My wife hasn't wanted sex in years.  Should I stay with her till my children are gone or get a divorce now?
926370
She doesn't give you any affection?? Does she even love you?? How can you be in a relationship with no affection?? I couldn't do it!! I don't know what those people that are telling you to wait until your kids are older are thinking. They must not be married! I tried to stay with my ex for my kids and it just caused more damage than if i had just left him in the first place! Staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children will not help them!! All they'll remember is that their parents never got along. Kids learn by example! Is that what you want them to think? That married people act like you and your wife? If you are really going to stay with your wife...you need to convince your wife there is a problem with your marriage...and then go to marriage counseling!!
458794
I think that if it were me... You would be the better choice... less numbers in the equation. your kids and hers wouldnt have to get along since you dont have any. the only thing i can think of is that she might not want to have anymore children and you do. Just talk to her and tell her you want to be a stable father and husband. IF your not to that point tell her what you feel about everything and i mean everything write down questions and answer them and talk to her about them to see how much you have in common.
438894
You don't need to know what's on her mind .You need to get out of this situation as fast as you can. She is married w/a kid and you are in a no-win deal. Her husband is going to have to deal with her and her issues and you don't really have a dog in this fight.The sex might be good,but this woman has more baggage than a cargo terminal.Recipe for disaster,my friend.
845638
Hi Lucy,\n\nOnly you can decide this but I would agree with your husband. Marrage is not about: "lets stay together for the sake of the children". This is definitely not the right way. This will be a loveless marrage and if anything it will project a distructive and demonstate an even very negative image to the children on what relationships are about. You are better off being with a lesbian partner and as long as there is love, and love for the children then that is what really matters. Their father will always be part of their lives and arrangements to do so will take place after divorce.\n\nI know you must have soo many questions along side because this is one big step and it is a serious life changing experience.  There will be questions that keep repeating itself, especially about your sexuality and if this is the right thing to do. Can I recommend you check my profile and see some of the answer's I've written regarding why people are born straight, gay, or bisexual. I think it will make you understand those feelings better and make think sound much clearer. Life is too short and in the long run your husband, your family, and your children will know you had to do what you had to do. Your happeness is as important as well.
216842
if your not happy, then go..i assume that she aint happy either? 14 years is along time together, but it can seem a lifetime and life is to short to be unhappy your whole life.... and maybe the kids are tired of all this also ? but for some reason the courts always seem to let the mother have the kids? i don't agree and i think its unfair to decent, loving fathers... my guess is if she is a decent mother all you will get is visitation rights, but at least you will be rid of her and you can go on with your life ! just please let your children know that its not them, and that you will always be there for them any time , OK; i know , been there and done that.....
1059196
She needs counseling alone to find out what is causing her behavior so she can work on getting better. In the childrens best interest, a marriage counselor would be a good thing to try before you make a descision on divorce. If you have any feelings of love at all left for her you should do whatever you can to make it right before you give up. If all else fails, you should file for a divorce. If she's not willing to change and your just miserable, That can be worse on children than if you were to stay together(this I know from experience). Two miserable parents make miserable children. So, in closing I suggest the whole family get counseling to repair the damage, If that is unsuccessful, you should divorce, but only if you can get Joint custody of your children. I dont know the laws where you are but I know where I am if the father pays child support he is automatically entitled to visitation rights. Visitation is better than nothing at all. It is possible that if she does have some sort of lying problem that you could prove her to be an unfit mother and obtain custody that way if you truly believe the children would be better off and happier with you. You have to do whats best for your children, always put their needs first, they didnt ask to be born into this situation after all. What she did was wrong to trick you into marrying her by getting pregnant. Your whole relationship has been based on deception. Counseling would be the best, but in all honesty It cant fix everything and sometimes people are just better off living seperate lives. I hope this helps you and good luck.
470924
Well if divorce is not an option, I can't help you.. Although a loveless marriage is no way to live, it would be better of separating and finding a new love, you can always visit or have your kids visit you...
950736
If you are early in your marriage and have no children, end it now. \n\nThere is no reason to make everyone miserable for a lifetime.\n\nIf you have children keep everything as calm and even as possible.  Make your plans ahead of time.  Be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN to get good representation for the sake of your child or children.  If it is just you, bite the bullet, get out and start over again.
