How can I be most supportive of my best friend who has breast cancer?
345658
I know that cancer can spread, but breast cancer is one of the most successfully treated cancers there are so there is good reason for hope.\n\nMy wife had breast cancer 6 years ago.  Her are some things that were most encouraging for her and the things that were not encouraging.\n\nNot encouraging:\nThe endless suggestions that people gave us for natural medicine alternatives.  My wife is a nurse, she wanted to use things that were proven, not an experiment.\n\nPeople who tried to convince her that they could identify with her but really had never experienced anything like what she was going through.\n\nPeople who offered the "cosmic answer" to why she was going through this.\n\nWhat helped:\nWe had a lady who offered to bring meals over the day after she went though chemo.  This was very appriciated.\n\nWe had a family who gave my wife a cleaning service that came in once a week and cleaned.  This was appriciated.\n\nI made a commitment never to leave the house in the morning unless everything was cleaned up and put away.  My wife can't rest in a messy house and I think this made a difference.\n\nLot's of listening, but also lot's of initiating conversation about normal everyday circumstances.  When you have cancer, lot's of people ask how's it going.  Answering this question a thousand times is very exhausting emotionally.  My wife loved it when someone came along and talked exclusively about what was happening with them and she didn't have to answer questions about herself.\n\nCards that express that you are thinking of this person without lines of optimizin from "rose colored glasses".  Simply "I'm thinking of you."  Is much more real and benificial than, "I know it'll all work out in the end."\n\nAlso, we have 3 kids.  My wife appreciated families who reached out to our children and gave them a place to talk about their emotional ups and downs through the process. Our son was a teenager at the time.  He rarely talked to us about what was going on and only asked one question.  What we found is that he was talking to the parents of a friend of his and getting support there.  Sure, we felt a little like we were out of the loop.  But the important thing is he found a safe place to process his emotions.  My wife found comfort in this.\n\nBest wishes
1018931
The only thing that you can do for your friend right now is to pray.  She needs all the prayers that she can get no matter what type of cancer she has.  By going "crazy", you would not be helping her nor would you be a very good friend to her.  Most cancer patients don't like to be treated differently so treat her the same way you always have.  No, she may not be able to do the things she once could so you change the way some things are done.  People survive cancer all the time; the doctors telling her she has cancer is not an automatic death certificate.  PRAY FOR HER TO BE HEALED, PRAY THAT GOD WILL HELP YOU TO BE A BETTER FRIEND AND GUIDE TO HER DURING THIS TIME, PRAY THAT THE TWO OF YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS TOGETHER!!!  Gather several friends to pray with you because God really answers prayer when more than one gather in his name.
601271
This is a great site with lots of really supportive people--and a huge amount of information too.\n\nhttp://www.breasthealthonline.com/
66379
yowsers. be supportive and try hard not to alienate her. Help her plan and be there for her. Prepare her for what life as a military wife will hold for her, and let her know you will always be there.
251498
See best friends dont hesitate to sacrifice so tell ur friend for that or u do.\nThats the friendship
1180394
just be supportive. Give her a hug and tell her you will be there for her.  If she is over 18, you should strongly suggest she get help, and tell her you will be there for her every step of the way. If she is under 18, you should do the same, but if she refuses, you should tell an adult. She needs help you cannot give her. All you can give her is support and friendship.
920550
If she brings it up than yeah! ask her questions.  this is probably the best time to support your friend, and she needs your help right now to be there for her if she needs someone to talk to.  Don't be over the top with it, just say how happy you are that she's seeking help and that you're there for her every step of the way.
975873
aww yeah my best friend brooke... we help each other through some pretty hard times... she is suicidal and i am a cutter and we are the only people who can help each other,brooke really helped me get over my self mutilation, and she is not suicidal anymore. so despite our own problems... we always help eachother.
41131
This is a very sad situation.  It's hard to know what to do.  I guess the best you can do is to show your friend that you care about her.  This can be done in a number of ways, such as those suggested by the previous answerers, or just by hugging her, telling her you love her, and doing nice things for her.  I'm sure you'll figure out a way.
141051
Let go of the hurt...it's difficult to learn to accept something you don't want.. but sometimes we have to learn to do just that. Sometimes we have to be our own best friend-do what you need to do for you to help you get through the tough spots..what would you advise your best friend to do in a situation like this?...Keep in mind, all the while your guts are tied up in a knot..she has no idea-don't give her that kind of power over you and your life. The time we have to walk this world is so short-there's a woman out there who can love you the way you deserved to be loved..if you're so preoccupied by this other woman when the Right one comes around-you may not be able to see her...and That, my friend, would be a terrible thing..hang in there..
761793
just be the freind you are be there for them to talk to cant always fix there problem but thats what freinds are for in that situtation to be there for them to talk too. hugs and jsut leting sit there and sob on your shoulder is all sounds like she needs right now is for you to be there to talk to
930836
more then anything she needs you to be there for her.  Maybe get her a journal so she can write down her feelings, it's better for people to get them out then to keep them bottled up.  My best friend loves Torrid too and I'm just getting her a gift card for there.  But again just be there for her, let her cry, vent whatever she needs to do.
969787
I am so sorry to hear about your family friend and hope you are providing support and understandin right now....the fact that she has secondarys (the cancer has spread to  another part of the body) is , I will be honest, worrying.  I know how awful this illness can be and how devastating it can be especially when the person has been healthy....my dad got cancer...he didn;t smoke, he was active and healthy....by the time he was diagnosed he had secondarys.  The chemo might be there to ease the side effects rather than cure or extend life...she needs to know which it is in her case....my thoughts are with your friend and all who love her right now...I do wish you well and hope that any news she has is positive.  Keep us updated? and if you need to chat...feel free to mail me
581706
i really understand what ur going through, because last year my best friend had brain surgery. i couldnt stop crying either, but i thought about it and realized im not helping her by crying. I need to stop and be there for her!! after shes done with her surgery you should go visit her!! and be there for her when she needs it!!
287164
First of all I must commend you for thinking so much of your friend. She needs friends right now. When a family is in that situation they do tend to spend a lot of time at the hospital, and not at home.\n\nDo they have any pets? You may want to offer to go to their house and feed them or walk them. If they are at the hospital a lot they are not really concentrating on eating and may get caffeteria food because it is easier. Is there something you can bring them to eat, or make something to put in their refridgerator when they come home? \n\nDoes their yard or plants need watering? Any little household task you can help them with will go a long way for comfort.\n\nBeing their for your friend by just listening and helping where you can is the best help you can give her and her family. Trust me when this is all over and things get back to normal she will remember you for your kindness and compassion.\n\nI do hope her brother is getting better every day, and will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.
744085
Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to "do" anything but support her when she's trying to recover.  There is more to anorexia and eating disorders than just eating.  It's a control thing and she really needs to be in counseling with a professional and groups...all of those things she's getting.  You can encourage her to go.  Maybe getting her to volunteer with sick kids (those with cancer) might help her realize that her life is precious.  In other words, get outside of "herself" and give to others is very healing.  God love you for being a good friend.
664991
To support breast cancer.