A girlfriend who I was with for a year who i really cared about and she lived with me for 6 months recently broke up with me when i started smoking marijuana again. I smoked for 5 years and only stopped because i was trying to get my goals straight.  \nShe said that If i would not give up something like that for her then i must not love her as much as she loves me and that she couldn't be with me. \nI saw this as a trap, and wouldn't give in. This ended the relationship. I believe that had I let her change that most unimportant part of my life that later on I would have more trouble with bigger things, possibly friends she disliked or even family. \nI am in need of other opinions on this because she says that I didn't love her enough to give up something so inconsequential, whereas i say that she broke up with me over something so stupid and she should accept me with my faults or not at all. \nAny thoughts ?
215374
Well........if smoking is that important to you and she doesn't like it, what is there to say?  Obviously "opposites don't attract" in this scenario.  Not that smoking any kind of substance is good for you but I'd say you will quit when you are ready (if you ever reach that point) OR you will meet someone that will be along for the "toke" with you.
591881
Its really fun....I'm going through the same thing myself...my girlfriend of 2 yrs called it off 3 days ago and I'm suck in the same predicament. I absolutely can relate to you because I'm afraid that I won't ever find someone that I care and love. Not to mention she was my first girlfriend. To make it worse she tells me that she doesn't really see a future with me even though she tells me she loves me. Anyways I just want to tell you that its ok and hopefully both of us will be ok in the future. I wish you luck and I feel your pain. Oh, and the Dr. Steve answer is not fair... I'm not a teenager and I'm going through this so to say that "its a meaningless relationship" is cruel.
428042
I just don't see a feelgood way out of this.  Be honest with her.  It already sounds like you are compassionate.  Honestly explain your feelings, how long you've been feeling this way, how you struggled with it, didn't want to hurt her, etc but that you couldn't reconcile how you feelings evolved to living in a way that is in full honesty for both of you.  She's going to undergo grief and pain so there is no avoidance of that.  It really is hard to tell someone you care about as a person, knowing you're going to cause them pain, that you've tried, but don't feel the way you would like to feel anymore.  Many people deal with faded feelings in ways that cause even more problems down the line, cheating, avoidance, etc. It never makes the problem better so you know that it will take great courage on your part to get in the drivers seat and take the relationship to it's inevitable destination.  She was a whole person before she met you so hopefully she has the inner strength and faith to trust she will continue to be a whole person without you.
11761
Its not love trey it lonely. If you were in the relationship for any amount of time having her in your life on a daily basis became a pattern. Its hard to break out of any pattern especially an emotional one. This might be a bad analogy but someone who quits smoking after years of it craves cigs for a long time after the physical part of the addiction is gone. The mental patern remains but goes away over time.\n\nTheres nothing wrong with you or the way you feel trey, its natural. Give it time and it will fade, especially once you enter into a new relationship or find something else to replace that pattern.\n\nBest of luck to you,\n\nRascal
580614
I'm sorry things didn't end well for you, but you mustn't make assumptions on what happened. Not all of us are heartless like that. I know I'm not. I was in love, actually am in love, with this guy who had left for the Army. Well I waited for him and never did I stray my eyes elsewhere. When he came back, I knew he might get deployed for a year or more at any time, but never one did I ever think of just forgetting about him. I would've waited for him as long as necessary. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for us, but it wasn't because of that, there were other issues. My point is, don't despair, just because one relationship went sour. I'm sure someday you'll find that girl who will wait for you as long as necessary because she truly loves you. :)
79808
It's great if you love someone, and they love you back.  However, if you don't feel that she loves you, then you should probably move on.  \n\nPlaying games is not something that people do when they love another person.  Attempting to change IS.  \n\nSo if she keeps playing games, move on.  If she is making an honest attempt to change, then stay with her and see if it works out.
17437
"two people, if they agree to see the world the same and share a life, make a reality. absolutley. its not a question of perception, it goes beyond god or the devil. if the sky twisted itself apart and chaos and discordia were imminent, i would seek u out and watch the world burn. and be content. thats what i was explaining to someone today."\n\nmy best friend was explaining his opinion on true love to me and this is how he explained it to his girlfriend.\n\nDoes it make sense that I should be denied someone who I feel is right for me just because she happens to be 'different'? no. if i spent my life with people exactly like me, i never would have learned anything. you NEED to spend time with people different than you, and its VERY likely you will fall in love with one of them.
