He does everything he can to make me happy. We have been together for 25 years. But I have always been looking for someone else. Am I bad? Whats wrong with me? Should I stay or should I go?
201316
Not bad but selfish.  You cannot make yourself feel passion but you can make yourself feel intimacy and committment.  If you are unwilling to do that then let your husband go for his sake, not yours.
245591
Is your husband a lot older than you? It seems like you might be so attached to him, sure because you love him, but because he's the only real man you've known. You've been married since you were fifteen? I had posters of boys on my walls when I was fifteen ya know? If he treats you good, if you love him, if he loves you, there's no reason not to be with him. But don't think that you HAVE to be with him or that he's the only one you could love or would love you back, because there's A LOT of men out there. You just need to think about what would be best for you AND your kids, you should definitely be thinking about them.
355174
Here's our story...tell me what you think.\n\nWe originally met in 9th Grade, he was the new boy in school.  We became fast friends and soon became more than that.  We were inseperable, many crazy adventures and all that fun young love stuff.  We broke up just before the school year ended because of our friends...you know the only people you listen to when you are 15 years old.\n\nWe stayed friends over the years, going for coffe every month or so to catch up.  I had the travel bug so after high school I moved around a bit, when I was gone he met someone else and married her.  On one of my stops home I found out he had married this girl (who I knew & knew she was not a good person), I told him my concerns & in my heart I knew that if he said me wanted he back I'd go.  He didn't so I was off on my journeys again.\n\nWell when I was 31 I moved back to my home town.  As luck would have it we met up one night, he was still married to the girl but he had been living in his basement for the last 6 years and had little or nothing to do with his wife.  He was miserable. \n\nWe spent that night catching up, when it was time to go home he grabbed my hand and said he let me go once & he was never going to do that again.  He moved out the next day and we are now married and have a beautiful 3 year old little boy.  \n\nSo no, I don't worry about him leaving me for someone else.  I think it all depends on the situation, and the rest of the story.  People look for love outside of their relationships because there is usually something wrong within their current relationship.  Others are just really shallow and want a "trophy wife"...those relationships never work out.
324905
The question is... DO YOU LIKE HIM?\n\nIs he interesting?\n\nWell groomed?\n\nClean?\n\nDoes he pay attention to you?\n\nCan you see spending the rest of your life with him? (This is for some one 20 years or older, not a teenager).\n\nNow, seeing that other people see you as a couple, they must think that you two have a lot in common.  But, even still, I have seen a lot of people who "went for it" and got divorced after awhile because it didnt work out.\n\nWhy dont you date him for 6months and find out how it will be, then if it doesnt work out, find some one new...\n\nJust my opinion...\n\nJesse
650951
if you're young, you should just cut him off and move on.  people are meant to have a number of relationships before settling down, no matter how long you have been with this one person.  it sounds like you are NOT HAPPY.  i don't see why you should settle for someone you DO NOT TRUST, DOES NOT SUPPORT YOU, is NOT LOYAL to you and doesn't seem to be making you happy.  you will meet someone else, no matter how much you think you might not.  i dated someone for 3 yrs thinking that i'd never find a better lover, person or provider but i have found someone EVEN BETTER!  it can happen!  don't compromise your standards or values for someone, just b/c you've put up with them for a certain amount of time already.  this relationship sounds exhausted and needs to end.  go out and live it up!  see what you want, see what you don't want (qualities current bf has) and explore.  no time like the present to live your life!  hope it helps...
177559
Sounds like he may be trying to make e/one happy but himself.  Maybe he really wanted to go.  After 12 years, I would think you both would be open, honest, and trusting with each other.
