I am just recently divorced...why does the thought of dating sicken me???
348010
I think that most women go through what you are describing (I sure have!). It's almost impossible to imagine dating someone when you have just broken up with someone else. Especially if you loved that person, which it sounds like you did.\n\nThe answer is, dont worry about dating right now. Just take care of you and your girls and do what you can to make you happy. Take care of YOU for a change. The dating thing will come around eventually. There's no hurry. That isnt important right now. Just take it day by day.\n\nAnd when you ARE ready then opportunities will present themselves. There is no hurry, though. If you get upset thinking about dating again, then dont think about it. You'll be ok.
197625
Yep it is hard to get back out there after being with the same person for a long time.I Have been divorced for over 3 years separated for over 6.If you just got a divorce you probably should not jump right into a relationship.But is hard to be alone so find yourself some old friends and hang out.If you are interested in a certain type of activity hang out there and find people with same interests.I myself cannot wait for the racing season to start at the dirt tracks....And am looking forward to going to hang out and drive the go carts in cottage grove.So hang where you are interested like baseball game... and find someone female that is interested in same things and build from there.I am also from Minnesota. Good luck.
430948
Maybe you are afraid of commitment or maybe you just don't know yourself.  I suggest you take a break from dating and do some soul searching---how do I know because I am doing it right now--I have been so dependent on having someone there for me.  You need to start making yourself happy first (I am on a quest to do so as we speak).
1103626
This is a very long answer! I am sorry, but I had to write this! Bear with me....\n\nAs a woman who is 50 and who went through her own mid life crisis (and divorce and self reinvention) over the last ten years and  who felt very much as you do now, I would like to share some things that helped me to get out of negative self talk. I have learned how to view mid life as a wonderful time of growth, which got me out of a bad mind set.\n\nHon, the first mistake you are making is defining yourself and your personal value on whether or not you have a boyfriend or husband. You are not unique in this mindset. I did the same thing, but no one defines us or determines our self worth and value, EXCEPT ourselves. Thinking that a man will define your self worth and your placement in this world will only serve to make you depressed and feel as alone as you do now. The only person who defines you and your self worth is YOU. No one else can do this. Instead of thinking that someone else is responsible for definining you, LOOK WITHIN. You are a unique individual, with your own skills, gifts, ideas, mind and thoughts that make you who you are. If you only seek out men to define and complete you, you will feel alone, as you do now. You feel alone and empty because you are not looking within yourself to find the things that you possess to bring you self nurturance and self love - to define the woman you are now.\n\nMost women define and value themselves as complete when they have a boyfriend or husband because we are socialized by our families and the media to believe this is the case. We are taught that to be of value we must achieve the ultimate goal in life: to get married, have a family, own a house, and so forth. Those of us who decide to have a career, in addition to marriage, are taught that having "it all" makes us more worthy. If we choose not to marry or have kids, then something is wrong with us (although this is changing, thank god). If we wind up getting divorced, we are viewed as being failures and that because our marriages failed, we are not capable of having a relationship or worse, something is wrong with us. Married friends may shun us (or not), family members query us about whether or not we are dating, or if we will ever remarry, and as a consequence, we feel anxious and apart from society. We feel as if we are outsiders looking in. When we believe this, we feel lost.\n\nDivorce is hard, especially when you are in your mid forties and going through perimenopause. That adds to the confusion and the negative feelings we have. With hormones rising and falling, we feel different and are different in many ways. It is a time, generally - and without divorce - of questioning and assessing our lives, what we have accomplished or didn't, what we want to do in the future, and what changes we want to make. We fear aging and growing older, and dying too young or too soon. We fear the changes our bodies are going through. Our looks change somewhat and we feel old, ugly, less attractive. Even though this is a scary  and a weird time in our lives, we needn't feel this way. Experience and wisdom comes with age, and even if our bodies are not as firm as they once were, and even if we gain a bit of weight or have tons of gray hair, we are still beautiful. I feel better and more beautiful NOW than I did in my twenties and thirties! I may not be as thin as I was, but that is okay - I accept and honor the woman I am now. I receive the beauty I possess now with welcome arms and more confidence than I ever had before. Why? I accept the woman I am today. It gets better, really and you CAN GET THROUGH IT.  \n\nSome suggestions: One of the best things I ever did when I got divorced was to go to therapy with a psychologist who specialized in divorce. She also held a weekly group session (for an hour an a half) with her other female clients (6 or 7 of us) and we worked together on finding our paths AND releasing our hurt, and anger towa
729163
Let me think..... hmmmmmm   10 years ago I was "happily married" and planning to stay that way, so was not even considering dating ever again (other than date-night w/ hubby, and w/0 kids)\n\nNOW>....... separated a couple of years, been thru the .... "I'll never date, no-how, no-way,.... and am at the stage of thinking...........  maybe..... and starting to keep my eyes and ears open for possibilities.
