So here is the deal, met a woman about 3 years ago...good girl...attractive....responsible, etc.  Got married last year.  Since then I have tried everything from hints to getaways and the sex we have WHEN we have it is pretty basic.  Nothing freaky.  She doesn't talk dirty, her sex drive is minimal, she is just like a plain jane.  I don't know how else to put it.  I'm attractive, good body, good tools, good knowledge of the bedroom sports,etc.  Yet it's just boring.  Tried porn, toys, dressup nights, etc.  She just does not get into it.  Says she's always been like that.  From a woman's POV what can I do?  Is she set in her ways?  I have not cheated and don't plan on it but damn.......I need a chick that'll rock my boat.
213061
Men and women have completely different needs when it comes to sex, usually. No, you can't change her. But there may be a deep seated reason she is the way she is. Perhaps something she hasn't shared with you or some fear.\n\nIf it is that troublesome for you, see a sex therapist or start marriage counseling.
370118
I'm in the same boat as you... just use this time to re-center yourself.  Go out and just sit and have a beer by yourself.  Just sit and think.  A similar soul might approach you and share in your misery for a while.  Eventually, it will pass.  If you want a shortcut (which I'm not recommending); playing on a girl in a weak situation will make you feel powerful if a little guilty.  I am NOT advocating date rape of ANY SORT!  However, alot of guys are too nice for their own good and don't realize that a 24 year old woman is completely in control of her situation.  Smooth talking and being a player does not necessarily mean you are taking advantage of someone.  Girls like sex just as much as guys, and almost every girl worth her salt has some douchebag at home that they are on the rocks with.  In other words, go hook up with someone hot, by any means necessary short of physical force or breaking up a marriage.  It will boost your confidence in the short run, but don't forget the "re-centering your self" part.  It's the only way you will find true happiness.
241588
why on earth would you get that she's been cheating out of that? she was trying to express to you that she is worried about the lack of sex, she's afraid you are unhappy and unsatisfied with the situation and she wanted you to know that it is because she is tired and not because she doesn't want you sexually. didn't you hear what she said? why are you looking for a hidden agenda? i hope you aren't like that all the time or your marriage is going to be hell. when women talk they say what they mean, just listen and you'll have the answers  you need. she was trying to let you know that she cares about how you feel about this and you hear that she's been cheating???? wtf!
62946
Dude you cann't make chicken soup out of just water. The point being you can't make her something she not. Seems your sex drive is no where close to hers. It could be you two just don't match up.\n\n It will not get better, maybe you jusy don't turn her on. With a lady its about all things the way you treat her and talk, how you make her feel. Its also maybe your just not  sexually incompatible. You need to think she is not enjoying the sex as much as you.\n\n There is alot more to this then can be talk about on this short note.\n\n Also you could try this, either cook her a nice dinner or take her out to dinner. when you get home just put on some good music just make the connection that you once had. \n\nIts not good to have her think all you want is sex. \n\nHave a nice day Don
134710
why did you get married to her if you are getting a divorce four months later? that is just silly! i don't understand what the problem is or was. can you explain more? you should love your wife no matter what. and at least you have had sex more than i have and i have been married six months.we are still very happy and plan to keep it that way. you don't have to have sex to be happy. that is not all marriage is about.
2831
I agree with the suggestion to maybe tell her she could bring a friend along when you meet for the 1st time, this would put her more at ease and make her feel safer.\nI notice that you said you met on your phone..I assume a telephone chat line??Have you exchanged pics??\nShe also seems like she has maybe been in some not so great situations and has some concerns about guys just wanting to meet her for sex??\nHave you discussed this with her??Does she know what it is that you are looking for clearly??\nIF you are not looking for sex but rather are interested in her without sex being a focal point..do what you can to reassure her of that.\nGood Luck
314073
Everyone answering your question is absolutely correct. However, I hear your plea and understand your plight so I have a suggestion for you that I take from experience. Your wife can also be your mistress and this adds excitement and eroticism to your relationship without cheating or leaving your vows of commitment.\nHere's how we did it. My wife would leave the house on a Friday evening shortly before me, dressed as if she were out for a singles night, and we had a planned 'meeting' place where she would go and I would find her there. For this 'meeting' we used different names, ones that each of us picked for the other. Upon arriving at the place of choice she would appear to be single and possibly there would already be someone attempting to make flirtatious conversation with her which only added to the drama of the plan. It was my place to search her out as if she was an available single female and show my prowess in gaining her attentions and affections. I won't go into the night of details as I'm sure you can fill in the blanks yourself but I am sure you can see how this could be very stimulating to your relationship without the need for a total stranger to satisfy your fantasy's.
