Our main issue is I can watch my husband talk with other people. Give opinions, take opinions, give advice, take advice, and have :normal coversations. But with me....no chance. I have to explain before I start to talk that it's an opinion or it's only advice and he still get's mad at me. He says I think he's stupid although when I ask him to explain what I do or say that makes him feel this way he has no answer. I have never called him stupid, dumb, or anything similar. I have always tried to be his support. I was married before and this is his first. I have never had this type of communication break down before. I now live in a home where I avoid having simple day in and out talks. I am silent and cannot answer when he asks what's wrong because I just repeat myself. I love him but I am feeling very loney on an emotional level. I don't have my spouse to talk to. I avoid eye contact so he doesn't have to see the sadness in my eyes and I've had thoughts I've never imagined I would. :o(
205963
Your relationship is heading towards doom if this can't be resolved...If you think your opinion is not acceptable to him, just do say anything for the sake of peace.  Speak only if it brings favor on the situation.  I think your husband should also be counseled coz he seemed narrow-minded, if you can't afford to tell him as he will get mad, ask the help from people close to him without jeopardizing your name. Goodluck!
641613
Take the time to sit and talk about your feelings. Make sure he understands that you care about what he doing, not just nagging. It is you right to know what is happening and when. If he loves and cares for you as well then he will listen and be compassionate of your feelings. Don't ever be afraid to show true emotions. Healthy relationships and marriages are based on emotions and feelings. If both parties are misunderstood then solutions become harder to achieve.\n\nHope this helps\nMatt
340915
Do you really think you should be on here saying this? Maybe you should be going to talk to your hubby about it and you never know he may feel the same way. How would you feel if he saw this and found out that way before you even talked to him? Think about it.
429049
Hi, has he always been like this or is it just the spell you've been arguing.\nMarriage is hard work and needs constant nuturing from both sides to feel loved by the other side.\nSome people (men and women) have difficulty in expressing themselves, is this your husband?\nIf so, maybe you accepting this as him and noticing the other ways he does express love will help, but there is nothing like a hug and hearing how we are loved so do understand where you are coming from.\nA husband and wife will either knit together over the years or move in opposite directions (like my ex and I) but for it to work you must be moving in the same direction. \nTalking to him and continuing to express yourself, your love is all you can do really, and hope he hears you before you change, because you will in time.\nMaking time for those special moments will also help, there is always another little trick we can pull out the hat to surprise him, reveal another mystery about yourself-try it-remind him of why he got with you. ;)\nJust keep trying until he either wakes up or loses out with the woman he fell for and married, I wish you both luck xxx
341886
Seeing that your husband is at fault an open conversation is the only way you could hope to change this situation, that's if you and your marriage are important enough for him to be willing to participate! It could be worth a try, especially if perhaps he's not aware of your unhappiness. \n\nIf he is not willing to listen to reason, then a tempory separation might do the trick for both of you. It will not only give you a break, but also a chance to decide if you really want to go on with your marriage. And maybe it will give him time to get his act together! \n\nI hope it helps a bit. Be strong and don't let him run you over!
667194
no my husband is definitely not my best friend.he is though very loving  but he considers everything  in utilization of time. he cant waste his single minute on silly talks  or talks which can not provide him any knowledge.he spends his every minute productively  and so i have made few chatter friends  n they have really proved helpful in my solitude
654969
Your situation appears to be one of your husband using very poor judgment.Other than what you've already done to remedy the drama he has begun is to start being mindful of every aspect of your relationship.Then after a reasonable period of time ask your self if you want to continue in your marriage.I apologize in advance if my advice is blunt,but LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THE DUMB stuff.either he makes some serious changes,and seeks help and your forgiveness or.........only you can fill in the blanks.Take care an GOD bless you both.(ps I don't knw if you can find out about other accts,but i hope some 1 can help}
266805
he probably has some really heavy stuff on his mind right now. if you talked of getting married and starting a family, then he may just be in a place where he has to think. i would say that all you can do is honestly tell him how you feel, not angrily or accusitorily, and give him room.
270850
I think people are misunderstanding what you are trying to say. Perhaps a language barrier yes?\nYour husband is smart, but you are smart also.\nI know you are trying to say you are being a faithful\nwife and you want to be a perfect wife for him. Also you may be trying to say he should not be suspicious because you are trying to be the best wife.\nThose are real feelings you are experiencing.\nA thing called a womens intuition. Sometimes if he is suspicous of you its because he is a suspicous person himself. Your are married only one year to get to know him.\nGoing out 3 years does not give much of a chance to really know a persons habits. Age is another factor too. Let him go his path for now. He is not in the building stage of your relationship. He is not doing things to make you both grow as a couple. He as to value marriage. He has to change his ways now. You have to encourage him to not let it continue to go his separate way. It is not the same path. If you suspect him more you have to say to him not to bring home social disease. Get it out now and begin healing and loving. Ask him why did he marry if he still needs to stray (wonder like a cat).\nYou value marriage and you want it to work out, patience is most likely one answer. Good Luck.
