where do i start i thank my husband wants in his heart that he wants to see are son.he hasn't seen him sence he was born.he's met someone els and to busy with her but asked about his baby one day to a friend of mine i really don't know what i should do sence we filed for a divorce we can't talk to one another at this time.i'm just wanting to tell him he can come see him if he wants to but i really don't want to start trouble with the court.should i call and tell him he could come and see him or just wait untill after court??? i really don't thank he would talk to me anyway at this tim.
202796
Do not make any moves in his direction.  If he really wants to see his son, he will come to you and ask.  Make him ask you, not through a friend.  That way you will be able to see him face to face and judge his sincerity and truth for yourself.\n\nDo not let him fancy talk you...remember, your number one concern is the welfare of your child.  It may not be in his best interest to see his father if his father will be doing nothing but causing trouble between the two of you.  No child needs be surrounded by troubled parents that can't get along.  Make sure you are both in the right place before sharing your child.  I have already been through all of this.
570588
Your story brings tear to my eyes. Maybe all you can do is emotionally fall apart. You need to grieve, and better now than having collapses when your baby is a toddler and getting on your nerves. It is going to be a whole new life for you, and you have to be prepared for some real suprises from him.  Get you court case ready - be prepared for even worse things - you don't know who your husband really is until you divorce him. Many men fight for custody when it comes time to think about child support - so be "prepared."  HE ALREADY HAS A NICE LITTLE STEP MOTHER THERE AND READY - SO STAY AHEAD OF HIM. Yes life is very cruel that when you are at your most traumatised you have to think about such horrid and practical things - but that is the way of divorce. It is the worst hell you will ever experience. I feel so sick that this is happening to you while you are pregnant and so terribly in need of protection and love. You have to starting thinking about the man you love as an 'opponent' now. It is easy to say but I know that it is a very difficult thing to do. Feelings are what thay are. What you need is to find people out there who will listen to you and let you cry on their shoulder. People are VERY IMPATIENT and they will expect you to get over things very quickly, so have more than one friend to lean on. You have a precious baby on the way and taking care of that baby (alone) will be fill up many spaces because of the overwhelming responsibily. You really have to find compassionate non-condemning, humble friends who can be there for you. You will be poorer - for sure so find some single mothers with babies - because they will be your greatest support system. Your social status has just changed dramatically - and that is one of the most difficult parts of single parentig.  So be "ready." I am sorry that I have very little that is positive to say. Just know that my heart breaks for you.
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
400069
Men, and I am one, frequently experience huge challenges in relating to their estranged offspring, and I am one of those too. I have scarcely any contact with my daughter, and none at all with my son, who are both "grown up". I believe that is ALL my responsibility. I take the view that, having been entirely inadequate as a father to them in their youth, I have no right to impinge myself on them as adults. I would love to be close to both, but don't deserve or expect that to happen. I would love for my daughter, particularly, to keep in touch, because we had reached a level of understanding. She hasn't contacted me for many months, and her mother tells me that's because she has been through some extremely difficult times during the last couple of years, when, incidentally, I have been away (she is now 30, and not at all immature).  But I would LOVE to hear from her - or from my son, whom I have had no contact with for 2 decades. I suppose that what I'm saying is that  I won't contact my kids unless they contact me first, because my, frank, neglect of them when they were younger disallows me that prerogative, but, I do wish they would contact me. It has to be that way round because I would be imposing myself on them otherwise. Write him. Leave a mesage with a friend, Tell him, ever so gently, because he's male, and therefore pretty hopeless at those sorts of things, and may be scared, that you would like to know him better. Maybe he really doesn't want to know, but you won't know that unless you do try, and you will surely kick yourself if you don't. I, with  the very greatest sincerity, and a tear in my eye I am not ashamed of, wish you the very best of best fortune in this matter.
231293
Sad thing is some times the word family does not mean much to those who are coming into one.. I too am going thru a similar situation with my son.. I do not know what the best route is for healing this bridge. Maybe small steps ? such has a phone call just to say HI ? or a letter saying the same ? short and simple. No asking for nor expecting a response. Leaving the ball totally in the court of the son. Letting him know your Mom still cares, or you sisters, and want the contact, with out saying such, but leaving him able to choose the time and place when ready . Remember, 3 years is a long time, but it may take that much more time to come together as a family.. It would be easy to push, but you have to decide how far to go...
