We have 4 kids. He is very needy. I do everything for him.  He never helps me with anything and when things don't go his way he threatens to leave but never does. I have fallen for another man well,I have loved him for about 8 years. Should I be good and try to make it work with hubby or move on with new guy? I'm afraid I will make a big mistake. I know everyone will hate me but should I care what they think, if it means my life’s happiness?
203181
What you are describing is an abusive man.\n1. You do everything for him\n2. He never does anything\n3. When he doesn't get his way he threatens to leave, but doesn't\nI'm sure this is just the tip of the iceburg. He sounds very controlling.\n\nWomen in your situation often only find the strength to move on when they've met another man. It could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Please ask your new man to wait.\n\nSometime when you're sure you are alone check out the National Domestic Violence (abuse) Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and their site at http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.html Be sure he's not around or do it at someone elses house so you are safe. They can give you the number for your local program. These people are trained to help you with housing, social services, Family Court, etc. \n\nI pray you will put the new guy on hold until you get your life on track for you and your kids. God Bless!
32414
How long were ya'll married? Getting over a spouse is hard. Sounds to me that it wasnt you wanting to end the marriage. I know I struggled with it for almost five years trying to get over my ex. Dont look like it would have been hard seeing how he left me for a woman 26 yrs older than us when I was 3 months pregnant with our youngest son and he got remarried when i was 6 months pregnant with him. The way I finally done it was by not letting him know that things bothered me! If we had to be some where at the same time I was very friendly and nice. Then I decided to move on and that really got to him. If your with someone a long time its hard not to recall memories. So start by going SHOPPING!!! Go and buy you a new wardrobe one that you picked out...some new cologne. Hint Very Sexy for men by Victoria Secret is a good choice!! If you ever need advice or just someone to listen you can reach me on im at melissa_4573.
355174
Here's our story...tell me what you think.\n\nWe originally met in 9th Grade, he was the new boy in school.  We became fast friends and soon became more than that.  We were inseperable, many crazy adventures and all that fun young love stuff.  We broke up just before the school year ended because of our friends...you know the only people you listen to when you are 15 years old.\n\nWe stayed friends over the years, going for coffe every month or so to catch up.  I had the travel bug so after high school I moved around a bit, when I was gone he met someone else and married her.  On one of my stops home I found out he had married this girl (who I knew & knew she was not a good person), I told him my concerns & in my heart I knew that if he said me wanted he back I'd go.  He didn't so I was off on my journeys again.\n\nWell when I was 31 I moved back to my home town.  As luck would have it we met up one night, he was still married to the girl but he had been living in his basement for the last 6 years and had little or nothing to do with his wife.  He was miserable. \n\nWe spent that night catching up, when it was time to go home he grabbed my hand and said he let me go once & he was never going to do that again.  He moved out the next day and we are now married and have a beautiful 3 year old little boy.  \n\nSo no, I don't worry about him leaving me for someone else.  I think it all depends on the situation, and the rest of the story.  People look for love outside of their relationships because there is usually something wrong within their current relationship.  Others are just really shallow and want a "trophy wife"...those relationships never work out.
415818
I know how it feels, I am in a relationship now with the best guy i could ever be with we have been together almost 5 years, and I still find myself wondering about my first love. Me and my first love were together for only 2 and 1/2 years and he was my first everything. I know deep down i still have feelings for him and i always wonder about him. I know i shouldnt be doing that, but i cant help it, i guess he still has some place deep in my heart. As for you i think that you still have a special place in your heart for this guy. Dont let it bother you i think its all part of how special this guy was for you, just be thankful and happy that he is having a great life, and that he is married be happy for him. I am sure that he probably still thinks about you as much as you do him. Maybe you never know what holds in the future. SO dont lose hopes of this guy and dont lose hopes on finding another guy. god only knows whom your soulmate is. I wish the best for you. god bless you
46572
ask yourself this what would he do if he was in the same situation. would he tell you or would he let you do what you was going to. if you really feel for him let him know cause you dont know if he feels the same about you... if you are as good as friends as you say you are then you should be able to talk to him and not feel bad by doing it. i told my best friend how i felt and we have been married to 6 years now with 3 kids. good luck
6881
It sounds like you do love this man but the old saying is good here.. "If mom isn't happy no one else is"  Yes I will be truly hard to start by yourself but I did it after I left a man that pushed me around and called me names and pretty much just made me feel like a piece of trash.  I have 2 children and I found a man the loves and respects me and my children.  I understand that love is hard to past especially when you have children involed. But you need to be strong. not just for yourself but for the children too. It is hard but you are a woman and just tell yourself when he comes around and tries to get you in his little trap "I am a woman strong and hear me roar" just keep telling your self that when he is around and hopefully you will be strong enough to stay out of the trap. I believe ppl change but at the same time the little pushing he does on you is just the first sign of abuse and with him doing mental abuse too it won't be long before it is so bad to where you are too scared to leave and if you need help there is so many places that have woman there to help you in your problems and I agree with you about counseling I don't see him going. I just feel that staying away from him is the best thing you can do for you and your children. And about him coming to see the children well you can have someone else there with you while he visits with the children he  has come to see them not you and make that clear to him. I think you can be strong and stronger then him if you have someone in your corner with you. Even just a friend or sibbling. Here is a website for you and there you can learn some things good luck and I wish you all the best.
