My mom has some problems from her childhood, and let's just say she's passing the pain on to her kids. My brother and I have been going to the same church for years. After things got tense between my mom and brother she grounded him from church, so he moved in with my dad. Now she's really hurt, and she called me up one day while I was at churcha and told me I can't go there any more. She said she didn't like the youth pastor or his wife and that they were tearing apart our family. What she doesn't realize, is that she's tearing apart her family.
218015
how sad.  First of all let me say that your family is now in my prayers.  Second of all, your age could help me answer you better.  Its obvious that you love Church, but I bet you love God more.  For right now, why not just study privatly until your mom cools down some.  After she has calmed down, sit down and talk to her, tell her how much you love her, and how much she means to you.  Explain to her that God is very important to you ,and while you wont force her to go to Church, you want to go yourself.  Tell her that nothing will change the love you have for her.  explain to her that while it would hurt her if someone took you away from her, it hurts you when you are took away from worshiping God.  \nThe faith that you have in God will sustain you, have faith in your mom that she will come around.  Remember the words that come out of our mouths have the power to either curse us, of bless us.  Keep saying mom will let me go back to Church.  Mom will change her outlook on God and religion.  \nGod Bless you, I will pray that mom comes around and all works out for the will of God.
344943
man o man i agree with you. I mean im almost 15 and i agree that your mom shouldn't get in trouble. I have an abusive brother and they told my mom and dad that they were only aloud to restrain him, but it sounds like its only your mom doing it and its even hard for just my dad to restrain my bro so i couldnt really see how your mom could do that to your sis. and people who dress gothic and crap just look like fricken retards. they need to get over themselves and get a fricken life! they wonder why nobody likes them and its b./c of all that nasty crap they put on themselves. i know its a way to express yourself but come on find a different way to do it!!!!! also there has been many time that my bro has tried to kill my mom and i think yall should try getting her tested for ADHD and also maybe get her a councilor
421737
lol thank you heather for all of your concern!! hahaha that is me your talkin about!! but i look at it this way, God doesn't want us to be together and that was a way to get us apart...and plus there are other guys out there and that his parents will adore me! lol!! but ohh well his mom was a boitch any way..
136499
Well, I'm not one of those Christians, so I can't really speak for them. If you have sensed that they fear you, I don't get it. I do know some Christians that feel they should disassociate themselves with non-Christians just because they don't have anything in common if they don't even believe in the same God. Also, many families want their kids to be close to other Christians because being around people who believe differently can open up issues that they feel would not come up if they only hang out with Christians. However, only hanging out with kids who go to church won't necessarily keep your kids from sin. Where do you think I learned all of my dirty jokes? (Christian School!) I think, though, that we need to accept those who feel they should be separate....as long as they are the ones to leave the public area instead of them trying to keep others who are different out. Did that make any sense?
507260
Please go to your church, even if you are not a member and talk to the pastor, priest whatever.\nYou need some spiritual guidance and you need to have your bruised soul and spirit healed. \nI think if you hang around with someone with a questionable past, you can get drawn down into his stuff... You are better off without a boyfriend at this point in your life.\nIf your mother wants you gone, I wonder what happened to bring her to this point. Mothers defend their children to the death in most cases. What has happened?????\nIf you are at a  point of trying suicide, it tells me you are looking for attention and recognition that you are not getting . There is a sibling rivalry between you and your sister... that is a total other thing that needs to be worked on.\nMY concern would be to get my mental health back to normal. You need help from people who will ask nothing of you other than your faith. It doesn't cost anything to reach out ,even if you are not a religious person, it doesn't matter. Your life is far too important to throw away and so are you. Whether you or your mom get along is not the problem at hand.\nIf she wants you out, you need to go to social assistance and get a place for you to stay..If you are under 16 you are a minor, perhaps a foster family could take you or an aunt. Someone who is strong, and can handle what is going on with you in your life and someone who won't take any guff from you.... You need love and support and you need to get real. Step up and begin your transformation, there is so much for you to do in your life, take hold and take the first step by getting help.....Poetry is a wonderful way to express your feelings, but in this case you need a good person to talk to ....
