You earn 3 times than your spouse, you acquire a loan but all he wants is to use the very last pen and blows off his salary only God knows how. What is his problem? And how can it be solved so I can save money?
211482
HAving a spouse who is more successful threatens their masculinity. A lot of men feel that they  should be the provider and if the wife is earning more this can make them feel like they're a failure.  Sounds like your husband may be feeling resentful of your income and success and is trying to sabotage that - you need to have a long honest talk with him, maybe draw up a budget and set some ground rules on spending.
556177
What if your husband could put some more hours in to support you while you attended school? Also, you mentioned on another page you work with credit, so I'm sure you could find ways to obtain a loan during that time. Final option: downsize. Too many people voluntarily join the "rat race" with their monthly payments on a nice car, nice house, and other items that aren't necessary.
385520
I am married to a man like this.  They live in a dream world.  Because they don't take responsibility for themselves they remain happy-go-lucky kids, which unfortunately gives them a certain charm.\n\nSit down with him.  Show him the bills.  Show him your paycheck.  Tell him you are struggling- which as a single mother I am sure you are.  Ask him for his help.  Then see if he steps up to the plate.\n\nYou don't need to give him any ultimatums.  But in your own mind you might say something like- if he doesn't have a job by the new year- he's out.  Then follow through.  When that time comes remind him of the conversation you had about the bills, of his promises if he made any- and he probably will, and tell him you love him but that you cannot afford another child right now.  You might tell him that if he gets and holds a job for at least 6 months you'll talk to him again.\n\nYou need to think about the example you are setting your children.  If they are girls you don't want them to wind up supporting some guy.  If they are boys you don't want them to think they can find a woman with a big heart and a full wallet.\n\nBe strong.  Be firm.  And tell me how to take my own advice.
412866
Stop helping him out financially. Financial help is something that you should dedicate to a husband, not someone as transient in your life as just a boyfriend. Save your money and your dedication for someone who is worthy of it! Have a good, happy life, sweetie!
500448
You sound like me and my fiancee. We are paying off all our bills before we get a house. We are going to get a house and stuff before we get married. We figure maybe that will help out some with the stress of marriage if we already have some things in order. He also wants to provide me with a house and stability before marriage. I don't have any problem with it, I would rather have all these things in the beginning instead of having to worry about it afterwards. I wish yall all the luck.
310986
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
477350
This is a toxic, dysfunctional relationship.  I'm sorry but you'd both be better off without each other.  This reminds me so much of my first husband, who was passive-aggressively hostile like this.\n\nI don't know all the dynamics of your relationship, but there are power struggles going on.  You withhold sex, so he withholds money.  Both suffer.  Both lose out.  Both feel deprived, and rightly so.  You are both cutting off your noses to spite your faces.\n\nI'd say have a heart to heart with him and name the behavior.  Tell him how it makes you feel, without blaming.  Say something like, "When you don't give me money when I ask for it, I feel hurt because it seems like you don't want to help me.  It makes me feel panicked that I'm not going to be able to pay my bills on time.  Is this true?  Is there anything that's bothering you?"  Then watch his expressions, and listen to what he says and doesn't say.\n\nThere should be an apology forthcoming -- from both of you to each other.  And then you should watch him to see that he keeps his promise to give you the money when he says he will.  If he doesn't, then I would suspect passive-aggressive hostility, or some neurosis/insecurity about money.  Either way, these are his problems, and they're getting in the way of your having a good relationship.  I'd suggest that if, after the talk, he slips back into old behaviors that you re-evaluate.\n\nGood luck.  You need to talk to each other, clear the air, and stop withholding from each other, because this only creates resentment, anger and hostility.\n\nHope this helps.  Cheers, K
213251
and two became one, yep.  you inherit the wealth, unfortunately, except you will still have 2 individual credit scores.  i was in the same situation, it was hard getting our house cause he made more money but had the credit problem, but as long as everything is paid to date, and the credit bureaus have been updated most places will look at that and take it into to consideration, you should be ok.  if he still has bad credit and outstanding bills, try to pay them off and close them yourself, it looks alot better than if they close them for you.  and even if you couldnt pay them off, sometimes calling them, they will make a settlement amount and you could be better off then if they take it to a collection agency, ive been through this, im soooooo glad thats over.  i bet you werent to happy with him about this, just try not to yell at him about it, he probably already feels bad enough, just work with him, and you be in charge of the finances.  good luck.
