Okay I don't really know what I'm trying to ask I guess I'm trying to get opinions.  Okay see I have really bad trust issues, I have talked to my boyfriend about them and he is understanding of my problem.  But it seems I still get bothered by things.  I've never had anything set in stone to make me believe he would be unfaithful, so I really don't have a reason.  It just seems that him and I spend so much time together and talk so much on the phone that when we don't do those things it seems out of the ordinary.  I kind of feel that I need to get over these things because we are talking about moving in together and I just told him last night that I feel we really need to think about it because I would hate to think it goes bad and then one of us is screwed.  It just seems that when he gets mad he will go out with his friends and not call me until he is drunk and doesn't really care about what I have to say, and also he just won't call sometimes, because of work.  I know I am insecure.
204074
First of all, he has to earn your trust.  His actions, especially when he gets mad at, appear to be what erodes that trust.  I think you two need to talk about how you handle such things as fights and disagreements before you start living together.  Every couple has to define what is acceptable and what isn't.  I think if you can find trust during the times when he is mad then the rest will follow.
162035
You're right to feel like that. I would feel the same in this case. It would be better if you CLEARLY explain to your boyfriend that this REALLY BOTHERS you. Ask him how would he feel if he was in your shoes.Try to be persistent in what you are asking. Tell him that this is damaging your relationship and that you don't feel OK this way. If he REALLY LOVES YOU, he will cut off these phone calls. I hope it works!
667093
Now, this is my favorite one: 'Let him go, if he comes back, he is yours, if he does'nt, he never was' \nI believe in this, because it happened to me. \nI am guessing he cheated on you, or something.. and now you have trust issues. \nHappens!!\nDont wait for him to screw up, it wont work. I know, because I waited for my gf to screw up after she cheated and we got back.\nYou will only end up screwing your thought process!!\nWhat you are doing right this time to you are a lot mature and hopefully going slow. Which is good. \nLove him for what he is to you and for what he will be for you tomorrow. Dont resuscitate the past. \nI strongly feel you are going to make it. Just take it one day at a time, discussing your future and stuff is good and sounds ideal, but if you have had trust issues, I would not recommend you make long term plans.\nWhat say??\nCheers!!
113511
I agree those are what most people think, and the main one is Why? I think it comes down to, did I do something wrong, why did he/she do it? If your friends or family know about it and don't tell you I feel that's a huge betrayal. They either don't want to get involved but I think it's wrong for them not to, because then you look like a bigger fool when everyone around you knows but you. Both sexes need to be honest if they're cheating because it catches up  with them in the long run anyways. JMO
23833
Since i've never been unfaithful, i can't speak from experience. But, saying that, my ex-wife was unfaithful to me, alot. I big give away is lack of intimacy. If he doesn't want to touch you, there's something wrong. Strange phone calls that are secretive and at odd times. Does he have a good female "friend" or "mates" he often hangs out with, without you? Can you contact him at ALL times while he's away? Alot of mistrusting females i know check their man's mobile phone for odd calls and texts. Credit card statements for purchases is also a common one. I'm assuming you've talked to him about your concerns and he's denied all. You're still suspicious and don't quite trust him. A private detective could help if you're that concerned. I hope i've helped a little. :)
620363
NOT TO BE MEAN SWEETIE, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE POSITIVE HE'S NOT CHEATING.  NOW REALLY, HOW CAN YOU BE SO POSITIVE?  IS HE JUST THE ONLY MAN WHO WOULD NEVER CHEAT?  HE MUST BE.  AND AGAIN, I'M NOT SAYING THIS TO BE CRUEL.  IT'S JUST THAT YOU SEEM TO BE BLINDED AND I'M TRYING TO OPEN YOUR EYES UP TO THE POSSIBLITIES.  IT WON'T HURT AS MUCH, SHOULD YOU FIND OUT AN AWFUL TRUTH.\n\nI THINK IT HURTS MORE WHEN YOU'RE COMPLETELY BLIND SIDED AND YOU'RE LIKE WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?  WELL I'LL TELL YOU, A SEMI TRUCK JUST CRUSHED YOU, YOUR LIFE, YOUR HOPES, YOUR DREAMS, ETC...............\n\nAND I'M NOT SAYING HE'S CHEATING, CUZ I DON'T KNOW HIM.  POOR GUY, BUT HIS BEHAVIOR DOES INDICATE SIGNS OF CHEATING.  IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ALONE WITH YOU.  MAYBE HE'S GUILTY, MAYBE YOU MAKE HIM EXTREMELY NERVOUS.  MAYBE HE'S SHY.\n\nTHE ANTS IN HIS PANTS, WELL SOUNDS LIKE A GUY WHO JUST KEEPS ON GOING AND CAN'T STOP FOR TWO SECONDS TO TAKE A BREAK.  THAT'S NORMAL I GUESS, AS NORMAL AS NORMAL GETS.  THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.  THE PROBLEM IS HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.  THAT'S THE BIG ISSUE HERE.\n\nYOU REALLY NEED TO EITHER KEEP YOUR FEELINGS ON THE DOWN LOW, OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE ANY OTHER SIGNS LURKING AROUND AND CATCH HIM WITH HIS PANTS DOWN; OR YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND TALK TO HIM. COMMUNICATION IS A HUGE THING IN A RELATIONSHIP AND PEOPLE FORGET THAT.  HOW MANY RELATIONSHIPS WOULD NOT BE SAVED IF ONLY THE COUPLES WOULD SIT DOWN AND FREAKING TALK THINGS OUT FOR ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEZ.