been together for 15 years and 2 kids so i want to stay together and show and fairly good relationship for my children
202469
Make sure his relationship is actually over.  Give yourself time to heal, and don't push yourself.  Some days will be harder than others.  Just do your best not to keep throwing it in his face.  It will be tempting, but counterproductive.  Good luck.
274132
I do not buy that.  Having kids is an amazing adventure, and you should not miss out on it.  However, do not do it unless you have the time and money to devote to them, and the confidence that you will both be together to raise them.
552172
Hi. Look this is a no win situation for you. I know as I've been there.The best thing to do is ask your man to join you no matter what the situation is. Your kids have to get use to the idea that your have a life and you are entitled to be able to get on with it just as they do. They don't ask your permission as to who they date and don't expect you to be in a mood because of it. My partner and i nearly ended up apart when we tried to please everyone. You have to think of you and your boyfriend as he will be there for you when you need him and they wont as they have there own life to get on with AS you have. Good Luck and Merry Christmas and a happy new year
467098
at the risk of sounding judgemental, i'm really not sold on the idea of couples sticking together for the 'sake of the children'. we cannot give what we do not have, hence we cannot give our children happiness if we are very much unhappy with our partner. since you said you still love him, i want to assume that that is the reason you are staying in your relationship. therefore, you should use every effort to try to rebuild what you guys lost. but if you have too much pride to admit to him that you still care for him despite what he has done, you can always be friends or worst-case scenario, housemates with kids. good luck!
567479
Absolutely not but it depends on what effects you anticipate the kids having because that's all up to how you handle to breakup and divorce in the first place.  If you and your husband are constantly fighting or your constantly miserable your kids already know that are are already being affected by it.  If you can't work things out and divorce is the only option then try as best you can to let the kids know that it has nothing to do with them but you understand that the consequences of your decision will effect them and your hoping to make that as easy on them as possible.  I was lucky.  My ex and I were able to salvage the respect we'd had for each other in such a way that we do share the kids and the kids don't feel torn.  It took time but now he and I are even able to enjoy each other's company now like we'd lost the ability to before the divorce.  We're no longer lovers, or in love, but we worked hard to retain some of the friendship we shared and our kids know and appreciate that.  NUMBER 1 RULE:  At all cost try not to belittle their father in front of them.  NUMBER 2 RULE:  Don't compare them to their father when they've done something you don't approve of.  Last, if at all possible, get your husband to go with you to discuss the terms of divorce and agreements regarding the kids with a counselor or mediator rather than a lawyer.  Then when it reaches the point of going to court you can both tell your lawyers this is what we want.  Don't let them play one against the other as they are prone to do.
546138
Don't listen to all the negativity that people are posting.  You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing.  So that is good.\nYou are both young with a toddler and you're a newly married couple...so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week.  It's not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.  \nJust keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out...just the two of you have an evening out once in a while...be silly have fun...just be together...I bet it's been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.  \nAny relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through...it's ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.\nDon't give up there is ALWAYS hope!!!  Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!
587871
Before you break up, go see a marriage counselor. Sit down and discuss everything together. Get the children a chance to sit down and talk about what they are thinking about, worried about, also.\n\nGood luck.\n\nIf you all can learn to love and live together as a family, and it is worth the battle to get there, life can be wonderful.
77468
OK, 1. you are to young to have kids or have sex for that matter. 2. you don't have good jobs if you even have a job at all to support 1 kid let alone 15, and 3. you are still a kid yourself why would you want to give that up to raise another kid when you are still a kid yourself. Listen, my advice is to leave having kids for after college and when your married. Believe me it is better that away. Don't rush what will come one day. And you also said you don't see each other much how do you know the true him what about if this is just an act to get some.
627067
Your kids will grow up and eventually get a life of their own, and if they don't understand now they will then.  I am talking from experience when I say to go go go.  Believe me, the kids feel the tension, and some take it personal.\nJust make sure u let them know that you both love them, just not each other and things have to change for the better.  You don't say how old they are but u can make it age appropriate on how to tell them.  The younger they are, the more simple u say it.  Good Luck.
