We met at work last year and became really good friends. we both were in relationships that basically were falling apart. His is still going on while mine recently ended after six years. I have become someone I never wanted to be .."the other woman" I can't help but be with him. He makes me feel good he has given me a friendship I haven't had in a long time. But I am tired of having to wait till he calls me or till he tells me that it's ok to meet. I wanted to end it soo many times but I'm just weak and I can't help it. He keeps telling me that he wants to be with me but he is waiting until she gets a job so that she doesn't have to be on the street and then he'll tell her that it's over. What should I do?
201622
Obviously he satisfy your emotional needs, and you probably does the same for him, by way of comfort i mean. He still is with the "other" young lady which could mean that he thinks there is hope, or he's waiting until she's financially stable to let her go. Some guys can care for a young lady so much that her well being really does matter.\n\nThe question to you is, why are you still in this 'relationship" with the fella? It could be that you see something meaningful as a possiblity between you two. If that's the case, and you really think it's worth hanging in there, then by all means stay. But while patience is a virtue, procrastination is bad for you. Not that you are procrastinating, however you may wanna weight the positives and negatives and give them a good review  before you make a decision. Love has many ways of coming at you. But only one way is the best outcome.\n\nIt's really up to you to decide what's the best to do at this point so that you can avoid any complications, and drama. heaven knows we all got enough drama in our lives already. Who really needs more?:)\n\nBest of wishes to you...
666415
Neither of you are ready for any contact between each other.\n\nYou have already answered your own question:\n\n"To tell you the truth, I don't want to be friends with you. You hurt me and I'm past that now. It's not that I hate you, it's just that I don't want to be around when you start dating again.  Please let us go."
445287
Leave things alone and let it work itself out. You haven't done anything so if you start trying to fix it then it's only going to make you look even more guilty. He'll learn in time that you never did any of the things she said and he'll have to be the one to find a way to make it up to you. Let him see that your a stronger person then what she is making you out to be. and he will respect you more for it. I would just let him know that your not guilty but your not going to start trying to prove it to him either, and that he'll have to work it out himself. If you start having to prove things to someone you will be having to prove things to them from now on. If his going to believe you then let nature take its course. As for her why are you even friends with her. Dump her and if you do date her ex so what, that's why his her ex.
72711
You are messing around for 2 years and he doesn't want to mess up the friendship???  LORD give me a burst of patience!!! Honey, why should he change anything?? He is getting what he wants NOW!  If you are smart, you will stop the 'messing around' and tell him he has to make up his mind what he wants.  If he wants a friendship, fine.. but no benefits...  you deserve a whole lot better than that..  If he wants the benefits, that's fine, too.. but the relationship changes.. you are boyfriend/girlfriend.. or else. YOU have to lay down the law.. DON'T let him get by with this crap.. stand up for yourself.. have self respect!  DON'T let him use you this way.  Good luck.
532532
You know I've been in this same situation. It's really hard to deal with if you guys are so close. I just let my friend be and went to hang out with other people. I would call her and invite her places but she always turned me down because she had already made plans with her new man. This went on for about three months. When she called one day I told her. I'm not mad at you anymore but I would like for you to know that what you did really hurt me. We had been friends for five years and this guy comes and now you act like I don't exist. She apologized and we started hanging out again. Some people just get caught up in situations and forget about the feelings of others. You just have to put yourself in her shoes. If you were in a new relationship you might do the same thing to her. It's something new and right at this time you're just caught up in it. As long as you talk to her and tell her how you feel about it she should make it a point to try and share her time between the two of you. If she just blows you off then she wasn't a good friend to begin with and you'd be better off finding someone who cares about you and what your feelings are. Good luck with it. I hope she comes around.
356924
i think it's great that you have someone like that in your life!\n\nyou should start spending as much time with him as possible(keep him close to you) and when the time is right you should tell him what has been going on in your life and that you need someone right now.  you need him not because you got a divorce but because you realize that this guy might end up being something really special to you.  you should just let him know how you feel.  let him know that you are starting to care about him in a way other than how you used to. \n\nyou just need to brave it out.  the worst case scenario is that you have a friend for life. what more could you ask for?
351197
Tell him that he needs to go explore the feelings he has for your friend and that you don't want to be around during that process. In the meantime, do things that make you happy. He may find that the grass is not greener on the other side and by that time you may find that you're happier without him.\nIf he has feelings for your friend then his feelings for you can't be too strong at this point. Sorry... and good luck.\nP.S. making yourself available to a person who has thoughts of being with someone else is showing him that you don't respect yourself.
416039
Yeah darlin' it sounds like you're feelings are stronger than his at this point, sorry.From his point: I think it's hard to be best friends w/ a member of the opposite sex when you're  involved with someone. He may feel like he's betraying her. She may be putting some sort of pressure or negative input. \nAbout you  feeling "used" when he comes back after their break up... (which BTW their future break up is 99.9% probabable, statistically)..though I do see your point,  if you understand human nature, and as you get older you'll see this same thing again and again, very common, because people change, life is change. Change can be difficult, especially in relationships. \nNow as for numbering your friends in a ranking system, and should you call him this lable or that lable... I think once you guys can get past that "disastrous system" and began to see all the people that you really enjoy being around as your "closest friends" without the number/lable system, I believe there will be a lot less hurt feelings and heartache between all of you. Not saying we didn't do the same exact thing when I was your age,and it sucked being  #2,3 or 4 then, just as it does now. But since I did survive my teen years, I want to share that with you! My advice to you is to be the best friend that you feel comfortable with being to him, and her, without crossing the boundaries and getting into their "relationship space". He's your friend, she's your friend until either of them stops being what you consider to be a friend, at which time they are no longer a friend...\nMeanwhile use YOUR energy on YOU not him!  Good luck girl...
