Single Mom Seeking answers for her son>>>>>>
201290
yes, but only up to 20 minutes at a time with at least a minimum of 1 hour in between icing periods, if he has pain after icing for a prolonged time then it may be time to see an orthopedic.  Anything strenuous on joints should be taken care of and icing is part of injury prevention, ask any certified trainer or orthopedic and they can tell you icing after throwing or running or strenuous activity is good to help reduce swelling that occurs.  It doesn't matter how many times he throws in a given day or how hard, joints take a beating and throwing a baseball is not a natural movement for your arm that is why so many pitchers require surgery.  ask an ortho or a athletic trainer and they can tell you what i just said, ice ice ice after everything you do, knees elbows, shoulders, ice ice ice.  but not any longer than 20 min.
239313
Oh My God, that is a terrible and sad story. I really wish that I knew what to tell you or at least had some good advise. Being kicked out of my girlfriends house just a few months ago, I can relate to some of what you are going through. You will have hard times and sadness for a long time no doubt. But believe it or not, it does get easier as time goes by. That does not help you right now I know, and for that I am also sorry. There really isnt anything that I can tell you or that anybody can tell you really that will ease your pain and suffering. But for sure you need to keep your head about you and do whatever it takes to get you and your son through this horrible time in your life. I can be your e-mail pal/friend if you want, and again I wish I had some quick-fix remedy. Keep your chin up. (smile)
538542
Hindsight is a wonderful thing but cannot change anything.  I was raised by a single mom as father died when I was 3 years old from cancer.  But during my wise years (teenage years where I truly believed that I was brighter than Einstein) I thought that she knew nothing and was a foolish woman. But much to my amazement I now realize how brilliant she actually was and find myself repeating many of her sayings etc.  Your young son is going through a difficult time in his life as he is trying to cut the apron strings a bit and yet still remain a kid at the same time.  You can certainly sit him down and let him know that you and your friends went through a lot of the same things that he is currently experiencing but if he is like majority of kids he will doubt that you can identify with his feelings. Ha!  I suppose that is why it is called the generation gap and has been around probably since the beginning of mankind.  In a couple of more years he will see that he is not fooling anyone (especially his mom) by telling untruths and/or exaggerating his stories and will come around and respect you far more than you'll ever expect.  I lived through this with 3 sons of my own and they are all young men now - aged 32, 25 and 21, and we actually are able to laugh at some of the things from the past today.  Call on him when you think he is being dishonest but realize that it's part of teenage life at the same time.  You too shall survive this part of your son aging.  Kids today are forced to age at a much more quicker rate than generations of the past.
586351
First, Darlin', know that she wants 2 things. One, to be valuable, and two, she really is trying (in her own way) to look out for you. My son (Ian) and I just had this conversation yesterday. He (Ian) is almost 28 now and we were talking about Mike, his brother (they are twins) who got engaged at 20 to a woman 7 years older than he was. At the time I told his brother that he was too young and inexperienced to be ruling out his options, and that marring a woman that did have experience would mean that he would never win an argument with her or be equal in the relationship. He (Mike) thought I was raining on his parade. Yesterday his brother (Ian) and I were talking about how it is so hard to shut your mouth when you have had years of experience and know what your children don't. Ian was saying that he wished that his brother (who is now married with a small child) had listened, and that he can now really understand how frustrating it is for a parent to have experience and want to protect their child. \n\nIt is really hard on your mom for you to grow up. She is afraid that you won't need her anymore and she is trying to prove her worth by giving advice, a little too enthusiastic, I agree, but still, try to keep where she's coming from in mind. So, why don't you try this. The next time you are expressing a thought and she cuts you off, say "wait just a second, Mom. I really want to know what you think and I want to make sure you have all my thoughts before you give me yours, that way you will have all the information and I won't have to interrupt you." Try it and let me know if it works. If it doesn't, I can think of a couple of other tactics. \nGood luck!
187854
Vee....This is the Mom you said you wished your mom was like.  I can't be your "angel" but I can be a friend.  Please don't feel alone.\nShow your mom your question and my answer we had the other day about your "personal" problem.  I'm sure if she reads it, and reads what you said back to me, she'll slow down enough to realize she needs to give you the attention you need.  I'm sure she loves you more than life itself, and is trying to provide financial support for her family.  Unfortunately, now that we are in the 2000's it's hard to survive financially unless you burn the candle at both ends.  Just the basic living expenses are very expensive, and looks like there's no end in sight.  And raising a teenage girl and the clothes and things THEY want can almost require a second job! LOL!  Maybe you should say "Thank You" to Mom for providing a good life for you, and make an "appointment" with her to discuss these things.  I think she'll make time for you...I really do.  If you ever want to just talk or blow off steam, please feel free to email me (ljpeterson1956@yahoo.com), and so your mom doesn't think I'm some "pervert" make sure she always sees and knows about our emails if you do write me.  I assure you and her, I'm a 49 year old working full-time mom myself. I've been working in County government for 30 years, and have a 21 year old daughter with health issues. I've had to give extra attention to her because when her Dad and I divorced, he stopped having anything to do with her.  She and I are very close, and I wish that on any young girl trying to cope with this big old scary world.  When I read your letter in ANSWERS I just HAD to respond.  I have a special place in my heart for your situation.  Good luck....and have you made a doctor appointment yet??  ;-)
75184
yes court would be the only option most likely.  you could try talking to the mom, but most likely won't work. personally, I'm the mom and have the opposite.  good luck!
483167
Great answer, way to go dad!!!!!!!  I loved it.  I'm a single mom, but I have to say, thier dad does step up to the plate with them.  Not all dads are dead beats, way to go 5 stars on that joke.
