Know any better scouser jokes?
929480
Scouser arrives at the pearly gates, St Peter says "I"m sorry mate, no scoucers allowed"\n\nScoucer says "Come on mate, I was in church last Sunday and put £50.00 into the collection box"\n\nSt Peter says he will go and speak to God.\n\nHe comes back 5 minutes later.\n\nScoucer says "Well, can I come in? what did God say?"\n\nST Peter says "I spoke with God and he says Heres your £50.oo back,  now F"ck Off"
862721
Here are some funny ones that actually could be somewhat inspiration depending on how you see them...\n\n"the first 90 minutes are the most important." -Bobby Robson\n\n"Sometimes in football you have to score goals" -Thierry Henry\n\n"A game is not won until it is lost." -David Pleat...It kind of makes sense, but then again, it kind of doesn't...
1186734
http://www.bluedonut.com/100jokes.htm
903540
"Local Hero" by Dire Straits.  It seems really fitting and sets one up for a big match at St James'.  I only hope that it would work on the players so they could win some more.  Good result today at the Emirates Stadium though.
1105036
A Scouser wants a job ! There is a God !
124764
ooh! I almost missed this one =)\n\nOnce upon a time in Disneyland there was a Victoria's Secret model named Oscar Wilde. All night and all day her third cousin twice removed forced her to scrub the toilet. Then one day, she received a visit from the little old lady who lived it a shoe. The old lady says, "Hi! I am Papa Smurf and I am here to pump... you up. \nLost in an unbearable lightness of being, Oscar says to P. Smurf "how many licks *does* it take?", to which Papa replies, "They are the eggmen. I am the walrus. Goo goo g' joob!" \n\nSo then Oscar and Papa find a field of magic mushrooms and live happily ever after...or did they?
1067467
Go West by the Pet Shop Boys, I should know, Im a Gooner!
495857
A Wigan fan, A Portsmouth fan, and a Notts Forest fan are all speaking to God. \n\nWigan Fan:  God, When will my team be champions of Europe.\n\nGod:  Not in your life time my child. \n\nPortsmouth Fan:   God, When will my team be champions of Europe.\n\nGod:  Not in your life time my child. \n\nNotts Forest Fan: God, When will my team be champions of Europe.\n\nGod:  Not in MY life time my child.
1122401
Well dressed man with a scouse accent is music to my ears but a scouse dressed tacky no way Stephen Gerrard is a prime example of a nice scouser, but i dont get you question fully.
759941
A white bloke had a Jamacian work mate, \nOne day he asked him "Is it true you Black guys are better in bed than us whites, and if so can you give me any tips?"\nThe Jamacian replies \n"Yeah , you whites are too eager to get it over and done with, take your time, two long slow stokes follwed by two short quick stokes followed by two long slow stokes and so on. \nThat makes em scream every time"So that night the white bloke starts making love to his wife,two long stokes, two short stokes two long strokes ect ect..\n Eventually he asks his wife\n "do you notice anything different dear"
828505
am a fella scouser - lad av bin lookn al nite ere 4 scouse birds but its not appinin! r wel wot can we do ay? i knw! we'll elctronally spike them. yesss.
1178701
yep i can ! a a fat cheat with a cocaine belly!. Maradonna. and any Scottish forward of the last ten years!. if you thought crouch was poor then you obviously need glasses mate. he worked like a horse on that pitch in temperatures that are not appreciated in football. trust me i know.
630156
Although I'm no Liverpool fan (urgh) I'd say a Steven Gerrard clone would do you good. Actually about 4 of them
459430
*Two men walked into a bar and the other man ducked.\n\n*A duck walked into a pet store and asked the guy behind the counter "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it. And the next time I see you in here, I'm gonna nail your beak to the floor."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any nails?"\n"No," the guy said.\n"Good," said the duck, "you got any duck food?"\n\n*One day, a man died and went up to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter asked him "Did you do any good deeds in your life?"\n"Well," said the guy, "I rescued an old lady from a gang of robbers."\n"Hey, that's great!" St. Peter said, "when did you do that?"\n"Oh, about five minutes ago."\n\n*One day, three men were in a cave and they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it, and a genie came out and gave each of them one wish.\n"That's easy," the first guy said, "I'd like to be ten times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly ten times smarter.\n"That's nothin'" the second guy said, "I'd like to be a HUNDRED times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly a hundred times smarter.\n"Nah, I got all you guys beat," the third guy said, "I'd like to be a THOUSAND times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He turned into a woman.\n\nAnd the inevitable dumb blonde joke (NOTE TO ALL BLONDES: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND. I AM MERELY REPEATING A JOKE I HEARD ONCE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE):\n\n*One day, a dumb blonde decided she was sick of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair brown and go for a long drive. She drove out to the countryside, where there were farms; one of these had sheep. She thought to herself "oh, how cute! I want a sheep!" So she went to the farmer and explained her request. \nThe farmer thought for a minute, then said "well, girly, tell you what. I'll let you have one of my sheep if you can guess how old I am."\nThe blonde thought about it for awhile, then finally said "66!"\n"By god, you're right!" The farmer said, astounded. He didn't really expect her to guess it, but since she did, he allowed her to pick out a sheep. So she picked one out and drove off, the sheep in the back. Suddenly, she saw the farmer behind her, chasing her car and waving frantically. She slowed down, and the farmer caught up to her and tapped on the window.\nShe rolled it down, and the farmer said "If I can guess what color your hair really is, then can I have my dog back?"
180673
101? I ONLY HAVE MY BEST 3 JOKES...HOPE IT DOESN'T OFFEND U\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
849770
Giggle (small one). I've heard it before but we need more clean jokes like that :)
748226
thanks again for the chuckle, keep em coming!\n=kizzy=