please help me. i never seen my father so happy . when he is with my mother he acts like a jack ass.
206724
If you love your mother you would tell her plain and simple.  She gave birth to you and brought you into this world at least give her respect and the curtesy of knowing the truth!
505712
It's hard to like a parent like that. Sure you love them because they're the person that brought you into this world but your mom sounds self absorbed and miserable. Not much you can do about that and definitely don't take it personally. SHE has the problem.Shes too wrapped up in her own self to take notice of you and the sad thing is that that kind of behavior is HER loss.Keep the phonecalls short put a timer on in your kitchen when you know you're going to talk to her.Feel free to interupt her  and start talking about your own life whether you think she's interested in it or not.You weren't put on the earth only to service her needs. If she sounds lonely make brief suggestions for her to join some groups or other practical solutions to her problems.If she starts up with the same old stuff again the next time that you talk to her interupt her and tell her that she already told you about that and you want to know when she's going to do something about it.It might sound mean but it's really not.Not allowing her to go on and on is being kind to yourself and it forces her to  get the fact that you're not willing to listen to her if shes not willing to try to make the effort to solve her own problems.Good luck...
578967
This man does not respect you - I suspect he doesn't respect your mom either, since he hasn't changed his behavior after she talked to him. You cannot teach him to respect people, but you can make him respect you. Sometime when nothing is going on and things are completely calm (and he is sober) you need to approach him about this. Do not attack him and start an argument. Just let him know that you realize that he and your mom may well be together for some time, and you'd like to be able to reach some sort of common ground to make things better for everyone. Reassure him that you are never trying to disrespect him, and would happy if he would do the same. The fact that you are approaching the situation in such a mature fashion will make him realize how immature he is acting. Have a discussion with the man and really be honest about how he is making you feel. If he is unreceptive to all this it is time to talk to your mom. Try not to complain or whine to her, but be just as mature as you were with him. It does not matter if she gets put in the middle - she is your mother, and that's her job.
451871
I don't know really what to tell you.. have you talked to him about this?? I am a father myself... and I know often times I may seem to be preoccupied or not generally paying attention... sometimes people may just be under a great deal of stress... maybe it's hard for him being so far from home for so long... I wouldn't assume that he doesn't want to spend time with you... I don't know him personally... but I know with my kid... I can't think of anything I'm more proud of... I can't imagine that your father is much different... I'm sure he loves you... maybe talking to him about this would be a good start...
643427
Ok, my girlfriend and I are going through the exact same thing. Just keep seeing the guy. Talk to your mom about it. Make her understand that while you understand her and respect her opinion, that this is the guy you love, and then ask her if her parents had told her to stop seeing your father if she would have... That worked when I talked to MY gf parents. \n\nBest of Luck
602153
I understand your problem and I think that no matter how much you talk to him thing are not going to change unless he wants too do it all on his own.  And since moving out isn't an option at the moment I suggest you find something to do with your time other than staying at home.  Like finding a job or going to school (assuming your not doing it already)  Going to the library or donating your time to charities.  Something you enjoy.  I know you love your family but YOU are 20 and you need to start making a life of your own Maybe when he sees what your doing he'll start appreciating you better.  As for your real dad start writing to him get that job and save up to go visit.  Where there is a will there is a way.  Good luck at what ever you do.
636453
you need a hug.\n\nyou sound like your mom didn't love you enough, or did your daddy not love you engouh.\n\nThis cry for help is very brave.
563867
Either live with your real mom or try to satisfy her until you are old enough to move out.\n\nAlso, calmly talk to your father about it.  Tell him how it makes you feel and if you can, try to get all of you into a group therapist.
656993
You know you and I are in the boat, but it's my mother who's in my way. I wish she could feel more secure, so I could have more freedom; especially the chance to go abroad. I think your father is the one who feels insecure, so he wants to be in your way. Maybe you can try to take him out with you when you're not going on a date. Hope my suggestion helps. Good luck and best wishes.
