I am a 23 year old guy.I have been dating my best friend of two years, for the past 10 months.  She is 27, and I sense the end of the relationship coming.  I am not strong enough to break it off (I love her so much), but how do I get more independent, and strong and more confident so when the end does come I can take my exit cue without even blinking?
200417
no matter what if you love her it will hurt and will hurt badly. Perhaps if you exaimine the reason why the relationship is drawing to close there might be something that you can do to prevent it. \nIf you really want to become more independant then do more things either: alone or with friends(excluding her). Jusr dont spend as much time with her. If I were you I would brace myself for the end, but at the same time try to fix it. \nI know that sounds hard to do and I would most likely fail at it, but I do think it would be the thing to do.
195678
It's a good sign that you're wondering if you're ready for a b/f. If you feel that you want that it's all good. Just be careful not to go too far too fast. At that age it feels like it will last a Lifetime, but the reality is 3 mos. and another 3 yrs. of heartache. But that's how you get better at relationships down the line. Take it light, have fun, go out, do stuff; just don't spend all you time in the bedroom. Relationships are about a LOT more than that. Yet it's also hard to resist at that age. (I know how I was, and maybe that's the farthest thing from your mind. All I'm saying is don't give too much away too fast.)
337330
I'm having the same problem myself. The way I decided to solve my problem, was to be great friends, but casual daters. If you value your relationship (as friends and lovers) talk about it...over chinese food or pizza or something. Really talk about if you think the relationship will last more than a month and what would really change once you 'officially' started dating. would there really be a difference in how you act around each other other than physically (i.e. hand-holding, kissing, etc.)?
74313
I have been through a similar experience. Just over a year ago the guy who I had planned on marrying & I decided to part ways. Even though it was mutual I had a really hard time moving on. I started dating again right away, but soon realized that in the process of dating my ex I had lost track of who I really was, therefore all the guys I dated after him; I was dating for the wrong reasons. I don't know if that makes sense, but I decided that I had to "date myself" first before I was ready to hit the dating scene again. \n\nAbout 4 or 5 months ago I came across this book: Single "The art of being satisfied, fulfilled, and independent". by Judy Ford  It really opened my eyes as to how I was living my life. It's okay to grieve & find yourself before hitting the dating scene again. I've taken a sabatical from dating & have never been happier. I have more guy friends than I have ever had before & they are teaching me what I really want in a guy.\n\nMaybe you're not ready for the whole dating thing yet, but that shouldn't stop you from getting to know this great guy. It sounds like you two are building a friendship, & friendship is so important when trying to rediscover yourself. Just be totally honest with yourself & do some soul searching ... you'll be surprised by all you don't know about yourself.
29679
That happened to me and it was the end of the relationship.  We met in college, had a long-distance relationship, then together for several months, then she moved 4-5 hours away after getting fired and getting a better job.  She wanted to marry, or at least live together openly, while I knew I couldn't marry her (too neurotic, too much fighting) and tried to hold on to the passionate girlfriend/boyfriend relationship indefinitely.  So it had been a holding pattern for several months, and her moving didn't really change it.  Soon she told me of reciprocal interest with a co-worker, which in retrospect I think was trying to drive me off, but I didn't bite and was actually friendly with the jerk.  Finally she said, "I think we ought to cool it and date other people".  I was in shock, but I remember what came out was, "You mean you want to break up?"  I don't remember what she said but the upshot was I wasn't going to share and she didn't try to work out a sharing arrangement.  Eventually she married the jerk.  I got an invitation to the wedding but I never answered and broke off contact.\n\nSo through the lens of my life experience, the relationship is on its last legs and you're looking for the kill.  I think the more honest and humane approach would be to present an ultimatum to get off of hold or break up, or just leave if you're not committed enough to force that issue.  It may seem cold, but it's better than getting into the jealousy thing with other guys.  I know being left for another man was much harder on me than being left out of general dissatisfaction, and it killed my interest in follow-up friendship (that part might be a blessing).  Someone else's story might have a different moral.\n\nGood luck,\nhouyhnhnm
202456
LEAVE HIM -- you owe it to yourself to find a happier life.  Don't think that you are too old or that you have invested too much time in this relationship.  Don't let him talk down to you or intimidate you into not leaving.  He's the coward and he's trying to take his insecurity out on you.  The transition period won't be easy, but once you are away from him, you will look back and be glad that you ended it.  Better things are in store for you.  Good luck.
