I went out at christmas to watch the football with a friend, got drunk and had sex with another girl, I felt sick when I went home that night. I have spent 4 months pondering over what had happened, I couldnt take the feelings I had so last night I told my wife what I had done, I love her so much and just feel like crying all the time, we had only been married for 7 months when it happened and im only 23 but I know I would never go with any other person, she said that she would forgive me after an emotional night, I know ive hurt her badly, do things get better? Should we go to councelling? If anyone could give me some type of support to help me and my wife through this bad time in laife I would really appreciate it!
202330
I feel sorry for you and your wife. The male hormones forces you to think from your .... Well it's too late to ask why you couldn't stay faithful, so I would suggest that you get counseling. Also stay away from friends who push you into adultery. One thing I can tell it will take a long time for both of you to get over. It will always be there, but marriages have survived and thrived on worse. Take care and hope things resolve.
549774
that's really horrible and I'm so sorry for your hurting. It will take you a while to get ovr this so just be patient with yourself. cry it out and then cry some more. tell everyone how you feel and get it out. then start making your self feel good. do things you know will make you feel good. do all the things you wished you'd done but couldn't because you were with him. get really fit and healthy. eat well and exercise. have beauty treatments and look fantastic...best revenge really and it will make your confidence go up again. go and visit friends..get away for a while if you can afford it. I'm sending you a big hug to get you started and really wishing you much good from the universe..you deserve it XX M
675876
I think you need to be honest with yourself and bring everything out in the open.There are reasons why you hurt so deeply,the only way to ever move past it is to go through it.The first thing you need to do is to know your worth,that yes things have happened in your life as they do us all some more than others.You have to take it as a learning experience it will only make you stronger in time,sometimes we can help others through our own trials,its not always easy you have to keep going though.Drinking and partying or any of these things you are doing its not healing your pain it wont its a bandaid.Get real ,loose the crutch,try to find positive people to surround yourself with,then you will see a positive outcome.If you really want things to change it will also help you to know that,God is always with you even when you are not with him,I hope that you can find the light to lead you out of such a dark place,I know its there I found it so can you,you just have to reach for it.May God keep watch after you.
507731
well....i feel bad to....she just needs some space....\nif i was there.i would help yall.....but u know...she is having a hard time because her two most important people in her life r getting divorced......she feels horrible......maybe when things cool down....she'll probably be nicer again next time.she just doesnt want to make u feel bad because of her.......thats probably y she hasnt told u anything.......i hope things go well...\n\nI hope this works. :)
2879
First......I think you just did say you were sorry to her for being a boneheaded idiot. The first step is finally realizing what she was trying ot say to you. I have a feeling you realized this......just a tad late. The key is now letting your wife know that you understand. I have a feeling that she felt you spent more time on your bike than with her. Perhaps you were truly caring for this bike......pampering it.......polishing it........tinkering with it..........all while she had to look on. Now that you realize that the bike was dispensable.....make sure you show her that she is not. Care for her.....pamper her......tinker with her.......polish up the marriage. Flowers do nothing.....trust me. Actions......mean everything. Spend time being "present." Stalk her in the most fun loving ways you can imagine. Let her see that you can't stop thinking of her........that you need her........and nothing else will ever come between you two again. (she so needs to know this!)\n\nI so hope you are ok after the accident. I have a feeling that was another issue. She loves you so much and couldn't stand to stand back and wait for you to get hurt. Assure her you won't put yourself in any danger at the risk of losing her. (ok was that too mushy? That might have been too mushy.....aahhh but try it anyway.....what'll it hurt. *wink*) \n\nGood luck......I'll be rooting for ya!!
74730
just be there for you. keep the lines of commucation open and keep reassuring her you love her very much. right now she is feeling really bad and needs your support. help her find a new job. go to her place and make supper for her. and encourage her to seek to talk to a professional and go along with her for support.. i must say truely you are a good man to forgive her like for having an affair. that says alot about you and i see that you must have truely changed..ps also be very patient with her coze this is a very trying time for her ok.. best of luck to both of you.
229165
Well if it was just part one of your question and things were great now and life felt good for you then I would have said let it go...however now that you are seeing him IM somebody and asking her to go to a game,etc and you didn't even know about it nor were you asked? I feel that whatever is going on, within your marriage, isn't heading for anything good. I think there are issues either from the past or in the present that need to be talked about.If you guys can take the time, to talk about them and how it makes you feel, etc, do it NOW! If you can't, and you need an objective third party, go and get counseling and keep working at it. However, do something now before it's too late!!! I will say a prayer for you both!!! Good luck!
