My husband is five yrs has become a full fleged alcholic.  I love him dearly and he treats me like a queen.  Problem is he drinks everyday.  He keeps me up all night and when i try to go bed, he follows me back to the bedroom and wants to talk.  I have two mentally challanged children, ages 3 and 8, both boys so you know what a handful they can be.  I accidentaly fall asleep during the day.  He works 6 dayz a week and makes sure the bills are paid and the kids dont go without.  But I am tired of the damn drinking.  It starting to affect me.  He dont drink in front of the kids which is good  but what can i do or  say to him to make him realize that he needs to change?
205792
I know exactly what you are going through!  I've been married to an alcoholic for the past 23 years.  He has always worked and provided for us.  We have two children, one who is grown already(22) and a son who is 13.  You need to sit with him and have a heart to heart talk with him, when he is not drinking (that's very important).  He sounds like a good man with a problem, just like my husband.  If you continue to let this go, even though it's already affecting you, believe me, things will change and not for the better.  After so many years, our marriage has gone down the drain, he even left me for another woman for several months. (A woman that drank and partied with him, of course).  He's back home with me but it's never going to be the same, because he's still drinking even though he's detoxed several times now.  I wish you the best of luck.  And one more very important thing.  Make sure you have resources to take care of yourself and your children.  I was left without any, and I'm making sure this never, ever happens to me again.  I won't allow it.  Take charge of yourself, because if he doesn't change, it's not going to get easier.  Take it from a pro. If need be, look up an Al-Anon meeting in your area.  They are very good in making you realize ways you can help yourself.  If anything do this for your kids.  Even though they may be mentally challenged and he doesn't drink around them, doesn't mean it's not going to affect them.  They are still young, but they won't be for long.  And if this affects you, it will definitely affect them.  Children have a sense of when their mommy is not happy.  Believe me.
436272
Honesty is the BEST policy...\n\nTalk to him about what's bothering you...otherwise...what is he suppose to do? He can't read your mind. \n\nMy husband works his butt off too and comes home, showers, eats and sleeps...gets up the next day, goes to work, comes home, showers, eats and sleeps...and so on.\n\nI feel the same way you do at times, but we need to understand, (which we both do) that he is tired and drained.  This does NOT interpret that he does not love you or find you unattractive...he's just tired.\n\nTry scheduling something for you and him on his day(s) off something special to do...don't wait for him...just do it.\n\nPray for courage and uplifting...\nTry to get some sleep... :)
231427
I agree with your conditions and had the same in my marriage it lasted 28yrs. He cheated 3yrs in and I forgave him by the time we had been together 15yrs he was an alcoholic and I sttod by him and tried desperately to get him to go for help. Then 7 months ago he came in pissed and hit me.....end of the 28yr marriage!!!!! Haven't seen him since. Stick to your conditions.
370575
Well drinking yourself to oblivion and hiding that from your loved ones sounds like alcoholism to me.\nTheres only one person who can change him and thats himself - as much as you or other people tell him to change he is the only one who can make that decision.\nI would end the relationship (because of his drinking) but say you will support him in getting help and remain friends etc.\nIf/when he gets himself off the booze you can always get back together again if you want to.
607187
tell him not to drink so much
285671
Is he an alcoholic? If so he has worked hard to stop. If not I think you are over reacting. He didn't drink for 3 years. I think you should give him an other chance. He came and told you he has been drinking. Give him credit for his honesty. Tell him why you don't want him drinking. If you really love each-other, you will work it out.\n\nGood luck.
496775
You should be commended for reaching out and wanting your marriage to work.  Marriage is a sacred union, however when it is being tainted by unnatural and Godforsaken habits, one must re-evaluate it.  First off, you need to get the help that you need to get through your struggles with alcohol so you can then help your husband with his fight.  We both know that your husband has a long hard fight in front in him.  In order for you two to make it, one of you must be sober and in your right mind!  You have already accomplished so much in your life...good things too.  Furthering your eduaction is no easy feat, but you have done it!  Because of this, I know that you are strong enough to make it through this low point in your marriage right now and able to kick these nasty habits.  Make that appointment that you have been needing to make for so long now.  Get that professional help you deserve and your husband deserves too.  If after he has gotten the help he needs and is not able to function soberly, I regret to inform you will need to most likey move on.  It is hard to see how this has all affected you now.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  Take care of yourself first and then help your husband get the help he needs.  You have come to far girl in your schooling and career to blow it all alway on a husband that can't or won't change for the sake of your marriage.
191997
You don't. From what little you have said you have an ALcoholic for a mate. You CANNOT help him unless he wants help. But there are organizations you can call for help, like al-anon. As for him, he must be willing to step up to the plate and take responsibilities for his actions. This will be a starting point. It will take time. But unless and this is unless he is willing to step up to the plate there isn't one thing you will be able to do to help him.
