Hi, dating a women who does shots,, and at times, it can be over 20 shots, although it not hard liquor, it really makes her drunk.  I love her and tell her, thats its a problem, and she tells me, that it is not, that she only drinks to get a buzz..  Last time, she cussed everyone out for over 30 minutes, and next day, says she didnt!!  Have told her to get help, AAA,, but she says, there is no problem,,  is there a problem with me? Am I seeing something that isnt there? Help!!
217996
Make a video of her doing it....what a wonderful world we live in where you can tape just about anything and everything. Yes she has a problem with drinking because she cannot remember anything she does the next day. What she is doing is killing herself and one day may end up in the hospital for alcohol poisioning if she doesn't watch herself. But ya its AA not AAA, I think your A key got stuck hopefully. AA is not a shame but rather a support group for those who have alcohol dependency. I wouldn't knock it if you don't know what it is like.
285671
Is he an alcoholic? If so he has worked hard to stop. If not I think you are over reacting. He didn't drink for 3 years. I think you should give him an other chance. He came and told you he has been drinking. Give him credit for his honesty. Tell him why you don't want him drinking. If you really love each-other, you will work it out.\n\nGood luck.
407281
She is trying to numb some pain... ask her when she has been sober for a day, what is hurting her to the point of why she is so distructive, get deep with her because she probably feels guilty for having sex so soon and giving into the peer pressure.  Hope you all will be okay
99668
We are all for you, I hope you know that.  But before you let her go remember, she is at war too. That's probably why she was drinking in the first place.  Do you really think it can be easy for her with you there? It's hard on both of you. Try to hold on and try to understand. This damn war is wearing us all out. God speed, and a safe and quick return home for you.
169331
She is a liar.  She did have sex with her ex, and may be telling you because she is pregnant.  If she drank so much that she passed out, it would be rape.  Women know when they've had sex without needing a phone call the next day to remind them.  It has a physical effect on their bodies that they'd notice.  Confront her
110602
Well 28 is a little old to be partyin that hard. I hate guys who are lush's like that. I would not be able to handle my bf going out and getting trashed like that and not remembering..who knows what he's doing while he's drunk without you. I think you should talk to him about it and if that doesn't work you should move on. It's time for him to grow up and be a man.
568621
Yes it happened to me. Last year on my birthday I went out with my friends to the usual bar. Immediately upon walking in the door, I was greeted by the owner with a shot in his hand. He tells me Happy Birthday, hands me the shot, I drink it and immediately run out the front door (closer than the bathroom) Everyone came out to see me puking on the sidewalk. I don't even know what the shot was, all I know is it was some kind of tequila. I don't trust him anymore. lol
282130
girl i am a mom of four kids and i had the same problem about 2 years ago he would take off drinking since thursday and come home sunday night finally when i would ask him he would say because of our finacial problems.  So i went out and got a job and when i told him iwas gonna start going out and drinking he calmed down a lot he still drinks but it nothing like b4.  U need to scare him and he will change we have been together 8 years and now we are happier than ever SCARE HIM DON'T BE AFRAID I WAS AT FIRST BUT TRUST ME HE WILL CHANGE.  \n\n\nGOOD LUCK LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENS K
303381
alcohol makes a person do things he/she wouldn't normally do. I think you're mistaken about him. Listen to him, believe and obey him, and help him stop drinking then prove yourself! You're just confused and need more self esteem.
90529
Is it only 1 person drinking? Are you considering whatever culture they are from? Some people drink wine with lunch and dinner or dinner and supper and into the night and it's not a problem. Other people, it's DEFINITELY a problem. I know a lady who likes her wines just as much as herbal teas and she has been called an alcoholic before, but she really isn't. In fact she is a senior now and can rarely afford any of the special little things she used to treat herself to, so now she maybe has wine a few special occasions a year anymore (and I think that is sad).\n\nIf they are eating well all day long, or especially if they don't have to drive, what is wrong with wine on Saturday? \n\nThere are other considerations to know about to know whether the person is an alcoholic or not.\n\nAside from the AA checklist, somebody pointed out to me that alcoholics are the ones who, when drinking alcohol, consistently allow themselves to render themselves unable to deal with regular life or emergency situations. A non-alcoholic with a few drinks in them would be able to respond quicker and more responsibly to a fire, an injured child or whatever emergency, whereas the alcoholic would be slower to react and/or more upset about what to do before acting to remedy the situation. In a non-alcoholic, supposedly the adrenaline that is supposed to come naturally in emergency situations kind of works better and sobers the person up so they can take care of the emergency. That's what was explained to me by somebody who taught classes about things like that.\n\nBeing Italian, especially if one eats a lot of Italian food, is a pretty good reason to drink wine (in my humble opinion). It's not a cultural thing (and it helps with all that heavy food, too).
