Nothing, not even time can heal the pain that you feel for your grandfather. But eventually you will learn to supress these feelings, if not sublimate them, that it may become a little easier to handle when those painful thoughts cross if not linger in your mind. You will always love him and you will always long for his presence and your memories you will even dwell upon. But in due time you will find that in many ways you are a stronger person. Not because that you will have managed to get over his passing away, but because you will have come to terms with reality, and will have accepted your life and present situation as it is. \n\nHe is no longer with you, but he has not abandoned you. He is not necessarily even in a helpless position. And by that, what I mean is, if you believe in purgatory, then you must also understand that he must work off any and all of his sins before he may enter heaven. No man or woman unclean has, can, or ever will enter heaven without first undergoing some process of cleansing themselves of their sins. And if that is true, it is likely that he has a task to accomplish, some form of physical pennance perhaps, and difficult task no doubt, that he must get over in order to enter heaven. \n\nMany believe, myself included, that one such task is to offer help and guidance to those need it most. And if he was so close to you it is likely that he should also be assigned as one of your ochestrators. For God does have a plan for all of us, and I believe that he achieves many of them simply by giving those who need it and are qualified for it, the task of insuring that these things will be done. It is likely to me that you are not alone in the world, and that if you pray to him, your grandfather can, and will, help you and guide you with God's grace, of course. \n\nPerhaps, simply by understanding this, it will help you to accomplish a sense of closure, and even in time, move forward a little further in your life.
209804
I lost my daughter and it was the single most devestating thing in my life. She was 13. It has only been alittle over 2 years yet in many ways it still feels like yesterday. Many people think that if they talk about death and dying that it might happen to them. We seem to go about life not thinking about death, until that is it knowcks on your door. I have decided that when it first happens you don't know how to deal with that kind of pain so it's really unbearable and soul ripping. With time you learn to deal with the pain, it will never go away, you just learn to deal with it. I have read a couple of books that are really fantastic one deals with the grieving process, and is called\nGrieving the Pain and the Promise, written by Deanna Edwards published by covenant communications, it is really an eye opener and actually makes alot of sence. I was ready to start taking medicine to deal with my grief when my husband brought the book home for me to read. It made a big difference.\n\nThe second is called THE MESSAGE by Lance Richardson, it is one that I would recommend to anyone who want to feel a connection to those whom they've lost. It is published by American Family Publishers you can order a copy for 12.95 by calling 1-208-522-2975  both of these I have given to other families who have lost a loved one. They are great.\n\nYour concern for this girl is commendable. Never doubt you heart when you want to reach out to someone in need. I agree with the things that you have said. I hope your girl is able to find peace and comfort. It will come, it just takes time.
138724
First, let me say I'm sorry that you went through this tramatic and troubling experience.  My grandfather was a lying, philandering pig, but when he died, my grandmother turned him into a saint.  Your mother appears to be doing the same thing.  You will never be able to understand how she could stand beside that monster who torments the dreams of her babies.  I can't either.  But to her, you are in the wrong.  Seems crazy, but to her you really are the bad guy.  Worry about yourself.  You probably need to talk to someone more professional than us to get your own life straight.  That is my only advise to you.  The first line of the serenity prayer is, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."  You can't change what happened, or your mom or sister.  Try not to be mad at them.  They are doing what they do for a reason, a reason you will probably never be able to understand.  Worry about you and who you are.  To be asking this question of us you realize that you need help.  Talk to a trained perfessional about this.  Good luck Sweetness, you deserve it!
87024
You are using a coping mechanism right now...by reaching out to others. We cannot say the right words to you to make everything all right. You need time to process your loss and allow yourself to greive. Things will never be the same but in time it will get easier. \nAlthough this is hard for you, believe that God had a bigger plan for your relatives. I believe everyone has a plan in life and God decided that it was time for your relatives to come home. However, that is not to say you will never see them again. They will be waiting patiently for you when it is your time. \nHang in there!
228196
I have been thru the same thing,,Remember the good times & hold those memories in your heart forever. Be happy that this person was in your life & remember the love you shared.Spend alot of time with those close to you.What kept me strong was being strong for my mother when my brother parished.Be there for someone that needs you.Its been 4 years,,the shock will never go away. Take care of yourself,,pamper yourself,,get alot of rest but stay active in your daily life.And remember we are all a part of the bigger picture.We will meet those again who have passed on to another level. I care.
