it makes me uncomfortable that she hates her mom and the baby. what can we do?
124367
Tell the mom about the situation so that she can decide what to do with the babysitter. If i were in the mom's place, I would get another babysitter who had more concern for both my child and more respect for me.
422603
Geez, this sounds like a real mess!  It sounds like you feel obligated for the baby, but the mother (and whoever the father is) has a real mess of a life right now.\n\nAsk yourself this:  how would you be helping the baby, and what would your relationship be like with the mother?  If you think the mother is using you, and playing on your feelings of guilt, this is not going to help you or the baby.  If you really cannot walk away, and dismiss the mother from your life, think about what you do feel comfortable with, and support her in that way.  \n\nMy thoughts are with you, this sounds like a tough one, and will be a tough situation for the mother and baby as well.
500093
I  think  you  already know what you  have to do.     In  the  first place  how  do you know -besides  what she has told you -  that  her husband was abusive?      One  way or other, it is  absolutely clear to anybody with half a brain  the woman is using you ...   and  using  her  own  children as a   weapon  against you  if you  try to  stand up for yourself.    Well,   the ONLY  thing  possible  for you to do..  unless you want  to   stand there meekly  and let her destroy what should be the peace and  tranquility  of your and your husband's  lives -  is  take a  stand  and Tell  this selfish, self-centered, self-serving piece of  garbage  whom you so unfortunately  have as a daughter,  that  you have already done all -  and in fact  more -  than you have  the means to do..   She is;pulling one of the oldest  games in the book  with those who feel obliged to fall over backwards for her  because of blood relationship   .....emotional blackmail.... and you have  allowed yourselves to  fall for it hook, line, and sinker.    Enough  already.    You  can't   "save the world"  and   those are  HER children,  so you  cannot  be held  responsible for  them  either.      You  have  already allowed this outrageous situation  to go on  waaaaay  too long,  and the  very behaviour that you have  described,  defines her   exactly for what  she  really is....  a  mean,  selfish, ungrateful,  freeloading opportunist  who needs  to be made to  hit the road  before  she  succeeds in  ruining   your  and your husband's  lives,  and  your health.
59889
I struggled with mine for years.  Will she talk to you about it?  If you can't talk to her about it face to face try writing her a polite letter.  You need to stand your ground now because if you don't it is only going to make things worse later on.\n\nIt's kinda like a bully if you let her keep pushing you she will expect to keep your first born.  But yet at the same time you don't want to upset her because she will be your family.\n\nYour fiance needs to be aware of what is going on. And you need to be together on the issue otherwise it could create more problems down the line. But don't let it affect you and your relationship. It's her problem not yours!\n\nWe no longer talk to my husband's family but I really hope you can work it out it makes life so much easier!  GOOD LUCK!
501843
We do, I think we might have the worst kind of neighbor possible, she's unreal! She moved here about a year ago. She started off quiet, and then she started saying racial things to one of our neighbors. She'd watch them when they go in and out of their house, and not let them get into their cars. Then she left them alone.  She has started things with just about everyone on this street. She has even harassed the manager and screamed at him. She had bothered everone except us. Oi. We have been feeding a few stray kittens for years and no one has ever said anything; many people thought we were doing a great thing. She decides to make it a big deal and complain to the owners about it and gets pissed when they do nothing. Then at Halloween she said she didn't like our decorations because they were 'distracting' her. She started leaving her blinds wide open, but only the ones facing us. So my mother bought a piece of lattus to  use as a decoration and to block her view on our porch because she had started stalking us. There was a time when my mom was getting the newspaper and looked up and the neighbor jumped back from the window in surprise. Her windows are wide  open and she watches when we go in and out. This made her mad and she threatened to come over here and do something and take it down, while I was home alone. A few weeks ago, she came onto our porch at 1 in the morning and was shocked when someone saw her. Her dog barks for hours and hours everyday and she does it on purpose. Shes even gone as far as to put a stupid voodoo doll in her window facing our porch. A lot of us suspect she has either a mental problem or anger issues. Shes gone out in the middle of the night to scream at something with no importance. Shes also gone out and taken pictures of some guys car when he did nothing at all. Its getting to a point where we are afraid in our own home. I am home alone during the day, and she keeps saying she'll come over here and do something. We can't even go on vacation because we're afraid she'll do something to the house or to the cats we feed.  I'm afraid she hasn't stopped. But my mother has gotten everyone to sign a petition, put it in writing and get a restraining order to get her out of here. We're working with the police and the manager too. All we ca hope for is that if she violates her restraining order, she'll have charges pressed and one step closer to her getting gone. Wish us luck, heh.
