god is an ocean, we are each and everyone of us a glass of god, with tremendous power and divine right - no matter what we call this being.  To spend time steeped in any church dogma only brings you closer to understanding the church, not god.  \n\nI am glad that Christianity has helped you and I rejoice that you are happy on your chosen path.  I regret that you feel you need to school others or that you feel you have the only answer to the mysteries of life.  There is no way to truly know the Unknowable and there are many paths to enlightenment.  Worry about your own soul until someone asks you for help if you truly want to display the virtue of christianity.\n\nPeace!
595155
I wish that I could tell you a wonderful answer where everything will be great, BUT I know how you feel, I was an abused child and married when I had just turned 17.  Well he started reminding me of my Mother before long.  I had no family, no one but his family as my friends, I had no place to go, so I stayed, It became very clear that he didn't love me, but I was so afraid.  But after 19 years I packed up and left, scared out of my mind, but you know what even though it was hard, lonely, I learned so much about myself, most of all I learned that life is to short to spend it with someone that makes you so sad, and doesn't treat you like a lover, friend or partner but more like something that they bought and paid for like an old car, then it is time to build a life that can be happier than you could ever imagine.  Even small things can make you smile or just laugh out loud especially when you have always been controled or felt like you were going to get in trouble for.  Like I would leave the bed unmade, didn't have to cook, and on Sat. morning I would lay in bed until 2 if that is what I wanted to do.  And I will tell you when you can go and come when you please and you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you too may find that life can be happy and full of good, instead of a life filled  with mostly bad and a little good every now and then.  Please take it from a woman that has been there no one can do this for you but you.  And somethings are so worth the risk.  And remember this, I had a friend one time tell me how stong I was, when I said no I am weak, she said look at what you have already been through, anything else should be a breeze.
108519
I feel your pain.  I hate to sound like everybody else, but suicide does not solve anything.  I am not a therapist, I am simply a guy that knows exactly what you are going through.  I have been dealing with a severe case of depression for a coupple of months now.  I also have had some pretty dark thoughts about how things would be if I was no longer around.  I know you said you don't want to see a theripist.  That is exactly the same way I used to feel.  I at one time felt very alone in this  world.  I thought the entire world was hell-bent of making my life harder than everybody elses.  I would see happy people out and about and it made me want to throw up!  All I wanted was to just have one day where I did not feel any pain, physically or mentally.  I was not wanting to be the richest most popular person in the world, I just wanted to be happy... I did not think that was too much to want out of life.  One day I found myself sitting in my car looking for a good place to put an end to my suffering.  For some strange reason, I just drove home.  The next day I woke up and made an appointment with a theripist to try to get some help.  I have been seeing her for a few months now, and I am feeling pretty good.  I also was perscribed Zoloft.  I used to be against just "masking" symptoms with Meds, but I really do have to say the Zoloft really does seem to smooth out the bumps of everyday life.  \nBack to you... I know you feel all alone in your depression, just know it effects many more people than you would think.  It really does help to talk about what you are feeling with someone you feel comfortable with.  You say you are not afraid of death... I used to say the same thing, I used to think I had already lived "enough" life.  That is untill My best friend from college died a few weeks ago.  We were both the same age, It hit me like a ton of bricks... I have not lived a full life yet.  There are so many things I have yet to experience... I realized I was not ready to end things.  Sure I still get "down" from time to time, but the therapy has taught me to work through things, and not to always put emphisis on the negitive of every situation.  It may sound like a line of pure crap... But Positive Thinking really does work!  You are in controll of your life... try to look for the light at the end of every tunnel.... I assure you, things can get better, but you need to be willing to let those changes happen.  \nI hope I helped you out.  If you ever want to chat to somebody that has been in the same situation you are in, you can always e-mail me jam961@yahoo.com  Sometimes it is easier to open up to a sympathetic ear.  I wish you the best of luck!  I really hope you start to feel better.  Just remember, you are never alone, you have all of us here on Yahoo Answers to talk to.
370383
If there is no God, then I have two things to consider: Either there is an afterlife, or there is not. If there is none, then there is no me to be sad. If there is, then I hope that I will have lived the life I wanted to.\n\nIn any event, I am striving to live a life that I will be proud of when I die. Whether there is or is not some God, Goddess or Deity, I hope that I can be proud of the life I have lived when it is time for me to travel to the summerland.