how do you deal with abuse?
340895
It is a terrible thing being abused by a parent.  You can deal with it andthough you think you have toughed it out, you still should get some professional help.\nYou just need to remember, that none of it for any reason was your fault.  You need to know that the abuser had issues and unfortunetly didnot deal with them except for lashingout at you.  Maybe as a child growing up, this parent was brought up in an abusive home.  Only she and possibly you will ever really know that but the deal is to forgive that abuser, and forgive yourself for there was nothing you did wrong and nothing you could have done to prevent it.  I am so happy you are out of that situation and would really like you to join a support group, or seek professional thereapy with a specialist because many times the cycle of abuse passes from one generation to the next, and many times, we don't realize this until it's too late.  These people help get inside of your head and really get to the core, and that does go a long way to being able to cope with it and not pass it on into your generation.\n  confronting the abuser is usually done at a certain point of the therapy and I would suggest not doing it until then.  It is very probable that you still have contact with this person and this person may still have an abusive nature, such as that which will come out more as verbal, emotional abuse as you are older now.\n  Please get someone to help you deal with it...they are trained and although you say you have pretty much dealt with it, you really haven't and you need to.............\n  Good luck and I am so sorry for what your parent did to you.  You were helpless and felt so unloved and so wrong all of the time, and believe me, this is not lawful and it is certainly not fair.  Good luck and stay tough.............
136902
ignore him/her. if they are abusive, chances are they are looking for the feedback to let them know that they are getting to you. life is to short to sweat the small stuff.
781679
Tell someone! Your being abused!!
795794
Knowledge  is  the  remedy,   once  you  understand  (like  knowing  people  who  use  filthy  language  are  scum)  you  Will  tell  them  to  shut up  until  they  learn  manners.\nLearn  martial  arts  so  if  someone beats  you,  then  you  can  whack  them  back.\nIf  someone  ill  treats  your  wife,  then  you  should  know  better  that  you  don't   beat  them  for  verbal,  but  again  tell  them  to  leave  until  they  learn  manners.   \nWhat  are  you  actually   afraid  of  ?    really  ?   understand  that ,  then  learn  how  to  deal.    Even  when  you  are  afraid  start  standing  up  a  little  bit  at  a time.   Eventually  you  will  develop  a  backbone.            good  luck
393966
If by "mean" you mean physically abusive, then call the police.  There are also organizations, such as the Safe At Home Foundation, that can help.  Look them up in your local phone book or online.  \n\nIf you need further help, feel free to privately email me.  I'll do what I can to help.
1057637
You already know that you are not the things that this person has called you, you said so yourself. Now all you need to do is get that person out of your system and move on with your life. Meet new people, try new things. I think that when people are abusive to other people weather it's emotional, physical or verbal it's because that have low self esteem and they want to bring someone down with them. You do not deserve to be treated just anyway. Now that you are out of this relationship you can chooses how you want to be treated. DO NOT let anyone treat you any other way then you want to be. Good luck.
1040285
sure - just step away from it  - mentally get yourself involved with other things and then try and get a different perspective on it .\nIf there is physical abuse then (if your able, get out fast) but if it's emotional even cheating - go for outside help
797545
The quikest way is to stand up to anyone trying to take advantage of you. Stand up for yourself and do not allow anyone to walk on you. Learn to say NO. And do not be afraid to smack someone that won't take No for an answer. Please only resort to violence as a last resort though.
843251
You have to tell someone. If you are worried about the way your Mum may react you need to get another adult family member that you trust  to talk to her. If there is no family member that you trust then maybe a teacher etc. I can tell you as someone who was raised with abuse you need to break the cycle. Silence will not solve this problem. hope this helps and I hope even more that this problem is resolved
600128
well done, it needed to be said.  but look you said it yourself too 'i was in an abusive situation once...it took me some time (as i was younger and less experienced)'  \n\ndo you realize that a LOT of people on here are teenagers who are at that 'younger and less [life] experienced' phase that you were at?\n\nit's good that you are here to shout sense into people..sorry to hear of your abusive encounter before. hope as many people as possible read your post here today and get some thinkin going on!
