My family is poisoning my life! My sisters new husband is horrible to his younger siblings who are 20 years younger than him and absuive, he killed the cat while his wife was away and I just can't take my family anymore, how do I get away from the peopl in my family that I hate, but stay close to the one's I love, but they are close to the people i hate, HELP! (for more info please ask)
205262
I hate to say this, as I am from a poisonous family, too, but the rot starts at the root. The first thing you have to do is get away from everyone and sort yourself out. That means cutting everyone off. Good and bad. It's like a drug addiction. A heroine addict can't get off the junk and live in the same neighborhood. \n\nFirst step is move away. Get a new home, apartment, tent, whatever. Get a new phone number and e-mail address. When these folks contact you, and they will, tell them very politely, that you need to straighten out your life for a while and that you will contact them when you are able to.\n\nStep two. When you have made a clean break, seek professional help. You cannot do this alone. You have been part of a disfunctional, abusive cycle probably your whole life. Time to end it. \n\nStep three. You'll know what to do when you get there and no one can tell you what it is or how to do it. It's a little different for all of us.\n\nI began at step two and went to step one and back to step two and bounced around like a ping-pong ball. Now I'm ready for step three. Good luck to you. I hope you are as successful in your journey and adventure as I have been in mine.
205325
parents back then were that type of persons with their families, and they just were raised themselves that way and is not your mother's fault, but her, mother, and then her mother of her mother...and so on....nonetheless, you can make the change with your family and with you followed generations to come.....in your case, I can see that you have these hateful feelings about your mom, and brothers....Remember that things happens for one reason, you don't know why it happened the way it happened, but thank God, you are ok, even though you feel these feelings.....Try to forget if you can, try to do well to others and always, talk to others, the way you were treated like that others wont do what your mom did to you, and let this experience be of good use to others and forget all bad feelings and live a healthy life you and your family, God bless you and if you could Get a bible study..Good luck.
370592
You need to just call him and tell him that you know that you've made mistakes, but you really miss your mom and you really want to be a part of your sister and brother's lives, if he'll give you that chance. Explain that they are your only connection to you mom and though you weren't there during her death you want to be able to remember her with the people you love. I know the way I said it isn't how it happened but he's going to be much more likely to believe you and let you spend time with your family if you go along with his side of the story. Just talk to him and ask if you could maybe take your siblings out to lunch and talk to them about their lives and your mom because you really need to reconnect with them. Just be humble with him and honest about your feelings. I know what it's like to be completely disconnected from your family and then to try to reconnect after a tragedy and it's hard. People tend to think that you're being fake and you'll leave right after the tragedy is averted. Make it clear to your step-dad that you are there to stay and you want to be a part of their lives.
331672
i hate my real father as well. and im 34. he didnt raise me and i tried to have a relationship with him and i hate everything about him. not because he wasnt there, but because hes a huge arrogant jerk who thinks hes superior. unfortunately, we cant pick our parents. oh, sorry about your mom. i dont know your age, but you wont have to be with him forever. try not to let him bring you down because it sounds like hes miserable and trying to bring you down with him. just do your thing and so whatever to him. i know being around certain people can drain you and zap your energy and ambition-but you have a future ahead of you, as for him, im sure hes middle-aged and hates some of the choices hes made. try to keep your head up.
436624
Be strong and do not show emotion if they try to make you back down.  You have to live with this man, so its your decision and you have to live with it.  I am sure that your family only wants you to be happy.
13423
I feel very sorry that your family is living this way.  I am putting some links here that should be able to give you a place to start.
121787
Well, I think you should quit. If you can't then TELL YOUR FAMILY! It's not like they will hate you for the rest of your life. Two choices: you tell them, or you quit. It's for your own good. You'll thank me for this.
