My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad remarried and never paid child support, sent any birthday cards or gifts and never called. I haven't seen him since They divorced. I do not want to go see him because I heard he got into trouble with the law. I am an adult now, but I cannot get past this lonely, hearbreaking feeling that if the guy that helped create me hates me and no guy has ever loved me since, that I must be worthless. I have had 2 years of conceling and that was a waste! Please, What should I do?
217869
Hey, my dad did the same thing!!  Some guys are afraid of being a parent so instead of stepping up to the plate they run away from it.  My sister has had trouble with trusting guys and often dates the wrong ones because we have no positive role models, but you have to realize that you are a wonderful person and you don't need someone else to tell you that.  \n\nFamily isn't always blood; it can be your friends, anyone you care about.  If you are feeling inadequate, maybe you could do some volunteering, help out at Big Brother/Big Sister's, or volunteer at an animal shelter.  The best cure for loneliness is to help others who are lonely too, you'll find the right guy when you are meant to find him.  When the right guy comes along, it will be worth the wait.
386855
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
296740
Hey, \n\nI don't know if 'I can really be of much help cause I myself am not married, But I really am sorry for what you are having to go through. I just want to say that if you are not happy anymore and if you don't think things are going to work don't put yourself through that, cause it will make you start to feel more hatred towards him and make you miserable. It is normal for women to feel insercure when having to start over after that many years, but I don't think you will have any problems finding someone to love and who will love you back. If you don't try how do you know? I am a cosmetologist and I have many clients who are going throught the same thing and none of them regret there choice of leaving. Go pamper yourself get a makeover and make your self feel better then get out there and have fun. That's what they are doing. You may feel like you won't make it but trust me on this one you will be just fine. I hope this helps you! And sorry I couldn't be more help, but as much as you hate to hear it you are the only one who can make you happy!
646433
I was always afraid of my father's death when I was growing up. My dad was my world (mom didn't want me so my dad raised me by himself). My biggest fear was him passing away. One night he left to go to the store for coffee, and was killed by a drunk driver. It hit me like a ton of bricks. No matter how much I tried to prepare myself for that day, it was nothing compared to how I actually felt. My world had crumbled the second that my step brother called me. I got depressed, and closed everyone out. No one understood me like my dad did. Everyone thought I had gone nuts, but it was my way of dealing with it. In two days it'll be three years since it happened. Things haven't been the same since. I got married and didn't have him there to walk me down the aisle, he never got to see his grandson. There's times I'm glad he's not here now because he would beat my husband to death for hitting me, and if he didn't then, he would've after we divorced. Anyways, the best advice I can offer is make the best out of every moment you spend with her and always cherish the times you've had with her. Her death is inevitable, and there is no way to prepare yourself. When it happens, talk to someone, anyone you think my have even the tiniest idea on how you're feeling. Talk about her because remembering her the way she was is the best way to deal with death. It won't get better immediately, but give it time. Since my dad's death I truly feel alone in this world, but I've found out that I do have some true friends who have helped me out through this. If you don't have someone you can talk to, if you like, you can IM me anytime...my yahoo ID is under my profile....think I'm making this too long winded as it is :D.
529375
i went through a very similar experience, though my parents were just divorced, but my dad was with my stepmother before my parents separated. she's this woman who completley changed him, in every way. he knows this because he cant be himself around her totally. im not sure how to give you advice because it sounds like your dads wife is just as crazy. i basically gave up the fight after awhile and havent really seen my dad. maybe some family therapy? im not sure, i just know its hard to deal with and i understand what you're going through. i hope that things get better! sorry this wasnt so much advice, as a comment but thats all i got.
557562
I know how you feel...my ex stopped paying for our 3 children too.  The minute I met the man I am currently with(13 years) he stopped paying any support, luckily my new man had no problem helping me support the children.  They are now 22, 24 and 26, and they have little respect for their father, but great respect for their step dad. Any man can be a father it takes a real man to be a Dad!
507260
Please go to your church, even if you are not a member and talk to the pastor, priest whatever.\nYou need some spiritual guidance and you need to have your bruised soul and spirit healed. \nI think if you hang around with someone with a questionable past, you can get drawn down into his stuff... You are better off without a boyfriend at this point in your life.\nIf your mother wants you gone, I wonder what happened to bring her to this point. Mothers defend their children to the death in most cases. What has happened?????\nIf you are at a  point of trying suicide, it tells me you are looking for attention and recognition that you are not getting . There is a sibling rivalry between you and your sister... that is a total other thing that needs to be worked on.\nMY concern would be to get my mental health back to normal. You need help from people who will ask nothing of you other than your faith. It doesn't cost anything to reach out ,even if you are not a religious person, it doesn't matter. Your life is far too important to throw away and so are you. Whether you or your mom get along is not the problem at hand.\nIf she wants you out, you need to go to social assistance and get a place for you to stay..If you are under 16 you are a minor, perhaps a foster family could take you or an aunt. Someone who is strong, and can handle what is going on with you in your life and someone who won't take any guff from you.... You need love and support and you need to get real. Step up and begin your transformation, there is so much for you to do in your life, take hold and take the first step by getting help.....Poetry is a wonderful way to express your feelings, but in this case you need a good person to talk to ....
