Problem: Married with two children and talking with ex from almost 9 years ago.S?
912603
If you are convinced there is mutual desire to get back together, discuss how you should do this with him. The two of you should avoid getting entangled in each other's divorces, though you can talk about it. In the meantime, there should be low-intensity contact between the two of you. Now that you boith have had experience in marriage, you wonna ask yourselves very honestly what is it that you would like from each other once you are both free. Be prepared to be as frank as possible so that you do not get hurt again, certainly not in the near future.
168450
Why there is so much anger around, why people cannot offer a level headed suggestion without getting reactionary?\n\nLady, take a step back. Relax, review the situation -thoroughly and honestly. What has gone missing from this relationship that is causing this? Obviously you are not the only one who is missing something after such a long time.\n\nYou never mentioned whether you were married, have children, have other common obligations.\n\nThis is all needed if you think this 20 years of relationship is worth slavaging, or you could go ahead like the rest of the advisors -sue him, get your money and house and custody and then remain miserable for the rest of your life. \n\nI am sure that the impact this relationship has had will leave scars unhealed for the rest of your life.\n\nDo not be hasty about it, just do what you think is right for the relationship and the dependants if there are any.
343393
Unfortunately I am going through a very similiar situation with my ex-wife.  We seperated a few years ago and she started by pulling a few shaningans like that off.  All I can suggest purely as one dad to another is to maintain the best contact that you can and when you do contact your children let them know you love them and always want to see them. \n\nMake it clear that if they were expecting you, that their mother must have made a mistake because you had not planned on being there that day, not because you do not love them but because you have work or necessary things to do.\n\nLegally stopping someone from slandering you with your children I dont believe is possible.  It is truly more of a question of guilt tripping your ex and explaining to her though her intentions are against you, they are more then likely more likely to harm the children.  Children with seperated parents that do not get along are more then likely to be involved in crime, or have poor grades in school as well as a plethora of other things.\n\nMost of all, I feel for you completely.  Maybe if it is possible file for custody?  If you can somehow accuse your ex while on the phone and record some admittance of slander the courts will surely find in your favor?\n\nFinal thought.  Do what is best for your kids forget about getting back at your ex or doing what she wants you to do (which is probably run away and never see the kids again).  Your kids need you in many ways, and writing to them constantly and contacting them VIA phone and visiting as often as possible are the best things.  Be so much a part of their lives she cannot lie to them.
1085487
That all depends on your actions after the divorce and whether or not you're mature enough to continue to remain friends with your ex and strive to keep continuity in the lives of your children. \nI've been divorced from my sons' mother since 1989, they have both lived with me since then and to this day their mother visits here regularly and they see her constantly. She and I have remained friends despite our differences and as time as passed the wound of a failed marriage have healed and our children have grown with the feeling of a mutual love from both parents.
722838
I dont think you should be talking to your EX at all. And the fact that you are sneaking around makes me think you want something from her. There is a reason she is your EX. YOu should quit contacting her. And when your wife finds out I hope she kicks your scandalous a$$!
573235
I suspect that the two of you were not telling the same story, although you think you are. But this is immaterial. Why listen to advice from other people? If you have both decided that divorce is the best way forward, then this is what you should do. Forget other people's opinions. These just muddy the water. Just be thankful that the two of you have made this decision and can still be friendly towards each other.
1064029
If you know the court where the proceedings were held call the clerk of the court.  You do need to check.  My now-ex was not divorced before he married his second wife.  It was a mess.  If he loves you he will help or show you the signed AND court stamped papers.
920077
use a common friend to get to your ex-wife. i think it's very noble of you to try to work things out among yourselves. if your ex-wife still refuse to accept the fact that you're actually doing her a favor by resorting to peacefull means, then you have no choice but to do whatever would be necessary for the sake of your child. you need not feel guilty then if the court decides in your favor because you have tried your best to warn her.
897928
DAY at a TIME. If you still love him then try reverse psychology. Be nice to him, agree with what he says, and he will not know what to do or say. Be mature and tell him, ....OH, I am so tired of us not getting along...it is so old. Interfere in your life? He is still part of your life because of the kids, and he will always be a part. Try it, what could it hurt? I went through the same things, my kids would say....she wants us to call her mom... Then I said ...how lucky...you have two moms. ... And honey, if something were to happen to me, then she would take care of you. IT works !!  I used psychology to get control of any situation..  Oh  and if you want to get him back , just tell him.. I had a dream of us, when we first met, do you remember or say positive things, like...the kids did something today and it reminded me of you, they sure are just like their father. If you are still married, there is still hope if that is what you really want. Good Luck !
944349
I'm not sure I would be willing to risk losing my children in the event that he decided to keep them.  And Ireland is way too far away for me to send my kids.  \n\nMaybe you should tell your ex that it's in the kids best interest for him to remain close for the next 9 years.
111628
You say you are "unhappy", what does that mean?  If there were no kids involved i'd say move on, but children are precious and deserve all you and your wife can do to resolve this.  But making your kids the reason for staying is weak, nobody wins.  Communication is the key, there had to have been a time when your wife was the best woman that happened to you right?  She still is and it's worth finding out together what changed.  And even if you still come to the same conclusion you can honestly say you tried, do THAT for the children.
755041
=you did not say if children were involved.  I assume NOT.  How can you possibly say that you are satisfied with your wife?  Shame on you.  Either work it out with your lovely wife or get a divorce and set her free.  If this is for real you both need to move on.  God bless both of you.
1011899
He had a baby with another girl while he was still with you? Why are you fretting over this guy - you should be glad to be rid of this jerk! I still have to deal with my ex-husband because we have a 10 yr. old together, and we each have 50% custody. But I look at it this way - my ex (a big jerk) has re-married. Now his new wife is stuck with him (and I'm not!). I am re-married to a wonderful man - I definitely got the better deal here! And like someone said earlier - living well is the best revenge. Be glad that he is gone and that she is stuck with him - someone better will come along.
651515
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
806251
Obviously there were some serious problems in your marriage.  Seeing as how she's now your ex-wife, you're asking this question a little late, and asking if of the wrong people.  You should've asked her.  If you have a good relationship with her, you might try to get it out of her one day, maybe she'll tell you what happened with her in your relationship.  If I were to bet on it, I'd bet you took her for granted, you stopped courting her.  She felt like you didn't care about her anymore, so she went out and found someone who does.  I'm not condoning her actions, because I firmly believe that marriage is a lifelong committment, and you fix the problems in the marriage, and divorce really isn't an option.  But obviously you weren't giving her what she needed in your relationship.  Sorry......You probably need to just move on with your life.
328979
For your sake and that of your children, move on. He obviously likes having the two relationships and that is not likely to change. The sooner you leave the sooner you and your children will heal. With all the lies this man has spun its amazing either of you are still with him. He has proven he has no intention of leaving. Don't waste more time on a relationship with no future. Find yourself a respectable man and live a happier life.
13166
I am divorced two years now and get along with my ex for the the sake of my child. We both have put aside our differences and work together to assure our child is given the best environment possible. We talk about any decision that will affect our child and work it out. We are both good people, just not compatible together......we do it for the love our child. You have to!