My wife's having a deep cyber romance(s) which is affecting me negatively.?
349569
You mean, romance that does not involve you?\nOf course, this will after you negatively! No surprise here. I am in a similar situation: husband possessed by this other girl.\nYou need to understand why this comes into your relationship and why. Obvioulsy, some stuff needed sorting between you and your wife. \nNow is the time or now is too late\nGood luck
896596
what your wife has is a sickness...she will hunt day and night to prove to herself that you are being unfatihful...is there some cheating history?  even if not, she is convinced that if she stays diligent (by spying and checking on you) that is her only control of a situation....(o keep you from cheating).  You need to be understanding, but she does need help.  You need to do everything in yiour power to make her feel safe and secure...otherwise, this will go on to destroy her and your marriage.
27478
As you said, "love is all knowing, seeing, and feeling." I think you know the answer just from your mention of this phrase. \n\nOk, I did as you said and assumed your motives were sincere, pure and heartfelt. But I can't help but wonder about hers. Red flags are going up all around. Confirmation of identity is in the forefront. Why can she not do this? What is there to hide? Why will she not call? I have so been in your shoes and know that it is indeed possible to just be blown away by a persona in a matter of days. We see a wonderful personality with a connection to our soul that is nothing short of magical. But when our toes start to flutter down to earth, reason takes over and questions fill our mind. Of course she seeks you out because she DOES enjoy you, DOES want a relationship, DOES feel the blissful connection you do as well. That's not a question. The question is can you have a relationship with her if there is something in her life that prohibits her from being able to give you her all. We know that something is, whatever it may be. Therefore she can not reveal her life in a way that most do when they share a very special relationship. Is she  married perhaps? Would this matter in the scheme of things? Would you enjoy her friendship just the same? If so, perhaps let her know that it is safe to be who she is.....that you will accept her for good, bad or ugly. If this possibility could present a problem for you, you need to be honest with her and tell her that you need more of her......more sharing in order for the relationship to progress to the next level. You obviously are an open person by the way you have shared with us today. Share with her your feelings.......its time for the roller coaster to level out. Meeting someone needs to be fun......not draining and taxing. I hope this seems like a logical thing to do. I'll be curious to know how this works out. Good luck!
681357
there is obviously a strong and powerful subconscious message you're receiving but you haven't felt strong enough to deal with it.  \n\nthere are a few things going on here:  you feel that she is stronger in the relationship and you go along with what she wants and if she wants the relationship then so be it but anger and resentment is building.\n\nthere are traits that you don't like and you have not had the courage/strenght/assertiveness to speak up and ask for change\n\nyou are unaware of your thoughts and core values and as you're defining them for yourself, you're finding that your wife's aren't necessarily compatible with yours.
405997
Chat with your wife - trust me.  She will have the answers you're really looking for, and if she doesn't a marriage counselor will.  Chatting with another woman on the internet is NOT going to help your situation, and will almost definitely make it more complicated and/or worse.
709312
Immature!\nHow about talking calmly with her. It is her body after all, and even though you may not approve of it, this is a very addicting drug, and maybe helping her instead of playing get you back's would be better. \nShe is your wife, I assume you love her more then anything, be supportive and understanding.
11555
Honesty is the best policy. Tell your spouse how you are feeling and what has been going through your mind. Then go in together and get some good marital counseling. Oh, and getting rid of the computer until the health of your marriage recovers is indeed a good idea.
1105159
Anything that has to do with sexual stimulation with another person that is not your significant other is cheating. Also, don't do unto others what you wouldnt want done to you. If your bf had cybersex , you wouldn't like it. \n\nRules of Thumb to consider: \n- Are you doing something you wouldn't want your partner to know about?\n- Are you keeping your cyber lover a secret?\n- Are you engaging in an activity you would hesitate to do in front of your real-life beloved? \nGenerally speaking, if any of these apply, the action could either be considered cheating or at the very least, damaging to your relationship. If you don't want your partner to know about your online attractions, then you should rethink your actions. \nIn effect, your real-life mate is the deciding factor. Ask yourself, “What perspective does my partner have about cyber sex?” If he or she feels betrayed, then there's the answer. \n\nSeveral red flags to consider:\n- Is there an emotional attachment to your cyber "friend?" \n- Do you look forward to "speaking" with this person?\n- Is your online relationship taking time away from your beloved? \nIf any of these apply, you may want to analyze your true intentions. Ask yourself, “Is this cyber communication a replacement for what I feel I am missing from my real partner?” Many cyber sex participants have admitted to participating in this activity because their sex life has fallen short of their expectations. If your cyber relationship is taking time away from your beloved, it’s time to decide, who is your priority.
