Our relationship was very new when I left last july. Thats why I think maybe I expected too much out of her and things would turn out better after I got home and we could have a "normal" relationship. She says she doesnt know what she wants yet but continues to say how important to her it is we stay friends at least for now and how she really messed things up. Is she sincere or is she just doing this to make herself feel better? I tried to show her I didnt forget about her by sending flowers and letters as much as I could but obviously that didnt work. How can a nice guy like me find someone who I can really trust?
199786
First of all Thank you for serving our country! If you want to save this relationship you will have to work on the trust issue. But I would be concerned about her cheating again. Follow your heart.
346760
I have reservations when you say you have "feelings" for this lady? I wonder are these feeling recipricated? Are you getting clear signs that she has feelings for you or are these feelings of yours entirely related to unmet needs of your own? This situation can go one of three ways.....\n(a) If she has feeling for you and is consciously sending out these signals then the relationship may develop into something more.\n(b) If these feeling you have are a result of unmet needs of your own then it is a very dangerous situation and your friendship may be doomed (should you try to take things further).\n(c) If (a) is the case then the relationship may develop but I doubt it will be a sincere and lasting parnership. Why? Because she has only recently committed to a life with someone else. If she is willing to sacrifice that relationship already then she is either selfish or very immature (probably both).\nSorry, just my thoughts.\nMichael
576306
"It didn't go over well", huh ?  You mean that SHE broke up with you and you dabbled around with someone else, then you two got back together and she is ticked off ?  if that's what you are saying, then she is merely not in control of the Green-Eyed Monster.  You see, what she meant by breaking up with you was "See ?  See how much you will miss me ?  See how empty your life is without me ?" ....she didn't mean that you two were really "broken up" - it was just a test for you to see how important SHE was to you and when you went on to someone else,  - WELL - that wasn't exactly in her plans.  And she is hurt and she is angry.\n\nWell, you are not responsible for either emotion that she is feeling, although it would not hurt if you understood them.  She did this to herself.  You can empathize that she feels bad that you were able to so quickly "replace" her (because that is what she feels....and, to tell the truth....that is what happend.)  We human beings don't like to think that we are easily replaceable.  But, indeed, we are.  (Ah yes, for all our talk about "soulmates" the truth of the matter is that many people can be our "soulmate" and that means it is not quite so much destiny as timing.)  She may well have expected you to pine away after her and when you did not, she is angry.\n\nLife is all about growing up - all the way until we die.  You both have gone through an episode that should have taught you both some lessons - different lessons than the other could have learned.  Now you are back together and going forward, hopefully not backward.  (She is looking backward, by the way.)\n\nAnd, as a side note, this idea of full disclosure - telling new girlfriends or boyfriends about your past - not a good idea.  Not particularly respectful of the people in the relationships in your past.  The same holds true for interim relationships - you weren't "with" your current girlfriend during the time you were broken up, you should not share details about whatever you did in your interim relationship.  It is not her business and it is disrespectful to the other girl.  (None of this "oh, if you loved me you would share with me" - see what it got you ?  She's pissed.)\n\nAnd no, it wasn't cheating.
403324
I think you should let her think about who she really wants. if she wants the ex who is an asshole then let her. Let her miss out on your good quality and you can find someone else that wants to be in a relationship. Don't still around with someone who is going to make a decision that is half hearted a girl like that is just pulling your stings. It seems like that two months was nothing to her. i think she already knew that she loved her ex and the she wanted someone to just keep her mind off of him.
510618
I don't think it's a case of her swallowing her pride, if you were the one who wanted to play the field. She's being cautious. If it were me I'd probably do the same thing. Actions speak louder than words. If she were eager to jump back into a relationship with you, she'd be there. I'd go on with my life if I were you. Going through "everything" together does form a bond, but that isn't a basis for a lasting romantic relationship. If it's meant to be you WILL end up together. If it happens, forget the past and start fresh. Good luck to you both!
103312
damn this sucks pretty bad . well as you said you never made her any  promises so yes you should move along .since this is going to be painful for her regardless just be really honest with her and tell her why your leaving ...exactly why ...women have a tendency to try and pick things apart too much ...if shes in some sort of denial shes gonna have a hard time understanding why your leaving her  , as long as your really clear she wont have to judge herself too  hard and wonder what she did wrong . and by all means dont let hurting her stand in the way of you being happy ...but no i dont think you necessarily think you shouldve left earlier sometimes we like to hang on too long thinking that magically things are going to falll in place but it rarely happens that way damn im blabbing hahah sorry
234188
seems like you never let yourself move on...is she willing to move with you? does she want to begin a relationship? you need to speak with her and see where her head is at and make sure you both want to make this work
543960
Well she may be moving on she already stated she don't want a long distance relationship, and know that you have a "girlfriend" she may be trying to find her own that pause mean she has been dating but nothing serious.  But you opened up the possibility she can find someone too. You guys are good friends but I think the time isn't right for the both of you.  Not to say if you visit her she want come see you or vice versa, but i don't know what's going on in HER mind she would have to tell you that and just ask ! Email her and ask her for her honest opinion if you want more from her then you both can come to an agreement of what this relationship is truly going to be just friends or lovers!!!
