Is it rude for someone to have a wedding shower if the bride & groom are having a small destination wedding?
351240
You could change the bridal shower to a shiveree--that is a party after your return from your wedding and reception in Hawaii.   It is an old custom - used a lot in the American West and not much used at present.   The advantage is that you and all your friends and your new husband's friends  could meet and have a grand time together celebrating your marriage.  Shiverees are not limited to the brides' female friends.  The object here is not so much to get gifts but to celebrate the newly wed's life together.\n\nI think you are are quite right in not wanting a bridal shower.  Talk shiveree instead.   Best wishes in your marriage.
762131
no!  I totally wouldn't....you already got her a gift, which should totally sufice.  I absolutly detest it when people invite people to showers and not weddings....its like saying "hey, we'll sponge a gift off ya, but your not good enough to come to the wedding!"  How tacky!  I don't understand what the logic is when she can invite you to a shower to give her presents when she hasn't seen ya, but is gonna use the very same excuse not to invite you to the reception.  not cool at all.  You've done your share, let this one go!
53991
You ask each, in person and privately, if they will do you the great favour of standing up with you at your wedding as your bridesmaid or maid of honour.\nIt is an honour to be asked, but it is also a huge commitment of time and money, so if one of your friends feels she can't honour the obligations that come with that great compliment, she should be allowed to decline in private.\nBy the way, as for the wording, I LOVE Fizzxx's answer...that's beautiful.
792809
I don't know that it's "rude", but it is a bit curious if it happens all the time. I used to date this man who always did that and rarely stayed the night. I became suspicious and followed him one night. He was married. The cad!!\n\nFrom then on any guy who wanted to shower immediately only got to do it once! The snuggle, cuddle nap thing is mandatory. They can shower when they get home! LOL
526254
Why even go.  I mean, if you're friends with one of the people getting married, wouldn't it make MORE of a point not even to show up or send something mean?\n\nPlus, they get to save the cost of your plate that they'd otherwise waste on someone who doesn't support them.\n\nGrow up.
402908
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT THAT DAY. ITS YOUR WEDDING. I DID IT ON MINE AND NOT ONE PERSON SAID ANYTHING TO ME. IF THEY DO JUST SAY THAT YOU ARE NERVOUS AND TO MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS. ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. ME AND MY HUSBAND BOTH DID IT. MAYBE OTHER GUESTS OR MEMBERS WILL JOIN YOU
1104847
This is an outdated custom from before the time of instant communication.  It used to take a long time to travel to wedding and you might not have time to speak to the families and voice your objection before the actual wedding.
418640
NO! Dollar dances are tacky beyond words.\nA wedding guest should be able to attend a wedding reception without bringing a single dollar, not for the bar, not for a "wishing well", and certainly not to dance with the bride!\nA wedding reception is a celebration, not a charity benefit.\nThere is NO means of billing the guests that is at all socially correct.\nBesides which, a woman who accepts money to dance is usually found in a much racier environment and while I have nothing at all against strippers, I can't see why any sensible bride would want to emulate one at her reception.
372181
bridal showers for the family, yes\n\nbridal showers for friends, no\n\nand definitely not to the stagette
1047628
First of all, if they are going to be mean, they shouldn't bother showing up. It isn't the time for people to crawl out of the woodwork and be pains in the rectal orifices. It is about the bride and grooms special moment. Personally, I wouldn't invite anyone that wouldn't keep their disgruntlement to themselves. \n\nUnless you are close to the bride, no you shouldn't be offended if you aren't in the wedding. \n\nAs far as being nervous or having doubts, no, you care about your brother and you don't want to see him hurting, but you also have to remember that it is his choice who he chooses to marry. Familys always have opinions, it is when the whole family has bad opinions that you need to worry about it. Think about this: has she done anything to hurt him prior to this? How does she act when she is around him (like she is in love or just tolerating him because she has no better options)? \n\nRelationships have their ups and downs,  and there will be moments when they don't see eye to eye about some things. Marriages are the same ways. I can't think of much more to say about that. \n\nI wish them the best of luck. \n\nRelax, it is his choice.... and if you try to interfere, he may end up disliking you for it.
396467
It is always Best Wishes to the Bride and Congratulations to the Groom for a shower gift or when an engagement is announced.\n\nOn an wedding card Best Wishes or Good Luck. Never Congratulations.\n\nLeave congratulations for new babies or new homes or graduations etc...
914314
Mindbogglingly rude.  I hope you sent your regrets:  "Congratulations on the beginning of your new life with your husband.  I regret that I cannot attend, as I will be spending time with mine."\n\nI disagree with the suggestion to send an RSVP saying you'll both come.  If he wasn't invited, he wasn't invited.  You also can't ask her "did you forget to invite him?"\n\nWhen it's all over and some time has gone by, see if you can talk this out with her and whether she has an issue with your spouse.
329428
Is it similar to a wedding ceremony? If so then just go by that. If it is different you could still use one of them. I think that is really nice.
138252
I just went to a bridal shower and they had some cute activities that were fun -- and not embarrassing for anybody.\n\nBuy some cheap plastic wedding rings (the kind that are sometimes used to decorate favors). Give each woman a ring when they arrive and tell them if someone catches them saying the word "love" during the shower, they get the ring. At the end of the shower, whoever has the most rings wins a prize.\n\nBefore the shower, ask the bride for a word, associated with wedding, that starts with each letter of the alphabet. At the shower, give each woman a piece of paper with the letters printed down the side (and a pencil/pen). They are to write the word that they thought the bride said. Whoever has the most correct words wins.\n\nThis activity was a lot of fun, if you have enough women to participate. Divide them into groups of 4 or 5 and separate them. Then give each group 4 rolls of toilet paper, some ribbon, and some elastic bands (or anything you have handy). Each group is to pick someone to be the "bride" and dress her (using the toilet paper and ribbons) as they think the bride will look on her wedding day. The bride picks the team that she thinks did best and each member of the team gets a small prize. This is a great one as an icebreaker. Lots of fun. Be sure to have a camera ready!
941859
It doesn't look rude if you throw a baby shower for yourself. I would hold my own shower and not invite the mil.\n\nShe sounds rude and selfish.
693872
Guests should never be  Required to bring anything.\nYou are invited presumably because your Host likes you. \n\netiquette says you should send or bring a gift if invited to the Wedding  or the bridal shower.   \n\nIf  this is the first public event after the wedding. It would be nice if you brought a gift  but its not required.
138645
Yes and no...traditionally, as you already know, the groom's parents throw a party in honor of the engaged couple as a chance to signal their approval of the match and to introduce the prospective bride to their friends and family she hasn't yet met....not having that, in some areas, might give rise to whispers that there is some reluctance on the part of your prospective in-laws....so if his folks want to give you a party, for heaven's sake, let them!\nThere is nothing stopping you from arranging another celebration of the engagement, but I'd ask a few close friends to put the word around that presents are not expected because it's considered tacky to appear to be throwing a party to get more gifts...same reason you can't throw your own shower.\nGood luck and best wishes for a lovely wedding and a happy marriage.