how do i get divorced and still keep my son in a pro-mother state. My wife is doing drugs.?
954665
I don't know what state you are in, but in Pennsylvania you may as well forget it unless the mother is a convicted axe murderer or a convicted drug dealer.\n\nI had the head attorney for a powerful family law lobby in PA and I ultimately lost.\n\nFor even half a chance you need to have a friend report her when you know she is doing drugs and have her arrested. Be careful though, you are still the husband and can't be a witness against your wife in many instances.
711906
First of all I'm sorry that you have a mother like that. And it's too bad your children can't have a good grandmother. Personally I wouldn't do anything. It's apparent she doesn't want real help. She just wants to continue using drugs while piling up on someone's couch. Besides you have to put your children first and she's not a good influence for them. It would be a danger for her to live with you. I know it's a hard decision but your children need a safe, loving environment.
648281
Talk to a social worker and see if you can get custody/guardianship for her. Or seek legal aid. \n\nBut whatever you do, keep it legal and open. No tricks, no running away, nothing like that.
562186
I agree with RKRELL and in addition according to what you state in your question with regards to "Due to the fact that her lover told me he was arrested for possession of cocaine that he was going to give her for her birthday last month", I would say you definitely want to make your attorney aware of this. This being true it would seem to me this 'lover' could provide both testimony as to her personal habits of both drug use and adultery which in most states would at the very least afford you possible temporary custody of your sons.
657085
I agree with whomever said to petition the court.  You can contact your local department of social services to see where and how to get the paperwork. My sister's ex mother in law did much the same thing during my sister's divorce and custody hearing (her ex husband was into drugs and endangering all their welfare by bringing the dealers home). Her ex mother in law got one day a month (supervised by my sister b/c of problems there as well).  This is in NY. Your best bet would be to contact a lawyer and see what your states laws are.  I am a total advocate of children having relationships with ALL their family (with the exception of when they are in danger by this of course) So I wish you the best of luck.  I believe children are harmed when they are brought into the middle of adult squabbles. Again best of luck to you.
956585
You need to do what's best for you and your son. Your wife doesn't care about her marriage and she won't stop having sex with the neighbor. Confront her and see if she wants to save the marriage or get out. If she wants to get out, then move forward with the divorce as quickly as possible.
1019930
Well the only support group I know is Alanon its also for people who use drugs, booze, but it's also there to help with other problems you have with in your family. \nAs far as the child support issue.. How many kids did they have together?? If it's only one it's only 17% of the gross if it's more then one then the % goes up accordingly to the # of kids. And she can't keep taking him back to court once it's been in front of the judge. Unless he's gotten a large settlement, raise of more then 3% over and above of what he was making. Also get a hold of Legal Aid they can give you some advice on the matter or send you in the right direction. Well if she receives food stamps, public aid etc then she really has no right to ask for more money unless he gets a letter stating that he needs to increase the child support and only by the order of the court, judge etc can that be done. She's giving you a bunch of BS. I've been through this with my X-HUSBAND and I've been paying him Child Support so I know what you're feeling. Been there done it.  I hope this has helped?? If there is any thing else please feel free to contact me at    mr_djman2006@yahoo.com    I'm Dawne Good Luck. \nP.S. Check out this web site I think it also might help you out. Later
495146
The therapist and support group cannot even legally give you any inclination that he is even a patient there under the HIPA rules so you can't do much but move on. Honestly, if he has done "sexual things" in front of your son and is an unstable drug addict you need to seek help for yourself to understand why you want him to be anywhere near your son. Sorry, to put it so bluntly, but yeah dream on.
688607
I'm afraid you're stuck.  In the court's view (and mine too), you helped make that child, and, thus, are responsible for helping raise him.  Your ex's response to you, however, is mean and vindictive.  Someday he will find out you are alive and wonder why she lied about you.  Continue the child support for your son's sake.  At least then you can say that in spite of the meaness of his mother, you still did everything you could to help in his rearing.  He will someday understand that it was his mother that forced you out of his life and that it was not your decision.  If you stop child support to spite her, you will hurt your son as well.  If there is to be any hope of a relationship between you and your son when he is eighteen (then your wife can not longer stop you legally), you do not want to hurt him in any way or give your ex any more fuel to use against you.  Be the better person and then stick it to her when you tell your son the truth when he is eighteen!!
786786
Hey, you picked her, and now you're stuck with her forever, because you made a baby with her. You should have fought the move - it may be too late for that now. If she's living in another city, why is she trying to get the house? And why didn't you get an order for "no overnight guests of the opposite gender when the child is home" in your divorce/custody papers? I know a guy who did that, hired a PI and won custody of his 2 girls because the mom couldn't keep her legs crossed when her daughters were home.\n\nHave your visitation order with you and bring the police with you to pick up your kid for visitation. She can't keep the kid from you, and if the cops are already there, the whole tresspassing thing will vanish. Learn what your rights are and fight for them. There are a lot of father's support groups out there with a lot of legal information.\n\nShe is not going to get better. Maybe she will be distracted if she has a few more kids, and maybe you'll get lucky and she'll find another man to torture instead of you.\n\nDocument everything and bring it to court when you have to go. Don't be late with the child support, either, because judges don't look kindly on deadbeats -- and they also don't look kindly on women who won't let the fathers have relationships with the children. Record the phone calls. Get them for harrassment.\n\nGood luck to you.
