Late one evening, a man and a his wife were driving their car at speed down a deserted road. The next thing they knew, the car spun off the road and hit a tree. The man decided to seek help by walking to a garage a few miles away. Before leaving his wife, he made sure nobody was in the car, rolled all the windows up, and locked all of the doors. He returned from the garage to find his wife dead, and someone in the car he had never seen before. No physical damage was done to the car and it was still locked.\n\nHow did his wife die? \n\nWhere did the stranger come from?\n\nThe first person to answer correctly gets the 10 points for best answer! Good luck!
202446
She went into labor and died during childbirth.\n\nEDIT: Oh yeah... the stranger came from her uterus.
459930
I dont. My thing is this...people say "oh he should have been killed in that accident, but god was there to save him and all he got was a broke back and two broke legs" IF there is a god, why didnt he stop the accident in whole? It drives me nuts when people use that as an excuse
335027
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man \nopposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. \nThis time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man \nseemed more amused. \nWhen on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to \nthe driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The \njudge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. \nThe man replied, Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got \non the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat under a \nsweets sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are Coming” and I grinned. \nThen she moved and sat under a sign that said, “ Logan’s Liniment will \nreduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under \na deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I \ncould hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honour, when she moved the fourth \ntime and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have \nprevented this Accident”...I just lost it. \n\n \n\n“ CASE DISMISSED!!”
31664
well to start off syid(i dont know how to spell)found a guy in the woods and started torturing him for answers to how he got there.  He said he and his wife were ballooning around the area and fell onto the island his wife got sick and died.  Also Locke changed the safe code and he was almost to late to punch in the numbers in the computer and a whole bunch of weird symbols in black and red showed where the numbers should have been,and thats all i can remember, i was asking-answering questions too!
251434
I watched an "elderly" man drive his car into Ponderosa today.  He mistook the accelerator for the brake and matted it into the building.  He totaled his car and the front of the restaurant. Do you think he will except this as a message from god and give up his drivers license? Or will he wait until there's a person between him and the building he creams?
545975
The bride walked down the aisle of the church toward her awaiting groom.\nPlease cancel my last order.\nThe student asked the math teacher for tutoring, as she could not figure it out.\nMany fossils are thousands of years old.\nThe large, barking dog really freaked me out.\nElton John is a gay man.\nI got this straight from the source.\nThe seeds were interspersed with the fertilizer.\nHer drink order was Patron silver tequila straight up and neat.\nWhen I win the lottery and become independently wealthy, I will quit my job.\nThey traveled to a secluded little cabin for their honeymoon.\nThe tire tracks of the truck were a very big clue in the murder case.\nPlease do not type all in caps, as it is presumed that you intend to yell.
629840
And, what did he say AFTER she kicked him in the balls and knocked him on the floor and blinded him by grinding her spike heel into his eyes...?\n\n\n(Alternative answer: Thanks for the warning, I'll make sure I don't buy a BMW! On second thought, a car that generates gas, instead of having to be filled up...? Maybe I'll buy one after all!)
611824
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.\n\nHe gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
312566
Wow hahahaha..... like the one:\n\nthere were two women in line to get into heaven. The first one asked the secound one, 'how did you die?' She answered, 'I froze to death.' 'Oh, that must have been horrible!' the first one exclaimed. 'Oh, it wasn't sooo bad,' she assured her,'I just was cold, and got sleepy and then I woke up here. How did you die.' The First lady replied,'I was sure my husband was cheating on me, so I came home early. He was just watching TV in the den. I was sure the other woman was there so I searched everywhere in the house. Under the bed, the closet, drier, everywhere! Finally I was just to exahsted and had a massive heart attack' 'How sad,' the secound woman replied,'If you had just checked the freezer, we'd both still be alive!'\n\nJust liked that joke
523657
I agree with the previous post-I thought I could pull this one right out and I can't find a thing - though still looking.\n\nI am still looking on this....damn it must be some high government secrect...\n\nI have found out that while he was dying - he suffered greatly.\n\nok keep looking , i am getting booted out of the pc room but I wish you luck...if you ever do find out please email me and let me know at MY USER NAME at yahoo.com\n\nthanks,\n\nI really dont' know what it says - it just know that Leiden means sorrow or anguish, I know what his grave site said, how many kids he had, who studied under him, but not that he tripped on descartes shoes while being chased with a chain saw !!!!!!!\n\nI am beginning the t hink the man is still alive!  \n\nLOL
334678
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. \nOne day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. \n"Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. \n"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." \nThe wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
337298
A Man walked up to his house and he heard his wife scream " John Don't do it!" and the man ran inside and saw his wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor. The man goes up to the Milkman and says "You did It!". How did the man know he did it?\nThe baker and the doctor were both women and John the milkman was the only guy
128808
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.\n\nAfter they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."\n\nFlattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!, This must be a sign from God!"\n\nThe woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Then she hands the bottle to the man.\n\nThe man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.\n\nThe woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.\n\nThe man asks, "Aren't you having any?"\n\nThe woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."\n\nMoral of the story:\nWomen are clever. Don't mess with them.
