How can I get my ex to stop telling our kids bad things about me without involving them? She won't stop.?
343393
Unfortunately I am going through a very similiar situation with my ex-wife.  We seperated a few years ago and she started by pulling a few shaningans like that off.  All I can suggest purely as one dad to another is to maintain the best contact that you can and when you do contact your children let them know you love them and always want to see them. \n\nMake it clear that if they were expecting you, that their mother must have made a mistake because you had not planned on being there that day, not because you do not love them but because you have work or necessary things to do.\n\nLegally stopping someone from slandering you with your children I dont believe is possible.  It is truly more of a question of guilt tripping your ex and explaining to her though her intentions are against you, they are more then likely more likely to harm the children.  Children with seperated parents that do not get along are more then likely to be involved in crime, or have poor grades in school as well as a plethora of other things.\n\nMost of all, I feel for you completely.  Maybe if it is possible file for custody?  If you can somehow accuse your ex while on the phone and record some admittance of slander the courts will surely find in your favor?\n\nFinal thought.  Do what is best for your kids forget about getting back at your ex or doing what she wants you to do (which is probably run away and never see the kids again).  Your kids need you in many ways, and writing to them constantly and contacting them VIA phone and visiting as often as possible are the best things.  Be so much a part of their lives she cannot lie to them.
316800
I think you need to tell him he needs to talk to his ex about coming up with a disciplinary plan. Discipline must be consistant at both of their homes. Kids will act the way they are allowed to. You definately can't ban them from coming to your house but you just need to make it known that they can't behave that way in your home.
722838
I dont think you should be talking to your EX at all. And the fact that you are sneaking around makes me think you want something from her. There is a reason she is your EX. YOu should quit contacting her. And when your wife finds out I hope she kicks your scandalous a$$!
1167222
I spent 10 years with my first love who did NOTHING but accuse me of cheating. Even after two kids and finalizing my faithfullness with MARRIAGE (which I regreat every day of my existance) YOU dont have to do a DAMN thing to prove that you are what you are, faithfull and a proud mom. Look at how awesome you are with providing for your kids no matter what curve ball life throws your way. It took me to 6 years to stop my putting up with his claims and accusations that I finally dusted myself up one day and realized, (1)How the Hell am I going to keep on putting up with this and (2) why would I put my kids through this? They are such incredible sponges and you are their role in relationships, family and love. My last straw was relationship counseling, that brought out alot of hidden insecurities that I never knew he had as well as shed some light onto several of his accusations. He actually WAS cheating for awhile and guilt wouldnt let him life it down. After 2 months of "trying for the kids" I left. Me and the kids got our stuff together, I fought for full custody and I havent been happier in a long time. There is a sole mate out there for you and HE will FIND YOU, not that you have to force it to happen just because you had kids with the guy. That is the worst reasons. You are making it alone (emotionally, and financially) you can do it without the added pressure of his stupidity. I have all the faith and prayer in the world on your side and you can get through this. You wont be alone, You will be Happy and Stress Free With Your KIDS. They need you. How old is your youngest? How old is your oldest? Dont hesitate contacting me for questions or advice. My heart goes out to you. PrncssNiki@yahoo.com
14297
Let it get back to your mother in law that you don't believe she made those statements, because you can't imagine that she would ever say something so awful about you and your kids.  \n\nThen the ball is in her court.
139423
Tell the kids it is not their fault for the divorce.Just be there for them to listen.\nAs a teacher you will be surprised how many kids come to you just to vent out.\nJust listen and don't judge !
333367
Don't be the one friend who kept giving advice\ngive it once...its her choice to listen\nJust be the friend who doesn't say i told you so and holds her when she is in pain & realises her stupidity~\nif her kids ever get in danger than definitely bring her attention to it & if need be help her mom get custody~\nnever drag the innocent into it..
638120
Dear Friend,\n\nYou need to speak to Child Protective Services.  They will tell you the process for your state.  Obviously, she'll get to tell the court her side of things as well.  If she's a real threat to your kids, hop on it.  If you just want to hurt her, find something better to do with your time.\n\nYour Friend,\nFrancesois
911780
might sound like the easy way out, but make stuff up.   Or you tell them it's none of their business.  Or you can just be very vague and not get into details.   good luck.
577240
sounds like jealousy to me....she will get over it soon enough, just try not to talk about the kids with every breath (not saying you do but that could add to her jealousy)....dont let her get you down though and good luck!
