what can i do with a mother that has terminal cancer & only a couple of months to live?? my whole family is-?
962002
let me start off by saying i am so sorry about your mom. i just lost my uncle to lung cancer and my grandpa to cancer that started in the kidney and ended up all over his body. The best advice that i can give to you is to pray that they will come to their senses and grow up. Your mother is fighting for her life, but when all is said and done and your poor mother is gone they will be the ones that will have to live with the decisions and comments that they made while your mother was still alive. And they will then understand what an impact that their words had on your mother. But from what i read you love your mother very much and she loves you the same. Keep praying for recovery or for her not to suffer any longer than she has to. I watched my grandfather battle and suffer for 7 years with the last 3 in agony with pain. And to know that he knew how much each and everyone of us loved him, he went in peace. I wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you
59167
make sure she is as comfortable as possible. i know its hard but you have to. be her support system. if she needs to cry be her shoulder if she needs to yell just listen and dont yell back. most of the time they are not angry with you.make sure she gets the treatments she needs and the meds she needs. if you miss an appointment reschedule as soon as possible. some people with cancer handle the problem differently she may laugh it off but remember thats her way of dealing with it. dont get angry and say things you dont mean. you are a good person for staying by her side. make the time you have with her as good as possible. play cards read books schedule movie nights. i will pray for you and your mother. i am so sorry this is happening to your family.
1168759
If you go to http://www.cancer.org you will be able to locate local support for her depending on what kind of cancer it is.\n\nIt's good of you to help her, so often extended family emotionally move away from folks with cancer!\n\nBest wishes.
702376
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1990.  She battled it, and won.  She had lymph nodes removed as well as a total masectomy.  Along with 6 months of chemo.  Unfortch her cancer recurred in 1998.  This time in her bones.  She battled bravely again, with weekly chemo for 5 solid years.  Eventually it spread to her brain and she had radiation.  She had(yes, I am sorry 'had')a great life from her initial battle in 1990 until cancer finally took her from us in 2003.  She saw both her daughters marry and met one grandson.  She and my dad traveled and were together.  Just give her the best you can.  Be there for her, talk to her.  I know it hurts, believe me, I know.  My mom was only 53 when she passed.  I believe she always handled it better than we did.  I never once saw her be scared.  I wish you and your friend all the best.  Good luck!
748126
I know how you feel. I didn't know what to do when I found out about my mothers cancer. I was very busy and did not spend enough time with her as well. I now appreciate the quality time I spend with loved ones more than ever. Thankfully I have found something to help my mother, I hope it can help you, too!\n\nI am currently in the Bahamas with my Mother who has Terminal Lung Cancer. There is a clinic here that has been in operation for over 30 years. We have been here for 4 of our 8 week stay, everyday is really neat. A lot of the patients stick around in the meeting room/ waiting room to visit, and share stories and catch up. There were 40 people all talking and laughing, talking about cancer and life, the returning patients talk about how bad their cancer was 4, 8, 10 even 18 years ago when they started coming to the clinic, the cancer that has since disappeared. There is nothing dangerous or foreign to the treatment, just building up your immune system in a very effective manner. If you want to know more contact me or go to www.immunemedicine.com I cannot tell you how impressed I am with what I have seen and how my Mother has already improved. I know one man who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he skipped all US, conventional (poisonous, dangerous) options and went to the Bahamas and is doing great now. Another man who has been coming here for 18 years that had prostate cancer. People with just about every type of cancer. But, they are honest here, you send them your medical information and they will tell you whether they believe they can help you or not, and they will send you home if they don't think you are benefiting. \n\nMy mom has shown drastic improvements and is feeling so much better. and we are in the Bahamas so we are having a good Mother-Daughter vacation.\n\nI have also done a lot of research on the Cesium Chloride/DMSO treatment and think that it has merit and you can do it at home.\n\nThe clinic here believes that a supplement/liquid called VIBE works really well in addition to other treatments, I am going to look in to that some more.\n\nUS doctors push chemo and radiation, but when you look at the statistics and side effects it is not a good option for most people. My Mom had both before we came here and now that I know more about them and have researched them I feel horrible that I let her go through them. She was lucky (so far) the only long term side effect she has shown is short term memory loss. \n\nThe stories I have heard from the other patients here about how they were treated by US medicine astound me. One lady went home to have a shunt put in her liver so she would be ok to come here, but they refused to put it in unless she agreed to do chemotherapy, is that what our country is about? Denying helpful procedures unless we agree to dangerous, toxic ones? The drug companies run US medicine at least when it comes to cancer treatment and it is sad. Most doctors will tell you not to try alternative medicine and some will refuse to even see you again if you do. To some degree they are not to blame, they have not been taught anything about it other than that it is evil and wrong and they would be rejected by their colleagues if they suggested alternatives.\n\nI would also like to tell you about another lady staying at the house we are staying at, she is 86 years old and has breast cancer. She arrived at the clinic the same day we did and is doing very well. Her immune system continues to improve and she gained 2 pounds since last week. She is absolutely thrilled with this treatment and knows that it is helping her.\n\nPlease whatever you do, research first. \n\nOne very helpful website is www.cancertutor.com\n\nGood luck!!
