The Gambler Hilarious joke!?
955678
that was great! kinda a pisser tho:)
1039005
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"\n\nBa-dum, chhh!
847459
LOL that was a good one and for once it wasn't to long to read sometimes i can never be bothered to finish the joke coz there so long!\nThanks for the laugh xx
638481
lmao: laughing my a$$ off
1092433
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nQ. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?\nA. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.\n\n \n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nQ. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?\nA. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.\n\nQ. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?\nA. A navel.\n\nQ. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?\nA. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.\n\nQ. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?\nA. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.\n\nQ. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?\nA. A Klondike Bar\n\nQ. What did the elephant say to the naked man?\nA. "How do you breath through something so small?"\n\nQ. Why don't women wear watches?\nA. There's a clock on the stove!\n\nQ. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?\nA. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.\n\nQ. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?\nA. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.\n\nQ. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?\nA. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.\n\nQ. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?\nA. They both like a tight seal.\n\nQ. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?\nA. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.\n\nQ. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?\nA. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!\n\nQ. What did the banana say to the vibrator?\nA. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.\n\nQ. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?\nA. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.\n\nQ. What's the difference between love and herpes?\nA. Love doesn't last forever.\n\nQ. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?\nA. Call her and tell her.\n\nQ. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.\nA. The thief was spending less then his wife.\n\nQ. Why do women have small feet?\nA. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.\n\nQ. Why do men die before their wives?\nA. They want to.\n\nQ. How do men sort out their laundry?\nA. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.\n\nQ. What's the difference between a man and ET?\nA. ET phoned home.\n\nQ. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?\nA. It doesn't need cleaning.\n\nQ. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?\nA. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.\n\nQ. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?\nA. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!\n\nQ. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?\nA. Brothel sprouts.\n\nQ. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?\nA. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.\n\nQ. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?\nA. Clitty litter\n\nQ. I married Miss Right.\nA. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."\n\nQ. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for me
633920
LOLRMAOOTF! Damn that was a hilarious joke. Johnny is very "smart"!
1105406
Okay, this one isn't all that funny, but it made my grandpa laugh:\n\nSo, the wife says to her husband "Dearest, since you're out of work, we've been a bit strapped financially. I think we need to go on a budget." And the husband says "Why?" The wife answers "Well, you spent fifty dollars on beer last week." To this the husband replies "That's funny. You spent fifty dollars on Avon last week." The wife comes back "Well, I need that stuff so that I can look and smell nice for you." The husband retorts, "Yeah, well after I drank that beer, you sure did look nice."
405891
BINGO!!!! it is definately the funniest one i have ever heard and not b/c its mine i swear. anyone wanna explanation? i wil give it if you want, its really funny.
635835
YEAH, GO TO THE JOKES CATAGORY!!!
567944
hahaahha thts a funny one man ...hhaahahah...nice one!!!keep it going...
1112310
:o\nis this a tricky joke?lmao->
399355
"were both farmers!" hehehe i love that joke!!!cracks me up everytime!
764933
♥A GUY GOES IN A BAR & THERE IS A POT OF $ & A HORSE HE ASKS THE BAR TENDER WHAT IS WITH THE HORSE & POT OF $ WELL THE BAR TENDER SAID IF U CAN MAKE THE HORSE LAUGH U CAN HAVE THE POT OF $ SO THE GUY BRINGS THE HORSE IN THE BACK ROOM & LIKE 2 MIN LATER HE COMES OUT & THE HORSE IS LAUGHING. THE NEXT DAY HE COMES BACK & THERE IS THE SAME HORSE & A DIFFERENT POT OF $ SO HE ASKED THE BAR TENDER WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO DAY & THE BAR TENDER SAID WELL U HAVE TO MAKE THE HORSE CRY SO THE GUY BROUGHT THE HORSE IN THE BACK & LIKE 2 MIN LATTER HE COMES OUT & THE HORSE IS CRYING. THE BAR TENDER SAID B4 U GET THE POT OF $ U HAVE 2 TELL ME HOW U MADE THE HORSE LAUGH & CRY. SO THE GUY SAID 2 MAKE HIM LAUGH I TOLD HIM I HAD A BIGGER DICK THEN HIM 2 MAKE HIM CRY I SHOWED HIM. \n\nI HOPE THAT MADE U LAUGH.♥
640137
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.\n \nJust before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.  I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."\n \nAnd so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.\n \nWell, he died.\n \nHe was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.\n \nWhen they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"\n \nShe had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.\n \nThen the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.\n \nSo her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."\n \nThe loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word.  I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."\n \n"You mean to tell me you put all that money in the casket with him!!!!?"\n \n"I sure did," said the wife.  "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.  If he can cash it, he can spend it."
724840
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00\nbetween them.\nLarry said, "Hang on, I have an idea"\nHe went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.\nBob said, "Are you crazy??? Now we don't have any money left at\nall!!"\n>Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."\n>\n>They went into a pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels.\n>Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!"\n>Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!"\n>They downed their drinks.\n>Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you geto on your knees and put it in your mouth."\n>Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.\n>\n>They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"\n>Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage after the\n>third pub!"
904970
I give it a full 20! that joke was probably one of the best jokes ive ever heard!!\n\n llooll!!!!!!! yayayayyayayayayaya
846589
hey!!! i like the joke...but i feel like i heard it somewhere before...now where could that have been?!?! hehe! love it anyway!!