my husband will not move on from a fight
217699
This fight...You don't give us much to go on. Some things are very difficult to forgive and even more difficult to forget, if you cheated even if you came back home and said "Oops so sorry honey!" Then he has a right to hold onto some anger until he is able to move on...but if you burned his toast and he is off the shelf with anger, then you may consider that there may be something bigger bothering him. \n\nSee your question is vague, and I don't know if I would advise you to be "pissed" or really begging this man to forgive you! Either way  he's stuck on angry, so maybe there is more to it than just something simple...\n\nI would continue to try to talk to him, if you are REALLY WRONG, then he may never forgive or forget...or it may take a very long time...(as in the case of catching you cheating or something). If it's something that is really of no BIG consequence, then maybe he is going through other things in his own life, that has him temporarily upset with more than you. If he continues to be hostile and does not have good reason for it, then ask him if he thinks the two of you need marriage counseling, if he doesn't want to go, maybe you could go and see if there is anything the counselor might suggest...\n\nYou can't go on forever angry, or confused about his anger...give him some time, some kindness (even if he may not really deserve it the way he's acting)...and maybe he will remember why the two of you are married at all!\n\nGood luck, if this was just something simple, and he is acting like this then it's strange. But if you have done certain things or if he might suspect you have been less than honest with him then he may be wondering how he can go on and try to trust you. If you require for him to forgive and forget, then you feel you have done something wrong, and he does too. It may be more important to him than you think if should be, but if you are the one that needs to be forgiven, then you might have to wait until he is ready to be forgiving. (?)\nruthie~
560089
My husband and I have been married for a year and have been together for 5 years.  The first year was fine...2 months after we started dating I moved to Texas with my parents...9 months later I moved back to where he was and we moved in together I'd say about 6 months later is when it started.  He would get really angry because I was complaining too much about his job or that he wouldn't do the dishes when I asked and he would throw chairs...at the time we had those little plastic picnic chairs...and clothes at me or near me.  He would yell and scream at me and get right up in my face.  I don't remember him ever laying a hand on me during that time though.  About a year or two later we ended up breaking up mostly because we needed to be our own people for a while considering I was 17 when we moved in together and he was 20.  We were apart for about 2 months then we got back together and I moved in with him and his roommate at the time.  About a month or so later we got our own place and soon after that is when the major abuse started.  I never chalked it up as abuse though until I was watching some show and realized that my boyfriend was abusing me.  When he would get really mad at me he would grab my neck and pin me to the wall or throw me to the couch or the bed or where ever we were.  He has only slapped me twice and I've gotten a few bruises on my neck.  After I realized it was abuse I started to fight back and when he would grab my neck I would kick at him and push him away...I only did that a couple times because it made him even more angry.  We did end up getting married about 6 months after we got back together.  A lot of the abuse happened soon after we got married.  I only remember actually losing my breath and struggling to breath once...and that was a couple of months ago when we were in a car and arguing about he wanted to change his oil in front of an auto parts store but there was a guy outside that when my husband was in the store kept walking past the car looking at me in a weird way so when my husband came back to the car I told him I wanted to leave and told him the reason and so he got all upset and acted like a total baby and so on the way home I told him that him being my husband should want to protect me and want me to feel safe and whatever and I guess I said something wrong and he reached over and grabbed my neck and didn't let go right away like he normally did.  We got home soon after that and I went in and started to pack my things to leave and he came in and threw me on the bed and told me I wasn't leaving so I decided to leave my things and just leave and he just kept stopping me grabbing my wrists and he pushed me and I fell over a foot rest and hit my head.  I don't remember why I didn't leave.  but since then we have gone to a counselor I think two times...but now he works so much that we argue on the phone.  He never did this when he was drinking...we don't drink very much.  I don't know how he could do this to me either...he always said it was because I knew what made him mad but I still did it.  I have changed because of this...I don't say as much anymore and I pick and choose my words...I can't say I am afraid of him though.  I still say what I want when I'm really angry.  I know hes more afraid of my step dad than I am afraid of him though.  It use to happen at least once a week to twice a month.  We don't have kids...we have animals...whenever he kicks the dog I kick him...so see I'm not that afraid of him...I am for a couple weeks after the events happen though but normally I'm not.  He is intimidating though because hes a foot and a half taller than me.
505605
ummm.. well if he doesn't like when you start a fight, he shouldn't continue it, and then he wouldn't have to worry about you ending it lol... men are crazy...  good luck communicating/having discussions about anything remotely serious/personal/upsetting... it sounds like his pride is very sensitive.. what is with guys and their egos?!
354723
He sounds like a glutton for punishment! I doubt he will listen to anything you have to say, but for your own sanity get it off your chest and let him know what a ridiculous decision this is and that his wife needs therapy, if she refuses to get it and he refuses to make her get it, then there is nothing anyone can do about it.
510163
Sit him down and talk to him.\nI've been in exactly the same situation recently. After a  screaming match with my wife I just sat down with her and voiced my concerns. She loves me enough to accept what I said and is making changes. I hope he can do the same.
303648
He thinks he can avoid the fighting if he lies to you. What you need to do is let him know that it acctually makes it worse when he lies and you find out later. Tell him that if he tells the truth right off the bat, then you will try not to get so upset with him. If you give him alittle bit more patience and calm, he'll be more willing to tell the truth. He's just afraid of arguing.
