My mom has been an alcholic since i was 7, and now i am 14 almost 15. She is mentally ill from the alcohal. I told her I wouldn't ever talk to her until she got into an AAA program. Me, thinking that was nearly impossible thought I would never have to talk to her again. Now, she is in one, and I still dont want to talk to her. Is this wrong? What should I do about it?
209274
u should be proud of her to actaully admitting her illness and getting help!! there is nothing better then that.. u should stand by her side ans support her.. she is ur mom..and the one and only mom..maybes she wasnt the best in the past to u..but she is willing to change.JUST FOR YOU!!! u should support her..cuz now she is feeling more depressed just becuase u dont wanna talk to herr..and she is going through a very tough time now..
497745
I answered your previous question about this issue and really wanted to send you an e-mail this time but you dont have that option available.  All I can say is she sounds just like me when I was her age and I know exactly what she is going through.  If you ever set up an e-mail contact get back to me and I will try and explain her to you so you can have a better understanding of what is going on.  Most of what people are writing to you is not right.  I dont think anybody can understand it unless they have been through it themselves.  Good luck.
603854
Any addiction is a choice, just as getting treatment is also a choice.  You need a support group to help you deal with your daughter's addiction.  AA and Al-anon can get you started.  It's your daughter's choice to get clean, and stay that way. It's your choice to look for the help you need not to get "played" by your daughter or  enabling  her to continue using excuses, although it sounds like you have begun to see the light after 15 years.  I have experienced the same problem with my son. It's heart breaking, but sometimes you just have to let go and let God deal with them.  Learning to over come the guilt feelings is the hardest, but with help you can do it.  Guilt, either real or self-imposed is a crippler, it keeps you from moving ahead and growing, and does nothing to heal or help, or make the right decisions.  You can find AA listed in the phone book or most churches host AA or Al-anon, they can guide you in the direction you need to go for your self and your daughter.
24830
Do you have custody of your grandkids? Is your daughter living with you?  How does she get her $$$$$ for booze?  Could it be you are enabling her?  Sorry, but "tough love" may be your only alternative for your daughter....either that or a family and/or friend intervention.  She needs rehab and detox.
539369
I am not a cna, but I did work two to three jobs which kept me away from home.  I just wish that I would have listened to my son and daughter when they asked me to stay home with them instead of leaving all the time.\nMy daughter is 38, and my son is 37.  I could kick myself a thousand times, because now my son is stationed on the East coast and I do not see him often as I would like to.\nI see my daughter because she lives in the same town where we live, but I do not get to see my son that often.  \nI just hopes that your husband wakes up, before it is too late because in his later years he will regret it.  \nHe can take it from a man that took his job too serious, plus drinking during that time did not help at all.  \nI know from a man's experience by you talking to your husband, because my wife used to talk to me about it, and I did not listen either.  \nMy son reminds me of this when he has a couple of drinks under his belt, but I cannot bring back the mistakes that I made.  \nI hope and pray that he does not fall into the same category that I am under.  I think about it everyday, and I know that you cannot turn back the clock.  \nThis is a honest answer from me.  I am not asking for sympathy, I just hope when your son talks to him, he will stop and listen to what he is saying to him.\nGood Luck to all of you.
267247
It's tough being a teenager.  I fought with my parents all the time at 13.  Every gray hair my mom owns, I gave her when I turned 13.  It's okay to have opinions and be passionate about them, but I think teenagers see things from a much more idealistic view, which is reasonable, because they haven't had to go out into the real world yet (where you have to have a job and money and all that boring stuff).  Your mom has seen life from a more realistic and sometimes pessimistic view.  She wants to be as passionate and idealistic in her opinions as you are but can't because the adult world changes that.  It's about living day to day.  But sit her down, calmly.  It's hard, but no matter what, be calm.  Even if she yells, be calm.  It'll force her to calm down too.  And tell her you love her and that you want to spend more time with her but that you want her to understand you and to help you understand her.  Communication is key at this stage.  I wish I communicated with my parents more.  But if you bottle up, it'll come back to haunt you, trust me.  So try to calmly sit her down and talk to her.  She loves you very much and wants the best for you.  It's just hard letting her little girl grow up.  Reach a compromise.  Good luck!
