I just asked a question on when should you know to seperate: here are more details;\nHe makes more money and thinks it is HIS: we have 2 kids and I am suppose to budget my money and my kids while he does his own thing..\nHe gets upset with me or the boys if we "interfere" w/ his life (planes)\nI work at a highschool and he refuses to attend events (football, basketball) etc... becaue I talk to the kids too much.\nHe thinks he job overweighs mine (he's a tech support)\nHe told me that he doens't like that I tell funny stories alothough he did when we were dating.\nWe don't talk, have sex, or laughh anymore.   Even if I leave to my parent's for a week.\nAT christmas, I sat up with my two 22 year old neices and played games and they taught me how to "text" (I'm 38 and clueless) and he didn't talk to me all christmas eve.\nDo you see where this is going???? Yet I WANT to love him.
203414
People stay in relationships long after they do each other any good because by nature no one wants to be a quitter.  Especially as women we are nurturers and want to fix everything.  That takes cooperation though, you can try marriage counseling if he is willing to participate, breaking up a family is nothing to do lightly, but don't waste years trying to fix something that your partner has no interest in fixing either.  Move on and build a stable but separate existence for you and your children,(sharing custody) the courts will tell him how much child support to pay.
355174
Here's our story...tell me what you think.\n\nWe originally met in 9th Grade, he was the new boy in school.  We became fast friends and soon became more than that.  We were inseperable, many crazy adventures and all that fun young love stuff.  We broke up just before the school year ended because of our friends...you know the only people you listen to when you are 15 years old.\n\nWe stayed friends over the years, going for coffe every month or so to catch up.  I had the travel bug so after high school I moved around a bit, when I was gone he met someone else and married her.  On one of my stops home I found out he had married this girl (who I knew & knew she was not a good person), I told him my concerns & in my heart I knew that if he said me wanted he back I'd go.  He didn't so I was off on my journeys again.\n\nWell when I was 31 I moved back to my home town.  As luck would have it we met up one night, he was still married to the girl but he had been living in his basement for the last 6 years and had little or nothing to do with his wife.  He was miserable. \n\nWe spent that night catching up, when it was time to go home he grabbed my hand and said he let me go once & he was never going to do that again.  He moved out the next day and we are now married and have a beautiful 3 year old little boy.  \n\nSo no, I don't worry about him leaving me for someone else.  I think it all depends on the situation, and the rest of the story.  People look for love outside of their relationships because there is usually something wrong within their current relationship.  Others are just really shallow and want a "trophy wife"...those relationships never work out.
306293
I am a single mother of two kids, ages 13 and 14, and i go to college full time.  I just ended a relationship with my boyfriend because he said i didnt havent time for him. He was always bitching so i fired him.  Anyway, i can see where you are coming from.  I talk to someone who lives far away, and i seem to feel like i have known this person forever.  He is really great!  Although, i do seem to have feelings for him, but i really dont think that will work out because of the distance between us.  If he lived closer, and to be honest, with everything that is going on with me now, im not ready for another relationship. Maybe when i get out of school, but for now, just me and my kids and my school work.  Of course, the kids come before everthing.  Anyway, not sure how to give u a straight up answer.  It could go either way.  Good luck with school. I think its great that your doing all that.  Im not working right now and going crazy with it all but i will graduate in December of this year and it will be all worth it!  What ever u do, dont let a relationship come before your son and your schoolwork.  You are working hard at a brighter future for u and your son.  You can do it!  You dont need a man to take care of you or your son. Does the guy live close by?  Anyway, I think it is possible to love someone you never met, but is it wise?  It seems kind of scary, but i wouldnt get my hopes up.  You have to be aware of the possible dangers, even if you talk to him all the time, doesnt mean that you truly know him.  Watch yourself, for u and your son.  We have some real sickos out here.  Anyway, good luck with school and dont give up.  I cant tell u how many times i wanted to give up.  Just watch yourself.  Bye for now!
