How do I stop being too insecure and controlling?
336257
Get counselling.\nThat is the best thing you will ever do for yourself at this point.\nYour girlfriend has done everything your controlling heart has asked,yet you were unable to do for her.So now that she is gone you want her back.\nIbelieve that right now you need to take care of yourself by going into counselling to help you find out why you are insecure.Did something happened in your childhood?\nWhy are you so controlling? Why are you afraid of losing control?\nUntil you are happy with who you are, you will not be able to complement her in that respect.She also will have to be happy in herself.\nWhen she sees that you are going to counselling it will help her to realise also that you truly love her,but do not do it for this reason. DO IT FOR YOURSELF.\nIf you don't you will end up right back where you were.\nNow that you know what you have to do, you do not have any excuse.\nHope I was able to help.
895873
Just try to get out of the habit.  It could be a great first step to let them know you would like to do better too.  Stick with it keeping in mind that it will take some time to change yourself, and how others react to you.\nGood work, and good luck, I'm sure you will be happier.\n\nps Only those with limited life experience would ever confuse a nice person with a weak person.
524345
trying to be controlling...\ndon't let him...\nmy boyfriend tried that too.....but he didn't get his way...
1180118
You are so busy trying to please everyone that you end up getting hurt in the process.  This is impossible, can't be done..you can't please everyone.  You need to establish boundaries with ALL your relationships and stop allowing people to bulldoze over you.  I know, I've been there.  If you let people use and abuse you, then you will have a lifetime of this.  If you let them know that this behavior is unacceptable, then they will stop.  The best weapon you have is the word "NO"...add it to your vocabulary and please start using this often!  Life is made up of a series of choices, and you are on this earth for a reason, and that is not to be used by everyone.  You are a unique one of a kind person...there's only one you...so be proud of that and don't let anyone tell you who you are...that's your job! Time to let the world know who you are and stand tall & strong!!!  \nIf you need more help with this, please e-mail me...I specialize in spiritual counselling.
460369
Control is a sign of insecurity.  It comes from a lack of trust.  People that try to control are trying to possess.  They view the other person, not as their partner, but as their property.  If you own something no one can take it away.  You can break it, distroy it or just throw it away at will, and no one can say or do anything.  Controlling is not LOVING.
682622
Try not to show off by bragging about your past conquests, and don't fish for compliments to boost your ego. Relax, be comfortable with yourself and express yourself naturally
351125
sorry to hear that, just realize that EVERYBODY has these problems, they just hide it in different ways.  you may not believe this at first, and it sounds like one of those things sympathetic people say to give insecure people a boost, but once you get over this you will see. e.g. ask someone old and wise if donald trump possibly has insecurity problems...'dude probly has a 2 incher for all we know!\n\nnow, to solve the problem at hand: work on being good at something. pick something that will be useful for you in the future and become good at it. nothing wins like winning, capice? hang out with someone from another country, learn their language. try not to focus so much on "am i adequate?", just go and do something that will be INARGUABLY SUCCESSFUL - in other words, next time your insecure side tells you that you suck it will be forced to face the hard facts that you in fact kick a*s at something. eventually your condition will go away, but it won't if all you do is brood over how you suck. don't waste your time, there is too much cool sh*t out there in life to go see!
39389
k well you have a lot going on here dont you. i think you need professional help before your impulse control gets the best of you. sure its kind of stupid for girls to let it all hang out, but who are you to tell them they cant. and you can repress this "natural" instinct. i do it everyday.
10119
Take responsibility for yourself instead of relying on others. \nGet an alarm clock.
69164
It's great that you acknowledge your problem and want to resolve it. First you must reprogram yourself (so to speak). You have to learn how to control how you react to people. I think you may just need to feel like you are being listened to, and if you don't that could cause frustrations to mount and fuses to become short. Try to address something before it becomes a big problem. Change your approach. If you're losing your cool with kids, try getting on their level and look them eye to eye and sincerely talk to them and tell them why certain things are important and that you don't want to get upset or yell at them but if they don't respect your wishes it could cause you to get upset and that they can help prevent that by showing that they are listening and respecting you. Just remember you can't control other ppl but you can control how you react to them.
331877
Honey, DUMP that loser.  \n\nYou don't deserve that crap.  He thinks you'll just take it, but that's abuse.  If you're that bad, what is he doing with you?  \n\nHe just feels so insecure that he is putting you down.  This is NOT your problem.  Get rid of that dork!
1110537
Insecurities, Not enough self-worth, or just afraid of rejection most of the time.
