How d'u deal with a situation, as a military wife, if you feel your husband is being treated unfairly?
343982
being a military wife is not the easiet thing in the world. I definitely give you props! But its alot like any other job hes going to have to be the one to step up and take a stand for himself. there really is nothing that you can do at this point in time. Sit down and have a talk with him and express your feelings to him. Its his job to take care of this himself theres nothing you can do. If hes not willing to do something about it then thats his problem. Dont let his job affect you marriage
853239
My hubby just got home in September!!! If you don't live on base and have military wives as friends, I suggest joining a Yahoo group for military wives... it's good to talk to others who've been there.. and are there for that matter!!!
939762
Sounds like a normal day in our house. There are two sides to every story and this is only your side so hard not to be judgemental on your husband. If he is doing all those things then believe it or not it may possinly be because he is afraid of losing his family and that includes you but too much of a macho man to sit down with you and tell you his true feelings. I would really urge him to try marriage guidance and if he won't go on the camp how about a civilian one where none of his mates will know about it?
764090
hon, you need to set down some boundries.\nNext time the subject comes up, look the person in the eye and confidently (fake the confidence if you have to) and say something like this.....\n" that is the past and we no longer need to talk about it, so please respect me and let by gones be by gones" Then quickly change the subject. There is NO reason that you need to put up with this. Get some personal backbone and stand up for yourself.\n\nYour husband should respect your feelings in this. If he doesn't then he is childish. Any man who lets his family humilate his wife isn't much of a man. A MAN takes care of his woman. A man puts his woman before other people's misguided ideas of what is a joke. A MAN's job is to stand up for his woman and make her feel safe.  Let him read this please. If he is mature he will say he needs to think about this and say he is sorry for making you feel so small. If he throws a fit, hon I am afraid you married a man without moral balls. \n\nNEVER let anyone mistreat you like this. It sounds like his family is confrontational. Don't ever lower yourself to their level. Keep your head up high even if you cry later. \n\nYou could be nasty and bring up mistakes they made in their lives. or you just say....ok you have aired his dirty laundry...does anyone else want to air their dirtly laundry next?"\n\nSometimes you have to use humor to get your point across, other times you have to use controlled power and conviction to stand up for yourself. \n\nYou are not over reacting. You are under reacting. Being angry or emotional with these people will just hurt you in the long run. I imagine they might laugh if you stood up and told them to stop then leave the room crying. Nor do you want to draw a battle line in the sand.  Handle this with wisdom and conviction. \n\nYou are braver than you can imagine. Be strong.
431034
No, to be honest, nothing you can do, my hubby's in the army been gone for four months and won't be home till January of 2007....and my heart aches everyday and I still haven't found a way to stop it..sorry, God bless
128553
In the army guys get exposed to a lot of other guys who don't necessarily have the best values.  Unfortunately sometimes the other fellas' behavior rubs off.  I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your friend.
718124
Hmm...I never really though of how I feel being married to an American. (I'm also American). I'm just happy because I love him very much. He treats me with respect, like I'm an equal, and doesn't see me as his possession. That's good for a woman of any country to feel.
1132969
Ugh. \n\nSounds like something my husband and I are going through. Or, maybe I'm going through and I just think he's also going through. Come to think of it he may not know how I feel.\n\nWe just had a baby four months ago.  I feel wiped out, tired, and un appreciated.  I want someone to appreciate me and make me feel good about myself. Not that I don't feel that way, but when a man tells you how hot you are...and how you make him feel...and makes you heighten sexually...it's amazing. And, once hubby stops - ie family and kids. It leaves the woman longing for more.\n\nI doubt she's already done anything. She probably said that to you to see what you would say and how you would react. She was testing the waters.\n\nIf you want to save your marriage do the following:\n1. Surprise her\n2. Find grandma to take your daughter for a week\n3. Take her on her dream vacation\n4. Tell her how sexy she is, and how she makes you feel\n5. Touch her\n6. Spoil her; arrange for breakfast in bed, seaside dinners...\n7. Don't nag - handle all the little details the whole vacation make it worry free for her...trust me, she is in a rut. She needs a break\n\nYou have to show her you still are interested.  Like gets crazy after kids.  And, once you are stuck in a rut --- it seems impossible to dig out of it.\n\nBTW, I would NOT let this go un-noticed. You need to acknowledge her and what she said. No matter how crazy it seems or how uncomfortable it makes you feel. You need to tell her how you feel - or just that you don't understand where this is all coming from.\n\nAlso, don't ask her if she wants a vacation or needs a break. She's going to say no. Women like to think they are super heros and take on more than they can manage. They feel they are inadequate if they don't keep up with so and so...or if they can't meet someone elses standard of what a wife and mother should be.
