How do u cope with the lost of a loved one, esp. your parents?
354089
You do have a void in your life. You miss the parents you wish you had. My father passed away more than twenty years go when i was a little girl and i still am having a hard time with it. I don't remember conversations and never got to know him. I miss what i could of had. There is no real getting over it. It's more of accepting the way things are. I know i can't bring him back and it sucks. One thing i read recently i wish i could remember where. The article was about making a patch work quilt in your mind with the people in your life that have the qualities that you would want in a mother or father. Say you have a friend who is really good at listening, that can be a piece of what a mom is to you. Someone else in your life who encourages you is another part of what a mom is to you and slowly you piece together a mother. Instead of getting all of a mom in one person many people end up fill the void that is empty. It will never be the same as the real thing but that is where acceptance is a huge part of learning to cope. You will always miss them and wonder what life would be like with them. I wish i had a better answer for you. Sincerely,if during my journey in finding acceptance with my fathers death i learn something better i will let you know.
353303
I'm 23 and my mum passed away on April 15th from Cancer, we had no idea how serious her condition was until a couple of days before, and she was only diagnosed in January. Plus to top it all off, I'm getting married next weekend (2 days after what would have been her 51st birthday) and I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that she won't be there. \n\nIt's been so hard and I've had so many mixed feelings of guilt, regret, sadness and loneliness, but I think the key is talking to people and don't bottle it up or it will make you ill. \n\nI've had a lengthy conversation with my dad which has helped me loads and the silly thing is we're closer now than we ever have been. \n\nWhat you need to remember is time heals all wounds, and although I will find my wedding incredibly difficult, I know she would have wanted it to be the happiest day of my life and I'm sure she'll be there in spirit. \n\nI hope this has helped, especially to let you know there are others feeling the same feelings you are - just remember you're not alone and your father will always be watching over you.
869211
yes, my dad died at home with all of us with him. it is horrible to know that every second that goes by, is a second closer to losing someone you love, forever.
629634
Honey, I feel for you.  My mom passed away suddenly 13 years ago.  First thing you've got to do is of course get thru the visitation and funeral.  Give yourself some time to come to grips with this.  I highly recommend that you seek out some sort of grief counseling.  My dad, sister, and I did this about 6 weeks after my mom died, and it really helped alot.  It's up to you whether you choose individual counseling or group, but make sure to do one or the other.  It'll really help you out.  Also, find people to talk to, the more you talk, the better you will be able to work thru all this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  God Bless You.
38743
my dear my heart goes out to you and your family, i know exactly well no i cant say i kn ow how u feel we all grieve in our own ways, visit my website a page i dedicated to my mother in the sources below, maybe this will help? i dont know, but its been 5 years this year since my mother has passed im am 28, your heart will mend in time, ask God to help you through your tough times, its not gonna be easy but he will be there for you when you are down I PROMISE IF U DO SEE MY WEBSITE PLEASE SIGN GUESTBOOK, AGAIN MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND UR FAMILY WELL IM TRYIN TO PUT MY HOMEPAGE BUT IF U WANT TO KNOW IT JUST PM ME ON YAHOO WITH THIS PROFILE NAME OK THANKS
237230
Time.  That's what you need.  It always seems to hurt a little less.  Don't pretend the person is not gone, but.... don't dwell on it either.  Make sure to stay in contact with those that you love for support.  Those that care for you will come through NOW- more than ever.
430887
Its still really close...  Give it time, its a hard thing to deal with.  For now just take one day at a time as they come, and don't get overwhelmed.  Make sure you take care of yourself, and also be sure not to bottle up your emotions, 'cause that will only make things harder.  It probably sound cliche by now, but I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope things work out for you.
573594
I am very sorry for your loss.  You must be devastated.\n\nIt will be hard to get over and move on right away.  Just take one day at a time.  Grief is very hard because sometimes it can feel as though you are being consumed by it.\n\nMake sure you keep the lines of communication open with any siblings you have.  Also if your dad is in the picture.  he may be hurting too and it may be hard for him to express his loss.\n\nDon't try to replace your mother for your siblings because it isn't your responsibility.  Also realize that you and your mother still have a special relationship even though she has died she is still with you.\n\nWhen my dad died I felt him with me.  Sometimes I know he is there watching over me.  Your mother's love for you will always be there.  Try to remember the good times that you had together and realize that those will never be taken away from you.\n\nDeath is a transitional state and you will be going through a transition to adjust to being without your mother.  Just let the emotions come, if you are sad cry, if you are happy laugh.  In time things will level out and you will be able to face the world.\n\nA counselor once told me that grief is like the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes they come in fast and furious, sometimes the grief is slow and gentle.  It is always there but after awhile the waves are slower and farther between.\n\nMay peace and love be with you and surround you.  I hope that you have the friends and support that you need at this time.  If you need someone to bounce things off of then please feel free to email me.