674324
i am 22 right now.  Just broke up with the boyfriend, quiting my job and moving to the other side of the state.  Because right now what is important to me, is honstely me.  You need to figure out what you want to do with yourself and the person you want to be, and being young is the best time.  good luck to you
639643
relationships at this age don't last long! Don't make her break up with him. You'll look jealous. Let her enjoy the attention. it won't last forever. It may be annoying, but if you are really her best friend you will support her
654876
i will be honest with you. the best person to go out with is that devil that you know about than this beautiful angel. Now you say you are good friends and i shouls assume this is based from true friendship and understanding. I would bet my money on him unless of course there is something so deficient about this guy which should cause you to back off.\nhowever, at the moment you are not ready and there is nothing as bad as a forced relationship it takes ages to get into gear and thats after some unneccessary qaubbles and these are not needed especially when you have something to loose like a good friendship.\nit would have to take tact and patience on both your parts to make things work here. You presenting your case for him to buy and him understanding you. The greater duty here is with you. Just make him understand afterll you are good friends, that you can't go out now. And don't put it in such a way as to hint to him that in future there may be hope. you are not ready and ready thats the bottom line. However, if you really believe that its an issue of readiness and not that you don't fancy the guy then at least leave the door an inch open and trust me without pointing it to him he will see it. At the time that you know you are ready then you can lead him like a dog on a leash.
620333
Whatever it takes bridge the distance to a point that your relationship stays out of the brinks of doubt, trust or love.  Make plans for periodic visits, and look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to look at the facts of everything because there is no room for things that are made up or do not exist.  They will kill the realationship faster than lighting starts fires.  Be fair, control emotion and set dates to accomplish things that will help to bring you together more quickly and work on them together.  Plan ways to be together and work them as you would any other goals.  It will take the lonliness and waiting out of the time, give you something constructive to do during the absence making the time go by faster or giving both of you shortcuts to bridging the gap or distance.  Use cams and microphoneis on the internet for close times.  Do anything but sit and do nothing as that will create decay and cause you to feel horrible things maybe that don't even exist.  You can get through it if both of you want to and you can make it fun,  use you heads and minds.  Be smart people.
597927
im in a situation just like you ilove my guy to death but i feel isolated but ive been going out with him for 3 years. ive stayed with him by making him want me. i just did simple things like call him and tell him i just wanted to say hi and hear your voice so net i gotta go talk to you later and then i realize (on my ID) that he called me like 3 or 4 times he never leaves a full messge its either hey baby or hi and thats how he keeps me wanting him!\n       good luck!!!!
564705
My advice too you man is too accept that you 2 are finished and move on! go out with friends and do stuff you know? dont listen to any love songs cuz it will remind you of her! dont sob over this too much! yeah 20 months is a hella long time too date and break up like that! but you have to move on and not look back!
45182
i dated one of my really good friends and it only lasted for a couple months and we realized we were much better friends than a couple. we then just became just friends again and we got the questions about dating out of the way. if you are good enough friends its worth a try because something great could come out of it. if it doesnt work out, you need to try and stay friends afterwards which isnt too hard if you are really bestfriends. just respect each others opinios during and possibly after the relationship.
