1. Should I be takin’ off my jacket? No, but you can take your pants off. Just kidding!\n\n2. The further not set. There is no fate but what we make for yourselves.\n\n3. I'm Santa Claus, not Dracula! \n\n4. I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me.\n\n5. If I were you, lady, I'd kill the ungrateful piggy. \n\n6. He can't help it - he's just ignorant. He doesn't know any better than to tell the truth. And I can't help this stupid look. I started acquiring it as you gained in social prominence!
201235
1. Should I be takin’ off my jacket? No, but you can take your pants off. Just kidding!\n\nIs this from a movie?\n\n2. The future has not been written. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. \nTerminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) Said by John Connor (Nick Stahl)\n\n3. I'm Santa Claus, not Dracula! \nSanta's Slay (2005) Said by Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg)\n\n4.  I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me. \nThe Longest Yard (2005) Said by Caretaker (Chris Rock)\n\n5. If I were you, lady, I'd kill the ungrateful piggy.\nA Nightmare On Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989) Said by Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund)\n\n6. He can't help it - he's just ignorant. He doesn't know any better than to tell the truth. And I can't help this stupid look. I started acquiring it as you gained in social prominence!\nMcLintock! (1963) Said by George Washington McLintock (John Wayne)
85725
1.red bean\n2.i'm cold!!!!\n3.becoz he has red underware only\n\nright????
499789
I like a lot\n1."Elizabeth... It would never have worked between us, darling. I'm sorry. Will... Nice hat."\n2."Do us a favor... I know it's difficult for you... but please, stay here, and try not to do anything... stupid."\n3."You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"\n4."Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid."
59824
been nowhere, did nothing, stole the t shirt.\ncome to the dark side, we have cookies.\nback with a vengence... and a mug of cocoa.\nsaw it, wanted it, threw a tantrum, got it.\na pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick up the backside.\nof course i dont look busy, i did it right the first time.\nalways remember that you're unique, yust like everyone else.\ni started out with nothing and still have most of it left.\nDo unto others…then run.\nYes I missed you. But my aim is improving.\nSupport your local medical examiner - die strangely.\nThe main reason Santa is jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.\nLife’s a beach, and then you drown.\nLife in a vacuum sucks.\nGot kleptomania? Take something for it.\nRomans didn’t find algebra challenging because X was always 10.\nLife’s short and hard - kind of like a bodybuilding elf.\nTwo wrongs don’t  make a right, but three lefts do.\nI’m not afraid of the dark…it’s the stuff in the dark I’m afraid of.\nEven if the voices aren’t real, they come up with some good ideas.\nRock is dead…long live paper and scissors!
553868
" Go piss up a rope."\n\n"You should really consider having a Plexiglas's window installed in your stomach so that you can actually see first hand what your head looks like while up your as*s."  \n\n"Go die or something."\n\n"Did your mother use you as bait to distract vicious dogs or something."\n\nand my most favorite one of all times...  "People are not chocolate, but if they were, they would be Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling."     \n\nI got that from Scrubs!  \n\nGod...I have a million of these...  I speak smartas(s...  I really don't have very much vocabulary beyond the come back...
372247
1. horse\n2. chocolate\n3. kind of wet and down\n4. blue\n5. Whichever wasn't bad for me!\n6. Yes!\n7. Under my bed, partying with the Boogey Man\n8. Of course!\n9. I don't know!\n10. The sky!\n11. yes... :-)\n12. No! I wanted it to last forever!
120611
01. yyou're so sweet you'd put hershey's out of business.\n\n02. if you were a booger i'd pick you first.\n\n03. you must be jamaican because you are jamaican me crazy.
490601
1, [TIME]-I'm living on borrowed time.\n                 Video games require such an expenditure of time.\n[LIFE]- My marriage was just a pit stop on the road to Mandalay.\n            I don't know  what lies ahead on the road to success.\n[PEOPLE]- She withered away in sadness after he left her.\n             She wrapped her arms around me like a vine on a\n             trellis.\n[UNDERSTANDING]- I preach, I rant, but you just don't see!\n                    In order to understand relativity, you must first visualize yourself on a stationary boat where the shore is always floating away from you.\n\n2. Cheer up! \n    Nobody knows you when you're down and out.\n            Your frown brings me down.   I was up $300, but I left a loser.       Better put in some oil.  You're down 2 quarts. \nIt may rain too much in Seattle, but there is an up side to living there.     Don't look down on me just because I am poor.\n\n3. [TIME]  I sit alone writing songs while time rolls past my window.\n    The past is in the graveyard, the future is on the red eye to the pearly gates.\n[COMMUNICATION]  She funnelled her hopes and dreams  into a  pint bottle and threw them overboard.  \nThey hoped the march would send the president  a message.\n[ANGER] He was so pertubed he nearly boiled over with vitriol, and steam was pouring out of his ears.\nShe was a seething cauldron of molten lava, waiting  for a chance to erupt.\nI hope these are what you were looking for.\n\nCheers.
