I am in desperate need of advice regarding my adult daughter?
912438
I  think  you  already know what you  have to do.     In  the  first place  how  do you know -besides  what she has told you -  that  her husband was abusive?      One  way or other, it is  absolutely clear to anybody with half a brain  the woman is using you ...   and  using  her  own  children as a   weapon  against you  if you  try to  stand up for yourself.    Well,   the ONLY  thing  possible  for you to do..  unless you want  to   stand there meekly  and let her destroy what should be the peace and  tranquility  of your and your husband's  lives -  is  take a  stand  and Tell  this selfish, self-centered, self-serving piece of  garbage  whom you so unfortunately  have as a daughter,  that  you have already done all -  and in fact  more -  than you have  the means to do..   She is;pulling one of the oldest  games in the book  with those who feel obliged to fall over backwards for her  because of blood relationship   .....emotional blackmail.... and you have  allowed yourselves to  fall for it hook, line, and sinker.    Enough  already.    You  can't   "save the world"  and   those are  HER children,  so you  cannot  be held  responsible for  them  either.      You  have  already allowed this outrageous situation  to go on  waaaaay  too long,  and the  very behaviour that you have  described,  defines her   exactly for what  she  really is....  a  mean,  selfish, ungrateful,  freeloading opportunist  who needs  to be made to  hit the road  before  she  succeeds in  ruining   your  and your husband's  lives,  and  your health.
527571
You're mostly asking teens, see a counselor. And I really think you need a counselor, looks like you're in serious distress.\n\nI'm not a teen but I'm not a counselor either (and my English is bad). I'd advise you to calm down, understand that it's all normal, remember what you were when you were 15, try to be more open with your daughter, try to see her as an independent personality (not as Your Baby Girl), try to help her understand what's good and bad for her and to act reasonably. Explain her that at her age she has problems with acting reasonably, and that you (probably) were the same at her age. Explain her that a relationship needs openness and love. But better see a counselor.
640640
some times the best thing to do is just let her talk to whoever she feels comfortable talking to.  after she talks to her stepmom do her problems seem to be taken care of, or are they made worse?  maybe that should be your focus.  if she seems calmer after talking to her ex-stepmom why is there a problem.  if she seems worse after talking to her then maybe there is a problem.  your daughter is probably reaching out for someone who she thinks understands her and her situation in life.  maybe you should look at this woman as someone who could mentor your daughter instead of seeing her only as your ex husbands ex wife!!  all in all if it is good for your daughter then let it be.
215312
NOOOOOOOOO! it is not your obligation. you need to have some tough love with this child! Lay down the rules, and tell her that if she can't live with these rules that she is 20 years old and is free to move out. You are babying her! If you don't help your daughter find confidence in her abilty to take care of herself she may live with you FOREVER!!! or at least rely on you each time she is "down and out"
1089077
She can apply for emancipation. which will make her a legal adult.  But she does seem too young for you.  She probably thinks you are the way out of the hell she is in.  It sounds like the baby would be better off elsewhere, and not with you.  You like the young ones right?
697982
Tell her what you just told us.\nThat she ignored your feelings and betrayed your trust.\nTell her that you're very hurt by what she did and that she needs to respect your feelings, regardless of your age or the fact that you're "just her daughter".  You're still a human being like the rest of us.\nTell her that if she continues to betray your trust, you may end up not telling her anything at all.  No mother wants to be left out of their child's life, right?  Tell her that you want to be able to share ANYthing with her, but you feel that you can't now because of what she did.\nThis will probably make for a loooooong discussion, so make sure you're sitting down. ;)
962508
Well first I will comend you for taking care  of your grandchildren. It's not your place but you are good for doing it. Not to be harsh but it really sounds like your daughter is craving the wrong kind of attention from men. She needs a hard dose of reality that men like that are no good and often are the ones who are crazy. As for you and the children in your care i would seriously consider moving. However you can pretty much find anyone on the internet. It's a terrible situation you daughter has put you in. I dont believe the police will do anything unless he makes threats or actually harms you. The thing that sucks is the same basic rights protecting you are the same rights he has even though he is an abuser. IN ANY CASE if are afraid for your life or your loved ones I would still call the police and see what they can do. Because state laws vary i may not be accuate on what the police can or can not do. I'll say a prayer for you and I hope everything works out ok for yoy.
