How do you become a great parent w/out being too mean?
955471
I simply react to what my daughters do.If they do something good I encourage and let them know I am happy about it in different ways according to the age of the child .\nFor wrong actions I simply look them in the eye and say what was the wrong action they did and show them the right thing (I try to control my temper at all times and be patient). \nI also have to control my voice tone very carefully. \nKids understand everything and are very clever.\n\nI do not confuse them by disregarding a wrong action I have made a notice upon it once before.\n\nWe play with each other as much as we can and share the activities they like. I try to give them a lot of my attention and listen to what they want to say. Being freinds is the best way.\nI think now they begin to know what would be my reactions to their actions and act accordingly.
50821
YOu don't have to be mean or you will scare them AWAY and may pushed to do more. Sit down and have a talk with him. Many people turns to drugs and alcohol when they are having trouble communicating their problems with family. They hang out with peers who are doing the same thing - drugs and some commit a crime or two. This is very sad but is true to most people. When you do the conversation, be sincere and firm. Offer help. They may need somebody to listen to. A shoulder to cry on. Make yourself available for your son and be his friend. The effect of such thing is only temporary but having self-respect last forever.\n\nI personally made someone QUIT smoking weed. He had done it since 13 yrs old, now he is in his 30's (but was 27 when he stopped). The sincerity of your  voice and being true to what you said to him is the key. When you say you will be there for him, be there for him. No need to yell, scream, ground or whatever punishment is there. COMMUNICATE with him!
1038114
You have to be specific with the rules so they understand them. "Be nice" is not great because some kids don't have a concept for "nice" yet, so they don't exactly know what you're expecting from them. \n "Use Your Words"  is very important for this age. They are at the point where they have the skills to use words to express themselves instead of whining, acting out, grabbing, etc.  As a teacher it's GREAT when the kids use their words - situations go much smoother. So that's my number 1 rule. \n"Hands are not for Hitting"   is number 2.  We go through all the great ways to use our hands (holding hands, hugs, high fives, making art, etc.) and then go through what hands are NOT for (Hitting, pinching, etc.).  \n"Turn on your Listening Ears" is number 3.  It's an  interactive way for the kids to be interested in listening. They get to click on their ears, which is fun to do.  It helps when they are not listening, too.  It's a good way to warn them by saying "Uhoh! Are your listening ears turned on?" Then they have to stop and think about what's happening. \nThose are my three... these other answers are also good rules!! Especially the one about going to the bathroom PRONTO! haha.
1060669
Being a parent is never easy nowadays. Step-parent is even more challenging.\nTry surrender to all *EXPECTATIONS* of what each and everything *should be*,\nbut instead, see everything as it *is*.\n\nYou'll then accomplish a lot by non-doing and accepting.
912751
Doesn't sound as though you can do much. Pointing it out to him or suggesting counselling will only add fuel to the fire right? On the other hand...who wants to be around someone who constantly complains, b*tches and brings everyones mood down because he's a jerk?\nYou can always tell him you're taking the kids and screwing because you can't tolerate this and it's cruel to the kids. Beware though. You call his bluff and he calls it....you'd better be ready to follow through or you'll never, ever gain any ground again.\nGood luck with Grumpy!
633241
Oh for goodness sake!!! HOW old are you!? Are you really unable to sort your own life out? Kids need disipline. If you don't want you're man to be moody, tell them to fight elsewhere! Dependant on their ages, have you not tried teaching your kids correctly about how to behave in this society?? A smack probably wouldn't be out of place either!\nSend them to bed early if they won't stop fighting and if that won't happen, you've not done a good job at parenting, sorry!
954701
Being mean is never cool.  Just go on with your life, ignore the nasty, mean friend and get involved with school activities where you get to interact with all kinds of people.  Do a school play or join a volunteer group that works with Habitat for Humanity.  In no time you will have lots of new friends and she will be a memory.\n\nBut, don't bother trying to get down to her level - if you change who you are to get even with her - then she has won!  the biggest way to show her actions mean nothing, is for you to do nothing....she can't hurt you if you don't care.
