Ok here is my story... When i use to go to high school you had to wait at the bottom of the stairs untill the bell rang i snuck up anyways nowing what i had was a global warmer!  I went up and i say thank god for godfathers always did give me the funniest farts of all time anyways i went up stairs and i let a huge fart go onl it didnt make any sound becase it was one of those silient ones i new it was big because it burnt the bum so much so that that is why i call it the global warmer anyways i ran across the hall knowing the bell was going to ring soon and hid off to the side of the bathroom when i did this the bell rang and people came up i heard these words what the fu** abd what the hel* and then latter i got suspended because i found out that it actually caused a person to pass out and i was told on i got alot of other ones lol maybe that will be on the next one anyways tell your best fart story or shart story
204195
OH my I can't beleive I am letting the world know my best fart story lol. I used to be a stripper. One night after a late night dinner of taco bell, one of my frequent customers came in for a lap dance. There is this move where I stand on my head and do a split, well I felt it coming after getting on my head and tryed my hardest to not let it rip, to my horror, I farted so freaking loud right in the dudes face. IT WAS REALLY STINKY also, he was really cool about it, we both laughed our arses off and he even gave me a really big tip. I guess maybe farting was one of his turn ons? hahaha, I can't believe I just told yall that
213683
I don't think I've ever farted before "doing the do". I cannot recall farting after "doing the do". However, I have  farted in the middle of "doing the do".  He went down on my, I knew I had to fart and thought I could hold it. That was not the case. As soon as I hit that big "O" I lost all control and BAM...farted right on his chin. I started laughing so hard and I had one of those laughing farts..you know the kind where your fart is the same rhythm as your laughter. He finished "doing the do" and I had the giggles the whole time. I farted one other time, but it was just a little pffft.
627929
Hi Funnyguy,\nAbout the time I got into high school, I started noticing the way other people were living. I began to realize that I came from a clan of poor ingrates, breeding without concern of a pedigree. In lay terms, I was a simple S.O.B.\nI began to wonder, oh no, what in thee hell am I going to do? It took awhile to get a plan but then, one day I sold my mum for a hundred dollars to some young punk. I took that hundred and invested it into a ten-speed bicycle.\nOK, there was a king-pin who lived in the neighborhood. I didn't know his name but everyone called him, "Angel," and I got a job working for him to deliver envelopes around town. The cops were always cruising the streets and I had a fun time ducking into alleys and following my bike after heaving it over the chain linked fence.\nI finally figured out what was in the envelopes and I had enough cash saved up to try another line of work. But Angel wouldn't hear of it. He said, "You ain'ta gonna quit. See that fat guy over der? He gonna beat the crap outta ya dad if you do." If that wasn't enough to persuade me to stay he added, "See dat greasy looking guy over der? He gonna rape yer sista."\nSo, I told Angel about my sister, how she'd been giving it up for a long time and, I already sold my mum, did he think I cared about what would happen to my dad too? Angel had another card up his sleeve and said, "See da girl over there, she gonna kill you and da worst pard of it is, dey won't be any pain."\nFunnyguy, I must tell you now that I became very frightened. So much so that I went to the chief of police and fessed up with the entire story. As I finished, I told him I only wanted to get out. The chief replied smug and self assured, as he drawled, "Well ok, we'll try to hep ya."\nA few days passed and my routines returned to normal. I had forgotten what wheels I had set into motion and stepped outside one morning to notice that no birds were singing. None of the regular stray dogs were roaming the streets. A tumble weed bounced out of an alley. However, I became aware of some S.W.A.T. team members scoping me from behind trees and roof tops. Then, the chief of police entered the street with a posse of cruisers. They drew their service weapons on me as a captain approached with a set of handcuffs. The chief said, "Angel's gone, the fat guy's gone, the greasy guy is gone. And now, you're going to join them."\nThe whole neighborhood got busted. As I looked out the back window of the cruiser I could see the bulldozers already beginning to level the block. I got sentenced away to perform hard labor. Taking turns between sweatshops, manual labor, milking cows, pipe irrigation. All the while always working side by side with cousins of inbreeds just like me. There is really no way out of this hell. The only moral to my story is,\nCHOOSE YOUR PARENTS VERY CAREFULLY!\n-Zealnik
213609
I was giving a presentation at a conference.  Just before it was time for me to speak, I got diarreha.  I ran to the bathroom, and dropped my pants and went.  I didn't notice that the floor was soaking wet because another toilet had overflowed.  I pulled on my pants, put on my suit coat, and gave the presentation soaking in other people's poop and pee.
