going out to visit his family and doing things that he's not supposed to do but everyone does this i wish that he would quit it is getting to be that are marriage is going down hill with what he does and i dont like it one bit i mean i go to the casino's and all but this what he does should i tell him to move back to his mom's and go on with my life are what i know this ain't apart of chatting but i need help of thinking of what to do about my marriage.
207550
My dear.. The first thing to do is talk to him about how you feel when you are both relaxed and the problem is behind. Don't confront him immediately after what happened. You have to also assess how much you love him and how much he loves you. If you think the love is still there, then give it a chance and talk about what you like and what he likes and come to a compromize. However, if you feel that the love part is missing, then don't waste both of your times and put an end, it will only increase your agony. Unless, there are kids involved, this means a whole new strategy that you should consider them. If no kids, and no love, then separation is the best.
266805
he probably has some really heavy stuff on his mind right now. if you talked of getting married and starting a family, then he may just be in a place where he has to think. i would say that all you can do is honestly tell him how you feel, not angrily or accusitorily, and give him room.
103549
This really depends on the exact reason he left like the others said.  My opinion would be if you truly wanted him back.  No man should leave his family because he is having some personal life changing issue.  My husband and I have literally been to hell and back and not once have we ever walked out on each other.  The key is open communication.  You obviously didn't have enough open communication for him to just leave.  My husband and I talk through everything.  We always keep our kids in mind when making any life changing decisions.  Kids are too young to understand and more often than not will blame themselves for what has happend with their parents.  \n\nIf he comes back or more importantly, if you decide to allow him back after this, you both need to have a very long talk and seek some sort of counseling.  Either professional or through a church.  He seems to be too young to have to walk out or leave his family.  In my opinion, he either wasn't ready for his family, or he is too self centered to care about how you and the children would react to it.  You MUST have an open relationship!  For better or for worse!  Isn't that what you said when you go married.  He should have thought about that then.  \n\nYou shouldn't put up with it.  If I were you, I would have a change of life yourself.  Two can play the game.  Keep your head up and don't let this get you down.  Let him see you are not concerned with the fact that he is gone and that you are perfectly capable of doing it on your own.  I'm not saying it will be easy, but look at your kids and know that no matter what you will never leave them and you will be there for them until the day you die.  That will pull you through.  \n\nI pray for the best for you.  Good luck and God Bless Y'all!!
498971
Well maybe you have to ask yourself,WHAT CAN WE DO TO FIX THIS, First how about sitting down with your husband and talking about the reasons things are like they are...\n\nIf he is spending so much time with his folks then ,sadly something is lacking on the homefront.\n\nWe do not know what it is, only the both of you can sort this out, reading between the lines it is quite obvious that things can and will get worse unless you both sit and talk and try to resolve issues that have come between you, Good Luck
379985
why did u marry him?he sounds like a bum u could prob do a better job on your own without him what sort of example is he setting your kids i could maybe understand if he was at college part time but to be that lazy i mean ask yourself is it gonna get better or worse?does he care about the stress this situation is causing you in your condition way up the pros and cons of being with him and where u see yourself in the future and if he cant or wont step up u might think about shipping him out good luck
370501
I responded to your first question..but Ill say it again. Talk to him nicely and find out what the underlying issue is. I really think it is more than money. He resents you for something that may or may not have nothing to do with money. Sounds like the overall relationship is not so healthy. It may be time to move on. Do you have a family member to move in with. If you really want to try to make it work...see a counselor-but start with talking to him yourself. He might open up to you and tell you why he doesnt want to help you out.  Good luck.
377167
Who says you can't do what you want? He does.\nJust do it. IF he gets out of sorts, leave again.\nIF he stays home, yoiu still go to the things you go to.\n\nThey are not bad or bad for you or him.\nHe is childish. Make him grow up.
305690
He sounds like he never grew up.  I have a son-in-law who is the same exact way.  In fact I'm wondering if you are my daughter who is writing this.  Whether or not he's cheating with another girl or not he's cheating your children and you out of a family life together.
