I have been married for 37 years , my wife and I are going through marriage counceling now for about six weeks . Its always been a battle talking to my wife and I'm not sure of all the coments I'm getting from my councelor . I just need another womens honist point of view , and who is not to uptight about talking openly .Please e-mail me if you want or if you think this is waist of time and stupid let me see your answers . Thanks Patrick
198818
OH! COME ON,DON'T BE SILLY DON'T YOU KNOW THAT LADIES CAN FEEL THE PLUSE BEAT OF EVERY MATURED MALE, AND BELIEVE ME HOOKS THEM LIKE A FISH AND EAT THEM THROUGHOUT THEIR LIFE VERY SLOWLY. AND IF IT SMELLS OR GETS ROTTEN KICKS THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT ANY MERCY. NOW TELL ME, HAVE YOU FOUND ANY NEED FOR THEM TO TALK MARRIEGE. SO WAIT AND BECOME MATURED. FROM NOW PRACTICE HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF WHEN ONE FINE MORNING YOU BE SURELY KICKED OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE OK. NO, OK WAIT AND SEE.
252448
I really think you guys need to sit down and talk.  Tell him EXACTLY how you feel.  trust me, not talking is worse. My husband and I never talked about our feelings, and if your on here a lot you know my situation. If not, after 20yrs. of marriage, I'm looking at DIVORCE.
224389
You know I just asked the very same question earlier. I'm with a guy and we have only been dating for two months but have already talked about marriage and what we want out of life. I'm almost certain that soon he is going to pop the question and I wanted everyone's opinion. The only thing I can say to you is that I think you should go with your heart. You can take all the advice you want but at the end of the day you need to do what is best for you. You are 30 years old so I think you are old enough and mature enough to know if you are ready for marriage or not. The only thing I could possibly ask though is if you are living together? I definitely say you should live together first so you can get used to each other's annoying habits. I have been living with my boyfriend for 1 month and I'm starting to finally get used to the fact that he HAS to have 3 showers a day,  has to have the dishes washed as soon as they are used, and has to let gas ten times a day. lol.  Good luck!!!! Oh and if you would like to talk more feel free to contact me. :-) I'd love to trade stories and advice with someone.
132026
Married couples fight. It happens. One thing you need to do is never go to bed angry at each other. I don't know why you had a fight and I don't want to know. You guys have to find a way to have a civil conversation without losing your tempers. I love my wife and I respect her as woman as well. I am nothing without her. I wish you luck
279211
Wow are you ready for my answer. It isn't gonna be short sorry but I think I can help you understand this a little better.\n\n Most of what I have to say is from being that way myself. My wife God Bless her has stood beside me through all the B.S. I did to her in the early part of our marriage. First let me start off by saying don't let him or any other man push you around. Now it is OK to let them have some control. Men need and expect that. They still want to be king, but we have to keep in mind a king is nothing without his Queen. A man will act that way when they know they have a great thing and are afraid they are going to lose it to some one better.  The reason he doesn't like you talking to other boys is one in the same. He knows they can offer things he can not. I agree with him to some extent. I want the attention of my wife. I don't want her giving it to some other man. But slowly I have worked on this and now things are better. I have had to make myself trust her because she has never showed me any sign that she has done wrong. \n As far as him calling you up out of the blue, it is because loneliness has gotten the better of him. He never did think you was a liar. he knows the truth. He has his own faults and expects you and every one else to be the same. Now the only thing left is to decide if you want him back in your life. We know what he is like so far and if he will change is yet to be seen. As I told some one else tonight its a matter of talking to him. If you are gonna give this another shot then sit him down and talk to him. Let him no how you feel and dont forget that both of you need to give and take. You have to give a little as well. A relationship is a two sided coin. I always told myself that I was not spose to change for anyone. Well I was wrong. Changing is all you get done in a relationship. You have to mold yourself around that other person and vise versa.\n\n Hope this helped......I really do. God Bless.
