Chuck Norris hates Jackie Chan... Why is that?
916859
he doesn't chuck was the man in his time and now it's jackies time where did you get your info\n) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the\n\nprobability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.\n\n2) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.\n\n3) A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't\n\nyou know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured\n\nthis man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever\n\nsaw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.\n\n4) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.\n\n5) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and\n\nincludes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck\n\nNorris has not had To pay taxes ever.\n\n6) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck\n\nNorris.\n\n7) Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is\n\nafraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.\n\n8) As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away\n\nin the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to\n\nthe1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in\n\nprofessional football history.\n\n9) A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for\n\nhandicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot\n\nbelongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park\n\nthere.\n\n10) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't\n\nthe best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as\n\nthe worst mistake anyone has ever made.\n\n11) If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.\n\n12) At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse\nkick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris\nChuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.\n\nChuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.\n\nChuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. \n\nChuck Norris can cut onions without crying.\n\nChuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.\n\nIf you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.\n\nChuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. \n\nChuck Norris can believe it's not butter.\n\nWhen Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with\ncranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."\n\nWe once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.
867314
Chuck Norris uses an actual punch as his punch line.
1009766
I haven't but my husband has....\nHe was taking a karate class in South Carolina and Chuck Norris was invited to the class as a guest instructor. Norris asked if anyone would care to step up and spar with him, and like THE DINGLE-BERRY DUMB-ASS he is, my husband, in a moment of sheer stupidity said he would. Well he goes up to Chuck Norris, they do they're bow and then Tony, my husband, kicks Chuck Norris right in the face. And before Tony had a chance to even realize what he'd done, Norris layed him out. And I mean LAYED HIM OUT!!!!! Tony said the last thing he remembers is seeing that big foot coming at him at what seemed like light speed and then looking up at the ceiling.\nTrue Story, no joke!\nIs my man not a big DUMB goof-ball or what?\nAnd what made it worse, when Tony returned back to the class, the next day, the instructor conned Tony into sparring with his 9 year old daughter and she wopped his butt, too!\nLMAO\nBut in his defense the little had been taking Karate since she was about 3 or 4 so, she was way more advanced than him, and in so many ways, lol!
469670
dr. phil is the antithesis of chuck norris.
206790
Jackie Chan! He can act. He can be funny. He can be serious. Very versatile! =) gotta love him!\n\nSegal looks fake, like a statue from the Wax Museum that just happened to come to life.\n\nVan Dam can only has 2 faces: scary. and no expression at all. kudos for his muscles though.\n\nBUT I STILL THINK JACKIE ROCKS!!! =)
355394
Call Chuck Norris something stupid while you go visit his set. The cameras will catch you getting roundhouse kicked in the head! Good luck!!!
305092
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
52093
He is a CULT icon. Pure and simple. Chuck Norris has made some of the most entertaining movies of all time. Even if they had lousy production values, they entertained a few generations of kids who are now grown up and remember those movies and bring it up for nostalgia. Its a guy thing too. And Chuck is an honest to god badass.\nI think the real question is why he isn't even more popular.
383626
chuck norris does not use condoms because there is no protection against chuck norris. \n\nchuck norris has counted to infinity twice. and can divide by zero.\n\none day chuck norris walked down the street with a full erection. there were no survivors.\n\nchuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris.
164800
Obviously, Chuck Norris would wipe the walls with anybody...even Bruce Lee!
292458
Definitely Jet Li despite Jackie Chan does not use any stunts in his movie but he is more an entertainer than a fighter.  Jackie Chan is not answering the question directly since he already knew the answer that Jet Li is going to win.  That may or may not mean that Jackie Chan is running away from the fight.  Furthermore, it also depends if Jackie Chan was answering that question in English or Chinese, for if he is saying that in Chinese, meaning might be lost in translation.  While if he said that in English, he might not mean that literally...English is not the first language of Jackie Chan.  I came across many guys in Asia called Jackie.  To them, there are still their other names in their month tongue language!
