MARRIED 17 YEARS HUSBAND DECIDED I WAS TO OLD DIDN'T HAVE LIQUID MONEY MY BECOMING A R.N. WAS TAKING TO LONG PLUS WE HAD 5 CHILDREN OUR BABY BOY WAS KILLED AT THE AGE OF 14 SO HE LEFT FOUND A 17 YEAR OLD HAD A BABY SHE BECAME A POLCE OFFICER PLUS SHE ALREADY HAD A CHILD HE WANTED A DIVORCE SO BAD AFTER 17 YEARS OF MARRIAGE I GAVE IT TO HIM WE WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS BUT STILL CALL TO SAY HELLO EVERY NOW AND THEN BUT HERE IS THE THING WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN DIVORCED 6 MONTHS AND HE MARRIED THIS YOUNG LADY I WAS UPSET BUT QUICKLY GOT OVER IT. NOW HE HAS BEEN CALLING ME TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE HOW HE HAD TO PUT HER IN THE MENTAL INSTITUTION THE P.D. TOOK HER GUN AND LAID HER OFF FOR GOOD BECAUSE SHE IS NOT MENTALLY FIT TO CARRY A GUN NOW HE HAS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT I TELL HIM TO GO TO HIS PASTOR OR TALK TO HIS WIFE ABOUT IT HE TELLS ME NOT TO SAY HIS WIFE JUST SAY HER NAME HE DO NOT KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM WHY HE LEFT  BUT HE REALLY WANT US TO GET  MARRIED AGAIN .... NOW HE IS A FOOL!!!
202150
YEAH, you go girl.  Forget the loser!  Dont you dare let him back into your life!!!
118153
Dear girl, Oh my... I wish you had asked for advice 2 years ago; perhaps much of your pain could have been avoided.\n\nYou say you two have NOT been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and you are still with him. WHY are you still in this relationship? He's NOT committed to you and hasn't been for 2 years! Is he sleeping with other women? Are you sleeping w/ other men? Have you even thought about the risk of HIV and AIDS? You two have a child now. And my dear, why did you get pregnant with a man who hasn't been committed to you? You should never have sex with any man who is not committed to you. He gets sex, you get hurt. It happens every time. Unfortunately, you are not the  only one getting hurt; you have made a baby and brought your child into this situation. \n\nDo you two still live together because you have a child, or because it's easier than moving out? Let me ask you, does he support you and your child financially? Are you you paying any of the bills? Are you paying bills for your baby? If your baby's father is not supporting you 100% emotionally AND financially, then you are better off leaving for good, once and for all. I am sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he may be using this "money issue" as an excuse and he doesn't have the guts to get out of the relationship. Some men can't handle being fathers, especially if they are not in love with the baby's mother. Having a baby brings a couple in love even closer, but couples who are not in love do not get closer after the baby is born.\n\nI wish I could tell you otherwise, but I definitlely think it's time for you both to be grownups. Living the way you both are is not the adult, responsible way to solve this problem. Make an agreement regarding the child's support and visitation and part company amicably. Many women with small children meet other men who do love them and will be committed to them and their child/children. My father met my mother when she was a yound divorcee with a 2 year old and married her and proceeded to have 2 more children with her. They were married 53 years until he passed. There is hope for you to do the same.\n\nIf you are not good with $$$, then take some money management classes (@ a local school, community college, aid center). You will need these skills whether you are on your own or not. \n\nIf you were not honest regarding $$$ with your partner, then I suggest you get to church, temple, etc., and you start being honest with God and yourself. Remember, you have a child you need to be teaching good values to now. If you were honest, then you're okay there, but going to a place to have a relationship with God will still be powerful for you at this time. \n\nYou CAN start a new and better life. Don't give up on yourself, no matter how hard it may be at times!
231427
I agree with your conditions and had the same in my marriage it lasted 28yrs. He cheated 3yrs in and I forgave him by the time we had been together 15yrs he was an alcoholic and I sttod by him and tried desperately to get him to go for help. Then 7 months ago he came in pissed and hit me.....end of the 28yr marriage!!!!! Haven't seen him since. Stick to your conditions.
123927
Good thing you aren't together any more... That story has the makings of a good episode of 20/20 or Prime Time Live!\n\nSome people crave sympathy. They'll go to any lengths to get it. \nThis man really needs help. \nI just hope he's not one of those con artists that marries women and takes everything they own and disappears.\n\nGlad you're rid of him.
385973
i too went through this, 10 years of it, whenever we were having any discussion he would turn it around and i would be made the problem, it escalated into name calling, fat hog, slut, really bad names. whenever he did not get his way or wouldn't stick up for me to his son, no matter what the problem, he would change the subject and suddenly i became the problem. after awhile our communication suffered, actually i was too afraid to even bring anything up, did not feel safe, knew i would be the focus, and if he couldn't find a problem with me, he would make one up. just causes resentment and eventually someone will get so angry that they will stray from the marriage. think the problems stem from a more serious thing, it's never about what they say about you, or the names u get called, it runs deeper than that, think it's about something they feel they are not getting out of the marriage.
