I have two kids w/ my soon to be ex and I'm dating a man about to have his first child in May.  He wants to be a part of the childs life but doesn't want to be w/ her.  He says two wrongs won't make a right and that he loves me more than anything.  I'm scared she will try to give him the ultimatem of his kid or his girlfriend.  I know I would choose my children over anyone.  Am I just being a worry wart or should I just have faith in the man of my dreams?
199087
If he doesn't want to be with her she should understand that and be a woman, she should also stop using there kids as a crutch he can be with you and his children without sacrificing or neglecting anyone it will just take some hard work and time on both parts. but seeing both parents aren't adults it will be considerably hard. goodluck.
616211
Ooh...what a mess! Ok, first, should have waited a little longer to cohabitate. Now that makes it hard on you, your boyfriend and your son. All things in due time, my dear. Next, I do have some good news here...you'll probably always love your son's father in some small way because he shared with you an experience no one else has, which is creating your child together. This will change with more time, though I can't say if your feelings for your boyfriend will change. I loved my ex dearly but he wasn't in love with me. He accidentally got me pregnant and we both decided it was for the best for me to have an abortion. We're still great friends ever since we broke up, but that will always tie us together, even though no one else knows what truly bonded us. It took me time but I didn't move on until I was really ready and it sounds like you did. You're also really young and you already have a child so a lot of this could stem from those early 20's feelings of newfound independence and sowing wild oats. Only you can decide. Take some time for yourself and figure out what it is you really want. Once you clear your head, you might realize you do love this man, or you might soundly be able to declare to yourself that you don't. Remember that love takes time to build and establish, and you haven't been with this new guy for too terribly long. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.
658179
it honestly sounds as if he wants you and his kids to get to know each other and maybe even bond which would mean he wants to move to the next level with you but as a parent he needs to make sure his kids are ok with you  if you really like this guy and want to be serious with him this is a really good thing  \nhowever it almost sounds as if the kids are his "baggage" in your eyes   you need to decide if you want to be a part of a ready made family  and if not maybe you should move on   because to a real parent the kids will always be first priority   can you handle that?
182906
Its very possible that your boyfriend doesn't want another child at this time and is happy with the current situation.  Truth be told, unless you want to leave your boyfriend and form a relationship with another man, I don't think pursuing a baby with him is a good idea now.  If he is avoiding the baby discussion, then I think you know how he probably feels about it.  If he WANTED another child, I think he would be initiating the dialogue with you.  I would not give any weight to the fact that your cousins have more kids than you do or that you daughter is an only child.  Having a baby to give your first child a friend is a poor reason to get pregnant.  You have to do what is right for your family unit and your situation.  So are your feelings based on envy or the biological clock?  Its very likely that they are, but this is one decision that SHOULDN'T be made on emotion.  The question you may have to ask yourself is whether ahaving nother child is worth losing your boyfriend over.
202355
I am the same way that you are, the guy I am with is the one for me as well, and we also have a baby on the way. But my jealousy and Insecurity did kind of hurt us, because things are not the same right now, and we are both trying to get back to the way we were, because we both really love each other, and do not want to lose one another, plus we want to because of the baby. I had to learn the hard way to not be that way, because he would never do anything to hurt me. So the best advice I can give you, is just dont let your jealousy get in the way, I mean it isnt going to go away, just dont let it get the best of you, because he will either change (not for the good), or he will end up leaving you. I had a bad past too, and this guy I am with is PERFECT for me, so just try your hardest to let go of your past, and tell yourself that this is your present, and can also be your future if you just let all the bad stuff go. Trust me, I do not wanna be the jealous type anymore either, but it is just something that is hard to get rid of. If he has been able to handle it this long, then he is a great guy, my boyfriend put up with it for a LONG time, but theres only so much one guy can take, so please stop while you are ahead. I hope this helps some.
452208
It depends a lot on the guy.  I was the 1st girl my boyfriend ever dated that had kids.  He had refused up to that point to date a woman that had kids, or who had been divorced.  He contends the kids are why he is reluctant to go further than date me.  We have been together for 6 yrs.  But some guys absolutely love kids, and are ready to start a family.  You have to play it by ear and always tell the truth about those sorts of things.
171193
He has a baby by another before he met you. Her and the baby move away. Now she back in your boyfriends life in a big way. I see how he is close to his child more fathers should be that way. Nothing is wrong with him spending time with his baby. On the another hand the babys mother should not use the child to take your man away from you right now. She is wrong for and her payback will come soon trust me on that. You cant use a child to keep a man from moving on with a new woman. She is the stuid one for that. All out the she just up and wants him back no damn reason. Has she come at you with something. Ask me he really needs to choose not between you and his child but you and his baby's mom. Baby mom is acting like a real bitch. If he really cares about you then he can be with you and his baby without his baby's mom popping up with all her got damn fucking drama. I got a point to what I saying and I know you can find it too. Now more that I can do for you now. From here on out step up and say what you feel to the both of them. Never give up without a fight. It will not be simple but you will make a way to go. Its a rock and a hard place for not only him but now for you as well.
