Dad has changed too much for me?
951710
i went through a very similar experience, though my parents were just divorced, but my dad was with my stepmother before my parents separated. she's this woman who completley changed him, in every way. he knows this because he cant be himself around her totally. im not sure how to give you advice because it sounds like your dads wife is just as crazy. i basically gave up the fight after awhile and havent really seen my dad. maybe some family therapy? im not sure, i just know its hard to deal with and i understand what you're going through. i hope that things get better! sorry this wasnt so much advice, as a comment but thats all i got.
1070916
probably.... i have a problem with that myself.... i think its that with every new bad-boy boyfriend, i feel like its a challenge, like, maybe he will want to change for me... because im the one.... its not true, and its foolish.... \n\ni wish i could give you an easy way out, but unfortunately i cant. i'm finally out of that phase, thank God! But i know this, the reason i cant give you a list of ways to change is because you have to learn the hard way....it will make you appreciate your good guy some day so much more, and it will make you wise....\n\ngood luck, be strong! remember, actions speak louder than words, it you hear things from more than 2 random people, it's probably true, and don't beleive everything you hear.... our parents were right about one thing - guys will say ANYTHING!
995421
Everyone has left pretty good advice so far.  I know this could be hard...you want to be a cool dad but you are concerned about your daughter.  Do whatever it takes to make her stop.  Being cool doesn't do anything, I know that from personal experience.  Do something and do it now.  Make your point known.  My parents did stuff I hated as a kid, but when I finally grew up, I realized their wisdom and how their strictness on such things made me who I am today.  Be strong man, and good luck!  I wish the best for you in this tough situation!
187709
Time heals. I was in a similar situation some years ago, and when I eventually spoke to someone else who had spoken to him 'near the end' I found out that a Father's love did not seek to judge me - just wanted me to have a good life after he had gone. He was of the opinion that we all have to go sometime and family guilt achieved nothing but took a lot away. Let the guilt lift as time goes by. I feel sure He would have wanted you to.\n\nHave a nice life.
302165
It doesn't sound like you are being taken for a fool. You are describing consistent and positive changes in your husband's behavior. What a blessing! It's so refreshing to see a couple get the help they need. If you're not ready to live together again yet, how about courting each other? Maybe you need a totally fresh start. Go on dates and get to know each other again. And go on family outings. Be up front with your kids that you and daddy love each other and are trying to work things out. I believe in time you will see that he truly has changed for the better. Give your marriage a chance. I think you're going to be very happy!\n\nGod Bless!
96026
Try having a conversation with (and yes i am serious) Mom. Just talk to her and find out why she calls him all the time, don't be rude or ugly, just talk to her and find out more about their relationship and what his childhood was like. Could be that there are some reasons for her overinvolvement and maybe she is just as anxious to help him become less dependent on her too. If nothing else you might be able to get to know her well enough to ask her as politely as you can to relax a little. You might learn that maybe Mom isn't the clinger  and the guy is and the two of you can work on him together, and if she likes you and thinks you respect her enough to come to her with your issue instead of running to him and complaining you will earn her respect and maybe even her blessing. And while that might not matter at all to you I can assure you that it does to him.
854669
Yeah, I understand, hon.  It's tough to lose a dad. I lost my dad when I was 24, and it wasn't easy for me either.  Was your dad ill, or was his death sudden?  We don't know why God chooses his special people to be with Him, but know that wherever he is, your dad is watching over you, protecting you from harm, and loving you.  Meantime, talk things over with your mom, and your brothers and sisters if you have any, or even your friends.  Talking about the good times you had with your dad really helps.  In time, the pain will be a lot less, and you'll just be left with good memories.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Good luck and God Bless!
