Saturday we had to put 16 yrs of "stuff" into storage due to major construction on our house. My husband had an appointment in the morning and could not help with the move, I did all the smaller stuff.  When he got back he helped move 2 dressers, 3 mattress sets and 2 couches, once this was done he went bike shopping with his buddy, leaving everything else for me to do.  Including having to take care of 4 kids, and clear everything for the work crew to come in on Monday. Was he being selfish?  Or was I being too demanding expecting him to help, even if I could have done everything without him??
209674
YES, HE WAS BEING SELFISH!!!.When it comes to home improvements,moving,ANY THING TO DO WITH THE CONSTRUCTION or change of your home YOUR HUSBAND Should be there (That is consider family moment- there is actually going to be a change in the house). Bike shopping is not more important then helping you with the house for your children. It also,make me look at his friend!!!\n\nThis is what a decent friend would say " hey, I KNOW YA'LL GUYS WILL BE BUSY THIS WEEK" How about we go bike shopping next week once everything at your home is complete?"\n\nIt sounds like he wasn't thinking or he just want to get out of the house!!! he should have asked you is there any thing else that you may have needed before he ran out. this may sound miner to others but moves, re-construction of a home or anything pertaining to the change of living space for you/husband and children. Is a big deal to me and that everyone in the family participate and work together that is called supporting each other and strengthening the family bond.
79351
Ooooo. Sounds like a familiar situation...\n\nFirst- This shouldn't be about right or wrong. That just makes people defensive and nothing comes out of it. \n\n\nYou do a lot and he needs to recognize that. \nHe needs to pitch in more and at least not depend on you to cook all the time. \n\nMy wife and I just had our first baby. We are both exhausted because we take shifts to feed the baby. Sometimes I have more energy and I cook or do some cleaning or vice versa. But marriage and kids is all about team work. You guys are in this together. \n\n\nPerhaps you need to approach this in a way that doesn't make him defensive. (if that is possible.) You want to make him see your point of view without him feeling like he needs to justify his actions. \n\nOwn your feelings. Tell him that you are too tired to cook, or say you need his help with something specific because you are worn out. Mention the part about being a team. \n\nBut make sure you let him know you do appreciate him to. Guys need that and we like to be able to help and feel needed. Using those words might get more action out of your hubby.\n\nEffective communication will help you through.
158288
I don't think its all about you being a strong person. With love comes sacrifices and apparently your husband is not sacrificing for you if all he wants to do is work. He has to be willing to work on things from his standpoint also.
302411
If you live 3 states away, daily communication is unreasonable under the best of circumstances. This is probably wearing him down emotionally. I know that I get completely overwhelmed at times, especially by relationship issues, and just shut down. It doesn't mean I don't care; it just means I'm overwhelmed.
637692
I guess you have already tried talking to him. What does he think is "ridiculous", you wanting him to help? I can only tell you what I would do. I would sit him down and tell him " As long as we BOTH have to work two jobs, I am not going to be the only one taking care of everything around the house. If you want a housewife, then you need to support one. Otherwise, we share the chores just like we share the bills". If he cannot see the logic in that, I would be considering leaving. There is no way I would allow myself to be treated that way.
381956
I'm not sure what exactly to tell you but i definitely think he shouldn't blame everything on you. Sure, being married means you might go through financially difficulties but you are suppose to go through things like that together. And since he gave you the ok that you needed, he is just as much responsible as you are.\nI bet you have already talked to him, right? Because everytime somebody posts a question there's always somebody that says "Talk to him". What did he say? It sounds like you are just accepting it the way it is. \nAnd yes, there's always a Saver and a Spender. I can say out of my marriage, i know i'm the spender and my hubby is the saver and i also know i'm the loud one and he's the shy one. But they say 'Opposites Attract'.\n\nAnyway, to come to an end...\nHe should have agreed that it was his fault, too. I think he is the one that made a mistake. You've admitted you would've done it different if you knew this would happen.\n\nI hope i helped you at least a little bit. Don't feel too guilty about it, remember, he gave you the ok about the money. I think he needs to think about what he said and that he never stopped you from getting the money for the remodeling.
474096
No, we don't argue about it anymore. When I got tired of doing it all by myself, I made a Housework chart. I listed the chores that had to be done daily,weekly, monthly and seasonably including the time it takes me to do them. After seeing it in black and white, how much I had to do after getting home, he ask what he could do to help. I let him pick the chores he wanted to do and added a few I thought he could handle. Now he's done them for the last 20 years. He doesn't do everything to my liking, so when he is not around I'll go into the corners he missed. It helps a lot,even if it isn't as well as if I had done it myself and I'll tell him ever so often how lucky I am to have a partner that helps out so much.
652041
You're joking, right? You are definitely not asking too much for your man to spend the little free time you both have without the kids together. Are you set on going out or could you perhaps "ramp" him into spending time together starting with an intimate evening at home? Next time you can remind him you two stayed in for him last time so it's his turn to accommodate your wishes.
