My ex is a sociopath and is constantly trying to take my kids just to win and to not have to pay child support
920281
I am so sorry that you and your children have to deal with this man. I was married to a sociopath/narcissist man for 15 years. I thought I was going crazy. I've heard that the way to handle custody issues with a sociopath is to not let them know that they are upsetting you, they get some kind of thrill from hurting people who are wise to them. You've become a threat. Remember, to them, they are never wrong. They will never admit defeat. Know in your heart that a sociopath won't want to be tied down with the responsibilities of raising children. Their need for thrills is too strong and he will sabotage himself because they never learn from their mistakes. Try not to show how much he upsets you. There are a lot of resouses out there who can help you. Call the local mental health facility because you'll likely need support. I know that I've benefited from information about how they think; I have a hard time understanding it though. I've learned that I just have to accept the way they are and to keep my distance. They are their own worse enemy. A counselor would likely be helpful for you and your children. I wish you all they luck and lots of prayers. Be thankful that you saw who you were dealing with when you did!
976514
your kids will see in time what an idiot their father is being. dont curse him infront of the kids, rant to a friend, dont give your ex the attention he's craving by bringing up this matter, ignore it and be strong for your children. your new partner will have his own feelings about this matter, if he wishes to talk about it then get it out in the open, but avoid talking about this with the kids.
155931
This sounds like a terrible story, but is there a question in it somewhere?\n\nEDIT: Okay, let's try to figure out what the question is.  Are you trying to figure out how you can get your daughter back from your ex-husband?  If that's it, you really ought to talk to a lawyer...maybe you can find a decent one through the Bar Association that will do some pro bono work.  If you just aren't interested in working with lawyers, and you really want to involve this group in something as personal as this, you're going to have to post more details...and more *relevant* details (stick to the facts, ma'am).\n\nIf you want better answers, ask better questions and include more of the important details.  Things people might want to know are these:\n\nAre there any court orders right now?\n\nWhat state do you live in?\n\nWhy did your ex take your child, or at least why do you think he did or what did he tell you?\n\nHave there been any allegations of improper parenting on either side?  Any mental health issues on either side?  Drug use?  \n\nIf I'm guessing correctly at what you want to know, I just don't think you're going to be able to get the answers you need in this forum.
857925
If he ever threatens you with bodily harm or anything, file for a restraining order or protective order.  Given his criminal history, it may be possible for him to only be allowed court supervised visitation of the child.  You were right to demand that he only see the child during the court oredered visitation.  Do not feel one bit guilty about that.  As for the money, if the child is old enough to listen to what he says, the child is old enough to listen to what you say as well.  Tell the child that the money is what he is required to pay for supporting his child and it is not stolen, but is his responsibility to pay so you can feed the child.  That is honest.  Don't bad-mouth the father to the child.  Just state the facts without emotion.  Kids are pretty smart and can put it together. :o)\n\nDo be careful.  You might consider making sure you have good locks on your home and keep it locked all the time to protect yourself.  The law is on your side, so stick to it.  Don't play his game.  I told my ex that I wasn't his wife anymore and didn't have to fight with him, but that he could contact my attorney and/or the state child support office.  They get paid to deal with him so I don't have to.  You don't have to fight with your ex either.\n\nIf he ever threatens you bodily in any way.... take legal action immediately.  Do not hesitate to call the police and file a protective order.  We all have heard the horror stories of what twisted men do to women they supposedly "loved" at some point.  Be careful and use wisdom.\n\nBest Wishes,\n\nSue
105321
Contact your local District Attorney's office or Family Support office if your state has one.\n\nIf they can't help you, I'm sure they can refer you to someone who can. \n\nBest of luck!
471674
Don't try to use the kids against her. That's probably what she does, but if you do the same, it will only make things worse. On the other hand, you might have to fight dirty. Don't be dishonest, and don't ever show your anger, but the courts don't reward chivalrous conduct. If you have money, then hire a lawyer with a successfully pro-father track record. If you don't have money...well, I don't know what to tell you then. I hope I never have to face what you are going through.
989355
Your child is still a child until age 18, and until then your ex can file contempt charges against YOU if your children do not go to him on his legal visitation dates.\n\nYou really ought to encourage them to go.  You'll be the one in legal trouble if they don't go.
