We have a 10 month old son, and another baby due in august. He works almost 70 hrs. a week and I work from home. We don't see each other often, and it has been 5 months since we made love. I try to make moves on him, but he says he is too tired. But what I don't understand is how he can be tired but still wake up before me and the baby, so he can watch porn! or he stays up later than me to watch it. Even when I am laying in bed next to him, he will still go to the other room to look at porn. I don't understand WHY! If I am right there, and he knows i want to, because I ask him about this all the time! My opinion is that I have gained too much weight from the pregnancies, but he says that is not it, and he loves me how I am. Can somebody please tell me what is going on in his mind? I am so confused! Why would he rather have porn than have me?
205941
He may have lost attraction to you... sad to say. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.... you're having his kids for crying out loud!!! Personally, I would love my wife even more during that period, however, a lot of men arent like that. It probably has something to do with the weight you have gained from both pregnancies. You need to talk to him about your feelings and your concerns. Maybe marriage counseling would help... if you are both opened minded to that. You are going through a hard time now, physically, emotionally and all. I wish he was more supportive of you. Basically, dont take his selfishness and ignorance personal. You are doing a very important job right now and looks are secondary. Just my thought on the subject....\n\nCounselorDan
8143
Is he depressed, stressed or something else?  Will he see a doctor.\n\nA healthy man will usually have a healthy sex life.  I think you should be honest and tell him this is destroying your love for him and you would like him to address the issue.  \n\nIf he doesn't know how, then suggest that he start with the source of being tired.\n\nOne other thing that popped into my head.  Does he just say that to avoid a long conversation.  Perhaps he doesn't feel "safe" talking about what he really feels and thinks because he is judged or criticized.
199773
are you sleeping with your kids?I did that because my son wouldnt sleep threw the night unless i was there.So I stayed in his room.I think sleeping is a personal thing.But I dont get along with my husband.So I dont really care.\n But it will hurt a marriage if you dont.And what does your husband say about all of this?Mine didnt like it at all.\nif you want to get back in bed with your husband,take a vacation at home and make the kids sleep by there self or try putting them together.A week should just about make the change work.But thats if you want to sleep with your husband
38608
I just noticed your other post and you left out a fact in this post that all he wants to do all day is "play video games and sit and watch T.V." It is interesting to me that you left this fact out of this post and only focused on the employment issue. I think you realize what a ridiculous situtation you have worked your way into and are now floundering about trying to get your legs back under you. He undoubtably loves you totally because he now has no job, has video games, no responsibility, a woman that will work to support him, a roof over his head, food to eat, and someone to have sex with on a daily basis. What boy wouldn't love that. I refer to him as a boy although I don't know his age but based on what seems to be important to him.\n\nTHINK about it! Do you come home to a dirty or clean home? What is he teaching your daughters by example? More importantly, what impression of men is he sending to your daughters? Are you planning on marrying him? Are you able to accept the responsibility as breadwinner in the family? What will he do if you get pregnant again and cannot work, can you rely on him? Sometimes the feelings in our heart outweigh what we already know in our minds. Think it through carefully. \n\nDecide what you want to do based on your responsibility as a mother to your daughters and the unspoken promises you made to them when you brought them into this world. Their experiences in life will shape their future choices. Don't you want better for them?\n\nMy true thought, dump him. Live on your own with your daughters. There are several government programs to help the three of you. This will undoubtably be a huge change in their lives and they will need counseling which the government can provide. There are rent subsidies, food stamps, help with utilities, and so much more. You can even go to college for free. Get a better life for you and your daughters. Forget your heart for a while and think with your brain, you'll hopefully make much better choices in the future.
488549
hon. I'm afraid that all the DVDs in the world wont mean a darn thing if your husband  cant make time for him self. and second if he got time to watch a DVD then he got time to go work out. I'm sorry he works long hours, trust me i know the feeling. but it is matter of wanting it.
515569
You are being used. This guy obviously only wants sex. \n\nIf you can see that for yourself, why are you still with him? You've got to have incredibly low self-esteem if you don't realize that you can do a lot better than how this creep is treating you.....\n\n<edit>\n\nIf there's a baby involved, you really need to get this guy out of your bed. For one thing, what if he fathers another one on you? For another, your son will grow up thinking it's perfectly normal to use women for sex. For a third thing, don't you want the baby to have a dad that's there for him? Right now, your ex only plays with him because he happens to be there where your ex goes to get laid....
