How can I always nag that I'm lonely, and now someone's in love with me and commitment phobia hits me??
347902
I'm in the same situation. This girl I know practically told\nme she wants to date me, but I quickly flipped her words \naround and turned it into a joke...I must have commitment \nissues, my longest relationship has been for like 2weeks \nI'm just 20 but still. \n\nIf a girls likes me and I like her but I keep pushing her(and others) away am I scared or something? \n\nMy dad cheated on my mom and it was hard for her when they divorced. I always told myself(even though we talk) I\nwill never be like him/that....I guess running away will \nmake sure of that.?. \n\nSorry for answering your question w/ my own commitment issues. Maybe we need to suck it up I don't know....
562619
I totally understand you,I also felt like that too.But,someone has to break the silence and stand up too their feelings.Life is too short to wait,I say go up to this guy and ask if he would like to go for a walk with you sometime.Good luck.
770586
I'm going through the same thing. So you're not alone. It's awful....But you're extremely fortunate. My guy friend never came back!!!! He's been gone for a while now...(a month maybe?) and slowly, very slowly, I'm coming back to reality. So I guess all you need is some time. \nI believe that your heart is made up of people. So when someone leaves, the people are ripped out of your heart, leaving a huge gap. A painful gap. And the only way to heal it is to replace it with new people. So try to find someone new to fill in that empty space in your heart. I haven't, that's for sure. It's hard to find someone as special as those guys. \nWhenever memories of those guys come back, just shut it out. Replace those memories with bad ones. Try to forget them.\nOk, I know that's an awful thing to do, but at least it'll help you concentrate for another hour. \nI hope this helps, sister. Good luck. I wish you the best.\n\nP.S. Thanks for your Q. I finally found someone I can relate to.\n\nOooohh! Here's something to cheer you up:\nIn a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop.\nHaha, sorry, I'm really random. But this quote has helped me. It might do the same for you!
772707
Your chances are low right now, I'm sorry.  You didn't give the circumstances surrounding the break up; but the fact is that when you feel lonely, even the people you trust most aren't going to be attracted to you.  That's human nature --- to shun the needy.  She isn't likely to view the potential of your relationship in the long run; more likely, she'll see you as a desperate man with no self respect.   \nYou use the word "ever", so if you get over her, find someone else (someone you are truly happier with), you probably will make her jealous.  Do NOT believe it if she says she would be happy if you found someone else!  That's, in fact, a bluff whether she knows it or not.
239129
I'm not saying I have all the answers, but it is pretty humiliating when someone doesn't want you. You're afraid of falling in love again; ok, you've been in love. Has anybody told you they love you, or has it been all theoretical and one-sided so far? You're afraid of love; have you been loved, manipulated, used or just misunderstood? How have you been hurt? These are questions you need to determine before you can decide what to do next. I'd say talk to a counsellor. Figure out what actually happened, what you want to do eventually, and what you can try next to achieve your goals. If you are still nervous after that, try to work your way up to it gradually. Start with just caring about people, maybe neighbors, children, the elderly. Do you know anybody in need? There are many ways to express love. Are you looking for a tender, warm caring love, or a rough, wild, sensual love? We all need various things from the ones we love at different times. Some people express love by sharing, some by providing, some by giving gifts or surprises, some by being romantic, some by being reliable, some by challenging their loved one to excell. Try to meet up with the pople who are looking for the same thing(s) you are. Good luck!
600248
Unfortunately, we cannot make someone feel the same way about us or want a long-term relationship.\nSounds like the men you have been involved with just are not ready for that kind of commitment. I would strongly take a look at the kind of men you are attracting and perhaps go out of your way ,and give a chance to, someone who isn't necessarily your type. Even if it means going slightly out fo your comfort zone i.e. perhaps the nice guy at the bookstore or checkout counter that you might have let slip by at first glance. By doing this you'll have opened up more doors to find someone who is on the same wavelength as you, and who shares the same relationship values.
1085801
Try not to dwell on it. The more you spend time thinking about it the worse the situation will become. Loving someone doesn't always mean being with them so be as supportive to him/her as possible without becoming more emotionally involved. Focus on other aspects of your life that get you out of the house and spend time with other friends. It won't be easy to get over not having your love returned in the way you would like but you'll have to or you might risk losing your best friend.
824236
The best thing to do is not rush anything.  That is what freaks guys out the most. You can paint paintings but do that kind of thing in moderation.  Don't smother or be clingy.  Resist the temptation to go all goo goo gaa gaa over him right off the bat.  It isn't wrong to feel that way about someone just keep some of it under wraps for right now. If it lasts there will be plenty of time for that later.  Just take a deep breath and relax. If you get some big bubbly surge of lovey dovey feelings just bite a pillow or write it in a journal.  Don't call him and go "I looooove you much I don't know what to do!"  Don't go to the extreme of pretending you don't like him either. It works for some guys but to others it is a turn off. Good luck.
842402
Thats a tough one to handle.I have been devorced 6 years now.After my ex did her thing I tried to date off and on for awhile but something kept me from getting serious with someone.I noticed that everytime I found a person I liked and wanted to get to know better this nagging feeling would get in the way.\nI thought about this for sometime and realized that it was me and trust was the issue.A couple of the ladies I dated told me that I had put up a wall and they couldn't find a way to get around it.Lately I haven't had as hard of a time trusting someone but its still there.I'm not sure if it will ever go away completely.
