I am going through a divorce, long story short, I had an affair after a year of trying to get him to therapy, he wouldn't go. He found out, and within 2 days was with another woman and has been ever since.  We know this woman mutually, she told me a year ago this month she was going to ruin my marriage and I found out she had been sending him emails prior to my affair and his leaving.  Now they live together and she has been pushing our divorce (he is using her divorce attorney) and telling him everything will be so much better after the divorce.  We have a 2 year old son so we are stuck in eachother's lives.  \n\nI'm just wondering if this thing with them is rebound or what.  He hasn't talked to me about any of this, not even the divorce, he just sent me an email saying he was filing.  We were married for 3 years and together for 11 (since high school).  \n\nThanks in advance.
138228
it's really suspicious that he got with her two days after your affair? sounds like something was going on before then and he was just waiting for you to mess up to set you up and make you look like the bad one for court people are vicious when there about to go to court and these two are so divorce happy it sounds like a plot to me  you were the one trying to go to therapy and do all you could for the mariage while he didn't care hmm wonder was he seeing her then probably. or are you the martyr type and you want to find a reason to blame yourself for his affair because he has always blamed you for his behavior so you now take on that role by yourself don't feel guilty honey only feel guilty you didn't get rid of him sooner those two will self destruct don't worry and if they don't you won't care you'll be to busy with  your new husband that you won't need to beg to go to marriage conseling because you'll have a good marriage by then even though you did wrong God can forgive you God probably respects you for trying to do everything to save it sounds like he never tryed he checked out before you did he'll pay for that one day while your rewarded one person can't make a marriage work so it's not your fault he wasn't willing to go to conseling or probably do anything and trust me about my prediction thats what happen to me it can happen for you the worst is behind you Godbless.
404069
I personally think you have made a smart move and are taking responsibility for what is yours. I would NOT stay with or talk with the ex girlfriend. (why mess up what you are trying to recreate). I can understand why you were made at your wife, but she is your wife and more importantly the daughter is yours.
535493
this is a tough one.  its hard to find your balance after a divorce.  do you think he wants you back or is he trying to maintain some kind of friendship?  i think you should just tell him.  if he severs contact with the kids then maybe thats not such a bad thing for them.  why should they have to deal with a sometimes dad who doesnt put them first?  if he is that immature then maybe they are better off.  it is hard to make decisions that may do harm on your kids especially when they are too young to truly understand.  my ex does the same thing.  i just limit the contact as much as possible.  also when he calls, you could just put one of the kids on the phone.  eventually he would get the point.  good luck.
177395
i dont think this is normal i think she still wants him in her life even tho theyre divorced she shuld let go of him and he shuld move on too. and he might be affected real;l;y badly which is y he shuld lay low from her maybe go somewhere to hang with his friends. also he culd just say no wen she asks for favors, i mean she has a husband y cant the husband help the wife. \ngood luck to the guy
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
291760
Tell the wife everything. Be prepared for her to hate you. Let her know about the kid, how you found out about her and when, and how long you've been with him. If she wants to, then the two of you should confront him together and see what he says. I don't know how you didn't know this when you've been with him for three years, but that's not the point. It doesn't matter if he knows it's you. He SHOULD know it was you who told. he had no right to play you the way he did. You never signed up to be the other woman or a homewrecker.
264101
I agree with RKRELL and in addition according to what you state in your question with regards to "Due to the fact that her lover told me he was arrested for possession of cocaine that he was going to give her for her birthday last month", I would say you definitely want to make your attorney aware of this. This being true it would seem to me this 'lover' could provide both testimony as to her personal habits of both drug use and adultery which in most states would at the very least afford you possible temporary custody of your sons.
58526
It sounds as though he has not achieved closure in his first relationship. Until he does, it will most likely continue to haunt your current situation.\n\nSince this marriage was "forced," the timing may not have been right. He will always have a link to his ex via his children, but it sounds like he has a bond to her, too. That needed to be broken before he moved on. Now, if you try to insist that he break it, it will probably cause turmoil and resentment between the two of you.\n\nIt's frustrating when a spouse has to pay a lot of child support. That's something you know going in, and you have to be prepared to deal with it. If not, it will become handy fodder during fights.\n\nIt sounds like a case of bad timing all around. It's possible that it can be salvaged, but your husband would have to be willing to implement a plan to make a complete break from his ex (other than things having to do with the children) and you would have to make a plan to deal with the financial frustration.\n\nDr. Barb Nefer, http://www.bnlifeskills.com
104489
After just being married, I'm sure that your mindset is that EVERYTHING should be together.  Seperate accounts is what he is used to at the moment.  This is all new for the both of you.  Give him a little time.  As time goes on, I am willing to bet the accounts will merge.  This is what happened to me.  I'm speaking from experience.  Don't push too much right now.  Lay low on this and see where it goes.