783497
If the operation prolongs life, even by a year or two, then yes. I'd also seek a 3rd and even 4th opinion. Are you the person with the cancer? Whoever it is, I'm deeply sorry. I know what it's like to have that horrible disease in the family. You'll come to the right decision and remember, sometimes miracles do happen. The very best of luck to you and yours
778964
Tell her that there are over 100 alternative cures for cancer, which her doctor is not allowed to talk about, even if he knows about them.\nThen do some research, find the right one for your mother, and help her to get the cure that she deserves.\n\nYou can start your research on my web page at\n\nCancer\nhttp://dgwa1.fortunecity.com/body/cancer.html
154229
My heart goes out to you and your sister.  People DO survive lung cancer.  Taking chemo is a tough decision to make, it can destroy the quality time you may have left IF  hers is NOT in a curable stage.  Most doctors WILL give honest answers IF the patients ASK:  Is my cancer curable?  What are my chances of surviving with surgery only?  What are my chances of surviving WITH and WITHOUT chemo? Or  WITH and WITHOUT radiation?\nShe might need you to go with her to ask these questions, (I encourage you to WRITE DOWN your questions, and let the doctor SEE you have a list of questions...) for the support, and so you can reaffirm what she was told.   An amazing number of people are unable to clearly remember and process the info they are given when the disease is life-threatening.  If you were with her, and later she can't quite recall the information, you could gentley help her work through the answers.\n Encourage her to get second opinions if she feels she needs more information.  Not EVERY form of cancer, not EVERY patient is good candidate for chemo.  Chemo can often cause more life ravaging consequences than the cancer itself.  I can understand her hesitancy in NOT jumping into chemotherapy.  Please do not let anyone make her feel like a "quitter" or guilty for NOT choosing chemo IF HERS IS not curable.  Perhaps she will choose to focus her fight on maintaining her dignity, independence, and quality of life as long as she is able to- IF HERS IS NOT IN A CURABLE STAGE.  \nSometimes radiation and other cancer treatments are given as a palliative measure, meaning it will not CURE the cancer, but hopefully if can keep the tumors from causing decreasing function of of organs in the chest, or from causing increased pain.\nIf it IS treatable, and if it IS a stage of cancer that will repond to surgery, chemo, and radiation, etc, it may make it easier for her to bear the treatments if she knows she DOES have a chance to survive.  She has a right to that information about her own particular stage of cancer before she makes the choice. Take care, I wish you both well.
406879
Dealing with a life threatening cancer is certainly a life changing event for the family (along with the obvious for the one who is afflicted). Watching my father die this year (even though for much of it i was away at school) has been the most difficult thing ive had to deal with in my life. Seeing someone that you love and respect so much slowly go from an active person, to a sedentary person, to a dying person is a difficult transformation to witness. There is always some form of bad news as the cancer slowly defeats some of the different methods that are used at times to treat the illness. You tend to experience every emotion in small bits. First theres a lot of fear and denial, because although there are so many different forms of cancer, and so many people get the disease, its never going to happen to us, we thought. Then theres anger and despair, and just an incredible sense of loss as you realize some of the things that will hopefully happen someday in my life that he cant be there for.\n\nYet you begin to realize that you are not alone, and that life really is a precious thing. I became so much more thankful for the 19 years i got with my dad (sadly a lot of this was after he passed, as it was too tough for me to be around him while he was in his final weeks). Although you have to deal with the slow dying process, you get to spend so much more time with them, than if death had come quickly from an acute illness. You begin to value the things which you take for granted from before. The difficulties never go away during the process, but every little bit that Dad fought, along with the good moments made life worthwhile. \n\nonce i made peace with the idea that he would die, there was a pretty horrible sense of waiting, because you know eventually it will come (if its terminal). But you realize that you have time, and that is a beautiful thing. Ironically, ive learned to love who my dad was more since he has gone than while i was an ungrateful teen (or maybe i just didnt realize how i loved the man).\n\nFortunatly all cancer is not fatal, and there is a lot of hope for a cure. Im now a better person for the difficult process, and ive learned to have empathy for my fellow man and woman. I love my dad, and the fact that he is gone doesnt take away from the wonderful 19 years i got with him.
187933
Well first of all let me say I am sorry about the death in your family.\n   If I were in a situation like yours, what I would do is make a photo album of all her pictures and everything that was apart of her life. Or I would plant a bush of her favorite flowers. \n   I hope this helps!!!\nGood luck to ya!
