I was with my ex for nearly 10 years and we split as he cheated on me. We both had short term relationships after but neither of them worked out (his has very recently finished) I miss him so much and want to get him back with me but i dont no where to start.  Weve been spending a bit of time together recently and this has just made me more sure this is where i want to be with him.  We have 2 kids together and i dont want them messed around but equally I dont want them knowing how upset i feel by all this. Please help - i dont know if i should tell him how i feel or not.
211015
just sit him down and tell him.\nit makes it easier that u guys have been together recently, that means he too is willing to come back. tell him u love him so much and u think u guys are good together but u must also discuss the reason u split if not it may happen again. but try not to act too desperate, like ur world fell apart when u guys split cos that could turn him off, ok?\ndont act like it didnt happen, if he did it once and doesnt see why he shouldnt do it agian, u just might split again...\ni really want it to work out fine for u especially since he is the father of your kids...\ntell us how it goes... cheers!
618220
you should just tell him that you need some time to think about the way things are going. take a break from the relationship. maybe after you leave him for a lil bit,  you'll start missing him, and that may get your ex out for good. and if you say there's no chance with you and your ex, then it's better for you to look for a way to just forget about him, that's only gonna hold you back.
207283
The best way to help your ex get on with his life is by getting on with your life. Show him that there's life after divorce, and happiness. Be courteous, but not over-friendly. Discuss what needs discussion, like the kids, or whatever, then have places to go, and things to do...don't spend time in useless dialogue. Also, as far as property goes, settle that as soon as possible. If you and he have no possible reconciliation, no need to spend a lot of time together. Move on!
655427
No you don't have to tell him. What you did during your break is your business and your business alone. \n\nHowever, know there is the possibility that he will ask. And by not answering or lying you will reveal more about your relationship than you might care to admit. \n\nAlso know that he may find out one day. People talk and you'd be surprised how small the world really is. He'll not only learn the truth but also learn that you kept it from him. \n\nI, personally. am always skeptical of relationships that have breaks, but that's just me. A lack of trust is hardly going to do wonders for your relationship now that you're back together, especially since you've already decided to part at least once.\n\nBut as I've said, you don't *have* to tell him.
158268
It is normal to want to get back w/ your ex. However, you should only get back w/ him only if you want to.  Don't let him pressure you into it. There are a lot things you have to take into consideration...i.e. like why did you all separate, can u trust him, and is the relationship worth trying again? Whatever you do, don't rush to make decisions, take things slowly, and remember ur happiness is most important. Good Luck.
74515
WHOA! You should defintaly try to explain yourself again and make her understand. I would be furiuos if my girlfriend stayed at her Exs for a week. Thats totally uncalled for and you have every right to be pissed. I mean theyre Exs for a reason right? Yea man thats definatly not cool, and if she insists on keeping contact with the Ex then maybe theres still some latent feelings towards him. If she doesnt get it, then tell her that her still talking with him is directly effecting your relationship and could possibly be the downfall of it as well. Godd luck with that man.
93404
My opinion would be: start to once again see your ex. But on a "haven't seen you in years so what's up" type of seeing him. Get to know him once again. Maybe even do some volunteering that you can do with bringing you child (if their old enough, have them help out too). Invite your ex to come & volunteer too. While volunteering you can see what he's like around people he doesn't know and in an environment he's not used to. Plus you can see how he acts around your kid & if your kid likes him (most important). \n\nAfter everything has had time to "settle" and you know if you could have another relationship (after going over everything that you have noticed and if your kid likes him), then you can contemplate whether or not if you'd want to be with him. If it's mutual with you both, then that's when I would bring up the point with your current husband. Talk to him about you & him only (don't bring up your ex AT ALL). From his answers and reactions to what you're telling him (with you saying he's becoming to controlling), then you can decide if you should get a divorce. If that does occur, then you will have your ex that you can go back to. He will be there for both you and your kid. Plus if a divorce does occur, and everything works out, then you can get married. \n\nWouldn't know, but maybe when you talk to your husband have some friends &/or family with you too. For many reasons such as support, their side of the story, and if anything happens...hopefully not (DON'T have your kid there. have them with say your mom, out for the day)\n\nIf your husband does find out about you seeing your ex, he can’t accuse you of cheating, if you spend time volunteering with your kid, or participate in events that you work with other people, but also work with your ex too. So you truly won’t be cheating\n\nHope whatever happens, everything works out!!