290616
I understand that you’ve broken up with him, though I guess you can still be a friend...as in friend....especially when he needs help.\n\nPlace yourself in his shoes. He's just another person with emotions and currently is looking for your support and help. Do help him though clearly underline that your support will not go beyond what’s called for in a friendship.\n\nYou can also tell you current BF of your intentions just so that he doesn’t build any wrong notions in his mind about your relationship with your EX.\n\nTake care.
620822
I think I figured out what u are saying!\n\nI think you are a very good friend for trying to help your friend through this.  It sounds serious so she may need to go and talk to a counsellor about it.  The counsellor will help her and whatever is said will be confidential.\n\nIf the woman is married and the man is also married, its just asking for problems.  The best thing for her to do is to sit down and evaluate how important her marriage is to her and how important the other man is. \n\nIf she decides she dosnt want anything to do with the other man, then she should change her phone number and move away from him.  She should make it impossible for him to contact her.  It will be hard but she will have you for support and also a counsellor (if she chooses to talk to one).\n\nEither way, she needs to decide what she wants, she cant go on like this, its not only affecting her and making her depressed but its upsetting you too as her friend.\n\nDont tell her what to do, because its her life and she has to suffer the consequences.  Just try and be there for her and be her friend no matter what she decides.  \n\nI hope it all works out well in the end
409086
At the end of the day, you have to put yourself first. That can be easier said than done, but you do yourself no favours by staying in a relationship that causes you unhappiness. When you do eventually walk away, you will soon realise that it was a good decision, and you will feel better for it. In fact, you will wonder why you did not do it before. No good person wants to break a relationship, but no bad relationship is worth the suffering of a good person. It is your goodness that he is exploiting, but he probably does it unknowingly, because he is not well. I imagine that he needs help, but professional help, and that there is nothing that he will let you do for him. Maybe your departure will alert him to his defects. Let's hope so.
489968
Break off all contact and give it up totally.  Otherwise you will be on a rollercoaster ride until something really snaps.  Right now you both are just feeding into a limbo loop.  I had a relationship that went 8 years like that, dating, engaged, friends, dating, engaged, friends, dating... and even when I finally said I was leaving for good, I continued to get calls and emails and even a visit to my door.  I stayed firm, though, and that was that.\n\nAs it is, it took me a couple of years before I really even thought about another relationship, and it was with somebody who had been through a similar meat grinder, so much so that both of us would regularly announce that we were just friends and would never, ever date.  We finally gave up on that and have been together since, 8 1/2 years.
342106
Since he has admitted to you that he has slept over at his ex-girlfriend's house, and since he has not changed his yahoo profile (not even after you have reminded him)... I think you should wait till he changes the profile, and wait to see if he mentions not sleeping over at his ex-girlfriend's house anymore, before agreeing to be his new girlfriend.\n\n Also... if you feel it is best to wait till you meet him, before agreeing to be his girlfriend, then you should definitly continue to insist that it is the only way you will do it.\n\nYou and your wishes/needs are important... so, if he does not agree to do it the way you need him to do it, then it would mean that he is going to do what he wants to do, and that you do not matter to him enough, that he would fiulfill your important needs.\n\nIn successful, caring/loving relationships... the needs/wishes of a partner DO matter (ARE important)... because each partner is VERY important to the other partner.\n\nWhat it all comes down to is>>> if he really wants you to be his girlfriend... he obviously needs to first be your boy-"friend"...friends certainly do care about one another's needs/wishes.\n\nI think you are already dealing with the situation in a wise way... don't let him push you into making the decision of being his girlfriend, till YOU are ready to do it.\n\nIf you give in to him about it before you are ready, then he may expect you to give him his way about other things that are against your wishes... just remember>>> YOU MATTER.
538914
He sounds like in actuality he's probably seeing someone else or something triggered his reaction.  Its best that you don't rely on him for answers.  Who cares if he doesn't "give" you closure.  You go ahead and take it.  You tell him how it is.  Tell him that he hurt your feelings and that anyone who truely loved you wouldn't do that.  Tell him that you don't think you can be his friend anymore and then you need to stick to your word.  Go out with some friends and try to get over him.  Don't wait around for him because what he's doing is manipulative and cruel.  All you'd be doing is the exact same thing he's doing to you.  Women tend to allow men to take the action in the relationship and its to our own detriment.  Take control and you'll feel better in the end.  Granted, you're going to be sad for awhile, but just delete him from your immediate circle of availability.
209020
since you have been a couple for two years I think you owe him the courtesy of telling him that you want to part company.  I don't think you need to be cruel and say you found someone else all ready, if it is not necessary.  The relationship is stale and nothing is more demeaning to both parties, than just keeping someone around because they are comfortable, and better than no date, or cowardice of the stating former.  Not only should you want more for yourself, you should respect him enough to want more for him.
260391
Yes he should consider how you feel.  Break away for now and maybe in a few months or years you 2 can become friends.  You want someone to treat you with kindness and respect and do not take anything less.  Good luck.
613305
Honey, you already admitted that the relationship was hard to handle. It's time to let it go. Perhaps you're annoyed that it wasn't you who ended it; or more probably that you were so easily replaced. Let it go. It's time for it to end and both of you need to get on with your lives.