I'm engage and my finaice dating this girl name erin seven years ago. He hasn't talk to her and now he is. When they were dating he was smoking weed and try to kill himself. After he broke up with erin he wrote a book about her. I ask him if he would write a book about me but he said the last person he would write a book about would be him. I'm afraid that he going to stop loving me or something going to go wrong on purpose and he going to drop me like nothing ever happen and go straight to her. I couldn't sleep cause I was crying my eyes out. Should I be worried that he wrote a book about erin or I'm I making a big deal out of something. I know I need to tell my finance how I feel but it was very hurtful cause I wanted him to write a book cause we are starting to get married and have kids
205218
I WAS IN A SIMILIER SITUATION, BUT NOT ENGAGED. I WAS DATING A GUY FOR AWHILE WHEN HIS EX WHO HE HAD DATED FOR 3 YEARS STARED CALLING HIM AND TEXTING HIM ALL OF THE TIME. WHEN THEY HAD BROKEN UP HE WAS SOOO... HURT HE STARTED SMOKING WEED AND BASICALLY COULD HAVE CARED LESS ABOUT HIS LIFE.(THIS WAS ABOUT TWO YEARS BEFORE I HAD MET HIM THAT THEY BROKE UP)SHE WAS A THREAT TO ME BECAUSE I KNEW HOW MUCH HE LOVED HER, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME I STILL FELT JEALOUS AND BETRAYED BY HIM TALKING TO HER.\nWHAT I DID WAS I SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID "LOOK, I LOVE YOU AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME ...BUT, I DON'T LIKE THE FACT THAT"SHE" HAS BEEN IN CONTACT WITH YOU AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME AND NOW YOU ARE WITH ME AND STARTED YOUR LIFE OVER, YOUR PAST IS YOUR PAST AND IF YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT, I AM NOT GOING TO BE HERE TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT WITH YOU."\nWE TALKED ABOUT IT AND HE UNDERSTOOD MY FEELINGS AND JUST STOPPED RETURNING HER CALLS AND TEXTS. WE ARE NOW MARRIED AND VERY HAPPY, BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I WAS IN THE SAME PLACE YOU WERE, UNTIL I OPENED UP TO HIM AND TOLD HIM HOW I FELT..AND IT ALL STOPPED. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAN HER IN THIS STAGE OF HIS LIFE...KNOW MATTER WHAT..SO IF I WERE YOU I WOULD EXCEPT THE BOOK THING AND JUST CONSENTRATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND LOOK FORWARD TO STARTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER..AND TALK TO HIM IT WILL HELP YOU AND THE STRESS YOU ARE UNDER. I'M SURE DOWN THE ROAD, WHEN THE TWO OF YOU ARE MARRIED WITH CHILDREN HE WILL WRITE YOU A BOOK ON THE WONDERFUL WIFE AND MOTHER YOU HAVE BECOME.\nSO...JUST LOOK FORWARD AND BE HAPPY! GOOD LUCK!!
602176
Believe it or not, this just happened to me last night.  My boyfriend was married for 11 years and they split up 9 months ago.  We have been going out for the last two months.  Last night, after about two beers, he looked me right in the eyes and said "I love you so much Ch*&^%)(*%$#."  I couldn't believe it.  He kept telling me he was so sorry and I know he felt terrible, but It is eating at me today too.  I know it was an accident and he didn't mean it, so I have decided to just force myself to stop thinking about it.  I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want to go back to her.  He is very loving and attentive in so many ways, so my advice to both of us is to stop being so sensitive and admit that our boyfriends are human.  They make mistakes, I wouldn't want him to crucify me if I were in his shoes.\n\nGood Luck.
