A close friends brother died almost year ago in a small plane crash and the aniiversary of his death is in a week.  My friend was very upset and so was his family and he wasnt normal for a very long time.  I dont know whether I should bring it up, mention it, commemorate it, or say something, or pretend it never happened.  What should I do?
207344
My father died 19 years ago this September. I was 14 year old. We talk about him often but only in fun stories. The 1st anniversary of his death my family including my mom's sisters and my cousins came into town. \nAfter that the years following they did not. I think it was they way my family does it. If that makes sense.\n\nIn answer to your question is I remember my friends and what they did. they called me to let me know they were thinking of me. They did not say I am here for you but just called to say hi like it was any normal day. If I wanted to talk about with them I did if not I didn't. I did it both ways.  but knowing my friends were thinking of me helped. Remember not to say oh how are you doing today. Just call them or if you feel comfortable go over and say hi stick around but also know when to leave. Ask your mother a lady always knows when to leave.\nThe ironic thing about my fathers death day was when I found out I was pregnant I told the doctor that there was one day he could not choose for my baby to be due and that was the day. we fibed to my family and friends and told them the baby was due the day before the anniversary of the day he died. my doctor remembered that I did not want my baby born on that day and he told me that he wanted to induce me so I did not have to be reminded. Isn't that neat that he remembered I did not even have to ask and he was a very bust doctor.\n\nGood Luck and I am sorry for your loss it does get better.
349587
i remember i was so upset when one of my schoolmate's died. she died in a car crash, and this was only a few years ago. even though i didn't know her, i cried for hours. what upset me even more was that, no one seemed to care! everybody continued to do there everyday stuff, no teachers talked about it or anything. a year before, another student died. she was a senior, a very popular one at that. when she died, the whole school was in mourning. this girl, mentioned above, was a freshman when she was killed (along with her mother in a car accident), and no one seemed to mention her. i will never forget how angry that made me feel....\ni think everyone should realize that death comes to everyone. it doesn't matter how old you are because people die at any age. it's very sad, but it's a fact of life. everyone should realize that
61650
Well, I would have to say that the grieving process is different for everybody and while I agree that you should pray for the dead, they understand that you cry because you're saddened at the loss of a person you loved. I see it as an expression of love, that someone cared about me enough to cry over my passing.
88394
Well the answer is it depends on you - you can make it last your life OR you can decide that you were puton this earth to do good and have a fulfiling life.\n\nThe best way to address a loss of a loved one , is to plant a tree in that person's name and nurture it. That way you can use the sadness and make it constructive, I have lost three uncles who were all very close to me to various diseases, and for a year or so I was quite upset and sad.\n\nBut once I decided that I will make them proud of what I will achieve, the sadness lifted and I also met so many nice people along the way.\n\nAbout trying to fit in, give up on that. You don't need to waste your time on that. You are who you are enjoy that, enjoy whatever you do passionately. I'm sure you will meet someone like minded taht way.\n\nTake for instance I love playing tennis and racket games. And ever since I decided instead of saying I liked it to actually join a club and play it regularly I've met so many interesting people, and often we go out to see plays and concerts etc...\n\nAbout your kid, make sure he or she has a strong foundation in integrity and justice and you have done your part. Why don't you spend sometime like taking your kid to meet up with someone you really admired, so that your kid could also meet someone who has achieved something.\n\nAlways have a smile and you'll be surprised how many people would be drawn to you. Oh yeah, also try to remember a person's name, birthdate and their favourite pastimes. If you send anyone a birthday card, you will be good freinds for life...its that extra touch people want in thsi busy world...\n\nGod bless\nrgds\n*gazer
113217
what?? anyway....it's better to tell a person waht youf eel before it's to late....you'll regret if you'll not bea able to tell it....like what happen to me.....huhuhuhu..\nyou can do that....
