my wife told me earlier in april, she was thinking bout leaving, but things have been better, then on easter told me that there was no hope, she stayed for the week and asked me to sleep in the same bed as her(not sex) cause it would be the last time for awhile. she told me the reasons where that we have been together 8 years married 2 1/2, and she has never lived alone, or had her independence, and needed HER time.and she doesnt like who she is, all this also with being in debt 10k. and me not being the best husband i could be all the time, like my share of chores, and her making me happy but not the other way around, also never wanting to go out she hated, witch i can admit that i am ecepting most of the blame.She has told me that she doesnt love me anymore, and wants to be friends at least in the future, the possiblity of more isnt ruled out, but it isnt for sure either. I was just looking for some opions,or advice, idont know how long it takes to divorce ( i am not going to stopher
218566
Eight years is a long time to let go of. maybe she just needs some space. Try separating for a while. It seems that you both still have feelings for one another. Seems like she feels lost. I know, I'm going thru the same thing with my husband. I feel like I've lost myself. I'm not the same person I was when we first met. Give her some time. I'm sure she'll re-evaluate your relationship.
517337
Wow...my husband could have wrote this...\n\nI have been married seven years (have two children ages 6 and 2) and have become separated (haven't filed for divorce yet)...for me the sex was always bad (and I do love it...which is something he would never believe).  I will say you do a lot more than he ever did but it doesn't sound like you guys are going down the right path...you are not doing anything wrong, it is her.  I know you love her but you have to stop most of the things (the dates, flowers, etc...) they are just a waste right now...she is a full time housewife so the fact that she is not even cleaning etc... sound to me she might be depressed (how is she with the kids)...she sounds like me almost 100% (I should mention that I work FULL TIME...always did since my kids were 3 months old both) but instead of watching tv till 1am I would rather play poker or be on the computer (which pisses him off)...for him I am always tired he says, but when it comes to other people or things he says I have energy...which I guess is true.  \n\nYou're gonna have to sit her down and have a really good talk with her or go for some marriage counseling before it is too late...\n\nE-mail me if you want to talk...
421135
Obviously there were some serious problems in your marriage.  Seeing as how she's now your ex-wife, you're asking this question a little late, and asking if of the wrong people.  You should've asked her.  If you have a good relationship with her, you might try to get it out of her one day, maybe she'll tell you what happened with her in your relationship.  If I were to bet on it, I'd bet you took her for granted, you stopped courting her.  She felt like you didn't care about her anymore, so she went out and found someone who does.  I'm not condoning her actions, because I firmly believe that marriage is a lifelong committment, and you fix the problems in the marriage, and divorce really isn't an option.  But obviously you weren't giving her what she needed in your relationship.  Sorry......You probably need to just move on with your life.
214538
It sounds to me like she has "already left". She may be having an affair while you are gone which may be why she doesn't want to have sex with you or sleep with you the way she used to. You are supporting her, that's all. Respect yourself and leave or ask her to leave if it's your place and you are paying the bills. The relationship sounds like it is already over.
209962
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
356072
You made a mistake, you kissed someone, you stopped it there and then and went home and told your wife the truth. THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO! Your wife, when you told her, made the decision to stay. Why did she stay if she had no intention of trying to make the marriage work? Didn't she have anywhere else to go at the time? She is using your one, tiny, mistake to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you to have everything her own way. And it has worked. As Jerry Springer would say 'this is happening to you because YOU ARE ALLOWING it to'. Tell her enough is enough. You need to sit down and discuss, calmly, the problems you have. Listen to her first and then tell her how you feel.\nAsk her to attend marriage counselling with you, then she will know you are serious about saving your marriage.\n\nRegardless of what happens between two adults, the children are innocent, blameless. If a woman gives up on a marriage or when a wife stops loving her husband - it doesn't stop her being a mother. There is no excuse for her not spending time with her children, they need her and she can't suddenly just start living this new lifestyle without a second thought for them. Where are they going to go in all this, if you do split up - it doesn't sound like she is going to want to take them with her, she doesn't have the time and they'd probably cramp her new style. \n\nI think your wife has more explaining to do than you have. But, as others here have said, professional help is going to be your best option. Perhaps after marriage counselling you should have one or two sessions of family counselling and involve your children as well. \n\nPerhaps you should make your wife read your question and then all the replies and see how it makes her feel. It might be the wake up call.
