How serious would you view financial adultery?
965323
Depends on what happened - sudden illness might be a good excuse not to get mad, however I doubt it is the problem here- no reason to keep serious matters from your mate, esp if they involve selling the house to get out of debt that was hidden or otherwise lied about. Deception of any sort is a LIE and this is the ultimate deception if not outright betrayal of the mate.\n\nYes it would bother me. The usual reasons - gambling, drugs, etc., for this type of problem indicate that the mate would drag you down like a rock around a drowning person's neck. If the money was spent on an adulterous affair, that is bad also! \n\nYou'd never have anything - peace, security, trust (in your mate), as long as you were with this person, not even a home. You would have to wake up day to day not knowing what disaster awaited you. Even your health would suffer - the stress of the situation, no money for medical insurance or medical care because of mate's financial fiascoes - would make the situation a hell on earth.\n\nI'd rather live alone. If children are involved, the insecure environment would not be something good for them, not to mention the arguing etc that goes with it.
889989
To those who claim it's the mans fault, he should have to pay, forget that it takes two totally comitted people to have a marriage.\n\nWhen a woman stone-walls her feelings, expects her husband to mind read, uses him for nothing more than an ATM and someone convienient for squashing bugs, and then has an affair, I'm wonding how much it can really be the man's fault in a situation like this.\n\nBut the truth is, neither is totally innocent or totally guilty in a broken marriage.\n\nGiven that women file 2/3rd of all divorce actions in the US, and are pretty certain they will get the kids unless they are hard core criminals,  I often wonder the same things.\n\nNot all me who end up divorced are cheaters.  Many more times than folks would like to admit, it was mom cheating, and she still gets the kids and child support.\n\nHowever, there is hope.  At least in my case, she didn't get sole custody, and she didn't get the house or 1/2 of everything.  She only got 1/2 of what we accumulated during the marriage.  Since I had documents going back to when I married showing my net worth then, all of those assets came off the table when it came time to split the marital property. \n\nWhat I owned before was NOT marital property and mine to keep.\n\nFrankly, I'm better off financially now, 3+ years after her affair came out and she left.\n\nShe is worse off financially.  Sure, her life looks nice, luxury apartment, new VW Beetle.  But she is living paycheck to paycheck, not always having money to do anything other than stay in her apartment and stare at the walls.\n\nBefore, we went on a couple of vacations / year, Disney, Vegas, Mackinac Island, DC, Vancouver Island, etc.  Now, she stays home, or goes when her lover can come into town and take her somewhere.\n\nI"m sure she's not saving anything for retirement, as her apartment costs more than my mortgage before I get to deduct the interest and everything.  \n\nYes, I kept the home!  We bought it together and I kept the home.\n\nI do think women shut you out when they divorce you.  Actually, long before.\n\nThey don't get everything, I'm proof of that.  I still believe I did more right than wrong, and certainly didn't deserve the treatment I got during the marriage and divorce.  But I do believe that what goes around, comes around.\n\nHer lover left a 30 year marriage to be with her and travels extensively for his job.\n\nHe will cheat her, or since he's much older than me, she'll be changing his Depends pretty soon, and I'll laugh sitting with my hot red-headed woman at the unwise ex-wife who left me for all that fun.
589667
Good point, but first of all, we need to deal with adultery separately to murder and molestation.  The latter two are most definitely crimes, and society regards them as seriously now as it ever has done.  However, adultery is not in the same class, indeed, some, including me, would not call it a crime (I am not saying that makes it right or acceptable, just stating a fact).\n\nI note that you call adultery 'theft', but is it?  Theft usually involves the taking of anothers possession without their permission.  However, in adultery, one is not dealing in possessions, but people, and further more, people with free will - ie: one cannot steal another's partner because that partner's agreement is necessary.  It is not like stealing an object which has no say in the matter, adultery is a conscious and willing act on behalf of both parties involved.  Also, have you ever thought that, in some cases, adultery may be what keeps a marriage together?  Consider the younger wife of a much older husband - he has lost interest in the physical side of things and his wife is extremely frustrated.  It starts to cause problems in other aspects of their relationship, as she blames him for her frustration, and he feels guilty about it.  So, she takes a secret lover, her physical needs are satisfied, she no longer holds her husband responsible for her frustrations, and he thinking she is content with the way things are no longer feels guilty.  They still love each other in other ways.  Of course, the danger is in the secret lover becoming more important than the husband.  Just a thought.  \n\nOne also needs to consider motive.  Too complex an area to discuss here I feel.\n\nOverall though I do feel that as far as proper crimes are concerned, in the UK, we are not tough enough on criminals, and for a long time  the human rights of criminals have been considered at the expense of those of their victims.  Only recently have our politicians woken up to this fact, something society has been aware of, and complaining about for years!  How on earth people so out of touch with society can presume to govern us is beyond me!  But that is another topic entirely.
