for 2 yrs. my husband has had a temper problem. Mistreating the kids and me. I can't do anything without his say so and i can't wear what i want. He is getting more and more hard hearted everyday. If i try to talk to him he gets defensive and asks me what my problem is. Now i am not in love with him and don't like being in his presents. i'm happy when he goes to work at night. i have the house to myself. I have 2 precious children that are 2 and 6 yrs. old and i want them to have the best life i can give them. What do u think i should do if i can't get rid of these bad feelings and not care anymore about him? i'm depressed and hate when bed time comes around. he thinks he has to have sex every night he's off work, 2 or 3 days in a roll. i dispise sex now. Oh, and he loves looking at porn on internet, doesn't believe in prayer or God. Didn't know that until lately. Please help, i'm lost and lonely and feel like giving up.
203907
Its sad to say it, but usually when porn comes into the mix, it means that others things are too. What if your kids see that? You sound like you really care about your kids...So before you do anything rash sit down and talk. Its funny to say, but communication is the key, get everything off of your chest and tell him how you feel..because then if things don't work out at least you will know that you tried...if you don't try you might always think...What if I made a huge mistake, by talking to him you will know for sure what to do and it wont be a suprise to him when you tell him. Do what is best for you and your kids, dont put you or your children in a possesion that you don't feel safe. You should never have to dread your husband coming home you should be able to enjoy your family. And the whole sex thing...How dare he think that after he treats you like that he can just have his way with you.... Sex is between a husband and wife and it is a very sacred and special thing it should not be used to make the other feel belittled. Good luck I really hope all goes well for you and your kids.
224766
Look, I am a fourteen year old kid and i have also had a pretty rough year, but let me tell you something, do not give up. This past year has been a struggle for me and my family, but once we found out the problems i was having, we were able to find the proper doctors and medication. I know that it seems tough right now, but you have to hang in there. Nothing is going to happen over night, but if you work hard anything is possible. Please trust me, if I could overcome my problems I am sure you can. As far as your job goes, you will have to make the choice whether or not to go back to school or live with what you have. Maybe it would be a good idea to go see a physiologist or psychiatrist to help work out your problems. Whatever you do, don't eat bad food just because you are depressed, or upset with something. Just say no to junk food. I also suggest that you spend more time with your son. Just remember that he will only be a baby once, so don't spoil that. No matter what always find time for you and your family. Bring your kid to the park or read books with him and always encourage him to do better. Never discourage him or ignore him, that will just make him feel bad, trust me I have a five year old brother. One day soon, sit down with your husband and discuss with him what you think the two of you should do in the future. I hope all of this helps and I wish you the best of luck.
10157
All you can do is be there and be supportive to him. I've dealt with this with my husband, and until he admits there is a problem, he won't seek help from a professional. It's a long, hard road to walk, but if you love him as much as I do my husband, you'll be there and listen. Make a suggestion to him that it isn't at all degrading to get help, be on meds to help him feel better. In todays society, a very large percentage of people are being treated for depression, anxiety, and panic disorders. It's normal due to the high stress we encounter every day! I'm not ashamed to admit that I take antidepressants on a daily basis. I feel better today than I have in years! Good luck in whatever you do! Here are a couple of good sites to look at.
512571
omg!!!! you have been sitting at home for the last 30 years, how did you do it, I take my hat of to you,how have you manged to stay sane........so now is the time for you to change, and get out there and do things, find a club, a women's club, look up a old friend, go to the movies, get your confidence back, get your life going again, i am sure you can do it, bet you have been the best wife ever, so know its your time. I think that your husband has been a bit mean, so you need to show him, that you are not going to put up with this any longer, and if he do sent start spending time with you, then you are going to make your own life, life is to short, and its a beautiful world out there, we just need to get out and find it.  There is nothing worse than feeling alone, even when you are married, its sad..........so sweetie get out there and do things, start of by going to the movies.........good luck and god bless.
