Me and my husbnd have known each other for long time, we have had great sex in the past, we have only been married 4 years now and the sex has been limited, we still have great sex just not the way it should be, he tells me he loves me, he kisses me all the time but when it comes to sex, he can do for me but I don't seem to be doing for him, he says he gets just as much from making me happy if you know what I mean but I just can't seem to do enough for him to get it up, I have tried everything, he has even tried meds but nothing, I know he looks at porn on te computer and on the tv but it is when I am asleep so I don't know if that is doing anything for him either, I am willing to do anything, and have tried everything I can think of, I want to know if I just don't turn him on any more or am I being paranoid
207186
I hope you're still reading answers.  This is more common than you probably think.  Dr. Phil did an entire episode on this and has an entire section on his website.  After reading many psychology and relationship books and going to 4 years of therapy plus couples counseling with some very renound doctors in Los Angeles, I realized how many people have issues with intimacy.  Sex is intimacy.  Many men result to porn because there is a disassociation with having to get really intimate.  They can just get to the point.  In most societies, men aren't taught how to become intimate (vulnerable).  It's viewed as a weakness.  Only in relationships through a strong women's leadership does a man learn a lot of those behaviors.  I don't think your problem is physical as much as it is emotional and mental.  The categories we fall into as far as priorites are the following: for men it's Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual.  For women it's Emotional, Mental, Physical, Spiritual.  you can see that we are clearly programmed different.  The key is trying to find a good balance.  Trying to get in touch with each other's vulnerabilities.  I totally disagree with the comment of look at it with him.  That only distances you more.  Not an option.  You have to gently lead him and teach him (without him realizing he's being taught) how to get into the mental and emotional part of intimacy (sex).  You can do this several ways:  when you're NOT in bed, ask him "what was the worst thing an old girlfriend did to you?"  this gives you insight into his fears or insecurities and then acknowledge that that couldn't have been easy for him.  Second: what do you like most about sex?  Really important to pick up clues here.  He will either describe very physical things OR things like "I like to see you naked, I like to touch, I like this, that".  This says that he is in touch with the mental-good!  And learn to play on those likes.  Also, do not feel ashamed to say "listen, I have to say that it bothers me when you look at porn because I feel inadaquate as a women, I feel like I'm not good enough, I feel threatened that I can't measure up and I'd really like you to stop".  The Harville Hendrix book (NY Times best seller and on Oprah all the time) is a fabulous book.  changed my life, Oprah's and many others!!!
317580
It seems like you want sex more when you can't get it.  It sounds like he is using that as an excuse.  I have never heard of a man getting bored with sex.  Talk to him and if you can live without the sex stay with him, if not kick him to the curb.
164242
My husband had this problem before he was with me. Boy, was he surprised when we had sex the first time and he came, lol. My husbands problem was trust, so when he found someone he could trust he relaxed and now we have a wonderful sex life. I know this probably doesn't help you but at least you know there is hope, right?
393311
Well im in the same situation but my man tells me im a sex maniac,,,,that might be true but i have needs to when i want it i should be able to get it.  He says because we live together he doesnt want to do it all the time because things will get old fast. Well i dont agree...if he tried to change things up....which i would love to try new things there wouldnt be an issue. Im tired of initiating sex all the time,,,im 5 yrs older than him,,so whats his problem?? He cant keep up with me,,it gets very frusturating,,,i know exactly how you feel. All i can say is back off him for awhile and see how he likes it,,he will start to think somethings wrong then wont he??? Dont pay it any mind for awhile....take care of yourself until he gets the hint. Me being a very sexual person it really aggravates me. And no hes not cheating because we are always together when we arent working. We love eachothers company,,,but he says our relationship isnt all about the sex....grrr i know that but dam give me what i want.
