and it has to be a "after dinner" type speech. I am not a very funny person and i would love it if someone could give me some ideas. Thanks
207524
Hi,\nI don't think an "after dinner" speech necessarily has to be funny.  I don't know the assignment, but in Speech 101, I assume that your teacher is just trying to help you learn how to be composed and to learn to speak in front of others.  So, what I'm saying is, I don't think it's so much about what you say as how you say it.\n\nWhat about something like, "I've very much enjoyed sharing this wonderful dinner with you.  You are some of my closest friends and I'm so glad that we could be together this evening..." etc.  \n\nIf it's more for a business dinner, then  you could do the same type of thing, "I would like to take this opportunity to say how grateful I am that we could be here tonight as colleagues and as friends.  I hope you have all had a wonderful evening, as I have..."\n\nI'm just writing really fast, but you get the idea.  You'll be fine :)  Take care...
575422
This is a speech exercise in an accurate discription of a proces and not necessarily how well your process works. A process speech should be easy, just explain the process of doing ANYTHING.\n   \nSome Ideas:\nGrocery Shopping, showering, shaving, mowing the lawn, washing the car, selecting a gift for your mom, meeting a stranger, reading a newspaper, getting drunk, riding a bike, camping, swinging, picking up a guy/girl, kissing, playing an instrument, painting a wall, using a hammer, using the library's index to find a book, coloring in a coloring book, working a suduko puzzle, going fishing, planting a tomato, becoming a geek, carving a pumpkin...\n\nHope this helps.
254159
tolga party (everyone is dressed in sheets... and for fun you could be wearing one with sponge bob or some dumb superhero you loved as a kid) pizza is always a favorite even though it is NOT greek :)... give a prize for the best dressed (cash gets people's attention... maybe $20)\nOR....\nif some of your friends are also old enough to drive have a scavanger hunt. each car has 4 kids in it and each car has a set of riddles they must solve and drive to in order to pick up proof that they found the answer... if you do this one, you can do the whole CAR theme and serve anything you want to eat... (probably like pizza hehehe)
316343
theres a good site with all the business planning tools on for free.\nwww.businessballs.com\n\nIts really good and it has little funny quotes and ice breaker ideas. If you can make people feel relaxed then they are more likely to feel OK to speak up.
652088
1. Use the F-word as much as possible\n2. Use !!!!!!!!s\n3. Wear nothing but a g-string when you present\n4. Begin your presentation by saying, "I have horrible gas today."\n5. "Accidentally" open up some nasty-ass porn.
537763
Exaggerate your voice to the point where you will be laughing with them.  Use your sense of humor.  Or take speech lessons. or better yet try and sound like Clinton look where it got him!  If all else fails get some helium balloons and really freak the creeps out!!!
129488
Tell him that people only remember the speeches that are truly touching and 'out of the box' for the person. If he wants to make a good impression that will be remembered he needs to have something special. The verse sounds good.
421086
First you want to start out the speech like this:\n\n"On this very special day I would like to take the time to thank everyone who came today it means so much to both my wife and I. For those of you who helped make this all possible an extra big thank you goes out to you we couldn't have done it with out you.....\n\nGo on from there
161468
It depends on the occasion and your environment.  I assume you may be at a nice restaurant.  Thus, I'd recommend:\n\n1.  A raspberry martini w/ Chambord (a raspberry liquor) and top-shelf vodka\n2. A Cosmo\n3. Any other drink that is served in a Martini glass would be appropriate.\n4.  A mojito would also be fine, especially at any Cuban or Latin American restaurant.\n5. If you're out at a Tex-Mex or Mexican restaurant, then order a margarita.\n\nRegardless of what others have said...do not order a strawberry daiquiri, Sex on the Beach, or Long Island Ice Tea.  None of these drinks are classy and will make you appear unsophisticated if you order them over a nice dinner.  Likewise, don't order a rum and coke.  That drink is more appropriate at a bar or lounge.  Not at dinner.
467638
The best way to start is to say "you'll have to excuse me because I'm not much of a speechwriter and I'm terrified standing up here right now..."Then,your audience will give you a little slack no matter what you say.\n  Write something from the heart.Talk about how you met.Recall a time when she really came through for you as a friend.End with what an honor it is to be her bridesmaid on this very special day in her life.Don't overdue the alcohol,\nhave one or two drinks max to loosen you up.\nTake this advise,give me best answer,and I promise you'll do just fine.Good luck!
553868
" Go piss up a rope."\n\n"You should really consider having a Plexiglas's window installed in your stomach so that you can actually see first hand what your head looks like while up your as*s."  \n\n"Go die or something."\n\n"Did your mother use you as bait to distract vicious dogs or something."\n\nand my most favorite one of all times...  "People are not chocolate, but if they were, they would be Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling."     \n\nI got that from Scrubs!  \n\nGod...I have a million of these...  I speak smartas(s...  I really don't have very much vocabulary beyond the come back...
