I RECENTLY WALKED AWAY FM A 8 YRS. RELATIONSHIP, WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE,I ATTEMPTED AND GOT PHONE SLAMMED DOORS SHUT, I WAS LEFT HEARTBROKEN, MADE ATTEMPTS TO CONTACT AND NUMBERS CHANGED. IT TOOK  MONTHS TO ACTUALLY FORGIVE, BUT I STILL CARE ,I'M STILL HURT BUT I HAVE FORGIVEN,HOW CAN I GO ON,NEVER WAS MUCH OF A LISTENER JUST A PERSON WHO WALKED AWAY AND EXPECTED THINGS TO SOLVE THEMSELVES..WONDER IF HE EVEN HAS A HEART FOR ANYONE, I NOW AM SO HUNG UP ON PROTECTING MYSELF OR LETTING SOMEONE NEW INTO MY LIFE AFRAID TO HURT AGAIN..
214584
It's understandable you don't want to be hurt again. Nobody ever wants to be hurt. But you have to let someone new into your life. It will take a mental effort, but you have to do it! It's the only good way to move on. Figure out what you did wrong, g=to get hurt, and avoid doing it with the new guy that you find. Or maybe I should say, who finds you.
639065
How sad .......you lost the very first love you ever had because of someone you trusted ......... someone you had been kind and loyal to. You not only lost your first love, you lost a friend : two deaths.\nI think that it will be hard to resolve your feelings because there is no way to resolve the issue. You can't change the past.. Your relationship was interrupted. In order to heal from this tragic wound, you need to approach it the same way you would a death. You need to go through the stages of grief. There are some good methods outlines at : http://www.elderhope.com/e_class/new_grief/grief_2_2.html\nI am so sorry for your losses. \nI carried the unresolved loss for over thirty years, and then I called my childhood boyfriend (I found his phone number on the internet). I told him what had happened and we talked about it. We talked about our lives and families and things in general. About two weeks after our conversation, I woke up one morning and realized I was no longer thinking about him. I realized how happy I was that we never married. I was thankful my life had taken a different direction.\nI still feel pain about my friend who betrayed me. Her actions caused me to distrust people throughout my life. I wish I had had someone to help me go through the grieving process when I was young. Good luck. There is a different, better ending to your story. One day you will be happy about it because, if your boyfriend had been a purer person, he would not have abandoned you because of gossip.
150158
That hurts. Really bad. I have been there and loved someone but they left to be with someone else.It sucked but got to move on but if you ever need anyone to talk to email me at yogisindianbrave@yahoo.com
3755
I can certainly relate to what you are going through.  I, too, am a giver, and I have felt so drained of everything after being repeatedly used by someone. Yes, it does hurt badly to be liked for only what you have or can give!  I agree that you should be quick to forgive, and not just when it feels right.  However, you can forgive someone but still keep a healthy distance from that person if they continue doing things to hurt you.  Someone who is TRULY sorry won't keep using and abusing you.  I would suggest you try reading the book "Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It really deals with this very issue and shows you how to safely choose people who are not going to treat you as a door mat.  In the mean time, go on forgiving, but set up some boundaries for yourself and don't allow people to walk on you.  Choose your friends wisely.  You can still love them, and pray for them, that they will come to see how they have treated you, but you don't want to give them the go-ahead for mistreating you.  If they are truly your friends, they will stop and never do it again.  If not, it's time to meet some new people.
