I offered to help this mother with her children.  For easter I did their hair and made their easter baskets and let them spend the night with me.  Now their mother comes to my house everyday, and shes asking to borrow money!!!!! I feel that ive done my part so why is she coming by EVERYDAY!!!   i dont have money to give.  my sister says shes taking advantage of my christanity and my being nice, what to you guys think.
132785
Unfortunately, some people are like stray cats, you put food out for them once and they start coming to your door everyday at dinner time.  Tell her that you will help her by putting her in touch with an organization that help her find a job and childcare and get her any other help she needs.  Usually the Department of FAmily and Children will do this or another FAmily Service ASsociation.  There are also churches out there that will assist.  Once she realized you are wanting to help better her situation for good instead of giving her the easy hand out that is a temporary fix she will either make her situation better and not need to borrow or she will leave you alone because she realizes you are not down for the quick fix.
463209
That is a good question! I have had it happen to me all my life and have never understood it. My Mother-in-law for instance treats my wife like a step child and her other two daughters like true daughters (kind of reminds me of Cinderella). What scares me most is that I might be doing it to my kids as well - I really try not to be that way and they have never said anything to make me think I have any favorites - but, it still concerns me. The thing is that these people (when you bring it to their attention) do not see that they are acting this way. One of my biggest hang ups is Christmas - buying gifts for people that I could care less about. Well, guess what? This year, we are not spending on these people - not even a token gift. I am in the dog house for it, but I am going to concentrate on my kids and grandkids who I love and cherish - I am going to let the others celebrate without me this year! It makes me feel free, and my wife is warming to the idea, but she is having withdrawal symptoms. I say no more of the fake behavior to impress these duds.
157131
I wish i could say them same, but i honestly had a horrible Easter this year. \n\nMy husband had to work all morning, so we couldnt go to the Easter church service. This is also my son's first Easter (he is 6 months old.) Since he is too young to do anything, we didnt really have plans for him.\n\nMy husband got home from work 2 hours late, because they were so busy. The minute he came home form work, i made dinner, but he fell asleep on the couch. He wouoldnt even wake up to eat dinner. \n\nAll of our familes live out of state, so i couldnt enjoy it with them. So, this year, for Easter, i ate dinner by myself while my husband took a nap on the couch. Horrible horrible day for me :(
42941
It is a very upsetting topic even more so for me I just had a baby and to look at all the things that could happen to her while shes so little is a scary feeling but you have to look at it like this....if its gods will she can go at anytime no amount of medicine or making sure shes sleeping on her back or anything else can really change that .....but as a mother your going to go that extra mile and make sure that you do anything in your power to keep her safe anyway. We tend to not worry about anything unless it hits home insted of thinking of it in terms as we are all family and should help one another out..but people want what they want...spend there money how they want(and to be honest they should its theirs) but to show a little Compassion to someone else should be a bigger reward then that new DVD player or those $200.00 doller shoes but your only one person and your not going to change everyones mind so the best you can do it what you can do and teach your kids to do they same a little help is better then none at all......Is it fair...no...but then again life is not always fair to any of us...there rich people now who have money coming out their ass but still we see them commit suscide and kill others...who was there to help that indvisual? People should take care of people no matter who they are!
306047
First, I call her when I wake up in the a.m. & tell her Happy Mother's Day & ask how she feeling, if she needs anything, what she wants to do, and I tell her THANK YOU for everything she's done for me & her grandkids & great-grandchildren. My brothers & myself go over to her house, which is like 5 mins. away and cook her brunch and stay all day with her and then my brothers grill porterhouse steaks, hamburgers & hotdogs. Then the rest of the family come over when they get it together and bring side-dishes and my sister-in-law makes the best cheesecake for all of us to eat. We call my sister, who lives in Bee Branch,Ark. and Mom talks to her 1st, of course, then depending on the weather we take her on a boat-ride and walk around Lieb's Island, Millersport,OH.(which means Love). She doesn't want any gifts/cards, just help around her house because she wants all of us to save money. My 5 Kids & 4 grandkids all ahow up to my Mom's and my Brother's 3 kids come over too, unless someone is sick or whatever, but they usually call. I tell my Kids the same thing my Mom tells us-Save your Money and I do need help at my house, but their all spoiled and it's really hard to get them to do anything for my Mom & myself. My grandkids make me a card with crayons or on the computer which means more to me than a present and when my kids were younger they use to do the same thing and in school, they would make me something very special and to this day, I keep everything they made for me and I always Pray for my whole family & that's how I celebrate myself on Mother's Day.
273466
Your mother is from the old school. Don't fault her for that! Would you rather she be with someone is abusive, penniless, unemployed or a crackhead? Would you feel better then? If these men do not like financially contributing to your mother, then they can decide against it. I think that you and your mother can agree to disagree. You feel as if there should be a split and your mother thinks the man should pay all the way. I wish you and Mom all the best!
220288
As a believer in the Jesus, then you know that he loves those who help themselves.  You must also understand that what your friends have most likely is not what you need now in your life.  God knows what ye have need of and he will supply it.\n\nWhen I was young and my husband and I only had each other, we felt much the same way as you did.  We didnt have anything he was going to school, and money was not something we had any off.  So, one day we decided to change our thought.  To start doing that which was fun for us.  We managed to find those little things that helped us through the hard times, listening to music together, getting to know our neighbors more, and when our son came along, we dicide that it was just our little family and it would be the best family we could ever imagine.  \n\nJoy comes in small steps, but the first and formost step is always....Graditude for that which you have.\n\nWe also stopped all debt.  We cancelled all credit cards and went on a cash bases.  It was darn hard, but because we knew what our values where, and that we would not let the events determine our happiness or success we mangaed through it, reminding ourselves very often how much we had, and the baby certainly brought in a new perspective.  \n\nGet closer to each other, get close with those friends you like.  And rejoice for a new life is about to come into the world and Christ will be present at all your sides.
