im a 24yr old female and im dating a 38 yr old married man..we have been togther for 4 yrs now. we have our ups and downs with the relationship..yesterday we got into the biggest fight ever..we said some things to each other that hurt us..i ment wat i had said but he said all the things he said about me were only cuz he was mad not because he ment it..and then we made up and did it..why is it that everytime we fight thats how he thinks we patch things up..i just hate having that kind of s.. does this happen in all relationships or just mine?
217663
You are kidding right.\nThat is a very natural way of non verbal reconnection. It is both partners opening to each other. You talked, made up, and are now going to another level.\nYou really do not understand he is trying to make up and reconnect with you. He feels that with intimate physical contact you both will grow closer.\nI think you are with the wrong person. You do not find the act of intamite physical contact a non verbal way of reconnecting to your partner. He does and is trying to get closer to you. \nIf you do not want physical contact with your partner after a fight and make up, you better tell them when you first start dating.
323592
Wow. Simliar to what I'm going through but except with cheating with the brother. I'm 20 and I noticed that since me and my ex bf had a age gap of nearly 12 years it was hard for us to work out our problems. He loves you and he doesn't want to lose you. Maybe your husband and his brother should talk this matter over. There might be rage but it's better then losing someone that you may never see again due to unforeseen future ahead of one. Before me and my ex ended our relationship I told him about how hurt I was that he treated me like "shit". He took the time to understand what he was doing to hurt me. You can try talking it over with him. If matters aren't resolve, I think it would be wise to end the relationship and move on. It's wrong for you to have to put up with his "shit". I'm truly sorry that you are going through this but we do learn from our mistakes. Good luck.
370257
Yes, don't fight. It takes 2 to argue. You can't manipulate how someone is going to act or control any outcomes. You can only control yourself and act with integrity and love. Just be genuine with one another. Don't be afraid to be the 1st to apologize.  It is NOT fair, but that is love. That is love.  Yes, things sound strong, just TESTED between the two of you. Here are some good vibes and blessings from me to you that things go well!\n\nI know how you feel... I had a big blow out with my sweetie this morning. He apologized and so did I.  At least you two expressed hurt that comes from CARING, not hurt from NOT CARING.\n\nPeace.
55362
Marriage is a big decision.  Perhaps your fight has caused him to reexamine the relationship.  This is a good thing -- if more people slowed down and examined their relationships to determine whether or not they were compatible before jumping into marriage, we might have a lower divorce rate.  What he is doing is being cautious and you can't fault him for that.  He still cares for you.  He just wants to make sure you are the one.
348946
I am married and I got married when I was 22 and my husband was 20. My advice to you would be this, pray and seek the Lord if you believe in Jesus Christ. Also, I would say that, anything worth fighting for is worth having so if you really love this man and know that y'all are meant to be together, then it is worth fighting. Another thing is don't let people bring you garbage about your relationship, or your boyfriend, and something I had to learn is that misery loves company. I hope this advice helps you out to some degree.
427705
If anyone ever tells you that they do not fight in a relationship...do not believe them.  As long as your communication is there and you work through the arguements - you will be fine.  Just do your best to not bring up the past, no name calling, no physical abuse, no destroying property.  It's OK to argue just do it constructively.  You both need to listen to what the other is saying.  You will be fine.  Good Luck!
611569
in any relationship its going to be that way. some days you both will be madly in love with each other...other days youll have to worst argument of your life and maybe wont even talk to each other. no couple can stay together without little arguments or even big ones here and there. every fight you both will have will only make the relationship stronger...sometimes it may even tare a relationship apart. it just all depends on what each of you wants out of one another...and how much the other one is willing to give.\n\n-stephanie
373665
No, it's not bull crap.  People get involved in their own lives and take each other for granted.  It then becomes a chore to relate to them and feels like it's not worth the effort.\n\nHow do I know?  I've been married for 11 years and just went through the growing apart thing, to the point where we were ready for divorce.  We decided to give it one more try, and we are.  We are working on our marriage and working on being more tolerant and caring.  So far, so good.  I found that the person that I fell in love with is still inside him.  It was just covered up with years of problems and arguments and everyday life.\n\nI wish you luck too.
