My son is almost 18 yrs, old and REFUSES to pick up after himself. This has been an on going war between us since he was about 12. Last night he was told to rinse and stack the dishes. He did JUST that. Mind you he was standing right beside the empty dishwasher as he did this. Not one rinsed dish made it to the dishwasher. Now, he is almost ready to go out & face the world with his pants around his A$$ and dirty towels all over his floor. How can I fix this? All ideas greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
216100
I have no doubt that you have been trying to instill values of the clean nature in him for a long time. Here he is almost 18 and has yet to adapt. Soooo, I am relatively sure you are asking for help, but not expecting any miracles. You know that you have probably already exhausted every avenue that any one of us might tell you. I have sons also, and when you describe your son its as if you were talking about one of my boys. I have no solution for you,... I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this aspect. There is one thing you can "teach yourself" though that might eliminate some of your frustration about him. Don't take it personnel when he does this! Save your energy. Choose your battles! Keep instilling the lesson of what he needs to know, but don't worry about him not doing it. Try a role change with him on occasions,... when he needs you to do something, tell him "just a minute", or "I will get on that soon", or "I meant to do that, but forgot", ...throw his lines back at him and watch him get frustrated. Its good clean amusement for you, I promise!  My boys, and I am sure your son, too, are 'good' people, and yes, lazy people. But as long as he is staying out of real trouble, you really have no problems compared to some Moms out there. They do grow up, and when you go to their homes in the future, he will make you proud. I know!!! You are me, 14 years ago. Hang in there, its going to be alllllright!
331259
There is not much you can do for someone who is not willing to  help themselves.  You should be the one to drop off and pick up the kids.  SMART MOVE.  It is not a real good way to show parenting skills if he is a drunk.   I question is ability to take care of the kids?  Suggest AA or a treatment center in your area to help him regain his self confidence within himself.  It is better to help him out than to turn against him, if nothing else put for the kids sake.  Best wishes to you all
267959
Sounds like you need to examine your own lifestyle. All this bed hopping hasn't exactly worked, has it? Think it through. Your son has been through a lot, granted. But WHY has he been placed in that position? Take control of your life and learn from your mistakes.
135976
try to get your neighbour to help? call 911? the latter makes better sense though and maybe they can help you with your diarrhoea too. =)\nif me sending my spouse to hospital is my only option.. i'll sh*t my pants and car and everywhere else if i have to. but of course my apologies to all who have to do the cleaning.
117405
You may try and train him like a puppy.  Sit him on the toilet after he wakes up in the morning or after naps.  Also after playing, after eating, and before bed time; and any other time you see that look on his face.  Don't forget to verbally re-enforce what you are doing..."u need to potty?", "Yeah lets go potty",ect.\n\nOnce he begins to combine the bathroom, with the feeling of using the bathroom, and your pleasure when he makes waste...it may become more natural.
314168
You have answered your own question...Its your public humiliation.  He knows what to expect from you in public as well as at home.  You need to be consistant no matter where you are.  Why are you calling him "a million times"?\n\n You may have to leave your cart in the store a few times while you go to the car to talk to him.  You may even have to go home without your groceries if he doesn't act approprately but it will be worth it in the long run.\n\nMy daughter had the same problem with her son at that age.  I can remember him being loud and saying no at a very busy restaurant on a Friday night.  She was too mortified to move  when everyone got quiet and turned to look at us.\n \nI picked him up and took him outside.  I firmly told him that if he would behave that we could go back in to have dinner with everyone else but if he acted up again that he would get a spanking and have to sit in the car with me until everyone was finished eating.  OR if he didn't want to go back in (didn't think that he could behave long enough for us to fininsh eating) then he could get a spanking and go to the car right then.\n\nHe chose to go back into the restaurant and finish dinner after he repeated to me what was going to happen if he didn't behave.  We had a wonderful dinner.
615150
It depends on if he is a high functioning Autism person. Some live very productive lives. There functioning can also be higher some days then others. As for the unwashed dishes and clothes, well that's not being Autism, that's being a teenager. If it really worries you then have the authorities check it out.
133565
I think you need to tell him he needs to talk to his ex about coming up with a disciplinary plan. Discipline must be consistant at both of their homes. Kids will act the way they are allowed to. You definately can't ban them from coming to your house but you just need to make it known that they can't behave that way in your home.
