Does it ever feel like your choice of bf/gf is a tradeoff between rational and passion?
352981
I used to think that it was one way or the other. But after considerable experience I think the passion is the product of the desire of the two people. If you are in love (which to me implies that you are best of friends) and you nurture that love and work to be that couple, the energy that you've invested resurfaces as passion.  I think that the reward for investing your self in the couple this way is intense passion, and though it is scary to give of yourself in this way, it is the only way to achieve real passion, ie that isn't sourced in lust or infatuation.  If all you have is lust and infatuation, you'll notice the passion going away when the infatuation period wears off.
1114691
To qualify as bi, you'll have an attraction for both.  What you've got to determine is whether that attraction is stronger for one or the other.\n\nThen you've got to find a partner with whom you are so in love and to whom you are devoted.\n\nThe thing is that your partner may not be of the gender to which you thought you had the strongest affinity.\n\nThe point I'm making here is that if you are bi there is little point in analysing and rationalising.  Throw love into any situation and rationality evaporates.\n\nAn earlier respondent suggested why not both?  They're right if, and only if, you find partners of a certain temperament, where all three of you have emotional strength and resilience.  It is hard enough to work at sustaining a relationship with one person but at least the dynamic is a closed one between you two only.  Bring in a third person and the dynamic becomes much more fluid and you'll never truly be a part of the relationship dynamic between the other two participants (what they feel for each other is different to what they feel for each other through you).  \n\nI answered a similar question before and I went on to relate the anecdote of the two couples who (I believe) lived apart but had dedicated each to the other - one of them used to use a .sig in his posts that said "this is my husband and these are my two wives" - a quartet! Now that's inspiring.\n\nIn summary, let your bi-nature take it's course.
723354
Yeah I think I have a borderline attachment disorder! lol. I have commited in the past, it's just that I don't want to at the moment. I value my freedom and my life so much, that it would take someone very special for me to want to settle down and sacrifice all that.\n\nYou just have to be willing to make a few sacrifices, and able to drop the fear that goes along with commitment.\n\nGood luck :)
541989
I think everyone who is committed feels like they want to be free sometimes.  You have to realize that you are committed and before you go to someone else you have to end what your in the middle of FIRST.  Being in a relationship is worth it but you have to work hard at it.  AND BE FAITHFUL.
313967
Hmm.. i'm good looking, smart and well mannered as well. Trust have always been a problem for me, since my gf broke up with me for another guy (LD) and then my next gf slept with one of my best friend. \n\ni'm now focusing on my career and promised my self not to force myself in to a relationship just for the sake of a relationship.. \n\nI sometimes feels lonely but then again, it's more sexual than emotional.. i don't think anything is missing since i try to write what is my goals and match it with my current situations. \n\nTry to identify, where are you now and where do you want to be. sometimes putting something in writting is good since it helps you see clear of things you didn' know exist. I hope this helps, but if it doesnt Dog's do help...
676823
well i understand the feeling that u have but my bf says just be urself if u do the exact same stuff like this guy that does everything if u were going out wit him life would be boring cuz u r doin the same stuff over and over again everyday.when life is boring than there will be a big heart break at the end!!!trust i kno wat im talking about!!!
973743
One of the things we learn about relationships - to our dismay - is that the passion DOES wane.  Yes, you still love your partner and you want to be with them, but the days of feeling that electricity in the air are, for the most part, over.  You have to choose, then, what is more important to you - the excitement and discovery of being with a new person all the time, or the stability and true bonding of a long-term relationship.\n\nIt's something we've all had to deal with, and it's always just a little sad to realize that no, you can't have both...
574683
Sounds to me that you dont need to make a choice.  They're your friends.  If you had 2 girlfriends, would you need to choose only one of them as well?
1155902
It feels like many different things.  It can be exciting and romantic and beautiful.  Its wonderful being with somebody you care so much about.  but being in a relationship is also very scary and nerve racking.  Its about giving up a part of yourself for somebody else.  Its about going into the unknown and hoping they dont break your heart or you dont break yours.  Basically sometimes in relationships you have to be willing to take a chance.  It may turn out good, it may turn out bad.  You never know.
112240
I spent the summer working on a yacht in the South of France years ago. I was going out with a girl on the next yacht. We had a great summer.\nAt the end of the season I went to visit her in the UK & found out that her family were loaded.\nWe lasted another couple of weeks. Maybe I felt out of my depth, dunno. Just didn't want to stay with her.\nWhen you find true love it will punch you in the stomach & squirt Mace in your eyes. It will not matter whether they're rich or poor. I wish my wife was rich, but she's not. I still would not swap her for the most beautiful, rich woman in the world.
1150786
It sounds like right now you shouldn't choose either.  You need to take some time to yourself and figure out what you really want. Otherwise you're going to end up getting hurt or hurting them in the process.
236848
I think that people want bf's and gf's just cuz it makes them feel loved and it makes them feel like they are worth something. I am one of these people. People love the fact that they can be with someone and feel the love of another person outside their family. Companionship and happiness. That's the best way to put it.
51297
You know, I believe that at one point I did. Though, I don’t know if it is age or my standards but it is harder to find a person to be excited about. I prefer to put the burden on other people and say that the pickings are slim around Boston. That way everything with me is perfectly fine. \nBut, yes, that feeling has been there before. It has just become a memory when it comes to a woman.
493413
I sort of not like having a bf. People are so complicated and dishonest these days that it is hard to know who to trust. Right now I only have one person to trust and that is God. I just trust one day that He will send me the right bf!...lol...God Bless You!
737846
obviously the ideal situation is when your mind and heart are connected with what you are doing\n\nbut what if they are not?\n\nmake a strong case for either side
540960
Optimally, neither.  But if I were forced to choose, I'd pick the one who loved me.  I'd be less likely to be taken advantage of.
313046
Try to use your brain to make a logical decision.  Are you really, for instance just lusting over this someone else?  Do you have a long-term committed relationship that you'll ruin by following your heart?  Or are these both people you've had some kind of relationship with and you simply can't decide.\n\nIf it's the latter, who will be better over the long term.  Sometimes we make choices based on short-term goals (like having a great sexual relationship) rather than long-term goals (like finding a kind person who will be committed to you).\n\nThink before you leap!