We have been married for nearly 10 yrs. But we have never sat down to discuss the financial budget for the month/year. Should a couple discuss this every month?
215859
If you're happily married for 10 years without sitting down to discuss finances, you should be ANSWERING the questions. \n\nIf you can manage to keep your finances straight without having a big discussions and occasional resentment, than you should share your secrets with the rest of us hapless strugglers.
335815
I would most definitely recommend opening a "secret" account. Not only for a trip or rainy day, but just in case something happens...in case you or your spouse can't work, if your spouse is not good at money management, or in the worst case, if your marriage doesn't work out. No matter how much one loves another, one should always look out for themselves first!
403533
It's pretty much up to the individual.  Back in the day (decades ago) every thing was paid for so when you got paid you had nothing to spend it on.  If you were wise you saved it, otherwise they would go on spending sprees which usually involved booze and other unmentionables.  If the individual is married it's no different than being married to someone in the military as far as the time apart is concerned.
608000
if you are serious about it, I think one year together is enough to have a straight talk about expenses.\nyou can tell her that other things (with her) are becoming more important than throwing away money in expensive restaurants.\nyou probably should have brought it up sooner because she now has the idea that you can afford a certain lifestyle.
306456
Been there done that...whats up with the 23rd year...Its alot of years, you'll never forget the past, my marriage was great the first 20 years, but I could see the dis-interest building as the months after pasted by...and she too felt she was no longer in love with me, however I later found out her interests were directed toward another...suggestions..Seek marriage council advice, put forth a 100% effort to resolve such conflict, and if it doesn't turn out happily ever after, if there ever was an ideal time to be single , its with a good job, no mortgage and your child a grown adult...very simular to my situation...its was 2 yrs separated and 3 years since divorce and those conditions were blessings in disguise.
392640
I agree with what several answerers commented: make mommy-in-law pay 1/3 of the mortgage and bills if everything is supposed to be equal. If she were on her own she would be responsible for 100% of her own expenses - therefore this is a great set-up for her. \n\nHe sounds very selfish and/or uneducated. If his mother isn't insisting on covering a portion of the expenses (medications, groceries, rent, utilities, etc.) she is nothing but a leach. He may be a predator and his mommy dearest may be his partner in crime. If I were to try to bring my mother to live with me she would absolutely refuse unless I agreed to let her handle some of the expenses. My dad is the same way - he carries his own weight and would want to make sure he did his part. It's all in how you are brought up, dear. I would never feel comfortable in a situation like yours - his mother is a bigger priority than you are. I'm not sure how old she is but if she is drawing social security, a pension, public assistance, or whatever she could still have a life of her own, unless she is an invalid or has debilatating health problems. She could move in with a widowed friend and have someone her own age to converse with and do things with.\n\nThe only time I ever paid a portion of the house payment was when I made more than my husband did. We sat down, made a budget, and figured out where monies were to be allocated. I was the saver and he was a spender so I kept a separate savings account that I had money automatically deducted out of my check for. If we needed to draw on that money for emergencies or special expenses we did so only after discussing it. It was never a control thing - it was just a smart thing to do in this day and age. We both agreed that it was smart for me to have my own account (we also had a joint account) once he started earning more than I did, just in case something were ever to happen to him. I also built up credit in my own name - it's just an intelligent thing to do in case anything were to happen to him and I was on my own.\n\nAnother point to ponder in your relationship (you may want to bring this up now before you have a mortgage payment) is what happens if you decide to get (or accidently become) pregnant? What if, for some unforeseen reason, you are unable to work? What about child care expenses, etc.? Kids aren't cheap. Is he going to be able to handle all of your joint expenses alone, if need be? When my husband wanted me to quit my job after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we agreed that he would pay for 100% of everything for several months while my checks went into savings, just to make sure we could make it on just 1 paycheck.\n\nThere are always options - you just have to consider them.
