I had an affair with a married co-worker. He made me believe our relationship was going to turn into marriage.\nHe ended it 6 months ago to go back with his wife.  I was completely devastated at the time and have been in therapy ever since. I am almost over the relationship, and he and I have become friends. Now suddenly, his wife has been coming by the office to have lunch with him. She walks past my office window to enter and leave the building. This reverses any progress I have made in getting over the relationship, and I am a crying mess. I have asked him for a little warning when she comes by, and he knows it upsets me, but he doesn't. I am so sick of feeling this way! Will I EVER be all right again?
205424
you'll get over it with time. i know it sounds stupid but time does heal things. maybe it'll always give you a wierd feeling in your stomache, but it'll be less and less after awhile.
118281
If he wants to find you he will. It must be very difficult to deal with this right now! I can only imagine how awful you must feel. I recently lost contact with someone myself, and I just stay focused on work and family and try to let time pass. Each day gets better. Talking really helps too, so maybe counseling would help (I have not done this yet, but want to.)
3478
Yes, a woman with whom I was a really good friend (I will call her Jane) just turned on me and almost refuses to talk to me now. We don't live near each other anymore, so it's not as big a deal now as it once was. But I have no idea what I did or said to turn her against me. I am one who has really good relationships with people and long-term friendships. So this really took me by surprise.\n\nJane and I used to spend hours together every week and a lot of time on the phone. We were both members of the same professional association. I saw her there and she was really rude to me like I had offended her in a big way. \n\nI am still mystified by this situation and it took place nearly eight years ago. I was told, by a mutual friend who asked me about the break up that Jane had done this in other relationships. That made me feel a little less confused, but I am still saddened by the loss of what I considered a great friendship.
194141
I was "dumped" by a man who lead me to believe that we were working toward marriage. I don't really know how to say this other than just be blunt... I was not physically attracted to him at first, I am 5'11". he was 5'7", our social stations were night and day, I don't claim to be a knock out, but I am above average in the looks department, and he was just kind of non-descript...I realize that we were not a physical match... but I thought that he really appreciated me for who I am on the inside, not what I look like on the outside, because that is how I felt about him. (he was 57, I was 34) total opposites.... but I was in love ( or so I thought). We continue along our road of stupid bliss for months.... with him traveling out of state on business on a regular basis... all the while he is seeing his ex-wife when he leaves. After spendind the weekend together, I left on Sunday afternoon still in love etc.... thinking everything is just fabulous....Monday morning I am reading my e-mails and there is one from him... he dumped me in an e-mail!!!! Told me that it was him and not me, and that I should just "take care". I was devastated to say the least, I have never been dumped in my entire life!!!! The humiliation was total, I couldn't get out of bed for 3 days, and I couldn't stop crying. He refused to take my calls etc.... and the worst thing ever was that we work in the same building, I have to see him almost everyday. I have since worked through this, and was feeling pretty good about life in general and had even gone on a few dates here and there....when *asshole** walks into my firms reception area (where I happened to be talking to the receptionist) and made bee line to me. He asked could we speak privately, I said no, say what you have to say now. So he asked would it be possible for me to come to his house that night for old times sake.... why should we "deny" ourselves just because his ex-wife was back in his life....well, I called him a few choice names and slapped the crap out of him--open handed across the right cheek. Left a pretty good impression of my hand too... that slap felt SO great, I can't describe it even today. I am now involved with a fabulous guy who actually appreciates me for me.... and couldn't be more happy. So, I guess all things happen for a reason.
314171
Hi there again. Was thinking about writing direct but didn't want to bother you again.\nI had a break up last June after a 7+ yera relationship/engagement and it took a little (underexagerating) time to get through.\nThe fact that he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all made me even more upset. I couldn't figure out how he could just walk out and that be it. No contact, no explanation of why, no nothing. People need some kind of closure to move along the healing process and I didn't have that.\nWhen I finally started thinking a little more clearly (took about a couple months), I started to realize the reason he was able to walk away as cut and dry as he did. It was because he had already been done long before he'd walked out.\nI started being able to put myself on the outside, looking in instead of the inside, looking in (hope you understand that). Then I started allowing myself to realize all the things that weren't so great and hadn't been so great for a while.\nI went from a deep sadness and loss to realizing I was worth more than how I was treated by him, either directly or indirectly.\nToday I am glad he left and didn't ever try to contact me AND I'm also glad he left.\nMy belief (and I've seen it proved many times over) is the karma people like that earn will pay them back tenfold for what they uncaringly do to people.\nOnly you will be able to put this to rest within yourself and only in the time that is right for you.\nI wish you all the best in the world. And try to remember you are worth more than the sum of one cheating man.\nAlso, sorry this is so long.
