My bf and I have been together almost 2 years.  He may end up getting a job offer in another state.  All my family and friends and relatives live here in California he may end up having to move to Arizona or another state.  He knew when he met me that I would never leave California.  It is easy for him to leave because he basically has no real friends all he has relative wise is his mom and aunt and uncle.  His mom would be moving with him if he were to get and take this job. The way I see it is there are plenty of jobs out there that you do not have to take something that is going to take you far away from a woman you love and are supposed to be getting married to.  He thinks I am being selfish for not wanting to move.  What does everyone else out there think?
215563
baby girl, stay. if it meant to be; it meant to be. there's alot of guys out there who would love to go out with you.
41063
From personal experience and I also have friends trying to make long distance work. Its sooooo hard! No matter how much you like or love that person its nearly impossible, especially since you both live in two different states. Have you ever heard of the expression, The right person but the wrong time. Dont hold each other back.
567166
I'd really discourage you moving just to be near him. As you said, he'll likely be deployed soon and then you'd be left there by yourself. Since you aren't married you would have limited support and access to base resources. If it is meant to be, your relationship will survive this. If not...at least you will be moving forward in your career.\n\nGood luck.
530905
Girl tell me about it, my bf of 2 years is here and DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE BUT KEEPS PRETENDING THAT HE DOES. And to top it off, he'd rather be with his family who treats him, me and my son fuck*ed up for no reason.  Hes leaving to go there.  He messed it up this year and last year...everytime I say he couldnt possibly make me feel any lower he finds a way to! I dont get it.
506758
I really don't think so. If you have been together for four years, are moving out of state together, and he hasn't asked up to this point, why would he ask now? He doesn't see the need....he has everything he wants, without marriage.
158753
I don't think I'd do anything quite yet.  You should probably wait and see what happens. I understand you're worried but if your relationship is strong, you 2 can work this out.  Some people can make long distance relationships work out, some can't.  He says he's taking you with him, do you even want to move? That's something you'll have to decide and that could give you the rest of the answers you need.\nBest of luck to you!
261373
It depends on how badly YOU BOTH want it to work. Since you already have an established relationship, you are already ahead of the game so you have a far greater chance of keeping it that way. You have to make sure you try to keep in touch as often as possible, and when you have the opportunity to see each other just do it. You are probably going to come back home over holidays, spring break, etc, etc, right? So at least you have that. But keeping the communication lines going is more important now than ever. It can be done, it will just involve a lot of work from the 2 of you, and you have to discuss this with him before you leave, or agree to see other people and take the risk of losing each other for good. This exact scenario happened to me when I was 19 as well, and I was together with my boyfriend at that time for 3 years already. He had to go to another city (only 2 hrs away) to get his Masters and PHd. It was hard to maintain but he made it a point to come down every 2 weekends, no matter what. Good luck to you both.
337193
It depends...how long have you two known each other and who will be making the sacrifice to move away? Let me guess you'll be the one. What are you leaving behind and is moving really worth it? Have you two known each other long enough?
248911
No.  The thing is this...once you have kids, your life is not your anymore.  You honestly should have left when things started to go south in your marriage.  Uprooting your kids and taking them away from one of their parents while still in school and moving them 450 miles away with a person whom they will resent is not only selfish but you will end up paying the price.  Think of the people you would be hurting.\n\nIf the love is meant to last, then it will still be there when your kids graduate.\n\nWhat you should do is move out with your kids within the same town and have a long distance relationship with this person, keeping your kids first in mind, not the relationship.  They may be in high school but believe me, they are still kids and this is till tramatic for them no matter how adult they seem.  \n\nRegarding your spouses suicidal tendancies, contact a mental health pro about this simply for your childrens sake.  the last thing they would need after all this turmoil is for a parent to commit suicide.  Most likely your spouse will not do this, but just is case, it is advisable.\n\nDo you reallt hink this guys good paying job is worth tramatizing your children anymore then is already happening?  Believe me, it will bite you in the ass later.  They will resent you for this and will know that you chose this man over them.  Do the right thing and make him come back to your town until they graduate and do not live together until then.  Your kids should still be nnumber one in your life and should know that.  No amount of money is worth hurting my kids over!
233427
Chalk it up as a life experience, and move on. Long distant relationships seldom work, especially, it would seem to me, ones between two different countries. It is possible, I suppose, but brothers and sisters seldom hold hands in America, that would be more of a European thing. Really, you two live so far apart, how is it going to work out anyway?
310986
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
128718
He wants to make sure that everyone knows that you are WAY off the market.  He has made a very small commitment, but if your not planning on marrying him I would cut and run.  He sounds somewhat controlling, but it could just be that ya'll are young and tenatious.
371723
Why is he so strongly against it?  This is your life.  I have always thought that the girls who followed their boyfriends to a different college were dumb because chances of that relationship to last are very very slim.  But then there are the ones that do work out.  You have to figure out if this is really the guy you love because if you are willing to change your life and ambitions for this guy then you have to be willing to die for him and care for him no matter what.  You should have a conversation about why he is so against it, no yelling/stay calm.  You need to tell him that you love him but you have always wanted to do this and he should be supportive.  If there is a really good reason why you shouldn't work there and you love him then you should listen otherwise you should take the job and he might leave you for a bit but come back because he misses you
667016
There's a trade-off for everything. I moved a lot for career purposes and in my experience, you make new friends whenever you go somewhere. It really expands your mind because you get to know so many different kinds of people.  My family was a 6 hr flight away. The second move was a 12 hour flight. That was hard, but nowadays there are webcams with free voice, etc. Re the love of your life. If she really is the love of your life, marry her and take her along.  I also have a flat in my hometown that I have rented out. Today, I'm 45 and don't have to work anymore, whereas most people have to work until they're at least 65. That is the trade-off.  Whatever decision you make, consider this: Imagine you're 60 years old and looking in the mirror and asking yourself what your life was like. You don't want to be in a position where you'll say: oh, I wish I had done this and that, because then it'll be too late.
105013
I don't do long distance marriages, I like it the old fashioned way. Meet the guy, date for an extended period of time, get to know him, then decide whether he is someone I would consider marrying.  And I am not interested in helping anyone get a greencard. Just to business like for me.
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
630591
My goodnes,it sounds like he working himself to death there.But sometimes that's what you have to do to help your family.I gather that his father isn't around?It's hard sometimes for guys in this situation.I'm sure he loves you and I'm sure he also loves his family.I could imagine that it's hard for you being away from him and I totally understand that(husbands in the Army),but you also have to make sure that you finish your schooling and take care of yourself too.Is he getting any other help with the finances?That sure is a big job taking care of four people and sounds like the pay is not that good,but then again what job does pay good these days for us regular folks?You should be supportive though even though I know it's hard for you.Is there any way that you can transfer to a school where he is at?Or is that not possible?If he is having issues from going to Iraq,maybe he should try to get some counseling,if he would ever find the time.There are just too many soldiers that come back from there that don't seek any kind of help and then one day it just sneaks up on them and that is a whole other story.I hope for your sake and his that he will exercise those options.And no,love shouldn't be that hard but as stupid as it sounds it will make your love stronger between each other.Good Luck to ya and I hope it all works out.