I'm getting married in May to my beautiful Mexican girlfriend who fortunately does not know this user name.  I've done really well about not looking at other girls, at least when she's around. Why can't I shut this part of brain down now that I'm getting married? I just want to find one girl attractive from now on, but it will be hard. What should my thought process be when I see a gorgeous girl? Is it okay to just look and not fantasize? I've been doing it since I was 12, so i'm in a bad habit of 18 years.
213319
I think that it's fine to look.  It's not like you're lusting after these women and taking them home.  It's natural to look.  I think that when you do not allow a guy or girl to look at others then it creates more temptation and desire to cheat.  My husband and I look at others together.  Often times I mention the girl before he even has a chance.  People are beautiful and their forms shouldn't be ignored just because you are married.  Looking at others helps to arouse you and help you to appreciate what you have even more.  I say keep on looking.  As long as it's not in excess, and you are providing your girlfriend with all of the love and affection you can muster what does it matter if you catch a glimpse of someone else's butt?  You're going home with her not that miscellaneous rear.
567555
It depends, are you comfortable asking questions. Men are very visual. As long as he is not breaking his neck I wouldn't trip. I used to play a game and pick out an attractive woman for my boyfriend(s) to look at. My fiancee told me flat out that he didn't think that it was a good idea. He still looks and it doesn't bother me. \nIf you are really uncomfortable about talking about it. Start looking at other guys, just casually enough for him to notice. He will notice and perhaps he will bring it up. My fiancee did!!! We still have long discussions about it. Its not a sore spot, just another way to get to know each other.\nAlso know that all men look, most are very discreet. Where as if women are happy we don't give other men a second thought.
163243
Consider that most people find two or three people in their lives that could be a "soul mate". In other words, once you are married, you will be tempted at least once or twice by a viable alternative. However, that's only once or twice in your life, which, should take about 90 or so years. So, don't expect to find that person in 7 months. Learn to live on your own, and that person will come to you. Furthermore, women generally are not attracted to men who are looking. For some odd reason, they are only attracted to guys that are perfectly happy being single. So, either become that, or learn to give off the impression that you aren't looking. Btw, I wrote a book on the subject. Shoot me an email and I'll send you an old draft of the manuscript.
427914
I know how you feel. I dated my first girlfriend for a year. Now I am married and my husband and I both check out the cute women walking down the street. He thinks its hot. We have even thought of bringing other women into bed with us. Though so far we haven't.
190559
It's not your fault that your a pretty person, and don't worry about those pervs. Don't stop being attractive. It's who you are and how you think about yourself that really matters.
42153
you are so right to look for the beauty underneath, and do not worry what anyone says, if you think she is beautiful, she is! and, if she is the right one for you, she will not stop looking into your eyes for any reason. she will not even have to speak to you, just give you that look, as if there is no one else in the room.
666090
You didn't say but isn't the reason why she went celibate have something to do with you two getting married in the next year or so.  If so, you can make it.  It won't be long.  Keep your head up, you can do it.
612315
A good personallity is a must!  If after you get married and you turn into a nag, or a pain, then it will be a sufferable marriage, but if you have a great personallity, then there is a good possibility that you wont be like that.\n\nBody is optional.  With time and kids, your body will undergo changes for the worse, so whats in a body but the mind, and the personallity.  \n\nEvery pretty girl, loses her looks when they get older...its called maturity.. (Though, some with plastic surgery will keep it or enhance it, but, its not them, its vanity then).\n\nA natural, wholesome girl is the best thing in life!  Some one you can take home to his mother!  Not much make up on, no phoniness about her, just what you see is what you got, and thats the best type of marrying kind around!\n\nA girl that is "high and mighty" about herself, is a loser and will get a  loser husband.  If she puts on "airs", then she is not true to herself, others and everyone will tire of her phoniness eventually, and she will lose her friends that she ever made.\n\nI wish you well...\n\nJesse
289416
IT' S NATURAL TO BE ATTRACTED TO OTHER FEMALES, BUT TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU ARE SINGLE IS JUST DISHONEST TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR GIRLDFRIEND.\n\nI THINK YOU SHOULD STAY CLEAR OF SITUATIONS THAT PUT YOU IN THIS POSITION OR JUST BE HONEST UP FRONT AND DON'T EXCHANGE TOO MUCH INFORMATION WITH OTHER FEMALES- JUST TELL THEM YOU THINK THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, BUT YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU ARE HAPPILY COMMITTED TO. FOR THE MOST PART A RESPECTFUL FEMALE WILL STOP THERE AND NOT TRY TO STEP INTO YOUR GIRLFRIENDS POSITION.\n\nIT'S UP TO YOU TO LET OTHER FEMALES KNOW YOUR POSITION AND WHERE YOU STAND .\n\nYOU SHOULD ALSO SEEK COUNCILING OR GUIDANCE BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED TO MAKE SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU. YOU MAY BE ONE OF THOSE MEN WHO ALWAYS CHECK IF THEY STILL "GOT IT" WHERE THEY ATTRACT THE OPPOSITE SEX. NO MATTER WHAT- DON'T HURT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S FEELINGS- SHE MAY THINK YOU CHEATING \n\nGOOD LUCK
446989
Okay, I do see both sides of the story here.  In my opinion, sexual attractiveness IS important in the marriage and I think it's only right that each spouse make themselves attractive to each other.  Thank God this is a non issue in our marriage as my husband and I are both very active physically but your wife is also right.  You should love her unconditionally no matter what.  Though this doesn't mean that if she gains 100 lbs you would still find her attractive.\n\nNow think about this scenario.  What if she got into a terrible accident and her face and body got  disfigured as a result.  Would you still love her then?