370953
Hey there, I can understand this situation.  Been there and done that.  You did a good job at telling him everything you can possibly remember.  Try not to feel guilty just talk to about it and hope he can understand.  Tell him about how you feel that you need some time together that is important in a relationship. Tell him you want to spend more time together and your true feelings that led you to maybe drinking too much.  If he is a nice guy he will understand.  You know if could be a fun thing to hang out with him and his friends.  Getting to know his friends and be liked by them is a serious plus for him to get closer to him. Beleive me!!!  Been there and done that!!!
448139
Be direct and force a choice.  You stated he is your boy friend.  \nThe choice will be to stop his abuse of alcohol or you will dump him.  I know this sounds harsh but you have the advantage now of not being married to him.  If you two do not have any children between you then this is yet another incintive to be assertative now.\nIf he refuses to stop his abuse of alcohol after you let him know how much it upsets you then he is not for you.  The heartache and problems that come from a disfunctional relationship only grows much more worse the longer you stay in that abusive relationship. Just imagine the grief, the financial hardship, and the emotional toll this relationship will have on you if he chooses alcohol over your pain from his destructive actions?\nAs one phrase says, "You can see the hand writing on the wall."\nDo not be gullable.  Do not allow yourself to be minipulated.  Either he will be willing to get some help concerning his alcohol problem or he will love that alcohol more than you.
565509
Record your calls if possible. Then you can hear when you're sober what you are saying and in what tone. It is possible he is trying to play some kind of guilt trip. Keep in mind though, that some people do become angry drunks. Some mellow, some cry, some get mad. I noticed in my earlier years that the mood I am in at the time I have a drink seems to be escalated if I continue to drink. If it is an issue with the alcohol, then why not stop? If he is this great love of your life, which would you rather have the bottle or him? Plus if you have an issue with the alcohol, think about what may happen if you do get married and have children?
141532
it is very difficult to deal with alcholism in the family.\n\na very good advice will be one from Wayne Mehringer, a certified drug and alcohol abuse counselor and program director of the assessment and referral office for IMPACT Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse Services in Milwaukee.\n\nMehringer suggests an intervention first. it is best to ask for the help of professionals or coaches (look under "Alcoholism Information & Treatment Centers" in the Yellow Pages or consult a physician):\n\n1. PLAN THE MEETING. Usually this takes two or three hours with the coach, done in two or three sessions. You'll talk very specifically about what you plan to do in the meeting - who will be there, who will serve as the leader, when and where the meeting will take place. You'll also write statements to share at the intervention meeting that detail your experiences with the person's drinking, and "get rid of anything in the way the drinker could use as an excuse not to listen to you," Mehringer says.\n\nFor example, you might call your mother's boss and ask that Fred be excused from work for a few days to handle an important family matter. Check with her insurance company to see what types of treatments are covered. Set up an alcohol assessment appointment. Tie up all the loose ends in advance so your mother has no chance to lean on an excuse and avoid hearing your message.\n\n2. PRACTICE. "The alcoholic is good at throwing dodges," says Mehringer. So get ready for them. Be prepared for every scenario and emotion, and role-play your way through it a few times. Remember that the alcoholic's barrier of denial probably will be hard at work during the meeting. "The point is to break down that barrier. The alcoholic is good at making you the bad guy," Mehringer says. Practice so you're familiar with that challenging role and so that you can stay on message.\n\n3. CONDUCT THE MEETING. You've planned and practiced, and now comes the real thing. "Remember, you're doing this out of love," Mehringer says. No matter how uncomfortable or hard it gets, present the situation to the person and offer the alternatives. "Sometimes it's super-painful, strict stuff, but you're saving his life," he says.\n\n4. FOLLOW THROUGH. If you said you would no longer pay rent for the person if she continued to drink, don't pay the rent if she continues to drink. If she chose assessment, go with her if she wants. Your mother chooses the path. You simply do what you said you would. By following through, you give meaning to the intervention.\n\nThen you take it from there, realizing you've rearranged the puzzle pieces simply by confronting the person you love and helping her see a new reality. It's hard. It's scary. And it requires faith and courage. "Recovery is a process. Get the process started and keep it going," says Mehringer. "Then you're all right."
412131
First off DO NOT MAKE YOUR KIDS TAKE CARE OF HIM.It isn't their responsibility.It is his to take care of them not the other way around.Next, It didn't do any good to cut down on smoking to lower his blood pressure and then turn around and gain weight.Excessive weight hurts your blood pressure more than anything.He is much more likely to die due to obesity and high b.p. than the smoking.But, really it sounds like he is trading one addiction for another.My be try counseling? Just try to do what you can before he get any larger and gets sicker.My husband never wanted to say anything to  me about my weight because he didn't want to hurt my feeling. I wish he had.I let myself get to 216 pounds.And I ended up with high b.p. I didn't see a problem with my weight or eating habits I am a big girl always have been. And I figured I don't drink,smoke,use drugs.So I am safe from having too many problems I have no addictions like everyone else I know and surely food isn't an addiction it is necessary.I told myself that right up until it almost killed me.Last year at 33 years old I suffered a stroke. And my only plausible risk factor the doctor could find was my obesity.Do what you can to stop him now or lose him later.It won't be easy for him but he must recognize his eating has an addiction.It is important for his survival.