724711
Your ex sounds like he is the core of what your daughter is experiencing with regard to her problems. A girl of this age needs her mothers involvement as well as her fathers. \n\nYou 2 need to agree to disagree without it harming the childs emotional state of well being. \n\nAnother thing; Nothing would put me in another state if my child was living in another. You need to be living within a closer proximity of your daughter. \n\nForget about the ex and concentrate on your daughter. I also have to wonder why you don't have custody of her? \n\nToo many issues here and with all due respect, your only issue should be the welfare of your daughter. Period. I would not compromise myself with demands set forth by my ex where my children are concerned. GO there, stay with his mother if she wishes; but for one reason, to be there with and for your daughter.
947590
Sadly -- you will not just have to prove (with all of the papers entered into evidence) that your ex is an abuser, but ...\n\nAlso have to endure an UGLY Custody battle as well.\n\nThis is more a Battle to make you miserable than any desire to have custody or visitation with the children -- and the longer he can drag it out and make you pay -- the more he is happy about the situation -- MORE control and Manipulation on top of the abuse you already have SURVIVED.\n\nUNFORTUNATELY -- the violent, abusive ex (and soon-to-be ex) has MORE rights in any proceeding than any of his Victims/Survivors.
910684
I'm sorry this is happening to you and your children. Dead beat dads really make me mad. \n\nLegally...you are well within your rights to go back to family court and file a custody modification. You can pick up the petition at the family court of the country where you and the children reside. Take the petition to your lawyer or complete it yourself (they're pretty self explanitory).\n\nYou can then modify the custody to either suspend his visitation completely, or you can make some provisions that if he doesn't pick them up within one half hour of the scheduled visit is canceled (so he can't just randomly show up). \n\nSite the reason that it is emotionally damaging to your children to have inconsistent visitation. For the next few visits make sure you have a credible witness in your home or at the drop off site. That way, he can't come back in court and say you are refusing him visitation.\n\nIf you don't care about child support or if you aren't recieving any, you can petition the court to eliminate his parental rights. This is easier to do if he is not only not visiting, but if you also have a husband or boyfriend who is willing to adopt your child. The court does not like to bastardize a child (their words, not mine).\n\nJust a warning, usually just the threat of court action causes most men to start seeking visitation again. So, only take action if you aren't worried about that. And the child support increase that another poster was talking about is not true in all states, so talk to a lawyer if you can. If you can't afford one, speak to your local Legal Aid Society or request a court appointed attorney (they do have those in FC).\n\nAnd on a personal note....kids are pretty perceptive. If you see yours being effected by all of this, consider family or individual counseling. There are free counselors available to your and your child.\n\nBest of luck!
1087316
Been there. You didn't say how the ex feels about you. Why does she deny him seeing his child? Because I do not know if my answer will help if you don't have the same life I had. The ex hated me and didn't mind telling everyone she knew. She thought I was the root of their separation. I didn't even know my now husband at the time they 1st broke up. I had been going with him for about 5 months when I found out that he wasn't DIVORCED! So for that reason she used us being together as what was wrong with their relationship. She told everyone that Mike drank all the time and that she didn't trust him being alone with his son. When really it was a way to punch him for leaving her. The reason for not getting a divorce right away, he didn't want them to cancell their medical insurance. Dumb then...we played her game for many months. Then I started checking things out. He could get the divorce, keep insurance on his kid, pay child support (a must) and the court would let him have his son every other weekend. If she didn't produce the child..She could go to jail. So Check it out where you leave. Your man may want to make the divorce legal...Now to the other part of your question..Why does she have to be there..Just to piss you off more than likely. She will dress up and look great. As if to say..see what you are missing. Have him get a divorce..then the ball is back in your court. Only never be late on one child support payment..or you guess it..she would have him in jail..Again just to piss you off. Don't let her get you down. But, make him make a choice and get a divorce..or get the hell out now why you can.
