I have been married for 4yrs and for the past four years my husband hasn't been able to keep a job.Mind you we have four kids,the oldest is mine I was a single mother when we met and we had two pregnancys back to back the last one was a set of twins.When we met we dated for a while before he was even introduced to my daughter and then we decide to get married. He was going into the Army,I was promised alot of...B.S.and then he got hurt in basic training.His back(he's perfectly fine now ).After that he hasn't been able to move on,he can't keep a job,and understand he really wanted to be part of the Army fight for his country and all of that but come on its time to move past that we have our hands full.So I suggested that he should go to school and get a degree and once hes done I can go back to school and get mine.I'm over whelmed thow,we are living paycheck to paycheck.So going back to the question should I keep supporting him?Or should he step up?....
217861
Since you suggested he go back to school, you should stick by him.  However, only if he is getting decent grades and taking school serious.  He should probably step up and get a part time job for a little extra cash flow.  Working 20-25 hrs a week won't take much time away from his studies and a lot of people work and go to school.  I worked night audit at a hotel (3-4 nites a week) for several years while going to school and was able to study several hours a night while at work.  Good luck!
70832
Your right but make sure you make it clear she finishes school and they do get married.Its not he will get her knocked up after living in its like 24/7 being together and it doesnt work out.put condition that she finishes school gets married then has a child since i know of a similar thing happening to a friend of mine and after living in she got knocked up and it didnt work out LOOK OUT FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS FUTURE PUT CONDITION THAT SHE FINISHES SCHOOL GETS A JOB GETS MARRIED THEN HAS CHILDREN.your a very good mothers.best of luck.
288808
You sound like a great wife, he should be glad to have someone who supports him so much.  I'm kind of in the same situation.  I kept my day job and work full time while I attend night classes to earn my degree and then I can move on.  It's really really hard having a full time job and being a full time student...but I'm glad to see that you and your husband know that the work and the payoff is better than him being in a miserable job.  I really doubt your husband is too old to start learning new things.  However, as far as marriage, keep in mind that if he takes night classes or even if he quits his job and gets a new one while he goes to school...he won't be around as much and he'll have more responsibilities.  Me and my wife sometimes don't see each other for awhile and argue sometimes, but it's not that bad.  Good luck!
431567
What he can do is find the military pay chart online.  His pay will all depend upon his rank and time in service, has nothing to do with the job he does.  Now the job he gets might have an enlistment bonus attached to it, which would help a lot being newlywed.  He also has to understand that he will get paid more for being married, he will also get allowances for food and housing, all along with his normal pay.  Also every year there is a cost of living adjustment, meaning there is a slight pay raise, and with every year he spends in he gets paid more.  So even if the promotion stats are low for the job, he will still see an increase in pay.  If he is going in as an E-1 (lowest pay level) even right now he would be making $1100 a month before taxes and before the additions for marraige, housing, and food.  They will have it tough for a while, no doubt about that, but they will make it.
667642
He is getting to live his life, not only without parents but he has a whole new freedom he has never had before. I bet is he just has to get some things out of his system. I would let him go. Put things on hold to let you two live life apart for a while. From the sound of how strong you guys are everything will be fine. The saying, "Love is like a butterfly, let it go and if it is meant to be it will come back" is truer then ever in this senario. He is learning and seeing alot of new things and probably wondering if there is something else he should be doing with his life. He will experement with different things, realize nothing is better then what he has at home and come back. It is nothing agianst you, it's just someting people have to do sometimes. If he doesn't do it now, he may do it later and it could ruin your relatioship forever. My husband decieded to do it a couple of months AFTER we married, and if it weren't for me realizing what he was going through, I'd have left him. I almost did regardless. But I decieded to see if he had really come to the truth that it was me he wanted, he had and 5 yrs later, we're doing great. But it caused a lot of unnessary strain and stress on the realationship. If you really love him and want it to work, let him do what he needs and don't hold anything agianst him later. He'll come back. Good luck
575611
Well I went through the same things so I can tell you EXACTLY what she have to expect to happen. He is already in the army and at his duty station, which mean that she is NOT in his orders. They can get married but they are NOT going to move her or the kids (if any) because they weren't married BEFORE he got the orders. So as far as the military is concerned, the marriage mean NOTHING. After he comes back home for good or get orders to be stationed somewhere else then its a process (About 2-3weeks) (maybe shorter or longer) to get in the DoD system) he have to go through to get his wife and the kids (if any) in the system so that they can be included in his orders next time. My husband is in the Marines and he got orders to Japan. We got married after he received his orders so i had to wait until his two year were up (which will be next month) before me and our child were included in his orders. So from next month on out me and our daughter will be able to travel with him where-ever he goes....if I can answer any more questions just let me know, cause I KNOW 1st hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as housing goes once he is stationed at another base or whateva they an get on base housing (if available) if not he can get BHA (Basic Housing Allowance)...which will pay for them to live in civilian housing off-base. So they can get married and YES it can work out even though there is a HIGH divorce rate for the military..it all depends on them if they willing to make it work...(Its hard at times though but they just have to be strong)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
316810
Ummm...you need to come down off your high horse and realize that having a higher education does not put him beneath you, but that you are beneath him for even thinking this way.  I say leave him.  He deserves better then you.  My education is higher then my husbands but who cares.  He works hard and loves me so thats all that matters.
