I am going out with this lovely lady that I know was ditched by this musician. On friday, we went out to watch the guy's band play in a pub. I felt bad because my gal never bothered as to whether i was there. she tried all she could to hide our relationship from the guy. it hurt me and when we got home, i asked her as to whether she had a divided loyalty and she said no. I left it that way, not convinced. is it time for me to wake up from the slumber? \n\n(Deliberately put the question under this column, hoping to get more and mature answers.
204328
I think that her hiding your relationship from him can mean many things. One she may think that he would take it badly, and it would hurt him. Two, she may not be over him yet and hoping that she will get another chance. Three, he may be a real arse hole and didnt want to introduce you as her partner as he could of hurt one of you. There could be many reasons for this. The best way to find out which it is would be to sit down and talk to her. You will get no where just guessing and you may make the biggest maistake of your life if you leave her.
573304
Oh my GOD!!! That has to be the saddest story that I have ever read on here. You poor poor fella. This is for you *A great big hug* If it helps I have some nice boobs. I hope the best for you, and you have to remember that Tomorrow WILL BE BETTER!!! It has to be. You should think about dumping that skank of a ho girlfriend You deserve a lot better and you know that you do, and you should think about going to the doctor and if you need a little help there is no shame in it, I too have been cheated on and it is the worse and most horrible feeling, I had to go on Zoloft, but the good thing is that it helps and once you can come out of the fog of depression you can see more clearly. You deserve better! Get you a plan of action and figure out what you need to do, Evalute every aspect of your life... is it time for a lifestyle change... change of job, if at all possible kick her out because adding a move on top of everything is going to be more stressful, and what a B*tch to laugh at you after what you went through, find a safer jogging route... and did you ever think that maybe that guy punched you because she is banging him? I kinda wondered that when I read, because that is just too strange that a guy would punch you for NO reason, and then she laughed on top of it... Go out with some friends or family, if you don't have any... make some, you need to surround yourself with loving and caring people. Best of luck to you, and I hope that your nose isn't broken a nice guy like you doesn't deserve that. *Another big hug and maybe a  little kiss on the cheek*
49151
Well, as the, old saying goes, " We learn from our mistakes." If you didn't want to go out with her in the first place, you shouldn't have. But now you have complete knowledge of what your better judgement saw, 'her immaturity.' She treated you like a 'FOOL', and has gone on with her life for 7 months and now justs wants to pop back in and play you like a 'idiot' until someone else comes along. Tell her, Hell no, and why you never want to date her again.!!
591881
Its really fun....I'm going through the same thing myself...my girlfriend of 2 yrs called it off 3 days ago and I'm suck in the same predicament. I absolutely can relate to you because I'm afraid that I won't ever find someone that I care and love. Not to mention she was my first girlfriend. To make it worse she tells me that she doesn't really see a future with me even though she tells me she loves me. Anyways I just want to tell you that its ok and hopefully both of us will be ok in the future. I wish you luck and I feel your pain. Oh, and the Dr. Steve answer is not fair... I'm not a teenager and I'm going through this so to say that "its a meaningless relationship" is cruel.
139809
Hey, I'm actually at the opposite end of your situation and just found out that I had been lied to about her past for a good 18 months. It's really hard and I don't know what to do. I was absolutely head over heals for this girl, and now mentally it is starting to crumble because I don't know they truth. She also won't talk about it because it bothers her too much, which in turn makes me feel extremely guilty when I need questions answered Unfortunately, her unwillingness to be open about it is driving my stress levels ridiculously high. \nI guess, from my perspective, what I wanted her to do most was to ask for forgiveness, which she never did. It's been nearly 4 months since the incident and she still hasn't asked. I wanted - needed - that.\nI also just wanted her to be honest. Completely honest. People are so bad about telling white lies or playing down the truth and that's what makes the imagination run wild.\nI think the best thing you could do is to comfort her. Ask her to forgive you for what you did (if you're sorry). And be willing to answer any questions she may have - letting her know she may get answers she doesn't want to hear.\nI think, after that, if she can't get over it, she'll never get over it. I'm debating that option now.\nIf she's not going to get over it, you will have to make the realization that there are more girls out there (billions) and you'll find one that will be more accepting and just as great as this one.\n\nI wish the best to you and I hope my experience has helped your insight. Good luck!
247221
The best thing you can do in this situation, is to take a step back, and wait. It appears you're pressing the issue too hard, and you have her a little threatened by your persistence. Leave it alone for a few days. It's obvious you're not going to care less, but it might give her a chance to see you're an all right guy that she would like to spend some time with. Good Luck!
