i have asked this question a few times but i am still unsure. i met my best friend "Ashley" a few years ago. we just clicked instantly. she understands me more than anyone else. long story short, we fell in love. i had no idea that i like girls but i do. the problem is that she is in a really bad relationship with this crazy girl. she holds the threat of suicide over her head to keep her from leaving (she actually tried one time). she says she loves me and i know she means it, and i love her. her crazy girlfriend suspected something between us and had forbidden her to talk to me. after many months of no contact i called her and she calls me. i am just so confused because she says that she has wanted to end it with her girlfriend for months, but she is scared. i want to forget about her but i can't. she never physically cheated on her gf with me so i know she is a honest, trustworthy person, and i just want her leave her horrible relationship. how should i handle this?
202367
Well, if she won't leave her crazy girlfriend then its because she needs some help herself. OR okay, she can be scared that her g/f will try and kill herself (again). Bottom line, that girl is controling your friends life and its a very bad situation. Tell your friend to seek professional advice on how to get out of that relationship. She is being emotionally abused and needs to get out ASAP. Tell your girlfriend to call a hotline, get advice on how to leave and then just be there for her during the transition and so forth. IF your friend refuses to try harder and at least another month goes by then yes, move on. It may be very hard but at this rate its not fair to you. Good luck!
353038
it happened to me. I never talked to my former friend who told me his feelings. This happens most of the times. I think the problem is the girl starts to feel uncomfortable with you. Of course she knows that you treat her more than a friend. I think you should try to treat her like the way you treat your friends, if you want your friendship. If you want her love, then court her. Never let your fears block your way. Besides, also give her time ti think and a little more space.. Good luck!
416039
Yeah darlin' it sounds like you're feelings are stronger than his at this point, sorry.From his point: I think it's hard to be best friends w/ a member of the opposite sex when you're  involved with someone. He may feel like he's betraying her. She may be putting some sort of pressure or negative input. \nAbout you  feeling "used" when he comes back after their break up... (which BTW their future break up is 99.9% probabable, statistically)..though I do see your point,  if you understand human nature, and as you get older you'll see this same thing again and again, very common, because people change, life is change. Change can be difficult, especially in relationships. \nNow as for numbering your friends in a ranking system, and should you call him this lable or that lable... I think once you guys can get past that "disastrous system" and began to see all the people that you really enjoy being around as your "closest friends" without the number/lable system, I believe there will be a lot less hurt feelings and heartache between all of you. Not saying we didn't do the same exact thing when I was your age,and it sucked being  #2,3 or 4 then, just as it does now. But since I did survive my teen years, I want to share that with you! My advice to you is to be the best friend that you feel comfortable with being to him, and her, without crossing the boundaries and getting into their "relationship space". He's your friend, she's your friend until either of them stops being what you consider to be a friend, at which time they are no longer a friend...\nMeanwhile use YOUR energy on YOU not him!  Good luck girl...
248213
:) hmm, a tough question, this one. I can't really say that she is supposed to leave her boyfriend because of you, or, that it is wrong for her to do so when she does love you and have no more feelings for her boyfriend.\n\nHowever, you have only known her for a little while. Don't you think you might just be expecting overly by speculating that she might consider ending her current relationship with her boyfriend?\n\nI only suggested that you should tell her how you felt about her as I know she will respect your determination/courage to let her know. Frankly, I didn't expect that your feeling towards her was strong enough to the point of contemplating whether or not she wants to be with you in the end.\n\nI don't really approve of this but who am I to judge since this is between you and her. No one can guarantee the outcome of both of your future. There's also a possibility after the both of you declare as couples, once you are apart, this sort of thing might happen again and she would leave you for another guy. First of all, imagine you're in the boyfriend's shoe; how would you feel if your girl left you for a guy whom she'd met only few months back?\n\nOn the other hand, it is her choice really, if she does sincerely loves you and her feelings towards her boyfriend is a thing of the past. I believe she is matured enough to think for her own good.\n\nBy the way, don't pressure her to choose between her boyfriend and you. It won't seem fair to anyone.\n\nI hope it helps.
93216
Oh wow, tough situation. It would help a little with these type of questions if people told how old they are. If you all are adutls though, just let her know how you feel. Also your best friend doesn't sound like too good of a friend if you even think he might say yes. But then again, maybe he doesn't know how you really feel about her? You should tell him. Real friends wouldn't do things to hurt others. Also, maybe you acted all cool or whatever when you broke up so she thinks you won't care? Honesty and straight-forward communication is always the best policy in every relationship. If she doesn't love you back that's rough but at least you can try to move on. It's a fact of life that at some point we will probably like someone who doesn't like us back and vice versa. It's not pleasant but it's also a good reminder to treat others how you want to be treated...karma can come back and bite you in the butt!
82918
stop thinking this ............you will loos eyour best friend as well as the girl friend .........keep your emotion for time being withing and wenever they broke off ......propose her
284015
I'm in an identical situation only i am a guy. And the guys in your story are girls in mine. I'm not gay. Just wait it out and eventually they will break up. However you need to know what your best friend would do if you were to go out with her ex. If she was really your best friend, she would understand and she would let you go out with him-but come on thats never gonna happen. You need to find out who you like more, this guy, or your friend. It sound to me that he sorta like you, and if your friend knows he flirts with you, and shes not jealous shes\n- in it because the guy is popular\n- is a whore that just wants to sleep with her boyfriend until she is bored\n- is trying to tell herself shes being uptight\nYou need to know if he likes you before you do anything about your friend. Ask one of his friends or a brother or sister of his. It will be hard, but if you loose a friend, how good of a friend is she?\nP.S. Do not go out with this guy directly when he breaks up with your friend. She wont like that, and he wont think your much of a friend. Wait at least two weeks, by then your friend should be interested in some other guy.
