My husbands brother and his wife are having financial trouble. Basically, a profitable business he has is starting to go under. My husband is very sympathetic, whereas I have been in that situation  and I realize that that is how life goes sometimes. \nMy husband and I started arguing because he wants to do everything he can to help.  Financially, we are "comfortable".  Not rich, but all of our bills are paid and we have money left over to work with. It is hard for me to be sympathetic towards these people as they have always lived like they were rich, even though they never have been.  Their house (and mortgage) is twice the size of ours. They buy extravagent things (300 dollar digi cam. 500 dollar earring for Valentines), and could even go out to dinner and spend almost 100 bucks! They didn't save a dime and lived WAY outside their means, and I have a problem feeling sorry for that. I wouldn't normally involve myself in this, but we have been drug into it by both of them.
215449
I wouldn't want to get involved either.  If they live beyond their means, then any money they lend you will be spent the same way.  Any help you offer should not be monetary, but maybe a helping hand some other way.  Don't let your husband be manipulated into helping them when it when nothing will be resolved.
69008
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
376730
When I got married I had a friend call me and tell me that she was just so broke and she felt bad but she just could not afford to be a bridesmaid. Now, my husband and I made the decision to pay for her expenses but if we hadn't decided on that or couldn't have done that it would have been fine for her to miss the wedding. She's my friend and I'll love her no matter what and when you're broke..you're broke...How selfish it would be for me to get mad about something like that. If she's really a good true friend, you should be able to talk to her about this.
373726
you just need to go with your heart. dont let financial status get to you. but dont lead both of them on and play with their feelings, thats not cool.
297114
I did figure you're the one that's got the 'property' here.. Sure! you want a prenup? What's the big deal (with him/his thinking?) Boy, you fight on this one now, he'll think up a LOTTA other stuff for ya later, consider that! You want him to tell you when to cash in your stock, how much to put down on that 'new car,' what he would do w/your investments? No? (Neither would I.. I bet he might do just that tho!) I had property and married someone (see? I know..) who was @$l00,000 in debt. (Guess who helped pay it off?) We sold "my" house and ended up 'trading up' and now that HIS name is on the new one, he acts like it's totally HIS.. so this deal stinks no end. Yeah, hate to see ya get in the same boat I am in. (I know, you didn't say he's got less.. it's just a 'hunch' I've got. Am I right?) I know Roseanne Barr declined a prenup when she married Tom Arnold as she was 'all emotional/in love and all' and SHE got taken to the cleaners by our good ole boy Tom there.. (I don't really care for either one, illustrating a pro-prenup point here is all.) Hope you don't luv this dude TOO much.. pick a richer one. mel
286054
Ask your wife what she thinks when your In-laws "let down" on you.  This should open a conversation that will allow you to tell her how you feel as well.  She should understands why you are not at the same financial level as her older siblings.  Work together making your financial goals.  Check the progress often together.  She can set her parents straight if that's needed.  No one likes to be put down and should they keep up this behavior, I would make the contacts with them as minimal as possible.  (The natural consequences for people who are jerks...no one wants to be around them.)   Hope this helps!
565082
Hell no!  LOL!  I know, I know... some women are into that, but it ain't me.  Dating is an interview for marriage imo, and if he can't support me on a little thing like that... why would I expect him to be financially stable on anything else?  Now, later on in the relationship... after you've been together say, at least 6 months... then I could see helping a dude out if he needs it.  I've given my man $20 here and there for gas when he was having a rough time.  But in general, he knows how I feel about those things.  Luckily for me though, he feels the same way... has pride about providing for "his woman" or whatever.  heh.\n\nP.S. Why are you asking this?  Is it out of your own concern, or is it because he *refuses* to pay more than 50%?  Cause I think that makes a big difference in how it should be addressed...
502335
I AGREE WITH YOU WHOLEHEARTIDLY.  I see all these people flipping out their credit cards when it comes to pay.  They go to bed worrying, they are thousands of dollars in debt, they probably have all kinds of high blood pressure, ulcers. etc.   If I can't pay for it cash, I don't get it.  I learned  my lesson by putting myself in major debt with credit cards.  I have paid them off and now I live a simple life.  I have taught my children to appreciate things.  Don't get me wrong. I give them what they need, but they are not spoiled little brats. They have learned to appreciate the value of things and money.  Excellent question and though provoking.
