Everything was fine in our marriage n then I found out my husband is spending more time on net n chatting with girls,he knows some of 'em before marriage too n used to chat/talk on phone,well he is not doing anything PHYSICALLY its just the chat ting,he told me he was a virgin before marriage but then I found about his sexual relationships with other women before marriage ,he hid all the information,he kept chatting during my pregnancy too,now he says he is a changed man n he has stopped doing all this but I dont believe him,he may be still chatting n flirting with 'em,I wanna take divorce but I have huge family pressure n most of all I m concered about my baby who's few months old,I dont wanna live with my husband but at the same time I dont have any options,whats the guarantee of finding someone trustworthy,I think all guys r same,I have lost faith in everything now,I even developed depression,my husband always avoids this topic,I dont have anyone to talk to,help me what to do ?
201296
Is getting rid of the computer an option? Also, do you think that the computer is the ONLY place he flirts? Most likely not I'd say. You deserve better. Maybe try a trial separation - do you have family that you can live with? Make him realize what he has in you.
361475
Once the passion has faded and you've been living under this bad cloud, it's hard to change your feelings about someone.  It's been a lot of water under the bridge.  With respect to you family and children, it might be too much to expect that you will find the magic again with your husband, even though you've become able to stand your own ground.  Contrary to those that will advise you to go to counseling and turn to religion, my guess is that it is a lost cause.  Thus your choice is to remain, yet life a double life which includes a discrete affair, or just part ways and move on.  Good luck with this decision, it's not easy for anyone.  Enjoy!
118153
Dear girl, Oh my... I wish you had asked for advice 2 years ago; perhaps much of your pain could have been avoided.\n\nYou say you two have NOT been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and you are still with him. WHY are you still in this relationship? He's NOT committed to you and hasn't been for 2 years! Is he sleeping with other women? Are you sleeping w/ other men? Have you even thought about the risk of HIV and AIDS? You two have a child now. And my dear, why did you get pregnant with a man who hasn't been committed to you? You should never have sex with any man who is not committed to you. He gets sex, you get hurt. It happens every time. Unfortunately, you are not the  only one getting hurt; you have made a baby and brought your child into this situation. \n\nDo you two still live together because you have a child, or because it's easier than moving out? Let me ask you, does he support you and your child financially? Are you you paying any of the bills? Are you paying bills for your baby? If your baby's father is not supporting you 100% emotionally AND financially, then you are better off leaving for good, once and for all. I am sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he may be using this "money issue" as an excuse and he doesn't have the guts to get out of the relationship. Some men can't handle being fathers, especially if they are not in love with the baby's mother. Having a baby brings a couple in love even closer, but couples who are not in love do not get closer after the baby is born.\n\nI wish I could tell you otherwise, but I definitlely think it's time for you both to be grownups. Living the way you both are is not the adult, responsible way to solve this problem. Make an agreement regarding the child's support and visitation and part company amicably. Many women with small children meet other men who do love them and will be committed to them and their child/children. My father met my mother when she was a yound divorcee with a 2 year old and married her and proceeded to have 2 more children with her. They were married 53 years until he passed. There is hope for you to do the same.\n\nIf you are not good with $$$, then take some money management classes (@ a local school, community college, aid center). You will need these skills whether you are on your own or not. \n\nIf you were not honest regarding $$$ with your partner, then I suggest you get to church, temple, etc., and you start being honest with God and yourself. Remember, you have a child you need to be teaching good values to now. If you were honest, then you're okay there, but going to a place to have a relationship with God will still be powerful for you at this time. \n\nYou CAN start a new and better life. Don't give up on yourself, no matter how hard it may be at times!
437478
I don't know about you sweetie, but an addiction is an addiction, and he is addicted.  Marriage is Respect, Admiration Passion and Trust.  For sure the first two are not there, since this is grinding on you.  And Passion is a bit tuff, if he oogles 13 year old girls on the computer,,, eeewwwwww.   You may trust him not to betray you by cheating, but hey, I trust my dog too. You don't have a marriage, you just don't know it yet.  You have a rommate..... Porn addiction is about the toughest thing of all to cure. ..... next question is why did you marry this jerk???? and in my eyes, any guy addicted to porn is a jerk.  How do you not find this disgusting????  And why are you still there????  In your place, I'd dump him and get out of this marriage.....You'll only grow to resent this crap as the years go on.... If you have children, you want this guy to be their father?????Sorry, sweetie, you asked
578704
I think you already know.  You are not happy in this marriage, your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all.   You don't see any way to get him to change and you don't want to live this way.  I don't like to recommend divorce but if all you say is true than I think that would be the best thing if you want a happy future for yourself.
