can anyone help me figure out how do deal w/mom dying?
957691
maria -\nYou don't need to get over it as other people have said you need to. As long as you don't end up hurting yourself you can deal with this however you want. You don't always need to feel happy but you don't need to be sad all the time either. You don't even have to know what you are feeling, as long as you are ok with that. If you don't know what a feeling is and you want to then talk with someone and figure it out. People will listen to you, trust me. Just do what you need to do. If you feel like you need to get up and exercise then get up and exercise, but if you feel like all you can do is stay at home and watch movies that's fine too, as long as you don't let it get to an extent where it is taking over your life. Remember: people can't tell you what to feel, it's up to you to do that. Others can only help you tell yourself what to feel. It's going to be hard, and no one knows that better than you right now, but you can pull through if you want to do so. People are there for you, remember that.
940359
im very sorry about losing your father and it takes time to get over losing someone that you love.i know your mother is dear to you and she is very sick and you have to be strong for her.your a young child and things just arent going your way and im very concerned about your situation.why dont you ask GOD for help?HE is stronger than any storm in your life and HE does hear our cries for help.HE knows your hurting from these things in your life that have caused heartache. i also have lost my entire family and its tough on a grown man and it twice as bad for a young person.i will pray for your mom and for you. i do know if you put your faith and trust in GOD everything will work out just trust HIM completely.GOD bless you dear one and know i am sincere about your life.
1136740
Do you remember your wedding vows in sickness and in health? You know if my spouse wasnt taking care of me and showing the love and support I needed I might just pack my things and say ADIOS! I mean given you need help if your mother is there to help you then take what you can get. If she isnt being a wife or partner at all then what is the marriage about? Sounds like a house full of misery to me. Thats the last thing you need you need some love and support regardless of the mistakes youve made. If she cant trust you or get over the things that happened maybe you guys should get some help with your marriage. Otherwise if she cant get over it, I think she isnt going to change how she feels and maybe the marriage is over. I think if I was sick with cancer Id want positive things in my life and if someone is dragging me down Id either talk to them about it and work it out or like I said if that doesnt work and youve exhausted other options, stay with your mom. You need positive reinforcement right now to help you get through. Good luck.
390778
My dad died a few months before your dad did.  He had lung cancer that spread throughout his body.  I was there with him when he died, as was my mom and the hospice nurse.  I can feel your pain.  All I can tell you is what I believe.  I believe my dad heard me when I told him that it was time for him to go; that I would take care of my mom.  He heard me and knew that I loved him.  The pain will never entirely disappear, but it gets easier.  There are difficult weeks and months (anniversary of his death, his birthday, holidays), but overall it gets easier.  I will tell you that if it is not getting easier by this point, you may be stuck in the grief process and would benefit from talking to someone, a counselor or minister perhaps.\n\nMy heart goes out to you!
746749
omg do i know what you mean i am in the same boat with my mother i ask the Dr this question he told me the ones they are closest to they try to push us away so when they pass its not so hard on them he also told me that its like a survival mode she is doing it and not aware hope this helps e-mail me maybe we can be each others strength and sounding board hey remember you are doing a good job ask older sister to come over and sit while you get out if like my brother fat chance will happen take her out for rides i wear moms butt out driving makes her so tired and less fussy call and see if you are available for elder-care in your area its like a day care that go by income if you have children you are eligible for state help if not try elder day care cause you don't want her to pass and you have no way of supporting yourself cause you will be grieving plus trying to find a job and make ends meet happened to my best friend she lost everything me i am a cna which is a nurses aide and i work wk- ends only and have my oldest son come over while i work you have to plan for the future i know that sounds mean and i am sorry god i love you so much and don't know you and i feel your pain good luck
880641
You didn't state the reason that you are trying to avoid your Mom but can I say one thing to you?\nMy Mother and I were (past tense) so much alike that we fought constantly and like you I tried to avoid her.\nShe passed away several years ago and I've only recently come to a place in my life where I've overcome the severe guilt that I felt - I "could" have been a better daughter but at times chose not to be.\nIf I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to enjoy your Mom while you have her.\nTry to find some ground that you share common interests in and focus on that.  You may just discover that your Mom is a nice person.  Regardless, always remember she is your Mom and is due respect.\nTo receive, we must first give.\nHope this helps.
512535
You both are young. The death of a loved one at any age is hard. All the other answers says it all. You can't cheer her up. Nothing will at this time. You didn't say if she believed in God. But that is what is helping me right now.It was her Mom's time. It's sad that she had to go via car wreck. Let her cry. Here are some ideas that I have done and will do myself(I lost my 82 year old Mama in March this year). I planted a small flower garden in her memory. Nothing big or elaborate. My Mama loved flowers any and all. Her b-day is in a week. We still plan on having her a party.I'm getting helium balloons and we are going to write her a special message and let them go. We realize she won't get them, but hey-Who knows?? Just be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Let her remember her Mom. Remind her of something funny her Mom did. Don't let her dwell on the bad times that all mothers and daughters have. I can tell you; us Moms wouldn't want our children to remember those times. Sit down with her if she wants to look at pictures of her and her Mom in happier times. Some people will tell her thats the wrong thing to do. Maybe-Maybe not. God will help her.Have her read scriptures in the Bibles that will encourage her.Just be her friend.Her Mom is just a memory away.I'll be praying for you and her.You will have a rough road being her friend, her pain is yours. God Bless you for wanting to help her.
