if pets could talk. what would they say?????
953524
MY GRANDMOTHER USED OT TELL ME THAT GOD MADE IT SO THAT ANIMALS COULDN'T TALK SO THEY WOULDN'T TELL US ABOUT THE MANY THINGS THEY CAN SEE THAT WE CAN'T.
589606
I believe in God. But that has no relevance on a dogs intelligence. I know that when I say lay down they understand me. When they bark I have no clue of what they are saying. So in a sense they may have one up on me.
464743
Once upon a time all dogs were invited to\na party. When they arrived at the party\nthey were required to leave their\nbutts at the door. All the dogs hung them\non hooks by the door.\nThe party went on and the dogs were\nhaving a great time. All of a sudden\na fire broke out. The dogs raced to\nthe door and grabbed whichever Glutaeus Maximus\nthey could grab first,\nIn an effort to find their own Glutaeus Maximus.\nthat is why, to this very day,\ndogs sniff each other's butts!!!!
509133
A Dog Named Sex\n\nEverybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.\n\n \n\nWhen my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"\n\n \n\nOne day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.\n\n \n\nWhen my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"\n\n \n\nLast night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.\n\n \n\nWell now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
512726
WOw ! What a Question ..Well @ first I was gonna say ..I'd like to come back as one of My Dogs ..'cause Boy do they Live & have a GREAT ~ Life ..But Then I gave abit more thought to it . And ya  know ..I'd Like to Come back as ME ..And Maybe Get a chance to RE~DO the things I didn't do so Good before and Also RE~Do the Things that turned Out Rather Good. Hmm bit torn between the two right now ..as I sit & glance over @ My Dogs Sleepin in My Bed with out a Care in the world  :)
763718
The cheek of the man fidgety.Very clever though!\n"If you really loved me,you'd buy me a nice mink," said the wife sulkily.\n"All right," groaned the husband."I'll buy you a mink if it's that important to you,but only on one condition."\n"Condition? What kind of condition?"\n"You have to keep it's cage clean!"\n\nI was with my wife and she was reading a magazine and she showed me a photograph of a fur coat. She said:"I'd like that." So I cut it out and gave it to her.(One of Tommy Cooper's little gems.)
552340
Affirmative. \n\nLet me teach you something.  Ready?\n\nYankees suck!  Say it a few times and you'll be amazed at how well you feel.
1063709
what are you talking about....your pet goldfish
798676
woof wooof........arrrf arrrrf.....yowwwww.......\nunderstand?
249775
Give them a bone......\nMy pussy does the same thing...constantly meows over & over.
1087528
Really wacky question... LOL... Would you? I was thinking of an animal with a wide and long tounge... hmmm... how about a cow?... why not try it. It would be a great feeling, I think. =)
827470
person1:my dog has no nose.\n\nperson2:how does it smell?\n\nperson1:bad.
1476
Lets see------"Trading you in for a new model" "I just need some space" "My dogs don't like you" just to name a few lol Sorry but some are just so lame--not the lines but the guys who said it. tc---Linda
58893
maybe naming the animals lol
854000
Absolutely....they communicate with each other, as well as humans.  Maybe we can't tell exactly what they're saying, but they're trying.  My cats talk to me all the time, and just like a baby has different cries....my cats have different meows!
53200
i din know you could talk to animals..\ndid they tell you that they don't wanna die?
47806
Don't look now, but is that dog laughing?\nSusan Milius\n\nAmid all the panting, a dog at play makes a distinctive, breathy exhalation that can trigger playfulness in other dogs, says a Nevada researcher. Yes, it might be the dog version of a laugh. \n\n \nDogs at play give breathy exhalation (top) that differs from standard pants (bottom, arrows). \nSimonet\n \n\n"To an untrained human ear, it sounds much like a pant, 'hhuh, hhuh,'" says Patricia Simonet of Sierra Nevada College in Lake Tahoe. However, this exhalation bursts into a broader range of frequencies than does regular dog panting, Simonet discovered when she and her students analyzed recordings. \n\nThey observed the bursts during play but not in aggressive clashes, Simonet reported in Corvallis, Ore., last week at a meeting of the Animal Behavior Society. \n\nGordon Burghardt of the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, who theorizes about the evolution of play, says Simonet's presentation caught his interest. Her dog-laughing proposal needs more testing, he cautions. But he notes that other scientists have proposed that nonhuman primates and even rodents laugh. \n\nSimonet's team investigated the question by standing in parks with a parabolic microphone that enables them to record dog hubbub from a distance. "People kept coming up to talk to us, so we finally had to wear signs explaining that we were trying to record," she says. \n\nSimonet differentiates a broader-frequency exhalation from pants by calling it a laugh. With recordings of such laughs and growls, the researchers tested 15 mostly young dogs in an observation room. When the researchers broadcast the laugh, a puppy often picked up a toy or trotted toward a presumed playmate, if a person or another dog was in the room. Simonet's own best attempt at the laugh likewise prompted dogs to look for a romp. Broadcasting growls elicited no such effects. \n\nThis dog-exhalation study reopens many questions about whether animals laugh, comments Brian Knutson of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md. He has recorded chirps that laboratory rats give as they wrestle with each other. Rats also chirp before receiving morphine or having sex. He interprets the sound as indicating "the rat expects something rewarding." \n\nSuch phenomena help neuroscientists trace the brain's reward circuitry, Knutson explains. He says he's unsure about how to compare the chirp of a romping rat to the guffaw of a person. "I think we've done a decent job of figuring out what it means in the rat," he says. "Now the onus is on the human researchers." \n\nAnother analyst of rat chirps, Jaak Panksepp of Bowling Green (Ohio) University, has recorded the animals' ultrasonic squeaks while he tickled them. "Of course, you have to know the rat," he cautions. He says he is open to the possibility that the rat chirps amount to laughter in the animal world. Also, he suggests that Simonet's team could search for animal laughter by recording the sound dogs make when they are tickled. \n\nYet another student of play, Marc Bekoff of the University of Colorado in Boulder, says he thinks he knows the panting sound Simonet describes. "When I get down on all fours and go up to dogs and go 'hhuhahhuhahhuh,' they get very solicitous," he says. "Whether it turns out to be like a laugh or not doesn't matter in the end, because what's important are all the questions it opens up about how communications work."