208241
well i really dont think he deserves you are his children the only reason he wants you is because she dumped him.dont be his second choice you should have been his only choice if he did it once there is a chance he will do it again and hurt you and the children again you deserve better.YOU STILL LOVE HIM BUT LOVE YOUR SELF AND THE KIDS MORE NOT TO TAKE HIM BACK
104806
Sounds like the only one creating issues here is the ex. She is trying to control your life, if you let her do that now it only unleashes her to have control dangling your son as the means to keep you doing what she wants. That relationship is over. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY CONTROL. She cannot keep your son from you. Hire an attorney and through the courts establish a visitation schedule. If she goes against it she will be in contempt of court and could possibly face jail time. As for your current girl, be completely honest with her about whats going on, be prepared for angry outburst. She loves you and will be angry about the threat that the ex has made. Communicate and come up with a game plan, the attorney, court, visistation etc. If you cannot afford an atty. contact the legal aide services in your area, they will provide you with one sometimes for free but most likely a fee in accordance to your income. Unless the child is endangered under the care of his mother, you should not take custody away from her. A child needs both parents and this traumatic event may scar him for life. Instead keep your cool, no matter what, let the ex be the dramtic physcho, do things according to the law. Pay your child support and follow any guidance the judge imposes and it will serve you well. Again it is important to maintain a calm composure, air out your frustrations with friends. When you have your son for a visitation, keep it positive, loving, and within a secure comfortable surrounding. The important thing here is that you are happy and being a positive role model for your son. So if this girl you want to marry makes you happy, go for it. Do not let the ex know your intentions it is none of her business. When you apply for a joint custody hearing she'll find out through the papers she recieves. I would have as little contact or communication with the ex as possible. You can also set up to have a chaperoned drop off sight when you pick up and drop off your son. If teh ex wants to act this way let her suffer the consequence for behaving like an immature person. For future reference, check the legal age at which your son is allowed to declare which parent he wants to reside with, in my state it is 12 yrs old. If you handle this right your son may feel more comfortable with you than with his mother and when he is of age you can ask him if he'd like to talk to the judge about living with you. One more important word of advise, NEVER badtalk his mother to him. Regardless of how you feel, that is his mother. A child will become confused and be mentally and emotionally damaged when the parents bad mouth each other. If the ex bad mouths you, there is nothing you can do for it, but again be the bigger person. Your son will learn from the experience and determine his own opinion of each of you by the relationship he has with you both. Be strong, you've certainly a rocky road ahead of you, but it will be worth it in the end if you do things this way. Good luck to you.
505191
I have been in almost the same situation. my bf got his ex gf pregnant while we were on a short break. I went back to him and now the child is almost 3. The ex is CRAZY, wont leave us alone. We have to pay 127 a WEEK in child support, which we cant afford and havent been able to pay the whole 127 a week so my now husband will be going to jail fairly soon. To make matters worse the ex had another son 6 months ago, 10 days before my daughter was born. and is now claiming it is my husbands. SO all I can say IS LEAVE HIM. It will never end. You will be alot more happier without him. ' YOU DONT WANT DRAMA WITH HIS BABIES MAMA'.
621062
Heres the thing man, I went through it to. There is nothing you can do; in respects to what she does with the money.  She does not have to provide and accounting to anyone of how she spends her child support check.  All she has to do is provide a home evironment for the child/children, you know feed and cloth them, get them to school ext.  If she is neglecting the children and you can prove it then call CPS or hire and attorney to take her back to court and win custody.   But before you do that, put yourself in the judges or a third parties shoes, how do you think others are going to see you case when you present what you have.  Most often emotions come in to play.  Good Luck
614673
I am so sorry for you! I am not experiencing the same, but my daughter has to have visitations with her father. He has threatened to kidnap her, so I'm always worrying about it. Also my child is 4 and has told me that her father touches and hurts her peepee. I've contacted several different agencies, lawyers, docs etc. Nothing is being done! I feel the frustration that you are going thru!The judge actually granted extra time on visits and went to unsupervised visits b/c evidence was inconclusive.I was told that if my ex was to run off with my daughter there was really nothing that I could do, even though I also have full custody. Why? Because he is the child's rightful parent too, and is allowed visitation. HUH??? I swear that is what they told me. But yet if I refuse to give my daughter over to him for his visits I will be arrested for kidnapping! ?????What a world we live in! Give me an email sometime. I'd like to stay in touch with you even if it's just to offer support. I hate to mention it but have you tried all the hosp. in the area that you last knew them to be? How about tracking them down via Yahoo White pages? Do you know of any family or friends that she might take your daughter to. Maybe you could contact them or go see them face-to-face. I don't know your financial sit. but hiring a private investigator might help. Have you posted their pics at police stations? They can fax it to others nationwide. Offer a reward. And above all else don't give up until you know for sure. And PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!I will pray for you right now! God be with you! The answer about checking with schools is great. When you move to a new school the old school has to contacted and then they send info and should keep this on record. Maybe if she was in a Headstart program or a preschool program like pre-K you might be able to get some info thru them. As her biological father, you have the right to request that info and they cannot deny you it.Amy
57356
You have to realize that you and your child are not important to him and that he is an extraordinarily selfish person.  You must let him go.  No excuses.  No exceptions.  Be the victim or be the victor.  The choice is entirely yours.