385748
When I read this for a minute I was trying to think if one of my friends was asking the question. Lol. This is my mom! I have two kids, and she has only watched them a handful of times, and that is when I ask, like I have a doctors appt. ect. This was EXTREMELY hurtful when I had kids, because she too spends more time with her nieces, which are older. Anyway, I finally talked with her about it and she just explained that younger kids aren't her strong point. When they get older they are easier to care for and won't make one so flustered about getting into things. I've just learned to deal with it. I would advise you're friend to talk to her mom about it, I wrote a long three page letter, that wasn't rude, it was humble and got alot of things out in the open, that was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. But in the long run, things have been SO much smoother between us now. And she understands that it would be helpful for me to get out sometimes with my husband. Anyway, hope this helps. Remember she can't be defensive and rude about it, her mom is not obligated to watch them. But I've been there and done that. Good Luck!
383715
Wow, I'm so sorry about your brother.\n\nI don't think that she thinks that at all.  She loves you for who and what you are: YOU.  Displacing your feelings of grief and pain onto her by putting feelings that she most assuredly isn't feeling onto her isn't really fair.  \n\nMy opinion: See a bereavement counselor.  After my mom was killed in 97, I went to one for about 6 months, and I'll tell you it helped so much.  If you call your local hospital, they should be able to refer you to one who won't cost you to go to them.\n\nFor what it's worth, I think that your mom loves you and just wants you to make the most of your life because she's learned the hard way that life is short, and that you have to live it to the fullest.  She just wants to see you do that.  And of course she misses your brother...she wouldn't be normal if she didn't.  But, she can have it both ways...she can love you for you and still miss him.  Sit down and talk to her about it.
441120
I am unsure. sound weird ,   well....  To be brief conflict with my mother arose without warning  shes 79  i am 36.  We never get made like get the hell out, except when I was 13 and thouight I was 30.  I felt bad because her mind is slipping and I am helping her recover from heart surgery this time last year. We grumble and laugh and tease like kids almost reverse roles now.  bottom line .  I cracked left,   all of the family 2 bros 1 sister 3neices 2 nepnews and mom all called and called until i came back.  She asked me to leave.   When I arrived it was as though nothing had happened, except for me I felt so ashamed for breaking.  Its a long story about a great family I wouldnt trade for ANYTHING, so without heartache you will never know joy.  Thats the saying..... well    it is true  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2007 only positive thoughts............ peace be with everyone
163587
My parents were negative influences.  They fought all the time and my dad would beat my mother up.   (later in life, I stopped him with a knife to his hand)  My mom's idea of retaliation was to cheat on him with several other men.  I was brought up in an angry home, and I was an angry person for many years.  The positive influence in my life is Jesus.  I'm still not the way I'd like to be, but my belief in him keeps me pretty much in line.
