theres a body guard who is quarding the president outside his rum at night he falls asleep an has a dream that the flight that the president catches crashes and blows up so the next morning he says to the president dont take that plane the president says y the bodyguard says it gonna crash and blow up so the president listens to him and doesnt catch the flight and watches the tv an sees that his plane blow up he say thank u to the bodyguard and then says your sacked  \n\nwhy is he sacked
210186
He has been sacked because he was found sleeping and dreaming while on duty. He was negligent towards his duties as he should have been awake as a GUARD. But in reality he would not have been sacked if the President were aware of the power his sixth sense/ability to have dreams which are likely to predict foreseeable future. Any wise man in Power would give him different duty and absorb the talent with reward. 'Right man for right cause...' if the man in power is wise and he normally is, beyond doubt!
334868
a preacher, a math teacher, and a soldier all got on the same airplane.\na few minutes later the preacher got out his bible and started to read it but it fell out the window.\nthe math teacher got out his math book to look at his next lesson. and it also fell out of the window.\nthe soldier had a grenade out just recalling some war memorys. and it also fell out the window.\nwhen the plane landed they all went theyre seperate ways.\nthe preacher was walking down the street and came across a little girl crying. so he said "little girl why are you crying?"\nshe looked up and said "a bible fell out of the sky and hit me on the head."\nthe math teacher was walking down the street too when he came across a little girl crying too. he said to her "now little girl why are u crying?"\nthe little girl looked up and said "a math book fell out of the sky and hit me on the head."\nthe soldier was walking down the street too. he came across a little boy who was laughing his head off"\nso the the soldier asked him "little boy why are you laughing your head off for?" \nthe little boy laughed some more and then pointed behind him and said "cause i farted and that house blew up"
473029
Obviously he couldn`t get a hold of his daddy on the phone so he had to make a decision by his self. He looked around and saw a big line of coke and a bottle of Vodka on dudes desk so he figured this guy has got to be OK.   HA HA just kidding DON`T mean to HATE.   BUSH jokes are just so easy
82350
Yes, you have taken leave of your senses.  Bush is the president of the United States.  He's commander in chief of the most powerful military in the world.  He shouldn't be treated like a normal person because normal people don't have the power to blow up the world several times over.  We can't let him get away with things just to protect is feelings.  If he didn't want the job he wouldn't be president.  It's not really a job you can get without really wanting it.  And the humiliation and ridicule comes with the job.  If he didn't know that going in he also doesn't know how much we hate him.  Besides, he's earned those low approval ratings.  Would you feel bad for a murderer going to jail?  Think about how many deaths Bush is responsible for.  If you ask me, he's getting off easy.
342859
Did something happen while I was asleep that I did not here about.\n\nUnder the mandate of Martial Law, The military is in charge.\n\nPeriod.
156644
George I thought that we had already discussed this! You had said that the head of FEMA was going to be Courtney Love. You thought that was a great idea when we were have cocktails over at Rove's house. Man you have got a mind like a sieve. You were doing a shot out of Condi's bellybutton and we were all listening to Nirvana "Smells like teen spirit". You came up with it! You were so trashed! You kept prank calling the president of France. You asked him if his fridge was running. You are a knuckle head. O J Simpson was who we were thinking about Chief Justice. Your thought was "I like that guy who played football that got a way with murder?" Is it coming back to you?
209977
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.\n\nThe President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."\n\nThe Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."\n\nNot to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."\n\nThe pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy."\n\n\n\nYo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride.\n\nYo' Mama is so stupid, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR!\n\n Yo mama's so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was makin' a booty call.\n\nYo Mama is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear ''Caution! Wide Turns!\n\nYou're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, “What color?”