141187
Don't worry about it there is someone for everyone, instead of worrying about it just simply project a smile everyday and a positive attitude and watch the flood gates open when you start to get approached by men wanting to get to know you....choose someone that you would like to be your friend first verses your lover and the love will surely come...be your true self and not some fake female that he may want you to be...and then let the cards fall where they may.....
734409
I am in the same boat as you, and I have the exact same feelings. I think that we have this problem because people around us are dating, and we're not so we feel left out. Just try to have fun with your friends, like I do. You'll stop wondering about your romantic future. Who knows...maybe you'll see him that night. Just make sure that isn't the only goals to your plan.
878555
first of all you need to stop comparing urself to other ppl....no two persons are alike,remember that, take some time out by yourself and seach ur heart...ask urself ,what has happened to you in the past which may influence you to feel this way,because sometimes things happens to us which affects our entire view of ourselves,and untill wefirst deal with those issues we will be forever trapped within ourself. take my advice....get out of your house...take a long walk..listen to some music...take it slow...u dont have to judge yourself by the characteristics of others..in doing so ,you are ignoring your very own unique characteristics.we are all beautiful sweetheart......never put yourself down ..,
268016
You are not alone! If any one has gamble in love, then, at one time or another they too, were in this situation.  A few weeks ago I seen a segment on TV about a woman who actually makes her living helping others that have broke up from their mates. This is how devastating a breakup can be.  The first thing she did was make sure the person did not become a couch or bed potato.  She said you have to get back into the world as soon as possible.  I realize that you are more concerned about the daily thing, and seeing him all the time.  Just, get up every morning, always fix yourself up and dress 'hot'.  Lean on your friends when you have to see him or be in the same class with him. Everyone has that one friend that makes you laugh alot, you need her now more than ever. Continue your life as close to normal as possible. Scope out someone else that you might be interested in dating and start conversations with him. You may not be ready, but get ready. Your X will see that your life has not stopped because he walked out. And by moving forward and keeping a good appearance and attitude, he will definitely take notice. I don't if you want him back or not, but moving on to another relation ship always makes the other one feel rejected and if someone else wants you, so does Mr X. You got the power..now, GO GIRL!!!
341170
I feel the same way sometimes and have an interest in know who you are but it is prudent not to rush love, it will come, and when it finds you you'd remain happy.\nNever be desperate for love, you'll sell yourself short.
792676
I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. I would try to avoid them as much as you can, so you don't have to hide your feelings often. When you are with them, try to be polite, but I know it's hard. you might want to vent in a diary after you see them or to a really trusted friend. \n\nIf you can, try to get involved with other hobbies and interests, and if you feel up to it, go out more often with other friends. I know from experience that this is hard, but you may meet more great people and really get into your other interests. I really hope things go well for you.
1105653
I know what you mean, I am in the same sitution. I try to find things to do to keep him off my mind watch tv, go for a walk etc. As I see it if your unable to be together you need to stop wasting your time and find someone that you can be with and sooner or later you will feel secure to talk to that person (Thats what I am trying)
162982
Wow, that's a complicated problem.  It's going to be hard to try to answer this because I can't see the details when I'm typing.  \n\nYou say that you've been alone for about a month, which is long for you, but that you feel good about it.  Considering that you've been in a lot of unhappy relationships, that's probably understandable.  You sound like you're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to find "the one" before it's too late.  Then you take out this pressure, in turn, on your boyfriends.  I think in your concern to hurry up and find someone permanent, you're pushing yourself way too fast into relationships, and trying to stake a claim before you really know that you love them (otherwise, you wouldn't get over them in a couple of weeks...)\n\nHowever, knowing this about yourself isn't necesssarily going to help you change.  You could seek counselling, but that's expensive.  Here's what I would do, when I feel like I'm acting in ways that aren't in my best interest (and believe me, that's pretty often): \n\nFirst, take some more time off from relationships to get your head together.  You sound kind of panicky right now, which is not a good state to be in when you're starting to date somebody.  Try to balance yourself a little.\n\nWhen you are in a relationship next, and you want it to work out, you have to think *all* the time about the consequences of all your actions.  Being a good partner is work.  You can't just trust that you're going to act in a way that is good for you and the other person, you have to think about it.  Every morning, think to yourself, "How would I like this day to go?  Do I want to accomplish anything specific in my relationship?"  If you feel like talking about your partner about long term plans, etc., *stop* first and think:  "How is he going to react to this?  We've been dating for X number of weeks.  Is this an appropriate time to ask this question of him?"  \n\nAt the end of the day, think over what you and your partner have done that day, what conversations you have had.  Did anything upset either of you?  Can you do anything constructive to make it better?  Do you see yourself falling into your old patterns?\n\nI guess what I'm saying is, you can't always trust your instincts to work in your own best interests.  You have to put some control back into your mind.  This may not sound very fun, but it's often what relationships need most.\n\nTake your next relationship slowly.  *Think* about the moves you make before you make them.  Give yourself time to fall in love, without worrying for the moment about the future.  If you try too hard to grab it, it'll slip out of your hands.\n\nI don't know if any of this helps you, it's the advice I would (and have, at times) given myself, and it seems to help.  \n\nGood Luck