How do I solve bad blood between husband and my parents? I am always straddling the fence on my opinions.?
928338
Your wedding vows stated it the best .Honor and cherish,forsaking all others to cleave only unto her from this day forward. What more could any parent want than for their child(ren) to be happy with the life they have made for themselves. It may not be the parents'choice but it is not their life. I think your parents should try to keep everything in perspective.Sit down with your parents and let them know you want them to be a part of your life. However you will not let them come between you and your husband.Let them know that you would like to build a home with doors that are open  not closed. It is their choice how the door works.Good luck.
75907
Since you didn't post this in the marriage section I will assume you aren't married and no children are involved. \n\nFirst, ask yourself if the changes you have asked him to make are reasonable.  If whatever he is doing is really not acceptable to you and you know you can't live with it, get out.  It may be hard at first but is better than continuing a relationship with someone you know you really can't stand.  On the other hand, make sure that you aren't expecting him to be perfect.  People just aren't, and if it's trivial things that are aggravating but not incredibly so...just deal with it.  \n\nIf you told him you'd leave and you continue putting up with him- you have not followed through and he'll never believe you.  Be sure you are really ready to leave and be without him, because (gut feeling) I think you're hoping you'll leave and he will be crawling back- changed for good!  That isn't going to happen.\n\n*********************************************\nAnyone trying to control where you go & who you see is not what you want to get mixed up in! Now I have a clearer picture of what you are trying to change, and it isn't socks left on the floor.  Stay with mom.
829206
your husband is the one that needs to put his foot down! tell him what is going on..and that you would NEVER put up with this kind of behavior if it were your own mother/sister. \nyou married him, not his mother...yes she is part of your family but she doesn't and shouldn't have a say in YOUR life together. \nhonestly i would look to move away! * that's what i encouraged my husband to do when we got married. we moved my mother in law to Hawaii! * \nif your hubby won't put his foot down then your going to be the one to say something. it may be hard, but YOUR HIS WIFE! that car you borrowed is YOURS as much as it is your husbands...you need to stand up for yourself.\nbe firm but cordial, and tell her that you understand that she loves her son very very much, but so do you. and you are his wife. \nhe is a grown man, and you two want her to be part of your life, but you don't want her controlling it. tell her that you feel like she doesn't like you, and that your trying your best to be a good wife to her son. but you will NOT let her make you feel guilty about the decisions that you make together as a couple. ask her how she would feel if HER mother in law butted in the way she did? \n\nperhaps talking w/your father in law might help? or a brother in law?
78169
This is a family issue. You know you are innocent so, I would allow your mom to know whats going on. Yes even your father. They can be your greatest allies here. Sometimes parrents can be a true blessing and in this case, maybe MOM has a few tips up her sleeve that can really help. After all she was once your age and had her best friend too. I would goto them with everything and let them in on it. That way your relationship to your folks is greatly inhanced and they may even have the solution you need. Its worth a shot.
1056116
Why not let them study both religions that way when they are older they will be able to decide for themselves and make an informed choice.\nThis is something that should have been thought out before you got married but you don't need me to tell you that whichever way you both decide to handle this people will disagree & be upset especially older family members, a compromise like I said above will really please neither side but should providing they aren't fanatics be liveable
851679
two different men, two different stories. your parents did the right thing, no one wants to see their child hurt. sometimes it isn't possibble to talk to someone, and sometimes depending on the man he straightens up. can't really compare the two. u should be happy your parents were there for u, and u had a way out of a bad situation. perhaps your in laws daughter didn't have the same kind of man as u did. some people can take critisism and learn from it, some can't.
393245
if your both fighting and not happy why bother to stick it out. if his mother is not nice to you and he wont listen to you when you tell him about it is he really thinking of your best interests? your not married yet and already your not happy, and he seems to not care about that. personally i would not be with my husband if he didn't listen to me when i told him i was uncomfortable about something. as much as you want to put his feelings first you need to think about yourself too. if he doesn't make you feel good about yourself run fast and run hard, a lifetime can be really long when your not happy
783993
Obviously things weren't as perfect as you thought they were.  Your parent's divorce is between THEM.  Not you and them.  They have things they have to straighten out and you have nothing to do with the divorce itself.  When they get to the child custody/support phase then you will be able to have your say.  You don't get to make the choices concerning  your parent's marriage though.
1022042
You have to keep in mind if their are children involved they will always be the first priority.  You should never expect a parent to choose you over their kids. In-laws I'm a bit shaky on. But you are  not the only person w/this kind of anxiety.
57978
OK, hon. First of all, you don't need to prove your love to him. No matter what anybody says. No matter who you date, they will never be good enough for mommy and daddy. (Unless they pick the person) Second, don't focus so much on love. Give it time. I don't know how old you are, and personally I don't consider it an issue. If you focus on love, you will be heartbroken if things don't work out. I'm not saying set your standards low. I am not saying don't love this person. What I am saying is spend time with him. Enjoy the relationship. Don't get married young. And for gods sake don't get married without first living with the person. People seem VERY different when you have to share space with them. Trust me about that one. Don't rush. True love doesn't need a wedding band. If you love someone, being with that person should be enough. Sex is nice, but even that isn't necessary. The company of your significant other is all that is necessary. If you two love each other than that is all that matters. Marriage and sex are over rated. (Sex is nice, but still over rated) If you love him then your parents will eventually come to the realization that he is sticking around. They will either come to accept it, or they will disown you. I know this. I have been married. I was only 19. I told my parents the day before. At first they accused me of being crazy. They made some pretty insulting comments, and I told them to go fuck themselves. They learned to accept my wife and even grew to like her. You are your own person. Heres a motto that my stepfather taught me. "If you don't fuck me, feed me, or pay my bills......Go fuck yourself!" Your family is an important part of your life, but you didn't choose them. You were born with them. You couldn't change who they were. Your boyfriend is somebody that you chose to bring into your life. Your parents should respect your decisions. And if they think you are a fool for being with him...... remind them of who taught you. What examples did you have to follow. They are the 2 biggest influences in your life. Whether you know it or not. Everything that you have witnessed from them as a child has molded you to be the person that you are today. Everything from not enough hugs to the overprotectiveness. They have made you who you are. If they are unhappy with that, then they should try to do a better job next time.
