well i know its a common question but i just have to ask. our relationship is so complicated that am not sure if i'm losing my mind or that he's playin tricks on me but every time we meet its like he wants me back but is afraid to ask me...plus is there a shrink out there coz i need to kill this addiction.its taking up so much of my time and money but i just cant pull myself away.....i think am headed for certain ruin.
120858
I know what you mean when you said you are addicted to this site... me, i cant stop answering peoples questions either. Anyway, you can contact me if you need to talk about your problems with your boyfriend. Have a nice day.
395967
The guy is a control freak. I have been in similar situations myself. good for you for trying to break free get councelling but please realise it may take years to undo all the psychological damage he has caused you.\n\nYou can only truly break free with professional councelling so please do that for me because i know what it's like.\n\nGood luck, you deserve happiness. :-)
10020
I agree with some of the others.  playas often say anything to get into your pants and then drop you like a bad habit when they find a new one.  So plz be careful and take it very slow.  If he's really trying to straighten out his life, he'll be patient enough to go the distance.
161131
For a minute I thought I was reading my journal...take it from me..I've been there...and I did give up...I gave up on looking for something that's just not there. We talked and I told him it just seemed to good to be true...but that's just it it is too good and you have to realize you are worth all the devotion he is giving you. He sounds like he may really be a good guy and if you keeping flipping out..he will leave..my man almost left me and we were in the same predicament, living together and he did everything right but b/c I had been hurt before I looked for the stuff my ex used to do and never found it...STOP IT!! before you lose the man that may really be for you!!! good luck and take my advice sweetie!!
254423
I'm afraid you are the victim of, "hit it and quit it"! The thrill of the chase is gone for him, and he's looking for his next victim. The only thing you can do is back off, and give him space. If he comes back to you...great! If not, you have done all you could to keep him. Good Luck.
301172
Obviously this guy has issues with commitment. I think he is using you until something better and more appealing comes along. Its like you are his last resort when there isn't someone else. I would move out, stop returning his calls and distance yourself from him. There is nothing but heartache ahead if you allow yourself to become too emotionally involved. Keep him away and keep your heart to yourself if you have to be around him.
91438
Its tough when other people are manipulating him.  Best thing is to make certain he knows that you are there for him but you won't be there forever if he doesn't come back to you.  Its hard but it is his choice to make even if he under undue influence.
625992
It's so hard to watch someone you love battle drugs. You want to take them and just hide them away from all the temptation of the drug. There's really not much you can do besides let him know that you love him and that you are there for him. I know he's afraid of both hurting AND disappointing you. He doesn't want YOU to watch HIM spiral downward. \n\nJust continue to be strong and let him know that you want the best for him. He's going to have to make his own decisions, and one of those will be to STAY OFF OF DRUGS. You can't do that for him, as much as you want to ~ you just can't. \n\nMy heart goes out to you sweetheart, you are not in an easy place right now. I wish the best for you both.\n\nGentle hugs to you, Marilyn
493807
This is quite typical.  Coke "givers" don't EVER have really true friends who use with them... despite quite emphatic claims to the contrary made by most of those "friends" he's supplying.   So I give you credit for admitting at least that to yourself.  But more hard honesty is needed I'm afraid.   Just because you manage to go a few weeks without using it, doesn't mean you're not addicted yourself.  If you find yourself thinking about it, and desiring it, and doing something you otherwise wouldn't in order to get it (i.e., going out with him) then you've got your own level of addiction brewing, and the sooner you admit that, the better off you'll be.  We're talking coke here, so... do I really need to point out that you're ultimately just trading sex for drugs?  Newsflash!  He doesn't love you either!  Coke is absolutely and unbelievably addictive, so don't be too quick to make him out to be the bad-guy.  He's the coke "giver" -- knowing he can't "catch" you without it -- that probably being the closest concept he has to actual "love".   But you are the USER -- and fully responsible for completing this little equation.   Getting out of an addictive relationship can be torture for ANYONE.  Adding cocaine to the picture, and thinking you can do it yourself is just plain naiive.  Use your wisdom, get some help, and completely CUT OUT OF YOUR LIFE ANYONE WHO USES COCAINE.  That's why cocaine is such a problem... because it's such a social "thing".   Ask any truly recovered addict, (if you can find one) and they'll tell you... All those people they thought were their friends??  They were nothing but users.
