Before I ruin a perfect relationship with someone whom I love very much, I NEED to quit my drinking.  Is cutting back an option?  Has alcohol ruined you or someone you care for?
217058
No. Rarely drink myself. Why do you drink? Find the motivation and seee what you can do to either remove yourself from that stimulus or change your reaction to it.
398817
It has been proven that alcoholicism can be caused partly by genes, it can be hereditary. The fact that your fiancee lies about his drinking is the most troubling statement you have made. ( along with the fact that he seems to think a life without drink is no life at all). \n\nThere are basically a lot of ways to take a drink, if he is drinking just because he is feeling happy and the drink makes him happier, the problem is less serious. If he is drinking to get rid of problems or issues it is far more serious and he should get counselling or group therapy.\n\nDrinking from depression will eventually only worsen the depression and the problems, rather than going away, will mount up, leading to more drinking etc...the downward spiral in which he will eventually be unable to function normally.\n\nPerhaps you could point out the other disadvantages of drinking to him, besides the ones you have already stated about dying from alcoholicism. This seems so huge and so far-fetched to him that it will not deterr him I think.\n\nTry mentioning the liver's deterioration to him, explaining that the liver is one of the most important organs in our body, it breaks down all 'poison'that enters our system.\n\nAlso, if he keeps drinking, his looks will disappear faster, he will get more lines in the face, bags under the eyes, his hair will thin more rapidly, he will get a pot-belly  etc.\n\nAbove all, do not tell him NEVER to drink, that will seem scary to him, just ask him to drink less and maybe eventually he will stop altogether although a few drinks a month never hurt anybody.\n\nTry not to make his drinking the all-important issue of your relationship, if you 'ignore' it, it will not go away but it will become less important, to him as well. as long as the drink is foremost in his head he will feel the urge to have one.\n\nI hope this has been helpful, good luck!
566751
In a word:  NO\n\nI think your friend's story of a man having an accident the day after he stopped drinking is pure coincidence.  Alcoholic problems are usually described in the sense when drinking effects (poorly) other areas of your life.  So if you are talking about drinking in excess before you go to sleep and likely suffering a hang over or having not enough real sleep, it will likely make it very difficult to perform your job the next day.  \n\nStudies have shown that drinking a glass of wine a day keeps the doctor away.
142274
I am somewhat in this same situation.  I was a drinker when I met my bf and he has since asked me to quit (or only drink when he is around).  He knows I tend to be more "open" or social when I'm under the influence of alcohol and that scares him, and he has every reason to be (i am a heavy drinker and have been known to black out).  I guess it depends on how much she is drinking and how often.  Do you see yourself EVER being able to accept it.  I'm sure you have tried talking to her about this already, hence the fighting.  Please, next time, express your fellings calmly, genuinely, and with love.  If she is 100% defending her actions without even so much as considering your feeling on this, it may be a lost cause.  (From experience, the more defensive she is, the more difficult the situation, there may be more to what she is doing).  If she loves you, she will at least consider what you have to say. \n\nAlso, you may want to re-evaluate your marriage.  I'm no counsler, but I've known from my own relationships that sometimes the spark burns out.  She may just be seeking the "new" that she misses from when you 2 met.  Is rediscovering those "new" feelings with her an option?
370058
You keep doing this to yourself like most of us do, we think that this visit will change her/his mind.  You are right though, it isn't going to happen.  I think that right now some of things that help me are focusing on others.  I chose to volunteer on days that seem to be the hardest on me.  I forced myself to do things that I blew off while I was in this toxic relationship.  I blew off my friends, I didn't give my 100% to my job, family etc.  You need to do things now that you really enjoy that did not involve your ex.  You really need to stop visiting your ex.  If you were a recovering alcoholic, would you go to a bar? If you were trying to stop smoking, would you go hang out in a smoky bar?  STOP seeing her.  You are so right about going out to find someone else. Right now all that would be is destructive.  If that didn't pan out, you would be heaping more hurt on top of this hurt.  I don't know what you can do to keep her off your mind.  I still haven't found the answer to that one.  I don't know if that is possible.  All I know that you should keep yourself busy doing things that are productive for you and others.  First things first, quit seeing her. Cut all ties.  This is the only way the healing will begin. Good luck.
