Ladies help me save my marriage part 2?
926521
Will she go to counseling with you? She said her feelings have changed. Well, doesn't everyone's feeling change as we grow older? You don't still have the giddy feeling but still love your spouse. Maybe when you were a stay at home dad, she lost some respect and thought she was more important and found she can supposrt herself and really doesn't need anyone else. Before you give up, try counseling, with or without her. Maybe you will decide you can live without her too.
252315
Hey this is me again...I don't know if I'm getting this or not..Are you saying that you are married but also want another woman, and that if your wife loves you she will accept it?  Wow, isn't that asking alot from your wife?  Not that I'm judging you.  I am the last person in this world that has a right to judge anybody!!Can I e-mail your e-mail address maybe you need a friend right now?
438894
You don't need to know what's on her mind .You need to get out of this situation as fast as you can. She is married w/a kid and you are in a no-win deal. Her husband is going to have to deal with her and her issues and you don't really have a dog in this fight.The sex might be good,but this woman has more baggage than a cargo terminal.Recipe for disaster,my friend.
935528
Wow...my husband could have wrote this...\n\nI have been married seven years (have two children ages 6 and 2) and have become separated (haven't filed for divorce yet)...for me the sex was always bad (and I do love it...which is something he would never believe).  I will say you do a lot more than he ever did but it doesn't sound like you guys are going down the right path...you are not doing anything wrong, it is her.  I know you love her but you have to stop most of the things (the dates, flowers, etc...) they are just a waste right now...she is a full time housewife so the fact that she is not even cleaning etc... sound to me she might be depressed (how is she with the kids)...she sounds like me almost 100% (I should mention that I work FULL TIME...always did since my kids were 3 months old both) but instead of watching tv till 1am I would rather play poker or be on the computer (which pisses him off)...for him I am always tired he says, but when it comes to other people or things he says I have energy...which I guess is true.  \n\nYou're gonna have to sit her down and have a really good talk with her or go for some marriage counseling before it is too late...\n\nE-mail me if you want to talk...
767131
Bend over and take it up the A$$ just like you made her. After your butt has been split wide open like hers was, go to a marriage counselor and see if there's any thing left in your marriage.
974228
Don't listen to all the negativity that people are posting.  You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing.  So that is good.\nYou are both young with a toddler and you're a newly married couple...so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week.  It's not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.  \nJust keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out...just the two of you have an evening out once in a while...be silly have fun...just be together...I bet it's been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.  \nAny relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through...it's ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.\nDon't give up there is ALWAYS hope!!!  Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!
715389
Assalamu' Alaikum Sister!\n\nPray to Allah (SWT) to guide Him and turn him towards Him. You should also talk to him on your own and tell him that his actions are hurting his deen and you. Listen to Islamic lectures with him, either in a Masjid or at home on tapes. Encourage him to pray by telling him of its rewards and punishments. Tell him about the sin of flirting with the opposite gender (fornication of eyes, hands, etc.). \nThere is also this website you can go to and order a book called "a gift to bride". It's a really good book that can guide any married woman. And it only costs about $9. The website you can get it from is www.madania.org and then go to library.\n\nThere is also another website with a huge section on marriage.\nhttp://lightuponthetruth3.tripod.com\n\n\nPS: also you should consult a pious person aobut your husband declaring himself as a christian. He might have to repeat his shahadah if he said it in consciousness. Tell him all of his words will be accounted on the dDay of Judgment!\n\nInshallah, best of luck to you!\nMay Allah (SWT) accept your duas. ameen.\n\nlovingly yours,\nsister in islam
534063
I am an indian gal living in US, though I am not sure if that adds much value to answering this question. It is difficult to answer this without knowing the length and problems of the marriage. \n\nTo start with, I dont mean to scare you but if she has left home and if she is independent, I am not sure if she will come back. If she (and here the indian thing might apply) left the house, I am sure she must be very frustrated with the relationship. You really have a lot of damage control to do. \n\nI am not sure of the details of the problem but I can give you a woman's perspective:\n\n1. Show actions (not just words) - change your ways with her. Women respond to supportive actions from a man.\n2. Listen to her problems and not defend yourself - she is not attacking you, she is merely stating the problem. Fix them if you are the reason.\n3. Pay attention to what she likes and dislikes. Maybe she said it before but you never paid attention to it. \n4. Go to counselling - its better to do it now than to do it later. I think, as indians, we tend not to look at this option but this really does help. If the relationship has reached this stage, you need this.\n\nIf both of you have been fighting for a while in the marriage, actually staying apart is actually a good option - it will help you figure out your feelings for each other. Anyway if she wants it, you will have to do it. \n\nFinally, I would say, for the next 11 months, treat the relationship as priority 1 else it will not work.\n\nFeel free to catch me on yahoo messenger if you would like to talk more details. Hope this helps and things work out for you.