8216
He surely need to quit...as smoking is not only bad for both of you, but it is bad for your children, the example on how a father should behave & many other issue, plus smoking is actually kind of selfish act and costly too!\n\nbut i do really happy you said "We want to have him quit smoking before we get married" i really wish you two will have happy life in future that not included smoking as part of it...so may he sucuess!
53229
Tell him you are sorry and that you will never do that kind of a thing again. Never involve yourself with married people. Think about it this way. What if someone else interfered in you blissful marriage and spoilt it. Ask for her forgiveness and stay clear from such entanglements.
128718
He wants to make sure that everyone knows that you are WAY off the market.  He has made a very small commitment, but if your not planning on marrying him I would cut and run.  He sounds somewhat controlling, but it could just be that ya'll are young and tenatious.
39210
In all honesty, if he planned to stop, i'd tell you to keep it a secret because you could ruin their marriage...but since he's gunna keep doing it, you have to come clean to his wife.  He's being disrespectful to her and he's being an idiot.  If he loved her, he wouldn't need anyone else and he's probably not even worth being with her...tell her the truth and let them sort it out
523914
I was in a similar situation where I lived with my wife's family for a while before we got married.  Her parents are amazing, but her brothers were the laziest bunch of a**es I'd ever laid eyes on.  I was the only person cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, shovelling the snow, washing the dishes, etc, etc.  When in their house, I always felt that being the outsider, it was an obligation of mine to help out whenever possible.  \n\nIt's tough to say in your situation as you don't mention where the problems are coming from.  My wife was always worried that I would leave her because of her family, but I told her that I was with her because of her, and that her family would not change my mind, no matter how frustrated / angry they made me.  We moved out of the house shortly after the wedding and I was much happier for it.\n\nMaybe your bf feels that he has no privacy, is trapped in a situation where everything he does gets scrutinized, and can't really relax or be himself.  When I go home, I want to sit back and do anything I want, but being in someone else's house just doesn't give me the flexibility to do that.\n\nYou need to talk to him and see what he is thinking.  If you don't know why he's upset/unhappy, you need to find out.  Maybe moving out is the only way to change things for him.  It did me and my wife wonders.
342371
I would ask him if I was such a terrible mother then why did you invite me over for brunch?  None of us are perfect, so why has he waited so long to suddenly tell you this, if it was so bad?  Can he give examples of why he thinks this?  Does he have a wife that doesn't like you and has finally worn him down?  That is really wierd, I am sorry your son is treating you that way.  Parenting is a system of trial and error and all we can do is try our best and how would he feel if his kids said something like that to him?  There is no reason to cause conflict especially when you are a grandparent and he needs to show his kids how to respect their elders, this is not a situation where you can take a do as I say not as I do approach.  You can set the example and take the higher road!
100278
There is no doubt you should leave.  You need to because it is what is best for you and for your kids.  It also may be the only way he will reach rock bottom and truly work on his problems.  You and the kids deserve a life as hard as it may be that isn't lived around him and his problems.  You've given all you have to this marriage but he obviously refuses to give as much of himself.  You deserve more, and your kids deserve more.
182179
if you want your marriage to work you are going tohave to draw a line under it. i know its easier said than done. try and think of the good things in the relationship whenever you feel yourself distrusting him, thats what i did.
569406
Honey, you are not overreacting at all.  This man does not respect you.  I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling.  Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years.  You've lost yourself in this relationship.  I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man.  He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature.  You stooped to his level.  What you should do is leave.  It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man.  Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.  \n\nI don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder.  I speak from experience.  I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man.  And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband.  I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day.  Why should I live with that, and why should you.  \n\nHow dare he stop you from working if you want to work.  That's a way of him staying in control of you.  Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there.  Start planning your way out.  You will be so happy when you find yourself again.  And don't forget, God is there for you.  Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.