I am getting them day in and day out and I want to be able to understand why. I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused by my brother and my dad is a recovering alcoholic. I am not whining I am just trying to understand what is wrong with me and why I am so intent to end my life. Seriously I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
198832
I think suicidal thoughts are actually caused when someone feels trapped in a hopeless situation. You don't really want to be dead or end your life. You just can't find a way to end the situation you are in. You aren't dumb and you aren't stupid, you're scared and you don't know what else you can do. \n\nWell, the best way to end those thoughts would be to give yourself an alternative, a third choice.  What can you do? \n\n1.Do you still see your father and brother on a regular basis? If this is a problem, think of ways to avoid them. Devise a plan to move to a location where you will be far enough away to never see them. I would guess that you don't owe them anything, so don't worry about them.\n\n2.Are you plagued with thoughts and feelings that remind you of your past? The best thing to do is see a doctor. You can take some medication to calm your nerves and allow yourself to maintain an emotional balance. You can see a psychologist to help you deal with these memories and attack the problem at it's source. Many people also find meditation and exercise theroputic. There are many books on this subject.\n\n3.Do you feel alone, like no one understands you? There are many people who have been through similar situations that you have been in. Thanks to the internet, many of these people can talk to each other and discuss how they deal with it. \n\nIt may not happen over night but by putting a plan in place you can begin working on that goal.  You have been asking a lot of questions and it is clear that many people here care about you a lot. Remember that we are thinking about you and we want you to take control of your life and begin healing.
344483
Are you serious? It looks like you have a heavy burden on your shoulders. Nobody hates their life so much without realizing they need help. What happened to you in your childhood?\nYou need help. Professional! Immediately!
199091
my mother was an alcoholic. I am not.\n\nIt can be hereditary. If NO ONE in your family has this disease, they may have began drinking at a very young age. \n\nI urge you to find them help. My mother died two weeks before my 13th birthday. She was 41 years old. She slipped in our bathtub and her she had a hemorage in her brain. This caused a stroke. She would have lived for all we know but because she had drank so much throughout her life her blood vessels had thinned out. When they had to put the feeding tube in they scratched the lining of her stomach. Because her blood vessels were so thinned out, her stomach filled up with blood and she died. \n\nAt the time she died she had been a 6 month RECOVERED alcoholic. \n\nIt is very dangerous. I hope maybe you can share my story with your children and show them the severity. It takes a lot of will power and many scare tactics for most people to over come this illness. They have to hit "rock bottom" before they can recover many times and no telling how severe that bottom can be.\n\nMy mother was a wonderful person, I never even caught on to her drinking problem until years after her death. Not all alcoholics are the "happy" type. I was fortunate to get the time I had with her. \n\nHer mother is still alive and the devestation that she has gone through due to loosing her daughter is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I feel it was much worse than how I suffered and I would hate for you to end up in her position.\n\nPlease Take Care and I will pray for you and your family.
529785
i live with a recovering drug addict and alcoholic..its not heavy drugs but over the 10 years of using they have made him very paranoid and very angry. i love him and respect him for getting help and am very proud of what he has achieved so far but its been very very hard. the first month was horrible the anger inside him boiled over..my feelings however have been pushed aside... i feel very low as all my energy goes in to keeping him happy so he dont go back..i work and am a mother also so i look after him and our daughter...it does take over but there is light at the other end.he doesnt stress outso much and is more loving..the pain at the moment is going away....i hope you stick with him..why not get your self out a bit go do an evening course i do floristry its very relaxing for me and im acheiving some thing...
28616
I believe the way a person acts has nothing to do with family background. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad is a druggy.  I have nothing to do with those things. Most of it makes me sick. My grandparents are also both alcoholics. It is a little sad, but I have to try and stay away from all of them because it is so grose to me.  I believe that if a person really doesn't want to do something, they won't. People can make an impression on you, but it's how you take it that shows what kind of person you are!
