Why can't I just live my life without looking for acceptence from others?
966189
Human beings are wired to seek acceptance from others.  It is not quite so simple, but since we are social animals evolution has put social wiring into our brains so we can get along and improve survival for the species.  Read "Social Intellgence" by Daniel Goleman for more about this.\n\nThe problems that you discuss are not just an abstract question about acceptance from others and so are not so easy to answer.  There could be many things about your particular life, family, friends and genes that could be involved.  Sometimes people play with others trying to control them by withholding their acceptance.  Many people who have not gotten out on their own or grown up and detached and gotten a more objective perspective of life can be caught up by dishonest or manipulative people.\n\nI would give yourself from time to grow up, and forgive yourself for not being perfect.  Trust yourself, from your post you sound senstive and intelligent, so as you go forth in life look for those people you seem to connect with and let go of people who want to manipulate or use you for some reason.\n\nSometimes it is hard to find out the truth about one's self, so it might be useful for you to either find a good friend and talk intimately if you can trust them, or to get some counseling.  Ultimately you will want to move into a place where you trust your own self, your gut and have the strength and confidence to be yourself ... don't worry, it will happen.\n\nIf you think you are really depressed or sick you should see a doctor, but remember that in many ways doctors are still in the early days of really understanding this kind of thing, so be careful and do not do anything you do not feel comfortable with or do not understand\n\nThat's my advice.
1119585
You just described why.\n\nBe yourself.  Don't try to live up to other peoples expectations of you, whoever they are.  Create expectations (goals) for yourself!  Live up to them, re-assessing as needed along the way.\n\nStrive to be a caring, purposeful, dedicated individual.  Develop your own likes, talents, gifts and character.  Like-minded individuals will be drawn to you.  Don't waste your time on the other riff-raff just to be with someone.\n\nTrying to live up to other peoples expectations ... be it in life, career, sex, relationship, friendship ... stifles and frustrates.  Living up to your own expectations of yourself, in behaviour, goals, life ... sets you free!\n\nGo for it!!
332001
People are too scared to tell you how they feel to your face.  I get talked about behind my back but I also have a problem with saying things about others.  I always thought it was human nature, though not okay to do so.  I don't like doing it, and I am trying to stop, but I just find that I am a cynic and I just have trouble telling people what I really think of them to avoid confrontation.  So, I say it to someone else.  I definitely don't think it's okay, I never have, but old habits are hard to break.  I know that it is wrong...judge not lest thee be judged, but it is hard to change, right?
520218
You need to resolve this conflict, don't hang on to the unfortunate events of past. Your experience in life makes you shy away from people.Look ahead and concentrate on the positive aspects of your life. You have had love and marriage and this is what will eventually help you heal. You need to develop some confidence and learn to love yourself. Don't distrust everyone, not all people are bad. Make friends and make efforts to socialize with people in a friendly manner. You will be surprised how people begin to like you. That will help you raise your self-esteem.\nLife is short, live it in the best possible manner, all you have to do is to make efforts towards a positive living.\nGod bless.
986004
This is because you can be objective when dealing with someone elses problems but are most likely subjective when trying to deal with your own. This is because you are personally involved with your own and can only see one side, yours. When you deal with other peoples you can actually envision two sides to any situation and it does not effect you directly, so you can be open about your response. \nIt is not an easy thing to do but maybe try stepping back from your issues and address them as you would someone elses. What would you tell someone if they were in the same situation? What kind of advice would you recommend to someone that was having a difficult time dealing with personal issues? All in all, we already know the answers to our own questions, it is just that we would prefer confirmation of those answers from someone else.
252765
I've asked that question before and realized that if I answered it, I would have unresolved issues/events I need to deal with. What I am trying to get at is that for myself, if I want to attain contentment, happiness, peace, and free of regrets, then I must accept everything, every event, happening, etc. that has occurred in my life. Come to terms with everything, the past is the past, it is unchangeable, but I reflect upon it to change what I can today, make better for tommorrow, and learn from it. I was 'dealt a less than decent hand', far from normal, and many challenges. I have overcome many osbstacles, weathered many storms of life, and made many mistakes, but I have no regrets and I am at peace with my past. And that is where it stays, in the past, to reflect upon. \n\nSo my answer to your question honestly, is I wouldn't change a thing.
