We have been seeing each other for a little over three months, and have decided to make our relationship a bit more serious.A friend he went to grad school with recently moved to town (nearby him), and works at the same place.She is always calling him asking him to go to lunch/dinner/hang out, etc.Literally, she contacts hims 12 times a day!He is really nice, and has a hard time saying no; but even he gets annoyed by how often she wants to be around him.I have no problem with him having female friends (in fact he has others I have no problem with).What I do have a problem with, is that she works with him, sees him every day, has lunch with him several times a week, yet still wants to hang out with him several nights a week.For a while, she was spending a lot more time with him than I was.He was the one who pushed for the more committed relationship, so he does spend more time with me now, but she always calls while we are together.She thinks I'm threatened;I just want respect/space!
216205
There's two people you need to talk to.  First person is him.  Explain how you are uncomfortable with her always calling him and you feel she is interfering with your personal time.  Tell your man that if he really wants this relationship to workout, he has to set boundaries with this girl because obviously she doesn't get it.Second person is her.  Tell her you know what a great guy he is because you and he are together.  However, you guys need alone time.  And if he wants to hang with her, HE will initiate it and schedule a time where all THREE of you can hang out.  Maybe hook her up with a guy you know.... Yeah its palming her off on someone else but you do need time alone with your man.  But just let her know that you are uncomfortable with the amount of times she calls a day and that every now and again is okay but not 12+ times.  \n\nIf she does keep calling and he's uncomfortable, you might want to look into having him get a TRO or something.  She may or may not be after your man (She could be bored or something and not have anyone that wants to hang with her cuz she sounds a bit clingy), but make sure you keep a level head about you because how you react to her clingy-ness could make you look bad.
51392
Okay, as a woman myself, this is my opinion: I can understand and agree with your not wanting her to go to dinner with other guys. I wouldn't want my man going to dinner with other women! But some people think that there isn't anything wrong with it as long as they are just friends. She might not have meant any harm by it. Just talk with her, let her know how much it bothers you (but don't make it sound like you are accusing her of cheating) and ask if you two can come to a "neither one of us is ever alone with a member of the opposite sex" agreement. My parents had that agreement, and it worked great. Just a thought. If she is unwilling to agree to that, then it might be time to move on. Good luck.
487258
This is a sticky one. \n\nFirst, let's look at him. The fact that he lied is very troubling, but I can see why he thought it was a good idea. While he was disrespecting your wishes, he was also trying to stick with his friend while sticking with you. No, it's not a smart move, and his point about your insecurity is invalid (lying is just not ok because relationships are about trust), but it sucks for a person to have to choose between a significant other and a friend. I think you guys can work through this however. \n\nWhy do you dislike this female friend of his? Do you suspect that he's cheating on you? Is she flirtatious or touchy-feely with him? Is she just an unlikeable person to you? Or are you merely jealous and insecure? \n\nLet's go with the last question for a bit. You've admitted that you are insecure. Plenty of girls are like that, sadly; I think it's mostly from social conditioning (but that's a whole other Answer!). You said that every time he talks to another girl, you ask him if he wants to be with them. It's exasperating for a guy to hear that. He's going to start feeling as if there's nothing he can do to convince you that he wants only you. It's also exhausting for you because you will needlessly worry about losing him. This will put a strain on the relationship, maybe even cause it to break. \n\nTo me, this is the more troubling problem. It's difficult, even impossible, to change others, so we have to change ourselves. Look into getting help for your insecurity; this will make you an overall healthier person, and spread into your relationship with this guy. A quick Google search for "overcoming insecurity" yields some nice articles: \n\nhttp://www.coping.org/growth/security.htm\nhttp://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/writings-insecurity.htm\n\nYou may want to seek professional counseling as well. You'll feel a lot better overall if you can let go of the worrying over losing people, and start placing some trust in others. It will be a great relief (trust me on that). \n\nNow, let's go back to the female friend. They're probably "just friends," but if they way they interact suggests more, then you have a right to be a bit suspicious. Example: if they are too familiar and flirty with each other. \n\nThis is getting a bit long, so I'll just sum it up. You both need to work on yourselves and with each other to make this work. You should focus on overcoming your insecurity and learning to trust others. You should also respect his friendships, even if he's friends with someone you cannot tolerate. Likewise, he should be supportive of your self-improvement efforts, and stop lying to you so you *can* learn to trust him! It's very hard to trust someone when you catch them in a lie. He should also respect that you dislike his friend, and do things like not forcing you to be around her, not talking about something funny that she said or did, etc. If he won't work with you, then I doubt the relationship is worthwhile. \n\nLast of all, it's very important to remain calm and even-tempered. If you start crying or becoming too angry, he may reach for anything -- even a lie -- to make you stop and calm down.