263815
Well in my mind. If this 'friend' knew you were still in love with your ex husband, she should never have even gone on a date with him. I feel you need to tell her how you feel about it, it things are not so serious between them she'll finish. If things are serious and they are in love, then I think you'd be best to cut all ties and move on.(which will be impossible if you have children with your ex) Just remember that true love means wanting the best for the one you love and wanting them to be happy. Sometimes you need to let them go. Try to get out more with other friends and get ome hobbies. This will help keep your mind off what they are getting up to, and before you know it. You'll not hurt so much. Time really does heal with this kind of thing. I'll be thinking of you!\n\nD*
472986
Hi Pink, \n\nI think I missed your origional question, but will answer it anyway and come at different angles when I don't know the full story -hope this is useful?\n\nAnyway, what is important is that your ex-partner wants to have contact with his son and that his child wants to see his dad.  If he didn't want to see his son, then there is little you can do to make him and this would be very sad indeed but your own love itself would be enough to provide your son with as much love and happiness that he deserves.  \n\nI am assumming that he does see his dad and spends a lot of time with him, then this is wonderful even though you and your ex will never be anything more than just on good terms for the sake of your son.  Why should you want to cut your ex out of your life when he is the father of your child? - you will just remain in contact purely for the sake of your child and this is good enough for this reason alone.  \n\nNo one says that you should have to be together or love each other just because you did once a long time ago.  People's lives change and so do their expectations and feelings and so if you have moved on, then so should he, but to remain in close contact with his son if he cares anything for him.  His love for his son should be unconditional anyway and shouldn't depend upon whether he loves him because of how you feel about your ex.  If this is the case, then he loves his son for the wrong reasons and truly doesn't care about him because he is wanting you to love him before he can love his son - lots of men will see their children even if their marriage has broken down and because they love their children unconditionally.\n\nIf he doesn't want to see his child because you no longer love him, then the better off your son will be without his father who doesn't love him anyway.  This is a very sad situation, but if your boy is just three, then he will cope a lot better without a father if he is not going to committ to seeing his son on a regular basis and because he loves him regardless of where you stand with your ex.  A child can have just as much love from his mother to compensate and others in the family too, so he won't miss what he isn't getting from his father.\n\nYou can not be held responsible for what your ex decides to do or not do - he is adult enough to bring a child into this world and adult enough to want to be a part of his life whether he is with you or not.  It will be his loss if he does not want to be a part of his own son's life and he cannot force you to love him when you no longer feel that way about him, he has to accept that this is the way it is and you are not going to love anyone who will love their own child on the condition that you are going to love your ex!\n\nYou can still be fond of your ex because he and you shared a life togther once and of course, people don't forget that but just means that the love isn't a romantic one like it used to be but more friends. \n\nor:\n\nIf you are with someone new and he doesn't accept that your ex is a part of your life, then sounds like he hasn't got the child's best interests at heart and is jealous of the fact that your son has another father - in this case, he will be an insecure type of man you are with and doesn't trust in you enough to know that you no longer love your ex and wants to sabotage your son's relationship with his father.  This would be an unhealthy relationship to be in and so I would not allow his jealousy to dictate what is in the best interests of your child and your ex has every right to see his son.\n\nThe same goes for other family - their priority is for the child's welfare and not their own interests. \n\nYou do what is right for you and your child.