178201
Sex is very important in mine and my husbands relationship . I will be honest and say for two weeks we have not had sex or talked much about anything and we always had talked before . After my husband went to  work today I emailed him and asked him what was going on . He says he's been tired and under a lot of stress at work and has a lot of stress because his brother lost his kids . I have been so sad the past week just because I didn't feel loved or wanted . After he talked to me about what was going on I felt a lot better but sex helps people feel more loved and wanted . To me sex and talking is a big part of a relationship .\n\nAngel
213962
Porn is addictive, and is very hard to break free of.  If you're worried about it now, don't let yourself be fooled by the idea that he'll stop soon.  If he's that into it, it'll take more than you fussing at him to make him stop.  The good news is that it does not necessarily mean that he does not find you attractive.  Guys have a way of separating fact from fiction in this way.  This is not a good thing, but it's probably the allure of the women in the pictures (ie, the fact that they're 'willing and ready to  go) more than the fact that they are thin or have huge, uh, body parts.  He needs an ultimatum.  Them or you.
111483
I'm in the same boat as you!  Actually my husband and I just had a detailed conversation about this last night. He says that it makes him feel dirty and he doesn't think it is normal.  He is also gentle and caring and loving and not that I don't appreciate all those great qualities about him,sometimes I'd like for him to do something totally unexpected and out of his norm.  After the talking though,he seems set in his ways and isn't willing to even try. I suppose I could offer you the same advice and TALK to him and see what his point of view is. You could also try getting some mild toys and start out slow and see where that gets you?  Sorry,can't be of more help,but I think everyone has their own mindset and that's a hard one to change ,especially if they are adamant about their viewpoint.  Good luck though!  I'll put you on my watch list and maybe learn something too!!  ZOYA.\n\nEDIT: To Dklyde:  That is a very good question!!\nHowever we now have 3 children and that takes precedence over my sexual needs when it comes to the thought of leaving.
76765
First off, he obviously loves you for you and is with you so the weight isn't an issue for him.  However, it sounds like you don't like the way you look.  So you need to realize that you want to lose weight for you so you will love yourself.  This can only be a good thing in the end for you, your relationship, and your baby since you are that childs role model.  Weight watchers will only work if you stick to it, as with any diet.  The key to losing weight is about portion size more than anything else.  If you eat 6 smaller meals instead of 3 big meals you actually can lose weight.  Keep excercising and work on portion control and you will gradually lose the weight and be the person you want to be.
414072
Honey, where do you see yourself in ten or even five years from today?  Love is a wonderful thing to have but when it comes down to it, It doesn't pay the bills.  \n\nHe needs to be working with you, not against you.  It may seem like he is helping by taking care of the baby in the day time, but you might as well be working two jobs, because the minute you hit the door you have a baby in your arms to take care of with dishes, and clothes to wash.  Your working yourself to death.\n\nIt doesn't seem like your doing so much when you know it has to be done and you've just gotten so used to doing it.  \n\nLook at the big picture!  What if the baby needs that health insurance?  Heaven forbid!  \n\nWhat if you had a sitter to take care of the baby.  It would be nice to go to work, pick up the baby from the sitter, go home to a house you previously cleaned and is still clean because nobody has been sitting around making it dirty again, and then do just for yourself and the baby.  A place where you don't have to pay for or watch football.  I think you might find that you are not as tired or as stressed and you may even have money left over for extras.\n\nI don't even think you can really call him your Fiance.  Maybe you need a break from him.   Maybe he will stop being so passive and step it up in his business affairs once he sees that you are serious.
