What is the funniest joke you know?
305599
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks out into a house to look for money and a gun and finds a young couple in the bed. \n\nHe orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: \n\n"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." \n\nTo which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!!"
180673
101? I ONLY HAVE MY BEST 3 JOKES...HOPE IT DOESN'T OFFEND U\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
896775
Oh HA HA!! Very funny.\n\nxxB
1043700
hehehe...i like your jokes, they are giving me a good laugh for today!
797214
Actually , that was one of the funniest jokes i seen all day , if that tell's you anything .
452212
What has the world come to? People don't seem to make good clean jokes any more (keyword: good)! Sheesh...\n\nHere's one:\n\nA pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. \n\nThe doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." \n\nThe woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" \n\nExpecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" \n\n"Denise," the doctor says. \n\nThe new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" \n\nThen she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" \n\nThe doctor replies, "DeNephew" \n\n:o)
410534
HAHAHA   great joke!!
278914
That is literally the funniest joke I've ever heard.  Ever.  In fact, I don't even think it was so much the joke, as how well you told it.  You, my friend, are a comedic genius.
847459
LOL that was a good one and for once it wasn't to long to read sometimes i can never be bothered to finish the joke coz there so long!\nThanks for the laugh xx
25322
There was a scientific research project into the world's funniest joke, this is the result:\n\nTwo hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. \n\nHe gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
485067
I heard it as two guys were walking along one day when they came to a picket fence.  Rather than go around it, they decided to jump over the fence.  One guy made it, the other didn't.  After they got him to the hospital, the first guy asks the doctor, "Where is he hurt, Doc?"\n\nThe doctor, without looking up from his medical chart, replies, "Rectum."\n\nThe guy responds, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!"\n\n\nThe punchline alone is funnier than the joke, because with the punchline, you get the toilet humor without having to think about it.  Sort of like the "er?  I hardly know 'er!" lines, like:\n\nPoker?  I hardly know 'er!\nButter?  I hardly know 'er!\nSucker?  I hardly know 'er!\netc.
557105
Some funny sex jokes.  They're awesome!!!
880198
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahaha....dats da gr8es joke ive heard in centuries...gud one...
881464
LOL You're funny, you know that?
909354
making fun of something that exists
971176
Go to jokepictures.com.
365905
Some would argue it's "The Aristocrats," an ever-changing, offensive gag I won't go into here as some folks may be too young.\n\nI'm fond of this one:\n\n"Knock Knock."\n"Who's there?"\n"Control Freak.  Now you say "Control Freak who?" and I'll do the punchline then, but don't act like you're expecting it or it ruins the whole joke.  Okay, go."