He is now at home being cared for by my elderly mother who is making herself ill now - I just wish I could be there to help her but I don't stay with them anymore and I have to work.   I don't think he has long to live and although we all have been preparing for this for a year I am scared how I will cope when the end comes.  Also. I have neglected my own husband as most free time is spent at my parents who live very local to me, trying to give support to my Mum.   In front of everyone I put on a face, but inside I am being cut up with the whole situation.   Whatever happens I have to be strong for my Mum
203296
As I lost my husband to cancer and having adult children, I must tell you that your mother does need you. Your husband will and should understand. No matter what anyone says, to hear that he will be in a better place once the battle is over, will be of no comfort to your mother. It will not lift her burden of taking care of him for all this time either. It's not a burden when you love someone. I'd rather have my husband here. Yes, he's no longer in pain, and yes I'm happy he's not, but when that loss finally happens, you'd rather have him here regardless. \n\nYour mother will not be prepared for the loss when it happens, just as you won't. It's impossible to prepare for that even when you know it's inevitable. I was exhausted from caregiving, I felt alone. You find it hard to talk about your fears to your children, and you find it hard to relay these fears to the person you're taking care of. Your mother needs caregiving too, and she will need you there after your dad loses the battle he's fought so hard in. You will need comfort too, but realize how big of a loss this will be for your mom. You will get that comfort from your husband, but your mom will no longer have her husband to comfort her, she'll need it from you. You don't have to put on a face. Your mother knows it's ripping you apart too. Share that with her, listen to her and reassure her just as she would reassure you. \n\nI feel your pain and your mom's pain. My thoughts are with you.
582809
I am about to have a tumor the size of a cantalope removed from my body this Friday.  I also have a mass on a kidney.  I would be leaving behind three great little kids.  I care if you live.  You don't know what you have until there is a threat that it will be taken from you.  When I was younger I admitted myself to a psych hospital for three weeks because I didn't see any more reason to live.  Back then I really couldn't see any future for me.  If I had only known all the good things that were down the road.  Life is a gift and the best is yet to come.   Even if things are tough now, believe me, better days are ahead.  I care very much.  I don't want to die, and it hurts me to think of someone not understanding what they are throwing away.  Please seek help if you are serious.  Your are worthy of a wonderful life.  You deserve good things.  I don't know you, how old you are, what your situation is or if you are just bored and typing this question to see what people say but no matter what your reason for writing, I can assure you as someone facing some scarey stuff, I care very much that you CARE that you live.
29370
I'll pray for you, and your sanity, and your loneliness at your time of need.  There is no advice I can offer that will ever make you feel better about not having your wonderful husband by your side and in your arms each night, so I pray you have enough to carry you until you are able to be with him again.\n\nSince everyone so far has expressed support for you and him, how about your own personal fan club?.. For the both of you, we could all send a nice letter every now and then showing our prayers and thoughts are with you both, of course that would concern giving out your e-mail address, so I understand if you wouldn't want to.
53940
I'll pray that god will soon help him and his family to come out of this trouble, I'll pray that soon he will be togather with his family, lots of prayers, best wishes and love form sk_chilled@yahoo.co.in. please inform me when he gets well. Don't worry he'll be saved. Trust GOD.
600472
as i see it you are doing the wright thing. you must care for him. or you would not be doing it. and his mother and family need some ones help. and if they dont mine. you do it. god bless you and all there.sharon
99366
I know what you are going through, and I completely understand... missing your husband so much that it physically hurts.  It isn't the same seeing them on web-cam, or chatting in the Internet. Sometimes it helps to have a good cry (I always feel better after having a good cry), take a good long look at your kids, spend allot of time with them, watch them sleep for a bit, and hold them close... It will help.  Tomorrow is another day. Like the other posts said, start a journal, put all your feelings down on paper. Go see your parents or friends, get out of the house! Remember, take things one day at a time, and put your trust in god.  He will be there for you, he will shelter you, and he will take away the pain. I know this isn't really helping much but you will pull through this. I will pray for you tonight (and your hubby & kids.) Virtual Hugs (wish I was there to give you one in person) God Bless
325960
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
39775
I am sorry to hear about your father. Sounds like your mother may need some help.  I can't begin to give you advice, but my heart goes out to you and your family.
