I am completly in love or lust or whatever you want to call it with this girl at work. I asked her to lunch when she first started, and she said she couldn't because of her job. I know that she has never left the building for lunch, but in truth prob wouldn't want to go to lunch with me anyway (I'm 5-7 and pretty ugly). Recently I found out she is seeing another guy at my company. A guy I have always gotten along with. Since the time I have found out, when it became somewhat public, neither one of them will talk to me. Should I act like nothings wrong? Be overly friendly to both, so as to remain popular or something? It's a very awkward situation, could someone help me?
130159
Oldest rule:Never mix business with pleasure.Get another girl.
184634
She may have been trying to impress you.  Making herself up nicer for you.  I would consider it a compliment.  Lunch would be a friend like thing to do and dinner in a business setting is more.  If you feel it may be more, talk a little more, go out, never know what will happen and if nothing does, at least you have someone that can get you free drinks :)
367167
I had two workplace romances a long time ago.  Neither of them caused a problem when we broke up.  How long have you worked with him?  Do you sense even a hint of a vindictive streak?  If so, keep away.  If not, tread carefully and take it slowly.
68418
Here's the problem - you are co-workers, so getting intimate with you may be an ethics violation.  He probably got a vibe that the other women were friendly without being too serious, so he was OK with this mock flirting.  However, if you displayed a serious, shy work-type demeanor, he probably didn't want to 'provoke' you by being too familiar.  you may not understand this, but every time a guy goes to be with a girl, there is a question in the back of his head that is saying, 'will I be sued?'  An honorable guy will not try to get too intimate with a co-worker, so if you want him to flirt with you, you will have to act like you will be his friend and not mind the intimacy that a co-worker should avoid.  In today's work environment, it's very easy for a guy to be victimized, so you will have to go all out to show him that you will be OK with a little display of affecdtion without taking him to court or getting him fired.
23206
Rock and a hard spot there aren't you? So you have a crush and a friendship and a co-worker all wrapped up into one.  How much have you actually learned about her? Other than what movies and food she likes?\nWhen you are having dinner is it general conversation that you could talk to your buddy about? Or does it go into what simular interest and goals you have? How sure are you of the hints she gives, or is she just a very caring individual who think of you like a brother who gets where she is coming from, enjoys doting on as the maintaing friendships side and meanwhile enjoys the attention you are giving her.  \n\nThe last thing you want to be to her is someone she needs to "save" from your own situations to make you comfortable, it sounds like you are a "fun non judgmental release" for her to ease her "very busy life" as you say. \n\nYou need to test it without being a set up? Resolve that SHE IS YOUR FRIEND and she wants you to be happy, so begin seeking out other people and give yourself room to breathe before you end up in a panic attack. Ask her advice about dating, and see what kind of responses you get, at least then you will know what her rules are for being on a date date or just being out with a friend.
3825
yeah, i do! and she is wonderful.. now it's a parttime job you don't like? absolutely...why not? but it will make work a little odd-and good... be careful ,if the relationship goes bad it can mean drama at work... no peace...
309803
Many people, including myself, believe that men and women are never "just friends" for a very long period of time.  So you probably have a chance with her, provided things don't work out with her current relationship.  Just right now, she is loyal to and only has eyes for him.\n\nThat said, I was the girl in a similar situation... I had been with my boyfriend for 6 months and a guy from work asked me out.  I told him I was already in a serious relationship.  It's not that he was unattractive (looks or personality), it was the situation.\n\nBut, as time went on, he did and said a bunch of stupid stuff which made me not want to consider him as a possible boyfriend EVER.  Example?\n\nHe didn't have a car or a license, but he was my neighbor (as well as coworker) so I'd sometimes give him a ride home.  Once he said, "Men should drive, women should cook."  So, not a dealbreaker for the friendship, but still not the kind of thing that brings a man and a woman closer together.  Similar stuff for about 2 years...\n\nWhen he found out I broke up with my boyfriend, he asked me out AGAIN, and now it wasn't the situation that made me say no, it was his personality.\n\nSo my advice to you is, be on your best behavior.  Don't do anything incredibly stupid (so maybe smoking around her isn't the best idea, as your best personality won't shine through).  Stick by her as a friend and try again if she breaks up with her current man.\n\nIf you just don't have the patience to wait it out, you WILL find another girl that suits you.  She may seem like THE ONE, but she's really just one of many.
276033
You should worry.  You are now an accessory.  Your coworker has just pulled you down with him.  He is not your friend.
