I and my ex has separated for more than 1 year. Because our story was so sad so I think that we should not met each other again. That's better for both. But I still care about him as a good friend, be honest, before he used to be my motivation, he's very important to me. In fact, now, he's just a friend in my mind.\n\nI've started a new start with a good guy and it seems that I found the man of my life. \n\nI donT know how to behave reasonably with ex. About 1 month ago, i accidentally met him at an English club, i immediatelly went away without saying anything :(. Hic, I don't know what should I do at that moment? \n\nI don't want to get hurt, to be sad any more!:( and in any case I don't want to be the person who will be say first
206458
Past is past but the memories we left behind is hunting us deep within our hearts....next time, you see him...give him a smile and look away and never say things you never ment to say....
657684
Hon, from what I am reading you really aren't ready for another relationship right now if you are still hanging on to the memories of your previous relationship with the hope that things will happen for you both someday. Honestly, the chances are that they will are pretty slim to none, especially if you both are not on speaking terms.\n\nYou need to take some time to yourself and sort out your feelings for this guy. You need to make an honest assessment of what was good in the relationship, as well as what was bad, so that you have a better idea of what kind of relationship you want in the future. You need to determine what you will and will not accept in a relationship in the future, as well as assess what you both did wrong in the relationship that caused it to fail. This is especially important because one person is never solely responsible for a relationship's failure; both people are and to move on successfully you have to take responsibility for your own actions. Additionally, you will eventually need to forgive your ex for his contributions to the failure of the relationship, as well as forgive yourself. If you don't, you will carry that baggage into the next love affair you have and nothing will ever get resolved.\n\nIf you rush into another relationship now, while you are still reeling from the other one, you are getting involved for all of the wrong reasons: you don't want to be alone, you are afraid of being alone, etc etc etc. It will be a classic rebound situation. You won't be getting involved because you really like the new guy. You are getting involved because you can't handle being alone or you want to replicate what you had (when it was good) with your ex. Relationships like this are DOOMED.\n\nTake some time for yourself. Relax. Read, or hang out with your friends. Write your feelings in a journal; get to know who you are, sort your feelings out, and then, when you are ready, forgive your ex and yourself. When you feel positive about things again (including yourself) then and only then are you ready for another relationship.\n\nHow do I know this? Life experience. I am 50 now and I had to learn the hard way. When I was your age I was involved with a guy who I THOUGHT was the love of my life. It didn't work out, so in my panic, I rushed into a relationship with a guy who paid lots and lots of attention to me. I thought HE was the love of my life, too. What did I do? 2 years later we got married. OY! What a mistake that was. We were married for 10 years, and after 10 years of his craziness I finally was brave enough to get out of the marriage and get a divorce. He was NUTS - verbally abusive at first, and then he became physically abusive. When we dated I saw these things in him, but ignored them. I ignored my intuition - my gut told me he was nuts and that he was troubled, but because I was scared of being alone, I married him anyway. Why? Because he was romantic. Ahhh, nothing like lessons learned.\n\nI stepped back, assessed my wants and needs, forgave him and myself for our mistakes, and decided what I wanted. 4 years after my divorce and a few lousy relationships later, I met my second husband and married him 6 months later. That was 6 years ago and we are happy. In the end it worked out for me, but the stress of a miserable marriage because of my fears of aloneness made me sick. So don't do it. \n\nTake time for you, and sorry this is so long.
312399
Why bother? You have lots of friends. This will just be a "complicated friend."  \n\nLife's tough enough. \n\nFriendly is fine (when you run into him on the street Hello/how are you?/nice seeing you/goodbye). But friends? Too complicated with an ex.
390935
Sadly and embarrassingly enough - I know that situation and have been on the girl side. I loved my new bf and just could bear the fact that my ex is just not noticing and forgetting me. Stupid enough I have been to start calling him and even meeting with him saying that I want his friendship. But really I just wanted him to be mine again even though I didn't really need him!!!\n\nBe careful women are fools!! It might not be the same situation, but based on what you said and what I've had it really looks like it!
404977
You need to think about your status right now. How do you feel about your ex boyfriend? Why did you  leave him? And then ask yourself why exactly it is you want to see the guy you met, and why exactly  it is that you  like him. \n\nReflect on this before making a decision. It's never a good idea to start something new while on the "rebound" because you might make wrong decisions and someone could end up getting hurt.\n\nThe one thing I've always had problems with while being on the 'rebound' is hurting the  'new guy'. I would talk about my ex and say i was mad at him all the time, but what it meant was I was still thinking about him. \n\nIf you find yourself constantly talking about your ex; either negatively or positively, i would definitely steer clear of starting something new until I was confident that I was ready.\n\nBest of luck!\n-Mick
60218
Why bother to lower yourself to his level?  I would think that you would want to forget the bad times and start making good times.  Use your energy to find another partner/mate/pal or whatever you call him and develop some great new memories to blot out the sour of the old.  Remember this, ugly harbors ugly.