338326
Hey sis, if you need to talk, I"m here for you. I married a brother who had been married to a sister who cheated on him. If you want to talk to him about it or ask him questions about it, I don't have a problem . Drop me a line, eh? I can understand how hard it is on the 'survivor' , It has been almost 7 years since we got married and there are still trust issues. But I know that eventually he will heal and  I am patiently waiting for that time. Meanwhile, we have a great marriage. Yeah, drop me a line and let's talk.\n( Bap'd 3-10-1990)
470712
I went through this too but we are know married and have two wonderful children.  I had such a hard time with my mother that I finally told her to stop talking to me about it unless she agreed to go to counseling sessions to discuss it.   This went on for years and it devastated me.  This is what I  wish I had said to her from the very beginning:  "Your problems with the relationship are just that, yours and yours alone.  If you want to discus your problems do so with someone who shares your opinion or discus them with a counselor.  But don't make your problems my problems."  I hope this helps.  Good luck.
63993
"Desperation is a stinky cologne"... I was desperate about 3 years ago.  It was the ugliest thing you ever saw.  Divorce is always ugly... but let me tell you that if a woman has made up her mind about a divorce... its made up.  To make it worse, she decided a long time before she actually told you so it's set in her mind and it won't be undone.  My ex told me we wouldn't be getting divorced if had done this or hadn't done that and the more I worked on those things... the angrier she became.  Why, because she made up her mind a long time ago and and she doesn't want you screwing up her justifications.  Let her go do what ever she is going to do and you just work on getting back to God... because that could be all that saves you from doing "something very stupid"... I can hear it in your voice.  I could go on, but I really just want to answer the question you posed "what to do when my wife loves another and kicks me out but i still love her?"... You have to pray for God to show you what he wants you to get out of this and to pray for her and the well being of your children.  Don't worry about her love right now... just God's and you will be in a much better place a year or so from now.
69080
you sound just like me. i'm trying to work things out but i know the end result will be me leaving. i just want to be able to say that i gave it my all and totally mean it. sometimes we just outgrow them. have you ever tried to start some sort of hobbie with each other or do a date night? maybe that will get something going for you. i tried that. my husband didnt even care to go through with any of it. he just agreed to it and never did it. i'm writing a book on my horrible marriage. as soon as i get enough crap for my book i'm out. its not worth it to stay.
410952
Hi lady, Ya know I am kinda the same boat. Ive been married twice, the first one for 14 years. She is a great lady and all but we just grew apart. The second one was right after my first!!!!!!!! Bad judgment on my part! I found my second wife, I think too soon, because I was so lonely. Ive been divorced from her for almost 4 years and Im very happy. I said all that to say this, I dont know your whole situation but after my second divorce I realized it was my turn. I didnt have a lot of friends and found myself at home a lot cleaning or reading a good book. Now that sounds boring , but I was content at that time. I needed more, as well as you, I wanted to have some fun , as you I didnt get in the bar scenes so I thought I was limited. Well guess what , the few friends I did have were waiting for me to ask the same question you asked.  First I started going to football games with friends then to some races and now we have a group that meets every saturday at rotating houses to watch the races and socialize. Ive really found a great group of friends both new and old and havent been to a bar yet. My advice to you is to turn to your friends and tell them your delima. I guess my answer is FRIENDS!  By the way Im 43 and now scuba dive, play tennis and many other things all due to my few friends! good luck , you sound like a great lady
379809
Why dont you discuss it with your wife.  You said that she is a sweetie, work it out with her.
56417
Well first let me say thank you for the job you are doing, I certainly can't believe it is all you had hoped for.\nAs for your wife, she sounds immature and selfish from what you say. You are already away from her and have been for three years, you don't say how long you were together before marriage to her. MY heart says leave her, kinda like you can't lose something you never had, kinda thing. If that makes any sense. This basically goes against alot of how I feel about marriage, though I certainly believe there are always mitigating factors to take into account.\n If you divorce her, you know longer will be smacking yourself upside the head and can get on with life. Yes you love her and that makes it hard to let go. To tell you the truth it sure can't be any harder than the thankless job you are doing right now, of which I commend you and those with you. \n I am truly sorry that your wife is so immature and refuses to discuss issues with you, but that should tell you something. This is just what I think because I hate like heck to see anyone suffer at the hands of another. Please take care and stay safe.