561858
Yes, you have successfully overanalyzed this.  My husband always sounds horribly angry when I call him.  He isn't.  And most of the time he is glad I called (unless it was to nag him about something)  He has never been great at talking on the phone.  Some guys just don't know what to say to a voice on the other end of the reciever, despite that its their girlfriend, wife, mom, or Jesus himself on the other end.  And that's fine.  Relax.  You'll be fine.
23255
One thing I learned from my first marriage is to pick your battles. There is no sense in getting into arguments that are over the small things that are part of the person you are with or that you yourself contribute too. Its very hard to admit to ourselves that we also instigate the arguments but once youve done that try and figure out if making a mountain out of a molehill is really worth it, I dont know which are the things that are making you so mad but always try to communicate b4 it becomes an issue.
231361
the best thing to do is talk with your husband about your feelings and maybe you will feel better.
643829
It's probably more common than we think because my husband is like that too. When things are going his way he basically ignores me but when I get upset and pull away from him then he wants to know what is wrong and is a little helpful which makes me mad because the way I see it why isn't he helpful all of the time? Why is it only when I am upset? I think they get worried that we won't do as much as we normally do for them when we are mad. Been nearly 10 years and I still can't figure the man out.
16317
Because we (husbands) are basically different life forms. I agree with other anwers that you should talk and communicate more, but remember, what you are saying and what he is hearing are often two very different things (and vice versa). My wife and I find it very helpful to tell the other person what we just heard, i.e. "you are feeling..." "you think I"... more often than not we disocver that we were having two very different expereinces.  I don't know if this is gender related, person related or what, but that is what works for us.  I also think it is great to be with someone you don't completely understand, if I knew everything there was to know about my wife it would boring..
170540
I wish I could tell you how to get him to listen.  He sounds like my late husband.  We were married for 40 years and he never really listened to me.  Once we were at a marriage counselor and I talked for about 5 minutes about how my husband didn't listen to me.  Then the counselor looked at my husband and said "what do you have to say about that"  and my husband responded "I wasn't listening"\nso going to a marriage counselor doesn't always work either.\n\nIn the end I began to think that my husband was frustrated by other people in his life and took it out on me.  He couldn't ignore his boss.  He couldn't tell his co-workers that they didn't know what they were talking about so he came home and did it to me.\n\nThe really bad part is that I came to believe that I was stupid and incompetent.  I put too much value in the way that he treated me. \n\nI took course on how to communicate.  I was told that I shouldn't say you did whatever but I should say I feel whatever.  He turned this against me and told me I was self-centered and I believed him.\n\nSo I can't tell you how to make him listen or how to communicate with him, but I can tell you that you must guard against feeling that something is wrong with you.
249722
My heart breaks for you. You seem so sad and confused.\n\nSpeaking from experience, blending families is not easy. My husband had 1 son living with him and I had 2 when we got married. And the fur did fly often in the early years. I think part of what kept us trying is that we each came from a failed first marriage and truly wanted this one to work. We even went for family counseling. That helped. I'm thinking that you and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you still have enough feelings for each other that if you can get through this you'll find you have a much stronger relationship. I honestly don't think you can do it without professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself. If nothing else it will help you sort out your own feelings.\n\nAlso, pour out your heart to God. He loves you and your husband very much. He wants to be your strength, to comfort and guide you. Beliefnet.com has this (and many others) prayer for your marriage:\n\nBless Our Relationship  \n\nDear God,\nYou have defined my desire: to be of immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort.\n\nI want to honor my spouse--and you--through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me. \nAmen. ~~~ Heather Kopp  |  Source: "God's Little Book of Guarantees for Marriage" \n\nI know you are hurting and wondering if it can be fixed. I believe it can, as long as you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair your marriage. I pray that you both are willing. God bless you both.\n\nP.S. We've been married almost 20 years. The kids are grown with families of their own. We are more in love than ever. I hope you can say this in 2 decades.
357963
Makes me wonder about what kind of person your husband is if he has friend like this.  Apparently, he has no respect for how you feel. I would tell his friend that if he cannot behave like a decent human being then he needs to find another place to hang out and tell your husband if that is the kind of friends he likes then he needs some professional help.