My boyfriend is 42 and I'm 24. We had been couples for the past 1 year but i can only remember the times we faught, argues and had problems. The probles is that he doubts me that i'm sleeping around with other men and whenever he calls at odd hours, I should pick up his calls, if not, i'd get the title of sleeping around or having other guys around me and tht's why i didn answer his calls.I have to cry and hurt myself to prove him my love but then, after the cooling off period, he's nice again to me and if i fail to answer his calls when i'm bz or etc, well u know what name i'd get from that. I used to keep up with him and din't want to "break up" because i thought my life would be lonely and he's the only man i communicate with. i'm an introvert and i hardly mix around, so when this 42 yr old divorced guy came to me, i felt happy but as time went by, my mind was tortured.it's been 4 days, i broke up with him upon my request. I have not heard from him or spoken to him.he doesnt call me after accusing me tht i'm with another men.i Look sick, and warn out and i am just sick looking at myself. none of my family members knows abt this r/ship or else my parents wud get very upset. and each time they ask me why i look "sick", i'd just tell them it's work pressure, etc. I dont know what's happening to me. My hair is dropping and i look so sick. I even have eye bags. I thought of caling him, but then my inner self is halting me from goign thru any more mental abuses. but this loneliness is killing me.. Oh god! Please HELP!
217014
I don't kno how 2 being be here goes. Have u ever considered that these accusations might be a reflection of wat he is doing to u? He might b the 1 that's cheating honey. Or he might jus hve trust issues and u don't want to hve anything 2 do with that, cause u'll always have 2 end up proving ur self to him and this will drive u insane. Stop hurting urself, it does u no good and i jus shows him he can control u. I kno love makes us do crazy things but i doesn't sound like this love is mutual. U are so young and i'm sure u are very beautiful so stop the damage u are doin to ur body no one deserves that. Do me a favour if u are crying now cry and cry and cry but when u stop make sure that's the last drop that u shed. Ur rela.. with this guy wasn't goin anywhere if he could accuse u and hurt u feelings with no regard. Pls go have a nice long bathe when u finish cry, will bubbles and everything. Place some cucumber on those eyes of yours. Or some used tea bags.Make sure its warm water to revonate ur skin. I kno its only 4 days ago but ur health is at stake here. U need a friend some one u can tell face to face to comfort u, u need a hug, i wish i could give u 1. U may not hve an appetite so drink lots of water. If u do want 2 eat, go hve a nice meal. Get out of ur room, and go sit in the park feel the wind on your face take a friend with u, u need some moral support, this is very imp. I kno u may not want 2 go out but i'm deeply concerned about ur physical health. \nPls don't call him this will only depress u more. He's not calling cause he never really cared that much in the first place. I can't stress enough how hard this is and the strenght that it will take 2 overcome this aspect of your life. But u are very strong, 2 be with a man like that and still come out sane. U are beautiful. Ask GOD for the strenght to overcome all this pain that u are in now. Pls don't leave this too long i would like u 2 get better. The longer u leave it the harder it'll be 2 overcome. B strong I kno u are!
15818
Your partner might feel the same way.  Don’t be afraid.  Try to have a leave headed discussion.  Don’t drag in past fights.  Be fair, let them know you still care but that you are suffering and you know they are too.  You want them to be happy and you want happiness for yourself.  I hope this helps.
593479
By the way you describe your relationship, you want out. I know that you are feeling stuck, confused, and completely stressed because you feel like you are in a relationship where you are being suffocated and you don't know where you will be if you get out of something that you are so used to. I don't need to tell you you need to get out, you basically said it in your question. If someone is holding you back from your goals and dreams for their own selfish motives, why stay? Also if the bad out weighs the good what do you think that does to your happiness? Life is not meant to live it unhappy, you make make what you want of it. Also each day that passes is a day that you will never get back, and to live them miserably is not worth it. You seem to be looking for excuses not to get out because you are afraid to be alone. Loneliness is not a fun thing, but it's almost if you have been alone with this guy who does not support you. You have your daughters and you have your ambition to progress in life. You can definitely love again! Then are BILLIONS of people in this world, I'm pretty confident that you will find love with someone who will treat you how you want to be treated and support your ideas. It could just be one of those co-workers or friends that have been complimenting you. Good Luck!