320062
maybe its your job----kids--- stress.... i think i go down that road from time 2 time.... then---- its 1-1/2 hrs the next nite... try someting new... maybe a date with him...hope this helped u
449986
You are obviously still young enough to find a better person.  This guy has waaaay too much baggage for you to carry.  Take it from someone who wasted alot of her young adult age on the same guy you just described.  Believe me, you're wasting your time.  At first, because we were "in love", he was all for the "help" and did alot to stop the bad habits he had.  But after a few years, he started to resent me, because I had "tied him down", "made his life boring"  you get the picture.  Then when he became depressed, because he wasn't having any "Fun", (If you call drinking yourself unconsious fun or getting arrested because you started a fight at a gas station, fun)  He was so pissed at me all the time, because he couldn't go "out" that he started to verbally, then physically abuse me.  I tried to stick by him,  help him, I always told him that "all I wanted to do was help him", he just said I was trying to control him.  He would purpously start fights with me just so he could leave and use me as an excuse to go "out".  The funny thing is , I refused to listen to my mom.  I paid for it with nine years in hell, and I haven't seen my family for twenty years.  Please while you still haven't been through hell, get out.  If you choose to stay, keep in touch and on good terms with mom, you WILL need her someday.  Watch out for the warning signs and take care of yourself.  Good Luck
489191
DAY at a TIME. If you still love him then try reverse psychology. Be nice to him, agree with what he says, and he will not know what to do or say. Be mature and tell him, ....OH, I am so tired of us not getting along...it is so old. Interfere in your life? He is still part of your life because of the kids, and he will always be a part. Try it, what could it hurt? I went through the same things, my kids would say....she wants us to call her mom... Then I said ...how lucky...you have two moms. ... And honey, if something were to happen to me, then she would take care of you. IT works !!  I used psychology to get control of any situation..  Oh  and if you want to get him back , just tell him.. I had a dream of us, when we first met, do you remember or say positive things, like...the kids did something today and it reminded me of you, they sure are just like their father. If you are still married, there is still hope if that is what you really want. Good Luck !
305690
He sounds like he never grew up.  I have a son-in-law who is the same exact way.  In fact I'm wondering if you are my daughter who is writing this.  Whether or not he's cheating with another girl or not he's cheating your children and you out of a family life together.
97740
Hey girl...this sucks.  Been there done that.  Questions, questions, questions...  You should always know that when you date a guy that has baggage like that to be prepared to sacrafice.  I am impressed with the fact that he was still into a relationship with his x and kids because that shows his willingness to still let the kids have some normalcy.  I can understand how hard this was for you, and maybe it just wasn't meant to be.  Now, if he was just keeping in touch so he could be close to his x, then you are much better off pulling out of that fight, than staying and losing, which would've happened eventually.  Maybe you should give him a call if he is as great as you say he is, and thoroughly explain to him what's been bothering you.  Tell him exactly how you feel about him, and THEN, go on to how you were feeling when you broke it off. If you guys try to repair the relationship, ask if maybe you two could do some things with the kids alone...no x involved.  Start building a relationship with them.  The kids are going to be there always, and the x too at times.  But, you two should be building a relationship outside of the x with the kids. That is respectful to you, and your relationship with the father. I believe in honesty.  It has bit me in the rear a few times, but at least I could sleep at night.  Best Wishes.
330029
Breaks are ok like this, logical and smart.  He's being very mature.  You not going to like how I say this, and I honesty don't know a better wait, so i'm sorry in advance.  But this is your warning from him if I'm reading what you wrote right, your behavor isn't acceptible to him and he's not going to put up with it.  If you can't control it, you might want to move on, save yourself the divorce later.  Hope you don't, sounds like you lucked up and got yourself a good guy.  Alot of girls would love to be in your shoe's.  Don't blow it.
154188
So you had a comparison. I use to be a graphic artist. My job required alot of creativity, long hours, bringing my work home  with me, Deadlines were important. I was juggling work, children, home, and my marriage. \n\nI spent time with my children when I had the day off and after work. I wanted to make sure that they were getting time with me. I was so exausted, that I would not pay attention to my husband, which at the time was working part time after his stint in the military until he found a full-time decent job. \n\nWe would argue about things, I would get forgetful and figured he should cut me some slack. I marriage was not doing well at the time. We had pulled away from each other and the only thing we would do is argue over little things. \n\nI think you have done what I did. get absorbed into your work. Your response is exactly the way I responded to him. I never got credit at home for working the long hours and bring in the money. I then figured out the reason why I didnt get the credit is because I ignored him and how he was doing. \n\nWe had issues, big ones. We finally sat down and talked about them. We agreed to start dating again, once a month we would get a sitter and go out, if we couldnt go out we would rent a movie. We'd talk not about work, but ourselves what we wanted, fun things. \n\nI think that you should tell her that you didnt mean to neglect her, that you have been trying to to what was best and have a decent job, that you didnt see that it was interfering with your marriage so much and that you would like to make things better. Offer a night together and some talking. \n\nThat is the only good advice I can give you.
