I just got this job, but I'm not the most outgoing person there. I want very much to get to know some of my co-workers, but some have been there for more than a year and they've pretty much established camaraderie with each other. Sometimes I feel left out. What do I do? I don't want to try to hard and make an a$$ of myself, but I don't want to be that silent stuck up guy either. Help!
210192
I started my job in November and was in exactly the same situation as you.  I was sort of laid back and quiet and everyone there knew each other and had like you said established camaraderie, it took about two weeks before people generally remembered my name and even would include me in conversation.  But before I knew it I was the one people centered around and was invited to go out with the "guys" afterwards only because I didn't try to throw myself on them, I let them warm up to me.  If you're not the most outgoing person then work that casual, cool and confident angle with people.  Do NOT bring doughnuts in or be cheezy about the ordeal then you're just crying for social interaction.  In a nutshell I hate to use the "cliche" be yourself...but there is much truth to that...Be yourself but do it with confidence.
131954
its impossible. its the same thing at my job. i have been there for seven years, every DAY is new gossip. unfortunately thats just how people are. you can choose not to associate with them, but they will still talk about you--even if they are your 'friends'....\n\ntry not to talk about anyone, just ignore people when they bring up gossip around you or change the situation... tell whoever is gossiping--'look, i really dont like talking about other people' and change the subject. they will respect you for it, obviously you are more mature then them.\n\n\ngood luck .
632513
Do you like your job, or just the people you work with? If you like your job because you are good at what you do there, then stay. If you only enjoyed your job because of the people that worked around you then maybe you should find another job as well.....Your the only one that can answer this question,you know if you like being there or not.
199442
smile and just say hello at first. If the one you want to talk to works with you, find something about work you can ask her opinion about or that you might need help with.
596745
Relax - you are fine the way you are.  Most people are extroverted but is perfectly normal to be introverted (which I also am)  Introverts have great personalities (which I don't doubt you also have) but we often come across as aloof and shy to people who don't know us well or that we just don't "click" with.  This is fine and it's not a big deal.  \n Bravo to you for being a waitress - a job where you are constantly dealing with strangers - I'm sure you must have pretty good social skills to be doing that.  \n There is a difference between being shy and simply having a quieter, more introspective nature.
606429
Who are these people that don't want you to be yourself?  If they are people you call friends, I would find myself new friends.  If they are colleagues, so what, they are just the people you work with.  If it is your family, you need to sit down and talk to them about how you view yourself and how it makes you feel when they try to change you.  \n\nBe yourself, always!!  Love thyself, and most everyone will follow.
603109
Are these 'friends' who work with you?  If so, in my experience no matter how close you are and care about each other, you will always first and foremost be work colleagues.  So its natural for them to not want to share information with you, they see you as a threat.  But then its also natural for you to no longer consider them friends.  They're just workmates, I'm sure there are other people in your life who deserve to be called your real friends, so don't let it bother you too much.
572620
I know this is a long response, but I think it will be well worth investing your time and going through these links I have created for you:\n\nSounds to me like there could be a few things going on here.\nYou may be TOO helpful to your peers. If you are helping them succeed, too much, you could be helping them pass right by you. Save the best stuff for yourself and use that as an ace up your sleeve for problem solving and handling situations that arise in your department.\n\nOk, there are several tricks to know and things to learn about people and office politics that you have to have in your career arsenal to get ahead. Why? Because everyone else is trying to get ahead just the same way you are.\n\nSuccesful business people use these tools in there everyday life.\n\nHow to Win Friends & Influence People: \nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People\n\nHow to make people like you in 90 seconds or less:\nhttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076111940X/002-2504591-7619261?v=glance&n=283155\n\nhttp://bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/article.html?article_id=27109\n\nhttp://www.teachfirst.org.uk/events/learning_to_lead/how_to_make_friends\n\nSurviving Office Politics / Getting ahead in the office:\n\nhttp://wlb.monster.com/articles/officepolitics/\n\nhttp://www.managementhelp.org/intrpsnl/off_pltc.htm\n\nhttp://www.jobcircle.com/career/coach/jf_2003_04.html\n\nhttp://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976737487\n\nhttp://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/life_tips/the_politics_of_the_office.asp\n\nhttp://careerplanning.about.com/od/workplacesurvival/a/politics.htm\n\nhttp://www.careerknowhow.com/advancement/office-politics.htm\n\nhttp://www.womensmedia.com/new/Reardon-office-politics.shtml\n\nSome people are blessed with the ability to quickly make friends and terrific impressions, and move up the company ladder quickly. For the rest of us, this information will help point you in the direction to achieve the success and happiness you desire.\n\nBest wishes,\n\nBlewz4u
155934
you cant 'make' people like you. they either do or they dont.i have a friend "Al", nobody seems to like the guy and when he kisses the bosses arse it makes things worse for him cuz he losses the respect of fellow workers. me? I tend not to give a hoot what the boss thinks of me (or what my co-workers think of me for that matter).\ni just do my job and do it well and guess what? the boss and my co-workers tend to like me alot. go figure...