564311
Your heart for your dad is in the right place. \n\nYou say your dad's a good person. And he does act like he still loves you. So it's possible that he DOES still love you, and thinks the situation is somehow resolved or that you've managed to move past it.\n\nBut it still hurts you, so you need to talk to him about it.\n\nThink about the fight, assuming that your dad loves you and is a good person. First, was it possible your dad had a good reason (at least to him) for thinking you were wrong in that situation? It's just something to think about, so that you can understand his perspective. \n\nAlso, the comment you claim to have made was very aggressive ("Are you going to let her talk to me like that?!") and also put your dad in a terrible bind -- you basically made him choose between two people he loves. Ouch. \n\nThat's a horrible position for him to be placed in, and some people react in anger at being forced to respond to such things. \n\nYou love him, you're pretty sure he loves you. So tell him you were hurt by what happened, that you feel like he chose this woman over you (despite your having the "stronger" claim in some ways), and you want badly to know that he really does deeply love you.\n\nYou can try to forgive him from a distance, but it will be much easier if you can talk to him openly (without attacking him) about how you felt and how badly you want to know he still loves you.\n\nI would also ask him what he loves about his partner, and the things that makes him want to stick with her, despite some problems. Show some real interest in the things that matter to him. That will help him be more open to you in turn.\n\nThe fight itself (who was right or wrong between you and your father's drunk partner) might never get resolved, but that's not the issue anyway: You miss your father, and you want to feel loved by and close to him again. So focus on that.
673949
Go with the one that will make you a better person...your dad. Getting nice stuff is very shallow and not a good reason. Time to grow up.
1107309
Your Dad is obviously wrong from the simple fact that he is your Dad. That makes him wrong. That is his role in life. It's what he was born for.
409848
My dad and I had a similar situation.  I moved in with him at 15 and we partied all the time.  But when I got older, I couldn't take the aftermath of a good bender. I didn't want to be like that drunk old man that didn't have a license, and broke his leg riding home from a bar on a bicycle.  I had a hard time breaking away, he was my dad and we'd be through hell together.  But I had to realize that he had at least started most of the trouble in the beginning.  And that I didn't want him to use me to validate his addictions.  Like saying "that's how we bond".  Usually I just resented him more after we partied.  I haven't seen my dad in 5 years.  I miss him, and I love him, but he's lost everything.  They have to want to quit like we did.  Sometimes, like once a year, I call him.  Make sure he's still alive and doing ok.  But from my experience, they only get worse.  Last time I called my dad had lost the house, his job, living with 4 other people in a house that should be condemned.  He's 51 and having seizures when he goes sober for hours.  I love him soooo much, but I can't bring that beer to him, roll his j, drive him around or keep his dealers off his butt anymore.  Just pray alot, think about the good times and move far enough away that she can't find you until you're independent enough to say no to her.
183447
It's a tough situation.  I don't know if this will help you now but maybe later.  My Mom died when I was 12 and my father got a woman that I didn't like.  Grownups need someone to share their lives that they can communicate with in a loving manner.  I realized this and when my Dad asked me if I wanted him to leave her I knew that I could not replace the enjoyment she gave him.  So I told him I was happy that they were together.  He died of cancer a few years later, but they were happy years for him.  I guess adults need to feel affection and support from their partners and you may find benefits in having 1 parent, if not both, who are more content. I sympathize with you, just try to concentrate on your own life for now.  Things always change.
567259
If it's not his dad, keep clear.  Maybe he's taking over a dad's responsibility.  Keep clear again.  This kid will need a dad.  If his 'dad' is doing everything a dad needs to to then leave well alone.  Don't cause friction.  If the kid is happy with the arrangement, leave well alone.  They'll work it out in the future.  Don't interfere.  Let fate take it's toll without your input.
100792
I am sorry to hear about your father. Sounds like your mother may need some help.  I can't begin to give you advice, but my heart goes out to you and your family.
504389
you answered your own question, seek counseling to resolve the issues you have with your father, this will take care of the authority issues you have with your current or any future male  boss
781362
No curses.  I hope that your father will be allowed the freedom to live his life the way HE wants to.  If I ever tried to dictate how my father lives his life, he would tell me to concern myself with my own life.  Perhaps you could try that.
1002439
i know it may be awkward, but i have an overprotective father too and  just talk to him. do not get defensive though. you could say something like "dad i know you're worried about me, and i really appreciate you looking out for me, but i need you to trust me. i know you might be worried that i'll be pressured into doing something i don't want to or i'm not ready for and i can tell you right now that will not happen." you just really need to open up to him and more importantly, listen to what he has to say. ask him why he seems worried. if you havent already, invite the guy over to have dinner with your parents. if he has just been coming over and hasn't sat down with them, they would probably be a little suspicious. make sure he brings flowers or something to eat, parents love that!! good luck!!