1177199
go visit your mama without your wife, if your doesnt want to go then she can stay home, have the kids go and have your wife go visit her family, you wont make it peaceful between them two. all you can do is go see your mama and do it without her, i know it would be hard but you have to do it for the kids, if she doesnt want the kids to go over then theres problem. they have to see your mama. they have to visit your side of the family and if she doesnt like it then she is wrong.good luck.
461970
Well, if you're willing to leave her and can manage on your own, or have someone who can help you, you can file for divorce. Only you know if the pain is worth the wife and what she offers. However, I think she's wrong to do this, and if she ever blames you, because of your condition or something, she married you like this. she knew what she was going to be going through.
425550
You have to look back and see if there is anything you might have done to have grow away from you. Remember when you first met, start treating her the way you used to. Do not take her for granted, bring flowers take her out on a date. Get a sitter get away for a weekend. Romance her. SAVE your marriage. Chances are very high she has someone else except she is hiding it very well and you are so in love with her still that you don't see the signs. By giving you a date and not leaving now means she already has a fall back guy waiting and he is also going throughthe same thing with his wife. Except his wife might not even have a hint as you do. By giving you a date it is giving you a chance to win her over again. It is kind of like she still wants in and is not really sure about this other guy. The ball is in your court you play or you give up, it is up to you. You don't mention how old the kids are. They need their parents at any age. Is she taking them. If she is leaving make sure it is all legal. She might get knocked up by some guy and you will be stuck with that fact of life. If she is serious about coming back she is just looking for a fling and trying to see if this guy will keep her. Do not ask her anything just romance her if you still want her. Have her wonder why she wants to leave.
330471
GreenGrasshopper,\n\nWow! 8 years! Many people don’t last that long without any real problems. First, I salute you, it is in doing the tough things well that we discover that God is real. Congratulations for being so loyal and loving.\n\nSecond, do something about it. If your husband doesn’t desire sexual pleasure, then don’t try to make him perform or enjoy it if he isn’t interested. You – on the other hand – are interested and there are other ways for him to satisfy you sexually without intercourse.\n\nIt’s an old movie and quite possibly before your time, but in “Coming Home” a paraplegic with absolutely no ability to perform sexually made Jane Fonda very satisfied. I’m not condoning adultery as the movie did, but my point is that your husband’s problem need not necessarily be your problem. If he loves you, as you love him, then he must be willing to do something to satisfy you sexually. It is his duty to do it. It is not the ideal way to enjoy sex to see it as a duty – it takes the fun out of it – but it is each partner’s joy and duty in a marriage to satisfy their mate.\n\nI think personally it would be hard for me not to be able to have children. You don’t mention that so I assume that it’s not a problem for you.\n\nI am happy that you are a Christian. It makes your life much easier in one sense. Talk to God honestly, and ask Him to fix it. He loves you, and He does not want you or your husband to suffer with this. Your husband must be demoralized and discouraged by his inability, too. Insist on change, and don’t quit until you see the change that you desire.\n\nI really suggest that you and your husband pursue this matter together. Go to the doctor with your husband. Go to a marriage counselor with your husband. Keep going and keep doing whatever it takes until you succeed. You have been a loving wife for a long time, and the way I see it this is being a loving wife, too.\n\nDivorce is horrible, and it is not the only solution. Do not quit until your problem is solved no matter how many doctors or psychologists it takes or how long. Just make up your mind that you are going to change the situation, and it will change.\n\nAgain, I really admire you for making the right choice and staying in your marriage.\n\nGod bless.
629311
Wow - you both certaintly have your hands full. Congrats to both of you.\n  I am not sure if she has asked you for another child or not.  So I will go on the assumption that she has not asked you.  Try to plan for some time alone together (if you can) where you can bring up this topic.  (As I woman, I would appreciate that you put alot of thought into this). Explain to your wife that you feel that four children are sufficient for you and list some reasons why they suit both of you.  That is, for financial, health, and the time and attention that four children already need from the both of you. Tell your wife that you love her and your children, and that you also want to be able to be a couple again one day too.  When the children are grown.  \n   Best of luck to you and your family.
