I had a really hard childhood, my dad was abusive, he was taken away by the police for attempting suicide, I practically raised my younger brothers... I thought I was over all of this, but last week, in my Bible study I broke down crying, I said it was my fault that my brothers had problems, my fault that I didn't tell anyone when my dad told me he would kill himself and worst of all, my fault that I said my mother was stupid and worthless when he asked me to\n\nNow, intellectually I know this was not my fault, but I have just recently  I've realised I feel guilt so a) how can I get rid of this feeling of guilt (practically) and b) could this be related to my panic attacks and depression I now deal with?
201401
What you need to do is find some local groups that you can sytart attending. Find a dr. to go to and talk things out. One thing i have my clients do, Is i have them write a letter to whom ever, using any type of language they want. Then place it in an envelope seal it then THROW IT AWAY!!!! You will be amazed on how much better it will make you feel. Find a counseling group also. Good Luck!
277650
Stop feeling sorry for yourself,hire a shrink if you need to but dont start abusing drugs or alchohol,they will not lead to happiness.You need to get right with God,and find a productive use of your time besides trying to get attention from yahoo answers.
204237
First of all lets take the judgmental statements such as wrong and weird out of the equation. They are shamming words and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You may be suffering from depression which is a common ailment these days. Depression is simply a deficiency in certain brain chemicals that produce a feeling of well being. Your family doctor can be of great help. If you do not seek the help you need your condition could worsen and produce some real tragic consequences in the long run. So, there is nothing wrong with you as a person. You are fine and you are courageous to ask the question. You simply need a little help to get you back on track.
179942
Not guilty due to mental distress. You need to come to terms with yourself and be confident in yourself in order to face your family, or just go your own way
393343
All these are intertwined, Its good that you have discussed to someone but more importantly , like most people have mentioned here; you need to seek professional help and also disclose this feeling to your near and dear one provided you trust them as many a times it can make matters worse. It is not unusual to feel down in dumps, depressed and anxious at times, most people do some of the times, but suicidal feeling are rare and indication that things have gone far enough. I would suggest you to seek professional help asap and make your feelings and thoughts aware to your near and dear ones, your colleagues or neighbours but go and see your GP today
278437
Hey your story touched me so i thought i would take the time to answer it, at least as best as i can! x\n\nFirstly, it must be dreadful to feel empty and lonely-as in a sense, perhaps you feel like you have lost half of your identity, as obviousley your mum is half of your biological makeup-and half of you!\n\nBut on the opposide side of this, is the fact that in that sense, she will always be a part of you, as you are half of her, which should give you some comfort. You are one of the closest people to her; so when you feel lonely and down think about this!\n\nAlso Never say Never either, and keep an open mind! Who is to say there isnt an afterlife? Its best not to think pessimistic, and say that you will never see her again. If she died, perhaps she died for a reason and is no longer in pain and is in peace.\n\nTry to talk to a close member of your family who would perhaps understand. Try not to dwell on the past and embrace the family that you have presently. At the end of the day your mum is in your heart and is a part of you, and that will never fade.\n\nxx
55446
I don't think anything is wrong with you. You are coping as best you can with a situation I will never be able to comprehend.\n\nTry a support group or a counsellor. They will have the experience to know how best to deal with your hurt. But don't try to keep it all inside and hide it away.\n\nI hope this, or anything, helps you feel better.
