MY dad had left us couple of years ago and now he wont even call me. he said he wants to be a better dad, but he doesnt even try. he lies to me and my family constantly. he is also an alocholic.
200387
Sounds like my dad.  He will be around for a couple months then disappear.  You have to decide how much of this you want to deal with.  I dealt for a long long time but then my father did something so unforgivable that put my children in danger and I will never as long as I live forgive him for that.  Don't let it come to this!  But be careful and watch over the ones that are close to you!
175037
Dear Skittles ...\n\nHe has lost his father and needs to have other grown men (who have their head on straight) to be with and to talk with.\n\nThis is very important, and he might not realize what is going on with him.\n\nHe is at an age where this is even more important.\n\nSee if he will have a look at the website below.
508947
Deja Vu!?!?!?\nMy dh suffers from depression, (yet refuses to take  meds the doctor prescribed), and alcoholism runs (more like gallops) in his family, but still he denies HE has a problem.   \n\nHe decided after many good ears, that he just wanted out!  No reason,.....  he refused to attend counselling, and "marriage counselling" takes both partners attending.\n\nKids and I  let him know he was loved, valuable and that we all wanted him to stay.  He just refused to take meds, got into hiding his drinking, and had an affair and moved out.\n\nI learned the hard way, but any 12-step program (AA, etc) will tell you  that the first step is for the person  to admit  that he/she has a problem.  Until they admit  that, and decide that they WANT to change,.....  there is no-one that can MAKE them change.\n\nYour wife seems to be just as confused.  She's got to decide what  she wants first.  Then, and only then, can you guys try to fix it up.\n\nFor the sake of your kids and the marriage, I hope she gets medical supervision for the depression and gets off the booze.  Booze and depression are a BAD combination.
153645
***I see by these other answers; schools out for the day :(***\n\nI went through this with my dad, it was VERY hard! He left when I was 1 or so.. He wrote when i was 18, I was to mad and hurt to accept him in my life at the moment.. I had just had my son and wasnt into family reunions if ya know what I mean.. I finally @ 25'ish found him on "class mates" and sent him a free msg.. He wrote back imediatly.. It has helped me in so many ways.. I always had issue because of him.. Afraid all men would leave me, that i wasnt good enough, etc.. Talking and making amends has helped me free myself from subconcious demons.. @ 26 now I can say its a good idea to at least make things good on the surface.. For your soul if nothing else! I also have an older sister whom i had never met.. She is his 1st daughter.. We have just found out that she is HIV positive.. It has sadly brought me and my father closer together.. She has not yet shared this with me despite my email attempts.. Its nice to have my father through all of this, odd as it is..
265296
Your heart for your dad is in the right place. \n\nYou say your dad's a good person. And he does act like he still loves you. So it's possible that he DOES still love you, and thinks the situation is somehow resolved or that you've managed to move past it.\n\nBut it still hurts you, so you need to talk to him about it.\n\nThink about the fight, assuming that your dad loves you and is a good person. First, was it possible your dad had a good reason (at least to him) for thinking you were wrong in that situation? It's just something to think about, so that you can understand his perspective. \n\nAlso, the comment you claim to have made was very aggressive ("Are you going to let her talk to me like that?!") and also put your dad in a terrible bind -- you basically made him choose between two people he loves. Ouch. \n\nThat's a horrible position for him to be placed in, and some people react in anger at being forced to respond to such things. \n\nYou love him, you're pretty sure he loves you. So tell him you were hurt by what happened, that you feel like he chose this woman over you (despite your having the "stronger" claim in some ways), and you want badly to know that he really does deeply love you.\n\nYou can try to forgive him from a distance, but it will be much easier if you can talk to him openly (without attacking him) about how you felt and how badly you want to know he still loves you.\n\nI would also ask him what he loves about his partner, and the things that makes him want to stick with her, despite some problems. Show some real interest in the things that matter to him. That will help him be more open to you in turn.\n\nThe fight itself (who was right or wrong between you and your father's drunk partner) might never get resolved, but that's not the issue anyway: You miss your father, and you want to feel loved by and close to him again. So focus on that.
567921
He's worthless.....so start weaning your kids from him.  Never talk bad about him in front of the kids.....they'll eventually will learn and have their own opinions of him.  Any father who doesn't want to spend time with his children is a worthless piece of sh*t.  If worse gets to worse....you could always tell the kids that he moved far away.   Best of luck to you..........
488376
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom  sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.\nMy advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?\n She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.\nI too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things. \nTry putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.\nSorry this is so long, but there was alot to say. \nJust remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
622112
i really hope dad doesnt give him back, you have abandoned your kid to pursue your own selfish interests. dont bother saying you're doing this for your son, deep down you know better.good luck making all that money your son doesnt care about.i hope dad can provide him with love.i just hate people like you.