533033
how about saying....  i am sorry if i embarressed you friday...  i normally do not get that drunk and behave that way..  Hope we are still ok????   or\n\nsend him a questionaire (this worked for me once after a date which i didnt hear from him in about 4 days)  \n\nDear_______\nplease respond to the following survey ASAP\n\n1...  Had a wonderful time, not casey behaved like a true lady\n\n2...  Had a horrible time never want to see not casey again\n\n3...  Had a date Friday???\n\n4... Not casey appeared to have gotten a little drunk, would like to see her again though if she promises to behave\n\n5....  Friday was_(please fill in the blank)_____________________________________
517592
I think it's a little weird that she was pissed when you needed to leave the next morning.  It's almost insecure.  When she cut you off on the phone it does sound like a game.  I bet she is waiting to see if you call her, not IM.  If you really like her, get over the issue of calling her place and give her a buzz. Otherwise sooner or later I'm sure she'll call you. Be careful....it seems too soon for her to be so over the top about you not staying longer.
62838
She did something she knew was deceptive and against your will. She\n\nthen misled you and was deceptive about it once you caught on. She\n\nflat-out lied about her actions and tried to make out as if it were\n\nyou who was in the wrong and had a lack of understanding (a\n\ngenerational thing that you aren’t able to comprehend).\n\n\n\nShe says Jeff is “easy to talk to” and that he’s “a great listener” –\n\nmajor red flag\n\n\n\nYou made your value of honesty perfectly clear and yet she\n\nintentionally betrayed that in spite of your openness of how much it\n\nmeant to your relationship.\n\n\n\nI find your statement here perplexing:\n\n\n\n“I personally think it’s a bit weird for a guy to be calling a girl\n\nwho has a boyfriend every day, but I also don’t’ want to treat my gf\n\nlike a child.”\n\n\n\nI don’t. \n\n\n\nYour “girlfriend” is acting childish but you don’t want to treat her\n\nlike a child. She has given you every reason to question her integrity\n\nyet you insist on being more permissive. You wonder how a guy (which\n\nshe admittedly feels so comfortable being with and confiding in) would\n\ncall on a girl who has a “boyfriend”. Dude, in my opinion, HE is her\n\nboyfriend too. Is it really that unclear? My guess is that YOU are\n\nprobably NOT her “boyfriend” in HIS mind, but YOU are merely an\n\nobstacle (she never mentions you and he never asks about you) . It\n\nwould seem, on it’s face at least, that she may feel the same way (why\n\nwould she be honest about this too when she found it so easy to lie\n\nabout everything else). The fact remains that she encourage, or at\n\nleast welcomes, his advances which she KNOWS FOR A FACT are totally\n\nagainst your will and undisputedly outside the parameters of trust\n\nthat the two of you have agreed upon for your relationship (in view of\n\nher previous lies about Jeff).\n\n\n\n“she says ‘she thinks about him all the time, and misses him. She’s\n\ndepressed that she can’t see him.”\n\n\n\nI’m not trying to belittle you or suggestion that you are less than\n\nintelligent because I know how love clouds the mind. But, c’mon big\n\nfella; you need to wake up because as hard as this is to swallow, in\n\nmy opinion you’re being had.\n\n\n\n“She says that maybe I don’t trust her, and she can’t spend the rest\n\nof her life with someone who can’t trust her, and she knows I feel the\n\nsame way.”\n\n\n\nShe KNOWS you don’t trust her and she KNOWS you don’t want to be with\n\nsomeone you can’t trust. It kinda makes one wonder if she’s not trying\n\nto help you dump her by continuing to give you reason after reason to\n\nnot trust her, doesn’t it? See what I mean? I don’t think she “feels\n\nbad” because she doesn’t “want to make you upset”, she feels bad\n\nbecause she KNOWS it makes you upset and she KNOWS that isn’t right –\n\nbut she still does it, doesn’t she?\n\n\n\nI find it odd that you think it “might” be ok that she doesn’t tel you\n\nall these little details about her relationship with this guy but that\n\nshe obviously tells him all the little details of her relationship\n\nwith YOU (if you’re not aware, intimate talk is what “easy to talk to”\n\nand “a good listener” often represent). You’re not seeing the two of\n\nthem discuss YOU because he probably already knows more than he cares\n\nto know already.\n\n\n\n>>>Do I let her keep meeting him as long as she’s honest with me about\n\nmeeting him?\n\nYou may not have a choice anymore.\n\n\n\n>>>Should I be worried? \n\nYou bet.\n\n\n\n>>>Do I tell her that she can’t be his friend and my boyfriend at the same time? \n\nYes, you can, but you risk losing her if you do. \n\n\n\n\n\n>>>Can I honestly, in good faith, tell her who she can and can’t be friends with? \n\nYou know what – you can (sort of). In a mature relationship everyone\n\nknows what the rules are. You
130689
Did you ever think she may be telling the truth? Give her the benefit of the doubt. The question I have is why is it ok for men to sleep with someone on the first date and get no rep for it, but for women it is different?????? Besides she might be a really great person and you will loose out on the relationship, remember you were there with her!