596126
I'm not sure if I'll be a big help in this, but here's what I know...\n\nMy Husband told me that Hate works 24/7 and it can never leave a person's heart and soul, to Forgive, Forget and Move on is a lot harder to do than anything else. He told me, "If you'll stay hatefull and unforgiving you won't be the same person anymore, because as simple as hating someone or something takes everything out of you making you harshes and meaner to the world around you. When someone spends a long time hating, they might loose the grip with the reality and what's important to them... and in the end they might never be able to come back to the way they used to be: sweet, kind, and forgiving" ... I knew what he meant when he told me that, I just personally had a hard time to doing that since I had my own private reasons for the hate, revenge and being mean. I thought I had every good God-given reason to stay that way without even thinking of consequences. In my thinking, I thought, "Why on this God-green-Earth I should even consider to forgive a guy (of all people!) who raped me when I was little?! Why can't anyone see what I mean?" In truth, my Husband was the only and the first person to open-up my eyes to everything. He was able to understand and see everything the way it was needed to assist me in recovery through this whole mess. He helped me and guided me to the firmer ground knowing fully well that it'll take probably a long time for me to come back to "normal" or at least to the way I wish I was...\n\nYou know, one day was an eye-oppener for me... In the evening, before going to bed, when I was washing my face, I took a glimpse in the mirror... I thought I'll scream... I didn't expect to see the face that was looking back at me. I knew it was me, but I just couldn't recognise myself... no anymore, at least. I've spent so many months and years hating someone I didn't quite remember and for what they've done that every possible negative emotion that I could possibly have... I could see it as plain as daylight written on my face. I looked cold, harsh, mean and completely uncaring towards anything or anyone. It was something I didn't expect and I hope will never see. I never thought that all the negative emotions will change me so drastically and deteriorate the way I looked on the outside... He didn't see anything on my face even though I was afraid to ask. I thought I'd give him a heart attack not only with that question but also acting like a scared cat... That night, being in my Husband's arms it felt so safe (just like always), but for some reason it dawned on me that maybe I didn't deserve him in any way because of the what was going on and how everything turned out to be. Remembering and knowing in my heart that he loved me, that he'll always be here no matter what and he'll never judge, criticise, ignore or leave me in any way, shape, or form... It has made all the difference in the world to me. That same night I just thought to myself, "Whoever you are I forgive you with all of my heart and soul for what you have done, and I sencirely hope you'll never do something like this ever again to anyone else." I meant every word... I don't know why but I felt so light, as if a big weight and burden was lifted off of my shoulders. That night was one of the most peaceful and restfull nights I've had in a long time. My heart didn't feel like it had to work over-time just to calm me down and my whole being started to heal. It took me about 2 months to start and heal if not completely, but at least be on the way to recovery. I know, there wll still be moments when I'll remember the past as if it only happened yesterday. It'll be just that a memory of that day and nothing more. Forgiving him actually took out the sting from the event and was like a healling herb that my heart and soul needed so ba
309812
I've fallen in love only once. Yesterday we broke up, I did it only because it was the right thing to do, yes, I got very hurt. Now I wanna fall out of live with him, if that's even possible. The problem is that love makes me always see all his good qualities, never the bad ones. I hope it's true what they say that time heals, 'cause I'm as sad as my avatar looks. As far as advices go, i don't really have any, love is a different experience for each person. Just enjoy it, take chances and live at 100%, you might get hurt, but otherwise, you might feel like you never lived in the first place. Thanks for letting me share, I know it's quite long. Good luck ;)
504986
I am happy for you that you realize he didn't love you, you are on the road to recovery!  WTG!  Why do you miss him so much?  You spent 3 years with him, that is a good chunk of time wouldn't you agree?  Even though someone hurt us more than imaginable, we still suffer a loss after a break up.  The only way to heal is to forgive him for all they ways he's hurt you.  You forgive him for yourself and your mental health, it really has nothing to do with him.  Then give yourself a lot of time.  You aren't going to get over three years in a month.  When you feel you are ready to move on you will but; give yourself a little time so what he did to you doesn't effect your next relationship.  Good luck and remember:  "NO MAN OR WOMAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS AND THE ONE WHO IS WON'T MAKE YOU CRY."  I don't know who said it but; it's wonderful isn't it?
593562
You have to want to, and let time heal your wounds.  Try counseling, whether alone or with him.  Talking out your feelings is the only way you will truly ever be able to process them.\n   Do not listen to these people who say give up and move on.  We do that too much today.  Give up to easy.  If you really love him, try to work it out.  You will probably never forget the hurt he has caused you, but you may be able to forgive, move on, and both of you learn a valuable lesson.  It may make you stronger in the long run.\n   I would suggest counseling before you give up, but if the pain is too great, then maybe you should seperate for awhile (not give up, just seperate) and work on things at a distance where you both have your space to heal, grow, and process.\n\nGood luck.  peace and love
45880
This is a toughie for me.  In retrospect, I felt in my gut whenever a guy wasn't the best one for me--but I often stayed because I doubted my own instincts.  Things generally end or fade away because the universe no longer sees a need for us have them in our lives; we have learned our lesson and it is time to move on.  The pain of a breakup is FAR less damaging than the choice to stay and suffer holding on long after you should have let go.
