My best friend that Ive known for about 12 years now is going through a tough time. her mother passed away when we were about 17 and I was there for her. in between that time and even now she always put her male friends and even boyfriends ahead of me. It seems like she only wants to talk to me when they are doing her wrong. Her grandma has been in hospice and this morning we found out she passed. she has no one here and she is feeling very lonely. now she needs me. I dont know if I should act like a friend and be there for her since she has not been there for me in a couple of years. does any one have any suggestions?
209384
Yes u should,even though she hasn't been there for u and she only comes when she needs ur advice or just cuz she's in pain about a break up, show her that u have a BIGGER HEART and show her what a real friend is about, later on in life TRUST ME she will see that u are the Best's friend she's got and she will start to value U and appreciate ur FRIENDSHIP,right now she's caught up in boys and love and she doesn't want nothin or nobody to interrupt her fun, so go by her side and give her comfort,she will feel good to see that even though she's not there for u that u always have her back and then she'll see that u are a REAL FRIEND...trust me that u will feel good about urself
244058
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.  That in its own way will help you to understand what your mother is feeling, as you were obviously very close.  It's to your mother's credit that she has raised such a kind child in you, and that you are so concerned for her.  \n\nI know how she feels; my father is 86 and will die soon, and it's very hard to know this.  Losing a son is perhaps worse - it goes against the nature of things that your child dies before you do, so your grandmother's death will be easier in that way to accept as we all know our parents die before us - usually.\n\nJust give your mum lots of hugs and affection, and as you say you don't know what to do for her, ask her if there's anything she would like you to do.  But you can also buy her small things to cheer her up - I have a vast reserve of funny books which I read when I'm feeling low, and sometimes it's nice just to lie on the bed with my feet up, having a good giggle when there's no one around!
329435
Just be there for her no matter what she says to you. Hold her and be there for her and when she is feeling better let her talk as much as she needs to about what happened. Never say that you know how she feels because you don't even if this has happened to you before, everyone grieves differently.
375988
This is a really difficult situation for your friend, she may not be ready to deal with her sons birthday.  I have no idea what she must be going through losing a child. But I do know that when my father past away I wanted to be alone on his birthday.  You may want to talk to her first and see how she feels about getting together for dinner or just a girls night in before you plan anything in honor of her son.
270602
My son, who is age 16, didn't go as far as your friend did. He just recently got out of a special hospital here that deals with this type of situation. I honestly know how you feel, but mine goes deeper because it was my son. His depression started when he lost his best friend to suicide, and I've been helping him try to cope with this, it happened in March. Then, the next thing I knew, we went for a regular checkup at the doctor's office. And then I heard him say he tried to cut his hand off when he was at his dad's house, but a neighbor stopped him. That's when the doctor put him in the hospital. Now, he is on medication to deal with his depression. We both get counseling together with a therapist and separately we see different psychiatrists to help us both cope with everything. You don't say exactly how you caused him to flip out and get depressed again. But, I have learned that I wasn't the blame for my sons actions. I felt that it was my fault, that I had said the wrong thing to make him upset. He was depressed from not only his best friend committing suicide, he was getting pressure to do things from friends his age, alot of things was building up inside his mind that he couldn't cope with the world around him. Your friend may have already had problems built up inside that whatever you said may have just triggered past emotions. Not what you had said in that moment of time. You mentioned that everyone cuts ourselves, I'm sure that you meant that when we peel potatoes or apples, that sometimes we may cut our finger by accident. We don't purposely do it. The best advice I can give you is to stand by your friend because he needs all the support you can give him. I'm sure the doctors will give him medication to help his depression. It may take time for the meds to work, but you seem to like your friend very much. Even if you can go to a support group, which several places have free support groups to help cope with your friends depression and it may help you understand that it isn't your fault. Good Luck and if you need to talk to someone, you can get to my email by clicking my name. The email address is hidden.
