my fiance and i have been together 5yrs we have a yyr old daughter and a 8yr old son by his first that i have raised..8 months ago this started getting weird and got real ugly i went throght cancer and could not handle any more so i left ..i have been gone now 7 months and we talked and wanted to get life back on track together well he tell me he has been sleeping with a co worker thatis married and that they have just recently went on a trip together ..he said it just happen one time and he love me more that anythng what do i do i can not stand the thought will i ever get over this he said there was no attraction to  her can that be true please help me understand why ,,,
216114
honey you have to understand u LEFT...what do you want him to do while you were out of the picture.. not knowing if you'll be back??? stay lifeless?????\n\nsometimes we act on certain needs..she(his co-worker) was there and willing ..so y not take whats in front of you???? its was just an act of being HUMAN with NEEDS!!!!\n\ni suggest you give him another chance like how GOD gave you another chance with LIFE!!!!!
103437
U are in love with ur husband..  I know how u feel..  Believe me you are needing him more and it is not obession.  U love your husband and u miss him very much when he is not around you when u need his attention .. WIth other men ,  they gave you attentions because u are enjoying it very much.. Same with my fiance, he works and works. we see eachother less than we were before. I know hes working hard to save money for the wedding . I dont want to sound so selfish but i had good times being out with men for fun.. NOTHING SERIOUS.. but when i think of him. i wish he was with me to give me a long kisss which would mean anything to me. But in ur sitaution u are little lonely and needs his attention ..so, u are pretty normal ..\n My fiance is getting better to spend times with me more now than he was. but it takes time to make him realize how lonely i was without him because i am in love with him soo much. He knows how much i am needing him . SO i can feel where ur situation is at ths moment .. Just think positive and STAY in faith to ur husband ..Maybe u can have a nice talk to explain ur feelings for him to be aware of ..  So dont be tired of him .. just be happy that u have a husband to love you and take care .. than u go for an affair which will be an ugly mess to suffer through for nothing ..  STAY IN FAITH!
171470
Be very careful my friend, you could be setting yourself up to be hurt. You may have feelings for this other person, but you need to remember that you "do" have two children to think about. It is belief of many that the truth will set you free, but in this case, it may end in the suffering of the most innocent of all, the kids. Please, consider holding off with this second relationship long enough to realize what you want. I know you want your children in your life, dont jeopardize that for anything. Have a nice day!
488573
Really all you can do is go on your gut instinct.  I am good friends with my ex-fiancee.  We have been through a lot and even since we have broken up he has been there for me.  I am not interested in dating him, so I would imagine if this guy wants to marry you he really doesn't have feelings for his ex.  Plus you met him AFTER he decided he wan't interested.  A little jealousy is normal but I would not worry.
599289
at least have some self respect and move on...you are just obsessed...what ever you think of him is all in your imagination and it's not real!! there's no mercy in love.....
608662
You are not married. Don't feel as tied down as you currently do. I think you guys need a timeout. Stay away from each other for any time between 2 weeks to a month. See how you feel about him then. Take some time to reflect on your thoughts. But state clearly to him that you guys will not see other people during this time period. It's only a timeout. You just need some time to get your thoughts together. Also, you guys have been together for 2 years. I think you will find a way to work out this issue. Best of luck.
572210
I was about to answer your question and then I started to think that there isn't a pole long enough to get me to even attempt to answer you. I will anyways. Okay, here goes. I think your fiance is mixed up. He should be spending time with his son at least, even if you and he have issues. This is why I say I think he is mixed up. He may have been cheating on you and it didn't work out for him and now he wants what he had back again but he is afraid that he has some infection or something so he tells you he doesn't want anyone. It sounds like he is messing up big time. This is my perspective if you and he are in your twenties or younger. If you are in your 30s or 40s his behavior doesn't make sense because I don't think he would cheat and then cover it up with lies and I think he would spend time with his son at least.\n\nI think you both are young and he is messing up in more than one way. This is only my opinion. I am not a cheater and your fiance's behavior doesn't make sense to me unless I examine it from what I think a cheater might do. Hey, if he is willing to cheat on you , maybe he is willing to lie about it to by saying something like I don't want anyone. Everyone wants someone. He isn't being honest. That is my gut feeling.
