my friends parents r completely over bearing. Shes 14 and is only allowed to see pg movies. Shes never been to the cinema. Shes not allowed to go to sleepovers. Shes not allowed a boyfreind so she has one behind her parents backs. My house is the only place shes allowed to go and she hasn't been allowed here in 3 weeks. shes planning to leave home at 16 and i think this is really sad. whenever she tries talking to them thay say they are too busy to listen. her dad is a preacher and is always away for  weeks at a time but he has all the control in her life. we live in rural ireland so she cant sneak out and go anywhere except into a few fields. Shes not even allowed to get a hair cut!what can i do to help her she is really lonely at home. Now her dad wants the family to move to amreica because her freinds are a bad influence on her! she is my best freind and i would know what to do without her! she is begii=nning to hate her parents. What can she do? How can i help her?
212363
Tell her to tell her parents that she is gay by telling them that they well kick her out of the house, but before you do that make sure it is okay that she can stay with you. Her father has lost touch with what a parent should be a friend and a guider, Not controlling. I feel for your situation. I will pray for you both.
390606
It might not be about you, it might just be that her parents don't want her dating anyone right now.  A lot of people wait until a girl is 16 before allowing her to date.\n\nTry this--write them a letter, asking formal permission to spend time with her.  Let them know you are willing to address any concerns they might have, and tell them you have the utmost respect for her and would never do anything that would compromise that.  Let them know that if they would prefer, you would be willing to spend time with her at their home when they are present if that would make them more comfortable, or take a chaperone if they went out.  Ask to come by sometime in the evening and meet them.  Let them know you will respect any decision they make, and then DO SO.  If they say no, leave her alone.\n\nThis might seem like excessive effort, but it seems like you really want to hang out with her, so it might be worth it, and it would show you to be a very mature and courageous individual.  It might win them over.  Either way, you will have done everything you could do.
405873
i will pray for her:) i think youre a great friend for being so concerend too by the way. it may take a while, but she will be returned to her parents. my half brother was taken away from his mom because of her drug usage, and we gained custody of him for a while. we gave him a wondeful home, but as soon as she cleaned up, they took him away from us and put him wiht her again. that wasnt in his best interest, but usualy, they do go back after everything cools down.  as far as her having to move then. it will hurt like crazy, but you two can still keep in touch. i live in texas now and my BEST friend lives in new york. we talk everyday and e-mail too. we learned to appreciate one another a lot more instead of taking our friendship for granted. we are closer now than ever. change isnt always bad. we both went to school in georgia, but moved when we graduated... im happy and shes happy, even though we miss each other like crazy ( and our families and other friends.) you got the right idea about prayer, it does amazing things... keep it up, and i will too! god bless you!
230896
Why dont you talk to her parents, they might appreciate the honesty.\n\nThen they can tell her that they dont want her to talking to older men.
135237
Got Parents ??? Use them, thats why they're there. Otherwise talk to a trusted adult. Don't rely on your friends for misinformation.
208474
awww, she needs someone to talk to, if her family is not an option, she should call her local crisis hotline and ask for a referral to a mental health professional, she can also talk to a counselor at school but she may be concerned about the confidentiality, she can talk to her medical doctor, she can also talk to someone at her church or if she hasn't one, any local church will do. Cutting oneself maybe a symptom of a serious problem that requires professional help...as far as hating her family but being ready to do anything for her friends well that is called being a teenager *smile* She should also know that drugs are even more dangerous for those who are suffering from depression.
342392
You really don't have a choice if your parents will not allow it. Explain this to your friend and maybe he will understand.>
72643
She's having a hard time accepting that her daughter is growing up. Obviously if you will be at a public restaurant, it's not like all of you guys are going to throw her on top of a table, strip her clothes off and pull a chain on her. Her mom is just trippin. At 14, me and my friends hung out at the roller rink together without adult supper vision, but, duh, the people who WORK there were adults. And I was ALWAYS the only girl hangin out with all of the guys. I just got along better with guys than girls at that age. She's making more out of it than is really there. Funny thing is, I grew up to like women. So, for all she knows, her daughter might be gay when she grows up! Boys think about sex a lot, but it's not ALL they think about. She needs to realize this and get a grip. Good luck.