356599
Girl, ur not alone on that boat! my man works 20 hours per day. I am serious, no weekends no dinner parties, except when we have to go visit his parents. He works even when he sleeps. He, like been dreaming about some new contracts and a trip to Zurich....one night he said: "please Mr. Gray, you can see our new presentation. It will be send to you frist thing tomorrow morning!" He was writing this thing for weeks......o gosh, I love to have some more time with my man but he works sooo much. You know what is the worst with us. He says he does this for US, so that in a few years I can stay at home taking care of our kids adn having a blue Martini by the pool. Good luck sista, you need to get in a language school, cooking class, yoga and a few more tings to keep yourself occupied. Or if he can afford it just get his visa card and go to shopping!!!!
381028
My husband used to be in the army so used to be away a lot, I tried to treat the time he was a way as time for me, and try to do things I wanted to do, evening classes, long pampering baths anything that is purely selfish that you don't usually have time to do.\n\nHe's no longer in the army but still works away occasionally, If we spend too much time together, especially when he works from home sometimes, it drives me mad, as I appreciate tme on my own as well as time with him.\n\nHe's been working from home for the last 3 weeks or so but is going on a course for a week tomorrow and much as I love him I can't wait, cos he's starting to get on my nerves, nothing major just a bit of treading on toes.\n\nI'll get loads done this week and feel much better in myself and closer to him too when he comes back.\n\nTreat Yourself, and think of it as ME time xx\n\np.s. we have been together 20yrs in all and it has always been a factor for us too, I guess it does get better, it did bother me more at first though
104489
After just being married, I'm sure that your mindset is that EVERYTHING should be together.  Seperate accounts is what he is used to at the moment.  This is all new for the both of you.  Give him a little time.  As time goes on, I am willing to bet the accounts will merge.  This is what happened to me.  I'm speaking from experience.  Don't push too much right now.  Lay low on this and see where it goes.
575240
I know the feeling! I work full time and my husband is disabled and home 24/7. He takes care of the housework (it may not be like I do it, but it's done & clean), laundry, cooks most nights and takes care of my 15 & 13 year olds. If they need to go somewhere, he takes them. My whole family blames him for us not having everything they do. I wish they could live in his body for one day and maybe then they'd understand. It works for us but it's not mainstream so everyone else thinks he's a freeloader. Sorry, I can sympathize with you, but I can't help.
325960
I feel you. I think he could have try harder if he wanted to. I know the excuse "i forgot" or I was going to do it relax" and you didnt see shit done. If it is going to be like that I feel you should move out and take a break let him know you are not happy at all and you are under a lot of stress. What will he do without you. He needs to appreciate the things you do as a mother and wife. You need a man not another child you have to take care of. You must feel really lonely and yearning for a man.Take a break and try to relax, go out with friends and take a deep breathe.Try not to overthink yourself cause you will go crazy. I know you have bills to pay but figure out how to get out of this rotation with him cause after awhile it gets pretty tiring. I hope nothing but the best for you and take it one step at a time.
148545
I think he might have left them there on purpose...why?Because he likes you and maybe feels insucure about himself,this is a way of knowing he'll see you again.Call him to say he left them at your place and ask if you can come over to bring them?
318198
Times have changed. Men no longer have to work and be the head of household. If this bothers you so much, why don't you talk it over with your wife? Maybe she doesn't realize that she is "in charge" so much. Some guys need that extra push or the reasurence that someone else will take care of it. Has your wife always been "stronger" than you, or did she just resently buff up? If she has always been like this, then you  knew about it before you said "I do." I am not stronger than my husband, but I do wear the pants. He knows this and he is ok with it. We do not think that he is "P.W." but he just needs someone to tell him and guide him in the right direction. If this doesn't bother you, then let it be. If it does, then just talk to her.
375967
Show him love...Even though you had to wait till you got home and had to heat up your dinner, it was very sweet and thoughtful of him to make you dinner.  I've done that for my wife, where she's come home late from work, and I've made her dinner, but she had to heat it up when she got home.  He loves you and I don't think he meant to upset you by not waiting till you got home to make you dinner.
416487
My husband and I have been in this situation for 6 years.  We have 2 sons, 6 & 2.  My advice is don't take each other for granted.  Even though I am at work all day does not mean I don't need time for myself.  Likewise, he should still be able to go out or pursue his own hobbies.  You need to watch each other for cues that the other is stressed out.  I try to do as much as I can to "help" on the weekends and in the evenings.  On the weekends, I run erands with the boys (post office, grocery store, etc) giving my hubby a little time to himself.  I also do most of the cooking on the weekends since he does it all week.  I try to get laundry and bills caught up (bill paying is my job).  He loves professional football, so during football season I make sure I occupy the boys so he can watch it at home or go out if he chooses.  It ain't easy! Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!!!!!