759282
Hey sweetie...we all grieve in our own way and  our own timing. You are not a horrible person, it is very normal the way you feel.  I Praying can give you and your family strength, it  helps to get through these times, even if you do not believe in God but a higher power.  Talking to whom ever is willing to listen helps with the grieving. You are entitled to feel whatever you are feeling and then know you will get past it.  A simple I love you MOM when she comes back will be enough...and you will find that words will come that you didn't even think of.  Bless you and your family.
809212
I am sorry for you. I lost my mother 3 years on thanksgiving and every day I miss her. I lost her to colon cancer that spread to the rest of her body. I know what you are feeling and I hate that it hits me even more on her death day and on her birthday. I sometimes wish that I can see her alive just one more time so I can ask her if there was anything more I could of done for her when she was going through that. I was blessed to have taken care of her at home till the end. But you will always be sad for your mother because that love you received from her, you will get nowhere else. God bless you.
13746
She's your mom. If she hasn't let go at this point, she probably won't. Make sure she knows you love her, then do what you have to do. She'll get over it. Moms are like that.
505980
Spend time with her, help her with life's small stuff, and help her be calm while you wait for the outcome. We are handling my father's lung cancer. He won't let on, but he is scared. So, we, his 5 kids, + my mom spend as much time being around him "talking about regular stuff" in between all of the doctor's appointments, etc.  It helps to make him feel needed- not like we're babysitting him. So, my sisters and I ask him random "gardening questions" and other things that he likes to do. It helps take his mind off of the constant waiting for test results and next therapies. Be a good kid, no matter how old you are. Our dad is 75, so we're not teeny boppers any more, either. It's nice to have a parent feel like a good parent, regardless of age.\n(www.TheDorkyMom.com)
1174723
I am 58, and in those years I have lost friends and loved one including both parents.  My only suggestion to you is to do what you need to for yourself.  In my opinion this is by far the most important thing a survivor can do.  When my Dad died, I did a number of things.  I was always with the him if he wasn't locked away somewhere safe.  I had my Boy Scout pin buried with him, my Mother gave me his pin.  Scouting was important to both of us.  I flew with him to his final resting place.  I put the first shovel full of dirt in the grave.  At one point my Mother became worried about me, my Brother understood.  He told Mother I was on a mission and would be back as soon as the mission was complete.  You see I am retired from the military and we do things a bit different.  So do what you need to do for yourself, you never want to look back and say "I wish I had done thus and such".\n\nThe important thing to remember is that what you are feeling is perfectly normal.  There are stages of grief as follows:\n\nDENIAL --- The just can't be dead.\nANGER --- Why did they have to die?\nBARGAINING --- God help me get through this.\nDEPRESSION --- Oh God, what am I going to do. \nACCEPTANCE --- OK, they are dead and I am powerless to do anything about it.  I must live on...\n\nOne more story.  When my Dad died I decided to cut his lawn the following day.  When I tried to start the mower, it was out of gas.  At that moment I was absolutely dumb struck.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't think to look for a gas can, it never occurred to me that I could buy some, and so on.  If it hadn't been for a neighbor, I would still be setting on that empty lawn mower in the middle of the garage with absolutely no clue as to what to do next.\n\nI hope this helps some.  I understand how much you are hurting and I am terribly sorry for your loss.  It will take some time, but rest assured, you will get through this.  \n\nContact information is available on my profile.
689573
my heart goes out to you miss.a mothers' love is a blessing.did your mum have or do you have siblings. sometimes when we grieve we feel other family members are less sensitive or caring than they should be. this too makes the grief harder to bear.the memories of your mum will lessen and gently fade away, but never forgotten, the cherished moments will be an everlasting treasure.forever. soon you will be in a new stage a new beginning of love and happiness.sieze the moment miss, and devote your time and enery to this new unlimited life.your mum would wish this for your well-being.totally and absolutely. here is a wee poem it used to hang in my mothers'house,our house.it's called  Today, Yesterday has vanished,we only know today,Tomorrow is a vision,forever on the way.The thrill of daily action,the hopes and glories too.Are crowded in the moments that TODAY will hold for you.  good luck.
350151
Contact the AMerican Cancer Society. They can offer help to you and your mom. They can send you information, find doctors, explain chemo or medication questions, and they can help find someone you can talk to about your feelings.\n\nI will keep you and your mom  in my prayers!!
295252
I don't know if there is a way to really get over it. She is your mom.  I do know how you feel.  My relationship with my mom has always been strained I always just let her say whatever and took it.  I eventually backed away and we didn't talk for a while. Then we slowly started talking again.  We still talk but don't have a close relationship.  I would give it some time and let her cool down.  Hopefully she will come around.  Hang in there.  But remember that even if she is your mom she shouldn't put you down and she should support you.  So even if you do have a relationship again with her don't rely on her for emotional support.
158689
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  It's so hard when a parent dies.  My Dad just died last month.  My cousin told me that the first 2 weeks would be the hardest and he was right, but it may be different for everyone. Personally, I got so much strength from remembering him as the great person he always was. Think of all the wonderful memories and ways that you admired him. Everyday you'll find happy little reminders of him and that will help to ease your pain. Of course everyone needs a mourning period but it doesn't have to be a totally dark experience. Take time to remember the lighter parts of life you had with him.  I found that keeping myself busy helped me a lot too.  Please remember that he would want you to remember these times and to live the rest of your life as he would have lived his.  I hope this helps your transition.
501097
First, Im sorry that you are going through such a horrific experience. However, Your are comforting your mother in the best way possible. Telling her the truth helps her prepare and say and do the things she needs to before leaving this place. Your honesty will let her lay in peace and your love will keep her alive longer warm and happy!\n\nMy thoughts are are with you and your family! xoxox