A blonde walks in the electronics section of the store.She looks around and found something she wants.She walks up to a clerk at the desk and says'I want to buy that t.v.'he replies'sorry we don't sell to blondes.'She comes back the next day with a hat on says the samething'I would like that t.v.'once again'Sorry we don't sell to blondes.'The next day she comes back with her hair died red.'I would like that t.v. please.'one more time'Sorry we don't sell to blondes.''How did you know I am a blonde?''Well that's not a t.v. that's a microwave.
211077
lol heir are some blonde jokes ok\n\nQ: Why did the blonde have square tits? \n                              A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes. \n\nQ: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?\n                              A: Gifted! \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?\n                              A: Shine a flashlight in their ear\n\nQ: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?\n                              A: Nothing. They've never met because they are always apart.\n\nQ: Why is a blonde like a door knob?\n                              A: Because everybody gets a turn. \n\nØ
584935
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to \nthe\npharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy\nsome cyanide."\nThe pharmacist asked, " Why in the world do you need cyanide?"\n\nThe lady replied "I need it to poison my husband."\n\nThe pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,"Lord have mercy! I can't\ngive you cyanide to kill your husband!\nThat's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us \nin\njail!\nAll kinds of BAD things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any\ncyanide!"\n\nThe lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband \nin\nbed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and\nreplied,"Well now, That's different. You didn't tell me you had a\nprescription"
525210
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. \n"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." \nSo the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.\nShe quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.\nIn the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime." \n"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
313012
Yeah I've heard that. I still think its funny.\nSo here is another one for you.\nA blond always wanted to ride a horse so one day she finally got on one. She was doing fine until the horse started to go too fast. She fell off but one foot was still caught in a stirrup. Her head kept hitting the ground as she kept on shouting for someone to come help her. Suddenly the Wallmart store manager who hears her cries comes out and unplugs the machine.
608963
The blonde and the lawyer\n\nA blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. ""Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, ""Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."" This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. \n\nThe lawyer asks the first question. ""What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. \n\nOkay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, ""What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, ""Thank you,"" and turns back to get some more sleep. \n\nThe lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, ""Well, what's the answer? ""Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
211776
I was almost ready to claw your eyes out, but since you bashed Hilary Clinton I support you 100%. I would add though that it is all a myth. We have totally managed to fake you all out. We definately don't have a problem using the fact that we're blonde if it benifits us. lol....see you think we're stupid but we manage to get what we want every time. Yeah BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\n\nA blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a\nconvertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car\nand asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde\nconvertible driver searches through her purse in vain.\nFinally she asks, "What does it look like?"\n\nThe blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with\nyour picture on it." The blonde driver searches for a few\nmore seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure\nenough sees herself.\n\nShe hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds\nlooking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands\nthe compact back to the blonde convertible driver, and says,\n"If you would have told me you were a police officer when I\nfirst pulled you over, we could have avoided this whole\nthing."\n\n> I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not \n> allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then \n> he  would tell me to take a few days off. \n> So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My \n> co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? \n> I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss \n> would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. \n> A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked \n> "What are you doing?" \n> I told him I was a light bulb. \n> He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a \n> couple of days". \n> I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the \n> blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "And where do you think you're \n> going?" \n> \n> \n> (You're gonna love this..... ) \n> \n> \n> \n> She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!" \n\nHope you enjoyed the entertainment.
581269
Blonde in hayfield\n\n\n\nA Blonde was driving down the road, and spotted another\nBlonde in the middle of a hayfield rowing a boat. She stopped the car,\ngot out\nand went to the shoulder of the road, and yelled, "You know, it's\nblondes like\nyou that give blondes a bad name!, and if I could swim I would come\nout there\nand kick your ass!"\n------------------------\nPUT ON TWO COATS.\n\nThis blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these\nblonde\njokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to\nshow her\nhusband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at\nwork, she\ndecides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.\n\nThe next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down\nto the\ntask at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the\ndistinctive smell\nof paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on\nthe floor in\na pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur\ncoat at\nthe same time.\n\nHe goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what\nshe is\ndoing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde\nwomen are\ndumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her\nwhy she has\na ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the\ndirections\non the paint can and they said....\n\n\n(scroll down)... I love this one ...\n\n\n\n\n\nFOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
502193
blondes why cant tell.
