hey all, am a student and i have been in a relationship with a girl for the past 9 years. recently we decided to take some time out from each other to basically see if we are stable over time and is we really love each other so as to stick around forever.... i am confused as to what the imlications of such a relationship might be.......\nis it possible that i will never fall for anyone else ever again?\ni have been trying to date college mates since we split up but i find my self dis interested and half hearted ..\nthose with such experiences and also those with ideas on dealing with this please help..
209952
sounds like the girl you want is the girl you broke up with . tell her how you feel and that no one else will do you want her and only her. if she loves you to she will feel the same . good luck i hopeit all works out.
217041
open relationship isnt exactly a relationship of the caliber youa re describing. start with what a relationship is - you to your friend, a teacher, your pet. Everything you come in contact with has some sort of relationship to you, same as the partner you are in an open relationship with. In this situation, one member does not want to hold commitment to anyone, till they are sure they will be with that person for quite a while. go and have fun, and stop worrying about love so much, its nice but it will always happen again, if you put yourself out there.
179427
Oh? I have been in your sitution  before but, I got over it The incident happened to me 30 years ago and I never forget my experience.You only see him far away but you never have a long conversation with him.You just could not date another person.What can you do and you wish to hook up with him?Do you think that he has a wife already or he is a gay man.Do the school or college allow students dates  their teacher?.I do not think so and you might get him fired.Well I have been there and done that.As I recalled,I was 24 years old and I did not approach him and I was afraid that would cause his job so I moved on.It was very painful and I kept thinking about him.( he was single professor and very handsome)Finally,I graduated from my college and found a nice guy to marry.By the way, you should try to say hello and talk to him without reveal your feeling and see how he is.  You never know that you may change your mind about him and life goes on instead of being struck like me and I did not find out about him.
608486
Sad to hear this. I know the feeling of giving your all to that one girl you truly love. I believe you that it is far more than sex...it's love and companionship. It's that wonderful feeling that you have when you're with her whether in silence or not. The sad part is that she avoids discussing things to questions you deserve answers to.\n\nAt your age, I bet the feeling must be harder. I don't think no answer can quench your thirst but her honesty to why things can't be the same again.\n\nWhen did things started to change? Look back to what you might have done wrong or probably she is not really serious about spending her life with you.  A lot of times, we got to accept the hard facts that things are beyond our control and we have no choice but to accept and move on. \n\nWhat can we do with the pain but acknowledge it and eventually accept and carry on with our lives. Things might not be the same again but surely one day, you'll fall in love over again when you least expect. \n\nGood luck. This stage is hard but things will change, don't let this destroy your life.
449125
OK 17, I think that you are just a bit obsessed about this and it comes through loud and clear.  Sounds like you have a comfortable life, car, good family life so why is it so important to have a serious relationship right now?  If everyone else had warts on their ass would you have to have them too?  I don't mean to sound uncaring but I have had some experiences with relationships and they aren't all that they are cracked up to be.  They take an awful lot of work, commitment and energy.  Take if from someone who would like to be 17 again take your time, embrace your friends, male and female, and enjoy yourself.  Nothing says that you can't share your thoughts and feelings with those who are good friends.  The more you try the the more desperate you become and the more desperate you become the more that comes through to scare off any potential girl friend.....understand?  The old saying goes "If you love someone let them go, if they come back they are yours, if they don't they never were.....I think that's how that goes and it makes sense.....enjoy life now cause it only gets more complicated as you get older.\nGood luck 17, now go out and get some friends to go to the movies and enjoy!!!
591881
Its really fun....I'm going through the same thing myself...my girlfriend of 2 yrs called it off 3 days ago and I'm suck in the same predicament. I absolutely can relate to you because I'm afraid that I won't ever find someone that I care and love. Not to mention she was my first girlfriend. To make it worse she tells me that she doesn't really see a future with me even though she tells me she loves me. Anyways I just want to tell you that its ok and hopefully both of us will be ok in the future. I wish you luck and I feel your pain. Oh, and the Dr. Steve answer is not fair... I'm not a teenager and I'm going through this so to say that "its a meaningless relationship" is cruel.
