2 of my best best friends are cutters and no matter how much I tell them to stop they won't. What should I do? I have already talked to them about it and they say that it just helps them feel better. I have told counslers about it and they are no help. What can I do?
209557
I would tell their parents.They can try to get them into professional counseling.It doesn't go away on it's own.They may have more serious issues that need looking into.You are a great friend to try to help them.They may get mad at you at first but they will thank you later.Just tell them you care about them that's why you want to help.
112853
My best advice for you is to make sure you dont keep telling her everything shes doing wrong, the first thing you want to do is tell her look you cant do this and everything along those lines, right now she needs to be able to have someone to talk to about why shes doing what shes doing, More then likely there is a root to the problem, shes not as far as she wanted to be at this point in her life, or something, see if she will open up to you about why she feels the need to go out and party like this, more then likely shes tring to "numb" out something, You dont want her to think that your not on her side anymore, and if you tell her everything shes doing wrong she might take it that your tring to rule her life and then she will shut you out, after you see what the root of the problem is you can talk to her about it, tell her that what shes doing is going to make her loose everything she has and your commited to her as a friend to help her out of this hole shes found herself in, and that you care about her health and you dont want to watch her slowly disinagrate her health and you want to help her get past this hard part in her life and get her to trust your recommendations on what you think she needs to do, then once she says she trusts you to guide her out of this problem, (keep in mind you have to get her to see she has a problem, spoon feed it to her so she sees it on her own she has a problem, like wow you used to be able to keep all this going with out a problem, it looks like your struggling, she will know why and see why) THen keep reminding her that you will do what ever she needs, that you will hold her hand in a local AA class, or you will go to a rehab place with her, what ever it takes :)
637401
I am a recovering cutter myself so I can tell you that you cant do anything to make her stop. You can, however, help her by letting her know that you truly care and want to understand. Make sure she knows that whenever she needs to talk you are always ALWAYS available to listen to her. You might try asking her to call you whenever she fights with her mom or whenever her mom hurts her instead of cutting herself.\n\nPeople who cut themselves do sometimes have suicidal thoughts, but the act of cutting is not a suicide attempt in itself. Self-mutilation is a coping mechanism that people use to try to comfort themselves because "normal" coping mechanisms like running, writing, "take a deep breath", etc doesnt work for them. Because of this make sure you never refer to her cutting as wrong or bad or abnormal because its her last resort to deal with her pain.\n\nAs far as telling someone, I would advise you dont tell anyone just yet. Before you tell someone you need to talk to her about it and suggest that you can be with her when she tells someone. If she refuses to tell someone no matter how hard you try you need to tell her that if she doesnt tell someone then you will. Like someone else said, cutting is often a sign of some sort of mental health disorder and can be treated with medication and/or therapy. \n\nGood luck and if you have any more questions or your friend needs someone to talk to who's been through all this PLEASE dont hesitate to IM me on AIM at HeresToGoodnight. Or you can email me at my yahoo email adress and I will be more than happy to help you guys out. Good luck!
575097
Tell Someone. \n\nA lot of cutters do it for attention or to punish themselves.  You do need to tell someone so she can get  help. Tell her mom, your mom, or a teacher. \n\nThe problem with cutting is that not only does it leave nasty scars, can cause serious tendon problems, infections, et cetera. \n\nI mean, hospitalization might be just what she needs....Personally I think she needs someone to talk to. You could sit her down and have a nice long talk with her. \nShe probably needs therapy. I'm not a big fan of psych drugs, but they might be useful in helping her survive through highschool. \n\nI know what your friend is going through. I had a rough childhood and started in with self mutiliation too. I did a lot of stupid things. \n\nThe most important part is that she has a good friend to talk to. She needs to find a healthier way to express anger. I mean lots of teens hate themselves, very few wind up damaging their bodies. \n\nMaybe you could try to help her fit in at school. If you do think she's going to actually hurt herself, get help or something nasty might happen. I mean you don't want to be in the position of wondering if there was something you "could have done", ya know? We don't want her offing herself. \n\nOne way to tell is if they hide it then there are serious problems, if she's flaunting it, she's just out for attention. I'm a little concerned about your friend b/c she's hiding her emotions and acting suspicious. \n\nMy thought is that if you are a good friend, you'll do what's right to ensure her...longevity and minimize the collateral damage, ya know?  This isn't an issue of what You 'want', this is an issue of what She 'needs'....and she certainly needs to stop chopping away at her arms. \n\nGood Luck!