140566
GreenGrasshopper,\n\nWow! 8 years! Many people don’t last that long without any real problems. First, I salute you, it is in doing the tough things well that we discover that God is real. Congratulations for being so loyal and loving.\n\nSecond, do something about it. If your husband doesn’t desire sexual pleasure, then don’t try to make him perform or enjoy it if he isn’t interested. You – on the other hand – are interested and there are other ways for him to satisfy you sexually without intercourse.\n\nIt’s an old movie and quite possibly before your time, but in “Coming Home” a paraplegic with absolutely no ability to perform sexually made Jane Fonda very satisfied. I’m not condoning adultery as the movie did, but my point is that your husband’s problem need not necessarily be your problem. If he loves you, as you love him, then he must be willing to do something to satisfy you sexually. It is his duty to do it. It is not the ideal way to enjoy sex to see it as a duty – it takes the fun out of it – but it is each partner’s joy and duty in a marriage to satisfy their mate.\n\nI think personally it would be hard for me not to be able to have children. You don’t mention that so I assume that it’s not a problem for you.\n\nI am happy that you are a Christian. It makes your life much easier in one sense. Talk to God honestly, and ask Him to fix it. He loves you, and He does not want you or your husband to suffer with this. Your husband must be demoralized and discouraged by his inability, too. Insist on change, and don’t quit until you see the change that you desire.\n\nI really suggest that you and your husband pursue this matter together. Go to the doctor with your husband. Go to a marriage counselor with your husband. Keep going and keep doing whatever it takes until you succeed. You have been a loving wife for a long time, and the way I see it this is being a loving wife, too.\n\nDivorce is horrible, and it is not the only solution. Do not quit until your problem is solved no matter how many doctors or psychologists it takes or how long. Just make up your mind that you are going to change the situation, and it will change.\n\nAgain, I really admire you for making the right choice and staying in your marriage.\n\nGod bless.
462016
well a hard question, but if you have tried everything and talked to your husband about how you feel and he wont change then its time to end it.\nbe careful the fact that he digrades you and belittles you publicly is often the early signs of an abusive man. he is on a power trip and whats you to feel bad about yourself and make you think everything that happens to go wrong is your fault. once he gets you comfortablw with the he may get physically abusive to you. or else he may threaten to or actually harm your children. \nbe careful and make a plan for your exit. once you make up your mind you need to follow through and leave and don't ever look back\nif you want to talk to someone you can email me. ive been there and im out now.
436520
Oh, Hon.  This is a BIG one.  We have several issues here.  First, porn should ALWAYS be a problem.  You see, if men would stick to a couple of mags a month, no problem, but that is not the case.  You see, porn is a slow poison.  First he does it every once in a while and then before you know it, it consumes him.  He will tell you he does not look at it that often, it is most likely a lie.  Porn addictions are just as bad as crack additions.  It is VERY hard to break.  Not impossible, but VERY hard.  With this addiction he is taking time away from you and your kids to fulfill his selfish needs.  We he looks at porn, it is mentally cheating on you.  \n\nYou are right, when you leave home, it will only get worse.  He will neglect the kids so that he can sit in front of the computer for hours looking at naked women.  The kids will eventually see him doing it.\n\nYou know there was a situation like yours that was recently in the news.  Sarah Evans (Award winning country star and contestant on this season's Dancing with the Stars) had to leave the Dancing with the Stars completion because her husband has a porn addiction and their young son walked in on him watching pornographic materials.  Her son was devastated.  She dropped out of Dancing with the Stars because she had to take care of her son.  \n\nWhat I am trying to say here is, you children will suffer because of this addiction.  Not only will they be neglected, they will be hurt if they run into this material.\n\nThis porn addiction is about to be kicked up a notch because he is going to go crazy when you are not home.  He will be like a kid in a candy store.  He will have free reign to watch all the porn he wants.\n\nIf you are strong enough to take the computer from him, then do it.  It is not about you trying to be controlling (which any addict will call you if you try to stop them from indulging in their addiction), it is about you taking care of your kids even when you are not at home.\n\nBe warned your husband will eventually want more than the porn, he is going to want to start touching what he is seeing. It is called natural progression.  He has a bad habit that will only get worse.  \n\nYou and your kids do not deserve this.  You are going to be out there busting your butt for your family.  You need and deserve the security of knowing that your kids are not going to be ignored while you are at work.  You also need to know that you man is being faithful to you in EVERY way while you are gone for the day.  He needs to be faithful to you, mentally, emotionally and physically.\n\nBy the way, children are very impressionable.  They stay innocent for such a short a time.  They don’t need to walk in on their father indulging his fantasies with a computer screen, if you get my meaning.  He is getting aroused by the porn, and he is going to want release.  This could be at a time that your kids need him for something and that will really upset him.\n\nTake the computer if you can or if you don’t need it for work, cut the internet connection (but most likely he has downloaded a lot of stuff and saved it somewhere on your computer).  He needs to get into some counseling. So do you.  His porn watching has had to have some effect on you and your self-esteem.  Try one or two sessions.  Just talk to someone.  Nothing is worst than having the man you love constantly watching other women.  Even if it is only on a computer screen.  I wish you the best and God bless.
