When you ask your niece, daughter, grandchild to pull your finger and then pass gas, will you blow up if no one pulls your finger?  \n\nOh, and this had nothing to do with Haggis, it just sounded kinda neat in the subject line.
200302
Hmmm.... well considering my gas is pretty deadly.. I waould say yes..... Its a good thing someone always pulls my finger..
411011
Ummm  ok and how did  Ms. Debs take recienving a pair of knickers instead of the intended gloves ??  Leave the Comedy to Sir Benny Hill please or to Sir Monte Python.  LMAO  Like there is a Sir Monte Python.   Oh well At least I am funnier than you.\n\nIn case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods: \nOn a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. \nOn a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.) \nOn a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. \nOn a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.) \nOn Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down. \nOn Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating. \nOn packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. \nOn Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." \nOn Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. \nOn most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) \nOn a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) \nOn Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." \nOn an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." \nOn a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.) \nOn a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."\n\nA couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses. \n\nOn the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." \n\nThe wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. \n\nThe husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost." \n\nThey walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. \n\nA man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?" \n\n"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. \n\n"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." \n"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." \n"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. \n"I want a house in every country of the world," she said. \n"Consider it done," the genie replied. \n"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said. \n"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." \nThe husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." \nThe genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. \nAfter it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" \n"Thirty-five," she replied. \n"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."\n\nTwo men were sitting next to each other at a bar.\nAfter a while, one guy looks at the other and say
471632
Dear Amy,\n\nThe Elves and I are working hard on granting superpowers this holiday season. Kids seem to be requesting them all over the place. I'm blaming that Heroes show. Most are asking for X-ray vision, but we've also had many requests for teleportaion and invisibility.\n\nI miss the days when all they wanted were rocking horses. The Elf Carpenters' Guild has been very morose these past few decades. And our new Elf Computer Guild has been working so hard year after year that they don't know what to do with themselves. But now that we're trying to develop superpower granting, a lot of them are asking if they can be juiced up with the ability to bend time like that Hiro guy.\n\nAnyway, I'm rambling. Only a month and a half to go, and we're still trying to find a way to grant kids flight. It's going to be quite a season. \n\nSorry to dump all of this on you, Amy. I just wanted you to know where we stand. So it's teleportation and invisibility for you. I'll make sure the Elves know. Thanks, and take care.\n\nLove,\nSanta
366668
OK this is TRUE...  My mother, wanting to get alittle healthier as she ages, decided to take some "wheat grass" for its nutrients.  It comes in a green, rather powdery form that you should mix with some water and drink it down.  Well she didn't mix it with water and instead took a tablespoon and tried swallowing it plain.\n\nShe must of taken a little breath and then began to choke but didnt want to waste this expensive nutrient so she tried to hold it in and get it down.  Well she ended up coughing while still trying to hold the wheat grass in, she shot out puffs of green numerous times.  She looked like a dragon trying to use its power for the first time.  We almost died laughing at this sight!  Wish you could of been there!!  Her new nickname is "Puff the magic dragon" or just "Puff" for short!
520367
What does this have to do with marriage/divorce?  It's in the wrong category..\n\nI don't have an answer for you.  We don't tickle in our house, since it has been argued that it may be a form of child abuse.  (Some people can feel violated by too much tickling).
198679
Hi, Jen....wow...I have experienced simliar scenario......the drup thing with strange family members reason enough to say...no thanks.....I really dislike the idea of being around that type of crowd....not wishing to be snobby.....but...I am with you 100%....James
81638
Dear Granny,\nOh granny what big teeth you have, "all the better to eat you with". "They also come in handy for peeling oranges cleaning fish. Can you see my colgate ring of confidence."\nSorry Granny, I couldn't resist. On the upside, I am now recieving counciling!
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Actually..there was a lady i knew that always asked that and would walk away when she asked so I knew she didnt really care..so one day when she asked and I responded with..\nWell my hemmmorhoids are flaring up, my dog just peed on my shoe and my husband is screwing the mailman..but other than that..I am great, how are you?\nShe never asked again!\nDo it..it works!   :-)
374417
Oh, boy.  Here's a true story for you.\n\nA teacher of my acquaintance was once insulted in class by a young lad who had recently learned how to give the finger.\n\nThe teacher was shocked, of course, but struggled to ignore the boy.\n\nWell, the boy kept it up, and the teacher sensed he was starting to lose control of the class (NEVER lose control of the class, as you know!).\n\nHe casually walked to the boy, keeping his eyes on the class, continuing his lecture.  He seized the boy's upraised finger, and held on.\n\nThe harder the boy struggled to free himself, the firmer the teacher held it.  After a good five minutes, the teacher let go, not once having indicated that he was paying attention to anything but the lecture.\n\nThe moral of the story:  don't let them get your goat!
37047
"Ripe"?  Few who smoke all their lives are amongst those not affected, so I wouldn't bet my life to be amongst one of those few.  There is no answer as to why some do not appear to be affected, but over the years I have seen my share...who smoke, drink more than occassionally and eat all the wrong stuff every day of their lives....and live to be older than the hills...so to speak.  The luck of the draw I guess...strong genes, great outlook on life....they have been some of my "funner" patients, even when sick!  Go figure!
526961
Very funny.  Now tell us a true story. \n\nDrunkeness is no excuse for any behavior and I'm sure you know it.\n\nSue
36312
I hadn't heard about this.  If they indeed tried to hide the fact from the public, it's a horrid disservice to those with allergies.  My kids are allergic to everything and it's so hard.  People just don't understand the severity of it all until you live with it.  Too many "well-meaning" people have made my kids sick.  When they were little, I finally made them pins that read, "DO NOT FEED ME without talking to Mom!"  Sometimes even that didn't work! Ughhhh!
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Hi! I'm sorry to hear that. 7 Of Spades and I are still praying for her. Are you her sister? I must tell you that I posted many pleas for prayer and I was sure to phrase it in there form of a question and I was STILL reported. Please be careful! If it isn't phrased to everyone's liking, someone will report you. My question was deleted because someone wouldn't show sympathy. Luckily, I posted many qs for her and received lots of answers. Sorry, I misspelled her name. My source was very upset when he typed it and I used what was given.
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I have no answer to this question, I am merely taking up space to cause further annoyance.\n\nTherefore....  picklepants!
590620
Well, there was this Yahoo Answers user who was being really mean to me, my sisters and my YA friends, she'd been emailing us, but when I mentioned it to a certain person, her emails stopped! Coincidence? Maybe. Oh, and there was the time my sisters put a hex on someone, that was fun!
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I didn't try. Someone in my family try to do that to me I told them I was going to fart and they lit the lighter up and put it near my @ss. My family likes to joke around lol\n\n\n\nRock on!
573834
I have heard (from radio therapists, etc.) that it is completely normal for children to be curious that way.  Even that siblings under the age of ten usually have some sort of sexual interaction. I remember messing with the girl across the street.  Does that help?