How do I pull  myself back from falling into depression due to broken marriage?
914052
I am going to assume that your hormones (because of your pregnancy) are contributing to your mental state.  It is hard to be alone when you are pregnant.  But you need to remember the reasons you walked out.  Being abused during your pregnancy is much worse that being alone.  It's not uncommon for a woman to still have residual feelings for someone who has abused her because our hearts don't always listen to our brains.  But believe me, you are SO much better off and your child is too.  Find things to occupy your time.  I don't know if you are working, but start a new hobby like working on a scrapbook for your baby or anything that you like to do.  Before you know it, you will be a new mother and you won't have the time or energy to worry about someone who treated you so badly.  Just remember, you deserve better.
218581
Honey, I know how that hurts. It happened to me with my marriage. I ended up divorced. It does no good to try to pick up the pieces with someone who no longer loves you. You need to just let her go. I know how hard it is but you do get over it in time. Give yourself some time to heal and then think about dating again. It won't be easy but you'll get through it day by day. God will help you and so will we. You can always find a friend here on YA. If you need to talk, my email is on my profile. You're in my prayers, Sweetie. God speed.
51798
I agree with Dragon on this one.  Yes you are heartbroken and yes it wil take some time.  They say divorce is like death.  The processes of grieving are very similar.  The only difference is that the one that you love is still alive and kicking.  Take this time to examin what you want out of life.  Appreciate this time alone and do things that you could not do when you were married.  Enjoy the lack of nagging and complaining.  And enjoy that you can act as you did before you got married.  Time heals all wounds and with this time, you have the ultimate chance to reexamine your goals and proiriities in life.  Take it one step at a time and you will be fine.  I know the pain that you are going through and I know that it hurts.  But trust me, your heart well eventually stop bledding and once that happens, chances are you will see that one true person that you are meant to spend your life with.
184387
Please find a qualified therapist/counselor and get professional guidance.  They can help you understand how you got to where you are and therefore, how to move forward to change it.  \n\nI would also like to suggest a book that may be very helpful to you called: "Count Your Blessings", by Dr. John Demartini.  It is published in the U.S. (available at Amazon.com), but it may also be available in your country because Dr. Demartini now resides there part-time.  It is a wonderful book and can help you balance your perceptions about what happened to you.  \n\nOften we only see the negatives and fail to understand that even in the worst of circumstances, there are always positives that help balance things.  When we do manage to see the balance, that can help us to move forward and overcome the negatives - even terrible negatives.\n\nBest wishes and good luck!
128142
You have answered your own question.  All the things you mentioned - you will need to bring back.  Opening the communication is the 1st step to recovery.\n\nOr you could sigh up for Wife Swap.
110407
dude, my wife is going through some sort of depression/trauma crap and it's eating me up.  I just want to fix it for her so she won't hurt anymore, you know what I mean?  God, I love her so much that every time she cries if feels like someone is crushing me and I don't know what to do about it.\n\nor, at least that's how it effects me.
870892
I know it's hard because I know how you feel sort of!  I haven't had the same problems but I got married quite young.  I'm an American so I didn't start parting till I was 21 and got married at 22.  I sometimes watch shows about Ibiza and so on and like why can't I go there?  Plus, I have problems in my head from High School and everytime I try to talk to my husband he is like "Your'll get over it!"  Still he knows when I need to talk and he'll listen.  So sent down with you husband and tell him what is going on before you get depressed!
274056
I've been married to a guy just like yours for awhile now. YOU can't control it, you just have to learn how to let it go. Learn detachment, you learn to roll your eyes, let it roll off your back and let it go. I go in another room, read a book, just get away from it. Learn to nod your head alot and smile. If you love him, you can make it happen, it just takes practice. Alanon is a wonderful source for helping you to detach with love. Go to a meeting, trust me, it will help!\n\nGood Luck!!
