I have been with my boyfriend(31yrs) for just 3yrs and i of similar age, what started off as a joint social drink with him ok most nites but that was it, has now turned into a all day,everyday binge whether it be at home or in the pub his always got a can or a pint in his hand!!!! on friday nite he got bottled at the local shops by aloud of young lads, when is it meant to all stop i dont know what 2 do, i want 2 be there for him but i have 3 young kids, his admitted he has a drink problem but doesn't want 2 do anything about it calls me a hypercrite because i like a drink a couple of times a week, what do i do???
200517
The first thing an alcoholic must do to begin his/her recovery is to admit that he/she has a problem. So long as they are in denial no one can help them, no matter how much they love them. If your partner is accusing you of being hypocritical then he is surely in denial about his habit. It is very unlikely that your situation will get better until he realizes that his habit is costing him more than money. Leave him and be sure to tell him your real reasons as to why you are leaving him.
142274
I am somewhat in this same situation.  I was a drinker when I met my bf and he has since asked me to quit (or only drink when he is around).  He knows I tend to be more "open" or social when I'm under the influence of alcohol and that scares him, and he has every reason to be (i am a heavy drinker and have been known to black out).  I guess it depends on how much she is drinking and how often.  Do you see yourself EVER being able to accept it.  I'm sure you have tried talking to her about this already, hence the fighting.  Please, next time, express your fellings calmly, genuinely, and with love.  If she is 100% defending her actions without even so much as considering your feeling on this, it may be a lost cause.  (From experience, the more defensive she is, the more difficult the situation, there may be more to what she is doing).  If she loves you, she will at least consider what you have to say. \n\nAlso, you may want to re-evaluate your marriage.  I'm no counsler, but I've known from my own relationships that sometimes the spark burns out.  She may just be seeking the "new" that she misses from when you 2 met.  Is rediscovering those "new" feelings with her an option?
433510
Unfortunately, it is a difficult matter to help somebody stop doing something they want to do. Your advice and support are pretty much all you can give. Coming from a long line of over indulgers in alcohol I can relate to the tragedy you endure. A positive spin on his lifestyle is all you can really expect to provide. The decision to stop drinking must be his unless he is a minor. The only effective treatment aside from 'quitting cold turkey'  is professional intervention. This is predicated on the notion that one wishes to become sober. Without that, all is lost.
171103
Your boyfriend is lucky to have someone like you, but I think that you really should not threaten him on anything.  You have to think about this carefully, are you going to leave him if he does not quit, if the answer is yes, then I think you should have a talk with him when he is sober, and let him know that you are supportive but if he is not going to quit, he will lose you and you mean it!  If your answer is no, you are just buffing him, then, I think that you have to rethink!  It is difficult to have a relationship with someone who has a bad habit but I agree that you have to try and help him before giving up!  Good Luck!
144619
Yes, It does sound as if he is. Ask him if he thinks he is an alcoholic. There's nothing wrong with being an alcoholic, but it can be a very big problem. Especially when stress gets high or serious problems come into our lives.\n\nI am an alcoholic. And it is easy for me to go a few weeks without any drinks. So I don't think your test of, "honey please go without drinking for a few weeks", will work. \nThe worst problem an alcoholic can have ignorance. That's why the first step to recovery is to admit it.\nWhat he should do, after recognizing that he has a problem, is learn to pace himself. Learn to abide by a set limit, but don't throw the limit out after breaking it a time or three. He needs to decide when, when not, where, where not and with whom he drinks. \nThe hardest part of quiting, if that is what he decides to do, is to quit your drinking friends. This is as hard as any lifestyle change and probably the reason most people feel that they can't quit. \n\nThe other problem is you. You put up with his abuse of alcohol. You stay with him. You are not overreacting, you have a life and expectations also. If he isn't meeting those, discuss it with him or leave him. Think of it this way, it's as hard for him to quit drinking as it is for you to quit him. Some times it seems like it could be easy, others not so but only when doing it will you know for sure how much better life can be.\nGood luck.
419131
He just might be afraid of a relationship right now. Just give him the space that he wants, since you seem like a good friend. My guess is that this has happened to him more than once, but you shouldn't let him make those mistakes since your his friend. Just be there for him when the times are tough. When the time is right, he may think that it was worth the wait, but no more drinking!!! Good Luck!!!
70199
If you are having any doubts now then I don't think you are ready to be trapped in a marriage especially when he drinks.  I know that you said he only gets argumentive when he drinks but even still - when you're married drinking is the stupidist thing you can do.  There's so many more important things to do, more responsibilities and priorities that you will need to worry about and take care of that drinking is definitely a bad thing to involve.  If you argue all the time about little stuff then it would definitely not be smart to take your relationship to the next level and be stuck.  I thought me and my husband would be great together - we never argued or anything while dating and as soon as we moved in together and were married .. all of a sudden we were arguing over every stupid little thing.  It was little stuff ... but all the time and believe me even that will make u unhappy and miserable.  Don't drag on your relationship just because you have been together for 2 years. I believe you deserve someone better honestly.  Give it your all in working it out so you'll know if it ends that you tried all you could do and wont have any regrets.  Please take care and I hope it all works out for you the way you deserve.  Marriage is not what I thought it was - you will know what I mean when that happens for you.  Please hold off on it. Please - u deserve to be happy.