592890
Your situation sounds very similar to my life story.  My wife and I got married very young, and I was not always very nice to her.  I drank a lot, and though I never physically abused her, I did emotionally.\n   She ended up becoming distant and looking for emotional relief in other men.  Never physical, but emotional hurts just as much.  I ended up meeting a woman, straying, and falling for her and it almost destroyed my life.\n   My wife and I go to counseling, which I suggest for you, and are working extremely hard to repair our marriage.  We are doing a good job, and things in many ways are better than ever, but there is still work for both of us to do.  In the end, ideally, we will have both grown stronger and love each other all the more because of all we have been though with each other.\n   This man is probably more of an infatuation than love because you are feeling things that you have missed.  Devote yourself to your husband, and him to you and remake better than before the love you had.\n   Get counseling, work it out.  Find you flame again.  If this does not work, than the only option left is to divorce, but this should be your last option, not your only option.\n\nGood luck.
244760
I am so sorry about your PPD.  It's rough.  Do not, for one instant, allow yourself to think that you are at fault.  When something happens to one of you, it happens to both.  You are supposed to be "ONE".  He abandoned you in your time of need - he should have backed you up and been there.  He wasn't.  He went for the easy out and that's not what you deserve.  I don't want to get all religious on you, but here goes:  A man is supposed to treat his bride (his wife) like Christ treats His church.  Do you feel that you were given that?  Is he true to his vows or is he just out for himself?  I would suggest that you get therapy - either with or without him.  Preferably with.  But I know that it's not also possible with finances and insurance these days.  But sometimes you can find someone to help you sort it all out that won't cost an arm and a leg. \n\nJust think about this:  Your son/daughter will see how you are treated.  They will probably (not always) go on to treat their spouse the same way.  Do you want to continue this cycle or break it?  Do you want better for your child?\n\nI am so sorry that you had to go through PPD and had to do it alone - because face it...you were deserted.  \n\nAn affair is an affair is an affair- whether emotional or physical.  The time and consideration he gave this other woman should have gone to you in your time of need.
326951
I feel sorry for you.My advice is, identify the reason why she did it,also ask your self I am faithful and am I the person who she feels comfortable and secure?After you answer these questions, you can decide.If there is any weakness on your side,(I am not talking about the sexual thing) you better forgive her from the bottom of your heart and leave peacefully.
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
582404
Wow.  I did read your blog and cried for you.  \n\nDon't listen to Meezerz.  It's not that she's bad, she's just misinformed and speaking from her fear.\n\nYour fear is the least likely part of you to tell the truth.  Fear is too biased to know the truth.\n\nI don't think you're nuts at all.  I think you have had that scenario playing in your mind in some form ever since it happened six years ago.\n\nI'm so thankful that you are in therapy and that you are giving the voices in your head a voice in therapy.  There's an odd sort of safety in blaming yourself.  But in the end, it's not as safe as it looks.  It ends up hurting you more.\n\nWhatever control is to be gained by assuming responsibility for something you could not control is not worth the guilt and the shame and the lie you are forced to live.\n\nThough he took the place your first lover should have, he was in no way a lover.  He was a disrespectful, sub-human, bully.  Don't put him and any form of the word love together if you can help it.\n\nIn the future, the man who really loves you, really will love you for the first time.  No matter what this experience took from you, or caused you to do in reaction, when you are free from the baggage this experience has thrust upon you, you will be free to love for the first time.  \n\nYou continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
592633
Firstly must say you seem like a very special man. Secondary I shall say that it is time that you concentrate on yourself a bit more (to be able to move forward)\n\nBe respectful, always reliable, helpful, be understanding, be her shoulder to cry on (life is funny.. but wheel turns). But at the same time give her space at this time as you don’t want to loose her.\n\nI had a friend who his wife left him for another man. They have two kids together. He was always there for her (but had other girlfriend but did not commit 100%: in fact I was one J ). If she was sick, or needed something, or pick their kids up: he was always there, kept nice contact with ex-in laws because of the kids.. She went back to him when she was in trouble. He let her. He let her leave him again for yet another man (even married) He was her friend, warned her about the guy who ended up to be an abuser. She left this guy in the end, she matured, and they now together (but he did not remarry), He is now 48, his wife 8 year younger. He married he as she was only 19.\n\n*******************************\nJust remember:\n*******************************\n\nForming a relationship with your ex is entirely separate from the process of ending a marriage; if you work through the process to achieve your "emotional divorce," you can cultivate something entirely new. Your old relationship is over; take the steps to heal so that you can invest your energy elsewhere.\n\nGood luck.\n\nps meant to say: and you get a new hobby and have fun with other people as soon you will feel better and might make new friends and will not feel lonely. The reason why we LOVe or MISS people is beuase we miss that comunication. Once you communicate with others it will be better for you. And who knows, maybe your ex -wife seeing how popular and outgoing you are might ant to herself be your friend asap.........  show her your new side that she did not see before :-)
611238
Well girl I have to commend you on your patience and understanding of his illness.  It takes a Strong person emotionally to be able to stand by him through all of this.  But now that it is all said and done and he is still treating you like crap.  That should tell you some thing.  I won't tell you to stay or leave.  You will have to decide that for your self.  As my mother told me once, life is to short for one or both to live it being miserable.  And she was a firm believer in marriage, you take the good with the bad.  But when one is hurting the other so bad that it is killing them inside it's time to make a decision.  And yes God will forgive you if you leave.  He is a forgiving and loving God.   He understands what you have been through.  Pray for guidance.  God did not put us here to be a door Matt for abuse.  You have a right to be happy.  And I can see that your night.  You need to do what is right for you.  It will take time for the wounds to heal. But as long as you are with him they will never heal.  Things will just get worse.  Good luck do what is right for you.
