I am 30 years old. I have a friend the same age that I've known since we were 9 years old. She convinced my dad to let her stay in his motel room and drink alcohol. My dad went ahead and did b/c she is homeless. She was already staying with me. The next morning he brings her back to my house and is in a hurry to get away from her and calls me later saying that she got too drunk. My dad went to sleep first in his own bed (they had 2 beds) and she continued to stay up. The next morning my dad wakes up and she is in his bed wrapping herself around him. That's when he gets up and says come on, I'm taking you back. My dad doesn't drink that much. He usually drinks a six pack then that's enough. When I talked to my friend, she said the same thing that my dad did. She didn't deny anything. This feels so awkward to me and I can't help it. My dad wanted someone to talk to that night and she wanted more. How should I feel?
217929
How should I feel ? Sounds like a loaded question.\nCannot tell you how to feel.Whatever you are feeling areexactly how you are feeling.\nThe question should be : How should I handle it?\n1. Your friend is 30 yrs. old\n2. She was already staying with you.\n3. Had too much to drink\n4. Homeless------ No excuse\n5. friends for 21 years\n\nNow lets look at your Dad\n\n1. Your Dad--Your role model\n2. Knows your friend was already staying with you ?\n3. Knows she was drinking\n4. Knows that your friend could have been you---- same age.\n5. Knows that she is your friend for 21 years\n\n\n FACTS\nYour friend knew what she was doing\nShe knew that she already had somewhere staying---- with you.\n3. She probably had , had a crush on your Dad\n4. Excuse that there were 2 beds in room eventhough it was the truth--Excuse\n\nFacts about you\n\n1. you trusted your friend\n2. you trusted your Dad\n3. You did not expect your friend to do that.\n4. You did not expect your Dad to MAKE that STUPID  decision \n5. Now you are feeling torn up inside\n6. Eventhough they are both saying the same thing , A part of you is not sure if you do believe them.\n\n\nWhat you could do\n\n1. Tell your friend exactly how you are feeling--- if she values your friendship any at all, she should understand and apologise to you.\n2. If after 21 years she does not value the friendship, she will get up in your face, thinking it is no big deal.\n3. Talk to your Dad. First with respect. Tell him how you are feeling about the situation that took place.\n4. Tell him your friend was already staying with you , if he did not know that.\n5.Tell him you mean him no disrespect because he is a grown man , but you believe he made a dumb, stupid, whatever you feel like type of mistake.\n\n6.Finish it from there.\n\n\n7.REMINDER: \nTHey both made stupid mistakes.\nIt is up to you after this is over to FORGIVE and get on with your life.\nAt least you were honest with your feelingson this\n\nPraying for you.
671297
He is probably going through a bad patch of some kind. Have you spoken to him about it (I don't mean confronted). Often just a little gentle reminder of the dangers of drink will be enough to calm him down again. If it doesn't you have to make a choice.\nBeing with a drunk is never a good thing and often leads to violence. Even if it happens once get out of there and don't look back.
89132
Sorry, But unfortunitly, you can't help him. UNLESS of curse he wants help. I have a brother who has basically lost everything. House, Wife, Family and most of his friends. Why because he is a BIG TIME DRUNK. He wakes up by the bottle, he goes to sleep with the bottle, and he most likely will die by the bottle. He recently went to jail. YES for aocohol related stuff. He spent 3 months in jail. He couldn't smoke or drink any alcohol. Now keep in mind he was there for three months. I picked him up when he got released and took him home. His girlfriend later told me that when she got to his apartment he was DRUNK and smoking away. Good luck tho I hope he makes it.
246161
At 21 she is a legal adult. he is just feeling over protective. talk to him WITHOUT making it sound like a big deal to you, unless he doesnt take it seriously. If he wont listen help your daughter out! hel her find an apartment/condo/ she can even live wiht you!
