Everytime I've had this conversation with him, he takes it really bad.  I end up feeling extremely guilty and basically taking everything back because I can't seem to catch him when he isn't drinking.  But he just accepts that like everything is fine then.  Doesn't he know that it really isn't fine?  He seems to know how to make me feel like crap even though I haven't done anything wrong.  How do I stand my ground?
215012
Oh boy...you need to just leave him. He's playing mind games with you so you won't leave life is way too short to stay in a relationship out of pity and guilt. If you make the first step in leaving him maybe he will clue in that you are serious.Leave him a letter explaining why you have left as well as some Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlets maybe he will clue in and get help and if you feel like things could be worked out seek counselling alone as well as with him. I have a Friend who went through a similar situation and she finally left the guy and he used to say he'd kill himself if she left...well she left and he's still alive.He too has a major drinking problem but won't admit to it. It's really sad, I think, that anyone would chose booze over their spouse.try your best to get him help but don't do all the footwork for him make him see that he's hurting you and leave asap.
442607
It sounds like he does like you but is to into drinking to slow down and carry on a relationship. If you feel like you can put up with it when you get in a relationship then talk to him but if he has trust issues and you get in a relationship he probably wont like you getting upset about his drikning.
287931
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.
24607
NO!Do not fall for that line of BS...you cannot let yourself be responsible for someone elses choices. The "deal" he's trying to set up means that he can blame you for his drinking anytime you do the slightest thing, real or imagined that he can claim felt like you were not "with him 100%".\nHe's an adult and must be willing to accept the obligation to make his own decisions, not try to pin them on someone else. If I were you, I'd RUN, far and fast.\n\n\nAdded the next morning....Are you seeing a pattern here? Are you really noticing that nearly everyone sees your man's line as a pile of manipulative, gaming, alcoholic crap? I'm willing to bet that everyone who answered is of different ages, educational backgrounds and different parts of the country, maybe even different parts of the world, and we all came to essentially the same conclusion... THAT should give you food for thought.
522130
What a totally bogus kick in the teeth. Of all the low down rotten disrespect. It's not a question of who to be mad at as the anger and resentment  seething inside you is plenty for the both of them. You have every right to be mad at both of those two miscreants. Your first reaction would be that you probably would like to ring both of their necks and I don't blame you. This is all so terribly sad.\n  Anger aside you should reevaluate your relationship with with this so called "boyfriend". He seems very controlled by that idiot rat-friend of his. Him you can write off as a bad influence, a clot headed loser who doesn't even deserve the right time of day.  \nBut your boyfriend. Because of the money spent on the booze pay special attention to his use of alcohol. This should serve as a warning to any future interaction with him. You will never have any positive relationship with a drunk. Take some time for yourself and get your feelings sorted out even if it means not seeing him for a while. You may need a break from him. He really needs to make some kind of a decision as to how he feels about being with you. Guilt or no guilt this little escapade of his may illustrate his true feelings.
162101
Aww that's terrible, to me it sounds like he's the one with all the problems and you're going out of your way to be friends with him.  He's being abit patronising and maybe it means he needs to grow up abit, so maybe there isn't anything you can do at the moment except explain to him again all this from your perspective.  When he does degrade make sure you defend yourself, and even if you're not right maybe you can give the thoughts you had that made you think that way.  But it's not an exam, and please don't let him make you feel bad and I really hope it works out!
