Ex-partner 'suicidal' & paranoid...any advice?!?
930208
He is emotionally manipulating you!Trust me, my ex bf did this to me. Next time he hints to commit suicide, you should tell him that you are not responsible for his life and that he should go ahead and do it. I know this sounds cruel, but suicidal people are normally the people you would least expect it from , they are shy and quiet and besides if he was REALLY suicidal he wouldnt just talk about it, he would have done it ages ago. \n\nDont allow this man to control your life!He is not going to force you to make your decisions for yourself and your children based on him and his threats. It does not work that way. He is the master of manipulation, dont allow someone to emotionally blackmail you. Talk to him, be stern and make sure he knows that you are not going to fall for his manipulation again and that you are just going to stand back and if he does something stupid you will take it to court and tell the court he is a unfit father ,seeing as he is suicidal. Hopefully that will wake him up and he will realise he has to deal with these problems between the two of you like an adult. Good luck!
1160467
Hi there,\nI can somewhat relate to you in a sense that I was in your shoes when my boyfriend (now my husband) was doing the same thing like your wife did.  I think, I forgave him since we're not really together (I was in another state).  Yes, I was grossed out when I heard this and the thought of 2 on 1 is disgusting.  We decided that not to associate with those kind of people, which helps me to cope.  Out of sight, out of mind.   The most important thing about this ordeal is having trust in this person again and make sure that it won't happen again.  Yes, then your can feel more secure and comfortable being with this person again.\nBest wishes,
1016318
You have to go into this with an open mind. I had a similar situation arise and am still trying to correct it. I was in a relationship that lasted almost 6 years. I was verbally, physically and emotionally abused by my ex. I met a wonderful man who helped me get out of my situation and get my mind off my ex. But I still doted because I had grown a strong attatchment to him (my ex) even though I didn't love him anymore. By the time I realized I was in love with this new man, things were too late...I'm still praying for him to come back my way.  What I'm trying to get at is that you need to give yourself time to get over your abusive ex, because you won't be happy in your new relationship. Loving somebody else is a big sign that you're getting closer to that. Remember your ex is your ex for a reason and HE did all that bad stuff to you. Not your new guy. You will also realize quicker in a new relationship if he has abusive tendencies so you can move on.  I suggest calling him and trying to set something up such as    coffee, keep it casual and let him know face to face how you feel. I know your scared but you have to do it or you'll never know what could have been!
378369
My advice would be to get away from this person as quickly as possible. There are enough things out there to agonize over, don't let another big one like this one tear you up anymore. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not destroyed. If there were kids, then that would be different. Run girl, like the wind. Good Luck
980547
At least you're on the right path. You are aware of the situation in hand. In my opinion, your on the path to healing. I think that you're probably finished with all the pain and ready to move on. No matter how scared you are, you should do what's in your best interest. You'll probably be better off without him. \nKeep in mind that you are number one!\nLove should never hurt.. If you feel like your ready to move on, but are scared, weigh your options. Compare it to how your feeling now... Talk to someone about it...A friend. Someone who will be there for you.\n\nGood luck
432415
Well it sounds like he has already emotionally abandoned the relationship, so who is to blame you for phyiscally abandoning the relationship?  I think you should do it before he leaves, though.  His running away (literally!) is really just a passive-agrressive way of forcing you to make a decision and be the "bad guy" for leaving when he's gone.  What a wimp!  Demand closure now, before he goes so you can get on with your life and tie up any loose legal entanglements.  You don't want him running up huge debts on his world-wide jaunt that you will be paying off, either.  What a selfish bastard!
94554
As long as you still have the marks, make a police report! This man (for lack of a better word) is trying to control you, and sounds like he has succeeded up to this point! Don't be afraid of him, because you can be protected!! You don't have to put up with abuse from anyone! If he's into crack and has another woman, you should just hold your head high, and walk away from a bad situation. It'll only get worse if you let it! When you make your police report, you can also request a restraining order. In my town, you'd be directed to contact Victims Assistance, and they will have the restraining order for you as quickly as tomorrow! Don't let him get away with anything! He needs to be locked up! Good luck to you! :)
1065194
Be classy about it.  Do you trust your partner?  If yes, then you have nothing to worry about.  The ex can kick and scream and b**ch all she wants - but all it will succeed in doing is making her stand out as the immature fool that she is.\n\nDon't necessarily take crap - if she blatantly disrespects you a witty quip should quiet her, if not, give your partner a big 'ol kiss on the mouth, whilst hands are wandering over delectable buttocks.\n\nThe other part of my answer is less relevant to the question and more to do with your sanity.  If the ex is to remain a "friend" with your partner, and if your partner truly respects and cares about you, wouldn't you and your partner be well served if your partner firmly outlined boundaries with the ex?  I.e: not drunk dials, no sob stories, no jealousy b.s, etc.  This ex sounds obsessed and I don't know how you can be friends with someone who is still mad for you...and maintain your sanity.  It might be time for the rope to be cut and for you and your partner to move on and leave this head case in the dust.
