it took me like 10 min to earlier today, so its okay if you cant get it.\n\na deer needs to quickly cross the free way, so he runs. he falls into a ditch and breaks all four legs. desperate to get across, how could he?\nsimple, take the f's out of 'free' and 'way'
217322
Jimbo got it.\nThere is "no F in way."
270987
I tried to go skiing. While getting on the chairlift, one of my skis stayed at the bottom of the hill and, because I had never regularly gotten off a chairlift, my friend tried to drag me off but we wound up on the ground and the lift had to stop so we could crawl out from under.\nThen, while going to the hill, I slipped and one of my skis went in-between a snowboarder's legs. THAT was extremely embarrassing because I was lying down underneath of her, one leg in-between hers, and I had knocked her backwards, though she managed to catch herself from falling on top of me.\nWhen I finally got out of that mess, it took me over an hour to go down the hill.\n\nAfter that escapade, I stayed in the resort all day and haven't gone skiing since.
629840
And, what did he say AFTER she kicked him in the balls and knocked him on the floor and blinded him by grinding her spike heel into his eyes...?\n\n\n(Alternative answer: Thanks for the warning, I'll make sure I don't buy a BMW! On second thought, a car that generates gas, instead of having to be filled up...? Maybe I'll buy one after all!)
597822
The Post Turtle\n \nWhile suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. \n\nEventually, the topic got around to former Texas Governor George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.\n\nThe old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."\n\nNot being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.\n\nThe old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a\nturtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." \n\nThe old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know, he didn't get there\nby himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb s_h_i_t get down!"
473723
He was obviously disGRUNTled fidgety!\nDid you hear about the farmer who goes to market to buy a cow?\nHe discovers the only thing he can afford is a zebra being sold off by the local zoo.Thinking he might find some use for it,he buys it and takes it home.The zebra wants to be useful but is unsure of what she can do.She asks some of the other farm animals how they keep busy."I peck corn all day," says the chicken." I can't do that," says the zebra." I lie in the mud all day," says the pig." I can't do that either," says the zebra.Eventually she comes across the bull and asks him what he does,"It's difficult to explain," replies the bull."But if you take off your pyjamas I'd be delighted to show you."
185185
Whenever the black fox jumped the squirrel gazed suspiciously. \n We promptly judged antique ivory buckles for the next prize.  \n How razorback-jumping frogs can level six piqued gymnasts!  \nHere's a dozen of them (the ones that fit your limitations).  For more of these "pangrams" check the link below.\n\n *Whenever the black fox jumped the squirrel gazed suspiciously. \n *We promptly judged antique ivory buckles for the next prize.  \n *How razorback-jumping frogs can level six piqued gymnasts!  \n *Crazy Fredericka bought many very exquisite opal jewels.  \n *Sixty zippers were quickly picked from the woven jute bag. \n *Amazingly few discotheques provide jukeboxes. \n *Heavy boxes perform quick waltzes and jigs. \n *Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.  \n *The five boxing wizards jump quickly. \n *How quickly daft jumping zebras vex.  \n *Quick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim.  \n *Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.     \n\n(By the way, I assume the second one you listed was supposed to be "Jackdaws love MY big sphinx of quartz. ")
598098
This is gonna be kiddish and cheesy, but it made me laugh.  And it works better spoken:\n\nWhaddya call a deer with no eyes?\n\nNo eyed deer  (No idea-r)\n\n\nWhaddya call a deer with no eyes and no legs?\n\nStill no idea-r\n\nWhaddya call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no d*ck?\n\nStill no f*cking idea-r
454684
This all happened during this past summer (august), here in \nCardiff, UK.\n\nAt about 7pm, me and my friend decided to go into the woods \nat heath park as we were very bored that day, and I believe it \nwas one of the hottest days on record for the UK so we were very \nhot and bothered.\n\nWe trekked into the woods until we came to a huge tree, we sat \nby the tree for nearly an hour cooling down and it was also next \nto a large pond. At about 9pm we realised that it was very nearly \ndark, so we decided to make our way back home.\nWe had about a 15 minute walk to get back out of the woods \nand nothing strange had happened until i noticed a figure about \n200 yards away from us back from where we had jost come \nfrom, i thought this was strange but thought nothing more of it.