Who ever answers all of them correct first,they get best answer,so here it goes\n\nIs it legal for you to marry your widow's sister in Germany?\n\nThere are 5 apples,you take 2,how many do you have?\n\nIn your one story house,everything is the color blue.what's the color of your stairs?\n\nA plane crashes in the middle of the desert,where are the survivors buried?\n\nIs there a fourth of July in Tokyo?
133815
if shes a widow then youre dead\n\ni have 2 apples\n\nyou dont have stairs\n\nthe survivors arent dead\n\nyes, there is...its just not independence day over there\n\n\nWOO!  I WIN!
298078
a europian man comes to america without knowing how to speak english but has good memory. he goes to new york. first he goes to a videogame shop. he hears "itsa me, mario". then he goes to a resturaunt and hears "forks and knives, mister". next he visits a plumber's shop. he hears "because he didn't flush". finally he visits a candy store and hears "goody-goody gumdrops". he then goes out on the sidewalk and finds a dead man. a policeman came up to him and said,\n"who killed this man?"\nof course, he only knew what he heard so he could only reply,"itsa me, mario"\n"what did you kill him with?"\n"forks and knives, mister"\n"why did you kill him?"\n"because he didn't flush"\n"sir, you're going to jail"\n"goody-goody gumdrops"
95248
Widow woman\n\nJack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.\nAfter driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.\n"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."\n"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.\nCome morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.\nBut about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.\nIt took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.\nHe dropped in on his friend Bob, and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?"\n"Yes, I do." said Bob\n"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"\n"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."\n"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"\nBob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did...why do you ask?"\n"She just died and left me everything."\nBet you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)\n\n\nMy wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we both are in bed.\nI turned to her and asked,  "Would you like to make love?"\n"No.!!" She answered.\nI then asked, "Is that your final answer?"\n"Yes." She replied.\nThen I said, "I'd like to phone a friend."\n                 *\n                 *\n                 *\n                 *\n                 *\nThat's the last thing I remember.\n \nI get the stitches removed next Tuesday!\n\n\nhere's one more!!!\n \nHung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey boss, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."  \nThe boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow,  I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and  ask her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."\nTwo hours later Hung  Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great.  I be at work soon......... You got nice house."\n;~)
547503
NOTHING\n\nA man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis: \nThe Wife said she was sleeping. \nThe Cook was cooking breakfast. \nThe Gardener was picking vegetables. \nThe Maid was getting the mail. \nThe Butler was cleaning the closet. \n\nThe police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?\n\n\nANSWER: the maid...the mail doens't come on Sunday
362035
would milk come out of a cow's nose if it laughed?\n\nWhy does your nose run, and your feet smell?\n\nDo hyenas laugh even when they are being killed?\n\nIs there another word for synonym?\n\nWhy do we tend to raise our shoulders when we're out in the rain?\n\nIf corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?\n\nWhat is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?\n\nWhy in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?\n\nIf nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan?\n\nWhy are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?\n\nIsn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?\n\nCan fat people go skinny-dipping? \n\nDoes anybody ever vanish with a trace? \n\nIf a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him? \n\nIf a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?\n\nIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? \n\nShould vegetarians eat animal crackers? \n\nWhat do sheep count when they can't sleep? \n\nWhy are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange? \n\nWhy does bottled water have an expiration date? \n\nDo Lipton employees take coffee breaks? \n\nHow is it possible to have a civil war? \n\nIf the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2? \n\nWhy is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? \n\nif Energizer Bunny was arrested, would it be charged with battery?\n\n=)
552582
My mother and your mother were hanging up clothes\nMy mother socked your mother right inthe nose\nwhat color was the blood?\n\nThen spell it out\n\nAlso....\n\nA my name is Angie\nMy husband's name is Allen\nWe live in Alabama\nWhere I am an artist\nand he is an architect\nAnd our kids are Amber and Ally\nAnd we say Always for you!\n\nand so on with the alphabet\n\nAlso Grandmother's trunk...or I'm going to >>>>>>>>\n\nLike you say "I'm going to Florida and I'm taking an apple"\nPerson B: "I'm going to Florida and I'm taking an apple and a beatle"\n\nand so on....you have to remember what the other person said\n\nand "Wouldn't it be funny if" and you talk about various ridiculus scenarios (your teacher comeing to school without teeth)\n\nand thumb wrestling\n\nOh and the name game\n\nI say the name Catherine\nYou say Elizabeth because it starts with E, the last letter of Catherine\n\nThen after Elizabeth you say Helen\nThen Nathaniel\nThen Lucas\nThen Seth\nand so on.