162450
I would first take a step back a breathe.  Delegate around the house, make the kids help.  It's still young so it will be easier to get them to.  Small tasks and more as they grow, by the time they are 12-14 they can do most of the tasks for you making your life easier (sure that's a ways away but it's a start)  4 yo can pick up toys and take them to the room, 6 yo can dust lower shelves (NO CHEMICALS) or pic up clothes, make a game taking them to laundry area.  Cut back the school.  See if you can swing going only 1 or 2 days a week.  Then get those days off of work.  Or go to school after work making 2 days off in a row to do family and YOU things.  (This helped me when i was working 80 hrs a week at 2 jobs.)  Lastly, if you find yourself getting to Anxious, and worrying TOO much, it may be a sign you need to talk to your doctor.  Everyone gets down or overwhelmed.  But when you can't get out, it's perfectly fine to ask for help.
501956
Financial wasn't a big deal really.  We don't fight about that.  What we fight about is that he is a total slob and I'm constantly picking up his shi* off the floor.....it makes me absolutely crazy.  He stinks up the bathroom.....he releases gas from every orifice....ugh!  it's just gross!  Had I known he would get "that" comfortable, I probably would have reconsidered everything.
474096
No, we don't argue about it anymore. When I got tired of doing it all by myself, I made a Housework chart. I listed the chores that had to be done daily,weekly, monthly and seasonably including the time it takes me to do them. After seeing it in black and white, how much I had to do after getting home, he ask what he could do to help. I let him pick the chores he wanted to do and added a few I thought he could handle. Now he's done them for the last 20 years. He doesn't do everything to my liking, so when he is not around I'll go into the corners he missed. It helps a lot,even if it isn't as well as if I had done it myself and I'll tell him ever so often how lucky I am to have a partner that helps out so much.
318514
i dont think its your problem man. i know he's your kid and you're concerned for him, but if he's 30 and cant get his crap straight, i dont know what you can really do for him. he's going to need to be willing to start at the bottom. like, rock bottom, working at wendy's or something. but, thats better than going back to jail.
201689
My youngest step daughter used to wet her bed in the early hours of the morning.  We stopped this by getting her up just before we went to bed around 11pm and taking her to the toilet.  Also restricted drinks after 5pm.  During the day, we just asked every so often if she needed to go to the loo.  And if too longer gap between visits she had to go and try even if she thought she didnt need to go.  Also the bed wetting and "accidents" were down played to being no big deal so as to not associate negative stuff with the whole thing.  Most kids either get too caught up in what they are doing or having to much fun to notice they need to go to the loo or they can be stressed about other events in their lives.
446376
I really feel for you.  I am in a similar situation with my partner (we have a five year old).  I have had to constantly remind him to do things (yes, like nagging), but explaining it to him in terms of how it effects me seems to have some impact, and he'll make a concious effort to do the dishes or hang some laundry.   However, i still do the lion's share, that's for sure.\n\nI feel for you because you are so overwhelmed with a new baby anyway, you need all the help and support you can get.  It's not a viable option to just do your babies and your laundry, or cook yourself a meal because you would end up just feeling guilty (I know!).  \n\nIs it possible for you to stay at a relatives house for a week or so?  I often find absences like this make them realise just how lucky they  have things at home.  Once the chaos of dirty dishes, no food, no toilet paper hits home - it may make him see some sense?\n\nI wish I could suggest  more for you.  I really empathise.
262239
If this is a elder person, Have the family pitch in to clean up then suggest that y'all take turns coming on specific days to help keep things in check. If this home belongs to someone who is physically able to do something about it, I would volunteer to help clean it up again, get the animals outside, have the city check the back up in the pipes, and let them know, if things don't stay cleaned up, you won't allow the children to visit anymore. If you think it is unhealthy, let them know. If you don't do something, someone else will. Better to hear it from you, than have the authorities kick them out of the home.
521580
It sounds like only one of you matured.  If he is going to treat you like a room mate, then why not return the favor.  Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking him supper, just you and the kids, stop making it easy for him.  Before you do that though, get the kids off to mom's or someplace they will be taken care of, take his keyboard, mouse and monitor and hide them and tell him he can have them back after the two of you talk.  Sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know that you feel neglected and more like his live in maid than his wife and that you need more.  If he fails to respond, stop doing for him and when he asks why, you can let him know that since you are not having your needs met by him, that you do not find it necessary to meet his.  If you still can not get his attention, just set up a week vacation for you and the kids, don't say a word about it to him, just go to your mom and dad's or bothers or sisters for a week.  Let him come home to an empty house where he has to do everything for himself and take care of the dogs.  If he does not like it, let him know that if you do not get some of his attention, he will have it like that everyday of his life when you leave him for good.
598525
wtf hahahahaha this is so funny omg..haha i was cracking upp\nwow..funny...\n\nbut anyways...yea...u need to clean urself up little boy!! \nmy goodness!!\ngo get some Lime Away or somethin.. after that....scrub ur a** with a car sponge....\n\nok good luck with this kid.