80370
If all that you said was true, why would you and your stepdad be arguing? Give us an idea what the last argument was about and we may be able to help.\n\nI saw your addition. From what you said, it looks like he just doesn't trust you. There is no quick fix. He's new to the family and you are an unknown. As to why your mom sides with him, that makes sense. Too often teenagers try to play the parents against each other, especially if one of the parents is a step parent. You may not have done that, but they have to show a unified front.\n\nIf your stepdad is reading your diary and such, he probably believes what is written in there. Why not write your feelings in it? You can write how you are trying to be the best you can be but are still being mistrusted by your stepdad. Don't be overly negative. Just say how much you want a chance. It might work.
970590
Oh I struggle with this constantly but for different reasons. My parents are addicts. There comes a time in life when you must concentarte on you. If those around you, particularily family have reached toxic levels where they are poisoning your own life, it's best to back off and distant yourself. I would not write them off entirely, I've thought about doing it myself, but it all comes back to they are family and we cannot choose our family and like them or not, through them we are here. I don't know how old you are, but if you are younger I would suggest possibly just distancing yourself and speaking up with the issues you disagree with and make certain they know that it hurts your feelings and do not entertain their ignorant remarks and actions by giving any other reaction other than telling them that at this point and time you do not agree with their opinions. If you are young, there could be possibly something else going on that they are actually concerned about that you aren't seeing just yet. However if it's purely based on race, I'd keep my feet planted in your beliefs and hopefully with time after you stay away from them for awhile they'll realize their love for you is stronger than their hate for another.  I wouldn't give your father any special treatment either, because he is encouraging everyone around him by not speaking up if he truly is aware of their issues and agrees with you. Sounds to me like your father may be ignorant as well, and only agrees with you in private for fear of losing his little girl. All you can do is stand strong in your beliefs, distance yourself from how involved with them you are, but I wouldn't write them out entirely. Now if they begin to do anything harmful that causes extreme physical or emotional grief then I would cut them off entirely. Hopefully with time though and your distance from each other they'll see that they were wrong and have second thoughts on their ideas and opinions, especially if the man you love becomes a true gem and treats you the way they always hoped a man you'd find would. Good luck though, racism is ugly and deeply rooted in those who are and often continues on in people out of their own fears. Just be thankful that somehow by the grace of God their ignorance didn't rub off on you as you were growing up, as if often sadly the case with those raised by parents with beliefs such as that. Enjoy the love you have found and ignore what they say. Find comfort with the one you love and through his family until and if yours ever comes around to their senses! God Bless you dear. Oh and pray for them because it sounds like they need it!!
123875
You and your husband need to talk about the situation, and your mother in law (and/or father in law as well) should be brought into the conversation later, since they are taking part in the wife bashing. If your husband doesn't stop allowing the wife bashing then you need to consider some therapy - he needs to get that you are his wife and his mom should not be beating up on you, and if she does he needs to put a stop to it.  She's entitled to her opinion, but she doesn't need to voice it.
817359
It actually sounds like your in law problems aren't as bad as some folks.  On his side, if it's pretty much the little sister that doesn't get along with you try developing a relationship with her, take her to lunch, call & chat with her if possible.  Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground.  If his family feels intimidated by your outspokeness, try toning it down around them a little.  Sometimes it can be a real learning experience to just listen to other folks.  It's probably just different communication styles.  Again, just look for as much common ground as you can find.\nOn your side, I think your mom needs to get a grip.  Your husband sounds like he's good to your son - what does your mom want - for you to hold out for the guy whos in jail?  She needs to learn to accept your choice.  Best wishes!
315035
They are in your house and will just have to deal with who you are. I know you feel like it matters what they think, but if you're already married to the guy then he obviously doesn't care what his parents think. Be yourself, and just try to be nice to them. If they talk down to you, etc, get your husband to talk to them and explain that he doesn't appreciate them disrespecting you in your own home. Stand your ground!
592512
Do you love her? Do you want to stay married? Can you move farther away from her parents so they'll interfere less? I guess everything depends on how much you love her and want to fight to keep her. And how tired of her parents you are. \nMy husband's mother always interfered in my marriage. He chose me over her, so now we don't speak to his parents at all. But our marriage is better now than it ever was. I guess it all depends on the two of you. Can you stand up to her parents and tell them to stop bothering you two? Can she tell her parents NO? If not, maybe those papers are a good idea.
1017878
Go with your own instinct.You  may want to keep the peace by agreeing with your hubby, but if you feel your child is not in a healthy situation with his father's family, then it is your first responsibility to put your child's welfare above your husband's feelings.