My 16 yr old stepson is very rude hateful and disrespectful to myself,his dad and my children.Example: I ask him to take the trash out..suddenly I'm a stupid b***h.I did not raise him so I can't take the fall for his actions.How would one handle this situation? This is a weekly battle and when he is'nt fighting w/ one of us he prefers to just be alone and not say anything at all.Hes almost a hermit except on weekends when he goes to his 'real moms' for the weekend where his GF also lives..HELP!
215117
Really difficult.......it sounds to me that he is fighting you all because it's easier than trying to get along for him right now.  I would sit him down and without getting angry just explain that there are going to be rules in your household from that moment on.  One of them being that no bad language is used.  I wouldn't give him random jobs to do but set a weekly agenda so he knows exactly what is expected of him.  Also have job lists for the other children.  Get them all to agree that they will complete there tasks, then he won't feel picked on the moment you ask him to do something.  You will just have to accept that his time spent in his other home is going to be his 'fun' time because his girlfriend etc is there.  Don't allow him to use this as a stick to beat you with.  The facts are he lives with YOU in YOUR house and must obey the house rules.  \n\nThe sitting in his room alone sounds a little worrying.  I think he wants people to come in to try and coax him out - it may be for attention or it may be that he just likes sitting on his own doing his own thing.  If there is someone in the house that he gets on the best with then send them into him occassionally to just chill with him for 5-10 minutes, stick your head around the door and just ask if he's OK.  \n\nHe is proably unhappy about his situation - every kid would prefer to be living with his real mom and dad.  He will get used to it but the more you fight with him the more you lose!  Set the rules and stick by them - not just for him but for everyone.  Good Luck.
327094
my daughter is 10 yrs. the same as yours she can be the sweetest thing and at times the devils advocate. There were times when i would get so enraged that i would hit her until once i pushed her and she hit a mirror and luckily didnt get hurt, after that i learned my lesson and went to a parenting class and learned to control my temper and talk to her when we have a problem.  I have a girlfriend who lives with me and 3 days ago she wanted to move out because of my daughters attitude at times.  At that age there is not much we can do but try to spend more time with them, and talk to them, but most kids dont want to talk, so you can always call the Maury show and see if that helps. Friends have a great deal with your childs decisions, they see a friend have something and automatically they want it. If a friend is allowed to do something or go somewhere why cant they.  Who has the right answer. i dont. but i hope my knowledge helped a little.  You can email me if you want to talk more about this at hilldisplayfixture@yahoo.com.
195088
Boy, I wish I had really discussed this BEFORE I married my first husband & took on the raising of his son. My husband was totally opposed to me disciplining his son. . .but perfectly willing to let me suffer the consequences of not having any authority with the child. Meaning, that kid ran all over me.\n\nAlso,kids don't understand that "fair" is not always "equal". It will be clearer for all if there are consistent rules for everyone. They might get upset that, say, they never had to be in bed by nine before, but that upset is nothing compared to how furious a kid would get if he had to be in bed at nine, but Janey got to stay up till whenever.\n\nTo this day, my brother resents our stepsister because he thinks she was treated better than us--and we're all in our thirties now! Our dad would never discipline her, but her mom would discipline us. So, again, we might have hated stepmom's new rules, but I doubt my brother would still be bitter if stepsister had had to accept our dad's rules.\n\nTry having a family council, if your kids are old enough, and through discussion & compromise, come up with your own "blended" standards & rules.
366030
I do feel badly for your son, but people are allowed to make fun of other people.  Personally I think that people who taunt others are despicable, but there isn't exactly a law against it.  \n\nHow to handle such situations is a life skill that needs to be learned by your son.  He won't always be in a controlled setting such as a school where to a certain extent behavior is regulated. Simply put, he needs to learn how to handle himself because he alone has the ability to control how he allows himself to be treated.\n\nIn a controlled setting such as a school it is certainly possible to try and restrict such behavior,  but realistically there is no way to enforce the restrictions 100% unless you are dealing with really small children. \n\nA lot depends on exactly what these boys are doing or saying to your son.  If it has become physical, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to get the police involved.  Absolutely no one has to put up with that.\n\nIf they are just plain making fun of him (his haircut, clothes, abilities, etc)  then your son needs to learn an effective way to deal with it.  That could range anywhere from simply becoming tougher emotionally to actually confronting the boys who are harassing him. \n\nYou didn't mention your son's take on all of this.  Does he find it simply annoying? Hurtful? Embarassing?  Could he care less?  What is his body language like? Is he confident?  Does he have low self-esteem?