205198
when I was in college I was, I can't access IM right now due to my location, but I will tell you this. I sped up her divorce, which was good for him and her. I was her Rock, because her family didn't like what she was doing and basically shut her out. After the Divorce her family started to accept her again and at the point I became "to annoying to be with" and now she is living in AZ somewhere with her dream man from HighSchool. So in a sense I ended a bad relationship, Got really really heart broken (which I learned alot about myself) and now 2 other people are happier because of what I did
343401
I was in a similar boat and went back. \nHowever, before we got back together I grew and changed.\nI'm more independent and overall a stronger person.\nIf you can get back together and be equals that's fine, but the catch is that being equals also means that she has to make up for what she did.  I would ask her directly, "You hurt our relationship, so what are you going to do to fix it?"\n\nIf she talks, but doesn't answer the question then don't go back.  If she actually list out what she is willing to do and she starts doing it then I'd give it a try.
170726
I say forget them, if you're happy, go for it. This reminds me of a quote:\n\n"If you let the opinions of others run your life, you are cheating yourself from reaching your full potential"\n\nIf you're happy with her, then don't worry and if you feel like you can handle the situation, its all you need, and i know it might be hard sometimes but you'll make it through it.
25989
Why did the two of split? If it was your decision, why did it seem like a good idea at the time? If it was his decision, what has changed about his situation or attitude since then? If he left you for someone else, then I'd say, no, don't do it, because there's nothing to say he won't do it again. If you left him, maybe you need to think a bit about whether or not those reasons are still valid, or if something has actually changed to make another relationship with him worth pursuing.
526308
I agree with that saying... try it. It happened to me... I was the one that was left. It really hurt me, but she was  going through a lot and when she came back she told me she couldnt live without me. Give things some time and see what happens. Give her some space and give yourself space. You know, you dont have to date anyone just because you arent with her... you can be alone. I would be alone right now and just see what happens!
92623
I think you are doing the right thing and just to let you know it will end soon. If you were to back off now that would defeat your whole purpose and have wasted yours and his time. I know you did not want to hear this but, there is always a but isnt there? But If you cant see him changing or being flexible enough on this subject then you may have to let him go, if you fold and let the relationship go back to what is was it will be worse than it was before. I would hang in there, but not for too long.
276389
well is she worth fighting for what cause the break up, are you willing to take your blame as well, if not lick your wonds and dust your self off and get back to living, because life isnt going to wait on you it is going to keep going. with or with out you.
465658
Sounds like this boy has abandonment issues.  He's in a hurry to build a family life he never had and is probably smoking it up to forget how bad he had it.  He took you saying no as a major rejection and is trying to get you to feeling guilty about it by not calling you.  You sound like you have your life on track and made an adult decision.  Be proud of yourself for being responsible and thinking of the long term.  Don't get sucked into his childish games.  If he really loves you, then he would understand that you aren't ready for that kind of move and work at your pace.  \n\nLove is always hard.  Letting people we care of go can seem agonizing and takes a long time to get over.  You've got a bright future ahead of you and a good man who will support you and love you.
258959
If you broke up w/ him there must have been a reason. What was that reason ? Do you want to go through it all over again ? I think I can relate to what you're saying tho. I went to the city partly to get away fr him for the wk'd after we broke up. Well, we were still talking on the phone sometimes but when he phoned it'd be more like "geeeeeeez... :( " but I'd still answer the phone. While in the city I didn't have a very good time. It felt like my fam was abandoning me or something. Like they were tryna get rid of me or didn't wanna see me, etc. :( I was very hurt. The main reason why I was thinking of moving to the city was to be near my fam too... After that I felt that my ex was the only one who really cared bout me. When I got back home I jut HAD to see him so I went to see him. I told him bout what happened in the city & how I felt that he was the only one who cared bout me. For a whole wk I wanted to be w/ him. I wanted to be w/ him every chance I had. We were @ this pt, just "friends". We went to see Default & I guess he was gonna go home after the concert. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't wanna go home either. He was gonna drink but I didn't really care if he did, as long as I could be w/ him. Well, his mom & sis were gone to the city, so he let me spend the night, which I did. I felt that I wanted to get back w/ him. B/w the day I got back home fr the city to the time we got back together officially was Apr 7th-13th I believe. There was even a time AFTER that that I thought that we'd be together forever. But in the past 2 or 3 wks I haven't been feeling that way. I wanna break up w/ him. When & how is the Q. This'll be our 4th break up. :( \nYou may also experience this as well. Have you broken up in the past ? If you have I think that this will only continue to happen. Don't let it. Be strong. Easier said that done I know, but when you feel like talking to him, call a friend. Maybe even get together w/ a friend or friends. It's better than giving in to urges. Hope this helps !!!
96636
Wow, sounds insecure!  Definitely move on.  Aren't you glad she was the one moving out?!?!?!  It made the whole breaking up process a heck of alot easier on your part!