married young and stuck in a rut?
929854
I guess that goes to show that long dating/engagements aren't a guarantee that you'll know the person.  I dated my wife for two months before marriage, and we're doing great after already 5 years now. \n\nIf you married him, try to work it out.  Find common ground.  Pray to the Lord for help, He will do it.  \n\nDon't drag those children through the mess of a divorce.  Pray for help.
185517
Work it out now before you get married; things are only magnified after the marriage.  If you can't talk about things now, marriage will only make it worse, not better.  I would go to a counselor.  If he's not open or willing, is he really who you want to spend the rest of your life with?
319551
My suggestion would be to start all over, let me explain.  When you were dating, before kids, before the wedding, what did you do?  Did you enjoy going to dinners?, movies?, hiking?  Whatever it was that brought you two to the point of falling love do it again.  Send the kids to grandma's for the weekend, get a babysitter for friday night and go to dinner.  Sure, it may feel a little weird the first few times you go out, but that's because you haven't done it in a while.  Start slow and build from there.  There's no majic trick to finding the spark again, you need to work at it, but it will come!  Remind yourself, and your spouse, why you fell in love and got married. \n\nHope this helps!
174229
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
434857
hmmmm...tough life!\ni understand its never easy to go in for change at this stage in life when one especially feels like sitting back and looking at the life one has lived and smiling about it.\ni guess one shot at trying to salvage a 20 yr old marriage would be justified, so none of you two can blame oneself or the other one for not having done anything to preserve the marriage. and maybe it went this far just because u both have been waiting for the other one to speak up or adjust to you....and the distance kept on increasing gradually till it reached where it is today.\nit is never too late to start afresh, and neither to restart the same old life either.\nstart with talking to each other about the problems u both had(no fighting though)\ntry marriage counselling once(for yr kids if not yrself)\nand meanwhile try to make yr life lil more interesting, start working part time or something.\nand if nothing works...then u think about the rest\nface reality...u hav worked on yr life for 20 yrs and u hav 2 kids...u just cant let it go purely because someone thinks she can take yr place, but like i said earlier...no screaming and creating a mess, try and keep yr exteriors calm(very difficult, but thats the only way regretfully, even if u feel like shooting people)
16338
No one can really do it for you.  However, have a supportive spouse to positively encourage helps and/or an exercise buddy is great motivation!  You just have to both be willing to pull yourself and each other out of the slump.  I am working on that myself!  Good Luck!  You can do it!
715068
DO NOT MARRY this man. I hope you have confidence and the boldness to get up and leave now.\n\nYou should try getting some counselling from a Pastor at a Christian church. They are very helpful and free of charge.\n\nI Pray the best for you & your children.\n\nGod Bless!
623932
mutual mid life crisis..
224410
good for you! do it. life is too short to second guess yourself. do it 4 urself. do it 4 ur kids. do it 4 ur future.\nlet's be hypothetical ok... let's just say that ur life takes an unexpected turn and ur husband is not in ur life anymore. now what? let's say u lost everything materially and there is no support, emotionally and financially, now what?\nu go girl!\neducation is the key to happiness. don't let life hold u back if u can help it. follow ur educational dream. it's the best thing in life.\ndon't sit around in ur old age and say "what if?".\ndo it. do it. do it!!\ngood luck! im with u all the way!!
277007
Go to a local marriage counselor.  Do it before the marriage is really in trouble.  Or there may be psychological problems that can not be fixed.  It is great you know he loves you.  Good luck
341036
Don't make it harder on yourself by staying and being miserable. \n\nYes you may still love your wife but people change and your needs/ desires changed as you grow older.\n\nIt is odd but humans grow accustomed to EVERYTHING, whether it is good or bad. In this case it sounds like it was a good situation gone bad.\n\nYou have to ask yourself "is this relationship worth it?" Only you can define the "it", because you know exactly what goes on inside your relationship. \n\nIt took time to grow together, involving each other in the everyday things in your life. It will now take time to learn to live without that person, but you can do it. There will be times that you feel like you've made the wrong decision, but trust that you have if it is truly what you wanted to do.\n\nHaving said that i say go for what makes you happy - life can get you down in so many ways - you should find what makes you happy.
