Is it horrible of me to want to send my step-son away?
962836
No it is not wrong that you feel that way. You are just being honest about your feelings. I also had to deal with a stepson who did all those same things, and even though we had custody of him at that time, I finally saw that counceling was not helping him. He just seemed to want to do what he wanted and showed no remorse for his actions. I decided that if he stayed there, he was going to destroy my marriage, rob me blind, make me or his dad loose our job from having to take off work to go to the school, or hurt one of our other kids. So, we did send him to his mothers.\n\nAs horrible as it sounds, I felt such relief once he left.  You simply can not allow one child, your own or step, to ruin your family, especially if there are other children involved. Those children can not be sacrificed for the sake of one troubled child. Perhaps, the troubled children need help that they can not get while living in that household.
1026325
To be honest no body really knows how it feels unless they are actually in the situation because when it comes to talking in terms of advice, any1 can do it ... i know it must be hard on you but you can still keep intouch with your stepfather and you should accept your mothers husband as her husband just beacuse you love her so much and you want her to be happy. She wouldn't want to see you upset beacause of her.  At the end of the day every1 grows and moves on in general... your step father must love you very much and the best thing is that you can still see him and talk to him you are not forbidden to do so ... but you have to accept that maybe your mother wasn't so happy with her husband as you were with your new father... your mother deserves to be happy and so do you ... \n\ni wish you all the best and God Bless
479344
Yes. You need to communicate better with the son, and your girlfriend. If you tell someone you are going to be somewhere, but something comes up, call and say so. Perhaps the 2 of you weren't on the same page. You thought she'd be ok, and she thought you'd be with her. Nobody's wrong, you just didn't see the situatuion the same way. That's called life. Right now, or as soon as possible, go over to their house. Sit the mom and son down. tell them that you know they are feeling slighted, but they need to know that wasn't at all your intention. You were overwhelmed with responsibility at the time, and you should ALL do a better job expressing expectations. A SIMPLE CALL FROM EITHER ONE OF YOU TO PUT YOURSELVES "ON THE SAME PAGE". Even if you disagree, at least the other person will know where you stand and know that there was no bad intention. the son actually sounds like a pretty good communicator for his age!!! Tell them that you love them and you feel terrible that they were upset.Often, when we take the responsibility, it opens up the other person's eyes to the fact that this was not something that you should turn into a bad situation, and we are all human.\nBy theway, the $ issue. tell her exactly what you told us. tell her you'd love to lavish her like the queen she is to you, and give her lots of attention.
277439
i know this is a hard situation, but think of the kids. if he doesn't want to see them and doesn't even feed them when they go, don't send them.  it will be very difficult for them but in time they will see that he is very bad for them and they are better off without him.  kids are resilient, be strong and be there for your children and love them a little extra to fill the void in their lives they may feel at the moment.  god bless and my prayers are with you and your children.
766613
When I became a stepmother, (many moons ago) I had the same problem.  The youngest actually liked me quite a bit, cause she wasnt old enough to understand the breakup of her parents, but the oldest who was 12, he knew.  He didnt necessarily blame me, as I came much later, after the breakup.  However he didnt really like me either.  One day, the school called cause he had gotten into trouble.  I went instead of his dad (or mom) neither of them knew.  Then I handled the situation on my own without "ratting" on him.  From that point on, he liked me.  I had been "on his side" and that meant alot to him.  An opportunity such as this may just come to you if you watch for it.  Every little bit counts in a step situation.  I wish you lots of love and fun in your new family :)
1059849
i know how you feel.  except mine is a 3 year old tantrum king!  spouse is deployed and we're far from home so i feel your pain...almost like being a single parent.  i enrolled him in a day program.  i feel like such a better parent when i see him.  i have a chance to miss him.  he is soooo feisty and just an all around boy he drives me nuts so having him burn his energy for 4 hours a day and then coming home...he's nice and relaxed and doesn't fight me when it's bed time.   also, you probably heard the saying.....terrible 2's, horrible 3's......lol
839104
No since you are married, you have suitable care for your son while youre away. If questions come up tell the court its only temporary til you find another job. Not alie as no job is permanent. But I see no problem here.
791359
God knows i wouldnt want to instigate any crisis, but ask yourself... what are you afraid of? is he going to physically hurt you if you try to go?  will he disown you and/or make your life hell upon your return?  you are an adult  human being with as much choice and freedom as the rest of us, and life as well as your family are too precious to waste accomodating someones insecurities.  ESPECIALLY if he has given you reason to leave him twice, and you are obviously only staying for the child, which could be affecting him a lot more than you see.\n\n\nthink of what is literally and physically holding you back from doing what is right for you and your family\n are you completely dependent on him for shelter and food for you and your kid, and if you are... learn to be self sufficient, hopefully he wont be around forever to take care of you
84940
I HATE my step dad!! I love my dad but my step dad is a frikin complainer! cant stand him at all. he gets on my last nerve!! If he waz my dad i wud die! need some advice on my question, think u cud help? plese ): thanx
1130966
my husband has a child with his ex that is one month older than ours. IT IS HARD. but i love my stepson as much as i do my kids and i have always told my husband i would never come between him and his other son he even stays with him when he is sick and just got back from a week long trip with his ex wife and son it was for his son medical reason but i wouldnt have it any other way. Just becase he has a child already dosent mean yalls wont be as special this will be his child with YOU the woman he loves and that will make all the difference trust me and if you need anyone to talk to im here and know excatly what you are going thru just email or im me.
