Remember Don Lapre? Every time I go to the mailbox, it's just overflowing with checks from my mail-order suckers (uh, I mean customers).  I usually take a wheelbarrow with me when I go to the mailbox...that's how much Don has helped me.  God Bless You, Don....this martini is for you, babe!!!!!
200459
What exactly is Don Lapre's product?  His ad only states that you put ads in newspapers.  What do the ads advertise?
369362
I usually put return to sender and send it back. Thing is, I've lived in this apartment for over 5 years, and I sometimes still get mail for previous tenants. Anymore sometimes I can't help but open it to see what it is. But I don't do that all the time, just sometimes. I can't believe it still comes in...
592921
Me N Whiskeybee (my friend's identity being altered for his protection) stole some things from SPENCER'S gifts a long, long time ago. This would have been around 1989. \n\nI regret doing it, now. I haven't stolen anything else since then, and I wish I had never done it in the first place.\n\nI was looking at some key chains and buttons- mostly "Megamess" buttons and other bric-a-brac- and I told him that I wanted them. He quickly grabbed them and hid them in his wallet. LOL. He was very stealthy, and seemed astute in the art of subterfuge.\n\nWell, like I said, I wish I hadn't done it. Bad things- very bad things- happened to me afterward...although, technically speaking, I wasn't caught at the time.\n\nI have considered going back to the store and handing them an envelope with $20, and a note with an explanation- but I am afraid that I may be prosecuted for larceny. I guess the statute of limitations has expired already, but I haven't decided yet what course of action to undertake.\n\nThe show "My name is Earl" also inspires me to rise above my trailer-trash rooted past, and make amends for all the mean crap I have done over the years. : )
193661
Ahhh. I have written so much today, my hands are tired. alas, I come to a question i have so much to say about, but don't feel like typing it all out :) Yes, I'm a citizen and damn proud of it. last semester(i'm in college) I worked in the dishroom and served dinner in our school's cafeteria-style dining hall. Dishroom wasn't great, was very hot, humid, and the floor was very slippery. didn't smell too pleasant, and scraping baked-on cheese off of large pans was no fun, either. But to be honest, the job was made fun by my co-workers who similarly didn't care for the job but we made it fun together, ya know? two summers ago, I worked for the State DOT scraping road kill off the side of the road. now tell me THAT is a disgusting job. that job too was made fun by co-workers. I would say working for a hotel cleaning rooms or mopping lobby floors is at least a little more sanitary and enjoyable than shoveling roadkill carcasses, don't you? so if those are the kinds of jobs Americans won't do, am I a sac of potatoes? or worse-- an illegal Maria Chiquita? Thanks a BUNCH for bringing up the anchor baby part of the 14th Amendment, I made an argument the other day and reffered to that. right on. I like your posts and comments so far, I'm glad there are other Americans out there who are fed up with this problem like I am. It hits college students HARD if you're like me. last summer I tried applying to a Jack in the Box part time, guess what? no spots available. the guy at the register spoke no more English than my neighbors' 3 year old. I was pissed that they'd hire someone for customer service (hey come on, cashier is customer service) who spoke that little English, but whatever, it's fast food. hehe
472708
I like what your points of view are. You got my vote. The check is in the mail!
264002
my screen told me "BAD COMMAND" once, i thought that was totally funny, but i dont think i would ask my neighbor anything. he has a schizo/turrets "issue", but in his defence he did used to work for the post office.
204857
From one billionare to another, I take it on good authority from my caddy chauffeur that a steady diet of hard work and terrible living conditions can make some of the lower classes smell. I told my housekeeper the other day that if I gave her a hovel instead of the usual cardboard box would she take a shower (it doesn't rain often enough for her to take a shower as it is).  So I understand your problem, but if you pretend they don't exist except to throw their daily allotment of pennies at them it will all be fine...asshole
378127
Suuure they were. They didn't say they used overdrawn credit cards because it would really be embarrassing for Visa. Plus Hoffa. Who is working out a movie deal with those people in California. Bad part is the 50 year old bimbo he was with, in the leopard print blouse and tight fitting pants? Left side of the photo? Well ... the photo may sour the deal. Not to mention any other extended family member. Let's face it. Riding around in a purple 1959 Caddy with a broad like that isn't going to fail to get attention.Plus - she's a Fed!
