When news reached Heaven that a Midwestern militia was discovered training to help him out during the upcoming rapture, Jesus laughed and exclaimed, ``I need a militia to help me like I need an asshole on my elbow.''
134393
Jesus: ``I need a militia like I need an asshole on my elbow''
13785
Police hunting for pastor conning students
124347
Salvation Army makes a difference
117111
The dangers of being religious and liberal
64247
Jesus healed ten leopards
50861
Doctor supplied arms to Maoists
146258
They feared a terrorist attack
170111
Leads coming in for Church break-ins
118853
American Legion, VFW come to the rescue
173113
We must answer to God for our sins
163655
Salvation Army gets helping hand
170257
Religious hatred is a matter of life and death
70811
Taser used on Springville man who asked for it
67414
NORAD to track the Rapture
14864
Refugee feared for his life
163694
Church taking precautions against
24295
``He told me that he was being tortured''