Am I wrong for telling MIL we won't travel across two (pretty large states) for thanksgiving?
960803
Absolutely not.  It is selfish of her to even ask.  Especially with your mother recently widowed.  Making sure you mother is OK through the holidays should be priority; and she should understand that.  I know that the holidays can be the most trying for someone right after they have lost a loved one.  Hold your ground.  Stay where you belong.  I am sure she will get over it.  Good luck and happy holidays!!
536768
Wow, This is alittle complicated.  I would only say something if it's really effecting your husband and you. I don't know that it's your place and the family may think you're just creating extra drama. You don't want that. Also, this isn't an excuse but she is 16 after all. She's not an adult yet. She doesn't have the life experience you do. If you want to talk with her as a friend that's one thing but if you just want to tell her to get her act together.. I don't think it's a good idea at all. \n\nYour hubby knows his family best and there is probably a reason why he's not saying anything. With saying that if she's not disrespecting you in your home or whatever.. There's really not much you are going to be able to do about it. I seriously think that saying something will cause extra drama for this family. Allow them to figure it out.
429232
Wow!  I know how that can be stressful.  Take them to a quiet restaurant where there won't be too much noise, maybe call ahead and see if you can get a quiet corner reserved.  Or, plan to get take-out from a nice place, lots of them have curbside service now, and have dinner in your parents' or the new in-laws' house (not sure who's coming where) that way you won't have to cook, but the environment is just you guys.  But the good thing about being at a restaurant is if things are kind of akward, you have a natural ending time, at the end of the meal when its time to leave, and no one has to feel weird about kicking anyone out.\n\nGood luck, hope it goes well.
705278
You really need to map it out ....throw a few choices at her then if she doesn't respond in time OH WELL....You have a life and you need to build your own traditions with your own family to, if she can't see that then I know it sounds bad but to bad. We go through this with our families to....so you are not alone. I do not agree with disrespecting her but I also do not agree with her selfishness! Go see both and do what works for you and your hubby! Happy Turkey Day!\n\nAwwww...and tell your hubby this was her coice not his fault and not to be upset!
790245
Oh yay, parents.\n\nFact is, she has no bearing on what you and your hubby do in rearing your children (biological or not). You are the functional unit. Tell her that. If she doesn't respect it...reduce the time she is allowed to be around you two. Tell her that you love her, but you have to keep the best interests of your family at heart and she is meddling in business she shouldn't bother with. Tell her that she either stopps or you will have to disallow visits with the kiddos to keep their best interest at heart.\n\nGrandchildren are a privlidge not a right. \n\n\nShe is your momma and I know you love her. I hate it when this type of thing happens. She is jealous of something, maybe it is because she wants to monopolize your love or maybe she is just alone. Tell her you want to help her and have her be a major part of your life and your childrens life. Offer family visits to the psychologist. Grandparents are a blessing and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't have had my Dad's Mom and Dad involved in my life. However, it was a healthy involvement...\n\nI am sorry you are stuck in the middle. That sucks so bad.
803859
My sister in law didn't show up after saying she would come.  My brother walked in the door without her.  She didn't come because I didn't invite her son from her first marriage his wife and their child (6  years old) and his wife's son from a first marriage (16 years old) and her daughter from that first marriage (18) and that girls boyfriend that she is shacked up with.  I was already cooking for 9 people and my husband is not with me this Thanksgiving because he is overseas.  (He is the big cook in the family)  I didn't feel I could cook for more than 9 people and still keep my sanity.  That was the drama this year.
941310
What can you do? Apologize and if that doesnt work, its not like you can NOT let your child go there if he/she wants to... ya know? I think your family should DEF forgive you for things that are that far in the past, but its not my call... Good luck sweets.
938922
Gently tell her what you told us.  You should not be forced to do what you're not ready for.  It's not like you're ruling it out - you're just not ready.