47758
Oh you too hah sista girl.   I agree with Malfean,....deep within (and if you are honest with yourself), you would like to know what it would be like to experience a sexual encounter with this individual you're fantasizing about. Been there and came damb close; however, I've realized that.... this was all I pictured him for (sex and a little intimatcy....hugging - kissing)....there was nothing else....no visions of hangging with friends together, walking in the park, dinner and the movies, sitting up together on the sofa having good dilogue about whatever, bringing the paycheck home to you (hello..).... it was just sex, good sex, more sex and sex....I tried picturing doing other things with him and the imaganation didn't go that far....why???.....well, your soul mate (and that's your husband) have and will probably always supply you with those little things that truely matters. The things mentioned above (hangging together..etc.) will go farther than a good quick fix in the sack. I know it's just fantacy...but sometimes you have to see it for what it truely is...you'll realize it means nothing...so let it go.\n \nNow sometimes our spouses becomes less attractive to us over the years depending on how much they have let themselves go in appearance or how lazy and boring they may have become,...so we fantasize about someone who is just the opposite of your spouse; however, I've learned that if I'm to be in this thing 'til death do us part', I benefit more by talking to him (my spouse) about what we can do to make daily interaction with each other more exciting.... therefore, bring that excitement to the bedroom later on.....\n\nGirrrrllll...look at me giving advise about something I need to work on myself....but non the less, I know it's what I need to do to keep thoughts of other men out of my head when I'm with my husband. (Oooh, I did say other MEN hah....ummm...I mean that man...)..SMILE!!!!.... It's working though.\n\nSo good so far. It may get tough at times, but keep your interaction with each other positive and exciting...laugh a lot...it helps.
517337
Wow...my husband could have wrote this...\n\nI have been married seven years (have two children ages 6 and 2) and have become separated (haven't filed for divorce yet)...for me the sex was always bad (and I do love it...which is something he would never believe).  I will say you do a lot more than he ever did but it doesn't sound like you guys are going down the right path...you are not doing anything wrong, it is her.  I know you love her but you have to stop most of the things (the dates, flowers, etc...) they are just a waste right now...she is a full time housewife so the fact that she is not even cleaning etc... sound to me she might be depressed (how is she with the kids)...she sounds like me almost 100% (I should mention that I work FULL TIME...always did since my kids were 3 months old both) but instead of watching tv till 1am I would rather play poker or be on the computer (which pisses him off)...for him I am always tired he says, but when it comes to other people or things he says I have energy...which I guess is true.  \n\nYou're gonna have to sit her down and have a really good talk with her or go for some marriage counseling before it is too late...\n\nE-mail me if you want to talk...
428393
He just doesn't want it to get boring.  I get scared of the same thing b/c I do want sex all the time with my man.  I LOVE HIM!  But you just have to talk with him and give it time.  Maybe they dated a long time and that's why he was comfortable doing crazy sex scenes with her.  Your time will come.  OKAY?
582686
2 things can be going on.\n\n1. He is a real player, (unlike most guys who claim they are) and he's getting to know your mentals. I myself do the same thing, try to appear to be diffrent, not really pushing sex, ECT. (My Pimp Card taken for telling you this but...) A real pimp aint after sex in the 1st place because women want sex just as much as we do. He wants to know her mind, because if you control a woman's mind her Body will follow. If you have sex with a woman before you control her mind, you Are not pimping. You just been what old pimps call "Georgia-ed" that means you no longer have the upper hand because the P**** got you hooked.\n\n2. He may be experiencing true love. As a Dr. of Love I belive a man only experiences tru love 1 time in his life maybe twice if he's lucky.  All the ones in between are just protocal. Just stay sweet and he will too. however, Beware of the title. Once you give a man a title of Boyfriend or Husband we do tend to change, So stay on top of your S**t. Good Luck
132312
Looks like your letting how you feel confuse you to how things really are. Seems like your husband tries hard to let you know he appreciates you, at least from what it sounds like.\n\nIt sounds to me like you are insecure about your weight, and that you veiw yourself as unattractive. You are trying to solve the problem without, when the problem is within. No ammount of encouragement from your husband will help you unless you make up your mind to be encouraged. It sounds to me like he loves you dearly, finds you very attractive, and wants you very much in his life. Don't let your feelings lie to you and tell you otherwise. It seems to me like you are interperating things from him that he doesn't really feel, because that is really how you feel. It's not him that thinks you are fat and ugly, but you are afraid he does. Again, from what you've told me, I'm fairly sure he thinks just the opposite!\n\nNow, if part of the problem is, as you said above, that he isn't more interested in sex, don't nessisarily look to yourself as the cause. He may be busy at work, which leaves him tired and stressed at night. He may have some difficulties in that area, perhaps something clinical. You should both sit down and talk about this, together, and be patient with him, not nagging, whiney, or demanding, but letting him know how you feel, and listening to his side patiently.\n\nIf you are contributing to this part of the problem at all, it is probably from your insecurity, not your looks. If you feel ugly, and act like you feel ugly, you will make yourself seem less attractive. Don't keep thinking of yourself as unnattractive! Remember that your husband loves you, he wouldn't likely have married you if he didn't think you are attractive! Be confident, quit looking at what you think are your flaws, and concentrate on what makes you attractive. Think of yourself as attractive, and you will BE more attractive simply by how you act from it.\n\nI hope and pray everything works out well, and God bless!
