well, the thing is that my husbands says that he still loves me, but he wants to leave me and our 2 boys, he says he has failed us and that he needs time for himself. i used to argue when he left with his friends, but now after he told me how he feels, i told him i wont do any problems if he wants to go out. we leave with my parents, so i told him that we should move so that things will get better, he thinks that sooner or later it will happen. iam cofused he loves me, but yet he feels like he needs to be alone and do his things, i dont know how to make him understand that we could try it together. how can i make him feel different he is so sad, but he said that the spark we had at the beggining is not there anymore, we are 2 years married, on 4/29/06 is our 2 anniversary. please respond asap?
207030
I am so sorry!  I know this has to be painful and devastating.  Did you suggest marriage counseling to him?  If you have and he refuses, then he really doesn't want to work it out....which means he has someone else or wants to be "single" again.  If you haven't suggested it, please do.\n\nIf he feels this way and refuses to seek help, then you would be further ahead to divorce him.  It will be too traumatic to your kids and you to try to save a relationship where one of the parties doesn't want to save it.\n\nI hope you can find some true happiness for your children and yourself.
128875
Your late husband will ALWAYS know what is going on with you and his boys.  He still loves you, and wants you all to be happy.  If (and when) you meet another man, know that he understands.  He is gone, but you still have a life to continue with.  I can not say I know how you feel.  If I lost my husband, I would have a VERY hard time going on without him.  You have 2 sons to live for and help thru this awful time.  God love you all.
8132
1.  If you are having problems in your current relationship that you just run away from, they will come back on you.  Get counseling before you do something irrevocable.\n2.  It's not fair to your husband to dissolve your relationship without giving him a chance to make it work better.  \n3.  If you really feel that you should be single, price out how much it will be to leave your husband.  Can you get a place to stay that is safe and affordable?  Will your husband be able to stay where you live or are you going to force him to leave his home?  \n4. If you leave, do you have any single friends?  How are you going to meet these mythical lovers?  Are you being realistic in your expectations or are you daydreaming about finding the perfect lover?\n5. You say you want "freedom".  What kind of freedom are you looking for, and could you possibly find it within your marriage?  And if you can't get it within your marriage, why do you think you can get it outside of your marriage?\n\nWhatever you do, I recommend a book called "Recovering Love", by J. Richard Cookerly.  Ignore the subtitles, the book is really about what really makes marriages work.  It will help you and your husband rebuild your relationship if you choose that path, and it will help you choose future lovers better if that's the path you choose.
43232
It (probably) means that it wasn't meant to be. You two have lived it up and have produced two lovely children. I'm sure the both of you love them more than life itself. But perhaps that's where it ends...It seems like you have tried everything. Hell, you even went to counseling. Good job on both of your parts. You two want it to work. Maybe you're going through a phase? Maybe you should spice things up a bit. Join a club together, join together in a new sport, go hiking, camping, maybe you could spend less time with each other. Mabe ALL you need is a BREAK. C'mon now...16 years together. THAT tells you something. It cannot just stop like that. Do not give up. There is a reason why the two of you are together. There is a reason why you met, why you got married, why you decided to create children. Reminisce together about the days when you were younger, the crazy things you guys did for each other, the first time you told each other 'I Love you', etc. Do not give up. If it's an attraction/physical thing, work it out (Literally). Get sexy, make him look at you like you're the hottest thing to have walked this earth. It's not over sweetie. I believe in you guys.
337991
This is a seemingly growing problem. Years ago people were together more. Now it seems we barely get time to say hi and bye. Life has changed the dynamics of relationships these days. However, it doesn't mean it's impossible to reconnect on an intimate level with your hubby.\n    You asked can you fall out of love with your hubby after 5 years? And the answer is a simple, Yes. Can you also reconnect and fall back in love? Again a simple YES! \n  The first step was the realization that there is a problem. The next step and maybe the hardest step is to change the way things are. In order to make changes, (and I know I have said this before, but I think it's worth saying again) You have to do the exact opposite of what you are doing now. Which means stop doing what you are currently doing, it's not working! You mentioned you had no "us" time, and that is what I would start with first. MAKE COUPLE TIME! Put your child to bed and sit down and watch a movie together. Try to go to bed together and if nothing else, just cuddle. Talk about your day, and how you can make tomorrow better. You each need to talk about your dreams, goals, and what you want for the future. You each will have separate goals, but you will also need goals as a couple. \nI would also recommend counseling. You can use your pastor, (if you have one) A close family friend with whom you trust and can be neutral, or a professional counselor.\nOther things that you might want to try is a "date" night for you and hubby. Get a babysitter (one you trust) and go away for the weekend once every 3-6 months. Spend quality time together as a couple. it doesn't have to cost a fortune. All you need is a desire to want things to change and a creative mind. I wish you all of the best!
