what is the funniest joke youve ever heard?
344882
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected\n\na half-gallon of 2% milk,\n\na carton of eggs,\n\na quart of orange juice,\n\na head of romaine lettuce,\n\na 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.\n\nAs she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.\n\nWhile the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."\n\nThe woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections or their possible applications, separate or combined, that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.\n\nCuriosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"\n\nThe drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
1034311
You realy want a dirty joke? okay heres one.
699568
LMFAO :)) Where do you get all these great jokes? Absolutely hilarious
289000
Here are some that I love :\nA blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"\n\nIn a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."\n\nOur bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"\n\nThe blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."\n------------\nblonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.\n\nThe clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.\n\nThe next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.\n\nFrustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.\n\nSure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.\n\nTo her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.\n\nThe blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"\n\nThe clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"\n----------\nBLONDE DEODORANT\n\nA blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.\n\nUnfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.\n\n"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."\n"But I always get it here," says the blonde.\n"Do you have the container it comes in?"\n"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."\n\nShe returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."\n\nThe annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
25322
There was a scientific research project into the world's funniest joke, this is the result:\n\nTwo hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. \n\nHe gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
434779
this is the funniest question i have EVER seen on this website. i cant stop laughing. \n\n*IF i could give you 100 points i would***
764425
that was a great joke 2 thumbs up
722206
once there was a guy named david. one day he asked a question. he asked whats the funniest joke ever? hehehehehhehe :)
370888
good joke!!!!!!!!!!! but I like it.
724546
Great Joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
90147
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST JOKE THAT I HAVE READ IN A WHILE...\nI JUST CANT STOP LAUGHING. (I AM 3) MAN OH MAN, MY MOMMY AND DADDY ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.\n\nIT WAS A KIWI!!! HA HA HA LOLOL...\n\nYOU'RE KILLING ME!!! \n\nMAN, I JUST POOPED MYSELF! I CANT STOP LAUGHING!\n\nOH...HEHEHE.....HAHAHA...LOLOLO....\n\nWHEW...MAN THAT WAS FUNNY....\n\n\n......\n\n\n...........\n\nHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
459430
*Two men walked into a bar and the other man ducked.\n\n*A duck walked into a pet store and asked the guy behind the counter "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any duck food?"\n"No," the guy said, "now beat it. And the next time I see you in here, I'm gonna nail your beak to the floor."\nThe next day, the duck came back and said "Hey! You got any nails?"\n"No," the guy said.\n"Good," said the duck, "you got any duck food?"\n\n*One day, a man died and went up to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter asked him "Did you do any good deeds in your life?"\n"Well," said the guy, "I rescued an old lady from a gang of robbers."\n"Hey, that's great!" St. Peter said, "when did you do that?"\n"Oh, about five minutes ago."\n\n*One day, three men were in a cave and they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it, and a genie came out and gave each of them one wish.\n"That's easy," the first guy said, "I'd like to be ten times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly ten times smarter.\n"That's nothin'" the second guy said, "I'd like to be a HUNDRED times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He was suddenly a hundred times smarter.\n"Nah, I got all you guys beat," the third guy said, "I'd like to be a THOUSAND times smarter than I am right now!"\nPOOF! He turned into a woman.\n\nAnd the inevitable dumb blonde joke (NOTE TO ALL BLONDES: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND. I AM MERELY REPEATING A JOKE I HEARD ONCE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE):\n\n*One day, a dumb blonde decided she was sick of all the dumb blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair brown and go for a long drive. She drove out to the countryside, where there were farms; one of these had sheep. She thought to herself "oh, how cute! I want a sheep!" So she went to the farmer and explained her request. \nThe farmer thought for a minute, then said "well, girly, tell you what. I'll let you have one of my sheep if you can guess how old I am."\nThe blonde thought about it for awhile, then finally said "66!"\n"By god, you're right!" The farmer said, astounded. He didn't really expect her to guess it, but since she did, he allowed her to pick out a sheep. So she picked one out and drove off, the sheep in the back. Suddenly, she saw the farmer behind her, chasing her car and waving frantically. She slowed down, and the farmer caught up to her and tapped on the window.\nShe rolled it down, and the farmer said "If I can guess what color your hair really is, then can I have my dog back?"
811979
lol good one thats the best one ive heard today so far ive read your other jokes there lmfao keep them up
929334
i hope this joke can make you laugh\n\nA little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.\nThe son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"\n\nThe mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."\n\n"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.\n\n"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.\n\n"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
880198
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahaha....dats da gr8es joke ive heard in centuries...gud one...
1076654
HA HA HA \nnice n clean joke
107870
Yes, someone knows one or more funny jokes.  http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/;_ylt=ArnzjuRlqSbxSa5yiGyF8SL4y6IX?link=list&sid=396546041