my children live with my ex husband, i left him as i was very ill ( i have bi polar ) that was 6 years ago i built up acess weekends but my ex took advantage of me time and time again a the time i was on imit funds £54 a week i was bearly getting by, i met my new partner a year and a half ago we besided to to closer to his place of work my ex did not like this and stopped all my access that was 9 months ago now i've still sent my children on birthdays christmas i've tried to ring and write them letters but he blocks me everytime my own mother stands by him as my sister is extremely close to my ex. i am unsure what my rights are as i have in the past had a drink problem but have been sober for a year now, i have self harmed but that was a while ago i have just last month attempted an overdose, but i have never ever hurt or exposed my children to any of this, child protection have never been involved and my consultant and mental health nurse are wiling to support me through this.
212606
This is a family court issue. Go see your solicitor (first times free so you can decide on wot to do), the overdose last month may not help your cause but if you can prove you have sorted your drink problem out it will really help. I went through similar last year with my ex girlfriend and my son. You should be able to get legal aid if you arent working or at least a payment towards the costs. \n\njust added: wotever you do, do not make any contact with your ex or kids.. the solicitor will do all that thru the post and be prepared to have your ex use every trick in the book to make you out as a bad mother.\n\nTake no notice of him, be calm and polite at all times and go for it!!\n\nGood Luck
627551
Wow, they should be gracious to still have you. Why don't you all work together and help eachother out? Why all this seperation? A family is supposed to be a team, and there is no "I" in team. I would suggest that you all get counseling honestly...before it does kill you. Get help, all of you.
476856
I used to babysit for this couple who had six children. Four of the children were adopted, the sister decided to get rid of them one night and called DCF to take them away. The sister/couple adopted them. Anyways, the younger boy was born addicted to cocain. His mother was an avid user and the night she decided to get rid of her kids was because she needed a sitter to go out! That was 10 years ago. The boy who was born cocain addicted has been in and out of the psychiatric hospital 4 times now and is currently in there again waiting for an accute place to open up, 6 to 9 month minium. He suffers from PTSD, ADD and uncontrollable behavior. He can be the sweetest child in the world and then he snaps! He is on meds and has been since 2. He has taken adderal, lexipro, lithium, so many I forget. He has had trouble in school and at home. He recently took a knife to the school football game with intentions of stabbing his older brother. He is violent towards his siblins and his aunt. He has hurt and attacked all of them in some way. He is quite intelligent but has problems with his thought process. He is 10 years old! His psychologist does not think that he can survive in a normal setting. When he was little, I would have to sit behind him and hold his arms and legs tight because he would slam his head and body against walls and floors. As for the other kids/his siblins. Three out of the four have needed psychiartric help and were on meds too. They were not born cocain addicted as far as we know BUT they grew up with it in the home, grew up areound constant violence, seeing dad beat mom up and put her in the hospital. The oldest boy of the four had to grow up quick as did his sister. They took on the parenting role immedietly. Grew up too quick! The oldest has been in jail twice now and was also hospitalized for depression, cutting and drugs. He has been abusive towards his siblins and lies all the time. He is now 18! I ahve to tell you, this is probably not what you needed but the fact is that an addicted parent most definetly has addicted children in one way or another. Nothing good comes from drugs. I still have contact with this family, mainly the kids and it breaks my heart what they have and still are going through. Good luck with your paper! Oh and btw, every program like, dcf, i-caps and therapists have been in the home and still are. It never ends!
