Losing your only child?
957926
There is not words, parents are always ready to go first, they never dream that they will lose there child, just be there for him, offer him support groups.  He will have to take it one step at a time. My prayers are with you and your family.
37234
Praise God that I have not lost a child, but I do want to encourage you, I was watching my distant mentor Oprah during a show about grieving the loss of a child, she had Dr. Phil on the show that day and he said something that I will never forget, he said, instead of mourning the death of your child, celebrate the life of your child because your child probably would want you to be sad.  That lady's daughter was 18 years old and he reminded her that she should celebrate the 18 years of life she had instead of the one day that caused her so much pain.  I don't know if you believe in God, but let me offer you this, weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  Seek God during your time of grief and he will turn your tears of sorrow into tears of joy.  The joy of the lord is your strength, let his joy be the strength that gets you through each day!  I'm praying for you!
573594
I am very sorry for your loss.  You must be devastated.\n\nIt will be hard to get over and move on right away.  Just take one day at a time.  Grief is very hard because sometimes it can feel as though you are being consumed by it.\n\nMake sure you keep the lines of communication open with any siblings you have.  Also if your dad is in the picture.  he may be hurting too and it may be hard for him to express his loss.\n\nDon't try to replace your mother for your siblings because it isn't your responsibility.  Also realize that you and your mother still have a special relationship even though she has died she is still with you.\n\nWhen my dad died I felt him with me.  Sometimes I know he is there watching over me.  Your mother's love for you will always be there.  Try to remember the good times that you had together and realize that those will never be taken away from you.\n\nDeath is a transitional state and you will be going through a transition to adjust to being without your mother.  Just let the emotions come, if you are sad cry, if you are happy laugh.  In time things will level out and you will be able to face the world.\n\nA counselor once told me that grief is like the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes they come in fast and furious, sometimes the grief is slow and gentle.  It is always there but after awhile the waves are slower and farther between.\n\nMay peace and love be with you and surround you.  I hope that you have the friends and support that you need at this time.  If you need someone to bounce things off of then please feel free to email me.
1086058
there is no word. Agree with other posters - devastation-incredible sadness, emptiness. No parent should survive their child. \n\nOur son was killed in Feb '81 (automobile accident--driving too fast and with a few beers in him - he was clocked by a cop doing 90 mph (we got the traffic ticket in the mail day after we buried him)) - and not a day goes by that we do not think of him (even though we have been blesssed with 3 other children and grandchildren).  \n\nHis birthday is coming up (coincidentally it is the same date as our youngest and they are mirror images - we called them our bookends. The 2 in the middle are blond/blue eye. The 'bookends' are dark hair, tall....) . My husband and I will be putting up his 'birthday' flower bouquet in the next few days....they stay there until the fall, then we do a Halloween theme...and so it goes on thru the year. \n\nTo top it off, we buried him on Father's DAy those many years ago.\n\nWe wonder what he would be doing today. How many children, would he still be an artist at heart?  We pray and have Faith that he is all of that and more - because God has made it so. Only our Faith and love of family and friends has carried us thru - Now we can all sit around a table (took a while) to laugh and wonder "how many pancakes" (we have pancake breakfast parties every so often just the family) he would have had. \n\nSometimes, even after alllll these years, we still buy a postcard for him, when we travel...then realize we have one to many!  \n\nThere is sadness but there is joy.  He is in a better place - we BELIEVE this because we have to!  Otherwise too hard to deal with.