244405
I am a doctor and while having wild trouble with my wife, I decided to never be with here again.  I have 2 kids. A few months later, 4 to be exact, I started living with one of my patients, who is 40, and had a wild drive for me since 2 years ago. While being my patient nothing happened, but we started talking after I left my wife, never to return I thought. I lived with this woman for over a year, and that was the happiest time of my life. Nevertheless, my kids were having very serious trouble, and even though I did not wish to see my wife again, I decided to return to my kids and get them out of trouble. I will never stop loving my patient, she was the sweetest girl I've never known, but I cannot live happily with her while my kids are going down hill. I may be damned, but I need my kids to be OK for me to be happy, and they demand my presence. I could never feel happy while being with the woman I love while my kids are going through trouble. You being a virgin is not an issue to me, it should not be an issue to you, it should not be an issue for anybody loving you. What worries me is to find you left aside because this guy is married. I am not saying it is right or wrong, I am saying I doubt he will feel absolutely and sincerely happy with you while thinking about his kids. Been there, done that, don't go there, yo don't want to go there. You'll be happy for a while, and then you will know hell. Excuse my honesty, but I do not wish any human being to go through my experience. Hence I have the need to speak about it. And only anonimously. Take my word: you don't want this.\nPD: I am aged 46.
295128
file for child support immediately and use the money to get a babysitter! he's trying to leave you but still control your life, DON'T LET IT HAPPEN, find another way to go out, ask your parents to babysit, trade babysitting with other mothers, you watch theirs they watch yours, stuff like that. once he figures out that his idiot tactics aren't stopping you from moving on he'll get over it. also make it clear to him how absolutely absurd the whole thing is! he's willing to desert his kids, his flesh and blood just to keep you from dating??? its ridiculous and DO NOT STAND FOR IT! you have a right to your life and it sounds like he's run yours for long enough, stand up for yourself. he's not the only one that can watch the kids while you go out. once you put a stop to this silliness and show him he can't run you anymore he'll stop, not to mention being totally stunned that you finally stood up to him! if someone was doing that to me i'd find a date this weekend, right now, even if it was a date i didn't really want i'd go just to prove my point!!
385520
I am married to a man like this.  They live in a dream world.  Because they don't take responsibility for themselves they remain happy-go-lucky kids, which unfortunately gives them a certain charm.\n\nSit down with him.  Show him the bills.  Show him your paycheck.  Tell him you are struggling- which as a single mother I am sure you are.  Ask him for his help.  Then see if he steps up to the plate.\n\nYou don't need to give him any ultimatums.  But in your own mind you might say something like- if he doesn't have a job by the new year- he's out.  Then follow through.  When that time comes remind him of the conversation you had about the bills, of his promises if he made any- and he probably will, and tell him you love him but that you cannot afford another child right now.  You might tell him that if he gets and holds a job for at least 6 months you'll talk to him again.\n\nYou need to think about the example you are setting your children.  If they are girls you don't want them to wind up supporting some guy.  If they are boys you don't want them to think they can find a woman with a big heart and a full wallet.\n\nBe strong.  Be firm.  And tell me how to take my own advice.
257727
Run for the hills, your kids and you deserve betterr than what your man has to offer...lets say one day you make tons of money, do you want your man to leach off you the rest of your life. Your kids deserve the best in this world...life is precious, i commend you for trying so hard to live the American Dream...Ditch the zero and get with a hero!!!\n\nGood Luck, Jo Jo
550859
You are gonna have a hard time until the kids are all older, and his job doesn't help with things...\n\nJust accept that at the moment, stuff isn't going to work properly and deal with that... As for sex, well, you are in trouble there...
300068
Depending on how old you are, you move out.  He's older and he's never going to change.  My father is the same age and is like this.  Our relationship got a lot better after I moved out.  He's very protective and critical of his little girl.  So I grant him that.  I'll give him the respect of listening to the important stuff and asking his advice on important stuff.  But if he busts me on stupid little things, I just say, yeah, yeah, yeah and ignore him.  Pick your battles and don't rise to the bait.  He's probably just trying to show his authority.  If you give him some authority in your life and simply let it roll of your shoulders on the stupid stuff, he'll get the hint and will appreciate the times you do give him control.  He's your father, and it's hard for father's to let their kids grow up.  He will get the hint though.  Eventually, children and parents reach a compromise.  Good luck!
89670
no, i wouldn't. if he makes you uncomfortable then you shouldn't continue being with him. and the biggest problem finding in guys is that they don't truly care about their children, what I mean is that if he doesn't care right-of- the-bat than you need to consider that he may not be the right guy for you, yes I know that a year and a half is a long time but you need to not look in the past but what is ahead in the future, your future and your children's. talk it over with him and if he doesn't listen to you than he is not your man. the bond of a relationship starts with communication. I hope I helped.     Trying to help,                                                            I(Caitlin)