We have custody of 2 toddlers. The alleged father is now trying for custody. His name just recently was added to the birth certificates. We are unable to determine how. It is common knowledge in my family that he is a alcholic, is prone to domestic violence, is basically a drifter, and has a long police record for DUI, theft, nonpayment of support on his other children, and fighting. Some of this I have been able to obtain from public record other I know existed but cannot find. The oldest of the 2 boys is lacking in basic education and is in need of special help. We have seen more doctors and specialists in 5 months than they have ever seen before. We are also trying to get them into preschool. All of these things I personally know will not continue if he obtains custody. It is killing me inside that we have come so close to breaking a bad cycle of alcholism, abuse, and violence and now we may lose to the evil again.
199711
Maybe your local child protective services agency can help you. They deal with this sort of thing all the time and can tell you what you need to do. \n\nI would get notarized affadavits/statements from anyone who has information about this man. Also, you can demand a DNA test if there is some doubt about whether he is the father.\n\nGood luck. It sounds like you are the best hope for these children.
134847
Yes!  Your first priority should be to your kids.  They aren't safe with your husband and you need to get them away now.  Call legal aid or see if you make payments to a lawyer.  Or see if in your state you can file on your own.  Make sure you have proof of whatever accusations you are going to bring up in court.  Document everything, it will help you later on.  Also depending on the ages of the kids, I would ask for supervised visitation due to him still talking to the perp.
614662
He needs to get in contact with the child support agency that his is sending his money to.  And a lawyer,  if he has visitation rights.  Than he has the right to know where his child is and to see them.  The cops are just going to say that they can't do anything unless he has full custody.  Go to the court and talk to the judge that signed the visitation order.  They may be able to help know what he signed and what to do.  He should have never signed something that  he didn't completely understand.  I did that, and the people ended up getting full custody of my son and took off with him,  When they and their lawyers told me over and over that I was signing a temporary custody agreement.  Legal papers are so confusing even to very smart people.  Keep standing behind him and helping your man.  I commend you for being a real woman, and hold on to your hope and strength.  Because it may take time and money that you think that you don't have.  But every thing will work out for you.
321609
Oh that wouldnt be the end...First  miss thang...there is DNA test and courts of law...second with youre sparkleing personality I'm sure the hell dished out went both ways third ... how in the hell do you do that to your child it definitely shows that the conflict is your fault sister...but its no problem really he will just take your ass to court and get custody...been there and done that. Talk to my ex she thoght it was cute to give my daughter a different name now I have custody and she pays support. court agreed to a name change. no problem.
633023
MOST STATES HAVE LEGAL AIDE SERVICES THAT CAN HELP.IF THERES LIKELY TO BE A CUSTODY FIGHT I STRONGLY SUGGEST HAVING AN ATTORNEY. ALSO SECURE THE CHILDS RESIDENCE BEFORE HAND.....SUCH AS MAKE CERTAIN THE DADS RESIDENCE IS LISTED ON ALL PAPERWORK,SUCH AS SCHOOL OR DAYCARE RECORDS ETC...HE NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO PROVE THE CHILD HAS BEEN IN HIS CUSTODY. DIVORCE CAN BE VERY UGLY,ESPECIALLY WHERE KIDS ARE CONCERNED.I WOULD DEFINATELY SEEK ADVICE FROM THE LOCAL FAMILY COURT OR DISTRICT ATTORNEYS OFFICE BEFORE TIPPING MY HAND.
84334
ACTIONS speak so much louder than words. Is he genuinely making an attempt? Has he called and talked to the kids? Has he come to see the kids? Has he paid any child support or asked if there is anything he can do for them? Does he make sure they have what they need? I can understand trying to find yourself and make you way through the music world, but not at the expense of abandoning your children for 4-5 years. If he is genuinely sorry and wants to be a part of you and the kids' life I would give him another chance. BUT I would lay down some ground rules, like you always have to have a number to get ahold of him and have some idea of where he is going to be, no skipping town without a forwarding number or address! And what would he have done if one of the kids had gotten very ill or been in a horrible accident and died? Ask him that. He needs to prioritize his life. If he can't do that, I would cut him loose.
