My son has always been a phenomenally endearing child. Loving, bright, free spirited and confident.  He's my heart and soul and came out all on his own 9 months ago. I have zero prejudices and love/support my son (he wants to be a fashion designer, songwriter and ballet dancer).  He is very open with his likes and dislikes and the other children are starting to harass him...For the most part he's so loving most of their stupid remarks and actions go right over his head.  But when they don't...I can see (and feel) his pain and confusion.  Then on the other hand his father is old school, Italian Catholic, Ex-super Jock. Says he can live with it but can't accept it.  You can imagine my frustration.
213237
I think it's very sad that other kids are being cruel to your son, and I'm also disappointed and concerned that his father is unable to accept his son's orientation. On the other hand, I'm very happy to hear that your son has a supporting and understanding mother like yourself. He's going to need your support, and it sounds like you will be there to give it to him. \n\nI know, and I imagine a lot of us know, how it feels to be harrased in school because of being different than others. I didn't deal with it very well - I internalized everything, and I was too humiliated to tell my family what kids would call me in school. I wish I had had a supportive parent that understood how I felt, even if it was only one parent that understood, and not the other.\n\nI'm sure your child will be very successful and happy in the future - this is just going to be a rough time (possibly). Getting him into support groups for gay youth as soon as possible would probably be a great idea. When I was about 22 I started going to a support group, and I finally realized that what I am is completely and totally okay. \n\nI'm rooting for your son, and I hope he gets to grow up feeling good about himself! It will make such a difference in his life if he knows that, no matter what anyone says, he's awesome and valuable. As for your husband, what about family counseling with a gay friendly counselor? If not that, how about a conversation between you and your husband about setting new, realistic expectations for his son. He may not get the macho guy that he was hoping for, but if your husband can find the strength in himself (and this takes a real man) to be proud of and support his gay son, he will have done what so many men can't. He could also save himself a lot of hurt and disappointment down the road.\n\nHere's hoping for happiness, love and compassion for all of you!
495044
I am a strong supporter of tough love but it doesn't seem that your husband would agree with this approach.  You do not state the child's age so it is kind of hard but it sounds like he is in junior school by his actions.  If there is a mentorship program in your area perhaps you can set up one for this boy.  I work with youth in conflict with the law and have seen many of them make remarkable turnarounds after they have reached the age of 18.  As far as you and your husband getting on the same page - this is very important not only for you both but for the child also as he can sense the tensions and differences in your styles.  Sports also sometimes help kids to release some of their pent up energy and if possible you can set him up in one that he is interested in.  Best of luck.
433805
I am 33 and female. If my child were gay I would accept it . It is what is on the inside that counts. I would rather my son be gay and a loving human being, than straight and a jerk. Think about it this way. If anyone one loves their child, truly loves them, than you can accept them no matter what their lifestyle choice. If someone would say that they would not love their child anymore, than they never really had true love for them in the first place. I do have a son, so this is coming from a Mothers perspective. Understanding, trust, and Love are truly the most important things
294714
I totally love it!  Oh my gosh, I feel like it's me up there.  And when they turn down a large offer, I nearly lose it.  Yes, he had to be so gay.  I'm sure that was his boyfriend with his mother and brother.  I loved him though.  He was too funny.
311785
You seem to be in a tough spot - not only do you have to worry about your son, but about your other children as well, because they are certainly watching how you respond to this problem.  Try taking a look at this website - http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html as this organization has helped many, many parents deal with issues such as yours.  Please make sure that your first priority is the safety of the rest of your family - and good luck to you all.
348177
Well, I'm not against it but my parents are.  When my brother finally came out of the closet, that did nothing to change their minds.  They were furious and my father told him he was sick in the head.  He was 19 at the time and had to move out of our home because my parents were being really horrible to him.  My Mom even 'disowned' him as a son at the time.  \n\nThey lost touch with him for a good 10 years.  My sister and I still kept in touch with him though.  It wasn't until recently that they are back in touch with him.  I guess they have somewhat accepted that he is gay but it is not discussed when they are around.  It still hurts him to this day and them reacting the way they did has messed him up a bit.  He knows he has the support of both my sister and I but sometimes I feel really bad for him not having the support of my parents.  Even though we are all adults now, it makes it no less hard to not have the approval of one's parents.  It's unfortunate because it's not like getting angry at your child and disowning them is going to make them any less gay.