462374
after all you and your family has done for him and he does this sounds like there is no respect for himself or for his family. He is a adult and he knew the consquences before he took his actions and now he must deal with them. There is no such thing as accidently sleeping or being with someone else while you are married. With him abusing you and then cheating on you and you already having one child and one on the way all you can do is make a grown decision and ask yourself do you want to raise your children to see this? I was in a relationship many years ago just like that and really loved my ex husband however 5 years of the physical abuse and the drinking and cheating was enough I finally got out. It does hurt but you have to be strong if he did it once and you take him back ask yourself will you ever be able to let it go and forget it? Will the relationship be the same? will he do it again? will you have to live your life constantly asking yourself is he out there cheating again? Do you want to deal with that? I know it hurts but why put yourself through it again? You may never get over him I know i have been married to my husband now for 13 years and still once in a while think of my ex husband but am very happy with who i got and where i am in life. So only you can make your decisions and have to live with them and only we online can give opinions so from experience my opinion would be you have been seperated for a while and i would suggest stay away and get a divorce I would not want to raise children thinking it was ok to cheat on someone you love or raise your daughter to be tolerant of someone treating her like that so plain and simple ask yourself this if it was your daughter and she was going through this kind of suituation what would you want her to do?? Good Luck and God Bless
224137
You probably need to be speaking to your lawyer about this. He can guide you in your options and how best you can help your child. You child shouldn't be used as a meal ticket by your ex. That's just wrong.
579131
I have joint custody of my son also.  My Ex is primary and I'm secondary.  In the settlement, I get my son every weekend.  I should have also put in there that I get him during my vacations.  This would have made it so that he spend over 105 nights a year with me.  If I had done that, then child support would have been cut and I would also get to claim him in my taxes.  The funny thing is that my son does go with me on vacations but it isn't in the papers so I'd have to refile the child support and who knows what would happen then.  So I figure it's better just to leave it alone.
205792
I know exactly what you are going through!  I've been married to an alcoholic for the past 23 years.  He has always worked and provided for us.  We have two children, one who is grown already(22) and a son who is 13.  You need to sit with him and have a heart to heart talk with him, when he is not drinking (that's very important).  He sounds like a good man with a problem, just like my husband.  If you continue to let this go, even though it's already affecting you, believe me, things will change and not for the better.  After so many years, our marriage has gone down the drain, he even left me for another woman for several months. (A woman that drank and partied with him, of course).  He's back home with me but it's never going to be the same, because he's still drinking even though he's detoxed several times now.  I wish you the best of luck.  And one more very important thing.  Make sure you have resources to take care of yourself and your children.  I was left without any, and I'm making sure this never, ever happens to me again.  I won't allow it.  Take charge of yourself, because if he doesn't change, it's not going to get easier.  Take it from a pro. If need be, look up an Al-Anon meeting in your area.  They are very good in making you realize ways you can help yourself.  If anything do this for your kids.  Even though they may be mentally challenged and he doesn't drink around them, doesn't mean it's not going to affect them.  They are still young, but they won't be for long.  And if this affects you, it will definitely affect them.  Children have a sense of when their mommy is not happy.  Believe me.
530044
What a great question!  You have a way with words as you describe the situation that you're facing so well.  I couldn't have done it better myself.\n\nI'm 26 yrs old and have been diagnosed with BPII/BPD and have have major substance abuse problems.\n\nI can completely relate as I've been struggling with the same issue with my father and I appreciate you sharing this with us.  \n\nIt's difficult to have other people see you while you're dysphoric and at your weakest.  This is a time where you expect compassion and when you're parents don't only fail your expectations, but go completely against them, it can be very hurtful.\n\nWhen things blew up with me, I got my a$$ handed to me by my folkes, because my behavior was simply wearing them out.  