my mom isnt really happy that im dating a black guy when im white & thinks i should date sum1 white & from the skool i got to. HELP!!!
218432
Maybe your mom just isnt comfortable with you dating a black guy. She could possibly have issues that go deeper than you think. You should talk to her about it. Im black and im dating a white guy. My parents love him. There is an on-going stereotype that is felt about black men. If your b/f is truely a good guy you should try to point this out to your mother. Tell her that he may be black but he's not doing what a lot of other guys like him are. That should work.
388295
First off your mother was more than likely over exaggerating, she wont make you wait that long. Second if she is serious reason with her because if she doesn't let you date with her knowing you'll just rebel and sneak out like most teenage girls that think they know all there is to know about the world. Tell her you think 16 is a good age and you should be able to agree. But remember your her Daughter!! If you were her son it would be another ball game being that girls can be easily talked into things by boys. Plus your only 13, what kind of date could you possibly go on that doesn't involve a PG13 movie and Chuckie Cheese? lol But remember try to compromise with her, maybe she doesn't want you to make the same mistakes she made. Mothers know best(a majority of the time).
260528
I have the same problem with my family.  It got to the point where I wasn't even talking to my own mother.  You need to tell them that this is what makes YOU happy.  Maybe you can slowly start bringing him around (for dinners, b-days, etc).  This will show them what type of guy he is.  Most importantly, they need to see that he is a real person, not just a "black male."  Have him send your mom flowers or something-- just to show her how sweet he can be.  Don't sacrifice your love for their ignorance.  Good luck!
880
i'll tell you what, you want a straight up answer? i'll give you one! all PC crap aside. i have been all over this planet and seen some pretty awesome things and dated some very foreign women. in the end i have learned that there is two things that make this a little more difficult than dating some one of your own class and ethniticity. 1) parents- they make life difficult on every level of this because they are usually stuck in a oneminded track of how things ought to be. usualy because thats how they were brought up. but even thats a poor excuse for their offten tired and outdated principles. most times they just have a cankering of racial bigotry in their heads just like everyone else. they usually make things twice as difficult on their dughter/son as what things already are and in the end the child will usually claim allegiance to them and their wishes. it snot fair and you cant really do much about it. this is usually the biggest reason for "intermixed" relationships to fail. 2) each other- you to individuals are in most cases born of two completely different worlds. in each of these worlds there are certain rules and traditions that are generally expected to be followed without question (parents usually play a role in this also). often times you two individuals get these rules and traditions crossed or confused and guess what? problems occur! whats worse, is mosot times you blame eachother for not understanding the other or you tell eachother that the other refuses to listen or learn. the fact is, both times it all depends on the want or need to make it work. it can and often times does work out, but not without a whole lot of headache and elbow grease. you want to take this person on, good, but make damn well sure they want to take you on. there is a such thing as "slumming it", and you will find people out there that know they are going to end up with a person of their own race and class but are interested in playing with something a little differernt for a while. more often than not, and dont take this personal, but it is usually the female that gets this idea. guys dont usually particulary care too much about and too tell you the truth, the most bigoted and hard headed people i have ever met were mothers. they can play hell on their children if they dont approve of them spending their lives with some white boy, or this black girl of yours, blah,blah,blah..its hard man, you just got to have a pair and go for it in the end if its what you want. sometimes you cant control the outcome, but you can work to make the outcome better than it would be if you just left it for what it is on ts own. thats the truth in it from how i see things. everybody is different, thats how i look at things too. nothing ever exactly works out too plan. there wil always be a glitch or hitch somewhere, just make it work for you and your other instead of getting stuck on it. if your in that relationship than you should both know that it isnt interracial, its interpersonal. you two, together, or you two falling apart. thats the best i can explain it to you.
371448
I hurt with you. A lot of things should not be an issue, but they are in family situations. All four of our children are from different races than my wife and I. It took one side some time to get used to the idea and relearn what racism smells like.\nOur two oldest sons are Asian married/relating to white women. A little brag - the women's parents think our sons are such great material, they are thrilled. Thus:\nLesson 1: Only bring quality material home to mother. The girl will know how to handle her by praising and showing interest in your heritage.\nLesson 2: Show your own interest in your heritage so your mother will know her "life" will not be forgotten.\nLesson 3: This is neither new nor unique to you. Latino's and blacks, previously Roman Catholics and anyone else, my good Irish stock w/ English, in dating it was my lower middle class vs. upper class. Hang in there. You are helping make a new world.\nAt last.
