Please be honest here. I am not the most "experienced" woman in the world. My thing is that I believe that you cannot be a mans mother. I think that a man can do whatever he wants. I always say do whatever you want, go wherever you want, just respect me. I do not question him to death. I feel that he is a grown man. If he wants to cheat then he will whether I nag him or not. I also tell him that if he wants to "see" me and he feels that he cannot wait, then just let me know, no matter the time. I also feel that the man is the head of the household and when he becomes your husband, that he is over you. My best friend is saying that I am simply opening the door up for him to cheat on me. What do you think?
210080
I think you are positivly right..I am the same way with my fiancee...I was raised with old fashioned southern values
664001
Okay, how about you stop worrying about what he wants?  What about what you want?  How old are you?  Have you even had a chance to experience life?  It really sounds like he doesn't know if he wants to be with you or not but is going to continue stringing you along until he can make up his mind.  What are you going to do if he comes home, gets you pregnant and then decides he's not ready to be a husband and father?  Where does that leave you?  Can you be absolutely sure that he will not do that?  If the answer is no, then maybe you need to tell him that you need things to slow down. You don't have to let him call all the shots.  You are a person as well.  You have a right to decide, for yourself, what you want out of this life. There is much more to experience in life than being someones girlfriend/wife/mother.  Don't get me wrong, I am married and have a beautiful little boy, but I experienced life for myself before I did so. And we were married 7 years before I got pregnant so we could experience life together.  I wish you luck and hope you make the right decision for you!
531235
Hi Charlie, well you and your man have both survived in this relationship for this long, have you learnt all you need to know from each other?  I think most people reading your question will see that you want out.  It could be easy to say maybe you have some post natal depression but it sounds like it has been bad for a long time.  I found the first six weeks with my first baby one of the most difficult in my life, it was like a slap in the face, so I can only imagine how hard it must be without the support and love you must be craving at this point in time.  \n\nStill, this is not about sympathy or feeling sorry, my answer is about being strong and moving on.... I can certainly relate to staying in a bad relationship with a man with a violent personality, getting together with him when you're both too young to know any better, changing the way you behave to keep a peaceful atmosphere in the house, doing what you can to keep him in a good mood etc.  You said it 'i thought id found the one' - you haven't. He isn't the one for you and you are not 'the one' for him, he needs some time on his own to learn and grow from his mistakes before he moves on to his next relationship, don't buy into any rubbish about suicide.  You care greatly about this man, and he knows it, just decide that you will not be manipulated into staying with him.  \n\nI believe you know what is best for you and your baby and I don't think you have any room for a needy, immature, selfish, bad tempered man in your life, even if you  love him.  I understand that you can feel for him, most likely a great deal of sympathy has replaced the attraction and love you once felt, you need to let him go.  You will be doing him a favour in the long run because he will then have the opportunity to learn. I also understand that it can seem safer and less scary to stay in a bad situation that is familiar than start down a path of the unknown, but your unknown has some certainties...freedom to be you, freedom to dress as you wish, freedom to see your friends, freedom to speak, freedom from fear, freedom from manipulation, freedom from guilt.  You owe each other nothing, you may feel you have made mistakes and the wrong decisions (many people have) but none of it is really wrong if you see what you have learnt and gained from your experience.\n\nI just want to add here that you must not base any of your decision on what others may think.  All those people who may think you are happily married, the people who may have given you presents at your wedding, his friends, your friends, parents, family etc.  It doesn't matter what they think.  What matters is that you create a positive environment for you and your baby.  If others understand and support you, that's great, if not keep focused on what you want.  My understanding of your question is that what you want is the freedom to be you, to live without fear, to live without the guilt and manipulative behaviour, to live as an adult making your own decisions, to not feel alone. \n\nIt was the last thing you wrote that prompted me to write.  You deserve to feel love.  I know being a new mum can be a very lonely place in itself, so I really want to encourage you to hold on to your courage and move on.  Even though you will be in an emotional turmoil write down an action plan for leaving and what you will do once you do.  Join mothers groups, plan time with your friends, contact support places, plan to do one nice thing for you each day.\n\nThe question you asked was 'has anyone else been in my situation?'  My answer is yes.  I hope that by reading supportive answers that you feel even just a tiny bit less alone.  Others have been there, and life can be all the better for what you have learnt, what you now know.\n\nGood thoughts and wishes to you.
