the more i love him the more hurt i get i gave him my life all the people i loved left me gave him my soul and my life was destroyed what else can i do to make my father happy with me i dont think he can see the pain that i feal or even cares what a lost 23year old is going threw i feal so lost and alone so what is the point ask you my peers
202508
I have wanted babies since I was a kid.  I have had three miscarriages, and have no living children.\n\nMy second loss was in the second trimester, when everyone said I should've been fine.  I struggled with God a lot during that time.\n\nI didn't know why I lost my babies, but I did know that God could have prevented it, and I didn't know why He wouldn't.  I didn't want to live.  I wanted to be with my babies.  And I was angry at God.  I wondered the same thing, "Can He see me?  Does He care?"\n\nWhat I lost was a lifetime with my children, and that just seemed senseless.  But then I thought about eternity.  I don't get to be with my babies here, but I long to meet them and live in eternity with them.  I have that priviledge through Jesus.\n\nI know that God isn't in time.  Time has no bearing on Him.  But I wonder if the time that Jesus spent on the earth was the longest time God ever endured.\n\nGod was parted with His Son for 33 human years, so that I could be with my babies for eternity.\n\nDoes He care?  He cares enough that He suffered through that separation for me.\n\nWhat then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?  Romans 8:31-32\n\nWhen my father and my mother forsake me,\nThen the LORD will take care of me.  Psalm 27:10\n\n\nTherefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  I Peter 5:6-7\n\nAs a father pities his children,\nSo the LORD pities those who fear Him.\nFor He knows our frame;\nHe remembers that we are dust.  Psalm 103:13-14\n\nAre not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31\n\nYou number my wanderings;\nPut my tears into Your bottle;\nAre they not in Your book?  Psalm 56:8\n\n\nYou have moved my soul far from peace;\nI have forgotten prosperity.\nAnd I said, “My strength and my hope\nHave perished from the LORD.”\nRemember my affliction and roaming,\nThe wormwood and the gall.\nMy soul still remembers\nAnd sinks within me.\nThis I recall to my mind,\nTherefore I have hope.\nThrough the LORD’S mercies we are not consumed,\nBecause His compassions fail not.\nThey are new every morning;\nGreat is Your faithfulness.\n“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,\n“Therefore I hope in Him!”\nThe LORD is good to those who wait for Him,\nTo the soul who seeks Him.\nIt is good that one should hope and wait quietly\nFor the salvation of the LORD.\nIt is good for a man to bear\nThe yoke in his youth.\nLet him sit alone and keep silent,\nBecause God has laid it on him;\nLet him put his mouth in the dust—\nThere may yet be hope.\nLet him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,\nAnd be full of reproach.\nFor the Lord will not cast off forever.\nThough He causes grief,\nYet He will show compassion\nAccording to the multitude of His mercies.\nFor He does not afflict willingly,\nNor grieve the children of men.  Lamentations 3:17-33\n\nHe sees you.  He hears you.  He cares for you.  Just hold on.
595155
I wish that I could tell you a wonderful answer where everything will be great, BUT I know how you feel, I was an abused child and married when I had just turned 17.  Well he started reminding me of my Mother before long.  I had no family, no one but his family as my friends, I had no place to go, so I stayed, It became very clear that he didn't love me, but I was so afraid.  But after 19 years I packed up and left, scared out of my mind, but you know what even though it was hard, lonely, I learned so much about myself, most of all I learned that life is to short to spend it with someone that makes you so sad, and doesn't treat you like a lover, friend or partner but more like something that they bought and paid for like an old car, then it is time to build a life that can be happier than you could ever imagine.  Even small things can make you smile or just laugh out loud especially when you have always been controled or felt like you were going to get in trouble for.  Like I would leave the bed unmade, didn't have to cook, and on Sat. morning I would lay in bed until 2 if that is what I wanted to do.  And I will tell you when you can go and come when you please and you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you too may find that life can be happy and full of good, instead of a life filled  with mostly bad and a little good every now and then.  Please take it from a woman that has been there no one can do this for you but you.  And somethings are so worth the risk.  And remember this, I had a friend one time tell me how stong I was, when I said no I am weak, she said look at what you have already been through, anything else should be a breeze.
310047
I recently lost my father, too. He always wore a blue baseball cap, and I have the one that he was wearing up until the day he died. It still smells like him, and I keep it in a fireproof box. I imagine that if anyone were to look in that box and see an old hat, they would think I was nuts - "Of all the things of value she could have put in this box, there's a hat..." That's how much it means to me, though. All I have to do is hug that hat to my chest and close my eyes, and I'm hugging him again. Everything that he left to me - I don't care... it could all be taken away as long as I still have that hat. \n\nIt's strange what we end up finding valuable when someone we love dies. I have so many things that remind me of him. I have pictures, letters, songs, books, etc. I even have a book that was made for fathers and daughters - it has all these questions in it with space to write answers, half for the father to his daughter, and half for the daughter to her father. I treasure that almost as much as the hat. \n\nI suggest that you keep whatever you come across, and when you find the thing that means the most to you, you will know it. In the meantime, you can also make things. Get a locket with some of his hair or a picture of him. Make a scrapbook about you and him. Burn a CD of songs that remind you of him, and one for how you feel about his death. \n\nMy thoughts are with you...
