I just recently gave up custody of my daughter because I wanted to further my education and work and cant afford to pay noone to watch her...I was struggling day to day wondering if I was gonna have money to buy diapers or food to feed her...She deserved a life that I am unable to give her at this moment...I am only 19 and a single mom...But I do get to see her whenever I want to...Please Help me and let me know...Sincerely, A Loving and Caring Mother
212713
Doing the right thing is doing what's best for the child.  Your child deserves a good life and if, as you've said, you can't provide her with that, you did the right and brave thing by giving her an opportunity to get a good life.  You're a better mother than most in your situation.  They keep their kids and then their kids grow up to resent their mothers and themselves for the life they have.  I think you should be proud of yourself, and since you still get to see your daughter, be honest with her about what you want for her.  She'll be proud of you, too!
32486
I am so sorry for her plight. The two of you need to pool your resources & she should live with you or you with her. The twins should be moved to another school so she can be with you & you can help each other, both as support & financially. Depending on her income, she probably qualifies for food stamps & WIC - all she has to do is go to the local department of Social Services in your community or call them on the phone. She should file for custody of the twins & have the courts establish support from the sperm donor (no way would I call him a father) so she can get the money coming in. If it's enforced through the court system, they will pick him up when he doesn't pay & put him in jail. She should also consider a restraining order against him for their safety. She needs to pull herself together & be strong for the children! Best of luck to you - the resources are there, Social Services CAN help you.
395775
You not only did the right thing for your son, but you did it for yourself also. Dont worry, just be strong. I've been thru the break up make up over and over for 4 years, and have finally left for good about a month ago. I also have a child with this person... but I know I have to just worry about me and my daughter now. The worst thing to do is to give in when you are emotional like this and find yourself back in the same situation... possibly with one more child. So stay strong and take care of you, and stick close to family and friends for support if you are fortunate enough. Good Luck mama
650680
If you are finding it difficult to move on , it might be a good thing that she moves away ! The less you have to see her , the better off you will be ! I went through the same thing about a year ago , with the father of my children. \n    Luckily 4 me , i guess--> it made me see him in a whole nother light . I started to see him 4 the scum that he is , 4 the first time fully in our 8 1/2 year relationship !\n    Right now , he is living about 5 blocks from our house w/ his new girl--> the one that he cheated with . He does'nt pay child support , & never wants to see our children . \n     He actually had the balls to call me today , and think that he deserved some special recognition from our daughter because it was Fathers Day. I told him that until he started being a father , and starts making sure that his children are taken care of---> he deserves nothing from them ! ie : if he can't help to support them , or spend time with them on a regular basis--> he might as well just be classified as a sperm donor---> which is someone that has no rights !\n   I have actually had our childrens healthcare cancelled , because he refused to give me the things i needed from him to renew thier insurance . And , he has let his children go hungry , because he refuses to send them some sort of support .\n    You , atleast don't have to worry about all of that ! Your\nson will be taken care of-->just as my kids will . Just please , make sure you help her out with your son , and spend some quality time with him as often as you can !\n   The ladies will come & go , and most more than likely there is another waiting right around the  corner 4 you !\nShe is obviously not the one 4 you , so go out and have some fun responsibly---> and you will find someone to help you take your mind off of her !
145493
PLEASE READ THIS MESSAGE:\nMiss.T,I dont think its such a great idea 2 be friends with your daughter because after awhile,they will look at you only as their friend and not as their parent.Im 18 years old & I thank my mother every chance I get because I graduated from high school when I was 16 without her trying to be my friend,although she most definently is'nt my enemy.Yeah my mother was a good friend of mine,but she knew when and where the limits were...she knew she had 2 be a mother 85% of the time with me;and a friend 15% of the time.Put it this way...if you need your bills to be paid and you cant call on your friend(your daughter),then you shouldnt try 2 hard to please her as a friend as much as a mother.If your daughter has a good head on her shoulder,then she will appreciate how good you are trying to be with her;whether you want to be her friend or not.She will thank u in the future if you be more of a mother to her than a friend;because trust me...Im sure she has enough people trying to be her friend....Love Always;misslady2205
55851
If you do not have custody of your daughter, you need to do so.  I think it's great that he wants to see her.  It's very sad when a child has a father, and he wants nothing to do with her.  My son was one of those children.  His father would promise him that he would come to pick him up, but he never did.  It broke my heart to see this little guy waiting & waiting until he fell asleep, all the time telling me that his dad promised he'd come so he would.  Of course he never did.  His father never wanted anything to do with him.   Now he wants nothing to do with his dad.  That's understandable.  Think of your daughter and her feelings. If he is a good father, by all means let her spend time with him.  As long as you have custody he must pay you child support. Be happy for her that her father wants to see her.
82153
get someone you trust to watch the child on the day you are to be out and don't leave until you are arrested. sounds nuts i know, but if you believe you are in the right then the courts need to see it. don't be bullied because you are a single mom. defend yourself and your 'rights' as you would defend your child and his/her 'rights'. have some of your friends watch the house and once you are arrested your friends trash the place. it will end up costing the l.l. more than the 2 or3 months rent he lost.\n\nmy ex's x-wife did this (not leaving) and ended staying free for 6 months (and a couple of court datees), but in that time she was able to save enough for down payment on a house.
465771
I am not sure why your daughter was sent to live with your mother, but it sounds like something similar that I went through. I had moved away from my children at one point and it was only supposed to be temporary. I had to write a letter stating specifically that my mother had temporary custody and made decisions on behalf of my children. This is what the local DSHS office wanted to get my children enrolled in medical. And as far as enrolling them in school, I had to contact the school and tell them that my mother would be acting as their guardian in my place. So, as long as this situation is only temporary, I see no reason why a written letter from you and a few phone calls from you wouldn't be sufficient.
