there has to be a good way to do it without breaking my mother's heart or being cut off by my father.  i have considered never being with a woman if it pleases them, but i need them to know that it is not about sex, it is how i feel. and that even though they force me to live a certain way, inside i will always be a lesbian. *sigh* i am 19 years old, perfect child in every other respect (good manners, strong academics, ivy university), will they look beyond my one flaw? thanks, i would genuinely appreciate sincere responses on how to deal with this one.
201631
Oh man! That is probably the toughest things to face. You need to just sit them down and explain everything you feel. You need to tell them your fear of them not being able to love you. If they truely understood they would love you for who you are. I'm sorry but that is about all you can do... explain your feelings and why you waited to tell them. It will do you better then just ignoring it. Good Luck! Know that we are here for you!
197171
I sympathize with you on this one. I grew up with a strictly Catholic mother. Everything was a sin, and my sisters and I were going to Hell for everything we did. Well, you have to develop your own beliefs and morals. I am not very religious anymore, I still attend church every now and then, but I am more spiritual than religious. \n\nI waited until I was 18 before I started dating, not because of my mother, but because I was just not ready. I was like you, I didn't know how to flirt or how to be in a relationship. To tell you the truth, I still don't. I lost my virginity to a guy that just used and abused me. Just follow your heart. 9 out of 10 times, when you feel something is morally wrong, you probably shouldn't do it anyway because there will not be a good outcome. I would suggest trying to socialize with people online or going out with friends. Go on a blind date.\n\nI am 23 now and I have been with a few men, most have been real a**holes and have left me brokenhearted. Just don't settle for any guy, find someone that will understand and appreciate your family and beliefs. Sex is more fun when you have an emotional connection with someone. It involves so much more than the physical act.
604120
Why would I want to?\n\nHow about, did you get your ugliness from your mother?\n\nMost like to think their moms gave them more of the better parts of them than their dads did, so while they may not get riled over "yo momma" remarks that some guys are, this attacks not only who they are but the one that made them what they are.  I'd wish you luck, but you proably deserve any venom this might generate with the use.
320579
I don't know how old you are, but obviously pretty young. \nI'll tell you that you should respect what her parents say. This gets you in good with them. They maybe worried that you are trying to give her stuff to feel obligated to do sexual things with her. In which case, that's too serious for your age and mom and dad know that. Okay, so your intentions were good, and not trying to buy sex, but trying to show her how much she means to you. Girls don't know this. They are too young to understand any of that. She confided in you about her deep feelings, feel honored, most girls don't feel that comfortable around any guy. If you want to tell her that you miss the times you had with her, that is okay, that lets her know that you really care about her still, but you understand that you both aren't ready for something that serious. She will then always remember that you are a wonderful boy, and her parents will always remember you were respectful. Wait until she and you are old enough to date seriously, who knows what the future holds. Remember to get good grades and go to college so you can get a good job; no girl (or woman) likes a stupid, broke man. Keep being you.
346246
I've had the same problem with my mother and the result wasn't a good one, her relationships with her boyfriends put a wedge in our relationship. I learned to deal with it, but I don't want that outcome for you. You have to talk to her about, sometimes that doesn't always work, but at least u can say u tried. The truth is men can brainwash a woman and turn them against there children, its sad but it happens. Try to stay strong with this situation.
