My hubby has at times always said in words that he loves me but when I see his actions they prove his words wrong. He has an older sister and brother not married and two old aging dramatic Indian parents. He after 6 yrs of our marriage has suddenly realized his responsibilities towards them and each time a tragedy befalls any of them he vents it out on me by not talking to me properly and not sharing the truth behind anything. In other words what I do not know his entire family knows.I am here still living with him coz I have 2 daughters with him and I am afraid that if I will leave him what will happen to my daughters ??  What if he will not let me take them with me?? I am feeling so helpless as I want him to stop being miserable and stop making me miserable too.
202506
Indian hubbys are real chicken...Give him some hard time...he will back on the negotiation table. But the parents...they are real hardcore...depending on the level of education ....Once in a while put the parents on the spotlight....then try to get 'em hooked up to some guilt trip for any good reason. Share this little secrets with your daughters so that they think it's a game and they don't get affected by this crap. At the same time....on of these days they have to deal with their husbands too!
574174
Go with your own instinct.You  may want to keep the peace by agreeing with your hubby, but if you feel your child is not in a healthy situation with his father's family, then it is your first responsibility to put your child's welfare above your husband's feelings.
86988
If you hadn't said you haven't married for a long I would have probably known. I think you don't "know" your husband yet. I personally don't agree with such kind of behaviours but I think this unusual thing you see stems from somewhere else. This can be a "sign" to you which shows your husband has some sort of psycological problem which should be cured. You can eventually find the root of this if you continue your marrage. Time will show this to you and it cannot be hidden of course if you don't get divorced. Its your decision. If you continue your marrage and live with him you might as well be able to help him. If you just tell him not to do this action and even if he doesn't, you haven't solved anything, you have just covered the problem. But of course don't go up to him and say ' you have psycological problem' he might get upset !
462374
after all you and your family has done for him and he does this sounds like there is no respect for himself or for his family. He is a adult and he knew the consquences before he took his actions and now he must deal with them. There is no such thing as accidently sleeping or being with someone else while you are married. With him abusing you and then cheating on you and you already having one child and one on the way all you can do is make a grown decision and ask yourself do you want to raise your children to see this? I was in a relationship many years ago just like that and really loved my ex husband however 5 years of the physical abuse and the drinking and cheating was enough I finally got out. It does hurt but you have to be strong if he did it once and you take him back ask yourself will you ever be able to let it go and forget it? Will the relationship be the same? will he do it again? will you have to live your life constantly asking yourself is he out there cheating again? Do you want to deal with that? I know it hurts but why put yourself through it again? You may never get over him I know i have been married to my husband now for 13 years and still once in a while think of my ex husband but am very happy with who i got and where i am in life. So only you can make your decisions and have to live with them and only we online can give opinions so from experience my opinion would be you have been seperated for a while and i would suggest stay away and get a divorce I would not want to raise children thinking it was ok to cheat on someone you love or raise your daughter to be tolerant of someone treating her like that so plain and simple ask yourself this if it was your daughter and she was going through this kind of suituation what would you want her to do?? Good Luck and God Bless
6881
It sounds like you do love this man but the old saying is good here.. "If mom isn't happy no one else is"  Yes I will be truly hard to start by yourself but I did it after I left a man that pushed me around and called me names and pretty much just made me feel like a piece of trash.  I have 2 children and I found a man the loves and respects me and my children.  I understand that love is hard to past especially when you have children involed. But you need to be strong. not just for yourself but for the children too. It is hard but you are a woman and just tell yourself when he comes around and tries to get you in his little trap "I am a woman strong and hear me roar" just keep telling your self that when he is around and hopefully you will be strong enough to stay out of the trap. I believe ppl change but at the same time the little pushing he does on you is just the first sign of abuse and with him doing mental abuse too it won't be long before it is so bad to where you are too scared to leave and if you need help there is so many places that have woman there to help you in your problems and I agree with you about counseling I don't see him going. I just feel that staying away from him is the best thing you can do for you and your children. And about him coming to see the children well you can have someone else there with you while he visits with the children he  has come to see them not you and make that clear to him. I think you can be strong and stronger then him if you have someone in your corner with you. Even just a friend or sibbling. Here is a website for you and there you can learn some things good luck and I wish you all the best.
