My mother-in-law had poor eyesight from diabetes and was starting to show signs of dementia. She changed her will only a few months before her death to favor the son that she lived with. Even though she moved in with him originally to care for his daughters when he and his wife divorced, she mentioned shortly before she died how fortunate she felt she was that he allowed her to live with him. It was like she forgot that she was doing him a favor to begin with. She gave up her golden years to be his housekeeper and nanny, but now she felt gratitude to be allowed to live with him. Her mother had Alzheimer's and it sounds like she had the beginnings of it, but how do you prove something like that, unless it was documented by a doctor (which we don't know).
204462
It's pretty difficult, I'd imagine. A relative of mine had Alzheimer's. She gave her daughter power of attorney but she had a will leaving her home to her grandchildren. The daughter used her power of attorney to transfer the house into her own name so when her mother died, she didn't own the house and therefore her kids couldn't inherit it.\nAnd yes, she disinherited her own children. \nHer kids didn't fight it. A long time ago, I was in her will, but I was cut out when she had her grandchildren.  I have no resentment over that, but if I had still been in her will I would have fought it. And probably lost.\nIt's frustrating not to get something you think is coming to you.  Probably call an estate lawyer. \nBut with no diagnosis of Alzheimer's, I'm not sure you'd get anywhere. But worth a try.
535014
First of all...God Bless your mother!  I commend her for what she is doing for your Grandmother!  We went through this same thing with my Grandma a few years back.  What we found what the best answer for us...and the least costly was...we hired a lady to live with and care for Grandma.  Most of her pay was room and board...paid her a small weekly wage, and she stayed 24/7 and only taking off 1 afternoon a week and every other weekend.  Then, we called an in home health nursing facility to come in daily for medication, bathing, anything the live in was not qualified to do.  The live in was responsible for meals, house cleaning, companionship, making sure her bed was clean.  (My Grandma was bedridden for the last 8 months she was alive)...this live in companion/caregiver enabled her to stay in her own home until she passed.  We found the live-in by running an ad in the newspaper. Please feel free to send me an email and I will go into more detail.  By the way..we are in Indiana.  I would be glad to help you research and answer any questions I can.  This is a very tough situation for everyone involved.....My Prayers and thoughts will be with you!
80100
Sounds like dementia. Maybe the husband needs to declare her incompotent and become her legal guardian and power of attorney if she is becoming too much for him to handle he should consider an assisted living or nursing home good luck
563754
I have an 85 yo mom who is no different.  At this stage, they require "prompting".... just as children do.\n\nI've been taking care of mine for five years, full time and it's a challenge.  I struggle for methods to "reward" and "prompt" cooperation.\n\nPatience is a virtue developed for those caring for parents at this point in life - Best of Luck.
453644
I know this is going to sound screwy to you but we all fall short. We all disappoint. We all are unworthy of the ones who love us most. I am 27 and married for 10 years. Your dad made a commitment to your mother. Not you. How do you know that she doesn't know? Maybe she does but doesn't want to look at it. Why don't you write her a note? Since you now know about this, it will eat you alive until you get it out in the open. A letter is the best way to deal with it. And at the end of the letter write this. Mom, I wanted you to know these things but i'm leaving it up to you to make it spoken. If you want it will never be brought up again. If you want to talk about it i'm behind you. Love her and support her with what she wants.
97785
It happened to me. My husband and my sister no less.  It ruined my marriage, even after 28 years I haven't forgiven him.  He ended up with a terminal illness- Multiple Sclerosis for 15 years. He passed away in 2004. I felt like I had to stay and help him.  His actions affected my relationship with my older son and my sister...not that she was worth a second chance. But, I did try.  My mother, father, and baby sister didn't talk to me for 15 years- yea, like it was my fault. My brother and I remained estranged until he passed away. All I did was stay with the guy.  Big mistake! My younger son is not really part of the family every one shuns him because he looks like my husband. My sister's daughter ended up being an outcast and tried to commit suicide twice. What should you do?  Move on...make a life for yourself, find someone that respects you and loves you for who you are now... don't wait it will only hurt you! I am 53 back in college and making a life for myself for the first time. I have never been happier. I plan on traveling and staying alive! With as much enthusiasum as possible..If you need to have someone beside you I am sure that there will be that certain someone around the corner.  For myself, I just love being myself. One day maybe I'll meet someone but, for now my happiness and peace of mind it what counts to me.