130178
you need to leave. whether you stay gone or not, he needs to understand it's you or the drugs. it's hard, but hold your head & just know that you will get through this.
641977
HE will not change with you. Cut the strings, you have wasted enough precious time that you will never get back. He is feeding you a line about being afraid...get going and get on with your life. Good grief, I cannot believe you hung around this long!
49615
Concentrate on your own recovery. There is no person that is worth giving it up.\n\nWhile you are concentrating on whether or not you can trust him, is he using or not, etc, YOU ARE NOT CONCENTRATING ON YOUR OWN RECOVERY. Let him worry about his. YOU worry about YOURS.\n\nIf you suspect that he is using (and you really can tell, can't you?) DUMP HIM.\n\nThink of it as a lifeboat. You need to stay in the boat so you will not drown. If he is rocking the boat, or might swamp it - THROW HIM OVERBOARD, for the sake of everyone else in the boat who wants to survive (You, your parents, siblings, kids, friends, etc.) \n\nAnyone who is not keeping the boat going, keeping it moving forward, WHOEVER THEY ARE, has to go. We are talking life and death here, don't forget!\n\nCruel but TRUE.\n\nMaybe your good example will be the thing that finally saves him. Maybe not.\n\nJust for today, stay strong, and best of luck to you!
287931
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.
140424
Dr Steve summed it up best.  He's telling you what you want to hear and going to be doing it behind your back.  Unless he gets help he's not going to change.\n\nIt has nothing to do with you.  It's all about him.  I know you want to believe but sometimes you have to listen to your head instead of your heart.\n\nYou can't live your life worried.  You need to be secure in your relationship.  You are not.  Tell him if he doesn't get help by (Pick a date), than your leaving.
573378
Sounds like he's trying to push you away. Maybe he's trying to manipulate you in to kicking him out. Since he can't bring himself to do it on his own. Sorry ,but I can't see ANY reason to stay in a unsatisfying(emotional and physical) relationship.Then again maybe he has a a physical problem but the locked up laptop kinda blows that one away. Try consuling, if he's just interested in messing with your head drop him. It's not worth being unhappy year after year...
174796
you should not believe him. i am a recovering addict, and i don't believe in using occasionally. it doesn't work that way. before long your bills and every thing will be behind. it is an expensive habit. i don't want to tell you to just leave your husband because that will make it worse for him. when my husband found out i was using he did tell me that if i didn't stop he would leave me and take my daughter. him and some of my other family has got me into Church and i have given my life to the lord. pray about it, God leaves no prayer unanswered. but we have to remember he doesn't answer them right when we want he answers them when it is the right time. now im not telling you to stay with him if he continues to use either. really open your heart to God and pray and he will put the answer in your heart what you should do.good luck and GOD BLESS YOU!!! if you need anyone to talk to you can email me or IM ME. MY im name is tootsjrfan.
627478
the word I love you is powerful only backed up by action. (caring, spending time, being there when you need that person, etc) You were right leaving him because he's just another faker. He knows nothing but to play people's mind. Everybody falls into traps of love nowadays, I can even convince a girl to go out with me without even trying. It works you know. The reason you keep falling into these "traps" is because you do not fully understand what is love and the meaning of it. Not everybody is on the same level. I have fallen into these kind of trap plenty of times, but this is the process of growing up and maturing your mind. It is okay to fall into these trap because you can always learn from your mistakes. Now in order to grow, you have to understand why he left you, what were the signs, what did he do and all that stuff. A common perspective of your situation. He has not showed that he cared for you, he really been there when you needed him, he spent time with you, comfort and hold you. These are the actions to keep his words true. Now if he keeps saying it, it is pointless, he is nothing but a talker. He's the type you should not trust and love completely. If he does back himself up with actions like those things I have mentioned a little bit back, then yea, that is the man of his words. This is just the process of learning and maturing, don't worry. good luck on recovering.