How can I get past the depression & guilt I feel over the loss of my children (without seeing a shrink)?
924947
You need professional grief counselling, hon. Call your local social services  agency and see if there is a group you can attend that has other grieving parents in it.  Sometimes, just knowing you are not the only one who feels this way, and having someone to talk to who understands helps
266751
first of all  remember  there is a grieving process u are  about to embark upon  go with  what feelings  u are going  thru  denial  will only make things worse   counselling is  often  great to do  talk  to other  family members  talk to a friend  u will cry lots  let  the tears  flow  that  gets  rid of lots of stress  take  hot  baths  candles  quiet times for yourself  long walks   cuddle with your  partner  embrace  your family  hold them close  never  pull away from them  they are there for u  i lost my father  and i went with the flow  and i eventually  started to feel  better but in time  it takes time    patience  is  a virtue  good luck
320075
There is a book you should read, called "on Death and Dying".\n\nIt describes all of the stages of grief that one goes through when losing a love one.  It really helped me understand what I was feeling and why.  Didn't make me stop hurting but I think it helped me get through some tough times....\n\nI distanced myself from my family as well because I thought that if I did that and something happened to one of them it would be easier to handle, but that was the grief talking and it was really clouded my judgement.  In time I realized that I better get as much time with them as I can because you never know how long you will have them.  \n\n\n\nDon't beat yourself up about how you feel.  I went through the same feelings and I was 27 when my Dad died.
144741
Hi there..\n   Our stories are similar and I'm always open for new online friends :) But you really should try and find someone to talk to in your real life like a therapist or counselor? Is there some reason you haven't done so before..?\n\n   In order to heal from anything traumatic, you must process it somehow. Talking about it is the key, but its something you should talk to a professional about.\n\nIts not your fault;you've done nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. And you need to find it inside yourself to do it for yourself, not just your kids and family. You're worth it!! :D
1106767
I would agree with the people who suggested PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) .. though perhaps it doesn't need to be labelled as that, to go through such an awful experience and lose your cousin and your friend .. plus you were driving .. I'm wondering if there are still emotional wounds inside that haven't healed. Sometimes we work on healing and it gets into our head - intellectually - but doesn't quite get absorbed in our heart - emotionally. Perhaps somewhere inside you feel a sense of guilt. I'm a survivor of child abuse, and we feel guilt over the abuse, over not stopping it, etc. even though now as adults we KNOW that we have nothing to feel guilty about, that it wasn't our fault .. but it takes a lot to really FEEL this knowledge. \n\nI think maybe it could be the reason for your moods, specifically BECAUSE you say "I feel I'm over it" and because you bring it up at all. If you were really over it, it wouldn't have popped into your mind as a possibility or even as a non-possibility. I believe you instincts are telling you where the pain lies. The trigger is not that experience of the accident, but day-to-day things that trouble or tire or worry you, these are the triggers that waken the old pain. The accident experience isn't the trigger, it's what GETS triggered, and the moods are the resulting feelings/behaviours of that. \n\nWhy not see a good therapist and tell her/him you'd like to process the feelings you have today about that experience, and find some awareness understanding and closure about it. What have you got to lose?  You have anger, fear, sadness ... if this turns out to be the reason, you can leave that baggage behind and move towards a happier way of living.  I hope you'll consider it.  You ARE depressed, and the best way to help yourself is to get some good help. If for some reason you don't have access to a therapist, please try a support group or a counselor, or at least a trusted person who will listen supportively and non-judmentally. I run a group online (free and anonymous) for survivors of childhood abuse/trauma, and if nothing else, you can always join us. It helps to talk and be listened to. I've put the link to my group below if you want. \n\nTake care of yourself and don't worry, you will get the help you need, and feel better.
702624
hi moll.  i'm so sorry for the way that you feel.  and i do wish i could make it better, but i can't.  i can offer you this though it may not help much right now.  sometimes when parents have a "special" child, they feel guilty. whether or not it could or couldn't have been prevented.  unfortunately, the guilt they feel, not only punishes them, but all those involved.  your brother included.  the only advixe i can offer is that you hang in there girl!  try to talkt o your parents, or the one parent who seems more receptive.  maybe you wanna ask or volunteer to participate in things with your brother and parents?  you sound like a sensitve person, and i'm sure your parents love you.  they may feel that you are better equipped to deal with less attention because you are "normal", though i don't personally believe that is true.  all children need, want, and deserve attention... maybe just in different ways.  find someone you can talk to, that will listen and hear your feelings.  i'll put you in my prayers.
883271
How old are your children, I know I felt that way when I had post partum depression....maybe you should talk to your doctor.
