This has been perplexing me for some time.  I have a son(12), daughter(9), and daughter(6).  How do I tell them about the impending divorce.  I plan to fight for custody but am not sure if I'll win.  I believe the kids need to have a good working relationship with both parents whether I have custody or not.  I plan to have a cell phone ready either way so they can contact me anytime.  But how do I break it to them initially?
205946
they already have a sense, just be honest, and let them know its not thier fault
638271
Just bring him over sometime and let them meet him and talk with him.  That way they have the experience of at least having met him first.\n\nBe prepared to talk about it later with them, and address any questions patiently and honestly.  Hopefully, his personality will win them over enough that age won't be a big issue.\n\nI understand it as a parent ... but have also been there ... my daughter dated a 30 yr old when she was 18, and her current boyfriend, live-in, with whome she has a baby, is 37 (she is 23 now).  I can't say much, her father was 14 years my senior, and my current husband is 13 years older than I am.\n\nGive your family a chance.  Maybe it won't be as big a deal as you anticipate.  Also, if they do bring up potential issues, don't just dismiss them out of hand, but consider them first.  Its always good to think things through, even if the conclusion is the same.
367960
You ask "how do I know WHEN to call it quits"  as if you assume it's inevitable.  Instead ask, "What do I need to do to work this out before it gets worse?"  The same way you would with a sibling or another family member.  You want it to work because they are your family, and you should view your husband the same way.  With a few rare exceptions, divorce shouldn't even be a consideration.  I don't hear anything in what you've said to indicate yours is one of those rare exceptions.
663518
Get a lawyer - some will take your case & get payment from your husband plus attend some type pyschological counseling.  You  are being screwed here.   You are entitled to  spousal support; plus visitation.  File an OSC & ask attorney to go ex-parte to get  you temporary financial support until the hearing.\nYou can also fill out paperwork online if CA,,, use this website \nhttp://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/  \nChild needs counseling & when you go to court demand child get it.  No child has the right to pysically abuse their parent & you as her parent should not be penalized by losing your home or the other daughter.\nSeems husband is not doing right by you...  you need to get angry & start standing up for yourself &  your rights
276153
If you're younger than 18, then you should probably tell them.  As a parent of daughters, it would be very important for me to know who my child is involved with.  This day and age it is the safe thing to do.  If you care that much about him, then your parents should understand .. they really do know a little about being in love! ;-)
438040
Support for your two younger children will be set at your divorce.  Support for your first child has to be 'established ' first.  Anytime a payer has a significant increase in income--support should be adjusted.  Talk to someone at your local child support office.  (You probably will have to with your impending divorce anyway.)  They will contact your boy's father regarding support.  And if it is a huge increase, you may be able to agree to a lesser amount of support (still getting a big increase) and you will look like the 'good guy'.  Also, if you're going to apply for benefits (medical assistance, food stamps etc) from your state, this will compel the CSA to collect a proper amount of support for your kids.\n\n\nHere's a link to your states CSE website:\n\nhttp://www.okdhs.org/
54978
Im a teenager, and let me tell you right now, do it, divorce be happy. The only thing that is hurting your daughter even more is watching you fight. Shell be much better off knowing you are happy with this other woman you are talking about, its like a relief, just so you wont fight with her mom anymore. Its better off seperating than living a lifetime of unhappiness for you and your daughter. You should definetly talk to your daughter about the whole situation, shes barely 14. Let her live comforatably even if that means you seperate from your wife, because together you obviously cant be.\n\nI hope I made sense, I know im only 15 and youre wondering what i am thinking telling you to divorce your wife, but my parents are unhappy sometimes and I think they stay together because of their children, but I dont want them to be unhappy because of us. Theyre people too.
545416
Just write your own agreement, stating the arrangements you have agreed upon.  Each sign a copy and have a witness for each of you sign as well.  Then if you ever have to go to court, you at least have something written down on what was agreed upon.  My brother and his ex went to court and then came up with their own agreement.  They just cancelled the court date and now share custody of their daughter.
112975
Depends on a lot of things.  I would really need to know more about your situation.  Are your parents getting a divorce?  How much do you know about the details of why?  Do you have brothers or sisters?  If you need someone to help you think this through, I'll be happy to point out some things to consider.\n\nWhat I will say for now is that it is unfair for your parents to put you in this situation.  This is something that the family should discuss, where a solution that best meets everyone's needs is agreed upon.    \n\nIn most cases, just like in nature, a mother is never going to be able to part with their child and it would break her heart.
76611
ISthat what you want to teach your daughter together,on how to deal whith that situation,talk to your ex and him together  let them know whats up,If your daughter wants to move in go for it having your kids around you is time well spent
419114
I'd get up and leave the room. With that said.  My son says my hubby and I fight alot, and to us we are not fighting.  We are discussing different things and giving our points of view to each other.  Usually we don't raise our voices and maybe it would be considered bickering by some.  But really it is harmless.  So I wouldn't worry about the divorce issue.  If they say they wouldn't get divorced than believe them.  No sense worrying about it until it really happens.  \n\nOn the other end of it.  It is not fair for either of them to ask you to side with them.  But maybe they are trying to get you in on a discussion.  Make it a family thing?\n\nGood luck.