320908
Get over him. He obviously has no respect for women or himself. He strung you along while he was out looking for something more convenient. Now he's with a married woman, he does not want a commitment.
573039
Honey, it's absolutely NOT you!!!  You are YOU, not just his wife.  You are an adult and should be able to be friends with others, hobbies other than what he likes, etc.  You DON'T have to do everything together.  You are you're own person.  The fact that he doesn't trust you with  male co-workers is a classic sign that HE should NOT be trusted because his way of thinking is "Well, if I'm capable of doing it, she must be doing it too".  \n\nYou should not have to walk on eggshells in your own house.  My husband and I were having some problems and he made me feel like everything I did was wrong.  He got irritated by every move I made and everything I said and did and we were miserable.  I was so confused because it was my first (and hopefully only) marriage and I was extremely disappointed in marriage and him.  \n\nOne day I had an epiphany.  I was letting myself be changed by him.  I no longer stood up for what I thought and what I did or did not like.  I was no longer ME.  I hate to be crude, but one day I thought to myself "What the f*ck is wrong with me?  He married me.  All my thoughts, flaws, mistakes, passions, talents, everything.....and I've been hiding myself.  Well, screw that!!!" \n\nHe came home from work and I told him.  I WILL BE MYSELF AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN LEAVE BECAUSE I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT YOU AND BE HAPPIER.  IT'S YOUR CHOICE.\n\nTo tell the truth, our marriage has never been better and I'm crazy about him.  If he gets slightly irritated at something I do, too bad.  Everyone isn't perfect and he certainly isn't.  Suck it up, Man!!!  You are far from perfect!\n\nIf he doesn't change, get out.  Life is too short to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you for everything you are.  Be yourself.\n\nTake care,\n\nJoyce
252448
I really think you guys need to sit down and talk.  Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.  trust me, not talking is worse. My husband and I never talked about our feelings, and if your on here a lot you know my situation. If not, after 20yrs. of marriage, I'm looking at DIVORCE.
602491
Emily, first before you can do anything about changing the way you feel you need to find out why he stopped wanting to have sex with you. Sometimes men see us as Mothers instead of a wife when we are pregnant and that stops them, when they are like it this it does break that bond as wife and husband. If he is cheating then you need to find out why he has done this to you and his daughter. Talk with him and not in a accusing way but just tell him how your feeling and that you want to get close to him again. I have no idea why a man would do this.
453398
Wow, the answers you got so far sure cover the spectrum! I'm always amazed by those who are so quick to tell you exactly what to do, especially not knowing you or all the details of your situation. Only you know those, and only you can decide what course of action to take. I can sympathize, I'm in the exact same situation only in reverse. I call my wife my room mate because you don't usually fool around with a room mate. We just grew apart and she has nothing to do with me. Like you, I am hurt, angry and very lonely. I too struggled with this dilemma. If you're like me, the rest of your life is probably pretty good. You're just not happy, lacking what you desperately need. You sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of your marriage, your life, and everything you've built with this man. You also have regrets, many people marry thinking the other will change. When they don't, it's a disappointment. People only force change if they want to. he is who he is. For me, I've met a very special lady. I'm tired of being miserable. I believe everything happens for a reason. Being with another woman may finally help me see which course of action to take. I honestly have no idea how this will play out. As for you, you have to decide what you want out of life.
256940
Well in my opinion I believe your husband feels you are going to Dr. Phil for help instead of him, but if he is like most men, they do not help anyway.  Have you talked to counselors before about your feelings?  I think you need to find a good friend or a counselor to get this out and have someone to talk to about it.  I don't think it is healthy to go back to older harder times always, but sometimes it is good, it is just what we need Women need to cry sometimes, now when I say sometimes I am not referring to everyday ;) I hope one day you can let the past go some. Hope you find someone that you can talk to also. Goodluck
210616
There's something u need to talk to your husband about but I doubt that he will talk to you about it. I went thru the same thing with mine the last year or so of my marriage and decided to leave because he wouldn't open up.\nWe went to a councelor once but he wouldn't Talk about it or whatever it was. He wouldn't even talk to the councelor except to make it all look like my fault. So I don't know if he was gay or not. He had a thing about his best friend too. He always told me nobody could ever seperate them and I never ever tried anyway. But I often wondered why he would get so hyped up about going out of town on those long trips with his buddy. I thought at the time it was natural that men had a best buddy and I suppose It is for some. There could have been something else going on besides that. He never wanted me to go but a time or two I wanted to just to get away for awhile but he didn't want me to go. Yours could be having an affair with a woman, mine could have been too. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm over it but still puzzled. Good Luck. Maybe you can get yours to open up.
