i had a girl friend who loved me a lot, cared a lot about me, but she was  quite young hence a bit childish, didn't plan things well, didn't care much about the future, was indisciplined, sometimes got a bit selfish. So, i was not sure if she would prove as a good wife. Still, i loved her. on the other hand, i have a new girl that has the qualities of a good wife, but we dont have the love in between as of yet, maybe it will develop with time but i dont know, its been 4 months with her. Now, i get confused thinking whether i should have taken the risk of marrying my ex and hope that she would also become a good wife, or should i marry someone with all the qualities and hope that she would become a good lover? whats more important for a happily married life?
199205
A good wife..\na lover will soon get very boring and what will that leave you with.. a girl who is no longer a good lover and never was a good wife.
226470
yep, Married him,,,,we were friends for like 4 yrs we ve been married for 1 yr 4 months and to be honest it is the best thing I could have ever done, it is working just so great we don´t need to pretend anything we know each other like the palms of our hands we still can talk like good friends listen to each other ,,The secret of it i guess is to keep on being best friends many ppl forget their spouse should also be a friend to them and limit their relationships ...he knows my past I know his and we don´t use it against each other instead we use it to understand the fears that may still be a part of us..=)....Nope we didn´t really feel atracted at first I was *engaged* , he had a gf...time went by I had another bf...broke up ...and then I began noticing I had fallen for him I asked him about his feelings and I was lucky he felt the same way for me..
233135
My boyfriend and I are both divorced, and we're both a little marriage shy, so I totally understand your problem.  I want to know why 2 years is such a long time before you get married?  Most marriages are dissolved after a couple years because the people didn't know each other, I hear constantly "Well, we got married and I found out......"  That is not how marriage should be.  If you are going to spend the rest of your life with a person, you should know them in and out beforehand.  I'm a firm beleiver in living together before marriage.  Try that for a year or so, if you guys are still madly in love then you can START talking about marriage.
191550
how long have you known this woman . marry outside of her religion well i am not the kind to stand in the way of love my frien but have you known her for a while or what well that your right i guess let me be the first to say i hope you and this woman will be happy together in my opion it is you as well marry a woman in her religion she cant marry out of her religion i guess well hope all is fine with you in about.2. years from now god bless in my opion i really hope you know what you are doing well anyway i wish you the best you i figure will need it i am not a person to stand in the way of love but that was quick wish you and the woman the best again ?
32467
I agree with most everyone here about one thing. You need to remove yourself from the situation NOW. If their marriage is going to fall apart, it will do so without any help from you. Give her a chance to see things for herself without your infulence whatsoever. This will undoubetedly be difficult for you but it is the best interest of all involved. Should she wind up divorced (which it sounds like just may happen) then you can be there for her, be her friend, confidant and maybe even lover. Trust me....she will not know her true feelings for you until she has rid herself of any bad relationships. The last thing you want is to find this woman seemingly falling for you simply because she's unhappy now and you just happen to be the "fall back" guy. She may be looking for an "out" and you are the easiest way for her to accomplish that. Let her get out on her own, be her own person, make her own decisions, start a new life for herself and then, and only then can you be absolutely sure that it is truly you she wants and needs in her life. All things happen for a reason, so allow them to happen all by themself. If it was meant to be....then you two will be together. If not, then at least no one got hurt very badly. I know what it feels like to be in love with someone who is off limits at the moment. Follow your heart and instincts, but also listen to your head. Good luck to you my friend.
570875
Love is where you will least expect to find it....trust me.  I met my husband at work and he was already married to someone else.  It didn't really start out that I was crazy in love with him or him with me.  I saw him and was immediately drawn to him.  It was just one of those things.  We became really good friends and he found that it was extremely easy to talk to me.  The only reason he married his ex-wife was because he felt obligated to her, but deep inside he knew it was a mistake.  \n\nHe ended up leaving her and we have been together ever since.  Be patient and TRUE love will find you when you least expect it.