435308
I am in the same shape as that man due to post traumatic stress. It took a long while for me to get help but recently I went to a phsychiatrist. I think if at all possible you should try and get him to talk to a professional. I had to get to the bottom of what was pissing me off before I could give up the drink and its working. The drinking is jsut Self medication on his part for the depression but you have to convinvce him that with talking and newer medication his quality off life will be better than as a part time drunk "with or without you in it". Peace be with you, Uncle B
604450
Oh my god girl seems like life has taken a very hard toll on both of you guys. The thing to remeber is that is has taken very long for you to become clean, am I  right, with that being said, every day is a new day, which means you fight harder as each day passes to keep your demons away. I say 3 strikes your out in my book, yes it is very possible for him to be clean and sober, but you know what your daughters have already been thru enough physical and mental abuse they could ever endere and now that your sober and you how this has affected them you have to work extra hard everyday to keep them motivated and guided towards the right direction, you also know that addiction is heredity and it is very likely that they will  grow to use drugs as well. But remeber you have the chance to change that life style for them ax you already have buy getting sober and doing the right thing by them girls, you are to be commened for that, but also try to remeber how hard it has been to let him come back into your life after you have already chosen and begin another  cleaner lifestyle, i mean we all know that people can get drugs in prison and quite frankly if the man has been in prison for the littlest thing i wouldnt want him around my daughters at all and only becuase men get reaped in prison, and some totally rehibailt themselves completly but in your situation he wont ever become clean becusae its his lifestyle, Dont you think that children need not be around that if we can prevent it, well you have had your chance to become sober which you have, you have been the chance to give your girls more in life then most people get, be lucky the state has taken them away from you, and placed them with total strangers, do right by them, no matter how hard it might be, yes there are challenges every day and you are lucky to have beaten the biggest one this far. Why would you even consider letting him back into your CLEAN alife after 3 years, dont you see the pattern this man will always follow, and i know its hard to put those feelings aside and yes the girls do need fathers but after everything they have been through, if your strong enough you will not let him back in youe life as your husband, now id down line he cleans up and i mena really cleans up then i would consider supervised vistation becuase you are different now he will be differnt and the girls are different, do you really want to upset your lifestyle now because you think  you owe him something, are the girls, I would say you have done the right thing thus far and you will conintiue to do the right as long as you keep this man out of your home along with his friends that he will BE back in contact with as soon as he can, I mean if i were you and were given this chance  to become and outstanding mother and to prtotect the children you gave birth to, i woulkdnt allow anhone to take the away ever again becuase next time if there is ever a next time you will not see your girls becuase they will hate for you for the life you have chosen with him, I would file for divorce and be done with him altoghter, yes you have children but there are ways for him to be a dad other than living in your household, and quite franl=kly if he has only sent a few letters to you guys after 3 years who needs that stress wondering and waiting on letters he has already dissapointed you and your gilrs why let all the drama start allover no matter what he says, Do the right thing and let him go for good, and keep wotking everyday to the new begining that you and your girls deserve, you will do the right thing no matter how hard it is, the hardest was admitting you have had a problem and allowinng yourself the treatment to get better you deserve a standing ovation for that, continue to work hard and show the and theach the girlds everyday about the lifestyle that lead you to your sobriety, as they get older you know how us girls can be they will need you to be strong for them, and with him i think you will fiall back
356385
Addictions do not just go away.  If your husband refuses to admit that he has an addiction and needs help, he will never change.\n\nI highly suggest that you move out and start considering a formal separation.  If he refuses to listen when you do this, then face reality and look into a divorce.\n\nYou should not have to put up with his problem if he refuses to admit that he has one.  If his drinking is causing problems and he know this but is not willing to do anything about it, then he has made his choice and you lost to the addiction.
173351
Usually nothing changes until the alcoholic hits rock bottom. Sometimes even when that happens they refuse to change. \n\nMy wife had to make a hard decision to not associate with her father because he refused to give up alcohol. Many times there is no easy answer. \n\nIf any abuse is involved (and usually there is) you have to protect the other members of the family by refusing to compromise or allow any of it go on. \n\nThree things are needed 1) Intense prayer 2)Ultimatums concerning expected behavioral changes 3) Clear action to back up the ultimatums. \n\nMake it clear that you love the person but that change is mandatory and in everyone's best interest including the alcoholic.\n\nGod Bless you