15801
mary,\n\nYou know your child better than anyone else.  Knowing what sets her off is your key to letting her know anything.\n\nIf she needs to be handled with kid gloves, put them on.  If she appreciates the direct approach, let it fly.  \n\nIt's something that needs to be discussed, though.  Perhaps she doesn't know about her little problem.  You're being a good mom...she should be happy to have a mom like you.
434928
oooh what a nasty old sow....she's jealous of you coz your young and beautiful ans she's an old clapped out boiler...i know what i woud say to her if i was in your situation..but i could'nt type it in here...ignore the old boot....she has no right slagging your mother off, she does not even know her...she sounds bitter an twisted to me...kick her in the fanny and tell her to shut her gob...
503220
Please address this issue with the parents.  find out how much interaction she gets with her parents and the newborn.  This could be a key in why her behavior is bossy and might indicate the parents attitude about the newborn.\n\nTry teaching the child how you do your work and incorporate her into the routines.  This might sound weird but she maight be trying to see where she fits in in the family and she might be trying to justify her existence and usefulness to the family.\n\nI have more but will need more information on the home life to be more complete in my answer.
30577
I think she should feel guilty and know in her heart she f'ed up and live with the fact she just ruined a good mans life and the childrens. so just deal with the fact hes just gonna be your babies daddy and gonna be a good dad that will move on.
371028
TOUGH!  I kind of had the same problem.  I talked to my husband about it, and made it very clear that I adored her, but feared her meddling would come between our relationship.  I also told him that I in no way wanted to come between him and his mom....but we needed to set ground rules.  He understood more than I thought he would...and he talked to his mom about it.  After all, he knows her better than I do...so he knew how to express this without upsetting her and making me look like a bad person.  It has worked very well, and we are ALL happy now.
435350
No dealing with her is not the right way to go as long as you and your step daughter are having good times what her mother says doesnt matter dont get into her controlling methods.Maybe the response you could have said was im sorry sweety dont you want me to do your hair anymore or well ok if you dont like it how about we look at some pictures and we can try some different things that you would like done. Hubby is only going to put smack  bang in the middle of it if he says anything...if he did what would her response be? like she would care? she wants you to bite but being angry and spiteful  is a sad game to play. Enjoy your daughter you have the right to have fun in any way that you wish....good luck
315549
kill her and hide the body!!! LOL just kidding, it is hard, the best thing you can do is have your husband talk to his mom, other than that you are sol. it is a funky little sitch because if he is not ready to cut the strings and you push him he will hold it against you, stupid i know but that is how it is. if you say anything to the mom she can easily manipulate it to drive a wedge between you two. only move if you have to for a job or something, because the phone can easily still work no matter where you go. so have your hubby talk to her first, then maybe sit down as a family to work out some rules or something. good luck on this sticky wicket!
154112
Talk to your wife! Tell her the situation without getting upset with her. She loves her daughter and knows that her daughter is out of control but who will take care of that child her daughter had? Maybe she feels it is safer for the grand baby to be with the two of you and not left all alone some where. It does seem too much for someone of 23 to act with such disrespect and she seems childish in a way. Set rules with her and tell her it is your home and not to bring strangers into your home again! If u set boundaries and that doesn't work then i would make her leave your home instead of ruining your marriage! I would only leave your wife if she wouldn't respect your wishes for things to change and put her foot down as well. Good luck!