636307
Your best friend doesn't have to care as long as she is a good listerner. That is the main thing. Alot of times you just need to talk. If she is atleast listening....then that is really what you needed aways. Does she help you when you really need it. Can you call her anytime to just talk? Can she call you anytime to just talk. Is it just one sided. Are you there for her every-time she needs something? Does she ever need you and you don't help? Good friends will help you kill someone...Best friends will help you bury them..LOL (only joking) Really ask yourself why you are asking this question,,. It may be because this friendship is one sided. Or  it may be because she has other friends that you are jealous of. I know that doesn't sound good. But, hey it happens..I had what I thought was a best friend. She would help me with anything. Then she moved on...I was hurt and jealous. .She is still a friend. but, I found out she could only have one real best friend at a time..She moves on about every 4 years. She has been through about 6 now. We hardly ever see each other now days.  (Almost Forgotten)
170289
I had a friend that was doing bad stuff, and i just told him to either stop or we wouldn't be friends, and i know you still wanna be her friend, but the thing is that in most cases she will tell you that she will, and you guys will stay friends. If you won't do that then maybe you should start to say subtle things to her about her behavior, just slip them into your conversations, that way she doesn't feel bad. That's my advice.
300489
I am not for sure on what you are trying to find out,like if they are best friends with you,even though they hang out with others?If this is the case,yes,they can be your best of Best's,and still have other best friends as well.It sounds like you are having issues about the loyalty about your friends being true friends with you.If they haven't back stabbed you or caused any harm to you,i wouldn't see what there would be to question.As long as you enjoy hanging with them and when you do everything is as should be in friends,then just relax,and it wouldn't hurt for you to have other group of friends besides them either.About the twin's kissing up to you,isn't cool,for some reason they must feel some uneasiness in order to feel like they have to win you over.Maybe you should tell them that you are their friend and they did nothing wrong by socializing with others,its a big world and there is plenty of people for everyone.Try to make them feel at ease and not threatened in this friendship.Good Luck!
108349
You've told them so that's all you can basically do. To me, that makes you a good friend. She may just be in denial. Be patient with her & always be a good friend.
359947
I have the same problem. my friend thinks just because she's sooooo popular she can stop hanging around her best friend. maybe you should tell her she doesn't know what type of friend she's leaving behind. if she doesn't listen to you, don't hang out with her anymore and ind a new friend.
344197
ppl cut because they are exchanging one kind of pain for another, but you seem to know this. YOU can not help her except by trying to talk her into getting the professional help she needs. you can only be her friend.To start off with I suggest you do all the research you can on this. do a google search, go to the library, go to a med. clinic, go to the school councler, etc... do NOT mention your friends name, YET, .. get all the info you can, then sit down with friend and show her all you know about it... then warn her that if she does not seek help, YOU will..... this is NOT a game.... give friend a certain amount of time to study and look into all this, about a week, anything more is asking for trouble..... then if she has NOT complied to the warning then you must go to her parents or anyother adult you TRUST... you must understand, that untreated cutting leads to  even more serious problems that can result in death !!!!! she will be mad at you for a time, thinking you betrayed her, but the betrayal is by her, to herself !!!!!! When you speak to her uplift her spirits by saying how much you love her, have faith in her to do the right thing and make sure you tell her how much you would miss her if something were to happen..... do NOT pour any guilt on her, or point the finger or blame her or anyone for this... be as positive as you can... BUT, I warn you, this will not be an easy task for you...... YOU must be willing to go all the way with her..... I mean do not just start this and then forget about it if she does not seek help herself...... you take the first step you have taken on a commitment !!!!!!!! so if you do not wish or have the ability to take this on, then PLEASE, take this to an adult you TRUST and let them handle it..... your friend will never have to know you took the loving step to save her life............. God bless
154879
From personal experiences growing up, I know how much that can hurt; I'm very sorry you're going through this. \n\nMy best advice for you would be to ignore the cruel things she says and does to you. I know that it's very hard to turn a blind eye, but sometimes that's all you can do.\n\nI would also suggest that you not try and be friends with her. You should be courteous to her, but you do not need to be her best bud. If she is such a mean girl, do you really want to become her friend? Girls like that are very charming and manipulative. They can get you to do things you would never dream of doing. I once became good friends with the "mean girl" of my school (just so she wouldn't be mean to me), and she pulled me into the peer abuse with her. Before I knew it, she was having me say and do horribly mean things to the girl that had been my best friend since I was 4. I did horrible things to her, and I live with that guilt every single day of my life, even though now we're both grown women and she has told me that I am forgiven. It's a horrible feeling, let me tell you.\n\nSo, to sum up this short novel I've written: Don't pay attention when she does crap to you. When you try and fight back, you're just feeding the beast. Kill her with kindness, but do not try and become her pal. It will only hurt you in the long run.\n\nI truly hope your situation gets better real soon!