168321
One thing is because your mother allows this man to treat her this way. Really there isn't a thing you can do except love your mom. She needs you more now than before. She will come to terms that he is doing something that is harmful to her and hopefully before it is to late...N
398146
Keep on studying, dude.  I don't mean to offend you in any sort of way, but clearly your father doesn't know shite when it comes to hard work, and it shows through his belittling of your mother.  If you're just like your mom, then your mom must have been one determined chick (so in a way, that's more of a compliment).\n\nLooking on the positive side, your dad's snickering and talking down to you could be his only way of encouraging you.  If he's the big, bad, 'gotta be tough all of the time and not show love' type, he knows nothing about how to treat his son, thus he naturally emotes what comes to mind first.\n\nGet involved with scholarships in your high school.  You'd be surprised how many people and organizations LOVE to give out free money for college...  I know I sure as hell was.\n\nP.S. - Though I'm sorry to hear that your mom is no longer with you, know that (just like you) she was smart and got the hell away from your dad.\n\nEmail me if you'd like.  I know a lot about this kind of thing.
402100
I know that feeling all too well. . .same boat, only I have two boys and my guy. . .well lets just say he's not the hero I'd love to say I have standing up for his country in Kuwait. . .(actually we're not even an official couple anymore) So. . .feel blessed to know that you are loved and you love for starters ( : \nIn any event. . .I think that your father's situation is unfortunate and I can relate having a similar friendship with both of my parents who have had their share of trials and tribulations. . .What my advice is to you. . .Sweetie you work hard, you raise a daughter with the weight of the world, missing your man, balancing your family wanting to do all you can to make their lives better. . .you deserve to spend your holiday happy, with your friends, enjoying a break from NY and the cold weather. . . But, since you can't very well go there and have real fun worrying that you have done something terrible to your father. . .have a Christmas with him and his household ahead of time and let him know your fellings so he can see what a blessing it is that you will have the opportunity on this time away to relax and enjoy life for all it has to offer surrounded by friends and in the warm sunshine of California ( : \nI can tell from what you said here. . . .it is truly what he would want for you. I will keep him and his troubles in my thoughts and hope for the best results everyday. . .\n\nsome days i sit, \n\nstarin out my window, \n\nwatchin this world pass me by, \n\npeople make jokes cause they dont understand me, \n\nthay just dont see my real side, \n\nsomtimes i think im crazy im crazy oh so crazy, \n\nwhy am i here am i just wastin&#92;' my time, \n\nbut then i see my baby sud-denly im not crazy, \n\nit all makes sense when i look into her ey-es, \n\n\n\n*chorus* \n\nsometimes it feels like the worlds on my shoulders, \n\never-yones&#92;' leanin&#92;' on me,and sometimes it feels like, \n\nthe world&#92;'s almost over but she stays with me \n\n\n\ni look at her starin at her picture, \n\nlookin at her amazing gaping brown eyes, \n\nwe talk bout sex and it almost already feels good, \n\nim happy just knowin were alive, \n\nwe&#92;'ve faced tough trials and tribulations, \n\nhard fights an even had a tough rough ride through degradation, \n\nbut our love always seems to survive, \n\nmy friends they call me crazy,am i crazy?only may-be \n\nthey just dont see the love thats entered my life, \n\nand i talk to my baby theres no question im not crazy, \n\nit all makes sense when i look into those eyes\n\nPeople understand in their own way. . . .we all feel it from time to time. . . \n\nLet the world go for a few days. . .it will be great for everyone involved ( ;\n\n\n\n\n\nNatalie- tried to get in touch with you but, it says you are not accepting messages. . .I'm fory_secret@yahoo.com if you wanna e-mail & talk ( : \n\nBy the way: Eminem . . . he sang that (wow right?!?!?)
612862
Sounds like your dad needs to grow up.
565992
Don't feel guilty about what happens to him if you're unhappy.  You're carrying too much weight on your shoulders.  Worry about yourself.  You should not take pity if you want to end something clean.  Besides, you are not his mother.
167896
I know you love him...and you want to help him and see him happy...but you are meddling where you have no place. A mans love life is his ... let him control it himself. All we mothers can do is be there to help them pick up the pieces.
664841
Sounds like you have a pretty good idea of how she is. Unfortunately our mothers don't always act how "they're supposed to". Good luck hon.
260528
I have the same problem with my family.  It got to the point where I wasn't even talking to my own mother.  You need to tell them that this is what makes YOU happy.  Maybe you can slowly start bringing him around (for dinners, b-days, etc).  This will show them what type of guy he is.  Most importantly, they need to see that he is a real person, not just a "black male."  Have him send your mom flowers or something-- just to show her how sweet he can be.  Don't sacrifice your love for their ignorance.  Good luck!