Christmas Jokes. hope u like it?
930262
that had me laughing out loud. The secound one is something that would prolly actually happen at my house, and the third one....yeah......could just see my little sis doing that.
995620
Go here:\n\nhttp://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
557105
Some funny sex jokes.  They're awesome!!!
796494
There is one like that, but it goes:\n\n\nThere is a little boy and all he wants for Christmas is a new gaming system. So he writes a letter to Santa saying that he's been good and wants some cool PSP, (Or whatever else is cool), his dad (Being his kid's Santa)...Know that this isn't true, so he tells his kid to write another one. The kid does, and again it says "Dear Santa, I have been good and want a really cool _____!! Thanks!" The dad knows that this again isn't true. so pissed, the little boy goes to church, comes back with a balloon, and a small statue of Mary. So.. instead he writes: \n\nDear Jesus,\n\nI have your mother, if you want her back I need a new gaming system!!!\n\nThank you!
1043700
hehehe...i like your jokes, they are giving me a good laugh for today!
1135780
OK - have seen a lot of jokes on here.  THIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH.  Thanks........
151255
been nowhere, did nothing, stole the t shirt.\ncome to the dark side, we have cookies.\nback with a vengence... and a mug of cocoa.\nsaw it, wanted it, threw a tantrum, got it.\na pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick up the backside.\nof course i dont look busy, i did it right the first time.\nalways remember that you're unique, yust like everyone else.\ni started out with nothing and still have most of it left.\nDo unto others…then run.\nYes I missed you. But my aim is improving.\nSupport your local medical examiner - die strangely.\nThe main reason Santa is jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.\nLife’s a beach, and then you drown.\nLife in a vacuum sucks.\nGot kleptomania? Take something for it.\nRomans didn’t find algebra challenging because X was always 10.\nLife’s short and hard - kind of like a bodybuilding elf.\nTwo wrongs don’t  make a right, but three lefts do.\nI’m not afraid of the dark…it’s the stuff in the dark I’m afraid of.\nEven if the voices aren’t real, they come up with some good ideas.\nRock is dead…long live paper and scissors!
19532
Maybe from the Christmas cartoons?
107870
Yes, someone knows one or more funny jokes.  http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/;_ylt=ArnzjuRlqSbxSa5yiGyF8SL4y6IX?link=list&sid=396546041
782220
LOL, a very rare thing on  here is to read jokes that I have not read/heard b4!\nNice to see an original
1147119
Jokes for atheists?... maybe we can have some laugh atleast with jesus ****
460479
Nice .... very funny lol
1053238
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you."\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell, he heard "Jesus is watching you."\n\nFreaked out he shined his light around frantically looking for the cause of the voice. Finally in the corner of the room his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yep" the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I was just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, HUH?" Who are you? "Moses," the parrot replied. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"\n\nThe parrot promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name their Rotweiller dog Jesus..."\n\n A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man\nopposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.\nThis time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man\nseemed more amused.\nWhen on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to\nthe driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The\njudge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.\nThe man replied, Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got\non the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat under a\nsweets sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are Coming” and I grinned.\nThen she moved and sat under a sign that said, “ Logan’s Liniment will\nreduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under\na deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I\ncould hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honour, when she moved the fourth\ntime and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have\nprevented this Accident”...I just lost it.\n\n\n\n“ CASE DISMISSED!!”
729916
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS\n\n'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,\nMany creatures were surfing, most using a mouse.\nThe bookmarks were hung in the browsers with care,\nIn hopes that Web shoppers soon would be there.\n\nThe children with laptops all surfed in their beds,\nWhile visions of X-boxes danced in their heads.\nAnd mom in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,\nWere wondering what online resources to tap.\n\nWhen out on the Web, there arose such a clatter,\nI sprang to my desktop to see what was the matter.\nAway to the search engines I flew like a flash,\nDesperately wanting to part with some cash.\n\nThe .25 dot pitch of my screen made it so,\nTo give lustre to the objects in my browser window.\nWhen, what to my wondering eyes should appear,\nBut an animated gif with eight tiny reindeer.\n\nThis javascript applet, so lively and quick,\nI knew in a moment it must be from Slick.   :-)\nMore rapid than eagles these images they came,\nAnd they whistled, and shouted, and called me by name:\n\n"On, anxious surfer with shopping affliction,\nNow, great consumer, we'll feed your addiction!"\nTo the Internet gift store! To the Internet mall!\nNow click away! click away! click away all!\n\nAs anxiety mounts ere our wild dollars fly,\nTo slow-loading pages, we bid a quick good-bye,\nSo up to the page-top our cursors they flew,\nWith a file full of bookmarks, and 404 errors, too.\n\nAnd then, in a twinkling, I saw on my display,\nThe prancing and pawing of cookies, no way!\nWith mouse in hand, as I was surfing around,\nDown my ISP channel SaintNicholas.com came with a bound.\n\nThis site it was dressed with great things head-to-foot,\nAs fast-loading graphics on my screen they were put.\nLarge images and banners and counters it did lack.\nThis site sure stood out from the rest of the pack!\n\nIts headline, how it twinkled! Its sub-head how merry!\nMaking me want to read on in a hurry.\nIts company logo had a profile of low,\nAnd its background appeared as white as the snow.\n\nMy attention it held with tight copy to read,\nAs benefits flowed freely, straight at my need.\nMy interest it kept and caused no distraction,\nAs it spurred me onward, to take some fast action.\n\nAs I selected my gifts, as if from a shelf,\nI was ready to purchase, in spite of myself.\nA secure ordering server to which I was led,\nSoon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.\n\nIt spoke not a word, but went straight to its work,\nAnd completed my order with nary a quirk.\nAnd thus avoiding my past shopping woes,\nWith a click of my mouse, up the bandwidth I rose.\n\nI sprang back to cyberspace, my speakers did whistle.\nBut before the site disappeared like a missile,\nI heard it exclaim, ere it went out of sight,\n"Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good-Night!"\n\n\nSANTA CLAUS IS WEARIN’ A GOWN\n\nYou better come out, you better not cry,\nYou better not pout, I'm telling you why...\nSanta Claus is wearing a gown.\n\nHe's making the switch,\nHe's leaving his wife,\nHe's gonna come out,\nto start a new life...\n\nSanta Claus is wearing a gown.\n\nA secret he's been keeping,\nIt's made him awful tense.\nHe knows it will be better now,\nWhen he comes down off that fence.\n\nSo you better come out,\nYou better not cry,\nYou better not pout,\nI'm telling you why...\n\nSanta Claus is wearing a gown.
847345
awesome joke man....\nheres one 4 ya....\nbe an individual...just like everyone else
958120
Brilliant joke you are very funny!
970937
G'day Poopsy,\n\nThanks for posting.\n\nI've had a rotten day at work and welcomed a good laugh.\n\nAnyway, I might try some of those remarks at Christmas time. However, as we are in Australia, we will have prawns (shrimp) and oysters so I mightn't be able to get away with using some of them.\n\nMerry Xmas to you and all your friends and family.