1042983
~~so very sorry to hear of your loss.   there is NOTHING harder than loosing a child.  I lost a child, not to sids, but my ex beat me and i lost my daughter.  people tell you things like, it will get easier with time, but it has been more than 20 years and i still think about my daughter.  if you are looking for a support system, or need someone to chat with about your child or your loss or your fears, click on my avatar and add me to your messenger, i'm a good listener.~~
620320
Thats got to be so hard for you. dealing with death is just never easy.  there is a grieving process you go through naturally but there is no easy answer to your ?,  have you talked to someone?  support groups are really helpful, talking to your pastor or other religious persons,  therapy,  other classmates.  Im so sorry for your loss,  I know how you feel.  Time does ease the pain but you never forget,  and someday in heaven you will see them again.  Know he is in a better place now and comforted.  No longer feeling pain and he is happy and content and enjoying exploring his new surroundings.  Talk to him/her,  he can hear you.  he is now watching over you.
1034234
This sense of loss you feel is real.Everyone grieves for diffferent periods of time.I can relate to how you feel since both my parents died almost 3 years ago. My dad was sick for some time and when he died it was almost a blessing to see him at peace.My mother dies 10 days later and it was such a shock.I tried to deal with my loss by talking about my feelings with my family.I found comfort in making a scrapbook about them. Sometimes it is the little things that will remind you of them. It may be hearing a song, seeing someone who vaguely resembles your loved ones, scents from perfume  or something so commonplace you associate it with your parents.These  memories while they give you sadness at first they later give you comfort when you realized you loved your parents and they loved you.I hope I can share a small prayer that I had read at my parent's funeral ."The Lord shall have their souls to keep, And I their fond memories when I sleep."
883733
Keep yourself busy doing something good for others and take it hour by hour. Time is the only thing that helps ease the grief-- but there will always be a part of you wishing for the happier moments with the one you lost.
587668
Hey your story touched me so i thought i would take the time to answer it, at least as best as i can! x\n\nFirstly, it must be dreadful to feel empty and lonely-as in a sense, perhaps you feel like you have lost half of your identity, as obviousley your mum is half of your biological makeup-and half of you!\n\nBut on the opposide side of this, is the fact that in that sense, she will always be a part of you, as you are half of her, which should give you some comfort. You are one of the closest people to her; so when you feel lonely and down think about this!\n\nAlso Never say Never either, and keep an open mind! Who is to say there isnt an afterlife? Its best not to think pessimistic, and say that you will never see her again. If she died, perhaps she died for a reason and is no longer in pain and is in peace.\n\nTry to talk to a close member of your family who would perhaps understand. Try not to dwell on the past and embrace the family that you have presently. At the end of the day your mum is in your heart and is a part of you, and that will never fade.\n\nxx
342548
That's a tough situation and I'm so sorry for your loss. You should definitely talk openly about this with other family members and friends. You should also consider seeing your doctor for depression. Since you can't bring your mom back, try to focus on how to celebrate her. Put together a memorial with her pictures, hobbies and guest speakers. Did she have any dreams? Live out some of her fantasies for her. Feel her passion and feel her spirit inside you. The mourning period needs some closure so you can move on with your life. Try talking with more people like teachers, counselors, and even strangers. Cry a lot. Also...go ahead and talk to your mom. Ask her for advice and let your heart guide you. But don't ever give up!
860896
Blessings on you and your family on your loss.\n\nThese sites contain lists of sites that deal with specific types of loss:\nhttp://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Grief,_Loss_and_Bereavement/Support_Groups/\nhttp://www.google.com/Top/Health/Mental_Health/Grief,_Loss_and_Bereavement/Support_Groups/\n\n... and another site you may find helpful:\nhttp://www.healingafterloss.org
242490
I know what you are going through, and I completely understand... missing your husband so much that it physically hurts.  It isn't the same seeing them on web-cam, or chatting in the Internet. Sometimes it helps to have a good cry (I always feel better after having a good cry), take a good long look at your kids, spend allot of time with them, watch them sleep for a bit, and hold them close... It will help.  Tomorrow is another day. Like the other posts said, start a journal, put all your feelings down on paper. Go see your parents or friends, get out of the house! Remember, take things one day at a time, and put your trust in god.  He will be there for you, he will shelter you, and he will take away the pain. I know this isn't really helping much but you will pull through this. I will pray for you tonight (and your hubby & kids.) Virtual Hugs (wish I was there to give you one in person) God Bless
201344
You need to see a Dr. you sound depress and they will give you something for it. I had to get something for my depression after my daughter was born.
840428
My wife and I divorced when our sons were 5 and 2 1/2.  It was a miserable experience.  The divorce was painful because I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore.  There was no normality.  Even more painful was not being with my sons everyday.  The hurt will not disappear overnight.  You probably don't want to hear this but it just takes some time.  One thing that will help is to maintain a civil relationship with your ex, but while the hurt is still there try to restrict your conversations to the children.  As for the children, do whatever you can to make sure you have as much time with them as you possibly can.  Focus your energy on making sure they know you want them around and that your home is also their's and they aren't just visitors.  I know the pain you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.  This won't make the hurt go away completely, but it does give you something to sort of hang-on to that is positive.