i jus found out my husband used to go to strip clubs before our marriage.( that is before i knew him)?
351348
he's being honest with you, now you know he doesn't keep anything from you, that's a very comforting feeling . i know it sucks that he used to go to strip clubs in the past but he doesn't anymore. in relationships one of the best things is honesty and he's giving that to you...=o)
803808
You have got to get past this issue.  It is NOT healthy.  He can not change his past, it isn't going to magically go away.  But I would place fair bets he barely ever gives those other women a moments thought.  He chose you, he is with no one else but you now, and he LOVES you and you alone.  If you do not somehow move past this you could start acting out in anger towards him and in the process push you husband away.  You don't want that, I don't want that for you.\n\nIf you can't come to terms with it by yourself, then you need to seek therapy.  For yourself and for the overall health of your marriage.\n\nedit - Your anger stems from jealousy which in turn stems from fear.  You are afraid (most likely) that you are not good enough or not as good as them.  Truly, seek professional help.
717985
cheating was wrong. and you were right to make him earn your trust back. But i would not get to bent out of shape about porn. It IS just looking with no personal contact. Besides 90% of men in America look at porn, the Internet is just a new way to get it instead of buying magazines in a store. But if you are really uncomfortable as you sound i would seek couples counseling to see what is going on. It will help more than you know.
65798
You should be concerned that your husband lies to you.\n\nYou should be concerned he chats with girls on webcams.\n\nHe does both...do the math.
445759
There really no such thing as little white lies, a lie is a lie no matter what way you look at it. He is becoming good at lying. You thinking its a little white lie, is helping cover up his actions. The people he is hanging out with could be other women, since he lies about it anyway. If you are loosing your trust in him from his lies, than how can you trust the marriage. Let him know that you love him and let him know that he needs to come clean with you or your going to separate, not divorce. But, being separated from him may make him realize what he has at home. It will also improve your feelings for him. Right now its confusing, please don't keep making excuses for him. Cause those lies will become an everyday thing for him.
1019504
I think you and hubby need to have an open, honest heart to heart. When he complains about your "cool" behavior tell him, it's easier for you to be more attentive and affectionate when he is treating you with the same loving care. It is possible that he has some under lying problems that he needs to talk about, there may be some changes that he is looking for in the relationship....Just go to him and listen with an open mind. Find out what both of you are missing from the relationship, and make good effort to be sure to do those things...spend some one on one time with each other, doing things you both enjoy, maybe even discover a new hobby together....enjoy loving each other again. We all hit rough patches in our marriages, we just have to work through them.\nGood Luck....you can email me if you need someone to talk to .\n\n\n**** wanted to add after seeing all the cheating answers that yes, they might be a possibility, but I think there would be other signs if that were going on....and This type of behavior doesn't always equal cheating!! Like I said he might just want a little change in the relatioship, or have other problems he needs to work out or talk about.  **** DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS that could make matters worse, but keep your eyes open. ****
116781
Wow, I'm so sorry about that.  I think you should consider your feelings for him carefully.  If it were me, I think I would call off the wedding if you were planning on getting married soon.  You definitely should confront him on this but before you do, I would try to find out if he's done something like this before and if he has indeed cheated.  You can try going through his email and his cellphone/pda/dayplanner, etc. to look for numbers that don't look familiar.  It's a shame that you have to go snooping through his personal things but if he's cheating, he could be gambling with his and your life because of STDs etc.  Best wishes to you.  Your mind and heart will help you do the right thing.
449854
tell your boyfriend to buy the 2006 calendar in case he forgot that we're in the 21st century. It's totally cool for you to go clubbing. A club isn't just a hook up place it's also a way for u to unwind through dancing, drinking and chatting with your friends. \n\nAs long as you're not picking up guys or giving them your number or letting them write their number on ur bra, it's totally cool and guilt free to go clubbing. \n\nI don't think that the clubbing is the problem at all. Don't feel guilty to want to have fun. you need to have your alone time too even married girls need alone time and girl times. explain that to him. i think the problem really is his trust. He doesn't trust u enough in a setting wherein there are lots of guys around for u to pick. \n\nYou might be able to resolve this by taking him clubbing once or twice. show him that the club doesnt have to be a threatening place that it's actually fun and can be fun for both of u.
1129849
I was a bartender in a strip club for a few years. only so much can happen. \n Hes gonna be put on stage, a bunch of girls are going to dance around him, and he'll get a t-shirt.  big whoop. \nIf you think hes going to cheat on you with a stripper, you shouldn't be marrying him.  no trust-no relationship.\nwhile I do think that his best man is extremely insensitive, hes being a guy.  Its  what guys think they are supposed to do for the groom.  its almost a tradition. ....as sad as that sounds. \nand your FH isn't exactly arguing with him.  He wants to do it,  let him do it.  Then go plan your own.   Relationships ARE give and take right?