86788
I realize it hurts you deeply, seeing someone you love hurting.  Accepting that we can't "make" anyone do what we would like them to do, in spite of how difficult that may be, is what we must do.  Accept.  It would be nice in life if we could somehow shorten the list of regrets for others.  Realistically though, we are unable to control actions of others, or in some cases, the lack there of.  Perhaps a FRIENDLY phone call, preferably from their father, inviting them for a visit.  Even if an "invitation" to visit your home is not a requirement, they may respond more favorably at hearing a simple, "I'd sure like to see you and the kids", from their Dad's own mouth.  As difficult as it may indeed be, you really may be better staying out of it, leaving the relationship (or the lack of) between his "grown" children and him.  Take ALL the energy that you have being distressed over this situation (in which the power is not in your hands to change) and direct it to the relationship you have with your husband.  Continue to be there for him, emotionally, physically.  Take care of EACH OTHER.  Invite friends over to play cards, or for a chat of "what's new" in their life.  It's time to put the focus on the two of you.  Like the way it used to be, perhaps.  Thinking of you.  Take care.
226478
Your husband CAN NOT sign his right away.  Unless you have remarried and the new husband is willing to adopt your child, but since you said that your husband wants to sign his rights away, I doubt this is the case.  Your husband will be required to pay child support, however there is a good chance that he won't pay it and you will have to spend a lot of time in court trying to get it.  I would talk to a lawyer and get full custody of your son, if your husband wants to visit him ask that it be with a third party because it sounds like he might have some pent up anger and that is not good for your son.  I would be honest with your son about everything that is going on.  Tell him that mommy and daddy don't want to fight anymore and that daddy has decided to move away.  Leave it at that, within time you son will forget about daddy.  You will meet someone new that will hopefully love your son the way your husband should have.  If the two of you ever decide to get married and that the new hubby loves son and wants to adopt him I would call Probate court and talk to them about step parent adoption.  Usually it is the second chance for kids whose parents (either mom or dad) that left ehm to get a loving parent.  \n\nPS i would not count on your ex to change his mind about anything regarding your son.  I would encouage you to keep in contact with the hubbys family (if they are willing and you are willing), so that your son has some of his biological family in the picture so that when he is older he can't blame you for walking away.
272319
Divorce is a very personal thing, especially where you have three children.  If you're thinking that a public display with shame him... he left you pregnant on Mother's Day; he has no shame.  Chances are, you'll get more than you bargained for and a lot less satisfaction than you think.  Remember also that you'll be dragging your children's lives into the public eye.  Is that something they signed on for?  I wouldn't do it.
361737
Oh course you have to wait. He's getting divorce and doens't matter how bad things were in his marriage, getting divorce is never easy. Let him feel free again. Let him enjoy himself. Give him time. I don't think he's ready for another relationship
222099
Robyn,\n\nI'm sorry for your situation and I'm sure all of this is taking a heavy toll on you, physically and mentally. It's often very difficult to find acceptable reason in these cases wherein we can find some justification for what we know we need to do. I've experienced that myself so I can appreciate that you continue to feel the love you do for him and grasp for hope in saving your marriage.\n\nHowever, as difficult as this may be to accept, my suggestion is that your first priority needs to be to yourself and the children. The fact that you feel the choice was his to make regarding the direct deposit of funds to your account, it also remains a fact that you're entitled to his continued contribution to the support of the family. Regardless of the fact that he's not sure he wants to return to the relationship, morally and legally he has obligations to uphold. \n\nSo, my opinion is, that you should insist on this support from him while agreeing to his need for space in order to evaluate his feelings about the marriage. This will accomplish a number of things actually. First, it will relieve some stress of the situation in that you will have financial help during this process. Secondly, by agreeing to his wishes to not return and have the space he needs right now you are going the distance in attempting to reconcile. Third, its just possible that having to bear the additional burdens of financial support while also now having to provide his own domicile, could just send the wake up message that will help him realize the consequences of his actions before its too late.\n\nI wish you the best of luck!
569309
Do you want contact with your children? Then you need to step up and fight for them. California is pretty fair when it comes to dads. Your children have legal rights to have contact with you. Unless you are found unfit for some reason.  Do you have a court order? You need to find an attorney within the jurisdiction from the lastest court order. Good luck and you really need fight for this. Your kids need to have contact with their father, it may scar them for life you don't want them to think you abandoned them do you?
