domestic violence,how do u move on emotionally when he,s gone??
919105
Get some counseling domestic violence leaves scars that will and can heal. Get busy doing something, not spending your time dwelling on the past relationship. God bless*********************
1016318
You have to go into this with an open mind. I had a similar situation arise and am still trying to correct it. I was in a relationship that lasted almost 6 years. I was verbally, physically and emotionally abused by my ex. I met a wonderful man who helped me get out of my situation and get my mind off my ex. But I still doted because I had grown a strong attatchment to him (my ex) even though I didn't love him anymore. By the time I realized I was in love with this new man, things were too late...I'm still praying for him to come back my way.  What I'm trying to get at is that you need to give yourself time to get over your abusive ex, because you won't be happy in your new relationship. Loving somebody else is a big sign that you're getting closer to that. Remember your ex is your ex for a reason and HE did all that bad stuff to you. Not your new guy. You will also realize quicker in a new relationship if he has abusive tendencies so you can move on.  I suggest calling him and trying to set something up such as    coffee, keep it casual and let him know face to face how you feel. I know your scared but you have to do it or you'll never know what could have been!
564761
Moving on is hard for him so be gentle.  Men don't like to feel rejected - actually nobody likes it.  I was schooled in Social Work and the key to letting someone down easy is making it about you. Say-"I need time to heal, to build your self esteem, to breathe, to be a better person, to experience life, to find myself" - are always good choices.  Let him know that this is not about him, but you really need your space and you don't want to be commited right now.  \n\nYou cannot be good for him if you need to work on yourself.  Now if he was abusive (emotionally or physically previously)-let him know that his time has passed.  If all else fails just simply say that you never go back.  You've grown.
16384
I have been in this kind of situation and got out of it safely and successfully. First of all, don't let him know you are thinking about leaving. It will only put you into greater danger. If possible, move every important document or anything else he might use to blackmail you to a safe place beforehand. Don't worry much about taking things that can be replaced. You should also be prepared to move to an area where you are not likely to run into him. Be prepared to change a job. When you move, keep your phone number unlisted and get a p.o. box for the first year. Or talk to a domestic violence councelor about getting a substitute address if you think he would be willing to go a great distance to find you. Making sure that he can't find you is the most important thing for your safety. If you plan to stay with relatives, choose someone distant, if possible, someone who he wouldn't think you'd go to and hopefully, you have someone whose address he doesn't know. Just lie low for a while until you get yourself together (it will be a hard emotional time), and then you can file for divorse and hopefully full custody of your child. A restraining order should help in your custody battle. It's very important that he has no custody because then you would have to keep seeing him and it would put you into danger. But there are plenty of ways for you to get away from him and there are many laws that will help you to make sure that your information is kept secret from him. You can go to a domestic violence shelter and they will be able to answer your legal questions. I got out of that situation, and now I am with the most wonderful man in the world. You can do the same! Believe me, you deserve much-much better!
1156045
You don't need to be in that kind of marriage, you can do better than that, take pride in yourself, and get out, get away from him, because he may be emotionally abusive right now, but it can turn to physical abuse later, and then it may be too late to get out except by way of a coffin, please, don't make the same mistake I did, I left only after my ex- cut my throat with a piece of barb wire wrapped around my throat, and shot a double barrel shotgun off by my left ear(hard hearing in that ear now) in front of our children.  I thank God for nosy neighbors, that heard everything and called the police, so, I send out praise to all the nosy neighbors in Manchester, Tennessee.   Get out now while you can, ask a friend to help you get out, or you can call the domestic violence shelter, and ask them to help you,, don't become a VICTIM of domestic Violence, be a SURVIVOR.  Best of luck to you and God Bless, I will keep you in my prayers.
1068162
It is very easy to say that leave n forget your past & Move on with life but actually it is not easy.\nDo whatever your heart tells you to do .You need to give yourself sometime Cry if you want to cry , call that person who hurts you or is the reason for your tears .Do it till the time you can & one day you will feel that its enough & Now You want to move on with your life.Cos that person is not giving you importance at all .See all his things which makes you cry & make lots of friends.\n\nThen you will decide that I will let it go I want to move on in my life.