287756
How was the rest of the relationship?  There's much more to a marriage than not cheating.  Did you appreciate her or take her for granted?  Love on her or hit on her?  Listen to her or ignore her?  Care if you made her happy or content because you were?  Many things can make a relationship go astray.  Step back and take a look thru her eyes.  \nAnd then there are those that just don't appreciate a good think or know when they have one.  Which one does this describe?
648594
Dodger, let me ask you what do you think this new woman will be like after you leave your wife? Will she actually be the woman you have always dreamed about? She is willing to see a married man so she is not a God fearing woman to be able to do that. If a woman will do this she isn't much of a woman. Now if she and you are not seeing each other that might be different but if she is willing to see you knowing full well you are married whether happy in the marriage or not...then give this more serious thought. Will she do the same to you when she grows tired of you and how do you know she is your soul mate if you two have not been together talking and showing affection? I would really wonder about a man or woman who would see someone who is married. Try spending the extra time your thinking about this soul mate and you just might be amazed what it can do for your marriage..
674704
From what I understand from talking to my fiance, sometimes guys get so into it and so involved and excited that they can't "finish". I don't really understand it either, but believe me, we've been through it too. It's completely understandable since you waited until you were married to go for it(congrats on that by the way).I suggest just telling him to slow down and try to enjoy the moment more. Once he starts relaxing he'll come around..I promise :0)
303301
Why not get creative and enjoy her. How a woamn looks does not determine the level of her sexual being. Stop boring her and man up pup.
178154
Being a mature woman myself, I have to tell you that it will take patience & work on your part,but do know that it will be well worth the trouble. Most women ,of any age, need to be reassured that they are attractive & desirable. Try to think of your Wife as a Girlfriend that you are trying to impress.You will find yourself being more romantic & thoughtful towards her. This will help her start to like herself again & her sexual desires will return. IF YOU ARE PATIENT ENOUGH.Or should I say...IF YOU LOVE HER ENOUGH!! You could also ask her if she has any  sexual fantasies,or if she would tell you what she would prefer that you do. Sometimes, when a woman isn't in the mood... It would please both of you if she were to please you ;-). This should be expected only on occasion. It sometimes works also to make an agreement ahead of time,to just cuddle,kiss & rub your hands all over each other,but DO NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE. Just knowing that it is just for stimulation & nothing more,will excite both of you. Then plan for the next time to do the same ...BUT... agree that if she wants to go farther you will,if not,enjoy the closeness you have achieved & go for the next time. As I said, PATIENCE. IT WILL BE WORTH IT FOR BOTH OF YOU, I PROMISE.   P.S. If you are as mature as she is... Your time is coming too.
633669
well you can try to mix it up alittle. try role playing or throwing some toys into the mix that usually makes it interesting. if you are seeing her lose intrest as well you could change your outlook on see how many times you could get her off or even tease her till she gets crazy. diffrent things you can do go to some websites and look up fun weekends or games to play will add alittle spark here and there to peak your intrest and im sure your wife will greatly appreciate it as well.
449589
Real simple: MARRY HER! What you're implying- SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE- is called "fornication" by God, which is SIN! You are VERY SELFISH! All you want to do is USE HER for your own gratification! The fact that you say you want to "convince her to go farther" PROVES this! You need to REPENT OF YOUR WICKEDNESS! See yourself as a LOST, GUILTY, HELL DESERVING SINNER! You are guilty of breaking God's law! "Thou shalt not commit adultery". Jesus said that if you "look on a woman to lust after her", you've "committed adultery with her already in your heart." (Matthew 5:27&28). Dude, you are A SLAVE TO YOUR PASSIONS! You are CONSUMED WITH LUST! Sex and all of the wonderful feelings that go with it are GOD GIVEN, and therefore "very good" as He pronounced after He had made Adam and Eve. But they were MARRIED! And that is why they were "naked and not ashamed". I would dare to say that your "girlfriend" is not your FIRST "fling", IS SHE? Are you still A VIRGIN? Even if you are OUTRIGHT, it's obvious you're not IN YOUR HEART! And I can guarantee that you are hooked on PORN, right? That stuff is DEADLY! You fill your mind and heart with ALL SORTS OF FILTH AND PERVERSION AND WICKEDNESS, and then you wonder WHY you have NO CONTROL over your passions! You're a slave to SATAN! The Bible rightly calls the devil "the god of this world". He ALWAYS takes what God has created as good and right and beautiful and perverts it into something very UGLY AND WICKED AND WRONG! That is what SIN is all about! The Bible speaks of "the pleasures of sin FOR A SEASON." You can "go all the way" or "part way", but EITHER WAY, it's still S-I-N!!! And it's basis is PRIDE! Notice how BOTH of those words have the letter "i" in the center! That's your problem: you are SELF CENTERED! You need to REPENT (turn from your sin and yourself) and TRUST IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TO SAVE YOU FROM YOUR SINS AND THE WRATH TO COME! One day you will die, and then you'll have to face the inevitable: ACCOUNTABILTY TO YOUR CREATOR FOR EVERY THOUGHT, WORD AND DEED! God loves you, and that's why Jesus Christ died on the cross for you! I beseech you sir: TURN FROM YOUR WICKED, SELF CENTERED WAYS TO CHRIST! And you need to do so TODAY! Tomorrow is too late! (You do NOT know when you'll die, now, DO YOU?) Quit being like so many OTHER guys today: A SELF CENTERED WHOREMONGER! Stop having this SICKENING mentality of just USING GIRLS for your own selfish pleasure! It really IS disgusting how so many guys will just SAY "I love you" to a girl SOLELY so they can "get what they want"! Love is A COMMITMENT! Everything else is LUST! And that is DESTRUCTIVE and ultimately leads to DEATH: Death in your body (STD'S); Death in relationships (resentment, mistrust, disrespect, divorce); Death in eternity (Hell fire for ever!). THINK ABOUT IT, AND TAKE HEED!