201969
i have been dating one of my bestfriends ex-boyfriend, and weve been together for 3 years, we also plan on getting married. You cant help the person you fall in love with, and who are you to stop something that could be one of the best things that could happen for your best freind? if she really is your best friend then treat her as such dont let something like that bring your friendship down. let them try and see if it wroks out for them, if it does just be glad she found something a lot of people dont get the chance to, and if it doesnt work dont give an i told you so, compfort her as you would if you didnt know the guy. Keep smiling and find you someone who you can have fun with a be real with.
131429
Sorry to say it, but she's gone and you need to let her go.  No girl would ever get with a guy's best friend if she has ANY intention of ever getting back together with that guy.  Plus, why would you want her back after she did that to you?  You'd never be able to put it out of you head.
547262
It is better that she knows now what he is really like.  If he really did love her he would have never cheated on her.  The only thing I know that you can do for sure is to offer moral support, and try to keep her mind off of what just went down.  But be sure you don't get in the middle of things.  I know that you don't want her to get her feelings hurt but I am telling you that if you get too involved in this situation you will live to regret it.  You might even get blamed for some of the things that happened even though you didn't have anything to do with it.  I know from personal experience from my best friend and then I said some bad things about someone who is now his wife.  A really has created a real burden and hardship on our friendship and we have been friends for a long long time.  So just give her all the support that you can and try just to listen to her but if she asked for some advice be really careful on what you might say because it might backfire.
536336
yea thats deep, but she obviously loves this guy, and u have to think about whats best for her, and apparently she thinks this is best, just try and get over her. If it was meant to be between ya'll then it will happen regardless. but i wouldn't tell her because that would make her feel uncomfortbale and maybe get u in a fight with the b/f. there are plenty of other girls that will be just like her. trust me!
111019
If this is your best female friend, its hard to believe that you havent been 'out' already. Thats what best friends do..... Surely by now you have a relationship that is based on mutual trust and understanding. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Keep it low key and make sure that she understands that you are cool with whatever response comes your way. If you cant handle the answer then its best you move on anyhow. Best friends trust each other with their emotions - this one should be no different. You'd kick yourself if later on you discovered she was thinking the same as you but neither of you had the hutzpah to speak up. Carpe Diem - seize the day!
317757
wow that's a tough one, i personally think she should b off limits, that's a real low thing 2 do your friend, especially your best friend, i think i would flip if that were 2 happen 2 me, i would never talk 2 either of u, but i guess if u both feel 4 eachother than u have 2 follw your heart, love is very powerful, think very hard b4 u make your decision, is she worth losing your best friend, there's a reason y u guys r best friends, that's because he can trust u, that's y he see's u as a brother, follow your heart man, it will lead u in the right direction.
625635
well there is no doubt that if she is really messing with this guy, she doesnt deserve your friendship, so 4get about her because she is not being loyal and sincere. but most importantly, forget about the guy! i cant believe he is doing this with your bestfriend when he knows you like him!
43082
answer to ur original question-no it's not bad n it doesn't make u abad person..UR HUMAN!!\nif i was u ....i wuld tel her,but also at the same time make sure that she understands that ur not trying to pressure her to fall in love with u too just cos she's ur bestfriend.u really shouldn't b expecting her to feel the same way if she doesn't...U SHUD JUST TELL HER FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT U CULD B CONTENT AFTERWARDS AS SHE WULD KNOW HOW U REALLY FEEL FOR HER...good luck!!
406578
Girl are you serious? For one, if he really cared for you, he would not have started dating someone that you call your best friend. If she was your friend, she would not have started dating someone that you were with and still have feelings for. If I were you, I would take the advice he gave you (which is telling you that he does not want you for a relationship, just something to fall back on) and date other people and just leave him the hell alone and her too. Do not put yourself in the position to be hurt, take control of your feelings, have pride and some respect for yourself. What makes you think a real man would want someone who is going to be their dummy, and wait for them to finish messing around with some other girl? He is making a fool of you, and it is time you get a back bone and swallow that so called love you have for him.\n\nI really do not think what you have is love any ways, I think you are just infatuated with him and its gotten stronger because now he has become a challenge since you can not have him when you want him. Girl it is so many other fine ass men out here and who could be better that what he is, that will love every step you take. Do not wait around for someone to approve you loving them and them loving you. He is not sorry for hurting you, he is just plan sorry!
240655
Brickjacks, listen to yourself. You sound as if you're hoping for the impossible; holding onto dear life just because you are not sure how does she feels about you, whether or not she wants to be with you and if she's just toying around with your feelings. Have you already asked her what she thinks of you? Have you told her how you feel about her?\n\nI really can't tell you what she's trying to do or how you should handle this situation and neither can anyone out there who answers your question because quite frankly, we don't know her. She might be a social butterfly or maybe she's a saint after all.\n\nMy opinion, you should have already confronted her by now. The more you stall your feelings for her the more confused you'll get from her reactions and advances.\n\nTake this opportunity to get to know her better. Since you're going out with her, you'll get to see what she's like. Don't stress yourself with impossible questions (i.e. Does she wants to see what kind of person I am before she decides to dump her boyfriend and be with me?)\n\nYou're not some "thing" that could be analyzed and be taken for granted. You're not some low grade ketchup/sauce that needs to be compared with another to determine which of the two taste good. You're a human, you have feelings and you know yourself better.\n\nShow her who you really are TODAY/NOW and if she shows the slightest indication of her being the malicious girl everyone (well, almost everyone) in Y! Answers been telling you, leave her. Just be her friend. She's not worth your aggravation.