Im older than he is by 5 yrs. we have children so im staying. He's been caught in several lies and says that he just uses these women to get free work done. I dont believe in divorce and neither does he. Yet I want him to Know how I feel on every level without having to uproot the children.
217234
the beauty of karma is that it works all by itself. you can just sit back and watch. he will get his karma.
443626
1) You were misguided as a child.  Women are NOT considered the 'property' of thier husband anymore.  How old are you, 100?\n\n2) If your husband treats you badly, there's a thing called 'divorce'.  You do NOT need to put up with domineering. overly controlling and horrible husbands anymore. \n\n3) What's wrong with being a feminist? And what's wrong with demanding a little respect? Nothing!  You don't need to be treated as a delicate lady, you need to be treated as a HUMAN BEING.\n\n4) Saying it's not your husbands fault is crap.  So what if he was 'raised' that way.  Does he not have a brain of his own? Can he not think for himself? Has he lapped up everything his parents ever taught him and never questioned a thing? I was raised in a racist, sexist household, and it doesn't mean I've grown up as a racist sexist! Quite the opposite! He's an adult, and he's perfectly able of thinking for himself, and KNOWING that treating you like his own personal property, like 'cattle', is freaking wrong!
466732
I've just been through a similar situation, leave leave leave.  I found out that not only was my husband doing the on-line thing, that he cheated on me before we were even married.  You have found out that he lied to you, then you can never believe him again.  If you do stay it will be a long hard road to happiness let me tell you.  Hes playing you for a fool if you believe his pathetic lies.  My husband was chatting on-line and talking to one women on the phone (he fessed up that he's known her for 10 years for god sake, didn't think to share that little bit of information did he) in our home while I was there!!! Incredably my husband didn't even think this was an issue - its called having an emotional affair - its still an affair just not physical but its still a violation of your marriage vows and that shows he isn't committed to you what so ever
527957
If it's huge enough for him to lie about, it's OK for you to be upset about it!  If he hadn't done anything wrong he wouldn't lie, he wouldn't hide things and go behind your back.  That tells me that he knows he is doing something wrong and does it anyway.  That also shows that he has little or no respect for you.  I would say give him an ultimatum... either he is honest with you or he has to go.  You don't even really have to do that, but it's up to you.  I guess if I were you I wouldn't care if he was in contact with guy friends, but if he's spending that much time talking to an ex it means he still has feelings for her and may have been (or still be) cheating on you with her.  If you still want to work on your relationship, get counseling with him.  It IS a big deal and he has no right to discount your feelings the way you say he does.  If he doesn't respect you, you wont change or fix him.  But if you get marriage counseling, you'll have the best chance of getting through this.  Sorry and good luck.
30035
I was actually in a similar situation.  What I did was I sat down and made a list of all the reasons why I should stay with him and all of the reasons why I shouldn't.  Once I came up with 2 exhaustive lists, I was left with 2 lists of equal length.  Then I sat down and started realizing that the reasons why I should stay were things like "because of the time I've invested" "I'm afraid to be alone" "I don't want to be labeled as divorced" "it will be hard on him" ... the reasons why I should go were things like "I can't carry on an intelligent conversation with him; therefore, he never stimulates me" "he doesn't fit in with my lifestyle" "he is not supportive of me furthering education" "I'm not happy/satisfied".  Realizing how shallow my answers were for why I should stay made me realize the answer for myself.\n\nThis is a question that only you can answer, but maybe taking this approach will help you to think about it logically.  I hope you find your answer and I hope that you find happiness.