508947
Deja Vu!?!?!?\nMy dh suffers from depression, (yet refuses to take  meds the doctor prescribed), and alcoholism runs (more like gallops) in his family, but still he denies HE has a problem.   \n\nHe decided after many good ears, that he just wanted out!  No reason,.....  he refused to attend counselling, and "marriage counselling" takes both partners attending.\n\nKids and I  let him know he was loved, valuable and that we all wanted him to stay.  He just refused to take meds, got into hiding his drinking, and had an affair and moved out.\n\nI learned the hard way, but any 12-step program (AA, etc) will tell you  that the first step is for the person  to admit  that he/she has a problem.  Until they admit  that, and decide that they WANT to change,.....  there is no-one that can MAKE them change.\n\nYour wife seems to be just as confused.  She's got to decide what  she wants first.  Then, and only then, can you guys try to fix it up.\n\nFor the sake of your kids and the marriage, I hope she gets medical supervision for the depression and gets off the booze.  Booze and depression are a BAD combination.
28616
I believe the way a person acts has nothing to do with family background. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad is a druggy.  I have nothing to do with those things. Most of it makes me sick. My grandparents are also both alcoholics. It is a little sad, but I have to try and stay away from all of them because it is so grose to me.  I believe that if a person really doesn't want to do something, they won't. People can make an impression on you, but it's how you take it that shows what kind of person you are!
344943
man o man i agree with you. I mean im almost 15 and i agree that your mom shouldn't get in trouble. I have an abusive brother and they told my mom and dad that they were only aloud to restrain him, but it sounds like its only your mom doing it and its even hard for just my dad to restrain my bro so i couldnt really see how your mom could do that to your sis. and people who dress gothic and crap just look like fricken retards. they need to get over themselves and get a fricken life! they wonder why nobody likes them and its b./c of all that nasty crap they put on themselves. i know its a way to express yourself but come on find a different way to do it!!!!! also there has been many time that my bro has tried to kill my mom and i think yall should try getting her tested for ADHD and also maybe get her a councilor
23214
I have a feeling that you just want to go there because you want to out do your sisters. I may be wrong but, you just got to follow your heart. If you really, really want to go there than talk to your mom, don't wine. And make sure your sisters stay out of it, I know they can be a big pain in the a**.
256015
Hi Summer,\n I know that this is a very tough situation your in. On the one hand you love your Mom and don't want to do anything that may get her in trouble, and on the other hand you don't want to keep getting beatings when she gets drunk. You have to do something though. You cannot continue living like this. Let me first suggest that you sit down with her (when she is NOT drunk) and try to reason with her. Tell her you know she loves you and you love her, but it's not fair that she takes her anger out on you. Ask her to help you help her. See if there is anything she wants you to do that can make things easier for her. Maybe she should talk to someone, maybe a friend, priest or counselor. It is obvious that she has a drinking problem. Maybe Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) might help, but that is something she has to decide for herself, you cannot force her to go. I believe if you sit down and just talk to her when she is sober it will be a start. I wish you the best. If things do NOT get better then I suggest that you talk to a close family friend, if that does'nt help then you have a really tough decision to make. Yes you could run away, but I think that may make things worse. You could ask to go live with relatives until Mom gets her act together or you may eventually have to go to the authorities, that would be in my opinion the last resort. But if thats what's needed, then so be it. Once again good luck, stay strong and always believe that at some point things WILL get better one way or another. You WILL have happier days with your Mom, it just might take a little bit of time.
