I always felt that the reason i was lonely was because i didn't have that significant other....now I have one who loves me and I love back. The problem is it would be impossible to spend 24/7 with my boyfriend and he is really the only person close I have in my life here. I have no other friends here in the city. I tend to be very secluded and have a hard time trusting people...thats why I only have a few friends to begin with. The five or so friends I am comfortable with live hundreds of miles away. I just wonder what am i supposed to do? Due to my personality i am not a very open and warm person at first, I am too shy and cold. I've tried to find intrests and things to do to past the time but i stay lonely. What do I do?
199097
Your emptiness cannot be filled with people, I don't think. Find something creative in your life, something you can do all by yourself. That way your boyfriend's presence in your everyday life would be sufficient. Use your sense of loneliness to create. Try to sing about it, write about it, or draw it. A creative project may easily be used as a form of therapy. A good artist is one who uses his feelings in his line of work. You have your feelings, now you need to find the right application for them. In some community college in your town they ought to have art classes or crafts or something you can learn. You seem to have lots of creative potential that needs to get out so that you wouldn't feel miserable. To me, it's a clear question of self fulfilment, or lack of it, that troubles you. I think you want others to fill that hole inside of you that only you can. \nBut if I am wrong, here is another idea. Try to find online friends, then you wouldn't need to live close to them. And if you think that you need to make friends faster, you have to change your attitude. Don't think of your shyness or aloofness while meeting others. Think instead, picture it in your mind's eye, how those strangers become the friends you are comfortable with, how they replace the 5 you lost.\nPicture it as something that has already happened, due to your efforts. Feel the sense of ease and pride, because it is behind you. That kind of creative visualisation helped me to overcome my own shyness and reach out to others when I needed them. And it would still be better if you had something behind you, some creative ability, diploma, something that would remind you of your worth. This would give you the necessary confidence for continuing meeting new people, in spite of all the fear and reservations. Whatever you do, the way to diminish your loneliness is to change your attitude. It is hard, as I well know from personal experience, but quite possible, especially with the right kind of motivation and creative imagery. Hope this helps. Good Luck.
484481
Friendship is more important to some people than others.  I do believe that one should have associates at least, too always be isolated is not good for you.  If you are not the type to give of yourself to a friend in almost the same effort as a relationship then socializing would be best for you. Like me I'm moody and very picky about people I don't have allot of friends.  I tend to focus in more on family and the special little and big things they bring to my life.   I have lost about 4 friends (so called) in less than 5 years, so I'm through with that now myself.  Just be free you don't belong to anybody but yourself.  Joining social and creative groups with people most like you for me is more beneficial than friends!
333922
Hey, people are not destined to be alone. There is someone out there in this world who is destined for you. Sometimes, they are just right infront of you but you didn't see them! \n\nWe have to meet the wrong persons before meeting the right one. Apperance doesn't count. Its better to read a book than to judge it.\n\nI feel empty, too, at times, but come to think of it again, I have my family and friends who loves me as much. A few of them are also people I could confide it.\n\nSo feel blessed, and don't feel empty.
258050
is the reason you haven't had a boyfriend because of them or you? i know lots of people in wheel chairs that have relationships. so is it you? maybe your so afraid of no one liking you that you give off the vibe to stay away. if your not confidant in your self or you dont like yourself...men can pick up on that. try cahnging your attitude about yourself and im sure things will change
650496
Although I have yet to have a true boyfriend I do read tons of magazines and many have had articles about these kind of situations.\nYou should talk to him about it.  This does not mean to just casually throw it in while you are together but to actually sit him down and tell him what you are feeling.\nHe probably says these things because he feels as if you are spending to much time with your friend and not a lot with him.\nSo I suggest setting aside a specific time just for you to spend with him.\nThis does not mean ignoring your friends.  You are allowed to have your own life outside of the relationship just as he is allowed to.
603973
I'm sure more people than you realize go through the situation you described. I know I have! And I also understand what you mean when you say that you don't want to go through it all again to form another friendship. Relationships take a lot of work to initiate and to maintain!\n\nI know you said that you can't afford a counselor, but I would really look into it some more. Do you have health insurance? They usually help you cover some of the cost; I know mine does. And if you find a therapist you like (that's really important--don't just go to anyone), tell him/her about your financial situation (be really honest about it, he/she will usually understand). If you're in school or employed, the school or job will usually have a mental health benefit so you can see a counselor or a therapist for free for a certain number of sessions. This can really be helpful--it may give you some insight into other things that may be going on for you, as well as help you figure out what the best solution(s) are in your situation. They'll also do a broader assessment and refer you to someone if they feel as though you may need additional support.\n\nHow long has this loneliness been going on? You write "lately" but does that mean a week, a month, a year? And are the "friends" that you're with right now the same ones that betrayed your trust before? How do you know them?\n\nI also completely understand when you write that you don't want to be someone's burden. I think many of us feel that way! When we have a problem or an issue that seems to consume a lot of our time and energy, that's all we want to talk about, and it may FEEL like the person we're talking to doesn't want to listen anymore or is only doing it to be nice. Believe me when I say (and I have been in both positions) that it is absolutely NOT TRUE. People DO want to listen to you! After all, relationships are two-way streets--when you share, the other person will feel more open and comfortable to share with you too.\n\nI like the suggestion of a few other people who have also answered this question: get involved with a group. Join some sort of activity (e.g., book reading club, running club, knitting club, group through a religious/spiritual organization, human rights advocacy group, etc.) in which you will automatically have something in common with the other people there. After all, you're all there for a reason, right? Conversations will be a lot easier to start that way, and it may be easier to find someone that you naturally "click" with.\n\nTake care.