200353
Q) What do women and cyclones have in common?\n\nA) they both howl when they come an take you house when they leave\n------------------------------\nQ) why is 77 better than 69?\n\nA) because you get eight (ate) more\n\n------------------------------\nQ) What is the difference between a condom and a coffin?\n\nA) you come in one and go in the other\n\n------------------------------\nQ) How did the blonde die raking leaves?\n\nA) She fell out of the tree!\n\n------------------------------\nA guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only shorts made from Gladwrap. \n\nThe psychiatrist says, ''Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.''\n------------------------------\nQ. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? \n\nA. Because when you take it off, you wonder where her t*ts went!\n------------------------------\nQ: Why did the blonde get pulled over by the police? \n\nA: Her headlights weren't working, so she was flashing people\n------------------------------\nWhat do condoms and women have in common? \nBoth spend more time in a guy's wallet than on his ****.\n------------------------------\n\nhope you like these \n\n\n\nmy appolagies if i have offended anyone :(
607959
1.  She was married to a president.\n\n2.  She is a woman.\n\n3.  She got away with White Water and the affiliated murders that went along with it.\n\nGood thing you didn't ask for four things, I'm already out of ideas.
340375
what question you can not say yes or no to?\n\n\nAnswer: Are you dead yet
560770
how about some riddles???\n\nQ:Why was the baby ant confused?\nA:All his uncles were ants!!!\n\nQ:What flower do you always wear?\nA:Two-Lip\n\nQ:What is the difference between a jewller & a jailer?\nA:A jeweller sells watches while a jailer watches cells!\n\nQ:What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment & never in a thousand years?\nA:The letter "M"\n\nQ:What is so fragile even saying it's name can break it?\nA:Silence\n\nQ:What 11-letters word does everyone pronounce incorrectly?\nA:"incorrectly"\n\nQ: Will ytou give me the 10 pts?\nA: ????
162464
I don't know, but can a man date his widow's sister in the state of California?  \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nNo silly, he's dead.  \n\nI was in Lagrange a few times.  I used to live in Kalamazoo, MI.  Don't know about how cute the guys were in Lagrange, but that cop was cute!  WooWHOOOO.
481230
1. Wie alt ist Sarah?\n2. Wie alt ist Tim?\n3. Ist Sarah verheiratet?\n4. Ist Tim verheiratet?\n5. Sind Sarah und Tim verheiratet?\n6. Jim doesn't live in Paris?\n7. How do you write this?
85476
Once upon a time a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" And the guy said "NO!" the girl lived happily ever after and she went shopping and dancing and never had to cook, never had a dirty house and she never had a headache. \nTHE END\nNote to self:\n1)Girl talked to guy. 2)Girl asked guy a question. 3)Guy answered. 4)Girl lives her life happily. 5)Girl goes shopping. 6)Girl goes dancing. 7)Girl never has to cook. \n8)Girl never has a dirty house. 9)Girl NEVER has a headache. 10)I'm a single girl.
197449
I know you're here to stay, but how did you get around the Yahoo Nazi patrol?  Please tell us!\n\nPS: Will you marry me?
482034
1) how old are you- 18\n2) what's your job--- Sub for a "mentally challenged " Residential company.Med certified,privately owned.\n3) what's your dream job--- Dont have one\n4) what's your main mode of transportaion--- My BLACK BULLET O' DEATH (the trans-am)\n5) what would you like your mode of transportation to be ---an 06 Mustang GT,silver on silver,on white,with a nice kit.\n6) if you had $10,000 to DONATE who would get it--- hmm Breast cancer.\n7) if you died tomorrow, what would people remember about you--- That i died too young\n8) if you were going to be famous (in the future) what would you want it to be for--- Helping solve a problempermanently,like AIDS...something bigger than myself and everlasting.\n9) what is your proudest moment in life/ best accomplishment--- Ive managed to keep my penis out of a vagina.\n10) what would you like to do before you die--- haha put it in one?...lol really,id like to find my mother and brother.\n11) if you had one "rule free" wish, what would it be---sorry to say but $$ would really be all i needed,thought of a "time machine" type wish,but I shouldnt regret those choices not know what the long long term result is yet.
