My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are very much in love and get along so well, like best friends. We have so much in common and both want a marriage and a family. I have children, he does not and wants at least 4. He's 5 years younger than me and I am 36.  He and my children have not become close, except for maybe he and my youngest. He wants very much to at least be a friend to them, but they do not readily accept him. He's very kind and friendly to them, they just do not respond and are sometimes even rude. The older(not so accepting children will be moving out soon).  Also, we are both worried because when we decide to have children I will need a tubul reversal because I had a tubiligation 10 years ago.  My doctor says the chances are good to have more healthy children. Is this worth a try or will the outcome be much more difficult than we can handle? P.S. My 14 year old also has a lot of problems with his grades in school. Is this a mess or what?
211890
Personally, I think marriage is a bad idea for you. Right now your focus should be your children. Most of them won't fully accept him because he is "replacement dad." Also, he is taking their mom away from them and your attention will be on the new marriage, the new babies, not the kids you already have. Your 14 year old is acting up because of what I assume is the divorce from their father and now the new guy. Focus on your current children, they are needing you more now then ever.\n\nAlso, at 35 the risk of many birth defects increases signifigantly, along with just having a harder time to conceive children. You can still have healthy children, but you are risking a lot.
69008
Children of any age resent any "outside" interference from sources such as yourself in their lives.  They always consider that maybe, the parents will return to each other and they will be "one happy family" once again.  And, if by chance, your "man" was widowed, the kids think of you as the "Wicked Witch of the West" trying to replace their mom.  After 2 years, I would think you'd have a better hold on everything, but it appears maybe you and the "man" hasn't really sat down and discussed these matters for the future. But you state, its "your feelings toward the children" that you fear, not their feelings toward you?  Evidently, you can't accept the children and only want kids between you and your man.  Now that's a major problem and if I were you, and can afford it, I'd seek professional help on this matter.  And if you can't afford it, maybe the welfare people in your state might assist in financial matters?  I'd find out ASAP and get this problem either corrected in my own mind, or split with this guy knowing you will never accept his children as yours.
306293
I am a single mother of two kids, ages 13 and 14, and i go to college full time.  I just ended a relationship with my boyfriend because he said i didnt havent time for him. He was always bitching so i fired him.  Anyway, i can see where you are coming from.  I talk to someone who lives far away, and i seem to feel like i have known this person forever.  He is really great!  Although, i do seem to have feelings for him, but i really dont think that will work out because of the distance between us.  If he lived closer, and to be honest, with everything that is going on with me now, im not ready for another relationship. Maybe when i get out of school, but for now, just me and my kids and my school work.  Of course, the kids come before everthing.  Anyway, not sure how to give u a straight up answer.  It could go either way.  Good luck with school. I think its great that your doing all that.  Im not working right now and going crazy with it all but i will graduate in December of this year and it will be all worth it!  What ever u do, dont let a relationship come before your son and your schoolwork.  You are working hard at a brighter future for u and your son.  You can do it!  You dont need a man to take care of you or your son. Does the guy live close by?  Anyway, I think it is possible to love someone you never met, but is it wise?  It seems kind of scary, but i wouldnt get my hopes up.  You have to be aware of the possible dangers, even if you talk to him all the time, doesnt mean that you truly know him.  Watch yourself, for u and your son.  We have some real sickos out here.  Anyway, good luck with school and dont give up.  I cant tell u how many times i wanted to give up.  Just watch yourself.  Bye for now!
537549
I have a male friend who is now married to someone who has had children from an ex, but who can't give him any. they adopted a child together as he was keen to have a child to love. he has been married for 14 years and does not regret his situation .\n i am not saying that your love will want to adopt, but he has indicated that he is happy to be with you. accept  that you now have the love you deserve . it is really up to him to decide whether he can live without children of his own, he is an adult who can make that decision for himself. \nperhaps you are concerned that in a few years he may regret his decision.But try to not let it make you so paranoid that it makes your relationship suffer. come on ----enjoy the love.
614687
If you feel this will be an issue that can cause problems in a relationship, it would probably be a bad idea to stay together. I know you will have issues if you get married and have kids because you'll want to instill one set of beliefs in them, and he'll want another set of beliefs instead.
