I have fallen in love with a married man. Do I wait until my children have left home?
346000
Ma'am I know you are in love and that this will be hard to hear but, you will be waiting a lot longer than four years. If he has not left his wife yet, he never will.\nHe may have lots of reasons why he hasn't and may even tell you when he will divorce....but, bottom line is......... if he didn't love her and wanted to be with you, he would have left by now. You are worthy of having real true love with a man that does not have to be shared.
151130
this is tough. Your only get one soulmate in a lifetime. Both of you though have families. You said you live with your childrens father you didnt say husband or boyfriend so is it that you live together but you are not together? this is really something you and your soulmate need to dicuss if this is how both of you feel. It's a tough thing. You having to choose with taking care of responsibility to your children and he to his wife or do you stay true to your heart and be together  and get through everything together. It is really something both of you have to discuss. Sometimes a person makes a mistake and marries someone they may care for but who isnt their soulmate. So both of you do need to talk and decide what you will choose to do. It is a tough choice but that is also how you know if its meant to be because if this is something you can get through than you know you made it. I wish you the best and may you recieve your hearts desire.
1043616
I'm afraid you don't have any option here. If he's married then you should let him be married and find yourself someone else. You can't expect your MARRIED friend to return your feelings. If you consider yourself his friend, you wouldn't even think of breaking his marriage and even if you do, just remember the consequences and what goes around comes around. So if I were you, I'd save my feelings for someone who's not taken.
130135
You know what? you also mentioned you also love your husband, why don't you just work out on making your relationship with your husband better, and make him your best friend? Think of the past when you we're so much inlove with him, what you like about him! you have a child? Will the child be better in the future if you separate from your husband? Will it be comfortable with you to commit a sin?(well i guess you are legally married with you husband). The greatest happiness you can achieve in life is within the family! Love your family, it's the only thing that can last forever!!!! :-)
753327
You have quite a dilemma there and that actually happened to me .I was married and didn't love him anymore and didn't have the balls to tell him and looking back i wish i did . I could have saved us all alot of misery. If i could do it over I would've saved up some money and just moved out and left him. That's what you should do .Plan your next move financially and emotionally it will be easier for both of you .
384813
If it has been that long then you can feel free to date again. The only thing is I would not let my children met anyone until I was sure he was the right one. You are a free woman to do as you please/////////////////
828735
<sigh> I really can understand where you are coming from.  I was in a marriage for 15 years before I moved out.  I made a painful decision to leave my boys with my ex-husband because he was in the Navy; steady income and secure residence, whereas I didn't know what would be my plight if I took them with me.  I worked two jobs, saved my money and finally managed to move into my own apartment nearby.  The boys thought it was fun to visit me on weekends "to get away from Dad."  Things actually worked out for awhile.\n\nThe thing is, you have to look at your situation and see what it is you are financially, mentally and emotionally capable of.  The arguing is not good, especially if the kids get involved.  This is what motivated me most to leave my ex.  He and I were arguing over the most ridiculous things and it was affecting the boys.  I talked with them and asked them how they felt about my leaving, getting secure with finances and bringing them with me once I'd gotten myself "steady" and they told me I should do what I needed to do to be happy.\n\nI had family but I didn't want anyone to know my marriage was ending, so I did everything on my own.  It took time and sacrificing.  I did have one friend who supported me in my decision and was someone I could talk to, which helped me get through the frustration of an ending marriage.\n\nWhile you go through this, if you could find a local service that could assist you, try to avoid confrontations with him, even if it means your not going "out."  These battles will affect your children and someone should take precautions to avoid that as it is just unnecessary.  \n\nIn hind sight, I wish I had waited until my boys had graduated high school because now, they bring it up and hold me accountable for the things that have gone wrong in their early adulthood life.  I'm not telling YOU to wait.  You have to research this within yourself and make the best decision for both YOU and the children.\n\nI wish you the best - this is a hard road to travel and no one person has the answer.  Be patient - you will find that answer within yourself soon enough.
