How do you deal with a multiple personality spouse?
954069
I'm sure you've gotten plenty of help on this one but has any one suggested that he get a physical, maybe he is suffering from depression, or blood pressure problems, or sugar problems, I know with me if my sugar goes up I can be easily irritated and become angry in a flash, my blood pressure will also shoot up at that time, I'm not trying to defend him , only looking at it openly!
436930
I think this person you are referring to has multiple personalities. ("themself?")
660532
Only you know your husband, what exactly works for one is not right for another.  He has to go and if you allow him play into fears it will not help.
271168
multiple wives? are you crazy. multiple lovers ok, maybe...\none wife could nag you to death more than one would just be inhumane
270913
Be nice, you don't have to hang around her or be around her especially if she is a problem. You don't have to put yourself thru any missery, know matter who it is, family or foe. Life is too precious to put up with people like that. I would stay away as much as possible but don't let it come between you and your spouse. Love conquers all. Pray too.
807695
it is possible to be in love with more than one person. i am guessing you love your spouse and are comfortable with them. and the other one is more exciting now since it is new.that excitement will wan. try and picture yourself with out your husband and examine how it really makes you feel. you have to weigh the pros and cons. good luck i have been there
439201
I can imagine how complicate it is to have such a person in your environment. Sometime it could be a member of your family, your spouse, and then it is much more complicate. \n\nIf you have such a person in your workplace, just remember one important thing; DO NOT feel sorry. \n\nHe/she is not so poor and weak and self-victimizing persons survive in this world very well. They use their "victim position" to manipulate with people, to emotionally and morally blackmail them, what is very exhausting. People in their surrounding usually feel confused, guilty, exhausted. They feel like they cannot help them, cannot do or say the right thing...\n\nDon't let him/her drag you in his/her vicious circle. If you find yourself feel sorry or sad, stop it. Don't empathize and don't try to help or offer the solution. Try to concentrate on your work and let her know it from the very beginning of your working day. If she starts to talk about problems, listen to her politely to some extend, then show her that you "accept" and "understand" what she told you and then either change the subject or tell her that now you have to concentrate on your duties. You can eventually tell her that she is the one who has to resolve her problems and that you cannot help her, but don't let yourself be a part of her problems. And don't be surprised if she reacts on it as if you are not empathic enough, you don't understand her or something like that. This is a usual strategy to make you feel guilty, because SOMEBODY HAS TO BE GUILTY, for her. Stay out and remember that it is not easy. If nothing helps, talk with your superior to eventually move you to another office.\n\nadditional details:\nYou obviously know him very well. You said that those persons are like chameleons and are very good in that. That is exactly the characteristic of manipulator. Don't blame yourself for feeling sorry and offer a support. It is normal human reaction and every normal person would do that. But if you feel permanently guilty and exhausted in communication with him, stop it. YOUR guilty feelings and exhausting are sure signs that you have a problem with manipulator. NOBODY HAS A RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THAT.
383925
It's unfortunate that there is a third person involved because he is going to blind her and confuse her thinking.  You really need to remind her to think about the children.  This person she is seeing is not going to take her serious with two children; I just can't see that happen.  Definately discuss this issue with her as well.  She is being extremely selfish; I don't know what led you to seperate but either she wants a divorce or she doesn't.  Talking to another person is a terrible idea if she wants to make things work out with you and you have to put your foot down and asap.  Best of luck to you!! OMG!
1059849
i know how you feel.  except mine is a 3 year old tantrum king!  spouse is deployed and we're far from home so i feel your pain...almost like being a single parent.  i enrolled him in a day program.  i feel like such a better parent when i see him.  i have a chance to miss him.  he is soooo feisty and just an all around boy he drives me nuts so having him burn his energy for 4 hours a day and then coming home...he's nice and relaxed and doesn't fight me when it's bed time.   also, you probably heard the saying.....terrible 2's, horrible 3's......lol
861314
Get to the basics. Let go the ego and the false pride. Accept mistakes and compromise.\nLive happily everafter.
240689
The sad and simple truth is that you can't. It takes two people to make marriage work, and one person working overtime to salvage something that may or may not be there is very heart wrenching and quite simply not fair to the person making all the sacrifices to make things work. Eventually feelings of resentment kick in and you end up fighting more than you did to start off with, because you're trying harder than the other person.\n\nThe best thing to do would be to accept failure (both your spouse's and yours,) and try to move on with your life from that point. Trying to hold on to the past when you're the only one working toward a brighter future only brings about more pain when the "end" eventually comes (i.e. divorce). Start preparing yourself for the worst, but know that you have done everything in YOUR power to save your marriage.\n\nLife will eventually work itself out, and you will be a happier person in the long run. Finding love again with another person can happen when you least expect it!! Good luck..