45722
When did your feelings change?\n\nWhat happened outside of your marriage at that time?\n\nYou may simply be looking for an excuse to leave him.  Your likely some where around 30 and that is a tough time in a marriage or out.\n\nKeep in mind that marriages take a great deal of work and nearly all of them have challenging periods.  That’s when you knuckle down and find a way through the tough times.  Your feelings changed once and they can change again.  Just imagine yourself ten years down the road after you have left him, simply because you didn’t try to work through a tough patch.  \n\nIt sounds as if everything else is okay and since you’re the one disturbed, maybe it is you.  If it is you, you might consider that your feelings toward him are relative to your feelings toward someone else.  \n\nMy wife and I have been together 51 years and married 46 years.  It has taken lots of work through tough times, but somehow it has maintained.
308644
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.
429049
Hi, has he always been like this or is it just the spell you've been arguing.\nMarriage is hard work and needs constant nuturing from both sides to feel loved by the other side.\nSome people (men and women) have difficulty in expressing themselves, is this your husband?\nIf so, maybe you accepting this as him and noticing the other ways he does express love will help, but there is nothing like a hug and hearing how we are loved so do understand where you are coming from.\nA husband and wife will either knit together over the years or move in opposite directions (like my ex and I) but for it to work you must be moving in the same direction. \nTalking to him and continuing to express yourself, your love is all you can do really, and hope he hears you before you change, because you will in time.\nMaking time for those special moments will also help, there is always another little trick we can pull out the hat to surprise him, reveal another mystery about yourself-try it-remind him of why he got with you. ;)\nJust keep trying until he either wakes up or loses out with the woman he fell for and married, I wish you both luck xxx
400269
I would really keep an eye on this ~ Sometimes men feel rejected or left out when there are small children around (and especially when there is a newborn or one on the way) ~ My husband did things like this and I ended up just having to talk to him about it and letting him know that it is not OK.  If you have an issue with it, he should stop doing whatever it is that upsets you.  His first priority is YOU and his children and NOT his first wife.  For him to not tell you until days later is selfish and also shows that he is trying to hide it from you.  My question would be to ask yourself, what else is he hiding?  My husband on the other hand does not do this anymore because I had to keep reminding him that his first priority must be me and the children or else he can just leave.. .Our children are more grown up and independent now, however,  If we didn't have our kids to argue about, we wouldn't argue about anything.  ~ It just takes time and alot of adjustment.  We have been married for 9 years.
300075
I'm glad you were able to get that off of your chest, but I'm not really sure what you are seeking here?\n\nSounds like you are in a rock and a hard place and you have tried communication to no avail.\n\nSometimes you have to cut line and move on.  I'd hate for someone to say this to me, I love my hubby very much, but in your shoes, if he were not listening to me or my feelings on the matter, and issuing dictates on how and when I could talk, it would be time to walk.\n\nGood luck with this.  I hope you find peace.
347178
I am a business man and travel a lot. I love my wife and our 2 kids with all my heart. The problem is that when you are away you get used to be alone. When i come home i feel very happy but at the same time it takes me about 1 or 2 days to get used to all the yelling, playing, running of the kids. The same with the affection my wife gives to me. I do not know is this is OK but happens to me.\nHope i give you some inside. Best wishes!!\n\nPS  Best to do: Give him space the first day, and everything will be fine.
