He loves home and hates travel. If we ever get to go anywhere he keeps arguing with me and doesn't let us enjoy ourselves. I feel pity for my children.
206741
Tell him you're taking the kids on vacation by yourself.\n\nAnd do it!  \n\nIf he makes everyone miserable, there's no reason to convince him to go.  \n\nI'd be looking for how to go without him!
139824
For your sake and that of your children, move on. He obviously likes having the two relationships and that is not likely to change. The sooner you leave the sooner you and your children will heal. With all the lies this man has spun its amazing either of you are still with him. He has proven he has no intention of leaving. Don't waste more time on a relationship with no future. Find yourself a respectable man and live a happier life.
28004
How long can you go without talking or visiting the family members you were raised with?  A day?  A week?  A month?\nPlan a vacation on or near the next big holiday and do not make any plans other than with your husband and kids.  Get out of town might be nice.\nIf you are doing this already and he is still complaining, then he has problems and you need to convince him that perhaps he needs help.
462016
well a hard question, but if you have tried everything and talked to your husband about how you feel and he wont change then its time to end it.\nbe careful the fact that he digrades you and belittles you publicly is often the early signs of an abusive man. he is on a power trip and whats you to feel bad about yourself and make you think everything that happens to go wrong is your fault. once he gets you comfortablw with the he may get physically abusive to you. or else he may threaten to or actually harm your children. \nbe careful and make a plan for your exit. once you make up your mind you need to follow through and leave and don't ever look back\nif you want to talk to someone you can email me. ive been there and im out now.
521580
It sounds like only one of you matured.  If he is going to treat you like a room mate, then why not return the favor.  Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking him supper, just you and the kids, stop making it easy for him.  Before you do that though, get the kids off to mom's or someplace they will be taken care of, take his keyboard, mouse and monitor and hide them and tell him he can have them back after the two of you talk.  Sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know that you feel neglected and more like his live in maid than his wife and that you need more.  If he fails to respond, stop doing for him and when he asks why, you can let him know that since you are not having your needs met by him, that you do not find it necessary to meet his.  If you still can not get his attention, just set up a week vacation for you and the kids, don't say a word about it to him, just go to your mom and dad's or bothers or sisters for a week.  Let him come home to an empty house where he has to do everything for himself and take care of the dogs.  If he does not like it, let him know that if you do not get some of his attention, he will have it like that everyday of his life when you leave him for good.
630593
So from you wrote, I get the impression that you agree with him.  What has happened to put you where you are at?  I will say that everything that is happening in your life is due to the choices and decisions that you are making.  I don't know your age so this makes it somewhat difficult but from the signs of it you must be a teen, since most teens feel this way.  Parents don't hate their children, and even though we want the best for our children we do make mistakes at times.  The thing you have to realize is we have walked the walk and talked the talk.  We have stumbled and made our own mistakes and don't want you to make the same ones, soooo we try to protect you from yourself the best that we know how as we stumble through this thing we call parenthood.\nIt is very difficult to let go as a parent and we end up frustrated because we don't want to even though we know we should.  It is very irritating to see and watch our children make decisions that we know are going to bring about pain, try to remember that even though it may seem like the thinks those things it probably because of the inability to let go.  \nYou sound like you aren't happy though and that is the begining.  Try sitting down and talking with you dad, try to mend the broken fence and find out why he feels the way he does. \nMake a decision to start making choices that will give you the dicipline and direction that you are seeking.  Set a plan of action up and try to follow it.  Make a list of things you want to accomplish then start with number one and work through it.\nDiscipline is what you father wants for you I'm sure, and half the battle may be that you just have not accepted that you want the same thing since you can tell it's messing up your life.  No matter what though............you're relationship with your father should be up there on your list of priorities.  He does love you even if he's failing miserable at showing it.  Talk, Talk, Talk..... I thought that this poem fits.\n\n>NAIL IN THE  FENCE\n\nThere once was a little boy who had  a\nbad temper. His  Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every  \ntime\nhe lost his  temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.  The\nfirst day the boy  had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next  few\nweeks, as he  learned to control his anger, the number of nails  hammered\ndaily gradually  dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold  his\ntemper than to  drive those nails into the fence.  Finally the day came  \nwhen\nthe boy didn't  lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and  the\nfather suggested  that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he\nwas able to hold his  temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally  \nable\nto tell his father  that all the nails were gone. The father took his son  \nby\nthe hand and led  him to the fence. He said,  "You have done well, my  son,\nbut look at the  holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.  When\nyou say things in  anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put\na knife in a man and  draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say  \nI'm\nsorry, the wound  is still there. "  A verbal wound is as bad as a  physical\none.
477201
Your husband need to grow up. Staying out late after you are married and have kids only means only bad things.  Either he's avoiding coming home because he's unhappy or he's out looking for some action. (you know what I mean)
562771
I can hardly imagine you having 3 kids ages under 5 and your no 4 is on the way..... I admire your capability but it seems your ability to raise them is beyond your control.  The lack of 'freedom' in your husband shows that he is still youthful and wants the best in his world. His responsibility is zero and committment to you is just for the moment of fun. I know that this harsh words maybe hurtful but just want you to wake up and stop pinning high hope to someone who do not deserve your trust and love.... release him and focus on your 4 innocent lives whom you had brought into this world. Remember, they dont deserve the pain but LOVE......