1142793
I am in your shoes as i type, I am married to a island man, and it was love at first sight, but I will be honest with you, you are going to miss your family like hell! I have no family where I am residing now, but once love is in the air that's all the matters.  I am very family orientated myself, my husband is not!  If you can get him to move where you are at good for you, but if not you just have to follow your heart like i did! Take care! IF YOU WANT TO TALK YOU CAN EMAIL ME SPORTINTAHOE07@YAHOO.COM
892267
Only YOU know what you and the kids went through.  \n\nAnn Landers has an answer for women in your situation.  It is "Are you better off with him or without him"?\n\nEvidently you still have feelings for him.  You and him DID have kids together. \n\nIf he was that bad, he probably already had women on the side.  If he laid out at night, late in coming home etc....you know.\n\nYou might should begin to make your own life.  First, divorce and child support, enforced by the courts.  Then began to make your life enjoyable and look for a better husband, IF you want to.  If he is now running wild and free, you are right, he is having fun, rid of you and the kids and letting it all hang out.  IF you hadn't kicked him out he would have drove you crazy and ended up leaving on his own.  You just made it easy for him.   Good luck.  Pops
684150
I say that you should go.  Things arent going to change with your husband, he can promise all that he wants to but they never do.  If you have found someone who cares about you and treats you good, then you deserve that happiness!!!
425360
Go with your heart. I am in a very similiar situation but we are madly in love with one another. If you are questioning whether you should move, you are not yet ready to do so.\n\nYou will know when the time is right.
494122
I can see this ending in tears.\nYou need to forget about him and move on. He has a baby with someone else, and you'll end up taking that baby's daddy away if you pursue him. His wife needs him, they have a family. If you want a family too, I am sure you will have one one day, just not with this man.\nPlease move on, don't be the home wrecker. Have some pride, move on, and realise that you are a beautiful person who doesn't need to be with someone else's man to make her feel like a woman.
1156093
it honestly sounds as if he wants you and his kids to get to know each other and maybe even bond which would mean he wants to move to the next level with you but as a parent he needs to make sure his kids are ok with you  if you really like this guy and want to be serious with him this is a really good thing  \nhowever it almost sounds as if the kids are his "baggage" in your eyes   you need to decide if you want to be a part of a ready made family  and if not maybe you should move on   because to a real parent the kids will always be first priority   can you handle that?
91116
I know from experience, messing with a married man is just heart break waiting for a place to happen. I am guilty of dating a married man on more than one occassion, and both times I was the one left alone and crying! Though it may not seem fair, it is true.... \nIf you truly feel that he loves you, tell him that you can not handle the stress any longer, and he needs to choose either you or her. Give him no more than 2 weeks to make his decision as you want to make sure it's one he won't regret. Then while waiting, sit and pray that everything will work out in your favor! During this wait also realise that you are not the first one to go through this, nor will you be the last! \nAlso realise that while you may not want to hear everything we say in this forum, that we are all speaking from our own life experiences, and that we do not want anyone to face the pain that we have suffered....\nI wish you luck, and pray that you pain is as little as possible!
1129099
You're so not an idiot!  You love someone, plain and simple.  My husband and I broke up before we were married for two years and I never stopped loving him.  I knew that we were going to be together again, despite what everyone else told me.  Now, 6 years later, we are happily married.  Never stop loving that person, no matter what.  Even if they dont come back into your life, the love you feel, and the pride that comes from that can never be taken away from you.  You own those feelings...enjoy them!
705596
I am a business man and travel a lot. I love my wife and our 2 kids with all my heart. The problem is that when you are away you get used to be alone. When i come home i feel very happy but at the same time it takes me about 1 or 2 days to get used to all the yelling, playing, running of the kids. The same with the affection my wife gives to me. I do not know is this is OK but happens to me.\nHope i give you some inside. Best wishes!!\n\nPS  Best to do: Give him space the first day, and everything will be fine.
251968
This really depends on the exact reason he left like the others said.  My opinion would be if you truly wanted him back.  No man should leave his family because he is having some personal life changing issue.  My husband and I have literally been to hell and back and not once have we ever walked out on each other.  The key is open communication.  You obviously didn't have enough open communication for him to just leave.  My husband and I talk through everything.  We always keep our kids in mind when making any life changing decisions.  Kids are too young to understand and more often than not will blame themselves for what has happend with their parents.  \n\nIf he comes back or more importantly, if you decide to allow him back after this, you both need to have a very long talk and seek some sort of counseling.  Either professional or through a church.  He seems to be too young to have to walk out or leave his family.  In my opinion, he either wasn't ready for his family, or he is too self centered to care about how you and the children would react to it.  You MUST have an open relationship!  For better or for worse!  Isn't that what you said when you go married.  He should have thought about that then.  \n\nYou shouldn't put up with it.  If I were you, I would have a change of life yourself.  Two can play the game.  Keep your head up and don't let this get you down.  Let him see you are not concerned with the fact that he is gone and that you are perfectly capable of doing it on your own.  I'm not saying it will be easy, but look at your kids and know that no matter what you will never leave them and you will be there for them until the day you die.  That will pull you through.  \n\nI pray for the best for you.  Good luck and God Bless Y'all!!