440143
You should be honest just like you are in your letter.  You are absolutely right in the fact the she will be hurt but it is in the way that the break up is done that determines on a certain level the impact that it could leave for her future.  First of all do not kiss her or show romantic feelings before breaking up because it only confuses the person.  Eventhough your intentions would be to make her feel better you can not take care of the person since you need to distant yourself.  Be gentle, be caring but with your words and your face but after it is done be respectful and dont give her false impressions or false hope.  Last but not least try to stay away from situations where you could come face to face with her so that she does not feel like you are partying and celebrating your new found freedom.  Go through a period of mourning yourself that way everybody will have time to heal from a separation.  You seem like a good guy so I am sure that you will do the right thing, just be nice and try to understand what she is going through she is being dumped and no one likes but also no one dies from it and it can be a growing experience for everyone if it is well done.  Good luck my friend and continue having a kind heart because its nice to know that even the dumper can feel alot of pain
649368
I hope she is not! That would be rude and really stupid. Maybe she is just using you. Ask her if she was serious. After 7 months, it's called a relationship. A strong one!
322148
i dont think she is ready to make a committment to you right now. unless you just want to be friends,you need to move on and meet someone else who you can have a deeper relationship with.
241870
Ever heard the words..."nice guys finish last"...well its true, treat her like shit, ignore her and see how long it takes for her to come back. Girls like a little competition and some challenge in a relationship...trust me I have been there. If all else fails, kick her to the curb and find another girl that is worth your adoration. Good luck.
516927
She's not being honest with you.  If she really thought you two had something SO special that would lead to you "being together for a long time" why would she want to waste another minute with anyone else?  \n\nThink about it:  If you met the woman of your dreams who blew your mind away, would you really ask them to just "hold on a second" while you continued to mess around with others?  HELL NO.  You'd want the rest of your lives together to begin right now.\n\nI know this sucks to hear because you guys obviously have something special.  But something inside is telling her there's someone better out there and she wants to continue searching to see if she can find it.  If she doesn't, she'll come back to you.  Now you have to ask yourself, do you really want to be her fall back plan?  Because the minute she does meet that #1 out there, you'll be left broken hearted.\n\nSorry to break this news.  Cut loose.  No contact.  Get her out of your system.  When you meet someone else who you can fall in love with, you might be able to try being friends again...
117812
well i guess maybe she was trying to be honest. but it sounds like she is actually trying to hurt u. she should've just said she wanted to break up or at least have an open relashonship and date other people. but she is entertaining the thought of her being involved with another man - regardless of ur feelings. and she told you in a way that is going to have u going thru the rest of ur relashonship feeling unsure and uncertain. and u cant go on like that. she doesnt really love u because if she did then u wouldn't be going thru "this" in the 1st place. she "might care" for u. but something isn't right with this. it's almost like she is trying to make u jealous of this mystery man. and she's enjoying it. and she's only being half honest with u by telling u about him but by not telling u who he is. u might just wanna go ahead and end things with her - let her have this mystery man she that wants to be with so much. and u find someone who will love u and respect u and be honest with u. because u deserve better than this girl.
558449
Hope this works out for you. its probably a bit raw at the moment. could this possibly not be the first time this has happened, as im sure she is trying to tell you something and get a reactionary response. she wants you to want her and fight for her not just give up. im thinking that she wants you to commit after 8 years. she doesnt want to ask you to make it a more secure relationship possibly not long distance. she wants you to come up with that idea and put it to her. so she can feel loved and needed. thats what im thinking and im a chick and sometimes we can be a bit weird like that. so give it a go when things calm down have a honest talk with her and ask her what she really wants or doesnt want from you and decide what you are ready to give. if you arent ready to give everything - why have a relationship anyway. take care and give it some time.
325224
Sounds like you are over-compromising and not being yourself. If you always do what she wants, how can she do what you want and why would she?! A relationship should be give and take but if someone can get away with making no effort etc, then they are going to. Start suggesting what you want to do, don;t always agree with everything she says. It might also make you a bit more exciting to her again. That is not about being raised right - you can still be polite etc but just about being yourself not a doormat.
378668
I know where this girl is coming from. I think she is pushing you to see if you will take off at the first sight of trouble. Thats what I do. It's a way for her to protect herself from jerks. It's not fair to you but it sounds like she's been hurt before. Go to her and talk to her face to face, not on the phone. Tell her that she is pushing you away and that is why you are pushing back. Ask her flat out if she wants this relationship to continue. If she does then you have to make a personal decision, can you stick around through the ups and downs? If so then tell her you will wait it out. Let her get comfortable with you and trust you. If she pushes too much and you no longer feel wanted at all then tell her that, let her know that it can't continue, and that you need more than that.