I just married the love of my life in October, I work about 50 hours a week, my husband is a full time student and we are living in a fairly small, noisy apartment only on my small income as a nanny.  I want to enjoy every day and stop spending every minute wishing that we were in a different stage in our lives. How can I stop obsessing over what we dont have and just enjoy every day the way it is? Has anyone fought and won a problem like this? \n\nI am very grateful for what I have but I feel like Im missing all the good things every day because I keep thinking about all I want which is to be a stay at home wife (and eventually mom) and I am so tired all the time.\n\nAny advice from people who have been through this? How can I love TODAY?
200817
Today is all you have (the short answer). I am still embroiled in the quotidian struggles of worrying over finance etc. But keep in mind that most of us are, and that you may take at least some small comfort in the knowledge that others are commiserating with you (the stoic option). Instead of focusing on what you do not have, place priority on what you do have (youth, a husband, job, etc). Small pleasures are to be seized when they emerge, so do not sully your enjoyment of them by focusing on a future that is still somewhat uncertain.
546138
Don't listen to all the negativity that people are posting.  You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing.  So that is good.\nYou are both young with a toddler and you're a newly married couple...so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week.  It's not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.  \nJust keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out...just the two of you have an evening out once in a while...be silly have fun...just be together...I bet it's been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.  \nAny relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through...it's ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.\nDon't give up there is ALWAYS hope!!!  Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!
675366
You might need to right your wrongs.  It may mean accepting the consequences, but this too shall pass.  I sometimes replay the day over and over in my head and am not able to sleep.  As well as often times I wake early (sometimes as early as 2a.m.) in the morning when my husband leaves for work and I start thinking of the activities of the day ahead.  I am a Christian so I pray, and most often times that helps.
432588
Had many of the same feelings when I first met my fiance.  Luckily they have subsided a bit and am now more able to lead a more "normal" life.  I still do think of her quite often and by no means does it mean that I think or respect he any less.  It's just that the initial honeymoon stage has worn off, took about 2 years and so am a little more grounded now.  Best of luck to you and yours.
103192
Everyone needs balance in their life... between work and leisure time, and between chores/responsibilites and fun stuff. So I don't think that you're asking too much to do something that you want to do yourself, once in a while.\n\nPerhaps your wife is feeling a little overwhelmed with homelife, keeping the house and kids in order? So she feels that any 'fun' activity is a waste of chores time?? I know that I can feel that way sometimes.\n\nBut, if you explain to her that you need this outlet, where you can relax and have a bit of fun, I'm sure that she'd understand. Explain to her that it'll keep you happy and relaxed - you'll be a better husband and father for it. Perhaps she feels that once a week is too much? How about suggesting once a fortnight?
604097
I have been married for almost a year (on July 7th). \n\nI have no idea who said this quote, but it's good: "As each day passes, I love my husband more than I did yesterday and less than I will tomorrow."\n\nI think that defiantly applies as to how I love my hubby. I seems like it is always getting stronger, changing, growing. I am very lucky to have him in my life, and congrats to you on your happy marriage as well. \n-Take care-
416487
My husband and I have been in this situation for 6 years.  We have 2 sons, 6 & 2.  My advice is don't take each other for granted.  Even though I am at work all day does not mean I don't need time for myself.  Likewise, he should still be able to go out or pursue his own hobbies.  You need to watch each other for cues that the other is stressed out.  I try to do as much as I can to "help" on the weekends and in the evenings.  On the weekends, I run erands with the boys (post office, grocery store, etc) giving my hubby a little time to himself.  I also do most of the cooking on the weekends since he does it all week.  I try to get laundry and bills caught up (bill paying is my job).  He loves professional football, so during football season I make sure I occupy the boys so he can watch it at home or go out if he chooses.  It ain't easy! Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!!!!!
54957
At 41, I still remember that feeling your husband has.  He's 28-29 and missing his youth.  He has a baby and resposiblites.  "Oh, for just one night to be young again."  Problem is that you can't go back.  He'll see only a few of the people he used to hang out but it won't be the same.  It probably will be only one time that he goes because it's just too sad. \n\n He needs a something new that is exciting that you can do together.  Come up with an idea for something like that and hit him up with it a week or two after his night out.  \nEnjoy
209962
Hey, you know, I am kind of in the same boat as you are, except for I have pretty much gone through having to hear my ex-husband cry to me every single time that I spoke with him to let me know how much is missed me.  I have two young boys with him, and believe me, it has been really hard, but thanks to my dear boyfriend who I now love a lot I have made it through.  I have been thinking about living with my boyfriend too, as my divorce will be in June, but it seems like I can't wait that long.  I don't know, but I just know that women seem to want things done much quicker and we don't like to wait to get what we want.  I would say to do what your heart tells you to do.