168230
I'm a bartender at the VFW Post in my town! I love it! It is so much fun, I work about 4 to 5 days a week and have my days free, make pretty good money! Get an upront reserved parking spot and get a free drink after every shift! Cant beat that!!!
112057
OMG Sheila! I used hair spray once! I had to peel my shirt off and thank God I had shaved under my arms or I hate to think what would have happened then. I felt so stupid! The worst part is that it was Super Hold hair spray. But I'll give you one better. When I was a police officer, I worked with a Detective who was a lot like Colombo. You know, so dumb he was smart? He was a good cop but he couldn't couldn't eat a sandwich without getting mayonaise on his fingers and then he would touch his head when he was talking, just Lt. Colombo would and everytime he'd get mayo on his forehead! One day, we were all at the station for role call and he walked in and he was just scratching himself all over his arms and his chest. I said "Robert, what wrong?" and he said "I don't know. I'm itching something terrible. I think I'm allergic to this new shower lotion that my wife just bought." I said "Shower Lotion?" and he said, "Yeah, it's from Dial. The soap people." I started laughing and I said "Robert, roll up your sleeve." He looked at me kind of funny and rolled up his sleeve and there was white streaks all over his skin and it was sticky to the touch. After I stopped laughing, I said "Robert, you goofy sh#t, you've covered yourself with liquid Dial soap, not lotion! You'd better get home and rinse it off, now!" After that we removed all the liquid soap from the station bathrooms and stuff just to mess with him. He ended up with like ten trial size things of body lotion in his mail box at the station. Oh, and thank you for you kind response to my "forgive me" plea. I'm not usually so cranky but I guess I had a moment there where I lost myself. As an American, it gets a bit tiring when everyone hates you just for being an American. I suppose the entire world doesn't hate us but sometimes it seems that way. Take care, Sweetie and thanks again. God bless.
512556
OH BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nEven if you were soliciting,so what??\nI read the most gros questions at polls and surveys and they get away with anything,Come on over hon:i'll personally massage you into heaven,ok.\nSee ,how long this answer will be here\nKisses:"Rob".
394064
OMG...LMFAO...I can't breathe.......hahahhhahahhaahaaaaa\n\nU made my day with this one.\n\np.s. you inspired me to buy my OWN personal collection of whips and chains...and it's been going GREAT! Thanks!
332255
They were selling bricks at UNCC yesterday for $5.00 a piece, and attaching notes. I paid for a thousand of them in advance. 2 cubes, I think it was. So yes, I guess you could say I would buy a brick. One great big one for me, and one great big one for Elena, my "legal" immigrant wife. It was actually her, believe it or not, who instructed me to write the check. I can't wait to see the look on Senator Dole's face.  And I will see it. We live very near each other. It's gonna be GREAT!
283728
I would have to say that we need a break from the rain!!!  I live in the country (which I love) but have a dirt driveway.  I am really sick of walking through sticky mud everyday to get the mail!  I can't believe that it has been so cold and it's May.  I wonder what kind of summer we will have.  Keep your chin up and have a fun weekend!
136654
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. \nWhen he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. \nWhen he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.\n"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
444627
Some money to replace the huge wad I've spent buying stuff in his name!\n\nBTW: why 2 bottles of everlasting Guiness? If they're everlasting, don't you only need one?!
37110
LOL... that's funny... I was just thinking of how useful this site can be or just time consuming becuase it gets addictive... I think everyone should at least Ask ONE! question on Yahoo!Answers once in thier lifetime! LOL It's funny how not that many people know about it either because Yahoo! doesn't advertise it hardly... just a small little link over by the search button... I was lucky to have come across it though because some of you have helped me out tremendously with the advice parts of my question asking... So yeah... if you say so it has changed my life in a good way for my mental state going through splitsville with my husband, and reading some of the funny answers and even funnier questions being asked!..