273165
OOps sorry let me edit this..\n\nMost important question is - are they LEGALLY your gaurdian?  It sounds like this might be your sister.. or maybe a young aunt.\n\nWhat state are you in?  How old are you?  It depends on how your caregiver will react.  I did the same thing when I was 17 and my parents freaked and were able to take me back.  I spent a few days in Juvi.. but other than that nothing terrible will happen.  If you are 17, I suggest talking to your parents about this and seeing if they would let you.  Does your friends family want you to move there?  Have them talk to your caregiver.  If you are any younger, either wait or have the family talk to your caregiver..  I totally understand where you are coming from, sometimes your home can just be toxic, especially if your parents are going through a divorce, or some issues of their own.. I've been moved out for 2 years now, and even when I come to visit, it just sucks my soul dry.. Some people and places are just so bad for you.  Talk to them .. really.  OR just go ahead and do it, but know this - they will be able to find you - and they will force you to come back - BUT after that happens, they will be open for dialog with you - you will be able to tell them how damaging their home is to you - and they will be able to take you seriously.. This is what happened to me- They never listened until after I ran away.. Then they let me finish my high school degree online and let me move out when I needed to.\n\nTo help you any further, I would need to know your age and your state.\n\nAnd like the other person mentioned, if you are working and making some of your own money, you might be able to get emancipated. \n\nChoices Other Than Emancipation\n\nEmancipation is only one of several alternatives available to you if you feel you cannot live with your caregiver.  You may want to consider other options such as:\n\nfamily counseling or mediation service between you and your parents; \nliving with another responsible adult (aunt, uncle, grandparent, or family friend); \nseeking assistance from public and private agencies; \nan informal agreement with your caregiver allowing you to live outside your home. \n\n\nMy final advice to you is this - family counseling - if nothing else works - this will.  The other person there can help you communicate effectively with your caregiver - and don't assume they will only be on your caregivers side either.  Present your case to them, and unless you have no reason for wanting to move out, they will support you and help you work out a solution with your family..\n\nGood luck, ok?  Feel free to personally email me if you need any personal or legal advice..  Bj_Osterhout@yahoo.com
201045
The poor thing...  She is lucky that she has you as a friend who really wants to help her.  I dont blame her for not wanting to talk, she must feel terrible.  I think the best thing to do is to go somewhere with her where there is no-one else around you guys, like the beach or a park or go on a bushwalk, or just do something that you know she loves.  Make sure no-one else is around (especially not the people who are making fun of her) and try and get her to relax and not be afraid to speak. \nIf you cant get her to go anywhere with you straight away, try sending text messages to communicate or write each other letters.  Buy her a diary to write down all her feelings in.  \n\nShe needs to know she has support.  Try talking to her family (as long as they arent the ones who are laughing at her).  If you dont help her now, (or get someone to help her) she could end up developing social disorders or agraphobia (where she will be too scared to leave the house).  You are a great friend, she is lucky to have a friend who cares about her and doesnt make fun of her.  Just help her through it as best you can.. And as for the people laughing at her, how pathetic.  They must be really horrible people to make your friends life hell. Good on u for sticking by her.