621011
Hey I just wanted to say thank you for your response to my question, I think it really helped and it wasn't mean. I also think that you are right, he called me this morning and told me that he was knocked out and didnt get up until 12:30 or so. I guess it is still taking me some time to really relax and trust him but I think your response was the best. As far as your situation, my boyfriend is actually 28 and im 18 so yeah, think about that one lol. Thats 10 years older then me, but he loves me and I love him and its been the best relationship I've ever been in. I think true love prevails over age and just as long as you guys can respect each other and love eachother and probably give her some time to also grow, you guys will be just find. Age is really just a number I just feel like sometimes our decisions or the stage that we are at life can sometimes conflict. Just make sure you two continue to communicate and understand eachothers needs and wants to go about things the right way. G-luck.
341730
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
140933
arguments are arguments. I've had many in my 6 years. The bigger person (stronger) needs to step up and patch things up...FAST! the last thing you want is a argument to carry on for too long. That will cause a ripple effect and cause serious damage to a relationship. After things are patched up be sure to 'talk' about it, that way that situation can be avoided. As long as the argument is not about cheating than you and him will be A-OK!!
34721
It sounds like he's feeding you a line.  Are you sure he's not just saying he wants to get back together?  It's been my experience that a little fighting once in a while is OK.  You don't want to fight all the time, but every now and then it's just fine, plus making up is great fun:)  If he's really that afraid of a little conflict maybe he's not the right guy for you.  Find yourself someone who's mature enough to know that a real relationship is not just a bed of roses.  There will be rough spots and bumps in the road, but as long as you take the journey together then you're fine.
162998
Whew! Whatever the fight was about really isn't the problem now. It's the fact that it's important to you and not to him. Men and women view these things differently. It used to be that way for me and my husband. We would fight and when it was over, for him it was over. For me, I wanted to discuss what the problem was. It has improved dramatically over the years. Our communication has improved and we generally don't fight like that anymore.\n\nYou don't say how old you are but I'm willing to bet you're fairly young. I'll bet the stress of planning this vacation has got you both worn out. You need to take a deep breath and ask yourself just how important this is to you. You say it was a silly fight. Sounds like you need to forgive and forget. Give him a big hug and pack for your exciting honeymoon vacation! You've got your whole lives ahead of you. God Bless!
166380
Yeah, unfortunately, some people thrive on fighting. Or look at your relationship, how long have you been together?? Is he trying to get you to break up with him so he doesn't have to be the bad guy?? Did you do something he hasn't forgiven you for?? If he always has to fight with you then I'm guessing he's not the type to talk about it. Are you?? What do YOU want?? Are you happy like this?? Try talking to him
518908
i would talk to him and explain your feelings. My husband and I used to play fight and when things gor out of hand I think he thought I was able to handle the come back, because I was willing to play. Men often forget how strong they are. Once I explained to my husband he was hurting me everything changed.
419109
You are too sensitive.  Even though he was joking he still was somewhat sincere considering it is a very logical question.  Maybe you are taking his comment too seriously because deep inside yourself you know he is somewhat right and it hurts.  Either way, if you take everything he says so seriously and personally you are going to be one unhappy woman as he is not perfect and can't always be wrong about everything.  Disagreements in relationships are common, healthy and expected.  To be able to workout those disagreements together is what creates a great compatible relationship.  Try not to worry so much about such small things and be thankful for the wonderful life and family you have.  Good Luck & God Bless!
575172
Some times a relationship just isn't made for the long haul.  I think it sounds like you two have had a good run but the relationship has reached its end point.  Maybe it is time to end this so that both of you can move forward with your lives.  If you keep going like this eventually you are going to end up hating each other and you are both going to miss out on other opportunities in life.