My parents didn't believe me but my older sister did because the same thing happened to her. I have always felt like my sister and I are close,but my sister that was married to this monster I really am not close to.My parents look highly on this sister and my younger brother,but my sister and I that this happend to are the shame in their eyes.  I love my husband so much we have 2 wonderful children. But he doesn't understand when I pull away when he touches me.why can't I get over this? I was 16 and I am now 31.
207474
i was 12 when my own grandfather repeated sexually molested me while i was sleeping, i am now 31 and to this day if my husband touches me while i am sleeping i freak out, if your husbands wants to help you get past this problem you must first make him understand why you pull away. also you have to remember that your husband is not your x-brother-in-law. i would suggest that you you try counseling, on you own at first then get your husband to join you for a few sessions. a professional opinion may help both of you to be able to work pass this. I wish you all the luck in the world and always remember that the shame belongs with the x-brother-in-law, you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. if your parents and the rest of you family doesn't see that then they need professional help! ps....patience is the key here, for some people they rebound a lot quicker than others, for some of us it is an everyday struggle to try to over come what has happened to us!
335335
They sound like selfish people.I know it hurts you,but you can't let it destroy your life.You are a worthwhile person and a reflection of the almighty.Don't try to have a relationship with them.Believe me they are going to pay for the way they treat you.You will find a good man get married and have a family of your own and you can give them all that love you have stored up.Best wishes
226148
Yes, this has happened to me several times. I have even felt things like about my family. I once had my younger sister on my mind real heavy and could not figure out why I just knew it had to do with her. Later she stopped by my house and told me that she just got married. I was floored! I knew something was up but did not know exactly what till she came to my house.
496894
I have three step-children and my husband and I have been married for 34 years.  I understand your feelings, it isn't always "easy", but it is possible.  \n\nIt doesn't "take anything from you" if your husband is close to his daughter.  Their relationship is very different from the one he shares with you.  His ability to be a good father shows what kind of person he is, it's probably one of the things that you love about him.  You have children also so you should understand the bond between a parent and child.  \n\nI don't necessarily think you feel that way just because this is your "step-daughter".  Sometimes my husband feels a little "jealous" when I spend more time with the kids, and they are "his".\n\nI think it's more likely that your jealousy is because there is another "female" in his life (even if it is his daughter).  Father's and daughters often share a special "bond", I think that's what is bothering you.  You need to find a way to accept their relationship or you are going to be a very unhappy person.\n\nYou are probably feeling a little insecure, talk to your husband.  It doesn't have to be a problem, but it might turn into one if you don't deal with it now.  I think your feelings are normal, maybe you just need a little reassurance from your husband.  I'm sure he has plenty of love to go around!\n\nBest of luck.
645066
I AM A VERY YOUNG LADY WHO IS MARRYED TO A MAN WITH DOWN SYNDROME, WHO I HAD TO FIGHT TO BE WITH HIM BECASUE MY FAMILY THOUGHT THAT WE WOULD END UP GETTING HURT, BY GETTING MARRYED .SO ONE DAY I CALLED UP MY HUSBAND NOW BACK THEN AND TALKED TO HIS MOM AND I TOLD HER THAT I LOVE YOUR  SON AND THAT I WANTED TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM, AND SHE SAID WHAT ANOUT YOUR PARENTS? I SAID" WHAT ABOUT MY PARENTS", I WOULD TELL THEM IN A COUNCELING MEETING I HAD. PEOPLE THOUGH I WAS GETTING MARRYED TO MY HUSBAND TO GET CLOSE TO HIS MOM AND I WAS ONLY MARRYING HIM BECASUE I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND MY SOUL. WE ARE NOW GOING TO BE MARRYED THIS AUGUEST FOR 12 YEARS. WE HAVE ALOT OF STUFF IN LIFE YET WE WANT TO HAVE ONE BABBY AND THEN TO US WOULD MAKE OUR FAMILY COMPLETE TO US. BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I LOVE TO BE AROUND CHILDREN AND THEY LOVE US ALSO.