613185
That is pretty tough to deal with.  I had something similar when I dated a neighbor for a time.  The best thing to do is try to move on.  Get out there and meet some new people.  The worst thing you can do is dwell on the ended relationship, it will only make you feel like crap.
833279
Great to be happy. :D  And remember, why do break-ups and divorces exist anyway?  It's like you've forgotten why you fell in love in the first place. *nods*
1153223
I did the same thing many years ago and we finally got back together after about a year apart and got married but ended up divorced before our 8th anniversary.   The problems that were there before were still always there, but I thought he would change and I was lonely and I hadn't gotten into another relationship.  He was my first love!   But 5 years after our divorce, I met a really wonderful man and we've been together now for 16 years and I can't even picture being with my ex anymore.  Sometimes a new relationship does the trick after you've had time to heal from the last.  I didn't think I could move on but I did and life has never been better!
156886
It's how you look at it.  Like yourself and screw everyone else.  It's "all about you".  Don't let others make you feel like your less than them,   "they are doomed to walk the earth without you", too.  I used to be married and that was the worst doom in my life.  Now I love being single and would have a hard time giving it up.  Our culture puts to much emphasis on that stupid word "dating"-------just be friendly and don't push relationships too fast, if at all.
820403
Hello:\n\nI would suggest that you are feeling depressed because you are dealing with a lot of stress and you have very little support in your life right now. \n\nI can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to deal with a divorce, and living so far apart from your child, on top of that dealing with a new job. \n\nIt is understandable that these feelings intensified on Thanksgiving, which is a holiday typically spent with family. \n\nI would suggest to you to start getting involved in the community. Volunteer at local organizations, join other local groups (besides the singles group) like a recreational sports team. These are easy ways to meet people and to develop friendships. Maybe there is even a local women's support group for divorced women?\n\nOnce you have some friendships, those people will be able to help you when you are feeling down. It also might help to see a therapist, to have someone to talk about these issues too. There was a point in my life when I was having a very difficult time dealing with stress, and I went to see a therapist every week for a few months. Just being able to talk about certain emotions I had made me feel so much happier and relieved, and I would suggest this to anyone who simply needs someone to talk to.\n\nI hope this helps, and good luck. Things will get better.
1009650
i can totally relate. i am the only single girl in a group of 10 girlfriends-they're all in long-term relationships and getting married. i haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, and in the past i've had my share of no-so-great men. but i'm happier alone than unhappy. we just have to realize that we are still young-we still have lots ahead of us and we will find that 4% of good men in this world to be good company with:)\n\nps i look at half of the relationships my girlfriends have and i'd rather cut off my foot than be in some of their positions, anyway. some are stuck with emotionally abusive/selfish men, selfish lovers, drinkers, or just herpes and scared to move onto another relationship because of fear of rejection (woo hoo! yeah, i'm sure your man isn't cheating, the disease just showed up!)... you name it.\n\ni'm sorry about your divorce and about how one man found it appropriate to break it off with you in a pretty cowardly way. i think time for you will wear things off a bit.. hang in there! you know you will end up with someone who is GOOD for you\n\ngod bless
809233
I asked myself that the last time I got my divorce. It doesn't mean that all guys are like that, because they are not. I guess you and I always find them first........lol! If your going through a heartbreak now, I am so sorry but it will get better with time. Don't ever let your guard down until you know he can trusted with your feelings. Good Luck, and have a Blessed Day.
