This guy and girl have been togehter for 2 months they already tell each other that they love each other.  She has 2 children who she does not take care of the father does becasue her car is broken is that responsible?  All they do is party every weekend spend most of there time together. Is he just having fun with her to pass time with or is it serious? He has been separted for only four months.  He said that there is nothing else to do but party.  He used to spend alot of time with his friends and family now he does not talk to them and has new friends from work. Some of his friends do not now what is going on with him.  Is he just confused or is this his new life.  When he got separted all he did was just drink everyday. Still drinks but not as bad.  Was not a heavy drinker before.
214347
People grieve in different ways. They shut down in different ways. Not all people sit home, cry, and listen to "the way we were" . some party and drink to forget. You don't know whats going on inside his mind or heart. I don't think he is in love with this woman, but I do think he is grieving and heart broken. I don't know what went on between you two. I have a feeling you are the ex or want to be the next with him. I don't know want went down as to why him and his wife are split but, it sounds like he needs some post divorce counseling, especially if he is drinking his sorrows away.
474489
Maybe he is proposing a date with her.  I cannot imagine he is ready to jump in and get married without having a relationship first.  Besides, if she is only separated, that means she is still married, and he would be smart to stay out of her life until she is legally divorced.
603711
Well as it stands I see alot of issues on both sides. My answer may have a conflicting opinion but I will try to be honest and as helpful as possible. \n\nFirst, all guys talk with their friends about problems as I am quite sure girls do also. Now the only problem is if your guys friends are responsible adults or just being plain selfish. A true friend will try to give advice thats honest, people you "hang out" with will say whatever they need to to allow the party to keep on rolling.\n\nSecond, this may sting a bit but...guys in general do not pay attention to the same kind of things that girls do. A 4 month anni to a guy is a minor blip in life not worth mentioning in most cases. Obviously it is a larger deal for you and therefore to be attentitive to your needs he should acknowledge this as a semi-special day. Though,  I would not hold my breath.\n\nAs far as drugs and alcohol is concerned your boyfriend really needs to want to quit them on his own...not with your influence starting this urge. If he truly wants to stop then that is fine but if not your setting you both up for some serious pitfalls. I smoke and my wife hates it but we have made mid ground arrangements. I smoke outside and not in the house where it will effect both our space. You may not drink and may not like it but that doesn't mean that he shold feel the same way so long as it is not having a negative impact on his funcionality and responsability as an adult.\n\nIt really depends on how your new boyfriend percieves your relationship with your ex's and that is something that also involves alot of trust. In a 4 month relationship it is hard to tell how how comfortable anyone can be. This is something you really need to discuss with your boyfirend to see how he truly feels.\n\nYou both sound young indeed maybe early to mid 20's. It may just take time and alot of patience on both your parts to come a comfortable mid-way meeting ground. Remember it takes sacrifice, communication, patience and alot of work on both parts to make it work. \n\nKeep yer chin up!
604450
Oh my god girl seems like life has taken a very hard toll on both of you guys. The thing to remeber is that is has taken very long for you to become clean, am I  right, with that being said, every day is a new day, which means you fight harder as each day passes to keep your demons away. I say 3 strikes your out in my book, yes it is very possible for him to be clean and sober, but you know what your daughters have already been thru enough physical and mental abuse they could ever endere and now that your sober and you how this has affected them you have to work extra hard everyday to keep them motivated and guided towards the right direction, you also know that addiction is heredity and it is very likely that they will  grow to use drugs as well. But remeber you have the chance to change that life style for them ax you already have buy getting sober and doing the right thing by them girls, you are to be commened for that, but also try to remeber how hard it has been to let him come back into your life after you have already chosen and begin another  cleaner lifestyle, i mean we all know that people can get drugs in prison and quite frankly if the man has been in prison for the littlest thing i wouldnt want him around my daughters at all and only becuase men get reaped in prison, and some totally rehibailt themselves completly but in your situation he wont ever become clean becusae its his lifestyle, Dont you think that children need not be around that if we can prevent it, well you have had your chance to become sober which you have, you have been the chance to give your girls more in life then most people get, be lucky the state has taken them away from you, and placed them with total strangers, do right by them, no matter how hard it might be, yes there are challenges every day and you are lucky to have beaten the biggest one this far. Why would you even consider letting him back into your CLEAN alife after 3 years, dont you see the pattern this man will always follow, and i know its hard to put those feelings aside