504308
When you were a single parent and then lost your father, well, there went a huge part of your support system, didn't it? It's not surprising then that you would have a strong emotional reaction and hence feel very anxious and insecure. Hence the indecisiveness also.\n\nThat's all perfectly understandable, sweetie! \n\nSo my first suggestion is to accept that fact and by doing so, accept yourself. Don't beat yourself up about something normal. Spend some time meditating on this so it sinks in. And use affirmations as already suggested to reinforce it.\n\nThe second goal should be to get off the meds. These are brain altering chemicals as you're well aware. I think it's criminal that doctors prescribe them so readily without also laying out a plan to treat the cause. How can we return to a normal functioning state when we're messing with our brain chemistry in an unnatural way. \n\nThere are natural ways to elevate mood and reduce anxiety. The really good news is that they'll also help you achieve your weight loss goal! Isn't that great? Say, "heck ya!"  :)\n\nHere's what I would do:\n\n1. Make sure you get 8 hours of sleep per night. This means a dark room, quiet, NO TV and with a good sleep system for support and temperature control (but NOT via electric blankets).\n\n2. Drink enough water for your bodyweight every day. 8 glasses a day is a pretty good guideline.\n\n3. Breathe! Deep breathing is healthy and relaxing. If you have access to a forested area or a stream or waterfall, that's an excellent environment naturally loaded with negative ions in the air which have been proven to improve mood (by affecting serotonin... much like Prozac but totally natural and with no bad effects!). You can get air systems that produce negative ions but there's only one that I know of that doesn't produce harmful ozone as a by-product so buyer beware, k?\n\n4. Pray. God is the almighty Father! Go to church weekly at least and read daily from your Bible. Get to know the New Testament, especially the gospels and the Sermon on the Mount. There's great wisdom there. It's God's love letter to You.\n\n5. Exercise! Take a brisk walk everyday with a friend, your hubby, your kids. Get a dog if you need to (just make sure it's a low maintenance dog, not like a dalmation). This is great for reducing stress, improving mood, and increasing your self-esteem.\n\n6. A warm pet, especially if you're a cat or dog lover, can add joy to the house with their antics. I prefer cats because they're low maintenance, clean, and there's something very satisfying about petting a purring kitty.\n\n7. Eat right. Our diet has a huge effect on our energy levels which affects our mood. Get rid of sodas, sweets and white bread. Instead, focus on fresh fruit and vegetables. Avoid processed foods and go for the real stuff. Your body and brain don't function well if you're lacking vital nutrients. Investing in a GOOD whole foods-based supplement can be very helpful.\n\n8. Go after that job again or find some other activity to do outside the house. The change of scenery will do wonders for your outlook and keep you out of a rut. Do something you find rewarding like volunteering for a worthy organization.\n\n9. Realize that we are our own worst critics. The people around us are too busy with their own lives an worries to spend much time thinking about us. We'd do well to remember that. So give yourself a break. :)\n\nAll of this positive activity will help pull you out of your rut. You'll meet nice people, your clothes will start to feel looser, and you'll start to feel better about yourself.\n\nPrint this out and read it often. Maybe use it as your Bible bookmark so you see it at least once a day. :)\n\nAnd if you want any specific suggestions for supplements or the air system or how to get good sleep, you're welcome to contact me via e-mail.\n\nAll the best and God
101782
Why are you feeling sorry for you self girl?. You need to get active in stuff. Voluntary at a hospital, help feed the homeless, become a big sister. Make someone else the center of the universe and not your self. Truthfully your question is lifeless. I hope you are okay.
356218
Guilt is not going to change your circumstance, it is going to add to your stress. Guilt is a disease. (best taught by religion) \n\nYou have to do what you have to do, and only you know what that is for sure. \n\nIt is there own problem if they cannot understand and accept what you are asking for. \n\nNo one should ever feel guilty. But that doesn't mean succumbing to there needs to rid yourself of guilt. That will make things worse and leave you open to being manipulated with guilt in the future.\n\n You are are responsible for your own happiness. They are responsible for theirs. \n\nIt sounds like this will just go on and on if you don't cut them off now and deal with it. Then, it may only take a short time to figure out. You won't know unless you do it.\n\nThey will have there own guilt to deal with for not giving you the space and freedom you required.
220024
I think like you said you want to control your life, but the steps you are taking are not good for you, I think its time for you to see and speak to someone about what you are doing to yourself. When something bad happens to you try to make it worse to make you feel better I believe you explained very well of what your a feeling and doing to yourself.. please speak to someone you feel safe with and trust..please!!!!!
188878
Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry. I can relate to you in two ways. My situation is the opposite. I grew up with my father and did not see my mother from age 6 to age 20. The second thing we have on common is that my father also died recently. He committed suicide because he was sick and depressed. It's gonna take a lot of time. I don't have kids, and it bothers me that when I do he'll never meet them. \n\nHere's what I do to cope...\n\nI play the Moonlight Sonata on the piano because he loved to listen to me play that. I burned a CD of songs that remind me of him. When I listen to them, I can hear him singing them and see him smiling. I burned another CD of songs that express how I feel about his death, which helps to get it all out. I write letters to him, and that gets it all out, too. I allow myself to be angry - it's hard to be angry with someone you love. I try not to beat myself up with what I could have done differently and all the things I never said. I know he knew how much I loved him without my having to say it. My faith in God helps, because I think of what the word eternity means, and when I do, I see that 70 years on this earth is just nothing, really. I don't blame God - I try not to blame at all, which is not easy to do. \n\nAnother good thing to know about is the grieving process. There is shock/denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Since they are always written in that order, I thought that you go through one, then you're done with it and you go through the next. That's simply not true. You can be crying, then in a rage, then wake up the next day not believing what has happened. Knowing, but not believing. I find it hard to talk to people because I feel like it makes them uncomfortable. I also feel like it's old news to my friends, and that makes it hard to just bring it up again. But I do try to monitor myself and take good care of myself. If I'm in denial, I remind myself that denial only puts off dealing with it and makes it a longer process. If I am feeling guilty, I remind myself that it's not my fault and that my father would not want me to think it was. If I see that I am isolating myself, I call a friend and go out. \n\nI know that my situation is different, because you hardly knew your father, but I am sure that you loved him, and that he loved you. The one thing that gives me the most comfort is knowing that love is not killed, buried, or cremated. Love never leaves. Know that your father is very much alive in you, and so is his love. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself. If you want to talk more, email me.