327802
I’m really sorry for your loss.\n\nYour experience is very normal, and I’ve heard as much from other people, especially if they had a good steady relationship with the parent who died. My grandfather died recently (he was in his 90's), and my mother is going through the same thing, even though she was prepared for it.\n\nEven deep friendships have the same sort of “resonance.” One author wrote about his best friend dying in an unexpected accident and said that every time he saw a white SUV of the same model as his friend’s sitting in a parking lot or passing him on the road, he had to fight the urge to pull over or turn around and look for him. His head knew that his friend was gone and not coming back, but his heart kept hoping anyway. \n\nThere are so many cues around us that we associate with someone we care about, and even when they are not there, we are still cued to respond.\n\nI know it’s distressful, but unless you are doing some dangerous things because of the feelings or find yourself unable to function on a daily basis, I would just say you’re very normal. \n\nLook at it as a clear indication of how much you loved your father and what a good relationship you two had together: Even though he has died, his presence still seems very real to you. \n\nHe is in a sense “always with you.” \n\nThat’s actually something special -- it's an experience that some people never have with their parents or anyone else. In a way, although you are suffering his loss, you are still very blessed.
46959
Just keep going. Have you ever heard "This to shall pass".  You have to pray and ask God for strength to with stand lifes challenges.  We are here until God take us home and we are here for a reason. God just wants you to stick it out.  It will be okay. You can't do anything about the past and unless you intentionally did something wrong (meaning planned it out), than thats just life. We were not promise that life would be peachy. Challenges, heart aches and pain are apart of life. Take care and GOD BLESS
85950
i'm so sorry about your father...all i can say is: be patient with him , give all the love and care you can give him, talk with your father about everything, spend as much time with him as you can\nas for you...take it one day at a time...dont think of his going away...focus on the things you could do for your father while he is still alive...surrender your grief to the Lord\nGod bless you, friend...
360933
well...i lost my grandma in 2004...it was terrible...so i can kind of relate. i just had to accept the fact that she died and went to a better place...and i still kind of feel like i cant get over it. u will cry every now and then...i do. if this happen like yesterday..or a few days ago then of course u will be sad. dont expect that u will get over it right away...i mean...thats not normal to my opinion. just let it take time! and move on with ur life. would he really want u to cry the rest of ur life? i think he would want u to live ur dreams and hopes till u die. good luck! :-)
12301
Wow, what a tough situation.  I am so sorry for the loss that you are experiencing.\n\nI guess the point of making a last visit is to say your goodbyes and let the loved one know of your love for her and add some comfort you can in any way to the scary process that she's going through, as well as be around to help your other (healthy) relatives.  \n\nIn that sense, it's a good idea to ask your aunt.  My grandmother's cancer seemed to already affect her brain during my last visit with her, but we still had a great visit and it was a time that I won't forget.  You might want to ask her when she would like you to come, or how your presence can be the most helpful to her.  This goes for your other relatives.\n\nTimes like this have a way of stripping off people's fronts and exposing their real needs and desires.  I have a feeling that if you are honest and sincere with them, they will be honest with you, too.\n\nI also think that you can pray and ask God this question.  He knows everything, so He'll definitely be able to guide you as you deal with this difficult time for your family.\n\nMy best wishes to all of you.
313449
Please seek some professional help or help from your church.  My good friend did the same thing when her dad died suddenly.  It's been 10 years and I swear she is stuck in a grieving time warp.  She still cries about it today like she did 10 years ago.  She never sought any kind of help or even medication.  You really need someone who can guide you through the grieving process.
639065
How sad .......you lost the very first love you ever had because of someone you trusted ......... someone you had been kind and loyal to. You not only lost your first love, you lost a friend : two deaths.\nI think that it will be hard to resolve your feelings because there is no way to resolve the issue. You can't change the past.. Your relationship was interrupted. In order to heal from this tragic wound, you need to approach it the same way you would a death. You need to go through the stages of grief. There are some good methods outlines at : http://www.elderhope.com/e_class/new_grief/grief_2_2.html\nI am so sorry for your losses. \nI carried the unresolved loss for over thirty years, and then I called my childhood boyfriend (I found his phone number on the internet). I told him what had happened and we talked about it. We talked about our lives and families and things in general. About two weeks after our conversation, I woke up one morning and realized I was no longer thinking about him. I realized how happy I was that we never married. I was thankful my life had taken a different direction.\nI still feel pain about my friend who betrayed me. Her actions caused me to distrust people throughout my life. I wish I had had someone to help me go through the grieving process when I was young. Good luck. There is a different, better ending to your story. One day you will be happy about it because, if your boyfriend had been a purer person, he would not have abandoned you because of gossip.