516335
Be at peace with yourself, no matter what your decision.\nAnd this isn't the life I ordered either, but sometimes it still suprises me.\n\nSweet Dreams\nIT'S THE MOM PEOPLE..and it's a damn hard job so cut her some slack
496286
. Well I would say when her child is running muck in front of you and your friend about the buttinski   neighbor \n \n(Set this trap.)\n To your other friend I would tell her you before hand you are going to do this so she can concur with you through the whole thing).\nYou know some people have no control of there children and really make it miserable for every one That you both feel that people who allow there children to ruin a muck that there children do not learn how to behave in polite society It is a given fact that people who do not discipline there children have problems in school and community later on in life. They learn to be bullies and take advantage of others because they can.\n \n You can even say my friend Diane (Me) who has worked in mental health for over 10 years with kids says the problem with kids today is that parents are way to permissive. You have to nip it while they are young otherwise they have no social conchies\nPeople who children would try to injure cats they are more likely to be cruel and Have no sense of compassion or remorse and they usually end up predators of some kind. This has been tested time and time again.\nI would hate to see when this buttinski neighbors kid gets in school I would not even let any of my grand kids play with him so they would grow up acting like them.\n\n I had a kid one time keep kicking me in the Wal-Mart hard in my leg I didn't know this kid from Adam The mother looked and said nothing I was going to let it go but when she did nothing and I had had blood clots in my legs and have been very protective of them .\nI said to the child and the mother loudly well it’s apparent your mother has never taught you discipline in the home what gives you the right to kick me hoping she would intervene. She didn’t\nHe started at me again. I then said go for it kid and I will kick you back hard.\n She starts how dare you he only a child. \nI said well if you are his parent it’s your job to make him mind so be a parent and make him mind, in society he does not have the right to kick me I did nothing too him to provoke and if your child can't behave or you won't make him, leave him home. We should not have to put up with your Childs ill behavior Then I showed her where all my bruises were up and down my leg where he kicked me.\nLady I should have your son arrested for assault on my person.to teach you a lesson.\n I looked right at the kid and said maybe I will. She practalliclly ran from the store and the people in line cheered. I never would have kicked the child I just wanted to gets moms attention and have her intervene like moms suppose to do.\nI rarely ever spanked my son except a swat here and there usually just a straighten up. Made a swat sound and hurt his pride more than his back side. He does the same with his kids now and they are well behaved I can take them any where.\nSo next time you see someone disciplining there child in the local Wal-mart tell them what a good mom your Mom is to that child because she wants people to love you and like you and she is willing to teach you  the right way because she loves you.\n\nDiane
388907
Yes you are I know there is not an excuse for being cruel and hurt full. But she has lost her son and the grief and pain of that is unbearable. She is not thinking rationally, she needs to blame something or in this case someone. Let this alone let her grieve I am sure she loves her grandchild and will come to her senses. In the meantime perhaps when all the do gooders come racing over to tell you every word that she has said perhaps you should tell them that you do not want to hear it! This keep you from being hurt and quite frankly helps these people realize that they are not helping anyone by running back and forth with he said she said nonsense.I am so sorry for rthe pain that you all are going thru. Perhaps the easiest way for you to have compassion for her is to remember how devastated you would be if you lost your little boy. Beleive me whether they are 3 days old or 50 a mother never recovers fully from losing her child.
284868
well the next time that you answer the phone and its her tell her how you feel. tell her she is selfish and needs to stop thinking of only her own self. oka y i know that this sounds harsh and she is older and that whole respect thing comes into play. but you don't just get respect you have to earn it. she does not deserve it. tell her that you love her but she needs to stop asking your husband for things. Tell her that she is her son but now he has another family to worry about. as long as she can afford her own things he should not have to support her too. Ok you really have to do this it sounds bad but you don't want to go the rest of her life hating her and wanting her to go away. Tell her in the nicest way possible all of the above, tell her that you want to be friends with her and you want her to be in the childrens life but they can and will do with out her if she continues being this way. Good luck and remember the truth hurts but its the only way to go.