im a recovering alcoholic in a 12 step program. the 9th step is making amends to the people i have harmed. but this person is passed away.is there a way to make amends or am i forgiven.because i became willing to make amends?
199457
some believe that repentance is enough some require some sort of restitution still others are not happy unless the offender is punished in some ways you have punished yourself enough direct restitution is not possible repentance will have to do good luck and above all be happy
135599
Do the whole world a favor and turn this person in to the proper authorities. It isn't fair to the folks who are going to rehab to end up with a counselor who isn't honest about THEIR sobriety. There are those who take all that as a joke, but it isn't a joke to ones who are serious about getting their lives back under control! Let this person find another line of work (preferrably one that is legal) and stop the fronting.
317217
I was an alcoholic at age 12 and i havent even desired to drink since i got saved. It disappeared like that. he also saved me from anorexia and bulimia. Jesus saved my life!
481374
I believe there is an exemption from the statute of limitations in cases of this sort.  You absolutely have the right to do this and it may bring you some measure of healing and closure.\n\nGood luck.
47318
Yes.\n\nWhen we do not forgive we hold on to the experience in an\n\nunconscious attempt to change it. Forgiving means that you\n\naccept that the past cannot be change and you are ready to\n\nlet go of it. It does not mean you have to like him.\n\nGood luck.\n\nI can't say I know how you feel, but I hear you and wish\n\nyou healing.
350539
All you you have to do is ask for forgiveness and He will throw the sin into the sea of forgetfulness. God does not hold grudges. Once you accepted Jesus it was forgiven.
36977
Bearing witness to my ex of 11 yrs drown away his life in alcohol abuse. The hard part was struggling to help him overcome his addiction for as long as I remember. It is true you can't help someone who doesn't want the help. His life sprialed so completely out of control that he brought me right down with him. The alcohol turned him from a loving, caring man, to a person that I no longer knew. He became a literal monster....aggressive, mean behavior. Almost burned down my house, blew up my car, stole my dogs, lost his job, family and friends and threatned to commit suicide on far too many occasions.\nIn the end, he found himself in jail, beat up, broke down and hopeless.\nIt was by far the worst period of my life and having to let him go to begin to take care of myself (for once) was excruciatingly heartbreaking.\nI can still cry to this day just thinking about it.
132108
Hopefully you will seek professional help as well as him.  You can not go around thinking you are responsible for someone living or dieing, unless you physically harm someone. I believe you did the right thing, by telling someone. He may not at this time, but in the future he will see that you did him a favor. God forbid he does harm himself, you can not continue on with life believing that you are responsible.
199091
my mother was an alcoholic. I am not.\n\nIt can be hereditary. If NO ONE in your family has this disease, they may have began drinking at a very young age. \n\nI urge you to find them help. My mother died two weeks before my 13th birthday. She was 41 years old. She slipped in our bathtub and her she had a hemorage in her brain. This caused a stroke. She would have lived for all we know but because she had drank so much throughout her life her blood vessels had thinned out. When they had to put the feeding tube in they scratched the lining of her stomach. Because her blood vessels were so thinned out, her stomach filled up with blood and she died. \n\nAt the time she died she had been a 6 month RECOVERED alcoholic. \n\nIt is very dangerous. I hope maybe you can share my story with your children and show them the severity. It takes a lot of will power and many scare tactics for most people to over come this illness. They have to hit "rock bottom" before they can recover many times and no telling how severe that bottom can be.\n\nMy mother was a wonderful person, I never even caught on to her drinking problem until years after her death. Not all alcoholics are the "happy" type. I was fortunate to get the time I had with her. \n\nHer mother is still alive and the devestation that she has gone through due to loosing her daughter is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I feel it was much worse than how I suffered and I would hate for you to end up in her position.\n\nPlease Take Care and I will pray for you and your family.