157712
If he likes to watch porn than let him. Just because you're married to him doesn't mean that you should jump right in and change his habits. Maybe you're not doing a variety of things with him that arouses him. If you just lay there, that gets boring. Try some new things and act and dress up. Spice things up a bit! I do a variety of things and my boyfriend barely watches porn anymore, but sometimes it's fun to watch it together to make it more exciting. It depends on you and what you like too. Just ask him what he'd like and tell him what you'd like. Just trying to help. I was in the same situation. I'm into them now, and it can get addicting. Hope this helps.
666398
Why are you so upset? He is not hiding it from you,\nso no dirty secrets. Ask him if you can watch with him.\nMaybe the male version of this. You both could have some\nlaughs and fun together.\nWhat do you mean by "Our sex life is regular".\nMaybe it should be less regular and a bit more "Off the wall"\n"Regular" is boooooring! Let him try some of the stuff he\nsees on his computer and maybe you could come up with \nsomething new or naughty too - could be more fun \nfor both of you and not soooooo regular. \nMake LOVE not WAR!!!!
463534
I can tell you that he is cheating. If he is looking at porn, when you two are having sex he is not thinking of you. When you look at those images, you are in total control over everything that happens. You also have no commitment to them and you are not exposed to being vulnerable. But , when you are with a real women you have to take the time to understand them and what they desire, you have to emotionally connect with another person, and after that they are still there you don't just turn them off. I think there are probably other underlying factors about his emotional state that he chooses to look at porn to medicate. You need to decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life or not.
557181
Just because you don't have sex everyday doesn't mean that theres something wrong with your marriage. If you want the physical enjoyment to last longer, why not start with some forplay. And if he's too tired to do the work then ask him if you could ride him. Also there are books out there that you could look at. And theres plenty of toys and creams out there too. I even seen a swing built just for sex.
530097
I understand he might have fears about the baby, but other than that, I'm confused.  My husband actually requests more sex when he's stressed out.  It relaxes him.  I think he's being selfish personally.
178201
Sex is very important in mine and my husbands relationship . I will be honest and say for two weeks we have not had sex or talked much about anything and we always had talked before . After my husband went to  work today I emailed him and asked him what was going on . He says he's been tired and under a lot of stress at work and has a lot of stress because his brother lost his kids . I have been so sad the past week just because I didn't feel loved or wanted . After he talked to me about what was going on I felt a lot better but sex helps people feel more loved and wanted . To me sex and talking is a big part of a relationship .\n\nAngel
140538
another way for him to express his love is to respect u enough to wait until ur married to have sex.\n\nif he's not willing to wait, then he is only interested in sex and ur better off without him, even if u think u cant survive without him.\n\nu have to ask him is he's willing to wait for u bcos that's the decision u have made. if he;s not willing then u have to move on. there;s no other way around it.\n\ndont get forced into anything u dont want. dont sleep with him just to keep him, bcos if sex is all he wanted he will leave after he gets it.
37360
It sounds like you really want some sex.  Just ask him if something is wrong.