and yes the girls do need fathers but after everything they have been through, if your strong enough you will not let him back in youe life as your husband, now id down line he cleans up and i mena really cleans up then i would consider supervised vistation becuase you are different now he will be differnt and the girls are different, do you really want to upset your lifestyle now because you think  you owe him something, are the girls, I would say you have done the right thing thus far and you will conintiue to do the right as long as you keep this man out of your home along with his friends that he will BE back in contact with as soon as he can, I mean if i were you and were given this chance  to become and outstanding mother and to prtotect the children you gave birth to, i woulkdnt allow anhone to take the away ever again becuase next time if there is ever a next time you will not see your girls becuase they will hate for you for the life you have chosen with him, I would file for divorce and be done with him altoghter, yes you have children but there are ways for him to be a dad other than living in your household, and quite franl=kly if he has only sent a few letters to you guys after 3 years who needs that stress wondering and waiting on letters he has already dissapointed you and your gilrs why let all the drama start allover no matter what he says, Do the right thing and let him go for good, and keep wotking everyday to the new begining that you and your girls deserve, you will do the right thing no matter how hard it is, the hardest was admitting you have had a problem and allowinng yourself the treatment to get better you deserve a standing ovation for that, continue to work hard and show the and theach the girlds everyday about the lifestyle that lead you to your sobriety, as they get older you know how us girls can be they will need you to be strong for them, and with him i think you will fiall back
144619
Yes, It does sound as if he is. Ask him if he thinks he is an alcoholic. There's nothing wrong with being an alcoholic, but it can be a very big problem. Especially when stress gets high or serious problems come into our lives.\n\nI am an alcoholic. And it is easy for me to go a few weeks without any drinks. So I don't think your test of, "honey please go without drinking for a few weeks", will work. \nThe worst problem an alcoholic can have ignorance. That's why the first step to recovery is to admit it.\nWhat he should do, after recognizing that he has a problem, is learn to pace himself. Learn to abide by a set limit, but don't throw the limit out after breaking it a time or three. He needs to decide when, when not, where, where not and with whom he drinks. \nThe hardest part of quiting, if that is what he decides to do, is to quit your drinking friends. This is as hard as any lifestyle change and probably the reason most people feel that they can't quit. \n\nThe other problem is you. You put up with his abuse of alcohol. You stay with him. You are not overreacting, you have a life and expectations also. If he isn't meeting those, discuss it with him or leave him. Think of it this way, it's as hard for him to quit drinking as it is for you to quit him. Some times it seems like it could be easy, others not so but only when doing it will you know for sure how much better life can be.\nGood luck.
185050
May I give a freind your e-mail address? He's been drinking for years but keeps saying he wants to quit before he gets too old.\nAs for me I am a little mean to him, I won't buy him beer, I won't be around him if he is drinking and I won't even talk to him on the phone.He trys to make me feel guilty but I tell him if he wants to be around me be sober!\nI won't plead or beg him anymore, but I do pray for him.
110602
Well 28 is a little old to be partyin that hard. I hate guys who are lush's like that. I would not be able to handle my bf going out and getting trashed like that and not remembering..who knows what he's doing while he's drunk without you. I think you should talk to him about it and if that doesn't work you should move on. It's time for him to grow up and be a man.
263845
To a certain exstint it is. Considering that he is moving anyways. She deserve someone to treat her better than she is getting. No woman needs the drama in their lives. But on the other hand how does the ex feel about the situation? Is he ok with it? Is he willing to let her go? If so, then i say girl just be happy, and i wish you the very best of your new relationship.
66460
You are in for it. If he spends lots of time with the baby and its not alone. (at his ex's place without you) THen he's probably doing something with her and you. SO if your not into that, you have a lot of thinking to do. Its better to love and lost and never loved at all. (men in black)
612997
Okay first of all since the break up nothing has changed so I'm assuming that you all are still intimate with one another and you're still arguing like lovers do.  The only thing that's bothering you right now is that you don't have that "TITLE" anymore as lovers which means that he can do what he wants and so can you.  So basically this dude is getting his cake and eating it too served on a silver platter with a platinum fork.  Do not allow him to question your where abouts every time especially if he's doing it in a "boyfriend" way.  I mean at this point he's looking at the situation and saying to himself " Why get back together when breaking up with her is just the same plus I get to mess around and not be faulted for it" Does it makes sense to you now!!! Lay down some rules and set boundaries within your relationship as friends and I guarantee you he'll miss that feeling as being your boyfriend and coming running back, it never fells.