1152625
Would the best time for you to think about you be when you are being hauled out on a stretcher or in a coffin? If you are being abused, GET OUT. I went through the same thing. Depression made hubby #2 the same way, and his mother thought I was just awful for leaving him, but you know what? Mommy wasn't living with his abuse 24/7!
543728
WELL IF HE WAS ABUSE AS A CHILD THEN ITS SAD TO SAY THAT IS WHAT HE KNOWS BUT DONT KNOW WHY. GET HELP SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO STICK BY HIM BUT HE HAS TO GET HELP IF HE DONT WANT HELP THEN DONT STRESS LEAVE HIM BE BECAUSE WHY SHOULD YOU BE UNHAPPY CAUSE ONE PERSON DONT WANT HELP EVEN THE BIBLE SAYS SO GOD WILL HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEM SELF SO NO NEED TO TRY AND PUSH HIM TO DOING SOMETHING HE DONT WANT MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY I WISH YOU LUCK
226494
Always treat others, the way you want to be treated by them....sounds pretty simple, but it seems to be an impossible dream ...:-(\nWell, I try to live this , but I find myself really often upset ( but at least not violent )
310685
being abused in any way shape or form is always a difficult thing to get through.\nIt took me a long time before i got help, but do you know what? when i did, i came out thinking, "well that was a waste of time, it didn't change anything."\nThe secret is keep going.......and do go, make that decision, make that choice to take charge of those feelings.\nNo they will never be forgotten, and yes you might get upset sometimes, but at least one day you will be able talk about it with out crying or getting angry. Talking to someone on a regular basis, is the best way to get over your fears. Talk about this with your boyfriend, tell him that you need to talk with someone, if he loves you he will understand. Good luck, it does get better, but you have to make the first move, and don't give up.
246787
Verbal abuse is still abuse.  You need to get help and get out of the situation.  Find a support group or halfway house for abused women.  United Way can proabaly help:  http://national.unitedway.org/myuw/\n\nYou are not alone...this happens more often than you think.  You don't have to accept his abuse.  You will be okay, but you need to get out of that situation and take care of yourself.  You deserve better and you CAN have it.
568229
Changing isn't easy.  There are steps you have to do even if you don't want to, but once the ball is rolling, you'll change quicker and you'll wonder how you lived life so long the way you did.  Steps you have to take; \n1) you have to talk about what happened.  There are support groups for sexually abused people, find one, join it, talk about it.  Opening up is difficult, but keeping it inside just keeps you from letting go and moving on.  In a support group you'll find other people who know what you're going through and can help guide you.\n2) stop seeing or talking to your mother until you have your feet on solid ground.  Abuse tends to lead to one of two outlooks; either you hate her and blame her for everything, or you hate yourself and blame her for nothing.  Both ways are self-destructive.  Stay away from her until you feel ready to face her again.\n3) you must forgive yourself.\n4) you must forgive her.  (And anyone else who abused you mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually.)\n5) because you realize that you were never taught self worth, you already have a step covered.  Now go further and make the decision to change that.  Do you want to remain miserable and feeling unworthy?  Then "rewire" your brain.  Tell yourself you are worth it, tell yourself you're better than this, tell yourself you do deserve to be happy- say this over and over every day until you believe it.  It takes time, be patient.  When you start to believe it, your behaviour will change, your outlook on life will change, and you'll feel better- less anxious.  (It sounds silly, but how do you think we learn anything?  Repetition.)\n6) understand, and learn to be okay with the fact that things may not improve.  You've lived 40 years with this- without examining it and correcting it.  Change may come, but it could take years.  It may not come, but you can at least do things differently.  Even the happiest person feels sad sometimes.  It's all about how you deal with it.  You can't dwell on it, that keeps it alive and you dead.  Find little things that bring you peace or happiness, even if it's candy, or a song.  Allow yourself to take pleasure in these things.\n7) and last- people often repeat what they've been taught in childhood.  You can't take your pain out on other people, it's not their baggage to carry.  This is a slippery step and definately worth the frustration and money spent on therapy to overcome it.
659010
By just being there when the victim needs you, listen and let them know it is not their fault. Do what they ask. Try to convince him/her to go to the police or at the least a doctor. Don't apply to much pressure let her/ him know that if they do nothing it will eat away at them for the rest of there life.