i have been with my husband for 3 years but been married to him for almost a year. and we have a little girl that is 3 months old. she has been stay with my grandmother for last past 2 months and my husband is getting upset with me because i won't go get her because where we live isn't the best place for her. should i go get her and bring her back or let her stay where is safe? we have been fighting over this for the longest time. and my grandmother said that she is going to take me to court to get rights for her and the doctor said that we weren't feeding her and all the stuff and i'm so scared that they will take her away from me. and i don't want my family mad at me and i don't want my husband mad at me. what should i do
205239
What your Gma wants and what your hubby wants is not relevant right?\n\nAs Mothers, we are expected to do what is RIGHT for our children - at all times.  If Hubby is mad, then he can do something about it, by finding a new place/safe place to live and provide some decent food etc..\n\nGma, she needs to be seriously thanked for what she's done.  She probably DOES have some grounds for taking custody, because it cam be perceived that you abandoned her.\n\nEither way dear, someone is gonna get ticked off right?  So WHO is the priority?  Your Gma, Hubby or your child?  For me it would be my child hands down.  I would not let myself be separated from my child at ANY cost unless absoultely necessary.  \n\nNot having a safe place to live, proper food are good reasons, but see..... I'd be out the door WITH my daughter and saying hubby, when WE can work out a safer place for our daughter, we can reconnect.. until then, I'm gonna stay wih Gma (or any other relative that would help you).\n\nYou need to 'define' how you can get yourself out of this mess WITH the best interests of your child at heart!  That has to be # 1 for you.  And sometimes those choices are hard, but NECESSARY as I that you are missing VALUABLE bonding time with your child, and these first few months re very important!  There becomes an attachment disorder of sorts, when the mother isn't around.... please be careful of that.  \n\nI wish you all the best, and your family too.  No mater how it works out!  God Bless the baby, she is the true innocent here, as she cannot speak/defend or noursih herself.. much less 'speak to where she'd like to live"
513536
It sounds like she has serious emotional problems. Something has made it hard for her to lower her guard and trust  others. Just go about your life as if she didn't exist. That way, she can't hurt you. Talk to her if she talks to you but keep your distance.  It is very unnatural for a grandmother to treat her grandchild like that. And it's amazing that she raised a normal son.
75437
Your granddaughter is going through a lot to be at such a young age she is confused and her emotions are all messed up ,you may have raised her but im sure she knew her mom as her mom and now she is gone ,the great grandson passing added more confusion to her and now her grandfather is having a very serious operation maybe she is afraid he will go away to ,school counselors are not the answer she needs professional help ,i scream and get mad for far less than your little granddaughter her actions are normal she is releasing her anger let her do it better for it to come out then to stay inside her ,good luck to you and your granddaughter and i wish your hubby a safe and quick recovery.
355654
Explain your situation to the Embassy. They will be able to tell you your rights. Is your husband Spanish? That may be the only factor that can work against you if Spain has laws about leaving the country with a minor. Either way get that girl home. Good luck.\n\nThen it should not be a problem getting her home.
99893
I would say it depends on where you live.  The law in some places tries to keep families together.  I mean just because they fought today does not mean that by tonight they would have come back together.  It is a hard call A good Lawyer would be helpful.  Unfortunately the law is not working for the benefits of the women keeping your daughter safe is I am sure your top priority.So I would get her some councelling because this type of abuse has a way of sticking with the person for yrs.Post tramatic stress syndrome.  Keep her away from him Chances are he will be sorry but once they realize the law is a joke they are not really worried about doing it again.Change her # move her somewhere else and pls let her know that she must do this to be safe he will do it again and can no longer be trusted dont even try run
643227
LET IT GO........................YOU MARRIED YOUR WIFE.... NOT HER GRANDMOTHER.   YES I WOULD VISIT HER AGAIN FOR MY WIFE AS LONG AS YOUR CHILD WOULD NOT BE HURT OR MADE AWARE OF THIS HEARTLESS GRANDMOTHER'S FEELING TOWARD THE TWO OF YOU.\nDON'T GET INTO IT WITH YOUR WIFE...THIS WILL MAKE HER FEEL SHE HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER HUSBAND AND THE CHILD SHE HAS ACCEPTED AS HER OWN AND DEAR 'OLE' GRANNY.\n\nPRAY FOR GRANNY THAT THE THE LORD WILL GIVE HER A CHANGE OF HEART.  BE NICE TO HER......REMEMBER......"YOU CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY".    (NOT THAT YOU WANT A BUNCH OF FLIES SWARMING AROUND ,   BUT YOU GET THE POINT.)\n\nBE HAPPY WITH YOUR WIFE AND CHILD.  THEY'RE THE ONES YOU LIVE WITH.  YOU ONLY HAVE TO PUT UP WITH "HEARTLESS  GRANNY"  EVERY NOW AND THEN.\n\nPRAY FOR STRENGTH AND ENDURANCE BEFORE YOU GO TO SEE HER.  ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO SEE HER THROUGH "HIS" EYES AND LOVE HER WITH "HIS" HEART.\n\nGOOD LUCK WITH "HEARTLESS GRANNY".\n(HOW COULD SHE BE SO CRUEL TO A CHILD)\nI'LL PRAY FOR HER TOO.\n\nYOU AND YOUR CHILD ARE IN MY PRAYERS.\nGOD BLESS.
