Well a lot of you say for me to move on and get over it.\nYa right that is easy for some of you but for me, it is not you see.\nI found some thing that I never know that I had, and that was love if you read my 369% \nit will explain the real me and then you will see but for the most part,I love just one person and that would be her I have tried to more on but when I look at them.\nI am not looking at them I am looking for her but as you know that you can't find some thing that is not there.\nSo now if you think that one can just move on, look at your self and then say if you found that you truly loved some one and that you found out that there was nothing that you wouldn't do for them.That you could move one!  I just want some one to live in you fu--ed up shoes for one day look at this from my point it is not easy.  I have nothing but love and she fills that she is doing what God wants her to do but I did not know that God tells us to commit adultery I thought that the Devil did that?
207009
Generally speaking, as an 'EX' it is very hard to admit the fact that you failed to carry on sucessfully with your partner in a relationship. People say to overcome, to move on... even songs have crazy phrases like 'I will survive'? Will you? Perhaps... but the fact is that there was a connection... when you have a piece of wood you can knock in nails and then take them off... but the hole is there... even if you put more wood or any other material and you sandpaper it and you varnish it... the hole IS THERE...  Nobody gets married without thinking they'll live 'happy ever after', if they didn't think this way... they wouldn't marry.  \n\nYou are always an individual, however when you decide to share your life with someone else... you are an 'I' but also you are a 'We'... it is not just 'me' but 'us'.  When you make decisions, you consider your own needs, your own desires but also the needs and desires of your partner and how this decision will affect you as a 'we' not as an 'I'.  But when one of the two starts makin' decisions as an 'I' it is just the individual, thus is not a marriage...\n\nI completely agree with you,\n\nNOW, THIS IS YOUR QUESTION:\n\nHow can you get over a 13 year, marriage with kids that you love and she will not even let you talk to them?  \n\nACCEPTANCE!  WITH THE ACCEPTANCE COMES THE PEACE... AND WITH IT DISCERNMENT... IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THE SITUATION YOU ARE LIVING... YOU'LL NEVER, EVER GET OVER IT.\n\nPerhaps wot happened to me can help.  And of course, compared to your situation... this is not a big deal but I mean the example.\n\nI wanted to study Marketing, but only private Universities offer the career... I had excellent grades, I had applied for a schoolarship and I got it.  Only the payment of the admission fee left.  My father had told me that he would pay it... and it left 2 days for the deadline when he told me he wouldn't.  I was dazed... HOW COME!  I couldn't accept that so I cried... etc.  Once I accepted that he actually wouldn't... I began to think clearly.  So I went to ask for a loan, but I didn't get it, then I went to speak to the authorities of the Uni, but they did nothing... deadlines are deadlines.  I felt frustrated, depressed and I didn't want to study any other career.  I started a career in Languages... and the first semester was a real hell... because I couldn't accept wot had happened to me.  So, I only got over that when I accepted my situation and I remain possitive that one day I will be able to study wot I really want.\n\nACCEPT YOUR SITUATION AND REMAIN POSSITIVE THAT ONE DAY EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE... THAT'S THE 'FORMULA' TO START GETTING OVER IT!\n\n,-)
61635
I admit, it's very hard for me and it's probably going to take a long time..\nbut, through Christ, I can forgive them...\n\nGod says "Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also MUST do."\n\n(Colossians 3:13)\n\nIf God forgives child molesters, so should we as His followers.\n\nForgives- sure.. Trust, however, is a different case.
604430
yeah these sound like she made up her mind of geting a divorce and she want to move on this happen in marriage you just got to get ready for a divorce and make new plan in your life there are other women out there i know it real hard on you right know but when she leave you it going to take you a few month to get over the feeling you just lost the one you love but it well get better over time. i wish you the best of luck.
656052
i don't know what to tell you...this is a touchy situation...i understand the situation you are in because i have experienced similiar things....it's hard when you love someone and they act like that...you know deep down in your heart that sometimes it's best to go on with your life without this person and never look back....but it's so much easier to say then do.. you have to just take one day at a time and look at things and ask yourself...Is this what I want to go through for the rest of my life?  Weigh your options...look at the advantages of your relationship with him compared to the disadvantages of it...this is something nobody can tell you what to do...you have to not only follow your heart on this one but you have to consider what your mind says too...
664961
just forgive them. stop counting. love as Christ loves and move on.