315423
You can't change him only yourself. He has to see the problem for himself or he will not be able to do the work to really quit, he will just become a good liar and hide it from you. Alcoholism is a disease. I am an alcoholic so I know. I just got two years sober through the fellowship of A.A. I know you care about him but the best thing you can do for him is to back off. Let him experience all the consequences of his drinking so that when he does quit he will never again think to himself "oh, I wasn't that bad" Make sure you are not enabling his behavior. Definitely don't try to control it or he will just resent you. If you really want to help him start by helping yourself. Find a local Alanon meeting and see what they have to say. It is filled with the family and friends of alcoholics and they know how to disengage with love. Good luck!
569406
Honey, you are not overreacting at all.  This man does not respect you.  I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling.  Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years.  You've lost yourself in this relationship.  I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man.  He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature.  You stooped to his level.  What you should do is leave.  It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man.  Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.  \n\nI don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder.  I speak from experience.  I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man.  And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband.  I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day.  Why should I live with that, and why should you.  \n\nHow dare he stop you from working if you want to work.  That's a way of him staying in control of you.  Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there.  Start planning your way out.  You will be so happy when you find yourself again.  And don't forget, God is there for you.  Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.
12035
I stopped cold turkey about 1 1/2 years ago. Let me tell you: it's a constant struggle, especially when I drink alcohol. You really have to convince yourself that you need and want to quit. It makes it easier when you can justify it by looking at your kids, family, etc and realizing that you want to be around them for as long as possible. That's about the best I can tell you. Good luck! If you really want to quit, you can do it without patches, gum, etc.
171103
Your boyfriend is lucky to have someone like you, but I think that you really should not threaten him on anything.  You have to think about this carefully, are you going to leave him if he does not quit, if the answer is yes, then I think you should have a talk with him when he is sober, and let him know that you are supportive but if he is not going to quit, he will lose you and you mean it!  If your answer is no, you are just buffing him, then, I think that you have to rethink!  It is difficult to have a relationship with someone who has a bad habit but I agree that you have to try and help him before giving up!  Good Luck!
47313
I am.  Been going to AA a year.  He is.  I was totally functional, never missed work, etc.  But drank almost every night.\n\nGuidance lies in the answer to the following question:  Why does he drink at all?  What is the negative part of life that he wishes to escape from or at least numb every night?  For me, it was simply the world.  (Too many mean people, too many corrupt politicians, too many wars, too much stress, too many idiots, etc.)  But when one considers the negative ramifications of drinking, especially on health, finances and relationships, it is truly better to live life sober on life's terms.  The problem is that sounds like a miserable proposition to an alcholic.  The truth, though, is after going to AA for a while, the laughter starts to come back, the peace of mind, the serenity.  Life becomes a joy again that doesn't need to be numbed every night.\n\nGood luck!
563289
You've passed the enough stage.  Don't fight with a drunk...it's usless.  You need to pack your bags and leave.  It's the only way.  Most Alcoholics don't stop drinking until they reach rock bottom...l'd get him there quick if you want to save his life.
544572
I spent some time (months) in a recovery center and many subsequent AA meetings and it was hammered into my head that it was hereditary even though I have no alcoholic family members. It also was hammered into my head that there is no cure and that you will always be alcoholic once you become one... even if you quit drinking for years and years. Turns out my alcoholism was triggered by my depression. Once the depression was fixed, the alcoholism went bye-bye. It's been a year and a half now, and there are no cravings or desires to drink anymore. My point is simple, if you think you might be depressed, avoid alcohol at all costs... it will kill you. It almost killed me. Thank God I found my way out of that miserable depression and no longer want or need to escape.\n\nThat being said, if you think you have an addictive personality or are genetically predisposed, you might want to be super careful when it comes to drinking, because it really can be powerfully addictive. Many of the patients in therapy were related to users. I remember the counsellor saying that alcohol is just as addictive as heroin if not more so. Take that for what it's worth, you probably don't want to be tempted to go down that road. Besides, there's so much more to life than partying. Too bad, it took a close brush with death for me to realize that.\n\nThere are some pretty good answers here... kvh's is among the best. Unfortunately, "doctor's" is not one of them. \n\nHope this helps.