127636
I am feeling for you today - I lost two people, unrelated back to back last Wed and Thursday..its been brutal its been one of the worse weeks of my entire life and I too am feeling..have I done enough?? And yes..I have...\n\nAll you can do is be there for him. Talk to him, or dont talk when he doesn't want to. You can call him and ask how he is doing, you can take him to dinner and take his mind off of it and give him a sense of normalcy and a few minutes of a reprieve from the sadness, you can bake a lasagna and bring it to his house so he doesn't have to worry about cooking..\n\nBut believe me - your friendship is enough. that you are caring and going through it with him..\n\nMy friend who lost his in utero baby at 5 months said to me..We are on the first rung of the grieving ladder - at the very top..and you are right behind us on the second..\n\ndamn straight I am..I'm holding their legs and keeping them steady on the first rung and will catch them if they go to fall...as will you with your friend.\n\nJust be there..its enough. take care and hang in there.
283516
Would this mother figure want you to go to great expense and trouble to visit her? If not, then do not attend her funeral. If your presence will not be missed by her family members, think about having a private remembrance time of your own (where you are) during her funeral. Your heart grieves for your loss and sometimes seeing the body you have loved one more time provides closure, but sometimes it deepens your sense of loss. \n\nIf you still feel compelled to attend, explain to your forever friend that you were tied to this woman in a way you were not tied to his parents. You were repaying a long-owed debt of love and loyalty to this woman.\n\nI'm sorry for your loss. I have dear ladies in my life and cannot fathom your pain.
312286
being friends doesnt mean being friends in good times, and then abandoning them in bad times. it sounds to me like you care about this person but are scared and confused. i too was in this situation not long ago with my best friend of 12 years. i stood by her side, even though i knew what she was doing wasn't right. to be a friend is to walk in when the rest of the world walks out on her. if she's endangering herself or doing something illegal (i.e having sex with an adult, having sex without using protection or a reliable birth control system), you should tell an adult--it may save her from getting STDs or becoming a victim of rape. do what you think you need to do, but i suggest be there for her. afterall, what are friends for? Good Luck
302987
Just stay by her side,when she is ready she`ll let you know.Right now the best thing you can do for her is just be there when she needes you.You sound like a great friend.
265812
in his/her grief, your friend would tend to tell stories about his/her mother. just listen to him/her talk. be patient.
388089
just be the freind you are be there for them to talk to cant always fix there problem but thats what freinds are for in that situtation to be there for them to talk too. hugs and jsut leting sit there and sob on your shoulder is all sounds like she needs right now is for you to be there to talk to
236307
You both are young. The death of a loved one at any age is hard. All the other answers says it all. You can't cheer her up. Nothing will at this time. You didn't say if she believed in God. But that is what is helping me right now.It was her Mom's time. It's sad that she had to go via car wreck. Let her cry. Here are some ideas that I have done and will do myself(I lost my 82 year old Mama in March this year). I planted a small flower garden in her memory. Nothing big or elaborate. My Mama loved flowers any and all. Her b-day is in a week. We still plan on having her a party.I'm getting helium balloons and we are going to write her a special message and let them go. We realize she won't get them, but hey-Who knows?? Just be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Let her remember her Mom. Remind her of something funny her Mom did. Don't let her dwell on the bad times that all mothers and daughters have. I can tell you; us Moms wouldn't want our children to remember those times. Sit down with her if she wants to look at pictures of her and her Mom in happier times. Some people will tell her thats the wrong thing to do. Maybe-Maybe not. God will help her.Have her read scriptures in the Bibles that will encourage her.Just be her friend.Her Mom is just a memory away.I'll be praying for you and her.You will have a rough road being her friend, her pain is yours. God Bless you for wanting to help her.
139560
That is such a painful experience she is undergoing right now ...I believe for you to be able to help her to get through with this is to be with her most of the time if not always in order for her to feel the caring of another human being which she needs badly as of the moment. She needs you to there when she would like somebody to talk to. With regards to the legals matters the police and the authorities will do their best to solve this problem. All you gotta do just remember is to stay as her bestfriend all this time. hope this helps yah.
