Recently my mom heard from her long "lost" half brother.It has been almost 30 years since her dad left her to raise his new son from his mistress. The only time her dad ever called was for money or to inform her she was going to hell (He was extremely abusive to her and she has confessed to me she is scared to death that he had molested her when she was younger. She knows she was but has blocked out by who. Her dad is now in a nursing home and her half brother won't stop calling her or dropping in unannounced. It is really starting to upset her and I am wanting to confront him and ask what his intentions are towards her. He claims he only wants to get to know her and her sisters but yet he constantly brings up that he needs money & a place to live now since their dad is put away. He is in his mid 30's now and since he has been born my mom only remembers seeing him a handful of times. She desperately wants a "normal" family but I think this guy is BAD news for her!!! What would you do?
215127
Tell him that if he really wanted to "just get to know" them it is inappropriate to discuss his financial and living situations. Tell him if his intentions are good to meet in neutral area like having lunch with her in a public place where they can ask each other questions etc.\n\nMaybe his intentions are good, but like you I would be sceptical. It sounds to me he is too much like his father.
468297
This poor girl is so traumatized that she doesn't know what she is feeling or how to get control of her life. The abuse she is subjected to has made her life become so severely distorted that her priorities are mismanaged. She is beyond knowing who she loves and too paralyzed with fear to know what is a right course of action for her. She is obviously easily manipulated both by what ever "stuff" you were telling her and by being trapped in this dead end abusive relationship with the monster boyfriend. To further compound her desperation she has fallen pregnant. You're correct. It is appalling. So much so that the abusive rat-friend of hers has taken total control of her life. Don't think for one minute that it was her decision not to see you anymore. What ever she has "stated" to you is through his will because she has no will of her own.  Her life is in complete control by that bastard she is shackled to. That pig is calling the shots. He's the one who has forbidden her to call you. He's the one who has brainwashed her into marrying. \nYou need to ask yourself how much you care about her. If you do care enough how can you intervene on her behalf to get her away from the abuse? It's almost impossible to get someone out of an abusive situation unless they are willing to do so. For her she would need a whole network of support.  For sure that guy needs to be locked up. Just hope that he doesn't kill her to make that happen. If he's hospitalized her once it's likely to get even worse. For now just wait and see what happens. She may soon come running back to you.
43723
wow that is very messed up...dont hate your moms hate her husband because he may have been the one who talked her into it..he may have threatened her or even he had been abusing her all along in secret...(she doesnt have to have bruises to show she has been abused..threats are verbal abuse as well) and she may have been scared of him.
572766
She needs a good attorney to help her. Those are not always easy to find. She needs support, some friends and family to go with her to court, etc. Usually abusers like that are repeats, find out if he has abused anyone else. If that woman he was seeing had a daughter, I will lay good money out that he has molested her too. That is why he went after the mother...to get to the daughter. That is a typical m.o. of these perverts. \n\nJust because he is "a first timer" does not mean he should get off. She gets one life, no pardons for a new one. That needs to be stressed. Pressure should be put on the judge by public out cry. Bring it to the media, T.V. whatever if necessary if he gets off easy. You can find out how a judge has voted in cases previous to this, make sure that his attorney isn't call all the shots.\n\nShe must get counseling by someone NOW (a female) who is experienced in counseling women of abuse such as this, she needs to do that above everything else. The good she did in bringing him this far is fantastic, she needs to know how brave she is for doing that. \n\nBy going to a good counselor, she can talk out what she has been through and going through now with this case. It takes the stress off her mind and she verbalizes it. The counselor is also a support to her, reassuring her.