431067
My thoughts he's not committed to you. He sees your children as your responsibility and not his.\nI dated a girl with children before and ended up being able to give her a break by taking her son to ice cream, or the park to launch rockets. It made her heart soar to see that we could have a good time and give her a break from it all.\nIf he's not willing to buy into the idea of loving you through your children, he's not going to be able to committ further.
239214
I would. I will do anything for my daughters and my son and I know there is no chance of us getting together. Now, I know that's not what you meant, but the type of love you have for this person needs to change to the same type of love that you would have for your family members. I say that because I don't want you to miss out on having someone love you the way you love them and it sounds like you love this person very much to put their happiness over your own. But don't you think there is someone out there that deserves that type of love? And more importantly, don't you think you deserve to be loved like that? Continue being there for this person, but keep your eyes open for that other person out there that's waiting not only for your love but to love YOU in return....
259823
If a man had 3 children by 2 ex wives and was a good father to them, then no I wouldn't be put off. If he was a single parent due to an unfortunate circumstance absolutely not I'd still would trying dating him. BUT if he's a male whose a baby daddy (regardless of race, age, or income) of 2 different women then that would definitely put me off. Especially if his 3 children are very close in age that makes me question his respect for women, his children, his views on relationships and safe sex, also if he's a man (achieved status) or a male (ascribed status).
447751
Unfortunately this is the way it is when you date a man with children and he has custody. What else can he do, he must take care of the children. This would be a very difficult thing to deal with however, you are really going to have to take a serious look at the whole picture and be honest with yourself. Is this something you are willing to deal with. It will and must be a great deal of acceptance and understanding on your part. Good luck and God bless
159873
I have dated several times since I started having children. My first priority is my family. I would never chose a man over them so I am always honest from the beginning that they come first and are most important.\nNo man meets my family until I am comfortable with him and feel like it is the right fit. We have been through enough no reason for them to get attached to someone just to be hurt again. Sure of course something may happen the relationship doesnt work out. But I need to be comfortable in it before my baby meets the man.\nSo the man always knows about them...they do not know about him right away.\nThe only REAL difference I see in dating is I can not just up and go out. I very rarely leave my children with a sitter (ummmmm....ummmmm I remember once and that was a GOOD friend otherwise the only couple of other times its been family) so its not like I can just plan a hot Friday evening out Friday morning.\nMost guys are accepting and even love that I have a family and am very family orientated
213752
If you get with this guy, I'm afraid he will disappoint you. How can you feel comfortable with someone who obviously has lied to you, do not respect his vows, turning his back on his kids, and deny or acknowledge his children's existence to you? What he is doing to wife, he is going to do to you once he gets bored. People show us who they truly are and sometimes we dismiss it because of the false picture of them or we depend too much for a guy to make us happy instead of making ourselves happy. You need to work on your self esteem if you think this is and will lead to a good relationship. You are worth more than being deceived and second choice.
31293
Keep the faith & keep wanting. There's nothing wrong with wanting "that someone special" to love you & your children - I know. I'd say keep going slowly with this gentleman & give it time. It really is great when you can begin as friends & the rest follows because when the years pass & ya'll settle down from red-hot passion, you've got a friend who will make you laugh & smile & will care for you, the real you. Also, I think it's great that you are keeping your children in the picture, part of the package. They're the most important things in your life & they are (believe it or not) affected by whomever you bring home, too. Stay strong & keep true to yourself.
122511
If you plan on being a major part of this man's life than you will also be a part of his child's life.. His ex has to deal with the fact that they are not together. You shouild meet her because she has every right to know who he has around her child and who is a part of her child's life. But when you do meet her don't be disrespectful and try to understand where she is coming from. Tell her that you are not trying to take her place. Don't upset yourself(most important) and you really don't want to do anything that would jeoparadize you boyfriend's relationship with his child. "Baby Momma" relationships are hard to deal with because they have a child, they have a bond. If you really feel for him then try your best but his chils should always come first. Good Luck and sorry for wrapping you up!
63388
Ishamael has a very good point, but it sounds to me like you are the one hinting to him (to feel him out, about kids) you were just not sure what his answer means, I mean come on if it were just a dream, why even tell him, UNLESS... you wanted to he what his reaction was. If you are dating him, just ask him what he means, it is much easier that way!
90754
I am a mother and wife, and an ex-wife. I "left" my children's' biological father because he was abusive and a closet drug abuser. The "value" of my family was and still is everything to me. Just because I put my children's' lives and best interests in front of my own personal feelings doesn't mean that family has no value to me.....it means that I did what I had to do to make a better life for my family. And my ex. had every opportunity to see his children but thought and still thinks that there are things in life more important....how sad for him. Maybe you should look into your legal options in your state as far as visitation with your child goes....and I wish you well with that because every child deserves to have two parents that love and care for them. As far as the "women" that left you because of petty little things....well maybe you should re-evaluate your decisions on whom you date.