My boyfriend says he has reason to believe his ex wife was sexually and emotionaly abused as a child.  The marriage was very bad with both physical and emotional abuse from her, and he defending himself and doing it back.  Now I am in a relationship with him for 2 1/2 years, and he periodically gets in a rage and has physically hurt ne 3 times and screams when he is angry, other times he is wonderful and sensitive and wonderfully loving.
217010
That is inexcusable and if he does not agree to counseling immediately and promises to stop the violence and rages leave. Get out. It is bad enough he is perpetuating the cycle of abuse, but he is trying to rationalize it because of what happened to him. Bad news.\n\nDon't get caught in the cycle. You are obviously aware it is wrong. Even if this doesn't work out, make sure you get your needs taken care of afterward in counseling or some kind of group setting for victims of abuse. Good luck and much love.
323592
Wow. Simliar to what I'm going through but except with cheating with the brother. I'm 20 and I noticed that since me and my ex bf had a age gap of nearly 12 years it was hard for us to work out our problems. He loves you and he doesn't want to lose you. Maybe your husband and his brother should talk this matter over. There might be rage but it's better then losing someone that you may never see again due to unforeseen future ahead of one. Before me and my ex ended our relationship I told him about how hurt I was that he treated me like "shit". He took the time to understand what he was doing to hurt me. You can try talking it over with him. If matters aren't resolve, I think it would be wise to end the relationship and move on. It's wrong for you to have to put up with his "shit". I'm truly sorry that you are going through this but we do learn from our mistakes. Good luck.
81135
Not good.  First, he is taking you for granted.  He sees no consequences for his actions and treats you like the dog that gets kicked for no good reason.  He may have frustrations, but has failed to learn or remember who really cares for him above all others.  This is a sign of emotional immaturity.  He needs a wake up call and needs to grow up.  How would he feel if the shoe where on the other foot?  He probably wouldn't stand for it, so why should you?  Don't.  The next time he pulls this crap, I suggest you react in a calm, yet defiant manner by explaining that you care for him, while he seems to have forgotten what a healthy supportive relationship is.  If he wants someone to take out his anger on, then he's got the wrong woman.  End of story, so no more of this behavior against me...no hard feelings.
16270
Hello there,well i did have to stop to this question my dera!A question that i myself use to ask myself awhile ago,but for a long time now resolved!Now I really get the feeling that this questions also is asking for help and desperate mesures!Now i Do Not Know your Case..But I can Feel it!My Name is Smaara,I am from Canada a,Quebec,I am also Glad To answer this for You..But I am Also Offering You My Help!Now your Question Is Why Do Woman Always Get abused?-Well I have To say That in My entire life abuse was part of it..since i was 2 years old,You see i do not know you,and i know that you are living things that you do not deserve at all!In a Womans Life..She Who Has been Living With abuse,either Physical Or Phsycological is even if she doesnt want it seems to be attracted to it...If You had Abused since a very young age..when you reach teenager..you have the bad gift of usiing this vicious circle..that even without knowing!I Had a Really Rough Life Of Abuse...Believe me You Need To Get Out Of IT!Stop Now and Think About It...What Has Your Life Has Been Breing You With all The abuse You have Been Experiencing!I Lived it But Also Studied It and If You Do Not Btreak Up This Circle That Is around You,Following your Eveysteps Of Your Everyday Life Well...No Maen To Scare You But some Dont Make It OUt!Lots Of Woman Will Use The Help Hotline Our Abuse line..That is Not Your Way Out,And That My Dear Is What I Know,You need TO Get Out..Not Tomorrow,Not In a WEek,But asap.....Men Love To Abuse Woman Because Thery Feel It Gives Them Power,Yes Power Over You..He has a Nee To Feel that He Controls Youre Every Move And As Far As I KNow...I think That You Do Not Need That..Especially With The Life YOu Had!Mister Feels SO Important...But Let Me Tellk YOu,,Mister si Nothing But A Looser!Break it now while its Not To Late..You Need Help..I am There For You Even If You Do Not Know me.Read Below Plesae.
589010
Have you lost your mind?! Do you know any part of the story? Whetther it be true or via media? He used to like puching his women, to show off his ego, well story goes that She knocked him out for beating up on her too much and that's why they are no longer together. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Even the most beautiful, have their quirks.
341061
A couple things I can say on this coming from "experience".  The only time anyone would be suspicious of you is if they themselves were doing something they shouldn't be.  Most importantly and very concerning is this... \nI'm not sure how long you have been together or what your relationship is like, but there are distinct signs of future abusive behaviors here.  Your best option is to discuss this with him and express your concerns.  If he's not willing to tell you or worse it explodes into an argument, cut your losses (no matter how hard it may be) and leave.  Reality should tell you if you can't talk, there's no future.  No one deserves to be treated like that and you should have more respect for yourself to know there is someone out there that will treat you the way you should be.\nGood luck to you...
