If I decide to stay in my marriage and work things out, how do I not feel so sad and lost and feel like I lost my best friend?  I don't have the same emotional support at home.
201472
I just answered your other question and I felt the need to answer this one too! Girl you are in a very emotional state right now, you need to cut all ties to this other man, this is why you are being so hard on yourself! You need to FOCUS! Stick to the topic at hand and that is that of your marriage! You need to start talking more to your husband and let him know you feel no emotional support from him and let him know how you are feeling (if you haven't already)!\n\nThere are alot of people that both of you have involved involuntarily, they did not ask to be in the situation, you need to be the adult here and finish what you started right? Do what YOU KNOW is right not what every one tells you too! I hope you do get some answers here that will help in your decision making, but ultimately the decision is yours to make. Good Luck to you!
137231
No, I don't think it's wrong. When you've gotten very emotionally intimate with someone, you will miss it. I hope it has nothing to do with feeling like you want to leave your husband though.\n\nI have this deep intimate connection with my husband. We are each other's best friend. I hope that you have the same with yours. It may not be the way you work, but you can change if you want to.
308751
I have been married 11 years this year. A lot of people think that marriage is going to be fun and full of lovey feelings, holding hands and skipping through a field with flower petals showering down on you. No one thinks that sometimes it rains, hails and can even blow you off your feet with extreme hurricane winds. This is when most people bail. Marriage is pulling together and fighting through it. Love is not a feeling that you feel for your partner, but an action. It is staying when you feel like leaving. It is hugging them when you feel like pushing them away. It is telling them how much they are to you. It is putting this person above even yourself. It is developing a friendship and putting that person above your friends and family. Your husband/wife should be the single most important person in your life. It takes work and most are to into themselves or lazy to work at it. A friendship is the best thing to give your partner along with a healthy dose of appreciation.
486193
You are not a loser, you need a hug though. I am 24 myself and trust me you are not the only 24 yr. old who is going thru things. I am currently living back at home and I didn't want to but it's a roof over my head and I'm still alive. If you are really against the situation then you should be doing everything you can to get out of that situation, or else it's pointless to complain. As for the friend you lost, you never lose a real friend, there may be some seperation needed to sort out feelings and to clear your head but if it's a real friend they will come around, if not, what else can you do put pick up the pieces and keep on moving, life goes on you know. You seem to have just hit a rough patch in your life where everything is just going wrong, but it will get better. I don't know if you are religious but God has a way of working things out.  Maybe you should try having a different outlook on life and yourself. A young lady or woman doesn't typically go for the guy who is always down on himself and who THINKS he's a LOSER. If you think that why should anybody else think any different? You have to get some confidence in yourself, have a life self-pride. Be proud of who you are and what you have, alot of people have far less or nothing. When life gives you lemons make lemonade. By that I mean make the best of and try to see the silverlining in every situation, whether it's good or bad. Don't sit around being envious of what others are doing or what they have, because I'm sure it took time and effort on their part to get whatever they have, but go out and get your own, your way. You can only be yourself, definitely not your sisters, they found their way, so you have to find yours. You still young, remember everyone does things differently and in their own time, so stop being your own worst critic. All the best.
277614
Get over it, deal with the pain, and move on! I was married to a woman for 25 years, and one day when I came home from work, she had moved out and moved in with another man, just like that. It hurt  like crazy, but I dealt with the pain, and moved on. Never been happier in my entire life!!!
456197
Sweetie, if the guy was married than you had nothing at all an if yall shared such a deep connection why aren't you with him now?Maybe what you should do first is get to know yourself first. Trying being alone and seeing what its like for awhile. If you feel lost because you don't have a man that makes others think that your weak. You should be independent rather your with someone or not. All I'm trying to say is that, how can you be devoted to someone who's already married? What would you do if the tables were turned and you were his wife??? Just don't get lost in the midst of needing someone, and having to have someone-figure out who you are and see how far that gets you!
453398
Wow, the answers you got so far sure cover the spectrum! I'm always amazed by those who are so quick to tell you exactly what to do, especially not knowing you or all the details of your situation. Only you know those, and only you can decide what course of action to take. I can sympathize, I'm in the exact same situation only in reverse. I call my wife my room mate because you don't usually fool around with a room mate. We just grew apart and she has nothing to do with me. Like you, I am hurt, angry and very lonely. I too struggled with this dilemma. If you're like me, the rest of your life is probably pretty good. You're just not happy, lacking what you desperately need. You sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of your marriage, your life, and everything you've built with this man. You also have regrets, many people marry thinking the other will change. When they don't, it's a disappointment. People only force change if they want to. he is who he is. For me, I've met a very special lady. I'm tired of being miserable. I believe everything happens for a reason. Being with another woman may finally help me see which course of action to take. I honestly have no idea how this will play out. As for you, you have to decide what you want out of life.
120193
There is really no way to just cope if you love the person and don't feel like they are giving you the attention, love and affection you need. I have found that things are alot easier when I stay busy and try to keep my mind off certain things that remind me of the negative things. I try many things to keep myself busy from going to eat or have a beer after work to playing online games or just doing some school work. If you have children together it makes things harder because you want to kinda put on a show and spend time with the kids togeather. If you don't have kids I would suggest finding some friends separate from your spouse. Spend some time with them or just plain talking to someone about it helps so much.
