Will I ever love him as my son? Advice to a stepfather.?
958941
Your feelings are normal- he is not your biological son, and I assume you do not have any children to compare your feelings to.  Not everyone is capable of loving unconditionally- which is what you would have to be capable of doing for her boy- just like if you adopted a 7 year old boy.  This is not to say that you will not "grow" to love him- and you already do, but in a different way then you would a child of your own, which is okay.  Enjoy your relationship with her and him, and dont sweat your feelings for him- he's probably just happy to have a "step dad" in his life that he can relate to.  Good luck, and dont worry.............
945765
I have a stepson in addition to my own two and, therefore, a blended family.  Unfortunately, abandonment at the hands of his biological mother has left him emotionally stunted, and he has had some trouble making appropriate attachments to the other members of the family.  However, through regular one-on-one and family interaction (slow and steady wins the race) he has really come around.  I won't lie; it can be difficult beyond belief to raise someone else's child.  But if you can learn to identify your kids' individual and collective needs and deal with them accordingly, you'll come to understand that having a blended family is really not all that different from having a regular nuclear family.  Extra parents (his mom, her dad) can pose extra trouble and can seem like they are running interference a lot of the time, but remember - this is YOUR family.  Love and patience, hon.  THAT'S the name of the game...ANY game.  G-d speed.
883491
Well to me it would depend on how long you've been together.  I'm ASSUMING a very very long time if you go so far as to call the boy your "stepson" as otherwise that would not be appropriate.  So since you've been together so long and love the boy as your son I would have to say why would you not go with them?  The fact that you are questioning going is reason enough to me to not go - at least not for now.  Maybe let them go and get settled.  Then see how things pan out once his real mother gets out of prison.
151130
this is tough. Your only get one soulmate in a lifetime. Both of you though have families. You said you live with your childrens father you didnt say husband or boyfriend so is it that you live together but you are not together? this is really something you and your soulmate need to dicuss if this is how both of you feel. It's a tough thing. You having to choose with taking care of responsibility to your children and he to his wife or do you stay true to your heart and be together  and get through everything together. It is really something both of you have to discuss. Sometimes a person makes a mistake and marries someone they may care for but who isnt their soulmate. So both of you do need to talk and decide what you will choose to do. It is a tough choice but that is also how you know if its meant to be because if this is something you can get through than you know you made it. I wish you the best and may you recieve your hearts desire.
1076682
First honey I want to commend you on changing your life!!! Next you deserve better, for yourself and for the kids. You never let a man belittle you and take your pride and dignity away. I know that you love him and yes it will hurt if you decide to leave him but sweetheart it hurts even more being there and putting up with his crap. Evidently he has no respect for the mother of his child because he's calling you out of your name. Always remember you deserve better and you don't have to tolerate it. LOVE yourself and those babies. Build your self-esteem up because it seems he's tearing it down. I have been up this road before and its no fun. You don't know why he treats you like this then ask him, but there is no excuse if he loves you.\n\nI can't sit here and tell you to leave him all I can say is follow your heart, do what you think is best for your life. If he can't let go of the past then he won't change you can't not change the past all you can do is continue to move forward.\n\nI wish you the best in life and whatever decision you make good luck. Keep your head up and continue to progress for yourself and the kids!!\n\nMuch Love!!
50426
I know for a fact that parenting is not an easy task, maybe he's not ready after all. You said it already "his jobless and irresponsible." In that case i'm not so sure if he could be a good figure to your kid but please don't spare the love ur child needed ok. But honestly, I can't comment on the part that you being in love w/ him, there's no explanation it's all up to you. And everyone is stupid about love so ur not just the only one. LOL!  \n\nKeep smiling ... enjoy! \nI hope you get to know your soulmate!
555824
I have the same problem with my family.  It got to the point where I wasn't even talking to my own mother.  You need to tell them that this is what makes YOU happy.  Maybe you can slowly start bringing him around (for dinners, b-days, etc).  This will show them what type of guy he is.  Most importantly, they need to see that he is a real person, not just a "black male."  Have him send your mom flowers or something-- just to show her how sweet he can be.  Don't sacrifice your love for their ignorance.  Good luck!