300068
Depending on how old you are, you move out.  He's older and he's never going to change.  My father is the same age and is like this.  Our relationship got a lot better after I moved out.  He's very protective and critical of his little girl.  So I grant him that.  I'll give him the respect of listening to the important stuff and asking his advice on important stuff.  But if he busts me on stupid little things, I just say, yeah, yeah, yeah and ignore him.  Pick your battles and don't rise to the bait.  He's probably just trying to show his authority.  If you give him some authority in your life and simply let it roll of your shoulders on the stupid stuff, he'll get the hint and will appreciate the times you do give him control.  He's your father, and it's hard for father's to let their kids grow up.  He will get the hint though.  Eventually, children and parents reach a compromise.  Good luck!
385748
When I read this for a minute I was trying to think if one of my friends was asking the question. Lol. This is my mom! I have two kids, and she has only watched them a handful of times, and that is when I ask, like I have a doctors appt. ect. This was EXTREMELY hurtful when I had kids, because she too spends more time with her nieces, which are older. Anyway, I finally talked with her about it and she just explained that younger kids aren't her strong point. When they get older they are easier to care for and won't make one so flustered about getting into things. I've just learned to deal with it. I would advise you're friend to talk to her mom about it, I wrote a long three page letter, that wasn't rude, it was humble and got alot of things out in the open, that was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. But in the long run, things have been SO much smoother between us now. And she understands that it would be helpful for me to get out sometimes with my husband. Anyway, hope this helps. Remember she can't be defensive and rude about it, her mom is not obligated to watch them. But I've been there and done that. Good Luck!
571585
You should just ignor him don't drop what your doing and isolate yourself.  Ignor him.  If you can't concentrate just leave without saying a word.  If you listen it will bother you and make you want to yell back.  If you yell back he will be even more upset and that may lead to and awful fight.  Just tune him out.  I know my dad was a mean old man and blamed everything on me even though I was his little princess.  I tune him out and go about my business.
430643
My first response is to smack him!....No don't..lol...it would help if we knew how old he was. But parents, and I am a parent, we do stupid things. Sometimes or most of the time, without realizing it. If we are busy we pass things off on our children to do and when we hear complaints, whether legitimate or not, we don't want to hear it. We just want what we said done....done! We don't listen to reason. And we think, we know it all. That's why, I talk to my son all the time and not like the "after school special" talks, we simply talk about anything and everything and I try my best to be completely honest with him, even when I have done something wrong or bad...(not parent like). \nYou really need to sit down with your parents. You need to do this without your brother being there. It should be somewhere other then your home and you should be completely honest with your feelings and how they are treating the situation. If that doesn't work, try writing them a letter. If that doesn't work, then if you are older, realize your brother may be going through some changes in his body and mind, try talking to him and letting him know your feelings and see where that gets you. It is truly your parents problem and not yours, however, you are stuck in the middle. I hope this helps. You sound like a sound kid just looking for real advice and you deserve respect from your parents and brother.
224451
Wow. That is really unfortunate.\n\nYou probably won't like to hear this but probably the best thing is to leave your son alone and move on with your own life. I would still contact him in non-interfering ways such as to say happy birthday and maybe send him a christmas card and such. Start to slowly rebuild the relationship in this way.\n\nI imagine that there is a long term reason for some anger between you. Unless he is willing to go for some joint counselling the only thing that you can hope for is that time time will soften his stand. This assumes of course, that you can be nice to him, even if you're upset about the situation. I really don't see anything positive coming out of forcing the sitaution. You are competing with the child's parents and that is a no win situation.\n\nGood luck.
249555
I was in the same situation that you are in. Mine was also 5 years of age. This child hated me. Wouldn't give me the light of day. So this is what I did. I would ignore him at first. I found out what he liked and disliked. I started to watch power rangers with him and other shows. At first he didn't like it but then he got used to me being there. I would also play cars with him. Same way with the TV show. One time I asked him if he wanted to go with me to go get some hot wheels. Now we are really close. You just got to get at the child's level. Interact with the child more. The child maybe a brat at some times but show it. Kids can see right through you. This is there way of testing you.