141839
wow, must be that time of the year, and it is hard, especially when you have children, ask yourself will things get better???  and if you can do it, than you go girl, do you have family and friends for support???  then you need to arrange counselling with hubby, to see if you can work it out, or even ask him about that before you go, it will be hard on kids, but don't forget, they will need plenty love and security from you. all the best
97785
It happened to me. My husband and my sister no less.  It ruined my marriage, even after 28 years I haven't forgiven him.  He ended up with a terminal illness- Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years. He passed away in 2004. I felt like I had to stay and help him.  His actions affected my relationship with my older son and my sister...not that she was worth a second chance. But, I did try.  My mother, father, and baby sister didn't talk to me for 15 years- yea, like it was my fault. My brother and I remained estranged until he passed away. All I did was stay with the guy.  Big mistake! My younger son is not really part of the family every one shuns him because he looks like my husband. My sister's daughter ended up being an outcast and tried to commit suicide twice. What should you do?  Move on...make a life for yourself, find someone that respects you and loves you for who you are now... don't wait it will only hurt you! I am 53 back in college and making a life for myself for the first time. I have never been happier. I plan on traveling and staying alive! With as much enthusiasum as possible..If you need to have someone beside you I am sure that there will be that certain someone around the corner.  For myself, I just love being myself. One day maybe I'll meet someone but, for now my happiness and peace of mind it what counts to me.
300075
I'm glad you were able to get that off of your chest, but I'm not really sure what you are seeking here?\n\nSounds like you are in a rock and a hard place and you have tried communication to no avail.\n\nSometimes you have to cut line and move on.  I'd hate for someone to say this to me, I love my hubby very much, but in your shoes, if he were not listening to me or my feelings on the matter, and issuing dictates on how and when I could talk, it would be time to walk.\n\nGood luck with this.  I hope you find peace.
52098
Explain to your husband that you love him but you need your own space away from his family.  Move out and leave room for him in case he follows you.  Give yourself a few weeks of peace and quiet.  \n\nIf you can't afford to move away from them, try to get some counseling for you and your husband.  A counselor will have a better chance of getting through to him and make him understand that you need your privacy and you two should get your own life....Good luck!
210550
I am not happy with anyone other than you. I have learned this over the past couple months, and in some ways, I dont want to leave him because it will hurt, but I do want to be with my family. All 3 of us. I realized that.. you loved me thru and thru, just like you said. I am willing to make it work... I just hope you still are. I know that in relationships, there are good times, and there are bad times. We need to be able to work thru the bad times together... We need better communication.. and all in all, We need eachother.
438188
your husband is the one that needs to put his foot down! tell him what is going on..and that you would NEVER put up with this kind of behavior if it were your own mother/sister. \nyou married him, not his mother...yes she is part of your family but she doesn't and shouldn't have a say in YOUR life together. \nhonestly i would look to move away! * that's what i encouraged my husband to do when we got married. we moved my mother in law to Hawaii! * \nif your hubby won't put his foot down then your going to be the one to say something. it may be hard, but YOUR HIS WIFE! that car you borrowed is YOURS as much as it is your husbands...you need to stand up for yourself.\nbe firm but cordial, and tell her that you understand that she loves her son very very much, but so do you. and you are his wife. \nhe is a grown man, and you two want her to be part of your life, but you don't want her controlling it. tell her that you feel like she doesn't like you, and that your trying your best to be a good wife to her son. but you will NOT let her make you feel guilty about the decisions that you make together as a couple. ask her how she would feel if HER mother in law butted in the way she did? \n\nperhaps talking w/your father in law might help? or a brother in law?
