I had an affair 4 yrs. ago. It happened when I just started seeing him. I thought things where not serious between us. But I was wrong, I know I should have never done it. Now I know he really loves me and I would never do nothing to hurt him, EVER. I just want him to trust me again. What can I do??
208890
The problem with the past is that even though it's over it's never forgotten.  Try more open communication and maybe even counseling.
151207
..you probably dont think you can trust him because what has happened before..and i know exactly how you feel i havent been able to really trust a guy in over a year and im workin on it really hard and anytime i started to get somewhere with a guy all that i can think about is how much that other guy hurt me but i have to let go of the past and im tryin to figure out a way to do that too..but you are just goin to have to try your hardest to get over what has happen before..you might think you are completely over that but your probably not because you belive your boyfriend now..you just have to let your guard down with the chance of you gettin hurt again but sometimes its worth it/
394446
just explain to him that your trust for him is minimal, you can only help him out if he promises not to hurt you again, explain to him how you felt back then and maybe you will both be able to move on and have a great relationship. good luck xx
276395
you have to face the fact that "love" isnt the only thing that makes a relationship...trust is a big issue,along with communication you cant make anyone trust you. ask yourself what you did, for him to not want to get hurt by you again. then think about what you can do to not do it twice. stop asking him to trust you...instead show him that he can still trust you. remember actions speak louder than words. also let him know that the best teacher in life are mistakes and that if you made a mistake you've learned from it. that you now know the consequences for your actions.
229454
The truth is you can never trust him again, he has cheated on you and there is no easy way to forget that even though you think that you still love him, trust me you are so much better off without him.\n\nI know that you say that you have tried to get on with your life and I know that you think the pain is never going to end, but you need to stick at it, keep on going, do anything you can to forget about him.  It will take time for these feelings to go but if you stick at it they will go, trust me.\n\nGood luck, whatever you decide to do
15938
I wish I could say "forgive" and forget. But "once a cheater-always a cheater." Actually, if you will listen to the wisdom that is inside of you, you already know what to do . . . \n\nThe reality is that being able to cheat is a huge character flaw. It means that person does not respect you or themselves. Plus, that person is able to lie and not feel guilty enough about it to break and tell the truth. I am no kid ~~ and if you are young, please learn from those of us who have been around the block and few times ~~ respect yourself and without a lot of drama -- tell the guy goodbye.  \n\nAre there ever cheaters who change? Yes, but you will find that those who have usually had a deep life-changing religious experience. Those who are "sorry" and say "they will never do it again" without a deep internal overhaul, are the ones who cheat again. \n\nI have experienced it all. I have been cheated on, I have been hurt until I didn't think I could hurt any more, I have forgiven, and I have been hurt right back again. This is not a vindictive response. This is a word from one older sister to a younger one -- stay away from the cheaters. They will only break you heart.
285785
It's very difficult to win trust back I'm afraid. However, if you love him and he loves you then work on it, nothing is impossible.
458861
To prevent problems in the future and to be able to trust him again, divorce him, let him be someone else's worry. I've been there and have struggled with promises all my life, it doesn't work and is now to late to do anything about it. All I have is the "wish I would haves' and the aughts" it's all to late to live a full life, I let myself be cheated.
229215
Sounds like you have some trust issues in general. Maybe you were betrayed by someone you trusted and now you're on guard. It takes time to build trust and to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Once you do, you'll be able to tell that person anything.
224772
Sorry angel,  You will never know if he will do it again, how did you find out the 1st time? I mean did he tell you or did you find out? was it 1 time or 100 times? If he cheated then he would lie about how many times he cheated. You are the only person that can determine if you can trust him again or not. You have to decide weather the relationship is worth the worrying or not worth it and find someone to be with that you can trust.  good luck  god bless
502462
because you were betrayed, and even though it's been a year it's still going to bother at certain times. epsecially since you said it was around this time last year you found out about the affair. it's normal, just don't let it ruin what it is that you's have rebuilt since then.\n good luck!!
275770
Why did you both cheat?  Were you married, if not, why not?  It is not a game when you have children together, grow up, keep your hormones in check and your pants on.  Do it with your spouse, by yourself, or do without!  Affairs don't just happen, it takes no effort to cheat, no effort to do nothing.  No excuse for either of you.  I feel sorry for the spawn you have brought forth into this world.
629516
Ohhh, that's a tough one. Your relationship can not last if its built on a foundation of distrust. Especially since he has told you that he will not trust you. I went through a similar situation, and you both have to ask yourselves, "Can I drop the past of my partner and move on, on a positive note. If your can't answer "yes" than you need to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship and decide if its worth living a life of suspicion and distrust. Counseling will help. Good luck!!
195798
Has he always been this way or has it just been recently?  Has anything happened between the two of you, as far as cheating, that would make him feel like he had to be so inquisitive?\n\nI just don't see how you can be together without trust; that is the number one thing in a relationship.  This situation will not get better if you just ignore it.  Do you really want to have to worry the rest of your life about what he is going to say when you come home an hour late or if some other male calls you, no matter who it is!  \n\nIf it were me, I would get it out in the open with him and really discuss how you are feeling.  Maybe even suggest you two going to a counselor.  You should be able to tell from his responses if he is willing to work on things and change to better your relationship.\n\nGood luck!
52675
Stop and think about all the things you could loose if your husband somehow found out about your affair. Is it really worth it? You need to make a choice. You can't have it both ways.\n\nMarriage is all about loyalty, commitment, honesty, maturity. If you don't have those things, then you don't really have a marriage so you might as well end it. If you don't want to end your marriage, then you know what you have to do. End the relationship. \n\nThen you need to take a good hard look at why you had an affair anyway. Was it for the excitement? If so, find a way to put excitement back in your marriage. Your husband was the man you fell in love with, committed to, made a vow to. Would you want him to have an affair? Consider how it would make you feel, then do everything in your power to be the kind of partner you would want him to be.\n\nWhether or not you decided to tell him about the affair is a decision you have to make. You would be taking a chance that he will walk out and never look back. On the other hand, you would be making the first step toward an honest relationship instead of living a lie, and you wouldn't have to worry about him hearing about your affair from someone else.\n\nPeople are human and make mistakes. It's what we do when we are faced with our mistakes that determine our character. The choice is yours. Good luck.
518358
How can you be friends with someone who has betrayed your trust? You can be polite because of your child and because in life you get more with honey than you do with vinegar! HOwever, that is all I would be. No information, no jokes, no real conversation. Then take a deep breath. Realize that he looked at your relationship with all its pluses and cons and decided to try his luck elsewhere. UNfortunatly he forget to inform you about his decision. Take another deep breath. Realize that a cheater is a liar is a sneak-- aren't you worth more? In other words, through thick and thin you stood by him but he could not do the same. Honey, he is not wrothy of your love. Put on some make-up, get dressed and go out!
5581
First, you have my sympathy. Betrayal always hurt. I am sure that you are torn up inside. However, let me point out several thing. Isn't better to know his character now-- otuside of marriage, if that is where you were hoping the relationship would go-- rather than after marriage?  Second, recognize that people rarely change their stripes, if he comes back and wants a second chance... I would encourage you to firmly let him know that "betraying for five years does not deserve asecond chance. You have no intention to give him the chance to hurt you again."\nFinally, remember that women cheat on men too! So your questions can be better phrased, why do people cheat when they are in a love relationship?