How should a family act towards their heroine addict son, going through second rehabilitation?
347749
I knew a Heroine addict, she recovered after 30yrs of abuse. She is still recovering through a Methadone Clinic, she attends meetings 2x a week.  I don't think anyone really recovers, I think you grow stronger from getting beat down to the ground so many times, at least that's what happened to my friend--after having lost everything, including her morals she found Jesus, and found a better way to deal with her recovery.\n\nTough Love is the best thing for drug abusers.  Don't be mad, just practice tough love, if he comes around, with some half-baked scheme to get money--SHUT HIM DOWN immediately.  My girlfriend, ended up getting caught shop lifting after everyone stoped lending her money.\n\nGood luck...*!*...
1066756
the children of alcoholics have their own group. ask AA or al-anon to refer you. i know how hard it is to be a child of an alcoholic - i have two children from my marriage to one. it seems illogical to let the alcoholic be and leave him to his own destruction but the message really is to you- that you can NOT cure him. you can NOT control him. you can have a confrontation with him and your friends and family were all of you tell him exactly how you feel but in the end- he is going to make his own choices. it is a disease and one that is very destructive to everyone it touches.  good luck. i know it's hard.
756822
this man does need help. it is great he is counseling. the fear you have should keep you away for your sons sake and yours. you should not have to live in fear for your safety and your childs. it will take this person a long time to heal, and if he should, i would still be afraid of him. do not let him make you feel bad about a situation that he has caused to start with. jealously and violence plus whatever else his problems are, are not your fault! he is sick,and professional help will take him a long time, he has let this go to far. your love, and safety for your son is much more important,for the childs sake, than this man promising he will not do it again. next time, might be the worst! please be careful and take care of that little boy and yourself. pray and he does answer
1094632
You have made the right choice. I was once someones 21 year old son, and I am sure she had to go through the same thought process as you. He has to hit rock bottom, and be really scared, then he can start to crawl back. Just give him love, no money, and wait, when he really needs you he will come back to you.\nMy mom and my grandma were there when I did hit rock bottom, and they are the only reasons that I am alive, or not in prison, today.
458328
Learn how addictions affect all family members.  Programs such as Al-Anon are very effective for acquiring knowledge regarding things you can do to help yourself.  Your brother has to want to help himself or treatment will not work for him.  Your brother needs understanding and support to overcome issues of addiction. And depending on the type of drug on which he is dependent, sometimes the addict will benefit from medication management -- not boot camp!\nBest wishes to you and your family!
1132690
Move on with your life.  Perhaps in the future you mom will get off the drugs and put her life back in order.  Maybe she will ask you for forgiveness.  Maybe she will remain a drug addict forever.\n\nConsider this however.  Most drug addicts have to hit rock bottom before they seek help and recovery.  If you forgive her and she feels that what she did was not that bad you may be contributing to her remaining as a drug addict.  Perhaps your absence and lack of forgiveness will be one more reason for her to feel that it is time to seek help.\n\nIt's tricky, and there is probably no right answer.  But generally for me if someone tries to kill me even if it is a parent, I tend to be slow to forgive.
140347
You may be looking for Nar-Anon. It's basically an extension of NA (Narcotics Annonymous). It is a support for family and friends of addicts. It teaches you that you are powerless of your loved ones addiction and not responsible for their actions. I've been in the same boat as you. Good luck. \nI don't know about talking with recovered addicts. Most NA meetings are closed, which means it's for addicts only. You could contact your local NA and ask when they have open meetings.
260133
you cant. he has to be ready for the treatment himself which usually involves hitting rock bottom. this point can be different for all addicts, drugs or alcohol. you may convice him to go to the treatment but he will never recover unless he want to! sad but very very true.
320769
Do the whole world a favor and turn this person in to the proper authorities. It isn't fair to the folks who are going to rehab to end up with a counselor who isn't honest about THEIR sobriety. There are those who take all that as a joke, but it isn't a joke to ones who are serious about getting their lives back under control! Let this person find another line of work (preferrably one that is legal) and stop the fronting.
779886
I am a recovering heroin addict 19 months sober. Anyhow usually when you suspect someone you are close to is using your RIGHT. You know his behavior and patterns better then anyone. On the other hand i found drug related caps needles cotton spoons and stuff FOR MONTHS in my house in my coat pockets or old purses sometimes that stuff lingers after you are done. I use to do coke to but i never cared for it like Heroin i still found straws and rolled up paper after i had stopped using. You have to relise he can't promise not to use again he's A ADDICT!. You can ONLY take care of how you handle his issues. You can't make him go to meeting you can go get support for you. He may never stop untill he loses everything including YOU. It has to be his choice you can't want it or force it you'll fail every time. There are boards online where you can get a better answer from recovering addicts and family of addicts. LOOK UP THE ADDICTION RECOVEDRY GUIDE online they have a family message board and a coke board i think it would help you a lot.