246523
You are a good hearted person and an example to all the kids struggling with their own sexuality.  I was amazed to read your post, and quite impressed.\n\nI don't know what may hurt parents, I've never understood why parents were hurt by what their children were.  I raised two boys, adopted, whom I loved very much.  They were both straight.  They were both good boys.  The only thing that ever hurt me was when one of them smoked briefly (he stopped).  I never told him it hurt me, but he saw me cry about it once, although I didn't mean for him to -- and he just stopped and never smoked again.  One of my two died in a car accident nearly two years ago, but my relationship with him prior to his death and my relationship with my remaining one is/are very tight.  Closer than nearly any straight blood father I know.  That was partially because I was always there for my kids -- not to judge them, not to use them as an extension of me -- but for them.\n\nI can imagine that the fears I would have, if I were a straight parent would be:  Disease.  Lack of a loving family later in his life. Violence directed against my child by homophobes (fear for his safety).  And, last but not least, if I were a selfish bastard, a fear that I wouldn't have grandkids.\n\nI suspect that the parents that you can't reach are those who worry about their own status, what "other" people think of them (because of you) and think that God really came from the bronze age and throws gay kids into hell.\n\nMy parents were not concerned about me being gay, my father's only comment (I came out at 14) was "be sure you love the person you are with and never hurt anyone."  Well, I've lived up to that, or at least I've tried very hard to.\n\nIf there is anything whatsoever I can do to help you with your project (I've given you as much insight as I'm likely to, but you can bounce ideas off me) then email me at the address below.\n\nWarm thoughts,\n\nReyn\n\nhttp://www.rebuff.org \nbelieveinyou24@yahoo.com
597468
I am not a lesbian however I can tell you stop giving into guys. The girls are just as bad as the guys anymore. There really is no difference in behavior and taking what you want. I lived in a college town and trust me there are some girls who take what they want and leave. First fix yourself and feel good about you and become empowered and the rest will follow.
646855
Yea, I was in that situation before. I finally just had to let go because I couldn't live my life without my mom being there for me. It sucked a lot because we had been together for almost 2.5 years. I just didn't know what else to do either. All I can really suggest is try to talk it out with her. Does she hate her personally or hate her because of the homosexual relationship? Explain to her that homosexual relationships are very accepted in society nowadays (at least way more than when she was growing up) and that you really love this girl but you love her too. Tell her a lot about how you love her and respect her but she should love and respect you too and that she should be supporting you. (A mini guilt trip isn't so bad). I tried to explain that to my mom, and she kinda "dealt with it" after awhile even though she didn't approve. My last bf was much bigger than me, with real long hair (all the way down his back) and he wore all black most of the time. She didn't even know him because she refused to talk to him, yet swore she could tell me what kind of person he was and how he was going to beat and rape me, and yada yada yada even though he was really the sweetest guy ever. Parents just don't understand sometimes and just want you to be like they were when they were kids. Try to come to an agreement. Good luck!!!\n\nPS: Don't do what everyone else is saying and "get a boyfriend," do what makes you happy. You can't live a lie.
298935
You have one mother. Men/women come and go and depending on the time in your life they maybe inappropriate anyway. Dont ever ditch you mother for one who may make you feel good for a few seconds. They might seem like the best thing since sliced bread but they are not worth it. If you are having conflict with your mother over a partner then there is possibly a very good reason - parents do not go through life "blindfolded", so give them some credit and remember who gave birth and/or raised you.
344961
Since you say that mom would probably kick you out of the house, do you really need to tell her? Coming out does not have to be something that is done in a single week. You told your boyfriend, and that is what is important. You should tell people about your sexuality that you are sexually involved with. For your family, it is only when you are comfortable telling them and aren't in a position of being dependent on them. If you think your friends won't accept it, are they really your friends? If they don't accept you, find better friends who are more supportive.
112450
First off, good for you. Don't let other people pressure you into finding a boyfriend, that will only trap you in a pointless relationship. They pressure you because they feel like they're helping, it's hard to tell them all their interference makes the situation worse. Tell them, 'I will have a boyfriend when I find one I like.' If that doesn't stop them, tell them you're thinking about becoming a lesbian.
84073
Try a dating site. Yahoo has one. Just bring mace or a pepper spray.(there's some sick people out there). oh i read about your love situation. I had the same problem. she was older than me and wanted me to come out to my parents, but i wasn't ready for that step. Don't stress about it, these things take time.