855017
He's obviously an @ss, I would get some psychological help for your son as soon as possible so he doesn't end up with abandonment issues and blaming himself for his biological (only) father not wanting to see him. Good riddance to him, sorry for you and your son.
936601
When I left my first husband, he chose to punish me by refusing to visit our son. Our son is 22 and his dad hasn't seen him since he was 18 months old. You can't force the dad to suddenly becaome a good person when he isn't, but you can affect your son psychologically by how you deal with it.  I guarantee your son doesn't care about the paperwork. If there is a man who is treating him like a son, that's good enough for a healthy self-image. Even if there isn't, you can keep him healthy if you keep a healthy attitude yourself. Be very careful that signing over parental rights isn't about YOU punishing your ex.
692292
You haven't said anything that makes it sound as if you should take him back.  And as Dr. Phil says, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one.  Why on earth would you want to take him back if he hasn't been good to you and your kids?  And what's the story with your husband - are you still with him or planning on leaving him?
353654
In all honesty, I hope that for the sake of the kids, you make the right decision. Being that you have two of his off spring, your decision will be one that will not only affect you, but him too, and most of all it will affect the two boys when they get older, but also at the same time as a mother your first order of conduct is to protect your children regardless of whether he wants to be with you or not, in addition, if he loved you that bad to tell you that you should of stopped him, then he should of never left in the first place.\n\nAlso being the fact that he has children from another woman and is married to her, then I can honestly tell you that she will probally be the one to keep him and until he leaves her you will have a major problem getting any kind of support from him to help with the raising of the two boys.\n\nIf I were you I would forget about getting with him, regardless if you love him or not, as I said earlier, your first responisibilty is your two boys, for their sake and for yours too, you should file for sole custody of the two boys and also file with your county for child support, in addition to that you should find yourself another man, one who will accept your children and you too, there are plenty of men who can not have children and are always looking for females that have kids already.\n\nI hope and wish you the best of luck in this matter, and if you would like I would like to stay in touch with you to give you moral support, in addition to that I can also give you my friendship, and see where it goes from there.\n\nplease email me back and let me know how things are going for you from time to time.\n\nrichardaguilar402@yahoo.com\n\nGood luck and Congradulations on your two boys.....
1128073
I feel for you.  You were put in a tough situation, however, since it seems that u would be the main caretaker of the little girl, i would refuse to do it.  I would explain that you would much rather have your step son stay, but since that can't happen that maybe his mom could keep the little girl if she wants to help out the parents so much.  Thus giving both children playmates for the summer also.    I don't think you're being unresonable at all.  I wouldn't do it and like u said...although a small break, it is a break and why burden yourself with a child that belongs to neither of you for the whold summer?  Maybe compromise by agreeing to a week if that.....Good luck!
938138
I am a step mom to my husbands three children and he to my 3 children.  We both felt that when we married the other would have that right.  We each feel that if done in a proper way that the other should have that right.  We went thru the you are not my mom or dad things and that's ok but in the end what ever punishment was handed out was still there.  I do so because I want them to turn out to be responsible adults.  That's how we learn in life is by the punishments and rules in life are handed down by our parents and weather they are biological parents you will find rules suck but they have to be followed.  That's what works for us. I am mainly the one at home most with our last son at home so even though I am his step mom I punish more than his dad.  He does not like it sometimes but does abide by what I say.  Wish you lots of luck sweety!
545605
If  man loves YOU, he will accept YOUR child(ren) as well. Y'all ARE a package deal, right. Some men are family men and would rather be a part of a family unit. Sometimes the step father can be a better role model, influence, teacher, etc. than the biological father. Maybe you and him could have a child together to "complete" the family unit.\n\nMy  ex-husband adopted my oldest son at 3 years old, he was a much better father than his biological father could even dream of being. When my ex died almost 4 years ago from lung cancer, we were at the funeral home, I got word that my son's biological father was on his way up to pay his last respects, I was freaking out thinking it would cause issues within the family. So, I asked my son how he felt about his donor coming up, I reassured my son that he had the last word (my son was almost 17) and if he was uncomfy to let me know and I would ask him (his donor) to leave. My son said to me "Billy can come here if he wants, he's not my dad, my dad is inside in the casket". \n\nMy boyfriend and I have only been together about 5 month's now. He's wonderful with my son's. Often, I pay attention to the way he interacts with my kid's and it amazes me that he's better with my youngest son than his own father was prior to his death (suicide).\n\nSo my point is, sometimes it's the greatest thing to have another parent to love our children.\n\nGood luck!!\n\nPS\nIf you plan to build a life with this man, you MUST teach your child(ren) that the step parent IS to be respected and don't allow your kid(s) to tell your man "your not my dad" when they are in trouble.