661750
Hi Dakota:\nSo sorry to hear all your pain.....but the good part of this is I hear lots, and lots of love going on here.  Wow.  Glad to hear it...and keep it up.  \n\nDon't worry.  Keep busy with some other passion, other then him, and all will be fine.   I discovered all sorts of interesting passions when I was alone.....I actually started to really find me and my daughter, and we had lots of fun, and when my love came back, well he was really happy to see the 'new' me.  I had matured and become 'more' attractive to him because I had another passion.  and our daughter learned from seeing me function and find myself more steady!  She is now much older, but she is very independent now as a result.\n\nIt is hard, and I know you can do it, because lots of us out there did what you are doing.   So, dive out on the internet and look up some of your passions--be it painting, walking, hiking, drawing, find something fast.  and your honey will appreciate you all that much more.\n\nTrust me on this one,\n\nluv Ava
311458
I am 32 and have been married to the same man since I was 19.  I had my first child @ 20 and second @ 23.  I work when I can, but with my hubbys job, sometimes I have to stay home.  I like having dinner ready for him.  Its not a bargain.  It is in the vows we take in our wedding.  When I am sick, he takes care of me and vice versa.  You can only speak for yourself, and that is good enough.  Have fun now, while you can, and save the dinner fixin' for later in life.
220892
Oh man, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this Oct and 5 years of being together. It has taken us a long time to figure this one out. The answer sounds so simple but it can take ALLOT of self control and discipline. The key to a successful relationship is having a forgiving, unconditional love for your partner. Being able to accept blame and admit wrong doing and knowing what to do to change is a big key. When we talk "fight" we do not tell the other what we don't like about them but what we recognize they don't like about us. This way its not assigning blame and creating defensive walls but acknowledging wrong and working together to change. We are best friends, lovers, and we embrace all things together as a team. Marriage is the HARDEST thing to do in this journey we call life but I PROMISE it has the largest rewards! My husband and I got divorced last year and realized on the day of our divorce in the courtroom that we were running from our problems and making the biggest mistake of our lives. You have to go THROUGH your problems, you can not avoid them in any way. Good luck to you
561289
Everyone's life is full of worries.  What makes yours more important?  Just deal with what you can as you can and don't worry about the small stuff.  Take life one day at a time and thank God that you woke up this morning.  We all feel hopeless.  I have a good cry and sulk for a few days.  Then I pick myself up and move on.  I have a family to think of.  Just think of how your loved ones would feel if you were not here.  Don't be selfish.
320224
First of all, I really feel for you both.  I have been there in a temporary situation, but I knew my husband's job was going to change in 3 months, and we didn't have kids.  But there are things you can do.\n\n#1: Try to have a meal together every day.  My guess is that he can meet you on your lunch break (and have breakfast) and maybe you can meet him for his lunch break, maybe even with the kids sometimes.\n\n#2: I don't know what kind of vacation benefits you guys have, but you need to plan a long weekend.  (Note: sending the kids to your parents and staying home to watch movies and eat chocolate dipped strawberries and champagne counts as a romantic vacation!)\n\n#3: Leave cards or even post-it notes in his car to remind him of you.  He might start doing the same for you.\n\n#4: Plan one night a week that you will stay up and wait for him\n\n#5: Say Goodnight every night.  Call him before you go to bed.\n\n#6: My favorite quirky thing about my marriage...celebrate monthaversaries.  Even if it is just a special card or a flower, celebrate your marriage every month, not just once a year.\n\nI wish you luck and hope that your husband's work situation gets better soon!
207785
I not only do this during the day but at night also.  I esp think of the past, relationships gone bad and wonder why i cant let go of it.  And i go over and over the things i need to do etc.  I tried for a long time to just think of something else etc, of course that would lead to other racing, worrying thoughts, its called acute anxiety disorder.  Of course the doctors have labeled yet another disorder!!!What to do?  Medicine oh yes they will prescribe it, but its only a temp fix and doesnt always work. So, I recently talked to my doc and i am going to now start counseling.  Obviously, we have to much going on in our brains to deal with while were awake,unlike most, but we are letting to much from our pasts go.  Leaving it to spill over into our daily lives, causing alot of anxiety. Honestly, i am a bit nervous about going, but, what the hell do i have to lose, more sleep. lol.  So, it does make sense to me that i have some things i need to resolve from days gone by.. \n\nJust my thoughts, good luck
624303
Well... look around... Do you like what you see? Are you happy for what lessons you have already learned? Are you pleased on what you are able to do for the better of tomorrow? That is all really. If you are happy. If you are pleased on what you have as a past, to put you in your position you are in now, and where it can lean you from your own ambition from knowing that this is your life. And if you are not happy with anything, well that is something that needs to be worked out within yourself, because you should be happy for everything in your life. Why should there be a reason for you to be un-happy? Are you missing anything? Do you have patience to take the time and effort to get to that point in obtaining that goal? Everything is in your hands. Just remember to take everything as it is and be happy for it. Don't expect anything. Things will flow much better if you do that. Hope this helps. Cheers!
540134
hang in there its only till January right around the corner and I know your thankful for having a roof over your head and that your inlaws have opened there house to you. I'm sure there feeling confined and missing there privacy too. Try to continue working this will help be away from the house as much as possible and when you are home try to find a quiet place where you can read a book or even soak in a tub for a bit its only a couple more months in the mean time you enjoy planning and having parties. why not get a pad and pen out and start planning this wonderful party your going to have once you get your new home. take this time to prepare and jot down ideas of what you want with this new house warming party. this should carry you through till January. good luck