714951
dt,s. and god bless you i went through that with my mom and second husband. its a hard row to hoe. good luck to you and your bf! rehab is helpful but not always successful. always have medical care through it all. he needs AA, and you need alanon! check into it.
535785
I am not in that state how ever a call to the clip board types at social services would be a great place to start! Understand they are buried in people problems but if you  mention the word "intervention" they just may jump and give you a hand. How ever and I dont want to put this spin on it for you if the person in question does not want help all you may be doing is just pushing the time till they hit bottom back farther. I have found that it takes a fairly truamatic event and or some serious faith to change this. the upside is most drug seems to be easyer to with draw from than alcohol with some exceptions. And more than likely the drugs are not the real issue but some thing on a mental health side of the house maybe a few some things not just one. Good luck and it is very cool you are doing this for your child I have met parents who just go up in arms and wish it away.
13373
The no-BS answer?  In all likelihood they don't really care all that much. The general attitude of most people towards criminals is that if they find prison life a bit harsh or brutal, well they earned it didn't they?  Following on that thought is likely a "Maybe he'll think twice about landing in jail a second time." And that's just the general public, not the folks who are forced to work with murderers and rapists on the one hand, up to petty thieves and drunken idiots on the other. \n\nWhile our society likes to talk about prison as aiming at rehabilitation, for most it is seen as punishment first and foremost.  Think of all the "dropping the soap" humor.  Not too much sympathy for the incarcerated there.  Harsh treatment at the hands of one's fellow prisoners is hardly going to greatly concern many working in the penal system who deal with the dregs of humanity on a daily basis unless it rises to the level of an emergency room visit or two.  \n\nIf you want there to be action taken on your son's behalf, you are going to have to make it more worthwhile for them to intervene than it is for them  to let it slide.  That probably means getting a private attorney, the ACLU, an elected official, or the media involved.  A mother's phone call probably doesn't register highly on their "things to worry about" list given the other challenges involved with managing a population that includes society's baddest of the bad apples.
3802
If the loved one is under 18 sign them into a rehab.\n\n Otherwise the only option may be to wait until they get arrested.\n\nMy daughter is a 20 year old "adult" who has dropped out for the last month and we've heard from others about her activities.  She won't tell us where she is so we can't report her activities to the police.  \n\nI hope that we get the call she is arrested before we get the other call.
409848
My dad and I had a similar situation.  I moved in with him at 15 and we partied all the time.  But when I got older, I couldn't take the aftermath of a good bender. I didn't want to be like that drunk old man that didn't have a license, and broke his leg riding home from a bar on a bicycle.  I had a hard time breaking away, he was my dad and we'd be through hell together.  But I had to realize that he had at least started most of the trouble in the beginning.  And that I didn't want him to use me to validate his addictions.  Like saying "that's how we bond".  Usually I just resented him more after we partied.  I haven't seen my dad in 5 years.  I miss him, and I love him, but he's lost everything.  They have to want to quit like we did.  Sometimes, like once a year, I call him.  Make sure he's still alive and doing ok.  But from my experience, they only get worse.  Last time I called my dad had lost the house, his job, living with 4 other people in a house that should be condemned.  He's 51 and having seizures when he goes sober for hours.  I love him soooo much, but I can't bring that beer to him, roll his j, drive him around or keep his dealers off his butt anymore.  Just pray alot, think about the good times and move far enough away that she can't find you until you're independent enough to say no to her.
659777
In this situation, you need to be cruel to be kind.\n\nYou tell this person how much you care and that you are worried about them, and will help them to get off drugs if they truly want to.\n\nIf they tell you that they dont - you have to walk away. Tell them when and if they are ready to give up you will be there to help them, but otherwise cut contact. They need to see what they are losing in their lives by taking drugs.\n\nIt sounds harsh I know, but this is the only way to help someone in the grip of drug addiction.
1120027
Hmm.  How do you mean "clean up her act"? \n\nAre you referring to the drugs?  the living in sin with a much older man when she is so young?  or the estrangement between her and the rest of your family?\n\nAre you reliving unpleasant memories of your childhood, of engaging in sexual activities at too early an age and not wanting her to make the same mistakes?  \n\nYour niece can go either way.  It sounds like she is a very passionate/emotional person, and is swept in the currents of those feelings.  \n\nI recommend being there for her.  Talk to her without judging her.  Don't give her money, but don't talk badly to her.  Be a friend and a confidante.  Don't tell her what the outcomes of her choices will be, instead, ask her what she thinks they will be.  Ask her why she loves her boyfriend, what she wants out of life, etc.  Be supportive and not judgemental.  Just having someone to listen to her will go a long way in helping her choose a better path.