455412
Touching your back/shoulders and stroking your neck? Making perverse comments? Sweetie, this is called sexual harrassment. As for why they act this way, basically, they're idiots. Don't write them off as just "goofy." There is no excuse for their behavior. One guy went on a date with you and then told everyone? Is he still in high school? They think it's fun to embarrass you. They way immature men like this think, it wouldn't surprise me if they have some sort of bet going as to who can get you to give up your choice to wait until marriage first. The first thing you need to do is not date any of them. That's just a good policy wherever you may work in your life. If it ends badly, you still have to see that person every day and it can cause a lot of problems. Second, when they say inappropriate things to you or touch you or make you feel uncomfortable in any way, you need to tell them they're behaving inappropriately and ask them to please stop. If they don't, or they just think that's part of the game, you need to go to your supervisor and ask him/her to intervene. Just know that if the boss does intervene, this may make for a hostile work environment because then you'll be the girl who "can't take a joke." Sad, but it happens. Conversely, the boss may think you're overreacting and not do anything. At this point, you'll have to make a decision: file a complaint with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) and let them handle it, again possibly making for a hostile work environment; quit and find another job with mature, professional coworkers; do both. Unfortunately, there is no easy solution to this. If it were just one or two guys behaving this way, it might be easier because they'd be the minority. But if all the guys you work with do it, they'll be more apt to stick together and form a united front against you, saying that you're exaggerating or even making stuff up to get them into trouble. If there are any other women who work there, talk to them and see if they're having similar experiences. If so, it will corroborate your claims and give you more credence. I'm sorry to sound so cynical and/or pessimistic, but this is an all too common situation for many women in the workplace. We've all read and heard about things like this. There's even a movie based on a true story about the first lawsuit against a company for condoning sexual harassment called "North Country" with Charlize Theron. It's a disturbing, sad movie, but it shows what some women have had to go through just to earn a living. Finally, don't let yourself be intimidated. Stick to your values, know that you don't deserve to be treated this way and you don't have to put up with it. No one has the right to put their hands on you without your permission. Be strong and stick up for yourself, and someday, if you have children, you can pass that strength on to your daughter or teach your son to have the proper respect for women. I wish you the best of luck.
42402
Maybe a little strong, but it seems like you did not scare her away.  Do you see her other than when she is working?  That would probably be the best time to approach her again.\n\nIf you have to approach her at work, try to find a time when the restraunt is not busy.  Also I would recommend something low-key as a get-to-know you rather than a date.  Also try to give her an easy out.  Something like stopping by one afternoon and asking if she would like to get coffee or something like that after work.
444060
Unless you are very, very, very attracted to each other, it is not a good idea.  What are you going to do if the relationship falls apart?  Will one of you be passing on nasty stories about the other to co-workers and bosses?  You have to consider the possible fallout from a relationship gone sour.
86697
I have alot of experience with this and I have learned one important thing....there are one of these people at every single job/workplace.  If you are not his supervisor, do nothing.  It seems the boss likes him so your best bet is to go to work, do your thing, keep to yourself, then go home.
396043
Just really good HR. But find a way to ak if she is busy for lunch and find something important you have to talk to her about. See how that goes.
434284
If your new wait a while to see if she acts that way towards u again... if she does put her in her place especially if she just your co-worker and not your supervisor!!!! don't cry to management yet they may see this as a sign of weakness and let you go!!!
328609
So friend, it definately sounds like there is some flirting happening.  you should, in a calm manner address your Gf regarding the issue tell her the ruth that it makes you feel uncomfortable and that you would like to do something about it, but the best thing would be is that if she felt strong enough towards you she wouldn't want you to be unhappy and would reduce her time together with dude, especially since school is out.  As colleagues, I can understand that they may have gotten to know each other pretty well and may have a strong mental connection. but there are certain places you just don't go...if my fiancee (we're 29 and 32) knew that a boy at school liked me and flirted sometimes, he would be pretty hurt and I would minimize the chance of that happening by not putting myself in a position that would have me being responsive to the flirting gestures of another and dilating pupils (other signs of flirting that are difficult to prevent), I would just not be around that person to avoid that type of interaction.  \n\nHopefully if you talk with her, she will reassess the motions and actions that she is making and that are happening between them and understand that they are not appropriate.\n\nGood luck, you need to ultimately do what is best for yourself in the long run..whatever course that means you should take.\n\n\noh and the quote: better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...is in no way from a "show"..it is Saint Augustine (November 13, 354–August 28, 430)...well before they had T.V.
362717
you should tell them you don't appreciate them disrespecting you and especially in front of people if you keep letting them do it there not going to stop. until you let them know how you feel .your just being too nice and that's OK but you have feelings too . tell them to treat you like they want to be treated ,they shouldn't threaten your job either that's not very professional .she could lose her job also  and start taking your lunch i would just do my job and go home you dont need friends like them .
152075
REALIZE WHAT YOUR RISKING HERE, WORK RELATIONSHIPS CAN AND WILL BE REALLY HARD TO KEEP.(PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, IM ACTUALLY GOING TROUGH IT RIGHT NOW, AND OH MAN, THE DRAMA!!). THE HUNGRY DON'T GET FED, THE MORE YOU WANT IT THE MORE SHE'S GONNA PLAY IT OFF. SO STOP ACTING LIKE IF YOU NEED HER!!!!! THAT'S RIGHT STOP BEING NEEDDY!!!!! AND STOP FEELING NEEDY, WOMEN CAN SENSE THIS, ASK THEM!!!. ONCE, YOU REALIZE THAT YOU DON'T NEED HER FOR THIS WEEKEND AND THAT YOU CAN DO WITHOUT HER, THAN YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU WANT..... DONT ASK BEING NEEDY, ASK WITH CONFIDENCE, PLAY IT OFF... IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE THIS...... " SO JANNETT WERE ARE YOU GONNA TAKE ME THIS WEEEKNEND..."OR MORE DIRECT "HEY, I PLAN TO GO TO.... MAYBE YOU CAN COME ALONG...."  THE POINT IS THIS, YOU SHOULD BE IN CONTROL OF THIS... BUT FIRST GET CONTROL OF YOURSELF... GOOD LUCK... BTW, BEEN THERE DONE THAT...