174761
I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope this helps. There a number of web sites dedicated to single dads with and without custody . they offer advise,emotional support and services and links to financial help for getting your support problems fixed or dissolved. I understand this so well, my ex has been stealing support from me the last 4 years and both my sons live with me due to his harsh abuse. The court has refused to acknowledge this fact allowing this theft to continue. Like you I have limited resources so fighting the Attorney General is not an option for me but I know that what comes around goes around. Hang in there and Bless you.
654255
First, get off the racial kick. It will only make you look worse in court and to everyone else.\n\nIf you are trying to get custody away from someone who already has the child, then there is the problem. Courts are not normally willing to take the child away from one parent and just give to the other without significant legal evidence (not just you and word of mouth). Do you have any solid evidence of the drug use and dealing? If not, you are out of luck. To the courts, every Tom, Dick and Harry and female counterparts yell "he's on drugs" when they want to be the custodial parent. They hear it a thousand times a day with no evidence to show for it. Now, if he gets arrested for it and you can get CPS involved, you may have a chance, but you will be investigated too, to make sure that you are living clean yourself. For your sake, I hope you are.
205792
I know exactly what you are going through!  I've been married to an alcoholic for the past 23 years.  He has always worked and provided for us.  We have two children, one who is grown already(22) and a son who is 13.  You need to sit with him and have a heart to heart talk with him, when he is not drinking (that's very important).  He sounds like a good man with a problem, just like my husband.  If you continue to let this go, even though it's already affecting you, believe me, things will change and not for the better.  After so many years, our marriage has gone down the drain, he even left me for another woman for several months. (A woman that drank and partied with him, of course).  He's back home with me but it's never going to be the same, because he's still drinking even though he's detoxed several times now.  I wish you the best of luck.  And one more very important thing.  Make sure you have resources to take care of yourself and your children.  I was left without any, and I'm making sure this never, ever happens to me again.  I won't allow it.  Take charge of yourself, because if he doesn't change, it's not going to get easier.  Take it from a pro. If need be, look up an Al-Anon meeting in your area.  They are very good in making you realize ways you can help yourself.  If anything do this for your kids.  Even though they may be mentally challenged and he doesn't drink around them, doesn't mean it's not going to affect them.  They are still young, but they won't be for long.  And if this affects you, it will definitely affect them.  Children have a sense of when their mommy is not happy.  Believe me.
333630
Listen very closely to what I'm telling you.  It's good advice.\n\nFirst, if your soon to be ex-husband is having dangerous affairs, if his lifestyle puts your children at risk, you could go to the CPS (Child Protective Services).\n\nDo you belong to a church?  Make an appointment during the week to tell a priest what is happening. He may know someone in the system who can help you.  Don't overlook this resource.\n\nWhen it comes to the justice system, forget about what is the truth, and what is right or wrong.  Lawyers are often working in their own self interest.  Everyone involved in the case is apt to make decisions based on what is easiest for them.  No one is going to risk their careers for you.\n\nIf you have accusations to make, you must be certain they can be substantiated:  names, dates, places, etc.  Do you have witnesses?  Will they testify under oath?  Will they sign a document certifying what they say is true?   There are RULES OF EVIDENCE, and judges will sometimes even forbid a person from making statements he considers irrelevant.\n\nRemember... people are going to do WHAT IS EASIEST for them.  If they're acting against you, stop making it so easy for them to ignore the truth.  Everyone has a boss.  You can always take this one step higher.\n\nI noticed you misspelled a few words.  Are you from this country?  Do you live here legally?  Do you have an education and can you support these children?  All these are very important factors that a judge will consider.\n\nThink very carefully before you act.  If your husband is actually a decent man, and could care better for the children, make the unselfish decision not to oppose him.\n\nBest of luck.
