My husband and i are recently seperated and he has had a breakdown over it and is in hospital.  I want to get on with my life and move with new boyfriend and husband is still hoping we will get back together, i keep telling him its not going to happen to many years of him and his verbal abuse i dont love him like that anymore.  i feel horrible for him and what he is going through but im not willing to live the rest of my life unhappy and i dont think i should have to just because i feel sorry for him.  But how do i make him understand everytime i even mention it he starts to cry.
209962
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
595155
I wish that I could tell you a wonderful answer where everything will be great, BUT I know how you feel, I was an abused child and married when I had just turned 17.  Well he started reminding me of my Mother before long.  I had no family, no one but his family as my friends, I had no place to go, so I stayed, It became very clear that he didn't love me, but I was so afraid.  But after 19 years I packed up and left, scared out of my mind, but you know what even though it was hard, lonely, I learned so much about myself, most of all I learned that life is to short to spend it with someone that makes you so sad, and doesn't treat you like a lover, friend or partner but more like something that they bought and paid for like an old car, then it is time to build a life that can be happier than you could ever imagine.  Even small things can make you smile or just laugh out loud especially when you have always been controled or felt like you were going to get in trouble for.  Like I would leave the bed unmade, didn't have to cook, and on Sat. morning I would lay in bed until 2 if that is what I wanted to do.  And I will tell you when you can go and come when you please and you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you too may find that life can be happy and full of good, instead of a life filled  with mostly bad and a little good every now and then.  Please take it from a woman that has been there no one can do this for you but you.  And somethings are so worth the risk.  And remember this, I had a friend one time tell me how stong I was, when I said no I am weak, she said look at what you have already been through, anything else should be a breeze.
265541
Moving on is hard for him so be gentle.  Men don't like to feel rejected - actually nobody likes it.  I was schooled in Social Work and the key to letting someone down easy is making it about you. Say-"I need time to heal, to build your self esteem, to breathe, to be a better person, to experience life, to find myself" - are always good choices.  Let him know that this is not about him, but you really need your space and you don't want to be commited right now.  \n\nYou cannot be good for him if you need to work on yourself.  Now if he was abusive (emotionally or physically previously)-let him know that his time has passed.  If all else fails just simply say that you never go back.  You've grown.
386855
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
120302
HAVE YOU TRIED TELLING HIM HOW YOU FEEL!? LETTING GO IS NEVER EASY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR AROUND ONE ANOTHER ALL THE TIME!! BUT, AS A WISE PERSON ONCE SAID, "WHAT DOESN'T KILL US WILL MAKE US STRONGER" AN I BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE! I THINK YOU OUGHT TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER ALL TOGETHER UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN(SURE LET HIM COME TO DR. APPT. AN STUFF) BUT AS FAR AS SEEING ONE ANOTHER DON'T DO IT! THIS WAY IT WILL GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU NEED TO GET OVER HIM AN HE CAN STILL BE INVOLVED IN THE BABIES LIFE!!! AN THEN AFTER THE BABY IS BORN AN IF YOU STILL FEEL THE NEED TO BE AWAY FROM HIM THEN TELL HIM! THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF PARENTS RAISING THEIR CHILDREN WITHOUT HAVING TO BE AROUND ONE ANOTHER! I KNOW THIS CAN'T BE EASY FOR YOU(BEING PREGNANT) AN ALL!! BUT, I WISH YA THE BEST AN HOPE THAT MY ADVICE CAN BE SOME HELP TO YOU! IF YA WANT YOU CAN EMAIL ME AN I'LL TRY TO HELP ANYWAY I CAN!!!\n\n\nBEST OF LUCK!!!
262375
I am also going through a break up right now. My BF of 4.5 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I was happy with him and he was happy with me, but he didn't know what he wanted out of life, blah, blah, blah. He still loves me and I still love him, so I have hope that we will get back together, but I'm not holding my breath.\n\nI too went through the depressed stage. I found that writing in a journal about how I felt helped alot. It let me get my feelings out without being overly emotional in front of other people. \n\nI am now in the angry stage, where I'm just so mad at him for doing this to me. \n\nI've heard that grief has many stages. My advice to you is to not make contact with him. If he calls don't answer and maybe wait a couple of hours to call him back. Make him think that you don't care.\n\nI wish you the best of luck.\n\n(((((HUGS)))))
309188
Your husband has put a huge strain on your marriage and you just finally had it, and now that you took it serious he wants to try. I don't blame you one bit. Counseling can help when two people love each other and their just having problems where they both want to work out. But he is a mental and physical abuser. He needs counseling by himself first to face his demons. But if you don't love him anymore then you just don't, you can't stay with someone you don't love and counseling is not going to make you love him. It's not only that you don't love him you probably don't even like him either. Feelings can come back when you see a change in a person but you have so much resentment towards him it's not going to take your healing awhile. That man has done some serious damage and that's hard to heal. I know everyone wants that everlasting marriage but you never think your spouse is going to turn on you, no one knows what the future has to hold for them when it comes to their marriage. Sorry this is happening to you, I wish all the luck and girl stand your ground, you'll be just fine.
260734
Im sure you have been hurt once or twice in your live and as you know it takes time to get over that feeling.Just give him time but dont give up on him,shower him with attention,kindness,and love but dont smother him.Give him sometime to heal and breath but let him know in as many ways as you can that you are there for him and that you will love him,must of all is time heals all wounds.