354714
Gosh ...it sounds like you suspect he is hurting her in some way?  How old is your grand daughter?  I have a 4 year grand daughter...when she was under one, she would cry every time her daddy held her, rather any one else was around or not.  I did not think he was doing anything bad to her.  I believe he was very nervous and babies do sense our feelings.  I did ask him if he was nervous and he said he had many emotions, afraid he would drop her, excitement because he has such a beautiful baby, etc.  Eventually they both relaxed and she is daddy's little girl now.  They also have a 2 year boy and he was a cry baby too, still is...he is so much more of a mamma's boy than she was.  My daughter breast fed both, does your daughter? Perhaps that makes them so attached to mommy that they aren't as comfortable w/ others?  I truly hope you are worrying for nothing...that would be a tragedy if HE is harming her in any way.  I would definitely keep an eye on him and of course do not mention to your daughter your concerns because she will defend and possibly keep you away.  Good luck and I am praying for you and your grand baby.
597917
In my opinion your husband is totally wrong in his train of thought. This is not fair to you at all. His dad and step mom disrespected you and hurt your feelings and he needs to open his eyes and see it for what it is. He should not come down on you for not wanting them at your home. If you are not welcome in their home then why does he expect you to open your home to them? You are absolutely justified in being upset over this. It is almost like he is showing that they are more important than you are. It is a shame because this is going to hurt the kids. I mean really, don't they want to be at the hospital to welcome the new life you are giving them? They should just stop being petty and drop it for the sake of the kids and the family. Family members are going to exchange words, that is part of being family. You learn to forgive and forget or at least overlook it. I think you should stand your ground with your husband and tell him he needs to have a talk with them. If they come to your house full of animosity there is a good chance they will ruin your daughter's party. The focus should be on her, not them.
51648
call the child services and report kiddnapp. grandma do have rights, but the child has no voice or choice. You must report this before he leves country. In Calfornia there is lots of help, especialy, free-legal aide. But if YOU DO NOT WANT TO CAUSE PROBLEMS, then you really do not want this child back. Their always help for children, step up and take action.
223836
First of all, unless he can prove that you are abusive or neglent to your child then he will never get her in a million years.\n\nAs far as child support it's really your decision. My ex hasn't seen my son since he was a couple of weeks old and I haven't heard from him since. My son is 6 and when I decided that he needs to be held responsible for his child ( 2 years ago) I filed for support and I'm am entitled to all back support too. If you decide not to take him for child support then ask him to terminate his rights. If he doesn't want her any way then he doesn't deserve her.\n\nDo you have full custody of her? If you never made an agreement then go file for full custody. Don't let him see her since he said he wants nothing to do with her. Remember that visitation and child support are two diffrent cases so just because you file for support doesn't mean he gets to see her.\n\nDon't let his threats scare you. He just doesn't want to have to pay you and as long as your not taking him to court you will never see a dime.\n\nSo I would tell it to him like this..... "You have 2 options: 1) Sign over your prental rights to her since you made it clear that you don't want her or 2) I'll see you in court"\n\nIf you don't have a custody agreement then tell him that if he wants to see her then he needs to go for visitation and until then it's not happening. That way he has to pay all the court costs.\n\nI really wish you good luck. For some reason a lot of men think that they can come and go as they please but yet they still want to hold the title as father. No child deserves that. And because of men like that, true fathers who want nothing more then to raise their children get the raw end of the deal. Any way... I hope this helped you. \n\nOh... by the way, I don't know if you know this but it doesn't cost you anything to file with Domestic Relations and when you talk to them they can also give you good suggestions.\n\nI just saw that you said that he is from another country... As far as I know if he would take her to another country that is considered kidnapping even if you have a custody agreement in place. He has to clear it with you first.\n\nOn a personal note. Don't let the other entries get to you it seems like most of them will be dead beat dads or are dead beat dads.
233082
Hmmm...she better return to MI asap...if that is where they lived together as man and wife.  I lived in MI and they are very strict about both parents living in the same state so that the child always has access to both parents.  If she left the state, that is probably a point in his favor as far as custody goes.  I also went through this same thing with a friend of mine but she never left the state.\n\nRegardless of who gets custody, if the case is decided by Michigan, both parents will have to reside in that state...UNLESS one parent agrees that the  other may leave and the court approves it.  My friend has custody of their kids but the ex will not give permission for her/them to leave the state so the court says she must stay...even though it is documented (in police reports and court records) that he abused her.  MI wants both parents to have access to their kids.\n\nYour friend better get an attorney who knows MI child custody laws even if she has to return to MI to do so.  If she wants to keep her daughter, she needs to do whatever it takes.
