Please don't b affended by the following joke:\n\nthere was this fat black lady who had huge lips and she was in her bathroom looking for her deoderant. she couldn't find it. So a few munits later her husband walks in and she tells him all about her ordeal. So he helps her look a few seconds later he says "Hey Honey! I found some chap stick!" She turns around and it was actually her deoderant!!!!!!!!!!!
216059
I am truly sorry to have to tell you this: but this is just not funny.  Even apart from the obvious racist overtones, which can't just be pled away politely, it just isn't funny. Maybe you left a part out, or something? Try again with another joke later.
162996
I can't believe people are actually analyzing this. Saying it's old and dumb. That the original question was based on an assumption? It's a joke!!!! It was clearly stated that it was a joke. Lighten up people. Take the free points and be happy with the points and a funny laugh for the day.\n\ntosmith
673270
Rofl...\n\nheres a joke for you...\n\nA young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".\n\nInstantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.\n\nThis time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".\n\nAgain, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off!
507414
Ma'am, aren't you the same lady who asked that hilarious "What would you DO in such a situation?" question before where you spoke of an 80 year old lady  and another hilarious hypothetical question involving pee?\n\nI just saw that I'd got three thumbs down for bursting into laughter there.\n\nMay I just compliment your great sense of humor, ma'am?\n\nI really needed these laughs.\n\nThank you.
492518
Those of you who accused this joke teller of being a twat and racist read all the writing if you're able. He did say it was a joke. Also look at Al V's response....\nI wish you lot woul lighten up...after all let's have a laugh before the buggers blow us up.
364153
Well... I ran to the bathroom after reading these...\n\n *Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke. When it started to rain, one of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking\n\nLady 1: What's that?\nLady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.\nLady 1: Where did you get it?\nLady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.\n\nThe next day Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.\n\nThe guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks her what size.\n\n"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel"\n\nThe pharmacist fainted. \n\n\n\n\n   *A police officer pulls over a guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."\n\nThe man says, "Sorry officer, I can't do dat. I am a asthmatic 'n if I do dat, I'll have a really bad asthma attack!"\n\n"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."\n\n"I can't do dat eeder! I am a hemophiliac. If I do dat, I'll bleed to death!"\n\n"Well, then we need a urine sample."\n\n"I'm sorry officer, I can't do dat eeder. I am also a diabetic. If I do dat, I'll get really low blood sugar."\n\n"All right then, I need you to come out here and walk this white line."\n\n"I can't do dat, officer."\n\n"Why not?"\n\n"Cause I'm drunk as a skunk!" \n\n\n\n\n*A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."\nA little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.\nThe blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.\nThe cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.\nSeveral days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."\n"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."\nOnce again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.\nHe returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.\nHe tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around down your pantys before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.\n"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."\nThe blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?" \n\n*A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boy friend now that Grandpa went to heaven?\n\n"Grandma
493061
It's a ok joke but i think it goes a little deeper than that it shows the type of society we live in these days where we have no respect for our elders perhaps we should learn a lesson from this so called "joke" .\n\nor then again maybe not hahahahahahahhaahhaah
441877
OMG .................. excellent and really well thought out ..... LOL\nThanks for sharing once again and hope you post more jokes
647181
I didnt read your joke, but I know what you mean, there are some freaks on here talking about small children (you know what I mean) & they dont get deleted. Its screwed up!!
471977
This had me crying when I first heard it...\n\nAn old man is riding in a lift with two glamorous women. One woman takes a perfume bottle out of her bag and sprays her neck. She turns to the other woman and says, "Romance by Ralph Lauren...£150 an ounce."\n\nThe other woman takes a perfume bottle out of her bag, sprays herself, and says, "Chanel No.5...£200 an ounce"\nThe lift stops and the doors open. \n\nThe old man steps out and lets off a huge rumbling fart. As the doors close he looks back at them and ays..."Broccoli, 49p a pound."
87631
AM I FUNNY ENOUGH? HOPE SO...\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
236290
Yeah it's an alright joke.... but this one's better I reckon\n\nA husband and wife had a small child, so for when they discussed makin' lurv, they used the codeword "washing machine" instead of sex.\n\nSo one night at about 2 in the morning the husband's feeling all randy, so he gently shakes his wife...\n\n"uhhhh, it's late what do you want?"\n\n"Washing machine" he whispers.\n\n"Washing machine? I'm half asleep, go back to bed!"\n\n"Pleeeaaasssee honey??" pleads the husband.\n\n"Argh! I'm serious Jack, I've got a busy day tomorrow so go back to sleep." and with that she rolls over.\n\nAbout 10 minutes later she's still awake and starts to feel bad, so she rolls over and nudges him...\n\n"Alright, I'm awake. Washing machine?"\n\nThe husband snorts awake and replies, \n\n"Huh? Oh... don't worry. It was a small load, and I did it by hand..."
500114
HAHAHAHAHA....\n\nThis joke literally had my mouth dropped open...I feel so sorry 4 the man!!
411011
Ummm  ok and how did  Ms. Debs take recienving a pair of knickers instead of the intended gloves ??  Leave the Comedy to Sir Benny Hill please or to Sir Monte Python.  LMAO  Like there is a Sir Monte Python.   Oh well At least I am funnier than you.\n\nIn case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods: \nOn a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. \nOn a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.) \nOn a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. \nOn a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.) \nOn Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down. \nOn Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating. \nOn packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. \nOn Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." \nOn Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. \nOn most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) \nOn a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) \nOn Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." \nOn an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." \nOn a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.) \nOn a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."\n\nA couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses. \n\nOn the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." \n\nThe wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. \n\nThe husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost." \n\nThey walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. \n\nA man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?" \n\n"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. \n\n"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." \n"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." \n"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. \n"I want a house in every country of the world," she said. \n"Consider it done," the genie replied. \n"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said. \n"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." \nThe husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." \nThe genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. \nAfter it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" \n"Thirty-five," she replied. \n"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."\n\nTwo men were sitting next to each other at a bar.\nAfter a while, one guy looks at the other and say
305296
JOKE TO UPLIFT YOUR SPIRITS:\n\nThere is this guy in a hospital bed just coming out of anasthetic haze.\n\nThe Doctors asks him: "Do you want to hear the GOOD NEWS or the BAD NEWS first?"\n\nPatient thinks for a while then says: " Let's hear the BAD NEWS."\n\nDoctor: "We had to cut BOTH YOUR LEGS!"\n\nPatient starts sobbing and then after a few minutes asks: "Doctor what is the GOOD NEWS?"\n\nDoctor: " The guy in the next bed has offered to BUY YOUR SHOES for 10 Dollars"
453470
Giggle (small one). I've heard it before but we need more clean jokes like that :)
540487
cool! Nice, clean, funny original joke - well, I hadn't heard it before any way...\n\nThanks for the chuckle and the 2 points