I cut myself to release emotional pressure. I'm 31 now and when l was 9yrs old l was abused. Life has been?
959318
Everything that has been said so far is amazing, so I won't elaborate much. \nI was emotionally abused as a child, and at the ripe old age of 22 have experienced the spectrum of eating disorders, emotional problems and, of course, medications. As a function of my self-hatred, I began to cut myself a couple years ago. I have since stopped, but still have times where I struggle.\n\nI used cutting as a way to 'come down' from a state of manic anxiety, panic or just emotional pain in general. I definitely recommend getting help through a psychiatrist/psychologist, and embarrassing as you may find it, reach out to anyone that you are close to so that you will have a support system in your time of need. \n\nFrom my experience, I recommend that you try to take the feelings that push you to self-harm and express them another way, that mimics the release of cutting. This may seem silly to some people, but what worked for me was hitting inanimate objects... beating the crap out of my bed, tearing up magazines, etc. Although this does not completely satisfy the urge to cut, it can get out some of the excess adrenaline and frustration that may be fueling your urge in the first place. One other thing that worked for me was to imagine that it was my own child or someone I love who was cutting... to imagine the precious skin and flesh of someone else being mutilated and what a mockery it is of how amazing we are... try to think of your body as your shelter and a precious friend that you want to protect...\n\nI hope this helps... I haven't cut in a long time, and I'm glad that I stopped (even though I still struggle with the same old demons). I look at my scars with a sense of sadness and protectiveness... as a reminder that destroying myself is not productive or beneficial. \n\nAnd always know that you are loved :) Always.
375844
lalapetal, I would sugest that you talk to someone about this. Is there somekind of counselor you can seek? Some kind of suport groups in your area? I once told that I need to let it go and give it to god. But sometimes it stays with us and find it hard to accept things and forgive others. If you dont want to seek help then please seek a forum that can suport you.. google for some abuse forum, there are some good ones out there. You need to def talk to someone about this so you can begin to heal... this is the first step...
371646
I was abused everyday for 11 years out of my 12 by the same boy. (HE wasnt at my school during my tenth year... My best year) anyway He was at my bus stop and it seemed like we had lunch time together every year and he was a grade younger than me. He failed. He would toss stuff at me and my friends, make rumors and signs up about me, pin me to a wall with all his guy friends around watching, and the list is too long to say but when i went for help time after time i was told "oh just let it go" finally i bipassed the principle i was assigned and went to the whole schools Principle which turned out to be a mistake. This kid was on the football team and the Principle was the head football coach and he said to me and i quote "Your just jealose of the attention that football players get, you need to get a hobby, besides he has a tough home life that you probably dont, He is just venting his feelings of aggression." Now i had no care in the world about his home life just because he was being abused didnt give him the right to do it to me. Anyway 4 years after high school i got on a buss to go see my parents because my fiance was working late... I hadnt been picked on since high school and had not heard much about him besides a bad bar fight he had gotten into. well who comes on the buss but him. I immediatly looked down and got fearful and i thought please dont let him notice me. And for my shock he sat down and started talking to me about him going to college and asked me questions of what i had been doing. Talked to me like we were best friends. My mom and dad couldnt believe that i didnt take the oportunity to tell him what he had done to me all those years. The only thing i can think of WHy it happened on my part is that i was heavy and quick to defend my friends. He got a reaction he was looking for
682672
Let all that pressure and pain out another way. Try to find the courage to tell someone what you are doing. This doesn't have to be an adult. A close friend is good. If you cannot bring yourself to instigate this 'confession', turn the tables. If you are asked, admit it. And be honest to yourself about the reasons why you are doing it. Trust me - it will be a relief and only after admitting it will you be able to find other outlets and a way to mend the pain that is causing you to feel the need to self-mutilate.\n\nA great outlet is acknowledgeing how you feel and sharing this with someone else. Just having someone else understand is a huge release. Also knowing you are not the only one doing this.  And the feeling of being unburdened...\n\nYou are not mad so do not worry about what others might think. Find someone to confide in - it really will help.
