Instruct: Classify Amazon reviews into positive or negative sentiment
Query: Cinematic Plague

A list of 7 things you need to have before watching this film:1. Knitting Needles - to jab yourself in the eyes and scrotum at appropriate times (namely the opening titles and anytime during the space filling the gap of time until the end credits)2. The names and numbers of the closest paramedics, veterinarian and morgue3. A list of 5 reasons to live (for quick spot-checking)4. Rectal thermometer (you'll know when it happens)5. A serum consisting of equal parts mole remover, saltpeter and some sort of fish paralyzer6. A bag full of bunny farts (to aid w/hyperventilation)7. And finally, complicity with the theory that Sylvester Stallone is an alien life form sent here to reap carnage on mankind, capable of single-handedly destroying art and culture with little more than a typewriter and the ability to form catastrophic phrases out of seemingly benign language (i.e. GURU OF DOODOO)...run...for the love of all that is holy...run.