Friend1: I don't wanna die, man. Get me to a hospital..\n\nFriend2: You're gonna be okay, man. Here, take a smoke..\n\nMe: Sssh.. Shut it.. I think we're being followed..\n\nFriend2: What? Let me see... (sneaks at the window) What the.. man, isn't that the chic from the block this morning?\n\nMe: What? What are you talkin about? (sneaks too.) Man, yeah that is her, what's she doing here?\n\nFriend1: What's goin on, man?
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run cornelius runnnnn @ )( @
84016
friendship:\n\n1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.\n\n2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.\n\n3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.\n\n4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.\n\n5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.\n\n6. When you are confused - I will use little words.\n\n7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don 't want whatever you have.\n\n8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass\n\nThis is my oath...I pledge it till the end Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend.\n\n\n\nRemember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel
129333
I hope you know that: A. you are going to die sooner that normal, And B: Watch what you say, jailbird. you are singing your way home.
592008
electirc train can't blow smoke\nDes-my name\n\nQuestion: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?\nAnswer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. \n\n"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, \n\n"Where did you get that?"\nThe pig replied, \n"I won her in a raffle!"\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.\n\nThinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.\n\nShe showed him the instructions on the tin, \n\n"For best results, put on two coats".\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.\nFirst Blonde: \n\n"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!\nSecond Blonde: \nWell you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.\n\n\nThe first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, \n\n"I think they could be bird tracks."\n\nThe second blonde went to look and said, \n\n"No, I think these are deer tracks."\n\nThey stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,\n\n\n"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, \n\n"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.\n\nSure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, \n\n"I can't take this, you're my friend."\nBut the blonde insisted saying, \n"No. A bet's a bet."\n\nThen the redhead said \n\n"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."\n\nThe blonde replied \n\n"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"\n\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.\n\nWhen she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in
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the Last part ho*** is H o r n e y ..\n\nThree women were all pregnant at the same time so they all carpooled to their first doctor’s appointment. On the way there one woman said, " I was on bottom during sex so I will have a boy". The second one said, "Well, I was on top during sex so I will have a girl". The third girl started to cry and said, " Oh my goodness, I’m having Puppies".\n\n1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. \n2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh. \n3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you. \n4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. \n5. It’s very, very important that these four women don’t know each other. \n\nPaddy was walking to the pub when he saw a woman lying unconscious in the road so \nhe called for an ambulance. \nThe Operator asked for his location and Paddy told her it was Eucalyptus Boulevard. \nThe Operator said, ’ Can you spell that please.’ \nPaddy replied, ’ Hang on I’ll drag her round to Oak Street.’
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1, [TIME]-I'm living on borrowed time.\n                 Video games require such an expenditure of time.\n[LIFE]- My marriage was just a pit stop on the road to Mandalay.\n            I don't know  what lies ahead on the road to success.\n[PEOPLE]- She withered away in sadness after he left her.\n             She wrapped her arms around me like a vine on a\n             trellis.\n[UNDERSTANDING]- I preach, I rant, but you just don't see!\n                    In order to understand relativity, you must first visualize yourself on a stationary boat where the shore is always floating away from you.\n\n2. Cheer up! \n    Nobody knows you when you're down and out.\n            Your frown brings me down.   I was up $300, but I left a loser.       Better put in some oil.  You're down 2 quarts. \nIt may rain too much in Seattle, but there is an up side to living there.     Don't look down on me just because I am poor.\n\n3. [TIME]  I sit alone writing songs while time rolls past my window.\n    The past is in the graveyard, the future is on the red eye to the pearly gates.\n[COMMUNICATION]  She funnelled her hopes and dreams  into a  pint bottle and threw them overboard.  \nThey hoped the march would send the president  a message.\n[ANGER] He was so pertubed he nearly boiled over with vitriol, and steam was pouring out of his ears.\nShe was a seething cauldron of molten lava, waiting  for a chance to erupt.\nI hope these are what you were looking for.\n\nCheers.