426900
*Good one...here's one 4 you.....George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.\n\nGeorge's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."\n\nGeorge: "But Honey, I promise that I won't drink a drop of alcohol all night!"\n\nSo after begging his wife for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get $hit-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.\n\nGeorge: "$hit! The old lady is going to throw my @ss out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"\n\nBill, George's best pal, gave drunk @ss George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.\n\nBill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."\n\nSo, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.\n\nGeorges wife: "I knew that your drunk @ss would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"\n\nGeorge: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."\n\nHis wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.\n\nGeorge's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"\n\nGeorge: "Oh, That's from the guy who $hit in my pants."*
420630
LOL\n;-)\n\nAh if it weren't for "Bushisms" I might not have laughed at all during the last 6 years!\n\nThis is one of many verbal gaffs and mental blunders produced by the George the Wunderkind.  There are so many more that betray his true attitudes (and his Momma's)  toward his fellow Americans.  She can't dirty her beautiful mind with thoughts of dead soldiers and he never stops thinking of ways to harm Americans - Freudian slip or not, it is still very telling.
583680
Dan Rather's story was not false, but the papers he used were. His story is true, George W. Bush was AWOL from the air national guard. As a matter of fact he was absent from the guard for about a year. No one in Alabama ever recalls seeing him. We were at war with Vietnam, to be AWOL in a time of war for more than 30 days is considered desertion and treason. He does not qualify to be president if it could ever be pr oven. He had the records destroyed when he was governor of Texas. Furthermore Dan Rather ought to be given a medal for attempting to inform the public. There is a million dollar reward put out there for anyone who seen George Bush while serving in the Alabama National Guard. Don't you think if anyone who served could recall seeing him they would step forward,. The reason he could not fly planes after 1972 is he refused to take a drug test on his physical, that is the year that the military implemented drug testing of servicemen in all branches. The Republican party does not want anyone to be able to prove George W.Bush was not in Alabama, they attacked Dan Rather on the only grounds they could the story was true, they did not deny the story, they stated the papers were fraudulent.
436907
What? you want a suggested story idea?\n\nokay, this guy Bill starts a company with a partner, Joe. Bill has 2 million dollars to hide and thinks he can funnel it to Joe's south carolina bank and no one will figure it out because Bill is not listed as an owner of the s.c. corporation & Bill lives in georgia.\n\nSo Bill rolls along collecting regular paychecks from Joe and a few bonus checks of $50,000 or so every 6 months. This goes on for say 10 years. But Joe is not stupid, Joe figures out it's stolen money and stops giving Bill his usual payoffs. Bill can't complain or call the cops because it IS stolen cash.\n\nBill tries to get it back from Joe but Joe spent it on a big fancy beach house for himself. Bill was so rattled he left the entire paper trail out where his wife could find it. She took the evidence of money laundering to the police. They laughed at her story and said it couldn't be true. She was hurt to be thought of as a liar.\n\nSo she called the FBI and they didn't believe her either. So Bill will never be caught. And Joe will keep the money and the beach house. \nAnd no one will EVER see the truth.\n\nThe End
674724
Three guys, a white guy, black guy and a polock, stranded on an island 50 miles from shore after their boat sunk.  They are there for about a week when the white guy says "I have had enough im going to try and swim" he gets about 20 miles gets tired and drowns.  The black guy then tries to swim back to the main land.  He gets 35 miles, gets tired and drowns.  The polock is sitting there bored... and he finally decides to try and swim to shore... He gets 49 miles! He sees the beach of the shore just in front of him... but he thinks to himself... its just tooo far, there is no way I can make it... so he turns around and swims back to the island.\n\nWhat do you call a school bus full of white kids?  A twinky\n\nWhat do you call a white guy pushing a car up a hill?\nWhite Power\nWhat do you call a black guy pushing a car up a hill?\nBlack Power\nWhat do you call a mexican pushing a car up a hill?\nGrand Theft\n\nThere is a black guy and a mexican in a car..... Whos driving?\nThe COP!\n\nHow do you blindfold a chinaman?\nUse Dental Floss\n\nJohnny comes in from shooting his BB gun and sets the BB's on top of the stove... They fall into the soup his mom is making... At dinner the family eats the soup and goes to bed.  