516985
Wow...sounds like your life is complicated. Here's my advice from experience. My ex-husband was also a drug user. When he wasn't high everything was fine. Then he started getting angry for no reason. Then one day he hit me. Then he was sorry and apologized and said he'd never get high again but he did and it started all over again. After many many times I finally saw the light. JUST LOVING SOMEONE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. You have to be COMMITTED to doing what is best for the two of you as a couple. He was either unwilling or unable to be to me what he should be. Your boyfriend is the same at this point. Give him a choice - "either get clean or lose me". Tell him only once and tell him firmly. If he's willing and able you have done him and yourself a favor. If he is unable and/or unwilling , tell yourself it was not meant to be and move on. Fourteen is much to young to get locked into a deadend relationship.\n\nAs far as school goes, unless you have an immediate offer for a highly profitable career that you can't turn down, quitting school is liking committing suicide to your future. ANYTHING you want to do in life will be benefitted by the fact that you finished school.\n\nAs far as being friends - Yes, it is possible and beneficial to be friends with all types of people. Here's a good rule to remember though, if your friends are bringing you down, try to bring them up. If you can, great. If not, it's time to seek other friends.\n\nOne thing that always helped me was to see in my mind where I would like to be and what I would like to be doing in 5 years, 10 years etc. and work towards those goals. Spend the majority of your time with the people and things that will get you where you want to be. \n\nI hope that helps you. Best of luck.
530056
Geez, I'm in a rut right now with one.  I want to believe something will really happen, but the longer it goes, and his stories change, I"m starting to feel he's making me play games now.  \n\nI have however made 2 very good friends from the online dateing!  It's like we have been friends forever. The problem was, we weren't compatable with all the lovey, romance, sex stuff.\nBut I'll love their friendship and hold them dear in my heart forever!
367167
I had two workplace romances a long time ago.  Neither of them caused a problem when we broke up.  How long have you worked with him?  Do you sense even a hint of a vindictive streak?  If so, keep away.  If not, tread carefully and take it slowly.
559909
A guy who won't meet with a person he's been in a relationship with to end it with her is a coward.  He knows he's not doing the right thing and is embarassed to be honest about it.\n\nAs hard as it might feel, she needs to just let him go.  He's heart is not with her anymore and she'd be better off picking up the pieces and moving on.  It will be a long road to recovery but better to start now than to linger and mope cause he's long gone and he's not coming back.  She deserves better.
601946
withdraw yourself for some time. don't make it worse than it already is! she is 10 years older than you. even if she loves you, she might also be totally confused now.\n\ntime will solve it.\nin any case, you did enough because you told her about your feelings. don't go crazy if she is quiet. get yourself busy with your own things for a while. maybe you can make peace some time later.\n\nlook. I also did like this with my closest male friend two weeks ago! (what a coincidence). but here the reason was different: I fell in love with HIM. and we also had a fight before that.\nof course we had, cause everybody was expecting something else from the whole relationship than he/she got!\nso it is the same: we don't talk and also don't write now.\nI told him not to!\ncause I can't take it any more, cause it hurts, cause... blahblahblah!\n\nbut the truth is that now after two weeks I calmed down and I would really want to make peace - if I only knew how!!!\n\nI think it is best you give her and yourself TIME.\n"and time can do so much...\noh myyyy love.. my darling, I hunger for\nyour touch\nalone"\n:-)\n\ncomm'on, put some good music and cheer up.\nyou are not the only one on this planet who messes up friendship for love!\nhere is another one, hellooo there!\nbut this one, over here.. ye she is female.\n \n((maybe you want a younger woman than 31? can we exchange ur ex-friends? instead of writing them poems? well, I haven't started writing poems yet, but I must tell, I am not far from it!!!\nI already sent him songs! hm.\nit is only the world cup keeping me mentally busy now, otherwise I would be writing poems and crying all day!\n\nI am OLNY 25, by the way! don't despair, the sea if full of good fresh fish!!!))