41940
time heals the past... but leaves a scar to it... your parents maybe afraid that whatever happened in the past may happen in the future... (de'javu?) \nthe man should prove his worth for your sister... \ni dont know what you beliefs are, but i guess, you could help explaining to your parents that age doesn't really matter when it comes to love... that your sister loves him, and that he's changed already (but sometimes, parents are really hard-headed, coz they believe what their intuition says)\nas long as the man shows that he's really changed, in time, he'll be accepted in the family... and your parents would love him more than what we think... \nYOUR WORK/DOINGS KEEPS YOUR WORTH, whatever he's doin' that will be noticed, and be graded... (by your parents/people from afar but knows whats' his doin)
466695
It's not you!!!!! She is totally okay and so are you! haha I think it's really cute. \nShe sounds very decent.  Gosh, I can't think of the word.  She's not a skank, that's for sure.\nIt's possible that there's been sexual abuse in the past, though.\n\nMy mom and sister are the exact same way.  My mom's been married for YEARS AND YEARS and is still this way with my dad.  She makes him turn off the lights before she gets undressed.  She was sexually molested as a young teenager, so it's partly due to that.  My sister is just extra modest.  OH that's the word I was looking for!\nSome women are just a lot more modest than others.\nDon't worry about it.  She was that way before and probably will be forever.  Don't make her feel bad about it and don't let her think it's because of you that she's this way or she'll feel really bad and the problem still won't be fixed.\nJust accept her for being this way and just think it's cute and realize you have a very modest wife and be glad of that.
309147
Did you ever tell him how deeply you were hurt by it? If not, maybe that's the reason why. You probably kept a lot of pain inside and never confronted or forgave him. Also, I go through this, when you look at your child, you are always reminded of the times, the good and the bad,  you had to go through with their father as they are growing because your child is product of you and her father. I would tell him how you feel, forgive, and let go. God blessed you with a great marriage.
100805
Try to understand that your parents can love each other yet not be IN love with each other.  Feelings are a hard thing to understand - if he is depressed because of what he's doing to the family, try to understand that.  Things like falling in love don't always mean forever, and somethings,, things like this do happen.  My best advice to you, try to be supportive of your family throughout this situation, and try to understand that children are not the cause of things like this - nature is.  It won't be easy, depending on what ends up happening, but be strong, especially for your mom and siblings if you have any. Good luck
544429
Not that I've ever heard of. That is very uncommon and very wrong. This woman needs some intense therapy and so does her brother. The problems do most likely stem from the abuse they observed and/or suffered as children. Think about it--when you see something going on as a kid, you don't know it's wrong; it just is what it is. You think that's the way it should be. Sounds like this woman and her brother are maybe stuck in that thought pattern, although one would think that by now they would see it thru adult eyes and realize it's not normal. But for whatever reason, they don't see it that way. They need some serious counseling to dig thru the mountain of misconceptions, guilt, and sexual and emotional dysfunctions. I hope they can get this soon.
617501
I was adopted by my maternal grandma and stepgrandpa (my brother was too). We were very young (I was 2 1/2 years old; he was 5 months old). Our birth mother grew up around us, so I got to know her, as much as she would allow, that is. Our birth father wasn't allowed to see us. We met him when I was 20 and my brother was 18. We have gotten close over the past 21 years.\n\nAs for how I felt about being adopted and how it affected my life:  I felt as if my parents were too old and didn't understand (but most kids feel this way). I didn't feel 'abandoned' until I was in my teens as that is when our birth mother got into trouble with the law and has been running ever since. I have seen her a few times since then, but she won't allow anyone to get too close to her emotionally. I had to learn how to deal with her abandoning me a second time, which affected how I acted around guys. I always thought that they would abandon me like she did. In a way, my ex husband did this (he had numberous affairs, many I only suspect; 2 I know about). He wasn't there for me emotionally like I wanted and needed.\n\nI am lucky in the fact that I now have a totally understanding fiance that is there for me in every way possible. I have slowly learned how to deal with abandonment issues (lots of counseling and time), but it was hard work.
303938
yes it is wrong!!!! They SHOULD truly love each other because they are siblings.WHEN will the Madness end!!!!????? Where are their parents.......probably just as sick.I would NEVER consider entering an intimate relationship with a family member,that's just INSANE!! But considering where the world is headed,I don't know why I am so shocked.There are NO limits to what people will do these days,and it is bone-chilling to think what will happen next.
440732
I am so sorry to hear this because a good relationship with your sister is a precious gift from the Lord. I was 10 years older than my sister and we always got along beautifully although sometimes I felt more like a second mom than a sister until we became adults. Finally, we became the best of friends but she died of cancer a few years ago. Thank God I was left with some beautiful memories of our great love and friendship. Please work things out between you and your sister because "tomorrow" might be too late. I wish you well.