281746
Yes honey I went threw the same thing..and guess what..I'm been married to that man for 6yrs now..Very happily..the first year was very rocky but we made it threw..Every time he would stare at other women I would walk out on him..then finally I embarrassed him by standing up one day looking at him and her and told him " if you wanna ask her out so bad go for it" and walked out..Mind you we was in a restaurant. You should have seen his face..Finally after sometime he started seeing how he was making me feel and I wasn't' going to take it anymore. I stared at fine men and made comments and watched how he reacted. Things started changing..But keep in mind if you don't want him to gawk at other women you have to keep him happy with food and of course in the bedroom..One more thing...Its okay to look at the menu just don't try to purchase or taste anything..k
244799
like a fool i took mine back and we were married a week later, but i still find it hard to trust him. even tho hes the one who told me he was cheating. we have been married for 2 years now and together 6 and so far he hasnt done it again ( that im a ware of) if i had it to do over i would have left him.
1130673
Well, hon, unfortunately you are trapped in a self created mess and you will have to face the consequences of your actions when they are revealed. Do I think your husband knows? Of course he knows! He may not know about it in concrete, factual terms, but he knows something is going on based on your actions, behavior and the subtle clues you've left behind. Unfortunately, when we are thrust into the throes of lust and passion, even though we tend to think we are being secretive and subtle about it, we aren't. In fact, we are screaming it across a loudspeaker. How? By the way we dress, act, and so forth. According to a private investigator I know, 98% of the partners of people that are having affairs KNOW that this is what is going on because they have "intuited" it. Thus, your hubby is asking probing questions to verify what he senses in you. It is possible however, and you need to be aware of this, that others have seen you with your lover, and may have reported it back to your husband. Again, as subtle and as cool as we think we are, we aren't. People watch.\n\nDo I think you should confess? Yes I do. This is risky because he may become so hurt and betrayed by your actions he may file for divorce, but this is a chance you have to take. Remember, as an adult you have to be responsible for your actions in life, and you have to sometimes pay the consequences for your actions. He may want to divorce you, or maybe he won't. In fact, he may want you to go for marriage counseling together to work it through. But you won't know this for sure until you carefully and sensitively discuss this with him. \n\nChances are he is going to want to know why you did this and you are going to have to look deep within yourself to find the root causes of your actions. You absolutely must take ownership of your actions, and apologize accordingly. You can't change the past now, but you can remedy it by acknowledging what you did and taking action to resolve the problem, build trust again with your partner, and forgive yourself. Look within. On the surface many of us venture into affairs because we want a different kind of attention from another man than what we are getting at home. Sometimes, we are drawn to someone because they possess something that our partner doesn't and we find it captivating. Sometimes we want to spice up our lives and have a bit of adventure, just as you said. But usually the root cause of our actions, beneath the excitement and forbidden nature of it all, is that we feel unappreciated, unloved, and undervalued by our partners and think - hope really -that someone else will give that to us. What we want, in effect, is a boost to our low self esteem, which is something we can garner from within ourselves rather than having to get it from outside sources.\n\nThe bottom line is simple: You are going to have to face the music, hon. I know you are scared of this, but maintaining a secret will create a larger wedge between you. This is far more damaging to a relationship because relationships must be built on honesty and trust, and without that, you have nothing. Relationships with secrets are doomed to fail because secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And finally, unresolved issues between the two of you will affect not only your marriage, but your kids as well, and that isn't fair to them.\n\nI wish you good luck.
921431
I would be more concerned about why your Husband told you in the first place, could it not be that your Husband is lying, I am not saying he is, but you have to look at it from both sides, and try to rationalize everything, Men do sometimes lie about this type of thing, to make their partners jealous
747273
I wouldn`t worry about it.   Thats one of the several ways this could have turned out.  It could have turned nasty, it could have turned out right for you, it could even have been a disaster for you and your husband.  Just be thankful that that was the only consequence of the truth you told
1055647
I guess that really all depends. What value is there in your partner knowing how many previous partners you've had - as long as you and he are both clean? Traumatic events, in my own opinion, if you think that your past traumatic events could create some problems in your relationship, then it might be best to consider whether or not you and he are meant to be BEFORE indulging him in your entire past. The only reason I say this is because you'll need to trust him completely, and he shouldn't be frightened away by what you've been keeping. Though I'm sure sharing the information would give you some sens of relief, he might become more afraid to engage in certain activities with you knowing your emotional past. Not only that, but what if he leaves you not long after, and were to share this information with others? Childish - yes, but you need to watch out for number 1 first - That number 1 is YOU! Good luck! I hope it all goes well!
869194
I totally understand how you feel. My ex gave me his computer (not expecting me to accept) and I hooked it up and found out that he and his girlfriend were swingers! There were all kinds of pictures of them doing it.. NASTY! I thought I knew him.\nI brought it up and he acted like it was nothing, just mad that I kept the computer. If I were you, I would want to know if he was sleeping with men when you were married. You don't have to show how shocked you are, ask him.
346491
Look, you knew he was going.  He married you didn't he?  That bachelor party was only one night.  He is going to spend the rest of his life with you.  I'm sure he loves you and you need to get that party out of your head, if not it will hurt your relationship.\nGood Luck!