I met a much older man almost a year ago and we've only been on two actual dates (I work horribly long hours and have a very active family/social life, just as he does) and we do speak to each other on the phone for at least an hour 4 time a week.  He is saying he'd like to be friends with benefits and I'm attracted and interested, but not sure how to handle this.  I don't think I would ever be able to bring him home to my family as a "boyfriend" because of the age differance, but I don't want to be some chick on the side he is just messing around with either.  He did express interest in being something more than just a friend to me, something more than friends with benefits, but I'm not too long out of a serious relationship and I'm not ready to get back into it...so knowing what I do, is it wrong for me to just want to indulge in a physical relationship that I know will go nowhere??  Am I better off knowing that it won't be anymore than what it is???
217011
Yeah, he's pretty much giving you a clue where you'll stand in his life.  For his benifit.\nTake it or leave it...
39899
Dear Penny,\nBefore asking any questions, or even analysing the myriad of eye movements, hand gestures and pupil dilating which probably indicate commitment, think what YOU want from this relationship. \n\nThe previous respondent talked about friends with benefits, but in this instance I have the feeling it applies to you also. \n\nSo: how do you feel about him? Honestly? Do YOU want to commit? If the answer is yes, be brave, be honest, and let him know you're ready to take this relationship to the next level.\n\nGood luck!
512585
Yes, but they have to be on board aswell.    In college i had a great friend with benifits and we would call each other for booty calls all the time.We were good friends that tried to date, but knew that it could not work, we did however enjoy the physical with each other.   The funny thing is that i would call him over, then make him leave right after and he was totally cool with that.  After i started seeing someone seriously we ended the sexual part but remained friends.  I am now married with a child and he is friends with my husband and i.  My husband knows about the relationship also.  I kept things very open.
450681
He has a lot of excuses, none of which strike me as sincere.\n\nI would guess that he has met someone new, or is out of love with you but finds some aspects of your relationship worth hanging on to (financial, maybe?)    Or maybe he just doesn't have the guts to say none of it's what he wants anymore.   If that's the case, then don't make it worse for both of you by hanging on until it's a disaster.    Go while you can still stand each other.\n\n Not wanting sex has nothing to do with him getting older.   I'm in that older bracket myself, and age has nothing to do with THAT.    Have you ever met one that didn't want sex (except this one)?   Exactly. \n\nYeah, they get bored easily but so do we, especially with those younger ones who think they are Sex Machines but have a lot to learn.   If he's already exhausted his sexual imagination, maybe YOU should move on :-)   \n\nHe's working long hours?   Are you sure he's at work? \n\nToo many excuses.    If he's mature and really cares about you, the sex should always be good.    That's not an age thing, a weight thing, a beauty contest, or a 2 1/2 year thing.    Go the mall and look at all the weird unattractive couples who are obviously crazy about each other.   This ain't no beauty contest, this is real life.   Not everyone is pretty.   A good relationship makes sex good.    \n\nThere is the slight possibility that he could have a physical problem causing a low sex drive, but that's not what I'm seeing here.    I've never seen a man turn down an attractive, caring partner.    THey could have just ridden a bicycle cross-country, and can still find the strength to do the wild thang.   So hire a private detective or do a little snooping on your own.   \n\nGood luck to you.
331753
It sounded to me that he just wanted you to be a friend only, at least at this stage. Try to cool yourself the passion from him and don't push him or yourself to be too emotionaly involved with him. If he really cares about you more than a friend, he would keep dating you no matter how many dates you're going to have (unless both of you enter in a serious relationship). You'll get a better picture of how well compatiable of both of you and realize more about his feelings toward you if you "step back" and "observe". It'll be better for both of you.
618046
Hey Hun....No you're not alone....I am also young but have never been interested in just getting laid...I've always been more interested in a strong long term relationship...For me...The relationships always start off like they will last forever...and then BAM! all the effort and love I put into those relationships are taken for granted....I'm dealing with this sort of thing now with my boyfriend of almost 1 yr and half...He just up and decided he needed a break...now when we talk it's awkward...and there is no love in his voice...it breaks my heart and I too feel afraid that one day I will wake up and be 40 and have no one....no kids and no life...and end up hating myself for not being able to find a real relationship where both people love equally....it's scary...but alot of people say "you're young and you will find someoen to respect who you are...and WANT to be with you as much as you WANT  to be with them" I know it's hard to believe that there is someone out there for everyone...But as hard as it is...what other idea can we really hold on to? I hope you find someone to share your life with too...GOOD LUCK hun....feel free to e-mail me...if you wanna chat more...or add me to msn....hoffababe@hotmail.com...caio
377346
No, you are most definitely being fair and unselfish.  However, I can understand how this relationship would turn sour if you led him on, which I don't think you intend to do... but can sometimes happen accidentally (I speak from experience!).  Make sure that you understand your feelings and that he expresses himself to you truly. Maybe you can agree to not have an orthodox "relationship." Afterall, we are in a new century, brinking on the 7th year, and the possibilities are endless! Maybe you can just 'date,' go to movies, dinner, coffee, have fun together... but just not with all the strings attached that the word 'relationship' attaches! Then, if you both enjoy each other's company you can decide later what to do... it'd be pointless to miss out on the wonderful opportunities and feelings that you'll encounter in a relationship, even if it does only last for a little while. But that's the thing about relationships, friends, love...they come and go and there's really nothing we can do about it except enjoy every minute of the present.  Avoiding the future is hard, and you'll have some decision-making to do come uni time, but just let that wait. Don't stress too much about the future! It's waiting for you, don't wait for it. If you end up falling head over heels, you'll both figure out a way to work it out (I speak from experience!). \n\nHope that helps!!