484401
Gosh my mother in law moved in with us last year and was here for 9 months 10 days. The day she moved out was awesome. I like the lady but can not live with her.. Get out and get your own place.
862376
I agree that because you already made plans, and have preparred for the festivities at your home, he, or his parents, should not expect you to change this (with no thought of the quantity of people at each location).  As couples, these things must be discussed and planned in advance to avoid problems.  You be sincere, without argument, and explain that you can prepare a schedule of when you will spend Thanksgiving at who's house.  It sucks when there is conflice (as I am experiencing the same this year), but all you can do is try and be the adult. Good luck.
677818
WOW...I think you guys just need to share the time with her..I do  not think you should just take her that might cause trouble for you and then you will never get to see her, my brother in law is going through the same thing right now and his girl is a nut case\n\nI feel for you..
742854
I can understand why you are upset, I would be also.  It's one thing for a godchild to come to visit when he's "invited", entirely another for him to "invite" himself.  Just because he's always done that, doesn't mean it's right or that it has to continue.\n\nLook, marriage is based on love, respect and communication.  Talk to your husband.  Explain how you feel, there's no reason why you should have to have his godson over "every holiday"!\n\nHis godson's parents are being very inconsiderate by assuming that he's welcome for every holiday.  It's up to your husband to put a stop to this, you shouldn't have to be involved.\n\nYou just moved, you have no room and your husband just had a stroke.  Why should you have to turn your life upside down to cater to someone else now?  If his godson's parents can't understand that, it's "their" problem, don't let it become "yours"!\n\nGood luck.
874647
YOU SEE I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM ALSO, SO EVERY YEAR I ALWAYS GO TO MY PARENTS HOME, B/C SHE IS NOT VERY WELL, AND I GET A LOT OF OFFERS TO GO TO MANY OTHER PLACES, BUT I TELL THEM, I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MY MOM HAS TO LIVE (WHICH BY THE WAY IS TRUE) SO MOST OF THEM UNDERSTANDING. I THINK YOU AND YOUR BROTHER SHOULD GO TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS FOR THANKSGIVING, B/C YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THEY HAVE TO LIVE ALSO, AND IT WOULD MAKE THE SO HAPPY TO SEE THE BOTH OF YOU. TALK IT OUT WITH YOUR BROTHER. GOOD LUCK, AND I HOPE WHERE EVER YOU GO, THAT YOU WILL HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
855475
If she's kind hearted, be thankful. Many mother-in-laws do MUCH worse things. Get a tub, put a label on it, store the clothes. Think of it as shopping in advance. If you must, donate them. Don't assume what her reasons for this are, it may make complete sense to her. By the way, if she does this every year you must have clothes that fit them from two Christmases ago. Personally I think, be kind, let it go, life is short.
983857
I would take it as a compliment.  They obviously had no one else to spend the holiday with, whether it was by choice or not.  By their actions they seem as though they may not be the most appreciative family.  I would address it with them when it is not during a holiday or family time.  This will cause unneeded tension between the family.  Explain to them that you would not mind if they were to come over as long as it was planned and you did not get caught off guard.  Also, they may have rented a cabin but it may be all a front.  Most Americans are living beyond their means.  \n\nRemember you can't choose your family, but it could always be worse.
920405
GO WITH HIM.... Tell the folks to get used to divided holidays and promise them Christmas,  mean it.  That's when you get your presents after all.  This is something every one comes up against as they couple up.  It's not easy but compromises have to be made.  \nAn additional consideration for the future is which holiday draws the most family together at which venue.  If you feel welcome, go.  It is awful short notice if you have promised your Mom to bring the pie.
890243
I know how you feel- no relaxed visiting- just a mad dash to make it to the next get together.  Its nice to be invited to more than one place, but it is a strain and really no fun to have to rush through a visit or dinner.  \n     You have a good idea, I think if I were you, I would go ahead and separate for the day to each family.  Especailly since you have family that you only see this time of year.  That time is precious- and you won't get the time back.