12 1/2 years we've known each other:\nTogether off-and-on for about 1/3.\nAnother 1/3 reminiscing about time together, talking about how much we missed each other and the things we did together, getting back together for short periods of time, but ended up apart again.\nThat's where we spent the final 1/3 - no communication at all.\n\nI asked her to marry me once about 9 years ago, but it was absolutely the wrong time to do so. I knew it, but felt it my last resort to prevent her from slipping away for a 2nd time.\n\nI'm analytical by nature, so believe me, I've gone over this situation in my head (and on paper) a million times. No matter what answers or paths of action I come up with, within my core, I still love her and want to be with her.\n\nThis wedding should be like a giant neon sign shining bright in the middle of the night sky, but it's not. Why? Well, because we were together as recently as X-mas, and not in just a one-night stand capacity.\n\nYes I have to let go, but I don't know how.
131181
Wow! That's a toughie my friend! Sounds like your ex doesn't know what she wants, and so, neither do you, hence all this confusion. But, that said, she has made her decision, for better or worse - she doesn't want to be with you. So, two choices here, I think. You leave her alone to make her life without you. Or, you become a thorn in her flesh by not accepting that she doesn't want you, and for damn sure, you will lose her friendship that way too. But, I think she is not much of a friend to you anyhow. You thought she would take you to heaven, but she's put you in hell. People like her like to play games with other people's emotions because, as she clearly demonstrates, she is not in control of her own. Can't offer any more help that that, except to assume the guy she is marrying has more money than you.
568821
I met my fiance 3 months ago the nite before i moved out of my husbands house to another state.  I continued my moved.  He visited me the next week.  We talked on the phone.  He moved me back 1 month later.  We are so in love and are planning our wedding in Aruba.  All things are possible.
193747
Madly and passionnately and still am! We were together for 6 years before getting married and went through all kinds of Hell...We made it and are all the stronger for it...\n\nThanks...\nYou've just reminded me of how much I love him... :D I think I'm going to go wake him up "nicely" just to show him just how much... LOL As a matter of fact I'm sure he'll want to thank you too from the bottom of his...um....heart. :D\n\n(LOL Seriously, Thanks.)
248803
just one word of advice! You sound young, i got married at 19, and am about to get divorced (i'm 20) we rushed into things wayyyyy too fast. We barely knew each other well enough to move in together and be married. Take things slow! Stay engaged awhile!
233504
hell first i am a guy.....i am a newlywed of 1 year...when my wife had told me she wanted marriage it was great news to me..i acted like i knew nothing of it..meaning i knew she wanted marriage..we talked about it..this was so exiting for me..if you know for sure he is wanting to marry you...then wait..don't approach him again..why? well alot of guys are the same i knew she wanted marriage so i thought about the perfect way to ask her..i thought about all the good things that i wanted as well..i think to sum this up...he wants to think of the perfect wedding..he wants this to be the most beautiful day for the both of you..he will come around give it time...please take this advise from a man who has went through the same exact thing
196477
If you are postponing proposing I'd say you aren't yet ready to take the step of getting married. It takes a lot of courage to admit that. It doesn't mean you don't love her. I imagine you do love her. You just aren't ready to take the step of getting engaged. If she's truly ready and you are not, then you need to talk about it. You may have to set her free if you don't think you'll be ready for a long, long time. You both need to be honest with each other about what you want out of this relationship and act accordingly.\n\nAlso, talk to God. Pour your heart out to Him. Ask Him if marriage with this woman is what He wants you to do with your life. Listen with all your heart and soul for His loving guidance. God Bless.
144643
Dude, a year is a decent time to get to know your future wife - (you know that new car smell, that's what it is now) \nthe worst mistake lot of couples make is not cohabiting - that's when you find out for certain if you can exist and live peacefully under one roof.\n\nTake your time do not let anyone rush you into setting the date - have certain priorities and work things out with your woman on serious issues - like housing, investing, having children - marriage is like getting into a business (the love is never eternal) you want to keep your store open for a long time without filing for bankruptcy - plan.\n\nWhen the new car smell dies - decide whether to trade or you gonna maintain it.