320519
Are you in a bit of a rut?  Maybe need to change a few things.  I mean, do you do the same stuff every day?  Change your routine, go out, live a little!
1041699
Are you ready to be married and be alone?  This isn't about money or status, it is about two people that can handle staying commited and true no matter what and at your age that is a lot to bite off.\nI bit it at 18 and found at 30 that I really felt I had missed out on lots of fun.\nIf your love is real it will weather the time in the airforce and still be strong when he returns.  I suggest waiting so that you both still have the freedom without regret to experience the rest of maturing.
1103358
counseling is wonderful...if you truly going to work on trying to save your marriage...and living apart while doing so is not bad either...you could start fresh ..so to speak.... however... how can you try to save a marraige if you continue to see and want to be with someone else?\n\nthe only feasable way to truly try to save your marraige... is to tell your friend...that he will have to back off for a while...so you can see if you can salavge your marriage...who knows ...there is a possibility your husband could change...and you could see the man you married to begin with; but...if it doesnt work...you can leave knowing you gave it 100% ...and start a new life with your friend.  \n\nall in all ...you have some serious thinking to do ...this is something only you can answer...we are just here to offer suggestions...\n\ngood luck
81301
It is going to be hard since the two of you are now apart.  Sounds like you are a little unsure about the stability of your relationship.  If you want things to slow down, tell him. Marriage is something that you take slowly to ensure the success of it. You don't want three years from now to end up in divorce... or cheating. take a deep breath and talk to him about the situation.  Maybe you will realize that the two of you are ready, or perhaps the two of you will make the mature decision to take things slowly!  6 months is not very long to be getting engaged!
273465
Be patient with yourself, join a support group at your church or talk to a family counsellor (with or without your spouse). Be patient with your kids, spend as much quality time with them knowing that they are caught in the middle of an adult issues and are too young to understand the complexity of these issues.  Just go out and have as much fun with them as possible at the park, mall or the children's museum.  Do not neglect your health (ie: overeating-->obese or undereating).  If you're not into the gym go for light walks, and by all means use meditation tapes they really do help.  Give your spouse that space she needs  but keep the channel of communications open.  Be honest with each other and don't try to sweep your marriage issues under the rug or they will never be resolved.  Good Luck.
124599
Been there, done that. I was 17 when I got married, I am now 34 and yes, we are still married. I had my son when I was 19, my daughter when I was 20 and my other daughter when I was 22. My hubby had a career when we got together but since he was still young(he was 20) he still had more he wanted to do with his life. More dreams he wanted to accomplish. I loved him and wanted him to be succesful and do his thing so that his dreams could come true and I figured it was all ok because I would take care of the kids and the house. I figured I could go back to school later. We struggled, financially and  emotionally. We loved each other(and still do) and thought that was all we needed to get us through.I got a job to help with the bills and tried to take a class at the local community college. It was hard working full time all day, going to class twice aweek at night doing homework, keeping up with the house work and trying to find time to spend with hubby and the kids. The kids spent alot of time with a sitter(she was good but a sitter is not mom) It was exhausting. I finished my class and decided to wait until he was finished with all his schooling and until I had more time and money.\nIt's funny how when you don't live your dreams at the right time, and think that you can do it later, later never comes.\nLife got in the way so I never went back to school. My kids are teenagers now and we aren't rich, sometimes we still struggle financially. I still want to go back to school but I know that in 3 years my son will be graduating from high school so I am saving MY education money so he can go to college and so his sister can the year after that.Then 2 years after her, my youngest will need the funds to go to college. They will all go to college because I don't want them to be where I am right now. Not regretting that I got married, especially  to the guy I am with, but , wishing I had waited until I had done the things that needed to be done to make me feel accomplished.  I could have had more to offer  my children, ( more time with them, the ease of knowing that the electric will always be on instead of them having to worry about things like that). I'm not gonna tell you not to get married, that's a decision you will have to make on yur own. I will tell you though, to think it over, in a mature fashion, without your feelings for your guy getting in the way. Think about the things you need to do for you, what you want out of life. Think about your future children and how you want to live. Then make your decision. \nDon't be 34 and wishing you had done things differently. \nThere's only one road in life and it is a one way road going forward. You can't go back to change things, so, make your choices count.