my fiance and i have been together for 4 years now and we're planning to get married next year.i asked for advice here 5 days ago. i'm so frustrated.my fiance is the only son of a very wealthy family.my family's not poor and i'm definately not a gold diggger.his mother is against the match-from the very start.i don't know why she hates me, i never gave her reason to. i honestly tried to like her..my fiance's mother threatened to disown mike(my fiance).mike doesnt really care about it but i dont want to be the cause of it.i tried to patch things up with her but she really is against me.and frankly, i dont want mike to be disowned.he's inheritance is worth roughly 2.2 million dollars, excluding the Co. & the properties owned by his family.im not saying i'm marrying him for money-honestly.i just dont want him deprived of what is rightfully his.i know hes sacrificing alot w/c makes me feel really guilty.i love him,shud i stil go on w/ the wedding w/o his mothers approval?
216828
I think his mother is scheming to pretend to disown him to find out whether you're a gold digger should you leave him (after he's "disowned"), then she'll have a point to prove to her son to justify why she doesn't like you and thinks you're wrong for her son and that you're only after the money. Women can be canniving like that. I mean, other than that, I don't know why else she would want to disown her only son unless she wants all the money to herself - which proves she's not a very good mother. So this means if I were you, I wouldn't give a rat's @$$ about her because this is really showing her true colors. Don't let someone like that ruin your happiness. If you know deep in your heart that you love your fiance and that you are definitely not going after the money, you two should go on with the wedding and be happy together. If you ask me, this will anger the mom even more and THAT is satisfying! :)
397261
H.  I don't know why you have to ask what you should do.  To marry because you don't want to hurt family, or to save yourself from embarrassment is ludicrous.  No one should enter into marriage unless they love their fiance and plan to stay with them til death do they part. It is really not fair to your fiance to begin this union feeling the way you do, and have you even considered what kind of life would any children have if you did not love their mother.  There really is nothing to contemplate.  You should break off the engagement, stop the wedding and go on with your life.  Marry only when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with the chosen one. Good Luck!
586351
First, Darlin', know that she wants 2 things. One, to be valuable, and two, she really is trying (in her own way) to look out for you. My son (Ian) and I just had this conversation yesterday. He (Ian) is almost 28 now and we were talking about Mike, his brother (they are twins) who got engaged at 20 to a woman 7 years older than he was. At the time I told his brother that he was too young and inexperienced to be ruling out his options, and that marring a woman that did have experience would mean that he would never win an argument with her or be equal in the relationship. He (Mike) thought I was raining on his parade. Yesterday his brother (Ian) and I were talking about how it is so hard to shut your mouth when you have had years of experience and know what your children don't. Ian was saying that he wished that his brother (who is now married with a small child) had listened, and that he can now really understand how frustrating it is for a parent to have experience and want to protect their child. \n\nIt is really hard on your mom for you to grow up. She is afraid that you won't need her anymore and she is trying to prove her worth by giving advice, a little too enthusiastic, I agree, but still, try to keep where she's coming from in mind. So, why don't you try this. The next time you are expressing a thought and she cuts you off, say "wait just a second, Mom. I really want to know what you think and I want to make sure you have all my thoughts before you give me yours, that way you will have all the information and I won't have to interrupt you." Try it and let me know if it works. If it doesn't, I can think of a couple of other tactics. \nGood luck!