261442
Dump her, how would she feel if you went and drank with your ex? Yeah she wouldn't stand for it, would she! She probably slept with him anyway. Sirens used to lure there victims in with beautiful music and then slaughter them. Would you fall for their music? I guess what I'm saying is don't let ANYONE play games with your head, if it gets to the point where your having mind games played with your head, GET OUT!
114194
When I was in college I lived with this girl who was also my coworker at an adult bookstore.  She wasn't very popular with the guys, but I never thought anything of it.  At the time I had just gotten involved in a LTR with a guy who was in some of my elective classes.  Well, needless to say, one thing lead to another and the next thing you know, he and I had embarked on a physical relationship.  This, isn't that big of a deal, right?  I didn't think so.  She was incredibly jealous of our relationship, however, because (as I later found out) she had been trying to lure him into her bed for several semesters, to no avail.  I remember she would make snide comments once she had discovered he'd been staying the night with me.  I didn't understand her anger.  Then one time when he and I were doing what new couples who are enjoying each other do, I heard this moaning in the very next room.  Her room.  She had left the door open and was purposely making the noises of woman in the throes of ecstasy, while letting both of us know that she was taking FULL ADVANTAGE of her employee discount at the adult bookstore.  It was really embarassing.  Somehow, even though I think she was attempting to make fun of me, I was really embarassed for her.  To this day, I don't understand why she acted that way.  Anyway, I moved out, soon after this incident and while I was on my way out, I accidentally-on-purpose threw her favorite pet goldfish in her bed in the tradition of that movie The Godfather.  Shucks, it was the least I could do.  Hehe.
191569
Tuesday January 24, 2006 \n\nand I had a crazy weekend.  I told Kina about Brian.  I really regret even beginning anything with him it was just because of curiosity and not only was it a waste of time, (because I love Kina too much to end things) but it didnt satisfy any curiosity that I had.  I liked Brian because he was funny and he wanted me.  But then I broke it down and figured out why ?  Because he knows i am taken.  He is only 23, he has massive amounts of women that he knows well and chills with them.  He just liked the challange.  But I never did anything like that with him.  Althought I did want to, the fact remains, Kina does me o-so-well.  Maybe sometimes he will conk out or his buddy might get a lil tired, he does make a valid effort to make sure my hearing goes down when we are done (lol) and he is the only one who knows what to say and how to say it..\naaanyway so I am at work, thinking about food.  my salvation.  Grub.  Well i am probably going home today.  I havent been home since Friday the 20th damn right?  I miss my pup.  Xeeny Weeny.  I miss her so fuckin much.  You know what i dont really miss?  MYSPACE!  at work I miss it but i have psycho steve monitering my every myspace move.  That shit head.  And he swears up and down to Lauren that Kay told him she was with Ryan that night.  He denies it.  But i believe my sister over anybody.  and Kay knows that, so what is he hiding?  I dont know, so much shit.  I really want to have my own place.  I want to feel freedom.  But i dont want a lot of bills.  Kina said when i talk about moving in with him I make it seem so farefetched.  And its true, when I think about it, I feel like even thought I want it so bad, it is almost impossible to happen.  What Kina wont hear me say is that I dont have a lot of faith in him to do the right thing so I feel our chances of making it together are slim to none.  I hope that I am wrong.  But im not getting any younger.  What am I really trying to say?  I dont fucking know man.  i really dont.
586199
Tell Dave to take her some place really casual at first, don't freak her out. I don't know what the guys were like who hurt her before, and I personally know it's very hard to trust again. You seem like you know Dave really well though, remind Carrie of all his good qualities and that it's only dinner/a movie/etc. Maybe talk to Dave too and mention how you hope he treats her really well because she's had bad past experiences, and not to move too fast in any direction, just to let her lead. You could even arrange to call her mid-date to check up on her (I've had people do this, lame I know but sometimes you need an out if you're having a bad time, nice to know you at least have the option).
152641
Dude as a guy who has been on tour a few times (guitar) I just have to tell you that you should wait for a relationship after the band is settled, broken up, or famous. I know you have been talking to this girl but if you go deeper into a relationship with her you might encounter LOTS of bumps on the road due to the distance, other women (due to you being the frontman), and just schedules that don't mix. I think if she is special enough to you, keep a friendship until the time is right to go forward. Don't forget you are only 19 man... live life!!
461858
From what you described, I think it was the only choice.  And why should you feel guilty?  She's the one sleeping with other guys.  Sounds like you fell for a ho.  She did you a favor. Get on with your life and never look back.
334389
She made her feelings clear.\nYou didn't want to hear it, but she is not leading you around.\nListen to her!\nBe content you still have her company on some basis and if it gets impossible, go away.