i need help i have 5 children and i have never raised them they were all adopted and now i have seen my two oldest children after 16 years and dont know how to talk with them they are 18 and 17. they are my two wonderful girls.
202937
sweety, I have no answer to this...no experienced answer, but isn't LOVE always-the-answer?  maybe taking the time to explain???  you don't say what their response is either, but if its positive try talking to them, maybe write them a letter telling them how you feel.  YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEND THE LETTER YA KNOW\n\nMy prayers and thoughts are with you, I really hope this helps,  :) :) :) :) \n\nroxann
530135
Wow - tough one. Have you thought about adoption? Do your parents know? Talk to them or your boyfriends parents or you doctor. Somebody will help you because they care about you. Your not alone. Good luck
334856
i can only speak from what i know about my friends mom. she gave her first child up for adoption because she was very young and the father moved away, and this was in the 60s where it was still 'bad' to be an unwed mother. she had to go to another town and stay in a young mothers home until the baby boy was born, then she signed the papers. that was almost 40 years ago and she thought about him all the time, every birthday holiday, when her daughter was born and as that daughter grew up, etc etc. she did not try to contact him because she had no way of knowing if his parents had told him he was adopted and did not want to upset anyone. she knew she made the best decision she could at the time and hoped and prayed he was given a happy life with caring people.\n\nabout 2 years ago her daughter decided to put her name into the adoption records place and they would be contacted ONLY if the son/brother had also put in his name. turns out that he did and he slowly grew a relationship with them, tho its still a bit awkward sometimes. he had very loving caring parents and is married with 3 kids of his own. one of his sons looks eerily like my friend's son. its all been very cool. but he had all the same questions and it was hard at first for him to understand why she gave him up all those years ago. once he found out that she kept a baby book in a very special place that had the only photo of him she was allowed along with the details of his birth and journal entries from over the years, he realised that no matter what, she loved him and thats WHY she decided he might have a chance at a better life with someone else. he visits and their relationship is pretty good, he is close to his sister (my friend) and all of the family have now met - parents included. it was the most heart wrenching thing i have ever witnessed. but sometimes you just cant leave a clue or info, depends on the laws. its often not that they dont WANT to leave info or get in touch, its fear, confusion, and a multitude of feelings many people would not understand if they didnt go through it themselves.
60752
Alot depends on how old you are...the good thing about all this is when you are able to finally leave unlike their other children you will know how to take care of yourself and others and will have matured into a dependable adult which is a very valuble thing...instead of stress see it as a blessing for the above reasons...their other kids will most likly strugle through life and marry out of need and be unhappy most of their lives.....take this time to find out what it is God is preparing you for and do the best you can while asking God for strength, wisdom and percerverance....Hang in there kid life goes by quickly this is only for a short time....\n\nAs to the adoption part we are all God's adopted children if we accept salvation through Jesus Christ .....if its good enough for God it should be good enough for you and God makes no mistakes about where and when we are born it is all a part of His plan...You were no mistake so run with it and one day the whimpy kids you took care of will look to you for help and wisdom...\n\nOne last thought Christ Himself said that he came to serve not to be served...Sounds to me like you have a Godly life ahead of you.
653562
Having two kids is hard on you.  Life is full of responsibility and the grass will look greener on the other side of the fence won't it?  All I can say is that it will get easier as the children grow up.  Make sure that you still get out and see your friends alone and get out with your partner sometimes , alone.  Bein a Mum 24/7 with no chance to express yourself will grind you to the floor.  You don't say how long you were with your partner before you married but if you didn't know eachother inside out before you had children it is hard to find your new places in family life while keeping yourselves.....does that make sense?
469501
My husbands family tends to ignore my childrens birthdays also, but always buy things for their other grandchildren. I haven't figured out why, but now that my children are getting older they are noticing and I'm sure my 16 year old will someday confront his grandparents as to why. In the meantime I try and compensate for their lack of affection by letting my children know that I love them. My husband won't say anything either because he feels as if he is in the middle. The most important thing is that you are there for the children no matter what his family does. I figure someday they will look around and be alone due to the fact that they have treated everyone so poorly for so long.
9941
I felt the same at age 17.  At 24 I married my wife knowing that we couldn't conceive our own kids. In 1982 we began to search for a baby to adopt and found that we needed to include "special needs" kids because there are so many available to adopt. Our kids are now 22,20,18,16 and by some miracle I became a family-man.