1048271
Firstly must say you seem like a very special man. Secondary I shall say that it is time that you concentrate on yourself a bit more (to be able to move forward)\n\nBe respectful, always reliable, helpful, be understanding, be her shoulder to cry on (life is funny.. but wheel turns). But at the same time give her space at this time as you don’t want to loose her.\n\nI had a friend who his wife left him for another man. They have two kids together. He was always there for her (but had other girlfriend but did not commit 100%: in fact I was one J ). If she was sick, or needed something, or pick their kids up: he was always there, kept nice contact with ex-in laws because of the kids.. She went back to him when she was in trouble. He let her. He let her leave him again for yet another man (even married) He was her friend, warned her about the guy who ended up to be an abuser. She left this guy in the end, she matured, and they now together (but he did not remarry), He is now 48, his wife 8 year younger. He married he as she was only 19.\n\n*******************************\nJust remember:\n*******************************\n\nForming a relationship with your ex is entirely separate from the process of ending a marriage; if you work through the process to achieve your "emotional divorce," you can cultivate something entirely new. Your old relationship is over; take the steps to heal so that you can invest your energy elsewhere.\n\nGood luck.\n\nps meant to say: and you get a new hobby and have fun with other people as soon you will feel better and might make new friends and will not feel lonely. The reason why we LOVe or MISS people is beuase we miss that comunication. Once you communicate with others it will be better for you. And who knows, maybe your ex -wife seeing how popular and outgoing you are might ant to herself be your friend asap.........  show her your new side that she did not see before :-)
1048708
Your situation sounds very similar to my life story.  My wife and I got married very young, and I was not always very nice to her.  I drank a lot, and though I never physically abused her, I did emotionally.\n   She ended up becoming distant and looking for emotional relief in other men.  Never physical, but emotional hurts just as much.  I ended up meeting a woman, straying, and falling for her and it almost destroyed my life.\n   My wife and I go to counseling, which I suggest for you, and are working extremely hard to repair our marriage.  We are doing a good job, and things in many ways are better than ever, but there is still work for both of us to do.  In the end, ideally, we will have both grown stronger and love each other all the more because of all we have been though with each other.\n   This man is probably more of an infatuation than love because you are feeling things that you have missed.  Devote yourself to your husband, and him to you and remake better than before the love you had.\n   Get counseling, work it out.  Find you flame again.  If this does not work, than the only option left is to divorce, but this should be your last option, not your only option.\n\nGood luck.
535012
Well, of course your going to feel this way. Having someone take advantage of your good nature would naturally scorn anyone's soul and heart. How long has it been since the divorce? Your just going to have to have time to heal. I would suggest though going out to put your mind at ease, but don't rush into another relationship quite fast.  Trust is something your going to just have to build with women again. Look back at your ex-wife were there signs that she was out for just money? If so use those signs to your advantage and beware of such signs in future relationships. DON'T EVER TELL SOMEONE YOUR DATING THAT SHE WAS A GOLD DIGGER. This may lead them to believe you could easily manipulated and taken advantaged of regardless of how long the marriage was. Simply say it was mutual and you rather not discuss it. Besides it's no body's business regardless of whom your dating or not. If there were no signs then be even more aware don't be to harsh w/ us women NOT all of us are out for money. I will pray for you strength to get back on your feet. You pray for a good Christian woman to come into your life and to be able to learn to trust again. Good Luck & God Bless. When you decide to become involved with someone again don't continue to be on the defensive either. You choose to date the woman so give her a chance, but just be aware of signs. Trust her, until you have proven it to be other wise or it's broke.  Don't allow your insecurity from a previous relationship or your ex-wife to ruin your chance for happiness.
84757
Sounds like this hit you hard. Sounds like you didnt know it was coming. They have support groups for divorce people. Try going out and doing something for yourself thats make you feel good, and dont blame yourself.
