marriage without finances? please advice?
958874
It is not for you to decide what steps to take in this situation. But you can help by asking her what she really wants...(as in- Ask her " Is THis what you want?" )  It is her life anyway! she's the pilot of her life-her destiny. \ni know that you're concerened about her welfare but i think at her age she can decide for herself. i hope everything turns out for the best. you'll never know what love can do to people, If they are really in-love.
596277
Well, I'm not married myself but I have already planned two weddings for friends of mine.  First you need a minister or justice of the peace and arrange a time to be married.  You need a spot, someone's back yard, a park, the beach anywhere the scenery is nice and doesn't come with a rental fee.  Of course you need a dress and the accessories and your groom needs something to wear as well.  You need two attendants to witness your marriage and sign your marriage certificate--and of course you need a marriage certificate.  You need to apply for this in the town or city you are getting married in, and you need your birth certificate when doing this.  Now comes the memories part.  I would believe you would want pictures of your big day.  Have a friend who owns a digital camera and a steady hand to do this.  Have he or she research on the internet about different poses and styles.  When you wedding day is over and you go back to the normal way of life you can just take you digital memory card to your local department store (WalMart) and have pictures printed, enlarged, and thank you cards done!!  Real Cheap!!  Also, you may ask a family member with a video camera (perferably digital) to do a video for you and if you are knowledgeable with computer software, you can incorporate childhood pictures and make a very professional video-CHEAP!!  As for a reception, you can ask family members to bring a dish and serve a buffet style meal.  The dance is totally optional, but you would run into a d.j. fee and a rental hall fee and so on.\n\nThis in a nut shell is a wedding!  Good Luck!!
155191
1) Do you share similar ideas about children?  Make sure you both want the same number and lifestyle for them\n\n2) Religion, do you share that or can you agree to disagree?  If so, what religion are the kids going to be raised in?  Both?  One or the other?  Know before you tie the knot.\n\n3) What do you both like in bed?  Divorces happen over sex and money, you can't always control money problems, but you can be a conciencious and informed lover.  Keep in mind, if you can't handle talking about things like orgasms, anatomy, fantasies, etc, you're not ready to get married.  You don't want to be in a situation where you only find out afterwards that your partner likes things you are uncomfortable with.\n\n4) Finances, they don't have to be perfect, but do you have a plan?  DO you have reasonable spending limits per month?  Do you have similar ideas on proper credit card use?  Do you have similar long term goals, like buying a house, boat, property, business, etc?  If not, can you live with the differences?\n\nThats all I can think of off the top of my head.... I'll edit this post if I think of more
167572
I'm married, and we kinda both do.  We openly discuss our finances every day, he gets a "limit" for how much he can spend on lunch during the week so we dont' run under and also because we have two kids and never know when we'll be seeing the pediatrician.  Even a couple of $20 copays and prescriptions can make a difference in a family's budget.  I usually pay the bills, but we discuss how much goes to the credit cards each month, etc.  Sometimes I'm in charge of the cable bill and sometimes he is if he's got less to do than I do.  Do whatever you have to do to keep out of debt though.  It's hard giving up total control, but just communicate and he'll gladly inform you of your financial status. :)
629472
Honestly?  If you are having to ask this question, you are obviously not ready.  There is nothing wrong with not being ready.  Marriage shouldn't be "disposable".  You shouldn't marry thinking, "Oh, well, I can always get divorced!"  That shouldn't be what it's all about.  Marriage is difficult at times, and you should only marry someone you love, and someone with whom you would love to have a family with, and with the intent of growing old with that person.  It isn't always romantic, it's about washing underwear with brown streaks on them, it's about supporting each other through the worse possible moments, it's about letting him see you without your make-up and you taking care of him when he's all sick and nasty...if you can honestly say that you would be there through EVERYTHING, then you are ready...if not, you are better off waiting.  If it is meant to be, it will be, no matter what!
353744
I'm of the opinion that you can't "get" anyone to do anything.  They have to decide they *want* to do it.  You need to have a serious talk with him if his lack of employment is starting to jeopardize your financial future and try to come up with a solution together (as a team). Starting off conversations that are as sensitive as money are hard and need to be done when both people are calm and make sure no guilt or blame or agression is used.  This is a situation that you are both in so it's something you can work on together.  If he's not willing to communicate with you, then I would suggest professional counceling.  These are the types of situations that can tear a marriage apart.  Good luck.