1013546
expect the worst, hope for the best! Military is both physically and mentally exhasting. Be supportive and help your guy out when you can, is the best you can do. And be strong, they teach there men to marry a strong women, cuz if your not strong you won't last. Tell him you love him and show it, it will help him get though!
844046
i have been a navy wife and i have been an army wife.  it depends on where you end up being stationed for either on what it's like.  when you are in your home city (or close enough where you don't live on post or deal with the FRG) you're only real source of what's going on is your husband - which is actually helpful as you don't hear 40 different things - none of which are right, and you don't get 4 billion emails about crap you don't care about, and you don't get stuck in the damn rumormill.  \nit was fine in the navy - when he left, i stayed with my parents in san diego because that was where he was stationed.  we are abroad now and we did the blue to green so we are now army.  it's a wonderful experience, but at the same time totally frustrating!  my FRG (i'm sorry, FRG is Family Readiness Group and you refer to the leader as the FRG) never  sends me any relevant information about my husband's unit and yet i get all this useless information that i don't care about.  there is supposed to be a POC (point of contact person) who calls at least once a month - i've been here 6 months, 2 months with my husband gone and she has never called - i don't even know who my POC is!  granted, i don't go to the FRG meetings - but why would i go when they don't do anything that is relevant to me and they make it difficult for me to go with a 14 month old?  \nalso living on post leaves you very vulnerable to the rumor mill, it seems especially the higher ranked enlisted wives do it.  they also tend to wear their husband's rank - abosolutely unacceptable!  myself and the 3 ladies i have made friends with are the wives of an E3, an E5, and 2 E6's (one E6 is only friends with me) so we don't care, and that's the way it is supposed to be in housing.  your rank does not go with you when you are out of uniform.  everyone gets the same respect out of uniform and since wives are never in uniform... yeah.  but it tends to not work that way.  there is this whole web of crap to deal with.  i tend to not.  i have also already made it clear that if i am included in this rumormill i will take them to court on charges of slander and defemation of character - i won't put up with it, but most wives will and that's why it's so widespread.\n\nif you are going to be stationed abroad, don't expect any help from the army to get you to your husband quickly - it was 6 months for all the paperwork to go through because no one could tell us everything we needed to do it so as we got one thing done we were then told another thing we needed to do and since he was already in europe and i was in arizona it was very difficult.\n\nother than that, it's fine.  you get to meet new people, have new experiences - if you live on post it's like it's own little world... kinda wierd to me, but you may like it.  and depending on your personality and what your husband does in the army you may not ever notice the rumors spreading like wildfire.\n\nmy tips, make friends with your housing person before you get a residence on base, find out where everything you NEED is at on base (they give you lots of useless info you have to sift through) and try to make friends with your neighbors, they are going to be the people you see most.
494231
I heard once that the toughest job in the military is military spouse.  I agree.  They aren't on the payroll, but the military spouses go through a great deal while their loved ones are in combat.
1111223
My mother in law feels sorry for my husband. He thinks that I don't do anything at all..and that I should have a job so he doesn't have to work so hard. \nThe truth is..she was Missing In Action for most of my husband's life..having to work all of the time at menial jobs. He has very few memories of her being there at all.\nSoo...I have learned to avoid her, and shrug off her unsubstantiated criticisms.
1146329
Make a time to sit down and talk with him---try to do this with as few distractions as possible. Find out what kind of support he wants. Since he's complaining, insist that he be specific. After you've listened to him, then make sure he listens to you. Be specific about the support you are providing, and also tell him your needs. This is your turn to be specific. Write everything down, compare lists, and try to come up with compromises. This might help disarm the negative emotions. Just because he's in pain, doesn't mean he should be disrespectful and ungrateful. You can be sympathetic for his pain, and still take up for yourself. You and your husband are modeling an adult relationship for your children.