499504
Okay.  Just add to the details next time, okay?\n\nShe fit the requirements.  Actually she fit both requirements.  She was in her seventies, and she had a mental illness.  62 or over, and disabled.  Everybody deserves to live somewhere.  Where would you suggest the mentally ill live?\n\nI'm sorry about your disability, but I don't think it's right of you to act as though you're "more disabled" than someone with a mental illness (it sounds like you just have very little understanding of mental illness).\n\nShe may "know what she's doing" and she may also be a stalker, but that doesn't mean she understands how wrong it is, and what the consequences are, so it's not like she can be arrested and convicted for it.  It's more likely the management couldn't do much about it than that they "covered it up".\n\nI'm getting your frustration, and if you get any more nudie neighbors, call management, but for now, be happy Old Lady Pullsupskirt is no longer your neighbor.
392640
I agree with what several answerers commented: make mommy-in-law pay 1/3 of the mortgage and bills if everything is supposed to be equal. If she were on her own she would be responsible for 100% of her own expenses - therefore this is a great set-up for her. \n\nHe sounds very selfish and/or uneducated. If his mother isn't insisting on covering a portion of the expenses (medications, groceries, rent, utilities, etc.) she is nothing but a leach. He may be a predator and his mommy dearest may be his partner in crime. If I were to try to bring my mother to live with me she would absolutely refuse unless I agreed to let her handle some of the expenses. My dad is the same way - he carries his own weight and would want to make sure he did his part. It's all in how you are brought up, dear. I would never feel comfortable in a situation like yours - his mother is a bigger priority than you are. I'm not sure how old she is but if she is drawing social security, a pension, public assistance, or whatever she could still have a life of her own, unless she is an invalid or has debilatating health problems. She could move in with a widowed friend and have someone her own age to converse with and do things with.\n\nThe only time I ever paid a portion of the house payment was when I made more than my husband did. We sat down, made a budget, and figured out where monies were to be allocated. I was the saver and he was a spender so I kept a separate savings account that I had money automatically deducted out of my check for. If we needed to draw on that money for emergencies or special expenses we did so only after discussing it. It was never a control thing - it was just a smart thing to do in this day and age. We both agreed that it was smart for me to have my own account (we also had a joint account) once he started earning more than I did, just in case something were ever to happen to him. I also built up credit in my own name - it's just an intelligent thing to do in case anything were to happen to him and I was on my own.\n\nAnother point to ponder in your relationship (you may want to bring this up now before you have a mortgage payment) is what happens if you decide to get (or accidently become) pregnant? What if, for some unforeseen reason, you are unable to work? What about child care expenses, etc.? Kids aren't cheap. Is he going to be able to handle all of your joint expenses alone, if need be? When my husband wanted me to quit my job after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we agreed that he would pay for 100% of everything for several months while my checks went into savings, just to make sure we could make it on just 1 paycheck.\n\nThere are always options - you just have to consider them.
57410
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom, but I think your response to honor her memory is awesome. Yes, it's quite normal, even after all the years have gone by. I just lost my Dad last month and I feel that he touched my life like nobody else ever could. I hope to feel that same way forever too. Memories are meant to cherish. Your Mom was lucky to have a devoted daughter like you. I think when we lose a parent it's a gap that no one else can ever fill. And it's important to pass along those memories and traditions to our children.
507262
no, It is common practice in most places usually you try some thing sweet first. If they are cofused (dementia) they cannot legally make the decision for themselves.
247745
my mother has alzheimers disease and she just moved in with me. her days and night are differt from how it was before she got it. some days she is fine but other days she see thing that are not there at night check the doors 4or5 time to see if thier locked.we have to remind her to take her pills. to eat her food. where she is living at.if you need any more infor tell me what you need.