61765
I read the original post. I read the original 4 answers. I'm confused.  I didn't see smartass remarks (well, one was borderline), what I see is a question that cannot be answered in this forum as asked.  There are too many variables to consider.  BTW, before you say I'm jealous, let me just ask:  Jealous of what? YOU haven't won anything, and you are trying to mooch of your brother in law.
328857
it is always nice to see that a couple wants to be responsible for their own bills but there should be a higher sense of "what is mine is yours and viceversa", see the problem is not now, the problem is not in your system, the problem is when american couples disolve, they are very angry at each other and instead of working that out they go out in an all out attempt to screw the other one, that is why it is nice to get insurance, have two accounts each, one for the money you want to invest into the relationship and one for harder times
50092
No, it's not just your family.  I think it has something to do with knowing your family, and what is behind them wanting you to do something for them.  The history is there to draw from, and with a stranger, we never know what to expect ... We've all had family members that only need us when they want a certain thing from us.  That grows tiresome after a while and your less likely to give freely, without resentment.\n\nBut I find I don't ask my family for much EVER, because I don't seem to be given to freely without a big hassle of them pretending they want to, then complaining about how it put them out for minimal reasons, I don't impose on them, now if I really need something, or get into a tight spot with my schedules I rely on friends to back me, as I would for them, it's much more freeing to give and receive without someone keeping track of who owes who what.\n\nBut I have seen families that were worse than mine, like a family that had the understanding of "anything I do for you has a pricetag, and I expect you to pay me for it"....I couldn't imagine having a family member needing to move and if I had a truck telling them the rent on the truck was $30.00 a day and the gas needs to be on full when it's returned. Or helping them sell a car by giving your telephone number to someone and expecting a finders fee of half the profits, when you already paid them to help you fix the car up...I find those things odd.
73543
I think that whether the couple wins a ton of money or loses it all it could potential ruin the relationship.  Too much money and they could start to argue about what to do with the money or they could potentially split.  Losing it all they could end up arguing about why you made such a bad deal.  Then again, they could live happily ever after.  One never knows.
478408
My family is going through some financial strains this holiday season, so I told my husband not to buy me any gifts. He agreed. I immediately felt disappointed, and I imagined Christmas morning with no gift under the tree -- how sad I would feel. I wish I had suggested a dollar limit, even if it was just $10 or $20. I would have been quite happy with a DVD, book or a music CD. Just a little something to celebrate the love. Thanks for asking the question. It got me to own up to my true feelings. I think I'll let my husband know what they are and make my suggestion of a limit. :-)
510931
God hears all prayers, he just doesn't answer those that aren't in harmony with His plan (If you're asking for $1,000,000 it's not going to happen by His hand because it's not part of His plan. If you're asking for help to scrape by one more day, He's going to help out.)\nMy experience: My husband and I were coming home from Church (We're JW's) and we stopped at a McD's on our way home (I was pregnant and craving food). A woman came up to us and asked for some help, she told us that her car broke down on her trip to FL.(where we lived at the time) and she lost all her money getting her car fixed and doesn't have enough to get home and asked for a few bucks to help her get home in GA. All we had left for the week was $19 (it was Tuesday, my hubby doesn't get paid until friday, and that $19 was just enough to get us through the week for gas and food (I didn't work at the time because of complications with my pregnancy, so it was just his paycheck that we were living off of) I offered the woman all we had and she offered to pay us back. We told her not to worry about it. My husband (who can be pessimistic) was a bit worried that we wouldn't have enough to make it through the week, I told him not to worry & that God provides (Matthew 6:26) for what we need. Needless to say our night didn't end there (there were a few more things that made the night interesting) Well, my husband went to work the next day and wanted to tell his co-workers of the night he had (without expecting anything from them, he told them) Graciously, his Manager gave us $40 as a friend giving money to a friend.\n\nI know it sounds upsetting..."Why give a strange woman money, she could be lying to you." or "That wasn't a very good choice, it was all you had."\n\nWe gave out of our hearts (whether the woman was lying to us or not, we gave the money to her with the thought that we were helping her get home) If she lied to us, then she'll get what she deserves.\nMy point is this: don't make yourself into poverty to see what God will do for you, but life comes along and makes things difficult. If you ask Him to help dealing with persecution, or making through the week because of an unforseen circumstance (Matthew 6:26) He will help you. But you must also be patient, keep you're mind open and remember that some prayers aren't answered for a reason (whatever it may be)\n\n(P.S. there are many prayers I have asked, not all of them have been answered (yet, I'm still waiting))
520737
Personally, I don't buy for all of my family/friends.Most of the family still give gifts to me as they please, for which I am very, very thankful for and I let them know this. But, I've made it clear a long time ago that I am NOT going to feel obligated to purchase/give gifts - it defeats the purpose of gift giving!!!  \nJust mention politely before the holiday that you won't be giving this year, and "please do not feel obligated to give to me", something like that.\nIf they get snippy that is their issue! You can't be blamed that people have come to be selfish. Some people would rather get something from you knowing you didn't care, than to wait for a heart-felt present. That's their problem!
