back together and he is on the verge of getting a divorce. i know that we committed a big sin by sleeping together but no matter who he is with or who i am with we always seems to fall back into each other arms and I don't know how to tell him that I am tired of being the other woman. How do I tell him that without making him upset. I don't want to argue with him. Please help me out.
198747
just explain that you do not want to be the other woman. you love him and want to be with him and for him to be only yours.
300075
I'm glad you were able to get that off of your chest, but I'm not really sure what you are seeking here?\n\nSounds like you are in a rock and a hard place and you have tried communication to no avail.\n\nSometimes you have to cut line and move on.  I'd hate for someone to say this to me, I love my hubby very much, but in your shoes, if he were not listening to me or my feelings on the matter, and issuing dictates on how and when I could talk, it would be time to walk.\n\nGood luck with this.  I hope you find peace.
337477
ok, there is no way to say it w/o hurting him too much. but if you want you can try this..a key point to remember is not to sound too angry. try to keep your calm and hope that it all turns out well...\n\n" i think that you are changing and i don't know who you are anymore. i don't think that we are in the same page anymore  and i think is best for me and for you to stop being friends. it was nice while it lasted but like i said we are in two different pages. i hope that you can understand. i wish you the best."\n\ni hope that this helps out. i wish you the best of luck.
465358
You should give him the same exact respect you would want him to give you...but I have a feeling you have already gone beyond where that line is with you.\nSit down with him.  Tell him how much he has meant to you, but that you have changed and he doesn't mean that anymore.  Be honest, the worst thing you can do to yourself is lie.\nI would caution you on one thing though-the new relationship is always going to seem exciting-at first.  Then it becomes just another relationship.  Don't keep the current guy hanging on while you find that out.  Since you betrayed his feelings, it is better for him if you move out now and be honest with him.\nI am not judging you harsly, it just sounds that way.  I have been on  BOTH sides of this arguement so I know what you are feeling and I know what he is going to go through.  \nJust be a good person about it, as good as you can anyway.
566312
I don't think you are overreacting at all. I was once married and I caught my ex-wife in an affair. We separated and tried to work things out, but I soon realized after I got over the physical side of things, that her issue was an emotional attachment. The laymen would consider cheating as anything "physical". Sure I agree but in the end there is also emotional cheating and that is the most harmful in my opinion. If he is telling another woman that he loves her and it is not a close friend that he has known for years, I would worry a little and bring that up to him. The two most important aspects of any relationship are trust and communication! If you lose either one, the relationship will start to go downhill, and it is hard to recover that in the end. Good luck to you and I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope it works out. He's your husband, nail his ass to the wall on this one!
83486
He may be trying to do either.  Just remind him that you are now ex-partners, and he needs to keep his social life to himself.  Refuse to get involved in this sort of discussion.  Sounds like it was a good idea to break it off.  He doesn't have clear boundaries.
270018
It does hurt a lot I can relate to it. But keep in mind that hes working hard to right the wrong that hes committed, going to counseling, telling you about it was probably the hardest. Hes hurting deep down too. Just be there for him and help him through all of this. Remember that talking about it with him might help also...try to understand why he does this what has lead him to be like this why does he feel the need to do it....talking about it all might help don't bottle it all inside trust me that makes it worse, but if the two of you talk to each other and are open and honest stick by one anothers side you will get over this. It just happened...the pains not going to go away overnight and you might feel better if you talk to one another maybe couples help or a weekend retreat together!
451831
Tell him how you feel about what happened and that you're willing to come back, but he owes you an apology for what he did.  Hopefully he learned from his last gf that he should consider you first.
414845
Holy smokes are you sure you aren't my wife?  Look at the question I just posted.  \nI am going through EXACTLY the same thing right now.  I love my wife but the urge to be with other women is just so noisy I can't tune it out.  \nAssuming his problem is the same as mine - it is NOT likely a problem with you.  The "other" woman likely is not any more attractive or anything and probably is generic in nature.  I am in therapy right now although I don't know if this can be fixed. \nBUT I CAN tell you this - don't shut him out!!!  He needs your love and affection more than ever to get through this.  Cutting him off is going to make it worse.