668123
My mom led a double life.  My dad suspected, but couldn't prove it.  She encouraged him to take his anger out on me, and he did because it was easier than to actually deal with her.\n\nAll my life, she told me that Dad's rages were my fault and that if I were better, he wouldn't hurt any of us.  She let me feel guilty for the times when he would lose it with her.  She stood by when he would lose it with me, and then later tell me what I should have done better so that I could have prevented it.\n\nShe's told me all my life that I don't love her enough.  That I don't try hard enough, but all my life she's had that secret.   How close could she let me get?\n\nShe asked me to come home with her and my dad one day.  On the car ride to their house, she confessed her double life.  She should have told Dad first.  It was then that it clicked with me that I had always been sort of a human shield.\n\nEven after she admitted her lifestyle, and that she had set me and my dad against each other all those years, she judged me for how I handled her confession.  My forgiveness wasn't good enough.  She thought I should immediately comfort and reassure her.\n\nI have forgiven her.  I doubt that I've done it to suit her, exactly.  She wants me to go back to feeling responsible for her happiness, and I'm not going back there.  Ever.\n\nBut I do want what's best for her.  I pray for her wellbeing.  I have tried to help her work things out with my dad.  I begged them to get counseling.\n\nI know I have forgiven her because I don't want her to make the past up to me.  I don't feel like she owes me anything.  When good things happen for her, I'm happy for her.\n\nI've also accepted that we're never going to have a close relationship because for whatever reason, she can't do that without requiring me to take responsibility for her actions.  I've accepted that that's where she is right now.  I hope that if she changes in the future, we can have a better relationship, but for now I can be respectful even when she's petty.  I can keep myself from sinking to her level in a disagreement.\n\nI know I still love her, even though she's hurt me deeply.  \n\nI highly recommend "Boundaries Face to Face" by Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud if you're struggling with forgiveness.  There's a difference between forgiveness and trust or reconciliation, and they go into that in depth.  Unfortunately, some people let the guilt of their offenses cause them to turn outward instead of inward and they judge those they hurt rather than taking responsibility.  Their focus is on you behaving differently toward them, rather than on them needing to change hurtful patterns of behavior and showing "fruit worthy of repentance."  Don't let someone bully you into believing that you must meet their standards of forgiveness in order to have really forgiven.\n\nForgiveness can be so difficult, but it's possible.  And it's necessary for you to be free from the hurt.  Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  It unties you from the trauma.
196793
When I was a child, my parents partied wildly and fought each other with venom and hatred.  I heard the gospel from my grandmother.  Anyway, when I was about eight years old my five year old sister came to me one night and asked her big brother what she should do about Daddy.  I learned that night that Dad was molesting her.  This was a complicated issue for a five, eight, or fifty-eight year old to deal with.  I told her I didn't know and that I would think about it and get back to her.  My dilemma was that if I told Mom, Mom would use this in her war against Dad.  If I confronted Dad I was sure that he would just reject me for it or at the very least just deny and shuffle me on to other things.\n\nWhat I didn't decide to do was deal with it, basically I sold out my sister for a relationship with a broken Daddy.  At this time the weight of the world settled on my little shoulders.  I had no understanding at the time of my guilt and the weight of my non-action on my sister's behalf.  Three years later we were living in a little town and we kids got involved in a neighborhood church for the cookies and punch in Sunday School.  Some ladies talked Mom into going to church and so it happened the summer of the next year when an evangelical group came to our church to run a crusade.  There was great music and powerful evangelistic messages and one night in the two weeks this went on, I felt God calling me.  I'd listened to the preacher/evangelist and was considering his message but it was God who'd moved in my heart.  I was no longer a child with childish concerns, but the harder issues were upon my mind.  I still didn't have any understanding of my guilt about my sister, but when I went forward, once I'd made the decision to step out, I felt light as a feather, as though walking a foot off the ground.  The release of guilt was so freeing, I was in tears and didn't know why.\n\nIt wasn't until twenty years later that I went over those memories with an adult understanding and realized what my poor sister had had to deal with all by herself that I realized where all that guilt had come from.  We discussed these events and are quite close today, but the years in between were more distant between us.  I know God is real from many other experiences but this was what brought me to faith.
102241
She can only interfere as much as you two let her. My wife and I had gone through this. My own mom is very controlling and self-centered. She never re-married after my dad left in 1973. Mom felt that my wife took me away from her. When we got married, early on I told mom that I have a wife to take care of now and that SHE is the focus of my attention and affections. I do have a 35 year old brother that still lives with her, but she would call for me to do work around her house. I told her that I have my own house to take care of. Sure, she got irritated, but she also began to realize that I was not at her beck and call anymore.
