it only happened 1 time and every single day of my life i've been tormented by the memorie of the worst thing that i ever could of done.i love this man with all of my heart,i sincerely do....now he has cheated on me 1 before as well and i gave him a second chance,and from the looks of it im not getting one but i understand.ill never understand how i could of done this to him,myself....its very hard for us to separate because we have been together for so long.since i was 15 and him 21 we have been through alot,its not something were we can say hey get over it and find somebody else,what do you think i deserve??????????????????
200781
Ummmmmm wait a sec - do I have this straight?\n\nHe cheated on you - you forgave him and gave him a 2nd chance?  \n\nYou later cheated and he won't give YOU a 2nd chance?\n\nWell that about says it all if I have that straight.. he doesn't want to give you that 2nd chance because this is HIS way of getting out and 'blaming you for it'.  I bet he has another 'side'.... I'm so sorry, and realize that you have already punished yourself enough, and that you TRIED to be honorable and tell him the truth, and if you could forgive him and he won't you, he's being a JERK!  I'm sorry /comf!
543981
i guess that depends. did he intentionally break your heart? or did your heart got broken because of a situation he had no control over? if he did on purpose (say, he cheated on you), and if he did it twice, it doesn't matter how sorry he is, he's gonna do it again. and you'll be circling the same path over and over again, so then start changing course and don't look back again.
503548
Yes i've cheated on my last boyfriend. Why i did it?\nI was in a long-distance relationship with him, i felt lonely and i needed closeness. I cheated with one of his friends who is now my husband-to-be.\nWe're not proud of it but we learned how to deal with it.\nHow many times? Well, let's just say i cheated until me and my ex finally broke it off. Which was about, i don't know, 3 weeks?!
428567
u will grieve as long as u stay in the past, and blame yourself for it. it didn't just happen overnight, so quickly, it's been in his mind for awhile. yes we will be hurt for sometime, takes time to move on after heartbreak. just something we all must go through in life, it's really a learning process for us, only we can't see it, as were too busy trying to figure out why. sometimes other people's choices in life do break our hearts, and we have no control over what that person chooses to do, we may never know why. but it's how we handle the hurt that is key to our recovery. he just didn't have the self control he should have. personally rather than live with a cheater i would rather deal with the heartbreak now, than again later on. this is who he is, and it really has nothing to do with your self worth. we just have to move forward, and in spite of our hurts, know that pain doesn't leave us where it finds us, that when one door closes another one opens up. often times we put too much trust in people we don't know that well, and we set ourselves up for it.we expect them to be as fair in a relationship as we have been. we don't quite understand how it could happen, well this is who he is and how he thinks.
565451
Gurl once a cheater always a cheater. He disrespected you by cheating on you on, while you saved yourself for him. It's not ok for anyone to cheat on anyone. People do what you let them do to you. If you forgive him for cheating this time it's likely he'll do it again. But since you say you love him I would suggest you both seperate for a while and see if you can't find a better man than him that will treat you like the diamond you are. Good Luck!
90851
You know this happen long ago, and it hasn't change your life to this point. Yes it hurt to find that he had done such a thing to you. But he may have figures out that it was not the answer to what he thought he needed at the time and he figured out he made a major mistake, he may never do anything like that again. I would think he learned his lisson. Now you have to figure out can you forgive him?? If you can't you may want consuling to help sort though this. If you think you would be better off with out him or you can't forgive him, don't torcher each other just go your own ways. I would work by this and go on with your lifes.\nGood luck I hope you can forgive in this case... But truely forgive not to be used as a torcher devise,
124835
ive been through hell in my life too, i was beat and raped and even stabbed, and made to go w/out food, and w/out seeing my family. its not easy to forgive someone sometimes, but for your own sake you have too. all your doing is harboring all those negative feelings. do you want to be a victim all your life? of course you dont. so you need to decide right now that your not gonna be the victim anymore, you are the overcomer,ok? you can do it. you have a wonderful spouse right now and kids. you have so much to be thankful for. why would you want to let your past ruin your future? that doesnt make any sence at all. you dont have to talk to your ex, but just say outloud "i forgive, then say his name" "and im letting it go and giving it all to god, it no longer has any control over my life". and mean it when you say it. say it as much as you need to. remember this, if you live your life like this then you let your ex  win, he's won. he's still controlling you even though your not together. let it go, and let god!!! I did. and im gonna be remarrying this summer to the love of my life and i would never let my past put a damper on my happiness. i dont care about the past anymore, it just doesnt matter.
