I'm undergoing an emotional pain brought by a friend & acquaintance I met in one of my meetings at work. I don't understand what I am going thru as I became so depressed that I lost him. We both did everything to avoid each other as we're both married but honestly we never had sexual affair though he was prodding. There's something going wrong with me emotionally & psychologically coz I'm deeply hurt losing him (same feeling I felt when my Dad died, what's this pain?). It's almost a year now and I haven't recovered yet. I know this feeling isn't normal as I did all my best to keep busy & now I'm so tired. Should I tell my hubby what's going on with me? But I don't want my hubby to worry coz he proved to be wonderful and loving husband to me and we love each other much. I'm hiding in deep pain. Please help, what's wrong with me?
216441
I don't think I would ever keep anything from my husband.\nIt may build a wedge in the relationship and that could lead to more unhealthy characteristics. I think I would approach it by saying that you are really worried about the way you act at times and that you think it has to do with the loss of your Dad and the grieving process. \nTell him about your friendship with the other person and how you are grieving the loss of a close friend and that it has been heavy on your mind for awhile...also that you want to improve yourself for the sake of the marriage. Ask for his advice. \nNow, understand I am assuming that this is a healthy relationship and that your husband is an understanding caring individual and that you both trust and respect each other. \nIf it is something different, this would not be the best path to take.
304017
You need to talk to him.  Let him know how you're feeling.  Sometimes our spouses don't read our minds even when we think they should.  It doesn't make them insensitive just not perfect.  He may not realize your depression or the level of it.  If you're able to tell us you're depressed then TELL HIM.  Men and women have a different makeup and we don't understand each other most of the time.  Sometimes communication helps in understanding.  Just try to tell him how you're feeling.  ((((HUGS))))  Sorry for you loss.
282556
Ah, I am sorry to hear how much this is upsetting you, and I feel sorry for him as well. I wish I had a crystal ball to look into and find out what's really going on here. Something's fishy. \n\nAt the start of many sexual relationships, the lovemaking is hot! It's natural for sex to wane over time and you two were very busy. I sense that there's an undercurrent you need to ferret out, as it seems that he is flat-out avoiding sex with you. \n\nAsk yourself some basic questions: when did things change? Was there an incident that you can remember? Has there been a gradual decline? Has putting on weight, having children, a change in income/earnings or something like that happened? \n\nAs for the importance of this to your relationship, although national studies have shown disparate results, sex is not usually the number one issue in saving a marriage. However, if it's a top need for you and it compounds your feelings of inadequacy, erodes your self-esteem, makes you feel unloved or affects your ability to feel good about yourself in general, then it's time to have a serious heart-to-heart with him. Be gentle when you talk about it and try to understand what's bothering him. After that, you may need to seek professional help either together or alone — or give him up in the end.
510953
Oh dear, maybe you are putting too much emphasis on your marriage. It seems that the new car smell has worn off. It sounds like you still love your husband, but you feel as though something is missing. It is, your life. Whatare you doing with yourself to decompress? Your mate and your child shouldn't be the only focus in life. Get a hobby. I mean that in the most genuine and caring way. Find a healthy form of exercising those mental muscles that will also boost your self esteem. And for goodness sake, do not get involved with another man, any kind of way. You have to realize that you are going thru a new chapter in your life, it is growing pains that you are having, just like when you were an adolescent. Keep the activity simple but very rewarding.Your blues will pass, but keep your personal activity.
131664
Although I don't have the answer you want ... I can relate with your feelings. I don't know if just knowing that you are not alone in this helps or not. I went through almost the same exact situation about 6 months ago and it brought back all kinds of feelings of lose and sadness. I am sorry that you are having these feelings and hope you can learn to cope in some way. I still just push all of my hurt to the back of my mind...some days I am kinda ok and other days I cry at the drop of a hat--I guess its just something you have to carry with you for the rest of your life. Once again i am sorry and wish you the best. I am 31 years old myself with no other children-but hang in there and hopefully things will look up for us both.    :)
279219
take it easy to begin with,and try to realize that pain has a way of coming at you. you can handle it if you go one thought at a time. don't be all over the board with your emotional system,it makes it worse. believe me when i tell you you are not alone in this world,God sends us people who care , be patient and at least glad your alive  it may take time to sort it out but be GOOD to yourself,your worth it.
