His aphorisms--Poor Richard's Almanack
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Basically not worth much at all (like a fart)
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The vicar returned to the rectory complaining bitterly that someone had stolen his bicycle while he'd been out on his parish calls.\n"I've got an idea," replied the verger."This Sunday in church make the Ten Commandments the theme of the sermon and when you get to "Thou shall not steal" watch their faces carefully for any tell-tale signs."\nSo that Sunday the vicar began his sermon but halfway through suddenly dried up and finished early.\n"What happened?" asked the verger later.\n"Well,I was going to do as you suggested but when I got to "Thou shall not commit adultery," I suddenly remembered where I'd left my bicycle."
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Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. \n\nH. L. Mencken\nUS editor (1880 - 1956)\n-------------------------\nA celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Celebrities] \n\nA cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Cynicism] \n\nA home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nA judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Laws] \n\nA poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Poetry] \n\nAll men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Lies] \n\nAll successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Journalism] \n\nAll [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nAn idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Idealism] \n\nAny man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nConscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nConscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nCriticism is prejudice made plausible. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Criticism] [Prejudice] \n\nDemocracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Democracy] \n\nEvery decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Government] \n\nEvery normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nFaith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nFor centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Religion] \n\nFor it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Trust] \n\nGiving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nI believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Government] \n\nI never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nIn the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nInjustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nIt is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nIt is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. \nH. L. Mencken \n\nIt is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. \nH. L. Mencken\n- More quotations on: [Golf] \n\nIt is inaccurate to say that I hate everyt
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Now, THAT is a damn good joke. lol \n\nAnd of COURSE he's still wrong. When is man ever right?
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The following is a Gaslight etext.... \n  A message to you about copyright and permissions \n \n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n \n\n\nTHE THREE STRANGERS\nfrom _Wessex tales_ (1903 ed.)\nLondon\nMacMillan and Co., Limited\nNew York: The MacMillan Company\n\n\nby Thomas Hardy\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nAMONG the few features of agricultural England which retain an appearance but little modified by the lapse of centuries, may be reckoned the high, grassy and furzy downs, coombs, or ewe-leases, as they are indifferently called, that fill a large area of certain counties in the south and south-west. If any mark of human occupation is met with hereon, it usually takes the form of the solitary cottage of some shepherd. \n\n  Fifty years ago such a lonely cottage stood on such a down, and may possibly be standing there now. In spite of its loneliness, however, the spot, by actual measurement, was not more than five miles from a county-town. Yet that affected it little. Five miles of irregular upland, during the long inimical seasons, with their sleets, snows, rains, and mists, afford withdrawing space enough to isolate a Timon or a Nebuchadnezzar; much less, in fair weather, to please that less repellent tribe, the poets, philosophers, artists, and others who 'conceive and meditate of pleasant things.' \n\n  Some old earthen camp or barrow, some clump of trees, at least some starved fragment of ancient hedge is usually taken advantage of in the erection of these forlorn dwellings. But, in the present case, such a kind of shelter had been disregarded. Higher Crowstairs, as the house was called, stood quite detached and undefended. The only reason for its precise situation seemed to be the crossing of two footpaths at right angles hard by, which may have crossed there and thus for a good five hundred years. Hence the house was exposed to the elements on all sides. But, though the wind up here blew unmistakably when it did blow, and the rain hit hard whenever it fell, the various weathers of the winter season were not quite so formidable on the coomb as they were imagined to be by dwellers on low ground. The raw rimes were not so pernicious as in the hollows, and the frosts were scarcely so severe. When the shepherd and his family who tenanted the house were pitied for their sufferings from the exposure, they said that upon the whole they were less inconvenienced by 'wuzzes and flames' (hoarses and phlegms) than when they had lived by the stream of a snug neighbouring valley. \n\n  The night of March 28, 182-, was precisely one of the nights that were wont to call forth these expressions of commiseration. The level rainstorm smote walls, slopes, and hedges like the clothyard shafts of Senlac and Crecy. Such sheep and outdoor animals as had no shelter stood with their buttocks to the winds; while the tails of little birds trying to roost on some scraggy thorn were blown inside-out like umbrellas. The gable-end of the cottage was stained with wet, and the eavesdroppings flapped against the wall. Yet never was commiseration for the shepherd more misplaced. For that cheerful rustic was entertaining a large party in glorification of the christening of his second girl. \n\n  The guests had arrived before the rain began to fall, and they were all now assembled in the chief or living room of the dwelling. A glance into the apartment at eight o'clock on this eventful evening would have resulted in the opinion that it was as cosy and comfortable a nook as could be wished for in boisterous weather. The calling of its inhabitant was proclaimed by a number of highly-polished sheep-crooks without stems that were hung ornamentally over the fireplace, the curl of each shining crook varying from the antiquated type engraved in the patriarchal pictures of old family Bibles to the most approved fashion of the last local sh
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Each of the quotes has it's own particular merit. The first one describes Hamlet as having an Oedipus complex, an unnatural love and fixation for his mother, even at the expense of his father.\n\nThe second seems to put Hamlet's feelings as being caused by self pity and low self-esteem. both of which then affect his decisions but only in an adverse, or bad, way.\n\nThe third by Laurence Olivier, who was a great actor, possibly the best there has ever been, and who played Shakespearean roles hundreds of times, is my favourite. You'd think, therefore, that he would know. What he refers to here is the famous 'To be, or not to be' soliloquy where Hamlet is trying to decided whether or not to commit suicide and, as Olivier so succinctly puts it, 'a man who could not make up his mind'.
