A very religious couple that has two daughters cannot agree on birth control methods. The husband wants to have a boy to carry on the family name, but the wife feels like her family is complete, and the wife also feels like her husband should have a vasectomy but he doesn't want to (she also can't use birth control b/c she had problems when she used it). What should they do?
217065
If they cannot agree to a solution, then they could really benefit from advice via a third party -- probably a marriage counselor as opposed to a religious person, since part of the problem lies with religion.\n\nThere are many factors that will determine what is best for the couple, and no one reading this will ever know those factors, so I certainly wouldn't take life-altering advice as to a definite step here!\n\nTruly, professional advice should be sought.
621425
Religion doesn't mis with relationships. It doesn't matter what your religious believes are. I am not going to say that i agree with you beliefs, but its not my place to judge. The point is that no matter what religion you are, in a relationship both parties must respect each other enough to accept the others religious preferences. I understand it is frusterting, i have had my own relationship problems because of religious differences, and it shouldnt be that way. Religion is a personal decision and your partner needs to respect that the same way you need to respect his. In my situation we decided on a comprimise that we were simply going to leave it alone. He has his and i have mine, and it is not dicussed and all religious practices are done in private and we promised that we weren't going to take crap about the other and not try to convert. Don't ever change your religion for a relationship....in fact don't choose one over the other. It is not something you should have to decide a side on. If you indend to stay with him for good, and have kids with him you might want to dicuss and agree on how the children will be raised, religiously, but besides that, you should both just agree to disagree.
563355
Police state....can anyone say that?  No, no government should restrict the size of a family.  To have children or not is the sole right of the people involved, not a government.  Look at the Chinese government, they restrict their families to have only two children.  What if those two children are girls?  They get sold or sent to an orphanage so the couple can try for a boy.  Absolutely ludicrous!  Over population is a concern, but I think the biggest concern is not being able to feed your family, ergo, people are regulating themselves, well, with the exception of the religions that say you can't use birth control. (you know who you are) <g>
460826
I think its a very personal choice for them alone to make, my hubby and I have been married 22 years this coming Friday, we have no children and chose not to have them, it wasn't a decision we made lightly at all, we sat and talked about it over a long length of time before we decided it was a choice we were both happy with, my reasons for not having children are very personal and too upsetting to talk about on here, my husbands reasons for not wanting children are because he has a very rare heart condition, so rare nothing can be done for him and he is one of only 5 people in the world with this condition, after disgusing things with his specialist we chose not to have children, far too many risks involved and too painful to lose a child before it reached 5 years old as was our prediction off his specialist, we have found it quiet hard over the years not having children, but some choices have to be made in life and that was ours, the one thing that really hurts us both is when people find out we have no children and it was our choice not to have them they think were child haters or wierd for not taking the risk, yet these same people have expected us to give our time up together of a weekend to babysit their kids for them so they can go out as they have such a hard life with there horrible kids been monsters all week long, double standards for them as always, but for us no, were just the odd couple for making the right choice for us.
144128
I don't see what's wrong with saying it just the way you asked!  Well, maybe tweak it a bit.  See, for some reason, women feel such pressure by society to be married and have kids, it's our competitive nature against each other the way men compete with cars, money and big muscles!  First, if you're asking this to us, you probably need to get some feelings from her such as "how do you feel about a family?" What are your core values regarding family?  What do you think is the most important thing for children or a child?".  If you are even contemplating having children, these questions are a MUST to have answered.  It is only fair to the child that you do your homework on the person you are choosing to have a child with.  Anything less is not fair to the child.  So before you ask her....please make sure you both have defined your core values on relationships, family, spirituality, intimacy, emotional and mental well being.  This is what makes a family strong,,..married or not.
227983
This is a tough one. Your best bet is to take a personal inventory before you do anything else.\n\nYou have at least three issues here.\n\n1. You are not married to the person who is also the mother of your child.\n2. Your girlfriend/child's mother also has another child which is not yours.\n3. You have an issue with commitment.\n\nWhere to begin? You must begin with yourself. I believe this is some of the best advice I can give, because until you do the following you will be unsure of the direction you need to take.\n\nTake some time out for yourself and go somewhere peaceful and quite. Ask yourself the following questions:\n\n1. Who am I?\n2. How have I gotten myself into this situation?\n3. What are my dreams?\n4. What are my goals?\n5. What are my likes?\n6. What are my dislikes?\n7. What do I believe in Spiritually?\n8. How have my decisions been in conflict with who I am or in what I believe in?\n9. What do I want to teach my children?\n10. What am I teaching my children by my current actions?\n11. What do I believe about marriage?\n\nUntil you can answer truthfully these questions you will have a difficult time being a father and husband.\n\nMy desire is for you and this lady to go through some counseling together, work through some issues, and then get married. When both of you can be independantly strong and partners in the relationship then things will get better. However, until you look at yourself first you won't be effective with them. It has to start with you. You can't tell her what to do.\n\nAlso, other good advice is to continue to take care of yourself, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Pay attention to your responsibilities as a provider, a husband, and a father. Even though you aren't married you are living like you are married. Until there is an official break then you need and must be comitted to your family.
