how do i convence my wife (we are seperated right now) that our 17 year marriage is worth saving and be happy?
337576
rekindle that spark BE ROMANTIC not just average you want this to work! Go above and beyond i'm talking movie romantic. if she rejects that sorry. But good luck
440121
To save a marriage there has to be love.  To even consider saving a marriage hints that there is still love.  Don't throw it away unless your sure all the love is gone.
1157649
Sounds like you have some talking to do... and from that decide whether to 'take it' or leave it. However you are married now, and that is supposed to be for better or worse. As her husband, (now) its really up to you to support her emotionally as financially.
1167813
My husband is 17 years older than me and had just gotten out of his 13-year marriage when we met.  He had been deeply hurt by his previous wife.  You just need to love him.  Let him know constantly how you care for him.  We have been married for 3 years, and only in the last year has he finally come to believe that I love him and am not going to hurt or leave him.  It takes time.  Just reinforce how much you love him.
687658
Happy wife=happy life.\nKeep her happy and you'll do just fine.
841534
I know it's hard, believe me! It's not something you get over in one night, or one year. It takes alot of time and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give yourself that time? Is the marriage good now? Is it worth working on? Your wife needs to work on rebuilding your trust. Is she willing to do whatever it takes to help you along with this? It really seems to me that she is, because 20yrs is a long time that you both have invested in. I know you are in pain right now, your wife has been in pain for the last 10yrs thinking about what she did and has lived with knowing that one day you would find out and maybe end the life she really wants. And that is to be wife and a mother to YOUR kids. I am not making excuses for her because what she did was wrong! I know you need validation right now and you have every right to feel that way. You (I am sure) are a great dad. So for right now, focus on that. Time will heal...I promise!
398973
Buy a house.\nMy wife's hobby is doing things around the house she can do and making lists of things we need to take care of she isn't capable of alone. Mine is executing those jobs on the list only I can do. In our free time we tackle jobs from the list we both are capable of. We also spend a lot of time in the bedroom. Actually, now that the kids are grown and gone, ANY room we feel like...\n\nBut then, we might be considered wierd. After 30 years of marrige we still find each other incredibly sexy. We like spending time together and have our "causes" we support. Both of us are passionate about children's rights. We have been foster parents for 17 years and are on about every child care panel in existence.  We also teach parenting and alternative discipline classes together for our state's Dept. of H&W and I am on various boards and am the governor's appointment to our state's Children's Trust Board from our district.\n\nAnd, oh yes. In my spare time I also am writing my second book. And am public relations director for my Shrine Center. (you know, we support the free hospitals for kids)\n\nAnd when we're home, in the evenings we sit out on our deck in the spa and sip wine or tea or maybe hot chocolate with cinnamon schnapps. Yes, naked...
485109
Oh man, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this Oct and 5 years of being together. It has taken us a long time to figure this one out. The answer sounds so simple but it can take ALLOT of self control and discipline. The key to a successful relationship is having a forgiving, unconditional love for your partner. Being able to accept blame and admit wrong doing and knowing what to do to change is a big key. When we talk "fight" we do not tell the other what we don't like about them but what we recognize they don't like about us. This way its not assigning blame and creating defensive walls but acknowledging wrong and working together to change. We are best friends, lovers, and we embrace all things together as a team. Marriage is the HARDEST thing to do in this journey we call life but I PROMISE it has the largest rewards! My husband and I got divorced last year and realized on the day of our divorce in the courtroom that we were running from our problems and making the biggest mistake of our lives. You have to go THROUGH your problems, you can not avoid them in any way. Good luck to you
765473
Follow your gut instincts. It will guide you to making the right decision. Re-evaluate your whole life together. Has there been more good than bad or vise versa. Are you happy and content everyday? Do you constantly have to think about your future with him? 7 years is a long time. But sometimes it isn't healthy to just stay in the relationship because of the kids and especially if you did not bore them. People can be very hard-headed and have a one track mind. If you are constantly having to argue with him and tell him how committed you are to him and the marriage and it doesn't get through to him then you, as a woman, have to figure that one out. It is a no brainer. Some people are just really damaged by their past. If talking one on one to each other for 7 years doesn't help and counseling failed, then sometimes you just need to do what you have to do. Life will go on and it will not be the end of the world. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Re-evalute and think about it. Follow your gut instincts.
188186
Stop over thinking this.  It sounds like your wife has been very honest with you about how she feels.  The fact that you two are only separated but still living together and still spending time together hints that she is honestly there trying to figure out how she feels.  If she didn't have some feelings for you then she would have left by now and filed for a divorce.  You just need to be careful and not go over board focusing on pleasing her all the time.  She is probably looking for a lot more than just your attention.  She is probably looking at your life as a whole and where the future might lead.  Take time to make sure the rest of your life is as good as possible.  Love is more than just emotions, it encompasses all of life.  Be patient with her and don't push too hard or all your work may have the opposite effect and drive her away if she feels smothered all the time.  Remember, what you do for her now needs to be things that you can continue to do for the long haul for the rest of your life, and not just for the moment to fix things between you.
544422
I was married when I was 16 and he was 18.  That was 21 years ago.  We are even happier and more in love now than when we were married.  We are each others best friend and ALWAYS make time for the other no matter what.  Communication is definately a must. You can't expect the other to know what is on your mind.  Neither of you are mind readers. ALWAYS respect each other.  Our rule is whoever gets whatever whenever.  Sometimes you need to just spice things up.  It has worked well even with having five kids from 17 down to 4 year old twins!  To really make sure it will last forever...add God and it will!
873490
if you want to keep her,but I don't know why really from the sounds of it except that you have 20 years invested in the relationship,I would do a little investigating and find out who is checking your wife's oil. \n  I am serious..that is the only answer that is plausible and reasonable,and she probably feels that she cannot stay with you because of guilt. \n Be upfront and just lay the cards on the table and get it out in the open and find out what is really going on..and take off those 20 year old rose colored glasses.
604588
You didnt mention why you separated, I think that is important to know to answer the question.  But anyhow yes it does sound like she wants to hold off on the divorce.  Its a good thing you have pets, it will give you both the opportunity to spend time together to know if you should get back together.  Unless your going to be single the rest of your life there is no getting away from emotional heartache.  Its a part of life and love.  Might as well try and work it out with someone who was good enough to be your wife in the first place.
603781
If you want to save your marriage, you both need to ask God\nfor help. He will be the only one who can fix it.
716862
If your really this un happy why don't you just get a divorce... It's not fair to your wife and it's fair to you... I think it's time to call it quits and be single for a while...
223939
5years after marriage after having nice fun
439693
Do things to make your relationship stronger.  Marriage counseling is good.  Marriage workshops.  \n\nPray for each other.  Pray that you each grow closer to God and that God will help you grow closer together.  We don't really understand what love is until we know God.  He helps us love each other the way we should.\n\nHave common goals that you work toward together.  Treat her the way you want to be treated.  Be respectful and kind. \n\nCheck out "Hidden Keys To A Loving, Lasting Marriage," by Gary Smalley.  You can read a bit of it here:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310402913/qid=1144083134/sr=8-6/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i6_xgl14/103-4668860-3658249?n=507846&s=books&v=glance