Hubby and I are seperated (his choice) we were together Monday. Rented a motel room and spent some quality time together I kept it light not asking anything for the entire day and we had alot of fun. The next day before I went back home I had to know where we were? And I asked he said he doesnt look at us as over but he isnt sure he wants to come home either. He said that he wanted to find himself again ( I can understand that I feel the same) and then we could see what happens with us. I asked him point blank if there was someone else or if that was something that he wanted and he said no. I believe him on that. My question is how much time should I give him? I mean I want us back together I love him very much and we have 3 children together. There is some problems that we patched instead of fixing which I agree we need to work on but I dont want to be waiting on him forever either. I want my marriage back and he says that he looks at us as on "hold" for now. Give me some advice?
198743
I WOULD JUST GIVE HIM HIS SPACE, HE SAID THAT THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE, SO JUST GIVE HIM AS MUCH TIME AND SPACE THAT HE NEEDS AND HE WILL REALIZE WHAT HE HAS AND HE WILL COME HOME.\n\nGOOD LUCK!
151594
If you guys love each other then there is no problem with coming together again.\n\nTry to put yourself in his shoes. Probably his work schedule was overburdening and not allowing him the time with you even if he wanted. To top that he had you nagging him with thenegatives (and he is being honest with his feelings about that).\n\nTry and be a little flexible with him and see how you guys could work things so you get a little more time with each other.\n\nAll the best.
288770
That is pure selfish. He wants other women and you too. Been there before....Not something to try and build another relationship on , a threesome. If he truly loves you, he'll put her to the curb and come back to you, no matter what. If he's asking you this, and is separated from you now, then his intentions aren't to fix things, its to have his cake and eat it too. Its not fair to you, move on, find someone who won't use you to get his kicks like your current hubby....GL;)
509186
You need to quest yourself for following :\n1. Is your (both of yours) feeling same like earlier (or may be more intimacy)\n2. Is the reason making you separate (which U've not mentioned) is really resolved.\n3. Does he really feels and cares about you and if to live without you will be painfull for life?\n4.  Has he back with immidiate requirement of physical togatherness or the feeling has brought him back.\n5, And the last but most important, take some time of your own and ask to your heart without involving your brain. You will be getting the best answer!!\n\nAll the best. kindly let all of us know  (who has answered your question) about your decession and also in future about your happiness on these decession.
599798
He made his choice, sweetie, and now you both have to live with it.  I think its probably better to get some space between the two of you for a while, in order to allow you to get over your romantic feelings towards him.  Let him concentrate on his marriage and see if he can make it work.
222099
Robyn,\n\nI'm sorry for your situation and I'm sure all of this is taking a heavy toll on you, physically and mentally. It's often very difficult to find acceptable reason in these cases wherein we can find some justification for what we know we need to do. I've experienced that myself so I can appreciate that you continue to feel the love you do for him and grasp for hope in saving your marriage.\n\nHowever, as difficult as this may be to accept, my suggestion is that your first priority needs to be to yourself and the children. The fact that you feel the choice was his to make regarding the direct deposit of funds to your account, it also remains a fact that you're entitled to his continued contribution to the support of the family. Regardless of the fact that he's not sure he wants to return to the relationship, morally and legally he has obligations to uphold. \n\nSo, my opinion is, that you should insist on this support from him while agreeing to his need for space in order to evaluate his feelings about the marriage. This will accomplish a number of things actually. First, it will relieve some stress of the situation in that you will have financial help during this process. Secondly, by agreeing to his wishes to not return and have the space he needs right now you are going the distance in attempting to reconcile. Third, its just possible that having to bear the additional burdens of financial support while also now having to provide his own domicile, could just send the wake up message that will help him realize the consequences of his actions before its too late.\n\nI wish you the best of luck!
299950
You're done?  Then be done and don't linger in the relationship. It sounds like he's willing to do what ever it takes to get back into your lives, but he won't continue.  Once he is comfortable you will revisit why you separated. Give yourself time to heal and keep moving in the direction you know will be better for you and your child.  There's nothing to celebrate except your freedom!
461738
Isn't the distance grounds enough for a divorce?what is your reason for coming back in.?the reason you have given here is not enough.\nmove on with your life.your absence is abandonment.
