a guy walks in to a bar?
915881
Who's the creep who gave these 3 lovely jokes the thumbs down? Don't worry, I've made up for that. Well done, you. Thumbs up AND a compliment. Can't do better than that!!!
186722
A blind man walks into a bar with his dog and grabs the dog by the collar and starts swinging him around over his head. \nThe bartender says "woah buddy what are you doing?"\nThe blind man says "Just taking a look around"
972138
he's trying to get closer to you lol. no guy buys a drink for a girl just because.
882152
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! Its only the proper and courteous thing to do! most guys dont even think twice before going inside first! AUGH! Thats so tre annoying! Trust me, you can never go wrong with being a gentleman!
1046363
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender"Give me 20 shots of your best scotch"The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down one at a time as fast as he can"Wow"said the bartender"Ive never seen anyone drink so many shots so fast!"The man replies"If you had what I have you would drink fast too"\n"My God!What do you have?"\nThe man says"50 cents"
1040998
Hi, \n\nCertainly would!!\n\nWe could catch a cocktail...\n\nAnd hang out at the bar if you like?\n\nCheers!!
154470
Guy walks into a bar, and asks about a tough ass compition, the bar tender pipes up and tells him what he has to do, "go punch the guy in the corner out in one punch, then go into the back room and pull out the gaurd dogs loose tooth, then satisfy the woman that no man can satisfy in the room next to the room with the dog." the man says, OK , i can do that, he gets really drunk then, punches the guy out in one punch, goes in the back room where we hear the dog growel then bark, and screach in pain, then the mand comes out, and asks the bar tender "wheres the girl who needs her tooth pulled?"\n\n\nnext,,,\n\n\na man walks into a sex shop with a duck under one arm, adn asks the lady who is working the front desk "I need something, but i have no money all i have is this duck" the lady says " hmm ok, ill have sex with you if you give me the duck" so the man agrees, and gives the lady the duck, they have sex, and when they are done, the lady says "wow that was great! if you have sex with me again, ill give you your duck back" so he thinks great! and agrees, they have sex, and the man leaves with his duck as he crosses the road with his duck following behind, he hears a sqashing sound as a car rolls over his duck, the man in the car jumps out and appologizes, he feels so bad, he gives the man who lost his duck a cheque for 1000 dollars, as the man is walking away, he thinks to himself, ' wow, i had a good day, i got a fuck or a duck, a duck for a fuck, and a thousand dollars for a fucked up duck'\n\nnext...\n\na woman walks into a petstore and looks for a pet for her husband who has always wanted a pet, he sees puppys for 500, kittys for 300, rabbits for 100, well, she wasnt looking to spend so much, so she asks the man at the front desk if he has any... cheaper, he says, "yes, we have a bull frog, one catch though! he gives b l o w j o b s!" the lady assumes he is jokeing, she buys the frog, and walks out, later that night she is awoken to crashing and banging in the kitchen, she runs downstairs and finds her husband, the frog, and pots and pans all over the kitchen she asks "what in the hell is going on?" her husband replies "Fuck, if i can teach this thing how to cook your gone!"\n\nnext\n\na man calls into work sick, he says, "my head hurt, my stomach hurt, my legs hurt, my arm hurt, i can no come to work today!" his boss tells him "this always works for me, when i feel sick i go home and have sex with my wife!" the sick man replies "Ok i try that!" and hangs up the phone.. \n1 hour later....\nthe man calls into work and says "thank you i feel great now! that really works! ill come into work very soon, you can expect me by noon, Oh, by the way, you have a very nice house!"\n\nnext..\n\nWhats green and smells like pork?\n\n"stimrik regnif" (--- he words are spelt backwards as not to spoil the answer.\n\nNext\n\nwhat do you call a lesbian dino?\nLick-a-lotta-pus\n\nwhat do you call a gay dino?\nMega-sore-arse\n\nI SPENT A LONG TIME ON THIS, UNLESS YOU GET A BETTER ONE PLEASE VOTE MINE THE BEST SO I CAN GET TO LEVEL TWO WITH MY POINTS!
246768
umm to a nice bar or dinner
476514
Man and Woman in a bar..\nMan:"can I buy you a drink?"\nWoman:"No thank you,alcohol is bad for my legs"\nMan:"Sorry to hear that...do they swell?"\nWoman:"No,they open."
981059
Just walk up to him, and start talking.  He's a guy.  It's that \nsimple.
136195
Well, walk up to him and say hi!
724074
I got one for yah.... a man goes to a sky bar and orders a shot of tequila, then walks over to the window and jumps out. A few minutes later, the man enters the bar again. Another patrion at the bar see's this and asks the man how he is still alive. The man answers: the taquila give's you buoyancy. So the patron orders a shot of tequila and jumps out the window and..... DEAD!! The bartender looks at the other man and says... Your an a$$ hole SUPERMAN!
230036
At the bar:\n(barkeep doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender)\nAzrael to group: Anyone who knows how to make a Holy Bartender?\nHm. Well I do.\n(shoots bartender with uzi)
252277
When do you want me to come over? I'll bring the drinks!
39286
A guy is wandering the parking lot at a local bar with his car keys in his hand. \n\nA cop sees him and says "Sir, may I help you?"\n\nThe guy replies "I washh jus lookin fo my car!"\n\nThe cop says "Well where was it the last time you saw it?"\n\nThe guy replies, pointing to his keys, "it wash righ here on da end o dis key!"\n\nThe cops shakes his head then shines his flashlight on the guy, noticing the drunks pants are undone and he is hanging out. "Sir! Did you know your pants are undone and your exposed???!!" \n\nThe drunk looks down, then up at the cop and throws his hands up in frustration, "Damn! I lost my girlfriend too!"
1136478
probalby in a bar\n:)
684428
when he comes in do your little chat then trow in a "so are you heading out tonight"do it in a casual tone of voice, he will tell you where hes going and will 99% sure ask you "what about yourself" you let him know what night club your going to but play it all innocently as if your just being civil then when your out that night i bet you he will be there then... then ye both will have a few beers on ye your inhibitions will be gone and you can begin to flirt oh and generally us lads visit a shop a lot if we fancy the person working there but he is prob afraid of rejection so he is draging it out SO BITE THE BULLET WHEN YE MEET. BEST OF LUCK!!!!!