652591
Forget the other guy.  The grass is always greener...until you divorce this man and marry the new one.  Then you will find yourself feeling this way again in 15 years.  Marriage is about commitment to one person.  A partnership.  You don't trade a good husband in for a new model, like you do a car.  You may learn the hard way if you leave just how hard good men are to find.  And trust me, someone will be more than happy to take your place if you leave.  I know a woman who is crying herself to sleep every night because she cheated on her husband of (ironically enough) 15 years.  He divorced her and she went off to live her "dream life".  Now she is miserable and realizes she made a mistake, but guess what?  He met someone new and is in love with her now (me).  I will never leave him, he is a dream come true!
299251
I have been almost in the same predicument as you, but my husband cheated on me first after 18 years of marriage. We have two children and not only did this effect me, it also had a great impact on the children as well. I did kick him out of the house and after a couple of weeks he realized that he wanted me back and to have life back to normal. Well that does not happen over night. The trust was gone, I was insecure with my self and felt that things could never be the same again. We remained living in the same house, seperate rooms, and trying to mend what happened, then he got into a bad accident as well. The accident was so bad that after leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, I had to nurture and nurse him everyday for the next year. After a complete year of this I cheated on him. I believe that I did this to fullfill the hurt,anxiety,and the insecurity I had about my self. He found out the same way by tapping the phone of reason's of suspition and confronted me. I did tell him the truth about everything. At that time I also said to him "How does it feel to have it happen to you, now we are even". Well set aside Love does hurt, and we all can be cruel either mentally or physically. We react weird to these typs of circumstances. But happy to say it has now been 7 years after this has all happened, and our love never died, it took a great deal of time for the trust factor to regain itself. I'm not saying that the trust will fully every be regained, but as your relationship heals and your thoughts and feeling are open and honest with each other this is a start. Marriage to me now is more important than I ever realized, I want to grow old together. Everyone is differant but place value on your love and family, and take baby steps. If all else fells and things can't be reconciled then be good friends for your children and yourselves. Good Luck. Good things take time.
415150
You could be making a very big mistake and so I would really think through this.\n\nYou will risk losing something either way so unless you are unhappy with your marriage now, I wouldn't even consider the prospect of losing your husband for someone who may very well turn out to dump you after he has won you back.  His motives may not be what you think they are and if anything were to go wrong, your husbnad may very well not take you back.\n\nI think it has more to do with the fact that you don't like yourself all that much and trying to gain acceptance from everyone involved to validate your self-worth from them.  This is only natural if you have been rejected in your life in the past, but I think working and concentrating on yourself, is the best thing you can do right now and taking some time away from the situation itself.\n\nLet your husband know that you need some space of your own to do some thinking if he is aware that this is going on, but just find some spare moments for yourself and think really hard about why you are wanting to make this kind of choice.  If what your husband offers you isn't enough or stimulating to the relationship then perhaps you need to look at what your needs are in more detail?\n\nNone of us can have all of our needs met by one person even when married and it is important for you to have some of your own independance from your husband from time to time and to build up your confidence and self-esteem where it lacks in places. Women have the habit of putting all of their needs onto their husbands and lovers without realizing and so perhaps this ex of yours is enticing you to go back because you want more out of your life than you do already?\n\nTake a course, driving lessons, build up something of your own that is yours so that you at least have some interests outside of the marriage that will stimulate you and won't allow you to start looking for your needs to be met through the choice of two men. I think that the underlying problem is this and not about the fact that want to go back to your ex husband.\n\nWhat would have to change in your life now that would not make you want to be in this position?.  This question will help you out and give you some clues as to why you are wanting the attention from both men.  Fulfilled people wouldn't be wanting both men and so I am pretty sure that it is because something is lacking in your life now.\n\nOnly you can offer yourself what you want and so by looking towards this ex to fulfill your needs and expectations, means that your needs are not being met in the marriage you are in now in the ways you would like them to be as you would not be considering anything like this.  Take time out and think about this more in depth and if you are not happy with your life, then some changes do need to be made, but ask yourself what these changes need to be before running off into the unknown with your ex.