342627
When my father was alive I criticized the way I was raised to him and it bothered him.When he was dieing he was feeling sorry for himself and made a comment about raising us badly.That really bothered me.I told him we were the fruits of his labor and if he liked the way we turned out he could be proud.
390697
I wish a simple answer would solve your problems, but you will feel the way you feel no matter what.\nTo answer your question though you need to look at your dad is he happy? You said you are going away to college He needs his own life to. 2. You should not be worried but be happy if they do. You get a brother or sister that will look up to you forever.and number 3 Your family is your dad and soon he will marry of course he wants you to be a big part of that. You need to step back and look at your dad don't judge his choice just be happy for him and do whatever you can to make his day special. He would do the same for you I am sure of it. You will always be his little girl.
47811
Listen, be there for him. I just lost my dad, and the best thing for me is to keep busy. Try to get him back into his routines. Too much time on your hands makes you think too much, although he does have to grieve in his own way.  It would be nice for him to have some of his friends visit or call. Just make sure he doesn't withdraw too much. You sound like a good friend. I hope this helps.
522751
I am sorry,  my grandmother has lost her will to live after my father died three years ago, I do not believe you will ever get over it, I think you may be able to one day accept your child died,  but you will always grieve and feel your loss, I am not sure the goal is too get over it, I was devastated when my father died and I know this cannot compare honestly if my children died, I would probably semi lose my mind at least temporarily. and I know I would become a humanitarian worker on the international scene for human rights watch or red cross, in the thick of things. and I would have a very nomadic lifestyle, however I still  feel the hole that was ripped open in my soul the day my father died, I do not believe it will ever go away, church made me feel worse. the funeral was horrible .I told the priest he was full of it ,and so was his religion ,which offered no comfort .and I informed him  that my father detested religion,I can relate to not wanting to hear the empty god comments. what surprisingly helped me , was a support group for grief victims ,people who had the same or similar experiences .I would have never  joined a group like this, but it was a service offered ,because I donated his organs.and amazingly just the pamphlets generated from the group touched me and helped ease my grief, I know it sounds like it will do no good, but It is truly worth a try, for you to get in touch with other parents who lost their children, I know I saw a persons 360 page on yahoo ,the mans child died and the support from the online community was amazing .I am not sure this will help you as much as a real group ,but not feeling alone in your anger is crucial to feeling better, it is most difficult to hold on to yourself or soul ,if you believe in that, when you are filled with misery ,it is so much harder to love yourself,life, or anything than it is to hate .and making that human connection with others that can truly understand you rather than dismissively wish you well or try to say something they think you want to hear, is the first step in regaining the feeling of control and a new perspective , I also encourage you to visit my 360 page and dont read it ,cause I am bad and while I try to remain positive, I do tend to gravitate to the darkside at times, but go to my friends list  find Skyes avatar click on it and visit skyes page, this beautiful woman is a well of positivity, and spiritual well being .and just reading her blogs make me feel better and I am sure they can touch your heart as well
34172
First of all, your life is not meaningless.  Even if your father has changed, try to talk with him.  Mend any old wounds because you only have one set of parents and one life.
636453
you need a hug.\n\nyou sound like your mom didn't love you enough, or did your daddy not love you engouh.\n\nThis cry for help is very brave.
128988
I'm sorry for your loss.\n\nMy father died unexpectedly when I was 27. \n\nI don't remember much of the first year without my dad, other than some pretty messed-up holidays.  This is a protection mechanism. The first year is the most dreadful, because of holidays, birthdays and the awkwardness of figuring out how to celebrate something supposedly happy with the air of absence and sorrow hanging over it.\n\nWhen people initially told me in a few years it would be better, I was furious with them. I didn't want it to get better and I didn't want believe it would--a part of me felt that I would be a bad daughter if I stopped grieving. As I started healing and felt less pain...TI worried if I was grieving too little. And I thought maybe I had grieved too much, as well! Very confusing. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.\n\nBut this wasn't the case. I was grieving just right for me. And after a few years, it was still sad but not heartwrenchingly so and it kept getting a little better with each passing month. I realized that I wasn't a bad daughter. I realized that I was healing and getting on with my life and that by going on, I was, in my own way, honoring my dad. My father has been deceased for seven years now, and there are still times when it's painful, but it's not crippling or scary any more. And I remember much more of our happy times, too.\n\nPeople grieve at different rates and I feel it is wrong to try to put a timeline on healing. Our society is very timeline-based, even if those timelines don't properly apply to messy, organic processes like recovering from the loss of a loved one.\n\nIf however, you find that your grieving is truly interfering with your family, work and social life after year, you probably need some help working through your sorrow. Books, videos, chaplains or ministers or therapists are all very helpful in situations such as yours.
