I was in a relationship for two years with my girl, who was my soulmate, and best friend.  We started dating when I was separated from my wife, and I am now getting a divorce (its complicated)  She left me in november when she was cheated on me with a Co-worker.  She said she was tired of waiting.  She came back in January, and never told me about them, I found out three weeks ago, and she said she wanted to work it out, and that she couldn't understand why I was forgiving her.  (it's because I love her unconditionally).  But last week she told me she was in love with this other guy and wouldn't get over it.  I found out last night she had cheated on me with him again after I found out and she said she wanted to work it out. She said she is afraid that it wouldn't work out with us and she doesn't want to take that chance.  How do I go on when nothing has any flavor anymore?  I love her so much, why am I not worth taking a chance on? Please help me.  I am so alone.
203154
Hmmm...sounds like you ARE 'worth' it, but she sure as h*ll ISN'T !!!! If she truly loved you she would support you and wait (seems at least you were trying to get things finished w/your ex) If she 'cheated' then and then turned around and did it again, then she ALWAYS will. You may love HER, but she doesn't love YOU. The hardest thing to do is to 'see' someone you love for who/what they truly are. I had to go thru it w/mine. I loved her and even asked her to marry me; she said no and less than 6wks later married someone else. (found out last week he left and they're going to be divorcing) Also found out after we broke up her nickname from the small-town she lived in was 'the town wh0re' (nice huh ?!) sure you'll probably find out petty much the same thing.....(sorry!) Don't waste your time on someone who won't give you theirs. \n\nHere's the other 'donwside' finding a good woman is about like going on a quest for a unicorn ( we've HEARD they exist; supposedly beautiful, magical, etc; some believe in them; none have been reported lately....... )\n\nTo get a divorce, things must have been bad with the ex-wife; and now then this..!!! Get a Harley, forget about women for a while and enjoy life ! Everything happens for a reason. Her f*cking everyone ELSE happened now, so that you won't have to go thru that later. \n\nIt sucks dude! Been there! you have my complete sympathy!\n\nHang in there.
22358
From the sound of this. You cheated in the past. And trust is something that is very hard to achieve onces a person feels stabed in the back. But that is the price you have to pay now for going out and cheating on her. Is it worth staying toghether? well that is something you gotta sit and talk to her about. Make sure she understand you do love her and you messed up in the past but your over that and want her in your life and no body else. Make sure she understand that you understand where she is coming from, and that you understand the pain and grief you caused your family.\n\nOnce everything is said and done. You 2 have to make a decisino based on your situation. Whats best for the kids. You 2 staying togher and always arguin about trust issues and your kids growing up with that in mind. Or going your seperate ways but still keep really close contact with your kids.
576569
Peace B,\n\n  I got you on this one money.  I was married and my ex cheated on me.  Now I know that is more severe than your situation as the difference is the covenant with God thing.  However, a promise is a promise in anyone's eyes.  and a broken promise wreaks of selfishness.\n   See, if a person wants to be with you, then they will be.  It's as simple as that.  And if they end up doing something with someone else, that means they're unhappy either with themselves or you.  But not enough to leave.  So things can be salvagable.  However, it takes time and trust for that to happen.      \n   So, if you really want to stay in that relationship, you have to get honest answers from your girlfriend.  Like why she cheated and why she didn't just leave or say something if she was unhappy.  Ask what made her stray from home?  It's been said that if you'll cheat once, you'll do so again.  The million dollar question is does SHE really want you or just the security you bring to her situation?  And if she wants you, how committed is she to you the person? \n   Here are some DON'T DOs:\n\nDon't start clocking her time.  If you treat someone like a child, they will rebel.  Make her responsible for "HER".  As was the case originally, the truth came out.\n\nDon't stop being who you are and walking on egg shells.  Try to return some normalcy to your relationship.  It may be hard, but it's worth it.  \n\nGet her to talk to you about what's up with her.  And if you fight all the time, just end it.  No relationship is worth that much hardship.  Learn to accept that sometimes, it's not meant to be.\n\nGet ya sex life on track.  Cause if it ain't good at home, it'll sure be somewhere else.\n\nHope that helps.\n\nPeace and B well,\n\nJ
134953
Dude I just went through this same exact thing.  Your only missing her cause she was there for you and now theres no one.  I took her back after she tried the new guy, and two weeks later, she dumps me for other guy she just broke up with.  I wasnt hurt cause I knew it could happen so I didnt let myself get too involved.  But my advice, just move on, find someone new to love, there more fun, and you dont have to worry about her going back for the other guy.  She already left you once, dont let her walk all over you.  Hope this helps.