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1. I have a feelng that somethilng weird is going to happen.\n2. If you arrive later than him, the best things will have gone.\n3. Watch out! the car is going to fall\n4. I don't think you'll have any problems with the kids.\n5. What time will your plane going to leave\n6) Leave the keys on the table. Maybe he will see them.
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1.)c 2.)c 3.)c    .................I beleive deeply in always staying by my friends side and helping them out no matter how small or big the problem may be i mean you cant have true friends if u aint a true friend right.
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Maybe after:\n\n1. HER DIARY\n\nTonight I thought he was acting weird.\n\nWe had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.  Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.  I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing.  I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.  He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.\n\nOn the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.\n\nFinally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted  and his thoughts were somewhere else.\n\nHe fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do.  I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.\n\n2.  HIS DIARY \n\nI shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
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1.  bad day\n2.smack that\n3. everything...
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Me: Dude this guy is boring!\n\nFriend: Yo dude! Yeah you! Why don't you enroll suicide bombing?\n\nMe: (laughs)
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1) Another person in your family will be next (implies killed)\n2) If I tell you who shot your Father will you meet me?\n3) If you won't, i will meet you anywhere, your husband and I are always in the same bus\n4) So, I will see you tonight at Maza, i like this, just like you do; i saw you there last night\n5)Maybe it's only your husband who doesn't know about your secret. Does he know about it?\n6) So, just leave your spouse, anyway you are just fooling him\n7) leave your husband and find a new one, where is he from?\n8) Last night i saw you, you went somewhere, i really wanted to let you know....\n9) I want you not to cancel\n10) Have you forgotten me, where do you think we can meet now?\n11) hello, how are you codlen, this is pooter your ex\n12) send me a text if you are going to the public market, i will give you a ride on my tricyle so that you will know me\n13) if you want to see me, then right there in Motor Trade, what time do you want?\n14) I will wait for you at the corner\n15) Hello how are you. if you won't, it is up to you but you will not know what i know.\n\nI hope this helps - it certainly is rather alarming.....
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Sick....But funny...\nI was stopped in the street late week by a charity worker...\nHe said can you spare a moment for cancer research....\nOK i said but i won't find out much....
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1. I sent u a friend (or a little friend)\n2. u were wrong with attacking me\n3. u have no idea who u're dealing with (or messing with)
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"i can be your best friend...or your worst enemy."\nJim Carry in The Cable Guy\n\n"I CANT LIE"\nJim Carry in Liar Liar
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LAMO!\nThat was funny!\nHere are some more:\n\n\nThings You DON'T Want to Hear During Surgery\n\n\n\n"Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."\n\n"Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"\n\n"Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie."\n\n"Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."\n\n"Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"\n"Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"\n\n"Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off."\n\n"What's this doing here?"\n\n"I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."\n\n"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!"
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a. Dick finally decided which boat to buy.\n    Dick made his decision while on the boat.\n\nb.  We were shocked that they appointed the professor.\n      The results of the professor's appointment with his\n      doctor were shocking.\n\nc. The design has big squares and various sizes of circles.\n    The design has big squares and big circles.\n\nd.The sheep dog has too much hair around his mouth so \n    he  cannot eat his food.\n    The sheepdog is too hairy for us to eat him.\n\ne. Could this be the hair tonic that the invisible man uses?\n     Could this be the man's hair tonic which is invisible?\n\nf.  The governor is a street fighter who fights dirty (uses unfair tactics)\n     The governor is a street fighter who is not very clean.\n\ng.  I really cannot give him a good recommendation.\n      I have more good things to say about him than I have time\n      to say them.\nh  Terry loves his wife and I love my wife.\n     Terry loves his wife and I love her too.\n\ni.  Yesterday, they  told me she would go soon.\n     They said yesterday was the day she was supposed to leave.\n\nj.  There is a section available where no smoking is allowed , \n     apart from the smoking section.\n    There is no section available where smoking is allowed.\n\nHope this helps you out.  Please study these so you will understand what is meant by ambiguity.\nEnjoy your Sunday!