341730
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
63993
"Desperation is a stinky cologne"... I was desperate about 3 years ago.  It was the ugliest thing you ever saw.  Divorce is always ugly... but let me tell you that if a woman has made up her mind about a divorce... its made up.  To make it worse, she decided a long time before she actually told you so it's set in her mind and it won't be undone.  My ex told me we wouldn't be getting divorced if had done this or hadn't done that and the more I worked on those things... the angrier she became.  Why, because she made up her mind a long time ago and and she doesn't want you screwing up her justifications.  Let her go do what ever she is going to do and you just work on getting back to God... because that could be all that saves you from doing "something very stupid"... I can hear it in your voice.  I could go on, but I really just want to answer the question you posed "what to do when my wife loves another and kicks me out but i still love her?"... You have to pray for God to show you what he wants you to get out of this and to pray for her and the well being of your children.  Don't worry about her love right now... just God's and you will be in a much better place a year or so from now.
340517
They there bubby! I gave you an answer last month regarding your BF who is in jail and demanding you send him money... I thought by now you would have left him because it sounds like he's having an extra marital affair in there, or he's paying for his drug habit... Quit sending him money now... E-mail me personally and lets talk...Been there and done that scene many times with my significant other and eventually caught him cheating on me so I left him after our 14 year relationship... He kept bothering me and wouldn't find a job and expected me to support him and finance his drug habit, so I went home clear across the State of Alaska, and you now how big our state is... Since then, I've got my life back, a new job and making more money and saving and planning on going on a vacation to meet this guy I met on the internet and hopefully take him home and start my life over again..... I occassionaly miss him and think about him but life goes on.... So I weigh the pros and cons of our past relationship and stop thinking about him and pat myself in the back for taking my life back towards the positive side and don't plan on returning to him... I used to go to the library to use a computer to check my e-mail, but since then I have been able to buy my own computer and alot of other things that I couldn't buy when I was with him..... I look forward to hearing from you Tracer and think positive and things will work out for you.... Otherwise do you have IM/chat so we can talk without having to wait for each others reply? So let's chat and come up with some alternatives to ease your pain.... I have yahoo messenger...
270359
I suspect that the two of you were not telling the same story, although you think you are. But this is immaterial. Why listen to advice from other people? If you have both decided that divorce is the best way forward, then this is what you should do. Forget other people's opinions. These just muddy the water. Just be thankful that the two of you have made this decision and can still be friendly towards each other.
359039
I dont think you should be talking to your EX at all. And the fact that you are sneaking around makes me think you want something from her. There is a reason she is your EX. YOu should quit contacting her. And when your wife finds out I hope she kicks your scandalous a$$!
61695
This sounds like a terrible story, but is there a question in it somewhere?\n\nEDIT: Okay, let's try to figure out what the question is.  Are you trying to figure out how you can get your daughter back from your ex-husband?  If that's it, you really ought to talk to a lawyer...maybe you can find a decent one through the Bar Association that will do some pro bono work.  If you just aren't interested in working with lawyers, and you really want to involve this group in something as personal as this, you're going to have to post more details...and more *relevant* details (stick to the facts, ma'am).\n\nIf you want better answers, ask better questions and include more of the important details.  Things people might want to know are these:\n\nAre there any court orders right now?\n\nWhat state do you live in?\n\nWhy did your ex take your child, or at least why do you think he did or what did he tell you?\n\nHave there been any allegations of improper parenting on either side?  Any mental health issues on either side?  Drug use?  \n\nIf I'm guessing correctly at what you want to know, I just don't think you're going to be able to get the answers you need in this forum.
223147
Hi, My X use to do the same exact things! I know exactly what it feels like, unfortunately the last few lies I found out were from my children. He was hangin around with a white trash piece of shit that was his sisters friend. He swore up and down they were just friends, come to find out he had been seeing her off and on for about 12 years! I was married to this asshole for 17 of them! Please please... Listen to your heart, especially with his track record.. make sure for yourself and I hope its not true, but that there isn't another woman! I don't know how I didn't find out sooner. I guess the kids were younger..not sure.. But the things you were saying is just how it was with us.. and he didn't even care when we didn't talk I think he actually enjoyed it because there was less to cover up if I wasn't asking him questions! But please keep your eyes and ears open, and I hope you find nothing but just in case hun.. take it from someone who has been there. Take care good luck and if anything changes please keep me informed or if u need another woman to talk to email or im me anytime! Good luck & be strong! Kim