314847
I FEEL SO BAD! Where's the time for you? I didn't see anything for you at all. I didn't see any counseling for yourself. My fiancee has ADHD also and I know how that part of what you're going through. We're not married yet, but it's taken quite a bit to get his mom to finally accept our relationship but, your mothers treatment is UNACCEPTABLE! You ever watch the Nanny on tv? She says a childs behavior is UNACCEPTABLE quite a bit. She's not a child (which would be more Acceptable) she should be showing you more respect. You can only do what you can handle. You're first priority is to yourself and your immediate family. Meaning you, your children and your spouse. Your husband needs to stand up to the plate. (as my fiancee finally did) He needs to back you when it comes to his mother. His first priority is with you and your children. He also needs to be helping you with the children and around the house as much as possible. Even though he doesn't work, you two need to have a night out once-in-awhile by yourselves. Maybe, you can talk to your mother-in-law about a limit of times to help her and she in return watches the children for you night out. By this I mean EQUAL TIME. As far as the bills, reality isn't that your mother-in-law is going to pay the bills. First off, I don't see if you're living with your mother-in-law but, if you are that's going to be a majority of the problem. Which getting your own place would be greatly advised. There are places that can help with deposits and financial resources. In all, it makes me believe you are living with your mother-in-law and that's going to be a very hard and stressful situation. My advise is to move. Your husband may be ADHD (so is my fiancee) but, he still needs to know he is to be responsible. Write down what he needs to do and try to involve the children in all the chores. Watch "The Nanny." Or go online if you can't get that show in. She helps not only the children but, the relationship with the parents towards how to keep everything together. You're not a work horse and no one should treat you according. Good Luck!
154947
two people unevenly yoked can have seriously issues along the way.\n\nmarriage is a decision. Either your decide to be married to a person until the day you die, or else you decide not to. If you decide to be married to someone, that means that youre married to him even on the days you hate him.\n\nIn the long run, if your parents cant seem to get along with him, it can be a major pain in the ass. My inlaws are IMPOSSIBLE. i do my best to stay in touch and be polite, but i avoid spending much time (aside from a few hours on the holidays) with them. and i know this hurts my husband, he loves his parents, even for all their faults, but its soooo hard for me to WANT to like them, let alone be part of their disfuctional lives. \n\nHe has to make the decision to be part of your parents to a level that will suffice for you and them. Otherwise it cant work. \n\nAnd as for being in different religions, it might not seem like something huge now, but along the way somewhere it can cause you two to be following different goals.\n\nSit down, find common ground, make goals and decisions.  And then decide to stick with them come rain or shine, like or hate. doesnt matter, you wouldnt disown your mother, you cant disown your husband.\n\nbeing married is the easiest impossible thing to do in life. the first couple years SUCK MAJOR A$$! I promise you will rethink everything. but after the 1-2 year mark, you find a rythem and everything starts to settle into place. Two people learning to be one is seriously sooooo incredibly hard. even if you live together now, it changes sooo much the moment you get married. \n\nBut it seriousy compares to nothing. I cant imagine life without my husband. Hes my best friend, and worst enemy. I love him every moment i cant stand him. lol. Its the most imperfect paradise ever.\n\nI seriously love being married!! i need to go kiss my hubby.... if he's not picking something or farting...
587438
This is not about you or your boyfriend's son.  This is about your boyfriend.  I can pretty much guarantee you that he has made it clear that he is going to be with you and she is PISSED OFF!!! It has a little to do with what you do for the son, but it has more to do with what you are getting and have.  You have to remember that you have the life she would of had if she wasn't such a b*****.  There is no way that anyone can talk to her about this because she is too angry and irrational right now.  Basically, you cannot reason with crazy people.  However, your boyfriend does have some rights if he is paying child support.  She CANNOT keep him from seeing his son if he is paying child support.  If he has to take her to court to get visitation, then go to court.  If he isn't paying child support, then he's got a problem.  Of course you do not want to put the child through custody battle, but it might come down to that if he's not paying.  Most importantly, do not give up fighting to see him.  Bring in a mediator, go see a priest, hire a witch doctor, whatever, but do not give up on this child.  Even if his mother does not see it, I am sure that this little boy felt safe in your home with his two brothers, his father and you.  And no matter how this turns out remember that if she continues to do this, that little boy is going to resent and hate her.  Every kid needs to know their parents and when he gets a little older and understands what she's done, I pretty sure that he is going to go running to his father and she might be left with nothing.  So keep the door unlocked for him.
