will my husband ever grow up,n quit doin what his family wants n do what he wants,before its 2 late 4 us,i'm on the edge of a break down or divorce..
203053
Well if he isn't willing to change his ways and you are tired of them then it is time to move on. Remember this, you were looking for a man when you found him and life will go on after he is gone.\nGood Luck!!
317920
Maybe you should continue to stay separated but start "dating" again and work on your issues. Having children in the relationship I feel it could be detrimental to them to have him continually coming and going into the home. I would continue being involved in your church, praying for him and your marriage and continue marriage counselling. If after a few months and giving it 100% there are still no changes in him/willingness from him to work on his issues then I would sit down and seriously contemplate if this situation is right for you and your children. But hopefully with prayer and God in your life you will see some changes. I definitely think baby steps is the way to approach this situation. God be with you.
504813
Do yourself a favor and stop the relationship immediately. If he hasn't changed his ways in the last 7 years, he isn't going to start now.  You cannot change people, they have to want to be different, and they have to want to make things better for themselves.  What is it about him that makes you want to stay with him?  And be HONEST with yourself.  Is it merely because you've been with him so long it's comfortable?  I hate to be this blunt, but you need to break this one off or you will just be very unhappy as a married woman, and I can almost guarantee you will end up a divorce statistic.
69080
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
100278
There is no doubt you should leave.  You need to because it is what is best for you and for your kids.  It also may be the only way he will reach rock bottom and truly work on his problems.  You and the kids deserve a life as hard as it may be that isn't lived around him and his problems.  You've given all you have to this marriage but he obviously refuses to give as much of himself.  You deserve more, and your kids deserve more.
117846
I warn my husband about this all the time.  I feel me and him don't have a deep mutual understanding of each other.  You know how with some people you have that love and understnading and emotional connection and with others you don't.  he and I don't have that - thought we did but we rushed into the marriage.  I keep telling him that if he continues to be that way - he complains and argues about everything that I am interested in and criticizes me for the way I do things ..doesn't understand the real me. We just doesn't have that real true love "connection" as your wife calls it and "emotional" understanding for one another ... he has no idea what i mean when i explain this to him; I tell him he's gonna be the guy that 10 years down the road the wife will say "i want a divorce" and the entire time he would never see it coming and would wonder "where did I go wrong - i thought everything was fine" ... but you know what .. I commend you for reading books and seeing a counselor.  I try to read books about this stuff to my husband and he gets mad and defensive or he'll just ignore what I'm reading to him.  If she doesn't give you that chance to work it out then she is just fed up and there is no hope.  Give her a little more time - although she probably feels less hurt becasue she knows you are still wanting to be with her so she's not scared about this time apart.  If you were to act like her and accept it - then it would scare her.  When I threaten to leave sometimes and he is beggin for me not to, I feel the urge to leave even more because I know I have the upper hand and he's wrong.  But .. if he would act like he wouldn't care for ex: one time he said "fine I'll pack your bags for you" I felt really vulnerable and hurt but it scared me ... and we ended up making up instead of me leaving.   Take everyones advice - just take it day by day - you'll be fine and she'll come around - if its over just let it go .. use what you have learned to help you out later.  Just note that women need emotional attention and understanding- we are weird like that.
561348
A good friend of mine is going through the same thing with her man right now.  I don't think his actions have anything to do with whether or not he loves you.  It sounds like he has a very demanding family.  If they are used to having him all to themselves, it is possible that they are being "catty" on purpose and trying to come up with reasons to take him away from you.  It is normal to love your baby boy, but not to the point where you become selfish and competitive for his time against a woman that he is trying to share his life with.  \n\nIf he has grown up being a "pleaser", he probably finds it very hard to say no to his mother and sister because he doesn't want to let them down.  There is really nothing you can do until he realizes there is a problem and sets them straight.  He needs to learn to stand up to them and say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you tonight...my girl and I already have plans...but I would be happy to help you tomorrow."  There's nothing wrong with that and his family is not going to love him less for saying so.  They're acting like little kids that will keep pushing to see how much they can get away with.
359012
I was in love with my husband since I was 15 years old.  I am now 31 and we have 2 children together.  He chose to make some choices within himself, which affected us as his family in a very negative way. He chose pain pills over his family, which took every penny he had, then turned into an evil addiction.  We have lost homes, jobs, have had the law at our home numerous times. As his wife, I wanted to help him and be there for him...after years of struggling with this addiction..and trying to help him..the girls and I are out of energy and have had our hearts broken one too many times.  He is now in prison..and we were still there for him while he is there...but it came to a point that after being in prison for 6 months...he still showed his selfishness and EXPECTED things from us.  I have now chose it is time to move on, I love him so very much, but I have no control of him or his choices anymore, and our girls and I do not deserve to struggle anymore.  It was time for divorce.  I still think about the person that I fell in love with everyday.  I pray for him.  But this love story got out of control, and had a very sad ending.
