i havent exactly been on top of the social latter...but i everytime i try be to 'in', it dont rele workk
200377
You want the practical or the sociologist's answer? When you try too hard, people can tell, and even though a lot of the "in" crowd is really insincere, they have something to work off of - connections, friends, money, some kind of social tender. But they can sense that you're just trying and shooting blind, and it's irritating to them. You're trying to do something that's not you.\n\nIt really depends on your personality, and as Julia Kristeva said, fame (or, in your case, popularity) is a social phenomenon. However, there are things you can do to let people naturally feel drawn to you.\n\nOne of them is not to care - be confident, develop your skills and talents, and be DAMNED good at them and proud of them. Don't be arrogant; be humble and caring and sincere, but know your strengths and be honest about your weaknesses. People will want to know why you're so satisfied, why they feel good around you, and what makes you tick.\n\nAnother is to be really outgoing without trying. I'm not talking about extroverted, but this ties in with confidence. When you have confidence, you'll slowly drop your fear or awkwardness at not fitting in.\n\nAll through elementary school I was supposedly an outcast, but I was so unaware of my surroundings (I had friends and a GREAT life outside of school) that I didn't know, and it didn't matter. When I moved, it became more apparent, and all through junior high, I was awkward, but I eventually grew into my own group of friends, though I was never "popular" but not an outcast either.\n\nI moved in the middle of high school (again), so things were weird, but I found that I loved the people I could have very stimulating, and, yes, geeky discussions with. I loved choir and drama, and I loved conversations with my teachers. I got along with people who loved these things too, and everybody else who didn't care to get to know me, I didn't lose sleep over. I actually enjoyed my peace of "invisibility," not being involved with all that drama, and for some reason, I started getting more attention and even guys hitting on me, though I wasn't one of those people eager to get into a relationship anyway.\n\nStill, it was my workplace (a martial arts studio) that really opened me up. Getting into routine, discipline, and the quirks of the place built confidence. I interacted with people there whom I wouldn't normally have spoken to outside, and it didn't matter that we were SO different; we respected each other. I was happy with what I did, and it showed.\n\nThat's carried a lot through college. I don't have to party to meet people, but I am confident in my abilities and organised enough to get my work done so I don't have to stress and cram and avoid people when I'm studying. It wasn't until I got here that I realised people noticed me, but I'm so used to being out of the limelight that I didn't realise how many friends I'd made throughout the years from all walks of life and how many people I'm now getting to know, just by being myself. I guess I'm still not "popular," the kind of person who hears about all the events, but I think I have more real friends than the people who stick to one group anyway.\n\nSorry for the rambling, but the key is not to worry and to be confident. Take care of yourself because you like yourself; take care of your health because it'll make YOU feel better, not because you'll look better to everyone else. I dress well because it helps me start the day off well, not to attract attention. I do my best not to get praise, but because I feel good about it; I feel accomplished. =)\n\nGood luck, but you don't need it!
519516
hey im a guy (15, sophomore) and i have to tell u ive struggled w. this a lot.....haha yah. well the category  u chose is perfect because being outgoing/social definatly fits in oursociety& culture and mostly our etiquette..........well i can tell u that it is not easy to break the barrier......well let me make my story short : i was liek rlly fat last year (liek eew) and at the end of summer i was lookin' very different i became thin and changed my image, i started talkin2 ppl more and they want 2 talk2 me....but still need to be more talkative...it takes time ....so change is good iguess......but HEY it depends.....bec. my junior friend got carried away, she wanted2 be popular and all and she started hanging out w. a popular friend and now my junior friends think shes a b**chand they talk bad about her and all.......so yah........careful.....change if u want2 but dont become tooo selfish liek my junior friend.
654003
Sometime having a good friend you can hang out with can always get you going! but you deserve some rest too!! don't over do it just yet, your still young...I have the same problem sometimes but when your tired of being lazy *you'll spring right into action*!!
390532
it depends. i think i wud be somewhere in between. at times u need to be vague, atleast i have been in situations like that.
151649
hey... its good that ur calling out like that, it only shows u truly do have ambition despite the people/circumstances around u that hold you back. why dont u write to me, jammiecon@yahoo... i'm going through the same problem but my reasons are different, i've had a bad life and it seems like when i really want to do something, sh1t gets in the way and just beats me down. i need to talk too and like really get some motivation boosts. we should email, seriously, we'll set our goals together n challenge each other n stuff.\n\ntheres too many lecture-therapeutic-type things to stay to you i cant just post it here... generally, good luck, and remember its a v good thing u asked. i hope this, and everybody else's answers, helps.
200589
I used to be the exact same way and now I am a "social butterfly". Definitely follow your heart. Life has it's own natural path. Be patient, be you, but most of all be happy. :^)
134558
You have to come out of your shell somewhat kid. Do it in small ways that are comfortable for you, maybe talk to him when there aren't a whole bunch of people around. I'm sure he'll think you're great!
338479
Why are you being anti-social? Try to go out more where other people are around.
281041
OK. if that is the way you are, and it work all the time, don't give yourself to much trouble for that just let it go. but if it doesn't work or only work sometime, just, don't try once to have everything over, but when you see somebody who you want to talk o, find an interesting subject to talk to this person about, and if you don't find one, just say hello to the person and you will catch it next time. so if before you go to somebody, you look for something interesting to talk to that  person about, that will slow down the way you interact with people you just met.
609525
Go out with your friends, to a dance, a movie, most anything that appeals to you, and your friends. There is no BAD going out. You can have fun at most anything, if you want to. I go out a lot with friends to dances, clubs, outdoor concerts, whatever, and we have a great time. I am finally beginnning to "loosen up" a little, and dance some........you know what, I LOVE it! I am the "shy" type too, but it helps if there's others there. Go out! Have a   good time! You deserve it! Good Luck!!
343982
Stop trying.  It sounds like you are trying really hard to be someone you are not.  If you stop trying to please others and just be yourself, then you will find out who you really are.  You shouldn't try to be like others because you are not them.  They can be role models for you but you need to find your own way.  If you just take a break from impressing others and acting like others you will find the true you.  You have nobody to impress but yourself.  And I know that you will find that you are a pretty OK guy in your own right.  Sit back, relax, be yourself, enjoy life.
148452
I can relate to that. I've moved a lot in my life. Be yourself! Once they see that you're really nice, they'll make friends with you. :)
556541
Not right now but I SOOOO know how you feel. You need to pursue something you're interested in. That's what keeps me from being down, I just make sure I always have something to work towards.
49221
I used to be just like that. but you dont really get over being shy, you jsut get better at being outgoing. the first thing i did was join a club that takes you all over the U.S., it's called FFA. I got a job and it was a waitress at a bar. so there are many opportunities there. just go up and talk to the guy, any guy, it's how i did it and now im still shoy to an extent, but hey, im get out there and i have fun while chatting up some hottie. so jsut break away and strike up a conversation with some random guy, like a guy from school, in the grocery store...anywhere...even in the mall. it works.
283620
went through the same thing...I tried using that to my advantage...make that your main motivation....you have not failed unless you have decided not to get back up and try again...try and think of it as..."failure is not an option" and will never be...\n  you will over come your obsticals trust me...you can and will be someone
371796
You need to be around people who will acknowledge your presence and make you feel like you belong.\n\nLet them go to hell!!! Find new friends who make you feel like you are a part of something.
472998
no worries. maybe you need a bit more socialization.