What issues can I expect? she wants no kids, is tired of players & wants to settle down...I've been divorced 2 yrs out of 25 yr marriage..anyone been there done that, need your advice or opinions..thanks.
215541
I am 27 and my husband is 47. We've been extremely happily married for 1 year. You can expect to have some arguments because you are older and set in your ways and you have to understand she's not. But that doesn't mean it can't work. You'll both have to know when to cut each other some slack and remember what's most important.
474489
Maybe he is proposing a date with her.  I cannot imagine he is ready to jump in and get married without having a relationship first.  Besides, if she is only separated, that means she is still married, and he would be smart to stay out of her life until she is legally divorced.
410952
Hi lady, Ya know I am kinda the same boat. Ive been married twice, the first one for 14 years. She is a great lady and all but we just grew apart. The second one was right after my first!!!!!!!! Bad judgment on my part! I found my second wife, I think too soon, because I was so lonely. Ive been divorced from her for almost 4 years and Im very happy. I said all that to say this, I dont know your whole situation but after my second divorce I realized it was my turn. I didnt have a lot of friends and found myself at home a lot cleaning or reading a good book. Now that sounds boring , but I was content at that time. I needed more, as well as you, I wanted to have some fun , as you I didnt get in the bar scenes so I thought I was limited. Well guess what , the few friends I did have were waiting for me to ask the same question you asked.  First I started going to football games with friends then to some races and now we have a group that meets every saturday at rotating houses to watch the races and socialize. Ive really found a great group of friends both new and old and havent been to a bar yet. My advice to you is to turn to your friends and tell them your delima. I guess my answer is FRIENDS!  By the way Im 43 and now scuba dive, play tennis and many other things all due to my few friends! good luck , you sound like a great lady
433796
Were you aware of her diagnosis before marrying her and were you educated? I work with chronic mentally ill people and believe you me I know what you are talking about. It takes a very strong person to deal with BPD.  I have never seen anyone with BPD get better with age. They just learn bigger and better ways of getting attention. Very hard to deal with especially when they are in the world of "ME" that is how I describe them. They are worse than any 12 year old.  I think it depends on how much you are willing to put into this marriage and if you have the strength. I have a friend who stayed in his marriage for 16 years (has 11 yr old daughter he has custody of now) and I watched him suffer dealing with her being hospitalized and she was really abusive. He thought he was obligated to take care of her, therefore, neglecting himself. He is now divorced from her and still at times keeps in touch just to be sure she is safe. She is doing fine. They know how to get their way. Anyway, it just depends on you and how strong you are. Are you willing to live this way the rest of your life? Good Luck to you and God Bless!!!
22120
Maybe after talking the woman just doesnt feel a "connection" and doesnt know how to break it off without hurting feelings or losing someone they enjoy chatting with onlilne.  Hang in there.. I met my 2nd husband online and we have a great relationship with a 2 1/2 yr old now!!! Regardless if you meet her online or standing in line at the grocery store someones out there!!
19865
I have been in this same situation.  This is not advice, but how it transpired for me.  My ex-wife was not good for myself and my two sons.  I left her.  I had those same exact thoughts and dilemma on what to pray for. Take her back and get the good and the really bad.  Or go solo with two young children and deal with loneliness and single parent struggles.  What I realized was that my ex-wife was not doing what I believe was the will of GOD. And that was to take care of us and do what was pleasing to GOD.  So I opted to take the less traveled road and not go back. 14 years have passed since then.  I still have my sons.  I have my second wife now going on 12 years.  I have an adopted daughter who is almost 4.  My life is tremendously better than it was back then.  Why? I found a person who REALLY loved my sons and myself unconditionally. Also, she was a real living example of a Christian.  By the way, her first husband ditched her after she sent him through numberous colleges.  Funny how GOD works. Sometimes your answers will come in the most unusual ways.  GOD gives insight and wisdom to get you through. Take Care of yourself. You will do what is right.  Just remember, there can be great gain by experiencing loss.  Also, I am not an advocate of divorce. However, it is necessary for the welfare of the children and yourself if your spouse hardens their heart with no recourse after much prayer and pleading.
269631
Be patient.  Maybe she felt that yall were going a little fast and decided that she needed to slow things down a little bit.  She does have kids to think about you know.  Back off a little but not completely and stick around just slow it down a bit and see where things will go from there.
94001
Do some reading on pregnancy!! HORMONES are rotten and maybe you could go with her to the doctor and discuss the mood swings.  It's really important for you to be there for her.  \n\nI realize you are going through a nasty divorce, but in a sense you created this 'mess' by not finishing up the marriage and 'starting a new family' with someone else.  Now is the time to buck up and take it.......she needs your support and she is carrying your child!!  \n\nGo to the doctor with her and ask about the hormone issue - have the doc reassure the GF that it's hormones.. if it's exacerbated and uncontrolled see if the doc can do anything. The next thing you can do is read up on pregnancy .. books online whatever.. to help you cope.  She needs reassurance and support and it's only for a few more months.  :)  Good luck and Grats on the baby and the divorce :D
288032
You didnt mention why you separated, I think that is important to know to answer the question.  But anyhow yes it does sound like she wants to hold off on the divorce.  Its a good thing you have pets, it will give you both the opportunity to spend time together to know if you should get back together.  Unless your going to be single the rest of your life there is no getting away from emotional heartache.  Its a part of life and love.  Might as well try and work it out with someone who was good enough to be your wife in the first place.