573232
You have to go into this with an open mind. I had a similar situation arise and am still trying to correct it. I was in a relationship that lasted almost 6 years. I was verbally, physically and emotionally abused by my ex. I met a wonderful man who helped me get out of my situation and get my mind off my ex. But I still doted because I had grown a strong attatchment to him (my ex) even though I didn't love him anymore. By the time I realized I was in love with this new man, things were too late...I'm still praying for him to come back my way.  What I'm trying to get at is that you need to give yourself time to get over your abusive ex, because you won't be happy in your new relationship. Loving somebody else is a big sign that you're getting closer to that. Remember your ex is your ex for a reason and HE did all that bad stuff to you. Not your new guy. You will also realize quicker in a new relationship if he has abusive tendencies so you can move on.  I suggest calling him and trying to set something up such as    coffee, keep it casual and let him know face to face how you feel. I know your scared but you have to do it or you'll never know what could have been!
78991
Just make a move. Start again, all refreshed but remember to be yourself when you meet someone. Don't be ashamed though to talk about your feelings to other people, just don't go overboard otherwise they will not want to be near you. Tell someone that your divorced if they want to talk about you. No matter what the situation turns out like, your still being yourself.
409056
I know exactly what you're going through.  There's no advice that anyone can give you to get you through this, which makes it so much harder.  And I think you're doing the right thing by acting happy and like you're fine.  You don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve.  That's only for your closest of friends to know - and that's what they're there for.  You need to continue your life without him as hard as that is.  \n\nIf you know there's 0 chance of getting him back, just realize that that's the reality.  You're probably beating yourself up trying to figure out how to win him back, but reality hits hard and you just need to accept it.  You have to be happy for him if he's happy and just know that you did what you could and you can't do anymore.  \n\nSomeone once told me that guys always realize what they've done wrong when they're older and wiser, but they'll never admit to it.  Just continue with your life the way you are and cry when you need to.  If you live day to day with a sad face, it' s not going to help your situation any more.  It's not going to bring him back, not going to make you happier, not going to change anything.  \n\nTime is the only healer.  I think about my ex all the time.  He won't return any of my calls or talk to me.  So I just leave him messages telling him I'm thinking of him and if he needs anything I'll be there.  But I still don't hear from him.  So slowly, I'm letting go.  I know it's already been 4 months.  But I've known people that it's taken them a year or more to get over someone.  \n\nMaybe it just wasn't in the stars for the both of you to be together.  Take what you've learned in the relationship and only remember the good things.  I'm sure he's a wonderful guy, but that doesn't mean you'll find someone more wonderful who will make that committment to you and stick with it.  Don't rush into another relationship because you know you're still not over him.  Be honest with yourself.  That's fine if you think about him all the time - you really love him.  \n\nBut if you really love someone, let it go.  If it comes back to you it's meant to be.  And in this case, since he's moved on, it just wasn't meant to be.  I'm sorry.  I definitely know break-ups are not easy, but don't forget to continue respecting yourself.  You're not alone...
192055
Your ex is an ex for a reason...& I'm sure you remember those reasons, don't you?..So why would you look back!!...Give you new friend a chance at least, if not, move on...There's always bigger & better fish out in the sea..
110731
You are not alone! If any one has gamble in love, then, at one time or another they too, were in this situation.  A few weeks ago I seen a segment on TV about a woman who actually makes her living helping others that have broke up from their mates. This is how devastating a breakup can be.  The first thing she did was make sure the person did not become a couch or bed potato.  She said you have to get back into the world as soon as possible.  I realize that you are more concerned about the daily thing, and seeing him all the time.  Just, get up every morning, always fix yourself up and dress 'hot'.  Lean on your friends when you have to see him or be in the same class with him. Everyone has that one friend that makes you laugh alot, you need her now more than ever. Continue your life as close to normal as possible. Scope out someone else that you might be interested in dating and start conversations with him. You may not be ready, but get ready. Your X will see that your life has not stopped because he walked out. And by moving forward and keeping a good appearance and attitude, he will definitely take notice. I don't if you want him back or not, but moving on to another relation ship always makes the other one feel rejected and if someone else wants you, so does Mr X. You got the power..now, GO GIRL!!!