325437
Did not have strict parents that watched my every move. Never wanted to be with a female, so never had to 'switch'. No abusive childhood. My childhood went pretty well. I am close to both my mother and father, who live in the same home. Growing up my mother stayed at home and was a stay at home mom and my father worked. It wasn't until I entered junior high that my mother went back to work part time and not until I graduated high school that my mother began working full time.\n\nAs a child I remember very much the desire I had to kiss and hug the boys. I always admired the girls who could do this. I had boy and girl friends growing up. Yet, it was the girls that I admired because of the one reason: society said they could kiss the boys and hug them. I had a few crushes on boys growing up. Once puberty hit those feelings got mixed in with sexual feelings and not only did I find myself emotionally and romantically attracted to guys, I found myself sexually attracted to guys. I've never had the desire to even kiss a girl, let alone have sex with one. Girls are....well they're pretty like flowers, but I have no real desire to be with them as anything other than friends.\n\nIf no one is born gay, then I am not sure how to explain myself. I can't think of a time when I was ever attracted to the opposite sex...emotionally, romatically, or sexually. So I'm not sure what's going on, but all my life I've been attracted to males. And from all the books I've read that people have given to me written by folks who say that gays aren't born it's enviromental, well none of the enviroments they describe fit the enviroment I grew up in. In fact, the enviroments they say are 'healthy' and 'traditional'...well that's exactly how I grew up. When I came out to my parents, both of them weren't surprised. They said that my grandmothers (paternal and maternal) had sat them down when I had gotten to be school age and told them that from what they could tell there were signs that this was a possibility and that they should perhaps atleast try to plan for it. My parents apparently did just that because when I told them they weren't surprised and told me what my grandmothers had told them. They were just happy that I am happy and healthy and they are very supportive and loving. In fact, they also embraced my beloved when I brought him home for them to meet.\n\nAs for why there seems to be an increase in lesbians and gays in America? From what I can tell, and this is just based upon a few studies that have been done and my own opinion of what those studies were concluding (because most studies just give you the facts and then leave you to judge what the information is saying) was that the increase isn't real, there isn't "more" lesbians and gays in America than there ever has been. Or for that matter, there aren't any "more" in the world. The reason that it seems like there are more, is because a lot more are coming out and becoming visible. They feel safe to be honest with society and don't want to live a lie. In some places in the world it's still not okay for gays and lesbians to be honest, so they have to live a lie publicly. Yet the studies say that within the overall population of the nations, whether gays and lesbians are allowed tobe public about it or not, the ratio of homosexuals to heterosexuals remains the same. Now this is how I conclude that if the ratio seems to be the same, then the "apparent" increase isn't really an increase, it's a steady ratio in the population and that what people are actually saying is an increase is really not an increase in the numbers of actual homosexuals, but the increase in visibility.\n\nSo that's my answer to your question. Not sure if it was any help to you, though. It may not be the type of information you were looking for. \n\nPeace be with you.
37248
this is something you have to make a choice about.you cant let your mother make it for you.thats wrong.but if u enjoy it go ahead.
531748
I understand what you are saying, sometimes the female is thinking the same way her mother did, it depends on how you deal with them and how you encourage them to be their own woman.\n\nLife is short and you maybe need to talk openly with the lady and explain how you feel and then maybe she will listen and understand what you are looking for.\n\nI wish you good luck
377564
You're probably gonna have to bare with being male until adulthood. I sincerely doubt your mom will be accepting. It's not fair but it's true. Then again I don't know your mom, she may be more accepting than I think mine would be, if you must tell her then try to get her on her own and make sure she knows how  important it is to you.
503786
The best way is to have your parents as well as your sister even you to sit down and express your feelings to one another. This way you will find out how your parents feel and your parents would find out why she was acting that way. In other words you will each learn more from each other rather than hiding it inside. She could explain why she turned gay, and how she feels about being gay. She should ask your dad if he accepts her for who she is. Thats the most important part. I hope everything goes well. and try it, i hope it works.