101919
you are so sweet!  most kids don't see things the way you seem to.  now, i don't have any of my own, but since i am someone's (now adult) child, i think i can give you a few suggestions.  first of all, while it may not be your responsibility to take care of your mother (or anyone else in your family), it is nice that you want to help out.  nothing wrong with that.  now, maybe you can start helping with laundry or other chores.  if you already do help at home, then maybe you can talk to some of your other relatives to see if  they are willing to talk with your mom and get her some help.  or at least give your mom a break by hanging out with you kids (or just you, if you're an only child) while she spends some time alone.  if you want to get her a gift, i'm sure she'll love anything from you.  maybe something for the bath, or some relaxing music?  good luck, and i hope you and your family realize what a good daughter you are:)
823996
As long as there are people brain washing her and telling her bad things about you she probably wont come around. You know your a good mother it sounds like your ex needs to find a hobby and quit trying to ruin the relationship between you and your daughter. I havent ever been through this but if my husband were to ever turn our daughter against me it would just break in two. My daughter is my every dream come true and I cant even imagine how things are for you right now. I hope that she doesnt listen to all this garbage thats been said about you and hopefully she will start contacting you again good luck.
603258
I wouldn't leave the state because, eventually, she will wise up and realize she needs and loves you.  That you are the only mother she has.  \n\nI would, however, not contact her (for 2 months).  I would want to know how long it would be before she missed me...but that is because I would be curious.  After 2 months, I would make contact again because I would never give up.  I am not recommending you do that...you need to decide for yourself what course of action you want to pursue.\n\nI'm sorry that your daughter is treating you like this.  You are obviously trying but she is just being obnoxious and rude.  Sounds like she is siding with her father over the separation and there is no way to know what he is telling her.  Just take it a day at a time and someday, she will wise up.
993289
You are ONLY human, and facing more tests and trials than most people do in a lifetime, all at once. You are tired, to the point of exhaustion even, and you need to be able to rest and recuperate some. Unless dad is abusive(which he is not), then you need to let him keep her at least part-time. You ARE NOT, neither will you be, a bad Mother if you let Dad help you with his daughter. I know it's a tough thing to do, but hopefully, it's temporary, and you can get better. Then you can resume your keeping and caring for her . Good Luck!!
76837
Hey bro, I feel bad for you. It sounds like you have tried working with her about this. It sounds like you have been patient.You are going to need to make some tough chocies.You are going to need to find out what's really the problem ( her not feeling sexy?,is she having an affair?,not in love with you anymore?,have you done something since your daughter was born to make her act this way?,ect..)You sound like you love her and your daughter and don't want to leave. It sounds like she's not willing to kiss, be romantic,or try to see a doctor about this.To me if she just wants to be friends and isn't willing to change then maybe it's time for you to re-think things out about what you what you want in a wife and if this siutation is really good for you and your daughter. If you continue to be unhappy, this will start to effect you much more, which will at some point effect your daughter, which is something you don't want, she's done nothing. I think it's cool that you are trying to keep your family, but you also need to have your needs met. I would keep trying to work with her on this if you feel it's worth it. If there's no change and if she's not willing to see a counseler then mabye it might be time for a change. Love and passion is something that can be worked out if both parties are willing to work things out. Just don't go deep and and get emotional and do something that's dumb. Everyone has bad stories with quick fixes. This is your family. Think things out before you act on them. Good luck. I hope very thing works out for you.
399731
You may not be able to directly, she needs professional help.  You can help see that she gets it.
866812
just let her know you worried because that's how people get in to debt and that you'd rather she didn't have one. say if you ever need help don't get into debt ask me for help. that's what my dad yous to to say to me.\ngood luck. I'm not a parent but i am adult (21).
31300
I agree, give her very little if she is unwilling to be an active participant in your marriage.\n\nShe won't let you see your daughter.\n\nI'd get an emergency child custody order in place.  What she has done may be considered kidnapping.\n\nSpend the money on a lawyer to gain access to your child.\n\nOr better yet, have her bring the child and give her a one-way ticket back to Thailand.\n\nNow that I've given my emotional answer, consult a lawyer for a recommended course of action.
588462
why don't u call the number of the office that sent u this letter and demand for all of the details? obviously u are not the only responsible for that kid, where is she? how is raising her? why don't u call there and ask what is going on? what makes u wish to stop her after 9 years u didn't do anything? if u have changed Ur mind now, after all of this time, first try to understand what is she going throw?!
297879
I have a similar situation. But it is SHE in my case. Plz..help us both(the asker and me).