1000224
I'm going through the same thing.  Stay strong.  Stick with your gut feel.  She very well may be a sociopath but that's entirely up to her to get professional help.  My therapist outright told my wife to get help.  My wife insists there's nothing wrong with her.
837672
She is displaying signs of mental and emotional imbalance.  I would avoid this situation completely.  Be smart.  Don't let libido override reason, or a few weeks from now you might have a rabbit boiling on your stove.
953670
I'm sorry to hear that you are having this problem with your wife.......however it doesn't mean that this is the end of your relationship. Women begin experiencing many changes in their bodies in their 40's (for example, menopause doen't all happen at once, there are different phases, it may take years to fully get through it), and it could be very possible that these hormonal changes are causing her lack of sex drive.\n\nI would try to be as sensitive and supportive to your wife as possible, as she may be having a hard time dealing with this herself, and then to also feel that she's letting her husband down is also an emotional strain. Ask her questions about what and how she is feeling towards you, but not in a judgemental or  way, maybe phrase it like, "I've noticed that we haven't been intimate, I just wanted to talk about it and see if there's anything I can do because I miss our closeness." \n\nShe could also be feeling low self-esteem. Do you still let her know that she is the love of your life and you think she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen? These sincere compliments can really lift a gal's spirits. Have you thought about surprising her with a date night, just out of the blue, something that she'd love to do. Remind her of the days you first started dating, relive some of your old memories together.  \n\nTell her as gently as you can that while she sees this as no big deal, you are feeling like something that the two of you once shared is missing, and it's important for you to understand why. We are all human beings and have needs, the fact that you so badly want to share this act of love with her and her only, but she's not interested is affecting you. \n\nIn conclusion, I think that in order to fix any of your problems, you'll have to open up the lines of communication. But I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that this is a sure sign of a failing relationship. Take into consideration all of the possible factors, and discuss them with your wife. Maybe a marriage counselor would help you both to express your feelings and concerns with each other. I wish you the best of luck, and remember to always tell your wife that you love her!
671888
yikes...what is she thinking,either way people are getting hurt. Not only that but its out there now...trust is the catalyst of all relationships,when the trust is breached then so is the relationship...look for the kids sake...work this out...get help...see a marriage counselor with her find out why she wants to cheat...I am not a Dr. this is just an opinion...best of luck...God bless
1170014
ignore the guy who said cheat on your wife, please. I am married with 6 kids and i am sure my husband would say the same thing about me as you did about your wife. The issue is that physical intimacy is not very important to some women. it is not to me. the emotional aspect is what causes the physical aspect to be an issue. there is nothing wrong with you, though. as a mother i can say with certainty that i feel like i do most of everything by myself. even though my husband thinks that he is helping. i feel like i care more about everything than he does. I try to tell him he doesnt understand but, he takes it personally. he says whats wrong with ME, are u still attracted to me(physically). The answer is still yes but the emotion aspect is all WRONG. Try making uniteruptted time with your wife first. NO KIDS! and tell her that you noticed that she seems to be unhappy(or something similar). Ask her how she FEELS. dont mention the phisical aspect to her it will only upset her. tell her you want to make her happy again and ask what you can do. telll her you dont know how she is feeling but you want to help her. be genuine. Chances are it is a feeling thing, not physical as you think it is. if she feels more secure and supported im sure the spark will come back ten fold! my husband is always thinking about the physical. he does love me and care about me but the pysical is where he gets  insecure, like most men. with women it is purley on emotional side. try to leave everything physical out of the conversation. focus on her. let her bring up physical stuff. sometimes when i feel emotionally ignored anything physical just makes me angry, kinda like that is all he cares about is the sexual type stuff and not about me. your wife may feel emotionally negllected. try to focus on her.
256899
wow, I can't decide which is worse...a wife that is keeping secrets from her husband, or a husband who is so controlling that he wants to keep tabs on everything his wife does.\n\nhave you considered for a moment that maybe NOTHING is going on? maybe she needs ONE THING in her life that you don't have your nose in? maybe she emails her girlfriends. maybe she is secretly planning to leave you. whatever it is, she obviously doesn't want you to know.\n\nif it bothers you that bad, be a man and talk to her about it. i would suggest not accusing her of anything, because then you will just make her defensive. try to act mature (and no, trying to hack into her email account and spy on her is NOT mature) and explain what is making you uncomfortable.
444807
First of all Thank you for serving our country! If you want to save this relationship you will have to work on the trust issue. But I would be concerned about her cheating again. Follow your heart.
726883
There is such a thing as emotional affair and sometimes affairs start out this way.  If your wife is confiding with another man other than you, it shows a lack of intimacy in your marriage.  Also realize that time spent talking with this "friend" is time taken away from you.  The way I see it, you are her husband.  If she has issues with you, she should be communicating with you instead.
179038
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".