22730
I expect you are talking about a teenager or a few years beyond that.  \n\nThere are certain points in our lives where we need to become more independent, where we have to get out on our own - try new things, new personalities, new perspectives on life.  And make mistakes, our own mistakes, ones we can learn from.  No one's parents, no matter how good, can do that for us.\n\nShe needs some space to learn to become the best she that she can.  Supportive parents would not answer all her problems, but let her know that they trust her to resolve them herself and are there for her if and when she needs them.\n\nRemember, it's a temporary phase, but a necessary one, if she's going to be independent and self-reliant in her life.  It's like the phase a two year old goes through when he changes from being a baby to a "little person." He says "I can do it myself" a whole lot and he falls down and drops things and makes all kinds of mistakes.  You can't take those mistakes away form him or he'll never learn and grow.\n\nThe same with the teenage years.  \n\nRemember, she is a good, compassionate person, with a good, solid background from her parents.  Just give her some room to grow, and you'll be really happy with the results.\n\nFrom a mother, now a grandmother, who raised 4 teenagers through those years, and now has 4 very wonderful, responsible grown children.
302408
Karo is absolutely right. First step: Tell your parents, then your responsibility is done. Then you go on doing the right thing so your parents can handle your sister and not worry about you.\n\nOh, wait--I just read your details--do your parents already know?  Then they are going to have to get outside help. Unfortunately, it is fairly expensive. Tell them to start with the doctor, she will need medical evaluation, a psychiatric workup, and then probably placement in a rehab. My husband and I just put his 16 year old son in a place in Utah. First we tried two different military schools, but his bad behavior just escalated.\n\nFirst step:  enlist help of her pediatrician or doctor. Also, talk to counselor at school.\n\nAnd again, you need to be a help to your parents here, but the biggest help you can be is to just be your normal, good kid self-- do your homework, keep your body, room and clothes neat and clean, don't sass your parents, and stay away from bad people and drugs.
158119
omfg! im sooo sorry to hear about that, your parents are fucking sick bastards i have to say! They sound like there are seriously menatally ill and need professional help!\n\nI have to say your bf sounds lovely for taking care of you and being there for you, i would personally give him a hug if i saw him.\n\nHave you reported any of these incidents when you were younger to the NSPCC for example?\n\nYou are past 16 so therefore, intitiled legally to leave home and im sure the local council could set you up in a new estate away from your parents. However, although you are past the age of using childline and NSPCC you can always call the smaratins for more help and advice who could arrange your house setting and also prosecute those demon parents of your so you can get your just desserts.\n\nIf you ever wanna talk just email me or message me on madness17@hotmail.co.uk\n\ni sure hope things improve for you and best of luck for the future xxx\n:)
115487
Listen, this is very serious. I'm a counselor, and your friend is in real danger of hurting herself. Take her very seriously. You are too young to handle  this. You need to talk to someone you trust, whether it be your parents or another adult. I'm sorry if I'm scaring you. There are counselors who can help her. There are suicide hot lines.Look in the phonebook. There should be a listing in the front under emergency services. The burden of this needs to be put in the hands of an adult. A part of what makes this serious is the Moms abuse issues. Your friend has probably been exposed to this all her life in some form or another. Who ever you choose to help, hopefully your parents, will talk to you, and guide you. Answer me back when you can. I'll look for your message. Use the heading, I found an adult to help. Good luck honey.
364189
That sounds like a lot of WORK and responsibility for your parents. Maybe there is a good reason why your friend's parents won't allow it either. The only thing I can say is to remove as much of the burden from your parents. YOU clean the house, YOU prepare the food, YOU police your friends and make sure they follow your parents' rules and YOU clean up afterwords -- if you demonstrate to your parents that you can do all that and follow through you might have a chance.
317102
WHY can't you ditch her? She's having adolescent tantrums and needs to grow up. Help her by teaching her that her mood swings are NOT acceptable - teach her this by leaving her on her own... Some people need to be treated pretty unsympathetically if they are to learn anything!
235791
What a blessing you are to your friend! A lot of 16 year old girls would not even think about this.\n\nLet him know that you are there for him no matter what. If he needs a shoulder to cry on (yes, boys do cry), to talk, to sit quietly together without talking, help him take care of his younger siblings, long walks, talk on the phone ... It's going to take him a long time to come to terms with this. Just knowing that you are there for him will help.\n\nYou're a sweet young woman. Your parents should be very proud of you. I pray that you can help ease the pain he's going through. God bless you and him!