137877
If you are asking this question, chances are much better than not that you aren't in love with him anymore. While I don't think divorce helps kids in the least bit, sometimes staying married "for the kids" does more harm than a divorce would.\n\nYou have to decide for yourself and for your family which is truly in everyone concerned's best interest. Don't count yourself out. If you want to make a go at it, then get counseling, talk, do what you have to.\n\nIf it's time to go.. then it's time to go. Don't be afraid to fight for what is fair... just really look at what is important and try to keep the proceedings as amicable as possible.\n\nGood luck, it won't be easy but I am sure you can do it.
656106
It sounds like you didn't do anything wrong at all. Obviously the picture you give may differ slightly from hers, but it sounds as if you have been caring and respectful to her and that you have been patient. I don't agree with the previous answer that you hsould break up. You have invested a lot of time and love in your marriage and family and it would be sad to throw it away. If she genuinely just has no interest in being intimate it may be a purely medical problem, like a hormone imbalance that is causing it. (http://www.womentowomen.com/SYMlossofdesire.asp) If she could consider seeing a doctor about it, they might be able to help. If she is reluctant to do this, and it seems she might be, then it is a difficult situation. \nYou say she 'gives in to sex', that doesn't sound particularly pleasant for either of you. Perhaps, you could try just taking the pressure right off, try and spend time together, maybe get away just the two of you. Enjoy each others company, and go only as far as she is comfortable, holding hands, whatever that is. Take it super slow, and see how she reacts. \nI know it isn't the best answer, but I hope you work it out.
156076
There are a lot of reasons women lose interest in sex.  Depression is a big one.  How old is your child?  Could this be postpartum depression?  Some prescription drugs can cause loss of sexual appetite as well.  \n\nAre you showing her attention outside of the bedroom?  Women crave intimacy and many of us need to talk or just be listened to in order to feel like we are important to our spouse.  \n\nAre you making her feel like she is the number one priority in your life? Other than God, your wife should come before EVERYTHING ELSE in your life.  YES, this includes your job, friends, parents, kids, sports, TV & even your computer.  She must "FEEL" loved.\n\nAre you speaking her "Love Language"?  Gary Chaspman wrote a book called the "The Five Languages of Love".  Every married person should read this book.  It helps us understand how to express I love you to our spouse in a way that they will get the message on a regular basis.  There are five love languages that are discussed:\n  1.  Words of Affirmation - Praise her, tell her how great she looks,  tell her what a good job she is doing, ect.\n  2.  Quality Time - One on one paying attention to her needs, wants and desires.\n  3.  Receiving Gifts - Buy her stuff: flowers, jewlery, candles, lingerie, goodies, nic-naks, etc.\n  4.  Acts of Service - Do stuff for her:  Wash the dishes, cook dinner, rub her back, run her errands, take your kid to the park so she can take a nap, anything to lighten her load.\n  5.  Physical touch - NOT SEX!  Touch her in a way that is not going to lead to sex.  Let her know that you enjoy being close to her even if you may not get some right away.  This is kind of like banking.  You can't get money out of the ATM if you haven't made any deposits.  Make deposits in your wifes "love bank" and soon there will be enough to make a withdrawl.\n\nThe last thing that I thought of is maybe she doesn't feel sexy after having a baby if her shape is not as cute as it was or she is just plain tired and needs a rest.  Make sure you complement her in a sincere way so she feels like she is still pretty and desirable.  \n\nDo you have a relative who can babysit for you?  A weekend away just might do the trick.  Make it romantic and cater to her needs.  Light candles, use massage oils, sprinkle rose petals on the bed and make sure she knows that a romantic interlude is going to be ALL about her.  Her wants, desires, needs.  Don't worry, you'll still get yours in the end and she will be a much happier wife.\n\nHAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE!!!  Make her happy!
628881
I did stay married for many years for my kids, but if I had it to do over....NO WAY! The biggest relief for them came when we got divorced....no more fussing, arguing, etc. They were more relieved than we were. Good Luck!!