152173
#1, how was your tone?  did it sound like a programmed response, did you look at her before you said it?\n\ntell her you think she is *BEAUTIFUL*\n\nnot Hot, not Sexy, but Beautiful, and mean it.\n\nshe could just be having a girl day, we're allowed to have those every so often, it's probably not you.
57838
If looks are important to you in a sexually intimate relationship, then they will be important to you if you plan to spend a lot of time in the marriage bed.  I have learned that people who say "I don't care what you look like" and have sex with you usually have very poor self images, and have had to deny a certain physical part of the relationship because of it.  I can feel the flack I am going to get by saying it, but it's what I truly think.  \n\nBUT there ARE people who genuinely don't give a crap about what a sexual partner looks like.  If you are one of those people, then of course it will not matter.  Problems can also arise if one of the spouse's appearances goes to pot, either after babies, or after too many beers.  This can kill the romance and the sexual part of the relationship, and that can be the undoing of a marriage.\n\nI know in my own sexuality, looks are important, and I am not afraid to admit it.  I don't need a model, but there are some things I need in a sexual relationship.  The pleasure I get from seeing someone naked is a big part of the pleasure I get through intimacy.  \n\nJust know yourself.  You can prioritize looks according to your own tastes.  People get into trouble when lying to themselves, and try to "pretend" or whatever.  Just be honest.  Some gay guys I know have to have a boyfriend with a six pack.  Some straight guys I know have to have a chick with D or bigger breasts.  People have preferences. D or bigger breasts turn me off, and a six pack looks good on paper, but there is a certain pleasure derived from utilizing your man stomach as a pillow. :)  You can't do that with 6 pack abs.\n\nFor regular friendships, I think looks have a low priority.  It is strange though how i notice groups of people, say 3 or 4 friends out at dinner, or lunch, and they all sort of look the same.  I'm not sure why this is.  If they are rather large, they hang with other large people.  If one has a leather jacket, 2 or 3 of the rest of them will too.  Hmmmmm....\n\nI can say one of the worst things is to get naked with someone, and then react negatively to what you see.  A lot of pain has been caused by this type of situation, so it is one I avoid like the plague.  ;) After all, we don't have "virtual sex" yet--we have sex with our bodies, and the form, fit, and function of the body will influence the sexually intimate experience.
229919
I think you live in a society that gives too much on the appearance. In fact, I believe the attraction only comes the fist few seconds you notice a person, then once you are getting engage into a conversation, the looks don't really appear to be matter any longer. I've had many beautiful girlfriends before, and once you are getting into a fight with them, the looks don't count anymore. In fact, once you got to know a person or live with them, the looks hardly matter as you will not notice it as much as before you got to really know that person and talk to them.
191938
It is not only okay, it is completely natural. If he isn't doing anything other than looking, it doesn't matter.  If it bothers you, you should really ask yourself why.  Don't you ever look at other guys?
274188
To be honest, every guy looks at other girls. I just married and that hasn’t stopped my guy from looking at other girls. It starts a lot of arguments when I say anything. You should never let a guy make you feel ugly or unattractive in anyway. My advice would be to move on. Not everyone is a super model but there is someone out there who will find you beautiful in every way, and never want to hurt you by looking at other girls. It sounds like your situation has lead to low self esteem, and it is really hard to do things for yourself when this happens. But believe it or not you could be happier.
80913
If someone is worrying about looks. They need to find someone else who doesn't care about looks. In a society where people see other people by the thousands every single day, yet don't talk to one another. You get that type of thing. All guys are attracted to women that are pleasing to the eye. But not all guys end up dating the girl of their dreams, looks wise. \n\nWhat do guys look for in a wife, well they look for someone they can have fun with. Someone who they can trust, and someone that shows them attention, and makes them feel like they are a man. Of course, everyone is different. Humans are complicated creatures. Its best to go out and meet as many people as you can, you will learn real quick which ones are interested in looks, and which ones aren't. But you have to be willing to play the game if you want to meet the right person. Lower your guard a bit, don't put to much of your heart into it. Don't expect too much from the start, don't get attached, and just simply meet guys! Same thing goes for everyone else out there, no matter what you are into, guys girls, both, whatever. \n\nThere are plenty fish in the sea right? Well, sometimes you have to actually go fishing ;)
320397
I'm guessing you mean she finds him attractive, but only physically. If this is the case you have nothing to worry about because she told you. If she lusted for him in secret then it would cause you worry. Since she told you about it then it's not any different than you commenting on a pretty lady when the two of you are watching a movie. there are lots of attractive people out there man and women. That's why we have models. It doesn't mean she wants to be with them emotionally. Sounds like she is reserving that for you. Just be proud that your the one shes with and wants to be with.