I have been married twenty-five years. Never easy! Is my wife insensitive or just mad to mention divorce at a time when I am grieving for my dear mother? Would I be mad to stay with her after that?
206160
Well, obviously it is not a new idea to her, and it may be that your moodiness is exactly the problem that has made her think about it.  Honestly, you don't want to try to hold onto her if she wants to go, and you can always find someone new.  \n\nAs long as you have been married, you should have a little trouble getting use to dating again, but once you do you won't be sorry to be on your own.  \n\nThere are lots of single women out there to enjoy, so do it.  Let her go.  She has voiced it, and it is pretty much inevitable I think.\n\nYou could try counseling, if you want to save it, But you must do something.  Don't expect it to just go away.  Don't blame her for the timing.  Realize that this is something that has been building for some time.
653407
If your wife left you already, what are you waiting for? Don't miss out on what could be for what isn't. You don't have to tell your wife nothing about this lady you're interested in. You stated she left you. You can file divorce probably without grounds since you've been separated already. If you must tell your wife anything at this point in time, it could just simply be, we need to move on. Don't let life pass you by on this one.
125915
Seriously, dear, I want to first apoligize because no one should ever have to go through such a turmoil. And for being the most important day of your life, I would have been appalled. It is one of those situations where one day you might back at it and laugh, and but for the mean time me per say I would say that you should be the "bigger adult" and live on your life with your new hubby, within 10-15 years you can re-new your vows and have something even greater. As far as forgiving her I seriously would say no, and on the same note not even give her the time of day. I would more else let the time pass on until you are ready to talk to her, not on her turf, but yours. I wish you all the best of luck, and I know eventhough that you didn't get a chance to have your wedding video taped,just know that the people who were there, and you ended up being with person of love, those memories will last a lifetime!
441120
I am unsure. sound weird ,   well....  To be brief conflict with my mother arose without warning  shes 79  i am 36.  We never get made like get the hell out, except when I was 13 and thouight I was 30.  I felt bad because her mind is slipping and I am helping her recover from heart surgery this time last year. We grumble and laugh and tease like kids almost reverse roles now.  bottom line .  I cracked left,   all of the family 2 bros 1 sister 3neices 2 nepnews and mom all called and called until i came back.  She asked me to leave.   When I arrived it was as though nothing had happened, except for me I felt so ashamed for breaking.  Its a long story about a great family I wouldnt trade for ANYTHING, so without heartache you will never know joy.  Thats the saying..... well    it is true  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2007 only positive thoughts............ peace be with everyone
646401
Do you remember your wedding vows in sickness and in health? You know if my spouse wasnt taking care of me and showing the love and support I needed I might just pack my things and say ADIOS! I mean given you need help if your mother is there to help you then take what you can get. If she isnt being a wife or partner at all then what is the marriage about? Sounds like a house full of misery to me. Thats the last thing you need you need some love and support regardless of the mistakes youve made. If she cant trust you or get over the things that happened maybe you guys should get some help with your marriage. Otherwise if she cant get over it, I think she isnt going to change how she feels and maybe the marriage is over. I think if I was sick with cancer Id want positive things in my life and if someone is dragging me down Id either talk to them about it and work it out or like I said if that doesnt work and youve exhausted other options, stay with your mom. You need positive reinforcement right now to help you get through. Good luck.