30124
Exerpt from an about.com HR article:\n\n"These are ten productive ways to deal with your difficult coworker. Let's start with the first five.\n\n    * Start out by examining yourself. Are you sure that the other person is really the problem and that you're not overreacting? Have you always experienced difficulty with the same type of person or actions? Does a pattern exist for you in your interaction with coworkers? Do you recognize that you have hot buttons that are easily pushed? (We all do, you know.) Always start with self-examination to determine that the object of your attention really is a difficult person’s actions.\n\n\n    * Explore what you are experiencing with a trusted friend or colleague. Brainstorm ways to address the situation. When you are the object of an attack, or your boss appears to support the dysfunctional actions of a coworker, it is often difficult to objectively assess your options. # Anger, pain, humiliation, fear and concern about making the situation worse are legitimate emotions.\n\nPay attention to the unspoken agreement you create when you solicit another’s assistance. You are committing to act unless you agree actions will only hurt the situation. Otherwise, you risk becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your colleague.\n\n\n# Approach the person with whom you are having the problem for a private discussion. Talk to them about what you are experiencing in “I” messages. (Using “I” messages is a communication approach that focuses on your experience of the situation rather than on attacking or accusing the other person.) You can also explain to your coworker the impact of their actions on you.\n\nBe pleasant and agreeable as you talk with the other person. They may not be aware of the impact of their words or actions on you. They may be learning about their impact on you for the first time. Or, they may have to consider and confront a pattern in their own interaction with people. Worst case? They may know their impact on you and deny it or try to explain it away. Unfortunately, some difficult people just don’t care. During the discussion, attempt to reach agreement about positive and supportive actions going forward.\n\n\n# Follow up after the initial discussion. Has the behavior changed? Gotten better? Or worse? Determine whether a follow-up discussion is needed. Determine whether a follow-up discussion will have any impact. Decide if you want to continue to confront the difficult person by yourself. Become a peacemaker. (Decide how badly you want to make peace with the other person and how much you want your current job. Determine whether you have experienced a pattern of support from your boss.) If you answer, “yes,” to these questions, hold another discussion. If not, escalate and move to the next idea.\n\n\n# You can confront your difficult coworker’s behavior publicly. Deal with the person with gentle humor or slight sarcasm. Or, make an exaggerated physical gesture – no, not that one – such as a salute or place your hand over your heart to indicate a serious wounding.\n\nYou can also tell the difficult person that you’d like them to consider important history in their decision making or similar words expressed positively, depending on the subject. Direct confrontation does work well for some people in some situations. I don’t think it works to ask the person to stop doing what they’re doing, publicly, but you can employ more positive confrontational tactics. Their success for you will depend on your ability to pull them off. Each of us is not spur-of-the-moment funny, but if you are, you can use the humor well with difficult coworkers.\n\n# If you have done what you can do and employed the first five recommended approaches with little or no success, it’s time to involve others. Note that you are escalating the situation. Prepare to talk with your boss. Take notes and address the issues, not as interpersonal problems, but as issues aff
26932
The best way to make the work place a better one is to be nice to your coworkers.  You do not have to be their best friend, but you have to be there and get the job done.  You may find the a work day will go a lot quicker if you are a plesant and decent person.\n\nAre you doing something inapropriate that would make a fellow worker report it to a supervisor?  There should be no fear in anything you do at work if it is what you should be doing.  Do a good job and you may just get commended for doing that job well.  If you do well, the company does well, and if that is so, pay raises are also possible for a job well done.
90714
Try to strike up conversation at work with people, even if you don't think you have anything in common with them.  You never know what anyone is really like, and people who don't know you will take shyness as being aloof.  Be sure to make plenty of phone calls and write letters to those who you do know, no matter how far.  Explore and enjoy your new surroundings, and sooner than you think, they won't be so foreign and looming.
229589
When a co-worker is not your cup of tea, just remember you're not there to socialize.  You're there to do a job.  Be polite and discuss whatever needs to be discussed civilly but keep your eyes open for a better position.  Never alienate anyone at work because you never know when you might need them.
556723
Don't worry about your co-workers. Concentrate on doing that which will make you stand out. Be smart and promote yourself.  I am by no means suggesting sucking up. Do the Right thing.
336606
I have found that it is usually best not to mix work life with personal life.  Sure, sometimes people get lucky and become friends through their jobs, and nothing bad happens.  But often the person you become "friends" with will try to take advantage of the situation, or worse, one day may get promoted and become your boss, creating an awkward situation.  Co-workers especially in an office) tend to be back-stabbers who will stop at nothing to get ahead.  They just might "accidentally" tell the boss about a mistake you made and corrected.  Or put you in a position you do not feel comfortable being in (lying to cover for them).  Or steal the promotion/raise that you were supposed to get.
537015
I keep my personal life separate from work.  I do not think the two should mix.  I get along with my coworkers.  I am polite and friendly, but I never forget the line.  I have seen too many people routine their careers and professional reputations by forgetting that.
349728
I am sorry you have such problems at work...I know it can be very depressing. I want you to know  whats happening to you happens at basically EVERY job. I think it's human nature for some to dump on the new person. As for the talking crap stuff that happens everywhere too ! \nThe only thing I can suggest is for you to not become like them. when new people start be kind and helpful to them. Before long you will have at least a couple of coworkers that respect and get along with you.\nFrom what you said about your area and that job market... you should try to keep this job. Try concentrating on helping your patients and doing the best you can at patient care.\nPerhaps you could look into taking some state civil service exams  or government exams , postal exams.\nGood luck