247245
dear,\ni have been(in a way I'm still) for 5 years with a man who had, more or less, the same problem.I told me that he cannot be happy if he was going out and not drinking . So...when we were out with a group of friends, after a while the alcohol was more important than me.\nI don't remember how many times I left a place alone, leaving him there already drunk.\nThe point is: do u deserve this?\nNo darling, u deserve much more than a stupid man who cannot be happy without his drinking!find a man who is there for you!
110602
Well 28 is a little old to be partyin that hard. I hate guys who are lush's like that. I would not be able to handle my bf going out and getting trashed like that and not remembering..who knows what he's doing while he's drunk without you. I think you should talk to him about it and if that doesn't work you should move on. It's time for him to grow up and be a man.
303381
alcohol makes a person do things he/she wouldn't normally do. I think you're mistaken about him. Listen to him, believe and obey him, and help him stop drinking then prove yourself! You're just confused and need more self esteem.
184747
If you have a 2month old w/him & 2 other children in the house & he still acts like that yelling & what not then you need to decide what is more important. Your kids or him  Apparently you know what is the most important or you would have not quit drinking YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR LIFE. They are you miracles your gifts from GOD. You need to take care of them before you worry about a loser who obviously doesn't care about you, his baby, or himself. Things change tremendously when you have kids either he doesn't have any other children or this is his 1st or he is a dead beat dad whatever the reason he still needs to grow up.
260844
The amount that you are having is fine - it is sustained over drinking or binge drinking that are problems.\n\nGiven that you are not drinking alone (whihc is a sign of alcoholism) - it makes me think you don't have a problem.\n\nI also understand that your husband is worried - particularly if he used to do too much before and feels he needs to be different.  I actually believe that to protect children you need to show them drinking responsibly rather than just avoiding it altogether.\n\neg taking children to the pub for a meal and having a small drink.\n\nThey will then learn that it is OK and not something secret, forbidden or exciting.\n\nMy parents used to give us watered down wine for our sunday lunch - that did more to put me off alcohol than being told I mustn't have any because it's bad (which would simply make me want to do it more).\n\nPerhaps the best course of action is to both (you as well, so he feels supported) head on a counselling course - it'll clear the air and help see that there is a middle ground to binging or abstinence. \n\nPersonally, I've let my daughter have a little taste (which she hated) - when she asked.  And then all the inquisitiveness disappeared from her.  But at least the topic's been broached - which'll make it easier when she gets older and wants to talk about it on a more serious level.
132445
"you just try to give him more and more love that he will forget everything."\n\n"Oh if I just love him enough, he'll love me then he'll change" NOT!!!! I'm sorry but that train of thought has trapped countless people in abusive and co-dependant relationships.\n\nYou loving him is not going to make him stop drinking. But if you confront him about his drinking, and he makes the decision to stop, then you can be there to love and support him during his rehabilitation.\n\nIf you tell him how much it bothers you and he just blows you off, then it's time to make a decision.  Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?  Alcoholism only gets worse not better.\n\nRemember, you can't fix him. Only he can choose how he is going to live his life. All you can do is take care of yourself and be there to help him if he needs it. (and helping doesn't mean holding his head while he pukes)
370575
Well drinking yourself to oblivion and hiding that from your loved ones sounds like alcoholism to me.\nTheres only one person who can change him and thats himself - as much as you or other people tell him to change he is the only one who can make that decision.\nI would end the relationship (because of his drinking) but say you will support him in getting help and remain friends etc.\nIf/when he gets himself off the booze you can always get back together again if you want to.
287931
This will sound harsh but if you insist on enabling him and thereby losing control of your own life and thoughts ... I'd suggest buying him more booze and hope the end comes soon. On a more serious note, you could seek counseling for both you and him and for god's sake, get him to join AA.
569406
Honey, you are not overreacting at all.  This man does not respect you.  I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling.  Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years.  You've lost yourself in this relationship.  I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man.  He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature.  You stooped to his level.  What you should do is leave.  It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man.  Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.  \n\nI don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder.  I speak from experience.  I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man.  And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband.  I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day.  Why should I live with that, and why should you.  \n\nHow dare he stop you from working if you want to work.  That's a way of him staying in control of you.  Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there.  Start planning your way out.  You will be so happy when you find yourself again.  And don't forget, God is there for you.  Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.
522130
What a totally bogus kick in the teeth. Of all the low down rotten disrespect. It's not a question of who to be mad at as the anger and resentment  seething inside you is plenty for the both of them. You have every right to be mad at both of those two miscreants. Your first reaction would be that you probably would like to ring both of their necks and I don't blame you. This is all so terribly sad.\n  Anger aside you should reevaluate your relationship with with this so called "boyfriend". He seems very controlled by that idiot rat-friend of his. Him you can write off as a bad influence, a clot headed loser who doesn't even deserve the right time of day.  \nBut your boyfriend. Because of the money spent on the booze pay special attention to his use of alcohol. This should serve as a warning to any future interaction with him. You will never have any positive relationship with a drunk. Take some time for yourself and get your feelings sorted out even if it means not seeing him for a while. You may need a break from him. He really needs to make some kind of a decision as to how he feels about being with you. Guilt or no guilt this little escapade of his may illustrate his true feelings.