23212
What a horrible situation, isn't it?? My mom and stepdad were both alcoholics. My stepdad still is and my mom is dead. Anyway, at first they would just drink on the weekends, then it was everyday. When I got home from school, I never knew what to expect. Would they be drunk or sober, would they be fighting, would my mom have had the crap beat outa her, or would they be in "love mode"??? I would sneak out quite often when they were drunk. Then after awhile, I just started walking out the front door without saying anything to them. Finally, when I was 14, yes 14, I left home and moved to AZ with a friend and her older brother and wife. It's so hard to deal with someone who drinks heavily. That seems to be all they live for--their next drink. Really, the only way to cope is by leaving. If they're not willing to sober up and go through the steps, really commit to quitting, then it's up to you to make a move. LITERALLY!!! It's not healthy for you to live in that environment. You may love whomever you're referring to, but you have to love yourself first. Just take care of you. Good luck.
637243
Look Honey, your Dad is a classic alcoholic, and it is quite normal for alcoholics to blame others, especially family members for their drinking. Take it from me, as my Father was just the same, and eventually drank himself to death. He also threatened to and attempted suicide several times, but it is not your fault, it is his. You don't get to pick your parents, and I think you should cut him off all together, and tell him that is what you are going to do. I did the same to my Dad, and told him if he quit drinking and being abusive that I would allow him back into my life. He chose to drink, and I hardly ever saw him again. His loss, my gain, and I have no regrets.
584409
There are different forms of alcoholism.....you don't have to drink everyday to be considered an alcoholic.  How it affects you....if you can't stop at having just one or two drinks for example, or if you have blackouts and can't remember what you did the day after is another form of alcoholism.  Needing to drink every day is definitely a form of alcoholism.  It definitely sounds like your friend is in denial.  You could mention to him that you feel that his health is in jeporady, but only he can want to help himself.  It takes alot of courage and determine to overcome this disease.  I know that for a fact.  My father died at the age of 36 from alcoholism and my family tried for years and we had him in many programs, but he just could not overcome the desire or will power to stop.  I am 50 years old and I know for a fact that I could if I allowed myself to get in trouble with alcohol.  If I have more than 3 drinks at a time, I have blackouts and become deathly ill.... that is a form of alcoholism.  Try to encourage your friend to get help and "be there for him", but make him understand that he has to want to STOP!
517545
It is NOT your fault.  Your dad made the decision to do this on his own.  You had nothing to do with it.  You are a great person.  Find an adult you can trust and talk to them about it.  They can help you deal with your feelings.  \nYou did nothing wrong.  You are a great person who loved your dad very much and did the best you could to help him feel better.
120581
Some people don't want to associate with people who have helped them through troubled times.  It frightens them, because they remember how bad off they were. While you obtain strength and support from the program, he feels it is holding him back in some way--like it's not letting him move on with his life.\nIf he isn't drinking or hostile, let him be.  If he begins to act hostile, he should seek professional counseling.
417725
You had 26 answers already at the time of my replying, and i didnt read them but i can imagine what most of them will say. You are young, your boyfriend doesnt treat you right and doesnt treat his body with respect - so why do you think he will be good for you when he's not good to himself?\n\nOf course you have got involved with someone else. Its natural. You want a proper life with someone who cares. Its not a mess sweetheat, he's no good for you so just leave! Really, just pack up your stuff and leave. It may be hard but it will be best in the long run.\n\nGet support from family and friends, and just do it! A&#92; year from now you will be SO much happier!\n\nIf a friend was in your situation what would you tell them? You'd said he doesnt deserve you, wouldnt you? Come on, ring your mum or a friend and say you want help leaving..... they will be delighed to help believe me!\n\nMy daughter left a relationship like this last year. He was a drinker and had started to push her around too. Now she is with a lovely bloke.\n\nI hope you get the strength to do this, and make a good life for yourself.
559282
You are ONLY human, and facing more tests and trials than most people do in a lifetime, all at once. You are tired, to the point of exhaustion even, and you need to be able to rest and recuperate some. Unless dad is abusive(which he is not), then you need to let him keep her at least part-time. You ARE NOT, neither will you be, a bad Mother if you let Dad help you with his daughter. I know it's a tough thing to do, but hopefully, it's temporary, and you can get better. Then you can resume your keeping and caring for her . Good Luck!!
