my mom treats me like i'm 12 instead of 20. i have 2 kids, a full-time job, and i go to school. But when i mention anything about doing something that i want to do, such as getting a tattoo or going out with friends ( only when my children go to thier dad's), she hits the roof and talks down to me, saying stuff like " you're not 21 yet so no way". How can i tell her to get off my case w/o hurting her feelings and widening the gap?
207006
Since she is saying you can't go out, I'm assuming you still live with her. I'd say what you need to do is move out. Two kids, a FT job and school is a pretty big amount of responsibility, yes, but if you're relying on her heavily as unpaid daycare and free rent, she will be able to continue to lord it over you and with a certain amount of justification.\n\nYou're sorta in a position where you've gotta pick your battles. You can attempt to sit down with her and have a mature conversation about how far you've come and what your future plans are, and that you do have a lot of responsibility, and you need time out with your friends to wind down now and then. I personally would either skip the tattoo for now - make it something that will be a 21st birthday present to yourself.\n\non the other hand, if i'm right that she is providing room, meals, and/or daycare to you free, you really AREN'T being a full-fledged adult. My advice to you is to move out and BE a grown up for real. I can tell you from personal experience that ANYONE can figure out a way to make this happen. find low-income housing, check in with WIC for help on some expenses, get the kids' dad to provide some support, etc. there are tons of resources out there if you look. To be a real adult you MAY have to go on welfare for a while, you may have to live in a much different type of situation than you are used to, but you'll be truly independent and self-sufficient. plus if you are no longer a dependent on your mother, she can't claim you on her taxes, which means you'll be totally seperate from you and you can start applying for need-based financial aid for school.\n\nNow, all this said, maybe you already are living on your own, she isn't babysitting or doing other stuff for you free, and she's just all up in your business. if that is the case, i'd just lay it on the line in no uncertain terms. i did that with my mother and we didn't talk for several months. she was furious that i would stand up to her. but i was totally on my own - she had no reason to rule my life. eventually she realized this and we're great now. and in your case, she'd probably come around sooner cause she'd miss the grandkids too. anyhow.\n\neither way, good luck. parents can be more exhausting than kids sometimes...
230906
You can do nothing from this point.  You have acted maturely enough if you honestly have asked her why she was acting this way.  \nSometimes it's best to address what is on you mind regardless of what reaction might be solicited.\nNow go about your business and no matter what she will not be able to deny you have both given her the opportunity to explain her hostility towards you.  \nShe will lash out a little more, but eventually, I believe, she will want to join your friendship and not stew over it.\nShe is still a mom and you are a woman that threaten the very fibers of her closeness with her young.  Every species has this process in it's life cycle, humans are no different.  She'll remind you of course that her bonds with her son are stronger as this is normal.  Hostility is not nor should it be tolerated by anyone much less than a close family member.  I'd like to add that if a man can defend you against his mother he will defend you against anyone.  Tough situation but I believe you'll make it through this.  Good luck.\n\nI hope this answer just changed your life.  Peace.
470726
Your mother is doing her best to make you feel so unsure of yourself that you will obey her. She, believe it or not, has good intentions. She just thinks the important thing is your obedience. She isn't really capable of teaching you anything worthwhile and has proved it. Try to avoid conflict with her while doing what feels right to you. If she gets in your face too often, just refuse to talk to her. \n\nIt would be good if you could print out the page with this question and answers and leave it around where she would find it.