69795
Oh, I really feel for you. It's very hard to face this sort of situation.  If you know where he lives, send him a letter telling him exactly what you have told us; that you love him and miss him dreadfully, that you miss his friendship and him being in your life.  You don't say how old you both are, but if he was quite young when this happened it may be that he is regretting his hot-headedness (you might find that out when you establish contact with him, but not initially), and he may later welcome the chance to get back in touch with the family through you.\n\nBut if you want to contact him, you need to make it plain that if he doesn't want contact with his parents, that's regrettable but perhaps understandable, but it isn't his relationship - or lack of it - with them that bothers you, it's the relationship between the pair of you that you want to heal.  However, you will also need to be very careful about your own relationship with your parents.  It could hurt them dreadfully if they find out that you have been in contact with your brother, and hurt people tend to lash out.  It may be that your brother felt very hurt if you seemed to take their 'side' rather than his in whatever happened when all you were trying to do was mediate, or just got caught in the crossfire, and he lashed out at you.\n\nJust spend some time putting your thoughts down on paper, don't condemn him in any way at all, and tell him you will always love and miss him.  I hope it all works out well for you.
9181
This is a great question.  I will await all the answers.  I have the same question( except the marriage part-but we've dated for almost 6 yrs now, and have a planned 7 month old baby).  It hurts me, also. For me, it's also a trust thing. You feel like you don't want to leave the house ever. It makes me feel very trapped and stressed.  I don't mind him looking at it once in a while, but I'd rather he looked at it when I was around and included me in stuff like,  " Oh hey.. look at THIS! teehee" or whatever.  Good luck. I've talked to my boyfriend about this, and he just doesn't get it. I'm glad there are others out there that feel the same way. My boyfriend has slowed down considerably, and hides his tracks much better, now, but it doesn't stop the fact that I don't trust him while I'm gone.
301538
You may have thought your whole life that you were an only child just because thats how things seem. However this sister of yours has been here even if you knew nothing about it. Your mom may not have felt she was stable financiall or emotionally to care for you  when she gave you up for adoption. this does not mean she loves you any less. she was looking out for your best interest at the time, and in the long run. As for your sister, your mom may have felt horrible about letting you go and not wanting to feel the same hurt again kept your sister. But since you are in a different home you will never know what would have been, and that could be a good thing. I am sure you have had many blessings in your life. you are older now and you have the right to see your mom as well as to become close with your sister. It is great to have someone to share your secrets, loves, tragedies, and thoughts with that may even share the same views and console you. You have the choice to help keep your sister from making some of the same mistakes you might have made, or give her advice on things she doesn't feel comfortable with. You can make this a positive situation. Its not easy, i know, but you can't change the past. but you can make a difference in your future as well as your sisters and moms. \nAS far as your dad hating you. He sounds like he got a wild hair up his butt. pay him no mind. and his accusations are very irrational. he should get a clue. good luck girl
290437
Here is the BIG PICTURE ON THIS; I was reading the newspaper this morning on the Boston Herald and there was a front page article on Polygamy.  Because of the 20/20 news story.  Why is this relevant?  Because IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO INTIMACY.  There are so many emotionally dysfunctional people in this world and that dysfunctionality starts at SUCH an early age.  Heck, I notice when my 7 year old niece had been watching programs that are too old for her because she'll want to kiss me on the lips and I say, no, that's not for Aunts, that's for mommy's and daddy's.  Kids DO NOT KNOW boundaries (and nor does he) and if parents don't do an effective job at establishing those boundaries, you don't develop properly and psychologists ALL agree that if your brain doesn't develop properly in certain areas by a certain age, it never will.  So with ALL the issues that parents have from being married too young, to unwanted pregnancies to bad relationships to controlling parents or the other millions of issues, you better bet your sweet cheeks that people, including your friend's husband, are going to have weird emotional and sexual hang ups.  And it's all because of a lack of healthy boundaries and healthy intimacy.   It isn't normal for him to do this, of course not but I'd be SCARED TO DEATH to find out what the average american is doing in bed.  And the huge fight they had is totally predictable.  It's her feeling frustrated and angry because she can't control his behavior and is scared of it and then belittling him and shaming him which is probably EXACTLY what his mother did to him to set boundaries, she shamed him and guilted him like lots of parents do without even knowing.  Do you see the pattern?  So her reaction is subconsciously what he expects from her and subconsciously that could be the reason he wants to do it, the shame and guilt is his dysfunctional way of getting attention and love.  He married someone who would shame him in a severe situation and she did exactly that.  he doesn't have the intimacy skills to try and become more emotionally healthy because he is essentially afraid of her reaction.  Make sense?  So it's easier for him to act out his hang ups and try not to get caught.   It's very deep but very true.  If you've been to therapy or studied psychology, this would make perfect sense.  and you may have!  Bottom line, there are serious unhealthy patterns here and it's not just on his side.  She shames and guilts and he behaves in a way that will be shamed and guilted.  They both need counseling.