Where do u get self esteem when u have never had any. When u were younger u were told that u could could lose a few pounds, you were never encouraged or told that u were smart or beautiful and now as a very grown adult Im heavier than ever and really dont have any self esteem. yeah I could diet and lose weight, but how do I become content with myself if I never lose weight(of course Im going to try). Im pretty successful but Ive never had any self esteem and am wondering in my late 20's will I ever find that inner peace. Ive work on it for years
205594
I had the same problem when i was growing up.  It didn't help my situation at all that I had two sisters who were gorgeous!!  They totally teased me everyday (I was chubby and wore glasses).  When I turned seventeen, I needed a change of scenery (I had other problems as well), so joined the Army.  After PT and contact lenses, I went home for the holidays.  Everybody kept saying how different I looked, and how pretty I was.  It totally boosted my ego.  I'm not saying join the Army or anything, but maybe you need a scenery change too.  Get away from the people who make you feel insecure.  I guarantee it will change the way you feel about yourself.\n\nYou don't need someone to tell you that you're beautiful, or smart, or anything.  Tell yourself..... it only matters what you think about yourself.
636487
Honey, be yourself. I am also over weight and I consider myself a Diva among Divas and I carry myself that way. I let my personality speak for my self. People who are turned off because of your weight have low self esteem. Your weight has not direct bearing on who you are as a person and what kind of friend you will be. You are still the same inside big or skinny.
275914
Im 21 never done anything with anyone or had a g/f( except onece with a hooker lol )im 6 ft and now 138 lbs and it seems no one is interested at all. I have like 2 freinds and suffer from depression and also have very low self esteem and confidence and also ive being bullied from the day i started school . Do i want to end things . no i dont that would be letting the dickheads win . When you say big boned what u mean  because if your lean ( low body fat ) and have big bones thats hot too i think you should not even bother worrying your not even fully grown and your a kid still i mean im still young and im 21 i look like 16 lol so yeh my point of explaining this is to tell u that their are people in worse situations if you end now then you wont find out what things could happen you never know some really good things might happen even if u dont belive it which you dont because deopressed people dont i read it up on a doctors website so i know the symptons of depression which you may be suffering from and it affects your way of thinking.
430573
Have you ever heard of self esteem. Well that seems to be what you are lacking. You shouldn't be worried about what's going on around you and what someone else is thinking but what you feel. If you feel your overweight YOU need to do something about it. You need to be better for you to become a better person. AND PLEASE FOR GOD SAKE'S YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN! If anything you need to leave them alone for awhile and do for you. Work on you. From a ladi that's been there. Care about home first then invite someone to visit.
190164
I would say you have to pay attention to your weight. I am totally convinced that having a healthy weight is a must. I am 30 years old and is now that I have started to be concious of how important this is. When I was 14 I never worked out. Try to be as active as you can, run, exercise, work out; it will make so much of a better woman when you are 30, you will feel so good. But take this piece of advise, if you are going to change your looks, just do it because you really want to or because what you are about to change really bothers you; never do it to satisfy a society based off looks or just because we need to look in a certain weight. I am telling you this because I was somebody would have told me this when I was your age. Good Luck!
187615
I went through a really ugly transition stage in middle school, but in high school I've grown up and matured, and so has my look. Pay no attention to what people think of you - why is physical beauty so important to you? Stop concerning yourself with the past and people's opinions of you or else you will NEVER be happy. You need to feel beautiful yourself before you can believe that others think you are -- but who are they to say anyway? Feel pretty on the inside and it will show on the outside.
293975
It took me 35 years to learn this one.  One's own perception of self is very powerful and it's hard to understand when others don't see you the same way.  The reality is that 99.99% of people don't know what's in your head whether you feel good or bad about yourself.  You need to learn to see what others see in you.  Yeah, they could be yankin' your chain hoping to pull you out of your funk, or they could be genuinely honest about what they see.  It won't matter until you get over yourself, until your own perception goes beyond "fat and ugly".
259472
i don't think anyone is 100% happy with themselves. I think i'm fat, even though i'm really not. don't worry, i'm sure everyone thinks they have at least 1 imperfection.
634858
Let me give you a piece of advice, and take it from the heart: I'm just going through a divorce from a man who never once paid me a compliment the whole time we were together, all he did was to say, you would be pretty if you lost weight, changed your hair, etc.  \n     If he's this stingy with his compliments, take it from me, he's a lousy boyfriend and it won't get any better, because he's got a tiny, shrivelled up, cold heart, and he's also mean spirited. Don't you feel like you deserve better? Trust me, you do. I found someone who thinks of me as "voloptuous", not fat. Which one do you think I'm with? That's a no-brainer!\n     Do yourself a huge favor and dump this loser now! You'll be glad you did, there are so many warm and loving guys who will love  you just like you are, but you won't find them while you're stuck with Mr. Wrong. Good luck!:)
367138
you need to find one thing good about yourself, one thing that you apprecaite and like.  I recently gained some weight and felt disgusted about myself.  I used to attract guys because of the confidence i had.  After gaining all the weight i no longer had that confidence and found it hard to pick up guys.  So i askked someone what was one good thing about me.  They told me my eyes so i would always look at my eyes and then i would slowly bring in other thiungs about myself.  Noone is going to want to date someone with no self asteem even if you are attractive.  Confidence is the key.