284111
Me and my girl had that same conversation. \n\nWe simply decided that we were to selfish to have kids right now.\n\nWe both work full time jobs, love to sleep in, and we love spending time to our selves. We decided that we have our whole life to have kids, but barley even got a chance to enjoy our lives together. I didn't want to struggle with my kid. I want to have a house and give my kid all that it may need, and right now I'm still working on that. \n\nAsk him if he wants to make you happy, and if so waiting a few years will not hurt anybody and it will give you time to learn each other! Your smart to be cautious!
552172
Hi. Look this is a no win situation for you. I know as I've been there.The best thing to do is ask your man to join you no matter what the situation is. Your kids have to get use to the idea that your have a life and you are entitled to be able to get on with it just as they do. They don't ask your permission as to who they date and don't expect you to be in a mood because of it. My partner and i nearly ended up apart when we tried to please everyone. You have to think of you and your boyfriend as he will be there for you when you need him and they wont as they have there own life to get on with AS you have. Good Luck and Merry Christmas and a happy new year
219507
Your apprehesion is valid.  You should only have children if it is what the both of you want, not for one or the other.  If you end up having children with this man, make very sure it is something you will enjoy and appreciate for yourself in addition to pleasing him.  Could you imagine having children for him only to have a horrible relationship with him down the road?  What relationship would you and the new children have if they were intended to be a gift to him and not to yourself as well?  By making the decision to do this for yourself, you will be a better mother to your new kids.  If you decide you are finished having children, then he will have to deal with that in his own way.
538385
It's all about SCHOOLS. I don't know how your's is but where I live 5th-8th grade is middle school and 9th-12th is high school. Having a high school - middle school relationship is difficult. Also, maturity wise 12 year old boys are a lot less into thinking about serious realtionships than 14 year old girls are-she'd be likely to end up getting hurt. I'd be more worried about THAT than the age differance. I'm 17, turning 18 in March and my boyfriend is 16 turning 17 in June and we're extremely happy together but I've already graduated high school (graduated early at 16) and he's a mature individual....so it's less about age, more about maturity. Maybe they could try being good friends for now and see where that goes?
257456
I was in love at a young age too and my guy turned out to be gay. We're still friends, but it is just an example of how much can change. I'm now married to a great man I would have never met had I stayed with a guy while I was your age. Keep you options open, but stay with him as long as you are happy. Just don't make any perm. decisions till you are older. You both still have a lot of changing to do. Tell him you love him too, but you don't want to promise a life together just yet. Not because you want to be with someone else, or someone better, but because you both could change and you don't want to make mistakes.
244405
I am a doctor and while having wild trouble with my wife, I decided to never be with here again.  I have 2 kids. A few months later, 4 to be exact, I started living with one of my patients, who is 40, and had a wild drive for me since 2 years ago. While being my patient nothing happened, but we started talking after I left my wife, never to return I thought. I lived with this woman for over a year, and that was the happiest time of my life. Nevertheless, my kids were having very serious trouble, and even though I did not wish to see my wife again, I decided to return to my kids and get them out of trouble. I will never stop loving my patient, she was the sweetest girl I've never known, but I cannot live happily with her while my kids are going down hill. I may be damned, but I need my kids to be OK for me to be happy, and they demand my presence. I could never feel happy while being with the woman I love while my kids are going through trouble. You being a virgin is not an issue to me, it should not be an issue to you, it should not be an issue for anybody loving you. What worries me is to find you left aside because this guy is married. I am not saying it is right or wrong, I am saying I doubt he will feel absolutely and sincerely happy with you while thinking about his kids. Been there, done that, don't go there, yo don't want to go there. You'll be happy for a while, and then you will know hell. Excuse my honesty, but I do not wish any human being to go through my experience. Hence I have the need to speak about it. And only anonimously. Take my word: you don't want this.\nPD: I am aged 46.
