my husband has been caught by myself (posing as a young female) trying to have and affair. We have a young son 18 months. And we are currently living with my parents. I am almost finished with my Real Estate Schooling and as soon as thats done I will be working. Money is a HUGE issue with us. I am so hurt and mad and dissapointed. But I look at him holding our son and I cant stand the thought of hurting him by leaving. My husband can be like many others well ok he is when it comes to doing things with me and my son. Or for us. He isent the most supportive person. And he is selfish- now im by far no angel. I have never EVER cheated or done anything to be asamed of when it comes to our marriage. If it wasent for our son m pretty sure i would be gone. I need some outside help. Please! I wouldent be able to bare thinking im the reason my son cant see his daddy daily. Help me!
215424
Leaving a relationship does not mean that your child should have to be with out a father.. thats the first issue... you like many many other couples with children split yet still both parents maintain a healthy relationship with the child... Unless he is a terrible father then there really is no reason to take your child and split forever... Second issue, Have you addressed this to him yet? If not then that should really be your first move. Once that happens, and after ALL the horrible emotions spill out from the both of you then you will start to understand why he was tempted to stray, sometimes there are no *good* answers, but it is possible that once its addressed and he realizes that he could lose you than perhaps he will start to change the way he behaves, at that point you will have to decide weather or not to take the long journey to repairing your relationship. It wont be easy whatever you choose to do. However, you MUST address it!! even if you choose to stay with him he needs to know the hurt that he is causing you and he needs to make a choice on wheather the relationship is worth him working on. Good luck baby and I'm so very sorry to hear about what your going through. Just dont let him become the victim whatever you do.
227347
Currently, you should concentrate on taking care of your children and keeping yourself healthy and your thinking rational.  If your husband has capital for business, talk to him and find out what he is doing to make money because you will need to know what resources he is working with whether you stay married to him or not.  Right now, you do not need to become entangled with another man, especially one you do not love.  The needs or your children and yourself should come first. You must take charge of your own life and stop depending on men to carry you. You do not need confusion.
317920
Maybe you should continue to stay separated but start "dating" again and work on your issues. Having children in the relationship I feel it could be detrimental to them to have him continually coming and going into the home. I would continue being involved in your church, praying for him and your marriage and continue marriage counselling. If after a few months and giving it 100% there are still no changes in him/willingness from him to work on his issues then I would sit down and seriously contemplate if this situation is right for you and your children. But hopefully with prayer and God in your life you will see some changes. I definitely think baby steps is the way to approach this situation. God be with you.
309147
Did you ever tell him how deeply you were hurt by it? If not, maybe that's the reason why. You probably kept a lot of pain inside and never confronted or forgave him. Also, I go through this, when you look at your child, you are always reminded of the times, the good and the bad,  you had to go through with their father as they are growing because your child is product of you and her father. I would tell him how you feel, forgive, and let go. God blessed you with a great marriage.
213237
I think it's very sad that other kids are being cruel to your son, and I'm also disappointed and concerned that his father is unable to accept his son's orientation. On the other hand, I'm very happy to hear that your son has a supporting and understanding mother like yourself. He's going to need your support, and it sounds like you will be there to give it to him. \n\nI know, and I imagine a lot of us know, how it feels to be harrased in school because of being different than others. I didn't deal with it very well - I internalized everything, and I was too humiliated to tell my family what kids would call me in school. I wish I had had a supportive parent that understood how I felt, even if it was only one parent that understood, and not the other.\n\nI'm sure your child will be very successful and happy in the future - this is just going to be a rough time (possibly). Getting him into support groups for gay youth as soon as possible would probably be a great idea. When I was about 22 I started going to a support group, and I finally realized that what I am is completely and totally okay. \n\nI'm rooting for your son, and I hope he gets to grow up feeling good about himself! It will make such a difference in his life if he knows that, no matter what anyone says, he's awesome and valuable. As for your husband, what about family counseling with a gay friendly counselor? If not that, how about a conversation between you and your husband about setting new, realistic expectations for his son. He may not get the macho guy that he was hoping for, but if your husband can find the strength in himself (and this takes a real man) to be proud of and support his gay son, he will have done what so many men can't. He could also save himself a lot of hurt and disappointment down the road.\n\nHere's hoping for happiness, love and compassion for all of you!
