How do you leave a sexual and emotionally abusive marriage?
923051
Pack up and run away.  Put 1500 miles distance between you and your soon to be ex.  It's better that way.
800569
There's some good articles on how to leave an abuser in lovefraud.com\n\nMy husband is a stalker too but I've gotten numb to his ridiculous accusations and constant threats. He took every dime of my retirement account and left me destitute in hopes I'd be too dependant on him to leave. I left 2 months ago to stay with family. \n\nKnow this- you are a target, not a victim. Abusers use your compassion, humanity, and commitment to the relationship AGAINST you! They are not human. They have no empathy. They are empty and hollow INSECURE people. They need to control you, own you, in the worst way.\n\nNever look back.
386686
well if you want out of the marriage then tell or if you want drama then tell other wise you don't tell ever  I made a similar mistake the relationship ended and the sex was just one time and the guilt ate at me and ate at me until i thought i was gonna go insane. and i told on my self like a little kid ya know  my husband didn't have any idea could have gotten away with it sorta if i hadn't told.  I crushed him naturally.  If i could do it over i would  but if i couldn't take back the sleeping around then i would defiantly take back telling on my self.  as long as you end it and work on your marriage  i would never ever tell.  it won't make you feel better trust me.  and if you wanna keep him and work on your relationship telling him will NOT help that trust me.  me and my husband is still together but of course he don't trust me  which is understandable.  Its really no life kinda because he may have forgave in a way but he won't forget which i don't blame him but i can't look up  he my as well left me   so if i were you i wouldn't ever tell  its not worth it and it won't make you feel better
1047234
You need a professional marriage counselor!!  You are dealing with mental abuse.  Jokes won't do it.  Neither will anything you can find out here.
718919
Do not feel ignorant. Abuse comes in many forms, and unless your husband gets help FAST, things will escalate. He has control issues, and feels very insecure about everything. Most abusers are insecure, and feel that violence is the only way to keep the things they love from leaving. But in actuality all it does is FORCE the things they love further away from them. I strongly suggest getting help, and if he refuses...you need to leave before things get worse. Without help, eventually your relationship with him will crumble to the point of nonexistance. There is no excuse for being violent with someone, and stress happens to everyone. Not everyone gets ready to beat the crap out of their wife/ mate however when the situation gets hairy. Once again, get him some help before its too late, or leave and work on you. Huge hugs, and best of luck.
334122
Actually, you could start by leaving a married man to his wife and family.  Do you not have any morals?  Obviously, if he hasn't divorced his wife yet, he isn't going to for you.  You are a mere flousy trying to impersonate a lady and that doesn't fly with most women these days.  And, it really is a turn off for most men.  \n\nTo actually think you could get help with such a callous and disrespectful dilemma...I hope his wife finds out, divorces him and takes everything from him.  And don't think he will be standing on your doorstep because dear, you will be the reason he walks away from you!!!\n\nHave some respect for yourself and find yourself a single man whose life you don't have to destroy let alone his family too.
1040285
sure - just step away from it  - mentally get yourself involved with other things and then try and get a different perspective on it .\nIf there is physical abuse then (if your able, get out fast) but if it's emotional even cheating - go for outside help
788470
Tippy, the only way you are going to be able to deal with this is to forget it.  When you start remembering, stop.  Imagine something brings a smile to your face.  It's not wrong to stay with a man that you love, even if he's cheated.  But honey, it's your mental health that is taking the punishment.  You are going to have to forgive and forget to make it.  It's not easy and it's not going to happen over night.  I am sorry, your heart breaking is got to stop before it completly breaks.  \n\nDoes your husband help you?  What I mean has he ask for forgiveness?  Does he show you emotional support?  Honey, you need for him to help you with this.  Believe it or not, you need him to help heal from this wound.  He needs to be more loving, and shows that he cares that he hurt you.  If he's just blowing it off, like it happen-get over it-then you may never be able to fully forgive him and stop the tears.  He's the kleenex, he's the one that needs to wipe them away with his love.  \n\nHoney, you must remove the images, clean out all the thoughts of them together.  You are grieving in a sense, you have been betrayed, and it's like part of you has died.  It hurts, and it's so hard, but it can be done.  If you want to save your marriage, you are going to have too!  Your husband may have be so wrong, but now it's your turn to make sure you don't make it worse.  If you feel the tears coming on-focus on something else. Anything, but that.  When you start, or catch yourself thinking remember this...it's in the past and today's a new day, each day it will get less and less.  Your husband has got to do his part sweetie.  You can't make a marriage by yourself,  No matter how much you love him, unless you are going to be a silent wife, and just let him do what he wants when he wants.  You deserve so much more than that.  You deserve to be loved and respected, it's your choice your decision rather to forgive, and if this is what you want to do, you must not dwell on it any longer.  Kick yourself in the butt, if you have too.  I am so very sorry, no one should have their heart broken like this, but you aren't alone, and many marriages have become stronger from living thru what you are going through right now.  So, please dry those tears, take a deep breath, and remember it's all your choice how you deal with it.\nPraying that your heart mends, and the memories are forgotten, and that you have the strength to know you are worth true love and respect from the one you GAVE your heart to.  \n\nGod bless us all............
