my friend is 21, and this is her third time in for depression.  they have diagnosed her as an alcoholic, drug addict and severely depressed.  I am her best firend and she wants to move with me when she gets out, to get away from the alcohol and drug abuse in her home.  I love her to death but I am not sure if I am ok with this.  She lived with me like two years ago, but I am now in a committed relationship.  I do not know what to do here?  My boyfriend does not like her because she was trying to get me to cheat on him and she is very promiscuis (or however you spell it, I don't want to call her a slut).  She is my friend but we go through this like every year....
199440
Well you seem to be going through alot! I am sorry! I will be praying for you and your friend! I wish I had all the answers -but I don't! Off course you want to help her- she is your friend- but it sounds like she needs help you can't give her! You need to decide do you want live with her! Can you deal with all the drama? Really search yourself- because she is going to need support and a lot of help! I wish you the best! You sound like a really good friend- when she will let you be her friend! A word -- never cheat! No matter what a person says to you! Just not a good plan! You take care- if you like to talk- http://360.yahoo.com/cloeenloe
44007
It's been my experience that people will do what they want to, no matter what you tell them. They think they have all the answers they need and know what's best for them. Even if you had lots of experience in this area, they'll still do what they want. Many will actually get angry with you for trying to stop their "happiness". I would just let her know that you love her and only want what's best, but you will back off and let her choose her own path, even if it means pain & rejection of her boyfriend. Let her know that you'll always be there for her if she needs a shoulder or an ear to listen. Leave the door of friendship open, because she's gonna need it. This is a train wreck, waiting to happen. You know it. I know it. Been there, done that...it bites! Sounds like she wants to get pregnant. I know a few young gals like her. They think having a baby will solve all their problems and make their fella stay with them forever. It often drives them away, leaving the gal with a baby and more problems that she's not ready to handle yet. It's a long downward spiral. You are a good friend. You see what could happen and you're trying to save her from herself. You can't. If you push too much, she'll just cut you out of her life, slamming the door of friendship in your face, with no way out for her when her world falls apart. And actually, birth control & condoms aren't 100%, as I'm sure you know. I have a 22 year old girl because of failed birth control. Unfortunately, I think you're just going to have to allow her the opportunity for experience to be her teacher. Just be there for her. <*)))><
180576
I would say talk to him about it first, let him know that his behavior is putting a strain on your friendship.\n\nWhere to go from there depends on your perspective. From mine(Christian) I have had many people who did not give up on me when I was a raging drug addict. I was probably the worst friend someone could have, but there were certain people that loved me throughout, and that is no small thing.
251983
You need to tell her again how you feel about doing drugs. And if she still doesn't listen then you need to get rid of her. Tell her that if she decides to stop this stuff and get help then maybe you two could get back together. She's only going to bring you down if you continue to be w/ her. Possibly give her an ultimatum. . .tell her that if she doesn't get help then you two can't be together at all not even as friends. You don't need to be around this sort of thing, because your making wise decisions by staying away from that mess. Give her some facts about drug and alcohol abuse also when you have this talk, maybe if she here's the facts from someone who cares she'll want to change. Good luck buddy I hope things work out well for you.
524109
maybe have a get together with all the friends.. maybe all of you could , at same time, try one more time to explain to her just how you all feel about it... then back off and leave her alone.. she is an adult, and as such should be treated with respect.. it is her choice, her life and she has final say as to how to live it... be supportive no matter what she decides to do.. a true friend, speaks up, and then backs off and then supports..... God bless
509757
Honey, STOP. Read this, whatever you do. I know that a lot of people who ask questions over the internet don't take the advice they get seriously, but just hear me out, ok?\n\nObviously, when you met your boyfriend, you loved him for who he was then. I'm sure you thought he was a wonderful person. He was probably kind to you and respected you and when you first got together you thought nothing could go wrong. \n\nBut then he got into drugs. Ok, first of all, the alarm bells are flashing right there. If someone is willing to do something as life-wrecking as drugs, it is a serious possibility that they are also willing to engage in various other types of shady behavior, such as physical abuse, alchoholism, crime, etc. \n\nI  AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS GUY IS A BAD PERSON! He was probably a great guy before the drugs came along. But when a person does drugs, they change a LOT. Drugs make people do things they would never normally do. This is why people use them, and this is what makes them so dangerous. \n\nAnd I don't mean to sound accusatory, but it's possible that what you think is love might be the remnants of what USED to be love, but now is just a memory.  \n\nGirl, for your own sake I suggest that you get out of this relationship, and FAST. Frankly I'm amazed that so far you've been strong enough to stay off of drugs yourself, and I admire that. It is NOT your fault that he does drugs and it is NOT your responsibility to get him off of them. I understand that you will feel guilty about leaving someone in need, but remember that your guy is still a minor and his parents are still responsible for him, NOT YOU. This is very hard for someone as young as you to do. The best thing you can do right now is to tell a trusted adult that he is doing drugs. If he gets the right help, maybe he can get clean and then you can continue the relationship. If he really and truly loved you at all then he wouldn't have gotten into drugs in the first place because that would mean risking YOU and when you love someone you can't afford to take those kinds of risks. And if you really loved him then you'd do what is best for him, which is tell someone QUICKLY and get him into rehab.\n\nI am sorry if I sounded mean or pushy. I really wanted to help. And I feel really bad for you. But trust me, I know quite a bit about these things. You are precious and deserve to be treated with care and respect. No druggie, however good of a person they are, can give you the star treatment that you deserve.\n\nRemember that above all god loves you very much, more than any man ever could and there is someone amazing out there that God has in store just for you. He wants you to be happy and if you ask he will give you the guidance that you seek. You have done nothing purposefully wrong. God knows that in our naievity (ignorance) humans often make mistakes. It's ok, he will forget the whole situation if you truly are sorry and wish it had never happened.\n\nI also suggest seeing a therapist. They are not for "loonies". I would know, since I go to one ever week. She's really nice and also, SHE WON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT ANYTHING YOU GUYS TALK ABOUT (IT'S AGAINST THE LAW). Unless it has something to do with someone being in danger.\n\nI am praying for you tonight, and I promise to send you a smile tommorow morning. If you live outside of the united states then my morning might not be your morning, but I think you'll feel it anyway. Just know that someone is on your side. I sincerely hope this gets cleared up. \n\nGod Bless :)
312286
being friends doesnt mean being friends in good times, and then abandoning them in bad times. it sounds to me like you care about this person but are scared and confused. i too was in this situation not long ago with my best friend of 12 years. i stood by her side, even though i knew what she was doing wasn't right. to be a friend is to walk in when the rest of the world walks out on her. if she's endangering herself or doing something illegal (i.e having sex with an adult, having sex without using protection or a reliable birth control system), you should tell an adult--it may save her from getting STDs or becoming a victim of rape. do what you think you need to do, but i suggest be there for her. afterall, what are friends for? Good Luck
255829
this sounds like there are a lot of emotional issues that need to be looked into. I think you better have a straight forward talk with your friend, you are right, no one should be abused in a relationship, but it sounds like he has issues if its been two years , he has someone nice and he still stays with this other one. who pays the rent? is he a kept man? alot of questions to be answered.
144041
Your friend may be asexual.... It isnt a choice if she is. Do you totally control who you are attracted too? If so, I want you to go to school and become sexually aroused and fall into love with the most unattractive boy in school. (If you are a girl if not do the opposite) Hey its a choice, you should be able to do it. The main problem I see with this question is not your friend however your non acceptance of her. There is nothing "wrong" with her at all. Her behavior is not the norm however the norm does not necessarily mean it is the only right way. Accept your friend for who she is right now.... if you truely are her friend. Also, by the way, dont rush to judge. I know you feel grown up now, however, you are not. 16 is very young and one of these days you will look back and understand that. Your friend has plenty of time to fall in love and have crushes.... My guess is that she will go through that process but only in her time... not yours. By pressuring her, you may cause her to have trouble in finding that right person. A person has to love their self before truely loving someone else. Be a friend and accept her from where she is at. She isnt hurting anyone or breaking any laws. I'm sorry if I came across as blunt however your question, how you wrote it bothered me. I hope you question how you see her and give her a chance to find herself without judgement.\n\nBy the way, I'm a therapist and every expert in the world would laugh at you for even trying to research this about your friend at her age. She is still developing and growing. A human brain doesnt totally develop until around 25 years old. Maybe that part of her brain hasnt grown yet.\n\nBy the way, I understand you are probably doing this because you care, but seriously you are out of bounds and barking up the wrong tree... as the sayings go.\n\n\nBy the way, about your added comment... Does things that are right about your friend usually annoy you since you are back tracking and saying you dont think anything is wrong with her. Dont get me wrong, I'm not going to argue with you. My main goal is for you to look at yourself and become more aware of what you have said. I think you are doing that. No hard feelings..... Good luck with your friend and I hope you have a very long lasting relationship\n\nCounselorDan
614950
I went through the same thing with my best friend. She did a complete 180, started doing drugs having sex etc. and it turned into a huge fight. I confronted her about it and told her how pissed it made me. We didn't talk for the next six months. Then slowly we began to hang out again. We are now talking and hanging out but it will never be the friendship we once had. You need to confront your friend then ignore him completely until your ready to reestablish a friendship on YOUR terms. Like I said it won't ever be what it was but you can at least save something.