12374
I would say try to make it work if you can, it sounds that he is good for your kid.\nDId you loved eachother at apoint?\nIf there is no other way just talk to him
323991
Ive learned that who we choose doesn't honestly matter.  We can learn to love the one we have chosen.  Some reason in your mind. or possibly your spirit this other man didn't make it all the way with you but you current husband has.\n\nIf he is threatened and you give him reason to then you know what it is.   I think the biggest problem when I council someone is that they always try and do something for their marriage or their spouse.\n\nBut you have to stop writing your ex for yourself  for what you want.  If your honest and clear about this  that you want to be happy and healthy with your current husband realize that old pasture is only as green as you make it.\n\nAnd I'm literally serious there is not a single problem or dilemma that truth and honesty.. and more importantly (the backbone of all relationships) Respect ensures the tenacity of a marriage.\n\nOutside of typing a book in this little box I would direct you to Mort Fertel who is a big Internet marriage councilor. \n\nOr a pastor. or therapist and councilor if your serious and you don't think you can make the changed on your own that you know you need to make -FOR YOURSELF-
213752
If you get with this guy, I'm afraid he will disappoint you. How can you feel comfortable with someone who obviously has lied to you, do not respect his vows, turning his back on his kids, and deny or acknowledge his children's existence to you? What he is doing to wife, he is going to do to you once he gets bored. People show us who they truly are and sometimes we dismiss it because of the false picture of them or we depend too much for a guy to make us happy instead of making ourselves happy. You need to work on your self esteem if you think this is and will lead to a good relationship. You are worth more than being deceived and second choice.
76958
Been there, done that.  Only we were already married. And we worked at the same place.  You deal with it and move on.  You can compete with another woman, but you cannot compete with a man's children. If you are really crazy about the guy, you will need lots of support from friends and family, and, in my case, wallpaper the whole house.  Good luck.
577912
you just answered my question "what is husband greatest wish from his wife" thats a good answer...really sorry for u...my hubby will be coming back from Arab 2morrow...after one month working there, one thing for sure, your ex does not appreciate you at all! I miss my hubby so much...even after 3 kids, our love is getting stronger by the day...so I'm very sure you will find someone who deserves your love...u seemed to be a good man, just be true to yourself, don't do the same like your ex..to your new partner!
139923
Run and never look back.I have three kids with this guy and he does nothing for my kids and he's in the same town, what do you think a guy would do living in another country? unless you are financially stable enough and your prepared to raise this baby by yourself then don't do it.
341730
he's acting like that because you are going to be divorced soon and I bet he is married.... just from the way he is reacting, so move on dear - and give yourself time to heal completely before trying to get into another relationship. (you have to resolve all the issues that lead to your failed marriage - if you don't you'll drag that old baggage into another relationship.) If there was anything there you two would of met in person.... you talked for a long time without meeting and that should of told you something about him. (I've only met one man online who wasn't married and he was honest with me about his personal life and that's the man I'm married to! We talked for about 2 months and then we met in person - he helped me with coming to Canada to meet him.... and we "clicked" - and got married 3 months later! We have been married for 4 yrs. as of Sept.28th).... While I was single and chatting with men online for years --- they all turned out to be married or living with someone(with whom they had kids with).
114171
Read what you've written and think about it for a minute.  If their marriage isn't working why would it matter to him if his wife found out??\n\nOne of the worst things you can do is get involved with a married man.  It's a guarantee of heartbreak.  This man has no intention of becoming permanent with you.  He's using you for a little sex fling and then he'll dump you without a second thought to go back to his family. \n\nPlease don't sell yourself so short. There are plenty of men out there who would love you without placing you in this position.  What if you did get pregnant?  Who will support you?  Who will be there when you're sick or worried?\n\nPlease learn to love yourself.  People who have self-esteem do not abuse themselves as you are doing.  How can you love someone else if you haven't yet learned to love yourself.  Start telling yourself you deserve better and mean it.\n\nTry reading some spiritual books. The primary part of becoming a wonderful person is knowing that you already are one.  Only then can you be who you truly are and find real happiness in life.