I just found out my BF of 8 yrs has been cheating on me on/off for 8 yrs w/the same girl.  I had questioned him regarding her previously and he lied.  We moved out from one another last summer, but were still together.  We broke up in Oct and got back together in Dec.  My issues w/him were trust.  (looks like I was right.)  I am devastated and feel disgusted and worthless.  I am pissed at myself because I keep blaming myself and I know I shouldn't.  He says he loves me and wants to marry me, but I am to grossed out by him to think about ever touching him.  I love him and I hate him.  If he did this for as long as he did, he won't change... Right?  How do I move on?  (He is the only person I have ever been with.)
205877
did you ever hear plenty of fish in the sea, get rid of him, if he has been doing this to you the whole time you have been togeth, what makes you think marraige will change that?
563678
Welcom to the club. I am still to this day getting over a 5 yr relationship (two years after the fact) So I am speaking from experience.  The Only thing that I can tell you is when people say time heals all wounds it may be true but it will always leave a scar. The worst thing you can do right now is get involved with someone else. Because your ex still has your heart. I know it hurt when you spend so much time with one person and then one day its all over. You all had a bond where you were not just 2 people but 1 soul. Its hard to let that go, you just cant let it consume you. The best thing to do is get to know yourself again. because when you were with your ex you lost yourself in him.\n  If you plan on reuniting with him, you hae to sincerly think about how much you love this man, and is he worth 4giving. We as humans all make mistakes. Men, Our flesh is weak, and even though we may cheat we still love our girlfriend. One thing to remember with men there are 2 types of sex. Sex we just want to have and sex we dont want anyone else to have. The sex we just have is meaningless its just something to do. (Probably how your boyfriend was feeling when he was cheating) and The sex we dont want nobody else to experience is the sex with that special lady in our life. He would have probably killed himself if he cought you in bed with another man, no matter how many times he's cheated. \n  Or maybe he is just crying out for attention by treating you like crap. (Men do act like childreen sometimes) Maybe he dosnt like a recent change you've made. The only way to know is talk to him. (Hint on talking to men: He's not going to be direct, Men are not as vocal with expressing there feelings. Just take what he says and ponder on it for a day or two.)\n\nNow take 2 of deez and call me in the mornin'\n\nOh yeah, Good luck with your choice
78923
i hope you are able to just confrunt him and tell him that it bothers you and that you do not trust him anymore. i wish i would have done the same with my bfriend. he was txtmessiging with his two exs and two other women he met at work and all that while we were living together- actually he also brought one of his ex home and slept with her in our bed.\nbut well, i did not have the courage and we finally broke up. he did...\nso go for it! you deserve more than a cheating bfriend\ngood luck!
181240
If a guy did this to you then he is definitely not worth getting upset over. I know its hard especially when you find out that he cheated on you but he is not worth a minute of your time. Any guy that is would never do that to you you need a guy to take care of you and respect you and a guy that looks you in your eyes and says that he loves it and just by looking in his eye you know he means every word! If your friend that he cheated on you actually did then she is not really your friend no one with a heart could ever do that and still have the nerves to call her your friend. I know that what he did to you probably hurts alot but go reward yourself by shopping or something to try to get your mind off of him. but whatever you do don't be afraid to love again love is a gift but to find true love you have to mess up sometimes and learn from your mistake1!\nI hope that helps best of wishes**
89092
First off, you didn't cheat.  You were broken up and living your life and moving forward.  Personally I think it was a bad choice for you to get back with your old boyfriend.  He guilted you into it, and the truth is that nothing has changed.  You deserve to be happy and I don't think you will ever be happy with him.  End this relationship and realize that if he wants to lay in your yard and cry that is his choice and your not responsible for him.  You should never feel bad for doing what is best for you.
129557
I think he's going to end up cheating on you again.  He continues to lie, and obviously still has feelings for this other woman.  Knowing that you both have been unfaithful makes me think that there are some serious problems in your relationship that you just aren't willing to address or work out.  I know that being with someone for that long can make leaving them all that much harder, but you need to step away from the relationship.  Yes you were both wrong, but that doesn't mean he can't forgive you and stop holding your actions over you head.  Have you forgiven him?  There really is no trust in your relationship anymore and I just don't see a realtionship working out in the long run if the partners can't trust each other.  Hope this helps, good luck!