667379
I have been married 23 years. In the last six my husband has spent a lot time being unemployed, ran off a few times, then wants to come back. But each time he ran off I did better without him. For example two years ago when he left, we were living in a small rural community. I decided since he was gone, to move to a larger city. After I did, I worked two jobs. He lived with us (my kids and I) for awhile, sitting around painting pictures and making promises to get a job. In February, we got a large tax refund. While I was at work, he took off with $1500 he never earned! I decided after that to stop trusting him and take care of myself. I enrolled in a vocational school, a decision I've never regretted. He still wants me back, but doesn't want to live in this city. My kids totally hate him. I think I can do much better without him, even though I may be alone for the rest of my life. (I'm done with relationships)
164139
Even if she wanted the divorce and she no longer loves him, (which is unlikely because you can not turn off all your feeling that quickly) she probably is not ready to date.  There is a lot of remorse and even more guilt that goes along with asking for a divorce.  Even though she may have wanted it she still has to mourn the loss of what was and what might have been. Then she needs time to heal and to totally let go as well as time to work through the guilt and begin to build up her confidence again.  Don't rush her, you do not want to encourage her before she is ready and before she has moved through the recovery steps.  She may need somewhere between 4-7 years.  i know it sounds like a long time, but unless you have been through a divorce yourself you can not know all that is involved and it doesn't matter who wanted it it just takes time.
116371
I think you should go over to her place and try to reconcile with your wife.  What was wrong in the first place?  Why can't it be fixed?  You obviously loved her before, right?  So maybe her making you come to her place is her way of saying (perhaps without her even knowing) that she wants to see you too!?
604430
yeah these sound like she made up her mind of geting a divorce and she want to move on this happen in marriage you just got to get ready for a divorce and make new plan in your life there are other women out there i know it real hard on you right know but when she leave you it going to take you a few month to get over the feeling you just lost the one you love but it well get better over time. i wish you the best of luck.
441767
yes very happy through both good and bad times, there is no one i would rather come home to or spend time with. we have been married for eight years and it just gets better everyday. the primary reason is that she understands/forgives my hobbies and interests and i understand hers. give and take and flexability on both sides make it much easier. the first year was just getting used to each others habits, and the more rigid (i will not/your fault/my way) additudes just scew it up. and forgive and forget. no grudges.
558449
Hope this works out for you. its probably a bit raw at the moment. could this possibly not be the first time this has happened, as im sure she is trying to tell you something and get a reactionary response. she wants you to want her and fight for her not just give up. im thinking that she wants you to commit after 8 years. she doesnt want to ask you to make it a more secure relationship possibly not long distance. she wants you to come up with that idea and put it to her. so she can feel loved and needed. thats what im thinking and im a chick and sometimes we can be a bit weird like that. so give it a go when things calm down have a honest talk with her and ask her what she really wants or doesnt want from you and decide what you are ready to give. if you arent ready to give everything - why have a relationship anyway. take care and give it some time.