553637
i have been raised with an alcoholic family....mother, her husband, 2 uncles and 1 aunt, so i know full well what you mean about not wanting to be around your dad, i had this every day for a long time, eventually i gave up and left, one of my family members died, she was lovely sober but horrible drunk, but i loved her, i used to visit her more because she was not as bad as the others, she was 32 when she died i blamed myself because, that day, i should have been there but i couldn't make it, she died alone, no one there with her, i tortured myself for years wondering what it was like for her as she was dying and no one was there to help, i felt so sad for her.... i felt guilty and i could not sleep, so i know exactly how you feel... i watched the rest of my family ruin themselves and i had to do something about it and decided to try and get them help....2 have not touched a drink in 11 months, the rest wont have it....they want to stay drunk, but i tried...i have helped myself tackle my obsession about my aunt, i see now that alcoholism is a disease....so please do not blame yourself over your dads death you have to stop thinking like that....just take one day at a time, he would like you to be happy....bless you....x\n\nreturnofkarlos.......congratulations.....i admire you....keep going
50078
make friends in AA\n\nby the way, if you are still the same person you were before you quit drinking, you are in danger of starting drinking again. take away the alcohol and you are left with the reasons you drank. these include resentments, anger, and fear. it is obvious you are resenting your friends, angry they are not responding the way you expect them to, and afraid of not finding the acceptance you cannot give yourself.\n\nwork the steps they work.
162537
Forgiving the dead can only be a healthy action made by the living.If you are seeking forgiveness after you die, or "stop breathing for the last time", you are still alive to ask the question. That tells me that I as a friend would do every thing I could do to ease your suffering. Of course not every body has a friend to forgive them after they stop breathing. Know this, I could be a friend,that would much rather forgive you in life. The question to me says "forgive me if I fall apart when you all need me the most". Please take care of yourself, and please try to find forgiveness in life not death. Have a nice day!
232708
I personally find all 12 step meetings objectionable because I do not buy into the theory of Step 1. I am not powerless. My father was employed in this field and I got the pleasure of helping him by volunteering occasionally. He worked for the county's substance abuse commission. The commission had 'group therapy' for people, such as yourself. Some clients were there by court order, some not. I thought these programs were better than 12 step. You need to find the program that feels right to you, but your county commission is one option. Good luck.
669698
Stacy,\n\nI answered your last question because it appeared you wanted to know how to move on but this question is now about not moving on and instead trying to help your husband with his drinking problem. My answer to this will be short and to the point ... you cant. Unless he wants help and is willing to make the sacrifices to stop drinking and change his life he will never stop and things will only get worse with time.
217996
Make a video of her doing it....what a wonderful world we live in where you can tape just about anything and everything. Yes she has a problem with drinking because she cannot remember anything she does the next day. What she is doing is killing herself and one day may end up in the hospital for alcohol poisioning if she doesn't watch herself. But ya its AA not AAA, I think your A key got stuck hopefully. AA is not a shame but rather a support group for those who have alcohol dependency. I wouldn't knock it if you don't know what it is like.
643962
Move on with your life.  Perhaps in the future you mom will get off the drugs and put her life back in order.  Maybe she will ask you for forgiveness.  Maybe she will remain a drug addict forever.\n\nConsider this however.  Most drug addicts have to hit rock bottom before they seek help and recovery.  If you forgive her and she feels that what she did was not that bad you may be contributing to her remaining as a drug addict.  Perhaps your absence and lack of forgiveness will be one more reason for her to feel that it is time to seek help.\n\nIt's tricky, and there is probably no right answer.  But generally for me if someone tries to kill me even if it is a parent, I tend to be slow to forgive.
176442
Are you working your program? If your not doing any work, you will surely drink again. I got to a point in my recovery where i stopped doing the work. I relapsed (surprise, surprise) This time around, when I feel myself getting bored, I do something to help someone who is still suffering. It helps me remember where I've been, and where I don't want to be anymore. It also keeps me out of my pity pot. "Pour me, pour me, pour me another drink" This program is for people who WANT it. I had to take every drink I took to get here. You'll know when your truly ready. Have you had enough pain yet?\n"It Works If You Work It"