This guy is the worst dad ever.  He is prone to violent outbursts.  He has choked my friend twice for over 2 minutes at a time.  She has no proof because she never called the cops.  She told him she wants a divorce and now he had his parents get a high priced lawyer.  He hasnt seen his son in 6 weeks when he moved out and he lived 10 min away.  He finally asked to see him just after she moved to a different city.  When she went to pick him up after 3 days, the father had stolen him.  He wont tell her where her son is and just keeps giving her the number to his lawyer.  She is filing the divorce papers today.  She doesnt have ANY money because he took all there money and wouldn't let her get a job when they were togethor.  She only has a job that can barely get her by in her new home.  This so called father did not give her 1 dime for 2 months.  She has been struggling to take care of herself and her son on her own and he pulls this.  What can she do?
206003
She can file the papers and go to court with all of her documentation.  Believe me, in the long run, even though it seems like forever right now, things will change.  I had the same thing happen to me...I eventually (after 30 days of filing) got the kids back.  Yes, you have to deal with visitation, after all he is the father, but with time that can be controlled too if documentation starts happening with regard to the violence.  I pray this works out for your friend, tell her number one to always document.  Keep phone calls, keep records of things done, have a third party present at visitation times, etc.  Prayerfully when all has died down the visitation can be civil and things can go on reasonably well.  My kids are now 21 and 19, and we all get along OK, I do it because they are my kids and that is what is most important.
127380
Okay, first... I understand the wife had an affair and your friend is hurt & angry.  That being said, what is it that the wife wants?  Is she prepared to participate in a legal battle that could drag on for years, draining income?  \n\nYour friend and his wife should make an attempt to settle this between them without a costly court battle.  Perhaps the wife is willing to compromise, and shared legal/physical custody could be arranged.  I'm certain there is much more to this story than you could tell in a paragraph.  For example, did she work to put him through university?  Did he work to put her through school?  There are many different circumstances, but it is not unheard of for a woman to pay spousal support to her ex.  She will definitely fight that, but they may agree on shared custody of the kids and if the husband babysits the children while the wife is at work, I can certainly see paying him for his time instead of spousal support.  Compromise is the name of the game when it comes to a dissolution of marriage.  \n\nMy condolences to your friend.
70019
Why is she putting up with this behavior! Of corse its cheating. And what's this about him hooking up with other women when he gets back.This guy sounds like a selfish pig !And He's doing this while she's back here taking care of his three kids.Honey tell her to get out as soon as possible. He obviously has no respect for Her or their kids , not to mention their life together.Does your friend have self esteem issues ?If she does get her the help she needs. She and her kids deserve so much more DUMP THE LOOSER! Help her get her life back on track Not just for her sake but for her kids .Hope this helps.Tell Her to keep her head up!
435927
Google "fathersrights"  there is a lot of free advice and links to help dads. See if there is a local chapter in MO where he can get legal advice and suggestions on line.Thousands of dads are fighting to be active in their kids lives, from jail and a lot of ex's goal is to keep them in there by filing OPs and having them arrested under false charges. Tell him to hang on and never give up!
652754
Confront her and tell her she is bordering mental abuse and if it doesn't stop she is no longer welcome to come to the house with him. Suggest counseling for her. She is definitely lashing out at him for her short comings and that can be worked out.
587438
This is not about you or your boyfriend's son.  This is about your boyfriend.  I can pretty much guarantee you that he has made it clear that he is going to be with you and she is PISSED OFF!!! It has a little to do with what you do for the son, but it has more to do with what you are getting and have.  You have to remember that you have the life she would of had if she wasn't such a b*****.  There is no way that anyone can talk to her about this because she is too angry and irrational right now.  Basically, you cannot reason with crazy people.  However, your boyfriend does have some rights if he is paying child support.  She CANNOT keep him from seeing his son if he is paying child support.  If he has to take her to court to get visitation, then go to court.  If he isn't paying child support, then he's got a problem.  Of course you do not want to put the child through custody battle, but it might come down to that if he's not paying.  Most importantly, do not give up fighting to see him.  Bring in a mediator, go see a priest, hire a witch doctor, whatever, but do not give up on this child.  Even if his mother does not see it, I am sure that this little boy felt safe in your home with his two brothers, his father and you.  And no matter how this turns out remember that if she continues to do this, that little boy is going to resent and hate her.  Every kid needs to know their parents and when he gets a little older and understands what she's done, I pretty sure that he is going to go running to his father and she might be left with nothing.  So keep the door unlocked for him.
