i found some very funny outgoing messages at http://www.psychicgoldfish.com/sub_page/answerin.htm\nplease send me yours, i'm trying to find a good one to my answering machine. Thanks!
203697
Hello?...... Hello?........ Hello?..... Can't hear a thing!..........Can you speak into the phone?........ Hello!?  Ok, I'm just kidding, and all the yelling in the world will not help you. Leave a message after the beep, bye!
581536
hehehe i thought i might be talking to someone slightly insane and living in fantasy...doh! how disopointing! Ah well plenty of other nut cases on here ;)\n\n:)\n\nx
458972
That's hilarious! Where did u get that?LOL! =D\n(That's the best one I've heard all day!)ThanQ!
459029
Got this in the mail last week\n\nA blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each\n> other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if\n> she would like to play a fun game?\n> \n>   The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap,\n> politely declines and rolls over to the window to\n> catch a few winks.\n> \n>   The lawyer persists and explains that the game is\n> easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you a\n> question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay\n> me $5.00, and vise versa.\n> \n>   Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.\n> The lawyer, now agitated, says, Okay, if you don't\n> know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't\n> know the answer, I will pay you $500.00. This\n> catches the blonde's attention\n>   and, figuring there will be no end to this torment\n> unless she plays, agrees to the game.\n> \n>   The lawyer asks the first question. What's the\n> distance from the earth to the moon? The blonde\n> doesn't sa a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out\n> a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.\n> \n>   "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."\n> \n>   She asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with\n> three legs and comes down with four legs?\n> \n>   The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer\n> and searches all his references, no answer. He taps\n> into the air phone with his modem and searches the\n> net and the library of congress, no answer.\n> \n>   Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and\n> coworkers, to no avail.\n> \n>   After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her\n> $500.00. The blonde says, Thank you, and turns back\n> to get some more sleep.\n> \n>   The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed,\n> wakes the blonde and asks, Well, what's the answer?\n> \n>   Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse,\n> hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
659805
that's a gr8 one. i really enjoyed it. hope u send some more. \nur cool!!!\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nthis is the way i keep an old fart busy for 14 seconds.\nbye! \nit was a joke!
155048
hahaha this guy has the wierdest/funniest posts...keep it up..:( funniest person on this website
500020
I did try to discuss this topic with "Ouzian" in IM, to no avail.  Her claims of worries that her posts will be deleted show her persistence, fortitude, and concern.  ( I commend you for these projections of qualities, but)  The obvious glaring of extreme need to spread this word, this message, is shown by her >>(assumption based on avatar), other postings regarding the same subject.  It is also very clear that what her expressions convey in regards to this matter, are sprinkled with her fears.  And I also feel that based upon her posts, her links, and her blog information, that she wishes and intends to spread these fears.  It is clear, this fear does, as she does mention, help rule, and control.  (And I do agree with this).  There are many ways to control, or govern, a mass of people, and, some of these ways to govern have proven to be effective, and some very ineffective. (In regards to the best way for ALL social situations which we as a human race on earth face today-and there are many)  But the mystery truly is not what lies beneath Ouzians belief, and its possibility of validity, not at all!  The real mystery is why then does she not wish to participate in discussions in IM, or through other modes of correspondence with others, like myself, who show EFFORT in wishes to participate, and listen, in the direct concern towards her messages of understanding or beliefs, that could possibly lead to other followers of her belief, and help her cause?   (Persistence, fortitude and concern?)  To me this lack of communication shows contradiction in motive, shows lack of intitiative, NO EFFORT, and therefore, PROVES that some great "efforts" without real ACTION, are, like time does prove some things to be, ineffective, and, it is like trying to climb to the top of a pole that is covered in grease. (wasted energy).  I have many, many opinions in regards to what is going on in the world today, and have even been very expressive of these opinions to many people, through many modes of expression, and have always welcomed any open discussion to help people see the good, and bad, in different ways of having things work, globally.  (Because obviously, some things just don't work-that pole thing again.)   At this stage of the game, the most important thing is to keep the big-picture in mind, the long-haul.  Strengths and Weaknesses,  Problems and Solutions.   So, please help me understand then, Ouzian, why do you run so very, very fast, but insist on doing so by running in place?  Ineffective.  My real question to YOUR question, since I have already answered, and I will find it fair that YOU do not breach MY allowance in expression on the matter which you brought forth, in public forum, and at hand, now being met with discussion, as you wish-is that true mystery- Why did you even bother to post this?