460197
I think that you should talk to him and ask him what is bothering him?. How long has he been accusing you of this?. Did something happen lately that made him start acting like that?. How long have you been married?. The first year it the toughest so hang in there and just try to be open and honest with him. communication is very important, i have been married for almost 19 years and i can tell you communication is very important
635280
Wow, this is tough...I think that it's tough because of the children, if you were a childless couple then I would say move on but when there are kids involved it's not that easy. How long were you together before you got married? It must not have been long because you say that this is a personality type that your not accustomed too and if you were with her for awhile you would have seen her true personality.\n\nIt seems to me that your in a quandary and the only advice I can give to you is counseling. If she is unwilling to go you need to go by yourself so that you are able to make well thought out decisions. I lived for 15 yrs. with a man that had no personality and he was very hard on the kids. I put up with this dysfunctional behavior for a long time and when I did leave it was hard but in the end it all worked out and it was worth the struggles we went through. The reason why I am telling you this is sometimes marriages do not work out and most of the time it is for the better. I am not telling you to give up on your marriage but if she is unwilling to compromise then that maybe the answer. I wish you the best of luck with your decisions.
1035983
Sorry you are dealing with 2 psychos that don't know their place.  I'd ignore them as much as possible, but I would put my foot down if they tried to run your life. Your hubby is going to deal with them as he chooses b/c they are his family, but I think they need to see that you are not to be messed with.  When you say no, don't waver.  They can leave if they don't like it.  Let them try to manipulate all they want. It's up to you to not allow them to mess with your life.  Your husband will see them for who they are. And he may step up and tell them to back off in private so they save face. But either way, you can't control him or them....just put your foot down.  Good luck. My mother in law is a manipulative witch.  My husband just  wants to move far away from her and gets tired of her behavior, but feels he can't change his mom.  I think he's right.
1138883
I don't quite understand the whole situation given what you've said.  My suspicion is that your husband is displeased with aspects of the marriage.  His displeasure may be within your control or out of your control.  I can't tell from what you've asked in your question.\n\nCommunication is key, but communication of what?  It seems to me that communication of your values and your goals as individuals in a marriage is ultimately what needs to be done.  When you talk about what each of you values and what each of you is striving for, you may find there are commonalities between you.  Where there are commonalities, likely there will be some feelings of respect, appreciation, and synergy.  Where there are differences, potentially there will be conflict.  If you find you have a lot of differences with respect to values and goals, it will be in your best interests as a couple in a marriage to see how you two can BOTH get what you want wherever possible.  This is where compromise comes in, but compromise DOES NOT MEAN one person has to give up his or her values or goals.  Instead, it means both keep their values or goals, it's just that at times, they may have to pull back on them a little bit.  Bargaining whenever there is conflict is one way to reach agreement, a compromise that is satisfying for you both.\n\nIt sounds as if your husband was very disappointed that you left for California for 4 days.  I do not know the conditions of your leaving.  However, if you discussed with him that you were hoping to do this with your son ahead of time, and offered your husband the opportunity to have some say in the matter, you may have found that you could go to California for 4 days AND have your husband happy.  He may merely have been concerned about the well-being of his son.  Or, he might just have wanted his opinions respected in the matter.\n\nAgain, I'm not sure of your situation, and if he's saying he can't "handle it anymore," that may be a signal that he has let you get what you want at the cost of his feeling frustrated and disrespected.  That is, he may feel his values and goals are not being respected.  To win him back, it may take your appreciation of his values and goals.  But inevitably, it means both of you getting what you want, not just one, and not just the other.\n\nI hope you find this response helpful.  Best of luck to you both and your son.
174326
Well you have 2 choices as I see it...\n\nYou can try to be better in more ways than the other person your husband is seeing...\n\nOr you can move on to not allow him to hurt you any more...\nEither one is very hard and requires lots of work on your part...\n\nNo one ever said it would be easy...\nI have been there, so I know...\nI have been divorced twice and those were always my only options...
1088474
I have decided after two marriages that there are different kinds of love, you do what makes YOU feel the best.  You won't be able to change your husband, and I know from experience, they may try to change, but it rarely works out, and if so only temporarily.\nIt ends up not being fair to either one of you.  Don't take a chance on losing your new love...........