71128
I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse.  I have started falling out of love with my husband.  I don't want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it.  I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him.  When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does.  Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn't have to lift a finger to keep this going...keep the flame alive so to speak.  I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already.   Have you "listened" to your wife?  Does she feel loved?  Don't think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged.  Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things.  Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers.  Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great.  Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun.  She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with...act dumb and laugh at and with each other.  Just let her know every day that you love her...genuinely.  Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou".  Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon".  A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot.  If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you.  I may know what she is going through.  My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance.  I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart.  Don't let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
216801
Sweetheart, you are getting a lot of advice.  Filter it carefully - including mine.\n\nIt's obvious that you care about your husband a great deal. What happened?  When did he start to mentally check out on him?  Are you two still interested in the same things?  \n\nThis happens a lot when husbands hit depressions and just don't know how to deal with.  Or there is unresolved conflict that is brewing underneath the surface.\n\nRemember that there is always a root.  You need wise counsel now.  Does he still love crawling in the sack, mounting you and rolling off going to sleep?  Because if he does, you need to have "the talk" with him after you screw him to the Third Heaven.  \n\nCommunication is the lifeblood of the relationship.  If you fear that you will be too emotional when you talk to him, write him a letter not accusing him (e.g. You should do something and you don't), but using the "I" language (e.g. I love it when you hold me or when we go for walks. Can we go this afternoon, etc.) \nattach it to a G-string with your best perfume and put it with his lunch or coat pocket...\n\nI don't know how long you've been married.  You also need to arm yourself with knowledge.  The book "His Needs, Her Needs" is an excellent start.  E-mail me if you would like a list of other resources.
413431
hello my dear friend!\n\nwell i am able to read your feelings well... because i went through the same situation too! 6months back i was diagnosed with germ cell tumour and i had to undergo chemotherapy and had a hard time... my husband loves me a lot and the essence of our marriage was an intimate relationship which meant even having good sex! during the six months period he saw me undergoing the treatment and when i was back home afetr the treatment ..\ni understood how much he missed me ...i got him cuddled next to me and could feel his warm presence...\ni know you love your wife deeply and wouldnt want to hurt her.. but when you kiss her or cuddle her romancingly and perhaps you could have a little action in your life.. you will not hurt her and she too will love you fro expressing your affection...to be very frank sex is an important positive aid in helping a sick  person recover soon... it will enhace the mind and body and put both of you'll in a happy spirit...\n\nso listen to me and express your love...hug her ,kiss her and make her feel warm and romantic..you can do it my friend... you mean a lot to her in her life as she mean to you..try casual romance and see how happy you will feel!i will pray fro you and your wife..! \n\ngoodluck!
308809
Ok, When my oldest daughter was two my wife and I separated because she was having an internet affair. after a couple of months separation I decided that I still loved her.  that was six years ago.  About six months ago I made a mistake and wandered from my relationship and had a Psychological affair with a coworker.  we never had sex or anything. But my loveing wife is trying to work through this.  she loves me I know she does and I Hope that we can work through this and be stronger than we were before.  But just remember that just because he wandered doesnt mean that he dont love you anymore, because if that were the case he would have split it off with you when he got caught.  Hang in there and he will show you that he is being true to you by his actions.\n\ngod bless.\n\nC.H.
653206
You are not wrong for feeling the way you do about his infidelity.  However, you can be blamed if you are not letting your feelings known to the person(s) you are blaming for putting you in this position of mistrust, anger, sadness...  If you let this go for too long, you'll lose yourself.  Let your feelings out and you'll definitely feel better...and it will give you a sense of freedom to make choices about what to do next.  Separation can be a good thing when trying to figure it out.  Because you are married and even though he is in the wrong, he has a right to know how you feel and what you intend to do about it.  If your desire to give him another chance is there but buried with all the anger then focus on the good you two have shared and go back to those magical moments to help you remember why you were together in the first place.  No one is perfect, wife or husband, we all have faults.  Forgiveness won't be easy but it will give you both freedom whether you stay together or not.  I wish you all the best.
521747
Hey I like you! ^_^ ..lol..seriously though, good for you it's really nice to know that there are men like you out there. \n\nMy husband WAS selfish-I am at the point where I am just like "Come on work with me here" it takes it's toll on a person when your lover thinks of himself before he does you all the time. And you keep telling yourself he'll come around, you only have Faith to keep you from drowning really...It hurts to be treated second all the time. \n\nNow he's changing and I can finally breathe a lil more....I think I will have to get use to being TRULY happy in this relationship of ours and believing that things are different between us... it takes two right? =) \n\nHey thanks for giving me a chance to share my thoughts slash vent....keep shinning and never give up! Best wishes to you and yours!
