should I tell my husband i cheated?
349524
If you feel the need to confess, find a priest!  It is wonderful that you feel guilty over a kiss, that means that you do really love your husband.  If you were going to tell him, the time has passed.  Now that the relationship is moving forward, keep it moving.  Cut off all ties with the ex bf and use this as a learning experience.  If the ex bf brings it up, tell your husband that the ex is jealous of your happiness.  Also, delete this question from your account so your husband doesn't find it!
879220
Keep your mouth shut and don't do it again!  You can't ease your guilty conscious by telling him, it will only hurt him and cause him to make a choice he may or may not be able to live with. My husband cheated on me once and then four years later he decided to tell me.  I was devastated but I have never had a jealousy problem and I told him that when we were married (most people are not like me).  I told him right from the beginning that I really didn't care because if he loved me than he would stay with me and if he didn't than I never had him to begin with so I would be better off.  I just felt betrayed that he did it with my friend, when I was pregnant with our son and worst of all--he was only telling me to ease his conscious, after four years.  It didn't change anything except that now I know he did it and it is always on my mind.  If you really love him than realize your mistake and don't do it again and for god's sake don't tell him.
344145
Hmmm...I can not advocate that cheating on your husband no matter what the circustances are is right because if you are unhappy you at least owe it to him to voice your emotions and to move on. Just because you don't have a good relationship does not mean that his feelings should be neglected just to satisfy your own. Since you two have been together for quite some time don't you think that you owe him that much to be honest? You say that he treats you badly and that you are unhappy but I'm sorry that doesn't justify your cheating in anyway especially considering that you have no children involved that might cause you to be stuck in staying. As for the guy that you are seeing now, maybe you are in love and perhaps a future with him will be great but you are more or less in that fairytale stage of a relationship where they can do no wrong and this will fade. If this is something that you honestly feel is worth pursuing in order to make yourself happy then go for it by all means. Just remember that your happiness does not need to be based on a man and that you can find it yourself no matter what the outcome. I think that the betrayal and hurt is going to be worst for your husband who has no idea of what is about to surface and that for you it might be hard but that you'll make it since you have realized that this marriage is no longer what you want. I'm in no way trying to put you down or belittle you for your actions because it happens to the best of us since we are all only human but I would definitely consider your situation a little further and make sure that this guy just doesn't look like a better option because you dont really have the repsonsbilities and obligations that you share with your husband. There are no stings attached at this point with this new guy so it makes it all light-hearted and fun and if you do both embark on a relationship (especially a long distance one) there will be difficulties that will eventually come along. I would suggest taking some time out for yourself once you get a divorce and not rush into anything too quickly. I think that you need to hash out somethings with yourself instead of seeking comfort from a man that is merely supplying what is lacking in ur current relationship. Obviously if you decided to get married to your spouse, these feelings at one point or another were there with him and look at what has become of that. I think you need to just really spend some time with yourself and getting to reaquainted with your independent single self before finding an identity in someone else. I'm sure you are a good person and I hope that whatever choice you make that you will find the happiness that you seek. Just remember the feeling of everyone else involved and don't let your heart do all of the thinking for you during a time when you need to use your head. Best of luck to you:)
21348
If your husband kissed another woman what would you think.  You have already cheated yourself since you got to that point.  Now is the time to feel guilty.