298335
There are givers and takers in this world, sounds like you are a giver.  I had a true Friend and she died two years ago.  She always had my back, we always exchanged birthday and Christmas presents, with our entire Family, Husbands, and children.  We went on Vacations as a Family, and sometimes just She and I.  If I needed money she was there for Me, and if she needed money I was there for Her.  When I was in the Hospital, She was there, and when She was in the Hospital I was there with Her.  We talked almost everyday, a lot of times several times a day.  We would even hold the phone and watch Movies, or shows together.\nAnd when She became sick, I was there taking Her to Appointments, lifting the wheelchair in and out of the car, and We went to as many places as She felt like going to that day.  I miss Her everyday, and always will.\nThere are people in this world that will take all You will give them, and then move on, I have known a lot of those.  Pick Someone because they are right for You, not just because they are there.  See if they are consistent, and as caring about Your life.  A True Friend Always Has Your Back, and Will Come Running In a Second If You Need Them.  That is How You Can Tell.  Good Luck, It Doesn't Happen Often In Ones Life.  I Have Other Friends, But No One Like Her.  Good Luck
360169
You would probably want to tell your daughter that losing a family member is hard and difficult especially if they are very close, but being a good friend and show that you are a good friend is always a good route. She needs to understand that losing someone take time to settle in their life, that losing someone like a grandmother is hard and very unsettling, so it will not be quite normal for  a while. Tell your daughter to help her friend as much as friend could. For instance when my grand mother past away, all I wanted was to remember her and never forget her. So we did things she always liked when I was a child. ex: Polished her silver ware, planted flowers to remind me that she was always there. (built a photo frame for her picture) and painted rocks that had our names on it! It is good to remind them of all the good things that they did together. And tell her it will be hard and tuff, but if she feels like crying that she should always let it out and not be afraid too. It was hard as a child to lose a grandmother, but she's still very young at mind to understand all of it! May be this would help!
607407
My Grandma passed away 6 yrs ago on the 6th of July.......her Bday is June 30th......every yr since she has left.....I go to her gravesite....bring her fresh flowers & just sit for an hr or so....although some people would say I am bonkers.....I talk....I tell her everything....even though I know she is with me on a daily basis....& sees all that is going on....I still do this....it makes me feel like she is really there.....even though I walk away crying...& missing her even more....I know that it something we enjoyed together.....my Grandma was a VERY special woman....I miss her everyday & sometimes just break down & cry whenever I think of her.....I just thank god she was able to meet my daughter before she went....my son was 2 & my daughter was 1 when it happened.....Honey, I know it is hard when it is a Parent.....she was like a mom to me.....just go spend some time with him....pray & remember every good time....even remember the bad times.....just celebrate him.....GOD BLESS YOU in your time of need....
667273
Well, I've been away from my 5 best friends for about 2 (almost 3) years &, so far, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do...\n\nI left my home country (Cape Verde) to come live in the US...& the day I left was the saddest day of my life...It felt (& still does) like I lost a huge chunk of my own self...\n\nMy best friends & I have known each other since we were about 3 years old (which means that we've known each other for about 14 years now) & always lived in the same street...we used to do EVERYTHING together...wherever you saw one of us you'd be sure to see the other 5...we had the most beautiful relationship (we went on field trips almost every weekend; we used to throw lots of parties; we used to go to each other's family's beach houses regularly, etc.) , but since I moved, things have changed a lot!!!!\n\nAlthough we keep in touch with each other, it's just not the same...I feel sad all the time because now I have no friends (nearby) and spend my days either @ work, @ school and/or @ home (which is totally not me)\n\nI used to be really active, but now I really don't do much (just so you have an idea, I've never been to the movies nor to the beach here in the US, & things that I once enjoyed are just not as fun as they used to be)...but whenever I feel sad I think of the good times my friends and I had together...& although sometimes it makes me feel even sadder that I'm not with them, most of the time it works...\n\nI'm planning on going on vacation next year, but we'll see...\n\nBut you know, my being away from my friends & living in a totally different place has helped me realize how good of a life I used to have as well as it has helped me appreciate all the ppl in my life...