567658
I POOPED AT WORK ONCE\n\nIT SCARED MY BOSS THEN HE TOLD ME I WAS SICK\n\nONE TIME AT MY MODELING JOB FOR A SWIMSUIT COMPANY I FARTED AND EVERYONE HEARD IT  LOL
18499
Some one else may think its silly , but it was horrible to me. I came home from work and had two bowls of cereal. They were great. Chilled out for a while and later made a small dinner; chicken, brocoli and rice. That night my guy come over to spend the night. We got all hot and heavy and began to do the "grownup" and well he began to take me to the good stuff and things were getting all hot and we decided to try a differnet position and my toosh was in the air and in his face.... right when we were getting our groove together I cut the cheese! Right in his face and the smell exploded into the room quickly!  He grew limp quickly and it was over. He still tells the story to people. I was just so relaxed and  that cereal and broccli got to me!
302616
Okay i decided that it was time for me to get back in shape for prom so i took my best friend with me to the gym. Shes an a** hole but i never would have though she would have did what she did. She told me she was going to the treadmills. She went over there and turned up the speed on everyone who was in shape and then she yelled that how us fat people feel walking up a flight of stairs. 5 people fell and i pretended not to know her.
85376
Have had lots of funny moments but the one that pops up every now and then is when I got my friends son to ring a hooker agency and ordered one for my exhusband. Well what a hoot! My friend and I parked the car up the road and waited in anticipation. Next this car rocks up, a tall, slender, not so bad looking woman climbs out of the car and heads for the door of the house. She knocks on the door and we could see my ex come out and start talking to her. You should have seen us, we were speechless! We couldn't stop laughing. So much so that I cracked a fart! Anyway, after she had a quick chat with my ex, her driver got out of the car, went to the door and we could see a heated argument brewing. They soon left in a hurry, leaving us up the road cackling away. We have also sent him pizzas this way.  We found out down the track that he was very pissed off about the hooker but more dissapointed because he didn't have any money to buy the pizzas!
191602
Ok, one time when I was 10, I was taking a shower an I heard a noise outside. So I put on my bath robe and went outside to see what is was. Mind you, I was home alone. It turns out the noise was coming from my dog, Princess. Well my precios dog turned on me. She pulled my robe off and used it as a chew toy. Now the door was locked but opened but that dog ran in the house with my robe and pushed it shut. It was a BIG DOG! So I was outside butt naked and to top it off, some boys on their bikes were checking me out! Including my crush! I wanted to die! They wouldn't leave. They stayed for at least a half hour. Then some girls came walking from the corner store and they were laupghing at me! I was SO emmbarrased! Then my dog decided to be loyal again and came through the doggie door with my keys. The only part that I knew would last forever was that they used their camera phones to take pictures of me butt naked! They sold them to almost all the kids at school. Then on my way home from school one day, some kids came and took my shirt and pants. Even my panties and bra! Thank goodness their were no adults around and only kids laughing and pointing. But that was my 1st most embarrasing moment, My 2nd was the day after my 10th birthday and after school was over, I was running through the halls trying to get home to use the bathroom but these mean girls caught me pushed me into the bathroom and said they would give me 2 choices, 1 strip butt naked and pee with the door open, or 2 walk around in diapers all day. I choosed the first one. BIG MISTAKE! Those girls made 3 boys and 3 other girls to watch me. It was emmbarrasing! Now you know my sad tales.