644722
I understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic and it sucks.  I don't know why I let it last as long as it did (5 years).  He took off on a weekend too and I had no idea where he was, but to make matters worse my car was in the driveway but waiting for him to fix it and as for my motorcycle, he purposely took my key so I couldn't go anywheres (lived way out in the country on a dead-end road).  He constantly made promises with the kids (we each had one) and broke them because he was drunk so I had to do the promised things with them by myself.\n\nIf he is indeed changing then give him another chance.  You need to stop thinking about the other guy.  Do not talk to him or see him for the next few months at least.  See how it goes with your bf at home.  You may have to take the kids and leave for awhile.  But don't jump into anything new yet.
10516
I think he must be hanging out with my ex-boyfriend because he did the same thing. Only problem ... I let him get away with it for longer than I'm willing to admit. Girl, I'm sure you are so sweet, smart and better than him. Just move on. I know I should take my own advice at times.. lol. This guy is doing one of two things or two of two things. He's either 1. Terribly immature and doesn't want to appear "whipped" in front of his buddies - AKA "Bro's before Ho's theory...or 2. Cheating and trying to keep you at the same time. AKA- having his cake and eating it, too. Either way, pls dump him,go out this weekend and forget about his immature, childish, sick, evil ass. Boys like him deserve to wake up with nothing but themselves,cheap beer and their dumb buddies drooling on them.
361592
Well, it sounds to me that your heart is already making choices for you and it's your mind that's confused.  This guy has hurt you in the past by his drug use, huh?  Sounds like a loser.  Has he ever heard of rehab?  He needs some serious help NOW.  If you aren't in love anymore why still together? Did you all ever get married or is he a wimp in that department too?  By doing all his partying he is acting like a child.   NO I do not think you should cheat on him & NO do not pursue this crush until and well after you have ended this current mess you are in, if at all.  Do you want to see where this two months of "goodness" goes-- then go ahead. Forgive and forget it.  If you are really gonna try then you first must forgive. You obviously loved him at some point....  Secondly, if you two are going to break up & you really do care at all for this crush guy then you do not want to bring him into this mess.  Wait till things are in a right place.  Then start fresh.  FRESH for both of you!  Starting a relationship on shaky ground will just end in a earthquake.
70019
Why is she putting up with this behavior! Of corse its cheating. And what's this about him hooking up with other women when he gets back.This guy sounds like a selfish pig !And He's doing this while she's back here taking care of his three kids.Honey tell her to get out as soon as possible. He obviously has no respect for Her or their kids , not to mention their life together.Does your friend have self esteem issues ?If she does get her the help she needs. She and her kids deserve so much more DUMP THE LOOSER! Help her get her life back on track Not just for her sake but for her kids .Hope this helps.Tell Her to keep her head up!
26272
well if he's an alcoholic, the best thing you can give him for V-Day is being his friend. I was once addicted to the bottle and I had friends or so I thought. Once I was ready to quit, I realized that they weren't really friends at all, just my drinking buddies. To this day, they don't call me unless they want me to bail them outta jail or what not. Stick with him. It's very hard! But if you sit there through all his horrible stages, he'll appreciate it very much in the end! Without my family and my TRUE REAL friends, I would still be where I was 5 or 6 years ago. Sitting on some jail cell cot and waiting to detox.
524947
If you only get together when you're drinking then it's obviously not a relationship. Think clearly now that you're sober..he doesn't really talk to you, he's drunk and you're having sex with no strings; sounds like he has it good. You normally know when a guy really likes you and it's normally not something you have to figure out. Listen to your inner thoughts. It is what it is; a good time; if you want more than a roll in the hay then stay sober and get out the house; go to dinner, to the movie and if he still is down with you after three days of no sex, then you may just have a shy guy who doesn't know how to move forward; if he stops calling then you know you had a sheep in wolves clothing. Good luck!!!
142274
I am somewhat in this same situation.  I was a drinker when I met my bf and he has since asked me to quit (or only drink when he is around).  He knows I tend to be more "open" or social when I'm under the influence of alcohol and that scares him, and he has every reason to be (i am a heavy drinker and have been known to black out).  I guess it depends on how much she is drinking and how often.  Do you see yourself EVER being able to accept it.  I'm sure you have tried talking to her about this already, hence the fighting.  Please, next time, express your fellings calmly, genuinely, and with love.  If she is 100% defending her actions without even so much as considering your feeling on this, it may be a lost cause.  (From experience, the more defensive she is, the more difficult the situation, there may be more to what she is doing).  If she loves you, she will at least consider what you have to say. \n\nAlso, you may want to re-evaluate your marriage.  I'm no counsler, but I've known from my own relationships that sometimes the spark burns out.  She may just be seeking the "new" that she misses from when you 2 met.  Is rediscovering those "new" feelings with her an option?