Is it a good idea to wait around on my boyfriend who is presently in prison?
336640
If it's love, you'll wind up waiting no matter what anyone says and you might be right....Babydoll, I don't know your jailbird, so I can't make any comment about whether or not he'd be worth waiting for, but I can tell you this, with absolute certainty: Loving an inmate is a VERY HARD ROAD....it's about slogging through endless paperwork, it's trying to keep up with rules that seem to change every week, it's waiting for incredibly expensive collect phone calls that might or might not come and when he doesn't call, praying with all your heart that the phones in the day room are just either too busy or broken and that he's not hurt or on lockdown, it's becoming obsessive about checking your mail and the heartsick feeling that comes over you when the letter you want so badly isn't there,it's about getting writers cramp and spending $20 a week on stamps and stationary, it's about dealing with either keeping it secret or dealing with disapproval of the relationship everywhere you turn and mostly it means living in a future you can't be sure of and that really does take a toll.\nIf I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, but I've loved the guy for over 20 years and I can't quit now....think carefully, Sweetie, it is a hard, hard thing to do and no guarantees
253866
Babydoll, I don't know your jailbird, so I can't make any comment about whether or not he'd be worth waiting for, but I can tell you this, with absolute certainty: Loving an inmate is a VERY HARD ROAD....it's about slogging through endless paperwork, it's trying to keep up with rules that seem to change every week, it's waiting for incredibly expensive collect phone calls that might or might not come and when he doesn't call, praying with all your heart that the phones in the day room are just either too busy or broken and that he's not hurt or on lockdown, it's becoming obsessive about checking your mail and the heartsick feeling that comes over you when the letter you want so badly isn't there,it's about getting writers cramp and spending $20 a week on stamps and stationary, it's about dealing with either keeping it secret or dealing with disapproval of the relationship everywhere you turn and mostly it means living in a future you can't be sure of and that really does take a toll.\nIf I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, but I've loved the guy for over 20 years and I can't quit now...and I'm almost 40, so it's not as if I'm spending my youth dealing with the Dept.of Corrections...think carefully, Sweetie, it is a hard, hard thing to do and no guarantees
1183088
If you are saying what I think your saying I would get away from that dude. It's only been 5 weeks. If he is doing things he shouldn't be doing and you are hanging around him you are going to get in trouble, or get hurt. I knew a girl once who had a boyfriend who was involved in that crap and she is dead now. Just think this way too, that dude is going to be in prison soon so you won't see him anyways. And that's the truth.
338686
Actually, I am... My husband has been an inmate twice since we've met and has just recently been released about a week and a half ago. We have been going through a messy divorce since the 23 of June, last year(our six month wedding anniversary).\n\nThere also was a man that I had known and spent half my life in love with and he was released last summer and is now in Colorado doing great; he didn't waste anytime getting back on his feet.\n\nThey both, by far, are repeat offenders not once, not twice, not even thrice. They both have spent the majority of there lives going in and out of jail and extremely close to prison. The difference between them is that my husband wants to do right and has the faith and ability to do so as well as a lot of potential for success in many areas of his life, but he lacks the understanding of HOW to live differently and the common sense of wise decision making. He isn't doing any of the bad things that he did to get him locked up to begin with, but he is still putting himself in situations that could eventually land him back where he began, claiming that his walk with god is so strong that he can handle the situation, when his family and I all know that his strength will eventually weaken due to where he is choosing to stay. BUT the other guy I spoke of had a safe place to stay and a secure job with in weeks and went as far as a move from California to Colorado to get away from his previous influences and is doing great right now; he even got custody of his 6 year old daughter back.\n\nThese two people are very similar and very different which goes to show that you shou7ldn't judge people by their mistakes; it is our mistakes that make us human. BUT we can be judged by the efforts we take to make things right once given the knowledge, ability, and the freedom to do so.\n\nThe best advice I could give is to go online tro the court website of the county he is convicted in, type his name into the search, and it will pull up his entire criminal history and all other related cases he may have; it's all public record. Also, try and find out what kind of home life he had growing up, because that will play a big role in his decision making process and will give you a better idea of his non-jail personality. I say non-jail personality, because once you're locked up you tend to form what's called a prison mentality which means that you learn to anipulate people into beleiving that what you say is genuine and that they really have rehabilitated and deserve another chance, yet once released they go right back to there old ways. So find out as much as you can about who he used to be and carefully compare him to the person you know him to be now. Ask him what plans he has for when he is released. Most inmates that are serious about the desire to rehabilitate will have already constructed a plan as to where they will stay, how they will get around, where they will work, just general goals and ways of meeting those goals.\n\nFind out when he is supposed to be released and continue writing to him or calling him which ever you prefer and see how he unfolds as a person once released rather than getting involved right away.\n\nIt's not easy, but sometimes you have to see where your heart leads you, just make sure your smarts have brought along a safety net just incase.
581457
I hope when he gets out of prison yall are very happy with each other.  Course you will not be, because he's a pervert who gets off on young girls.  You are being used, don't be a victim, be the mature person you say you are.  This isn't rocket science.