189920
Sometimes with families you have the 'sponge' one that always relies on others to support them etc.  I didn't say that to be mean just pointing out an observation. I think your mother is looking out for you, she doesn't want you to have to give up what you have worked hard for to support somebodies elses decision she may consider wrong.  I don't know the history of your family, is this your aunts 5 baby or first?  Does she act responsible and is just caught in a bad situation at the time?  IF you give your aunt everything where are you going to be-what if tomorrow you find out you have a family after you have given your money away?  IS THE MONEY GOING TO HELP THE SITUATION OR PROLONG A PROBLEM???  if you give money how is it going to affect your relationship with your mother?\n\nBest of luck in your decision
215856
No, you are not too sensitive about this. I believe that everyone needs help sometimes, whether they are fortunate enough to get it from their families, or from the state. The key is: being able to pull yourself out of a bad financial situation and give back what you have recieved ( maybe not in a literal sence, but, you know??) Maybe it would be a good idea to start denying these people help. I am sick of seeing and hearing about welfare parents, I could die. I mean, some of these people drive NICE vehicles, are draped in expensive jewelry, wear very nice clothes, and pay for thier food with an EBT card. Sickening. I would like to see them get off their lazy a*s, wake up at 5:00am, and go to fu**in work like the rest of us. I'm with ya on this one- totally.
137714
Sunflower- hon don't feel bad about that! You need him to come home- your kids need him to come home! I think it is a shame the Govt. doesn't pay for it! God wants them to help you! It is ok sweetie! If I had money I would send it to you too! I know how much you all miss him- he misses ya'll! I thank God for people helping you! I hope he comes home soon- tell him I said Thank-you for all he does for us! I appreciate HIM! Bye, have a lovely day! cloeen
636585
I would knock the hell outta my mans baby mama...she is always trying to hurt him with his son and fails to take proper care of the child---ohh and did I mention how she uses the money to pay cell phone bills?...watch out b*tch because we know what you been doing and soon he will be living with us!!!
84091
i think it is something around you can afford and her monthly allowance. now, if she is realy close to you and she seems to like to buy something pricey and you feel generous, you might consider this. but if you feel you are giving her quite an amount, you can also consult your sibling (her parents) about the amount.
79332
I can't answer for others, but I can speak for myself.  I have more money than the rest of my family and I have worked very hard for what I have.  Members of my family are always coming to me for money.  I am tired of it.  I have a sister and a other family members that do not work and look at me like a bank.  I do not mind giving a hand up, but I am sick of giving hand outs.  I now refuse to help those that refuse to help themselves.  However, that doesn't mean I don't help others.  Two weeks ago I paid for an eye exam and a pair of glasses for a woman I didn't know.  I met her in the doctors office and she was crying, they wouldn't accept medicaid as payment.  I talked to her and heard her story.  I then told the lady I would pay her bill and I did.  It cost a few hundred dollars, but I felt it was the right thing to do.
215449
I wouldn't want to get involved either.  If they live beyond their means, then any money they lend you will be spent the same way.  Any help you offer should not be monetary, but maybe a helping hand some other way.  Don't let your husband be manipulated into helping them when it when nothing will be resolved.
404796
You should allow her to use the clothing as she needs. After all the generosity you have extended should not have a limitation. In this case it should be all or nothing. If someone gave you a tv when you did not have one, but then wanted to set it up their way in the room of their choice, you would wish they would simply allow you to do as you please with your new belonging (after all it was a gift to you). I think the same applies to your gift to her. \nBut i will say this, it seems to me that she is taking advantage of your generosity. If she is asking for the clothes then it is not really very respectful of her towards you. Remember though if you are in a tough patch financially tell her you cannot provide clothes all the time when she asks. I understand that it is your creation and you have an interest in how it is used, but for a moment consider also how much it might mean to her that you do this at all. Maybe thats why she reacted so upset when you asked her to be wearing the clothes. If it is within her own family though I doubt you should worry. It means your generosity has not been abused because it would be true that she needed it (after all her kids need new clothes too) i'd only be worried if the clothes started appearing on her friends and extended family members. Then you would know your creations are not being respected.\nI'd suggest for the sake of the friendship, apologising and agree that you over reacted, but make sure you make it clear to her that it was because you felt she was not being totally honest with you as to why she wanted the clothes. And that in the future if she does need clothes for her children then all she need do is ask and you will do your best.
5849
Giving something to someone because everyone else is caught up in the game (X-mas in the USA) is really quite selfish if you stop and think about it.  Is it for them? or is it for YOU?  Doing it so you don't look cheap?  Then you can resent her for putting you in debt for the rest of the year?  I suggest you give her something that is meaningfull.  Think about it.  Your time on this blue marble is very limited and that makes your time your most valuable posession.  Think about it.
302180
I understand what you must be going thru beacuase I faced the same dilema few years ago. Mother is like a shelter, saving her child from all evils. She cares for you and prays for you.\n\nI suggest you should maintain a contact with her. Not physically or mentally but spritually. Do good for her. If she left a sister behind her, pay respect to her as if she is your mom. Feed the poor and hungry on behalf of your mother and rest assured she'd be very happy to receive these gifts from you.\n\nYou will feel comfortable that way and it would be easier to bear the pain.