644722
I understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic and it sucks.  I don't know why I let it last as long as it did (5 years).  He took off on a weekend too and I had no idea where he was, but to make matters worse my car was in the driveway but waiting for him to fix it and as for my motorcycle, he purposely took my key so I couldn't go anywheres (lived way out in the country on a dead-end road).  He constantly made promises with the kids (we each had one) and broke them because he was drunk so I had to do the promised things with them by myself.\n\nIf he is indeed changing then give him another chance.  You need to stop thinking about the other guy.  Do not talk to him or see him for the next few months at least.  See how it goes with your bf at home.  You may have to take the kids and leave for awhile.  But don't jump into anything new yet.
646897
Let's face it, sexual behavior under the influence of anything is most often a bad idea. Making decisions about relationships under the influence is also a bad idea. And, of course, saying whatever you think while under the influence is most definitely a bad idea.\n\nSince the crisis started when you suggested you were interested in others, since the two of you were broken up when the sexual event happened, and since your bf was honest about what happened...and it sounds as though he is genuinely sorry about the whole mess...it might be in your best interest to forgive him and give him a second chance.
10961
It would help some to know how old you are first.  I will assume that all parties of of legal age (21)since it is not otherwise stated.\nDoes your girl have a drinking problem?  If not it is pretty unreasonable for you to ask her not to drink.  What right do you have?   If she does have a drinking problem, asking her not to drink will not make her not drink.  \n\nAlso, asking anyone not to hang out with their friends is not reasonable what right do you have to tell her who she can and cannot hang out with?  \n\nYou are correct though, she shouldn't have agreed to what you asked, as you are overstepping your bounds as a boyfriend.  \n\nYou ask her to do things that are not reasonable, then you get mad when she doesn't do them.  You don't trust her to start with, then you ask her to keep promises that you know she won't and you then in turn trust her even less.  You are making yourself miserable, you either need to learn what you limits are as a boyfriend (what you can ask another person to do/not do) or you need to get out of this relationship.   \n\nHow would you feel if she asked you to do the same things that you ask of her?  Would you feel it was fair?  You might feel that you are trying to look out for her best interest, but it sounds like it might be coming across as overbearing.\n\n*UPDATED*  I can't solve your problem.  Relationships are hard and yet simple, either you and the other person are happy, or you aren't.  If you both aren't happy, and you've tried to make it better and you still aren't happy, then what's the point of continuing?  You can not change a persons behavior and although, you may want to look out for her and vice versa you can not make her do something she doesn't want to.  Just like she can't make you do something you don't want to do.  You only do it because you want to, you want to please her and make her happy.  It's a two way street, you can give her your opinion and your advice, but you can't make her do anything. If you are happy with her behavior then stay, if not leave; she is going to be who she is, if you don't like that then maybe you don't really like her, but you like who you can turn her into; which again isn't really her.  Regardless, you either stay or leave it is your choice, but know who she is as a person and know that you can only advise and nothing more then that.  *********************\n2-1-06\nIt's sad, she needs to learn to love herself.  She has to learn to do that on her own, sadly; you cannot teach her that.  That's all I have to say about this, and I mean it this time.
247245
dear,\ni have been(in a way I'm still) for 5 years with a man who had, more or less, the same problem.I told me that he cannot be happy if he was going out and not drinking . So...when we were out with a group of friends, after a while the alcohol was more important than me.\nI don't remember how many times I left a place alone, leaving him there already drunk.\nThe point is: do u deserve this?\nNo darling, u deserve much more than a stupid man who cannot be happy without his drinking!find a man who is there for you!
78810
Drinking doesn't directly cause harm to anyone else. True, over indulgence can cause people to make irrational decisions which can be harmful or even deadly, but smoking is ALWAYS dangerous. I have had breathing issues since I was a baby and being around cigarette smoke greatly aggravates that. It's not fair for other peoples health to be constantly compromised because of other's addictions.