My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have lived far away from our families during this time.  Now we have moved back and bought a house together but his mother is making our lives miserable.  she is constantly poking her nose in, making nasty comments about the both of us, even though I do all I can to make her like me.  I could understand if he was her only child but she has 5 other younger kids to worry about.  It was easy to cope when we were far away and saw her once or twice a year but now how do I cope?
214831
I went through a similar situation and I made my BF talk to her about her pushiness. She no long calls at 6 am so thats good! You should not complain to much about his family though as they are and will always be in his life. You should be calm and explain to him your feelings! Good luck.
350876
I have dealt with a similar situation, and I know this hurts you. First of all, even though this is easier said than done, do not take her comments to heart. They simply aren't true, and these comments have already damaged you emotionally. Secondly, if you haven't already done so, seek counseling. This should help you to keep things in perspective, and to help you know that your mother's hurtful comments do not define who you are. If you still feel rotten, you could choose just not to see her anymore. This is a tough decision, I know. She is 92, and probably won't be around too many more years. Of course this does not mean you have to take her abuse and do whatever she says. Talk to a counselor. He/she can help you decide what is best for you. Good luck, and remember. . . your mother's comments are rubbish. You know your own heart.
660886
Hi there,\nI can somewhat relate to you in a sense that I was in your shoes when my boyfriend (now my husband) was doing the same thing like your wife did.  I think, I forgave him since we're not really together (I was in another state).  Yes, I was grossed out when I heard this and the thought of 2 on 1 is disgusting.  We decided that not to associate with those kind of people, which helps me to cope.  Out of sight, out of mind.   The most important thing about this ordeal is having trust in this person again and make sure that it won't happen again.  Yes, then your can feel more secure and comfortable being with this person again.\nBest wishes,
137994
Your mother is still a human being, she may think you hate her, and imagine if the person you love more than anything started hating you.  How would you feel?  My mother and I have a very rocky past, but In the end, a simply, tear-filled, "I love you" gets the point across.  It sounds like she has her hands full with the house, and is hurt about how you acted.  On the other hand, it also sounds like she isn't quite as forgiving as she should be.  But like I said, she is only human.  I think it is the hardest part of growing up when you find out your mom isn's SuperMom, but a person with her own doubts and feelings.  Hug her, tell her you love her, and walk away.  Just walk away and let her calm down.  Clean a bit, but do it when she isn't looking, since you don't want her to think you are only doing it to get on her good side.  You aren't.  You are doing it because you care...
497077
Its hard with a mother like that i would ask her why she says these things and confront her about it and tell her if she continues to make you feel miserable then you might be better off without her.  Its not always the best thing to do but sometimes you have too
175172
keeping a relationship with his stepdaughter is fine.... its not their fault for what heppened between him and their mother. Keeping a relationship with her AND HAVING DINNER THERE IS WRONG!!!!! I WOULD BE PISSED AND BEAT HIS ASSS OR HER ASSS. He is with you and shouldnt be over there anyways!!!!! tell him how you feel cuz I know I wouldnt put up with that. Hope I helped best of luck!
579917
WOW!!!  Well, the sad thing about the son is that at 24, he's already been affected by her craziness.  Children begin getting affected by these neuroic behaviors at around age 2!!!  The fact that he still lives at home suggests she's been very controlling and he just doesn't have the confidence to move out and be on his own.  First and foremost, get him to move out ASAP.  He needs to see what life is like with normal, healthy people.\n\nCan you have her commited?  You should but you can't.  Unless she's harming people physically.\n\nThis is very frustrating though , I sympathize with you.   I would not answer  your phone anytime the caller ID doesn't come out,  If they want to talk to you, they'll leave a message.  Just do this for a while and she will get tired of getting your VM, she'll get sick of calling.  She is obviously beyond desparate for attention.  \n\nWow, I'm curioius as to what your parents are like and how you ended up with such a loony toone for a sister!!!!! You seem very grounded~
638827
i can tell you one thing, i have been in your shoes. when my husband and i first got together his mom and his sister hated me. and that was ok because the feeling was mutual. he basicaly looked at his mom and told her "hey this is the girl i want to be with, forever, and if you don't like it that to f** bad. " His mom wasn't very happy with this. he moved out of the house and moved in with me. She only saw him on holidays because he didn't want anything to do with her if she wasn't going to accept me. And yes i know it has to do with "taking away her baby boy" blah blah blah. His mom didn't like me until 2 yrs later when i gave birth to her granddaughter. Mind you, we were already married. So my advice to you is be kind, be nice and take it with a grain of salt. If he loves you then he will be the one to step up and say somethig to his family. He'll be a man about the situation and explain to everyone that you are the one for him and they need to accept you and respect you and the relationship that he has with you. Good Luck!
