When the rapture comes, what if you're in the shower and you miss it?
924164
I'll hail a cab and see if I can catch up with it.
338608
Dude, I know what you mean. This one time, I snuck my 3 brothers and sister out of the house during the night and had someone call my parents and tell them the rapture had happened and they had been left behind. It was hilarious. We turned off the circuit breaker to make them think the power was out. My parents were pissed, but it was totally worth it.
1057536
Okay.  To be honest I'm not going to be leaving in the Rapture, but I assure you the instant it happens, I'll be a total convert.\n\nDo you know who it is, though?  Because we could probably save everyone a lot of suffering if we just went and got the guy, and then drowned him in a very soft, padded room (don't want any sharp objects around his head, don'tcha know)...
1120785
He's probably in the last place you'll look.\n\nI remember finding Jesus not long ago. I was released from the hospital after surviving acute acid reflex. I remember questioning my existence and my purpose her on Earth. I got home only to find my wife panting and smoking a cigarette lying on our wedding bed in a scantily clad nightie. I suspected she had been cheating on me and demanded she tell me who. She insisted that it was no one I knew. I felt as if I had walked in on something and perhaps the bastard was still there hiding. At first I looked under the bed...nothing. Then behind the curtains and in the hall. Again nothing. Then I just knew he was hiding in the closet. I swung open the door and there before my eyes, I found Jesus. The bastard. \n\nStunned and in a fit of anger I began to pummel the son of our lord about the nose and throat. Jesus, now bloody and crying, ran screaming from my house. \n\nI have tried to "turn the other cheek" since Jesus convened my wife, however I feel my marriage has been tainted with Christ love. \n\nTo make things, worse, I can't help but compare myself to Him.  The image of her eating of his body  . . . . I just can't compete with His divine stamina.  I can only bring her to orgasm once, but I'm sure that she enjoyed a second coming of Christ.  I'm not surprised that, with her sexy legs and full figure she was able to make Christ 'rise,' if you catch my drift.  I guess this is just my cross to bear.  \n\nI feel kind of stupid that I didn't see this coming. The evidence was there for months. I remember several times my wife crying out his name during sex. "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"\n\n-signed Cuckold by Christ
753878
I say this with the utmost exclamation. Do not allow christians with their cultivated judgment demons possess you. Living the best, most loving, altruistic life possible with the settings the world has placed you in, is acceptance to heaven, you die with no regrets...the rapture/ armageddon was the fall of rome, it already happened, it was symbolically described as the end of the world. It makes no difference what religion you are or wether you believe in God, The christians have been overtaken by satan as they sit prideful dispensing judgement and hate, if Jesus was alive today he would be washing the feet of prostitutes and gay people to teach the christians non-judgement and forgiveness. Heaven is not acquired by belief it is acquired by right-action.
980673
Backup for what? \n\nNone of this is going to happen, because there's no heaven or hell or angels, and when you're dead, you're gone.
632163
No, unfortunately.  But someday Jesus will come back to earth to rule and reign in a perfect Christian Theocracy, and we will be so much happier for it.  Those who repent and are still here, that is, will enjoy it.
870465
well its funny you ask that question . im reading that left behind book and when the rapture comes there will be a great cry over thee horizon and the christians that are left behind cant do nothing but continue to endure this worldly pain but stand at thee same time cause god will come back for his people. remember none of us are worthy of his love we all have sinned now its the time to behold the lamb and call on grace cause thats the only thing that can save us,cause it will rain.
386453
You're probably right. Jesus said these thing would happen. Don't think it's right to speculate on when the end will come, after all, there are countries in the world where churches are burned down and Christians are killed for their beliefs, and these things have always happened. It's always felt like the end times to someone somewhere. As the Day approaches, satan knows he is running out of time so he steps up the pace. But read the end of the book, WE WIN! Keep the faith. Pray for your church.
119841
That's a hard question to answer.  Christians are generally split when it comes to the teaching of the Rapture.  Some Christians interpret a verse in Thesselonians to mean that there will be a rapture, while others (myself included) believe that Christ will return one more time, and one more time only...and when that happens, that's it.  There will be no second chances.\n\nHowever, even those who believe that the Rapture will occur believe that it has not occurred yet.  So, therefore, a logical answer to your question is, we're somewhere BEFORE the beginning of Book One.
860784
According to prophecy, no it has not happened.  It is a warning from God, to the people who do not follow him, and what they will go through after the rapture.  But in theology, it happens all the time.  Read your newspaper.  Consider all the war, and death.