333010
my mom's side is allergic to anything alcoholic and my dad's side goes overboard to the point of killing themselves. it is not a chance that i feel comfortable taking. i don't have any friends that have a "problem". however, in high school they used drugs. they don't now. hubby used for a bit. before we met he said that he had a "drinking problem" and stopped. very seldom he has a drink.\n\ni know of a girl that has a severe drug problem, i don't think that she will admit it to herself. she would rather buy drugs than food for the kids, lives with her mom-at age 31, doesn't know how to drive and mooches off of everyone that she can. people are getting wise, thank goodness. she's on he 4th kid, now and her 3 year old knows how to use the word "bong" correctly in a sentence. scary, huh?
134198
It sounds like there is a lot of sibling rivalry going on.  Your mom may have too much for her to handle- not your fault, and probably not completely hers. The drug addict alcoholic brother NEEDS more attention, so she gives it to him- that dont measn she loves you less (although it has happened before like that- I cant say from your question alone) SHE probably looks at you like the responsible one, and that you need less attention.\n\nIf you talk to her and express your concerns, maybe you will realize that she loves you very much and is very proud of you.  Maybe she feels like you were the one who grew up right out of them all. Maybe she dont knopw that you feel the way you do- and if she did, maybe she would change.  It sounds like you are hurt by all this, and you have a right to be- but do your best to reach your mom by communicating. Try your best to develop the relationship you want with your mom, eventually she will come around- and if she dont- no one can say you didnt try.
327140
Yes, your husband is an alchololic. Whatever you decide on doing remember that your house needs to be a safe place. One thing I would highly recommend that you do is to go to a local Al-Anon meeting. These meetings are for people who are affected by a loved one who is an alcoholic. Your first step is in taking care of yourself. By posting here I believe you are ready to do this.\n\nI've noticed that subsequent posts to mine are giving you terrible advice. Yes, you must take care of yoruself and you need to be in a safe environment. In addition to this you need to talk to people who are experiencing the same thing you are. Your husband won't stop or be cured over night. This will be a long journey and expect a year or two if there is a chance. Tough love might be what he needs.\n\nRemember to take care of yourself by eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising, and by taking care of yourself spiritually and emotionally. You must take care of you. You are worth it! When both of you can be healthy individuals then you can work on your marriage. Until then, he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. Don't give into his pleadings until he begins and continues to attend AA meetings.
562953
your mom is going through empty nest syndrom...\n\nWith no kids to take care of she is lonley and is in need of some companionship...\nDrink is a way for her to cope with  this...\n\nHow ever she might be getting into the drinking to much...\n\nTry an interventions of sorts .. Get your other sibblings together and a range a family get together...\nYou might find this could help..\n\nAlso try calling your mom for no reason at all and ask her a silly question about cooking cleaning anything... \nI think your mom need to feel that she is needed and by asking her silly questions she will feel she is wanted ....
579917
WOW!!!  Well, the sad thing about the son is that at 24, he's already been affected by her craziness.  Children begin getting affected by these neuroic behaviors at around age 2!!!  The fact that he still lives at home suggests she's been very controlling and he just doesn't have the confidence to move out and be on his own.  First and foremost, get him to move out ASAP.  He needs to see what life is like with normal, healthy people.\n\nCan you have her commited?  You should but you can't.  Unless she's harming people physically.\n\nThis is very frustrating though , I sympathize with you.   I would not answer  your phone anytime the caller ID doesn't come out,  If they want to talk to you, they'll leave a message.  Just do this for a while and she will get tired of getting your VM, she'll get sick of calling.  She is obviously beyond desparate for attention.  \n\nWow, I'm curioius as to what your parents are like and how you ended up with such a loony toone for a sister!!!!! You seem very grounded~
405787
There is probably not much you can do for your Mom, it must be a hard reality to face. You can get help and support for yourself though.\n\nI would say you can either choose not to be a part of her life, or you can choose to have some contact. If you choose to have contact, I would be wary of getting involved with any of her drama's. Maybe it's better to wait till your'e older?\nDrug addiction is very powerful and you don't want to get dragged down with her, however if you can be in contact without getting upset and dragged down, then that's cool too.\nGood luck.