293927
if you tell him it will probably cause him to mistrust you. funny thing, if his wife's a good liar he's GOING to believe her. YOU NEED PROOF: something so good that she can't lie her way out. if there are kids involved he will keep the best part of his family in the divorce.  family looks out for one another, it's your duty to find the proof
223147
Hi, My X use to do the same exact things! I know exactly what it feels like, unfortunately the last few lies I found out were from my children. He was hangin around with a white trash piece of shit that was his sisters friend. He swore up and down they were just friends, come to find out he had been seeing her off and on for about 12 years! I was married to this asshole for 17 of them! Please please... Listen to your heart, especially with his track record.. make sure for yourself and I hope its not true, but that there isn't another woman! I don't know how I didn't find out sooner. I guess the kids were younger..not sure.. But the things you were saying is just how it was with us.. and he didn't even care when we didn't talk I think he actually enjoyed it because there was less to cover up if I wasn't asking him questions! But please keep your eyes and ears open, and I hope you find nothing but just in case hun.. take it from someone who has been there. Take care good luck and if anything changes please keep me informed or if u need another woman to talk to email or im me anytime! Good luck & be strong! Kim
591952
You said this just started and for no apparent reason. Maybe it is just that you have no clue to the reasoning behind it. I am not saying he is justified in treating you like crap or doing things in front of the children that he shouldn't but there has to be a reason for it. Have you tried asking him what is going on. Maybe something has happened and for what ever reason he can't or doesn't know how to share this with you so in turn his actions is a result of what ever is really bothering him. You have made it clear you won't put up with this so stress this to him again that if he can't share with you what is going on you can't try to help him with it but that he isn't going to take it out on you either. He needs to make the choice as to what to do and then you can choose what to do based on how he feels. I really feel for you hun as something happened to my ex husband and he thought he would become physical with me until I told him he would die before he hit me again and of course the final results was I left. I couldn't fix something that I had no clue as to what was going on and I was not going to be hit on or abused in any other way either. I hope he comes around before you leave him but do what is best for you and the children hun!!.
656874
I think the first thing you need to do is get rid of this man.  If that is the kind of life he wants to live, let him live it without you.  I know it's easy for me to sit here and say that, but do you really deserve a man who is going out and getting someone else pregnant?  I understand your concern for the innocent baby, but if there really is a problem in the home contact DCFS and let them deal with it.   Do yourself a favor and put some serious thought into just why you are fighting so hard to stay with this man.  You deserve better, no woman deserves to be treated like this.
288770
That is pure selfish. He wants other women and you too. Been there before....Not something to try and build another relationship on , a threesome. If he truly loves you, he'll put her to the curb and come back to you, no matter what. If he's asking you this, and is separated from you now, then his intentions aren't to fix things, its to have his cake and eat it too. Its not fair to you, move on, find someone who won't use you to get his kicks like your current hubby....GL;)
355977
How the heck can anyone have X children?\n\nIf these are the children of a former spouse and not his biologically, then he sounds like a wonderful and generous man who will be good to you as well- so leave him alone.\n\nIf these are HIS children with a former spouse, then he sounds like a wonderful and generous man who will be good to you as well- so leave him alone.\n\nEither way, this is not an argument you will EVER win.  Even if his kids are taking advantage of him- it's none of your concern - So leave him alone.
647762
Girl you need to do whats right for you and your kids.If you feel like he's not taking you seriously then you have to figure out if its really a problem for you if so you need to let him know this is how you feel, and if he's still acting like he don't care then girl get up and do it.I know he's your husband but don't let nobody stop you from doing something you want to do.Sounds like he trying to keep you on lock..
589460
Ew...I think he's just a big cheese. Who really says things like that without underlying meanings? He's probably just trying to get laid. And I agree with the lady who posted first, I am kind of offended that that is how he described the work we do. My marriage is more like a  partnership where we share all of the responsibilities whether it be child-rearing, house-cleaning, or working. I don't like being described as someone whp has the dinner on the table by five o'clock and has the kids bathed so my husband doesn't have to do a thing to help. That's just ridiculous.
