We've been through counseling, books, etc. I no longer feel in love with her. Intimacy no longer exists. All we do is fight. Divorce is not an option. We have three wonderful kids together.
213465
Well if divorce is not an option, I can't help you.. Although a loveless marriage is no way to live, it would be better of separating and finding a new love, you can always visit or have your kids visit you...
644040
try working on having a friendship first that way you could spend some quality time together and she won't feel pressured to make a decision because if you do keep pushing her with 'i want to get back together' she may end up making the decision you don't want.if you start spending time together as friend she may remember the reasons she fell in love with you in the first place.\nthink back to all the things you did together in the beginning. and even if you don't get back to gether she would still be an important part of your life.\n\nbut be careful not to get your hopes up too much, she may feel differently from you. not answering your question could be a sign of not being sure herself, not knowing how to tell you she did want a divorce or that she doesn't really want one either.\n\ni would tell her about all the things you have done and are trying to do to be the person she deserves.\n\ntalk to her suggest friendship and take it from there.\n\ngood luck
94001
Do some reading on pregnancy!! HORMONES are rotten and maybe you could go with her to the doctor and discuss the mood swings.  It's really important for you to be there for her.  \n\nI realize you are going through a nasty divorce, but in a sense you created this 'mess' by not finishing up the marriage and 'starting a new family' with someone else.  Now is the time to buck up and take it.......she needs your support and she is carrying your child!!  \n\nGo to the doctor with her and ask about the hormone issue - have the doc reassure the GF that it's hormones.. if it's exacerbated and uncontrolled see if the doc can do anything. The next thing you can do is read up on pregnancy .. books online whatever.. to help you cope.  She needs reassurance and support and it's only for a few more months.  :)  Good luck and Grats on the baby and the divorce :D
467221
You can't change people.  You can try and change yourself first.    I would try and seek counseling?  It seems to me that you are at your rites end.  You do love her but for what? Some times  the heart grows fonder, if you are away?  Maybe that your wife suffers from some sort of depression?  I am sorry to hear this.  I wish you the best.
30247
Hey bro, I feel bad for you. It sounds like you have tried working with her about this. It sounds like you have been patient.You are going to need to make some tough chocies.You are going to need to find out what's really the problem ( her not feeling sexy?,is she having an affair?,not in love with you anymore?,have you done something since your daughter was born to make her act this way?,ect..)You sound like you love her and your daughter and don't want to leave. It sounds like she's not willing to kiss, be romantic,or try to see a doctor about this.To me if she just wants to be friends and isn't willing to change then maybe it's time for you to re-think things out about what you what you want in a wife and if this siutation is really good for you and your daughter. If you continue to be unhappy, this will start to effect you much more, which will at some point effect your daughter, which is something you don't want, she's done nothing. I think it's cool that you are trying to keep your family, but you also need to have your needs met. I would keep trying to work with her on this if you feel it's worth it. If there's no change and if she's not willing to see a counseler then mabye it might be time for a change. Love and passion is something that can be worked out if both parties are willing to work things out. Just don't go deep and and get emotional and do something that's dumb. Everyone has bad stories with quick fixes. This is your family. Think things out before you act on them. Good luck. I hope very thing works out for you.
481749
Yes, my wife and I have experienced the same thing. Before the kids everything was great and after she lost all interest. 6 years later we are still not 100% back on track but things are better. Here are a few ideas that may help you:\n\n1. accept with busier lives that you won't be back to 100%. With kids and their needs your opportunities for intimacy and times of the day to engage are diminished greatly. Accepting is the first part.\n\n2. you have to communicate your needs to each other. If you feel overwhelmed and distracted at home then he needs to help out more and not just on the days/nights he "wants some" or you will just feel used and unappreciated. Together you will have to work out a new, mutually agreeable routine. \n\n3. communicate what really excites you both. Find out about each others fetishes, real turn ons and fantasies if you haven't done so already. Be open to new ideas that might intrigue you and spark some interest again - be willing to slowly step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Make it fun with no expectations attached. Experimentation is often very pleasureable but not always!\n\n4. Devote some time where regardless of what is going on you have time for just the two of you. Maybe it's every Wednesday night after the kids go to bed. You leave the dishes and just do nothing but spend time together - reconnect so to speak. Too often after the kids come along the couple becomes "good friends" and lose that closeness / intimacy they felt when no one else was around. \n\n5. Don't feel guilty if you have lots around the house/work to do and you feel in the mood. Go after it, seize the moment and enjoy yourselves. You can always catch up on the other stuff but it is harder to mend a broken/struggling relationship.\n\nIf you really want it (pardon the pun) you have to communicate, be understanding of how you both feel and truly work hard to come to a solution. Your libido level and his will not change so you have to figure out a plan that will work for you.\n\nGood luck!
522410
Wow, I give you a lot of credit! I would have lost my patience a long time ago. I think before you look elsewhere for physical contact, suggest going to counseling with your wife. She obviously has some issues she needs to overcome and you should try to stick by her while she works them out. If she refuses to go to counseling, I would be very tempted to get out of the relationship rather than cheat which is only going to complicate things further. Good luck!
549027
Looks like your trying to do what you can to make it work.  A relationship cannot work if only one person is trying.  Why don't you address her with your issues.  Tell her how you feel and what you want.  All the things that you put into the relationship your not getting out.  Communication is really the best thing you can do at this point.  Understand where you both are coming from.  You have to stand your ground.  If she still does not understand your concerns and thoughts let her know, it's either marriage counciling (or working things out on your own), or your gone.\n\nWell, I know leaving is very hard.  Just try to make it work.  If you love her and your kids, then staying with nothing changing can still be very heartbreaking.  Even if your at the bad end of this situation maybe take her to dinner for just the two of you and talk to her about it.  If you push it in her face with frustration she will push back with an "well I don't care" attitude.
