my friend told me "men want what they can't have, and they don't want what they CAN have."  i want an explanation to this.  i always end up being the guy's best buddy, when i really want more than that.  i'm told it's because i am too available.  my friend tells me "play hard to get."  but here's the thing: if men want what they can't have, then when they finally get it, do they not want it anymore?  this game-playing sh*t is ridiculous.  what happened to the attitude of "i like you, you like me, let's go out"?  i guess i just don't know how to play the game...i want to meet someone and start dating on a serious level, and am starting to feel like something is wrong with me when men i've been intimate with all of a sudden start looking at me as their best friend, while they move on to other dates. i need some advice here, what are men looking for in a woman?  what's wrong with me?  just because i'm attentive and caring, i'm not interesting??  i hate this dating game...i'm about to QUIT
216548
I guess what we really want out of a potential g/f or wife is a bit of a challenge. If you're too aggressive those signs say you're giving it away too easy to be virtuous. Light flirting with a little withdrawal let's us know you're interested but discerning. Now the easy part, not wanting what we can have is a popular misconception. Keep us wanting. Take care of yourself. Maintain some drive. Stay healthy and trim if that's the way we found you. Nothing makes us refocus our desire for you like you being desired, especially by other men. But if you let it go, we can't fool ourselves into being attracted. It just won't happen. Oh, and have self-esteem, please.
666386
The statement, "Don't want a girlfriend right now", is a euphemism meaning he wants to play the field.  \nHe is currently only interested in finding girls that want to have sex and no commitments.
164841
If he isn't ready, then he isn't ready. I think if you pin all ur hopes on him, it's not very wise. Is he is saying a NO to u, or is he saying "I don't know". Does he have feelings for you...is it love, or lust? You know best. \nEitherways, he is not *moving forward* with u, and that's a strong signal. \n\nI would advise you to have a really honest talk with him and ask him what he REALLY thinks and feels. Tell him you are not judging him, tell him you truly wanna hear what he is going through, and to lay it all on the table, so you can make an informed decision. If he cares about you and your life, and your own future, am sure he should be ready to let you know honestly what is going on in his mind. \n\nI would say keep him as a friend (strictly) and date other people who would be willing to commit. I know it might be hard esp. if you have developed strong feelings and attachment with him. It's for you and him to decide whether you both can be friends and date other people, if you both wish. \n\nAnother thing is, you must have some discipline in order for things to move forward. If u decide to be strictly friends, then make sure you do that. If you give in, this situation might continue for a long, long time. \n\nI think he needs to miss u a lil bit, inorder to really know what he wants. Reduce ur talks, go date other people, and see where it goes after that. That's my 2 cents on this.
356360
He surely havs taken much place in your heart, because he was there with you when you were going through life's upheavals and downfalls. Time after time he helped you, be there with you. And you think the this guy is the one you need, because you know perfectly well, that he wants to help you whatever troubles that you will have.\n\nWhy he turned you down when you ask him out? My first impression on this issue is that he had set some boundaries between you two; avoid further commitments. May be he noticed that you now are well and able to live happily. There is no need for him to be close to you and support you.\n\nHe doesn't notice your feelings, yet even if he does, he still chooses to stay away from you. Because he sees that you do not need him in order to be strong. And he knows his role in this relationship; once you are well, he will back down or walk away.\n\nThat may explain why he doesn't talk to you; he fears if there is something more that you expected him to do or want him to commit. A friendship is really not a problem to him, I guess. But if you ask him to have stronger relationship with you. That, he cannot allow himself to do so.\n\nThere are limits that he set for himself in the first place, and he will not bridge those limits. He may fear that he can never be as caring as he used to be; and he may not have enough confidence to love you the way you want him to be.\n\nYou said it yourself; he is your first true love. That may be the very thing he fears of. Sorry, I cannot explain why. It will be best for him to answer it himself.\n\nThis is my perception on this issue; I hope that I'm not too sharp on you.\n\nGood Luck
648413
This guy is not being fair with you, but then again a lot of guys aren't! You have to pin him down (not literally mind!!) and get him to tell you one way or the other, is it going to be you or her. I know this sounds harsh but whilst you are pining for him, you may just miss out on your true Mr Right! He is already in a relationship and gets to flirt and chat with you as well, ever heard of having your cake and eating it? My guess is that this situation will carry on and on because he likes it like this! He is flattered by your attention. You've gotta be tough with him and with yourself. If he says he can't (or won't) leave his woman for you, then it means he doesn't really want to. \n\nYou need to push him to make a decision because whilst this situation persists he isn't being fair to anyone, not you, not her and not to himself! \n\nGood luck sweetie!