244405
I am a doctor and while having wild trouble with my wife, I decided to never be with here again.  I have 2 kids. A few months later, 4 to be exact, I started living with one of my patients, who is 40, and had a wild drive for me since 2 years ago. While being my patient nothing happened, but we started talking after I left my wife, never to return I thought. I lived with this woman for over a year, and that was the happiest time of my life. Nevertheless, my kids were having very serious trouble, and even though I did not wish to see my wife again, I decided to return to my kids and get them out of trouble. I will never stop loving my patient, she was the sweetest girl I've never known, but I cannot live happily with her while my kids are going down hill. I may be damned, but I need my kids to be OK for me to be happy, and they demand my presence. I could never feel happy while being with the woman I love while my kids are going through trouble. You being a virgin is not an issue to me, it should not be an issue to you, it should not be an issue for anybody loving you. What worries me is to find you left aside because this guy is married. I am not saying it is right or wrong, I am saying I doubt he will feel absolutely and sincerely happy with you while thinking about his kids. Been there, done that, don't go there, yo don't want to go there. You'll be happy for a while, and then you will know hell. Excuse my honesty, but I do not wish any human being to go through my experience. Hence I have the need to speak about it. And only anonimously. Take my word: you don't want this.\nPD: I am aged 46.
421168
If he has been doing this for six years now, he will continue to do it.  If he knows how you feel and still doesn't do anything about it, he doesn't really care how you feel and what you want.  If he was head over heels with you, he would do everything in his power to make you happy.  You go out of your way to make him as happy as you can and what does he do for you?  I think you should have a talk about everything you said here and if it doesn't help, then it's time to move on.  Find someone that deserves your unconditional love.
360623
You say in your profile that you are sexy....and intelligent.\nSo show some intelligence. He is not your soul mate - you are his sold -mate... bought and sold good and proper. \n\nWhat is this 'love'? A reaction to the way he is mis-treating you? Does it align with how you were treated in the past? \n\nIf this were true 'soul-love' there would be no question. He is clearly lacking in integrity... the girlfriend with kids are not being properly looked after, and neither are you. If he leaves them for you - how could you trust him. \n\nThere are plenty of other men around who would be so much better for you. Don't get so lost on the physical attraction, coz that's all this seems to be. Not love... love is reciprocated. This doesn't appear to be. \n\nOkay, so we're only getting a short bit of one side of this, but read all of the comments here, girl... we've all seen enough - on both sides of the gender divide - to know when you are being done over.\nAnd you are. \nLike a kipper.
513794
I am in a similar situation...dating 5 years, live 3 hours away and just moved back home after living with him for about a year. I know the feeling to miss the other person when you are at home far away but also miss home when you are with him. \nIts a hard decision to make, but I think it is most important to do what makes you happy and take care of yourself. Having your own life and career are great things, and if you are set on staying where you are, it will be up to him to decide where he wants to be. I hope things work out for you no matter what happens.
435765
he gave you a very HONEST answer.. at his age your asking alot from someone out of the gate of life... he is still trying to find his way kind of thing....\n\nnothing wrong with you... nothing wrong with him... just two dif. point of views, beliefs etc... if he had a crystal ball and looked into the future and could see that all is well, he would marry you.. but we don't have that.... it is called faith, stupidity of better fortune, will, belief in the couple... I don't know... but it sounds like he is missing a good opportunity to share his new beginning with someone that will be pulling the rope from the same end as his..\n\nHe needs to understand that whether he makes a decision or not life will continue too move on, married or not, people will live, people will die, he may starve to death married or single... could it be a totall failure.... sure could... could it be a smile on his face when he is 90 years old and in his death bed... yea.... \n\nOne of the most amazing thing that occurs in this world is when two become one and step off into the black hole together... as there is no certantie in anything... that you or him will be alive by the time you read this, nor that your love will last, nor that it will fail... the only failure will be is to let what could be... not....\n\nHe won't become relaxed about any of marriage etc... till about 3 years into it when he realizes... it's not that bad... kind of fun as long as your expectations are in line with reality.\n\nIt amazes me when I see young couples... I ask myself was I ever really that young, that stupid?  And I think... I wish I would have been dumber and just lived... even if I starved in the process.\n\nThe greatest joys happen when we have the least.  That is a rough interpritation of a Chineese proverb...\n\ngood luck, go slow and understand where he is coming from... but you know which course you have too take when it is time... give him a little time... but don't miss life... it's a hell of a ride rich or poor.
