Troubled Love with long term boyfriend?
931046
If he is selling  the house you share, is pushing you away ( emotionally ) & still wants sex  - yes, he is using you . Im sorry you miss him & believe me, I more than know what your saying, but sweetie - you cant make him care for you if he no longer does in that way.  You deserve to be more than anyones booty call. There are lots of guys out there who will treat you well & love you . Good luck ! :-)
1062773
i can understand what you mean as there was something similar that happened between me & my boyfriend but cuz of different reasons...but it was my boyfriend who was in your position & i was on the receiving end...its very tough when someone you love says that they can no longer be with you for whatever reasons...just because we love each other so much, we try to understand & do what the other wants even when thats not something we really want...our mind accepts the situations & tries to adjust but our heart just doesnt wants to let go...you imagine all the things that can go wrong & also how tough your life would be without that person...this feeling of insecurity & depression is terrible...you also began to question that whether that person really loves you, cuz if yes than how can that person take such a harsh & insensitive decision...all this is just a matter of your emotions & you imagine everything thats positive or negatve...when this happens you try to take yourself away from that person & try to act tough cuz you dont want that other person to know that after saying that you understand, you have so many questions going on in your mind...this happened with me & though i really love my boyfriend i was still hurt tremendously by his decision to break up even when i agreed & understood his reasons...i think your boyfriend also is really hurt by whatever happened...its good that you plan to go back to him...i would suggest that you talk to him & try to get out all the pain he is carrying in his heart cuz of what happened...you'll have to shower unconditional love to make him feel secure with you again...treat him nicely, spend time with him & appreciate his presence in your life...just let him know that you belong only to him & there's no one who can love & understand you the way he does...i am sure you'll be able to do that cuz you truely love him...Goodluck!!
970802
Have you just asked him.  Ask him how he feels for you than ask how he feels about her.  Then ask if he had to choose who would it be.  if he says he don't know than maybe you should get some space but don't disappear.  If you can't handle his feeling for her than you should give ur self some time. Don't be with a man who loves someone else.  but if he tells you his feeling for you are stronger than his feeling for her than you stay and fight for him.  He seems honest considering he let you both know about each other, so I think he'll be honest about his feelings for the both of you.  You Know, even when people love each other they do grow apart and even though they have nine years he may not be the same man and may actually be the one for you now.
570616
You should tell him the truth, that you are not ready for this long term relationship, and that you think he would be happier with someone else. It is just too much for you at this point and you should tell him that, and how he can't pressure you in to anything you don't want to do. Tell him you care about him deeply but that you dont feel the same way as him. He might say that if you cared for him that you wouldn't do this, but it is because you care and you want him to be happy. Stand your ground and don't give in to guilt.
982507
Seven years is a long time to be with someone....you have a lot of history together which will not be easy to leave behind.  You need to really examine the relationship as only you know if it is worth saving.  If you really love him and things are good otherwise, then I would take him up on his offer and get some counseling.  That will also help you decide if he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.  He may also be able to overcome his self esteem issues and be able to better perform in the sexual arena.  So try the counseling.....give it another go and if he falls back or you decide it's just not going to work then you can move on....Good luck in whatever you decide
343198
i don't think you relationship is that intense if he hasn't, but i'm guessing "blindly", more of a "black and white", low passion standard thing. and if he doesn't feel it that's strange, i think. i mean, i think you "should" be in love with someone you've been seeing that long. but, you are in collage and this may just be an extended fling so keep that in mind. but i am strange so i don't know
884121
You are going to have to bring it up with him if he won't. These things can be really difficult even for the closest and most articulate of people. Yours / and his possibly hearts are at stake here AND yours / his most significant relationship. He has been the only one that has endured over the past 7 years isn't he? Although I must add you didn't really give the others a chance by continuing to see and sleep with your friend, did you? You clearly actually love him on a lot of levels, which is wonderful but pretending that you are happy with the set up is just wrong and will ultimately make you really unhappy. If you are sure of your feelings for him then you must either bring it up with him or if there is some doubt in your mind that he feels the same way about you, you are just allowing yourself to be used. I'm sorry but it's true. I don't think any man would let the love of his life slip through his fingers, which may suggest he likes your relationship the way it is because there are no pressures/commitments etc... which men usually associate with a girlfriend/partner/wife unfortunately. Why do they think this? I don't know. Anyway, I would bring it up with him, it's clearly at the forefront of your mind and doing your head in. Maybe start by saying simply "We have spent so much amazing time together over the years and now more than ever, I never want it to change but I just feel I need to let you know how much I think of you. I love the time we spend together and you on so many levels". See what he says and take it from there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest, in fact I would highly recommend it. Too much time is wasted in this life and we only get one shot at it (that we know of!). All the very best to you.
