What does it mean when you tell your wife I love you but I am not in love with you? Is there a way to change his mind? I am in a sexless marriage, and he does not help around the house. I work too but I do 99% of the work at home the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and the bill paying. \n\nHELP!!!!!!!!!!!
212862
Show him this Question and Answer thread
164817
I feel your pain, my husband thinks of sleeping as the greatest hobby. But over the years, I have just come to accept that it is one of his qwirks, and even though it bugs me, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me, it just means he likes to sleep.
196902
that's ok if your spouse want's sex more then you but when you are sick he schould be worrying about your health not sex.it is terribly that he is not thinking of you.i have the best husbant.i was in the hosp for 2 week's had surgery and had 35 staples in me and my husbant could not have sex four over 8 weeks and he never once ask me to have sex why i'm going to tell you why because he loves me and he worryes about me.and i'm not saying that to hurt you but it's true.if your husbant loves you he would be more under standing. or you can do what my sister did to her husbant he wanted sex all the time he sounds like your husbant so she put itching powder in his under were well he did not want sex for a while.lol p.s. when he is sick does he still want to have sex?
104346
Sex is important in a relationship and obviousley most people would not get married or stay married if there was no sex involved. I would not marry someone who did not give me sex either. I do not think it is offensive to think like that. I just think you should tell her and see if she will change, ultimately you might not get what you want and you might and up divorcing her but would it hurt to try and make it work first.
444769
That he is cheating does not mean that he does not love or find you attractive. It does not mean he wants to end the marriage either. It is just a male thing. The more the merrier. He is just seeking fun adventure and something different.\nHave someone talk with him. Someone he respects and will listen to. It might help. Keep your head and remain cool even as he seems to have lost his.
314226
IM BISEXUAL AND LOVE A MARRIED MAN. STRANGE RIGHT? I KNOW. NO SEX INVOLVED. THIS IS A STICKY SITUATION AND ONE THAT SHOULD NOT INVOLVE YOU. IM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HIM. HE NEEDS SPACE AND HE MADE THIS PART OF THE MESS AND PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO SUBJECT YOU TO THE FUCKING DRAMA.MY ADVISE IS TO LEAVE AND MOVE OUT. HE NEEDS TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS AND YOU LET HIM. IF HE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM THINGS WILL WORK THEMSELVES OUT. IF NOT, THEN YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. EVER HEARD "ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR"? I GUESS IT IS.YOU WALK OUT AND SAY GIVE IT A YEAR, CAUSE DIVORCE IS MESSY.AND IN THIS CASE IT DEFINITELY IS. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE LET THEM GO. IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU THEN....THEY ARE YOURS..{SMILE I KNOW YOU ARE SAD} . BE STRONG GIRL,LOL HOPE THIS HELPS.LOL MEXXXI
467419
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex all the time and it is hard when one person seems disinterested.  You have some idea if he is under stress or if he is tired all the time so I won't go that route with this answer.  I also won't go down the is he cheating path because if you had some concern about that you would have mentioned it in your question.  I would ask you to think about what was going on before you got married when the two of you were having sex regularly.  Were the two of you living together??  Were you the one who initiated it all the time??  Alot of times we have the answers to the question we pose you simply need to look into your history with your husband.  I asked you the questions above because a similar thing happened in my marriage.  I was distracted and very busy not to mention I was very tired all the time and I felt as if I didn't want to disappoint my wife by not having the energy that I normally had.  So she felt I had to be out there doing something with someone because I was not doing it enough with her.  Desire is what fuels sex so you have to "get back on your husband's mind".  How, well some times a little shock could be the key.  In your question you say you are thinking about getting it elsewhere, tell him that.  Yeah I said it, tell him that he is frustrating you and though you don't want to cheat, he makes you feel as if you want to cheat.  Now don't dare cheat because it is not worth it.  You wouldn't want  him to cheat on you.  Tell him that making love is very important to you and that you are not trying to be selfish but that you need and want to show affection.  From the wording of your question, you seem like you are willing to do what it takes to make him happy.  My other suggestion is to be patient.  You might have to accept a compromise where you might have to get it twice a week instead of everyday.  One thing is for sure, sex cannot be the defining issue in your marriage.  You have to find a way to communicate what you are feeling and act with the information that you receive.\n\nGood Luck
238429
Dave,\n\nYes, marriage is hard work for both spouses You each have to give 110% into the marriage. If you are having some issues about what is happening in your relationship and I believe that what you have written you do, I would seek the advice of a marriage counselor for both of you.\n\nFrom what I am reading into your question, it appears that your wife views that you are the cause of her unhappiness. Your discussions and arguments need to be focused on what is going on in the relatonship not about about blame and shame. There are some communication tools that you can use in your conversations with your wife that may be helpful.\n\nThis requires that you develop the skill of detachment. If you can keep your emotions under control, then you can share with your wife what you see is happening and how you feel about it. Here is an example: " Honey,I love you very much and only want the best for us. Because I want the best I am sharing this with you now, When you continually find fault with everything I do, I become frustrated, confused, angry, and hurt. I know that we are both human and that we both love each other. Can we sit down and see how we can we work things out.\n\nThis may or may not work depending on what is the cause of your wife's behavior. Regardless, you need to take control of your own behaviour and detach from your wife. If you work on yourself and become the best person you can for you, not for her then you will begin to feel good about who you are and not rely on her for your feelings of self worth.\n\nI wish you well! Surround yourself with a support system of friends who can be there for you in this time of diffculty.\n\nThere may come a day when you have to say: Honey, I love you very much and want to stay married to you. It seems however that you are unhappy in this relationship with me. If you do not want to stay married to me let me know and because I love you, I will let you go.