531948
Try to talk to her. My best friend is having a problem like this right now, and the best thing to do is try and talk it out. If she won't talk to you, get a new friend.
270602
My son, who is age 16, didn't go as far as your friend did. He just recently got out of a special hospital here that deals with this type of situation. I honestly know how you feel, but mine goes deeper because it was my son. His depression started when he lost his best friend to suicide, and I've been helping him try to cope with this, it happened in March. Then, the next thing I knew, we went for a regular checkup at the doctor's office. And then I heard him say he tried to cut his hand off when he was at his dad's house, but a neighbor stopped him. That's when the doctor put him in the hospital. Now, he is on medication to deal with his depression. We both get counseling together with a therapist and separately we see different psychiatrists to help us both cope with everything. You don't say exactly how you caused him to flip out and get depressed again. But, I have learned that I wasn't the blame for my sons actions. I felt that it was my fault, that I had said the wrong thing to make him upset. He was depressed from not only his best friend committing suicide, he was getting pressure to do things from friends his age, alot of things was building up inside his mind that he couldn't cope with the world around him. Your friend may have already had problems built up inside that whatever you said may have just triggered past emotions. Not what you had said in that moment of time. You mentioned that everyone cuts ourselves, I'm sure that you meant that when we peel potatoes or apples, that sometimes we may cut our finger by accident. We don't purposely do it. The best advice I can give you is to stand by your friend because he needs all the support you can give him. I'm sure the doctors will give him medication to help his depression. It may take time for the meds to work, but you seem to like your friend very much. Even if you can go to a support group, which several places have free support groups to help cope with your friends depression and it may help you understand that it isn't your fault. Good Luck and if you need to talk to someone, you can get to my email by clicking my name. The email address is hidden.
216135
Not to make light of the situation, but tell them to grow up because you are too mature for all this drama.  Ask them why you can't have two best friends?
662636
There are a lot of reasons people cut themselves.  If it's a close friend you're talking about, maybe you could ask her why she does it.\n\nFor some people, cutting is a way to get attention.  People tend to look down on people who do this, but really cutting for attention is an act of despiration, and definitely still means there's something wrong.  I've read about kids who cut for reasons like their sibling is really sick and they feel like everyone is paying attention to their sibling and ignoring them.  Or it might be because they're in a really bad situation at home or at school and don't know how else to ask for help.  Or it may just be that they have the kind of personally that likes attention.\n\nAnother reason some people cut is because they think it's cool. This isn't the case for most cutters, but some people, especially young teens, start cutting because their friends do it or because they think it will make them seem more grown up.\n\nThe last major reason people cut, and the hardest to understand, is to deal with emotional pain or stress that they can't deal with other ways.  People who do this will usually try to hide their cuts and keep it secret, so people tend to associate cutting with the first two reasons more than this one, simply because they don't know about this last reason.  For some people it basically serves as punishment for something they feel guilty about.  For some it makes them feel alive when they feel emotionally numb.  For others, it helps them deal with other things.  I'm not entirely sure why this last one works, but I think it is basically because the physical pain takes your mind off the emotional pain, and physical pain is easier to deal with.  I'm not sure that really explains it, but it's the best I can do right now.  If you want to know more about it you're welcome to email me by the Answers contact link and I can try to explain it a bit better.
335574
I've had friends like that too. And you can only do so much. Sometimes, they need to learn on their own, as much as it may hurt you to see them get hurt, but at least you know that you have trie to advise them well. However, let them know that you are there and that you are willing to listen. Perhaps, you can find a place where they help teens with problems and get help together.
461493
Ok..you need to talk to them. Ask them why they have such a problem w/ you. Tell them that youre not talking to the devil & thats crazy anyways. Tell them that you have asthama & would never encourage your friend to do something that would hurt them in the long run. Tell them that youre actually trying to make her stop. Theres nothing you can do if they dont listen then. Even have your friend be there to help discuss so she can back you up on it. Good luck hun.