201472
I just answered your other question and I felt the need to answer this one too! Girl you are in a very emotional state right now, you need to cut all ties to this other man, this is why you are being so hard on yourself! You need to FOCUS! Stick to the topic at hand and that is that of your marriage! You need to start talking more to your husband and let him know you feel no emotional support from him and let him know how you are feeling (if you haven't already)!\n\nThere are alot of people that both of you have involved involuntarily, they did not ask to be in the situation, you need to be the adult here and finish what you started right? Do what YOU KNOW is right not what every one tells you too! I hope you do get some answers here that will help in your decision making, but ultimately the decision is yours to make. Good Luck to you!
52607
How does he feel? That is perhaps the most important question here. Since you are pregnant, your baby coming from a broken home is going to be determined by your relationship with this boy. If he is agreeable to it, why not make a commitment to raise your child together by getting married? Normally 18 is a bit young to be getting married because people change a lot from 18 to their mid-twenties and since for most of us that is the age that we get our first taste of freedom, this could spell disaster when we realize that our husband/wife has a right to be involved in our life to a great extent. This can feel like a lack of freedom. Also, having a baby can make people feel trapped, especially males. It will be hard but if you two are in love and he's a good guy, know that statistically you would be doing the best thing for your baby if you were married. \nTry to give to your partner instead of only giving as much as your partner does. Tell him about that resolve. Giving can be very contagous but so can being hurtful. A loving word can stop anger dead in its tracks in a marriage. It takes two to fight but only takes one to defuse a bomb. Try to make your first instinct to defuse the situation. Take care of all 3 of you, and I hope our e-opinions help you.
172538
I know how you feel, I'm also married to an uncaring man.  It's really hard to be with a selfish person.  I'd say try to talk to him, but he may not be responsive.  If he loves you, he'll honor your request to talk about the way your lives is going.  If he doesn't, busy yourself with friends and hobbies.  Sometimes they make an about face when you're not at their beck and call.  But no matter what happens, be strong, you have you and your daughter to worry about.  Good Luck!
245113
wow.  I can't believe you would separate yourself from your kid.  I want to be around my kids all the time.  Sounds like you are being selfish.  You must see your kids as being too much work, so you send them off half way around the world.  Maybe you shouldn't breed anymore.  Save the little love you have left for the 18 month old.
277683
Wow! You should be proud of your son and quiet frankly,of youself too!! I feel for you and I totally relate to your situation.I am in a simular situation but I'm the Mom.\nI think from what you have said,you have done everything right,so don't stop now!! If your son is still loyal to his mom despite the fact she may not deserve it,that says alot about the character of your child and what you must have instilled in him growing up.\nLet it be his and your future daughter in law's day. I understand it won't be easy but  you sound like a father that would do anything for his son and I think it is absolutly wonderful that you are with someone that supports you and your son,I commend her also. I like what the girl said in one of your other answers,have fun with it ! Just gear yourselves up for this one!Be so nice yor sickening!! Don't,whatever you do,let your ex or anyone else cheat you or your son out of this day.\nThink about it.You have had all of the most wonderful memories and cherished times with your son being there for him the way that you have.He is getting ready to take one of the biggest steps into manhood that a young man can.I would venture to tell you that there is no anymotisy that you and your ex have that can be greater than the good you and your son have.\nKeep these things in perspective.Don't give up these gifts.\nGood luck ! I truely hope you and your wife and your son and future wife are the winners!!!!
