im currently in a rship with my bf of 5 years. he had done many things behind my back before, and we've broken up about a dozen times. but we always ended up back together.&#92;\nits been ages since he last screwed me over and im glad. but i cant shake off the feeling that there is still more to come. yeah. i dont trust him. what is love without trust? its pretty nerve wrecking really. but im stuck. we're living together and i do love him unconditionally. but the suspicion drives me mental. we've talked about it a million times and i hate to bring up the subject again and again, fearing we'd fight over it. its in the past, i know but its so hard to let go, even though i had closure. heck, i even cheated on him too just to get even. \nso here's the big question, how do i work on our trust and just move along?
213086
maybe u need relationship guidance or he needs more than 1 woman 2 satisfy him coz hes greedy.
402932
Trust is earned, never freely given.\n\nBeing burned a few times myself has made me very cautious about who I trust, but relationships are built on trust.  So, what does one do?\n\nWell, it is a kind of process, I have found.  One only metes out trust a little at a time, starting at "friendly."  From there on, it is a gradual process where one observes what they say and do to see if the two match.  After a while, one learns to trust the other when it is shown that they are trustworthy.\n\nBe friendly, mete out your trust a little at a time, and always be observant and pay attention to any "red flags" about the guys behavior.\n\nOne admonition: the road goes two ways.  Be a person who is fair, honest, and trustworthy yourself.  He'll probably be watching you as well!\n\nGood luck!
470170
Sounds like you are having second thoughts about giving him a second chance.  Not only did he break the trust in your relationship, but he did a little shattering of your confidence too.  You can't let anyone shatter your confidence, so if this is torturing you and making you think thoughts that are killing you, then it may be something you need to let go of.  When you forgive someone that means letting go of all the hurt and moving on to the next step and it seems like something that you are not able to do.  If you love him and you think that he is heartily sorry for what he did, then let it go and move on with your relationship.  If not, then you need to let him go and do whatever he has to do and you go do what you have to do.  It sounds like you still think he is misleading the both of you and you can't live like that!  It will kill you!  Make that decision on your own, don't wait for it to backfire.  Usually your first mind is your right mind. You are more important than anything.  I was in a situation like that once and it didn't work out for the good, not saying that is the case with your situation, but you should always go with your first mind. I know it will be hard, but it will work out better in the long run.
195798
Has he always been this way or has it just been recently?  Has anything happened between the two of you, as far as cheating, that would make him feel like he had to be so inquisitive?\n\nI just don't see how you can be together without trust; that is the number one thing in a relationship.  This situation will not get better if you just ignore it.  Do you really want to have to worry the rest of your life about what he is going to say when you come home an hour late or if some other male calls you, no matter who it is!  \n\nIf it were me, I would get it out in the open with him and really discuss how you are feeling.  Maybe even suggest you two going to a counselor.  You should be able to tell from his responses if he is willing to work on things and change to better your relationship.\n\nGood luck!
45609
It is human nature not to trust someone that has hurt you that bad.   It is hard to work through that pain,  You will never trust each other like you did before.  Realize that and accept the fact you both have cheated.\n\nNow you need to move beyond it.  Forget trust, and stop worrying.  Concentrate on the reasons that you both want to stay together.  Rebuild your relationship on thse reasons.  If it's for the kids, make the kids the center of your life.  If it's because you still love each other, concentrate on that.  \n\nNow go to counselling.
46106
Males can't..repeat..can't be trusted. They were born liars. Ok, maybe not all of them. Go with gut instinct. In our defense, we females were gifted with intuition. Make sure you convience yourself you can live without him..just in case. Love is a state of mind as well as a state of the heart. One can heal the other. Life is too precious to depend on someone else's love. If you have found it, that's great. If not, you will find it elsewhere. It's one of life's grand lessons. You have to go through it to grow. Good luck.
550786
At least you're on the right path. You are aware of the situation in hand. In my opinion, your on the path to healing. I think that you're probably finished with all the pain and ready to move on. No matter how scared you are, you should do what's in your best interest. You'll probably be better off without him. \nKeep in mind that you are number one!\nLove should never hurt.. If you feel like your ready to move on, but are scared, weigh your options. Compare it to how your feeling now... Talk to someone about it...A friend. Someone who will be there for you.\n\nGood luck
379728
Angel is right, if you don't have trust for the man then there no salvageable relationship. Give him space, let him go to make his own decision. If he comes back to you then it's meant to be. But just make sure he's not going back and forth between the two of you.
46554
It pretty much comes down to this: You either trust him or you don't. There is no "in between" trust. So ask yourself this: Do I trust him? If the answer is yes then there should be no problem with accepting what he says to you. If the answer is no then you would be treating yourself with respect by not staying with him, getting on with your life and not looking back. Once the trust is gone it never comes back. Not truly 100%. The most important thing is to be true to yourself!
