I broke up with my ex about a year ago and now it seems he wants to be a part of my life again. Is it possible for him to finally decide what he wants to do with his life at the ripe age of 23 or are some people just doomed to a static state in life? How hard is it to quit your friends thta you love but just bring you down with their lack of potential and drug abusing ways?
215507
I must agree with the post above me because you can change behaviour but not the characteristics because it is too hard for them
237164
I hear ya hunny. The same thing happened to me nearly 4 years ago. When we broke up I took him off my aim list and didn't talk to him for about a year because it was just too hard. He also started seeing someone about a month after we broke up and he is still with her. It does get easier but it is a very very slow process. You just gotta build up talking in general before you can start talking as best friends again. It was just last year that we could start talking like buds again. If he was your first love you may never get over him but eventually you will have to put that behind you if you want your friendship back.\n\nJust try and give it some time, Best Wishes!
110731
You are not alone! If any one has gamble in love, then, at one time or another they too, were in this situation.  A few weeks ago I seen a segment on TV about a woman who actually makes her living helping others that have broke up from their mates. This is how devastating a breakup can be.  The first thing she did was make sure the person did not become a couch or bed potato.  She said you have to get back into the world as soon as possible.  I realize that you are more concerned about the daily thing, and seeing him all the time.  Just, get up every morning, always fix yourself up and dress 'hot'.  Lean on your friends when you have to see him or be in the same class with him. Everyone has that one friend that makes you laugh alot, you need her now more than ever. Continue your life as close to normal as possible. Scope out someone else that you might be interested in dating and start conversations with him. You may not be ready, but get ready. Your X will see that your life has not stopped because he walked out. And by moving forward and keeping a good appearance and attitude, he will definitely take notice. I don't if you want him back or not, but moving on to another relation ship always makes the other one feel rejected and if someone else wants you, so does Mr X. You got the power..now, GO GIRL!!!
262335
I think you're going to have to let this guy call the shots unfortunately. The person who did the breaking up is the person who really has to decide whether or not they see something they didn't see before or just want to give it another try. If you really want to be with him then you might want to bring the subject up in a serious way and let him know that no matter what he says or feels it doesn't have to change anything between you. You could just say something like "You know we've been friends so long and really still get along so well, I've thought about whether we should try again. What do you think?" If he says he's not interested then just back off and continue the friendship. It's more important to keep that in tact especially since you have been friends this long.
362057
your situation mirrors mine!  when i met my now husband i was 23 and a party girl from hell.  we dated for a while then i moved in with him.  during the whole dating episode, it occurred to me that my partying lifestyle is not one to support a strong marriage.  so after a few small fights, we broke up and i took that time to cleanup, ween myself off the party atmosphere and make the decision of a life of bliss or all the alcohol and sex i wanted and end up being miserable and addicted.  seems like an easy decision, bu it wasn't.  luckily, with the assistance of prayer, i chose to be with the man i love and have fun but doing the things we both truly love to do.  i don't regret a moment.  we love each other to death.  two nights ago we just celebrated out 1st anniversary and he left me a note on the fridge saying that he fell in love with me all over again the other night!  i can only pray that you and the girl you are going to marry are as happy as we are.  \ngood luck!
15005
I've done that in the past 3 years.  You need to find yourself again.  Me and my ex-wife split and I had a difficult time getting on my feet.  But I eventuly did and everything is great now.  I'm going back to college and trying to make my life better.  Maybe a little to prove I can.  It may take time but don't give up and always remember you are a great person and can do great things.
264601
I'm 41 single the past 7months and absolutely terrified of what life holds for me. I get your point about thinking single. Its not a "woman thing" or "man thing". I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone but I'm terrified of another relationship and going through it all again. Though my ex doesn't seem to have that problem. I was replaced after 2.5months. I don't think I know how to think single anymore and being a mum makes it harder because you cannot think of yourself. So yeah I know exactly what your saying.
