20 mins. ago, I just bought a new computer but i'm bored already, anybody have any jokes for me?
922279
why not got many lol.\n\n1. A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. \n\nSo, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. \n\nHowever, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. \n\nMeanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. \n\nAfter reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: \n\nTo: My loving wife\nSubject: I've arrived\nDate: April 6, 2006\n\n\nI know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. \n\nP.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!! \n\n2. After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive", Osama decided to personally send President Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was "still in the game". \n\nMr. Bush opened the letter, which contained a single line of "coded" message: \n\n370HSSV-0773H \n\nMr. Bush was baffled, so he sent copies to his Chief of Staff, and several Secretaries, including Condi Rice and Donald Rumsfeld. \n\nTheir assistants and aides had no clue as to the meaning or translation of the code, so it was sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, then to the CIA and also to NASA.\n\nWith no clue to the translation, they eventually asked Israel's MOSAD for help. \n\nWithin a minute, MOSAD cabled the White House with this reply: \n\n"Tell the President he is holding the message upside down."\n\n3. Fred had been very religious and was in the hospital in a very ill condition. The family called their priest to stand with them. As the priest stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate suddenly and Fred motioned frantically for something to write on. \n\nThe priest lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper. Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, and then he died. The priest thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. \n\nAt Fred's funeral, as he was finishing the ceremony, the priest realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died. \n\nHe said, "You know, Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." \n\nHe took the note from his pocket and read, "You are standing on my oxygen tube!" \n\n4. A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 3 men, but only one position was available. \n\nThe day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follo
919052
Hey Pinky, what's up gal what u bored off?? don't be hun.. u r doing gud....
284226
Get back with you in a minute...can't stop laughing.\n\n\nI'm back. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thanks. Woke the husband up. And , no.
180406
too funny!!!! Can I get an invite?
202960
Your bored, you need a change. Get a vacation to somewhere YOU like, or buy counterstrike:source :)
515916
I love this joke. I've heard it before, but I always laugh at it. Well, my rating is 2970913583563453921569345562598983407 (10/10 for short) I love blonde jokes, have anymore?
587517
Rats!  I had a wonderful joke I was going to post but since you want comments about needing the points, I have nothing to post.  You are missing a great joke though!
555676
yeah OK I have a great 2 jokes for you here but be prepared that they are somewhat well just wrong hehehe ok here we go! enjoy!\n\n#1- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,so he went to a psychiatrist,who told him he needed to build self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.\n   After reading the book on the way him,he stormed into the house and declared, "I want you to know I am the man of the house,and my word is law."I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight.THen after dinner,you are going to draw my bath so I can relax ,and when I'm finished with my bath,guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"\n           His wife responded, "THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR."\n\n#2-A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey,could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light" NOw does it look like I have a G.E.O Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."\n   Well then,could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right". To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have WestingHouse written on my forehead? I don't think so"."Fine," She says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".\n"I'm not a damn Carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so.I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"\n   So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.\nHe starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.As he enters the house,He sees the hall light is working,the fridge door is fixed.\n"Honey, How'd all this get fixed? She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.He offered to do all the repaires,and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."\nHe said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "HELLOOOOO..... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"\n\n#3- A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vagina lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze.Out of emabarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.\n  A wakening from the anesthesia after the surgery,she found three roses carefully placed beside her bed.Outraged,she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"\n   The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this by yourself."\n   "The second rose is from my nurse.She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."\n   "And what about the third rose?" she asked.\n"Oh,that rose is from the man upstairs in the burn unit.He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
1110181
A blond girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: \nI would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen. \nThe surprised salesman replies: But, madam, computers do not have curtains.... \nAnd the blond said: \nHelloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!
380976
You asked to hear something funny, so I thought I might tell this joke about a broken pencil.  But then I thought, nah that joke is just so pointless.\n\n\nHa Ha Ha
61233
I dont know but im bored.
847459
LOL that was a good one and for once it wasn't to long to read sometimes i can never be bothered to finish the joke coz there so long!\nThanks for the laugh xx
495117
I have to say thank you man.  I have not laughed that hard all day!  I'll be using that one later tonight  :-P
45783
Hi!\nRight now I can see my computer and its accessories....\nthe door in front of me is open and I can see one month old puppies (4 of them), and their mother yawning, sleeping and two of them fighting, while their mother (my dogee!)is sprawled in the sun enjoying the winter sun...\nI can see a few trees through the window in front of me... and the birds flying and a few crows crowing around ;)\nWhat else?\nI can't see much of the stuff sitting  here, but from here I can hear cars and scooters passing by on the road just behind my house.\nThe desk on which my computer is placed has a small pink scented candle which we hardly ever use! There are pink and white flowers which were very beautiful to look at when we had bought them but now the pot in which they were placed is broken. Also, there's a small green frog on the desk smirking at me, looks pretty clean and friendly (non-slimy!)\nWell, that's about it I guess!
337731
I have been sitting here for hours reading these questions. I sound bored, Well it's true.  Even my cat is bored and sleeping again!
275985
I think your joke fell on deaf ears. \nSarcasim is really wasted here. Of course, it could be because the majority of answers on YAHOO ANSWERS are 15 year olds. \n\nAnyway, I got the joke, now what do I win?
1015508
hello ozjason are u just really bored or what? I am at work, bored as hell. are you?