196688
I know how you fill, I was abused too but don't ever think it is your fault. I and still working through my problems and it never seems like it is going to get better, but you have to find some reason why you want to live. And yes there are reasons out there to live. I have tried to kill my self 3 times and believe me it is hard, then i realized that i would be doing my abuser a favor by getting red of my self for him. you need to seek therapy and i know that your not insane, so you probably think you don't need to but if you don't you will end up driving your self crazy by not knowing why you are filling this way!!! Also move on , get something started...put all your energy in school or sports, something like that, even friends!!!!!! If you need to talk more you can e-mail me. I know life hurts and its hard but just be strong and you never know what the future holds for you!!
402036
I had a abusive childhood to, my father abused me, even now after 20 years sometimes it still hurts so much, bruses can be seen and heal but scars on the inside remain - they maybe hidden but remain for life. I think when you have been hurt and rejected by a parent it hurts so much because it's not meant to happen, your parents are meant to be the ones that love, support, care for, and protect you no matter what, they are the ones that made you! the fact that they are the ones hurting you is so confussing and wrong. Sometimes even now, i feel why me?  after my father, my mother became ill and rejected me, i had no other family or friends.\n My father contacted me again when i was 18, to confirm that he could find me where ever i was, and to remind me that the abuse was all my fault!, as i was "such a horriable child"! I know this wasnt the case, i was seen and not heard, to scared to be noticed, I went on to marry someone at 17 who was the same as my father, after 11 years of abuse from him too, i had a breakdown, he visited me in hospital just the once while i was on suicide watch to tell me to "go ahead as your useless and unwanted" i had hit rock bottom, so i decided to fight, fight against all the people that told me i was nothing, it has been hard, lonely, frightening sometimes, and like i said you have moments when you feel that twang of pain and desparation, dont dwell on it, they were the bad ones not you. turn your back and walk away, The hardest thing i find is with my little boy, knowing not only does he not have a grandfather,but his father repeated the rejection and fear that happened to me as a child, and that was something i didnt want. Now however, 2 years later i am married again, to the most wonderful man ever, there is happiness out there, but you need to take the chance to believe you deserve it, and fight for it. I dont think i will ever feel perfect, but i know my son and i have the right to happiness, Counselling has helped me alot to, so much so i am on my way to becoming a counsellor myself, Try talking to your doctor to, years of people telling you your nothing takes it toll, antidepressants can help give you that little bit of clear thinking that you need to escape. In answer to your question: Nothing, your human, alot more human than those who hurt you.Good luck
237967
Well I'm here right with you... The man I feel in my heart is my soulmate has the same problems as your ex... in fact because of the last incident that occured two months ago, were I came home from my father's after visiting for a few hours and he became very physically abusive, I left him... but i guess my heart stayed with him.. I still keep in contact with him, we talk twice a week, I love him more than anyone could ever imagine... he knows that I would take him back but he would need to get help... we tried once a year ago while we were together, but he didn't want the help for himself (he wasn't ready), he was doing it for me... the important thing is not to push them to do anything they don't want because then they may become resentful... I love him so much, it breaks my heart when I see him, because looking at him I know that he's not taking care of himself (he's diabetic, 31, and insulin dependent)... I always remind him that I really fo care and love him, and that when he's ready to get help, I'll be right there with him... just make sure that he wants the help.. if anthing email me... we can chat
557166
I feel for you deeply, My brother has been like this for 29 years of his life,he has tried to take his own life twice been sectioned once and still the same,he justs exsists really he goes nowhere and has only contact with family! Sorry I cant help you and I hope you find your true self again good luck!
673347
I was once in the same situation for 10 years...I was verbally abused as well as physically abused...we had 2 children...in 60's we had no place to escape to...I eventually was given a way out.....our son is in prison because of his painful childhood....so I do know where you are coming from...people should never stay in an abusive relationship "For the Children" they are suffering that abuse with you....\nAs far as the healing...well its been nearly 28 years since I got out of that marriage...I have anger problems....I have memory loss... I have anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome...but I have been holding out pretty good...healing takes time...I am still healing...one thing I did learn from all this...Men who do this sort of thing have a complex...they look to you as above them so in order to bring you to THEIR level they have to over power you enough to make themselves feel better about themselves..just hang in there...go forward don't look back....get a journal and write down your feelings..it really helps...and sometimes its better than trying to explain it to people who have never been there...time heals all wounds...but for some...it just takes a lot of time....let me know ...been there...done that...