637108
Perhaps you could ask her indirectly. Carefully crafted words are the key here to achieving your desired goal.....having a boyfriend. Okay, step 1) find a time when you and your mother are relaxing, no phones, dinner is finished, house is clean. 2) Begin the conversation like this: "You know Mom, I am now ___ years old, and I was wondering if you would allow me to go to the movies with _____________. I know you have not had an opportunity to meet ________, but I can invite him by the house on _________. He is a really nice guy. Now, if you do not have a boyfriend, and no prospects, then I would suggest that you address your mother in this manner: Mom, I have really matured over the last year and I would like to respectfully request permission from you to go on a date occassionally with a carefully selected boy that I will bring home first for you to meet.  Don't be shy about it. Be assertive, without being pushy. Tell her what your heart desires, and do it in a kind, courteous, confident and mature manner. The way you approach this request to have a boyfriend is important. You have to let your mother know that you are ready for this big step in your young teenage life. \nNow, be honest in your evaluation of yourself here okay? Think! Really think here! And answer my question truthfully! Question: Have you been on your best behavior over the last year? Have you done everything that has been asked of you by your mother? Have you gotten into any serious trouble lately? Did you make good grades and behave appropriately in school? These questions are important, because if you have been cutting up and acting like a trifling little hoochie mama, it is highly likely that your mother will say no. But if you have been a perfect angel, and behaved appropriately over the last year, then I dont see any reason that your mother will not agree to your terms. Also, let her know that any boy you meet, you will bring them home to meet her, and your curfew is 9p.m. weeknights and 10:30 on weekends. Or, if your curfew is later than this, use your current curfew. Well, I hope this helps. Best wishes to you. And have fun.
357669
Did you ever stop to think that your parents do think you are responsible and trustworthy, and that their reason for not wanting you to date is because they don't trust who you may end up dating? Maybe ask them about that?  Discuss options like taking a self defense class, prove to them that you can fend for your self and protect yourself if they are not there. Maybe becoming open with them and discussing dating... what you expect to happen when you date, what they expect... run through scenerios that you may find yourself in.... Find out their fears and concerns for you and work together with them on what you would do if you were in situations that they are concerned about.
204994
My parents did the same thing to me, and are currently doing it to my 16 year old sister. What I did that upset them the most, was to ignore it and show them that I did not care. My sister chooses to "strongly" object. I dated many a guys my parents disapproved of for every reason under the sun. My best advice is, If you do not want them to know about certain things, then don't leave "evidence" laying about. Keep in mind though, parents are not perfect, and they only want what they believe is best for you.
46555
Tell your parents that you think they should get to know him. \n\nIs he willing to go through some uncomfortable meetings for you?  If he loves you, he should. \n\nOnce your parents realize that he loves you and is good to you and is not going to be a negative influence in your life (gosh, do they think he is some gangbanger or all black people are criminals- come on!) they should work toward accepting him.  Try to find out why they feel this way.  \n\nTry to do this the right way- by being honest with your parents.  I can't imagine what you're going through, and you need to understand that they may NEVER come around.  \n\nGood luck, honey!
604981
he needs to get his act together.if he is gunna have anything to do with your mom he needs to get a good job,get a house,get a car,and just clean up!you should tell him and your mom that he needs to get all together.if he was dating my mom i wouldn't leave anything out.id tell him to get cleaned up and he shoudnt have anything to do with my mother if he cant!
143332
well hon I'd say mom is just a bit leery of her little boy dating someone. Most moms are not gonna be overly excited about the prospects of their baby dating seriously.  Try a couple of different things, find out what she is really interested in and try to conversate with her about these things, show an interest in her and not just her son and maybe she will take to you on that point. And finally dress conservatively, if she gets the wrong impression of you by the way you dress then she's not likely to accept you at all.  You could also try talking to her about it, see what her comfort levels are, my MIL is really quiet by nature so it's not me necessarily it's just she isn't comfy talking period.
675992
i date outside of my "race" all the time...in fact, most of the time i do. i don't let racism stop me at all nor do i care what my family thinks. besides, as far as i'm concerned...there's only one race and that's the human race.
598503
show them that he is a good person and how well he treats you, thats really all you can do, maybe if they see those sides to him they will lessen up on the issue alittle bit and not judge him by the color of his skin, but by his character and as an individual, if not then remember that you will always love your parents and will want them to accept whatever life choices you make, but they wont always like what you choose and it is afterall your life and you and you alone have to account for your own happiness....*good luck*
377564
You're probably gonna have to bare with being male until adulthood. I sincerely doubt your mom will be accepting. It's not fair but it's true. Then again I don't know your mom, she may be more accepting than I think mine would be, if you must tell her then try to get her on her own and make sure she knows how  important it is to you.
664388
It is definitely not a racial crime. You need to get your mom to explain herself: why does she think your a traitor? what is so bad about it. If she disagrees with your choice you may have to tell you agree to disagree about the subject and tell her that you expect her to respect your life choice and show your girl respect. Perhaps she will warm up to your choice and you can change one ignorant persons point of view.
22900
why doesnt your mom like this guy and his family? most likely she looking out for you. i know its how to see or understand that at time but its true. i had dated this one person once and my mom did like her b/c she was bi and she said keep on talk about how it couldnt work out b/c she woould want somting that i couldnt give her...while to make a long story short she was right. you family are always going to protect you from getting hurt by others.
158047
Please don't mis-interpret this answer, I am not being a homophobe or anything!! To be honest, I think from your boyfriends parents point of view, your sexuality will over-ride any issues of race. For example, if they are fairly close minded and prejudiced, then they won't accept you on the grounds that you are gay, your race won't come into it. Similarly, if they do welcome you, this means that are open-minded people who won't have an issue with your race since they didn't have a problem with your sexuality. So in short, no I dont think it is harder for non-caucasions, but I imagine it is equally hard for all gay men