482081
I am happy with the person I am, I'm just not happy with where my life is at this point in time. It will be better once I get my feet back under me and can stand on my own again. I have never pretended to be something I'm not. If they don't like me for who and what I am they can move on. I have no room for people like that in my life.
1182983
if you think us non believer have it easy then you are really not in touch with reality. something you go through is the same thing a non believer goes through as well. you are not the only one in this world in that situation. the best you can do is talk to other people thats been in your situation and select what you feel will work for you
1094529
You can only truly live for yourself. You can try to please others but you are the one who has to live with your decisions so try to please yourself.
346833
My experience is that most of what life has to offer is already set up and ready for those who ask for it.  But often we don't really want what we are asking for.  To get what you ask, you have to know the consequences of what you ask for, and be willing to accept them, and be willing to do what's necessary to achieve it.\n\nIn other words, you have to set up conditions in yourself that will allow the epiphany ("I'm having an apostrophe!" :)  Think deeply on the issue, but without worry.  Relax and KNOW that you will understand in time, but each day sit and write down SOMETHING about it in the same place.  Think on it each night before bed, reading EVERYTHING you have written so far (slightly longer read each night).\nGood luck.
996047
I have separated myself from jealous people who added negativity to my life.  I wish them well and nothing but the happiness they seek, but am not willing to offer my friendship to them.\n\nI have, what appears to be a great life to some.  I do have great blessings for which I'm eternally grateful for.  I've also had many hardships at young ages, that most people, hopefully never have to face.  That is Life!  \n\nHowever, I don't share much of myself with others.  I've found most people really don't care, they are consumed with their selves.  I've distanced myself from people who only talk about themselves.  If you're a good listener (and can't help but listen) it becomes overwhelming to be around these types.\n\nEveryone has issues.  My life is enough for me.  I don't want anyone Else's.  The older I get, the more I only want true friends/family in my life.
1149815
only you can make the changes that you desire in your life...everyone is special and so are you..Open up to others(your co-workers, etc.) and you will probably find some responding back to you with sincere compatibility and friendship...make one little step with one person and then another. good luck to you. Life is meant to be lived with others. Enjoy your life and enjoy the company of others. PEACE
468034
Must you be so rude. I know from personal experience it is extremely hard to face up to certain things in life. It does seem easier to run and hide from them. \n\nDo you even know the entire story? Do you know every aspect of that person's life? I am going to guess that you don't. So before you start acting like an as*s and judging people, I think you need to back off. Let them live there life as it needs to be. You are not God, so don't be so judgemental. Only God can judge. IDIOT.
698066
Maybe you've just become so used to it you don't know how to get away from it, maybe the people in your life are making you feel very reliant on them, if its really bothering you then get a few books from the library on how to be assertive and more confident, the sooner you break away from relying on others the more you will be yourself, good luck.
1186769
i feel the same way. my life is a mess and i count on yahoo answers to get advice on my own life because no one else seems to have any. you can't look for mister right for all you know you've already met him in the grocery store or at your work... you NEVER know. just take some of your own advice, i know its way easier said then done, but hey if its so good try some. and i agree this mostly happens to people who have a good caring heart. its hard to make your own decisions because you don't wnat to hurt anyone in the process, you want to make sure everyone is happy before you are. im trying to break that habit myself. good luck and everything always works out eventually. just take your time and be happy. continue to care about people but set up boundaries so you don't get taken advantage off.
239925
Very true. People may try to dissuade you from reaching your goal as they have their own opinion on things. If you try to follow the advice of others, you may not be happy. Follow your heart, do what is right and you will achieve true happiness.
839
I'm a loner too.  I tried to play the part of being socialable, but I don't seem to agree with anything anyone does.  I think most people are full of themselves.  I stopped trying to socialize.  I am what I am, and that's it.  I don't need to prove anything to anyone.  Just as long as you're happy being a loner, there's nothing wrong with it.  If you're uncomfortable in crowds, then don't torture yourself.  What's right for one person, may not be right for the next person.