232193
You can advise her but you can't make her take action.\n\nIt hurts to see friends involved in self-destructive, negative behavior but we cannot make anyone else do anything. Let her know what you think. Encourage her to aim higher. Don't enable her but don't dump her. Continue to be a friend. She will eventually need you if she stays with this loser.\n\nAnd to one of the previous answers, it is still cheating if you are drunk. Intoxication excuses you from nothing. If you kill someone while drunk driving it is still murder or manslaughter. If you cheat while you are drunk you are still a cheater. Don't make excuses for your crappy behavior.
393106
Some friends of mine, when we were drinking and having a good time, always told me about the reasons they left with no doubts their sweethearts. But, as soon as they got drunk, they started to play in the HiFi "their songs", or the songs that make that emptyness they fell hurt. They used to cry for their girls, and started to call them (2 or 3 a.m.) making them lo listen "the song" and start to tell them thing like "you are nothing without me!!!", "you'll miss me!", "I already have another love", and other lies. He's affraid to be rejected.\nThe reason this guy is calling you is because he is crazy about you, but he doesn't have enough courage to tell you so.\nIf you think he is a good guy, you can give him a little help to move ahead and open his heart to you.  I am like him, with the difference that I never get drunk and never phone anybody when I am in a party.
183546
Please remember she is sick, she suffers from a disease in the center of her mind. Drinking is but a symptom of her disease, it is just the tip of the iceburg. There is a imbalance in her. There is hope! Take her to a detox center, let her take a week to get over the effects of th alcohol in her system, she needs to stabalize, then to recognize her condition. If she can understand that she is powerless over alcohol, she can start a life long journey, one day at a time, to permenent sobriety. A A is the only way she is going to learn the tools she needs to do this. You need to get help as well, Alonon is were you need to be, to learn your tools to recovery. A A was wrote by two people in 1939, since then over two million people have recovered thru this program. 120 different self help groups have been formed using A A principles. A A is in over 100 countries, and has published millions of books, they are very cheap to buy. These numbers are growing every day, it must be doing something right. What do you have to lose? Try it. Remember she is sick, and you would not pinch the I.V. line keeping her alive at the hospital, right?
522421
It is going to get harder on you, rather than her. The shots are nothing compare on what your feelings will be. When she starts getting her shots, her hair will start growing and her voice will changed. You must really love her to go through this with her and not leave her alone. But your feelings is what I am concern with. You will experience, the lost of a wife, you will get angry because she is doing this to you, you will be in a sort of merry go round, for a long time. She will be too, but not as much because she is doing what she wants to do. One thing I will tell you, you are not responsible for what she is doing, it is not your fault, it is nothing that you did. Try to get some help for you in the meantime, because with all the changes in her you will be feeling less than a man. Remember, my friend, you are a good man, and the same man you have always been, keep your head up.  But I must tell you also, you are a very strong man and I do salute you for that. God be with you both.Sincerely, Boricua
241115
Anything you "do" is going to force her to defend him.  I know how frightening the situation is.  It could build in to full blown abuse. If this is what he does when drunk it will only get worse.  Sounds like you have already been through plenty with this relationship. It is so hard to stand by while our kids make big mistakes.  Been there done that! Just be there for emotional support, she will need you.
311039
I just went through this same deal. She was drinking 10-12 beers a day and finally we took her in for dry-out. She's been sober for a year and a half now and just threw me out of the house because we have nothing in common anymore. She's "growing" as a person now. And I'm out in the cold after putting up with her drunkedness for years and helping her through the rehab.
539362
+ I really don't know as I don't seem to have that problem. My girl friend was still having guys call to ask her out when we first started (and she still is) and I suggested that the three of us get together and that never happened. Someone was intimidated, but not me. Seems like the guy would always say no, or that is what I was told. I sure hope that is the truth as I would hate to find out otherwise later.  My thought was that if they thought enough of her to ask her out they probably had the same values as I do so they had to be OK guys and maybe they would be valuable people to know. \nI am getting ready to go on a work trip to South America and I told her that it was OK to have dinner with some of them if she wanted, and I guess that was a wrong answer too. So I am busting back to get everything done and every time I turn around I get asked to do more things. I can't understand it. If I were to do the same thing, would I be considered inconsiderate, thoughtless or greedy for attention? I suppose I will never really understand. I really hope that when I return she will have spent at least one full 48 hour period without having consumed any alcohol as I worry a lot about it and sometimes I stay away because of it. Well I hope my thoughts help you sort out yours. \nGood Luck from a guy who is not intimidated and who cares enough to just walk away if the other person would be happier that way. (Been there done that)