310324
We as people are easily blind--especially when it comes to something that will hurt us!! We want to believe the best in our partners (or even kids for that matter) if we just think happy thoughts than nothing can be wrong right?? Well this is what people do all the time! They think that if you can't see it isn't really there, it is away of protecting ourselves from getting let down, having a broken heart! No one wants to be hurt or get hurt, but it is away of life something we have to come face to face with eventually! Nothing is ever 50/50 although in marriage it should be--however there are always three sides to every story:HIS, HERS, and the TRUTH!! I am not here to judge-you or anyone-I have no right to that, and I am very sorry for what you are going through, I pray that you will be able to work this out with YOURSELF!! Remember, it is not forgive and forget-us as people never forget, and forgiving is something you have know you have in you, I am not a forgiving person, so he would be out the door for me, however, if you are please consider consoling for the family, not just you and your husband but for the kids to!! Good Luck to you all!!!:)
444247
Should they divorce and remarry their extramarital lovers?  I don't know.  It's not for me to judge another person's life or marriage.  I feel that the problem doesn't begin with the affair; the problem begins with whether or not they should've married one another or not.  It's a step "not to be taken lightly", and those aren't just pretty words that the preacher says at the wedding.  He really, really means just that.  Are they really ready for a lifetime of putting another person ahead of themselves?  I doubt it.  \n\nThe man and woman are both at fault...the other woman and her marriage are beside the point.  We're concerned mainly with this marriage between the husband and wife you speak of, right?  The woman, being Christian, shold be striving to find focus and balance in her own life, knowing herself and where she stands, knowing her own shortcomings, and bravely turning around to face her demons.  Unless you have a good foundation (one's self) anything you build outwardly will just crumble.  So she needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and see that she is not filling out her potential.\n\nThe man, regardless of his religious beliefs, still knows right from wrong.  His wife, haranguing nag though she may be, is still his wife and deserves his honesty and a measure of respect.  If for no other reason than to appease his own conscience that he has done all he can do.  She needs to be given the opportunity to change.  He needed to tell her that her behaviour is making him so unhappy and lonely that he wants to find another woman to take her place.  We all want and need the close companionship of another special person as we go through life.  It is unfair of her to deny this to him.  If she truly cannot offer that to him, it is her responsibility to let him go.  Same goes for her, if the husband had been maltreating her.\n\nPeople are imperfect.  If we base our marriages on the expectation that the other person will always behave honourably and kindly and selflessly, we're in for a shock.  Our spouses will screw up.  WE will screw up.  If you don't make allowances for the frailty of human nature, and prepare yourselves for the eventuality of needing to forgive them for their mistakes, you're stacking the deck against yourselves.
429780
see what happens when the eyes open ?those we thought were beautiful really aren't.that's hard to love through,it's like who is this person?there's a stranger in my house.I am not sure you can love the woman who resides in the body now that she's been revealed a liar and a cheat.deceit is ugly isn't ti?Do what's in your heart.if you can forgive and still love her go for it.
561925
I am a Christian and I'm also a human.  There are some people I'm still struggling to love.  It takes a total surrender to God for that.  For example, there is a man who molested me as a child and it took YEARS to come to the place where I can say I've forgiven him for what he's done.  I fervently pray that he accepts Christ as his savior.  I believe he hasn't thus far because he's afraid he'll have to confess to what he did to me and others.  He was even convicted (plead guilty) and was sent to prison for 2 years, but he maintains his innocence and said his attorney told him to plead guilty because it was a he said/she said case he couldn't win.  I still see this man at a lot of family gatherings.  The balance I've come to is that I am kind to this man, but I'll NEVER let him even pick up my child.  Luckily, I've never had to say that out loud because he's got the good sense not to try.  Sorry to be so long-winded, but I wanted you to see that there are some Christians who are really TRYING to live out the example that God set for us to follow.  It truly is a narrow path and it's difficult to stay on sometimes.
287756
How was the rest of the relationship?  There's much more to a marriage than not cheating.  Did you appreciate her or take her for granted?  Love on her or hit on her?  Listen to her or ignore her?  Care if you made her happy or content because you were?  Many things can make a relationship go astray.  Step back and take a look thru her eyes.  \nAnd then there are those that just don't appreciate a good think or know when they have one.  Which one does this describe?