83020
I have 3 siblings, two are brothers and one is a sister, I am a girl, too. So in my family my mother had 4 children. When I am older I only want one child, because two or more seems just way too much for me. I want to adopt my child from Peru, too. She will be a girl, and I will name her Fate, or Faith. If I get married probably Faith, but if not Fate. Yeah, I kinda have my whole life planned already, but who knows what will really happen.\n\nJust because I am such an open person, I will tell you all of my plans. =) Okay, first off I will go to college and learn all about therapy and things like that, I want to either be a massage therapist or physical therapist. Anyways, once I get a job I will move somewhere by the mountains, and have a cabin to myself there. I dont plan to get married, because I just dont do well with the opposite sex. Anyways, so when I feel I have my life in a good place I will adopt my child from Peru, and name her little Fate Morgan. Or Faith Morgan... anyways. I will take defense classes and learn how to defend myself, and I will buy a rifle, for protection only! Yeah, my life sounds cool, huh? =)\n\nIf you want to talk to me about this email me at goodbye.heartache@yahoo.com, love to hear from you!
230200
It is sad to hear how they treat you. There is ways of finding out if you where adopted like getting hold of your birth certificate. You can ask a social worker to assist you with this. You are probably not adopted. Your parents have issues like struggling to cope and you should not take this treatment as if your the one at fault. How old are you?\n\nGet trough this by seeking help, professional help and when your 18 start a life for yourself. \n\nNOBODY NEEDS TO BE TREATED THIS WAY!!!!!!!!
669029
have  you tried going through the adoption disclosure agency and registering with them.    I'm not sure where you live, but i contacted the one in toronto, On, and they found my birth mother but she didn't want to see me and i haven't seen her in 45 years.  My e-mail address is devon_46@hotmail.com if you need more information about the agency and live in or near the toronto area
173701
Just try to stay neutral when the kids ask why daddy isn't there.  You don't want them to remember you "bad mouthing" their father, even if what you say is true.  I do not know how old they are, but as they grow up, they will see and figure out what is going on.  Just always assure them that it is not their fault, and that you are there for them.
314946
i have raise 5 girls, 2 of mine and 3 step. my too and one step still lives with me, and shes 18 now. ive been devorced 6 years now. i have great girls :D
319656
Not seeing my children grow up.
602777
Be open and honest it is better to talk with them and for them to know what's going on.  Parents may be disappointed YES, but that doesn't mean that they are going to stop loving you.  It's like I'm trying to teach my kids, I may not always like everything you tell me, in fact somethings I might even get upset over, but that has NO impact on just how much I LOVE YOU!  It's hard to believe but most times when we get upset over something it's because we've been there and done that, we know the mistakes you are making and how painful the pitfalls can be, and we hope to prevent you from making some of the same ones. But you also have to grow and learn and even though we would like to lock you up and never let you out you have to learn to make wise choices and that doesn't happen with out screwing up occasionaly.  We also like to think that our little girls are never going to grow up. It's tough for us to see you making grown up choices. Honestly though, parents know more than their kids think, and sometimes it's easier to turn a blind eye.  It's killer to think of your kids doing those things, one day you will understand.  I have eaten my words of "I'll never be like you when I'm a mom" "I'll be understanding"  Yeah right, as a teen you can't  fully understand parents because that's God's gift to us. We on the other hand have the experence and knowledge of our youth, and the smarts from learning from our screw-ups.  and you can learn alot from sitting down and just talking about this with your parents.  It can also bring you closer.  Parents like it when their kids do take the time to confide and trust in them.  Just tell them that you want to sit down and talk. Decide on a time, make an invitation and give it to them, saying the date and time.  Then plan out how you want to tell them. You could always write a poem and stick it in the poem.  Or you could write it in your journal and leave it out in a open place for them to read.  Of coarse I'm sure they already know where you keep it and could already be informed and are just waiting for you to come out with it.  Just remember that know matter how upset they may seem at first, they really do LOVE YOU!!!! I guarantee it. \nAnytime you want to talk feel free.........Your parents are not the enemy!  Learn to trust in their love for you. In closing I really hope that this isn't my daughters friend Becca, I might just have to whop you myself when you get back. So much for the pleasantries sounded nice though lol...........but really it is true. Just alittle humor there, who knows maybe my daughter put you up to the question. OH that would be really bad!!!!! OK, don't let my thoughts get the better of me.  It's tough being a parent, and really we don't get paid nearly enough. Take care and stick with the game of softball and those bases, it's much safer.
318639
Your kids are right now very vulnerable, and depending on you their mother, to feed them, nurture them,and love them a lot. I have seen parents mistreat their kids even in public places and it make me so mad to see them do that. Please have a little patience with them and ask God to give you, above all a lot of self control because it takes a lot to have it with two kids so near in age to each other. Good luck and may God be with you in the months and years ahead.
245113
wow.  I can't believe you would separate yourself from your kid.  I want to be around my kids all the time.  Sounds like you are being selfish.  You must see your kids as being too much work, so you send them off half way around the world.  Maybe you shouldn't breed anymore.  Save the little love you have left for the 18 month old.
423586
I don't know what your troubles were but they sound pretty bad.  We support you and your great positive attitude.  I lost alot of loved ones in my family including my nephew when he was just 15.   I know what you are saying and thank God every day that I and my children are alive to share another day together.  God bless you!