funny jokes to pull on my family!
201761
Well, this morning at 5 am I found a running car in my front yard.  With no one in it.
182073
HAHAHA   great joke!!
423310
I actually got that one! LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL!!!!! Can you e-mail some other jokes to me like that one? my address is dogloverkm@yahoo.com   thanks!
508519
ha ha...bloody funny!!just read them out to my mum!!we are in fits!! 10 out of 10!! x
355342
thats funny, great joke!!!\nit made me laugh!!!
569686
awsomely funny now vote me for the 10 points
360271
Great Joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
187473
There's a web site called'Lots of Jokes" They're not only funny but they cover just about every subject you'd want. Check them out!
260448
yeah OK I have a great 2 jokes for you here but be prepared that they are somewhat well just wrong hehehe ok here we go! enjoy!\n\n#1- A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife,so he went to a psychiatrist,who told him he needed to build self-esteem and gave him a book on assertiveness.\n   After reading the book on the way him,he stormed into the house and declared, "I want you to know I am the man of the house,and my word is law."I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight.THen after dinner,you are going to draw my bath so I can relax ,and when I'm finished with my bath,guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"\n           His wife responded, "THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR."\n\n#2-A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey,could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now"He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light" NOw does it look like I have a G.E.O Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."\n   Well then,could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right". To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have WestingHouse written on my forehead? I don't think so"."Fine," She says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break".\n"I'm not a damn Carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps." "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so.I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!"\n   So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.\nHe starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,and decides to go home and help out.As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.As he enters the house,He sees the hall light is working,the fridge door is fixed.\n"Honey, How'd all this get fixed? She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him.He offered to do all the repaires,and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."\nHe said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "HELLOOOOO..... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"\n\n#3- A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vagina lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze.Out of emabarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.\n  A wakening from the anesthesia after the surgery,she found three roses carefully placed beside her bed.Outraged,she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"\n   The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this by yourself."\n   "The second rose is from my nurse.She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."\n   "And what about the third rose?" she asked.\n"Oh,that rose is from the man upstairs in the burn unit.He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
674854
Haha! Omigosh! My grandpa is really sick and probably dying and I needed some cheering up. This made me laugh through my tears. Thanks.
411545
Oh a new joke for me. And now I have to explain to my husband what I am giggling about without telling my ten year old daughter, who is sitting right next to me!!
87631
AM I FUNNY ENOUGH? HOPE SO...\n\n1\n\nFresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.\n\nInstead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."\n\nWilling to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.\n\n"How long will this take?" she asks.\n\n"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.\n\nThe wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?"\n\n"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"\n\nHe lived. And with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again..\n\n\n2\n\nMan driving down road.\nWoman driving up same road\nThey pass each other\nWoman yells out her window, "PIG!"\nMan yells out his window, "B.I.T.C.H!"\nMan rounds next curve\nCrashes into a huge pig in middle of road.\n\nThought For The Day : If only men would listen. \n\n\n3\n\nThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's \nhouse. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her \ndaughter-in-law standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" she asked.\n\n"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the \ndaughter-in-law \nanswered.\n\n"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.\n\n"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.\n\n"Love dress? But you're naked!"\n\n"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it \nmakes me \nhappy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home \nfrom \nwork any minute."\n\nThe mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the \nway \nhome she thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, \nshowered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally \nher \nhusband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.\n\n"What are you doing?" he asked.\n\n"This is my love dress" she replied.\n\n"Needs ironing." he said.\n\nHEHE>>HAVE FUN 2 YA GUYZ READING
647222
Your Mamma said to tell you not to be asking for those stupid Yo Momma jokes.\n\nShe says it makes you look and sound stupid when you tell them.\n\nMakes you sound like ignorant White trash.\n\n\nHere is a regular joke for you.\n\n\nMarriage & Manners\n\nThis is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.\n\nThe only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.  \nThe noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. \n\nEvery morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. \n\nHe told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural.\n\nShe told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.\n\nThe years went by and he continued to rip them out!\n\nThen one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl \nwhere she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. \n\nShe took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic \nwaistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.\n\nSome time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.  \n\nThe wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! \nAfter years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. \n\nAbout twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.  \n\nShe bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.   \n\nHe said, "Honey, you were right.  All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".   \n\n"What do you mean?" asked his wife.\n\n"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.\nBut by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
342773
LMFAO :)) Where do you get all these great jokes? Absolutely hilarious
673163
That is a perfect joke!! I could tell anyone and they all laughed! And what do you mean by old..? It's new as ever~!!! I'm gonna tell that to allllllll my friends and my dad and I bet you--they will laugh!!!
381430
ha! ha! ha! great joke!
543854
Go to jokepictures.com.