403740
Very funny\nNow I got to Text that to every body, Thanks!\n\nI wonder what you would get if you cross a Shih Tzu with a Bull dog?
106678
I love this email. God Bless Miss Marina, and congratulations on your upcoming birthday.\n\n+Michael
278439
If you're being harressed by unseen entities, I can email you a talisman for protection and warding off spirits.\nI do this for free.\n\nIf you're interested, email me.
178621
I can't discount the possibility of there being real live psychics out there somewhere, but I do know that anyone who is trying to sell you their powers, like the amazing Miss Cleo, is a fake, phony charlatan. Be skeptical, Demand proof.
150986
Yes I have.  At the end of last July.  She told me that I would be offered a job in 8 days but I wouldn't take it.  I wasn't, but I was offered a job on Aug 8th (a transfer at work) but it wasn't the right job for me so I didn't take it.  She told me I would go on a weekend trip in the fall.  I didn't, but we did go in February.  She told me I would have 2 children, and get pregnant in 2007.  She told me I would live a long life and retire early.  I can't say it's all BS or that it was accurate.  Only time will tell.  I will say that my mom and her friend both had very accurate readings done when they were younger.  Her friend was told she would marry a bald headed male and that the number 2 is significant.  She did and his last name was pronounced like the number 2.  I believe most psychics are fake and doing it for the money, but I do believe there are authentic ones out there and that it is possible to predict the future... however only the most likely future... the future I believe is in our hands to mold and shape the way we want to.  Without any interference or attempt to change the future, psychic readings can come true.
491703
Here is a nice chat server that my displaced friends from MSN chat have been using it is called Buzzen allot of "Baby Boomers" there http://www.buzzen.com registration is free nothing to download only a active x plug in first time you visit
277784
i found this site and it has lots of really cool smileys, hope you enjoy it as much as i do! LOL
186006
I got one from a friend of mine that is a New Zealander. I can't put it in here, it's to "BIG," but if you Email me with your address, I will cut and paste it, and send it to you. It's the funniest one I have ever heard as to date. This also shows you what that side of the World thinks of George Bush. My email is on my page, and your welcome to use it.
279383
Awww...juicy oppurtunity.  Send 'em to: handsomerockus@yahoo.com
646900
These were sent to me in an email one time.\n\n\n********************************************************************\nA blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. \nHer boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"\n\nThe blond replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."\n\nThe boss feeling very sorry for her says "Why don't you go home for the day. We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."\n\n"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." \n\nThe boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blond. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying. \n\n"What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.\n\n"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!"\n\n************************************************************\nDid you hear about the two blondes that froze to death in a drive-in movie?\n\nThey went to see "Closed for the Winter."\n\n************************************************************\nWhy did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? \n\nShe heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.\n\n************************************************************\nA blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. \n\n"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.\n\n"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. \n\n"What?"sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"\n\n"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." \n\n"So then?" asked the doctor.\n\n"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." \n\n"So then?"\n\n"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."\n\n************************************************************\nDid you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? \nThere was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.\n\n************************************************************\nA blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. \n\n"Look, said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." \n\n"I know,"agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.\n\n************************************************************\nA blonde was shopping at a Target store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.\n \nThe clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos. It keeps things hot and some things cold." \n\n"Wow!", said the blonde, "That's amazing, I'm going to buy it!" \n\nSo she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.\n\n"What's that," he asked? \n\n"Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things co