419950
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother must have loved your father very much and we can only imagine the pain that she's feeling right now. If you want to help her, be there for her, let her cry, let her be depressed, let her talk about your father or not. Four months isn't that long of a time frame to move past the grief of losing your best friend and life partner, so first and foremost, give her the time, space and permission to grieve the way she needs to grieve. Remember, she's not only grieving the loss of her husband, she's grieving the loss of her entire way of life...it's a difficult adjustment.\n\nAt the same time, encourage her to make small steps toward a 'normal' life again (although, to her, life will never be 'normal' as she knew it again). Take her out to lunch, to a movie, shopping or just for a cup of coffee. Invite her to your house for dinner, if you have children, bring them around. Maybe take a class together at your local community center. All of these things will remind her that there is still life all around her. \n\nIf you're concerned that her depression goes beyond what would conceivably be considered normal for intense grief, then encourage her to speak to a therapist about it. I know you said she would never consider medication, but maybe she doesn't need it. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to, someone who can give her tools to cope with her pain and grief. Another option would be checking into grief support groups in her area. These groups are a great source of comfort and support...she will be surrounded by people who understand the intensity of the pain that she's feeling right now and will have the support of those who have worked their way through it so that she can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. \n\nFunny thing about grieving...we all do it differently, yet no one does it wrong.
347820
You should feel the way you feel, and not how anyone else tells you to feel.  That's the only possible answer. If you worry about a lack of feeling upon this persons death, you must understand the psychological shock of such an incident.  It takes time to come to grips with it. If you were truly close to this person, the grief and pain WILL come-believe me.  The most important thing is not to repress it.  You must let it come, you must grieve, and you must deal with it.  Don't ignore it, or bottle it up.  Let yourself feel it.  To ignore it is to harm yourself, and disrespect the memory of your lost one. God bless, and my condolences.
44099
It's still very soon...don't put too much pressure on yourself.\nWhen my mom dies, I expect to pretty much die as well...you're still alive, so you're not doing so badly. \nMy friend lost his mom a year ago, and it's still hitting him very hard...you can wait it out, talk to a therapist, maybe try an anti-depressant if you think it's too much to handle.
1072709
My Grandma passed away 6 yrs ago on the 6th of July.......her Bday is June 30th......every yr since she has left.....I go to her gravesite....bring her fresh flowers & just sit for an hr or so....although some people would say I am bonkers.....I talk....I tell her everything....even though I know she is with me on a daily basis....& sees all that is going on....I still do this....it makes me feel like she is really there.....even though I walk away crying...& missing her even more....I know that it something we enjoyed together.....my Grandma was a VERY special woman....I miss her everyday & sometimes just break down & cry whenever I think of her.....I just thank god she was able to meet my daughter before she went....my son was 2 & my daughter was 1 when it happened.....Honey, I know it is hard when it is a Parent.....she was like a mom to me.....just go spend some time with him....pray & remember every good time....even remember the bad times.....just celebrate him.....GOD BLESS YOU in your time of need....
977386
No, I think it's a part of the whole grieving process.  When I lost my dad, I went through months of clinging to my mom and wanting to talk to her every day, etc.  The reality of losing your parents is what is scaring you; not you dying.  I'm sure you're sick of people telling you that it will get easier...honestly, it will.  I feel for you because of the holidays and all...it will be rough, but you will get through it.  Take care!
158689
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  It's so hard when a parent dies.  My Dad just died last month.  My cousin told me that the first 2 weeks would be the hardest and he was right, but it may be different for everyone. Personally, I got so much strength from remembering him as the great person he always was. Think of all the wonderful memories and ways that you admired him. Everyday you'll find happy little reminders of him and that will help to ease your pain. Of course everyone needs a mourning period but it doesn't have to be a totally dark experience. Take time to remember the lighter parts of life you had with him.  I found that keeping myself busy helped me a lot too.  Please remember that he would want you to remember these times and to live the rest of your life as he would have lived his.  I hope this helps your transition.
513429
Only thing that I can tell you is take it one day at a time. I just lost someone too so I know the feeling. I can't say it's going to get better but it will get easier. It is OK to cry and know that the one that you lost is still with you even in death and they are also watching over you. Cat it will be OK in do time just ask God to take away the pain and then you will see that you will start to feel better one day at a time. God Bless You and I'm sorry for your lost.
1144154
It is very hard, I lost my dad in 1977 and my mom in 1991. It hurts for a long time, you have this gap in your life that can never be replaced. In situations or gatherings of friends, it is rough at the beginning, especially when friends still have their parents. If you become uncomfortable with your friends, take a breathier and find something that will keep your mind off of losing a parent. Your love for your parents will always be in your heart. Remember those special memories you have of your parents, and hold onto those memories forever. That is what keeps you going. You will still think of them for years to come, on their birthdays, holidays, and family gatherings. Little things bring reminders of what your parents had done in that situation, and you find yourself doing what they had done. Take care and I hope I helped you a little.
689841
I was 9 when I lost my mom. Not an important event goes by without me thinking of her and missing her. Im 28 and sometimes I get mad at HER for not being here for things like her grandchildren or to give me advice. It DOES get easier. I say this because the pain only goes on for so long then you adjust to it. Pain will be there it just won't be as horrible as it seemed in the beginning. I just hope to see her someday when its my time. It sucks more than anything in the world to lose a parent. My advice is n to see a counsler or better yet find others who have lost parents and share stories and tears if need be. Your on a good start here finding others. Maybe there is a loss support group in your area. I didn't like the counslers when I was younger due to the fact we had no connection. They didn't lose their mom but wanted to talk to me about my loss. Good-luck and keep your head up. Remember God doesn't give us more then we can handle (sometimes it feels like it)