i'm fare away from home, from her. she is married, she doesn't love him.we've been together for 4 years and now she was scared to be with me, fare away from her past?why?
198831
If she is married, get out of this relationship.  There is nowhere for the relationship to go.
560080
everyone here is bashing the wife. we don't know for certain that she has cheated on him. i don't think she has. how many of us been hurt by a boyfriend or husband who has cheated on us. it sounds like that she forgive him and he done it again and again for his own reasons. right now she is hurt and mad and she feels betrayed by you. sounds like you really hurt her and her world is turn up side down and their is children involved then maybe she trying to figure how to handle this but i think there is more to this story then you are telling. if you love her so much why did cheat on her again and again and now u want forgiveness and win her love back. was you thinking about her when you was cheating on her? did you think of how she would feel when she found out? she doesn't feel good about her self right now and you caused that. now you feel insecure. maybe right now she feels insecure about herself and maybe she is trying to figure out where she went wrong in this and I'm pretty sure you blame her for all of your affairs right? give her time she is going through a lot right now. sounds like she was a very good wife to u and u throw it all away for some one night stands or relationships. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but she has every right to be mad and upset.
425569
Id like to say good luck and that it will.......BUT....you need to remember that you dont know what things are like on the otherside of the fence.....how is it possible that everything is her fault.....i dont honestly think it is, there surely must be reasons why she has moved out on him so many times.....i think you should ask to meet his wife, to understand all aspects of the relationship.....if not for anything, but your peice of mind to know, that things are really as he says.....
92538
I have to agree with rkrell, i have been where you are, get her out of that situation. it is nothing but trouble  for you. Those are the doors that need to be closed in life. Especially fomr the past, if they remain open your future will never be as it could and should be. Especially since you two want to get married. You are only short changing yourrelationship by allowing her to getto knwo this guy...bad move
53247
It is hard to move on but if she does not want to be with you anymore then you can't make her stay. Maybe your accusations pushed her away or maybe she just was not ready and thinks that she may need some time. Whatever her reason, do not push the issue! If you worry her then that will only push her away! There is nothing worse that someone hounding you. Just let her know that you do love her and that you are sorry that things have turned out the way that they have and let her know that you will always be there for her if she needs you. Leave it at that! If you want her back then live your life, don't mope after her. I personally know how hard it is to lose the one that you love but once I started going on with my life he wanted to get back together so he then seen how it felt to be "on the other side of the fence".
428042
I just don't see a feelgood way out of this.  Be honest with her.  It already sounds like you are compassionate.  Honestly explain your feelings, how long you've been feeling this way, how you struggled with it, didn't want to hurt her, etc but that you couldn't reconcile how you feelings evolved to living in a way that is in full honesty for both of you.  She's going to undergo grief and pain so there is no avoidance of that.  It really is hard to tell someone you care about as a person, knowing you're going to cause them pain, that you've tried, but don't feel the way you would like to feel anymore.  Many people deal with faded feelings in ways that cause even more problems down the line, cheating, avoidance, etc. It never makes the problem better so you know that it will take great courage on your part to get in the drivers seat and take the relationship to it's inevitable destination.  She was a whole person before she met you so hopefully she has the inner strength and faith to trust she will continue to be a whole person without you.
587245
Been through that my friend. There is no simple answer coz it's done. Tell her very politely that your relationship cannot live in the past and since you cannot change it, if she is so concerned she must have her freedom. Not simple, but that is how it should be. You cannot erase your past, only GOD can. I agree it has no relevance to your present circumstances. If it happened before you met her, she should love you for what you are. I hope she is an angel!!!
159510
When something similar happened to me, I tried to forgive but I could not forget. I ended up having to leave him for my own sanity. That level of betrayal is unforgivable.It sucks but you don't seem to be able to move on with her so maybe you so move without her.
