He already knows that I want to meet his family.  We have discussed it before.  He won't even let me meet his daughter.  She's 11 and he feels that she isn't old enough to understand what's going on.
210354
He regards you as a temporary, rather than a permament, fixture in his life.  Therefore he sees no reason to introduce you to the people he already has a permanent relationship with.  You just have to accept that fact, and see the relationship (you & him) for what it is.
371616
I think he likes you, if he didn't he wouldn't have taken you out.  It is too early to meet with the family,  don't you think? some people take meeting the family as something serious. He probably just doesn't feel like he can become your official bf, one needs time for that.\nGo on being nice, I am sure that he likes you.
255624
Children are so perceptive. My six-year-old son regularly has conversations with a deceased family friend, whom we were very close to. \nI believe the man your child is seeing could be your father. \nWhat I suggest is that you don't grill your child for information, or she could start making things up or embellishing in order to satisfy you. Let her come to you with any information or sightings of this man. As time goes on you will eventually know for sure whether this is him or not.\nAs long as your daughter remains undaunted by these visitations, I don't see a huge problem for you. Accept that your child may have a very special gift.
122509
this sound similar to what I went through. THe only difference is that my dad didn't step in. I pretty much grew up making mistates and learning from them on my own. I don,t recommend this at all. Get involved with her. Don't punish cause at this age they think that parents don't know any thing. Try to spend quality time with her and gradually talk about whats going on in her life. Remind her that you love her and want the best for her. Let her know that for any reason, you are there for her. Somewhere in your conversations ask her about her boyfriend. Even if you have to pretend, make her think that you see where she is coming from. 16 year olds need to know that their dad will be there for all of their life, even the mistakes. My dad just pretty much let me live and learn. I think I turned out o.k. but I still wish I would of had the guidance from my dad. My mom died when I was 10 and it was really hard for him, but he did not seek help. I really hope that things get worked out. Don't give up and try your best to be involved with your CHILD. She is still your child. The mom needs a good talking to. She is alot of the reason that your daughter is doing what she is doing. Explain your concerns and she is you can meet in the middle some where or at least come to some understanding on why this is not appropriate. She has alot of influence on her. Good luck.  Contact me and let me know how it goes.
409080
You should not blame yourself for this. The guy sounds like a jerk to me. I have not really had the best relationships with guys either, so I understand how you are feeling. My situations were not exactly like yours, but I still get how you are feeling. The only thing I can give you for advise is that if he is not "man" enough to keep a relationship with your daughter, then it will be him that loses out on a great little girl. As for dealing with her... I can only say I would try to have as little communication with HER as possible. If your daughter goes to visit him, make sure that you are talking with him to make the arrangements. If you feel that you two "are not suppose to be together" I think that you should make that crystal clear to him, there is nothing harder than letting him think that there is something between you when you in reality have no feelings for him. It will only make things more difficult for you in the long run. Another little tip is to keep someone in your life that you feel like you can always turn to for advise either a close friend or family member (this always helps me and plus you get a second opinion for free). I hope that this little bit helped :-)
252729
Ok I completly understand what both you and him are going through cause I have been there and done that, therefor my advice to you is if you really think and feel you love him try to understand his point even if you don't agree or like it very much. What it sounds like he is doing is avoiding having confrontations with his family and you. The less they know the less they will nag at him, they less they nag the better mood you will see him in. Think of it in a positive way he just wants to avoid problems between his family you and him, besides its also a healthier realationship for both of you, never know he may be thinking of taking the relationship a step higher and want to move in together in a few months and when he does he will drop the bom on them, just keep your eyes open at all times giving everyone and anything the benifit of a dought. Good Luck and take things easy enoy your time
342371
I would ask him if I was such a terrible mother then why did you invite me over for brunch?  None of us are perfect, so why has he waited so long to suddenly tell you this, if it was so bad?  Can he give examples of why he thinks this?  Does he have a wife that doesn't like you and has finally worn him down?  That is really wierd, I am sorry your son is treating you that way.  Parenting is a system of trial and error and all we can do is try our best and how would he feel if his kids said something like that to him?  There is no reason to cause conflict especially when you are a grandparent and he needs to show his kids how to respect their elders, this is not a situation where you can take a do as I say not as I do approach.  You can set the example and take the higher road!
