I have a friend who used to like me a lot.  We were getting closer and closer, but I could feel the tension growing around us.  It's spring break where I am, and I just got a letter saying that she feels that I have been using her and she started calling me vain and arrogant for saying I was good at something out of nowhere.  Then she nailed me about how when I say I am not good at something that I am making her bare all of my insecurities.  She says that we both need time to have our own space and stuff like that.  I was going to suggest this when we got back to school as I was feeling a little crowded by her.  My Question is: How do I respond to such a letter?  I want to send her a response saying that I agree although I still value our friendship and still want to be friends, just that we needed to take a break for a while.\n\nThanks for your responses to those of you who do,\n\nChernabog817
208985
i think you answered your own question. Send her a letter or email back saying how much you like her and that you dont want to break friends but also feel that you need space apart. Afterall, so does everybody.
528750
She doesnt want to be on bad terms with you but also considers you to be the back up friend. It sucks. If you really wanted to stir the pot a bit you could make friends with her friend. Ha ha. Yes thats very 'high school' of me, but tempting isnt it?
293356
You probably should have asked your friend what her plans were before you hung out with you other friends, maybe she just assumed since you had already asked her to hang out that the plan was still on.She's probably feeling like you ditched her, send her an email explaining that you thought since she didn't let you know if she could hang out with you that she couldn't so you made other plans, and just tell her you're sorry.She'll get over it.
285781
It sounds as if she is jealous of you and putting you down in front of others (esp. men) makes her feel better about her self. Talk to her about how this makes you feel, if this doesn't work trying giving her a taste of her own medicine..maybe then she will see for herself how it feels. It it still becomes a problem, find a new friend. Good luck.
147679
If she doesn't it's your fault for being kind of shallow don't you think. If you don't feel that way doesn't mean you all can't still be friends you know. Talk to her and smooth it all out, and tell her if what you did made her mad that your sorry. Nothing may even ever come of it all anyway.
309369
You should give her the opportunity to know how you feel and what is going to happen if she doesn't change the way she is behaving.  She is probably in actuality a very insecure girl that feels that she needs to put others down.  Tell her that a friend doesn't act that way, and that just as you would for her, you are defending your friends and their feelings...that is what friends do.
18097
Sure she does! She tells you these things bc she feels safe with you. Now if that's all she does is tell you all the bad stuff about her life and takes no interest in yours, then you are a crutch to her. It is up to you if you want to hear about her other friends taking a crap on her or whatnot. If you want to be the crutch, I suggest selective hearing. It can be a downer to hear about her crap friends, and keep suggesting that she gets rid of them and the negativity they bring. Hang in there, it may be a phase and she'll realise what a friend you are and drop the losers and hang out with you... someone who cares...
13097
What you've come up against is a basic example of insecurity. People will make fun of you in order to pump themselves up. At least they think that by making someone feel inferior that they will somehow feel a bit more superior. However, does this actually work? No.....why? Because they are still insecure and no amount of bullying will solve the deeper issues they carry. So they will then try to be your friend feeling that a close friendship will make them feel better about themself and will fill a void they have in their life. Even as they say they are your friend, you must be careful. I always worry if they are creating a friendship for the wrong reasons. For themself? or in order to be a good friend. If they still ignore your attributes and make you feel that you are less than who you are (in other words cut you down or don't recognize your beauty) I would question the sincerity of their friendship. \n\nBut always remember, this is an issue they suffer from. It is not because of you. However, if you indeed want to be a wonderful friend, confront them with their behavior and help them with their insecurity. Pump them up by explaining what talents and attributes they have. Show them how it feels to hear such news from a friend and perhaps they will then begin to extend the same favor. I wish you luck!!
318244
I have the same problem she thinks that I ignore her around my other firends and then she does the same thing. When I confront her about it, it always ends up to be a fight or she responds with " Your a slut" and I am not. If i were you i would confront her about it or ignore her untill she sees what good of a friend you are to her.
308822
Hey my dear, we've all been there.  I respect you and I'm sure your friend will for your honesty.\n\nSay it something like this, " Hello Mary, I know I acted like an idiot the other day.  I said some crap that I really did'nt mean.  Sometimes I can be an ass.  Can I make it up to you?  \n\nGood luck
273949
when you two have a moment alone tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel and to please stop.  be gentle since she sounds like she might be kinda sensitive.  if she doesn't understand what the big deal is tell her maybe it's best y'all spend a little less time together.  if that doesn't work and she's still hanging all over you maybe you should tell an adult.  i mean, it would suck to make a big deal out of it but if she's dense and isn't getting the message...what else can you do?  no one wants to feel uncomfortable around someone who is supposed to be a friend.  and if she were a real friend she would've gotten the message already.  ya know?  good luck.
181998
You're friend is treating you this way because (im assuming she) she has her own insecurities about herself. i dont know you, but you are probably an attractive popular girl? someone genuin? This other friend wants you to feel about about yourself. The way to tackle this is to understadn she is hating something about herself and try to bring it out of her, subtly and perhaps bit by bit. then when you're feeling more confident you can talk to her about the way she speaks to you and the names she calls you.
297430
Janinie, \n\nMy opinion is that you should just say every since you started hanging out with those chicks you turned int a jerk. So i just want to be friends and not best friends cause i don't want to get dumped on the side of the road again. So we can still hang out if you want but that is your choice. Thank you. That is what I would say. And you can Email me back if you want.\n\nKennetha\n\n\nP.S. My email adress is kennethacutie@yahoo.com
301462
Well what I would do is first of all, tell my friend the truth.  Tell her that I only said it because I was jealous of the time she was spending with the other person.  If you don't really dislike the other person, go to them personally and apologize and try to make amends.  Let them know you were jealous of the attention they were getting and maybe you guys can work it out.
221126
I've gone through this too, and unfortunately I handled it the wrong way, by ignoring the person. Leave your pride behind and tell this girl that she is moving too fast and tell her that you want to keep it at a friend level for now. If she can't except that, oh well.
489334
Honey, this girl will get you into trouble, it sounds like this girl wants you for her own!! my advice steer clear!  I have had a similar situation with a Friend of mine, she had a girl that hung around her like a bad smell, and she hated me, she treated my Friend like a minion and called her one!  I must admit she was a bitch 2!!  I think you might just need to sit this girl down and talk to her, perhaps she doesn't realize that her behavior is just a little OTT. The jealousy thing tho, this is harder to resume, but you have to ask yourself, why does she do that?? could she be insecure?  my feeling on this one from reading your little statement is that she is making you unhappy and that is wrong, why should she ruin your life, you are spending time thinking about her and your other Friend, there are times when being a little selfish, taking a step back and saying- 'whoa' this is not about 'me'...is good, do something for you, personally if she is as nagging and annoying as she sounds, you need to click your fingers to the left, click your fingers to the right and click your fingers to the left, (practice this now) its cool!!! and say to this girl- I don't need this drama' and walk away, because when push comes to shove all that matters is you! xxx
617444
Dear ___,How are you?I have tried introducing your friend to many of my single friends who have liked him alot though hes not regularly in touch with them neither has given me any feedback.Though i volunteered for this i would kindly like to excuse myself this time around due to a personal family friend(some reason).I wish your friend good luck and thanks for passing this message to your friend.Love,Your name.