209962
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
490448
Can i answer yes to all of the above? \n\nThe reasons why i considered divorcing my husband stemmed from alot of  issues that werent cleared up through communication, the things that came after that - were like a chain reaction....but i will start at the beginning.\nMy husband and i met for the second time, about 6 years ago, (having already met him before about 10years ago.)\ninitially things went well, we had fun, went out, visited friends, generally just did things that couples do.....\n\nAbout three years ago, he and his friends were unfairly dismissed from a job they all worked at, and decided upon opening a company of their own....originally this meant long hours, but eased of after about a year, which i completely understood, i knew he had to work so that we could have the things we wanted, we also decided to get married around this time also...which meant i was also very busy, (due to the fact that i also ran a full time business myself), so aside from us both working full time, there were wedding plans to see to as well. \n\nAround the time we decided to get married, was when the problems started, he was staying later and later at work, i my calls when i asked him to come home, (mind you this is at 10.30 at night), and just generally stopped telling me anything......\n\nWe were fighting all the time, because i felt i was being kept in the dark about things, he was constantly berating me and putting me down, because things werent being done around our home(we both worked 6 days a week at this time), he was refusing to listen to me, and i never heard about what kind of day he had although i asked quite often, all in all it was a major lack of communication on his part, he was getting feedback from me about my daily life, but i was geting nothing in return.....I put up with alot from him for a long time.....hoping things would improve......\n\nTwo years ago we got married, even though i was well aware there were still issues, we did it anyway, hoping some commitment might change things....it did for a while......soon we were back to the same old issue where he just wasnt communicating.\n\nOne day about a year and a half ago, he came home early telling me he had a headache, and went straight to bed, i left him alone, for about an hour, after a while i went to check on him, and found he was crying like a baby balled up on our bed....very confused and bewildered i went to him to find out what was happening.....which is where i found that there had been hassles at work (which had been going on for sometime, but nobody knew, as he wouldnt speak to anyone about it.) , he told me that one of his closest friends was going to be getting the sack (fired), and as he was CEO of the company didnt know how to tell them.......At this point i sat him down and said to him, you need to tell *David*, what is happening so that he can be prepared.....\n\nAs it goes *David* got fired, and as he was pre warned, moved into another position straight away, with his own business, through financial backing from my husband and myself, on the premise that my husband would also leave and join him as soon as he could.......\n\nThis was just over a year ago....*David's* business is now flourishing, doing much better than my husband or his other co- workers ever thought he could......Initially i was spending the occasional day there helping out when i could so that things werent so hectic for *David*, in that time, he and i have become very close, close to the point where his girlfriend has accused us of having an affair....(it hasnt happened....) because we enjoyed each others company so much, and the fact that we felt that we were the only ones being honest with anyone.....In this time i have found myself to be deeply in love with *David*, and its not because we have planned it, or that we wanted to hurt anyone, it has just happened, out of respect for  my husband and *David* and his girlfriend, there is no way that i could over step the boundaries
244405
I am a doctor and while having wild trouble with my wife, I decided to never be with here again.  I have 2 kids. A few months later, 4 to be exact, I started living with one of my patients, who is 40, and had a wild drive for me since 2 years ago. While being my patient nothing happened, but we started talking after I left my wife, never to return I thought. I lived with this woman for over a year, and that was the happiest time of my life. Nevertheless, my kids were having very serious trouble, and even though I did not wish to see my wife again, I decided to return to my kids and get them out of trouble. I will never stop loving my patient, she was the sweetest girl I've never known, but I cannot live happily with her while my kids are going down hill. I may be damned, but I need my kids to be OK for me to be happy, and they demand my presence. I could never feel happy while being with the woman I love while my kids are going through trouble. You being a virgin is not an issue to me, it should not be an issue to you, it should not be an issue for anybody loving you. What worries me is to find you left aside because this guy is married. I am not saying it is right or wrong, I am saying I doubt he will feel absolutely and sincerely happy with you while thinking about his kids. Been there, done that, don't go there, yo don't want to go there. You'll be happy for a while, and then you will know hell. Excuse my honesty, but I do not wish any human being to go through my experience. Hence I have the need to speak about it. And only anonimously. Take my word: you don't want this.\nPD: I am aged 46.
541142
I sincerely hope you aren't confusing toughness for indifference.  I was married to someone who didn't express his feelings.  We did stay together for six years, but knowing how I felt and how similar it is to what you are going through, I hope you aren't in store for a world of hurt.\n\nPlease talk to him openly and let him know your concerns.  You should definitely do this sooner than later - when it would hurt even more if it isn't what you want to hear.  \n\nI wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.  Just remember that sometimes when we look back it's the unanswered prayers that we are grateful for...
63993
"Desperation is a stinky cologne"... I was desperate about 3 years ago.  It was the ugliest thing you ever saw.  Divorce is always ugly... but let me tell you that if a woman has made up her mind about a divorce... its made up.  To make it worse, she decided a long time before she actually told you so it's set in her mind and it won't be undone.  My ex told me we wouldn't be getting divorced if had done this or hadn't done that and the more I worked on those things... the angrier she became.  Why, because she made up her mind a long time ago and and she doesn't want you screwing up her justifications.  Let her go do what ever she is going to do and you just work on getting back to God... because that could be all that saves you from doing "something very stupid"... I can hear it in your voice.  I could go on, but I really just want to answer the question you posed "what to do when my wife loves another and kicks me out but i still love her?"... You have to pray for God to show you what he wants you to get out of this and to pray for her and the well being of your children.  Don't worry about her love right now... just God's and you will be in a much better place a year or so from now.