602933
I can understand what you are going through. The first call I made was the day my granddaughter was born. My daughter was using drugs and leaving the baby with whoever would take her for days at a time. Everytime I called to report her, I was told that they would have to catch her in the act. Even though she had been caught in the act on more than one occasion, the baby was not taken from her until she was ten months old. That was almost six months ago and now I'm fighting the foster care agency and child welfare. There are times that I wished I had never made those calls because now my grand baby is worse off than she was with her mother. She's been moved ten times in five months and has developed a fear of men. \n\nNot being a blood relative, there is little you can do legally but you can be supportive of your boyfriend.  He will need an attorney to get through this tough time. Perhaps you can suggest to the daughter that the two of you would be willing to keep the children until she is in a better position. I found out the hard way that attacking my daughter for her abusive behavior made matters worse. I finally accepted her the way she was and she slowly started to see that what she was doing was harmful. We are now working together to get the baby placed in my home and our relationship has blossomed.\n\nThere are many resources online that may help you. Try a search on kinship care and grandparent's rights in your area. I wish you all the best.
122509
this sound similar to what I went through. THe only difference is that my dad didn't step in. I pretty much grew up making mistates and learning from them on my own. I don,t recommend this at all. Get involved with her. Don't punish cause at this age they think that parents don't know any thing. Try to spend quality time with her and gradually talk about whats going on in her life. Remind her that you love her and want the best for her. Let her know that for any reason, you are there for her. Somewhere in your conversations ask her about her boyfriend. Even if you have to pretend, make her think that you see where she is coming from. 16 year olds need to know that their dad will be there for all of their life, even the mistakes. My dad just pretty much let me live and learn. I think I turned out o.k. but I still wish I would of had the guidance from my dad. My mom died when I was 10 and it was really hard for him, but he did not seek help. I really hope that things get worked out. Don't give up and try your best to be involved with your CHILD. She is still your child. The mom needs a good talking to. She is alot of the reason that your daughter is doing what she is doing. Explain your concerns and she is you can meet in the middle some where or at least come to some understanding on why this is not appropriate. She has alot of influence on her. Good luck.  Contact me and let me know how it goes.
576566
That's just sick.  No matter how respectful and nice this guy may seem he's really a total creep.  I'm 24 and there's no way in hell I would hang out with a 13 year old unless I was related to them.  It's obvious he's going to mess up your sister so badly.  Tell your parents about what this guy is doing.  Your sister may hate you for telling on her, but when she's older and more mature she'll be very thankful.  This guy can screw her over for the rest of her life, or cause her years of therapy.
489904
I wonder how old is this child? if it were me and moms not doing so well I would try talking to the child and explain moms situation. The child may feel like shes losing her mom and doesn't understand how to cope. When I was a tennager I threatened my mom and she has someone come over from the juvenile court to "TALK" to me.... That scared the S!@# out of me and I didn't behave that way anymore.  as far as KY law you could always have someone you know that the child doesn't and have them lie to her and scare her.. At 13 My son thought he could get away with anything and I had a friend (who's in the military) come over in uniform with some phoney brouchers about military school... All BS I made them on my computer.... well it worked my son hasn't acted nasty in a long time that was over a year ago...Right or wrong you need to find a way that works for you because in the end your the adult and they can't forget that...
228691
No you are not one sided you have a voice of concern he needs to be told about what he is doing and to be made to understand the consequences behind his actions or else. That simple!\n\nIt sounds like to me that mom's is giving out excuses for his behavior and she too needs a reality check to or else she will be in for a lot of heartache herself.\n\nMy best advice to you is if mom's don't want to handle the problem then you step in and let him know what the score is!\nBut he needs to be told and told soon before he goes to prison for a long time or wind up dead somewhere.\n\nBut somebody has to step up to the plate on this and help him because he sounds like he is in some real problems, and he doesn't know it yet.\n\nYou be that person to do what has to be done, just to save her and him from pain.\n\nGood luck:)
497792
hello, It would be beneficial for you to sit down with your daughter and talk to her about her dad. Please for her sake, try to understand her point of view about her dad, he may have mistreated you and her, but ultimately he is her dad, and she may be struggling with abandonment issues, and hurting so much that she is self sabotaging your relationship with her, to prove to herself that no one cares, and that everyone is unrealiable. \nIt is confusing for her but if you can not portray your negatity about your ex, or that situation, and try to remain nuetral... allow her to talk to you about her feelings , she'll gain respect for you and will listen to your rules in time. \nIt is clear that she is trying to manipulate you, and she may be playing on your heart strings, " Mom won't do anything, cuz she doesn't want to loose me." \nIt is hard as a mother, because we are not portrayed as authoritative, but you need to stand your ground no matter how much she laments, and cries, hollars... don't give in. If she doesn't do something she needs to be shown that there are consequences to her negative actions. \nAsk who her friends are, and when they come over, quiz them, ask them " so where do you live? what does your mom and dad do? " Chat them up in a friendly manner so she doesn't realize it's the third degree, and her friends will say " Hey your mom is cool!" They'll want to hang at your house, and you'll be able to keep a better eye on her.
