Since the day he was born no bond with my son, what wrong with me?  Help?
348114
I am really sorry that you feel the way you do. I love both my children very much. It honestly does seem like you need a professional to help you connect with your reasons why you don't have the motherly feelings for your youngest son. I am pleased to hear that you tried to get help but my heart aches for you that you couldn't find a caring individual to help you deal with your feelings. No matter what you do your family isn't going to understand your pain and your sorrow. Saying that you feel you can't get close to him and the fact that you don't want to try shows that you do have some feelings for him, not as a mother but as a human being...you don't want to hurt his feelings. I have always found that the best thing to do when family gives you advice is to take it and do what you want with it. If you are interested in attempting to connect with the feelings that you probably have that are dormant within you now that you and he are older you may want to try again finding a counsler to help you with what you have locked up deep inside. Even if you find that you cannot love him as a mother loves her children, at least treat him like a human being.....with kindness and gentleness, the same way you would treat a stranger. That at least might make things less rocky between you and him and your family. Do what is best for you and your son and I wish you all the luck and support that I can via the computer.
799258
I don't know what I can say that will help you but I can reassure you that you are not the only one. My ex disappeared for the first 6 yrs of my son's life and then reappeared acting like he was the best dad in the world. He constantly contradicts what I say (ex.: my son has dental sealants and can not have sticky candy because it will rip them off but he insists my dentist is a head job who doesn't know what she is talking about, he also tells him he doesn't have to listen to the stupid things I say, that my son doesn't have to be responsible for anything -he's 10, and so on). He also created a tape using one of his friend's to play for my son. The contents consisted of this impersonator telling my ex that I did not love my son, I did not want my son, my ex could keep my son, etc. My ex also has no problem with my son seeing pornographic materials lying about his household. My son told of this and more to a Children and Youth Services agent who told me even though what my ex was doing was inappropriate it was abuse. Now for the grand finale, I stopped my ex from seeing my son for 3 months because he informed me he moved back in with his child molesting mother whom my son was to have no contact with and while the investigation was taking place and I was trying to modify the custody arrangement. During this time he filed contempt charges against me, initially sending to the wrong address (one that didn't even exist) so I missed the first hearing. I later received a visit from a constable telling me if I didn't go to the next one I would be sentenced to jail. I had proof that he sent it to the wrong address before we had the hearing. At the hearing my ex couldn't decide where he was living or for what amount of time, stated I had denied him my son longer that occured, and brought forth info that his mother was recently forgiven for molesting her sons (my ex and his brother). The judge decided that he knew my ex had lied about the extended time but I was also in the wrong because I should have known (even though I lacked the resources to find out and frankly my ex should have informed me since he knew, I forgot we are still supposed to wipe their asses even after we are no longer together) that his mother was forgiven for her most heinous act and that he was no longer living with her. Never mind the fact that we had contact since I stopped letting him take him  and my ex could have mentioned it, never mind the fact that my ex couldn't even figure out where he was living, and never mind the fact that not once did I tell my ex he could not see him, that he could not take him, I WAS STILL IN THE WRONG. I was in the wrong for trying to protect my son. My fiance summed it up nicely, the courts are currently favoring the men. The court does not take the child's welfare into consideration just what they want as they are deciding.
630954
Son, take your time, it will happen one day. If it really concerns you, please find someone to talk to, your dad, or a school counciler, or and adult friend. I know at your age, it is a big deal, please find someone to talk to.
702624
hi moll.  i'm so sorry for the way that you feel.  and i do wish i could make it better, but i can't.  i can offer you this though it may not help much right now.  sometimes when parents have a "special" child, they feel guilty. whether or not it could or couldn't have been prevented.  unfortunately, the guilt they feel, not only punishes them, but all those involved.  your brother included.  the only advixe i can offer is that you hang in there girl!  try to talkt o your parents, or the one parent who seems more receptive.  maybe you wanna ask or volunteer to participate in things with your brother and parents?  you sound like a sensitve person, and i'm sure your parents love you.  they may feel that you are better equipped to deal with less attention because you are "normal", though i don't personally believe that is true.  all children need, want, and deserve attention... maybe just in different ways.  find someone you can talk to, that will listen and hear your feelings.  i'll put you in my prayers.
1041442
As you mentioned it's possible that he may not be checking his messages.  Also, I was wondering how old he is....kids sometimes go through a self absorbed faze.  \n\nI would give it some time.  It would be good for you and your other children if you could go on w/ your life while you wait for you son.  I don't know you're situation w/ him, but I feel as long on we're on this earth, there is hope.
