Is a OCPD mother always going to be verbally & emotionally abusive. What is the best way as a adult to ex-clude her from your life and correst the damamge inside the child who had years of this mothers mental torture.
210708
Not all OCD mothers are mentally and emotionally abusive, though a good portion of them can be (because of personal problems stemming from their OCD usually.)\n\nThese children need to see a psychologist NOT because of the OCD behavior of the mother but because of the verbal and emotional abuse.\n\nPeople watching these children also need to be careful that they get help as soon as they can because these children can continue with a vicious cycle that their mother had started.\n\nIf you are a victim of this, I ask you to please see a psychologist or your local therapist. I doubt you need medication so don't let them fool you into that (unless you really do suspect yourself of truly having a mental problem.) You need someone to talk to and help you get over these distortions with therapeutic work before it takes hold of you/anybody else and hurts them.
500093
I  think  you  already know what you  have to do.     In  the  first place  how  do you know -besides  what she has told you -  that  her husband was abusive?      One  way or other, it is  absolutely clear to anybody with half a brain  the woman is using you ...   and  using  her  own  children as a   weapon  against you  if you  try to  stand up for yourself.    Well,   the ONLY  thing  possible  for you to do..  unless you want  to   stand there meekly  and let her destroy what should be the peace and  tranquility  of your and your husband's  lives -  is  take a  stand  and Tell  this selfish, self-centered, self-serving piece of  garbage  whom you so unfortunately  have as a daughter,  that  you have already done all -  and in fact  more -  than you have  the means to do..   She is;pulling one of the oldest  games in the book  with those who feel obliged to fall over backwards for her  because of blood relationship   .....emotional blackmail.... and you have  allowed yourselves to  fall for it hook, line, and sinker.    Enough  already.    You  can't   "save the world"  and   those are  HER children,  so you  cannot  be held  responsible for  them  either.      You  have  already allowed this outrageous situation  to go on  waaaaay  too long,  and the  very behaviour that you have  described,  defines her   exactly for what  she  really is....  a  mean,  selfish, ungrateful,  freeloading opportunist  who needs  to be made to  hit the road  before  she  succeeds in  ruining   your  and your husband's  lives,  and  your health.
638419
The things that have happened to you are terrible and of course it is abuse.  You really need a trusted adult to help you.  The fact that you were able to post on here means that you are ready to get the help you need.  I'm a licensed psychiatric social worker and I came from a really crappy upbringing too.  My dad was physically abusive and my mom was pretty depressed and didn't stop him.  I managed to get past the abuse and lead a productive life but even today, I remember the abuse and have to deal with the feelings surrounding it.  You are too young and your life is too precious to be lost in the cycle of child abuse.  The sooner you get help the more likely you are to move on successfully with your life.  You don't need your parents permission to seek counseling.  School counselors are an option.  I recognize that trusting adults right now is probably difficult and I'm sure you still love your parents to some extent.  What you need to understand is that if your parents are abusing or neglecting you, they are sick too and need help.  Right now you need to realize that you are worth saving and not all adults are bad.  Your life can and WILL get better.  I don't know where you live and what resources are available there but I would be happy to help you in anyway I can.  Please feel free to email me if you need more help or someone to talk to.  My email is jazzy_59602@yahoo.com.  Please stay safe and reach out to someone.
350876
I have dealt with a similar situation, and I know this hurts you. First of all, even though this is easier said than done, do not take her comments to heart. They simply aren't true, and these comments have already damaged you emotionally. Secondly, if you haven't already done so, seek counseling. This should help you to keep things in perspective, and to help you know that your mother's hurtful comments do not define who you are. If you still feel rotten, you could choose just not to see her anymore. This is a tough decision, I know. She is 92, and probably won't be around too many more years. Of course this does not mean you have to take her abuse and do whatever she says. Talk to a counselor. He/she can help you decide what is best for you. Good luck, and remember. . . your mother's comments are rubbish. You know your own heart.
312448
It is time to let go. Four years has given you your answer. She'll never change even if she claims she will. She sounds paranoid to me in fact, endangering her young son. You're trying to do the right thing but it is time to realise that the right thing to do now is to divorce her, get custody of your son, move on and find another woman worthy of your trust, respect and love. Don't stick around and let her scar you even more for that's just too convenient for her to do. It is not something you want your young son to think - that his dad cannot stand up for what he thinks is right and let a woman (even if it is his mom) put him down over and over again & cheat on him. I am sorry if what I said have offended you. I know you are doing this out of love but she does not deserve it and your son deserves a better mom. She lost her right to be his mother when she did what she did. Sorry. And Good Luck to You!
607715
hey steffy,\n\nThe part that jumps out at me are the words abusive and destructive!  I really hope good things happen to you! I mean it!\n\nIf the relationship was that way, then it was also that way for your child....  even if he/she wasn't around to witness it.  Kids pick up on our emotions and feelings...  I'm no expert, but think long and hard before you put yourself and your child back into harms way!\n\nKeep your head high and demand respect!
673347
I was once in the same situation for 10 years...I was verbally abused as well as physically abused...we had 2 children...in 60's we had no place to escape to...I eventually was given a way out.....our son is in prison because of his painful childhood....so I do know where you are coming from...people should never stay in an abusive relationship "For the Children" they are suffering that abuse with you....\nAs far as the healing...well its been nearly 28 years since I got out of that marriage...I have anger problems....I have memory loss... I have anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome...but I have been holding out pretty good...healing takes time...I am still healing...one thing I did learn from all this...Men who do this sort of thing have a complex...they look to you as above them so in order to bring you to THEIR level they have to over power you enough to make themselves feel better about themselves..just hang in there...go forward don't look back....get a journal and write down your feelings..it really helps...and sometimes its better than trying to explain it to people who have never been there...time heals all wounds...but for some...it just takes a lot of time....let me know ...been there...done that...