1130711
Hello,\nWhen I was younger I had this same problem.  I looked for my relationships with OTHER PEOPLE to validate my worthiness.  Geeze did I find out I was doing things backwards.\n\nFinally I found the receipe to loving myself in the right way.\nNo one, look around is perfect.  All though many women and men have cool talents, and neat things about them that make them special, look deeper NO ONE is perfect.\nIf you have spent many years trying to BE perfect, you are probably way in front of the crowd.  But even if you haven't, LOOK AT YOU, you have talents, OR the ability to get specific talents that many others will never have.\nBegin to think how our diversity is wonderful.  We're all different, each with their own talents.\nSo, with this new perspective on yourself and others, sit down, and write out a list about yourself of all your good points.\nStudy that list...is that person likeable? loveable?  of course s/he is!!!\nIf you would like to have that person as a best-friend, then DO EXACTLY THAT:  \nBecome your own best-friend.  Never ever belittle yourself.  Take up for yourself.  Compliment yourself when you do well.  \nLovingly admonish yourself when you goof up.  \nForgive yourself, and promise yourself to do better in the future.\nThen VERY IMPORTANT start doing good things for yourself...what do you like? do that for yourself !!!  Buy yourself flowers.  MAKE SURE you set aside part of every day for YOU.\nGo places YOU like to go, even if you have to go alone...you will be surprised how great it can feel !!!\nAnd MOST important, don't tolerate any one else beratting you EVER.   Now, if someone is, or has done that to make you feel bad about yourself (get it in your head) that was emotional abuse.  That person is pitiful...YOU are ok, or you can fix yourself.\nIf someone's else's opinion of you is UNjustly low, then KNOW that you can NOT fix that person.  Dismiss their unjust opinion, and talk to yourself, as your own best-friend and bouy yourself back up.\nIf you're not feeling good about yourself, there's a real good chance your posture has suffered.  You CAN fix that, and you'll feel better when you exercise good posture too...(science tests have proved that to be true...something about endorphins).\nSomeone once told me something I practice EVERYDAY of my life: \nFirst - Look good.  Get up fix yourself up clean and neat.\nTHEN - you'll feel good\nTHEN - you'll DO good\nAnd then you can have a BETTER day everyday.\nFirst thing in the morning do combed hair, wash, make-up if that pleases YOU, clean shoes and clothes, and straight back.\nAnd most important of all PASTE a smile on that face.  Share it with others and watch them smile back which feels good for both of you.  \nSpeak softly and kindly to others.  Give up the thing you want most, and that is a little love.   It WILL come back to you so quickly you'll think it's some kind of miracle!\n\nTo make a  friend, first BE a friend\n\n  Love each time like it was the first time\n\n      Love each day like it was your last day\n\nLove others deeply, and remember to Love yourself too.\n\nThat's enough to get you started loving yourself in the right way.  Everything else will fall into place after that.  You will find that some family that has been a bit stand offish will remark that they like the change in you (and that it was too long in coming).\nHope this helps you as much as it helped me, and keeps on helping me everyday, every hour.\n\nI wish you LOVE\nSTW
703682
Well, you have already nailed it pretty well, and under the circumstances you are doing a whale of a lot better managing this that I ever would! You're further ahead of the game than you realize. You are also tired and need a breather. You need to schedule some down time for just you. You are the one that is important here. And self care is job one. Always. You have been ambushed, so when that happens you always step back and regroup. And the best way to self care your way through this one is to be by or hang around yourself a little more. Find your center once again. Centering. A wonderful concept. And correct, too, on every level. Diet, bubble baths, rest, fresh air, cleaning your bedroom, checking your wardrobe and getting free of old stuff you will never wear again - in other words, spend a little time reinventing yourself. You are already pretty strong because you have a good mind with which to sort out all this foolishness and get your bearings, but the unfortunate truth in life is that when we are tired, anyone can take a whack at us and it is like they could blow us over with a feather. You can feel that sensitive, and it is because you are smart, really. It is the downside of being smart. You can be too sensitive. So when you find your center once again you will also find more strength to call this what it is: abuse. Others here on Yahoo! Answers are giving you some fine answers about actions you can take, but I am focusing solely on you taking care of you. Self care. Make more time to pamper yourself and start feeling good about who you really are, because look at what you are doing here: you are  working on your degree. I mean, my God, all this other chaff is just fuel. Be very alert and see it for what it is - a prime distraction and begin - just begin, to look for a better place to bring yourself for work. That does not, fortunately, need to be put in place before the end of the week. If worse comes to worse, you can just walk away. A social worker once told me, "Chris, sometimes all you can do is walk away." I never forgot that one. Under most circumstances, I get the impression you are normally extremely self-reliant and independent of mind, so it is probably just because this whole mess has worn you down a bit that feeling it is a lilttle rough on you right now. I am sending you good energies and my heart goes out to you hoping you find the perspective to see the bigger picture and put you back into it in the dignified and self-respecting way you rightly deserve. Get your self-esteem back intact and believe in who you really are. And for God's sake, get some rest. None of us thinks well when we are exhausted. The other thing is emotionally draining, and only time will heal that one.  God Bless You, too.     - Chris.
61699
Just try to make yourself stronger. don't think of poeple talkings much and improve your self confidence.\nI was like this when I was younger but I released being sensentive too much is not worth at all.
803721
Get rid, I don't think anybody should be controlled. Find somebody who loves you and is genuine. Just because he is sweet it does not mean he can't be nasty. He's shown his true colours. No women deserves to be manipulated and grounded. Good Luck
252388
keep yourself busy and focus on yourself. Don't do this with negative intentions or malicious reasons - like i'll show you. I can relate. I used to give my man shit all the time for no reason. The only thing jealousy leads to is wasted energy and will only leave you feeling worse. I hate to say it , but this boils down to insecure feelings on your part and you know how you hate it when he says " you are just insecure". focus on spending time w/ family and friends, job, goals...this behavior will bring you and your husband closer.  Just communicate, don't give up, You just need to love your man smarter not harder