591687
Love sometimes hurts.  This is one of those times.  You must either break up with her or insist that she break up with him.  This type of situation can lead to devastating results.  What if he finds out you are having sex with her and goes crazy?\n\nIt sounds like your total breakup is only a matter of time.  That being the case, the sooner the better.   The longer you are involved, the more hurt you will feel and the deeper the pain will be.  If she cheats on him, she will cheat on you.\n\nIf you get back together,  learn to be more considerate.  Better to bite your tongue off than to say things just to be hurtful.  Write your feeling down.  Read them back to yourself two days later.  Then you might want to edit what you wrote or even destroy it.\n\nI'm sure you know a lot of other girls.  Wait a while to heal and get to know some of them better.  You will be so much better off.\n\nGood luck.
406258
What's the problem, I don't understand.  You could make a friend as well.  Do you not like your partner to have female friends.  Who cares if they have a past, it obviously is not an issue now.  Why are you hurt?\n\nEDIT - You said it yourself, you are insecure.  I'm afraid this is not his problem, it is yours and you are going to drive him away.  Would it honestly make you feel good if he gave up his life long friends because of your paranoia?  You need to stand tall and embrace his friends unless they give you good cause not to.  Like, I said, you may like them and you may get some close friends yourself out of it.  My partners ex girlfriend and I are tremendous friends.  I am thanful to have her in my life and not once have I felt that their past is an influence on me, nor do I compare myself to her in anyway.\n\nI think you may be a bit over sensitive - after all 3 days ago you were freaking because your boyfriend's family ate dinner without you.  Lighten up, girlfriend, it's not all about you.  \n\nPlease allow yourself to gain some self esteem for the sake of your relationship - good luck to you too, hopeit all works out 8-)
437056
I would also feel very insecure about this situation. the only thing you can do is be aware of it.  The fact that they dated could either be a good or bad thing.  He could still be holding a torch for her, or it could be that it just didn't work out romantically for them.  I wouldn't quiz him too much on it just keep an eye on what he is doing and when and what he is telling you.  If it makes you feel unstable in your relationship then I think you should tell him how you feel without making it sound like you are jealous.  Tell him how it is - its your ex, but you don't tell me that you are seeng her.  I feel like you are hiding something, even though i know aren't.  if he is hiding something there's no guarantee you will find out, but if that's the case and you can't trust him, there's no relationship.
342106
Since he has admitted to you that he has slept over at his ex-girlfriend's house, and since he has not changed his yahoo profile (not even after you have reminded him)... I think you should wait till he changes the profile, and wait to see if he mentions not sleeping over at his ex-girlfriend's house anymore, before agreeing to be his new girlfriend.\n\n Also... if you feel it is best to wait till you meet him, before agreeing to be his girlfriend, then you should definitly continue to insist that it is the only way you will do it.\n\nYou and your wishes/needs are important... so, if he does not agree to do it the way you need him to do it, then it would mean that he is going to do what he wants to do, and that you do not matter to him enough, that he would fiulfill your important needs.\n\nIn successful, caring/loving relationships... the needs/wishes of a partner DO matter (ARE important)... because each partner is VERY important to the other partner.\n\nWhat it all comes down to is>>> if he really wants you to be his girlfriend... he obviously needs to first be your boy-"friend"...friends certainly do care about one another's needs/wishes.\n\nI think you are already dealing with the situation in a wise way... don't let him push you into making the decision of being his girlfriend, till YOU are ready to do it.\n\nIf you give in to him about it before you are ready, then he may expect you to give him his way about other things that are against your wishes... just remember>>> YOU MATTER.
207054
Hello again Fantasy Foo, I've been were your at, and it's not a good feeling. One good thing about life is....Time heals everything. I was once told: If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours...if it don't it never was. If you have the fellas number or you know how to get in contact with him...let him know how you feel, but don't hate on his girl...thats tacky.