341535
im going thru the same sort of thing. my relationship is way longer than yours and my guy is 24 and he is also working on a degree for computer science and forensics....i thought that was normal until i would go to his place and he would ignore me...i would just walk away and ignore him back! most of the times i fell asleep listening to music on my MP3 player which is sad! now my bf sort of passed that phase where videogames were his world but he still plays them and  the only thing i can do is to do my homework or read a book or be on my cell or cook or something. ...your bf is going thru some weird videogame stage where he wants to beat a level and he cannot therefore he gets frustrated therefore he curses and uses bad words because he is mad...! keep yourself preoccupied while he plays for lets say 2 hours tops and that is it! have a talk with him and tell him that if you are over you would appreciate it if he would nor curse and to pay attention to you and not the videogames! if he gets mad which he will tell him that he can play his game for an hour and then you two can watch a DVD and he cannot comment or make excuses!if he keeps it up just get  out of the relationship honestly since if he is willing to pay more attention to some stupid game and not the time he has with you he is taking you for granted! as for you putting up with his tantrums well, just get out of the relationship because you never know what can trigger him to go at your throat or call you names or curse you! he seems to have anger management problems and just because he has a bad day does not give him the right to take it out on you!!!!!! wha next, he will become physically abusive but by "accident" since he cannot control his temper?think of all the worst case scenarios and then think if you want to be with a guy who is obsessed with video games, does not spend quality time with you, treats you poorly, takes out his stress or bad day on you and gets aggrivated with you? even if you love him please leave him and i am giving you this advice as a friend since i am 22 also and in college, because he is pushing you away and throwing away the good relationship he has or by his actions he seems not to care for you anymore.. he takes you for granted and you are his outlet to release his stress and anger and bad day and nothing more... if he actually loved you he would spend time with you and would not treat you so poorly or take out his bad day on you but rather act nice, sweet, would not curse if he knew you hated it !\n\n\ningrid
574056
Although my boyfriend is grown, I had to watch him battle with his mother when he decided to get from under her and make life a better for himself. She did everything she could to undermind him. She belittled him, spread rumors, stole from him, brought drama to our home to break us up... You name it, she did it. Eventually he had to cut her completely from his life. It's been eight months since he last seen or spoken to her. What finally did was she lied and called the police on him, trying to get him arrested. I honestly think that something is wrong with her mentally.
503290
Sweetie, just because he isn't physically abusing you doesn't mean he's not still abusing you.  He's traded in the fists for emotional abuse.  That's what he's doing when he tells you he hates you and other hurtful things.  You need to get out of that relationship as soon as you can.  get yourself into some counseling so you understand why you chose to be with an abuser, and move on.  I understand completely where you're coming from, I've been there.  Since I've gone to counseling and stuff, I've come to understand myself so much better.  You will, too.  When you do, it will help you choose a different type of guy.....one that won't abuse you.  I've finally found my Mr. Right, and you will, too.  You just need to get out of this relationship.  Email me if you want to talk some more.  I'm a good listener :)
305423
It is wonderful that you understand that he has been through so much as a military man, and at the same time, you see a very big difference in him, or is it? The anger may come from the issues that he dealt with in Iraq, but the way he treats you does not. If he has started to hit you, even once, and he got away with it, he will do it again.\nYou are putting yourself in a bad situation if you stay with him. He will eventually turn to more and more violence. Get out of there before you are hurt badly.\nYour parents and family aren't just over dramatic, they are trying to show you that they care about you, and want what is in your best interest. Listen to your instincts, not your heart. Your heart is misleading you into thinking that it was only once that he hit you. The next time your heart will tell you something else, and each time you will try to justify his behavior by convincing yourself that you did something wrong to make him do this. It isn't you, it is him. He needs to seek some counseling in regaurds to the experiences that he faced over there, and he needs to recognize that he has been exposed to some traumatic things in life that he can't deal with on his own. But you need to get away from him.\nI was also in the military and have seen first hand how things like this effect relationships. Believe me when I tell you he has lost himself, and needs professional help in finding himself again.
602176
Believe it or not, this just happened to me last night.  My boyfriend was married for 11 years and they split up 9 months ago.  We have been going out for the last two months.  Last night, after about two beers, he looked me right in the eyes and said "I love you so much Ch*&^%)(*%$#."  I couldn't believe it.  He kept telling me he was so sorry and I know he felt terrible, but It is eating at me today too.  I know it was an accident and he didn't mean it, so I have decided to just force myself to stop thinking about it.  I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want to go back to her.  He is very loving and attentive in so many ways, so my advice to both of us is to stop being so sensitive and admit that our boyfriends are human.  They make mistakes, I wouldn't want him to crucify me if I were in his shoes.\n\nGood Luck.