1090216
The simple answer is trust.  You do not trust the opposite sex.  Weather the divorce was your fault or your spouses you blame them.  You could have been the lyingest, cheatingest, most absent spouse in the world, but you still look at it as there fault.  We as humans almost always want to play the victim.  Now if you were the one that was cheated on and/or abused or what have you, then you might want to look into some form of therapy.  Either way make sure that the new person you are dating is not just a rebound (yes, you can have many of them).  find someone who will make you truly happy in life, not just in bed.  Find a friend before you find a lover!  Later dater.
1090372
Because you have very low self esteem.  You can't trust your self and therefore you have a hard time trusting others.  Get help... or you will be divorced.
664789
Dude, you sound just like me. My wife left me last July.  We had been together for 7 years.  We didn't have kids, do you?  I think that might make a difference.  Anyway, I turned 28 2 days after the divorce was final.\n\nYou have every right to feel scared.  Since we were kids whenever we hooked up with our exwives, we never really went through the dating scene that you are about to enter.  I see that some of the peeps are advising you not to enter in to a relationship, but you arent asking about a relationship, you are asking about dating, gotta keep that seperated.  If you are anything like me, your world has stopped spinning and you are all sorts of messed up in the head.  Don't let that part of you bring down the rest of you.  For me, it was real freaking important psychologically to know that I could still pull tail.  Let me tell you, it was not that hard.  Just so you know, I am nothing special.  I aint Mr. GQ.  I aint some gym rat either.  I tell you that because I always see dudes our age at the bars all GQ'd out looking like they live in the gym and I never thought I could compete with that, well don't.  You don't have to.  You don't want the bar flies that chase those dudes anyway.  \n\nFirst thing you gotta do is get your mind right.  You are a dude that was faithful to 1 girl from the time you were an irresponsible kid till now.  You havent been in bars chasing skeezers every night since you turned 21.  You are a good dude that is different than those type of guys.  You understand relationships and women.  You know the expectations of a woman and will naturally meet them.  Things like calling, being thoughtful, etc. are hard for dudes who have never been married, its natural for you and women love that.  Girls that are our age have the same concerns that we do.  Good girls are looking for good dudes and are willing to give you a chance if you can present an acceptable formula of traits.  You know you can.  \n\nI have dated 5 girls since my wife left me 9 months ago.  1 was a girl that I knew from highschool, (work that circuit).  3 were girls that I met via my job that worked for other companies, and the most recent one was an acquaintance of one of my friends wives.  If you are anything like me, your friends are all married and the wives know that you are a good dude, thus willing to set you up.  Keep your expectations real.  You know deep down the level of girl that you can pull.  Work all angles and dont listen to anyone who gives you a time table.  You need female companionship to get your esteem up.  Take it where you can get it.\n\nYou'll be alright.  It'll all work out for you my man.
514580
Not sure if im late here but here it goes.\n\nIt's ok to be confused because youre in the learning stages there are many things to experience like what the guy above me said.\n\nI've had 3 long term relationships at your age, and now 10 years later, when I see my ex's we laugh about all those crazy fights we had.\n\nJust take a deep breath and look out into the horizon, 10 years from now you'll just realize how funny this all was.\n\nOh course you love him, I loved all my ex's too and I;ve talked about marriage to all of them funny thing is, time makes breaking up less cloudy.\n\nAnd yes you are hanging onto him because of the memories and all the experiences you shared. But remember people don't grow when things are stagnant.\n\nYou're here for a reason, and its either to get validation for breaking up with him. Or understanding why you feel the way you do, so why do you feel the way you do??? \n\nI guess I missed your last post, but Im gonna assume its because youre not happy. Listen to the guy above me and go out there and live life!!!
601952
Had 2 kids, very tough, loved her when we divorced. Partied to much, had no idea what I was getting into (with kids). Wish the divorce had never happened and it took 17 years to get back to where I could finally have a relationship and feel good. It is not fun, not like the movie stars! It is very painful and be very careful and ready when you marry. It is a great thing to have a great partner.