79481
It sounds like you've spent enough time trying to figure out if something can happen or not.\nSo I'd leave it and be open to something new.  If you're going to do that make sure you either tell him not to touch/hug you any more or you make it clear that you just want to be friends/work colleagues and nothing more.  Don't give out mixed messages and he'll get the point - he may be as confused by your actions, but you don't say what you do when he is 'all over you'.\nIf after this he says he does want to be with you seriously, maybe give ahim acouple of weeks to prove it by acting like an adult, otherwise forget it.  He sounds a bit childish, but his actions may also be affected by your own.\n\nGood luck!!
625772
Okay you are in a BAD SITUATION and you need to set boundries.\n\nFirst of all, this guy does not believe you are friends with benefits, he believes you will eventually become more than that and is waiting for it to happen. If you go to vegas without him and hook up with some random guy he will be crushed because he wants more from the relationship.\n\nYou need to break up with him immediatly if you don't want to be involved with him. "Friends with benefits" is both retarded and volitie and one or both of the participants will wind up hurt in the long run because all it does is put off the inevitable break up. You need to break up with him and be firm in not getting back together. \n\nI can tell you, without a doubt he wants this relationship to be more and you need to break it off with him if you don't. Do not just go to vegas without him and hook up with another guy because it is totally wrong. You must tell him the truth even if it hurts him now because it will hurt much more later.\n\nBe an adult.
276671
it sounds like he just want's a "friends with benefits" relationship. Tell him that you want a real relationship, or nothing. You don't want to be held back from something new because he can't make up his mind.
130184
No it is not wrong to feel that way.  Sometimes it is better to do the whole friends with benefits type of thing.  One of my ex's and I did the friends with benefits bit and when we moved on to other relationships we were able to keep the friendship.  It is nice having a guy to talk to about anything, that you know will understand b/c he is your best friend.  I think it is more important to have a best friend than a boyfriend.  It sounds like this guy is your best friend and sometimes when you move from friends to lovers you lose the friend.  So doing the friend thing would be safer but if your feelings are really strong then go for it and if it does not work out hopefully you can still be friends.
631302
Don't fall for the crap he's dishing out.  Unless BOTH parties want that "FWB" BS, then keep steppin'.  Him telling you that "you're cute" is not any kind of commitment.  Haven't you learned by now that men will say anything to get into your pants???? (Men, am I right?)\n\nWhat you describe would be an imbalanced relationship, where he gets everything he wants and you get nothing that you want except his company.  Even then, the control is in his hands.  Sweetheart, no doubt, you deserve so much more than that!\n\nGirlfriend, I'm giving you the advice I'd give my own sister or that I'd want somebody to give me:  Keep walking and eventually you will meet the ideal person for you.  In an ideal situation, both parties are thrilled to be with each other.  Both parties feel lucky.  And both parties derive benefit from the relationship.  Until you have that, don't settle for one drop less than what you deserve!!!!!\n\nC'mon, now.  Like rkrell and summersun both told you in your other incarnations of this question, "Don't do it."  Plus, please don't keep asking the question until you get the answer you want to hear.  Listen to the sound advice you're getting from the majority of those who answer you.  Okay?
160862
It seems to me that the both of you are more than friends with benefits.  If you guys are not together as a couple, than neither one of you should be jealous of the other, unless there are more feelings involved.  \n\nSit down and have a serious talk with him.  See exactly where things stand with you.  If he doesn't want more than, just being friends.  I would suggest to take the benefits away or let him go...  Life is too short to waist every minute on someone who is not willing to talk about the future....
502085
Well, neither of you truly knew where the relationship was going to end up.  If you start throwing sex into the mix then the feelings involve get very confusing.  I would say you are going to have to talk to him about it.  Let him know how you feel and don't let it carry on any longer.  The longer you go on with these feelings the more it is going to hurt him later.  Stop sleeping with him for sure.  He will decide if you are still going to be friends, if you were truly good friends he will probably come around and be friends with you again.  It might take some time though.  You might not want to date anyone else for awhile, especially don't introduce them if you do. Friends and sex usually don't end up with positives, but you might be lucky.
23499
Tell him what you just told us, then don't get too heavy on him.  It sounds like you want more than just a friend with benefits when you ask someone why they don't love you.
21650
I don't know how old you are, but you sound young. Friends with benefits are ok as long as you agree to stick with the terms. You know he doesn't feel the same way you do, so stop hooking up and step back for a while. Besides, he's hooking up with other girls and that puts you more at risk of catching something (even if you use a condom). Use your head instead of your heart on this one. Don't hook up anymore.
278303
Having a friend with benefits sounds like a splendid idea; however, why would you want to be "special friends" with someone who most likely has the same kind of "relationship" with someone else?  I would rather have "benefits" with just one person I trust will only have "benefits" with me.\n\nThis "special friend" is most likely loving this "relationship" you two have going on right now--he's a guy!  It doesn't sound like either one of you have feelings for each other, so it would not hurt either one of you to end it.  On the other hand, if you would like to explore an actual relationship with this person, then you should probably cut the secret stuff.