what happens when you found out that your husband has changed? He is always telling lies to me.?
967933
Well.. i guess in my opinion, firstly is try to think about what cause him to change or react different from previous behaviour..\n\ndid something you did that caused to act this way or change to current situation.. \nI'm a man, i would know why a man changed, basically in general, there are two reason or more: \n\none is; he's originally a liar (which he's trying to be nice all the while until he can't tolerate anymore, so he change back to he's original character), \n\ntwo is; bcoz he couldn't get any real satisfaction in sex, then suddenly some girl came tickling him and manage to click on for more sexual/satisfaction activities..\n\nBut i could be wrong thou.. as mentioned, there are more reason for a man to change. having said this; the woman i knew, have even much more reason to change as compared to man.. \n\nBut nevertheless, pls try talking to him nicely to catch anything that went wrong and try to patch it back.. avoid having arguement or anything suspicious thinking.. as it may result to a worse situation...\n\nI pray for all the best for you k, and hope that God will give you all the hapiness that you guys need...
670470
i would ask him what he is afaid of -- if he tells you the truth?- tell him if its nothing to worry about he should tell you everything -- the only reason for a person to lie, is usually because they have something that they don;t want you to find out, for lots of reasons, to protect you, to make sure you don't get mad, for fear of you getting so mad that you would leave   i say confront him and if he cant tell you the truth-- he dosn;t trust you-- thats my personal opinion  i have dealt with this before and ultimatly i left him-- I never got the truth out of him unless we faught then he told me and as allways it was never anything big- tis jsut the fact that he never respected me enough to confide in me--- i think its  a power trip- so they feel like they have some sort of control
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.
426510
Come clean girl.  The longer you live a lie, the worse the situation becomes.....and the deeper the hurt.  Put yourself in his shoes. I know, now you're too scared to fess up.  But you owe him that much.  I know you'll make the best decision....
529955
First, the two of you got married very young. You didn’t have time to explore your likes and dislikes, nor had time to find yourselves.\nSecond, chances are you are more mature than he is, men fully mature by age 26. \nNow, he lied because you might get upset and he is trying to avoid a fight, or he is embarrassed or he misbehaved.\nYou need to have a heart to heart talk. Stay calm and focused and let him know his actions are harming the marriage. Do not get defensive or you will get the opposite response you are looking for. Best wishes
337740
Confront him about it,put him on the spot and let him know he has explaining to do! Dont be afraid to confront him,he need's to feel like an idiot for being so dishonest with  you and need's to know how that makes you feel. IF he doesnt stop this,then you need to move on,because that's never a good sign,and is never going to make it into a long term relationship. People lie for a reason,and obviously it isnt a GOOD one. lier's continue to lie because people let them get away with it,afraid to put them on the spot,afraid to embarrasse them,ect,forget that,embarrasse the crap out of him,it might teach him if he know's he cant get away with it,but make sure you know why he lied to you,that should tell you alot,and please,dont let him tell you a lie about his lie,and dont let him make you feel guilty about it either,liers will try and make you feel guilty about their lie,such as "I thought if you knew you would hate me and not want me anymore" or "I didnt want you to know,because that's not who I am anymore,you have changed me"blah,blah,blah
147535
Alright....I'm a reformed liar. I can admit it because I've fixed that within me. I've seperated myself from that part of my past and I have moved on. Having said that, now we can go into why he's lying. When someone lies to the one they love, they don't do so to intentionally hurt. Even tho that's usually the outcome. He's obviously been in a situation/relationship before you where his situation didn't provide for any trust structure. So to carry on some semblance of normalcy he learned to fabricate a reality to satisfy the questioning/insecurities of another JUSt so he could function on a day to day basis. What it boils down to is this: He's never known a relationship where trust is real and all-encompassing. He could fear he doesn't deserve you. Comes from past feelings of inadequecy or lack of self-worth. You're much more then he feels he deserves. Even tho you're what he wants. It's a self-destructive attitude I had. Psychologists agree. If you don't feel you deserve something, you won't treat it well. Human nature. But I digress. He needs to UNDERSTAND that in YOU he can have true faith and trust. He can confide in you like none other. Because you are his wife. And noone will ever come between that. You need to create that safe zone so he can feel safe to come to you for things and to tell you what is on his mind. As it is now he doesn't feel you can handle things he thinks and feels. He fears you'll blow up on him or overreact or even leave him if he tells you what/how he thinks and feels. You need to show him. Not only in words but also in matching actions. Say you can handle it and then actually handle it. Help him break that reflex of fabricating what he thinks you want to hear. Trust me...he's a prisoner. I was. It cost me almost everything. But most of all....have patience. This is his self-defense/preservation reflex. I say "reflex". So he automatically does it before he thinks I'm sure. So, like an alcholic in rehab you must be his friend and help him through it. Make it through and your relationship will be stronger then you've ever seen it. Best thing is: once in that habbit of total communication and honesty, he'll become addicted to the safety of it's feeling and stick with it. Because if he's the guy I was, he hates the stress and poressure of all that guilt. Best of luck to you.
