Two Trolls walk into a bar...\n\nWhat happens next? Most original..WINS !!!
215722
One says to the other, "Don't get short with me"!\n\nBa- dum- BUM!!
282725
I still want to know what atheist candy tastes like.  Uh-oh, now I'm starting to sound dirty.  I'm just kidding, atheist candy.  Or am I.  ;)\n\nMJ Flowergirl:  You need reality.  Seriously.
644302
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.\n\nThe bartender says, "Hey pal, what's up with the steering wheel attached to your crotch"\n\nand you MUST say this aloud in your most convincing pirate voice!\n\n"Arrrgh! It's driving me nuts"
441432
It's about time someone came up with a new blonde joke. This is hilarous. I would have never guessed what she was going to say at the end. Very good. I'll give you a 10 on the scale of 1-10. You also got a thumbs up. Great joke...got any more..?
174311
lol, that like the one where an asian walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "Give me a right" the bartender hauls off and knocks him right in the kisser,  when he stands up he says "ret me rephrase that Give me a Bud Right..."
396019
No weirdo's yet\nIf a canoe with 6 wheels is rolling down a hill, how many pancakes will it take to build a doghouse?\nIn a good mood, yes I am, bad mood, leave me alone
673270
Rofl...\n\nheres a joke for you...\n\nA young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".\n\nInstantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.\n\nThis time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".\n\nAgain, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off!
665094
Another guy, who met this same genie, walks into the bar.  Riding on his shoulders is a guy who is only about a foot tall.  The first thing the little guy does is make fun of the guy with the small head.  Then he insults all the other patrons.  Then he orders a  beer from the bartender, shouting, "C'mon, Moron!  Does it take you all day to sling a simple glass of suds?  What an idiot."  \n\nWell, the little guy, even after he gets his beer, continues to mutter abuse and profanities under his breath.  Meanwhile, the guy whose shoulder the little guy is sitting on starts taking with and comparing notes with the man with the small head.  After Tiny Head tells his story, he asks the other guy what he had wished for.\n\n"Me?" He points to the one foot tall guy on his shoulder who is still muttering rude remarks, "I told the genie I wanted a twelve inch prick."
80880
I think they're funny.\n\nHere's one for you:\n\nThis guy goes into a bar after a promotion to celebrate with his buddies. After a few drinks he notices, behind the bar, a big jar stuffed with $50 bills, so he asks the bartender about it.\n\nThe bartender replies, "Oh that's just a running bet we have here. You gotta pay $50 into the pot & if you complete 3 tasks, you win the whole jar. As you can see, no one has ever won."\n\nAfter a few more beers & 2 shots of Tequila, the man announces in a slightly tipsy voice, "Screw it, I just got a raise. I can afford to lose $50!" & he slams a $50 on the bar. "OK. What do I gotta do?"\n\n"Well," says the bartender "like I said, there are 3 tasks. First you gotta finish a whole bottle of our homemade 200 proof Fire Water, after that you gotta help my pit bull tied up out back. He's got a sore tooth & you have to go pull it out for him. If you survive THAT, you have to go upstairs & persuade the lady upstairs to have sex with you. She's a virgin & she's 106 years old. Raping her is obviously out of the question."\n\n"Fair enough" said the half-drunk man. The alcohol coursing through his veins had emboldened him. "Gimme that Fire Water!" & lo & behold, he managed, to everyone's shock to finish the whole bottle without pause. \n\nBarely able to keep the contents of his stomach down, he was turned & nudged, by the astonished bartender in the direction of the back door, where the dog was tied up outside. The man stumbled drunkenly through the door & bravely slammed it closed behind him. A fierce barking, accompanied by breaking glass, garbage cans smashing, yelling & groaning erupted outside. After a minute or so of this racket, a loud dog yelp, followed by it's whining was heard.\n\nShortly afterwards, the man stumbled back through the door, his clothes torn, blood dripping from multiple bite wounds & looking like he'd been hit by a truck.\n\nThen demanded in a drunken slurred voice, "OK. NOW WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!!"
390696
Captain and Coke. And thanks. I'll get the next round.\n\nHey, should we all order up some nachos or something?
7382
A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had \ngreat seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he asked \nher how she liked the experience. \n \n"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and \nall the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." \n \nDumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" \n \n"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest \nof the game, all they kept screaming was: Get the quarterback! Get the \nquarterback!' Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!"
315035
my best joke is long but it isn't super long take a look at it please...\n\n3 guys are walkin in a tropical forest, suddenly they come upon canivals, the canival king say that he will not eat them if they can pass his test, the king explains to the three guys that they all must go out into the forest and bring back 10 of one type of fruit, so all three of the guys head out...\n\nlater the first guy comes back with ten appels,\nthe king explains that to pass the test they must have all the fruit shoved up their butt with out a single emotion shown, so they begin putting in the fruit the first and second appels go in and then on the third one the guy screams out in pain, he is eatin...\n\nLater the second guy comes back with 10 blue berries,\nthe king explains the task to pass his test and they begin shoving,\nthe first 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 berries go in and suddenly the guy burst out laughing..\n\nso up in heaven the first and second guy meet, the first guy asks the second guy " why did you laugh you could have gottin away with it" the secong guy replies \n"i couldn't help it i saw the third guy coming back with pinapples!"
423310
I actually got that one! LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL!!!!! Can you e-mail some other jokes to me like that one? my address is dogloverkm@yahoo.com   thanks!
502875
Same driver, deaf and dumb party. They all go into pub for a drink and driver asks barman to take care of them while he has a kip in the coach. Barman says there is a problem as how does he know what they want if they can't tell him. Coach driver sorts out a system of signals for beer/spirits ie 1 finger for lager 2 for whisky etc. and then goes for a kip.\nAn hour later the barman is hammering on his coach. He tells the driver that he can't understand what they want as he can't understand the signals. What are they doing asked the driver? They are all stood at the bar opening and closing their mouths and making silly smiley faces.\nOh god said the driver we'll never get them on the coach now! Why said the barman?\nThey are all f-cking singing.
19571
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the\nbalcony.\n\n"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.\n"Help us, help us!" yells the other.\n"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.\n"Good idea," said the other.\n"Together, together!"
245540
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.\n\n"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. "The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"\n\n"Moses," Replied the bird.\n\n"Moses" the burglar laughed.\n\n"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"\n\nThe bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!
571576
OK those jokes are pretty good and i also have one here waiting for you\n\nWhat did the pirate say after someone asked why there was a steering wheel in his pants.\n\nhe says: Argghh its driving me nuts! hehe sorry its kinda dirty but it was good (to me it was good)