306976
Those of you that have said no to this, but have commented on why people cheat, and judge those that do, have really got no right to judge/comment unless they have been there and done that themselves or have been on the receiving end. As for me, yes I have cheated. Nearly 5 years into my marriage, we started having alot of problems. We weren't spending quality time together or communicating and there was no sex. When I tried talking to him on a deep and meaningful level, I got no input from him. I told him repeatedly that I was unhappy in our marriage and even to the point where I asked him if he would come to marriage counselling with me. He refused! I spent more and more time on the internet chatting to my friends until I got talking to a guy from Germany. Eventually, I was telling him about my marriage problems and how unhappy I was. From what started out as a friendship on the net and someone to talk to once or twice a week, ended up developing into something more and talking every day. It got to the stage where I hardly spent any time with my husband at all and he knew I was chatting on the internet. This guy from Germany told me he had developed feelings for me and was flying down to Melbourne to meet me. I kept it quiet from my husband and told him I was going away for a couple of weeks and that we needed the break. I picked this guy up from the airport and we drove interstate together and holidayed for two weeks. Yes, we had the most wonderful time together and when it was time for him to leave, he wanted to come back to Australia again and visit me. I felt so guiltly for cheating on my husband that when I returned home, I told my husband and also told him it was over between us and I moved out of the house. The guy from Germany and myself continued on with our relationship for about a year. The second time he came here, he spent a month with me in Melbourne where I was living at the time. Sadly though it didn't work out because long distance relationships are just too hard to maintain and there was no future for us because I found out in the end that he had no plans to marry and live in Australia. Some people think that people who cheat on their partners are scum, well most often than not, the people that are the cheaters, suffer as well. I'm not condoning cheating and I'm sorry for what I did but I not only lost my house (I left it to my husband)and security, but I nearly lost my family as well because they didn't agree with what I had done and my brother-in-law disowned me for awhile. If I could take back what I did, I would, but as the saying goes, what's done is done and my advice is to anyone that is thinking of cheating on their partners, don't! He'll end up finding out and if he doesn't, you'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life (if you have a conscious). For 2 to 3 years after I left my husband, I was an emotional mess. I cried constantly for the hurt that I brought upon my husband and also my family. If your marriage is in turmoil, communication is the key to a long and lasting marriage, so try and talk things through, seek a marriage counsellor if you have to and if all else fails, tell your partner you are leaving before you do something you will regret later! Life wasn't meant to be easy and you have to constantly put the time and effort in to make a relationship work! I learnt the hard way.....
1115788
Ok, you are totally in the wrong; cheating on your husband. You need to resolve the issues you have in that relationship first - the issues that led you to the cheating, THEN examine what you really feel for this guy. He is completely right for not opening up to you all the way, but you both have crossed a line you can never go back over.
459736
Now what do you think ? Why would you ever tell him if there is no way for him to know, Put it behind you ask GOD to forgive you and move on. If you tell him it is over.Believe me men never let it go,they may say they can but it is something about their ego it just eats them up. Do not tell him
779022
Well, if he already cheated on you once, there is a possible that he could be doing it once again. But you never know, sometimes that is not the case. Well, also, it's ok for you to have lost the trust that you had in him because of what he did. I think that you can either wait and see if more things are weird or you can talk to him and tell him how you feel. Communication and honesty is the best thing in a relationship and maybe that will work. About being concerned, I think you should be if he is trying to go on with that plot. (Which I really doubt). I think that you need to keep calm unless you see more wrong things but still be cautious.
774577
Yes my Hubby cheated 3 years ago,We did seperate for about 3 months, anyhow we ended up working it out..We got way to comfy in the marriage and things started to go downhill,And then the unthinkable happened..My first thought was divorce when i found out..as i said i moved out..But until your put in this position you just never know ..I felt if i could LEARN to trust him again and of course forgive him for what he did knowing it would take ALOT of time and patience on his part for the damage he caused to me, Then i would be willing to try it again..Today we are very very happy, The best our marriage have ever been.. And its taken awhile but i believe it was worth it. We have been together 17 years now..But if it ever happens again, I will be divorced..And no LOOKING BACK!
43078
Well it depends on if you are...repentant about the mistake you made.  if you are, yes. you should. he'll find out someday and it's better to come from you with a real face of repentance than for him to find out and ruin your relationship because of it. \nIf you aren't repentant and you could care less if your b/f knew, then tell him and break up with him.  'cause if you 'cheated' on him, whats the point in being HIS     friend?
220052
sorry to hear you let it get that far, i'm sure you are too. normally, i would say talk to your mate. but in this instance i would have to say you need to figure out in your head and heart what you really want and get you priorities worked out. your children are the ones who would really suffer for your indiscretions. i'm sure that is not what you want. but if your husband finds out, i don't think he'll be very understanding or forgiving. i wouldn't. but if you wan to save your marriage, then i would focus entirely on my husband and my marriage and making him happy. kiss butt, in other words. secretly, of course. one day, if you feel your marriage is strong enough, then you can tell him. the only thing that is going to help is your conscience. honestly, you may learn a bigger lesson by having to carry this secret and not burden your husband with what you did. sorry.