641183
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
888016
Yes, my wife and I have experienced the same thing. Before the kids everything was great and after she lost all interest. 6 years later we are still not 100% back on track but things are better. Here are a few ideas that may help you:\n\n1. accept with busier lives that you won't be back to 100%. With kids and their needs your opportunities for intimacy and times of the day to engage are diminished greatly. Accepting is the first part.\n\n2. you have to communicate your needs to each other. If you feel overwhelmed and distracted at home then he needs to help out more and not just on the days/nights he "wants some" or you will just feel used and unappreciated. Together you will have to work out a new, mutually agreeable routine. \n\n3. communicate what really excites you both. Find out about each others fetishes, real turn ons and fantasies if you haven't done so already. Be open to new ideas that might intrigue you and spark some interest again - be willing to slowly step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Make it fun with no expectations attached. Experimentation is often very pleasureable but not always!\n\n4. Devote some time where regardless of what is going on you have time for just the two of you. Maybe it's every Wednesday night after the kids go to bed. You leave the dishes and just do nothing but spend time together - reconnect so to speak. Too often after the kids come along the couple becomes "good friends" and lose that closeness / intimacy they felt when no one else was around. \n\n5. Don't feel guilty if you have lots around the house/work to do and you feel in the mood. Go after it, seize the moment and enjoy yourselves. You can always catch up on the other stuff but it is harder to mend a broken/struggling relationship.\n\nIf you really want it (pardon the pun) you have to communicate, be understanding of how you both feel and truly work hard to come to a solution. Your libido level and his will not change so you have to figure out a plan that will work for you.\n\nGood luck!
404009
First of all you need to get over your depression mate, nobody wants a depressed person around.\n\nDepression is all in the mind and doctors and phsycies like to go on saying it's an illness or whatever to make money out of you, making things worse on the person.\n\nYou are depressed? Yes I believe that you may be depressed, but to stay that way is unacceptable!\n\nWhat is getting you depressed? Right now it's you wife being unhappy right? You need to find out what got you depressed before!\n\nE.G:\nIs it cause you don't get paid enough? If so go ask your boss for a boss for a raise, if you haven't asked cause you afraid, get over it, go ask and you'll sort this problem out, or even get another job.\n\nAnother E.G.\nAre you depressed cause someone died and you can't get over it? Well the answer is simple... GET OVER IT! Cry, shout, scream whatever, get the F over it!\n\nIf you are seeing a doctor or Phsycologist for your problem, trust me, they don't work, get rid of them and it's you and your mind, the gloves are off! GET THE F OVER IT!\n\nMany people go on to wimper "I can't do it, I need help" Of course you can, you can do anything, I can you can he can she can, we can.\n\nStop being a baby, if you still think you can't get over your depression, or give up trying, then you should just give up your wife, I know it's gonna be hard but just do it, don't think about it!\n\nNEXT... Why are you even entertaining the fact that your wife is talking to her ex? Where are your balls mate? You should be in charge, get up and get some life into yourself, and you'll stop being depressed and your wife will love you, be happy and respect you.
1016017
Recognizing the fact that your needs weren't met is a big first step in resolving the problem. Obviously, you can't go back and change history, and unhappily, too many people go through life seeking the love they didn't get as a child. Too often, they accept it from the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. \nYou have identified a problem, now you want to move on to resolving it. First, accept that this is the way things are. There is nothing you can do about that. \nSecond, identify people in your life today who do meet your emotional needs. Are you married? Do you have a loving spouse? Do you have siblings? Any relatives who were influential in your life? Emotional support can be drawn from many sources. \nThe important thing now is to draw a line under the past, and turn your thoughts to the future. Sometimes people who have suffered emotional trauma in their childhood go through life saying, "Poor me," which is terribly unproductive. \nIf you feel overwhelmed by the task of re-aligning your life, think about getting counselling. That's what counsellors are for. It isn't a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength that you can recognize the need to get help, and go find it. That's a positive step, and one which may help you towards a full recovery. \nI empathize with your problem and hope you will be successful in resolving it -- because it can be resolved. You still have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don't waste it by letting your emotions become numbed or stifled because of your past. \nGood luck to you.
364878
sorry to hear that. but i really think you need to see someone professional to get over this. if you are getting back together you have to consider whether he will be able to understand you and forgive you. a professional will help you forgive yourself, however i think that there is nothing wrong with being with someone else when youre separated. feeling "dirty" - come on, the guy made you do things you didnt want to do, hes the dirty one!! make sure youre not getting together with your husband because youre feeling bad after the abusive relationship, you have to make sure that the true reason is your love for him and not pity for yourself. a professional will help yu figure things out! :)