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Ye-es. You see I'd call that entry-level plotting. Like plotting to sit in a chair, or wear a hat. I agree it's not exactly House of Cards, but some Conservatives still believe this strategy offers their best chance of victory at the general election next year. Remember Neil Kinnock?

No. Exactly. When the leader of the opposition looks like a prat people stick with the government they've got.

So what do they plan to do? Put whoopee cushions on his seat? Nothing so drastic will be needed. They've merely created a "Just Not Up To It" map to chart the insulting remarks that members of his own party have made about him, and will maximise exposure for the manylittlecock-ups that Miliband can be relied upon to make.

But that wasn't his fault! He was handed it with seconds to spare!Only the prime minister was allowed to write a message. Doesn't matter. Once the reputation sticks it's more fun to ignore the truth. Miliband is now the one thing funnier than a buffoon: a buffoon trying not to be.

But what about that speech when he cleverly admitted to being a well-meaning clown? Might not save him. People generally prefer to be deceived, as long as it's done competently. However …

Yes? Other Tories worry that Kill Mill might be a dreadful error. David Cameron's own personal ratings are good but his weak spot is looking like a conceited upper-class bully. The kind of person who might join the Bullingdon club, fo