117846
I warn my husband about this all the time.  I feel me and him don't have a deep mutual understanding of each other.  You know how with some people you have that love and understnading and emotional connection and with others you don't.  he and I don't have that - thought we did but we rushed into the marriage.  I keep telling him that if he continues to be that way - he complains and argues about everything that I am interested in and criticizes me for the way I do things ..doesn't understand the real me. We just doesn't have that real true love "connection" as your wife calls it and "emotional" understanding for one another ... he has no idea what i mean when i explain this to him; I tell him he's gonna be the guy that 10 years down the road the wife will say "i want a divorce" and the entire time he would never see it coming and would wonder "where did I go wrong - i thought everything was fine" ... but you know what .. I commend you for reading books and seeing a counselor.  I try to read books about this stuff to my husband and he gets mad and defensive or he'll just ignore what I'm reading to him.  If she doesn't give you that chance to work it out then she is just fed up and there is no hope.  Give her a little more time - although she probably feels less hurt becasue she knows you are still wanting to be with her so she's not scared about this time apart.  If you were to act like her and accept it - then it would scare her.  When I threaten to leave sometimes and he is beggin for me not to, I feel the urge to leave even more because I know I have the upper hand and he's wrong.  But .. if he would act like he wouldn't care for ex: one time he said "fine I'll pack your bags for you" I felt really vulnerable and hurt but it scared me ... and we ended up making up instead of me leaving.   Take everyones advice - just take it day by day - you'll be fine and she'll come around - if its over just let it go .. use what you have learned to help you out later.  Just note that women need emotional attention and understanding- we are weird like that.
380721
if you really love him then the answer should be obvious on what you should do.\nyou have to maybe want to go to counseling when he comes back.\nfind out why yall fight so much get together and talk about it. and about the name calling you should know that doesnt matter tell him face to face that you dont like that\nthe whole jealousy thing can also be resolved with communication. if you like to read theres a book called "THE LAST OPPURTUNITY" By Carlos C. Sanchez you should read it because it talks about marriage and divorce.\nhope ur situation gets better.
279211
Wow are you ready for my answer. It isn't gonna be short sorry but I think I can help you understand this a little better.\n\n Most of what I have to say is from being that way myself. My wife God Bless her has stood beside me through all the B.S. I did to her in the early part of our marriage. First let me start off by saying don't let him or any other man push you around. Now it is OK to let them have some control. Men need and expect that. They still want to be king, but we have to keep in mind a king is nothing without his Queen. A man will act that way when they know they have a great thing and are afraid they are going to lose it to some one better.  The reason he doesn't like you talking to other boys is one in the same. He knows they can offer things he can not. I agree with him to some extent. I want the attention of my wife. I don't want her giving it to some other man. But slowly I have worked on this and now things are better. I have had to make myself trust her because she has never showed me any sign that she has done wrong. \n As far as him calling you up out of the blue, it is because loneliness has gotten the better of him. He never did think you was a liar. he knows the truth. He has his own faults and expects you and every one else to be the same. Now the only thing left is to decide if you want him back in your life. We know what he is like so far and if he will change is yet to be seen. As I told some one else tonight its a matter of talking to him. If you are gonna give this another shot then sit him down and talk to him. Let him no how you feel and dont forget that both of you need to give and take. You have to give a little as well. A relationship is a two sided coin. I always told myself that I was not spose to change for anyone. Well I was wrong. Changing is all you get done in a relationship. You have to mold yourself around that other person and vise versa.\n\n Hope this helped......I really do. God Bless.
593786
Here's the main problem:  You're telling him this and telling him that.\n\nHe's not listening.  Actions speak louder than words.  You need to talk to him not tell him.  Say "listen, I feel as though when you say this (be specific), it's disrespectful to me.  I'd appreciate you not doing it".  If he does it again, Simply leave.  He'll either get his act together very quickly or you just discovered his true colors and all you were there for was to support him, not be a partner.
118610
You first need to address the reason you were willing to settle for his infidelity in the first place. He has had no incentive to stop, so it's very likely that his is continuing to do it. You need to really find out why you are selling yourself short, and I don't often say this, but I agree with the earlier post. You need to have some counseling if only to help you learn to demand more for yourself.
288770
That is pure selfish. He wants other women and you too. Been there before....Not something to try and build another relationship on , a threesome. If he truly loves you, he'll put her to the curb and come back to you, no matter what. If he's asking you this, and is separated from you now, then his intentions aren't to fix things, its to have his cake and eat it too. Its not fair to you, move on, find someone who won't use you to get his kicks like your current hubby....GL;)
106730
Hey man I know where you are coming from. My wife just told me that cheated on me with another man about 2 months ago. I went nutts, but not too bad. Luckily she told me at our preachers house. After she told me I did not know what to do. Because in the bible it states that that is the only reason for divorce. I sat down and talked with her and the preacher. We agreed that we would stay together. I wanted to leave her but then I didn't. I love her so much, and not only because we have kids. I am still having a hard time getting over it. Like I said it has already been 2 months since she told me and I still can not sleep nor trust her. There are still times when I want to leave but I can't because I love her too much. Also you don't want to go out and do the same thing she did. It won't do any good, except have a burden on your shoulders. Just hang in there man. Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. God Bless!
270359
I suspect that the two of you were not telling the same story, although you think you are. But this is immaterial. Why listen to advice from other people? If you have both decided that divorce is the best way forward, then this is what you should do. Forget other people's opinions. These just muddy the water. Just be thankful that the two of you have made this decision and can still be friendly towards each other.