60721
It is unfortunate that the majority of people in this country are still so scared of the possibility of gays living equal among them. Why else place such a ridiculous ban? Some will say that children raised by gay parents will have it a lot harder. I disagree. I am amazed at how open and honest the youth in todays schools are. The only ones I know of that are homophobic have learned the behavior and language from their parents. If the youth of today can accept each other, why can't the adults? Fear. My partner and I just placed a question on here about how to adopt. the answers ranged form "Yuck" to 'How dare we drag a child into our fantasy?" These answers just mirror the fear and ignorance of the majority of Americans. Gays are accepted as long as we are funny, and the life of the party, but as soon as we stop acting like the characters on a sit-com we become a threat. The ban doesn't surprise me. the real question here is what to do about? How do accepting, open minded, loving people fight against such fear?
4243
Ms. Lacey, first of all, congratulations on bringing your baby into the world.  I'm sure he's a beautiful, strong boy.\n\nAt the same time, if his father left you because of the stretchmarks you got carrying his (his too) son, I'm sorry...he doesn't deserve you or your son.  \n\nThose marks have never bothered me in the least.  I know for a fact that they are noticed more by the new moms then they are by the dads, or men in general.\n\nI sure hope it wasn't because of a few hardly noticeable marks...that's so uncool...and, I'm sorry, Ms. Lacey, un-manly.
326764
Hi,\n\nFirst off, i've not got a 30ish son...but am a woman, my boys only a yr old.  :)\n\nI'd like to say all the usual..i'll support my son no matter what...if he feels like he should be a woman, then so be it. Or i often ask myself what i'd say to him if he told me he was gay one day.\n\nI'm not going to lie, i would be disappointed, but more for the fact of what society would treat him like than anything else. I wouldn't want my child to suffer.\n\nYour mother is from a different generation, she is bound to react differently to say what i will in 30 years time.\nIf you are her only son..then ofcourse she would love to see you married and have had children.\n\nBut, at the end of the day..she's your mother and loves you no matter what. She may be against it now, but it sounds like shes warming up to the idea.
410659
I didn't necessarily have my children later in life, but honey, we had the same issue with our oldest son.  We have five, one girl, already in college and four boys.  All the other children are tiny, but my oldest son inherited the genes from my father's side of the family.  Which means he'll have a thicker build and be extremely tall (My brother is 6'4", cousins as tall as 6'7")  My son is only 15 and he's already 6'0" and 195 lbs.  Because the kids started teasing him at an early age, he developed this shyness about him and just didn't want to socialize with anyone.  Which meant, he didn't want to go into sports or any other activities, much less school.  THis was his first year in high school and over the summer, we had to force him to join something (we did it with all our children...our logic was get into something before you get into trouble) and he chose a summer football program.  He hated it at first because he didn't know anyone and was rather shy.  But within that first week, he had a ton of friends.  Because of his size, the coaches loved him, as did the quarterback in which he protected.  It's as if I have a different child.  All of a sudden, he became outgoing, the girls started calling and football is his life.  Before I knew it, he was begging to sign up for football when school started.  He already knew most of the kids from the summer program and because of his size, he knew he'd fair pretty well.  And as it was, he did.  He now loves school.  I can barely keep him home and for once...he's truly happy.  I felt horrible when this all started, so I feel your pain, but sometimes parents have to look outside the box, set our emotions aside and think about this logically.  If your son is tall, try signing him up for a basketball camp in your local area.  If anything, at least he'll meet other kids his own size who have the same issues...and  maybe it'll carry over.  The idea is to get him out there and sometimes that takes a little shove.  I know he's your baby and as a parent it's hard to do...but you have to ask yourself...what's harder?  Watching him so upset and depressed...or watching him smile while he relates with others that have gone through the same thing as him?  And if he's not sports enthused...find something else honey.  Kids today have so many options available to them.  But it is IMPERATIVE that you find something for him, and I do mean that.  Being a teenager is hard enough.  Being a teenager with no friends is suicidal.  I don't want to scare you, but not ony am I a mom...I'm a social worker and I see it alot.  It's the little things that make a difference to them and although I know you want to make him happy, he needs to find some happiness in himself too!\n\nI wish you luck!