153815
Why is it that the men your refering to know they don't have to have a lasting relationship with you or why is it that your relationships are not lasting...I have found women think they can attract a man one way and think they can keep him another way...You sound intimidating and perhaps your a challenge, and once they realize your just like other women, they lose interest or consider the challenge over...there can be many reasons...just try and be the person you are and allow Mr. Right to recognize thats the person he wants..good luck.
74313
I have been through a similar experience. Just over a year ago the guy who I had planned on marrying & I decided to part ways. Even though it was mutual I had a really hard time moving on. I started dating again right away, but soon realized that in the process of dating my ex I had lost track of who I really was, therefore all the guys I dated after him; I was dating for the wrong reasons. I don't know if that makes sense, but I decided that I had to "date myself" first before I was ready to hit the dating scene again. \n\nAbout 4 or 5 months ago I came across this book: Single "The art of being satisfied, fulfilled, and independent". by Judy Ford  It really opened my eyes as to how I was living my life. It's okay to grieve & find yourself before hitting the dating scene again. I've taken a sabatical from dating & have never been happier. I have more guy friends than I have ever had before & they are teaching me what I really want in a guy.\n\nMaybe you're not ready for the whole dating thing yet, but that shouldn't stop you from getting to know this great guy. It sounds like you two are building a friendship, & friendship is so important when trying to rediscover yourself. Just be totally honest with yourself & do some soul searching ... you'll be surprised by all you don't know about yourself.
648541
If you find out how to get past the "friend barrier", let me know.  I hear a lot of women say they want to be friends with a guy & then date him, but I also know several girls who say I'm a great friend & have no romantic interest in me whatsoever.  Usually, I try the honest approach & tell a girl I'm interested in more from here, but have only had limited success at best with that idea.  Still, at least if you're honest & tell her your feelings, you won't be wondering years from now what would have happened if you had the guts to tell her.  Best of luck, & I hope everything works out for the best.
295415
Single is good for awhile. My guy friend reminded me of the concept of "dating". You are going back out into the social scene and just meeting new people. Forming a friendship is the most healthy way to building a romantic relationship. Your giving yourself and your friend, time to really honestly, get to know each other inside and out. Jumping in is never healthy. If your jumping in for the wrong reasons (lonliness, a "need" for a mate), then you will soon find your relationship ending in a firey crash and burn. Practice patience with your new friend. It's ok to be attracted to him/her but keep a level head and don't let your emotions rule your decisions. I am experiencing this very phenomena about building a friendship first. Together, we are keeping level heads, (even though he is just so dang hot), and it is much more fulfilling and healthy, than any relationship I've had before. The communication is great, we understand and accept where we stand with each other, and we're keeping the door open for the possibility of a wonderful, romantic, relationship to develop. I admit, it's not easy. I am still learning the whole patience thing myself. But this is so good, and healthy. I wish you luck, and hope that you will not jump in to something out of desparation. Be positive, be patient, and ask God to help. God Bless you friend.