660574
My ex-wife does the same,but she quit once I moved out of state. But she still uses the kids against me. My parents did the same to each other,that's why I don't do it to my kids. I guess what I am trying to say is you cant control what they do only what you do. Good Luck
5657
I was your daughter, once upon a time. What my mother did with me was to inform me of the consequences if I did something & then she carried it out...consistency is the only way to deal with this. I was an only child so I had just about everything a kid could want in my room. When I was bad, I was not allowed to play in my room; instead being relegated to the end of the couch in the living room where she could keep an eye on me while she went about her daily chores. There was nothing in this world that I hated more than being made to sit at the end of that couch because there was no TV, no radio, no nothing. I was told that, if I put even one foot on the floor & didn't sit there like a little lady, I would get a spanking...it worked wonders.\n\nAs for sharing - if your daughter has a problem with it - try the following. If I refused to share a toy with a little friend, my mother would take it from me. She'd put it away for later but she would tell me that if I didn't learn to share, she was going to give them away. It was just my mother's luck, I guess, that soon after this first incident, a friend of mine was having a birthday party & my mother had gotten her something that I also had & she knew the girl particularly liked. While it is true that she had to take me home from the party early because I launched into a screaming & crying fit (thinking the girl had been given my toy), you can bet that I learned that lesson immediately :) It wasn't until I was in my thirties that the subject came up one day & Mom realized what was behind my little fit...not fun to have your parent laugh at you when you are an adult :)\n\nBTW, a friend of mine uses a variation of the sitting on the couch routine when her child is bad. Difference is, she makes her kid sit on the sofa with the computer, radio & television all in the same room & turned off...drives her daughter crazy. Another friend has a kid who loves video games &, when he is being difficult, she takes them away & lets his brother play them in the other room; within the child's hearing. I, personally, think this is a little mean & somewhat harsh, but it seems to work for her son.\n\nI think that is really the trick to getting them to behave in that every kid is different & you have to find out what gets under their skin. Its not to be mean, of course, it is so that you have that leverage that you need to keep them in line. I can assure you that by the time & was six or seven, my mother only need look at me in a particular way & I would not only shut my mouth, but immediately try to make myself invisible. At the same time, I never lived in fear of her...only of her being angry with me...big difference...\n\nGood luck!
457224
You might want to think that about that before you do anything permanent. Perhaps you can draw up legal papers so that you don't deal with your ex at all, she can drop your kid off at the police station, for example and you can do the same without ever seeing her. I grew up without a dad and it was extremely painful. Please think of the child first.
163865
My ex-husband had BPD and the only thing that helps is to get away from that person forever.  They have good qualities, and they love so deeply, but they have so many issues it's just impossible to stay together.  People like this don't change.  It's only going to get worse.  Get out of the relationship as soon as you can.  There's someone nice out there waiting for you.
574056
Although my boyfriend is grown, I had to watch him battle with his mother when he decided to get from under her and make life a better for himself. She did everything she could to undermind him. She belittled him, spread rumors, stole from him, brought drama to our home to break us up... You name it, she did it. Eventually he had to cut her completely from his life. It's been eight months since he last seen or spoken to her. What finally did was she lied and called the police on him, trying to get him arrested. I honestly think that something is wrong with her mentally.
650099
We have to parent our parents, it's an odd situation.\n\nI think the best way is to show your perspective, to be involved in the "misbehavior". Ignoring it makes it 'natural' to the person.. it becomes ritual and automatic. Show how it need not be so. Ask: is it the employee's fault? how much does the employee get paid? what kind of training do they provide? what should they provide? where is the employee from? is getting angry at that person a sign of their poor performance... or is it because of your frustration to make the situation better?\n\nAnd importantly not to nag or judge her, to try to involve the persective of the employee.. to be a mediator.  Your mom may have many reasons as well that you can learn from. Just open yourself to the crisis instead of hiding from it.
672105
I know you love your mom, but, keep your children away from her. No one should have to go through that. Not only will you have physical scars, but also mental scars. She really sounds like she needs help. Just love her and respect her and try to keep her away from anyone that you think she might abuse. When you see her hit or even be mean, say something to her. Yes, she'll say something like I did it to you and you turned out ok, but when she does just remind her of the scars she's left on your body and your heart. But, remember, she's still your Mother. Lots of Luck to you. I know it can't be easy.
273476
i was in your almost same situattion i was 17 (pregnant) he was 31. I lived in Nh i ran away to NYC. He got very possesive than that turned to abuse. Go back to your family, you dont knpw what you are putting them through. Atleast let them knoe that you are ok to let them know you are alive. I did see my mom for year & half & she wasnt mad please let them know you are ok. Do you know what its like to have the FBI contact your family saying they have a teenage girl that matches their daughters description. well thats what happened to my mom & i regret the hell i put her through. If i could only do it over. I now have a daughter & hope she never puts me through what i put my mom through.\nremember family is forever. please go back & if you need anyone to talk to email me.
656028
Would the best time for you to think about you be when you are being hauled out on a stretcher or in a coffin? If you are being abused, GET OUT. I went through the same thing. Depression made hubby #2 the same way, and his mother thought I was just awful for leaving him, but you know what? Mommy wasn't living with his abuse 24/7!
346246
I've had the same problem with my mother and the result wasn't a good one, her relationships with her boyfriends put a wedge in our relationship. I learned to deal with it, but I don't want that outcome for you. You have to talk to her about, sometimes that doesn't always work, but at least u can say u tried. The truth is men can brainwash a woman and turn them against there children, its sad but it happens. Try to stay strong with this situation.