567646
Yes, you should feel guilty. No, you should never tell your spouse. It will cause a lot of pain. You will feel better not carrying a secret, but your spouse will know that you can't be trusted, and it could destroy them. If you tell your spouse, it could be the end of your marriage. Certainly, it will be the end of your marriage as you now know it. Your partner's innocence will be lost, and your relationshiop will never be the same. You probably already feel something had changed, or you wouldn't be on Yahoo! Answers spilling your guts. This is something you will have to live with. What kind of spouse is going out getting drunk at parties anyway? Your only hope is to give your life to Jesus, and be forgiven for your sins. Then you can start a new life and maybe get past this. Go to this link http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/save.htm Take your spouse to church and get yourself together.\n\nI sincerely hope that this has, at least, been a wake-up call to you that you need to change your lifestyle.
1100451
Seek counseling immediately.  AACC can help you find a Christian counselor.  I don't understand from your question whether you have cheated or been cheated on by your spouse.\n\nThis is tough to answer, and much depends on the nature of the relationship you have and other factors.  I think your spouse should know.  You may need to get into counseling first in order to have a support system in place when the fireworks go off.  You may need to tell him/her first, because if your spouse finds out you've already been to counseling, he/she may feel betrayed further.  Hard to say.  Pray for forgiveness, that God will strengthen and encourage your spouse, and for wisdom in knowing how to proceed.\n\nIf you are the offending party, you're going to have to face up to it.  That means answering the questions and giving your spouse space to feel his/her feelings.  You have known about this, and he/she has not.  It will take time and it's perfectly normal for feelings to fluctuate.\n\nDo not demand forgiveness or expect it too soon.  You'll need to show that you are trustworthy (fruits worthy of repentance).  Remember that forgiveness is a process and not a magic spell that takes the pain away.  This may be an arduous process, but it can be worth it.\n\nThere are some really good books and resources, but I highly recommend counseling.  You need someone who can sit down with you and help you process everything.  You may need to go separately before it's okay to try to work through things together.\n\nAACC to find a counselor: http://aacc.net/resources/find-a-counselor/\n\nBooks:\n\nHidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, by Gary Smalley:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310402913/qid=1151721150/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155\n\nTorn Asunder: Helping Couples Recover From Infidelity, by Dave Carder:   http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802471412/qid=1151721623/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155  -  this is the workbook, but it will give you an idea what the book is like.   Hopefully you can find the book on eBay or another online bookstore.\n\nBoundaries in Marriage, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310243149/qid=1151721831/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_4/002-2437303-6036011?s=books&v=glance&n=283155\n\nThis is a difficult task to undertake.  Do all you can to strengthen yourself and your spouse.  Get as much help as you can and is appropriate.\n\nMay God bless your efforts to restore your marriage to what He wants it to be.
1180370
Leave his @$$. He is cheating. That's why I left my husband and I am doing much better.
253099
Lady, I recon this guy has done this before and it's "been your fault" everytime?\n\nCatch a wake up, even if it was the first time he did it, he'd probably do it again.\n\nIf you did tell your partner you cheated on him, whether you did or didn't, it sounds like you like causing trouble and maybe you should sort yourself out before trying to get your kids back.\n\nKids do need their parents but they don't need troublesome parents, sort yourself out and then get your kids back.
725616
Yes I've cheated.\n\nIts often a difficult question for most people to answer.  Why did I do it?  I felt very betrayed, unworthy, and just plain not good enough after my husband cheated twice.  I needed to know I was still beautiful and worthy of a man's love and attention.\n\nNot once did I feel I was betraying his trust.  It felt more appealing, like vengeance.  \n\nNo, I've been accused of cheating in other relationships.  I strived more to prove that I wasn't.  The thought of actually doing it never crossed my mind.
158736
These are really hard shoes you are asking us to put ourselves in....I don't think any of us could say for sure what we would do unless we were actually in this postiton. Try to take time to think about the information you have learned, what were the circumstances in you marriage at the time. Determine how your relationship has been since then. Was the affairs with different women or one? How did you find out, by mistake or did he tell you? Why did he tell you after all these years? Is he looking for a way out or has he been consued with guilt all these years and wanted the truth to be told? You have alot of questions to sort through in your mind, and in your heart. The best advise I can give you, is to listen to your heart. Give yourself a little bit of time to digest everything, right now the hurt, humiliation, betrayl, and disgust are fresh wounds, and might cause you to lash out and do something you really don't want to do just to hurt him. I am sorry you have to go through this hurt, I wish you luck love and happiness.