The next afternoon the father gets home and says to his wife.... "Honey, the funniest thing happened to me... I pissed BB's today.."  The wife says to her husband.  "Thats odd I also pissed BB's today".   A little later little Suzzie comes in and she says to her mom "I think there is something wrong with me... I just pee'ed BB's"  Just then Johnny comes running in yelling ... "DAD...DAD"  Johnnys dad says "What is it son... are you also pissing BB's?"  Johnny says ... "NO NO I was jerking off and I killed the cat!"\n\nWhat do you get when you cross a mexican and a polock?  Someone who spray paints chain link fence\n\nThree nuns die and go to heaven.  At the gates St Peter says "To get into heaven you each have to answer a question."  The nuns got very nervouse thinking that the questions will be extreamly hard.  St Peter says to the first nun "Who was the first man on earth?"  The nun says "Thats easy, it was Adam" , St Peters says "Go into heaven".  St Peter says to the other nun.."Who was the first woman on earth?"  The second nun says "Ahhh thats so easy, it was Eve?"  "You may go into heaven" St Peter says.  He then looks at the third nun who is thinking the questions are going to be easy now.  He asks her "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam....?" The nun looked puzzled... and murmered..."Thats a hard one...."  St Peter then said "Thats correct you can go into heaven."\n\nWhat crawls around and bumps into walls?  A baby with forks in its eyes.\n\nWhats the differance between a lawyer and a skunk?  A skunk has skid marks infront of it.\n\nA man breaks into a dark house.  As he is robbing it he hears a voice yell out..."Jesus is watching you"  The man stops and waits a minute... doesnt hear or  so see anything else so he keeps robbing...again the voice says "Jesus is watching you"... The robber turns on his flash light and shines it around the room and he spots a bird cage in the corner with a parot.  He walks up to the cage and says to the bird..."Is that you making all that noise?"  "Yep" says the bird.  The robber says "And whats your name?"  "My name is Moses" replies the bird.  "MOSES!  What kind of stupid people name their bird MOSES!" says the robber.  "The same stupid people who name their rottweiler Jesus!" replies the bird.\n\nAnd my hand hurts so im stopping :)
645778
Out the Window \n\n\n\nGeorge Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." \n\nThe Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." \n\nNot to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." \n\nThe pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people really happy."
411611
He was probably told by the President that he was not going to be staying.\nHe didn't cut and run.\nHe was fired.
364885
yes mr keryy should step downe his next job should be busted down in rank- sir- maybe-- kleaning toillets  scrubing them in a airoprt and mpoing flors in a  airport///?? HE NEVER LOKED PRESEDIENTIAL JUST A  KLUTZ AND NOW THE REMARKS ABOUT OUR TROOPS//// BAD MOVE JOHNY--
54481
Who was that begging us to be nice to this guy? Wake up lady! This is the United States of America! If you are stupid, you get criticized. Politics is a tough business. He knew that going in. Bush aint a crackhead though. The other writer was correct. He is a dry drunk. I think he is a little coked out too which explains is absolute inability to speak coherently. The guy is President of the US and cant even speak well publicly. What is that? All he can do is read or spew the same ole rehearsed talking points. I think he needs another vacation.
317545
Okay,\n\nWillie was rolling down the hall of his nursing home like he was driving a car, when an aide turned the corner and seen him, the aide asked what are you doing Willie responded im driving to chicago for a week on vacation The aide chuckled and entered johns room only to catch john pleasuring himself, when asked what he was doing john responded im screwing willies wife while hes in chicago!\n\n\nAn elderly Lady bought a set of parrots, when she got them hold she couldnt figure out which was male and which one was the female, she called the pet store and asked, the employee said just watch them closely and it will become obvious. She watched for weeks when finally they did what comes natural she cut a ring from cardboard and placed it around the males neck.\nHours later the local preacher showed up at the womans home, The parrot took one look at the preachers collar and said she caught you in the act to!!!\n\n\nWhat did god say when Michael Jackson got to the pearly gates?\nNig*a i didnt make you this way!\n\n\nA little girl was walking through town with her mother when she picked up something off the ground and stuck it in her mouth. Her mothert warned her not to do that, it has germs on it and such. The girl asked how do you know. Of course everyone knows this stuff. She replied:You have to know that stuff to become a mommy its on the mommys test you have to know it to pass. They walked on a little longer in silence as the girl was pondering this new information, Suddenly the girls says with enthusiasm "I get it if you fail, you have to be the daddy!!!"\n\nHope you like it!