Bipolar people: How do you change when the people who are asking this of you refuse to do the same?
952622
What a great question!  You have a way with words as you describe the situation that you're facing so well.  I couldn't have done it better myself.\n\nI'm 26 yrs old and have been diagnosed with BPII/BPD and have have major substance abuse problems.\n\nI can completely relate as I've been struggling with the same issue with my father and I appreciate you sharing this with us.  \n\nIt's difficult to have other people see you while you're dysphoric and at your weakest.  This is a time where you expect compassion and when you're parents don't only fail your expectations, but go completely against them, it can be very hurtful.\n\nWhen things blew up with me, I got my a$$ handed to me by my folkes, because my behavior was simply wearing them out.  With the drugs, the police, the hospital visits, I was becomming a huge source of stress and anxiety for them.  They never took the time to understand.  That made things a lot worse for me, I was sad to be in the house, but didn't have any where else to go at the time.\n\nI knew I needed help and I didn't want to be complacent, so I reserached treatment options myself, they wouldn't lift a finger.  The dynamic in the house was as if everyone was walking on eggshells.  It was very uncomfortable.  I was very hurt that I couldn't get the support I needed and built a very strong resentment towards them, I was ready to write them off.\n\nThe emotional pain and quality of living was getting worse, so I had to do something.  I reconnected with my Psychiatrist, got my meds straitened out and began attending Pyschotherapy, support groups and getting support from people outside my family.  For the last three months, I've worked really hard in regaining stregth and my sense of self and it's done wonders for me.\n\nJust recently, my father was talking to me about his best friends daughter, who is suffering with mental disorders and receiving therapy.  He went on to say, that she was extremely needy and fucI(ed in the head - which was his way of taking a shot at me, as he is fully aware I'm going through the same thing.  Next, he talked about quitting smoking and I told him about Zyban, he said that his mind is strong enough to quit addiction without meds - ohhhhh another shot to your son who is in recovery, taking meds no less.   A few months ago, I would have left the room in a fit or put him in his place right then and there.  \n\nSince I leveled my moods out and get support outside the house, I was feeling really good about myself and sat there calm and collected.  I thought about how I was going to respond, I know that he's old school, he didn't grow up in the information age, he thinks psychiatry is a pseudo science and associates looks at it with the stereotypical stigma attached to it.  I also thought that this was his house and I'm not going to lash out and cause any trouble.  That was the last thing I needed amongst the scheme of things.\n\nI responded quite calmly, "Why do you think she's needy?  Do you think she's faking it or that she's using it as an excuse for attention?"  He didn't respond with any logical type of answer and changed the subject, but I stuck with it.  Then I asked him, "I'm under intensive psychotherapy right now and take meds and it's helped me a great deal.  Do you think I'm needy as well?"  He said no, he actually said he noticed a difference in my behaviors and he was proud of me and knew that I was working hard to get better.\n\nI think he feels really guilty inside for going off on me.  I think deep down inside he was scared and didn't know how to deal with me.  I think my parents paniced and saw flaws in me that live inside them and their natural defense mechanism is to take it out on me.  It's the age old habit of self loathing.\n\n I'm still not over it and he knows that and I can see it in his eyes that he was sorry about what he&
18693
when you can think of more things you would like to change rather that more of what is good. when you turn to people you wouldnt normally for support because you cant get it at home.and when you dont even feel comfertable around each other anymore, dont sleep together, etc.
262192
I don't live in the Fort Worth area but I am bipolar. I want to apologize for the comments from some of the people who have answered your question. I don't know them but I'm actually quite embarrassed for them. I think you're doing the right thing by trying to find other people who are bipolar because it's always helpful to talk to others who are going through the same pain you are going through.
1006979
you cant controll them\nthe only thing you can do is to make the decision to change\nand every time you get that urge ´visualise you at your goal weight that will help you resist.
221214
if you can't change the person you must to communicate with try to change your attitude towards him: for example, try to find some strong and positive features and try to excuse weak
559660
The value of treatment is to offer you a chance to get a little relief from your emotional stress (it is EXHAUSTING to change moods fast, control anger, maintain relationships with family and friends, hold down a job, etc. when all of these goals conflict.) The world isn't easy for anyone, but it's exponentially harder when you're fighting depression, the desire to cut and maim yourself, uncontrollable compulsions, extreme anxiety and miscellaneous other pressures. You can choose not to continue therapy, but honestly you can live a more balanced life. You might have to change doctors a few times, and will DEFINITELY change medications more than a few times. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance that requires medication to balance. And PTSD can be controlled with therapy. But you have to be willing to work with someone, and be patient. Its a long, hard road. But you have every right to a happier life. And I urge you to pursue it.
1034164
Actually, i'd rather someone told me. So, what you are doing is simply trying to help me and you're also considering my goodness.. What's better than this? On the other side, yeah i may become a little bit angry with myself, saying like how can i forget or ignore this.. But, certainly i'd appreciate you then.. :) So, keep it up, be yourself and don't pay attention to their reactions at that time, i think...
828876
try deacff, dear\n\nwhy worry what other people think?\nnext time they ask you whats wrong, say "I'm tired of people asking me whats wrong! Thats whats wrong"
465837
Keep giving them the same answer, which in your case, is NO.  They are trying to break you down into changing your mind by keeping asking you the same thing.\n\nIf you continue to say no and mean it, they should get the hint.  Oh and don't forget to add a little detail into it, like saying: I already told you NO and that is my final answer, I don't want to do that and I am NOT going to do it, my mind is not going to change!
943666
Extemely trying to please people and become frustrated by it. Bi Polars have extreme mood swing (that is in the criteria) but what most do not realize is that some of that comes from the "let down" of trying to be nice to people and not having that returned.
119336
You can't change him, and it would hurt him if you try.  People don't like to be told what to do, it's insulting.  If wants to change he will, but you can't change people no matter how hard you try.  Trust me, I've tried.
42447
you don't. it's natural.\n\nor, on the other hand, you could try and be sensible, and just block it out from your mind. or you can just change your attitude from i'm-mister-super-caring-all about  what-people-think-of-me to i-dont-give-crap-and-i'm-gonna act- as-though nothing's-bothering-me.\n\ngot it?  now that's how you gotta stop carin about wat otha ppl tink of ya. alrightty?
864255
Well, first off, I must say that I am a little offended, because I didn't know that people were actually giving out this kind of advice. I am a bi-polar manic depressive, and I am marrying someone that is not. We have been together for 3 1/2 years already, and our relationship is fine. I wouldn't ever advise someone that they shouldn't marry someone they love just because they have bi-polar disorder. There is nothing wrong with us. We function just like everyone else, it's just that usually we need medication to help us do it. So called "normal" people have their own crutches instead of medication too...drinking, smoking, driving to fast, spending too much money, that kind of stuff. So what makes us so different that we shouldn't be able to marry people that the world has deemed "normal?"
317555
I guess it all depends on what exactly it is that you want but then again even still it's difficult to make anybody to do anything that they simply don't want to. It would be naive to think differently.
226494
Always treat others, the way you want to be treated by them....sounds pretty simple, but it seems to be an impossible dream ...:-(\nWell, I try to live this , but I find myself really often upset ( but at least not violent )
1060205
I seriously am the same way and I have no idea how to control it naturally, I'm beginning to think we can't. I REFUSE to take any medicine and I just wish there was something else.
19071
Some people just change and you can't help that.  try to talk to her if it's a problem that can or needs to be dealt with.  i'm sorry though, and good luck