305699
That's a real tough one. And millions of others have been through the same thing. I am not going to lie to you and say it'll be easy, especially since you work with him. It's a process that you have to go through taking one day at a time. I think it's a pretty sure bet that if you got back together that the same thing would happen again.You may love him but he has to find his way back to you if and when he realizes that it's you he really wants to be with. So as hard as it is, let him work things out for himself. If you have close friends or relatives spend some time with them and if you have interests then try to keep yourself busy without over doing it. It's hard, but I think a person has to learn to try to relax as much as possible in a situation and not allow depression to creep in and get a grip. Don't let obsessive thinking get the better of you. In a sense it is an opportunity for you to learn to enjoy just being alive and being your own person. Some men and women keep making the same mistake bcause they either let someone back when it's not wise because they love them and are lonely, or they get involved with someone new, too soon, and the cycle repeats itself. Like I said, don't fixate on it, but try to enjoy each day as much as you can. You will have down times, but over time you can and will recover and you may discover a brand new life for yourself. So allow yourself to grieve a little but let yourself have hope for your future too.
80924
To me if the break-up was that bad, you wouldn't even be this close to getting the option of getting back together. Anything is possible and in almost 2 years people change a lot. What's so wrong with getting to know who you are now? Don't think of it as getting back together. If you didn't have a past with him, would you still want to get to know this guy right now?
83307
The hardest thing about giving up drug use is that you must give up all those that use drugs to be successful. There is no alternative to this, trust me. I commend you on choosing a better path for yourself (even if it took a legal action to push you in the right direction ;) ). You should be proud of yourself for making the right choice. On the boyfriend issue, and I'm afraid, any other friends that are users...if they are not giving it up, then your relationship with them has come to an end. It will never be possible for you to live a life with these people without going back to using yourself. At the same time, they will not want to have you around as someone that does not join them. Eventually resentment and paranoia will set in and you will have wasted a lot more of your life. Move on, leave the users behind, some day they may catch up with you again on a sober rode, but many will never leave it and it will be the end of them on some level or another. Its a tough thing to do to start over with new friends and intimate relationships, but you can do it, just like those of us who have made it too. \n\nGood Luck to you.
87117
With my ex, we were not married, but we were together for awhile - he was everything to me at first. I was 14 and he was 17, I ran away from home a lot and got messed up with my friends and eventually I ran into Drew. He worked in music and already made himself very successful at his young age so when he asked me out I was speechless. He had a gorgeous smile and the perfect body, after a few months of complete bliss I moved into his house. It was nice living independently when I was only 14. Not long after that he started getting jealous around some of my male friends and a few times grabbed my arm and dragged me to a private place where he could speak down to me but then start kissing me. Within that following year he began drinking heavily and the abuse got worse. I ended up in the hospital a couple times. I would try to leave but he'd always find a way back to me. It finally ended when he was arressted for attempted murder (amongst other charges), because he had an array of doctors in his defense he was sentenced to five years in a state hospital and probation. I know he did not try to kill me because he very easily could have if he wanted too. He got off on torturing me. I was unconscious for three days, I had four broken ribs, both wrists were fractured, a twisted ankle, I was on a ventilator for awhile because I couldn't breath from the swelling of my throat when he repeatedly choked me until I passed out, as well as multiple cuts and bruises. I also suffered a miscarriage, which is what hurt me the most.  This happened one week after my 16th birthday. I at least learned how to take care of myself and I don't hesitate to fight back.
392110
time really is the only solution..........ive had breakups not wanted and only after time has the pain and desire mitigated.........hang in there..........great people will come into ur life and u'll find better.
253346
I'm happy to hear that you've moved on with life, but maybe you have to ask yourself what do you want for yourself as well as in a man, but mainly focus on yourself now...after five years (well almost), just think of what's good for you and what you will/won't tolerate from anyone!