140639
You have every reason to feel hurt. The question you have to ask yourself is... do you really think that you can get over the past. Do you really think that he has put the past behind him? If you answer no to either one of these questions, then no, you will never be able to trust your husband again. I've been in your place and stayed with my husband for 10 more years, in the end, I cheated on him numerous times because I couldn't get over the fact that I believed he had cheated on me. A night while laying next to him in bed, I would have images of him with her... Or when he would touch me in a way that should be considered loving, I would wonder if he touched her in the same way. It is hard to get over the thought of someone you love, cheating on you and you end up building a wall between you.  Sit down and talk to your husband, calmly. Let him know what you found, and that it wasn't because you were snooping. You have to get your feelings out on the table and see how he responds to it, then together decide if you are able to rebuild the trust that was broken.
42513
Okay, I know this is a bit much to read, but...I had a guy that cheated on me 5 times.  No, I didn't know about it until AFTER we broke up.  I didn't know what to do.  I ALMOST(really, REALLY considered) having sex with his sister's ex...which that was an on-again-off-again thing...but I didn't.  Then I thought about being friends with him again...that didn't work out 'cause he messed with my little brother and I thought about kicking some major butt but, again...didn't.  The reason why is really insane:  I still loved him at that point.  Don't ask me why because I don't know now.  Maybe I thought he'd come back crying(but he was the one that dumped me).  Karma hit him where it hurt quicker than I thought.\nApparently, one of the girls he cheated on me with got pregnant by him and wouldn't you know it...nine months later he was landed with the responsibility of fatherhood.  A few months after that, another girl got pregnant.  HA!  This was too good.  Anyways, after getting over the breakup(in a record time of a few weeks), I found this current guy that I've been with for 9 months and a few weeks.  KARMA ROCKS!  So, if you took Karma into your hands, that's great...even the threefold law works since he cheated once and you hit him 3 times as hard.  Buuuut....I think that if you went that far you might just be a little on the evil side(but who am I to judge, babe?).  Maybe you should post a pic of your cheater on the site I have listed...after all, there's too much girl power I can't resist.
93730
sweetheart, it hurts alot. i've been there. you are right in not being able to trust him. it's not always the case that there always a cheater, but it's almost foolproof. if he's done it before, why won't he do it again when he finds someone else that's more attractive to him? all you can do is wait out the pain. it hurts and it sucks, but try and move on. go out, have fun, meet new guys. you don't have to get married or anything, just go out and have fun. i hope this helps you sweetie, at least a little. if you'd like to talk to someone that's been there, you can email me. poetic_disturbulance@yahoo.com
399495
Your friend feels hurt and betrayed by your actions when you dumped him for the loser boyfriend.  It sounds as if he cares more for you than the other guy ever did.  Keep this in mind when dealing with the friend you could trust.  He's not the same guy who treated you so badly and he probably will not react in the same way.  Give him a chance.  \n\nIf you want to rebuild the friendship, you need to give it time and take small steps. Trust is the fastest thing to lose and the slowest to regain. Back off for now.  Leave him alone for a week or so, then if you still want to speak with him, text or email him that you've had some time to think and you're wondering how he's doing.  (Absolutely DO NOT do this if you are not totally sincere.  You've hurt him once already and he doesn't deserve to be hurt again.) If he answers, then you have a dialog.  Ask if you can speak to him on the phone.  Tell him you know that you did was wrong and ask for his forgiveness.  Most importantly, let him know how much you miss him.  Tell him that you'd like to talk to him again later.  If he agrees, then ask if he'd meet you somewhere for a coke or something.  After a few times of talking to you and seeing you, he will start to see a change.  That is what he's looking for.  When you feel that the both of you are ready, then find a way to be alone with him.  Tell him how you feel.  Most importantly don't rush him or yourself.  Friendship is built on trust and trust takes time.  Best of luck.  Hope this helps.
213407
WHY would you put soooooooooooooooo much energy into getting back at someone who "cheated" on you?  Get over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so NOT worth it.  Move on with your life.  That person is soooooooooooo not worth the time of day let alone all of the effort you are putting into "getting back at them".  I've been cheated on TWICE by two different men AND NOW guess who are the "sad saps"???? THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so moved on from each of them and now they are miserable bastards.  I couldn't be happier in my life without either one of them.  GROW UP!!!
582806
I was the some as you and it took me years to completely trust someone again and even then I still gave this guy a hard time. One day it dawned on me that he wanted to be with me and had suffered thru all that I had given him and was still there. He is now my partner of 3 years. He understood how I had been hurt and was prepared to work thru it with me. If the guy really wants to be with you and the feeling is mutual, he will stick with you. Tell him how you feel and why you feel like that. If he is worth his salt, he'll stick with you. You also need to realise that if you don't learn to trust again, you'll always be alone.