788470
Tippy, the only way you are going to be able to deal with this is to forget it.  When you start remembering, stop.  Imagine something brings a smile to your face.  It's not wrong to stay with a man that you love, even if he's cheated.  But honey, it's your mental health that is taking the punishment.  You are going to have to forgive and forget to make it.  It's not easy and it's not going to happen over night.  I am sorry, your heart breaking is got to stop before it completly breaks.  \n\nDoes your husband help you?  What I mean has he ask for forgiveness?  Does he show you emotional support?  Honey, you need for him to help you with this.  Believe it or not, you need him to help heal from this wound.  He needs to be more loving, and shows that he cares that he hurt you.  If he's just blowing it off, like it happen-get over it-then you may never be able to fully forgive him and stop the tears.  He's the kleenex, he's the one that needs to wipe them away with his love.  \n\nHoney, you must remove the images, clean out all the thoughts of them together.  You are grieving in a sense, you have been betrayed, and it's like part of you has died.  It hurts, and it's so hard, but it can be done.  If you want to save your marriage, you are going to have too!  Your husband may have be so wrong, but now it's your turn to make sure you don't make it worse.  If you feel the tears coming on-focus on something else. Anything, but that.  When you start, or catch yourself thinking remember this...it's in the past and today's a new day, each day it will get less and less.  Your husband has got to do his part sweetie.  You can't make a marriage by yourself,  No matter how much you love him, unless you are going to be a silent wife, and just let him do what he wants when he wants.  You deserve so much more than that.  You deserve to be loved and respected, it's your choice your decision rather to forgive, and if this is what you want to do, you must not dwell on it any longer.  Kick yourself in the butt, if you have too.  I am so very sorry, no one should have their heart broken like this, but you aren't alone, and many marriages have become stronger from living thru what you are going through right now.  So, please dry those tears, take a deep breath, and remember it's all your choice how you deal with it.\nPraying that your heart mends, and the memories are forgotten, and that you have the strength to know you are worth true love and respect from the one you GAVE your heart to.  \n\nGod bless us all............
1044696
Dear asker,\n\nYou have to stop dragging your bagagge into your new relationship, he is NOT your ex-husband nor he has to be punished for what someone else did to you. It's not fair.\n\nYou have to put your guard down. He probally doens't know the details of your marriage and doesn't know what is most sensitive to you. You have to communicate and don't hold on to a grudge because youa re goingto explode, make a dramatic scene and drive him away.\n\nWhile is natural for you to feel tempted to walk away from a relationship because you are not going to take any more crap from anyone, I think that you are overreacting because probally your boyfriend is not doing nothing to you that merits such display of rage and emotions. Tell him about what makes you angry and sad and what subjects are better left untouched so it won't trigger your defensive mode, \n\nIf you want to try to be in a relationship, you have to learn to trust again (easier said than done) and let go of your bad experiences so you can freely enjoy love the way is supposed to be.\n\nBest of luck to you
800569
There's some good articles on how to leave an abuser in lovefraud.com\n\nMy husband is a stalker too but I've gotten numb to his ridiculous accusations and constant threats. He took every dime of my retirement account and left me destitute in hopes I'd be too dependant on him to leave. I left 2 months ago to stay with family. \n\nKnow this- you are a target, not a victim. Abusers use your compassion, humanity, and commitment to the relationship AGAINST you! They are not human. They have no empathy. They are empty and hollow INSECURE people. They need to control you, own you, in the worst way.\n\nNever look back.
718919
Do not feel ignorant. Abuse comes in many forms, and unless your husband gets help FAST, things will escalate. He has control issues, and feels very insecure about everything. Most abusers are insecure, and feel that violence is the only way to keep the things they love from leaving. But in actuality all it does is FORCE the things they love further away from them. I strongly suggest getting help, and if he refuses...you need to leave before things get worse. Without help, eventually your relationship with him will crumble to the point of nonexistance. There is no excuse for being violent with someone, and stress happens to everyone. Not everyone gets ready to beat the crap out of their wife/ mate however when the situation gets hairy. Once again, get him some help before its too late, or leave and work on you. Huge hugs, and best of luck.