538680
whaz ur final destination? \ndo u expect tht this love will turn out to be a marriage?\nthere are many points which u need to consider..like...ur economy status, society, family conditions and last but not the least how is the guy like?\nin times, we think wht we are thinking and analysing is right and everyone seems to be ununderstandable for u and u think tht they are wrong. but the fact is u know everything but u didnt accpet the reality.. reanalyse urself.\n\nin times , we want to stick to the fantasy world just for our pleasure. perhaps the pleasure satisyf's us mentally, physically and emotionally. \n\nif u are enough matured to understand a relation , then u would have never asked this question. so do analyse the terms of the relation and the ppl around u and ur boyfriend and ofcoursed urself.
407207
since he is your boyfriend, and not your husband... do you think it will get any better? Sounds like your togheter more for convinence then for love. Your obviousley missing something, else you wouldnt ask the question. \n\nAlso the is a part in a relationship where you are "in love" that phase is useually the first two years. After that you have to work harder on your relationship for it to last. Seems like you just past that stage. Now you will see how much true love there is between the two of you...
25026
You should sit down with your boyfriend and make clear that you don't want to break up, if he really loves you he'll understand your position and will try to fight for that relationship.. But if he still wants out, beleive me girl, he doesn't love you the way you think.. Just think about it.. when someone is in love with another person, that someone will do anything to keep it together and will fight for his/her love...
370707
If I was dating someone for 7 years and they haven't popped the question yet,.I would start to think if I am waisting my time or not.  No offense but If this man doesn't want to get married and you do,..then maybe he's not the right one for you.  You need to just be strong and try to tell him that you want a life long partner, not a life long boyfriend.  You only live once so take the time you have and make the most of it!!  good luck
102936
oh please think about what you want to do.  Read you statement for yourself. everything that you are telling us about this man is all the reason to leave him.  I have been though it and i thought the same thing you did. (I love him). but it only gets worse. please belive me shy away why you still can. You don't need to stay with this boy, please put yourself in our shoes and read what you have wrote like you are reading a friends letters and see the sings. you might be in love with him now, but as time goes on and it might take years! you will see that this is not for you and that you can not take it anymore.
150514
Hopefully, he will always have love for her.  If he doesn't you've found yourself a psycho who can turn his emotions on and off like a light switch; this personality can kill easily.  You don't want a person who will throw away love without regard.  You want someone who loves all the way through  ... this gives you a serious chance in the relationship.\n\nNow, the real question is ... "How do I know if my boyfriend is ready for a serious relationship with me?" But, to figure this one out, you need to spend time alone with yourself and ask yourself "What do I want from this relationship" ... then you need to sleep on this question ... wake up, ask it again ... sleep on the question another night ... then if you've honestly answered yourself ask him, "What do you want from this relationship".  Just like you gave yourself time in answering your own question, give him time too.  When he's honestly answered  check his desire against yours ... if the answers match, great, if not evaluate your choices and make a decision.\n\nSounds tedious??? Well, it's supposed to be fun! Life is supposed to be fun and you need a new direction if this process isn't fun. Likwise for him too...he's supposed to be having fun in the beggining of the relationship.
824852
Good on ya mate!  I love to hear that there are some long term relationships out there.  I've got 26 years in mine and there have been some tough times....and it looks like more on the horizon.  But I am optimistic.  We've made it this far.......I'm sure we can handle this storm like we have all the others.
