time for a blonde joke?
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i give it a 9.9! it got me on the floor
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I put this one up earlier this week, but here goes:\n\n   The blonde os driving her car down a road going toward a larger city, and she's following a truck.  She then pases the truck and motions for him to pull over.  Both vehicles pull over, and the blode gets out of her car, walks up to the truck & taps on his window.  He rolls it down and she says, "Hi! My name is Becky and I thought I should tell you you're losing some of the load from the back of your truck."  He nods and then pulls away.  Another mile down the road she motions for him to pull over again, and both vehicles pull over again.  She again gets out of the car, goes up to the truck and tells the driver, "Hi!  My name's Becky and you're still losing stuff out of the back of the truck."  He again nods and pulls away.  They're now on the city limits of the city and approach the stop light.  The truck driver passes the car and motions for the blonde to pull over, and both vehicles pull off the road.  The driver gets out of the truck, walks up to the car & motions for the blonde to roll down her window.  She does, and he says, "Hi!  My name's Randy...you're driving in Iowa...and I drive a salt truck."
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A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."\n\nThe man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.\n\n"Yes, yes, anything," the blonde promised.\n"Well then, just follow me," said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door," the man said. She did. He then said, "Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper." She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out ..."he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead."\n\nThe blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said..........."Hello, mom can you hear me?"
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hope you like....\n\nA Blonde's Year in Review\n\n\nJanuary - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight\n\n\nFebruary - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels\n....Hello!!! ..... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!\n\n\nMarch - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6\nmonths......box said "2-4 years!"\n\n\nApril - Trapped on the Macy's escalator for hours after the power went out!!\n\n\nMay - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of\nwater won't fit into those little packets!!!\n\n\nJune - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.\n\n\nJuly -Lost breast stroke swimming competition . learned later,\nthe other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!\n\n\nAugust - Got locked out of my car in rain storm .car swamped\nbecause soft-top was open.\n\n\nSeptember - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???\n\n\nOctober - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.\n\n\nNovember - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!\n\n\nDecember - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!\n\n\nWhat a year!!
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A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for\nawhile,\nhe yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"\nThe bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that\njoke,\nsir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.\n2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.\n3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.\n4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.\n5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.\nNow think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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Blonde Jokes\n\nHow do you kill a blonde?.....\nScratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.\n\nHow did the blond explain how her helicopter crashed?\nShe said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.\n\nHow can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?\nThe green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.\n\nWhat's the advantage of being married to a blond?\nYou can park in handicapped zones.\n\nWhat happened to the blonde tap dancer?\nShe slipped off and fell down the drain.\n\nHow can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?\nIt is the one with the kickstand.\n\nWhere do you look for blonds' obituaries?\nUnder "Home Improvements."\n\nDid you hear about the blond who thought she discovered that\nshe had a twin brother?\nShe didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.\n\nDid you hear about the blond who never learned to water ski?\nShe couldn't find a lake with a slope.\n\nWhy couldn't the blond bob for apples?\nHer sister was using the toilet.\n\nA blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal her\nwindow seat?\nTell her all seats going to London are in the middle row.\n\nHow do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?\nTell her a joke on Wednesday.\n\nWhy did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?\nThe noise gave her a headache.\n\nWhy don't blonds have elevator jobs?\nThey don't know the route.\n\nDid you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?\nIt took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.\n\nDid you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000\nleagues under the sea?\nShe said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there\nwere so many teams.\n\nWhy did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?\nShe wanted to see what she looked like asleep.\n\nWhat does a postcard from a blonde’s vacation say?\nHaving a wonderful time. Where am I?\n\nWhy do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?\nToes go in first.\n\nWhy did the blond scale the chain-link fence?\nTo see what was on the other side.\n\nWhy did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?\nSo he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.\n\nWhy did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw\npuzzle in only six months?\nBecause on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."\n\nDid you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air?\nShe missed.\n\nA young blonde, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.\n"I'll just catch my own alligator," she told one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of shoes for free.\nLater the shopkeeper drove home. He spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, \nshotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in. She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement\nas she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.\n"Darn!" the blonde shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"\n\nA blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"\n\nThere is a blonde who goes into a store and says, "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" The guy said, "No, I don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home colors her hair red and goes back to the store. She says, "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says, "I don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home, colors her hair pitch black and goes back. She says, "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says," No I don't sell anything to blondes." She says, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" He says, "Only a blonde would think a micro
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Great Buddy. Women are really crazy\n\nAnother of that sort\n\nDeer Tracks\n\nThree blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!" \nThe second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" \nThe third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" \nThey were still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them. \n\nPain in the ...\nA young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it.\n"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."\nShe takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony.\nShe then pushes on her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams...and so it goes.\nNo matter where she touches her agony is apparent.\nThe doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?\nYou're really a blonde."\nShe sheepishly admits that indeed she is a blonde.\n"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."\n\nSkipping\nA blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."\n\nThe Muffler\nA blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. \n"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." \n"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!" \n\nBlonde in a boat\n\nThere was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”\n\nBlonde in a car\n\nA blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?'' \n''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.'' \nA couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.
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I have two: I love the second one.\nJoke #1\nA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"\n\nIn a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."\n\nOur bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"\n\nThe blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."\n-----------\n Joke #2\nTwo women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are\n comparing stories on how they died.\n\n 1st woman: I froze to death.\n\n 2nd woman: How horrible!\n\n 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the\n cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a\n peaceful death. What about you?\n\n 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected\n that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to\n catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by\n himself in the den watching TV.\n\n 1st woman: So what happened?\n\n 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there\n somewhere that I started running all over the house\n looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down\n into the basement. Then I went through every closet and\n checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had\n looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that\n I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!\n\n 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd\n both still be alive.