608690
I don't understand your question but if you have lost a grown child there is no real coping mechanism. When I lost my son I just determined to hold his memory in my heart and to share it with others. This way you in effect keep the loved one alive in the minds of others. If you are getting through day to day and allowing yourself to go on with life as the loved one would have wished you to then you are coping. I am sympathetic with you and with time you will get better at coping but it will always cause some pain, at least that's the way it is with me and I lost my son 15 years ago. I have watched his children grow and I admit that I took some solace in that.  I just looked at your site and see that you and I are the same age and that you have a grand daughter from the little that you say in your profile I think that you are doing real well. God bless
583938
My father died because he was hit by a car (the driver was drunk) when I was five. I don't remember how I felt at the time it happened and I have no memories of my father which I find very sad. \nAn older sister of mine (I had 5 altogether) died 2 years ago due to complications after a simple operation. She left behind 3little children. \nIt's hard to describe how you feel when someone close to you dies. \nI think the worst for me was facing my sister's children. I know they can still have a happy childhood. I have very happy memories of my own childhood, so I believe they will be OK, but being with these little ones and seeing the pain and sorrow in their little faces, was almost unbearable at times. \nMy sister took a picture of her eldest girl before she died. In the picture my niece is holding a little rabbit and her whole face is brimming with happiness. There is not a trace of sorrow in her eyes. \nA year after my sister died, another picture was taken of my niece. It's hard to believe, that it's the same girl. She is smiling but the sadness in her eyes seems so deep, she looks so hurt and vulnerable, that it just makes me wanna cry every time I look at this picture. \nThe only thought that has been of any comfort to me, was knowing, that both my father and my sister, had a relationship with God.\nI believe they are with Him now and that one day, I will see them again.
290207
I lost my oldest son just over 5 years ago.  He was murdered.  I am still not over it & never will be.  The best thing I can tell you is turn to your religion.  That has helped me.  I think God gives us answers on how to go on without our loved ones in everyday things.  Like, this might sound wierd to most, but sometimes I hear (in the back of my mind) my son talking to me or answering a question that I've only asked myself.  I take it as he's giving me advise.  I think I'm living life as my son would have wanted me to live it.  I'm making decisions that if he were here & I'd asked him for his advice, they are ones that he's tell me.  I don't know hon, life goes on & so must we.  Sorry to hear about your loss.  A son, aunt, mother or father, its never easy & nobody has all the answers.  Just take it day by day.  You'll have good ones & bad one.  I've learned to deal with it cause all the tears & sorrow or angry feelings isn't going to bring my son back, just make me a bitter person.  He wouldn't have wanted that.  He was a good young man, 23 at the time & had his whole life with a wonderful career in his sites.  He was brutally murdered.  We just had the trial back in September '05.  It still hurts but like I said... he would want me to do just what I'm doing... trying to be the best person I can be.  Good luck to you sweetie!
201195
when my infant son died.
577816
I will tell you something personal. I have a 3 yr. old son. I am divorced, I miss my son very, very much. I cry each nite that I cannot be with him. His mother is court ordered to let me have him each weekend for 3 days. Everytime I go to get him, she is gone. I have given up hope. I know he is still young but I know he knows his dad and loves me very much. He will find me someday.
590226
I'm sorry for your grief i just lost my step dad in Aug and he was more of a dad than i could ever get..\n\nThe pain hurts because i lost so many if theres away I'm looking for it i spend day after day setting and talking as if he was still here at the grave site.\n\nWhat do you say we feel the same pain three kids and my wife are gone and i have one child left and I'm so scare of losing her.\n\nSomeone put a question in here and ask what was the saddest thing that ever happen to me and i cryed the owe time i wrote back an answer as i'm doing now..\n\nBless you and take one day at a time for two is to much and you will be okay.
764067
It is a sad thing to loose a parent.  It leave a mark on you and a pain that you really never get over.  I happen to be a funeral director and when I lost my parents, I went through the exact same thing.  I know it is of no comfort to you, but as time goes by, you will find that other things in your life keep you occupied.  You will never forget her, but in time God works a miracle in which the sharp pain associated with your loss gets a little less and you can reflect upon the joyous and happy times with a feeling of love and appreciation.  I know you probably find this hard to believe, and so did I, but it does happen.  My father died in 1987 and my mother in 1999, and at times is seems like it was only yesterday.  I hope you are able to find peace and understanding very soon.