298296
PRE-PLAN your speech.\nDecide which aspect(s) of character are most important. (Honesty, courage, responsibility, leadership, loyalty, duty, respect, attitude, perseverance, my personal favorite... integrity...?) Using the trait(s) you selected, come up with a thesis statement. Your speech should center around this idea. Brainstorm at least three to five specific examples to support your statement. These may include any of the following:\nexamples from history, literature, or current events\nthe information you are given on the test\nexamples from your own personal experience\nDecide on your three strongest examples. These should be the ones you can explain in the most specific detail. In general, examples from your personal experience are easier to write about, but they are weaker in the eyes of the reader.\n\nWRITE your speech.\nStart with an introduction. Your introduction should explain what you're going to talk about in your speech, but DON'T say something like, "This speech is about..." or, "I'm going to tell you about..." Assume your audience is smart enough to figure this out. Your introduction should include some kind of HOOK--something to catch the reader's attention. There are many types of hooks. Try a question, a quotation, a definition, a statistic, a single word, an action, a description, or an unusual statement. The goal is to get your audience interested and to get them thinking.\nNext is the body of your speech. This is where you take those three strongest examples you brainstormed during your planning. Start with one you can explain very clearly.\nUse transitions in each of these paragraphs. Develop these paragraphs thoroughly. Keep the writing focused. Don't ever lose sight of your thesis statement! Everything in a paragraph should be connected, and it should all make sense together.\nGive lots of details. Poor example: "Integrity is a good quality for a person to have because it makes you a good person." Good example: "Integrity is a vital quality which allows a person to make decisions based on his or her understanding of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong.'" Poor example: "Martin Luther King, Jr., had lots of integrity because he was a good guy." Good example: "Martin Luther King, Jr., is a paradigm of integrity because he understood the importance of equality. He took it so seriously that he fought for equality, traveling around the country and speaking to innumerable people."\nUse strong words. Try to use words that will not make you sound intelligent, not supercilious.\nWrap up your speech with a competent conclusion. Watch out for these common mistakes:\nDON'T say the exact same thing you've said already.\nDON'T say something like, "Now you know about..." or, "I have just told you about..." And NEVER say "I hope you enjoyed listening to my speech!"\nUse a simple form in your conclusion. Restate your main thesis (in different words). You may want to generalize a little bit. Look for a common theme in all your examples which you can apply. You can end with another hook, if it seems appropriate.\nRemember, your conclusion is the LAST thing your audience will hear. It doesn't have to be pure genius, but it should leave a good last impression.\n\nREVIEW your speech.\nMake sure it makes sense. Check for grammatical errors; in particular, watch for sentence fragments and run-on sentences. Have a friend, family member, or teacher read it. Practice it several times by yourself and in front of a few people. Get some good feedback.\n\nGood luck! Feel free to contact me with specific questions.
675106
Aaaa ... ok. Now I see the fine print. I was going to suggest you tweak your quote to something like, "to be a great speaker, you really need ideas." Maybe you can rework it in a clever way to include both ideas.
62178
Eat a little something about an hour before your presentation - you don't want to pass out from low blood sugar due to your anxiety first of all. \n\nSecond, practice some breathing and relaxing exercises before your speech. Take a slow deep breath in with the nose, slow exhale from the mouth. Then do several mouth exercises - say the vowels A,E,I,O,U with very exaggerated facial muscle use - stretching each one as far as you can while saying them out loud. This will relax the facial muscles that you will use to speak as well as smile.\n\nForcing a smile, even when you don't feel it on the inside, really can improve your mood. \n\nDon't look directly at the people you are speaking to. Look just above their heads - they will not realize you are not actually looking at them.\n\nTry to relax. People are just people. To put it bluntly, we all still sit on the toilet, barf when we're sick, blow boogers out of our noses, do stupid things, have problems at home, etc. etc. etc. Don't ever put anyone on a pedestal, no matter who they are - it's easier to speak to people when you realize they are not above you.
525197
Anything with the king of England being very fat is a good idea. Political cartoons aren't always funny, often they are poignant and make the point through satire.\nYou could also have something about the Boston Tea party, where someone is saying "the king likes his tea salty" as they throw the tea overboard...
500909
Around here all I have to do is say "Dinner's ready!"  Sorry ... couldn't resist .... try these sites ... you may find them interesting but I don't know if they will teach you how to make a person appear magically.  Good luck with it.
356860
GO TO ANSWER ... JOKES AND RIDDLES.... you can get a good idea to start off with....\n\n\n\nGUDLUCK....and by the way i also have a movie called...\n\n\nMOMMY MOMMY WAKE UP.....ITS TIME TO SLEEP....\n\n"oldskul"