When the trust is lost & you forgive your spouse & continue to live together.will same matter still haunt u?
952729
You can forgive but you will never forget!  Trust me, I've tried.
498772
ABSOLUTELY!!\nMy husband and I have just celebrated our 27th anniversary married and 28th together. The love we have today is much more than what we had on our wedding day. Our relationship is stronger and deeper than ever because of the 28 years we have been through together. You always hear the saying "through all the ups and downs", well it is so true. There were so many times during the first 5 years that I could have said "see ya". But I didn't. We had our first after we'd been married two years, he lost his job shortly after she was born and jobs were real hard to find so we had no money. We had to rely on family and other means to survive. But we did. I had faith in him and I had my Faith in God that we would get through. \nThere were many other financial hardships through the years that should have torn us apart and would have torn other couples apart, but we refused to let that happened becaused we loved each other and had faith in our marriage. We worked together. There was one time around our 17th year that we separated for awhile but I am too bullheaded to let him throw all that time away. So with some fight and work we saw what we needed to do and what we had done. We took each other for granted.\nOur marriage today is stronger, more passionate and devoted than ever. We have a greater understanding of what each other needs--time for each other and for ourselves. Be there for each other but know when to step back and stand beside each other for each other against all others no matter what.\nHe is my heart and soul. He is in law enforcement and I send him out every night with a kiss, a hug and I love you. The rest is in God's hand. I know there is always a chance that he may not come home or he may get seriously hurt. I take that chance because I love him that much. I can honestly tell you this much. If for some reason I would lose him to his job or by nature, he will be it for me. There will be no other in my life. That is how deep he is in my life.\nSo yes, there is long-lasting relationships and deep abiding love. It takes two to make them and lots of hard work every day. But the rewards are worth every minute of the life you will have together.\nI hope this helps
39317
HOPEFULLY I WILL. WHILE MY 1ST MARRAIGE WAS A DISMAL FAILURE (MOSTLY BECAUSE OF MYSELF), I MISS THE BOND AND THE FEELINGS INVOLVED IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. HOPEFULLY, I HAVE LEARNED SOME LESSONS THAT I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED LONG AGO.
139397
Depends on how well you can forgive and forget...I think the more time apart the better . Put some distance between the memories and have room for maturity.
98412
For them to have gone outside the relationship there had to have been some issues, either with them or between u both. Before anything address those problemz. It also dependz on what u feel for that person and how they feel for u. If there'z luv there and a willingness to work thingz out, then there might be sumthing to save. Also, u have to remember, if u do decide to stay in ur marriage that u have to forgive that person and u have to start clean, u can't use their infidelity as fire power for later spatz....that will eventually cause more problemz. Hope this helpz :-)
116591
the only way you can regain trust is both parties are willing to put what ever the problem was in the past and not ever bring it up again. And I'm sorry to say that is a hard thing to do. Anytime a argument comes up and if its on the sme lines as the problem it will come up again, and again,and again. But If the both of you want trust back then you'll work on it,but it wont be easy.
844001
I guess it would depend on the circumstances of the divorce. Mine was due to lying, adultery, and mental illness (all on his part). After 12 1/2 yrs. of marriage and 2 1/2 yrs. of being apart it's getting harder and harder to remember the good times. I know they existed but the details are fuzzy now. I remember the hurtful times more - mostly because those are what you dwell on the most immediately after your spouse leaves. Emotions are usually high then and often negative. That is what sticks with you.\n\nAfter 27 yrs. of marriage I think it would be difficult to forget everything - especially if there were lots of good times (special vacation spots, things you both enjoyed doing together on a regular basis, events with the kids, etc.). It's a bit harder to go about rebuilding a new life after that kind of time together. You were probably so familiar to each other as the air you breathed at that point. I would have loved to get to that point in my marriage.\n\nPeople say after that long you take each other for granted, that things are 'boring'. That kind of being taken for granted and familiarity (also referred to as boring) has it's plus side. It has the opportunity to be a deeper, more satisfying, lasting love than what you can get from an affair or new relationship. Even while your brain is producing those wonderful chemical reactions to give you that 'in love' feeling it's hard to compare to 27 yrs. of someone being by your side. Even the stalest relationships can have new life breathed into them with a little effort and regular 'tune-ups'. Unless there was abuse I just couldn't imagine walking away from someone after that long. If it wasn't an amicable parting I feel very sorry for you both.
38385
i would forgive the 1st time, afterall we're married, no matter how long he has been doing it...we gotta work it out for our kids, right? it would take time to 4get things, though...he does it the 2nd time & bam! he's out the door.