499782
First of all, as a fellow brother in Christ, I want to commend you on your commitment to save sex for marriage. Too often we see people today giving into the pleasure of a few minutes, only to suffer a lifetime of pain and hurt in the future.\n\nI don't normally answer questions on here, but the situation you are in is too similar to mine for me to ignore.\n\nI have been a Christian all my life, and constantly seek to glorify Him by living and dedicating my life to Him. I also believe that sex is the ultimate expression of physical love, and is the most special gift anyone can present to the person that they want to dedicate the rest of their life to. If someone commits premarital sex, they are giving that gift away, and tarnishing any future romantic relationships they may have.\n\nNow, obviously, I am a virgin; and am extremely proud of this fact. I cannot wait to let my future wife know that I've saved myself for her. Instead of channeling my energy and resources to fulfill sexual needs, I instead look to strengthen my character and serve others.\n\nBut I've recently fallen for this girl.... She's a born again Christian, who was saved this past summer. However, her previous life was filled with sin, as she drank and had sex with guys before me, enough guys to number on 2 hands.\nI was so devastated when I found out. I was literally torn because I only had one romantic relationship before this point, and had only gone as far as a kiss.\nNeedless to say, I was more than a little hurt. In fact, I don't believe anything or anyone else hurt me as much as she did when she told me that.\nI was ready to just end things at that point.\n\nBut then I remembered. If God, who is the only one who is perfect and holy, can forgive us for all our sins without judgment, who are we to judge others and use their past against them. If she really came to God after her mistakes of the past, and surrendered herself to his forgiveness and mercy, then she is literally, emotionally, and spiritually a new person.\nGod calls us to forgive one another, and if a perfect God can forgive our sins, both past and current, without question (as long as we are sincere!) and love us with the greatest love of all; shouldn't we as Christians (who are also guilty of sin) replicate that love toward one another?\n\nI'm not saying it's easy. My heart aches and burns daily from the suffering that her past brings to me. But I trust that God will allow us to overcome this obstacle, and allow our relationship to prosper. As the first guy she even kissed after God came into her life, I know that she's changed.\nI'm going to continue to trust in God that He will allow me to get over her past; because who she is now is someone who makes me happy and has allowed me to experience love.\n\nIf you really love your girlfriend, pray about it. She's a new person now, she has Jesus in her.\nPlease keep Jesus Christ in the center of your life and of your current relationship. That's the only way that your relationship will be able to reach it's true potential.\n\nBe blessed.\n\nIn Him....
100419
Part of life and dating is finding out exactly what you are looking for in a man.  All of us get hurt at one time or another, some of us more often than others.  The heartache comes from having a strong connection with the individual, and then one day everything is gone, and IF we are lucky we may maintain a friendship with that individual (but how often does that happen?).  I know, I'm dealing with this now.  Yes it hurts.  Those men that have greatly impacted my life and are no longer in it....I never really forget them, they are just not always in the forefront of my mind, but I still think of them, some more than others.  It's ok to never completely let go of them in your mind.  I have had to write in a notebook to him, at least I don't feel so overwhelmed with my thoughts this way.  Be strong, it's hard, but we all go through this.\n\nLike they say:  It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved before.....\n\nand: Things come and go from our lives, it's how we loved them and how much we loved them the time they were here that counts.\n\nIf you care for this person and have showed it to him....he won't forget you, he will use you as a comparison for his next relationships, and that can be a good thing.
152218
Are you holding anything back?  God wants you to get real with him.  He knows all about you already, tell him your fears and He WILL comfort and help you.  I have been in your situation.  I have had to learn like others have said, there is not always that magic feeling that we want to feel and that is where faith comes in.  You have to remember, the devil knows all about you also, and he will do everything in his power to make you doubt yourself and most of all doubt God.  Clear your mind and ask God what is going on, He will reveal His path for you.  When I was saved I did feel different, I knew it was real, but the peace and presence of God that He has shared with me came much later after I grew in faith and wanted a real relationship with God not just seeking a feeling.  Keep close to God, find spiritual friends and leaders, and spend time with them each day.  God loves you, He is leading you through this and I have learned those times when I have felt down and out of the loop with God, -if I kept the faith- He always brought me out stronger than before.  Seek Him with all you heart, trust me He WILL answer.
222563
I have mixed feelings about this one. I fell out of love with my husband years ago. I stayed because he was all I knew and we have 2 kids. My mistake was that i didn't confront him when i began to notice I didn't love him any more. Instead, i  told myself it'll get better. But it got worse.\n\nIn my experience, once it's gone, it's gone. I am now divorced and am OK with it. You are right about there is something in a woman's eyes. My husband said the same thing to me.\n\nI'm sorry I couldn't give you something more positive to stand on.
556819
You can answer this your self. Just sit and think about....does the thought of walking away hurt more than the Happiness and bliss you will feel if yall were together...never give up on love!!!!!
640155
You have to now figure out if this is good for you.  She apparently doesn't know what she wants.  Either she's fearful of the life that could include being with the same person until death, or she can't handle being faithful.  She's hurting you, but does she realize it?  Have you ever just sat down with her to figure out what the deal is?  I'm sorry to say that I think a divorce would be the best thing.  She obviously has some issues, and no one can get through to her.
386949
I am very sad that you are hurting so much. Some wounds are very deep and take a long time to heal. You deserve to be loved and cared for! I can't even imagine how much it must hurt to have someone you care about so much do that to you. I don't know if you believe in God, but I do and I believe that he can heal us. I believe that forgiveness is the key to overcoming your hurt. I know it is extremely difficult, but if you can try to push angry feelings away and forgive him for what he has done, you will feel better. I do not believe that finding someone else is the right solution. It is a way to cover or bury your pain, but not heal it. Pray for strength, don't be ashamed to cry, and turn to good friends for support. I will keep you in my prayers as well.