567270
No doubt about it, he has moved on. It's more and more common for guys to just  leave these days without addressing the situation, whatever it may be. Sad but true.\nFor your own self esteem, move on woman! You deserve more respect, ie;clear and honest communication, consideration for you and your feelings, etc. If you do not set boundaries to what is an acceptable for you to be treated, you could be walked all over, again and again.\nGood Luck
213914
no, cute gal you are not crazy it is HUMAN NATURE, matters of the heart!!!\n\nI am so happy you acted responsible with this situation it could of costed you time and emotional scars and we all know that is very hard to clear up or face yourself when you are emotionally a reck. \n\nbut what you have did is very important to all mankind you listen and stayed true to yourself, you know what you want and this tells me  you are on the path to getting it!!! \n\nnever accept less, you deserve the world you have to know and acknowledge that first, then others will give to you!!!\nthey can't handle you in any way unless you allow it.\n\nyou will get over this person and be on to the next. \nstay in control!!!
552857
I know exactly how you feel!  I've avoided relationships for a long time because I was afraid of getting hurt.  I've been with my current guy for a little less than a year now and it's been the most anxiety-filled year that I've had in a long time.  There were many times when I almost felt like running away because the fear was overwhelming.  But the thing that makes me stay is the realization that in order to get the things I want most in life (not just in relationships) takes an amount of risk.  If we play it safe all the time, we'll never get hurt, but life would be bland.
576923
I lost my wife, loved her with all my heart, loved her enough to understand that by trying to keep her in a relationship she did not any longer desire then any relationship we continued would only be empty and non fulfilling for us both how could she be happy if she was forced to stay on account of my feelings alone?? how could i be happy if the love i had for her would never again be reciprocated??   I walked away . I have still not recovered fully  she was my soul mate yet to hope that we could some day find happiness again I had to let her go.\n\nBy the way I did not cheat or abused her after 12 years of being together  things changed and she  had the courage to tell me she no longer was in love knowing how deeply I still loved her .
510074
I'm sorry to hear you're in such pain.  Unfortunately, hurting comes with the territory; it will lessen over time.\n\nYou can do things to help yourself, though it might be hard:\n\n1.  You broke up for a reason, don't forget that.\n\n2.  He is now involved with someone else, and you may be crushed that he moved on so quickly.  Don't be; give yourself time...his moving on is no reflection on you.\n\n3.  Be honest with yourself about your real motivation for keeping in contact with him.  You've tried to talk to him...he does not want to talk to you.  Accept it and stop torturing yourself, your attempts to speak with you aren't getting you anywhere.\n\n4.  You may think it's wrong for him to respond the way he is, but look at it from his perspective:  You broke up; he's involved with someone else and you keep calling him.  You can let go, and it's annoying to him.  What reason would he have to talk to you other than to tell you to leave him alone?  What if the situation were reversed?\n\nNo, it isn't easy.  Having been there, I promise you you'll get over him in time.  You'll look back on this and wonder what all the hoopla was all about. In the meantime, stop calling him; it's not healthy and you're only hurting yourself.  It's not going to bring him back to you.\n\nTake care...
609143
I know what you mean, I really do. I have been there beofre. If it is meant to be.. he will come around.. He is just scared that he will get his heart hurt again.. My fiance did the same thing to me. But after he realizes that you wouldn't hurt him. he will slowly come around. he just has to be safe.. and he has to know that you wont hurt his heart.. GOod LUck.... I hoped this helped
616518
I know I'm still in love with my ex - he ended our 2 year relationship very suddenly with an e-mail & I am finished with\ndating, men, relationships, love. He was the last man I ever plan to be involved with - I've had enough.  Good luck with your situation!
304541
The power of forgiveness is amazing.  It is the hardest thing to do but has amazing results when you do it.  It may just seem like the "religious" thing to do, but you need to release that burden of the past and put it back on them. When you don't forgive someone it only hurts you-- not them.  So let it go-- the best you know how.  I am a christian but I have seen the power of forgivness in my family who is athesist.  God Bless you and I hope that you don't have to live in this forever.  :)