237421
First of all my dear friend, you are too young for this man. I hope to God you have not had sex with this man for this is truly a case of statutory rape. Second, you have way too much life to live to be dragged into the middle of this drama...and believe me, the drama has only just begun. You will never have any peace with this man and his ex (especially since you have indicated that he already talked about going back, then you say, he wants nothing to do with her only for the baby -doesn't sound like a firm foundation to me) You need to run, run, run as far away from this situation as you can - you don't want to be the next one with child.
306456
Been there done that...whats up with the 23rd year...Its alot of years, you'll never forget the past, my marriage was great the first 20 years, but I could see the dis-interest building as the months after pasted by...and she too felt she was no longer in love with me, however I later found out her interests were directed toward another...suggestions..Seek marriage council advice, put forth a 100% effort to resolve such conflict, and if it doesn't turn out happily ever after, if there ever was an ideal time to be single , its with a good job, no mortgage and your child a grown adult...very simular to my situation...its was 2 yrs separated and 3 years since divorce and those conditions were blessings in disguise.
397496
Seriously, I have a few opinions I would like to express.  But I'll hold off for a few minutes. \n\nThis is gonna come back and get ya, one way or another.  Years from when the kid comes and finds ya.  Years from now when you're kids meat this one.  Days from now, when your girlfriends friend makes a call to your wife. It WILL get back.\n\nYou are a cruel, cruel man.  How could you do that to your wife and children?  What is wrong with you?  And you sound like you're more worried with losing your stupid job, than the damage you just did to your wife of 8 years and children.  \n\nAnd yeah I will give you one good thing.  It's awesome that you at least offered to pay for that kid.  A lot of me won't even do that.  \n\nBut yeah, ya reap what ya sew.
314586
You're furious. He's depressed.\n\nFrom what I see here, you are right to be angry. The business you had is crumbling (due to the internet, not due to lack of effort on your parts, it sounds like you've done all you can).\n\nHe is probably feeling quite lost. Fathers see themselves as providers and without being able to cover expenses, they really kinda fall apart. My stepdad was the same way after he was downsized, came down with a serious illness, was bedridden for three years. He recovered when he found something he loved doing.\n\nGet out of the business. Sell it, be done with it and remove this stressor from your lives.\n\nSit down with your husband and your kids (who are old enough to understand that there's somethign wrong, old enough to sense it, and old enough to be worried about you both) and talk through a plan.  There's no shame in leaving the business behind. \n\nLook at your strengths: 17 years of marriage 3 children, a business that was successful for how many years? You've done well. Times have changed, but you two are still capable and wonderful people. \n\nYour husband may not want to be re-educated because\n1) He has low self-esteem and doesn't think he can do that.\n2) He doesn't think the education will help a non-traditional student or that it's too late to start a new career (I'm guessing he's early 40's?)\n3) He's taking time to figure something out and, due to the stress you're both under, is having a hard time communicating it.\n\nGive your husband a chance. Tell him you need him, you need his love, his fathering, his working ability. You need him to help keep your family strong and to get through this storm in your lives.\n\nIs there a "get out" point? Only after you have both talked with a counselor and tried a little more.\n\nPlease give this marriage another try.
639492
It sounds to me like a little boy asking for mommy's permission to be bad ... that way he has all the pleasure of playing with matches, but evades the responsibility.\n\nGuy's have this way of being real cowards about ending a relationship. Instead they push their wife ... and push and push and push until she is backed into a corner with no option BUT to say "I've had it -- no more!" and then ... they go around saying "Well, SHE wanted a divorce." Once again, a little boy evading responsiblity.\n\nIf you want to keep this marriage, get some counselling. He needs to hear an outsider tell him he's being a jerk and not just you. If you'd just as soon be free to find a man who will honor and cherish you, then call his bluff. Tell him no way is a third person joining you in your marriage bed and when is initiating that divorce and moving out?
