Im really insecure about myself, have no confidence and its starting to ruin my life. I always think my fiance is lying or is going to cheat on me when i know his not. I trust him with all my heart and know that he would never do that to me but i dont know what it is i just get these stupid thoughts in my head! i always think my friends are lying to me and that everyones keeping things from me. how can i overcome this? its reckoning everything...
213797
You really need to see a doc about this. You may have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Paxil, prozac, or something like that may help tremendously.
591697
Sounds like deep seated feelings of inadequacy... this usually passes with time... we all go through a phase in our adolescence when we doubt ourselves, self confidence comes with age and experience for most people. I myself had an epiphany while reading a book by a man named Richard Feynman, entitled "So what do you care what other people think?" and I just 'got over it'. When you stop caring what others think about you it is a very liberating feeling, you should look forward to it. Best of luck.
242985
Why do you lie?  I think you need to become aware of your reasons for lying.  You need to remove the underlying (no pun intended) cause.  If you have a feeling of insecurity, then that needs dealt with.  If you are doing things you are ashamed of, then you need to stop doing those things.  It really just depends on your reason for it.\n\nIf you don't know the reason, or you can't fix the underlying problem, I recommend counselling.  That can be very helpful IF you get a good counsellor.  I find good counsellors very hard to come by.  I think those ones that don't say anything and just sit there and stare at you are pretty worthless.  Get one that actually TELLS you something.
42331
i had the same problem when i just got married with my husband.  i'm a jealous type too and very insecure with everything.  and he cheated on me not only once but twice.  i know its crazy to forgive him after cheating twice but forgiving him wasnt a mistake.  i tried to snooped on his stuff to find something that he might be hiding from me.  i was so insecure with his friends because it seemed like he was having more fun with them than his own wife.  we almost filed a divorce but i didnt want to lose him eventhough he cheated on me and he was neglecting me. i believed that i married this guy and i am willing to live with him forever.  we went to counseling and it was good.  it opened his eyes.  but i thought it was all his fault.  the counselor did pretty good explaining that i did some mistakes too.  i was so focus on my jealousy and forgot about our marriage.  after that i seen his effort to change and he really did.  he regrets everything. and now we already 5 years marriage and proud to say we're getting strong.\n\ni am sharing u this because i think what i've been through is the same as what your situation right now.  dont let her leave u.  if there is still a way to stay together then do it.  honestly, even i see my husband changed a lot - his past still hauting me sometimes.  its not easy to forget.  u have to go counseling or get somebody to help u out.  u have to talk to her.  communication is the best key to a happy marriage.  i know she cheated on u but give her a chance.  there's nothing wrong if give it a try for the second time.  if u guys talk - listen to her and let her listen to u.  this is what i've learned from the counseling...when u guys talking, dont use YOU.  like u did that, u did this.  thats blaming.  use I.  be calm and if she says something will hurt u.  dont be mad - listen to her.  only both of u can resolve your problem.  i believe that marriage is not always about sex, being happy and successful.  having ups and downs are very normal. show her u love and u care for her.  maybe u are doing what i did - focusing on my jealousy and not your marriage.   \nbefore its too late, go seek some help..good luck!!!
556931
All of your life, your man will be in the vicinity of pretty, likeable, interesting women.  He will have to make the choice again and again to value his commitment to you enough to conquer temptation.  You have to decide whether you trust him.  \n\nIf you don't trust him, leave.  There is nothing worse than feeling like a nagging, jealous, insecure wreck, constantly judging your own attractiveness against that of the pretty women who walk by.  You cannot be a wreck and give him the love he needs, nor can you enjoy the relationship at all.  If you can't trust him, then it doesn't matter what you've sacrificed for this relationship. Having lost in the past doesn't excuse losing in the future.  \n\nIf you do trust him, stay.  Stay, and make that same leap of faith you did at the beginning of the relationship, before he hurt you.  I know it's hard- I've been there. Make yourself vulnerable again.  Decide to trust him.  Stop trying to be detective and psychologist and judge.  Decide that he won't cheat on you, and that furthermore, if he does cheat on you, you are content to be the fool who's the last one to know.  Love him and allow him to love you, with the same delight and innocence of the beginning of your relationship.  \n\nYou have to decide whether or not you can trust him and then you have to follow through on your decision.  I don't know if you should marry him because I'm sure there's more you haven't told me.  But I do know that for a marriage to work, a woman has to learn to forgive her husband- completely, and move on from whatever he did that injured her.  If you can't do that with him, if you'd rather start over with a man less likely to hurt you in that way, you have to be honest with yourself about it.  \n\nIf you decide to stay (and honestly, I think you should), how should you handle this woman?  Well, first you have to spend some time completely ignoring her existence.  Just cut her out of the list of possible topics of discussion with your man, your friends and your family.  Stop talking about her, stop thinking about her, stop paying attention to where she shows up and whether your man is there too.  To the degree you do acknowledge that she exists, it's as one of your man's many friends and acquaintances, not special in any particular way.  Stop feeling threatened by her.  You are HIS woman.  She is just A woman, no matter their history.  No one else can touch your status with him, nor approach it in importance.  \n\nThen, after some time has passed (give it at least a month or two of not acting like a jealous b*tch), and you have won your man's trust, start being friendly to this woman.  When you see her around, go up to her and strike up friendly conversation.  It can be about the weather, it doesn't matter.  Try to be nice.  Remember what they say: keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.  There are many good reasons to  be nice to her.  First of all, she may feel more shame about acting like a homewrecker.  Second, if your boyfriend's family loves her and you plan on marrying him, she will be a part of your life for decades.  You need to get used to her presence in your life now, and put it in terms you can live with.\n\nP.S.  Get your G.E.D.  Without an education, you've got fewer options, and you can back yourself into a corner and feel helpless. No man is a good enough excuse to stop taking care of yourself, and your HS diploma is something you really need.
