My young son told me that his father had been doing inappropriate things with/to him? I reported it to the proper authorities and they gave him supervised visitation.  This visitation was over night with a family member. While it was trying to be resolved the authorities suggested I get him counseling because he would not tell anyone else anything. I took him to get counseling and his father refused to sign the release papers for treatment. Therefore no counseling. We went back to court the supervised visitation was dismissed and the father was told he had a week to sign the papers or find a counselor himself.  It has now been two weeks and nothing has been signed. How do you protect your children? Why aren't court more proactive instead of reactive? I am terrified that my son will be hurt to keep him from talking and the courts are up holding his father that has already threatened to kill himself and his child.
217762
Unfortunately the courts in this country favor the accused when it comes to justice. A personal thought, you may want to keep a journal on hand so that you can keep all incidents, such as his remarks towards killing himself, on file. Just have the date/time, explanation of incident. This may help should you need to go through a major trial or anything of that nature.\nI'd keep pulling strings, piss some people off, get a lawyer working along side of you. If the lower courts refuse to do anything, I'd take it to higher courts.
563450
Kids need to be protected.  No matter how much your friend is hurting, I hope they haven't told the child.  They need to be in a good place where they can support the child and his feelings of shock, grief and betrayal.\n\nI really hope your friend is in counseling.  He needs someone to work through his anger and betrayal with, without it affecting his entire family.\n\nI was 36 when I found out that my mother had led a double life for most of my childhood.  It was still a great shock to me, and it disrupted my life.   The worst of it, though, was that my parents wanted me to take sides and mediate their relationship.\n\nChildren have a tendency to feel guilty for what their parents feel, even when it has nothing to do with them.  Since the boy is biologically someone else's, this could be devastating to him if it's not handled well.\n\nI still think individual counseling as well as family therapy should be pursued.  This is really tough.  I'm hoping the best for them all.
34874
Yes, you have to get a lawyer.  The fact that you don't feel safe around him or feel your child is safe hints at a serious issue.  The main reason for a lawyer though is to ensure that your kid is taken care of.  There is no way that you can do that on your own without help.
273556
I would have him investigated. Seriously talk to people who really know him. Maybe he's just trying to ease his guilt of being a deadbeat dad for 7 yrs. What ever his intentions are he is not doing it for your child. I've never seen a child that could not sense good intentions in an adult, they are very perceptive. Your right in being concerned. Talk to your attorney. about keeping him away...and I would not put his name on her  birth certificate. That is something she will have her whole life. Doesn't sound like she would like to see his name anywhere near hers.
591952
You said this just started and for no apparent reason. Maybe it is just that you have no clue to the reasoning behind it. I am not saying he is justified in treating you like crap or doing things in front of the children that he shouldn't but there has to be a reason for it. Have you tried asking him what is going on. Maybe something has happened and for what ever reason he can't or doesn't know how to share this with you so in turn his actions is a result of what ever is really bothering him. You have made it clear you won't put up with this so stress this to him again that if he can't share with you what is going on you can't try to help him with it but that he isn't going to take it out on you either. He needs to make the choice as to what to do and then you can choose what to do based on how he feels. I really feel for you hun as something happened to my ex husband and he thought he would become physical with me until I told him he would die before he hit me again and of course the final results was I left. I couldn't fix something that I had no clue as to what was going on and I was not going to be hit on or abused in any other way either. I hope he comes around before you leave him but do what is best for you and the children hun!!.