194156
First I have to say that kunjaldp's comment was completely uncalled for!  You put your question in the wrong section, but SO FRICKING WHAT?!  If he labels every person who ever makes a tiny little mistake a "loser," then my guess is that he's a really pitiful excuse for a human being and he'll be really lonely (if he isn't already) because NOBODY will ever want to have anything to do with him -- and guess what -- that makes HIM a LOSER!  OK, now that I've gotten that off my chest, let me answer your question.\n\nI have to let you know that I was in the same situation a few years ago.  I'd been with a man for 11 years (he was unmarried) and I was emotionally tortured by his escapades with other women, which he didn't even make an effort to keep secret from me.  I wasted so much time trying to figure out how to make him faithful and how to make him love me enough to treat me the way I longed to be treated.  When it started affecting other aspects of my life (I wasn't sleeping well or eating right, which, in turn, affected my job performance), I sought counseling.  It took a little while, but I finally came to realize that I deserved much better, and as long as I was with him, I was never going to be happy.  Loving somebody shouldn't make you miserable.  After some work on myself in counseling, I got the emotional strength to leave him -- the best thing I ever did for myself!  Yes, it hurt like hell at first, but the good news is that the pain was only temporary.  If I'd stayed with him, I would have been in emotional pain for however long I remained with him.  And a bonus -- I was free to live my life the way I wanted and to meet somebody else (which I did).  Now I'm in a very stable, faithful and incredibly wonderful relationship with a man who treats me like a princess!  So, my advice to you is to first get some counseling to work on yourself (not the relationship) so that you can gain the self confidence and strength to do what you need to do (which is leave the man).  From there, a whole wonderful world awaits you -- you'll see.  Good luck!
241421
It's normal.. we all go through the same thing.. (I mean unless we had a flamin' bad break up that is!) Does the current bf know about this? ..and deal w/it? He sounds like a kool dude if so. It'd be hard, but could ya like change where ya R hangin' out, so ya 2 don't meet up? I kow it's rough if ya got the same friends, right? If ya have a bad breakup ONE of the good things about it is you got a TON of bad info. to use mentally to get over the bad dudes. I mean if he beat ya up, dissed ya, you gotta make that memory a WHOLE lot better.. (helps ya get over the hurt.) How long it been since ya broke up? It'll get better, I promise! If it's too new a hurt, I think it's kool ya got wit another guy already too.. later-     melancholia
623799
Gurly-Q, I will pray for you!! I too was lied to, betrayed, and deceived over and over for 6 years with my EX. Keyword is EX! You can only be hurt by this man and others like him. Once you decide to no longer be afraid that a better man won't come down the pike, you will be able to move on. I decided I would rather be alone for the rest of my days than listen to another lie and be expected to believe it and instill that trust back to him. I know being single sucks but it also rocks! You can go on several dates in a week if you want and YOU call the shots! My mom once told me, "With one of these (indicating female anatomy), you have the power and can get as many of those (men) you want." Take back your power, babygirl. The next time you go on a date, look for signs that he is a deceiver. Ask pointed questions and be upfront about things you are not looking for. I, too, have thought things would be easier if I dated women...but it's still a relationship. If you really love women, go for it, babe. But, if you absolutely love men, you can't let this make you bitter toward them and start batting for a team you don't feel 100% part of. Also, I think every girl out there that hasn't just settled for a guy has been through this...you are so not alone. My heart really does go out to you, sister in misery!
591881
Its really fun....I'm going through the same thing myself...my girlfriend of 2 yrs called it off 3 days ago and I'm suck in the same predicament. I absolutely can relate to you because I'm afraid that I won't ever find someone that I care and love. Not to mention she was my first girlfriend. To make it worse she tells me that she doesn't really see a future with me even though she tells me she loves me. Anyways I just want to tell you that its ok and hopefully both of us will be ok in the future. I wish you luck and I feel your pain. Oh, and the Dr. Steve answer is not fair... I'm not a teenager and I'm going through this so to say that "its a meaningless relationship" is cruel.
411795
god forgive me for stereotyping but I only have limited info for going on! from what you say, there is only one adult in the relationship and it's not him!!!\nok, he sounds like a typical man, wanting to have his cake and eat it too - basically he feels it's a bit wrong to be with you, but he wants you to make it ok.\nso he's being cautious and flaky so that most of the hard work comes from you and you end up saying all the stuff people usually don't want to be the first to say (ie tell me how you feel/why are you sending out mixed signals - making you look needy)- don't fall into that trap. as much as you want some clarity, pull back and let him do the hard work. it is obvious he likes you despite the age diff (dirty old man - just kidding) so he will try to engineer the opportunity to kiss you again- at which point, i think you should play a bit hard to get so he has to SAY those things he is obviously avoiding saying  in case it all goes tits up, i presume. \nanyway, only my opinion, so let me know if i was totally wrong - and good luck!!!