353023
Excellent question.  It is hard for him to let someone else take an active role in his kids lives,  that's just how it is so tread carefully. You really have to be a selfless woman (and if you have a brother who is single and just like you, send him my way please !) You have to think about how you see yourself in the future. Do you want kids of your own? If so, stick with him, you all will be fine, but your relationship needs to be built on solid things like marriage in the future, you definitely being a mom to those little darlings and wether or not you have both really found yourselves. I wish you the best but the worst thing you can do to a single parent is lead them on. I think that if you broke it off like, NOW, he would still understand. Oh  and dealing with the mama drama is only what you make it, if you show respect you'll get a degree of respect and it wont just be from her but him also.\nTread carefully.
56023
I've started and deleted this a couple times and thought about what to say to you, but am having a hard time.\n\nI can't map in for some reason, so I apologize if my response is a scatterbrained collection of thoughts.\n\nOn one hand I hesitate because you don't want to be his 'mom'.....coming to rescue him.\n\n1st....he may not feel good about being rescued by a woman. I'm not taking a shot at you or anything....I happen to be open to someone helping me if I need it, but I don't think (most?) men warm up to that......unless they are insecure, and then you don't get a man for your partner, you get an adult momma's boy.\n\n2nd....he may not like a woman coming on to strong. He may regard your advances as just that, and regard it as another element to deal with.\n\nIf you've offered coffee, and other such things and have been turned down....that's male communication for.....'thank you, but not now'.\n\n3rd He may have an ego......one that may preclude him from admitting to himself that he needs help at all.\n\n:)\n\nMen like to tackle things completely (most of the time I think) and then move on to the next issue to deal with. It's possible that you are on the 'list'...so-to-speak. I'm sorry for making you sound like a line item. I don't think that, but for brevity I phrased it that way...and to help illustrate what I'm saying.\n\nIt's also likely that whatever he's going thru is deeper than you realize and it requires all his attention. Men (most) are somewhat single-minded and throw a lot of attention on one problem at a time, depending on what it is. This could be one of those situations.\n\nHe may regard the starting of a relationship...even a new friendship right now to be a taxing endeavor that he just doesn't want to deal with.\n\nI'd say that if you've made the offers.....then take stock in that......he knows.....he knows you're there. Don't be pushy.....we men really, really don't like that. I can speak for myself on that one....lol.\n\nDon't keep asking him for coffee....he'll just think you're a pain or think you have stock in Juan Valdez (geeze is he still around?) or something....lol.\n\nThe best thing to do is be a friend. Don't be a pain, don't be annoying and just hang.....being helpful to HIM won't be your idea of 'helpful'. And if you want to ingratiate yourself to him...you will have to figure out how you can be helpful to HIM. Do you know what I mean? That may just be being an ear for him if he wants to talk, sending him some jokes on the internet.....whatever.\n\nDon't be selfish with what you want.....do what is best for him right now.\n\nHope that helps....a little anyway. I hope it works out.....send me a wedding invitation....k?\n\n;)
31932
I like the way you are thinking.\n\nBut don't impose on them financial support as yet, She may want to be independant etc...\n\n...find out whether your son is OK in school - find out what he hopes to do etc. Ask him whether anything is holding him back...keeping it vague may pull in the answer you want to hear...\n\nIf you are on talking terms with your ex-wife you can discretely ask how she is managing...coz its unbelievable how she's managing having not worked for 4 years.\n\nBut again I'm impressed about you...have a nice day
498253
Yep you sure can.\n\nIf you suspect the boy's egg donor (can't really call her a mother if she's doing something like this), I'd check it out asap.\n\nYou are a good mom to this boy!  Good luck!
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
331274
i think you need to ask her about adopt one child...hope she comes back to you,good luck.
229217
Well I have 4 kids and I'm a single mother. I can not work at the moment because I can not find proper child care for the two children that don't attend school.( I would love to be working) But here is the deal, Me and my kids are living in a small 2br, 1 ba home, you could donate about $2,500.00 to us so that we can pay the down payment on a new and bigger home. Charity I guess you could say, but I would consider it to be a blessing. Ty   latovat@yahoo.com
107554
As a guy that has dated a single mother before - it has never come down to dealing with the ex-husband or the children being an issue. It has been an issue in the communication between the woman and myself. I expect that the kids will take precedence. I expect that she will need to talk to the father of her children and sometimes interact with them on a day to day basis. If you are up front and honest with the prospective boyfriend and communicate with him about the needs of your children and the interaction you have with their father it will help matters. You may find that looking for single dads may help as they are familiar with the needs of communicating with the mother of their children.
120594
I lost my oldest son just over 5 years ago.  He was murdered.  I am still not over it & never will be.  The best thing I can tell you is turn to your religion.  That has helped me.  I think God gives us answers on how to go on without our loved ones in everyday things.  Like, this might sound wierd to most, but sometimes I hear (in the back of my mind) my son talking to me or answering a question that I've only asked myself.  I take it as he's giving me advise.  I think I'm living life as my son would have wanted me to live it.  I'm making decisions that if he were here & I'd asked him for his advice, they are ones that he's tell me.  I don't know hon, life goes on & so must we.  Sorry to hear about your loss.  A son, aunt, mother or father, its never easy & nobody has all the answers.  Just take it day by day.  You'll have good ones & bad one.  I've learned to deal with it cause all the tears & sorrow or angry feelings isn't going to bring my son back, just make me a bitter person.  He wouldn't have wanted that.  He was a good young man, 23 at the time & had his whole life with a wonderful career in his sites.  He was brutally murdered.  We just had the trial back in September '05.  It still hurts but like I said... he would want me to do just what I'm doing... trying to be the best person I can be.  Good luck to you sweetie!
493272
First of all, kick that "aquaintance" in the butt hard! Second, maybe you should join a support group for single parents.