With the drugs, the police, the hospital visits, I was becomming a huge source of stress and anxiety for them.  They never took the time to understand.  That made things a lot worse for me, I was sad to be in the house, but didn't have any where else to go at the time.\n\nI knew I needed help and I didn't want to be complacent, so I reserached treatment options myself, they wouldn't lift a finger.  The dynamic in the house was as if everyone was walking on eggshells.  It was very uncomfortable.  I was very hurt that I couldn't get the support I needed and built a very strong resentment towards them, I was ready to write them off.\n\nThe emotional pain and quality of living was getting worse, so I had to do something.  I reconnected with my Psychiatrist, got my meds straitened out and began attending Pyschotherapy, support groups and getting support from people outside my family.  For the last three months, I've worked really hard in regaining stregth and my sense of self and it's done wonders for me.\n\nJust recently, my father was talking to me about his best friends daughter, who is suffering with mental disorders and receiving therapy.  He went on to say, that she was extremely needy and fucI(ed in the head - which was his way of taking a shot at me, as he is fully aware I'm going through the same thing.  Next, he talked about quitting smoking and I told him about Zyban, he said that his mind is strong enough to quit addiction without meds - ohhhhh another shot to your son who is in recovery, taking meds no less.   A few months ago, I would have left the room in a fit or put him in his place right then and there.  \n\nSince I leveled my moods out and get support outside the house, I was feeling really good about myself and sat there calm and collected.  I thought about how I was going to respond, I know that he's old school, he didn't grow up in the information age, he thinks psychiatry is a pseudo science and associates looks at it with the stereotypical stigma attached to it.  I also thought that this was his house and I'm not going to lash out and cause any trouble.  That was the last thing I needed amongst the scheme of things.\n\nI responded quite calmly, "Why do you think she's needy?  Do you think she's faking it or that she's using it as an excuse for attention?"  He didn't respond with any logical type of answer and changed the subject, but I stuck with it.  Then I asked him, "I'm under intensive psychotherapy right now and take meds and it's helped me a great deal.  Do you think I'm needy as well?"  He said no, he actually said he noticed a difference in my behaviors and he was proud of me and knew that I was working hard to get better.\n\nI think he feels really guilty inside for going off on me.  I think deep down inside he was scared and didn't know how to deal with me.  I think my parents paniced and saw flaws in me that live inside them and their natural defense mechanism is to take it out on me.  It's the age old habit of self loathing.\n\n I'm still not over it and he knows that and I can see it in his eyes that he was sorry about what he&
134847
Yes!  Your first priority should be to your kids.  They aren't safe with your husband and you need to get them away now.  Call legal aid or see if you make payments to a lawyer.  Or see if in your state you can file on your own.  Make sure you have proof of whatever accusations you are going to bring up in court.  Document everything, it will help you later on.  Also depending on the ages of the kids, I would ask for supervised visitation due to him still talking to the perp.
555723
I have 3 kids by my ex and he went off to Australia with his new wife. He stopped paying and I am fighting him in court (at great cost to myself) but now he wants to see his kids for 4 weeks this Christmas. I KNOW your feelings totally. But you have to carry the burden because children are better off if they have a relationship with their dads. Just dont compete. When they get older they will realise what went on. But equally dont put up with their lippyness. Dont let it go on. Make your ex look after them sometimes so you have some time to yourself. And get on with your own life. Your boys need a possitive male rolemodel in their life (your dad, or a brother or a new husband) Get on, get your life back into shape and make some time for yourself. You need it and so do your boys.
528461
I don't know you and I don't know your situation, but I am sorry that you feel helpless and hopeless. Leaving is not the answer- especially with your children. If I were you I'd get help, talk to a hospital, a hotline, someone. There is help.
200387
Sounds like my dad.  He will be around for a couple months then disappear.  You have to decide how much of this you want to deal with.  I dealt for a long long time but then my father did something so unforgivable that put my children in danger and I will never as long as I live forgive him for that.  Don't let it come to this!  But be careful and watch over the ones that are close to you!