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Here's your answer, get ready, here comes a blond joke.\n\nThis Blond chick is really hard up for money, so she pleads to God "Please, God, help me!  Tomorrow they'll repossess my car, my mortgage is way past due and tomorrow the bank is going to foreclose, my bank account is empty, I got fired from work today, and when I got home, all of the utilities had been cut off for non-payment.  I can't even take a bath tonight.  Please God, let me win the lottery tonight, I'll do anything you ask, just PLEASE, PLEASE GOD, let me win the lottery tonight please?\nThe next morning she wakes up just in time to see her car being towed away.  There's a man in a suit on the front porch nailing up a foreclosure sign.  She realizes she didn't win the lottery.  So she again pleads to God, "Why?  Why?  I asked you so nicely to let me win the lottery.  I told you I'd do anything you ask.  So PLEASE tell me, WHY?  WHY?  Why didn't I win the lottery?\nAnd a voice speaks from heaven and says "You need to meet me halfway, you got to buy a ticket first."
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haha blonde jokes may be degrading to women but i'm brunette so i don't care! good sh*t man.
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Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?\nA: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
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He leans over to the big woman\nnext to him and says,\n"Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"The big woman replies,\n"Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something.\nSure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder.\nThe blonde woman sitting next to me is 6' 2" and 220 lbs;\nshe's an ex-pro wrestler.\nNext to her is a blonde\nwho's 6' 5",weighs 250 lbs.,\nand she's a kick boxer professional.\nNow, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"The guy blinks, swallows, and thinks about it for a second\nthen says;\n"No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."!
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BECAUSE IT'S BLONDE LOL
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Funny! :)\nI got it right away, Raveman you must be more of a blonde than I am!
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I like blonds. I do not believe that they are stupid. Some blonds like them too.\n\n\n\n\n# Mom is dead!\n\nA blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all of his employees well being, asked sympathetically, "What’s the matter?"\nTo which the blonde replies....."Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my other had passed away."\nThe boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don’t you go home for the day.....we aren’t terribly busy now. Just take the day off to relax and rest."\nThe blonde very calmly states......"No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."\nThe boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.... "If you need anything, just let me know."\nWell, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking,\n"What’s so bad now........are you gonna be ok??" \n"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"\n\n---x---\n\n# Want me to paint for you?\n\nA blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.\n\n"I'm here for the paint job," she said.\n\n"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."\n\nThe blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.\n\nAfter she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a Porsche out back. It's a new BMW.\n\n---x---\n\n# Are You Really Sure?\n\nA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"\n\nIn a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."\n\nOur bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"\n\nThe blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."\n\n---x---\n\n# Three blonds on death row\n\nThree women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.\n\nTwo guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."\n\nSuddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.\n\nThe angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."\n\nThe redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.\n\nBy this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."\n\nThe blonde shouts, "fire!!"\n\n---x---\n\n# In the bus\n\nTwo bowling teams chartered a Double-Decker bus to go to a tournament. One group was all blonde one group was all brunette. The brunettes rode on the bottom and the blondes on top. The brunettes we
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lol why does it have to be a blonde?? i like bdk9913's answer.
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OH YEAH?!\n\n\nBlonde Jokes:\n\nThe Top 10 Dumb Blonde Inventions (11-18, I made Up and Found On Internet):\n\n1) Waterproof Towel\n2) Solar-Powered Flashlight\n3) Submarine Screen Door\n4) A Book On How To Read\n5) Inflatable Dart Board\n6) Dictionary Index\n7) Helicopter Ejector Seat\n8) Powdered Water\n9) Designer Camouflage\n10) Waterproof Tea Bag\n11) Wireless Dog Leash\n12) Silent Car Alarm\n13) Glass Hammer\n14) Brick Window\n15) See-Through Swimsuit\n16) Pet Rock\n17) Wooden Soap\n18) Pedal-Powered Wheel Chair\n\nMore Jokes:\n\nQ: How do blonde brain cells die ? \nA: Alone. \n\n\nQ: How do you change a blonde's mind? \nA: Blow in her ear. \n\nQ: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? \nA: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! \n\nQ: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? \nA: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. \n\nQ: How did the blonde die ice fishing? \nA: She was run over by the zamboni machine. \n\nQ: How do you get a blonde to marry you? \nA: Tell her she's pregnant. \n\nQ: How does a blond spell farm? \nA: E-I-E-I-O \n\nQ: How does a blond kill a fish? \nA: She drowns it. \n\nQ: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? \nA: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. \n\nQ: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? \nA: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. \n\nQ: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125? \nA: a foursome. \n\nQ: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? \nA: An air bag. \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? \nA: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. \n\nQ: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? \nA: Trying to hold on to a thought. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? \nA: Because it said 'concentrate'. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? \nA: She wanted to go on a round trip. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? \nA: She thought it was diet coke. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? \nA: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? \nA: The noise gave her a headache. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? \nA: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? \nA: She heard that the drinks were on the house. \n\nQ: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? \nA: They don't know the route. \n\nQ: Why do blondes work seven days a week? \nA: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. \n\nQ: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? \nA: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. \n\nQ: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? \nA: Elvis has been sighted. \n\nQ: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? \nA: Some traffic signs say stop. \n\nQ: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? \nA: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. \n\nQ: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? \nA: She turned it over and used the other side. \n\nQ: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? \nA: Thanks for the refill. \n\nQ: How does a blonde commit suicide? \nA: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. \n\nQ: How do you plant dope? \nA: Bury a blonde. \n\nQ: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? \nA: Wave to her. \n\nQ: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? \nA: With a tire gauge! \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? \nA: Shine a flashlight in their ear. \n\nQ: How do you kill a blonde? \nA: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do blondes pierce their ears? \nA: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do you drown a blond? \nA: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bott