1181713
I'll go out on a limb and presume that your son is already medicated.  He needs therapy NOW.  If you have health insurance, contact them to find out who they contract with to  handle mental health needs.  Then contact that organization and get your son scheduled with a child psychologist who specializes in Bi-polar kids and you'll need a psychiatrist as well to prescribe for him.  If he is currently medicated, he may need a change in dosage or even in medication.  In the meantime, if it's at all possible, designate one room in your home as the "safe" room.  Remove all objects that could injure or be picked up and thrown.  Your son obviously cannot have his way all the time.  So when this happens, get him into the "safe" room and use yourself as a human straight jacket -- come from behind him, get him down onto the carpet and grab his wrists and cross his arms with your own.  Use your legs to immobilize his, if you are able.  If there is a father in the house, this will be easier for him to do.  Keep your son immobilized.  He will scream, he will yell, he may even curse.  Ignore all this.  Keep up a steady stream of soothing words in a low voice.  Continue doing this and he will eventually refocus and be able to calm himself.  This is tiring for parents but it works.  Good luck.\n\nOkay, I'm seeing that your 7-yr-old also has a behavior problem, which prompts me to ask has your 11-yr-old actually been screened for and diagnosed with Bi-polar or did you decide this?  And there is no father in the house.  However, your kids, both of them, and you need family therapy ASAP.   I now believe this is a parenting and behavioral problem rather than a psychological/medical one.  It may be a result of the divorce.
1181519
If he treats you badly , he doesn't have any respect for you and with no respect there can never be a solid relationship between two people.  You should however maintain a "friendship" for the sake of your son but if I were you I would  focus on something other than being with him. I understand that you still love him and break ups are sometimes hard to get over but if he has already moved on than that should tell you that the amount of love and respect he has for you is very little if not non existent. You need to set your standards higher in your next relationship because you deserve someone that will love and honor you and when you do find the man that treats you like a queen you will think back to him and realize that he wasn't worth the love that you felt for him. Remain civil with him for your son's sake and never , ever show him that you are weak.
206872
http://prisontalk.com/forums/index.php\nSomeone here will be able to guide you through this silly maze and help you reestablish contact with your son.\nGood luck.
80569
Wow I can't believe that first answer. If you guys used to have a close relationship with him, and now you don't, that is awful and heartbreaking. Obviously she doesn't want you to talk to him because you have an obvious right to really dislike her, if not worse. I would definitely try to talk to your son, and when you can, explain to him how much it hurts and that you can't understand why he is treating you like this for her. Hopefully he is just in a happy phase, will wake up and realize how dumb he is, and will then return? And dump her? I'd try that first... just don't call him 10 times a day... that can be awful...
523923
None of that would help.  Stop being a jackass and love your son for who he is.  And be grateful that he got his personality from his mom's side of the family.\n\nIf it makes you feel better, I'm sure your son will one day have more luck with the ladies than you ever have, you pig.
791480
Hes confused and lost my dear. Somthing is troubling him, most likely something from his childhood, maybe his parents beat him a little, it could be a number of things. If you love him then you dont hate him, you just hate the way that he is, talk with him, dig a little but take it slow. Find  out whats going on in that brain of his! Good luck, God bless
770629
Well CookieMonster my advice may not be that ethical but I would suggest that you enroll your son in some sort of self defense course.  As a parent and previous kid yourself you most certainly must realize that if you get too involved that it will only work against your son and he will get the beats more often.  It is very sad that he was beaten so badly that he had to be hospitalized and I would hope that the school he attends has a zero tolerance on violence and that any child who becomes physically or emotionally abuse towards another is suspended.  My advice for self defense course is because it will help to build your sons self esteem as well as better prepare himself in case of future attacks.  He might really enjoy taking boxing lessons and actually get to meet some new friends also.  I cannot speak of this other young man who is suppose to be a friend and whether or not he set your son up, but if he did then it would be wise for your son to stay away from him also.  But if he is sitting with one of the bullies as a measure of his own self preservation then he just isn't mature enough at present to understand the meaning of being a true friend.  Hopefully by involving the police in this latest incident you have somehow put some fear into these others who might want to attack your son and so this will cease and desist.  Kids can be very mean and think they are so tough by beating on younger or weaker kids.  But Karma has a way of balancing things out and hopefully in time they will learn that what they have done has consequences.  Best of luck to you and I hope that your son is going to be alright and gets many well wishes from his real friends while he is in the hospital.