29757
Walk away for a little while (or permanently). Make sure you know who you are by yourself before trying to find someone to share yourself with. There is no such thing as "your other half"... you have to be whole to begin with, and then you can find who you would like to have as a companion. It may be hard since women really hate to be lonely - but seriously, I had this happen too - if you spend time on yourself first... REALLY getting to know yourself... then you'll be much more likely to see what matches with you in a guy... and hey, you never know - one of the guys may give up (which would DEFINITELY tell you he wasn't for you since nobody who wants you would ever truly give up :P ) and make your decision a whole lot easier :)
181721
Celebrate life! Life is too precious to worry about people who don't care.......Go out with friends, volunteer somewhere, get a dog, join a club....... and the biggest thing is that you have to learn to be alone. If you are ok with yourself then you'll do better.  The right person is out there. It may take awhile, but she is there.......start looking!
588589
You need someone to love.  \n\nYou have a very giving nurturing spirit, but feel there is no one who needs it or deserves it.\n.\nYour boyfriend may also be acting indifferent or too independent for you and you feel somewhat lonely.
128757
I might be wrong, but I believe that the problem is that you are trying to behave the way everyone wants you to. What I am about to say is such a cliche, but nevertheless true: just be yourself. If those people don't hang out with you anymore, than they haven't been very good frineds to begin with. You are better off without them. \nAnd the fact that you are lonely is not necessarily related to the fact that you are alone. You can also be lonely in the mids of a crowd. Hope I gave you some food for thought........
45433
Being a loner is just an extension of your inner personality.  It's all a matter of preference (although friends are never a bad thing to have) and should be taken as thus.
99177
It sounds like you might be afraid of losing out altogether.  Probably both boys have some appeal to you, but probably neither one is everything you are looking for.  Perhaps if you step back and really look at yourself and look at yourself in relation to your boyfriend(s), you would find that you are afraid of being alone.\n\nDate whomever makes you feel happy, but don't be too involved yet because you aren't emotionally ready.  Spend some time doing things with other friends and get to know yourself better.  Even spend time by yourself doing things you like.  The better you know yourself, the better you will understand yourself in relation to others.
192676
Maybe you are afraid of commitment or maybe you just don't know yourself.  I suggest you take a break from dating and do some soul searching---how do I know because I am doing it right now--I have been so dependent on having someone there for me.  You need to start making yourself happy first (I am on a quest to do so as we speak).
303260
Atrabel, I was once in your shoes. When i broke up with my ex which was about 4 years back, i really felt lonely. It took me 2 years to get over her. Guessed I really loved her back then. Loneliness comes because you don't get to do the usual routines with your bf anymore i.e talking on the phone, shopping, etc. In this situation, one might feel depressed and lonesome. But hey, I was lucky I have good friends to support me. You don't have to do those things with your bf, you can share it with your friends and family instead. It might feel weird for the meanwhile, but trust me, u'll get over it in no time. Time will heal the wound, and if u need love... families and friends will do. They give tremendous sense of security. In the mean time, don't just sit there doing nth. Go out and meet new people, make new friends! There are so many things that you can enjoy doing urself as well. I've been single ever since, and i'm still happy. Time will tell when I'm ready for a steady relationship :) all the best sweetie!
649878
I thought i was the only one who felt so. I guess there are some things to keep to yourself, some moments you have to be alone....Better find an e-pal for youself, takes some time, but works out.\ntake care,\nbest wishes
629337
You will come across these kinds of people for the rest of your life.  I live my life very guarded and am very particular about who my friends are.  I use the rule that I keep people at a distance, enjoy their company but don't confide in them about anything personal.  After a while you tend to weed out the ones that you know won't be there for you if you need them or will stab you in the back the minute you walk away.  Don't let this slight your judgment in the future on seeking out companionship....just be a little more cautious!
607515
First, change where you hang out.  If you keep finding losers, then you must hanging out where losers hang out.\n\nSecond, change the way you choose a boyfriend.  It's obvious the system you have right now keeps landing you in the same place.  Insanity in action is repeating the same process and expecting a different result.  It just doesn't work that way.\n\nThird, ask yourself this question, "Why do I want to date him?"  If you cannot come up with anything other than a superficial answer (he's hawt, he smells good, he's rich, he's mysterious/exciting, etc), pass.  Your answers should be more like, "He makes me feel good about who I am," "He makes me laugh," or "He challenges me to be a better person."  Did you notice where the focus shifted?  You are no longer focusing on what makes him attractive, but on how he makes you feel.\n\nFinally, understand that the end game for dating is to find someone you can sepnd the rest of your life with.  Don't use it as a tool to just have company or someone who will pay for everything.  The latter will expect something in return, and the former are called 'friends' not boyfriends.  Use the system to do what it was made for, not to fill a void in your life.  No person can ever do that.  Lonliness can only be cured by you.