Drama between Mothers vs. Stepmothers!!?
353735
As the step-mother, when the children are in her care, her opinion and advice should be sought.  \n\nHowever, that does not give her free reign to subject the biological parents with her opinions.  Opinions are a lot like elbows, everybody has one or two; however, that doesn't make them justified in foisting them off unsolicited.\n\nAs part of a parental unit, even if temporary, she will in some way have an impact in the raising of the children and all three of the adults should work together as a unit to ensure that the children are raised to be happy, healthy, productive adults.  That should be their only concern at this point.\n\nWhen I married a man with children from a previous marriage, granted the girls were in their teens at the time, I sat them both down and advised them that I had absolutely no intention of trying to be their mother, as they already had one, but I would like to be their friend.  That worked, to this day, even though their father is now deceased, me and the girls stay in very close contact with one another.
1064410
I am for Team Nick there is something wrong with a mother and father who go everywhere with their newlywed daughter and her husband!! When do they get to spend time alone!!! I understand that he is her manager, but can't she even pee alone??
766613
When I became a stepmother, (many moons ago) I had the same problem.  The youngest actually liked me quite a bit, cause she wasnt old enough to understand the breakup of her parents, but the oldest who was 12, he knew.  He didnt necessarily blame me, as I came much later, after the breakup.  However he didnt really like me either.  One day, the school called cause he had gotten into trouble.  I went instead of his dad (or mom) neither of them knew.  Then I handled the situation on my own without "ratting" on him.  From that point on, he liked me.  I had been "on his side" and that meant alot to him.  An opportunity such as this may just come to you if you watch for it.  Every little bit counts in a step situation.  I wish you lots of love and fun in your new family :)
1126803
I'm not sure about the law, but I think this is something between you and your boyfriend.  The way I see it, as a fiancee - and especially as a stepmom - you have the right to discipline them and have some input.  However, most of these things are best left to the mom and dad.\n\nI'm in the same situation, so I understand that it is often hard to understand exactly what your role is when it comes to the kids.  I always leave the big things to my fiance and the mother of his son.  If his son does something wrong, it's okay to say something to him.  If it's something major, I make sure to tell my fiance and leave it up to him to deal with it.  He and I have frequent conversations about his son and I tell him my opinion on certain issues, tell him what I think should be done and leave it at that.  \n\nEven though you're not the mom, you do play a role in the kid's lives.  When they are with you and your fiance, it should be a team effort - but always know the boundaries.
568767
no, i don't think she is being fair, but i can understand why.  sharon is more hurt by the affair nick had with phyllis because there were feelings between those two, it wasn't just a physical thing.  he cheated on her emotionally as well, which in some ways is worse.  i think her feelings and her pride are both suffering a great deal.  however, in this situation, i do think her demands are unreasonable.  she wants nick to move heaven and earth to accomodate her and that's just not possible.  yesterday when she told him that he couldn't stay at the main house i wanted to slap her!  she does not own the ranch!!  and how do you tell someone they are not allowed to stay at THEIR parents' house?  if she is that upset she should leave.  but i don't think she really wants a divorce, i think she just needs more time to heal from this pain.
1106675
I watched another woman and my (ex) husband break up my marriage. She tried to control and manipulate my kids, as well as my in-laws. After our divorce,they got married. As the years went by, my kids began to hate their step mother, and realized what I had said about their step mother were true. I ran into my ex-husbands wife after she went on vacation (without my ex). She told me that she wished she hadn't have came back, and also wished she never married my ex. From what my kids say, my ex is miserable with his wife. They've been married for 18 yrs. He won't divorce her 'cuz he knows she'll take him for everything he's got. She's told the kids that if she divorces their dad, she'll take him for everything he has.  Karma is a wonderful thing!
1089842
My mother the alcoholic....she drives me crazy the way she treats my baby sister...  she is 25....treats her like crap.....oh well we will be meeting in about 13 days, so if you hear of any problems in Dawson creek, ya know what happened....lol
1018520
She must be a psycho just like my stepmom, maybe she just despises you, and probably for absolutely no reason, and doesn't want her kids to get close to you. Now that you guys live so close, it would be really easy for them to come over a lot, and maybe she is affraid of the kids liking you more.  Fricken people do really wierd stuff and usually for no reason!!!!! If you haven't already, try calling her or going down to the house and asking her what the problem is. Good Luck!!
502922
You can do nothing from this point.  You have acted maturely enough if you honestly have asked her why she was acting this way.  \nSometimes it's best to address what is on you mind regardless of what reaction might be solicited.\nNow go about your business and no matter what she will not be able to deny you have both given her the opportunity to explain her hostility towards you.  \nShe will lash out a little more, but eventually, I believe, she will want to join your friendship and not stew over it.\nShe is still a mom and you are a woman that threaten the very fibers of her closeness with her young.  Every species has this process in it's life cycle, humans are no different.  She'll remind you of course that her bonds with her son are stronger as this is normal.  Hostility is not nor should it be tolerated by anyone much less than a close family member.  I'd like to add that if a man can defend you against his mother he will defend you against anyone.  Tough situation but I believe you'll make it through this.  Good luck.\n\nI hope this answer just changed your life.  Peace.
