for awhile now things has been more difficult. we argue alot. mostly about him not doing anything all day but sit on his computer or about me bitching about him doing nothing all day.  he says hell do more when i stop bitchin but its hard when i come home from work to see him just sittin there and the house is a disaster.  even when i try not to say anything my actions speak for themselves.  we power struggle too.  there has been a big distant feeling from him.he says he loves me and i believe that he does but with how things have been i worry that he might see something else (another woman) and stray. he says that i dont trust him. i do. its just that typically when a relationship starts to go downhill....any advice?
136665
If you don't trust him, you need to ask yourself if you should be in this relationship.  My husband has lazy moments too but it would never cross my mind for a second that he'd cheat on me.
195798
Has he always been this way or has it just been recently?  Has anything happened between the two of you, as far as cheating, that would make him feel like he had to be so inquisitive?\n\nI just don't see how you can be together without trust; that is the number one thing in a relationship.  This situation will not get better if you just ignore it.  Do you really want to have to worry the rest of your life about what he is going to say when you come home an hour late or if some other male calls you, no matter who it is!  \n\nIf it were me, I would get it out in the open with him and really discuss how you are feeling.  Maybe even suggest you two going to a counselor.  You should be able to tell from his responses if he is willing to work on things and change to better your relationship.\n\nGood luck!
182179
if you want your marriage to work you are going tohave to draw a line under it. i know its easier said than done. try and think of the good things in the relationship whenever you feel yourself distrusting him, thats what i did.
262481
My husband leaves me at home 7 days a week. He is a work alcoholic. He says he is not, but I disagree totally. The only time he will take a day off is when I finally blow up. But you can tell he wants to be at work. He LIVES for work only. He works nights which means he sleeps most the day and evening, gets up, eats and leaves for work again. It's not necessary for him to work all these hours, he chooses too. It's destroying our marriage. I tried to tell him, but he just doesn't see it. I too was brought to another city, no car, no job, no friends. And now, not even him. I give up. He just doesn't see that spending quality time together is important. I've talked until I can't talk anymore. Right now, I don't even care if I see him anymore. He has made me bitter. So, I would say, spend some quality time with the love of your life.
117846
I warn my husband about this all the time.  I feel me and him don't have a deep mutual understanding of each other.  You know how with some people you have that love and understnading and emotional connection and with others you don't.  he and I don't have that - thought we did but we rushed into the marriage.  I keep telling him that if he continues to be that way - he complains and argues about everything that I am interested in and criticizes me for the way I do things ..doesn't understand the real me. We just doesn't have that real true love "connection" as your wife calls it and "emotional" understanding for one another ... he has no idea what i mean when i explain this to him; I tell him he's gonna be the guy that 10 years down the road the wife will say "i want a divorce" and the entire time he would never see it coming and would wonder "where did I go wrong - i thought everything was fine" ... but you know what .. I commend you for reading books and seeing a counselor.  I try to read books about this stuff to my husband and he gets mad and defensive or he'll just ignore what I'm reading to him.  If she doesn't give you that chance to work it out then she is just fed up and there is no hope.  Give her a little more time - although she probably feels less hurt becasue she knows you are still wanting to be with her so she's not scared about this time apart.  If you were to act like her and accept it - then it would scare her.  When I threaten to leave sometimes and he is beggin for me not to, I feel the urge to leave even more because I know I have the upper hand and he's wrong.  But .. if he would act like he wouldn't care for ex: one time he said "fine I'll pack your bags for you" I felt really vulnerable and hurt but it scared me ... and we ended up making up instead of me leaving.   Take everyones advice - just take it day by day - you'll be fine and she'll come around - if its over just let it go .. use what you have learned to help you out later.  Just note that women need emotional attention and understanding- we are weird like that.
249097
It sounds to me that his picking fights about nonsense is because he feels insecure about himself or even about the relationship between both of you. What is/are the reason(s) for him to say that you're cheating? Is it because you're seeing/calling him less? Did you hold on something not telling him when he asked you? He may be suspicious of your response to him. If you cannot really tell him something but it doesn't relate anything to your relationship, try to reassure your love and feelings towards him. Let him know you're always loyal to him and standing by him. \n\nHe always threatens to leave but he never does--It shows to me that he is upset about something (or feeling dissatisfied about something in the relationship) but he still cares about & loves you because he always only says so without the actual action. Again, it may due to his insecure feelings about your love/concern for him. He may not feel the same care/concern as he does to you. He may feel you don't love/care for him as much as before. He is worrying about your changes if there is any. So try to figure out if there is anything bothering him or making him feel dissatisfied.\n\nRight now I'll give him the benefit of doubt about his seeing someone. I'd rather think the major problem/issue is that he is feeling insecure about himself & the relationship. So my suggetion is: Try to compliment him more and let him know you really love & adore him and why.\nIf both of you have common friends, praise him in front of his/your friends to let him feel special, respected and loved. \n\nHope it helps.