606279
Personally, I just lost my dad last month.  I'm still dealing.  It takes a while but the one thing you have to keep in mind is that she was here for a reason.  Whether or not there is an afterlife is irrelevent.  Each person that crosses your path, each person you interact with is there for a reason.  Whether its to teach you something or point you in the direction youre meant to go, there is a purpose.  You may miss her, but if you spend the rest of your life grieving you are not living.  You are lost in the past and moving forward because you have no alternative.  I can assure you, that is not what she would want.  I look at it this way, when you truly care for someone, you give them a piece of yourself.  You have given them your love, your support, your caring, whatever...its a part of you.  No matter where you go, they will always have that.  It is not something tangible that can be taken away or lost.  Your sister will be with you forever.  Nothing can change that..not even death.  'Sides, in my opinion death is just a speed bump in this thing called life, not an end.
1137993
My spouse of 12 years died Jan 05..and I feel like a major part of my world died with him. The old saying time heals all wounds has some merit, to a point. I still have days when the grief is all consuming, and other days things are fine. I still have small kids that need me, otherwise I often wonder if I'd have the desire or need to carry on alone.
501421
Hope this helps & I'm sorry for your loss. Dads can never be\n replaced & the pain never goes away. Lost mine in 94...you never said"I'm Leaving." You never said good-bye You were gone before we knew it,and only god knows why. A million times we've needed you,a million times we've cried. If love alone could've saved you,You never would have died.In life we loved you dearly,In death we love you still, In our hearts you hold a special place,no one can ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you,but you didn't go alone, For part of us went with you,The day God called you home. Thanks for the sweet tear this morning.God bless you my child.
885812
Oh hon, I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my youngest son four years ago and he was only\n21 years old. The pain is huge. \n\nYour lost love will always be in your heart and you will have a scar. No one can lose someone so dear and not grieve over it.\n\nYou need to go through the phases of grief. Disbelief, anger, depression, quilt, acceptence and so on. You will gradually pull out of your grief. There will be times that you need to take an hour or a day to just fall apart. Then you will pull yourself together and surrive.\n\nHe will want you to do more than surrive. He wants you happy. He is in a place of peace.\nTo honor him, you need to find your joy again.\n\nTime to get rid of the quilt. Although it is normal to do so. I do it myself. I have to quickly pull myself out of the guilt. In reality neither you or myself have enough power to cause someones death. so, please let go of the guilt.\n\nHave you gotten counseling?\n\nOpen up your heart to love again, \n\nDo your lost love a favor and live the rest of your life with joy and hope. That will honor his memory more than anything.\n\nI have to remind myself of my son's sense of humor and I have to be happy because he wouldn't be pleased if I ruined my own life because of his death. He is in a place of peace and joy.\n\nHon, you can love again.Open your heart.\nGive yourself times to grieve then give youself more time to live. As time goes on the grief will lesson. \n\nIf you  need medication for depression or anxiety go ahead and use it.\n\nHang in there and look for the silver linning in life/
286180
Immediately yes!! But tread lightly! Losing a parent is very difficult. You've got to plan the funereal, find out where the parent was financially, and if there was Life Insurance, and of course, the estate. I lost my dad about a year and a half ago and still grieve his loss!
167791
Oh, please, my greatest sympathy to you.  My oldest is 33 years old and I would also be devastated if something happed to her.\n\nHospice is a great organization; it helped my father during his last days.  But there should be community mental health practitioners - go to your county health department and ask them for a list of names; they usually work on a sliding scale depending on your income.\n\nPlease talk to someone.  Your question pulls at my heart strings because you seem to be such a good-hearted person.  We can't know why things happen the way they do.  And I don't think we can ever accept the death of a child.\n\nTry not to spend too much time alone right now.  If there are any small children around, sitting and holding them - getting hugs and comfort from everyone around you is necessary.\n\nPlease do call your county health department or senior center or hospice to see what counseling they have for you.  And be very, very good to yourself during this time of sorrow.  Your daughter is watching you from heaven and she wants you to be happy and go on with your life.