459529
If he ever threatens you with bodily harm or anything, file for a restraining order or protective order.  Given his criminal history, it may be possible for him to only be allowed court supervised visitation of the child.  You were right to demand that he only see the child during the court oredered visitation.  Do not feel one bit guilty about that.  As for the money, if the child is old enough to listen to what he says, the child is old enough to listen to what you say as well.  Tell the child that the money is what he is required to pay for supporting his child and it is not stolen, but is his responsibility to pay so you can feed the child.  That is honest.  Don't bad-mouth the father to the child.  Just state the facts without emotion.  Kids are pretty smart and can put it together. :o)\n\nDo be careful.  You might consider making sure you have good locks on your home and keep it locked all the time to protect yourself.  The law is on your side, so stick to it.  Don't play his game.  I told my ex that I wasn't his wife anymore and didn't have to fight with him, but that he could contact my attorney and/or the state child support office.  They get paid to deal with him so I don't have to.  You don't have to fight with your ex either.\n\nIf he ever threatens you bodily in any way.... take legal action immediately.  Do not hesitate to call the police and file a protective order.  We all have heard the horror stories of what twisted men do to women they supposedly "loved" at some point.  Be careful and use wisdom.\n\nBest Wishes,\n\nSue
130793
Yes, you need to start keeping a journal of everything that happens.  It will be invaluable when you go to court.  Do this until your child turns 18.  Every missed visitation, missed child support payment, phone call, stupid thing he says to your child...EVERYTHING.  Start now!\n\nBut, the bad news is, 3 months isn't long enough to do much.  YOu need to start by filing a complaint about him not paying child support.  You can get a lawyer, but that's expensive.  My suggestion would be to either go to the court and file yourself, or call DSS/CSD/Whatever it is where you are.  Often they will help you, and once they get involved, they will take care of it until your child turns 18.\n\nOnce he gets in trouble for not paying child support, then you need to go back to court and ask for a modification of visitation/custody.  Normally when parents have shared custody, the mother gets less support because it is assumed that the father is sharing the costs of the child.  Use that and his lack of visitation as your grounds for requesting a change in custody.\n\nWhy does he have supervised visitation?  You may be able to use that to your advantage as well.\n\nYou will most likely not be able to get his rights terminated. This is a severe action, and courts don't like to do it.  If rights are terminated, the child becomes an orphan if the remaining parent dies.  Plus, terminating rights removes financial obligations.  In the eyes of the state, this makes it more likely that the state will have to pick up the slack in supporting the child with welfare, medicaid, food stamps, etc.\n\nI would just get yourself sole custody and make sure you keep his visitation supervised.  Then keep your child away from him, collect your child support if you are ever lucky enough to get some, and you and your child go on with your lives.\n\nThink about it, won't your child be better off?  My son has a dead beat dad and I let him off the hook.  I would rather he go off and not be in my son't life at all than he continually disappoint my son for the rest of his life by not showing up for visits, holidays, birthdays, etc.  Once a jerk, always a jerk.  Let him be a jerk to someone else.\n\nAlso, I know its not cheap, but I strongly suggest getting a lawyer when you do this.  He will protect you and your child and make sure you get what you deserve.  Also, I have heard more than one judge get upset when a parent comes to court without a lawyer.  Even though you can file by yourself, the results are just as serious as if you did have an atty.  So if you go by yourself and represent yourself poorly, it can have very negative effects on your child.\n\nGood luck!
243702
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I was in a similar situation 7 years ago but her father was actually convicted of molesting a young girl in town and he was sent to jail so i have sole custody of her. But I do know from working with troubled kids that there are supervised visits you can ask for where the visits are in a safe location with a member of social services or another agency like that present during the visit. It may be an option for you to look into and i hope everything works out.
388978
Most people don't understand the situation, but I do. I also took my son and left in the middle of the night. I felt like I didn't have a choice. The thing is that I knew until we had filed for divorce that we had equal rights to the child. And I also knew I could take him anywhere I wanted to as long as I notified her as to his whereabouts. The restraining order is just to give him some leverage in court to say that you are a danger to the child, and to keep you from coming to where he is and taking the child because you  have equal rights to the child. My situation had a lot more involved than I want to talk about. Just because you can't live together doesn't have to mean that either one of you are bad people. As far as him taking the child, at least he loves his child enough to try to keep it knowing that you are not going to be together. I can't tell you that you will ever get it off your mind. If you just sit back and think about the situation and do the best you can, with the child's best interest in mind, it will be of some comfort to you. Just make sure not to do anything that will emotionally scar the child, or permanently damage your relationship with the child.
102278
DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT and document -- keep records of what they are doing, saying and alleging.  Keep your own journal of what you do, with whom, etc. in case you need to produce this to an attorney or law enforcement.  You shouldn't worry what they are doing if you are doing right by the law and by the LORD.  If they leave voice messages -- SAVE THEM.  Again, write down what they say and do regarding you and your actions.  If you can't afford an attorney look into your state's bar association referral programs for Pro Bono (no cost) or low cost legal counsel.  Pre-empt their actions by keeping in constant contact with your probation officer.  Let her or him know what is going on.  I can't emphasize this enough...KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS OUT OF IT and put forward as much hard facts and details as you can especially to your probation officer and law enforcement.  They tend to believe you and give you more credibility if you leave your emotions at the door and seem organized and detailed.  Your life and your children's lives are at stake.  Take this on as the most important thing in your life right now but try to be as unemotional as you can.  I agree with the other answer prior to mine reminding you that WE ARE NOT CONTROLLING OUR LIVES...GOD is.  Give it to GOD, pray about it and things will work out as they should.  I've heard this many times...WANT TO MAKE GOD HAVE A GOOD LAUGH...TELL HIM ALL ABOUT YOUR PLANS!  GOD HAS OUR BACK AND KNOWS ALL THE PLANS FOR EACH OF US.  We think we know how to run and plan our lives but we (that think this way) are sadly mistaken.  I will pray for you.  Heads Up!