555780
trusting people takes time. especially when you once had it and then lost it. i think that you should be VERY patient with her. don't turn her insecurities into an argument. try to understand where she is coming from. i think that if you don't lie continuously, she'll eventually trust you. believe me...
620363
NOT TO BE MEAN SWEETIE, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE POSITIVE HE'S NOT CHEATING.  NOW REALLY, HOW CAN YOU BE SO POSITIVE?  IS HE JUST THE ONLY MAN WHO WOULD NEVER CHEAT?  HE MUST BE.  AND AGAIN, I'M NOT SAYING THIS TO BE CRUEL.  IT'S JUST THAT YOU SEEM TO BE BLINDED AND I'M TRYING TO OPEN YOUR EYES UP TO THE POSSIBLITIES.  IT WON'T HURT AS MUCH, SHOULD YOU FIND OUT AN AWFUL TRUTH.\n\nI THINK IT HURTS MORE WHEN YOU'RE COMPLETELY BLIND SIDED AND YOU'RE LIKE WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?  WELL I'LL TELL YOU, A SEMI TRUCK JUST CRUSHED YOU, YOUR LIFE, YOUR HOPES, YOUR DREAMS, ETC...............\n\nAND I'M NOT SAYING HE'S CHEATING, CUZ I DON'T KNOW HIM.  POOR GUY, BUT HIS BEHAVIOR DOES INDICATE SIGNS OF CHEATING.  IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ALONE WITH YOU.  MAYBE HE'S GUILTY, MAYBE YOU MAKE HIM EXTREMELY NERVOUS.  MAYBE HE'S SHY.\n\nTHE ANTS IN HIS PANTS, WELL SOUNDS LIKE A GUY WHO JUST KEEPS ON GOING AND CAN'T STOP FOR TWO SECONDS TO TAKE A BREAK.  THAT'S NORMAL I GUESS, AS NORMAL AS NORMAL GETS.  THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.  THE PROBLEM IS HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.  THAT'S THE BIG ISSUE HERE.\n\nYOU REALLY NEED TO EITHER KEEP YOUR FEELINGS ON THE DOWN LOW, OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE ANY OTHER SIGNS LURKING AROUND AND CATCH HIM WITH HIS PANTS DOWN; OR YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND TALK TO HIM. COMMUNICATION IS A HUGE THING IN A RELATIONSHIP AND PEOPLE FORGET THAT.  HOW MANY RELATIONSHIPS WOULD NOT BE SAVED IF ONLY THE COUPLES WOULD SIT DOWN AND FREAKING TALK THINGS OUT FOR ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEZ.\n\nSO TALK TO HIM, TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, ASK HIM WHY HE'S AVOIDING YOU.  IS IT SOMETHING YOU SAID, SOMETHING YOU DID?  FIND OUT WHY AND DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH, AH IT'S NOTHING HONEY, YOU'RE JUST BEING SILLY.  OR HEAVEN FORBID HE GET IRATE WITH YOU AND PUT IT ALL ON YOU.  CUZ BABY GIRL THAT'S ANOTHER SIGN OF CHEATING.  THEIR GUILTY AND WHEN YOU CALL THEM ON SOMETHING, THEY PUT IT ALL ON THE OTHER PERSON.\n\nI WISH YOU LUCK AND HOPE THAT YOU RESOLVE THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.  CUZ I FEEL FOR YOU, I MEAN WHY DO WE GET MARRIED IF NOT FOR A LOVE, A LOVER, A COMPANION, A FRIEND AN EVERYTHING?  ALSO I FORGOT TO ANSWER YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION: DO I THINK YOU'RE OVER REACTING?  HELL NO!  SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT.  YOU FIND OUT.  TAKE CARE.
75301
The problem lies with yourself - thus, the remedy is for you to correct your perception, thinking, belief, conviction.  Then, your feelings will follow based on what you have in your mind.  You know that your crazy thoughts are not logical.  You have to, as Socrates said before "Know thyself."  There is an intrinsic insecurity underlying jealousy.  It's something that you have to handle.  Try to get self-help books that deal with this matter.  If you exert efforts to improve yourself in this matter, you will be rid of this defect.  Good luck.