108595
Just know that you are special and it is not your fault what they said or did. Know that God is with you and always has been, and focus on just being the best person that you can be. Be successful, and be greatful for life, also know that your parents probably didn't know any better, and forgive them, to make yourself be even better. Know that you overcame that, and can think about it and rationalize it, and get past it, knowing you are a really good person inside, who wants a good happy life. \n\nAnd when it does feel like it hurts realy bad, just thank God that he was there to help you through it and for the ability to now think positively and rationalize why you are such a good person who deserves so much. And know that you will be happy in the future and will make a positive difference in making people feel good, especially when you ever have kids, so that you can be everything to them that you never had.\nBasically:\nJust have HOPE and keep FAITH.
124777
OK, I'm a mean teacher.  Let me tell you what we're looking for (unless you mean a real mean teacher who is just mean for the sake of being mean - if you mean that, stay off the radar).\n\nFirst, do what you're supposed to.  You've got to be there and we've got to be there.  If it's time to listen and take notes, do that.  If it's time to read, do that.  If it's time to do work whether it's by yourself or in a group, do that.\n\nSecond, don't lie.  Always better to tell the truth and get in trouble. \n\nThird, be respectful.  Of everyone.  Teachers, students, lunch ladies, custodians.  A well placed "sir" "ma'am" "thank you" and "please" can do wonders to improve a teacher's mood.\n\nFinally, take responsibility for yourself.  If you make a mistake, own up to it then try your best to fix it.  \n\nThat's all we want.  Usually, if we're being mean it's to (are you ready) teach you something.  Maybe prepare you for the future.\n\nGood luck.
744743
Most people who act like that are using it defensively because they're jealous.  So don't feel bad.  They're ugly people, inside and most likely out.  Only go if you want to go to events/occassions.  Otherwise, don't waste your time and don't give them the pleasure of being able to make you feel like crap.  If they say something nasty to you just smile and nod and say "Thanks for letting me know...I had NO idea..."  and then walk away.  They want a reaction out of you and if you respond politely and sweetly they'll either stop or get really pissed off.  My mother always taught me "Kill 'em with kindness"...and it works almost every time!
832711
There are a lot of tips/ways to evaluate a child's behavior. Just search google and you'll find tons of ideas. Although you might be lucky if you are able to apply and be successful in some of these, mind you, there is no 100% full proof way to diagnose what are we parents doing wrong, what is making the child behave that way and how to correct the problem.\n\nEven if we apply the way we were brought up by our parents, it is no guarantee that our kids will be like us. Good luck!
333666
Two problems: you get angry, and you cuss.  The solution to the cussing is easy.  Find a new word to replace the swearword.  It is natural to use a curse to belay frustration but you can achieve the same result with another word that is not offensive to your children.  All children frustrate their parents at times, but you could take an approach that will stop the frustrating situations from happening.  Promote a co-operative environment between the siblings by playing games with them.  Try to be present when they are together and be their mediator.  Keep them apart when you don't have the time to mediate.  As for the lying, try to build their trust so that they don't have a reason to lie to you.  Make the truth more rewarding than a lie.  Easy for me to say, but it works most of the time for me.....but not always...kids will be kids
365986
be a good parent to my kids
528905
Be patient and supportive.  Nothing will take the wind out of  his sails like being nice when he is trying to be mean.  It'll make him feel like a jerk so he won't be able to stay angry if he really loves you.
926303
There's no easy way.  You just have to be straight and to the point.  There are no magic words that will make it easier on either of you.  Just make sure the kid are with grandparents or a trusted friend for the night so that they do not have to hear anything that is said.
1045301
You don't have to be mean but you can be very firm. Tell her this is not working out for you to have a roommate and give her a deadline to be out and tell her from now on you will not watch her kids. As the deadline approaches, remind her of it.  If she gets mad, then so be it. She can get glad the same way she got mad.
1187461
It's your choice.  You don't have to be mean.  Maybe you feel lousy when you get up, but you don't have to take it out on anyone else.  If you don't like being mean when you wake up, just decide you're not going to be and then work on it.\n\nLong ago I babysat for a couple who actually had a rule that everyone in the house had to be pleasant in the morning, including the adults.  I think it's a pretty cool idea to make everyone responsible for their own actions... wonder if that could work on a government level...