638827
i can tell you one thing, i have been in your shoes. when my husband and i first got together his mom and his sister hated me. and that was ok because the feeling was mutual. he basicaly looked at his mom and told her "hey this is the girl i want to be with, forever, and if you don't like it that to f** bad. " His mom wasn't very happy with this. he moved out of the house and moved in with me. She only saw him on holidays because he didn't want anything to do with her if she wasn't going to accept me. And yes i know it has to do with "taking away her baby boy" blah blah blah. His mom didn't like me until 2 yrs later when i gave birth to her granddaughter. Mind you, we were already married. So my advice to you is be kind, be nice and take it with a grain of salt. If he loves you then he will be the one to step up and say somethig to his family. He'll be a man about the situation and explain to everyone that you are the one for him and they need to accept you and respect you and the relationship that he has with you. Good Luck!
171791
It sounds to me like you are not ready to get married \nNow with regard to how you handle the situation....It is a very sticky situation that you alone would have to answer, to help you answer I suggest asking yourself these questions:\n\nWhy am I engaged to my fiance?  Is it what I want?....Is he the person with whom I'd love to sit on the porch with a cup of tea when I am eighty.\n\nWhat about my ex....Why are we apart?...Why didn't things work out?....What is different this time?\n\nIf I leave my fiance for my ex, how secure would he feel in a relationship with me?....Would he be concerned about losing me again to someone else?....Should he be?\n\nWhy does he want me back is it because my fiance made me a better person?\n\nWhat character traits my ex has that my fiance doesn't and viser versa ?....How does that compliment of affect me\n\nThere are more questions that you should ask, the answer you'ld find when you answer those questions.
608035
I am in a similiar situation.\n\nMy someday soon-to-be sister inlaw is very irritating to me.  She is Very judgemental, opinionated and I wouldnt be surprised if she hates the idea of us someday getting married.  So, needless to say, I really understand your situation.  Now what to do... I will give you the best advice I can, even though I havent yet solved my own situation.   \nFirst of All ~ Always remain focused on your man and on your relationship with him.  He is the one you are with.\nAt family Events ~ Try finding someone else that you can hang out with and/or relate to.  Or, spend extra time in the Kitchen helping with food preps or other busy work.  Be Helpful.  If she is mean to you then she will look like a real loser.  You will look great cooking, helping etc.\nHope these tips help.  Best wishes to you.  Be yourself I am sure that is good enough.  OH & don't worry too much, most of what we worry about never actually Happens!!!
534436
Keep in mind that when you get married, you're not just marrying the man, you're marrying his family.  Unfortunately for you, his family involves children and by association, their loony mother.  \n\nI think you need to discuss your reason for hesitation with .  Do not be confrontational or demand things, as that will make him feel like he has to defend himself (and possibly her).  Just talk.  Then let him talk.  If you are simply explaining your feelings without any accusations and he becomes defensive, then I would worry.  If his response is satisfactory, then lean toward the "yes."  \n\nUnfortunately, if you choose to marry him, she will be a part of your life.  You can hope that after the wedding she will accept that you're the new wife, but there's no guarantee (and it could get worse!).  My husband had a kind of obsessed ex-fiancé (thank goodness no children were involved), and the month of our wedding, he took her out to dinner and just talked.  She actually approached it like a rational human being and realized that he wasn't marrying me to spite her and that he wasn't the person that he was when they were dating.  \n\nI hope for your sake that something like that can happen and that things do calm down.  I also admire you for taking the time to think it through rather than just saying yes and plunging ahead with the potential of being miserable later!  Congratulations on the proposal, and best of luck!
524008
I'll advise you stick to hope that things will improve with time. Your friend's brother is probably still angry about something that may have happened in your relationship with your fiancee or with himself. You may need to summon courage to ask to discuss your differences. Meanwhile stick to hope and the positive - the fact that your fiancee still sticks up for you. She and mom are still on your side, aren't they? That's enough to sustain hope. Best wishes for a happy resolution.