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are you serious?king Richard was a king , bush only thinks hes one.as far as criticizing king Richard,no i wouldn't because a king can have your head chopped off.this isn't a very well thought out question.
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Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent. \n\nAnd discerning, if he holds his tounge.\n\n.............................................................................................................\n\n\nO.K.\n\nHow about,\n\nWhen words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tounge is wise!\n\nIn other words, I agree with you!
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Let's start with the first three: \n\nI AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN\n\nTHOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH\n\nRight off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:\n\nHONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER\n\nObedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.\n\nNow in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT STEAL\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS\n\nStealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.\n\nAnd as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE\n\nOnce again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.\n\nBut when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS\n\nThis one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:\n\nTHOU SHALT NOT KILL\n\nMurder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:\n\nThou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.\n\n&\n\nThou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.\n\nTwo is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:\n\nThou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
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"He who is without sin, cast the first stone."  All of you should be ashamed for the hatred that you show towards indviduals, even though your reference to hate is only subtle.  If we asked for every president to apologize for their mistakes, where would we be?  I'm not condoning the man, but I cannot accept the answers you give as those from knowledgable, thinking, unbiased people.
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:{\nstarted, but he seems to question the validity of following ones faith in light of modern social and technical trends. I've heard enough of that pseudo intellectual faithless jargon to last a lifetime
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Forsaking monastic tradition, twelve jovial friars gave up their vocation for a questionable existence on the flying trapeze. (106 letters) \nNo kidding -- Lorenzo called off his trip to visit Mexico City just because they told him the conquistadores were extinct. (99 letters) \nJelly-like above the high wire, six quaking pachyderms kept the climax of the extravaganza in a dazzling state of flux. (96 letters) \nEbenezer unexpectedly bagged two tranquil aardvarks with his jiffy vacuum cleaner. (71 letters) \nSix javelins thrown by the quick savages whizzed forty paces beyond the mark. (64 letters) \nThe explorer was frozen in his big kayak just after making queer discoveries. (64 letters) \nThe July sun caused a fragment of black pine wax to ooze on the velvet quilt. (61 letters) \nThe public was amazed to view the quickness and dexterity of the juggler. (60 letters) \nWhile Suez sailors wax parquet decks, Afghan Jews vomit jauntily abaft. (59 letters) \nWe quickly seized the black axle and just saved it from going past him. (57 letters) \nSix big juicy steaks sizzled in a pan as five workmen left the quarry. (56 letters) \nWhile making deep excavations we found some quaint bronze jewelry. (56 letters) \nJaded zombies acted quaintly but kept driving their oxen forward. (55 letters) \nA mad boxer shot a quick, gloved jab to the jaw of his dizzy opponent. (54 letters) \nThe job requires extra pluck and zeal from every young wage earner. (54 letters) \nA quart jar of oil mixed with zinc oxide makes a very bright paint. (53 letters) \nWhenever the black fox jumped the squirrel gazed suspiciously. (53 letters) \nWe promptly judged antique ivory buckles for the next prize. (50 letters) \nHow razorback-jumping frogs can level six piqued gymnasts! (49 letters) \nCrazy Fredericka bought many very exquisite opal jewels. (48 letters) \nSixty zippers were quickly picked from the woven jute bag. (48 letters) \nAmazingly few discotheques provide jukeboxes. (40 letters) \nHeavy boxes perform quick waltzes and jigs. (36 letters) \nThe quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. (33 letters) \nPack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. (32 letters) \nJackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz. (31 letters) \nThe five boxing wizards jump quickly. (31 letters) \nHow quickly daft jumping zebras vex. (30 letters) \nQuick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim. (29 letters) \nSphinx of black quartz, judge my vow. (29 letters) \nWaltz, nymph, for quick jigs vex Bud. (28 letters) \nBlowzy night-frumps vex'd Jack Q. (26 letters) \nGlum Schwartzkopf vex'd by NJ IQ. (26 letters)