630250
I like this...it's what makes the marriage work. LOL\nThey both have a problem with short term memory loss. So they both forgot what it was they wanted. I got the impression that the wife would have been unhappy with whatever he brought home. Like if he brought home potatoes and sour cream; she would have said, "You forgot the chives." Just because she didn't remember what she had asked for originally. But then again, neither did he. \nGood use of a dangling modifier!!
426136
That would make your mom 77 by now and the man probably older if he was an adult then. Anyone who would remember him would be around the same age and there are not too many 77-year-old people on this site if there are any. I think you should have tried to look him up years ago when both you and he were younger when it would have done more good. At the age of 62 you should already know your medical history and he would now be too old to be of any other use to you. Let sleeping dogs lie.↔
571412
First off, I'd like to extend my premature condolences and am sorry that you're even going thru this. \n\n       Talk to your father and see if you and him can put your head together and consider legal action. I'm not saying sue. There's no one to sue, not until you get a case. There should be an investigation with this place. Take it from there, but also.....\n\n        On the other hand, my father's in the medical field and 1 day before my grandmother passed on last November she was doing fine for a couple of days after having complications. She was talking like her usual self until she slipped into a coma of sorts... My father termed that "the calm before the storm" and that he had seen that all the time at his hospital. He has been dealing with patients for almost 30 years now, so I definitely take incentive in that. This is likely what it was....she was doing ok for a time following her malady, but whatever was the underlying cause of her condition went in and took over even when she appeared to be up and around. It's a sad and confusing part of death. Apparently, it's also common.
82482
It is a natural as birth, I my father died two years ago. He had a maintainable decease Ulcerative colitis. But at 72 he was tired of living. He felt he had done what he was put here to do and there was no talking him out of it. They put him on painkillers and sent him home. He died six months later. It's tempting to say "lost", but this isn't the case in reality. Those who pass over are ever present in our lives. At times you will even hear them speak when you are having troubles. Right now your mother in law is in a safe place and at peace. There is no time, no pain, there is no fear or suffering. Better by far than the place where we live today. If you look ahead I know it sounds far fetched, but you will see her again soon. Time isn't what you think it is.. So waste non of it. 20 years from now this will make even more sense.
611438
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Any time one has a major surgery there is a chance of not making it through the surgery My mom,in 2003 went to her doctor(regular visit) and he sent her to the hospital they ran the usual tests and told her they would not release her,that she had no choice but to have a quadruple by-pass.So she did,she came through the surgery fine. It took a few months for her to regain her strength,she never seemed to recover from a deep depression.18 months later she died peacefully in her sleep.What concerns me,the quadruple was a fairly new venture in heart surgery at the time.Within 6 months of her surgery,her boyfriend was told he needed the same surgery.and one month later mom's younger brother was told he needed a quadruple by pass.at the same time  a friend of mine had the surgery then the doctor tells his wife she needed the same surgery a month or so later another friend of mine had to have the same surgery!These people live in different states But...they were all on social security and medicaid or medicare.There may not be any connection or anything.But it just strikes me as odd that all these people I know had to have the same surgery.I have even wondered"were these doctors using these people as guinea pigs for practice? My Mom was 70 when she died.There's no doubt that many people need this type surgery.Maybe I am just being paranoid!I guess I am still very upset at the fact the doctor said the surgery would add 10 to 15 years to her life.Her death was totally unexpected.She was not complaining of pain or feeling sick or anything. I pray your Grandpa will have a good out come on his surgery!
521021
My oldest cousin agreed with me that my mother's pride is very strong. When my mother would grab my father, he would be able to tolerate it because he knows her characteristics very well. The result of terrible situations occur when he hurts her feelings. At times, I do feel sorry for my mother. I feel sorry for her because she is constantly concerned about my grandmother's health. The reason why I believe my mother supports her so much is not because of her old age but also her strong existence.