323041
"You know what kind of furniture Chuck Norris has in his house?" "Bowflex."\n\n "Chuck Norris never blinks his eyes. Never."\n\n\n* * * \n\nTeenagers all across the country, many of whom have never even seen Walker, Texas Ranger, are telling Chuck Norris jokes.\n\nThey're really bad. If you want to blame someone, the guilty party is a Brown University freshman. Since last summer, Ian Spector has been spreading jokes like: "Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there."\n\nI collected 40,000 jokes like that. Every day he gets more than a half-million hits on his Web site, The Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator (www.4Q.cc/chuck/) His jokes have been picked up by Saturday Night Live. \n\n\n* * * \n\nCustomer walks into the Boston Market.\n\n"How you doing tonight?" says Matt.\n\n"Good."\n\n"You know who else is doing good? Chuck Norris."\n\nThe guy browses the selections, asks for turkey.\n\n"We're out of turkey, sir," Matt tells him. "Do you know why we're out of turkey? Chuck Norris."\n\n\n* * * \n\nWhen the craze started, Norris was more befuddled than angered or amused. He let his publicist handle the newspapers. He stuck to his Walker persona, which is, you know, brick wall. On his Web site, he basically took this position: I. Get. It. Ha. Ha.\n\n"It's so new, he may not have figured out what it means yet," his Los Angeles publicist Jeff Duclos said on Tuesday.\n\nThe phenomenon surprised everyone. Norris' series ended in 2001. You see him now on Total Gym infomercials and reruns. He was old news to kids.\n\nThen last summer, Ian Spector - the freshman from Brown - invented his Random Fact Generator. He started with Vin Diesel (www.4Q.cc/vin/) Sample: "When mortals rub two sticks together, we get fire. When Vin Diesel rubs two sticks together, we get Christianity." \n\nIt went over modestly well. Ian asked his Web audience to nominate a successor. Chuck Norris was the overwhelming favorite.\n\n"It exploded," Ian said this week. "Since last summer we've had 50-million hits. We generally get between 500,000 and 800,000 hits a day."\n\nHow come? "It's interesting, most of the people don't know his work, but they know his character," Ian said. "He's cool and calm, but he can kick butt."\n\nThe jokes are anything but ironic or mean-spirited. They celebrate and enlarge the myth, through the demented lenses of teenage boys. Only a 17-year-old computer geek like Ian could have done it.\n\n\n* * * \n\nHigh school girl approaches the front door at Boston Market. Matt likes what he sees.\n\n"Hell-o, hell-o," he says under his breath.\n\nShe orders for her and her mother.\n\nMatt says, "You know why Waldo is hiding all the time? Chuck Norris."\n\nThe girl gives Matt a look. She just read one of these jokes on an away message from a friend. "What is it with Chuck Norris?"\n\nMatt: "Chuck Norris is God."\n\n"Apparently," she says. "I don't know, he's got that funky moustache. It just kind of gives me the willies."\n\n\n* * * \n\nAbout a week ago, Ian Spector looked straight into the flinty eyes of his craggy, but still seismic butt-kicking foil at a casino in Connecticut. You might say Ian was staring into the face of death by karate chop.\n\nIan brought his dad, a business lawyer, to the get-together Norris had requested. Norris ominously brought his own lawyer, plus his business manager, plus his wife.\n\n"It was all a little surreal," Ian said.\n\nNorris may be 65, but "he looked like the kind of guy who could handle a tough guy," Ian said.\n\nAs for Ian, "I'm no eighth-degree black belt by any stretch of the imagination." (Norris is working on his ninth.) Ian looks like what he is, a kid from Rhode Island, stud
227588
Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick him into oblivion.
543766
I hate chuck norris so i'd have to go with jack bauer, but i don't know who he is.
627241
Chuck Norris is an experienced martial artist and former world Karate champion. He has trained with Bruce Lee and helped him create his famous style Jeet Kun Do.\nMacGyver gets his butt kicked every week it is a no contest.
19792
obviously chuck norris, he has much more martial arts and physical combat training (since he often trained with bruce lee) and is the 6-time World Karate Champion, also a karate teacher, and has founded two of his own martial arts styles: Chun Kuk Do ("the Universal Way") and American Tang Soo Do. There is so much more than this too.
425996
Chuck, Chuck, Chuck Norris.....>>>>>>>>