anyone know any englishmen,irishmen and scotchmen jokes?
349075
An englishman, a scotcbman, and am irishman were walking in a desert when they come across an empty pool with a slide. A genie appears and says, this is a magic slide, when you slide down and say something, the pool will magically fill with that. The englishman goes first and jumps on and slides down, he says,\n"MONEY!" The pool immediatly fills up with money. Then the Scotchman goes and says:\n"GOLD!" and the pool immediatly fills with gold. Then the Irishman goes on and says:\n"WEEEEEE!!!!"
258497
go to funnyjunk.com, or jokes.com
645190
You could try Googling 'Funny Jokes' then choose a topic.\nThere are millions of jokes out in ether land.
1061285
Wenslydale: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?\n\nCustomer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.\n\nWenslydale: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.\n\nCustomer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?\n\nWenslydale: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.\n\nCustomer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.\n\nWenslydale: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.\n\nCustomer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?\n\nWenslydale: Sorry, sir.\n\nCustomer: Red Windsor?\n\nWenslydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.\n\nCustomer: Ah. Stilton?\n\nWenslydale: Sorry.\n\nCustomer: Ementhal? Gruyere?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Lipta?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Lancashire?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: White Stilton?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Danish Brew?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Double Goucester?\n\nWenslydale: (pause) No.\n\nCustomer: Cheshire?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Dorset Bluveny?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Camenbert, perhaps?\n\nWenslydale: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.\n\nCustomer: (surprised) You do! Excellent.\n\nWenslydale: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...\n\nCustomer: Oh, I like it runny.\n\nWenslydale: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.\n\nCustomer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!\n\nWenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.\n\nCustomer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.\n\nWenslydale: Oooooooooohhh........!\n\nCustomer: What now?\n\nWenslydale: The cat's eaten it.\n\nCustomer: (pause) Has he.\n\nWenslydale: She, sir.\n\n(pause)\n\nCustomer: Gouda?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Edam?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Case Ness?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Smoked Austrian?\n\nWenslydale: No.\n\nCustomer: Japanese Sage Darby?\n\nWenslydale: No, sir.\n\nCustomer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?\n\nWenslydale: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--\n\nCustomer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.\n\nWenslydale: Fair enough.\n\nCustomer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.\n\nWenslydale: Yes?\n\nCustomer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!\n\nWenslydale: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.\n\n(pause)\n\nCustomer: Greek Feta?\n\nWenslydale: Uh, not as such.\n\nCustomer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?\n\nWenslydale: no\n\nCustomer: Parmesan,\n\nWenslydale: no\n\nCustomer: Mozarella,\n\nWenslydale: no\n\nCustomer: Paper Cramer,\n\nWenslydale: no\n\nCustomer: Danish Bimbo,\n\nWenslydale: no\n\nCustomer: Czech sheep's milk,\n\nWenslydale: no\n\nCustomer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?\n\nWenslydale: Not *today*, sir, no.\n\n(pause)\n\nCustomer: Aah, how about Cheddar?
765227
Ha ha that was a "Grand" joke\n\n\nI am from an irish background and no offence was taken it is just a joke, "Top of the morning to ya!!"
587283
I have a normal old American accent. Irish and Scottish accents are sexy.
355133
go to askmen.com and check the joke section
949951
Very nice one one, I loved it......I am rolling on the fllor right now. I just called up my brither and told him the same joke.
724546
Great Joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
335084
My guess is British or Irish.
162763
People with a scottish accent are from Scotland, and people with an Irish accent are from Ireland.
90821
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!  If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump  off this building."\nThe Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."\nThe blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."\nThe next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.\nThe Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.\nThe blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death  as well.\nAt the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.\nShe said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"\nThe Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."\nEveryone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,  "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
981763
There are many!  Check out this web site and see if you find the one you have in mind http://tacomaweekly.tripod.com/Irish-Quotations.html
948098
Made me laugh and i like pple capable of laughing about themselves. You Must have heard this Irish blessing I'm sure !!\n"Grant me a sense of humor, Lord, \nthe saving grace to see a joke, \nTo win some happiness from life, \nAnd pass it on to other folks. "
622340
a europian man comes to america without knowing how to speak english but has good memory. he goes to new york. first he goes to a videogame shop. he hears "itsa me, mario". then he goes to a resturaunt and hears "forks and knives, mister". next he visits a plumber's shop. he hears "because he didn't flush". finally he visits a candy store and hears "goody-goody gumdrops". he then goes out on the sidewalk and finds a dead man. a policeman came up to him and said,\n"who killed this man?"\nof course, he only knew what he heard so he could only reply,"itsa me, mario"\n"what did you kill him with?"\n"forks and knives, mister"\n"why did you kill him?"\n"because he didn't flush"\n"sir, you're going to jail"\n"goody-goody gumdrops"
662600
A guy walks in to a bar, and see a sing on the counter that says, "make my donkey happy and I'll pay you £200"\nThe guy asks what it all about, and the bar man tell him that his donkey has been very sad for week, and that nothing that he dose seem to make him happy.\n\nSo the guy walks over to the donkey and whispers in something to him, the donkey starts to laugh.\nThe bay may pay him the £200 and he go off on this way.\nA week later the guy goes back to the bar, and see a now sing. "Please help stop my donkey laughing and I'll give you £200" the bar man tell him that since he made him laugh he has not stopped, and that it is driving him mad.\nThe guy goes over to the donkey, and comes back to the bar man 30 sec later, the donkey is now crying.\nThe bar man give him the £200, and asks "how did you do it, he was crying, you make him laugh, he is laughing, you make him cry, what did you do?" The guy tells him, "well the first time I told him my dick was bigger then his, and this time i proved it."
653974
I heard one recently about the English football team, called "Dont Mention the War".  Very funny.