325960
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
578704
I think you already know.  You are not happy in this marriage, your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all.   You don't see any way to get him to change and you don't want to live this way.  I don't like to recommend divorce but if all you say is true than I think that would be the best thing if you want a happy future for yourself.
510953
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
389098
i think that there is nothing wrong with expecting him to stop.  i suffer with the same problem.  and it IS a trust issue.  especially when they say they will stop.  i find my husband to be more aggressive in bed since the start of it.  it does effect me.   though i may not have an answer for you, i would like to give you some peace of mind that you are not alone.  and i do not think you deserve to feel the way you do.  marriage should be based on respect!  there isn't an excuse for it.  its dirty and i do not think that you are over-reacting.  so don't pay any attention to the negative feed-back telling you that you are and that you should just accept that your marriage isn't everything that you want it to be.  it can be but you BOTH have to be willing to work at it.  maybe talk to him about why he feels he needs to do it.  and meet him half way.  i hope that helps you!!  be positive.  you are deserving of so much!
557181
Just because you don't have sex everyday doesn't mean that theres something wrong with your marriage. If you want the physical enjoyment to last longer, why not start with some forplay. And if he's too tired to do the work then ask him if you could ride him. Also there are books out there that you could look at. And theres plenty of toys and creams out there too. I even seen a swing built just for sex.
282556
Ah, I am sorry to hear how much this is upsetting you, and I feel sorry for him as well. I wish I had a crystal ball to look into and find out what's really going on here. Something's fishy. \n\nAt the start of many sexual relationships, the lovemaking is hot! It's natural for sex to wane over time and you two were very busy. I sense that there's an undercurrent you need to ferret out, as it seems that he is flat-out avoiding sex with you. \n\nAsk yourself some basic questions: when did things change? Was there an incident that you can remember? Has there been a gradual decline? Has putting on weight, having children, a change in income/earnings or something like that happened? \n\nAs for the importance of this to your relationship, although national studies have shown disparate results, sex is not usually the number one issue in saving a marriage. However, if it's a top need for you and it compounds your feelings of inadequacy, erodes your self-esteem, makes you feel unloved or affects your ability to feel good about yourself in general, then it's time to have a serious heart-to-heart with him. Be gentle when you talk about it and try to understand what's bothering him. After that, you may need to seek professional help either together or alone — or give him up in the end.
665884
I personally have nothing against porn.  But it does sound like your husband truly is addicted and that is bad.  What is worse is even if you could force him to give up the porn he would likely shift his addition to something else. Plus the addition means he's not dealing with his life stress well, most likely because he doesn't have the right tools.\n\nIn the end you can't make him do anything.  But I would recommend you see if you can get him to go to a support group.  They might better handle his problem then just a therapist does. Especially if the doc doesn't even know the real problem.  But if he goes to a support group, he'll be openly admitting to the problem.  And it sounds like he really needs that first step before you two will get anywhere.\n\nI would also suggest you seek out a support group of your own, even if you husband won't go.  Most likely your own therapist could recommend a local group, may even have local groups you can encourage your husband to go to.
