We've been friends with benefits for 3 years, having boy/girl friends and still sleeping together. So recently, we've both decided to get married, but we still have trouble fighting the desire for each other. Everytime he's with his fiance he can't keep his eyes off me, and we have quick trysts when ever we're alone. I don't know what to do...
216094
Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you getting married?  Getting married should mean you've found the one person you don't want to wake up another day without.  It sounds like your heart isn't sure.  When you've found the right one to marry, he'll fulfill all your wants and needs. It sounds like you may not have found that 'one'.  I'm not saying your fiance isn't a great man, but if he doesn't have your whole heart, and mind, and all your passion, it seems hurtful to marry him.  I wish you the best, and pray that you'll put a lot of thought into your marriage since your action will affect a lot of people.
173656
I had a best friend from college.  He was the DJ in my first wedding.  I was a bridesmaid in his first wedding. He was at the hospital the day my twins were born. 15 years later, after we were both divorced, he finally kissed me.  I asked him what took so long and he said he was afraid because he didn't know how I felt abou him!  After 5 years of dating,we got married in Las Vegas and we willhave our 2nd anniversary 8/31/2006! I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. GO FOR IT!
160862
It seems to me that the both of you are more than friends with benefits.  If you guys are not together as a couple, than neither one of you should be jealous of the other, unless there are more feelings involved.  \n\nSit down and have a serious talk with him.  See exactly where things stand with you.  If he doesn't want more than, just being friends.  I would suggest to take the benefits away or let him go...  Life is too short to waist every minute on someone who is not willing to talk about the future....
437721
This is kind of hard to deal with because on the one hand you want to stay friends, and on the other hand you would like to go out with him to see what happens.  If I were you I would go in and maybe go out to a bowling alley or sports event telling him that you just wanted some on to go with you.  See what happens from there if he is really interested in you he will probably asked you out.  But if you just want to stay friends make sure that you tell him right up front so that no one will get their feelings hurt if things don't advance any further than just going out and having a good time.  By no means ask them out to a dinner date or a movie, or worse yet over to your house after you go out.  I have a lot of really close friends and I like to go out with an eat, go to parties, and just to be around having a good time.  I was straight with these people up front and I know that they really do like me but they know that it is for friendship only.  And I have some really great friendships that I will always cherish.  There is nothing wrong with going out with a friend because I think the best marriages are really based on friendship and honesty to each other.  Good luck
364492
Don't be so in a rush to have sex with him. Maybe he is a decent guy and he just wants to wait until marriage...or at least when he is in love. If he hits it and doesn't like it, you're going to feel sad and rejected. You're better off trying to be his friend and continuing to live  your life. (1) as his friend you'll get to know him a whole lot better than when you dated; (2) if you happen to start talking to someone else, he'll notice.....if he really likes you, he'll step up to the plate and start acting all jealous. If he doesn't and was just playing around, at least you've got someone else to concetrate on. Best wishes!
320173
Well he's using you...  Are you using him the same way?  If you've staked your heart in this guy, you might want to start moving on.  If you're having as much fun as he is though, just go with it.  A person's past CAN turn another person off of dating them.  That doesn't mean you can't be friends.  Or friends with benefits.  Seems like your guy wants to be friends with benefits.  Make sure you know and are clear about what you want and expect with him.  If you are both on the same page, great.  If not, you might need to work out a new arrangement...
313921
You have to definitely draw a line and refuse to cross it.  If you can't do that and just be friends then it is probably best that you avoid each other.  Think of it in terms of if you were married to this guy, would you want some girl crossing that line with him?
552100
Well, this seems to be a tricky situation. I have been in a similar, yet not so intimate situation, with another friend. Now let me tell you what I did to solve the situation. This answer may give you an idea as to what your next step should be. \nI didn't feel the same way because I thought it was forced. I love my friend in lots of ways but when it feels forced then it is hard to get past the idea that we are not friends. At that time I felt uncomfortable. He likes me still. But I told him that we could just be friends. Now we are still friends and we're glad for it. Sometimes the timing may not be right or she feels it is forced. At this moment cherish the fact that you guys are friends. When the time feels right she will automatically open up to you. At that time, it will not feel forced and you will not have lost a good friend. Remember people feel uncomfortable and forced in many different ways.\nSee, differences between individuals are evident in any relationship, but it is how one handles those differences within the relationship that matters. Are you willing to lose a good friend over your desire for it to be more than that? Decision is up to you.
529577
so technically you're just friends with benefits until he figures out what he wants to officially do with you. he's definitely into you, and you're definitely into him, but the relationship ain't happenin (been there)!!! it's excellent that you have separate lives...so maybe eventually you two will make it official someday. i wouldn't rush him, he definitely has a crush on you. go with the flow since you both just came out of bad break-ups. maybe you both feel the comfort of having each other during this healing process and a new serious relationship is the last thing on his mind, you know how guys are...
674888
Married people do not have friends of the opposite sex, or at least I don't believe they really do....but they do have acquaintences.  As long as you are not flirting with him you are doing nothing wrong but maybe back up a little because if you care about him as a friend then you should respect that marriage comes first and you shouldn't want to be the center of their argument.
460679
okay well this guy is head over heels for you. i think he is trying so hard because he thinks you feel this way about him deep down and your afraid to get out your feelings. what you can do is be sensitive with him. tell him that your more than flattered and surprised that he proposed to you, but we can only stay simple friends right now. im not ready top get married right now and believe it or not i have dreams and goals i want to make come true. and i know you do too. and dont tell me that the only dream you have is to be my husband. i know you have things to accomplish in life. so thats why. we can still be really good friends b ut thats all we are going to be. if you liked me this much you would accept it and move on."if after that he still doesnt understand then maybe you shouldnt talk to him anymore. try avoiding him if he makes you feel uncomfortable. if he does understand then thats one less thing to worry about in life.
