i've caught my husband cheating on me several times now. while i have resigned to the fact that he will not change and just go on with my life, i couldn't leave him because we have 3 very young children. i still live with him but i no longer have sex with him. \n\ntwo months ago, i met a very wonderful man--he's never like the man i married, he's 13 years my senior and we really get along well. and has asked me to join him.\n\nrecently the philandering fool have forced himself on me, stalked me outside my parents' house and begged me to come home (make my life whole again, said he) and raped me again.\n\nhe has stalked me, and i really couldn't get away from him. if i do leave him, he will not give child support (he did it before). i tried leaving him but he would threaten me with physical harm and what have you. the only solution that i see is to get out of this country for good and join my lover.\n\ndo i have more options?
204982
Call the police. If he has raped you press charges. Just because you are married to some one does not give them the right to force sex on you. And your children will understand when they get older. The guy sounds crazy, you need to protect your family. You really need to talk to the police and see how they can help you. And turn to the Bible for answers as well. You do have scriptuall grounds for divorce and re-marriage. You really need to change your situation. Hope everything gets better for you and you children! I'll pray for you!
93025
My husband cheated on me shortly after we got together...but I did say he's my husband, right?  He swears up and down to never do it again, it's hard to forget, but I have forgiven him and am still, after 2 1/2 years trying to forget.  It's not easy, but I love him too, and don't want to let go.  He respects me for forgiving him, and since I gave him a second chance, he will be faithful to me.
6450
Hun, I'm so sorry. I think you have to let go. I know you don't want to hear this. But he has to make his own mistakes. Stay strong......keep your dignity. If he comes back.....you will feel that you did the right thing and he will need to prove himself again. Just be strong and don't stop being you.
462016
well a hard question, but if you have tried everything and talked to your husband about how you feel and he wont change then its time to end it.\nbe careful the fact that he digrades you and belittles you publicly is often the early signs of an abusive man. he is on a power trip and whats you to feel bad about yourself and make you think everything that happens to go wrong is your fault. once he gets you comfortablw with the he may get physically abusive to you. or else he may threaten to or actually harm your children. \nbe careful and make a plan for your exit. once you make up your mind you need to follow through and leave and don't ever look back\nif you want to talk to someone you can email me. ive been there and im out now.
281680
my ex-husband beat me for 3 years, it took 3 years for me to get away from him (he killed somone) and another 4 years to get him out of my life. once they hit you, they will always hit you. we where together a year before we got married, and he seemed to be a nice person, after we got married he started yelling at me and bring me down mentally, then the hitting started, by that time i was telling myself... he loves me, i need to stop making him mad, i asked for it... but all the time he never cared about. it was a control issue on his part. my exhusband was also 6 years older then too. he made me lose a baby...was mentally locked up for 3 months,locked me in a closet and set it on fire, hit me in the bas with a shovel and stompped on my face, also shot me in the arm etc, just to name a few things.. it got to the point that i knew he was going to kill me or i was going to kill him, and i had no were to go. i have to tell you that it only gets worse, and you need to leave him with your children. i also want to warn you that because you have children, he will think that he can harsse you this way also, if you do let him see the kids, please watch them for misgiven...any little sign, and cut him out of there life too. i am not saying that he will hurt them, but most of the time they do, when they can not get to you. my advice...get help, there are a lot more porgrams and places out there now then when this was happening to me.
74214
Well Jess, I can really relate to your problem.  I was also in a 5 1/2 year relationship with a guy who was also in law enforcement.  He cheated on me with 22 women while we were together.  He, too, lied about EVERYTHING.  He had a lot of friends in law enforcement who were married, and they were all cheating on their wives.  I don't know what it is about that profession, but all of the ones I have known have become unfaithful to their partners.  And as for this other guy you are seeing... okay, maybe you didn't sleep with him YET, but the simple fact remains that he has a wife at home and if he is calling all of the time and telling you how much you mean to him, then he might as well be cheating!!  And you never know, law enforcement personnel are some of the most biggest manipulators in the world... he may be telling you that he doesn't want to cheat so that when it does finally happen, you won't feel so bad about it!  I understand how this man makes you feel, but your emotions are getting in the way because you are going through such a hard time with your husband.  You have to make a rational decision about this.  I think the best thing you can do is to leave your husband... he is no good for you and never will be.  Also leave the other guy alone because he will be doing the same thing before long!  I hope I have helped you and if you need someone to talk to more about your situation, please don't hesitate to contact me at nisey513@yahoo.com... Good luck!