325960
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
141653
It is the guys polite way of letting you know that he thinks that you and him are not going to make a good couple. That "click" or connection could vary from general interests to something sexual.  I am also guessing that he might not be ready to take on a commitment of a father figure. Even though I am sure that is not what you are asking him to become right now, the fact that he lives the single life makes me wonder if he is ready to take on a responsibility that big. That might be his other reason for not "clicking". I think that he is trying to sugar coat the subject by suggesting that he is afraid to get hurt. I think that he is afraid to have to grow up and be involved in a mature relationship.  Whatever his reasons are, you don't need him. Anyone that cant appreciate a strong, independent woman, isn't worth the time of day anyway.
543802
IF A MAN WANTS YOU\n\nIf a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.\n\nIf he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.\n\nStop making excuses for a man and his behavior.\n\nAllow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.\n\nStop trying to change  yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.\n\nSlower is better.\n\nNever live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.\n\nIf a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.\n\nDon't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.\n\nDon't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.\n\nThe only person you can control in a relationship is you.\n\nAvoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?\n\nAlways have your own set of friends separate from his.\n\nMaintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.\n\nIf something bothers you, speak up.\n\nNever let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.\n\nYou cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.\n\nDon't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.\n\nNever let a man define who you are.\n\nNever borrow someone else's man.\n\nOh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.\n\nA man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.\n\nAll men are NOT dogs.\n\nYou should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.\n\nYou need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship\n\nYou should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.\n\nDating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.\n\nMake him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.\n\nDon't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.\n\nKeep him in your radar but get to know others.
156745
How old are you? your question irk me! Please answer this, Are you the best for her? If you can't even convinced your heart, how would you be a good man for this woman? she needs more than your "doubts". It's not just your marriage you're talking about, it's her's too, and tell you what, she might have that very same doubt about you! imagine why the so-called strange words (as you said)! Grow up!
311020
He doesn't sound sincere! It seems like he is only using you. He needs to decide wether he wants to be your man or mummy's boy the rest of his life. You need to put your foot down and give him an ultimatum, "be my man or be mumm's little boy the rest of your life"? Claim back your self esteem woman and your self worth and don't be taken for a fool!!!
45213
I would say your man doesnt respect your feelings for him or respect you. If he did he wont be behaving the way he is right now. I suggest you dump him. That should be your goal. Get selfish. And being selfish is not getting back at him or getting even, its just you are trying to protect yours and ur baby's future. Find a job, start working, be a woman, be empowered, live life and find peace.
22573
OK, hon. First of all, you don't need to prove your love to him. No matter what anybody says. No matter who you date, they will never be good enough for mommy and daddy. (Unless they pick the person) Second, don't focus so much on love. Give it time. I don't know how old you are, and personally I don't consider it an issue. If you focus on love, you will be heartbroken if things don't work out. I'm not saying set your standards low. I am not saying don't love this person. What I am saying is spend time with him. Enjoy the relationship. Don't get married young. And for gods sake don't get married without first living with the person. People seem VERY different when you have to share space with them. Trust me about that one. Don't rush. True love doesn't need a wedding band. If you love someone, being with that person should be enough. Sex is nice, but even that isn't necessary. The company of your significant other is all that is necessary. If you two love each other than that is all that matters. Marriage and sex are over rated. (Sex is nice, but still over rated) If you love him then your parents will eventually come to the realization that he is sticking around. They will either come to accept it, or they will disown you. I know this. I have been married. I was only 19. I told my parents the day before. At first they accused me of being crazy. They made some pretty insulting comments, and I told them to go fuck themselves. They learned to accept my wife and even grew to like her. You are your own person. Heres a motto that my stepfather taught me. "If you don't fuck me, feed me, or pay my bills......Go fuck yourself!" Your family is an important part of your life, but you didn't choose them. You were born with them. You couldn't change who they were. Your boyfriend is somebody that you chose to bring into your life. Your parents should respect your decisions. And if they think you are a fool for being with him...... remind them of who taught you. What examples did you have to follow. They are the 2 biggest influences in your life. Whether you know it or not. Everything that you have witnessed from them as a child has molded you to be the person that you are today. Everything from not enough hugs to the overprotectiveness. They have made you who you are. If they are unhappy with that, then they should try to do a better job next time.