402526
your mom is offering to help you!! she wants the best for you and is willing to do what it takes for you get treatment and life on back on track..she seems like a responsible caring woman so i would say stick with your mother even if it means getting kicked out of your house! its only because she loves you and until you figure out the consequences of your actions..then i presume she will keep doing it
262199
You have been probably too lenient and do not always do what you say you will do to punish her when she is naughty.  That is my guess...At 11, children are beginning to test more and more boundaries with adults.  As her mother, if you are weak, she will learn that quickly and use it to HER advantage.  If you keep letting her be that way, she will continue to get worse.  Basically, she has no respect for you, more than likely.  You have to be make her REALIZE that YOU have the AUTHORITY...the upper hand.  She's a child, she does NOT know more than you, but if you keep letting her think so, she will keep walking all over you.  Before long, you will have NO control and MORE problems.  \nI suggest speaking to a therapist or counselor.  You can get counseling anywhere for free if you can not pay.  Ask you local  social services dept, a school representative, your doctor, someone at a church, the phone book has blue colored pages called "The Blue Pages" or "Government Pages" where you will find this kind of information.  Any one of these places, in your city or town or village, or county, can get you the help you need.\nGood luck...bad kids are not born, they are made.
5068
She's your mom. If she hasn't let go at this point, she probably won't. Make sure she knows you love her, then do what you have to do. She'll get over it. Moms are like that.
540933
Hi, sorry to be sneaky but I looked at your other questions and if you will permit an old fogey to offer a little well-meant advice, it's this.  23 may feel it but you are not old enough yet to use phrases like 'I'm not getting any younger'.  Also, take the mystical bit out of it and remember 'render unto Caesar that which is his'.  In other words, it is your parents house so while you stay there it is reasonable for them to expect you to 'toe the line' just as long as it is a reasonable line.  Try and chill out and look at things slightly differently.  You do not have to rush into anything as long as you feel able to compromise so what's the rush?  If you really feel your step-dad is being a jerk then make your mind up to go and be sweet and well-mannered while you plan to go your own way.  In the end he will be the loser and you have a life of your own to live so live it.  You decide when where and how, the only price you have to pay for that is just words.  My youngest daughter has been in Nurse training for two years and absolutely loves it. I think you will be fine when your time comes and you alone will know when that is.  Good Luck, will think of you.
311712
no your mother doesn't hate you! moms are just people and sometimes they make mistakes, but its not your place to tell her that she is wrong, she's the mom. often times if you want to be heard you have to make sure you are 'presenting your case' in a reasonable and respectful manner, even if what you are saying makes sense nobody is going to hear you if you are ranting and raving, i'm not saying that you are just letting you know. when you are both calm and reasonable tell her you'd like to talk to her, think about what you will say beforehand and stay calm.
625675
she probably REALLY doesnt get everything she wants, but it probably does SEEM that way to you... if she drives you crazy, it might be because she is trying so hard  to be like you... you are her role model.....\n\nthe big thing to remember is that you are almost twice her age... she still needs alot of attention from you, mom and dad and family, whereas you probably seek most of the attention you need from friends and from family too....\nusually when you feel like a younger sibling is spoiled or bratty you really feel like they get all the attention and your left to your own devices...so to speak...\nthink about it...... and think about this too..... ask yourself, what can I do  to make things better? even though you might wanna knock her socks off sometimes, when you see her being bratty ask yourself why is she doing this...what does she need? who does she need it from.... chances are she is looking for attention, wanting to be noticed, admired, wanting feedback telling her that she is ok....  just like her big sister..  :)  \nthen ask yourself, what can i do to help her get what she needs?\nis she is just being bratty to spite you, then you need to ask yourself why does she want to do that.. what have you said, or done to make her feel like she has to do that....  \nif you cant see where you had anything to do with her behavior, then its time to go talk to mom.....\ntell mom your thoughts and observations, and see if mom sees what you see... then mom will probably handle the situation, or tell you what you arent seeing....\njust remember first and foremost.... bratty kids are usually just showing out because they need attention that they dont feel like they are getting.... and being only 9 she doesnt know how to say what she needs..... which only adds to her frustration.... \ntry it and see what happens..