417725
You had 26 answers already at the time of my replying, and i didnt read them but i can imagine what most of them will say. You are young, your boyfriend doesnt treat you right and doesnt treat his body with respect - so why do you think he will be good for you when he's not good to himself?\n\nOf course you have got involved with someone else. Its natural. You want a proper life with someone who cares. Its not a mess sweetheat, he's no good for you so just leave! Really, just pack up your stuff and leave. It may be hard but it will be best in the long run.\n\nGet support from family and friends, and just do it! A&#92; year from now you will be SO much happier!\n\nIf a friend was in your situation what would you tell them? You'd said he doesnt deserve you, wouldnt you? Come on, ring your mum or a friend and say you want help leaving..... they will be delighed to help believe me!\n\nMy daughter left a relationship like this last year. He was a drinker and had started to push her around too. Now she is with a lovely bloke.\n\nI hope you get the strength to do this, and make a good life for yourself.
653855
Support your friend.  The next few months are going to be hard, but if you really do care, stand by your buddy.  Let him know that you are prepared to help, but he needs to be serious about his sobriety, and if he's not, you can't do anything for him.  Lay down a clear cut set of rules and guidelines to help him.  Good luck.  Hope that helps.
657894
I went through this type of situation myself a few years back. I had a friend that smoked pot, slept around, neglected her family, blew money, got drunk all the time, that sort of thing. I couldnt see that she was not good for me and when I finally did and cut things out with her things got so good with my husband and me. A few years back she came back into my life and once again I started hanging out with her again. My husband and I started having problems around the same time. The only advice I can give you is to do what my husband did. He would caution me about her influence but allow me to make my own decisions. Eventually I got the big picture and left well enough alone. I began seeing the destructive behavior that she exhibitted and the behavior that tolerated out of her. People like that always do the same thing. They eventually screw up really bad that the other person has no choice but see what they are really all about. Be there for your girl, caution her but trust her to make the right choices. If you try to force your views and beliefs on her she will only reject you and become bitter with you. By giving her room and allowing her to discover the triths on her own it will be a lesson learned for her in the end. If she stops hanging out with this person then she will always blame you for losing a friend. If the situation is too much for you to handle then you need to decide if this relationship is worth saving. If so allow time to take its course. If not then you need to explain to her that you cannot stand by and watch her destructive behavior any longer. That you only want the best for her and if she cannot see that this friendship will only end up hurting her you cannot stanf by and watch. That you love her to much to watch her do that to herself.  \n\nYou cannot force this on her she will only pull away from you and pull closer to the friend. Remember: The father you push the harder she holds on.
577776
Well done, I know how hard that was to do, because I've been there in my youth! \n\nNow wait her out and stay as calm as before, continue to be your usual self. \n\nIf you're lucky, this could be a life learning experience for her. If it isn't, don't beat yourself up over her problems, they're her's, not yours. \n\nWhenever others need to control our lives, criticise everything about us, it's usually because they are frightened, or troubled in their own life, or frightened of being left behind. \n\nShe needs you in her life, every bit as much as you need her, she just needs to accept that you are an adult, and learn to treat you with respect. \n\nYou've shaken her, now wait her out. \n\nYou've proven your maturity in the way you handled this situation, it's down to her to follow suit.
440494
I think you have to be with your friend now, spend more time with him to take him out of this situation. It is difficult for 17 year to come out of this and i think you can help him to be strong.\n\nYou should not trust your other friend, if it was time-pass you have to be very careful with her. It seems like she is time-pass herself.\nDon't every trust her.\n\nCommitting Suicide is a crazy act, it seems like your friend is not strong at all.\n\nTell me one thing " why do i guess that you may be in love with your friend". You care so much about him why????
595493
My boyfriend's family is full of drug addicts, so I have lots of experience in this.  They are past the point of getting help.  It sounds like your loved-one is not.  I would tell him right now that he needs to go get help.  I would not ignore the problem.  It only gets worse.  You need to stand strong.  Don't feel sorry for him.  But, do not let him just run- you have to let him know that he is cared for.  Most importantly, DO NOT lend him money (he will only use it to buy more crack).  DO NOT let him use your car for any reason.  DO NOT let him live in your house- he'll steal things from you to pawn to buy crack.  This is out of his control- he's an addict now and he needs to go into rehab.
604794
The situation is out of your control. You are an active participant in her sickness, you need professional help.  I would start looking at a residential treatment facility for her.  you also need to talk to a marriage & family, or drug treatment therapist about it.  You need to get well just as she does. Alcoholism controls the family, not just the alcoholic.