42452
Get out there and talk to people, make friends, just do anything.  You need a confidence boost.  But if you really are overweight, diet and exercise is the way to go.
606539
I think you are really insecure if you need people to tell you what they think of you.  It's what you think of yourself that matters.  Everyone looks good at our age (ok, not everyone) but personality is what matters..........when we are 80 we are all going to sag and droop, you better have something to talk about other than your younger years and how great they were/you looked.  Personality and sense of humor go much, much further with me.  Looks can go at any time.  What if you were in an accident that left you disfigured and unable to work out for ever???  A personality might come in handy....ya think?
590572
Right now, I feel pretty good about myself. I'm doing something wonderful and positive with my life and I've never been happier. It took me a long time to re-gain my self esteem, but now I'm stronger and happier than ever.
430955
Yeah.  When you realize that high self-esteem (pride) and low self-esteem are two side of the same coin.  This lind of pride is thinking you are to great and the other think that you are not enough.  At the end of the day it is still all about you.  The best is having no self-esteem.  In which you consider yourself honestly and then move on and refocus on the One who really matter GOD.  So, yes I have had days like that.
497044
First of all, you need to have confidence in yourself and love yourself for the beautiful person that you are.  If you think that you're fat and you are truly over your body mass index then may you could eat a little healthier and exercise and try to get the body that you want.  If you aren't really overweight.........then I don't really know what to tell you.  I would say to try to keep thinking positive, because beauty really is only skin deep.
595173
Gosh I feel bad for you...sounds like a hardcore case of depression.  It's so easy for other people to just tell you to seek therapy, isn't it?  I have lifelong bipolar disorder, so I know how it feels to have been down in the depths of depression...thankfully for me, I eventually snap out of it and go into "happy" mode.  In my experience, talking to a therapist has not helped.  They ask me a million questions, write them all down and make me feel like a science project, give me a prescription, and send me on my way -- all for $175 for a 30 minute appointment.  I have found that when there is a constant vague feeling of depression for seemingly no reason, it is because I have suppressed that reason.  Identify the sources of your unhappiness.  For me, I finally realized that it was about three different instances in my past that had changed my mindset or my innocence in some way -- made me jaded to the world.  I'm still working on it, but I'm hoping to confront and forgive or be forgiven by the people involved.  And yeah, I've had my heart broken and I still have feelings years later, so it's perfectly normal.  If you have self-esteem issues, work on something that you enjoy and that you are good at -- don't worry if you fail at first, practice makes perfect.  Help others or be a friend.  It's almost impossible to feel low about yourself if you know you are good at something or worth something to someone.  If your self-esteem is in the dumps because you are worried about what people think of you, then don't be.  Look at people who are stupid and unattractive and have confidence -- if they have it, then why shouldn't you?  Basically, you need to recognize meaning in your life.  It's already there, you just need to find it.  All right, enough Dr. Phil crap from me.  Good luck and bless you.
631632
I think that there are times when everyone has suffered with self esteem issues.  Focus on the things that you are great at and when these negative thoughts come into your head, put them aside immediately.  Recognize them for what they are, depression, and while you may feel this way, understand that they are not Representative of you as a whole.  Are you a good wife?  A good citizen?  Compassionate?  The more you stress about it the worse it will get.  Obviously you are loved and good enough for your husband or he would not have married you right?  Also don't give up on doctors.  Keep going until you can find someone that can help you.  Don't give up, the first major hurdle is recognizing your feelings, and that you don't want to feel this way.  Recognition is a very important step in the healing and getting well process.  My family has a history of depression.  My grandfather, mother, sister, and myself.  In the females our depressive state had a lot to do with hormone imbalance.  My hormones have been wacky my whole life, thus it leads to imbalances elsewhere.  Get a complete medical check-up, if you haven't already, including blood tests, thyroid tests, hormone tests, etc.  Rule out the medical side first, and then go from there.  You should find a good internalist to help you with these tests.  Mostly realize that you are not alone, your husband loves you, and there are many support groups out there to help you.  The best thing is to keep talking about it, don't try to do this alone.  There is no need too.  Confidence is a great thing, but more important is a sense of self and a peace of mind. There are different levels of confidence, don't try to make yourself something that you are not. If you are a passive person by nature, then you will never be as outgoing as people who are aggressive.  The most important thing is to find the level of self esteem and what your definition of confidence is.  Don't give up you are loved by many and have a purpose in this life.  Maybe your path is to teach others that it is okay to talk about depression and not keep it in the closet. It is nothing to be ashamed of.  Your confidence may come with helping others who are in the same boat, or worse then you.  Keep on trucking, you can do it.