We have lived 3 miles from her for 4 years now and She has been to our house once.  That was for my baby shower almost 4 years ago.  She is nice to all her grandkids and treats them well but will not drive to see any of them because she says, "I'm the Grandma and I figure the kids have to come over to see ME."  I just do not get this logic. She is even like this at holidays.  She doesn't think anybody should visit their other family for holiday dinners besides her. I'm not opposed to going over there, we do it about once a week but I'm thinking of doing it less than that.  What do you think?  I know nobody is perfect but she can be a big P.I.T.A.  (pain in the a**)
217412
Well everyone must let her know the world revolves around her.  Put an end to it and don't bow down to her anymore.
413009
Maybe it is time for you or one of your Brothers to go visiting with Mom and Sis. I think it sounds like there needs to be more communication between you siblings.\nDoes your sister have anyone that relieves her ever? Is she stuck there 24/7, 365 days a year?\nDon't get me wrong, I love my Mother but she came to visit me for a month and I was so ready for her to leave. She is in good health but she lives in the past. She tells the same stories over and over to the point that I had them memorized myself. \nMaybe it is time for your sister to take a long break, since she is verbally abusive to your Mom. She might be feeling that she is entitle to any money because of the time that she has put in.\nSomeone with suicidal tendencies shouldn't be in charge of any one else, little lone a person in ill health.
129831
Sounds like granny has a sh**** outlook on life. If the baby goes visiting or YOU for that matter......bring out the Duck tape and secure your pants.\n\n\nSERIOUSLY.....get out while U CAN!
385748
When I read this for a minute I was trying to think if one of my friends was asking the question. Lol. This is my mom! I have two kids, and she has only watched them a handful of times, and that is when I ask, like I have a doctors appt. ect. This was EXTREMELY hurtful when I had kids, because she too spends more time with her nieces, which are older. Anyway, I finally talked with her about it and she just explained that younger kids aren't her strong point. When they get older they are easier to care for and won't make one so flustered about getting into things. I've just learned to deal with it. I would advise you're friend to talk to her mom about it, I wrote a long three page letter, that wasn't rude, it was humble and got alot of things out in the open, that was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. But in the long run, things have been SO much smoother between us now. And she understands that it would be helpful for me to get out sometimes with my husband. Anyway, hope this helps. Remember she can't be defensive and rude about it, her mom is not obligated to watch them. But I've been there and done that. Good Luck!
409186
Oh yay, parents.\n\nFact is, she has no bearing on what you and your hubby do in rearing your children (biological or not). You are the functional unit. Tell her that. If she doesn't respect it...reduce the time she is allowed to be around you two. Tell her that you love her, but you have to keep the best interests of your family at heart and she is meddling in business she shouldn't bother with. Tell her that she either stopps or you will have to disallow visits with the kiddos to keep their best interest at heart.\n\nGrandchildren are a privlidge not a right. \n\n\nShe is your momma and I know you love her. I hate it when this type of thing happens. She is jealous of something, maybe it is because she wants to monopolize your love or maybe she is just alone. Tell her you want to help her and have her be a major part of your life and your childrens life. Offer family visits to the psychologist. Grandparents are a blessing and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't have had my Dad's Mom and Dad involved in my life. However, it was a healthy involvement...\n\nI am sorry you are stuck in the middle. That sucks so bad.
379615
Of course you would like to spend Christmas at home with your immediate family, but Christmas is a time of year when ALL the family get together, remember your mom will not be here one day and to her Christmas is seeing her grandchildren. Being a mother myself with 3 children I will be alone as my 2 sons have to work, my daughter has decided to cut me out of her life so I will not see my grandchild for the first christmas . I miss and love them lots, and would give anything to see or hear from my daughter,(her partner started an argument last Christmas)and she has not spoken since. so Please consider your options  very carefully.
524037
She is probably going to go no matter what you say. Your concern is understandable, but she is going where she feels safe, comfortable, and "loved". That does not imply you do not love her or express it. It means her source of well being right now is with her boyfriend. If she is responsible I am sure she has her priorities in order and will make the right choice. If however it does not prove to be what is right for her just let her know before she goes that you are always there for her without, without judgement ...she needs stability that obviously is not present in her home life. As a grandmother be a good listener, and source she can turn to when she needs dependable advise. May God watch over her and guide you both.