625942
Sounds to me like shes moved on and you are just a past time for when she is bored. I think if I were you I would move on and forget her. I dont think I would be looking for suggestions to get her back, theres a saying that says something about set it free and if it comes back its love if it doesnt than it wasnt meant to be, something like that lol so if she didnt come back than shes not going to. You deserve someone who will love you no strings or plans attached, so your only cheating yourself and her if you try to get her back and she doesnt want to be back it wont work out again it will only be worse.
70925
Well he has betrayed you and it will take alot of work on his part to build that trust back up again. Why do you think you are giving him permission to do it again? Make certain that he does leave her, go for some counseling, you WILL need it, this is a serious blow to a marriage, some can make some can't. As for knowing for a fact that he broke it off, outside of being with him when he tells her you would just have to take his word for it. I am really sorry that you are going through this. Many say once a cheater always a cheater and to tell you the truth that is true in many many cases.\n If you love him then TRY to work it out, make certain that he attends counseling WITH you. Love can see you through a lot of pain but HE will have to work extra hard to rebuild your trust in him.\n  I wish you the best and hope things work the way that you want them to. Good Luck
374785
she cheated, it doesnt matter who it was with. you have to decide if you're willing to forgive her and trust her that she won't  do it again.
576923
I lost my wife, loved her with all my heart, loved her enough to understand that by trying to keep her in a relationship she did not any longer desire then any relationship we continued would only be empty and non fulfilling for us both how could she be happy if she was forced to stay on account of my feelings alone?? how could i be happy if the love i had for her would never again be reciprocated??   I walked away . I have still not recovered fully  she was my soul mate yet to hope that we could some day find happiness again I had to let her go.\n\nBy the way I did not cheat or abused her after 12 years of being together  things changed and she  had the courage to tell me she no longer was in love knowing how deeply I still loved her .
460500
it takes awhile, sometimes a few years. (yeah, i know), but honestly would you rather that she stayed with you and lied about how she really felt? \ndon't both of you deserve to be TRULY loved by someone? it took a lot of courage to tell you she was unhappy and leave although right now i know you hate her guts! but it would have been easier to just pretend. and then you would be left loving a woman that didn't love you the way you should be loved.  \n\nit took me a long time to get over my divorce...i loved him, but i hated him at the same time. it suxs! but in time we came to realize that we were better off separated and we are friends now. we have a child together...so i am in constant contact with him. it's been 8yrs...and although some subjects are a bit touchy still....it's not so bad, and i don't hate him anymore. i might still be disappointed in some things...but the hate is gone.\nhang in there...
547262
It is better that she knows now what he is really like.  If he really did love her he would have never cheated on her.  The only thing I know that you can do for sure is to offer moral support, and try to keep her mind off of what just went down.  But be sure you don't get in the middle of things.  I know that you don't want her to get her feelings hurt but I am telling you that if you get too involved in this situation you will live to regret it.  You might even get blamed for some of the things that happened even though you didn't have anything to do with it.  I know from personal experience from my best friend and then I said some bad things about someone who is now his wife.  A really has created a real burden and hardship on our friendship and we have been friends for a long long time.  So just give her all the support that you can and try just to listen to her but if she asked for some advice be really careful on what you might say because it might backfire.