115737
Well ive never been threw it but ill be more then happy to give you my 2 cents with out calling you a slut, i think part of it is your husbands fault for not making sure you have what you need, now i know alot of people are going to scream for me saying that but its the truth, in a marriage part of our job is doing everything possible to make sure our partner is getting everything we need from them emotionally or sexually. Thats just the way it works for a healthy marriage, The only bit of advice i could give you not being actually in that situation is to eather pick on or the other, i can see you feeling even more torn when your feelings for this other guy are fostered even more and you cant act on it, not to mention the emotional and sexual frustrations that can easily bring. I can understand why you turned to this other man for support you wernt getting at home. But i can only see you hurting yourself in the long run if you dont cut ties with one of them. That is unless you totally dont love your husband anymore and your just in it for everything youve envested on a tangable level that you dont want to lose. But honestly do you think if you bumped this relationship up with this other guy you would be able to continue this double life, i hate to label it that way but thats the only thing i can think of to call it right off the top of my head, but i think you understand where im coming from. You need to set a game plan in your head on where you want to go in life if things with this other guy keep developing, what happens if this guy says ok ill chuck my marriage will you chuck yours? what if he talks about you guys meeting and making a full flaired affair? What if your husband finds out about whats going on how will you respond? How will your husband? Im not saying i know what you should do or what you need to do, but if i were you i would get a clear picture of what i wanted from your husband or from this other guy. Do you think there would be a possiblity you would be more happy in your marriage if your husband started to work with you on your problems with the marriage? Do you think there is any hope for you marriage now? Do you think your husband is doing the same thing you are on some sort of level? IF he was how do you feel about it? I think you need to ask yourself these kinds of questions and in deep deep detail figure out what you want to do, i dont think anyone in here can really answer those kinds of questions and give you any much more of a clear picture then you seriously thinking about this i wish you all of luck and i really hope you get something figured out on this *HUGS*
418488
I love this question its funny! Woman tend to stablish a emotional relationship first rather than the physical. So she is trying to establish that she can A-Trust You B-That once you get it you won't leave C- That you truly care for her. Men are naturally Horn Dogs:-), nothing wrong with it but i can understand where your coming from. Just like your doing continue to respect her and eventually she will feel comfortable enough with you to share that with you. In the meantime well you have a hand ;-) Good Luck and i give you props for just not ditching her when she said she wanted to wait it shows your a real man!