614662
He needs to get in contact with the child support agency that his is sending his money to.  And a lawyer,  if he has visitation rights.  Than he has the right to know where his child is and to see them.  The cops are just going to say that they can't do anything unless he has full custody.  Go to the court and talk to the judge that signed the visitation order.  They may be able to help know what he signed and what to do.  He should have never signed something that  he didn't completely understand.  I did that, and the people ended up getting full custody of my son and took off with him,  When they and their lawyers told me over and over that I was signing a temporary custody agreement.  Legal papers are so confusing even to very smart people.  Keep standing behind him and helping your man.  I commend you for being a real woman, and hold on to your hope and strength.  Because it may take time and money that you think that you don't have.  But every thing will work out for you.
59314
Wow. That's a long time. I'm sorry for your separation. I know it must be difficult for you. My parents separated when I was a baby and I never met my real father until I was 16. In fact he never communicated with me and only kept up with my progress through his mother who my mom stayed in contact with all through the years. I wrote to him and told him I would like to get to know him and it meant so much to him. He wrote me a very touching letter that let me know he regretted not getting to see me grow up and let me know he would give anything to spend time with me. He moved within the year from his home in California back to his mother's hometown in North Carolina and we visited back and forth from my home in Virginia for the next five years until he died in a tragic house fire. I was so very, very thankful for the time I spent getting to know him and the rest of his family. I learned that I inherited many traits from that side of the family and the oddities I thought I had were simply that I was more like his side of the family than my mom's side. As we get older we all want to know about our past, our roots, our history. If you are open and honest in your communication with your son I have no doubt that he will be thankful to get to know you. It might not feel like the traditional father/son relationship, but you will have your own unique relationship as my dad and I did and I will treasure it forever. My only regret is that he did not live to see his grandchildren. Just open your heart and let him know how you feel. Good luck!
116511
Oh Sweetpea, You should find some help near you, some social help and start the divorcing process, till it's not too late. Your husband thinks that you do not understand much, do not see anything, can't do anything...I think you see and understand everything, you just need help and support from someone who has power to do so. Do not worry about justice in heaven, worry about the present time and your children. God will help you if you want to be helped.
220878
in my own point of view, your husband doesn't wants to have any kind of responsability what so ever, and the first mistake is that to keep details in the past to much time in the dark so once in the light they brought shadows into the relationship....was important is today, and today the things between you both are not been true at least mostly from his side....going to Europe and keeping that poor communication is not giving you and the kids the importance and value that you all have.....put aside that he might change because i see it very difficult to be, he is playing a doble life and he is to into it that he can't see the courage to walk away from it...you need to find the time and put on thought that you are a very precious being and so are your kids to still wanting for something that it might not come, at least from your husband....unbelieveble as it is there are still good men around, chances to look for a better oportunity for you to be TRUELY LOVED and care about and also your kids are possible in the matter of how you work with what you see is the right time and person to share with a relationship....of course your husband might not want to divorce since it will cost child support and (please understand this is my intuition and perspective) if he has another person in his life there in Europe if things doesn't work later on with her he knows you will be there waiting for him to the rescue........it is a very hard situation, but know that the desicions you make today will have an effect for what tomorrow might bring......fight for your own destiny and happiness, and believe in something, there is a Lord above in the Heavens that never leaves his children side, ask and you should received for the sake of you and your family.......lots of blessings and Good Luck
641039
Take him to court and get something in writing....he is taking advantage of the situation.  I am a single mother of three and have that he has to give me 48 hours notice if he is going to cancel a visit unless it is an emergency....because he would not show up or call an hour before he was suppose to get them, he to would say he was working.   If you get it court ordered than there is more you can do about it later if he still doesn't show up.....all he is hurting is your 2 year old .  Looks like it is time for him to grow up and be a father....you shouldn't have to do everything...it took two to make the baby.  Once you start it you need to stick to your guns and go through with it.
400269
I would really keep an eye on this ~ Sometimes men feel rejected or left out when there are small children around (and especially when there is a newborn or one on the way) ~ My husband did things like this and I ended up just having to talk to him about it and letting him know that it is not OK.  If you have an issue with it, he should stop doing whatever it is that upsets you.  His first priority is YOU and his children and NOT his first wife.  For him to not tell you until days later is selfish and also shows that he is trying to hide it from you.  My question would be to ask yourself, what else is he hiding?  My husband on the other hand does not do this anymore because I had to keep reminding him that his first priority must be me and the children or else he can just leave.. .Our children are more grown up and independent now, however,  If we didn't have our kids to argue about, we wouldn't argue about anything.  ~ It just takes time and alot of adjustment.  We have been married for 9 years.