611238
Well girl I have to commend you on your patience and understanding of his illness.  It takes a Strong person emotionally to be able to stand by him through all of this.  But now that it is all said and done and he is still treating you like crap.  That should tell you some thing.  I won't tell you to stay or leave.  You will have to decide that for your self.  As my mother told me once, life is to short for one or both to live it being miserable.  And she was a firm believer in marriage, you take the good with the bad.  But when one is hurting the other so bad that it is killing them inside it's time to make a decision.  And yes God will forgive you if you leave.  He is a forgiving and loving God.   He understands what you have been through.  Pray for guidance.  God did not put us here to be a door Matt for abuse.  You have a right to be happy.  And I can see that your night.  You need to do what is right for you.  It will take time for the wounds to heal. But as long as you are with him they will never heal.  Things will just get worse.  Good luck do what is right for you.
646401
Do you remember your wedding vows in sickness and in health? You know if my spouse wasnt taking care of me and showing the love and support I needed I might just pack my things and say ADIOS! I mean given you need help if your mother is there to help you then take what you can get. If she isnt being a wife or partner at all then what is the marriage about? Sounds like a house full of misery to me. Thats the last thing you need you need some love and support regardless of the mistakes youve made. If she cant trust you or get over the things that happened maybe you guys should get some help with your marriage. Otherwise if she cant get over it, I think she isnt going to change how she feels and maybe the marriage is over. I think if I was sick with cancer Id want positive things in my life and if someone is dragging me down Id either talk to them about it and work it out or like I said if that doesnt work and youve exhausted other options, stay with your mom. You need positive reinforcement right now to help you get through. Good luck.
656028
Would the best time for you to think about you be when you are being hauled out on a stretcher or in a coffin? If you are being abused, GET OUT. I went through the same thing. Depression made hubby #2 the same way, and his mother thought I was just awful for leaving him, but you know what? Mommy wasn't living with his abuse 24/7!
630870
My mother in law feels sorry for my husband. He thinks that I don't do anything at all..and that I should have a job so he doesn't have to work so hard. \nThe truth is..she was Missing In Action for most of my husband's life..having to work all of the time at menial jobs. He has very few memories of her being there at all.\nSoo...I have learned to avoid her, and shrug off her unsubstantiated criticisms.
457437
tell them no. that's what he wants you to do serve him. find an agency that offers 24 hour care or you can also contact hospice they are trained to help the family with respite and other situations were it is impossible for the family to care for the terminally ill.and he can afford it if they are well to do. i know you are a good person just by reading your story, but he hates you, not dislike or slightly annoyed, just mean. explain to your husband that after all the years you just wouldn't be comfortable taking care of such a mean spirit. i know him and his family will come up with another idea. and the elderly and sick need more attention and care.good luck and forgive him and pray for him.
386855
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
218421
hey i am the a s s here. I am trying my best to deal with it. I thought it would go away but it has not. I have noone to help me with this and I am at a loss. maybe the best idea is just death. I cannot live like this anymore. i cannot beleive I am this man. I realize this woman is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I appreciate her so much. I was just looking for some ideas on how to make it stop.
136194
Do you have family?  I would stay close to your family, and your husband's family, and lean on them as much as possible to help you through this, at least initially....
318818
I know how you feel my mum and i went through the same thing except she didn't have a child by him.She got married i did try to warn her but to no avail there is nothing else you can do except be there for her.my mum divorced after a year and moved away.I'm happy for you with your grades at least there not going down the pan.I am shocked she is still with him after saying he would be happy if you was dead.Hope you can make her see sense good luck xx