27381
This could just be a situation blown all out of proportion.  This is not the first child to come and her expectations could be running very high.\nShe does need to settle down, perhaps if the mother told her that if she cannot act more mature about this that she will not be able to come or come but have the trip shortened.
91334
If she takes you for granted, in my opinion she is going to resent you then. I suppose you are of those free, convenient baby-sitters who are supposed to enjoy it just because it is your grand-son. Im not a grand-mother myself and it will be quite a long time before I become one but I can very well imagine that you want your own life, freedom and taking care of a young child is frankly tiring.\nAfter all she had the child, not you. (I hope that you were not one of those grand-mothers who kept on asking : when are going to have children ? (smile)...that would make things a bit more complicated).\nIf your daughter has money, she could try to find a proper baby-sitter.\nWhat about telling her that you are considering taking a class and you need the time to research it. Something along those lines anyway..\nI don't know your circumstances so I can't really tell.\nWould she really take badly if you calmly told her that you want to enjoy your free-time, you love your grand-son but after all you don't want to be tied.\nI assume that she is working otherwise she would be taking care of her son herself. Of course, she might be trying to make ends meet too.\nIt is a difficult question to answer when one does not know about the full circumstances.
579776
Does she pay your bills, does she feed your one day the niece and nephew may contact you if not when they grow up then contact them and let them know why things turned out the way they did.\n\nSome family's can be rude and use kids as there why of getting people back for their own self motivation thinking it hurts someone else.\n\nWhat goes around comes around when her kids come to visit and they or sitting in your living room you get the last laugh.\n\nI say her drama is self made drama  time is on your side.
542039
Seems like she is making some bad decisons Mom!  But you are allowing them and at the same time trying to restrict them!  You can't do both.  Hard mission as her Mother.\n\nAdvice:  She has made the transition from needy child to adult situations.  BUT, she is now back in YOUR home?  You can instill a curfew regardless of her age out of respect to the peace of mind in your own home.  Demand that she respect that!  Stick to it, or she should locate her own level of permission by moving out or the boyfriend needs to allow her to move in with HIM!  And he probally won't (let's hope) I don't agree with the 28 year old Father of 3 dating an 18 year old at all. \n\nYou absolutely can NOT balance what you want for your daughter and what she wants for herself.  Requiring a time frame for her to be home is different from when she was strickly under your wing.  \n\nThe rules change when she becomes a house quest, self sufficent and reliable to her word.    Sit her down, talk to her, explain your thoughts and concerns.  Give her the ground rules for returning home.  Give her a time frame for making her way back out of her parents home.  6 months should be sufficent.\n\nShe lies due to her feeling like an adult, but still answering to Mom.  Tell her she is an adult, but living with Mom, thus she does have certain obligations toward the family.\n\nI understand your anger Mom.  Give allowances, take no acceptions.
39540
17 years ago I moved 2300 miles away from family and friends.  \n\nThere are times when I miss being able to see them on a whim.  At those times I remind myself that their soap operas are their own.  Their own personal dramas have no effect on my life, and I breathe a sigh of relief. \n\nOf course, moving so far from family has had a direct effect on life choices that we've made.  For example, having children and two working adults is much easier if you have grandparents who are willing to watch the kids.  If Gram's is watching the kids, you're not worrying about child care scandals, and the safety of your kids.\n\nYou'll have to decide how often you'll visit home and make sure to save enough money for visits.  I have missed special occassions that I would not have missed had I been closer.  \n\nAnd, yes relationships will suffer.\n\nAs we get older, my spouse and I have discussed moving back to the East Coast, but are both adamant that neither of us wants to move back to our home town.  We wouldn't want any less than at least one or two states between us and family.  We both value being able to walk away from the dramas, and back to our own, peaceful world. \n\nGood luck with your decision.
