Part A. I've been apart from my ex for about a year we never got a devorce and i've started a new family and we were talking about sighing paper for the devorce and she died last week.  \nPart B. Now my girlfriend now is beeing weird about the whole thing and not talking to me and beeing distant
209807
First of all, I'm no saint but I think it was wrong of you to have two situations going on at the same time. You didn't say you had children by your wife? Hopefully not.\n\n   I'll hope you feel some regret? I'll hope you feel SOMETHING with regard to the death of your wife.\n\n   You don't define weird,,,no offense meant, but that might make it easier to understand part B?\n\n   Perhaps your girlfreind FEELS more than you do with regard to your wifes death,,,perhaps even some level of guilt? Maybe she is going through a grief process you may not be going through? I suspect if you show some respect, and patience, she will communicate her feelings,and hopefully you can resolve all the issues, move on, and enjoy your new family.\n\n   Good luck.\n\nRev. Steven
431891
Never heard that one before, but I can present some scenarios...\n\n1) Person A does not get promotion that they believed they deserved. Person A is angry, and says... "I'm SO mad... Person B should not have gotten that job... that really BUTTERS MY MUFFIN!!!" (translation: I am so MAD!!!)\n\n2) Person A (different guy) gets flowers from his girlfriend (Peron B). He says: "Oh, I love her SO much... her thoughtfulness really BUTTERS MY MUFFIN!!!" (translation: I am so HAPPY!!!)\n\n3) Person A (different guy again) sees a very attractive woman in a bar (Person B). She is very sexy. Person A says, "Man, she's hot... I'd like to BUTTER HER MUFFIN." (translation: I would like to have se*x with her, enabling my ejaculate to provide lubrication to her southern genitalia)\n\n4) Opposite of scenario 3... A woman (Person A) looks at an attractive man (Person B) and says.... : "He is so hot. He can BUTTER MY MUFFIN anytime." (translation: See scenario 3)\n\nBest Wishes!
102790
Dear Chery:\n\nI am sad that we have not spoken in such a long time.  I miss your company and your wit. \n\nI was hurt when you lied to me, and I may have over-reacted.  Whatever hard feeling we have, I wish we could put behind us because I value yur friendhsip too much to lose it.\n\nPleae let me know if you can overlook our differences and get back to being the friends we once were.\n\nIf you cannot forgive me, then at least stop sending me e-mails, because it just makes me hurt more.  \n\nAnd if that doesn't work, write to her and tell her she sucks. And the only reason you wanted to make up is that you wanted to put her in your will, but too late now.
661081
My b-friend and his ex talked the whole first year him and I were together.  She too broke up with him and I knew she really hurt him.  It drove me crazy too.  1)  I had to decide if I trusted my b-friend or not.  If I didn't trust him then I shouldn't b with him.  \n2) If the two of them ended up together then him and I weren't meant to be.  \nWe've been together for a little over a year, the ex has faded quickly.  Just hang in there, she's an ex for a reason.
613083
For 90% of them, a shrug would suffice.  That leaves 3:\n\n1. That's what you get for being a ho, \nthough I can't really say that I told you so.\nYou could have chose love instead of money, \nbut now you're knocked up by a loser, honey.\n\n2. I wish we had met at another time and under better circumstances.  We were so right for each other at the wrong time.  I wish I could have gone to church with you.  Maybe I wouldn't have lost faith like I did... Or maybe it was inevitable.\n\n3. Even if it could never have worked out, I don't regret loving you.  I guess that's what made leaving so difficult and why I got so screwed up afterwards.  That's the part I regret.  A part of me died when I had to say goodbye and I don't know if it will ever come back.
535707
So sorry to hear about your daughter, she was obviously very special to you, that is very spooky isn't it, lots of spooky things have happened to me, on the day of my moms funeral a lady who I have never met before came to speak to me outside the chapel of rest, she told me she remembered me when I was a little girl, she spoke really kindly of my mom too, later I asked my sister who that lady was and she said she hadn't seen her, I started asking other people and no one had seen this lady or knew who she was, I spoke to one of my aunts about this lady and said but someone must have seen her she had a really distinct hat on, but no one had, later that day some old photos were brought out and I spotted the lady I had spoken to outside the chapel of rest amongst those photos and she had the same distinct hat on, I was so glad and said to my aunt see there she is, that's the lady I spoke to, my aunt told me it was impossible as she was my grandmas sister who had actually died when I was 3 years old and coincidentally the date of her death was the same date of my moms funeral, that did spook me big time.
422212
yeah, there are too many to pick. The one's that are six run-on sentences long about some kind of stupid relationship dilemma involving mom, my best friend, my current boyfriend and my ex boyfriend. What should I do? He says this but she says that...\nthey really should have spell check on here though. I'm afrain youngsters don't know how to read or write properly anymore, and I could use it every once in a while.
