what would you do if you went out and pulled a bird, took her back to your place, she started karaoke singing on your little man (nosshing you off) you take a look down and you realise that your not the only one in the room with a pork sword. What do you do next.
204807
That's why you grope BEFORE you let them suck.  But if for some reason I forgot that, & found out that was happening, he'd have until I got to my baseball bat to get the hell out of my house.  No judge in the world is going to say you aren't acting under duress at that point.
211257
I'll ask "What will the other parrot say if i ask which one is the door to heaven?"..\nAnd i'll take the other door than what i was told........\n\nExplanation - Through this question i will get the wrong door whether its the liar parrot or the truthful parrot.Because:\n1. Truthful parrot will tell the truth, i.e. he knows the liar will point to the hell door if asked about heaven door and so he will point to the hell door as my answer.\n2. The liar parrot will lie,he knows that the truthful parrot will point to the heaven door when asked abou heaven door, but he will lie and point to the hell door as my answer.
387408
You could sing Silent Night...My friend's brother died a while ago and I sang it at his grave
313769
i wish i was in tijuana, eating bbq'd iguana.\ni hear the voice of the dj, no comprende just what does he say?\n \n\nhaha i think my friend's dad was in that band.
204625
"Worked like a dog."  When was he last time you saw a dog work?\n\n"Slept like a baby."  Babies wake up all the time in the middle of the night, crying and screaming!\n\n"Selling like hotcakes."  The last time you bought a hotcake was...?\n\n"Fit as a fiddle." Since when are fiddles any more fit than any other instrument?
452873
"STELLLLLAAAAAAAAAA!!" yelled my ol' pop. It was his first day without them mangy chin whiskers an' he wanted my dear ma to see. Ordinarily, I wouldnt mind, but today was a different day. My dear ol' cow, Bessie, had died in the early morn. It was about the same time that Mama's old sow had that record litter of pigs. Life and death, it says it all in the bible. My pa doesn't know it, but I found out that he killed my Bessie. I saw his axe in the barn when I went to clean out the man-yure. His girlfriend that he's cheating on ma with wanted to do it, but now HE's a gentleman and he did the yeller-bellied deed himself. I told my ma and she told me to go up to pa and talk about it. "Well ... if you say so," I said. So now I'm walkin' up to my dear ol' pa without them mangy chin whiskers. Ordinarily, I wouldnt mind. But today was a different day.
245540
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.\n\n"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. "The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"\n\n"Moses," Replied the bird.\n\n"Moses" the burglar laughed.\n\n"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"\n\nThe bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!
261442
Dump her, how would she feel if you went and drank with your ex? Yeah she wouldn't stand for it, would she! She probably slept with him anyway. Sirens used to lure there victims in with beautiful music and then slaughter them. Would you fall for their music? I guess what I'm saying is don't let ANYONE play games with your head, if it gets to the point where your having mind games played with your head, GET OUT!
15995
Put yourself in Shawn's place.  Would you want him to be screwing another girl, then act like nothing happened when you got back.  And wait until the next time you're out of town so he can do it again?
580643
I would beat a mothafu*kers azz to the white meat, if he f*ck'd with me, my lady, my fam', and dog!!!\n\nI whoop that azz!
225755
*sits up on her lounge chair sipping a cocktail*  My husband handles the meat so it doesn't matter to me which hand he's using.  I prefer he didn't handle it too much, though...over "flipping" tends to toughen the meat and release the juices prematurely.  *shrugs* But what do I know?  I'm more of a 'shuck & suck' kinda gal (ahem, little necks, that is) *puts cocktail down and lays back in her chair*
583519
When something like this happens its smart not to obsess about the actual details of events because they don't really mean anything. Ask yourself questions like "Why did she behave the way she did? Did she do it to hurt me, or because it was what she wanted to do at the time?" If she did these things again, would you be able to take her back again? What do you think the chances of her doing these things again are? If you don't think so, why not? How has she or your circumstances changed?
381097
B) Hit the cute little dog\n\nbecause I have places to go and people to see!
356103
take the duck over. come back. take the fox over. bring the duck back. take the duck food over. come back. take the duck over.\n\n\nbet you i can solve it!
473734
what do you do after you eat a bald pu$$y\n\nput the diaper back on LOL
328334
This was a really good one!! I am LMAO!! It was really funny!!! I say that because my best friend has a parrot and I know some of the funny things that they can do!! lol
671511
theres a storm coming and you are driving along in your car, you come up to a bus stop where your best friend, a old lady and the women of your dreams is, but you only have room for one in your car, who would you pick up?\n\ngive the keys to your bud to drive the old lady, and walk off with the girl of your dreams