323823
good day to you,\n\n I understand what you are facing now. but you have to start first by asking forgiveness to the Lord our God and let him rule your life rather than you rule your own life. everybody had a mistake. but it's up to you to fix it. Try to reach God and feel His love deep into your heart. Talk to Him and it's more easier to overcome your problem by crying out all your pains while praying. His always there beside you and and never leave you all alone. He loved you very much simply because He still let see the brighter color of your life, grab this chance that He gave you. Then one day a big surprise will happen. God already touched your heart so don't let him go again. Pray everyday and let Him lead your life. And if you  do all this things, God will do the rest by healing your family's broken hearted.
99720
Please know that you are in my morning prayers.  I know your pain over your losses seem unbearable, but remember that He is holding you up, and even when you don't feel Him, that is when He is closest!  It took someone else's pain to remind of that this morning and I hope and pray as you grieve your loss that you can keep that thought in your mind.  It was explained to me that we have at least forty thousand thoughts a day, and that if you can keep those thoughts positive, your body and emotion will respond.  What a man thinks in his heart, so is he, right?\n\nMay God help you thru this time, may you keep your eyes toward heaven, may God use your grandchild to bless you for years to come, and may He help you raise her in grace and gratefulness for the opportunity to serve your daughter's memory.  Father, please enable a good report from the Drs to encourage this sister in the Lord thru her trials.  May she see many blessings thru her call for prayer, strentgthen her faith and trust in You as she walks the same path we all must take for your names sake. Amen.
537012
let me start off by saying i am so sorry about your mom. i just lost my uncle to lung cancer and my grandpa to cancer that started in the kidney and ended up all over his body. The best advice that i can give to you is to pray that they will come to their senses and grow up. Your mother is fighting for her life, but when all is said and done and your poor mother is gone they will be the ones that will have to live with the decisions and comments that they made while your mother was still alive. And they will then understand what an impact that their words had on your mother. But from what i read you love your mother very much and she loves you the same. Keep praying for recovery or for her not to suffer any longer than she has to. I watched my grandfather battle and suffer for 7 years with the last 3 in agony with pain. And to know that he knew how much each and everyone of us loved him, he went in peace. I wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you
163393
I understand how you feel I lost my grandmother the same way. We were close and I am sure you were with your grandmother, she just wants to comfort you and let you know she still loves and not to be discouraged because she will all ways be there to watch over you. Don't be afraid it will all be okay.
623580
There is no one who can really answer this question but yourself.\n\nIn time you will come to know that the person you need to support is not your grandfather but the rest of the family.\n\nIf you decide to make an appearance then do it with your other family and be there to help them instead of only thinking about your feeling.\n\nThis is your dad's dad so your dad would be upset if you were not around is my guess so there is the answer.
128988
I'm sorry for your loss.\n\nMy father died unexpectedly when I was 27. \n\nI don't remember much of the first year without my dad, other than some pretty messed-up holidays.  This is a protection mechanism. The first year is the most dreadful, because of holidays, birthdays and the awkwardness of figuring out how to celebrate something supposedly happy with the air of absence and sorrow hanging over it.\n\nWhen people initially told me in a few years it would be better, I was furious with them. I didn't want it to get better and I didn't want believe it would--a part of me felt that I would be a bad daughter if I stopped grieving. As I started healing and felt less pain...TI worried if I was grieving too little. And I thought maybe I had grieved too much, as well! Very confusing. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.\n\nBut this wasn't the case. I was grieving just right for me. And after a few years, it was still sad but not heartwrenchingly so and it kept getting a little better with each passing month. I realized that I wasn't a bad daughter. I realized that I was healing and getting on with my life and that by going on, I was, in my own way, honoring my dad. My father has been deceased for seven years now, and there are still times when it's painful, but it's not crippling or scary any more. And I remember much more of our happy times, too.\n\nPeople grieve at different rates and I feel it is wrong to try to put a timeline on healing. Our society is very timeline-based, even if those timelines don't properly apply to messy, organic processes like recovering from the loss of a loved one.\n\nIf however, you find that your grieving is truly interfering with your family, work and social life after year, you probably need some help working through your sorrow. Books, videos, chaplains or ministers or therapists are all very helpful in situations such as yours.