565018
Make a list separately of what you both want, enjoy, need - pay no attention to order or anything Else. Then get together and compare, here you can eliminate or even add to a single list you agree on. Then place them in order of importance, please no arguing - if it is important to you (or him) then it is - no matter what you (or he) thinks. Now we have a list, next place a time next to them. House - 3 years, vacation - 1 year etc. Then put dollar amounts next to them - house deposit needed $10,000 divide that by 36 (3yearsx12) you now have a monthly value. Once you have done this you will see that you have monthly values for the things you are trying to do. Then add up everything and get a monthly total. You'll either have enough to do it all or not enough to do it all. Then sit down again and work out what you can eliminate or reduce - going to the bar (or whatever) once every two months is cheaper than going every week(or night!). House deposit in 4 years instead of three etc - Once you can see what you can achieve, and you are both on board, then it is easy to do. This may take a few talks, so get coffee and cookies and sit in a nice and comfortable room. \nThe idea is to give your spouse something they want, and help them understand in order to get it, they need to save/cut back/stick to budget - whatever term works best - to get it. Where 'it' is something they (and you as a couple) agree is worth saving for.\nGood Luck!
818290
Try to consolidate all your debt so that you have only one payment to make per month and you can easily see that it is going down - this may give you some incentive to slow down your spending habits. And most definitely pay them off before you get married. You will have enough stress adjusting to married life and everything that comes with it without having money problems to add to it.
258291
Nothing is free, but you can get a divorce cheap. try one of those legal places, like we the people etc.
170710
If you're not sure, then don't. Marriage is a big step and commitment. You don't want to half-a$$ it.
703017
Sister girl!\n\nPerhaps you have forgotten about the time you spent at the alter.  Don't you remember when you professed to the world that you would love, honor, and cherish your husband?\n\nHow do you figure that by hiding $7,000 of YOUR debt and conveniently omitting such important information that you are loving him and honoring him?\n\nSomething inside you implicitly knows that a lie of omission is the exact same as a lie of commission.  Both can cause irreparable harm and erodes the very foundation of relationships.\n\nDeceit, deception, and cover-up are the workings of folly.  And trust me, you don't want to jeopardize your marriage over poor financial decisions and self-serving behavior.\n\nBe real.  Be honest.  Be straightforward.\n\nYou will get over the guilt -- and if you still feel it, try a glass of red wine before you spill the beans.\n\nSo your husband will get mad . . . AND???\n\nHe is gonna have to be A REAL MAN and work with his wife to solve this problem AND MAKE SURE that his wife develops the necessary character traits to avoid a repeat of this in the future!\n\nThis is what marriage is really about.  It ain't utopia.  This 'ish is HARD WORK.  Only for the grown and sexy . . . not for the faint of heart.\n\nGood luck
615662
If you have poor credit, you have no business looking for a loan for a wedding.  Have a wedding but do it within your means.  Or postpone your wedding until you can afford it.\n\nYou have got to learn you cannot have immediate gratification and you need to be able to pay for things in advance.\n\nStarting out a marriage in debt is asking for trouble.
208692
Have friends and family help where they can and search on the internet there are so many awesome ideas out there. Get crafty and make as many things as you can.  \n\nYou can have a beautiful wedding without spending a fortune. \n\nHere is a good list to start with...\nhttp://www.buffalobride.com/to-do_list.h...\nhttp://www.weddingchannel.com/ \nwww.michaels.com \nfor flower and other ideas
361048
Marriage is a great experience. However, i would strongly suggest that you are prepared for it. It's a lot of work and compromise, but if you're truely dedicated it's so worth it.
1068702
when you got married, your family became your spouse and any subsequent children.  Time to grow up and prove to yourself and everyone else that you are mature enough to go it alone.  \n\nsince, like you mentioned, the entire cost is going to be out of pocket, is it REALLY worth it?  let the grandparents come to you if they want to see thei rgrandkids so badly.
250127
Speaking from experience you should get a place of your own. The fact that it will be more expensive for him is really not your problem. A man and a woman for that matter should be able to pay there own bills, and if he doesn't make a lot of money he should think about changing jobs or  getting a second job. I believe that you should be together for at least 2 years before moving in together and if he is truly the right man for you he will understand and respect you for your Independence.
212825
Don't worry...this is very common. The best thing that you guys can do is to get together and come to agreements about your finances and stick to a budget...that way, if/when either one of you buy something outside the budget...you get called out. Also, it is best to sit down and just have a heart to heart on all of the frustrations that you are both going through...the worst thing that you can do is to sweep it under the rug and let it build up! Also, make a pact to only talk about things in a calm manner and do it all in one session instead of doing it everyday(a peaceful home is a happy one). Also, remember that you are adjusting to each other and that you are both going to find things that annoy you about the other person...but, also look at the positive things and especially the positive things that you have noticed since you have been married!