whats you're favourite paul mccartney/heather mills joke?
921200
In a remote South African gold mine, a miner was setting dynamite to blast a seam when it exploded taking one of his legs clean off.  As he was stretchered out, he was heard to sob "What will happen to me? I have a family to look after, we are very poor...who's ever going to want a one legged gold digger?" then his mobile phone rings..."Hello?  Who?  Oh, Sir Paul...what an honour..."\n\nOR...\n\nDid you hear that Paul's giving Heather her own plane as part of their divorce settlement?  She still has to shave the other leg herself though.
1147601
I believe it was Paul McCartney, and he mentioned them during the Beatles first US tour.  He said that they were his favorite candy.
783820
Tee hee.... Nice one..... That made me laugh
124764
ooh! I almost missed this one =)\n\nOnce upon a time in Disneyland there was a Victoria's Secret model named Oscar Wilde. All night and all day her third cousin twice removed forced her to scrub the toilet. Then one day, she received a visit from the little old lady who lived it a shoe. The old lady says, "Hi! I am Papa Smurf and I am here to pump... you up. \nLost in an unbearable lightness of being, Oscar says to P. Smurf "how many licks *does* it take?", to which Papa replies, "They are the eggmen. I am the walrus. Goo goo g' joob!" \n\nSo then Oscar and Papa find a field of magic mushrooms and live happily ever after...or did they?
889780
Hey!!!!NICE!!!\nI really like it, it’s a good one and its also unique, ive never heard such a gr8 joke before!!!!!\nI give it a 10/10 cuz it deserves it.\nI hope you keep sending more jokes like these!!!!
760043
My man, the lovely, the hot... drum roll please...\nLadies and gentlemen...\n\nCARL EDWARDS!!!!\n\n(Woooooooooooooooo!!!!)\n\nOh sorry!!! I just can't help myself!!! I'm so obsessed with Carl!!!
958120
Brilliant joke you are very funny!
837113
Paul Alcock being pushed over by Paolo di Canio was the possibly the funniest thing that has ever happened, anywhere, in the history of everything.\n\nThere must be a clip of it on YouTube.
950842
Mine has to be:\nGwen Stefani- Wind It Up\nAlso the song on the D & G Time Advert. Have you seen the new one? I love that song!!
295661
Great Question!\n\n After recently reading MacSteed's answer to a question on, " Have you done something out of character, lately?" My vote would definitely have to go 'HANDS DOWN' to him. I literally laughed until I cried!!
1125888
Keep on reading my same old jokes-- I posteed some new ones.\n\nA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. \n\n"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." \n\nSix weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. \n\n"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" \n\n"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." \n\n"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house." \n\nWEIRD FACT OF THE DAY: The largest apple pie ever baked was forty by twenty three feet. \n\nON THIS DAY IN HISTORY: In 1919 1st issue of NY Daily News published. \n\nBORN ON THIS DAY: In 1956 - Chris Isaak (actor: Little Buddha, Silence of the Lambs, Married to the Mob, Twin Peaks; singer, songwriter: Wicked Game, Blue Hotel, LP: Silvertone). \n===========================================================================================================================\n\n\n\n So there was an american, a black guy and a mexican that found a genie who granted them each a wish. The black guy asked that he and all of his brothers in America be taken back to their homeland of Africa, so the genie did it. The mexican asked that all of his people in America be brought back to their homes in Mexico, so the genie did that as well. Then the american said: "So you mean to tell me that all of the blacks and mexicans are gone?" and the genie replied "Yeah"; so the american said "Well then i'll have a coke." \n\n ===========================================================================================================================\n\nA young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the\npharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom.\nI'm going\nto my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think\nI may be in\nwith a chance!"\n\nThe pharmacist gives him the condom and the\nyoung man leaves. He soon returns and says, "Give me\nanother condom because my girlfriend's sister is very\ncute too. She always crosses her legs in a\nprovocative manner when she sees me and I think I might\nstrike it lucky there too."\n\nThe pharmacist gives him a second condom and as\nthe boy is leaving he turns back and says,"Go on,\ngive me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is\nstill pretty cute and when she sees me she always\nmakes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think\nshe is expecting me to make a move!\n\nDuring dinner, the young man is sitting with his\ngirlfriend on his left, the sister on his right\nand the mum facing him.\n\nWhen the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head\nand starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner\nand thank you for all you give us."\n\nA minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank\nyou Lord for your kindness."\n\nTen minutes go by and the boy is still praying,\nkeeping his head down.\n\nThe others look at each other surprised and his\ngirlfriend is even more surprised than the\nothers.\nShe gets close to the boy and says in his ear,\n"I didn't know you were so reli
737379
"Let 'em In". Paul McCartney
23797
He may not be the only one, but Paul McCartney always has one onstage that he got as a gift from his late wife Linda.\n1/31/06
309613
James.\n\nYep, he's really James Paul McCartney.
339371
its not too dirty but this one cracked me up\n\n\n\nThe Three Wishes\n\nso a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. the bartender notices how strong and muscular he is but notices his rather small head. so he asks the guy what's up with that. so the guy begins to tell his story,\n\nwell last week when i was taking a walk into the woods i heard someone crying for help near a stream. to my amazement it was a frog. she told me to give her a kiss and i would be granted three wishes. seeing i had nothing to lose i kissed her.all of a sudden she turned into a beautiful naked woman. she goes you now have three wishes.\n\ni looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said. i want a body like arnold swarzenneger. then i suddenly had a body like his but because it was much bigger than my clothes they ripped off and i was standing there naked. she said two more wishes\n\nwell i looked at her beautiful body and said i want to make passionate love to you. so we did that for a couple of hours. then she replied one more wish\n\nand i sead....how about a little head?\n\n\n\nlol
816498
That's the best blonde joke I've heard in a while. LOL! Tell another.
370888
good joke!!!!!!!!!!! but I like it.