79332
I can't answer for others, but I can speak for myself.  I have more money than the rest of my family and I have worked very hard for what I have.  Members of my family are always coming to me for money.  I am tired of it.  I have a sister and a other family members that do not work and look at me like a bank.  I do not mind giving a hand up, but I am sick of giving hand outs.  I now refuse to help those that refuse to help themselves.  However, that doesn't mean I don't help others.  Two weeks ago I paid for an eye exam and a pair of glasses for a woman I didn't know.  I met her in the doctors office and she was crying, they wouldn't accept medicaid as payment.  I talked to her and heard her story.  I then told the lady I would pay her bill and I did.  It cost a few hundred dollars, but I felt it was the right thing to do.
153795
I am currently able to pay my bills, however I lived many years under the poverty level while both myself and my husband worked fulltime jobs. I understand completely the horrid feeling of not having enough money to put food on the table of make a rent payment some months. Most months I would have to "borrow" from my father. I did not have the ability to pay my father back, so I now have been "gifted" those amounts. I was lucky to have a father who could help out in such desperate times of need. However, we also did not have health insurance, and my husband became disabled. We racked up lots of medical bills we just could not pay at that time. \n\nThe bill collectors began calling at all hours of the day and night. They would leave harrassing phone calls on the anwering system. This was before there was law stopping such behaviors. They would say such horridly hurtfull and plain mean statements, calling us deadbeats, irresponsible, theives, corrupt people who did not think we had the same responsibility to pay our debts others in soceity did. That we were bad people and lazy, to get jobs and be responsible adults who did not take advantage of others and deprive them of their rightfull payments. That saying we need to feed and house our children was not an excuse as those we were not paying had families too, and by not paying we were taking the food and housing away from their families. (which was not true as these folks make massive amount of money, but that is not a reason to not pay, they still deserve payment for services rendered like anyone else). Basically these phone calls became so harrassing I had to unplug my phone.\n\nI think you should not answer these calls. You already know your financial condition far better than those bill collectors. They do not care about you or your family, they do not give a darn about whether or not your children will still be able to eat if you bow to their rediculous demands. So, stop answering the phone and trying to explain your situation. They do not care and will only argue with you and basically make your life much more stressfull than it is now. \n\nThere are thirty million families in America currently living under the poverty level. The vast majority of these families have two working parents who are both receiving minimum wage for their labor. Most of these families do not have health insurance and are an illness or injury away from losing everything. \n\nThere is such a misconception of our working poor. Many think it is a simple matter of going out and finding a better paying job, or obtaining more education and them obtaining a higher paying job with benifits. Many think these people are willing to stay in the state they are currently in due to lack of drive to acheive more. \n\nThe truth of the matter is this: Currently a family of two fulltime employed parents working minimum wage jobs spend one fith of their income on just the gas they need in their car each month. A study which was aired recently on an Operah show demonstrated that out of a weeks pay it takes working one full day to pay for the weekly gas for the one car owned. If they are lucky enough to own a car. That is one fith of earnings. \n\nCurrently, we are not suppose to pay more than one third of our monthly income on the major expense of rent and utilities, yet it requires one fith of income to put gas in the family car! \n\nFederal minimum wage is currently $5.15. With both parents working 40 hour weeks that is a gross income of $1,468.00 monthly! Currently rent alone in my area is an average $900.00. That is 61% of the family monthly income. This figuare does not include utilities, food, clothing or medical expreses, or the gas and maintanence for the car! \n\nMany families are forced into sharing living quarters. They have to either move in with family or share the rent with another family just to make it. In a society which prizes self suffencency, we do not have a system in place whic