\nAbout 4 or 5 minutes later, i looked back and saw the figure \nagain but this time it was closer, i thought this was strange as \nthere were no people close to us when we were at the tree so i \ndecided to tell my friend. Josh (my friend) thought i was messing \naround with him and did not believe me at all, this was much to \nmy frustration.\nabout 3-4 minutes later again i looked to the side and the figure \nwas about 50 yards away only it was in amongst all nettles and \nbushes, i was really scared at this point as we weren't even half \nway through the journey and it was very nearly dark, i told josh \nto keep looking around and to speed up our walking pace. afew \nminutes later Josh saw the figure on the other side of us and we \nwere both really really scared, so we ran. When we got into the \nopen filed which would lead us to a road, we ran about half way \ninto it and looked back and we both saw the figure standing on \nthe edge of the woods, so we ran all the way home.\n\nThe figure that we saw was very weird because every time i saw \nit, it was perfectly still. We could not make out the face, or \ngender of this thing, it was just in what looked like a blue cloak.\n\nI have been back to the spot afew times since in the day and \nnothing strange has happened but me or Josh will not go back \nthere at dusk again.\n\nplease email me with any questions, thanks.
595029
omg! so funny! i got some:\n\nin front of a farmer's field: you don't have to pay the farmer for crossing the field but the bull charges\n\nON TOP of a fix-it shop door: we can fix anything!\nON the door of the same fix-it shop:please knock hard door bell is still brocken.\n\nLOL!
285286
That was a joke right? Good one! Take pics and send them to me!\n\nNow, on the off chance that it wasn't a joke...\n\nFish? If you do, take pics of the fish, I wanna know how she plans to... no, no I don't. It's just that morbid curiousity of mine surging again. Definitely don't wanna know about the fish.\n\nBut, seriously, once she gets what she wants, is she going to want it more and more? Doesn't sound like there's any easy way out of it, except to dump her, wait for her to find... (what's it called? a xenophile?) somebody that ***** chickens and all that, and call the police on them for animal abuse. That should teach her. I mean, sex with four out of five of the animals you mentioned would most likely kill them. And I'm pretty sure I know what she wants to do with the fish, and it WILL die in there.\n\nFish? Ew!
523063
Number one problem right off the bat: you are shifting tenses. You dashed and you waited, as in past tense. Then your sister "comes" to you in present tense. Make it all the same.\n\n(dashed out of the gate)...why were you in such a hurry? (I dashed out of the gate, nearly dropping my books, and hoped I would make it to the sidewalk in time. If I was late, my sister would bail, and I'd end up walking home alone) or something like that.\n\nGet rid of the (I waited for ten minutes) that's like saying, "nothing happened for ten minutes". Use that time to explain who Michelle is. (I hit the sidewalk at precisely 3:02, gasping for breath and flushed in my face -- but at least I was there. My older sister, Michelle, was just coming down in the street. Her school was three blocks away, which was the only reason I got to meet her at this spot.) \n\nget rid of (as minutes passed by) again, that's saying, as nothing happened for a while. (we made our usual trek back home, through the park, down the alley by the post office, and onto Beale Street.) Use every line to give your reader more information.\n\n(a big black dog with cherry beady eyes staring back at us.) overall, not bad. but where is this dog? is it behind a fence. right in front of you? how close? do you have time to run away?\n(a big black dog with cherry beady eyes had come onto Beale Street, right onto the street where we were walking, and was standing right in front of us. he growled and started edging closer.)\n\ndetails add to the picture, make it easier for people to see.\n\n(we both stopped quickly when I asked my sister..) too much going on in that sentence. break it up. (we both stopped abruptly, staring back at the dog. he was directly in our path, and behind us was nothing but brick. I whispered to Michelle, "what do we do now? he's blocking our only way in.")\n\n(Michelle paused to think, careful not to make any sudden noises. We reached for each other's arms, and slowly huddled together. "What if we go to Claire's house?" Michelle offered. It's not too far away. I think we could make it.")\n\nagain, get rid of the (we ran for about three minutes). not very descriptive. (we ran fast as lightning, swerving our way down Beale Street, the buildings around us nothing but a blur. we could hear the dog running behind us, barking and snapping. I'd never seen Michelle run so fast.)\n\nand lastly, change (we just sat there and hung out) try something like (we made it to Claire's house safely, and we bombarded her door with frightful poundings. Claire let us in and listened to our story, which we must have told her a dozen times over. We were so scared we didn't want to walk back home. So we spent an hour on Claire's couch, retelling the horror of the vicious dog of Beale Street, until our dad came and fetched us at 5:00)\n\nhow's that?