1085143
My husband modiness and be upsetting at times but i get like that at times too. I cant really say anything makes me really mad at him as we work through all of our differences and we love and accept each other even with our imperfections!
980077
Having been in for 20 years and deployed many times, I can honsetly say that it has to be harder to be left !!  While I was deployed I usualy was kept occupied on the mission at hand, worrying about my soldiers etc...    My wife on the other hand though  had to keep our Household running,  all the bills had to be paid, the kids school and after school activities needed to be met (Taken to and from, all the practices, all the games) etc...  Our household still had to run and she was the one who did it and she had to do it alone most of the times.  Yes the FRG was there to assist and the friends were there to assist also but it was all on her shoulders to keep our household up and running.   I have always said that the role of the Military Spouse has never been properly addressed.  A Good Military Spouse is a rare gem and one that needs to be kept and appreciated (Something that Military Members need to keep in mind).  I thank God for my wife who dealt with the military during our service and all of the deployments.  \n\nThe Military Spouse   \n\nWhen the good Lord was creating military spouses, He was into His sixth day of overtime. \nAn Angel appeared and said, "You're having a lot of trouble on this one. What's wrong with the standard model?" \nThe Lord replied, "Have you ever seen the regulations? It has to be completely independent, must be sponsored to get on base, have the qualities of both mother and father during deployments; Be a perfect hostess to four or 40, handle emergencies without military orders, cope with the flu and move around the world, have a kiss that cures anything from a child's torn valentine to a soldier's weary day, have the patience of a saint when waiting for the unit to return stateside, and have six pairs of soft hands."\nThe Angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pair of hands? No way!" \nAnd the Lord answered, "Don't worry. We'll make other military spouses to help. Besides, it's not the hands that are causing the problem - it's the heart. It must swell with pride, sustain the ache of separation, beat soundly when it's too tired to do so, be large enough to say 'I understand' when it doesn't, and say 'I love you,' regardless." \n"Lord," said the Angel, touching his sleeve gently, "go to bed. You can finish that tomorrow." \n"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm too close to creating something unique. Already I have one who can heal itself when sick, feed unexpected guests who are stuck in the area due to bad weather, and wave goodbye to its spouse from a pier or runway and understand it's important to the country that the spouse leave." \nThe Angel circled the model of the military spouse very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. \n"But tough," the Lord said excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this being can do or endure!" \n"Can it think?" the Angel asked. \n"Can it think? It can convert 1400 to 2 p.m.!" the Lord said. \nFinally, the Angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model." \n"It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear." \n"What's it for?" asked the Angel. \n"It's for joy, sadness, pain, loneliness and pride," the Lord said. \n"You're a genius," said the Angel. \nThe Lord looked somber and said, "I didn't put it there." \n~Author Unknown
237028
No. Why?\n\nI was in the military, and let me tell you, it is extremely easy to deal with an abusive military spouse. First you simply tell his CO about it and that should fix the problem most of the time. However, if you need to take it further, you can have him thrown out of base housing and they will garnish his wages while he has to find a place to stay. I really don't understand this question. Spouses of military people alway have a HUGE upper hand in the matter.
361554
Being a Drill Sgt, is no picnic.  They work long long hours and get no days off.  They live with these men and women.  I know it has to be hard on you being a spouse.  I've been in the military and was married to a military man and it's not easy.  There is a high divorce rate in the military and with Drill Sgt.  You sound like you are very grounded and very supportive of your husband and should be commended.  One day he will be out of the service and you will have him all to yourself but in the mean time, support him and love him.  It sounds like you have a good man and remember he is doing a great service to his country.  So many people marry military people and don't understand that it's not a 9 to 5 job, and you have alerts, and you move out, and you have duty to pull and you don't get weekends off and you get deployed..As hard as this is for some people to understand but you serve your country.  I've always believed that before someone gets married to someone in the military they really need to have some kind of counseling and some understanding of what a service member has to do and respect that and support them.  I think things will be okay for you and your husband, you sound grounded and you are aware that what he is doing is not easy for him either.  Good Luck...