551801
If you have his first and last name do a background check on him.  You can also request temporary or joint custody of the children, I am not sure the details if you are able to get full custody of the children, but it would be a concern to the court if the mom had ex cons around her children.  Since child abuse is so common in broken home these days, you have every right to have your concerns, and I doubt you are jealous.  You do need to address your concerns with your ex, or at least speak to her parents.  I am almost sure they will agree with your concerns and will intervene as well.  \n\nI recommend you start doing that background check asap, your children's welfare should be a major concern.  Especially if he have social issues.  \n\nI worked in the legal field so what I am saying are facts and not opinions.\n\nI would also like to add to the idiot asshole who made the comment about proper sentences etc.  This is Yahoo Answers, not a English class. You don't have to have a English Major, perfect grammar, or a Degree to ask a Fudging question.  If you cannot be sincere, and use some sincerity when answering serious questions, then go get a Freaking life and play Sims or something, you idiot!  Insenstive piece of shit!
501723
>>> absolutely ... call CPS ,,, you are a great person for being so concerned about the children!!!! being a ex addict your self you know that the drug is the only thing you care about,,, her children need your help , I can understand how you wouldn't want them in foster care , but how would you feel if something terrible happened and it could have been prevented only if you had called. does she have any family besides her sister that could take the children while their mom gets her self together,, these children are in harms way!! PLEASE call the authority's,, if you don't want to do it email me with all the info and I will do it for you. ..I promise you I will help you with this,,,,,,, my sister is a fantastic foster parent and there are many foster homes out there who will give these children a good home,,,, good luck and like I said email me if you need any assistance
114390
I am in that situation right now. I had a one night stand and got pregnant, which I was told I could never have children. The guy and I got together but we weren't in love. We made our bed so we are lieing in it. It isn't our son's fault that we didn't use protection. Besides I am happy I had my son. We feel that even though we are not happy, in order for our son to be whole with a happy life, that we are sacrificing our happiness. Divorce is really hard on the children and being raised by a single parent is sometimes difficult. All my son's friends are being raised by a single parent. Most of them come to our home to eat dinner and get dessert which they don't get at home. They hang out at our house cos their parents are out on the weekends trying to find another mate. One has gone down the wrong road, the other misses home cooked meals, the other one misses his dad doing father-son things even though there is visitation. If there isn't any abuse involved, I would say stay until they are out of high school.
314847
I FEEL SO BAD! Where's the time for you? I didn't see anything for you at all. I didn't see any counseling for yourself. My fiancee has ADHD also and I know how that part of what you're going through. We're not married yet, but it's taken quite a bit to get his mom to finally accept our relationship but, your mothers treatment is UNACCEPTABLE! You ever watch the Nanny on tv? She says a childs behavior is UNACCEPTABLE quite a bit. She's not a child (which would be more Acceptable) she should be showing you more respect. You can only do what you can handle. You're first priority is to yourself and your immediate family. Meaning you, your children and your spouse. Your husband needs to stand up to the plate. (as my fiancee finally did) He needs to back you when it comes to his mother. His first priority is with you and your children. He also needs to be helping you with the children and around the house as much as possible. Even though he doesn't work, you two need to have a night out once-in-awhile by yourselves. Maybe, you can talk to your mother-in-law about a limit of times to help her and she in return watches the children for you night out. By this I mean EQUAL TIME. As far as the bills, reality isn't that your mother-in-law is going to pay the bills. First off, I don't see if you're living with your mother-in-law but, if you are that's going to be a majority of the problem. Which getting your own place would be greatly advised. There are places that can help with deposits and financial resources. In all, it makes me believe you are living with your mother-in-law and that's going to be a very hard and stressful situation. My advise is to move. Your husband may be ADHD (so is my fiancee) but, he still needs to know he is to be responsible. Write down what he needs to do and try to involve the children in all the chores. Watch "The Nanny." Or go online if you can't get that show in. She helps not only the children but, the relationship with the parents towards how to keep everything together. You're not a work horse and no one should treat you according. Good Luck!
66587
You should let Child Support Services take care of that for you. They can obtain the information legally, and you can't be held liable for anything that your ex might want to use against you. If your caseworker doesn't seem to want to help, go above her head to her boss! Trust me..ex's can be cruel! Just cover your arse! Good luck!