I'm a recovering alcoholic and after getting my life back together have reentered the dating scene.  I'm not sure how to break it to potential dates that I'm in recovery and don't drink anymore.  Is there a right time to tell someone?  Is this too much baggage for women?  How unattractive is it?
199196
Alot of guys don't drink for many reasons, I don't because I want to stay in shape. You don't have to get into your life history, in fact I would not, unless she asks.
171533
is there any reason to tell him other than to just get it off of your chest? if there is no way he is ever going to find out about it, then dont tell him. Even if it happened a long time ago, he could still feel betrayed. like i said. he has all the right to be pissed if you told him already. but if you guys are good friends you will be able to forget about it over a couple cases of beer.
75175
"A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts"  Get him hammered and ask him.  Also he might just be afraid to ask because when you say how much you like someone you put yourself on the line, if they don't feel the same way, you can get really hurt.
579360
Look, unless you plan on doing it again, there's no reason to tell him.  You would be filling his head with doubts that he just doesn't need.  Typically the only reason you would tell him is to make yourself feel better, and that's not necessary.  Honesty IS the best policy, but only if you plan on continuing this extra-curricular activity.  \n\nOn the other hand, if you feel you MUST tell him, be completely honest.  And who knows, like many of the guys that have posted already, he MAY want to start looking outside the relationship WITH you for other playmates.\n\nGood luck.
655427
No you don't have to tell him. What you did during your break is your business and your business alone. \n\nHowever, know there is the possibility that he will ask. And by not answering or lying you will reveal more about your relationship than you might care to admit. \n\nAlso know that he may find out one day. People talk and you'd be surprised how small the world really is. He'll not only learn the truth but also learn that you kept it from him. \n\nI, personally. am always skeptical of relationships that have breaks, but that's just me. A lack of trust is hardly going to do wonders for your relationship now that you're back together, especially since you've already decided to part at least once.\n\nBut as I've said, you don't *have* to tell him.
257326
I have been divorced for a bit over a year myself.  I wasn't interested in dating anyone until about a month ago.\nI honestly don't have the time, strenght and courage to be just flirting around anymore.\n\nI don't think there's anything wrong with you, everyone has different ways to overcome things. Sex for sex becomes less atractive once you've been married, or so I have observed.  Company is more important and the idea of being understood and heard is more exciting than just a "date".\n\nI allowed myself to open up (I don't think I was ready though) but it felt good to be romanced and flirty again. It brought me back to the world of the "living" for a little bit.  \n\nAt the end, it's a personal choice.  Do whatever feels good to you.  Eventually Mr. Right will show up (or not...).
290468
In the book of James we are told to "confess your sins, one to another".  This is also one of the ways people get sober and stay that way in AA. We put our shortcomings into perspective and get our guilt out. So yes appropriate, at least at times, and certainly usefull for spiritual health.
345924
First thing, you're way overanalyzing.  From someone who knows, it just leaves you with sleepless nights.  \n\nYou told her how you felt, can't regret that (there were only two ways it could have gone)  I'd rather do that, then regret not telling someone how I felt about them.  \n\nI wish you a speedy "moving on",  recovery will be much swifter when you do.
285950
Why is this in the singles & dating catagory? \n\nI am guessing you do not date that often.
370575
Well drinking yourself to oblivion and hiding that from your loved ones sounds like alcoholism to me.\nTheres only one person who can change him and thats himself - as much as you or other people tell him to change he is the only one who can make that decision.\nI would end the relationship (because of his drinking) but say you will support him in getting help and remain friends etc.\nIf/when he gets himself off the booze you can always get back together again if you want to.
71966
No, I wouldn't go on the show Elimidate.  It is implied that you date whoever the winner is.  I wouldn't compete against other men for a woman because you can't be yourself around her.  She is also not necessarily the woman I would want to be with anyway.  I also wouldn't like a bunch of women competing over me.  Maybe some people would think of that as a fantasy.  If you think about it though, they are acting immature to try to be picked as the one you want.  However, why would I want to pick a woman who is immature?  Isn't that going to have a negative effect on the relationship?  If it's just to sleep with her and not have a serious relationship with her, then why do it at all?  I could just as easily find someone that shallow who just wants to sleep with me at a bar.  I know this is a long answer, but I don't look for immaturity as one of the good qualities in a woman.  So, no I wouldn't go on elimidate.
41810
sure sounds like a drinking problem's probably the 'real' problem. He sounds inhibited, and the drinking at least for a time lowers his fears, nervousness, insecurity, inhibition, guilt or whatever levels ... addictive behavior...do you honestly believe that your honest feelings are at fault? Sounds difficult, complicated...and, perhaps, getting worse. Whether he's having 'commitment phobias' or just expecting you to do as he says, or whatever he's perhaps not discussing, he sounds 'out of control', but he wants to 'be in charge'...something in him might be feeling ashamed, low self-esteem/image, and, he's demanding that you follow his routine, with implied not much room for spontaneity, let alone you feeling love(-d), safe (at peace, unperturbed) and valued -- but, how can he value you, if he's troubled about who he is -- or, why else drink/escape, and then try to use sex with such timing, like drunk clockwork. It sounds like your feelings are good, clear, trying to communicate...your feelings are innocent, your true companions/guides...BEST WISHES...in finding (out) your way(-s)
331484
If you are splitting up assets, be careful about dating before the divorce is final or the judge may not be too happy with you.  Once the divorce is final, go for it.  You have a right to move on with your life and find some happiness.  I wouldn't try bars either...unless you just want an easy lay.  Maybe your friends can introduce you to some people so you can get out and mingle and let the right lady come to you ;)  Don't focus on meeting the next serious relationship girl for awhile, just try to have fun and not make dating more stressful than it needs to be.  Good Luck!
489102
I being a recovering addict knows this one is simple. it is because your sobrity means more to you than anything else right now. one day at a time. one hour at a time.  Some of the people at AA have been going for so long they don't want to go to that place anymore.(meaning the place where they hit bottom). but they know they have to keep going to AA too keep their sobriety.  Don't be afraid to show your emotions. Cause beleive me.  you are touching somebody. If not yourself. And you are the one that matters.  Hang in there. Continue with the twelve steps and your sponser.  By the way Congradulations on 16 Months! wtg.
28450
Haha!  It's good to be back - computer was down for a few days.  Well.. I'm not a guy, (obviously), but unless things go REALLY well on a date it's a turn-off when the guy is all over you.  You've got to conquer the gettin-to-know-you before you jump on that.  So if it's a REALLY good date then you did get to know each other and it's okay to fall into that animal instinct.  If you're like 99% of the guys out there then maybe it is a good idea to relieve your stress before the date.  You may not get the urge to, er, be selfish on the date, and that will tell the girl that you respect her.  Also - it might give that first impression that you're a laid back bad-a*s type that most of the ladies can't resist.  So yeah - I think it is a good idea!  HA!
524947
If you only get together when you're drinking then it's obviously not a relationship. Think clearly now that you're sober..he doesn't really talk to you, he's drunk and you're having sex with no strings; sounds like he has it good. You normally know when a guy really likes you and it's normally not something you have to figure out. Listen to your inner thoughts. It is what it is; a good time; if you want more than a roll in the hay then stay sober and get out the house; go to dinner, to the movie and if he still is down with you after three days of no sex, then you may just have a shy guy who doesn't know how to move forward; if he stops calling then you know you had a sheep in wolves clothing. Good luck!!!
513373
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