So my ex and I have never been too great of friends, even before we were dating. But this year, the tension between us seemed to pull our group of friends apart, so we decided to try to be friends.\nThe problem is, he seems to expect me to put in all the effort to be nice and friendly, only responding once i've made the first move.\nWe have our ups and downs, but i can't take it anymore. So now, i've made it clear that i'm not going to try so hard unless he decides to be a man and put in some effort. \nShould I:\n(1) wait for him to come around,\n(2) go back to putting in all the effort,\n(3) just give up on him??
202466
option 3. he wasn't much of a friend before, and now that you have relationship baggage and nothing strong platonically to bind you from before, there is no friendship to revive here. too much complication and effort on your part. let him go and make different friends, see different guys, be free!!
470033
Does it really matter?  At this point, does it really matter if he wants to call you back or not?  Sounds like you two aren't exactly 'meant to be'.  Or.. I dunno'.  I could be wrong.  Maybe you're perfect for one another.  (Btw, that wasn't supposed to be an insult.  Well.. for the most part it wasn't..)  \nTo answer your question though:  Don't hold your breath.
160412
nope and I'd further let him know that you value your time and are willing to include him in your plans but only if he shows up.  I'd make it clear and rock solid that if he does it again, the friendship is terminated out of a lack of respect for you on his part.  You don't have to be a doormat for this so-called friend.  The reason you may be the only friend he's got is because he chased off the other people who wanted to be his friend.  So.....you may be a friend to HIM but I don't see any parts of his being a friend to YOU.  Get ready to ditch this sadsack and meet nicer people.
257208
Mel, \nI went over both of your questions and am wondering if you left out some important details that we may be able to work off of?  It is rather odd for someone who is a best friend to up and leave you alone and to try to avoid you for no reason.  Could he have become enamorate of you and is trying to avoid you as he doesn't want to ruin the friendship and doesn't know how to address this situation with you?  Just a thought as it is the only reason for this from a male best friend.
497314
It sounds like he's very hurt by not only the break up, but by your harsh actions of how you treated him after the relationship ended. He's seen you in a new light that was not good and now in turmoil over whether or not to get back with you. Best thing to do now would be to back off to give him time and space to figure things out. By you constantly calling and asking him what's he going to do is probably just making matters worse. Let him have his time to think about things and so he can make his decision.
530858
This guy would be mad to even consider getting back together with this girl. She doesn't deserve a second chance. To be honest I don't even know why you want a " friend " like her - you sound like a nice person !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk to the guy and give him your opinion - does he really want to go through that kind of sh*t again ?
639424
his actions are not those of a friend. Friends don't lead each other on or use each other. They don't kiss or any more so let him go before he puts you down even more. You've learnt and now you're free again to meet the real guy that's out there for you. You don't need friends that lie. What a pig!
318132
I've been in your shoes and I've been in the opposite side of your shoes. Clearly, like previously stated, this man does not know what he wants. Do you really think it's possible for a man to break up with you and change all those feelings of romance into friendship in just three days?!? He's just lonely and trying to fill the void (platoniclly, sexually, who knows), and he's probably unaware that your heart is at stake. If you want to be "friends" with someone after you've dated them, break up for real, cut contact, go about your life normally again, see other people, wait AT LEAST 3 months (maybe more), then see how you feel. A few years ago I had a gf and we went back and forth with the break-up/friend thing, and looking back it was such a waste of time. We ended up breaking up for good and we don't talk anymore. Now life is good. I have found another great girl and I don't need to be friends with my ex. After two years we've never done the break-up back and forth thing.\n\nGo after the one you love, don't waste your time and energy trying to decide if this confused guy is for you - he's obviously not. Your heart, future, family, etc. is too valuable.
407308
He sounds really conflicted. I don't think it's you at all but his own undealt-with problems. Don't be frustrated with the other women he is pursuing because the ultimate problem isn't anything having to do with you, but the inhibitions he has. He's acting out some sort of situation and you're a pawn in that game. As difficult as it may be, I seriously suggest you do what you can to likewise see him as just a friend. He may come around then and start treating you as an emotional equal, but if not don't consider it any loss. He sounds like he has issues. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway; obviously you know more than any one of us.
260391
Yes he should consider how you feel.  Break away for now and maybe in a few months or years you 2 can become friends.  You want someone to treat you with kindness and respect and do not take anything less.  Good luck.