391247
I agree with you completely.I never had to go through custody hearings myself,as my ex just dropped off the face of the earth.But,I went through this process with my best friend.It went on for years.Her husband was a wife and child abuser with numerous police reports files on him.He always said he would kill them all if they left.Finally,after he raised a shovel to hit one of his children with it and my friend stepped in instead,she finally had the good sense to leave this man.It was always used against her in court that she took her children and ran and he didn't know where they were for about a week.HE ended up getting custody of both of these children after years and years of fighting.Very sad,both of these children are now on medication for mental problems.I just couldn't believe just where these judges heads were.I think he was given priority because he was in the military,but these children's lives were ruined by the stupid decision of all of these judges,and over the years there were more than one.Why a judge would give custody of two little girls to a known abuser is beyond me.They should be held accountable for their decisions,especially when the outcome should be obvious to any normal person.
58443
Just keep being there for her.  He is obviously controlling and sounds like he may be abusive.  She should seek some type of counselling to find out why she would stay with someone who controls everything she does.  In the meantime, she needs friends like you who are understanding and are there for her.  Keep seeing her and trying to get her to seek help.  You're a good friend.
592349
I was in a very simialar situation with my ex  and sought advice from my divorce attorney. He recommended that the only way to legally stop him is to take out a warrant for slander and difimation of character at the local magistrate offfice.  Her divorce attorney can advise her on the best way to proceed from there, if she can prove everything that he has been saying is a lie and she has plenty of emotional support for her through this, I didnt but  i would do it all over again.
148965
Come on, you're not really friends. Would a friend cause another to loose his house, family, half of everything he owns, and put him out on the street?\n\nHow bout this? Can he live with you after the divorce, and can you support him financially since most of his money will go to lawyers and support?\n\nCan you dodge bullets from his wifes gun?
223836
First of all, unless he can prove that you are abusive or neglent to your child then he will never get her in a million years.\n\nAs far as child support it's really your decision. My ex hasn't seen my son since he was a couple of weeks old and I haven't heard from him since. My son is 6 and when I decided that he needs to be held responsible for his child ( 2 years ago) I filed for support and I'm am entitled to all back support too. If you decide not to take him for child support then ask him to terminate his rights. If he doesn't want her any way then he doesn't deserve her.\n\nDo you have full custody of her? If you never made an agreement then go file for full custody. Don't let him see her since he said he wants nothing to do with her. Remember that visitation and child support are two diffrent cases so just because you file for support doesn't mean he gets to see her.\n\nDon't let his threats scare you. He just doesn't want to have to pay you and as long as your not taking him to court you will never see a dime.\n\nSo I would tell it to him like this..... "You have 2 options: 1) Sign over your prental rights to her since you made it clear that you don't want her or 2) I'll see you in court"\n\nIf you don't have a custody agreement then tell him that if he wants to see her then he needs to go for visitation and until then it's not happening. That way he has to pay all the court costs.\n\nI really wish you good luck. For some reason a lot of men think that they can come and go as they please but yet they still want to hold the title as father. No child deserves that. And because of men like that, true fathers who want nothing more then to raise their children get the raw end of the deal. Any way... I hope this helped you. \n\nOh... by the way, I don't know if you know this but it doesn't cost you anything to file with Domestic Relations and when you talk to them they can also give you good suggestions.\n\nI just saw that you said that he is from another country... As far as I know if he would take her to another country that is considered kidnapping even if you have a custody agreement in place. He has to clear it with you first.\n\nOn a personal note. Don't let the other entries get to you it seems like most of them will be dead beat dads or are dead beat dads.
198623
Agreeing with the girl above.  Esp. about the journal.  Keep track of EVERYTHING.\n\nMy guess is also that it is a scare tactic.  Instability??? Please, is PRISON stable??? \n\nIf he has not supported the child, seen him, etc., you have nothing to worry about. Forget the joint custody the girl above mentioned, I would fight for supervised visitation if he gets to see the child at all.\n\nI am wondering where he got the $$ for any atty.\n\nHere is where you can also find a little comfort in the fact that courts like to keep kids with their mothers.\n\nYou do need to get a lawyer.  If you cannot afford one contact your local bar assocaition or pro bono program.  If you cannot get a lawyer fast enough, go to the court and file for a continuance.  DO NOT GO TO COURT ALONE!!\n\nBut as far as having any concerns about losing your child, I certainly wouldn't sweat it.  I know its hard not to worry, but if you are telling the whole story, he doesn't have a chance...
