My husband and I have been together for almost 4 yrs now of which we have been married for one. Recently he decided to contact his ex girlfriends including the one he lost his virginity to, I told him that I didn’t know why he did it and that it really upset me. He said he was sorry, that he didn’t think it would matter but he needed closure because he really loved these girls in the past and they really hurt him, he wanted them to see how good he was doing now... I said fine and we left it at that thinking it was just gonna be that one time. But I've notice that now when he goes to check his messages (which he does frequently now) there is usually a message from one of his ex's. It really pisses me off that he is writing back in forth with them, I don’t see a point. It would have been different if he did this at the beginning of our relationship but not now. What should I do?
204217
Keep him in check, tell him it's them or you!!!  Regardless how much these girls hurt him, why in the heck would he want to turn around and contact them? It would be a completely different story if he ran into one of them at a store and talked to them for a few minutes and drop it at that, but I think he should not even look back about his past.  He should be looking in the present and future and be gald that he found the woman of his dreams.
329011
You have a right to be pissed.  Make it clear if he is planning on talking to this girl again he better tell you first and it better be for a good reason.  Unfortunately I know how close a group of old friends can be and if he isn't lying then what he did isn't that bad except he should have told you first.  Beyond that your only other option is leaving him but if everything else is good in your relationship that seems like a pretty silly step.
23647
1) He lied to you more than once.\n\n2) He is stringing along two women.\n\nThere is an old saying that goes, \n\n"Fool me once, shame on you.\nFool me twice, shame on me."\n\nLove is hard, but it becomes even harder when sex clouds your judgement. Only you can really know what is best for you. If it were me, I would let him go. Obviously he needs to get something out of his system. WHile he is doing so though, he is also putting you at risk for a broken heart and possibly an STD. Perhaps he needs to see what life would be like without you. I would not exactly be sitting by the phone while he took the time to find out what he wanted out of life either. It is true, maybe now he is ready to change. On the flip, he could also be trying to see how far he can really go with both of you. If both of you keep giving in, he can always have his cake and eat it too.\n\n"If you love something, let it go.\nIf it comes back to you, it is yours forever.\nIf it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with . . ."\n\nJust something to think about . . .
166172
I would be pretty upset if I found out my husband had “secret female friends,” I'm sorry I mean “private friends.” It sounds fishy. I would be suspicious. You need to ask more questions...If it is so harmless then why would he hide it from you for so long? Why are all of his private friends female? I wouldn't accuse him of cheating entail there was prove. But you should defiantly keep a close eye on this situation.
125629
Do you want him to confront you about every relationship you had in the past?  The past is the past and you weren't together so it is best to just let it go.
528725
The question is do he talk to you about what his exes want? I would ask questions instead of flaring off at times because if he has not shown you any signs that they are still involve it shouldn't be a problem. Do they have children together? If so that could be the conversation. You two should communicate much more than you do so you will feel more comfortable about the visits. I understand the hurt. First you should go to God for answers to your marriage because He made you two and He knows best for you two. God bless you.
161241
Coming from experience, and in my case, I was engaged to someone about 14 years ago and about 2 years ago, I was in my homestate for my grandmother's funeral. I came through my ex's hometown and there was alot of unresolved issues at the time he broke off the engagement without a real reason. I decided to try to find out what his story was and to wanted to know why he did what he did. I mailed a long letter, asking the questions and searching for the answers I was looking for. He hurt me pretty badly by leaving without a real reason and he got the letter and wrote back. If you do decide to contact an old ex about unresolved issues on why your relationship ended, after you get your answers, move on. Accept the answers and accept that as closure. If your ex wants to be "friends" after the both of you aired it all out, my advice would be, don't be friends. Afterall an ex, is an ex for a reason. If you try to be "friends", old feelings will stir up, you could fall back in love with that person and you'll end up paying for it at the end. My ex wanted to be "friends" and I agreed to that but here it is 2 years later, I decided it was too late to try to be friends and realized he was never a friend in the first place. What my ex did was hurtful and I decided a while back that I didn't want anything to do with him period and I ended the friendship. I realized that he was never a friend in the first place. Get your closure, get the answers you're searching for, and move on. As for your wife, she is right, you know. Why open a bag of old wounds? You're with your wife now, stick to the present, don't look back at the past. There is really no good reasons to try to "resolve" anything. As for the ex's sexual abuse, she needs to deal with that.
541708
Were you wrong to tell his ex... Not at all.  The key word is "ex".  If his relationship with her is really over then it shouldn't matter to him if his ex knows that he is with another girl.  Mind you, it does depend on how long ago they broke up. For instance, if they were together for a long time and they just broke up a week ago... it might be a bit soon for him to have a new girl in his life.  This would for sure hurt his ex and he might be mad at you if this is the case, but nevertheless he is the one being inconsiderate not you.   If the relationship has been over for awhile, then he should have told her about you himself... you should be the one mad at him for not mentioning you.  You are not a rebound chick.   Perhaps you need to ask him what his relationship is with his ex.  Likewise, if the relationship is really over what is big deal with his ex knowing that he has moved on (providing he has moved on). It sounds like he might have a lot of baggage.  Make sure that this is something you want to be involved with before you get too involved.  There are plenty of great guys out there.  Good Luck!