401794
I think you know the answer already yourself... 9 yrs, a long time and I'm sure that you have both had many ups and downs, and that should be proof that this will last forever,because after all you are STILL together 9 yrs on. You have come through so much and still standing. You ask the question because its natural... its the biggest commitment you will ever make and no one can tell you what to do. Only you can decide. And as the saying goes " Time will tell" .Unless he is treating you "badly" or harming you in anyway, perhaps the time is now. And Yes, it is normal to feel this way. .... Good luck to you.
289886
Honestly i think he's just confused and needs time with out you so that he can see how much he needs you. He might just need room to realize that you all do belong together. Talk to him get all your feelings out because if you keep anything in and away from him you will lose him for longer than planned. trust me. My boyfriend and i were about to take a break and i told him exactly how i felt i was scared to do it because i didn't want him to feel like i was making him stay but he said that he was glad i told him because it let him know that i care deeply for him. Just try talking to him about it and see what happens from there.
497889
As soon as you get some self respect you'll realize he isn't worth putting yourself through all this!  You said he repeatedly hurt you (that is NOT love) doesn't care anything about your or your kids (that is NOT love).  Why bother with him?  You can go find a good man and move on.  He'll keep using you as long as you let him.  You've already given him 13 years of your life.  Thats 13 years you'll never get back--from a man you said yourself doesn't love you.  Or your kids.  They should be a high enough priority in your life that you stay away from him.  Is he the kind of male role model you want them to see?  Is this unhealthy, hurtful relationship how you want to teach them to live their lives?  They'll end up unhappy, too.  Move on for everyone's sake.  Good luck!
229496
I am 32 and i been in 3 relationship that i was really in love and the men walk out iwas even married and i let go it was hard dut i make my self happy  and they all came back ,know i am with one ....just don't call ,don't look,just be happy love your self first...
411965
It sounds as if you had a hot and heavy thing going online and on the phone (cyber and/or phone sex?). When you do that with a guy (most guys, anyway), and you plan on a hot and heavy night, naturally he's going to  be disappointed and even feel rejected if you don't follow through.\n\nNot that you can predict physical chemistry. There are times I've felt 'chemistry' over the phone or computer, and then ZAP... nothing... when we met in real life. You can just never tell.\n\nBut my guess is that when you said you needed to get home to your son, he thought to himself that you just weren't attracted to him at that point, especially if he knew your son is 15. A 15 year old boy with 102 fever can take care of himself for one night, or at least a few hours, especially if you're that intereseted in having sex. So it probably also seemed a little transparent to  him as well. Once when I was out on a date, the woman's friend called her on her cell phone and told her she had to come over. I forgot exactly what it was for, but my feeling was that it was a little feeble. I think that people (immature people, likely) have an 'out' of sorts, where if a date's not going well, they'll have a friend call, or something like that, so there's a ready-made excuse to get out of there.\n\nDid you ever get back to him? We guys can't do ALL the work, you know!\n\nIf you're as youthful as you sound, don't sweat it. There will be plenty of opportunities. Just make sure you have your priorities straight. Physical relationships don't usually last very long and become pretty empty if there aren't any feelings of emotional connection to go along with them.\n\nGood luck.\n\n______________________
569218
i can totally relate. i am the only single girl in a group of 10 girlfriends-they're all in long-term relationships and getting married. i haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, and in the past i've had my share of no-so-great men. but i'm happier alone than unhappy. we just have to realize that we are still young-we still have lots ahead of us and we will find that 4% of good men in this world to be good company with:)\n\nps i look at half of the relationships my girlfriends have and i'd rather cut off my foot than be in some of their positions, anyway. some are stuck with emotionally abusive/selfish men, selfish lovers, drinkers, or just herpes and scared to move onto another relationship because of fear of rejection (woo hoo! yeah, i'm sure your man isn't cheating, the disease just showed up!)... you name it.\n\ni'm sorry about your divorce and about how one man found it appropriate to break it off with you in a pretty cowardly way. i think time for you will wear things off a bit.. hang in there! you know you will end up with someone who is GOOD for you\n\ngod bless
303260
Atrabel, I was once in your shoes. When i broke up with my ex which was about 4 years back, i really felt lonely. It took me 2 years to get over her. Guessed I really loved her back then. Loneliness comes because you don't get to do the usual routines with your bf anymore i.e talking on the phone, shopping, etc. In this situation, one might feel depressed and lonesome. But hey, I was lucky I have good friends to support me. You don't have to do those things with your bf, you can share it with your friends and family instead. It might feel weird for the meanwhile, but trust me, u'll get over it in no time. Time will heal the wound, and if u need love... families and friends will do. They give tremendous sense of security. In the mean time, don't just sit there doing nth. Go out and meet new people, make new friends! There are so many things that you can enjoy doing urself as well. I've been single ever since, and i'm still happy. Time will tell when I'm ready for a steady relationship :) all the best sweetie!
