How do you know when someone is an alcoholic?  How do you help?
971352
AA has some reasonable guidelines and advice.\n\n"Not all alcoholics have the same symptoms, but many — at different stages in the illness — show these signs: They find that only alcohol can make them feel self-confident and at ease with other people; often want “just one more” at the end of a party; look forward to drinking occasions and think about them a lot; get drunk when they had not planned to; try to control their drinking by changing types of liquor, going on the wagon, or taking pledges; sneak drinks; lie about their drinking; hide bottles; drink at work (or in school); drink alone; have blackouts (that is, can- not remember the next day what they said or did the night before); drink in the morning, to relieve severe hangovers, guilty feelings and fears; fail to eat and become malnourished; get cirrhosis of the liver; shake violently, hallucinate, or have convulsions when withdrawn from liquor. "
999844
You've passed the enough stage.  Don't fight with a drunk...it's usless.  You need to pack your bags and leave.  It's the only way.  Most Alcoholics don't stop drinking until they reach rock bottom...l'd get him there quick if you want to save his life.
360520
The question isn't about whether or not he's an alcoholic. That's besides the point. The real issue is that his habits are preventing him from being a responsible, reliable husband and father. What happens if you decide to have a few drinks while relaxing at home one day? Who will pick up the kids then? Who will buy the groceries to feed the family? What if an emergency comes up and both of you are too intoxicated to drive? Why is it fair that he can lounge around and drink, leaving all of the responsibilities to you? You need to have a long, serious talk with him. Don't make the issue out to be that he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics are in denial and that will only infuriate him. Make the issue to be that his "habits" are preventing him from helping you with the daily household responsibilities.
829604
I was so bad of an alcoholic that I was put on antabuse to prevent me from drinking. I haven't drank in 4 years. Yes, it is tough. Yes you will feel so thirsty that you feel parched. Yes, it will even be tougher than I am telling you. But all of the sudden, one day, you will get up and the sun will actually fell warm and look wonderful again. The smell of familiar things will make you want to cry again for the love of it not the pain. It does not sound silly. Your wine has been your friend and your comfort. But it has become your enemy now and you have to tell yourself that. Go to alcoholics anonymous and get a sponsor. Someone you can talk to. To relate with. That really helps. And guess what?? After a few years you can have a drink. Just know that when you do, you will drink until drunk and plan for it. I can drink now and control it instead of it controlling me. Because it was my best friend and your sickness knows you better than anyone. Call AA tonite.
582162
Take care of your drinking problem first. If he is non supportive, then you need to find someone else. At least you acknowledged that you had a problem and are doing something about it. If you stay in that problem, you will have more serious things to worry about than your boyfriend. If people you care about cannot be there for you when you are in a personal crisis, then that should open your eyes up about them, and how "shallow" they are. Some people view seeking help from an outside org. such as AA, as a sign of weakness. That is the dumb thinking of prideful people, who would rather go down with the ship than to reach for a life saver. If they are willing to go down like that, then believe that they would also take you down with them! Hopefully your b/f will come around, and stop being selfish. Nevertheless, whatever he does, don't let it stop you from helping yourself.
47485
Helping because you want to help is one thing.  But helping with something attached ...like ok I help you but you need to be or do something is another. If you have expectations, let them be known in advance.  Like yes, you can move in, eat my food, use my car but the minute you even touch my stereo you are dead.  Or my wife.  Whatever. Doing or being all helpful with a secret motive (unknown to the guy you are helping) could be co-dependence. Or you just like looking like a sap.  Not trying to be offensive, just clear.  \n\nIf you say you have trouble turning your back on people, my guess is you may be co-dependant.  Maybe the people arew users and drug abusers, learn it is not your fault and you are not alone,  for every alcoholic and drug user there are co-deps out there that belong to them.  I think they creat the perfect atmosphere for co-dependants to thrive on...
586023
You have taken the first step in admitting that you "may" have a problem. To answer your question, YES, you do have a problem with alcohol. What to do?!? The first step is admitting that you do have a problem...Congratulations! Next, look up AA in your phone book or newspaper and attend a meeting ASAP. If you are worried about attending a meeting in your town, go to another one. Please don't drive after you have been drinking... even to go to an AA meeting. If you call AA in your town, they may be able to come and pick you up. Alcoholism is a disease... you will never get rid of it, but you can and will learn to live with it. Good luck and God bless you!
446194
The first thing an alcoholic must do to begin his/her recovery is to admit that he/she has a problem. So long as they are in denial no one can help them, no matter how much they love them. If your partner is accusing you of being hypocritical then he is surely in denial about his habit. It is very unlikely that your situation will get better until he realizes that his habit is costing him more than money. Leave him and be sure to tell him your real reasons as to why you are leaving him.