249047
You can stop by picking and choosing your battles. Reserve some of that energy. But if you simply need to have a arugment make sure you understand his side too. Its not healthy to fight because it kills the love and dampers your view on your bf. Talk to him and try to be rational.\nBut if its too much, hun move on
172949
pick and choose your battles. life is too short to bicker over ridiculous sh*t. when he is being an a** kill him with kindness or act like you can't be bothered with his silly commentary. problem is you all are around each other 24/7 and you'll drive each other nuts no matter how compatible. if you can be be apart for several hours out of the day or go stay at your mom's over nite it'll make you all miss each other and realize the good things about each other. but seriously you need to get some wheels and get your independence back! that'll make a huge difference!good luck!
160025
I've been married for 3 years now, and let me tell you it has been hard at times.  My husband is very very compulsive about cleaning.  I however am the opposite.  He will come home from work and nag and complain NON STOP about everything about the house. When I do the dishes, he'll come in and yell at me because I'm not drying the right way, or I'm not stacking the right way.  We really had our breaking point when at 530am he was getting ready for work, and he took down the curtains because he wanted me to get a start on cleaning and making him breakfast.  Now I work full time too, and my alarm was set for 7am.  We had the biggest fight. I finally told him I couldn't take it anymore, he was bringing me down so much that I was starting to hate my self.  Just saying that too him killed him.  He had no idea that I was so unhappy.  After getting so much out he now makes an effort to make me feel better, he makes me breakfast in bed every Saturday.  And when he gets ready to complain or nag he holds back and simply offers the advice "take it or leave it"
357040
Knowing that you just hung up on him, wait until tomorrow or the next day, just to calm your nerves.  Find out if y'all can meet somewhere and discuss the problem.  But if chooses to remain stubborn, do others things to take your mind off of him.  It may take some time, but it can be accomplished.  I was in a situation similar to yours.  Don't waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't respect your wishes.
419114
I'd get up and leave the room. With that said.  My son says my hubby and I fight alot, and to us we are not fighting.  We are discussing different things and giving our points of view to each other.  Usually we don't raise our voices and maybe it would be considered bickering by some.  But really it is harmless.  So I wouldn't worry about the divorce issue.  If they say they wouldn't get divorced than believe them.  No sense worrying about it until it really happens.  \n\nOn the other end of it.  It is not fair for either of them to ask you to side with them.  But maybe they are trying to get you in on a discussion.  Make it a family thing?\n\nGood luck.
356768
Do not feel ignorant. Abuse comes in many forms, and unless your husband gets help FAST, things will escalate. He has control issues, and feels very insecure about everything. Most abusers are insecure, and feel that violence is the only way to keep the things they love from leaving. But in actuality all it does is FORCE the things they love further away from them. I strongly suggest getting help, and if he refuses...you need to leave before things get worse. Without help, eventually your relationship with him will crumble to the point of nonexistance. There is no excuse for being violent with someone, and stress happens to everyone. Not everyone gets ready to beat the crap out of their wife/ mate however when the situation gets hairy. Once again, get him some help before its too late, or leave and work on you. Huge hugs, and best of luck.
385973
i too went through this, 10 years of it, whenever we were having any discussion he would turn it around and i would be made the problem, it escalated into name calling, fat hog, slut, really bad names. whenever he did not get his way or wouldn't stick up for me to his son, no matter what the problem, he would change the subject and suddenly i became the problem. after awhile our communication suffered, actually i was too afraid to even bring anything up, did not feel safe, knew i would be the focus, and if he couldn't find a problem with me, he would make one up. just causes resentment and eventually someone will get so angry that they will stray from the marriage. think the problems stem from a more serious thing, it's never about what they say about you, or the names u get called, it runs deeper than that, think it's about something they feel they are not getting out of the marriage.
324998
Listen honey I have been in a bad relationship myself and know where you arecoming from you have to stand up for yourself and move on you say you can't leacve Why? they have got you to the point where you are wallowing in self pity just as they like you. What is happening here is domestic abuse and it has to end before you end first. For your childrens sake leave him if he don't like it tell him where to go ****himself or tell him if he loves you to stand up to his family for you though from the sound of it he is week as s**t no man should ever allow anyone including his family to run you down. I wish i could do more for you but sadly I can't if you need to chat though send me an email and I will keep chatting and offering no strings advice I am a voluntary member of the samaritans and will make timwe to chat if you need me.
580103
lose my temper and doubt my spouse
418767
You can't stop them.  They are part of being human.  I would listen to your husband because it sounds like he's not going to change.  You really need to think about getting into therapy to figure out if you want to stay in the marriage.
162998
Whew! Whatever the fight was about really isn't the problem now. It's the fact that it's important to you and not to him. Men and women view these things differently. It used to be that way for me and my husband. We would fight and when it was over, for him it was over. For me, I wanted to discuss what the problem was. It has improved dramatically over the years. Our communication has improved and we generally don't fight like that anymore.\n\nYou don't say how old you are but I'm willing to bet you're fairly young. I'll bet the stress of planning this vacation has got you both worn out. You need to take a deep breath and ask yourself just how important this is to you. You say it was a silly fight. Sounds like you need to forgive and forget. Give him a big hug and pack for your exciting honeymoon vacation! You've got your whole lives ahead of you. God Bless!