623773
my god she should have been walking on cloud nine to have such a hard working husband as you in her life & to beat all she stayed home taking care of the baby theres no time for boredom beleive me. theres something more missing in this picture maybe shes to much confined to the house or maybe having babies were a bit to soon for her it seems like it to me shes just not a family person at all maybe theres something missing in her life who knows if she cant be there for her family than she does need to move on with her life shes not worth having around if its gonna cause problems later on in life >good luck<
218129
Talk about role reversals, they are being childish about this and your being cornered to being the parent of their situation.  In your daughters situation I would simply say you are both welcomed to visit when ever your available, if you don't want to be around when they other is then you settle that between yourselves, your both adults!  As for other arrangements that require you to schedule time for each because they no longer live together...that will have to be dealt with on a individual basis or for the holidays ...birthdays...have the festivities at your place and welcome both...that gives them equal opportunity to spend time with you and your daughter...not to mention being a family for family sake.
452722
Well it is all up to your son to get through to her. He seriously\nneeds to sit down and have long talk with her. He is the father \nof his child and has every right to take his child to visit  both \ngrandparent. It would be different if the grandparents were \ncontrolling, then yes she can have a say so. If she is a compulsive liar, then it hard to believe anything they say, as you \nalready know. They believe in their own lies. It hard to bring them back to reality. It's are up to your son to put his foot down as the\nother parent. They live together and there should not be a one \nparent rule. I'm a Mother and a Grandmother and I only have 2\ndaughters, but one of them is married and if he was a controlling\nyoung man, then I would have a say so. You as a grandparent \nhave every right to see your grandchild.  You say already you \nhave spoken to her already, well you need to keep at it. Maybe she'll give in. For what ever reason she has and as you said \nshe is jealous of you then keep asking the same question, WHY.\nThat is Good that you don't interfere in their lives or tell them what \nto do, and that is what you need to keep telling her. Sit down with\nboth of them and tell them you would be happy to spend quality \ntime with your grandchild in the week-ends. I sure do hope thing\nchange for the better. I told my daughter if my son-in-law was\nto ever keep my grandchildren away from me, then I would\nseriously take them to court for visitation rights. She told me, I\nhad nothing to worry about. Our relationship between my son-\nin-law and myself was rocky in the beginning. But after our \nbig argument, he had found out it was his own mother that was\ndoing are the lieing and turning  the story around. So now I'm\ncloser to them, then his own family is. I help them with the children to where his family doesn't help at all. So I wish you\nthe best of luck.
255083
If I were you, I would comply and ask.  Just go over there and visit to start with.  Surely her parents aren't that strict that she can't have "friends" over.  The more they see of you I'm sure the more comfortable they will be.  Also from what you described, she appears to be the oldest.  Most parents are protective of their first born.  They will eventually have to cut the apron strings.  Be brave, if you don't step up and do this, someone else will.
109971
i am 37 and they told my mom she now has about 8 weeks to go. there are no words anyone can tell either of us. you are not being selfish for wanting your mother to stay alive. our moms no we need and want them. and this, from what my mom says is the hardest thing she has ever had to do in her life. she looks at my kids and my brothers and i. she can't help crying. she knows we are deeply saddened and there is nothing she can do. she was dealt this hand and she is fighting this cancer with all that she has. my heart goes out to you and your family. i cry everyday. at moments i will be numb and i am ok but it only takes one word from someone and tears will come down and i can't stop them. we are to young in our lives to loose our moms. i can't even imagine all the really young people that have gone through this. i do not know about you but if one more person tells me she is going to be going to a better place i will loose it on them. it is not that i do not believe in god i do. but her better place for now is here with her kids and her grandkids. i also have children. and my mom lives down the street from me. they go there everyday for a snack and to see grandma. and like you life without her seems impossible. she will not see my 40th birthday or my kids have their kids. there will be no more mothers days that i can pick her up and take her to lunch. no more she drives me crazy because she is just being a mom. i am sure you can relate to all this. i can't shut it down in my head. the thoughts won't go away. it hurts to bad. i do not know who you are but i will pray for your mother. you have my deepest sympothy. if you ever need to write my e-mail is momof4angelsaz@yahoo.com. who knows maybe we can be a support team. please write and tell me how you and your mom are doing.god bless you and your family