343513
Ugh...what a mess. Look, no one is perfect and there are a ton of people on here who will tell you what a bad person you are because of this scenario. First and foremost, please remember no one has the right to judge you. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone hurts people...nobody is above this. Please don't listen to all the horrible words posted here. It doesn't make you a "bad" person...but you are troubled and confused and this situation is only going to lead to so much hurt and pain for so many people, especially the kids. I hate to say this, but most likely he will stay with his wife. I know you love him and can't imagine a life without him, but you have to right now. You're both obviously in marriages that aren't working. This is where you need to focus your efforts right now. If you're so in love with him wouldn't you want him fully devoted to you? I thought so. And if he truly loves you, then he'll want to be with YOU and only you. For your own health, well-being and safety, stay away from this right now. If there's any hope for the two of you, it will be later on when all the issues have been dealt with and all the pain has healed. I wish you all the best.
469035
I know it's hard because I know how you feel sort of!  I haven't had the same problems but I got married quite young.  I'm an American so I didn't start parting till I was 21 and got married at 22.  I sometimes watch shows about Ibiza and so on and like why can't I go there?  Plus, I have problems in my head from High School and everytime I try to talk to my husband he is like "Your'll get over it!"  Still he knows when I need to talk and he'll listen.  So sent down with you husband and tell him what is going on before you get depressed!
399403
I think l know exactly where you are coming from. My husband and l did separate. I guess it was both of our faults for one reason or another, but our main problem l think was lack of communication. We are back together again now and try to discuss everything. Sometimes it is really hard to tell your partner how you really feel, but as we can not read each others minds we must all learn to talk about our problems or they just  get all blown out of proportion and before you know it we have huge problems.There is no point begging him for anything, but please try and get him to sit down and atleast listen to what you have to say. Pour your heart out to him if you have to, make sure you get everything off your chest and atleast then you can honestly say  you gave it your all. If he still chooses to leave atleast you know in your heart  that you did your very best to work things out. No-one can expect you to do more than that. Hope everything works out well for you. Good Luck.
15818
Your partner might feel the same way.  Don’t be afraid.  Try to have a leave headed discussion.  Don’t drag in past fights.  Be fair, let them know you still care but that you are suffering and you know they are too.  You want them to be happy and you want happiness for yourself.  I hope this helps.
45279
You need to tell your husband exactly what you posted here in a nice non-confrontational way because when we need some empathy they are thinking about ways to fix whatever is bothering you. Or they are trying to let you know they feel you are wrong in your thinking and how to fix that.\n\nHonestly they just don't know, they just want to fix it for you.\n\nMy husband did that and I told him, I don't need judgement, or for you to fix this. I need you to just listen and even if I say something totally irrational I need you to agree and just let me vent. If I need you to help me fix a problem or a need a solution I will ask you that, but right now I just need you to be supportive.\n\nAfter I told him that he has been very empathetic, and a wonderful support system in everything! :D
652213
Make a time to sit down and talk with him---try to do this with as few distractions as possible. Find out what kind of support he wants. Since he's complaining, insist that he be specific. After you've listened to him, then make sure he listens to you. Be specific about the support you are providing, and also tell him your needs. This is your turn to be specific. Write everything down, compare lists, and try to come up with compromises. This might help disarm the negative emotions. Just because he's in pain, doesn't mean he should be disrespectful and ungrateful. You can be sympathetic for his pain, and still take up for yourself. You and your husband are modeling an adult relationship for your children.
649228
don't runaway from yourself...try to face your problems...everything is in your mind...good or bad...if you don't want to do something nobody can help you...life's worth living...I know there are ways of dealing with problems but you are you a solution to my problem may not be the one for yours...try to see your innerself...the real you behind the borders...anger...sadeness...be honest to yourself...feel your power...try to find out the real reason that makes you feel this way...don't hide yourself ...the only thing that matters is you...if you are not happy you can not make anyone happy...you say you don't care about yourself,you don't like yourself....but you love your husband and this means you have love in your heart and this means you are a good person because you care about your husband and his feelings...you know you want to feel good...maybe it's easy to say I don't like myself but I feel you do like yourself so you write here and ask for help...if you are angry with someone try talking to him/her.you say that your mother has depression too and she didn't care about you...this is a bad thing isn't it not be cared by your mother but worst thing would be that you become just like someone you don't want to be...maybe you see yourself as if you are like your mother...you don't want to be in depression so try ...it may not be easy or fast to heal but it is not impossible ...sure you can...I feel you can...good luck.believe in yourself..you are a gift !
482574
the sooner you convince yourself that you refuse to feel agitated over something that has no future anyway, the sooner your broken heart would heal. i suggest whenever you miss him, remind yourself that he left without even saying goodbye to marry some bitch and that you should be mad for that. also, try to focus on the good side of your husband, appreciate what you have instead of wishing  for something that's not yours and would never be yours.
582865
No you have needs as well and you have to make him aware of them. Sometimes guys we don't catch on to sublte hint then three months from now we come home she's crying and we can't figure out why. Then you unlaod everything that you've had bottled up for the last 5 months and the whole time he could really be clueless. Let him know what your thinking and why and see what he says, but assuming is never the way to go. You just moved in so establishing communication is key. Here is you first chance to do so. I hope it all works out well.