578555
First off, your a married women and he has absolutely NO right in NO way of getting between you and your husband. He should respect you and he should respect your marriage. Why did you marry your husband in the first place? Becuz you loved him! Do not bring your past to your future. Whatever happend, happend. Let it go. Do not hurt your husband and your marriage. And who is he to say that you deserve better? If you felt like you deserved better than you wouldnt marry him in the first place! Dont talk to him, and dont let him change how you feel about your husband. But honesty is very important in a relatioship. Especially a marriage. An old flame is an old flame, theres a reason why you guys are not together, and there was a reason why its an old flame. Your a married women, and he should mind his own life, and not try to tear up a family. Dont talk to him, he will try to steal you away from your husband. Recindle your love and romance with your husband and you will see that your "old Flame" is nothing, compared to your marrriage. Cherish your marriage. Marriage is a very sacred bond, and a lot of people dont understand that. Cherish your marriage and love your husband like there is no tomorrow. And spend more time with him. And if your "old flame" keeps on being in the way, and if he doesnt understand that your married, than you need to tell your husband to beat the s h i t  of him. Becuz if your husband doesnt know, than your ex is gonna think he has a bigger chance of getting you back. But you gotta let him now that your husbad is your life, and you wouldnt change him for NOTHING.\nGOOD LUCK!
673360
That may be his sense of humor.  Something he thinks he is expected to do around "the guys".  There is a stigma around marriage that it should be miserable.  Your hubby may be one of those who wants to fit in so he subscribes to the stereotypes people hold of him and his life.  (I could be wrong)\n\nIn private I would tell him that what he said really bothered you.  Ask him if he really feels that way or if he was just trying to be funny.  Inform (gently not confrontationaly) that it wasn't funny and jokes as such really hurt you, especially around other people.  If he really feels that way it may be time for some marriage counseling.
359079
Holy Cow. I feel like I am reading my life story.  My BIL is the same way. One day he is flirting and then next day he is ice cold.\n\nI understand that emotional relationship. He and I are very close but he is very hard to take seriously.\n\nhe came to stay with us for 3 months before his parents moved here. That was the first mistake. The minute his parent closed on the house he left and treated me and my husband like crap.  He is recently moved in with this girl and nothing like drama to get you thru your life.\n\nOnce the in laws moved down here he told them I was sleeping around with every man in town.  \n\nHe recently told in laws that my husband I have having problems. The only problems we are having is with them.  He is trying to take the spotlight off of him and his drama.\n\nPlease understand I know what you are going through and I am not sure how to tell you to get through but take it day by day and avoid him at all costs.\n\nGood Luck I really know what you are going through and if you need to email me please do at ladybugmac2000@yahoo.com
307506
If you and your hubby are young, like 18 or 19, his parents are still seeing him as a child.  But if he is older his parents need to stop.  I have similar situation.  I am 35 now.  I want to move to another city but can't yet.  I've learned not to tell my parents much about my personal life or my family's doings.  That why they can't meddle and "give advice".  I had to learn to distance myself.  It took about a year before my parents realized that I can live my own live well without but I that I still love them.  I suggest that you forget how they treat his brother, because that's their (the parents) problem.  Just focus on youselves and put a safe distance between yourself, don't talk as often or at least don't give out much personal info that will make them respond in a meddling way.  Good luck!
562771
I can hardly imagine you having 3 kids ages under 5 and your no 4 is on the way..... I admire your capability but it seems your ability to raise them is beyond your control.  The lack of 'freedom' in your husband shows that he is still youthful and wants the best in his world. His responsibility is zero and committment to you is just for the moment of fun. I know that this harsh words maybe hurtful but just want you to wake up and stop pinning high hope to someone who do not deserve your trust and love.... release him and focus on your 4 innocent lives whom you had brought into this world. Remember, they dont deserve the pain but LOVE......
28004
How long can you go without talking or visiting the family members you were raised with?  A day?  A week?  A month?\nPlan a vacation on or near the next big holiday and do not make any plans other than with your husband and kids.  Get out of town might be nice.\nIf you are doing this already and he is still complaining, then he has problems and you need to convince him that perhaps he needs help.