I have a very serious problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 monthes now, and she is very nervous when any kind of sexual activity is suggested, namely by me. She has told me about past experiences about being beaten by her father, now living away from her. Her mom does not know about this. Her mom is always mean to her and blames everything on her. Her stepdad is even worse, even though no physical abuse is used. Often they leave her at home, when they go and date by themselves. Whenever my girlfriend suggests that she (my gf) sees a therapist about her past, both her mom and stepdad REFUSE to accept the fact that she has a problem. This entire situation has prevented us from doing any sexual activity whatsoever. Now, I do not want to be considered a pervert, because I believe it would be good for her to experience some sexual activity as well. So, I guess the real question I want to ask is, how can I help her get over her "fear" of guys?
213335
The first thing you can do is not pressure her into it if it makes her feel uncomfortable around you.  Trust me, if the love is there, the sex will come, you shouldn't rush it anyways because sex should really be an expression of one person's love for another.  If you go to high school or college, they have counselors there who are more than willing to help.  I suggest you look into that for her, it'll show that you really care about her.  Don't feel frustrated, if you love her, then try to be there for her whenever you can.  Be patient my friend and I am sure that with time, you'll find that sex is but a small part of true love (it is much more than that).
334327
Reading some of the replies you got here today you got a lot of good advice.  How is your relationship ? That should be the first thing you think about. Does he feel obligated or quilted by you to stay around because of your daughter? Do you say things to him like if you don;t stay here you won't see your kid?  Does the only time he pays attention to you is when & if you can get him alone in the bedroom ? Girlfriend, if your answer is yes to one or more of hese above questions you don't have a good relationship.   Its just an obligation thing..\n\nJust because you think you want to have sex all the time does not qualify you as a sex accident or even a nympho.  Darling if he ain't intrested in anything your trying then you better move on.. Be careful out there & use protection at 21 you don't need another kid or any dieseases. \n\nPutting your child in front of the tv for entertainment ain't to healthy either.  Maybe thats what he is uncomfortable with.. Why not ask him . Plan a date night, get someone to watch your child for a couple of hours, go out so something fun together, you never know he just may want to stay home & have sex.. Some people can't relax when they know their kid is up , maybe doesn't like to get interupted during sex or have the kid walk in on you or start crying.  Nothing like a good crying to ruin a good hard on.
255229
Welcome to puberty and life with a teenager...particularly one with a stepfather. Just be as good a parent as you can be and talk with her when she will allow conversation. In the meantime try to figure out if she reacts the way she does due to some action she feels is unjust. Discipline without a relationship never works. If she is disrupting your family life constantly you and her mom need to find out why and try to correct this even if it is with a counselor.
668571
From my experience I can tell you that your girlfriend is still I virgin. Let me tell you why if you girlfriend never had sex with anyone else willing then yea, she is still a virgin in the prospective that she never gave herself up willing, medically she is not cause she have been penetrated so she no longer has her "cherry".  But if she been with anyone else before you and I mean like gave herself up willing then she would not be a virgin anymore, because she gave herself to someone but since she is telling you she wants to lose her virginity to you then I will go on the assume she never been with no one since she got raped and therefore I will come to the conclusion that she is still a virgin mentally, but not physically. Don't worry you two can still have that special moment of together. Think about it this way you are the first guy ever, since she got raped that  she gave herself up to without any pressure or force so you both can still have that special moment of her being with her first cause you will be considered her first from that moment one. And when anyone asks her how many partners she had she can reply and say one cause that will truly be the true.
672771
First, pray and ask God for wisdom in this situation. Then, have a private meeting with her, and inform her that she has a terrible reputation as the town slut. Let her know that you are not accusing her of anything, but when people come up to you and say these things, it makes you feel really uncomfortable, and puts you on the defensive because you love her. Before she answers, let her know that if she is sleeping around with many men, then you are not there to judge her, you just want to help. Let her know that HIV and Aids are still very much around even though we don't hear that much talk about it anymore. Also let her know that if she continues with this kind of reputation, no good respectable man is ever going to marry her and bring her home to mom. I don't know your religious background, but if you are a Christian, then please let her know that pre-marital sex is against God and a terrible sin. However, because of God's grace and mercy, it's never to late to repent, and ask for forgiveness. I hope that this was able to help you out a little bit. My prayers will be with you, take care.
221976
It really isn't your problem. But you can try to help her, by letting family members know and maybe even school consulars.\n\nIf the men she has been with are older then it is a legal matter. She obviously doesn't care so she won't help the police in the matter.\n\nToo many young girls end up doing this and then start having kids when they too are kids. This in turn becomes everyones problem.
94455
I think that if you really care for the girl and she really cares for you, and she is not the type to let people influence her judgement, then I think it doesn't matter. As long as you two are happy then you shouldn't let anyone stand in your way of happiness. I mean you are dating her, not her parents. I would just give it time and eventually the parents will warm up. I mean this is their daughter, and they will always look out for her no matter what. That is what parents do.
256328
If you care for your girlfriend at all, which I'm assuming you do seeing as how you're in a relationship with her, then ignore her mother. Do NOTHING! Cheating is bad enough, but cheating with a girl's mother will scar her and force her into therapy for the rest of her life. Besides, haven't you ever heard the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? You'll be lucky to get out with your penis intact if you did anything with your girlfriend's mom and she found out. No joke.