271048
Blonde Jokes:\n\nThe Top 10 Dumb Blonde Inventions (11-18, I made Up and Found On Internet):\n\n1) Waterproof Towel\n2) Solar-Powered Flashlight\n3) Submarine Screen Door\n4) A Book On How To Read\n5) Inflatable Dart Board\n6) Dictionary Index\n7) Helicopter Ejector Seat\n8) Powdered Water\n9) Designer Camouflage\n10) Waterproof Tea Bag\n11) Wireless Dog Leash\n12) Silent Car Alarm\n13) Glass Hammer\n14) Brick Window\n15) See-Through Swimsuit\n16) Pet Rock\n17) Wooden Soap\n18) Pedal-Powered Wheel Chair\n\nMore Jokes:\n\nQ: How do blonde brain cells die ? \nA: Alone. \n\n\nQ: How do you change a blonde's mind? \nA: Blow in her ear. \n\nQ: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? \nA: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! \n\nQ: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? \nA: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. \n\nQ: How did the blonde die ice fishing? \nA: She was run over by the zamboni machine. \n\nQ: How do you get a blonde to marry you? \nA: Tell her she's pregnant. \n\nQ: How does a blond spell farm? \nA: E-I-E-I-O \n\nQ: How does a blond kill a fish? \nA: She drowns it. \n\nQ: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? \nA: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. \n\nQ: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? \nA: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. \n\nQ: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125? \nA: a foursome. \n\nQ: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? \nA: An air bag. \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? \nA: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. \n\nQ: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? \nA: Trying to hold on to a thought. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? \nA: Because it said 'concentrate'. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid? \nA: She wanted to go on a round trip. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? \nA: She thought it was diet coke. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? \nA: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? \nA: The noise gave her a headache. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? \nA: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. \n\nQ: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? \nA: She heard that the drinks were on the house. \n\nQ: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? \nA: They don't know the route. \n\nQ: Why do blondes work seven days a week? \nA: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. \n\nQ: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road? \nA: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. \n\nQ: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? \nA: Elvis has been sighted. \n\nQ: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? \nA: Some traffic signs say stop. \n\nQ: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? \nA: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. \n\nQ: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? \nA: She turned it over and used the other side. \n\nQ: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? \nA: Thanks for the refill. \n\nQ: How does a blonde commit suicide? \nA: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. \n\nQ: How do you plant dope? \nA: Bury a blonde. \n\nQ: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? \nA: Wave to her. \n\nQ: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? \nA: With a tire gauge! \n\nQ: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? \nA: Shine a flashlight in their ear. \n\nQ: How do you kill a blonde? \nA: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do blondes pierce their ears? \nA: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. \n\nQ: How do you drown a blond? \nA: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
607020
Saw this one at a barber shop:\n\n"If your hair's not becoming to you, you should be coming to us."
238864
Why did the Blonde take a car door with her on a walk across a desert?\n\nSo, when it got hot she could roll the window down!!!!!
515942
I KNEW A BLONDE THAT WAS SO STUPID THAT: \n~ she called me to get my phone number.\n~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." \n~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.\n~she got stabbed in a shoot-out.\n~she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." \n~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.\n~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch.\n~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.\n~ she tried to drown a fish.\n~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.!\n~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.  \n~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.\n~ they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.\n~ under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." \n~ she tripped over a cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!!  >>> \n~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept \n~ at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put 'Sagittarius.' \n~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.\n~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.\n~if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.\n~she studied for a blood test.\n~she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.\n~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.\n~she thought she needed a token to get on Soul train.\n~she sold the car for gas money.\n~when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted),   she went home and got 16 friends.\n~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.\n~she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.\n~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.\n~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
104129
My mom.  She is a Target-holic.  I don't think she realizes just how much of her business she gives to them.  She goes in for something simple and leaves the place with a buggy full of stuff (we say buggy in the south).  Sometimes if I'm with her she'll say, "You're not going to get anything?" as if it's implied that entering the store obligates a purchase.  God bless the woman.