558747
I think it would be great if we got some of these deadbeat parents to pay up!! I don't know anyone who is getting rich off child support. My support for my oldest is $200. a month. I haven't seen very much support..In the last 10 years I have received $377. SAD...isn't it. I think if he wasn't able to get a drivers license that would make a difference in the amount of child support I would see!!
187854
Vee....This is the Mom you said you wished your mom was like.  I can't be your "angel" but I can be a friend.  Please don't feel alone.\nShow your mom your question and my answer we had the other day about your "personal" problem.  I'm sure if she reads it, and reads what you said back to me, she'll slow down enough to realize she needs to give you the attention you need.  I'm sure she loves you more than life itself, and is trying to provide financial support for her family.  Unfortunately, now that we are in the 2000's it's hard to survive financially unless you burn the candle at both ends.  Just the basic living expenses are very expensive, and looks like there's no end in sight.  And raising a teenage girl and the clothes and things THEY want can almost require a second job! LOL!  Maybe you should say "Thank You" to Mom for providing a good life for you, and make an "appointment" with her to discuss these things.  I think she'll make time for you...I really do.  If you ever want to just talk or blow off steam, please feel free to email me (ljpeterson1956@yahoo.com), and so your mom doesn't think I'm some "pervert" make sure she always sees and knows about our emails if you do write me.  I assure you and her, I'm a 49 year old working full-time mom myself. I've been working in County government for 30 years, and have a 21 year old daughter with health issues. I've had to give extra attention to her because when her Dad and I divorced, he stopped having anything to do with her.  She and I are very close, and I wish that on any young girl trying to cope with this big old scary world.  When I read your letter in ANSWERS I just HAD to respond.  I have a special place in my heart for your situation.  Good luck....and have you made a doctor appointment yet??  ;-)
315229
I wanted to be a mother even younger than that.  \n\nI always thought that at least that way, I would have 1 person that would love me unconditionally.  I was raised in a very tumultuous family.  Bad adoption and all that crud.  Always felt left out and always dreamed of having a child....even at like 10 years old.  I held onto that...until I had my first at 19.\n\nIt is so hard.  I am now 33 and my girls are 14, 13 & 12.  I wouldn't give them up for the world.  However, for their sake, I would do it different if I could.  I would get an education so I didn't have to work at low income jobs...just now trying to get myself through school to get a good career.  There are days that I dont know where the next meals are coming from....or the electric bill money...\n\nso....take your time hon.....get an education...live a little...there is plenty of time for babies...PLENTY!!
313967
We all make mistakes in life, but we all deserve a second chance.  Good for you that you want to do the right thing and be there for your child.  I don't know your situation but if you did not legally sign a waiver giving up your parental rights, you have rights.  The Internet is awesome for resources, look for free legal service in your state for parental/custody rights.  If you know of woman shelters in your area, they sometimes can also direct you to someone for help.  God be with you & good luck.
117356
It is may understanding that a child that desires to become emancipated from their parents must be able to prove in court that they are capable of supporting themselves. This would include a regular income. It is not enough to say to a Judge, my friend said I can stay with them.
297384
Heres the thing man, I went through it to. There is nothing you can do; in respects to what she does with the money.  She does not have to provide and accounting to anyone of how she spends her child support check.  All she has to do is provide a home evironment for the child/children, you know feed and cloth them, get them to school ext.  If she is neglecting the children and you can prove it then call CPS or hire and attorney to take her back to court and win custody.   But before you do that, put yourself in the judges or a third parties shoes, how do you think others are going to see you case when you present what you have.  Most often emotions come in to play.  Good Luck
262722
You should take food over there (healthy food, no kool aid) and talk to her about getting a job. There is no reason for a young woman to stay home and live on child support. Make it clear to her that this is the last time you will be feeding her and her kids. Help her get the phone number to an employment office, a bus schedule, a resume.. what ever it is that she needs to get employed. Talk to her about finding day care for the kids. If she is receptive to this then great. If not then you need to walk away with the understanding that someone else will feed that family. They ate before she met you. Ask her what kind of an example she wants to set for her children. A user or a go getter? There was something about her that you liked at the start. let her know what that was. \nIf, on the other hand, you get over there and find that she has more than milk and eggs walk away and never look back.\n Good luck.  and God bless.
180959
First of all, and unfortunately or fortunately for you, because your child is 12 they can decide where they want to live. At least in the state of Washington they can. It may be different where you live. Unless there are circumstances where there is abuse or neglect, though, you may have a hard time depending on where you are and what the laws are.\nThe first thing I would do is to contact your local Department of Social & Health Services and speak with someone there about what your rights are and can be done or not done for you based on your income. It's quite possible that if your income is lower they could provide you with financial help. However, you should be aware that if you're in need of financial help and your ex-husband is not, it's going to make your situation harder as he can financially support her and you can't. \nCall those people though, it's a start and if nothing else they can lead you in the right direction.\nGood Luck!
676751
Man, I just went through this! If her bio. father pays child support, then yes he must be contacted to sign away his rights even if she has NEVER laid her eyes on him. If he doesn't pay or contribute in any way, when your child has gone without ANY paternal support for 5 consecutive years, then all you have to do is run it in the classified ads in your town for 4 weeks. The newspaper will give you an affidavit and you will have to sign one stating that you have not received any support from her bio. father. After that point, it is pretty smooth sailing. Hopefully you won't get an A-hole for a judge like I did... the same judge that ordered my son's father to only pay $96 a month for support <--- Please try to hold your laughter until the end of the paragraph. Thank you.