75100
dump the loser! If he wants to grow up and have an adult relationship with his children, he will. If not, you must instill them with values that will prevent them from becoming like their father. They WON'T HATE YOU IF YOU ARE LOVING MOTHER unless you spend your life obsessing about what a bum their dad was.
348114
I am really sorry that you feel the way you do. I love both my children very much. It honestly does seem like you need a professional to help you connect with your reasons why you don't have the motherly feelings for your youngest son. I am pleased to hear that you tried to get help but my heart aches for you that you couldn't find a caring individual to help you deal with your feelings. No matter what you do your family isn't going to understand your pain and your sorrow. Saying that you feel you can't get close to him and the fact that you don't want to try shows that you do have some feelings for him, not as a mother but as a human being...you don't want to hurt his feelings. I have always found that the best thing to do when family gives you advice is to take it and do what you want with it. If you are interested in attempting to connect with the feelings that you probably have that are dormant within you now that you and he are older you may want to try again finding a counsler to help you with what you have locked up deep inside. Even if you find that you cannot love him as a mother loves her children, at least treat him like a human being.....with kindness and gentleness, the same way you would treat a stranger. That at least might make things less rocky between you and him and your family. Do what is best for you and your son and I wish you all the luck and support that I can via the computer.
557850
When the time is right you'll find the perfect person for you and your son. In the mean time just take time and enjoy your son. He'll only be little for a while and when you least expect it love will find you. Good luck with everything
653094
Call your Dad. Your Mom should be protecting you, not that scumbag. Even if the stepfather doesn't go to jail, maybe your Dad gan get you out of there. No matter how many problems it might cause, remember that YOU didn't cause the problems, that awful so-called "man" caused them when he did what he did. Anything that comes of it is NOT your fault. Call your Dad, please. Get yourself out of there.
1095802
Wow that's a tough one, you have to decide whats in your son's beat interest. But maybe you should try talking to your initial sperm Donner(dad) and tell him how you feel and if he can't be a loving grandfather to your son as well then he doesn't need to be a grandparent to him at all, he all ready lost his daughter, what should be the harm in just removing your family from his life entirely. And ask him if he cares and if he has ever loved you or thought of you.\n\nBase your decision on his response\n\nGood luck and I wish you enough, enough happiness, enough love, enough life to live and cherish in your family as the driving force I can tell you are
327100
Sounds like he wants you to be his mother.  I would just go seperate ways.  Good luck.
476006
I have no doubt that you have been trying to instill values of the clean nature in him for a long time. Here he is almost 18 and has yet to adapt. Soooo, I am relatively sure you are asking for help, but not expecting any miracles. You know that you have probably already exhausted every avenue that any one of us might tell you. I have sons also, and when you describe your son its as if you were talking about one of my boys. I have no solution for you,... I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this aspect. There is one thing you can "teach yourself" though that might eliminate some of your frustration about him. Don't take it personnel when he does this! Save your energy. Choose your battles! Keep instilling the lesson of what he needs to know, but don't worry about him not doing it. Try a role change with him on occasions,... when he needs you to do something, tell him "just a minute", or "I will get on that soon", or "I meant to do that, but forgot", ...throw his lines back at him and watch him get frustrated. Its good clean amusement for you, I promise!  My boys, and I am sure your son, too, are 'good' people, and yes, lazy people. But as long as he is staying out of real trouble, you really have no problems compared to some Moms out there. They do grow up, and when you go to their homes in the future, he will make you proud. I know!!! You are me, 14 years ago. Hang in there, its going to be alllllright!
132901
No he will not.  Once my stepfather adopted me, my biological father no longer had to pay anymore.  If he's a nice guy maybe he will on his own :)
684316
Please!\n\nThink about it!\n\nIt doesn't matter how he feels about you.  You deserve better.\n\nYou should know that a man isn't a great catch when he 1) has treated you this badly and 2) would abandon his child's mother so easily.\n\nPlease, think about how life with a person might be in 10 years when they are bored with their lives.\n\nPlease, remember, that the way a person treats others, is the way they will eventually treat you.\n\nThis man may be best off alone.
383232
I know you love him...and you want to help him and see him happy...but you are meddling where you have no place. A mans love life is his ... let him control it himself. All we mothers can do is be there to help them pick up the pieces.