How do I tell my mother that shes putting her nose in my child raising capabilities a little too far?
348846
Do what's called the Broken Record thing...every time she starts in--think of something like.." I appreciate your concern, mom, but we have it handled."..........say it Every time...and she Will stop---it worked on my dad...see...when us mom's spens at least 20 yrs rasing kids..and being needed...and then we find one day that the kids are grown..living on their own--meaning we did our job well...suddenly we have nothing to fuss over..and that can be a lonely feeling.  I'm not saying it's okay for her to over step her bounds, just have a little understanding and compassion ... cuz, one day, you, too will have worked yourself out your job..\nhang in there
247626
I am a parent, but I am afraid I can not help. This is out of my league.
883487
Get sam or the carrot to do it for you. maybe your crazy mother will help.
196005
This is not fair to anyone involved, you may have to give in(even though it is wrong). They probably won't for awhile. So try your hardest to bite your tongue and murmur through it May I hold my gradnchild? They will eventually change. Just be patient, and when she gets to be a toddler, they may be asking for you to actually babysit.
1048886
Your poor daughter is going through huge changes and poor you are the safe person to take out the frustration on. I think its appropriate for you to sit her down and have a calm talk. Just state your case; you appreciate she is growing up, she wants to be treated more like an adult and you agree that its reasonable; and you want to be treated with respect the same as she does. You can tell her that you can both talk things over and reach a compromise, but you won't tolerate rudeness. \nSay that you also have a responsibility to take into account her safety, so rules are their for her benefit not just to spoil her fun. Also offer her a deal; if she ever finds herself in a situation where she feels uncomfortable she is allowed to say "I'll have to check with my Mum" or "My Mum won't let me do that" so you get the blame for being uncool not her.\nOur kids need to break away from us at some point or they'd still be dependant on us as adults, but at the same time they don't have the skills to handle it tactfully or with maturity!\nI think you've had some good advice here and its been good to hear from people who are the same age as your daughter. I'd agree that you can now stop providing for her as if she were younger, she might feel a bit smothered. Ouch! Its ok for you to set her chores to do, and if she does them with good grace she earns her allowance.\nYou aren't doing anything wrong so don't feel guilty. You don't have to put up with being treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe! \nI'd really strongly recommend that you take up a new interest or hobby, and sign up for some part time classes at college. It would help your daughter to recognise you as someone other than Mum, and it will help your self esteem.
493280
tell her to leave and talk with your son about her behavior
501377
Don't worry..she probably doesn't mean it. She'll take it back later. My mom has told me that a few times.
224383
If she takes you for granted, in my opinion she is going to resent you then. I suppose you are of those free, convenient baby-sitters who are supposed to enjoy it just because it is your grand-son. Im not a grand-mother myself and it will be quite a long time before I become one but I can very well imagine that you want your own life, freedom and taking care of a young child is frankly tiring.\nAfter all she had the child, not you. (I hope that you were not one of those grand-mothers who kept on asking : when are going to have children ? (smile)...that would make things a bit more complicated).\nIf your daughter has money, she could try to find a proper baby-sitter.\nWhat about telling her that you are considering taking a class and you need the time to research it. Something along those lines anyway..\nI don't know your circumstances so I can't really tell.\nWould she really take badly if you calmly told her that you want to enjoy your free-time, you love your grand-son but after all you don't want to be tied.\nI assume that she is working otherwise she would be taking care of her son herself. Of course, she might be trying to make ends meet too.\nIt is a difficult question to answer when one does not know about the full circumstances.
41387
mary,\n\nYou know your child better than anyone else.  Knowing what sets her off is your key to letting her know anything.\n\nIf she needs to be handled with kid gloves, put them on.  If she appreciates the direct approach, let it fly.  \n\nIt's something that needs to be discussed, though.  Perhaps she doesn't know about her little problem.  You're being a good mom...she should be happy to have a mom like you.