301344
You could try writing them a letter if they wont see you. In the long run though, it comes down to this... You're marrying HIM not his parents. If they want him in their lives they'll come around. He needs to make it clear that he loves you and wants to be with you, even if it means not seeing his family. My guess is they will come around after a few weeks. Hope this helps.
81356
Agreed it is when you are comfortable with it.  But even though he has communicated with family please make sure to meet in a public place and have the standard safety nets in place.  There have been too many people who have met someone on the internet that have run in to trouble because of trusting someone who has charmed the family only to be someone else completely after you spend time with him  ok
525482
Play it down, some mothers push their daughters into relationships and maybe your mom thought because he was at your place for Thanksgiving that the relationship is more than what you both want it to be.  Next time you see him just tell him your mom does that to you all the time to pressure you into forming a long term relationship.  Bye the way I find it a bit odd that your guy would take it so seriously, so he must be leary of committment to a certain extent.  Play the whole situation down and for your own sake ease off on the guy for a while if he really likes you he'll come around.  I feel badly for you though, it must have been embarassing. One other thing I'd have a chat with your mom and ask her to please never to put you in that position again.  Just tell her that you'll let her know when she's allowed to tell someone your dating that she loves him, sounds as if she was inviting him to be the "SON IN LAW" and he probably freaked.  Good luck
641286
How long have you two been talking?  If you both like each other that much and have been talking for awhile you should feel comfortable, not "iffy"  If you're feeling that way, then you shouldn't meet him.  Our intuition can be pretty dead on most of the time.\n\nI think it's good that you are thinking this through.  I know it's tempting to meet him, but it's better to be safe than sorry.  If you're going to go, please don't go alone.  Bring your friends, not just one but all of them, and don't necessarily tell him you are going to.  And if you're going to Florida with your parents, offer for him to have dinner with y'all and if he's still willing to meet you I think that's a good thing, but if he trys to get you alone... big red flag!
246161
At 21 she is a legal adult. he is just feeling over protective. talk to him WITHOUT making it sound like a big deal to you, unless he doesnt take it seriously. If he wont listen help your daughter out! hel her find an apartment/condo/ she can even live wiht you!
69008
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
242414
I think if I were you I would be more than a little concerned by this. A child of seven is able to understand a lot more than he gives her credit for. If he doesn't want to tell her now when will he. If he waits a few years & finds out then he will have lied to her.\nTHERE IS MORE TO THIS THAN HE IS SAYING. BE VERY CAREFUL.\nI THINK MAYBE HE HAS AN ISSUE WITH HIS EX STILL & MAYBE DEEP DOWN IT IS HIM & NOT HIS DAUGHTER THAT WANT A RECONCILIATION.
164906
I think you should also ask someone you respect, like a pastor, older freind, or counsolor. I personaly think it is good he gets to visit his dad. When he becomes older, 8+, you should ask weather he wants to see his dad. It's not right to force a child to see a parent they don't want to see.
147789
Probably because he truly cares for you!  Just because you're meeting his parents doesn't mean you two are getting married.  \n\nThat being said, if you are uncomfortable with the idea, you should tell him, and if he cares about you at all he should respect your feelings.
278443
Don't fight with him. Ask him calmly why he is still in touch with her. If he becomes evasive or gets defensive, then you have cause to be suspicious for he IS hiding something then. If your suscipion is confirmed, then decide what you want to do next. If you still love him, tell him so and ask him to choose - you & your daughter or her. If he is undecided, I see no point in holding on to someone who doesn't really love you fully.