64571
Wow, that's a complicated problem.  It's going to be hard to try to answer this because I can't see the details when I'm typing.  \n\nYou say that you've been alone for about a month, which is long for you, but that you feel good about it.  Considering that you've been in a lot of unhappy relationships, that's probably understandable.  You sound like you're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to find "the one" before it's too late.  Then you take out this pressure, in turn, on your boyfriends.  I think in your concern to hurry up and find someone permanent, you're pushing yourself way too fast into relationships, and trying to stake a claim before you really know that you love them (otherwise, you wouldn't get over them in a couple of weeks...)\n\nHowever, knowing this about yourself isn't necesssarily going to help you change.  You could seek counselling, but that's expensive.  Here's what I would do, when I feel like I'm acting in ways that aren't in my best interest (and believe me, that's pretty often): \n\nFirst, take some more time off from relationships to get your head together.  You sound kind of panicky right now, which is not a good state to be in when you're starting to date somebody.  Try to balance yourself a little.\n\nWhen you are in a relationship next, and you want it to work out, you have to think *all* the time about the consequences of all your actions.  Being a good partner is work.  You can't just trust that you're going to act in a way that is good for you and the other person, you have to think about it.  Every morning, think to yourself, "How would I like this day to go?  Do I want to accomplish anything specific in my relationship?"  If you feel like talking about your partner about long term plans, etc., *stop* first and think:  "How is he going to react to this?  We've been dating for X number of weeks.  Is this an appropriate time to ask this question of him?"  \n\nAt the end of the day, think over what you and your partner have done that day, what conversations you have had.  Did anything upset either of you?  Can you do anything constructive to make it better?  Do you see yourself falling into your old patterns?\n\nI guess what I'm saying is, you can't always trust your instincts to work in your own best interests.  You have to put some control back into your mind.  This may not sound very fun, but it's often what relationships need most.\n\nTake your next relationship slowly.  *Think* about the moves you make before you make them.  Give yourself time to fall in love, without worrying for the moment about the future.  If you try too hard to grab it, it'll slip out of your hands.\n\nI don't know if any of this helps you, it's the advice I would (and have, at times) given myself, and it seems to help.  \n\nGood Luck
159324
The question is does she love you back?  How long were you dating before you broke up?  Me?  I had a relationship for 7 years and I still love him but we grew apart.  I realize now that I love the idea of being with the person I once knew.  If you have not spoken to her in 2 years, she is probably not the person you fell in love with anymore.  I would err on the side of moving on!  Nothing will ever be the same as the relationship that you had with this person.  I guarantee it.  But don't let that close your heart to new and better relationships.  Use what you had with her as a learning experience.  Don't compare her to the other women you date.  That is a fatal mistake.  I know its hard ,but you have to move on with your life in your mind, your spirit and your body.  Please don't hold your relationship with her on a pedestal.  Clear your heart and keep moving!\n*Muah*
149618
I'm in the same situation. This girl I know practically told\nme she wants to date me, but I quickly flipped her words \naround and turned it into a joke...I must have commitment \nissues, my longest relationship has been for like 2weeks \nI'm just 20 but still. \n\nIf a girls likes me and I like her but I keep pushing her(and others) away am I scared or something? \n\nMy dad cheated on my mom and it was hard for her when they divorced. I always told myself(even though we talk) I\nwill never be like him/that....I guess running away will \nmake sure of that.?. \n\nSorry for answering your question w/ my own commitment issues. Maybe we need to suck it up I don't know....
522741
If you put what others had said before me, and consider that I is okay to not be sure, but to date and see what happens, and not pull back, then you have it half licked. \nIn my case, I had parents who did not fight and argue, and stayed together, and I think really loved each other, but pretty much did their own thing. \nWhat has put me off from relationships, and what I am just getting over, is all my friends who had parents who divorced. Worse, friends with horrible step parents, the kind the beat with belts and all kinds of crap. I am holding out for the love of a lifetime, and want to raise my own kids, if I have any.\nSo, I see your ideas as really rational and normal given your background. As one person has said, the best way to do it is to not judge the situation or a future mate before even meeting her. \nIt can be done, I am just learning myself. So can you. And, when you meet the right one, you can tell her these things, and she will not be offput, as long as you tell her you really want to get to know her before committment. \nI have been interested in the same person now for a couple years. This time it may work. She hangs in with me, and I with her. No we don't live together, but are slowly learing to trust. \nSo, hang in there, and let things happen slowly. Just because you kiss, or even shag doesn't mean that you are about to be in a trap, as long as you are careful. \nBe good to yourself, and realize that sometimes it is the unknown that makes life exciting!
558449
Hope this works out for you. its probably a bit raw at the moment. could this possibly not be the first time this has happened, as im sure she is trying to tell you something and get a reactionary response. she wants you to want her and fight for her not just give up. im thinking that she wants you to commit after 8 years. she doesnt want to ask you to make it a more secure relationship possibly not long distance. she wants you to come up with that idea and put it to her. so she can feel loved and needed. thats what im thinking and im a chick and sometimes we can be a bit weird like that. so give it a go when things calm down have a honest talk with her and ask her what she really wants or doesnt want from you and decide what you are ready to give. if you arent ready to give everything - why have a relationship anyway. take care and give it some time.
