I need help with my Theology essay: "Every time you ma$terbate, God kills a kitten. Discuss"?
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Honestly, it's completely true. You can find more references in the biblical book of Rannel'asa, the Gentile that had a horrible ma$turbation problem but really loved God.\n\nI made all that up, just like your question.
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I am a atheist and I say, "kittens". It is my catch all phrase for all things that make me angry. I do not know why it just came to me one day when I was not praying.\n\n\nps. I like your posts, both answers and questions, can I name one of my fish after you. I would say one of my kids but the next one is going to be "Rumplestiltskin"(I am obligated, sorry)
1067510
It is very sad. Anyone who does a good amount of reading on ethics will know better. Christians tend to not read good books. They just accept the beliefs they were raised with and stick to them out of loyalty, fear, and familiarity. A lot of people don't like to think that what their parents taught them was wrong. A lot of people also have a very hard time dealing with mortality without a belief in a Heaven and benevolent god waiting for them. The truth is, we really just do not know what happens. There could be a deeper purpose to our being here. There could of been an intelligence behind what is. I would never say there definitely is or is not. On the same token though I can see the works or man from a mile away. The Bible wreaks of man, and all his fears. It's far too obvious that a god had nothing to do with what's in that book. I can can spot it just like I can spot the hand writing of a three year old. It's a shame others have such a hard time seeing this. I think this goes beyond their intelligence or lack thereof. It comes from a much deeper emotional issue. To lose faith in God would be akin to losing meaning to everything and that would leave them horribly broken and lost. It's too bad they can't see the other alternatives. One can lead a very spiritual life without placing belief in ridiculous claims.
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You will want to point out the irony that both families loved their children but by refusing to let their respective children follow their own heart they lost both children.\n\nAnd of course the irony of both so much in love with each other that they gave their lives to be with each other.\n\nAnd then a comparison to modern day couples should help with length and filler in your essay,  along with how the tragedy would've been averted if the parents would've left the children out of the feud.\n\nGood luck.\n\nPeace.
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What your teacher wants you to do is, rather than just put the wuote in your paper, explore why and how this quote serves to further your argument.  For example, if I was writing a paper about teh play MacBeth and wanted to talk about Lady MacBeth's madness, it wouldn't be enough for me to put in  the paper "Lady MacBeth repeats 'out damned spot!' which shows her increasing madness."  I would have to go on from there and say something like, "The repetition of 'out damned spot,' reveals how Lady MacBeth is fixated by the blood stains she sees on her hands but are no longer there.  Her internalization of the murder is so torturous for her that she feels like she can never wash away the stains.  This is how this scene proves Lady MaBeth's madness; since she cannot see that her hands are clean, she is unable to put the murder behind her and therefore cannot remove her terrible misdeads from her psyche."\n\nWhen you are putting quotations in a paper, just be sure to guide your reader through what the quotation means to your argument.  Never assume that your reader will just "get" your meaning; be sure you explain everything.
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The article is interesting, but it seems to have some flaws. It was too long and involved to read carefully, but I skimmed the points it was trying to make. One that jumped out at me was worshipping on Sunday. The article says we do that because the Pope said to. The fact is that the earliest church worshipped on Sunday. Paul says the day doesn't matter, as long as we worship.\n\nAnother problem is that the Bible tells us that once the antichrist comes to power, we only have 7 years left before the end. The catholic church has been around for far longer than 7 years!\n\nThere are more, but I'm a very slow typer, so I'll let it go at two.\n\nI have a big problem with some of the catholic beliefs, but I really don't think this article should be taken seriusly. When I have more time, I am going to look at it more closely, though.
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I'm sure that the textbook you are using is faulty,especialy if they haven't discussed the many and varied tenents of your faith.It is your duty to attempt to correct this.Find some better books at your library, share them with your teachers,use every other opportunity  to write about your faith in class assignments(let me assure you that devout Christian students do this all the time, they call it witnessing)Stand up for your beliefs,it's your duty as a citizen.
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I recommend reading "Small Gods" by Terry Pratchett.\n\n"It's a god-eat-god world."\n\n"You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look."\n\nCuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.\n\nThe trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.\n\nMost gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time.\n\n"He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at."\n\nWhen you can flatten entire cities at a whim, a tendency towards quiet reflection and seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow's-point- of-view is seldom necessary.\n\n"All the other prophets came back with commandments!" "Where they get them?" "I ... suppose they made them up." "You get them from the same place."