255068
Have your mind made up. This is the hardest part. Make sure this is what you want. If you think there is still something left inside of you for this person, chances are you will go back and will repeat these steps over again. \nMake a written list of all the reasons why things will be better if the relationship is over. Think of what will happen if you stay with this person, and how many years of your life you could end up spending on an unhealthy relationship. Keep this list close to you at all times. \nThink ahead. Have a day when you decide it's over and you are going to move on. Don't just jump up and leave on an impulse. If you can, talk to that person and say, "When rent is up this month, I am going to find another place" or "I'm moving in with my parents" or "You need to leave at the end of this month." This gives the person time to make arrangements. And, it's much easier to go back on an impulse then it is to go back on a calmly and clearly stated intention. \nKeep the peace. Don't allow the person to suck you into the same old arguments, guilt trips, or drama. State your intention and walk away. Case closed. There's nothing left to do but follow through. \nOnce on your own, treat yourself. If you don't, you may get bored and call this person. Make some new friends and constantly have something up your sleeve. Do things that you were not able to do because of this person. This will let you know that you have still got it and make you feel good inside. \nCut off all communication. Even if you intend to stay friends, it's a good idea to avoid contact with this person for at least a month after you break up. Otherwise, it's extremely easy for them to slip right back into their old role in your life and start the cycle all over again. \nTry not to think about or bring up old memories. If friends start talking about this person, tell them you don't want to talk about it, whether good or bad. Get rid of gifts, photographs, and any other relics of the relationship--or at least put them way out of sight. \nPrepare for the possibility that your ex may say things to your friends, family or co-workers and make you look bad. He or she may not have been ready to let go like you did. Be the mature one and laugh about it. Eventually it will stop. \nRemember that this was just not the "one." Oh well, things couldn't work out. This is life. Make sure you still have what it takes to be good to the next person you are with. Remember the traits of the person you left and compare them to the person to are interested in. This will help it from happening again.
198049
Wow, that person with the whole exes are like poison has some serious issues.  Trust me, I've never had an experiance like that in my life, so I think he's just a little bit out there.  Re-infected every time you talk to an ex?  WTF?  Can we say "can't move on"?\n\nI've been able to remain friends with many of my exes, but I think part of that is because most of my break ups were mutual.  I think that if you got dumped by her, it might be harder.\n\nI would suggest writing her a letter or email with whatever you want to say.  Tell her that you were really hurt when you broke up, and you just wanted to say that you've made your way through it and would like to see if a friendship between you would be possible.  Then the ball is in her court, if she doesn't respond, then don't push the issue further.  If she gives you a call or send you an email back, have coffee together and talk about what has been going on in your life since the break up.\n\nJust don't have coffee and re-hash the break up, I doubt your ex wants to do that and while it might make you think it will feel better, in reality it will probably just make both of you uncomfortable.  If you start feeling like a friendship is making you feel worse, then its not the right thing to be doing right now.\n\nWork on building a new friendship with an eye on the future, not on the past.
597076
I'm in the same boat honey. I'm trying to get over this guy who only wants to be my friend now.  And yes I want that, but every time I hang out with him I want to hug and kiss him like I used to, which wasn't too long ago. What my friends tell me, and what I'm now telling you, you need to break away from him for awhile. Try not to call him, as hard as that is, and just give your heart and head a break from him. And maybe in a couple weeks or months, or however long it takes you, you'll be able to hang out with him with no feelings other than friendship aimed at him. Also another good way of getting over him, is trying to date other people, even though they won't be him and you'll be comparing them all to him, it'll be a stepping stone, and eventually you'll meet that guy and not even think about your ex. Hope this makes sense and helps. Good luck.
495673
You should do what you think is right. If you think it is going to turn out badly, don't go. But if you want to go, then i say go. Your ex (whether or not you want to still be friends with him) should have no impact on where you go and who you hang out with.
206787
You might need to consider the possibility that she has met someone else. It's very comfortable having an ex as a friend when you are single - especially if they care about you the way you clearly care about this girl. But when you meet someone new and they are giving you that special attention you find you don't need the friend as much. Plus, it can be a bit awkward explaining things if you know this person still has feelings for you. Maybe send her an email just saying that if she doesn't feel like talking that it's ok but could she just let you know if she is ok. But you might have to accept that friend or no friend, you will not always be that special someone for her. Maybe its time to find a special someone for yourself and move on.
141588
There's nothing about being selfish in this situation you're being reasonable. You can let this new guy know where you stand and let him know that you need sometime to sort through things in your life before getting back into another relationship. At the end of the if he wants to start another relationship with someone else you guys can still be friends and move on from there. On the other hand, if he wants to wait for you then you know he's in deed a really good guy. With my friendship/relationship I've been with my boyfriend for a 1.5 years and we were in the same state but then I went out of state to complete a Masters' degree and to be fair I gave him the option of being with someone else if someone else came along before I came back to MI to be with him. I did that because either one of us has never had a long distance relationship, so I didn't want to make him feel that he is "tied to me" while i'm out of state at Graduate school. The "separation" didn't happen we ended up still being together and when I came back to MI to visit him the love was there as if I was always there with him. So good things happen if its suppose to happen that way. Good luck and I wish you all the best.