We met through an online dating site ... which I suppose made us imagine we should be 'in love' immediately ... This didn't happen, but instead we've developed the deepest bond of friendship that either of us has ever had ...\nBecause after seven months this hasn't progressed into sexual attraction, we both seem to have come to the conclusion that this will never happen ... and last night agreed to break up I'm just concerned that we are throwing away something which people spand a lifetime looking for ... And I'm also concerned that in the course of a seven-month friendship the sexual dimension hasn't really had enough time to develop ... \nI'm very keen for any thoughts ... because I no longer feel able to trust my instincts and am very confused by it all ...
215359
Why not be friends and see how things develop?  If you two agreed to break up, why are you asking the question now?  Sit down and talk.
346760
I have reservations when you say you have "feelings" for this lady? I wonder are these feeling recipricated? Are you getting clear signs that she has feelings for you or are these feelings of yours entirely related to unmet needs of your own? This situation can go one of three ways.....\n(a) If she has feeling for you and is consciously sending out these signals then the relationship may develop into something more.\n(b) If these feeling you have are a result of unmet needs of your own then it is a very dangerous situation and your friendship may be doomed (should you try to take things further).\n(c) If (a) is the case then the relationship may develop but I doubt it will be a sincere and lasting parnership. Why? Because she has only recently committed to a life with someone else. If she is willing to sacrifice that relationship already then she is either selfish or very immature (probably both).\nSorry, just my thoughts.\nMichael
160250
Wow, this sounds familiar.  I have a guy friend like that who's a five hour plane ride away from me.  She's probably thinking the same thing you are.  She trusts you and likes you and wants more from the relationship, but she's afraid of ruining what she already has with you.  Which as she's told you, is very special to her.  If you really think it's a good idea and you guys can work it out to be together, talk to her about it.  She probably wants to be with you too but doesn't want to pressure you.  If not, always be a good friend to her and maybe there will come a time and place where everything will just click.  Good luck!  I hope it works out!
458293
i don't think so. you definitely don't know each other well enough yet. it takes years of getting to know each other and experiences and getting through hard times before you can be sure. don't jump to any conclusions too quickly and just see how things go.
616552
I dated my best friend... She and I had become best friends after a short while and would talk constantly for close to 5 years. then, one day, we started dating... 5 years for her to gain all of my trust, less than an hour to lose all of it.\n\nI lost her, but we still chat a little.. we're actually in talks now about meeting again face to face to go out and photograph some things. \n\nWhile it hurts that I lost her, it hurts even more that I lost the only person I ever truly trusted. I wouldn't want her back in a dating sense, just to have my friend back would actually put a smile back on my face that's been missing for about 1 & 1/2 years now.
341694
I don't know how much this will help you but my girlfriend and I met and started dating almost instantly...thinking back it all happened so quick but it was so natural that we never had any problems.  She lived about 30 minutes away from me and I was in college and worked so it was hard but honestly, I would come home from work and could expect to walk in the door and see her every day (she had a key).  Two months after we met we moved in together and have been living together ever since.  We talk and spend time together every day.  I can honestly say that we have not spent more than 10 days apart from each other since we met 8 months ago and it has been amazing!
172232
I'm sure he likes you "in that way" but he's probably just as freaked out and confused about it as you.  Sooner or later one of you will hurt the other, either by asking the other to "cross the line" or by dating someone else.  I think you could avoid that by trying to be VERY mature and sit down alone and talk about how the 2 of you feel about each other which is probably in the middle between "just friends" and wanting to jump into bed with each other.  You freindship will not be the same after this talk but it might be a better alternative than waiting until this timebomb is set off by hormones rather than diffused by the 2 of you taking an honest look at how much you really care about each other, your special friendship, and I'm sure that niether of you wants to hurt the other emotionally.
96483
It's been 5mos. and you must have forgotten why you broke up with him in the first place.  I think if you read your question over especially the part about him wanting to hang out and have SEX, you could really determine yourself whether he, after 5mos., really loves and misses you or ain't having that much luck elsewhere.  Sex will make the feelings you still have for him arise but then what after that?