339884
I am right there with you! That guy seems to have some weird notion that talking like that will turn a girl on. I've never understood why guys put stuff like that in their profiles. I can understand them talking about things like that once they've developed a relationship with a person, but putting it out there before they even know a person isn't really sending out the best message. But, in the end it's up to you. You may want to give him a chance and what he has to offer....he may just be all talk. He's at the age where he knows what he wants, maybe he's tired of playing games and just wants to put his "wish list" out there. :)
507019
Since it seems he has made it crystal clear he doesn't wish to be more than friends, you should move on and start dating others.  If he is upset my you dating, he will ask you out and you can be more than friends.  If he doesn't seem to care one way or another, you need to forget about it.
623759
I'm going through the same thing. In my opinion men who are afraid of commitment and also afraid of losing a great woman send very mixed signals. Once it starts to interfere with the quality of your life, you need to let go and move on. Maybe standing for your values will open his eyes, maybe not.
610087
Poor thing. Have you been burned recently? I feel your pain. Ok. Mind games. Men have egos, huge egos. When a woman he thinks is his (and 'only' his) is seen with another man, even a friend or anything similar, ego says "Hey, if other egos sees my lady with someone else, I am less of a man. This is unallowable. I should make her jealous to make her focus on me." \nThis is a broad generalization of course, but it seems that this is the case a lot of the times, and guys hate to admit that they are not in control of the situation. Everyone judges us by the kind of mate we can find. If you have a chunky girlfriend, you are a chubby chaser and cant hack a fine chick. If you have a fine chick, guys envy you but also try to ruin what you got. Its a bit of a juggling act, and mind games are just one way to juggle so many balls in the air at once. On behalf of the thinking man, sorry for the mind games, its a defense mechanism.
283810
Damn, I wish I had his problems, I am a man and I am going through the exact same thing. It's hard when you want to be with a person and you feel they do not want you. I have tried going on trips just the two of you. If nothing else works ask flat out what is up? This was a good month for me, I got it more than once a week, I still had to beg a few times but at least I got it. I know for a fact it is going to be different this month, I will be begging more but I love her.
499121
We always want what we can't have ....\n\nHe was eager and there for you and you said 'no.'  He wanted more and you said 'no.' He has suddenly stopped wanting you and guess what? You miss his attention and companionship.  So what happens next?\n\nA) Do you say that you are sorry and try and make up or ...\nB) Move on and leave the poor guy alone ...\n\nIts your choice, what do you really want? The silly arguments were more to do with his fustration at not being able to move the relationship forward.  Just good friends isn't going to work I'm afraid. You aren't serious just let him be or as I said 'say you are sorry and start being honest about how you feel - if you do! Only you know.
531271
I am so tired of yall asking us about these guys feelings! Hell, we don't know, REALLY, you need to be asking these men or ladies these questions. YOU are showing signs of cowardness by holding back, its 2006, go for what you know.  Yall must be youngins cause aint no grown folks carrying on like this. Well not all of them. I can say for myself that  life is too short to play games,you maynever get another chance, take it from someone who is lonely because I made the wrong decision.... I didnt say anything, now I'll never know if he loved me or not, but I have come to learn the answer...Im sorry i kinda went off there, Just speak your mind and be yourself, it thats is not good enough for them then they are not good enough for you.....sincerely Lonely aka mstwissta
505892
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.\n\nIf he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.\n\nStop making excuses for a man and his behavior.\n\nAllow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.\n\nStop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.\n\nSlower is better.\n\nNever live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.\n\nIf a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.\n\nDon't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.\n\nDon't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.\n\nThe only person you can control in a relationship is you.\n\nAvoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?\n\nAlways have your own set of friends separate from his.\n\nMaintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.\n\nIf something bothers you, speak up.\n\nNever let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.\n\nYou cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.\n\nDon't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.\n\nNever let a man define who you are.\n\nNever borrow someone else's man.\n\nOh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.\n\nA man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.\n\nAll men are NOT dogs.\n\nYou should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.\n\nYou need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship\n\nYou should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.\n\nDating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.\n\nMake him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.\n\nDon't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.\n\nKeep him in your radar but get to know others.