400667
My heart goes out to you and your Dad and your whole family. This must be really hard for you all. Especially around the holidays. I believe that everybody and every living thing on this earth has an energy about them. If I were you I would take his hand in yours and pour your energy into him. Give him as much as energy as you can. I cannot tell you how to do it because for me, it just happens. I can feel the love and the warmth intertwining with the other.\nThis is the time you of all people need to keep the faith, whichever faith that is. By you keeping the faith and sharing it with your Dad, it will help to keep his faith. More faith means more positive energy and a stronger recovery. Share your energy with your family and friends. It will be passed onto your Dad as well. \nDo not be sad. Sadness is not a good energy. You must believe all will be well. Know your Dad wants to be well. Deep inside he doesn't want to let you down. Show him how positive you are about it. Don't act it. Believe it and when all is said and done, things will be what they were. Maybe now, they will even be better. As a Dad myself, there is nothing more important to me than to make my daughter happy and I am sure your Dad is the same way.\nKeep the faith. Be positive. BELIEVE in your Dad recovery. Share your energy with him each and every time you see him. Tell him you love and not just in passing. Take an actual moment of time to convey this to him.\nChin up. Take note the beautiful day that is out there. Take a walk in nature. Let natures energy revive you, charge you, and bring that back to your Dad.\nTake care and remember. "Don't worry, be happy"!
457376
He's obviously an @ss, I would get some psychological help for your son as soon as possible so he doesn't end up with abandonment issues and blaming himself for his biological (only) father not wanting to see him. Good riddance to him, sorry for you and your son.
637243
Look Honey, your Dad is a classic alcoholic, and it is quite normal for alcoholics to blame others, especially family members for their drinking. Take it from me, as my Father was just the same, and eventually drank himself to death. He also threatened to and attempted suicide several times, but it is not your fault, it is his. You don't get to pick your parents, and I think you should cut him off all together, and tell him that is what you are going to do. I did the same to my Dad, and told him if he quit drinking and being abusive that I would allow him back into my life. He chose to drink, and I hardly ever saw him again. His loss, my gain, and I have no regrets.
479283
My dad never called me either,  I always had to call him.  He died in August, and I miss  him.  Stop worrying about the small stuff.  CALL YOUR DAD!!!
181687
Sorry to hear that but it sounds like there is a divorce coming, in order for your parents to still be able to be good parents sometimes they have to so whats best for them, if they aren't happy it makes it harder for them to keep you happy and your happiness means a lot to them. people grow and people change, i hope for your sake they make a change that will be better for you.
622546
You know what? This may hurt, but screw your parents. I've lived an awful life, and I could tell you my life story, but it would go on and on. I'll give you the short version. I have been tossed back and forth between my parents all my life. (they were never married, and never intended to be, I was just a big "accident.") I would go not seeing my mom for 7 years and then not seeing my dad for 4. It's really messed up. I moved in with my mom 4 years ago after not seeing her for the 7 years. I thought that her and I could heal things with time, plus my dad is a really awful person and I wanted to get away from him. Things were ok for a while, and then about a year ago I cam home from school and she was gone. Just gone. I found out that she had moved to another STATE to be with some guy she met on the internet. So now, I have no parents.  I'm going to be honest with you--it IS a hard road, and sometimes you are going to feel like you will never make it to see tomorrow. You just have to have faith in yourself. And guess what? I'm 18 now and I have my own place with the guy of my dreams, and for the first time in my life, I am TRUELY happy. So I wish you luck...reach for the stars and never give in on your dreams. If your parents really love you, then maybe someday in the future they will see past their mistakes...
451871
I don't know really what to tell you.. have you talked to him about this?? I am a father myself... and I know often times I may seem to be preoccupied or not generally paying attention... sometimes people may just be under a great deal of stress... maybe it's hard for him being so far from home for so long... I wouldn't assume that he doesn't want to spend time with you... I don't know him personally... but I know with my kid... I can't think of anything I'm more proud of... I can't imagine that your father is much different... I'm sure he loves you... maybe talking to him about this would be a good start...
314473
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
16268
I would talk to him and see if he is willing to go to counselling and try to work out this issue, try and see if the relationship can be salvaged , don't give too easily( unless he is abusing you, then get out of there, NOW) but if he's just a jerk then let him know how you feel and as i suggested  counselling and if this doesn't work then you really need to make a decision becuase you don't want to be unhappy and you don't want to teach your kids that it's ok be in this type of relationship, at least if you seek help to salvage the relationship and you honestly tried to make it work and it didn't , you can walk away from it and you can say to yourself that you honestly tried to make it work and you won't have any regrets.