\n\nSO TALK TO HIM, TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, ASK HIM WHY HE'S AVOIDING YOU.  IS IT SOMETHING YOU SAID, SOMETHING YOU DID?  FIND OUT WHY AND DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH, AH IT'S NOTHING HONEY, YOU'RE JUST BEING SILLY.  OR HEAVEN FORBID HE GET IRATE WITH YOU AND PUT IT ALL ON YOU.  CUZ BABY GIRL THAT'S ANOTHER SIGN OF CHEATING.  THEIR GUILTY AND WHEN YOU CALL THEM ON SOMETHING, THEY PUT IT ALL ON THE OTHER PERSON.\n\nI WISH YOU LUCK AND HOPE THAT YOU RESOLVE THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.  CUZ I FEEL FOR YOU, I MEAN WHY DO WE GET MARRIED IF NOT FOR A LOVE, A LOVER, A COMPANION, A FRIEND AN EVERYTHING?  ALSO I FORGOT TO ANSWER YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION: DO I THINK YOU'RE OVER REACTING?  HELL NO!  SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT.  YOU FIND OUT.  TAKE CARE.
615773
well, that is a problem I can very well relate to.. I have this boyfriend who is as over possessive as you.. he would even go to the extent of knowing what clothes I wear on a daily basis.. who I talk to at work.. and crazy things like that..he more than once threatened to kill me with his bare hands just because I sometimes failed to answer his calls, he loves me I know and I love him as much, but really.. this is a problem we have between us.. well, am lucky he's so far away and could not get his hands on me, otherwise, am sure I'd be dead by now.. hi hi hi
469316
Honey I go through that all the time with my bf of 4 yrs. you may have picked the wrong time to asked. Questions that you want to ask like that catch him when your alone together in person, that way you can kinda know his answer through not only his words but, also his actions. Remember, eyes never lie. But, as far as you doing anything wrong you didn't. Men are like this, they like for you to tell them what they want to here yet, when you ask them a really deep question such as yours pertaining to the relationship most of the time over the phone you really can't get any good answer because nine times out of ten they are occupied by not only you but the t.v , radio , magazine etc. So catch him on the question when you are actually with him in person and see how he reacts. Hope I helped :)
153619
trust maybe lost if someone you know quite well has let you down, or if something you werent happy about that happened to you, there are different levels of trust, depends which you lack, if perhaps your boyfriend two timed you, you would find it hard to trust again, if you were assaulted or similar, it would be hard to trust again after that.\n\nor perhaps someone has lied to you, that can also shatter trust, if you have some idea of which trust you lack perhaps someone can give you a more in depth answer.\n\nif something has happened to you, in which you dont trust many people, accept what has happened to you, and try and realise not everyone has or will act that way towards you again, if its boyfriend or friend issues or parent issues, they have to earn trust, best way is to tackle it, identify your specific need. perhaps you are just insecure and you feel everyone is lying to you.
670147
Perhaps he thought when you said your the "bad guy" meant that you have done some naughty things as well which made him upset. Your revelation might have brought confusion in his mind. Doubts might have stepped in.\nSo, you must reassure him that its not because of it (like you cheated or what). Just make him know that its about an attitude issue. Ask for space and time to rebuild yourself and tell him that your doing it for him, and your relationship. If he doesnt agree of asking for time, then why not make him a part of your rebuilding process. Ask fof his help and guidance. In this way, he will feel appreciated and that you trully want him to be a part of your life. :-D
478841
You are going to have to bring it up with him if he won't. These things can be really difficult even for the closest and most articulate of people. Yours / and his possibly hearts are at stake here AND yours / his most significant relationship. He has been the only one that has endured over the past 7 years isn't he? Although I must add you didn't really give the others a chance by continuing to see and sleep with your friend, did you? You clearly actually love him on a lot of levels, which is wonderful but pretending that you are happy with the set up is just wrong and will ultimately make you really unhappy. If you are sure of your feelings for him then you must either bring it up with him or if there is some doubt in your mind that he feels the same way about you, you are just allowing yourself to be used. I'm sorry but it's true. I don't think any man would let the love of his life slip through his fingers, which may suggest he likes your relationship the way it is because there are no pressures/commitments etc... which men usually associate with a girlfriend/partner/wife unfortunately. Why do they think this? I don't know. Anyway, I would bring it up with him, it's clearly at the forefront of your mind and doing your head in. Maybe start by saying simply "We have spent so much amazing time together over the years and now more than ever, I never want it to change but I just feel I need to let you know how much I think of you. I love the time we spend together and you on so many levels". See what he says and take it from there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest, in fact I would highly recommend it. Too much time is wasted in this life and we only get one shot at it (that we know of!). All the very best to you.