168796
hey its your decision you can do whatever you want to do screw these people that say that you are too promicuious they just need to get some themselves!!! anyway i am the one that was asking about whether or not i should let my kids see their real dad ... and i agree with you ..i do let them see him whenever they want to and i will never keep them away from him no matter what my man knew this when he got married so he shouldnt have married me if he had a problem with it ..i was just trying to make sure that i wasnt being selfish!!thank you:)
541854
personally, i think it's irresponsible. It might lead to a couple of extra bucks in your pocket, but I would rather that men know which kids are theirs and which aren't. If you want to help an infertile couple or woman, hand select them. PLEASE!!!
391408
I for one totally agree. It a legal issue more than a religious one, in my book. But, you know the christers have to have a cause...They don't want abortion so that the kids can grow up and join thier cult. I wish they'd take it somewhere else.
175499
Abortion is not birth control. If she's perfectly healthy, she wasn't raped, and it wasn't a case of incest, she would be both selfish and immature to abort the child rather than to give it up for adoption. Two million U.S. couples are waiting to adopt babies. \n\nAbortions are physically and mentally draining on women. She will never forgive herself. It will haunt her and break her heart for the rest of her life.
292226
The world right now in May of 2006 is climbing toward 7,000,000,000 -- yes, billion -- people.  For health reasons, you have had a hysterectomy.  And now your husband wants another baby.  What do YOU want?  Do you have any children in the first place?  Have you or he had children together, or do you have children from previous relationships?  How much strain would this pregnancy put on your body and your relationship?  All of these questions and more, I'm sure, need to be considered.\n\nIn vitro may be an option, but it's expensive and very iffy, with maybe a 10% chance of impregnation at any one time.  At several thousand dollars per cycle and no promises, IVF is often an emotional rollercoaster, as people get their hopes up and then nothing.  Are you willing to go through, potentially, months and years of disappointment, dwindling finances and no child at the end?\n\nUsing a surrogate is a possibility, but surrogacy is fraught with emotional time-bombs.  Some surrogates want to keep the baby.  Mothers who cannot have children physically may be resentful and jealous of the other woman's ability to become and stay pregnant.  I don't know what the protocol is after a child is born from a surrogate, but it seems an extraordinary thing for a woman to give birth to a child and then just walk away, but I suppose that's how it's done.  \n\nUltimately if you don't have a uterus, you cannot have a baby naturally that I'm aware of.  You would have to use a surrogate, or you would have to adopt.  I'd suggest you do some research and reading first, talk this over with your husband, and talk it over with yourself, and think about what you really want.  \n\nIt sends up a big red flag to me that after a hysterectomy where your uterus is removed, your husband suddenly wants a baby -- and obviously you cannot do this.  Is it really a baby he wants, or something else emotionally?  Having a baby complicates relationships and never solves any problem.  Babies even when wanted bring stress to a relationship.  Perhaps some marriage counseling and/or some very honest talks are very much in order.  I wish you the best.\n\nGood luck.  Cheers, K
547276
This is an ethical question that I have ask myself, while I am against abortion strictly for birth control, and do not think it should be used as such, my question goes both ways should the father of the child be aborted if the father wants it and the mother don't or should it be a mutual agreement before it is done. Either way. In answer to your question I would think that the father should have a say in the matter, after all it is his flesh and blood also. Except in the case of rape and incest which are criminal acts, and should not punished the mother to be for this. I think it should be mutual one way or the other at best.\n\nEdit: excellent question.
250175
Well first of all I am a muslim, and we are allowed to marry christians provided they are good christians, ya know what I mean. And yeah its kinda hard when we start thinking how it will workout but from the religions point of view its totally legal. As far as the girl and the boy are fine, both the parties cud prolly try to adjust themselves making sure their kids are happy. The children would be somefin to think about, that will worry both the parties. Either the dads religion or the moms religion. So we'll have to sort that out before they are even born. \nLast but not the least, one of you have to switch so the children could not suffer any religion problems later on. Their heads would be alot straighter not at all confused ya know wat i mean...\nI just told you wat i knew, my info maybe a little, so I'd suggest that you may go to a religious scholar to help you on this.
182472
bring it up with him. and if he doesn't claim the baby, kick in in the balls till he's unfertile and get an abortion, if you're against that, then have the baby, adoption. or keep it.
329424
Why should we discriminate against people who are unable to conceive?  Does that make them any less of a person?  Any two people should be able to get married.  What makes a marriage is love.  Pure and simple.  You can have all the kids in the world and not be in love with your partner.  That is sad.  I would rather be childless and have all the love in the world between my partner and I, than to be married (with children) to someone whom I despise.
94211
In my opinion I find it morally wrong.  I agree with what you are saying.  Just for a couple of bucks you are going to be a father to a child you won't see speak to see its first steps all that good stuff about raising a child.  Even more I wouldn't do it for a million dollars.  I once met a guy at a school who told me he sold one of his testicles for like 25,000 because he had such a high sperm count.  I find it shallow immoral and indecent.  Imagine going to heaven and God asks you about children you never met.  I couldn't do it.  Finally why is a woman that desperate to get pregnant?  Does she have the means to support herself and a child?  Does she have a father figure that will be there night and day day and night.  Is that father figure truly reliable?  There are numerous questions that can be asked and must be thought over.
597482
Well, my husband wasn't a anything and I believe in GOD and it didn't work out.  \n\nWhen it comes to having kids it's also hard.  If you plan to have a life together then all you have to do is make your children decide for themselves and the both have to be open about it and be able to let them choose.\n\nDifferences in religion work only if you respect each other.  How do you respect each other without sharing?  It's nice to talk to someone about your same beliefs, think about it.