285618
She probably is not ready to let you go and knows that after you see her for the last time you will be gone and she does not want that. My suggestion is to just move on because she does not know what she wants right now and until she figures it out then she needs to be by herself but you can wait for her forever. If you guys are met to be together you will.
309874
As much as it hurts, you should let her go. I know is nothing easy. BUt would you reallly want her next to you knowing she is not fully happy cause she wants to experience other things??   Let her be, and if you guys still love each other after time has gone by, then is meant to be.  Distance and time apart from each other does make you apprecaite what you have. Don't look at it as a time to be sad and mourn, look at it as a chance to find stuff about yourself and get invovled in new things. Best of luck hon!
347659
Trust is one of the hardest issues to address in any relationship.  She broke your trust and its going to take a lot of work for that to ever be right again.  I would honestly get into some marriage counseling for this reason alone.
599137
Stacy,\n\nWhen you've spent as much time with someone you love as you have and during that time also struggle together through various dependencies then even those struggles become things we tend to hang on to, despite the bad times associated with them. They become a connection to what we learn to perceive as our own reality so we hang on to them because we find hope or security in them even when that apparent reality is in fact not healthy or secure at all. You've made changes in your personal life obviously to discard some of those dependencies while your significant other has not. Yet you hang on to the one dependency that in the last 5 years has been a constant in your life and that is him, his very presence of being there close to you, touchable and reachable. You still see each other, you sleep together and you do this because you choose to look past his unwillingness to change. Why? Because for you, despite the past, you still try to find hope in a situation that seems to never offer any in return and you can't see yourself either giving up or drastically changing your life to leave it all behind. Maybe this is because you feel you have put so much into it and because by still being with him in certain ways it allows you to believe it may all change. Or, maybe you're just afraid to look to a future of starting over and rebuilding your life without him. Starting over can always be a scary proposition for any of us and just taking the first step is the most scary of all. Not unlike when a child pulls themselves up to the coffee table and for the very first time takes that single step without holding on. We risk falling down but if we measure our risks to minimize the fall then we find security in that and pull ourselves up and take another step. Reading all that you've written and having somewhat experienced similar situations I would be inclined to believe that for you to move on, as you want to do, you truly need a whole new start. New surroundings, new friends and new opportunity and again in my experience I've found the best way to do that is to put distance between myself and the past somewhere new and start fresh in life. Maybe this is for you too or at least something to consider. Scary thought? Sure it is but for someone who's obviously been through as much as you have then I suspect you're a strong young woman who is more than capable of doing so. I will hope for the best for you and should you need a friend in the future then all you have to do is reach out.\n\nBest Wishes Always
309677
Maybe she doesn't feel as strongly about you as you feel about her. Back off a little, and give her some space. As the old saying goes..."If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they are yours. If they don't, they never were." Besides, do you really WANT to be involved with someone that is incapable of displaying emotion? Marriage is a life-long commitment that should never be taken lightly. Good luck.....
129728
i don't know what's wrong with her, but if i were you i would get out now. how many more years of this crap are you going to take? if you have given her no reason to treat you the way she does and she still does it, she has some issues and you deserve better. in relationships where you have been together for a while and it seems like nothing will change, something drastic has to happen before anything will. take some time apart and reevaluated your feelings and the situation.
664966
why do you need to forgive her for things she did BEFORE you were married? Perhaps this is why we should all save ourselves till we are married....\nnonetheless, you married her despite her history, dont be so cruel as to call her names or think bad of her because of this.If you love her get over it and realise she married you. Her past life experience has made her what she is today.....the woman you fell in love with!\n\nall the best!
282887
You need to find someone that is going to love you for you no matter what. She's obviously looking for that perfect someone that just fell out of the sky without a past. Good luck to her and let he go. Maybe shell realize that you are a great person no matter your past!!
274621
Man you need help!!get it now before you hurt her. what happened to love? You must have loved her to marry her.I'm not for divorce but in your case I think she should run for the border.