998591
No, I don't think you have to be in love to continue a relationship, but it's usually easier to keep a relationship steady and good if there is love involved. Relationships without total love and commitment are usually relationships held together by other things (perhaps kids, or a shared job, or something else), and those relationships are always a little harder to maintain. Along with that, sometimes relationships continue for a long time because the two people involved are just secure with each other and don't want to go 'fish in the ocean' for another person that might be better.\n6  years is a very very long time, though. That's really great that you've made it that long! Now try to ask yourself some questions: can you imagine what life will be like in another 6 years? Will you still be with him? How are your jobs/colleges going to interfere with your relationships? \nOne of the worse things you can do is end a relationship just because you think the other person miiiight want to break up. It's good that you have talked to him about your feelings. Try to talk with him more about this topic, and ask him if he still wants the same things out of life and his girlfriend/wife that he wanted 6 years ago when you first got together. \nAlso, take a look at yourself. You mentioned how your boyfriend feels that he can never please you the way you want him to. Could it be that you are being a little too demanding? Or are you looking for a fantasy boyfriend in your real-life boyfriend? Those are always good questions to consider, too.\nRemember, just because you've been together for six years doesn't mean you will be together forever, but nor does it mean that you have to end it now. Communication is the best way to go. Good luck!!!
651582
Your boyfriends loves you very much.\n\nIf he didn't he wouldn't put up with the way you behave, especially not at the age of 20. There are millions of young girls out there that he could have but he chose YOU. He loves YOU and he only wants to be with YOU.\n\nHe can't show you that every minute of every day because that simply isn't normal. You would probably get fed up with it if he did, you would feel smothered.\n\nYou need to sit and imagine what life would be like without him. How much you would miss him and how much you don't want that. You have to appreciate him and concentrate on the good points of your relationship.\n\nWhen you feel the rage start building, count to ten or walk away. He is much more likely to come after you than if you scream, cry and act crazy. When you do that you are actually making yourself unattractive to him and let's face it, if someone was screaming in your face and acting crazy, you would want to get away from them wouldn't you?\n\nYou are definitely NOT crazy, don't worry. You are very young and your feelings for this boy are obviously very strong. Love can make us do crazy things! Just calm down, take your time and let him have some space sometimes.\n\nYou should also have time away from him to spend with your own friends. If you never leave his side to go do something different how are you ever going to have anything to talk about? You could be telling him funny stories about things you did with your friends and making him laugh and love you even more. It will make you more interesting - it's very easy at your ages to get bored with a relationship. You have to keep it going but make it fun. \n\nHowever, hurting yourself is serious stuff and is usually the product of low self-esteem. Don't be afraid of the doctor - he/she can actually help you. They certainly wouldn't think you are crazy or lock you away. There are thousands of young people with similar issues. One day you will look back and think 'I can't believe that was me'. Unfortunately, it's all part of growing up.\n\nYou have taken the first very big and VERY important step. You are talking about it. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Your feelings are what makes you the person you are, never be afraid to express them (calmly). Please talk to your doctor - you will be surprised how kind and helpful they will be.\n\nTake care x
1170636
You aren't really in love then.  You are infatuated. It's that butterflies in the stomache feeling that is most often deplicted in movies as love.\n\nI think you should dump them both and spend sometime figuring yourself out.  \n\nDefinately dump the guy who you've had 'problems' with. You're too young for 'problems' in any relationship.  My guess is that you are too young for a serious relationship anyhow....I mean if you are refering to infatuation as love, then you have a long ways to go before you settle down. \n\nI say get out there, date a lot, and don't get tied down.  Live it up while you have the chance because if you stay tied down now, you may never have another opportunity to experience all these great aspects...\n\nTo me, it sounds like you just like being sought after. I don't think you love either of them, you just like being the object of affection.  \nDon't jerk your boyfriend around, think about if he were doing this to you...\n\nOh by the way, don't misuse the word love...it cheapens the word...and in the eyes of more intelligent men, it cheapens the user. \n\nBe wise! Good luck!