401794
I think you know the answer already yourself... 9 yrs, a long time and I'm sure that you have both had many ups and downs, and that should be proof that this will last forever,because after all you are STILL together 9 yrs on. You have come through so much and still standing. You ask the question because its natural... its the biggest commitment you will ever make and no one can tell you what to do. Only you can decide. And as the saying goes " Time will tell" .Unless he is treating you "badly" or harming you in anyway, perhaps the time is now. And Yes, it is normal to feel this way. .... Good luck to you.
173516
Dear Fallen,\n\nThe first thing to do is get out if that is what YOU truly want.  You shouldn't run off with the first thing that comes along either.  No man is going to make you happy until you can first be happy with yourself, on your own (I know that sounds difficult especially if you have always been with someone).  You will never be truly happy with someone if are not happy with yourself.  Move or get out but not because you met some guy you barley know, this could end up being worse especially if this man is married and or conflicted.  Do what is best for yourself and your children, that should be first and foremost! Do this and continue to speek and meet this man if it is safe after you have a better situation for yourself.  Maybe a True love will grow and not just the idea of better life/love because this man seems better than the one you have.  You may find this guy isn't that great or that he is great but, take time to really find this out.  Get yourself where you want be happy and healthy, and then you might find that there is even a better man out there.  If you have fear of violence from your current man, get help! Call the police if you are going to move out and tell them your concerns before hand and they will probably send out an officer to assist you.  If that is not an option you want to explore there are many groups that can assist women in that situation.  The main thing is to protect yourself, get a brother or other male family member that can help you move or help protect you.  There is no shame in telling family, friends or people who are willing to help that you have problems and need help.  The shame would be in not getting that help and bettering your life.  Weigh your options and make the best decision for yourself and children, just understand all that is involved and what, if any long term concerns could/can develop.  Good luck and God bless.\n\nThe Good Man
358669
Here is your help. Your not married to this guy so actually you are single. When ever you are in a relationship and YOU are not happy it's okay to leave. It's up to you to be happy it's not up to another person to make you happy. \n\nMates are life enhancers and when they start to drag you down and your crying....it's time to remove that mate from your life and move on back to getting happy again.\n\nI am proud that you did the chat thing with him. Now you see he's a liar, two faced and really is not ready for what you have to offer. \nLoyalty and faithfulness are qualities of value and you have them.....he doesn't.\nGo live your life....he has showed you what he is made of.....the question is Can you choose YOU over him and his lies?
46520
One aspect of a healthy relationship is happiness, and if you are always catering to his wants then you can't be happy. I'm sure that there is someone out there that will respect you choices and willing  to meet you half way when it comes to making sacrifices. My personal opinion is that you can do better, but you are the only one that cane make the final decision of whether or not you should leave.
668378
he will go back to the same old stuff once you agree to stay, unless you resolve the underlying problem and if the problem is a behavior thing of his you arent going to change it. sounds like you are done and when that happens there is no going back. look if the guy really cared about the marriage he would've changed things when you said you were unhappy instead of waiting until you said i'm leaving. do you really want to spend your life with your bags packed because thats the only thing that gets through to him? yes you said better or worse, but sometimes it just isn't worth it. only you can decide that, to me it sounds as if you already have. if you've already given him 100 chances to step up to the plate he obviously isn't going to and 100 more won't be enough either. good luck to you, things will work out!
625105
Is his well-being as important to you as your own?  Does he feel the same about you?  Is the long distance problem a necessary thing (you EACH have an ill family member who needs your care, or are completing college at separate institutions which specialize in your field), or is it just not all that convenient to be together?  Are you with him because your life would be poorer without him, or because you're used to him and afraid to find someone who would meet more of your needs?  Are you compatible on your future plans on children (or no children), religious beliefs, monetary issues?\n\nThese are questions you'll have to answer yourselves.  One of you may just have to compromise if you want to live together...one of you may have to move.  If neither of you are willing, I would wonder about the depth of your commitment.