310986
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
78593
I have much REspect for you.Please be STRONG for your children!I am a married woman.I'm 34(he's 35)and I have been with my spouse since high school(15yrs old)!Lately,I have been thinking Alot about divorce!We have had our share of problems in this marriage!(we've cheated,seperated,etc!)Please don't fill like a Failure!You are a mother!Although you may not be a wife,anymore.A mother is the most IMportant thing you could ever do in your life!And you should REspect yourself for that!I have two beautiful daughters as well(ages 12&8).And,they do not want me to seperate from their father.However,I am not happy.I am miserable.It really seems as if we have grown apart throughout the years!Although he will NOT admit it.And he will not leave!Because,he would have to go and live with his mother.He was laid off,collected UNemployment for 6 mths.Now,He has ZERO income.But,it's not even about the money.I have a decent Income.But my money goes I pay all of the bills,etc,etc!With no help from him.He ignores me alot lately.He yells at me if I ask him when he's gonna start to look for employment.We do not sleep together,anymore.(Rarely)!But yet,I won't get rid of him because I am AFRAID!I am afraid of being alone!I am afraid of being a single mom!I do NOT have much support!No family or friends that wanna hear about it!My only family is my mother and she flips out when I mention his name!Because she despises him.And thinks he is an UNfit father and husband,she has even tried to fiX me up with others.Don't get me wrong,He has worked in the past.But there aren't alot of great jobs here in our area.But I thought since he isn't working he would help me around the house more!He does a lil bit but NOT much!He just sleeps constantly,OR plays that damn XboX,or watches Tv 24-7!And it is starting to drive me crazy!We could be tottaly broke need gas,need bread and milk,everything.And he would sit all day and play xbox/or watch tv and act like everythings all good??Please is anyone else out there eXperiencing this with their man/hubby?I would love to hear from you!I would go craZy without this site!lol.I am so ready to call it quits!But,I am just so afraid of being alone.But,It would be so GREAT to find a man who loves me like I love him!One who works,likes the outdoors,fishes,hunts,etc,etc!And one who is good with children!Believe me hun,they are out there!They are just hard to find!But,don't give up!Pray!I bet you time will heal the hurt you are feeling now!And,when you do meet someone else you'll be ready!And hopefully happier than you ever were with him!And I agree with the above look into some support groups they will definately help you!(maybe I should take my own advice,huh?lol)Plus,you may meet someone there you never know.Or at least make some NEW friends!Hey GOOD luck to you!And hey your not all alone dear!You do have us!lol Even though it's just a website.We are all here to help you and give you advice!Sometimes I think I would rather be ALone!Than be with someone who is abusive.And makes me feel Unloved,UNwanted and Neglected!But then again,I might freak out(seriously!)I am just so dependant on him.Even though the marriage is done.And it's stale.I continue to stay?Yes,I am in counseling.But, no that hasn't helped much either!I am on anti depressants,and a whole bunch of other meds.But,I still feel the same.Maybe I'm too afraid to be loved?I don't know what it is anymore.But think of it this way,At least you can be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet,and raising your children!May I ask why you got divorced after so many years together?Was it your idea or his?If you don't mind sharing.I am really curious about what happened?Thanks!Take Care and good luck to you and the kids!
381757
You have quite a dilemma there and that actually happened to me .I was married and didn't love him anymore and didn't have the balls to tell him and looking back i wish i did . I could have saved us all alot of misery. If i could do it over I would've saved up some money and just moved out and left him. That's what you should do .Plan your next move financially and emotionally it will be easier for both of you .
71807
I fully understand your crisis. My EX-HUSBAND of 10 years went into the military and we basically kepted in contact by phone. He would also come home once in a blue moon and finally after completing 5 years in the Air Force, he one day surprised me by appearing at the door step. Our daughter was 5 years old at the time and I had already built a complete seperate lifestyle without him. I was working full-time and a student along with caring for our daughter, home, bills, etc. \n\nUpon his arrival, I felt so claustrophobic and found myself everyday becoming more and more frustrated. Even my boss pulled me aside and told me about the change in behavior. AND I dropped out of college, just couldn't function. Finally, after (1) year living together...I hate to say it..BUT, I left him and went back to what I knew...went to what truly made me happy. Today, he's re-married and very happy with the women who worships the ground he walks on. I don't regret what I did one bit. \n\nI'm not telling you that the easy way out of a situation is to just walk away. BUT, from the sound of things, not only are you not thinking of having a family, but second guessing on living with your husband. Apparently, you are not ready to give up your privacy nor space. A marriage counselor would be suggested in this situation...but at the same time, YOU have to also sit back and soul-search, because only YOU know what your heart desires.\n\nI would suggest that you speak with him and in a hurry, before allowing yourself to be unhappy in this marriage.   Do yourself a favor and break it to him gently. Because as a married women age (35), within a year, you will end up looking (50) from stress, frustration, and unhappiness.
179508
Why would you stay if it is that bad? This doesn't make any sense to me. If the marriage is bad then take yourself out and live your life in peace...Lady