49183
Been there, done that. I was 17 when I got married, I am now 34 and yes, we are still married. I had my son when I was 19, my daughter when I was 20 and my other daughter when I was 22. My hubby had a career when we got together but since he was still young(he was 20) he still had more he wanted to do with his life. More dreams he wanted to accomplish. I loved him and wanted him to be succesful and do his thing so that his dreams could come true and I figured it was all ok because I would take care of the kids and the house. I figured I could go back to school later. We struggled, financially and  emotionally. We loved each other(and still do) and thought that was all we needed to get us through.I got a job to help with the bills and tried to take a class at the local community college. It was hard working full time all day, going to class twice aweek at night doing homework, keeping up with the house work and trying to find time to spend with hubby and the kids. The kids spent alot of time with a sitter(she was good but a sitter is not mom) It was exhausting. I finished my class and decided to wait until he was finished with all his schooling and until I had more time and money.\nIt's funny how when you don't live your dreams at the right time, and think that you can do it later, later never comes.\nLife got in the way so I never went back to school. My kids are teenagers now and we aren't rich, sometimes we still struggle financially. I still want to go back to school but I know that in 3 years my son will be graduating from high school so I am saving MY education money so he can go to college and so his sister can the year after that.Then 2 years after her, my youngest will need the funds to go to college. They will all go to college because I don't want them to be where I am right now. Not regretting that I got married, especially  to the guy I am with, but , wishing I had waited until I had done the things that needed to be done to make me feel accomplished.  I could have had more to offer  my children, ( more time with them, the ease of knowing that the electric will always be on instead of them having to worry about things like that). I'm not gonna tell you not to get married, that's a decision you will have to make on yur own. I will tell you though, to think it over, in a mature fashion, without your feelings for your guy getting in the way. Think about the things you need to do for you, what you want out of life. Think about your future children and how you want to live. Then make your decision. \nDon't be 34 and wishing you had done things differently. \nThere's only one road in life and it is a one way road going forward. You can't go back to change things, so, make your choices count.
257516
Hey you better get a job and pick up your game. A woman needs attention and be reminded that she is worth buying things for. And how can she feel like ahe has a man when he dont have a job, a woman always think about her future. I left my x bf because is was slow and didn't have a job and a better guy came along after a while we fell in love. He always gave me lil tings even though the were not expensive it showed how much he thought about me and that made a difference . Now we are married for 1 !/2 years with kids and a lovely home. Think about it and good luck.
317920
Maybe you should continue to stay separated but start "dating" again and work on your issues. Having children in the relationship I feel it could be detrimental to them to have him continually coming and going into the home. I would continue being involved in your church, praying for him and your marriage and continue marriage counselling. If after a few months and giving it 100% there are still no changes in him/willingness from him to work on his issues then I would sit down and seriously contemplate if this situation is right for you and your children. But hopefully with prayer and God in your life you will see some changes. I definitely think baby steps is the way to approach this situation. God be with you.
343894
My husband was in a firefighter academy when we married. I had just finished my degree and was looking for work teaching preschool. We were planning to wait until he graduated and found work and that way we would have saved up some money. Our schedules were so crazy though, that we really missed time together. Ultimately, we decided that having a big fancy wedding and a nice expensive honeymoon was not what it was all about. We just wanted to be married. We had a beautiful small wedding with just close friends and family. Today is our 9 year anniversary and we are so happy. (Except that I am waiting for him to get out of traffic and get home!) Sometimes you have to weigh what is most important to you. We did not live together before we married either, and the best moment of every day was coming home to be together. Good luck to you!