303784
Tell him how u feel once and for the very LAST time. YES I SAID "LAST" cause u cant keep going back and forth like a tennis ball. Even a tennis match has an outcome.I think u both should make a pact to stop sleeping with other people. If this is going to be a serious committment then u will also need to know what he wants, so ask. And ask yourselves is this what i really want? Make sure u both know what exactly went wrong to have gotten to the beginning of the divorce phase & ask yourselves, "have i dealt with it? overcome it? and am i ready to try this again, and now?" Being all alone isn't fun. it's not enough and you know this. Love may not be the issue, committment sounds to be it. Only you two know. You both need to not only want this but be willing to try and give your ALL. Situation sounds iffy. If u both get on the same page i say GO FOR IT! But dont rush someone who just isnt there. move on in that case. :) keep faith but dont be a fool ok
478409
sounds like self sabotage to me. Have you asked yourself, why you do not want to be alone? \n\nSounds like you and your husband need to make changes together. It isn't right that you arbitrarily made a decision for him, by stepping out on him. Would you like it done to you? \n\nAnother thing, have you asked yourself why you chose a married man? You know that he isn't going to leave his wife, or should. He has no business being with you, as you have no business being with him. It isn't fair to you or the other people... such as your husband, and his wife. If the roles were reversed and you didn't know... how would you feel  once you found out... and now say you and the husband who is going to leave his wife, get together, live together, get married. Can you be certain since his history ( with you) has shown that he isn't imune to cheating since you were the other woman. Whos to say he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? \nYou need to stop setting yourself up for train wrecks waiting to happen and fix the situation you are already in. Break it off with the married man, and leave him alone. Talk to your husband if you want to make this work, open up the lines of communication and seek marriage councilling! Don't be mean and blurt out that you are having an affair because he is ignoring you and is not the sexual life of the party in the bedroom. This isn't all his fault and you need to realize that you both have needs that are not getting met, it takes two to make a marriage work and putting blame on him is not going to heal you. You need to figure out what your needs and wants are, and talking to someone to try to discover the part of you that is lost will help you in this relationship or any HEALTHY relationship you get into in the future!
597861
Hello sweetheart, you must be so confused, it certainly sounds like your fella is. Speaking from experience I would not even speak to him again let alone go out on a date. I think  on this one sweetheart you have to follow your heart, you are the only person who truly knows ho you feel about him. I really hope that you can make the decision that is the right one for you and your little girl. I bet you have the same response from family and friends as I did, everyone told me to dump him "you can do better than him". I made the decision to walk away and have some on our own time with my boy. I have never seen my ex since. He tried allsorts to get back home I stood strong and resisted the temptation. I have remarried and I adore my husband. You will be happy again  take care beauty and don't re rushed.
582339
I just celebrated my 1st anniversary and the first weeks after the wedding were anticlimactic and I too was unhappy.  The reason:  The wedding and preparations were over.   And I thought "is this it?"  Reality set in with a quickness.\n\nAs time has progressed and problems have occurred, I think back to why I married this man and everything gets better.  Through this year I have threatened to leave he has threatened to leave, we have discussed counseling but we have done none of the above.  \n\nNow we have settled into a routine where we once again love and respect each other and we look forward to the years to come.\n\nYes we lost that spark but there was still an ember and we have fanned it into a blazing flame.\n\nGood luck
115737
Well ive never been threw it but ill be more then happy to give you my 2 cents with out calling you a slut, i think part of it is your husbands fault for not making sure you have what you need, now i know alot of people are going to scream for me saying that but its the truth, in a marriage part of our job is doing everything possible to make sure our partner is getting everything we need from them emotionally or sexually. Thats just the way it works for a healthy marriage, The only bit of advice i could give you not being actually in that situation is to eather pick on or the other, i can see you feeling even more torn when your feelings for this other guy are fostered even more and you cant act on it, not to mention the emotional and sexual frustrations that can easily bring. I can understand why you turned to this other man for support you wernt getting at home. But i can only see you hurting yourself in the long run if you dont cut ties with one of them. That is unless you totally dont love your husband anymore and your just in it for everything youve envested on a tangable level that you dont want to lose. But honestly do you think if you bumped this relationship up with this other guy you would be able to continue this double life, i hate to label it that way but thats the