517337
Wow...my husband could have wrote this...\n\nI have been married seven years (have two children ages 6 and 2) and have become separated (haven't filed for divorce yet)...for me the sex was always bad (and I do love it...which is something he would never believe).  I will say you do a lot more than he ever did but it doesn't sound like you guys are going down the right path...you are not doing anything wrong, it is her.  I know you love her but you have to stop most of the things (the dates, flowers, etc...) they are just a waste right now...she is a full time housewife so the fact that she is not even cleaning etc... sound to me she might be depressed (how is she with the kids)...she sounds like me almost 100% (I should mention that I work FULL TIME...always did since my kids were 3 months old both) but instead of watching tv till 1am I would rather play poker or be on the computer (which pisses him off)...for him I am always tired he says, but when it comes to other people or things he says I have energy...which I guess is true.  \n\nYou're gonna have to sit her down and have a really good talk with her or go for some marriage counseling before it is too late...\n\nE-mail me if you want to talk...
484455
I think there is more to the issue than what has been shared and suggest that maybe going to a marriage counselor might help in discovering all the real underlying issues affecting both of your behaviors.  A lot of men say you can 'ask them anything' when you have concerns but often become defensive or unable to express themselves.  Perhaps a third person who is objective might be able to help find out what is really going on in the relationship.
229165
Well if it was just part one of your question and things were great now and life felt good for you then I would have said let it go...however now that you are seeing him IM somebody and asking her to go to a game,etc and you didn't even know about it nor were you asked? I feel that whatever is going on, within your marriage, isn't heading for anything good. I think there are issues either from the past or in the present that need to be talked about.If you guys can take the time, to talk about them and how it makes you feel, etc, do it NOW! If you can't, and you need an objective third party, go and get counseling and keep working at it. However, do something now before it's too late!!! I will say a prayer for you both!!! Good luck!
665177
I'm confused.. When you say you were speaking to other men.. is that all then? I don't see anything wrong w/that. You say tho 'he stayed w/me' and I don't know why he wouldn't (if it was just conversation.) You say he had a secret relationship.. was it sexual? You two both sound kind of jealous/possessive.. I mean I am basing this on the assumption there was nothing sexual involved in any of this. (If there was, that's a different story..) Let me see here.. He treats you like crap.. I take it that's the real issue on hand here.. I think men are kind of like babies (I'm married to one.. lucky me..) or they want their cake/ to eat it too.. they want us to cook and clean (and spread 'em) but on the other hand they want their 'freedom' to screw around on us at the same time. (We can't do anything along the same line tho..) that sux, right? He stayed because he's been with you and while the other gal's 'something new/exciting & different' you're the one he's 'used to living with' I am thinking. (Hell, this is depressing me!!) Hey, I DO think you've got value/self worth, dont' get me wrong! I'm just kinda bitter about men is all.. It sounds like my marriage of l4 years (boring.. I'm bored..) My ole man's an asshole (cuts me down) and then developed (or so he claims) e.d. so he tries to do the oral thing (doing me 'one big goddamned favor') on me for sex (but it's wearing thin or gettin' old I mean.. fast..) I want to dump him too.. (I think you want to dump THIS guy..) do it!! that's my 'valuable' advice for ya
656896
What's wrong with coming out and asking for it?\n\nAnd no, that's not entirely a rhetorical question.  I ask because for years, I used to think that if my wife REALLY loved me, she'd just KNOW when I wanted sex.  (Which, let's face it, is pretty easy to figure out -- if I'm breathing, I want sex. :-)  A lot of this is because when we were first married, we were at each other all the time.  (In our past relationships, we had both been the one who wanted it "too much," so it was such a joy to find each other and explore our own upper limits instead of hearing from our partners, "Jeez, we did it yesterday, how many times a week do you WANT it?")  When the frequency dropped after we had children (it's more difficult to throw your partner to the livingroom floor and have wild, loud sex at 3 PM on a Saturday afternoon if your kids have friends over playing Nintendo), this bothered me for a while.  I thought it meant she didn't love me as much, I thought it was Something I Did, I thought it was -- you get the picture.  \n\nThings have really improved in the past couple of years, since I learned the simple act of saying "You know, I'd really like some kind of sexual activity tonight.  What are you up for?"\n\nSo the answer is, go ahead and ask her!  \n\nAs another Wicked Sex Tip: In my experience, one's chances of getting lucky increase exponentially after a really good backrub.  Find out where she's always sore, learn what relaxes her, and be generous.  Besides, if nothing else, you're running your hands over the naked body of the woman you love, and that's on my top three list of favorite activities in and of itself.