177850
Mamma knows best, kinda thing.  Its hard for them to see us grow up and move away, it hurts them, while this is a joyous time for you guys, part of  your mom is realizing that your leaving the nest and she is sad.  While her controlling things annoys you, perhaps she sees this as a last chance sort of thing.  Humor her as much as you can, and try to be understand ing.  Sit down and let your mother know that although you are starting a new life with your soon to be husband (CONGRATS CONGRATS) she will ALWAYS be a apart of you and your life.  Tell her that no matter what you love her, and need her and want her in your life.  Because the real issue is the fact that your mom is hurting over what she considers "loosing her baby".  Your problem may be control, but her problem is far greater.  You obviously have a mom who loves you more than anything, so your off to a great start, just try to talk to her, reassure her that your not "leaving her" she is not loosing a daughter but GAINING a son!!  Best of luck to you, have a happy happy life.  God Bless your family and marriage!!
471030
sounds like a typical mother in law. Nothing you say or do will help. The best advice i can give would be to try not to let her get to you. I think it is a mother in laws job to make our lives miserable. If she doesnt think she is bothering you maybe that will stop her. So, just ignore it and dont stress on it,
172949
pick and choose your battles. life is too short to bicker over ridiculous sh*t. when he is being an a** kill him with kindness or act like you can't be bothered with his silly commentary. problem is you all are around each other 24/7 and you'll drive each other nuts no matter how compatible. if you can be be apart for several hours out of the day or go stay at your mom's over nite it'll make you all miss each other and realize the good things about each other. but seriously you need to get some wheels and get your independence back! that'll make a huge difference!good luck!
269661
You don't ... yet. You may want to think long and hard about why your family hates him. We have a 17 year old daughter, and there have been people that we've told her not to bring to our house again. That doesn't mean she doesn't hang out with them anymore ... we're not stupid ... but they aren't allowed around us because they disrespected us and our home. \n\nIf you know why your family hates him and the issue cannot be resolved, you may want to try and keep this to yourself until you're in a position to move out of the house. A good, smart parent knows deep down that once a child turns 17 they're pretty much going to make their own decisions regardless of what we think or how we feel about it. It's a natural progression.
429138
My mum use to do this.\nIf my boyfriend called she's pick up another phone and listen in.  If she answered she'd tell him i was too busy to talk or not home.  If I rang him she'd keep coming up to me telling me to hurry up.  \nI don't think it's that she didn't like him but that she needed to feel she was in control of me.  (She's always been a bit like that) When we talk about it now (I've long since moved out and got married) She can justify her actions.  She still doesn't see that it was rude or inappropriate.\nI probably think living out of home is best for you at the moment.  It'll show her that you can make good choices and even if you don't it'll show her that you could pick up the pieces and were old enough to not be so dependant on her.
448605
You are a good mom and my heart goes out to you, that's horrible.  Well, you have to pray for starters, ask God to take care of this for you.  And LISTEN.  That's the best thing you can do for those kids is let them vent, let them have a comforting place in your home......sounds like you provide that already so good on you.  That woman needs some serious couselling.  I'm afraid she won't change unless she decides to OR unless everyone involved can clear their head, be ready and strong, and STAND UP TO HER TOGETHER.  She's picking on her daughter because she can, that's what bullys do.  It will be hard but if you all stand together and tell her her ways are unacceptable, she may get worse for a while or she may not speak to anyone for a while, but she will be forced to think long and hard about it.  From there, the choice is hers.  She does not have the right to cause this much grief to all of you and she needs to decide to stop, or spend the rest of her life without you all.  Your son and daughter in law are blessed to have you, good luck.
273476
i was in your almost same situattion i was 17 (pregnant) he was 31. I lived in Nh i ran away to NYC. He got very possesive than that turned to abuse. Go back to your family, you dont knpw what you are putting them through. Atleast let them knoe that you are ok to let them know you are alive. I did see my mom for year & half & she wasnt mad please let them know you are ok. Do you know what its like to have the FBI contact your family saying they have a teenage girl that matches their daughters description. well thats what happened to my mom & i regret the hell i put her through. If i could only do it over. I now have a daughter & hope she never puts me through what i put my mom through.\nremember family is forever. please go back & if you need anyone to talk to email me.
101101
I would be only of his mother, otherwise, just remember your all adults and it is your home.  Don't worry, if he loves you he will hender his parents from picking on you. \n\n\nGOOD LUCK
401547
You both sound very much in love. How about asking him to move and buying/renting his mom a place close by, that way you'll be in your comfort zone and able to deal with her from a distance; and enable him to move? I think you're going to have to accept the fact that he'll never want his mom out of his life...as annoying as it is; the package comes with it.