135533
i dont understand how in the world he took the kids away from their mother...that is something that is extremly hard to do in the courts...but i think that if she wants her family back that bad and feels like if she dont have her family back that theirs no meaning in her life then support her but also remind her to becareful and try to save some money on the side for herself just incase...maybe he really does love her and realized that the grass wasnt greener on the otherside and now he wants his old happy life back....just try and help her secretly save some money as a just incase fund....i wish your sister the best
168321
One thing is because your mother allows this man to treat her this way. Really there isn't a thing you can do except love your mom. She needs you more now than before. She will come to terms that he is doing something that is harmful to her and hopefully before it is to late...N
544429
Not that I've ever heard of. That is very uncommon and very wrong. This woman needs some intense therapy and so does her brother. The problems do most likely stem from the abuse they observed and/or suffered as children. Think about it--when you see something going on as a kid, you don't know it's wrong; it just is what it is. You think that's the way it should be. Sounds like this woman and her brother are maybe stuck in that thought pattern, although one would think that by now they would see it thru adult eyes and realize it's not normal. But for whatever reason, they don't see it that way. They need some serious counseling to dig thru the mountain of misconceptions, guilt, and sexual and emotional dysfunctions. I hope they can get this soon.
352166
I would go for satisfaction of telling the old s.o.b. off. Your mom knows how he is???? Why in the hell has she as the adult told that mean old man to lay off. My mom would have, i certainly would if anyone was to be mean or insulting to one of my kids. I would not care who it was. You should not have to put up with that cr*ap from no one, He must have realy self esteem issues to put you down. I would let him have it. There is no excuse for him.
76939
answer this: could you marry into a family like that? do you want to call the man who raped your sister your brother? I wouldnt. Nor would i want to call a woman who knew about it and didnt care "mom". who says the same thing couldnt happen to you?\nDo yourself a favor and get out. Your bf might be different from them, but he still has them in his life and i know i wouldnt want to deal with that.
599654
Wow that is sooo messed up on so many fronts.\nIt is so hard to watch someone be h*ll bent on messing their life up,but to know a innocent will be brought in to this is truly sad.\nI cannot imagine what kind of Mother this woman is who would find it ok that her daughter be having a child with a guy who she has only known for 2 weeks,and yet I am thinking if the Mother were any kind of a Mother her Daughter would know better than to do something so selfish.\nThis girl sounds incredibly immature,and the guy is obviously going to say whatever he can to get laid as often as he can,but it's guaranteed once that baby is born he will be gone.\nYou are right to voice your concern,but unfortunately it sounds as though she is going to do what she wants anyways and some poor child is going to be brought into this world without the benefit of a responsible,mature,loving and stable couple as Parents but rather just 2 people who had s*x.\nYou did all you can..but sometimes we just have to let go.
471126
It sounds like your sister has already given up on her relationship with her husband if she is openly talking to you about this other guy.  I would sit her down and tell her that she should try to find out what happened in her own relationship to make her so unhappy and get counseling.  Tell her if she decides to divorce it will be harder to split assets with a house together.  It isn't your place to tell her husband although you feel you should.  It would never end well for you.  Tell her how bad it makes you fell that she is deceiving her husband.  If things are so bad she should get a divorce first and look for another man second.  Maybe you could tell her that if she doesn't tell him before they buy a house together you will.(Even if you won't)  Maybe that will make her think twice and she will either tell him or not tell you the dirty details from now on.  Good Luck