660440
LOL!! That was a beautiful way to handle that situation!! <bowing humbly>  There is nothing wrong with what you asked him and if he's never talked to you like this before, I would be a little suspicious.  Why is he so defensive?  It was an innocent question, nothing clingy about it.  Something doesn't sit right with this...I could be wrong...but it sounds like he's trying to hide something.
621011
Hey I just wanted to say thank you for your response to my question, I think it really helped and it wasn't mean. I also think that you are right, he called me this morning and told me that he was knocked out and didnt get up until 12:30 or so. I guess it is still taking me some time to really relax and trust him but I think your response was the best. As far as your situation, my boyfriend is actually 28 and im 18 so yeah, think about that one lol. Thats 10 years older then me, but he loves me and I love him and its been the best relationship I've ever been in. I think true love prevails over age and just as long as you guys can respect each other and love eachother and probably give her some time to also grow, you guys will be just find. Age is really just a number I just feel like sometimes our decisions or the stage that we are at life can sometimes conflict. Just make sure you two continue to communicate and understand eachothers needs and wants to go about things the right way. G-luck.
58301
Your first option is to ask him.  Make sure you don't do it as an attack, or he'll probably cover it up.  Also, if you do it as an attack, and he isn't cheating, then he'll feel resentful and feel like any trust you two had, is gone.  Another option is to ask a friend {or PI} to watch your husband for a while.  Call him at work to see if he's there, find out what he's doing if he's "working extra hours"  Check emails, internet history, phone calls in and out, and so on.  Don't be afraid to pop in at lunch to surprise him with a home cooked meal.  This will give you extra time with him, make him feel special, and also thwart plans if he's trying to cheat.  Also, see if there are people that are with him often, that you feel you could get an honest answer from.  But honestly, I think asking him first, in a very soft and subtle tone, is your best bet.  But remember, never ask a question you can't handle any answer too.  I don't mean don't get angry or mad, but make sure you're at a place with yourself that you can hear what he has to say to you, no matter what his answer is.  I wish you all the best, insecurities, whether real or not, always hurt.
285073
It sounds like he has not done anything yet to make you have a reason to distrust him. I do believe that people can change they just have to want to and really make an effort to. I don't know the whole story, but from what you said it sounds like you have a good relationship so far. \n\nI think that all you can so is trust him. If he's right for you you'll know. (Sorry, that last line sounded a little corny.)
496467
Wow!  That's not an easy one, honey.  I don't think I could get past it either, even though nothing happenned, it would still be in the back of my head too!  I guess sometimes you have to draw a line.  For instance, when I go out with the girls for a night out w/out hubby, I enjoy talking with other men.  But, it's harmless, I do enjoy the conversation and flirtation, but I know that is healthy for any woman.  Now, here's the difference... I don't go out looking for it or take their phone numbers home with me and have private conversations.  That's clearly stepping over that line.  I love my husband and could never even picture doing anything intimate with anyone else.  I think you need to seriously consider what his intentions were.  Maybe what he was doing was harmless too, but if he is willing to give out his phone number and chat with her, that is a sign of taking the next step in my opinion.  And, the reason he immediately signs off when you catch him IM'ing her online, is a sure sign of guilt!  He knows in his mind he is doing something wrong, otherwise he wouldn't have to hide it.  Personally, I would never be able to forgive because it would haunt me, but that's me and I am a "ain't gonna take that sh!t type of person."  However, you may want to see a marriage counselor to see what the best choice is for you to move forward and past this.  I wish you all the best.  My heart goes out to you.  Good luck.  LOL.
643997
He must be insecure and he obviously doesn't trust you. Without trust, no relationship will work.  If you've asked him to stop invading your privacy, and he hasn't, it's time to cut him lose. You shouldn't settle just because you're afraid he'll be angry. You deserve much better.