787705
its a question-maybe-I let my x back -but the marriage was never the same-but the most important thing is to pray and let Jesus into your heart to forgive even one lie in our life and help us do better-amen  Revelation 3:19&20 -he healed my heart and I am ready to trust again-only in a new marriage Lord willin---WILL BE PRAYIN FOR YOU TOO
745225
I believe you can,But thats not saying it won't come up in the future and cause problems! You have to earn your trust back!!!!!!
491649
After having been married for 9 years, I also have this problem.  I got used to my husband, I was familiar with all his good points as well as his bad.  After going through the pain of a divorce its hard to trust again and to allow yourself to know someone as intimately as you did your former spouse; as well as to let someone in on who you are deep inside...  you did it once, and look where it got you...\n\nI understand.  Maybe one day we'll be healed emotionally enough to test the waters once more.  Trust is a hard thing to come by and a hard thing to give someone else.
669782
no...you have to trust again at some point.  just be careful at first, and give yourself plenty of time to heal from the wounds others have given you.  you can't go through life not trusting anyone.  just be careful about who you trust, and don't do it right away.  make them earn your trust.
705102
You know so far everyone basically has said NO. I disagree. First of all it does not matter what his resaon was cause bottom line is its wrong and he knows it. You have a choice to make not necessarily him. Trust is what married people live and die by and it is very hard to regain or earn back. If this is a marriage you mutually think is worth salvaging then unfortunately you're the one that will have to deal with the affair more than him. Be frank and sit down, discuss your future if there is a chance for one. Don't ask for the details, its not worth it because you will be hurt and he will not want to discuss them. Even if this happened yesterday it is still considered the past and we can never change the past. From now on agree to start the trust process over and it will be hard, think about it...if he's late from work what is your 1st thought, phone rings and they hang up what is your 1st thought...exactly. You can think it all you want but some days traffic really is going to be bad, think it just don't accuse him only if you see a pattern then thats fair. Its hard I know cause I've gone through it and after 15 years marriage. You must try hard not to punish him for life or use it as a weapon every time you have an arguement to throw in his face though its so tempting. This is more work on your part.You will know if whatever he had on the outside is worth more to him than what he has at home but you will also know that at least you tried. I always say "You can FORGIVE but you will NEVER forget" Its been 6 yrs for me and I still at times think about it time to time but we are people and we will always make mistakes, the decent ones try to correct them. Remember do not throw it in his face as punishment, if he is sorry and regretful he is dealing with his own internal guilt and that will last him a lifetime. Good luck, been there. email me if you want to talk. Bye
657439
Do you think that you'll ever be able to trust him again?  Is he changed?  Is he sorry that he cheated on you?
992531
First of all if he has done this you have biblical grounds to leave him and to divorce. This is frustrating and hurtful and i am so glad you brought this up today.\nMarriage vows are not respected any more because of hardness of hearts and selfish people who seem to forget their vows and they don't want to live by them any more. Very sad indeed. It is very hard to cope with this kind of betrayal and the person being hurt needs to seek counseling and help to heal from this and to get past it. If the partner continues to do so and is not remorseful and does not want to change then walk away and divorce and do not look back. People just dont respect marriage anymore and dont care about the sanctity of it. They have what i call lapse of memory of commitment love and honor for each other. They seem to forget the vows and refuse to live by them and remember that they vowed til death do we part....\nHowever if the spouse is truley sorry and changes and wants to work it out it is the persons place who was hurt to try to forgive and work on the marriage and try to restore and heal it and seek marriage counseling together with their spouse.
794898
wow!  I have been married to my husband for 9 years this January.  We have overcome some horrible conditions.  I do not want to go into detail here online.  However, I love my husband despite the things we have been thru.  Infidelity was not one of the issues, but we were involuntarily separated for 3yrs 8 mos.  We have been thru things with our ex's...just about anything that could go wrong has...Now, we are best friends and know each other inside and out.  Trauma brought us closer...it is often not that way in marriages.  We're blessed that way..I had to spend Thanksgiving alone again this year...but we will get thru this.  So, the answer is yes.  Despite everything and everyone, if you want to overcome, you will.
241123
Probably no, if it's not in a particular situation.\n\nI agree with awpw : even if you forgive him, you'll always be wondering what they are doing because you have a right not to trust them (you just can't - there'll be always an obssesion, it makes you suspect, question ... everything he does, if he does honestly ...) its too much worry and stress... It won't let you live in peace ...