449986
You are obviously still young enough to find a better person.  This guy has waaaay too much baggage for you to carry.  Take it from someone who wasted alot of her young adult age on the same guy you just described.  Believe me, you're wasting your time.  At first, because we were "in love", he was all for the "help" and did alot to stop the bad habits he had.  But after a few years, he started to resent me, because I had "tied him down", "made his life boring"  you get the picture.  Then when he became depressed, because he wasn't having any "Fun", (If you call drinking yourself unconsious fun or getting arrested because you started a fight at a gas station, fun)  He was so pissed at me all the time, because he couldn't go "out" that he started to verbally, then physically abuse me.  I tried to stick by him,  help him, I always told him that "all I wanted to do was help him", he just said I was trying to control him.  He would purpously start fights with me just so he could leave and use me as an excuse to go "out".  The funny thing is , I refused to listen to my mom.  I paid for it with nine years in hell, and I haven't seen my family for twenty years.  Please while you still haven't been through hell, get out.  If you choose to stay, keep in touch and on good terms with mom, you WILL need her someday.  Watch out for the warning signs and take care of yourself.  Good Luck
331253
you must feel so mixed up and betrayed but try to focus on how lucky you have been to only lose three years and a few DVDs. Give yourself a holiday if you can and spend sometime with friends and family. Talk and cry about it until you feel better but keep away from him. I found out someone I lived with was a gangster and robbed banks for kicks. When I found out he was lying about himself and tried to leave him I got a beating and he hired people to kill me. Thank God I survived. My advice count your blessings, change your phone numbers and get this creep out of your life, your heart and your head. sorry you are hurting so much but real love is out there. keep the faith
237967
Well I'm here right with you... The man I feel in my heart is my soulmate has the same problems as your ex... in fact because of the last incident that occured two months ago, were I came home from my father's after visiting for a few hours and he became very physically abusive, I left him... but i guess my heart stayed with him.. I still keep in contact with him, we talk twice a week, I love him more than anyone could ever imagine... he knows that I would take him back but he would need to get help... we tried once a year ago while we were together, but he didn't want the help for himself (he wasn't ready), he was doing it for me... the important thing is not to push them to do anything they don't want because then they may become resentful... I love him so much, it breaks my heart when I see him, because looking at him I know that he's not taking care of himself (he's diabetic, 31, and insulin dependent)... I always remind him that I really fo care and love him, and that when he's ready to get help, I'll be right there with him... just make sure that he wants the help.. if anthing email me... we can chat
331672
i hate my real father as well. and im 34. he didnt raise me and i tried to have a relationship with him and i hate everything about him. not because he wasnt there, but because hes a huge arrogant jerk who thinks hes superior. unfortunately, we cant pick our parents. oh, sorry about your mom. i dont know your age, but you wont have to be with him forever. try not to let him bring you down because it sounds like hes miserable and trying to bring you down with him. just do your thing and so whatever to him. i know being around certain people can drain you and zap your energy and ambition-but you have a future ahead of you, as for him, im sure hes middle-aged and hates some of the choices hes made. try to keep your head up.
620958
i've gone through a lot of emotional issues from the time i was little. My father as an abusive ex-drunk and my mom has always been somewhat verbally abusive. How do i feel about it?I hate the fact that i was never really allowed to have a care free childhood and hate having memories of my dad beating me up or having to leave my house at night because my mom and dad had fought.
113923
I was 20 and my low life ex left me with 2 baby girls.  It was very hard, now they are 13 and 14.  It is ever harder! But i have a great husband that helps me with everything.  Please learn from my mistake and wrap your life around your child.  Don't became wrapped up in looking for Mr.Right.  I was so focused on finding a father for them that I went from relationship to relationship and now they have a lot of bad feelings because I put them through it too.  Also, go to college.  There are MANY places that will help a single mother. They will even pay for your childcare while you go to school Take advantage them.  You just can't raise a child anymore on $5.00 or 6.00/hr.  That way you wont have to depend on anyone else. When have a degree and a good job then the right person will come along and you will be so secure that you wont have to depend on him.  I commend you on leaving your abuse relationship.  Remember God loves you and you deserve to be treated with respect and love.  If a man hits you one time, it is one time too many. You did the right thing!! Your going to be ok.  You will be a strong, independent mother and you baby will love you for that.  Just remember it's all up to you now, that baby's future is in your hands : ) Take care and good luck!