307612
I am not sure i understand you, but if i do the problem was him looking at porn...r u not good enough. It depends on who he is. Soe men just like porn. I am not saying weather it is right or not. But if you make it a forbidden fruit it can only get worse. Try praying about it....\n\nI have been overweight before and I would help you if you needed tips to loose weight in a healthy way. :)
118153
Dear girl, Oh my... I wish you had asked for advice 2 years ago; perhaps much of your pain could have been avoided.\n\nYou say you two have NOT been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and you are still with him. WHY are you still in this relationship? He's NOT committed to you and hasn't been for 2 years! Is he sleeping with other women? Are you sleeping w/ other men? Have you even thought about the risk of HIV and AIDS? You two have a child now. And my dear, why did you get pregnant with a man who hasn't been committed to you? You should never have sex with any man who is not committed to you. He gets sex, you get hurt. It happens every time. Unfortunately, you are not the  only one getting hurt; you have made a baby and brought your child into this situation. \n\nDo you two still live together because you have a child, or because it's easier than moving out? Let me ask you, does he support you and your child financially? Are you you paying any of the bills? Are you paying bills for your baby? If your baby's father is not supporting you 100% emotionally AND financially, then you are better off leaving for good, once and for all. I am sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he may be using this "money issue" as an excuse and he doesn't have the guts to get out of the relationship. Some men can't handle being fathers, especially if they are not in love with the baby's mother. Having a baby brings a couple in love even closer, but couples who are not in love do not get closer after the baby is born.\n\nI wish I could tell you otherwise, but I definitlely think it's time for you both to be grownups. Living the way you both are is not the adult, responsible way to solve this problem. Make an agreement regarding the child's support and visitation and part company amicably. Many women with small children meet other men who do love them and will be committed to them and their child/children. My father met my mother when she was a yound divorcee with a 2 year old and married her and proceeded to have 2 more children with her. They were married 53 years until he passed. There is hope for you to do the same.\n\nIf you are not good with $$$, then take some money management classes (@ a local school, community college, aid center). You will need these skills whether you are on your own or not. \n\nIf you were not honest regarding $$$ with your partner, then I suggest you get to church, temple, etc., and you start being honest with God and yourself. Remember, you have a child you need to be teaching good values to now. If you were honest, then you're okay there, but going to a place to have a relationship with God will still be powerful for you at this time. \n\nYou CAN start a new and better life. Don't give up on yourself, no matter how hard it may be at times!
203907
Its sad to say it, but usually when porn comes into the mix, it means that others things are too. What if your kids see that? You sound like you really care about your kids...So before you do anything rash sit down and talk. Its funny to say, but communication is the key, get everything off of your chest and tell him how you feel..because then if things don't work out at least you will know that you tried...if you don't try you might always think...What if I made a huge mistake, by talking to him you will know for sure what to do and it wont be a suprise to him when you tell him. Do what is best for you and your kids, dont put you or your children in a possesion that you don't feel safe. You should never have to dread your husband coming home you should be able to enjoy your family. And the whole sex thing...How dare he think that after he treats you like that he can just have his way with you.... Sex is between a husband and wife and it is a very sacred and special thing it should not be used to make the other feel belittled. Good luck I really hope all goes well for you and your kids.
148975
It sounds as if he is displeased with the state of your life together.  You are both working way too much in my opinion.  You should both cut back.  Then he'll have plenty of time to sleep and you'll have more time to spend together.
221767
Honestly dear if he isn't realising it now, its because he is scaired. He is afraid of how it is going to change his life. Having a baby really makes a differents in a marrage and in life in general. I am 26 and have a 81/2 month old son and I have been married for just over a year now and having my son has dramaticly changed everything. No more parties, no more late nights, no more road trips at the drop of a hat. All that stops because you have a baby to take care of. Your child also has to be the number one priority over everything else. Basicly the fun party time of life is over like I said. \nBeing a mom is fun and I love it, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but it is a different kind of fun. \n           There are alot of sleepless night, ( for some parents not all. I am lucky, my son is a really good baby. ) crabby baby and lots of new responsibilities. It is also hard on you and your husband also. The intimate part of your life will be really hard to have depending on your child. Some couples have that totaly taken away because of the stess of the baby. ( caulic ect.) \n\nBottom line if hes not ready for it and you get pregnant, he might just rebel against the hole thing and it could do more damage then good.\nThats why it is important to make sure that you are BOTH ready for it cuz its alot of responsibility for both of you.\n          Also, for most men though it is the loss of freedom. \n\nIf you would like to talk to more just email me ok.\ntruely_reliable_friend@yahoo.com or just add me to your messenger and I would be more than happy to talk to you more.\n\nGood luck hun
180149
When I was married with one child and a Home Daycare (18hr a day with 32 children throughout the day, 3 employees) I kept my roles in order. First I was His wife;a mother and a Business woman.I kept making love to him on my mind throughout the day.So, when he get home I was always HOT for him.Sometime women put the mother thing first, that's not so. Keep your sex life on your mind and your mind on your Husband everything else will get in line.You're going to fill real good ,try it.