543436
Oh I struggle with this constantly but for different reasons. My parents are addicts. There comes a time in life when you must concentarte on you. If those around you, particularily family have reached toxic levels where they are poisoning your own life, it's best to back off and distant yourself. I would not write them off entirely, I've thought about doing it myself, but it all comes back to they are family and we cannot choose our family and like them or not, through them we are here. I don't know how old you are, but if you are younger I would suggest possibly just distancing yourself and speaking up with the issues you disagree with and make certain they know that it hurts your feelings and do not entertain their ignorant remarks and actions by giving any other reaction other than telling them that at this point and time you do not agree with their opinions. If you are young, there could be possibly something else going on that they are actually concerned about that you aren't seeing just yet. However if it's purely based on race, I'd keep my feet planted in your beliefs and hopefully with time after you stay away from them for awhile they'll realize their love for you is stronger than their hate for another.  I wouldn't give your father any special treatment either, because he is encouraging everyone around him by not speaking up if he truly is aware of their issues and agrees with you. Sounds to me like your father may be ignorant as well, and only agrees with you in private for fear of losing his little girl. All you can do is stand strong in your beliefs, distance yourself from how involved with them you are, but I wouldn't write them out entirely. Now if they begin to do anything harmful that causes extreme physical or emotional grief then I would cut them off entirely. Hopefully with time though and your distance from each other they'll see that they were wrong and have second thoughts on their ideas and opinions, especially if the man you love becomes a true gem and treats you the way they always hoped a man you'd find would. Good luck though, racism is ugly and deeply rooted in those who are and often continues on in people out of their own fears. Just be thankful that somehow by the grace of God their ignorance didn't rub off on you as you were growing up, as if often sadly the case with those raised by parents with beliefs such as that. Enjoy the love you have found and ignore what they say. Find comfort with the one you love and through his family until and if yours ever comes around to their senses! God Bless you dear. Oh and pray for them because it sounds like they need it!!
500668
Just say no and apologize.  If they are friends they will understand, but you also must be a friend to them.  You may need to cut a few ties and keep just a few close ones and the others can be aquaintences.  Or you can have on big party a few times a year to make up for it.  I have too much family, seriously.  I can't possibly see them all as much as I''d love to.  But I can't dump them either.  My kids and husband come first.  It's very difficult but it's the only way it will work.  Have a great day.  Wow, I think this is the 3rd question I answered of yours.  Honestly I"m not stalking you.  You are just where-ever I am.  Wierd...
600576
Sounds like your mom was the glue holding the family together.  It's understandable that people would fall away from each other after her passing.  It's hard to go about our daily lives knowing that we should be a familly with ALL the family, people should want to spend time with each other and talk about their lives.  At least your not alone.  My husband and his brother recently got into a huge fight with the two of them wrestling around on the floor and somebody getting hurt.  That was a few months ago, and neither of them has even tried to apologize or be the bigger man and just forgive.  It is very frustrating especially when family functions or birthday parties come along and certain people have to be left out.  It is just not fair sometimes.  Just remember you can't change other people but you can decide that no matter what your siblings do or don't do you can control yourself and your actions, and live your life, they'll either come around or they won't, if they do great, if not, forgive them, and move on.
306953
Awww...that is so sad. It reminds of my relationship with my sister. She is also older than me. It's about a year and a half older...Seriously, we do and don't get along. It's not like one of those sibling love and hate conflicts, where we would just fight occasionaly. It's similar to yours, too, but it's not like we hate each other guts. Though we bicker and argue pretty much every day, even on the small and petty things. And when we're like really angry (which can happen like every now...ish^^)...we like literally fight and call each other names. Like when we were younger, like around the age of six-seven ish, there was this time when she pushed me off the stairs (O.o)...and another time where she poked me near the eye with a pen. Now I have a small bump on my forehead and a dot near my eye...She is a violent one, like a bull she is....Anyway, now I'm getting off subject, even after all we do, from arguements and fights, I still actually do love her. Once in a while, we have these heart-to-heart talks, but we do and really don't know each other at all. We just get out of each other's way...most of the times at least^^...Ok, enough with my story. Hmm, well you could act out a suicide attempt- like if she hates you so much and wishes you were dead, just be like, "FINE", you want me dead. Then stomp off to the kitchen, pull out a knife, make sure she follows you and sees you. She should have a heart, and be like, what the hell are you doing or something. Then like just tell her, whilst crying, about all your problems with her and you don't understand why she is being like that....Though death is not a funny matter, so you shouldn't really do that. You can always tell your parents about the situation, though your sister might hate you even more. All in all, you can just ignore her in school and home. And if she provokes you first (MAYBE that's what she wants and is plotting) then just be like yea, I know, whatever....Try doing a guilt trip on her....Gah, so yea, this post might not have helped you at all, but hope it did. ^^ Good luck with your sis.