344204
you have to love your self and have a piece of mind. verbal and or physical abuse is not good at all. Many people can tell you to leave but I feel that it is up to you when your really, really tired, you'll go with no hesitation. If not, you will suffer the consequences.
449229
There is only one way to do that.. CLEAN! You need a completely clean break, no contact of any kind. If you are truly in love, but are going to end it (which, BTW, is the right thing to do if it is an extramarital affair), then you need to cease all communication and just try to move on.
715068
DO NOT MARRY this man. I hope you have confidence and the boldness to get up and leave now.\n\nYou should try getting some counselling from a Pastor at a Christian church. They are very helpful and free of charge.\n\nI Pray the best for you & your children.\n\nGod Bless!
271530
Abuse is not about physical violence.  Control is the factor. There are many diffrent kinds of domestic abuse: physical (hitting, pushing, kicking,throwing things). Emotional abuse (having to know where you are at all times, ignoring you, killing or harming pets, keeping you away from friends and family, this is one of the areas that the porn falls into, etc.) Verbal abuse (calling you names, makings snide comments to you or to others about you, etc.) Financial (won't let you have a job, never lets you have any money, keeps you in the dark about finances, etc.) Sexual (rape, it does happen in marriage, forcing you or convincing you to have sex when you don't want to, forcing sex when you are asleep or drunk, making you look at porn, etc.) Heck, abuse can also be spiritual (he makes you go to church or makes you belong to a church that you don't want to, he won't let you pray, tells you "you are going to hell, if...".\nPlease look at your life. Are you happy? As Dr. Phil says, "I'd rather live on the street in a carboard box and be happy than spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me miserable".\nThe decision to stay with an abusive partner is your decision to make, but keep in mind that your child is seeing this behavior and he is going to think that it is allright, and be the same way when he grows up.\nYou cannot make your husband change.  The only person you can change is you and as I said before the decision is yours. \nIf you need help finding resources in your area e-mail me. c_in_the_hills@yahoo.com.\nYou are under his thumb, and the weight is probably going to crush you some day.
716051
Be strong and get out right away--but make sure you can do it safely and that he can't follow you.  Best to lose yourself in another place and, if he's really crazy, change your name as well.  Install security wherever you go and always, always leave at the first sign of abuse.  It is NOT you and you DO deserve better; keep telling yourself both of those things rather than "it will get better" or "I really love him" or "he's trying"--those are all self-deluding signs that land women in hospitals & morgues.  It will tkae time to get adjusted; you may need to get a guard dog/gun license (and practice on a range so you get really good!).  Just remember, any man who derives his power and sense of self-worth through abuse (esp. of people he supposedly loves) is sick and will hurt you and others again.  At least you've recognized the abuse and considered leaving before it's too late; some women can't bring themselves to leave.  Their lives are short, miserable ones filled with terror, even if to the "outside world" they seem fine.  Don't become a statistic!  There is always a way; there are free legal advice/churches/clinics that are willing to help.  It won't be easy, but it is best in the long run.  For one thing, it ensures there will BE a "long run"!
370780
He may not be slapping or punching you, but forcefully grabbing you is physical abuse. If he is verbally, emotionally and mentally, sexually you need to examine whether or not you want to stay married to him. It doesn't sound like he respects you or your wishes. If he did he wouldn't be forcing kisses and hugs on you when you need some space to sort out your feelings. Only you can know when you've had enough and are ready to leave. What you are describing is abuse. You may not want to see that, but I heard your story from hundreds of other women in the 11 years I worked for a domestic violence program. I'm sorry if it upsets you to hear it, but I hate to see any woman treated this way.
176264
If there is some type of abuse, get away.  Your safety should be your #1 priority.  If this is the problem, and your spouse seeks help for his problem, then I would say that you should not consider ending the marriage.  Seek counseling and hopefully your spouse will seek counseling.  However if your spouse doesn't make any changes, then cut them loose ASAP.  \n\nNow if you been hurt over something else, talk to your spouse and seek counseling together.  If they are not willing, get it for yourself.  Work on making yourself happy and understand it is O.K. to have strong feelings for you spouse.  But it may be the time for you to have strong feelings for yourself.  That is what counseling can help you with.\n\nWhatever you do, take care of yourself.  It is the most important thing you can do.  But don't rush to end a marriage just because things just don't look right.  It takes to and if your spouse is willing to make changes, be willing to look deeper into your problems.  It can work out.\n\nGood luck and I'll pray for you\n\nWT
397885
If you love him enough to put up with physical violence then you are the one who needs help. You shouldn't leave your spouse because they become mentally ill, but you should the day he started slapping you. Also, if he doesn't want to take an active part in his treatment and recovery(ie taking his medicine on his own) then you should definitely leave him because he doesn't love you enough to want to stop hurting you. I am mentally ill and I am all for helping and understanding people with these illnesses, but violence is not accaptable.
1144292
PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nTHE SIGNS OF AN ABUSER ARE DEFINATELY WHAT YOU DESCRIBED!!!!!!!!\n\nIT CAN ONLY GET WORSE!!!!!\nHE CAN GET HELP BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD STAY WITH HIM.\nYOU TWO NEED A TIME APART WHILE HE GETS HELP THOUGH.\n\nI DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANY PARTICULAR PROGRAMS BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN FIND SOME ON THE INTERNET OR IF YOU ASK AROUND.\n\n\n\nBUT GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!