295415
Single is good for awhile. My guy friend reminded me of the concept of "dating". You are going back out into the social scene and just meeting new people. Forming a friendship is the most healthy way to building a romantic relationship. Your giving yourself and your friend, time to really honestly, get to know each other inside and out. Jumping in is never healthy. If your jumping in for the wrong reasons (lonliness, a "need" for a mate), then you will soon find your relationship ending in a firey crash and burn. Practice patience with your new friend. It's ok to be attracted to him/her but keep a level head and don't let your emotions rule your decisions. I am experiencing this very phenomena about building a friendship first. Together, we are keeping level heads, (even though he is just so dang hot), and it is much more fulfilling and healthy, than any relationship I've had before. The communication is great, we understand and accept where we stand with each other, and we're keeping the door open for the possibility of a wonderful, romantic, relationship to develop. I admit, it's not easy. I am still learning the whole patience thing myself. But this is so good, and healthy. I wish you luck, and hope that you will not jump in to something out of desparation. Be positive, be patient, and ask God to help. God Bless you friend.
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
78046
It doesn't sound to me like you ever wanted in the relationship to begin with. Your first feeling is usually the right one. So i would just contact him and tell him that you understand that the relationship is over and that it is probably for the best, but you would like to try to go back to the way things were before you started dating. It is not possible for some people but for a select few it works. Besides you said the sex wasn't great anyway and that is the only difference between a relationship and a friendship.
552100
Well, this seems to be a tricky situation. I have been in a similar, yet not so intimate situation, with another friend. Now let me tell you what I did to solve the situation. This answer may give you an idea as to what your next step should be. \nI didn't feel the same way because I thought it was forced. I love my friend in lots of ways but when it feels forced then it is hard to get past the idea that we are not friends. At that time I felt uncomfortable. He likes me still. But I told him that we could just be friends. Now we are still friends and we're glad for it. Sometimes the timing may not be right or she feels it is forced. At this moment cherish the fact that you guys are friends. When the time feels right she will automatically open up to you. At that time, it will not feel forced and you will not have lost a good friend. Remember people feel uncomfortable and forced in many different ways.\nSee, differences between individuals are evident in any relationship, but it is how one handles those differences within the relationship that matters. Are you willing to lose a good friend over your desire for it to be more than that? Decision is up to you.
365837
I would give it a little bit of time and then ask yourself. Are you ready to give this another try or are you starting to feel better and are able to move on?\n\nSomeone once told me people break up for a reason and that they should always stick to their original idea. Of course this is not always the case but just do what you feel is right deep down. \n\nHope everything works out!
99250
I think you did the right thing.  Even though it took a while I can understand that at first you didn't want to jeopardize the friendship that you two had formed.  It is good that you finally told him how you feel because, well, life is about taking risks.  And you don't want to be harboring the thoughts about WHAT would have happened had you expressed your true feelings.  I hope you are feeling positively about your decision because you should be.  Stay Blessed.
410757
She is moving waaaaay too fast!!  (My own opinion, of course!)\n\nYou are going in the right direction.  Distance can be a wonderful asset to building a relationship.  If forces the two to go beyond that initial "lust" and "infatuation" stuff and build a truly lasting friendship as well as deep relationship.  But, if one of the members is pushing for drastic change, well, I would be a little leery and wonder why?\nIf this is something you both want and think is going to last a lifetime, why go storming into it before you really get a chance to build that solid foundation?\nBut talk to her, keep building the way you are.  I believe in slow and lasting rather than wham bam, and gone!\nGood luck!
534201
Why not lay off the sexual stuff altogether?  Concentrate on becoming better friends.  Do activities together.  \n\nIf you're not ready to go forward, maybe you should go backwards.
39899
Dear Penny,\nBefore asking any questions, or even analysing the myriad of eye movements, hand gestures and pupil dilating which probably indicate commitment, think what YOU want from this relationship. \n\nThe previous respondent talked about friends with benefits, but in this instance I have the feeling it applies to you also. \n\nSo: how do you feel about him? Honestly? Do YOU want to commit? If the answer is yes, be brave, be honest, and let him know you're ready to take this relationship to the next level.\n\nGood luck!