1121502
Perhaps you could ask her indirectly. Carefully crafted words are the key here to achieving your desired goal.....having a boyfriend. Okay, step 1) find a time when you and your mother are relaxing, no phones, dinner is finished, house is clean. 2) Begin the conversation like this: "You know Mom, I am now ___ years old, and I was wondering if you would allow me to go to the movies with _____________. I know you have not had an opportunity to meet ________, but I can invite him by the house on _________. He is a really nice guy. Now, if you do not have a boyfriend, and no prospects, then I would suggest that you address your mother in this manner: Mom, I have really matured over the last year and I would like to respectfully request permission from you to go on a date occassionally with a carefully selected boy that I will bring home first for you to meet.  Don't be shy about it. Be assertive, without being pushy. Tell her what your heart desires, and do it in a kind, courteous, confident and mature manner. The way you approach this request to have a boyfriend is important. You have to let your mother know that you are ready for this big step in your young teenage life. \nNow, be honest in your evaluation of yourself here okay? Think! Really think here! And answer my question truthfully! Question: Have you been on your best behavior over the last year? Have you done everything that has been asked of you by your mother? Have you gotten into any serious trouble lately? Did you make good grades and behave appropriately in school? These questions are important, because if you have been cutting up and acting like a trifling little hoochie mama, it is highly likely that your mother will say no. But if you have been a perfect angel, and behaved appropriately over the last year, then I dont see any reason that your mother will not agree to your terms. Also, let her know that any boy you meet, you will bring them home to meet her, and your curfew is 9p.m. weeknights and 10:30 on weekends. Or, if your curfew is later than this, use your current curfew. Well, I hope this helps. Best wishes to you. And have fun.
629012
I agree with naNa, that would be the best way to hint... or tell her that her feet stink, okay im a little blunt. =S Thats what i would do.
361263
don't let her bother you. what grade are you in? eventually everybody matures, and for those that don't, the rest of the kids will realize what a bitc* she is. Just ignore her completely, fly under her radar, but don't do anything that will make her feel like she's controlling you. \n\nJust take it with a grain of salt. Eventually she'll get her commuppins, and you'll be all the better for it. \n\nThis is probably the answer you don't want to hear because it's not easy to do, but the harder things are the more they're worth doing. Good luck.
247889
A Mom I'd Like to F***
192618
tell her you need a little space.\nor perhaps that you moved to canada.\n\nbut i just try to avoid them.\nlike if i'm on the phone with them and i don't want to talk very long, i tell my mom to yell at me to get off the phone.\nthen act all bummed that i have to get off the phone with them.\nalso, if they want me to go somewhere with them or do something, i tell them my mom said that i can't.  and pretend to be mad at her.\n\ntrust me, it works.
873197
Your mother is doing her best to make you feel so unsure of yourself that you will obey her. She, believe it or not, has good intentions. She just thinks the important thing is your obedience. She isn't really capable of teaching you anything worthwhile and has proved it. Try to avoid conflict with her while doing what feels right to you. If she gets in your face too often, just refuse to talk to her. \n\nIt would be good if you could print out the page with this question and answers and leave it around where she would find it.
253770
I think there is no a polite way to say it, if she always question your decisions, she will anyway. Just be honest with her, tell her it is your only night off and you can not spend it bay sitting for her. If she question you just say: that is the only reason, I am sorry but I need this time for my self...(it is just an idea) otherwise ask her to pay you as any other regular nanny. She will probably get mad but this she is crossing your own boundaries. It might be difficult but she have to understand you.
1043741
Send a sealed letter to her through your son or arrange a parent-teacher conference.  Rationally tell her, like you did here, exactly how you feel. Don't dwell on it, just ask if she could be a little more sensitive on this issue in the future. If she refuses or starts to get in your face, calmly tell her that because she is unable to address this issue civilly, you will arrange to have a meeting with her and the school principal.  Thank her for her time and then walk out if you are meeting in person.  If you are on the phone, thank her and then hang up.  Then, call the main office and set up an appointment to meet with the teacher and the principal.\n\nIf the teacher agrees to your request without any hoopla, thank her and then move on.  If you notice any further infractions, talk to her about it calmly.  If she is just placating you and then doing what she wants, make an appointment with the principal.\n\nAvoid negative discourse and you'll save yourself some nasty hassles.