1165514
The rapture is an event that will take place sometime in the near future. Jesus will come in the air, catch up the Church from the earth, and then return to heaven with the Church. The Apostle Paul gave a clear description of the rapture event in his letters to the Thessalonians and Corinthians. \n"For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words." (1 Thess, 4:16-18). \n\n“Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal [must] put on immortality” (1 Cor. 15:51-53). \n\nThe timing of the rapture is not known. From the Word of God and from sound reasoning--something Jesus used quite frequently--I hope to prove the reality of the pretribulation rapture. \n\nThe word “rapture” comes from Paul's "caught up" remark in verse 17. The words “caught up” are translated from the Greek word harpazo, which means "to carry off," "snatch up," or "grasp hastily." The translation from harpazo to “rapture” involved two steps: first, harpazo became the Latin word raptus; second, raptus became the English word “rapture.”
475419
Read or listen to this sermon...\n'The Rapture'\nhttp://nathan.co.za/message.asp?sermonum=1120
148578
Jesus was not the messiah, and will not come back, as he is dead. Nor will he rise from the dead, or return from elsewhere. THis will be impossible for xtians to accept, I realize this, but someone has got to get them to see truth somehow. I might as well be speaking to a brick wall. I dont know why I bother, actually. Oh well. And if you think youre going to be 'raptured', then youre in for a rude awakening. Good luck with that...
997681
Jesus warned: “There will be great tribulation such as has not occurred since the world’s beginning . . . , no, nor will occur again.” (Matthew 24:21) That event will bring an end to the present unrighteous system of things. Its climax will be “the war of the great day of God the Almighty”—Armageddon. That will indeed be a calamity for all those who remain a “part of the world.”\n\nWhat kind of judgment will this be? It will be selective, removing only “those who do not [choose to] know God and those who do not obey the good news about our Lord Jesus.” (2 Thessalonians 1:8-10) But it will not be a disaster to those who listen to God’s warning and instructions, as did Noah and his family. This event will certainly be an act of God, since he will protect his servants. That makes it different from other disasters, which take the lives of good and bad alike.\n\nWHEN Jesus taught his followers to pray for God’s Kingdom, he knew that its coming would bring an end to thousands of years of human rule independent from God. During all that time, God’s will was not being done on earth in general. (Psalm 147:19, 20) But after the establishment of the Kingdom in heaven, God’s will is to be done everywhere. The time for the awe-inspiring transition from human rule to God’s heavenly Kingdom rule is getting very near.\n\n Marking this transition will be the period of time that Jesus called the “great tribulation such as has not occurred since the world’s beginning until now, no, nor will occur again.” (Matthew 24:21) The Bible does not say how long that time period is to be, but the calamities that are to take place during it will be worse than anything the world has ever seen. At the beginning of the great tribulation, something will happen that will be a severe shock to most people on earth: the destruction of all false religion. That will not be a shock to Jehovah’s Witnesses, for they have long anticipated this.  The great tribulation ends at Armageddon when God’s Kingdom crushes the entire Satanic system.—Daniel 2:44;
17631
Regardless . . .  you get to be with Jesus. How glorious will that be? Can't wait for whatever happens, I will be in awe of that day.
901185
It is at least seven years away. The world is unraveling, the one world government is around the corner. God is in the process of cleansing His people, getting rid of the chaff. Soon, Christ will come for His bride, His church. Then, the Holy Spirit will be removed and the man of sin will ascend to power, then the count down begins. \n\n2Pe 3:3  first, knowing this, that during the last days scoffers will come walking according to their own lusts, \n2Pe 3:4  and saying, Where is the promise of His coming? For from which time the fathers fell asleep, all things remain so from the beginning of creation. \n2Pe 3:5  For this is hidden from them by their willing it so, that heavens were of old, and earth by water, and through water, having subsisted by the Word of God, \n2Pe 3:6  through which the world which then was, being flooded by water, perished. \n2Pe 3:7  But the heavens and the earth now, having been stored up by the same Word, are being kept for fire to a day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men. \n2Pe 3:8  But let not this one thing be hidden from you, beloved, that one day with the Lord is "as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." Psa. 90:4 \n2Pe 3:9  The Lord of the promise is not slow, as some deem slowness, but is long-suffering toward us, not having purposed any to perish, but all to come to repentance. \n2Pe 3:10  But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with rushing sound, and having burned the elements will be dissolved, and earth and the works in it will be burned up. \n2Pe 3:11  Then all these being about to be dissolved, of what sort ought you to be in holy behavior and godliness,