I am going through a divorce right now.  I was married for 5 years and with him for a total of 11 years, since I was 17 years old, now I'm 28.  I left him because I felt like he wasn't communicating with me, he never complimented me, our romantic life was pretty much non exsistant, I just felt unloved.  He said I hurt him so much by leaving, I left while he was away on a trip with friends, and could never trust me again.  He never once tried to get back together with me, so I filed for divorce.  It's just hard, I know I'm better off, we didn't have kids, etc. How long will it take to get over it?  I still have the urge to call him everyday. Certain songs make me cry...
204762
Your grieving. It is normal.  Divorce is a death. The death of a marriage. Like any death it takes time to grieve.  No matter if you wanted the divorce it is the end of a relationship.  When you spend the majority of your life with some it is really hard to stop caring and wanting to talk to them.  You will feel sad and cry. Something will remind you of him.  You have to remember why you felt you had to leave him. It will get better with time.
642982
I am now divorced to my hubby of 3 1/2 years. (We were together 7 years total). He was cheating on me with my cousin. We have been divorced for over a year now, and at least once a day I think of him. A song on the radio will remind me of him, I will pass a chopper and want to call him to tell him about it (we were bikers), or even something funny will happen and I think, "OMG, my ex would get a kick out of this".\n\nSince the divorce I moved out on my own . I am single because I am still not healed from the hurt he and my cousin caused (they are getting married next month supposedly).  He was my first love, and my best friend. He understood me like no one else- I would not even have to say a word and he would know my thoughts- I miss that. It intriques me that he knew me so well and I have yet to find someone like that- He made me laugh, he was spontaneous and made life exciting. I was pretty anal about things and he took that tendency right out of me.\n\nIf I had the chance I would let him say he missed me- I would let him say he made the mistake (hear say thru friends he has said this to them) and then, I would have some closure and I would know he made the mistakes, not me-
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
448599
Yes I thought it would last forever,and that is the very reason it didn't.I am now remarried,have been for 13yrs,and I think my marriage will last forever,the reason I know this is because there have been times when we have hurt each other,and have been very angry with each other,and just plum sick of each other.And there will be times like this in the future.Anyone that thinks this will never happen to their marriage,are being foolish,it will happen to the best of all marriage's.It is the people that think it will never happen to them that cannot accept this dose of reality that end up divorced.Anybody getting married should know this,marriage is never the fantasy people make it out to be.That's just the way it is,so when the minster Say's for better or worse,know that the reality of marriage is just that.For better or worse.If you accept your spouse for better or worse then you can know it will last forever.I don't think anybody can be married for yrs without losing it with each other at times.It's just a choice if you want to stay married thru the good and the bad then you will.
478230
Yes...I was married for 18 years and the last few years felt like this all the time OR didn't want to be at home when he was there.  As hard as it was I realized it was because we had outgrown each other and weren't making each other happy.  We have since separated and are living our own lives.  We are MUCH better off as friends then we were as a married couple.
213513
how does it feel to be heartbroken? Well, it depends on how deeply you tresured something with the person who broke your heart. for me, it felt like HELL. But i got over it after about 1 and 1/2 year. when a broken heart will be healed depends on your own pace. Frankly speaking, i don't believe the guy said. it's too unspecific and invalid. that's like telling who you can be with and you can't be with. if i were in your place, i wouldn't think that he's doing me a great favor. But nevertheless it shows he doesn't like you. Learn to move on.= )
405933
I have been married for 8 months, after being toghether for 4 years. The relationship went worst and worst from the 4-th day of marriage, and now we are waiting for the year to pass, so we could divorce... 0.001% satisfaction... :(
233135
My boyfriend and I are both divorced, and we're both a little marriage shy, so I totally understand your problem.  I want to know why 2 years is such a long time before you get married?  Most marriages are dissolved after a couple years because the people didn't know each other, I hear constantly "Well, we got married and I found out......"  That is not how marriage should be.  If you are going to spend the rest of your life with a person, you should know them in and out beforehand.  I'm a firm beleiver in living together before marriage.  Try that for a year or so, if you guys are still madly in love then you can START talking about marriage.
110694
I don't think there is any easy way to adjust and go through a divorce without some questions, hurt, anger and thinking you are a total failure for not being able to save a marriage. Just pray a lot....Nicole
603765
Ouch.  Sorry to hear.  Age doesn't make your parent's divorce much easier.  Things will be difficult, but try to stay neutral and take it one day at a time.  Give yourself permission to be hurt, disappointed, mad, etc.
460500
it takes awhile, sometimes a few years. (yeah, i know), but honestly would you rather that she stayed with you and lied about how she really felt? \ndon't both of you deserve to be TRULY loved by someone? it took a lot of courage to tell you she was unhappy and leave although right now i know you hate her guts! but it would have been easier to just pretend. and then you would be left loving a woman that didn't love you the way you should be loved.  \n\nit took me a long time to get over my divorce...i loved him, but i hated him at the same time. it suxs! but in time we came to realize that we were better off separated and we are friends now. we have a child together...so i am in constant contact with him. it's been 8yrs...and although some subjects are a bit touchy still....it's not so bad, and i don't hate him anymore. i might still be disappointed in some things...but the hate is gone.\nhang in there...
94621
Did you have any problems in the family that could have triggered his behavior? Usually children will lash out their feelings. I have a 12 yr, 10 yr, and 9 yr. My nine year old was very angry and got in trouble alot when I and his father seperated for divorce, he not only took it out on me and his father he took it out on his friends, teachers, grandparents, but we have since then talked to him and he is doing alot better.