1079101
I was in an abusive marriage for 32 stupid years. I was taught that you stick it out no matter what. So I did. I wasted my whole life. The only thing I did get out  of the marriage was 2 wonderful children. They never knew what was going on. My husband rarely abused me when they were around.\n\nBut by the time the kids were in there teens, they would ask why I was taking the verbal and mental abuse they heard. Then I got tired of apologizing for his attitude all the time to others.\n\nI watched every thing that I could on abuse and self improvement, on T.V.\n\nWhen my dad, (who was like my husband) passed away, I saw my mom actually be happy. Kind of like Whooppee!!!!! That for me, made me decide that I would rather spend at least one year of my life HAPPY than another forty years miserable. So went to women's resource centre and asked alot of questions.  Less than 6 months later, I left. I went to a women's transition home, to get some time  on my own with counsellors, and then got my own apartment. \n\nI have never looked back. That was just over 2 1/2 years ago. I have really never been happier. A year ago I refound an old friend and neighbour, that is divorced and we have been together since, enjoying life.
446301
I know where you are at. Self injuring is a way to deal with pain and hurt. It seems easier to deal with the physical pain of cutting than the emotional pain of your hurt. This IS normal, but try to find someone to talk to. I used to cut myself when I was younger. I had a tough childhood and some really rocky relationships with boyfriends. Cutting felt good. I am married now. I do not cut anymore or think about hurting myself. I have a beautiful baby girl who is 10months old. I spoke to counselors and friends. You may not think so now, but they can be so benificial to your healing. \nMy husband knows of my past and of my cutting. My scars are a reminder of what USED to be. I was really depressed. At times when I look at my scars, I wish I hadnt have taken that razor and sliced my beautiful skin. But I did. I did what I did. I talked to my friends and family about my pain and they accepted it. Your friends/family will come around. They are acting that way towards you now because they don't understand. HELP them understand. REACH OUT to someone. I have never met you but I can tell you that EVERYONE is beautiful and unique in their own way. YOU are OK! If you have a family physician, try talking to them. TEll them you are feeling depressed. They maybe able to prescribe something for the chemical imbalance. It's NOT YOUR FAULT that you are depressed. A great majority of the world is depressed. And go figure with all the crap thats going on in the world today.\n\nRemember....ITS NOT YOUR FAULT...and you are NOT a freak!\nTake care...it WILL get better...
492980
hey whats up? i have depression and take depression medication, but i never got to the point where i can hurt myself. Hun, listen, noone can help you .. YOU have to help YOURSELF .. instead of cutting urself doing something else... gooo run around your town (make sure u tell someone where you are) goo to the gym ... but cutting yourself won't solve anything..if someone messages you calling you dumb, don't pay attention .. they're the dumb ones.\n\nPhsyciatrist are good for when you need advice and you need someone to talk to, but only you can help yourself, noone else. Believe in yourself. \n\nif you ever feel depressed.. u can email me babychellinha@yahoo.com <-- thats also my yahoo ID, Instant message me if you need to!!\n\ni hope i was good help\n\ntake care of yourself and i hope i helped a little.\n\nbye! take care\n\n<3 CHEllE
837650
Yea, it is sad that your family thinks that your cutting is a problem to them and worst that you dont seem to understand why it could be their problem. Strange, isnt it. Looking after you, feeding you, giving you a life to live, education (i assume they send you to school), not to mention above all this, that, your mom had you in her stomach for nine months, brought you out to this world, looked after every part of you...and its sad, to think that you cannot see why they would really think cutting your own body, and having over 500 visible scars, from the age of 12, is a problem to them. I wonder if you ever thought on how it would be if your mom felt that you were a problem and decided not to have you at all.......you wouldnt be here at this moment typing out this question...realise that ?\n\nAnd you think you should stop cos' your little niece would ask you why the scars ? That is if you are recognisable by the time your little niece grows up. You are 18, and by the time your niece grows up to ask you, I wonder if you would have any place left wihtout a scar for her to recognise you. But then, atleast you have realised you have to stop. Yes, you have to stop. You have a problem, and you need help. You have to start being more expressive, and control yourself from expressing it on your body by cutting yourself. \n\nNo one can give you a professional advise here. And everyones advise would be the same. Stop. Listen. Talk / express more, see a therapist and do positive things. Do anything it takes to get you better. Just about anything positive, which will not bring you shame at the age of 80, look back and you want to throw up on yourself.\n\ngood luck.