118732
1. Some men interpret nine memos.\n2. Was it Eliot's toilet I saw?\n3. Ed, I saw Harpo Marx ram Oprah W. aside.\n4. Too bad, I hid a boot. \n5. Dammit, I'm mad!
365160
You're lucky I love this book and it's sitting next to me...\n\nAtticus: "if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you see things from his point of view--"\nScout: "Sir?"\nAtticus: "--until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."\n\n\nThe two answerers above me- did you ever consider this is a high school student that can't figure it out?  Perhaps they are being lazy or perhaps they just don't know which quote is correct.  Don't answer the question if you're just going to be a jerk.
440024
1st-no holiday dress's, \n2nd-who the F cares what he thinks-i don't\n3rd-i will wear what i want\n4th-what i wanna hear is take it off and come here\n5th-repeat #4 alot\n\nthats a happy holiday
233242
1 - Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.\n\n2 - Man who run in front of car get tired.\n\n3 - Man who run behind car get exhausted.\n\n4 - Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.\n\n5 - Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.\n\n6 - Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to  Bangkok.\n\n7 - Man with one chopstick go hungry.\n\n8 - Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.\n\n9 - Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.\n\n10 - Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.\n\n11 - Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on  earth.\n\n12 - War does not determine who is right; war determine who is left.\n\n13 - Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.\n\n14 - Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.\n\n15 - It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.\n\n16 - Man who drive like hell bound to get there.\n\n17 - Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.\n\n18 - Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.\n\n19 - Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.\n\n20 - Man who fart in church sit in own pew.\n\n21 - Crowded elevator smell different to midget.\n\n\nA mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined The body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an Amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest schlong he had ever seen!\n\n"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge schlong like this. It has to be saved for posterity."\n\nAnd with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took It home.\n\nThe first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase. "Oh my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"\n\n\nThere was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child.\n\n"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"\n\nThe wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
510596
1. Fool in Love\n\n2. Love makes you Stupid\n\n3. Walk away! \n\n4. Fool To the Rescue\n\n5. Poison Arrow\n\n6. Idiots are born every Day\n\nThe book cover could display each girl grabbing the guys arms and pulling him apart.\n\nOr a picture of him sitting behind bars, head in hands, devestated.\n\nAnd my last suggestion (drum roll please)…if you are a bad drawer, then make the cover simple.\nUse a black background, and white stick figures.\n\nHave the guy in the middle, holding hands with each girl. Put skirts on them, so the reader can tell there's a difference.  Sometimes keeping it simple is more!\n\nGood luck.
606281
Pease porrige hot\nPease porrige cold\nPease porrige in the pot\nNine days old.\nSo come on down to the school cafeteria\nAnd have some nine-day old green bacteria!\n\n\nJack be nimble\nJack be quick\nJack jumped over the candlestick\nJack jumped high\nBut the flames jumped higher\nand Jack came down with his pants on fire\nHe'll never walk again except on cratches, \nSo don't you play with candle and matches!
556208
To add to those above:\n\n1) It's on the tip of my tongue: I know what it is but I can't think of it.\n2) Break a leg: good luck\n3) Put your foot in your mouth: said something and then realized that it was inappropriate or wrong\n4) You've got a chip on your shoulder: you've decided to not like something/someone, so you're easily offended by anything that has to do with that something/someone.\n5) Turn a blind eye: ignore something that you may not approve of\n6) Pulling my leg: trying to deceive me (but in a joking manner)\n7) Play by ear: see how the situation goes and decide how to deal with it as it goes along--impromptu.\n\nIt's difficult defining these; I hope they make sense.
399825
told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield \n\nThere is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that. - Steve Martin \n\nFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. - George Burns \n\nThe pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. - Marty Feldman \n\nIf your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. - Dick Cavett \n\nI'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Dave Edison \n\nWhy don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. - Steven Wright \n\nTragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks
421570
1-I'd be there, letting you crush my finger bones during each contraction.\n2-I'd grab you, throw you over my shoulder and carry you home. Then I'd put you in the shower naked.\n3-I'd get you nice and clean, then make you be nice and dirty.\n4-I'd probably let it slide, but I'd remind you that you could've just asked to use my toilet.\n5-Fortunately, I'm trained in Heimlich, CPR, and such. And I tend to keep a pretty cool head in such situations.\n6-That's breaking and entering, but I wouldn't call the cops if you would submit to my own brand of punishment. (!)\n7-I think you've gotten the point by now.\n8-Maybe. Let's get to know each other first.\n9-I only have one bedroom. ;-}\n10-Where do I begin? I have a pretty long list....\n11-see #8