73840
It sounds like it could be love to me...\nIn my experience love is always enduring.  There's been girls I've felt incredible about and had a great time with, but it wears off anywhere between 6 weeks and 6 months.  Of course everyone is different, and I don't know how long you've been dating, but if you still feel this way after 10 or 12 months I'd say it's most likely love.  You'll be able to look past all of her weird little issues and accept them and love her anyway, and you won't be able to imagine life without her.\nIf you've been dating her less than 4-5 months, then it's still possible that this feeling could wear-off.  I know I wouldn't feel right planning on marriage before having known her at least 1 year.  A lot can develop/change in the first year, for better or for worse.  Good Luck!
283010
Give him the space.\n\nTell him that you'll both go your separate ways for a year, then meet up after that year and see how things are.\n\nIf he still says he needs space, then tell him OK, this time for 6 months.\n\nIf after this, he still isn't sure, then it wasn't ment to be.\n\nIt will be hard for the first few months, but it is well worth it as you will both grow because of the experience.\n\nGo see the world in this time, do YOUR thing and don't worry about him.  Get out and enjoy life.\n\nIt will do you both good.  And you never know, could both end up getting married to each other because of the break. :)
421767
At a bar. We would go to the same club regularly and he was friends with a friend of a friend. We would hang out the bar almsot every weekend for about 6 months. It wasn't planned though. We just liked the same scene. He was dating other girls at the time, but had his eye on me and I was interested in something strictly casual, but never tried with him because he was cool and I thought we'd be 'just friends'. \n\nWell, one night he called me because he broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to come over and eat mushrooms. I had nothing else to do and thought he was cool, so I let him come over and we had a good time. Nothing happened that night, but about a week later I got extrodinarly wasted and we hooked up. It started out as a casual thing scratch that as a very casual thing and I had little intentions of it being serious, but we ended up falling in love and I settled down a little bit. \n\nThis was after he moved in because his 'rents kicked him out of their place and he was staying in his car. We were already sleeping together, so I said he could stay at my place for a few days and that few days turned to months and that casual time with a guy who was actually worthy of my friendship unlike my other casual boys turned into a serious relationship. We've been together for almost two years and plan on getting married in 2008. \n\nWhat makes us stay together? Well, our geniune love for eachother and partially our own narcissisms. We love ourselves and I'm his female counterpart and he's the male version of myself. Our similar interests and goals and problem solving techniques help as well as compatible senses of humour.\n\nThe story I tell my parents and family? We met through friends of friends at church.
277482
I think it is time to Chirp or get off the branch.  My wife and I had been dating for a while, I really loved her but did not ask her to get married.  She finally gave me a date by which to chirp or to get off the branch.  I chirped and it has been the best thing I ever did.  We have been married for many years and are more in love today then ever.  I would openly discuss your concerns with him and then let him know that you need commitment by say June 30.  If he doesn't make the commitment, move on to someone that truly loves you and someone that will make that commitment.  Too often, we stick with someone that we know is not right for us and then the years go by.  After it is too late, we realize that life is passing us by and we are in a relationship that is going nowhere.  I think people need to list the things that they want in a relationship/mate and then if after a few months they do stack up, they need to move on.  People really don't change much with time--if it doesnt feel right at first it probably wont get any better with time.   Good Luck!
355174
Here's our story...tell me what you think.\n\nWe originally met in 9th Grade, he was the new boy in school.  We became fast friends and soon became more than that.  We were inseperable, many crazy adventures and all that fun young love stuff.  We broke up just before the school year ended because of our friends...you know the only people you listen to when you are 15 years old.\n\nWe stayed friends over the years, going for coffe every month or so to catch up.  I had the travel bug so after high school I moved around a bit, when I was gone he met someone else and married her.  On one of my stops home I found out he had married this girl (who I knew & knew she was not a good person), I told him my concerns & in my heart I knew that if he said me wanted he back I'd go.  He didn't so I was off on my journeys again.\n\nWell when I was 31 I moved back to my home town.  As luck would have it we met up one night, he was still married to the girl but he had been living in his basement for the last 6 years and had little or nothing to do with his wife.  He was miserable. \n\nWe spent that night catching up, when it was time to go home he grabbed my hand and said he let me go once & he was never going to do that again.  He moved out the next day and we are now married and have a beautiful 3 year old little boy.  \n\nSo no, I don't worry about him leaving me for someone else.  I think it all depends on the situation, and the rest of the story.  People look for love outside of their relationships because there is usually something wrong within their current relationship.  Others are just really shallow and want a "trophy wife"...those relationships never work out.