282068
youve only been going out for 3-4months over the phone i don no how long youve spent together not on the phone but its to soon. take it from my personal experience i was asked to marry someone after a week of noing him and he told me he wanted me to move with him it scared the crap out of me but i stayed with him. we had a long distant relationship for about ten months when three of them i heard nothing from him. he was in the army he left the army and about five months after spending time with him i feel pregnant i didnt no the true him until i feel pregnant cause he totally changed. i someone was to tell me that agian id tell them to go and get help. my daughter has never met er father and shes two and a half and will never get to meet him cause he was recently killed in a car accident.\n\nbut if its meant to be it will be but take it slow im not going to judge maybe she just wanted to see what your plans of a family are if it starts getting serious
341730
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
648133
Amazing. Boys! Can't live with them, can't live without them. What he did to you is not only emotionally and physically draining to you, it's just plain wrong. Deep down, I think you know what you need to do. You have a lot of what I call "but" statements. "I dont like it, but....," "I left him behind, but....,"  "I really love him, but...." For every good, I would venture to guess that you can count 10 bad. He smokes pot, so that tells you he is killing his brain cells, and doesn't respect himself as well as you. He engaged in sexual intercourse with another woman. Therefore, not only is he a pothead, loser, deadbeat, and moron, but he is also unfaithful. Because he is willing to engage in risky sexual behaviors, if you continue to be with this loser, you too could possibly contract a nasty std. \nNow, it's easy for me to play armchair quarterback. When you love someone it's difficult to let go. Here is a man that you spent 2 years of your life with. However, you stated yourself that it was "off and on" for the last two years, which is an indication of an unstable relationship. He lives in Florida, you live in Georgia. Not to say that long distance relationships do not work, but this one cannot work for the fact that this loser is too immature to be in a relationship, nor deserving of your love, time and attention. Take a moment to write a list of all the qualities that you desire in a boyfriend and stick to it. Have stringent requirements. Why? Because you're worth it. When you end the relationship with your boyfriend, state to him the reasons listed, and inform him that "NO" you two cannot be "just friends." Once you end the relationship, do not take his calls, do not reply to his emails, and do not see him in person. It's time to begin the healing process and move on........ Best of wishes to you.
580025
For once on here I am going to be serious. Internet stories of jobs are hardly believable, but I am more than qualified to answer this question. I was in a chat for Psychological Disorders, when the messenger went kerplunk now I am here trying to get help on what is wrong, just having some fun with most of these, but I will be serious on this one.\n\nFirst thing, was there jealousy in the relationship that you and him had? If he was a jealous type, he is probably insecure and did this to see if you still cared for him.\n\nSecond thing, depends on how long you were together. I still have feelings for women I dated 5 years ago. Surely doesn't mean that I want them.  \n\nThird thing, Since I know nothing about you, age, length of relationship, etc... I would recommend a full split between the two of you, no friends, phone or IM buddies, you know the old saying about letting something go, if it's meant to be then he will come back.\n\nFourth thing, busting out my Oprah stick, "You are letting him have his cake and eat it too, of course he is going to be nice to you"\n\nLast thing, back to serious, when you break up with someone, never hold on, it could cause you to miss something or someone special that you didn't notice because you are still holding onto the past. Two things I have learned in life, life isn't stopping for you, so don't stop for someone else and there is a reason they are an ex. Hope this helps.
241421
It's normal.. we all go through the same thing.. (I mean unless we had a flamin' bad break up that is!) Does the current bf know about this? ..and deal w/it? He sounds like a kool dude if so. It'd be hard, but could ya like change where ya R hangin' out, so ya 2 don't meet up? I kow it's rough if ya got the same friends, right? If ya have a bad breakup ONE of the good things about it is you got a TON of bad info. to use mentally to get over the bad dudes. I mean if he beat ya up, dissed ya, you gotta make that memory a WHOLE lot better.. (helps ya get over the hurt.) How long it been since ya broke up? It'll get better, I promise! If it's too new a hurt, I think it's kool ya got wit another guy already too.. later-     melancholia