1134899
Its very hard for people especially women when at very young ages, they are molested or secretively followed by men trying to rape them. That's the worst women and girls face these days. And its the same case with most girls exactly what happened with you while you were 10. That's very sad. I'm sorry about that. But, still I'd recommend that what I'm about to advice you will be of great importance to you right now. You need to visit a counselor or a psychologist to assist you in getting sleep and to get you out of sleeping whilst the television is on and that its hard for you to sleep without it. Try talking to your mother repeatedly about your problem and also try consulting a good psychologist or psychytrist to give you guidance. You will have to cooperate with them at the same time and also to get good help at this age. I understand your problem seriously but you at the same time need consultation for your sleep at this age as you have to fight back bravely and that you have the capability inside you to aid you in getting out of this situation. Goodluck in life and also just prey to God to help you in life.
372080
Wow, I'm SO PROUD OF YOU!  You are mature beyond your years!\n\nSometimes, we risk others being mad at us when we do things to help.  This is very serious, and you definitely did the right thing.  If she does find out, and gets mad, it will be hard for you, but not as hard, as you said, as if she were to seriously harm herself.  I hope you told an adult.  If it continues, and the adult doesn't do anything,  you need to keep trying until someone does help her. \n\nSomeday she will know that you were a true friend to her.  Hopefully, you won't have to deal with her anger.\n\nGOD Bless You!
628544
although i wasn't abused as a child, i had a terrible experience when i was a teenager, i was date raped. i understand what you're going through and i know it hurts alot but you need to find the strength to move on with your life. anger and hate won't take you anywhere, it'll just make you bitter and it won't give you peace. i know what i'm talking about cuz i too dwelled on with my past for the longest time and i almost ruined my life. \ndon't worry though, better days is just around the corner, you just have to hold on and work on to getting well again my friend.\ni'll pray for your recovery!\nGod speed\n\np.s.\ntry to read this book: your past does not define your future by bo sanchez (this book is published in the philippines). this book has really helped me alot.
722618
dont worry. i had to have mine purposly sliced when i was 8. if it's that bad, ask them to put that stuff..forgot the name, it makes you not feel anything.
1123607
The things that have happened to you are terrible and of course it is abuse.  You really need a trusted adult to help you.  The fact that you were able to post on here means that you are ready to get the help you need.  I'm a licensed psychiatric social worker and I came from a really crappy upbringing too.  My dad was physically abusive and my mom was pretty depressed and didn't stop him.  I managed to get past the abuse and lead a productive life but even today, I remember the abuse and have to deal with the feelings surrounding it.  You are too young and your life is too precious to be lost in the cycle of child abuse.  The sooner you get help the more likely you are to move on successfully with your life.  You don't need your parents permission to seek counseling.  School counselors are an option.  I recognize that trusting adults right now is probably difficult and I'm sure you still love your parents to some extent.  What you need to understand is that if your parents are abusing or neglecting you, they are sick too and need help.  Right now you need to realize that you are worth saving and not all adults are bad.  Your life can and WILL get better.  I don't know where you live and what resources are available there but I would be happy to help you in anyway I can.  Please feel free to email me if you need more help or someone to talk to.  My email is jazzy_59602@yahoo.com.  Please stay safe and reach out to someone.