535493
this is a tough one.  its hard to find your balance after a divorce.  do you think he wants you back or is he trying to maintain some kind of friendship?  i think you should just tell him.  if he severs contact with the kids then maybe thats not such a bad thing for them.  why should they have to deal with a sometimes dad who doesnt put them first?  if he is that immature then maybe they are better off.  it is hard to make decisions that may do harm on your kids especially when they are too young to truly understand.  my ex does the same thing.  i just limit the contact as much as possible.  also when he calls, you could just put one of the kids on the phone.  eventually he would get the point.  good luck.
247948
Just tell the new guy the truth.  That your sorry, but you and your ex expectantly got back together and that you hope he understands.  If he is a really nice guy he will wish you the best and everything will be cool.  These things happen sometimes.
185138
Alright, my best advise would be to find someone else.  Not necessarily a bf but a guy friend that you can relate with and would care about if something happens just to get your mind off your ex.  You need to get over it if he has a kid cause he will never come back as much as you would like and im sorry for that but you need to put your mind other places besides on him.
521472
So let me get one thing straight does your ex think youre gonna be with the guy till the end with him or is it the new guy I think you mean the new guy  just tell him straight forward how u feel\ndont beat around the bush! be sraightforward with your feelings!
237452
Not sure if im late here but here it goes.\n\nIt's ok to be confused because youre in the learning stages there are many things to experience like what the guy above me said.\n\nI've had 3 long term relationships at your age, and now 10 years later, when I see my ex's we laugh about all those crazy fights we had.\n\nJust take a deep breath and look out into the horizon, 10 years from now you'll just realize how funny this all was.\n\nOh course you love him, I loved all my ex's too and I;ve talked about marriage to all of them funny thing is, time makes breaking up less cloudy.\n\nAnd yes you are hanging onto him because of the memories and all the experiences you shared. But remember people don't grow when things are stagnant.\n\nYou're here for a reason, and its either to get validation for breaking up with him. Or understanding why you feel the way you do, so why do you feel the way you do??? \n\nI guess I missed your last post, but Im gonna assume its because youre not happy. Listen to the guy above me and go out there and live life!!!
140412
i dont think it would hurt anything if you were to go see him, but be careful he may think that you are trying to rub your success in his face and get really upset with you.  But if it were me and if it werent for my kids, i would have nothing at all to do with my ex.  Do what you feel is right for you
147296
Unfortunately I am going through a very similiar situation with my ex-wife.  We seperated a few years ago and she started by pulling a few shaningans like that off.  All I can suggest purely as one dad to another is to maintain the best contact that you can and when you do contact your children let them know you love them and always want to see them. \n\nMake it clear that if they were expecting you, that their mother must have made a mistake because you had not planned on being there that day, not because you do not love them but because you have work or necessary things to do.\n\nLegally stopping someone from slandering you with your children I dont believe is possible.  It is truly more of a question of guilt tripping your ex and explaining to her though her intentions are against you, they are more then likely more likely to harm the children.  Children with seperated parents that do not get along are more then likely to be involved in crime, or have poor grades in school as well as a plethora of other things.\n\nMost of all, I feel for you completely.  Maybe if it is possible file for custody?  If you can somehow accuse your ex while on the phone and record some admittance of slander the courts will surely find in your favor?\n\nFinal thought.  Do what is best for your kids forget about getting back at your ex or doing what she wants you to do (which is probably run away and never see the kids again).  Your kids need you in many ways, and writing to them constantly and contacting them VIA phone and visiting as often as possible are the best things.  Be so much a part of their lives she cannot lie to them.
115647
You will always love the father of your children in some way. It doesn't mean your in love with him or that you don't love your husband now. And your ex doesn't own you because of money he owes it to you. Actually he owes it to your children. Don't let him make you feel bad for that he needs to take responsability. And you just need to accept your feeling for him and the fact that it's over. My ex boyfriend treated me simularly and we're best friends now. We have a mutal love and respect for each other. But we aren't in love. And once I relized that loving someone and being in love with them was different I moved on. So should you.