married for over 15 years. wife had one proven affair and I suspect at least two others.  She has not been involved in others for many years that I know of but other major events have caused me to rethink what she truly feels for me.  3 years ago she traded with a neighbor that I did not like (she knew it) my 4x4 of 15 years for a non-running ford escort wagon, after I repeatedly said not to.  I had moved to another state to start a new job and she stayed behind to put the house in order.  When she arrived without my truck she said getover it.  I was so mad that I did not want to talk to her ever again and did not for over a month. I finally gave in but did not feel what I considered to be love any more for her.  She had simply become a parental partner and I did not want to be with her any more, but felt trapped.  today I feel the same only with guilt that I have let it go this long without telling her how I feel.  I need to do something about it. help.
199934
She sounds as if she doesn't treat you the way that you would like to be treated. I wouldn't like it, but I am not you.\n\nYou sound like you need someone to hash all of this over with to make sure you know what you are thinking. On observation, you have not been close acting for a while. If you can't tell her, write it a couple of times to get confidence. Then drink a beer or a coffee one day and tell it to her straight. \n\nThen do what you have to do to be happy. No use wasting the rest of your life pretending. Time to be free to be true to yourself.
306456
Been there done that...whats up with the 23rd year...Its alot of years, you'll never forget the past, my marriage was great the first 20 years, but I could see the dis-interest building as the months after pasted by...and she too felt she was no longer in love with me, however I later found out her interests were directed toward another...suggestions..Seek marriage council advice, put forth a 100% effort to resolve such conflict, and if it doesn't turn out happily ever after, if there ever was an ideal time to be single , its with a good job, no mortgage and your child a grown adult...very simular to my situation...its was 2 yrs separated and 3 years since divorce and those conditions were blessings in disguise.
587730
Please, please, please tell her or at least your best friend.  My husband cheated on me for years and a lot of people knew about it.It made the situation worse.  I feel like they were laughing at how stupid I was for not knowing.  I also felt betrayed by them.  They are NOT my friends; they and my husband made me feel like such a loser.  My husband and I are working on our marriage and he and I lost a lot of good friends over his cheating.  My life will never be the same.  I will never trust my husband again and a lot of joy at the 'little things' is now gone.
45722
When did your feelings change?\n\nWhat happened outside of your marriage at that time?\n\nYou may simply be looking for an excuse to leave him.  Your likely some where around 30 and that is a tough time in a marriage or out.\n\nKeep in mind that marriages take a great deal of work and nearly all of them have challenging periods.  That’s when you knuckle down and find a way through the tough times.  Your feelings changed once and they can change again.  Just imagine yourself ten years down the road after you have left him, simply because you didn’t try to work through a tough patch.  \n\nIt sounds as if everything else is okay and since you’re the one disturbed, maybe it is you.  If it is you, you might consider that your feelings toward him are relative to your feelings toward someone else.  \n\nMy wife and I have been together 51 years and married 46 years.  It has taken lots of work through tough times, but somehow it has maintained.
202330
I feel sorry for you and your wife. The male hormones forces you to think from your .... Well it's too late to ask why you couldn't stay faithful, so I would suggest that you get counseling. Also stay away from friends who push you into adultery. One thing I can tell it will take a long time for both of you to get over. It will always be there, but marriages have survived and thrived on worse. Take care and hope things resolve.
667218
It sounds like you're lonely and craving an understanding and intimacy that you're not getting from you wife.  Before you make a huge decision that will alter yours and many other people's lives, really think about what you're thinking about doing.  My guess is that you and your wife had a very passionate relationship that cooled down after you married.  Once you married, life's monotonous routine got in the way of passion and communication.  Now you're looking outside the marriage for that spark.\n\nBefore you act, do yourself and your wife a favor and talk to her.  Be honest about your feelings.  Maybe her job/friends/family etc... consume all her energy.  Maybe you'll find that she's just as lonely as you are.  Give her a chance to work with you to make your marriage work.  If you feel you can't talk to her, then suggest couples counseling.  If that fails, then I would consider the possibility of ending the marriage.  But before making that decision, please please please give you and her a chance.  Don't give up yet!
151068
I know how you feel. My ex-wife was cheating on me with one of my best friends. We also got divorced, and it was really rough for me for the first year or so. Every part of my life changed, all the routines changed, had to get used to being alone. There is no easy fix when your betrayed by someone you love and trust. Seems like everything you believed in was a lie. It helped me to lean on my family for support. It was hard at first because I felt ashamed, but believe me, you don't want to go it alone. Turn to your friends and family for help. Keep your mind busy, take a night class or something. It helps. Why did he do it? She told him what he wanted to hear. Maybe he thought he wouldn't get caught. Don't get caught up in the why and how, it will only make it worse. Don't get down on yourself, or blame yourself. He chose to do what he did, knowing that he was married. You didn't force him to do it, and you couldn't have done anything differently to prevent him from doing it. You are still a worthwhile human being, and you still have your life ahead of you. As time goes by, it will get easier. You might even realize one day, that your life is better now than it was then. Keep your head up, and good luck.