412643
wow!  I have been married to my husband for 9 years this January.  We have overcome some horrible conditions.  I do not want to go into detail here online.  However, I love my husband despite the things we have been thru.  Infidelity was not one of the issues, but we were involuntarily separated for 3yrs 8 mos.  We have been thru things with our ex's...just about anything that could go wrong has...Now, we are best friends and know each other inside and out.  Trauma brought us closer...it is often not that way in marriages.  We're blessed that way..I had to spend Thanksgiving alone again this year...but we will get thru this.  So, the answer is yes.  Despite everything and everyone, if you want to overcome, you will.
102272
wow thats scary,this just happen to me lastnight,but me and her have only been together for 2 months,i feel like my heart has been torn out and burn until there were no ashes left,it really help,i really just feel like dieing rightnow,for you,don't feel that way,please.it will get better,it's just going to take time and you never know in the future yall will get back together, when yall are closer,you know whats scary,this all happen to me the same way,and you should pray,you never know what will happen when you pray,and if you do pray and it doesn't seem like you prayer is comeing true,don't lose hope
596126
I'm not sure if I'll be a big help in this, but here's what I know...\n\nMy Husband told me that Hate works 24/7 and it can never leave a person's heart and soul, to Forgive, Forget and Move on is a lot harder to do than anything else. He told me, "If you'll stay hatefull and unforgiving you won't be the same person anymore, because as simple as hating someone or something takes everything out of you making you harshes and meaner to the world around you. When someone spends a long time hating, they might loose the grip with the reality and what's important to them... and in the end they might never be able to come back to the way they used to be: sweet, kind, and forgiving" ... I knew what he meant when he told me that, I just personally had a hard time to doing that since I had my own private reasons for the hate, revenge and being mean. I thought I had every good God-given reason to stay that way without even thinking of consequences. In my thinking, I thought, "Why on this God-green-Earth I should even consider to forgive a guy (of all people!) who raped me when I was little?! Why can't anyone see what I mean?" In truth, my Husband was the only and the first person to open-up my eyes to everything. He was able to understand and see everything the way it was needed to assist me in recovery through this whole mess. He helped me and guided me to the firmer ground knowing fully well that it'll take probably a long time for me to come back to "normal" or at least to the way I wish I was...\n\nYou know, one day was an eye-oppener for me... In the evening, before going to bed, when I was washing my face, I took a glimpse in the mirror... I thought I'll scream... I didn't expect to see the face that was looking back at me. I knew it was me, but I just couldn't recognise myself... no anymore, at least. I've spent so many months and years hating someone I didn't quite remember and for what they've done that every possible negative emotion that I could possibly have... I could see it as plain as daylight written on my face. I looked cold, harsh, mean and completely uncaring towards anything or anyone. It was something I didn't expect and I hope will never see. I never thought that all the negative emotions will change me so drastically and deteriorate the way I looked on the outside... He didn't see anything on my face even though I was afraid to ask. I thought I'd give him a heart attack not only with that question but also acting like a scared cat... That night, being in my Husband's arms it felt so safe (just like always), but for some reason it dawned on me that maybe I didn't deserve him in any way because of the what was going on and how everything turned out to be. Remembering and knowing in my heart that he loved me, that he'll always be here no matter what and he'll never judge, criticise, ignore or leave me in any way, shape, or form... It has made all the difference in the world to me. That same night I just thought to myself, "Whoever you are I forgive you with all of my heart and soul for what you have done, and I sencirely hope you'll never do something like this ever again to anyone else." I meant every word... I don't know why but I felt so light, as if a big weight and burden was lifted off of my shoulders. That night was one of the most peaceful and restfull nights I've had in a long time. My heart didn't feel like it had to work over-time just to calm me down and my whole being started to heal. It took me about 2 months to start and heal if not completely, but at least be on the way to recovery. I know, there wll still be moments when I'll remember the past as if it only happened yesterday. It'll be just that a memory of that day and nothing more. Forgiving him actually took out the sting from the event and was like a healling herb that my heart and soul needed so ba