652125
People expess themselves differently.  My husband is less forthcoming than I am in the "I Love You" verbally category.  Just because he doesn't say it, doesn't mean he isn't thinking it.  He does other things that reinforce the point of what he feels for me.\n\nIt's a good start that you're talking to her and telling her that you need to hear it more often.  Have you flat out told her "I love you to death but I need you to be more emotionally open with me? "  \n\nBut if she can't or won't express herself the way you need, you'll either have to learn to live with it or let it fester and perhaps ruin your relationship.  Perhaps you can find some other way for her to show her emotions to you.\n\nGood luck.
43232
It (probably) means that it wasn't meant to be. You two have lived it up and have produced two lovely children. I'm sure the both of you love them more than life itself. But perhaps that's where it ends...It seems like you have tried everything. Hell, you even went to counseling. Good job on both of your parts. You two want it to work. Maybe you're going through a phase? Maybe you should spice things up a bit. Join a club together, join together in a new sport, go hiking, camping, maybe you could spend less time with each other. Mabe ALL you need is a BREAK. C'mon now...16 years together. THAT tells you something. It cannot just stop like that. Do not give up. There is a reason why the two of you are together. There is a reason why you met, why you got married, why you decided to create children. Reminisce together about the days when you were younger, the crazy things you guys did for each other, the first time you told each other 'I Love you', etc. Do not give up. If it's an attraction/physical thing, work it out (Literally). Get sexy, make him look at you like you're the hottest thing to have walked this earth. It's not over sweetie. I believe in you guys.
182632
Are you really in LOVE with HIM?  Or is it the idea of new love and that feeling of new love, that you're in love with?  Especially being a married woman, after a little bit of time you lose that new love/lust euphoria.  Perhaps there are some things that you are missing in your marriage that you are looking for in this new guy.  I know it doesn't answer your question, but perhaps you should work on the marriage that you're already in and see if you can improve it, because you must have LOVED your husband at one time
554476
Tell him you love him, but don't want to have sex with him every single solitary day.  tell him if you are nothing more than sex to him then you'll just be moving on the a better man that knows how to treat you like you are more than a piece a of tail\n\n\nsorry to be so blunt and mean but I am dealing with a similar issue.
148470
First I must ask you. did you marry your husband out of Love? Second and I'm asking this because I was raised LDS(Mormon) And sex was very forbidden but we did kiss Didn't you ever Kiss? If you did didn't you notice his lack of arousal? It sounds as if he has no physical problem, but a mental one. I say that because I know how it is to be raised in a religion that believes sex is bad, It is a sin to want to make love to a women unless it is for procreation and therefore it is wrong to let yourself succumb to natural desires. My Father was a Mormon Bishop (God rest his soul) We had this discussion over sex many times. I asked him how God felt about it and his answer was always, What goes on in the bedroom between husband and wife stays in the bedroom. But you have not said if you and your husband ever talked about having children. Maybe he he is afraid of that or maybe and excuse me for saying this, but maybe he is Gay?  I've given you my answers and I don't think you are wrong for wanting to get out. A man and a woman need to have the same goals. It sounds like the problem is with your husband even if he can't get an erection there is other ways to please you. I tried to not be to gross. Hope I was able to help. God bless and you take care. Reed wrwoodall@yahoo,com
26494
He is not talking to you because you are at work, he is married, and do not want other people to know and may be tell his wife. Obviously he just wants you for self-satisfaction, so if all you want is to have sex then go for it, if you think you may want something else, then stop it or you will get extremelly hurt.
319082
Yes, we can separate the two things.  Sex and love don't necessarily have to have anything to do with each other, for a man.  But in this case, that only means that the women he's having sex with don't mean anything to him emotionally.  They're just a way of scratching an itch he happens to have, and he's ready to toss them aside without a second thought after they've served their purpose.  But even so, that's no excuse for cheating on the woman he loves, and he knows that as well as you do.  If he loved you very much, he'd keep his pants zipped when he was away from you.  Lack of sex never killed anybody, and if he was so horny he was about to die, he could always jerk off.  Tell him so.
256987
He loves you very much. So much that the words "in sickness and in health" have a meaning to him. Not all, but many, guys would have gone by now. If I were you, I would love this man with all my heart and do all I could to hold on to him forever. He sounds like a very special man. Not many people get the chance to have a love that strong and true.\n\nI sincerely wish you and your husband the very best.\n\nTerry\n\nPS: True love can overcome all. He has found his nirvana in you.
411747
Dear Omar,\nAm sorry to hear about your wife. It must really be tuff to hold out like you have. In my opinion, I dont think she would damn you for taking on a female friend. I realize it gets lonely especially for a guy. I empathize with you.  You know, I understand you want to stay faithful and probably have thought, what if it was me. Well, my friend, you ARE being faithful, as far as I know. Only God is the judge of what you do. And God knows your heart, whether you are being malicious or not. I don't believe he wants you to be with out companionship. Now sex is another story. You will be taking on alot of guilt because you are not free of your wife in your mind or heart.And suppose you get so involved you fall in love with this person. Then what? Do you chuck your wife and go with her? It is such a fine line as to what to do in this case. I mean what do the docs say about your wife? Is she brain dead? Is she losing body mass by laying? Is she deteriating, What? I say, just be careful not to add additional problems to your life that you may not be able to handle. Choose someone that clearly understands the situation and keep it plotonic(yeah right, huh?). Its nice to know you have someone to talk to and go to dinner and have conversation with, right? To go for walks and the movies. I know what you are talking about. So really you have to make that call and when you do make sure you have a clear conscience.