402974
No sex for 8 months is BS.  Talk to her about it calmly and find out what her deal is.  Be ready to compromise.  If she still won't EVER have sex with you then something is seriously wrong and you need to escalate the situation (counseling, divorce, whatever).\n\nGood luck, bro.
188446
Some people have a hard time communicating with this subject. For one do lots of touching and kissing. All over her whole body from neck down her back her stomach etc. Then whisper to her how she wants it. Start talking dirty to her. I gaurantee she'll love it. Funny thing is is I can tell you this but I haven't quite gotten it across to my husband yet.
435192
My wife is bisexual, and very attracted to women. I can really understand that, since I'm attracted to women also. I've never understood the fascination with guys. I look at a woman's body, and it's like a sculpture or a painting. I look at a guys body, and it's like a tractor or a backhoe. Really, I can see why it used to be called a woman's chore. To me, snuggling a guy seems like it has to be something like snuggling a piece of equipment or a rock. But snuggling a girl is like having an extra pillow or two.\n\nOK, that in mind, and knowing that my wife likes girls also, what rational reason can I give for denying her the right to date another girl?\n\nAlso, I'm not exactly sure where to draw the line between a friendship date and a romantic date between women. My wife would only rarely make out with or make love to her girlfriend. About seven out of ten dates were just normal girl stuff: going to the mall, hanging out, talking, shopping, watching a movie, etc. Am I supposed to forbid her to hang out with other women because she finds them attractive? Really, where's the fair in that? No kissing? Does that mean no kissing on the cheek? No kissing on the lips? No tongue? She kisses everyone on the cheek! Half her friends she kisses on the lips. (In some cultures, everyone kisses everyone else on the lips.) Am I really supposed to micro-manage my wife's friendships and carefully consider which ones I consider "too friendly"?\n\nAnd there's also the fact that I want my wife to be happy. I want her to be safe, and I want to be the one to make her as happy as I can, but I want her to be happy. If she needs a man, here I am! I can be all the man she will ever need. If I can't, she's lied to me on several occasions when I asked her. I'm not so good at being all the woman she might need or want. Try as I might. Like I said, I can really understand her desire to be with a woman, its her desire to be with me that baffles me. So I understand it, and it's real, if I deny it, I'm the cause of her misery. I don't want to cause her misery, I want to apease her misery. Do you want to make your spouse happy, or miserable?\n\nWhy does my wife still let me go to Martial Arts classes now that we're married? Because try as she might, she's just not a martial artist, she doesn't have anything to teach me... I can't get what I need from her that way. Along the same lines, when she craves a woman's touch, I can't do anything for her. Should I also stop eating anything she hasn't prepared for me? Should I not sample the food of other people at a potluck, saying, "No, my wife has food for me at home." Should I give up pickles, since my wife doesn't pickle things herself? Trust me, I've got no problem turning down other people's pies... no one does pie like my wife. Or cake. Or pasta. Or potatoes. If my wife didn't want me to ever eat potatoes fixed by another woman, I'd be just fine with that... my wife can more than fulfill my potatoe need. But she doesn't pickle, and I happen to really love pickles. So I get pickles from the supermarket, or my grandmother (who happens to make excelent pickles.) Is my wife jealous? No, she realizes that she will never compete with my grandmother in the pickling department, and focuses on where her strengths are. I've done the same sexually: I'll never be a woman, but I can be the best man she's ever imagined.\n\nNow, if you ever saw the Japaneese comic book Ranma 1/2, if that were real, I'd hop on a plane to China and go take a dip, then my wife and I might talk about renegotiating.