105489
If you don't trust her things aren't going to get any better between the two of you.  My ex lied to me about something HUGE and when he was caught he apologized and I took him back but I NEVER trusted him again and it led to me breaking up with him again.  You deserve to be with someone that you can trust and that respects you.  The best thing that you can do is end this now and stop dragging it out.  The longer that you drag this out the harder that it is going to be on both of you.
442801
Ask yourself if you can live with that person, can you ever trust them again? Can you forgive them? Otherwise you will live a life of always wondering, and checking in on that person. Make sure you are not just avoiding the obvious- to dodge the pain now. It may hurt to let go now, but later you will be grateful, when you meet the right person who wouldn't cheat on you.
562335
I think when you mess up in a relationship it's hard to earn your trust back. It's the HARDEST thing in the world, and I say it b/c there are things that I said to my fiance over 5 yrs ago that he still brings up to this day ~ and vice versa for him. But talking always helps... I would say if you really think this guy is Mr. Right go up to him on Saturday and talk to him. But if your out having a good time, just continue to have a good time and leave the serious talks for another day, just try to be good friends again AND then see if you can get back together. I think sometimes it's hard to be hurt or confused and jump right back into the same situation, but if your confused and you have fun then he will remember what he likes about you or he'll find out what he doesn't like about you... but either way your better off knowing which is how he feels. \n\n~ Good luck
222950
You are truly in a classic catch-22 situation with no real positive outcome unless you change your perception of your relationship.  The reason that I view this as a catch-22 is that you have competing feelings about the relationship and are not even truly aware of it.\n\nWhen you hold a grudge, or in other words, withhold your forgiveness for past actions, you keep yourself closed off from the full potential of the relationship you are in.  At the same time that you are limiting the potential of creating a stronger bond with your boyfriend you are wishing and hoping that you will mysteriously be able to let go of the grudge you have been holding against him for his past actions.\n\nNot letting go, not forgiving, holding grudges...these are all natural emotional reactions fueled by your ego in an attempt to prevent the same pain you felt last year from being felt again, especially at the hands of the same person.\n\nIf you are unable to take the risk of trusting, then you are going to be similarly unable to release the negative blanket that the grudge is over your relationship. If you cannot release the negative value judgment you hold against your boyfriend then your time wondering how you are going to be able to move on will simply be time wasted.\n\nIn short, you hold this grudge to protect yourself, which is fine and normal in most situations.  If you continue to hang onto the grudge, in the very least be honest with yourself regarding the related consequence of you also holding back your relationship.\n\nI know the whole thing doesn't sound fair, but he cannot change the actions of his past so the responsibility is upon you to change your actions in the present, anything short of that and you are going to be wondering how to get over your grudge for a long time.\n\nGood luck.
128307
Just realize that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. And even if you did decide to take him back you'd have to decide if you wanted his infidelity to taint your relationship pretty much forever. Once trust has been lost in that way its really tough to get it back. And even then you are aware of exactly what he is capable of. Once a cheater always a cheater and don't think that isn't true.\n\nWhat you have to realize about people who cheat is they are always looking for the greener side of the grass and at any moment they may decide they have found it again. You deserve to be secure in your relationship and not constantly worried by this possibility.\n\nMy advice is to think of what you deserve to be happy. Don't be mean and spiteful, instead just do what he has done and worry about your own happiness. 7 years may be a long time, but the rest of your life is longer. You will know what is right for you. I decided to walk away and every day I thank god I did, because I am so much happier for it.
25139
Well something like that is hard to let go. Because it keep replaying in your mind. If you are afradi of this happing again more than likely it will happen again. Because I had a ex-fiance that cheated left and right. He also told me that he would never do it again. But he did. Once they do it they contuine to do it. So your best bet would be to move on with your life with out him...
642038
I didn't even finish reading your note, but from experience I would recommend ditching him... you deserve someone who can make up his mind and can love you 100%!! I had a fellow like that and I think he kept me around as security, so he wasn't alone and felt loved... don't be his love of last resort! Be strong and move on...
291226
been there done that...and all i can say is that no matter what others say this is really something you have to get over yourself\n\ni went out with the same guy three different times over two and a half years. he cheated on me every single time and still i kept going back. finally after the third time something clicked. i was ready to marry this guy, i had the ring and everything. after the third time, i would hang out with him because i figured i could be just friends but that didnt work.\n\ni still think about him, i still love him, but i am happily married to the greatest guy in the world. the only thing that helped was time, and my own determination.\n\ngood luck