How do you get through to a 19 year old that the guy shes with is no good?
926716
sounds like she either has very low self esteem, or she is being rebellious for some reason.\n\nnot really easy to convince her that she is ruining her life. she'll have to figure it out on her own. sometimes we need to make mistakes in order to learn from mistakes.
416002
Move on brother, she has found someone else, oh ya, do not attempt to get an explanation out of her because it will never come and you will only end up humiliating yourself.\n\nTime to be a man and suck it up, besides, look at your ages, did you really think it was going to last forever, ha. You will get you heart broken plenty more times in the coming years so learn from this and move on. Peace.
661624
Here are somethings to consider:\n1. She's a scared as he might be by graduating. He'll go on to meet other girls and her 16 year old life will be a memory or after thought. Reassure her that is not the case.\n\n2. She's 16. Changing there mind is what they do. Marriage? Not in real life but now the reality of how different they are maybe setting in.\n\n3. Don't push him but be there for him. He'll talk when he's ready but you're the "other people" and could never understand what he feels or so he thinks anyway. You'll get your chance to speak but don't beat him up with what you'd do.\n\n4. Pray\n\n5. Be careful of boudries you set. All that matters to him right now is the girl. He may disregard any booundries you set which will cause conflict with you.\n\n6. Pray\n\n7. Explain to him her mindset (see #1). He needs to reaasure her and give her room. If he wants to keep her then he'll have to bit the bullet on this one and just do it.\n\n8. Never say there are other fish in the sea or anything close to that. He doesn't want fish, he wants lobster. Saying that gives him the impression that you don't feel where he is with it.\n\n9. Did I say pray?.\n\n10. Time. This is the part that hurts the most. He'll always feel something for her but only time will work for him. You don't need to rush him through it but love him through it. He needs his parents to hold him up in love. Not control who he loves. \n\nThe lesson he'll learn when it's all said and done is what love not only is but what it's not. This is a part of his development and as much as it hurts him (and you) he'll grow to maturity if he fights the good fight. \n\nWhatever you do, don't liken his kid relationship to a real marriage. To him it may be but you in your maturity know that we have all been here before and it didn't kill us now did it? Just love him through it and give him some room to grow. He'll be okay. \n\nLastly, we all respond to emotions differently (death, births, marriage, divorce etc). Some emotions you can't help but just need to let them take there course until they have run there course.\n\nDid i mention prayer? That's what I'll be doing for you.
915675
Well sounds like shes really gonna go all out to try to win this guy back. I dont think you can stop her if she wants it that bad.
979753
He seems to have put you in a dilemma so just how much is he worth ,,,, You are only 19 ,,,, You are too young for this kind of crap and you don't need it either ,,,, A relationship should be fun and exciting and certainly NOT like what you've just explained ,,,, As far as the drug problem is concerned ,,,,  In my experience I've learned that once a user then always the user ,,,, This is his problem and there's nothing you can to do remedy it ,,,, It's more than obvious that he doesn't really care about you anyway ,,,, If he did he'd be bending over backwards to show you how much he cared for you ,,,,,  You explained that you can't even find him ,,,, Do you want to be his baby sitter for the rest of your life ?? ,,,,  You need to cut your losses and run ,,,, You need to drop this guy like he was a hot rock or something ,,,,  And stick to your guns ,,,, Don't let him talk you out of it no matter what he says or how he acts ,,,, Guys can be good actors too up to and including tears ,,,,,  Don't let him fool you ,,,, He's chosen his path ,,,, You need to worry about your own life ,,,, Don't let this guy drag you down ,,,, Start looking for someone that is concerned about you and is willing to do what it takes to make you happy ,,,,  Yoda said this ,,,,,
783116
hey, tell her if she was any good he wouldnt be going out with you.
186277
stay with this crazy friend of yours and dont let him do anything stupid, and tell him i said to get over it, move on and find someone better.  Think of it this way, if she was all he had, he has nowhere to go but up.