314226
IM BISEXUAL AND LOVE A MARRIED MAN. STRANGE RIGHT? I KNOW. NO SEX INVOLVED. THIS IS A STICKY SITUATION AND ONE THAT SHOULD NOT INVOLVE YOU. IM NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE WITH HIM. HE NEEDS SPACE AND HE MADE THIS PART OF THE MESS AND PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO SUBJECT YOU TO THE FUCKING DRAMA.MY ADVISE IS TO LEAVE AND MOVE OUT. HE NEEDS TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS AND YOU LET HIM. IF HE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM THINGS WILL WORK THEMSELVES OUT. IF NOT, THEN YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. EVER HEARD "ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR"? I GUESS IT IS.YOU WALK OUT AND SAY GIVE IT A YEAR, CAUSE DIVORCE IS MESSY.AND IN THIS CASE IT DEFINITELY IS. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE LET THEM GO. IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU THEN....THEY ARE YOURS..{SMILE I KNOW YOU ARE SAD} . BE STRONG GIRL,LOL HOPE THIS HELPS.LOL MEXXXI
310986
First of all, I congratulate you for sticking around so long and trying to make it work. But it sounds like he wants you for all the fun and none of the responsibility. If he wants you home, but refuses to give you money, serious issue in my books. Its saying to me...share my house, but I don't trust you with my money. But, oh yeah, you gotta be home for me whenever. Yuck, sounds controlling to me. For me, the deal breaker would be no more kids. I have 3 right now, and if my hubby said no after the first, I woulda moved on. I love the guy, but its been in my heart since I was a child to have lots of kids. If your relationship were giving, a marriage, and sounded like there was a partnership it would be one thing. But he sounds controlling and like he's dangling the maybe of marriage just to keep you around. So tell him how you feel. Tell him you need more (more kids, a marriage, a guy that devotes as much time to his family as his job). If he's not seriously making improvements in the next few months, I'd start finding a family member to help you until you can get a job and a place. You are still plenty young, and don'y stay with him cause you are unsure of what-ifs. God bless!!
114669
As much as you seem to love this man I think you deserve a hell of alot better!  This man does not respect you as a wife or as a person.  He takes your feelings and stomps all over them.  He is being totally immature and sounds like a totally controlling man.  YOU deserve a man who is going to love you,respect your feelings, and wont run out like a spoiled child when u have a disagreement!  Temper Tantrums r for 3 year olds not grown men.  And the fact that he didnt even want to save the marriage and go to counseling says volumes about the kind of man he really is.  LET HIM GO!  Find a real man!  Life is way too short to be spending it in a loveless marriage.  I met my hubby in 10th grade in highschool and we have now been married 22 years!  My husband would never dream of treating me like this!  Cuz he knows Id kick his butt!  smile!  Get rid of him, let him run, let him take the cowards way out.  YOU told him u would file for divorce if he left again- and he left.  THAT alone says he doesnt care about the marriage.  I feel so badly for you, I know this has to be hurting you terribly and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for u but unfortunately I cant.  But I do believe in you.  You r a strong woman.  YOU can do this and you will find a man who will truly love you I PROMISE!  Lose this guy and get yourself a real man!  Good luck to u
512571
omg!!!! you have been sitting at home for the last 30 years, how did you do it, I take my hat of to you,how have you manged to stay sane........so now is the time for you to change, and get out there and do things, find a club, a women's club, look up a old friend, go to the movies, get your confidence back, get your life going again, i am sure you can do it, bet you have been the best wife ever, so know its your time. I think that your husband has been a bit mean, so you need to show him, that you are not going to put up with this any longer, and if he do sent start spending time with you, then you are going to make your own life, life is to short, and its a beautiful world out there, we just need to get out and find it.  There is nothing worse than feeling alone, even when you are married, its sad..........so sweetie get out there and do things, start of by going to the movies.........good luck and god bless.
333033
Well. there could be such much involved here. Like how has your marriage been going? I mean somewhere down the line something had to have happen.. It just doesn't stop. If you had a little more details I could help a little more. So I will do my best. First off, do you often spend time alone? That is important in a marriage where you two have time to go out on dates. Sometimes it takes you two to get out of your settings and do something different together. On the other hand how do you honestly feel about it. Are you making any efforts to be spontaneous with him? Is he just slowing drifting away. If that is the case maybe he could be hiding something that you don't know about. One thing for sure to do is pray to God to give you the answers you seek. There are just so many varibles that can play into all this...\n\nSorry that I could not be of more help..\n\nAmen and God bless...
303784
Tell him how u feel once and for the very LAST time. YES I SAID "LAST" cause u cant keep going back and forth like a tennis ball. Even a tennis match has an outcome.I think u both should make a pact to stop sleeping with other people. If this is going to be a serious committment then u will also need to know what he wants, so ask. And ask yourselves is this what i really want? Make sure u both know what exactly went wrong to have gotten to the beginning of the divorce phase & ask yourselves, "have i dealt with it? overcome it? and am i ready to try this again, and now?" Being all alone isn't fun. it's not enough and you know this. Love may not be the issue, committment sounds to be it. Only you two know. You both need to not only want this but be willing to try and give your ALL. Situation sounds iffy. If u both get on the same page i say GO FOR IT! But dont rush someone who just isnt there. move on in that case. :) keep faith but dont be a fool ok