302036
im soo sorry to hear that. im kinda in the same boat here but im not married and hes never put his hands on me or he knows he will get it back twice as much. but he says really nasty things to me and i no i cant take it ne more and i have a 6 month old son with him as well and i wanna leave to i understand its hard cuz i cant get myself up and get my stuff packed either i no how u feel i dont wanna take my son away from his father but i no in my heart what needs to b done but its hard to do it but ill let u no one thing if he HITS U THAN hunnie u need to leave right away if ure afraid of him find a place and do things slowly soo he doesnt find out what is goin on than when hes at work u can finally leave but call the police to have extra help. if u need sumone to talk to u can message me ne time and i can help u
313133
Tough situation.\n\nI, as one who's been there and done that, can only say you have to do what's best for you. My ex has been married for 19 years to the woman he fell in love with while we were married. I had to leave him in order to move on with my life and have never regretted it. We were not always friends but, in time, managed to find common ground for the sake of our children. \n\nYour child may or may not understand, in the beginning, but time heals all wounds. The main thing, where your son is concerned, is to make sure he understands it has nothing to do with him. Children have a tendency to absorb the guilt when their parents break up and you have to be prepared to deal with obstacles where he is concerned. Never leave him or his feeling out.\n\nThe marriage is obviously through and your wife seems to think she can keep you through your guilt. She knows you well enough to know this will hit a nerve and has no problem trumping you with it. That, in my opinion, is deceitful and manipulative. This being an indication of what the rest of your lives together must be like.\n\nI guess what I'm saying is, everyone will go task for this and the pain will be there no matter what, so why prolong it and take the chance of asking yourself, in years to come, "What if..."\n\nYou are obviously a kind and sensitive person who still cares about your wife as a person and as the mother of your child, but often this is not enough. A loveless marriage is a prison you can only wonder about being freed from. True love is something rare and beautiful. Cut your losses, let your wife go on with her life, without you, where she may have an opportunity to find true love which is obviously missing in your relationship with her.\n\nEach of you is responsible for your own happiness. You should grab yours while the opportunity is there. Your wife may choose to be bitter and angry or to be understanding and to put the child's happiness and welfare first. She is obviously not going to take it well, so be prepared for whatever may come.\n\nYou may think you'll feel nothing, but the break-up of a marriage is always emotional no matter the circumstances. Be sure you are prepared to deal with this aspect as well. Be sure not to leave your true love out of the emotional conflicts you may be going through during this time. You need to be able to share your true feelings with her and she needs to understand where you're coming from.\n\nGood luck and love. :)
610211
Seems to me he is a cheater who will hurt you again.  The only way to prevent it (other than dumping/divorcing him) is for him to seek professional help - and maybe you should go with him, not cuz you did anything wrong, but to support him and have it be a "together" thing.\n\nIf he doesn't want to work with you to overcome this situation and build a solid future with you, then your marriage will continue to get worse till you decide you've had enough - if he doesn't decide it first.  Marriage takes hard work and commitment, more so when you have children, so I hope you 2 work it out.  If not, learn from it, accept your sad fate, and face the future as a single mom with confidence and self-respect.
114171
Read what you've written and think about it for a minute.  If their marriage isn't working why would it matter to him if his wife found out??\n\nOne of the worst things you can do is get involved with a married man.  It's a guarantee of heartbreak.  This man has no intention of becoming permanent with you.  He's using you for a little sex fling and then he'll dump you without a second thought to go back to his family. \n\nPlease don't sell yourself so short. There are plenty of men out there who would love you without placing you in this position.  What if you did get pregnant?  Who will support you?  Who will be there when you're sick or worried?\n\nPlease learn to love yourself.  People who have self-esteem do not abuse themselves as you are doing.  How can you love someone else if you haven't yet learned to love yourself.  Start telling yourself you deserve better and mean it.\n\nTry reading some spiritual books. The primary part of becoming a wonderful person is knowing that you already are one.  Only then can you be who you truly are and find real happiness in life.
256658
For the sake of your children and keeping your marriage, I would see someone.  This is deep seeded and if you don't seek counseling I'm afraid more "stuff" will push you into that black hole you won't be able to crawl out of and cause you to do something your family will suffer for later.  Go seek counseling BECAUSE you love your family.  I'm sure your husband will support you if he is a good man.  Best wishes to you.
313917
Wow.. You have honestly been blessed, having been a single mom myself and recently married, I know the state of shock your talking about. And yes, he loves you that much. Congratulations !\n\nJust know that, hundreds of single moms every day are hoping and pray for what we have been blessed with. \n\nStand proud & love him, soon your going to be a family
147845
Since your husband's name is on her birth certificate he is her legal father, even if he's not her biological father. The two of you are married now. You've made a commitment before God to love, honor, cherish and be faithful to one another till death parts you. Are you ready to trash it this quickly? You and your husband need some serious marriage counseling before it's to late to salvage your marriage. If he refuses to go, go alone. At least you'll have some help dealing with his horrible behavior. I don't know how any one could not love such a precious little one. He knew it wasn't his and he married you. Made a commitment to you. He needs to learn (through counseling) to deal with the fact that he's her dad! To heck with the biology! I pray the 2 of you can find a way back to the love that brought you to the altar in the first place! God Bless!