25025
I agree totally with ft402003, and I might add that I was just platonic friends with my husband for TEN LONG YEARS before we knew we loved each other.  TEN YEARS!!!!  That is a long time, buddy.  My sister told me once that friends make the best spouses, and I thought YUCK!  But, she was totally right.  When you talk to your "friend", you might tell her to not be afraid to go a step further, and to not be repulsed by it.  Let her know that you are just as afraid as her.  But, whatever you do, don't let her get away.  It is better to tell her how you feel than to keep suffering.  And if she doesn't go for it, then it is HER loss.  Not yours.  HERS.
228005
I wouldn't. There were a few times I had planned too, and my supposed great friend the internet buddy blew me off. That's why I stick to my husband. I'm honestly happy for once in my life and I feel complete. I need noone else.
430041
On the one hand, it is perfectly normal to have a close friend you can turn to outside of a marriage just to talk about things from a different perspective.\n\nOn the other hand, when you are talking about more than friendship, if nothing else you should think about how your husband might feel if and when he finds out.  (How would *you* feel if you found out your husband was having an affair with an old friend, even someone you knew?)  The longer your affair goes on, the more likely it is he will find out, even if he is trusting enough not to be looking for it.\n\nIf what you really need is just a friend to talk to about things, someone you can just chill with occasionally, then by all means don't discard your old best friend -- but if that is what you really want, then stick to being friends.  If things are going further than friendship there then you need to ask yourself what it is that you really need besides another friendly face to talk to.... is it purely physical?  Is it emotional, the idea of extra attention?  \n\nIf something is lacking in your marriage, try talking to your husband about it.  Guys aren't real good about talking about emotions, but we are even worse at reading minds.  Your husband will be pretty slow to clue in that something's not right if you don't tell him.  --Besides, you might be surprised.  If the guy really loves you, chances are he will do his best to make you happy again.\n\nIf it isn't so much that you are feeling like anything is lacking in your marriage at all, but you just like having "something extra"... well.... how fair is that for your husband?  Being in a committed relationship means a certain amount of compromise and sacrifice -- you can't just go out and do anything you want regardless of your partner.  In a good relationship, though, the relationship itself is worth a lot more than what you have to give up.  \n\nIf your affair is worth more to you than your marriage, then maybe you should think things through a little more carefully.
169065
Are you officially married?  Do you love the person your with? Were your guests your close friends and family?  If yes, then most likely, the guests were just happy to be there to share such a joyous event.  What the event looked like, or actually cost, or what the service was like, means nothing compared to the joy, happiness, friendship, and company that's shared on a wedding day.  If you still feel upset about the reception, invite some of your closest friends/relatives, and throw a backyard bbq or small dinner.  That way, you can share some special time with the people you care about without having to worry about everything working out perfectly.\n\nCongratulations! Best of luck with your new marriage!
238429
Dave,\n\nYes, marriage is hard work for both spouses You each have to give 110% into the marriage. If you are having some issues about what is happening in your relationship and I believe that what you have written you do, I would seek the advice of a marriage counselor for both of you.\n\nFrom what I am reading into your question, it appears that your wife views that you are the cause of her unhappiness. Your discussions and arguments need to be focused on what is going on in the relatonship not about about blame and shame. There are some communication tools that you can use in your conversations with your wife that may be helpful.\n\nThis requires that you develop the skill of detachment. If you can keep your emotions under control, then you can share with your wife what you see is happening and how you feel about it. Here is an example: " Honey,I love you very much and only want the best for us. Because I want the best I am sharing this with you now, When you continually find fault with everything I do, I become frustrated, confused, angry, and hurt. I know that we are both human and that we both love each other. Can we sit down and see how we can we work things out.\n\nThis may or may not work depending on what is the cause of your wife's behavior. Regardless, you need to take control of your own behaviour and detach from your wife. If you work on yourself and become the best person you can for you, not for her then you will begin to feel good about who you are and not rely on her for your feelings of self worth.\n\nI wish you well! Surround yourself with a support system of friends who can be there for you in this time of diffculty.\n\nThere may come a day when you have to say: Honey, I love you very much and want to stay married to you. It seems however that you are unhappy in this relationship with me. If you do not want to stay married to me let me know and because I love you, I will let you go.
510649
Will she go to counseling with you? She said her feelings have changed. Well, doesn't everyone's feeling change as we grow older? You don't still have the giddy feeling but still love your spouse. Maybe when you were a stay at home dad, she lost some respect and thought she was more important and found she can supposrt herself and really doesn't need anyone else. Before you give up, try counseling, with or without her. Maybe you will decide you can live without her too.
221037
No, I wouldn't want to stay married because I feel trapped in marriage. I felt like I just, "settled" with my husband out of fear of being alone. I think he did the same, but is too proud to admit it. We aren't each others soul mate because we have NOTHING in common and do not have the same expectations in life. We simply got comfortable with each other and left it that way.
71128
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
128875
Your late husband will ALWAYS know what is going on with you and his boys.  He still loves you, and wants you all to be happy.  If (and when) you meet another man, know that he understands.  He is gone, but you still have a life to continue with.  I can not say I know how you feel.  If I lost my husband, I would have a VERY hard time going on without him.  You have 2 sons to live for and help thru this awful time.  God love you all.