559606
Look, these are not just jokes, but oh well.\n\nWhat goes up and never comes down?\nYour age. \n\nKnock, Knock... \n- Knock, knock.\n- Who's there?\n- Arthur.\n- Arthur who?\n- Arthur any better jokes than this?\n\nWhy can't centipedes play soccor?\nBy the time the put on a shield for their last leg, the game is over\n\nKnock knock.\nWho's there?\nYa.\nYa who?\nWhat are you so excited about?\n\n1. What is the easiest way to throw a ball, have it stop, and completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance? \n2. What is at the beginning of eternity, the end of time, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place? \n3. When things go wrong, what can you always count on? \n4. What is always behind you but you can never touch it? \n5. I am never the first to speak but I am always the last to be heard. Who am I? \n6. We were born of the same mother, on the same day, at the same hour and in the same year. Yet we are not twins. How do you explain this? \n7. Two fathers and two sons were seated round a table. There were four apples on the table. Each of them took one apple and ate it entirely yet there was still one apple left on the table. How was this possible? \n8. Before Mount Everest was discovered which was the highest mountain in the world? \n9. Here everything is not always in order. For example, Friday comes before Thursday, the cart comes before the horse, the driver comes before the employer. Where are we? \n10. When I am alive I stay put where I am. It is only when I am dead that I move about here and there. Who am I? \n11. How can you be behind a person when that person is also behind you? \n\nAnswers below.\n1. Throw the ball straight up \n2. 'e' \n3. Your fingers \n4. The past \n5. An echo. \n6. They are triplets. \n7. There were only three persons at the table comprising a grandfather, his son and his grandson. \n8. Mount Everest, of course. It was always there! \n9. In a dictionary. \n10. A leaf. \n11. Put yourself back to back of each other. \n\n1. There are six eggs in the basket. Six people each take one egg. How can it be that one egg is left in the basket?\n\n2. Acting on an anonymous phone call, the police raid a house to arrest a suspected MURDERER. They don't know what he looks like, but they know HIS name in John. Inside they find a carpenter, a lorry driver, a car mechanic, and a fireman all playing cards. Without even asking his name, they arrested the fireman. How do they know they've got their man?\n\n3. Three of the glasses are filled with orange juice; the other three are empty. By moving only ONE glass, can you arrange them so the full and empty glass alternate?\n\n4. There was once a recluse who never left his home. The only time anyone ever visited him was when the food and supplies were delivered, but they NEVER came inside. Then, one stormy winter night when an icy gale was blowing, he had a nervous breakdown. He went upstairs, turned off all the lights and went to bed. Next morning, he had caused deaths of several hundred people. HOW?\n\n1. She takes the basket as well with the last egg still in it.\n\n2. He is the only man - all the others are woman.\n\n3. Take the second glass from the left, pour its contents into the fifth glass from the left then return it to it's original position.\n\n4. He is a lighthouse keeper.\n\n5.The mailman did it, because there is no mail on Sunday.\n\nTongue Twisters\nIf you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand that you understand? Understand!\n\n\n\nI wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.\n\n\n\nSounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds. \n\n\n\nA sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.\n\n\n\nPurple Paper People, Purple
109269
A farmer had 13 sheep all but nine fell over dead. How many were left standing?\n\n>>>9\n\n\nHow many of each animal did Moses take on the ark with him?\n\n\n>>>>none Noah took two of each\n\n\nThere were four girls and a basket with four apples in it each girl took an apple but there was still one left in the basket. How is this so?\n\n\n>>>>The last girl took the basket with the apple still in it.\n\n\n\nA man is fixin to put up a fence , he needs 100 yards of fencing material. He goes to the store and buys exactly 100 yards of fencing material. Using onley your eyes how can you be sure thats how much is there?\n\n\n>>>>Because I told you so  (using your eyes you read the footage) get it?