Divorced for two years, with a terrific 5 year old daughter. I've missed adult companionship. I'm reluctant to explore finding a new relationship because of such bitter feelings about my past failed marriage, wanting to promote a stable environment for my daughter, not to mention really not knowing how to go about finding someone of interest (other than at the bar, which I'm not a fan of). Any suggestions about how to calm my apprehensions? How long should I wait before introducing my daughter? Where to meet someone worthwhile?
209701
When I divorced my first husband I swore I'd never get married again. Well, a year and a half later I fell in love. Six months after that I remarried a terrific man who helped me raise my sons. That was 20 years ago and we're still together and very much in love.\n\nI agree with you about the bar scene. I was fortunate to meet my husband through my family. Many churches have singles groups for adults. \n\neharmony.com seems to be a great place to meet just the right guy: http://www.eharmony.com/\n\nIt is scary when you first start dating. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and say yes to that first date. You already know the things that you don't like from your first marriage. Use that knowledge as you get to know your dates. I'm not saying carry that baggage with you, but it can be a yardstick to measure by. Take your time and don't rush into anything.\n\nOnce you know that you're going to get married, then introduce him to your daughter. Talk to her ahead of time so she knows what to expect. Let their relationship develop at its own pace. \n\nMirror.co.uk has an article that may give you some guidance: http://www.mirror.co.uk/sexandhealth/sexandrelationships/tm_objectid=16872368&method=full&siteid=94762&headline=will-a-new-man-upset-my-child--name_page.html\n\nI found my true love after a disastrous first marriage. You can too! God Bless!
582453
Simply just find yourself a new friend and make sure he makes you happy. :) You will know how to tell your daughter when the time is right.
177728
Go to a chat room for divorced people who are in there 50's and just start chating. You may meet the man of your dreams. Good luck.
157688
first of all congradulations on your divorce-i am divorced too-when it's not the right one it sure feels good to be free-get involved in your community-i feel this is the best way to meet decent people-community theatreor go to local chamber of commerce or city hall and check out their events calander-get involved in something you enjoy-not only will you meet people but you will be doing good things for the community too-
263894
Not trying to get personal cuz I don't know you - but- do your children have a mother in their lives?  Even though you are not together for whatever reason (divorce, separation, death {I hope not because she died}), your daughters need their mother.  You are only one person and cant be both mother & father to them.  I understand myself what you are going through having to raise children by yourself.  The best thing to do is to be the best father you can, show them what a good man is.  When your daughters grow up to be women & date/get involved w/men, you want them to have a good example of what to look for in a man.  If no mother in their lives, possibly a female relative/close friend for a female role model?  Try not to put so much emphasis on finding a mate in order to fill the position of mother for your children.  In looking for a mate, look for a woman who accepts the whole package - children & all.  If you are truly happy alone as you say, then enjoy your time alone now.  When the time is right, that special lady will come into your life.  Better to take the time to be alone, reflect on what you may want to work on/improve in your life. Maybe go to college, take up a sport, join a club, etc.  Concentrate on enriching your life as it is now so when the time comes, you will have built your self esteem up so you will be more confidant and secure with your life.  Your daughters need you to show & express how much you love them.  Oh sure, being teenagers they sigh, roll their eyes, think your weird, etc., but deep down they still need your approval more than ever before.  It is a difficult time in a girl's life, trying to find out where she fits in in this crazy world.  Let your daughters know they hold a special place in your heart.  And as for you losing your sanity with teenage daughter, you're not crazy - you're normal and so is your daughter.  She is going through a rough time in her life right now on top of not having her mother around.  She'll be alright.  Be there for her.  Be the rock for her to lean on when times get rough and no matter what she does to drive you crazy, remember it is her way of seeing if you still love her.  Tell her you do & give her a big hug.  She may pull away, but she will remember your actions and it will mean a lot to her even if she doesn't say it.  Trust me, I was a teenage daughter myself once who drove my father crazy, too.  \n\nGood luck!