193105
Insecurity. Self esteem problems. He thinks that no one will like him if he isn't "prestigious". Maybe you could boost his morale. Tell him how proud you are of him, for whatever accomplishments you know of...or just a quality about him that you really like.\n\nI wouldn't necessarily consider this to be compulsive lying..such as an habitual liar..as that's usually a psychological disorder that people who suffer from it really can't help, sorta like kleptomania.\n\nAnyway, if you love him and he's important to you, try and fix the behavior by honing in on the good in him so that he doesn't feel the need to get outside approval and validation based on lies. Good luck.
212368
Stop thinking about it !! Too much thinking and wondering brings about trouble... He may not be as emotional as you by nature, but this doesn't mean he doesn't love you just as much... If you keep up the worrying and the wondering it will show you as insecure, he will get bored with you and will drift away, men don't like insecure women who lack confidence... Just love him and trust him and enjoy your marriage as long as you have it...Good luck
547092
I am very insecure and have been for a very long time.  The one thing I can advise is to talk about your problems.  There is help out there if you ask for it - speak to your GP if you'd like to talk to someone professional.\nTake care x
411567
Fisrt of all i'm sorry to hear that you have a problem. Second, my fiancee suffers from social anxiety as well, he is generally much better then he was...so it's good to know that it's curable, right? ;) Thing that you need and that could help is therapy! It helped my fiancee too! However, when he was diagnosed I knew nothing about it so i googled it and came with this cool site that could be of a great help to you too...maybe to know you are not alone and to make you feel free in telling and discovering your own brakes. Anxiaty is general is irrational fear, fear of being judged....but let me tell you one thing - NOBODY on this world is perfect :) \nP.S. DON'T TAKE MEDICATIONS ON YOUR OWN!!!!! U COULD ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!!!\nHere is the site:\nwww.socialanxietysupport.com\n\nAnd if you need somebody to talk to, who was there in a way....feel free to send me an email: lina_girl06@yahoo.com
484152
there is no problem with you honey,, but there is a secret in terms of friendship which you should know, self confidence is very important in any relationship, u should believe in urself first then others will believe in you and lean on you as a friend ,, do not take much attention on what other people think or what they do, ,just do whatever your heart says and be a good leader,its really successful way , u should try \nbest wishes
310742
Being cheated on more than once shows that you are making bad choices of people you chose to date.\n\nThere is nothing wrong in being afraid of being hurt again. But, only you have the power to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.\n\nTake some time to learn from your past mistakes. I bet there are many similarities in those people who cheated on you. Identify what those similarities are. So, then in the future you can avoid letting that type of person in your life. Also you have an issue of loneliness. This is probably the biggest factor in the choices you have made. You wanted so bad not to be lonely, that you dated anyone for the mere fact of not being alone. Right there is the start of making bad choices. It has become a vicious circle. Only you can decide to get off the marry-go-round.\n\nDon’t let the ‘feeling’ lonely run your life.\nDon’t think you don’t have an identity unless you have someone else.\nDon’t you have any goals or dreams for yourself? Fill your own life with setting goals and achieving them. Surround yourself with friends and family who support your goals and maybe even help you accomplish them.\n\nIf people don’t like you when your not dating, ask yourself why?\nPeople tend to like to be around happy people. If your going around complaining that you are lonely and being depressed, maybe your friends are tired of it. Or Maybe you could use some new friends.\nIf you are always going to depend on others to make you happy you will always be setting yourself up for the eventual disappointment.\nOther people don’t want to be responsible for your happiness. That is a lot to ask of someone. How can you expect someone else to make you happy when you don’t even make your self happy. You expect someone to do for you what you won’t even do for yourself.\n\nBeggars can’t be choosy.\nDon’t be a beggar anymore. Become a chooser. And learn from your past to choose wisely.
176960
Been there! Finish with him, may sound harsh but you will feel so much better! Not all men are like it. I now have the perfect bloke who I can trust and he trusts me. It is so nice to go out with him and not worry about who I may be talking to or looking at! \nAlso ask your friends opinion, they will tell you the truth about him and you should trust their opinion they only have your happiness in mind!
183975
I am going through the same thing, my boyfriend has not cheated on me, but he makes me misserable, when I look at him I want to throwup. I just take it one day at a time, also exercise is a good way to realease endorphins, and those help make you happy, I probably spend to much time exercising, but at least it is productive. I wish I could give you some better advice, I would say break up with him, but sometimes that is hard to do, if you need someone to talk to let me know, I am always here to help.
291226
been there done that...and all i can say is that no matter what others say this is really something you have to get over yourself\n\ni went out with the same guy three different times over two and a half years. he cheated on me every single time and still i kept going back. finally after the third time something clicked. i was ready to marry this guy, i had the ring and everything. after the third time, i would hang out with him because i figured i could be just friends but that didnt work.\n\ni still think about him, i still love him, but i am happily married to the greatest guy in the world. the only thing that helped was time, and my own determination.\n\ngood luck