467205
Ok, this is going to sound absolutely weird. I am very confused.\nAbout 4 years ago , I was a school cleaner, married with an abusive husband. A new male teacher came to the school where I was working and we started a very close friendship. In 2004 I left my husband after many fights , I could not take anymore. This male teacher help me through me hard times and we became even closer. We started sleeping together which resulted in me falling pregnant (I lost a girl at 27 weeks of my pregnancy, she lived for 5 hours) Anyway, up until 2 weeks ago , we were still sleeping with each other. But all this time he says he loves me but just wants to be friends. Due to financial problems I have moved into his house. I have my own room and he says he no longer wants to sleep together. I love him very much, but like you I am confused.\nNow I will get to the point, it is obvious that you like this man, just ask him what he wants out of you, meaning a friendship or a relationship. I do not want to see you get hurt sweetie.
286231
i hear your question because it's the way i hope the women that cheated with my husband one day will feel sometimes i think she will realize this too late as a punishment and she will be too old to start over in life unlike me because she knew he was married, but i have good and bad days for the most part i let it go and just feel sorry for her and think to myself she is even stupidier than me because he was married and was  showing who he was i'm so glad to hear you woke up but probably because he forced you to by actually ending the relationship thats what happened to me the best thing that could have ever happened Hopefully the next fool will wake up real soon so he will get a chance to be a better guy before it's to late because it's women that really allow these guys to be the assholes they are. I know exactly what your talking about when you say name calling ect my husband convinced the other women i was crazy ect which is a manipulation tactic that allows them to keep doing what there doing and not feel guilty about it anyways you should definitely apologize to his ex-wife even though she probably never thinks about him anymore because the days he consumed her are gone these guys suck the life out of women your consuming days will be gone soon too. She probably will tell you you don't have to apologize for jumping in and catching all the hell from him that was suppose to be hers she'll probably thankyou i know thats what i would do if my x's wife ever said sorry to me. Yes you should definitely apologize though it's nice to be validated and it's never to late to start doing the rite thing because as you just have learned you reap what you sow. It's never to late to start sowing good seeds when you get over all your anger and sorrow one day you might suprise yourself and start praying for him and the one he's with now thats probably what his ex did for you. After all he left you so somebody must be praying for you!!!!---when your 'happily' remmaired & have a man that loves you back you'll know what i mean by this. Godbless
496467
Wow!  That's not an easy one, honey.  I don't think I could get past it either, even though nothing happenned, it would still be in the back of my head too!  I guess sometimes you have to draw a line.  For instance, when I go out with the girls for a night out w/out hubby, I enjoy talking with other men.  But, it's harmless, I do enjoy the conversation and flirtation, but I know that is healthy for any woman.  Now, here's the difference... I don't go out looking for it or take their phone numbers home with me and have private conversations.  That's clearly stepping over that line.  I love my husband and could never even picture doing anything intimate with anyone else.  I think you need to seriously consider what his intentions were.  Maybe what he was doing was harmless too, but if he is willing to give out his phone number and chat with her, that is a sign of taking the next step in my opinion.  And, the reason he immediately signs off when you catch him IM'ing her online, is a sure sign of guilt!  He knows in his mind he is doing something wrong, otherwise he wouldn't have to hide it.  Personally, I would never be able to forgive because it would haunt me, but that's me and I am a "ain't gonna take that sh!t type of person."  However, you may want to see a marriage counselor to see what the best choice is for you to move forward and past this.  I wish you all the best.  My heart goes out to you.  Good luck.  LOL.