278112
Mannnn  if I ever find out that my kid is Gay, I will slap him so hard up & down the street .......... !!!! ((( What i'm trying to say is that I will SLAP THE GAY OUT OF HIM !!! )))
575811
"The Gay Agenda" ? Have not read it nor have I ever seen it...interesting though. However, I am Gay and have been with my Partner, registered as we live in California,  for 10 years. Our agenda is to raise our 9 year old son, who is, by the way,  an honor student for all of you right wing crackpots out there,  and be a happy family. We work, do laundry, homework, take vacations, cleanhouse, spend time with Grandmas, Grandpas, cousins, Aunts and Uncles...not really exciting as far as an "agenda" goes. I'd say it's pretty much the same agenda a heterosexual family would have...I was raised in one you know.
321870
I think the coaches were out of line.  They thought they were motivating him, when actually they were tearing him down.  Not all children/people respond well when they are being yelled at all, not very constructive.  Their actions could cause the opposite affect they desire.  Rather than motivate, they chase them away from the sport.  There is a fine line, especially with children playing sports.  You know your little guy and what makes him respond.  If I were you I would talk with all the coaches.  Explain that you didn't raise your child with verbal assaults.  Tell them that you are concerned that they will push him away from the sport rather than help.  Let them know that you don't expect for your child to babied but nurtured.  Suggest taking him out of the game the next time he messes up, rather than verbally embarassing him.  If your son really wants to play he will do the best he can to continue playing.  Another thought would be to get the opinions of other players parents, if they agree, try as a group to discuss this with the coaches.  The only reason I suggest this is if the coaches are jerks your son could pay for your chat with the coaches.  He could be teased and degraded as being a momma's boy when your not around.  Don't act offended of the situation but as a concerned parent who wants her child to excel in the sport.    Being a sports freak myself, I feel that these days people are going overboard when it comes to sports.
637323
Well, dear, I'm the mother of 5 kids, only one is a girl, so I do know what you mean! One of the boys is now 20 and another is almost 12. The 12 yr. old behaves the way you asked about. And the now 20 yr. old did the same thing when he was that age.  My thoughts are that they act that way, cuz they aren't as mature as girls the same age are. And for some reason, they think they are cool when they act like that. Don't worry too much about it, they will mature to your level in the next few years, just ignore their crazy behavior. I think they do it for attention of both girls and the other boys their age. I always found that killing with kindness seems to be the best way of revenge... if they truly don't like you, it will drive them crazy that you're nice to them and they will eventually leave you alone.  And if they do like you and you're nice to them, you'll find out that they will listen to you and not act like an idiot when they are around you.
324349
i think my dad is great.  he has the unconditional love thing down.  he sacrificed to give his kids all he could, and went without many times.  i almost lost him 4 years ago, and all i have to say i do as much and as often as i can.  mostly i say thank you and i love you!
360981
he is not a ladies man. he is even better A GENTLEMEN. he may out grow this depending on who his friends are as he gets older. they will help influence how he turns out. but he will always be good to his older sister and family though. nice job raising your son. good luck.
216100
I have no doubt that you have been trying to instill values of the clean nature in him for a long time. Here he is almost 18 and has yet to adapt. Soooo, I am relatively sure you are asking for help, but not expecting any miracles. You know that you have probably already exhausted every avenue that any one of us might tell you. I have sons also, and when you describe your son its as if you were talking about one of my boys. I have no solution for you,... I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this aspect. There is one thing you can "teach yourself" though that might eliminate some of your frustration about him. Don't take it personnel when he does this! Save your energy. Choose your battles! Keep instilling the lesson of what he needs to know, but don't worry about him not doing it. Try a role change with him on occasions,... when he needs you to do something, tell him "just a minute", or "I will get on that soon", or "I meant to do that, but forgot", ...throw his lines back at him and watch him get frustrated. Its good clean amusement for you, I promise!  My boys, and I am sure your son, too, are 'good' people, and yes, lazy people. But as long as he is staying out of real trouble, you really have no problems compared to some Moms out there. They do grow up, and when you go to their homes in the future, he will make you proud. I know!!! You are me, 14 years ago. Hang in there, its going to be alllllright!