466732
I've just been through a similar situation, leave leave leave.  I found out that not only was my husband doing the on-line thing, that he cheated on me before we were even married.  You have found out that he lied to you, then you can never believe him again.  If you do stay it will be a long hard road to happiness let me tell you.  Hes playing you for a fool if you believe his pathetic lies.  My husband was chatting on-line and talking to one women on the phone (he fessed up that he's known her for 10 years for god sake, didn't think to share that little bit of information did he) in our home while I was there!!! Incredably my husband didn't even think this was an issue - its called having an emotional affair - its still an affair just not physical but its still a violation of your marriage vows and that shows he isn't committed to you what so ever
597672
My first question is , if you felt you could Never trust him 100% why did you marry this man? Was it convenience? Get out, tell him its over your moving on blah blah blah.. I know its not that easy, trust me I know.. You know the old saying "been there, done that". Right now he's abusing your relationship, playing on your emotions, he knows how to get at you. Don't allow him, stand your ground. Your not happy there is no reason to continue this with him. Ask your friends for help or family.If that's not possible look into your local women's help shelter, there is help out there to get out of situations like this. If your unhappy there is NO reason to stay Hun.
665177
I'm confused.. When you say you were speaking to other men.. is that all then? I don't see anything wrong w/that. You say tho 'he stayed w/me' and I don't know why he wouldn't (if it was just conversation.) You say he had a secret relationship.. was it sexual? You two both sound kind of jealous/possessive.. I mean I am basing this on the assumption there was nothing sexual involved in any of this. (If there was, that's a different story..) Let me see here.. He treats you like crap.. I take it that's the real issue on hand here.. I think men are kind of like babies (I'm married to one.. lucky me..) or they want their cake/ to eat it too.. they want us to cook and clean (and spread 'em) but on the other hand they want their 'freedom' to screw around on us at the same time. (We can't do anything along the same line tho..) that sux, right? He stayed because he's been with you and while the other gal's 'something new/exciting & different' you're the one he's 'used to living with' I am thinking. (Hell, this is depressing me!!) Hey, I DO think you've got value/self worth, dont' get me wrong! I'm just kinda bitter about men is all.. It sounds like my marriage of l4 years (boring.. I'm bored..) My ole man's an asshole (cuts me down) and then developed (or so he claims) e.d. so he tries to do the oral thing (doing me 'one big goddamned favor') on me for sex (but it's wearing thin or gettin' old I mean.. fast..) I want to dump him too.. (I think you want to dump THIS guy..) do it!! that's my 'valuable' advice for ya
255519
I want to meet Playfultoyz - my kind of woman.  Seriously tho - sit down and talk with your husband.  That is not normal and something is going on.  Get the truth out of him and see where you need to go from their (professional help or divorce).  Don't cheat as you will lose your own self respect.  Flirting is OK - it makes us all feel good!  But don't take it any further.  Resolve this issue first!  Best of luck!\nJoe
639115
Steph,\n\nI'm sorry to hear how things are turning out.  Someone earlier said you need to copy & paste this question and send it to him.  Basically I agree.  Marriage takes work - sometimes a lot of work.\n\nI wouldn't pretend to know how your relationship was before the pregnancy, but a lot of marriages struggle when the mad, passionate sex starts to subside.\n\nI think it is time you got these issues out in the open in a non-threatening way - not during a fight.  Many couples deal with similar issues - a pro might be a lot of help.  If that isn't practacle, you might start off by being more up-front with him.  Tell him what is on your mind and ask him to do the same.\n\nYou might be surprised by his answers.   Hopefully, you will both reach a better understanding of each other.  It is sometimes tough for a guy to be "involved" but it is a legitimate need you have and one he needs to work to fulfill.  \n\nHe has needs too, do what you can.  My guess is that he will be more receptive to working to please you if he senses you are making a concerted effort to do the same.\n\nAlso, recognize that you both are under a lot of stress.  Marriage, a new baby, job, etc.  It is a to deal with.  You also need to ask him some hard questions about your weight.  Is his love for you conditional on your appearance?  If so, what happens when you get old?\n\nWell, good luck.\nC