621003
Well darling, while I always love to have a good time I must say my children come first. And I must say that I admire that fact that your children are very important to you too. Since our relationship is just starting out, I think it is best that we don't meet each other's kids. At least not just yet. That way, if it doesn't work out, (or I find you to be particularly creepy...vice versa), it alleviates the need for any explanations or awkward situations for either us or our children.\n\nIn the beginning, I need you to take it slow but not too slow. If you have a question or concern, don't be afraid to ask me, and I will be honest and upfront about my desires. Don't try to give me any illusions about who you are because I know about the man behind the curtain. And try not to be too controlling. I am in no hurry to jump into a strong, possessive and legally binding relationship. If that was what I wanted, I would have stayed with my Ex. I want to have fun, but I also want you to be a gentleman and treat me like a lady. Let's keep it light the first few dates, and if things go well, then we can gradually begin to include the kids. After that we can talk about expectations. For now, mutual respect is good enough for me...
314735
I had a relationship that lasted 2 1/2 years in which the guy I was seeing (and was supposed to marry) had a four year old son when I began dating him. The mother had abandoned them both a year earlier. I raised the child as my son - he even called me Mommy. His father worked two jobs for a while, so during that time, I was actually more like a single parent to his son - I did all the baths, all the homework, all the cooking, all the quality time, all the bedtime stories and all the discipline. I loved that child like he was my own, and I still love him. \n\nThe relationship went south, and I stayed because of the child for a long time. The mother eventually got custody of him (MESSED UP!), and took him halfway across the country. I didn't have a problem with him seeing his mother and knowing his mother, in fact, I WANTED him to see and know her, but I also felt that he was my son in my heart. When we had to tell him that the judge said that he had to go and live with his mother, he said, "But your my mommy, too, so that means I can still live with you!" Heartbreaking.\n\nI couldn't see him anymore, I couldn't protect him anymore, I couldn't be there for him anymore, because I had no right to legally. That was the absolute worst thing I've ever had to go through as a result of a relationship - and the relationship itself was pretty darn bad. \n\nAs a result, I won't get involved with a man that already has kids anymore. I am too scared to love a child if all the rights I have to that child are in someone else's hands. That may be irrational, but it's too much of a risk for me. Been there, done that.
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
289871
I understand what you're going through. I've been separated from my husband for about 15 months now. I'm "lucky" enough to have a good, single girlfriend that urged me to go out clubbing with her on the weekends, so I didn't just sit at home. However, I didn't get into any relationships, as I was hurt so bad and I had been married for so long.\n\nTo 'satisfy' my physical needs, I used/use 'toys' and read erotica. Emotionally, it has been much more difficult. I started chatting online and made a lot of 'friends' and had a lot of fun 'flirting'. Gradually I began to recuperate and realize life will go on.\n\nTHEN a very unexpected and wonderful thing happened. I hooked up with a wonderful man online. I wasn't looking, and there he was. We have been developing our relationship for 5 months long distance, and are making plans to meet in the next few weeks. \n\nI have no idea if this will help you, but as time goes by it WILL get better!
200018
Thanks for making that clear for me, I was going to ask you out.\n\nBut seriously folks, you have to understand that people do not plan on getting divorced when they get married.  I sure didn't.  When my wife left me, she left me with two children to raise.  Did I grow up and dream of being a single father, no, but it is the situation that I find myself in.  That being said, There is still a lot of love left inside my heart for another person.  And I don't feel that I am alone on this one.  To say that you would not go out with someone that is divorced is cutting your self short and loosing out on the opportunity of someone that has already been through heart ache and really understands what having a good relationship means.\n\nGood luck on your search for the pure ones on this planet, it will be a very long search.
357253
perhaps because you're looking for it . . . If you focus on other things like hobbies, home improvements, family trips and outings, just bettering your life as it is --you and your kids I promise Love will find you\n It will happen right around the time you truly get it off your mind and settle into this new lifestyle. the best things start to happen when you're not looking . . . \nstay positive and do quality things with your kids Every woman loves a man that has strong bonds with his kids . . . Stay single for a while enjoy being a dad-- That's the kind of Love some people never get the chance to have.
583276
How long has it been since you divorced?  You just might need more time.  You'll know  when you're ready for a serious relationship again.  Take time to find yourself again and reassess what you want out of life and in a mate.  If you don't feel you're doing ok on your own, seek some counseling.  It really does help to talk things out and put them on the table.