495888
Well your dad obviously is one of those men who moves around a lot in life...you are right to expect more, but you may find yourself disappointed over and over in life...because now this new chick in his life will want him all to herself and she will want to be his priority.  So you are going to be in a difficult situation.\n\nYou are lucky you had this time together.  Hopefully you will have more time together.  Talk to you dad when she's not around and tell him how you feel.  Really have a heart to heart with him about your feelings...in the past and now...and what your fears are.  This way he will be aware and will sense when you are feeling this way...and hopefully find a way to smooth it all out so you can all be happy.  Don't be surprised though if this girl may sway him away from you.  She isn't much older than you and probably you are as mature if not more than she is...what's with that dad of yours anyhow!  Sheesh.  Nothing you can do about it if it he ends up with this woman but you shouldn't become enemies with her or it will be very hard and your dad may have to choose and hey...men don't always think with thier heads.  Good luck to you.
227276
YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ITS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU FATHER ISN'T MAN ENOUGH TO STEP UP AND BE A FATHER,YOU HAVE 2 LOVE YOURSELF AND LET GOD HANDLE THE REST FOR YOU! MY FATHER WAS NEVER AROUND AND HE STILL DRINKS ALOT.STAY STRONG 4 YOURSELF AND YOUR BROTHER!AND DONT FORGET ITS NOT YOUR FAULT SO DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT.
514696
well i think that you shouldn't be getting drunk n e more and if you dew make sure you are in the safty of your own home...also not hang around him again because that is not a true friend cuz a true friend wouldn't try to BONE you.
122509
this sound similar to what I went through. THe only difference is that my dad didn't step in. I pretty much grew up making mistates and learning from them on my own. I don,t recommend this at all. Get involved with her. Don't punish cause at this age they think that parents don't know any thing. Try to spend quality time with her and gradually talk about whats going on in her life. Remind her that you love her and want the best for her. Let her know that for any reason, you are there for her. Somewhere in your conversations ask her about her boyfriend. Even if you have to pretend, make her think that you see where she is coming from. 16 year olds need to know that their dad will be there for all of their life, even the mistakes. My dad just pretty much let me live and learn. I think I turned out o.k. but I still wish I would of had the guidance from my dad. My mom died when I was 10 and it was really hard for him, but he did not seek help. I really hope that things get worked out. Don't give up and try your best to be involved with your CHILD. She is still your child. The mom needs a good talking to. She is alot of the reason that your daughter is doing what she is doing. Explain your concerns and she is you can meet in the middle some where or at least come to some understanding on why this is not appropriate. She has alot of influence on her. Good luck.  Contact me and let me know how it goes.
217996
Make a video of her doing it....what a wonderful world we live in where you can tape just about anything and everything. Yes she has a problem with drinking because she cannot remember anything she does the next day. What she is doing is killing herself and one day may end up in the hospital for alcohol poisioning if she doesn't watch herself. But ya its AA not AAA, I think your A key got stuck hopefully. AA is not a shame but rather a support group for those who have alcohol dependency. I wouldn't knock it if you don't know what it is like.
118716
Are you at his house? Is he at your house? Are you two living together? By reading your question, I will say that you put too much weight on this matter.  My mother is like that.  She will stay up all night waiting to see when my father or me will come home if we said something wrong that day.  This is normal human behavior. However, I like to caution you that a relationship which consist of arguing and one person staying up all night until the other person coming home (so that they can talk) is no real relationship.  He is probably seeing someone I'm sorry.  A man is not a REAL man if he can't be precise.  Men tends to excused themselves to get some free time or some space.  Sweety, in the long run, you are going to be the one who loses at the end.  You will never feel any better in the morning, trust me.  There are many other nice guys out there.  However, please look at the situation carefully and see why are you two arguing.  You may be the problem.  All your worries at night will just push him away instead of bringing him closer to you.  If I were you, I would talk to your girlfriends and your family about this.  This is SERIOUS matter.  A sweetheart like you does not need to be staying up all night and worrying like that.  Instead you should be sleeping well and warm and waking up to beautiful flowers next to you, from him.  Do not do anything more to stress you..   Serpeanta@yahoo.com