555723
I have 3 kids by my ex and he went off to Australia with his new wife. He stopped paying and I am fighting him in court (at great cost to myself) but now he wants to see his kids for 4 weeks this Christmas. I KNOW your feelings totally. But you have to carry the burden because children are better off if they have a relationship with their dads. Just dont compete. When they get older they will realise what went on. But equally dont put up with their lippyness. Dont let it go on. Make your ex look after them sometimes so you have some time to yourself. And get on with your own life. Your boys need a possitive male rolemodel in their life (your dad, or a brother or a new husband) Get on, get your life back into shape and make some time for yourself. You need it and so do your boys.
614807
Sad. \nI am a father with custody of my now 20 year old daughter. It is very sad. If it doesn't work out, you will greive the end of the relationship.\n\nYou owe it to yourself to rest knowing you did everything you could to keep the relationship. I would make one last case with her. Try to convince her to stay with you, but if and probably when she rejects it, move on. \n\nDo your best to get a non-contested divorce. Know this, you will only retain custody of your son if she allows it. Courts give the children to the mother if they just look like they want it. So if she agrees, keep your son with you, if not, let her have him and fight for the best visitation you can get, Joint custody, if you can get it.\n\nDo some work on healing yourself and do what you can to get yourself back to happy with yourself. People make mistakes, big mistakes but it doesn't make them failures. Don't expect to re-establish a close relationship until you have gotten yourself off the rebound and back to a normal life.\n\nGood Luck and Sorry to hear about your loss.
578278
Same problem in my case.\n\nI have 3 sisters, so there are four girls in my family. When my parents got divorced, the court was on the verge of awarding custody to my mother even though she was whacked out and had been in a mental hospital 3 times. The only thing that changed that was her threatening to kill my father (and the court reporter heard it) and her trying to kill my sisters and I. \n\nI don't know why the court does this, but fight with all you've got for your daughter. She needs her dad. Lord knows I need mine. I'm 13 and wouldn't be here if not for my dad.\n\nGod Bless.
236126
I have been through a divorce for this reason. I think if you have children and fight in front of them all the time, its best to go seperate ways so they dont have to suffer.
371399
"Any thoughts on family law. Advise please!? My question is in regards to visitation, child support and child's well-being.  My 5 yr old son's father used to be very regular on child support payments and visitation. 2 years ago I remarried and began going to counselling because of problems with or son. In this time we discovered he had a problem with transitions. We got my son's father to come to a meeting and he agreed to help anyway he could. About year ago, he decided to take on a new job which was supposed to pay off some debt he had. His visitation became less frequent and payments started becoming late. I confronted him on his decision as my son was already getting very upset about less visitation, Plus he was acting out. Then last April he went on a trip for a month overseas. He kept up his payments but his visitation was getting worse.Now both visitation and payments are declining. He is not phoning to say he can't make it my son is very upset. What can I do from a legal standpoint? What are my son's rights? Thank you."\n\nThere is no quick answer to your question.\n\nYou have two separate issues that are not really related in the eyes of the law.\n\nFirst, there is the problem of irregular visitation by the non-custodial parent and the impact it has on your child.  Unfortunately, there's nothing the Court can do about that and as you already know, you'll be challenged in your own attempts to deal with it.\n\nLet me stress that in response to your amplification on the question (here and elsewhere): There is nothing you can do in a legal forum to make a dad a better dad.  If you feel that your child's interaction with his father is detrimental to the child, then you can ask a judge to have visitation reduced or entirely eliminated (though usually the father has to be unfit in order to justify such actions).  I understand that it's a rough set of circumstances, but unless there is abuse or neglect-- that is causing actual physical harm to your son or a failure to thrive-- the courts and even governmental agencies like Child Protective Services (or DCFS, etc.) are powerless to act.\n\nIt isn't the role of government to make people better parents.  You picked the father and had a child with him.  That means dealing with him-- and all the problems he brings along-- at least until your child is 18 years of age.  That's just the reality of it.  And no court can change that.\n\nSeparate the issue of visitation and child support in your mind-- and then call the child's father and-- focusing on the psychological needs of your child-- ask that the father make more frequent phone calls to his child and that he try to keep up with the visitation schedule better.  Try to be understanding about your ex's situation-- because being snippy and accusative with him won't get the results you want for your child.  \n\nAgain, in response to your amplification, even if you've been patient for a very long time and you have now run out of understanding and patience, if it's your child that you care about then you'll remember honey's the best way to catch a fly.  That it isn't too much too ask for the father to keep his visitation schedule isn't what's going to get him involved.  If you nag, he won't want to come around.  If you hound him, he won't want to come around.  If he owes support and doesn't want to feel guilty about it, then he won't come around.  You have a lot to do with whether or not he'll come around to spend time with your child.  \n\nSecond, there's the separate issue of child support.  Back child support is something the Court can and will do something about.  In fact, you don't even have to go to Court-- your state has a child support enforcement agency mandated by federal law that will help you collect back child support.  \n\nI'd start by contacting them and filling out an application to get their ass
455182
Don't let your kids call someone else Dad unless you are married to that person.  You are jacking up you daughter.   Shame!