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Greed. Read below about the Pardoner's Tale which is where you'll find the quote.\n\nThe Pardoner’s Tale:  Use of Verbal and Situational Irony       \n\n  \n\nIn “The Pardoner’s Tale,” Geoffrey Chaucer masterfully frames an informal homily.  Through the use of verbal and situational irony, Chaucer is able to accentuate the moral characteristics of the Pardoner.  The essence of the story is exemplified by the blatant discrepancy between the character of the storyteller and the message of his story.  By analyzing this contrast, the reader can place himself in the mind of the Pardoner in order to account for his psychology. \n\n In the Prologue of the tale, the Pardoner clearly admits that he preaches for nothing but for the greed of gain.  His sermons revolve around the biblical idea that “the love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).  Ironically, however, the Pardoner condemns the very same vice that he lives by, as he proclaims “avarice is the theme that I employ in all my sermons, to make the people free in giving pennies—especially to me”.  Thus, covetousness is both the substance of his sermons as well as the mechanism upon which he thrives. He clearly states that repentance is not the central aim of his preaching, by mentioning “my mind is fixed on what I stand to win and not upon correcting sin”. Rather, his foremost intention is to acquire as many shillings as he can in exchange for his meaningless pardons.  In this regard, one can argue that although the Pardoner is evil, he is not a dissembler.  His psychology is clearly not guided by hypocrisy because he does not conceal his intentions under false pretences. \n\n Chaucer clouds the genuine nature of the Pardoner’s psychology in ambiguity.  Upon reading the tale, the reader is left to wonder whether or not the pardoner is simply speaking out of drunkenness, or if he is truly of a malicious character.  With respect to the first condition, there is a possibility that the reason why he admits his intention in the Prologue is because he is drunk.  However, evidently, such behavior is a common practice for the Pardoner.  Thus, it is fair to say that he is prompted more by psychological tendencies than by drunkenness.  With respect to the Pardoner’s character, had he been truly vindictive, he would not have admitted his own greed at all.  Furthermore, he must possess some virtue because he understands the value of repentance.  Hence, the Pardoner’s psychology is neither tainted by drunkenness nor does it reflect an inherently evil character. \n\n The psychology of the Pardoner is actually directed by immoral habits.  Because he is so used to wheedling money out of people, it comes automatically for him.  Psychologically, the Pardoner is a clever man.  Essentially, the Pardoner envelops his sermon on avarice around a subliminal message, urging his audience to purchase his indulgences. \n\n The psychology of the Pardoner is defined by his unyielding love of money. He confesses that his morals are distorted when he states “I can denounce, indeed, the very vice I practice, which is greed”.  Yet, his impurity is not so much a result of his sins as it is a result of his reluctance to change his ways.  He, himself, needs to seek repentance and absolution from his pursuits.  The church was merely his instrument for obtaining money.  As Chaucer notes:  “Best of all he sang the offertory, for he understood that when that song was sung, then he must preach and sharpen his tongue to rake in cash, as well he knew the art, and so he sang out gaily, with full heart”. \n\n   Hence, one can note that the mind of the Pardoner is replete with subtle, contradictory nuances.  Analyzing the machinations of his thought processes, it is clear that the Pardoner does not practice what he preaches.  It is ambiguous, however, as to whether the Pardoner believes what he preaches, but just doesn’t follow his preaches or whether he doesn’t bel
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“Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead! In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man As modest stillness and humility: But when the blast of war blows in our ears, Then imitate the action of the tiger; Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, Disguise fair nature with hard-favour’d rage; Then lend the eye a terrible aspect.”
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He is a great bullsh**er.  Those who claim that his quatrains are true prophesies are blind.  Either blind or incredibly insensitive and should be punished to the fullest extent.  If they can see all that Nostradamus was prophesying, why didn't they warn us?  Why didn't they stop Hitler, Bush (for those that think he is Mabus), the Ayatollah Khomeini, the twin towers from falling?  Withholding this information until after the event occurs in fraudulent and abhorrent!
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Swift talks about the poor and i remember that he proposes that they eat babies.  Irony and Satire is like saying a very extreme opposite of something to get the actually idea intended across.
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Do you have one of those calendars with an anti-American sentiment for each day?