366449
I have not lost a parent. I have lost a brother. We were approx. 12 months apart in age. He died drinking and driving when I was 20 and he was 19. I was devastated, but never cried about it. He and I had talked about death but not our own. There isn't a day goes by I don't think about him. I am sad, on the inside, but not depressed. I can talk about him with great pride and conviction without crying a drop. And about the loss..... is there anyway to describe the feeling of emptiness and loss? No, but we can not dwell on what we can not change. I do know that my life would be completely different if he were here. I moved 1000 miles from home, just to get away from the sadness, it didn't help. But it did change the whole direction of my life. I will not say that it is a mental illness to have feeling like this, but it is very difficult to express the way you truly feel. I try not to talk about it but feel better when I do. His birthday was last week 10/25. Mine is today.
596232
Sorry to hear that, but don't give up on yourself. You sound like you might be going through depression. It's nothing to feel embarrassed about. Millions of people suffer from it and there are many different cures. Please, please, please talk to one or both of your parents, or if you're not comfortable enough to talk to them at least speak to a trusted adult relative or your school guidance counselor. They can help you get through this. You've got your whole life ahead of you and the good news is this can be treated and you can feel balanced once again. Good luck and take care!
186371
Congratulations on your strong spirit. You should know you've crossed a great distance to being an adult, and rightly so.\n\nI lost my dad when I was 14, and it was hard. Real hard. However, in your case, you have no one of your parents left to comfort you anymore. Just knowing that is your first step into being a real human. God is testing you, and He will make it up for you, if not in this life, well, that's why we believe in Him.\n\nNo one can say anything to make you feel better. Many will try though, but look around, what about the maimed victims of war who lost their entire families? What about millions of poor individuals who know someday they're going to die a slow death, and that day isn't far away? God is testing them as well, believe me, the only thing that can help you is faith, faith in God, and in yourself.\n\nBe strong, and know you are not alone. Focus on your studies, and every time your eyes fill with tears from memories, let it be. Strong men also cry. It only makes them stronger.\n\nRegards,
255473
You must feel pretty much at rock bottom - and I am sorry to hear that.  But, from rock bottom, there is only one way to go - UP.  Every day you cope with this will be one day nearer to getting over this, one more step in an upwards direction.  I try to learn something from every bad experience I have, because experience is what you get in life when you don't get what you want from life.  In the future whatever happens, you will know you can cope, because you will have coped with this.  Talk to your parents, they will be concerned for you and want to help.  Even though they have split up, they still both want the best for you, and hopefully can put aside their differences and be able to work together with you so that you all come through this.   Time heals - I bet you find it hard to remember what worried you 6 months ago, 1 year ago, 2 years ago, so although this is a major crisis in your life, you will come through it I am sure. I hope this helps.
447736
First I would like to say I'm sorry for your loss of a family member.  Yes, you sound like you are depressed to me.  If you researched the symptoms, you would see yourself.  I've been depressed many times myself, and I can tell you it is no fun.  You get no pleasure out of doing anything, and all you want to do is sleep.  What you got to do is get up and do something for yourself, but before you do that, I want you to think REAL HARD about what I'm going to say.  No one controls your life but you.  What has happend, is in the past, and you live for tomorrow, not yesterday.  Everything that has happened is all water under the bridge, you can't do anything about it, and you need to stop dwelling on the past.  There is no one that can do a single thing about your situation except you.  You can either lay there, and drown in self pitty, or you can get up, and move on with your life.  No its not easy, but remember YOU are in charge of your life, and if you don't point it in a positive direction, then who will?  Sure you have a reason to be depressed, but how many days will you let the sun rise and set on another day without fun in your life?  You may have to make yourself get up and do something, but this you have to do, or loose your mind.  You may have a lot to be depressed about, but you have more to not be depressed about.  A person thats depressed cannot concentrate on school work, and you probably aren't getting anywhere.  You KNOW what the problems are, and you KNOW what you have to do to make them go away.  Get up, and get it done.  Put some fun back into your life.  Keep yourself busy to occupy your mind, and if you have to; please seek medical advice from someone, a doctor, a pastor, or just a friend that you can talk to, but do this before you end up at the bottom of a pit that you can't crawl out of.  Get off your @ss and do it, and do it now!  Don't tell yourself that you will do this tomorrow, because you know good and well that won't happen.  I hope this helps you some way.  Good Luck!!!