373779
I can tell you it is not easy, but if you have legitimate proof of the drug use you should be able to get a temporary custody change immediately and then work on permanent change of custody of the mother does not get straight. It may sound like it isn't really that hard. The main thing is that a court has to see that the mother is unfit to raise the child and it can take a long time to get custody for the child. It took my husband almost 2 years to get custody of his son after we filed for the custody change. But don't be discouraged. Do what is best for the child.  Good Luck!
377416
The Courts seriously frown on this...\n\nActually extinguising one's rights and responsibilities as a parent is a major deal in family law in any state.  Give this issue more time and thought.  On the other hand, If this guy physically abused you that's much different.  I would expect there would be people in the legal community to help you to do what you need to do.  Still, I think getting support from him is necessary.  My thoughts...\n\nCheck out this site for County by County resources in your state:\n\nhttp://www.illinoisattorneygeneral.gov/dvsa/violence_Victims.htm
222529
from my experience, he is in contempt of court by not following the judges orders.  this is pretty devious but it was done to me and it worked wonders...have an order of protection put on him and request custody of your daughter.  order of protection are much more than a restraining order.  police action will be taken anytime you request.  of course all you have to do is tell your lawyer or just go to the special victims unit and that you feel your life is in danger or has been threatened.  he will be screwed.  it still haunts me.  police used to call my cell phone and ask we i was at the moment.  all because she said i drove by the house.  none of what she told the police was true, and it didn't matter.  that order of protection sucks.  anytime he violates it, automatic 10 days in jail.  its dirty but its one way to stick it to him.  good luck.  oh, and there was no investigation to see if she was even telling the truth.  they just issued it and enforced it.
385067
Why are you still there?  Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical, maybe more because the wounds never truly heal.  First if you know you have a drinking problem, get help.  No doubt in my mind you are numbing yourself to the abuse, drinking to make it thru each day.  The problem is you're giving him a reason to belittle you and your kids are going to turn on you as well.  Drinking brings nothing but heart ache in the long term.  There are good counselors and idiots as well, remember they are just human beings with crap in their lives as well.  The guy was obviously screwed up to generalize abuse.  The worse part of this entire situation is the setting up of your children to think this is what relationships are....abusive and tragic.  They will look for the same and get the same.  Help yourself so you can help your kids.
273556
I would have him investigated. Seriously talk to people who really know him. Maybe he's just trying to ease his guilt of being a deadbeat dad for 7 yrs. What ever his intentions are he is not doing it for your child. I've never seen a child that could not sense good intentions in an adult, they are very perceptive. Your right in being concerned. Talk to your attorney. about keeping him away...and I would not put his name on her  birth certificate. That is something she will have her whole life. Doesn't sound like she would like to see his name anywhere near hers.
108752
Knowing how and why the child's father took her might be helpful.  Was it with your permission, or did he basically kidnap her from school one day?\n\nI don't get your analogy about John murdering Jane.  In your situation, you are the ONLY person who knows who this child's father it, and you've told the police it's him.  Why would you think they would doubt you, and treat this any differently?  \n\nI don't understand the question about discrimination because you haven't mentioned anything that would qualify in my mind as discriminatory.\n\nHaving said all that, let's talk about what you might be able to do:\n\n1.  Does your state have laws regarding child concealment?  California has several laws on the subject and if there are any similar laws where you are, they might be useful.\n\n2.  Going to family court is an excellent suggestion that I think was made by someone else.  An excellent idea. \n\n3.  Post some more details.  I'd be interested to know if there is any kind of general assistance involved here (what people used to call "welfare").  Is the father alleging some kind of bad parenting on your part?  Are you alleging any on his part?  Do you know where the child actually is?\n\nBut really...unless there is some kind of urgency you didn't talk about here, family law court is probably the best avenue you have at this point.
248334
He won't get custody, don't worry about that.  But make sure you have a good lawyer, you don't want to go in there without legal representation.  Make sure he doesn't get any overnight visitation if you can.  The baby is 3 months old and shouldn't be away from you very long at all.  Supervised visitation would be your best bet, I would push for that since he does drugs.