207030
I am so sorry!  I know this has to be painful and devastating.  Did you suggest marriage counseling to him?  If you have and he refuses, then he really doesn't want to work it out....which means he has someone else or wants to be "single" again.  If you haven't suggested it, please do.\n\nIf he feels this way and refuses to seek help, then you would be further ahead to divorce him.  It will be too traumatic to your kids and you to try to save a relationship where one of the parties doesn't want to save it.\n\nI hope you can find some true happiness for your children and yourself.
510649
Will she go to counseling with you? She said her feelings have changed. Well, doesn't everyone's feeling change as we grow older? You don't still have the giddy feeling but still love your spouse. Maybe when you were a stay at home dad, she lost some respect and thought she was more important and found she can supposrt herself and really doesn't need anyone else. Before you give up, try counseling, with or without her. Maybe you will decide you can live without her too.
173170
simply explain to her how you feel.  tell her that you don't feel that it's fair to her to be with someone who doesn't love her.  explain that you have tried to regain your love for her, but you have become two different people and it's not working for you.\n\nas for some of the answers above me...screw them all...there is NOTHING wrong with divorce...i would rather my husband tell me the truth and divorce me...than lead a false life pretending that he loves me.
249722
My heart breaks for you. You seem so sad and confused.\n\nSpeaking from experience, blending families is not easy. My husband had 1 son living with him and I had 2 when we got married. And the fur did fly often in the early years. I think part of what kept us trying is that we each came from a failed first marriage and truly wanted this one to work. We even went for family counseling. That helped. I'm thinking that you and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you still have enough feelings for each other that if you can get through this you'll find you have a much stronger relationship. I honestly don't think you can do it without professional help. If he won't go, you go by yourself. If nothing else it will help you sort out your own feelings.\n\nAlso, pour out your heart to God. He loves you and your husband very much. He wants to be your strength, to comfort and guide you. Beliefnet.com has this (and many others) prayer for your marriage:\n\nBless Our Relationship  \n\nDear God,\nYou have defined my desire: to be of immeasurable value to my spouse. Guide me in the ways that lead to this richness in relationship, and be glorified in my every effort.\n\nI want to honor my spouse--and you--through my behavior. How can I do that today? Please show me and empower me. \nAmen. ~~~ Heather Kopp  |  Source: "God's Little Book of Guarantees for Marriage" \n\nI know you are hurting and wondering if it can be fixed. I believe it can, as long as you are both willing to do the work necessary to repair your marriage. I pray that you both are willing. God bless you both.\n\nP.S. We've been married almost 20 years. The kids are grown with families of their own. We are more in love than ever. I hope you can say this in 2 decades.
38171
Good News.... She is NOT gone.  She is always by your side.  She loved you for 17 years also, and she would want you to be happy.  Did you ever want to take up a hobby that your wife thought was ubsurd?  Do it now if so.  There are a million support groups for grieving spouses.  Being around people thgat feel the same way you do is very healing.  Always remember this... she will be waiting for you on the other side.
599176
She needs counseling alone to find out what is causing her behavior so she can work on getting better. In the childrens best interest, a marriage counselor would be a good thing to try before you make a descision on divorce. If you have any feelings of love at all left for her you should do whatever you can to make it right before you give up. If all else fails, you should file for a divorce. If she's not willing to change and your just miserable, That can be worse on children than if you were to stay together(this I know from experience). Two miserable parents make miserable children. So, in closing I suggest the whole family get counseling to repair the damage, If that is unsuccessful, you should divorce, but only if you can get Joint custody of your children. I dont know the laws where you are but I know where I am if the father pays child support he is automatically entitled to visitation rights. Visitation is better than nothing at all. It is possible that if she does have some sort of lying problem that you could prove her to be an unfit mother and obtain custody that way if you truly believe the children would be better off and happier with you. You have to do whats best for your children, always put their needs first, they didnt ask to be born into this situation after all. What she did was wrong to trick you into marrying her by getting pregnant. Your whole relationship has been based on deception. Counseling would be the best, but in all honesty It cant fix everything and sometimes people are just better off living seperate lives. I hope this helps you and good luck.
304062
yeh, it's possible. and you can try counseling. i fell out of love. and i don't think it's gonna work for me.
243250
You and I have spoken personally about it. I know you love her, but she won't change. Im not going to post what you told me because PERSONALLY is the operative word. I think that she is following the saying "Abscence makes the heart grow fonder" Now that you guys are divorced now she wants to try again, it seems that you are following this too, but I know it is because you were trying so hard for everything to work out and it didnt and you are still hurting behind it. Find a better woman, there are plenty out there.\n\nHope this helps.
308644
You know i have been through this situation myself.  I'm not proud.  We just kind of drifted apart after the same amount of time as you, but were only separated for about 2 months.  I really liked the feeling of freedom and meeting other people.  I still think of a certain someone now and then, especially when my husband and i get into arguments about petty stuff.  I think "why did i even come back"?  Then i realize that he has put up with all my crap and it would be so hard to start all over and put effort into a new relationship.  I also think about my kids and in today's society kids need the guidance of both parents.  Anyway, i really do love my husband, it's just sometimes its fun to think of what could have been.  \nI'm not saying all marriages are to stay together for the sake of the children, it's just if you really love each other, you need to try and get passed the other man.\n\nTry to do things with your husband, take time for yourselves.  Go to the movies out to eat, or even spend time at the park with the kids(if it applies).  And just when you feel an argument coming on think and sometimes prayer comes in handy(if you are religious). \n\nGood luck. i wish you the best.