470830
Well firstly, I dont believe anyone can drag anyone away unless they want to go.  He has a mind of his own and while this woman (well shes more of a girl than a woman) may attract him, he can still make choices.  She is only 18, she has a lot of growing up to do.  She really wouldnt know a lot about love because she is just starting out on her life's journey.  \n\nIf you want my honest opinion, I cant see it lasting with this girl.  He has 4 children and they wont go away.  He has responsibilities and I think it will only be time before she will tire of it all and want to be an 18 year old, going out with boyfriends and having a good time.  \n\nI think you have every reason to be scared about being on your own.  Four children is a big responsibility and to raise them on your own is a huge task.  That doesnt mean it cant be done,  it just makes it harder.  Let me ask you this though.  If the girl tires of your husband and he decides to stay in the marriage, how would you feel?  Everytime he went out you would be wondering who he was with.  Everytime he was home with you, you would be wondering if he was with you out of responsibility or love.\n\nHow do you think it would affect your confidence? I know if it was me, I would prefer to go it alone than have a man who I couldnt trust.  It is heartbreaking to find the man you love is in love with someone else.\n\nI dont think the question is will it last between your husband and this young girl,  I think the real question you should be asking is, could you live with yourself happily, knowing he was in love with someone else.  You would never know if he was thinking about her.  He could even be imagining it is her, not you he is making love to.  You would be forever wondering.\n\nIf your marriage has any chance of making it, he needs to get rid of her totally.  But how would you really know?  He was seeing her secretly when you thought it was over with them, so seriously, you wouldnt feel too wonderful about yourself.\n\nMarriages break down all the time, it hurts like hell and you never think you will get over it.  Believe me you do.  When my marriage split I was absolutely devestated.  I never thought I could ever love any man ever again.  I was still totally in love with him when we separated and even when we divorced I was still in love with him. I had 3 young children at the time too, so it wasnt easy.\n\nTime was my only friend.  It is not a cliche.  It has been 10 years since our divorce and I no longer love him, I dont hate him either, as a matter of fact I dont feel anything for him at all.  I did, however, go through a lot of ups and downs and the only thing that really saved my sanity was myself.  It was only when I said to myself, enough is enough did things start to change.  I started to see myself as an important person.  I started to do things that made me feel competent and confident.  I got a job, I did a course...well several courses. I pampered myself, lost some weight and was really liking what was staring back at me in the mirror.  I started to hang around with positive people...people who were always ready to build me up, not bring me down.  You are in the early stages yet, but believe me...there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You do have the strength to get through this, and for you and your kids sake, you need to take every ounze of pride you have and let your husband know you are not prepared to come second to anyone.  \n\nI really believe it will not last with this young girl,  but lets hope by then you will have found enough strength and self confidence for when he comes begging for you to take him back that you will look at him and say...."You had your chance...you made your bed, now you have to lie in it".  There is a perfect man for you out there somewhere...just waiting.  It happens.  You will not always love your husband this way.  Time will make it get better and better until one day you will wonder how you could have ever loved h
96655
First of all he is lying to you so that is a red flag. The phone calls from other women, him talking on the phone and walking away is enough of a hint that something isn't right. You have a lot of red flags in front of you and the fact that he is physcally and verbally abusive doesn't help either. I know you love him but you have to think of yourself and your kids wellfare. You should leave before you or your kids get hurt. Try to get some professional help too.
287252
Sweetheart, I went through years of hell with a man just like that; I stayed for my kids, and threw my life away.  I waited till the youngest was 15, then left.  My kids ALL said "what the hell took you so long- why didnt you leave him years ago", and when I said I had stayed for them, they called me all kinds of stupid, because they had been really unhappy and ashamed because everyone knew their father was a lush. I am 65 now, and just getting my life back.  What you have there is a self-centred, cold, thoughtless bastard who doesnt give a damn about you or the kids, hon, or he wouldnt treat you like a walking paypacket/ servant.  If you gave up your job and stayed at home what would he call you when he couldn't afford his drink and drugs?? YOU HAVE A LIFE; he has ruined his, dont let him ruin your OR your kids Get out of there girl; wheres YOUR anchor- he thinks its in your head, doesnt he? What this guy needs is an anchor tied round his neck and a swimming lesson.  Be brave; the first step is the hardest, but you can do this; do it for your kids, and do it for YOU.  God bless and keep you, and good luck in the great future you have waiting for you.
111685
I think you would be better off without him.  When I read this I hear a lot about what he wants and how you have problems that need to be worked on.  Everything here says that thing have to be his way or no way.  This guy seems very controlling and doesn't seem to care about your feelings and what is best in your life.  He should realize your kids are your number one priority and he should want to make it easy for you to spend your time with them and going to their activities.  I think you can do better than this guy and can find one who really loves you and is all about doing what is right for you, and not making it all about him and his wants and desires.