261312
I was kinda in the same situation your half sister is in.I was seeing and moved in with a man everybody was warning me about.The more they said to me about him , the more I tried to make it work.It didn't take long for me to find out they were right and I left him one day while he was at work.I packed everything I could get int my car and left.If this man you are talking about is really a bad person, your half sister will see it. Just back off and let things happen.Nobody wants to hear "I told you so" That might be what's pushing her into the relationship.If things get out of hand with the kids and you KNOW he is hurting them in any way, maybe you should turn him in and let the law handle it.If he can't see his own 2 kids there is definitely something wrong there. Good luck!!
442354
It can be very tough to have a family that hasn't been able to give you the love you need. It doesn't mean that they don't love you, it just means that they love you the only way they know how. Perhaps they had a life that was lacking also. The fact that you are aware of these thoughts and feelings shows that you are prepared to do something about it. Some of the closest members of my family are of no blood relation at all. I call them the Family that I chose for myself. Choose the people in your life that are closest to you and consider them family. Take a pro-active approach and fill that void yourself. You're only as happy as you allow yourself to be. Many blessings to you.
419925
Why can't you still be close to your parents without dealing with your sister.  If your sister is at your parents' house, then just don't go over there.  If she comes over while you are there, then pack up your kids and leave.  If her oldest child is mean to your youngest child, grab her oldest child and tell her to stop.  You're sister and her kids will only do what you let them get away with.  You can't change how your sister behaves or how she raises her children, but you don't need to let her stress you out either.  And nobody is forcing you to spend time around her.  If you want to spend time with your parents, do it when your sister isn't there.
182873
You seriously need to make some serious changes. You have to create boundaries. It sounds like the requests you have made are falling on deaf hears. It seems to me you are trying to make everyone happy except yourself. Tell them if you are going to live in my house these are the rules if they don't like them they can leave. When your mom came back you could of asked her why are you here? When she said why do i have to tell them to pay the electric bill, it was because she is the one who invited them to stay. The things you are going to have to do will be uncomfortable. Your family will not like the new assertive you. Your mom is dependent on you and you are her co dependent. When she threatened you by saying she was going to leave and you said fine go ahead she was testing you. She did leave but she came back and you let her stay. So now what you say and what she says and your actions don't match. It's like when a parent tells his child no but then lets them have what they want. You have to back up what you say with actions and stick to them. You have fallen into the role of parent. You are not the parent you are the child but now your mom is acting like the child and now you are her parent. I think she should help you more. Do you want your brothers there? You did nothing wrong what i think you possibly feel is guilt because it is your mother and you feel obligated but your not obligated. No one should be taken advantage of.
286247
Katie, you are a victim of too much information. You know things about your parents that you really don't need to know. You are not responsible for their problems or for the decisions they have made for their own lives. Seeing the flaws in your family, coming to terms with the deceptions, is a tough thing to deal with.\n\nI'm not sure how old you are, but I'm guessing you are still a minor, living with your parents. You need to sit down with both your parents and talk about all that you know. You need to suggest that you all go to family counseling so that someone neutral can help you figure out where you go from here.\n\nI repeat, you are not responsible for your parents' problems. Your father was wrong to tell you all the things he told you, but since the cat is out of the bag, your mother needs to know what you know and you need to decide as a family what to do about all this. If your dad is suicidal, he needs to get help. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have parents you can't fully depend on, so you need to learn how to take care of yourself. Look outside your immediate family for a trusted adult (a school counselor, a pastor) who can help you negotiate through this minefield and help you find the help you need.
246779
You have to get away from them as soon as possible.  Your physical well being is at risk.  Your heart palpitations is a sign of high blood pressure developing, it can cause a stroke or heart attack.  \n\nYour family will never stop being mean to you. They think you are worldly because of your education and that you may marry outside your religion, class or race. They are a hateful bunch and they enjoy hurting each other.  You are different.  Sometimes we have to leave our family because it is better for us.\n\nGet your own home in another town, when you are settled go back get your pet bones.  You can keep it in plastics and a box until you can bury it again. If you cannot get the bones, get another pet.  Leave that house and be happy.  You will not regret it.\n\nGood luck.  I'll pray for you.