545563
They are probably telling you that because they love you and they can see you are hurting.   Hell yeah, you have every right to be angry.  Cheating is the ultimate betrayal.  It nips at the core of your self esteem, it tells you that you are not good enough.  It doesnt matter whether it was a mistake or not because things do happen in the heat of the moment and mistakes still get made, but it doesnt change how the person who is being cheated on feels about themselves.  I guess the big question is....do you still love her?  That is the hardest part to get over and it is going to take a bit more time than 2 weeks to get her out of your head and your heart.  Depending on how much you loved her will determine how long you will grieve for.  And you do grieve when you lose someone you love.  Just know that not all girls/women are the same...so dont carry her betrayal into another relationship....treat it as brand new....you have to trust because your next girlfriend is not the old girlfriend and you dont want to start any relationship off badly because of the things that happened to you with someone else.  Distrust and jealousy is the quickest way to lose someone....so you need to come to terms with what has happened and when you are done grieving, move on and leave what she did where it belongs....in the past.\n\nI hope it wont take you long until you start to trust again.  Try to not blame yourself....it was not your fault she cheated...it was just the relationship was not meant to be...she was not the girl for you.\n\nI hope you feel better soon....You wont always feel angry.  With time you will just put it down to experience.
436547
Girls know what they want and she thinks she is being kind by giving you excuses.  Before you get hurt any further get yourself away from her.  Don't even talk with her.  There are plenty of other girls out there that will want what you have to offer.  If this girl has to make up excuses - it is over!  I have been down that road many times.  It's hard to tell someone that you have had relations with that it is over.  Most caring people don't like to hurt others so see it for what it is - over.  I am so sorry for your situation but unfortunately the truth hurts.  I also have been on your side of the situation.  You are looking for any gleam of hope for this relationship to work but unfortunately its only one sided.  It hurts.  The sooner you walk away the better off you will be.  Ten months, while it is a long time, it would be worse if longer.   The "perfect guy for her" is more than likely her way of saying she honors your friendship.  When women are in relationships and opt to get out they want their cake and eat it too.  It's ok for her to move on but she doesn't want anybody else to have you.  Hope this helps and good luck to you.
396416
Why did you all split up?? Could it not work out with the 2 of you?? Have you told her how you feel, maybe you should. But if it just won't work out then you'll have to do what all us crazy people do when we love someone and they don't love us back is give ourselves some time and it will heal all the pain. Hope your heart feels better!!!!
129611
I disagree with the others. If you are willing to take the time and be honest from here out, and honestly get past the cheating that happened almost a year ago, and she can get past the fact that you have lied to her over and over, there is hope. There is no doubt that you love her and she loves you. The fact remains that she only did it once and it was almost a year ago. Anything can be worked through if the love is strong enough, but it's not going to happen over night or even in a couple of weeks. It's going to take time, but it can be done.
554205
your girlfriends supposed to be gay and she cheated on you with a guy?? she's probably cheated on you more than this guy that you know of. to me you just seem as back burner and i don't mean it in a harsh way, but you seem to only be with her if it suits her, when no other man is interested. Cut your losses and leave her. I know it is going to suck for a while but then someone great will come around, someone who actually respects you enough to not cheat. You are always going to care about her in some way or another, but only time will stop you from loving her that and space. you're definitely going to need to get away from her for awhile. hope i helped
432543
She's looking for a safe, unhurtful way to tell you that she wants to split.  Chances are she's wanting to try things out with someone else (but she doesn't want you to know this), then if things don't work out with the other guy; she always has faithful and waiting you to come back to.  Tell her to go ahead and figure her stuff out, but don't expect for you to wait around.  You don't need that kind of hurt.
100064
Really why does it matter to her now. If she broke up with him for cheating then she got back with him knowing he was a cheater. Ok she got back with him after he cheated because she loves him, and now she thinks he is cheating again. Well she loves him so she should over look it again (which is what she did by taking him back in the first place). Or she can get smart and leave him, obviously he isn't going to change. What reason does he have to she accepted it by taking him back.