640640
some times the best thing to do is just let her talk to whoever she feels comfortable talking to.  after she talks to her stepmom do her problems seem to be taken care of, or are they made worse?  maybe that should be your focus.  if she seems calmer after talking to her ex-stepmom why is there a problem.  if she seems worse after talking to her then maybe there is a problem.  your daughter is probably reaching out for someone who she thinks understands her and her situation in life.  maybe you should look at this woman as someone who could mentor your daughter instead of seeing her only as your ex husbands ex wife!!  all in all if it is good for your daughter then let it be.
1111620
They do not speak to each other.  Apparently, she thought he was critical of her in an interview he gave.  I am not absolutely sure but I think she claims it was about her having adopted when she first did.  She also often said that she did not appreciate his cheating on her mother.  Not very consistent for a woman who slept with a married man.  He has expressed that he would like to make amends but she is not budging.
802453
Sounds like she needs some mental help, with her mood swings and attitude. She has been your step-mother for 8 years, I think that is enough time to adjust. I would just do what she says, and don't give her any reason to get mad. Then, if she doesn't change, talk to your dad and tell him what is going on. No parent should choose their own happiness and partners over their children. If possible, and she doesn't change, go live with your mom. That is about your only options. Unless your step-mom gets on some meds to straighten her mood swings out. Good luck sweetie, and be strong for your sister. :)
1046118
I think that is the saddest thing I ever heard.  She is cinderella it sounds like, only with wicked in-laws instead of step mother and sisters.\n\nMy mother in law doesn't like me - and I shudder at the thought of living with her.  She has tried to interfere with what I do with my child too - but I can't give in to her on the issue of the kids.  As mother's we know what is best for our children and no one should interfere.  Unfortunately when you live under the roof of another - they feel they have a right to tell you what to do.\n\nIs it possible that they can move in with her family or find some low cost housing?  Maybe the meanness of the in-laws is the universes way to trying to get them to stand on their own - which is what we all must do when we become parents.\n\nPeace!
131617
The other posters have given some really good thoughts on this issue, which is always a complicated one.  For certain no one should falsify records, but in many places if she is living with the father she could be considered a step-parent.  Better that children have an extra person in their lives to show interest in them and give them attention and kindness and caring than they have a mom and a dad who fight about what should happen.\n\nWhatever happens in these situations should always be in the best interests of the chldren - not in the best interests of the custodial parent or the non-custodial parent.  Is it the children, or is it you, that doesn't want her at the school events?  I get a little sense of some anger and bitterness here, and that is not unusual, but don't let it cloud issues.  If this woman is important in their dad's life it is best that you try to have at least a civil relationship with her.  Why do you say the children did not want her at the school events?  Did you tell them they shouldn't want her?  What harm does it do for the children to have an extra person clapping for them and cheering them on at school events?  Children need all the love and support they can get.\n\nTry to set aside your own feelings about this, and approach it from the perspective of doing what is right for the children.  I am not trying to decide for you what is right, but in many cases it is best to come to peaceful terms with the new woman, and accept that she will be in your children's lives.  Encourage the children to accept her and get along with her - she may be with their dad for a while, and kids need their dad too.\n\n\nYou may have a chance here to be the one who steps up and refuses to put the children in the middle, and does only what is in their best interest.
477590
She is just feeling protective over her mother role.  She is their momma and she doesn't want you to try and fill her shoes or play mommy.  It is very delicate.  No matter what she did in her marriage doesn't matter.  Please be respectful not to push her about being around HER kids.  Respect the fact that she doesn't want you around them right now.  They shouldn't see you two together unless it is very serious.  I didn't introduce my daughter to her now step-dad until I was sure we were going to stay together.  They don't need to see different women in daddy's life.  You don't know how long you two will last just yet.  Give it time!!!!Don't tell her to back off or anything like that, you have no right to.  If you care at all about your b/f respect her wishes!!!  She'll come around if you do.  Don't make it worse, it is a delicate situation!!!  Why would you move in?  This isn't something that should be taken lightly.  Are you even engaged to him?  Like I said, the kids shouldn't see women in daddy's life unless it is serious enough as marriage is!  Sounds like you know you'll disrespect her wishes anyway!  Why ask then, if you are moving in?
815865
I'm watching the follow-up right now. Bonni (the ex mother-in-law) is the only one who answered every question honestly. Kaylee's mom lied on one question. Kaylee's dad FAILED! Completely! The man who gave the test said he was incorporating measures to beat the test, which didn't work. His new wife says Kaylee is with her during the visitation, and she's not sure if she believes the test. She's smoking and going to the bars while pregnant, and doesn't know if she wants her baby around Jeremy (the father). This is interesting....this guy should be locked up. There are sick, sick people in this world.
533701
I have been with my husband for 6 years all of which we have got along. She does not raise her voice in anger(maybe to grandkids). But I have never seen her argue with my husband.She is probably what everyone would want in a mother in law, she minds her own business and if her son is in the wrong she takes my side and tells him what he is doing wrong. SHe is not judgemental on how clean my house is or how is raise my kids. THe only advice I get is to do with the kids health when they are sick. \n\nMy mom takes my husbands side, so therefore it's like my mom  in law is more of a mom than my own.