497380
I had the same problem he loves you he has been hurt before and thats why he wont express his feeling sober but when he is drunk he lets his guard down and it all comes out me and my man been together for 8yrs now and he was the same way going into the 2nd yr he started telling me how he felt when he was sober and it was the best feeling in the world that he finally shared his feelings good luck honey
558848
We wear different hats in the roles we carry with people.\nIf his job is to receive a monetary payment for a debt; it is very well within his customer service position to entertain some conversation.\n\nIf he is a friend; this is also within the common expectations of friendship.\n\nBut this is about you and your anger for his "poor judgement".\n\nYou have a right to be angry. He had no business, as a married man, being at another woman's house after drinking.\n\nBut on the same note, I'm wondering what it is about his prior behavior that has you monitoring his time in and out of someone elses house.\n\nHe did not disrespect you by being at a friend's house.\nHowever, I think you have a right to feel betrayed or slightly insecure by his behavior.\n\nI think  - if the only solution to the situation is that you control whome he is friends with, then, in this one case it may be warranted.\nHowever, you should expect the same considerations from your man as well.\n\nI think he's suffered enough and knows you won't tolerate even the slightest implication of wrong doing.\nTry to follow him around less.\n\nSometimes when people are accused of wrong doing, disrespected with a lack of trust and a denial of their dignity, and are treated badly for something they really haven't done...\n...it makes the crime easier to commit because.\nthey think "Why not...I'm already suspected of it...might as well do it and enjoy the benefits rather than always suffering the accusations". \n\nBest of luck with second chances
303381
alcohol makes a person do things he/she wouldn't normally do. I think you're mistaken about him. Listen to him, believe and obey him, and help him stop drinking then prove yourself! You're just confused and need more self esteem.
19063
perhaps you should stop reading things into it, don't try to figure out what he's thinking.  Come straight out and be honest with him, "look, I said those things because I was confused.  I feel foolish, and you may not want to hear it, but the truth is that..."  if he is any kind of a man, he will hear you out.  Don't play games, if he is worth fighting for, be straightforward.  He heard what you told him and he took you seriously.  Don't try to "make him call", just seize the opportunity and do so yourself.  If he accepts an intelligent whole-hearted apology and he feels the same, it was meant to be.  Next time, don't be so impulsive!
36563
I can't stand how he always asks me, What's wrong? when I tell him nothing, he thinks I'm lying even though nothing is wrong maybe I'm just tired of stressed out thinking about things that are going on at the moment or whatever. He always acts like I am mad at him or something and I won't tell him what he did wrong.
521282
He keeps being persistant because you give in to easily. He keeps screwing up because he knows you will take him back eventually. Pull your head out of your behind and stand up for yourself! Tell him to F$&# off for good! You can do much better than him and you know it!
482164
If a group of you can sit down with him and tell him he has 2 choices\nHe either goes immediately to treatment and afterwards he must remain sober (go to AA, too)......or\nYou will have to go over his head and report him.  It's ruining your department and you all are NOT going to take the blame for his behavior.
205992
I'm actually having that same problem. In my case, yeah, I made a mistake, but I fessed up to it, was honest about it, and tried to apologize for it. I still feel like the other person is trying to make me feel guilty, and I refuse to be around people who are always negative all the time. I thought that I liked people like that, and maybe I did once, but now it just brings me down. I want to feel better, not feel how alone I am, and how much the world sucks. That's my story.
472200
hey mama I am in the exact same position and my guy friend has mentioned he hates when girls make the first move so I am petrified to tell him, I feel like I have to wait for him to come to me. But he is probably thinking the same as you. Whenever drink, stuff happens and I usually spend every day with him and we do everything together. Work out together, party together, occasionally sleep together the whole 9. Whenever we need anything, we're the first ones each other calls. If you figure this out- lemme know!\nLauramr015@yahoo.com
237349
Take a break.....if it happened once it could happen again.  They say once a cheater always a cheater.  What were the circumstances surrounding the "moment" alcohol, stress, anger etc....and will this set it off in the future??  It could just be a never ending spiral.  And at some point if it does happen again, you may feel you need to do the same thing just to get back at him.  He needs to prove himself worthy of you.  And it will always sit in the back of your mind.  First thing you should do is talk about it again and show him how you are feeling, if your reaction was nothing, he may not think it's a big deal!  Good luck....  And remember there is someone out there that is perfect for you, so if you ahve to let this one go, it might be b/c someone better is waiting!! :)
447898
if he is there again, call him on it AS SOON as he gets there..something like...I hope you don't plan on getting drunk and acting like an ass again.  If he DOES, leave.  Plan and simple..remove YOURSELF from the situation..the only person you can control is you.  Maybe your friend will see what a hindrance he is then.  Good Luck!