657276
My date and I wound up talking in the car late at night, parked in the lot after watching a movie.  While we're talking, he noticed an old lady having trouble starting up her junky car.  He went to help her.  \n\nThere was a jogger who saw the problem they were having and he and my date got on the rear of the lady's car and started pushing so that the lady can get a running start at the wheel.  They were pushing for about 50 yards when suddenly, the engine comes to life and vrooom!  The old lady drives away without even thanking them.  They're flabbergasted, surrounded by a cloud of exhaust gas.  What made it hilarious was that the jogger dude wound up spraining his ankle while he was pushing the car.  We had to drive this total stranger to his house because he couldn't walk.\n\nThat wasn't really cool but it made the date a memorable one.  Also, it gave me an idea that my date was a very kind and helpful fellow.
56899
What's the flashing headlights one?!?!  I do that to motorists when they don't have their lights on.  Does that mean I'm a freak?!?!  Anyways.. I had fun researching this topic!\n\nURBAN LEGENDS THAT ARE NOT TRUE...\n*Woman calls police because a fast food outlet won't make a cheeseburger the way she wants it.\n*Chewing gum takes seven years to pass through the human digestive system. \n*Hair grows back darker or thicker after it has been shaved. \n*A minister in Disney's The Little Mermaid sports an erection during a wedding.\n*The size of a man's nose, hands, or feet is a reliable indicator of the size of his penis. \n*A Romanian couple named their son 'Yahoo' as a sign of gratitude for their having met over the Internet.\n*A Tootsie Pop wrapper with a picture of an Indian shooting an arrow at a star on it can be redeemed with Tootsie Roll Industries for a free bag of candy.\n*Rice thrown at weddings is dangerous to birds.\n*Possums hang by their tails in trees.\n*The daddy longlegs spider is the "world's most poisonous animal."\n*Human handling of baby birds will cause their mothers to reject them. \n*Multiplying your dog's age by seven will produce its equivalent in human years.\n*A frog placed in water that is brought to a boil through gradual temperature increase will make no attempt to escape.\n*During the December 2004 tsunami, elephants who had broken free from their handlers rescued 42 people.\n*Dr Pepper soda is made with prune juice. \n*Brain-damaged LSD user believes himself to be glass of orange juice. \n*Someone who has taken LSD more than seven times is declared legally insane.\n*Woman dies after visiting too many tanning parlors in one day. \n*Cher had a pair of ribs surgically removed to achieve an ultra-small waist.\n*Young boy dies from eating Pop Rocks candy with soda pop. \n\nURBAN LEGENDS THAT ARE TRUE...\n\n*The design of the California state flag was the result of a mistake. \n*When the Titanic hit an iceberg in the north Atlantic, the silent version of the film The Poseidon Adventure was being screened aboard ship. \n*The Chinese are raising St. Bernard dogs for food.\n*Two men each lose an arm in a grisly tug-of-war contest.
606090
A double Decker bus makes a sharp turn and one lady from the top level falls out and hits her head. A crowd gathers. \n\nA doctor and a lawyer had been walking down the road at the time. When the lady fell, they made their way to her. When they got there, the doctor turned the lady over and said "Oh my God! It's my wife." Then the lawyer shoots the doctor. Why did the lawyer shoot the doctor? \n\nHere's my guess:  The doctor was cheating on his wife with the lawyer (which the lawyer just realizes). Or the lawyer was the doctor's wife's sister or mother.
111743
Private Investigator, Nat Marley, ran across his old friend, Annie, who had become homeless.  When Annie fainted from a heart condition, Marley applied first aid until the ambulance arrived to transport her to the hospital.  \nThe woman decided it was necessary to make out her willand asked Marley to find her son, Jackie.  \nBecause of his kindness to Annie, Nat was approached by a rich widow named Joanna Whittaker.  Mrs. Whittaker told Nat he resembled her late husband and she wanted to give him all her properties.  Mrs. Whittakers maid, Martha, overheard this offer.  She had been convinced all the properties would become hers when Mrs. Whittaker died and now realized that was not to be. In her rage, she killed Mrs. Whittaker, stole what money she could get her hands on and fled to Las Vegas where she lost it all gambling.\n[very rough, but I think it gives you an idea of the proper voice and procedures]