331068
Selling what?!? Anyhow he's working and not having fun. Respect the fact that he's earning money. Would you rather date someone who needs to borrow money? Just accept it but make sure there is a couple times a week that is just for the 2 of you. Tell him how you feel and you'd appreciate if he set aside uninterupted times for you. Good luck
574628
You need to talk to a lawyer.  State laws vary a lot and there is no standard rule that applies anywhere.   A lot of men these days offer up a cash settlement.  That gives the wife an opportunity to reestablish herself.\n\nNote that in community property states, she's also entitled to have your retirement savings.  Some tips that may help.\n\nTry putting aside the anger and actually talking to her.  What does she hope to accomplish?  Maybe she is planning to work more or maybe she's happy with a modest lifestyle and doesn't expect much.  Maybe she's too independent to take money from you.   Don't make assumptions, ask first and find out what you're dealing with.\n\nBe fair in the property settlement.  That will make her a lot more agreeable.   \n\nIn California, spousal support typically continues for half the number of years of the marriage but this may or may not be true in your state.\n\nThere are websites, and books that can provide formula calculators, but you still can't be sure of an amount until you either have a court order or can reach a mutual agreement.
347352
This unfortunately is just life. Do not loan anyone money or housing or food or anything else that you can't afford to lose, because you will be disappointed this way. Next time you get into a deal like this, have the other party sign an agreement (at least you will have it in writing). That won't get you paid, but it will make it easier to pursue should you choose. You will find that it is best to avoid these situations entirely. \nNow, that said, you could send him a bill (do this on your computer - make it neat, and then print him a copy). Mail it to him and be specific what the charges are for (dates of the stay, etc). Give him a phone number to call to discuss it. Mail by registered mail requiring an acceptance signature. If he does not respond by phone, send another letter the next month (same rules). He may just get tired of it and pay up. If he doesn't pay up, you will have a little documentation to rest charges on. I don't know how much we are talking about here, but it may be better to just chalk it up to experience, and be smarter next time. I have had to do that a few times as lessons learned. Good luck with your problem - hey, at least you don't still have the moocher living with you.
243770
yeah it is but you always have the option of splitting assets. or get your money right and offer her a lump sum all at one time. buy the greedy b*#@$ out of your life.even if she raised the kids and worked when you split it's time to hold your own and move on.women lokk at this and learn have a career of your own. being a housewife is not a damn career. washing your husbands feet will not get you paid when he divorces your ass
507978
You are right - It's not your debt - So don't pay it off\nand if he is acting different toward you now then hes not worth having, sounds to me he just wanted your money.\nIf you do get married to him tell him until HIS debt is payed off you will pay 1/2 the bills for YOUR home only and he can pay extra on his debt.\nBut keep putting money up for your retirement.\n\nOh just don't marry him till he has payed it off by his self
85469
He doesn't want to be forced to pay alimony. Get yourself an attorney, don't listen to hubby.  He knows exactly what he'll have to fork up.  ALOT        What a creep.   And don't believe anything he tells you, it will be all bull.
284189
The one thing that worked for my husband was to SEE our budget and understand that, when his check went into the bank, I had already divided it up between the bills needing to be paid and the other stuff we needed/wanted to do (like saving for a vacation).  He has a 'blow fund' (in the budget) and I NEVER ask him about what he uses it for UNLESS he comes asking for more.\n\nWe have a 'budget meeting every time he gets paid, before I pay bills, so he can see where the money is going and IF there's anything left over.\n\nFinancial Peace University was a GREAT class for us to take together to help work-out and understand our financial differences and start seeing eye-to-eye.  Check it out at the site below.  Ramsey also has a book called Financial Peace.
446536
each state is different, but if he is making a lot more money than you spousal maintenance should be awarded for a period of time...you get half of all assets and half of all bills in most states and if you have been married over a certain number of years you are entitled to half of his retirement...an attorney would need to go into more detail with the exact laws of your state.
580673
first off, be honest with him. the more you keep trying to hide this from your husband, the more excuses and trails you'll have to cover. however you paid for the bills they will leave a paper trail somewhere and if this keeps up, eventually your husband will follow that trail and then you'll have to answer for the shady activity. Since you only used it to pay for essentials like food and gas, then it shouldn't be that big a concern. whatever the outstanding bills were then that might produce a problem. Trust me, just suck it up and let him know about the bills and such and just deal with it then. Better now than several months down the road and you slip up on how you spent x amount of dollars on something. Just suck it up and ride it out. the longer the paper trail you leave the hotter the flame will be when it catches up to you.