110913
Usually when you get together with your best friend, things seem pretty great. However, on most TV shows, it ends up screwing up in the end and you end up losing an awesome friend. It really depends on how you want the relationship to work- if you want it to be extremely intimate, you'll need to take things slow, but if you want it to be casual, go for it. Just be careful. Don't take things too fast, and just bring it up in normal conversation. Don't be too forward. That'll scare him away. :)
594410
Relationships are always tough. I have found that the way to make them last is to not worry about the longevity. If all we did was focus on when something was going to end, why bother starting? At any rate if you have a good thing going cherish it. If something goes wrong with your mate, try and help them as best you can. Remember some of the best things about being in a relationship are not only sharing good times but having someone there for you in the bad. And if the relationship doesn't work, cherish that, you experienced something, which is better than nothing at all.
507754
Is there such a thing as breaking up with a friend? \nYes! Sometimes it's best to cut a friend loose if his antics are stressing you out more than cheering you up. \n\nEveryone goes through life experiencing relationships. But it is very rare that one of these relationships span an entire lifetime. People have fun together but also, people often break-up for many reasons. These reasons can range from simply growing apart to finding your partner cheating or simply being too different to be together. Break-ups and reasons for them are not meant to scare someone away from relationships. The simple fact is, one should enjoy relationships, but at the same time, identify warning signs so one can see when a break-up is necessary and when things go sour with your guy, you know a breakup is imminent. \n\nIt's hard to do. That's the biggest understatement of all time! Ending a relationship is among the most stressful things a person can undergo and is never easy. It sucks and even less fun than getting rejected is actually having to do the rejecting. Okay, maybe doing the rejecting is a little better. Anyway, if you're thinking about blowing a guy off, here are some ideas on how to give him the brush off that won't break his heart too badly -- or destroy his ego.\n\nYou're not interested. He calls and leaves a message. What should you do? \nDo not return that call. \n\nAnd what if you picked up the phone? What then? \nThen, "lie". Please lie. Tell him that you just got back together with your friends. This is our very first choice for rejection. Second best is you realized that you are going through a period where you do not want to date at all and just want to focus on yourself. Sure, these excuses might be transparent -- but men feel better to live a lie than face the truth of rejection.\n\nAnother possibility, though not quite as good due to possible ambiguity,  is the good old "distancing technique". You tell him you are really busy for the next couple of weeks and will call him when things get less crazy -- a bit confusing for most men, but definitely effective and not too painful.\n\nYou really gave it a chance, but it's not happening. What should you do? \nAgain, lie. Your friends are still your best bet. Do not tell him you met someone else recently. That smarts. Choosing someone you just met tells him he lost a contest. No one likes to lose. \n\nAnother option - "Honesty" within reason. If it's simply a matter of chemistry -- or lack thereof - tell him. Most guys can survive that after just a few dates. As much as it's going to hurt, tell him the truth. At this point, honest communication is the right thing to do.  Be gentle, but do not be too vague. Just give it to him straight and say that you're really sorry. \n\n1. Don't be too specific if it's for  reasons no human should ever hear: You smell, you are not good-looking enough, you are boring, you're an idiot -- please refrain from using these (unless you're breaking up with him because he sucked in bed, in which case you better lie.) \n\n2.  Don't try to be "friends" once it's over. That just drags out the inevitable; it gives him hope that you might change your mind. \n\n3. Don't have sex with him the night you break up with him or later when he crawls back begging for you to take him back. \n\n4. Insist on NO contact. Breaking off for good is always better for both and less stressful.\n\nObviously, this all can vary depending on your circumstances and your relationships. \n\nJust remember: Be Gentle, Lying can be good for the male ego and less hurting and Specificity, well, it can sometimes be too specific its better to be Ambiguous. \nGood Luck>r
264958
Allow her to live and learn. As hard as it may be for you to see your best friend in a relationship with a guy of whom has happened to break a lot of girls hearts, you need to accept her decision of being in this relationship. We all want to protect our friends or anyone that we care about, from being in hurtful situations but we can’t always protect them. There are times as painful as it may be, that we have to allow them to make mistakes, to go into a situation head-first and simply be there for them to pick up the pieces, if and when it ends badly. As Octavia Butler once said, “Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny, and a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over”.