419839
I have cheated everytime I am with someone. I think its because I haven't found someone who I CANT cheat on! When I do find this person I think that I will NEVER cheat again!!! BUT I will say I have NEVER BEEN CAUGHT!!! So NO ONE HAS been hurt!
25139
Well something like that is hard to let go. Because it keep replaying in your mind. If you are afradi of this happing again more than likely it will happen again. Because I had a ex-fiance that cheated left and right. He also told me that he would never do it again. But he did. Once they do it they contuine to do it. So your best bet would be to move on with your life with out him...
669619
Answering these questions is difficult because there is always more to it, such as how old are you, how many true loves have you had, things like that.  I was 18 and had the most wonderful boyfriend.  We did love eachother, however, as time went along, I realized that his love for me was a lot more than mine for him.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I knew in my heart that if love isn't pretty much equal, it's not fair to the other partner - so I "let him go".  I think of him alot, and I know he's doing well, so I'm happy for him.  As for what your boyfriend said about losing you and killing himself - that is scary.  However, coming from another relationship with a very controling man, they love to say things like that to keep us in our place.  You cannot be responsible for his actions, keep telling yourself that.  Ultimately we're all responsible for what we do and say - no matter how we try to place the blame on someone else for our actions.  Best of luck!  :)
237349
Take a break.....if it happened once it could happen again.  They say once a cheater always a cheater.  What were the circumstances surrounding the "moment" alcohol, stress, anger etc....and will this set it off in the future??  It could just be a never ending spiral.  And at some point if it does happen again, you may feel you need to do the same thing just to get back at him.  He needs to prove himself worthy of you.  And it will always sit in the back of your mind.  First thing you should do is talk about it again and show him how you are feeling, if your reaction was nothing, he may not think it's a big deal!  Good luck....  And remember there is someone out there that is perfect for you, so if you ahve to let this one go, it might be b/c someone better is waiting!! :)
560556
dear lost soul,\nfirst let me tell you i am sorry for what you are going through for i know exactly how you feel for i have not only had that done to me once but twice. once by a guy that i was engaged to and had with for over 3 years. i had moved from another state to be with him and left all my family behind so when we broke up i was stuck in a state where i knew  no one and had 3 children of my own on top of that. so it was hard. the second man i was with was for almost a year and i first found him cheating online with other woman and thought well he never did take it to that other level and gave him another chance but only to my dimay i got smart and put spyware on my computer and found out a year into the relationship that not only was he lying to me and telling me he was working and not...he was actually doing drug runs for an old buddy of his who i forbid him to be around and i found out he was not talking to woman anymore online but had started talking to men and was actually meeting the men. i was devastated. i finally had enough and called my mother and father and they came and got me and the kids . yeah i need help in the begining being a single mom and being on disability but i made it through it. i went through the dating things online and i came through alot of jerks but i vowed this time i was not going out with anyone that would not accept me for who i was and my children always came first no matter what. for 6 months i struggled paying bills and wondering if i would have food on the table and when the lord seen me at my lowest and down on my knees that is when he picked me up and carried me to my angel. that is the man whom i am engaged to today. see i never told you the first part of my story. over 16 years ago i was married once and over 13 years ago i watched in horror as my husband took a 357 magnum to his head and kill himself.  never until now have i ever found love like that and the love i have now is stronger than i ever had with him. even though you hurt now it is only a trial and it is something that god is putting you through to only make you stronger. i have learned that all my 36 years. i was 17 when married and 21 when widowed and raising 2 baby boys. then 5 years later i dealt with a man who abused me so bad he beat while i was pregnant with my 11 year old daughter now. i am a stronger woman than i would have been . good things happen to those that wait .....that is a good motto to live by.  i hope things go well for you and may god bless you
355729
That is soo me, I have the same problem, I have been hurt soooo many times that I can't even count on my hands how many times I have been heart broken. But i seem to go on, and now I really like this boy, and I afraid to ask him because of what his friends will say, so I'm just keeping it in, and its tearing me up inside, and I can't take it anymore. So, I have came to a conclusion that I'm never going to be w/him, and I'm just trying to forget about him, but I will always have that feeling, and that hope that he will realize that he likes me. Well, I say go w/your heart. \n\n                                 Good Luck!!!!!