487126
I can help you out with this one. My now husband did the same thing you did in 1992.  He met a girl that was 10 years younger than he was, had had a past past, abused etc., He married her 6 months later. He gave her a job, an education, a house, a car  etc.  They got into a car accident 5 years later, and got a big settlement for it, ( it was in her name ), so they decided to buy things with it, but she also started to complain that he wasn't doing enough for her, his family wasn't liking her, etc...\nWell one day he came home and she told him to get th ehell out of the house that she didn't want nothing to do with him anymore. \nShe had had enough.  \nShe took him to court, took everything away from him, told people he was beating her up...Believe me she deserved it, but I know my husband he can't kill a fly...\nAnd at the end , he had nothing.  Except his self respect.\nSo my advice to you is get the hell out while you can, because after everything you've done for her, she will grow older want more and finally leave you with nothing.\nThere's someone else in this world that is worthy of your love, so don't waist it on her...\nGive her the booth, but be sure to have all your paperwork , ( money, bank account, receipts ) and everything else in order before you do...\nGood luck
244760
I am so sorry about your PPD.  It's rough.  Do not, for one instant, allow yourself to think that you are at fault.  When something happens to one of you, it happens to both.  You are supposed to be "ONE".  He abandoned you in your time of need - he should have backed you up and been there.  He wasn't.  He went for the easy out and that's not what you deserve.  I don't want to get all religious on you, but here goes:  A man is supposed to treat his bride (his wife) like Christ treats His church.  Do you feel that you were given that?  Is he true to his vows or is he just out for himself?  I would suggest that you get therapy - either with or without him.  Preferably with.  But I know that it's not also possible with finances and insurance these days.  But sometimes you can find someone to help you sort it all out that won't cost an arm and a leg. \n\nJust think about this:  Your son/daughter will see how you are treated.  They will probably (not always) go on to treat their spouse the same way.  Do you want to continue this cycle or break it?  Do you want better for your child?\n\nI am so sorry that you had to go through PPD and had to do it alone - because face it...you were deserted.  \n\nAn affair is an affair is an affair- whether emotional or physical.  The time and consideration he gave this other woman should have gone to you in your time of need.
216057
The behavior of your husband and his family is very un-Christian-like behavior. They should be welcoming you with open arms. It sounds like you wonder why he even married you. Don't stop praying. As with any difficult situation, prayer and God can get you through. I don't know how I would have survived some of the heartbreaks I've faced in 52 years without prayer and God.\n\nIt sounds as if you feel ganged-up-on by his family and his church. Family is one thing, and bad enough for them to treat you poorly, but for his church to do the same is unconscionable.\n\nWhat I would do is to seek the advice of an attorney. Then you'll have the information you need in making the decision to stay or go. You have to balance your emotional and mental health with the money you've put into the house. Which is more important?\n\nI'm so sorry that you are so miserable in this marriage. I pray you'll continue to seek God's perfect will for you. That He will guide and comfort you. Bless you, my dear.
270491
been there husband was the same way...I was 15 when we were together and I slept with his best friend...we went our separate ways for about 10 years got back together and did not trust me at all..I was only 15 and he kept bringing it up 17 years later. He would get really upset if I wanted to go out with my friends, and alcohol was like poison to him he would always go back into the past about all the bullshit and he would start fights over the stupidist things...any way to make a long story short I divorced him in january
117248
I stayed for 5 years longer than I should have.\nIt was an abusive relationship but it started slow and I kept believing his promises to stop and how sorry he was.  We found what I thought was a good church and things seemed to get better for a while but it was back to the 2-3 times a year yelling and shoving dominance establishing routine.  Nothing I ever did was good enough but I did not want my marriage to fail.  I kept hoping that this really was the last time he was going to be so horrid to me.\nSomeone eventually asked me "How much more of your life are you going to waste?" right around the time that he really lost it.  So I hit my f**k this s**t point and moved in with mom.  (Oh my god I had to move back in with my mommy.  I was an adult and I had to move back home.  How big of a loser was I?)\nAfter I moved out and all of a sudden he was really sorry and he did want to go to counciling after all and he really was going to change and we could take that trip to the mountains (3 hrs away) that we never had before.  I was angry that he was willing to change after I had left but I wasn't worth it before.  And that church I thought was so cool told me that I should forgive him amd move back in.  And they are supposed to be so supportative of women.  Guess I know better now.\nOn the up side, after I left I met the love of my life and we have been together for over a year.  Nothing like marrying your best friend.  And with what I have been through in the past I am well aware of how lucky I am to have a REAL husband and not just a spouse.
57799
Leave him & sue him for child support. \n\nYou have to think of your son now, who needs a REAL man for a dad.  Don't put your child through this, and in the future, RESPECT other people's marriage vows, whether they do or not!\n\nI don't mean to be harsh, but you have to know that you've gotten yourself into a mess by now.  Does he have children with his wife???
323592
Wow. Simliar to what I'm going through but except with cheating with the brother. I'm 20 and I noticed that since me and my ex bf had a age gap of nearly 12 years it was hard for us to work out our problems. He loves you and he doesn't want to lose you. Maybe your husband and his brother should talk this matter over. There might be rage but it's better then losing someone that you may never see again due to unforeseen future ahead of one. Before me and my ex ended our relationship I told him about how hurt I was that he treated me like "shit". He took the time to understand what he was doing to hurt me. You can try talking it over with him. If matters aren't resolve, I think it would be wise to end the relationship and move on. It's wrong for you to have to put up with his "shit". I'm truly sorry that you are going through this but we do learn from our mistakes. Good luck.