624287
I used to act just like her from age 9-16 I used to disappear with friends all hours of the night and come home with no answers.  But then again I had a cop for a dad..I was always in trouble and I think after the scare my mom and dad did to me i learned alot..My folks pretty much told me to get into the car and took me down to the MORGUE of all places and asked me if I wanted to end up like that...then after that I tried to committ suicide cause i thought they ment they didn't want me around and ended up in a psych ward and then put on house arrest for two and a half years...But the morgue was thier last step and it scared the only livin crap outta me.  I understand not havin the money for help  i lived the same way...But...now I see the way people are raising thier kids letting them get away with everything ..what happened to old fashion discipline..one take the Phone away two ground them don't let them leave the house ...3...Tell her she isn't going anywhere unless you know where she is going and what she will be doing...4 Everyone should have respect for their elders that includes the parents,teachers, etc...and if this don't work...talk to the police department in your town..see how she likes to be locked up...thats one thing my mom and dad did that i didn't like but..got used to it...in this situation your parents need to show her who is boss...even if it means  taking out a belt and whipping her butt with it...I hope this helps you out...
657805
She could have been mad at you but didn't want to tell you (yeah, I know it just makes things difficult but I know I've done it before) if she just doesn't want to hang out. If she just stopped talking to you all together, her religion may prohibit contact like hugging with the opposite sex. She also could have mentioned that her mom didn't want you hanging out but you missed it. I'll be honest. I usually expect people to get what I said the first time so she may have just given up.
314473
I've been on both sides of this. I lost my mom when I was only 4 years old. My dad remarried almost right away. I was too young at the time to say anything. But later he divorced her and started dating again when I was like 12 years old. None of my siblings were happy about it. We wanted our dad to ourselves.  Well, they got married. We haven't always liked her or got along. But, my dad is happy and that's all that mattera. I've been on the other side too. I dated a man who had two teenage kids. Him and his wife had divorced recently. The kids did not want their dad to date. They made life very difficult and caused me a lot of heart ache. I really liked them and just wanted to get to know them. In the end I simply couldn't do it anymore and I left. He's dating again but I think he's talked to his kids since then and they are a lot more accepting. Moral of the story: If they make your dad happy try to be happy for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
186529
My mom was an alcoholic and was very abusive to me, my sisters and especially my father. she had a heart attack and died in the house my dad still lives in. She is still there though, we have all had several experiences with her ghost. its like she caused so much misery in that house she is trapped there to see everyone else being SO happy without her.
100522
HELLO! I AM A MOTHER OF FOUR/ THREE BOYS ONE GIRL! I KNOW IT IS HARD TO DEAL WITH LIFE ISSUES SOMETIME! NORMAL- WE JUST HAVE TO DO THE BEST WE CAN! I HATE YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS. I HAVE HAD SAME HAPPEN WITH MY 14 YEAR OLD SON!PARENTS ARE NOT PERFECT AND WE DONT ALWAYS HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS! JUST KNOW WE DO TRY TO DO ALL WE CAN- THESE OTHER FOLKS ON HERE TELLING YOU TO CUSS YOUR PARENTS- SO WRONG! GOD SAYS TO HONOR YOUR PARENTS! DO YOU PRAY? ARE YOU SAVED/ARE YOUR PARENTS SAVED? I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO DO BETTER IN SCHOOL! ARE YOU DOING YOUR BEST? tHEN THAT IS ALL A PARENT CAN ASK! IF NOT, WILL YOU TRY HARDER? I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! RELAX TOO- WHEN YOUR PARENTS FUSS TRY TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE= WALK OUTSIDE IF YOU CAN-LEAVE THE ROOM! STAY CALM! THEN YOU CAN THINK BETTER! I FEEL YOUR PAIN! YOU WIL BE IN MY PRAYERS-EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT -MY HUSBAND IS A PREACHER-WE WILL HELP YOU ANY WAY WE CAN-GOOD LUCK!