305699
That's a real tough one. And millions of others have been through the same thing. I am not going to lie to you and say it'll be easy, especially since you work with him. It's a process that you have to go through taking one day at a time. I think it's a pretty sure bet that if you got back together that the same thing would happen again.You may love him but he has to find his way back to you if and when he realizes that it's you he really wants to be with. So as hard as it is, let him work things out for himself. If you have close friends or relatives spend some time with them and if you have interests then try to keep yourself busy without over doing it. It's hard, but I think a person has to learn to try to relax as much as possible in a situation and not allow depression to creep in and get a grip. Don't let obsessive thinking get the better of you. In a sense it is an opportunity for you to learn to enjoy just being alive and being your own person. Some men and women keep making the same mistake bcause they either let someone back when it's not wise because they love them and are lonely, or they get involved with someone new, too soon, and the cycle repeats itself. Like I said, don't fixate on it, but try to enjoy each day as much as you can. You will have down times, but over time you can and will recover and you may discover a brand new life for yourself. So allow yourself to grieve a little but let yourself have hope for your future too.
659821
There are a few questions you should ask yourself....\n1)why should you fret over your friends opinions?\n2) were you comfortable with the relationship before you told your friends?\n3)Is the fact that you are being teased about it the only reason you are now concerned?\n4)Do you genuinely have strong feelings for this person?\n5)How would you feel if you gave them up for your friends?\n6)Do you feel the aquaintance of this person is enriching your life?\n7)Are you already thinking on the long term?\n8) If it ended, would you be thankful just to have experienced this persons affection?\n\nNow, If it feels right to you, tell your friends that you understand their concerns, but that you want to give it a whirl and have some experiences. Understand also that  although your friends are an important part of your life, your romantic relationships are between you and your partner, and no one should be allowed to sabotage that. Even if you eventually end the relationship, a true friend will still be there for you. If you are thinking on the long term, consider this.....What does satisfying sex entail for you at the age of 19? Is it mostly just physical or is it a true soul-satisfying experience just to be with this person, whether the physical part is strong or whether it is lacking? How important is it to you to have the capability to have a physically satisfying sexual experience in the years to come? Is it enough to just be together emotionally, without the sex?\nLet me explain why I asked you to ask yourself this: I am now 37 yrs old, married 15 yrs. I have experience here, although all relationships cant be judged as if you had a crystal ball....\nWhen I was 16, I went MAD over a MUCH older man. He was  42. yes 26 yrs older. A few of my buddies ragged me some, but I let it slip without having an issue. I enjoyed being with him and it was my relationship, not my friends. Buddies can't supply you with what a romantic partner can emotionally.He was so wonderful, and just being in his presence was emotionally enough. However, he was much older, and parts of him just didn't work well anymore...I was ok with that ( although I wanted more), we did other things to try to compensate for what was lacking. He eventually bowed out of the relationship because he was continually disappointed in his inability to do what it is that men do.\nOf course, all men won't have this problem, but as they age, it is not going to comply to his every whim! On the other hand, when I was your age, I had several relationships I just knew would last forever.....and they were over in what felt like a heartbeat. \nSo, if it feels right, I say go for it, if it goes long term, I hope you care enough for him to overlook any issues he may end up with. and that you are easily emotionally satisfiable. I have a feeling that there will be many more relationships for you down the road, but I could be wrong! Love can amaze us all!\nI have been married now for 15 yrs to a man who is 10 yrs older than me, and believe me when I say, older is better...in a long term relationship that is. They have more experience and are not as easy to fly off and freak out like someone younger. Patience is a virtue, knowledge is wisdom, and that comes with age. But do understand this yet again...when they get older, parts don't work as well as they used to....it's not easy for me to deal with, but I love him, so I do. And the mid-life crisis' generally start at around age 44......and that is worse than one that doesn't work!