71128
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
413649
You have known this freind only for 6 months, or did you know him before that itself ? I am sorry, because you have mentioned that you know him for many years, but the relationship ''has really only been as it is now for the past 6 months''. So is it that you know him for several years, where the relationship was much closer, and you have been in a good freindly relationship 'only' for the past 6 months ? Either way, he is married, has a child, and going to have another baby. I understand that you are close to him, 6 months or not 6 months, but his family will be his priority. His wife too must be going through a lot of physical and emotional changes during this time. Its sad, you dont want to lose a freind and your job, but here you have more choices/options that he has. He has his family, and he cannot fire you (or may not have the heart to) from the job, and he's undergoing stress as well. I am sure you can see that for yourself.  \n\nI honestly feel, that you should quit, although it is like ''why should you, when your feelings are absolutely true and pure, with no other intentions, and he is only a good freind''. But then, considering the condition his wife is in, and putting your freind in a dilemma, you could take the initiative yourself, by trying many other opportunities, elsewhere. Ever thought on why his wife is actually thinking of you in a negative way ? Have you or your freind done something, or behaved in such a way that gave her the idea ? Has he given more priority to you, in any situations in the past for his wife to feel insecure ?\n\nThe answers are with you. As much as I feel bad that you would have to leave your job and a freind, the wisest thing would be to keep away from all this emotional mess. And suppose, lets say you kept the job anyway, would you be even professionally satisfied ? With your freind upset for whom you are working for, and having to face his family at some point of time, even if you have dont no wrong, would create some ugly situations that nobody really wants. Or else another alternative would be to go meet her, as she is your freinds' wife, talk to her, make her feel nice, talk to her often and get involved with her during this time, offer her any help she may need, after all she is your freinds wife. Slowly, she would start realising that there is nothing to it. But then if that is an impossible thing to do you should leave, find a better place with a better environment, and keep the freindship too occasionally. You and your freind would be sad, but you are in fact helping your freind by doing this.\n\ngood luck
230923
LOOK sweetie...married couples are gonna talk...period..you cant get mad at them for that...ask yourself would you get upset if your husband was talk ing to another women all the time??  friend or not i garauntee if its more than a simple hello then you wouldnt like it...as far as your friendship with the girl let her know that no harm was intended and you can still be friends I think...unless just sayinghi dont email him and mess...you might have been talking to him more than his wife was and that can make people uneasy...i would just be careful cuz truthfully he is not your friend he is your friends husband...i hope you can feel me...
606309
luckily its only been 2 months....   but this sure is a glimpse into any future with this guy....I noticed  a couple in a restaurant   that were married.... the whole time they were there the guy was  talking on the cell phone.. with a break of only a few minutes in between calls .... I never even saw him speak to his wife!...  I felt so bad for her.... you might want to think about   if you really want to continue on .. personally  I would   get out NOW! lol..... good luck!
188039
If he's admitted he still has feelings for his ex then if i were you i would leave him alone, he's using you to help him get over the brake down of his marriage!! you deserve better than that tell him how you feel and that what he's doing is wrong, people need time to get over stuff like that! walk away before you get really hurt! :)
80437
Well, here's something. My mom and dad went through a rough patch. My dad had this friend from college that he remained in contact with. She taught at a school a couple of districts away. She is unhappy in her marriage as well. My mom felt that either my dad, or this other woman, had feelings for each other. They went to see a counselor about it (after about 2 years of feeling this way) and my dad realized that what he had was an emotional affair. He cut things off with the other woman and he is now back to the same great guy he was. My advice, talk to your husband about how it is making you feel. He may not even realize that it is bothering you. My dad didn't think there was a problem until he went to see the counselor. He may think that what he is doing is fine and there is nothing wrong with it, but if he is hurting you, then there is something wrong!!! Good Luck!!!!!!!
55841
Considering you aided in the breakup of her home, you should stay as far away as possible.  I suspect you either have feelings of guilt or you are afraid that your husband will do to you what he did to his first wife or you think he will realize the error of his ways and go back to the ex wife and YOU SHOULD!\n\nI can only assume there were problems in the husband's first marriage which caused him to seek consolation outside the marriage so you are not totally to blame for the distruction of their marriage, but you provided him with the means and the opportunity.  Now that you are in the wife's position I think you may see things a little more clearly.\n\nSomewhere within yourself you are questioning whether or not you can trust your husband.  You are questioning whether it is a pattern for him to seek outside the marriage at the first sign of trouble.  I also think you know your husband and his ex has unfinished business.  The problem that caused their marriage to breakdown was never discovered or brought to the surface and the possibility that he may wake up one day and realize he still loves his ex wife and he only hooked up with you because he did not know how to communicate his needs.  \n\nBefriending the ex wife is not going to keep the husband from cheating if he so chooses nor will it provide you with peace of mind.  Remember the old saying 'what goes around, comes around.  It is true and it is called Karma.
592140
i've done it before.... and dont recommend it... i mean, everyone at your job will find out sooner or later, thats wat happened to me... :(\nthen our relationship was not going good... so we ended it... sucked 'cause i had to c him almost everyday.... it was just bothering so much.... i quit my job... :)
249843
It will hurt her.  You know that right?  \nBut, as unfortunate as it is, it does happen.  That doesn't mean you can't be gentle about it.  You just need to sit down and be honest with her.  The longer you wait, the harder it will be on all three of you.  \nMy ex husband found someone else while we were together and he told me immediately, before he cheated.  I respect that he did at least leave me BEFORE he went to her.  PLEASE Consider that fact if it's not too late.