top of that hill, under the ash-trees, on the balcony, where I had seen
her delicate face, illuminated by the sunshine of her golden hair, and
crowned by the little Japanese hat with the blue veil, while her small,
gloved hand had beckoned me to come to dinner.... She was there now,
I could see her plainly, she was waving her handkerchief to me.... I
could hear her melodious voice ... but ... what was happening? The
boat was slowing down, the engine stopped ... the pilot cutter came to
meet us ... in an instant ... a flash of thought--a single, obsessing
thought, moved me with electric force--with the spring of a tiger I
bounded up the stairs which led to the bridge--I stood before the
captain--I shouted--

"Have me put ashore at once--or I shall go mad!"

The captain looked at me sharply, scrutinisingly, and without
vouchsafing a reply, dismayed as if he had looked into the face
of an escaped lunatic, he called to the second officer and said,
imperatively--

"Have this gentleman and his luggage put ashore. He is ill."

Before five minutes had elapsed, I was on board the pilot cutter; they
rowed with such vigour that we landed in a very short time.

I possess the remarkable gift of becoming blind and deaf when it suits
me. I was walking along the road leading to the hotel without having
heard or seen anything hurtful to my vanity; neither a glance from the
pilots, betraying that they guessed my secret, nor a disparaging remark
from the man who was carrying my luggage.

Arrived at the hotel, I asked for a room, ordered an absinthe, lighted
a cigar and began to reflect.

"Had I gone mad? Was I in such imminent peril of insanity that an
immediate landing had been necessary?"

In my present state of mind I was incapable of forming an opinion, for
a madman, according to the verdict of the doctors, is not conscious of
his mental disorder, and the association of his ideas proves nothing
against their irregularity. Like a scientist, I examined similar
occurrences which had happened to me before.

When I was still a boy a