24582
The answer by vanessitacool is right on the money.  This is a straight forward situation where you really need to walk away.  But based on the background in your question, I sense that you may have a little trouble understanding why.  So I will offer a little bit more.\n\nConsider that you may be only hearing what you want to hear.  The fact that he said that he 'cared for you' and that 'it wasn't working'.  Sound contradictory when taken as sentence fragments, but in reality they are part of a much bigger communication context.  I suspect that if you didn't just listen for what you want to hear, the message would sound alot more clear cut.\n\nAlso when he says that he is ready to try again and start over, that may just be driven by some alterior motive (sex).  Men will say/do almost anything for that, and given that he is much older it is very conceivable that he is well versed in maniuplating younger more impressionable and vulnerable women.\n\nDon't be a victim of these games.  You deserve better.
99230
seems fishy, like he's either hiding something or just refuses to openly communicate with her anymore in which case, if I were her, I'd ease on out of this relationship & move on with my life....a relationship without open communication is no relationship at all.
436072
My husband knows every single detail of my sordid past.  Stripping, drug use, partying with coke dealers, etc, etc, etc.  He puts it behind us.  All he cares about is who we are now and how we treat each other.  If he wasn't there then he doesn't know how it really was.  If he doesn't want to accept you for who you are now, because of who you were then....\n.....he isn't worth the effort.  So tell him what I said.  If he can't get over it still, leave him and find another guy, 'cause you'll never be happy and neither will he.
461284
Wow, I'm sorry but...what? I don't understand hardly a thing that you wrote. Please fix your writing next time. Anyhow, from what I can tell? Dump him. There is to much drama in this relationship for what's it worth. You deserve a guy who respects you and you deserve the best. We all do. Good luck and God bless.
390197
B4 my husband and I got married he was still talking/writting (really sweet emails) to his ex who cheated on him....I found out accidentally...anyway....I wanted to leave...he started begging and crying....so I stayed...like an idiot and even married him....bad mistake...he still talks to a different ex, whom he sends money to...(my hard earned money)....I am about to divorce him...and he did that crying crap again...I told him to F... off! oh and he is in the military...wonder what they do during deployments???...well some of them anyway.\n\nso yes it hurts...because I trusted him not to cheat on me....and we have 2 lil babies....anyway...they are better off without him....since he doesn't have time for them...I can conquer the world...I am smart and educated and can look after the well being of my babies....and he can go ahead and catch a STD..who cares...lol!!!  All the best!
272134
Sounds like he is having a really hard time letting go. It probably wasn't a good idea to get back into the dating scene as fast as he did. If he's kept all of her old letters, pictures, and gifts, then he really needs to take the time and figure out what he wants to do. It's very likely that he still has feelings for her especially since they were engaged. Have a talk with him and tell him how you feel about the situation. Then, tell him how you feel. Good luck to you!
601305
You haven't been doing anything wrong. He has made the mistake. I know this because I almost lost my girl because of the same mistake. He's taking you for granted. Hes so used to you being there and the things you do he's forgotten what he did to deserve those things from you. You just have to make him aware, because he's confident that you won't go anywhere else. You probably won't but that doesn't give him the excuse to not do the things that make and made you happy and want to be in this relationship in the first place. Hope things work out and don't settle for anything less then what you want.
136302
We all make mistakes some more drastic than others. We sometimes learn from our mistakes. However, the healing process is painful. When you apologize to him for having an affair don't expect things to just get back to normal right away because he's hurt and most of all embrassed. Also, don't throw the past in his face, telling him he's the reason why you had an affair or if he was doing what he was suppose to it wouldn't have happened. We have to learn to love the person we married and expect change, wheather good or bad. Besides, God knows your heart. If you need to talk or need prayer please feel free to contact me personally at wisdom_women@yahoo.com.
286231
i hear your question because it's the way i hope the women that cheated with my husband one day will feel sometimes i think she will realize this too late as a punishment and she will be too old to start over in life unlike me because she knew he was married, but i have good and bad days for the most part i let it go and just feel sorry for her and think to myself she is even stupidier than me because he was married and was  showing who he was i'm so glad to hear you woke up but probably because he forced you to by actually ending the relationship thats what happened to me the best thing that could have ever happened Hopefully the next fool will wake up real soon so he will get a chance to be a better guy before it's to late because it's women that really allow these guys to be the assholes they are. I know exactly what your talking about when you say name calling ect my husband convinced the other women i was crazy ect which is a manipulation tactic that allows them to keep doing what there doing and not feel guilty about it anyways you should definitely apologize to his ex-wife even though she probably never thinks about him anymore because the days he consumed her are gone these guys suck the life out of women your consuming days will be gone soon too. She probably will tell you you don't have to apologize for jumping in and catching all the hell from him that was suppose to be hers she'll probably thankyou i know thats what i would do if my x's wife ever said sorry to me. Yes you should definitely apologize though it's nice to be validated and it's never to late to start doing the rite thing because as you just have learned you reap what you sow. It's never to late to start sowing good seeds when you get over all your anger and sorrow one day you might suprise yourself and start praying for him and the one he's with now thats probably what his ex did for you. After all he left you so somebody must be praying for you!!!!---when your 'happily' remmaired & have a man that loves you back you'll know what i mean by this. Godbless