103856
i just want to say how much you really need to realise that you are a victim here, this man THINKS he can control you by telling you to bring the kid to him. why should you?? he is blatently exploiting you and your kindness. you need to be strong and only agree to meet him on your terms. as for your kid, you may feel that you are letting him down by not bringing him to his dad, but when he is older he will understand that you are doing your best by him and keeping him away from a harsh environment that no child should have to live in. I think you also need to PRIVATLEY notify the police and report him, before he gets worse and harms anyone else. you are the victim here, please do not let him intimidate you with his harsh words. they are only words and you should ignore them until he makes the effort.\ngood luck
23630
Hi Caspersweetpea! Sean here (the guy you sent an MSN Messenger Live Beta invitation to but at the wrong address :). This situation invites a lot of problems. If that was my kid, I would tell her employer this is not good for my son since he is only 15. The kid your son is babysitting needs special care that only an adult can give specially with his anger problem. If something bad happens to the kid he is babysitting, your son will carry a lot of psychological burden for the rest of his life. If something bad happens to your kid, are you willing to take that risk?
200387
Sounds like my dad.  He will be around for a couple months then disappear.  You have to decide how much of this you want to deal with.  I dealt for a long long time but then my father did something so unforgivable that put my children in danger and I will never as long as I live forgive him for that.  Don't let it come to this!  But be careful and watch over the ones that are close to you!
274130
You can't since you already plead guilty with a plea bargain. They wont listen to you anyway since he has violated probation. Your sons problem is that he looks more guilty by violating his probation. A violation to a judge is like telling him to go and screw himself. I suggest that you put him in a halfway house, and send him to treatment if you want any leniency at all. The people there can get the charges dropped, you can't as a parent. It is a conflict of interest to a court. The court could see you as part of the problem, and not a solution. That is the way the system works today, and there isn't any way around it.
226551
The therapist and support group cannot even legally give you any inclination that he is even a patient there under the HIPA rules so you can't do much but move on. Honestly, if he has done "sexual things" in front of your son and is an unstable drug addict you need to seek help for yourself to understand why you want him to be anywhere near your son. Sorry, to put it so bluntly, but yeah dream on.
553867
Do not by any means let them go w/ their father again is must be hard specially if the kids are asking to see him. I ve been thru the same thing he took my son away and at the time there was no court order so when i did call the police saying he didnt want to give me my one month old son back all they could do was stare at me and tell me there was nothing they could do since he was the father. He was very abusive and consumed drugs at the time but still nothing was done plz dont let them go for the saftey of your kids its hard i know but looking im pretty sure you will find whats just right and get the help you need
532077
I personally haven't heard of this website before, but as soon as I finish this post I'll try it out. As a person who has had experience with that ruthless, relentless, egotistical and corrupted agency, I feel as though something needs to be done about them yesterday! I have nothing good to say about them, at all! \n\nYes, a system like cps is needed, but I'll also be the first to admit that with the way the agency is now, it could stand to be shut down for repairs and a overhaul! Since my kids were taken back in March, and I've dealt with the cps system, I have never seen such a group of  lying, power tripping, and corrupted people in my entire life!\n\nIt is a miscarriage of justice for the things they do to some families and get away with. I have witnessed it first hand myself and it blows me away. They treat you like you are guilty before you've even gone to court! They lie and twist the truth so bad that you have lost before you are given a fair shot at winning your case. And the poor kids, they are shuffled from one foster home to another, while the sorry a$$ social worker sits back and thinks of more hurdles for the parents to jump over before she/he decides to let you have even your basic rights as the kids' parents!\n\nThe foster parents are no better and if they have taking a liking to your kid(s) they will work alongside the social worker to do any little thing they can think of to make it harder for the parents to get their kids back. (eventually hoping to be able to adopt the child- if things head in that direction) They show up late for the vistations, if not cancel them all together! any flemsy excuse they hand to the social worker  for the late or missed visitations is good enough for her or him. Oh and also, when the visitations are missed, or the foster parents show up late, the visits are not made up or extended, the parents just have to suffer the time lost to see their kids! The foster parents watch and listen to every little thing you say, then go back and twist it to their advantage, trying to make it look like you're incompetent as hell to raise your own kids!\nMy favorite foster parents are the ones who've never had kids, but are "experts" on how to raise kids (yours too) and how to take care of them! That one still makes me laugh! \n\nBut to answer your question, no, I think we as regular folk don't have the power to do anything that would be sufficient enough to put cps in their place! No, this needs to be looked at on a congressional level, then and only then would some action start being taken against cps. Sounds easy enough, but it isn't! The hardest part is getting those big wigs in the office to admit that there is a problem! Until then, millions of home wil be broken up by C.P.S (like someone else said it, Child Punishment Services)