what do you do if someone abused you sexually years ago and you can not forgive him?
346789
Most women have memories like that.If I were you,I wouldn't blame myself for not being able to defend myself.I coulnd't either.You were young and this sick behaviour of your uncle probably had a shocking effect on you.Don't hate yourself for Godsake.Try to find a therapist take a few therapies and get over it.Sexual abusement in early ages can effect your psycology for a lifetime if not solved.you dont have to forgive that ass hole by the way.I didnt.just forget him and avoid seeing him.\nIf  you need to share your feelings dont hesitate,\nzeynep.nazli.t@hotmail.com\nRegards,\nZeynep
204387
The abuse usually only gets worse. Why would you want to put yourself through that again. Hon, your in love with love and what might or could have been. Please think about it before getting back into that again....Nicky
1152947
You're forgiven!\nJust don't let it happen again! ;0)
1095797
no.   If someone does something that hurts very much, it is absolutely possible to NOT forget or forgive for the rest of your life.  I'm living proof.  I have not forgiven my parents for something they did, and I have not spoken to them for 8 years.  Also, I do not forgive any one who has hurt me over the years.  If what someone does , hurts so much that you can not forget it... then you can't forgive it.  It is their problem... not yours.  Go on with your life and forget about them.. Why have someone in your life that hurts you ?
996227
You will never be able to forgive yourself.Sooner or later you will be caught and you will have to fess up.Where will your marriage be than.
235208
you need to decide whether youre going to live with what he did or not. if you cant forgive him then you cant move on. So you have to make a choice and decide what is best for you. If you love him and see your future with him then try to fix it, go to counseling but if his mistake erased your visions of a future with him, then you know what you need to do. But I must also say that you cant rush getting over things either and he should be willing to understand and agree with what you choose to do.
247475
it all depends on what you have done. some things are just not forgiveable or atleast forgettable. i messed up on something with one of my best friends now i am lucky to see him maybe a few times a year and that's usually like in the park becaue we both go there. He don't come by he rarely if ever calls. If i call him sometimes he might call me back but thats the price i guess you pay for screwing up. i mean i know i messed up and i have tried so many things to prove that i know i messed up and it wont happen again but its their choice. when you have been hurt by someone close to you even if it wasn't on purpose and they are sorry its hard to ever trust them again. give it time. keep showing ur friends that you sorry and it wont happen again. but in the end its their choice they were hurt and not everyone is going to risk it again even if you really are sorry. you have to live and learn. learn from your mistake and dont let it happen ever again to anyone.
416493
"BEEL®" U R AN IDIOT! GOD FORGIVES EVERYONE. THATS WHY HE IS GOD!\n\nNow, and speaking from experience, it will be hard but it is not impossilbe and it will take TIME. For those who have never been tramatized sexually or any other way it is easy for them to say "Get over it". I would not say that they were being insensitive but that they are not able to deal with you on that level b/c truely unless you have been through IT, whatever the IT is then you can not really give any type of advice. \n\nI would suggest that you pray a whole whole lot and let God bring you to the place that you need to be. Also, try to look up a 12 step program for abused women in your area b/c talking to others that have been through it will help a great deal. \n\nAlso, if you ever get to this point, then confront him. Express yourself, whether it be anger, sadness, hurt  that you feel. be sure that he knows how you feel and let him know that an apology is necessary. \n\nNot that you can't go on w/o one but he needs to admit and acknowledge that he has wronged you.
182570
Hey, the only thing I can tell you to do is to LET GO OF THE PAST!!! The only way you and your husband can go on and have a life togather is to let go of the past.It worked for me and my husband.It is hard at first but time heals all wounds.If you  both really love each other and you truly forgive him make it work..Just think you won not her...
299836
ive been through hell in my life too, i was beat and raped and even stabbed, and made to go w/out food, and w/out seeing my family. its not easy to forgive someone sometimes, but for your own sake you have too. all your doing is harboring all those negative feelings. do you want to be a victim all your life? of course you dont. so you need to decide right now that your not gonna be the victim anymore, you are the overcomer,ok? you can do it. you have a wonderful spouse right now and kids. you have so much to be thankful for. why would you want to let your past ruin your future? that doesnt make any sence at all. you dont have to talk to your ex, but just say outloud "i forgive, then say his name" "and im letting it go and giving it all to god, it no longer has any control over my life". and mean it when you say it. say it as much as you need to. remember this, if you live your life like this then you let your ex  win, he's won. he's still controlling you even though your not together. let it go, and let god!!! I did. and im gonna be remarrying this summer to the love of my life and i would never let my past put a damper on my happiness. i dont care about the past anymore, it just doesnt matter.
812315
if i were you i will never forgive him
375844
lalapetal, I would sugest that you talk to someone about this. Is there somekind of counselor you can seek? Some kind of suport groups in your area? I once told that I need to let it go and give it to god. But sometimes it stays with us and find it hard to accept things and forgive others. If you dont want to seek help then please seek a forum that can suport you.. google for some abuse forum, there are some good ones out there. You need to def talk to someone about this so you can begin to heal... this is the first step...
817369
Stop crying. I am not saying that that wasn't sad and I am not saying you shouldn't cry, but you've got to stop thinking about things that happened in the past.\n\nIt's a crazy notion propogated by the society, that when someone sexually abuses you, he/she makes you impure. It's wrong. You are not responsible for the things that were forcibly done to you. You are as pure as you were when you were a kid. The other guy has sinned; it's his fault. If you constantly cry and be unhappy, you are only punishing yourself for something that was never your fault anyway. Not fair to you AT ALL.\n\nForget about the past and relatives who just don't care about your feelings. Who wants such nasty people to love you anyway?\n\nLook at today. You've got a job. You probably support yourself well. I am proud of you. Now only if you stop crying and see that you don't deserve to be unhappy, you'll be perfect. :)\n\nSmile!
563328
How old is your brother?  He's doing what he was trained to do by your dad.  The whole trick to all of this is you remembering it, and not doing it to your kids when you begin your life.  Your mother tells you that you was sexually abused but you don't know it?  You need to get out, far away and just start fresh somewhere's and forget all this, you are in a messed up situation.  As for my brother yelling at me, yell back, what's he going to do that you can't do right back?  He's not your dad and he's not your boss is he?  Wish you a ton of luck and happiness in the future.
614821
Worst thing that you could do to your family??  Directly?  Indirectly?\n\nAnything can be forgiven if the one who is guilty of the transgression toward the family goes to each one of them, sincerely apologizes, and never repeats the transgression.\n\nUnfortunately, it will be up to the individual whether or not they are willing to forgive you.  Also, just because you're forgiven doesn't mean you will be allowed back into lives.  You can forgive someone; but you, very seldom, will allow them close enough to ever hurt you again. \n\nForgiveness from anyone is not a ticket to putting a relationship back where it was before the betrayal, and it's a very thin consolation for losing the trust of family. Sorry.
561634
I won't say that I cannot forgive, but it would be hard for me to forgive someone who was close to me and betrayed my trust.
840833
Hi Alayna:  My heart goes out to you for what you suffered when you were younger.  Many women who have endured abuse find it hard to trust men again, and have a hard time putting what happened in the past where it belongs - in the past.  A man can sense when a woman does not trust him, and most decent men have an inborn desire to protect a woman, not abuse her. Be warm and open, but cautious - there are still alot of creepoids out there.  Here is a website that I think you will find helpful - trauma survivors@googlegroups.com.  You can communicate with  other women who have  suffered the same abuse and rape trauma as you.  May God bless you and heal  your hurt, and help you move on to a happy life with a good, loving man.   JoAnn