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Question:Why did the chicken cross the road?\n\nAnswers:\nPlato:"For its own good.At the other side of the street,lies the truth".\n\nAristotle:"It's in the chicken's nature to cross the streets".\n\nMoses:"And God told the chicken:Thou must cross the street.\nAnd the chicken obeyed,for His Name to be glorified...".\n\nGalilleo:"But it did cross it!"\n\nDescartes:"To get to the opposite side".\n\nMachiavelli:"The aim,crossing the street,purifies the means,whatever these are".\n\nKarl Marx:"It was historically inevidable".\n\nCharles Darwin:"Through the years,chickens were genetically chosen to be able to cross the streets".\n\nSiegmud Freud:"The fact that you are wondering why the chicken crossed the street shows that you have a syndrom of depressed sexuality".\n\nMartin Luther King:"I dream of a world where every chicken will have the right to cross the street".\n\nLadyBassPlayer,thanks for your answer about my band gig question.;-)
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maybe this will help it is a sermon about that same subject\nhttp://mcdonald.southern.edu/sermons/00/0520.htm\nGOD BLESS
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The Lost Chapter of Genesis\n \nAdam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. \n\nSo God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" \n\nAdam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. \n\nGod said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. \nHe said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. \n"She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!  "She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. \n"She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." \n\nAdam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" \n\nGod replied, "An arm and a leg." \n\nSo Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" \n\nThe rest is history....
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I wrote a paper about language used for God while I was in college, I'll just paste parts of it in here where it fits in between my thoughts now.\n\nGod being referred to as a man is a perfect example of the overuse of a metaphor. the metaphor is supposed to bring out certain feelings and allow the reader to relate better to the subject at hand. the overuse of a metaphor obviously proves to have problems, when in this case, referring to God as a woman somehow tends to turn heads.\n\nit seems everyone is hitting it with saying that God is neither male nor female. biblically, there are referrences to giving God both male and female characteristics, as well as comparisons to animals and inanimate objects. God is all things. whoever quoted the I Am scripture got it right.\n\nmale references:\n\n"Along with God as a father, there are other male images for God in the Bible. God is referred to as a shepherd in Psalm 23 and Ezekiel 34 (103). God is referred to as “. . . LORD Most High, the great King over all the earth” in Psalm 47:2 and a judge and king in Psalm 96:10 (103-104). God is portrayed to have great strength and courage. In Psalm 24:8, God is referenced as being a warrior. It says, “Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.”"\n\nfemale references:\n\n"God is also referred to in feminine aspects. In Isaiah 49:15, God is given the characteristics of a nursing mother. Isaiah 66:13, states that “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem” (104). God is given the characteristics of a midwife in Psalm 22:9-10 and gives birth in Deuteronomy 32:18 and Isaiah 42:14. Characteristics of women by giving birth can also be found in John 3, when God gave his “only begotten son.”"\n\nanimal references:\n\n"God is also equated with animals throughout the Old and New Testaments. In Matthew 23, as well as Luke 13, God is spoken of as a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wings. In Deuteronomy 32 God is referenced to be a mother eagle, and then again a few animal references are made in Hosea 13:7-8. It states, “So I will come upon them like a lion, like a leopard I will lurk by the path. Like a bear robbed of her cubs, I will attack them and rip them open. Like a lion I will devour them; a wild animal will tear them apart” (98)."\n\ninanimate object references:\n\n"Throughout the Bible God is also referenced as inanimate objects. In Deuteronomy 4:24, God is “a consuming fire” and in Psalm 84 God is “a sun and shield” (98). In Deuteronomy 32, God is a rock. However, “‘Rock’ applied to God implies a set of qualities, particularly ones that focus on stability and reliability, that rose in the consciousness of the believing community at a particular time” (102)."\n\nit is also important to note that God's name, which is "’ehyeh ‘asher ‘ehyeh," or roughly YHWH is found over 6,000 times in the old testament. it is roughly and most often translated as "I am (who I am)," and is a form of "to be." due to the fact that jews regarded God's name as sacred and should never have been spoken, they often substituted YHWH with "Adonai" (which is "kyrios" in greek and "dominus" in latin). all of those forms are masculine and translate as "lord." lord obviously has masculine, dominant conotations. since all these forms are masculine, the masculine idea of God was pushed over God's name. God is often also referred to as "elohim" which has no gender. the shortened, "eloh," however is feminine and means goddess, so the addition of "im" at the end could make the translation of the word merely mean, “god,” “gods,” “goddess,” or “diety.”\n\nwhoever stated that the term for spirit was ruah and was feminine was also correct. it is important to note that the spiri