158426
sorry to hear that. but i really think you need to see someone professional to get over this. if you are getting back together you have to consider whether he will be able to understand you and forgive you. a professional will help you forgive yourself, however i think that there is nothing wrong with being with someone else when youre separated. feeling "dirty" - come on, the guy made you do things you didnt want to do, hes the dirty one!! make sure youre not getting together with your husband because youre feeling bad after the abusive relationship, you have to make sure that the true reason is your love for him and not pity for yourself. a professional will help yu figure things out! :)
427167
i felt this way for a long time, thought no one wanted me or ever would. i believed his opinion of me, and it did cause low self worth. i still wanted my ex back also even after he did what he did. but i began praying, i stopped blaming myself, stopped expecting any more from that man, know that u have a place in this world, and a purpose, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. u stll love him, cause u always will but now u have to make some changes. why allow someone who kicked u to the curb win? why let this hurt influence the rest of your life. we can and do move on, but takes time to rebuild trust, you are filled with resentment and bitterness, when someone hurts us we do feel they owe us something, but that just keeps us feeling bad. so forgive him, as well as yourself. forgiveness doesn't mean they are off the hook for what they did,  forgiveness means they no longer owe us a thing in life. people will want to be around u if u quit bringing up the past, and what happened to u. move forward in life, don't look back, don't define yourself by what he did to u. that's not who u are. find someone else to love, don't love someone who doesn't love u. just move past what he did and know it isn't about u, it's about a selfish man, and another woman who is pulling all of the strings. but there is such a thing as karma, and one day he will get back what he has given to u.
591687
Love sometimes hurts.  This is one of those times.  You must either break up with her or insist that she break up with him.  This type of situation can lead to devastating results.  What if he finds out you are having sex with her and goes crazy?\n\nIt sounds like your total breakup is only a matter of time.  That being the case, the sooner the better.   The longer you are involved, the more hurt you will feel and the deeper the pain will be.  If she cheats on him, she will cheat on you.\n\nIf you get back together,  learn to be more considerate.  Better to bite your tongue off than to say things just to be hurtful.  Write your feeling down.  Read them back to yourself two days later.  Then you might want to edit what you wrote or even destroy it.\n\nI'm sure you know a lot of other girls.  Wait a while to heal and get to know some of them better.  You will be so much better off.\n\nGood luck.
629524
I think that he told you about him cheating on you, so if you forgive him, he thinks it would be ok to do it again. I think you need to get rid of him and move on. You are way better than to have a guy cheating on you. You need to get a good boyfriend. He probably just called you because he broke up with the other girl. You need to just leave now while you can. You don't want to get back into this relationship, just so he can cheat on you again. Ever heard once an cheater, always a cheater, well that is mostly always true, honey.  If you have the feeling that something will go terrible wrong, you are probably right. Your first instinct is usually the right one. If he likes to date your friends, and has done this before, he will keep doing that. Just walk away from it all.\nGood Luck to you, girl. I know you will find a better guy that does not cheat. That is what you deserve,
253582
ugh welcome to my world! its very hard to gain trust again and ive been struggling with that for the past year with my bf. he is amazing and loving and the best person i have EVER met,,, yet i am always testing the waters and trying to catch him out in a lie. it drives ME crazy so i would imagine it makes him feel that way too. \n\none step is realising what you are doing, which has happened because you are here asking the question. trust is sacred and its hard to get it back even tho this is a new person who hasnt hurt you. what im trying to do is, whenever i have those awful 'ghosts from the past' flying around my head, i think about everything great that my bf has said and done, things that are so different from anyone else and make me feel important and loved. it does help but i have to really work at the demons. \n\nim aware that there are no guarantees in life, you never know whats going to happen, but living in the past is not the way to go. there are people out there who would not cheat - you're one yourself so it stands to reason there are others. thats what i tell myself too. i have major jealousy issues because every single one of my exes way back to the teen years cheated on me with a girl they swore was 'just a friend'. i cant stand hearing those words and they make my skin prickle. but that is in my head and in my past. \n\none of my friends just told me that i have to tell myself that i CANNOT LET THE PAST CONTROL ME. all these years i thought i was in control, always on guard, always trying to catch people out in lies, etc etc. i vowed i would never let myself get humiliated again.. but thats where my fault lies - i was looking for it, waiting for it to happen again and letting it control my life. that is not healthy. i am trying to just live day by day and not let those that hurt me in the past CONTINUE to hurt me by infecting my brain and causing me to not trust my bf. if he truly loves me he will not cheat on me... so the message to take from that is tha if he does cheat on me one day, he is not the right person for me afterall and im better off not being in the relationship anymore, no matter how much it hurts. but i dont think about that often either, i think about today and tomorrow and yesterday. and how much love my bf shows me, and little by little its helping me to erase the past.\n\ngood luck! dont let others tell you that you are nuts, its a very hard thing to get over for many people, especially if you were badly hurt in the past and more than once.