there's a question on y!a asking if gay men are relationship-phobic, and I wanted to know: is commitment in the form of a monogamous one-on-one relationship in the nature of marriage overrated?\n\nDo we (the people) privilege couples and coupled people as superior and better? \n\nIs it that are 'we' (gay men) are commitment phobic, or is it that relationships as society constructs and thinks of them a dream that turns out to be untenable, unrealistic, unreasonable and unfairly critical of people who aren't coupled up?
133337
I don't bad mouth anyone because they do / do not enjoy monogamy.  Just because a person enjoys lots of sex, pretty much like a recreational activity, with lots of individuals doesn't make that person a BAD person.  In fact, I admire a person who is honest enough to say very clearly, "Monogamy is not for me."\n\nTo your question, yes, I believe the coupled scenario is a bit privileged.  I mean why should "married" individuals pay less in taxes than single individuals?  Then come the questions about time off for maternity /fraternity leave -- what's the corresponding benefit for single individuals?  Market rate apartment rent seems geared towards the 2 income coupledom scenario.\n\nFor me, I love the challenge of monogamy and marriage... It's a romantic venture that can be made better and better...
146853
I agree with you that in most relationships, it really bonds two people. There are a few exceptions but they are very rare.\nEach time I have sexy with my hubby, I feel closer than ever before!
248857
Ok..then let me return to you this question:what do you call a man who sleeps with a lot of women?Why is it ok for men to do this,but women should stick to one man?That is so hypocrite!
88663
At times a good conversation about hopes and dreams is in order. What do both parties want out of the relationship. Are both parties happy? A younger child can bring added pressures and it affected me also for awhile. I found myself doing many of the same things for a few months. I was in a total culture shock and didn't know how to handle the situation. I am now still there for my wife and its lasted 5 good years and counting. I am now myself again and love the family life. I guess at times it takes som getting used to and others it doesnt work out for people. The situation needs to be addresses because it is unhealthy for both parties. You have needs and so does he. You all need to work things out or split apart and find happiness.
115991
I've been with my husband for over 22 years, we've been married for a bit over 18 years. We met our Sophomore year of high school. We have 3 lovely children and a great relationship. I am white, he is black.\n\nFortunately for us, we have no encountered a lot of problems. But I know that the problems are out there, they are just more masked now. We've gotten the disgusting looks, we've heard "under the breath" comments but they don't bother me much. We are content in our skins even if they aren't the same color.\n\nThe only thing that bothers me and it's not a racial thing, even if it may sound like one, is when women get involved with someone of a different race (and this applies to men too) simply because they feel it's a trend. I speak of this because I went to school with several girls who thought it was "neat to mess with a black guy". Right there, you know it's just not something serious. Why would you have to make the distinction of "black guy" (insert any other race in that phrase) you wouldn't say you think it's "neat to mess with a white guy", right? \n\nI feel that if you are interested in someone, go for it. Make the most of your relationship, despite the stares and comments. Keep your chin up and be proud of who you are, of what your relationship is and forget what others think. Good luck.
415319
Why would anyone choose a difficult life?  Especially when it would be so easy according to straight people to "choose to be straight."  If so, I have a question for them.  Why don't they CHOOSE TO BE GAY?  See all those emotions running through you straights right now?  That's how we feel.  We feel "how can we change, if we could, wouldn't we?  Same as straights who are asked to think gay."  They find it incomprehensible to think about men, as I do about women.  Its just not normal for me, sorry, does that sound like a choice or something I'm stuck with?  I cannot remember feeling anything other way from the age of 5 on up.  The men were always attractive the women were always the nice ones.  So, while it may be a choice for some, it was not for me.  The very idea that I could have CHOSE this life is laughable.
331798
Unusual, yes, most straight guys I know are freaked out by gay men.  I wish I could find a straight man that is comfortable around gay people.  My best friend (whom I live with) is gay and I would love to find a man that would be comfortable with my best friend .
604400
When you're gay (like half the people who commented on this probably arent, so they dont get it) you don't choose it.  Theres a point where you realize you are different... and its usually kinda scary.  So yeah, its natural.  If not then why do most upper forms of mammalian life do it?  Hmm?  \n\nHello?  You idiots out there with no idea what its really like to be gay?  Tell me something,.. do you think we would CHOOSE to be something that gets us beaten up, politically isolated and denied some of our basic human rights?  Get real... telling us gay is not natural and we should get with the opposite sex is like telling you to hook up with someone of your own sex.
302634
Wanting, and needing to cheat? Shows that there are, in some cases a different set of circumstances that trigger such desires to be accomplish, as much for man as for woman's? Honesty and dedication are the basic needs that in such scenario are obviously missing. I don't really know what, and why there are such impulses so indescribably real, though I believed overall cheating is a sign of immaturity as well of insecurity from the two, as well than the third sided triangle? been involved in the act of cheating. Though I know that depend of the circumstances and especial cases of each individuals involved the results are most all the time, disastrous. As well than a very bad and sad experiences, if there are Children's involved.---Thou lol..., I will subjects to all to avoid it-----, especially went this become a sex-basic act of betrayal.