82791
I agree, it's probably not the most logical place to ask "is it a good time to get married"... only YOU can answer that.  well, you and your boyfriend.\n\nYou are on the right tracking thinking about finances and feelings.  Continue to discuss things with your boyfriend.  Where will you live?  Does he have a stable job?  Does he have or want children? Do you?  When?  Who will care for them?  How will you raise them?  Discuss reglion.  How will this come into play with children.  Have your families met?  Do you have the same goals and values?\n\nMarriage is awesome!  It's important to really think about it and plan for it.  So while I may have teased you a little for asking "should I think about marriage"- I think it's good you ARE thinking and planning.  Go with the flow and let things happen naturally.  If it's the right time to get married/engaged, you and your boyfriend will know it.  In the mean time, start talking about goals and longer term plans with him.
665929
Do what's best for your kids first and what meets your financial needs. Follow your heart with respect to the rest of it and see how things work out. Sounds like you have an amicable understanding of each other so who knows, this could be a good thing more than you realize.
222520
Content marriage for 15yrs. We both do all we can to please the other on a daily basis. Income has less than nothing to do with it if you and your partner are non-materialistic.
86166
Don't worry...this is very common. The best thing that you guys can do is to get together and come to agreements about your finances and stick to a budget...that way, if/when either one of you buy something outside the budget...you get called out. Also, it is best to sit down and just have a heart to heart on all of the frustrations that you are both going through...the worst thing that you can do is to sweep it under the rug and let it build up! Also, make a pact to only talk about things in a calm manner and do it all in one session instead of doing it everyday(a peaceful home is a happy one). Also, remember that you are adjusting to each other and that you are both going to find things that annoy you about the other person...but, also look at the positive things and especially the positive things that you have noticed since you have been married!
379809
Why dont you discuss it with your wife.  You said that she is a sweetie, work it out with her.
215541
I am 27 and my husband is 47. We've been extremely happily married for 1 year. You can expect to have some arguments because you are older and set in your ways and you have to understand she's not. But that doesn't mean it can't work. You'll both have to know when to cut each other some slack and remember what's most important.
108944
I sort of agree with Big Ed...but you got some complications in this situation.\n\nAre you in agreement that all income is "Ours"?  Or is it that he puts in only a portion into the pot.  This is not good!\n\nI've shown people how to create a budget on a worksheet.  You can project into the future what your finances will be, and can budget your "play" money accordingly.  You are nervous because you don't really have a clue what is coming up.  By budgeting, it should help you out.\n\nDo a search on the internet for "budgeting" and get some ideas.  If you are still stumped send me an email and I'll show you how it's done.  \n\nThe fact that you now own your home indicated you are off to a good start.  Don't stumble now!
223193
I would attempt to handle this as early as possible in any relationship so that it does not become a problem later on. Also, it provides for a great topic of conversation for both parties whether they have been married or not.
49129
Right now you are bf/gf so it is important that everything be split 50/50.  This is to protect both of you in case you end up breaking up.  Breaking up is hard enough let alone if you end up with legal issues regarding money and stuff.\n\nIf you were married though I would say that money shouldn't be kept seperate.  It should all go into a joint account that you manage together.  There shouldn't be seperate credit cards and there shouldn't be seperate names on certain titles to vehicles or homes.  In a good relationship there is no trying to protect ones self or worrying that one person contributes more money than the other.  It is all about doing for the good of the family and the relationship.
598189
My marriage is a 10. Saturday will be our 11 year anniversary and we are BOTH happier now than we were on our wedding day! We have always made an effort for eachother in what ever it is were doing. We also talk to each other honesly and openly about anything that may be on our minds. She is my best friend as I am her's! If you can talk to each other and always make an effort for each other, your marriage will always be a 10 !!!\nGood question
647780
I want to say 2 years is a long enough time to save money,..plan a nice wedding and to live together.  I think that is an important thing.  If you can't live together  your marriage will be hard.  Just my opinion.