652447
The idiots always tend to answer first.  \n\nLife WILL get better.  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife.  Speaking from some experience, I am "seeing" a widower who was married to his wife for 20-something years.  I did not know him or her when they were married and it will be one year this month since she passed away and he has two teenage children.\n\nIt will be hard and it will probably get harder for you as holidays come and go but you have to hang in there.  You should be so thankful that you met the love of your life, many of us never get that chance.  My guy never thought he would be with another woman, never wanted to.  It is still difficult for him at times and I have difficulty dealing with it at times too.  He pulls away from me to deal with it and I kind of freak out (read my posted questions).  He tells me that it is kind of hard for him to believe that his marriage is over and he sometimes feels like he is cheating.  Give it time.  Time is the only thing that will heal your pain.  Hang in there and live life for that baby of yours, she needs you to be happy.  If you need to talk, feel free to contact me - I kind of understand.
605667
First of all, I'm very sorry about your husband. Maybe this response will cheer you up.\n\nDivorce for men is horrible! It's a lot of work and you are expected to give up half your income! YIKES! That's why you hear about missing wives. "I don't know where my wife is, officer. Please don't check the trunk of my car!" And then there's all kinds of meetings, lawyers, paperwork, arguments, blame, stressful decisions about property and kids. It's just a big mess leaving you to ask yourself why the heck did you get married in the first place?\n\nAs for death, well, sadly, whenever someone does, you feel terrible. It's a horrible experience, especially if its a happy marriage. It's like a big part of your life and your heart is gone. It's a pain beyond pain. But in all seriousness, a healthy person can recover from this situation and continue to live a happy life. Life goes on after death, and the departed spouse probably leaves you with a good chunk of change to look after you when they're gone. \n\nIn conclusion, although the emotional pain is far greater with a death, the stress and frustration that can come with a divorce, especially a rotten one, will have you wishing your former partner would have just died! In other words, I'm with your sister. God, I probably sound extremely insensitive!
367960
You ask "how do I know WHEN to call it quits"  as if you assume it's inevitable.  Instead ask, "What do I need to do to work this out before it gets worse?"  The same way you would with a sibling or another family member.  You want it to work because they are your family, and you should view your husband the same way.  With a few rare exceptions, divorce shouldn't even be a consideration.  I don't hear anything in what you've said to indicate yours is one of those rare exceptions.
640155
You have to now figure out if this is good for you.  She apparently doesn't know what she wants.  Either she's fearful of the life that could include being with the same person until death, or she can't handle being faithful.  She's hurting you, but does she realize it?  Have you ever just sat down with her to figure out what the deal is?  I'm sorry to say that I think a divorce would be the best thing.  She obviously has some issues, and no one can get through to her.
624731
None of the above ... I'm in the twilight zone of not divorced , not married seperateness that does not go away... cause when neither cares to remarry and yet you are still friends , why divorce?
228585
ABSOLUTELY!!\nMy husband and I have just celebrated our 27th anniversary married and 28th together. The love we have today is much more than what we had on our wedding day. Our relationship is stronger and deeper than ever because of the 28 years we have been through together. You always hear the saying "through all the ups and downs", well it is so true. There were so many times during the first 5 years that I could have said "see ya". But I didn't. We had our first after we'd been married two years, he lost his job shortly after she was born and jobs were real hard to find so we had no money. We had to rely on family and other means to survive. But we did. I had faith in him and I had my Faith in God that we would get through. \nThere were many other financial hardships through the years that should have torn us apart and would have torn other couples apart, but we refused to let that happened becaused we loved each other and had faith in our marriage. We worked together. There was one time around our 17th year that we separated for awhile but I am too bullheaded to let him throw all that time away. So with some fight and work we saw what we needed to do and what we had done. We took each other for granted.\nOur marriage today is stronger, more passionate and devoted than ever. We have a greater understanding of what each other needs--time for each other and for ourselves. Be there for each other but know when to step back and stand beside each other for each other against all others no matter what.\nHe is my heart and soul. He is in law enforcement and I send him out every night with a kiss, a hug and I love you. The rest is in God's hand. I know there is always a chance that he may not come home or he may get seriously hurt. I take that chance because I love him that much. I can honestly tell you this much. If for some reason I would lose him to his job or by nature, he will be it for me. There will be no other in my life. That is how deep he is in my life.\nSo yes, there is long-lasting relationships and deep abiding love. It takes two to make them and lots of hard work every day. But the rewards are worth every minute of the life you will have together.\nI hope this helps
441767
yes very happy through both good and bad times, there is no one i would rather come home to or spend time with. we have been married for eight years and it just gets better everyday. the primary reason is that she understands/forgives my hobbies and interests and i understand hers. give and take and flexability on both sides make it much easier. the first year was just getting used to each others habits, and the more rigid (i will not/your fault/my way) additudes just scew it up. and forgive and forget. no grudges.