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Subject: Fw: Theory of Evil \n\n\n\n\n"Does evil exist? Did God create evil?" \nThe University professor challenged his students with this question: \n"Did God create everything that exists?" \n \nA student bravely replied, "Yes he did!" \n \n"God created everything?" The professor asked. \n \n"Yes sir", the student replied. \n \n        The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God \ncreated evil, since evil exists, and according to the principal that \nour works define who we are, then God is evil." \n        The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, \nquite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven \nonce more that the religious faith was a myth. \n        Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a \nquestion professor?" \n    "Of course", replied the professor. \n \nThe student stood up and asked, "Professor does cold exist?" \n \n"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you \nnever been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's \nquestion. \n        The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. \nAccording to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in \nreality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible \nto study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes \na body or matter have or transmit energy. \n        Absolute zero (-460? F) is the total absence of heat; all \nmatter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. \nCold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how \nwe feel if we have no heat." \n        The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" \nThe professor responded, "Of course it does." \n        The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness \ndoes not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light \nwe can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism \nto break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths \nof each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can \nbreak into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know \nhow dark a certain space is?    You measure the amount of light present. \nIsn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what \nhappens when there is no light present." \n        Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?" \nNow uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have \nalready said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's \ninhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence \neverywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil. \n        To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least \nit does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is \njust like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe \nthe absence of God. God did not create evil.  Evil is the result of what \nhappens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's \nlike the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that \ncomes when there is no light." \nThe professor sat down. \nThe young man's name -- Albert Einstein\n=====================================\nhttp://patriotfiles.org/america.htm
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http://jamaat.net/muh-christ/intro.html\nthis can help you
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All I can offer is my own two cents from my study. (clink, clink)\n\nBefore looking at Cain and Able, we need to look at Adam and Eve's last time in the Garden before having to leave. They had already sinned before God and was punished (the ground cursed and pain in child birth). As hard as it is to believe, Adam and Eve's sins were paid for - therefore there is no "original sin" - but that's another post!\n\nBefore getting kicked out of the Garden, God made garments of skins and clothed them. Why? As we can see in later parts of scripture, God perfers animal sacrifice because of the blood. The blood "pays" for the sins of the offerer. That's why God gave them garmetns of skins - He had shown them what was the offering that He wanted - animal.\n\nAdam then taught this to his sons Cain and Able. For Able it was easier since he already took care of the flock. Cain knew God accepted only animal offerings, but pride got in the way. Instead of going to his brother and trading a lamb for some harvest goods, Cain decided to simply offer up his goods instead of a lamb.\n\nAll Cain had to do was humble himself and ask to trade a lamb for some grain with his brother. But he was jealous that Able had it easy because he overlooked the flock.\n\nSo when Cain offered up his harvest to God, He refused it. Instead of realizing his mistake and doing something to fix it, he got angry. God then asked him what was wrong, that if he did the right thing, he would be a happier person. But Cain let anger fester in his heart until he murdered his brother.\n\nThis is a fine example of how people rather do their own thing than obey the rules God has given us for better living.
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THE LITTLE GIRL\nBy: John Michael Montgomery\n\nHer parents never took the young girl to church...\nNever spoke of His name... \nNever read her his word... \nTwo non-believers walking lost in this world... \nTook their baby with them, what a sad little girl... \n\nHer daddy drank all day and mommy did drugs... \nNever wanted to play or give kisses and hugs... \nShe'd watch the tv and sit there on the couch... \nWhile her mom fell asleep and her daddy went out... \n\nAnd the drinking and the fighting... \nJust got worse every night... \nBehind their couch she'd be hiding... \nOh what a sad little life... \n\nAnd like it always does, the bad just got worse... \nWith every slap and every curse... \nUntil her daddy in a drunk rage one night... \nUsed a gun on her mom and then took his life... \n\nAnd some people from the city took the girl far away... \nTo a new mom and a new dad, kisses and hugs everyday... \n\nHer first day of Sunday School... \nHer teacher walked in... \nAnd a small little girl starred at a picture of Him... \nShe said I know that man up there on that cross... \nI don’t know His name but I know he got off... \nCause he was there in my old house... \nAnd held me close to his side... \nAs I hid there behind our couch... \nThe night that my parents died.
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Ok, let's say you find an article on the dangers of getting your kid sea monkeys for christmas\n\nactual example - billy cried and went into therapy when they died\nhypothetical - if susie had succeeded in drinking the sea monkey water, she would have died\nstatistics  - 98% of parents suryed by PETA thought sea monkeys were safe pets\ncomparative analogy - buying your child a sea monkey is like telling them to go play in the street\nexpert testimony - Dr. Franz Monkeybutts has studied sea monkeys for 27 years and agrees, sea monkeys will kill your children\npeer testimony - Daniel's mom knows her son would still be alive if she hadn't given into his Christmas wish for sea monkeys\n\nI'm sure you won't find such transparent examples in  a real magazine, but I hope that gives you the jest.\nThen, explain why you labeled each example as you did.