269925
Congratulations!  Feels good eh?  I think the best thing to do is to be there for your kids whenever they need you.  Kids don't remember stuff they have, they remember things they did with their parents, cousins, brothers, sisters.  So be there whenever she needs you, and you won't go wrong.
245113
wow.  I can't believe you would separate yourself from your kid.  I want to be around my kids all the time.  Sounds like you are being selfish.  You must see your kids as being too much work, so you send them off half way around the world.  Maybe you shouldn't breed anymore.  Save the little love you have left for the 18 month old.
91349
Your not weak. I have been married 20 yrs and have three kids. We have spent the last two years trying to make it work. It isn't, I also have trust issues. As of now we share the house and bills. It is whats best at the moment. Neither of us has anyone else, and financially this works. Who knows what the future holds. Someday I hope to meet someone but where I live it seems pretty unlikely. (remote area). Do what you think is best for your daughter.
250121
You are a caring loving person. You are valuable and important for this world. Love is all around you. Realize that the past can't be changed but the future belongs to you to make beautiful. Make the choice to love your self and share that love with your children. The lessons you learned as a child have empowered you to make the world of your children a loving and happy place. Indeed, you are polarized by your experiences. Use the negative to make a positive. Good luck to you and bless you.
344512
talk to your kids, be honest. you are still a family. this is a good time to heal together. see how they feel and try to work with each other. explain you are doing the best you can. start doing things together, even if it is just the dishes.
437827
<sigh> I really can understand where you are coming from.  I was in a marriage for 15 years before I moved out.  I made a painful decision to leave my boys with my ex-husband because he was in the Navy; steady income and secure residence, whereas I didn't know what would be my plight if I took them with me.  I worked two jobs, saved my money and finally managed to move into my own apartment nearby.  The boys thought it was fun to visit me on weekends "to get away from Dad."  Things actually worked out for awhile.\n\nThe thing is, you have to look at your situation and see what it is you are financially, mentally and emotionally capable of.  The arguing is not good, especially if the kids get involved.  This is what motivated me most to leave my ex.  He and I were arguing over the most ridiculous things and it was affecting the boys.  I talked with them and asked them how they felt about my leaving, getting secure with finances and bringing them with me once I'd gotten myself "steady" and they told me I should do what I needed to do to be happy.\n\nI had family but I didn't want anyone to know my marriage was ending, so I did everything on my own.  It took time and sacrificing.  I did have one friend who supported me in my decision and was someone I could talk to, which helped me get through the frustration of an ending marriage.\n\nWhile you go through this, if you could find a local service that could assist you, try to avoid confrontations with him, even if it means your not going "out."  These battles will affect your children and someone should take precautions to avoid that as it is just unnecessary.  \n\nIn hind sight, I wish I had waited until my boys had graduated high school because now, they bring it up and hold me accountable for the things that have gone wrong in their early adulthood life.  I'm not telling YOU to wait.  You have to research this within yourself and make the best decision for both YOU and the children.\n\nI wish you the best - this is a hard road to travel and no one person has the answer.  Be patient - you will find that answer within yourself soon enough.
4853
I am divorced two years now and get along with my ex for the the sake of my child. We both have put aside our differences and work together to assure our child is given the best environment possible. We talk about any decision that will affect our child and work it out. We are both good people, just not compatible together......we do it for the love our child. You have to!
31293
Keep the faith & keep wanting. There's nothing wrong with wanting "that someone special" to love you & your children - I know. I'd say keep going slowly with this gentleman & give it time. It really is great when you can begin as friends & the rest follows because when the years pass & ya'll settle down from red-hot passion, you've got a friend who will make you laugh & smile & will care for you, the real you. Also, I think it's great that you are keeping your children in the picture, part of the package. They're the most important things in your life & they are (believe it or not) affected by whomever you bring home, too. Stay strong & keep true to yourself.