178429
Leave him.\n\nChances are, it wasn't his first time, nor is it likely to be his last, especially if you let him "get away" with it.\n\nIf you think there might be a way to salvage your marriage, and possibly might be able to forgive him and forget it, and not let it come into your mind for the rest of your lives, you might try to work it out.
273476
i was in your almost same situattion i was 17 (pregnant) he was 31. I lived in Nh i ran away to NYC. He got very possesive than that turned to abuse. Go back to your family, you dont knpw what you are putting them through. Atleast let them knoe that you are ok to let them know you are alive. I did see my mom for year & half & she wasnt mad please let them know you are ok. Do you know what its like to have the FBI contact your family saying they have a teenage girl that matches their daughters description. well thats what happened to my mom & i regret the hell i put her through. If i could only do it over. I now have a daughter & hope she never puts me through what i put my mom through.\nremember family is forever. please go back & if you need anyone to talk to email me.
673399
SERIOUSLY, GET HELP NOW AND GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. THIS IS CALLED ABUSE, AND HE IS OBVIOUSLY AN ABUSER. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS. YOU'RE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. GET OUT, GET HELP, GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I BEEN THERE DONE THAT, AND I SPENT SIX YEARS WITH AN ABUSER. AT FIRST IT IS ONLY WORDS. THEN IT'S SLAPS, AND THEN BEATINGS. IF YOU STAY, YOU WILL END UP SERIOUSLY HURT OR DEAD. THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE OF HIM, & YOU SHOULD GET TO IT. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LAME, BUT GET COUNSELING IMMEDIATELY. FRIENDS, FAMILY, WHOEVER. I LOST SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE TO A LOSER. HE HAD ME TOTALLY CONVINCED THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD EVER WANT ME AND I DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT I GOT. I HAD NO SELF ESTEEM AND NO SELF RESPECT. I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS AND MOST OF MY FAMILY BECAUSE OF THAT LOSER. THE ONLY THING THAT OPENED MY EYES AND SAVED MY LIFE WAS GETTING PREGNANT, AND REALIZING THAT I DID NOT WANT MY CHILD TO LIVE WITH HIM TELLING HER THAT SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH, & HIM BEATING ON HER & EVENTUALLY LOSING MINE OR HER OR BOTH OF OUR LIVES  BECAUSE HE JUST WENT "A LITTLE TOO FAR" WITH THE BEATINGS ONE DAY. PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN. THERE IS NO REASON ON EARTH FOR YOU TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GET HELP & GET OUT. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN HELP YOURSELF, AND IN THE LONG RUN, IT WILL BE WELL WORTH IT. DON'T BE STUPID & WAIT LIKE I DID.
324998
Listen honey I have been in a bad relationship myself and know where you arecoming from you have to stand up for yourself and move on you say you can't leacve Why? they have got you to the point where you are wallowing in self pity just as they like you. What is happening here is domestic abuse and it has to end before you end first. For your childrens sake leave him if he don't like it tell him where to go ****himself or tell him if he loves you to stand up to his family for you though from the sound of it he is week as s**t no man should ever allow anyone including his family to run you down. I wish i could do more for you but sadly I can't if you need to chat though send me an email and I will keep chatting and offering no strings advice I am a voluntary member of the samaritans and will make timwe to chat if you need me.
610211
Seems to me he is a cheater who will hurt you again.  The only way to prevent it (other than dumping/divorcing him) is for him to seek professional help - and maybe you should go with him, not cuz you did anything wrong, but to support him and have it be a "together" thing.\n\nIf he doesn't want to work with you to overcome this situation and build a solid future with you, then your marriage will continue to get worse till you decide you've had enough - if he doesn't decide it first.  Marriage takes hard work and commitment, more so when you have children, so I hope you 2 work it out.  If not, learn from it, accept your sad fate, and face the future as a single mom with confidence and self-respect.