594984
The thing about marriage is, that even if your married with that person for 30 years, your still gonna discover something new about that person. Marriage is a life time commitment, you guys grow old together and you guys learn from each other. Marriage isnt only being husband and wife but you guys have to be best friends first. That is very important. Nobody can tell you that you got engaged too soon after meeting your fiance. Nothing is too soon unless you feel that it is. (My best friend was engaged to a guy, they were together for 3yrs, she fell in love with a different guy, she was confused between those two guys for like four months, and two weeks ago she married the other guy, and they only knew each other for four months. They just got married and screwed everyone else. And so far they are happily married) So nobody can say its too soon or too late, you only know what you want. \nBeing in a relationship before getting married, is getting to know that person, before making that life time commitment. And in between those years, you learn from your partner, you grow with that person, you learn from that person, people change whether you like it or not, but its up to you, if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. People these days dont understand what marriage is...they get married and two months later they get divorced. Marriage is a sacrad bond between two people and it should be taken seriously. It should be cherished and loved always!\nBut if he chooses his family over you, than that is wrong. Your gonna be his WIFE! If he doesnt understand that, than thats not good, and you should be with someone that does. You should be the one he chooses and not his family. Your the one that hes going to spend the rest of his life with, your the one hes going to wake up to every day, not his family. You should talk to him about that, you should tell him that your gonna be his wife, and that his family should come second after you, if he doesnt understand that, than you should not marry him. You need a man, that cherishes YOU first than his family second. He should understand that. \nSo the choice is  complelty up to you, you should do whatever you feel is right and watever you feel will make YOU happy. Marriage is a very important step. People should take it serously. So GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
87158
Living my life, huh?  I hated it...had the most gorgeous girls around me....asking for advice, crying on my shoulder, spilling their hearts.  I wanted to grab them and shake em and say...I"M HERE!!!!!  The things that make you attractive to these girls, as friends, will serve you well in the future.  Let the world call you gay, you be yourself!  Who cares if the furthest you've ever gone with a girl is holding hands?  (besides yourself, i'm sure)  One day...may be next week, year, 5 years...whatever...there will be someone who appreciates all those qualities in you.  They will appreciate your purity, your ability to listen, etc.  A marriage is a partnership, a friendship, it's love.  You can't force it my friend, it happens.  Most often, in my life anyways, when I least wanted it or expected it.  Sometimes, it even became feast or famine.  That was when my integrity, my loyalty, my trueness to myself had to come through.  I haven't always made the right choices, but am very happily married now to my life mate, my partner and the only woman who could ever love me for exactly who I am.  It will happen for you too.  You may need to be hurt as you seek that person, they may reject you as a partner for them, but that is good.  You want someone to love, accept and respect you for who you are....nothing less will do.  Hang in there Bud and be true to yourself and who you are.  It will get better.  Hope this helps a bit.
201976
Marriage is a serious matter and you cant say yes unless your absolutely sure. You dont have to know what love is to know whether its right or not. No one can be sure of what true love really is because its different for so many people. So instead ask yourself:\n*Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with this    \n woman?\n*Is she the only one that makes you happy?\n*Can you trust her, confide in her, rely on her through good \n times and bad?\n*Does your heart tell you that marrying her is the right   \n thing to do?\n\nRemember that there is no exact definition to the meaning of love. Its something you find within. If she is the one that makes you happy, the one that you trust. If you can be completely open with her and know that you can rely on her then marrying her is the right thing to do. Follow your heart, and you'll make the right decision.
113572
Yes, you have to know it takes two to make a marriage work it could have been something that happened on the wife's end. You can't just blame the man. It is however different because you can't bring the "baggage" with you. If you were burned don't let you insecurities ruin future relationships with girls. Be patient someone will come and take you just as you are. Yes i know it takes two to make a marriage work but sometimes things just can't be fixed.