465825
Truthfully I was attacked by a female when I was 24. She found out I was sexually abused as a child and when I met up with her the next time, she told her daughter she wasn't allowed to play with  my daughter because "people who were abused, abuse others". I confronted this woman by telling her I would rather cut off my right arm than harm a child and how dare she place such a devastating label on me, especially to her 4 year old daughter! I called her a bitch when she wouldn't apologise. The next thing I know, she hit me in the face with a coffee mug. The next ten minutes, I beat the living idiocy out of her and it took four guys to get me off of her.\n\nI have been hurt verbally in my life and I can deal with it, but, you hit me and Michelle From Hell comes out!\n\nTen years later, her daughter became a drug addict, the mother lost her looks, money and career because of drinking and their entire family is messed up. Mine on the other hand is great! Well, except for my illness. \n\nCat fight? Well, how about the second (I have only fought twice) fight. I packed a nice picnic lunch, went to my boyfriends house to get him and find him having sex with my best friend in a van I loaned him!\n\nI said a few choice words and when that "woman" threw a big gulp coke at me and hit me with the cup, I took her by the hair, naked, and rubbed her face in the dirt like the dirty little piggy she was. \n\nThey both were written out of my life that very day. No loss.\n\nHope these were good reasons to beat the snot out of someone.\n\nOh...and I wouldn't call this a fight but, a man was trying to pull me out of my van to rape me and I cut him across the hand with the ever present knife I kept at the time. I don't run in bad circles, this guy was a stranger on the street.\n\nSliced his palm wide open and would do it again to protect myself!\n\nSo, that said, attack me and the poop hits the proverbial fan.
374629
It is not understood really how many people actually do this but its thousands and thousands. Don't worry your not daft neither stupid. Dont listen to people that say its for attention!\n\nYoung people who self-harm have often had very difficult or painful experiences or relationships. These may include:\n\nBullying or discrimination. \nLosing someone close to them such as a parent, brother, sister or friend.\nLack of love and affection or neglect by parents or carers. \nPhysical or sexual abuse. \nA serious illness that affects the way they feel about themselves. \nOther young people may start to self-harm as a way of dealing with the problems and pressures of everyday life. Pressure can come from family, school and peer groups to conform or to perform well (for example in getting good exam results). Young people can be made to feel angry, frustrated or bad about themselves if they cannot live up to other people's expectations.\n\nYoung people who self-harm may have low self-esteem. For some this is linked to poor body image, eating disorders, or drug misuse. Understanding why young people self-harm involves knowing as much as possible about their lives and lifestyles.\n\nPeer pressures may occasionally be the most important reason for self-harm.Young people may find themselves among friends or other groups who self-harm and may be encouraged or pressurised to do the same. \n\n\nSelf-harm as a way of coping\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n \nExtreme feelings of fear, anger, guilt, shame, helplessness, self-hatred, unhappiness, depression or despair can build up over time. When these feelings become unbearable, self-harm can be a way of dealing with them.\n\nReasons young people have given for their self-harm include:\n\nWhen the level of emotional pressure becomes too high it acts as a safety valve - a way of relieving the tension. \nCutting makes the blood take away the bad feelings. \nPain makes them feel more alive when they feel numb or dead inside. \nPunishing themselves relieves feelings of shame or guilt. \nWhen it's too difficult to talk to anyone, it's a form of communication about their unhappiness - a way of saying they need help. \nSelf-harm is something they can control when other parts of their life may seem out of control. \n\nFeel free to ask me questions.
1121220
Looks like you are holding grudge against people in your past. \n\nWhy, my friend, are you hurting yourself when these "people" may not even remember any of those incidents. You are causing pain to no one else but yourself.\nJust forget. You had no control over those incidents.
153027
NO you are def. not stupid for cutting, it's not the best way to relieve your stress, try punching a pillow or listening to your fav. singer, but cutting is really bad. You keep wanting to go deeper and longer, and then the blood just runs and what if you can't stop the blood, then you may be scared to tell someone that you are bleeding to death, and by then it's to late b/c by the time they have found you your passed out on the floor in a puddle of blood. Plus the scars some of them never go away and then they are there for life and if people see them some know or some ask and then you are embarassed or you lie (which is not nice). Plus if you have kids and they by any chance see you do it then they can get this habit, and that makes you feel bad, and then you cut again b/c you feel bad that they do it.\n\nBut again you are NOT stupid for doing it you just need to find another solution, talk to someone you trust, go to a counselor, get some meds. read up on what you are doing. I read the book called a bright red scream and it helped alot.