564404
Well congratualtions you are ahead of the game. If you know that she is doing these things, the most important thing is to document everyting. Get child services involved if you think she's treating the kids badly, but only as long as you are squeaky clean (otherwise you'll be opening a can of worms that you don't want). Clearly she is sneaky if she's cheating and you haven't caught her yet. If you can make a case that she is an unfit mother then you will probably get the kids. If however in the future she turns her life around and starts doing the right things there is a chance that she could get the kids back. But right now if it is really is truly in your kids best interest to be with you then they should be. Go see an attorney and find out what the laws are in your particular state.  Good Luck!
626358
That must be horrible!  What an evil ignorant woman!  Get a lawyer, and I'm serious because your sons have no right be being treated that way.  Go into the police station and demand a restraining order of some kind that prohibits her to speak to you and your children.  If she violates that she goes to jail.  Not to mention, get loads of family and friends, teachers and accaintences to testify that you would never do anything to hurt your boys.  You are being abused, not just your sons but your family is being abused.  You need to seek justice because it is people like you who have to fight for these things who make a difference in the world. Get a lawyer.  There has to be someone affordable.  Anyone. Also get witnesses that she is verbaly abusing your kids.Good luck
765483
People with nothing to hide, hide nothing.  If he refuses to tell you where your own children are, he is hiding something.  You have every right to ask to meet the person your children are spending time with.  You need to know that they are not in any kind of danger.  Assure your ex that you are not going to be cross with the person, but that you just want to know that he isn't leaving the kids with some crack-addict ho.  (Don't say that...just tell him you will be nice)  If he still refuses, you need to have a serious talk with him.  If he is afraid of your actions only, then you should still be able to meet the person.  If he is hiding something, you should do whatever you need to find out what it is.  \nIt IS YOUR BUSINESS!  They are your children and your responisbility to be sure they are safe!
588462
why don't u call the number of the office that sent u this letter and demand for all of the details? obviously u are not the only responsible for that kid, where is she? how is raising her? why don't u call there and ask what is going on? what makes u wish to stop her after 9 years u didn't do anything? if u have changed Ur mind now, after all of this time, first try to understand what is she going throw?!
920077
use a common friend to get to your ex-wife. i think it's very noble of you to try to work things out among yourselves. if your ex-wife still refuse to accept the fact that you're actually doing her a favor by resorting to peacefull means, then you have no choice but to do whatever would be necessary for the sake of your child. you need not feel guilty then if the court decides in your favor because you have tried your best to warn her.
449333
I have to be honest, if you see this girl pull her aside and tell her if she lands another finger or if you see her talking to your daughter you will take matters into your own hands. If she tells anybody else you threatened her.deny it..your the adult, then most likely the parents will start looking into it. I am serious! It works.
799258
I don't know what I can say that will help you but I can reassure you that you are not the only one. My ex disappeared for the first 6 yrs of my son's life and then reappeared acting like he was the best dad in the world. He constantly contradicts what I say (ex.: my son has dental sealants and can not have sticky candy because it will rip them off but he insists my dentist is a head job who doesn't know what she is talking about, he also tells him he doesn't have to listen to the stupid things I say, that my son doesn't have to be responsible for anything -he's 10, and so on). He also created a tape using one of his friend's to play for my son. The contents consisted of this impersonator telling my ex that I did not love my son, I did not want my son, my ex could keep my son, etc. My ex also has no problem with my son seeing pornographic materials lying about his household. My son told of this and more to a Children and Youth Services agent who told me even though what my ex was doing was inappropriate it was abuse. Now for the grand finale, I stopped my ex from seeing my son for 3 months because he informed me he moved back in with his child molesting mother whom my son was to have no contact with and while the investigation was taking place and I was trying to modify the custody arrangement. During this time he filed contempt charges against me, initially sending to the wrong address (one that didn't even exist) so I missed the first hearing. I later received a visit from a constable telling me if I didn't go to the next one I would be sentenced to jail. I had proof that he sent it to the wrong address before we had the hearing. At the hearing my ex couldn't decide where he was living or for what amount of time, stated I had denied him my son longer that occured, and brought forth info that his mother was recently forgiven for molesting her sons (my ex and his brother). The judge decided that he knew my ex had lied about the extended time but I was also in the wrong because I should have known (even though I lacked the resources to find out and frankly my ex should have informed me since he knew, I forgot we are still supposed to wipe their asses even after we are no longer together) that his mother was forgiven for her most heinous act and that he was no longer living with her. Never mind the fact that we had contact since I stopped letting him take him  and my ex could have mentioned it, never mind the fact that my ex couldn't even figure out where he was living, and never mind the fact that not once did I tell my ex he could not see him, that he could not take him, I WAS STILL IN THE WRONG. I was in the wrong for trying to protect my son. My fiance summed it up nicely, the courts are currently favoring the men. The court does not take the child's welfare into consideration just what they want as they are deciding.