629101
You said it already .. "he's an awful man, but he is still my pop".  You have that bond and that relationship, and so a part of you would still miss and love him, and maybe grieve for the loss - I mean just not the physical separation, but the loss in terms of him just not being there for you as a good parent. \n\nEmotions are funny things and they never seem to sing in tune with the facts! So it's possible to love someone who treats us horribly, it's possible to love AND hate someone .. they're feelings and they're okay. What's important is that you have quite a lot of clarity about it all and you know that he's not good for you .. you've said he treated you bad, in ways that "killed" you inside .. which is such a significant thing.  You can love him and miss him, but love yourself more, and know that you're in a better place without him. I know .. all those fantasies about how "he might change and realise how much he loves me" .. but you can't wait for that to happen. Just let your love be, but don't let it act in any way that's detrimental to your own health and well-being. \n\nWhen I get such thoughts, I try telling myself - it's an emotion, a feeling .. I can feel it, but meanwhile I'll get on with life. The feeling will be felt and life moves on. I try to accept my feelings, without letting them take precedence over the facts .. which are that no matter how I feel about certain people, I can't have them in my life. It doesn't stop me from loving them, but in accepting, I don't have to fight to repress those feelings, and that makes it easier to go on.
268573
How old are you?  If you're under 30, you haven't totally messed up!  Because you've still got time to live a full life even if you dump this loser and take a year to find the next guy.  So, put the idea you've messed up totally out of your head!  lol.  Now, its also interesting that you worry MORE about your lying than about HIS TEMPER!  If he scares the shit out of you - that's a damned good reason to NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!  The most important thing a man can give a woman is a secure feeling of being safe with him.  How can someone build a family, a home, a nest, whatever you want to call it, and not have the people who live with him feel safe?  YOU DON'T FEEL SAFE!  You feel scared, alone, and that its all your fault!  Why?  Because he said it was your fault!  Now, understand this, someone who scares you, does not love you.  Someone who blames you, does not love you.  Why doesn't he love you?  BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LOVE HIMSELF!  The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want a marriage and a safe and happy home?  or do you want a psychology project?  YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL SAFE!  If that means lying to the man who abuses your trust, then so be it.  If that means breaking off your engagement.  Fine.  If that means hurting him.  That's his fault not yours.  IT IS OKAY TO BE SELFISH ENOUGH TO DEMAND RESPECT!  He may never have hit you, YET, but he is very likely to once you are married.  Even if he doesn't SO WHAT?  HE BULLIES YOU WITH HIS ANGER!  WHY?  BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO RESPECT YOU AND YOUR DECISIONS!  And if you ever decide against him, after he angrily has made his wishes clear.  HE WILL HIT YOU!!!  Likely after you are married. \n\nHas his mother ever hit him?  Has his father ever hit his mother?  Yes to any of these questions mean HE WILL HIT YOU IF YOU GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY BY MARRYING HIM!  Don't give him that opportunity.  \n\nHe doesn't trust you?  SO WHAT?  His trust MEANS NOTHING!  He's just deflecting the issue away from him because he's not man enough to stand up and face the fact that's he's a bully that scares and manipulates women with his anger. \n\nHe thinks you cheat on him?  THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S CHEATING ON YOU ALREADY!  Why?  Because he accuses you of the very thing HE'S doing!  That way he's off the hook in his warped little brain. \n\nLook he scares the shit out of you with his anger, and when you try to talk to him about YOUR feelings, he ATTACKS you by saying he doesn't trust you!  See?  He's just reflecting his own behavior back at you to keep from losing an argument.  Why?  BECAUSE HE DOESN'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT YOU!\n\nNow, the same logic applies when he brings up out of the clear blue sky, that you're cheating on him!  Its a pre-emptive move to avoid any question of HIS behavior.  Next time he says you're cheating on him tell him this; "You are only saying that because you are cheating on me."  THEN LISTEN TO HIM RANT AND RAVE!  He'll try every trick in the book to get you to admit you're cheating on him, rather than merely say something loving like, "No I'm not sweetie, how can I prove it to you?"  Why?  BECAUSE HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU.\n\nThe good news is that you can meet someone else that doesn't scare you and can create a wonderful safe, loving home with you.  And you need to dump this loser and go for it.  \n\nWhat did he do to deserve being lied to?  He scared the shit out of you, and you deserve better - he got what he deserved, why are you even talking to him?  \n\nWhy do you have to hurt him?  You didn't do a damned thing to hurt him, you have to get away from him to avoid being hurt yourself.  If he thinks you've hurt him, he's crazy and needs to stay away from you - and from all women, until he gets help.\n\nIt seems you have a few problems of your own dear.  You seem to be confu
667143
Looking at pictures of my daughter.You see she refuses to see me or talk to me.I do not know the reasons for this.I divorced her dad when she was 18.Since then she will not have anything to do with me.My ex and my own sisters turned her against me.She has two children now and I have never seen them not even in a picture.I miss her and love her so very much and it is making me cry now.I will continue to pray to God for an answer.Yes I have tried to contact her by phone and by letters and e-mail.She just refuses to tell me why.Just why is all I want to know.I can't watch anything that shows a love between a mother and her daughter without crying and it's been 6 years now.
457224
You might want to think that about that before you do anything permanent. Perhaps you can draw up legal papers so that you don't deal with your ex at all, she can drop your kid off at the police station, for example and you can do the same without ever seeing her. I grew up without a dad and it was extremely painful. Please think of the child first.