423586
I don't know what your troubles were but they sound pretty bad.  We support you and your great positive attitude.  I lost alot of loved ones in my family including my nephew when he was just 15.   I know what you are saying and thank God every day that I and my children are alive to share another day together.  God bless you!
638419
The things that have happened to you are terrible and of course it is abuse.  You really need a trusted adult to help you.  The fact that you were able to post on here means that you are ready to get the help you need.  I'm a licensed psychiatric social worker and I came from a really crappy upbringing too.  My dad was physically abusive and my mom was pretty depressed and didn't stop him.  I managed to get past the abuse and lead a productive life but even today, I remember the abuse and have to deal with the feelings surrounding it.  You are too young and your life is too precious to be lost in the cycle of child abuse.  The sooner you get help the more likely you are to move on successfully with your life.  You don't need your parents permission to seek counseling.  School counselors are an option.  I recognize that trusting adults right now is probably difficult and I'm sure you still love your parents to some extent.  What you need to understand is that if your parents are abusing or neglecting you, they are sick too and need help.  Right now you need to realize that you are worth saving and not all adults are bad.  Your life can and WILL get better.  I don't know where you live and what resources are available there but I would be happy to help you in anyway I can.  Please feel free to email me if you need more help or someone to talk to.  My email is jazzy_59602@yahoo.com.  Please stay safe and reach out to someone.
248339
Got a 15 year old daugther going through this right now.  Been her dad and mom for 8 years now.  I don't know what to expect really in the future.  I know right now it's floating between hate and hurt.  I wished I knew how to help, but all I can do is be there for her and let her know dad loves her.
607404
First, congratulations.  I come from an alcoholic family and have lost three to the disease.  As for withdrawals, each person is a bit different.  The beginning is obviously the hardest on the body.  The shakes are common, also hallucinations, mood swings.  Try calling your local AA, PLEASE.
200661
Well, I hope you don't recommend suicide.\n\nI have attempted to kill myself by drowning, hanging, crashing into something (by car), suffocating, etc.\n\nWhy? Um, hereditary mental illnesses like depression and borderline personality disorder. When I get upset, I think irrationally. I had an abusive mother (who suffers from the same illnesses but denies them), horrible grade school experiences, etc.\n\nI used to inflict harm upon myself. I would still do it but my fiance threatens to leave me if I ever do it again.
410065
My heart goes out to you and your family. I've been married to the same wonderful man for thirty-one years. Twice prior to my knowing him he tried to kill himself. Since we have been together he has made 4 more attempts on his life. I don't know where you are from but most places have mental health assocations. They can help you to understand medications, patiants rights. For my husband I am his health care rep. when he can't speak-up for himself I have the legal right to do this . I got him to give me power of attorney so I can deal with his disabilty money and all the red tape that goes along with it. Your Mom's illness if she does have Bi-polar suicide is attempts can be a part of her illness. It is a long hard road and you need to seek help yourself so you can stay healthy enough to be an assistance in getting her the help she needs. There are support groups for families going thru what we both are. When my husband gets what I call imbalanced with his medicine it takes me giving him his meds. because he gets confused about days and times to take them. As we both turn 50 this year it seems like second nature to us to deal with his illness. His last attempt to take his life was last November. He was missing for 2days before he was found in a coma in our truck at a reststop we use to stop at a lot. It was very sad, I still am seeing a counslor myself to deal with learning who I am outside of his illness. Be careful not to become so involed you stop living like I have at times
384908
i was in a bad stage of life. only 14 and i was doing drugs, drinking, cutting, trying suicide, and hating life. my mom vocally abused me and my dad ignored me. my aunt had just died and my best friend hated me. boys were treating me oh so wrong. and i was getting bad grades.\n\none night i was crying and praying god to send me down an angel. i was begging. i fell asleep doing that. about a week later, this guy came into my life and i have not done any of that bad stuff since then. i get really good grades. my mom is still crazy but its getting better. and my dad and i have a father-daughter relationship.\n\ni know how to stay away from the guys who treat me bad too.\n\nand i have a bunch of great friends now.\n\ni love my life and i don't want to die yet. there is so much more beauty to see in life.