499955
My hubby did that for the longest time too.  I finally told him we needed counseling.  Now after nearly 10 years together we can sit down and talk about it.  We've made it a priority to never go to sleep with each other angry.  I've also been more verbal about why I am upset etc.  Some guys think that if they hug you etc then woman are okay. It has taken us some time but we are closer than when we first said our vows.  If both of you go to counseling together and separately you can learn how to talk to one another.  Don't make the mistake of assuming or thinking he should know how you feel.  Communication is not always easy but you are right to say it is important.  You need to ask him why he doesn't talk to you about it.  You shouldn't shun your emotions either.  Just talk to him whether he wants to hear or not.  Tell him how you feel but try not to make him feel cornered.  It's hard when you are newly married isn't it?  It all boils down to both of you not understanding the other.  It can be that way in all relationships.  I hope you guys work things out and seek counseling of some kind.  Good luck and congratulations.
612277
You're married, but you're not dead. In other words, being married doesn't eliminate the ability to be attracted to other people. I think it's natural to feel confused, especially if marriage isn't what you expected. The new wears off rather quickly, doesn't it? It's up to you and your hubby to ''keep it real'' because passion tends to fade. If you don't maintain your passion for one another, you will grow bored (a.k.a. the ''comfort rut'') with eachother and will probably be tempted to step outside of your marital boundaries. There's nothing on the ''other side'' that you really want (remember what you hated about single life?)Chances are, you've forgotten about the pitfalls of being single. Marriage is a lot of work (but can also be great) and people have some crazy misconceptions about this kind of committment. For example, before getting married, I honestly believed that married people have sex all the time. I quickly discovered that I was wrong - and that a number of things can affect a couple's sex life. Work and stress are good mood killers, especially for men. \nShould you pursue this other man, what will happen when the new wears off? Will you pursue somebody else in hopes that it will be different? Being with another man will only confuse you, and though you may not realize it, you will also find yourself torn between these two men (unsure about how you really feel).  If you've lost the fire in your current relationship, it's probably because you and your husband haven't made an effort to keep that fire going. \n\nIf the other man is claiming, but isn't acting like he's into you, it's probably because of your marital status. With that in mind, he's  probably very reluctant to get involved with a married woman.
516083
Snowbunny, feeling the way you do is perfectly normal. Sometimes you don't know what you had until you loose it, I kow how you feel... No matter who you talk to, its like nobody understands or they can't grasp what you're going through and so you can't seem to get over this depression because even the advice your friends or parents give you still doesn't feel good enough. You just want to cry, you feel like treating everyone around you the way you feel. Can't eat, Can't sleep and you can't remember the last time you really smiled from your heart, but trust me when I say, if its meant to be, he will come back and you guys can try again. It won't be tomorrow or next month, no one knows but trust me. And what ever you do, don't consider hurting yourself over something that might feel "like the end of the world" to you. I've got a scar for every heartbroken event in my life when I was either used or mistreated. 5 years of bad memories but looking back now, I found someone who loves me the way none of those in the past could, even though I thought so that time. Thinking of you snowbunny..... good luck hey!
470050
How long is a while?  If you have been seeing her for longer than 6-8 months, that's one thing.  Understand that you may be important to her, but this issue is not about her, it's about you!\nWhy are you feeling this way, and I don't mean for you to explain the situation all over again?  What inside of you is causing the anxiety, or jealousy, or emotions that you are going through?\nThink of the couple that had been married for 60 years, and one dies.  At least you have your love every day, so be thankful for that, at least.
509731
I can totally relate to where you're coming from. I am also happily married to an amazing guy who sounds a lot like your husband - attractive, sweet, dependable. Yet I sometimes think about other guys I've been with (even brief relationships from back in high school!) or develop big crushes on guys I meet (see my latest post for details). \n\nI can also give you advice as someone who has followed her feelings and tried to "have it all" and the cake, too. A few years ago, I had a very brief affair - which I then confessed to my husband (also detailed in an earlier post). I was very fortunate that he forgave me, and now almost 4 years later we have a child together. The thing is, the affair totally wasn't worth it. Not only did I hurt my husband, who has been my best friend for 10 years, but I went through an emotional hell (and a deep depression).\n\nI can see a lot of similiarities in our situations because I am religious also. That can cause even more angst when these sexual feelings arise, because you feel so much guilt from them. What I've come to recognize is that the feelings are normal, but you just need to be careful not to act on them. It's OK to think about other people from time to time, to fantasize as long as you don't start spending all your energy wanting it to come true. \n\nIn your case, since you've been with this other guy in the past, it would be really easy to fall into it again. My advice is to stay away from him. Enjoy the memories of the exciting sexual moments you've shared in the past, and remember that you're an attractive person to other guys. Use it to boost your confidence and feel good about yourself, just don't act on it. Hope that helps! :-)