how can I get my 20 yr old son motivated....he was 8 yrs old when his dad & I divorced?
355850
1.) Open front door\n2.) Drop $20 bill on ground out side door\n3.) Call son and point out $20 bill\n4.) When he bends over to pick it up Kick his lazy behind out the door\n5.) Close and lock door
1126277
Don't push him. I remeber when i was small, i wasn't attracted to any sports activity. But soon, i showed my own commitment and started participating in what seemed fun, and even though I wasnt good, I kept playing whenever I could. Give him some time and he'll show enthusiasium for at least one sport.....
499172
Try taking a trip, visit people you haven't seen in a while (specially because of him), make new friends, suscribe yourself into some kind of activity you like and read a lot about being co-dependent.  This will help.  Also therapy and being selfish for the first time in your life.
604540
Thank you "Divorced Dad", or at least I assume so. We need someone to talk to on occasion that understands, or someone to answer questions that we don't kow the answer to. Good Luck!
49576
Let him play the video games, it stimulates the mind. Just make sure he does his chores and homework and let him do what he enjoys. Not everyone will enjoy sports. Also, maybe find out what kind of games he plays and play with him. Educate yourself, learn about games. Be a good father.
476006
I have no doubt that you have been trying to instill values of the clean nature in him for a long time. Here he is almost 18 and has yet to adapt. Soooo, I am relatively sure you are asking for help, but not expecting any miracles. You know that you have probably already exhausted every avenue that any one of us might tell you. I have sons also, and when you describe your son its as if you were talking about one of my boys. I have no solution for you,... I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this aspect. There is one thing you can "teach yourself" though that might eliminate some of your frustration about him. Don't take it personnel when he does this! Save your energy. Choose your battles! Keep instilling the lesson of what he needs to know, but don't worry about him not doing it. Try a role change with him on occasions,... when he needs you to do something, tell him "just a minute", or "I will get on that soon", or "I meant to do that, but forgot", ...throw his lines back at him and watch him get frustrated. Its good clean amusement for you, I promise!  My boys, and I am sure your son, too, are 'good' people, and yes, lazy people. But as long as he is staying out of real trouble, you really have no problems compared to some Moms out there. They do grow up, and when you go to their homes in the future, he will make you proud. I know!!! You are me, 14 years ago. Hang in there, its going to be alllllright!
566640
Go to a Children's Museum. Your son could play and have a good time doing some hands on activities and learn  through play while having fun. You and your wife will so find that this is a very relaxing experience because I can guarantee that you will also learn something new in the process and see old things through new eyes.
471187
Your fun may just be beginning. My daughter started at 12 and outgrew it at 19. Things got so bad that I let her go life with her permosques dad. She ended up living on her own at 17. Sometimes we must let go so they can grow. It sounds harsh but you must stick to your morals and principles. My heart goes out to you. To be honest, giving her to God was the only thing to do. She is now the mother of two. Her and her husband are so king and loving. It just takes time and patience.
874312
You need to stop and look at your priorities. Your children are number one. You need to do all that is possible to give them an intact, caring mother and father house. After divorce and the boy/girlfriends come parading in and out of their lives, things get pretty rough for the kids. Don't do this to them.\n\nYou are the man of the family. Ultimately the responsibility is all on your shoulders. You take the first step. The rewards will be indescribable. \n\nI also stood once on the edge of divorce. I finally realized I was a jerk and made a one-eighty. You must do the same.\n\nIn general, you must make your wife's happiness a priority. Think of what she would like and do it. Don't worry about your own happiness. A loving wife and happy kids will provide all the happiness you need. \n\nHowever don't do what is wrong, ie go into debt to buy stuff for her or do ridiculous things. Treat her well. Tell her you love her and your marriage is very important to you. Do the dishes on occasion, make the bed every day, I do. help around the house. Don't neglect your own chores.\n\nMost important of all. Do the right thing. Spend money wisely. Raise the kids properly (don't be their friend, be their loving authoritative parent). \n\nLet your ego and feelings go when you and your wife argue. Let her speak her peace. Try giving each other a couple minutes to say whatever you want with absolutely no words (or funny looks) from the other.\n\nDon't separate, that almost inevitably leads to divorce.\n\nMy parents got divorced when I was 13. Don't do it to your kids. I got stuck with a horrible step-dad for decades. My dad told me the number one regret in his life is that he didn't work more on his marriage to my mother. Step up to the plate, be a man, and take care of your woman!
548395
Don't know what age son is however,                   respect him as a person first and don't compare him to others.\nIf he gets something right no matter how small, praise him. If he gets it wrong sit with him and discuss how he can get it right the next time.\nYoung people do well at different things they are not all good at one thing, remember that when you are trying to motivate him
384200
Either you are really young, or really stupid. Want to drive him wild? Read a book and study something. I bet you that will blow his mind! Learn how to do something important and meaningful, instead of how to be a s.l.u.t.
826129
How about getting him interested in some D.I.Y. and get him a power tool. Then he can do something useful and at the same time feel the satisfaction of a new found ability..
231821
Did you have any problems in the family that could have triggered his behavior? Usually children will lash out their feelings. I have a 12 yr, 10 yr, and 9 yr. My nine year old was very angry and got in trouble alot when I and his father seperated for divorce, he not only took it out on me and his father he took it out on his friends, teachers, grandparents, but we have since then talked to him and he is doing alot better.
561408
Give him a day when you are there for him\nand sharing with him the things he enjoys\ndeveloping his creative skills and encouraging him  and supporting in learning new things and growing.Give him toys tools or new clothes.Give him fresh fruit not sweets.Give him gentle advise,a listening ear and an understanding heart.give him some training in some new skill.Give him a responsibility and your trust with it.Give him your love and affection.and let him know his family,parent,guardian... or whoever you are...cares..Give him a heritage to be proud of.....give him  protection but give him freedom.Give him values character ,dignity  ,and integrity.So much more you can give your son whatever age he is.You are  trully.blessed.(by the way I NEVER READ any POEM YOU suggest.Is there one or are you asking me to make one up for you?)
396411
I know how you feel.  My son chose to stay with his dad after my divorce.  I have our daughter.  The distance is near 1000 miles so, I am not able to see him much.  I do call him every weekend and see him at least 4 times a year.  It is still not enough and I am frustrated since I am unable to do anything about this.  (Work, money, ect...)  My son knows that I love and miss him so much.  It hurts.
46314
Give your children all the love you can and forget the loser that walked out of their life. Same thing happened to me. Father left when they were very young and never came back. If the father does a huge turn around and becomes worthy to provide them the love they need then you might consider easing him back into their life some time down the road. In the mean time be happy and live your life the best you can. Only thing you can really do. If you feel your children really need a man figure in their life maybe a grandparent or big brother program could fill the gap?
1107383
sounds like you want it more then your kid,which is not a good sign because it adds to the pressure to succeed.\n\nYOU ARE DESPRATE SO GIVE UP