535426
sorry. \n\ni like blonde jokes, but that one is weak. lousy premise.
320670
One day a blonde buys two horses but she can't tell them apart so she calls up her friend and says," I got these two horses but I can't tell them apart. What should I do?" Her friend says try tying a ribbon in one of your horses tails." The next day the blonde calls back and says," It didn't work the ribbon came out. What now." So her friend says," Try spray painting one of your horses manes." The blonde calls back the next day and says,"The spray paint washed out." So her friend says,"I am all out of ideas." So the next day the blonde calls back and says,"I just figured out that the white horse is ten inches taller than the black horse!"
72414
A STORE OPENS THAT SELLS HUSBANDS TO WIVES. THE CATCH IS THIS- THERE ARE MULTIPLE (AND A FINITE) NUMBER OF FLOORS. WITH EACH FLOOR, THE ATTRIBUTES OF THE HUSBANDS ON THAT FLOOR INCREASE,BUT ONCE YOU GO UP AN ADDITIONAL FLOOR, YOU CANT GO BACK DOWN.\n\nA WOMAN SEES AN AD FOR THE STORE AND GOES TO FIND HER HUSBAND...\n\nSHE GETS ON THE ELEVATOR AND COMES TO THE FIRST FLOOR. THE SIGN READS - THESE MEN HAVE JOBS. SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT WENT UP TO THE 2ND FLOOR.\n\nTHE SIGN READ THESE MEN HAVE JOBS AND LIKE KIDS. STILL SHE PASSED.\n\n3RD FLOOR: THESE MEN HAVE JOBS LOVE KIDS AND ARE DECENT LOOKING. SHE PASSED AGAIN.\n\n4TH FLOOR: THESE MEN HAVE HIGH PAYING JOBS, LOVE KIDS, ARE INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING, ARE ROMANTIC AND LIKE TO COOK. SHE WAS EVER SO INTRIGUED, BUT THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT WOULD COME NEXT, SO SHE PASSED.\n\n5TH FLOOR: THESE MEN ARE MULTI-MILLIONAIRES,LOVE KIDS, ARE GOD-LIKE IN PHYSICAL STATURE, LOVE TO COOK FOR THIER WOMEN, ARE ROMANTICS AT HEART AND WOULD ALWAYS BE FAITHFUL. SHE WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT WHAT WOULD BE NEXT, SO SHE WENT UP ANOTHER LEVEL.\n\nWHEN SHE GOT TO THE 6TH FLOOR, THERE WAS A HUGE AMOUNT OF WOMEN STANDING THERE SULLEN, AND A NOTE. IT SAID YOU ARE NUMBER 341,567,987. THERE ARE NO MEN LEFT. HAVE A NICE DAY.\n\nTHE MORAL? \nIT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SATISFY A WOMAN - THEY WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.\n\n**********\n\nTHE SAME TYPE OF STORE OPENED SELLING WOMEN.\n\nTHE FIRST FLOOR READS: THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.\n\n2ND FLOOR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WITH LARGE BREASTS.\n\nNO MALE HAS EVER BEEN TO THE 3RD FLOOR.
498654
A woman walk into a store with an cd crushed saying that she bought it and wanted a refund for it I asked her was it cracked when you bought it. she said that she was going sky diving and it fell out of the plane. When I said that we could not give her a refund she asked to talk with my manger. She explaned the story to him and he just started cracking up.