569406
Honey, you are not overreacting at all.  This man does not respect you.  I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling.  Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years.  You've lost yourself in this relationship.  I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man.  He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature.  You stooped to his level.  What you should do is leave.  It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man.  Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.  \n\nI don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder.  I speak from experience.  I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man.  And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband.  I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day.  Why should I live with that, and why should you.  \n\nHow dare he stop you from working if you want to work.  That's a way of him staying in control of you.  Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there.  Start planning your way out.  You will be so happy when you find yourself again.  And don't forget, God is there for you.  Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.
644499
Whether or not you get a divorce, your marriage has been over for a long time. Your husband broke a trust, and your heart as well.\nWomen remain in marriages for financial security sometimes. If that is why you are still married, I understand. However, you do not love the man you are married to anymore. There is no "home" at your address. You family is NOT "together", even if they're in the same house.\nThe minute your husband broke your marriage contract by having an affair, you had no more moral obligation to remain in the contract. \nSome women (like Jackie Kennedy) do not mind a philandering husband. You are not one of those women. \nYou could give him the benefit of the doubt. But, if you decide to do that, you need to tell him you can only stay married to him if he agrees to marriage counseling. Tell him you have tried to forgive and forget but that his old patterns are resurfacing and you are insecure because of the past.\nYou will know, probably, by his reaction to your confrontation, whether he wants a marriage or not.\nIt does get better. The future is brighter. I wish you the best of luck.
67923
I would reccomend that you do some real tough self analysis, Im not suggesting that your nuts, Im talking about looking deep within yourself to see why you want to be with this man? Your evidence is ;\nhe has been emotionaly abusive to your children.\nhe has been emotionaly abusive to you\nhe may be trying to get you to do things you dont want to  \n          He knows you and you know him, ask yourself, do I want to go through this again, do I think he will be good to my children this time?\n          It sounds to me like he has many issue's to work out before he could be a good husband and father. I'm sorry if this sounds very judgmental, but I have very little patience for abusors. I feel that the victims of abuse need to be taken care of first and kept safe. If he wants to become a person who will be good for you and your kids let him do it first then consider reconciliation.\n     This way you will not have to deal with more abuse from him, no one needs hear put downs from their family, and you wont have to deal with any guilt you would have for allowing him into the lives of your children and him doing more emotional damage to them.
136280
Ehh, I am going to go out on a limb here, and say that you shouldn't AUTOMATICALLY leave him, unless he is still activly particpating in his marriage, in which case you should.  I have to say that I was married, but not (we were separated), and I started a relationship with an amazing woman, but I was up front about my status.  Give him a chance to explain himself, if you don't like what he has to say then you can slap him and leave.  Don't act to hasty, get the lay of the land before you make a decision.  Good luck my dear, I hope it turns out ok.
158166
You are not alone. You do not have to continue living with your abusive husband. He is not going to change. No matter how tearful and sincere his apologies may be, he will batter you again.\n\nYou can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7) toll free at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They can give you the number of your local program. The people who work for these programs are trained to help women in you situation navigate the social service and legal system. They may also have a shelter to provide you and your children with temporary housing.\n\nNo matter how much you love him you cannot fix him. You may think that if I can just love him enough it will get better. You could pour all the love in the world into him and he would still abuse you. \n\nYou can only fix you and make a better life for you and your children. When you make that call make sure he's nowhere around, like when he's at work. You need to be safe when you make that call. \n\nI'd be happy to talk with you if you want to email me. God bless you and your children.
411040
He accuses you of cheating because he is cheating.  Its guilt.  And hell ya you should get out of this relationship.  It is not healthy for you or your child and you guys deserve a sincere caring man who will treat you how you should be treated.\n\nIt is easy to fall into a trap with a person you have been so use to.  But believe me, after you leave you will realize you made the right choice.  It is hard at first, but it only can get better.\n\nGet out when you can, the longer you wait the harder it will be.  Dont you want to see yourself and your child out of a situation in which crazy situations like dad chasing him with a knife is not in the picture.