450922
it always feels empty and weird after a major break up. if you keep breaking up and its not even a year yet, you are clearly not suited. you need to break up and be strong, dont turn back. all heart breaks hurt but better now than down the track when you are married with kids. it sounds like it is first love for both of you. you have plenty more time to find a life long partner. someone that doesnt say sorry as much!
181326
"I don't want to divorce him over something this minor. (He would be left alone)"\n\nThis doesn't sound minor to me.  I'm 34 and going thru a divorce right now for similar reasons.  My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and I've never loved another person so strongly and intimately; but I've discovered that I'm not sexually attracted to her.  I tried to tell myself that it was a simple problem, and that it wasn't worth ending the marriage; but over time (and through therapy) I've learned that I was manipulating myself, and her, trying to keep the working parts of our marriage in tact at all cost – and damaging our relationship along the way.\n\nMy opinion: you are not responsible for his feelings, and you are not a bad person if you "leave him alone".  He's an adult, and can only benefit from facing this situation honestly.  How rewarding is this marriage going to be for him (or you) if your relationship isn't completely honest?  \n\nCHEAP ALTERNATIVE TO THERAPY\nTry 12 step meetings.  Not AA, but AlAnon, or better yet, CODA if it's available in your area (Codependents Anonymous).  You'll find yourself in a room full of people who are facing similar problems head-on, supporting one another without any bullsh*t.\n\nHope this isn't too preachy.\n\n:^|
71807
I fully understand your crisis. My EX-HUSBAND of 10 years went into the military and we basically kepted in contact by phone. He would also come home once in a blue moon and finally after completing 5 years in the Air Force, he one day surprised me by appearing at the door step. Our daughter was 5 years old at the time and I had already built a complete seperate lifestyle without him. I was working full-time and a student along with caring for our daughter, home, bills, etc. \n\nUpon his arrival, I felt so claustrophobic and found myself everyday becoming more and more frustrated. Even my boss pulled me aside and told me about the change in behavior. AND I dropped out of college, just couldn't function. Finally, after (1) year living together...I hate to say it..BUT, I left him and went back to what I knew...went to what truly made me happy. Today, he's re-married and very happy with the women who worships the ground he walks on. I don't regret what I did one bit. \n\nI'm not telling you that the easy way out of a situation is to just walk away. BUT, from the sound of things, not only are you not thinking of having a family, but second guessing on living with your husband. Apparently, you are not ready to give up your privacy nor space. A marriage counselor would be suggested in this situation...but at the same time, YOU have to also sit back and soul-search, because only YOU know what your heart desires.\n\nI would suggest that you speak with him and in a hurry, before allowing yourself to be unhappy in this marriage.   Do yourself a favor and break it to him gently. Because as a married women age (35), within a year, you will end up looking (50) from stress, frustration, and unhappiness.
129516
Bless your heart. It will take time after going through verbal abuse. Words hurt deeper than any slap, and the pain lasts far longer. Please seek marriage counselling.
103304
First marriage I knew him several years, then I dated him for about a year, then he proposed. HE cheated 3 months after we were married (maybe sooner) and continued to cheat for 3 years before I gave him the boot...It took a year to get the divorce back then...I would have left him sooner, but my family kept saying things would get better. After he gave me an STD (thank God it was something that could be cured), I divorced him! Stupid that I stayed with him for so long, it was like gambling with my life! I was miserable and I really began to hate him and the sight of him. In the end he beat me up and I made sure it the divorce was as nasty as I could make it.\n\nThen 14 years later I met a nice man on the Internet, I had said I would never get married again. Never say never...we "dated" online for about a year, (this was back in 1995-1996, we had a private chat program called PowWow, and we chatted EVERY night, then talked on the phone to say "goodnight". \n\nHe was in the Northern US, and I was in the South. He proposed online, sent me a picture of the rings and asked me if I would consider moving up North to share his life, and be his wife and partner. I said "Yes".\n\nIn November, we will have been married for 10 years, and aside from some health difficulties, it's been a very good marriage! He's my best friend, and we did not even have to go through a bunch of head games while dating. I was honest with him when we chatted, and I feel that he has always been honest with me. I was on the high side of my 30s and he was about 5 years older than me. \n\nIt really freaked my friends out, when I suddenly dropped out of my usual routines to spend time chatting with my online boyfriend.  All of my friends said that I was crazy, he might be an ax murderer, and all kinds of wild things!  When he came down South, we met, and the very next day we eloped! VERY ROMANTIC, and I remember when I signed the marriage license my hand was shaking and so was his! \n\nWe both took a BIG leap of faith, and I feel like God blessed us! Things could have turned out so differently! I say it depends on the people in the relationship and what they want in life, and what they may have experienced in the past. I met some real nice men between husband #1 and my husband now. I just was not ready to trust my heart to anyone else so completely. Two of them proposed to me, but I eventually broke off the relationships because I had issues with trusting them. A cheating spouse can make a person very suspicious and cause them to sabatage future relationships because they are suspicious. After my experiences, I say, I believe in love. I have learned that there are some good loyal and truthful men in this world, and you never know when you may meet the right man for you!\n\nIf it's worth having, give it time. I would have continued the Internet relationship longer if things had not developed as they did. I think I knew that he was a "keeper", and if he had waited longer to propose, I would have waited for him. Don't ask me how, but I fell in love with a man that I could not even touch! We typed so much that I typed the letters off of two keyboards. :D\n\nGood luck, and may God bless you and your future too!\nruthie~