99262
Its time to leave him alone when you realize that you are wasting your time on someone who doesn't have a regard for you and your feelings. being a man, I can tell, he's just playing on you and your emotions.\n\nHe is now your EX - means that he is part of your past. Better move on and I am sure you will find someone who will give you decency and respect. if you'd like to be friends with him, not at this time. Once both of you are "settled", may be that's the time for you to consider being his friend (that is if you will still have time and energy to think even about it).
390935
Sadly and embarrassingly enough - I know that situation and have been on the girl side. I loved my new bf and just could bear the fact that my ex is just not noticing and forgetting me. Stupid enough I have been to start calling him and even meeting with him saying that I want his friendship. But really I just wanted him to be mine again even though I didn't really need him!!!\n\nBe careful women are fools!! It might not be the same situation, but based on what you said and what I've had it really looks like it!
56023
I've started and deleted this a couple times and thought about what to say to you, but am having a hard time.\n\nI can't map in for some reason, so I apologize if my response is a scatterbrained collection of thoughts.\n\nOn one hand I hesitate because you don't want to be his 'mom'.....coming to rescue him.\n\n1st....he may not feel good about being rescued by a woman. I'm not taking a shot at you or anything....I happen to be open to someone helping me if I need it, but I don't think (most?) men warm up to that......unless they are insecure, and then you don't get a man for your partner, you get an adult momma's boy.\n\n2nd....he may not like a woman coming on to strong. He may regard your advances as just that, and regard it as another element to deal with.\n\nIf you've offered coffee, and other such things and have been turned down....that's male communication for.....'thank you, but not now'.\n\n3rd He may have an ego......one that may preclude him from admitting to himself that he needs help at all.\n\n:)\n\nMen like to tackle things completely (most of the time I think) and then move on to the next issue to deal with. It's possible that you are on the 'list'...so-to-speak. I'm sorry for making you sound like a line item. I don't think that, but for brevity I phrased it that way...and to help illustrate what I'm saying.\n\nIt's also likely that whatever he's going thru is deeper than you realize and it requires all his attention. Men (most) are somewhat single-minded and throw a lot of attention on one problem at a time, depending on what it is. This could be one of those situations.\n\nHe may regard the starting of a relationship...even a new friendship right now to be a taxing endeavor that he just doesn't want to deal with.\n\nI'd say that if you've made the offers.....then take stock in that......he knows.....he knows you're there. Don't be pushy.....we men really, really don't like that. I can speak for myself on that one....lol.\n\nDon't keep asking him for coffee....he'll just think you're a pain or think you have stock in Juan Valdez (geeze is he still around?) or something....lol.\n\nThe best thing to do is be a friend. Don't be a pain, don't be annoying and just hang.....being helpful to HIM won't be your idea of 'helpful'. And if you want to ingratiate yourself to him...you will have to figure out how you can be helpful to HIM. Do you know what I mean? That may just be being an ear for him if he wants to talk, sending him some jokes on the internet.....whatever.\n\nDon't be selfish with what you want.....do what is best for him right now.\n\nHope that helps....a little anyway. I hope it works out.....send me a wedding invitation....k?\n\n;)
486820
Well, firstly, you need to write down why exactly he's an EX.  I'm sure there's a reason for it.  Then you need to figure out if those reasons are still there.  You broke up with him for a reason, don't get back together with him if those reasons haven't been removed.\n\nSecondly, we always have a soft spot for some of our exes.  They're comfortable.  You know them well, and sometimes, you need the attention that they can give you.  Doesn't mean that you'll make a good couple, just that you'll make good friends.\n\nIf you're interested, spend some time being his friend and see if anything develops.
152980
Let it go.  Let him go.  Your setting yourself up to be hurt.  Don't get in the middle of that situation because it sounds like it's far from over.  He sounds like he has to deal with his issues with her.  He may get back with her or he may not but it doesn't matter he can't give you what you want from him right now.  It's better to continue being friends if you can.\n\nHopefully you can because friendship is so important.
320348
Dont says its your fault unless it really was. Lets-just-be friends.. um.. ok, if you seriously think thats going to workout. Oy.. third option is so out of the question. Girl, the past is the past. What happens,happens. You gotta move on, there are plenty of more fish in the sea. Believe me.
56489
Become friends first!  He needs that and so do you. It will also make the transition into a relationship easier.  He's more comfortable with the idea of a relationship because your friends! And you don't appear to have been waiting in the WINGS all this time, looking desperate!