95874
all of my school years were in the 70s and i remember wearing bell bottoms and long hair, buying cigarettes at the corner store for my mom with a note. we also got a whole bag of candy for a quarter. i remember the gas wars and also being terrified about growing up and having to wear gas masks to breath because thats what they told us in school. I thought the world was going to end soon because the grown ups were poluting the planet and the kids would be living on a dead planet wear the sun would burn us up through the ozone layer. I learned how to live in the moment though, skating , disco dancing, pushing limits.
285081
It wasn't funny at the time, but...\n\nI practice Kendo, which is a kind of martial art. It is based an samurai sword-fighting techniques. Participants use bamboo swords and armor. My armor, though I am a small person, weighs about 10 or so pounds. Practices are tough, too, especially when DS Sensei would run one. His idea of a perfect practice is when someone passes out or pukes or both.\n\nAnyway, practice in the afternoon. I normally don't eat within four hours practice in order to make sure I don't get sick, but I had been running late and missed my pre-practice snack and I was starving. My sempai (senior student ranking above me) were on the way to the dojo and he did his usual thing of stopping at Taco Bell. Usually, I didn't get anything to eat, but I was STARVING. I mean I was so hungry my stomach hurt. So I narfed down a 7 layer burritto in a bout two seconds. Then we went right to practice.\n\nAnd DS sensei was there. I hadn't known he'd be visiting. So he takes me aside and puts me through this horrible, tough workout. And about halfway through, I am like UH OH...and I turned and bolted from the match and out the door (I actually forgot to bow out--bad manners) and I am running down the hall, trying to get my full-head armor helmet off (think similar to a fencing mask) before I am sick all inside of it. I burst into the bathroom, whip off the helmet in record time, and barf up my burritto. A couple of times!\n\nI go back to practice and DS sensei realizes what happens and totally makes fun of me. I thought that was the end of it, but nooooo...\n\nApparently DS sensei thought this was so funny, he told other people about it. LOTS of other people.\n\nSo I would go to a martial arts function and DS sensei would introduce me to other martial arts folks and they would hear my name and go "Oh, you're the one that barfed up her burritto!" This went on for almost a year!\n\nI still get teased about it, but I sure learned a lesson. And I sure DO NOT eat Taco Bell right before practice anymore.
128639
The last time I did was when I was a junior in high school. Some friends had tp'd the house and my dad made me go out immediately to clean it up because rain was in forecast. We have massive trees in the front and the guy friends had a good arm. I couldn't get all of it down. My dad came outside, stood on a ladder, made a make-shift torch and was burning the toilet paper. Bear in mind that it was around 1 am. The neighbor across the street was looking out her window as my dad stood on the ladder with the torch. His pants then fell down as did the rag of the torch. There he stood on the ladder with his pants down to his ankles, the hair on his hand singed off, and the neighbor lady looking out her window. I lost it -- laughed so hard I wet my pants.
521068
flush toilet.... I did not come up with this one. Recently, I went to a campus performance of stand up comedian Bengt Washburn and he did a whole piece on how often this awesome invention gets overlooked in our lives.
146546
When I had my emberessing moment I was in Washington DC with a school trip. In the hotel my friends and I started messing around and scaring another friend. When we scared her I started to laugh and I peed. It was so emberessing but funny because my friend found out because she wet her pants with my pee.
588299
i fart and then i share...
609584
hope this makes you laugh cause it does me... pat telling me that me, you, tre, chad, and kim had an orgy.... and someone walked in.. and you ran to the bathroom, and kim covered herself up with a pillow... i asked what i did and he said the guy didn't say... i said i guess i opened my legs and told him to dive in.... haha
320149
I was at a college orientation and i was on my period and bulls-eye i got a big red circle on my butt. I try to walk side ways throughout the whole orientation. Or to let everyone in front of me go first. As soon as I saw a bathroom  I tried to clean it with a paper towel and water the the stain got worse. I felt like I was Kevin in the Wonder Years.After that I never even attended that college.And what sucks is before I even knew about the stain these staff bitches had seen it and never said a word.