71807
I fully understand your crisis. My EX-HUSBAND of 10 years went into the military and we basically kepted in contact by phone. He would also come home once in a blue moon and finally after completing 5 years in the Air Force, he one day surprised me by appearing at the door step. Our daughter was 5 years old at the time and I had already built a complete seperate lifestyle without him. I was working full-time and a student along with caring for our daughter, home, bills, etc. \n\nUpon his arrival, I felt so claustrophobic and found myself everyday becoming more and more frustrated. Even my boss pulled me aside and told me about the change in behavior. AND I dropped out of college, just couldn't function. Finally, after (1) year living together...I hate to say it..BUT, I left him and went back to what I knew...went to what truly made me happy. Today, he's re-married and very happy with the women who worships the ground he walks on. I don't regret what I did one bit. \n\nI'm not telling you that the easy way out of a situation is to just walk away. BUT, from the sound of things, not only are you not thinking of having a family, but second guessing on living with your husband. Apparently, you are not ready to give up your privacy nor space. A marriage counselor would be suggested in this situation...but at the same time, YOU have to also sit back and soul-search, because only YOU know what your heart desires.\n\nI would suggest that you speak with him and in a hurry, before allowing yourself to be unhappy in this marriage.   Do yourself a favor and break it to him gently. Because as a married women age (35), within a year, you will end up looking (50) from stress, frustration, and unhappiness.
156744
Being a Drill Sgt, is no picnic.  They work long long hours and get no days off.  They live with these men and women.  I know it has to be hard on you being a spouse.  I've been in the military and was married to a military man and it's not easy.  There is a high divorce rate in the military and with Drill Sgt.  You sound like you are very grounded and very supportive of your husband and should be commended.  One day he will be out of the service and you will have him all to yourself but in the mean time, support him and love him.  It sounds like you have a good man and remember he is doing a great service to his country.  So many people marry military people and don't understand that it's not a 9 to 5 job, and you have alerts, and you move out, and you have duty to pull and you don't get weekends off and you get deployed..As hard as this is for some people to understand but you serve your country.  I've always believed that before someone gets married to someone in the military they really need to have some kind of counseling and some understanding of what a service member has to do and respect that and support them.  I think things will be okay for you and your husband, you sound grounded and you are aware that what he is doing is not easy for him either.  Good Luck...
624138
I am married and pregnant with another man's baby.  I was separated from my husband for 5 months before I got pregnant with my boyfriends baby.  My ex (soon to be ex-husband) still wants me sometimes too.  He said that if he got the chance to have his family back, he would in a heartbeat, even if he had to help raise another man's baby.  BUT......I don't feel right about that.  I should have never married my hubby because I didn't love him enough, and we were pressured because we already had one little girl together a year before we got married, so we went a head and did it.  Now, I have two little girls, already, and one more little girl on the way.  Yeah, i messed up, maybe if i would've given it a little more time after the separation, me and the ex could've worked things out, but I wanted to move on with my life with this other man.  But, anyways, the point is,,,,,,,, i am currently in this situation, and I choose to not go back to my ex husband because I have ruined everything that we could have had together.  I am still in love with my new baby's daddy, but he couldn't handle the situation, either, so we broke up.  So, make the decision that's right for you.  You are the only one that knows your whole situation. Good luck!     Praying a lot helps too!
368395
Okay first of all you don't really get any extra money while he is in boot camp.  You don't get housing allowance.  Why don't you plan your wedding during his leave after boot camp?  Then you will have more time to plan the wedding you want.  As far as your age, marrige is hard....its hard at any age.  I married at 20 after being together almost 6 years and my husband enlisted when I was 21.  Being a military wife adds much more stress to a marrige than most cilivian marriages.  Being a military, you will learn to become very independent and you will figure out all military system as you go.  Ask questions and be a good listener and you will do well as a military spouse.  Oh, and we have been happily married for 5 years now and going through our 2nd depolyment!    Good luck!
429245
Your lifelong dream doesn't include your husband and baby? Sorry, but you now have to put your little dreams second to raising your child for the next 18 years. If a military career was so important, you wouldn't have diverted off your path to get married, get pregnant and have a baby. It's not about what's "best" it's about what's RIGHT.
445291
I am not married but have been in the military.  Figure out where he will be stationed and look for schools in the area that has your major.  You may also consider if he is how often he is likely to transfer again.  Don;t for forget about financial aid.  Once your married and dpending on his rank you may only be eligible for loans.  Well, good luck on your endeavor. Congrads