408170
Oh, man.  Has this not happened to anyone???  Mine was so bad I announced a vow of celebacy to one and all and eradicated the words 'date', 'love', 'marriage', and several others from my vocabulary and spent two or so years studying every religious text and book on philosophy ever written and getting black belts in several martial arts.\n\nThen one day I met somebody who'd been just as verbal about relationships and became good friends.  And whammo!  There it  was - like a 2x4 right between the eyes, simultaneously after a few months.  We then spent 24 hours completely denying it and going on about not ruining our friendship.  After 24 hours, we were going, "Um, weren't we NOT going to do this?"  Eight and a half years later, and we're still together and greatly bemused by it all.\n\nSince then I've met quite a few people who'd given up on love, and a similar thing happened.  It's almost like screaming up at the Gods of Irony, "YUP, never gonna date again, ever, EVER!!!\n\nI think you really have to mean it though.  So, focus on some other goal in life, make a point of making sure you're friends with somebody first before dating them, because I've since discovered that every lasting relationship I know of started off with a firm foundation of friendship, and one day when you least expect it or even want it, you'll get the 2x4 to the head.
447393
I know it's hard, believe me! It's not something you get over in one night, or one year. It takes alot of time and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give yourself that time? Is the marriage good now? Is it worth working on? Your wife needs to work on rebuilding your trust. Is she willing to do whatever it takes to help you along with this? It really seems to me that she is, because 20yrs is a long time that you both have invested in. I know you are in pain right now, your wife has been in pain for the last 10yrs thinking about what she did and has lived with knowing that one day you would find out and maybe end the life she really wants. And that is to be wife and a mother to YOUR kids. I am not making excuses for her because what she did was wrong! I know you need validation right now and you have every right to feel that way. You (I am sure) are a great dad. So for right now, focus on that. Time will heal...I promise!
370697
I have been married for near 7 years but have been with my man for 12 years, we got together at 21 years old.\n\nWe have had our ups and downs but our love for one another has grown stronger than ever. \n\nThe main part of marriage and any relationship really, is communication. Don't bottle things up, sit down and talk it out, that way the 'problem' is out there and both can work together on how to solve it.\n\nIn all the years we have been together, we have never in an argument said anything we would regret later on. We have never called each other a name or anything like that.\n\nWords can hurt and people can remember what has been said through arguments, and bring that up in another argument. \n\nMarriage takes alot of work and it can work if both parties are commited to the marriage and each other.
78669
You should ask her to descibe who the old you was, if it fits who you was then try going back to be that person. It seems like you got a bit shaky since you engage to her. Seems to me that you are worrying about the step you are about to take. Go back to being yourself, and remember do not change when you get married.
206747
I managed to keep a ralationship alive between Australia and uk via email, letters and phone calls, (\nOver the space of 3 months i spent the equivalent of $2000 US dollars on phone calls) .....I won't lie, it is Bl**dy hard work, bot worth it. I've now been very very happily married to that person for 2 years.\n\nYou have to be honest and open in any conversation, and you have to tell each other EVERYTHING!!!!! ( and I mean everything, bad things too!)\n\nIf it's right you'll know within weeks of being apart. If he's worth fighting and suffering for, give it everything.  \n\nI guess if you are just leaving school you are still in your teens, i'm in my mid 30's, there's a huge world out there to discover, live for now, enjoy yourself and follow your heart!\n\nGood Luck