254728
Hi, this is a very complex situation, and you have explained it very well.  Your friend who is 15 and gay, has a non-sexual relationship with a 21-year-old gay man.  Your concern is for your friend because he has a "crush" on this man, but the man is "not interested' (sexually?) in your friend.  So to begin with all the "against the law" answers are wrong. Unless a physical relation is part of the equation even our puritanically demented society has not passed a law forbidding friendship between people of different ages.  If it did organizations like Big Brothers and Sisters would have to stop their excellent work.  Through out our lives, it helps to have a "mentor."  Someone who is a bit more experienced than ourselves who can help us through some of the "passages" of life.  This cannot always be a parent, no matter how much we may love our parents, because a parent has different concerns (our safety) and often sees us a "child." To have a slightly older friend, who has gone through some life experience and can share and encourage is important.  Having said this, your concern is is for your friend, in terms of his feelings (crush) and the 21-year-old for his "life" and reputation.  I think your concern shows you to be a caring individual and true and good friend.  Hopefully we are always ready to listen to the people like you in our lives.  Have you calmly expressed your concerns to your friend in a way as clear as your question here?  If you have, and he still wishes to pursue this relationship then there is not much you can do.  I think the best "advice" you could give to your friend is to point out the Issues involved: 1) The 21-year-old is (according to you) uninterested, uninitiated (a virgin) and would suffer the "legal" consequences of any physical relationship - so is your friend ready to "accept' these "boundaries" to the relationship? 2) Can your friend pursue a friendship without a physical relationship (his crush?) Can he control his own feelings?\nOnce you have helped your friend clarify the situation and his responsibilities, then you can only support him in whatever decision he arrives at.  \nI would only add that a non-sexual "mentoring" relationship, while important for everyone, is especially important for gay and lesbian youth.  Most people have "models" of what they want and need to become in their parents, teachers, social heros, etc. But gay people grown-up largely without any models, without anyone who can say, "I did this, you can too."  So even though your friend sounds like a confident young gay man, with a loving family and wonderful supportive friends such as yourself, he may still need an "older" model that he can talk to about things and try to follow - always given the non-sexual, non-exploitive nature of the relationship.  Good luck.
80837
First of all does he love your kids?  Think about your kids first and not you.  I mean that is a bit harsh but don't you want a great father for your kids and for you?  And then, think if he can help you in the long run?  Is he going to be there when you need someone the most, is he willing to take the challenge to be with you or not? And about the 4 kids thing talk to him about it.  Tell him that you do not want to have more or if one day you both get married then you both can have one.  But a relationship is based on many factors too just not love.  There has to be a strong communication between you both and understanding.  If you feel that this guy can be that special someone then risk it.  You can never expect too much from someone else.  Think about yourself and your kids first.  Good luck.
268808
sounds like a great guy. if you feel like you definatly want more then that give it a shot. i have been in your situation to the  point my parents even call him their surragate son and i'll tell you what he confessed how much he loved me after it was too late. now after marrying others and kids we will never be able to go back to that first innocent love we once had for each other.
163224
Wow..that was harsh!! He obviously wasn't ready for the long haul with you..(sorry if that sounds too terribly blunt) A lot of people have issues dating or marrying someone who they think cannot have kids. Everyone will deal with things in their own way but he couldn't have been the one for you if this has happened. Be glad you knew the outcome before you two got married. You see, what the doc said is only a possibility..not a fact. God gives miracles..keep your head up honey..everything will be fine.
308335
Your "boyfried" has other, much more serious, things to be doing and taking responsibility for right now.  At 18 he's an adult with a family of his own - why would you even consider dating him?!  Is this what you want for your own life - a guy who has a baby to you then is off to the next 15 year old?  I doubt this will remain a friendship - if it does encourage him to support the baby and it's mother as he should.  Get YOUR priorities in order!!  You deserve much better!  Figure out what you want from life, work hard in school to get it, and stay focused.  Boys at this stage will mess up your goals much more than help them!  Good luck to you and God bless you.
181193
You have to be patient. He probably just has cold feet, 18 is YOUNG. If you keep pushing you well chase him away for good. You want him to be sure don't you? Or do want to push him and then after a couple of kids you break up. BE PATIENT  BE PATIENT  BE PATIENT!!!!   Being with someone til death do you part is scarey and he just wants to be sure, he well be back.