91102
He may still love you, yes.  But what exactly is keeping him from being in a relationship with you?  \n\nI would not count on this individual to commit to you.  This guy sounds like he may be confused or unsure.  And he may take a long time making up his mind.  If his indecision is causing you heartache, then you need to do what is going to preserve your sanity.  You need to do what is good for you.  This may mean moving on.  This may mean not waiting around for him.\n\nI'm sorry if this sounds harsh.  It sounds like you still have feelings for him.  I don't know your exact circumstances.  However, I do know what it is like to be jerked around by a guy who couldn't decide if I was "the one."  It's not fun, and it's not worth your time.  \n\nIf you are really set on this guy, you may have to wait for a long time for him to come to his senses.  Ask yourself, honestly, is he worth it?\n\nGood luck.
140208
Dear Sobby, Your question lacks some information. I would need more info to answer honestly and effectively, like why did you break up? How long were you together, and how long have you been apart? But vaguely i can tell you that if you are sure she is not interested in you anymore then you should move on, There are plenty of "fish in the sea" and hurting your self will not accomplish anything but getting yourself hurt. It will not make her feel any different.  As far as concentrating on your studies, it is imparitive that you keep your thoughts on them as much as possible. If you fail at this it could cause a chain reaction in your life that will cause you to fail at other things, and will also make you feel like hurting yourself even more. You seem like an intelligent person, so you should act as you are and move on.  If she doesnt' want you, find someone else, Its not easy, but it gets easier with time.
601175
Okay, here's the thing...\n\nI've had one relationship with a girlfriend where I felt that I was deeply loved and that love was also reciprocated by me.\nIt comes down to the old nagging cliché. She used to hen-peck me all the time, and I'm sure I did the same to her to in my own way. But my point is, when you do have a fully reciprocated and loving relationship, you care about those comments, propbably trivial things most of the time but sometimes more significant. Because I loved her (and trusted her) it mattered deeply what she thought of me and I would be prompted to change. Maybe not immediately, maybe there'd be an argument and doors would be slammed and sofas spent the night on, but when you calm down and it all percolates down, you want to be that much better, for them(!), so you change.\n\nIn summary, we all are in a constant state of flux, of changing from one day to the next due to the experiences we have. But a loving relationship provides you with a mirror, to see who you are in others eyes and where you need to improve. And because you love that person and trust their judgement, you accept those criticisms and act accordingly. And it can only work well if it's mutual.\n\nJust to complete the story of the girl - we split up! :( She was going on from uni to work a year in France and 2 or possibly 3 years in Japan, we agreed between us that it would be heart-breakingly frustrating to keep the relationship going with such little time together to work on it. We both spent the next few months after separating feeling like the bottom had dropped out of our respective worlds, but slowly and surely we healed apart.\n\nThe happy ending: I now enjoy a relationship with her as perhaps my all time best friend - a friend for life. It still matters just as much what she thinks of me and I still find myself tweaking the engine according to her tuning specs. We are no longer an item or 'in love' with each other but we certainly do love each other deeply and trust and respect one-anothers opinions.\n\nI am very happy with that.
141588
There's nothing about being selfish in this situation you're being reasonable. You can let this new guy know where you stand and let him know that you need sometime to sort through things in your life before getting back into another relationship. At the end of the if he wants to start another relationship with someone else you guys can still be friends and move on from there. On the other hand, if he wants to wait for you then you know he's in deed a really good guy. With my friendship/relationship I've been with my boyfriend for a 1.5 years and we were in the same state but then I went out of state to complete a Masters' degree and to be fair I gave him the option of being with someone else if someone else came along before I came back to MI to be with him. I did that because either one of us has never had a long distance relationship, so I didn't want to make him feel that he is "tied to me" while i'm out of state at Graduate school. The "separation" didn't happen we ended up still being together and when I came back to MI to visit him the love was there as if I was always there with him. So good things happen if its suppose to happen that way. Good luck and I wish you all the best.
642038
I didn't even finish reading your note, but from experience I would recommend ditching him... you deserve someone who can make up his mind and can love you 100%!! I had a fellow like that and I think he kept me around as security, so he wasn't alone and felt loved... don't be his love of last resort! Be strong and move on...
152576
I recently went through the same exact thing.  We dated for over 3 years, and then she broke up with me.  The only advice for this scenario is that time will heal all wounds.  This break up hit me hard but I eventually learned that I don’t need to be chasing after someone who isn’t going to love me back.  A relationship only happens when both hearts are into it 100 percent.  All you can do is move on and meet new people.  If you are still in high school or college, talk to some girls in your class or your project groups.  Eventually the wounds will heal.\n\nAnd any girl that would break up with you doesn’t deserve you anyway.