492053
sounds very similar to my problems of the past.  If he is that controlling then my guess is he can manipulate you some too.  so confronting him head on might not be the best way to go.  What you need is space.  time to think about what you want and where you want your life to go.  I know its hard but i think you might just have to sneak away like i did.  distance has a way of putting your own thoughts into perspective.  if you can go to your family or any close friend and DO NOT SEE OR TALK TO HIM.   I know this sounds like oh its easy for her to say that, but trust me, I had to do the same thing and with 2 kids along for the ride.  my family was 500 miles away but i left my ex and came home.  alot has happened between then and now, but i am so glad i left when i did.  i am now 34 yrs old and he almost took the best years of my life.  dont ever let anyone do that to you.  you are a remarkable creature, unique and no one should be made to feel abused even emotionally.  I put up with it for 12 years.  everyone of us has inner strength and you will find yours and find the right path for your life.  good luck.
73118
He has some serious problems with control. I would think if this is the way I wanted to live. He has no right to tell you that you can't do something. He is your husband not anything else. K
69049
This may not have occurred to you but you should consider it:\na lot of men feel pressure after they have children, buy homes ect. to maintain the same lifestyle as before and in his eyes he may be diong the extra time at work for YOU and your child, he most likely feels that it is His responsability to take care of you and to provide for you so you should remember that if this is his mind set he may feel that it is a sacrifice he is making for his family.\nyou absouloutly need to keep that in mind and sit down together and talk to him about it, tell him that you know he might feel pressure to take care of you and your child or children,  and that it isn't that you don't appricate his efforts , it is just that you miss your time together and as important as the finances may be, that you would prefer adjusting your lifestyle to less money than to adjust to having him away so often.\nthis will put thing in a way he will find eaiser to understand and he will not feel nagged or threatened.
550715
I think that you might have pressured him a bit too much, my friends like to pressure me into going places that I didnt really want to go because my parents were against it. It was really stressful and annoying, your boyfriend is probably pretty torn right now, because if he stays he hurts you, if he goes he hurts his mother. And dont write " so  that my BF could spend thanksgiving with his mommy..awwwww..." that makes it seem as if there is something WRONG with that. You obviously dont understand a mother's feelings. Anyway, thats just my opinion. Also, you said that your father changed the vacation dates for him, well maybe he should have done that AFTER he figures out if he was going or not. And well, wether you should just let him stay or go. Just ask him what he REALLY REALLY wants to do, ask him to be totally honest with you. Also, there are plenty of times that he can meet your family, what about Christmas?( I do not know your religion, but its just an example) Hope this helps, good luck! ^_^
575240
I know the feeling! I work full time and my husband is disabled and home 24/7. He takes care of the housework (it may not be like I do it, but it's done & clean), laundry, cooks most nights and takes care of my 15 & 13 year olds. If they need to go somewhere, he takes them. My whole family blames him for us not having everything they do. I wish they could live in his body for one day and maybe then they'd understand. It works for us but it's not mainstream so everyone else thinks he's a freeloader. Sorry, I can sympathize with you, but I can't help.
465047
Ohh Chica LEAVE him.  Pack your stuff when he isn't home and just go.  Tell him you are done and there is no chance for the 2 of you anymore.  You need to focus on yourself and your child.  Don't let him tell you that you CAN'T do something!  And if you even suspect he is getting violent don't be afraid to call the proper authorities.  Maybe the time apart will give the 2 of you perspective.  Life is too short to PRETEND you are happy.\nIf you are unhappy YOU need to change it.  Nobody can live your life for you, you are an adult and are free to make your own choices.  Do what you feel needs to be done and keep your head up lil mama!
519561
You are only feeling the way you do because of the idea of leaving everything that you have come to know and love. I am alot older than you I am sure, but I have moved about 8 times when I was young. We as kids had no say in where we were going and I for one hated everytime we moved I had just made new freinds. If your father feels like this is the best thing for the family and it will improve whatever lifestyle you have I say relax , go with the flow and when you are old enough to get out on your own and you really don't like where you are you can make that change. But as for right now, If it is going to make all of your lives better I say go for it. Seems like your parents are doing whats best for the whole family and KUDOS to DAD for including everyones say in the matter. Good Luck!
351092
WOW sounds like a real jerk, didn't even want to pay child support. I hope you got your increase.\nAnyways that is unsafe for your young children to travel alone. I would no, tell him your feelings on this and hold to it. \nWho are these people taking them to the long trip to the airport? Can you trust them? If you don't know them, then no. What about on a plane unsupervised, heck no, they are too young.
215117
Really difficult.......it sounds to me that he is fighting you all because it's easier than trying to get along for him right now.  I would sit him down and without getting angry just explain that there are going to be rules in your household from that moment on.  One of them being that no bad language is used.  I wouldn't give him random jobs to do but set a weekly agenda so he knows exactly what is expected of him.  Also have job lists for the other children.  Get them all to agree that they will complete there tasks, then he won't feel picked on the moment you ask him to do something.  You will just have to accept that his time spent in his other home is going to be his 'fun' time because his girlfriend etc is there.  Don't allow him to use this as a stick to beat you with.  The facts are he lives with YOU in YOUR house and must obey the house rules.  \n\nThe sitting in his room alone sounds a little worrying.  I think he wants people to come in to try and coax him out - it may be for attention or it may be that he just likes sitting on his own doing his own thing.  If there is someone in the house that he gets on the best with then send them into him occassionally to just chill with him for 5-10 minutes, stick your head around the door and just ask if he's OK.  \n\nHe is proably unhappy about his situation - every kid would prefer to be living with his real mom and dad.  He will get used to it but the more you fight with him the more you lose!  Set the rules and stick by them - not just for him but for everyone.  Good Luck.