524888
Sounds as if he has moved on in his mind and left you and the marriage behind. Sad that after 8 years. How you can improve your marriage is how you react to the sitution right now. Don't beg or bug him about anything. Give him some room and the old saying if you set someone free and they come back they are yours is very true............
978282
Understand that he will never trust you.  I was home with two kids and pregnant and being accused of having an affair.  Pleeeeaaaassssseeeee!  He probably doesn't trust you because he is guilty or because someone before you ruined him.  Personally, If this was me, I would take the out he has given me.  I wonder if he trusted you to begin with.\n\nI would leave, get pro-active, pilates, buy a new dress and get a new man!  One who isnt' abusive and a cheater!
1015983
Honey, it's absolutely NOT you!!!  You are YOU, not just his wife.  You are an adult and should be able to be friends with others, hobbies other than what he likes, etc.  You DON'T have to do everything together.  You are you're own person.  The fact that he doesn't trust you with  male co-workers is a classic sign that HE should NOT be trusted because his way of thinking is "Well, if I'm capable of doing it, she must be doing it too".  \n\nYou should not have to walk on eggshells in your own house.  My husband and I were having some problems and he made me feel like everything I did was wrong.  He got irritated by every move I made and everything I said and did and we were miserable.  I was so confused because it was my first (and hopefully only) marriage and I was extremely disappointed in marriage and him.  \n\nOne day I had an epiphany.  I was letting myself be changed by him.  I no longer stood up for what I thought and what I did or did not like.  I was no longer ME.  I hate to be crude, but one day I thought to myself "What the f*ck is wrong with me?  He married me.  All my thoughts, flaws, mistakes, passions, talents, everything.....and I've been hiding myself.  Well, screw that!!!" \n\nHe came home from work and I told him.  I WILL BE MYSELF AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN LEAVE BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT YOU AND BE HAPPIER.  IT'S YOUR CHOICE.\n\nTo tell the truth, our marriage has never been better and I'm crazy about him.  If he gets slightly irritated at something I do, too bad.  Everyone isn't perfect and he certainly isn't.  Suck it up, Man!!!  You are far from perfect!\n\nIf he doesn't change, get out.  Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you for everything you are.  Be yourself.\n\nTake care,\n\nJoyce
42846
You know your husband, so if he means what he says then forget about it. If you have some doubts about his claim, forget about it. Either way, bringing back up can only make the matter worse. IF and WHEN he wants to discuss it, it'll happen.
668756
Why are you continuing to put up with this? You asked him to do something to save your marriage, and he can't even do that?! Your marriage needs help. You need a counselor to talk about this, because obviously your husband has no concern for your feelings, by flirting and lying to you. He may even be cheating. Don't put up with this another minute! He's treating you like dirt. You deserve so much better.
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
302310
He's either going to trust you or he isn't.  There isn't anything you can do.  He's the one that has to do the doing.  He has to change.
758750
Tell him what you just told us and if he is willing to change then maybe try and work it out, but if he isn't then dump him.
949790
If it's huge enough for him to lie about, it's OK for you to be upset about it!  If he hadn't done anything wrong he wouldn't lie, he wouldn't hide things and go behind your back.  That tells me that he knows he is doing something wrong and does it anyway.  That also shows that he has little or no respect for you.  I would say give him an ultimatum... either he is honest with you or he has to go.  You don't even really have to do that, but it's up to you.  I guess if I were you I wouldn't care if he was in contact with guy friends, but if he's spending that much time talking to an ex it means he still has feelings for her and may have been (or still be) cheating on you with her.  If you still want to work on your relationship, get counseling with him.  It IS a big deal and he has no right to discount your feelings the way you say he does.  If he doesn't respect you, you wont change or fix him.  But if you get marriage counseling, you'll have the best chance of getting through this.  Sorry and good luck.
832716
he will never know the true u, he has a preconcieved idea of who he thinks u are, based on his own belief system, and his thinking. life is way to short to put up with a man who treats u as he does. sounds almost as if he don't really want to be there that maybe he would rather be somewhere else. he doesn't value you, if he did he would treat you better. if u have spoken to him and told him how u feel and still he continues to treat you like this, maybe it's time to get out of the marriage, and quit kidding yourself. when we get hurt it takes awhile to forgive and get over a trust issue, one can't just go back as they were. maybe it's time to make some changes for yourself, and decide if your really happy in this relationship. sounds as if you depend on him financially and need to stay for that reason, but that's never a good reason to stay with an angry hurtful person. sounds as if he hates himself, and maybe he has someone else in his life.