125249
It takes time.  I'm still not over my ex and that was 7 years ago.  I know that doesn't sound promising, but that isn't what life is about.  You learn to deal.  As time goes by it gets easier.  If you really love someone they will always hold a special place in your heart, even 50 years down the road.  Don't try to get over it.  Cry, listen to sad music, wear pj pants, and eat ice cream.  Everyone needs to wallow.  Eventually you will want to start living again and be happy and you will. Don't try to be friends though.  When things are that serious and one still has feelings and you try to "just be friends", the one with the feeling, you, will always get hurt in the end.  You'll realize it's not enough and you'll never heal that way.  Just remember not to shut love out because of one jerk.  Life is too long to live it alone and lonely.
353827
My husband of 5 years.Left several months ago.I was with him since i was 15, So, to say i was devastated is an understatement!\n\nFirst of all, Friends like you are priceless during such a difficult time such as this.She may not see that right now because she is consumed by grief.But, she will eventually!!\nMy best advice for you to help her is,Dont let her spend soo much free time alone.Make sure she is getting out everyday and continuing the routine of her daily life!! As for "going out" make sure you try to have a girls night as often as possible, the more she gets out there, the more she will realize that there is life after a break-up.\nMake sure, that you are a good sounding board to her.Regardless if she repeats herself over and over.I know it can be annyoing, but let her get it out!! Not only would it be theraputic she may even be able to work out the problem and let go. good luck
451840
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR OPINIONS YOU MUST HAVE RESERVATIONS.  I WAS IN A 2 MO. RELATIONSHIP AND WE MOVED IN TOGETHER, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, BUT WE WERE READY.  WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED WITH NO CHILDREN.  I HAD MOVED FROM NY AND HE LIVED ON MY BLOCK, WE BEFRIENDED EACH OTHER AND CLICKED, FRIENDS FIRST SEEMS TO WORK.  YES, I KNEW IT WAS SO FAST, BUT I CONSIDERED HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM AND FIGURED THAT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY ARISES GO FOR IT, THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.  IF IT DOES NOT WORK, I KNOW THAT I MADE AN ATTEMPT.  I FIGURED LIFE IS SHORT, IF I DONT DO IT, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF.  GOOD LUCK!
409056
I know exactly what you're going through.  There's no advice that anyone can give you to get you through this, which makes it so much harder.  And I think you're doing the right thing by acting happy and like you're fine.  You don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve.  That's only for your closest of friends to know - and that's what they're there for.  You need to continue your life without him as hard as that is.  \n\nIf you know there's 0 chance of getting him back, just realize that that's the reality.  You're probably beating yourself up trying to figure out how to win him back, but reality hits hard and you just need to accept it.  You have to be happy for him if he's happy and just know that you did what you could and you can't do anymore.  \n\nSomeone once told me that guys always realize what they've done wrong when they're older and wiser, but they'll never admit to it.  Just continue with your life the way you are and cry when you need to.  If you live day to day with a sad face, it' s not going to help your situation any more.  It's not going to bring him back, not going to make you happier, not going to change anything.  \n\nTime is the only healer.  I think about my ex all the time.  He won't return any of my calls or talk to me.  So I just leave him messages telling him I'm thinking of him and if he needs anything I'll be there.  But I still don't hear from him.  So slowly, I'm letting go.  I know it's already been 4 months.  But I've known people that it's taken them a year or more to get over someone.  \n\nMaybe it just wasn't in the stars for the both of you to be together.  Take what you've learned in the relationship and only remember the good things.  I'm sure he's a wonderful guy, but that doesn't mean you'll find someone more wonderful who will make that committment to you and stick with it.  Don't rush into another relationship because you know you're still not over him.  Be honest with yourself.  That's fine if you think about him all the time - you really love him.  \n\nBut if you really love someone, let it go.  If it comes back to you it's meant to be.  And in this case, since he's moved on, it just wasn't meant to be.  I'm sorry.  I definitely know break-ups are not easy, but don't forget to continue respecting yourself.  You're not alone...