105287
Sorry to read of your dillema.  Your fiance' seems to have a real "gem" of a friend.  Well, not really.  But remember, the person is YOUR FIANCES' FRIEND.  That doesn't automatically make him your friend as well.  Only unless you want him as such.  Obviously, you don't.  At least, not at this time.  Openly, calmly communicating your feelings with your husband (lifetime partner) to be is super important.  Should you continue to view your fiances' friend, as what I'm feeling to you, being as a thorn in your side, you might be asking for a whole lot of unecessary problems that only turn in to "knock down-drag outs."  I don't think you want that.  Married couples encounter enough disagreements leading to arguments enough as it is.  Try your best as a couple to shorten that "list".  By the way,...when you're married, the roof over your head belongs to BOTH of you.  Should you NOT ALLOW your husband's friend into the home, chances are good you'll be INVITING trouble between you and your husband.  If it's possible for you and your fiance' to work this out now, out of love, you will certainly be paving the way towards having a healthy relationship.  Perhaps consider disagreeing without being disagreeable.  Take it easy and try not to let your fiances' friend drive you nuts.  Remember,...NO ONE is flawless.  Take care.
502085
Well, neither of you truly knew where the relationship was going to end up.  If you start throwing sex into the mix then the feelings involve get very confusing.  I would say you are going to have to talk to him about it.  Let him know how you feel and don't let it carry on any longer.  The longer you go on with these feelings the more it is going to hurt him later.  Stop sleeping with him for sure.  He will decide if you are still going to be friends, if you were truly good friends he will probably come around and be friends with you again.  It might take some time though.  You might not want to date anyone else for awhile, especially don't introduce them if you do. Friends and sex usually don't end up with positives, but you might be lucky.
181713
Not because I could live with him, but because I couldn't live without him.  There's some intangible thing that just makes us 'click'.  Peas and carrots, PB&J, Sonny & Cher (ok, bad example).  We're best friends with benefits.  My marriage has been the best and hardest thing I've ever done.  I have found happiness but it wasn't the cakewalk I thought it would be.  We lost the rose colored glasses in year three.  Being married includes birthdays and funerals.   And we've learned it's better to be happy than to be right all the time.
37058
FIRST OF ALL, I PERSONALLY TRY NOT TO GET TO INVOLVED IN OTHER PEOPLES RELATIONSHIPS SIMPLY BECAUSE IT CAN CAUSE A NEGATIVE BACKLASH AND IT IS NOT WORTH LOSING YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH THE PERSON. IF YOU REALLY FEEL THAT YOU MUST DO SOMETHING BEFORE THE PROBLEM ESCALATES, I WOULD THEN SIT DOWN WITH MY FRIEND AND HAVE A HEART TO HEART TALK. I WOULD ASK THEM IF THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT THEY WOULD WANT TO BE IN A MARRIAGE WITH SOMEONE WHO SHOW SIGNS OF ALCOHOL ABUSE. SECONDLY, IF HE IS RUDE, ABUSIVE AND ARGUMENTATIVE WITH STRANGERS, WHAT IS TO STOP HIM FROM BEING THE SAME WITH YOUR FRIEND, WHICH COULD TURN WORSE [VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE] IF THEY GET MARRIED. IT COULD ALSO BE AN ISSUE OF LOW SELF ESTEEM ON YOUR FRIENDS PART THAT SHE WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE LIKE THIS. AS FOR NOT GOING OUT WITH THE TWO OF THEM I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY, IF ANYTHING JUST TO OBSERVE HIM TO SEE IF HIS DISPOSTION HAS CHANGED. ALCOHOL RELEASES A PERSONS INHABITIONS AND HE COULD HAVE BEEN HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY PRIOR, IT COULD ALSO MEAN BE THE SIGN OF AN UNDERLYING PROBLEM. IF IT COMES TO THE POINT THAT YOU FEEL THE NEED FOR INVOLVEMENT, REMEMBER TO BE UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR FRIENDS FEELINGS AND DEFINATELY TRY NOT TO BE NEGATIVE OR VERBALLY BASHING OF THE MAN WHEN DISCUSSING HIM. \nGOOD LUCK. REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NOTHING BETTER IN LIFE THEN TRUE FRIENDSHIP, RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME AND GO, BUT FRIENDS ARE FOREVER.
641505
i just got out of a four year relationship about three weeks ago .....we are still friends but he acted the same way your fiance is acting i finally realized that he's never going to change and i wasn't happy with it so i left him alone ...................u just have to be strong and not let him take advantage of u.......if u really love him ask him straight out how he really feels and tell him not to play games.......
72711
You are messing around for 2 years and he doesn't want to mess up the friendship???  LORD give me a burst of patience!!! Honey, why should he change anything?? He is getting what he wants NOW!  If you are smart, you will stop the 'messing around' and tell him he has to make up his mind what he wants.  If he wants a friendship, fine.. but no benefits...  you deserve a whole lot better than that..  If he wants the benefits, that's fine, too.. but the relationship changes.. you are boyfriend/girlfriend.. or else. YOU have to lay down the law.. DON'T let him get by with this crap.. stand up for yourself.. have self respect!  DON'T let him use you this way.  Good luck.