130066
well its really hard to get back the trust..be patient..just give her time to think..be sincere of all ur actions and all ur saying...... and assure not only to ur wife but also urself that u will not hurt her again
526606
Hello\n\nWhy did she feel she needed to leave home? Why does she feel the need to be seperated? There has to be alot more to this than what you are saying here.... You have to have had more then one argument and misuderstanding in the marriage to have brought it to this point.... Is she willing to go to counseling with you and try to work on this marriage? You can email me at ladyhewitt_1@yahoo.com and talk with me more if you would like.... I will be praying for you and your situation and i hope that things will work out for the best.... I do feel that you both need marriage counseling and are there children involved?
560058
Before you take advice from people you don't know.  You need to first listen to you.  If you love him and think you can make this marriage work, then try to work things out.  \n\nYou are right, the 1st year (and a few more) are hard, but that doesn't mean give up! I read your other question, and I don't think you got the "best" advice.  Consider the sources... (and here I'm talking and you don't know me from the rest of them!) \n\nBut I will say, go to someone who knows the two of you, someone who can be a voice of reason. And have that person mediate the issues you are having with your husband.  A good councilor will be able to help you there.  Find one. \n\nMy marriage ended over stupid stuff.  Things that could have easily been handled in an adult way, and fixed.  If you love your husband, go the hard road and try to forgive and get to the bottom of your issues.\n\nFor the fourth time tonight, I will suggest a few books that I believe could have saved my marriage if I had them before it was over...\n\n1. The Five Love Languages- Probably my favorite... it talks about the different "languages" of love we can offer to each other. Everyone has one or two that are their main love language, and if you are not communication to you spouse in THEIR love language, then they probably won't feel loved... great book.\n\n2. Love and Respect- it talks about the different needs of a husband and a wife. It relates to each of you. It's split in certain areas to directly talk to you and to your husband. It talks about how women see things thru "pink glasses" and men see things thru "blue glasses". It's eye opening...It's wonderful.\n\n3. Friendship Factor- This one is SO basic. It was like a light going off in my head each time I turned a page. It helps you realte to others better as WELL as your husband.\n\nI would read them in that order...together with your husband. You can find them in the Christian/ Religious section of most bookstores. And don't worry, they aren't overly "holy" if you are weirded out by Christian books. It's just that God designed man and woman for each other, and boy oh boy does HE have some good principles to build on. The books are very relatable and easy to read quickly.\n\nGo get advice from a source that you can trust. Know that my heart is with you as you are suffering.  And I hope that you can see past this incident, and try to make some sort of sense of the issues you are having.
997012
talk to a counsellor.\nthis is very unhealthy for both of you.\nshe 's never cheated you and why this bothers you...\ninsecurity...\ndon't let this garbage be back in your house..or you would keep on cleaning it..talk to her and share your feelings..\nbeing in marriage is being one..if one hurts, the other is hurt too... ask for forgiveness and give time with each other.
1083465
Start making a good faith effort to make things go better between you. Then keep making that good faith effort day after day until it pays off. And then keep right on making that good faith effort day after day, or she will feel like you tricked her, and you will be worse off than before.\n\nIn short, there is nothing like a husband who tries hard to make the marriage a good marriage to make a wife feel friendly toward him.
139841
Express to her how much you love her and that you love her more than ever.  If communication is a problem.. suggest marriage counseling.  Explain to her that making your marriage work is more important to you than anything.  Just tell her how you feel!
793683
Dear Omar,\nAm sorry to hear about your wife. It must really be tuff to hold out like you have. In my opinion, I dont think she would damn you for taking on a female friend. I realize it gets lonely especially for a guy. I empathize with you.  You know, I understand you want to stay faithful and probably have thought, what if it was me. Well, my friend, you ARE being faithful, as far as I know. Only God is the judge of what you do. And God knows your heart, whether you are being malicious or not. I don't believe he wants you to be with out companionship. Now sex is another story. You will be taking on alot of guilt because you are not free of your wife in your mind or heart.And suppose you get so involved you fall in love with this person. Then what? Do you chuck your wife and go with her? It is such a fine line as to what to do in this case. I mean what do the docs say about your wife? Is she brain dead? Is she losing body mass by laying? Is she deteriating, What? I say, just be careful not to add additional problems to your life that you may not be able to handle. Choose someone that clearly understands the situation and keep it plotonic(yeah right, huh?). Its nice to know you have someone to talk to and go to dinner and have conversation with, right? To go for walks and the movies. I know what you are talking about. So really you have to make that call and when you do make sure you have a clear conscience.
658541
Don't let her do it! She's taking advantage of you, and if she wants all that she should stay married to you! Obviously you're a catch and if she can only see that she might want to save the marriage:)
249828
Introduce her to some of your online friends...I'm sure they would be more that willing to form friendships with her too. You, from other questions you have posted are a happily married woman with some insecurities in your marriage...so, giving her some of your guy friends might allow a little more time for you to reconnect with your husband and make happiness where it really counts: at home:)\nSo, I say let her take a few of these friends off your hands...let someone make her feel good about herself, sounds like she needs it.