812890
Your best bet is to get clear on what your "rights" as a parent are - remember, the mother of your child (your "ex-wife") has those same rights.  Your wife (non-mother) of your child has "no PARENTAL" rights---that's why the school could say what they did.  The school has to answer to the PARENTS of the student and, of course, the law.  The "law" guarantees the "rights."  Call your attorney and get clarification.  Invite your wife to attend a meeting with your attorney so she won't be so upset when your ex-wife exercises her parental rights because she is one of the parents.  It's good that you continue to try to smooth things over.  For your son's sake, you and his "mom" need to be on the same page.  He lives with you and his mom all the time...but with his step-mom part of the time.  I can understand that your wife is upset about the picking up at school...but let's turn it around.  How would you feel if your ex-wife had a husband that wanted to do a ton of things with your son including picking him up from school and he wanted your ex-wife to tell you off.  Sounds kinda crazy when you think of it that way, huh.  It IS great that your wife does things with your son!!!  Give her many, many thanks and praise.  Keep in mind what is best for your son and not your wife.  Giving his mom respect will do more for him than simply doing what your wife wants---but may not help you much in the cuddle department---that shouldn't make a difference though, if your wife is doing things with your son to 1) be nice because she is or 2) help take the load off of you.  If she's doing it to spite your ex-, you've got a bigger problem on your hands than you realize.  May not be answers you were looking for.  Pray about it if you pray, that is.
333543
call the courthouse in your area.\nlaws differ from state to state.\nyour son might GIVE you custody if you ask.
237874
I think she is smoking weed or is taking zanex and drinking!\nShe nuts!\nDont leave your son alone with her!\nLOL
951573
I hate to say it but I believe you have a reason to be concerned about your soon to be ex-husband's visits to your son even though they are supervised.  \nMy suggestion would to make sure your attorney has the information.  Due to his past history make your request for supervised visitation be a non negotiable point in the divorce.  Make sure your attorney brings it up to the judge.  Usually at some point the judge will ask you if you have anything to say.  Tell him/her yes.  Explain the abuse and drugs and so on to the judge.  Have it written down at least the key points so you remember everthing you want to say to the judge that way you don't leave anything out.    \nAlso for your peace of mind, I would suggest you talk to a therapist or member of clergy to help you deal with your feelings about him and his behaviors.  \nSomeday you will find that special someone who will love you and your son.  He will be the best person for you and your son.  \nBest of luck
889110
You should discuss this with a lawyer.  Your wife should not be able to keep you from seeing your children without some sort of legal protection.  And from what you described, there doesn't seem to be any reason for that.  Definitely get a lawyer.
1002633
I have had a similar problem because my husband died when my son was 10 years old--maybe it was even worse, because my son wanted to be the "man" in the house.\n\nFirst and foremost, if your son is on some kind of drug, then punishment will not work at all--you will have to take more drastic steps.  Before you take any steps, sit down with your son and talk to him---not about drugs/alcohol, but ask him what exactly is bothering him so much that he feels the need to fit in with the crowd.  Maybe that will lead to a more in depth discussion on why he chose to do drugs.  Because, as you can imagine, once he realizes his own problem, there is a chance to fix it.  Just keep in mind that he is a teenager, they will not listen to our preaching, they do feel invincible, they feel they are in control---"it can't happen to me" kind of thing.\n\nIf you can get your son to talk about what is bothering him, the next step would be to involve his father, because it is important to decide togherther on what to do next and how to go about the rest.\n\nSince I did not have a husband any longer I decided to find a parenting support group.  That's where I got a lot of help and that might help you too.  Bringing my problems to this group helped me inasmuch that I was able to change the way I approached my teen, and it also helped me find solutions.\nI enrolled my son in a counseling program and with the help of the counselor decided that it was best to have my son admitted to a hospital for children who resorted to alcohol and drugs.  My son was able to communicate with other children about his problems, got good counseling there, and made the decision that drugs were not for him.  He was uptset that I put him there, but I dealt with that, because the most important thing to me was that my son got all the help necessary out there and it was worth every penny spent, because he is totally away from drugs, was able to join the military, is married now. So when considering your options consider that IF he is on drugs, he will not be able to get out of that alone.\n\nIf he is not seriously on drugs---a drugtest will reveal that(and depending on your insurance it might even be paid for by them), then I really would suggest that you look for a parenting support group to get support and good ideas on how to deal with your teenage son.  I went to a group called Parents Anonymus, I have no idea if they still exist---if they don't, then you might consider starting a group of your own.  The support is important.  Teenage boys in particular are too often thinking that they are a man and do not need our guidance and advice.  Whatever you do, consider that punishment might only be temporarily.  \n\nAnother thing I did was enroll my son in karate---he told me years later that this really helped him to let off a lot of steam.  Teenagers want to have some sort of control, they don't have it because they are still under our care, so they do get very angry when we decide that something is not good for them, and then they do that very same thing, just to defy us.\n\nLastly, I did hear a report on the news not so very long ago that the reaction of teenagers is also hormone related.  Once they are in puberty, there is a constant up and down because their hormone input is not regulated by the brain yet.\n\nI do not know if this helped you, but I sure hope so and wish you the best of luck.
155931
This sounds like a terrible story, but is there a question in it somewhere?\n\nEDIT: Okay, let's try to figure out what the question is.  Are you trying to figure out how you can get your daughter back from your ex-husband?  If that's it, you really ought to talk to a lawyer...maybe you can find a decent one through the Bar Association that will do some pro bono work.  If you just aren't interested in working with lawyers, and you really want to involve this group in something as personal as this, you're going to have to post more details...and more *relevant* details (stick to the facts, ma'am).\n\nIf you want better answers, ask better questions and include more of the important details.  Things people might want to know are these:\n\nAre there any court orders right now?\n\nWhat state do you live in?\n\nWhy did your ex take your child, or at least why do you think he did or what did he tell you?\n\nHave there been any allegations of improper parenting on either side?  Any mental health issues on either side?  Drug use?  \n\nIf I'm guessing correctly at what you want to know, I just don't think you're going to be able to get the answers you need in this forum.