609251
People who are abusive, whether it be physically, verbally, or emotionally, are number one, as a male, more likely to do this to a female.  Because they do not have the guts to go against a male.  And yes, they will come back and apologize, and then do it again, and apologize, and do it again, and apologize, and do it again, and apologize, and do it again, and apologize.  See a patten here?  People like that, depend on the kindness of others, to not go up against Them, and to demand that this type of behavior be stopped.  When You say a special friend, if You mean abusive, You are correct.  And You are not doing them any favors, by allowing this to continue.  His self esteem is real low, and chances are more likely than not, this stems back from His Childhood.  And there is also a reason in Your past, that allows this to seem like the norm.  Doesn't mean You can't try to help Him, You just have to be out of harm's way to do so.  He needs some Anger Management.  That is where I would start.  And Be Careful, this is only going to escalate, get bigger, larger, more difficult to handle, intensify, go awry.  Don't set Yourself up for a life like this.  If Your a Minor, get your Families assistance.  You have to shine light into the darkness, unless You want to be left in the dark, alone, one day, to deal with it by Yourself.  If You think that I am being overdramatic, don't do anything, let things stay the same way, and then write us back in a couple of months, if You can.  I have worked in this area, for many years, where this is almost an every day fact of life.  Some get lucky, some don't.\n\nGod Bless
322893
Don't be offended, but have you thought about taking anger management? Or maybe even a career as a collections agent? You seem to have a hair trigger, throwing things at somebody just because you don't like them? That is beyond rude, why not ignore them instead, because it sounds like you might end up in several fights once you're in the adult world, or at least very alone. Does the word *bully* ever get thrown your way? By-the-way, the teachers see how you treat people and that is why they can't stand you. I would say that maybe a reality check is or should be at the top of your to-do list. Good luck w/ your attitude adjustment.\nBrandy\n *added comment*\nI think you don't have a mom, because any mom would knock you to your a$$ for acting like that. TIME FOR BRAT CAMP IN THE MOST REMOTE CORNER OF THIS PLANET where nobody is subjected to being in the same state or country with you!
312237
People, in general, who run around boasting and making bad comments about others are trying to get attention. ANY attention, good or bad. Doesn't matter to them, their goal is to get a reaction, a response, whatever, from the person that they're speaking to- or speaking AT, in his case. Ignore him. \nIf you respond- you're giving him validation for his behavior. If you ignore him, he's left there, with himself. \nOnce he realizes he's "no fun to be stuck with" he might change his attitude. But, if someone else engages in his childish behavior, he'll move on to them- and you won't have to worry about it anymore.\n(www.thedorkymom.com)
269661
You don't ... yet. You may want to think long and hard about why your family hates him. We have a 17 year old daughter, and there have been people that we've told her not to bring to our house again. That doesn't mean she doesn't hang out with them anymore ... we're not stupid ... but they aren't allowed around us because they disrespected us and our home. \n\nIf you know why your family hates him and the issue cannot be resolved, you may want to try and keep this to yourself until you're in a position to move out of the house. A good, smart parent knows deep down that once a child turns 17 they're pretty much going to make their own decisions regardless of what we think or how we feel about it. It's a natural progression.
489191
DAY at a TIME. If you still love him then try reverse psychology. Be nice to him, agree with what he says, and he will not know what to do or say. Be mature and tell him, ....OH, I am so tired of us not getting along...it is so old. Interfere in your life? He is still part of your life because of the kids, and he will always be a part. Try it, what could it hurt? I went through the same things, my kids would say....she wants us to call her mom... Then I said ...how lucky...you have two moms. ... And honey, if something were to happen to me, then she would take care of you. IT works !!  I used psychology to get control of any situation..  Oh  and if you want to get him back , just tell him.. I had a dream of us, when we first met, do you remember or say positive things, like...the kids did something today and it reminded me of you, they sure are just like their father. If you are still married, there is still hope if that is what you really want. Good Luck !
294380
I hate when someone is being mean to some one else, it's so wrong, but the best thing to do is walk away and avoid that person and ignore it and eventually it will be no fun to them anymore and they'll move on to someone else, telling a parent sometimes makes it worse and talking back only makes trouble...just ignore it, it'll pass, be strong and show them word's and there actions can't hurt you...God bless, I'll pray about it for you
255229
Welcome to puberty and life with a teenager...particularly one with a stepfather. Just be as good a parent as you can be and talk with her when she will allow conversation. In the meantime try to figure out if she reacts the way she does due to some action she feels is unjust. Discipline without a relationship never works. If she is disrupting your family life constantly you and her mom need to find out why and try to correct this even if it is with a counselor.