587301
I woke my wife up one morning with a shrug on her shoulder as we both lay  in bed.  She asked me if I was going to speak to her that morning.  She was referring to my ability to shut down from angst and misery, both what I consider a byproduct of poor choices, and my inability to admit It wasn't for me.  She was right.  Snide, but right.  It was a long time since we spoke.  You'd think we had been asleep for years.\nBut I did answer her.  \nI said, yes I am, I'm leaving. \nI said, I'm miserable can't you tell.  Do I even remotely resemble the man you first met?  You deserve to be wanted, not just a compromise.  \nThat was Eight years ago and we are very close friends.  Oh, she is still a bitch, just somebody elses.  I am happy.  She is too.\n\nI hope this answer just changed a life.  Peace.
484520
1. I can only imagine what you sound like in person.\n2. You don't owe me an apology for leaving early.\n3. The hurricane relief has been going well.\n4. It has been a pleasure to meet you.\n5. I haven't seen Sue since last week.\n6. Sarah plays a musical instrument.
472906
1) No\n2) No\n3) I feel like sh*t\n4) Not a friend at all
647506
From: sad1986 \n\nSubject: hey \n\nMessage: hey dick head, i never said i a HEARED the heartbeat, I SAW IT\ni feel bad, u are a pathetic piece of **** and no one loves u.\ngo **** yourself.\n\nu have been reported and ignored ***** licker \n\n\nThis is what this person sent me.....she must be a lovely girl and her parents so very proud
459964
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.\nWell, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."\n\nI said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"\n\nSo she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... \n"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."\n\nShe responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"\n\nRealizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. \nThe very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."\nWe went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. \n\nI started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.\n\nI think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.\n\nSmiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."\n\nI could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."\nHer face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,\n\n"WHAT?"\n\nI then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. \nYou're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."\n\nAnd just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"\n\nApparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b i a t c h knows I'm smarter than her
306953
Awww...that is so sad. It reminds of my relationship with my sister. She is also older than me. It's about a year and a half older...Seriously, we do and don't get along. It's not like one of those sibling love and hate conflicts, where we would just fight occasionaly. It's similar to yours, too, but it's not like we hate each other guts. Though we bicker and argue pretty much every day, even on the small and petty things. And when we're like really angry (which can happen like every now...ish^^)...we like literally fight and call each other names. Like when we were younger, like around the age of six-seven ish, there was this time when she pushed me off the stairs (O.o)...and another time where she poked me near the eye with a pen. Now I have a small bump on my forehead and a dot near my eye...She is a violent one, like a bull she is....Anyway, now I'm getting off subject, even after all we do, from arguements and fights, I still actually do love her. Once in a while, we have these heart-to-heart talks, but we do and really don't know each other at all. We just get out of each other's way...most of the times at least^^...Ok, enough with my story. Hmm, well you could act out a suicide attempt- like if she hates you so much and wishes you were dead, just be like, "FINE", you want me dead. Then stomp off to the kitchen, pull out a knife, make sure she follows you and sees you. She should have a heart, and be like, what the hell are you doing or something. Then like just tell her, whilst crying, about all your problems with her and you don't understand why she is being like that....Though death is not a funny matter, so you shouldn't really do that. You can always tell your parents about the situation, though your sister might hate you even more. All in all, you can just ignore her in school and home. And if she provokes you first (MAYBE that's what she wants and is plotting) then just be like yea, I know, whatever....Try doing a guilt trip on her....Gah, so yea, this post might not have helped you at all, but hope it did. ^^ Good luck with your sis.
151664
An oldie_\n\n3 sisters got married on the same day and all spent the night at their mother's home one last evening.\nThat evening after all had gone to bed the mother decided to listen at each door to see/hear what was going on.\nThe next morning the following conversation took place:\n\nMother to the first daughter:\n"darling I went by your room and all I heard was screaming, what happened to make you scream?"\n1st daughter to  mother:\n"well it was my first time mom and it hurt, that is why I was screaming"\n\nMother to the second daughter:\n"and you, all I heard was laughter coming from your room, what happended to make you laugh?"\n2nd daughter replies:\n"well mom, it tickled so I was laughing"\n\nMother to the third daughter:\n"YOU, I heard not a peep come out of your room, what happened for you to be so quiet?"\n2nd daugheter replies:\n"mom, you taught us not to speak with our mouths full!"\n\nLong but I hope you enjoyed.
124604
HA! HA! HA!\n"Butt-chin"!\nNever heard such a funny thing before. You are great!\n\nI don't care about her sentimental life...it's not in my business.\nAnyway...maybe they split up because she has...a butt-chin!\nYou know...butts are naturally split in two!
591881
Its really fun....I'm going through the same thing myself...my girlfriend of 2 yrs called it off 3 days ago and I'm suck in the same predicament. I absolutely can relate to you because I'm afraid that I won't ever find someone that I care and love. Not to mention she was my first girlfriend. To make it worse she tells me that she doesn't really see a future with me even though she tells me she loves me. Anyways I just want to tell you that its ok and hopefully both of us will be ok in the future. I wish you luck and I feel your pain. Oh, and the Dr. Steve answer is not fair... I'm not a teenager and I'm going through this so to say that "its a meaningless relationship" is cruel.
272230
She didn't know it was you? So she said she has a bf and that she and he are engaged? 1. It's like you said, she didn't know it was you, and she meant you and she. \n2. She was refusing to cheat.