540961
Been there and done that...not fun!  I feel for you but you have to be strong enough to GET OUT!  I had family and friends to help me out behind his back.  I planned carefully because he was smart and inquisitive, very controlling.  Get mad and smart too!  Figure out his work schedule and get it all done in a short amount of time.  Get a restraining order against him before you go so that you are somewhat protected when you leave.  Go somewhere safe where someone is with you all the time and has speed dial.  Get a plan B so that if this is not an option you have somewhere else to go.  Don't make him mad.  Above all don't let him see you are nervous.  Keep him calm and level headed until you pull it off.  Don't change your routine or compromise yourself.  Be sure to delete all "help" calls off the phone and alert the police of what you are about to do and the day and time.  You can also have the police escort you out once they know the situation if you need to do it that way.  My prayers go out with you!
441424
Wow, that person with the whole exes are like poison has some serious issues.  Trust me, I've never had an experiance like that in my life, so I think he's just a little bit out there.  Re-infected every time you talk to an ex?  WTF?  Can we say "can't move on"?\n\nI've been able to remain friends with many of my exes, but I think part of that is because most of my break ups were mutual.  I think that if you got dumped by her, it might be harder.\n\nI would suggest writing her a letter or email with whatever you want to say.  Tell her that you were really hurt when you broke up, and you just wanted to say that you've made your way through it and would like to see if a friendship between you would be possible.  Then the ball is in her court, if she doesn't respond, then don't push the issue further.  If she gives you a call or send you an email back, have coffee together and talk about what has been going on in your life since the break up.\n\nJust don't have coffee and re-hash the break up, I doubt your ex wants to do that and while it might make you think it will feel better, in reality it will probably just make both of you uncomfortable.  If you start feeling like a friendship is making you feel worse, then its not the right thing to be doing right now.\n\nWork on building a new friendship with an eye on the future, not on the past.
649832
How long ago did you stop seeing him?  I suspect the break-up wasn't that long ago because you've indicated that you're not fed up with the abuse yet.  If this behavior continues, you will become fed up.  He is stalking and abusing you. \n\nNot knowing your ex makes it difficult to say, but you should know that certainly personality types are known to carry this behavior to extremes ... criminal extremes.  For example:  slashed tires, rocks through windows, physical confrontations, etc... \n\nI have been the target of a stalker, and the longer it goes on, the worse it gets.  I would nip this in the bud IMMEDIATELY!.  \n\nFirst, send him a certified letter explaining that you do not want to see or hear from him again.  And, that if the abuse continues you will inform the authorities.  Do NOT meet with him.  This will only fuel any misguided belief that you are returning to him.  Keep a copy of the letter.  \n\nSecond, begin keeping a log of dates/times that he calls, or shows up at your home.  Note any threats or abusive language in the messages.\n\nThird, let family and friends know of the abuse. \n\nIf the abuse continues ...\n\nGo to the police and the court to have a restraining order issued.  And, take a self-defense class.  \n\nIf the abuse still continues, let the authorities know that he has violated the restraining order and purchase a hand gun. Take a firearms safety class so that you get comfortable using the firearm.  \n\nHopefully, he'll get 'it' after the certified letter, but if he is of the mind set to intimidate and terrorize you until you return to him, then the above steps may save your life.  \n\nStalking, in and of itself, is psychologically very disturbed behavior.  It indicates that his wants/needs are all that he is willing or capable of considering.  It also indicates that he is unwilling to limit his activities to the accepted norms of society.  In other words, stalking is not something to be taken lightly.  Be careful!