845029
You are obviously still young enough to find a better person.  This guy has waaaay too much baggage for you to carry.  Take it from someone who wasted alot of her young adult age on the same guy you just described.  Believe me, you're wasting your time.  At first, because we were "in love", he was all for the "help" and did alot to stop the bad habits he had.  But after a few years, he started to resent me, because I had "tied him down", "made his life boring"  you get the picture.  Then when he became depressed, because he wasn't having any "Fun", (If you call drinking yourself unconsious fun or getting arrested because you started a fight at a gas station, fun)  He was so pissed at me all the time, because he couldn't go "out" that he started to verbally, then physically abuse me.  I tried to stick by him,  help him, I always told him that "all I wanted to do was help him", he just said I was trying to control him.  He would purpously start fights with me just so he could leave and use me as an excuse to go "out".  The funny thing is , I refused to listen to my mom.  I paid for it with nine years in hell, and I haven't seen my family for twenty years.  Please while you still haven't been through hell, get out.  If you choose to stay, keep in touch and on good terms with mom, you WILL need her someday.  Watch out for the warning signs and take care of yourself.  Good Luck
575094
Yes, I've been there. It sucks! But you have to be true to yourself. I let the guy know that I wasn't all about being his P.O.A. I wanted a relationship. I am not the type of girl that you can call whenever you want a booty-call. I told him that. I gave him a few chances to change how he was towards me, and he didn't. I told him I was tired of how he treated me, and I left. You have to be true to you, and don't give in to be with someone. Don't give him the chance to use you for sex. Make him want you before he wants sex. You are young. You will find someone who wants to be with you for you and not for sex. Make the person wait. If he's into you, he'll wanna be with you for you before you sleep with him. As far as the following, and calling thing. Tell him he needs to get over it, and stop his crap. If he doesn't, and it gets to where you are scared (past the point of just plain tired of it) I would look into a restraining order, or talk with a police officer or counselor at school as far as what you should do, but be careful. Dont let something like that go, either. That could get ugly, and scary.
1137239
Hi Tiera,   well it sounds like this guy is a real jerk. Not trying to be mean or anything just going by everything you said.  Now, as far as your friend goes I believe that you should stick to your guns and be there for her.  If you havent done so already,  I think you should tell her all about this guy and just prepare her for what you might think will happen. Don't try to make her break up with him per say,  but just let her know that you are telling her these things because she is your friend and you dont want to see her hurt.  Thats really all you can do at this point.  Sometimes in life in order for someone realize what they get themselves into they have to learn the hard way.  The only thing you can do is just assure her that you will be there for her no matter what.  She will appreciate you more down the road when she realizes she was wrong and you were right.  Stick to you guns hun, and dont abandon your friend because this is when she is gonna need you the most.  Good luck with everything...........
251239
I'm assuming that at 19 you are out of school. Probably out on your own. And she at 17 is most likely still in high school and living at home. Well, assuming that is the case, we'll go from there. At her age, she should be running around with her friends and having fun. She is almost out of school and out of her teens and once she gets involved seriously with a guy (possibly you), her time with her friends will become scarce. So, she needs to get that out of her system now. As for you being too controlling...do you get upset with her because she is "always gone all the time" and "demand" (for lack of a better word) that she spend more time with you and not with her other "obligations"?\nHow are things between the two of you when you ARE together?\nHow long have you two been together?\nIt may not be you at all......but don't let it get out of hand. Talk......and really listen to each other.\nGOOD LUCK.
488557
u can't do anything now. She's 20 and still young(translate=to her mind, you cant tell her what to do). she's determined she knows what she's doing. All you can do is wait, talk to her as much as possible, tell her your feelings about her relationship without pushing it of course, or she will take it badly. Indeed the rougher you are to her, the more distant she'll be and do things that she might regret. On the other hand, if you're open enough, she will confide to you, and you will be able to grasp the opportunity to talk to her and reason her.
548029
Well, her boyfriend is a loser if he's breaking up through a freaking note! That should give her a lot of comfort knowing he's lame.  Just letting her know you're there for her and if she needs to talk or just needs someone's shoulder to cry on you're there.  Sometimes people need someone to listen to them or just be in the same room without anyone talking.  Also, Ben & Jerry's icecream is the BEST cure ever.  Have a girs' night out when she's ready.  Let her know life isn't over and that her boyfriend is the one who is at loss! Who writes notes to end an important relationship?? Like I said, his loss.
484951
Tell her , that you want to learn the hard way if she thinks he is so terrible! That she should leave you , and if you bump your head , you know not to do it again in another situation!
140328
tell her that its not right its disgusting and to get away from him and if it gets really bad get a older guy that she knows around his age to kick his *** or go to the police to get a restraining order its really important and its not freakin cute either so tell her as soon as possible this is not a thing to take as a joke many girls have this problem and they don't have the time or rather the chance to do this so get major help b.c girls die every day from being raped b.c after hes done shes finished and plus HES DRUNK  GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT HE CAN DO.
595670
Tell her to go after someone her own age.  She isn't going to win the teacher over, all she can do is get him in trouble.
489755
no girl at 17 needs to be with a guy like that, i would sit your daughter down and have an adult conversation about if this is the type of life she wants, a guy who can't afford anything, shrinks responsibilities and screws around? come on tell her to have enough self respect to know that he is gutter trash and not worth her time!