It started with her going on vacation to cancun by herself for a week in feb. She met a guy the last couple days and they hit it off and became great "friends." She was gushing about him even as I picked her up from the airport. And she had beautiful boyfriend/girlfriend type pictures of them together. But she kept denying it was anything but friendship, even after I found they were phoning and emailing each other. I had just bought her an engagement ring but had not popped the question. And still haven't. Things were not adding up so I figured out her password to her email and found they were calling each other names like "my mister blue eyes" or my "beautiful russian girl" and if they missed each other discussing if she would like to come visit him over the summer and meet up when he came to town soon for a meeting. Worse yet, her email password was HIS NAME. She still denies any romantic involvement, says she has done nothing wrong but will stop anyway. She hasn't. What should I do?
200319
Not seeing the whole picture is a problem. Did you have any type of a commitment before she went on that vacation? And why was she alone on vacation? Living together? Dating regularly and exclusively? If you never told her you were seriously interested in a long term romantic relationship because your one of those people who never reveals your true feelings, then what do you expect. You need to tell her how you feel. Don't propose -it is time to take a major step backwards. Show her the ring, so she will know how serious you WERE. DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER! Return it! Let her know if she is interested then you need a commitment and you must do the same. If she would rather stay "friends" then you must realize that is all you will ever be and get over her.
403679
First of all she is waiting for you to contact her, as she turned you down, she is probably wondering if you are still talking/friends with her. \nShe dosen't wanna change the relationship because the way it is feels safe, and she dosen't wanna change/risk that. By her saying that she dosen't deserve you shows she is maybe a bit insecure and has been hurt in the past, she feels she wouldn't live up to your expectations, Saying your easy means she would be worried that you wouldn't stay faith ful, or you would be off with the next bit of skirt that looked your way, is it that she has seen you cheat or heard how you talk even when your with someone?\nTrust her when she says she wouldn't lie, chill out, txt her saying your sorry if you put her in a difficult situation but it's was because how lovely you think she is, then go back to normal, go out like normal, don't put it off or you''ll both feel weird, just from now on make sure you don't chat up girls in front of her or talk about cheating etc, then you never know, maybe next time she'll be asking you, if it's meant to be you'll get together in time.
66963
One of the worst things about dating a man like this, is that he is never going to be around for the holidays! Christmas, Valentines Day, Birthdays, Halloween...(just kidding) well you get the idea. And she will never be able to meet his friends or the friends of their marriage, and basically she is the secret, in his life. Usually a married man is very romantic to the *other* woman. However all the sneaking around, the late phone calls, etc...she will wake up and cry over it one day when she will need to call someone for something very important and he will not be able to be there for her! This is when she will realize that the intimacy they share is kind of false! Usually the *mistress* enjoys the passion and the excitment! However in the end...it reflects that she is wasting her time and energy, on a selfish man that she is best not to marry, because all the *wife trashing* he talks, will only be switched on her! She has a low self esteem to accept a relationship like this in the first place! That is why, I think.
51280
man you just need to give her some time to be sure of your feelings and any way it look like the women are having a trust problem with the men so i suggest to keep sending her flowers and you know you should express what you feel and turn your feelings into words and tell them to her and just be honest
580968
SNAP!!!!!!\n\ndid the same thing with a guy i met on her too. stayed up all hours just chatting about stuff and listing old songs! \n\nok, here's what i think. when you meet someone you just 'click' with, it is easy to get carried away with yourself and be consumed with it all. thats not to say that there is not anything serious there. all i am saying is reality is often different to fantasy.\n\nme and the guy i'm still chatting too met a couple of weeks ago. he is a great guy but i think we both felt that reality was a little different. we still chat and i am due to see him again shortly.\n\nwhat we decided was to take things slowly, get to know eachother better as friends as see what develops from that. it's the most sensible option i think.
272085
OK, in the perfect world, if you want to have a healthy marriage, you should not contact this other woman and just go on living your every day life. And that is just fine and dandy, if only your mind didn't keep drifting away towards this other girl. Maybe it keeps drifting because it's a new and exciting part of your life you don't have anymore, since being married can get to be "boring" or just not as adventurous as it was in the beggining. That is totally understandable. \nWhat you didn't mention, is that if this girl is still contacting you? Has she given up on you? If she has, then it means that she just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing, she's not interested in you in any other way. \nI think you will always wonder "what could have been", until you have some closure in this part of your life. If you do decide to contact her again, you should meet face to face and tell her what she meant to you and how it felt to let her go. But remember that you are a different person now, as is she, in totally different circumstances.\nI don't think an honest luncheon to clear the air, and to put your mind and feelings at ease would be that bad.\nAs long as you know where to draw the line, and as long as you understand that you are a married man with different obligations now.\nGood luck man. Tough call.
410757
She is moving waaaaay too fast!!  (My own opinion, of course!)\n\nYou are going in the right direction.  Distance can be a wonderful asset to building a relationship.  If forces the two to go beyond that initial "lust" and "infatuation" stuff and build a truly lasting friendship as well as deep relationship.  But, if one of the members is pushing for drastic change, well, I would be a little leery and wonder why?\nIf this is something you both want and think is going to last a lifetime, why go storming into it before you really get a chance to build that solid foundation?\nBut talk to her, keep building the way you are.  I believe in slow and lasting rather than wham bam, and gone!\nGood luck!
20688
It's not wrong to want to meet her at all.  It seems odd that she does not want to meet you though.  Maybe she is hiding something or maybe she lied about her appearance.  Then again maybe she is simply scared to meet you because you two have never actually physically been together.  Either way you need to start asking her some questions.  I really don't see any reason why she wouldn't want to see you if you were truely in love.