370343
LOL.. Uhmm, I've seen some interesting questions.  As for this one I don't think it is uncool to take a DOO DOO outside.  Just be sure it's not in the neighbor's yard.  That would be embaressing to answer to that... lol
617200
Once upon a time, in an enchanted forest there live a magic frog.  Now this forest was so large, the frog had never seen another living creature.  One day, while traveling down a path the frog came across a bear chasing a rabbit for his dinner.  \nAt once, the frog stopped them and said, "since you two are the first creatures I have ever seen, I'm going to grant each of you three wishes.  Bear, you may go first."\nThe bear though for a moment and, being a typical male replied, I wish that every bear in this entire woods, except for me, was female."\n"Very well," replied the frog, "Rabbit, it's your turn."\nwith out any hesitation, Rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle helmet."\n"Wish granted," replied the frog, "Bear?"\nWell Bear was a little confused at this seemingly silly wish from Rabbit, but it was his turn so he though for a moment.  Then he got a big grin on his face and said, "I wish every bear in the next woods over was female."\n"Wish granted," replied the frog.\nAgain with out any hesitation Rabbit wished for a motorcycle.\nWish granted," replied the frog, and a motorcycle appeared beside the helmet that was already there.  "Bear?"\nNow Bear was really confused by Rabbit's wishes, after all, he could have wished for money and bought all of this.  But it was his turn again, so he thought for a slightly longer moment then before, after all, this was his last wish.  Then he got a big grin on his face and said, "I wish that every bear in the entire world, except for me, was female."\n"Wish granted, replied the frog, "Rabbit?"\nRabbit did not respond right away.  Instead he put on his new motorcycle helmet, hopped onto his motorcycle, and started it up.  \nThen he replied, "I wish Bear was gay."
48479
not aware of an accident dont know what that is? So for now I would say 4 if your going to eat it and no if its a trophy I eat the deer meat and fish they catch. But as far as killing just to brag or whatever no. However I couldnt go with them I did once when I was little and my dad never took me again because I was makeing as much noise as possible to scare the animals away.
117879
You will do more than take down the deer!  Could tear it apart...(if you're right about it), maybe a little on the over kill side don't you think?
270887
Interesting how so many people quote a different part of the bible without dealing with the fact that there is a clear contradictino here.\n\nTHis guy posted a verse that says basically, ask and you shall receive. Not "I'll think about it", but you shall receive.  And you all quote verses saying "not so fast".  Well, which is it? Can we move mountains with faith? Only if it's for a good cause? What?
545975
The bride walked down the aisle of the church toward her awaiting groom.\nPlease cancel my last order.\nThe student asked the math teacher for tutoring, as she could not figure it out.\nMany fossils are thousands of years old.\nThe large, barking dog really freaked me out.\nElton John is a gay man.\nI got this straight from the source.\nThe seeds were interspersed with the fertilizer.\nHer drink order was Patron silver tequila straight up and neat.\nWhen I win the lottery and become independently wealthy, I will quit my job.\nThey traveled to a secluded little cabin for their honeymoon.\nThe tire tracks of the truck were a very big clue in the murder case.\nPlease do not type all in caps, as it is presumed that you intend to yell.