781845
I never have but I wouldn't expect too much out of a online affair. You really don't know anything about the person. Everything could be a lie.
890755
I don't know, but he sounds like an awful man (thank goodness for you that you are mvoing on). It sounds like he could be charged for bigamy.
221390
well i think if a married man cheat on his wife  he will cheat in his business he will steal, be bribed  and do them all. why? because if he cheated for sex (his pleasure)  he will cheat for money (pleasure too)do u like to have relation with a thief,,or criminal?\ni had a business partner once and i knew that he is cheating on his wife,,i broke the partnership as i could not trust him , if he does this to his family  why not to me and i am a stranger for him...\nBesides a woman who has relation withsomeone who is not hers, like a woman who grab a dress from a shopand does not pay for it  (because she does not afford it  or too lazy to work to afford it  , r u that kind  sorry)
735140
If married no problems but if just living together DO NOT have a joint bank acct,,,,Keep your money in your name and protect your butt,,,everything should be  split, 50/50 including sex,,,,smiles, Good Luck ps Money causes more problems than  any other subject and mode of living,
976072
It doesn't sound like a marriage made in heaven.  If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, then I would have to agree with you on that.  With skimpy facts here, I'd say that there is a rocky road ahead for that couple.
1160257
i would be plotting revenge....just remember, in a marriage.......WHAT'S HIS IS YOURS, AND WHAT'S YOURS IS YOURS. \ngood luck.
447044
why would you even want to continue a relationship with someone who is cheating on you?  That would be the first red flag.  the second red flag would be the restaurant experience.  Also, you shouldn't share bank accounts with someone your dating....thats kinda dumb.  if you have any common sense, you would cut your ties.
562412
heart attack, death at worst, years in prison and being somebody's "girlfriend" at best.\n\nnot worth it.
417293
Sure it counts as an affair but let me ask you this, are you a Yo-Yo? I mean she sends you away for 5 months and then all of a sudden has some Epiphany or a string and you come rolling back up it and she wants you back and then you are suppose to kick people out of your life and go back with her? Does she have your testicles in a jar and is holding them for ransom or did you get caught cheating on her in the beginning and that's what caused all this I want a divorce crap? Something tells me you are not giving us the whole story here Bud!!
731056
Yes but only if it is on the basis of abuse or adultery.
359244
Wron Question area. This is personal finance, not Romance.
414649
None! He'd have to get past his wife's 'hair-do' first...and that looks like a bird has nested in it..(all 7 K`s worth!!!)\n:-)
415072
I am going to disagree with most of your posters.  Is it wrong for you to like affairs....absolutely not.  You can't control the emotion, excitement, or feeling of the secretively in the whole idea of an affair.  Yet, while you asked if it was okay to like them the answer it is NO?  It is important to know that it is wrong to act on them morally.  Just like I may love robbing banks and the excitement of it but it doesn't mean that I should run out and do it.  Maybe you should find ways to suppress the excitement in sleeping around.  While bank robbery is illegal it can seldom be seen as illegal to have an affair too.  I wish you the best in your struggle with this.
590769
You see things in black and white but cheating is OK? I'm surprised that you have such a high opinion of this guy that is obviously cheating on his wife with you induldging in an emotional affair which by any definition is STILL an affair. Is love pulling you into that dreaded shade of grey and or the american double standard?\n\nHave your cake and eat it too eh? Use him as a "boy toy" and then send him home to his wife when you get bored of him? Sorry the whole friends with benefits is still a mystery to me, it sounds like you're just out to have your jollies hot on the heel of your seperation and all of this is just an emotional fix. \n\nMy advice? There are still plenty of single men you could have a meaningful as well as normal relationship with out there. Think of it, no guilt about getting caught, no worries about jealous wife syndrome putting you in peril. \nMy only wonder in all this is what happened to you in your romantic life that it would drive you to such extremes?\nGet on with your life and forget about this melodrama you've weaved around yourself.