624474
She needs to talk to a lawyer. Unless the court has said that she cannot see her daughter, then he has no right to hold her away from her mother. She can go and pick up the girl and take her to lunch and hang out with her away from the new husband, but she has every right to see her daughter! Go to a lawyer and fast! If she already has one, then have her call him/her. That is what they are getting paid for!
256039
Taking her to court to enforce visitation for you will open a HUGE can of worms.  I'm not sure if you are thinking of the big picture here.  You may not be up to what she can rein down on you.  She can make up any story she wants to about you and bring you into court, dragged through the mud.  Legally, she can say whatever she wants to say about you to make it look as though you should not come within 100 feet of those kids either.  I've been there in a BIG way.  There is nothing like having your reputation as a normal, loving, upstanding person questioned.  And who is the court going to believe?  They believe her as much as they believe you.  Then you'll have to deal with a court liason running a fine toothed comb through your life and home to see if you are fit.  You've never felt so insulted and violated in your life and it's something you can scarecly recover from, even though it's for the love of a child.  I know you want to see your grandkids and I honestly believe in my heart that you will in time.  Right now, try to reason with her like a human being and appeal to her sense of compassion.  She is probably afraid that the kids will end up with your son when they are supposed to be with you and that's a normal way to feel.  I guarantee that trying to force this with her will only make things worse and make your life a living hell.  Please, for the sake of the kids, try to be patient.  It is terrible to see little ones stuck in the middle of this.  All of a sudden, they will feel as though they shouldn't trust you or they are wrong for loving you because their Mom is angry with you for forcing visitation.  They've already got mixed up feelings about not being able to see their Dad.  And then when they are with you, they'll feel guilty for loving Mom.  There is no way to win here.  I strongly suggest you wait it out.  She will cool down eventually and let you see the kids, but she has to do it in her own time.  As long as you hold your tounge and be ready the minute she says ok, you'll be rewarded.\nGod bless.
185904
If it was an older man and younger woman no one would bat an eye.  I say if your both happy, enjoy it and ignore everyone.  Life is too short.  Tell her if she doesn't let you see the grandson, the courts DO give visitation to grandparents.  Good luck to you.
230694
Talk to her about her childhood and remind her of what it was like when all of you were together as a family.  I'm not suggesting this be done to dredge up bad memories, but to put it into her head why it was you divorced her father in the first place.  Maybe if you can get her to see that this is a problem that is life long with her father it will help her to regain some of her self esteem and realize the source this abuse is coming from.  \nAs far as your distance problem, threaten to exercise your rights as a grandmother and seek to have a protection order filed against him on behalf of the safety of your grandson.  Also talk with her about the possibility of relocating to another area.  Nursing jobs can be gotten virtually anywhere on the planet.  Good luck.
273165
OOps sorry let me edit this..\n\nMost important question is - are they LEGALLY your gaurdian?  It sounds like this might be your sister.. or maybe a young aunt.\n\nWhat state are you in?  How old are you?  It depends on how your caregiver will react.  I did the same thing when I was 17 and my parents freaked and were able to take me back.  I spent a few days in Juvi.. but other than that nothing terrible will happen.  If you are 17, I suggest talking to your parents about this and seeing if they would let you.  Does your friends family want you to move there?  Have them talk to your caregiver.  If you are any younger, either wait or have the family talk to your caregiver..  I totally understand where you are coming from, sometimes your home can just be toxic, especially if your parents are going through a divorce, or some issues of their own.. I've been moved out for 2 years now, and even when I come to visit, it just sucks my soul dry.. Some people and places are just so bad for you.  Talk to them .. really.  OR just go ahead and do it, but know this - they will be able to find you - and they will force you to come back - BUT after that happens, they will be open for dialog with you - you will be able to tell them how damaging their home is to you - and they will be able to take you seriously.. This is what happened to me- They never listened until after I ran away.. Then they let me finish my high school degree online and let me move out when I needed to.\n\nTo help you any further, I would need to know your age and your state.\n\nAnd like the other person mentioned, if you are working and making some of your own money, you might be able to get emancipated. \n\nChoices Other Than Emancipation\n\nEmancipation is only one of several alternatives available to you if you feel you cannot live with your caregiver.  You may want to consider other options such as:\n\nfamily counseling or mediation service between you and your parents; \nliving with another responsible adult (aunt, uncle, grandparent, or family friend); \nseeking assistance from public and private agencies; \nan informal agreement with your caregiver allowing you to live outside your home. \n\n\nMy final advice to you is this - family counseling - if nothing else works - this will.  The other person there can help you communicate effectively with your caregiver - and don't assume they will only be on your caregivers side either.  Present your case to them, and unless you have no reason for wanting to move out, they will support you and help you work out a solution with your family..\n\nGood luck, ok?  Feel free to personally email me if you need any personal or legal advice..  Bj_Osterhout@yahoo.com
307984
Tell her to get a hold of herself and respect you and what you want or need. You don't have to let her stay there. You are doing it because you are a good hearted person. If she can't respect you then, tell her that she will have to find somewhere else to stay.