At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. \n\nThat night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" \n\nThe boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. \n\nA minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. \n\n10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. \n\nFinally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."\n\nThe boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."\n\n\nFUNNY RIGHT?
210508
I don't care who you are, thats funny right there!!
72854
1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
431029
Nice one fidgety .Reminds me of this one!\nWhen their marriage went through a rocky patch, a young couple went to see a marriage counsellor. The male counsellor listened while the wife outlined her grievances,the principal one being that her husband neglected her.\n"We've only been married two years," she said," but he never seems to take any interest in me. He never shows any affection. It seems as if he is bored with me already."\nThe husband simply shrugged his shoulders,so the counsellor decided to take drastic action.He went over to the wife and kissed her passionately. As the wife slumped back into her seat in shock,the counsellor turned to the husband and said:"Your wife needs that at least twice a week."\nThe husband replied:" well I can get here Tuesdays and Thursdays."
124559
1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.
484061
I just wanted to remind you that this joke was posted many times.\n.\nA little editing would have shortened the joke.... See, 2 lines are reduced.\n\nfather passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.\n\nThen, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.\n\nIt was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
217800
My brother told me this one :)\n\nLittle Johnny was minding his own business one day when he heard the bed creaking in his parents room. Curious, he opened the door to see his mom bouncing up and down on his daddys tummy. When she was done he got up the courage to ask her what was going on.\n\n"Mommy?" Johnny asked. "Why were you bouncing on Daddy's tummy?"\n\n"Well Johnny," his mommy said, "You know that big bulge daddy has around his middle?"\n\n"Yes." replied Johnny\n\n"Well sometimes Mommy has to bounce on that bulge to make it flat again." \n\nConfused, Johnny looks up at his mommy and says\n\n"I don't know why you bother because tomorrow the neighbor lady will just come over and blow it back up again."
486198
that fit perfectly in women health section!!\nI hope he was drinking water while swallowing!!\nLol.....awesome..thanks for the unexpected laugh!! another good one? so, see you in the Sociology section....!! lmao
219806
Lasermouse:  Sorry, I'm with you but I HAVE to answer this question.\n\nMy son will be born in August...and he is my son.  I don't care if he's straight or gay.  I don't care if he wants to wear pants or dresses.  I don't care if he wants to be a doctor or a clown.\n\nI love my son.  I want him to be happy.  THAT'S my objective.  Not for him to live the life that I prefer...I want him to life the life that HE prefers, and I'll back him up 100%
35797
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.\n\n As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."\n\n The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is."\n\n Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.\n \nShortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother:\n\n Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
458497
The boy takes the girl out to a very fancy restaurant. Its just them 2 there. They get the dinner they had on their first date. he tells her he loves her and gives her some kind of jewlery. Its their 1 year anniversery. Its valentines day. They go home and he has rose petals leading to .a couch? they watch a movie together annd eventually fall asleep. She wakes up and hes already gone- but theres a note. "you looked so cute while you were sleeping, i just couldnt wake you up" Again, rose petals downstairs to a breakfast complete with red&pink fruits . She then realizes its morning.. they kiss..and thats it i guess. \n\nHah, sounds too good to be true but, it could happen !
163105
lol, im going to email that to some of my friends nice one!\n\nheres a joke in retun...\n\n\n\nThere are three men sitting in a waiting room at a hospital. A nurse walks over to the first guy and says,"Congratulations!You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence," he says. "I work for Twin City Federal." A while later, the nurse comes out to congratulate the second guy. "You are the proud father of triplets!" "That's funny," says the new dad. " I work for AAA." The third expectant father jumps up, a look of terror on his face, and runs out of the room. "Sir, where are you going?" the nurse calls out. He yells over his shoulder," I work for 10,000 Auto parts!"
92415
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
462836
Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!" \n\nLottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck.\n\nJock prays again: "Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"\n\nSuddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders: "Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a f#ck!ng ticket
51428
2 greenbeans cross the road. 1 greenbean gets hit by a truck. They both get rushed to the hospital. First greenbeans waits in the emergency room for hours, the docotor finally comes out, and says: "I've got some good news and bad news... " The greenbean says: "Give me the good news first..." Docotor says: "The good news is he's going to live, the bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life......."\n\nA guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck, and the bartender says: Okay dude, you can come in, but don't start anything!\n\nWhy did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station.\n\nA company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. \n\nOn a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!\n\nThe CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"\n\nA little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"\n\nThe CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"\n\nFeeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"\n\nWith a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."\n\n\nAnd that is all I know!
315035
my best joke is long but it isn't super long take a look at it please...\n\n3 guys are walkin in a tropical forest, suddenly they come upon canivals, the canival king say that he will not eat them if they can pass his test, the king explains to the three guys that they all must go out into the forest and bring back 10 of one type of fruit, so all three of the guys head out...\n\nlater the first guy comes back with ten appels,\nthe king explains that to pass the test they must have all the fruit shoved up their butt with out a single emotion shown, so they begin putting in the fruit the first and second appels go in and then on the third one the guy screams out in pain, he is eatin...\n\nLater the second guy comes back with 10 blue berries,\nthe king explains the task to pass his test and they begin shoving,\nthe first 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 berries go in and suddenly the guy burst out laughing..\n\nso up in heaven the first and second guy meet, the first guy asks the second guy " why did you laugh you could have gottin away with it" the secong guy replies \n"i couldn't help it i saw the third guy coming back with pinapples!"
308062
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.\n \nJust before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.  I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."\n \nAnd so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.\n \nWell, he died.\n \nHe was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.\n \nWhen they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"\n \nShe had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.\n \nThen the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.\n \nSo her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."\n \nThe loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word.  I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."\n \n"You mean to tell me you put all that money in the casket with him!!!!?"\n \n"I sure did," said the wife.  "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.  If he can cash it, he can spend it."
315652
A man met a beautiful woman and he decided he wanted to marry her \nright away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." \n\nHe said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." .....\n\nWhoops.\n\n\n\nOk, here is my real joke, the only other one I can remember in my flu delirium.\n\n...as told to me by my best friend when she was eight and I was ten...\n\nIf you are on the potty and you are not American, what are you?\n\nyou're-a-peein'.....