136242
First, let go of the fear and trust him.  He will pick up on it and begin to think that you do not trust him.\n   The most important part to any relationship is communication.  It is extremely important for both of you to feel you can go to your partner with any problem, issue or desire, and have an open mind listen to you.  Many relationship fail because there is a lack of communication between partners.  They do not express if they are feeling lonely, unloved, sexually unsatisfied, etc.  If you can communicate these things with each other, talk out and compromise your differences and needs, then that is a huge step to keeping your relationship alive and healthy.\n   Always remember to keep your individualism, while at the same time knowing that you can depend on your partner to be there when you need them.  Don't be afraid though to rely on your partner to help you if you need it.\n   Enjoy each other each and every day as if it might be your last, because in this fragile thing we call life, it could be.  Love each other every day as much as you can.  \n   Most importantly, trust him and your love.  If he truly loves you he will not do anything like that to you.\n\nPeace, luck and love
94835
You need to back up and QUICKLY. You have sevral issues going on here and NONE are good. If you are doing these things as you say than you don't trust him. This is bad. And you have actually written to a lady, this was/is also wrong. I would start by sitting down with him and explaining to him that you want to be closer to him and how much you really care for him. But you still gotta back up like I said and the quicker the better. You may need to talk to someone about your mistrust issues. Has he given you reason to believe he is screwing around. Until he does back off. And if he is screwing around, then DUMP him.
235438
I hate to say it, but I honestly feel that your relationship may be doomed for a number of reasons. First, you began by saying you have trust issues with your husband because of past issues. Of course! But, it's in the past, and you haven't let it go. I imagine you may even still throw this in his face during a heated arguement? Second, I'm not suggesting you're right or wrong by checking his cell phone, but instead of trying to catch him doing something, which only drives the wedge further between the two of you, you could have approached things in a different manner. Yes, he was wrong... But so were you for checking! I understand your suspicions, though I think there may have been a better way to approach the situation. Talk with him, build better communication with him. I'm not suggesting throw caution to the wind, forget about everything in the past, but something between the two of you needs to change or you'll continue to keep getting the same results!\n\nI sense some insecurities on your part, and whether they're called for or not is irrelevant. Bottom line is that they need to be dealt with. There's something deeper than all the information you've offered. Take a step back and evaluate your relationship together. Is your husband a good catch? Are you a good catch? Why or why not, for BOTH of you? Maybe it would be a good excercise for the two of you to make lists (the whys and why nots), of yourselves, and each other, and share this information openly with each other in a non-threatening conversation.\n\nI'm sharing this with you in a point blank manner, because there were trust issues in my own failed marriage. Sometimes I wish I had only listened to my own advice! It's too late for me now, but hopefully you'll take something from my suggestions here and dig deeper into your own relationship.
30327
He's probably just really tired. Not that I can quite compare with my boyfriend to a husband, but I kinda, well, "bullied" him into it (ok maybe bullied isn't the right word... persuaded?) after awhile things started to go downhill. It caused a tear in our relationship, a big tear. (which is now fixed...) My suggestion would be to maybe go to an adult store for some purchases to relieve the itch. And maybe set up for a romantic night with your husband with warming aromatic oils to give him a body massage, make him a nice dinner beforehand, fix his favorite meal, romance him up and maybe he'll open up a little more. Also consider sitting down to a chat later on. Good luck and I hope all goes well for you!
382209
How long have you been together, and living together?  Did this just start, or has it been an ongoing problem?  I would ask him what's going on and suggest counseling if it's bad enough to start affecting your everyday lives!  Good luck!
177062
I knowm it is hard, but give him some space for right now.  He is very mad and once he calms down - hopefully he will come to terms after thinking about it.  don't pressure him in to seeing you, it might make things worse.  Good Luck!!
579867
Do you think he is sincere and really apologetic? If so, then yes; you should forgive him and go on with your lives. I think it was messed up that he would think about cheating on you, just simply because you had a miscarage and lost a job! That was the time he was needed and you were needed to be there for each other! Talk to him and be very open. Explain how you feel and see what he says. From there, you'll know if he's sincere and ready to start over. When you do start over, don't bring up the past and bring up all the negativity when you argue in the future because that's only gonna cause problems and more conflicts! Good luck and try to get some counseling for the both of yall. It helps usually.
191447
If you love him find a way to work this out  get counciling if necessary but stop the fighting.  Life is so very short and you have a lot less time to be together than you might think.  \n\nMy husband died 4 months ago and I regret ever moment spent angry and argueing I would give anything, do anything to be able to have an arguement with him.  If you love forget the rest and hold on to each other while you still have the chance.  You will not care one bit if you bowed down to him alive once that man dies and leaves you a brokenhearted widow.
538940
Appreciate that he is returning your calls and has let you know that they're HIS issues, not yours.\n\nYou've only been hanging out a month.  Depending on what he has going on, that's really not enough time to develop trust.  It happens over time, and this relationship is in it's beginning stages.  It may not be an exclusive relationship, though it sounds like it's heading that way.\n\nDon't put any more pressure on him.  He knows you're there, he knows you're concerned.  That's enough.  If you continue to call him, then you need to ask yourself "Am I really concerned about him, or am I feeling insecure because I'm not part of what's going on?"  He's having some challenges right now, and I think he's handling this appropriately.  If you're really concerned about him, then keep it about him.  Be available to him if / when he needs you.  \n\nWhat's going on with him has nothing to do with you.  Keep this situation in its proper perspective; otherwise, you will lose him before you've gotten things off the ground.
27936
well, i he loves you then make him work for you. you are obviously a good wife cause you still stay by his side, but that only means you deserve the best. tell him how you feel. if all gets worse then you should think about talking to God. He cares for you and your child. if you ever need more advice feel free to email me. i hope all turns out well.
287668
No, it certainly isn't enough to keep a relationship going. You have to have lots of patience and be able to communicate. Communicating certainly is tough right now and that's where the patience comes in. (Patience is also absolutely necessary when it comes to stubborn people as well!) Plus everything going on around us is bringing a lot of confusing feelings into play right now. That's not helping the situation and deployment just complicates matters. You guys are the only ones who will know if you can get through these tough times, but he mostly needs your support right now. He's physically in a world far far away from the life he's used to... and mentally, who knows where?