287939
All men are not what you described. I was reading this and shaking my head thinking....this sounds like warning signs of an abusive relationship. I don't mean to be accusatory, but I would just like you to recognize signs...like....\n\nPossessive or jealous behavior toward girlfriend\nWhether in public or private, possessiveness and jealous accusations often precede and follow violence. The abusive boyfriend will often attempt to socially isolate his girlfriend by "forbidding her" to see or talk to others or by making frequent accusations of infidelity which force her to limit her social life in order to appease him. \n\nSee link below for other signs. Be honest with yourself and if this sounds like your BF I suggest you leave or get counseling. Easier said than done...I know. \n\nGood luck!
117846
I warn my husband about this all the time.  I feel me and him don't have a deep mutual understanding of each other.  You know how with some people you have that love and understnading and emotional connection and with others you don't.  he and I don't have that - thought we did but we rushed into the marriage.  I keep telling him that if he continues to be that way - he complains and argues about everything that I am interested in and criticizes me for the way I do things ..doesn't understand the real me. We just doesn't have that real true love "connection" as your wife calls it and "emotional" understanding for one another ... he has no idea what i mean when i explain this to him; I tell him he's gonna be the guy that 10 years down the road the wife will say "i want a divorce" and the entire time he would never see it coming and would wonder "where did I go wrong - i thought everything was fine" ... but you know what .. I commend you for reading books and seeing a counselor.  I try to read books about this stuff to my husband and he gets mad and defensive or he'll just ignore what I'm reading to him.  If she doesn't give you that chance to work it out then she is just fed up and there is no hope.  Give her a little more time - although she probably feels less hurt becasue she knows you are still wanting to be with her so she's not scared about this time apart.  If you were to act like her and accept it - then it would scare her.  When I threaten to leave sometimes and he is beggin for me not to, I feel the urge to leave even more because I know I have the upper hand and he's wrong.  But .. if he would act like he wouldn't care for ex: one time he said "fine I'll pack your bags for you" I felt really vulnerable and hurt but it scared me ... and we ended up making up instead of me leaving.   Take everyones advice - just take it day by day - you'll be fine and she'll come around - if its over just let it go .. use what you have learned to help you out later.  Just note that women need emotional attention and understanding- we are weird like that.
251054
I dont think that sounds normal no! I am very shy person ex. they had to cut my underwear off to give birth to my daughter. lol (i can see the funny side of it now)\n\nMy first relationship was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. I still have bad memories of that! It still affects me even till today! ex if someone walks towards me and moves suddenly I cringe!\n\nI have another partner now who is wonderful. Hes been my best friend for years. I am not use to being treated like a queen. He showers me with gifts and tells me a hundred times a day he loves me. At first I was embarassed and didnt know what to answer him. He perservered! Now I am proud and have no problem in telling him I love him in front of anyone! My friends wish they had him for a partner because hes such a beautiful person. They actually envy me! lol\n\nThis woman is your wife! Did she have trouble saying yes I love you (I do) in the wedding ceremony?? I think not. Obviously because yous are married!\n\nI seriously think she has no excuse for this other than maybe some of her so called friends are male and dont know about you ;) or that her feelings for you might not be as genuine and she tells you at home to shut you up. Sorry this might not be something you want to hear!\n\nI think your best bet is to ask her straight out and ask her to promise you to be totally honest with you!\n\nGood Luck with everything!
641633
A lot has to do with your own self-esteem (how do you feel about yourself and what will you allow another person to do to you). You've been married to him for 10 yrs so something has kept you staying with him for so long (maybe love and/or kids or he's a good provider)....however sometimes people do grow apart and it's time to make a new beginning for yourself even if he's been apologizing after physically and emotionally abusing you --- you see, his inappropriate actions tell you all that you need to know...there truly is someone else out there who'll treat you better --- so improve your looks and attitude and go find him.
100124
yes, because i could understand if she had trust issues because of past things. alot of ppl do. and if he really loved her then he should be able to forgive her. they just need to sit down and have a real conversation on this matter. she needs to explain why she has trust issuses and tell him it is not him. but things in the past. he doesnt forgive her hes not worth it. (vote me best answer plz)
195475
I think its mostly genetic, but high stress can cause a series of other mental disorders. I am sorry your ex husband has been mistreating you, I hope you find someone who can protect you from him.