368159
The first thing you need to do is either divorce him or get a legal separation.  You don't have to know where he is... you might even be able to get the marriage.  An attorney will help you with this and it's not expensive, most even have payment plans now.\n\nAs far as the way he treated you..... the best thing to do is treat yourself really well.  Realize that you made a mistake, but you were smart enough to get out of it.  It happens.  \n\nRemember that the hurtful things were not really about you at all... they were about him feeling inadequate.  Bad men do these things to try and control women.  He needed to put you down so that he felt better about himself.  Be aware of the way you got to where you are and don't let it become a pattern.  Heal yourself before you get into another relationship or you'll end up with the same kind of guy.\n\nBad things really can happen to good people sweetie, don't blame yourself, head up, heart strong, and move on.
237230
Time.  That's what you need.  It always seems to hurt a little less.  Don't pretend the person is not gone, but.... don't dwell on it either.  Make sure to stay in contact with those that you love for support.  Those that care for you will come through NOW- more than ever.
744034
Make yourself hate him, or try to remember things that he had done to hurt you. This helped me a lot to forget my exbf. \n\nAnd it took me 6 mths to move on and many years to let go of him. But at least it helped tremendously.
364878
sorry to hear that. but i really think you need to see someone professional to get over this. if you are getting back together you have to consider whether he will be able to understand you and forgive you. a professional will help you forgive yourself, however i think that there is nothing wrong with being with someone else when youre separated. feeling "dirty" - come on, the guy made you do things you didnt want to do, hes the dirty one!! make sure youre not getting together with your husband because youre feeling bad after the abusive relationship, you have to make sure that the true reason is your love for him and not pity for yourself. a professional will help yu figure things out! :)
89435
i did the same thing, just give it sometime for him to think about what he no longer has (you) and he'll come through. Sometimes, when you dont stress about a situation what ever you want to happen, happens so relax and you might get your man back.
869712
You need to leave, taking your son with you. If your s.o.'s prior domestic violence was severe enough to land him in jail, you and your son are in danger! But I think you know that. You need to go to your version of the Family Court and apply for an ex parte Protection from Abuse order to start with. If it is approved, this could give you temporary custody of your son and even possibly give you possession of your place of residence (depending on a lot of situations, of course.)\n\nOnce you have done this, get in touch with your version of the Legal Aid Society. They should be able to advise you about the legality of the recordings you have and help you at no charge. Also, check out the Domestic Violence Center. If you have nobody you can live with until this comes to a full hearing, they may be able to find you a safe shelter.\n\nOnce you go to a final hearing, if you get a FULL Protection from Abuse order, you can try for custody. You MUST try to do this, despite the threats. If you don't, you KNOW there will be more trouble and possible violence. If you DO this, you will at least have SOME chance that things will get better and you will have what you want and need.\n\nPlease -- take care -- but get help soon!
1114076
i don't think that there is anything that anyone on here can tell you that you don't already know.you aren't going to "leave him"untill you are ready to. and unfortunetly it may take something really hurtful for you to do it.\n       i was with an abussive man for a little over a year. i loved him to death though. when he wasn't hitting me, and verbally abusing me, kicking down my door, and cheating on me, he was very funny and "loving." he was and still is the only person who can really make me laugh, but he's also the only one who can really make me cry. i put up with a lot for that year or so, and people told me to leave him alone. even the police told me to leave him alone. but i couldn't. i loved him and i knew that he would  "change." \n        one day we were arguing and he hit me down to the floor and just began kicking me in the back and stomach. that's when i realized that he actually didn't love me. he just wanted to controle me. and he was able to do that by being "super sweet" so if i ever had a doubt, i could also think of something sweet that he had done( which of course meant that he loved me). by the end of that relationship, my body would literally shake at the sight of him. even to this day, a little over a year later, if i see him walking on the street i'm terrified.\n     i don't know, all i'm saying is we can't make your decisions for you. you have to look at your future... do you see it getting better? worse? staying the same? and figure out whether that is what you want for the rest of your life. i would have married that man, if he had asked me to, i loved him that much. but if i would have, my life would be a living hell.