263045
it seems there isn't really any problem.and how they continue their relationship is for them to choose and decide--and other than a few little whines-- it seems -like a good caring friendship.She probably does feel guilty--about not paying-perhaps she has even tried--but he wants to the gentleman-and pay--so no insult--or perhaps she relays thsi information--so that it does not come across to others thats she's just using him-for money etc-she can aalways buy him a nice b-day present or the like at sometime--ifthe guilt is that big-----and maybe she does want something more--but it is not what he chooses -- it looks he'd rather simply have for now the comfort of friendship--and he has every right to choose that -if it is the way he desires it--and is comfortable with it this way-if he's simply after a companionship which offers comfort and support and is plutonic--it seems he has exactly what he wishes --if this is his true want.\n\nif she would like more --it is up to her to approach him-- and as for the making out--it may of been heightened in the telling than fact or may have even come from the other way--but it doesn't seemeed to have put a distance between them or destoyed possible future changes--\n\nhowever--it seeems the pressure is coming from you--and what you want\nperhaps this women even made the passes at him--perhaps this would in some ways make her feel there was some sort of relationship which gave her a little more conection to their relationship and his fondness for her and the spoils of being wined and dined --\n\nbut within -the letter --i do not see you say she really wants to be with him--or has confided etc-\n\n-you mention she feels a little guilty--well thats natural-- but it seems it is still offered and accepted and seems like they are both mostly comfortable-\n\n-perhaps she also doesn't want to be seen as some sort of kept lady etc--\n\nhe also (by your note) doesn't seem to be pushing for more-- and that may be exactly what he wishes-- and that,therefore,is  his choice-- not yours (sorry-i am sure you care-- but you are not going to marry tone of them or the like--so you don't get to choose or really have a say--you should be happy for them-\n\n-unless one of them is unhappy in the scenario--but you don't seem to say that--you seem to say--you are unhappy with it----well sorry--your happiness of their relationship-is probably minor--)\n\nthe other thing-is if he is on medication--pehaps he really cares for her alturisticly \n\nand even though he may like her--perhaps he has some questions and may see himself as a liabilty if it was to go to another level\n\ni think if you want to do anything-- you should be their friend-- and let them do their thing--and if you want some info--just ask which ever one you want--y"you mean you don't have any further romantic feelings for....?) an see what they say--\n\n but don't push it cos it is what you like or want---------- and if one of them does want more--instead of the lets get busy passing--perhaps you can suggest that person should speak to the other openly-- if that is uncomfortable for them--then maybe you can be the middle person--but if that does happen--i think you should try to stay neautral-somewhat--i mean don't push yor own agenda--give honest opinion--of it a good orbad-- but don't become a salesperson--thats not a best friend--\n\nfriends advise-- not sell--or push their desires - on to best pals\n\nit seems happy to me--and may even become a romantic happy-- but at the moment-it seems mostly a comfortable happpy--with a little bit of minor past happenings-\n\n its not some thing one would to push from the comfort area it is in and then instead of moving it towards the romantic-- it is moved -and pushed - to that of discomfort--that would be a poor outcome-- for all i think\n\nhave patiece--perhaps tact also -- don't gossip-- support- and be a best friend-- and do what is their wishes
387157
Sounds like he just wanted to hang out with a friend... and this would probably go over nicely with you if you liked his friends. People's friends reflect who they are. I think the issue here is, are you willing to accept your boyfriend, and his friends, the way they are? He has something in common with these friends and that is why they hang out together. Wouldn't it be nice to have a boyfriend with friends you truly liked? Don't pick a fight about this.. it is who he is. What is there to fight about? I'd take a long, good hard look at your companion and decide if he's offering you what you want.
664396
I do not like playing games either, but I do not think that you should make yourself readily available to anyone. I mean most of us dodge our jobs and we KNOW that we are going to get paid for the time we put in. You do not know him well, you do not know where this is going. Slow down if he is what you think he is there will be plenty of time for the two of you to spend together. And on the contrary this is your world! Especially in this situation! All I can say is take your time if he is worth it saying well I kind of made other plans today is it OK if we reschedule this for (2 days later), will not turn him around. I think you are saying to yourself gotta get it while the getting is good. That's why you jump on it every time he calls. It seems that you would like to keep him around for some time so take some time. If you turning him down turns him away then that is just letting you know that he is not the person that you thought or hoped he was.
385152
It's quite possible he is jealous... For some reason we are that way (think it's an ego thing)... We may not want her but we don't want her to be with anyone else either..\nYes I know, it doesn't make sense to me either... It is real however.
74515
WHOA! You should defintaly try to explain yourself again and make her understand. I would be furiuos if my girlfriend stayed at her Exs for a week. Thats totally uncalled for and you have every right to be pissed. I mean theyre Exs for a reason right? Yea man thats definatly not cool, and if she insists on keeping contact with the Ex then maybe theres still some latent feelings towards him. If she doesnt get it, then tell her that her still talking with him is directly effecting your relationship and could possibly be the downfall of it as well. Godd luck with that man.