245515
Well if she isn't  up set about it, don't worry about it.  It's her problem not yours.  Sounds like it up sets your more then her.  Like some one else said if they are contacting her she left an e-mail add.  Her morals went to heck in a hand basket.
239764
It sounds like she has a very controlling husband.  Maybe email is the only alternative she has for keeping your friendship.  I would continue emailing and just be patient and perhaps she will be able to get together with you at some point.  Is the option open for YOU to just pop by her house to see her?
74835
It is always tempting to believe all that you read in a nother person's letters. But to be honest with you, and I am a woman of experience, so I know, many girls enjoy the power of toying with a man's emotions.\nYou wrote:\nAnd adviced me that all american girls are like this \nThis is not true, through there are many. This girl may indeed be very shy but I sincerely doubt it. She asks you to come to America to meet with her because she knows you can't afford the money, or time away from your studies. It is a safe request she can make to "prove" she cares about you and makes you look as if you don't care for her as much as she cares for you.\nIf she really cares for you, she would be trying to help find enough money to help pay for your flight over and back. Has she offered? \nYou wrote:\nAnd also she says that she never had a boy friend in her life because she was afraid to confront a boy Face to Face  Could this really Happen ins a country like America?\n Yes, sadly we as a culture, grant status and love to the more attractive people. Those with less than perfect looks are often left to lonliness. She may be afraid of rejection. \n  Why not test her? Tell her you may have found a way to get the money. Ask her to set a date for your arrival. If she's overjoyed, she's sincere but if she makes a lot of excuses and refuses to set a firm date, then she's playing with you. You can explain later that you were unable to raise the money.\n\nIt is my advice that you find a girl closer to home. Long distance romances are painful and almost never work out.
32356
If you think she is hiding something, she probably is.  I am 38, and I would have to say we don't have any certain characteristics.  I am assuming you are involved in a relationship with this person?  If thats the case, you need to reevalute the situation.  Seems to me you are lacking trust, honesty, and communication.  Why would you even want to persue it?
420646
Sounds suspicious to me.  Are you sure she's his ex?  How long have you been together?  Call her back and have a girl to girl talk.  She'll give you her side of the story.
412032
Ouch this is quite mind-boggling.  Ok, on one hand give her credit for being honest that she had feelings for a male friend but then this would lead to you feeling your on shaky grounds and of course distrust would stem up. Now the problem with trust is that we all know, without trust there is no relationship.  You say it took months to rebuild your trust in her.  And then once again she drops a bomb on you by saying 'off-handedly' she got a text from 'brad'. I'm wondering if your girlfriend is considerate about your feelings? It sounds a tad selfish to me.  If I had feelings for someone else I wouldn't go telling my partner I would actually just sit there and tell myself to get over it, that what it really is, is just lust and temptation. Because the more I think about the 'other' guy the more trouble I would cause for myself and my partner.  It's like a test.  To see how strong you are to resist temptation.  Well this kind of test was for your girlfriend and she didn't have to go blahblahblah on you about having feelings for 'brad' without dealing with it first.  The minute it came out of her mouth it caused a reaction to you and how you felt.  Now she was texting him over a 'girlfriend'?! and she called him to see what he was 'up to?!'.  My bad but why should she be so concerned about his girlfriend? If there was feelings still there for 'Brad' she would be comparing herself to this 'girlfriend' and also she seeking attention to 'brad' to boost her esteem and attention?  Maybe you have given her too much love? Maybe she is taking you for granted because she knows you will always love her? If you cannot fully trust her, it is really up to you what you want to do.  It is your choice how you would want to feel.  Nothing will change unless you make the effort of changing it. And remember you must of felt something because it caused you to check her cell phone history, what does that tell you?  Good luck, I hope you find the answer to your problem.
413505
i can see why im confused to.it sounds like she saying dont worry we will f*ck if anything. just try not to get attached till you  figure her out just dont waste to much of your time.it sounds like a game.she probably has another on the side and wants to see who can offer her more. in that case the good guy always loses.
222857
Love and trust cannot be forced. I appears to me that she has trust issues in the first place if she can't let go of something that she knows to be false. Of course, there is also the chance that something else is affecting her decision. Ask her to tell you why she won't return your calls, if she says she doesn't want to talk to you, you best let go. You could also try dropping communication to zero for a couple of weeks. You might make her curious and she might even come to ask YOU what's going on. Then you two can talk it out and figure out what is best for each of you. Hope these ideas can help you. Good luck. \n\nTo everyone else, It isn't fair to automatically consider someone to be a "moron" or "stalker" without knowing all the details. I think this person deserves the benefit of the doubt. We have all seen much worse than this. Thanks.
541640
These posts paint a worse picture than there really is.\n\nFirst, you have to consider several things. \n\n1. How did you meet this girl?\n\nWas it an unsolicited email from her? Or did you find it on a "free" dating website? Or a forum posting, "looking for a man"?\n\n2. How long have you written to her?\n\nA month? A couple? A few? 6 months? Do you talk on the phone at all, or just email?\n\n3. How old is she and how old are you?\n\nUkrainian women from 17-22 usually don't care about age difference. Beyond that, 10-15 years age difference is prefered, but nothing more (usually).\n\n4. Help bringing her here if you marry. It's not so hard, yet the most difficult is the US Embassy in Kiev (the only US Embassy in Ukraine).\n\nI'd be happy to talk to you in Yahoo regarding this. Don't waste money on lawyers. They charge too much for what you can do yourself.\n\nYou can view a good topic on what to look for, to tell a scam, at http://www.elenasmodels.com . She runs a reputable dating site, and has a whole section of tips regarding scams.\n\nIf you want a cursory check to see if she is real, contact me via email (it's available in my profile). I live in Ukraine with my wife, who I met on the internet. \n\nIt's not so scarey.