1087103
Ooh...what a mess! Ok, first, should have waited a little longer to cohabitate. Now that makes it hard on you, your boyfriend and your son. All things in due time, my dear. Next, I do have some good news here...you'll probably always love your son's father in some small way because he shared with you an experience no one else has, which is creating your child together. This will change with more time, though I can't say if your feelings for your boyfriend will change. I loved my ex dearly but he wasn't in love with me. He accidentally got me pregnant and we both decided it was for the best for me to have an abortion. We're still great friends ever since we broke up, but that will always tie us together, even though no one else knows what truly bonded us. It took me time but I didn't move on until I was really ready and it sounds like you did. You're also really young and you already have a child so a lot of this could stem from those early 20's feelings of newfound independence and sowing wild oats. Only you can decide. Take some time for yourself and figure out what it is you really want. Once you clear your head, you might realize you do love this man, or you might soundly be able to declare to yourself that you don't. Remember that love takes time to build and establish, and you haven't been with this new guy for too terribly long. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.
1002633
I have had a similar problem because my husband died when my son was 10 years old--maybe it was even worse, because my son wanted to be the "man" in the house.\n\nFirst and foremost, if your son is on some kind of drug, then punishment will not work at all--you will have to take more drastic steps.  Before you take any steps, sit down with your son and talk to him---not about drugs/alcohol, but ask him what exactly is bothering him so much that he feels the need to fit in with the crowd.  Maybe that will lead to a more in depth discussion on why he chose to do drugs.  Because, as you can imagine, once he realizes his own problem, there is a chance to fix it.  Just keep in mind that he is a teenager, they will not listen to our preaching, they do feel invincible, they feel they are in control---"it can't happen to me" kind of thing.\n\nIf you can get your son to talk about what is bothering him, the next step would be to involve his father, because it is important to decide togherther on what to do next and how to go about the rest.\n\nSince I did not have a husband any longer I decided to find a parenting support group.  That's where I got a lot of help and that might help you too.  Bringing my problems to this group helped me inasmuch that I was able to change the way I approached my teen, and it also helped me find solutions.\nI enrolled my son in a counseling program and with the help of the counselor decided that it was best to have my son admitted to a hospital for children who resorted to alcohol and drugs.  My son was able to communicate with other children about his problems, got good counseling there, and made the decision that drugs were not for him.  He was uptset that I put him there, but I dealt with that, because the most important thing to me was that my son got all the help necessary out there and it was worth every penny spent, because he is totally away from drugs, was able to join the military, is married now. So when considering your options consider that IF he is on drugs, he will not be able to get out of that alone.\n\nIf he is not seriously on drugs---a drugtest will reveal that(and depending on your insurance it might even be paid for by them), then I really would suggest that you look for a parenting support group to get support and good ideas on how to deal with your teenage son.  I went to a group called Parents Anonymus, I have no idea if they still exist---if they don't, then you might consider starting a group of your own.  The support is important.  Teenage boys in particular are too often thinking that they are a man and do not need our guidance and advice.  Whatever you do, consider that punishment might only be temporarily.  \n\nAnother thing I did was enroll my son in karate---he told me years later that this really helped him to let off a lot of steam.  Teenagers want to have some sort of control, they don't have it because they are still under our care, so they do get very angry when we decide that something is not good for them, and then they do that very same thing, just to defy us.\n\nLastly, I did hear a report on the news not so very long ago that the reaction of teenagers is also hormone related.  Once they are in puberty, there is a constant up and down because their hormone input is not regulated by the brain yet.\n\nI do not know if this helped you, but I sure hope so and wish you the best of luck.
742482
theres definately something more behind that.  usually fathers and sons have weird relationships and do vie for the mothers attention but there seems to be some reason he resents his father.  \nmaybe its how his father acts towards him?  is he abusive, cold, etc?  do you talk bad about his father in front of him, or do others?  \ntheres a lot of reasons this may be happening and the only true way to figure this out is to talk to your son.  sit your son down when there are no distractions and ask him why he doesn't like being with his father and try to get to the root of this problem...then take it from there.
517883
Oh My God, that is a terrible and sad story. I really wish that I knew what to tell you or at least had some good advise. Being kicked out of my girlfriends house just a few months ago, I can relate to some of what you are going through. You will have hard times and sadness for a long time no doubt. But believe it or not, it does get easier as time goes by. That does not help you right now I know, and for that I am also sorry. There really isnt anything that I can tell you or that anybody can tell you really that will ease your pain and suffering. But for sure you need to keep your head about you and do whatever it takes to get you and your son through this horrible time in your life. I can be your e-mail pal/friend if you want, and again I wish I had some quick-fix remedy. Keep your chin up. (smile)
224584
It sounds like he does need help, sooner than later. You can find low-cost mental health services by contacting your County Department of Social Services, or the Department of Mental Health, the phone numbers should be listed in the phone book.\n\nOnce you find a therapist or counselor in your area, they should be able to help you find the best way to get your son to come and speak with them without him feeling seriously hurt or offended.