1139420
i am very sorry to here about your family member. i have worked as a cancer nurse for over two years now and unfortunately, it sounds as if she is near the end. sometimes thats the hardest part of cancer (worse than all the treatments combined) if morphine is not helping her i would ask the docs for some type of continuous medication to keep her pain free. they offer those medications for at home use as well (not sure if she's home or where she is) but most meds can be given continuously at home. try the very best you can to keep her comfortable, let her know you are there for her, and just be a family. there are nurses who come to your home to help during these times as well. i hope things go well
822484
Hi. I am an oncology nurse experienced with breast cancer. Congratulate your mother on catching her breast cancer. It sounds like she caught it early. It is ok to be scared. The best way to deal with this is to find out all you can about your mom's diagnosis and what her plan of care is. Many of the treatments can have some side effects, which are normal. Your mom should find out about them and be prepared for what to expect. Half the battle of cancer is in the mind. She needs you and your dad to be concerned but also keep a positive attitude. Your mom will be tired during her treatment. You and your dad can help by doing little things like the laundry, cooking and helping around the house so she won't be stressed about that. Also many patients who get chemo like to have a friend or family member there during their transfusion. Offer to be there. Cancer is not easy but what it can do is really remind you how much you love each other. Just be there, tell your mom you love her and ask her what she needs. Also be nice to your dad. This is sometimes harder for the guys even if they don't show it. Good luck and God bless <><
475681
I would be afraid, but if it was suggested to me by at least three different doctors, I would be inclined to do chemo.\nI am so sorry to hear of your mother-in-law's passing.\nIt is important to remember, though, that cancer is, indeed, a SILENT killer.  Even with all the technology and knowledge of today, doctors just aren't infallible.  They do commendable work, but they just can't hit the nail on the head every time.\nSo, so sad.  Continue being there for your husband and I sure feel badly for the loss of his mother.  I lost my mother from cancer and think of her EVERY SINGLE DAY, so I understand the "place" your husband is in.  It's the PITS.
266248
i am 37 and they told my mom she now has about 8 weeks to go. there are no words anyone can tell either of us. you are not being selfish for wanting your mother to stay alive. our moms no we need and want them. and this, from what my mom says is the hardest thing she has ever had to do in her life. she looks at my kids and my brothers and i. she can't help crying. she knows we are deeply saddened and there is nothing she can do. she was dealt this hand and she is fighting this cancer with all that she has. my heart goes out to you and your family. i cry everyday. at moments i will be numb and i am ok but it only takes one word from someone and tears will come down and i can't stop them. we are to young in our lives to loose our moms. i can't even imagine all the really young people that have gone through this. i do not know about you but if one more person tells me she is going to be going to a better place i will loose it on them. it is not that i do not believe in god i do. but her better place for now is here with her kids and her grandkids. i also have children. and my mom lives down the street from me. they go there everyday for a snack and to see grandma. and like you life without her seems impossible. she will not see my 40th birthday or my kids have their kids. there will be no more mothers days that i can pick her up and take her to lunch. no more she drives me crazy because she is just being a mom. i am sure you can relate to all this. i can't shut it down in my head. the thoughts won't go away. it hurts to bad. i do not know who you are but i will pray for your mother. you have my deepest sympothy. if you ever need to write my e-mail is momof4angelsaz@yahoo.com. who knows maybe we can be a support team. please write and tell me how you and your mom are doing.god bless you and your family
1158564
Please call your local social worker - your oncologist's office should have a referral of name and number. They can help by providing cost free "respite care" for family members.
512535
You both are young. The death of a loved one at any age is hard. All the other answers says it all. You can't cheer her up. Nothing will at this time. You didn't say if she believed in God. But that is what is helping me right now.It was her Mom's time. It's sad that she had to go via car wreck. Let her cry. Here are some ideas that I have done and will do myself(I lost my 82 year old Mama in March this year). I planted a small flower garden in her memory. Nothing big or elaborate. My Mama loved flowers any and all. Her b-day is in a week. We still plan on having her a party.I'm getting helium balloons and we are going to write her a special message and let them go. We realize she won't get them, but hey-Who knows?? Just be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Let her remember her Mom. Remind her of something funny her Mom did. Don't let her dwell on the bad times that all mothers and daughters have. I can tell you; us Moms wouldn't want our children to remember those times. Sit down with her if she wants to look at pictures of her and her Mom in happier times. Some people will tell her thats the wrong thing to do. Maybe-Maybe not. God will help her.Have her read scriptures in the Bibles that will encourage her.Just be her friend.Her Mom is just a memory away.I'll be praying for you and her.You will have a rough road being her friend, her pain is yours. God Bless you for wanting to help her.
1025787
There are various ways that you can choose from with this situation. My mother recently died from complications with breast cancer. I found that the best way for myself to deal with it so too be as up beat, positive, and joking as you can. Everybody is or is going to be highly stressed, depressed, and generally unhappy. If you can find any reasons to make your Grandfather, your parents, yourself, the doctors and nurses laugh, everything goes a lot smoother and happier. This creates much more happy memories that both your grandfather and yourself can pull on in the future. Be as happy as you can. Thats what got me through my mothers breast cancer. I will always remember laughing with my mom, even when she was loosing her hair, weight, and her general health. She went very happy in the end. Make your Grandfather happy and you yourself will be happy.\n\nI have a site here that takes you to the National Cancer Institute and they have all sorts of links that can and will help you out. I hope this helps.