563678
Welcom to the club. I am still to this day getting over a 5 yr relationship (two years after the fact) So I am speaking from experience.  The Only thing that I can tell you is when people say time heals all wounds it may be true but it will always leave a scar. The worst thing you can do right now is get involved with someone else. Because your ex still has your heart. I know it hurt when you spend so much time with one person and then one day its all over. You all had a bond where you were not just 2 people but 1 soul. Its hard to let that go, you just cant let it consume you. The best thing to do is get to know yourself again. because when you were with your ex you lost yourself in him.\n  If you plan on reuniting with him, you hae to sincerly think about how much you love this man, and is he worth 4giving. We as humans all make mistakes. Men, Our flesh is weak, and even though we may cheat we still love our girlfriend. One thing to remember with men there are 2 types of sex. Sex we just want to have and sex we dont want anyone else to have. The sex we just have is meaningless its just something to do. (Probably how your boyfriend was feeling when he was cheating) and The sex we dont want nobody else to experience is the sex with that special lady in our life. He would have probably killed himself if he cought you in bed with another man, no matter how many times he's cheated. \n  Or maybe he is just crying out for attention by treating you like crap. (Men do act like childreen sometimes) Maybe he dosnt like a recent change you've made. The only way to know is talk to him. (Hint on talking to men: He's not going to be direct, Men are not as vocal with expressing there feelings. Just take what he says and ponder on it for a day or two.)\n\nNow take 2 of deez and call me in the mornin'\n\nOh yeah, Good luck with your choice
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
78538
I honestly started to hate my first love.Now he's just so disrespectful to me.Even though i want to forget i'll always love him.NO i'm not with my first love anymore.YES i will always love him even though if it's only a little.And YES i agrre you never really 101% get over your first love.
639065
How sad .......you lost the very first love you ever had because of someone you trusted ......... someone you had been kind and loyal to. You not only lost your first love, you lost a friend : two deaths.\nI think that it will be hard to resolve your feelings because there is no way to resolve the issue. You can't change the past.. Your relationship was interrupted. In order to heal from this tragic wound, you need to approach it the same way you would a death. You need to go through the stages of grief. There are some good methods outlines at : http://www.elderhope.com/e_class/new_grief/grief_2_2.html\nI am so sorry for your losses. \nI carried the unresolved loss for over thirty years, and then I called my childhood boyfriend (I found his phone number on the internet). I told him what had happened and we talked about it. We talked about our lives and families and things in general. About two weeks after our conversation, I woke up one morning and realized I was no longer thinking about him. I realized how happy I was that we never married. I was thankful my life had taken a different direction.\nI still feel pain about my friend who betrayed me. Her actions caused me to distrust people throughout my life. I wish I had had someone to help me go through the grieving process when I was young. Good luck. There is a different, better ending to your story. One day you will be happy about it because, if your boyfriend had been a purer person, he would not have abandoned you because of gossip.