479372
if it was a one off i would say stick it out if u really love each other but it seems to b a on going thing him going to jail u need to get on with ur life in a steady relationship with someone thats always going to b around for u not in and out of jail
973431
It will depend on the position she is seeking and her security clearance level.   However, if she is not a spouse of the person who did time, it shouldn't be a conflict in any way.    They are justifiably nervous about allowing spouses into prisons, even those doing volunteer work, but if the person is out, off parole and not in trouble now, it shouldn't affect her ability to obtain employment with the State.
475334
Are you sure you want to put yourself in that situation. It doesn't really sound like a start to a healthy relationship.  Why is he in jail? Does the reason he is in there bother you at all?
108699
Sweetheart, I've been in the same boat except I was like 13 and he was 18. You're so very young, and i know you love him and he probably loves you too. But if they catch you even kissing him, he could be put away. Do you know what they do to guys like that in prison? Hopefully you don't. Listen honey, I know you want to be with him forever but trust me in that you're going to get older, your tastes are going to change, you have your whole life ahead of you, and it's not fair to him to make him wait. I had the same situation, and here I am, 7 years later, getting married to the most perfect guy in the world. It took me so long to realize what I wanted in a life partner, but I found it. And the guy I was in love with got married and had a beautiful family. So it all worked out and it can for you too. I'm sure he'll understand.\nBest of luck to you hon.
1066545
You should have a nice long talk with him and give him an ultimatum. If he loves you, he'd do the right think and not do things that are illegal or get him in trouble.  Who do you think will be visiting him when he's in prison? Not his so called friends. YOU.  Nip this is the bud now babe. You want your man honest, healthy and living life to its fullest on the right side of the law. Good luck hun. Do the right thing.
993981
Honestly?  dump them both and move on.  The one in jail is looking for an anchor...someone on the outside that he can sue to maintain his connection to the outside world.  And the one you're dating now seems childish and you dont want to date him anyways.\n\nDo as you wish, but you probably deserve someone who can hold and love you, that's going to take you somewhere besides the sign in line at the jail.
902994
it all  depends on where he is in prison and what he is in for which determines his status as minimum, medium or maximum security.  If you call the prison they will direct you to a set of guideline that they have for each prisoner and what they can and cannot receive  it is usually the policy of prisons to let anyone visit the prisoner as long as that prisoner has that person listed on their can visit roster.  having worked in a prison I can say from experience that what many prisoners love is letter and photos  keep the photos clean and cool and they will most likely let them thru  you may get them back but that is determined by what and how much they are allowed to keep.  Try donating a whole box of paperback books to the prison library.  again they will have to pass inspection but if they let them in your bf will become very popular when everyone realizes that he was the reason that they have different books to read.  above all get in touch with the prison if you can arrange it a visit from you would be the best possible thing that could happen just pay attention to the dress code so you don't get turned away  good luck  he is lucky to have you many gfs leave their bfs when they go in and that is harder than being in in the first place
171520
Love, infatuation, lust...I have no way of telling... and there has to be more to the story than that there is a pregnant girl claiming he's the daddy because THAT alone rarely lands a fella behind bars...but there's a chance he'll be there a while?...Babydoll, I don't know your jailbird, so I can't make any comment about the strength of your feeling for each other or whether or not he'd be worth waiting for, but I can tell you this, with absolute certainty: Loving an inmate is a VERY HARD ROAD....it's about slogging through endless paperwork, it's trying to keep up with rules that seem to change every week, it's waiting for incredibly expensive collect phone calls that might or might not come and when he doesn't call, praying with all your heart that the phones in the day room are just either too busy or broken and that he's not hurt or on lockdown, it's becoming obsessive about checking your mail and the heartsick feeling that comes over you when the letter you want so badly isn't there,it's about getting writers cramp and spending $20 a week on stamps and stationary, it's about dealing with either keeping it secret or dealing with disapproval of the relationship everywhere you turn and mostly it means living in a future you can't be sure of and that really does take a toll.\nIf I had a choice, I wouldn't do it, but I've loved the guy for over 20 years and I can't quit now...and I'm almost 40, so it's not as if I'm spending my youth dealing with the Dept.of Corrections...think carefully, Sweetie, it is a hard, hard thing to do and no guarantees.
962604
Good luck!It's not gonna happen,the prison won't tell you if the person is in there.They cannot give out that type of information.They will assume you are trying to help the person break out or are after the person for some type of vendetta.
81051
It's really your decision but girl the one in jail leave him alone that's just drama waiting to happen.The other on e your dating does he make you happy can you tell him stuff.  I say gurl follow your heart don't be scared it will always lead you in the right direction.
1070506
I strongly encourage you to contact your nearest Prison Fellowship Ministries office. \n\nThey are set up to help inmates just released, just like you. \n\nGod bless, \n\n<><
468886
Hi\n\n    I know this is not what you may want to hear, first of all you said your boyfriend is locked up. He should be happy that you are even sticking by his side while being locked up because as far as I can see what can he do for you while he is locked up. On the other hand if you really love him and want to stick by him totally understandable that is a choice only you can make. I would I advice you to just talk to him and tell him how he makes you feel when he accuse you of things that are not true. If he understands then great if not I would say this realationship is maybe not for you if trust can not be found. I hope I helped!