22573
OK, hon. First of all, you don't need to prove your love to him. No matter what anybody says. No matter who you date, they will never be good enough for mommy and daddy. (Unless they pick the person) Second, don't focus so much on love. Give it time. I don't know how old you are, and personally I don't consider it an issue. If you focus on love, you will be heartbroken if things don't work out. I'm not saying set your standards low. I am not saying don't love this person. What I am saying is spend time with him. Enjoy the relationship. Don't get married young. And for gods sake don't get married without first living with the person. People seem VERY different when you have to share space with them. Trust me about that one. Don't rush. True love doesn't need a wedding band. If you love someone, being with that person should be enough. Sex is nice, but even that isn't necessary. The company of your significant other is all that is necessary. If you two love each other than that is all that matters. Marriage and sex are over rated. (Sex is nice, but still over rated) If you love him then your parents will eventually come to the realization that he is sticking around. They will either come to accept it, or they will disown you. I know this. I have been married. I was only 19. I told my parents the day before. At first they accused me of being crazy. They made some pretty insulting comments, and I told them to go fuck themselves. They learned to accept my wife and even grew to like her. You are your own person. Heres a motto that my stepfather taught me. "If you don't fuck me, feed me, or pay my bills......Go fuck yourself!" Your family is an important part of your life, but you didn't choose them. You were born with them. You couldn't change who they were. Your boyfriend is somebody that you chose to bring into your life. Your parents should respect your decisions. And if they think you are a fool for being with him...... remind them of who taught you. What examples did you have to follow. They are the 2 biggest influences in your life. Whether you know it or not. Everything that you have witnessed from them as a child has molded you to be the person that you are today. Everything from not enough hugs to the overprotectiveness. They have made you who you are. If they are unhappy with that, then they should try to do a better job next time.
493056
You should make the choice.  I understand where your family is coming from - but I hear the love you have for him in the tone of your letter.  This is going to be one of life's "not so fair" choices.  You are 18 now.  You have a very grown up decision to make.  My best advice is to make completely sure that he is as wonderful as you think he is, cause this could separate you from the family who has loved you all your life.  I have an 18yr old son and it would kill me if he went against my wishes and married someone I didn't approve of.  Just BE SURE before you do anything.  Money and status are wonderful, but cannot replace a family.   Think long and hard.  Good luck!!
75793
oh please! dont even listen to them. just tell, \n\n"dad,mom, i am the one getting married here.i am going to live with this guy for the rest of my life and if i do not have feelings for him, the marriage will never last. i have someone i love and my heart is with him and i am getting married to him. i would really appreciate it if i could get ur blessings, but if not, i will still marry him"\n\nsimple and short! gurl, they wont live with you and this "certain" guy. if they reallly like him, guess wat?they can get married to him. or have him live with them. sheesh!\n\ndo wat ur heart tells u anyway!
139246
You should talk to him. He might be talking bad about you to his friends and family. Your the one that is going to get married with him, not his friends or family. So just forget about them and live your life with your fiance.
444332
You need to bring your groom into this mix to help calm his mother down...it is understandable that she is excited and wants to spend all this money on your wedding, but that is the key word...YOUR wedding!!! There is a traditional list of things that the bride's family pays for and another of what the groom's fmaily pays for...a lot of couples don't follow it anymore because most of the time they pay for thigns themselves. However, it might be a good thing to break out to show your future mother in law so that she settles down a bit on the spending. Tell your fiance that his mother is stepping on some toes and you want her to back off. Also, just because the MOG is buying things, that doesn't mean that you have to use them...it might be rude, but if you didn't ask for them then don't use them. It really shouldn't matter how much each party is spending, but it will matter to them...so make sure you get help from the groom and break the news easy.
481639
This girl sounds a little confused if she's engaged to someone she doesn't like...why would she have said yes to the proposal? This decision should be completely up to her. She has to decide if she wants to break the engagement or not. As for your family, I know you love and respect them, but this is your life and only you can pick the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with.