637908
this needs professional understanding - i beleive your boyfreinds freind has a mental illness - if you are at all concerned with him maybe thinking of suicide - - please contact your local crisis care as soon as possible - if there is no local crisis care maybe suicide hotline - they will give you the information you need to deal with such a heavy situation - if you fear for yourself at all try talking to your boyfreind about him possibly visiting you instead - or talk to a trusted adult
545960
Have your mind made up. This is the hardest part. Make sure this is what you want. If you think there is still something left inside of you for this person, chances are you will go back and will repeat these steps over again. \nMake a written list of all the reasons why things will be better if the relationship is over. Think of what will happen if you stay with this person, and how many years of your life you could end up spending on an unhealthy relationship. Keep this list close to you at all times. \nThink ahead. Have a day when you decide it's over and you are going to move on. Don't just jump up and leave on an impulse. If you can, talk to that person and say, "When rent is up this month, I am going to find another place" or "I'm moving in with my parents" or "You need to leave at the end of this month." This gives the person time to make arrangements. And, it's much easier to go back on an impulse then it is to go back on a calmly and clearly stated intention. \nKeep the peace. Don't allow the person to suck you into the same old arguments, guilt trips, or drama. State your intention and walk away. Case closed. There's nothing left to do but follow through. \nOnce on your own, treat yourself. If you don't, you may get bored and call this person. Make some new friends and constantly have something up your sleeve. Do things that you were not able to do because of this person. This will let you know that you have still got it and make you feel good inside. \nCut off all communication. Even if you intend to stay friends, it's a good idea to avoid contact with this person for at least a month after you break up. Otherwise, it's extremely easy for them to slip right back into their old role in your life and start the cycle all over again. \nTry not to think about or bring up old memories. If friends start talking about this person, tell them you don't want to talk about it, whether good or bad. Get rid of gifts, photographs, and any other relics of the relationship--or at least put them way out of sight. \nPrepare for the possibility that your ex may say things to your friends, family or co-workers and make you look bad. He or she may not have been ready to let go like you did. Be the mature one and laugh about it. Eventually it will stop. \nRemember that this was just not the "one." Oh well, things couldn't work out. This is life. Make sure you still have what it takes to be good to the next person you are with. Remember the traits of the person you left and compare them to the person to are interested in. This will help it from happening again.
821052
I am a counsellor. The tough part is getting in door. If you're harming yourself, then realizing that something is wrong, and not letting it defeat you is important. Now is the time to protect your future. So good job beginning the process of taking out the garbage that's been piling up. Give whoever you chose a few times to earn your trust. You feeling safe is the critical issue. Ask about confidentiality limits. The best part about seeing a counsellor is they have a way of seeing over your obsticles and safely guiding you. Think of it as a big log across your path. You just need some help clearing the way so you can get on with the path your life was meant to take. If you have choice and it's not someone chosen for you by social services, then meet a couple and decide. My experience is that a cognitive behavioural therapist may be most benefical. Look for someone with experience dealing with youth. Good luck.
502974
Maybe you should seek the advice of a medical professional to help you deal with your depression. They can help control you depression so that you may not be so hard on yourself. You are 21 and your life is just beginning. Have faith in yourself and believe that you can truly be happy. As far as the relationship, well, you will have to decide if what she did was so terrible that you just can't forgive her or trust her anymore. There can be no relationship without trust. It is okay to remember the good times that you had with an ex. It makes you remember what it was that made you want to be with them to start with. Do not let it dominate your thoughts. Get out, meet new people, hang out with friends. All of these will help you to start moving on with your life and faster than you think, it will not be so painful anymore. Good luck to you and I wish you much success in your efforts to move on!
356688
Well just the fact that he told you, means he is asking for your help. NO, NOT in doing it. In his head he wants to commit suicide, BUT in his heart he knows this is wrong and by telling you, he is actually asking for help. So I think the best thing to do is to get him some help. Call him up and ask that he meets you somewhere. And sit down and see if you can't get him to open up as to why. Maybe its a girlfriend thing where he just got dumped. Maybe it is more serious. But first find out why. And try to talk him into going to the hospital for some help/ Here in MA they have a crisis clinic. This is a place where people can walk in and get help. Since it is voluntarily done they can choose to walk out as well. BUT if an assessment has been made that there is some mental things going on they can commit him. BUT this is only if the session has gone that far into the game so to speak. AND if all else fails go to the POLICE who have access 24 / 7 to the proper professional medical help to prevent him from doing any harm to himself. GOOD LUCK and GOD SPEED.
813544
How do you learn to trust again?\n\nThe easy but true answer is the Nike Response:  "Just Do It."\n\nRemind yourself that your current partner is not the one who wronged you, and your current partner shouldn't pay for your ex's betrayal.\n\nOwn your feelings and actions.  You CAN help jumping to conclusions.  You steer your life; your life doesn't steer you.\n\nYou have to relive your past as long as you decide that's what you want to do.\n\nDecide to be happy instead.\n\nGood luck and best wishes with your new relationship!