169360
Hun you've only been with him for 6 months. It's a good thing that he doesn't want to rush things. It took me and my fiance a year and a half before we said the magic words "I LOVE YOU". Now we've been together for almost five years and are about to have two kids. Stick it out. It was worth it for me. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to, my email is flower_child69420@yahoo.com
502142
Your Fiancee should have apoligized! If he doesnt you ought to think twice about this guy! It sounds as if he might not be mature enough to have a relationship with a women and a child!
171791
It sounds to me like you are not ready to get married \nNow with regard to how you handle the situation....It is a very sticky situation that you alone would have to answer, to help you answer I suggest asking yourself these questions:\n\nWhy am I engaged to my fiance?  Is it what I want?....Is he the person with whom I'd love to sit on the porch with a cup of tea when I am eighty.\n\nWhat about my ex....Why are we apart?...Why didn't things work out?....What is different this time?\n\nIf I leave my fiance for my ex, how secure would he feel in a relationship with me?....Would he be concerned about losing me again to someone else?....Should he be?\n\nWhy does he want me back is it because my fiance made me a better person?\n\nWhat character traits my ex has that my fiance doesn't and viser versa ?....How does that compliment of affect me\n\nThere are more questions that you should ask, the answer you'ld find when you answer those questions.
340636
this is not all to uncommon and trust me you are not alone. when i first got together with my fiancee, she was pretty full on. kinda scared me a bit, but i thought she was amazin too. after a couple of months a had a word with her bout it. she just said she had never felt that way before and didnt want to lose that. i told thats ok, maybe we should just slow down and she did. 3 years later we are engaged to get married next year. your relationship is not doomed, but you are gonna have to talk to him bout it.
401794
I think you know the answer already yourself... 9 yrs, a long time and I'm sure that you have both had many ups and downs, and that should be proof that this will last forever,because after all you are STILL together 9 yrs on. You have come through so much and still standing. You ask the question because its natural... its the biggest commitment you will ever make and no one can tell you what to do. Only you can decide. And as the saying goes " Time will tell" .Unless he is treating you "badly" or harming you in anyway, perhaps the time is now. And Yes, it is normal to feel this way. .... Good luck to you.
566263
WOW Ok i will give this a shot at!  First thing that came to my mind is , Don't Change anything. If you start to cuddle him more or start changing due to this news, he will feel like you feel sorry for him, and he will feel worse. Stay the way you are, The second thought is,,,He JUST  found out TODAY! So yes allot is going threw his head and will for awhile. Just be yourself, the women he fell in love with. Be there when he needs you. Stand by him. Don't make it the TOPIC everyday, let him bring it up. He will talk when the shock of it all has settled abit. JUST LOVE HIM AS YOU BEEN DOING! My prayers are with him & you.  Peace.
103553
Ummmm, this may be a bit tough, but why might he want to go through that?  I had an old wanna-be track me down and call me in the middle of the night a month after I was married.  Did I want to open old memories with her?  Nope.  Put me in a bad spot over something I was not interested in the first time around.  Forget it and move on.  Your fantasy is probably not his.
238406
Hi Aussie gurl\n\nThe thing is this, no matter how hard you try you will never change the fact that this happened. It was two years ago, and if he has been faithful during this time then you should feel blessed.\n\nAs long as you are happy, and so is he then try to forget it.\n\nHe might have thought that the girls he was with before were the ones he was going to stay with, but over time things could have changed. People do.\n\nYou might go for the next 27 years in Bliss and then things change like they did for my parents.\n\nPeople put too much pressure on the here and now by thinking of what was and what is to come. Live for now as you are only alive for a short time and you will be dead for a lot longer.\n\nHope it helps.\n\n****response to your email******\n\nI see. That does change things a little.\n\nI would suggest that it must have been in a period where he was sewing his oats. Most guys are driven by whats in their pants when they are young. The thing you should look at is that being with YOU for 2 years he has passed that stage.\n\nTherefore he has saved the BEST for LAST!!!!!\n\nGood luck with it all.
609173
Oh, what the heck. Life is short. Your fiance isn't taking care of business--he is probably making out with his ex girlfriend. Don't feel bad and you don't need to tell him either. If he hasn't talked to you for this long, to bad, so sad.
46870
First of all, why would you marry someone you weren't in love with?  It seems like you "settled" by marrying the other sister.  SHAME ON YOU!  From my perspective, you made your bed, now lie in it.