325102
I dont know how I can top the laster person to post an answer, it was pretty good and she was right on her game. \n But I do want to add a few things that I know for a fact. Firstly that you will never fully forget this guy and that is a good thing. I have been married for nine years now and the woman I was with before I met my wife is still in my thoughts. No I dont want to be with her, but I do want to remember the pain she caused me. It has made me stronger and more gentle all at once. I now see the mistakes I made with her and I make sure that I dont make the same ones with my wife. As far as him hooking up with some ugly gal, get use to that. When guys loose something good even if it was their own reasons for leaving, they have a tendancy of grabing the next closses thing at hand. She just happened to be the unlucky girl, she will soon be dumped and tossed aside. That I can promise. Been there done that. \n As far as you not feeling like you are a good looking ladie. Well I would have to say listen to the crowed on this one. Do you think every one around you would lie. Dont get to proud however as pride does come before distruction. But do be glad that you are who you are and never ever let the sad things in life throw you off your game. Be glad of them and use them to your advantidge. Tuffin up and thank God that you still have plenty of time to meet someone new.
308809
Ok, When my oldest daughter was two my wife and I separated because she was having an internet affair. after a couple of months separation I decided that I still loved her.  that was six years ago.  About six months ago I made a mistake and wandered from my relationship and had a Psychological affair with a coworker.  we never had sex or anything. But my loveing wife is trying to work through this.  she loves me I know she does and I Hope that we can work through this and be stronger than we were before.  But just remember that just because he wandered doesnt mean that he dont love you anymore, because if that were the case he would have split it off with you when he got caught.  Hang in there and he will show you that he is being true to you by his actions.\n\ngod bless.\n\nC.H.
552539
When you say you've been down that path and you are no longer interested is it because your wife still bored you or that she did not try and please you ?? Perhaps she also needs a little help to try and spice things up. Maybe you are not being co operative enough and she figures , why bother l've lost him anyway.. I am just grasping at straws here , there could be a lot of reasons why you both feel the way you do. Please don't do any flirting of any kind , it is not innocent and people get hurt by this. If you are really sure that you can't make a go of things with your wife and you have discussed everything with her, your best bet would be a trial separation l think anyway. That way it may give you time to clear your head and be 100% sure of your feelings.Don't stay together just for the sake of the kids, it just means they are living with miserable parents instead of a loving home life. You never know, perhaps a separation may bring you closer (if that is what you both want ofcourse). I really feel for you l am sure you feel you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Hope all works out well for you. Good Luck.
233265
The choice is all yours. If you feel you can trust your wife than go for it if not than tell her she done screwed up. She's returning for a reason maybe she knows your involved with another woman and that made her jealous or maybe her parter that she left you for left her and she feels alone. Let her know you will remain her friend but thats about it. Either way just remember she cheated once she may do it again. Good Luck.
308644
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
69287
never done that, but i would feel guilty too. Sex is supposed to be between one man and one woman (in the context of marriage, by my belief) not a couple of each. She feels guilty because she doesnt feel right about what you did.
356072
You made a mistake, you kissed someone, you stopped it there and then and went home and told your wife the truth. THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO! Your wife, when you told her, made the decision to stay. Why did she stay if she had no intention of trying to make the marriage work? Didn't she have anywhere else to go at the time? She is using your one, tiny, mistake to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you to have everything her own way. And it has worked. As Jerry Springer would say 'this is happening to you because YOU ARE ALLOWING it to'. Tell her enough is enough. You need to sit down and discuss, calmly, the problems you have. Listen to her first and then tell her how you feel.\nAsk her to attend marriage counselling with you, then she will know you are serious about saving your marriage.\n\nRegardless of what happens between two adults, the children are innocent, blameless. If a woman gives up on a marriage or when a wife stops loving her husband - it doesn't stop her being a mother. There is no excuse for her not spending time with her children, they need her and she can't suddenly just start living this new lifestyle without a second thought for them. Where are they going to go in all this, if you do split up - it doesn't sound like she is going to want to take them with her, she doesn't have the time and they'd probably cramp her new style. \n\nI think your wife has more explaining to do than you have. But, as others here have said, professional help is going to be your best option. Perhaps after marriage counselling you should have one or two sessions of family counselling and involve your children as well. \n\nPerhaps you should make your wife read your question and then all the replies and see how it makes her feel. It might be the wake up call.
75174
Stop over thinking this.  It sounds like your wife has been very honest with you about how she feels.  The fact that you two are only separated but still living together and still spending time together hints that she is honestly there trying to figure out how she feels.  If she didn't have some feelings for you then she would have left by now and filed for a divorce.  You just need to be careful and not go over board focusing on pleasing her all the time.  She is probably looking for a lot more than just your attention.  She is probably looking at your life as a whole and where the future might lead.  Take time to make sure the rest of your life is as good as possible.  Love is more than just emotions, it encompasses all of life.  Be patient with her and don't push too hard or all your work may have the opposite effect and drive her away if she feels smothered all the time.  Remember, what you do for her now needs to be things that you can continue to do for the long haul for the rest of your life, and not just for the moment to fix things between you.
388712
Now what exactly is she unhappy with?  My guess is she's not giving you the full story.  Did she suddenly decide that a married life and the responsibilities that go with it, is not what she wanted in the first place?  Was she upset with you because you were gone and she was feeling lonely?  Is there another man in the picture?  If you are even going to try to save your marriage, you need to do a heart to heart talk with her and find out what she wants out of the marriage.  If she wants out, then I guess she has made her choice.  Not much you can do about it then.
131664
Although I don't have the answer you want ... I can relate with your feelings. I don't know if just knowing that you are not alone in this helps or not. I went through almost the same exact situation about 6 months ago and it brought back all kinds of feelings of lose and sadness. I am sorry that you are having these feelings and hope you can learn to cope in some way. I still just push all of my hurt to the back of my mind...some days I am kinda ok and other days I cry at the drop of a hat--I guess its just something you have to carry with you for the rest of your life. Once again i am sorry and wish you the best. I am 31 years old myself with no other children-but hang in there and hopefully things will look up for us both.    :)