260244
Sweeite, it's alright.  What you feel is totally natural.  I have been with my guy for three years and I am the maid of honor for a woman who has been dating her guy for five months.  I have a complex about it, and she loves to rub it in.  \n\nSomething I have realized, though, through all this is that marriage, while being the ultimate committment is not required to have a totally fulfilling realtionship.  While I may not even be engaged, I know that we are meant to be and have a bond that my friend cannot even contemplate with her new beau.  \n\nNot being egnaged only means that you are mature enough to know that the marriages that last longer are the ones who wait two to five years.  You will not stumble into anything weird wwhen you get married.  You know everything about him.  Believe me, some of these new brides will find at least one thing that will surpirse them about their mate.  Getting married in the honeymoon phase of a realtiohsip, while looks good on paper, is not really the best way.  once that is over, what do you have left?  Only knowledge and understanding of the other will be the true test of time, and that can only come with time.  \n\nDon't sweat it.  You are the smarter one.  Know it, breathe it, live it!  You are one up on them, not the other way around!
366571
Ignore the bashers of love in here, most of them wouldn't know love even if it slapped them in the face. My wife and I are the same as you two are, we think the same, act the same, like most of the same things, had very similar dramatic life experiences thats shaped who we are, and we married each other because we saw the bond we clearly had. More importantly, we both knew who we were as individuals, and knew what we wanted. You can't know if your meant to be with someone unless you know yourself well enough to know what feels right for you and know what you want.
508919
OK i'm not going to push my values on you. But it's really up to you. When you get married and start having sex with your wife, do you want her to lean over in the morning and say "Oh baby, you're on my top 20 lovers list!"or would you rather know that you are the only one she has ever been with and ever really will be with?Also, if you have sex now while you're young and you think that the person you are with will love forever, guess again. If she can't wait for you, chances are, she's done it to other guys just like you. And if you have sex, it usually means you care very deeply for the person you are with. However, if you marry someone who has had sex before, that means that they have "deeply" loved others before you and left them. Which strengthens your chances of her leaving you. It's just all around beetter to wait until you're married, because that way, it's like your spouse is the only person you ever really loved enough to surrender yourself to, and it will give you a longer lasting relationship. And you will have a much happier marriage and life.\n\nMatthew, I know that there are going to be many mixed answers here, but just listen to me on this one. You can always lose your virginity, but you can never get it back once you've lost it. If you feel like an outcast because you aren't an anybody's man, you shouldn't. You should feel dignified that you are too good to settle for someone who only cares about your body; but that you are waiting for someone who cares about who will not be able to have sex when he's old. They will love for your entire life, and not just until they've had their share of orgasms.
420991
I'm in the same boat as you and think you should keep away from fornication. Waiting until your wedding night really shows your new wife that you have waited your entire life to be with her. Sex has nothing to do with love; it is lust and really shouldn't be a factor outside of marriage because both participants know fine well after they have sex they have nothing moer they can give to one another. Outside of wedlock shows they are struggling to keep their relationship going. I know I may sound ignorant but thats the way I see things, it's the way I raised myself. Thinking of showing my devotion to my future (hopefully) wife rather than pleasing my own lust.
673291
I'm a male in my second marriage who married a woman who hadn't been married previously and its worked out great. In fact I'm glad the first marriage didn't work and we have been together 20 years and I would marry her again tommorrow. I'm sure your fiance was just meaning the second time around would be best for himself. Communication and genuine friendship is the key and humor is also very important. We often tease each other in a lighthearted manner. Also we have 2 children whom we are very proud of.
65454
It really depends on the situation at hand and the couple as to whether or not it is too fast. I knew a couple who married after only about 6 months and neither was financially stable which caused problems in the marriage etc. and it ended in divorce because they were both pretty unhappy with the situation. Another couple I know dated for 3 months and then married and they've been married for almost 30 years. They were financially secure. I think being financially secure is a main thing to look at. you dont want to put any extra stress on the relationship because right after you are married is supposed to be one of the best times of your life and the most enjoyable. \n\nOn another note, dating long term doesnt hurt anything either. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now.
203224
To be a good wife, you must be loving and caring, and loyal to your husband. Did you ever  say to him, "I would do anything for you", and really mean it?  Well, if you did, and you still provide such care, then you are a good wife.  But, it does not work one way.  Eventually, even a "good" wife gets tired of neglect and abuse. So, in order to be a really good wife, the man must also be a good husband.