692332
I hate to ask, but are you and alcoholic?\nIf so then it may be too hard him to watch you drink when is is trying so hard to stay sober. Alcoholism is a disease that progresses very quickly when the bottle is picked back up.\nHe may have lost alot in his life because of alcohol and does not want to do it again.\nIf you don't have a problem, then don't drink around him. \nIf you choose to attend AA with him make sure you do it for yourself not just him. Otherwise it wont work.\nAsk him what the problem is. It may not even be an issue of alcohol. If it is something else then you need to find out so you can work on it.\nIf this guy loves you he will give you another chance.
269027
An alcoholic is some one that drinks for the sole purpose of getting drunk!\nThat's me! I don't drink socially. When I drink I don't stop till I am drunk! I used to avoid hangovers by staying drunk!\n3 years of my life was wasted!\nThere is a time and place for every thing, now when I drink I am at home with family and/or good friends so that when I am falling down drunk, they put me to bed. That way I can't hurt myself or anyone else! I don't crave it any more like when I was younger, but that took a few years!\nAs for an addict, I think that is some one that has a physical dependence on some thing like I did when I was avoiding a hangover. I also know people that cannot function without their "fix" whether it be alcohol or some other drug. While they are using they are the best at what they do, but without it they can't even make a complete sentence, walk or hold themselves upright!\nI also agree with the person above that pointed out that it does not have to be a drug, it can be a feeling. Thus being totally psycological or being addicted to the chemicals produced in our bodies.\nREMEMBER, you are the only one who can change you!\nHelp is just that, HELP! The real changes are made because YOU want them!\nThat's MY point of view.
654706
Edith is right in a way. You can't change him, or lecture him  into changing. If you try to talk him into quitting he will just figure out a way to hide it from you so that you will get off his back. The more he lies about it the further he will drift from you. You are not in control of him, you are only in control of yourself. That means if his drinking is harming you tell him it isn't OK. If he doesn't quit let him know it is a deal breaker and leave. If he has to suffer ALL the consequences and problems that his drinking causes (including possibly losing you) he will see the problem with it much faster. This is the most powerful thing you can do to help him quit. Allow him to hurt himself so he sees the problem, not just hears it from you. You can only pray he sees the problem before he kills himself or someone else. The only thing you can change in this relationship is you. \nAnother option is to check out alanon. It is a group therapy type setting for the family and friends of alcoholics. I find it to be an incredible source of support. I have learned how to set boundaries and stand behind them with strength. I don't let people come in to my life and create wreckage anymore. I wish you strength sweet one!\n\ncheck out the alanon website. It is full of great information to help you and him. It can also help you find a group in your area if you wish.
892739
Add detail to your question. Thanks.\n\nIf a child is being abused by alcohol abuse get help from a responsible adult right away. This is not something that you can even think twice before telling someone.\n\nIf it's a close relationship such as parents, move in with cousins for a while until your parents get help.
1051155
Deal with the alcohol first and ignore the under-30 ignorant responses you'll get here.  \n\nTalk to a professional rehab counselor who can get help for your husband.  Believe me, I have much experience in this field.  \n\nThe alcohol is a response to his own self-hatred and anger and it will come out as misplaced and on you.  \n\nYou must deal with this, this is the key.  All of it is connected, but the professionals will tell you and so will I:  The alcohol is never the problem:  what makes a person want to drink is.  \n\nBeing self-centered and unfaithful also spring from this.   \n\nTake action, don't wait, don't enable, don't make excuses, don't feel sorry for yourself.   Just act.\n\nJeff
126859
make friends in AA\n\nby the way, if you are still the same person you were before you quit drinking, you are in danger of starting drinking again. take away the alcohol and you are left with the reasons you drank. these include resentments, anger, and fear. it is obvious you are resenting your friends, angry they are not responding the way you expect them to, and afraid of not finding the acceptance you cannot give yourself.\n\nwork the steps they work.
528157
As others have said, try AA or another counseling and support program. Beating alcoholism is difficult, but not impossible. Some have managed to go cold turkey and do it on their own, but almost all go back on the wagon at some point in the future. It's much easier with the support of others.\n\nGetting rid of the alcohol in the house is a good start.
74011
You're drinking too much, too fast, and probably too often.  This is one of symptoms of becoming an alcoholic.  Assuming you're not yet willing to stop drinking, try slowing down and drinking something with a lower alcohol content.\n\nWhen you take a drink, it takes awhile before your body absorbs it and causes you to feel it.  So, when you start to feel tipsy, stop drinking.  You already have quite a bit more alcohol in your system that hasn't "hit" you yet.  Once you're drunk, more alcohol doesn't make you feel better.
980572
Support them for staying clean if they are. Ask them about their experience because they probably have a lot they want to share. Offer your friendship if you are a non user. Be positive and cheerful and let them know how much you care about them and how proud you are of what they are doing. Plan fun things to do with them that are good clean fun, or become their gym buddy. Whatever you do, dont put them down or treat them with scorn because they were in rehab. they made a very positive change in their life and its good for them.