572271
At least part of what you should do is wait. I'm a man. All men want to leave progeny. It is a biological imperitive. It sounds like he's just jealous. I hope to God your 9 month old isn't shunned by your new husband.\n\nMen want kids (whether they admit it or not--see, there's a macho component to "siring" off-spring, it is medieval, outgrown). \n\nSome argue that humans, like other mammals, will only care for, really care for, their own kids-- with their genes. I don't buy this. All of us alive today share genes. It's one family, for real.\n\nBut this guy may be trying to incite a kind of hurt in you (he's succeeding) because it hurts him that he didn't father the 3/9 month old. Get it? But he'll come around! I promise.\n\nI don't get why he did this either, if he knew about the 3-month old-he went back on his promise. Is he compulsive? Are you wealthy with your own money? People are not logical most times. That's why "game theory" doesn't work at the Pentagon or on Wall Street. We do things for neurotic, maybe self-destructive reasons. Maybe you need outside help. A marraige counselor, a shrink or two. \n\nDid anything change? Did he meet someone else? Think about that kind of thing. How long did you know him before marrying him, 2 1/2 months. Or maybe 3???? If so, that's not long enough. Is your Mom still alive? She'd be angry at you. Oh, I just got it:\n\nHe thinks you married him ONLY so he'll take care of your child from another person. You need a breadwinner, or at least two bread winner's, to raise a kid these days, so you married him solely so as to care for, pay for, your child.... I bet that is it. Still, you guys had wanted kids've your own, which makes it all even and ok. So there's something missing from your question. Btw, I'd get to a shrink about that depression. True major depression is crippling and life-threatening. Use words with care. True depression (clinical sense) is endogenous, of the body and heritable. So be careful.\n\nRemind the guy that one doesn't use one's kid(s) as "weapons" to fight the spouse with... which everyone does anyway. There's more to this: you've left out or I missed something critical. But here's the general deal:\n\nFirst, wait patiently. He'll change his mind again. He wants kids, we all do (us guys). If he doesn't change in, say, 6 months, he's got or having a kid with someone else I'd bet. Ask. If so he'll be a financial mess I shd think.\n\nAlso: tell him all about what it means to be a Dad, really be a Dad; and that, yes, you want HIM, you chose him, to be this child's Dad.\n\nTell him every damn day. For a month at least.\n\nFinally, use sex as a weapon if you have to. Be creative. You know what he likes? Use that knowledge to give it to him, if you love him.\n\nHey, how to change the mind of the most stubborn guys, even in the Bible, that vixen got Sampson to cut his hair.... (Delilah, now I recall.) Making him weak (impotent). The story is saying that civilizing a man takes some of his power away. That hurts him.\n\nSo get ready to remind him, in about one month:\nBeing a Dad, in reality, is much more than biological parenting and soccer practice. Anyone can do that. It's raising a bright, well-adjusted (whatever that means) young adult, few can do that. Too few.\n\nAnd, as mentioned, all human beings are related, so for goodnes' sake, what is the difference. OK, there is a difference. But in the past, we didn't know there's only one species of human. Mapping Human History, a new trade paperback in the popular science section of the bookstore, does a great job explaining this. \n\nI can see cuckoldry really hurting a guy. But not more. So why'd he marry? Why'd you marry. Good luck. PS: Do you have a sister or girlfriend he likes--be careful--its there or at work that you could lose him to another wom
43696
I just had  baby, so I know what you mean with the weird hormone stuff. What I found works is to find a time to talk to him when you are not PMSing. Find a way for him to nicely let you know that you are making him mad/sad. Make sure that you won't be insulted or hurt by the way that he tells you. ie: don't say shut up/ your a b**** or anything like that. Then take a moment to go to another room, even if it's just the bathroom and breathe. Don't think about it and try to relax, meditate, or whatever works for you. After you have taken a bit of time away, you will probably feel better and be able to see the situation in a whole new perspective. This will also prevent you from further hurting your husband's feelings.
249722
My heart breaks for you. You seem so sad and confused.\n\nSpeaking from experience, blending families is not easy. My husband had 1 son living with him and I had 2 when we got married. And the fur did fly often in the early years. I think part of what kept us trying is that we each came from a failed first marriage and truly wanted this one to work. We even went for family counseling. That helped. I'm thinking that you and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you still have enough feelings for each other that if you can get through this you'll find you have a much stronger relationship. I honestly don't think you can do it without professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself. If nothing else it will help you sort out your own feelings.\n\nAlso, pour out your heart to God. He loves you and your husband very much. He wants to be your strength, to comfort and guide you. Beliefnet.com has this (and many others) prayer for your marriage:\n\nBless Our Relationship  \n\nDear God,\nYou have defined my desire: to be of immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort.\n\nI want to honor my spouse--and you--through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me. \nAmen. ~~~ Heather Kopp  |  Source: "God's Little Book of Guarantees for Marriage" \n\nI know you are hurting and wondering if it can be fixed. I believe it can, as long as you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair your marriage. I pray that you both are willing. God bless you both.\n\nP.S. We've been married almost 20 years. The kids are grown with families of their own. We are more in love than ever. I hope you can say this in 2 decades.