354312
Your question brought tears to my eyes.  Your life sounds like mine when I was 20.  My so called boyfriend and I are 5 years apart also and we have a child together.  Your fiance sounds just like mine years ago. The life you are living is a hard one, I can feel your pain.   I left my boyfriend several times because of his controlling crazy ways. My friends werent good enough, he didnt like me to go out, he was jealous of anything and everything.  And he accused me of sleeping with anybody and everybody (male, female, dog, cat, if I looked at it I was sleeping with it).  He couldnt hold down a job either.  He was a good father also.  Remember men like this make good fathers because they are CONTROLLING. I used to think is this all there is for me like you do but trust me its not.  You can take your child and raise it by yourself.  I raised 2 kids at your age by myself.  Trust me this man is only going to drag you down.  Here I am years 15 years later and I am STILL going back and forth with the same man.  Only difference is now he has changed he is no longer that controlling jerk he used to be.  But it took 15 years to get here. And that is only because he matured in some areas but in other areas he is still a jerk.  We dont live together so why am I holding on? I am working on myself now to figure that out.  My question to you is.  Do you want to wait 15 years like me for this man to finally treat you with the respect you deserve? I can see your like me, you need to save yourself from yourself.  I thought I was in love, funny thing is I still do, but I also know what is best for me.  Men like this never change.  Mine changed his controlling ways but only because he had no choice.  I have figured out through the years that guys like this are always going to find a way to hurt you.  The hurt never stops.  Don't say you made your bed so you should lie in it.  No one deserves the kind of treatment you receive.  I really think you will be able to make a good life for you and you child.  I did.  I am successful and have 2 great kids.  Funny thing is now "jerk" wants to settle down.  But the past is some thing you never forget.  Especially when he is still doing little stupid things that hurt me.  Like I said the hurt never stops.  I would love to give you strength and advice to help you through this because I can sense there is probally more to your story just like their is more to mine.  Dont think you are being selfish.  That was my problem years ago.  I put everyones happiness before my own.  Only sacrifice you need to make is for your child, remember that.  Your child needs to be raised in a loving argue free environment.  It is going to be hard.  Beause this guy has ahold of your mind, more than a hold on your heart.
546945
you have every right to be concerned, i would be too. the choices you make with regards to what your against are your right to make.  it seems like your man is friends with a rotten bunch of guys but ultimately he is a man and if he stoops to their level then he is just as bad as they are. i really feel for you because i can really relate to your situation. i am sure you really love him and are not ready quite yet to give up on things. you need to deal with him over the sex issue and get to the bottom of that because thats where alot of your insecurities come from. when it comes to his friends i will tell you from experience that the more you express how much you dislike them the more he will want to be friends with them simply because he is a man and doesnt want to be controlled by you. you're going to need to bite your tongue on the friend issue and play it smart. you are going to have to act as though the issues with his friends is not there and if he is going to have some fun with then why shouldnt you go out with your girlfriends and have a great time without him. act confident and secure despite how you really feel and that will grab his attention. let him wonder whats going on with you and why you seem so happy. fake it til you make it whether its with or without him. the odds are in your favor if play it cool and if after a while things dont improve and you're still unhappy you need to move on.  time will only tell where your relationship is headed but do not compromise your morals and values so he can live his life and have a good woman like yourself. just keep your eyes and ears open for anything out of the ordinary but try not to let it consume you because that alone can ruin what may be left of your relationship.
664609
Your ex-bf's problem has nothing to do with age. He wants to "have his cake and eat it too". (I hate that cliche). I agree with phattphatt. This guy is unstable and needs to be kicked to the curb. If he keeps this crap up she will do the same and he will have lost you both. I'm not so sure what the age problem is, she is only a year younger. Your first statement made it sound like he a was dating a child and he was in his thirtys. Give him the boot and find yourself a real man.
230045
I actually said the same thing about my husband.  Around me he is totally different then when he is with his friends.  I finally just asked my husband what the deal was.  He looked at my puzzled, and replied that of course he acts differently around me.  I couldn't understand it.  He told me that the way he acts with me is how he wants me to see him.  The way he loves me.  The way he acts with his friends is just being one of the guys.   I told him that he cusses, drinks when he's with his friends but not around me.  He said he respected me to much to act that way with me.  Its a guy thing.  I've learned to live with it.
620643
I am taking it that you are already married and feel the man is making choices that effect you both and he is unwilling to allow you to be his equal when it comes to making choices /decisions. \nIn this case the male or your husband shows signs of classic control - has in his mind set a woman has a place. often making you feel more like a child than a wife. \nShame there are still men out there like this. No advice here will aid you as dealing with how one has been brought up to believe, can not be altered merely by suggestive means.\nYour choices would be \na. Seek professional help - marriage consul \nb. adapt by acceptance - not recommended \nc. removal - divorce \n\nwhatever your choice I wish you the best of luck