181507
:)  You as a question about a common occurance, yet all-too-rarely addressed.\n\nThis is an ideal situation to bring you and your child closer, and realize that life and love are normal, not something to be scared of.  Not something to ignore.  Not something to avoid.\n\nMost of the suggestions here are outstanding and wonderfully helpful.  You folks have great taste and character, though 'Sassy' leaves a bit to be desired.\n\nAn even more positive comment would be that he was "PLEASING" mommy...... thus avoiding negative thoughts and questions.\n\nMany people seem to make a big deal about 'the talk'........ don't do that that way..... hang out with your child like you always do, share in discussion, encourage their questions, and that you are just as honest and decent as they are.\n\nActively promote their RIGHT'ness for being concerned, that's why they came in to check on you in the first place...... praise that responsibility and protective nature.  Leverage that as you nudge the converstaion towards sex.... to sharing the knowledge about sexuality, how it is tied to real love, communication, values, commitment, etc....\n\nthis is a golden opportunity to SHARE and get closer\n\nENJOY it!
466695
It's not you!!!!! She is totally okay and so are you! haha I think it's really cute. \nShe sounds very decent.  Gosh, I can't think of the word.  She's not a skank, that's for sure.\nIt's possible that there's been sexual abuse in the past, though.\n\nMy mom and sister are the exact same way.  My mom's been married for YEARS AND YEARS and is still this way with my dad.  She makes him turn off the lights before she gets undressed.  She was sexually molested as a young teenager, so it's partly due to that.  My sister is just extra modest.  OH that's the word I was looking for!\nSome women are just a lot more modest than others.\nDon't worry about it.  She was that way before and probably will be forever.  Don't make her feel bad about it and don't let her think it's because of you that she's this way or she'll feel really bad and the problem still won't be fixed.\nJust accept her for being this way and just think it's cute and realize you have a very modest wife and be glad of that.
385779
Talk to her alone, and tell her how much you girlfriend means to you.  If you aren't willing to take a bullet for her or marry her once it gets to that point, then you should just quit right now.  I'm sorry if that may have sounded a bit harsh, but relationships aren't things to be played with.  I am only 16, but I have been trying to find that one person who is willing to stay with me for the long run, and not just for the few months.\n\nAnyways, just tell her how much her daughter means to you, and you would never want to hurt her in any way.  Tell her who you truly are, and your girlfriend's mother will truly appreciate how much courage and self-confidence it took for you to say all that to her.  Your girlfriend will also appreciate your care for her and how much you tried to make her mother accept you.\n\nIt might take a bit to build up all that confidence, but it will be VERY worth it in the end.  You now know what must be done, so good luck!
66661
Well, i don't believe she needs reasurance on that point. Maybe you migth help her looking for all of the positive things you can find in the relation with her parents, or in her life in a wider range of view. \nYou know there is always something good to find in the worst scenario, and it would be more helpful than telling her that she is rigth, oh! poor of her, you are so rigth to be suffering!!!! OF COURSE it is not what she needs.\nAnyway, remember that a relation is made up by two, so, you can encourage her to try harder, to look for common interest with her parents, maybe her mother likes to cook and she would find interest to learn to cook something special for a boyfriend, those little things can give her and her mother the oportunity to get togheter and find the love there is between them ... but what i can tell you is that we, parents, could not understand you ever, but we always love you....
265073
Yeah....give her mother sometime. i hope ur gf is backing you up. a day will come when ur gf's mother will realize that u were a real truthful guy. talk to her after few days in a polite manner. dont lose ur temper
387521
Wow. Sounds like you have a heck of a deal on your hands. I think the first action you should take is let her know that you like her, by showing her that you care about her, through what has happened to her. (IF you really know to be true that you like her THAT much, if you dont think you could handle whats going on her life, dont try to step in) Let her know that your willing to be by her side and help her through 100%. If you honestly like her so much that you feel you could love her, then it shouldnt matter that she might be pregnant and have an STD, If you love someone you will be there for that person no matter what problem arises. You could help her get treatment for the STD, and if she is pregnant, you could step in as a father figure and show her how much you really care for her life. Dont back away from your feelings because she was abused. This is the time when she needs someone to be there the most! After you stand by her side and she knows you care, she will then maybe understand without you telling her that you like her, and she will be more interested in you because you cared so much to help.
335376
This probably has nothing to do with you! Many girls in America are raised to believe that sex is "dirty" and un-lady-like or whatever. Was she raised in a socially conservative family? If so, she may have some internal conflict (ashamed of doing something she was brought up to feel bad about vs. actually enjoying herself!!!)  She may not even know this about herself, but it's a great starting point (as opposed to thinking she was abused or that you are inadequate)  Just talk to her and let her know you're there to listen and you'll win the good boyfriend award this week. hope this helps.
51330
I'm not sure who is more gullible, you or your girlfriend.  Does she really believe having sex with her not-quite-ex-husband will help her gain custody?  Do YOU really believe that is all there is to it?  I know guys will say a lot of things to convince a woman to have sex, but I haven't heard that line before.
334812
I think the best thing to do would be to sit down and talk with her about puberty and sex if you haven't already.  Tell her that she should never let anyone pressure her into having sex and that a guy who tries to push her to do something she isn't ready to do is not the guy for her.  Tell her that there is a lot of responsibility that comes along with having sex, like the possibility of STDs or pregnancy.  If you think it's appropriate, talk about contraception.  It isn't unusual for girls to not have entered puberty by her age--she's perfectly normal in that respect.  But if she's hearing about sex from her friends, then she's old enough to get reliable information from her parents instead of relying on what other kids tell her.  I doubt that most kids that age realize that any girl who has started her periods and has sex can get pregnant, and that anyone who has sex could get an STD.