only thing i can think of to call it right off the top of my head, but i think you understand where im coming from. You need to set a game plan in your head on where you want to go in life if things with this other guy keep developing, what happens if this guy says ok ill chuck my marriage will you chuck yours? what if he talks about you guys meeting and making a full flaired affair? What if your husband finds out about whats going on how will you respond? How will your husband? Im not saying i know what you should do or what you need to do, but if i were you i would get a clear picture of what i wanted from your husband or from this other guy. Do you think there would be a possiblity you would be more happy in your marriage if your husband started to work with you on your problems with the marriage? Do you think there is any hope for you marriage now? Do you think your husband is doing the same thing you are on some sort of level? IF he was how do you feel about it? I think you need to ask yourself these kinds of questions and in deep deep detail figure out what you want to do, i dont think anyone in here can really answer those kinds of questions and give you any much more of a clear picture then you seriously thinking about this i wish you all of luck and i really hope you get something figured out on this *HUGS*
94747
I agree...you have been brave...however...most men do not do well with ultimatums so you might lose him.  HOWEVER if it's really meant to be, he will come back after a while, once he realizes how much life sucks without you.  If he doesnt, sit back and be happy that you're not wasting anymore time on someone who's not willing to be with you the way you need and want.  \nI live by this:  \n\nIf you love something, set it free\nIf it comes back to you...it's yours\nIf not, it never was.\n\nI am currently in a very very similar situation...so I truly do understand what you feel like.  e-mail me if you wanna chat melissakct@yahoo.com\n\nAs for some of the mean rude answers you recieved...ignore them.  Men do not only cheat for no-strings attached sex, perhaps he simply made a mistake when he got married and now realizes it.  It's only natural for him to see what else is out there before getting a divorce as divorce is a painful expensive process.  Perhaps assisting him in his affair is not the most moral thing we could do...but I don't think you did anything wrong.  And just b/c he cheated on her...does not mean he will cheat on you.  It all depends on his state of mind when entering the affair.  If he truly stopped loving his wife (very very possible) and already emotionally left the marriage...chances are he will not cheat again.  Only you know the answer to that. \n\nHope to hear from you.
62385
I went through a similar situation....what I discoved was that it wasn't anything I had done, but the people he was housed with were either jealous we had a strong relationship and they didn't or just "got off" on seeing other people "hard time". They have a lot of time to think in there, and their own insecurities get the best of them sometimes. Hang in there! My husband has been out for 1 1/2 years, and everything has worked out. I wish the same for you.
329307
This is a common problem in relationships and marriages today. Believe me when I say..."You are not alone!" It's the reason for infidelity and divorces today. But what you have to realize is that if you truly want to stay with this man, be devoted to him and have a marriage that zings. You are going to have to work on YOU first. Now I know you don't want to hear that. No one does! That's why people just throw in the towel and move on to the next failed relationship. Trust me no matter who you would be with next. There is going to be SOMETHING you aren't going to like, or you might end up with someone worse. (ex. he may drink, abuse or cheat on you). \nSo, how do you work on you? In order to rebuild that bond that you once had you are going to have to do the complete opposite of what you are doing now. Which means, getting a babysitter and going out on dates. Going away for the weekends, spending quality time together. Maybe you can't afford to do this all of the time. But spending time together does not have to cost much money. Go to your local park and take a lazy sunday afternoon stroll. One night a week make it date night. It could be anything from getting a movie and sitting on the couch together. Or going out to your favorite restuarant. Talk to your mate about your dreams, your goals, and your hopes for the future. If you are afraid of something open up to him and express that. \n In your explanation to your question never once did you dishonor him and say that he was a bad person. In fact you did quite the opposite. This tells me that you respect him still and obviously you still care about him. You are trying to seek answers on what you should do. That's a step in the right direction. \nMy last suggestion is that I would encourage you to seek professional marriage counseling in your area. There are a lot of very qualified couselors who specialize in marriage problems. Again, you are NOT alone! It seems to me that he truly wants to work on things with you. At least take this step and if it doesn't seem to help, (which I doubt you will feel that way) then you can at least say that you gave it your best shot! I hope this helps!\nI wish you the best of luck!!
407363
Well, he left you five weeks ago and he is married now. Its none of your business what his wife thinks, or whether or not they are going to be happy together. Sorry, just being honest.\n-NmD!