A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
209802
IT WAS HER HUSBAND AND HE SAID, NOW WAS THAT SO BAD?
528689
About 4 pints of masturbotory semen.
479100
Ha Ha Ha .....That was great !!! But inspite of that if he gets any case then he really has luck of his life ! As any woman enters his clinic surely knows what he is and what he's going to do with her ...and entering his clinic voluntarily....definitely to please him !!! Ah Good One !!! I liked the way of presentation !
658297
The most fathererd would have to be the story not long ago about the guy who worked at the sperm bank and was making regular deposits and trading out other peoples stuff for his. Not sure on the total number's but I think it happened in the north east part of the country. I know he had so many and was found out when 2 of his kids almost got married to each other, thank god for the blood test I guess.
109991
Nothing!\nHere's re two (one's a riddle the other is a joke):\n-------------\nThe FBI had an opening for an assassin.\n\nAfter all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists.\n\nTwo men and a woman.\n\nFor the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.\n\n"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.\n\nKill Her!" \n\nThe man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."\n\nThe second man was given the same instructions.\n\nHe took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."\n\nThe agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."\n\nFinally, it was the woman's turn.\n\nShe was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.\n\nAfter a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. \n\n"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." \n----------------------\nArnold Schwarzenegger's is long and hard. Jamie Fox's is small. The Pope has on but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?\nScroll Down!\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nAnswer \n\nA Last Name \n\nHaha, what did you think it was?
364153
Well... I ran to the bathroom after reading these...\n\n *Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke. When it started to rain, one of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking\n\nLady 1: What's that?\nLady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.\nLady 1: Where did you get it?\nLady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.\n\nThe next day Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.\n\nThe guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks her what size.\n\n"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel"\n\nThe pharmacist fainted. \n\n\n\n\n   *A police officer pulls over a guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."\n\nThe man says, "Sorry officer, I can't do dat. I am a asthmatic 'n if I do dat, I'll have a really bad asthma attack!"\n\n"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."\n\n"I can't do dat eeder! I am a hemophiliac. If I do dat, I'll bleed to death!"\n\n"Well, then we need a urine sample."\n\n"I'm sorry officer, I can't do dat eeder. I am also a diabetic. If I do dat, I'll get really low blood sugar."\n\n"All right then, I need you to come out here and walk this white line."\n\n"I can't do dat, officer."\n\n"Why not?"\n\n"Cause I'm drunk as a skunk!" \n\n\n\n\n*A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."\nA little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.\nThe blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.\nThe cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.\nSeveral days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."\n"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."\nOnce again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.\nHe returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.\nHe tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around down your pantys before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.\n"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."\nThe blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?" \n\n*A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boy friend now that Grandpa went to heaven?\n\n"Grandma
597287
Thats cool.\nI've got one.\n\nThere's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.\n\nThe poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."\n\n"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
358389
It's a body function and not a semen factory in there!\n\nDont worry about the quantity as even a drop contains millions of sperms and is good enough for u
611824
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.\n\nHe gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
14969
A guy is wandering the parking lot at a local bar with his car keys in his hand. \n\nA cop sees him and says "Sir, may I help you?"\n\nThe guy replies "I washh jus lookin fo my car!"\n\nThe cop says "Well where was it the last time you saw it?"\n\nThe guy replies, pointing to his keys, "it wash righ here on da end o dis key!"\n\nThe cops shakes his head then shines his flashlight on the guy, noticing the drunks pants are undone and he is hanging out. "Sir! Did you know your pants are undone and your exposed???!!" \n\nThe drunk looks down, then up at the cop and throws his hands up in frustration, "Damn! I lost my girlfriend too!"
216364
Man and Woman in a bar..\nMan:"can I buy you a drink?"\nWoman:"No thank you,alcohol is bad for my legs"\nMan:"Sorry to hear that...do they swell?"\nWoman:"No,they open."
609478
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"\n\nThe husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your **** dry."\n\nThen, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"\n\nHe replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."\n\n\n------------------------------...\n\nAs an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."\n\nShe removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"\n\nA man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". \n\n\n------------------------------...\nThere was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.\n\n\n------------------------------...\n\nA guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."\n\n\n------------------------------...\n\nThere are four kinds of sex :\n\nHOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.\n\nBEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.\n\nHALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "**** YOU"\n\nCOURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. \n\nSource(s):\nThis beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...\n\nHe tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.\n\n"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?\n\n"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.\n\nHe tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."\n\nFinally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"\n\nShe replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"\n\n\n------------------------------...\n\nThis couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her *****. "Put y
510544
Yes, some sperm escape.
235292
Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one\nsaid "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it\nreally is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that\nMother Superior doesn't find them." The second nun said,\n"I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which works\nreally well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the \ncondom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it \nall later!"\nThe first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could\nfind them.\n"You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the\npharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug\nstore and walked up to the counter. "Good morning sister," said the\npharmacist. "What can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms\nplease" said the nun.\nThe pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon\nenough and asked, "How many boxes would you like - there are 12 to a\nbox." "I'll take six boxes that should last about a week" said the\nnun. The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was\nalmost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism\nprevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms\nwould you like-we have large, extra large, and big liar size."\nThe sister thought for a minute, and finally said: "I'm not\ncertain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?\nHe fainted.
104338
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.\n\n\nAfter all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists.\n\nTwo men and a woman.\n\nFor the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.\n\n"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.  Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.\n\nKill Her!"  \n\nThe man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."  The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job.  Take your wife and go home."\n\nThe second man was given the same instructions.\n\n\nHe took the gun and went into the room.  All was quiet for about 5 minutes.  The man came out with tears in his eyes,  "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."\n\nThe agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."\n\nFinally, it was the woman's turn.\n\n\nShe was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.  She took the gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another.  They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.\n\nAfter a few minutes, all was quiet.  The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.  She wiped the sweat from her brow. \n\n"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
154983
Like 15 minutes later to do it again.\nBut to havin' sperm quantity ready again like from a day to three days.
422426
There is a way that sperm can be removed by taking a slice out of a testicle.  A single sperm is then implanted directly into an ova under a microscope for invitro fertilization.  This is expensive.\n\nThe reversal would be easier and cheaper and faster.