236327
Mikey dude!! That totally sucks!!  LOL better be ready for her to give you divorce papers on your next birthday.  Time for a priority check!
206160
Well, obviously it is not a new idea to her, and it may be that your moodiness is exactly the problem that has made her think about it.  Honestly, you don't want to try to hold onto her if she wants to go, and you can always find someone new.  \n\nAs long as you have been married, you should have a little trouble getting use to dating again, but once you do you won't be sorry to be on your own.  \n\nThere are lots of single women out there to enjoy, so do it.  Let her go.  She has voiced it, and it is pretty much inevitable I think.\n\nYou could try counseling, if you want to save it, But you must do something.  Don't expect it to just go away.  Don't blame her for the timing.  Realize that this is something that has been building for some time.
467212
I'm a grown azz woman. I myself have two kids and a ex husband. He first would have to deal with that! I would deal with his situation as well. Kids come first or should in any type of relationship! \n\nMy ex BF had a child and our kids got along great. I use to talk to his "baby's momma" on the phone all the time to plan play dates and etc...What these girls now days need to understand is that you are with this man now. She was his past, she will always be a part of his past and future with the two of them caring for their child. If these girls cant handle what the ex looks like or how many times she calls you etc...then dump there azz. You nor your child deserves to be treated in any such way. Find yourself a woman that loves you and respects you and TRUSTS you no matter what! \n\nIve got mine finally and he is the best thing ever!!! My kids adore him and so does my ex husband!
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
82043
I'd assume he's ready to be a dad, ready for that kind of commitment.  I'm guessing she isn't ready for that yet, maybe won't ever be.  I'd guess it was time for this sweet guy to move on, find a relationship with someone new, maybe someone who also wants to be a parent. Men are lucky in that their biological clock isn't as insistent as a woman's.  He might want kids now, but he'll be able to wait until he finds the right person to have them with.
276039
this is one of the problems you encounter when you get involved with a guy that has an ex and kids. not much you can do. you didn't say how many kids he has but..she won't be able to get away with it forever, plus when he goes to the hearing he needs to let them know how much of a hardship she is creating for him. as far as child support goes they fill out financial statements etc. eventually the divorce will be granted whether she signs or not. aside from that, who cares what she is blaming it on? that doesn't change the reality of anything so don't even worry about that, it isn't worth the energy. if you really love him very much you won't let this come between you, you knew his situation when you started dating him, no point in complaining about it now, just deal with it the best way you can. she will eventually get over it and move on, it could be a long road though so just buckle down and hang in there and make sure he fights for himself and doesn't just hand her whatever she wants out of guilt. good luck to you, it will get better!
108950
Question, how is her relationship with her husband? Are they going through tough times and divorcing? Does she really love him or just cares about him. Loving him and caring about him are totally different. Perhaps she meant that she cares about him (reason:length of the marriage, or if they have children), and if she told u that she loves you have you seen any confirmation of that love? I don't mean physically, cause if you want her 2 prove 2 u that she loves u by having a physical connection, and she's still working on her problems (and she could also be conservative for that matter) maybe u could give her time to sort things out. Be there to support her but be patient. It's tough to go through a separation or divorce, and it'll take time. But if you do really love and care about her, you'll be there for her, especially at this tough times in her life. Be frank and honest about your feelings, and keep your communication open. But keep a safe distance, it's better 2 wait till the coast is clear b4 u 2 get physical to prove ur love 4 each other..(meaning, wait 4 them 2 finish all the legality of the divorce) so that u won't get hurt. Keep your senses acute, talk 2 her 2 get her side. If I really care 4 that someone, I'd wait, if that person is really worth waiting 4. Great partners only comes like a Haley's comet...if u know what I mean. But once u weigh everything and sense that your relationship isn't going anywhere then it'll be time 2 move on.
216899
She is just feeling protective over her mother role.  She is their momma and she doesn't want you to try and fill her shoes or play mommy.  It is very delicate.  No matter what she did in her marriage doesn't matter.  Please be respectful not to push her about being around HER kids.  Respect the fact that she doesn't want you around them right now.  They shouldn't see you two together unless it is very serious.  I didn't introduce my daughter to her now step-dad until I was sure we were going to stay together.  They don't need to see different women in daddy's life.  You don't know how long you two will last just yet.  Give it time!!!!Don't tell her to back off or anything like that, you have no right to.  If you care at all about your b/f respect her wishes!!!  She'll come around if you do.  Don't make it worse, it is a delicate situation!!!  Why would you move in?  This isn't something that should be taken lightly.  Are you even engaged to him?  Like I said, the kids shouldn't see women in daddy's life unless it is serious enough as marriage is!  Sounds like you know you'll disrespect her wishes anyway!  Why ask then, if you are moving in?