293790
I am so sorry for you! I am not experiencing the same, but my daughter has to have visitations with her father. He has threatened to kidnap her, so I'm always worrying about it. Also my child is 4 and has told me that her father touches and hurts her peepee. I've contacted several different agencies, lawyers, docs etc. Nothing is being done! I feel the frustration that you are going thru!The judge actually granted extra time on visits and went to unsupervised visits b/c evidence was inconclusive.I was told that if my ex was to run off with my daughter there was really nothing that I could do, even though I also have full custody. Why? Because he is the child's rightful parent too, and is allowed visitation. HUH??? I swear that is what they told me. But yet if I refuse to give my daughter over to him for his visits I will be arrested for kidnapping! ?????What a world we live in! Give me an email sometime. I'd like to stay in touch with you even if it's just to offer support. I hate to mention it but have you tried all the hosp. in the area that you last knew them to be? How about tracking them down via Yahoo White pages? Do you know of any family or friends that she might take your daughter to. Maybe you could contact them or go see them face-to-face. I don't know your financial sit. but hiring a private investigator might help. Have you posted their pics at police stations? They can fax it to others nationwide. Offer a reward. And above all else don't give up until you know for sure. And PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!I will pray for you right now! God be with you! The answer about checking with schools is great. When you move to a new school the old school has to contacted and then they send info and should keep this on record. Maybe if she was in a Headstart program or a preschool program like pre-K you might be able to get some info thru them. As her biological father, you have the right to request that info and they cannot deny you it.Amy
676751
Man, I just went through this! If her bio. father pays child support, then yes he must be contacted to sign away his rights even if she has NEVER laid her eyes on him. If he doesn't pay or contribute in any way, when your child has gone without ANY paternal support for 5 consecutive years, then all you have to do is run it in the classified ads in your town for 4 weeks. The newspaper will give you an affidavit and you will have to sign one stating that you have not received any support from her bio. father. After that point, it is pretty smooth sailing. Hopefully you won't get an A-hole for a judge like I did... the same judge that ordered my son's father to only pay $96 a month for support <--- Please try to hold your laughter until the end of the paragraph. Thank you.
66381
This is an Issue your Friend is going to have to sit down with the Ex, and have a heart to Heart about. \n\nalthough he probably has no desire to grow up. Eventually tings will reach a point and it will force the change. \neither the Friend will do it through court. (if she is willing to collect evidence for a judge to review) or something in life will knock him down. \n\nJust remember You can't change him \nBe there to support the daughter, so she does not suffer needlessly.
270365
The only thing that I can think of is that He is more established with his life, job, home, married, and You said that You are still in school.  If You have paid $25,000 and lost Your case, You need another Attorney.  Sounds like the Judge wasn't very fair.  You had custody of your child, and were taking good care of them, but the Judge now thinks You are not able to?  Was Your Ex active in Your Childs life before?   Are You living at home?  And if so, how is it that a person going to school, has a House?  You can appeal.  The fact that He owes $10,000, what does that say for his ability to provide?  If I were You I would call every Family Attorney in the phone book that will give the first consultation for free, I would call 100 if I had to, many of them will talk to You on the phone, or their paralegal will.  Then I would find out about legal aid.  Contact the Department of Social and Family Services, or the Department of Humane Services.  I would write the Govenor of Your State,  The Attorney Generals Office, (that is who Your Child Support is supposed to come through).  I would call every radio station and news Channel I could find, to get Your story out, and I would ask/beg for anybody to help me.  Write Your Story up and fax it to every Family Law Office You can.  Many Attorneys do a certain amount of ProBono work(free), each year.  If You want Your Child back You fight with every ounce of Your being.  What changed so drastically that You were a  capable Mother before, but now You are not, what has changed?  What did the Judge say the reason was?  Do NOT Give up!  Is He still in School?  Are You both about the same age?  He should have been put in jail for owing that much back Child Support, and the fact that You were raising the Child alone, without His Support, should speak volumes for Your Character.  I really can't understand everything You are trying to Describe to us, and You will need to explain, in detail, everything to a Lawyer.  And if all else fails, call Dr. Phil, he has connections that could Help You Tremendously, and He is always on the side of Justice.  In fact You will have to contact Him through His web site,www.Dr.Phil.com.\nDon't focus on not having Your Child, Focus on getting them back.\n\nI know Your Heart Is Broken, Harness That Pain, And Fight, Get Everyone You Know To Help You.  Good Luck, and God Bless
624474
She needs to talk to a lawyer. Unless the court has said that she cannot see her daughter, then he has no right to hold her away from her mother. She can go and pick up the girl and take her to lunch and hang out with her away from the new husband, but she has every right to see her daughter! Go to a lawyer and fast! If she already has one, then have her call him/her. That is what they are getting paid for!