36600
erm. firstly.. did he care for his family and yours? if he did i believe that in the future he will do the same for you and your family. Is he loyal? and he rather spend time with you then his friends. Cares for your feeling.. willing listen to your point. not argue with you but listen to you. And the most important is your heart is only for him and he too. hope u can find your answer soon.
243066
It seems when things get tense we always imagine the worst will happen to our marriage.  It doesn't have to just because someone else did it.  We can always get past a tough point.  Maybe you just need more time together.
322091
My heart feels for you and your family.\n\nFirst of all, I believe the problem is not really about where you are going to live.  You've stated that you love your husband with all of your heart.\n\nIt seems to me that your husband may be going through a very difficult time emotionally since his father is very ill, and since he's back in OK, the place where his roots and heart was from, emotionally, I think he's not prepared to leave OK.  Sounds to me he might be emotionally really upset with the possibility of losing his father, and he's clinging on desperately to what he's most familiar with - which is OK.\n\nI think that over time, you will win over his understanding and he's probably going to arrive at a point in time where he'll be ready to leave OK.  It's just that he's not ready NOW.  \n\nI think maybe if you really truly love him, love him with all of your heart.  Be there with him.  Your love is not about the geography.  Your love is about HIM, is it not?  \n\nSometimes, in life, it takes time.  Everything is a process.  With your husband in a fragile emotional state, he's pushing all the wrong buttons in you when he displays no desire to leave what he's desperately clinging onto - his home and life in OK.  He's hoping his father will not die.  He's scared silly his father will die.  I think he might be scared of his own mortality too.\n\nIf you can find it in your heart to do so, I know I'm just a stranger to you.  But, if you can LOVE him with all you have, then do so.  LOVE him.  Sometimes our love for each other really CHALLENGES our very souls because it triggers the worst fears in us.  But, it can also bring out great strength and love in us too.\n\nDon't let what should be a temporary situation in life be a life altering permanent decision just because of the fragility of the human emotion.  \n\nYour picture with you and the children - your children are beautiful.  I too have children.  If I had the chance to love my husband - I mean to really love him in this way, I would do so.  \n\nSadly enough, I won't have that chance again.  Save yourself and the children from more heartache - unnecessary and foolish.\n\nDon't worry about whether you are in OK or in Montana or Seattle.  I loved Montana when I visited, and I too am from Seattle.  But, if I had a man that I could say was my husband that I could love with all my heart, I wouldn't care much where we were...because it's all temporary.  \n\nThis time will pass, and you will be able to move again.  Don't worry.  Don't be too hasty in your decision.\n\nGood luck and God bless.
627551
Wow, they should be gracious to still have you. Why don't you all work together and help eachother out? Why all this seperation? A family is supposed to be a team, and there is no "I" in team. I would suggest that you all get counseling honestly...before it does kill you. Get help, all of you.
562771
I can hardly imagine you having 3 kids ages under 5 and your no 4 is on the way..... I admire your capability but it seems your ability to raise them is beyond your control.  The lack of 'freedom' in your husband shows that he is still youthful and wants the best in his world. His responsibility is zero and committment to you is just for the moment of fun. I know that this harsh words maybe hurtful but just want you to wake up and stop pinning high hope to someone who do not deserve your trust and love.... release him and focus on your 4 innocent lives whom you had brought into this world. Remember, they dont deserve the pain but LOVE......
538642
Ive been with my b&#92;f for 7years now.I'm 23 now,he's 7yrs older than me.For the first 4 years our family's had issues with us being together.we moved in together only 3months into it while i was living with a girl friend.its had its up and downs but has been a great life.my advice to you would have to be,that you continue strong in the relationship that you have,don't worry to much about the negativity that continues to linger around you and your man.If he makes you happy and you know that he is all good for you,then you have nothing to worry about.wish you all the best....
432572
When your husband does not respect you enough, to allow his family to mistreat you, or take up for you against them, I think you are well within your rights not to go back. I don't go places I'm not wanted, or that I'm mistreated, and neither should you. If he doesn't stand up for you, it will cause problems in your marriage. His loyalty should be to you.....you're his WIFE! He left his family to marry you, and should act like it! Good Luck!!
577373
Sounds like he is very controlling.\nIf he separates you from your family them you will be all his to gain control over.\nAsking you to do that is also very ignorant and dissrespectful to you. If he has any love, concern and respect for your feelings he wont expect you to do that.\nMen come and go, families do not!
520968
Your husband needs to be reminded that he married you not his parents and it's not his responsibility to take care of them.  He has his own family to provide for.  And as parents they should be more understanding of that.   A lot of times families think that because their family members is married that there is more money for them but that is just not true.  If they need money, they might need to look to some other sources for income.  Remember is one of the top reasons why marriages end in divorce.  Continue to talk to your husband a bout this and maybe he will see the light.  I feel your pain was in the same situation with my ex.