35480
Easy. Grow a pair of balls and tell her that she has 90 days to move out unless she pays rent. Tell here that when her 90days are up she will either pay the rent or you will throw her stuff out in the yard. \n\nIf she doesnt pay throw all of her stuff in the front yard and change the locks. \n\nIf you threaten her but do not follow through with it she will never respect you. \n\nBTW I am 25 maried w/ kids of my own. (Notice I can see it from her perspective as far as age is concerned and yours as far as a parents perspective is concerned
631214
I know how you feel..\nI have 4 younger siblings and I can barely ever find a time and place to talk to my mom just the two of us.\nOne thing that works for me...\nWhen your mom is driving you to or from an activity or school and your siblings are not in the car is a great time to talk to her. I am always telling my mom about things that are going on in my life on my way back from school. Sometimes we even sit in the car for a few extra minutes after we have already gotten home- just to talk.\nYou should not have to sned your mom an email or letter to let her know you want to talk. Just start talking! If you tell her exactly what you are wanting to talk about, I'm sure she wouldn't mind sitting down with you sometime and tell you all you need to know.\nAnd if you have already told her and she hasn't shown any intrest in talking to you about it alone, then maybe she is avoiding the subject because she doesn't know how to talk to you about it. \nGood Luck
584505
Gee, my mom is 80 or so, and I have similar problems. The only thing that has helped me is reading the Crankshaft Cartoon in the newspaper. Seeing that the problem is not unique to my circumstance has enabled me to find some humor in it. \n\nI think perhaps we can learnhow to be patient and not become hateful or angry by having to deal with these situations. I purpose in my heart not to expect my mom to do what I consider logical, or best for her, and condition myself to drop down into the "peace that passes understanding" whenever she refuses to keep track of her holdings. Sometimes it doesn't work, but I am worse off when I allow myself to get upset. \n\nI have started to clean up my own affairs so that I don't do this to my own son as I age. Why, just a few weeks ago, I actually gave away 4 books! (lol) It seems really difficult to fight the process of becoming my mom.
551845
Hey, get a grip if you are thirty-two then you are old enough to know that when the time comes she'll tell you. But, be an adult, not a spoiled kid obviously she's lived with it all this time and there may or may not be something she doesn't want you to know just now. It doesn't change anything between you and your grandfather, apparently it didn't make any difference to him! Give your mom time and get on with your life, don't let it define you life!
573897
The first thing you should do is consider that she is feeling out of place with you and your mom.  She's trying usurp your place with your mom, instead of making her own.\nDo your best to ignore her digs.  Talk to your mom.  Maybe all she needs is your mom to assure her that she loves both of you.
579917
WOW!!!  Well, the sad thing about the son is that at 24, he's already been affected by her craziness.  Children begin getting affected by these neuroic behaviors at around age 2!!!  The fact that he still lives at home suggests she's been very controlling and he just doesn't have the confidence to move out and be on his own.  First and foremost, get him to move out ASAP.  He needs to see what life is like with normal, healthy people.\n\nCan you have her commited?  You should but you can't.  Unless she's harming people physically.\n\nThis is very frustrating though , I sympathize with you.   I would not answer  your phone anytime the caller ID doesn't come out,  If they want to talk to you, they'll leave a message.  Just do this for a while and she will get tired of getting your VM, she'll get sick of calling.  She is obviously beyond desparate for attention.  \n\nWow, I'm curioius as to what your parents are like and how you ended up with such a loony toone for a sister!!!!! You seem very grounded~
214922
I don't have children, but I remember doing similar things to my mother at that age. Try explaining to her why you don't want to or cant take her everywhere all the time. Explain to her how much gas cost for example and how much you normally have to spend on that. Teenagers understand more about money than most people think. Tell them exactly how many hours or the time frame that you had to work just to make the money for what a tank of gas cost. I think taking away privileges like phones and tv are a bit harsh for wanting a ride. Try working out a solution like the friends parents taking turns giving the rides. But if the chaos continues with the arguing tell her for every time that she argues with you for saying no that's one week of not visiting that friend. She might decide that once or twice a week is better than nothing at all.
624059
yeah sure it looks that way. just don't jump the gun and get mad at your mom. this could all be unavoidable. just tell her you really want to come up and for her to not make any plans to prevent your visit. If she still continues to have excuses...i dunno, try talking to your dad about it. maybe he'll talk to your mom about the way it's affecting you.