580561
My best advice and somewhat from my own and friend's experiences...it's not a good thing.\nI am still very close to one of my ex boyfriends but we keep it to phone conversations here and there and I believe it's possible to still be friends with someone even though you realize you don't make a good couple. \n\nThe part that concerns me about your situation though is the fact that he is spending quality time with his ex.  I don't think that's ok and if he wants to spend time with her it should be done in a group setting (if they still have the same friends) or you and her husband should be there too and make it a double date thing, that should be the only time he spends with her.  \nOr if they work together, then that would be the only other exception.\n\nI would express to him that it makes you uncomfortable and you don't think it's ok for him to continue a relationship where he invests time with her...if he enjoys her company that much than why isn't he back with her?  \n\nI would ask him to make that change and if he loves you and wants to be with you than he will understand.
596382
He has an insecurity complex. He's hoping if he focuses all his attention on her that she will never leave him. Most of the time this behavior 'smothers' the other person & it backfires on them. It has nothing to do with you personally. It is his own insecurity. Just let it run it's course & when he comes to you bummed after she dumps him, tell him how it made you feel & how it needy he looked to all his friends. He'll agree, but prob continue the pattern the rest of his life. Sorry
620046
That's wierd I say it's time you guys had a serious talk. He sounds like a jerk. I mean I'm totally for guys not inviting their gfs along in order to have alone time to party with their friends but a birthday celebration (ESPECIALLY his own is hardly the time to do this) Unless there were strippers involved and even if that were the case u guys still need to have that talk.
24906
I'm a guy and I don't stay "friends" with my exes.  As Sam Kinnison put it "Oh, friends, like some kind of emotional tampon, only without the sex".\nNot trying to be crude, ladies.  I'll be pleasant if I see them on the street, but I won't ask them for coffee so we can "catch up" on each other's lives.
303671
As far as your "good friend" DO NOT LET YOUR MAN GO TO HER HOUSE WITH OUT YOU.  That is your friend not his, I can see if it was his friend.  There have been to many instances when matters like that turn into infidelity.  Be careful with this one.  If I was you I wouldn't allow it, and if he puts up a fight, then he is sleeping with her or if he continues to go without you knowing, he is cheating.  After all she is your friend and he should have female friends of his own.  Another thing, is everything going good between you two?  If there is some fighting and bad vibes I wouldn't allow him to go run to her.  Me and my man had a dicussion the other day about this subject. Something happened between him and his best friends girl, before us.  She came on to him when he was visiting with out his friend.  He left when she tried and he told his friend about it.  His friend did not believe him of course, she called her man before he did.  They use to hang out together and go out so it thought it was okay to go over to her house and wait for his friend to get there.  So you see where this is going you just don't let things like this happen, and you don't put yourself in that kind of predictement.  Not to say that everybody is like that but you don't want to take that chance with your man and your friend.  What we both agreed on is when you are in a relationship and you make friends with with your partners best friend who happens to be the opposite sex neither one of you should be hanging out with that person without your mate around it is not cool, it's some what tachy, and disrespectful, even when you are married.  I mean you have to have a very legit reason to go to your man's male friend house alone, and the same goes for him.  We leave that for the for married people who have established strong trust in each other and their friends.  Couples who have been married for years and their friends play a big part in their life.  Other than that, giiirrrl you better stop that s*** quick!  But sorry to say love, it already sounds like your man is doing your friend so start preparing to kick both of there a***** and dump his loser a**.  Move on and take my advice don't allow your man to see your girlfriends without you.  Just keep your girlfriends at a distance until you find out what kind of man you are dealing with, PERIOD!  Good luck and much love.  If you need to chat later feel free to contact me.
122922
You want to be a good friend and I understand that but if I were in your shoes I would let it happen. If you make a big deal or say anything about it period shes going to wig and maybe end up dating the guy even longer just to spite you and that's just counter-productive. In my opinion she made a bad decision dating one of her friends X's but since that's not the question it's neither here nor there. The point is, she knew how he was before she started dating him, she should have known better. I'm not trying to be cruel but people learn things best firsthand. Be supportive, hope for the best, Maybe your X has changed but be ready to console her and help her move on when he screws her over as well.
159921
I've had a few platonic female friends.  I've given some hugs and some backrubs.  I've never kissed them.  Your girlfriend crossed the line.  Why would she tell you that "his little thingy got hard"?!?  Definitely past the line.\n\nIt sounds like she is playing games and is at the least trying to make you feel jealous.  At the worst, she is shopping for another boyfriend and just wants to keep you on the line.\n\nIt's hard to convey all the intricacies of a relationship on these little questions.  But from the little you've revealed, I would dump her and cut off all contact.  Until she grows up, she is not worthy to date seriously.
148875
Omg, I have this guy too and he has this slutty girlfriend and I think he can really do better then that. I ask him to come over nad hangout and he saud my g/f would like that!  I was like Matt come on your my best friend your gonna diss me for you girl, but i'm still friends with him and i love him but if he wants her, theres other fish in the sea!
109504
I think you need to express to him, the importance of her not being in his life as a friend or any other aspect.  The two of you need your own life, without her input.  She's only going to be biased against you because of her situation previously.  You shouldn't talk about being jealous or anything like that, just appeal to him on a more inter personal, relationship aspect level and try to get him to understand and see how that relationship betweem him and her adds absolutely NO value to him or his life now!