142276
I'm very sorry about your grandfather's death.  Unless you have some other reason to think so, I wouldn't agonize over whether it's a clue or not.  You may never find a reason.\n\nI've heard of people cutting verses out that they didn't like or didn't understand.  Especially in older generations.  I don't know why your grandfather did.\n\nI can understand you wanting to know answers.  How open is your family to talking about him?  Is there someone who knew him really well that you could ask without fear of hurting them?\n\nIf his death is really recent, you may want to give people some time before bringing them your concerns.\n\nSuicide is usually about feeling hopeless.  It's so sad when people reach that point and don't feel like they can reach out and get help.\n\nPlease don't agonize over this.  Take your grief to God and let Him heal your heart.  He is our hope.  Don't lose sight of Him.\n\nAnd keep your good memories of your grandfather.  His life is more than his final act.
332814
You mourn.  You remember and cherish the good times you had with him.  You might even do something to honor his memory.  And you wait for time to heal that wound his death made in your heart.  Trust me, the healing will come.
286846
We are not comfortable thinking or discussing the subject of our own death. What you said about the mumbling hit home, because I do the same thing. It is so difficult to \nsay the same thing over and over like 'sorry to hear of your loss,' 'you have my sympathies,' but it is done by \nme. Even when making those statements it seems like such a cop out, so meaningless, but yet it is proper and acceptable and makes the person saying it feel just a wee bit better.\n\nI like the idea of celebrating someones life, even if we did not know them. Statements such as ' I am sure your loved one lead a full and happy life' seem much more acceptable to me, unless of course they were complete, bumbling, idiots. If that were the case the person would probably correct you immediately.\n\nWe are not good talking about death, it's uncomfortable. Don't feel badly Freyja, you have plenty of company.
31127
I think one of the most appreciated ways to comfort a grieving person is to tell them how the deceased had touched your life, such as a short story or a character quality about the person. And then close by telling them that you are sorry for their loss and that s/he will be in your thoughts and prayers.\n\nKnowing their loved one was important to others is like salve to a wound.
127023
For sure you are carrying a lot of grief and anger over the circumstances that led to your sisters death. It would help you to talk about this to others on a more personal basis. Have you ever thought about joining a support group for people who have lost family members suddenly as a result of violence or disasters? Below is a link that might be of some help to you. You have my sympathy. I lost my bro to a car crash several years ago, and I'm still angry with the people who helped cause the accident but I don't let it run my life anymore. Good luck to you, and God bless you.
608245
Live a life that is worthy of him being your friend!\n\nNo easy way to get over a loss, but I am sure he would be glad to know he is missed!\n\nHE would not want you to be crippled by this though, so by living a life of honor, people will reflect that to the friends he had. People associate you to the people you are friends with so be a great person and honor his memory!
165853
Try to get him some help, hes been traumatized by that event and doesn't know how to express that. Good luck to you guys!!
23671
Losing a close relative takes considerable time for the person to grieve and heal. Make sure she knows that you're there for her if she would like to talk, and call her or visit every so often ( twice a week sounds good ), just so she knows you're still her friend. Practice being a good listener, and never, ever tell her to "snap out of it." People grieve and heal at their own rates and cannot rush the process.
414558
I wouldn't say anything about prayers. That could be taken as offensive (if he's atheist), despite meaning well. It personally makes me feel a tad uncomfortable when people say they'll pray for me. I appreciate the sentiment, but it's still kind of off-putting. I would say that you send your best wishes and your hopes and thoughts are with him and his family in this difficult time.
358033
Well this one is good if you have a Jewish friend, especially if his grandparents we're in a concentration camp during WWII (hopefully they we're but hey, it's only a joke). So if he starts talking about how his grandparents were in a camp during WWII, come in casually and say "Yeah, my grandfather died in a concentration camp too." pause for him to say something to the affect of "oh I'm sorry to hear that."  When he does there's your opening, say "Yeah I know, the poor bastard fell from a watch tower."
22233
You should talk with your friend about the situation...if you aren't doing anything to provoke the situation then you shouldn't worry but I would definitely encourage you to talk with your friend.
240820
Personally I would want someone to tell me. I mean really you could be saving someones life by telling them that. If they get an attitude just apologize and figure you probably won't see them again so who cares but I would definitely say something if I were in your shoes.