Can you tell I'm in the mood to laugh?!\n\nOk, maybe this one is not TOTALLY respectful, but I can't help but laugh:  (you've probably heard this before)\nA lady was late for church, and she was running toward the Church, and saw a guy coming out of the church.  She says, "Oh no!  Is Mass out?  Is Mass out?!"  And he said, "No, but your slip is showing!"\n   Ok, sorry.  That is as raunchy as I get.  Please keep it at least that "clean"!  \n\nMake me laugh out loud and get 10 points.
202802
ACTS 2: 38 \n \nAn elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church \nservices when an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the act of \nrobbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2: 38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) \n  \n  The burglar stopped in his tracks. \n   \n  The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. \n   \n  As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, \n"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to \n you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!" \n   \nPASS THIS ON TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH TODAY. \n Remember, knowing scripture can save your life in more ways than one. \n\nBIBLICAL GIGGLES\n\n\n\nQ. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?\nA. Ruthless\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. What do they call Pastors in Germany?\nA. German Shepherds\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?\nA. Noah, he was floating his stock while everyone\nelse was in liquidation.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?\nA. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the Bank of the Nile and drew \nout a\nlittle prophet.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?\nA. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in\na Fury.  David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.\nHonda, because the Apostles were all in one Accord.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?\nA. Samson, he brought the house down.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to\nwhy he no longer lived in Eden?\nA. Your mother ate us out of house and home.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Which servant of God was the most flagrant\nlawbreaker in  the Bible?\nA. Moses, he broke all 10 commandments at once.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?\nA. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible\nA. David, he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nQ. Which Bible character had no parents?\nA. Joshua, son of Nun\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nAnd from the Gospel according to dale...what were the\nnames of David's dogs,,,Shirley, Goodness, and Mercy\nand they followed him all the days of his life.   aaargh\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\nBoat Rental\n\nScotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast\nwhen he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a\nboat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in\nScotland it wouldna ha been more than $20."\n"That might be true," said the travel agent,  "but you have\nto take into account that the Sea of Galilee is the water on\nwhich our Lord Himself walked."\n\n"Well, at $50/hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's ah\nno wonder He walked."\n\n\nRemember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!\n\n"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22
247503
Dude, that was awesome. Thanks for the laugh!!!! If that "pastor" had a church and you came and did not convert, he would "bust a cap in your ass for the lord!! beeatch"
190721
Lol...\nThat was real funny...thanks, I need that.
349475
I know you're not looking for a cure but laughter is always good so,\nI was at the golf  store comparing different kinds of golf balls.\nI was unhappy with the  women's type I had been using.\nAfter browsing for several minutes,\nI was  approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen\nwho works at the  store. He asked if he could help me.\nWithout thinking, I looked at him and said,\n"I think I like playing with men's balls."  \nor\nMy sister and I  were at the mall and\npassed by a store that sold a\nvariety of candy  and nuts.\nAs we were looking at the display case,\nthe boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.\nI replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."\nMy sister started to laugh hysterically.\nThe boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.\nTo this day,\nmy sister has never let me forget.\n\nAnd if that doesn't do it. How about this:\nWhile in line at the bank one afternoon,\nmy toddler decided to release\nsome pent-up energy and ran amok.\nI was finally able to grab hold of\nher after receiving looks of disgust\nand annoyance from other patrons.\nI told her that if she did not start behaving\n"right now" she would be punished.\nTo my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a\nvoice just as threatening,\n"If you don't let me go right now,\nI will tell Grandma that I saw you\nkissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"\nThe silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.\nEven the tellers stopped\nwhat they were doing.\nI mustered up the last of my dignity and\nwalked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.\nThe last thing I heard when\nthe door closed behind me,\nwere screams of  laughter.
327790
Q: What do you get when you cross the pilsbury doughy boy and Raggety Ann???\n\nA: A little Redheaded B*tch with a yeast infection!  haha\n\n\nOK so a little sick but still funny :o) LOL
307411
That was a great laugh! I really needed that! \n\nTHANX!
349936
Good one!!\nThanks for the laugh!! :)
423391
LOL................. that was truly funny.\nThanks for sharing and enjoy your week ahead : - )
292271
I laughed out loud when I read this one. Thanks!! I've had\na really crappy day. And, sure, why not. Look at the one\nwe've got!
12313
That's so damn funny! \n\nThe coolest thing is God is up there laughing right along with us. Atleast my God can take a joke.\n\nFavorite quote, George Burns, "God is a comedian playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh."\n\nKeep it coming! Really helps passing the time in the silence of 3rd shift
408878
ok...This is a really sick joke, and I don't like it.  People are probably going to get mad at me for it, but you asked for it so here it goes.\n\nJesus Christ walks into an Inn.  He hands the Innkeeper three nails and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"\n\nI'm sorry, sorry, sorry, but I was just answering the question(or request).
245540
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".\n\nHe nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.\n\n"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.\n\n"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. "The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"\n\n"Moses," Replied the bird.\n\n"Moses" the burglar laughed.\n\n"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"\n\nThe bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!
526738
Made me laugh and i like pple capable of laughing about themselves. You Must have heard this Irish blessing I'm sure !!\n"Grant me a sense of humor, Lord, \nthe saving grace to see a joke, \nTo win some happiness from life, \nAnd pass it on to other folks. "
238527
LOL, You crack me up! You made my day!\n\nS.S.
507414
Ma'am, aren't you the same lady who asked that hilarious "What would you DO in such a situation?" question before where you spoke of an 80 year old lady  and another hilarious hypothetical question involving pee?\n\nI just saw that I'd got three thumbs down for bursting into laughter there.\n\nMay I just compliment your great sense of humor, ma'am?\n\nI really needed these laughs.\n\nThank you.
511258
I was so not expecting that one.  Great one girl, thanks for giving me the laugh I needed!  You have a blessed day and keep them coming!!  \n\nThanks again!
515994
OMG too funny....Thank You for the laugh.\n\nHave A Great Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!