186158
If you really want to get in contact with her, nothing should stop you.  Try phone books, internet directories, let everyone know that you are looking for her.  Maybe a friend of a friend might give you a good lead.  The separation may have made you realize just how much you loved her, and it's important to try and see if the relationship should continue or if you have to seek closure.  The last thing you want to do is end up with regret when you are older.  If the relationship does not work out the way you would like, at least in retrospect you can say that you tried everything for the sake of love.  I've heard people say time and time again how much they regretted not pursuing a love interest further when they were younger.  So go for it and good luck.
421616
sucks to work with the person you are married to.  You see them 24/7.   Not much to talk about after work, because each of you already knows what happened.  The height thing has no bearing.  I am only 5"...my daughter swears 4'11"...but I have almost ALWAYS dated guys who were no less than 6'3".  I never planned that, it just happens.  My current husband is only 5'10" and the guy that wants me after we divorce, if we do, is only like 5'8".  You need to look at common interests, common goals, morals, but mostly you just need to see if you can picture yourself with this person 30 or 40 years down the road.
314473
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
321988
Dude, you sound just like me. My wife left me last July.  We had been together for 7 years.  We didn't have kids, do you?  I think that might make a difference.  Anyway, I turned 28 2 days after the divorce was final.\n\nYou have every right to feel scared.  Since we were kids whenever we hooked up with our exwives, we never really went through the dating scene that you are about to enter.  I see that some of the peeps are advising you not to enter in to a relationship, but you arent asking about a relationship, you are asking about dating, gotta keep that seperated.  If you are anything like me, your world has stopped spinning and you are all sorts of messed up in the head.  Don't let that part of you bring down the rest of you.  For me, it was real freaking important psychologically to know that I could still pull tail.  Let me tell you, it was not that hard.  Just so you know, I am nothing special.  I aint Mr. GQ.  I aint some gym rat either.  I tell you that because I always see dudes our age at the bars all GQ'd out looking like they live in the gym and I never thought I could compete with that, well don't.  You don't have to.  You don't want the bar flies that chase those dudes anyway.  \n\nFirst thing you gotta do is get your mind right.  You are a dude that was faithful to 1 girl from the time you were an irresponsible kid till now.  You havent been in bars chasing skeezers every night since you turned 21.  You are a good dude that is different than those type of guys.  You understand relationships and women.  You know the expectations of a woman and will naturally meet them.  Things like calling, being thoughtful, etc. are hard for dudes who have never been married, its natural for you and women love that.  Girls that are our age have the same concerns that we do.  Good girls are looking for good dudes and are willing to give you a chance if you can present an acceptable formula of traits.  You know you can.  \n\nI have dated 5 girls since my wife left me 9 months ago.  1 was a girl that I knew from highschool, (work that circuit).  3 were girls that I met via my job that worked for other companies, and the most recent one was an acquaintance of one of my friends wives.  If you are anything like me, your friends are all married and the wives know that you are a good dude, thus willing to set you up.  Keep your expectations real.  You know deep down the level of girl that you can pull.  Work all angles and dont listen to anyone who gives you a time table.  You need female companionship to get your esteem up.  Take it where you can get it.\n\nYou'll be alright.  It'll all work out for you my man.
125576
Well, I'm not going to lie and say it's easy, but when I was 31 I was just getting divorced from my first wife, and dating a girl I met in a Burger King (of allplaces) for a while. That relationship ended kind of mutually.\n\nThen I met my current wife online. And here I am. By the way, did I mention that this marriage involved emigrating from England?\n\nAnyway, I didn't rest on my laurels for one minute. As soon as I was free and clear from wife #1 I was out every weekend going to my favorite club and meeting people all the time. I  just relaxed and had fun. It's true that when you try too hard it kind of shows and I guess it's offputting to some extent. In both cases, the girl and my wife, I wasn't trying at all. It just came to me.\n\nI suggest finding a few night spots that you like. Go with friends or go alone, it's all the same. Just enjoy yourself and someone will just show up and change your life.