558369
homosexuality is really an expression of authority on part of one male and submission on the other,it is really strictly a male nonsexual behaviour inspite of what everybody wants others to believe.thats why women are hypnotized into believing they could possibly also have same sex attraction when obviously all sex with women is about men and family  and social life.its a fag conspiracy internationally,\nproof\nwhy would gay fags want to be married? what on earth could make 2 men who already practice their deviance in peace ,what would make them want to commit that ultimatwe parody of everything ultimately sacred ,of the building unit of society?what difference is it for them to be called husband and husband?\nit doesnt make any sense,it indicates that it is a subversive movment fed by the appetites of millions of perverts.
635715
The gay movement is aggressive against holy things: like marriage, people who say it's a sin, etc.  It is only natural to be wary of them because they want to start a war....they have already.\n\nMy point is, if there is any phobia, isn't it their doing?\n\nShould they just live their lives without forcing the rest of society to call what they do "good?"
398247
There are a LOT of happy monogamous bisexuals, believe me.  I generally notice that most of them are the so-called 'established' bisexuals- ones who have known their sexual orientation for a long time and come to terms with it.  It seems that most people grappling with bicurious/bisexual feelings start to think that they should have the 'best of both worlds', not realizing that bisexuality does not equal polyamory.\n\nI agree with you that it's a tired old excuse to say that people who want relationships with both men and women simultaneously do it because they are bi.  I hate that excuse, and the negative stereotypes it furthers.  I still feel that monogamy is the best expression of love between two individuals, and I, a bisexual female, will almost without a doubt be monogamous in my future.\n\nHowever, even though they aren't for me (or most people), polyamorous relationships can be and are, indeed, loving.  That was the only thing that irked me about your post- for some, it's not 'passing it off as love'- there is true, deep genuine devotion betwen two, three, or however many other indivuals are involved in the relationship.  Loyalty has little to do with it, since polyamory isn't cheating (it always must be okayed with everyone involved).  A lot of people do cheat and call it polyamory, but that's not right.\n\nAll in all, just know that you aren't alone.  Long live bisexual monogamists!
101018
I've heard of it before...but never knew the actual term of it. It's not for me though. I'm stingy, I suppose. I don't like to share. I'd be too jealous and hurt if my husband brought another woman into our marriage...as I'm sure he would be if I did. I think it sort of...degrades?...the sanctuary of a relationship...along w/ having an open marriage or relationship. It takes something away from the sacredness...not just religion wise, but also morally. But, to each is their own, as the saying goes. So long as the people involved are content w/ it, then why not? Whatever makes a person happy, I suppose, so long as it doesn't hurt others.
666602
Why should anyone care who loves who?  \nIt's my guess that most homophobes are repressed closet gays.  What other reason would they have for overreacting to something that doesn't concern them?\nGays want to be married so they can get the same benefits like health insurance as other families get.  \nWho is anyone to tell someone else that who they love is wrong? \nOther than deluded bible thumpers that is. \nI take it as a compliment if a lesbian makes a pass at me.  It's always nice to know when someone finds you to be desirable. \nWhat does that hurt?  NOTHING!!!\nPeople who dwell with hatred on what other people do need to get a life and do something more constructive with their time.
102026
I think I might have an answer to part of your question, if I may. Of course, I can only speak from my own experience, but here goes. Maybe the reason we don't post questions about our relationships with our spouses, friends, family & other such issues is that we get our help from the Lord. We have His big book of answers, that helps guide us along our way. We also have each other, being connected by the same Spirit. We pray, asking God for guidance. We go to our Pastor's, asking for deeper answers from parts of the Scriptures that we're not acquainted quite so well with. You see, some issues need to be given into God's hands. You've seen some of the dating & relationship posts here...would you trust your relationship issue with most of the people that post on those sites? It's not intriguing when you think about it. But, one of the reasons I come to this site is to use my years of various experiences to help people. I don't always use Scripture, because it's not always required, especially when someone wants to know how to get wine stains out of their carpeting. Or how to get their two year old to talk. Things like that are practical, everyday experiences. Being that I've been married for over 28 years, raised two kids to adulthood, and have a mess of other experiences, I can help people...and I do. And yes, I am a "devout" Christian. I treat everyone with respect and answer every question carefully, even the ones that are nasty or just plain goofy. It's part of my nature to treat everyone as I would hope they treat me. For the most part, if you give respect, you get it back. This forum is a wonderful, yet scary thing. Through this site, I'm getting a different view of the world than the evening news ever could give me. There are just so many hurting young people out there, and I want to reach out to them. It's more than just the "mom" in me, it's the Lord Who is in me. Everything that gets to me has to go through Him first. I hope this helped answer your intrigues. <*)))><
262779
Just to make this LOUD AND CLEAR being gay is NOT by choice...I'm gay and i definitely didn't CHOOSE to be this way...and  why even compare str8 and gay relationships? its all the same . You love and you're  being loved ,you're  heart feels right with that person...that's all that matters.
535005
In the UK we have recently started to accept civil partnerships, which I hope is the first step towards a better gay marriage law.  The difficulty is that a lot of pople think that "marriage" can only be between a man and a woman and a lot of people think that gay people don't deserve the same human rights as straight people, I hope that these views fall out of favour because there is no real difference and surely two people in a happy, commited relationship are better off than two single people that are living alone and miserable!