85990
Dear Kat,\nWords are so inadequate. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I don't know why some people seem to get way more pain and anguish dealt to them in their lives. I don't think God is doing it to you, my belief is that sorrows are part of life on earth, just like death. No one lives forever, no one is happy all the time. You have been blessed with a wonderful marriage it sounds like, and I pray it goes on for many more years, but at least you know that you have known real love and been loved in return. That is a truly marvelous thing and pretty rare, I think.\nChildren are not supposed to predecease their parents and yet they often do. I wonder, was your daughter very close to you? Because she may be glad now that she is in heaven, helping to prepare a place for you.  I was devastated when my mother died, even though I knew that was the natural order of things, and couldn't even mention it without breaking down into tears for the first ten years afterwards. Forgive me for speculating here. I don't know you at all, of course.  But you sound like a loving, caring woman, whose family is blessed to have you. You are probably the rock everyone depends on, not realizing that you need a shoulder to cry on just like everyone. Well, come here anytime. I will look to see how your husband and uncle are doing. God bless you and keep you, I know He will never forget you in your time of need.
255954
I went through some very similar things.  Ultimately I had to realize that my father was not very emotionally mature, and that he had a lot of personal defects of character.  You are not to blame.  The first thing that you need to do is care for yourself.  Living as an adult in a troubled family of origin is an express train to depression.  If at all possible, get out: go back to campus, get a part time job.  Enjoy your life.  But also, try to get some assistance; most colleges have well-developed counseling services.  Trust me; anybody living in your environment would be depressed.  You are responsible for one person: yourself.  Take care of yourself and other things will fall into place.   You don't have to go through this alone.  Hundreds of thousands of people live through similar experiences; try to find a support group.  You could check free or inexpensive community services, you could even try out 12 step groups.  Whatever you do, don't sit in the emotional booby trap of your father's house and float in the pain.  Get your body somewhere healthy and your mind and emotions will follow.  May God bless and protect you during this difficult time.
263839
Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.\n\nMourn them do not.Miss them do not. \n\nHe is still feeling pain wait u must.\n\nLove he has worry in 3 months you should.
183797
He wasn't ready for what ever reason to commit to you. Don't beat yourself up over this, there are people that will come and go in our lives, some for the good and some for the bad... it just makes us stronger people. Obviously you invested more in this relationship than he did, and it's going to hurt for a while trying to get over it. Grieve for a while, if you want to cry and feel sorry for yourself, do it.... it's all part of the process of loss. Just always remember your self worth, and that we are not the lessor of our selves, we are the sum of ALL of our parts, and that is something phenomenal. There may be more men like him in your future... and then again you may meet your soulmate tomorrow.... just don't let life get you down...it's too short to waste the energy on negative people. God bless you, good luck, Peace.
556480
First of all,I understand how helpless u are feeling but face it as that's how life is.It always takes away from u ur loved ones.At this point of time, sympathy alone doesn't work.U can try the following,apart from sending him some gifts and e-mailing/chating with him, u can sned to him loads of  handwritten letters(i say so coz sometimes even the handwriting of ur loved one eases ur pain). In those letters write lots of good things which will make him feel a bit normal.Take care not to write things which make him feel more sad.If u wish to u can sit together with that girl who introduced him to u and get more ideas of what to write.Write things in such a manner that he will get atleast 80% engrossed in the matter u've written.Let him feel as if he is like u all, having a lot of time to live and enjoy.I know its hard to do it but not impossible.And please tell the person going to meet him the same ,i.e, make him enjoy these two months of his life as he has not done till now,hope u understand what i mean.Don't give him time to think how less a time he's got to live.That must be ur aim though u can't go to meet him.If u/that girl r close to his parents, then please tell them to pretend to be happy for his sake,as this is very important.Well, I hope I could be of some help to u. And don't worry he definitely knows how much u love him and according to me u r his ture friend too.I know ,these 2 months are going to be very tough for u but u have to face it.I never had a true friend but I sure can imagine how it is when u lose one.\n\nWishing u& ur friend suffering in UK all the courage u need.\n\nur friend priti.
549502
I am sorry to hear that there has been such sadness in their lives.  \n\nTeenagers have an adult understanding of death, but do not have adult skills to cope with it.  They may lash out at other family members and be very angry.   Be aware that it is not unusual for teenagers who have experienced such a loss to engage in reckless behavior such as drug or alcohol abuse, fighting at school, etc.\n\nIt may help them to do or make something special to remember their dad.  This could be preparing a collage of pictures of him and remembering good times, writing him a letter to say how they feel and to say good-bye, etc.\n\nThere are many books to help with loss and grieving.  Possibly check with the counselor at their school.  They probably have books for that purpose at the school.  Also check at your local bookstore and library.  They usually have a few books that would be quite useful.\n\nThese links should be of help to you.  They have a lot of good information about helping teenagers cope with loss.  They also have lists of books.  Take care.
168360
I'm sorry you lost your father in such a tragic way. You never get over it, you just learn how to deal with it. I would go to a bereavement therapist or I would join a bereavement group in your area. It sounds like you have a lot of pain and you really need to vent instead of holding it all inside. May God bless you and may you find comfort in this hard time. Don't feel because it was 16 years ago, that you shouldn't grieve.