why did he wash his face with a frying pan?\nhow did he comb his hair with a wagon wheel?\nhow can anyone die from a toothache in his heel?\nand why was he always late for supper?
201054
You've been watching too many Little House on The Prairie reruns. LOL
577843
Either:\n1. It was a great looking loaf, so they wanted to share it with others to see, and wiped in the next stall.\n2. It was a Lincoln Log - are hard dry masterpiece that required no wiping\n3. His wedgy undies will do the job for him throughout the day.
241761
* Q: How many months have 28 days?\nA: All of them!\n\n* Q: What kind o kitchen applianence is the Titanic Famous for?\nA: The sink.\n\nWillie: My uncle started out as an unwanted child.\nDillie: Have things changed?\nWillie: You bet! Now he's wanted in 50 states.\n\nQ: night watchman was watching the owners prize horse. One night he dreamed the horse was run over by a train. He told the owner it was a sign that something bad was going to happen to the horse. What did the owner do? He fired the night watchman. Why?\nA:  The night watchman was sleeping on the job. (he is the NIGHT watchman every night so if he was dreaming... he had to be sleeping)\n\nPatient: Doctor, doctor!\nDoctor: Yes?\nPatient: My legs are blackening!\nDoctor: Hmm. Have you tried washing them?\nPatient: Why? Will it help?\n\nThis paragraph is so ordinary that you would think that nothing is wrong with it at all, in fact, nothing is. But it is unusual. Why? If you study and think about it, you may find out, but i am not going to assist you in any way. You must do it without any coaching. No doubt, if you work at it for long it will dawn on you-who knows? Go to work now and try your skill.\n There is no E in the paragraph.\n\nQ: What is NBC?\nA: A dumb way to start the alphabet.
115855
I tried to give up Zombies for lent... Not doing so well am I? Nah... Looks like he was something close... I'm thinking hybred. His father was God and all so he had all the good in him. But there was that life after death thing... Hmmmm. \n\nWhat THE HELL? Lightning just taged the building! Wow... That was weird... Huh...
425634
It's Life cereal and they're talking about Mikey!!!!\n\n\nOh, just for future information, it is NOT true that the actor that played Mikey died from eating pop rocks and coke..........just thought we'd clear that up too....lol.  Have a great day!!
508310
1) a cold? yeah a ton of em.  None this year so far.\n2) an imaginary friend? he wasn't imaginary, other peole jsu couldn't see him.\n3) chicken pox? yes\n4) depression? still to this day sometimes\n5) voices in your head? oh God please make them stop.\n6) hallucinations? a few years ago I did.  Almost every weekend.  And one Summer for 2 weeks everyday.\n7) a pet? i have alot of pet peaves.  I've had dogs, and lizards and cats too.\n8) music lessons? only the Recorder lessons they give you in Elementary School.  I can still play Mary Had A Little Lamb\n9) martial arts lessons? Not officially.  I learned all my moves from Brolly.\n10) an allergic reaction? I'm allergic to incompetence.  It makes me break out in violence.\n11) a food fight? I try to start them as often as I can.\n12) a crush on some much, much older or younger than you? yes.  that's all i'm saying\n13) chronic nightmares? holy crap I had the same nightmare for almost 4 years.  There was this little african tribe doll that had a chain around it like a belt.  It was said that if the chain were to break the spirit of the Zuni warrior would escape.  Well the lady who had it slams it down in anger and the chain falls off and she is tormented and attacked by the little bastard. The little thing was unrelenting and very scary.  I saw it when i was about 4 or 5.  Talk about the Heebie Jeebies.
167331
Because he wasn't allowed to Jay-walk.\n\n:o)
158667
There's the story of the beheaded Baptist. It goes something like this, a preacher was late for services at a rural church one Sunday. the congregation waited and eventually decided to go look for him. At just that time they heard a knock at the door and there stood the preacher without his head. They went looking for his head and found it next to some RR tracks where he had fallen out of his buggy and the train lopped it off. I usually round this up with extras like a little drinking etc. and set it near the locale where I tell the story.
219007
MAGIC\n\nNo he was given bad gunpowder. To test his loyalty. he smelt the powder before he fired, and guest it was bad.\n(this was not shown the in the night before, but added to the final episode)
178780
1. We really don't know what he looked like.\n\n2. He was a wine guzzler...is that too different from a beer guzzler?\n\nIt is his message to humanity to do unto others as you would have them do unto you that matters.\n\nSome people think books like the Divinci Code or any of the more controversial books about the history behind the story of Christ as terrible scarey things.\n\nI think if you can put all the hero worship myths and legends aside...and still have faith in that core message...you will "be saved".\n\nWhat "being Saved" will be is another mystery for another discussion!\n\nHappy Easter!
607980
Of his religion?   of his Congregation?\n\nhmmmmmmmmm. Was he still alseep when he said this? or just got up 1/2 asleep?\n\nhahahahaha.  I need to google this one.\n\nbrb\n\nsave my seat.
440677
He could not have done what happened in the upper room at the last supper.\n\nBecause he wasnt put to deaeth yet.  "If I go not away the helper will not come"\n\nIf He didnt die, there would have been no holy spirit.  The upper room was the receiving of the spirit, not the 1st church service!\n\nRead John and Acts again\n\nDavid
24733
He ate fish after his resurection.\nHe hungered.\n Jesus even said himself "A spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see I have"
49160
The one about the girl who was tanning non-stop in tanning beds for like a week to look good in time for her upcoming wedding. She passed out, and basically dropped dead. They smelled something similar to meat burning and they found out she "cooked herself" from the inside out.
150425
Q: why did billy fall off the bicycle?\nA: because billy was a loaf of bread.\n\nknock knock\nwhos there?\ninterrupting cow.\ninterrupti -moo- \n LOLS
378594
If ghosts go through walls, why don’t they fall through the floor?  -  Because they are not real\n\nWhy isn’t evaporated milk a gas?  -  Only the water is evaporated\n\nWhy was it that in all different cultures the men always used to come first and never the women?  -  Because men asserted their domanance more?\n\nWhen you feel down, why do people ask what’s up?  -  Because no one understands depression\n\nIn horse racing, why do they award the rider and not the horse?   -  Because the horse would eat the medal
603645
Once upon a time there was a man, a little man who lived on the shore of a little brook near a well-worn bridge. Every day he traveled across the bridge and down a shady lane to the town where he worked as an accountant, keeping track of expenditures and costs for the bbutcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.\n\nEvery day he dropped a single flower he'd collected from the brookside at the door of the blacksmith's daughter, whom he admired greatly.\n\nOne day, as he traveled the shady lane home from work, a big monster came and ate him.\n\nTHE END